1 00:00:14,287 --> 00:00:16,801 (clattering) 2 00:00:16,887 --> 00:00:18,878 (women chattering) 3 00:00:29,087 --> 00:00:31,078 (piano plays "Jerusalem") 4 00:00:38,087 --> 00:00:44,640 So, ladies, straight to the high point of our meeting, our guest speaker. 5 00:00:44,727 --> 00:00:48,515 I'm very pleased to welcome Alan Rathbone from York, 6 00:00:48,607 --> 00:00:54,000 who's gonna be giving us a talk on the history of the Milk Marketing Board. 7 00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:56,078 Thank you, Alan. 8 00:00:56,967 --> 00:01:00,562 (Alan) Good evening, ladies of the Women's Institute. 9 00:01:03,767 --> 00:01:08,318 Ladies, I'd like to welcome Iris Benton from llkley. 10 00:01:08,407 --> 00:01:12,480 She's come to lead us through the fascinating world of rugs. 11 00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:16,996 I beg your pardon, Iris. I stand corrected. 12 00:01:17,087 --> 00:01:21,319 It's not just rugs. It's all forms of carpeting. 13 00:01:21,407 --> 00:01:24,444 Thank God. For a minute there I thought it was going to be dull. 14 00:01:24,527 --> 00:01:26,518 Thank you, Iris. 15 00:01:32,687 --> 00:01:36,805 Our round-the-world cruise started in September in Skipton, 16 00:01:36,887 --> 00:01:39,640 when we booked the tickets. 17 00:01:39,727 --> 00:01:44,960 That's them. They were a special offer and it was essential, my wife told me, 18 00:01:45,047 --> 00:01:48,039 to book them before the 25th of the month. 19 00:01:52,727 --> 00:01:54,399 (woman) Thank you. 20 00:02:03,647 --> 00:02:06,844 I don't know about you, ladies, but can I just say, Pauline, 21 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:10,920 I had no idea that broccoli could be so intriguing. 22 00:02:11,007 --> 00:02:13,237 Thank you. 23 00:02:13,327 --> 00:02:17,718 Now then, ladies, can I have a volunteer to draw the raffle? 24 00:02:19,247 --> 00:02:22,125 (# "Jerusalem") 25 00:02:22,207 --> 00:02:23,560 - No. - Yes. 26 00:02:23,647 --> 00:02:26,115 - No. - All right, I'll ask him. 27 00:02:26,207 --> 00:02:28,482 - Volunteer your own husband. - Yeah, right. 28 00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:31,127 What's Rod going to talk to the WI about? 29 00:02:31,207 --> 00:02:34,438 Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what John'd say. 30 00:02:34,527 --> 00:02:37,519 - What the hell am I gonna speak about? - John, I don't care. 31 00:02:37,607 --> 00:02:41,361 Whatever it is is gonna be better than the bloody history of the cauliflower 32 00:02:41,447 --> 00:02:43,563 or whatever it is we've got next week. 33 00:02:43,647 --> 00:02:45,524 - One seedling... - Annie, tell him. 34 00:02:45,607 --> 00:02:48,883 John, the whole point of the WI is... 35 00:02:48,967 --> 00:02:52,243 - Are you listening to me? - Annie, what is the point of the WI? 36 00:02:52,327 --> 00:02:56,002 Enlightenment, fun and friendship. 37 00:02:56,087 --> 00:03:00,160 Well, there, you see. It's right. It's them things. 38 00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:03,637 In my case, you did it cos your mother asked you, then she died... 39 00:03:03,727 --> 00:03:06,719 - You love it. - One seed in each pot. 40 00:03:06,807 --> 00:03:09,401 You're bloody useless, you are. 41 00:03:10,687 --> 00:03:13,121 Oh, look. Is it all right like that? 42 00:03:29,207 --> 00:03:32,677 I've done the Harman wedding, but the carnation table fronts 43 00:03:32,767 --> 00:03:35,725 need to be done for that conference in Guiseley. 44 00:03:35,807 --> 00:03:38,196 Good Lord. Nagging lilies. 45 00:03:40,327 --> 00:03:42,318 And I couldn't find the order form. 46 00:03:48,367 --> 00:03:50,927 I thought, after your fantastic reorganisation, 47 00:03:51,007 --> 00:03:54,682 all the order forms had to go on the bent nail. 48 00:03:57,087 --> 00:04:00,124 Are you going upstairs to do your homework? 49 00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,641 I'm not bothered. 50 00:04:04,567 --> 00:04:05,716 (TV) No worries. 51 00:04:43,287 --> 00:04:45,118 Jem? 52 00:04:45,207 --> 00:04:47,198 Mum. 53 00:04:52,927 --> 00:04:54,918 (she giggles) 54 00:05:02,287 --> 00:05:04,278 Oh, you... Shoo! 55 00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:07,165 You beggar! Go on! 56 00:05:17,487 --> 00:05:19,796 He's a little devil is that crow. 57 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:23,038 He'll have all them seedlings if we don't do something. 58 00:05:29,047 --> 00:05:33,325 Something we need to have a little... a little chat about. 59 00:05:34,327 --> 00:05:36,318 - Annie... - Don't leave me. 60 00:05:38,287 --> 00:05:41,245 You great... Hey, come here. 61 00:05:42,047 --> 00:05:43,844 Hey. 62 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,724 Hey, hey. 63 00:05:45,807 --> 00:05:49,880 I'm not leaving you. You soft girl. 64 00:05:51,687 --> 00:05:54,599 At least, I bloody hope not. 65 00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,398 So... 66 00:06:07,447 --> 00:06:10,678 You know, what kind is it he's got? 67 00:06:10,767 --> 00:06:14,237 He says he's gonna call it Saddam Hussein. 68 00:06:17,847 --> 00:06:20,919 You should have told us. I'm your oldest friend. 69 00:06:21,007 --> 00:06:23,760 You should have told me the moment you found out. 70 00:06:23,847 --> 00:06:26,122 I did. 71 00:06:28,927 --> 00:06:31,646 - No big hoo-ha, though, OK? - OK. 72 00:06:31,727 --> 00:06:35,720 It'll just make it easier for him to get back to normal when he gets out, you know, 73 00:06:35,807 --> 00:06:39,720 and the tests are clear and... and everything. 74 00:06:52,207 --> 00:06:57,406 (PA) Entries for the home and craft competition to the WI tent immediately. 75 00:06:57,487 --> 00:07:01,560 - What are they? Hell's Angels? - Sort of. They're morris dancers. 76 00:07:01,647 --> 00:07:06,960 - We'll see you back at the tents. - All right. See you later. Yeah. 77 00:07:12,647 --> 00:07:14,638 - Garden in a plant pot. - Done that. 78 00:07:14,727 --> 00:07:16,604 - Straightest courgette. - Done. 79 00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:20,396 Most creative thing done with an egg. Then we've done everything. Come on. 80 00:07:20,487 --> 00:07:24,196 Look at 'em. High Gill WI. 81 00:07:24,287 --> 00:07:27,085 Let's arrange our cakes round an old cartwheel. 82 00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:30,637 - Does look pretty, though. - Whose side are you on, Brutus? 83 00:07:30,727 --> 00:07:34,640 - No, I didn't mean... - What's your event, by the way? 84 00:07:34,727 --> 00:07:37,287 Tea tray on an international theme. 85 00:07:37,367 --> 00:07:40,803 I did Jamaica, but it could be anywhere in the Caribbean. 86 00:07:41,887 --> 00:07:46,199 If more people did WI, there'd be half the need for hallucinogenic drugs. 87 00:07:46,287 --> 00:07:49,518 Good, Ruth. International tea tray. 88 00:07:49,607 --> 00:07:52,599 Victoria sponge... Annie's on victoria sponge. 89 00:07:52,687 --> 00:07:54,678 - Summat for under a pound... - Kathy. 90 00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:56,758 Kathy. That's it. Where's that? 91 00:08:00,367 --> 00:08:01,356 What's that? 92 00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:05,360 Annie won't have had time, running Yul Brynner in and out of Skipton General, 93 00:08:05,447 --> 00:08:07,642 so ta-da! 94 00:08:07,727 --> 00:08:10,958 I'm sorry. It just took a bit long... Oh, my God, the cake. 95 00:08:11,047 --> 00:08:13,800 - Told you. - It's all right. Chris has saved the day. 96 00:08:13,887 --> 00:08:17,482 - You baked that? - I'm not a total dead loss as a woman. 97 00:08:17,567 --> 00:08:21,845 I can't knit or make plum jam, but I can bake a bloody victoria sponge. 98 00:08:21,927 --> 00:08:24,600 - Thank you. - Course, I didn't actually bake this. 99 00:08:24,687 --> 00:08:27,076 - I got it from Marks & Spencer's. - What?! 100 00:08:27,167 --> 00:08:30,716 - The point is... - You can't enter a cake you've bought. 101 00:08:30,807 --> 00:08:33,719 Get off! It doesn't matter where it comes from, does it? 102 00:08:33,807 --> 00:08:37,277 This is about putting up a united front against High Gill. 103 00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:39,597 This isn't bakery. 104 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,598 It's Zulu. 105 00:08:43,487 --> 00:08:45,478 Are you ready? 106 00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:58,643 (PA) Will the parents of the young lad in the Spider-Man T-shirt 107 00:08:58,727 --> 00:09:01,764 please meet him under the gorilla. 108 00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:09,285 Now, excitement in the main tent, where the WI judging's begun. 109 00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:12,561 - Aye aye. - Jury's back. 110 00:09:12,647 --> 00:09:17,402 Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this year's May Wilkinson trophy 111 00:09:17,487 --> 00:09:21,241 for victoria sponge, maximum 12-inch diameter, 112 00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:25,718 I'm pleased to say is entry number 213. 113 00:09:27,247 --> 00:09:30,159 - Nice knowing you, Chris. - (murmurs) Help me! 114 00:09:30,247 --> 00:09:31,441 That's interesting. 115 00:09:31,527 --> 00:09:37,716 Entered by Knapely WI and baked by Chris Harper. 116 00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:48,121 - Very, very well done. It's a beautiful cake. - Thanks. Thanks very much. 117 00:09:48,207 --> 00:09:52,678 And I'm proud to say this cake also wins 118 00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:57,238 the judges' 2002 discretionary award. 119 00:10:04,007 --> 00:10:06,123 It was really beautiful. 120 00:10:06,207 --> 00:10:08,198 Thank you. 121 00:10:10,287 --> 00:10:13,279 Listen, I never normally ask this. 122 00:10:13,367 --> 00:10:16,882 The lightness of that sponge. 123 00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:21,324 Is there a trick, a technique, how you got that? 124 00:10:30,927 --> 00:10:32,724 Uh, well... 125 00:10:32,807 --> 00:10:37,119 Well, um... I basically stuck to me mother's advice about cake baking. 126 00:10:37,207 --> 00:10:39,038 Yes. 127 00:10:39,127 --> 00:10:43,484 Uh, which is... line the bowl with butter. 128 00:10:43,567 --> 00:10:46,559 Always use a warm spoon. 129 00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:51,243 And if it's a special event, get it at Marks & Spencer's. 130 00:10:53,007 --> 00:10:54,998 (Annie laughs) 131 00:10:56,167 --> 00:10:59,125 (all start laughing) 132 00:11:05,327 --> 00:11:07,318 Throw the cake at 'em. 133 00:11:09,447 --> 00:11:13,599 Are you throwing my cake? That is disrespectful. 134 00:11:13,687 --> 00:11:17,726 - This is very good. - Of course it's good. 135 00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:21,402 They don't give the May Wilkinson out lightly, you know. 136 00:11:21,487 --> 00:11:25,765 In fact, I'm going to be asked to do a master class at the WI. 137 00:11:25,847 --> 00:11:29,726 - That'll be interesting. - Wasn't I supposed to do one? 138 00:11:29,807 --> 00:11:34,323 Something? Yeah. For the WI. Or don't you want that any more? 139 00:11:34,407 --> 00:11:39,879 I'll tell you what, if you want me to do it, you'd better get it in quick. 140 00:11:43,887 --> 00:11:46,276 (women sing "Jerusalem") 141 00:11:51,247 --> 00:11:52,919 Go, go, go, go, go. 142 00:11:53,007 --> 00:11:55,999 - Kiss. - They're on "arrows of desire". 143 00:11:56,087 --> 00:11:58,999 - You can't go to llkley without a kiss. - I go every Thursday. 144 00:11:59,087 --> 00:12:01,476 It's not an overseas posting. 145 00:12:01,567 --> 00:12:03,558 Kiss. 146 00:12:17,647 --> 00:12:23,483 # Till we have built Jerusalem 147 00:12:23,567 --> 00:12:30,484 # In England's green and pleasant land 148 00:12:40,607 --> 00:12:45,362 Firstly, how else could we start than by congratulating Chris 149 00:12:45,447 --> 00:12:52,239 on not only winning the May Wilkinson but also the judges' discretionary ribbon. 150 00:12:55,327 --> 00:12:57,682 I'm so pleased. 151 00:13:01,367 --> 00:13:05,360 Now, the next item on the agenda is the calendar. 152 00:13:06,247 --> 00:13:08,556 Last year we had views of local bridges, 153 00:13:08,647 --> 00:13:13,641 so this year I thought we could go for the 12 most beautiful views of... 154 00:13:13,727 --> 00:13:16,480 - George Clooney. ...the churches of Wharfedale. 155 00:13:16,567 --> 00:13:19,923 11 fully clothed and a little "lift the flap" for December. 156 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:21,076 (sniggering) 157 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,600 Chris? 158 00:13:24,487 --> 00:13:27,923 - No, nothing. - She said George Clooney. 159 00:13:29,927 --> 00:13:33,476 No. No, Marie. I'm fine, you know, with whatever. 160 00:13:34,007 --> 00:13:36,760 Churches of Wharfedale it is, then. 161 00:13:37,847 --> 00:13:39,838 It should be bloody George Clooney. 162 00:13:39,927 --> 00:13:45,126 Burnsall Church or George Clooney - I know which I'd rather wake up looking at. 163 00:13:45,207 --> 00:13:47,004 It is a Norman church, you know. 164 00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:49,726 I'm not disputing the loveliness of the church. 165 00:13:49,807 --> 00:13:52,958 It's the firmness of the buttocks I'm worried about. 166 00:13:53,047 --> 00:13:54,844 Careful. You'll pull your drip out. 167 00:13:54,927 --> 00:13:56,519 Anyway, let's face it, 168 00:13:56,607 --> 00:14:00,395 hate to be a revolutionary, it might actually sell a few copies. 169 00:14:00,487 --> 00:14:04,036 Yeah, the WI posing-pouch calendar. 170 00:14:04,127 --> 00:14:07,085 - Flesh sells, I tell ya. - Yeah. 171 00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:09,317 Right, decided. 172 00:14:09,407 --> 00:14:11,557 So where do we get a photographer? 173 00:14:11,647 --> 00:14:16,243 Art college. It's full of charlatans who prostitute their talent for money. 174 00:14:16,327 --> 00:14:19,319 - Is it? - Yeah. Lawrence was telling me. 175 00:14:20,647 --> 00:14:23,957 Hey, you wanna see this kid's photographs. 176 00:14:24,047 --> 00:14:25,924 Don't go on about them. 177 00:14:26,007 --> 00:14:30,319 He's taking some of me sunflowers, to see how they're getting on. 178 00:14:30,407 --> 00:14:35,197 It's not your photographer, it's your models. Professional models cost a bloody bomb. 179 00:14:35,287 --> 00:14:37,118 Hey... 180 00:14:37,207 --> 00:14:39,596 I'll model for you for nowt. 181 00:14:40,607 --> 00:14:45,362 No, thanks. I've just seen your backside and, believe me, it's not like George's. 182 00:15:00,487 --> 00:15:02,478 There you go. 183 00:15:02,567 --> 00:15:04,364 Ow! 184 00:15:04,447 --> 00:15:09,441 This bloody settee. They're gonna need another relatives' room, 185 00:15:09,527 --> 00:15:15,523 for the relatives of the relatives who got injured on the settee in the relatives' room. 186 00:15:17,927 --> 00:15:20,805 So, did you talk to the specialist? 187 00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:24,845 John seems chirpier to me today. What's the old... 188 00:15:24,927 --> 00:15:29,603 - Pneumonia and septicaemia. - Oh, that's good. I've heard of those. 189 00:15:29,687 --> 00:15:32,963 They can deal with those, can't they? 190 00:15:33,047 --> 00:15:36,676 It means his immune system's weakened. 191 00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:39,156 The chemo isn't working. 192 00:15:40,927 --> 00:15:44,317 Which means we're finally out of straws. 193 00:15:51,607 --> 00:15:54,599 Don't you go buying any benches. 194 00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:57,440 Do what the hell I like, John Clarke. 195 00:15:57,527 --> 00:16:00,121 If you put a bench out here, 196 00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:06,047 it'll have "Leeds stuffed Arsenal" on it before you get back to the car. 197 00:16:09,247 --> 00:16:11,238 Come on. 198 00:16:17,847 --> 00:16:20,520 I've written me speech. 199 00:16:20,607 --> 00:16:22,598 - WI. - Oh, right. 200 00:16:24,647 --> 00:16:27,480 I did it about... me job. 201 00:16:28,367 --> 00:16:30,358 And all this. 202 00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:33,558 You read it to me. 203 00:16:39,287 --> 00:16:43,439 Flowers of Yorkshire are like the women of Yorkshire. 204 00:16:43,527 --> 00:16:50,524 Every stage of their growth is more beautiful than the last. 205 00:16:53,927 --> 00:16:56,885 But the last phase... 206 00:16:56,967 --> 00:16:59,561 is always the most glorious. 207 00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:17,279 Then very quickly they all go to seed. 208 00:17:23,287 --> 00:17:25,847 Cheeky beggar. 209 00:17:59,047 --> 00:18:04,519 (Chris) A while ago, I asked John Clarke to give us a talk here at Knapely WI. 210 00:18:05,887 --> 00:18:11,883 Annie asked me to read it to you here tonight, and this is what he wrote. 211 00:18:14,407 --> 00:18:18,446 "The flowers of Yorkshire are like the women of Yorkshire." 212 00:18:18,527 --> 00:18:21,280 "Every stage of their growth has its own beauty, 213 00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:24,404 but the last phase is always the most glorious." 214 00:18:25,967 --> 00:18:28,356 "Then very quickly they all go to seed." 215 00:18:28,447 --> 00:18:30,563 (laughter) 216 00:18:30,647 --> 00:18:33,923 "Which makes it ironic my favourite flower 217 00:18:34,007 --> 00:18:38,398 isn't even indigenous to the British Isles, let alone Yorkshire." 218 00:18:38,487 --> 00:18:45,245 "I don't think there's anything on this planet that more trumpets life than the sunflower." 219 00:18:46,287 --> 00:18:49,757 "For me, that's because of the reason behind its name." 220 00:18:49,847 --> 00:18:55,922 "Not because it looks like the sun but because it follows the sun." 221 00:18:56,007 --> 00:18:57,998 "During the course of the day, 222 00:18:58,087 --> 00:19:02,638 the head tracks the journey of the sun across the sky." 223 00:19:02,727 --> 00:19:05,525 "A satellite dish for sunshine." 224 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:13,001 "Wherever light is, no matter how weak, these flowers will find it." 225 00:19:13,087 --> 00:19:15,681 "And that's such an admirable thing." 226 00:19:16,487 --> 00:19:18,876 "And such a lesson in life." 227 00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:33,727 You ran into a gate? How'd you do that? 228 00:19:33,807 --> 00:19:35,320 (mumbles) 229 00:19:35,407 --> 00:19:36,999 You what? 230 00:19:37,087 --> 00:19:40,477 He does a paper round. It pays for his elocution lessons. 231 00:19:40,567 --> 00:19:47,120 Yeah, well, he's bent these good-style. It'll be... 25 quid that, love. 232 00:19:48,247 --> 00:19:50,238 I have to have it. 233 00:19:51,487 --> 00:19:53,205 Mum? 234 00:19:57,967 --> 00:20:01,198 Ted, would you mind if I borrowed this? 235 00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:02,640 No. 236 00:20:04,927 --> 00:20:08,522 (Chris) Moving gently into the locust. 237 00:20:10,207 --> 00:20:13,802 And then we have... 238 00:20:14,927 --> 00:20:16,918 the lion. 239 00:20:19,807 --> 00:20:23,356 I have to admit I'm concerned about our great leader's grasp of t'ai chi. 240 00:20:23,447 --> 00:20:26,405 And into the llama. 241 00:20:26,487 --> 00:20:29,479 - Llama? - Are there llamas in China? 242 00:20:29,567 --> 00:20:31,558 OK? 243 00:20:32,727 --> 00:20:35,639 Are you all looking in the right direction? 244 00:20:35,727 --> 00:20:38,287 - See you later, girls! - Bye, love! 245 00:20:38,367 --> 00:20:39,959 Bye. 246 00:20:40,767 --> 00:20:42,644 How's Annie? 247 00:20:42,727 --> 00:20:45,116 How can we help, do you think? 248 00:20:48,167 --> 00:20:50,920 Are you doing anything tomorrow afternoon? 249 00:20:51,007 --> 00:20:52,998 (school bell rings) 250 00:21:01,047 --> 00:21:03,038 (girls laugh) 251 00:21:05,887 --> 00:21:09,562 (boy) It is, I'm telling ya. Girls laughing's a good sign. 252 00:21:11,007 --> 00:21:12,998 It's a top sign, I tell ya. 253 00:21:14,007 --> 00:21:16,202 Bloody hell, if you're in with Debbie Nolan, 254 00:21:16,287 --> 00:21:21,156 not bein' unsound here, but she has got the most fantastic tits. 255 00:21:21,247 --> 00:21:23,966 She has got fine mangoes. 256 00:21:24,967 --> 00:21:30,280 Actually, not mangoes. I don't imagine they'd be hard like mangoes. 257 00:21:30,367 --> 00:21:32,358 Maybe plums. 258 00:21:33,287 --> 00:21:37,280 Ripe plums. You know, big, ripe plums. 259 00:21:41,407 --> 00:21:43,557 No, what am I saying? 260 00:21:43,647 --> 00:21:46,366 No, not plums. Balloons! 261 00:21:46,447 --> 00:21:50,201 That's it. That's exactly what they're like. 262 00:21:50,287 --> 00:21:53,962 A pair of balloons you find behind your settee three days after a party. 263 00:21:54,047 --> 00:21:58,279 Gaz, will you stop talking about tits? 264 00:21:59,167 --> 00:22:02,557 (Gaz) Why would I ever wanna do that? 265 00:22:03,727 --> 00:22:06,002 Well, I think it's a great idea. 266 00:22:06,087 --> 00:22:09,841 - You weren't concentrating, were you? - I was. 267 00:22:09,927 --> 00:22:14,318 We're going to raise money for the hospital, to buy a sofa in John's name. 268 00:22:14,407 --> 00:22:17,205 By posing for a nude calendar. 269 00:22:19,767 --> 00:22:20,961 Oh, no. 270 00:22:21,047 --> 00:22:25,325 Oh, sit down. I'm not asking you to straddle a Harley-Davidson. 271 00:22:25,407 --> 00:22:27,682 It's still a bit of a leap from Burnsall Church. 272 00:22:27,767 --> 00:22:33,524 Yes, but that's the whole point. You see, like, it's an alternative calendar. It's... 273 00:22:33,607 --> 00:22:36,758 - It's what John suggested. - Did he? 274 00:22:36,847 --> 00:22:40,726 "The last stage of the flower is the most glorious." 275 00:22:40,807 --> 00:22:45,801 So what this calendar would be saying is "Yes, John, actually. We agree." 276 00:22:45,887 --> 00:22:51,644 With respect, I didn't hear him use the phrase "whip your bras off". 277 00:22:53,007 --> 00:22:56,238 It's �999 in the leather, that sofa. 278 00:22:56,327 --> 00:23:00,286 Can I remind you how much last year's calendar raised? 279 00:23:00,367 --> 00:23:03,757 �75.60. 280 00:23:05,167 --> 00:23:08,682 - Are you havin' it? - We're havin' it, all right. 281 00:23:08,767 --> 00:23:10,359 Come on. 282 00:23:10,447 --> 00:23:12,483 Yeah, we'll get back to you, thank you. 283 00:23:12,567 --> 00:23:13,841 (Jem) She's... 284 00:23:15,247 --> 00:23:18,000 I don't know. She's being weird. 285 00:23:18,087 --> 00:23:20,806 Normal weird, or weird weird? 286 00:23:20,887 --> 00:23:24,402 - She found this. - You're kidding? Big Bazookas? 287 00:23:24,487 --> 00:23:29,163 - I saw her looking at it. - God, I bet she went off her head. 288 00:23:29,247 --> 00:23:33,126 My mum did when she found me Rubber Housewives. 289 00:23:34,887 --> 00:23:37,037 It's a difficult age. 290 00:23:37,127 --> 00:23:41,598 Round about now, women go through a difficult age, 291 00:23:42,327 --> 00:23:47,196 when they get all irrational and odd and difficult to predict. 292 00:23:47,287 --> 00:23:50,677 - How do you know? - Me dad told me. 293 00:23:50,767 --> 00:23:52,883 - Right. - No. 294 00:23:52,967 --> 00:23:55,879 I've got to go, anyway. Eddie's getting back from llkley. 295 00:23:55,967 --> 00:23:59,357 Nobody's going to see anything, I promise you. You take the picture. 296 00:23:59,447 --> 00:24:01,642 I'm not quite sure how to... 297 00:24:03,087 --> 00:24:05,726 - Not yet. Wait. - You've just taken one of the table. 298 00:24:05,807 --> 00:24:08,560 Won't sell a lot of calendars, will it? It's that one. 299 00:24:08,647 --> 00:24:11,525 - But it's very sensitive. - Right. 300 00:24:12,967 --> 00:24:15,083 Can anyone see my nipples? 301 00:24:15,567 --> 00:24:19,003 - You bloody would if it were your mum. - Look, what's she done? 302 00:24:19,087 --> 00:24:22,523 Flicked through one jazz mag and looked at a mucky calendar. 303 00:24:22,607 --> 00:24:24,882 That doesn't make her a lesbian. 304 00:24:27,687 --> 00:24:29,678 Hi, Jem. 305 00:24:32,407 --> 00:24:34,796 Your mother's... Just, uh... 306 00:24:37,247 --> 00:24:41,240 Just go on upstairs with your friend, OK? 307 00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:06,242 - How was llkley? - Hey, what are you doing up? 308 00:25:12,927 --> 00:25:16,203 - How'd it go? - Oh, you know. 309 00:25:16,287 --> 00:25:19,882 They're not a scintillating lot, carpet dealers. 310 00:25:19,967 --> 00:25:23,755 They only get excited about bonded underlay. 311 00:25:24,367 --> 00:25:27,279 - Coming to bed? - Aye, in a bit. 312 00:25:27,367 --> 00:25:29,517 Just having a wind-down. 313 00:25:32,807 --> 00:25:35,685 (TV) I don't want announcements of redundancies... 314 00:25:35,767 --> 00:25:37,758 (laughter) 315 00:25:49,727 --> 00:25:51,877 I've come for my photos. 316 00:25:51,967 --> 00:25:54,720 Can't find my little receipt thingy. The name's Har... 317 00:25:54,807 --> 00:25:58,322 Here they are. It's �4.99, please. 318 00:25:58,407 --> 00:26:00,398 Thank you. 319 00:26:02,447 --> 00:26:04,836 Keep the penny. Thank you. 320 00:26:13,527 --> 00:26:16,963 - I'm surprised they printed it. - It's probably on the Internet by now. 321 00:26:17,047 --> 00:26:21,643 By the sound of it, most people have seen it already. 322 00:26:21,727 --> 00:26:24,878 For God's sake. I mean, lots of people have their photos taken 323 00:26:24,967 --> 00:26:27,561 with their tops off on holiday in lbiza, don't they? 324 00:26:27,647 --> 00:26:30,081 I think it just probably came as a slight shock, 325 00:26:30,167 --> 00:26:34,160 what with the previous 15 photos being of flower arrangements. 326 00:26:34,247 --> 00:26:37,876 I've screwed up a-bloody-gain, haven't I? Yet a-bloody-gain. 327 00:26:37,967 --> 00:26:39,719 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 328 00:26:39,807 --> 00:26:43,163 Look, what we have to ask ourselves here is this. 329 00:26:43,247 --> 00:26:46,319 What is the difference between this and the Venus de Milo? 330 00:26:46,407 --> 00:26:48,841 Oh, I love quizzes. 331 00:26:48,927 --> 00:26:51,077 - The cooker? - Celia. 332 00:26:52,007 --> 00:26:54,601 Both feature women with their breasts exposed. 333 00:26:54,687 --> 00:26:57,247 What makes one a work of art? 334 00:26:57,327 --> 00:27:00,524 I think the answer to that's very simple. An artist. 335 00:27:00,607 --> 00:27:02,598 She's clever. 336 00:27:04,767 --> 00:27:06,758 An artist. 337 00:27:16,127 --> 00:27:17,924 She's lovely. 338 00:27:18,007 --> 00:27:20,680 A lovely light you've used on the face there. 339 00:27:20,767 --> 00:27:24,442 Got her eyes, didn't he? And all those curls. 340 00:27:24,527 --> 00:27:26,085 Lovely. 341 00:27:26,167 --> 00:27:28,283 Oh. 342 00:27:28,367 --> 00:27:31,598 So, have you photographed many humans, or is it mainly... 343 00:27:31,687 --> 00:27:34,201 It is mainly poodles. 344 00:27:34,287 --> 00:27:37,006 The blood represents globalisation 345 00:27:37,087 --> 00:27:41,080 and the sheep's skull is the death of democracy. 346 00:27:42,007 --> 00:27:45,682 - And the carrot? - The carrot is capitalism. 347 00:27:50,847 --> 00:27:55,523 Mainly orchids. I'm particularly interested in woodland orchids. 348 00:27:55,607 --> 00:28:00,397 And butterflies. I love photographing native butterflies. 349 00:28:00,487 --> 00:28:02,955 What exactly is your project? 350 00:28:06,847 --> 00:28:09,236 Hello, ladies. 351 00:28:12,847 --> 00:28:14,838 You'll be all right. 352 00:28:16,727 --> 00:28:20,606 This is crazy. He won't remember. 353 00:28:20,687 --> 00:28:25,556 He must see thousands of people come through here every day. 354 00:28:25,647 --> 00:28:29,003 Mrs Clarke? John's wife? 355 00:28:29,087 --> 00:28:30,315 Yeah. 356 00:28:30,407 --> 00:28:32,602 Hiya. 357 00:28:32,807 --> 00:28:34,798 Hiya. 358 00:28:40,327 --> 00:28:42,318 Are you serious? 359 00:28:42,407 --> 00:28:47,686 You've got 12 women in Skipton who are all committed to doin' a nude photo shoot? 360 00:28:47,767 --> 00:28:50,565 - Well, technically we haven't got 12. - Yes. 361 00:28:50,647 --> 00:28:54,435 So long as we can find the right photographer. 362 00:28:57,447 --> 00:28:59,836 (plays "Ave Maria" on organ) 363 00:29:05,007 --> 00:29:08,886 (whispers) We've found the right photographer. 364 00:29:08,967 --> 00:29:11,527 Are you going to commit to it? 365 00:29:11,607 --> 00:29:13,598 You are? 366 00:29:15,527 --> 00:29:17,995 Sorry. 367 00:29:18,087 --> 00:29:23,241 Don't think of it as naked, Cora. It's not naked. It's nude. 368 00:29:23,967 --> 00:29:28,882 Annie, I am 55 years old. 369 00:29:29,887 --> 00:29:34,005 So if I'm not gonna get 'em out now, when am I? 370 00:29:34,967 --> 00:29:37,561 (plays "Here Comes the Bride") 371 00:29:37,647 --> 00:29:41,117 It's the whole showing-your-breasts issue that concerns me. 372 00:29:41,207 --> 00:29:44,483 I think the whole point is that we don't properly. 373 00:29:44,567 --> 00:29:47,240 I know. That's what concerns me. 374 00:29:49,407 --> 00:29:52,763 - Yours are good, are they? - They're tremendous. 375 00:29:54,007 --> 00:29:58,000 Jessie, we're getting to the point now where we really need to commit. 376 00:29:58,087 --> 00:30:00,681 - Now, I know... - No front bottoms. 377 00:30:00,767 --> 00:30:01,995 What? 378 00:30:02,087 --> 00:30:05,363 I'm in, just as long as it's no front bottoms. 379 00:30:05,447 --> 00:30:08,245 That's a sight I've reserved for just one man in my life. 380 00:30:08,327 --> 00:30:11,603 - Do you think your husband'll mind? - It wasn't my husband. 381 00:30:11,687 --> 00:30:15,441 - Course you've got a body worth lookin' at. - Just look at that parking! 382 00:30:15,527 --> 00:30:16,323 Ruth. 383 00:30:16,407 --> 00:30:18,796 Doesn't it annoy you when people take two spaces? 384 00:30:18,887 --> 00:30:22,596 Look, none of us have got a body worth looking at. 385 00:30:22,687 --> 00:30:25,076 No, well, that's not... 386 00:30:27,367 --> 00:30:31,599 We're not all Chrises in this life. Some of us are Ruths. 387 00:30:31,687 --> 00:30:33,678 I'm sorry. 388 00:30:34,687 --> 00:30:36,678 Ruth. Ruth. 389 00:30:55,567 --> 00:30:58,877 Right, I did a bit of thinking about this calendar. 390 00:31:00,647 --> 00:31:04,196 OK, I think there's a trick we could play here. 391 00:31:04,287 --> 00:31:08,599 At first glance, it should look like your classic WI calendar. 392 00:31:08,687 --> 00:31:12,965 You know, all your jams, cakes, sewing and all that. 393 00:31:13,047 --> 00:31:15,402 You know, everything you'd expect. 394 00:31:15,487 --> 00:31:17,955 Except for one tiny thing. 395 00:31:18,967 --> 00:31:23,358 The person doing it is, uh... naked. 396 00:31:32,127 --> 00:31:36,882 It's... It's perfect, Lawrence. Really, it's perfect. 397 00:31:36,967 --> 00:31:41,836 A different girl for every month in a different guise. 398 00:31:41,927 --> 00:31:44,760 Painting, um... press. 399 00:31:45,727 --> 00:31:49,515 Until December, when I thought we could do a group photo of you all together, 400 00:31:49,607 --> 00:31:52,679 you know, singin' a Christmas carol. 401 00:31:52,767 --> 00:31:55,964 With little hats on, like Father Christmas. 402 00:31:56,047 --> 00:32:00,518 There's just one small problem. The photographer's a man. 403 00:32:00,607 --> 00:32:03,201 The point is we won't actually be showing anything. 404 00:32:03,287 --> 00:32:08,407 In the photos. I imagine a considerable amount will be on display in the room. 405 00:32:08,487 --> 00:32:10,205 That's a point. 406 00:32:10,287 --> 00:32:12,562 He'll have to be in the room to take the photos. 407 00:32:12,647 --> 00:32:16,560 - With us naked! - Well, nude. 408 00:32:16,647 --> 00:32:20,037 Listen, an art photographer doesn't see a naked woman. 409 00:32:20,127 --> 00:32:24,598 - He sees a life model. - Yes, the nudity isn't important. 410 00:32:24,687 --> 00:32:26,962 Easy to say when you've got your knickers on. 411 00:32:27,047 --> 00:32:29,925 He'll be looking at us as an artist. 412 00:32:30,007 --> 00:32:32,316 - I've heard that one before. - Have you? 413 00:32:32,407 --> 00:32:35,638 - He's not that kind of bloke. - I've heard that one before an' all! 414 00:32:35,727 --> 00:32:37,683 Where is he? 415 00:32:44,167 --> 00:32:46,158 Lawrence? 416 00:32:52,407 --> 00:32:59,324 I mean, have you any idea how intimidating it is to come in here in front of you lot? 417 00:32:59,407 --> 00:33:02,604 How much it's taken that young man to do that? 418 00:33:02,687 --> 00:33:04,678 (mumbling) Sorry. 419 00:33:05,567 --> 00:33:10,243 Course we're not gonna go round parading ourselves in a room full of men. 420 00:33:10,327 --> 00:33:14,320 This isn't... France, for God's sake. 421 00:33:15,367 --> 00:33:19,918 Lawrence will set up the photo, leave the room, 422 00:33:20,007 --> 00:33:25,161 dressing gowns come off, and one of us will click the shutter. 423 00:33:28,127 --> 00:33:29,640 Right. 424 00:33:29,727 --> 00:33:31,718 Lawrence? 425 00:33:35,767 --> 00:33:38,235 I think these girls got something to say to you. 426 00:33:39,247 --> 00:33:41,841 - Sorry. - Sorry, Lawrence. 427 00:33:41,927 --> 00:33:46,603 # I will not cease from mental fight 428 00:33:46,687 --> 00:33:51,807 # Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand 429 00:33:51,887 --> 00:33:57,280 # Till we have built Jerusalem 430 00:33:57,367 --> 00:34:03,920 # In England's green and pleasant land 431 00:34:06,047 --> 00:34:10,279 Right. Has anyone any activities planned 432 00:34:10,367 --> 00:34:15,646 we might want to seek approval for at National Conference? 433 00:34:15,727 --> 00:34:17,604 It's always wise. 434 00:34:17,687 --> 00:34:21,157 We wouldn't want to do anything without National Committee approval, 435 00:34:21,247 --> 00:34:26,480 not with Knapely being such a proud WI, with an unblemished reputation, 436 00:34:26,567 --> 00:34:31,561 where it would take only one small act by a few rogue individuals 437 00:34:31,647 --> 00:34:35,435 to ruin a reputation that we've spent all these years... 438 00:34:35,527 --> 00:34:38,087 All right, all right, all right. 439 00:34:38,167 --> 00:34:42,445 Look, we're plannin' a calendar for John, everyone. 440 00:34:42,527 --> 00:34:49,399 Yeah, it's, um... to raise money to buy something for the relatives' room 441 00:34:49,487 --> 00:34:52,524 in... in Knapely General. 442 00:34:54,967 --> 00:34:59,245 - And? - And with us on it. 443 00:34:59,327 --> 00:35:01,716 One for each month. 444 00:35:02,367 --> 00:35:04,756 And? 445 00:35:04,847 --> 00:35:06,838 Well... 446 00:35:08,127 --> 00:35:11,437 - That's about it, really... - Naked! 447 00:35:11,527 --> 00:35:14,963 - Naked? - Not naked. Nude. 448 00:35:15,047 --> 00:35:18,005 - What's the difference? - Art. 449 00:35:18,087 --> 00:35:22,683 And seein' Marie's raised the issue, we're a good few months short. 450 00:35:23,407 --> 00:35:28,322 Is that not because all this has the air of another one of Chris's great ideas? 451 00:35:28,407 --> 00:35:31,080 Like the vodka-tasting night. 452 00:35:31,167 --> 00:35:34,716 No, no. Because I'm going to make sure this one turns out OK, Marie. 453 00:35:34,807 --> 00:35:37,275 Because it's for John. 454 00:35:37,367 --> 00:35:41,997 It was inspired by John, and it's for John, and it's because of John. 455 00:35:42,087 --> 00:35:48,242 And no matter what you might think of the idea, Marie, you're lookin' at January. 456 00:35:49,967 --> 00:35:52,356 February. 457 00:35:52,887 --> 00:35:54,923 March. 458 00:35:58,247 --> 00:36:00,522 April! 459 00:36:09,047 --> 00:36:12,323 Chris, do we have to make any special preparations? 460 00:36:12,407 --> 00:36:15,877 Oh, no, no. These pictures are going to be us, girls, as we come. 461 00:36:15,967 --> 00:36:19,562 - Oh, God. - Grey hair, cellulite, the lot. 462 00:36:19,647 --> 00:36:24,084 Remember, "The last phase is the most glorious!" 463 00:36:26,207 --> 00:36:28,562 Do you have any pictures of Rene Russo? 464 00:36:46,367 --> 00:36:47,163 Thanks. 465 00:37:03,887 --> 00:37:07,084 - A week? - I know. 466 00:37:07,167 --> 00:37:11,240 It's a client. He does, um... you know this new chain of hotels? 467 00:37:11,327 --> 00:37:13,636 Northern summat? 468 00:37:13,727 --> 00:37:15,718 Shall I come? 469 00:37:17,447 --> 00:37:19,642 - What? - Save your sanity, love. 470 00:37:19,727 --> 00:37:21,718 You know, it's carpets. 471 00:37:21,807 --> 00:37:25,720 If I raced dragsters, there might be summat worth watching. 472 00:37:25,807 --> 00:37:31,723 Yeah, I wanted to play next Wednesday, but I've got a bloody board meeting. 473 00:37:31,807 --> 00:37:34,401 Oh, darling, come on! 474 00:37:34,487 --> 00:37:38,275 - Your ball's over there. - I'm coming, Frank. 475 00:37:39,727 --> 00:37:41,718 (phone rings) 476 00:37:45,047 --> 00:37:47,766 T minus two hours. Bras off to avoid strap marks. 477 00:37:47,847 --> 00:37:50,600 As we speak, darling. As we speak. 478 00:37:50,687 --> 00:37:52,439 Darling? Come on! 479 00:37:52,527 --> 00:37:54,518 Good girl. 480 00:38:24,847 --> 00:38:27,441 - (Cora) We're going to go. - (Jessie) We're going to go. 481 00:38:27,527 --> 00:38:29,916 - That's the decision. - That's the decision. 482 00:38:30,007 --> 00:38:33,841 (Jessie) We're going to go and tell them we're not going to do it. 483 00:38:44,367 --> 00:38:46,927 In, in, in. Quick! 484 00:38:59,127 --> 00:39:04,042 You have to realise I've never appeared nude in front of anyone in my life. 485 00:39:04,127 --> 00:39:06,163 - Not even Frank? - Frank's a major. 486 00:39:06,247 --> 00:39:09,796 We approach nudity on a strictly need-to-know basis. 487 00:39:09,887 --> 00:39:12,526 None of us have been here before, love. 488 00:39:12,607 --> 00:39:17,806 I mean, for God's sake, my John didn't see me naked until the spring of 1975. 489 00:39:17,887 --> 00:39:20,082 What happened in the spring of '75? 490 00:39:20,167 --> 00:39:23,603 There was a lizard in the shower block at Abergele. 491 00:39:25,127 --> 00:39:28,119 Quite a few people saw me naked that morning. 492 00:39:28,207 --> 00:39:30,402 (women laughing) 493 00:40:15,647 --> 00:40:18,081 Oh, that's not fair. 494 00:40:21,327 --> 00:40:23,443 Right. 495 00:40:23,527 --> 00:40:26,519 - Shit or bust. - Shit or bust. 496 00:40:26,607 --> 00:40:30,077 - Right, Lawrence. - Ready when you are. 497 00:40:40,167 --> 00:40:42,965 They'll never go through with it. 498 00:40:44,167 --> 00:40:48,240 - It's a tool of the trade. - Ladies, just bring the lamp up a bit. 499 00:40:48,327 --> 00:40:51,285 - Raise the lamp for me. - No, don't touch that. 500 00:40:52,127 --> 00:40:53,321 OK? 501 00:40:53,407 --> 00:40:54,556 Right. 502 00:40:54,647 --> 00:40:58,435 Annie? Chris? Can you just clear frame for me? 503 00:41:01,647 --> 00:41:05,162 OK, Celia, just lean in toward t'camera a little bit. 504 00:41:05,247 --> 00:41:07,283 Right. Enough? 505 00:41:07,367 --> 00:41:09,164 Perfect. 506 00:41:17,807 --> 00:41:19,798 OK. Ready. 507 00:41:21,727 --> 00:41:23,718 Um... 508 00:41:25,287 --> 00:41:26,800 OK. 509 00:41:30,847 --> 00:41:34,886 Lawrence, we're going to need considerably bigger buns. 510 00:41:46,967 --> 00:41:48,958 Weren't the buns flat? 511 00:41:50,847 --> 00:41:53,281 No! Don't mess with the buns! 512 00:41:53,367 --> 00:41:55,562 I like them like this. They cover more. 513 00:41:55,647 --> 00:41:58,480 No, don't touch the composition! 514 00:41:58,567 --> 00:42:02,560 - But, Lawrence, were the top buns flat? - They're flat! 515 00:42:02,647 --> 00:42:05,639 Yeah, but flat for us or flat for her? 516 00:42:07,847 --> 00:42:09,565 (all yelp) 517 00:42:10,607 --> 00:42:13,280 Don't touch the buns. 518 00:42:15,487 --> 00:42:17,159 Please. 519 00:42:17,807 --> 00:42:19,798 Sorry. 520 00:42:22,047 --> 00:42:24,436 Bad girl. 521 00:42:24,527 --> 00:42:26,518 Bun toucher. 522 00:42:27,567 --> 00:42:31,719 - (Lawrence) She's got to look relaxed. - I am bloody relaxed. 523 00:42:31,807 --> 00:42:34,560 - (Lawrence) And she's gotta smile. - I am smiling! 524 00:42:34,647 --> 00:42:38,765 No, not too much. I want it enigmatic. 525 00:42:40,007 --> 00:42:44,159 She looks like she's seen somebody she knows in the distance. 526 00:42:45,767 --> 00:42:52,798 Left side up a little. Your right side down a little. And the middle section sort of... 527 00:42:52,887 --> 00:42:57,085 For God's sake, get bloody Botticelli in here. 528 00:42:57,727 --> 00:43:00,719 Lawrence. Get in here. 529 00:43:08,167 --> 00:43:10,522 Chin down to your left. 530 00:43:12,687 --> 00:43:15,121 You look beautiful, Celia. 531 00:43:20,767 --> 00:43:22,564 OK. 532 00:43:22,647 --> 00:43:24,717 We're away. 533 00:43:24,807 --> 00:43:27,605 (# "You Upset Me, Baby" by B B King) 534 00:43:31,647 --> 00:43:35,162 I used to be in a band in the '70s. One day... 535 00:43:39,887 --> 00:43:41,206 Thank you. 536 00:43:43,367 --> 00:43:45,437 Yeah... 537 00:44:08,927 --> 00:44:12,442 Come on, Sugden. It's your own time you're wasting. 538 00:44:12,527 --> 00:44:15,200 I was his junior school teacher. 539 00:44:16,767 --> 00:44:21,045 Oh, Jessie! What did I say about relaxing him? 540 00:44:21,127 --> 00:44:24,244 What did she say about relaxing him? 541 00:44:51,007 --> 00:44:52,998 Cup of tea, girls? 542 00:45:03,687 --> 00:45:05,678 There's no E flat in "Jerusalem". 543 00:45:05,767 --> 00:45:08,042 I'll be disappointed if they look at me fingers. 544 00:45:42,847 --> 00:45:44,166 Oh. 545 00:45:44,247 --> 00:45:46,238 All right? 546 00:45:49,007 --> 00:45:51,396 Are you doing this one? 547 00:45:53,047 --> 00:45:54,639 What's your name? 548 00:45:54,727 --> 00:45:57,287 - Ruth. - Ruth. 549 00:45:57,367 --> 00:46:00,006 I'm Lawrence. Photographer. 550 00:46:03,527 --> 00:46:05,438 One minute. 551 00:46:13,607 --> 00:46:16,758 - Lawrence? Lawrence, who's next? - Ruth. 552 00:46:16,847 --> 00:46:18,280 Ruth? 553 00:46:18,367 --> 00:46:21,040 Ruth? No. No, wait. Lawrence! 554 00:46:36,247 --> 00:46:38,715 Right. Let's do it. 555 00:46:55,807 --> 00:46:59,436 Could I have, well, you know, some privacy? 556 00:47:02,047 --> 00:47:05,756 (chanting) Off! Off! Off! 557 00:47:05,847 --> 00:47:09,999 Off! Off! Off! Off! 558 00:47:16,527 --> 00:47:21,442 # We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 559 00:47:40,487 --> 00:47:44,446 Congratulations. It's a calendar. 560 00:47:53,207 --> 00:47:56,438 (Chris) Yes, yes. Black and white with just one colour. 561 00:47:56,527 --> 00:48:00,076 I don't know... 300... 562 00:48:00,167 --> 00:48:02,123 400... 563 00:48:02,207 --> 00:48:05,005 No, 500 copies. 564 00:48:05,087 --> 00:48:07,476 So how much would that be? 565 00:48:12,087 --> 00:48:14,362 Thank you. Get back to you. 566 00:48:14,447 --> 00:48:17,120 - It's never that much. - It bloody is. 567 00:48:18,607 --> 00:48:20,723 We're looking for sponsorship, 568 00:48:20,807 --> 00:48:23,560 and my husband always used your products, you see. 569 00:48:23,647 --> 00:48:26,639 He worked for the National Park. 570 00:48:26,727 --> 00:48:28,957 - John Clarke? - Yes, yes, that's right. 571 00:48:29,047 --> 00:48:31,038 He died of leukaemia. 572 00:48:31,127 --> 00:48:34,915 - Aye, I know. I'm sorry. - Thank you. 573 00:48:35,007 --> 00:48:39,364 - What do you need sponsorship for? - OK, um... 574 00:48:46,047 --> 00:48:50,802 We're getting there. But the sunflower needs to leap out at you. More yellow. 575 00:48:50,887 --> 00:48:55,677 - Quiet! Look, you can't all be July. - It's my birthday in July. 576 00:48:55,767 --> 00:48:58,725 My divorce came through in March. I'd like to be September. 577 00:49:01,727 --> 00:49:03,718 (knocking) 578 00:49:11,047 --> 00:49:11,843 Marie. 579 00:49:11,927 --> 00:49:15,476 I'm not disturbing you, am I? I was just passing. 580 00:49:15,567 --> 00:49:19,276 I bought, um... They're nothing much. 581 00:49:19,367 --> 00:49:22,564 Oh, Marie, they're lovely. Come on in. 582 00:49:28,367 --> 00:49:31,325 I never felt I really knew John. 583 00:49:32,407 --> 00:49:36,002 He worked for the National Park, didn't he? 584 00:49:37,087 --> 00:49:42,480 - I just wanted to say, if there's anything... - These are beautiful. Are they gerberas? 585 00:49:42,567 --> 00:49:45,035 Gorgeous. 586 00:49:45,127 --> 00:49:50,565 You should get away for a bit. Have a holiday. You know, get out of Knapely. 587 00:49:50,647 --> 00:49:53,684 - You trying to get rid of me? - No, no. I just... 588 00:49:55,327 --> 00:49:59,036 - I feel I have to say something, Annie. - More tea? 589 00:49:59,127 --> 00:50:01,118 No, no. 590 00:50:02,807 --> 00:50:05,958 I do know how difficult things must be for you at the moment, 591 00:50:06,047 --> 00:50:08,607 how you must be feeling. 592 00:50:08,687 --> 00:50:12,521 Do you? Oh, dear. 593 00:50:14,087 --> 00:50:18,205 Do you think John would have approved of this, Annie? Really? 594 00:50:18,287 --> 00:50:20,517 You didn't know John, you say? 595 00:50:20,607 --> 00:50:24,077 No, but I know that he was a good man, a decent man. 596 00:50:25,167 --> 00:50:29,080 If your concern is for the reputation of Knapely WI... 597 00:50:29,167 --> 00:50:32,477 - No, that's not what I'm saying. - Well, I think it is. 598 00:50:32,567 --> 00:50:36,003 The WI is about doing good. 599 00:50:36,087 --> 00:50:39,602 And I think we have to ask ourselves what does more good - 600 00:50:39,687 --> 00:50:44,078 knowing slightly more about broccoli one week than we did the last 601 00:50:44,167 --> 00:50:47,716 or providing some comfort for someone in the worst hours of their life? 602 00:50:47,807 --> 00:50:50,082 Because that's what it's like, sweetheart. 603 00:50:50,167 --> 00:50:54,080 And, no, I don't think you do know how I feel. 604 00:50:56,087 --> 00:50:58,078 (Chris) Annie! 605 00:50:58,767 --> 00:51:00,598 Result! 606 00:51:00,687 --> 00:51:03,121 Oh. Oh, hello, Marie. 607 00:51:03,207 --> 00:51:05,596 Sorry, were you...? 608 00:51:05,687 --> 00:51:08,884 I don't know. Marie, had you finished? 609 00:51:09,687 --> 00:51:13,646 You wanna put a penny in with those. They last longer. 610 00:51:13,727 --> 00:51:15,922 Chris. 611 00:51:16,007 --> 00:51:19,204 - (whispers) What was that about? - Don't ask. What's the result? 612 00:51:19,287 --> 00:51:21,755 - I've got us a sponsor. - What? 613 00:51:21,847 --> 00:51:24,839 (blows raspberry)... to the old farts at Carmichael's Seeds. 614 00:51:24,927 --> 00:51:27,725 Say hello to the lovely people at Jennings. 615 00:51:27,807 --> 00:51:28,717 The beer? 616 00:51:28,807 --> 00:51:31,480 - Printing costs and a press launch. - The beer people? 617 00:51:31,567 --> 00:51:34,923 All we have to do is put their little logo at the bottom of each page. 618 00:51:35,007 --> 00:51:39,637 No, but the seed company made sense cos, you know, John loved flowers. 619 00:51:39,727 --> 00:51:42,844 But he never drank beer, Chris. You know that. 620 00:51:42,927 --> 00:51:45,316 It's not about the beer. It's about their money. 621 00:51:45,407 --> 00:51:47,841 (phone rings) 622 00:51:57,407 --> 00:52:00,319 (Lawrence) There it is. Have a look. 623 00:52:00,407 --> 00:52:03,001 (Annie) It's beautiful. 624 00:52:09,447 --> 00:52:14,396 Hello, is this the Skipton News? Could I speak to your publicity person, please? 625 00:52:14,487 --> 00:52:16,478 I want to make an announcement. 626 00:52:16,567 --> 00:52:19,161 Madam Chairman, can I just... Sorry. 627 00:52:19,247 --> 00:52:22,683 Madam Chairman, I'm sorry. Sorry. 628 00:52:22,767 --> 00:52:24,439 - It's Knapely. - Sorry? 629 00:52:24,527 --> 00:52:26,563 - In Yorkshire. - Charming. 630 00:52:26,647 --> 00:52:30,526 Listen. I'm sorry to bother you in the middle of conference, 631 00:52:30,607 --> 00:52:34,839 but there's an issue come up at my WI which I feel duty-bound to inform you of. 632 00:52:34,927 --> 00:52:38,442 Well, you'll have to be brief. This way. 633 00:52:41,167 --> 00:52:44,796 - Bastard! - She wouldn't have done it deliberately. 634 00:52:44,887 --> 00:52:48,766 - The absolute, and I hate to use the word... - Well, don't then. 635 00:52:48,847 --> 00:52:51,805 - It might have just slipped out. - Oh, yes, to Brenda Mooney. 636 00:52:51,887 --> 00:52:55,846 Who happens to be Madam Chairman of the National WI Federation. 637 00:52:55,927 --> 00:52:57,246 We could... 638 00:52:57,327 --> 00:53:00,444 I mean, Marie has deliberately poured poison down there. 639 00:53:00,527 --> 00:53:04,679 - Well, we'll just... - Do what, Ruth? Please tell me. 640 00:53:04,767 --> 00:53:08,646 Seeing as 500 calendars are being printed as we speak. 641 00:53:08,727 --> 00:53:12,561 If we can't use the name Women's Institute, we just don't use it. 642 00:53:12,647 --> 00:53:16,356 If it's not the Women's Institute, it's just a load of middle-aged women 643 00:53:16,447 --> 00:53:20,645 mysteriously standing naked behind fruitcakes. 644 00:53:23,047 --> 00:53:26,642 Oh, my God! It would look like pornography! 645 00:53:31,887 --> 00:53:33,957 But I don't know what's on the order form. 646 00:53:34,047 --> 00:53:37,676 It's under the tin can where the bent nail used to be. 647 00:53:37,767 --> 00:53:40,839 You're gonna have to sort this one out on your own, sweetheart. 648 00:53:40,927 --> 00:53:43,805 Why? Where the hell are you? 649 00:53:43,887 --> 00:53:48,756 Tell you later. I'll be back tonight for the press conference. Bye! 650 00:53:52,367 --> 00:53:56,440 Oh, uh, Chris Harper and Annie Clarke from Knapely to see Brenda Mooney. 651 00:53:56,527 --> 00:53:59,200 - Are you official delegates? - Yes, from Knapely. 652 00:53:59,287 --> 00:54:03,599 - Yes, from Knapely. - And you're here to do an open spot? 653 00:54:03,687 --> 00:54:06,724 - Right. Follow me. - We're in. 654 00:54:09,167 --> 00:54:12,443 - What's an open spot? Sounds painful. - I don't know. 655 00:54:12,527 --> 00:54:15,280 - Very last minute. Go on straight away. - On where? 656 00:54:15,367 --> 00:54:16,880 Don't know. 657 00:54:18,327 --> 00:54:20,795 - Which WI are you? - We're from Knapely. 658 00:54:20,887 --> 00:54:23,276 There are lots of them. 659 00:54:25,927 --> 00:54:30,079 Um, Brenda... Sorry. Madam Chairperson... 660 00:54:30,167 --> 00:54:32,920 - "Conference" please. - Sorry? I beg your pardon? 661 00:54:33,007 --> 00:54:35,475 Address the whole conference, please. 662 00:54:35,567 --> 00:54:37,558 Oh... 663 00:54:46,927 --> 00:54:49,600 Go on. You can do it. 664 00:54:49,687 --> 00:54:54,681 The final open spot of the morning is the delegate from Knappely. 665 00:54:54,767 --> 00:54:56,758 - Knapely. - Knapely. 666 00:55:01,887 --> 00:55:03,878 I... 667 00:55:04,847 --> 00:55:06,599 Uh... 668 00:55:06,687 --> 00:55:12,683 We wanted to come to ask approval from... 669 00:55:14,847 --> 00:55:16,838 well, from you all. 670 00:55:18,807 --> 00:55:23,198 We want to do a WI calendar 671 00:55:23,287 --> 00:55:27,360 which raises enough money to buy, um... 672 00:55:28,687 --> 00:55:33,238 a chair or a seat, a sofa, or... 673 00:55:34,087 --> 00:55:37,045 well, anything, really... 674 00:55:42,527 --> 00:55:44,518 Sorry. 675 00:55:49,127 --> 00:55:50,845 Um... 676 00:55:50,927 --> 00:55:54,203 OK, so, the thing is here, 677 00:55:54,287 --> 00:55:59,520 is that the hospital local to us in Knapely is where my John... 678 00:56:02,367 --> 00:56:04,358 where... 679 00:56:07,407 --> 00:56:09,398 my husband... 680 00:56:16,167 --> 00:56:19,603 Thank you. Knapely, best of luck with the settee. Now... 681 00:56:19,687 --> 00:56:23,077 No, no, no. Just hold on. Just hold on a minute with your red light. 682 00:56:23,167 --> 00:56:26,955 Sorry, does the other member from Knapely want to say something? 683 00:56:27,047 --> 00:56:30,119 Yes, because she's about to commit heresy. 684 00:56:31,087 --> 00:56:33,476 Hello. Here we go. 685 00:56:34,847 --> 00:56:38,442 - Oh, God. - Look, I hate plum jam. 686 00:56:38,527 --> 00:56:40,836 (laughter) 687 00:56:42,207 --> 00:56:44,960 I only joined the WI to make my mother happy. 688 00:56:45,047 --> 00:56:49,563 I do, I hate plum jam. I'm crap at cakes, I can't make sponge. 689 00:56:49,647 --> 00:56:53,765 In fact, seeing as it's unlikely that George Clooney would actually come to Skipton 690 00:56:53,847 --> 00:56:56,122 to do a talk on what it was like to be in ER, 691 00:56:56,207 --> 00:57:00,086 there seems very little reason for me to actually stay in the WI. 692 00:57:00,167 --> 00:57:06,879 Except suddenly... suddenly I want to raise money in memory of a man I loved, 693 00:57:06,967 --> 00:57:10,562 and to do that I'm prepared to take me clothes off for a WI calendar, 694 00:57:10,647 --> 00:57:14,356 and if you can't give us 10 minutes of your time, Madam Chairman, 695 00:57:14,447 --> 00:57:18,235 well then, frankly, guys, I'm going to do it without council approval. 696 00:57:18,327 --> 00:57:23,162 Because there are some things that are more important than council approval. 697 00:57:23,247 --> 00:57:26,956 And if it means that we get closer to killing off 698 00:57:27,047 --> 00:57:33,964 this shitty, cheating, sly, conniving bloody disease that cancer is, 699 00:57:34,047 --> 00:57:38,438 oh, God, I tell you, I'd run round Skipton market naked, smeared in plum jam, 700 00:57:38,527 --> 00:57:45,080 wearing nothing but a knitted tea cosy on me head and singing "Jerusalem". 701 00:57:56,487 --> 00:57:58,762 Let's break. 702 00:57:58,847 --> 00:58:01,122 10 minutes. 703 00:58:14,487 --> 00:58:17,320 We don't do nudity. 704 00:58:17,407 --> 00:58:21,798 But we do do charity. Can I assume this is a local fundraiser 705 00:58:21,887 --> 00:58:24,845 and you're not gonna be making too big a hoo-ha out of it? 706 00:58:24,927 --> 00:58:27,395 In which case, it's a branch matter, 707 00:58:27,487 --> 00:58:32,481 and I can leave any decision in the hands of your branch president. 708 00:58:32,567 --> 00:58:34,558 - Thank you. - Thank you. 709 00:58:40,367 --> 00:58:42,358 Oh, sod it. Go on, then. 710 00:58:54,367 --> 00:58:58,280 Evening News? Morning Herald? Did you invite the journalist from the Gazette? 711 00:58:58,367 --> 00:59:02,565 - (Annie) Yes. - Actually, so did I. Here we go. 712 00:59:02,647 --> 00:59:05,639 (Annie) Thank you. Keep the change. 713 00:59:06,647 --> 00:59:09,286 Oh, my God. It's half past. Come on. 714 00:59:09,367 --> 00:59:12,404 The girls will have done half the press conference by now. 715 00:59:12,487 --> 00:59:16,162 Right, where are we? I think it's down here. Come on. 716 00:59:31,367 --> 00:59:37,078 How many press releases did I send out? How many sodding press releases? 717 00:59:37,167 --> 00:59:41,922 Bloody local paper! What bigger than this has happened in Knapely tonight? 718 00:59:42,007 --> 00:59:46,080 Oh, don't tell me. Someone's grown a U-shaped marrow. 719 00:59:49,047 --> 00:59:52,119 We're going to lose money, aren't we? 720 00:59:53,047 --> 00:59:57,757 Not only are we not going to raise it, we're actually going to lose it. 721 00:59:57,847 --> 01:00:02,637 Well, I suppose we did promise it wouldn't be a big hoo-ha. 722 01:00:02,727 --> 01:00:04,922 We tried. 723 01:00:05,007 --> 01:00:08,079 At least you made that speech. 724 01:00:08,167 --> 01:00:11,159 Yeah. Well, it's not enough, Annie. 725 01:00:14,287 --> 01:00:17,040 I'd rather not have tried than have to face Marie and say 726 01:00:17,127 --> 01:00:23,521 "Oh, no. Actually, yes, you were right. It was another one of Chris's ideas." 727 01:00:24,487 --> 01:00:27,126 "And what's worse" - this is a good one - 728 01:00:27,207 --> 01:00:31,280 "to add insult to injury, I took me clothes off and no one was interested." 729 01:00:31,367 --> 01:00:34,040 - You after the WI thing? - Yes. 730 01:00:34,127 --> 01:00:36,766 Had to spill over. They're in t'ballroom. 731 01:00:44,687 --> 01:00:48,362 (Celia)... giving the game away to say we did have the odd glass of wine. 732 01:00:48,447 --> 01:00:50,756 Oh, here they are! 733 01:00:52,727 --> 01:00:56,197 (# "Sloop John B" - instrumental version) 734 01:02:03,927 --> 01:02:06,395 - Chris! - Chris, can you...? 735 01:02:07,127 --> 01:02:08,606 (Chris) Ooh! Ooh! 736 01:02:13,887 --> 01:02:16,879 You're nude in The Telegraph, dear. 737 01:02:19,487 --> 01:02:22,081 Can you pass the bacon? 738 01:02:43,327 --> 01:02:45,921 - Open up, Maya, love, will ya? - I have, Mum. 739 01:02:46,007 --> 01:02:47,998 We're full. 740 01:02:55,367 --> 01:02:57,119 (laughs) 741 01:02:57,207 --> 01:03:02,281 One minute the dressing gown was on, and the next it was just me and the hat. 742 01:03:02,367 --> 01:03:04,642 I'm here in the Yorkshire village of Knapely, 743 01:03:04,727 --> 01:03:07,719 where the Women's Institute have not only been raising money, 744 01:03:07,807 --> 01:03:10,844 but raising eyebrows by stripping for a charity calendar. 745 01:03:10,927 --> 01:03:13,316 I'm thinking of taking it up professionally. 746 01:03:13,407 --> 01:03:14,999 What's your family think? 747 01:03:15,087 --> 01:03:19,922 I was worried my daughter would be embarrassed, but she talked me into it. 748 01:03:20,007 --> 01:03:22,601 Any magazine offers? 749 01:03:22,687 --> 01:03:24,678 It's his village, is Knapely. 750 01:03:24,767 --> 01:03:27,156 House he grew up in was in Embsay Lane. 751 01:03:27,247 --> 01:03:31,923 And that church up there is where we got married. Hiya, Jessie! 752 01:03:32,007 --> 01:03:35,124 Sorry. Sorry. Miss September. 753 01:03:35,207 --> 01:03:38,358 It's done me the world of good. 754 01:03:40,967 --> 01:03:44,403 - So, Chris, what gave you the idea? - (door bell) 755 01:03:44,487 --> 01:03:46,239 Excuse me. 756 01:03:48,287 --> 01:03:53,077 Hello, dear. I brought my journalists to meet your journalists. 757 01:03:53,887 --> 01:03:56,037 Hello. 758 01:03:56,127 --> 01:04:00,120 ...to... to... to develop ideas and to have them... 759 01:04:00,207 --> 01:04:05,520 You know, after all, the WI is about education and empowerment of women. 760 01:04:05,607 --> 01:04:07,563 It's not just jam and "Jerusalem". 761 01:04:07,647 --> 01:04:10,366 The WI nude calendar? 762 01:04:10,447 --> 01:04:12,642 No, love, sorry. 763 01:04:12,727 --> 01:04:15,924 But I definitely sent you a batch of 50. 764 01:04:16,007 --> 01:04:19,204 Look. Look, Minstergate Bookshop, York. 50. 765 01:04:19,287 --> 01:04:22,518 And I got 'em, love, and I put 'em out at nine o'clock, 766 01:04:22,607 --> 01:04:25,485 and at ten past nine we'd sold out. 767 01:04:29,287 --> 01:04:31,881 Thanks very much. Thank you! 768 01:04:33,447 --> 01:04:35,915 Annie! 769 01:04:36,127 --> 01:04:37,845 Annie! 770 01:04:38,847 --> 01:04:44,285 We've got to order more calendars! We're down to the last 25. 771 01:04:46,127 --> 01:04:49,324 - What is it? - They were waiting for me. 772 01:04:49,407 --> 01:04:52,001 - Who? - When I got back. 773 01:05:00,127 --> 01:05:02,641 Oh, my God! 774 01:05:04,807 --> 01:05:07,082 Read this, Chris. 775 01:05:13,287 --> 01:05:16,677 It's happened to them, just like it's happened to me. 776 01:05:17,607 --> 01:05:19,598 I'm going to help them. 777 01:05:22,767 --> 01:05:28,046 "And your photo made me smile for the first time in 15 months." 778 01:05:28,127 --> 01:05:31,915 "Now I smile whenever I see the calendar." 779 01:05:32,007 --> 01:05:35,477 "Thank you, girls, for your bravery and beauty." 780 01:05:35,567 --> 01:05:37,637 "Best wishes, Vera Mason." 781 01:05:37,727 --> 01:05:40,560 "It reminded me so of Eileen." 782 01:05:40,647 --> 01:05:44,003 "You seemed to have the same spirit she had." 783 01:05:44,087 --> 01:05:47,841 "I know she would have howled with laughter at your photographs." 784 01:05:47,927 --> 01:05:51,203 "Thank you again. Looking forward to the next." 785 01:05:54,647 --> 01:05:59,960 "I'm currently in the high security wing of Her Majesty's Prison Barlinnie in Scotland, 786 01:06:00,047 --> 01:06:04,723 and was mightily impressed by the sheer size of your..." 787 01:06:08,207 --> 01:06:10,198 It's on! Look! It's on! 788 01:06:12,447 --> 01:06:15,007 ...has been speaking to the instigator 789 01:06:15,087 --> 01:06:19,205 of the world's first nude WI calendar, Chris Harper. 790 01:06:19,287 --> 01:06:21,926 (reporter) So, Chris, tell us how it all came about, 791 01:06:22,007 --> 01:06:25,920 cos you wouldn't normally associate the Women's Institute with nudity. 792 01:06:26,007 --> 01:06:31,445 No, the usual image of the WI calendar is of plums and jam and country views. 793 01:06:31,527 --> 01:06:35,440 We thought if glamour photographers can do it on a beach in Bangkok, 794 01:06:35,527 --> 01:06:39,440 we can do it in a church hall near Skipton. 795 01:06:44,287 --> 01:06:45,925 Fantastic. 796 01:06:49,767 --> 01:06:52,156 I was trying to get in there. 797 01:06:53,647 --> 01:06:55,877 Middle age didn't put them off stripping off, 798 01:06:55,967 --> 01:06:59,277 and now these women are hogging the headlines across the north. 799 01:06:59,367 --> 01:07:04,202 Chris Harper's behind it. Rather than fall back on the usual twee landscape scenes, 800 01:07:04,287 --> 01:07:08,485 she talked her friends into posing nude for the local Women's Institute calendar. 801 01:07:08,567 --> 01:07:12,321 Not quite the jam and "Jerusalem" the ladies are usually known for. 802 01:07:12,407 --> 01:07:16,446 Chris says their husbands will never look at their wives in the same way again. 803 01:07:16,527 --> 01:07:22,477 Neither will the other members of this quiet little Dales community. 804 01:08:11,487 --> 01:08:13,762 - Where you going? - It's Thursday. 805 01:08:13,847 --> 01:08:16,441 But you just got back from the conference. 806 01:08:16,527 --> 01:08:20,964 - Eddie, I've got a surprise for you. - I've had it. 807 01:08:21,047 --> 01:08:24,244 I got it when someone turned round in t'petrol queue and said 808 01:08:24,327 --> 01:08:27,524 "Isn't this tart with her tits out your wife?" 809 01:08:34,167 --> 01:08:36,158 Eddie. 810 01:08:36,767 --> 01:08:40,157 Eddie, I didn't do it just to... I just... 811 01:08:40,247 --> 01:08:42,238 Eddie! 812 01:08:48,767 --> 01:08:51,122 - Burston wedding today. - Morning, Jem. 813 01:08:51,207 --> 01:08:54,085 - I'm Gaz. - And we've got another order. 814 01:08:54,167 --> 01:08:58,285 It's a massive order, Chris. Guy's comin' round at 4.30. 815 01:08:58,367 --> 01:09:00,517 Got a meeting. 816 01:09:00,607 --> 01:09:02,882 - When are you back? - Later. Bye! 817 01:09:02,967 --> 01:09:04,958 When later? 818 01:09:06,007 --> 01:09:07,645 Anyone seen Jem? 819 01:09:12,127 --> 01:09:15,278 Normally more than one of you, is there? 820 01:09:15,367 --> 01:09:17,358 Aye. Sorry. 821 01:09:18,407 --> 01:09:22,764 But my wife, she's a bit busy at the moment. 822 01:09:22,847 --> 01:09:24,838 - Kids? - No. 823 01:09:26,127 --> 01:09:31,201 It's some WI calendar thing she's organised. She's on a chat show. 824 01:09:31,287 --> 01:09:34,279 Not the calendar? The nude one? 825 01:09:34,367 --> 01:09:35,959 Aye. 826 01:09:36,047 --> 01:09:40,359 We just bought one. My wife came home. Seriously, it's fantastic. 827 01:09:40,447 --> 01:09:42,597 I'll tell her. 828 01:09:42,687 --> 01:09:46,726 So, I've bought flowers off Mr... 829 01:09:46,807 --> 01:09:49,401 Come on, then, which one is she? 830 01:09:50,367 --> 01:09:52,358 January. 831 01:09:52,447 --> 01:09:56,520 Suppose you're getting sick of all this, are you? 832 01:09:59,967 --> 01:10:02,435 (Gaz) Oi, give us some of that. 833 01:10:07,567 --> 01:10:08,556 Ugh. 834 01:10:08,647 --> 01:10:12,117 I thought I'd find you here. You all right? 835 01:10:14,087 --> 01:10:16,282 You got any money? 836 01:10:16,367 --> 01:10:20,565 What is funny, between you and me, some of the blokes... 837 01:10:20,647 --> 01:10:25,198 Frank, his wife would hardly undress in front of him before. 838 01:10:25,287 --> 01:10:29,360 And now, apparently, you know... 839 01:10:33,887 --> 01:10:40,725 I was saying, it's not had that effect in our bedroom, I can tell ya. Hardly see her. 840 01:10:41,327 --> 01:10:44,637 Sorry, I can't resist this. Mr January. 841 01:10:44,727 --> 01:10:46,524 You don't mind, do you? 842 01:10:46,607 --> 01:10:50,566 Aye. As long as I don't have to take me clothes off. 843 01:10:53,807 --> 01:10:59,165 - # I will not cease from mental fight - (phone rings) 844 01:10:59,247 --> 01:11:04,844 # Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand 845 01:11:04,927 --> 01:11:10,763 # Till we have built Jerusalem 846 01:11:10,847 --> 01:11:13,600 (Chris) I'll tell ya. It's unbelievable. 847 01:11:13,687 --> 01:11:18,397 Well, for the last two hours, I have been exchanging phone calls... 848 01:11:19,727 --> 01:11:21,160 with Hollywood. 849 01:11:21,247 --> 01:11:22,839 What, the real one? 850 01:11:22,927 --> 01:11:26,237 No, Celia. The chocolate one. Yes, the real one. 851 01:11:26,327 --> 01:11:28,238 From who? 852 01:11:28,327 --> 01:11:32,479 From the studio of a show with a man whose name I've forgotten. 853 01:11:32,567 --> 01:11:35,365 They're not coming all the way from America? 854 01:11:35,447 --> 01:11:36,721 No. 855 01:11:36,807 --> 01:11:38,923 They're going to do it on the phone? 856 01:11:39,007 --> 01:11:42,841 No. They only do face-to-face interviews. 857 01:11:42,927 --> 01:11:46,283 If they won't come here and won't do it on the phone, how are they... 858 01:11:46,367 --> 01:11:48,801 Oh, my God. 859 01:11:48,887 --> 01:11:51,276 We're going to Hollywood. 860 01:11:54,127 --> 01:11:55,845 You're joking. 861 01:11:57,007 --> 01:11:59,396 Reynoldson, with a Y. 862 01:12:01,447 --> 01:12:03,642 Oh, he's there. 863 01:12:03,727 --> 01:12:07,720 Oh, please. Could you put me through to his room? 864 01:12:12,727 --> 01:12:14,718 Eddie? 865 01:12:21,487 --> 01:12:23,876 (giggling) 866 01:12:24,727 --> 01:12:29,801 (gruff accent) "Your toilet was broken, but I've fixed it now." 867 01:12:31,887 --> 01:12:33,684 All right, lads. 868 01:12:35,327 --> 01:12:40,242 - Can I help you, Officer? - You can put that joint out for a start. 869 01:12:46,047 --> 01:12:49,960 - Hollywood? - It's not for fun. It's really important. 870 01:12:50,047 --> 01:12:54,438 I mean, if we get on the telly in America, it's fantastic publicity. 871 01:12:54,527 --> 01:12:58,122 I mean, just imagine, the whole of America. 872 01:12:59,407 --> 01:13:03,116 What about our business, Chris? Or is that not important? 873 01:13:05,327 --> 01:13:07,363 (phone rings) 874 01:13:13,127 --> 01:13:15,118 Can you get that? 875 01:13:17,527 --> 01:13:19,518 I'm in a meeting. 876 01:13:19,607 --> 01:13:21,598 Hello. Flower-Power. 877 01:13:25,287 --> 01:13:28,757 It won't be anything serious. He'll be all right. 878 01:13:30,407 --> 01:13:32,637 - They're not charging him. - Oh, thank God. 879 01:13:32,727 --> 01:13:34,718 Is it not illegal then? 880 01:13:34,807 --> 01:13:39,005 Well, cannabis is, but they tend not to worry too much about oregano. 881 01:13:39,087 --> 01:13:41,840 Right, right. 882 01:13:43,007 --> 01:13:46,602 Oh, Jem, you stupid... you stupid... 883 01:13:46,687 --> 01:13:50,077 - Thanks, Mum. - Jem... 884 01:13:50,167 --> 01:13:52,681 I'll go. We've already had a little father-and-son. 885 01:13:52,767 --> 01:13:56,157 Anyway, you've got to sign something before we can go. 886 01:13:56,247 --> 01:13:59,637 - Jem! - Would you like to come this way? 887 01:13:59,727 --> 01:14:03,640 Yes, all right. Oh, thanks. 888 01:14:14,967 --> 01:14:17,640 - Thanks very much. - Good night. 889 01:14:18,887 --> 01:14:20,878 Where is it? Where the hell is it? 890 01:14:20,967 --> 01:14:23,435 Ah, passport. 891 01:14:24,887 --> 01:14:27,321 I'm hoping they'll let me in with a few calendars. 892 01:14:27,407 --> 01:14:31,036 After we've been on American telly, we might be able to shift a few. 893 01:14:31,127 --> 01:14:34,642 No, wait a minute. The holidays are all different there, aren't they? 894 01:14:34,727 --> 01:14:40,040 Well, maybe we'll have to do a reprint. You know, the American version. 895 01:14:40,127 --> 01:14:41,879 So... 896 01:14:41,967 --> 01:14:44,401 Your son's been arrested. 897 01:14:45,767 --> 01:14:47,598 Yes, I know. 898 01:14:47,687 --> 01:14:50,838 And released, Annie, with 10g of oregano. 899 01:14:50,927 --> 01:14:54,363 The only thing that'd be dangerous in is a quiche. 900 01:14:54,447 --> 01:14:58,122 But he thought it was drugs, Chris. 901 01:14:58,207 --> 01:15:02,041 Do you want to stay? Find out why? 902 01:15:05,367 --> 01:15:07,358 Yes, I do, obviously, but... 903 01:15:10,287 --> 01:15:14,166 The woman in the studio contacted me. I'm the one who... 904 01:15:14,247 --> 01:15:17,000 Chris, Chris, we can cope. 905 01:15:18,247 --> 01:15:20,920 We're big girls. 906 01:15:21,007 --> 01:15:23,601 Particularly Celia. 907 01:15:55,847 --> 01:15:57,838 Hello. 908 01:15:58,847 --> 01:16:02,157 I was wondering if you could quote me for some carpets. 909 01:16:03,927 --> 01:16:08,921 You do sell carpets? You are the owner of a carpet warehouse? 910 01:16:09,007 --> 01:16:11,680 - Sorry. I'm with someone. - I know. 911 01:16:11,767 --> 01:16:14,645 My husband. 912 01:16:17,287 --> 01:16:22,315 I just came to llkley to see what I wasn't as good as. 913 01:16:23,527 --> 01:16:25,882 OK. Well, you've done that now. 914 01:16:28,087 --> 01:16:32,444 He told me you were the manager of a carpet warehouse. 915 01:16:32,527 --> 01:16:34,916 He told me you were dead. 916 01:16:37,327 --> 01:16:40,160 I think maybe I have been. 917 01:16:40,247 --> 01:16:42,442 You are looking good, baby. 918 01:16:42,527 --> 01:16:47,476 Sorry. Which one of us are you talking about, Eddie? 919 01:16:47,567 --> 01:16:52,482 The one that makes a tart of herself by taking her clothes off, or me? 920 01:16:52,567 --> 01:16:54,683 Sod off. Eddie? 921 01:16:54,767 --> 01:16:58,476 No, no. You stay and enjoy yourselves. 922 01:16:58,567 --> 01:17:00,956 I'm off to Hollywood. 923 01:17:03,767 --> 01:17:05,758 Eddie? 924 01:17:09,127 --> 01:17:12,324 Sorry I'm late! Frank was so slow. 925 01:17:12,407 --> 01:17:15,444 Bloody hell, Celia! How many frocks? 926 01:17:15,527 --> 01:17:21,238 ...or you'll be flooded out. And if anything goes wrong, phone your Auntie Sophie. 927 01:17:21,847 --> 01:17:24,441 (Cora) You going to say "Don't do anything I wouldn't do"? 928 01:17:24,527 --> 01:17:26,802 You already have, Mam. 929 01:17:26,887 --> 01:17:29,117 Right, everyone. Has everyone got a ticket? 930 01:17:29,207 --> 01:17:30,765 Yes. 931 01:17:30,847 --> 01:17:32,724 - A passport? - Yes. 932 01:17:32,807 --> 01:17:34,923 A lying snake for a husband? 933 01:17:36,207 --> 01:17:38,402 No? Only me there, then. 934 01:17:39,047 --> 01:17:41,038 Let's go! 935 01:17:41,767 --> 01:17:43,280 Come on. 936 01:17:44,727 --> 01:17:48,515 Hollywood, please, on your shiniest plane. 937 01:17:52,567 --> 01:17:56,355 Sorry, ladies. You've come to the wrong desk. 938 01:17:59,487 --> 01:18:01,284 I have asked four people. 939 01:18:01,367 --> 01:18:05,155 Each of them said we could check in for the flight to Los Angeles at any desk. 940 01:18:05,247 --> 01:18:08,125 We have queued for 20 minutes in the only queue, 941 01:18:08,207 --> 01:18:11,244 and we were directed to your desk by your representative. 942 01:18:11,327 --> 01:18:14,205 Where precisely have we gone wrong? 943 01:18:14,287 --> 01:18:17,518 There was no need to queue, madam. You're all flying upper class. 944 01:18:17,607 --> 01:18:21,805 - You've been upgraded. - We're going first class! 945 01:18:24,247 --> 01:18:27,523 - I can check you in here if you like. - Thank you, dear. 946 01:18:27,607 --> 01:18:30,599 What a nice girl. I knew she was a nice girl. 947 01:18:34,167 --> 01:18:39,002 - Celia, press the white button on the right. - I am doing. 948 01:18:39,087 --> 01:18:42,796 - On the right. The white one. - Bye-bye! 949 01:18:42,887 --> 01:18:46,641 - Cheerio. I'm going right under you, Celia. - Fantastic. 950 01:18:50,207 --> 01:18:52,801 I got my foot stuck now. Ow! 951 01:20:05,567 --> 01:20:07,558 (Ruth) Where are we, Cora? 952 01:20:07,647 --> 01:20:10,366 - Hey, this is Sunset Strip! - No! 953 01:20:18,327 --> 01:20:21,239 - Cheerio, gals. I'll see you later. - What are you doing? 954 01:20:21,327 --> 01:20:23,841 - I'm going up. - Be careful. 955 01:20:23,927 --> 01:20:25,918 It's lovely. Come up. 956 01:20:30,447 --> 01:20:32,881 Hollywood! We're here! 957 01:20:32,967 --> 01:20:35,037 Get down! Stop messing about. 958 01:20:50,167 --> 01:20:53,762 - Good afternoon, ladies. - Thank you, Ashley, I'll handle this. 959 01:20:53,847 --> 01:20:56,156 Good afternoon. Welcome to Los Angeles. 960 01:20:56,247 --> 01:20:59,717 - It's our first time here. - Is that right? 961 01:20:59,807 --> 01:21:03,197 - Clarke. The name's Clarke. - Mrs Clarke. 962 01:21:03,287 --> 01:21:05,881 Or should I call you Miss February? 963 01:21:07,007 --> 01:21:10,682 I saw your picture in the paper this morning. 964 01:21:13,407 --> 01:21:17,878 Thank you, ma'am. Now, I'll just talk you through the facilities, OK? 965 01:21:17,967 --> 01:21:19,195 Right. 966 01:21:19,287 --> 01:21:21,801 Now, there are two televisions, 967 01:21:21,887 --> 01:21:24,799 one on each end, both of which have cable TV, 968 01:21:24,887 --> 01:21:27,003 Internet access and movies on demand. 969 01:21:27,087 --> 01:21:29,521 Now, there's also a full bar here, 970 01:21:29,607 --> 01:21:34,203 but if you need anything special, don't hesitate to call downstairs and we'll... 971 01:21:34,287 --> 01:21:37,245 - Is everything OK, ma'am? - Yeah, no, it's fine. 972 01:21:37,327 --> 01:21:41,002 It's just I'm a bit tired. I'd like to go to my room now, really. 973 01:21:41,087 --> 01:21:45,524 This is the hotel's master suite, ma'am. This is your room. 974 01:21:49,607 --> 01:21:52,644 Come on, I'll show you downstairs. It's beautiful. 975 01:21:52,727 --> 01:21:56,879 (# "The Way You Do The Things You Do" by The Temptations) 976 01:22:03,847 --> 01:22:07,522 (Ruth) Have you been in your bathroom? Me too! I'm in the bath! 977 01:22:07,607 --> 01:22:12,158 And the bubbles, they're Christian Dior. The bath bubbles! They're Christian Dior! 978 01:22:12,247 --> 01:22:16,843 - Do you think they'll charge us for it? - I hope not! 979 01:22:46,447 --> 01:22:50,326 Nice! Good. And then into the limo. 980 01:22:50,407 --> 01:22:54,002 Into the limo. That's very good. No, no, it's great. 981 01:22:54,087 --> 01:22:58,603 - Let me have a shot with you and the girls. - No, no. We gotta go. 982 01:22:58,687 --> 01:23:03,841 - Give him a kiss. Put your arm round him. - British women are taking me hostage. 983 01:23:07,287 --> 01:23:09,881 Right. 984 01:23:09,967 --> 01:23:13,562 - What are we doing first, then, eh? - Chris! 985 01:23:14,647 --> 01:23:17,320 I can't believe it! 986 01:23:17,407 --> 01:23:19,398 You look gorgeous! 987 01:23:44,927 --> 01:23:50,126 (photographer) Looking lovely! That's fantastic! OK! 988 01:23:50,647 --> 01:23:55,004 Great, ladies. OK, we got another section coming up. 989 01:23:55,087 --> 01:23:58,124 - Hey! Hold it, guys. Hold it. - Bye-bye! Thank you. 990 01:23:58,207 --> 01:24:03,076 Ladies, please! We got a whole new section to do here! Come on. 991 01:24:03,167 --> 01:24:05,158 Come on, ladies! 992 01:24:19,287 --> 01:24:25,886 It's the cover page, and then four pages about how I don't give him sex any more. 993 01:24:25,967 --> 01:24:30,836 I just had to get away. I mean, the press will be all over it by now. 994 01:24:30,927 --> 01:24:35,079 So Rod's having to deal with all that on his own, then, is he? 995 01:24:35,167 --> 01:24:37,761 Well, him and Jem. 996 01:24:38,927 --> 01:24:44,559 Slightly out of character, don't you think, for Rod, saying all that? 997 01:24:44,647 --> 01:24:47,525 Did he get tricked into it? 998 01:24:48,407 --> 01:24:50,716 Did you stay to find out? 999 01:24:51,727 --> 01:24:55,003 Or by that time was there a taxi waiting? 1000 01:24:55,807 --> 01:24:59,766 - Are you all right? - Oh, yeah. I'm fine. 1001 01:24:59,847 --> 01:25:02,680 Annie, Chris. This is Frank, Scott and John. 1002 01:25:02,767 --> 01:25:06,123 - They're in a band called Anthrax. - Hello. 1003 01:25:06,207 --> 01:25:09,802 Heard so much about you. We're really impressed with what you're doing. 1004 01:25:09,887 --> 01:25:12,959 - It's a great story. - We haven't heard anything about you. 1005 01:25:13,047 --> 01:25:15,117 I have. 1006 01:25:15,247 --> 01:25:18,523 (Chris) So, have you had a think about that, then? 1007 01:25:18,607 --> 01:25:22,680 Yes. Well, yes. It would be in that ballpark, yes. 1008 01:25:24,767 --> 01:25:30,239 Well, you know what? Let me talk with my associates, and I'll get back to you. Bye. 1009 01:25:30,327 --> 01:25:32,363 - Thank you. - (Annie) Who was on the phone? 1010 01:25:32,447 --> 01:25:34,039 - Very exciting. - (Annie) Who? 1011 01:25:34,127 --> 01:25:39,155 Very exciting. I'll tell you in make-up. We're dead close to a deal. Oh, look, that's him. 1012 01:25:39,287 --> 01:25:42,757 By the way, is it Lee-no or Leh-no? We've gotta get it right. 1013 01:25:42,847 --> 01:25:44,599 - Leh-no. - Are you sure? 1014 01:25:44,687 --> 01:25:46,962 - No, I think it's Lee-no. - Leh-no. 1015 01:25:47,047 --> 01:25:51,757 Not only will they sponsor the calendar in America to the tune of $30,000, 1016 01:25:51,847 --> 01:25:56,443 but guess who'll be filming in the studio next to the one we shoot the advert in? 1017 01:25:56,527 --> 01:25:58,006 What? 1018 01:25:58,087 --> 01:26:02,239 Guess who's filming in the studio next to the one we're going to shoot the advert in? 1019 01:26:02,327 --> 01:26:03,601 Advert? 1020 01:26:03,687 --> 01:26:08,363 Well, they sponsor us, we do their advert for washing powder. That's how it works. 1021 01:26:08,447 --> 01:26:10,642 George Clooney. 1022 01:26:10,727 --> 01:26:15,164 Can I have it straight like Jennifer Aniston? You know, in Friends. 1023 01:26:15,247 --> 01:26:19,877 Why would I dye just part of my head? It doesn't make any sense. 1024 01:26:20,767 --> 01:26:24,077 I do not dye my hair. You may have heard about my first guests. 1025 01:26:24,167 --> 01:26:27,955 They went from living a quaint, peaceful life in a small British town 1026 01:26:28,047 --> 01:26:30,197 to becoming nude calendar girls. 1027 01:26:30,287 --> 01:26:33,438 They're here tonight to tell us the story. This is the calendar. 1028 01:26:33,527 --> 01:26:39,284 Please welcome, from Knapely, England, the Calendar Girls. Let's bring them out. 1029 01:26:42,367 --> 01:26:46,485 Hello, girls. How are you? How are you? Good to see you. 1030 01:26:46,567 --> 01:26:49,161 Everybody's here. Have a seat. 1031 01:26:51,247 --> 01:26:53,886 Oh, just sit anywhere. 1032 01:26:53,967 --> 01:26:57,437 I'm curious. Have you girls been strippers all your lives? 1033 01:26:57,527 --> 01:27:01,361 - We're not strippers. - (Jay) Did you get drunk beforehand? 1034 01:27:01,447 --> 01:27:04,962 It was no big deal, you know. We've all got the same bits. 1035 01:27:05,047 --> 01:27:10,280 - The same bits? Yes. - (Chris) They're just different sizes. 1036 01:27:10,367 --> 01:27:13,484 Can I have some of them rice things? 1037 01:27:13,567 --> 01:27:15,523 - It's called sushi. - I know. 1038 01:27:15,607 --> 01:27:20,727 - It's all suggestive. - (Jay) I could make a few suggestions. 1039 01:27:20,807 --> 01:27:24,163 Well, ladies, it's fascinating. Good luck with your work. 1040 01:27:24,247 --> 01:27:29,401 And, please, if you would just try to encourage more women to get naked. 1041 01:27:29,487 --> 01:27:32,559 Thank you very much, the ladies of Knapely. 1042 01:27:35,767 --> 01:27:39,316 We do have to work some kind of order out when we're asked questions, 1043 01:27:39,407 --> 01:27:43,241 cos far too much of that you couldn't hear because everybody was talking. 1044 01:27:43,327 --> 01:27:46,478 (Chris) Annie? Annie? 1045 01:27:49,167 --> 01:27:52,637 What are you doing? You missed it. 1046 01:27:54,927 --> 01:27:58,317 We were just on television, the whole reason we came here. 1047 01:27:58,407 --> 01:28:02,082 I thought that was to get away from the press. 1048 01:28:22,807 --> 01:28:24,001 (Chris) Hello? 1049 01:28:25,847 --> 01:28:27,838 Hello? 1050 01:28:29,287 --> 01:28:31,755 Is there anyone there? 1051 01:28:35,567 --> 01:28:38,320 Ah, there they are! 1052 01:28:38,407 --> 01:28:40,682 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! 1053 01:28:40,767 --> 01:28:44,123 Welcome, ladies. How are we today? 1054 01:28:44,207 --> 01:28:46,641 - Fine. - Fantastic. Fabulendo. 1055 01:28:46,727 --> 01:28:52,006 My name is Danny. I'm the director. And which one of you is Chris? 1056 01:28:53,167 --> 01:28:55,317 You're Chris. 1057 01:28:55,407 --> 01:28:59,241 Hi. Exciting, hm? Yeah, yeah. 1058 01:28:59,327 --> 01:29:05,641 OK, now, just to let you know, what I've done is cleared the studio of excess men. 1059 01:29:05,727 --> 01:29:07,285 That's a shame. 1060 01:29:07,367 --> 01:29:11,997 I didn't want you walking around naked in front of a bunch of guys you didn't know. 1061 01:29:12,087 --> 01:29:13,884 Sorry? 1062 01:29:14,807 --> 01:29:20,837 We're doing the washing powder, right, hanging the washing on the line. 1063 01:29:20,927 --> 01:29:22,918 And naked behind. 1064 01:29:23,887 --> 01:29:26,526 I mean, there's not a problem with that, is there? 1065 01:29:26,607 --> 01:29:29,280 It is what you girls do, isn't it? 1066 01:29:32,327 --> 01:29:34,921 - Yeah. - Yes. Great. 1067 01:29:53,447 --> 01:29:56,120 Not now. I'm working. Go, go, go. 1068 01:29:57,567 --> 01:30:00,764 Great! Beautiful! I love this! 1069 01:30:03,247 --> 01:30:07,126 Ladies, the time is now. 1070 01:30:10,007 --> 01:30:12,282 Roxanne, Carol, hi. 1071 01:30:12,367 --> 01:30:15,677 - (Carol) Nice to see you. - Nice to see you. What do you think? 1072 01:30:15,767 --> 01:30:18,998 - It's great. - (Danny) Thank you very much. 1073 01:30:19,087 --> 01:30:22,443 - Is the agency happy? - We are. 1074 01:30:22,527 --> 01:30:24,006 (Danny) Thank you. 1075 01:30:26,047 --> 01:30:27,878 Annie! 1076 01:30:28,807 --> 01:30:30,957 We'll be just a moment. 1077 01:30:31,047 --> 01:30:33,038 Annie! 1078 01:30:35,247 --> 01:30:37,477 Annie. 1079 01:30:37,567 --> 01:30:44,200 Annie, this is for the calendar. We just do this, we get the calendar out in America. 1080 01:30:45,207 --> 01:30:48,005 - Look, are you gonna talk to me? - I need a shower. 1081 01:30:48,087 --> 01:30:50,647 - What? - Was it down here? 1082 01:30:50,727 --> 01:30:54,242 I feel dirty. Your washing powder made me feel dirty. 1083 01:30:54,327 --> 01:30:57,000 - My washing powder? - Down here. 1084 01:30:59,407 --> 01:31:03,958 Oh, I get it. I see. This is cos I've organised it, right? 1085 01:31:04,047 --> 01:31:09,440 Because I've made a success of getting us a sponsor and taken this out of being... 1086 01:31:09,527 --> 01:31:12,803 We're not just raising money for a relatives' room any more. 1087 01:31:12,887 --> 01:31:16,197 - We're taking on the bloody disease. - Red light's on, Chris! 1088 01:31:16,287 --> 01:31:18,357 You can't stand it, can you? 1089 01:31:18,447 --> 01:31:21,723 You cannot stand that I've made this calendar a success. 1090 01:31:21,807 --> 01:31:27,677 No, see, Chris, what's happened is this calendar's made you a success. 1091 01:31:30,487 --> 01:31:32,796 - What's that supposed to mean? - Where are we? 1092 01:31:32,887 --> 01:31:37,881 - Annie, what is that supposed to mean? - Don't ask me what it means, Chris! 1093 01:31:37,967 --> 01:31:42,882 When you're standing in a cardboard street talking about meeting George Clooney. 1094 01:31:42,967 --> 01:31:48,200 What's with all these letters? All this bloody Florence Nightingale, this agony aunt? 1095 01:31:48,287 --> 01:31:52,280 Doesn't that smack just a little bit of being a star? 1096 01:31:52,367 --> 01:31:56,724 Loads of people lose their partners to this disease. I bet they don't all get fan mail. 1097 01:31:56,807 --> 01:32:01,835 Doesn't that make you a little bit of a success, a successful bereaved woman? 1098 01:32:01,927 --> 01:32:06,000 A celebrity widow? St Annie of Knapely? 1099 01:32:06,767 --> 01:32:09,440 Eh? Eh? 1100 01:32:09,527 --> 01:32:11,722 I'm not a saint, 1101 01:32:11,807 --> 01:32:14,640 because I'd rob every penny from this calendar 1102 01:32:14,727 --> 01:32:18,402 if it would buy me just one more hour with him. 1103 01:32:19,767 --> 01:32:23,840 You've still got yours, and you're in Hollywood! 1104 01:33:40,407 --> 01:33:42,238 Oh, well... 1105 01:33:42,327 --> 01:33:44,124 (# "Jerusalem") 1106 01:33:44,207 --> 01:33:46,880 Oh, Lord! It's Thursday. 1107 01:33:46,967 --> 01:33:50,243 - Come on. - We've gotta get in there. 1108 01:33:50,447 --> 01:33:52,438 Are you coming? 1109 01:34:08,967 --> 01:34:10,958 Hello, love. 1110 01:34:13,047 --> 01:34:15,481 #... builded here 1111 01:34:15,567 --> 01:34:21,676 # Among those dark Satanic mills? 1112 01:34:22,487 --> 01:34:26,765 # Bring me my bow of burning gold... 1113 01:34:26,847 --> 01:34:30,442 (song peters out and women applaud) 1114 01:34:46,847 --> 01:34:48,838 How's Jem? 1115 01:34:49,687 --> 01:34:54,477 He made a quiche on Tuesday. We've been stoned ever since. 1116 01:34:57,727 --> 01:35:01,003 Don't worry, Chris. He'll be all right. 1117 01:35:04,927 --> 01:35:08,203 Look, Rod, I'm... I'm sorry. 1118 01:35:08,287 --> 01:35:11,120 - You don't have to apologise. - I do have to apologise. 1119 01:35:11,207 --> 01:35:15,598 Everything you said in the paper was true, wasn't it? 1120 01:35:15,687 --> 01:35:19,999 - I didn't know he was a journalist. - This isn't the point. 1121 01:35:20,087 --> 01:35:23,284 I mean, you still said it. Just why didn't you say it to me? 1122 01:35:23,367 --> 01:35:27,485 Why didn't you just, I don't know, shout out "What the bloody hell do you think..." 1123 01:35:27,567 --> 01:35:29,956 I know you'd have liked me to. 1124 01:35:31,167 --> 01:35:34,364 It'd suit your Hollywood story if I'd been "No bloody wife of mine!" 1125 01:35:34,447 --> 01:35:39,123 But I've not because... I actually think it's brilliant what you've done. 1126 01:35:40,847 --> 01:35:45,238 That's why I've stood behind you, and I've told your son to get over it and be proud, 1127 01:35:45,327 --> 01:35:48,239 because I actually wanted you to have all this. 1128 01:35:52,847 --> 01:35:54,519 Thank you. 1129 01:35:56,727 --> 01:36:03,041 Do me a bloody favour, get back in that hall and sort out what's wrong with Annie. 1130 01:36:03,127 --> 01:36:05,925 I don't know what to say to her. 1131 01:36:06,007 --> 01:36:11,400 She's your oldest friend, Chris. You don't have to say anything. 1132 01:36:16,527 --> 01:36:19,599 Sorry. Ladies, ladies. Would you... 1133 01:36:19,687 --> 01:36:21,564 Ladies, please. 1134 01:36:21,647 --> 01:36:24,161 Since we've stopped, as it happens, 1135 01:36:24,247 --> 01:36:30,322 today we've finally been sent the first figures for the sales of our calendar. 1136 01:36:30,407 --> 01:36:33,638 Come on. Where is it? Right, thank you. 1137 01:36:33,727 --> 01:36:39,757 It says here in this letter from Leukaemia Research Fund 1138 01:36:39,847 --> 01:36:42,236 that we've so far raised... 1139 01:36:43,167 --> 01:36:47,877 �286,000. 1140 01:36:47,967 --> 01:36:49,559 (gasping) 1141 01:36:49,647 --> 01:36:54,482 So a big round of applause to all of us for making it such a success. 1142 01:36:55,727 --> 01:36:59,117 We can get that sofa in the leather, then. 1143 01:37:10,247 --> 01:37:16,243 # And did those feet in ancient time 1144 01:37:16,327 --> 01:37:18,158 # Walk upon England's... 1145 01:37:18,247 --> 01:37:22,638 (Chris) I've put our names down for next month's speakers. 1146 01:37:22,727 --> 01:37:26,879 "Chris and Annie: What We Learned in Hollywood." 1147 01:37:26,967 --> 01:37:32,599 (Annie) You're lying. Colin Petley's coming from Keighley with his tea towel collection. 1148 01:37:32,687 --> 01:37:35,406 (Chris) Be still, my beating heart. 1149 01:37:35,487 --> 01:37:37,478 (both laugh) 1150 01:38:38,167 --> 01:38:41,637 - Anyone fancy some chips? - (all) Oh, yes!