1 00:06:28,047 --> 00:06:29,765 You want to talk with me, doctor? 2 00:06:30,367 --> 00:06:32,607 Have you already met Mrs. Vogler? 3 00:06:32,607 --> 00:06:33,687 No, not yet. 4 00:06:33,687 --> 00:06:36,287 Then I will Briefly tell you about her and... 5 00:06:36,287 --> 00:06:38,960 ...why you were appointed to look after her. 6 00:06:40,247 --> 00:06:42,887 As you knows, Mrs. Vogler is actress, 7 00:06:42,887 --> 00:06:45,606 and played in the last performance of Electra. 8 00:06:46,487 --> 00:06:48,847 In the middle of the scene she became silent... 9 00:06:48,847 --> 00:06:50,607 and she looked around surprised. 10 00:06:50,607 --> 00:06:53,201 She remained shut up during a minute. 11 00:07:05,647 --> 00:07:10,357 Afterwards she apologized her colleagues saying that she had got the giggles. 12 00:07:11,247 --> 00:07:13,247 Next day the called from the theater asking if... 13 00:07:13,247 --> 00:07:15,522 she had forgotten her rehearsal. 14 00:07:15,847 --> 00:07:17,807 15 00:07:17,807 --> 00:07:19,447 The house keeper found her still in bed. 16 00:07:19,447 --> 00:07:22,484 She was wide-awake, but she did not respond to his questions and did not move. 17 00:07:23,887 --> 00:07:26,567 She has been like that three months 18 00:07:26,567 --> 00:07:29,035 She has gone through all the possible examinations. 19 00:07:29,487 --> 00:07:31,807 The result is clear: she is totally healthy, 20 00:07:31,807 --> 00:07:34,927 as much physical as psychically. 21 00:07:34,927 --> 00:07:38,397 Even a hysterical reaction she doesn't even have. 22 00:07:38,607 --> 00:07:40,837 Do you have any questions, sister Alma? 23 00:07:41,487 --> 00:07:42,527 If not? 24 00:07:42,527 --> 00:07:44,677 You can go to Mrs. Vogler now. 25 00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:54,763 Good morning, Mrs. Vogler. 26 00:07:56,327 --> 00:07:58,167 I am the sister Alma. 27 00:07:58,167 --> 00:08:01,796 I will be looking after you. 28 00:08:04,007 --> 00:08:06,362 Well, I will tell you something about myself. 29 00:08:06,607 --> 00:08:08,996 I am 25 years old and I am engaged. 30 00:08:09,607 --> 00:08:12,167 I am nurse for two years. 31 00:08:13,487 --> 00:08:15,682 My parents have a farm. 32 00:08:16,567 --> 00:08:19,604 My mother also was nurse before marrying. 33 00:08:21,607 --> 00:08:23,687 Maybe I will go and get your dinner. It looked really delicious today. 34 00:08:23,687 --> 00:08:27,282 Liver fried and Macedonian of fruits. It looked really delicious today. 35 00:08:28,247 --> 00:08:29,965 Another pillow? 36 00:08:30,487 --> 00:08:31,966 Is that comfortable? 37 00:08:38,327 --> 00:08:39,521 Sister Amal. 38 00:08:39,967 --> 00:08:41,844 Which is your first impression? 39 00:08:42,447 --> 00:08:44,563 I do not know what to say, doctor. 40 00:08:45,207 --> 00:08:48,647 First its face seemed gentle, almost childish. 41 00:08:48,647 --> 00:08:50,603 But then you see her eyes and everything. 42 00:08:51,727 --> 00:08:53,877 She has got such a strick look, I think. 43 00:08:54,887 --> 00:08:56,407 Well, maybe I shouldn't... 44 00:08:56,407 --> 00:08:58,557 What did you want to say? sister Amal? 45 00:08:59,167 --> 00:09:01,527 I thought to give up. 46 00:09:01,527 --> 00:09:03,995 Did she frighten you? 47 00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,118 Not exactly. 48 00:09:06,447 --> 00:09:10,127 I just thought that Mrs. Vogler... 49 00:09:10,127 --> 00:09:12,207 should have a nurse with more experience. 50 00:09:12,207 --> 00:09:14,846 - I may be mot able to cope with her. - In what way? 51 00:09:15,247 --> 00:09:17,477 - Mentally. - Mentally? 52 00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:22,607 If she won;t speak or move because she decides Not to 53 00:09:22,607 --> 00:09:24,367 Which it must be if she isn't ill... 54 00:09:24,367 --> 00:09:25,436 And? 55 00:09:25,807 --> 00:09:29,407 ...Then it shows that she is mentally very strong. 56 00:09:29,407 --> 00:09:30,999 I might not be equal to it. 57 00:09:33,167 --> 00:09:35,487 I thought you might like to look at the twilight, Mrs.. Vogler. 58 00:09:35,487 --> 00:09:37,443 I will close them later. 59 00:09:40,687 --> 00:09:42,484 Shall I turn on the radio? 60 00:09:42,847 --> 00:09:44,678 I think there is a play. 61 00:09:46,767 --> 00:09:48,997 Forgive me, my darling. 62 00:09:49,727 --> 00:09:51,957 Oh, you must forgive me. 63 00:09:52,727 --> 00:09:56,356 your forgiveness is all I crave. for give and I... 64 00:09:57,567 --> 00:10:01,560 What are you laughing at, Mrs. Vogler? Is the actress so funny? 65 00:10:02,207 --> 00:10:05,722 What do your know about mercy? What do you know? 66 00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:09,842 What do your know about mercy? 67 00:10:14,727 --> 00:10:17,924 I do not know much about acting, Mrs. Vogler. 68 00:10:18,447 --> 00:10:21,962 I like films and theater but I don't go very often. 69 00:10:23,087 --> 00:10:26,238 I feel a great admiration for artists. 70 00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:30,767 I believe that the art is very important in the life. 71 00:10:30,767 --> 00:10:34,396 Especially for people with problems. 72 00:10:36,207 --> 00:10:40,519 I shouldn't have talked with you like this. I slide on I freeze. 73 00:10:40,927 --> 00:10:42,883 I'll try to find some music. 74 00:10:44,407 --> 00:10:45,806 It that alright? 75 00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:50,916 Good night, Mrs. Vogler. sleeps well. 76 00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:39,035 Damn it! 77 00:12:47,047 --> 00:12:48,799 How strange. 78 00:12:49,327 --> 00:12:52,319 You can go around as you please... 79 00:12:52,567 --> 00:12:54,717 Do almost anything you like. 80 00:12:57,607 --> 00:13:00,963 I will marry Karl-Henrik and we will have a few children... 81 00:13:01,207 --> 00:13:02,526 ...whom I will raise. 82 00:13:04,127 --> 00:13:06,960 that is all determined. It is inside me. 83 00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:09,764 There is nothing to worry about. 84 00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:13,323 It is so safe. 85 00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,844 I have a work that I like and with that I am happy. 86 00:13:18,887 --> 00:13:20,286 That is another good thing, 87 00:13:21,247 --> 00:13:22,726 though in a different way. 88 00:13:24,087 --> 00:13:25,520 But it is good. 89 00:13:29,567 --> 00:13:30,795 It is good. 90 00:13:38,287 --> 00:13:41,040 I wonder myself what's actually wrong with her? 91 00:13:43,887 --> 00:13:46,117 Elisabet Vogler. 92 00:13:48,367 --> 00:13:49,800 Elisabet. 93 00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:54,127 today, between the artilleries American and survietnamitas 94 00:13:54,127 --> 00:13:55,967 and the desperate one guerrilla of the Vietcong 95 00:13:55,967 --> 00:13:57,927 that she attacked the vital coastal base. 96 00:13:57,927 --> 00:14:01,087 Airplanes of Navy and American Air Force in Quang 97 00:14:01,087 --> 00:14:04,967 they are bombing the positions of the Vietcong army in Tay Ninh. 98 00:14:04,967 --> 00:14:08,721 Today the airplanes have left in than 48 missions more bombing. 99 00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:12,327 In other actions, several battalions of troops of the U.S.A., 100 00:14:12,327 --> 00:14:15,637 they disembarked yesterday in the coast near? 101 00:14:19,327 --> 00:14:22,287 In this zone they were captured more than 2,000 vietcongs 102 00:14:22,287 --> 00:14:25,127 in the greater operation of the three last months. 103 00:14:25,127 --> 00:14:27,083 Today the street disturbances? 104 00:14:29,527 --> 00:14:33,918 ?that they have commanded to the courts to more than 141 vietcongs? 105 00:15:23,167 --> 00:15:25,317 It wants that it opens the letter to him, Mrs.. Vogler? 106 00:15:32,687 --> 00:15:34,279 would you like me to oepn the letter? 107 00:15:39,967 --> 00:15:41,446 Shall I read it? 108 00:15:50,247 --> 00:15:55,647 "Dear Elisabet: since I can't see you, I write to you. 109 00:15:55,647 --> 00:15:59,162 You don't have to read it if you don' want to. 110 00:16:01,407 --> 00:16:05,927 I cannot avoid to look for this contact with you, 111 00:16:05,927 --> 00:16:09,367 since I am tormented continuously by a question: 112 00:16:09,367 --> 00:16:14,521 I have hurt to you of some way? I have hurt you without knowing it? 113 00:16:15,687 --> 00:16:19,760 Has some misunderstanding come between us? " 114 00:16:25,447 --> 00:16:27,722 Do you want me to read more? 115 00:16:35,767 --> 00:16:38,847 "As far as I know we were happy. 116 00:16:38,847 --> 00:16:43,238 We never had been so close. 117 00:16:44,887 --> 00:16:46,923 You remember when you said: 118 00:16:47,647 --> 00:16:51,435 "Now I understand what is the marriage "? 119 00:16:52,087 --> 00:16:54,601 You have taught me?" 120 00:16:54,887 --> 00:16:56,366 I can't see what is says. 121 00:16:59,127 --> 00:17:06,522 Yes. now I can see you've taught me that we must look at each other, like we were two anxious children... 122 00:17:07,087 --> 00:17:10,796 ...Full of good will and the best intentions, 123 00:17:11,727 --> 00:17:13,046 but... 124 00:17:15,287 --> 00:17:19,644 But ruled by forces that we only controlled partially. 125 00:17:20,367 --> 00:17:23,040 You remember saying all this? 126 00:17:24,207 --> 00:17:26,727 We walked by the forest 127 00:17:26,727 --> 00:17:29,195 and you stopped and grabbed at my belt." 128 00:17:37,207 --> 00:17:40,040 Also there is a photography with the letter. 129 00:17:40,887 --> 00:17:44,243 It is a photography of your son. I do not know if? 130 00:17:45,287 --> 00:17:47,198 you would like to see it, Mrs. Vogler? 131 00:17:49,207 --> 00:17:51,516 It seems a very sweet boy. 132 00:18:22,287 --> 00:18:24,367 I have been thinking, Elisabet, 133 00:18:24,367 --> 00:18:27,598 and I do not think it's a good idea for you to stay at the hospital any longer. 134 00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,525 I believe that it is detrimental. 135 00:18:29,927 --> 00:18:32,847 As you do not want to return to home, you and the sister Amal 136 00:18:32,847 --> 00:18:35,520 you can go to my house of the coast, eh? 137 00:18:38,287 --> 00:18:40,357 I understand all right. 138 00:18:41,007 --> 00:18:43,807 The hopeless dream of being. 139 00:18:43,807 --> 00:18:46,321 not to seem, but of being. 140 00:18:48,047 --> 00:18:52,086 at everywaking moment. alert. 141 00:18:53,087 --> 00:18:54,527 At the same time, 142 00:18:54,527 --> 00:18:57,883 What you are with others and what you are alone. 143 00:18:58,207 --> 00:19:01,807 the vertigo feeling and the constant hunger 144 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,843 to be exposed, 145 00:19:04,927 --> 00:19:08,158 To be seen through... 146 00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:10,764 perhaps even wiped out. 147 00:19:12,367 --> 00:19:15,967 Each word a lie, each gesture a falsification, 148 00:19:15,967 --> 00:19:17,605 each smile a grimace. 149 00:19:18,807 --> 00:19:19,842 To commit suicide? 150 00:19:21,447 --> 00:19:24,484 Oh, no! That is horrible. 151 00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:26,640 You would not do that. 152 00:19:27,247 --> 00:19:30,647 But you can refuse to move refuse to talk. 153 00:19:30,647 --> 00:19:32,807 At least you don't have to lie then. 154 00:19:32,807 --> 00:19:36,367 You can shut yourself in and stop playing games. 155 00:19:36,367 --> 00:19:38,167 Thus you will not have to... 156 00:19:38,167 --> 00:19:41,239 show any faces and wrong gestures 157 00:19:41,487 --> 00:19:42,886 That's what you think. 158 00:19:44,247 --> 00:19:46,567 But, you see? The reality it is diablical, 159 00:19:46,567 --> 00:19:49,320 your hiding place is not water-tight. 160 00:19:49,487 --> 00:19:51,921 The life tickles in from outside. 161 00:19:55,407 --> 00:19:57,318 You are forced to react. 162 00:19:58,647 --> 00:20:02,247 Nobody question if it is real or unreal, if you are true or false. 163 00:20:02,247 --> 00:20:07,162 The question only matters in the theater. 164 00:20:07,367 --> 00:20:09,244 And hardly even there. 165 00:20:10,647 --> 00:20:12,638 I understand to you, Elisabet. 166 00:20:13,007 --> 00:20:16,124 I understand that you are in silence, that you are immovable, 167 00:20:16,447 --> 00:20:20,156 that you have created of apathy a brilliant play. 168 00:20:21,047 --> 00:20:23,242 I understand to you and I admire you. 169 00:20:24,727 --> 00:20:28,436 I believe that you should go on until you lose yur interest, 170 00:20:29,327 --> 00:20:31,447 until it stops being interesting. 171 00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:33,127 Then you will be able to leave it. 172 00:20:33,127 --> 00:20:37,837 ...like you've left all your other parts. 173 00:20:42,047 --> 00:20:45,527 Mrs. Vogler and the sister they went to the doctor's summer house. 174 00:20:45,527 --> 00:20:47,119 by end of summer. 175 00:20:47,687 --> 00:20:51,680 To be near the sea produced a favorable effect in the actress. 176 00:20:52,087 --> 00:20:56,527 The apathy starts to disappear, thanks to long walks, 177 00:20:56,527 --> 00:20:57,927 fishing, cooking, 178 00:20:57,927 --> 00:21:00,566 letter writing and other entertainments. 179 00:21:01,247 --> 00:21:03,847 The sister Alma enjoyed her rustic isolation... 180 00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:06,566 and takes good care of her patient. 181 00:21:47,367 --> 00:21:50,439 You do not know that it gives bad luck to compare the hands? 182 00:22:08,287 --> 00:22:09,606 Elisabet, 183 00:22:10,407 --> 00:22:12,796 Can I read you a little bit from my book? 184 00:22:13,167 --> 00:22:16,045 Or I am bothering to you? It says here: 185 00:22:16,527 --> 00:22:19,447 "All the anxiety that we took with us, 186 00:22:19,447 --> 00:22:23,207 our hopeless dreams, the incomprehensible cruelty, 187 00:22:23,207 --> 00:22:25,562 our fear to the extinction, 188 00:22:25,767 --> 00:22:28,327 painful inner glance a our earthly condition, 189 00:22:29,367 --> 00:22:32,047 they have made out hope... 190 00:22:32,047 --> 00:22:33,878 ...and any other salvation. 191 00:22:35,007 --> 00:22:38,920 The cries of our faith and the doubt against the dark and silence 192 00:22:39,647 --> 00:22:43,567 are one of the most terrible proofs of our desolation 193 00:22:43,567 --> 00:22:47,196 and ourfightening awareness." 194 00:22:48,727 --> 00:22:50,206 You think it is like that? 195 00:22:54,767 --> 00:22:56,644 I do not think it's true. 196 00:22:57,967 --> 00:22:59,400 Cambiar? 197 00:22:59,447 --> 00:23:04,047 My worse trouble is the laziness and later I have remorses. 198 00:23:04,047 --> 00:23:06,367 Karl-Henrik nags me by my lack of ambition. 199 00:23:06,367 --> 00:23:08,647 He says that I walk that way like a sleepwalker. 200 00:23:08,647 --> 00:23:10,607 I believe that it is unfair. 201 00:23:10,607 --> 00:23:13,405 In the final test I was of the best ones of my group. 202 00:23:13,807 --> 00:23:16,162 But surely he means something else. 203 00:23:17,927 --> 00:23:18,916 You? 204 00:23:19,647 --> 00:23:22,957 Pardon. You know what I think sometimes? 205 00:23:23,687 --> 00:23:25,847 In the hospital where I graduate 206 00:23:25,847 --> 00:23:28,407 there is a home for old nurses. 207 00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:33,527 Those who have been nurses for all of their lives. Always in uniform. 208 00:23:34,127 --> 00:23:36,047 They live in their small rooms. 209 00:23:36,047 --> 00:23:39,119 Imag��nate all your life dedicated to something. 210 00:23:40,767 --> 00:23:44,047 I mean, believing in something, fulfilling something, 211 00:23:44,047 --> 00:23:46,607 thinking that your life has a meaning. 212 00:23:46,887 --> 00:23:48,843 To me I like the things. 213 00:23:49,087 --> 00:23:52,167 To hold something firm, without importarte nothing. 214 00:23:52,167 --> 00:23:53,805 It would have to become. 215 00:23:54,047 --> 00:23:56,641 To mean something for the others. 216 00:23:56,967 --> 00:23:58,605 You do not think the same? 217 00:24:02,847 --> 00:24:06,317 I know that it seems childish, but I believe in it. 218 00:24:07,727 --> 00:24:10,161 God mine, what a down pour! 219 00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:12,561 Ah, yes! 220 00:24:12,927 --> 00:24:14,407 He was married. 221 00:24:14,407 --> 00:24:16,647 We maintained a relation of five years. 222 00:24:16,647 --> 00:24:18,797 Later he got tired, of course. 223 00:24:19,567 --> 00:24:23,321 I was very in love, he was my first one. 224 00:24:23,527 --> 00:24:26,917 I remember it as a long torment. 225 00:24:28,007 --> 00:24:30,999 Long periods of pain and later short moments that... 226 00:24:32,567 --> 00:24:35,607 Learning to smoke made me think of him. 227 00:24:35,607 --> 00:24:37,518 he smoked like a chimney. 228 00:24:38,327 --> 00:24:40,567 Thinking it now, he is really banal, 229 00:24:40,567 --> 00:24:42,398 a cheap fiction. 230 00:24:44,807 --> 00:24:47,879 In some strange way, it was never quite real. 231 00:24:48,967 --> 00:24:51,117 I do not know how to describe it. 232 00:24:51,847 --> 00:24:54,884 At least, I never was very real for him. 233 00:24:55,727 --> 00:24:58,446 My pain was real, that's for sure. 234 00:25:00,167 --> 00:25:03,207 In some strange way it seemed part of it, 235 00:25:03,207 --> 00:25:04,879 but of a way disgusting, 236 00:25:05,287 --> 00:25:08,807 Like it was meant to be like that. 237 00:25:08,807 --> 00:25:11,446 Even the things that we said ourselves to each other? 238 00:25:18,047 --> 00:25:21,207 Much people have said to me that I am good listener. 239 00:25:21,207 --> 00:25:22,959 strange, eh? 240 00:25:23,247 --> 00:25:25,927 Nobody has never been bothered in listening to me. 241 00:25:25,927 --> 00:25:28,967 Like you do now. You are listening. 242 00:25:28,967 --> 00:25:32,277 I believe that you are the first person that has listened to me. 243 00:25:32,687 --> 00:25:37,127 It cannot be too interesting. It would more be worth to you to read a book. 244 00:25:37,127 --> 00:25:39,925 God, and I follow. I am not bothering to you? 245 00:25:40,647 --> 00:25:42,607 It is so pleasant to speak. 246 00:25:42,607 --> 00:25:44,567 So warm one feels one and so well. 247 00:25:44,567 --> 00:25:47,286 I've never been in this mood before. 248 00:25:49,687 --> 00:25:51,487 I always wanted a sister 249 00:25:51,487 --> 00:25:54,007 and I only have a pile of brothers. Seven. 250 00:25:54,007 --> 00:25:56,327 Funny, eh? And later I arrived. 251 00:25:56,327 --> 00:25:59,558 All my life been I have surrounded of boys. 252 00:26:00,487 --> 00:26:02,239 I like the boys, 253 00:26:02,887 --> 00:26:06,846 but you would have to know that with all your experience of actress. 254 00:26:08,247 --> 00:26:10,363 Karl-Henrik I really like. 255 00:26:11,287 --> 00:26:14,006 But, already you know, you love only once. 256 00:26:14,247 --> 00:26:15,885 I am faithful to him. 257 00:26:16,327 --> 00:26:19,524 In my profession there are opportunities, I can tell you about. 258 00:26:23,327 --> 00:26:26,444 Karl-Henrik and I had rented a house next to the sea. 259 00:26:26,927 --> 00:26:29,600 It was June and we were totally alone. 260 00:26:31,447 --> 00:26:36,043 One day, Karl-Henrik had to go to the city, I went alone to the beach. 261 00:26:36,367 --> 00:26:38,676 It was really well. 262 00:26:40,607 --> 00:26:43,047 Also there was another girl. 263 00:26:43,047 --> 00:26:46,447 She lived in a near island, but she had paddled to our beach 264 00:26:46,447 --> 00:26:50,122 because he was oriented to the south and she was more unconstrained. 265 00:26:51,007 --> 00:26:54,967 We eased up taking the sun bath completely naked. 266 00:26:54,967 --> 00:26:58,926 We slept a little, and later we woke up again. 267 00:27:00,167 --> 00:27:04,763 We wore those cheap straw hats. 268 00:27:05,127 --> 00:27:07,925 Mine it had a blue ribbon. 269 00:27:10,327 --> 00:27:13,478 So I lied there peeping out... 270 00:27:13,767 --> 00:27:17,316 at the landscape, the sea and the sun. 271 00:27:17,767 --> 00:27:19,519 It was very odd. 272 00:27:25,367 --> 00:27:29,883 Suddenly I saw two figures behind the rocks of upon us. 273 00:27:31,247 --> 00:27:34,239 They hid and they spied once in a while. 274 00:27:34,847 --> 00:27:37,767 "There are two boys watching us", I said to her. 275 00:27:37,767 --> 00:27:39,644 Her name was Katarina. 276 00:27:40,807 --> 00:27:44,402 "Good, Let them watch", she said. And the return occurred. 277 00:27:45,967 --> 00:27:48,481 It was a very strange sensation. 278 00:27:48,927 --> 00:27:53,398 I wanted to run and to get dressed, but I just lied there. 279 00:27:53,727 --> 00:27:56,367 mouth down, with the buttock to the air, 280 00:27:56,367 --> 00:27:59,643 totally ashamed, totally quiet. 281 00:28:02,327 --> 00:28:05,247 All along I had Katarina to my side, 282 00:28:05,247 --> 00:28:08,125 with her breasts and thighs. 283 00:28:08,647 --> 00:28:12,003 She just lied there giggling by herself. 284 00:28:14,967 --> 00:28:18,127 Suddenly I saw that the boys they had approached and they watched to us. 285 00:28:18,127 --> 00:28:20,004 I saw that they were terribly young. 286 00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:23,442 Then, one of them, 287 00:28:25,047 --> 00:28:26,719 boldest, 288 00:28:27,047 --> 00:28:29,607 even approached where we were 289 00:28:29,607 --> 00:28:33,156 and sat next to Katarina. 290 00:28:33,807 --> 00:28:38,801 He pretended he was busy with foot and started to prick between his toes. 291 00:28:40,927 --> 00:28:43,487 I felt totally strange. 292 00:28:45,287 --> 00:28:47,482 I suddenly heard Katarina saying: 293 00:28:49,407 --> 00:28:51,967 "Hey you. can you come here for a minute?" 294 00:28:52,527 --> 00:28:56,520 Then she helped him to undress. 295 00:28:56,927 --> 00:28:59,847 Suddenly, he was on her, 296 00:28:59,847 --> 00:29:02,998 She showed him how and held his fanny. 297 00:29:04,767 --> 00:29:07,964 The other boy simply seated, observing. 298 00:29:08,887 --> 00:29:12,721 I heard Katarina whispering and laughing. 299 00:29:13,767 --> 00:29:16,645 I had the face of the boy to my side. 300 00:29:17,327 --> 00:29:20,637 It was all red and puffy. 301 00:29:22,807 --> 00:29:27,403 I turned over and I said suddenly: "you are not going to also come with me" 302 00:29:28,167 --> 00:29:31,079 Katarina said: "Yes go to her now". 303 00:29:31,247 --> 00:29:36,082 And he left her and fell on me, roughly. 304 00:29:36,567 --> 00:29:40,845 He took hold one of my breasts. God, how it hurt! 305 00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:46,440 I finished at once, can you imagine. 306 00:29:47,527 --> 00:29:51,406 I was going to say to him to be careful not to make me pregnant, 307 00:29:52,087 --> 00:29:54,965 when he finished. I felt? 308 00:29:55,247 --> 00:30:00,275 I felt, for the first time in the life, how it was spilled within me. 309 00:30:01,527 --> 00:30:04,607 He gripped me and bent backwards. 310 00:30:04,607 --> 00:30:07,075 I came time and time again. 311 00:30:10,127 --> 00:30:14,518 Katarina lay of side, watching, and held him from behind. 312 00:30:17,207 --> 00:30:21,962 When he finished, she finished herself off with her hand. 313 00:30:23,767 --> 00:30:26,918 When she did she screamed shrill. 314 00:30:33,967 --> 00:30:36,322 Then the three we began to laugh. 315 00:30:36,527 --> 00:30:39,527 We called to the other boy that was seated. 316 00:30:39,527 --> 00:30:41,324 Peter was called. 317 00:30:45,887 --> 00:30:49,766 He came down all dazed and shivering in the sun. 318 00:30:52,847 --> 00:30:54,687 Katarina undid his trousers 319 00:30:54,687 --> 00:30:56,837 and she began to play with him. 320 00:30:57,647 --> 00:30:59,956 taking his fanny into her mouth. 321 00:31:02,047 --> 00:31:04,959 He bent over and started to kiss her back. 322 00:31:05,247 --> 00:31:08,247 She turned around and held his head with both hands 323 00:31:08,247 --> 00:31:09,527 and she offered her breasts to him. 324 00:31:09,527 --> 00:31:11,287 The other boy was so excited, 325 00:31:11,287 --> 00:31:13,437 so he and I we began again. 326 00:31:15,087 --> 00:31:16,918 It was as good as the first time. 327 00:31:19,727 --> 00:31:22,207 Later we swam and we left. 328 00:31:22,207 --> 00:31:25,358 When I returned to house, Karl-Henrik he had already returned. 329 00:31:28,687 --> 00:31:32,475 We had supper together and we drank the red wine that he brought. 330 00:31:34,527 --> 00:31:36,597 Later we lay down together. 331 00:31:37,487 --> 00:31:40,843 It had never been so good, neither before nor since then. 332 00:31:41,567 --> 00:31:42,317 You can understand it? 333 00:31:43,207 --> 00:31:45,675 I got pregnant, of course. 334 00:31:47,287 --> 00:31:51,917 Karl-Henrik, who studies medicine, he took me to a friend and I aborted. 335 00:31:53,647 --> 00:31:57,196 Both we were contentments. We did not love children. 336 00:31:57,767 --> 00:31:59,883 At least not then. 337 00:32:06,087 --> 00:32:07,918 It does not make any sense. 338 00:32:09,247 --> 00:32:11,477 He and I did not fit. 339 00:32:12,487 --> 00:32:15,447 And then you get bad conscience for nothing, 340 00:32:15,447 --> 00:32:17,438 you understand it? 341 00:32:17,767 --> 00:32:20,727 What happens to the things you decided to do? 342 00:32:20,727 --> 00:32:22,843 It is not necessary? 343 00:32:25,127 --> 00:32:28,802 Can you be two person at once? 344 00:32:29,047 --> 00:32:31,647 I mean, I mean to be two people. 345 00:32:31,647 --> 00:32:33,797 God, what idiot I am! 346 00:32:34,967 --> 00:32:38,118 Anyway, It's not a reason to start howling. 347 00:32:38,887 --> 00:32:41,447 Delay, I am going to take a handkerchief. 348 00:33:01,887 --> 00:33:03,764 It already is at dawn 349 00:33:04,647 --> 00:33:06,683 and it continues raining. 350 00:33:13,367 --> 00:33:15,887 It imagines, I have been speaking without stopping. 351 00:33:15,887 --> 00:33:18,127 I have spoken and you have listened to me. 352 00:33:18,127 --> 00:33:19,967 What boredom for you! 353 00:33:19,967 --> 00:33:22,845 What interest can have my life for you? 354 00:33:23,567 --> 00:33:25,558 I would have to be like you. 355 00:33:28,647 --> 00:33:31,807 You know what I thought when I saw your film that night? 356 00:33:31,807 --> 00:33:36,278 When I arrived at home, I saw myself in mirror and I thought: "we are alike". 357 00:33:37,847 --> 00:33:39,687 You are much prettier 358 00:33:39,687 --> 00:33:41,359 but we look like. 359 00:33:41,807 --> 00:33:45,720 I believe that I could turn me to you, 360 00:33:46,647 --> 00:33:48,205 I mean the inside. 361 00:33:50,287 --> 00:33:53,916 You could change yourself to be me, like this. 362 00:33:54,607 --> 00:33:56,487 Although your soul would be much greater. 363 00:33:56,487 --> 00:33:58,762 It would overflow throughout. 364 00:34:02,767 --> 00:34:07,443 You must go to bed, if no, you will fall asleep in the table. 365 00:34:20,407 --> 00:34:24,878 No, I must lie down, if no, I will fall asleep in the table 366 00:34:25,287 --> 00:34:27,596 and that would be just a little bit uncomfortable. 367 00:34:31,287 --> 00:34:32,481 Good night. 368 00:37:25,847 --> 00:37:27,439 Elisabet? 369 00:37:30,087 --> 00:37:32,157 You spoke to me last night? 370 00:38:02,567 --> 00:38:04,478 Last night you were in my room? 371 00:38:45,967 --> 00:38:47,958 Shall I take your mail? 372 00:38:49,367 --> 00:38:51,005 ? 373 00:38:53,087 --> 00:38:54,281 Good bye. 374 00:39:58,527 --> 00:40:01,287 "Dear doctor: Always I had wanted to live thus. 375 00:40:01,287 --> 00:40:03,687 To be silent, to live isolated, 376 00:40:03,687 --> 00:40:06,087 to feel the mistreated soul 377 00:40:06,087 --> 00:40:08,078 finally begins to cure itself. 378 00:40:13,287 --> 00:40:16,404 Alma is fond of me the most stirring way. 379 00:40:18,447 --> 00:40:21,087 I think, by the way, that it is enjoying 380 00:40:21,087 --> 00:40:22,887 and that I fall enough good to her, 381 00:40:22,887 --> 00:40:27,287 it is even excited of a delicious and unconscious way. 382 00:40:27,287 --> 00:40:29,676 It is funny to study her. 383 00:40:38,687 --> 00:40:40,687 Sometimes she cries by sins of the past, 384 00:40:40,687 --> 00:40:43,687 like an orgy with a unknown boy 385 00:40:43,687 --> 00:40:45,087 followed by an abortion. 386 00:40:45,087 --> 00:40:47,487 She claims her idea of life 387 00:40:47,487 --> 00:40:49,921 they do not agree with her actions " 388 00:46:20,647 --> 00:46:22,558 I see that you are reading a play. 389 00:46:23,087 --> 00:46:25,999 It is a good signal. I will report it to the doctor. 390 00:46:29,527 --> 00:46:31,687 don't you think that we should leave this place soon? 391 00:46:31,687 --> 00:46:34,804 I begin to lmiss the city. Don't you? 392 00:46:51,007 --> 00:46:53,601 Will you do me a favor? 393 00:46:54,767 --> 00:46:58,442 I know that it is a sacrifice, but I need your aid right now. 394 00:46:59,207 --> 00:47:02,802 It is not nothing dangerous. I want that you speak to me. 395 00:47:03,447 --> 00:47:06,447 It does not have to be nothing special. Any thing. 396 00:47:06,447 --> 00:47:09,086 What we are going to eat 397 00:47:09,167 --> 00:47:11,807 or if you think that the water is cold after the storm 398 00:47:11,807 --> 00:47:14,407 or too much fry to swim. 399 00:47:14,407 --> 00:47:16,762 We would only have to speak for one minutes. 400 00:47:16,847 --> 00:47:19,887 A minute. You can read it of your book. 401 00:47:19,887 --> 00:47:20,956 Only a few words. 402 00:47:24,087 --> 00:47:27,204 I must try not to be angry. You it follows in silence, that is yours. 403 00:47:28,327 --> 00:47:30,761 But now I need that you speak to me. 404 00:47:33,767 --> 00:47:36,759 My dear woman, you cannot to say a simple word? 405 00:47:39,647 --> 00:47:41,205 I knew that you would refuse. 406 00:47:42,807 --> 00:47:45,082 You cannot know how I feel. 407 00:47:46,407 --> 00:47:49,207 I have always thought that the great artist felt 408 00:47:49,207 --> 00:47:51,243 great compassion by the others, 409 00:47:52,367 --> 00:47:54,887 that they created from a great sense of the compassion 410 00:47:54,887 --> 00:47:56,843 and of the necessity to help. 411 00:47:57,127 --> 00:47:58,640 But that was stupid. 412 00:48:02,567 --> 00:48:04,407 You have used me! 413 00:48:04,407 --> 00:48:07,524 Now that you do not need me you throw me away immediately! 414 00:48:09,047 --> 00:48:12,727 Yes, I konw hoe it sounds, how false it sounds! 415 00:48:12,727 --> 00:48:15,087 You have used me and now you throw me away! 416 00:48:15,087 --> 00:48:18,079 It has come to that! Every single word! 417 00:48:26,807 --> 00:48:28,638 You have really hurt me. 418 00:48:29,527 --> 00:48:32,041 You have laughed me behind my backs. 419 00:48:33,887 --> 00:48:37,767 I read the letter that you sent to the doctor, was not sealed. 420 00:48:37,767 --> 00:48:40,327 And I read everything! 421 00:48:42,127 --> 00:48:44,083 You made me speak ! 422 00:48:44,327 --> 00:48:46,807 You made me say things that I never told anybody. 423 00:48:46,807 --> 00:48:49,687 What a study, eh? 424 00:48:49,687 --> 00:48:51,040 You are not? 425 00:48:51,727 --> 00:48:55,087 Then now you are going to speak, if you have something to say! 426 00:48:55,087 --> 00:48:56,600 You'll damn well. 427 00:49:09,727 --> 00:49:10,921 No, don't! 428 00:49:22,567 --> 00:49:24,797 Really you were scared, eh? 429 00:49:26,647 --> 00:49:30,242 During a second you have been truely scared, no? 430 00:49:30,927 --> 00:49:33,487 A true fear to the death, eh? 431 00:49:34,007 --> 00:49:36,362 You thought that Alma she had gone crazy. 432 00:49:36,687 --> 00:49:39,406 What kind of person you are after all? 433 00:49:39,967 --> 00:49:43,407 Or you think like this: "I will always remember that face, 434 00:49:43,407 --> 00:49:45,887 that tone of voice, that expression." 435 00:49:45,887 --> 00:49:48,640 I will give you something that you will not forget! 436 00:50:09,447 --> 00:50:11,403 You laugh? 437 00:50:13,007 --> 00:50:15,601 For me it is not so simple? 438 00:50:15,927 --> 00:50:17,838 nor so funny. 439 00:50:18,807 --> 00:50:21,275 But you always have had your laugh. 440 00:51:42,847 --> 00:51:44,565 Does it have to be like this? 441 00:51:47,607 --> 00:51:50,367 It is really important not to lie, 442 00:51:50,367 --> 00:51:54,076 to speak the truth with real intonation? 443 00:51:54,727 --> 00:51:57,480 It is possible to be lived without speaking freely? 444 00:51:58,207 --> 00:52:02,280 without lying quibbling and making excuses? 445 00:52:03,407 --> 00:52:08,606 isn't it better to be blunt and lax, mendacious? 446 00:52:10,247 --> 00:52:14,320 Perhaps you would be a little better if you allowed yourself to be what you are. 447 00:52:18,247 --> 00:52:20,363 No, you do not understand it. 448 00:52:21,087 --> 00:52:24,397 You do not understand what I am saying. You are inaccessible. 449 00:52:24,847 --> 00:52:29,047 They said that you were sane , but your madness is the worse kind. 450 00:52:29,047 --> 00:52:30,687 You act as if you were healthy. 451 00:52:30,687 --> 00:52:33,247 You do it so well that all they all believe in you. 452 00:52:33,247 --> 00:52:36,080 All except I, because I know how rotten you are. 453 00:52:43,047 --> 00:52:44,036 What I am doing? 454 00:52:45,687 --> 00:52:47,086 Elisabet! 455 00:52:47,647 --> 00:52:49,603 Elisabet, forgive me! 456 00:52:49,767 --> 00:52:53,287 I have behaved like an idiot, I do not know what it has happened to me. 457 00:52:53,287 --> 00:52:58,167 I am here for help, but when I saw that horrible letter... 458 00:52:58,167 --> 00:53:03,366 I felt very disappointed. You encouraged me to talk. 459 00:53:04,007 --> 00:53:06,567 you looked so kind and understanding. 460 00:53:06,567 --> 00:53:08,047 I was so drunk. 461 00:53:08,047 --> 00:53:10,845 It was so nice to talk about everything. 462 00:53:11,167 --> 00:53:16,321 I was also flattered because a great actress listened to me. 463 00:53:16,887 --> 00:53:20,926 I thought that maybe things I said would help you. 464 00:53:22,367 --> 00:53:25,887 But is terrible, right? It's sheer exhibitionism! 465 00:53:25,887 --> 00:53:28,847 Elisabet, I want you to forgive me. 466 00:53:28,847 --> 00:53:32,087 I like you so much, you mean so much for me. 467 00:53:32,087 --> 00:53:35,682 I have learned much of you, I do not want that we separate like enemies. 468 00:53:58,007 --> 00:54:01,767 You do not want to forgive me! You are too proud! 469 00:54:01,767 --> 00:54:05,157 You will not condescend, because you do not have necessity to do it. 470 00:54:05,447 --> 00:54:08,723 I will not do it! I will not do it! 471 00:58:04,607 --> 00:58:06,607 We did not speak, 472 00:58:06,607 --> 00:58:09,519 we did not listen, we do not understand? 473 00:58:12,207 --> 00:58:13,765 Elisabet? 474 00:58:14,407 --> 00:58:17,285 What means can I make you listen? 475 00:58:59,927 --> 00:59:02,999 When you sleep you have the flabby face. 476 00:59:05,407 --> 00:59:07,921 The mouth is swollen and ugly. 477 00:59:10,927 --> 00:59:13,805 You have a evil wrinkle in the forehead. 478 00:59:21,167 --> 00:59:24,443 You smell of dream and tears. 479 00:59:27,847 --> 00:59:30,998 I see your pulse in the throat. 480 00:59:31,687 --> 00:59:33,927 You have a scar that normally covers with make-up. 481 00:59:33,927 --> 00:59:35,519 Elisabet! 482 00:59:37,607 --> 00:59:39,325 Elisabet! 483 00:59:40,407 --> 00:59:42,318 He is calling again. 484 00:59:43,887 --> 00:59:46,640 I will find out what he wants of us. 485 00:59:47,207 --> 00:59:50,005 Here, faraway, in our solitude. 486 01:00:12,047 --> 01:00:13,002 Elisabet! 487 01:00:14,407 --> 01:00:15,965 Elisabet? 488 01:00:16,247 --> 01:00:18,124 I am sorry if I have scared to you. 489 01:00:19,367 --> 01:00:21,198 I am not Elisabet. 490 01:00:21,567 --> 01:00:24,167 I do not demand anything. 491 01:00:24,167 --> 01:00:26,203 It did not want disturb you. 492 01:00:26,527 --> 01:00:28,279 You do not think that I understand it? 493 01:00:28,687 --> 01:00:30,882 The doctor explained things to me. 494 01:00:32,727 --> 01:00:35,844 But it's hard rto explain to your little boy. 495 01:00:36,207 --> 01:00:38,004 I do what I can. 496 01:00:39,847 --> 01:00:43,635 There is something deep down I can't reach. 497 01:00:44,887 --> 01:00:48,596 You love someone; or rather, you say you say you do. 498 01:00:49,287 --> 01:00:53,121 It is incomprehensible. Intangible, Obvious as words. 499 01:00:54,367 --> 01:00:57,757 Mr. Vogler, I am not your wife. 500 01:00:57,847 --> 01:01:00,127 You also are loved. 501 01:01:00,127 --> 01:01:02,567 You form a bond. 502 01:01:02,567 --> 01:01:04,637 It generates security. 503 01:01:04,927 --> 01:01:07,805 You see the chance to endure, it is not like that? 504 01:01:10,407 --> 01:01:14,647 How I can say everything I want without losing myself? 505 01:01:14,647 --> 01:01:16,524 without losing you? 506 01:01:24,247 --> 01:01:27,922 I love you, as much as ever. 507 01:01:34,367 --> 01:01:37,767 No, don't be so timid, my darling. 508 01:01:37,767 --> 01:01:39,527 We have each other. 509 01:01:39,527 --> 01:01:42,647 We have faith, we know our mutual thoughts. 510 01:01:42,647 --> 01:01:45,878 We are in love. Is certain, right? 511 01:01:46,447 --> 01:01:50,565 Most important it is the effort, not what we obtained, right? 512 01:01:53,447 --> 01:01:57,406 To see us like children. Defenseless, tormented, solitary? 513 01:01:58,087 --> 01:01:59,805 Elisabet? 514 01:01:59,927 --> 01:02:03,124 Tell your little boy that Mummy will soon be home. 515 01:02:03,727 --> 01:02:06,605 That mother has been ill, 516 01:02:07,487 --> 01:02:10,407 and is missing him. 517 01:02:10,407 --> 01:02:12,847 remembers to buy a gift to him from mother. 518 01:02:12,847 --> 01:02:15,839 Do you know how much affection I have for you? 519 01:02:18,927 --> 01:02:21,282 It is almost difficult to bear. 520 01:02:22,407 --> 01:02:25,080 I do not know what to do with my affection. 521 01:02:27,007 --> 01:02:29,316 I live on your affection. 522 01:02:30,887 --> 01:02:33,959 Elisabet, you like to be with me? 523 01:02:34,607 --> 01:02:36,006 is it pleasant? 524 01:02:38,567 --> 01:02:41,927 You are a wonderful lover, you know it. 525 01:02:41,927 --> 01:02:43,360 My darling? 526 01:02:45,287 --> 01:02:47,407 Give me an anaesthetic! throw me away! 527 01:02:47,407 --> 01:02:51,116 No, I cannot! I cannot bear it any more! 528 01:02:52,007 --> 01:02:55,967 Leave me alone! It is a shame! Everything is a shame! 529 01:02:55,967 --> 01:02:57,887 Leave me alone! 530 01:02:57,887 --> 01:03:00,959 I am cold, rotten and indifferent! 531 01:03:01,327 --> 01:03:04,319 Everything is lies and cheating! Everything! 532 01:03:11,127 --> 01:03:12,719 Elisabet, 533 01:03:13,247 --> 01:03:14,600 what there do you have? 534 01:03:15,527 --> 01:03:18,963 What you hide underneath the hand? Let me see it. 535 01:03:22,647 --> 01:03:26,276 It is the photo of your little boy, the one that there were broken. 536 01:03:26,927 --> 01:03:28,599 We have to talk about it. 537 01:03:36,567 --> 01:03:38,797 Tell me now, Elisabet. 538 01:03:39,927 --> 01:03:42,122 Or I will do it. 539 01:03:42,967 --> 01:03:45,800 It was one night in a celebration, right? 540 01:03:46,327 --> 01:03:48,795 It became late and quite noisy. 541 01:03:49,927 --> 01:03:53,078 In the small hours somebody said to you... 542 01:03:53,687 --> 01:03:56,007 "Elisabet, you have everything as a woman and as an artist. 543 01:03:56,007 --> 01:03:58,127 practically everything in your baggage, 544 01:03:58,127 --> 01:04:00,721 but you lack motherhood." 545 01:04:02,207 --> 01:04:04,880 You laught and thought it was quite silly. 546 01:04:05,847 --> 01:04:09,556 After awhile, you began to think about which he had said to you. 547 01:04:11,247 --> 01:04:13,556 It worried to you more and more. 548 01:04:14,367 --> 01:04:16,927 You your husband you make you pregnant. 549 01:04:17,087 --> 01:04:18,884 You wanted to be mother. 550 01:04:20,407 --> 01:04:23,604 When you knew that it was confirmed, you were scared. 551 01:04:23,887 --> 01:04:28,881 scared of the responsibility to you, scared of coming home from the theater... 552 01:04:29,807 --> 01:04:32,480 scared the pain and death, 553 01:04:32,647 --> 01:04:35,036 scared of the swollen body. 554 01:04:36,167 --> 01:04:38,527 But all the time you acted... 555 01:04:38,527 --> 01:04:41,883 The part of a future mother happy young person and. 556 01:04:43,167 --> 01:04:45,487 Everybody said: "How beautiful she is. 557 01:04:45,487 --> 01:04:48,047 she never has been so beautiful." 558 01:04:50,567 --> 01:04:54,116 While, you tried to abort several times. 559 01:04:55,207 --> 01:04:57,084 But you failed. 560 01:04:57,807 --> 01:04:59,807 When you realized it was too late, 561 01:04:59,807 --> 01:05:04,835 you began to hate the baby . 562 01:05:08,247 --> 01:05:11,159 You wished that the baby he was dead. 563 01:05:13,287 --> 01:05:15,755 You wished a dead baby. 564 01:05:20,487 --> 01:05:23,487 It was a long and difficult childbirth. 565 01:05:23,487 --> 01:05:25,557 You suffered during several days. 566 01:05:26,807 --> 01:05:29,287 Finally, the baby was born with f��rceps. 567 01:05:29,287 --> 01:05:33,527 You looked with horror at your deformed child and whispered: 568 01:05:33,527 --> 01:05:36,485 "can you die soon? Can't you die? " 569 01:05:38,487 --> 01:05:40,239 But he survived. 570 01:05:42,007 --> 01:05:44,441 The boy screamed day and night. 571 01:05:47,527 --> 01:05:49,358 And you hated it. 572 01:05:50,207 --> 01:05:53,882 You were scared and you had a bad conscience. 573 01:05:55,647 --> 01:05:59,356 Finally the boy was taken by relatives.. 574 01:05:59,847 --> 01:06:03,476 you could return to the theater. 575 01:06:06,527 --> 01:06:09,041 But the suffering had not finished. 576 01:06:10,047 --> 01:06:14,563 The boy was seized by a strange and violent love for his mother. 577 01:06:15,167 --> 01:06:17,047 You defend yourself. 578 01:06:17,047 --> 01:06:19,687 You defend yourself desperately. 579 01:06:19,687 --> 01:06:22,567 You feel that you cannot return it. 580 01:06:22,567 --> 01:06:25,684 So you try it and you try it, 581 01:06:26,127 --> 01:06:29,727 but your meeting with him are cruel and clumsy. 582 01:06:29,727 --> 01:06:34,005 You cannot do it. You are cold and indifferent. 583 01:06:34,607 --> 01:06:36,767 He watches to you. 584 01:06:36,767 --> 01:06:39,687 he loves to you and is so soft? 585 01:06:39,687 --> 01:06:43,157 You want to hit him, because he does not leave you peacefully. 586 01:06:44,047 --> 01:06:47,967 To you it seems to you repugnant, with its heavy mouth and its ugly body, 587 01:06:47,967 --> 01:06:50,527 with its humid eyes . 588 01:06:50,527 --> 01:06:53,041 He is repulsive and you are scared. 589 01:06:54,287 --> 01:06:58,280 What you hide underneath of the hand? 590 01:06:59,367 --> 01:07:01,323 Let me see it. 591 01:07:05,047 --> 01:07:08,278 It is the photo of your little boy, the one that there were broken. 592 01:07:08,807 --> 01:07:10,684 We must talk about it. 593 01:07:19,287 --> 01:07:21,596 Tell me now, Elisabet. 594 01:07:24,287 --> 01:07:26,676 or I will do it. 595 01:07:28,727 --> 01:07:31,764 It was one night in a party, right? 596 01:07:32,167 --> 01:07:34,840 It became late and it was very noisy. 597 01:07:36,167 --> 01:07:39,796 In the small hours somebody in the group said: 598 01:07:39,927 --> 01:07:42,527 "Elisabet, like woman and artist you have it 599 01:07:42,527 --> 01:07:44,887 practically everything in your baggage, 600 01:07:44,887 --> 01:07:47,481 but you lack motherhood." 601 01:07:48,887 --> 01:07:52,357 You laughed and thought it was quite silly. 602 01:07:53,047 --> 01:07:57,006 After awhile, you began to think about which it had said to you. 603 01:07:57,287 --> 01:07:59,357 It worried to you more and more. 604 01:08:00,327 --> 01:08:02,966 You your husband make you pregnant. 605 01:08:04,567 --> 01:08:06,603 You wanted to be mother. 606 01:08:09,087 --> 01:08:12,397 When you knew that it was confirmed, you were scared. 607 01:08:13,287 --> 01:08:15,517 you were scared the responsibility to you, 608 01:08:15,727 --> 01:08:19,037 Scared of coming home from the theater. 609 01:08:19,847 --> 01:08:22,520 scared the of the pain to you, the death, 610 01:08:22,727 --> 01:08:25,639 the one that your body was swollen. 611 01:08:27,527 --> 01:08:29,887 But all the time you act. 612 01:08:29,887 --> 01:08:33,323 The the part of a happy expecteant mother. 613 01:08:34,487 --> 01:08:36,847 Everybody said: "How beautiful she is. 614 01:08:36,847 --> 01:08:38,724 She never has been so beautiful." 615 01:08:40,087 --> 01:08:43,762 While, you tried to abort several times. 616 01:08:44,327 --> 01:08:46,079 But you failed. 617 01:08:47,887 --> 01:08:50,606 When you realized it was too late... 618 01:08:51,807 --> 01:08:54,116 you began to hate the baby 619 01:08:55,927 --> 01:08:58,885 and you wished that he was born dead. 620 01:09:01,887 --> 01:09:05,038 You wished that the baby he was dead. 621 01:09:08,807 --> 01:09:11,321 You wished a dead baby. 622 01:09:15,447 --> 01:09:18,200 It was a long and difficult delivery. 623 01:09:18,887 --> 01:09:21,117 You suffered for several days. 624 01:09:22,207 --> 01:09:24,767 Finally, the baby was born with f��rceps. 625 01:09:25,487 --> 01:09:29,687 You watched with terror at your deformed baby and you whispered: 626 01:09:29,687 --> 01:09:32,963 "can't die soon? Can't you die " 627 01:09:34,167 --> 01:09:36,601 The boy screamed day and night 628 01:09:36,807 --> 01:09:38,763 and you hated it. 629 01:09:39,527 --> 01:09:43,236 You were scared and you had a bad conscience. 630 01:09:45,047 --> 01:09:48,676 Finally the boy was taken in by the relatives. 631 01:09:49,207 --> 01:09:53,041 and you could go back to the theater. 632 01:09:55,047 --> 01:09:57,800 But your suffering was not over. 633 01:09:59,247 --> 01:10:03,479 The boy was saized by a strange and violent love for hiss mother. 634 01:10:04,647 --> 01:10:07,447 You defend yourself desperately. 635 01:10:07,447 --> 01:10:10,207 You feel that you cannot return it. 636 01:10:10,207 --> 01:10:12,641 So you try it and you try it, 637 01:10:13,807 --> 01:10:17,407 but your meeting with him are cruel and clumsy. 638 01:10:17,407 --> 01:10:19,284 You cannot do it. 639 01:10:19,887 --> 01:10:22,401 You are cold and indifferent. 640 01:10:23,047 --> 01:10:24,878 He looks at you. 641 01:10:25,287 --> 01:10:28,207 His loves to you and is so soft? 642 01:10:28,207 --> 01:10:31,483 You want to hit him because he does not leave you peacefully. 643 01:10:32,567 --> 01:10:36,487 To you he seems to be repulsive, with its heavy mouth and its ugly body, 644 01:10:36,487 --> 01:10:39,007 with its humid pleading eyes . 645 01:10:39,007 --> 01:10:41,919 He is repugnant and you are scared. 646 01:10:49,327 --> 01:10:50,555 No! 647 01:10:52,167 --> 01:10:54,044 I am not like you. 648 01:10:54,487 --> 01:10:56,443 I do not feel like you. 649 01:10:57,247 --> 01:11:00,557 I am the sister alma, I only am here to help you. 650 01:11:00,887 --> 01:11:02,967 I am not Elisabet Vogler! 651 01:11:02,967 --> 01:11:04,958 You are Elisabet Vogler! 652 01:11:05,567 --> 01:11:07,239 I would like to have? 653 01:11:08,767 --> 01:11:10,359 I adore? 654 01:11:12,807 --> 01:11:14,399 I do not have? 655 01:11:47,127 --> 01:11:49,277 I have learned a lot. 656 01:12:03,247 --> 01:12:05,442 We will see how long I can cope with. 657 01:12:11,447 --> 01:12:14,927 I never will be like you, never. I change all the time. 658 01:12:14,927 --> 01:12:17,885 You can do what you want, with me but never reach me. 659 01:12:50,927 --> 01:12:52,963 Don't defend anybody. 660 01:12:53,567 --> 01:12:55,080 cut a light. 661 01:12:55,487 --> 01:12:57,318 Another kind. 662 01:12:57,687 --> 01:13:00,155 Now no, no. No, no. 663 01:13:01,367 --> 01:13:05,687 warning and timeless.Irregular. 664 01:13:05,687 --> 01:13:08,997 When it should happened not as a failure. 665 01:13:09,327 --> 01:13:13,447 Yourself where you are! But I should do it. 666 01:13:13,447 --> 01:13:17,607 Not inwards, they say calm advises others. 667 01:13:17,607 --> 01:13:20,075 A desperate perhaps. 668 01:13:25,007 --> 01:13:26,326 Takes, 669 01:13:26,807 --> 01:13:29,002 But where is nearest? 670 01:13:29,287 --> 01:13:31,007 How it is called? 671 01:13:31,007 --> 01:13:32,838 No, no, no 672 01:13:33,327 --> 01:13:35,921 We, ours, I, me? 673 01:13:36,327 --> 01:13:40,479 Many words and such nausea? Incomprehensible pain. 674 01:15:10,247 --> 01:15:14,877 They throw! It repeats after me. 675 01:15:19,647 --> 01:15:21,319 Nothing? 676 01:15:24,567 --> 01:15:26,205 Nothing. 677 01:15:27,287 --> 01:15:28,959 No, nothing? 678 01:15:35,647 --> 01:15:37,126 Nothing. 679 01:15:38,687 --> 01:15:39,915 That's it. 680 01:15:40,527 --> 01:15:42,119 That's the way it shall be. 681 01:15:42,327 --> 01:15:44,204 That's the way it would have to be.