1 00:00:53,974 --> 00:00:58,236 UHF 2 00:02:25,459 --> 00:02:29,484 Senior... we must not go any farther! 3 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,590 Look! 4 00:02:34,519 --> 00:02:38,519 It is an ancient, sacred Hovitos symbol. 5 00:02:38,866 --> 00:02:41,194 It's certain death to anyone who enters. 6 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:45,333 We must turn back... now! 7 00:03:28,169 --> 00:03:31,184 POLICE LINE - DO NOT CROSS DO NOT ENTER 8 00:03:31,214 --> 00:03:36,754 KEEP OUT - DANGEROUS AREA NO VISITORS/NO EXCEPTIONS 9 00:03:36,764 --> 00:03:41,681 WRONG WAY - STOP SEVERE TIRE DAMAGE 10 00:05:12,697 --> 00:05:14,937 WATCH FOR FALLING ROCKS 11 00:06:34,137 --> 00:06:39,844 George. Hello...Earth to George... George! 12 00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:41,954 Are you daydreaming again? 13 00:06:42,140 --> 00:06:46,635 No, no, I was, uh... admiring how clean and shiny this grill is... 14 00:06:47,053 --> 00:06:48,526 Come on George, we're busy here. 15 00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:50,403 You know what the problem is? 16 00:06:50,754 --> 00:06:53,365 Nobody here appreciates a guy with a good imagination. 17 00:06:53,537 --> 00:06:55,091 At least not the people at the lumberyard 18 00:06:55,495 --> 00:06:58,223 or the miniature golf course or Floyd's Fish Market... 19 00:06:58,587 --> 00:07:01,487 or any of the other places you've worked in the last month, right. 20 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,563 Yeah, well, some day... some day they'll all be sorry. 21 00:07:05,085 --> 00:07:09,453 They'll be eating breakfast or something and all of a sudden they'll say, 'Hey...!' 22 00:07:09,942 --> 00:07:12,944 We screwed up! We never should have fired 23 00:07:13,094 --> 00:07:15,714 George Newman because he's got imagination! 24 00:07:18,317 --> 00:07:19,924 Well... I think the fries are just about done. 25 00:07:20,456 --> 00:07:23,901 Oh, geez. Better not let Big Edna see that. She'll have a fit. 26 00:07:24,045 --> 00:07:26,305 Big Edna, Big Edna... You sound like a broken record. 27 00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:30,646 Why are you so afraid of that pathetic tub of lard? 28 00:07:56,038 --> 00:07:57,893 KUNI'S KARATE SCHOOL 29 00:07:59,176 --> 00:08:01,564 How can you do this to me. I knew this was gonna happen. 30 00:08:02,299 --> 00:08:06,216 You're right. Bob. I'm sorry. What can I say? 31 00:08:06,774 --> 00:08:09,164 I'm a miserable, worthless hunk of slime. 32 00:08:09,712 --> 00:08:13,159 Here, I want you to take this crowbar and... 33 00:08:14,051 --> 00:08:15,683 just bash my head right in. 34 00:08:15,860 --> 00:08:18,384 Really, go ahead, please, just bash it right in. 35 00:08:18,771 --> 00:08:20,395 Ah George, you know I couldn't do that... 36 00:08:20,594 --> 00:08:22,505 you still owe me five bucks. 37 00:08:27,275 --> 00:08:28,169 Hey, Kuni! 38 00:08:28,443 --> 00:08:29,672 Hiya, George! 39 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,492 Beginner's class today, huh? 40 00:08:31,751 --> 00:08:34,649 Yeah! They're so stupid! 41 00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:41,161 Stupid!! 42 00:08:52,277 --> 00:08:55,707 Mm boy... look what I got here. Bob... 43 00:08:56,958 --> 00:09:00,900 a twinkie-wiener sandwich... your favorite. 44 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,526 Come on, Bob, cheer up, will ya? 45 00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:11,066 You ruined my life. 46 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:20,230 You know, Bob-o, I think you're developing a bad attitude here. 47 00:09:23,858 --> 00:09:26,604 You see Bob you gotta look at the bigger picture. 48 00:09:27,656 --> 00:09:32,266 You gotta grab life by the lips and YANK as hard as you can! 49 00:09:35,630 --> 00:09:36,812 See anything in the want ads? 50 00:09:37,481 --> 00:09:40,872 Yeah, but nothing with the prestige of working at Burger World. 51 00:09:41,654 --> 00:09:43,962 So what do you think Teri's gonna say when she hears you got fired again? 52 00:09:44,335 --> 00:09:47,066 Teri! Oh no... what time is it? 53 00:09:49,095 --> 00:09:52,904 Seven-thirty? Oh boy, I gotta go. I'll see ya later, Bob. 54 00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:55,042 - Stupid! 55 00:09:55,310 --> 00:09:58,539 So, what's your excuse this time? 56 00:09:58,942 --> 00:10:03,129 Well, Bob and I were having a serious discussion about our... various career options. 57 00:10:03,179 --> 00:10:07,467 Boy, I really like what you've done with your hair. It's really 58 00:10:07,517 --> 00:10:10,940 George... did you get fired again? 59 00:10:12,384 --> 00:10:14,841 Yes! Yes! It's all true! 60 00:10:15,207 --> 00:10:18,362 I just don't know what's wrong with me! 61 00:10:19,737 --> 00:10:21,476 So, what's for dinner? 62 00:10:22,274 --> 00:10:26,619 Mashed potatoes? My favorite! Teri, you shouldn't have! 63 00:10:27,025 --> 00:10:32,978 George, when are you going to start taking things a little more seriously? 64 00:10:33,353 --> 00:10:38,048 I mean, you've been wandering aimlessly from job to job ever since I've known you. 65 00:10:38,392 --> 00:10:41,354 If only you could just get that overactive imagination 66 00:10:41,529 --> 00:10:45,279 of yours to work for you instead of against you. Maybe you could... 67 00:10:49,350 --> 00:10:51,192 what are you doing? 68 00:10:51,377 --> 00:10:54,472 This means something... this is important. 69 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:08,343 Oh, George, that is just terrible, but, don't you worry. 70 00:11:08,526 --> 00:11:12,812 You're a fine young man. I'm sure you'll get another job right away. 71 00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:14,918 You got such a good face... 72 00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:19,349 Look at this face. Would you look at this face? 73 00:11:19,757 --> 00:11:22,081 Is this a face you could die for? 74 00:11:24,738 --> 00:11:27,070 So, where's Uncle Harvey? I haven't seen him all night. 75 00:11:27,322 --> 00:11:28,419 Oh, he'll be out soon. 76 00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:31,794 I think he's having some kind of last minute business meeting. 77 00:11:33,368 --> 00:11:36,470 Two pair, aces high. 78 00:11:40,545 --> 00:11:43,678 Yeah, what? Hey, Louie! 79 00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:47,508 I just wanted to congratulate you, Mr. Bilchik. 80 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,644 You did very well at the track this afternoon. 81 00:11:50,871 --> 00:11:55,173 Oh yeah? I won again, huh?' Yeh Right. Thanks, Louie. Bye. 82 00:11:56,548 --> 00:12:00,546 Now, what are we doin' here? It's your deal, Harvey. 83 00:12:01,961 --> 00:12:05,347 Oh! Hi, honey! Have you finished your meeting? 84 00:12:05,655 --> 00:12:09,408 Yeah, and business was great tonight! 85 00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:14,489 Harvey! Have you been gambling again? Hey, what are you complainin' about? 86 00:12:14,621 --> 00:12:18,416 This is for when you go shoppin' on Rodeo Drive! 87 00:12:20,493 --> 00:12:22,484 what's this? 88 00:12:22,695 --> 00:12:28,228 Oh, that's the deed to Channel 62. I won it with a pair of sevens. I was bluffing 89 00:12:28,239 --> 00:12:30,788 Channel 62? I never heard of it. 90 00:12:30,996 --> 00:12:34,494 I'm not surprised. More people watch the fish tank at Leo's Pet Store. 91 00:12:34,544 --> 00:12:36,523 It's a little UHF station on the edge of town... 92 00:12:36,685 --> 00:12:40,500 it's been on the brink of bankruptcy for years. It's too bad I gotta dump it. 93 00:12:40,809 --> 00:12:46,494 Oh, really? I kind of like the idea of us having our own TV station. 94 00:12:46,698 --> 00:12:51,528 Forget about it. They can't even find anybody to manage the place anymore. 95 00:12:51,578 --> 00:12:56,181 Harvey... I know somebody who'd be perfect for the job. 96 00:12:56,432 --> 00:12:58,135 Yeah? Who's that? 97 00:13:00,674 --> 00:13:03,620 George, George dear. Would you come over here for a second 98 00:13:06,412 --> 00:13:10,184 Oh, no. No, not him. Forget it. No way. 99 00:13:14,979 --> 00:13:19,048 I can't believe you're uncle is letting you run his TV station 100 00:13:19,283 --> 00:13:24,810 Hey! He trusts me. Besides, he's going to California, he doesn't want to be bothered with it. 101 00:13:30,181 --> 00:13:32,617 Well... here we are! 102 00:13:38,745 --> 00:13:40,600 This is it? 103 00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:44,803 Wow, this is even better than I imagined. Come on, let's go check it out. 104 00:13:45,113 --> 00:13:49,028 I don't know, George. I'm not so sure about this. 105 00:13:50,945 --> 00:13:54,822 See? The front door's open. It's a friendly place! 106 00:13:55,646 --> 00:14:00,796 Hey, Mister! Change? You got change? 107 00:14:01,245 --> 00:14:04,185 Oh... uh... sure. 108 00:14:05,613 --> 00:14:14,990 ... eighty-five... ninety-five... one dollar. Thanks, Mister. 109 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,820 Hello, I'm Mr. Ed 110 00:14:31,259 --> 00:14:33,283 A horse is a horse of course, of course. 111 00:14:33,420 --> 00:14:35,439 And no-one can talk to a horse of course 112 00:14:35,605 --> 00:14:39,791 that is of course unless the horse is the famous Mister Ed. 113 00:14:40,076 --> 00:14:41,855 Go right to the source and ask the horse 114 00:14:42,005 --> 00:14:43,985 he'll give you the answer that you endorse. 115 00:14:44,152 --> 00:14:48,155 He's always on a standing course - talk to Mister Ed! 116 00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:52,726 Can I help you? 117 00:14:53,878 --> 00:14:54,685 Who are you? 118 00:14:54,762 --> 00:14:58,257 I'm Philo, chief engineer. 119 00:15:00,126 --> 00:15:03,912 So... isn't it a little late for you to be working? 120 00:15:04,967 --> 00:15:07,053 I mean, what time do you normally go home? 121 00:15:07,538 --> 00:15:11,234 This is my home. I live here. 122 00:15:12,693 --> 00:15:14,931 Hold these. 123 00:15:17,065 --> 00:15:19,923 No, no, no... like this. 124 00:15:21,783 --> 00:15:23,905 What are you doing? 125 00:15:24,065 --> 00:15:28,196 Oh, I just want to see if my interociter can withstand 126 00:15:28,349 --> 00:15:32,682 a sudden charge of sixty-thousand volts. Wha-? 127 00:15:42,217 --> 00:15:46,141 Yeah, it works. 128 00:15:55,411 --> 00:15:56,975 I don't know about this, George. 129 00:15:57,216 --> 00:15:59,767 I mean don't know the first thing about what goes on at a TV station. 130 00:16:00,073 --> 00:16:03,471 Don't worry. Bob. It's just like working in a fish market, 131 00:16:03,521 --> 00:16:06,101 except you don't have to clean' and gut fish all day. 132 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,983 Yah, So, can I help you? 133 00:16:21,035 --> 00:16:24,149 Hi, I'm George Newman. I'm the new station manager. 134 00:16:25,426 --> 00:16:30,836 You know, when I first took this job they told me that this position was only temporary, 135 00:16:31,096 --> 00:16:35,373 and that eventually, when the time was right I'd move up to news, 136 00:16:35,482 --> 00:16:38,918 which is really my forte. You know how long I've been working here? 137 00:16:39,313 --> 00:16:44,399 Two years! It's kind of hard to get promoted when every other week you have a new boss. 138 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,871 This job really sucks. 139 00:16:49,898 --> 00:16:53,187 And this is my friend Bob. Hi. Nice to meet you 140 00:16:53,287 --> 00:16:56,576 Howdy, friends, it's Crazy Ernie from "Crazy Ernie's Used Car Emporium!" 141 00:16:56,626 --> 00:16:59,380 It's a giant supermarket of cars! 142 00:16:59,578 --> 00:17:04,021 I got so many cars, people come up to me and say, 143 00:17:04,071 --> 00:17:09,325 "Hey, Crazy Ernie! Where'd you get all those cars?!" Lookee here. 144 00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:12,732 I got red cars, I got green cars, I got enough cars to choke a camel! Tell you what, friends. 145 00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:16,612 If nobody comes down and buys a car from me in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal. 146 00:17:16,662 --> 00:17:20,105 That's right, I'll club this seal to make a better deal. 147 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:24,155 And you know I'd do it, too... cause I'm crazy! 148 00:17:25,374 --> 00:17:27,888 ehn, look at all the old reruns this station is airing. 149 00:17:28,598 --> 00:17:31,010 We could sure use some more live shows. 150 00:17:31,060 --> 00:17:32,736 I don't know, something like um.. 151 00:17:33,141 --> 00:17:35,983 Oh no You ok in there Pam? 152 00:17:36,134 --> 00:17:38,104 Yes. If it's not one thing, it's another. 153 00:17:38,455 --> 00:17:40,632 You know that mailman's really got a screw loose. 154 00:17:40,785 --> 00:17:43,763 He delivers us this package that's suppose to go to R.J. Fletcher. 155 00:17:43,902 --> 00:17:47,128 Who? R.J Fletcher. He runs channel 8. 156 00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:53,434 You know, the net work affiliate downtown. Oh well, I'll just have to send it back to him tomorrow. 157 00:17:53,435 --> 00:17:56,954 No, that's okay, I'll take it over myself. 158 00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:58,868 It'll be a good chance to meet the competition. 159 00:18:00,177 --> 00:18:03,818 You know George, I'll tell you I don't really think that's such a good idea 160 00:18:03,868 --> 00:18:05,974 I heard he's not the nicest guy in the world. 161 00:18:06,365 --> 00:18:08,934 Oh, come on, he can't be all that bad. 162 00:18:09,661 --> 00:18:11,746 You just gotta know how to talk to those guys. 163 00:18:12,571 --> 00:18:16,139 You idiot! Can't you do anything I tell you to do?! 164 00:18:16,393 --> 00:18:18,594 Does this look like a Number Two pencil? 165 00:18:18,782 --> 00:18:21,734 No, I... I just thought- You thought?! I don't pay you to think! 166 00:18:22,163 --> 00:18:25,732 But, Dad Shut up!! Let's get back to the meeting. 167 00:18:25,919 --> 00:18:27,480 Alright, who's got the research report? 168 00:18:27,794 --> 00:18:29,601 I left the report on your desk, sir. 169 00:18:29,891 --> 00:18:34,926 I don't see it. When did you put it here? Yesterday, before I left, sir. 170 00:18:35,098 --> 00:18:38,405 The janitor. It must have been the janitor. 171 00:18:38,593 --> 00:18:40,835 He probably threw it out when he was cleaning up in here. 172 00:18:41,150 --> 00:18:42,755 Send in the janitor! 173 00:18:43,403 --> 00:18:44,789 I'm going to get to the bottom of this! 174 00:18:45,243 --> 00:18:47,855 I will not tolerate this type of behavior at Channel 8! 175 00:18:48,262 --> 00:18:53,375 This is a business, not a home for irresponsible pus brains! 176 00:18:57,781 --> 00:18:59,765 You wanted me, sir? 177 00:18:59,949 --> 00:19:03,387 That's right. I guess you know why I called you in here. 178 00:19:05,859 --> 00:19:07,532 Because you're lonely? 179 00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,481 No, you moron! 180 00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:14,784 Now look carefully. Do you see anything missing from this desk? 181 00:19:16,953 --> 00:19:20,935 Uh... that stapler? No! 182 00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,264 Now... listen to me! 183 00:19:24,314 --> 00:19:29,036 There was a very important file on this desk. 184 00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:31,171 A file that represented two months of intensive research. 185 00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:34,677 It's my guess that you threw it out. 186 00:19:35,288 --> 00:19:37,478 Why, no, sir, no um. 187 00:19:37,711 --> 00:19:41,391 Were you in here cleaning up last night? Yes sir, yes sir I was. 188 00:19:41,529 --> 00:19:47,294 Do you see the file on my desk now? Gee, I don't know I.. 189 00:19:47,463 --> 00:19:49,373 I think I've proved my point. 190 00:19:49,683 --> 00:19:52,030 You are a worthless human being, Mr.. 191 00:19:52,381 --> 00:19:55,533 Spadowski. Stanley Spadowski. 192 00:19:56,137 --> 00:19:57,998 May I call you Stanley? 193 00:19:58,555 --> 00:20:00,722 - Okay - Stanley... 194 00:20:00,723 --> 00:20:03,374 - You're fired! - But... I... I didn't 195 00:20:03,541 --> 00:20:07,228 - Get out!! - But I... 196 00:20:09,839 --> 00:20:12,171 People are.. 197 00:20:12,601 --> 00:20:14,584 I can't believe the incompetence in this place! 198 00:20:14,707 --> 00:20:17,187 People like that should be put to sleep. 199 00:20:24,537 --> 00:20:27,422 Well, what do you know? The research file! 200 00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:30,936 Here it is! I've been sitting here all the time! 201 00:20:47,056 --> 00:20:50,048 Betty, hold my calls. Yes, Mr. Fletcher. 202 00:20:50,467 --> 00:20:52,882 Hey! R.J.! 203 00:20:58,123 --> 00:21:03,693 Hi! George Newman, U62. Say, nice place you got here. 204 00:21:03,854 --> 00:21:06,702 You know, I was just thinking, since we're both in the business... 205 00:21:06,857 --> 00:21:10,397 Where'd you get this? Don't you know that stealing mail is a federal offense? 206 00:21:10,599 --> 00:21:12,028 Hold on, you don't understand... 207 00:21:12,162 --> 00:21:14,729 No, you don't understand how serious a crime this is! 208 00:21:14,879 --> 00:21:17,283 I think you'd better just clean out your desk right now and get out! 209 00:21:17,420 --> 00:21:20,922 You're through, mister! But I don't work here. 210 00:21:21,458 --> 00:21:27,343 Trespassing, huh? I'll give you ten seconds to get out before I call the police. 211 00:21:27,465 --> 00:21:31,679 Look, I just thought we could... ... five... four... 212 00:21:31,805 --> 00:21:37,672 Gee, look at the time. Well, gotta go. Keep in touch. 213 00:21:46,910 --> 00:21:50,104 No... No.. No please... it's all I've got left... 214 00:21:50,524 --> 00:21:54,045 Let go! This is station property! NO! NO! It's my, mop! 215 00:21:55,521 --> 00:21:57,958 Let go, let go you idiot 216 00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:04,271 That's my mop! Not any more, buddy! 217 00:22:05,647 --> 00:22:09,084 Hey, are you all right? It's just not fair... 218 00:22:09,112 --> 00:22:11,439 Come on, forget about it. It's only a mop. 219 00:22:11,776 --> 00:22:17,164 Only a mop? Only a mop?! Oh, You don't understand. 220 00:22:17,693 --> 00:22:21,513 That mop was given to me for my birthday when I was 8 years old. 221 00:22:21,670 --> 00:22:24,281 We've never been apart! 222 00:22:26,429 --> 00:22:30,919 And now... now I don't even have a job anymore! 223 00:22:32,336 --> 00:22:37,444 After fifteen years, they toss me out like a bag of moldy tangerines! 224 00:22:40,181 --> 00:22:46,360 What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? 225 00:22:47,472 --> 00:22:51,121 Well... maybe you could come work for me... 226 00:22:52,203 --> 00:22:54,117 Really? You mean it? 227 00:22:54,146 --> 00:22:56,528 Uh... sure, I guess we could use a janitor. 228 00:22:57,288 --> 00:22:59,756 Stanley Spadowski. George Newman. 229 00:22:59,793 --> 00:23:01,938 I'm mighty glad to meet you, George. 230 00:23:01,988 --> 00:23:05,241 I'm going to do a realy great job, you won't be sorry. I'm really going to do a good job for you. 231 00:23:05,278 --> 00:23:07,449 I'm a good janitor, I'm a realy good janitor. Want me to clean your glasses for you? - No, I... 232 00:23:07,483 --> 00:23:13,484 I'm make them shiny, nice and shiny. Cause we're friends aren't we George. 233 00:23:14,267 --> 00:23:15,457 No! 234 00:23:16,312 --> 00:23:18,740 - Is this it...? - No! 235 00:23:21,485 --> 00:23:23,522 - Is this it...? - No! 236 00:23:26,351 --> 00:23:30,034 - Is this it? - No, George, I can't delay the broadcast, 237 00:23:30,261 --> 00:23:33,449 because the mayor is suppose to be coming any minute. 238 00:23:33,690 --> 00:23:36,818 Where is he...? No, I've looked all over. 239 00:23:36,933 --> 00:23:43,834 - I don't see a "Noodles" Maclntire - Macintosh! At your service! 240 00:23:44,026 --> 00:23:47,656 Yah, George, Never mind. I think I found him. Come on, come on! 241 00:23:59,170 --> 00:24:05,806 We now go live to U62's Pamela Finklestein on the steps at City Hall. 242 00:24:07,438 --> 00:24:10,591 Thank you. HI! Pamela Finklestein here. 243 00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:13,986 Boy it's quite a scene this morning on the front steps of City Hall. 244 00:24:14,225 --> 00:24:18,654 We're awaiting the emergence of Mayor Thompson from his annual city budget meeting... 245 00:24:19,557 --> 00:24:21,628 Oh, I think he.... oh yah, here comes the mayor now.... 246 00:24:21,790 --> 00:24:24,478 let's go over and maybe we can get a few words out of him. 247 00:24:37,538 --> 00:24:44,439 Aww, did I do that? Oopsie! 248 00:24:44,745 --> 00:24:48,107 Hey, Noodles, those things are pretty fragile. You should be more careful. 249 00:24:48,594 --> 00:24:51,456 Here he comes now... I think we should be able to... 250 00:24:51,930 --> 00:24:58,132 Hey, sweet heart, take my advice... Broads don't belong in broadcasting. 251 00:24:59,094 --> 00:25:03,583 Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor! Richard Fletcher, channel 8 news, how are you? 252 00:25:11,454 --> 00:25:17,623 Yah but, yah but..'Broads don't belong in broadcasting'?! 253 00:25:17,781 --> 00:25:21,345 Is that the kind of professional courtesy you teach your news department? 254 00:25:21,622 --> 00:25:23,047 Why, that's just terrible. 255 00:25:23,312 --> 00:25:28,581 I don't know how many times I've told those boys... never call chicks 'broads.' 256 00:25:29,070 --> 00:25:31,363 Why, you slimy 257 00:25:35,979 --> 00:25:38,467 Hello, and welcome to 'Town Talk.' 258 00:25:38,625 --> 00:25:41,598 I'm George Newman and today our special guest 259 00:25:41,648 --> 00:25:43,934 is local high school shop teacher Joe Earley. 260 00:25:44,336 --> 00:25:45,835 Joe thanks for joining us 261 00:25:46,010 --> 00:25:48,115 Thank you homeboy. 262 00:25:48,350 --> 00:25:50,417 Well, I see you've brought some equipment with you today. 263 00:25:50,551 --> 00:25:52,751 Would you mind giving us a demonstration? 264 00:25:53,144 --> 00:25:55,265 Not at all. 265 00:25:56,079 --> 00:26:02,818 There's only a few simple principles you must bare in mind before attempting 266 00:26:03,028 --> 00:26:08,951 to operate a sophisticated piece of machinery, like this... 267 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:12,488 Table saw. 268 00:26:21,970 --> 00:26:28,366 You know, lots of times, when my students first learn to.. 269 00:26:30,882 --> 00:26:38,753 What? oh, Can you believe this? 270 00:26:39,452 --> 00:26:42,408 wouldja look at that. 271 00:26:44,477 --> 00:26:49,487 Just call me Mr. Butterfingers. 272 00:26:50,969 --> 00:26:56,075 Oh I think its on the floor somewhere... 273 00:26:57,761 --> 00:27:00,224 Is my face red. 274 00:27:03,443 --> 00:27:06,315 Honey, where's the spatula? 275 00:27:07,205 --> 00:27:09,847 Ok, kids, let's go! 276 00:27:12,008 --> 00:27:15,022 There's just one place to go for all of your spatula needs 277 00:27:15,174 --> 00:27:16,638 Spatula City 278 00:27:16,939 --> 00:27:20,116 A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion. 279 00:27:20,117 --> 00:27:21,103 Thousands to choose from in every shape, size, and color. 280 00:27:21,104 --> 00:27:21,994 Thousands to choose from in every shape, size, and color. 281 00:27:21,995 --> 00:27:23,610 Thousands to choose from in every shape, size, and color. 282 00:27:23,674 --> 00:27:25,193 And because we eliminate the middle man, 283 00:27:25,343 --> 00:27:28,074 we can sell all our spatulas factory direct to you. 284 00:27:28,124 --> 00:27:30,024 Where do you go if you want to buy 285 00:27:30,074 --> 00:27:32,630 name brand spatulas at a fraction of retail cost? 286 00:27:32,678 --> 00:27:34,326 Spatula City 287 00:27:34,376 --> 00:27:37,743 And this weekend only, take advantage of our special liquidation sale. 288 00:27:38,009 --> 00:27:41,642 Buy nine spatulas, get the tenth one for just one penny. 289 00:27:44,127 --> 00:27:46,860 Don't forget, they make great Christmas presents. 290 00:27:47,890 --> 00:27:52,354 And what better way to say "I love you." than with the gift of a spatula? 291 00:27:52,637 --> 00:27:54,480 Spatula City 292 00:27:54,774 --> 00:27:58,884 Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. 293 00:27:59,650 --> 00:28:02,851 I liked their spatulas so much, I bought the company. 294 00:28:02,901 --> 00:28:05,048 Spatula City - seven locations; 295 00:28:05,049 --> 00:28:06,909 we're in the yellow pages under "spatulas". 296 00:28:07,667 --> 00:28:10,952 My, where did you get that lovely spatula? 297 00:28:12,679 --> 00:28:17,271 Spatula City We sell spatulas, and that's all. 298 00:28:26,749 --> 00:28:29,443 Hey, kids, where do you wanna go? 299 00:28:29,493 --> 00:28:33,468 To Uncle Nutzy's Clubhouse. 300 00:28:33,524 --> 00:28:37,878 That's right! I'm your Uncle Nutzy and boy oh boy, 301 00:28:37,912 --> 00:28:40,756 are we gonna have some big fun today, huh, kids? 302 00:28:43,543 --> 00:28:48,316 Well, let's walk on over and see who's in our Kiddie Korner... 303 00:28:48,371 --> 00:28:51,066 Hi, what's your name? Billy. 304 00:28:51,116 --> 00:28:52,934 Billy what? 305 00:28:54,422 --> 00:28:56,393 Okay... 306 00:28:56,565 --> 00:29:05,576 Uh oh, you know who that is? That's right, it's your pal, Bobo the Clown! Yayyy! 307 00:29:11,651 --> 00:29:13,734 Hey, Bobo, wanna play a game? 308 00:29:13,784 --> 00:29:15,462 Okay... look up! 309 00:29:15,512 --> 00:29:16,964 Look down! 310 00:29:17,014 --> 00:29:19,379 Now look at Mr. Frying Pan! 311 00:29:20,623 --> 00:29:23,939 Uh Oh, Bobo fall down go boom! 312 00:29:24,208 --> 00:29:28,888 Upsie-daisey. Say Bobo, what's wrong? 313 00:29:29,002 --> 00:29:32,671 I bet I know. You're hungry, aren't you. 314 00:29:33,373 --> 00:29:35,254 Well, I know just what you want. 315 00:29:35,304 --> 00:29:39,781 Clowns and kids alike can't resist the mouth-watering, 316 00:29:39,782 --> 00:29:44,612 lip-smacking taste of Mrs. Hockenburger's Butter Cookies. 317 00:29:44,618 --> 00:29:46,596 Right, Bobo? 318 00:29:46,646 --> 00:29:51,188 That's right! And hey, mom! They're nutritious, too! 319 00:29:51,238 --> 00:29:54,632 Just look at how much Bobo here likes 'em. 320 00:29:54,682 --> 00:29:58,871 Mmmm, that's good. And don't forget, kids, 321 00:29:58,921 --> 00:30:04,075 there's a nifty surprise inside every box of Mrs. Hockenburger's... 322 00:30:05,983 --> 00:30:12,605 Uh oh! Ha ha ha... Bobo's been eating Yappy's Dog Treats! 323 00:30:12,655 --> 00:30:18,016 That's right! Yappy's Dog Treats, your dog will love that real 324 00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:22,523 liver and tuna taste...... with just a hint of cheese. 325 00:30:26,109 --> 00:30:31,564 Hi Pamela Finklestein here. We're talking with Mr. Earl Ramsey. 326 00:30:31,583 --> 00:30:36,726 Now Mr. Ramsey is the President of the local chapter of the American Gun Association. 327 00:30:36,776 --> 00:30:43,614 Um Mr. Ramsey, would it be correct to assume that your organization is against gun control? 328 00:30:43,664 --> 00:30:47,176 Gun control is for wimps and Commies. 329 00:30:47,226 --> 00:30:53,141 Listen, let's get one thing straight. Guns don't kill people... I do! 330 00:30:53,191 --> 00:30:56,444 I do Yes. Well 331 00:30:56,494 --> 00:30:57,784 Special Bulletin 332 00:30:57,809 --> 00:31:00,609 This is a special bulletin from the U62 newsroom. 333 00:31:00,610 --> 00:31:06,383 Hi, Teri, it's George Happy Birthday! Hey, how bout if I take you 334 00:31:06,433 --> 00:31:11,656 and you're parents out to dinner? I'll meet you at Caf� Francais at seven-thirty, ok? I love you... 335 00:31:14,663 --> 00:31:18,116 Are you tired of sloppy, cut-rate funerals? 336 00:31:18,166 --> 00:31:21,709 You've tried the rest, now try the best... 337 00:31:21,759 --> 00:31:24,671 The 'Plots R Us' Mortuary Service. 338 00:31:24,721 --> 00:31:27,330 Remember, there's always plenty of free parking, 339 00:31:27,380 --> 00:31:30,472 and don't forget to visit our new salad bar. 340 00:31:30,522 --> 00:31:35,815 'Plots R Us.' Eternal peace... at affordable prices. 341 00:31:47,269 --> 00:31:51,641 Beverly 342 00:31:53,546 --> 00:31:59,813 Beverly Hillbillies 343 00:32:53,230 --> 00:32:54,598 Huh, now lookie here people 344 00:32:54,767 --> 00:32:56,739 Listen to my story 345 00:32:57,066 --> 00:33:00,279 A little story 'bout a man named Jed 346 00:33:00,555 --> 00:33:03,652 You know something? That poor mountaineer 347 00:33:03,921 --> 00:33:06,798 They say he barely kept his family fed 348 00:33:07,110 --> 00:33:10,753 Now, let me tell you One day he was shootin' 349 00:33:11,113 --> 00:33:13,998 Old Jed was shootin' at some food 350 00:33:14,234 --> 00:33:17,346 When all of a sudden right up from the ground, there 351 00:33:18,547 --> 00:33:21,147 Well, there came a bubblin' crude 352 00:33:21,497 --> 00:33:28,067 Oil that is Well, maybe you call it black gold or Texas tea 353 00:33:28,333 --> 00:33:36,921 He gonna move next to Mr. Drysdale And be a Beverly hillbilly... 354 00:33:38,783 --> 00:33:41,871 Before you know it, all the kinfolk are-a-sayin' 355 00:33:42,198 --> 00:33:45,374 Yeah, buddie, move away from there 356 00:33:45,718 --> 00:33:52,209 That little Clampet got his own cement pond That little Clampet, he's a millionaire 357 00:33:52,562 --> 00:33:59,165 Now, everyone said Californie Is the place that you oughta be 358 00:33:59,425 --> 00:34:02,574 We got to load up this here truck now 359 00:34:02,873 --> 00:34:07,508 We got to move to Beverly 360 00:34:07,724 --> 00:34:10,224 Hills, that is 361 00:34:12,153 --> 00:34:14,209 Swimming pools 362 00:34:15,465 --> 00:34:19,087 Move-a-move-a-movie stars 363 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:23,311 Lookit that, lookit that 364 00:34:23,763 --> 00:34:29,830 Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies 365 00:34:30,587 --> 00:34:33,742 Y'all come back now, y'hear? 366 00:34:34,563 --> 00:34:38,685 Beverly Beverly Beverly hillbillies 367 00:34:47,976 --> 00:34:51,661 George... hey, George... 368 00:34:52,882 --> 00:34:55,399 I finished polishing all the doorknobs. 369 00:34:55,449 --> 00:34:59,324 Is there anything else you want me to do? Uh, no, Stanley... that's ok. 370 00:34:59,374 --> 00:35:02,226 It's getting pretty late. Why don't you call it a night? 371 00:35:02,276 --> 00:35:08,190 Aw... do I have to? Yeah. Go on. I'll see you in the morning. 372 00:35:08,197 --> 00:35:13,002 Okay, I'll see ya. 373 00:35:13,052 --> 00:35:17,749 Hey, George. You know, I was just wondering... like, like, if you were travelling through outer space. 374 00:35:17,799 --> 00:35:20,727 I mean like going real fast like the speed of light you know, 375 00:35:20,777 --> 00:35:28,088 and all of a sudden you started screaming... you think that you're brain would blow up? 376 00:35:28,128 --> 00:35:31,801 Hey, guys, I'm trying to work here, do you mind? 377 00:35:31,851 --> 00:35:39,585 No... no, I don't mind, go right ahead. Do you mind, George? 378 00:35:42,735 --> 00:35:45,352 Would you care to order now? 379 00:35:45,402 --> 00:35:50,533 Oh yah, I'll have the No, thank you. We'll wait. 380 00:35:51,568 --> 00:35:55,526 Are you sure he knows what restaurant we're at? 381 00:36:05,249 --> 00:36:08,749 Well... I've got some good news and some bad news. 382 00:36:08,799 --> 00:36:11,377 Okay... gimme the bad news first. 383 00:36:11,427 --> 00:36:15,812 Well, given our present financial situation, 384 00:36:15,862 --> 00:36:22,281 compounded by on-going fixed expenses and outstanding invoices, 385 00:36:22,331 --> 00:36:25,235 I figure this station will be flat broke by the end of the week. 386 00:36:28,282 --> 00:36:30,063 What's the good news? 387 00:36:30,694 --> 00:36:34,388 I lied. There is no good news. 388 00:36:38,028 --> 00:36:41,514 I never should have taken this job. 389 00:36:42,878 --> 00:36:47,621 I should have known it would turn out like all the others. 390 00:36:48,015 --> 00:36:52,870 You know, for a short time there, 391 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:56,843 I just don't know anymore. 392 00:37:00,154 --> 00:37:03,874 Well, at least I've still got Teri. 393 00:37:06,470 --> 00:37:08,415 Bob, what time is it? 394 00:37:08,465 --> 00:37:11,672 Nine thirty. Oh no... 395 00:37:17,167 --> 00:37:20,086 Hello? 396 00:37:20,136 --> 00:37:24,708 George Newman... you're a selfish, thoughtless, insensitive creep. 397 00:37:24,758 --> 00:37:30,778 And from now on you can forget all my birthdays... because we're through 398 00:37:44,644 --> 00:37:47,638 Hey, kids... where do you want to go? 399 00:37:49,305 --> 00:37:54,130 That's right. To Uncle Nutzy's Clubhouse. 400 00:37:54,658 --> 00:37:59,822 And boy oh boy are we gonna have big fun today. 401 00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,363 We're gonna have so much fun... 402 00:38:04,442 --> 00:38:07,427 we'll forget about how miserable we are 403 00:38:07,477 --> 00:38:10,182 and how much life sucks and how 404 00:38:10,232 --> 00:38:13,166 we're all going to grow old and die someday. 405 00:38:13,213 --> 00:38:17,095 I wanna go home. Shut up, you little weasel. 406 00:38:18,076 --> 00:38:24,652 Okay, right now I'd like to show you one of my favorite cartoons. 407 00:38:24,702 --> 00:38:29,802 It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote 408 00:38:29,852 --> 00:38:33,781 who spends every waking moment of his life in the futile pursuit 409 00:38:33,831 --> 00:38:39,151 of a sadistic roadrunner, who mocks him and laughs at him 410 00:38:39,201 --> 00:38:42,979 as he is repeatedly crushed and maimed. 411 00:38:43,029 --> 00:38:45,128 Hope you enjoy it. 412 00:38:47,264 --> 00:38:49,753 Hey, where are you going? 413 00:38:49,825 --> 00:38:51,797 I think I need a drink. You don't drink. 414 00:38:51,847 --> 00:38:53,984 Yeah, I know, but I've been meaning to start. 415 00:38:54,034 --> 00:38:57,940 Well, wait a minute, what about the rest of the show? 416 00:38:57,990 --> 00:39:02,125 Whatch out Mr.Coyote! Oh no... this is terrible... 417 00:39:02,607 --> 00:39:05,591 Hey, Stanley. Yeah, George? 418 00:39:05,641 --> 00:39:08,477 How would you like your own TV show? 419 00:39:08,891 --> 00:39:11,956 ok. You're on. 420 00:39:12,006 --> 00:39:16,039 What are you doing? Are you crazy 421 00:39:27,648 --> 00:39:33,014 George, what about? Bob... it doesn't matter anymore. It's over. 422 00:39:33,314 --> 00:39:39,573 Yeah, we're watchin' it tube... yeah, I've never seen anything like it... Okay, talk to you later. 423 00:39:40,666 --> 00:39:42,433 Gentlemen! What can I get ya? 424 00:39:42,483 --> 00:39:46,115 Beer. Blueberry daquiri. 425 00:39:48,810 --> 00:39:53,558 Tell you what George, Let's start fresh. Start a whole new business. 426 00:39:53,608 --> 00:39:55,651 Maybe we could borrow some money from your Uncle Harvey. 427 00:39:55,701 --> 00:40:00,187 Oh. Right. We just flushed his TV station down the toilet. 428 00:40:00,237 --> 00:40:02,816 I'm sure he'd be happy to lend us money. 429 00:40:04,112 --> 00:40:07,106 So... I guess Teri's never gonna speak to you again, huh? 430 00:40:12,455 --> 00:40:14,518 Hey, I didn't get an umbrella. 431 00:40:14,568 --> 00:40:17,303 Look, everybody he's comin' back on! 432 00:40:18,311 --> 00:40:21,670 Hey!! Welcome back to "Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse"! 433 00:40:21,720 --> 00:40:25,679 Are you kids having a good time? Yaaaaaay! 434 00:40:25,729 --> 00:40:29,131 Hey, how bout that cartoon! That was a weird cartoon, wasn't? 435 00:40:29,181 --> 00:40:33,115 You know, that cartoon, it reminds me of a dream I had last week.When I turned into 436 00:40:33,165 --> 00:40:37,784 a bird with a candy bar head. And then there were these other birds you know,and there all 437 00:40:37,834 --> 00:40:41,690 trying to eat my head and everything.But I got a way from them.Then there was this tree you know, 438 00:40:41,740 --> 00:40:44,232 and there was this weird lizard 439 00:40:52,454 --> 00:40:56,498 I...I wanna show you somethin'! I wanna show you somethin' 440 00:41:04,467 --> 00:41:08,665 This is my new mop. George, my friend, he gave me this mop. 441 00:41:08,715 --> 00:41:13,799 It's a pretty good mop. It's not as good as my first mop.I miss 442 00:41:13,849 --> 00:41:18,229 my first mop, but this is still a good mop.Sometimes you just have to take 443 00:41:18,279 --> 00:41:24,391 what life gives you.Cause life is like a mop andand sometimes life gets full of 444 00:41:24,441 --> 00:41:31,350 dirt and crud and bugs and hairballs and stuff, you just gotta clean it out, you, you gotta 445 00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:37,976 put it in here and rinse it off and start all over again. And Sometimes, sometimes, life 446 00:41:38,026 --> 00:41:43,175 sticks to the floor so bad, you know a mop? A mop just it's not good enough...It's not good enough. You gotta get down 447 00:41:43,225 --> 00:41:48,067 there with like a toothbrush you know and you gotta you gotta really scrub! You've got to get it off. You've got to 448 00:41:48,117 --> 00:41:52,437 real try to get it off. But if that doesn't work, that doesn't work you can't 449 00:41:52,487 --> 00:41:57,814 give up... you gotta stand right up and gotta run to the window and yell, 'Hey 450 00:41:57,864 --> 00:42:02,352 these floors are dirty as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!!' 451 00:42:10,150 --> 00:42:14,722 Yes mama! That's right, Stanley Spadowski, ah ah. 452 00:42:14,951 --> 00:42:18,145 I don't think that he's married now. 453 00:42:18,195 --> 00:42:21,979 Well I think that he went to Harvard. 454 00:42:22,912 --> 00:42:26,337 I'll see you kids later. Hi, George. 455 00:42:26,387 --> 00:42:30,125 I'm done with the show, whaddaya want me to do now?. 456 00:42:30,175 --> 00:42:34,044 Did you have a good time in there, Stanley? Yeah! Oh boy, it was fun! 457 00:42:34,094 --> 00:42:36,650 Great. How'd you like to do it every day? 458 00:42:36,700 --> 00:42:40,101 Yeah! That would be... Wait a minute... 459 00:42:42,045 --> 00:42:44,265 do I still get to be the janitor? 460 00:42:45,226 --> 00:42:50,682 Sure. Oh. Okay... it's a deal. 461 00:42:50,732 --> 00:42:53,080 I'm gonna go clean the bathroom now. 462 00:42:57,589 --> 00:43:04,948 Okay, kids, where do you wanna go? To Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse!! 463 00:43:11,030 --> 00:43:17,816 Great. All right. It's a deal. Thanks a lot. Ok. 464 00:43:17,866 --> 00:43:20,773 George, wait 'till you hear this. 465 00:43:20,823 --> 00:43:24,207 'Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse' is sold out for the next three months! 466 00:43:24,257 --> 00:43:26,502 The sponsors love him! 467 00:43:26,552 --> 00:43:30,272 If we had a few more shows like this, we'd really be in business. 468 00:43:30,322 --> 00:43:32,296 Yeah, I've been thinking about that. 469 00:43:32,334 --> 00:43:36,221 I've been working on some new ideas. Tell me what you think 470 00:43:39,914 --> 00:43:45,353 Today... one of these lucky contestants will win his or her weight in fish... 471 00:43:45,403 --> 00:43:50,776 right here on 'Wheel Of Fish!' 472 00:43:52,339 --> 00:43:57,280 Okay, let's play the game! We start with yesterday's winner... 473 00:43:57,330 --> 00:44:03,469 Mrs. Phyllis Weaver. Are you ready, Weaver? I sure am, Kuni! 474 00:44:03,519 --> 00:44:07,397 Okay, you get over there and spin the Wheel of Fish! 475 00:44:10,033 --> 00:44:14,188 Go ahead, give it a big spin... 476 00:44:16,728 --> 00:44:20,180 Come on, come on. 477 00:44:25,779 --> 00:44:31,933 A red snapper! MM, is very tasty! 478 00:44:31,983 --> 00:44:34,877 Okay, Weaver, listen carefully. 479 00:44:34,927 --> 00:44:38,062 You can hold on to your red snapper, 480 00:44:38,112 --> 00:44:42,288 or you can go for what's in the box that Hiro-san is bringing down the aisle right now! 481 00:44:42,338 --> 00:44:44,620 What's it gonna be? 482 00:44:44,670 --> 00:44:48,501 - Keep the fish!|- Take the box! 483 00:44:54,188 --> 00:44:55,858 I... I'll take the box! 484 00:44:55,908 --> 00:45:01,800 You took the box! Let's see what's in the box. 485 00:45:06,301 --> 00:45:10,496 Nothing! Absolutely nothing! 486 00:45:11,112 --> 00:45:15,463 Stupid...! You're so stupid...!! 487 00:45:27,793 --> 00:45:33,443 Hello, my name is Philo, and welcome to... 488 00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:42,258 'Secrets Of The Universe.' 489 00:45:44,071 --> 00:45:51,014 Today we're going to learn to make Plutonium from common household items. 490 00:45:51,931 --> 00:45:55,256 Hey, man, this is Raul Hernandez, and welcome to 491 00:45:55,306 --> 00:45:59,973 'Raul's Wild Kingdom,' coming to you live from my apartment! 492 00:46:00,023 --> 00:46:04,387 How about that, huh? Okay, first thing we're gonna do today is check out the 493 00:46:04,437 --> 00:46:07,432 wonderful world of turtles.. 494 00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:12,389 This is my friend Tommy. Tommy say hello to the nice people. 495 00:46:12,439 --> 00:46:18,265 'hello' Aaay, isn't he great? Okay, so... the turtle is a member of the reptile family 496 00:46:18,315 --> 00:46:23,005 and it's got this hard, protective shell...(he raps on it) ... which keeps 497 00:46:23,055 --> 00:46:26,518 predators away and provides him with his own house for when he sleep. And he's got these 498 00:46:26,568 --> 00:46:32,543 teeny tiny little legs, which makes him move real slow. And not many people 499 00:46:32,593 --> 00:46:39,131 know this, but the turtle is also natures suction cup! Watch this... 500 00:46:40,490 --> 00:46:43,197 Did'ou see that? It sticks! 501 00:46:43,247 --> 00:46:46,761 Okay, oh yah, what else I got for you? yeah, check this out. 502 00:46:47,872 --> 00:46:51,642 This is my ant farm. You know, ants are amazing. 503 00:46:51,692 --> 00:46:56,552 They can carry fifty times their own weight, 504 00:46:56,602 --> 00:47:02,802 and they work for weeks and weeks building these intricate little tunnels, and...oh yeah, they hate it when you do this... 505 00:47:06,035 --> 00:47:09,404 Oh, look, they're really mad now! 506 00:47:10,273 --> 00:47:12,602 Where did you find this guy? 507 00:47:12,652 --> 00:47:15,997 Me, I thought you hired him 508 00:47:16,093 --> 00:47:17,791 For those of you just joining us, 509 00:47:17,841 --> 00:47:23,008 today we're teaching poodles how to fly! 510 00:47:23,058 --> 00:47:28,209 Okay, Foofie, are you psyched? Are you ready? 511 00:47:28,259 --> 00:47:32,065 Okay, here we go... get ready... and... FLY!! 512 00:47:32,115 --> 00:47:34,023 fly 513 00:47:35,193 --> 00:47:36,466 Oh, man... 514 00:47:39,674 --> 00:47:43,255 You know, sometimes it takes 'em a longer to learn how to do it right. 515 00:47:43,305 --> 00:47:49,053 Okay... come on... come on... cheer up, cheer up. hey, hey! Who's next?Ah Gigi. 516 00:47:51,208 --> 00:47:53,422 Aw man. 517 00:47:55,078 --> 00:47:58,843 Hi, this is Teri. I'm not home right now, so leave a message 518 00:47:58,893 --> 00:48:01,876 and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. 519 00:48:01,926 --> 00:48:10,366 Ter-eeee! I'm sorry! Come on, give me one more chance! 520 00:48:10,416 --> 00:48:19,241 Pleeeeeeease! Come on Teri. Teri. OH OH, I'm in hell. 521 00:48:19,291 --> 00:48:29,312 I'm in HELL! Teri! Teri pick up the phone. Pick the phone.Pick up the phone! Oh Teri. Oh Teri. PLEEEEESE. Oh Teri. 522 00:48:33,763 --> 00:48:37,171 Oh, Richard... you shouldn't have... 523 00:48:37,489 --> 00:48:40,728 Happy Father's Day, dad 524 00:48:41,938 --> 00:48:43,685 What is this piece of crap? 525 00:48:43,735 --> 00:48:48,684 I thought I told you I wanted a Rolex! A ROLEX!What?! 526 00:48:50,305 --> 00:48:52,717 Uh... sir? What do you want? 527 00:48:52,767 --> 00:48:57,105 Just thought I ought to tell you, sir,there's a lot of talk on the street about this Channel 62. 528 00:48:57,155 --> 00:49:00,222 They're starting to get a pretty strong following... 529 00:49:00,272 --> 00:49:05,066 Excuse me, did you say 'Channel 62.' Uh huh. 530 00:49:05,116 --> 00:49:10,944 Do I need to remind you... that we are a network affiliate?!And we're in competition 531 00:49:10,994 --> 00:49:15,394 with other networks,not with a bunch of punks broadcasting out of a closet! 532 00:49:15,444 --> 00:49:16,598 But, s s s 533 00:49:16,648 --> 00:49:19,932 Do you enjoy wasting my time? Get out of my office... 534 00:49:20,939 --> 00:49:24,059 and take that ridiculous thing off! 535 00:49:49,796 --> 00:49:53,905 What's that mean? What's that mean? 536 00:50:03,921 --> 00:50:07,166 We got a winner! We got a winner! 537 00:50:08,656 --> 00:50:12,109 Joel Miller, you just found the marble in the oatmeal! 538 00:50:12,159 --> 00:50:14,965 You're a lucky, lucky, lucky little boy, cause you know why? 539 00:50:15,015 --> 00:50:18,807 You get to drink from the firehose! 540 00:50:32,512 --> 00:50:34,886 Okay...You ready? YAH! 541 00:50:34,936 --> 00:50:36,575 Open wide! 542 00:50:39,702 --> 00:50:42,249 Joel Miller. Let's here it for him. 543 00:50:45,218 --> 00:50:46,651 Raul Hernandez? Yeah... 544 00:50:46,701 --> 00:50:50,044 Got the delivery here for your next show. Oh, great, whatcha got? 545 00:50:50,086 --> 00:50:56,196 Let's see... I got an ardvork, a flamingo, 546 00:50:56,246 --> 00:50:58,909 four porcupines, two armadillos, three badgers... 547 00:50:59,919 --> 00:51:03,752 Badgers?! Badgers?!! 548 00:51:03,802 --> 00:51:07,439 We don't need no stinking badgers!!! 549 00:51:33,104 --> 00:51:36,176 LIFE MEANS NOTHING WITHOUTH YOU I LOVE YOU 550 00:51:47,216 --> 00:51:50,333 Never before in the history of motion pictures 551 00:51:50,383 --> 00:51:53,763 has there been a screen presence so commanding 552 00:51:53,813 --> 00:51:55,507 ... so powerful 553 00:51:55,557 --> 00:51:56,899 ... so deadly 554 00:51:57,947 --> 00:52:00,144 ... He's CONAN THE LIBRARIAN!" 555 00:52:00,789 --> 00:52:04,065 Can you tell me where I could find a book on astronomy? 556 00:52:07,917 --> 00:52:09,629 Don't you know... 557 00:52:09,679 --> 00:52:12,254 THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM? 558 00:52:12,439 --> 00:52:14,640 Conan the Librarian... 559 00:52:15,567 --> 00:52:18,558 I'm sorry, these books are a little overdue... 560 00:52:20,457 --> 00:52:26,285 Conan the Librarian Tonight, only on U62. 561 00:52:28,746 --> 00:52:36,216 This is a very good watermelon. Tastes like poop. 562 00:52:36,266 --> 00:52:39,138 I'm gonna, I'm gonna eat some corn flakes. 563 00:52:40,037 --> 00:52:47,008 This are good... OH! Free toy inside, free toy inside. 564 00:52:47,203 --> 00:52:49,265 Lets' find it. 565 00:52:50,443 --> 00:52:55,295 Don't let you're mom know that you do this, but I want to find the toy. 566 00:52:55,344 --> 00:53:00,250 NAME THAT STAIN - THE YOUNG AND THE DYSLEXIC - WONDERFUL WORLD OF FLEGM-THAT'S DISGUSTING 567 00:53:00,300 --> 00:53:06,145 Oh look, it's a toy man. It's a toy man. Hey wanna go for a ride?'oh boy is it fun.' Here, I'll just tie this around you're 568 00:53:06,195 --> 00:53:10,759 waste.'no no just wait a minute," No no, I'll show you.'no wait, I don't want to go for a 569 00:53:10,809 --> 00:53:18,020 ride.AHHHHHHHHHH! Stop! Stop! AHHHHH!' Wasn't that fun?'No! Stop! I'm 570 00:53:18,070 --> 00:53:21,218 dizzy.' No, lets go again. 'AHHHHHHH' 571 00:53:22,333 --> 00:53:25,280 Okay, how's this for our new Friday line-up... 572 00:53:25,330 --> 00:53:30,316 Eight o'clock, 'Druids On Parade,' then 'The Volcano Worshippers' Hour' 573 00:53:30,366 --> 00:53:35,243 followed by 'Underwater Bingo For Teens' and... 'Fun With Dirt.' 574 00:53:35,293 --> 00:53:37,723 Why not. 575 00:53:37,773 --> 00:53:41,445 Oh, and get this... I got a call this morning from 576 00:53:41,495 --> 00:53:48,046 a guy who says he can swallow his own face!Can you believe that? I.. Bob? Whatcha got there? 577 00:53:48,096 --> 00:53:52,675 The ratings. Don't tell me we actually showed up on the list... 578 00:53:52,725 --> 00:53:54,100 We're number one. 579 00:53:55,230 --> 00:53:56,378 Say what? 580 00:53:58,370 --> 00:54:03,085 We beat out the networks. This is unbelievable. Look at these numbers. 581 00:54:03,135 --> 00:54:06,623 We've got three shows in the top five. 582 00:54:06,673 --> 00:54:11,108 "Stanley Spadowski's Clubhouse" went through the roof!He got a sixty share! Do you know what this means? 583 00:54:11,158 --> 00:54:14,035 We're going to make some real money! 584 00:54:14,085 --> 00:54:17,569 George... we're the number one station in town! 585 00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:24,063 There's lots of fun coming your way this weekend on U62. 586 00:54:24,113 --> 00:54:28,345 First, slam your way to health as you 'Stay Fit!' with Mike and Spike. 587 00:54:28,395 --> 00:54:33,989 Next, every bodies favorite. Chef Bernie invites you to go 'Bolwing for Burgers.' 588 00:54:34,039 --> 00:54:35,691 Sunday...Be a part of the excitement as 589 00:54:35,741 --> 00:54:39,463 we premiere our dazzling new game show, 'Strip Solitaire!' 590 00:54:39,513 --> 00:54:41,875 And then, join us for 591 00:54:41,925 --> 00:54:45,262 some hilarious fun on the all new practical jokes and bloopers. 592 00:54:45,312 --> 00:54:49,065 And you won't want to miss 'Celebrity Mud Wrestling,' with this week's special 593 00:54:49,115 --> 00:54:51,308 guest, Michel Gorbavich. 594 00:54:53,066 --> 00:54:58,024 It's a whole new weekend on U62. The reason Television was invented. 595 00:54:58,074 --> 00:55:01,047 Be there! Yah 596 00:55:06,174 --> 00:55:11,378 This is indeed a sad day for Channel 8. We've been number one in this 597 00:55:11,428 --> 00:55:14,838 town for the past ten years and now our sponsors are 598 00:55:14,888 --> 00:55:19,119 pulling their accounts...we're losing valuable advertising 599 00:55:19,169 --> 00:55:24,719 revenue...we're losing credibility in the market... and why? 600 00:55:24,769 --> 00:55:31,399 Because of some fly-by-night UHF station. A UHF station! 601 00:55:31,449 --> 00:55:34,368 This is an embarrassment. A disgrace! 602 00:55:34,418 --> 00:55:39,116 What do you think R.J. Fletcher Sr. would saying if he were alive today? 603 00:55:39,166 --> 00:55:44,454 Help! Let me outta this box! I can't breath in here! Help! Lemme out... 604 00:55:46,485 --> 00:55:57,378 We've got to do something. We've got to do it fast. Who owns that station anyway? 605 00:56:15,063 --> 00:56:19,947 Yodf!... Hey, Big Louie! What's happin' Bad news, Mr. Bilchik. 606 00:56:19,963 --> 00:56:23,223 None of your horses came in. Oh, that's to bad. 607 00:56:24,167 --> 00:56:27,443 So, a, what's the damage? 608 00:56:27,493 --> 00:56:29,779 Seventy-five thousand dollars. 609 00:56:35,072 --> 00:56:39,187 Uh... excuse me, Louie, I think I got some water in the phone here. 610 00:56:39,686 --> 00:56:40,990 How much was that again? 611 00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:47,403 Seventy-five thousand dollars. I'll be expecting payment in 2 days. 612 00:56:47,453 --> 00:56:54,063 Two days?! Listen, Louie... I might need a little more time... 613 00:56:54,113 --> 00:57:00,289 Friday night. Ten o'clock. Seventy-five thousand... in cash. 614 00:57:06,708 --> 00:57:09,810 I'm dead meat. 615 00:57:19,542 --> 00:57:23,102 Yeah, what?... Mr. Bilchick? This is R.J. Fletcher. 616 00:57:31,287 --> 00:57:36,383 Can I help you? No, thanks. Just taking a few measurements. 617 00:57:43,273 --> 00:57:45,894 Wait a minute, I think I missed something here. 618 00:57:45,944 --> 00:57:48,964 Oh, didn't I tell you? I own this place now. 619 00:57:49,014 --> 00:57:51,892 You what? What's the matter, kid, 620 00:57:51,942 --> 00:57:54,523 you got wax in your ears? But my Uncle Harvey.. 621 00:57:54,573 --> 00:57:57,589 Harvey Bilchik is flying in tonight to close the deal. 622 00:57:57,639 --> 00:57:59,576 I don't believe this. Hold this kid. 623 00:57:59,626 --> 00:58:02,040 George, do something. Hey, wait a minute, 624 00:58:02,584 --> 00:58:04,434 don't you already own Channel 8. 625 00:58:04,484 --> 00:58:07,954 I mean, isn't it illegal to own two TV stations in the same town. 626 00:58:10,208 --> 00:58:14,038 Oh, really? Gee 627 00:58:14,592 --> 00:58:18,897 I guess I'll turn it into a parking lot. 628 00:58:19,461 --> 00:58:21,575 Toodle Lo 629 00:58:31,274 --> 00:58:32,414 Harvey 630 00:58:32,464 --> 00:58:35,478 I still don't understand what this is all about? I told you 631 00:58:35,528 --> 00:58:38,593 , I just have to wrap up a little business deal and I'll be back in a few days 632 00:58:38,643 --> 00:58:44,308 - and I'll tell you all about it then. - You take care of you're self, you hear? 633 00:58:44,358 --> 00:58:46,688 Bye Bye 634 00:58:51,563 --> 00:58:59,206 Hello? Oh hi George, it's so good to hear from you? How's everything? 635 00:59:01,784 --> 00:59:03,573 HE WHAT! 636 00:59:04,702 --> 00:59:08,101 Harvey Bilchick! Get in here! 637 00:59:14,804 --> 00:59:18,469 Uncle Harvey, at least give me a chance to match his offer. 638 00:59:19,237 --> 00:59:22,336 Yah let me worry about where I'm going to come up with the money. 639 00:59:23,914 --> 00:59:27,749 Yeah, seventy-five thousand, in cash, firday night. 640 00:59:27,799 --> 00:59:34,430 10 O'clock, yah I got it. OK, ok, bye. 641 00:59:36,741 --> 00:59:39,660 George, where are you gonna to come up with that kind of money? 642 00:59:40,100 --> 00:59:44,547 Yeah. And what are you going to do about Fletcher? 643 00:59:44,597 --> 00:59:51,488 Yeah, I wouldn't put anything past that guy.If there were only some way we could keep an eye on him. 644 01:00:55,999 --> 01:01:02,586 Harvey... Harvey Bilchik? Hey, great to see you. R.J. Fletcher. 645 01:01:02,634 --> 01:01:06,659 Did you have a good flight? Yeah... want some peanuts? 646 01:01:06,705 --> 01:01:12,306 No, thank you. Mr. Bilchik, while you're here in town, 647 01:01:12,356 --> 01:01:18,433 I want to make sure you're very comfortable. Anything special you want, you just let me know. 648 01:01:18,483 --> 01:01:23,473 Now, whaddaya say we take care of a little business?I've got all the cash 649 01:01:23,523 --> 01:01:28,325 right here and as soon as you sign these and we can start celebrating. 650 01:01:28,375 --> 01:01:31,405 Yeah, well, uh... listen, I gotta talk to you about that. 651 01:01:31,455 --> 01:01:34,713 What? What's wrong? Well you see, the thing is... 652 01:01:34,763 --> 01:01:38,317 that a I promised George that I'd give him a chance to get all the money 653 01:01:38,367 --> 01:01:41,108 - by Friday night. What are you talking about? We had a deal! 654 01:01:41,158 --> 01:01:46,151 Yeah, I know, I'm sorry, this is just something I had to do.Don't worry about it. There's no possible way 655 01:01:46,201 --> 01:01:50,036 that kid can come-up with seventy-five thousand bucks in two days. 656 01:01:57,081 --> 01:01:58,885 TOWN TALK WITH GEORGE 657 01:01:58,935 --> 01:02:00,670 George Newman. He starts where the others stop. 658 01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:03,234 Sex with furniture, what do you think? 659 01:02:03,284 --> 01:02:07,781 The world watched in amazement as he unlocked 660 01:02:07,831 --> 01:02:10,317 the mysteries of Al Caponio's glove compartment. AH HA! 661 01:02:10,367 --> 01:02:12,097 Road maps! 662 01:02:12,147 --> 01:02:14,464 He blow the lid off Satanism. 663 01:02:14,514 --> 01:02:19,860 Look, all I was trying to say.. Oh shut up you pin head! You make me sick! 664 01:02:19,910 --> 01:02:25,237 Sometimes shocking, always controversial.He deals with topics that the other talk 665 01:02:25,287 --> 01:02:31,220 shows are afraid to touch.He pries, he pokes, he digs deep. He gets 666 01:02:31,270 --> 01:02:36,008 the answers, he gets the facts,and most of all he gets the ratings. 667 01:02:41,210 --> 01:02:45,583 Lesbian, Nazi Hookers, abducted by UFO's 668 01:02:45,633 --> 01:02:49,062 and forced into weight lose programs, all this week, on 'Town Talk.' 669 01:03:04,909 --> 01:03:10,653 George, what's a matter? Stanley, you don't want to know. 670 01:03:13,625 --> 01:03:15,802 Oh... why'd I ask? 671 01:03:20,479 --> 01:03:23,484 Somethin' I can do to help? 672 01:03:23,939 --> 01:03:27,575 Not unless you've got seventy-five thousand dollars. 673 01:03:36,515 --> 01:03:39,150 No... sorry. 674 01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:44,147 This is ridiculous. There must be something I could do... 675 01:03:50,332 --> 01:03:53,740 The U62 telethon is on the air! 676 01:04:00,530 --> 01:04:05,872 Hey, dad, you better turn on Channel 62. Something funny's going on. 677 01:04:10,219 --> 01:04:12,732 Now, we're not asking for donations. 678 01:04:12,782 --> 01:04:16,875 What we are doing is offering everyone in this town a unique business opertunity. 679 01:04:16,925 --> 01:04:24,146 This is one share of stock in Channel 62.Our goal, over the next 680 01:04:24,196 --> 01:04:30,305 day and a half,will be to sell seventy-five hundred of these at ten dollars apiece. 681 01:04:30,355 --> 01:04:33,436 If we succeed, then the station will belong to all of us. 682 01:04:33,486 --> 01:04:38,663 Now I'm calling out an S.O.S. Save Our Station! 683 01:04:39,170 --> 01:04:42,685 We've got volunteers right over here that will be taking your money and they're gonna be here 684 01:04:42,735 --> 01:04:47,089 around the clock for the next two days until every share is sold! 685 01:04:47,139 --> 01:04:50,388 Whaddaya say, kids? Can we do it? 686 01:05:02,471 --> 01:05:10,817 I think it's time you boys paid our Mr. Spadowski a little visit. 687 01:05:13,462 --> 01:05:17,434 Um ya, I'm calling on behalf of our station and were having this telethon 688 01:05:17,484 --> 01:05:21,580 and where trying, really raisin' a lot of money for 689 01:05:21,630 --> 01:05:25,819 channel 62 and we'd really appreciate if you could help us. Bring you're dogs down here 690 01:05:25,820 --> 01:05:27,630 I'll wash them for you. 691 01:05:29,214 --> 01:05:34,403 Well so far, guys your response has been really been incredible, 692 01:05:34,453 --> 01:05:38,914 but we've still got a long way to go... Remember, when you buy stock in U62, 693 01:05:38,964 --> 01:05:42,154 you're not only will you be helping yourself and the community.. 694 01:05:42,814 --> 01:05:47,874 You're doing great, Stanley. Now. remember, you gotta pace yourself..You got a long way 695 01:05:47,898 --> 01:05:51,027 to go before tomorrow night. I can do it, George... I can do it. 696 01:05:52,033 --> 01:05:54,756 All right, now just take it easy... 697 01:05:57,504 --> 01:05:59,503 Is there anything I can get you? 698 01:05:59,658 --> 01:06:02,013 Some play-doh Okay. 699 01:06:02,047 --> 01:06:06,672 NO NO no, give some bubble some real big bubbles. 700 01:06:06,722 --> 01:06:08,447 I'll 'see what I can do. 701 01:06:15,761 --> 01:06:20,587 Who is it? Got a pizza here for Mr. Stanley Spadowski. 702 01:06:20,637 --> 01:06:23,744 Pizza? For me? Oh boy! 703 01:06:27,529 --> 01:06:31,999 I like peppers, but I love anchovies cause there real fishy. 704 01:06:32,049 --> 01:06:37,567 Some times I like to get a pizza with nothing on it but anchovies. 705 01:06:37,617 --> 01:06:41,589 No peppers or olives or onions, just anchovies cause there good. 706 01:06:41,732 --> 01:06:44,794 So... are we gonna kill him? No no. 707 01:06:44,844 --> 01:06:49,645 The boss just wants us to keep him on ice for a while. Easy easy. 708 01:06:50,492 --> 01:06:54,801 Hey... wait a minute... you guys aren't from the pizza place! 709 01:07:02,308 --> 01:07:04,052 ON THE AIR 710 01:07:05,660 --> 01:07:07,838 George, George, you've got to do something. 711 01:07:07,888 --> 01:07:10,361 Every minute Stanley's off the air, we're losing money. 712 01:07:10,411 --> 01:07:14,381 Yeah... listen, just stall as long as you can. I'm sure he'll turn up. 713 01:07:14,431 --> 01:07:16,139 OK. What did the police say? 714 01:07:16,157 --> 01:07:20,527 They're doing everything they can.I'm telling you, George, Fletcher's behind this, I just know it. 715 01:07:30,894 --> 01:07:35,135 Okay, I'm thinking Of something... orange. 716 01:07:35,185 --> 01:07:41,895 Something orange... orange... Ya give up? It's an orange! 717 01:07:41,945 --> 01:07:51,347 Get it? This is fun, huh? Okay, now I'm thinking of something blue... something... blue... 718 01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:55,779 Let me kill him. Please let me kill him. 719 01:08:16,492 --> 01:08:21,585 What! Don't you like Baonaza!? 720 01:08:36,203 --> 01:08:38,591 Ok Philo, go to commercial. 721 01:08:38,641 --> 01:08:41,547 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK... 722 01:08:43,330 --> 01:08:45,619 Next week on U62... 723 01:08:46,728 --> 01:08:47,923 He's back 724 01:08:48,669 --> 01:08:50,132 And this time 725 01:08:50,254 --> 01:08:51,902 He's mad 726 01:08:54,939 --> 01:08:57,427 No more mister passive resistance 727 01:08:57,585 --> 01:09:00,737 He's out to kick some butt 728 01:09:01,676 --> 01:09:05,627 This is one bad mother you don't wanna mess with 729 01:09:10,459 --> 01:09:12,695 Don't move, slimeball 730 01:09:15,161 --> 01:09:17,765 He's a one man recking crew 731 01:09:20,180 --> 01:09:22,827 But he also knows how to party 732 01:09:25,554 --> 01:09:29,560 Gimme a steak, medium rare Hey, Baldy! 733 01:09:29,610 --> 01:09:31,390 There is only one law 734 01:09:31,440 --> 01:09:33,403 His law 735 01:09:40,596 --> 01:09:47,839 Hey, mister! Change? You got change? Do you mind? Get out of my way. 736 01:09:48,170 --> 01:09:53,107 Hey, come on, can't you help a guy out? Anything... 737 01:09:58,305 --> 01:10:00,885 Don't spend it all in one place. 738 01:10:02,522 --> 01:10:12,298 Wow! Oh I can't believe it. Thanks, mister! Thanks a lot! 739 01:10:26,881 --> 01:10:31,144 Um, Mr. Fletcher, may I speak to you for a moment? 740 01:10:31,194 --> 01:10:33,187 Personnel is that way, young lady. 741 01:10:33,545 --> 01:10:37,965 No, I'm not here about a job, I'd like to speak to you about Channel 62. 742 01:10:38,112 --> 01:10:43,043 Channel 62? Oh yes, my demolition team is looking forward 743 01:10:43,093 --> 01:10:45,332 to turning it into a rubble heap on Saturday morning. 744 01:10:45,382 --> 01:10:49,084 Wait a minute. Would you please just listen. 745 01:10:49,942 --> 01:10:52,382 George Newman has turned that little station into something 746 01:10:52,432 --> 01:10:56,181 this community cares about. George Newman is a two-bit 747 01:10:56,231 --> 01:10:59,375 little punk who should never have stuck his nose where it didn't belong 748 01:10:59,425 --> 01:11:01,592 and if he sent you here to try and make a deal... 749 01:11:01,642 --> 01:11:03,996 George doesn't know I'm here. 750 01:11:04,046 --> 01:11:09,432 Look, it just seems to me there's more than enough room for the both of you in this town. 751 01:11:09,482 --> 01:11:13,012 Besides, a little competition is always good for the community. 752 01:11:13,062 --> 01:11:15,628 The community? Let me tell you something. 753 01:11:15,678 --> 01:11:21,381 This community means about as much to me as a festering bowl of dog snot! 754 01:11:31,547 --> 01:11:37,552 You guys...? Hey, you guys...? My blindfold fell off! 755 01:11:37,602 --> 01:11:41,168 You better come fix it. I didn't mean for it .. 756 01:11:42,625 --> 01:11:45,442 HEY... MY SHIRT GLOWS IN THE DARK! WOW!! 757 01:11:47,625 --> 01:11:49,917 Would you shut him up? 758 01:11:51,438 --> 01:11:54,226 I got an itch I got an itch I got an itch I got an itch I got an itch... 759 01:11:58,853 --> 01:12:03,918 I got an itch I got an itch Stanley, I don't want to have to tell you this again. 760 01:12:05,240 --> 01:12:09,855 Shut up! You're makin' us nuts. 761 01:12:09,905 --> 01:12:13,783 Now I got three guys out here 762 01:12:15,423 --> 01:12:19,624 that would love to cut your tongue out. 763 01:12:20,444 --> 01:12:27,322 But I don't want them to do that. I told them not to complain about all this... 764 01:12:28,523 --> 01:12:31,990 ... Stanley, be nice. 765 01:12:32,253 --> 01:12:33,856 MY MOP!! 766 01:12:42,447 --> 01:12:43,516 �Please! 767 01:13:30,231 --> 01:13:31,868 It's a mop 768 01:13:46,092 --> 01:13:48,111 ��?? 769 01:14:03,772 --> 01:14:04,735 Yeah. 770 01:14:16,139 --> 01:14:17,581 Stanley! 771 01:14:20,145 --> 01:14:23,034 Don't move, Spadowski. 772 01:14:24,745 --> 01:14:26,987 Don't even breathe. 773 01:14:34,186 --> 01:14:36,495 What are we gonna do now? 774 01:14:37,617 --> 01:14:39,301 I'll handle this. 775 01:16:33,606 --> 01:16:36,744 HELICOPTER RIDES- $20 776 01:19:00,113 --> 01:19:01,822 Who's this guy? 777 01:19:03,339 --> 01:19:06,177 I'm you're worst nightmare 778 01:19:10,486 --> 01:19:14,971 Listen, I can see you guys are pretty busy...how about if I just come back later? 779 01:19:15,016 --> 01:19:19,417 Forget it, pal. We're all goin' for a little ride. 780 01:19:19,467 --> 01:19:23,376 Oh. Well, we're gonna have to take your car... mine's a two-seater. 781 01:19:23,377 --> 01:19:28,819 Just shut up, kid. You know, you really botched thing up. 782 01:19:28,869 --> 01:19:33,075 If you hadn'ta stuck your face in our business, 783 01:19:34,645 --> 01:19:36,889 we'd all be goin' home soon. 784 01:19:38,898 --> 01:19:46,854 But now I'm gonna have to put you and your friend out of commission... for good. 785 01:19:49,447 --> 01:19:51,982 Red rum! Red rum! 786 01:19:54,080 --> 01:19:55,251 What was that? 787 01:19:55,740 --> 01:19:59,251 Hold on. Though hear something? What? 788 01:19:59,298 --> 01:19:59,987 I don't know... 789 01:20:00,037 --> 01:20:01,585 SUPPLIES 790 01:20:01,635 --> 01:20:02,814 Supplies !!! 791 01:20:18,638 --> 01:20:20,350 Hey, everybody! They're back! 792 01:21:17,594 --> 01:21:23,181 Friends, there comes a time in every man's life 793 01:21:23,231 --> 01:21:29,266 where he has to look the potato of injustice right in the eye. 794 01:21:29,316 --> 01:21:34,871 There's a powerful evil force in the universe, and it lives at Channel 8. 795 01:21:34,921 --> 01:21:37,312 I've seen it. And I don't want it to pop its ugly, greasy head here. Do you? 796 01:21:37,362 --> 01:21:38,507 No! 797 01:21:38,557 --> 01:21:39,914 I can't hear you! 798 01:21:39,964 --> 01:21:41,057 No! ! 799 01:21:41,107 --> 01:21:42,610 I can't hear you!!! 800 01:21:42,660 --> 01:21:43,809 No! ! ! 801 01:21:44,969 --> 01:21:47,037 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 802 01:21:48,603 --> 01:21:50,500 Alright, say it again! 803 01:21:50,903 --> 01:21:52,940 No! ! ! Alright! 804 01:21:53,091 --> 01:21:59,061 And now, a Special Report from the owner and General Manager of Channel 8, R.J. Fletcher. 805 01:21:59,051 --> 01:22:03,813 Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I come before you tonight 806 01:22:03,863 --> 01:22:08,226 to speak on a matter which is of grave concern to us all. 807 01:22:08,654 --> 01:22:15,290 I want to show you how one small television station can single-handedly 808 01:22:15,340 --> 01:22:20,890 disrupt and destroy the moral fiber of an entire community. 809 01:22:20,940 --> 01:22:22,460 SIGNAL OVER-RIDE STAND BY 810 01:22:22,510 --> 01:22:30,525 The following may upset you. It may even shock you. 811 01:22:30,575 --> 01:22:36,125 But I feel it is my duty as a concerned cititizan to bring you this important massage. 812 01:22:39,494 --> 01:22:45,108 This community means about as much to me as a festering bowl of dog snot! 813 01:22:45,158 --> 01:22:48,272 You think I care about the pea-brained yokels in this town? 814 01:22:48,322 --> 01:22:52,460 If you took their combined IQ and multiplied it by a hundred, 815 01:22:52,510 --> 01:22:56,169 you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe,if you didn't 816 01:22:56,219 --> 01:23:02,149 drool all over yourself first.I can't stand those snivelling maggots. They make me want 817 01:23:02,199 --> 01:23:07,830 to puke.But there is one good thing about broadcasting to a town full of mindless 818 01:23:07,880 --> 01:23:14,475 sheep.I always know I've got them exactly where I want them. 819 01:23:32,909 --> 01:23:34,953 Seventy-three thousand dollars! WOHOO! 820 01:23:36,694 --> 01:23:39,923 We just hit the seventy-three thousand dollar mark! 821 01:23:39,973 --> 01:23:43,508 OK Mouseketeers, Come on! We can do it! 822 01:23:46,726 --> 01:23:48,396 Whaddaya say, stranger. 823 01:23:50,244 --> 01:23:55,796 Teri? What are you doing here? I thought you never wanted to see me again. 824 01:23:56,560 --> 01:23:59,358 Well what ever gave you that idea? 825 01:23:59,789 --> 01:24:04,087 Well, I think my first clue was when you said you never wanted to see me again. 826 01:24:04,440 --> 01:24:09,634 Oh. Well, George no matter what happens tonight 827 01:24:09,684 --> 01:24:12,227 I just want you to know that I'm so proud of you. 828 01:24:17,466 --> 01:24:21,920 Uncle Harvey! Listen, we'll definitely have the money for you. 829 01:24:21,970 --> 01:24:24,345 It just may take a few minutes longer than we expected... 830 01:24:24,395 --> 01:24:28,310 Look, kid, if it were up to me, I'd let you have all the time you wanted. 831 01:24:28,311 --> 01:24:33,196 But you know, Big Louie is a punctual kinda guy.I wouldn't want to keep him waiting... 832 01:24:38,149 --> 01:24:42,126 Okay, Okay, I know a lot of you people probably like to wait until the last minute. 833 01:24:42,176 --> 01:24:45,122 Well, this is it! This is the last minute! 834 01:24:45,697 --> 01:24:50,039 What are you doing here? Disturbing the peace. Come on. 835 01:24:50,832 --> 01:24:56,980 Why aren't you home in bed? Stand back. Out of my way. Look out. 836 01:25:03,342 --> 01:25:06,028 This party is over, Mr. Newman. 837 01:25:10,551 --> 01:25:11,942 You can say that again... 838 01:25:21,343 --> 01:25:29,452 Okay, Fletcher, you win... give me the money. Settle down... All in good time MR. Bilick. 839 01:25:29,502 --> 01:25:34,432 What are you crazy?! Give me the money! 840 01:25:34,482 --> 01:25:39,020 Please! If you don't mind, there are a few things I'd like to say 841 01:25:39,070 --> 01:25:41,628 to these people before this transaction takes place... 842 01:25:54,548 --> 01:26:02,900 Dear friends. I'm sure that one day you'll realize that 843 01:26:02,950 --> 01:26:05,847 by shutting down this hot bed of subversive activity... 844 01:26:05,897 --> 01:26:09,469 Hey, Mister... Not now, okay...? 845 01:26:09,519 --> 01:26:13,732 I was just wondering if it was too late to buy shares. 846 01:26:13,782 --> 01:26:18,040 - I'll take whatever you got left. - How much is that? 847 01:26:18,090 --> 01:26:23,221 Two thousand dollars. Keep the change. 848 01:26:34,430 --> 01:26:40,321 Uh... Mr. Big Louie, sir? My Uncle Harvey wanted you to have this. 849 01:26:40,371 --> 01:26:43,638 Seventy-five thousand dollars... it's all here. 850 01:26:46,007 --> 01:26:48,024 Uncle Harvey... 851 01:26:49,218 --> 01:26:50,441 Hey! What's going on here? 852 01:26:52,645 --> 01:26:55,700 Now wait just one minute here! What do you think you're doing? 853 01:26:55,750 --> 01:26:58,434 We did it! The station's ours! 854 01:27:24,621 --> 01:27:27,155 Wow look that 855 01:27:27,205 --> 01:27:31,300 You can't do this! We had an agreement, remember? An oral contract! I'll sue! 856 01:27:31,350 --> 01:27:34,679 Aw, blow it out your ear scuz bag. 857 01:27:35,862 --> 01:27:37,231 R.J. Fletcher? 858 01:27:37,281 --> 01:27:39,916 So what if I am? I'm John Vickers, FCC. 859 01:27:39,966 --> 01:27:44,593 I've noticed that your station is late in filing for its license renewal this year. 860 01:27:44,643 --> 01:27:48,127 Now, normally this kind of violation would be punishable by a stiff fine, 861 01:27:48,177 --> 01:27:52,072 but I've been watching you lately and you've made a big impression on me. 862 01:27:52,122 --> 01:27:57,499 Yah, I'm revoking your license. Effective immediately, you're off the air. 863 01:27:57,787 --> 01:28:01,234 HI! Pamela Finklestein here coming to you with a most incredible 864 01:28:01,284 --> 01:28:05,652 turn of events. Not only has the once-powerful corporate broadcasting giant been 865 01:28:05,702 --> 01:28:10,410 thoroughly crushed and defeated, but now as luck would have it, 866 01:28:10,460 --> 01:28:13,979 they've been completely stripped of their license by the FCC. 867 01:28:14,176 --> 01:28:17,684 Oh well what do you have to say about it, you worthless, slobbering pig? 868 01:28:18,628 --> 01:28:21,961 Dad! Where's my dad? What's going on here? 869 01:28:27,458 --> 01:28:32,139 Awvw... did I do that? Oopsie! 870 01:28:32,916 --> 01:28:35,776 Daddddd! 871 01:28:36,151 --> 01:28:40,291 Philo... Hey, you really went beyond the call of duty on this one, pal. Thanks. 872 01:28:40,536 --> 01:28:42,987 Glad to have been of service, George. 873 01:28:43,037 --> 01:28:47,180 Well, it appears my work on this planet is complete. 874 01:28:47,230 --> 01:28:51,261 I must now return to my home on the planet Zarkon. 875 01:28:51,819 --> 01:28:54,665 Okay, well, have fun. 876 01:28:58,841 --> 01:29:04,005 Hey... nice goin' kid. I didn't know you had it in ya. You're okay. 877 01:29:04,055 --> 01:29:06,687 Thanks, Uncle Harvey. Have a nice flight back to the cost. 878 01:29:08,975 --> 01:29:12,512 Say hi to Aunt Esther for me. Sure will. 879 01:29:15,122 --> 01:29:18,822 Excuse me, aren't you R.J. Fletcher? Yes... 880 01:29:25,652 --> 01:29:28,725 Stanley! Congratulations, you really pulled us through. 881 01:29:28,775 --> 01:29:31,544 Hey George I want you to know that I'm mighty proud to be a part of your team. 882 01:29:31,594 --> 01:29:32,975 Well, I'm mighty proud of you too, Stanley. 883 01:29:33,025 --> 01:29:36,076 In fact, I'd like to present you with a small token of my gratitude. 884 01:29:38,259 --> 01:29:42,528 A trophy! That that's me? 885 01:29:43,126 --> 01:29:48,599 'Stanley... World's Greatest Janitor and TV Star.' 886 01:29:49,499 --> 01:29:54,630 Ah, George... I've never had any one give me a trophy before. 887 01:29:54,680 --> 01:30:01,165 It's big. George, you're my best friend in the whole world! 888 01:30:01,621 --> 01:30:06,439 I'm gonna go show this to everybody right now!!Hey, everybody! Look at what George gave me! 889 01:30:07,169 --> 01:30:15,774 Hey! Hey, I know you! You're the guy that gave me that 1955 double dye Denver 890 01:30:15,824 --> 01:30:23,459 Mint penny!Thanks a lot, mister! That thing was worth a fortune! 891 01:30:23,509 --> 01:30:28,150 After I cashed it in, I had enough money to buy a whole bunch of shares... 892 01:30:28,200 --> 01:30:33,085 plus, I got this neat watch. 893 01:30:33,135 --> 01:30:36,331 It's a Ro-lex. See? 894 01:30:47,593 --> 01:30:50,809 Um, George? Ah uh 895 01:30:50,859 --> 01:30:53,682 You know those dreams you/re always having? 896 01:30:53,732 --> 01:30:55,321 Yeah...? 897 01:30:55,371 --> 01:31:01,543 Well, do you think that maybe sometime I could be part of them? 898 01:31:03,583 --> 01:31:07,916 Honey... from now on, you're going to be in all of them. 899 01:31:09,621 --> 01:31:11,744 Aww... George... 900 01:31:11,794 --> 01:31:15,307 Darlin'... let's leave this place right now... 901 01:31:15,313 --> 01:31:18,391 Let's go this very minute No, dear, please... 902 01:31:18,441 --> 01:31:20,935 let's wait 'til tomorrow... 903 01:31:20,984 --> 01:31:23,311 But, why? Why? 904 01:31:23,822 --> 01:31:26,938 Because tomorrow... is another day! 905 01:31:27,967 --> 01:31:30,619 I knew she was gonna say that. 906 01:32:06,202 --> 01:32:11,309 Put down your remote control Throw out your TV Guide 907 01:32:13,717 --> 01:32:18,865 Put away your jacket There's no need to go outside 908 01:32:19,762 --> 01:32:24,446 Don't you know that we control the horizontal 909 01:32:24,753 --> 01:32:28,390 We control the verticle, too 910 01:32:28,709 --> 01:32:36,151 We gonna make a couch potato out of you That's what we gonna do now 911 01:32:36,419 --> 01:32:39,887 Don't change the channel Don't touch that dial 912 01:32:40,172 --> 01:32:43,689 We got it all on UHF 913 01:32:43,877 --> 01:32:47,597 Kick off your sneakers Stick around for a while 914 01:32:47,807 --> 01:32:50,805 We got it all on UHF 915 01:32:51,024 --> 01:32:54,341 Don't worry 'bout your laundry Forget about your job 916 01:32:54,558 --> 01:32:57,636 Just crank up the volume And yank off the knob 917 01:32:57,827 --> 01:33:03,039 We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF 918 01:33:09,868 --> 01:33:15,533 Disconnect the phone and leave the dishes in the sink 919 01:33:16,576 --> 01:33:23,155 You better put away your homework Prime time ain't no time to think 920 01:33:23,386 --> 01:33:27,924 All you do is make yourself a TV dinner 921 01:33:28,100 --> 01:33:32,271 Press your face right up against the screen 922 01:33:32,404 --> 01:33:37,029 We gonna show you thangs you ain't ever seen 923 01:33:37,317 --> 01:33:39,969 If you know what I mean, now 924 01:33:40,098 --> 01:33:43,502 Don't change the channel Don't touch that dial 925 01:33:43,665 --> 01:33:47,163 We got it all on UHF 926 01:33:47,344 --> 01:33:51,325 Kick off your sneakers Stick around for a while 927 01:33:51,457 --> 01:33:54,502 We got it all on UHF 928 01:33:54,636 --> 01:33:57,977 Don't worry 'bout your laundry Forget about your job 929 01:33:58,386 --> 01:34:01,387 Just crank up the volume And yank off the knob 930 01:34:01,573 --> 01:34:06,551 We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF 931 01:34:39,268 --> 01:34:42,862 You can watch us all day You can watch us all night 932 01:34:43,012 --> 01:34:46,615 You can watch us any time that you please 933 01:34:46,740 --> 01:34:50,283 You can sit around and stare at the picture tube 934 01:34:50,484 --> 01:34:53,409 'Till your brain turns into cottage cheese 935 01:34:55,164 --> 01:34:58,557 Don't change the channel Don't touch that dial 936 01:34:58,678 --> 01:35:01,911 We got it all on UHF 937 01:35:02,194 --> 01:35:06,059 Kick off your sneakers Stick around for a while 938 01:35:06,172 --> 01:35:09,440 We got it all on UHF 939 01:35:09,598 --> 01:35:12,807 Don't worry 'bout your laundry Forget about your job 940 01:35:12,929 --> 01:35:16,300 Just crank up the volume And yank off the knob 941 01:35:16,466 --> 01:35:21,514 We got it all, we got it all, we got it all on UHF 942 01:36:44,369 --> 01:36:51,284 This Film is Dedicated to the Memory fo Trinidad Silva