1
00:00:18,818 --> 00:00:23,016
You can run, but you can't hide
from the Lord.

2
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,786
You can never
judge a woman with bad...

3
00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:12,897
Sarah Rose knows
you're a beautiful person.

4
00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:18,910
Sarah Rose knows
you have an unusual talent.

5
00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:24,042
Sarah Rose knows
you're a teenage girl.

6
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,882
And she definitely knows...

7
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:31,653
that you are ready for
the ultimate in teen glamour.

8
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:38,230
The American
Teen Princess Pageant!

9
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:41,028
And now, a few words
from last year's host...

10
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:43,433
Mr. Adam West!

11
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:45,961
The American
Teen Princess Pageant...

12
00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:51,875
has been enriching the lives of
American-made girls since 1945.

13
00:01:51,911 --> 00:01:54,539
The American
Teen Princess Pageant...

14
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:59,075
provides personal growth,
scholarship, travel!

15
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:02,953
And you might even meet
a few celebrities.

16
00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:04,286
Yes!

17
00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:05,791
At the national level...

18
00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:09,352
thousands of seventeen-year-old
girls like yourselves...

19
00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:12,398
compete around the country
in places like...

20
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:14,866
beautiful Mount Rose,
Minnesota...

21
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:18,894
and make it all the way
here to Lincoln, Alabama...

22
00:02:18,938 --> 00:02:23,068
to compete for the title
of American Teen Princess.

23
00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:26,545
So which one of you will it be?

24
00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:32,347
Like sands through the hourglass
so are the "Days Of Our Lives. "

25
00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:37,816
God, Iris, you taped
your shows over it.

26
00:02:37,857 --> 00:02:39,188
I'm sorry.

27
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,561
Now, ladies,
the rest of the tape...

28
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,034
which is now gone forever...

29
00:02:50,069 --> 00:02:53,334
goes on about starting
that great journey...

30
00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:56,501
which we call the American
Teen Princess Pageant.

31
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:58,272
So any of you young ladies...

32
00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:00,040
who'd like to start
on that journey...

33
00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:02,479
you just come right down here
and sign up.

34
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:05,416
And, please, help yourself
to some coffee and bars.

35
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,121
Showtime.

36
00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:12,054
Do you think
most people would say...

37
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:14,389
that teenage beauty pageants
are a good idea?

38
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:15,859
Oh, yeah, sure.

39
00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:17,556
I know what some of your
big-city, no-bra-wearin'...

40
00:03:17,630 --> 00:03:20,098
hairy-legged
women libbers might say.

41
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:21,600
They might say that a pageant...

42
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:24,000
is old-fashioned
and demeaning to the girls.

43
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,062
What's sick is women
dressing like men.

44
00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:27,697
You betcha, Iris.

45
00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:29,708
No, I think you boys
are going to find something...

46
00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:31,505
a little bit different
here in Mount Rose.

47
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,910
For one thing,
we're all God-fearin' folk.

48
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,676
Every last one of us.

49
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:40,084
And you will not find a
"back room" in our video store.

50
00:03:40,119 --> 00:03:43,247
No, that filth is better
left to the sin cities.

51
00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:45,348
A.k. a. Minneapolis, St. Paul.

52
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,548
Oh, yeah, sure.

53
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,015
Freda, sure.

54
00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:13,382
She was the oldest
living Lutheran.

55
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:16,149
Now she's as dead as a doornail.

56
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,714
It's the damn Shriners
who won't take down...

57
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:21,488
that goddamn sign,
the lazy sons of bitches.

58
00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:24,496
Every year... every damn year,
I tell 'em...

59
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:26,998
"Take down
the goddamn Freda sign...

60
00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:28,533
"you lazy sons of bitches!"

61
00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:45,947
Today's "to do" list includes
a trip to the Mall of America...

62
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:47,953
where we are going
to be buying outfits...

63
00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:49,352
for the physical fitness number.

64
00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:50,413
Nothing too showy.

65
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:52,048
No. You betcha, Iris.

66
00:04:52,091 --> 00:04:54,491
We need that third judge.
Gosh, don't let me forget...

67
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:55,754
We need to think of a theme.

68
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:58,228
Gladys, look out!

69
00:04:58,264 --> 00:05:00,232
Gosh darn it.
Hello, Father Dunegan.

70
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,029
Sidewalks? Sidewalks?

71
00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:06,163
Iris, stop it.
It's not his fault.

72
00:05:06,205 --> 00:05:09,766
The communal wine just proves
too tempting for some of them.

73
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,276
That's why we Lutherans
use grape Kool-Aid...

74
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,676
for the blood of Christ.

75
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:15,579
There's a parking space
over there.

76
00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:17,674
Oh, no.
That's just a compact. Sorry.

77
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:19,480
You'd think they'd have
the parking lot of America...

78
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:21,111
to go with the Mall of America.

79
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,884
It's a $200 fine!

80
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:26,892
I told you I would move the car
if a cripple came.

81
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:30,156
Now just run in the store
and pick out some outfits.

82
00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:31,253
All right, let's go.

83
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,798
Wait, wait, wait.

84
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:34,093
What?

85
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:35,828
I think I just thought
of the theme.

86
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:38,564
Oh, what?

87
00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:41,198
"Proud to be an American. "

88
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,539
So, what was the theme
of the pageant last year?

89
00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:47,341
Oh, that was "Buy American. "

90
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:49,143
And the year before that was...

91
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,377
"U.S.A. Is A-OK!"

92
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:54,181
And can you remember the theme
of your favorite pageant?

93
00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:56,211
Can I?

94
00:05:56,255 --> 00:05:58,052
"Amer-I Can!"

95
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:01,586
People ask me where I get this.

96
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:04,061
I don't know.
A gift from God or something.

97
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:16,401
Hi.

98
00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:20,105
Just introduce yourself
and tell us why...

99
00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:21,613
you're signing up
for the pageant.

100
00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:23,808
OK. Hi. Hi.

101
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:26,444
I'm Leslie Miller.

102
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:30,115
I'm signing up 'cause,
you know...

103
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:32,215
I always watch
the pageants on TV...

104
00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:35,421
and my boyfriend
thinks I'll win.

105
00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:37,053
For my talent,
I'm going to be doing...

106
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,722
You've been talking
to this guy long enough.

107
00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:40,789
I'm trying to tell him...

108
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:42,061
Now?

109
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,441
Hi, Pat.

110
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,965
Go Muskies!

111
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:59,082
Hi. I'm Amber Atkins,
and I'm signing up...

112
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:01,814
'cause my two favorite people
in the whole world...

113
00:07:01,854 --> 00:07:03,879
competed in pageants...

114
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,721
my mom and Diane Sawyer.

115
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,226
Course, I hope I end up...

116
00:07:08,294 --> 00:07:10,694
a little more like Diane Sawyer
than my mom.

117
00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:23,908
Do you do
any of the embalming?

118
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,468
Oh, my God, no. Oh, God.

119
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:28,446
I just do the hair and makeup
on the deceased.

120
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,117
I'm lucky I have
an afterschool job...

121
00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:33,618
where I can practice my talent.

122
00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:41,548
Oh, yeah, sure.
Every pageant is special...

123
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:46,963
but this one
is extra-super-special to me.

124
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:50,366
When I was seventeen...
I don't know if you know this...

125
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:56,672
I was crowned Mount Rose's
American Teen Princess...

126
00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,870
and this year...

127
00:07:58,911 --> 00:08:01,641
drumroll, please...

128
00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:06,744
my lovely daughter
Rebecca Ann Leeman is competing.

129
00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:09,616
Is this my mark?

130
00:08:11,524 --> 00:08:15,551
Hi. I'm Rebecca Leeman,
and I believe this pageant...

131
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,493
is an important experience
for every young woman.

132
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:19,657
It...

133
00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:22,701
Well, it teaches you what's
really important in life...

134
00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:25,704
and it has the power
to change you...

135
00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:27,729
in ways you've never dreamed of.

136
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:40,716
My mom gave me this nine-mill
for my thirteenth birthday.

137
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:43,449
Yeah. I'll always remember
what she wrote in the card.

138
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:45,514
"Jesus loves winners. "

139
00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:49,016
That's why no matter what I do,
I aim to win.

140
00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:58,330
Why?
Well, it's kinda like asking...

141
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:02,137
why all the guys chew
Copenhagen, you know?

142
00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:03,732
If you're seventeen...

143
00:09:03,776 --> 00:09:07,507
and you're not a total fry,
it's just what you do.

144
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:11,575
Have you decided what
your talent is going to be yet?

145
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:14,916
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I'm gonna sing and dance...

146
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:17,149
to "New York, New York. "

147
00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:19,953
I just fell in love with
the Big Apple last summer...

148
00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:22,392
when I was visiting
my brother Peter there.

149
00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:25,430
He followed his dream
all the way to New York.

150
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:28,763
Wait.

151
00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:32,703
Here's Peter as... Liza!

152
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,763
Here's him as Madonna.

153
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,469
As Barbara.

154
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:50,113
I don't know what
my talent's gonna be yet.

155
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:54,725
Kenny! Kenny, come.
Come, Kenny.

156
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:57,888
Oh, Kenny!
Oh, this is Kenny.

157
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,591
Spike, my German shepherd...

158
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:02,225
he went to live
with a nice family on a farm...

159
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:04,064
after he attacked me...

160
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,537
but it wasn't his fault,
was it, Kenny? No.

161
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:09,405
I had beef jerky
in my front pocket.

162
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,143
They remade my belly
with skin from my butt.

163
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:22,519
I was Mount Rose American
Teen Princess in 1945.

164
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:26,958
We were at war with the Japs.

165
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,188
Didn't even get to keep
my damn tiara.

166
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:32,822
I had to turn it in for scrap.

167
00:10:38,904 --> 00:10:44,365
So we adopt Molly three year ago
when we come to America...

168
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:47,937
to help acclimate us
to American.

169
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,210
To America, Dad.

170
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:55,151
She all-American girl.

171
00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:57,883
She our Teen American Princess.

172
00:10:57,923 --> 00:10:59,151
Oh, Ma.

173
00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:07,832
English!

174
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:10,368
Speak English,
you stupid little retard!

175
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:15,272
So, Molly, tell movie man
what you talent do.

176
00:11:15,307 --> 00:11:17,241
I'll be line dancing.

177
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:19,642
Country western!

178
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,647
Clint Black, ruff!

179
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:25,242
Hey, what he got that I not got?

180
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,854
So have you decided what
your talent is going to be...

181
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:31,254
for the pageant yet?

182
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:35,386
Yeah. I'll be doing
a dramatic monologue...

183
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:39,454
and right now
I'm thinking "Othello... "

184
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,329
or "Soylent Green... "

185
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:44,632
Well, my own version of it.

186
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:47,298
You know, a lot of girls
make a smooth transition...

187
00:11:47,339 --> 00:11:48,704
from pageants into acting.

188
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,333
Competing for the title...

189
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:54,813
of Minnesota's American Teen
Princess sure was exciting...

190
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:56,815
but I never could have won...

191
00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:59,841
without my Saint Paul
pork products.

192
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:04,117
I've been enjoying Saint Paul
pork products for years.

193
00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:06,989
I grew up right next
to these stockyards.

194
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:09,790
It's still the same
family-run business...

195
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:13,992
that Walter and Vera Pularski
started in 1920...

196
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:17,502
when they raised
and slaughtered their first pig.

197
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:25,237
I just love
Saint Paul pork products.

198
00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:28,269
In fact, I love 'em so much...

199
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,646
I work here now!

200
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,151
Oh, help yourself.

201
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,287
Thanks.

202
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,850
You're welcome.

203
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:43,918
My talent will be...

204
00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:45,361
an interpretive...

205
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,030
dance...

206
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:52,629
while I sign...

207
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:55,572
"Through the Eyes of Love. "

208
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,873
Yeah. Well, see...

209
00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:01,004
I have a dream...

210
00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:04,277
of spreading sign language...

211
00:13:04,316 --> 00:13:06,876
around the world.

212
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:13,551
Mom, will you be so kind?

213
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,892
Tammy Curry...

214
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,834
and I'm signing up
for the pageant...

215
00:13:25,871 --> 00:13:27,031
'cause of
the scholarships and all.

216
00:13:27,072 --> 00:13:29,040
This one's for varsity soccer.

217
00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:30,473
I'm captain.

218
00:13:30,509 --> 00:13:34,036
I run track, and right here
I'm the new president...

219
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:35,569
of the Lutheran
Sisterhood Gun Club.

220
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:38,014
Love that one.

221
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:44,989
Would you say...

222
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:47,083
you have a good chance
to win this pageant?

223
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:49,094
Yeah. You bet I do.

224
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:52,723
I mean, maybe other people think
I can't win a beauty pageant...

225
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:55,062
but other people didn't think
I could beat out...

226
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:59,560
Becky Leeman for president of
the gun club, either, and I did.

227
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:02,005
It's just like
Anthony Robbins says...

228
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:03,269
"I'm a winner.

229
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:06,073
"Nobody can stop me but me. "

230
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:20,247
Well, you know, I think
everybody's doing really well...

231
00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:22,658
considering the fact
she was so young.

232
00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:24,423
It's always hard to see
the young ones called home.

233
00:14:24,496 --> 00:14:27,488
Especially
on an exploding thresher.

234
00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:31,024
It's just so odd and gross.

235
00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:32,570
You know, sometimes...

236
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:35,836
it's hard to understand
God's great plan.

237
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,611
But the show must go on.

238
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,476
I gotta get ahold of Ted...

239
00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:43,538
and ask him if we can use that
barn light as a spot again...

240
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:45,743
so you watch
the Jell-O salad, OK?

241
00:14:45,784 --> 00:14:47,979
You girls gonna sign up
for the pageant this year?

242
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:50,011
I ain't gonna be
in no goddamn pageant.

243
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,023
Look what happened
to that dork-ass farm girl.

244
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,081
Tammy Curry?

245
00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:55,355
Yeah. Everyone says
this is a big accident?

246
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:57,395
She got iced
because she wins everything...

247
00:14:57,429 --> 00:14:59,454
and this time someone
didn't want her to win.

248
00:14:59,531 --> 00:15:01,055
This pageant's
like a Roach Motel.

249
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:03,101
Girls check in,
but they don't check out.

250
00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:06,103
Yeah, and they say smoking's
bad for your health.

251
00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:14,378
And... tendu, close.
Tendu, close.

252
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:17,007
Tendu, close, pli�.

253
00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:18,277
And repeat.

254
00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:19,579
Tendu...

255
00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:21,643
Suck in the bellies, girls!

256
00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:23,746
And tuck in the tushes!

257
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:25,256
Close those legs.

258
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:28,158
You look like a bunch
of bowlegged cows.

259
00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:30,718
Other side!

260
00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:34,232
And tendu, close. Tendu, close.

261
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:35,631
Tendu, close, pli�.

262
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:38,466
Yeah, you boys
sure picked a good year.

263
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,472
If I was a betting woman...

264
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:41,939
and there was a line
on this in Vegas...

265
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:44,704
I'd lay down ten to one
that it all comes down...

266
00:15:44,743 --> 00:15:46,973
to Amber Atkins
and Becky Leeman.

267
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:48,843
Oh, sweet Jesus.

268
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,371
What a showdown this should be.

269
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:52,350
If Cain and Abel...

270
00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:54,545
Oh, God!

271
00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:56,315
That's so embarrassing.

272
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:07,291
My winning the Mount Rose...

273
00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:13,601
American Teen Princess Pageant
really changed my life.

274
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:17,871
Amber does my hair once a week.

275
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:20,174
Well, it's the least I can do...

276
00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:25,115
for the reigning Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.

277
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,448
- Oh, God.
- What?

278
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:30,387
Oh, just a little snarl.

279
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:32,083
Don't tell.

280
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:36,484
What? Oh, my God.

281
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:40,430
Lights, camera, and me
without a stitch of makeup on.

282
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:42,491
What are you guys doing here?

283
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,263
What are you doing here?

284
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:49,536
Oh, Amber, like you're
the only one who visits Mary?

285
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:51,805
Who are you?

286
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:56,213
"Who are you?"
Oh, Mary, you kill me.

287
00:16:56,248 --> 00:16:58,113
She always says that.

288
00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:00,778
It's a little game
we play every week.

289
00:17:00,819 --> 00:17:02,912
Same dippy little look
on her face.

290
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:05,355
"Who are you? Who are you?"

291
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:06,858
Just like that.

292
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:09,486
It's me... Becky.

293
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:13,190
And I brought your favorites.

294
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:16,063
Real nice, Becky.
She's anorexic.

295
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:20,060
She's skinny, Amber, not deaf.

296
00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:46,195
So, beyond this pageant
you must have certain dreams...

297
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:48,199
and certain things
you aspire to, yeah?

298
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,566
Yeah, I got dreams.

299
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,535
Sometimes I dream of winning.

300
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,201
I dream of getting out
of Mount Rose...

301
00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:00,905
and being a big-time reporter
like Diane Sawyer.

302
00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:03,813
I mean, guys get out of
Mount Rose all the time...

303
00:18:03,849 --> 00:18:06,579
for hockey scholarships...

304
00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:08,017
or prison.

305
00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:11,420
Yeah, 1963.

306
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:13,084
Her beauty worked against her...

307
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:16,424
when she started as a reporter
in Louisville, her hometown.

308
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:18,087
Those were different times.

309
00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:21,323
That's my mom.

310
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,163
Hey, Amber,
did you get my smokes?

311
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:25,636
Yeah. I'll get 'em in a sec.

312
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,798
Aw, shit.

313
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,205
They're from Los Angeles.

314
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:31,505
They wanted to see my room
and film me for their movie.

315
00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:34,637
Yeah, well, if they ask you
to take your top off...

316
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,671
get the money first.

317
00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:38,683
And go get my smokes!

318
00:18:57,269 --> 00:18:59,794
Hey, hey, you like it?

319
00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:01,305
- Open it.
- This?

320
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:02,807
Yeah, the globe.

321
00:19:02,841 --> 00:19:04,570
Go on,
pull on the North Pole there.

322
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:05,804
Here, watch.

323
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:06,902
Honey, this isn't a showroom.

324
00:19:06,945 --> 00:19:09,209
See, this holds three
full-size booze bottles.

325
00:19:09,248 --> 00:19:11,546
Tape cassette
comes out of Afghanistan.

326
00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:15,553
All right, all right.

327
00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:18,385
How quickly they forget
where this all comes from.

328
00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:19,890
Taiwan.

329
00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:22,553
That's enough, young lady.

330
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:24,596
I beg your pardon.
Would you like a drink?

331
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:26,461
Impartial?

332
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:29,126
When I'm outside these walls,
I am Gladys Leeman...

333
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,534
president Civil Servettes,
impartial as the day is long.

334
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:33,595
But I'm in my house now,
and I gotta warn you...

335
00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:35,869
I'm wearing my wife apron
and my mom hat...

336
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,808
so I can safely say
that I am the mother...

337
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,835
of the most talented contestant
Mount Rose has ever had.

338
00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:42,847
Oh, gosh, she's been
singing and dancing...

339
00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:44,644
since she was knee-high
to a pig's eye.

340
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,844
Yeah, she's damn
near as good as...

341
00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:48,853
you know, that little...
that black fellow...

342
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:50,445
the one with the glass eye...

343
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:51,615
the Candy Man...

344
00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:54,125
- Sammy Davis, Jr.
- Yeah, the Jew.

345
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:55,888
Nice one, Dad. He's dead.

346
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,703
Yeah. Then we have
the Judges Interview.

347
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:12,710
Where each girl has a little
ten-minute get-together...

348
00:20:12,744 --> 00:20:15,178
with the judges
prior to the pageant.

349
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,681
Then we have the...

350
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:22,648
Hello, Tony.

351
00:20:25,924 --> 00:20:27,050
Hey to the folks.

352
00:20:27,092 --> 00:20:28,423
Yeah, all right.

353
00:20:28,493 --> 00:20:30,188
Gladys, the Judges Interview.

354
00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:40,935
So you've judged a lot
of pageants over the years?

355
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,339
No. No. No way. No.

356
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:45,343
Never judged a pageant
before in my life.

357
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:48,870
No way.

358
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,905
Never been around young girls.

359
00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:58,017
I mean, even if I was...

360
00:20:58,056 --> 00:21:00,183
I mean, why would I want
to be, you know?

361
00:21:00,225 --> 00:21:01,954
I don't get off
on that kind of thing.

362
00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:03,722
That's really
why you're asking, right?

363
00:21:07,132 --> 00:21:08,565
Someone say something?

364
00:21:17,376 --> 00:21:18,638
Do you judge the pageant
every year?

365
00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:21,009
No. I've never judged
nothin' before.

366
00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:23,879
Harold, are we on "Cops"?

367
00:21:23,915 --> 00:21:25,075
Are we on "Cops," Harold?

368
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,448
Shut up, Hank.
This here's business.

369
00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:31,381
Harold,
Mom said not in the head!

370
00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:33,948
Well, Mom's dead,
so shut your flytrap.

371
00:21:33,992 --> 00:21:36,517
I will if you shut your piehole.

372
00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:47,872
Don't make me...

373
00:21:47,906 --> 00:21:49,100
Don't make me kick you
where the good Lord...

374
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,166
Don't make me
split you where you...

375
00:21:51,209 --> 00:21:52,904
Come on!
You want some of this!

376
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,375
So, are you excited?

377
00:21:56,415 --> 00:21:57,848
Oh, you bet.

378
00:21:57,883 --> 00:22:00,374
We're happier than the day
Hankie got acquitted.

379
00:22:00,419 --> 00:22:03,217
I get made a judge, then
the furniture store hires us...

380
00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:05,348
to paint the whole damn thing.

381
00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:07,358
We're going to use the money...

382
00:22:07,392 --> 00:22:09,383
to get our mom
a proper headstone...

383
00:22:09,428 --> 00:22:12,761
and to move her out
to the cemetery.

384
00:22:16,802 --> 00:22:18,997
Listen, guys,
if you see anything you like...

385
00:22:19,037 --> 00:22:22,029
you just let me know because
I happen to know the owner.

386
00:22:22,074 --> 00:22:24,235
So, here we are.

387
00:22:24,276 --> 00:22:26,574
My place of business,
my little house of worship...

388
00:22:26,611 --> 00:22:29,375
the world's largest
Conestoga wagon.

389
00:22:29,414 --> 00:22:31,245
Right here, we have
a very attractive unit.

390
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:34,115
Farmers like that one.

391
00:22:34,152 --> 00:22:36,848
OK, showtime.

392
00:22:36,888 --> 00:22:39,789
Hey, Tim, Carla, listen...

393
00:22:39,825 --> 00:22:42,316
you two don't Jew me down
too much on that dinette...

394
00:22:42,394 --> 00:22:44,760
I'll throw in a hutch
for free, OK?

395
00:22:44,796 --> 00:22:46,787
See, that's my specialty.

396
00:22:46,865 --> 00:22:50,596
You don't pay less,
I give you more.

397
00:22:50,635 --> 00:22:54,401
The secret is... the hutch
is included in the price.

398
00:22:54,439 --> 00:22:57,101
Ain't that right, Jean?

399
00:22:57,142 --> 00:22:59,440
Take a memo, sweetheart.

400
00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:15,022
Five, six, seven... and one...

401
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:17,255
Get that tempo right.
Kick it!

402
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:18,455
Come on, kick it!

403
00:23:25,771 --> 00:23:28,535
Just watching the young girls.

404
00:23:28,573 --> 00:23:30,871
Contestants. You know...

405
00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:33,400
like the rest of my friends
and neighbors.

406
00:23:38,350 --> 00:23:39,817
Are you getting her?

407
00:23:39,851 --> 00:23:41,375
The third one, the blond one.

408
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,149
Leave him alone. It's OK.

409
00:23:49,227 --> 00:23:53,288
It's just a camera I keep
in the glove compartment...

410
00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:57,529
for... car accidents.
Insurance.

411
00:24:00,472 --> 00:24:02,440
I mean, you guys got a camera...

412
00:24:02,474 --> 00:24:04,567
and no one's accusing you
of anything, right?

413
00:24:22,527 --> 00:24:25,496
So, Brett, you want to go
to the lake with me on Thursday?

414
00:24:25,530 --> 00:24:29,159
Actually,
I got practice on Thursday.

415
00:24:29,234 --> 00:24:30,724
Well, maybe Friday then.

416
00:24:30,802 --> 00:24:33,236
A bunch of us
were going cow tipping.

417
00:24:33,271 --> 00:24:35,933
Well...

418
00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:37,942
I'm kind of busy on Friday.

419
00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:52,722
Give her your tray, Brett.

420
00:24:52,757 --> 00:24:55,021
You're holding up the line.

421
00:24:56,862 --> 00:24:58,523
Give it to her.

422
00:24:58,597 --> 00:25:00,497
Here, I'll take it.
It's my job.

423
00:25:00,532 --> 00:25:02,762
No. It's all right.
Don't worry about it.

424
00:25:02,801 --> 00:25:05,565
Well, you're supposed
to put it in the...

425
00:25:10,108 --> 00:25:12,303
Aw, man.

426
00:25:12,344 --> 00:25:15,541
You got some lutefisk
in your hair.

427
00:25:15,580 --> 00:25:17,343
Then it must be Wednesday.

428
00:25:19,284 --> 00:25:23,653
Lutefisk is codfish
that's been salted...

429
00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:26,384
and soaked in lye
for a week or so.

430
00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:31,260
It's best with lots of butter.

431
00:25:31,296 --> 00:25:35,164
I'm not really busy on Friday.

432
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,668
I was just saying that,
you know?

433
00:25:37,736 --> 00:25:38,862
I know.

434
00:25:38,904 --> 00:25:40,462
Well...

435
00:25:40,505 --> 00:25:43,030
if you wanted to do something...

436
00:25:43,074 --> 00:25:46,202
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. You bet.

437
00:25:46,244 --> 00:25:47,711
Oh, crap.

438
00:25:47,746 --> 00:25:49,737
I probably gotta work
at the funeral home.

439
00:25:49,781 --> 00:25:51,772
We're real busy
this time of year.

440
00:25:51,816 --> 00:25:54,250
Hunting season.

441
00:25:54,286 --> 00:25:57,016
Well, I'm cutting out of here
early today...

442
00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:58,750
and doing
a little duck hunting...

443
00:25:58,790 --> 00:26:00,587
but maybe I could
call you tonight?

444
00:26:00,625 --> 00:26:01,785
Yeah, sure.

445
00:26:03,061 --> 00:26:04,221
- All right.
- Fine.

446
00:26:19,477 --> 00:26:21,069
Oh, God.

447
00:26:21,112 --> 00:26:23,842
You don't think Becky
saw you guys, do you?

448
00:26:23,882 --> 00:26:25,713
Look, you shouldn't be in here.

449
00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:27,115
Doreen gave us hair nets.

450
00:26:27,152 --> 00:26:29,882
No, listen.
We shouldn't talk here.

451
00:26:29,921 --> 00:26:33,015
Stop by my house tonight, OK?

452
00:26:34,559 --> 00:26:35,719
Go.

453
00:26:50,308 --> 00:26:51,866
They take out her butt?

454
00:26:51,910 --> 00:26:54,470
Oh, Jesus H. Christ.

455
00:26:54,512 --> 00:26:56,139
Oh, are we on "Cops" again?

456
00:26:56,181 --> 00:26:57,944
OK, be quiet.

457
00:26:59,017 --> 00:27:01,315
It's just the guys
that are, you know...

458
00:27:01,353 --> 00:27:03,253
making the movie
about the pageant.

459
00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:05,347
I told you all about 'em.
This here's Loretta.

460
00:27:05,390 --> 00:27:07,950
I tell Annette, you talk to me
during my stories...

461
00:27:07,993 --> 00:27:10,052
you might as well
be talking to the wall.

462
00:27:10,128 --> 00:27:11,561
You guys want a beer?

463
00:27:11,596 --> 00:27:13,655
No, thank you. Is Amber here?

464
00:27:13,732 --> 00:27:15,097
Oh, no. You just missed her.

465
00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:17,533
She got called down
to the bone gardens.

466
00:27:17,569 --> 00:27:19,400
She's in a hell of a mood today.

467
00:27:19,437 --> 00:27:21,234
Say, you boys been
to the Leemans'?

468
00:27:21,272 --> 00:27:22,500
Shut it, Loretta.

469
00:27:22,540 --> 00:27:24,974
If so, you got all the pictures
of the winner you need.

470
00:27:25,010 --> 00:27:26,136
- Shut it.
- It's true.

471
00:27:30,148 --> 00:27:33,481
Let's just say who should win,
who deserves to win is Amber.

472
00:27:33,518 --> 00:27:36,954
Why don't you just paint
a target on your ass?

473
00:27:36,988 --> 00:27:38,853
Best damn tapper,
the most smartest.

474
00:27:38,890 --> 00:27:40,016
Most smartest?

475
00:27:40,058 --> 00:27:42,526
Oh, that's great.
You're real educated.

476
00:27:42,594 --> 00:27:44,892
"Most smartest. "
Get a picture of that.

477
00:27:44,963 --> 00:27:46,362
Most smartest.

478
00:27:46,398 --> 00:27:47,729
I'm cutting you off
and sending you home.

479
00:27:47,766 --> 00:27:50,963
Excuse me, but I'm bragging up
your kid here.

480
00:27:51,002 --> 00:27:52,333
I know. Come on, let's go.

481
00:27:52,370 --> 00:27:54,167
Amber's gonna be the next
Diane Sawyer, you know.

482
00:27:54,205 --> 00:27:55,570
They're making a movie here.

483
00:27:55,607 --> 00:27:57,507
All right,
they're making a movie.

484
00:27:57,542 --> 00:27:59,772
What makes you think
that Becky's going to win?

485
00:27:59,811 --> 00:28:01,005
Why do I think Becky'll win?

486
00:28:01,046 --> 00:28:02,638
You're talking... Don't pinch.

487
00:28:02,681 --> 00:28:05,081
You're talking about the richest
family in a small town.

488
00:28:05,116 --> 00:28:07,744
It's front-page news
when one of 'em takes a shit.

489
00:28:07,786 --> 00:28:08,980
Oh, great.

490
00:28:10,922 --> 00:28:12,583
Can one of you boys
give me a ride home?

491
00:28:12,624 --> 00:28:13,852
Don't fall for it.

492
00:28:13,892 --> 00:28:15,359
She lives two trailers down.

493
00:28:15,427 --> 00:28:16,621
So? Be real easy.

494
00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:18,128
Go on home, Loretta.

495
00:28:18,163 --> 00:28:20,324
Go on. The party's over.

496
00:28:30,241 --> 00:28:31,606
Oh, my God!

497
00:28:31,643 --> 00:28:34,578
Jesus Christ on a cross!

498
00:28:34,612 --> 00:28:37,479
Look, number one rule
in a funeral home...

499
00:28:37,515 --> 00:28:39,745
Never sneak up on the living.

500
00:28:39,784 --> 00:28:41,411
You never know who could
have an embalming needle...

501
00:28:41,453 --> 00:28:43,353
or a skull saw in their hand.

502
00:28:43,388 --> 00:28:45,754
Mr. Larson's son
learned the hard way.

503
00:28:45,790 --> 00:28:47,917
He's buried next to my grandpa.

504
00:28:54,299 --> 00:28:55,857
Are you upset about Brett?

505
00:28:55,934 --> 00:28:57,799
Upset about Brett?

506
00:28:57,836 --> 00:29:01,135
Nah. Hazard of the trade.

507
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:06,074
I don't really have time
for guys anyways.

508
00:29:06,111 --> 00:29:07,373
It's weird, though.

509
00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:10,245
He took it
right between the eyes.

510
00:29:11,549 --> 00:29:13,107
Don't often see that.

511
00:29:15,186 --> 00:29:17,950
So, you know,
Brett just got shot in the head.

512
00:29:17,989 --> 00:29:19,217
He did?

513
00:29:19,257 --> 00:29:21,157
Well, hunting's dangerous.

514
00:29:22,327 --> 00:29:24,887
So, anyways, my mom gave me
this thirty-aught...

515
00:29:24,963 --> 00:29:26,453
for my sixteenth birthday.

516
00:29:31,069 --> 00:29:33,162
I need Stella now.

517
00:29:33,204 --> 00:29:35,195
The family's steaming
like a cow pie in July.

518
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,708
Said she doesn't look nothin'
like the picture they gave you.

519
00:29:37,742 --> 00:29:39,801
Sorry. I just thought she might
not want to meet her maker...

520
00:29:39,844 --> 00:29:41,436
looking like a cheap whore.

521
00:29:41,479 --> 00:29:44,414
Well, this cheap whore
is that family's loving mother.

522
00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:46,974
The Clemens
said to make him look...

523
00:29:47,018 --> 00:29:48,781
like he just came in
from snowmobiling.

524
00:29:48,820 --> 00:29:50,253
Pink cheeks and...

525
00:29:50,288 --> 00:29:52,654
Red nose and ears.
I know, I know.

526
00:30:07,839 --> 00:30:12,037
Sorry I couldn't talk to you
before in the cafeteria.

527
00:30:12,076 --> 00:30:13,839
I was scared, OK?

528
00:30:13,878 --> 00:30:17,473
I open my locker today
after first period...

529
00:30:17,515 --> 00:30:21,975
and there's a picture
of Tammy Curry taped inside.

530
00:30:22,020 --> 00:30:24,079
This was written on the back:

531
00:30:26,191 --> 00:30:29,183
Oh, yeah,
hell of a way to go, there.

532
00:30:29,260 --> 00:30:31,956
After some thorough
investigating...

533
00:30:32,030 --> 00:30:35,466
we determined
that the Curry girl...

534
00:30:35,533 --> 00:30:38,195
must have been smoking
and driving.

535
00:30:38,236 --> 00:30:41,034
Well, yeah, Tammy liked
to drive her dad's thresher...

536
00:30:41,072 --> 00:30:43,165
but, I mean...

537
00:30:43,208 --> 00:30:45,403
She said the heavy vibration
helped her think.

538
00:30:45,443 --> 00:30:48,970
But I know for a fact Tammy
only smoked after a good drive.

539
00:30:49,013 --> 00:30:52,642
You ask me or anyone else who
isn't scared to talk about it...

540
00:30:52,684 --> 00:30:54,652
Tammy was murdered.

541
00:30:56,588 --> 00:30:59,523
I bet Diane Sawyer never had
to deal with crap like this.

542
00:31:00,558 --> 00:31:02,719
If it's another stray bullet
to the head...

543
00:31:02,794 --> 00:31:04,091
I'm gonna need more caps.

544
00:31:04,162 --> 00:31:05,390
You have to go home.

545
00:31:05,463 --> 00:31:07,488
There's some kind of emergency
at the trailer park.

546
00:31:07,565 --> 00:31:08,725
Relax. That's my ma's code...

547
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,267
for bring home milk
and a carton of Lucky...

548
00:31:10,335 --> 00:31:13,532
No. Loretta called.
There's been a fire.

549
00:31:17,942 --> 00:31:19,466
Oh, my God.

550
00:31:39,998 --> 00:31:42,262
Hey, hey, hey! Family?

551
00:31:42,300 --> 00:31:45,269
No, she's just screaming "Mom"
because she's got Turret's.

552
00:31:45,336 --> 00:31:46,667
She's Annette's kid, dipshit.

553
00:31:46,704 --> 00:31:49,605
She's alive, sweetie.
She's right over there.

554
00:31:55,046 --> 00:31:57,105
I'll be right behind you
in the hearse, OK?

555
00:31:57,148 --> 00:31:59,241
Don't let that worry you,
Annette!

556
00:32:10,328 --> 00:32:15,265
So, Doctor, is this sort
of an unusual injury?

557
00:32:15,300 --> 00:32:17,666
This was a doozie.

558
00:32:17,702 --> 00:32:21,103
Right now our chief concern
is to stabilize Annette here...

559
00:32:21,139 --> 00:32:23,801
and then in surgery...

560
00:32:23,841 --> 00:32:25,308
remove this.

561
00:32:25,343 --> 00:32:27,868
Oh, God.

562
00:32:27,912 --> 00:32:29,573
Oh, Mom, it's so ugly.

563
00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:32,515
Ruined a brand-new pair
of Lee Press-Ons.

564
00:32:32,550 --> 00:32:36,680
Well, I sat down to have a beer,
and kablooey.

565
00:32:36,721 --> 00:32:38,188
Next thing I know...

566
00:32:38,222 --> 00:32:40,656
something blows
through my kitchen window...

567
00:32:40,692 --> 00:32:44,492
and I'm ass-up
in somebody's flower bed.

568
00:32:44,562 --> 00:32:47,622
Hey, ass-wipe, quit dicking
around with the camera.

569
00:32:47,699 --> 00:32:48,996
Just put another book under it.

570
00:32:49,033 --> 00:32:50,227
Dude, don't say "ass-wipe. "

571
00:32:50,268 --> 00:32:53,704
Mom's got the window open.
We gotta hurry up, though...

572
00:32:53,771 --> 00:32:55,898
because we only got three
frickin' minutes on the battery.

573
00:32:55,940 --> 00:32:57,202
All right, ready.

574
00:32:57,241 --> 00:32:58,401
One, two...

575
00:32:58,443 --> 00:32:59,569
One, two, three!

576
00:33:03,848 --> 00:33:04,974
Shit!

577
00:33:05,016 --> 00:33:06,313
Let's get out of here!

578
00:33:10,688 --> 00:33:12,918
I shoved your tap shoes
in my panties...

579
00:33:12,957 --> 00:33:15,118
before I was blown
out of the house.

580
00:33:15,159 --> 00:33:17,491
You go find the guy
who cut 'em off.

581
00:33:17,562 --> 00:33:18,654
He'll give 'em to you...

582
00:33:18,730 --> 00:33:22,131
so you can practice
for the pageant.

583
00:33:24,869 --> 00:33:26,166
About that...

584
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,333
I... Oh, my God!

585
00:33:33,811 --> 00:33:37,076
Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

586
00:33:37,115 --> 00:33:39,379
She's pregnant!

587
00:33:39,417 --> 00:33:41,282
Oh, Amber, wait!

588
00:33:41,319 --> 00:33:43,810
Come back here.
Mommy wants to talk to you.

589
00:33:43,855 --> 00:33:45,550
And then kill you!

590
00:33:45,590 --> 00:33:47,717
Why don't you see
if there's any more beer...

591
00:33:47,759 --> 00:33:49,659
left in that can
and relax a bit?

592
00:33:51,662 --> 00:33:54,392
- I'm quitting the pageant.
- You're what?

593
00:33:54,465 --> 00:33:56,057
I'm quitting the pageant.

594
00:33:56,134 --> 00:33:59,968
I was just trying to scare you
into changing your mind.

595
00:34:00,004 --> 00:34:01,904
Christ, the woman clung
to your tap shoes...

596
00:34:01,939 --> 00:34:04,430
while flying through the air
like a goddamn lawn dart.

597
00:34:04,475 --> 00:34:05,703
I know, I know.

598
00:34:05,743 --> 00:34:08,871
Hey, Little Miss Sad Pants
and her friend Serious Sally.

599
00:34:08,913 --> 00:34:10,574
How about
some nice cool mints...

600
00:34:10,615 --> 00:34:13,140
to turn those frowns
upside down?

601
00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:16,520
Do you think a nice cool mint
would help...

602
00:34:16,554 --> 00:34:19,148
if I shoved your head
up your ass?

603
00:34:22,226 --> 00:34:23,591
So what do I say?

604
00:34:23,661 --> 00:34:25,561
Simple, just say...

605
00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:31,035
I know you sacrificed
everything...

606
00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:33,196
relationships, dreams...

607
00:34:33,237 --> 00:34:34,704
your tummy, ass, and thighs...

608
00:34:34,739 --> 00:34:36,206
all to bring me
into this world...

609
00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:39,141
all so I could have tap lessons
and be in the pageant...

610
00:34:39,177 --> 00:34:41,702
the same one you were in,
but you know what?

611
00:34:41,746 --> 00:34:42,940
I'm quitting.

612
00:34:42,980 --> 00:34:45,505
There. Easy as pie.

613
00:34:45,550 --> 00:34:47,609
Oh, my God. I am so dead.

614
00:34:47,652 --> 00:34:48,676
Yeah, you betcha.

615
00:34:49,687 --> 00:34:51,018
Go on, get out!

616
00:34:51,055 --> 00:34:54,286
Next one in here without a pack
of Luckys in her hand dies!

617
00:34:54,325 --> 00:34:57,522
Yeah, sure.
You have a super day, too.

618
00:34:57,595 --> 00:34:59,187
Get out!

619
00:35:00,331 --> 00:35:02,731
Mom, look. Don't talk.

620
00:35:02,767 --> 00:35:06,396
First of all,
I'm not pregnant, OK?

621
00:35:06,437 --> 00:35:09,634
I am not letting go
until you tell me what's up.

622
00:35:09,674 --> 00:35:13,474
Amber, I am reaching a point
where I would kill someone...

623
00:35:13,511 --> 00:35:15,103
for the nicotine
under their fingernails.

624
00:35:15,146 --> 00:35:16,306
You hear me, Loretta?

625
00:35:16,347 --> 00:35:18,645
OK, OK...

626
00:35:18,683 --> 00:35:21,481
yesterday I got this picture...

627
00:35:21,519 --> 00:35:24,955
so I'm thinking about...

628
00:35:24,989 --> 00:35:26,456
you know...

629
00:35:26,491 --> 00:35:28,254
I'm gonna quit the pageant.

630
00:35:28,292 --> 00:35:29,759
What?

631
00:35:29,827 --> 00:35:31,522
Oh, excuse us, guys.

632
00:35:31,596 --> 00:35:34,463
Would you excuse us
for a moment?

633
00:35:34,499 --> 00:35:36,729
Loretta, get out of here!
Go on, get out.

634
00:35:36,767 --> 00:35:37,927
What's your problem?

635
00:35:37,969 --> 00:35:40,961
What's my problem?
Sit your skinny little ass down.

636
00:35:41,005 --> 00:35:42,495
Nice, Ma. Real nice.

637
00:35:42,540 --> 00:35:43,973
Nice mouth you got there...

638
00:35:44,008 --> 00:35:45,942
but I'm not going
through this again.

639
00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:48,207
You? You're not
going through it again?

640
00:35:48,246 --> 00:35:51,215
You're not the one that knows
how Jiffy Pop feels, missy.

641
00:35:51,249 --> 00:35:52,841
Oh, come on, Mom.

642
00:35:52,884 --> 00:35:55,375
First the picture of Tammy, then
Brett Clemmens, and now this?

643
00:35:55,419 --> 00:35:56,886
It's scary.

644
00:35:56,921 --> 00:35:59,048
Scary?
Let me tell you scary.

645
00:35:59,090 --> 00:36:01,115
Look here. Look at me.

646
00:36:01,159 --> 00:36:03,354
You want to look
like you've been rode hard...

647
00:36:03,427 --> 00:36:05,395
and put away wet
when you're my age?

648
00:36:05,463 --> 00:36:06,623
I'm a lifer here.

649
00:36:06,697 --> 00:36:08,062
Best thing
I got to look forward to...

650
00:36:08,099 --> 00:36:10,090
is to end up
in some decent raisin ranch...

651
00:36:10,168 --> 00:36:12,636
where they change me
twice a day.

652
00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:17,732
Honest to God, honey.

653
00:36:17,775 --> 00:36:20,869
If I had it to do over...

654
00:36:20,912 --> 00:36:23,210
I'd start walking
out of this town...

655
00:36:23,247 --> 00:36:25,545
the minute I could take
my first step.

656
00:36:25,583 --> 00:36:27,517
You know, practically...

657
00:36:27,552 --> 00:36:31,044
the only thing I wouldn't do
different is have you.

658
00:36:33,824 --> 00:36:37,225
God, I hope that's you
and not your concussion talking.

659
00:36:37,295 --> 00:36:38,489
It's me.

660
00:36:38,563 --> 00:36:43,296
I just don't want this to be
the thing that you do over.

661
00:36:43,334 --> 00:36:46,701
Now, this pageant's
your ticket out of here...

662
00:36:46,737 --> 00:36:49,399
and I know you can win.

663
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:51,601
Come here.

664
00:36:51,642 --> 00:36:53,735
Oh, I love you much.

665
00:36:53,778 --> 00:36:55,268
I love you much.

666
00:36:55,313 --> 00:36:57,144
And you're gonna win.

667
00:36:57,181 --> 00:36:58,978
She's gonna win.

668
00:36:59,016 --> 00:37:00,176
Isn't she gonna win, Loretta?

669
00:37:00,218 --> 00:37:01,446
You bet.

670
00:37:01,485 --> 00:37:02,509
You'll see.

671
00:37:02,553 --> 00:37:04,680
Hell no, she ain't quitting.

672
00:37:04,722 --> 00:37:06,155
No. Mom said if I did...

673
00:37:06,190 --> 00:37:08,124
she'd look up my dad
and marry him.

674
00:37:08,159 --> 00:37:10,855
So, has your mom
kept your dad's life a secret?

675
00:37:10,928 --> 00:37:12,520
No, she never hid the fact...

676
00:37:12,597 --> 00:37:15,157
that my dad
picked his career over us.

677
00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:16,666
What did she used to say?

678
00:37:16,701 --> 00:37:18,328
Once a carny, always a carny.

679
00:37:18,369 --> 00:37:20,894
Mom still cries
when she sees a tilt-a-whirl...

680
00:37:20,938 --> 00:37:23,031
or a fat lady in a tube top.

681
00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:25,042
The Atkins fire.

682
00:37:25,076 --> 00:37:27,909
Foul play? Shit, no.

683
00:37:27,945 --> 00:37:29,845
After some extensive
investigating...

684
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:33,008
we determined that it must
have been bad wiring.

685
00:37:33,050 --> 00:37:34,847
Bad wiring?

686
00:37:34,885 --> 00:37:37,353
That's the biggest
crock of shit I ever heard.

687
00:37:38,723 --> 00:37:41,556
What, they have a sale
on dull needles at K-Mart?

688
00:37:41,592 --> 00:37:44,083
I just need one more do-over.

689
00:38:02,113 --> 00:38:06,311
Now, we need to remember the
three most important parts...

690
00:38:06,350 --> 00:38:09,251
to give a really good
interview...

691
00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:11,016
Listen up, number one.

692
00:38:11,055 --> 00:38:12,920
Number one.

693
00:38:12,957 --> 00:38:15,425
American Teen Princesses...

694
00:38:15,459 --> 00:38:17,450
do not cross their legs
like streetwalkers.

695
00:38:17,495 --> 00:38:19,588
Excuse me,
"Miss Penthouse '98... "

696
00:38:19,664 --> 00:38:21,256
put your knees together.

697
00:38:21,332 --> 00:38:22,731
I could drive
a boat show in there.

698
00:38:22,767 --> 00:38:24,257
Ankles together.

699
00:38:24,335 --> 00:38:27,031
Hands resting
lightly on your laps.

700
00:38:27,071 --> 00:38:29,403
Good.
Sit up straight. Smile.

701
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:31,431
All right, number two.

702
00:38:31,475 --> 00:38:34,638
The judges are just
as nervous as you are.

703
00:38:41,886 --> 00:38:43,285
So, are you about ready...

704
00:38:43,321 --> 00:38:46,381
to start the judging,
start the interview there?

705
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,285
I guess I could answer that.

706
00:38:52,363 --> 00:38:53,796
Yeah, we're ready.

707
00:38:53,831 --> 00:38:57,096
So we should probably get
the young girls in here, then.

708
00:38:57,134 --> 00:39:00,126
You know,
to start the interviews.

709
00:39:01,706 --> 00:39:04,971
If you could be any tree
in the woods...

710
00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:08,675
what kind of tree would you be?

711
00:39:10,915 --> 00:39:12,041
Dogwood.

712
00:39:12,083 --> 00:39:13,414
Bonsai.

713
00:39:13,451 --> 00:39:14,782
Green?

714
00:39:14,819 --> 00:39:16,810
I can be any kind
of tree you want.

715
00:39:16,854 --> 00:39:18,549
Just give me a minute
to warm up.

716
00:39:24,562 --> 00:39:28,498
One with strong roots in
a community like Mount Rose...

717
00:39:28,566 --> 00:39:31,626
a solid Christian trunk...

718
00:39:31,702 --> 00:39:35,468
and long leafy branches
to provide shade...

719
00:39:35,506 --> 00:39:37,997
for handicapped kids
on a hot summer day.

720
00:39:38,042 --> 00:39:41,205
You guys know
the retard's pants are open?

721
00:39:42,646 --> 00:39:45,638
I don't want to see that.

722
00:39:47,051 --> 00:39:49,485
Who would you pick to be
the president, dead or alive?

723
00:39:50,521 --> 00:39:52,318
Emperor Hirohito.

724
00:39:52,356 --> 00:39:53,618
Brett Favre.

725
00:40:01,499 --> 00:40:05,333
My mother, 'cause she could
solve world hunger...

726
00:40:05,369 --> 00:40:08,361
with one of her blue-ribbon
rhubarb pies...

727
00:40:08,406 --> 00:40:11,637
create world peace
with one of her prayers...

728
00:40:11,675 --> 00:40:14,200
and still find time
to look beautiful...

729
00:40:14,245 --> 00:40:16,907
for my dad, Lester Leeman.

730
00:40:16,947 --> 00:40:18,437
Do you like to swim?

731
00:40:19,517 --> 00:40:21,542
Yeah, I love to swim.

732
00:40:21,585 --> 00:40:23,553
When I was in New York,
I met Greg Louganis...

733
00:40:23,587 --> 00:40:25,248
at one of my brother's shows.

734
00:40:39,136 --> 00:40:41,730
The tard's pants
are completely off.

735
00:40:45,709 --> 00:40:46,903
Close up shop.

736
00:40:49,413 --> 00:40:51,745
Are you Amber Atkins?

737
00:40:51,782 --> 00:40:53,943
Yes, yes, I am. Hello.

738
00:40:57,087 --> 00:40:59,487
Name and spell
all the United States...

739
00:40:59,523 --> 00:41:00,888
in alphabetical order.

740
00:41:03,027 --> 00:41:04,858
Seriously?

741
00:41:11,836 --> 00:41:14,270
Well...

742
00:41:14,305 --> 00:41:17,399
Alabama.

743
00:41:17,441 --> 00:41:20,205
A- I-a-b-a-m-a.

744
00:41:20,244 --> 00:41:21,643
Alaska.

745
00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:25,672
A- I-a-s-k-a.

746
00:41:27,818 --> 00:41:30,981
Arizona.

747
00:41:31,021 --> 00:41:34,320
A- r-i-z-o-n-a.

748
00:41:34,358 --> 00:41:36,019
West Virginia.

749
00:41:36,093 --> 00:41:40,120
W- e-s-t V-i-r-g-i-n-i-a.

750
00:41:40,197 --> 00:41:42,529
Wisconsin.

751
00:41:42,566 --> 00:41:46,263
W- i-s-c-o-n-s-i-n.

752
00:41:46,303 --> 00:41:47,429
Wyoming.

753
00:41:47,471 --> 00:41:50,440
W- y-o-m-i-n-g.

754
00:41:54,445 --> 00:41:57,107
Well, OK.

755
00:42:01,385 --> 00:42:04,183
With two weeks until
the pageant...

756
00:42:04,221 --> 00:42:11,718
I was practicing my talent,
finishing my costume...

757
00:42:11,795 --> 00:42:14,696
brushing up on current events...

758
00:42:14,732 --> 00:42:20,932
and running eighteen miles a day
on about four hundred calories.

759
00:42:20,971 --> 00:42:23,064
I was ready.

760
00:42:35,252 --> 00:42:37,049
Girls, couple of things.

761
00:42:37,087 --> 00:42:38,577
All right, very important.

762
00:42:38,622 --> 00:42:42,114
Gladys wants us to all go
in show order today.

763
00:42:42,159 --> 00:42:45,219
All right, so very important,
don't forget that.

764
00:42:47,598 --> 00:42:50,192
Oh, yeah, really nervous.

765
00:42:51,235 --> 00:42:53,169
It's been about two months.

766
00:42:54,171 --> 00:42:57,038
I haven't told my boyfriend yet.

767
00:42:57,074 --> 00:42:58,598
How did you know?

768
00:42:58,642 --> 00:43:01,543
I meant nervous
about the pageant.

769
00:43:01,579 --> 00:43:05,037
Oh, nervous about the pageant.

770
00:43:06,116 --> 00:43:08,209
There are eight thousand
sequins...

771
00:43:08,252 --> 00:43:11,187
and fifteen hundred beads
on the skirt alone.

772
00:43:11,221 --> 00:43:13,849
My mom had Mrs. Lopez make it.

773
00:43:13,891 --> 00:43:17,054
She's one of my father's
many Mexican workers.

774
00:43:17,127 --> 00:43:20,585
He lifts them from the poverty
they know in Mexico.

775
00:43:20,664 --> 00:43:23,599
Yeah, all my mom's clothes
melted onto mine.

776
00:43:23,634 --> 00:43:27,400
Forming, like, this big
polyester meteor in our closet.

777
00:43:27,438 --> 00:43:30,100
But in some kind
of weird miracle...

778
00:43:30,140 --> 00:43:31,607
our neighbor boy Kenny Hansen...

779
00:43:31,642 --> 00:43:33,872
found my tap costume
on the roof of their trailer...

780
00:43:33,911 --> 00:43:36,402
while he was setting
coon traps for his dad.

781
00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:37,675
Here's the weird part.

782
00:43:37,715 --> 00:43:40,183
It was still on the hanger.

783
00:43:41,218 --> 00:43:43,413
This is my lucky bolt.

784
00:43:43,454 --> 00:43:46,116
They think that it fell
from a DC-10.

785
00:43:46,156 --> 00:43:49,751
The doctor said I was really
lucky the flat side hit me.

786
00:43:49,827 --> 00:43:52,660
'Cause otherwise it could have
gone right through my head.

787
00:43:52,696 --> 00:43:55,927
I know, I know.
Gives me the willies, too.

788
00:43:57,701 --> 00:44:01,068
Can we switch numbers?

789
00:44:01,105 --> 00:44:07,635
My cousin just had a deaf baby,
and I get to go see it.

790
00:44:07,678 --> 00:44:09,077
I need to go first.

791
00:44:09,113 --> 00:44:12,207
Yeah, sure.
It's my lucky number anyway.

792
00:44:12,249 --> 00:44:15,218
Diane Sawyer has number eight
at her local.

793
00:44:16,220 --> 00:44:18,347
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

794
00:44:19,890 --> 00:44:25,089
I can see what's mine now

795
00:44:26,230 --> 00:44:31,566
Finding out what's true

796
00:44:32,603 --> 00:44:38,337
Since I found you

797
00:44:38,375 --> 00:44:43,039
Looking through the eyes

798
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,378
Of...

799
00:44:45,416 --> 00:44:47,077
I'm gonna be honest.

800
00:44:47,117 --> 00:44:49,244
This is a hard time for me...

801
00:44:49,286 --> 00:44:52,517
because this is the time
in the pageant...

802
00:44:52,556 --> 00:44:54,922
when you realize
that tomorrow night...

803
00:44:54,958 --> 00:44:58,052
all but one of these girls
is gonna walk away a loser.

804
00:44:58,128 --> 00:44:59,425
To be

805
00:44:59,496 --> 00:45:00,428
It's just really hard...

806
00:45:00,497 --> 00:45:03,364
for me to know
what that would feel like.

807
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:05,197
It can't feel good.

808
00:45:07,204 --> 00:45:09,365
Oh, my God, oh, my God.

809
00:45:09,406 --> 00:45:10,896
Don't touch her.

810
00:45:13,043 --> 00:45:15,238
Don't move the body.
Don't touch the body.

811
00:45:15,279 --> 00:45:16,769
She could be paralyzed
from the neck down...

812
00:45:16,814 --> 00:45:18,042
and you wouldn't know it.

813
00:45:18,082 --> 00:45:19,640
Someone call nine-one-one.

814
00:45:19,683 --> 00:45:21,742
Don't say anything...

815
00:45:21,785 --> 00:45:24,413
'cause it might be
a hypnotic suggestion.

816
00:45:25,656 --> 00:45:27,487
Don't you get it?

817
00:45:27,524 --> 00:45:28,650
I was supposed to go first.

818
00:45:28,692 --> 00:45:31,092
I was contestant number one.

819
00:45:31,161 --> 00:45:33,925
That light was meant
for my head.

820
00:45:33,997 --> 00:45:36,966
If Jenelle hadn't
wanted to go first...

821
00:45:38,001 --> 00:45:40,526
I owe my life
to that deaf baby.

822
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:45,267
Hey, that was your mom.

823
00:45:45,309 --> 00:45:47,300
She wanted you to have this.

824
00:45:50,447 --> 00:45:52,005
Really, Loretta?

825
00:45:52,049 --> 00:45:53,243
You bet.

826
00:45:55,686 --> 00:45:57,779
My mom wanted me to have this?

827
00:45:59,623 --> 00:46:00,681
Oh, shut up.

828
00:46:00,724 --> 00:46:02,715
I thought it might help you
get some sleep.

829
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:05,092
Loretta, never have kids.

830
00:46:06,797 --> 00:46:09,823
Well, God love you
for thinking I still could.

831
00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:11,868
Your ma did want you
to have this, though...

832
00:46:11,935 --> 00:46:13,368
since your other one
got toasted.

833
00:46:13,403 --> 00:46:15,894
It's just like Diane Sawyer's!

834
00:46:16,974 --> 00:46:18,498
Of course, it's not a size ten.

835
00:46:18,542 --> 00:46:20,009
Diane was a little hippy then.

836
00:46:20,043 --> 00:46:21,601
- Not our girl.
- Oh, no.

837
00:46:33,223 --> 00:46:34,656
Pain meds.

838
00:46:34,691 --> 00:46:36,522
Hope this thing ends
before they do.

839
00:46:39,563 --> 00:46:41,292
We have excitement.

840
00:46:41,365 --> 00:46:42,764
Big excitement.

841
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:43,994
Go, Molly!

842
00:46:44,034 --> 00:46:45,763
Go.

843
00:46:45,803 --> 00:46:48,169
Leslie Miller
kicks Teen Princess ass!

844
00:46:48,205 --> 00:46:50,264
Whoo! Go, Muskies!

845
00:47:07,191 --> 00:47:08,351
Oh, gotta go.

846
00:47:20,204 --> 00:47:22,729
Thank you, thank you.

847
00:47:22,773 --> 00:47:24,240
Oh, my.

848
00:47:24,274 --> 00:47:27,243
Is that for me or my gown?

849
00:47:31,915 --> 00:47:35,783
Welcome to the Mount Rose
American Teen Princess Pageant.

850
00:47:35,819 --> 00:47:38,310
While every contestant...

851
00:47:38,355 --> 00:47:40,983
you'll meet here tonight
is special and unique...

852
00:47:41,024 --> 00:47:44,016
they all have
one thing in common.

853
00:47:44,094 --> 00:47:49,157
They are all proud
to be an American.

854
00:48:29,306 --> 00:48:31,365
I chose Mount Rushmore...

855
00:48:31,408 --> 00:48:33,205
because to live in a country...

856
00:48:33,243 --> 00:48:35,040
where you can take
an ugly old mountain...

857
00:48:35,078 --> 00:48:38,070
and put faces on it,
faces of great Americans...

858
00:48:38,115 --> 00:48:41,107
who did so much to make
our country super great...

859
00:48:41,151 --> 00:48:44,120
well, that makes me,
Rebecca Leeman...

860
00:48:44,154 --> 00:48:46,179
proud to be an American.

861
00:48:46,223 --> 00:48:50,819
I'm Lisa Swenson, and I am proud
to be an American...

862
00:48:50,894 --> 00:48:52,794
because living in a country
where Lady Liberty...

863
00:48:52,829 --> 00:48:55,730
always keeps her flame
burning bright...

864
00:48:57,200 --> 00:49:01,227
She always keeps her flame
burning bright.

865
00:49:01,271 --> 00:49:03,671
It makes me proud
to be an American.

866
00:49:03,707 --> 00:49:04,833
God.

867
00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:06,775
The Washington Monument...

868
00:49:06,810 --> 00:49:09,506
Oh, yeah, baby!

869
00:49:09,546 --> 00:49:10,535
Makes me...

870
00:49:10,580 --> 00:49:13,777
Leslie Miller,
proud to be an American.

871
00:49:15,585 --> 00:49:18,554
Living in a country
where no matter who you are...

872
00:49:18,588 --> 00:49:21,580
or where you come from,
you can grow up...

873
00:49:21,625 --> 00:49:25,356
and become what you've always
dreamed of makes me...

874
00:49:25,429 --> 00:49:28,523
Amber Atkins,
proud to be an American.

875
00:49:28,598 --> 00:49:32,125
Atomic power makes me,
Molly Howard...

876
00:49:32,202 --> 00:49:34,602
proud to be an Asian-American.

877
00:49:34,638 --> 00:49:38,301
My uncle Phil's world's-largest
ball of twine...

878
00:49:38,342 --> 00:49:40,276
in Bundy, Minnesota...

879
00:49:40,310 --> 00:49:43,643
it makes me proud I'm American.

880
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:47,116
I kind of misunderstood
the assignment.

881
00:49:51,588 --> 00:49:54,955
A couple of notes from
yesterday's dress rehearsal.

882
00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:56,357
Gladys says a couple of youse...

883
00:49:56,393 --> 00:49:57,655
are getting sexy
with your hips...

884
00:49:57,728 --> 00:49:59,889
during the physical
fitness routine.

885
00:49:59,963 --> 00:50:02,431
Oh, my God,
my tap costume's gone.

886
00:50:02,466 --> 00:50:05,867
Amber, we are not putting on
our talent costume.

887
00:50:05,902 --> 00:50:08,200
You need to put on
your physical fitness outfit.

888
00:50:08,238 --> 00:50:10,229
Let's shake a leg, ladies!

889
00:50:10,273 --> 00:50:12,741
It was here
before the opening number.

890
00:50:14,444 --> 00:50:16,002
Wait.

891
00:50:16,046 --> 00:50:18,378
What am I saying?

892
00:50:18,415 --> 00:50:21,248
I should just ask you, Becky.

893
00:50:21,284 --> 00:50:23,013
Where is it?

894
00:50:23,053 --> 00:50:24,247
What?

895
00:50:24,287 --> 00:50:26,778
You heard me. Where is it?

896
00:50:28,125 --> 00:50:30,992
If you're getting at something,
you'd better just say it.

897
00:50:31,061 --> 00:50:33,154
I just did.

898
00:50:33,230 --> 00:50:35,027
Well, then you'd better be
willing to back it up...

899
00:50:35,065 --> 00:50:36,498
because you're talking crazy.

900
00:50:36,533 --> 00:50:39,263
You bring me on some
of that snotty attitude.

901
00:50:39,302 --> 00:50:40,428
Bring it on!

902
00:50:40,470 --> 00:50:42,233
Well, as my mother says
at Sunday dinner...

903
00:50:42,272 --> 00:50:43,364
come and get it!

904
00:50:43,407 --> 00:50:44,806
I'll get it!

905
00:50:44,841 --> 00:50:45,967
I might even take seconds!

906
00:50:46,009 --> 00:50:48,773
If you want seconds,
I'll make sure you get them!

907
00:50:48,812 --> 00:50:50,211
Give me your stringy ass!

908
00:50:52,783 --> 00:50:54,751
I think that you guys
should leave.

909
00:50:54,785 --> 00:50:56,548
The girls are changing.
I think you should leave.

910
00:50:56,586 --> 00:50:58,053
All right, let's go.

911
00:50:58,088 --> 00:51:00,556
- I hate her!
- We all do. Let's go.

912
00:51:00,590 --> 00:51:02,581
Let's give a big round
of applause...

913
00:51:02,626 --> 00:51:05,117
for last year's
American Teen Princess...

914
00:51:05,195 --> 00:51:07,425
in her farewell performance.

915
00:51:07,497 --> 00:51:09,465
Who could ever forget
her lip-synching...

916
00:51:09,499 --> 00:51:13,060
to "Don't Cry Out Loud"
by Melissa Manchester?

917
00:51:13,103 --> 00:51:14,832
And here she is...

918
00:51:14,871 --> 00:51:16,600
Mary Johanson.

919
00:51:25,782 --> 00:51:31,220
Don't cry out loud

920
00:51:31,254 --> 00:51:33,882
Just keep it inside

921
00:51:33,924 --> 00:51:38,520
And learn how to hide
your feelings

922
00:51:38,595 --> 00:51:44,124
Fly high and proud

923
00:51:44,201 --> 00:51:47,295
And if you should fall

924
00:51:47,337 --> 00:51:49,862
Remember you almost

925
00:51:49,906 --> 00:51:54,775
Had it all

926
00:51:57,447 --> 00:51:59,642
All right, why don't we pick up
the stepladders...

927
00:51:59,683 --> 00:52:00,809
for the physical fitness number?

928
00:52:00,851 --> 00:52:01,977
There we go.

929
00:52:02,018 --> 00:52:03,417
They're wet.

930
00:52:03,453 --> 00:52:04,579
What?

931
00:52:04,621 --> 00:52:06,111
My hands are stuck.

932
00:52:07,157 --> 00:52:08,818
I'm kind of dizzy
from the fumes.

933
00:52:08,859 --> 00:52:10,087
You know what, girls?

934
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:12,651
Keep them away from you so
they don't get on the outfits.

935
00:52:12,729 --> 00:52:13,821
There we go.

936
00:52:13,897 --> 00:52:15,797
Let's form a line.

937
00:52:18,068 --> 00:52:19,763
What kind of a mental retard...

938
00:52:19,803 --> 00:52:21,703
paints stepladders
right before a pageant?

939
00:52:21,738 --> 00:52:23,603
I'm the judge!

940
00:52:24,774 --> 00:52:28,039
Back, you cuddly retard.

941
00:52:28,078 --> 00:52:29,409
Go, Hank!

942
00:52:29,446 --> 00:52:31,914
It's OK.

943
00:52:31,948 --> 00:52:33,074
My dress is fine.

944
00:52:34,217 --> 00:52:37,152
All right, so...

945
00:52:37,187 --> 00:52:39,314
our other judges are...

946
00:52:39,356 --> 00:52:40,914
Jean Kangas...

947
00:52:40,957 --> 00:52:42,356
and John Dough...

948
00:52:42,392 --> 00:52:45,293
Opening number looked good...

949
00:52:45,362 --> 00:52:48,798
solid, but now you're going
to have to actually dance.

950
00:52:48,865 --> 00:52:52,301
So, here, put a dab of this
on the old choppers, ladies.

951
00:52:52,369 --> 00:52:54,064
It'll help you smile...

952
00:52:54,104 --> 00:52:56,095
and when they're looking
at your teeth, God willing...

953
00:52:56,139 --> 00:52:58,004
they won't be looking
at your feet.

954
00:54:18,788 --> 00:54:20,813
Hurry up.

955
00:54:20,857 --> 00:54:22,256
OK, I think we all got some.

956
00:54:22,292 --> 00:54:23,919
Just take it off.

957
00:54:23,994 --> 00:54:26,394
Here, I didn't...

958
00:54:26,429 --> 00:54:28,897
I think it went really well.

959
00:54:28,932 --> 00:54:30,559
Don't go in the bathroom.

960
00:54:30,634 --> 00:54:32,534
Tess blew chunks all over.

961
00:54:32,569 --> 00:54:35,265
She ate a really large dinner.

962
00:54:35,305 --> 00:54:37,535
Maybe she should've
shoved that lucky bolt...

963
00:54:37,574 --> 00:54:39,064
down her throat for dessert.

964
00:54:40,243 --> 00:54:43,269
And the winner
of the spirit award goes to...

965
00:54:43,346 --> 00:54:46,838
I'd like to take you back
seventeen years...

966
00:54:46,883 --> 00:54:50,284
when a peanut farmer
was in the White House...

967
00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:52,584
a group of boys
calling themselves Queen...

968
00:54:52,622 --> 00:54:54,385
topped the record charts...

969
00:54:54,424 --> 00:54:56,415
and Gladys Leeman
was Gladys Wood...

970
00:54:57,560 --> 00:55:01,155
and she was Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.

971
00:55:08,338 --> 00:55:10,772
Thank you very much.

972
00:55:10,807 --> 00:55:15,267
You know, seventeen years ago,
I won the talent contest...

973
00:55:15,312 --> 00:55:16,506
by sewing...

974
00:55:17,514 --> 00:55:18,776
these culottes...

975
00:55:18,815 --> 00:55:20,840
Butterick pattern
seven-four-three-two.

976
00:55:20,884 --> 00:55:22,784
And can you believe it?

977
00:55:22,819 --> 00:55:23,979
They still fit.

978
00:55:24,020 --> 00:55:26,887
She had a big ass then,
she's got a big ass now.

979
00:55:26,923 --> 00:55:29,391
Our next contestant is ready,
so let's welcome her...

980
00:55:29,426 --> 00:55:30,859
Tess Weinhaus.

981
00:55:36,099 --> 00:55:37,828
Yeah, it's just gone.

982
00:55:40,103 --> 00:55:41,229
I mean...

983
00:55:41,271 --> 00:55:44,399
I just wanna tap, you know?

984
00:55:44,441 --> 00:55:49,071
I'm not saying I'm the best
or that I'd even win, but...

985
00:55:49,112 --> 00:55:51,239
shouldn't I at least
get a chance to compete?

986
00:55:51,281 --> 00:55:55,081
The beagle is known
for its howl.

987
00:55:59,089 --> 00:56:01,717
I just wanted my mom
to see me dance.

988
00:56:01,758 --> 00:56:04,488
Amber, Amber, come here.

989
00:56:04,561 --> 00:56:07,189
Please. I got so much Vaseline
on my teeth...

990
00:56:07,263 --> 00:56:09,288
I'm going to be smiling
for a year.

991
00:56:09,366 --> 00:56:10,924
No. Here.

992
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:12,262
It's nothing special...

993
00:56:12,302 --> 00:56:15,294
but talent like yours doesn't
need to hide behind sequins.

994
00:56:15,338 --> 00:56:16,771
Oh, Miss K.

995
00:56:16,806 --> 00:56:18,137
Oh, look.

996
00:56:18,174 --> 00:56:23,544
But none can compare
to the greatest bark of all...

997
00:56:23,580 --> 00:56:25,844
the German shepherd.

998
00:56:28,385 --> 00:56:31,946
Aw, hell, go out there
and kick some Leeman ass.

999
00:56:33,189 --> 00:56:35,453
Not so hard, sweetie.
I heard something snap.

1000
00:56:35,492 --> 00:56:37,357
Roll him over!

1001
00:56:37,427 --> 00:56:38,394
Lay him flat!

1002
00:56:39,429 --> 00:56:41,158
Pin his shoulders!

1003
00:56:41,231 --> 00:56:42,755
To the mat!

1004
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:45,358
Roll him over! Lay him flat!

1005
00:56:45,435 --> 00:56:47,403
Pin their shoulders
to the mat!

1006
00:56:47,470 --> 00:56:49,028
Go...

1007
00:56:49,072 --> 00:56:50,437
Muskies! Yeah!

1008
00:57:00,550 --> 00:57:01,539
Fade in.

1009
00:57:02,819 --> 00:57:06,152
The year... 2024.

1010
00:57:07,757 --> 00:57:09,486
Planet... Earth.

1011
00:57:10,693 --> 00:57:12,661
The question
on everyone's mind?

1012
00:57:13,963 --> 00:57:15,555
What is...

1013
00:57:15,632 --> 00:57:17,190
Soylent Green?

1014
00:57:22,205 --> 00:57:24,799
Mrs. Clark, why are you
doing this to me?

1015
00:57:24,841 --> 00:57:26,809
Why are you pretending
you don't know what's going on?

1016
00:57:26,843 --> 00:57:28,868
Amber, I'm sorry. I really am.

1017
00:57:28,912 --> 00:57:30,379
But you know the rules.

1018
00:57:30,413 --> 00:57:32,347
All talent costumes
have to be OK'd...

1019
00:57:32,382 --> 00:57:33,747
by Gladys before the pageant.

1020
00:57:33,783 --> 00:57:35,341
But doesn't someone
taking your costume...

1021
00:57:35,385 --> 00:57:37,853
so you can't compete
overrule that rule?

1022
00:57:37,887 --> 00:57:39,946
Amber, I'm sorry.
I don't make up the rules.

1023
00:57:39,989 --> 00:57:41,513
Oh, this...

1024
00:57:41,558 --> 00:57:43,150
this is bullshit!

1025
00:57:43,193 --> 00:57:46,356
Amber Atkins, that is not
American Teen Princess language.

1026
00:57:46,429 --> 00:57:49,398
Good, because this isn't an
American Teen Princess Pageant.

1027
00:57:49,432 --> 00:57:51,423
This is... this is...

1028
00:57:51,501 --> 00:57:53,469
this is Nazi Germany!

1029
00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:58,969
Where do they get this stuff?

1030
00:58:07,116 --> 00:58:09,175
I'm wearing this tap costume.

1031
00:58:09,219 --> 00:58:11,585
I'm going to do
my talent tonight.

1032
00:58:11,621 --> 00:58:12,849
Oh, really?

1033
00:58:12,889 --> 00:58:14,379
I don't think so.

1034
00:58:17,861 --> 00:58:20,125
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news...

1035
00:58:20,196 --> 00:58:22,858
but you know the rules state
that a costume has to be OK'd...

1036
00:58:22,932 --> 00:58:24,923
at least a week in advance.

1037
00:58:25,001 --> 00:58:28,528
I couldn't let you go out there
in that skimpy little thing.

1038
00:58:28,571 --> 00:58:30,129
We've got kids in the audience.

1039
00:58:30,173 --> 00:58:32,198
I hope you understand.

1040
00:58:32,242 --> 00:58:33,800
But you... I mean...

1041
00:58:33,843 --> 00:58:36,403
It's not my fault. Please.

1042
00:58:36,446 --> 00:58:38,539
I didn't do anything wrong.

1043
00:58:38,581 --> 00:58:41,072
I know the truth, that's why.

1044
00:58:41,117 --> 00:58:42,448
I must say...

1045
00:58:42,485 --> 00:58:44,646
Soylent Green...

1046
00:58:44,687 --> 00:58:46,746
is people!

1047
00:58:50,460 --> 00:58:52,360
Now, that's my cue.

1048
00:59:32,502 --> 00:59:35,266
I just wanted to compete.

1049
00:59:37,073 --> 00:59:40,406
I can't believe
this is happening.

1050
00:59:40,443 --> 00:59:42,968
I can't believe she said...

1051
00:59:51,521 --> 00:59:52,647
Here.

1052
00:59:52,689 --> 00:59:54,179
Here? What?

1053
00:59:54,223 --> 00:59:55,781
My jacket.

1054
00:59:55,825 --> 00:59:58,225
Take it, because I got
my costume OK'd a month ago...

1055
00:59:58,294 --> 00:59:59,886
before the pageant.
You can wear it.

1056
00:59:59,963 --> 01:00:01,430
Put it on.

1057
01:00:01,497 --> 01:00:02,589
Oh, wow.

1058
01:00:02,665 --> 01:00:04,360
Lisa, I don't think
you should do this.

1059
01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:06,163
They're never going to let you
perform naked. I asked.

1060
01:00:06,202 --> 01:00:08,363
Shut up, you guys.

1061
01:00:08,404 --> 01:00:11,168
Listen, Amber...

1062
01:00:11,207 --> 01:00:14,005
I'm not going to win.

1063
01:00:14,043 --> 01:00:16,603
And let's be honest, the family
only needs one Liza...

1064
01:00:16,646 --> 01:00:19,444
and Peter's got
much better legs than me, OK?

1065
01:00:19,482 --> 01:00:20,847
Your parents will kill you.

1066
01:00:20,883 --> 01:00:23,579
Ah, come on.
I love them...

1067
01:00:23,620 --> 01:00:27,215
but they only had me because
Peter needed that kidney.

1068
01:00:32,895 --> 01:00:34,021
Thank you.

1069
01:00:37,567 --> 01:00:38,693
Now...

1070
01:00:38,735 --> 01:00:40,293
it is with overwhelming pride...

1071
01:00:40,370 --> 01:00:42,930
that I introduce to you
contestant number six...

1072
01:00:42,972 --> 01:00:45,839
who is also the president of her
class two years running...

1073
01:00:45,875 --> 01:00:48,400
an honor roll student,
and the new president...

1074
01:00:48,444 --> 01:00:50,674
of the Lutheran Sisterhood
Gun Club.

1075
01:00:50,713 --> 01:00:51,941
Ladies and gentlemen...

1076
01:00:51,981 --> 01:00:54,279
Rebecca Ann Leeman!

1077
01:01:02,091 --> 01:01:03,615
You know what?

1078
01:01:03,660 --> 01:01:05,150
The rumors are true.

1079
01:01:06,262 --> 01:01:09,720
I do have a special fella
in my life...

1080
01:01:10,833 --> 01:01:13,267
and if nobody minds...

1081
01:01:13,302 --> 01:01:17,033
I'd like to sing a little song
just for him.

1082
01:01:19,976 --> 01:01:23,912
You're just too good

1083
01:01:23,946 --> 01:01:25,106
To be true

1084
01:01:26,349 --> 01:01:28,943
Can't take my eyes

1085
01:01:28,985 --> 01:01:30,043
Off of you

1086
01:01:30,086 --> 01:01:31,212
Bullshit.

1087
01:01:31,254 --> 01:01:33,688
You'd be like heaven

1088
01:01:33,723 --> 01:01:35,748
To touch

1089
01:01:35,792 --> 01:01:37,521
I wanna hold you

1090
01:01:37,593 --> 01:01:39,424
So much

1091
01:01:40,530 --> 01:01:42,088
At long last

1092
01:01:42,165 --> 01:01:45,362
Love has arrived

1093
01:01:45,401 --> 01:01:47,892
And I thank God

1094
01:01:47,970 --> 01:01:49,130
I'm alive

1095
01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:53,006
You're just too good

1096
01:01:53,042 --> 01:01:55,033
To be true

1097
01:01:55,078 --> 01:01:57,774
Can't take my eyes

1098
01:01:57,814 --> 01:01:59,281
Off of you

1099
01:02:00,416 --> 01:02:02,941
I love you, baby

1100
01:02:02,985 --> 01:02:04,646
And if it's quite all right

1101
01:02:04,687 --> 01:02:06,746
I need you, baby

1102
01:02:06,789 --> 01:02:08,984
To warm the lonely night

1103
01:02:09,025 --> 01:02:11,653
I love you, baby

1104
01:02:11,728 --> 01:02:13,753
Trust in me when I say

1105
01:02:13,830 --> 01:02:16,355
Lisa, come on, you're next.

1106
01:02:16,432 --> 01:02:17,990
Nah, I quit.

1107
01:02:18,067 --> 01:02:20,763
And since my costume was OK'd
a month ago...

1108
01:02:20,803 --> 01:02:21,963
I'm giving it to Amber.

1109
01:02:25,641 --> 01:02:28,132
Let me love you, baby

1110
01:02:28,177 --> 01:02:31,112
Let me love you

1111
01:02:46,329 --> 01:02:48,763
Oh, boy,
I'd hate to follow that act.

1112
01:02:48,798 --> 01:02:51,494
The voice of an angel, that one.

1113
01:02:57,273 --> 01:03:00,436
I have just been notified
that contestant number seven...

1114
01:03:00,476 --> 01:03:03,445
Lisa Swenson has dropped out
of the pageant.

1115
01:03:05,948 --> 01:03:08,143
I know,
but these things happen...

1116
01:03:08,184 --> 01:03:11,620
and we still have one more
contestant... number eight.

1117
01:03:11,654 --> 01:03:12,882
Amber Atkins.

1118
01:04:47,717 --> 01:04:49,685
Thank you.

1119
01:05:03,566 --> 01:05:04,533
Well...

1120
01:05:05,968 --> 01:05:07,936
The time has finally come...

1121
01:05:09,605 --> 01:05:12,768
where we say good-bye
to the judges...

1122
01:05:12,808 --> 01:05:16,835
so that they can go off and make
the toughest decision...

1123
01:05:16,879 --> 01:05:18,073
of their lives.

1124
01:05:24,320 --> 01:05:25,719
So, who gets the crown?

1125
01:05:25,755 --> 01:05:26,949
How are you going
to figure this all out?

1126
01:05:26,989 --> 01:05:29,549
Well, you know, we'll...

1127
01:05:29,592 --> 01:05:32,220
compare scores
and figure out a winner...

1128
01:05:32,295 --> 01:05:34,695
because, I mean, we don't know
who the winner is yet.

1129
01:05:34,730 --> 01:05:37,699
I mean, I have no idea
who Jean picked...

1130
01:05:37,733 --> 01:05:39,291
or Harold.

1131
01:05:39,368 --> 01:05:40,835
- No.
- No idea.

1132
01:05:42,638 --> 01:05:45,072
I know who the winner is.

1133
01:05:45,107 --> 01:05:46,870
I know who the winner...
Harold.

1134
01:05:46,909 --> 01:05:48,638
I know who the winner is.

1135
01:05:48,678 --> 01:05:50,077
That's it.

1136
01:05:50,112 --> 01:05:54,105
You shut your goddamn mouth,
you goddamn retard!

1137
01:05:54,150 --> 01:05:57,142
I've had your shit
for two weeks now!

1138
01:05:57,186 --> 01:05:58,210
Come on.

1139
01:05:59,855 --> 01:06:02,221
Back off, college boy!
Now listen!

1140
01:06:03,926 --> 01:06:06,895
Hank can't help it if he's born
crazier than a shit-house rat!

1141
01:06:06,929 --> 01:06:10,660
For fuck's sake, why didn't you
leave him with a sitter?

1142
01:06:15,571 --> 01:06:16,868
Nice, John.

1143
01:06:16,906 --> 01:06:18,134
That's real nice.

1144
01:06:18,174 --> 01:06:21,007
You know the baby-sitter's dead.

1145
01:06:25,748 --> 01:06:27,181
So...

1146
01:06:27,216 --> 01:06:29,150
Anyone talk to Jenelle lately?

1147
01:06:29,185 --> 01:06:31,881
Oh, yeah. I brought her
some flowers this morning.

1148
01:06:31,921 --> 01:06:34,321
Yeah. She's in the room
next to my mom.

1149
01:06:34,357 --> 01:06:36,484
Oh, she's super happy.

1150
01:06:36,525 --> 01:06:37,753
She's happy?

1151
01:06:37,827 --> 01:06:40,057
Oh, the blow to her head
made her deaf.

1152
01:06:40,129 --> 01:06:41,289
Oh, God.

1153
01:06:41,364 --> 01:06:43,389
- Isn't that great?
- Oh, that's great.

1154
01:06:43,466 --> 01:06:45,331
She's so happy.

1155
01:06:46,902 --> 01:06:48,733
Jesus Christ!

1156
01:06:48,771 --> 01:06:51,706
What are they doing, letting
the retard count the votes?

1157
01:06:52,708 --> 01:06:54,539
Ladies, it's time.

1158
01:07:13,896 --> 01:07:16,296
Welcome back, everybody...

1159
01:07:16,332 --> 01:07:17,424
and judges.

1160
01:07:17,500 --> 01:07:19,525
Oh, gosh.

1161
01:07:19,602 --> 01:07:22,469
We are so darn close
to that moment...

1162
01:07:22,505 --> 01:07:25,099
we have all been waiting for.

1163
01:07:25,141 --> 01:07:27,974
And now, our second runner-up...

1164
01:07:28,010 --> 01:07:30,308
and winner
of a fifty-dollar scholarship...

1165
01:07:30,346 --> 01:07:33,713
for the vo-tech
of her choice is...

1166
01:07:36,118 --> 01:07:37,278
Leslie Miller.

1167
01:07:42,425 --> 01:07:43,983
You rule, Leslie!

1168
01:07:57,039 --> 01:07:58,870
Envelope, please.

1169
01:08:02,311 --> 01:08:05,371
Our next prize, a seventy-five-
dollar scholarship...

1170
01:08:05,414 --> 01:08:08,440
will be awarded
to the first runner-up.

1171
01:08:08,484 --> 01:08:10,577
The first runner-up is...

1172
01:08:14,924 --> 01:08:16,721
Amber Atkins.

1173
01:08:43,152 --> 01:08:46,747
And now, finally the moment...

1174
01:08:46,789 --> 01:08:48,780
that I know
I've been waiting for.

1175
01:08:48,824 --> 01:08:51,156
With a scholarship
of five hundred dollars...

1176
01:08:51,227 --> 01:08:54,663
courtesy Leeman Furniture,
and an all-expense-paid trip...

1177
01:08:54,697 --> 01:08:57,894
next weekend, when she will be
competing for the title...

1178
01:08:57,933 --> 01:08:59,332
of Sarah Rose Cosmetics...

1179
01:08:59,368 --> 01:09:02,303
Minnesota
American Teen Princess...

1180
01:09:08,777 --> 01:09:10,404
Our new...

1181
01:09:10,446 --> 01:09:14,109
Mount Rose
American Teen Princess is...

1182
01:09:15,651 --> 01:09:17,380
contestant number...

1183
01:09:18,387 --> 01:09:20,116
You know what?
It's my daughter...

1184
01:09:20,156 --> 01:09:22,647
Rebecca Ann Leeman!

1185
01:09:35,971 --> 01:09:38,030
Oh, thank you so much.

1186
01:09:40,609 --> 01:09:42,509
Bitch.

1187
01:10:00,629 --> 01:10:02,790
Here she is

1188
01:10:02,865 --> 01:10:04,298
Our Mount Rose

1189
01:10:04,333 --> 01:10:06,801
American Teen Princess

1190
01:10:06,869 --> 01:10:08,962
Look at her

1191
01:10:09,004 --> 01:10:11,165
Doesn't she look fine?

1192
01:10:11,207 --> 01:10:14,472
Our heart swells big

1193
01:10:14,510 --> 01:10:16,910
As we look at her

1194
01:10:16,946 --> 01:10:18,140
Our Mount Rose

1195
01:10:18,180 --> 01:10:22,844
American Teen Princess

1196
01:10:22,885 --> 01:10:24,477
One, two, three.

1197
01:10:25,521 --> 01:10:27,489
- You got her there?
- Yeah, I got her.

1198
01:10:27,523 --> 01:10:29,957
We was robbed. We was robbed.

1199
01:10:29,992 --> 01:10:32,324
It's OK. They're just
giving her a ride back.

1200
01:10:32,394 --> 01:10:34,988
She almost blew out of Loretta's
pickup on the way over.

1201
01:10:35,064 --> 01:10:36,531
Thank God for bungee cords.

1202
01:10:37,800 --> 01:10:39,825
I got second runner-up.

1203
01:10:39,902 --> 01:10:41,267
I got second place.

1204
01:10:41,303 --> 01:10:43,100
- Third.
- Huh?

1205
01:10:43,138 --> 01:10:44,833
- Third.
- Bye.

1206
01:10:51,080 --> 01:10:54,447
Are you disappointed
about not winning?

1207
01:10:54,483 --> 01:10:57,077
Yeah, well, no.

1208
01:10:57,119 --> 01:11:02,318
At least I got to compete,
and my mom got to see me dance.

1209
01:11:02,358 --> 01:11:04,849
I guess number eight
only worked for Diane Sawyer.

1210
01:11:04,927 --> 01:11:06,360
Oh, stop.

1211
01:11:06,395 --> 01:11:07,487
Let's go home.

1212
01:11:07,563 --> 01:11:09,053
I'll let you drive.

1213
01:11:11,033 --> 01:11:12,261
I hope it was worth it.

1214
01:11:12,301 --> 01:11:14,292
No, Dad, it was worth it.

1215
01:11:14,370 --> 01:11:15,701
Amber should've won.

1216
01:11:15,738 --> 01:11:16,898
I tell you one thing...

1217
01:11:16,939 --> 01:11:18,463
Peter never would've pulled
a shenanigan like that.

1218
01:11:18,507 --> 01:11:20,771
Well, you know what, Dad?

1219
01:11:20,809 --> 01:11:22,800
You know what? Peter's gay.

1220
01:11:24,213 --> 01:11:25,373
Gay!

1221
01:11:27,016 --> 01:11:28,176
What?

1222
01:11:29,752 --> 01:11:30,912
So, Becky, how does it feel?

1223
01:11:30,953 --> 01:11:32,443
Oh, well...

1224
01:11:32,488 --> 01:11:35,218
I mean,
it's all happening so fast.

1225
01:11:35,257 --> 01:11:37,350
I'm so excited.

1226
01:11:37,393 --> 01:11:40,123
I mean, I won.

1227
01:11:40,195 --> 01:11:43,961
I'm the winner,
and I'm going to state.

1228
01:11:43,999 --> 01:11:47,196
She's the winner,
and we're going to state.

1229
01:11:47,236 --> 01:11:48,533
What a surprise.

1230
01:11:48,570 --> 01:11:50,299
Gladys Leeman's finally
going to go to state...

1231
01:11:50,339 --> 01:11:51,806
and she'll probably
ride on Becky's ass...

1232
01:11:51,840 --> 01:11:53,467
all the way to nationals, too.

1233
01:11:53,509 --> 01:11:55,500
Wonder how she's going
to fix that one.

1234
01:11:55,544 --> 01:11:57,842
Are you ladies going
to the parade?

1235
01:11:57,880 --> 01:12:00,747
Nah. I think I'm, like,
due or something.

1236
01:12:20,369 --> 01:12:23,532
Beautiful as a whore's ass
today, huh, boys?

1237
01:12:25,974 --> 01:12:28,306
Do you need help
with the cooler?

1238
01:12:48,697 --> 01:12:51,689
See, Gladys had me get that
special-made from Mexico...

1239
01:12:51,767 --> 01:12:52,961
in case Becky won.

1240
01:12:53,001 --> 01:12:54,935
You know, I do a lot
of business down there...

1241
01:12:54,970 --> 01:12:56,961
always offer
to pay them off in tacos.

1242
01:12:58,340 --> 01:12:59,898
Oh, they love that.

1243
01:12:59,942 --> 01:13:01,239
Keep on moving through.

1244
01:13:04,380 --> 01:13:05,972
Let's get this straight
right now.

1245
01:13:06,014 --> 01:13:07,675
We wouldn't have been
late at all if not for you.

1246
01:13:07,716 --> 01:13:10,776
I want to have the big bag
of little doughnuts.

1247
01:13:10,819 --> 01:13:11,945
You get nothing, Hank.

1248
01:13:11,987 --> 01:13:14,285
I want to eat a big bag
of little doughnuts.

1249
01:13:14,323 --> 01:13:16,348
There's your paint can.

1250
01:13:16,392 --> 01:13:17,916
The next time you drink
window cleaner...

1251
01:13:17,960 --> 01:13:20,190
I'm just going to
leave it in you.

1252
01:13:24,867 --> 01:13:26,232
My pants are...

1253
01:13:42,518 --> 01:13:44,315
You rule!

1254
01:13:59,067 --> 01:14:00,125
Rebecca Ann Leeman.

1255
01:14:00,169 --> 01:14:02,899
You are the one
that wanted this.

1256
01:14:02,938 --> 01:14:04,132
Now get up there.

1257
01:14:04,173 --> 01:14:07,267
I don't care if you have to ride
this thing sidesaddle.

1258
01:14:07,309 --> 01:14:08,435
Get up there.

1259
01:14:08,477 --> 01:14:11,002
It smells funny... like gasoline.

1260
01:14:11,046 --> 01:14:13,708
Everything smells
like that in Mexico.

1261
01:14:13,749 --> 01:14:15,546
My dress will reek, Mother.

1262
01:14:15,584 --> 01:14:16,949
You listen to me now, missy.

1263
01:14:16,985 --> 01:14:18,680
This thing cost your dad
a pretty penny...

1264
01:14:18,720 --> 01:14:20,312
so you get your ass up there.

1265
01:14:20,355 --> 01:14:23,153
And show me some teeth.

1266
01:14:23,192 --> 01:14:25,251
Love you, baby.

1267
01:14:35,938 --> 01:14:37,701
You rule!

1268
01:14:39,908 --> 01:14:41,034
Stop it!

1269
01:14:41,076 --> 01:14:43,738
You are a bad kid!

1270
01:15:00,829 --> 01:15:02,353
You rule!

1271
01:15:06,368 --> 01:15:08,461
If I die from these fumes...

1272
01:15:08,504 --> 01:15:10,495
you'll make sure and cover up
the hickeys on my neck?

1273
01:15:13,008 --> 01:15:15,772
And the bite marks on my ears.

1274
01:15:15,811 --> 01:15:17,301
Yeah, sure.

1275
01:15:17,346 --> 01:15:21,248
And I know it won't show,
but on my inner thighs...

1276
01:15:21,283 --> 01:15:22,716
Yes, Leslie, OK.

1277
01:15:22,751 --> 01:15:24,343
Help!

1278
01:15:34,930 --> 01:15:36,727
OK, I designed the float.

1279
01:15:36,765 --> 01:15:43,329
And what's going to happen here
is that this is going to look...

1280
01:15:43,372 --> 01:15:47,035
like a glistening lake
beneath the swan.

1281
01:15:48,210 --> 01:15:49,575
We need more bars.

1282
01:15:49,611 --> 01:15:50,873
This is... What?

1283
01:15:50,913 --> 01:15:52,107
Enid ate a whole pan.

1284
01:15:52,147 --> 01:15:53,512
She can't do anything
by herself.

1285
01:15:54,983 --> 01:15:57,213
This is exactly
how I pictured it...

1286
01:15:57,252 --> 01:15:59,083
Choking on swan gas.

1287
01:16:01,390 --> 01:16:03,415
Oh, great.

1288
01:16:11,767 --> 01:16:13,234
Oh, my God.

1289
01:16:16,371 --> 01:16:18,601
Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

1290
01:16:18,640 --> 01:16:19,766
Oh, my God.

1291
01:16:19,808 --> 01:16:21,332
Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

1292
01:16:35,624 --> 01:16:38,092
Oh, my baby!

1293
01:16:38,160 --> 01:16:39,923
Oh, my God!

1294
01:16:39,995 --> 01:16:42,657
The swan ate my baby!

1295
01:16:44,099 --> 01:16:48,160
Becky, baby, get up!

1296
01:16:48,203 --> 01:16:50,535
We got to go to state!

1297
01:16:52,474 --> 01:16:55,034
Gladys, let her go.

1298
01:16:55,077 --> 01:16:56,237
No. She's not getting up.

1299
01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:58,872
We got to...
Get off of me, you cow!

1300
01:17:02,217 --> 01:17:05,084
What are you looking at, huh?

1301
01:17:05,120 --> 01:17:07,816
A whole goddamned town
full of losers...

1302
01:17:07,856 --> 01:17:09,448
that's what I'm looking at!

1303
01:17:11,693 --> 01:17:12,819
And you...

1304
01:17:14,429 --> 01:17:16,260
You piece of shit trailer trash!

1305
01:17:16,298 --> 01:17:19,062
That should've been you
in there!

1306
01:17:19,101 --> 01:17:21,399
Damn it, I should've killed you
when I had a chance...

1307
01:17:21,436 --> 01:17:23,461
just like your little friend!

1308
01:17:23,505 --> 01:17:27,999
Tammy was one crispy critter
up on that thresher!

1309
01:17:28,043 --> 01:17:30,671
Ding! Fries are up!

1310
01:17:31,813 --> 01:17:33,280
Stop it! Stop it!

1311
01:17:40,188 --> 01:17:41,314
Take it easy.

1312
01:17:41,356 --> 01:17:43,153
Let go of me!

1313
01:17:43,191 --> 01:17:44,590
Oh, my God, it's "Cops. "

1314
01:17:44,660 --> 01:17:46,150
He sells reproductions!

1315
01:17:46,228 --> 01:17:49,197
His furniture's as fake
as my orgasms.

1316
01:17:49,231 --> 01:17:50,698
Hey, how you doing?

1317
01:17:50,732 --> 01:17:52,199
Hey. What's up, Scott?

1318
01:17:52,234 --> 01:17:53,861
You remember Bruce, right?

1319
01:17:53,902 --> 01:17:56,370
Bruce, that's Roy.
Roy, Bruce.

1320
01:17:57,906 --> 01:18:01,569
And that's why, dear Lord,
it's with such great sorrow...

1321
01:18:01,610 --> 01:18:04,238
we turn over to you
this young woman...

1322
01:18:04,279 --> 01:18:06,577
whose dream of riding
on a giant swan...

1323
01:18:06,615 --> 01:18:08,845
has brought about
her untimely death.

1324
01:18:08,884 --> 01:18:14,413
Maybe it's your way
of telling us to buy American.

1325
01:18:15,457 --> 01:18:16,719
That's right.

1326
01:18:18,493 --> 01:18:20,393
As acting president...

1327
01:18:20,429 --> 01:18:22,624
of the Mount Rose
Civil Servettes...

1328
01:18:22,698 --> 01:18:24,325
it is my duty...

1329
01:18:24,399 --> 01:18:29,996
to make you Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.

1330
01:18:32,174 --> 01:18:34,142
Turn around for the picture.

1331
01:18:34,176 --> 01:18:35,165
You look good.

1332
01:18:39,181 --> 01:18:40,978
What is wrong with you?

1333
01:18:41,016 --> 01:18:42,142
I don't know.

1334
01:18:42,184 --> 01:18:43,742
I didn't wanna win like this.

1335
01:18:43,785 --> 01:18:45,650
You stop right there.

1336
01:18:45,687 --> 01:18:47,154
You are a good person.

1337
01:18:47,189 --> 01:18:49,657
Good things happen
to good people.

1338
01:18:49,691 --> 01:18:50,817
Really?

1339
01:18:50,859 --> 01:18:53,350
No, it's pure bullshit, sweetie.

1340
01:18:53,395 --> 01:18:56,159
You're lucky as hell,
so you might as well enjoy it.

1341
01:18:56,231 --> 01:18:57,858
Let's get you a root-beer float.

1342
01:18:57,933 --> 01:19:00,094
You guys want some shots?
I'm buying.

1343
01:19:01,103 --> 01:19:04,561
I never liked her,
but she didn't deserve...

1344
01:19:04,606 --> 01:19:07,074
to die in the belly
of a swan like that.

1345
01:19:07,109 --> 01:19:11,944
The whole thing's just kinda
sad and lame at the same time.

1346
01:19:13,115 --> 01:19:15,083
This came for you, sweetie.

1347
01:19:15,117 --> 01:19:16,744
Hi, guys.

1348
01:19:16,785 --> 01:19:18,582
It's from the state!

1349
01:19:18,620 --> 01:19:20,110
Yeah. Open it up.

1350
01:19:21,123 --> 01:19:23,591
It's all the stuff I get to do.

1351
01:19:24,626 --> 01:19:25,957
OK, let's see.

1352
01:19:27,195 --> 01:19:30,631
We get a personal consultation
with a makeup artist.

1353
01:19:31,833 --> 01:19:34,802
Oh, there'll be
a choreographer to the stars.

1354
01:19:34,836 --> 01:19:36,303
- Choreographer.
- The stars.

1355
01:19:37,339 --> 01:19:38,806
Oh, my God.

1356
01:19:38,840 --> 01:19:40,637
No way. Oh, my God.

1357
01:19:40,675 --> 01:19:43,143
For Christ's sakes,
spit it out, Amber.

1358
01:19:43,178 --> 01:19:46,147
We'll be staying overnight at...

1359
01:19:46,181 --> 01:19:47,978
the Airport Howard Johnson!

1360
01:19:48,016 --> 01:19:49,483
Right by the airport!

1361
01:19:49,518 --> 01:19:50,644
Oh, Amber!

1362
01:19:50,685 --> 01:19:52,653
God, that's so great!

1363
01:19:54,189 --> 01:19:56,657
Oh, crap. I only got
four weeks to practice.

1364
01:19:56,691 --> 01:19:58,158
Let's go, let's go!
Right now!

1365
01:19:58,193 --> 01:19:59,319
I'm gonna call your mom.

1366
01:20:30,258 --> 01:20:32,385
All right, say, "airport hotel. "

1367
01:20:32,460 --> 01:20:33,427
Airport hotel!

1368
01:20:33,461 --> 01:20:35,429
Coffee and doughnuts.

1369
01:20:39,301 --> 01:20:41,269
Yeah, why don't you
take a picture?

1370
01:20:41,303 --> 01:20:42,270
It lasts longer.

1371
01:20:42,304 --> 01:20:43,362
Loretta, don't do that.

1372
01:20:43,405 --> 01:20:44,770
All right. I'm sorry.
They're just staring.

1373
01:20:44,806 --> 01:20:46,273
I gotta work with these girls.

1374
01:20:46,308 --> 01:20:47,468
OK, I'm sorry.

1375
01:21:14,236 --> 01:21:15,703
And you are...

1376
01:21:15,737 --> 01:21:18,205
Mount Rose
American Teen Princess.

1377
01:21:18,240 --> 01:21:20,231
Funny, you don't look dead.

1378
01:21:24,079 --> 01:21:26,047
- OK, ladies!
- Girls, come on.

1379
01:21:26,081 --> 01:21:28,709
Ladies, listen up.
I'm Colleen Douglas.

1380
01:21:28,750 --> 01:21:32,049
And this raven beauty
on my right is Terry Macy.

1381
01:21:32,087 --> 01:21:33,247
Hi there.

1382
01:21:33,288 --> 01:21:35,882
And we're your Minnesota
American Teen Princess...

1383
01:21:35,924 --> 01:21:37,186
state board.

1384
01:21:37,225 --> 01:21:38,556
That's right.

1385
01:21:38,593 --> 01:21:41,391
We're also the cofounders of
the Minnesota Modeling Academy.

1386
01:21:41,463 --> 01:21:43,260
Yep. And you can get
your applications...

1387
01:21:43,298 --> 01:21:44,765
over here at the tiki bar...

1388
01:21:44,799 --> 01:21:46,767
and we will wave the
fifty-dollar application fee...

1389
01:21:46,801 --> 01:21:49,269
if you list a friend
and put down her address.

1390
01:21:50,639 --> 01:21:51,936
So...

1391
01:21:51,973 --> 01:21:53,133
you're cute.

1392
01:21:54,142 --> 01:21:55,507
Oh, I see you're married.

1393
01:21:55,543 --> 01:21:58,944
If you catch this in your mouth,
I'll give you a present.

1394
01:21:58,980 --> 01:22:00,845
All right? Open wide.

1395
01:22:01,850 --> 01:22:03,647
Oh, God, you got that
on the first try.

1396
01:22:03,685 --> 01:22:05,653
Come here.

1397
01:22:05,687 --> 01:22:07,518
Oh, you are cute.

1398
01:22:07,555 --> 01:22:09,147
OK, due to budgetary
cutbacks...

1399
01:22:09,190 --> 01:22:10,657
And the fact...

1400
01:22:10,692 --> 01:22:12,660
that the national didn't
cough up a goddamn nickel...

1401
01:22:12,727 --> 01:22:14,524
You won't be staying overnight.

1402
01:22:14,596 --> 01:22:16,154
So everybody pay attention.

1403
01:22:16,231 --> 01:22:18,961
You've got about eight hours
till showtime.

1404
01:22:19,000 --> 01:22:20,729
Remember to count, ladies.

1405
01:22:20,769 --> 01:22:23,704
Cross on the left
and arms up on eight.

1406
01:22:23,738 --> 01:22:25,763
On the beat, on the beat,
on the beat!

1407
01:22:25,807 --> 01:22:28,298
Keep on. Keep moving it.

1408
01:22:28,343 --> 01:22:29,810
Come on, Miss Forest Lake...

1409
01:22:29,844 --> 01:22:31,641
take that stick out of your ass
or I will!

1410
01:22:31,680 --> 01:22:33,341
All right. Very nice.

1411
01:22:33,381 --> 01:22:34,575
Now come on.

1412
01:22:34,616 --> 01:22:36,174
Mom's out here in the front row.

1413
01:22:36,217 --> 01:22:37,343
Come on. Sell it!

1414
01:22:37,385 --> 01:22:39,250
That's very nice.

1415
01:22:39,287 --> 01:22:40,584
Remember, figure eights, ladies.

1416
01:22:40,622 --> 01:22:47,050
I can sum up our entire
philosophy with this glass.

1417
01:22:47,128 --> 01:22:49,221
I can look at it and see...

1418
01:22:49,297 --> 01:22:50,889
it's half full.

1419
01:22:50,966 --> 01:22:53,628
Which in the beauty pageant biz
means...

1420
01:22:53,668 --> 01:22:55,260
"Where the hell is my waiter?!"

1421
01:22:55,303 --> 01:22:57,430
- Marco!
- Polo!

1422
01:22:57,472 --> 01:23:00,635
Stop with the friggin' Marco
Polo, or I'll come over there...

1423
01:23:00,675 --> 01:23:02,233
and rip your
fat little heads off!

1424
01:23:11,519 --> 01:23:14,181
Miss Burnsville,
you're up next.

1425
01:23:19,728 --> 01:23:22,196
I have a little
secret weapon of my own.

1426
01:23:23,231 --> 01:23:24,357
Don't tell anyone.

1427
01:23:37,178 --> 01:23:39,146
Oh, I don't eat shellfish.

1428
01:23:39,180 --> 01:23:40,875
Ma always says,
"Don't eat anything...

1429
01:23:40,915 --> 01:23:42,382
"that can carry its house
around with it.

1430
01:23:42,417 --> 01:23:44,408
"Who knows the last time
it's been cleaned?"

1431
01:23:44,452 --> 01:23:46,420
I've done
about thirty-five pageants.

1432
01:23:47,489 --> 01:23:49,218
I guess my most memorable one...

1433
01:23:49,257 --> 01:23:51,725
would have to be
Miss Teen America 1995...

1434
01:23:51,793 --> 01:23:53,260
'cause it was in Vegas.

1435
01:23:54,295 --> 01:23:55,922
And my roommate did Adam West.

1436
01:23:55,997 --> 01:23:59,262
She said he was so horny.

1437
01:24:11,613 --> 01:24:12,841
Oh, my God.

1438
01:24:30,231 --> 01:24:32,631
I should just go home now.

1439
01:24:33,735 --> 01:24:35,202
OK, real good.

1440
01:24:35,236 --> 01:24:36,703
One suggestion, sweetie.

1441
01:24:36,738 --> 01:24:39,366
Why don't you hike up your skirt
a little bit then, OK?

1442
01:24:40,408 --> 01:24:41,568
Next!

1443
01:24:43,745 --> 01:24:45,713
Oh, my God.

1444
01:24:45,747 --> 01:24:47,214
I gotta go!

1445
01:24:47,248 --> 01:24:49,716
You better do something
about those nerves, sweetie.

1446
01:24:49,751 --> 01:24:51,218
Thirty million people
aren't gonna wait for you...

1447
01:24:51,252 --> 01:24:52,719
while you run to the john.

1448
01:24:52,754 --> 01:24:54,221
That's true.

1449
01:24:56,424 --> 01:24:58,790
Will somebody
get a mop and a bucket?

1450
01:24:58,860 --> 01:25:01,954
Today, a beauty pageant
turned ugly.

1451
01:25:05,066 --> 01:25:06,431
Did I win?

1452
01:25:06,468 --> 01:25:08,129
Honey, if I was a good lover...

1453
01:25:08,169 --> 01:25:10,194
Oh, for crap sake.

1454
01:25:10,238 --> 01:25:11,705
A salmonella dysentery
outbreak...

1455
01:25:11,739 --> 01:25:14,401
now traced to improperly
refrigerated shellfish...

1456
01:25:14,442 --> 01:25:17,002
was believed to be the cause.

1457
01:25:22,851 --> 01:25:25,547
Oh, my God.
Do you think they heard us?

1458
01:25:25,587 --> 01:25:29,148
Oh, for Christ's sake!
Call an ambulance!

1459
01:25:29,190 --> 01:25:30,316
An ambulance?

1460
01:25:30,358 --> 01:25:32,155
Call a priest,
for Christ's sake!

1461
01:25:33,561 --> 01:25:35,654
Joining us now
is David Richardson...

1462
01:25:35,730 --> 01:25:39,166
a member of a documentary crew
filming the pageant.

1463
01:25:39,234 --> 01:25:41,862
He was there
when tragedy struck.

1464
01:25:43,071 --> 01:25:46,199
Fuckin' beauty queens
blowin' chunks everywhere.

1465
01:25:46,241 --> 01:25:50,041
I've never seen anything
like it before, and...

1466
01:25:50,078 --> 01:25:51,375
I live in L.A.

1467
01:25:51,412 --> 01:25:52,743
Oh, hey, Ed.

1468
01:25:53,748 --> 01:25:55,215
That's our sound guy.

1469
01:25:55,250 --> 01:25:57,218
Could you tell us anything
about the controversy?

1470
01:25:57,252 --> 01:25:58,719
Is there a controversy here?

1471
01:25:58,753 --> 01:26:00,118
Has there been sabotage?

1472
01:26:00,155 --> 01:26:01,087
Wait a minute.

1473
01:26:01,122 --> 01:26:03,090
While we haven't
ruled out sabotage...

1474
01:26:03,124 --> 01:26:04,785
from neighboring
state pageants...

1475
01:26:04,826 --> 01:26:06,487
Iowa, Wisconsin, South Dakota.

1476
01:26:06,561 --> 01:26:07,823
Yeah, that's right.

1477
01:26:07,896 --> 01:26:09,864
Ohio.

1478
01:26:09,898 --> 01:26:10,865
That bitch from Wisconsin.

1479
01:26:10,899 --> 01:26:11,888
All right then.

1480
01:26:11,966 --> 01:26:14,127
The important thing
is we have a winner!

1481
01:26:14,169 --> 01:26:15,329
- Yes, we do.
- OK.

1482
01:26:15,370 --> 01:26:17,634
The Minnesota Modeling Academy
is proud to present...

1483
01:26:17,672 --> 01:26:19,469
Along with Sarah Rose
Cosmetics...

1484
01:26:19,507 --> 01:26:20,633
Amber Atkins...

1485
01:26:22,243 --> 01:26:25,144
The new Minnesota
American Teen Princess!

1486
01:26:25,180 --> 01:26:26,340
That's Amber Atkins.

1487
01:26:26,381 --> 01:26:28,349
That's right.
From Mount Rose.

1488
01:26:28,383 --> 01:26:31,284
Amber, how do you feel?

1489
01:26:31,319 --> 01:26:32,786
Well, I...

1490
01:26:32,820 --> 01:26:35,152
I feel like I need
to take a shower.

1491
01:26:36,324 --> 01:26:38,155
Honey, is this the best day
of your life?

1492
01:26:38,193 --> 01:26:41,185
Yeah. I wish
my mom was here, though.

1493
01:26:41,229 --> 01:26:42,696
Wave hi to her.

1494
01:26:42,730 --> 01:26:44,197
Hi, Mom.

1495
01:26:44,265 --> 01:26:45,732
Hey, you hear that?

1496
01:26:45,767 --> 01:26:47,234
Hi, monkey.

1497
01:26:47,268 --> 01:26:49,065
I got some.

1498
01:26:51,105 --> 01:26:53,573
Uh-huh. No, no. Gosh, no.

1499
01:26:53,608 --> 01:26:55,872
You know, I still don't
want to be on camera.

1500
01:26:55,910 --> 01:26:58,208
I just wanna say...

1501
01:26:58,246 --> 01:27:00,578
that little bitch
better watch her back...

1502
01:27:00,615 --> 01:27:02,242
at the nationals...

1503
01:27:02,283 --> 01:27:04,751
'cause I am making friends
on the inside.

1504
01:27:04,786 --> 01:27:06,913
Yeah. Darn good friends.

1505
01:27:06,955 --> 01:27:09,082
Friends who have friends
on the outside.

1506
01:27:09,123 --> 01:27:11,284
Get your sweet ass
off the phone, Cinnamon.

1507
01:27:11,326 --> 01:27:12,486
Gotta go.

1508
01:27:13,795 --> 01:27:14,762
Oh, yeah.

1509
01:27:14,796 --> 01:27:16,263
I just can't believe it.

1510
01:27:16,297 --> 01:27:18,128
I'm Minnesota's
American Teen Princess.

1511
01:27:18,166 --> 01:27:20,134
Our baby's going to nationals.

1512
01:27:20,168 --> 01:27:22,102
Lincoln, Alabama, look out!

1513
01:27:23,671 --> 01:27:25,901
I'm gonna be on TV
just like Diane Sawyer.

1514
01:27:30,178 --> 01:27:31,645
Annette, just use your hand.

1515
01:27:31,679 --> 01:27:33,271
They told me to practice.

1516
01:27:46,561 --> 01:27:48,051
I did it.

1517
01:27:48,129 --> 01:27:49,653
OK. Ready?

1518
01:27:49,731 --> 01:27:52,700
Here's the signal I'm gonna give
Mom when I'm on TV.

1519
01:27:54,569 --> 01:27:57,003
My little Carol Burnett.

1520
01:27:57,038 --> 01:27:58,505
Here she is...

1521
01:27:58,539 --> 01:28:00,803
Minnesota's
American Teen Princess...

1522
01:28:00,842 --> 01:28:02,309
and soon to be...

1523
01:28:02,343 --> 01:28:05,835
the next America's
American Teen Princess...

1524
01:28:05,880 --> 01:28:07,711
our little Amber.

1525
01:28:29,837 --> 01:28:32,135
So after Frank
dusts the crops...

1526
01:28:32,173 --> 01:28:35,142
he's taking her
to Lincoln, Alabama.

1527
01:30:58,686 --> 01:31:00,085
Come on out...

1528
01:31:00,121 --> 01:31:03,648
you little blond piece
of trailer-park trash!

1529
01:31:09,063 --> 01:31:12,157
We're here in the sixth hour
of a shootout between...

1530
01:31:18,406 --> 01:31:19,873
This is Amber Atkins...

1531
01:31:19,907 --> 01:31:23,206
reporting live from
the Food Shack for KRLH News.

1532
01:31:23,244 --> 01:31:25,212
One of our reporters
has just been shot.

1533
01:31:25,246 --> 01:31:28,238
Paramedics are working on her
right now...

1534
01:31:31,586 --> 01:31:33,178
I'm Peter Atchison.

1535
01:31:33,221 --> 01:31:34,688
And I'm Amber Atkins.

1536
01:31:34,722 --> 01:31:36,883
For WAZB News, good night.