1 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:23,864 "It's that time Christmas time is here 2 00:00:24,905 --> 00:00:29,536 "Everybody knows There's not a better time of year 3 00:00:30,545 --> 00:00:32,536 "Hear that sleigh." 4 00:00:53,169 --> 00:00:57,833 "Gonna make this holiday As perfect as can be 5 00:00:58,742 --> 00:01:02,075 "Just wait and see This Christmas vacation. 6 00:01:04,515 --> 00:01:09,179 "This old house Sure is looking good 7 00:01:10,087 --> 00:01:14,582 "Got ourselves the finest snowman In the neighborhood. 8 00:01:16,094 --> 00:01:17,527 "Ain't it fun? 9 00:01:18,530 --> 00:01:22,523 "Always on the run That's how it's done 10 00:01:22,767 --> 00:01:25,099 "On Christmas vacation. 11 00:01:26,971 --> 00:01:28,768 "Let's all deck the halls 12 00:01:29,041 --> 00:01:30,872 "And light the lights 13 00:01:32,611 --> 00:01:34,272 "Get a toasty fire 14 00:01:34,713 --> 00:01:36,544 "Burning bright. 15 00:01:38,217 --> 00:01:39,980 "Give Saint Nick 16 00:01:40,219 --> 00:01:43,120 "The warmest welcome That he's ever had 17 00:01:43,889 --> 00:01:47,291 "We're so glad it's Christmas vacation. 18 00:01:49,896 --> 00:01:51,557 "And when the nights 19 00:01:52,132 --> 00:01:54,498 "Are peaceful and serene 20 00:01:56,136 --> 00:02:00,801 "We can cuddle up And do our Christmas dreamin'. 21 00:02:03,744 --> 00:02:05,541 "Peace and joy and love 22 00:02:05,613 --> 00:02:07,444 "Are everywhere 23 00:02:09,317 --> 00:02:12,081 "You can feel the magic in the air. 24 00:02:14,922 --> 00:02:19,223 "Let the spirit of the season Carry us away 25 00:02:20,996 --> 00:02:23,658 "Hip, hip, hooray For Christmas vacation." 26 00:03:14,119 --> 00:03:15,643 That was beautiful, honey. 27 00:03:30,303 --> 00:03:31,395 Take it, Russ. 28 00:03:34,575 --> 00:03:37,100 Dad, can you explain again what we're doing? 29 00:03:37,544 --> 00:03:40,911 We're kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas... 30 00:03:41,181 --> 00:03:44,446 ...by heading out to the country in the front-wheel drive sleigh... 31 00:03:44,518 --> 00:03:47,578 ...to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape... 32 00:03:47,921 --> 00:03:50,755 ...and select that most important of Christmas symbols. 33 00:03:50,992 --> 00:03:54,553 We're not driving way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties... 34 00:03:54,629 --> 00:03:56,859 ...with the Santa Clauses on it, are we, Dad? 35 00:03:57,165 --> 00:03:59,065 No, I have one of those at home. 36 00:03:59,601 --> 00:04:03,264 What we're looking for today is the Griswold family Christmas tree. 37 00:04:13,549 --> 00:04:16,143 - What's the matter? - Some jackass is riding my tail. 38 00:04:19,456 --> 00:04:21,356 Slow down and let him pass. 39 00:04:34,904 --> 00:04:36,395 Don't provoke them. 40 00:04:37,341 --> 00:04:38,968 Hey, kids. Look, a deer! 41 00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:01,330 Clark! Slow down! 42 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,525 You want to ride behind somebody like that? 43 00:05:04,803 --> 00:05:08,501 I'm going to pull around them... burn some dust, here. 44 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,407 Eat my rubber. 45 00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:15,012 Dad, I think what you mean is, "Burn rubber" and "Eat my dust." 46 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,339 Whatever, Russ. 47 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,016 Eat my road grit, liver lips! 48 00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:30,595 That's enough of that. 49 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:37,901 Speaking of Christmas trees, can one of you tell me... 50 00:05:37,972 --> 00:05:40,998 ...what the first kind of tree displayed at the White House was? 51 00:05:41,076 --> 00:05:42,065 They're back. 52 00:05:47,482 --> 00:05:50,383 Stop it! I don't want to spend the holidays dead. 53 00:05:51,252 --> 00:05:53,778 Honey, please. I'll do the driving, okay? 54 00:05:54,390 --> 00:05:55,914 Will you just take it easy? 55 00:05:56,292 --> 00:05:58,055 I'm in complete control. 56 00:05:59,562 --> 00:06:01,393 I'll get around this egg timer. 57 00:06:05,601 --> 00:06:07,159 Uh... Dad?! 58 00:06:18,014 --> 00:06:19,982 We're all right! Thank God! 59 00:06:20,183 --> 00:06:22,344 Clark, we're stuck under a truck! 60 00:06:22,552 --> 00:06:24,418 Do you honestly think I don't know that?! 61 00:06:24,489 --> 00:06:26,320 Come on, you guys. Don't fight. 62 00:06:26,457 --> 00:06:28,789 For Christ's sake, I didn't do this on purpose. 63 00:06:32,096 --> 00:06:34,291 Our Father, who art in heaven... 64 00:06:34,599 --> 00:06:38,035 ...hallowed be Thy name. And forgive my husband. 65 00:06:38,369 --> 00:06:41,100 - He knows not what he does. - Amen! 66 00:06:59,225 --> 00:07:00,954 We made pretty good time. 67 00:07:07,934 --> 00:07:10,802 Dad, didn't they invent Christmas tree lots... 68 00:07:10,905 --> 00:07:15,035 ...so people don't have to drive way out to nowhere and waste a Saturday? 69 00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:16,374 They invented 'em... 70 00:07:16,444 --> 00:07:19,880 ...because people forgot how to have a fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. 71 00:07:19,947 --> 00:07:24,077 They're satisfied with scrawny, dead, overpriced trees with no special meaning. 72 00:07:24,151 --> 00:07:25,083 My toes are numb. 73 00:07:25,152 --> 00:07:27,178 This is what our forefathers did. 74 00:07:27,389 --> 00:07:29,254 I can't feel my leg. 75 00:07:29,424 --> 00:07:31,858 They walked out into the woods, picked out that special tree... 76 00:07:31,927 --> 00:07:33,360 ...and they cut it down with their bare hands. 77 00:07:33,428 --> 00:07:35,328 Mom, I can't feel my hips. 78 00:07:35,897 --> 00:07:36,921 - Clark? - Yes, honey? 79 00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:39,499 Audrey's frozen from the waist down. 80 00:07:39,568 --> 00:07:41,696 That's all part of the experience, honey. 81 00:07:43,906 --> 00:07:44,770 There it is. 82 00:08:04,094 --> 00:08:06,119 The Griswold family Christmas tree. 83 00:08:12,704 --> 00:08:14,137 Isn't it a little big? 84 00:08:14,806 --> 00:08:17,138 It's not big, it's just full. 85 00:08:17,742 --> 00:08:19,903 That thing wouldn't fit in our yard. 86 00:08:20,879 --> 00:08:24,406 It's not going in our yard, Russ. It's going in our living room. 87 00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:32,049 - Look at it. - It really is beautiful, Clark. 88 00:08:32,892 --> 00:08:35,224 - It's something else, huh, Russ? - Yeah, Dad. 89 00:08:35,461 --> 00:08:36,655 Isn't it a beaut, Audrey? 90 00:08:36,795 --> 00:08:38,285 She'll see it later, honey. 91 00:08:38,697 --> 00:08:39,925 Her eyes are frozen. 92 00:08:40,966 --> 00:08:43,834 The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in... 93 00:08:43,904 --> 00:08:46,600 ...the warm embrace of kith and kin. 94 00:08:48,041 --> 00:08:51,602 This tree is a symbol of the spirit of the Griswold family Christmas. 95 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:55,604 Did you bring a saw? 96 00:09:40,697 --> 00:09:44,463 Looks like the toad overestimated the height of his ceiling. 97 00:09:56,146 --> 00:09:57,272 Hey, Griswold! 98 00:09:58,082 --> 00:10:00,016 Where will you put a tree that big? 99 00:10:01,853 --> 00:10:03,582 Bend over and I'll show you. 100 00:10:04,856 --> 00:10:07,154 You got a lot of nerve talking to me like that. 101 00:10:07,258 --> 00:10:08,953 I wasn't talking to you. 102 00:10:26,078 --> 00:10:28,546 Do you think there's enough room for the angel? 103 00:10:28,814 --> 00:10:33,013 Sure, honey. I have a little more trimming to do, but that won't be a problem. 104 00:10:33,286 --> 00:10:34,116 Ready? 105 00:10:34,788 --> 00:10:37,689 I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree. 106 00:10:45,966 --> 00:10:47,867 There's a lot of sap in here. 107 00:10:50,204 --> 00:10:52,672 It looks great. A little full. A lot of sap. 108 00:11:15,164 --> 00:11:17,394 Did I tell you I talked to my mother today? 109 00:11:18,835 --> 00:11:21,565 They've decided they're coming for Christmas, too. 110 00:11:22,672 --> 00:11:24,196 It's not too late to change our plans... 111 00:11:24,274 --> 00:11:25,866 No, no, that's great. 112 00:11:28,211 --> 00:11:30,270 I think you're forgetting how difficult it's gonna be... 113 00:11:30,346 --> 00:11:32,780 ...having everybody in the house at the same time. 114 00:11:33,016 --> 00:11:35,611 They're family, not strangers off the street. 115 00:11:35,886 --> 00:11:37,513 All they do is argue. 116 00:11:38,756 --> 00:11:40,724 Christmas is about resolving differences... 117 00:11:40,791 --> 00:11:43,555 ...and seeing through the petty problems of family life. 118 00:11:43,627 --> 00:11:47,620 And it's about my mother accusing your mother of buying cheap hot dogs. 119 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:52,293 And your mother accusing my mother of waxing her upper lip, and... 120 00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:55,165 ...then they don't speak to... - Your mother waxes her upper lip? 121 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:56,901 She has for years. 122 00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:58,740 It doesn't show. 123 00:11:59,711 --> 00:12:02,771 I don't know, Sparky, I just have this feeling it's not... 124 00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:05,147 I want to have Christmas here, in our house. 125 00:12:05,752 --> 00:12:07,014 It means a lot to me. 126 00:12:07,386 --> 00:12:10,549 All my life I've wanted to have a big family Christmas. 127 00:12:14,193 --> 00:12:17,651 It's just that you build things up in your mind, Sparky. 128 00:12:19,298 --> 00:12:22,962 You set standards no family event can ever live up to. 129 00:12:24,271 --> 00:12:25,761 When have I ever done that? 130 00:12:29,443 --> 00:12:30,467 Parties. 131 00:12:31,578 --> 00:12:32,670 Weddings. 132 00:12:33,614 --> 00:12:35,446 - Good night, honey. - Anniversaries. 133 00:12:36,084 --> 00:12:37,176 Funerals. 134 00:12:38,653 --> 00:12:39,677 Holidays. 135 00:12:39,988 --> 00:12:41,319 Vacations. 136 00:12:41,689 --> 00:12:42,986 Graduations. 137 00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:09,147 Guess you'll be lookin' at a nice fat Christmas bonus this year, huh? 138 00:13:09,219 --> 00:13:11,050 Word is you're an excellent choice to be named... 139 00:13:11,121 --> 00:13:12,918 ...Food Additive Designer of the Year. 140 00:13:12,989 --> 00:13:15,184 - Nah... - I'm not kidding. 141 00:13:15,592 --> 00:13:17,992 What's that new thing you got over there at Food 'N' Dry? 142 00:13:18,061 --> 00:13:21,792 The crunch enhancer? That's a non-nutritive cereal varnish. 143 00:13:21,865 --> 00:13:23,458 It's semi-permeable. It's not osmotic. 144 00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:25,263 What it does is, it coats and seals the flake. 145 00:13:25,336 --> 00:13:26,735 It prevents the milk from penetrating it. 146 00:13:26,804 --> 00:13:29,068 Yeah, it's a beautiful product. 147 00:13:29,273 --> 00:13:30,001 I like it. 148 00:13:30,107 --> 00:13:32,575 What are you gonna do with that big bonus check? 149 00:13:32,677 --> 00:13:34,008 You're gonna blow it on yourself, I hope. 150 00:13:34,078 --> 00:13:35,375 Me? Heck, no. 151 00:13:36,414 --> 00:13:37,905 Take a look at this. 152 00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:45,051 I just hope my Christmas bonus check will cover it. 153 00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:47,785 Oh, my God. You're putting in a pool. 154 00:13:57,637 --> 00:14:00,936 I went ahead and I put a $7,500 deposit down on it. 155 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,199 You're the last true family man. 156 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:05,739 Mark. 157 00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:07,845 Clark. 158 00:14:09,750 --> 00:14:10,739 That's Bill, sir. 159 00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:14,348 Are you the one who's working on that non-nutritive cereal varnish? 160 00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:15,285 Yes, sir. 161 00:14:15,456 --> 00:14:18,687 I've got to give a speech to a trade group. I'd like to mention it. 162 00:14:18,759 --> 00:14:21,922 Write up a brief summary and have it to me by the end of the day. 163 00:14:21,996 --> 00:14:23,020 My pleasure. 164 00:14:23,264 --> 00:14:27,429 Layman's terms. None of that inside, bullshit jargon that nobody understands. 165 00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:29,097 Yes, sir. 166 00:14:32,407 --> 00:14:33,965 Oh, Mr. Shirley... 167 00:14:34,342 --> 00:14:36,276 We got your Christmas card the other day, and... 168 00:14:36,344 --> 00:14:39,610 ...my family and I are very flattered that you remembered us. 169 00:14:40,216 --> 00:14:41,342 Corporate cards. 170 00:14:45,922 --> 00:14:47,480 Don't forget that report, Bill. 171 00:14:47,556 --> 00:14:49,080 Yes, sir. Merry Christmas. 172 00:14:51,294 --> 00:14:54,889 Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. 173 00:14:55,265 --> 00:14:56,493 Happy Hanukkah. 174 00:15:22,593 --> 00:15:24,356 Can I show you something? 175 00:15:31,503 --> 00:15:34,165 I was just smelling... smiling. 176 00:15:35,474 --> 00:15:36,964 I was blouse... browsing. 177 00:15:38,243 --> 00:15:40,234 For your wife or girlfriend? 178 00:15:42,248 --> 00:15:44,011 What? What happened? 179 00:15:50,623 --> 00:15:52,557 I guess it wouldn't be any... 180 00:15:54,027 --> 00:15:55,551 It wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season... 181 00:15:55,628 --> 00:15:59,224 ...if the stores were any less hooter than they... Hotter than they are. 182 00:16:00,267 --> 00:16:01,427 It is warm in here. 183 00:16:01,535 --> 00:16:03,696 - When you have your coat on. - Do I? 184 00:16:03,871 --> 00:16:06,066 - How did that happen? - Because it's cold out. 185 00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:08,233 Yes. Yes. 186 00:16:08,309 --> 00:16:11,142 It is. It's a bit nipply out. I mean, nippy out. 187 00:16:11,712 --> 00:16:13,442 What am I saying? Nipple? 188 00:16:14,282 --> 00:16:16,443 There is a nip in the air, though. 189 00:16:16,551 --> 00:16:18,644 Can I take something out for you? 190 00:16:27,796 --> 00:16:29,492 I was just, uh... 191 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,800 I was looking at something for my wife. 192 00:16:33,069 --> 00:16:34,468 God rest her soul. 193 00:16:34,670 --> 00:16:36,262 Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 194 00:16:36,406 --> 00:16:39,739 Oh, no, no, she's not dead, yet. We're just divorced. 195 00:16:40,510 --> 00:16:41,807 She's history. 196 00:16:41,878 --> 00:16:43,676 Obviously, she doesn't wear underwear... 197 00:16:43,747 --> 00:16:48,116 ...there are plenty of shopping days left until adultery... adulthood. 198 00:16:48,252 --> 00:16:51,688 Which is to say, Christmas, as in Yule. Yule log. 199 00:16:52,022 --> 00:16:55,014 Not a log. I don't have a log, but I mean, you know... 200 00:16:55,092 --> 00:16:58,391 ...if I had a log. Not in the sense you think I said I did. 201 00:17:00,198 --> 00:17:01,324 Good golly. 202 00:17:02,267 --> 00:17:04,098 'Tis the season to be merry. 203 00:17:04,335 --> 00:17:05,563 Well, that's my name. 204 00:17:05,637 --> 00:17:06,797 No shit. 205 00:17:22,855 --> 00:17:25,050 These are cut really high on the hip. 206 00:17:25,124 --> 00:17:28,685 Look, I'm wearing something similar. See? You can't see the line. 207 00:17:28,861 --> 00:17:31,888 - You can't see the line, can you, Russ? - No. 208 00:17:39,239 --> 00:17:43,403 Look, Daddy, teacher says every time a bell rings... 209 00:17:43,643 --> 00:17:45,805 ...an angel gets his wings. 210 00:18:19,449 --> 00:18:20,711 Folks! 211 00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:22,511 Merry Christmas. 212 00:18:32,763 --> 00:18:34,594 Look how big you've gotten. 213 00:18:35,032 --> 00:18:36,693 Merry Christmas. 214 00:18:37,034 --> 00:18:38,365 Mom. 215 00:18:38,869 --> 00:18:40,359 Knock on the door. 216 00:18:43,641 --> 00:18:45,233 Doesn't Nora look old? 217 00:18:45,376 --> 00:18:46,866 You promised, you promised... 218 00:18:46,944 --> 00:18:49,072 They took a pint of fluid out of my lower back. 219 00:18:49,147 --> 00:18:52,480 You see this mole? This mole on my neck? You think it's changing color? 220 00:18:52,551 --> 00:18:54,985 No. You keep touching it. It's getting redder. 221 00:18:55,053 --> 00:18:56,418 I got hemorrhoids. 222 00:18:56,588 --> 00:18:57,486 Could you believe that? 223 00:18:57,556 --> 00:18:59,353 - Oh, Mother. - Isn't that terrible? 224 00:18:59,558 --> 00:19:02,083 - You're not getting the space... - After what you did to my car? 225 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,322 I'm doing the parking. Come and help me with the... 226 00:19:04,397 --> 00:19:07,525 Mom, they're not sleeping in my room. I'm gonna go crazy... 227 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:11,001 Sweetheart, your grandma Nora's got a real painful burr on her heel. 228 00:19:11,070 --> 00:19:13,470 If you rub it for me, I'll give you a quarter. 229 00:19:13,573 --> 00:19:16,406 - A quarter. - And I'll give Audrey a quarter, too. 230 00:19:16,475 --> 00:19:19,104 I'm going to put my car in the garage! 231 00:19:19,179 --> 00:19:21,079 I'll park the cars. 232 00:19:22,482 --> 00:19:24,848 This is what Christmas is all about. 233 00:19:25,652 --> 00:19:29,645 I'll park the cars and check the luggage, and... 234 00:19:30,090 --> 00:19:32,422 I'll be outside for the season. 235 00:19:36,097 --> 00:19:38,622 We'll have the best-looking house in town. 236 00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:40,531 I've always wanted to do this. 237 00:19:40,602 --> 00:19:42,331 That's a lot of lights, Dad. 238 00:19:42,403 --> 00:19:45,338 I'm sure it's a lot of work, but if I'm out in the cold... 239 00:19:45,406 --> 00:19:47,636 ...and I'm committed to decorating the house... 240 00:19:47,709 --> 00:19:50,543 ...l'm gonna do it right and I'm gonna do it big. 241 00:19:51,447 --> 00:19:54,143 You want something you can be proud of, don't you? 242 00:19:54,216 --> 00:19:55,615 Yeah, I guess so. 243 00:19:55,951 --> 00:19:57,612 Sure you do. 244 00:19:58,020 --> 00:20:00,454 You think you might be overdoing it, Dad? 245 00:20:00,522 --> 00:20:03,889 Russ, when was the last time I overdid anything? 246 00:20:07,030 --> 00:20:09,021 Come on, unravel these. 247 00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:12,165 You have to check every bulb. 248 00:20:12,235 --> 00:20:14,897 A little knot here. You work on that. 249 00:20:16,806 --> 00:20:18,831 I'll get the other box. 250 00:20:31,656 --> 00:20:33,681 I hope he falls and breaks his neck. 251 00:20:33,758 --> 00:20:38,389 I'm sure he'll fall. But I don't think we're lucky enough to have him break his neck. 252 00:20:40,832 --> 00:20:42,163 Let's go. 253 00:21:09,530 --> 00:21:14,365 These gusty winds appear to be playing havoc with the giant nutcracker float. 254 00:21:14,601 --> 00:21:18,560 At this point, I can't even see the nuts. They must have blown away. 255 00:21:18,972 --> 00:21:23,239 But nothing is going to dampen the spirit of this holiday crowd, I can tell you that. 256 00:21:23,311 --> 00:21:25,802 Oh, here they are. Here come the nuts. 257 00:22:42,896 --> 00:22:46,662 Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel? 258 00:22:47,901 --> 00:22:50,699 Can we at least forbid them to answer the phone? 259 00:22:50,770 --> 00:22:53,534 Alexander called this morning and Grandpa Clark told him... 260 00:22:53,606 --> 00:22:56,838 ...I couldn't come to the phone 'cause I was going to the bathroom. 261 00:22:56,911 --> 00:22:59,072 We're all making sacrifices, Audrey. 262 00:22:59,413 --> 00:23:00,311 Everybody? 263 00:23:00,381 --> 00:23:04,408 Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is? 264 00:23:04,485 --> 00:23:08,649 I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic. 265 00:23:09,223 --> 00:23:13,593 I have nightmares about what he does in bed alone when I'm not lying next to him. 266 00:23:13,829 --> 00:23:17,162 I don't know what to say except it's Christmas... 267 00:23:17,599 --> 00:23:19,430 ...and we're all in misery. 268 00:23:20,335 --> 00:23:22,895 Ellen, are you smoking again? 269 00:23:23,805 --> 00:23:25,238 No! 270 00:23:36,486 --> 00:23:38,954 Dad, where do you want these reindeer? 271 00:23:39,255 --> 00:23:41,450 Just put them on the lawn, Russ. 272 00:23:43,694 --> 00:23:45,594 I can't find the Santa Claus. 273 00:23:46,864 --> 00:23:49,765 It's in the basement. We'll get it later. 274 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,092 Clark? Dinner's ready. 275 00:24:49,096 --> 00:24:51,326 Okay, honey. I'm starving. 276 00:25:10,452 --> 00:25:14,821 Obviously something broke the window. Something hit the stereo. 277 00:25:24,567 --> 00:25:27,229 And why is the carpet all wet, Todd? 278 00:25:27,370 --> 00:25:29,736 I don't know, Margo. 279 00:25:37,648 --> 00:25:40,811 You wanna hurry this up, Clark? I'm freezing my baguettes off. 280 00:25:40,884 --> 00:25:45,184 Two hundred and fifty strands of lights, 100 individual bulbs per strand... 281 00:25:45,589 --> 00:25:49,185 ...for a grand total of 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights. 282 00:25:51,596 --> 00:25:52,756 Twenty-five thousand. 283 00:25:52,897 --> 00:25:55,092 I hope nobody I know drives by... 284 00:25:55,266 --> 00:25:58,895 ...and sees me standing in the yard, staring at my house in my pajamas. 285 00:25:58,970 --> 00:26:02,099 If they know your dad, they won't think anything of it. 286 00:26:02,174 --> 00:26:03,664 Fire it up! 287 00:26:04,910 --> 00:26:09,108 I dedicate this house to the Griswold family Christmas. 288 00:26:12,318 --> 00:26:13,683 Drum roll, please. 289 00:26:16,322 --> 00:26:17,347 Drum roll. 290 00:26:32,139 --> 00:26:35,803 "Joy to the world." 291 00:26:50,159 --> 00:26:51,592 Beautiful, Clark. 292 00:26:52,561 --> 00:26:54,722 Talk about pissing your money away. 293 00:26:55,564 --> 00:26:59,967 I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was. 294 00:27:00,235 --> 00:27:02,226 He worked really hard, Grandma. 295 00:27:02,471 --> 00:27:04,235 So do washing machines. 296 00:27:09,179 --> 00:27:11,079 Let's get in where it's warm. 297 00:27:11,748 --> 00:27:16,412 Clark, baby, I can picture it in my mind and it's breathtaking. 298 00:27:19,890 --> 00:27:21,050 Thanks, Mom. 299 00:27:21,759 --> 00:27:26,787 It's probably a bad bulb. You know, if one goes out, the whole thing won't work. 300 00:27:27,031 --> 00:27:30,194 If I were you, I'd personally check each one. 301 00:27:30,434 --> 00:27:31,765 I did that, Dad. 302 00:27:32,002 --> 00:27:35,871 If you need any help, give me a holler. I'll be upstairs asleep. 303 00:27:37,943 --> 00:27:42,277 I'm sorry, Daddy. It looks good, even if they're not lit. 304 00:27:43,882 --> 00:27:45,474 Thank you, sweetheart. 305 00:27:51,958 --> 00:27:54,620 Well, Dad, it was a good try. 306 00:27:54,961 --> 00:27:56,292 Thanks, Russ. 307 00:27:58,965 --> 00:28:01,331 We checked every bulb, didn't we? 308 00:28:03,035 --> 00:28:05,230 I'm sure of it. 309 00:28:08,342 --> 00:28:10,333 Maybe we ought to go up there and just... 310 00:28:10,410 --> 00:28:12,139 Geez! Look at the time. 311 00:28:13,046 --> 00:28:14,536 I have to go to bed. 312 00:28:15,048 --> 00:28:16,948 Brush my teeth, feed the hog. 313 00:28:17,050 --> 00:28:21,283 I still got some homework to do, do the laundry, wash the car... 314 00:28:27,262 --> 00:28:29,321 Don't stay up too late. 315 00:28:50,853 --> 00:28:53,220 Get off me, you little fungus. 316 00:30:54,418 --> 00:30:56,910 Where the hell is that cold coming from? 317 00:31:19,945 --> 00:31:22,937 - I need just a few more... - Pay by check, if you can. 318 00:31:23,449 --> 00:31:26,441 - Not a card? - No, it's a hassle if you have to return. 319 00:31:33,460 --> 00:31:34,290 Help! 320 00:31:34,361 --> 00:31:36,625 Daddy. Is Clark coming? 321 00:31:36,696 --> 00:31:37,958 How the hell would I know? 322 00:31:38,031 --> 00:31:38,998 Is he in the house? 323 00:31:39,065 --> 00:31:41,966 If he's not farting around with the lights, he must be. 324 00:31:42,035 --> 00:31:44,903 I'm sure he wants to come shopping and have lunch with us. 325 00:31:44,972 --> 00:31:49,875 He's got another car. He can drive. I have to eat so I can take my back pill. 326 00:35:52,102 --> 00:35:54,866 I want to take off these clothes, sit with a glass of wine... 327 00:35:54,938 --> 00:35:56,872 ...and kiss every inch of your body. 328 00:35:56,940 --> 00:35:59,773 - After you shower, of course. - Of course. 329 00:36:16,127 --> 00:36:18,561 - Sparky? - Yes, honey. 330 00:36:27,606 --> 00:36:31,064 Are you out here for a reason, or are you just avoiding the family? 331 00:36:31,410 --> 00:36:34,243 I still have a couple hundred more bulbs to check. 332 00:36:35,180 --> 00:36:37,081 Meantime, I can light the Santa... 333 00:36:37,150 --> 00:36:40,415 ...and the eight tiny reindeer and the "Merry Christmas" sign. 334 00:36:40,486 --> 00:36:42,977 That should look good. Ready? 335 00:36:43,256 --> 00:36:44,917 Want me to do the drum roll thing? 336 00:36:44,991 --> 00:36:47,084 No, it's okay. Here goes nothing. 337 00:36:54,835 --> 00:36:56,462 I don't understand it. 338 00:36:58,172 --> 00:37:01,403 The house lights don't work, the floodlights don't work. 339 00:37:03,677 --> 00:37:05,167 Is it plugged in? 340 00:37:05,512 --> 00:37:08,346 Do you think I would check thousands of tiny lights... 341 00:37:08,416 --> 00:37:11,476 ...if I wasn't sure the extension cord was plugged in? 342 00:37:13,355 --> 00:37:15,846 You used more than one cord, didn't you? 343 00:37:18,193 --> 00:37:22,061 Maybe the kids have been fooling around with it. I'll check in the back. 344 00:37:42,986 --> 00:37:43,953 Clark! 345 00:37:46,556 --> 00:37:48,285 - Todd! - Sorry! 346 00:37:51,928 --> 00:37:54,328 Honey, I think I know what's wrong. 347 00:38:09,915 --> 00:38:11,075 I can't see! 348 00:38:29,769 --> 00:38:31,168 This ought to do it. 349 00:38:44,919 --> 00:38:45,908 I fixed it! 350 00:38:49,457 --> 00:38:52,290 Everybody! Come out quick! Look at the lights! 351 00:39:01,336 --> 00:39:03,304 - Get a towel. - Okay! 352 00:39:07,042 --> 00:39:08,805 Wait a minute! I don't believe this. 353 00:39:08,877 --> 00:39:11,175 What's all that yelling about? 354 00:39:12,982 --> 00:39:14,574 What's going on here?! 355 00:39:16,652 --> 00:39:18,483 Twenty-five thousand twinkle lights. 356 00:39:20,323 --> 00:39:21,813 What's he doing? 357 00:39:22,058 --> 00:39:23,685 I haven't the foggiest. 358 00:39:25,895 --> 00:39:27,488 What the hell?! 359 00:39:28,232 --> 00:39:30,291 What is wrong with this?! 360 00:39:32,002 --> 00:39:33,560 Damn it! 361 00:39:38,242 --> 00:39:39,641 You goddamn thing! 362 00:40:12,545 --> 00:40:14,104 Dad, it's beautiful! 363 00:40:30,064 --> 00:40:31,964 Oh, my carpet! 364 00:40:41,642 --> 00:40:43,576 Clark, it's so lovely. 365 00:40:46,915 --> 00:40:49,748 You deserve a home like this to spend Christmas in. 366 00:40:52,921 --> 00:40:55,412 It's a beaut, Clark. A beaut. 367 00:40:57,593 --> 00:41:00,586 You taught me everything I know about exterior illumination. 368 00:41:00,663 --> 00:41:02,426 Thank you, thank you. 369 00:41:03,666 --> 00:41:05,065 Russ. Audrey. 370 00:41:09,439 --> 00:41:11,771 Dear... Francis. 371 00:41:14,611 --> 00:41:17,445 I hope this adds to your enjoyment of the holidays. 372 00:41:17,781 --> 00:41:19,772 It's just wonderful. 373 00:41:22,119 --> 00:41:23,279 Arthur. 374 00:41:24,288 --> 00:41:25,277 Art. 375 00:41:26,957 --> 00:41:28,117 Dad. 376 00:41:28,626 --> 00:41:30,184 Thanks for being here. 377 00:41:30,461 --> 00:41:32,896 The little lights are not twinkling. 378 00:41:32,964 --> 00:41:35,626 I know, Art, and thanks for noticing. 379 00:41:40,138 --> 00:41:42,629 The house sure does look swell, Clark. 380 00:41:42,707 --> 00:41:44,038 Thanks, Eddie. 381 00:41:44,476 --> 00:41:48,641 I hope it enhances your holiday spirit. Dear Catherine. 382 00:41:48,981 --> 00:41:50,608 Eddie? 383 00:41:51,884 --> 00:41:54,375 The house is gorgeous, Clark. 384 00:41:55,488 --> 00:41:56,648 Eddie? 385 00:41:57,156 --> 00:42:00,148 I hope you didn't do this all on our account, Clark. 386 00:42:00,493 --> 00:42:04,089 Kids, come on out here and see what Uncle Clark's done to the house. 387 00:42:04,164 --> 00:42:05,222 Eddie? 388 00:42:12,673 --> 00:42:13,640 Eddie? 389 00:42:16,510 --> 00:42:19,503 If you don't remember, this here is Rocky. 390 00:42:20,748 --> 00:42:24,184 - Have you got a kiss for me? - Take a rain check on that, Art. 391 00:42:24,252 --> 00:42:27,085 He's got a lip fungus that ain't identified yet. 392 00:42:29,791 --> 00:42:31,782 You remember Ruby Sue? 393 00:42:34,196 --> 00:42:36,027 Oh, my gosh! 394 00:42:37,866 --> 00:42:39,663 Her eyes are not crossed anymore. 395 00:42:39,735 --> 00:42:41,202 That somethin', ain't it? 396 00:42:41,270 --> 00:42:43,363 She falls in a well, her eyes go cross. 397 00:42:43,439 --> 00:42:46,875 A mule kicks her, they go back to normal. I don't know. 398 00:42:50,547 --> 00:42:52,708 And this here is our pride and joy. 399 00:42:52,782 --> 00:42:54,215 Snots. 400 00:42:55,118 --> 00:42:56,278 Pretty name. 401 00:42:56,386 --> 00:42:59,446 We named him that 'cause he's got this sinus condition. 402 00:43:00,223 --> 00:43:03,556 Snots, you roll over and let Uncle Clark scratch your belly. 403 00:43:05,730 --> 00:43:09,063 You never seen a set on a dog like this one's got, Clark. 404 00:43:09,900 --> 00:43:11,527 That's okay, Eddie. 405 00:43:11,902 --> 00:43:14,564 That's somethin', ain't it? You pet him on the belly... 406 00:43:14,638 --> 00:43:16,833 ...and he'll love you till the day you die. 407 00:43:16,907 --> 00:43:19,501 I really shouldn't. My hands are all chapped. 408 00:43:20,078 --> 00:43:24,742 We were going to call, but Eddie wanted to make it a surprise. 409 00:43:24,983 --> 00:43:26,314 You surprised? 410 00:43:26,585 --> 00:43:27,609 Surprised, Eddie? 411 00:43:27,919 --> 00:43:30,217 If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet... 412 00:43:30,388 --> 00:43:32,822 ...I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now. 413 00:43:35,093 --> 00:43:37,085 We have plenty of room. 414 00:43:39,265 --> 00:43:42,826 Plenty of towels. Plenty of everything. 415 00:43:44,437 --> 00:43:48,430 We're pretty well set up here in the RV. It's a little tight but... 416 00:43:49,008 --> 00:43:50,532 ...we didn't come to impose. 417 00:43:50,610 --> 00:43:52,442 There's plenty of room. 418 00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:54,939 Quit being so damn polite, Ed. 419 00:43:55,749 --> 00:44:01,016 Catherine and I are pretty comfy in there, but maybe you folks wouldn't mind... 420 00:44:01,088 --> 00:44:02,783 ...the youngsters shacking up with you. 421 00:44:02,856 --> 00:44:04,687 After that long drive... 422 00:44:04,792 --> 00:44:07,455 ...we could use a little private time together. 423 00:44:08,296 --> 00:44:13,563 Honey, why don't you get the kids' things. Don't forget the rubber sheets and gerbils. 424 00:44:13,635 --> 00:44:15,466 I'll show you the home. 425 00:44:53,578 --> 00:44:55,569 That's a honey of a tree, Clark. 426 00:44:56,514 --> 00:44:57,674 Is it real? 427 00:44:58,683 --> 00:45:00,446 I dug it out of the ground myself. 428 00:45:00,518 --> 00:45:01,849 Is that a fact? 429 00:45:02,353 --> 00:45:04,048 Get out of there, Snots! 430 00:45:04,121 --> 00:45:05,110 Don't worry about it. 431 00:45:05,189 --> 00:45:07,714 A little tree water ain't gonna hurt him. 432 00:45:07,859 --> 00:45:10,795 Before we left, he drank a half a quart of Pennzoil. 433 00:45:10,863 --> 00:45:13,696 He lifted his leg the next mornin'... 434 00:45:16,068 --> 00:45:18,935 If he drinks the water out of there, the tree's gonna dry up. 435 00:45:19,004 --> 00:45:20,699 Come on out of there. 436 00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:26,535 Get out of there. Go in the kitchen and get something to eat. 437 00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:28,975 He's cute, ain't he? 438 00:45:29,048 --> 00:45:32,950 Only problem is, he's got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. 439 00:45:33,219 --> 00:45:37,451 If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. 440 00:45:38,725 --> 00:45:42,560 You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants. 441 00:45:43,731 --> 00:45:45,221 A word of warning, though. 442 00:45:45,299 --> 00:45:48,530 If he does lay into you, it's best to just let him finish. 443 00:45:51,238 --> 00:45:54,833 I can't believe you're actually standing here in my living room, Eddie. 444 00:45:55,110 --> 00:45:56,577 Never thought the day would come. 445 00:45:56,645 --> 00:45:58,476 I'm excited about it, too. 446 00:45:59,581 --> 00:46:02,414 It's a cryin' shame the older kids couldn't make it. 447 00:46:06,154 --> 00:46:08,588 I'll get that. Don't worry about it. It's okay. 448 00:46:12,895 --> 00:46:17,093 I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the Wild Turkey. 449 00:46:18,034 --> 00:46:21,834 The older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career. 450 00:46:22,438 --> 00:46:23,996 - College? - Carnival. 451 00:46:25,107 --> 00:46:26,370 You gotta be proud. 452 00:46:27,945 --> 00:46:32,143 Last season, he was a pixie dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. 453 00:46:32,449 --> 00:46:35,612 He thinks that maybe next year, he'll be guessing people's weight... 454 00:46:35,686 --> 00:46:37,745 ...or barking for the Yak Woman. 455 00:46:39,289 --> 00:46:41,223 - You ever see her? - No. 456 00:46:41,291 --> 00:46:44,625 She got these big horns growing right out above her ears. 457 00:46:44,862 --> 00:46:47,353 She's ugly as sin, but a sweet gal. 458 00:46:47,432 --> 00:46:48,626 And a hell of a good cook. 459 00:46:48,700 --> 00:46:51,396 Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? 460 00:46:51,469 --> 00:46:53,960 Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? 461 00:46:54,038 --> 00:46:56,199 No, I'm doing just fine. 462 00:46:56,774 --> 00:46:58,140 Just glad to be here. 463 00:46:59,812 --> 00:47:02,474 When did you get the tenement on wheels? 464 00:47:03,315 --> 00:47:06,148 Oh, that? That's an RV. 465 00:47:07,619 --> 00:47:09,314 I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. 466 00:47:09,388 --> 00:47:12,221 He took my house, I took the RV. 467 00:47:13,159 --> 00:47:15,150 It's a good-looking vehicle, ain't it? 468 00:47:15,829 --> 00:47:17,763 It looks so nice parked in the driveway. 469 00:47:17,831 --> 00:47:21,164 It sure does. Don't you go falling in love with it. 470 00:47:21,901 --> 00:47:24,995 We're taking it with us when we leave here next month. 471 00:47:34,849 --> 00:47:37,682 Get Ed Leftic up here to look over these figures! 472 00:47:38,252 --> 00:47:40,413 Retooling. That's a great excuse. 473 00:47:42,523 --> 00:47:44,856 Retooling?! I'll retool you! 474 00:47:47,863 --> 00:47:49,854 Mr. Shirley, Merry Christmas. 475 00:47:50,265 --> 00:47:51,527 Who's that? 476 00:47:52,467 --> 00:47:54,128 It's me, Clark Griswold. 477 00:47:54,369 --> 00:47:55,768 What do you want? 478 00:47:56,872 --> 00:48:01,207 My wife and I just came up with a little something special. It's a gift. 479 00:48:02,278 --> 00:48:04,872 Put it over there with the others, Greaseball. 480 00:48:15,559 --> 00:48:20,019 By the way, I hope my report helped out at the trade show. 481 00:48:24,902 --> 00:48:26,893 I'm sure it did, Grisball. 482 00:48:27,638 --> 00:48:30,972 If you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of an important call. 483 00:48:31,910 --> 00:48:33,275 Get me somebody. 484 00:48:33,411 --> 00:48:34,639 Anybody. 485 00:48:36,347 --> 00:48:38,008 And get me somebody while I'm waiting. 486 00:48:50,996 --> 00:48:55,160 This is a new non-caloric, silicon-based kitchen lubricant... 487 00:48:55,267 --> 00:48:56,598 ...my company's been working on. 488 00:48:56,669 --> 00:49:00,366 It creates a surface 500 times more slippery than cooking oil. 489 00:49:00,439 --> 00:49:02,874 We'll fly down the hill with this stuff. 490 00:49:03,276 --> 00:49:05,335 Has anyone ever used it on a sled? 491 00:49:05,412 --> 00:49:06,879 Not that I know of. 492 00:49:09,449 --> 00:49:12,441 Don't go puttin' none of that stuff on my sled, Clark. 493 00:49:12,786 --> 00:49:16,119 - You know the metal plate in my head? - How could I forget it. 494 00:49:16,289 --> 00:49:20,124 I had it replaced. Every time Catherine raved up the microwave... 495 00:49:20,261 --> 00:49:23,094 ...l'd piss in my pants and forget who I was. 496 00:49:23,464 --> 00:49:26,365 Over at the V.A., they had it replaced with a plastic one. 497 00:49:26,634 --> 00:49:28,625 That ain't as strong, so... 498 00:49:29,137 --> 00:49:31,298 I shouldn't go sailing down a hill... 499 00:49:31,372 --> 00:49:33,637 ...with nothing between the ground and my brain... 500 00:49:33,709 --> 00:49:35,939 ...but a piece of government plastic. 501 00:49:37,479 --> 00:49:39,242 You really think it matters, Eddie? 502 00:49:39,314 --> 00:49:42,147 The plate runs right underneath my part. 503 00:49:44,153 --> 00:49:46,485 Over here is nothing, but... 504 00:49:46,822 --> 00:49:51,658 ...if this gets dented, then my hair just ain't going to look right. 505 00:49:54,330 --> 00:49:55,797 I know the feeling. 506 00:49:57,167 --> 00:49:59,635 I better try this first. See how it works. 507 00:49:59,702 --> 00:50:01,533 Be careful there, Clark. 508 00:50:01,604 --> 00:50:03,539 Nothing to worry about, Eddie. 509 00:50:03,674 --> 00:50:08,077 Going for a new, amateur-recreational- saucer-sled land-speed record... 510 00:50:08,512 --> 00:50:11,003 Clark W. Griswold, Junior! 511 00:50:11,682 --> 00:50:15,015 Remember, don't try this at home, kids. I am a professional. 512 00:50:18,189 --> 00:50:19,521 Later, dudes. 513 00:50:20,859 --> 00:50:22,850 Let her rip. Hang ten. 514 00:50:40,580 --> 00:50:42,013 It's great! I'm dead! 515 00:51:28,264 --> 00:51:29,424 Bingo. 516 00:51:42,445 --> 00:51:44,379 - You're staying late? - Hi, Bill. 517 00:51:44,447 --> 00:51:45,778 Yeah. Just... 518 00:51:46,449 --> 00:51:49,941 ...finishing up a few things. Last day of the year for me. 519 00:51:50,620 --> 00:51:53,454 Have a really Merry Christmas. 520 00:51:54,792 --> 00:51:55,850 You, too. 521 00:51:58,362 --> 00:51:59,488 You okay? 522 00:52:00,564 --> 00:52:01,553 Yeah. 523 00:52:03,301 --> 00:52:05,792 Bill, did you get your bonus yet? 524 00:52:06,137 --> 00:52:08,038 Just talked to my son. 525 00:52:08,407 --> 00:52:11,240 Company messenger just brought something to my house. 526 00:52:11,710 --> 00:52:14,110 Nothing like waiting till the last minute, huh? 527 00:52:15,314 --> 00:52:16,576 You get yours? 528 00:52:18,650 --> 00:52:21,346 If it isn't at the house, I'm sure it must be on its way. 529 00:52:21,420 --> 00:52:25,255 If I don't get that bonus, I'm in it up to here. 530 00:52:25,658 --> 00:52:27,421 Don't sweat it. It'll come. 531 00:52:27,493 --> 00:52:28,755 Merry Christmas. 532 00:52:28,828 --> 00:52:30,056 Same to you. 533 00:52:50,184 --> 00:52:54,019 "'Mele Kalikimaka' is the thing to say 534 00:52:54,689 --> 00:52:56,680 "On a bright Hawaiian 535 00:52:56,925 --> 00:52:58,586 "Christmas day. 536 00:52:59,694 --> 00:53:01,855 "That's the island greeting 537 00:53:02,030 --> 00:53:05,090 "That we send to you From the land 538 00:53:05,867 --> 00:53:08,199 "Where palm trees sway. 539 00:53:09,171 --> 00:53:11,162 "Here we know that Christmas 540 00:53:11,407 --> 00:53:13,136 "Will be green and bright 541 00:53:13,609 --> 00:53:15,873 "The sun to shine by day 542 00:53:16,045 --> 00:53:18,036 "And all the stars at night. 543 00:53:18,447 --> 00:53:22,611 "'Mele Kalikimaka' is Hawaii's way 544 00:53:22,952 --> 00:53:26,116 "To say 'Merry Christmas' to you." 545 00:54:41,368 --> 00:54:42,700 Santy Claus? 546 00:54:43,805 --> 00:54:46,137 Uncle Clark, are you Santy Claus? 547 00:54:46,408 --> 00:54:47,272 What? 548 00:54:51,146 --> 00:54:52,636 What? You scared me. 549 00:54:54,716 --> 00:54:56,650 No, I'm not Santa Claus. 550 00:55:00,156 --> 00:55:01,384 I wish I was. 551 00:55:03,659 --> 00:55:05,786 What are you doing up, sweetheart? 552 00:55:07,497 --> 00:55:09,158 Rocky bit my thumb. 553 00:55:09,832 --> 00:55:12,665 Him's nervous because Christmas is almost here. 554 00:55:13,837 --> 00:55:15,304 Nervous or excited? 555 00:55:15,839 --> 00:55:17,170 Shittin' bricks. 556 00:55:18,509 --> 00:55:19,999 You shouldn't use that word. 557 00:55:20,077 --> 00:55:22,568 Sorry. Shittin' rocks. 558 00:55:25,349 --> 00:55:28,808 Him's nervous because he don't know if he's gettin' nothin'. 559 00:55:31,789 --> 00:55:35,020 I don't think he should be nervous, and you shouldn't be, either. 560 00:55:35,093 --> 00:55:37,926 'Cause if you're good, Santa knows it. 561 00:55:38,763 --> 00:55:41,129 If you believe in him and in your mom... 562 00:55:41,199 --> 00:55:42,894 ...and you believe in... 563 00:55:43,201 --> 00:55:44,533 ...your dad... 564 00:55:45,704 --> 00:55:50,266 ...and you've been good all year round, Santa Claus will bring you something. 565 00:55:50,876 --> 00:55:54,039 Sometimes I think all that Santa crap is just bull. 566 00:55:54,547 --> 00:55:57,880 If he was so real, how come we didn't get squat last year? 567 00:55:58,117 --> 00:56:01,554 We didn't do nothin' wrong and we still got the shaft. 568 00:56:01,721 --> 00:56:05,714 Well, I happen to know for a fact that Santa Claus is real. 569 00:56:06,459 --> 00:56:08,552 And in the next couple of days... 570 00:56:09,062 --> 00:56:11,394 ...somehow, I'm gonna prove it to you. 571 00:56:12,732 --> 00:56:15,793 Every year, he comes to our house. I've seen him. 572 00:56:17,071 --> 00:56:18,129 It's true? 573 00:56:18,406 --> 00:56:19,737 Cross my heart. 574 00:56:23,477 --> 00:56:25,672 It's a good idea you came to stay with us. 575 00:56:25,746 --> 00:56:29,910 I love it here. You don't gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom. 576 00:56:30,084 --> 00:56:32,918 And your house is always parked in the same place. 577 00:56:36,425 --> 00:56:38,757 I think you better go back to bed, now. 578 00:56:42,598 --> 00:56:44,725 Okay. How come you ain't sleeping? 579 00:56:46,436 --> 00:56:48,597 I was looking for something. 580 00:56:52,275 --> 00:56:56,336 You didn't notice if a man came here and delivered a letter today, did you? 581 00:56:57,013 --> 00:56:58,844 Nope. How come? 582 00:56:59,115 --> 00:57:00,776 Just wondering. 583 00:57:06,457 --> 00:57:08,618 Now you get back to bed. Come here. 584 00:57:15,432 --> 00:57:18,231 Are you sure you ain't Santy Claus? 585 00:57:19,471 --> 00:57:20,495 I'm sure. 586 00:57:25,844 --> 00:57:27,812 I can't even afford to be an elf. 587 00:57:38,991 --> 00:57:43,155 I had two containers of K-rations... two containers... 588 00:57:43,496 --> 00:57:46,932 ...and I had Spam until it was coming out of my ears! 589 00:57:58,178 --> 00:58:00,043 Aren't you having any breakfast? 590 00:58:00,113 --> 00:58:01,774 No. Not in the mood. 591 00:58:03,351 --> 00:58:05,046 What are you looking at? 592 00:58:07,522 --> 00:58:10,685 The silent majesty of a winter's morn. The clean... 593 00:58:10,858 --> 00:58:12,951 ...cool chill of the holiday air. 594 00:58:13,127 --> 00:58:16,790 An asshole, in a bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer. 595 00:58:22,104 --> 00:58:23,628 The shitter was full. 596 00:58:24,540 --> 00:58:26,474 Have you checked our shitters, honey? 597 00:58:26,542 --> 00:58:29,033 Clark, please. He doesn't know any better. 598 00:58:29,378 --> 00:58:31,573 He ought to know it's illegal. It's a storm sewer. 599 00:58:31,647 --> 00:58:36,051 If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it. 600 00:58:58,576 --> 00:59:00,237 Merry Christmas. 601 00:59:00,678 --> 00:59:02,202 The shitter was full. 602 00:59:17,095 --> 00:59:21,465 I have this suspicion that Catherine and Eddie don't have presents for their kids. 603 00:59:21,534 --> 00:59:26,198 Rocky said Eddie told him Santa Claus wasn't coming this year. 604 00:59:28,274 --> 00:59:33,211 Ruby Sue said the same thing last night. How can they have nothing for their kids? 605 00:59:33,279 --> 00:59:35,372 He's been out of work for almost seven years. 606 00:59:35,448 --> 00:59:37,713 In seven years he couldn't find a job? 607 00:59:37,785 --> 00:59:41,619 Catherine says he's been holding out for a management position. 608 00:59:45,626 --> 00:59:47,389 So, how's the live bait business? 609 00:59:47,461 --> 00:59:50,294 I can't complain. How you doing? 610 00:59:50,964 --> 00:59:52,626 Not that good, actually. 611 00:59:52,901 --> 00:59:56,564 Your company kill off all them people in India not long ago? 612 00:59:56,805 --> 00:59:59,069 No, we missed out on that one. 613 00:59:59,574 --> 01:00:02,065 You're pretty set so far as shopping goes? 614 01:00:02,477 --> 01:00:04,809 Well, I can't lie to you, Clark. 615 01:00:05,146 --> 01:00:07,741 The truth is, things ain't goin' too good at all. 616 01:00:07,817 --> 01:00:11,253 You know I told you I borrowed the RV from a neighbor? 617 01:00:11,887 --> 01:00:12,876 It's mine. 618 01:00:13,455 --> 01:00:14,649 We live in it. 619 01:00:14,924 --> 01:00:18,485 I had to sell off the house, the barn, the ten acres... 620 01:00:19,495 --> 01:00:23,990 All I kept was a 50-foot plot, the pigs and the worm farm. 621 01:00:26,336 --> 01:00:29,999 If I only had back the money me and Catherine sent that TV preacher... 622 01:00:30,073 --> 01:00:32,473 ...that was screwin' the hockey players. 623 01:00:33,677 --> 01:00:35,008 What about the kids? 624 01:00:35,478 --> 01:00:37,503 His kids can fend for themselves. 625 01:00:37,781 --> 01:00:39,113 Your kids. 626 01:00:40,418 --> 01:00:43,148 That's the bitch of it. I don't know what to do. 627 01:00:43,187 --> 01:00:47,681 We coasted into town on fumes. The gas money give out in Guerney. 628 01:00:51,929 --> 01:00:55,127 Ellen and I want to help you give the kids a nice Christmas. 629 01:00:55,200 --> 01:00:57,361 No, Clark, I couldn't do that. 630 01:00:57,903 --> 01:00:58,961 We insist. 631 01:00:59,204 --> 01:01:01,638 No, I'm not one for charity. 632 01:01:01,874 --> 01:01:05,310 I know that, Eddie. This isn't charity. It's family. 633 01:01:07,546 --> 01:01:09,481 I don't know about that. 634 01:01:09,716 --> 01:01:13,709 Now, come on, if you don't tell me what they want, I'll get it on my own. 635 01:01:18,892 --> 01:01:20,723 This is a surprise, Clark. 636 01:01:21,394 --> 01:01:23,555 This is a real nice surprise. 637 01:01:24,497 --> 01:01:27,058 Just a real nice surprise. 638 01:01:32,306 --> 01:01:33,330 Here's a list. 639 01:01:33,407 --> 01:01:35,898 Alphabetical, starting with Catherine. 640 01:01:36,410 --> 01:01:40,244 If it wouldn't be too much, I'd like to get something for you, Clark. 641 01:01:40,382 --> 01:01:42,873 Something really nice. 642 01:02:00,569 --> 01:02:02,366 Is your house on fire, Clark? 643 01:02:02,605 --> 01:02:04,630 No Bethany, those are Christmas lights. 644 01:02:04,707 --> 01:02:06,504 Don't throw me down, Clark. 645 01:02:06,609 --> 01:02:07,940 I'll try not to. 646 01:02:08,611 --> 01:02:10,442 Is this the airport? 647 01:02:10,713 --> 01:02:11,942 We're here! 648 01:02:12,049 --> 01:02:15,610 Me and Bethany figured out the perfect gift for you. 649 01:02:15,719 --> 01:02:18,552 Uncle Louis, you didn't have to buy me anything. 650 01:02:18,622 --> 01:02:20,954 Damn it, Bethany, he guessed it. 651 01:02:21,625 --> 01:02:23,217 That was fun. 652 01:02:23,627 --> 01:02:25,959 I love riding in cars. 653 01:02:26,965 --> 01:02:29,297 When did you move to Florida? 654 01:02:32,403 --> 01:02:34,769 Are you still dating Clark? 655 01:02:38,409 --> 01:02:40,570 You know you shouldn't have done that. 656 01:02:40,645 --> 01:02:43,137 Oh, dear. Did I break wind? 657 01:02:43,816 --> 01:02:47,843 Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany? Hell, no. 658 01:02:47,987 --> 01:02:51,081 She means presents. You shouldn't have bought presents. 659 01:02:51,156 --> 01:02:55,092 It isn't every day somebody moves into a new house. 660 01:02:55,260 --> 01:02:57,421 They didn't move into a new house. 661 01:02:59,733 --> 01:03:00,961 In the living room. 662 01:03:03,003 --> 01:03:05,335 This house is bigger than your old one. 663 01:03:07,073 --> 01:03:09,234 Is Rusty still in the Navy? 664 01:03:10,510 --> 01:03:14,845 Why don't you go into the living room and say hello to everybody? 665 01:03:15,182 --> 01:03:18,276 Hello, everybody! I should say it? 666 01:03:22,556 --> 01:03:23,955 - Mom? - What? 667 01:03:24,358 --> 01:03:26,189 This box is meowing. 668 01:03:33,001 --> 01:03:34,628 She wrapped up her damn cat. 669 01:03:34,870 --> 01:03:37,805 - Take it in the kitchen. Open it up. - And have a cat running around? 670 01:03:37,873 --> 01:03:39,306 We can't leave it in the box. 671 01:03:39,374 --> 01:03:41,865 Why would somebody wrap up a cat in a box? 672 01:03:42,210 --> 01:03:44,178 She gets confused. She's old. 673 01:03:44,279 --> 01:03:47,374 They don't have much money, so she takes things from the house... 674 01:03:47,450 --> 01:03:49,611 ...wraps them up, gives them away as presents. 675 01:03:49,685 --> 01:03:51,243 Can't wait to see what I got! 676 01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:52,981 This one here... 677 01:03:53,222 --> 01:03:54,484 ...is leaking. 678 01:04:00,631 --> 01:04:01,359 Lime. 679 01:04:01,832 --> 01:04:03,299 It's her Jell-O mold. 680 01:04:03,367 --> 01:04:07,565 I'll take it, Eddie. Go into the living room and enjoy yourself. 681 01:04:10,841 --> 01:04:12,570 Let's go find your sister. 682 01:04:33,799 --> 01:04:34,959 Before we begin... 683 01:04:35,634 --> 01:04:38,262 ...since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas... 684 01:04:38,771 --> 01:04:41,740 ...I think she should lead us in the saying of grace. 685 01:04:45,878 --> 01:04:47,005 What, dear? 686 01:04:49,082 --> 01:04:49,912 Grace! 687 01:04:51,451 --> 01:04:54,852 Grace? She passed away 30 years ago. 688 01:04:55,889 --> 01:04:58,119 They want you to say grace. 689 01:05:00,961 --> 01:05:03,123 The blessing. 690 01:05:20,015 --> 01:05:21,414 "I pledge allegiance... 691 01:05:21,650 --> 01:05:25,313 "...to the flag of the United States of America... 692 01:05:25,754 --> 01:05:27,415 "...and to the republic... 693 01:05:27,656 --> 01:05:31,922 "...for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible... 694 01:05:32,494 --> 01:05:35,828 "...with liberty and justice for all." 695 01:05:38,001 --> 01:05:38,729 Amen. 696 01:05:45,008 --> 01:05:48,945 Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks... 697 01:05:49,180 --> 01:05:51,774 ...I think we're all in for a very big treat. 698 01:05:55,953 --> 01:05:57,784 Save the neck for me, Clark. 699 01:06:14,306 --> 01:06:15,466 I'm sorry. 700 01:06:16,508 --> 01:06:17,566 Why are you crying? 701 01:06:17,642 --> 01:06:20,134 I told you we put it in too early. 702 01:06:20,780 --> 01:06:23,044 It's just a little dry. It's fine. 703 01:06:25,785 --> 01:06:26,843 Here's the heart. 704 01:07:27,851 --> 01:07:29,148 Aunt Bethany... 705 01:07:30,787 --> 01:07:32,914 Does your cat happen to eat Jell-O? 706 01:07:35,225 --> 01:07:37,126 I don't know about the cat... 707 01:07:37,528 --> 01:07:38,893 ...but I'm enjoying it. 708 01:07:52,243 --> 01:07:53,074 Kids... 709 01:07:53,979 --> 01:07:55,071 ...I heard on the news... 710 01:07:55,147 --> 01:07:59,777 ...that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sled on its way in from New York. 711 01:08:05,657 --> 01:08:06,885 You serious, Clark? 712 01:08:09,929 --> 01:08:13,421 Load me up with a little more there. It's good. 713 01:08:24,278 --> 01:08:26,007 What's wrong with the dog? 714 01:08:29,683 --> 01:08:34,450 He's just yackin' on a bone. He's got it up. He's all right now. 715 01:08:36,256 --> 01:08:38,817 Maybe if you wouldn't feed him from the table... 716 01:08:40,362 --> 01:08:42,023 No. 717 01:08:42,864 --> 01:08:45,856 He's probably just nosing through the trash. 718 01:08:56,011 --> 01:08:58,377 If you're not doing anything constructive... 719 01:08:58,447 --> 01:09:01,075 ...run into the living room, get my stogie. 720 01:09:02,551 --> 01:09:05,486 Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Louis? 721 01:09:05,921 --> 01:09:08,287 He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas. 722 01:09:09,492 --> 01:09:12,223 He keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas. 723 01:09:45,964 --> 01:09:47,261 That should be it. 724 01:10:03,683 --> 01:10:06,243 I told you, you had too many plugs in one outlet. 725 01:10:08,822 --> 01:10:09,754 What is it? 726 01:10:12,026 --> 01:10:14,961 Nothing. Let's go in and finish our dessert. 727 01:10:17,731 --> 01:10:20,791 If that thing had nine lives, she just spent them all. 728 01:10:25,806 --> 01:10:29,800 If you don't mind, I'd like to try to fumigate this here chair. 729 01:10:30,512 --> 01:10:32,309 It's a good quality item. 730 01:10:34,416 --> 01:10:38,477 If you don't mind me askin', how much it set you back? 731 01:10:39,521 --> 01:10:41,113 Do you smell something? 732 01:10:43,392 --> 01:10:44,825 Fried pussycat. 733 01:10:47,563 --> 01:10:51,192 It's not the chair, it's some kind of gas coming from the sewer. 734 01:11:41,186 --> 01:11:42,483 My tree! 735 01:11:44,690 --> 01:11:46,716 So, what's the matter with you? 736 01:11:47,727 --> 01:11:49,820 Look what you've done to my tree! 737 01:12:05,212 --> 01:12:07,180 It was an ugly tree anyway. 738 01:12:08,015 --> 01:12:10,074 At least it's out of its misery. 739 01:12:10,751 --> 01:12:12,776 - Dad's gonna flip out. - Nobody's gonna flip out. 740 01:12:12,853 --> 01:12:15,321 We're gonna have a wonderful Christmas. 741 01:12:18,894 --> 01:12:20,293 What the hell do you want? 742 01:12:20,362 --> 01:12:23,160 I have a delivery for Clark W. Griswold. 743 01:12:23,332 --> 01:12:25,562 I was supposed to deliver it yesterday... 744 01:12:25,701 --> 01:12:30,035 ...but it fell between the seats and I didn't see it. I'm sorry. 745 01:12:37,213 --> 01:12:38,544 Merry Christmas. 746 01:12:39,782 --> 01:12:41,113 Merry Christmas. 747 01:12:45,054 --> 01:12:46,818 - I can't believe it. - What is it? 748 01:12:47,491 --> 01:12:50,324 A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse? 749 01:12:50,961 --> 01:12:52,155 It's from my company. 750 01:12:52,963 --> 01:12:53,759 Your bonus. 751 01:12:54,498 --> 01:12:55,396 My bonus. 752 01:13:01,171 --> 01:13:02,969 Open it, Clarkie. Open it. 753 01:13:03,642 --> 01:13:05,803 I hope it's a fortune. 754 01:13:06,478 --> 01:13:07,740 I bet you do. 755 01:13:12,617 --> 01:13:13,641 I was afraid... 756 01:13:13,918 --> 01:13:17,752 Are you going to bawl all over it, or are you gonna open it? 757 01:13:19,992 --> 01:13:23,860 I was gonna wait till tomorrow to tell you all this, but what the heck? 758 01:13:24,730 --> 01:13:28,097 With this bonus check, I'm putting in a swimming pool. 759 01:13:32,438 --> 01:13:34,669 That's it. That's the big one! 760 01:13:37,110 --> 01:13:38,168 Open it! 761 01:13:40,914 --> 01:13:44,350 I'm sorry if I've been a little short with everyone lately. 762 01:13:44,918 --> 01:13:46,715 I've been waiting for this bonus. 763 01:13:46,987 --> 01:13:49,115 To make sure the pool goes in when the ground thaws... 764 01:13:49,190 --> 01:13:51,181 ...I had to lay out the money in advance. 765 01:13:51,259 --> 01:13:55,423 Until this arrived, I didn't have enough to cover the check. 766 01:13:55,763 --> 01:13:57,958 Tear the sucker open, Dad. 767 01:13:59,701 --> 01:14:00,531 Drum roll. 768 01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:13,541 If there's enough left, I'll fly you all down to help us dedicate it. 769 01:14:17,653 --> 01:14:19,211 I can't swim, Clark. 770 01:14:20,590 --> 01:14:21,887 I know that, Eddie. 771 01:14:36,874 --> 01:14:38,068 What's wrong? 772 01:14:41,412 --> 01:14:43,744 It's bigger than you expected? 773 01:14:47,451 --> 01:14:48,418 Smaller? 774 01:14:51,256 --> 01:14:52,416 What is it? 775 01:14:54,226 --> 01:14:58,026 A one-year membership in the Jelly-of-the-Month Club. 776 01:14:59,197 --> 01:15:03,190 That's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year. 777 01:15:04,936 --> 01:15:06,404 That it is, Edward. 778 01:15:07,373 --> 01:15:08,533 That it is, indeed. 779 01:15:09,442 --> 01:15:10,602 I'm sorry. 780 01:15:12,779 --> 01:15:17,614 If this isn't the biggest bag-over-the-head punch in the face I ever got! Goddamn it! 781 01:15:18,651 --> 01:15:19,447 Son. 782 01:15:32,900 --> 01:15:34,561 It's good. 783 01:15:43,511 --> 01:15:47,106 If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me... 784 01:15:47,182 --> 01:15:48,479 ...I have one. 785 01:15:49,250 --> 01:15:51,980 I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here, tonight. 786 01:15:52,988 --> 01:15:57,322 Brought from his happy holiday slumber on Melody Lane with all the rich people. 787 01:15:57,493 --> 01:15:59,484 I want him brought right here... 788 01:15:59,829 --> 01:16:04,163 ...with a big ribbon on his head and I want to look him straight in the eye... 789 01:16:04,433 --> 01:16:07,925 ...and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten... 790 01:16:08,003 --> 01:16:11,201 ...low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed... 791 01:16:11,341 --> 01:16:15,869 ...ignorant, bloodsucking, brainless, dickless, hopeless... 792 01:16:16,346 --> 01:16:20,009 ...heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped... 793 01:16:20,183 --> 01:16:23,175 ...worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! 794 01:16:23,520 --> 01:16:24,852 Hallelujah! 795 01:16:25,289 --> 01:16:27,689 Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? 796 01:16:41,306 --> 01:16:43,240 He has that crazy look in his eye. 797 01:16:43,308 --> 01:16:45,640 I told you we should have gone to Hawaii. 798 01:16:45,978 --> 01:16:48,538 Turn that thing off and get in the house! 799 01:16:49,314 --> 01:16:50,975 I'll talk to him, Mom. 800 01:16:54,553 --> 01:16:55,919 You know, Dad... 801 01:16:56,055 --> 01:16:57,647 ...l've been thinking. 802 01:16:59,225 --> 01:17:00,658 Good talk. 803 01:17:06,499 --> 01:17:09,468 Aren't you a teeny bit sorry we didn't get a Christmas tree? 804 01:17:09,569 --> 01:17:12,733 Even though they're dirty and messy and corny and clich�d? 805 01:17:13,240 --> 01:17:16,403 Where are you going to find a tree at this hour on Christmas Eve? 806 01:17:35,730 --> 01:17:36,628 What's the matter? 807 01:17:38,934 --> 01:17:40,196 Was that really necessary? 808 01:17:42,705 --> 01:17:43,967 We needed a tree. 809 01:17:44,040 --> 01:17:45,701 May I remind you that... 810 01:17:45,875 --> 01:17:49,038 That this was all my idea? No, no. I'm well aware of that. 811 01:17:49,779 --> 01:17:53,112 Could you just keep it in mind the next time you go berserk? 812 01:17:53,449 --> 01:17:56,612 I didn't go berserk. I simply solved a problem. 813 01:17:58,889 --> 01:18:00,447 We needed a coffin. 814 01:18:01,792 --> 01:18:05,387 A tree. There are no lots open on Christmas Eve. 815 01:18:05,796 --> 01:18:09,732 Louis burned down my tree so I replaced it as best I could. Voil�... 816 01:18:10,300 --> 01:18:11,528 Are you okay? 817 01:18:11,635 --> 01:18:13,228 I'm fine, honey. 818 01:18:37,830 --> 01:18:39,491 I fixed the newel post. 819 01:19:02,556 --> 01:19:03,955 What's that sound? 820 01:19:25,881 --> 01:19:27,212 Do you hear it? 821 01:19:28,216 --> 01:19:30,651 It's a funny, squeaking sound. 822 01:19:31,387 --> 01:19:35,881 You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant. 823 01:19:37,393 --> 01:19:38,690 I hear it, too. 824 01:19:47,704 --> 01:19:48,728 I don't hear it anymore. 825 01:19:54,078 --> 01:19:55,409 Squirrel! 826 01:20:03,188 --> 01:20:05,088 What was it? Oh, my God! 827 01:20:11,429 --> 01:20:12,760 Quiet! Shut up! 828 01:20:26,445 --> 01:20:27,776 Mom, don't move. 829 01:20:30,282 --> 01:20:32,410 We can't let it out of the living room. 830 01:20:33,587 --> 01:20:36,454 Where's Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things. 831 01:20:36,790 --> 01:20:40,385 Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol. 832 01:20:41,628 --> 01:20:42,890 Thank you, Catherine. 833 01:20:44,397 --> 01:20:45,625 I'll try and trap it. 834 01:20:45,799 --> 01:20:46,857 Russ! 835 01:20:47,100 --> 01:20:48,125 We're here, Dad. 836 01:20:48,769 --> 01:20:49,793 There you are. 837 01:20:50,972 --> 01:20:52,371 Go get the hammer. 838 01:20:52,640 --> 01:20:54,574 What do you need a hammer for? 839 01:20:54,809 --> 01:20:58,575 I'll catch it in the coat and smack it with the hammer. 840 01:21:05,988 --> 01:21:07,580 I'm going in with him. 841 01:21:11,326 --> 01:21:12,486 Nora? 842 01:21:16,098 --> 01:21:17,087 Is it gone? 843 01:21:17,166 --> 01:21:19,658 It probably got scared and ran back into the tree. 844 01:21:20,436 --> 01:21:22,165 Squirrel! 845 01:22:00,912 --> 01:22:05,043 You just march right over there and slug that creep in the face. 846 01:22:05,218 --> 01:22:06,742 I can't just attack someone. 847 01:22:06,819 --> 01:22:11,051 All right, then. If you're not man enough to put an end to this shit, then I am. 848 01:22:32,846 --> 01:22:33,540 Gone. 849 01:22:39,087 --> 01:22:40,679 Oh, my God. 850 01:22:43,858 --> 01:22:45,348 What happened to you? 851 01:22:58,274 --> 01:23:00,936 Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. 852 01:23:01,277 --> 01:23:04,144 Nobody walks out on this old-fashioned family Christmas. 853 01:23:04,213 --> 01:23:06,613 No, we're all in this together. 854 01:23:06,950 --> 01:23:09,942 This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency. 855 01:23:10,220 --> 01:23:13,553 We're going to press on and have the happiest Christmas... 856 01:23:13,723 --> 01:23:16,556 ...since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. 857 01:23:16,626 --> 01:23:19,652 And when Santa squeezes his fat, white ass down the chimney... 858 01:23:19,729 --> 01:23:23,723 ...he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. 859 01:23:23,934 --> 01:23:25,162 You're goofy. 860 01:23:25,469 --> 01:23:27,130 Don't piss me off, Art. 861 01:23:28,306 --> 01:23:31,400 - It's over. - Not according to Santa's watch, it isn't. 862 01:23:31,475 --> 01:23:32,737 Stay out of this, Dad. 863 01:23:32,810 --> 01:23:35,904 Clark, I think it's best if everyone just goes home. 864 01:23:36,247 --> 01:23:37,840 Before things get worse. 865 01:23:37,916 --> 01:23:40,908 Worse?! How could they get any worse? 866 01:23:41,153 --> 01:23:45,146 Look around you, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell! 867 01:24:03,176 --> 01:24:04,165 Son. 868 01:24:06,012 --> 01:24:08,344 I love you. We all love you. 869 01:24:08,681 --> 01:24:12,174 But this is a terrible night. Nothing's gone right. It's a disaster. 870 01:24:12,953 --> 01:24:15,786 But losing your temper only makes things worse. 871 01:24:16,023 --> 01:24:18,685 You're too good a father to act like this. 872 01:24:20,694 --> 01:24:25,359 In years to come, you'll want your family to remember all the love you gave us... 873 01:24:25,633 --> 01:24:28,693 ...and how hard you tried to make the perfect Christmas. 874 01:24:29,304 --> 01:24:30,896 You just cocked it up. 875 01:24:33,875 --> 01:24:36,207 It's okay. It happens. 876 01:24:38,313 --> 01:24:40,646 All our holidays were always such a mess. 877 01:24:42,718 --> 01:24:44,515 How did you get through it? 878 01:24:45,388 --> 01:24:47,379 I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels. 879 01:24:57,067 --> 01:24:58,398 I love you. 880 01:25:03,006 --> 01:25:05,167 Will you recite "The Night Before Christmas"? 881 01:25:05,242 --> 01:25:07,574 No. It's your house. 882 01:25:07,844 --> 01:25:09,402 It's your Christmas. 883 01:25:10,580 --> 01:25:12,173 I'm retiring. 884 01:25:13,551 --> 01:25:16,418 "The children were nestled All snug in their beds 885 01:25:16,754 --> 01:25:19,746 "While visions of sugarplums Danced in their heads 886 01:25:20,358 --> 01:25:21,848 "And Mama in her kerchief 887 01:25:21,926 --> 01:25:25,919 "And I in my cap, just settled our brains For a long winter's nap 888 01:25:26,197 --> 01:25:29,690 "When out on the lawn There arose such a clatter 889 01:25:29,802 --> 01:25:32,032 "I sprang from my bed To see what was the matter 890 01:25:32,104 --> 01:25:34,231 "Away to the window I flew like a flash 891 01:25:34,406 --> 01:25:36,738 "Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash 892 01:25:36,942 --> 01:25:38,933 "The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow 893 01:25:39,011 --> 01:25:41,536 "Gave a luster of midday to objects below 894 01:25:41,713 --> 01:25:44,046 "When what to my wondering eyes should appear 895 01:25:44,150 --> 01:25:45,845 "But a miniature sleigh..." 896 01:25:47,587 --> 01:25:48,451 ...and Eddie. 897 01:25:48,788 --> 01:25:51,450 And a man in his pajamas with a dog chain... 898 01:25:51,624 --> 01:25:54,058 ...tied to his wrists and ankles. What the...? 899 01:25:56,463 --> 01:25:57,624 Stay here. 900 01:26:03,971 --> 01:26:06,030 Merry Christmas, Clark. 901 01:26:07,308 --> 01:26:10,141 You about ready to do some kissin'? 902 01:26:11,812 --> 01:26:14,577 Officer, it seems my husband has been abducted. 903 01:26:14,816 --> 01:26:18,479 The man was wearing a blue leisure suit... 904 01:26:19,988 --> 01:26:24,925 ...and the plates were from Kansas. He was a huge, beastly, bulging man. 905 01:26:25,260 --> 01:26:27,592 I have never been treated like this in my life. 906 01:26:27,829 --> 01:26:30,162 I'm sorry. This is our family's first kidnapping. 907 01:26:31,200 --> 01:26:32,428 You're fired. 908 01:26:32,835 --> 01:26:34,666 Where's the phone? I'm calling the police. 909 01:26:34,737 --> 01:26:36,728 Just hold your wad there, fella. 910 01:26:37,006 --> 01:26:40,840 Clark had nothin' to do with this. This here was my idea. 911 01:26:41,110 --> 01:26:44,672 All right. He's still fired and you are going to jail. 912 01:26:46,517 --> 01:26:48,109 It was my fault. 913 01:26:49,186 --> 01:26:53,350 I lost my temper when I got my bonus and I said a few things I shouldn't have. 914 01:26:53,524 --> 01:26:58,188 Bonus? How did you get a bonus? I cut out bonuses this year. 915 01:26:59,364 --> 01:27:00,888 Thanks for telling us. 916 01:27:00,965 --> 01:27:04,298 I was expecting a check. Instead I got enrolled in a jelly club. 917 01:27:04,869 --> 01:27:08,862 In 17 years with the company, I've gotten a bonus every year, but this one. 918 01:27:09,207 --> 01:27:11,141 You don't want to give bonuses, fine! 919 01:27:11,309 --> 01:27:13,675 When people count on them as part of their salary... 920 01:27:13,912 --> 01:27:15,642 What you did just plain... 921 01:27:15,781 --> 01:27:16,839 Sucks. 922 01:27:18,717 --> 01:27:20,048 Thank you, Russ. 923 01:27:23,722 --> 01:27:26,555 My cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain... 924 01:27:26,825 --> 01:27:28,383 I appreciate that. 925 01:27:29,728 --> 01:27:32,823 ...is innocent. I'll be more than happy to take the rap on this... 926 01:27:33,233 --> 01:27:37,226 ...on behalf of myself and every other employee you rear-ended this Christmas. 927 01:27:59,360 --> 01:28:02,262 Sometimes things look good on paper, but... 928 01:28:02,531 --> 01:28:06,433 ...lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. 929 01:28:07,436 --> 01:28:09,927 A healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if... 930 01:28:10,005 --> 01:28:13,099 ...to get it, you have to hurt the ones you depend on. 931 01:28:15,277 --> 01:28:19,772 It's people that make the difference. Little people, like you. 932 01:28:22,385 --> 01:28:24,376 So, Carl... 933 01:28:26,122 --> 01:28:28,147 ...whatever you got last year... 934 01:28:28,791 --> 01:28:31,123 ...add 20 percent. 935 01:29:24,184 --> 01:29:26,175 Go away, Todd. 936 01:29:27,320 --> 01:29:31,848 If you want to come in, you are gonna have to break down the goddamn door! 937 01:29:43,037 --> 01:29:46,200 Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! 938 01:29:57,720 --> 01:29:58,880 Freeze! 939 01:30:01,056 --> 01:30:02,887 Not you! Them! 940 01:30:12,736 --> 01:30:14,067 This way, please. 941 01:30:17,073 --> 01:30:19,007 I think you've made a terrible mistake. 942 01:30:19,342 --> 01:30:20,833 I told you to freeze, mister. 943 01:30:21,078 --> 01:30:22,306 May we blink? 944 01:30:29,086 --> 01:30:32,078 - Thank God you're all right. - I'm fine. I'm just fine. 945 01:30:32,423 --> 01:30:34,414 There was a big misunderstanding tonight. 946 01:30:34,959 --> 01:30:39,397 Excuse me. Would you and Mrs. Shirley like to step outside so we can finish here? 947 01:30:40,432 --> 01:30:43,026 - Don't bother. I'm not pressing charges. - What? 948 01:30:44,102 --> 01:30:45,399 It was a mistake. 949 01:30:45,470 --> 01:30:48,200 Mistake? Honey, you were kidnapped. 950 01:30:48,540 --> 01:30:50,599 I did something I shouldn't have... 951 01:30:50,776 --> 01:30:55,373 ...and these people called me on it. This is Clark Griswold and his family. 952 01:30:55,782 --> 01:30:57,272 Welcome to our home. 953 01:30:58,618 --> 01:31:00,017 What's left of it. 954 01:31:00,119 --> 01:31:01,484 Release B Squad. 955 01:31:01,788 --> 01:31:03,221 What's going on here? 956 01:31:03,456 --> 01:31:07,791 Remember how I was toying with the notion of suspending Christmas bonuses? 957 01:31:08,462 --> 01:31:09,793 You didn't. 958 01:31:10,063 --> 01:31:13,396 Of all the cheap, lousy ways to save a buck! 959 01:31:13,634 --> 01:31:15,067 That's pretty low, mister. 960 01:31:15,636 --> 01:31:17,228 If I had a rubber hose... 961 01:31:17,304 --> 01:31:19,636 I changed my mind. I'm reinstating all the bonuses. 962 01:31:25,246 --> 01:31:26,907 Look! 963 01:31:29,317 --> 01:31:30,477 Look! 964 01:31:37,158 --> 01:31:38,820 It's Santy Claus. 965 01:31:42,665 --> 01:31:44,826 Uncle Clark, it's Santy Claus. 966 01:31:46,335 --> 01:31:48,030 It's the Christmas star. 967 01:31:48,504 --> 01:31:50,335 And that's all that matters tonight. 968 01:31:52,007 --> 01:31:55,842 Not bonuses or gifts or turkeys or trees. 969 01:31:56,446 --> 01:31:57,777 See, kids... 970 01:31:58,782 --> 01:32:01,182 It means something different to everybody. 971 01:32:03,453 --> 01:32:05,250 Now I know what it means to me. 972 01:32:07,190 --> 01:32:09,523 That ain't the frigging Christmas star. 973 01:32:09,694 --> 01:32:12,857 It's the light on the sewage treatment plant. 974 01:32:13,130 --> 01:32:14,461 Sewer gas. 975 01:32:16,467 --> 01:32:17,832 Don't drop that! 976 01:32:27,880 --> 01:32:30,371 "And the rocket's red glare 977 01:32:31,383 --> 01:32:34,546 "The bombs bursting in air 978 01:32:35,320 --> 01:32:37,550 "Gave proof through the night 979 01:32:38,657 --> 01:32:42,150 "That our flag was still there 980 01:32:43,229 --> 01:32:45,390 "Oh, say does that 981 01:32:45,465 --> 01:32:50,061 "Star-spangled banner yet wave 982 01:32:52,405 --> 01:32:55,397 "O'er the land of the free 983 01:32:58,078 --> 01:33:02,071 "And the home of the brave?" 984 01:33:06,587 --> 01:33:08,179 Play ball! 985 01:33:16,264 --> 01:33:18,255 Merry Christmas, Sparky. 986 01:33:19,267 --> 01:33:20,894 Merry Christmas, honey. 987 01:33:50,000 --> 01:33:51,126 I did it.