1 00:00:33,103 --> 00:00:34,866 My husband. 2 00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:36,932 Thank you for last night. 3 00:00:52,592 --> 00:00:54,253 Thank you for last night. 4 00:01:13,581 --> 00:01:15,446 Thank you for last night. 5 00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:47,723 Hey, what do you think you're doing? 6 00:01:49,061 --> 00:01:50,426 Shit. 7 00:02:05,052 --> 00:02:10,354 Today, these visusally-impaired senior citizens will fulfill a lifelong dream: 8 00:02:13,547 --> 00:02:15,208 To swim with dolphins. 9 00:02:17,544 --> 00:02:18,772 Hey, check this out. 10 00:02:20,044 --> 00:02:22,376 -What is that? -Careful. 11 00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:24,737 That is four years of research. 12 00:02:24,542 --> 00:02:28,273 A technological breakthrough which might just save a life or two. 13 00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:30,269 -What's it for? -A device to prevent... 14 00:02:30,539 --> 00:02:32,404 ...the beaching of cetaceans. 15 00:02:32,537 --> 00:02:35,438 -That's whales to you and me. -Cetaceans, hush? 16 00:02:35,534 --> 00:02:37,729 That's a pretty big word for a man-whore. 17 00:02:40,533 --> 00:02:43,058 l'm not a man-whore. 18 00:02:43,031 --> 00:02:45,192 l'm a fish enthussiast. 19 00:02:45,530 --> 00:02:47,430 l stopped man-whoring when l met my wife. 20 00:02:47,528 --> 00:02:49,826 My mom said your wife got eaten on your honeymoon... 21 00:02:50,027 --> 00:02:51,790 ...becausse yos tried to feed the sharks. 22 00:02:52,026 --> 00:02:54,654 You tell your mom l was trying to feed the turtles. 23 00:02:55,024 --> 00:02:57,288 Didn't realize there was meat sauce on the lettuce. 24 00:02:57,524 --> 00:03:00,891 Whatever. l bet that thing doesn't even work, you stupid he-bitch. 25 00:03:01,021 --> 00:03:03,512 -Come on, l got it. -Hey, you little bastards. 26 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,681 Give that back! That's not a toy! 27 00:03:07,518 --> 00:03:09,782 That's the one. That's your grandma. 28 00:03:10,017 --> 00:03:11,848 Give me..! Come on! Give me..! 29 00:03:22,510 --> 00:03:25,638 Something seems to be going wrong. l'm not sure what's happening. 30 00:03:29,006 --> 00:03:30,439 l gotcha! l got..! 31 00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:44,695 Hey, everybody. l'm home. 32 00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:51,623 Hi, Kate. l missed you today. 33 00:03:52,492 --> 00:03:54,722 The prototype's almost working. 34 00:03:54,992 --> 00:03:56,721 All it needs is a few minor adjustments. 35 00:04:01,988 --> 00:04:05,754 Wes Takahashi in Malibu, where three blind swimmers are missing. 36 00:04:05,985 --> 00:04:07,976 I hope that man rots in hell! 37 00:04:08,984 --> 00:04:11,418 It was some weird guy. He tried to touch my ball.. 38 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,812 -Hello? -Deucey, Deucey, Deucey. 39 00:04:20,978 --> 00:04:22,673 It's your old buddy T.J. here. 40 00:04:22,977 --> 00:04:24,911 -T.J.? -I'm in Amsterdam. 41 00:04:25,476 --> 00:04:28,604 Man, you'd love it here. lt's like Disneyland for college students. 42 00:04:28,474 --> 00:04:29,702 You wouldn't believe this. 43 00:04:29,973 --> 00:04:32,965 Why don't you come and let your friend T.J. show you a good time. 44 00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:35,065 -Oh, that's crazy. l can't. -Look. 45 00:04:35,470 --> 00:04:37,938 lt ain't like you got something better to do over there. 46 00:04:37,968 --> 00:04:39,902 Amsterdam is so far away. 47 00:04:39,967 --> 00:04:43,232 Police have just released a sketch of a man wanted for questioning. 48 00:04:43,466 --> 00:04:47,835 Witnesses report he is goofy-looking and probably a virgin. 49 00:04:48,463 --> 00:04:51,330 On the other hand, far away could be good. 50 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,984 ls my wife gonna be okay in there? 51 00:04:56,459 --> 00:04:58,825 -She'll be fine, sir. -All right. 52 00:04:58,957 --> 00:05:02,188 Ladies and gentlemen, Flight 10 from Helsinki is now arriving 53 00:05:02,455 --> 00:05:05,185 Excuse me. l think there's been a mix-up. 54 00:05:06,453 --> 00:05:08,216 Oh, sorry. Sorry. 55 00:05:07,952 --> 00:05:11,046 That's okay. l always wondered what it felt like to be a white woman. 56 00:05:12,450 --> 00:05:14,577 -Can l borrow it? -Give me that. 57 00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:16,437 Hold on. 58 00:05:16,947 --> 00:05:19,677 All rows now boarding for Amsterdam. 59 00:05:27,441 --> 00:05:28,635 Excuse me. 60 00:05:28,940 --> 00:05:30,134 Okay. 61 00:05:39,436 --> 00:05:42,530 Hey, how many people get to do this on their honeymoon? 62 00:05:42,933 --> 00:05:44,764 You're sure it's safe to feed the turtles? 63 00:05:44,932 --> 00:05:48,595 You have nothing to worry about. l'm a fish expert, remember? 64 00:05:50,428 --> 00:05:52,328 What is that over there? 65 00:05:52,428 --> 00:05:55,693 Oh, that's just some kid with a fin on his back, trying to scare us. 66 00:05:55,926 --> 00:05:57,917 -Are you sure? -Yeah. 67 00:05:58,425 --> 00:06:01,258 Do you think the hotel would let us swim if there were sharks? 68 00:06:02,422 --> 00:06:06,483 Come on. This is Mexico. 69 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:09,979 They know what they're doing. 70 00:06:21,911 --> 00:06:23,902 This shirt's gonna be a great icebreaker. 71 00:06:23,911 --> 00:06:26,846 Fuck you, American, you imperialist bastard! 72 00:06:27,409 --> 00:06:30,469 l love America. l love President Bush. 73 00:06:30,408 --> 00:06:32,933 Thank you for bringing democracy to lraq. 74 00:06:33,405 --> 00:06:35,771 -Shut up! -Oh, shit! 75 00:06:37,404 --> 00:06:39,497 Oh, hello. Sir. 76 00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:42,927 -ls this okay? -You did miss a spot. 77 00:06:48,898 --> 00:06:50,263 Did l get it? 78 00:06:50,896 --> 00:06:53,057 Put some elbow in it. 79 00:06:55,394 --> 00:06:56,622 Sorry, honey. 80 00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:04,550 What's with all these red lights? 81 00:07:05,888 --> 00:07:08,379 l wonder if they know their curtains are open. 82 00:07:10,885 --> 00:07:12,113 Oh, man. 83 00:07:14,883 --> 00:07:16,680 Ahoy there! 84 00:07:17,382 --> 00:07:19,441 Big deucyy in Amsterdam. 85 00:07:20,879 --> 00:07:22,540 Man, get on over here. 86 00:07:23,379 --> 00:07:25,040 Deucey. 87 00:07:25,377 --> 00:07:27,675 -Look at this boat. -Check this out. 88 00:07:32,873 --> 00:07:34,534 You like that? 89 00:07:40,369 --> 00:07:41,893 l couldn't be happier for you. 90 00:07:41,868 --> 00:07:43,529 Come, let me show you my float-crib. 91 00:07:43,867 --> 00:07:46,961 -Okay. -Looking like money. 92 00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:50,427 l'm telling you, you gonna have a good time, man, hush? 93 00:07:52,362 --> 00:07:54,990 Well, it ain't much, but it's home. 94 00:07:56,859 --> 00:07:59,589 lt's nice. l like what you've done with it. 95 00:07:59,858 --> 00:08:03,191 Now, if you gotta use the bathroom, lift up the toilet seat. 96 00:08:03,356 --> 00:08:05,517 This is where l live. This is my home. 97 00:08:05,856 --> 00:08:08,518 l don't want nobody pissing on my toilet seat. 98 00:08:09,853 --> 00:08:12,651 What do you think of the float-crib? You feeling it? 99 00:08:12,851 --> 00:08:15,752 T.J., l think you got a bad leak here. 100 00:08:15,849 --> 00:08:17,476 No, no, no. lt's just high tide. 101 00:08:18,848 --> 00:08:21,282 ls that what l think it is? 102 00:08:21,846 --> 00:08:24,644 Yeah. l brought Kate. 103 00:08:25,345 --> 00:08:27,711 l really wanna show her a good time, you know? 104 00:08:27,843 --> 00:08:29,902 Maybe buy her a wooden shoe. 105 00:08:31,341 --> 00:08:32,831 Deucey. 106 00:08:33,839 --> 00:08:37,502 Keeping that leg is kind of creepy. 107 00:08:37,837 --> 00:08:40,670 -You gotta move on with your life. -T.J.! 108 00:08:42,835 --> 00:08:44,325 Hey, Lil' Kim, what's up? 109 00:08:44,335 --> 00:08:46,269 l no more man-whore. Too much danger. 110 00:08:49,332 --> 00:08:50,856 Excuse us for a moment, deucyy. 111 00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:54,661 Listen up, Lil' Kim. 112 00:08:54,829 --> 00:08:57,992 When your little bony ass had SARS, who got you out of quarantine? 113 00:08:58,826 --> 00:09:01,192 -Go make me some money. -No way! 114 00:09:01,325 --> 00:09:03,350 l take my three inches elsewhere. 115 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,584 So l thought l'd come over here and make a killing. 116 00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:13,844 Got myself a houseboat, some ho's. 117 00:09:13,817 --> 00:09:15,978 The only thing a woman love more than a man-ho... 118 00:09:16,317 --> 00:09:18,683 -...is a floating man-ho. -Makes sense. 119 00:09:18,815 --> 00:09:20,942 Then all these man-whore murders started. 120 00:09:21,315 --> 00:09:23,374 My he-bitches got too scared to go to work. 121 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,871 What kind of world do we live in... 122 00:09:24,812 --> 00:09:27,440 ...where the streets ain't safe for male prostitustes? 123 00:09:27,810 --> 00:09:29,675 Here's your hashish. 124 00:09:30,809 --> 00:09:32,970 -Enjoy. -Hashish? 125 00:09:33,308 --> 00:09:35,139 -Yeah. -No. 126 00:09:37,305 --> 00:09:38,863 l thought this was a coffee shop. 127 00:09:38,804 --> 00:09:41,329 Let me break it down for you. You're in Amsterdam. 128 00:09:41,802 --> 00:09:44,635 lf you want coffee, you go to a caf�. 129 00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:48,999 lf you want marijusana, ganji or some freaky-deaky, you go to a coffee shop. 130 00:09:48,799 --> 00:09:50,528 That's where you is now. 131 00:09:58,794 --> 00:10:01,558 Put that away. Cops. Cops! 132 00:10:02,292 --> 00:10:04,260 Hold it right there. 133 00:10:11,287 --> 00:10:14,916 Now, that joint looks loose. lf yous want, l'll roll the next one. 134 00:10:15,784 --> 00:10:17,513 Have a good evening, hush? 135 00:10:18,782 --> 00:10:21,182 Oh, don't worry about it, Deucey. This is Amsterdam. 136 00:10:21,282 --> 00:10:23,512 lt's perfectly legal over here. You want a hit? 137 00:10:23,780 --> 00:10:25,839 No. l'm not smoking nothing. 138 00:10:25,779 --> 00:10:27,144 Oh, come on, man. 139 00:10:27,777 --> 00:10:29,870 -Deucey don't smoke. -Suit yousrself. 140 00:10:29,777 --> 00:10:32,268 Well, well, well, if it ain't Heinz Hummer... 141 00:10:32,276 --> 00:10:34,437 ...the gigolo with the most below. 142 00:10:34,774 --> 00:10:36,401 What do you want, T.J.? l'm busy. 143 00:10:36,773 --> 00:10:39,173 l wanna introduce you to my friend, Deuce Bigalow. 144 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:42,002 -He's a gigolo from America. -Hi. 145 00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:48,497 Sometimes you're really funny, T.J. 146 00:10:48,267 --> 00:10:50,599 How much you getting for a Filthy Ramirez these days? 147 00:10:50,765 --> 00:10:51,993 l could get you more. 148 00:10:52,265 --> 00:10:54,324 A Filthy Ramirez? Where have you been? 149 00:10:54,763 --> 00:10:56,424 Nobody pays for that shit anymore. 150 00:10:56,263 --> 00:10:57,628 See you around, T.J. 151 00:10:57,762 --> 00:10:59,286 The Man-whore Awards are coming up. 152 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,193 You wanna win the Golden Boner? 153 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:02,887 l already won it twice. 154 00:11:03,258 --> 00:11:04,987 Just ask your ex-fianc�e. 155 00:11:05,257 --> 00:11:07,487 Man, why you gotta bring up Delisha like that? 156 00:11:09,755 --> 00:11:11,882 l can't believe prostitution's legal here. 157 00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:14,916 Oh, yeah, it's big bussiness. They got a union, dental plan. 158 00:11:14,752 --> 00:11:17,619 Man, if l had a he-bitch like Heinz Husmmer... 159 00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:19,547 ...put me back in the game. 160 00:11:20,250 --> 00:11:22,184 -ls he that good? -''ls he that good?'' 161 00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,808 They don't call him ''Lord of the Wangs'' for nothing. 162 00:11:25,246 --> 00:11:27,111 Man, what l wouldn't give.... 163 00:11:27,246 --> 00:11:28,474 For Heinz's wang? 164 00:11:29,244 --> 00:11:32,008 No, l don't want Heinz's wang! l want him as a client. 165 00:11:33,742 --> 00:11:35,505 Hey, man, keep your voice down. 166 00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:38,766 Talking about me wanting Heinz's big juicy wang. 167 00:11:38,738 --> 00:11:40,000 People would think l'm gay. 168 00:11:41,238 --> 00:11:43,536 Now, a pimp's only got one thing in this world: 169 00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:45,260 His reputation. 170 00:11:45,236 --> 00:11:48,069 Here you are, gentlemen. Fresh today. 171 00:11:49,733 --> 00:11:51,428 -What is this? -Spacecake. 172 00:11:53,230 --> 00:11:55,095 -Why do they call it that? -You know... 173 00:11:55,231 --> 00:11:57,529 ...it's what the astronauts eat. Like Tang. 174 00:12:00,727 --> 00:12:02,524 l'm starving. 175 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,353 -lt's a little dry. -Keep eating. lt gets better. 176 00:12:09,223 --> 00:12:11,521 -Yous sure you don't want any? -No. 177 00:12:11,721 --> 00:12:14,747 Never been high, never gonna be. 178 00:12:16,718 --> 00:12:18,379 This is pretty good cake, though. 179 00:12:19,218 --> 00:12:20,480 Fucking excellent. 180 00:12:55,696 --> 00:12:57,254 You. 181 00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:00,923 Come on in here. 182 00:13:01,694 --> 00:13:03,457 You--? You want me to...? 183 00:13:03,693 --> 00:13:05,183 Yes, you. 184 00:13:24,182 --> 00:13:26,980 -Maybe you can help me. -Really? 185 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:31,117 l don't want a man who's chiseled and sculpted. 186 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:34,476 l like soft and weak. 187 00:13:34,676 --> 00:13:37,941 -You do? -l want a man who's unemployed. 188 00:13:39,173 --> 00:13:41,698 And went to a community college. 189 00:13:42,172 --> 00:13:44,640 l am, and l did. 190 00:13:44,671 --> 00:13:47,504 -You know what really turns me on? -What? 191 00:13:47,669 --> 00:13:50,365 ls thinking about him in his tighty whities... 192 00:13:50,667 --> 00:13:52,692 ...sitting at his computer... 193 00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:55,100 ...and visiting different porn sites... 194 00:13:55,165 --> 00:13:59,761 ...and taking the free tour with no intention of ever joining. 195 00:14:00,162 --> 00:14:01,754 l don't have a credit card! 196 00:14:01,661 --> 00:14:04,596 -Kiss my chest. -Okay. 197 00:14:06,159 --> 00:14:07,786 Harder! 198 00:14:08,157 --> 00:14:09,385 -Bite me! -You sure? 199 00:14:09,656 --> 00:14:11,089 Harder! Bite me harder! 200 00:14:13,155 --> 00:14:16,613 Get off of my titty, you doped-up cracker! 201 00:14:19,152 --> 00:14:21,620 No more spacecakes for you. 202 00:14:24,149 --> 00:14:28,586 Hey. l'm sorry about that, T.J. l must have gotten a contact buzz. 203 00:14:28,646 --> 00:14:30,773 What'd l tell you about making me look gay? 204 00:14:31,145 --> 00:14:33,204 Not ten minutes go by and you got your mouth... 205 00:14:33,144 --> 00:14:34,736 ...all over my breasteses. 206 00:14:35,144 --> 00:14:36,475 My nipple's ruined! 207 00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:38,701 You're lucky l was born with a spare. 208 00:14:41,639 --> 00:14:43,573 There go one of my ho's. 209 00:14:44,139 --> 00:14:46,073 The old guy in the walker's one of your ho's? 210 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:49,765 Yeah. Why ain't his ancient ass out there making me my money? 211 00:14:49,634 --> 00:14:52,762 Kaiser! Get your old ass back in the booth! 212 00:14:53,134 --> 00:14:55,432 Deucey, meet me back at the float-crib. 213 00:14:56,132 --> 00:14:58,999 Bitches out here act like they never seen a pimp before. 214 00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:03,157 l raise my hand, they look at it like it's a goddamn croissant. Then: 215 00:15:04,627 --> 00:15:06,618 Feel my pimp hand. 216 00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:10,353 Where's the boat? 217 00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:25,347 Oh. You scared me. 218 00:15:27,614 --> 00:15:29,741 Hey. Do you know who l am? 219 00:15:29,612 --> 00:15:34,072 l am Heinz Hummer. l'm the gigolo with the most below. Okay? 220 00:15:34,610 --> 00:15:37,078 l can give you a Filthy Lopez like you never had before. 221 00:15:37,110 --> 00:15:39,806 l could give you a Cambodian Creamsicle... 222 00:15:40,108 --> 00:15:42,338 ...that will make you scream all night. Okay? 223 00:15:42,606 --> 00:15:46,042 But not now because l'm busy. So leave me alone, bitch. 224 00:15:48,602 --> 00:15:50,763 Wait a second. Do l know you? 225 00:15:54,599 --> 00:15:57,432 ''New-jizz-fizz... 226 00:15:58,597 --> 00:16:01,361 ...ver-bur-ger-king....''? 227 00:16:14,589 --> 00:16:16,181 Heinz. 228 00:16:23,085 --> 00:16:25,053 Man, are you wasted. 229 00:16:30,580 --> 00:16:32,070 l gotcha. 230 00:16:33,578 --> 00:16:35,569 Coming up next, more weather. 231 00:16:37,575 --> 00:16:39,042 What's this? 232 00:16:40,574 --> 00:16:42,508 Hey, Heinz, wake up, check this out. 233 00:16:44,572 --> 00:16:46,301 Holy shit. 234 00:16:48,070 --> 00:16:50,402 Europe just got a little better. 235 00:16:51,568 --> 00:16:54,560 Damn. That old Kaiser's got legs. 236 00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:57,501 -You gotta keep your bitches in line. -Yeah. 237 00:16:58,565 --> 00:17:01,432 -What's he doing here? -l found him passed out in the alley. 238 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,258 l couldn't just leave him there. 239 00:17:04,562 --> 00:17:05,859 l put in a good word for you. 240 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,994 Thanks, Deucey. Much appreciated. 241 00:17:08,559 --> 00:17:10,288 l knew you'd come around. 242 00:17:13,057 --> 00:17:16,151 Oh, shit. Heinz ain't passed out. Heinz is dead. 243 00:17:18,055 --> 00:17:21,354 No. He can't be. 244 00:17:21,552 --> 00:17:24,988 l'm telling you, Heinz is dead. See for yourself. 245 00:17:30,048 --> 00:17:31,310 Watch this. 246 00:17:37,543 --> 00:17:39,568 Maybe he's just a heavy sleeper. 247 00:17:45,538 --> 00:17:48,006 l can't believe you brought a dead man-whore in my home. 248 00:17:48,537 --> 00:17:51,335 -What were you thinking? -l didn't know you could die from pot. 249 00:17:51,535 --> 00:17:55,266 This is no pot-related fatality. This is no ganja accident. 250 00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:56,830 This man was murdered. 251 00:17:59,531 --> 00:18:01,055 The Man-whore Killer did this? 252 00:18:04,028 --> 00:18:06,656 -We gotta call the police. -No, no, no! Hey, hey! 253 00:18:07,028 --> 00:18:08,495 Goddamn, white boy. 254 00:18:08,526 --> 00:18:10,756 You think the police gonna believe a black pimp... 255 00:18:11,026 --> 00:18:13,654 ...had nothing to do with a dead prosti-dude in his crib? 256 00:18:24,017 --> 00:18:26,850 Before l toss your dumb ass in the canal, l just wanna say... 257 00:18:27,016 --> 00:18:29,211 ...for the record, under T.J.'s management... 258 00:18:29,515 --> 00:18:31,449 ...this would have never happened. 259 00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:37,880 l just gotta see what all the fuss was about. 260 00:18:42,508 --> 00:18:44,100 Goddamn! 261 00:18:44,506 --> 00:18:46,701 No wonder Delisha never came back. 262 00:18:47,006 --> 00:18:49,736 That shit's the real Loch Ness monster. 263 00:18:51,503 --> 00:18:52,993 What's over there? 264 00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:57,265 -Look where his hand is. -What the shit is this? 265 00:18:57,999 --> 00:19:00,627 What you looking at? Turn off them damn cameras! 266 00:19:00,997 --> 00:19:03,557 l ain't gay! l was only looking down his pants... 267 00:19:03,996 --> 00:19:06,294 ...becausse l heard his schlong was so big and juicy. 268 00:19:06,495 --> 00:19:09,157 Wait a minute. That didn't sound right. 269 00:19:08,994 --> 00:19:10,962 -Perv! -Give me them damn cameras. 270 00:19:13,991 --> 00:19:15,219 Where is he? 271 00:19:15,490 --> 00:19:18,926 We now interrupt Naked Seinfeld for this special report. 272 00:19:18,989 --> 00:19:20,581 The suspected Man-whore Killer... 273 00:19:20,488 --> 00:19:22,615 ...has been spotted on the Prinsengracht Canal... 274 00:19:22,986 --> 00:19:25,079 ...attempting to dispose of his latest victim. 275 00:19:26,484 --> 00:19:28,418 -I ain't gay! -The suspected killer... 276 00:19:28,483 --> 00:19:31,941 ...has been identified as Tiberius Jefferson Hicks. 277 00:19:31,981 --> 00:19:33,949 -You idiot. -He is still at large... 278 00:19:33,981 --> 00:19:35,448 -...and extremely.... -Hold it! 279 00:19:35,979 --> 00:19:37,571 Hey. Hey, guys! How's it going? 280 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,571 -Where is he? -l don't know. 281 00:19:42,976 --> 00:19:45,570 -Where is he? -l swear l don't know. 282 00:19:46,473 --> 00:19:48,998 Your loyalty is impressive, sir. 283 00:19:49,471 --> 00:19:52,770 You've once been arrested for man-whoring, were you not? 284 00:19:52,969 --> 00:19:54,994 Look, l wasn't really man-whoring 285 00:19:55,468 --> 00:19:59,495 Please, Mr. Bigalow. l've heard this a thoussand times. 286 00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,730 You were cold, you were frightened. 287 00:20:01,965 --> 00:20:04,263 He took you under his arm and fed you. 288 00:20:04,463 --> 00:20:06,260 He made you feel sexy. 289 00:20:06,462 --> 00:20:09,727 He told you how to hide money in every orifice. 290 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,623 But your friend is obviously a killer. 291 00:20:13,458 --> 00:20:14,755 T.J.'s not a killer. 292 00:20:15,957 --> 00:20:17,822 lf he isn't a murderer... 293 00:20:17,955 --> 00:20:20,924 ...then what was he doing checking out a dead man's penis? 294 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:23,752 l guess he was curiouss. 295 00:20:24,452 --> 00:20:27,683 He heard it was big and jusicy... 296 00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:30,248 ...and wanted to see for himself. 297 00:20:30,449 --> 00:20:31,814 A lot of guys do that. 298 00:20:33,947 --> 00:20:37,280 No, they don't. 299 00:20:38,444 --> 00:20:40,071 Okay. 300 00:20:40,944 --> 00:20:42,275 T.J.'s gay. 301 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:46,344 -Really? -Not normal-gay, but, you know... 302 00:20:46,939 --> 00:20:49,533 ...crazy-gay, you know? 303 00:20:50,438 --> 00:20:52,998 Musical-theater-gay. 304 00:20:54,436 --> 00:20:56,404 ls that why he puts lipstick... 305 00:20:57,933 --> 00:21:00,595 ...on all his victims? 306 00:21:01,932 --> 00:21:03,399 Wait a minute. 307 00:21:03,431 --> 00:21:07,060 ln the alley, l heard someone whistling. 308 00:21:07,429 --> 00:21:08,794 And l saw someone. 309 00:21:11,427 --> 00:21:13,122 A woman... 310 00:21:14,425 --> 00:21:16,893 ...in a leopard coat. 311 00:21:17,924 --> 00:21:21,621 People see a lot of crazy things when they're high on spacecake. 312 00:21:21,922 --> 00:21:23,947 There's drugs in spacecake? 313 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:27,913 Mr. Bigalow, l will find your pimp whether you help me or not. 314 00:21:34,664 --> 00:21:37,030 -T.J., thank God you're here. -How'd you find me? 315 00:21:37,162 --> 00:21:39,528 lt's the only chicken and waffle place in Holland. 316 00:21:39,661 --> 00:21:42,528 So a black man's gotta be at a chicken and waffles place? 317 00:21:42,659 --> 00:21:44,058 That's racist. 318 00:21:44,658 --> 00:21:48,025 -But you are here. -Yeah, but figuring it out is racist. 319 00:21:50,655 --> 00:21:53,055 -lt's a nice place. -Did you know Holland invented... 320 00:21:53,154 --> 00:21:55,247 -...chicken and waffles? -Really? 321 00:21:55,652 --> 00:21:58,587 Before that, you could only get chicken or waffles. 322 00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:01,586 But they were the first to put them together. 323 00:22:02,149 --> 00:22:05,812 Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that. 324 00:22:05,647 --> 00:22:07,877 You do know the Dustch started the slave trade. 325 00:22:08,645 --> 00:22:10,875 Those motherfuckers! 326 00:22:17,140 --> 00:22:18,607 Who let them print this? 327 00:22:18,639 --> 00:22:22,598 Look, we're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone. 328 00:22:23,138 --> 00:22:26,403 l don't give a damn about that. lt's the ''extremely gay'' part. 329 00:22:26,635 --> 00:22:29,331 lf l'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. 330 00:22:29,135 --> 00:22:30,966 Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. 331 00:22:31,133 --> 00:22:32,623 But a gay pimp? 332 00:22:33,132 --> 00:22:36,158 -Like, where l'm going? Vermont? -Look, T.J... 333 00:22:36,130 --> 00:22:38,121 ...l think l saw the real killer. 334 00:22:38,130 --> 00:22:39,358 lt was a woman. 335 00:22:40,627 --> 00:22:42,754 Some she-john went on a he-bitch killing spree... 336 00:22:42,627 --> 00:22:44,925 ...becausse she wasn't satisfied with a Filthy Lopez. 337 00:22:45,125 --> 00:22:47,821 -What's a Filthy Lopez? -Forty bucks. Same as downtown. 338 00:22:48,124 --> 00:22:51,184 All we do is find the she-johns that went out with the dead gigolos. 339 00:22:51,122 --> 00:22:52,919 -One of them is our killer. -Make sense. 340 00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:55,454 -You gotta get back on the horse. -Horse? What horse? 341 00:22:55,619 --> 00:22:56,847 The man-whore horse. 342 00:22:57,119 --> 00:22:58,746 We gonna use your white ass as bait. 343 00:22:59,118 --> 00:23:00,813 Bait? Look, l'm not man-whoring. 344 00:23:00,617 --> 00:23:02,949 We'll find the killer using your twat-sicle. 345 00:23:03,615 --> 00:23:07,073 Twat-sicle? Gross! No. 346 00:23:10,112 --> 00:23:11,943 Give this to my mama. 347 00:23:12,111 --> 00:23:14,443 Tell her l'm sorry l was a disappointment to her. 348 00:23:14,609 --> 00:23:17,203 Sorry l called her friends in the middle of the night... 349 00:23:17,607 --> 00:23:19,541 ...when l was pleasuring myself. 350 00:23:19,607 --> 00:23:22,667 And tell her she don't have to worry anymore about her baby. 351 00:23:25,103 --> 00:23:29,733 Even if l wanted to, how are we gonna find a dead gigolo's customers? 352 00:23:29,717 --> 00:23:31,912 We'll go to the man-whore union. But be careful. 353 00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:33,328 They'll be looking for me. 354 00:23:36,098 --> 00:23:39,795 Meeting of the Royal Order of European Man-whores... 355 00:23:40,096 --> 00:23:42,394 ...is now in session. 356 00:23:42,594 --> 00:23:45,256 These are the highest paid he-bitches in Europe. 357 00:23:45,093 --> 00:23:47,755 That? That's Rodrigo. He's from Spain. 358 00:23:48,091 --> 00:23:50,423 He can tie shoelaces with his tongue. 359 00:23:51,589 --> 00:23:53,648 That? That's Enzo. He's ltalian. 360 00:23:53,588 --> 00:23:55,886 His nutsack is insured for a million dollars. 361 00:23:56,087 --> 00:23:58,453 -That's 500 grand each. -Check it out. 362 00:23:59,085 --> 00:24:00,814 That's Assapopuluss from Greece. 363 00:24:01,085 --> 00:24:04,020 He can actually kiss you with his butthole. 364 00:24:04,083 --> 00:24:05,607 l'd like to never see that. 365 00:24:06,081 --> 00:24:10,074 l'd like to say a few words about our fallen comrade, Heinz Hummer. 366 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,411 Who's the blond guy? 367 00:24:11,578 --> 00:24:14,809 Chadsworth Buckingham. Comes from a long line of ho's. 368 00:24:15,076 --> 00:24:17,977 His great-great-great grandmother gave Henry Vlll crabs. 369 00:24:18,075 --> 00:24:21,044 But l know Heinz would like to be remembered for most... 370 00:24:21,573 --> 00:24:24,667 -...was being a male prostitute. -Hear, hear. 371 00:24:25,071 --> 00:24:27,938 He was also a suspercilious cunt. 372 00:24:28,568 --> 00:24:32,231 -Who's that guy? -Gian-Carlo. Silverback he-bitch. 373 00:24:32,567 --> 00:24:35,502 Heinz Hummer was undercustting all of us. 374 00:24:35,565 --> 00:24:37,192 -What? -Yes. 375 00:24:37,563 --> 00:24:40,396 He was charging the same price for straight sex... 376 00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:42,860 ...as he was for a Turkish Snow Cone. 377 00:24:43,061 --> 00:24:45,086 -What? -Oh, yes. 378 00:24:45,060 --> 00:24:49,224 He was also charging the same price for a Belgian Steamer... 379 00:24:49,557 --> 00:24:52,720 ...as he was for a Portusguese Breakfast. 380 00:24:54,555 --> 00:24:57,490 As we sow, so shall we reap. 381 00:24:57,553 --> 00:25:00,647 Thank you, Gian-Carlo, for those kind words. 382 00:25:01,051 --> 00:25:03,110 Until this insane killer is apprehended... 383 00:25:03,051 --> 00:25:06,384 ...the union is going to institute a new security measure. 384 00:25:06,548 --> 00:25:10,211 This ring locks snugly over your va-guy-na... 385 00:25:11,545 --> 00:25:14,708 ...and then communicates directly with a global satellite system. 386 00:25:14,543 --> 00:25:18,570 There are rings of all sizes available, smaller for our Asian members. 387 00:25:19,541 --> 00:25:21,008 Y'all know me. 388 00:25:21,540 --> 00:25:23,405 My name is McManus. 389 00:25:24,039 --> 00:25:28,669 l joined this union some 20-odd years ago for two reasons: 390 00:25:29,036 --> 00:25:31,732 To have intercourse in exchange for cash... 391 00:25:31,535 --> 00:25:34,527 ...and two, to protect me rights as a man-whore. 392 00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:36,227 But... 393 00:25:37,032 --> 00:25:38,761 ...three years ago... 394 00:25:39,031 --> 00:25:43,263 ...when this usnion told we man-whores... 395 00:25:43,528 --> 00:25:47,692 ...that we were to stop having intercourse with underage girls... 396 00:25:47,526 --> 00:25:49,892 ...l strongly disagreed. 397 00:25:50,524 --> 00:25:52,424 But l did not stand up. 398 00:25:52,523 --> 00:25:55,686 l'm ashamed to say l stood down! 399 00:25:56,021 --> 00:25:58,251 And then three months later... 400 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,853 ...this union told we man-whores... 401 00:26:02,018 --> 00:26:07,456 ...that we were to begin washing our private areas between customers. 402 00:26:07,515 --> 00:26:09,949 Our private areas. 403 00:26:11,014 --> 00:26:14,973 And once again, l'm ashamed to report to you gentlemen... 404 00:26:15,511 --> 00:26:16,808 ...l stood down! 405 00:26:17,509 --> 00:26:22,640 But now, sir, for what am l to tell my 8-year-old boy... 406 00:26:23,007 --> 00:26:25,305 ...when he comes to me and he says: 407 00:26:25,505 --> 00:26:27,439 ''Daddy. Daddy. 408 00:26:27,504 --> 00:26:32,703 What's that thing hanging off of your he-pussy?'' 409 00:26:33,501 --> 00:26:35,401 How am l to tell him, sir? 410 00:26:41,996 --> 00:26:44,624 Deucey, yos can do this. 411 00:26:44,995 --> 00:26:46,690 Due to high demand... 412 00:26:46,994 --> 00:26:50,054 ...each member will be only allowed two tickets... 413 00:26:49,992 --> 00:26:53,018 -...to this year's Man-whore Awards. -How's it going? 414 00:26:53,489 --> 00:26:56,754 l'm Deuce Bigalow. l'm a gigolo from America. 415 00:26:57,987 --> 00:27:01,218 My friend Tiberius Jefferson is not the Man-whore Killer. 416 00:27:01,486 --> 00:27:02,817 Homo! 417 00:27:03,984 --> 00:27:07,317 Now, l'm convinced that the real killer... 418 00:27:08,481 --> 00:27:09,709 ...is a she-john. 419 00:27:11,980 --> 00:27:14,312 Which means any one of you could be next. 420 00:27:15,977 --> 00:27:18,309 Now, there are a couple hundred gigolos in this room. 421 00:27:18,476 --> 00:27:20,944 Now, if we all work together... 422 00:27:20,975 --> 00:27:23,000 ...we can find out who the real killer is. 423 00:27:24,974 --> 00:27:26,635 What do you say? 424 00:27:33,468 --> 00:27:35,368 How come you didn't tell them l wasn't gay? 425 00:27:35,467 --> 00:27:38,459 Did you not just see me get thrown through a window? 426 00:27:38,466 --> 00:27:40,457 -What do we do now? -T.J. has an old friend... 427 00:27:40,964 --> 00:27:44,923 ...who just might be able to help us. Come on. Watch your step. 428 00:27:46,961 --> 00:27:48,690 Right this way, please. 429 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:50,188 Deuce. 430 00:27:52,457 --> 00:27:54,322 Antoine? 431 00:27:54,957 --> 00:27:56,982 -Sit down. -lt's good to see you. 432 00:27:56,955 --> 00:27:58,217 lt's been a long time. 433 00:28:04,451 --> 00:28:06,851 This is the list from the man-whore union. 434 00:28:07,449 --> 00:28:11,044 lt's got all the clients that went out with the dead gigolos. 435 00:28:11,447 --> 00:28:12,778 Awesome! 436 00:28:16,945 --> 00:28:20,346 Please be quiet. l went through a great deal of trouble to get this. 437 00:28:20,942 --> 00:28:23,604 -Sorry. -Now, if you want to compete... 438 00:28:23,441 --> 00:28:25,204 ...with the European man-whores... 439 00:28:25,439 --> 00:28:28,772 ...you need to learn how to really please a woman. 440 00:28:28,938 --> 00:28:31,463 -l should write some of this down. -Go ahead. 441 00:28:32,436 --> 00:28:35,633 You must be able to pleasure a woman with.. 442 00:28:36,934 --> 00:28:38,162 With your.. 443 00:28:38,933 --> 00:28:40,264 Pleasure her with...? 444 00:28:45,429 --> 00:28:46,794 Do you want me to try? 445 00:28:55,923 --> 00:28:57,151 All right. 446 00:28:58,422 --> 00:29:00,413 Women really like that? 447 00:29:10,415 --> 00:29:11,882 Man-whore down. 448 00:29:16,912 --> 00:29:19,176 Get the list. lt's in his pants. 449 00:29:19,410 --> 00:29:21,640 All right. l think l got it. 450 00:29:27,405 --> 00:29:29,965 Can't a brother stick his hand down another man's pants... 451 00:29:30,404 --> 00:29:32,634 ...without setting off the faggot alarm? 452 00:29:34,402 --> 00:29:36,962 Marlene Alsmere. She went out with Diego and Heinz. 453 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,265 What am l gonna do if she tries to kill me? 454 00:29:39,399 --> 00:29:42,129 Distract her with your magic she-nis, l'll look for evidence. 455 00:29:42,397 --> 00:29:44,297 The lipstick and the leopard coat. 456 00:29:48,895 --> 00:29:53,332 All right. Hi, l'm Deuce Bigalow. Hi, l'm Deuce Bigalow. 457 00:29:53,392 --> 00:29:56,486 Hi, l'm Deuce-- Biggest lady l've ever seen. 458 00:29:57,390 --> 00:29:59,483 That's a huge bitch. 459 00:30:03,387 --> 00:30:04,911 Hi. 460 00:30:07,885 --> 00:30:09,375 Cute kids. Are they yours? 461 00:30:09,383 --> 00:30:13,683 Those pictures, they come with the frames. l'm unable to have children. 462 00:30:14,380 --> 00:30:17,941 l'm so sorry. That must be very hard for you. 463 00:30:26,873 --> 00:30:28,306 Evidence. 464 00:30:31,871 --> 00:30:33,702 That big ho got food everywhere. 465 00:30:35,368 --> 00:30:36,858 You're a nice man. 466 00:30:37,368 --> 00:30:39,563 Now, take off your clothes. 467 00:30:39,367 --> 00:30:42,495 Don't you wanna talk a little more? You seem very interesting. 468 00:30:42,865 --> 00:30:44,492 Take them off! 469 00:30:47,362 --> 00:30:49,023 ''Dutch Bride.'' 470 00:31:11,849 --> 00:31:13,840 Baby walk to Mommy. 471 00:31:14,848 --> 00:31:16,873 Come, come. 472 00:31:16,846 --> 00:31:19,212 No! Like baby! 473 00:31:19,345 --> 00:31:22,337 Baby walk to Mommy. 474 00:31:24,843 --> 00:31:26,811 Good baby. 475 00:31:32,338 --> 00:31:34,067 Come to Mommy. 476 00:31:40,833 --> 00:31:43,631 Baby hungry? Want booby? 477 00:31:45,831 --> 00:31:47,765 Baby never eat again. 478 00:31:59,823 --> 00:32:02,724 You like them big hairy balls, don't you? 479 00:32:17,813 --> 00:32:20,338 Bad pussy! Bad pussy! 480 00:32:24,309 --> 00:32:25,640 Hold it! 481 00:32:25,809 --> 00:32:28,835 Hold it right there. ls this truck full of marijuana? 482 00:32:29,306 --> 00:32:32,901 ls this truck full of marijuana? Can't you read the sign? 483 00:32:33,304 --> 00:32:36,205 No unloading pot in the red zone. 484 00:32:36,303 --> 00:32:37,861 Write him up. 485 00:32:37,802 --> 00:32:40,430 -But, sir, it's my daughter's birthday. -lnspector. 486 00:32:40,801 --> 00:32:43,793 She's turning 13. We need all this pot for the party. 487 00:32:43,799 --> 00:32:47,064 lnspector. l got these lipticks from Marlene Alsmere. 488 00:32:47,296 --> 00:32:49,491 She was a customer of Heinz. She's big and strong. 489 00:32:49,796 --> 00:32:52,765 -She could easily be the killer. -The lipstick the killer uses... 490 00:32:52,794 --> 00:32:54,022 ...is a very rare one. 491 00:32:54,293 --> 00:33:00,254 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66. Discontinued in 1984. 492 00:33:00,289 --> 00:33:01,381 But.... But.... 493 00:33:01,789 --> 00:33:05,623 Sir, l have a list of the women who went out with the murdered gigolos. 494 00:33:06,286 --> 00:33:09,153 -Will you stop doing that? -Will you stop playing these games... 495 00:33:09,284 --> 00:33:11,912 -...and tell me where T.J.'s hiding? -T.J.'s innocent. 496 00:33:11,784 --> 00:33:14,184 Oh, don't make me laugh. ''T.J.'s innocent.'' 497 00:33:15,782 --> 00:33:18,478 Uncle! You forgot your lunch. 498 00:33:18,279 --> 00:33:20,713 That's very nice. Thanks. 499 00:33:26,276 --> 00:33:29,837 -Let me-- Let me help you with that. -Thank you. 500 00:33:31,772 --> 00:33:34,036 Excuse me for asking... 501 00:33:34,271 --> 00:33:36,364 ...but why did you slap yourself like that? 502 00:33:37,770 --> 00:33:39,465 Promise you won't laugh? 503 00:33:40,268 --> 00:33:41,496 l promise. 504 00:33:43,266 --> 00:33:46,929 l have obsessive compulsive disorder. 505 00:33:47,764 --> 00:33:51,325 l have these little rituals that l can't help doing. 506 00:33:51,762 --> 00:33:55,323 l can't touch doorknobs, l snap my fingers when l see a bus. 507 00:33:55,259 --> 00:33:57,921 And when someone sneezes, l slap myself three times. 508 00:33:58,258 --> 00:34:00,624 l've heard of that. That's not so bad. 509 00:34:02,756 --> 00:34:05,452 l'm sorry. Bells make me do that. 510 00:34:06,254 --> 00:34:07,778 lt got me kicked out of school. 511 00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:10,552 lt's okay. Everyone's got a few weird habits. 512 00:34:10,752 --> 00:34:14,210 Actually, l've got about 130. 513 00:34:15,749 --> 00:34:17,273 So you're above average. 514 00:34:18,247 --> 00:34:20,044 l mean.... l'm Deuce. 515 00:34:21,745 --> 00:34:23,736 l'm Eva. 516 00:34:24,744 --> 00:34:26,234 ls that a Sudanese Sweetlips? 517 00:34:26,242 --> 00:34:29,439 -How did you know? -lt's, like, my top-five favorite fish. 518 00:34:30,241 --> 00:34:32,539 They have one here at the aquarium. 519 00:34:32,740 --> 00:34:34,435 l heard this place is incredible. 520 00:34:39,735 --> 00:34:41,532 The doorknob? 521 00:34:42,734 --> 00:34:44,634 l'll get it. Okay. 522 00:34:45,732 --> 00:34:48,200 Thanks. Thank you. 523 00:34:48,648 --> 00:34:50,013 He's beautiful. 524 00:34:50,730 --> 00:34:52,322 That's really good. 525 00:34:52,729 --> 00:34:54,356 Thank you. 526 00:35:06,722 --> 00:35:11,557 Excuse me, but in America they don't allow smoking in aquariums. 527 00:35:13,217 --> 00:35:17,313 Well, in Europe, we don't unilaterally attack a country just to steal their oil. 528 00:35:18,214 --> 00:35:19,681 What? 529 00:35:20,214 --> 00:35:24,207 ''What?'' Did l offend you? Are you going to shock and awe me? 530 00:35:24,712 --> 00:35:27,840 Maybe you should check my pockets for weapons of mass destruction! 531 00:35:28,209 --> 00:35:30,677 What? l just asked you to put your cigarette out. 532 00:35:30,708 --> 00:35:32,005 And then what is next? 533 00:35:32,207 --> 00:35:34,232 Take wine away from my children? 534 00:35:34,706 --> 00:35:38,699 l put out this cigarette. God bless America. 535 00:35:41,202 --> 00:35:43,602 The nicotine in that cigarette is poisonous. 536 00:35:43,701 --> 00:35:46,431 -So they say. -lt could kill every fish in that tank. 537 00:35:46,700 --> 00:35:48,395 Poor little fishy. 538 00:35:51,197 --> 00:35:54,223 Hey. Why are you with that loser? 539 00:36:04,189 --> 00:36:06,419 You have a nice ass. 540 00:36:09,687 --> 00:36:11,678 l think this belongs to you. 541 00:36:18,182 --> 00:36:19,649 You dick! 542 00:36:20,180 --> 00:36:22,740 l would like to take you from behind. 543 00:36:26,177 --> 00:36:29,146 My penis is uncircumcised. 544 00:36:30,675 --> 00:36:32,404 No head. 545 00:36:32,675 --> 00:36:34,700 lt's like a torpedo. 546 00:36:35,673 --> 00:36:39,541 -You pig. -Oh, are you tired of swimming? 547 00:36:39,670 --> 00:36:43,128 Did the little fishies not want to play with you? 548 00:36:54,162 --> 00:36:56,687 Fuck off, you Yank! 549 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,060 l'm staying with my uncle for the summer. 550 00:37:01,658 --> 00:37:03,626 Then l go back to art school in Brussels. 551 00:37:03,658 --> 00:37:06,092 Could l take you out for coffee sometime? 552 00:37:06,656 --> 00:37:08,089 You mean like a date? 553 00:37:08,655 --> 00:37:10,179 Well, yeah. 554 00:37:15,150 --> 00:37:17,311 Oh, the siren. 555 00:37:18,649 --> 00:37:21,277 Right. Right. Siren. 556 00:37:21,648 --> 00:37:25,448 Before l can go on a date l have to collect five different colored tulips... 557 00:37:25,646 --> 00:37:29,412 ...eat two herring and drink a beer from a wooden shoe. 558 00:37:29,643 --> 00:37:31,634 Well, that sounds doable. 559 00:37:37,639 --> 00:37:39,163 What is it? 560 00:37:42,136 --> 00:37:43,364 The accordion player? 561 00:37:51,131 --> 00:37:53,031 The Smelly Finger Dance. 562 00:38:00,626 --> 00:38:02,594 One cheek at a time. 563 00:38:03,624 --> 00:38:07,583 Hey, guys. l need a quick gigolo fix. What do you say? 564 00:38:09,121 --> 00:38:12,386 l'm judging a sandcastle-building competition this afternoon... 565 00:38:12,619 --> 00:38:14,314 ...so l can't help you. 566 00:38:15,118 --> 00:38:17,951 The dog ate my penis. 567 00:38:21,115 --> 00:38:24,414 You don't have to walk me any further. l just work over there. 568 00:38:24,113 --> 00:38:26,843 -l don't mind. -l'm kind of embarrased of my job. 569 00:38:27,111 --> 00:38:30,342 l'm kind of embarrased of my job too. What do you do? 570 00:38:31,609 --> 00:38:33,201 Bye, Deuce. 571 00:38:33,608 --> 00:38:38,170 Well, well, well. lf it isn't Deuce Not-So-Big-Below. 572 00:38:41,604 --> 00:38:43,128 lt's Bigalow. 573 00:38:43,103 --> 00:38:45,333 What's your going rate, Douche? 574 00:38:45,602 --> 00:38:48,696 Well, l was getting $ 10. 575 00:38:50,599 --> 00:38:54,899 Okay, gigolo. Do you even know when a woman is having an orgasm? 576 00:38:55,096 --> 00:38:57,155 Sure l know. lt's when she says: 577 00:38:57,095 --> 00:39:01,191 ''Please stop. lt's okay. You tried. 578 00:39:02,592 --> 00:39:04,355 Now, get off me.'' 579 00:39:08,589 --> 00:39:11,285 l bet he doesn't even know how to give a Sneaky Castro. 580 00:39:11,587 --> 00:39:15,819 Well, that depends. lf she wants it regular sneaky or extra sneaky. 581 00:39:16,084 --> 00:39:18,882 There is no such thing as an Extra Sneaky Castro. 582 00:39:20,582 --> 00:39:22,209 ls there? 583 00:39:23,081 --> 00:39:24,810 lt's when you stick it in their.... 584 00:39:25,079 --> 00:39:29,379 lt's pretty convenient, your friend killing off all the competition. 585 00:39:29,577 --> 00:39:32,637 l've got my eye on you, Small-Below. 586 00:39:32,576 --> 00:39:34,567 Small-Below. 587 00:39:39,572 --> 00:39:41,540 I'll be right down. 588 00:39:47,068 --> 00:39:48,296 Okay. 589 00:39:49,567 --> 00:39:51,558 This is the woman that went out with Heinz... 590 00:39:52,066 --> 00:39:54,091 ...the night before he was murdered. 591 00:39:56,564 --> 00:40:00,466 Don't worry about it, Sherlock Ho. l ain't gonna let you out of my sight. 592 00:40:04,059 --> 00:40:06,527 Hi, you must be Lily. l'm Deuce. 593 00:40:06,557 --> 00:40:08,787 Nice to meet you. 594 00:40:19,550 --> 00:40:21,381 Would you like some bread? 595 00:40:21,549 --> 00:40:23,574 Oh, l can't have bread. 596 00:40:24,047 --> 00:40:26,743 lt's makes my esophageal lining swell up... 597 00:40:26,547 --> 00:40:29,015 ...and could block my throat-hole. 598 00:40:30,044 --> 00:40:32,012 -Excuse me for a second. -Sure. 599 00:40:38,540 --> 00:40:40,974 Pardon me. l had to clear. 600 00:40:42,037 --> 00:40:43,561 Yeah. 601 00:40:45,036 --> 00:40:47,470 -So, what do you do? -l just got fired. 602 00:40:47,535 --> 00:40:50,436 -l'm sorry. -l was a phone-sex operator. 603 00:40:52,032 --> 00:40:56,093 l only lasted a week. They were jealous of me. 604 00:40:57,530 --> 00:41:00,431 l heard that Heinz Hummer had a bit of a jealous streak. 605 00:41:00,528 --> 00:41:02,257 l bet you're glad he's dead. 606 00:41:02,527 --> 00:41:07,396 Heinz was the most gentle man l ever knew. 607 00:41:07,525 --> 00:41:11,393 l miss him and his mangina. 608 00:41:13,021 --> 00:41:15,080 l can't take it anymore. 609 00:41:17,019 --> 00:41:19,920 l'm sorry. l can see that you really liked Heinz. 610 00:41:21,517 --> 00:41:24,611 -Here, let me get that for you. -Thanks. 611 00:41:31,011 --> 00:41:33,946 -Let's go. -l think l'm gonna puke. 612 00:41:34,510 --> 00:41:37,673 l started smoking again when l lost my job. 613 00:41:37,508 --> 00:41:41,137 lf l don't find another one pretty soon, l'm gonna lose my house. 614 00:41:41,505 --> 00:41:44,133 Well, we'll just have to find you a new one. 615 00:41:44,505 --> 00:41:48,339 -Relax. Have some wine. -Thanks. 616 00:42:01,495 --> 00:42:04,020 l don't normally drink red wine so.... 617 00:42:05,493 --> 00:42:06,983 l have hiccups. 618 00:42:09,990 --> 00:42:13,118 -Gone down the wrong hole, l think. -Check, please. 619 00:42:14,987 --> 00:42:18,388 Deuce, l can't thank you enough. 620 00:42:18,485 --> 00:42:22,046 lt's good for you, it's good for them. l'm just glad it worked out. 621 00:42:23,982 --> 00:42:27,440 -l better get to work. -l'll be hearing from you. 622 00:42:27,980 --> 00:42:29,470 Okay. 623 00:42:31,478 --> 00:42:35,847 The white zone is for loading and unloading of vehicles only. 624 00:42:35,975 --> 00:42:38,409 There is no parking in the white zone. 625 00:42:38,475 --> 00:42:41,444 Thanks, Deuce. I had fun last night. 626 00:42:41,972 --> 00:42:43,200 The white zone.. 627 00:42:44,471 --> 00:42:47,065 l am Rodrigo Bollas de Madera. 628 00:42:47,969 --> 00:42:52,065 l am here for my 12:30 ass-hair bleaching. 629 00:42:52,467 --> 00:42:54,367 Okay. How blond do you wanna go? 630 00:42:55,965 --> 00:42:57,364 Gwyneth. 631 00:42:57,963 --> 00:42:59,191 Good choice. 632 00:43:10,957 --> 00:43:12,288 Oh, hey. 633 00:43:12,456 --> 00:43:16,688 l got a real Janeane Garofalo situation back there, so go for it. 634 00:43:22,451 --> 00:43:25,011 So, Enzo... 635 00:43:24,948 --> 00:43:27,382 ...got any she-johns lined up for tonight? 636 00:43:27,448 --> 00:43:30,781 Well, l did a Chili Rainbow last night so l'm exhausted. 637 00:43:30,945 --> 00:43:34,210 What about you, Assapopuslus? 638 00:43:34,444 --> 00:43:36,776 l've got the herpes so.... 639 00:43:36,943 --> 00:43:38,501 What are you gonna do? 640 00:43:40,441 --> 00:43:41,669 Liar! 641 00:43:41,940 --> 00:43:44,773 -Mahmoud! -What's your excuse? 642 00:43:44,938 --> 00:43:48,066 l just realized l'm gay. 643 00:43:49,935 --> 00:43:52,426 Any of yous guys want a blowjob? 644 00:43:54,933 --> 00:43:56,400 l do. 645 00:43:57,431 --> 00:43:59,160 Well.... 646 00:43:59,431 --> 00:44:03,800 Okay, then. l better go put that penis in my mouth. 647 00:44:03,928 --> 00:44:06,226 You're all afraid of the Man-whore Killer. 648 00:44:06,426 --> 00:44:07,859 -No. Come on. -No, we're not. 649 00:44:07,925 --> 00:44:10,826 -Get down! -l don't wanna die! 650 00:44:11,424 --> 00:44:14,325 You really should find a better hiding place. 651 00:44:15,422 --> 00:44:16,980 Oh, you haven't heard. 652 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:20,946 -Rodrigo's been killed. -No. 653 00:44:20,918 --> 00:44:24,183 Oh, my God, why? He was just having his ass hair bleached. 654 00:44:24,417 --> 00:44:26,783 He got much more than that, l can assure you. 655 00:44:30,414 --> 00:44:33,349 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very happy that Scotland Yard... 656 00:44:33,412 --> 00:44:37,473 ...has now joined the search for the gay killer, Tiberius Jefferson. 657 00:44:37,909 --> 00:44:39,376 Thank you very much. 658 00:44:40,408 --> 00:44:43,707 So how about this next one? Svetlana Revenko. 659 00:44:43,906 --> 00:44:46,374 The Russsian women are a little freaky down below. 660 00:44:46,404 --> 00:44:49,840 Hair start in the front, don't end till it get to the back. 661 00:44:50,403 --> 00:44:52,462 So if you gotta give a little mouth-to-south... 662 00:44:52,402 --> 00:44:54,199 ...put a clothespin on your nose. 663 00:44:54,900 --> 00:44:56,367 l'll keep that in mind. 664 00:44:58,898 --> 00:45:00,763 Wish me luck. 665 00:45:00,896 --> 00:45:03,956 Gasov. You mind changing that to the weather channel? 666 00:45:06,893 --> 00:45:08,622 lt's gonna be cold tomorrow. 667 00:45:10,891 --> 00:45:13,359 l have been waiting for you, Mr. Bigalow. 668 00:45:17,388 --> 00:45:21,154 Aren't you afraid to work with the Man-whore Killer on the loose? 669 00:45:21,885 --> 00:45:23,113 What do you know about it? 670 00:45:22,884 --> 00:45:26,217 Apparently there's some maniac who's killing them all. 671 00:45:26,383 --> 00:45:28,783 Some people say they deserve it. What do you think? 672 00:45:29,382 --> 00:45:32,647 l think everything happens for reason. 673 00:45:33,379 --> 00:45:35,973 You're probably wondering why l'm wearing this veil. 674 00:45:36,377 --> 00:45:40,313 l wasn't, but if you wanna talk about it, cool. 675 00:45:40,376 --> 00:45:41,775 l grew up in Chernobyl. 676 00:45:41,874 --> 00:45:43,102 Chernobyl. 677 00:45:43,873 --> 00:45:46,205 -What a pretty name. -My mother... 678 00:45:46,372 --> 00:45:50,206 ...she work in nuclear reactor when she was pregnant with me. 679 00:45:50,869 --> 00:45:55,533 lnstead of a nose, l was born with an appendage on my face. 680 00:45:56,866 --> 00:45:59,391 A male appendage. 681 00:46:01,863 --> 00:46:03,228 No shit? 682 00:46:04,362 --> 00:46:08,526 l have always been a little self-conciouss about it. 683 00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:10,726 Well, you shouldn't. l mean.... 684 00:46:10,859 --> 00:46:16,195 A lot of women would love to have a guy's dick on their face. 685 00:46:16,356 --> 00:46:18,483 Yours is just permanent. 686 00:46:20,853 --> 00:46:22,480 You are sweet. 687 00:46:23,352 --> 00:46:26,048 And very handsome for an American. 688 00:46:29,349 --> 00:46:30,873 l like you. 689 00:46:38,843 --> 00:46:42,006 l would love to hear some Latin music. 690 00:46:41,841 --> 00:46:44,139 Well, l'll see if the penis knows any. 691 00:46:45,340 --> 00:46:47,638 l mean the pianist. 692 00:46:48,339 --> 00:46:50,364 The guy playing the piano. 693 00:46:52,337 --> 00:46:56,000 The band has started. Aren't we lucky? 694 00:47:14,824 --> 00:47:16,689 Damn, no lipstick. 695 00:47:16,822 --> 00:47:19,916 -You smell nice. What is it? -lt's Old Nice. 696 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:23,686 lt's a knockoff of Old Spice. 697 00:47:23,819 --> 00:47:28,051 l like it, but l think it makes me sneeze. 698 00:47:28,317 --> 00:47:30,308 What happens when you sneeze? 699 00:47:32,315 --> 00:47:34,476 Oh, Jesus, l'm sorry. 700 00:47:35,812 --> 00:47:39,373 Oh, good Lord. Now is a good time to turn. 701 00:47:50,305 --> 00:47:51,704 Hi. 702 00:48:03,797 --> 00:48:06,027 How long are you going to be staying in Holland? 703 00:48:05,795 --> 00:48:07,990 Only until l can prove my friend T.J.'s innocent. 704 00:48:08,794 --> 00:48:10,887 ls there someone waiting for you back home? 705 00:48:12,293 --> 00:48:13,760 lt's kind of hard to explain. 706 00:48:14,790 --> 00:48:16,553 Would you like to meet her? 707 00:48:17,290 --> 00:48:19,053 She's here in Amsterdam? 708 00:48:19,788 --> 00:48:21,653 lt's my wife. 709 00:48:23,785 --> 00:48:26,345 l got her right here in my duffle bag. 710 00:48:31,782 --> 00:48:34,546 Kate, this is my new friend, Eva. 711 00:48:35,780 --> 00:48:38,408 She passed away a couple of years ago... 712 00:48:38,778 --> 00:48:40,973 ...and this is all l have left of her and l.... 713 00:48:46,275 --> 00:48:48,334 Nice to meet you. 714 00:48:48,273 --> 00:48:53,438 She was very lucky to have someone so devoted to her. 715 00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:12,024 Hey, can l see you when you get off work? 716 00:49:12,260 --> 00:49:16,162 Oh, you know, l'd really love to, but l'm going to be so tired. 717 00:49:16,258 --> 00:49:18,158 -Bye. -Okay. 718 00:49:30,750 --> 00:49:32,741 Eva. Eva. 719 00:49:33,748 --> 00:49:37,013 Did you just kiss me nine times becausse you're OCD? 720 00:49:37,246 --> 00:49:39,874 No. lt's because l like you. 721 00:49:41,743 --> 00:49:43,142 Excuse us, coming through. 722 00:49:46,740 --> 00:49:48,708 What are they doing in there, anyway? 723 00:49:49,240 --> 00:49:51,003 They're making a movie. 724 00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:53,639 Cool. What kind of movie? 725 00:49:58,735 --> 00:50:01,203 -l better get to work. -Okay. 726 00:50:01,733 --> 00:50:04,258 ln there? You work in there? 727 00:50:05,231 --> 00:50:08,359 -Yeah. Well-- -Hi, Eva. Great work yesterday. 728 00:50:08,229 --> 00:50:10,390 -Thank you. -Eva. Eva. Listen... 729 00:50:10,728 --> 00:50:14,186 ...we really need you on the set. All the guys are waiting. 730 00:50:14,226 --> 00:50:17,525 -All the gusys? -Yeah. l can't keep them waiting. 731 00:50:17,723 --> 00:50:18,951 Bye, Deuce. 732 00:50:20,223 --> 00:50:22,783 l'll put your name on the list. 733 00:50:38,713 --> 00:50:40,237 Hey, whoa, whoa. 734 00:50:40,212 --> 00:50:42,009 Back of the line, buddy. 735 00:50:42,211 --> 00:50:44,907 Trust me, she's worth the wait. 736 00:50:49,207 --> 00:50:50,834 lt's a closed set, you can't come in. 737 00:50:50,706 --> 00:50:52,105 Like hell l can't. 738 00:50:53,704 --> 00:50:55,501 Get off her, you little freak! 739 00:51:03,698 --> 00:51:05,427 Eva, you don't have to do this. 740 00:51:08,197 --> 00:51:11,598 Hey, l agreed to one midget, not two! 741 00:51:14,693 --> 00:51:16,217 Deuce? 742 00:51:17,192 --> 00:51:18,955 Eva, you don't have to do this. 743 00:51:19,191 --> 00:51:20,419 Do what? 744 00:51:21,189 --> 00:51:23,214 -This. -What? 745 00:51:25,187 --> 00:51:26,745 This. 746 00:51:29,684 --> 00:51:31,117 You painted that? 747 00:51:31,683 --> 00:51:33,776 l'm a scenic artist. 748 00:51:33,683 --> 00:51:35,981 So that's what you do here. 749 00:51:39,179 --> 00:51:41,238 Hey, little friend. l guess l owe you a big.. 750 00:51:45,259 --> 00:51:48,057 Stoner Steve here! Who wants to get high? Stoner Steve! 751 00:51:48,175 --> 00:51:50,370 -T.J., is that you? -Quiet, you dumb prosti-dude. 752 00:51:50,673 --> 00:51:53,107 l've went out with every girl on that list in Holland. 753 00:51:53,172 --> 00:51:56,369 -Find the rest of those bitches. -Those women live in other countries. 754 00:51:56,669 --> 00:52:00,901 Goddamn, white boy! Pack up that snatch-pole and go find the real killer! 755 00:52:01,167 --> 00:52:03,829 Stoner Steve! Stoner Steve Caf�! 756 00:52:14,659 --> 00:52:15,683 Hi. 757 00:52:17,159 --> 00:52:18,251 Hi. 758 00:53:20,624 --> 00:53:22,057 Hey, look at that. 759 00:53:22,124 --> 00:53:23,751 Look at that, right there. 760 00:53:35,117 --> 00:53:36,482 Are yous sure? 761 00:54:07,099 --> 00:54:08,396 T.J., there you are. 762 00:54:08,597 --> 00:54:10,861 The girl with the giant ears heard Heinz talking... 763 00:54:11,097 --> 00:54:14,498 ...aboust some photo in the man-whore society. We gotta get in there. 764 00:54:14,595 --> 00:54:17,894 -Why aren't you in disguise? -l'm in disguise. 765 00:54:18,592 --> 00:54:20,116 l'm in blackface. 766 00:54:21,092 --> 00:54:23,083 -But you're black. -Yeah, but l'm disguised... 767 00:54:23,090 --> 00:54:24,853 ...as a different black guy. 768 00:54:25,090 --> 00:54:27,081 -You look the same. -What you trying to say? 769 00:54:27,088 --> 00:54:29,283 -We all look alike? -No, that's not it. 770 00:54:29,587 --> 00:54:32,852 You're such a racist. l got half a mind to stop helping you save me. 771 00:54:33,085 --> 00:54:34,950 Come on. Jeez, let's go. 772 00:54:41,580 --> 00:54:45,141 Excuse me. This is a private club. Man-whores only. 773 00:54:45,078 --> 00:54:48,013 Hey, l'm a real good man-whore. Just go ask your mama. 774 00:54:50,076 --> 00:54:52,738 Still. l'm going to have to ask you to leave. 775 00:54:53,075 --> 00:54:55,771 That's what your mama said after l bang her. 776 00:54:58,071 --> 00:54:59,470 Okay, that's it. 777 00:55:00,070 --> 00:55:01,503 Go, go, go! 778 00:55:06,567 --> 00:55:08,831 Hey, your mama is in here. 779 00:55:09,065 --> 00:55:10,862 lt's okay. l know what l'm talking about. 780 00:55:11,065 --> 00:55:14,626 lf you're going to stick two in there, you're gonna need a lot of lubricant. 781 00:55:15,062 --> 00:55:17,030 l know what l'm talking about, huh? 782 00:55:17,061 --> 00:55:18,756 Okay, l gotta go now, Ma. 783 00:55:47,045 --> 00:55:48,706 Hey, this thing is locked. 784 00:55:58,038 --> 00:56:01,269 Man! l only heard about this place. 785 00:56:01,036 --> 00:56:03,834 This is where man-whoring all started. 786 00:56:05,535 --> 00:56:07,867 Check it out. You know who this is? 787 00:56:08,033 --> 00:56:10,433 He was the first guy to keep from shooting his load... 788 00:56:10,531 --> 00:56:11,759 ...by thinking about sports. 789 00:56:14,530 --> 00:56:17,863 This guy, here? Baron Von Doggy Style. 790 00:56:18,028 --> 00:56:20,553 Led a pimping expedition to the Arctic Circle. 791 00:56:20,526 --> 00:56:23,086 Froze to death sixty-nining a moose. 792 00:56:23,525 --> 00:56:26,585 The only thing left of him is this stick... 793 00:56:26,523 --> 00:56:29,651 ...which he used to bitch-slap Eskimos. 794 00:56:34,518 --> 00:56:37,817 Now, this brother here, Kunta Kuntlicker. 795 00:56:38,516 --> 00:56:41,246 He's the Jackie Robinson of ass-eating. 796 00:56:44,014 --> 00:56:45,572 Vladmir Suckmeov. 797 00:56:46,013 --> 00:56:48,607 The first man-ho in space. They were studying... 798 00:56:49,011 --> 00:56:51,343 ...the effects of zero gravity on the reach-around. 799 00:56:51,509 --> 00:56:55,377 -Will you cut it out? -l'm sorry. This is my Graceland. 800 00:56:58,006 --> 00:57:00,497 Hey. Wait a minute. Hey, check this out. 801 00:57:02,004 --> 00:57:05,770 That's the blond lady with the leopard coat. This must be the killer. 802 00:57:07,500 --> 00:57:10,162 So, what are you going to wear to the Man-whore Awards? 803 00:57:10,498 --> 00:57:13,956 l thought l'd go with a tux and satin chaps with my ass-plug cuff link.. 804 00:57:15,496 --> 00:57:18,590 -You left the trophy case open again. -Whoa, papa, that wasn't me. 805 00:57:18,494 --> 00:57:19,984 Deucey. 806 00:57:20,994 --> 00:57:23,622 -l gotta fart. -You gotta what? 807 00:57:23,491 --> 00:57:26,016 -l gotta fart. -Well, hold it. 808 00:57:28,489 --> 00:57:29,751 l hear something. 809 00:57:33,486 --> 00:57:36,683 l think the building is squeaking. 810 00:57:36,984 --> 00:57:38,611 Maybe it's a bird. 811 00:57:44,981 --> 00:57:46,573 You idiot! 812 00:57:49,977 --> 00:57:51,501 -Go. -Bigalow! 813 00:57:52,476 --> 00:57:54,910 Security! Stop them! 814 00:57:56,974 --> 00:57:58,566 T.J. 815 00:58:11,466 --> 00:58:13,400 -Move the curtain! -What the hell? 816 00:58:13,964 --> 00:58:15,556 Somebody smoked a he-bitch! 817 00:58:17,962 --> 00:58:20,522 -Enzo? He kill Enzo. -No, no, l didn't do it. 818 00:58:20,461 --> 00:58:22,486 What is that? 819 00:58:23,459 --> 00:58:25,984 That is not a dick in my hand. 820 00:58:26,457 --> 00:58:30,484 Anybody got some antibacterial gel? l got burnt dick on my hand. 821 00:58:38,451 --> 00:58:40,385 Eva. Eva. 822 00:58:40,449 --> 00:58:42,747 -l'm in the shower. -T.J.'s been arrested. 823 00:58:42,949 --> 00:58:45,315 l can't hear you! l'll be out in a minute! 824 00:58:45,447 --> 00:58:49,110 In his gayest murder yet, the homosexual Man-whore Killer... 825 00:58:49,444 --> 00:58:52,106 ...murdered famed gigolo Enzo Giarraputo. 826 00:58:52,443 --> 00:58:56,777 Our meteorologist Trus is sick today. Filling in is Henk van de Berg. 827 00:59:45,914 --> 00:59:48,747 What's the matter? Why are you looking at me like that? 828 00:59:48,913 --> 00:59:50,471 Like what? 829 01:00:01,405 --> 01:00:04,306 l'll get that. l was a Boy Scout for almost a week. 830 01:00:06,402 --> 01:00:08,233 So is your uncle home? 831 01:00:08,902 --> 01:00:11,894 No. We're completely alone. 832 01:00:12,900 --> 01:00:14,561 Would you like some cheese? 833 01:00:14,898 --> 01:00:16,263 l'm lactose intolerant. 834 01:00:16,897 --> 01:00:18,865 Why are you so jumpy? 835 01:00:19,395 --> 01:00:21,192 Maybe l can help you relax. 836 01:00:25,893 --> 01:00:27,656 You're shaking. 837 01:00:29,390 --> 01:00:30,880 Maybe it's because l'm cold. 838 01:00:31,389 --> 01:00:33,016 l can fix that. 839 01:00:33,388 --> 01:00:35,288 Why don't you pour us a drink. 840 01:00:40,384 --> 01:00:43,911 So l guess we're all alone, huh? 841 01:00:45,882 --> 01:00:47,315 Yes. 842 01:00:48,380 --> 01:00:50,678 Deuce. You're scaring me. 843 01:00:51,378 --> 01:00:52,606 Eva. 844 01:00:55,375 --> 01:01:00,312 Listen, everything l'm about to do is because l really care for you. 845 01:01:00,873 --> 01:01:02,204 Oh, Deuce. 846 01:01:02,872 --> 01:01:04,339 Now, l don't know why.... 847 01:01:05,871 --> 01:01:09,898 l don't know why you've done this, but l'm gonna give you everything l've got. 848 01:01:37,353 --> 01:01:38,718 Deuce? 849 01:01:48,347 --> 01:01:50,212 -Don't go in there. Stop! -Gaspar. Gaspar. 850 01:01:50,346 --> 01:01:53,713 l know who the killer is. l know who the killer is. 851 01:02:00,841 --> 01:02:02,069 l know who the killer is. 852 01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:04,934 l knew sooner or later someone would figure it out. 853 01:02:10,335 --> 01:02:12,667 l'm sorry l have to be the one to tell you. 854 01:02:17,331 --> 01:02:18,889 lt's Eva. 855 01:02:20,330 --> 01:02:22,025 lt's Eva? 856 01:02:23,828 --> 01:02:25,955 You mean my niece Eva? 857 01:02:26,326 --> 01:02:28,351 l know it sounds crazy... 858 01:02:28,325 --> 01:02:31,294 ...but l found the lipstick. The same lipstick the killer used. 859 01:02:31,824 --> 01:02:35,760 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66, at your house. 860 01:02:35,821 --> 01:02:39,723 And you found it in the pocket of a trench coat hanging in the closet? 861 01:02:39,819 --> 01:02:43,755 Exactly. Plus, l heard her whistling the same song l heard the killer whistle. 862 01:02:43,818 --> 01:02:45,183 Like: 863 01:02:52,312 --> 01:02:54,906 Now, you tell me. Why would anyone but the killer... 864 01:02:55,311 --> 01:02:58,678 ...be whistling that specific song? The odds would be astronomical. 865 01:02:58,809 --> 01:03:00,572 Maybe the song got stuck in her head... 866 01:03:00,808 --> 01:03:03,208 ...because she overheard the real killer whistling it. 867 01:03:03,306 --> 01:03:05,331 And maybe the real killer is someone... 868 01:03:06,305 --> 01:03:09,866 ...very near and dear to her, though she doesn't realize. 869 01:03:11,301 --> 01:03:15,203 Sure. Or maybe the Hamburglar did it and escaped with the Great Pumpkin. 870 01:03:15,799 --> 01:03:19,098 Look, l understand this must be very difficult for you... 871 01:03:19,298 --> 01:03:21,960 ...to be out-thunk by a civilian like myself. 872 01:03:22,296 --> 01:03:24,287 But we have to put our egos aside right now... 873 01:03:24,295 --> 01:03:25,728 ...and do what's best for Eva. 874 01:03:25,794 --> 01:03:27,887 She's clearly ill and she needs our help. 875 01:03:28,293 --> 01:03:29,783 You're absolutely right. 876 01:03:29,792 --> 01:03:33,125 You know, the only thing l can't think of is motive. 877 01:03:33,290 --> 01:03:35,520 l mean, what could she have against man-whores? 878 01:03:35,789 --> 01:03:40,317 Maybe because they represent a decline of this once glorious city... 879 01:03:40,286 --> 01:03:43,380 ...which has become a new Sodom and Gomorrah for rich college kids... 880 01:03:43,784 --> 01:03:46,878 ...to smoke hash, to fornicate with Venezuselan hookers... 881 01:03:46,783 --> 01:03:50,776 ...or to defecate on our historic cobblestone streets. 882 01:03:51,280 --> 01:03:53,840 They don't defecate on the streets. 883 01:03:58,776 --> 01:04:02,177 Well, how do you know he's a tourist? l mean, he could be a local. 884 01:04:07,271 --> 01:04:08,670 Where is Eva now? 885 01:04:10,269 --> 01:04:12,032 She's at your house. 886 01:04:11,769 --> 01:04:13,396 Good. 887 01:04:20,764 --> 01:04:22,925 Do you really think you need all those weapons? 888 01:04:23,263 --> 01:04:25,356 She doesn't seem that dangerous. 889 01:04:25,762 --> 01:04:29,596 -You're not gonna hurt her, are you? -You can never be too careful. 890 01:04:31,258 --> 01:04:35,126 -That poor guy. -What a dipshit. 891 01:04:35,756 --> 01:04:36,173 Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy... 892 01:04:36,173 --> 01:04:39,438 Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy... 893 01:04:39,754 --> 01:04:43,690 ...safe in the knowledge that all of the continent's finest gigolos... 894 01:04:43,752 --> 01:04:47,085 ...are right here under one roof, all asking: 895 01:04:47,249 --> 01:04:51,208 ''Who is gonna walk away with the Golden Boner?'' 896 01:04:51,247 --> 01:04:54,876 In this car, we have Assapopulus and his date for the evening. 897 01:04:55,246 --> 01:04:56,770 -Damn it. -His mother. 898 01:04:56,745 --> 01:05:00,647 She's the woman that made me start into prostitustion... 899 01:05:00,742 --> 01:05:03,905 ...made me go into prostitustion. l wanted to become a doctor, but.... 900 01:05:04,241 --> 01:05:06,106 Uncle, you home? 901 01:05:06,739 --> 01:05:09,765 What a beautiful couple, mother and man-whore. 902 01:05:11,236 --> 01:05:13,136 ''Man-Whore Awards''? 903 01:05:13,735 --> 01:05:16,568 Please welcome your host for this evening. Johnny Vaughan. 904 01:05:16,734 --> 01:05:21,228 Thank you very much. Can I just say, ladies, gentlemen, man-whores... 905 01:05:21,731 --> 01:05:26,566 ...a night where we celebrate guys who can get wood no matter what. 906 01:05:26,729 --> 01:05:28,594 Do you know, they have gay-pride days. 907 01:05:28,727 --> 01:05:31,025 -Oh, my God. -Yes. 908 01:05:33,725 --> 01:05:37,092 -l'm going to kill them all. -But why? 909 01:05:37,222 --> 01:05:40,350 Don't you see what's happening to our country? 910 01:05:44,719 --> 01:05:47,051 But it's murder. 911 01:05:48,717 --> 01:05:53,381 During the final number, when these man-whores are gathered on-stage... 912 01:05:53,714 --> 01:05:56,114 ...l push this little button and: 913 01:05:57,211 --> 01:05:59,338 Bye-bye, gigolos. 914 01:05:59,710 --> 01:06:04,340 Shouldn't be that hard to pin the crime on your good friend Deuce Bigalow. 915 01:06:04,708 --> 01:06:05,936 l won't let you! 916 01:06:08,705 --> 01:06:10,764 lf you wanna stop me... 917 01:06:13,202 --> 01:06:16,501 ...it's as simple as touching this doorknob. 918 01:06:22,197 --> 01:06:25,189 -Where's Eva? -Eva's gone to the Man-whore Awards. 919 01:06:25,697 --> 01:06:28,188 -l'm going there too. -l'm coming with you. 920 01:06:28,695 --> 01:06:32,062 Yes. Yes, you should be there too. 921 01:06:46,185 --> 01:06:46,602 Now let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 922 01:06:46,601 --> 01:06:49,035 Now let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 923 01:06:49,183 --> 01:06:54,382 ln Thailand, l got a job in a carnival sideshow, eating broken glass. 924 01:06:54,680 --> 01:06:58,411 We did six shows a day. That's a lot of broken glass. 925 01:06:58,178 --> 01:07:01,511 And it's all collected in the lining of my anus. 926 01:07:02,175 --> 01:07:06,043 My ass is like one big, nasty cheese grater. 927 01:07:08,172 --> 01:07:11,141 Here to perform his signature move, the Chili Rainbow... 928 01:07:11,170 --> 01:07:15,664 ...would you please welcome Assapopuslus Borealis. 929 01:07:39,656 --> 01:07:41,089 Deuce! 930 01:07:41,155 --> 01:07:42,816 Deuce! Right here! 931 01:07:43,153 --> 01:07:45,417 -Hey, Eva's right behind us. -Deuce, stop! 932 01:07:48,150 --> 01:07:50,175 What are you doing? She's right back there. 933 01:07:51,149 --> 01:07:53,140 -He's the killer! -What? 934 01:07:53,148 --> 01:07:54,581 You're with the killer! 935 01:07:55,147 --> 01:07:57,638 -l'm with the dealer? -He's the Man-whore Killer! 936 01:07:57,646 --> 01:07:59,477 Eighteen-wheeler? 937 01:08:00,145 --> 01:08:01,510 My uncle is the killer! 938 01:08:02,643 --> 01:08:05,578 Oh! l'm with the.. You're the k.. 939 01:08:05,641 --> 01:08:09,099 She says that l am the killer, you stupido. 940 01:08:14,636 --> 01:08:16,934 But why? What did man-whores ever do to you? 941 01:08:17,135 --> 01:08:18,830 What did they do to me? 942 01:08:20,133 --> 01:08:23,569 All my life l dreamed of being one thing: a gigolo. 943 01:08:24,131 --> 01:08:26,429 Yes, me. Gaspar Voorsboch. 944 01:08:27,630 --> 01:08:31,031 l'll never forget that day. Never. 945 01:08:31,127 --> 01:08:33,925 It was my first semester at Man-whore University. 946 01:08:34,126 --> 01:08:35,525 Now, today, class... 947 01:08:35,626 --> 01:08:40,256 ...we shall learn how to give a lady a proper Portusguese Breakfast. 948 01:08:40,623 --> 01:08:43,114 You take an egg and you crack it. 949 01:08:43,621 --> 01:08:45,680 You mix them up. 950 01:08:45,620 --> 01:08:48,555 Now, this is a good chance to sweet-talk the client. 951 01:08:49,118 --> 01:08:51,348 -And? -And we pour that in there. 952 01:08:51,616 --> 01:08:55,279 -Beautiful. Very nice, now. And.. -And don't forget the Canadian bacon. 953 01:08:55,115 --> 01:08:56,776 Canadian bacon. l was getting to that. 954 01:08:57,113 --> 01:08:59,377 -What are you doing? -lt's a penis enlarger. 955 01:08:59,613 --> 01:09:01,740 Just a few pumps and it gets your thing bigger. 956 01:09:01,611 --> 01:09:03,579 You mind if l give myself a few pumps? 957 01:09:04,110 --> 01:09:05,441 Go nuts. 958 01:09:05,609 --> 01:09:07,770 There we go. So there you have it. 959 01:09:07,608 --> 01:09:11,044 Tell me. How was your Portuguese Breakfast? 960 01:09:11,606 --> 01:09:13,096 Delicious. 961 01:09:13,105 --> 01:09:15,369 -Elsa? -Gaspar? 962 01:09:22,599 --> 01:09:24,328 They knew she was my fianc�e. 963 01:09:24,098 --> 01:09:26,589 And tonight l will get my revenge. 964 01:09:33,594 --> 01:09:35,152 Leave it! 965 01:09:46,586 --> 01:09:49,646 l'm from Canada and l'm wasted! 966 01:09:52,083 --> 01:09:53,345 -Are you all right? -Yeah. 967 01:09:53,583 --> 01:09:55,574 -Are you okay? -Stop! Stop! 968 01:09:55,582 --> 01:09:57,209 Police business. 969 01:09:58,080 --> 01:09:59,411 Come on, we gotta stop him. 970 01:10:00,579 --> 01:10:03,047 Stop! Stop! Man-whore bussiness. 971 01:10:03,078 --> 01:10:05,740 Before we present the award for Man-whore of the Year... 972 01:10:06,076 --> 01:10:10,137 ...let's take a moment to honor those gigolos who have recently passed. 973 01:10:29,063 --> 01:10:31,964 Hey, Daddy. l was looking in your underwear drawer and l found... 974 01:10:32,061 --> 01:10:33,688 ...this bracelet. 975 01:10:34,561 --> 01:10:37,621 Holy mother of God. That's not a bracelet, boy. 976 01:10:38,058 --> 01:10:41,858 That is a device that your daddy has to wear on his he.. 977 01:10:42,056 --> 01:10:43,284 His he.. 978 01:10:43,556 --> 01:10:45,717 His he.. 979 01:10:47,053 --> 01:10:49,351 Happy birthday, son, you got a bracelet. 980 01:10:49,552 --> 01:10:50,814 Great. 981 01:10:52,551 --> 01:10:53,779 Let's go. Come on. 982 01:10:54,049 --> 01:10:55,880 Now the award you've all been waiting for: 983 01:10:56,048 --> 01:10:57,538 The Man-whore of the Year. 984 01:10:57,547 --> 01:11:00,345 Listen. Go get help. l'll get all the gigolos off the stage. 985 01:11:00,546 --> 01:11:02,480 Okay. Good luck. 986 01:11:03,044 --> 01:11:04,341 Excuse me. 987 01:11:04,544 --> 01:11:07,104 You have to get off the stage now or you'll all be killed! 988 01:11:07,542 --> 01:11:10,306 Get the hell out of here, Douche, before l have you thrown out. 989 01:11:10,041 --> 01:11:12,669 -There's a bomb on the stage! -You idiot. 990 01:11:13,039 --> 01:11:14,802 You're all gonna die! 991 01:11:16,037 --> 01:11:18,164 l'm the Man-whore Killer. This is a bomb! 992 01:11:18,036 --> 01:11:21,403 Everybody out! Everybody get out! 993 01:11:21,535 --> 01:11:23,264 You gotta get out of here! 994 01:11:28,531 --> 01:11:31,523 You'll die with the rest of them, Bigalow. 995 01:11:34,027 --> 01:11:37,394 Those gigolos robbed me of my manhood. 996 01:11:37,526 --> 01:11:41,758 l was never able to satisfy a woman. l'll see to it that they won't either. 997 01:11:47,021 --> 01:11:51,355 You don't have to kill anyone, Gaspar. Because you can please a woman. 998 01:11:52,518 --> 01:11:54,816 Those gigolos don't know what they're talking about. 999 01:11:55,016 --> 01:11:56,984 ls he talking aboust us? 1000 01:12:01,012 --> 01:12:02,741 Do you really think all a woman wants... 1001 01:12:03,012 --> 01:12:05,003 ...is some guy to give her a Mud Pretzel... 1002 01:12:05,011 --> 01:12:08,208 ...or Turkish Snow Cone or an lrish Facial? 1003 01:12:09,509 --> 01:12:12,307 -Yes, they do, liar. -No, they don't. 1004 01:12:13,006 --> 01:12:16,874 A woman wants a guy who'll ask her about her day and really listen to her. 1005 01:12:17,505 --> 01:12:19,473 -Or at least pretend to. -Yes. 1006 01:12:19,503 --> 01:12:20,970 What? 1007 01:12:21,502 --> 01:12:23,231 When she's hurting... 1008 01:12:23,001 --> 01:12:24,696 ...ask her how she feels. 1009 01:12:25,999 --> 01:12:28,263 -Cry with her. -Yeah! 1010 01:12:28,498 --> 01:12:30,398 These gigolos are just ripping women off! 1011 01:12:31,996 --> 01:12:35,432 l've never had any complaint from any of those freaks! 1012 01:12:37,992 --> 01:12:39,721 l faked it. 1013 01:12:41,492 --> 01:12:44,017 A woman doesn't care if you wear a Rolex watch... 1014 01:12:44,490 --> 01:12:46,958 ...or have a gigantic schlong like Heinz Hummer. 1015 01:12:47,987 --> 01:12:49,750 This guy knows his shit. 1016 01:12:52,984 --> 01:12:54,542 What are you doing? 1017 01:12:55,983 --> 01:12:57,883 Anyone else? 1018 01:13:03,480 --> 01:13:06,972 lf you let a woman know you care, maybe she'll give you an lrish Facial. 1019 01:13:16,972 --> 01:13:19,907 We will die together, man-whore. 1020 01:13:21,969 --> 01:13:25,097 -You don't have to do this. -They ruined my life. 1021 01:13:24,967 --> 01:13:28,198 -Give me the detonator. -No. 1022 01:13:28,465 --> 01:13:30,228 My penis exploded. 1023 01:13:31,465 --> 01:13:33,695 Okay, that's a tough one. l'll give you that. 1024 01:13:35,462 --> 01:13:39,592 But having a penis is way overrated. Trust me. 1025 01:13:41,458 --> 01:13:43,688 No. No. 1026 01:13:43,957 --> 01:13:45,424 Gaspar! 1027 01:13:54,451 --> 01:13:56,146 Are you okay? 1028 01:13:57,949 --> 01:13:59,940 We did it. 1029 01:14:05,945 --> 01:14:08,140 That's the grossest thing l've ever seen. 1030 01:14:08,443 --> 01:14:10,502 And l've seen some pretty gross things. 1031 01:14:10,443 --> 01:14:10,826 -ln the car. -Put your head down. 1032 01:14:10,825 --> 01:14:12,122 -ln the car. -Put your head down. 1033 01:14:12,441 --> 01:14:14,375 l'll be seeing you again, man-whore. 1034 01:14:15,440 --> 01:14:19,171 Deuce, you saved the Man-whore Society. 1035 01:14:19,937 --> 01:14:21,734 The Golden Boner belongs to you. 1036 01:14:21,936 --> 01:14:24,268 Thanks. l'm..That's very.... 1037 01:14:25,435 --> 01:14:27,130 This belongs to you too. 1038 01:14:28,932 --> 01:14:30,797 Hang it to the left. 1039 01:14:31,431 --> 01:14:33,023 You gonna eat that? 1040 01:14:32,930 --> 01:14:35,296 -Knock yourself out. -Thank you. 1041 01:14:38,428 --> 01:14:41,829 So l guess this means you're a real gigolo now. 1042 01:14:41,925 --> 01:14:43,654 l don't want you to treat me differently. 1043 01:14:43,923 --> 01:14:45,948 How much would you charge me for a kiss? 1044 01:14:46,423 --> 01:14:48,482 Well, the first one's always free. 1045 01:14:52,920 --> 01:14:55,445 -Deuce! -What? 1046 01:14:55,918 --> 01:14:57,613 Oh, no. No, it's.. 1047 01:14:57,916 --> 01:14:59,543 lt's just this. 1048 01:15:21,903 --> 01:15:23,803 Deucey! 1049 01:15:23,903 --> 01:15:25,461 Thank you, Jesus. 1050 01:15:26,401 --> 01:15:27,993 Did anybody hurt you in there? 1051 01:15:28,900 --> 01:15:32,233 Oh, you asking if l got ass-punked. ls that what's happening right now? 1052 01:15:32,398 --> 01:15:37,028 -Not if you don't wanna talk about it. -Well, turns out l'm not that attractive. 1053 01:15:37,396 --> 01:15:39,091 Well, you've been cleared of murder... 1054 01:15:38,894 --> 01:15:41,328 -...but people still think you're gay. -Hey, hey, hey. 1055 01:15:41,893 --> 01:15:44,020 Don't tell nobody l'm not gay. Look at it: 1056 01:15:43,891 --> 01:15:46,758 T.J., the gay man's pimp. 1057 01:15:46,890 --> 01:15:49,688 l mean, l'm gonna corner the market. Check out my new bitches. 1058 01:15:49,888 --> 01:15:51,981 -Hello, darling. -Hi, sweetie. 1059 01:15:52,387 --> 01:15:53,911 Love you. 1060 01:15:55,386 --> 01:15:57,115 Let's get chicken and waffles. My treat. 1061 01:15:57,384 --> 01:16:00,683 So the first thing a brother wants out of prison is chicken and waffles? 1062 01:16:00,883 --> 01:16:03,181 -Oh, come on. -Get your she-cocks back to work.