1 00:00:00,003 --> 00:00:01,815 kids? 2 00:00:01,826 --> 00:00:03,623 Fuck, no! 3 00:00:03,695 --> 00:00:06,163 Do you think I'm some kind of pervert? 4 00:00:06,231 --> 00:00:09,132 I just mean because you're Santa Claus. 5 00:00:10,168 --> 00:00:11,135 Oh. 6 00:00:11,202 --> 00:00:13,466 I like kids. I really like kids. 7 00:00:13,538 --> 00:00:15,699 -You do? -I love kids. 8 00:00:15,773 --> 00:00:17,434 Well, good. 9 00:00:18,710 --> 00:00:21,770 Yeah, they're something else, those kids. 10 00:00:23,915 --> 00:00:25,815 And to tell you the truth... 11 00:00:27,452 --> 00:00:31,513 The fact of the matter is, I'm not Santa. 12 00:00:34,292 --> 00:00:36,783 Like ya anyway. 13 00:00:51,242 --> 00:00:53,574 So, you'll call me, right? 14 00:00:53,645 --> 00:00:56,409 Yeah. I'll call you. 15 00:00:56,481 --> 00:00:57,812 I'm gonna buy you some flowers. 16 00:00:57,882 --> 00:01:00,316 Some of those really good expensive ones. 17 00:01:00,385 --> 00:01:01,647 Shut up. 18 00:01:03,922 --> 00:01:05,856 Bye. 19 00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:14,914 Roger, you're home. 20 00:02:14,993 --> 00:02:17,689 Let me fix you some sandwiches. 21 00:02:19,964 --> 00:02:20,953 What the fuck? 22 00:02:21,032 --> 00:02:24,433 Kid, what the fuck is wrong with you? 23 00:02:29,474 --> 00:02:30,873 Jesus Christ! 24 00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,409 Let me see it! Let me see it! 25 00:02:32,477 --> 00:02:33,774 What the hell happened to you?! 26 00:02:33,845 --> 00:02:37,076 I cut my hand by mistake! Ow! 27 00:02:37,148 --> 00:02:39,708 -Of course it was by mistake. -Ow! 28 00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,775 Here, hold still. Hold still. 29 00:02:43,321 --> 00:02:45,516 I was just trying to help you! 30 00:02:45,590 --> 00:02:48,457 I forgot to say, "It's gonna sting a little bit." 31 00:02:48,526 --> 00:02:51,017 Shouldn't I wrap it in a T-shirt or something? 32 00:02:51,095 --> 00:02:52,790 God damn it. 33 00:02:57,268 --> 00:03:00,169 -Hey, kid? 34 00:03:01,339 --> 00:03:03,899 Kid, you okay up there? 35 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:06,500 You need a Band-Aid or something? 36 00:03:15,753 --> 00:03:17,846 Aw, shit. 37 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:27,858 You're late. 38 00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:36,431 Kids. Let me tell you. 39 00:03:39,944 --> 00:03:41,775 They run you ragged. 40 00:03:53,458 --> 00:03:55,653 Morning, team. 41 00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:57,286 Hey, hey, hey. 42 00:03:57,361 --> 00:03:59,625 It's not quite 8:00 yet. 43 00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:02,656 Well, how close are we? 44 00:04:07,171 --> 00:04:08,502 Now it's 8:00. 45 00:04:08,573 --> 00:04:09,665 Merry Christmas. 46 00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:11,708 Up your ass. 47 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,414 God damn it! 48 00:04:19,484 --> 00:04:21,042 You tear your ball again? 49 00:04:21,119 --> 00:04:22,381 I don't think so. 50 00:04:22,453 --> 00:04:25,047 That's it. 51 00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:43,699 God damn it! 52 00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:00,781 Sweetheart, don't romance 'em, now. 53 00:05:00,858 --> 00:05:02,519 Go on and get in there. I can take it. 54 00:05:05,163 --> 00:05:06,061 Yeah. 55 00:05:06,130 --> 00:05:08,121 Gin, I got the info on that Arizona plate. 56 00:05:08,199 --> 00:05:10,167 All right. Now you're talking. 57 00:05:10,234 --> 00:05:12,259 Oh, hold on one minute. 58 00:05:12,336 --> 00:05:14,736 Baby, baby. Baby, baby. Don't use that one. 59 00:05:14,805 --> 00:05:15,863 That's not the stuff. 60 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,238 Use something with some claws to it. 61 00:05:18,309 --> 00:05:20,709 Yeah, that hard candy. That's it right there. 62 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:24,043 Let me get some of that. Yeah, that's it. 63 00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:25,446 Okay. 64 00:05:25,516 --> 00:05:26,448 Yeah, I'm back. 65 00:05:26,517 --> 00:05:27,950 The guy's Roger Merman. 66 00:05:28,019 --> 00:05:30,249 -Guess where he is. -Give it to me. 67 00:05:30,321 --> 00:05:33,415 Ow! Damn it! What's wrong with you, woman? 68 00:05:42,833 --> 00:05:44,425 Who are you? 69 00:05:44,502 --> 00:05:45,730 Your name Roger Merman? 70 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:46,792 Yes. But... 71 00:05:46,871 --> 00:05:48,600 You doing three to six for embezzlement? 72 00:05:48,673 --> 00:05:53,269 Uh, well, many accounting questions are not cut-and-dried. 73 00:05:53,344 --> 00:05:55,778 Do you live at 41 Sage Terrace? 74 00:05:55,846 --> 00:05:57,814 Is it Grandma? 75 00:05:57,882 --> 00:05:59,076 Is my son all right? 76 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,481 They're fine. 77 00:06:00,551 --> 00:06:02,849 Do you have any houseguests? 78 00:06:03,554 --> 00:06:04,680 Houseguests? 79 00:06:06,591 --> 00:06:09,082 Thank you for your time. God bless. 80 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,819 Well, hey, who are you? 81 00:06:14,098 --> 00:06:16,293 Houseguests? 82 00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:21,930 Little trick I learned up at the North Pole. 83 00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:24,770 If you fry baloney, it tastes like a hot dog. 84 00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:26,742 I thought you didn't like sandwiches. 85 00:06:26,811 --> 00:06:28,745 Yeah, but this is not a sandwich. 86 00:06:28,813 --> 00:06:30,371 A sandwich has two pieces of bread 87 00:06:30,448 --> 00:06:32,279 with a bunch of junk on it. 88 00:06:33,517 --> 00:06:35,041 It's like a tostada. 89 00:06:35,119 --> 00:06:37,713 This isn't a tostada. 90 00:06:37,788 --> 00:06:39,119 There you go, Granny. 91 00:06:40,124 --> 00:06:42,456 Little salsa here. 92 00:06:43,527 --> 00:06:45,927 Now it's a tostada. 93 00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:48,293 Have you seen my Advent calendar? 94 00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:50,766 What the fuck is it with the Advent calendar? 95 00:06:50,835 --> 00:06:52,996 Why are you so obsessed with that goddamn thing? 96 00:06:53,070 --> 00:06:55,061 The story sucks anyway. 97 00:06:59,143 --> 00:07:00,701 I think I saw it in the hallway. 98 00:07:00,778 --> 00:07:02,507 -Really? -I think so. 99 00:07:11,289 --> 00:07:14,053 Looks like someone messed with my Advent calendar. 100 00:07:14,125 --> 00:07:16,685 What are you talking about? Let me see. 101 00:07:17,928 --> 00:07:20,294 Nobody messed with it. It looks fine. 102 00:07:34,945 --> 00:07:37,709 There's a candy corn in this one. 103 00:07:37,782 --> 00:07:40,410 Well, they can't all be winners, can they? 104 00:07:45,356 --> 00:07:48,325 Well, it's fucked. 105 00:07:48,392 --> 00:07:49,791 Yeah? 106 00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:51,487 Yeah. 107 00:07:51,562 --> 00:07:53,257 -Fucked, frankly. -He's... 108 00:07:53,331 --> 00:07:54,923 -Clean... -Oh. 109 00:07:54,999 --> 00:07:56,694 -As a fucking whistle. -Nothing? 110 00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:58,064 -No. -Oh. 111 00:07:58,135 --> 00:08:00,069 -Nothing. I mean shit. -Yeah. 112 00:08:00,137 --> 00:08:01,399 -He curses. -Yeah? 113 00:08:01,472 --> 00:08:03,269 -But never around children. -Oh. 114 00:08:03,341 --> 00:08:04,774 -No criminal record. -Yeah. 115 00:08:04,842 --> 00:08:07,436 -No parking tickets. -Nothing. 116 00:08:07,511 --> 00:08:09,604 -No bad habits, even. -Oh. 117 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:10,977 Sex, yeah. 118 00:08:11,048 --> 00:08:13,710 -But man is a sexual being. -Yeah. 119 00:08:13,784 --> 00:08:15,581 -Fuckin' Darwinian. -Oh. 120 00:08:15,653 --> 00:08:17,712 -You can't do shit about that. -No. 121 00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:19,483 Hell, I wouldn't want to. 122 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,952 No, of course not. I'm not advocating celibacy. 123 00:08:26,030 --> 00:08:28,794 Hope not. It'd be the end of the fucking human race. 124 00:08:28,866 --> 00:08:30,629 Yeah. 125 00:08:30,701 --> 00:08:32,362 Fucks large women. 126 00:08:33,237 --> 00:08:34,898 What can I say? 127 00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:50,409 Hey, look, it's the retard again. 128 00:09:01,265 --> 00:09:02,232 Wedgie. 129 00:09:02,299 --> 00:09:03,960 -Yeah. -Yeah. 130 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:07,804 Well, what the hell do you want? 131 00:09:07,872 --> 00:09:09,271 Pok�mon! 132 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:10,705 Done. 133 00:09:15,079 --> 00:09:18,310 You probably shouldn't be digging in your ass. 134 00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:21,381 Santa... 135 00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:24,750 Oh, jeez. 136 00:09:28,092 --> 00:09:30,492 -Is that your underwear? -Part of it. 137 00:09:30,561 --> 00:09:32,358 Where the hell's the rest of it? 138 00:09:32,430 --> 00:09:34,898 No, actually, don't tell me. What do you want? 139 00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:38,526 I was thinking I wanted a purple stuffed elephant, not pink. 140 00:09:38,602 --> 00:09:40,297 But now I changed my mind. 141 00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:43,306 -Yeah, what? -Now I don't want an elephant. 142 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,932 I want a gorilla named Davey 143 00:09:45,009 --> 00:09:47,876 for beating up the skateboard kids who pull on my underwear. 144 00:09:47,945 --> 00:09:50,311 He could take his orders from the talking walnut, 145 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:52,815 so it wouldn't be my bad thing. 146 00:09:57,421 --> 00:09:58,649 Jesus, kid. 147 00:09:58,722 --> 00:10:00,986 When I was your age, I didn't need no gorilla, 148 00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,026 and I wasn't as big as one of your legs. 149 00:10:03,093 --> 00:10:05,493 Four kids beat me up and I went crying to my daddy. 150 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,428 -You know what he did? -He made it all better? 151 00:10:07,498 --> 00:10:10,262 No, he kicked my ass. You know why? 152 00:10:10,334 --> 00:10:13,235 'Cause you went to the bathroom on Mommy's dishes? 153 00:10:13,304 --> 00:10:14,896 What the fuck? 154 00:10:14,972 --> 00:10:15,836 No. 155 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:18,568 He tried to teach you not to cry and be a man? 156 00:10:18,642 --> 00:10:22,806 No. It's because he was a mean, drunk son of a bitch. 157 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,541 When he wasn't busting my ass, 158 00:10:24,615 --> 00:10:26,446 he was putting cigarettes out on my neck. 159 00:10:26,517 --> 00:10:27,848 The world ain't fair. 160 00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:30,318 You gotta take what you need when you can get it. 161 00:10:30,387 --> 00:10:33,083 Learn to stand up for yourself. Quit being a pussy. 162 00:10:33,157 --> 00:10:35,819 Kick these kids in the balls or something. 163 00:10:37,461 --> 00:10:39,019 Or don't. Shit, I don't care. 164 00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:41,587 Just leave me out of it. Now, get on out of here. 165 00:10:41,665 --> 00:10:44,190 Okay. Thanks, Santa. 166 00:10:58,649 --> 00:11:01,117 Go get the next lucky boy or girl, okay? 167 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:04,216 All right, next. 168 00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:08,388 Open the ropes there, Marcus. 169 00:11:09,426 --> 00:11:10,620 I know you? 170 00:11:10,694 --> 00:11:11,718 Not yet. 171 00:11:13,931 --> 00:11:16,195 Seven cities in seven years. 172 00:11:16,267 --> 00:11:17,928 Pretty impressive. 173 00:11:18,002 --> 00:11:20,300 The store changes, your name changes. 174 00:11:20,371 --> 00:11:22,839 But you always get away clean. 175 00:11:22,907 --> 00:11:24,169 Yeah. 176 00:11:24,241 --> 00:11:26,141 Pretty darn impressive. 177 00:11:26,210 --> 00:11:27,802 Well, let's face the facts. 178 00:11:27,878 --> 00:11:30,108 Y'all are a couple of half-bucket small-timers. 179 00:11:30,180 --> 00:11:33,411 You, because of your physical attributes, found a niche, 180 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:35,008 and I respect that. 181 00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:37,110 But you also been caught... 182 00:11:38,222 --> 00:11:39,348 ...by me. 183 00:11:39,423 --> 00:11:42,256 So this is how it's gonna be. 184 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,953 I don't want to take over. 185 00:11:44,028 --> 00:11:46,292 I don't even want to change your scam. 186 00:11:46,363 --> 00:11:48,456 Whatever you guys do, it works. 187 00:11:48,532 --> 00:11:50,432 All I want is a taste. 188 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,026 When the deed is done, we part ways. 189 00:11:53,103 --> 00:11:54,934 I'll buy a little ranch in Havasu, 190 00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:58,372 and you all take your little medicine show back on the road. 191 00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:02,308 -How much? -Half. 192 00:12:02,379 --> 00:12:04,677 No way! You don't know who you're fucking with. 193 00:12:04,748 --> 00:12:07,911 Back off, Will. I got this. I got this! 194 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,185 Okay. 30%. 195 00:12:11,255 --> 00:12:14,053 There's three of us. 30%. That's fair. 196 00:12:14,124 --> 00:12:15,819 Half. 197 00:12:15,893 --> 00:12:17,190 I meant 33%... 198 00:12:17,261 --> 00:12:18,125 I meant half. 199 00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:19,219 ...and 1/3. 200 00:12:19,296 --> 00:12:20,786 Half. 201 00:12:22,099 --> 00:12:23,293 35%. 202 00:12:24,234 --> 00:12:24,962 Half. 203 00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:26,696 40%. 204 00:12:27,871 --> 00:12:29,304 Half. 205 00:12:31,342 --> 00:12:32,707 42%. 206 00:12:34,878 --> 00:12:36,243 Half. 207 00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:42,378 45%. 208 00:12:48,425 --> 00:12:50,017 Half. 209 00:12:51,128 --> 00:12:52,117 48%? 210 00:12:53,297 --> 00:12:55,356 Half. 211 00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:57,124 49%. 212 00:12:57,201 --> 00:12:58,634 Half. 213 00:13:00,304 --> 00:13:02,169 Well, what's one point? 214 00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:04,173 We split the dough right down the middle. 215 00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,709 Any merchandise you take, I get to look at and cherry-pick. 216 00:13:06,777 --> 00:13:09,109 No! Money's one thing, but you ain't gettin' the -- 217 00:13:09,179 --> 00:13:11,613 This ain't no Chinese menu, jagoff. 218 00:13:11,682 --> 00:13:14,242 I tell you how it's gonna be. 219 00:13:14,318 --> 00:13:16,684 This is pricks fix. 220 00:13:22,159 --> 00:13:23,217 Pricks fix? 221 00:13:23,293 --> 00:13:25,227 He's a fucking moron. 222 00:13:25,295 --> 00:13:26,193 Oh, really? 223 00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:28,060 Is that how you got the upper hand? 224 00:13:28,132 --> 00:13:29,030 Fuck you. 225 00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:30,088 Negotiating? 226 00:13:30,167 --> 00:13:32,032 If you don't like, next year, fuck off. 227 00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,865 I can always get another box jockey. 228 00:13:33,937 --> 00:13:35,302 I can get another midget, too. 229 00:13:35,372 --> 00:13:36,600 Yeah, where? 230 00:13:36,674 --> 00:13:39,700 You see us hanging off of trees like fucking crab apples? 231 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,211 Even if we did, you'd never front your own racket. 232 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:44,611 You know why, Willie? You got no discipline. 233 00:13:44,682 --> 00:13:48,015 You got zero fuckin' initiative. You'd fall apart without me. 234 00:13:48,085 --> 00:13:49,712 You're too pathetic for words. 235 00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:52,551 You're a fucking loser, and you fucking know it. 236 00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,857 To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh 237 00:14:02,933 --> 00:14:05,993 Giddyup, jingle horse, pick up your feet 238 00:14:06,070 --> 00:14:09,437 Jingle around the clock 239 00:14:09,506 --> 00:14:13,135 Mix and mingle in the jinglin' beat 240 00:14:13,210 --> 00:14:15,041 That's the jingle bell rock 241 00:14:15,112 --> 00:14:18,946 Santa'll be here real soon, kids. Real soon. 242 00:14:19,016 --> 00:14:22,349 Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time 243 00:14:22,419 --> 00:14:24,216 There he is. Look. 244 00:14:24,288 --> 00:14:26,586 In jingle bell square 245 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:29,182 Oh, no. 246 00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:32,660 What a bright time, it's the right time 247 00:14:32,730 --> 00:14:35,324 To rock the night away 248 00:14:35,399 --> 00:14:37,799 Oh, my God! 249 00:14:37,868 --> 00:14:39,836 Is a swell time 250 00:14:39,903 --> 00:14:42,997 To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh 251 00:14:43,073 --> 00:14:46,236 Giddyup, jingle horse, pick up your feet 252 00:14:46,310 --> 00:14:49,438 Jingle around the clock 253 00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:53,313 Mix and mingle in the jinglin' beat... 254 00:15:06,497 --> 00:15:08,488 Sweet Jews for Jesus. 255 00:15:08,565 --> 00:15:10,590 I pissed myself. 256 00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:12,362 What the fuck do you think you doing? 257 00:15:12,436 --> 00:15:14,267 You son of a bitch! 258 00:15:14,338 --> 00:15:15,498 Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey. 259 00:15:15,572 --> 00:15:16,937 Hey, come on, come on. 260 00:15:17,007 --> 00:15:18,634 Look, hey! Come on, come on! 261 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,643 Look here. Get him out of here. 262 00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:22,338 I'll smooth things over with Chipeska. 263 00:15:22,412 --> 00:15:25,176 -Tell him food poisoning. -"Get him out of here"? 264 00:15:25,249 --> 00:15:26,580 Take him to the car. 265 00:15:26,650 --> 00:15:29,642 In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a motherfuckin' dwarf. 266 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,711 So unless you got a forklift handy, 267 00:15:31,789 --> 00:15:33,723 maybe you should lend a hand, hmm? 268 00:15:33,791 --> 00:15:35,850 That figures. You want all kind of set-asides. 269 00:15:35,926 --> 00:15:37,791 Special treatment 'cause you're handicapped. 270 00:15:37,861 --> 00:15:38,759 You all the same. 271 00:15:38,829 --> 00:15:39,921 Special treatment? 272 00:15:39,997 --> 00:15:42,329 I'm 3-foot-fucking-tall, you asshole! 273 00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:43,991 It's a matter of physics. 274 00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:46,535 Draw me a sketch of how I get him to the car, huh? 275 00:15:46,603 --> 00:15:48,366 Bitch, bitch, bitch. 276 00:15:48,438 --> 00:15:50,065 Sketch it up, you moron. 277 00:15:50,140 --> 00:15:52,700 Fucking Leonardo da Vinci. 278 00:15:53,977 --> 00:15:55,444 What you call me, thigh high? 279 00:15:55,512 --> 00:15:57,173 I called you a fucking guinea homo 280 00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:59,579 from the 1 5th-fucking-century, you dickhead! 281 00:15:59,650 --> 00:16:01,743 I could stick you up my ass, small fry. 282 00:16:01,819 --> 00:16:04,481 Yeah? You sure it ain't too sore from last night? 283 00:16:04,555 --> 00:16:06,386 You got some lip on you, midget. 284 00:16:06,456 --> 00:16:09,289 Well, these lips were on your wife's pussy last night. 285 00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:12,123 Why don't you dust that thing off once in a while? 286 00:16:12,196 --> 00:16:13,754 Asshole. 287 00:16:18,235 --> 00:16:19,532 I pissed my pants. 288 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:20,934 Oh, shut up. 289 00:16:45,729 --> 00:16:47,629 Santa. 290 00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:58,934 Santa? 291 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,709 What? 292 00:17:03,013 --> 00:17:04,810 What are you doing? 293 00:17:06,183 --> 00:17:07,650 Nothing. 294 00:17:08,685 --> 00:17:10,653 You going to work today? 295 00:17:14,024 --> 00:17:15,889 Not really. 296 00:17:15,959 --> 00:17:18,689 You just gonna sit there? 297 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:21,763 Yeah. 298 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:24,528 Just let me alone, okay? 299 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,973 Hey, wait a minute. Hey, kid? 300 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:31,507 Yeah? 301 00:17:35,545 --> 00:17:37,410 I want you to take this letter. 302 00:17:37,481 --> 00:17:41,611 When the paramedics come to bag Santa up, 303 00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:43,710 there's gonna be some cops there. 304 00:17:43,787 --> 00:17:46,984 I want you to make sure that those cops get that envelope. 305 00:17:47,057 --> 00:17:48,922 What is it? 306 00:17:48,992 --> 00:17:51,984 It just tells all the bad things that... 307 00:17:54,398 --> 00:17:56,889 What the fuck happened to your eye? 308 00:17:58,101 --> 00:17:59,534 Fucking little prick! 309 00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:05,136 So you like to give little kids black eyes, huh? 310 00:18:07,644 --> 00:18:09,771 How 'bout you, huh?! You want some?! 311 00:18:09,846 --> 00:18:12,440 Anybody else? Anybody else? Come on! 312 00:18:12,516 --> 00:18:14,245 Yeah, there you go. 313 00:18:32,202 --> 00:18:34,830 You know, I think I've turned a corner. 314 00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:39,008 Yeah? You fucking petites now? 315 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,442 No. I'm not talking about that. 316 00:18:43,547 --> 00:18:47,108 I beat the shit out of some kids today. 317 00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:49,448 But it was for a purpose. 318 00:18:51,822 --> 00:18:54,416 It made me feel good about myself. 319 00:18:56,059 --> 00:18:58,619 It was like I did something constructive with my life. 320 00:18:58,695 --> 00:19:00,458 I don't know. 321 00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:02,862 Like I accomplished something. 322 00:19:06,236 --> 00:19:09,103 You need many years of therapy. 323 00:19:09,172 --> 00:19:13,233 Many, many, many fuckin' years of therapy. 324 00:19:14,011 --> 00:19:16,571 Okay. You don't drink, which is smart on your part. 325 00:19:16,646 --> 00:19:18,739 But being sober can put you at a disadvantage 326 00:19:18,815 --> 00:19:20,282 when it comes to violence. 327 00:19:20,350 --> 00:19:22,511 I can't box worth a shit, see. 328 00:19:22,586 --> 00:19:26,420 But I'm good in a fight because I can't feel anything. 329 00:19:26,490 --> 00:19:29,015 You, you're gonna feel everything. 330 00:19:30,293 --> 00:19:31,760 Okay. 331 00:19:31,828 --> 00:19:35,525 Now put your dukes up. Let me see what you got. 332 00:19:35,599 --> 00:19:36,623 This is bullshit! 333 00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:40,033 Give me one good reason why l should even consider doing this. 334 00:19:40,103 --> 00:19:42,628 'Cause I let 2,000 kids spit in my face for your ass. 335 00:19:42,706 --> 00:19:43,764 That's why. 336 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,603 Now, I'm asking you for this one thing. 337 00:19:45,675 --> 00:19:47,370 Come on, look at the kid. 338 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,074 He is pathetic. 339 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:51,739 Yeah, he's just a little... 340 00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:53,976 He's a fucking retard. 341 00:19:55,185 --> 00:19:57,312 Yeah, let's show him a couple of things 342 00:19:57,387 --> 00:19:58,718 so he can defend himself, then. 343 00:19:58,789 --> 00:20:00,416 Unless you're scared. 344 00:20:01,858 --> 00:20:03,655 All right, here's what's gonna happen. 345 00:20:03,727 --> 00:20:05,126 Marcus is a bully, right? 346 00:20:05,195 --> 00:20:07,163 He's gonna pull your underwear up out of your pants. 347 00:20:07,230 --> 00:20:08,458 Now, what do you do? 348 00:20:08,532 --> 00:20:09,590 I don't know. 349 00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:10,928 God damn it! You don't know? 350 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:14,334 If somebody wants to pull your underwear up out of your pants, 351 00:20:14,404 --> 00:20:15,598 you have to get mad. 352 00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,799 Yeah, kid, come on. Get mad. 353 00:20:17,874 --> 00:20:19,273 Scream at him. 354 00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:22,500 Jesus fucking Christ. 355 00:20:22,579 --> 00:20:24,911 Listen at him. He's a fucking faggot. 356 00:20:25,816 --> 00:20:27,249 Loud! Scream! 357 00:20:27,317 --> 00:20:29,251 Be loud! Be mean! 358 00:20:29,319 --> 00:20:30,513 Piss him off! Come on! 359 00:20:30,587 --> 00:20:31,815 Aah! 360 00:20:37,227 --> 00:20:40,355 You don't hit people in the balls, 361 00:20:40,430 --> 00:20:41,590 you asshole! 362 00:20:41,665 --> 00:20:43,633 Aah! 363 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:46,032 What the fuck's wrong with you? He's just a kid. 364 00:20:46,103 --> 00:20:48,003 -Fuck you, Willie! -Ow! 365 00:20:48,738 --> 00:20:50,501 God damn it. 366 00:20:50,574 --> 00:20:52,235 I told you I didn't want to do this! 367 00:20:52,309 --> 00:20:54,277 Making me... Ohh! 368 00:20:55,812 --> 00:20:57,712 Oh, shit. 369 00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:03,584 Kid, maybe you shouldn't spend so much time around me. 370 00:21:04,955 --> 00:21:07,116 You sneaky little prick. 371 00:21:08,325 --> 00:21:10,793 Fuck you! Little bastard! 372 00:21:10,861 --> 00:21:12,192 Get off me! 373 00:21:19,436 --> 00:21:22,701 Shut up. That's not even what you said. 374 00:21:22,772 --> 00:21:24,535 Oh, God damn it, I forgot about that. 375 00:21:24,608 --> 00:21:27,236 We got a fucking nursing home around here. 376 00:21:27,310 --> 00:21:29,437 Well, we can go in another room. 377 00:21:34,451 --> 00:21:36,885 She does look kind of still, doesn't she? 378 00:21:39,823 --> 00:21:41,347 Hey, Granny? 379 00:21:44,294 --> 00:21:46,057 Hey, Granny. 380 00:21:51,835 --> 00:21:54,099 Hey, there, Granny? 381 00:21:54,171 --> 00:21:55,866 Oh, Granny. 382 00:21:58,141 --> 00:21:59,108 Oh, my God. 383 00:21:59,176 --> 00:22:00,700 What the fuck? 384 00:22:03,213 --> 00:22:04,407 Oh, shit. 385 00:22:07,951 --> 00:22:09,179 -Roger! -God! 386 00:22:09,252 --> 00:22:11,846 -God damn it! Shit! -You're home. 387 00:22:11,922 --> 00:22:15,517 -Please just tap me. -Let me fix some sandwiches. 388 00:22:51,094 --> 00:22:52,288 Hello, little boy. 389 00:22:52,362 --> 00:22:53,920 Hello. Santa... 390 00:22:53,997 --> 00:22:56,727 I know that Christmas Eve is in a couple days, 391 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,358 and you have to fly around the world 392 00:22:58,435 --> 00:23:02,599 and give presents to everyone, and you won't be around anymore. 393 00:23:02,672 --> 00:23:03,604 Yeah? 394 00:23:03,673 --> 00:23:06,198 So I thought I'd give you your present now. 395 00:23:13,083 --> 00:23:14,175 What the fuck is it? 396 00:23:14,251 --> 00:23:16,116 It's a wooden pickle. 397 00:23:17,654 --> 00:23:20,179 -Why'd you paint it brown? -It's not paint. 398 00:23:20,257 --> 00:23:23,658 It's blood from when I cut my hand making it for you. 399 00:23:25,262 --> 00:23:26,490 Oh. 400 00:23:26,563 --> 00:23:28,895 Well, shit, kid, I don't know. 401 00:23:28,965 --> 00:23:30,626 I... 402 00:23:32,102 --> 00:23:34,161 Thanks. 403 00:23:34,237 --> 00:23:36,102 You're welcome. 404 00:23:36,172 --> 00:23:37,605 Good night, Santa. 405 00:23:39,342 --> 00:23:42,505 Good night, Mrs. Santa's sister. 406 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,145 Good night, sweetie. 407 00:23:47,617 --> 00:23:49,551 Oh, my God. 408 00:23:49,619 --> 00:23:51,052 That was so sweet. 409 00:23:51,121 --> 00:23:54,090 He's a really sweet kid, isn't he? 410 00:23:54,157 --> 00:23:56,318 Yeah, I guess so. 411 00:23:59,129 --> 00:24:01,063 Come on, baby. 412 00:24:01,798 --> 00:24:03,356 Come here. 413 00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:06,224 What? 414 00:24:06,303 --> 00:24:08,498 Oh, nothing. I'm all right. 415 00:24:12,342 --> 00:24:14,401 Just a little tired. 416 00:24:14,477 --> 00:24:16,308 Oh. 417 00:24:26,189 --> 00:24:27,383 Santa! 418 00:24:27,457 --> 00:24:29,652 God damn it! Whoa! Shit! 419 00:24:29,726 --> 00:24:31,956 Want to see my report card? 420 00:24:32,028 --> 00:24:33,859 You scared the holy shit out of me. 421 00:24:33,930 --> 00:24:35,192 Think I did good? 422 00:24:35,265 --> 00:24:38,325 How would I know? I haven't seen the fuckin' thing yet. 423 00:24:43,306 --> 00:24:44,773 Who the fuck is Thurman? 424 00:24:44,841 --> 00:24:47,503 -Is your name Thurman? -Yeah. 425 00:24:49,379 --> 00:24:50,744 Thurman Merman? 426 00:24:50,814 --> 00:24:52,372 Yeah. 427 00:24:54,017 --> 00:24:55,575 Jesus. 428 00:24:55,652 --> 00:24:57,415 So, you think I did good? 429 00:25:00,123 --> 00:25:03,559 What do you care what I think, anyway? 430 00:25:03,626 --> 00:25:05,753 Hell, I guess you did better than I did. 431 00:25:05,829 --> 00:25:08,195 I never got any B's. 432 00:25:08,264 --> 00:25:10,789 I thought maybe at least since I did good in school, 433 00:25:10,867 --> 00:25:12,425 maybe you'd bring me a present. 434 00:25:12,502 --> 00:25:14,367 'Cause last year and the year before that, 435 00:25:14,437 --> 00:25:16,564 you didn't bring me any presents. 436 00:25:19,642 --> 00:25:21,974 Even though I'm a dipshit loser. 437 00:25:26,216 --> 00:25:28,377 Jesus fucking Christ, kid! 438 00:25:28,451 --> 00:25:31,511 Why do you talk about yourself that way?! 439 00:25:31,588 --> 00:25:34,751 Let me give you some news. I'm not Santa Claus, all right? 440 00:25:34,824 --> 00:25:37,315 Take a look at me. Do I look like Santa Claus? 441 00:25:37,394 --> 00:25:39,862 As a matter of fact, I'm living fucking proof 442 00:25:39,929 --> 00:25:42,159 that there's not a Santa Claus. 443 00:25:42,899 --> 00:25:45,060 I know there's no Santa. 444 00:25:45,135 --> 00:25:47,569 I just thought maybe you'd want to give me a present 445 00:25:47,637 --> 00:25:49,332 'cause we're friends. 446 00:26:14,230 --> 00:26:15,492 There he is. 447 00:26:15,565 --> 00:26:19,365 That lousy, leather-faced, frog-eyed, motherfucker. 448 00:26:19,436 --> 00:26:21,734 -Good night, Gin. -Good night. 449 00:26:53,837 --> 00:26:55,862 Jesus, Mother Mary, and Joseph. 450 00:26:55,939 --> 00:26:57,236 What is the problem now? 451 00:26:57,307 --> 00:26:59,002 I'm sorry. The van stalled. 452 00:27:00,210 --> 00:27:02,371 Will you give us a jump, please? 453 00:27:02,445 --> 00:27:04,345 I'll be dipped in dog shit. 454 00:27:04,414 --> 00:27:06,473 Do I look like an auto mechanic to you? 455 00:27:13,756 --> 00:27:15,724 I appreciate it. 456 00:27:18,328 --> 00:27:20,956 All right, small fry, help yourself. 457 00:27:25,568 --> 00:27:26,660 I can't reach it. 458 00:27:26,736 --> 00:27:28,397 Jesus Christ, give me that. 459 00:27:28,471 --> 00:27:29,665 Thanks. 460 00:27:32,075 --> 00:27:33,042 All right, hit it. 461 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,866 Oh, my. What a terrible accident. 462 00:28:06,943 --> 00:28:08,069 Mm-mm-mmm. 463 00:28:08,144 --> 00:28:09,509 -Is he dead? -No. 464 00:28:09,579 --> 00:28:11,945 But it looks like you broke most of his ribs. 465 00:28:12,015 --> 00:28:16,645 I'd say maybe 50% of them, or do you think 30%? 466 00:28:16,719 --> 00:28:18,448 I needed more of a running start. 467 00:28:18,521 --> 00:28:20,785 I couldn't build up enough speed. 468 00:28:36,839 --> 00:28:39,069 Merry Christmas Eve. 469 00:28:39,943 --> 00:28:42,639 Got you a little something. 470 00:28:42,712 --> 00:28:44,577 You shouldn't have. 471 00:28:44,647 --> 00:28:46,945 You should put that stuff in the kitchen. 472 00:28:49,719 --> 00:28:52,017 God damn, you look good. 473 00:28:56,659 --> 00:28:59,355 Here you go. 474 00:29:00,763 --> 00:29:04,255 Little behind there, sweetie? 475 00:29:04,334 --> 00:29:06,632 We don't need any more of this shit. 476 00:29:06,703 --> 00:29:10,730 "Christmas keeps us connected to each other in peace. 477 00:29:10,807 --> 00:29:14,504 The angel is going to tell everyone in the world." 478 00:29:19,082 --> 00:29:20,310 Aspirin? 479 00:29:20,383 --> 00:29:22,613 As in olden days 480 00:29:22,685 --> 00:29:28,419 Happy golden days of yore 481 00:29:28,491 --> 00:29:32,621 Faithful friends who are dear to us 482 00:29:32,695 --> 00:29:38,725 Gather near to us once more 483 00:29:38,801 --> 00:29:44,034 Through the years, we all will be together 484 00:29:44,107 --> 00:29:48,567 If the fates allow 485 00:29:48,645 --> 00:29:57,485 Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow 486 00:29:57,553 --> 00:30:05,892 So have yourself a merry little Christmas now 487 00:30:08,698 --> 00:30:14,330 Through the years, we all will be together 488 00:30:14,404 --> 00:30:18,704 If the fates allow 489 00:30:18,775 --> 00:30:27,205 Hang a shining star upon the highest bough 490 00:30:27,283 --> 00:30:30,844 And have yourself 491 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:38,759 A merry little Christmas 492 00:30:38,828 --> 00:30:43,231 Now 493 00:30:47,370 --> 00:30:48,769 Shit! 494 00:30:48,838 --> 00:30:50,465 Jesus. 495 00:30:53,009 --> 00:30:54,067 Santa? 496 00:30:56,112 --> 00:30:58,808 -What? -I was gonna make sandwiches. 497 00:30:58,881 --> 00:31:01,509 I could make you one before you leave. 498 00:31:03,886 --> 00:31:05,820 Listen, kid, I don't know. 499 00:31:05,888 --> 00:31:08,982 I got shit to do and everything. 500 00:31:13,930 --> 00:31:16,057 Okay, make me some sandwiches. 501 00:31:16,132 --> 00:31:18,259 I gotta go to the mall and talk to somebody. 502 00:31:18,334 --> 00:31:19,392 I'll be back. 503 00:31:19,469 --> 00:31:20,265 For dinner? 504 00:31:20,336 --> 00:31:22,167 Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah. 505 00:31:22,238 --> 00:31:24,331 How many sandwiches do you want? 506 00:31:25,241 --> 00:31:27,436 Uh, a bunch. 507 00:31:27,510 --> 00:31:29,569 How much lettuce do you want? 508 00:31:32,215 --> 00:31:34,012 I don't know. The usual amount. 509 00:31:34,083 --> 00:31:36,176 Whatever the hell people do. Whatever you think. 510 00:31:36,252 --> 00:31:37,583 Okay. 511 00:31:55,972 --> 00:31:56,768 Have a very merry Christmas. 512 00:31:56,806 --> 00:31:58,535 -Merry Christmas. -Good night. 513 00:31:58,608 --> 00:31:59,939 Merry Christmas. 514 00:32:00,009 --> 00:32:01,135 Good night. 515 00:32:01,210 --> 00:32:02,802 -Good night. -Okay! Happy holiday! 516 00:32:02,879 --> 00:32:04,346 Attention, shoppers. 517 00:32:04,413 --> 00:32:06,745 The store will be closing in five minutes. 518 00:32:06,816 --> 00:32:08,545 We wish you all a merry Christmas, 519 00:32:08,618 --> 00:32:11,849 a happy Hanukkah, and a joyous Kwanzaa. 520 00:32:27,570 --> 00:32:30,505 All right, hold it steady. 521 00:32:34,110 --> 00:32:37,079 Oh, yeah, shit, let's do it. 522 00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:39,445 Oh, Christ. 523 00:32:44,587 --> 00:32:45,576 Merry Christmas. 524 00:32:47,123 --> 00:32:48,522 Good night. 525 00:32:49,792 --> 00:32:51,851 Merry Christmas, Willie. 526 00:32:51,928 --> 00:32:53,555 Up your ass. 527 00:33:20,389 --> 00:33:22,118 Aaaah! 528 00:33:25,094 --> 00:33:26,493 Whoa! 529 00:33:52,922 --> 00:33:54,355 Oh, shit. 530 00:33:55,625 --> 00:33:56,683 What? 531 00:34:00,796 --> 00:34:02,093 What? 532 00:34:02,164 --> 00:34:04,257 It's a Kitnerboy Redoubt. 533 00:34:04,333 --> 00:34:05,027 So? 534 00:34:05,101 --> 00:34:06,329 Remember Andy Pitz? 535 00:34:06,402 --> 00:34:07,699 Andy Pitzorella? Yeah. 536 00:34:07,770 --> 00:34:08,930 No, Andy Ripitski. 537 00:34:09,005 --> 00:34:10,870 Andy Pitzorella was Andy Blue Balls. 538 00:34:10,940 --> 00:34:13,170 Since he got married, they call him Andy Pitzorella. 539 00:34:13,242 --> 00:34:15,005 What's your fucking point?! 540 00:34:15,077 --> 00:34:16,772 They say he can get into anything. 541 00:34:16,846 --> 00:34:18,780 Anything. 542 00:34:18,848 --> 00:34:21,146 They say he's been in Margaret Thatcher's pussy. 543 00:34:21,217 --> 00:34:22,582 And that's a good thing? 544 00:34:22,652 --> 00:34:24,313 So what the fuck are you getting at? 545 00:34:24,387 --> 00:34:25,877 When I was in the joint with him, 546 00:34:25,955 --> 00:34:29,618 he told me that the Kitnerboy Redoubt can't be cracked. 547 00:34:29,692 --> 00:34:32,525 Are you shittin' me? 548 00:34:32,595 --> 00:34:35,086 Are you telling me that after I propped you up, 549 00:34:35,164 --> 00:34:37,860 held you together, smiled for all those kids, 550 00:34:37,934 --> 00:34:40,129 danced for all those fucking housewives 551 00:34:40,202 --> 00:34:43,433 in a fucking lime-green, fucking velvet elf costume, 552 00:34:43,506 --> 00:34:45,633 that you cannot get in this fucking safe?! 553 00:34:45,708 --> 00:34:48,404 Is that what you're telling me?! Huh?! 554 00:34:48,477 --> 00:34:52,243 No, I'm just saying it's gonna take a minute. 555 00:35:15,638 --> 00:35:17,230 Fuck. 556 00:35:27,550 --> 00:35:28,574 Shit. 557 00:35:28,651 --> 00:35:30,346 34C. 558 00:36:14,964 --> 00:36:16,124 Fuck! 559 00:36:49,165 --> 00:36:50,826 Piece of cake. 560 00:36:52,501 --> 00:36:55,231 I gotta get one more thing. I'll be right back. 561 00:37:18,461 --> 00:37:20,793 Oh, shit. Which one did he say? 562 00:37:39,415 --> 00:37:42,213 I'll bet the store dick don't want this. 563 00:37:42,284 --> 00:37:44,650 Store dick don't want shit. 564 00:37:47,156 --> 00:37:49,124 What do you mean? 565 00:37:49,191 --> 00:37:51,056 Store dick's dead. 566 00:37:51,127 --> 00:37:53,595 Store dick don't want shit. 567 00:37:54,930 --> 00:37:56,761 He's dead, huh? 568 00:37:59,201 --> 00:38:01,465 I didn't even know he was sick. 569 00:38:01,537 --> 00:38:03,061 Willie... 570 00:38:03,139 --> 00:38:05,607 this has been a long time coming. 571 00:38:05,674 --> 00:38:09,610 Every year, you're worse. Every year, less reliable. 572 00:38:09,678 --> 00:38:12,078 More booze. More bullshit. 573 00:38:12,148 --> 00:38:13,615 More buttfucking. 574 00:38:13,682 --> 00:38:17,015 Sure, the three B's. 575 00:38:17,086 --> 00:38:19,680 You gotta be able to rely, Willie. 576 00:38:22,358 --> 00:38:24,849 You people are monsters. 577 00:38:24,927 --> 00:38:27,259 There's no joy in this for me. 578 00:38:30,766 --> 00:38:32,961 I'm not talking about you taking me out. 579 00:38:33,035 --> 00:38:34,935 That part, I get. 580 00:38:38,574 --> 00:38:40,405 But look at all that shit. 581 00:38:42,778 --> 00:38:45,747 Do you really need all that shit? 582 00:38:47,416 --> 00:38:49,543 For Christ sakes, it's Christmas. 583 00:38:49,618 --> 00:38:51,279 It is Christmas, Willie. 584 00:38:51,353 --> 00:38:52,911 But this is what we do. 585 00:38:52,988 --> 00:38:55,218 We get the shit. 586 00:38:55,291 --> 00:38:58,419 Christmastime, we get the shit. 587 00:38:58,494 --> 00:39:01,657 Because we are men and Lois. 588 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:05,827 It is Christmas, Willie. 589 00:39:05,901 --> 00:39:07,960 And we are men and Lois. 590 00:39:09,471 --> 00:39:11,302 What you waiting for, honey? 591 00:39:11,373 --> 00:39:14,342 Come on, plug him. 592 00:39:18,247 --> 00:39:20,147 Goodbye, Willie. 593 00:39:22,484 --> 00:39:24,008 -Drop the gun. -Huh?! 594 00:39:25,321 --> 00:39:27,346 And you, Santa, drop the elephant. 595 00:39:27,423 --> 00:39:29,323 -Where did you come from? -Tipped off. 596 00:39:29,391 --> 00:39:31,086 Shit, that fucking kid. 597 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,958 All three of you are in so much shit, it's almost unbelievable. 598 00:39:35,397 --> 00:39:37,262 Marcus, hop on! 599 00:39:57,486 --> 00:39:59,579 Fuck me. 600 00:40:33,822 --> 00:40:34,982 Hey, hey! 601 00:40:56,178 --> 00:40:59,636 This is Christmas, and the kid's getting his fucking present. 602 00:41:23,539 --> 00:41:26,235 Halt, police! Put your hands up! 603 00:41:26,308 --> 00:41:28,902 I said freeze! Freeze! 604 00:41:35,484 --> 00:41:39,284 -Aaaah! -Aaaah! 605 00:42:22,564 --> 00:42:24,498 "Dear kid... 606 00:42:24,566 --> 00:42:26,295 I hope that you got my present 607 00:42:26,368 --> 00:42:28,666 and that there wasn't too much blood on it, 608 00:42:28,737 --> 00:42:31,137 although there was blood on the present you gave me, 609 00:42:31,206 --> 00:42:32,969 which didn't keep me from enjoying it. 610 00:42:33,041 --> 00:42:36,101 So maybe the blood doesn't matter so much, I guess. " 611 00:42:38,347 --> 00:42:41,441 "Anyway, just in case they took it as evidence, 612 00:42:41,517 --> 00:42:43,849 I'm also sending you a T-shirt. 613 00:42:43,919 --> 00:42:46,410 I hope it's the right size. " 614 00:42:47,055 --> 00:42:48,454 "I'm healing up good, 615 00:42:48,524 --> 00:42:51,288 and they tell me that I will soon be 100%, 616 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:53,225 even with 8 bullets dug out of me, 617 00:42:53,295 --> 00:42:55,320 because they didn't hit any vital organs, 618 00:42:55,397 --> 00:42:58,059 just my liver, which is fucked anyway. 619 00:42:58,133 --> 00:42:59,794 Ha ha ha. 620 00:42:59,868 --> 00:43:02,063 Thank you for giving that letter to the cops. 621 00:43:02,137 --> 00:43:04,901 I forgot I asked you to do it, but it's a good thing you did 622 00:43:04,973 --> 00:43:07,407 or Santa's little helper would've plugged his ass. 623 00:43:07,476 --> 00:43:08,773 Now the cops know I wrote it, 624 00:43:08,844 --> 00:43:10,812 which is gonna keep my ass out of jail. 625 00:43:10,879 --> 00:43:12,369 That, plus everyone agreeing 626 00:43:12,448 --> 00:43:14,973 that the Phoenix police shooting an unarmed Santa 627 00:43:15,050 --> 00:43:17,610 was even more fucked up than Rodney King. " 628 00:43:18,620 --> 00:43:20,918 "The cops are treating me like fucking royalty now, 629 00:43:20,989 --> 00:43:22,547 which is new in my experience. 630 00:43:22,624 --> 00:43:24,615 They're gonna make me a sensitivity counselor 631 00:43:24,693 --> 00:43:26,058 so that tragedies like this 632 00:43:26,128 --> 00:43:28,995 will never again embarrass the whole fucking department. 633 00:43:29,064 --> 00:43:32,090 I told the cops you had no one to take the fuck care of you, 634 00:43:32,167 --> 00:43:34,362 so they set it up with Mrs. Santa's sister 635 00:43:34,436 --> 00:43:35,926 watching you till your dad gets back 636 00:43:36,004 --> 00:43:37,437 in one year and three months. 637 00:43:37,506 --> 00:43:40,441 They made her a guardian pro tem or some such shit. 638 00:43:40,509 --> 00:43:43,740 Anyway, she seems to like you and your house and Jacuzzi. 639 00:43:43,812 --> 00:43:45,040 I sent her some money, 640 00:43:45,113 --> 00:43:46,512 so if you play your cards right, 641 00:43:46,582 --> 00:43:49,745 you can probably get her to buy you something. 642 00:43:49,818 --> 00:43:52,252 As for my little helper, I'm sorry to have to tell you 643 00:43:52,321 --> 00:43:54,516 that him and his prune-faced, mail-order wife 644 00:43:54,590 --> 00:43:56,854 are gonna be exploring mountains with your dad. 645 00:43:56,925 --> 00:43:59,223 I hope your dad doesn't go sucking shit from them 646 00:43:59,294 --> 00:44:00,522 like I did. 647 00:44:00,596 --> 00:44:03,360 They're supposed to let me out of this hospital room soon, 648 00:44:03,432 --> 00:44:05,525 so get some sandwiches ready. 649 00:44:05,601 --> 00:44:08,695 Until then, don't take no shit from nobody, 650 00:44:08,770 --> 00:44:10,362 least of all yourself. 651 00:44:10,439 --> 00:44:12,498 Ho ho ho. 652 00:44:12,574 --> 00:44:15,338 Your pal, Santa. " 653 00:44:18,313 --> 00:44:19,439 Hey, loser. 654 00:44:21,116 --> 00:44:24,483 I hear your buddy's not here to protect you anymore. 655 00:44:26,154 --> 00:44:28,384 See you got me a new bike. 656 00:44:28,457 --> 00:44:30,220 Thanks a lot. 657 00:44:30,893 --> 00:44:32,622 I'm talking to you, fat-ass! 658 00:44:32,694 --> 00:44:34,423 Aaah! 659 00:44:59,260 --> 00:45:04,120 Subtitles by Phaeton