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Ladies and gentlemen, the driving force
behind Catholicism WOW!, Cardinal Glick.

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Thank you.

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Now we all know
how the majority...

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and the media in this country...

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view the Catholic church.

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They think of us as a passé,
archaic institution.

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People find the Bible obtuse...

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even hokey.

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Now, in an effort to disprove
all that...

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the Church has appointed this year
as a time of renewal...

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both of faith and of style.

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For example, the crucifix.

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While it has been a time-honored symbol
of our faith...

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Holy Mother Church
has decided to retire...

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this highly recognizable...

16
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yet wholy depressing image...

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of our Lord, crucified.

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Christ didn´t come to Earth
to give us the willies.

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He came to help us out.

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He was a booster, and it´s
with that take on our Lord in mind...

21
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that we´ve come up with a new,
more inspiring Sigil.

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So, it is with great pleasure
that I present you with the first...

23
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of many revamps
the Catholicism Wow! campaign...

24
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will unveil over the next year,
I give you...

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"The Buddy Christ."

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That´s not the sanctioned term
we´re using for the symbol.

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Just something we´ve been
kicking around the office.

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But look at it.

29
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Doesn´t it pop?

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Buddy Christ.

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Well, there you have it.

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Let me get this straight.

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You don´t believe in God
because of Alice in Wonderland?

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No, Through the Looking Glass.

35
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That poem,
"The Walrus and the Carpenter"...

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that´s an indictment
of organized religion.

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The Walrus, with his girth
and his good nature...

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he obviously represents either Buddha...

39
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or with his tusks,
the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha.

40
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That takes care
of your Eastern religions.

41
00:04:05,955 --> 00:04:08,691
Now, the Carpenter, which is
an obvious reference to Jesus Christ...

42
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who was raised a carpenter´s son,
he represents the Western religions.

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Now, in the poem,
what do they do?

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They dupe all these oysters
into following them...

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and then proceed to shuck and devour
the helpless creatures en masse.

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I don´t know what that says toyou,
but to me it says...

47
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that following these faiths
based on mythological figures...

48
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ensures the destruction
ofone´s inner-being.

49
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Organized religion destroys
who we are...

50
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by inhibiting our actions,
by inhibiting our decisions...

51
00:04:36,186 --> 00:04:39,556
out of fear of some
intangible parent figure...

52
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who shakes a finger at us
from thousands of years ago...

53
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and says, " Do it--
Do it and l´ll fuckin´ spank you!"

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Oh,Jesus!

55
00:04:48,097 --> 00:04:51,668
The way you put it, l´ve never really
thought about it like that before.

56
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What have I been doing
with my life?

57
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- What am l?
- Yeah, I know.

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Listen, my advice to you...

59
00:05:00,511 --> 00:05:03,045
you take this money that you´ve
been collecting for your parish...

60
00:05:03,145 --> 00:05:06,349
go get yourself a nice dress,
fix yourself up.

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Find some man-- find some woman--you
can connect with, even for a moment...

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´cause that´s really all life is,
Sister-- a series of moments.

63
00:05:13,957 --> 00:05:15,892
Why don´t you seize yours?

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That a girl.

65
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You know, here´s what
I don´t get about you.

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You know for a fact
that there is a God.

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You´ve been in His presence.
He´s spoken to you personally.

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- Yet I heard you claim to be atheist.
- I like to fuck with the clergy, man.

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I just love it. I love to keep
those guys on their toes.

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Here´s what I don´t get about you.

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Why do you feel the need
to come to this place all the time?

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My friend, because
this is humanity at its best.

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Look at them.

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All that anger, all that mistrust,
all that unhappiness...

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forgotten for that one perfect moment
when they get off the plane.

76
00:05:59,736 --> 00:06:01,005
See those two?

77
00:06:01,071 --> 00:06:04,374
What that guy doesn´t know is that the
girl cheated on him while she was away.

78
00:06:04,441 --> 00:06:06,377
- She did?
- Twice.

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00:06:06,444 --> 00:06:08,578
- Nice.
- But it doesn´t matter right now...

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´cause they´re just both so relieved
to be with one another.

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I like that.

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I wish they all could
feel that way more often.

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Is this why I had to come down here
and miss my fucking cartoons?

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You call me, you tell me
it´s important.

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What, to share in your half-assed
obsession with Hallmark moments?

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We´re going home.

87
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Somebody sent us this in the mail.

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Take it and quit leering at me. People
will think I just broke up with you.

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- You said we´re going home, didn´t you?
- Read.

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"Cardinal Glick Cuts Ribbon On
Catholicism Wow! Campaign."

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And?

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You have to keep reading.

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"The rededication of
St. Michael´s Church..."

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...is the kick off of a new campaign
which seeks to bring...

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Catholicism into the mainstream.

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With a papal sanction,
the arch way entrance...

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of the century-old Jersey shore
house of worship...

98
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will serve as a passage way
of plenary indulgence--

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00:07:05,135 --> 00:07:08,473
a little-known Catholic belief offering
all that passes throug hits arches...

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a morally cleans late.

101
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For Sunday News Brief,
l´m Grant Hicks.

102
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All I gotta do, I walk through the arch
thing, and then I can go back home?

103
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No. By walking through the archway,
all your sins are forgiven.

104
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- Then all we have to do is die.
- Die? I don´t wanna die.

105
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- You rather hang around here?
- No. We don´t know if we can die.

106
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But what if we can and then
the arch thing doesn´t work?

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What then, Hell?
Fuck that.

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It´s impossible.
If we cut off our wings...

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and transubstantiate to complete
human form, we become mortal.

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If we die with clean souls,
there´s no way they can keep us out.

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We won´t be angels anymore,
but at least we get to go home.

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- Who sent the paper?
- Who cares who sent the paper?

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All that matters is that after
all these years, we found a loop hole.

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He can´t keep us out anymore.

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Once we´re back in,
it´ll be forgive and forget.

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But this thing,
this is Church law.

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It´s not Divine Mandate.

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Church laws are fallible
because they´re created by man.

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One of the last sacred promises
imparted to Peter, the first pope...

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by the Son of God
before He left was...

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- "Whatever you hold true on Earth--"
- "l´ll hold true in Heaven."

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It´s dogmatic law. If the Church
says it´s so, God must adhere.

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This thing has a papal sanction--

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Let it never be said your
anal retentive attention to detail...

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never yielded positive results.

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You can´t be anal retentive
ifyou don´t have an anus.

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Outstanding work!

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There´sjust one thing
I think we gotta do before we leave.

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This is gonna help us get back
on His good side.

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What?

131
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Here. I´ve been dreaming about this
for five years. Read that.

132
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" Mooby, the Golden Calf.

133
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Creating an Empire
Out of Simplicity.´´

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I wanna hit ´em.

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You really are
just a simple creature.

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We finally find a way back
and you want to jeopardize that...

137
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because you´ve got a soft spot
for the good old days.

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What betterway to repent than by
resuming the position I once denied...

139
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thanks to you?

140
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I don´t think a killing spree
is gonna make things better for us.

141
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Killing spree?
l´m talking about Divine Justice here.

142
00:09:01,085 --> 00:09:04,422
I´m talking about reigning down fire
and brimstone, punishing the wicked.

143
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He´s all about that.
I know He´d want this done.

144
00:09:07,190 --> 00:09:09,894
There hasn´t been an Angel of Death
sinceyou quit.

145
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Doesn´t that mean anything to you?

146
00:09:11,629 --> 00:09:14,499
And besides, what if you´re wrong,
like you always are?

147
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If i´m wrong-- which l´m not--
it´s not gonna matter.

148
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We´re gonna pass through
your arch thing anyway.

149
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We´re gonna be forgiven.
No harm, no foul.

150
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Well, He does hate competition.
I will say that.

151
00:09:26,278 --> 00:09:28,579
And your Mooby certainly falls
under that heading.

152
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Where is this church
we have to go to?

153
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New Jersey. Rededication ceremony
is in four days.

154
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Last four days on Earth?

155
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Ifl had a dick,
l´d go get laid.

156
00:09:38,589 --> 00:09:40,692
- We can do the next best thing.
- What´s that?

157
00:09:40,791 --> 00:09:42,660
Let´s kill people.

158
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Oh, not you.

159
00:09:51,269 --> 00:09:54,772
The greater Illinois Chapter
of the Right to Life Foundation...

160
00:09:54,872 --> 00:09:57,175
will be holding its
biannual softball game...

161
00:09:57,242 --> 00:09:58,710
against the Cook County...

162
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Pro-Choice League next Sunday at 2:00.

163
00:10:01,246 --> 00:10:03,648
Today´s second collection
will be donated...

164
00:10:03,715 --> 00:10:06,551
to the John Doe Jersey Life Fund.

165
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For those of you
who haven´t been following the news...

166
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an unidentified homeless man...

167
00:10:11,223 --> 00:10:15,326
who was accosted and severely beaten
at the NewJersey shore last Tuesday...

168
00:10:15,426 --> 00:10:19,531
ies in critical, but stable condition
in one of that area´s hospitals.

169
00:10:19,631 --> 00:10:21,433
He lacks identification...

170
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and police have had no luck tracking
down any possible family.

171
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The archbishop ofthe Trenton diocese
has disputed the state´s decision...

172
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to remove the indigent man
from life-support systems...

173
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asking that Catholics
all over the country...

174
00:10:35,646 --> 00:10:38,750
join in this protest against euthanasia.

175
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Well, now please rise
for the recession offaith.

176
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We believe in one God,
the FatherAlmighty...

177
00:10:48,893 --> 00:10:50,394
Maker of Heaven and Earth.

178
00:10:50,494 --> 00:10:53,565
WebelieveinJesus Christ,
His only Son, Our Lord--

179
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Choose life!

180
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You´re gonna burn in Hell,
ya fuckin´ baby killer!

181
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Holy shit. It´s the pope.

182
00:11:02,005 --> 00:11:03,407
- Huh?
- Where?

183
00:11:03,474 --> 00:11:04,808
What areyou talking about?

184
00:11:14,119 --> 00:11:17,755
Jesus! You´re a Catholic.
Can´tyou talk to them?

185
00:11:17,855 --> 00:11:19,956
They hate me more than you,
no doubt.

186
00:11:20,057 --> 00:11:22,926
At least you have an excuse. You´re
Jewish. You don´t know any better.

187
00:11:22,993 --> 00:11:26,464
We already used that excuse
when we killed Christ.

188
00:11:26,563 --> 00:11:28,600
Where were you yesterday?
We went to brunch.

189
00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:30,068
I went to church.

190
00:11:30,135 --> 00:11:32,070
That still kills me,
you and church.

191
00:11:32,136 --> 00:11:35,640
If only they knew your weekly tithing
came from a Planned Parenthood check.

192
00:11:35,739 --> 00:11:38,176
I don´t know why I still go, Liz.

193
00:11:39,443 --> 00:11:43,047
I can remember going to church
when I was young and being moved.

194
00:11:43,147 --> 00:11:46,384
Now I sit there every Sunday
and I feel nothing.

195
00:11:46,450 --> 00:11:48,887
I don´t think I have any faith left.

196
00:11:50,154 --> 00:11:53,090
Remember that seminary student
I tried to set you up with?

197
00:11:54,625 --> 00:11:58,562
The 20-year-old. The one I could
have baby-sat for in high school.

198
00:11:58,629 --> 00:12:00,999
The point is,
he told me something.

199
00:12:01,066 --> 00:12:03,602
He said that faith
is like a glass of water.

200
00:12:03,702 --> 00:12:06,671
When you´reyoung, the glass is little,
so it´s easy to fill.

201
00:12:06,737 --> 00:12:08,672
As you get older,
the glass gets bigger.

202
00:12:08,739 --> 00:12:10,741
The same amount of liquid
doesn´t fill it anymore.

203
00:12:10,841 --> 00:12:13,677
But periodically
the glass has to be refilled.

204
00:12:13,744 --> 00:12:15,646
You´re suggesting I need
to get filled?

205
00:12:15,713 --> 00:12:16,948
In more ways than one.

206
00:12:17,014 --> 00:12:21,453
You need to get laid, Bethany Sloane.
You need a man, if only for 10 minutes.

207
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,357
It´s been my experience that
the average male is never a man...

208
00:12:24,423 --> 00:12:26,824
not even for ten minutes
in his entire life span.

209
00:12:26,891 --> 00:12:29,827
That sounds militant. Areyou thinking
of joining the other side?

210
00:12:29,893 --> 00:12:31,796
Couldn´t do it.
Women are insane.

211
00:12:31,862 --> 00:12:35,066
Then you need to go back to church
and ask God for a third option.

212
00:12:35,133 --> 00:12:37,068
I think God is dead.

213
00:12:37,135 --> 00:12:39,571
The sign of a true Catholic.

214
00:12:50,048 --> 00:12:53,385
Good afternoon, Mrs. Reynolds.

215
00:12:53,452 --> 00:12:55,120
I´m from the EPA.

216
00:12:56,288 --> 00:12:59,156
We´re checking on possible
freon leaks.

217
00:12:59,223 --> 00:13:01,560
Tell me,
doyou have air conditioning?

218
00:13:01,626 --> 00:13:03,295
Yes, we have central air.

219
00:13:03,395 --> 00:13:04,996
In every room?

220
00:13:05,097 --> 00:13:06,898
Except the bathroom.
Why?

221
00:13:06,965 --> 00:13:08,967
Well, you do know
what that means, don´tyou?

222
00:13:20,345 --> 00:13:21,913
Move!

223
00:13:28,554 --> 00:13:32,158
No pleasure, no rapture,
no exquisite sin greater...

224
00:13:32,958 --> 00:13:35,226
than central air.

225
00:13:35,926 --> 00:13:38,063
Pick that up.

226
00:13:41,166 --> 00:13:45,371
This will be the base of operations
from here on in.

227
00:13:45,438 --> 00:13:48,341
Now, ifl remember
the protocol correctly...

228
00:13:48,407 --> 00:13:49,843
the powers...

229
00:13:49,908 --> 00:13:53,311
will attempt to contact
the last scion.

230
00:13:53,378 --> 00:13:55,513
I need you three...

231
00:13:55,613 --> 00:13:58,717
to shuffle her loose
the mortal coil.

232
00:14:02,755 --> 00:14:03,856
Go.

233
00:14:37,657 --> 00:14:40,559
Behold the Metatron!

234
00:14:40,626 --> 00:14:43,428
Herald ofthe Almighty
and voice ofthe one true God!

235
00:14:43,495 --> 00:14:46,198
Behold the Metatron!

236
00:14:46,265 --> 00:14:50,303
Herald ofthe Almighty
and voice ofthe one true God!

237
00:15:06,918 --> 00:15:09,789
Sweet Jesus!
Doyou have to use the whole can?

238
00:15:09,856 --> 00:15:12,858
Who the fuck areyou and
what the fuck areyou doing in my room?

239
00:15:12,959 --> 00:15:15,794
I´m the one that´s soaked and she´s
the one that´s surly. That´s rich.

240
00:15:15,861 --> 00:15:17,830
Stupid fucking--

241
00:15:17,897 --> 00:15:20,232
Get the fuck out of here,
now!

242
00:15:20,299 --> 00:15:22,902
Or you´ll do what exactly?

243
00:15:23,002 --> 00:15:25,170
Hit me with that fish?

244
00:15:30,043 --> 00:15:33,045
Now,just sit down on the bed
and shut up.

245
00:15:33,144 --> 00:15:35,714
Jesus wept!

246
00:15:35,814 --> 00:15:37,583
Look at my suit.

247
00:15:39,218 --> 00:15:41,488
Just take whatever you want,
but don´t kill or rape me.

248
00:15:41,555 --> 00:15:45,959
Give over! I couldn´t rape you
ifl wanted to. Angels are il-equipped.

249
00:15:48,161 --> 00:15:49,628
See?

250
00:15:52,330 --> 00:15:55,168
I´m as anatomically-impaired
as a Ken doll.

251
00:15:56,235 --> 00:15:58,404
Make yourself useful
and give me that towel.

252
00:15:59,573 --> 00:16:01,908
You bottom-feeders
and your arrogance.

253
00:16:01,975 --> 00:16:04,645
You think everybody´sjust trying
to get in your knickers.

254
00:16:04,745 --> 00:16:06,313
What are you?

255
00:16:06,413 --> 00:16:08,415
I´m pissed off is what I am.

256
00:16:08,514 --> 00:16:12,551
Do you drench everyone who comes in your
room with flame-retardant chemicals?

257
00:16:12,651 --> 00:16:15,521
No wonder you´re single.

258
00:16:19,159 --> 00:16:20,727
Stand back.

259
00:16:30,103 --> 00:16:32,070
As I was sayin´...

260
00:16:32,171 --> 00:16:35,408
prior toyour fire-fighting episode...

261
00:16:36,175 --> 00:16:38,945
I am the Metatron.

262
00:16:42,348 --> 00:16:44,450
Don´t tell me the name
doesn´t ring a bell?

263
00:16:46,219 --> 00:16:47,687
You people.

264
00:16:47,754 --> 00:16:50,957
If there isn´t a movie about it,
it´s not worth knowing, is it?

265
00:16:52,793 --> 00:16:54,961
I am a seraphim.

266
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:59,666
The highest choir ofangels.

267
00:17:00,967 --> 00:17:02,902
You do know what an angel is,
don´tyou?

268
00:17:05,939 --> 00:17:08,575
Metatron acts as the voice of God.

269
00:17:08,675 --> 00:17:12,914
Any documented occasion when some yahoo
claims that God has spoken to them...

270
00:17:12,979 --> 00:17:14,714
they´re speaking to me.

271
00:17:14,781 --> 00:17:16,949
Or they´re talking to themselves.

272
00:17:19,051 --> 00:17:21,153
Why doesn´t God speak for Himself?

273
00:17:22,055 --> 00:17:25,425
Glad you decided tojoin
the conversation. To answer that...

274
00:17:25,492 --> 00:17:28,729
human beings have neither the aural,
nor the psychological capacity...

275
00:17:28,796 --> 00:17:33,233
to with stand the awesome power
ofGod´s true voice.

276
00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:36,770
Wereyou to hear it, your mind would
cave in and your heart would explode.

277
00:17:36,837 --> 00:17:39,706
We went through five Adams
before we figured that one out.

278
00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:43,610
Well, how do I know
you´re an angel?

279
00:17:43,676 --> 00:17:48,014
Aside from the fiery entrance
and the expansive wing span?

280
00:17:50,817 --> 00:17:52,753
You want more proof?

281
00:17:52,819 --> 00:17:54,488
Fine.

282
00:17:54,588 --> 00:17:55,689
How about tequila?

283
00:18:03,063 --> 00:18:06,966
-Where the hell are we?
-Only place you can go for good tequila.

284
00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:10,104
Dos tequilas, por favor,
and an empty glass.

285
00:18:12,139 --> 00:18:13,907
We´re in Mexico?

286
00:18:13,974 --> 00:18:16,410
Actually, we´re in a franchised
Mexican family eatery...

287
00:18:16,477 --> 00:18:18,712
down the street
from your apartment, but...

288
00:18:18,779 --> 00:18:20,648
it´s impressive nonetheless.

289
00:18:20,715 --> 00:18:25,351
You don´t mind I lost the wings, doyou?
l´m trying to keep our profile low.

290
00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:27,253
What do you want with me?

291
00:18:29,823 --> 00:18:33,727
I am to charge you
with a holy crusade.

292
00:18:33,794 --> 00:18:37,097
For the record,
I work in an abortion clinic.

293
00:18:37,164 --> 00:18:39,534
Noah was a drunk.
Lookwhat he accomplished.

294
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:43,504
And no one´s asking you to build an ark.
All you gotta do is go to New Jersey...

295
00:18:43,571 --> 00:18:46,106
and visit a small church
on a very important day.

296
00:18:50,644 --> 00:18:51,879
NewJersey?

297
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,149
That doesn´t sound like
much of a crusade.

298
00:18:55,249 --> 00:18:57,751
Aside from the fine print,
that´s it.

299
00:18:57,851 --> 00:18:59,886
What´s the fine print?

300
00:19:01,121 --> 00:19:03,924
Stop a couple of angels from entering
and thus negating all existence.

301
00:19:03,991 --> 00:19:06,160
Wait, wait, wait.
Repeat that.

302
00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:09,529
Stop a couple of angels
from entering...

303
00:19:09,596 --> 00:19:12,734
and thus negating all existence.

304
00:19:12,833 --> 00:19:15,135
I hate it when people
need it spelled out for them.

305
00:19:15,202 --> 00:19:17,037
You might want to clarify that.

306
00:19:18,272 --> 00:19:22,476
Back in the old days,
God was vengeful and hot-tempered.

307
00:19:22,543 --> 00:19:24,645
And His wrath was bore...

308
00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:27,982
by the Angel of Death,
name of Loki.

309
00:19:28,049 --> 00:19:30,184
When Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed...

310
00:19:30,284 --> 00:19:31,751
that was Loki.

311
00:19:31,852 --> 00:19:35,889
When the waters wiped out everything
except Noah and his menagerie...

312
00:19:35,990 --> 00:19:38,726
that was Loki--
and he was good at what he did.

313
00:19:38,793 --> 00:19:40,561
But one day...

314
00:19:40,628 --> 00:19:43,598
he refused to bear God´s wrath
any longer.

315
00:19:44,299 --> 00:19:47,168
- Why?
- He listened to his friend...

316
00:19:47,235 --> 00:19:49,269
a Grigori
by the name of Bartleby.

317
00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:50,471
Grigori?

318
00:19:50,571 --> 00:19:53,807
One ofthe choirs  of angels.
They´re called Watchers.

319
00:19:53,874 --> 00:19:55,309
Guess what they do.

320
00:19:55,376 --> 00:19:59,814
So one day, Loki´s wiping out
all the first born of Egypt--

321
00:19:59,881 --> 00:20:02,350
The Tenth Plague.

322
00:20:02,450 --> 00:20:05,252
Tell a person that you´re the Metatron
and they stare at you blankly.

323
00:20:05,319 --> 00:20:07,388
Mention something out of
a Charlton Heston movie...

324
00:20:07,488 --> 00:20:09,623
and suddenly everybody´s
a theology scholar.

325
00:20:09,724 --> 00:20:11,660
May I continue uninterrupted?

326
00:20:11,726 --> 00:20:13,795
Once he´s done with the first born...

327
00:20:13,895 --> 00:20:18,599
Loki takes his friend Bartleby out
for a post-slaughter drink.

328
00:20:18,666 --> 00:20:21,002
And over many rounds...

329
00:20:21,069 --> 00:20:23,171
they get into
this discussion about...

330
00:20:23,270 --> 00:20:25,172
whether or not murder
in the name of God is okay.

331
00:20:25,239 --> 00:20:26,607
And in the end...

332
00:20:26,674 --> 00:20:30,611
Bartleby convinces Loki
to quit his position...

333
00:20:30,678 --> 00:20:33,015
and take one which doesn´t
involve slaughter.

334
00:20:33,081 --> 00:20:34,649
So...

335
00:20:36,151 --> 00:20:38,553
very inebriated...

336
00:20:38,620 --> 00:20:41,254
Loki tells God he quits...

337
00:20:41,355 --> 00:20:43,658
throws down his fiery sword...

338
00:20:43,724 --> 00:20:45,659
and gives Him the finger.

339
00:20:45,726 --> 00:20:48,930
Which ruins it for the rest of us
because from that day forward...

340
00:20:48,996 --> 00:20:52,033
God decreed that angels
could no longer imbibe alcohol.

341
00:20:52,134 --> 00:20:53,602
Hence all the spitting.

342
00:20:54,436 --> 00:20:56,070
So, for their insolence...

343
00:20:56,170 --> 00:20:59,139
God decreed that neither Loki
nor Bartleby...

344
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,776
would ever be allowed
back into Paradise.

345
00:21:01,875 --> 00:21:03,744
- Were they sent to Hell?
- Worse.

346
00:21:03,811 --> 00:21:05,747
Wisconsin...

347
00:21:05,814 --> 00:21:08,750
for the entire span
of human history.

348
00:21:08,817 --> 00:21:11,953
And when the world ends, they´ll have to
sit outside the gates for all eternity.

349
00:21:12,054 --> 00:21:14,022
And this has what to do with me?

350
00:21:14,121 --> 00:21:18,627
Someone has clued them in
to a loop hole in Catholic dogma...

351
00:21:18,727 --> 00:21:21,295
that would allow them
to reenter Heaven.

352
00:21:21,396 --> 00:21:24,065
So what? They beat the system.
Good for them.

353
00:21:24,165 --> 00:21:26,067
It´s not that simple.

354
00:21:26,134 --> 00:21:30,204
If they get in,
they will have reversed God´s decree.

355
00:21:31,906 --> 00:21:34,843
Now listen closely because
this bit´s very important.

356
00:21:36,011 --> 00:21:40,015
Existence in all its form
and splendor...

357
00:21:40,115 --> 00:21:43,752
function solely on one principle--

358
00:21:43,852 --> 00:21:46,854
God is infallible.

359
00:21:46,955 --> 00:21:48,890
To prove Him wrong...

360
00:21:48,956 --> 00:21:51,927
would undo reality
and everything that is.

361
00:21:51,993 --> 00:21:54,897
Up would become down,
blackwould become white.

362
00:21:54,962 --> 00:21:57,932
Existence would become nothingness.

363
00:21:57,999 --> 00:21:59,568
In essence...

364
00:22:00,669 --> 00:22:03,138
if they´re allowed to enter
that church...

365
00:22:04,973 --> 00:22:07,942
they´ll unmake the world.

366
00:22:08,042 --> 00:22:10,945
If this is so major,
why are you talking to me?

367
00:22:11,012 --> 00:22:13,781
- Why doesn´t God do something about it?
- He could.

368
00:22:13,848 --> 00:22:16,952
But He´d rather see you
take care of this one personally.

369
00:22:17,053 --> 00:22:18,654
Why me?

370
00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:21,057
Because of who you are.

371
00:22:21,123 --> 00:22:22,991
And who am l?

372
00:22:23,058 --> 00:22:25,161
The girl in the pj´s!

373
00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:28,930
Don´t ask so many questions.
Just serve your purpose.

374
00:22:29,030 --> 00:22:31,033
I´m gonna have to pass.

375
00:22:31,967 --> 00:22:33,101
I beg your pardon?

376
00:22:33,202 --> 00:22:37,640
When some quiet little infection
destroyed my uterus, where was God?

377
00:22:37,707 --> 00:22:39,307
When my husband decided...

378
00:22:39,407 --> 00:22:41,843
he couldn´t be with a wife
who couldn´t bear his children...

379
00:22:41,910 --> 00:22:43,212
where was God?

380
00:22:45,648 --> 00:22:46,916
To Hell with Him.

381
00:22:46,982 --> 00:22:51,220
Don´t allow eons of history and life
to get blinked out of being...

382
00:22:51,286 --> 00:22:53,588
just because you´ve got a grudge
against your Creator.

383
00:22:53,655 --> 00:22:56,091
So you lost the ability
to make life.

384
00:22:56,157 --> 00:22:59,628
You´re being offered the chance
to play mother to the world...

385
00:22:59,728 --> 00:23:02,031
by acting like one
and protecting it--

386
00:23:02,097 --> 00:23:04,032
saving it!

387
00:23:06,569 --> 00:23:08,504
But I can´t makeyou.

388
00:23:09,605 --> 00:23:12,208
However, ifyou should decide
to stop being selfish...

389
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:14,776
and accept your responsibility...

390
00:23:14,876 --> 00:23:16,779
you won´t be alone.

391
00:23:16,844 --> 00:23:18,213
You´ll have support.

392
00:23:18,279 --> 00:23:20,349
What? More angels?

393
00:23:20,449 --> 00:23:22,017
Prophets.

394
00:23:23,986 --> 00:23:26,990
In a manner of speaking.
Two of´em.

395
00:23:29,592 --> 00:23:32,061
The one who speaks...

396
00:23:32,161 --> 00:23:35,697
and he will, at great length,
whether you want him to or not...

397
00:23:35,797 --> 00:23:37,799
will make mention of himself
as a prophet.

398
00:23:37,899 --> 00:23:39,368
The other one...

399
00:23:40,369 --> 00:23:42,138
well, he´s the quiet type.

400
00:23:42,205 --> 00:23:43,439
Look, l´ve gotta go.

401
00:23:43,539 --> 00:23:45,875
Remember, we´re working
in a time frame here.

402
00:23:50,313 --> 00:23:51,480
What´s He like?

403
00:23:51,580 --> 00:23:52,548
God?

404
00:23:54,617 --> 00:23:56,252
Lonely...

405
00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:58,253
but funny.

406
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,456
He´s got a great sense ofhumor.

407
00:24:00,556 --> 00:24:02,491
Take sex, for example.
There´s nothing funnier...

408
00:24:02,558 --> 00:24:05,193
than the ridiculous faces
you people make mid-coitus.

409
00:24:05,294 --> 00:24:07,229
Sex is a joke in Heaven?

410
00:24:07,295 --> 00:24:11,133
The way I understand it,
it´s mostly a joke down here too.

411
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,468
I´ll see ya.

412
00:26:15,526 --> 00:26:18,362
Snootch to the motherfucking nootch!

413
00:26:54,498 --> 00:26:57,901
Go back to your paper routes,
you Mighty Duck Fucks!

414
00:26:59,036 --> 00:27:01,505
Snoogans.
Did you see that shit, man?

415
00:27:01,572 --> 00:27:05,209
I know they were just kids, but we
kicked their fucking pube-less asses!

416
00:27:11,081 --> 00:27:13,517
I don´t know what to say
or think, except--

417
00:27:13,584 --> 00:27:15,553
That you´ll offer us sex
as a reward?

418
00:27:15,620 --> 00:27:18,855
That l´d like to know
who they and you are.

419
00:27:18,922 --> 00:27:21,825
I´m Jay, and this is
my hetero life mate, Silent Bob.

420
00:27:21,892 --> 00:27:24,395
I don´t know who those kids were,
but they would have kicked yours...

421
00:27:24,494 --> 00:27:27,431
and Lunchbox´s asses
ifl hadn´t represented.

422
00:27:27,498 --> 00:27:30,334
Thanks for being
out here so late.

423
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,570
Wait a minute.
Are you protestors?

424
00:27:32,669 --> 00:27:35,639
You mean those dick heads with the signs
and pictures of dead babies?

425
00:27:35,740 --> 00:27:38,209
Shit no!
Me and Silent Bob are pro-choice.

426
00:27:38,276 --> 00:27:40,244
A woman´s body
is her own fucking business.

427
00:27:40,311 --> 00:27:42,279
But what are you doing
hanging around?

428
00:27:42,379 --> 00:27:44,382
We´re here to pick up chicks.

429
00:27:44,481 --> 00:27:46,216
Excuse me?

430
00:27:46,282 --> 00:27:49,419
We figure abortion clinics are
a good place to meet loose women.

431
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,289
Why else would they be here
unless they like to fuck?

432
00:27:53,191 --> 00:27:55,259
Right.

433
00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:58,162
Well, I should be going.
Thanks for the rescue.

434
00:27:58,229 --> 00:28:00,131
- I think.
- Wait a second.

435
00:28:00,198 --> 00:28:02,766
We just saved your ass,
and you´rejust gonna take off.

436
00:28:02,865 --> 00:28:03,933
What the shit is that?

437
00:28:04,033 --> 00:28:07,938
I had a weird night last night and
tonight´s not shaping up to be better.

438
00:28:08,004 --> 00:28:10,974
I think I should go home,
take some Perco sets and lay down.

439
00:28:12,343 --> 00:28:15,780
Now how about that shit?
Fuck this town, man!

440
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,383
I´m goin´ back to Jersey
and startin´ up the business again.

441
00:28:18,483 --> 00:28:22,320
I can kick the shit out of kids
in Red Bank and make myself a profit.

442
00:28:22,386 --> 00:28:24,954
Prophets. Two of´em.

443
00:28:25,055 --> 00:28:28,725
- You know what l´m sayin´, Silent Bob?
- You gotta be kidding me.

444
00:28:28,826 --> 00:28:31,496
We call this piece "The Fecalator."

445
00:28:31,595 --> 00:28:34,198
One look at it and the target
shits him or herself.

446
00:28:34,298 --> 00:28:35,733
Try it on.

447
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:41,105
It´s a lot more compact than the flaming
sword, but not nearly as impressive.

448
00:28:41,171 --> 00:28:44,475
It doesn´t have that
"Wrath ofthe Almighty" edge to it.

449
00:28:44,542 --> 00:28:48,646
How am I supposed to strike fear into
hearts ofthe wicked with this thing?

450
00:28:48,746 --> 00:28:49,814
Look at this.

451
00:28:49,914 --> 00:28:54,618
Well, then, you know, don´t use a gun.
Lay the place to waste like.

452
00:28:54,685 --> 00:28:57,655
Easy foryou to say.
You get off light in a razing.

453
00:28:57,754 --> 00:28:59,924
You got to stand there and read
at Sodom and Gomorrah.

454
00:29:00,024 --> 00:29:01,959
I had to do all the work.

455
00:29:02,026 --> 00:29:05,297
What work did you do?
You lit a few fires.

456
00:29:05,363 --> 00:29:07,933
I rained down sulfur.
There´s a subtle difference.

457
00:29:08,033 --> 00:29:09,734
Okay, l´m sure.

458
00:29:09,834 --> 00:29:13,871
Fuckyou. Any moron with a pack
of matches can set a fire.

459
00:29:13,970 --> 00:29:15,906
Raining down sulfur
is like an endurance trial.

460
00:29:15,973 --> 00:29:18,609
Mass genocide is the most
exhausting activity one can engage in...

461
00:29:18,710 --> 00:29:20,244
next to soccer.

462
00:29:21,613 --> 00:29:23,482
I´ll take this one.

463
00:29:36,927 --> 00:29:40,365
So, what´s up? You have a friend for
Silent Bob, or areyou gonna do us both?

464
00:29:40,465 --> 00:29:42,868
Ifso, l´m first.
I hate sloppy seconds.

465
00:29:42,934 --> 00:29:44,935
You´re a man of principle.

466
00:29:45,035 --> 00:29:48,639
Jersey´s pretty far from McHenry.
May I ask what brought you here?

467
00:29:48,740 --> 00:29:51,209
Some fuck named John Hughes.

468
00:29:51,309 --> 00:29:52,978
Sixteen Candles John Hughes?

469
00:29:53,844 --> 00:29:57,282
You know that guy too?
That fuckin´ guy.

470
00:29:57,349 --> 00:30:00,118
He made this flick Sixteen Candles.
Not bad.

471
00:30:00,185 --> 00:30:02,420
There´s tits in it, but no bush.

472
00:30:02,487 --> 00:30:05,089
But Ebert over here don´t give
a shit about that kind of thing...

473
00:30:05,189 --> 00:30:07,592
because he´s like in love
with this John Hughes guy.

474
00:30:07,659 --> 00:30:09,794
He goes out and rents
every one of his movies.

475
00:30:09,895 --> 00:30:14,333
Fuckin´ Breakfast Club, where stupid
kids actually show up for detention.

476
00:30:14,433 --> 00:30:18,202
Fuckin´ WeirdScience, where this babe
wants to undress and get down...

477
00:30:18,269 --> 00:30:21,438
but, oh, no, she don´t,
because it´s a PG movie.

478
00:30:21,539 --> 00:30:25,677
And then Prettyin Pink, which I can´t
watch with this tubby bitch anymore...

479
00:30:25,777 --> 00:30:29,147
because when the redhead hooks up
with her dream guy...

480
00:30:29,214 --> 00:30:32,718
he starts sobbin´ like a little bitch
with a skinned knee and shit.

481
00:30:32,818 --> 00:30:36,054
And there´s nothing worse
than watchin´ a fuckin´ fat man weep.

482
00:30:36,121 --> 00:30:38,088
What exactly brought you
to Illinois?

483
00:30:38,155 --> 00:30:42,059
All these movies take place in this
small town called Shermer, Illinois...

484
00:30:42,126 --> 00:30:46,231
where all the honeys are top-shelf
but all the dudes are whiny pussies.

485
00:30:46,331 --> 00:30:49,301
Except for Judd Nelson.
He was fuckin´ harsh.

486
00:30:49,368 --> 00:30:50,669
But best of all...

487
00:30:50,736 --> 00:30:52,837
there was no one dealin´, man.

488
00:30:52,937 --> 00:30:55,407
Then it hits me.
We could live like phat rats...

489
00:30:55,473 --> 00:30:57,776
if we were the blunt connection
in Shermer, Illinois.

490
00:30:57,843 --> 00:31:00,978
So we collected some money
we were owed and caught a bus.

491
00:31:01,079 --> 00:31:04,149
But you know what the fuck
we found out when we got there?

492
00:31:04,249 --> 00:31:07,152
There is no Shermer, Illinois.

493
00:31:07,219 --> 00:31:09,187
Movies are fuckin´ bullshit.

494
00:31:09,254 --> 00:31:13,225
- When are you going back to NewJersey?
- This broad asks a lot ofquestions.

495
00:31:13,325 --> 00:31:16,461
- Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow.

496
00:31:16,562 --> 00:31:18,431
Yeah. So you do anal?

497
00:31:18,497 --> 00:31:21,000
Is it true that chicks fart
if you blast them in the ass?

498
00:31:21,100 --> 00:31:23,001
I didn´t ask you out for sex.

499
00:31:23,068 --> 00:31:25,003
I´ll take head.

500
00:31:27,471 --> 00:31:30,976
This is gonna sound really bad. I can´t
believe l´m even thinking about this.

501
00:31:33,579 --> 00:31:35,513
I think I should go with you.

502
00:31:35,580 --> 00:31:38,517
Like steady?
You wanna be my girlfriend?

503
00:31:39,652 --> 00:31:42,588
All right, but Silent Bob gets
to live with us and you pay the rent.

504
00:31:42,655 --> 00:31:45,489
No. I wanna go with you
to NewJersey.

505
00:31:45,556 --> 00:31:46,624
Really?

506
00:31:46,724 --> 00:31:48,793
You´re going to lead me somewhere.

507
00:31:48,893 --> 00:31:50,529
Me lead you?

508
00:31:50,628 --> 00:31:53,598
Lady, look at me. I don´t even know
where I am half the time.

509
00:31:53,665 --> 00:31:56,635
If we´re not gonna fuck, then what
the fuck did you ask us out for?

510
00:31:56,736 --> 00:32:00,772
Someone told me l´d meet you and you´d
take me someplace I was supposed to go.

511
00:32:00,873 --> 00:32:02,840
What the hell are you babbling about?

512
00:32:02,940 --> 00:32:05,610
We saved your ass from
some angry fuckin´ dwarves...

513
00:32:05,711 --> 00:32:09,480
and now we´re supposed to take you
somewhere as if we know where it is?

514
00:32:11,415 --> 00:32:13,184
Do you believe in God?

515
00:32:14,652 --> 00:32:17,921
Holy fuck! All the fine, immoral bitches
out in front of that place...

516
00:32:17,988 --> 00:32:19,924
and we gotta get the oneJesus freak?

517
00:32:19,991 --> 00:32:21,225
- Let´s get the fuck out ofhere.
- Wait.

518
00:32:21,325 --> 00:32:22,994
- I´ll scream rape.
- I can payyou.

519
00:32:23,962 --> 00:32:25,397
Pay?

520
00:32:28,066 --> 00:32:30,035
A hundred bucks
for being my guide.

521
00:32:30,101 --> 00:32:34,172
You were going toJersey anyway.
All l´m asking is to tag along.

522
00:32:34,272 --> 00:32:37,742
I feel like Han Solo, you´re Chewie,
and she´s Ben Kenobi...

523
00:32:37,841 --> 00:32:40,245
and we´re in that fucked-up bar!

524
00:32:40,312 --> 00:32:41,813
What about sex?

525
00:32:41,913 --> 00:32:43,248
No sex.

526
00:32:45,317 --> 00:32:49,188
Let´s say we´re caught in a situation
where we have five minutes left to live.

527
00:32:49,254 --> 00:32:52,723
A bomb or something´s gonna go off.
Would you fuck us then?

528
00:32:52,823 --> 00:32:54,825
In that highly unlikely situation?

529
00:32:58,229 --> 00:32:59,397
Yeah, sure.

530
00:33:00,966 --> 00:33:02,534
She´s a slut.

531
00:33:04,870 --> 00:33:06,438
All right.

532
00:33:08,573 --> 00:33:10,041
But I get to drive.

533
00:33:19,150 --> 00:33:21,620
What gear are you in?

534
00:33:21,686 --> 00:33:22,854
Gear?

535
00:33:31,830 --> 00:33:34,400
What do I know about shiftin´?

536
00:33:38,036 --> 00:33:39,671
Like I ever drove before.

537
00:33:44,109 --> 00:33:46,444
Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania...

538
00:33:46,511 --> 00:33:47,912
NewJersey.

539
00:33:47,979 --> 00:33:50,081
Maybe you´re wrong
about this slaughter thing.

540
00:33:50,182 --> 00:33:54,286
How can you be sure what incurs the
Lord´s wrath these days? Times change.

541
00:33:54,387 --> 00:33:58,091
I remember eating meat on a Friday
used to be a Hell-worthy trespass.

542
00:33:58,190 --> 00:34:00,658
The major sins never change.

543
00:34:02,127 --> 00:34:06,832
Besides, I can spot
a commandment-breaker from a mile away.

544
00:34:06,899 --> 00:34:08,767
Bet on it.

545
00:34:08,833 --> 00:34:11,537
This from the guy who still owes me
ten bucks over that bet...

546
00:34:11,637 --> 00:34:14,807
about which was gonna be the bigger
movie-- ET or Krush Groove.

547
00:34:14,907 --> 00:34:17,977
Fuck you, man,
´cause time´s gonna tell on that one.

548
00:34:21,579 --> 00:34:25,116
Are you insinuating that I don´t have
what it takes anymore?

549
00:34:25,217 --> 00:34:26,752
Insinuating, no.

550
00:34:26,852 --> 00:34:29,388
Flat-out telling you.

551
00:34:32,424 --> 00:34:34,493
Right there.
There´s one.

552
00:34:34,593 --> 00:34:36,995
So? They´re kissing.

553
00:34:37,062 --> 00:34:38,030
Adultery.

554
00:34:38,096 --> 00:34:40,399
- Adultery?
- Adultery.

555
00:34:40,466 --> 00:34:42,434
You are just a simple creature.

556
00:34:42,501 --> 00:34:45,070
- Am I right?
- I happen to know the truth.

557
00:34:45,170 --> 00:34:48,174
I´m not gonna tell you. I want to see
how boned up on the job you are.

558
00:34:48,273 --> 00:34:51,076
- What´s your proof?
- He´s wearing a wedding band.

559
00:34:51,143 --> 00:34:53,812
And it never occurred toyou
that maybe she´s his wife?

560
00:34:53,912 --> 00:34:56,215
No married man kisses
his wife like that.

561
00:34:56,282 --> 00:34:59,051
Okay. It´s a good thing
you were never...

562
00:34:59,118 --> 00:35:02,088
the deciding member on ajury
is all l´m saying.

563
00:35:02,188 --> 00:35:06,058
" No married man kisses
his wife like that"? Are you stoned?

564
00:35:06,125 --> 00:35:07,192
Excuse me.

565
00:35:09,995 --> 00:35:11,463
Are you married?

566
00:35:11,563 --> 00:35:13,365
Why?

567
00:35:13,432 --> 00:35:14,900
I´m just curious.

568
00:35:14,967 --> 00:35:17,270
What do you think?

569
00:35:25,745 --> 00:35:28,280
- What?
- To her?

570
00:35:28,380 --> 00:35:30,415
- What?
- Areyou married to her?

571
00:35:30,516 --> 00:35:33,953
Not that it´s any of
your fucking business, but no.

572
00:35:34,019 --> 00:35:35,854
Why?

573
00:36:20,532 --> 00:36:22,634
Whosehouse

574
00:36:22,735 --> 00:36:25,205
Run´shouse

575
00:36:25,271 --> 00:36:27,874
Isaid, whosehouse

576
00:36:27,974 --> 00:36:29,910
Run´shouse

577
00:36:29,977 --> 00:36:32,079
Whosehouse
Say what

578
00:36:32,179 --> 00:36:34,513
Run´shouse
Say what

579
00:36:34,579 --> 00:36:36,415
Martin

580
00:36:40,253 --> 00:36:43,289
She´s fuckin´ pissed, dude.
She´s never gonna fuck us now.

581
00:36:43,389 --> 00:36:45,358
Maybe you,
but definitely not me.

582
00:36:45,459 --> 00:36:47,628
Let me know how she is.

583
00:36:47,727 --> 00:36:50,597
Nobody is fucking me!
You got that?

584
00:36:51,430 --> 00:36:53,700
I don´t know what I was thinking
in that diner...

585
00:36:53,766 --> 00:36:57,036
but being that l´ve decided to go home,
and not to NewJersey...

586
00:36:57,103 --> 00:36:59,572
sorry for the inconvenience
and good-bye.

587
00:37:00,373 --> 00:37:01,841
You´re breaking up with us?

588
00:37:03,143 --> 00:37:05,512
Who the hell do you think
you are, lady?

589
00:37:05,579 --> 00:37:08,548
You can´t just go around
breaking people´s hearts like that!

590
00:37:08,648 --> 00:37:11,952
I fell in love with you!
We fell in love with you!

591
00:37:12,019 --> 00:37:15,121
Guys like us just don´t fall out
ofthe fuckin´ sky.

592
00:37:23,030 --> 00:37:26,799
Beautiful, naked, big-tittied women
just don´t fall out of the sky.

593
00:37:40,781 --> 00:37:42,448
No heartbeat.

594
00:37:42,548 --> 00:37:45,118
Think someone threw him out of a plane
with a message written on him...

595
00:37:45,217 --> 00:37:46,719
Iike in ConAir?

596
00:37:46,819 --> 00:37:49,489
- Did you ever see that flick?
- Oh, did that suck!

597
00:37:49,590 --> 00:37:52,225
- ConAir? Con Shit.
- Kill it!

598
00:37:52,325 --> 00:37:55,396
- Sounds familiar.
-Jesus, are you okay?

599
00:37:55,496 --> 00:37:57,565
Yeah, it´s Rufus.
And yeah, l´m fine.

600
00:37:57,665 --> 00:37:59,933
He´s the fucking undead!
Cut his head off!.

601
00:37:59,999 --> 00:38:02,870
What I just did gave me
a fucking migraine!

602
00:38:02,936 --> 00:38:07,006
So if you don´t pipe down, l´m gonna
yank your sac off like a paper towel.

603
00:38:07,107 --> 00:38:09,576
Speaking of which,
you´re awfully nude.

604
00:38:09,643 --> 00:38:12,413
- Rufus, is it?
- Yes, Rufus it is.

605
00:38:12,479 --> 00:38:16,916
It´s usually Long Rufus, but it´s
a little cold out here. You understand?

606
00:38:17,016 --> 00:38:20,320
Big Papa, how about lending a brother
your coat till I find my own threads?

607
00:38:22,189 --> 00:38:24,458
Dude, he fell out of thin air.

608
00:38:25,593 --> 00:38:28,929
Dude, his piece is gonna be rubbing
inside ofyour armor.

609
00:38:28,996 --> 00:38:31,331
- Dude!
- Thanks a lot, baby.

610
00:38:32,532 --> 00:38:34,701
I´ll do my best to tuck it back.

611
00:38:34,801 --> 00:38:37,270
It´s been a while since physics
but I would think...

612
00:38:37,337 --> 00:38:40,307
the impact with which you hit
the asphalt would have liquefied you.

613
00:38:40,374 --> 00:38:42,109
Death is a worry of the living.

614
00:38:42,209 --> 00:38:45,679
The dead, like myself, only worry
about decay and necrophiliacs.

615
00:38:45,780 --> 00:38:48,648
- Told you he was the undead.
- Not the undead. The dead.

616
00:38:48,715 --> 00:38:49,715
I died.

617
00:38:49,815 --> 00:38:52,018
Christ told me the secret
to the resurrection once.

618
00:38:52,118 --> 00:38:55,689
We were at this wedding in Caanan.
I got drunk and forgot it.

619
00:38:55,789 --> 00:38:57,557
Wait, wait, wait.

620
00:38:57,624 --> 00:38:59,527
Christ?

621
00:38:59,593 --> 00:39:01,662
You knew Christ?

622
00:39:01,762 --> 00:39:03,798
Knew him?
Shit, nigga owes me 12 bucks.

623
00:39:03,898 --> 00:39:05,733
Let me guess.

624
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,302
- You´re another angel?
- Oh, I ain´t no angel.

625
00:39:08,402 --> 00:39:11,237
I´m a man,just like you and him.
Well, maybe not him.

626
00:39:11,304 --> 00:39:12,906
At least I was a man.

627
00:39:13,006 --> 00:39:16,110
Been dead nearly 2,000 years.
Here, check this out.

628
00:39:17,278 --> 00:39:20,448
No wonder he saw Jesus.
Homey´s rockin´ the ganj.

629
00:39:20,548 --> 00:39:22,717
It´s not a joint.

630
00:39:22,817 --> 00:39:25,118
I can´t read this.

631
00:39:25,185 --> 00:39:30,257
It´s Aramaic. It says,
" Rufus, seeyou in twoyears.Jesus."

632
00:39:30,357 --> 00:39:33,460
Freaked me out because He basically
told me when my number was up.

633
00:39:33,561 --> 00:39:36,397
Took all the flavor out of the
remaining years. We gotta get moving.

634
00:39:36,464 --> 00:39:40,100
Let´s saywe continue this discussion
over a two-piece and a biscuit. Come on.

635
00:39:40,199 --> 00:39:42,736
I´m starvin´.
Back off, Kato.

636
00:39:42,836 --> 00:39:44,071
Wait a second!

637
00:39:45,372 --> 00:39:47,875
Between guys with wings,
guys falling out of the sky...

638
00:39:47,975 --> 00:39:50,011
and guys trying like hell
to fuck me...

639
00:39:50,111 --> 00:39:53,081
I think l´ve been a pretty good sport
about all this so far.

640
00:39:53,181 --> 00:39:56,617
But l´m not going anywhere until
I find out where the hell you came from.

641
00:39:56,684 --> 00:39:58,619
Me? I came from Heaven.

642
00:39:58,685 --> 00:40:00,186
Now let´s start walkin´.

643
00:40:00,287 --> 00:40:03,123
Walk? Fuck you! Do you know
how far we are from anywheres?

644
00:40:03,190 --> 00:40:07,395
Hey, man, back in the old days
withJ.C., we used to walk everywhere.

645
00:40:07,494 --> 00:40:09,764
Did you ever hear of
a fat apostle?

646
00:40:14,368 --> 00:40:16,604
What the hell´s an apostle?

647
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:41,662
Let me get this straight.

648
00:40:41,729 --> 00:40:43,998
She´s already met the prophets...

649
00:40:44,065 --> 00:40:46,168
and the apostle´s with them?

650
00:40:49,136 --> 00:40:51,371
I think that our best course
of action...

651
00:40:51,472 --> 00:40:54,976
is to ensure that our parcel
is not found.

652
00:40:55,076 --> 00:40:59,648
And being that I can´t even
trust you enough to kill a woman...

653
00:41:01,316 --> 00:41:03,918
well, l´m left with no choice...

654
00:41:04,018 --> 00:41:08,055
but to seek outside assistance
in guarding said package.

655
00:41:11,492 --> 00:41:13,561
I´m gonna have to summon
the Golgothan.

656
00:41:16,698 --> 00:41:19,134
I appreciate the loan, brother.
You can have that back.

657
00:41:19,201 --> 00:41:22,570
Man, I remember when all we used to have
for breakfast was fish and goat´s milk.

658
00:41:22,637 --> 00:41:25,105
- What doyou call this shit?
- Egga Mooby Muffin.

659
00:41:25,172 --> 00:41:28,309
Now, how ´bout you start explaining
some things, like for starters...

660
00:41:28,409 --> 00:41:29,844
how did you know
where to find us?

661
00:41:29,911 --> 00:41:32,147
Do you know what the dead do
with most of their time?

662
00:41:32,247 --> 00:41:35,117
Watch the living.
Especially in the shower.

663
00:41:35,184 --> 00:41:36,785
I can´t wait to die.

664
00:41:36,885 --> 00:41:38,720
And why areyou watching me?

665
00:41:38,787 --> 00:41:41,356
Because you´re the one who´s gonna
help me get some changes made...

666
00:41:41,456 --> 00:41:43,124
in that book
you put so much stock in.

667
00:41:43,225 --> 00:41:45,560
- Hustler?
- The Bible!

668
00:41:45,627 --> 00:41:48,963
- What´s your beefwith the Bible?
- For starters, l´m not in it.

669
00:41:49,030 --> 00:41:51,599
Neither are any of us, but you
don´t hear us bitchin´ and moanin´.

670
00:41:51,700 --> 00:41:55,136
But l´m supposed to be in it.
I was the 13th Apostle.

671
00:41:56,704 --> 00:42:00,775
I´ve gone to church my whole life and
never heard of Rufus, the 13th Apostle.

672
00:42:00,876 --> 00:42:03,611
But you heard of
the other 12 Apostles.

673
00:42:03,712 --> 00:42:07,315
They were all white boys, I might add.
But no mention of me, Rufus.

674
00:42:07,416 --> 00:42:09,917
And why is that?
´Cause l´m a black man.

675
00:42:10,018 --> 00:42:12,054
Butyou know what?
That´s just my pet peeve.

676
00:42:12,153 --> 00:42:16,591
I´m mainly here to correct a major error
you´ve been basing your faith on.

677
00:42:16,691 --> 00:42:20,228
- What´s that?
-Jesus wasn´t white.Jesus was black.

678
00:42:20,328 --> 00:42:21,463
I don´t buy it.

679
00:42:21,563 --> 00:42:25,734
If that´s true, why did He get
written about and you were left out?

680
00:42:25,834 --> 00:42:28,037
Well, He is the Son ofGod.

681
00:42:28,137 --> 00:42:30,273
Kind of hard to have
a New Testament without him.

682
00:42:30,373 --> 00:42:33,174
So you fudge a few facts,
you put a spin on his ethnicity.

683
00:42:33,241 --> 00:42:36,844
Leaving me out is okay ´cause you
still got 1 2 white boys to choose from.

684
00:42:36,945 --> 00:42:40,549
- Areyou gonna listen to this shit?
- That´s what people of Antioch said...

685
00:42:40,649 --> 00:42:42,484
right before they stoned my ass.

686
00:42:42,551 --> 00:42:43,686
You were martyred?

687
00:42:43,785 --> 00:42:45,721
That´s one way of puttin´ it.

688
00:42:45,788 --> 00:42:48,790
Anotherway is to say I was bludgeoned
to shit by big fucking rocks.

689
00:42:48,891 --> 00:42:51,660
White folks only wanna hear
the good shit--

690
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:54,062
Iife eternal,
a place in God´s Heaven.

691
00:42:54,128 --> 00:42:56,664
But as soon as you hear
that you´re gettin´ this good shit...

692
00:42:56,765 --> 00:42:58,434
from a black Jesus, ya freak.

693
00:42:58,533 --> 00:43:00,769
And that, my friends,
is called hypocrisy.

694
00:43:00,869 --> 00:43:05,507
A black man can steal your stereo,
but he can´t beyour savior.

695
00:43:05,607 --> 00:43:06,942
You gonna eat that hash brown?

696
00:43:08,043 --> 00:43:09,945
So, you went to Heaven?

697
00:43:10,011 --> 00:43:13,248
Damn right I went to Heaven!
That´s the least He could do.

698
00:43:13,349 --> 00:43:16,785
In the three years I followed His ass
around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid?

699
00:43:16,852 --> 00:43:19,988
Hell no.
And I was in my prime.

700
00:43:20,089 --> 00:43:22,557
I could have been knee-deep
in shepherds´ daughters...

701
00:43:22,624 --> 00:43:25,193
not to mention fine-ass
Mary Magdalene.

702
00:43:25,294 --> 00:43:27,229
She had a thing for dark meat,
if you follow me.

703
00:43:27,295 --> 00:43:30,499
Maybe this is just me talking,
but ifl were in Heaven...

704
00:43:30,599 --> 00:43:33,535
I wouldn´t care what the Bible said
as long as they got the message right.

705
00:43:33,602 --> 00:43:35,705
The message is what counts.

706
00:43:35,805 --> 00:43:39,607
But folks who build their faith
on that message should be color blind.

707
00:43:39,674 --> 00:43:42,711
And all my rabble-rousing
is not doing that much above.

708
00:43:42,811 --> 00:43:44,746
So l´m gonna need
some help down here.

709
00:43:44,813 --> 00:43:48,517
That´s why l´m gonna help you stop those
angels from gettin´ into that church...

710
00:43:48,618 --> 00:43:51,187
in exchange foryou helping me
with my campaign.

711
00:43:51,287 --> 00:43:54,023
How do you know about that,
the angels?

712
00:43:54,124 --> 00:43:57,226
- Isn´t much I don´t know about you.
- I find that hard to believe.

713
00:43:57,326 --> 00:44:01,629
When you were five, you let a kid
from next door piss on your hand.

714
00:44:01,696 --> 00:44:05,100
You did that shit?
You´re nasty.

715
00:44:05,167 --> 00:44:07,670
I never told anybody about that.

716
00:44:07,770 --> 00:44:09,438
Neither did he.

717
00:44:09,539 --> 00:44:12,375
Two years later,
that kid died of leukemia.

718
00:44:12,442 --> 00:44:15,111
His name was Brian Johnson.

719
00:44:15,210 --> 00:44:17,313
Your exploits,
no matter how inane...

720
00:44:17,412 --> 00:44:19,449
are well documented in Heaven.

721
00:44:19,549 --> 00:44:21,384
Probably Hell too.

722
00:44:26,589 --> 00:44:28,190
Where are you going?

723
00:44:28,291 --> 00:44:30,125
Tell me somethin´ about me.

724
00:44:30,192 --> 00:44:33,162
You masturbate more than anyone
on the planet.

725
00:44:33,261 --> 00:44:36,132
Fuck. Everyone knows that.
Tell me something nobody knows.

726
00:44:36,198 --> 00:44:38,668
When you do it,
you´re thinking about guys.

727
00:44:42,005 --> 00:44:44,941
- Dude, not all the time.
- Sorry ifl scared you.

728
00:44:48,043 --> 00:44:51,981
Two-thirds ofme wants to
forget about this and go home.

729
00:44:52,047 --> 00:44:54,650
Yesterday, I wasn´t sure
God even existed.

730
00:44:54,750 --> 00:44:58,221
Now l´m up to my ass
in Christian mythology.

731
00:44:58,321 --> 00:45:02,192
Let me let you in
on a little inside info.

732
00:45:02,259 --> 00:45:06,962
God hates it when
it´s referred to as "mythology."

733
00:45:08,063 --> 00:45:12,635
Oh, well, then let´s ask the "prophets"
what we should call it instead.

734
00:45:15,839 --> 00:45:18,408
Where did those two assholes go?

735
00:45:35,992 --> 00:45:37,994
What are you doing?

736
00:45:38,094 --> 00:45:40,096
Proving to this bastard
I ain´t gay.

737
00:45:40,196 --> 00:45:42,164
- What?
- Long story. Forget it.

738
00:45:42,265 --> 00:45:44,601
We gotta get movin´.
How can we get to Jersey?

739
00:45:44,668 --> 00:45:46,669
We´ll take the train.
I´ll call for reservations.

740
00:46:43,527 --> 00:46:46,496
I thought she looked familiar.

741
00:46:46,563 --> 00:46:48,164
- Who?
- Serendipity.

742
00:47:01,511 --> 00:47:02,579
Morning, shoppers.

743
00:47:02,679 --> 00:47:04,413
Good morning.

744
00:47:05,348 --> 00:47:07,784
- Has anyone seen the overnights?
- No, sir.

745
00:47:09,119 --> 00:47:10,687
We creamed ´em.

746
00:47:13,390 --> 00:47:16,027
Last night was a rerun,
which says to me--

747
00:47:18,596 --> 00:47:20,530
Do I smell onions?

748
00:47:26,470 --> 00:47:28,338
Excuse me.

749
00:47:31,742 --> 00:47:34,212
May I ask what you´re doing
in my boardroom?

750
00:47:35,179 --> 00:47:38,115
You may proceed, monami.

751
00:47:41,586 --> 00:47:43,720
I´m gonna have to start
by apologizing.

752
00:47:43,820 --> 00:47:46,756
My friend has a bit of a penchant
for the dramatic.

753
00:47:46,823 --> 00:47:48,392
Oh, come on!

754
00:47:51,729 --> 00:47:53,665
Relax. I´m doing it.

755
00:47:55,465 --> 00:47:57,935
Mooby, the Golden Calf.

756
00:47:58,035 --> 00:48:02,440
Created by Nancy Goldruff,
a former kindergarten teacher in 1 989.

757
00:48:02,507 --> 00:48:05,241
Bought by the Complex Corporation
in 1 991 .

758
00:48:05,342 --> 00:48:09,113
Broadcast nationally
as the " Mooby Fun-Time Hour."

759
00:48:09,180 --> 00:48:13,651
Since its inception,
has spawned two theatrical films...

760
00:48:13,750 --> 00:48:17,721
16 records,
8 prime-time specials...

761
00:48:17,821 --> 00:48:22,393
and a library
of priced-to-own videocassettes.

762
00:48:22,494 --> 00:48:26,431
Not to mention
bicoastal theme parks...

763
00:48:26,531 --> 00:48:29,066
dubbed " Mooby World."

764
00:48:29,165 --> 00:48:31,501
Did I miss anything?

765
00:48:31,568 --> 00:48:33,303
You forgot Mooby Magazine.

766
00:48:33,403 --> 00:48:34,838
Damn it!

767
00:48:34,905 --> 00:48:36,607
Is there a point to this?

768
00:48:36,707 --> 00:48:40,445
You and your board are idolaters.

769
00:48:42,513 --> 00:48:45,382
I can´t believe you forgot
the magazine.

770
00:48:47,518 --> 00:48:49,053
That´s you.

771
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:52,489
Doyou know much about voodoo?

772
00:48:53,991 --> 00:48:57,261
That´s a fascinating practice.
No real doctrine of faith to speak of.

773
00:48:57,361 --> 00:49:00,065
More an arrangement
of superstitions...

774
00:49:00,164 --> 00:49:02,133
the most well-known ofwhich...

775
00:49:02,233 --> 00:49:03,734
is the voodoo doll.

776
00:49:03,834 --> 00:49:05,302
You see...

777
00:49:13,644 --> 00:49:16,648
a mockup ofan individual
is subjected...

778
00:49:16,747 --> 00:49:18,850
to various pokes and prods.

779
00:49:18,950 --> 00:49:23,053
The desired result is that
the individual will feel those effects.

780
00:49:23,154 --> 00:49:24,689
Call security, now!

781
00:49:29,260 --> 00:49:32,131
All lines are currently down.

782
00:49:32,197 --> 00:49:34,599
- I´m gonna have to apologize--
- Would you knock it off?

783
00:49:34,666 --> 00:49:37,134
You´re doing it again.
Stop. What did we talk about?

784
00:49:38,268 --> 00:49:41,639
You are responsible
for raising an icon...

785
00:49:41,706 --> 00:49:43,674
which draws worship
from the Lord.

786
00:49:43,741 --> 00:49:46,044
You have broken
the First Commandment.

787
00:49:46,111 --> 00:49:49,081
More than that,
l´m afraid not a one ofyou...

788
00:49:49,180 --> 00:49:51,917
passes for a decent human being.

789
00:49:52,017 --> 00:49:56,454
Your continued existence
is a mockery ofmorality.

790
00:49:56,520 --> 00:49:58,455
Like you, Mr. Burton.

791
00:49:58,522 --> 00:50:01,993
Last year, you cheated on yourwife
of 1 7 years 8 times.

792
00:50:02,092 --> 00:50:04,295
You even had sex
with her best friend...

793
00:50:04,395 --> 00:50:08,733
while you were supposed to be home
watching the kids.

794
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:12,270
In the bed thatyou
and your wife share, no less.

795
00:50:12,369 --> 00:50:13,471
Mr. Newman.

796
00:50:13,571 --> 00:50:16,274
You gotyour girlfriend drunk
at lastyear´s Christmas party...

797
00:50:16,375 --> 00:50:18,676
and then paid a kid
from the mail room...

798
00:50:18,742 --> 00:50:21,245
to have sex with her
while she was passed out...

799
00:50:21,345 --> 00:50:23,948
just so you could break up
with her guilt-free...

800
00:50:24,049 --> 00:50:26,417
when she sobbingly confessed
in the morning.

801
00:50:27,851 --> 00:50:30,688
She killed herself
three months later.

802
00:50:30,755 --> 00:50:33,692
Mr. Brace disowned his gay son.

803
00:50:33,758 --> 00:50:35,694
Very compassionate.

804
00:50:35,761 --> 00:50:38,831
Mr. Ray put his mother
in a third-rate nursing home...

805
00:50:38,930 --> 00:50:42,266
and used the profits
from the sale ofher home...

806
00:50:42,333 --> 00:50:46,170
to buy an Oriental rug for himself.

807
00:50:46,237 --> 00:50:47,905
Heavens.

808
00:50:48,006 --> 00:50:50,741
Mr. Barker flew to Thailand
on the company account...

809
00:50:50,842 --> 00:50:54,479
to have sex
with an eleven-year-old boy.

810
00:50:54,579 --> 00:50:57,616
Mr. Holtzman okayed the production
of Mooby Dolls...

811
00:50:57,716 --> 00:51:00,453
from materials he knew
to be toxic and unsafe...

812
00:51:00,553 --> 00:51:02,954
because it was-- survey says--

813
00:51:04,421 --> 00:51:06,290
Iess costly.

814
00:51:06,357 --> 00:51:09,327
You, on the other hand...

815
00:51:09,428 --> 00:51:11,663
are an innocent.

816
00:51:11,763 --> 00:51:13,632
You lead a good life.

817
00:51:13,699 --> 00:51:14,766
Good for you.

818
00:51:15,701 --> 00:51:18,736
But you, Mr. Whitland...

819
00:51:18,837 --> 00:51:20,806
you have more skeletons
in your closet...

820
00:51:20,873 --> 00:51:22,807
than this assembled party.

821
00:51:22,874 --> 00:51:25,543
I cannot even mention them aloud.

822
00:51:29,414 --> 00:51:33,018
You´re his father,
you sick fuck!

823
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:37,689
- Good.
- Not bad, man.

824
00:51:37,789 --> 00:51:39,724
That´s great work.
Very good.

825
00:51:40,993 --> 00:51:42,561
Well...

826
00:51:43,762 --> 00:51:45,898
alone at last.

827
00:51:45,998 --> 00:51:48,500
With the exception of Miss Pryce here...

828
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:52,404
there isn´t a decent human being
amongst you.

829
00:51:52,471 --> 00:51:54,205
Not one.

830
00:51:54,305 --> 00:51:57,876
Doyou know what makes
a human being decent?

831
00:51:57,976 --> 00:51:59,211
Fear.

832
00:51:59,311 --> 00:52:01,380
And therein lies the problem.

833
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:04,416
None of you has anything
left to fear anymore.

834
00:52:04,483 --> 00:52:07,921
You rest comfortably in seats
of inscrutable power...

835
00:52:08,021 --> 00:52:11,222
hiding behind your false idol,
far from judgment...

836
00:52:11,323 --> 00:52:14,559
ives shrouded in secrecy,
even from one another.

837
00:52:16,328 --> 00:52:18,263
But not from God.

838
00:52:23,269 --> 00:52:25,338
Forgot my little voodoo doll.

839
00:52:27,473 --> 00:52:31,076
Man, it really looks
just likeyou, doesn´t it?

840
00:52:31,177 --> 00:52:34,913
Look, if i believed enough in this...

841
00:52:35,013 --> 00:52:36,581
I wonder--

842
00:52:53,366 --> 00:52:56,101
Come on.
I don´t believe in voodoo.

843
00:53:00,838 --> 00:53:02,407
Voodoo.

844
00:53:09,815 --> 00:53:12,385
But I do believe in this.

845
00:53:12,485 --> 00:53:14,888
Don´t run! Don´t run!

846
00:53:14,954 --> 00:53:17,723
Fakes! Fakes!
All of you, fakes!

847
00:53:20,225 --> 00:53:22,460
" But I do believe in this."

848
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:23,995
What does that mean?

849
00:53:24,061 --> 00:53:25,530
And one to grow on.

850
00:53:31,603 --> 00:53:32,671
Gum?

851
00:53:34,039 --> 00:53:36,608
Go on. It´s okay.

852
00:53:36,708 --> 00:53:38,744
You´ve done nothing wrong.

853
00:53:38,843 --> 00:53:41,913
These guys were fakes.

854
00:53:42,013 --> 00:53:44,348
You´re a pure soul.

855
00:53:45,951 --> 00:53:48,520
Butyou didn´t say "God bless you"
when I sneezed.

856
00:53:49,621 --> 00:53:51,056
Loki!

857
00:53:53,125 --> 00:53:54,560
You´re getting off light.

858
00:53:54,625 --> 00:53:56,628
- Loki!
- I know. I´m comin´.

859
00:54:00,666 --> 00:54:02,100
You´re so lucky.

860
00:54:06,471 --> 00:54:09,341
I forgot you were down here.
How long now?

861
00:54:09,407 --> 00:54:10,841
Three years this August.

862
00:54:10,908 --> 00:54:14,546
Let me guess-- the 1 4th Apostle, left
out ofthe Bible because she´s a woman?

863
00:54:14,646 --> 00:54:15,848
This girl´s no woman.

864
00:54:15,948 --> 00:54:18,950
Oh. Those weren´t tits
I saw Jay cozying up to?

865
00:54:19,051 --> 00:54:20,753
What, these?

866
00:54:20,853 --> 00:54:25,023
You should know better than anyone here
that tits don´t make a woman.

867
00:54:25,124 --> 00:54:27,525
Hell, the tubby, coat-wearing
motherfucker´s got tits.

868
00:54:27,592 --> 00:54:31,096
What traditionally defines a woman
falls between two things--

869
00:54:31,196 --> 00:54:32,865
her legs.

870
00:54:32,964 --> 00:54:35,401
But as you can see...

871
00:54:35,468 --> 00:54:37,203
I lack definition.

872
00:54:37,303 --> 00:54:41,007
Hey, they´re gettin´ a free show!
Let me see that shit!

873
00:54:41,106 --> 00:54:44,109
Oh, God,
another angel like Metatron.

874
00:54:44,209 --> 00:54:46,845
How doyou--
How does she know Metatron?

875
00:54:46,945 --> 00:54:48,913
This is the last scion.

876
00:54:49,848 --> 00:54:52,584
You´re kidding.

877
00:54:52,684 --> 00:54:54,319
Wow.

878
00:54:54,419 --> 00:54:55,421
I´m confused.

879
00:54:55,521 --> 00:54:59,592
Bethany, Serendipity here
isn´t technically an angel.

880
00:54:59,692 --> 00:55:03,362
Nor is she, by any means,
a human being like I was and you are.

881
00:55:03,462 --> 00:55:07,200
- I used to be an abstract.
- Now l´m really confused.

882
00:55:07,299 --> 00:55:08,833
I´m a muse, stupid.

883
00:55:09,935 --> 00:55:12,504
I can´t take much more ofthis.

884
00:55:12,605 --> 00:55:14,273
So you, what, inspire people?

885
00:55:14,373 --> 00:55:17,075
Whatjust went down
with your friends over there--

886
00:55:17,175 --> 00:55:20,079
It doesn´t really take a muse to inspire
horny retards to empty their wallets.

887
00:55:20,145 --> 00:55:22,114
I used to specialize
in entertainment.

888
00:55:22,214 --> 00:55:27,687
For example, l´m responsible for 1 9 of
the 20 top-grossing films ofall time.

889
00:55:27,787 --> 00:55:30,357
- Nineteen?
- Yeah.

890
00:55:30,455 --> 00:55:33,392
The one about the kid
by himselfin his house...

891
00:55:33,459 --> 00:55:36,461
burglars trying to come in
and he fights them off--

892
00:55:36,561 --> 00:55:38,797
I had nothing to do
with that one.

893
00:55:38,898 --> 00:55:43,236
Somebody sold their soul to Satan to get
the grosses up on that piece of shit.

894
00:56:01,554 --> 00:56:03,957
What are you doing stripping?

895
00:56:04,023 --> 00:56:05,459
Remember why I left?

896
00:56:05,525 --> 00:56:08,961
Because you were tired of getting
none of the credit for your ideas.

897
00:56:09,028 --> 00:56:12,164
So I opted to quit being a muse
and write for myself.

898
00:56:12,265 --> 00:56:16,168
I gave my two weeks notice,
got a body, 50 bucks...

899
00:56:16,234 --> 00:56:19,271
and got sent out into the world
to make my fortune.

900
00:56:19,372 --> 00:56:20,907
So what happened?

901
00:56:22,174 --> 00:56:23,743
Writer´s block.

902
00:56:23,844 --> 00:56:26,712
Can you believe it?
Me, a muse, for God´s sake.

903
00:56:26,779 --> 00:56:30,783
I can inspire anyone I meet and give out
a zillion and nine ideas a second...

904
00:56:30,884 --> 00:56:32,819
but I can´t keep any for myself.

905
00:56:34,421 --> 00:56:36,823
Her quirky sense ofhumor.

906
00:56:36,890 --> 00:56:39,125
- Whose?
- God´s.

907
00:56:39,225 --> 00:56:42,161
- You´re saying God´s a woman?
- Was there ever a doubt in your mind?

908
00:56:42,227 --> 00:56:43,996
He´s always referred to as " Him."

909
00:56:44,096 --> 00:56:45,898
That´s not how I wrote it.

910
00:56:45,999 --> 00:56:47,933
But one of the drawbacks
to being intangible...

911
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:50,704
is that you have no say
in the editorial process.

912
00:56:50,803 --> 00:56:53,840
The people that held the pens
added their own perspective...

913
00:56:53,940 --> 00:56:56,443
and all the penholders were men.

914
00:56:56,543 --> 00:57:00,479
So She became a He.
Doesn´t stop with God either.

915
00:57:00,546 --> 00:57:02,582
The whole book´s gender-biased.

916
00:57:02,681 --> 00:57:04,883
A woman´s responsible
for original sin.

917
00:57:04,984 --> 00:57:07,153
A woman cuts Samson coif of power.

918
00:57:07,253 --> 00:57:10,657
A woman asks for the head
ofJohn the Baptist.

919
00:57:10,723 --> 00:57:12,191
Read that book again.

920
00:57:12,258 --> 00:57:15,362
Women are painted as bigger antagonists
than the Egyptians and Romans combined.

921
00:57:15,463 --> 00:57:16,696
It stinks.

922
00:57:23,102 --> 00:57:24,837
Why is the last scion here?

923
00:57:24,937 --> 00:57:27,907
Bartleby and Loki.
They found a way back.

924
00:57:27,974 --> 00:57:31,144
- Not the plenary indulgence loop hole.
- You know about that?

925
00:57:31,245 --> 00:57:34,180
I always knew that thing
was a bad idea.

926
00:57:34,247 --> 00:57:36,182
Leave it to the Catholics
to destroy existence.

927
00:57:36,249 --> 00:57:38,751
You have issues with Catholicism,
I take it?

928
00:57:38,852 --> 00:57:42,389
I have issues with anyone who treats God
like a burden instead of a blessing...

929
00:57:42,489 --> 00:57:43,858
Iike some Catholics.

930
00:57:43,924 --> 00:57:46,893
You people don´t celebrate your faith,
you mourn it.

931
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:51,164
-If we´re wrong, what religion is right?
-It´s not about who´s right orwrong.

932
00:57:51,263 --> 00:57:53,199
No denomination´s nailed it yet...

933
00:57:53,266 --> 00:57:55,869
because they´re all
too self-righteous to realize...

934
00:57:55,969 --> 00:58:00,907
that it doesn´t matter what you have
faith in,just that you have faith.

935
00:58:00,974 --> 00:58:05,412
Your hearts are in the right place,
butyour brains gotta wake up.

936
00:58:07,814 --> 00:58:10,350
They made me and Silent Bob
part ofthe gang.

937
00:58:16,290 --> 00:58:18,224
Who fuckin´ farted?

938
00:58:19,726 --> 00:58:22,930
Not born.
Shit into existence.

939
00:58:26,399 --> 00:58:29,235
Sweet Christ,
somebody wants you bad!

940
00:58:29,301 --> 00:58:31,772
- What is that thing?
- An excremental.

941
00:58:31,871 --> 00:58:34,107
- The Golgothan.
- A what?

942
00:58:34,207 --> 00:58:35,609
A shit demon!

943
00:58:35,676 --> 00:58:39,313
No man of woman born!

944
00:58:40,114 --> 00:58:43,249
- Friend of yours?
- Is this smelly fuck with us?

945
00:58:43,350 --> 00:58:44,952
It came for Bethany!

946
00:58:45,052 --> 00:58:47,989
Smoke that motherfucker
like it ain´t no thang!

947
00:58:48,055 --> 00:58:50,525
I knew l´s gonna
whack somebody today!

948
00:58:50,591 --> 00:58:52,525
Get your fuckin´ hand back.

949
00:58:52,592 --> 00:58:53,794
Represent!

950
00:58:55,195 --> 00:58:57,631
Go! Go! Go!

951
00:59:18,952 --> 00:59:21,388
Looks like we´re in charge
of the gang now.

952
00:59:22,756 --> 00:59:24,258
Over the bar!

953
00:59:33,767 --> 00:59:37,203
- Where did that thing come from?
- Ever heard of Golgotha?

954
00:59:37,270 --> 00:59:39,272
The hill where Christ
was crucified.

955
00:59:39,372 --> 00:59:42,109
It wasn´tjust Christ.
The Romans crucified everyone there.

956
00:59:42,209 --> 00:59:45,713
Christ excluded, theywere criminals--
killers, brigands, thieves, rapists.

957
00:59:45,813 --> 00:59:48,916
Whenever the crucified expired,
their bodies lost muscle control...

958
00:59:49,017 --> 00:59:51,518
spilling bowel and bladder
in the process...

959
00:59:51,619 --> 00:59:54,488
the result of which
is that walking pile ofcrap--

960
00:59:54,555 --> 00:59:57,625
the Golgothan shit demon,
Hell´s chief assassin.

961
00:59:57,725 --> 00:59:59,493
It´s here for you, girlie.

962
01:00:04,098 --> 01:00:06,300
- Bob, get down!
- Matches! Matches!

963
01:00:39,201 --> 01:00:41,436
- Hey, man.
- How?

964
01:00:43,570 --> 01:00:45,206
" Knocks strong odors out."

965
01:00:45,305 --> 01:00:48,242
- Way to go, biggie.
- Why would you ever carry this?

966
01:00:50,345 --> 01:00:52,013
What?

967
01:00:52,113 --> 01:00:54,049
Whoever sent this might send more.

968
01:00:54,115 --> 01:00:58,052
I suggestyou take the princess
and get as far away as possible.

969
01:00:58,152 --> 01:01:00,689
I´ll try to get something
out of poopy boy here.

970
01:01:00,788 --> 01:01:03,525
If he tells me something,
l´ll let you know.

971
01:01:04,858 --> 01:01:07,128
Hello. We´d like two tickets
to NewJersey, please.

972
01:01:07,228 --> 01:01:08,896
Jersey´s sold out, sir.

973
01:01:08,996 --> 01:01:11,566
- What?
- There´s one at the same time tomorrow.

974
01:01:11,666 --> 01:01:15,603
Don´t underestimate the staggering
drawing power of the Garden State.

975
01:01:15,669 --> 01:01:18,006
Show up two hours in advance.

976
01:01:20,274 --> 01:01:21,710
Nice.

977
01:01:21,776 --> 01:01:24,712
Your hard-on for smiting
has prevented us from negotiating...

978
01:01:24,779 --> 01:01:28,883
what ought to be the relatively simple
matter of catching or staying on a bus.

979
01:01:28,983 --> 01:01:30,618
Bus, schmuss.

980
01:01:30,718 --> 01:01:35,289
Why should we fall victim to gravity
when we can just as easily rise above?

981
01:01:35,389 --> 01:01:37,826
- You mean fly?
- We got wings, right?

982
01:01:37,892 --> 01:01:39,460
Fuck, let´s use ´em!

983
01:01:39,560 --> 01:01:41,996
I wouldn´t suggest that.

984
01:01:43,398 --> 01:01:45,200
You see, kids...

985
01:01:45,301 --> 01:01:48,736
you wouldn´t want to look like
a couple of fairies, now, would you?

986
01:01:54,375 --> 01:01:56,444
How´d you get out of Hell?

987
01:01:56,544 --> 01:01:58,780
I told them I was coming up
on a routine possession.

988
01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:02,084
I don´t have much time. If they figure
out my ruse, they´ll come after me.

989
01:02:02,184 --> 01:02:05,887
-What´s with bringing us in here?
-You two are inches from getting caught.

990
01:02:05,987 --> 01:02:09,457
Going around killing people,
about to uncase your wings.

991
01:02:09,558 --> 01:02:11,492
Don´tyou know what´s going on?

992
01:02:11,558 --> 01:02:13,494
Well, we´re going home.

993
01:02:13,561 --> 01:02:17,999
Really. Are you so clueless as to think
you can just waltz back into Heaven?

994
01:02:18,100 --> 01:02:20,636
- Why not?
- Everybody is looking for you.

995
01:02:20,735 --> 01:02:23,671
Both sides.
Above and below.

996
01:02:23,738 --> 01:02:26,007
Orders are to terminate you
on sight.

997
01:02:26,107 --> 01:02:27,509
- Really?
- Why?

998
01:02:27,576 --> 01:02:29,711
Because you´re pissing people off,
that´s why.

999
01:02:31,079 --> 01:02:33,715
Word is that God´s pissed off
at your presumption...

1000
01:02:33,815 --> 01:02:37,052
and I know Lucifer´s pissed because
you assholes might make him look bad...

1001
01:02:37,152 --> 01:02:39,088
by succeeding
where he´s failed so many times.

1002
01:02:39,154 --> 01:02:42,223
- So they´rejust gonna kill us?
- They´re gonna try.

1003
01:02:42,323 --> 01:02:45,260
That´s why you have to travel
incognito.

1004
01:02:45,327 --> 01:02:48,363
Tone down your behavior.
Stay off their respective radars.

1005
01:02:48,463 --> 01:02:50,399
Quit killing people.
That´s high profile.

1006
01:02:50,466 --> 01:02:53,369
- Oh, lighten up.
- I can´t believe they wanna kill us.

1007
01:02:53,436 --> 01:02:55,371
Oh, believe it, boys.

1008
01:02:56,605 --> 01:02:58,840
They´ve even got the last scion
looking foryou.

1009
01:02:58,940 --> 01:03:00,675
- Really?
- You´re kidding.

1010
01:03:00,775 --> 01:03:03,745
This is huge. Your reentry
is a thorn in a lot of sides.

1011
01:03:03,845 --> 01:03:05,780
They´ll stop at nothing
to prevent it.

1012
01:03:05,847 --> 01:03:09,084
In the meantime, I suggest you find
an alternate mode of transportation.

1013
01:03:09,184 --> 01:03:11,220
If anything else comes up,
l´ll contact you.

1014
01:03:11,320 --> 01:03:14,490
Thankyou, Azrael.
You´re a true friend.

1015
01:03:14,589 --> 01:03:17,526
I have to get back to the pit
before they get suspicious.

1016
01:03:17,593 --> 01:03:21,229
And remember, incognito.

1017
01:03:25,667 --> 01:03:28,270
Howyou coping, kid?

1018
01:03:28,370 --> 01:03:30,039
It´s weird.

1019
01:03:30,139 --> 01:03:32,707
Just when I think
I have a handle on things...

1020
01:03:32,808 --> 01:03:36,044
something wholly unbelievable
presents itself.

1021
01:03:36,145 --> 01:03:38,681
Sometimes I wish
i´d just stayed home.

1022
01:03:38,781 --> 01:03:41,416
You sound like the Man.

1023
01:03:41,516 --> 01:03:42,917
What´s he like?

1024
01:03:42,984 --> 01:03:45,520
He likes to listen to people talk.

1025
01:03:45,621 --> 01:03:49,057
Christ loved to sit around the fire,
listen to me and the other guys.

1026
01:03:49,124 --> 01:03:51,493
Whenever we were going on
about unimportant shit...

1027
01:03:51,560 --> 01:03:53,729
he always had a smile
on his face.

1028
01:03:53,829 --> 01:03:55,864
His only real beefwith mankind...

1029
01:03:55,965 --> 01:03:59,201
is the shit that gets carried out
in His name.

1030
01:03:59,302 --> 01:04:02,706
Wars, bigotry, televangelism.

1031
01:04:02,773 --> 01:04:06,408
The big one, though,
is the factioning of all the religions.

1032
01:04:06,507 --> 01:04:08,443
He said mankind
got it all wrong...

1033
01:04:08,510 --> 01:04:11,981
by taking a good idea
and building a belief structure on it.

1034
01:04:12,080 --> 01:04:14,717
You´re saying having beliefs
is a bad thing?

1035
01:04:14,817 --> 01:04:16,886
I just think it´s better
to have ideas.

1036
01:04:16,986 --> 01:04:20,090
You can change an idea.
Changing a beliefis trickier.

1037
01:04:20,189 --> 01:04:22,658
People die for it.
People kill for it.

1038
01:04:22,758 --> 01:04:25,193
The whole of existence
is injeopardy right now...

1039
01:04:25,260 --> 01:04:30,399
because ofthe Catholic belief structure
regarding this plenary indulgence shit.

1040
01:04:30,499 --> 01:04:32,735
Bartleby and Loki,
whether they know it or not...

1041
01:04:32,835 --> 01:04:34,771
are exploiting that belief...

1042
01:04:34,838 --> 01:04:36,306
and if they´re successful...

1043
01:04:36,372 --> 01:04:40,542
you, me, all of this
ends in a heartbeat.

1044
01:04:40,643 --> 01:04:42,611
All over a belief.

1045
01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:48,818
I haven´t seen the moron twins
in a while. How aboutyou?

1046
01:04:48,917 --> 01:04:51,987
One time we were at the mall,
we tied Tubby to the ceiling...

1047
01:04:52,088 --> 01:04:55,425
and he went flying through the air,
fuckin´ crashed through the wall.

1048
01:04:55,492 --> 01:04:56,926
It was fucked up.

1049
01:04:56,992 --> 01:04:59,928
You two aren´t getting into
any trouble, areyou?

1050
01:04:59,995 --> 01:05:03,233
We´re just about to smoke a fatty
with these two suave motherfuckers...

1051
01:05:03,332 --> 01:05:06,536
who just got on at the last stop--
Larry and Barry.

1052
01:05:08,171 --> 01:05:10,706
So,Jay tells us
you´re gonna sleep with him.

1053
01:05:15,443 --> 01:05:17,880
Hit this shit, man.
It´s good stuff.

1054
01:05:19,248 --> 01:05:20,683
Oh, fuck.

1055
01:05:24,253 --> 01:05:26,690
That´s some bad shit, dude.

1056
01:05:26,757 --> 01:05:28,691
You hit that?

1057
01:05:31,094 --> 01:05:33,028
Yeah, you´re bad, dude.

1058
01:05:36,232 --> 01:05:37,700
Bad shit.

1059
01:05:38,701 --> 01:05:41,171
Why areyou
heading to NewJersey?

1060
01:05:41,270 --> 01:05:44,708
It´s just this thing I have to do.

1061
01:05:44,775 --> 01:05:46,243
We´re going home.

1062
01:05:46,343 --> 01:05:49,078
Oh.
Doyou two live together?

1063
01:05:49,178 --> 01:05:51,014
Unfortunately, yes.

1064
01:05:53,684 --> 01:05:56,418
So, how long haveyou two
been together?

1065
01:05:57,720 --> 01:05:59,522
A while.

1066
01:05:59,623 --> 01:06:03,326
He can be pretty flaky sometimes,
but we have a lot in common.

1067
01:06:03,426 --> 01:06:04,994
How´d you meet?

1068
01:06:05,094 --> 01:06:06,662
We were stationed together.

1069
01:06:06,762 --> 01:06:09,132
See, that´s beautiful.

1070
01:06:09,199 --> 01:06:13,069
Everybody´s always up in arms
about this "out in the military" issue.

1071
01:06:14,171 --> 01:06:15,238
Pardon?

1072
01:06:15,339 --> 01:06:19,609
You know, there´s all the macho bullshit
about it being "this man´s army."

1073
01:06:19,709 --> 01:06:21,944
You two meet there, hook up--

1074
01:06:22,945 --> 01:06:26,082
You think we´re lovers?
No, no. We´re not gay.

1075
01:06:26,182 --> 01:06:28,618
Oh, God.
I´m sorry.

1076
01:06:28,685 --> 01:06:31,788
- I just assumed.
- Do I come offas gay?

1077
01:06:34,625 --> 01:06:37,795
My ex-husband sort ofscrewed up
my relationship awareness barometer.

1078
01:06:37,895 --> 01:06:40,429
- You´re divorced.
- That´s a nice way ofputting it.

1079
01:06:40,530 --> 01:06:42,097
I call it being dumped.

1080
01:06:42,198 --> 01:06:44,167
I was...

1081
01:06:44,266 --> 01:06:45,902
dumped once.

1082
01:06:46,002 --> 01:06:48,939
Don´tyoujust constantly
question yourvalue?

1083
01:06:49,006 --> 01:06:51,609
Like, why was I so easy
to cast aside?

1084
01:06:51,708 --> 01:06:55,278
And you wonder ifthe other party
is gonna come to their senses...

1085
01:06:55,378 --> 01:06:56,813
and call you back.

1086
01:06:56,880 --> 01:07:00,317
They always tell you
it´ll hurt less with time.

1087
01:07:00,417 --> 01:07:02,485
When actually...

1088
01:07:02,585 --> 01:07:04,253
it hurts more.

1089
01:07:07,691 --> 01:07:09,893
You know what we need?

1090
01:07:09,994 --> 01:07:11,796
What do we need?

1091
01:07:11,895 --> 01:07:13,396
We need drinks.

1092
01:07:15,065 --> 01:07:16,967
We need a lot ofdrinks.

1093
01:07:18,568 --> 01:07:20,504
Garcon.

1094
01:07:26,910 --> 01:07:28,912
You still go to church?

1095
01:07:29,012 --> 01:07:31,147
Every Sunday.

1096
01:07:31,247 --> 01:07:33,649
Does it do anything for you?

1097
01:07:33,716 --> 01:07:36,854
It gives me time to balance
my checkbook everyweek.

1098
01:07:36,953 --> 01:07:40,992
That´s what l´m saying. People don´t
go to church to feel spiritual anymore.

1099
01:07:41,091 --> 01:07:43,327
They go to church and feel bored...

1100
01:07:43,428 --> 01:07:46,830
but they keep going everyweek
just out ofhabit.

1101
01:07:46,896 --> 01:07:49,165
I am so buzzed.

1102
01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:53,737
When doyou think
you lostyour faith?

1103
01:07:53,804 --> 01:07:56,006
I remember the exact moment.

1104
01:07:58,676 --> 01:08:02,380
I was on the phone with my mother...

1105
01:08:02,480 --> 01:08:06,417
and she was trying to counsel me
through this--

1106
01:08:07,584 --> 01:08:09,018
this thing.

1107
01:08:11,121 --> 01:08:15,559
And when nothing she was saying
was making me feel any better...

1108
01:08:15,626 --> 01:08:17,561
she said...

1109
01:08:17,628 --> 01:08:19,530
" Bethany...

1110
01:08:19,597 --> 01:08:21,532
God has a plan.´´

1111
01:08:24,935 --> 01:08:28,606
I was-- I was so angrywith her.

1112
01:08:30,741 --> 01:08:32,309
I was like...

1113
01:08:32,409 --> 01:08:34,345
"What about my plans?"

1114
01:08:34,412 --> 01:08:36,247
- You know?
- Mm-hmm.

1115
01:08:36,346 --> 01:08:39,349
I had planned
to have a family...

1116
01:08:39,449 --> 01:08:41,084
with my husband.

1117
01:08:41,184 --> 01:08:44,121
Wasn´t that plan
good enough for God?

1118
01:08:48,026 --> 01:08:49,961
Apparently not.

1119
01:08:53,263 --> 01:08:57,234
How aboutyou?
How´d you lose your faith?

1120
01:08:58,435 --> 01:09:00,637
A long time ago.

1121
01:09:00,737 --> 01:09:04,208
One day Godjust stopped listening.

1122
01:09:04,308 --> 01:09:08,846
I kept talking, but I got the distinct
impression He wasn´t listening anymore.

1123
01:09:08,947 --> 01:09:12,416
How did you know She was listening
in the first place?

1124
01:09:15,285 --> 01:09:17,220
Well, I guess I don´t.

1125
01:09:17,287 --> 01:09:19,489
I hate thoughts like that.

1126
01:09:20,658 --> 01:09:23,694
But, you know,
they come to you with age.

1127
01:09:23,795 --> 01:09:28,166
´Cause when you´re a kid you never
question the whole faith thing.

1128
01:09:29,700 --> 01:09:32,436
God´s in Heaven, and He´s--

1129
01:09:32,537 --> 01:09:35,974
She´s always got her eye on you.

1130
01:09:40,477 --> 01:09:43,414
I´d give anything
to feel that way again.

1131
01:09:48,519 --> 01:09:51,723
Guess that´s why
I got talked into this pilgrimage.

1132
01:09:59,931 --> 01:10:02,133
Where is this pilgrimage to?

1133
01:10:02,233 --> 01:10:05,403
- You wouldn´t believe me ifl told you.
- Try me.

1134
01:10:05,502 --> 01:10:07,805
All right, but I warned you.

1135
01:10:07,905 --> 01:10:09,573
Okay.

1136
01:10:09,674 --> 01:10:13,244
I´m going to this church
in NewJersey.

1137
01:10:13,344 --> 01:10:15,113
Really.

1138
01:10:15,213 --> 01:10:19,650
Kerwood Mandel to carthree.
Kerwood Mandel to carthree.

1139
01:10:19,717 --> 01:10:23,154
See, l´m supposed to stop
a couple of angels...

1140
01:10:23,253 --> 01:10:25,189
from going into the church.

1141
01:10:27,091 --> 01:10:28,927
They´re trying--

1142
01:10:29,027 --> 01:10:30,462
Shit.

1143
01:10:32,264 --> 01:10:34,699
They´re trying
to get back into Heaven.

1144
01:10:38,069 --> 01:10:40,638
See, they got tossed
out of Heaven...

1145
01:10:40,739 --> 01:10:42,207
years ago, right?

1146
01:10:43,275 --> 01:10:45,443
And ifthey get back in...

1147
01:10:45,543 --> 01:10:47,378
it proves God wrong...

1148
01:10:47,479 --> 01:10:50,615
and since God is infallible...

1149
01:10:50,715 --> 01:10:52,450
to prove Herwrong...

1150
01:10:52,551 --> 01:10:55,787
would, you know, unmake existence.

1151
01:10:57,588 --> 01:10:59,690
May i have your attention, please.

1152
01:10:59,791 --> 01:11:04,029
The diningcar willbe closing
in five minutes. Thank you.

1153
01:11:04,129 --> 01:11:06,731
I feel so stupid...

1154
01:11:06,831 --> 01:11:08,767
just saying it.

1155
01:11:10,235 --> 01:11:12,537
The thing I don´t get is...

1156
01:11:12,636 --> 01:11:15,306
how am I supposed to stop
an angel?

1157
01:11:15,407 --> 01:11:16,841
Two, even!

1158
01:11:21,980 --> 01:11:25,317
I guess l´m supposed to
talk them out ofit or something.

1159
01:11:25,418 --> 01:11:27,520
Maybe you´re supposed to kill them.

1160
01:11:27,620 --> 01:11:30,788
Oh, yeah, right.
Kill them.

1161
01:11:32,156 --> 01:11:36,628
I mean, even ifthat were the case,
which it´s not...

1162
01:11:37,896 --> 01:11:40,900
how doyou kill an angel, Barry?

1163
01:11:41,700 --> 01:11:43,702
Oh...

1164
01:11:43,803 --> 01:11:45,704
I don´t suppose
it´s much different from...

1165
01:11:46,772 --> 01:11:48,207
killing a human.

1166
01:11:49,641 --> 01:11:52,210
Where is everybody?
I wake up and--

1167
01:11:54,179 --> 01:11:56,114
- The apostle.
- Holy shit!

1168
01:11:56,181 --> 01:11:59,184
Rufus, I want you to meet
my new friend Barry.

1169
01:12:02,554 --> 01:12:04,523
Don´t be such a show-off, Barry.

1170
01:12:04,622 --> 01:12:07,359
Take it easy, Bartleby.
Just let her go.

1171
01:12:07,460 --> 01:12:09,695
- We can talk about this.
- Bartleby?

1172
01:12:09,795 --> 01:12:13,365
After all this time, it comes down
to slaughter by a meat puppet?

1173
01:12:13,465 --> 01:12:16,368
Getyour fucking hands offme,
you dickless son of a bitch!

1174
01:12:16,435 --> 01:12:19,337
Save it. Five minutes ago
you were aching to top me off.

1175
01:12:19,404 --> 01:12:20,338
Loki!

1176
01:12:21,406 --> 01:12:22,640
Holy shit. The apostle.

1177
01:12:22,741 --> 01:12:24,810
I didn´t come in you, Pete,
I swear.

1178
01:12:24,910 --> 01:12:26,879
What are you doing here?

1179
01:12:26,979 --> 01:12:28,914
This woman has to stop two angels
from entering a church.

1180
01:12:28,981 --> 01:12:30,917
- Us?
- No, two other fucking angels.

1181
01:12:30,983 --> 01:12:34,621
I´d say there´s a pretty good chance.
Rufus, we´re to be liquidated?

1182
01:12:34,721 --> 01:12:37,488
You haven´t thought about
the consequences of your reentry.

1183
01:12:37,589 --> 01:12:39,257
Consequences, schmonsequences.

1184
01:12:39,357 --> 01:12:42,294
We´re going home,
no matterwhose pride it may hurt.

1185
01:12:42,361 --> 01:12:44,830
- It´s not a matter ofpride!
- Loki, kill the girl.

1186
01:12:44,930 --> 01:12:47,600
What areyou, high? I can´t kill her
ifshe hasn´t done anything.

1187
01:12:47,699 --> 01:12:49,135
Fine.
I´ll kill her myself.

1188
01:12:49,201 --> 01:12:51,504
I fall asleep
and everyone takes off?

1189
01:12:51,604 --> 01:12:54,139
- These guys are fuckin´ flat-leavers.
- Shut his mouth.

1190
01:13:04,217 --> 01:13:05,784
Oh, shit!

1191
01:13:07,252 --> 01:13:08,721
Jay!

1192
01:13:09,888 --> 01:13:11,089
Biggie!

1193
01:13:11,190 --> 01:13:13,659
The door! The door!

1194
01:13:17,463 --> 01:13:19,699
Can´t we talk about this?

1195
01:13:25,204 --> 01:13:28,173
Why don´t I just get off
at the next stop!

1196
01:14:08,180 --> 01:14:09,615
No ticket.

1197
01:14:12,918 --> 01:14:15,588
- The apostle is here.
- I noticed.

1198
01:14:15,689 --> 01:14:19,158
- Then you know who she was, don´tyou?
- The scion, I imagine!

1199
01:14:20,059 --> 01:14:22,061
Maybe we should rethink
this whole thing.

1200
01:14:22,161 --> 01:14:25,332
I mean, you heard the guy.
He said there are consequences.

1201
01:14:25,431 --> 01:14:29,369
And Azrael tells us we´re marked?
There´s more to this than we thought of.

1202
01:14:29,468 --> 01:14:31,471
I was close.

1203
01:14:31,571 --> 01:14:34,707
You know? I was so close
to slitting that bitch´s throat.

1204
01:14:34,808 --> 01:14:35,875
Whoa.

1205
01:14:35,975 --> 01:14:39,212
You know how I felt?
Righteous.

1206
01:14:39,312 --> 01:14:40,880
Justified.
Eager, even.

1207
01:14:40,980 --> 01:14:43,016
You all right?
Your eyes are kinda--

1208
01:14:43,116 --> 01:14:45,218
My eyes are open.

1209
01:14:45,317 --> 01:14:47,253
For the first time I get it.

1210
01:14:47,320 --> 01:14:51,090
When that little innocent girl
let her mission slip, I had an epiphany.

1211
01:14:51,189 --> 01:14:54,926
See, in the beginning it was
just us and Him-- angels and God.

1212
01:14:55,026 --> 01:14:56,761
Then He created humans.

1213
01:14:56,861 --> 01:14:59,865
Ours was designed to be
a life of servitude and worship...

1214
01:14:59,965 --> 01:15:03,202
and bowing and scraping and adoration.

1215
01:15:03,302 --> 01:15:07,741
He gave them more than He ever gave us.
He gave them a choice.

1216
01:15:07,807 --> 01:15:11,076
They choose to acknowledge God
or choose to ignore Him.

1217
01:15:11,175 --> 01:15:13,111
All this time
we´ve been down here...

1218
01:15:13,178 --> 01:15:15,747
I´ve felt the absence
ofthe Divine Presence...

1219
01:15:15,848 --> 01:15:19,118
and it´s pained me,
as l´m sure it must have pained you.

1220
01:15:19,217 --> 01:15:23,156
And why?
Because ofthe way He made us.

1221
01:15:23,255 --> 01:15:26,558
Had we been given free will we could
choose to ignore the pain, like they do.

1222
01:15:26,658 --> 01:15:28,426
But no, we´re servants.

1223
01:15:28,527 --> 01:15:30,530
Okay.

1224
01:15:30,629 --> 01:15:34,132
All l´m saying here is that
one ofus might need a little nap.

1225
01:15:34,233 --> 01:15:38,137
Wake up! These humans have besmirched
everything He´s bestowed upon them.

1226
01:15:38,204 --> 01:15:40,139
Theywere given paradise;
they threw it away.

1227
01:15:40,205 --> 01:15:42,642
Theywere given this planet;
they destroyed it.

1228
01:15:42,709 --> 01:15:45,244
Theywere favored best
among all His endeavors...

1229
01:15:45,343 --> 01:15:48,648
and some of them
don´t even believe He exists!

1230
01:15:48,747 --> 01:15:50,817
And in spite ofit all...

1231
01:15:50,916 --> 01:15:54,620
He has shown them
infinite fucking patience...

1232
01:15:54,721 --> 01:15:56,488
at every turn.

1233
01:15:56,588 --> 01:15:58,090
What about us?

1234
01:15:59,292 --> 01:16:02,227
I asked you once...

1235
01:16:02,293 --> 01:16:05,231
to lay down the sword
because I felt sorry for them.

1236
01:16:05,297 --> 01:16:07,099
What was the result?

1237
01:16:07,199 --> 01:16:09,435
Our expulsion from paradise.

1238
01:16:09,535 --> 01:16:12,105
Where was His
infinite fucking patience then?

1239
01:16:12,205 --> 01:16:15,041
It´s not right!
lt´s not fair!

1240
01:16:15,108 --> 01:16:17,043
We´ve paid our debt!

1241
01:16:18,510 --> 01:16:21,246
Don´tyou think it´s time?

1242
01:16:21,346 --> 01:16:24,216
Don´tyou think it´s time
we went home?

1243
01:16:25,918 --> 01:16:30,857
And to do that, I thinkwe may have to
dispatch our would-be dispatchers.

1244
01:16:30,957 --> 01:16:33,626
Wait. Wait, wait.
Kill them?

1245
01:16:34,760 --> 01:16:37,463
You´re talking about the last scion,
for Christ´s sake.

1246
01:16:37,563 --> 01:16:40,499
And what aboutJay and Bob?
Those guys were all right.

1247
01:16:40,566 --> 01:16:42,101
Don´t.
Don´t, my friend.

1248
01:16:42,201 --> 01:16:45,804
Don´t letyour sympathies
get the best of you.

1249
01:16:45,905 --> 01:16:47,373
They did me once.

1250
01:16:47,473 --> 01:16:49,376
Scion or not...

1251
01:16:49,443 --> 01:16:50,877
she´sjust a human...

1252
01:16:50,944 --> 01:16:54,080
and by passing through that arch
our sins are forgiven.

1253
01:16:54,180 --> 01:16:56,148
No harm, no foul.

1254
01:16:57,350 --> 01:17:00,286
My God.
I´ve heard a rant like this before.

1255
01:17:01,822 --> 01:17:03,188
What did you say?

1256
01:17:03,255 --> 01:17:06,326
- I´ve heard a rant like this before.
- Don´tyou do that to me.

1257
01:17:06,426 --> 01:17:09,428
- You sound like the morning star.
- You shutyour fucking face!

1258
01:17:09,528 --> 01:17:12,598
You sound like Lucifer, man!
You´ve fucking lost it!

1259
01:17:12,698 --> 01:17:15,268
You´re not talking about
going home, Bartleby.

1260
01:17:15,368 --> 01:17:17,904
You´re talking about
fucking war on God.

1261
01:17:19,338 --> 01:17:20,907
Well, fuck that.

1262
01:17:21,008 --> 01:17:25,377
I have seen what happens to the proud
when they take on the Throne.

1263
01:17:26,378 --> 01:17:28,447
I´m going back to Wisconsin.

1264
01:17:29,515 --> 01:17:31,717
We´re going home, Loki...

1265
01:17:31,818 --> 01:17:35,856
and no one, notyou,
not even the Almighty Himself...

1266
01:17:35,955 --> 01:17:37,891
is gonna make that otherwise.

1267
01:17:44,397 --> 01:17:45,832
Shit.

1268
01:17:47,033 --> 01:17:50,637
Why couldn´t we stay on the train?
You threw those guys off.

1269
01:17:50,736 --> 01:17:52,439
Very basic strategy.

1270
01:17:52,538 --> 01:17:55,976
If your enemies know whereyou are,
then don´t be there.

1271
01:17:56,042 --> 01:17:57,144
Why are we enemies?

1272
01:17:57,244 --> 01:18:00,580
Well, I know l´d perceive the person
sent to kill me as an enemy.

1273
01:18:00,680 --> 01:18:04,084
What does that mean? Since when
am I supposed to kill anybody?

1274
01:18:04,150 --> 01:18:07,788
I´m tired
ofall this cryptic bullshit.

1275
01:18:07,888 --> 01:18:10,423
I´m physically and psychologically
exhausted, Rufus...

1276
01:18:10,523 --> 01:18:13,760
and l´m ready to kick back
and welcome the end ofexistence...

1277
01:18:13,861 --> 01:18:16,229
unless you come clean right now.

1278
01:18:16,330 --> 01:18:18,397
Why me?

1279
01:18:18,498 --> 01:18:21,969
Out of all the people
on the goddamn planet, why was I tapped?

1280
01:18:22,068 --> 01:18:25,005
Imagineyou´re a 1 2-year-old boy.

1281
01:18:26,240 --> 01:18:30,244
You´re told you´re God´s only son,
but more than that, you´re God.

1282
01:18:30,344 --> 01:18:33,913
How long do you think it would take to
come to grips with something that huge?

1283
01:18:34,013 --> 01:18:36,649
Maybe, say, 1 8 years?

1284
01:18:36,749 --> 01:18:41,822
In the Bible,Jesus suddenly
goes from age 1 2 to 30. 1 2 to 30.

1285
01:18:41,921 --> 01:18:44,124
Now, that´s some pretty bad
storytelling.

1286
01:18:44,224 --> 01:18:47,161
Where are the volumes of text
dealing with the missing 1 8 years?

1287
01:18:47,227 --> 01:18:48,529
I´ll tell you where.

1288
01:18:48,629 --> 01:18:53,333
They were offered up as a sacrifice
to the god of ecumenical politics.

1289
01:18:53,433 --> 01:18:56,436
You make it sound like
there´s some church conspiracy...

1290
01:18:56,536 --> 01:18:59,272
to cover up
"the truth about Christ."

1291
01:19:01,642 --> 01:19:03,076
Oh, bullshit.

1292
01:19:03,143 --> 01:19:05,113
Any important material
about Christ...

1293
01:19:05,212 --> 01:19:07,780
would give people a better understanding
of the nature ofGod.

1294
01:19:07,881 --> 01:19:11,885
- Why would they leave any ofit out?
- Because it´s tied in with His family.

1295
01:19:11,985 --> 01:19:14,989
- His mother and father.
- His brothers and sisters.

1296
01:19:15,088 --> 01:19:19,326
Jesus didn´t have brothers and sisters.
Mary was a virgin.

1297
01:19:19,426 --> 01:19:23,798
Mary gave birth to Christ without having
known a man´s touch. This is true.

1298
01:19:23,865 --> 01:19:25,798
But she did have a husband.

1299
01:19:25,865 --> 01:19:29,536
Doyou really think he would´ve stayed
married to her for all those years...

1300
01:19:29,636 --> 01:19:31,205
ifhe wasn´t gettin´ laid?

1301
01:19:31,304 --> 01:19:34,742
The nature of God and the Virgin Birth,
those are leaps of faith.

1302
01:19:34,809 --> 01:19:39,045
But to believe a married couple never
got down, that´s just plain gullibility.

1303
01:19:39,146 --> 01:19:40,247
Meaning?

1304
01:19:40,347 --> 01:19:42,282
The blood that flows
through your veins...

1305
01:19:42,348 --> 01:19:45,018
shares a chromosome or two
at the genetic level...

1306
01:19:45,118 --> 01:19:46,853
with the oneyou calI Jesus.

1307
01:19:47,954 --> 01:19:49,857
Bethany, you are...

1308
01:19:49,923 --> 01:19:54,929
the great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-grandniece...

1309
01:19:55,029 --> 01:19:56,965
of Jesus Christ.

1310
01:20:00,833 --> 01:20:04,838
So, that would make Bethany
part black?

1311
01:20:09,577 --> 01:20:11,512
I can´t do this anymore.

1312
01:20:16,650 --> 01:20:19,921
Whereyou gonna go?
You know what l´m saying is right.

1313
01:20:20,020 --> 01:20:21,789
- It´s bullshit.
- Bethany.

1314
01:20:21,889 --> 01:20:23,457
It´s bullshit!

1315
01:20:27,161 --> 01:20:29,497
Let her go, man.

1316
01:20:29,596 --> 01:20:31,065
Give her time.

1317
01:20:38,405 --> 01:20:40,408
Why?

1318
01:20:40,508 --> 01:20:43,445
What the fuck do You want from me?

1319
01:20:43,512 --> 01:20:45,913
I fucking hate You!

1320
01:20:46,848 --> 01:20:48,482
I hate You.

1321
01:20:48,583 --> 01:20:50,818
He can´t hear you, you know.

1322
01:20:56,590 --> 01:20:58,626
That´s whywe needed you.

1323
01:20:58,726 --> 01:21:00,995
Why didn´tyou tell me?

1324
01:21:01,096 --> 01:21:02,230
Would you--

1325
01:21:03,331 --> 01:21:05,601
Could you have believed me?

1326
01:21:06,401 --> 01:21:08,902
It was something
you had to come to gradually.

1327
01:21:09,836 --> 01:21:12,106
Only after everything you´ve seen...

1328
01:21:13,274 --> 01:21:14,342
everything you´ve heard...

1329
01:21:16,377 --> 01:21:19,447
could you possibly be able
to accept the truth.

1330
01:21:19,547 --> 01:21:21,516
I don´t want this.

1331
01:21:24,786 --> 01:21:26,821
It´s too big.

1332
01:21:26,921 --> 01:21:28,589
That´s what Jesus said.

1333
01:21:30,791 --> 01:21:32,726
I had to tell Him.

1334
01:21:35,930 --> 01:21:38,933
You can imagine
how that hurt the Father...

1335
01:21:40,034 --> 01:21:42,336
not to be able
to tell the Son Himself...

1336
01:21:42,437 --> 01:21:45,407
because one word from His lips would
destroy the boy´s frail human form.

1337
01:21:45,506 --> 01:21:48,843
So I had to deliver the news
to a scared child...

1338
01:21:48,943 --> 01:21:51,146
who wanted nothing more
than to playwith other children.

1339
01:21:51,246 --> 01:21:55,350
I had to tell this little boy
that He was God´s only son...

1340
01:21:55,449 --> 01:21:58,385
and it meant a life ofpersecution
and eventual crucifixion...

1341
01:21:58,452 --> 01:22:01,656
at the hands of the very people
He´d come to enlighten and redeem.

1342
01:22:03,891 --> 01:22:06,027
He begged me to take it all back.

1343
01:22:07,462 --> 01:22:09,031
As if i could.

1344
01:22:10,766 --> 01:22:13,535
He begged me to
"make it all not true."

1345
01:22:13,636 --> 01:22:18,038
I´ll let you in on something, Bethany,
something l´ve never told anyone before.

1346
01:22:19,507 --> 01:22:21,442
Ifl had the power...

1347
01:22:22,911 --> 01:22:24,345
I would have.

1348
01:22:25,080 --> 01:22:26,248
It´s unfair.

1349
01:22:26,348 --> 01:22:29,985
It´s unfair to ask a child
to shoulder that responsibility...

1350
01:22:30,085 --> 01:22:32,353
and to ask you to do the same now.

1351
01:22:32,453 --> 01:22:34,155
I sympathize. I do.

1352
01:22:34,255 --> 01:22:36,691
I wish I could take it all back.

1353
01:22:39,160 --> 01:22:40,729
But I can´t.

1354
01:22:43,632 --> 01:22:45,067
This...

1355
01:22:46,301 --> 01:22:48,370
is whoyou are.

1356
01:22:50,305 --> 01:22:52,875
Everything I am has been a lie?

1357
01:22:56,946 --> 01:23:01,516
Knowing whatyou now know
doesn´t mean you´re not who you were.

1358
01:23:01,616 --> 01:23:02,718
You are...

1359
01:23:02,818 --> 01:23:04,386
Bethany Sloane.

1360
01:23:04,486 --> 01:23:07,422
No one can take that away from you,
not even God.

1361
01:23:09,290 --> 01:23:13,995
All this means is
a redefinition ofthat identity.

1362
01:23:14,096 --> 01:23:17,699
The incorporation ofthis new data
into whoyou are.

1363
01:23:17,800 --> 01:23:19,969
Be whoyou´ve always been.

1364
01:23:21,070 --> 01:23:22,204
Just...

1365
01:23:23,170 --> 01:23:24,772
be this as well...

1366
01:23:26,541 --> 01:23:29,043
from time to time.

1367
01:23:32,648 --> 01:23:35,584
Guess this means
no more cheating on my taxes.

1368
01:23:35,651 --> 01:23:37,886
To say the least.

1369
01:23:46,060 --> 01:23:48,596
Do you mind if we ad journ
to somewhere...

1370
01:23:48,697 --> 01:23:51,300
a tad more habitable...

1371
01:23:51,400 --> 01:23:52,969
and a bit warmer?

1372
01:24:07,849 --> 01:24:10,519
Fuck, I think this shit
just kicked in.

1373
01:24:10,619 --> 01:24:13,489
Weren´t wejust in the woods?
What are we doing here now?

1374
01:24:13,556 --> 01:24:15,523
Going out in style.

1375
01:24:15,624 --> 01:24:18,193
- The voice.
- The apostle.

1376
01:24:18,293 --> 01:24:20,095
Now, who´s this motherfucker?

1377
01:24:20,196 --> 01:24:22,365
The voice of God.
Show some respect.

1378
01:24:22,465 --> 01:24:24,901
Oh, the voice ofGod.
Where´s the rest of Him?

1379
01:24:24,968 --> 01:24:27,203
Funny you should mention that.
We´re not sure.

1380
01:24:27,303 --> 01:24:30,039
- What?
- Didn´t it ever occur to you...

1381
01:24:30,139 --> 01:24:34,142
that this Bartleby-Loki situation was
well within the sphere of His control?

1382
01:24:34,243 --> 01:24:35,978
Yes, but then whywas she tapped?

1383
01:24:36,078 --> 01:24:40,049
You know those constitutionals
that He likes to take?

1384
01:24:40,149 --> 01:24:41,383
"Constitutionals"?

1385
01:24:41,484 --> 01:24:43,953
I think we´re beyond euphemisms
at this point.

1386
01:24:44,053 --> 01:24:45,989
God´s a skeeball fanatic.

1387
01:24:47,256 --> 01:24:50,292
The Lord has quite a fancy for the game.
He´s been playing it foryears.

1388
01:24:50,392 --> 01:24:52,393
He assumes a human form once a month
and indulges.

1389
01:24:52,494 --> 01:24:55,998
Doesn´t tell anyone where He´s playing.
Hejust goes away for a couple of hours.

1390
01:24:56,098 --> 01:24:59,702
And He always gives His free points away
to neighbor hood children.

1391
01:24:59,802 --> 01:25:01,237
Isn´t that sweet?

1392
01:25:01,304 --> 01:25:04,874
But She hasn´t come back
from one ofthese day trips?

1393
01:25:04,974 --> 01:25:07,343
No, "She" hasn´t...

1394
01:25:07,443 --> 01:25:10,246
and we´ve been unable to locate " Her."

1395
01:25:10,346 --> 01:25:13,649
He could´ve been killed.
Human form does have that drawback.

1396
01:25:13,748 --> 01:25:17,620
No, there´s a different sort
of foul play a foot, children.

1397
01:25:18,755 --> 01:25:22,225
Whomever has set the renegade angels
on their path...

1398
01:25:22,324 --> 01:25:24,761
and is keeping them
quite well hidden...

1399
01:25:24,826 --> 01:25:27,796
is also responsible
for the Lord´s whereabouts.

1400
01:25:27,897 --> 01:25:30,133
Were He to be killed in human form...

1401
01:25:30,233 --> 01:25:32,870
He´d have returned
immediately to Heaven.

1402
01:25:32,969 --> 01:25:34,937
Someone knew enough...

1403
01:25:35,037 --> 01:25:37,140
to keep Him biologically alive...

1404
01:25:37,240 --> 01:25:40,209
but incapacitate Him
in another fashion.

1405
01:25:40,275 --> 01:25:43,012
And as omnipotent as we are above...

1406
01:25:43,112 --> 01:25:46,548
I have to admit that we´re
more or less lost without His presence.

1407
01:25:46,649 --> 01:25:48,585
We´ve looked everywhere for Him.

1408
01:25:48,652 --> 01:25:53,490
I tapped her because I thought we´d be
able to smoke out whoever´s behind this.

1409
01:25:53,590 --> 01:25:56,859
But whoever he is has been clever enough
to send some lackeys afteryou...

1410
01:25:56,959 --> 01:25:59,028
as opposed to showing up
themselves.

1411
01:25:59,127 --> 01:26:00,863
Could it be Lucifer?

1412
01:26:00,963 --> 01:26:02,331
Not Lucifer.

1413
01:26:02,431 --> 01:26:05,935
If he was, he´d have made
his move by now to conquer Heaven.

1414
01:26:06,036 --> 01:26:08,972
And I know he´s not responsible
for Bartleby and Loki...

1415
01:26:09,038 --> 01:26:12,242
because he´s hadjust as much to lose
by their return as anybody else.

1416
01:26:12,342 --> 01:26:13,809
What do we do now?

1417
01:26:13,876 --> 01:26:16,713
I say we get drunk,
´cause l´m all out of ideas.

1418
01:26:16,813 --> 01:26:19,782
Why don´t wejust ask this guy
to close the church?

1419
01:26:19,848 --> 01:26:21,650
I beg your pardon?

1420
01:26:21,751 --> 01:26:23,686
The guy in charge
ofthe church thing.

1421
01:26:26,523 --> 01:26:28,425
Cardinal Glick?

1422
01:26:28,492 --> 01:26:30,626
Maybe we can ask him
to shut down the church.

1423
01:26:30,727 --> 01:26:34,064
Ifit´s closed that day, those guys
can´t get blessed or whatever, right?

1424
01:26:34,163 --> 01:26:35,432
Good Lord.

1425
01:26:35,532 --> 01:26:37,567
The little stoner´s got a point.

1426
01:26:37,668 --> 01:26:42,238
Maybe we could talk this guy Glick into
cancelling the rededication ceremony.

1427
01:26:42,338 --> 01:26:44,341
"We"?

1428
01:26:44,440 --> 01:26:47,510
Are you saying you´re back in,
Ms. I-Don´t-Think-l-Can-Do-This-Anymore?

1429
01:26:51,847 --> 01:26:55,151
I wouldn´t want to let the family down,
now would l?

1430
01:26:58,054 --> 01:26:58,989
Well...

1431
01:27:00,224 --> 01:27:04,027
the prophets finally
live up to their titles.

1432
01:27:04,127 --> 01:27:07,262
Mass attendance is at
an all-time low in this country...

1433
01:27:07,363 --> 01:27:11,835
but if we can let ´em know the
Catholic Church has a little panache...

1434
01:27:11,935 --> 01:27:14,972
we can win ´em back,
even get some new ones.

1435
01:27:15,071 --> 01:27:16,640
Excuse me.

1436
01:27:18,708 --> 01:27:20,311
Fill them pews, people.

1437
01:27:20,411 --> 01:27:23,347
That´s the key.
Grab the little ones as well.

1438
01:27:23,413 --> 01:27:25,883
Hook ´em while they´reyoung.

1439
01:27:25,983 --> 01:27:30,119
- Kinda like the tobacco industry.
- Christ, if only we had their numbers.

1440
01:27:30,219 --> 01:27:33,323
We really appreciate you seeing us
this late in the day, Your Eminence.

1441
01:27:33,423 --> 01:27:36,994
My friends and I have been traveling
all night in hope of talking to you...

1442
01:27:37,094 --> 01:27:39,563
about the St. Michael´s
rededication ceremony.

1443
01:27:39,663 --> 01:27:42,132
You looking to help out in some way?

1444
01:27:42,232 --> 01:27:45,002
We´d likeyou to cancel the ceremony.

1445
01:27:46,103 --> 01:27:47,705
I beg your pardon.

1446
01:27:47,804 --> 01:27:51,809
There´s gonna be a world of trouble if
tomorrow´s ceremony goes on as planned.

1447
01:27:52,910 --> 01:27:55,712
Areyou pro-choice?

1448
01:27:55,812 --> 01:27:57,380
The trouble´s not from us.

1449
01:27:57,480 --> 01:28:00,817
It´s from these renegade angels that´ve
been stuck on Earth since the plagues.

1450
01:28:03,587 --> 01:28:06,090
These guys,
they think they´re renegade angels.

1451
01:28:06,190 --> 01:28:08,359
See, Padre, it goes down like this.

1452
01:28:08,459 --> 01:28:13,163
These guys think that by passing through
that archway, they can go to Heaven.

1453
01:28:13,262 --> 01:28:16,867
You want me to call offthe ceremony
for that.

1454
01:28:17,968 --> 01:28:19,069
Who sentyou?

1455
01:28:21,171 --> 01:28:24,208
We were sent
by Him who is called I Am!

1456
01:28:24,308 --> 01:28:26,877
Cute. Really cute.

1457
01:28:26,977 --> 01:28:29,347
Playtime with the cardinal is over.

1458
01:28:29,447 --> 01:28:32,049
- Worked for Moses.
- Stay out ofthis.

1459
01:28:32,149 --> 01:28:33,750
It´s not ajoke.

1460
01:28:33,850 --> 01:28:36,920
I´m telling you, man,
this ceremony´s a big mistake.

1461
01:28:37,020 --> 01:28:39,990
The Catholic Church
does not make mistakes.

1462
01:28:40,057 --> 01:28:42,994
Please! What about the Church´s
silent consent ofthe slave trade?

1463
01:28:43,061 --> 01:28:45,597
And its platform ofnoninvolvement
during the Holocaust?

1464
01:28:45,696 --> 01:28:48,132
All right, mistakes were made.

1465
01:28:48,199 --> 01:28:51,268
But one can hardly hold the current
incarnation of Holy Mother Church...

1466
01:28:51,368 --> 01:28:53,371
responsible for the oversights ofold.

1467
01:28:53,470 --> 01:28:57,207
I´m a very important man with important
matters that demand my attention...

1468
01:28:57,307 --> 01:28:58,776
so if you please--

1469
01:28:58,876 --> 01:29:01,612
- But tomorrow--
- Tomorrow goes off without a hitch.

1470
01:29:01,712 --> 01:29:03,047
Do I make myself clear?

1471
01:29:03,147 --> 01:29:07,784
Neitheryou nor any other influence
short ofthe hand of God Himself...

1472
01:29:07,885 --> 01:29:10,821
is gonna keep this thing
from going off without a hitch.

1473
01:29:31,809 --> 01:29:33,812
I can see the headlines now...

1474
01:29:33,912 --> 01:29:35,847
ifthere were gonna be any.

1475
01:29:35,914 --> 01:29:37,516
" Existence Erased."

1476
01:29:37,616 --> 01:29:39,818
Don´t worry about it.
We evened the score.

1477
01:29:39,917 --> 01:29:42,252
Hand it over, Silent Bob.

1478
01:29:44,788 --> 01:29:45,923
What up.

1479
01:29:46,023 --> 01:29:48,259
You stole the cardinal´s driver?

1480
01:29:48,359 --> 01:29:50,495
That´s what he gets
for messin´ with our girlfriend.

1481
01:29:50,594 --> 01:29:52,330
Cross-dressin´ fuck.

1482
01:29:52,430 --> 01:29:54,865
That´s sort of sweet.
Thanks, guys.

1483
01:29:56,634 --> 01:29:59,570
What do we do now
about Bartleby and Loki?

1484
01:29:59,637 --> 01:30:02,806
I guess we´re gonna
have to try and kill ´em.

1485
01:30:02,907 --> 01:30:05,009
- You said they couldn´t be killed.
- Correction.

1486
01:30:06,644 --> 01:30:09,346
Theywon´t be killed.

1487
01:30:09,447 --> 01:30:12,483
Andjust to ensure that,
we´re all gonna sit tight...

1488
01:30:12,583 --> 01:30:13,817
right here...

1489
01:30:13,918 --> 01:30:16,955
until those two idiots
pass through that arch.

1490
01:30:18,089 --> 01:30:20,124
There´s only one idiot here,
Azrael...

1491
01:30:23,461 --> 01:30:25,596
and l´m looking right at him.

1492
01:30:25,696 --> 01:30:27,198
Muse!

1493
01:30:28,566 --> 01:30:31,669
Just in time to join us
for a drink.

1494
01:30:33,171 --> 01:30:34,238
Hey.
Where´d you come from?

1495
01:30:36,107 --> 01:30:38,043
- Where´d you come from?
- Me?

1496
01:30:38,109 --> 01:30:39,611
Nothingness.

1497
01:30:39,711 --> 01:30:43,415
And that´s where l´m returning to
in approximately, oh, one hour.

1498
01:30:43,515 --> 01:30:47,050
All right, Plato,
sounds like you´ve had enough already.

1499
01:30:47,151 --> 01:30:49,620
- Let´s go.
- Oh, darn it!

1500
01:30:49,720 --> 01:30:53,357
Come on, barkeep,just one drink.
One for the road, then l´m gone?

1501
01:30:53,458 --> 01:30:56,561
I was trying to find you to tell you
I figured out who was behind all this.

1502
01:30:56,661 --> 01:30:58,396
Is that who I think it is?

1503
01:30:58,496 --> 01:30:59,765
- None other than.
- Who is he?

1504
01:30:59,864 --> 01:31:02,601
All right, one drink.
Then you´re gone.

1505
01:31:02,701 --> 01:31:04,836
Give me a...

1506
01:31:04,936 --> 01:31:07,405
Holy Bartender.

1507
01:31:07,472 --> 01:31:09,374
Never heard ofit.

1508
01:31:09,440 --> 01:31:13,278
He doesn´t know how to make
a Holy Bartender.

1509
01:31:13,378 --> 01:31:15,313
You do, don´tyou, Muse?

1510
01:31:15,380 --> 01:31:16,415
Don´t.

1511
01:31:17,549 --> 01:31:18,683
Anybody?

1512
01:31:18,784 --> 01:31:20,251
No?

1513
01:31:20,351 --> 01:31:23,855
Well, I know how to make
a Holy Bartender.

1514
01:31:32,464 --> 01:31:33,531
Get it?

1515
01:31:33,632 --> 01:31:35,868
Sweet Jesus, Azrael!
Why?

1516
01:31:35,967 --> 01:31:39,470
Come on, Demon! Try that shit
on somebody who´s already dead!

1517
01:31:39,571 --> 01:31:43,007
Oh, Apostle, you maintain
that kind of an attitude...

1518
01:31:43,074 --> 01:31:46,078
and you and the barkeep won´t be
the only corpses in the room.

1519
01:31:46,178 --> 01:31:48,313
The Christ bitch will join you.

1520
01:31:48,414 --> 01:31:51,550
Areyou really that stupid?

1521
01:31:51,651 --> 01:31:55,152
You do know what´s gonna happen
if those two jerks enter that church.

1522
01:31:55,252 --> 01:31:57,589
I´m actually counting on it.

1523
01:31:58,856 --> 01:32:00,993
And if my calculations
are correct...

1524
01:32:01,092 --> 01:32:03,795
the pawns are moving into checkmate
as we speak.

1525
01:32:08,800 --> 01:32:12,304
" Holy Bartender." I get it.
That´s a great one!

1526
01:32:12,404 --> 01:32:16,607
I´d also like to acknowledge this great
state´s governor, Elizabeth Dalton...

1527
01:32:16,708 --> 01:32:18,476
for coming this morning.

1528
01:32:18,577 --> 01:32:21,513
She´s a Protestant, but we´re
not gonna hold that against her.

1529
01:32:23,181 --> 01:32:27,854
Now, let mejust tell you a little bit
ofhistory about this particular...

1530
01:32:27,953 --> 01:32:30,588
hundred-years-young house ofGod.

1531
01:32:30,689 --> 01:32:31,957
God´s house?

1532
01:32:33,359 --> 01:32:36,061
God doesn´t live here anymore.

1533
01:32:36,161 --> 01:32:38,931
He´s grown weary
ofyour superficial faith.

1534
01:32:39,030 --> 01:32:41,967
He´s turned a deafear
toyour lip-service prayers.

1535
01:32:42,034 --> 01:32:45,336
- He has abandoned you, his favorites...
- Sorry.

1536
01:32:45,437 --> 01:32:47,372
to the whim ofjudgment.

1537
01:32:47,439 --> 01:32:49,942
Hypocrites, charlatans...

1538
01:32:51,643 --> 01:32:54,246
prepare to taste God´s wrath.

1539
01:32:54,347 --> 01:32:57,283
-Maybe we shouldjust leave.
-You wanted your body count. You got it.

1540
01:32:57,350 --> 01:32:59,953
This lot is rife with sin.
We´ll judge them all.

1541
01:33:00,052 --> 01:33:01,286
Officer McGhee.

1542
01:33:02,121 --> 01:33:03,855
All right, mouthpiece...

1543
01:33:03,955 --> 01:33:06,725
Iet´s leave the nice cardinal alone
and go for a ride.

1544
01:33:06,825 --> 01:33:09,195
Mr. McGhee, don´t make me angry.

1545
01:33:09,294 --> 01:33:11,230
You wouldn´t like me when l´m angry.

1546
01:33:11,297 --> 01:33:13,132
Is that so?

1547
01:33:17,437 --> 01:33:19,170
Ladies and gentlemen...

1548
01:33:19,271 --> 01:33:24,742
you have been judged as guilty of
violations against our Almighty God...

1549
01:33:24,843 --> 01:33:27,213
and this very day...

1550
01:33:27,312 --> 01:33:31,050
I assure you you will all
pay for your trespasses...

1551
01:33:31,150 --> 01:33:32,885
in blood.

1552
01:33:32,985 --> 01:33:35,255
- Wings. Now.
- I´m feeling a little exposed here.

1553
01:33:35,355 --> 01:33:36,388
Do it!

1554
01:33:37,622 --> 01:33:40,326
- So he´s a muse too?
- Former muse.

1555
01:33:42,027 --> 01:33:45,397
He was kicked out.

1556
01:33:45,497 --> 01:33:47,966
Ever the fucking apple polisher.

1557
01:33:48,033 --> 01:33:49,101
Then what happened?

1558
01:33:49,201 --> 01:33:51,337
Yes, what?

1559
01:33:51,437 --> 01:33:55,374
Well, Luciferjust had to start
his little war for the throne.

1560
01:33:55,474 --> 01:33:58,010
Heaven became divided
into two factions--

1561
01:33:58,110 --> 01:34:00,279
the faithful and the renegades.

1562
01:34:00,380 --> 01:34:03,182
Oh, the Ethereal Plains
were chaotic with battle.

1563
01:34:03,283 --> 01:34:06,052
Angel against angel.

1564
01:34:06,152 --> 01:34:09,589
And when it was all over,
God cast the rebels into perdition.

1565
01:34:09,656 --> 01:34:11,556
But Azrael refused to fight.

1566
01:34:11,623 --> 01:34:15,094
He remained in the middle,
waiting to see who came out victorious.

1567
01:34:15,193 --> 01:34:17,263
What areyou,
some kind offuckin´ chicken?

1568
01:34:17,363 --> 01:34:18,631
No.

1569
01:34:18,731 --> 01:34:20,567
I was an artist...

1570
01:34:20,667 --> 01:34:22,769
stupid!

1571
01:34:22,869 --> 01:34:24,504
I was inspiration!

1572
01:34:24,604 --> 01:34:27,073
A muse has no place in battle.

1573
01:34:27,174 --> 01:34:29,875
So after the fallen
were banished to Hell...

1574
01:34:29,974 --> 01:34:31,910
God turned on those
that wouldn´t fight...

1575
01:34:31,977 --> 01:34:34,313
and Azrael was sent down
with the demons...

1576
01:34:34,413 --> 01:34:37,183
something he considers
a great injustice.

1577
01:34:37,283 --> 01:34:39,419
Oh, come on.

1578
01:34:39,518 --> 01:34:42,555
Don´t tell meyou never questioned
the judgment, Serendipity.

1579
01:34:42,656 --> 01:34:45,391
No.
It never bothered me.

1580
01:34:45,491 --> 01:34:47,493
Soyou were an artist.

1581
01:34:47,594 --> 01:34:49,329
Big deal!

1582
01:34:49,429 --> 01:34:51,464
Elvis was an artist...

1583
01:34:51,565 --> 01:34:54,901
but that didn´t stop him from
joining the service in time ofwar.

1584
01:34:55,000 --> 01:34:56,936
That´s why he is the king...

1585
01:34:57,003 --> 01:34:58,939
and you´re a schmuck.

1586
01:34:59,005 --> 01:35:00,140
Nice.

1587
01:35:00,240 --> 01:35:02,141
So all this is about revenge.

1588
01:35:02,208 --> 01:35:05,178
You´re gonna unmake existence
because you have a grudge against God?

1589
01:35:05,278 --> 01:35:09,015
After the first million years?
No.

1590
01:35:09,115 --> 01:35:12,920
Escape from Hell
became my all-consuming reason.

1591
01:35:13,020 --> 01:35:17,490
So I studied the religions and waited
for my opportunity to present itself...

1592
01:35:17,590 --> 01:35:19,091
which it finally did...

1593
01:35:19,191 --> 01:35:21,161
in Catholicism.

1594
01:35:21,226 --> 01:35:22,461
Plenary indulgence.

1595
01:35:22,562 --> 01:35:24,464
But I couldn´t exercise it.

1596
01:35:24,530 --> 01:35:27,000
Demons can´t become human.

1597
01:35:27,066 --> 01:35:29,203
No, we can´t transubstantiate.

1598
01:35:30,704 --> 01:35:32,173
But angels can.

1599
01:35:33,407 --> 01:35:34,709
Bartleby and Loki.

1600
01:35:36,442 --> 01:35:39,445
After that it was a simple matter
of waiting for a church...

1601
01:35:39,545 --> 01:35:41,314
to celebrate their centennial...

1602
01:35:41,414 --> 01:35:47,020
and when that finally happened I sent
the pair an article laced with ideas.

1603
01:35:47,120 --> 01:35:49,056
An incantation
I picked up in the pit...

1604
01:35:49,123 --> 01:35:51,225
kept them cloaked
and off Heaven´s radars.

1605
01:35:51,325 --> 01:35:54,460
And aside from the triplets here
and the Golgothan...

1606
01:35:54,561 --> 01:35:58,332
no soul in Hell had a clue
as to what was going on.

1607
01:35:58,431 --> 01:36:01,400
But the Almighty
could still putsch the whole deal...

1608
01:36:01,501 --> 01:36:04,971
so I dispatched Him
in a fairly ingenious fashion.

1609
01:36:05,070 --> 01:36:07,507
Her. And how?

1610
01:36:07,574 --> 01:36:10,142
That´s the only thing
I couldn´t figure out.

1611
01:36:10,241 --> 01:36:13,178
Oh, no, l´ve seen
way too many Bond movies to know...

1612
01:36:13,245 --> 01:36:16,182
thatyou never reveal
all the details ofyour plan...

1613
01:36:16,248 --> 01:36:19,686
no matter how close
you may think you are to winning.

1614
01:36:19,753 --> 01:36:22,922
The only "X" factor was the involvement
of the last scion here.

1615
01:36:24,290 --> 01:36:28,360
But fat lot ofgood that did, right?
I mean, hereyou all are.

1616
01:36:31,163 --> 01:36:34,300
Powerless to stop the inevitable.

1617
01:36:34,400 --> 01:36:38,505
Look, asshole, I don´t know
if anyone explained the rules toyou...

1618
01:36:38,604 --> 01:36:42,476
but if you succeed everything gets
blinked out ofexistence, even you.

1619
01:36:42,576 --> 01:36:45,544
Human, haveyou ever been to Hell?

1620
01:36:45,610 --> 01:36:47,780
I think not.

1621
01:36:47,879 --> 01:36:50,115
I´d rather not exist
than go back to that.

1622
01:36:50,216 --> 01:36:54,520
And if everyone has to
go down with me, so be it.

1623
01:36:54,620 --> 01:36:57,123
Still thinking only aboutyourself...

1624
01:36:57,223 --> 01:36:59,159
you fucking child!

1625
01:36:59,225 --> 01:37:01,294
Now, now, now.

1626
01:37:02,194 --> 01:37:05,198
Things are getting
too intense in here.

1627
01:37:05,298 --> 01:37:07,833
Hey! What say
we watch a little TV?

1628
01:37:07,933 --> 01:37:09,902
Yo, put on channel 9.
Davey and Goliath.

1629
01:37:11,304 --> 01:37:15,709
Actually, I was thinking
more along the lines of current events.

1630
01:37:15,776 --> 01:37:18,177
Keeprolling!Keeprolling!

1631
01:37:18,277 --> 01:37:21,113
I repeat,
men withhuge fucking wings...

1632
01:37:21,214 --> 01:37:23,349
have laid waste toSt. Michael´s!

1633
01:37:23,450 --> 01:37:25,785
Bullets don´t seem to affect them!

1634
01:37:26,619 --> 01:37:29,555
The remainder of the crowd
have dropped to theirknees...

1635
01:37:29,622 --> 01:37:31,958
identifying this
as the fable da pocalypse.

1636
01:37:32,058 --> 01:37:34,894
Now, l´m notaman of faith,
butl´m inclined to agree.

1637
01:37:34,993 --> 01:37:39,165
Oh, God, please, don´t come any closer!
God, no!

1638
01:37:47,274 --> 01:37:50,476
You see that?
And I told them to keep a low profile.

1639
01:37:50,576 --> 01:37:54,146
I´d be pissed, but in a couple minutes
it´s not going to matter anyway.

1640
01:37:58,317 --> 01:37:59,318
Oh?

1641
01:38:00,820 --> 01:38:03,223
Oh, now what was that
all about?

1642
01:38:03,323 --> 01:38:04,925
What?

1643
01:38:05,025 --> 01:38:07,494
Oh, nothing.

1644
01:38:07,594 --> 01:38:09,729
I had something in my eye.

1645
01:38:09,829 --> 01:38:12,564
Now who´s the fucking child?

1646
01:38:13,766 --> 01:38:16,936
What did you tell him,
to hit me with the golfclub?

1647
01:38:17,637 --> 01:38:21,274
Areyou serious? l´m a fucking demon.
You´d have him assault me with a putter?

1648
01:38:22,342 --> 01:38:24,411
You want to play?
Then we´ll play.

1649
01:38:24,511 --> 01:38:26,279
One side, Red.

1650
01:38:27,046 --> 01:38:28,715
Go ahead, then.
Pick it up.

1651
01:38:28,815 --> 01:38:29,949
Call it a gift.

1652
01:38:31,451 --> 01:38:33,420
Come on.

1653
01:38:33,521 --> 01:38:34,921
That´s it.

1654
01:38:36,490 --> 01:38:38,057
Take a shot.

1655
01:38:38,158 --> 01:38:41,728
Take your best fucking shot.

1656
01:38:43,229 --> 01:38:45,598
Seriously. I´m not kidding.
Take it. Come on.

1657
01:38:46,800 --> 01:38:48,735
Come on, bright boy.

1658
01:38:56,577 --> 01:38:59,313
Don´tyou know anything?

1659
01:39:14,829 --> 01:39:16,764
Bethany, bless the sink!

1660
01:39:16,831 --> 01:39:18,665
- What?
-Just do it!

1661
01:39:18,766 --> 01:39:20,734
Bless the sink, damn it!

1662
01:39:45,025 --> 01:39:47,194
That´s whatyou get,
motherfucker.

1663
01:39:49,764 --> 01:39:51,932
But l´m a fucking demon.

1664
01:39:59,273 --> 01:40:00,508
Whatjust happened?

1665
01:40:00,607 --> 01:40:03,244
He said it himself:
"l´m a fucking demon."

1666
01:40:03,344 --> 01:40:07,681
Hit a demon with an instrument ofGod,
the pure side so it´ll do some damage.

1667
01:40:07,782 --> 01:40:09,816
Silent Bob´s an instrument ofGod?

1668
01:40:09,916 --> 01:40:13,853
No, but Glick´s the kind of asshole
who´d bless his clubs for a better game.

1669
01:40:13,920 --> 01:40:16,957
- But the sink?
- You´ve got the divine heritage.

1670
01:40:17,058 --> 01:40:19,294
Sanctifying isjust
one ofthe fringe benefits.

1671
01:40:19,393 --> 01:40:21,830
Remind me to try the water-to-wine thing
at my next party.

1672
01:40:21,897 --> 01:40:25,065
- How far away is this church?
- Three towns over, about ten miles.

1673
01:40:25,166 --> 01:40:27,099
- Rufus, grab the gun.
- Ten steps ahead ofyou.

1674
01:40:27,166 --> 01:40:29,369
Take the bartender´s car.
He won´t need it.

1675
01:40:29,469 --> 01:40:32,672
The whole fucking world´s against us,
dude, I swear to God.

1676
01:40:44,518 --> 01:40:46,187
Oh, my God.

1677
01:40:59,000 --> 01:41:01,702
And people wonderwhy
I don´t go to church anymore.

1678
01:41:01,802 --> 01:41:03,037
Are we too late?

1679
01:41:03,137 --> 01:41:05,707
To save these poor schmucks?

1680
01:41:07,509 --> 01:41:08,576
Yeah.

1681
01:41:08,677 --> 01:41:11,312
But we still exist.

1682
01:41:11,411 --> 01:41:13,213
Where are they?

1683
01:41:13,314 --> 01:41:15,783
They could already be
in the church.

1684
01:41:15,883 --> 01:41:17,952
Which means ifthey come out,
nobody touches them.

1685
01:41:18,051 --> 01:41:19,453
Areyou shitting me?

1686
01:41:19,553 --> 01:41:23,557
The brother here is gonna shred ´em with
his angel-be-good special. Huh, homey?

1687
01:41:23,658 --> 01:41:25,593
If they pass through that arch,
they come out clean.

1688
01:41:25,660 --> 01:41:27,762
And if they die,
they go straight up.

1689
01:41:27,863 --> 01:41:30,265
And hello!
We know what happens then, right?

1690
01:41:30,365 --> 01:41:32,734
- Why don´t theyjust kill themselves?
- It´s a mortal sin.

1691
01:41:32,833 --> 01:41:35,636
Die with a mortal sin on your soul and
you burn. They don´t want to go to hell.

1692
01:41:35,735 --> 01:41:39,573
Then what, are we supposed tojust wait
for a solution to fall from the sky?

1693
01:41:43,811 --> 01:41:45,146
Friend of yours?

1694
01:41:45,246 --> 01:41:47,182
No, that was a cardinal.

1695
01:41:47,248 --> 01:41:51,052
You can´t tell from his face,
but the rosaries are a dead giveaway.

1696
01:41:51,151 --> 01:41:53,721
It´s one ofthem!
Kill that motherfucker!

1697
01:41:53,821 --> 01:41:55,056
Don´tyou listen?

1698
01:41:55,156 --> 01:41:58,126
- We can´t touch him!
- I wasn´t. I was gonna shoot his ass.

1699
01:41:58,225 --> 01:42:00,494
He´s been at it for a while now.

1700
01:42:00,595 --> 01:42:02,163
Please! Please!

1701
01:42:03,364 --> 01:42:05,266
We ran out of parishioners...

1702
01:42:05,367 --> 01:42:09,670
so hejust started picking up folk
offthe road andjust dropping ´em.

1703
01:42:09,771 --> 01:42:12,974
This isjust eons ofrepression
getting purged.

1704
01:42:14,008 --> 01:42:16,111
If only they´d let us jerk off.

1705
01:42:17,511 --> 01:42:19,246
Whoops.
Take a step back.

1706
01:42:23,618 --> 01:42:25,019
Let me go!

1707
01:42:26,186 --> 01:42:28,456
Why?
What are you trying to prove?

1708
01:42:28,556 --> 01:42:31,927
- All these people!
- Hey, this wasn´t my idea!

1709
01:42:32,961 --> 01:42:34,362
Jesus Christ!

1710
01:42:35,731 --> 01:42:37,666
I just wanted to go home.

1711
01:42:37,733 --> 01:42:39,535
But him, you know...

1712
01:42:39,634 --> 01:42:42,003
hejust lost it.

1713
01:42:42,102 --> 01:42:45,306
He realized who you were
and whatyou were gonna have to do.

1714
01:42:45,406 --> 01:42:46,841
He just snapped.

1715
01:42:46,941 --> 01:42:50,545
The funny thing is, this guy
could never even stand to see me work.

1716
01:42:50,645 --> 01:42:53,716
He said he felt sorry
foryou people.

1717
01:42:54,783 --> 01:42:56,319
Now look at him.

1718
01:42:56,418 --> 01:42:58,453
This guy´s fuckin´ drunker than hell.

1719
01:42:58,553 --> 01:43:01,023
Which means he´s human now.

1720
01:43:02,423 --> 01:43:04,491
His wings have been cut off.

1721
01:43:11,132 --> 01:43:13,068
The muse?

1722
01:43:13,135 --> 01:43:15,203
Oh, no way!

1723
01:43:15,303 --> 01:43:18,073
I haven´t seen you--
You look terrific. Wow!

1724
01:43:18,172 --> 01:43:20,309
What´s with the tits?
Can l--

1725
01:43:20,408 --> 01:43:22,644
Haveyou walked
through the arch yet?

1726
01:43:26,047 --> 01:43:29,584
Tell me. Have you gone in
and come out through the archwayyet?

1727
01:43:29,684 --> 01:43:31,020
No!

1728
01:43:36,124 --> 01:43:37,526
He´s back.

1729
01:44:00,883 --> 01:44:02,818
We were awaiting your arrival.

1730
01:44:02,885 --> 01:44:05,922
Bartleby, wait. Stop.
Listen to me.

1731
01:44:06,022 --> 01:44:08,724
You can´t go through with this.
Azrael wasjust using you.

1732
01:44:08,823 --> 01:44:10,058
If you go back--

1733
01:44:10,959 --> 01:44:13,929
I´ve become aware of the repercussions.
I know what l´m doing.

1734
01:44:15,397 --> 01:44:17,066
You sick, twisted fuck!

1735
01:44:18,667 --> 01:44:19,902
Bethany.

1736
01:44:23,105 --> 01:44:26,408
You, of all people, should understand
what l´m trying to accomplish here.

1737
01:44:26,508 --> 01:44:29,411
You too know what it feels like
to be cast aside.

1738
01:44:29,512 --> 01:44:32,548
But you´ve only dealt with the pain
a few years.

1739
01:44:32,647 --> 01:44:35,718
I´ve dealt with it for a millennia.

1740
01:44:35,818 --> 01:44:40,256
While you never seeyour ex-husband or
how blissful he is with his new wife--

1741
01:44:41,823 --> 01:44:43,058
and he is--

1742
01:44:46,261 --> 01:44:50,967
seeing you people every day on this
perfect world He created foryou...

1743
01:44:51,067 --> 01:44:52,769
is a constant reminder...

1744
01:44:52,868 --> 01:44:55,904
that though my kind came fiirst...

1745
01:44:56,005 --> 01:44:58,072
your kind was most revered.

1746
01:44:59,341 --> 01:45:01,677
And while you know forgiveness...

1747
01:45:01,776 --> 01:45:03,712
we know only regret.

1748
01:45:04,780 --> 01:45:06,582
The lesson must be taught.

1749
01:45:06,682 --> 01:45:08,618
All are accountable...

1750
01:45:08,685 --> 01:45:09,919
even God.

1751
01:45:11,221 --> 01:45:13,390
Soon a cadre of police will arrive...

1752
01:45:13,490 --> 01:45:16,725
just in time to kill us
as we exit the church.

1753
01:45:17,992 --> 01:45:21,463
Then this failed experiment
called existence...

1754
01:45:21,564 --> 01:45:23,032
will cease to be.

1755
01:45:23,131 --> 01:45:24,667
No. Hey. Hey!

1756
01:45:27,403 --> 01:45:29,306
I can´t let you do that,
Bartleby.

1757
01:45:29,405 --> 01:45:31,475
This has gone too far.

1758
01:45:33,475 --> 01:45:35,878
I might have to takeyou down.

1759
01:45:37,447 --> 01:45:39,248
It´s okay. Shh.

1760
01:45:39,347 --> 01:45:40,916
I´ll do it.

1761
01:45:45,721 --> 01:45:47,657
My compatriot.

1762
01:45:48,991 --> 01:45:51,527
Genocide takes a lot out ofhim.

1763
01:45:51,627 --> 01:45:52,862
He´s weakened.

1764
01:45:52,961 --> 01:45:54,397
You´re weak.

1765
01:45:54,497 --> 01:45:57,300
More importantly,
he´s also a human being...

1766
01:45:57,400 --> 01:45:59,570
a condition which carries
two liabilities--

1767
01:46:01,404 --> 01:46:03,173
a conscience...

1768
01:46:04,006 --> 01:46:05,408
and...

1769
01:46:08,443 --> 01:46:11,013
a short life span.

1770
01:46:11,113 --> 01:46:13,883
I´m sorry, old friend,
but you lost the faith.

1771
01:46:41,677 --> 01:46:43,613
He´s lost it.
We´re fucked.

1772
01:46:43,680 --> 01:46:45,948
- We´re absolutely fucked!
- I hear that shit.

1773
01:46:47,350 --> 01:46:48,751
I can´t believe this.

1774
01:46:48,851 --> 01:46:51,454
We´re on the brink of non existence,
and God´s still nowhere to be found.

1775
01:46:51,554 --> 01:46:54,624
- What kind of deity gets kidnapped?
- Amen to that.

1776
01:47:01,531 --> 01:47:03,634
What the hell are you doing?

1777
01:47:03,733 --> 01:47:07,236
If the whole world´s gonna end,
you said you´d fuck me.

1778
01:47:11,308 --> 01:47:14,210
- You´re a pig.
- Nobody´s gonna beat that thing.

1779
01:47:14,310 --> 01:47:17,880
We can lay here all comatose like that
John DoeJersey bastard over there...

1780
01:47:17,981 --> 01:47:20,917
- orwe can get makin´ with the love.
- What did you say?

1781
01:47:20,984 --> 01:47:23,053
Make with the love.
It´s a nice way of saying boning.

1782
01:47:23,153 --> 01:47:24,655
No, aboutJohn DoeJersey.

1783
01:47:28,492 --> 01:47:31,460
That guy, the one they won´t take
off life support--John DoeJersey.

1784
01:47:31,560 --> 01:47:33,596
This is where he´s at--
St. Michael´s Hospital.

1785
01:47:35,164 --> 01:47:36,599
Where´s the nearest boardwalk?

1786
01:47:36,699 --> 01:47:39,302
I ain´t got time to win you a prize.
We gotta get to the fucking.

1787
01:47:39,403 --> 01:47:41,838
- Where is it?
- Asbury Park, about five miles away.

1788
01:47:41,939 --> 01:47:43,974
- Haveyou ever been there?
- Once, with this chick.

1789
01:47:44,074 --> 01:47:47,078
We were about to fuck on the carousel
and I got sick, started puking.

1790
01:47:47,178 --> 01:47:49,012
- Do they have skeeball there?
- Yeah.

1791
01:47:52,448 --> 01:47:54,350
That´s what l´m talkin´ about.

1792
01:48:02,392 --> 01:48:05,462
What ever you do, stall Bartleby
from going into that church.

1793
01:48:05,562 --> 01:48:07,698
Bob, come with me.
Come on!

1794
01:48:07,798 --> 01:48:10,467
- How am I supposed to do that?
- Think of something!

1795
01:48:10,567 --> 01:48:12,770
I already did,
but it takes two ofus!

1796
01:48:13,638 --> 01:48:15,839
I repeat, thisis nota drill.

1797
01:48:15,939 --> 01:48:17,708
Thisis the apocalypse.

1798
01:48:17,807 --> 01:48:20,511
Please exit the hospital
inan orderly fashion.

1799
01:48:20,611 --> 01:48:22,345
Thankyou.

1800
01:48:37,794 --> 01:48:39,395
Hey, Big Bird!

1801
01:48:40,296 --> 01:48:41,965
Ready for the counting game?

1802
01:48:46,770 --> 01:48:48,739
Count the shells, Suck-a-Duck.

1803
01:49:16,934 --> 01:49:18,903
No more bullets.

1804
01:49:18,970 --> 01:49:21,138
Now, what the fuck
would you do that for?

1805
01:49:21,237 --> 01:49:24,141
Angels have to cut theirwings off
to become human.

1806
01:49:24,241 --> 01:49:26,277
You just did him a favor,
stupid!

1807
01:50:13,057 --> 01:50:15,727
I hope you´re the skeeball type.

1808
01:50:56,867 --> 01:50:59,269
Oh, Bartleby.

1809
01:50:59,370 --> 01:51:03,007
Was Wisconsin really that bad?

1810
01:51:03,107 --> 01:51:05,176
Bow down, stupid!

1811
01:51:23,762 --> 01:51:25,664
I´m sorry.

1812
01:51:48,086 --> 01:51:51,256
Anyone who isn´t dead
or from another plane of existence...

1813
01:51:51,356 --> 01:51:55,094
would do well to cover their ears
right about now.

1814
01:51:55,194 --> 01:51:57,228
What the fuck?

1815
01:52:03,400 --> 01:52:05,403
Thankyou.

1816
01:52:37,237 --> 01:52:38,870
It never ends!

1817
01:52:58,924 --> 01:53:00,993
Get offofme.
I wanna see what´s up.

1818
01:53:01,093 --> 01:53:03,561
What the fuck is this shit?

1819
01:53:03,662 --> 01:53:05,363
Who the fuck are you, lady?

1820
01:53:05,464 --> 01:53:07,899
Why the fuck did you hug my head?

1821
01:53:08,000 --> 01:53:10,903
Quite a little mouth on him,
isn´t there?

1822
01:53:11,003 --> 01:53:13,972
What the fuck is this, The Piano?
Why ain´t this broad talkin´?

1823
01:53:14,039 --> 01:53:19,344
I believe the answers thatyou seek
lie within my companion´s eyes.

1824
01:53:19,445 --> 01:53:22,715
What the fuck does that mean?
Has everyone gone fuckin´ nuts?

1825
01:53:22,815 --> 01:53:25,784
What the fuck happened
to that guy´s head?

1826
01:53:25,851 --> 01:53:27,819
Shh.

1827
01:53:43,369 --> 01:53:45,038
Where was she?

1828
01:53:45,138 --> 01:53:47,674
Imprisoned in a body.

1829
01:53:47,773 --> 01:53:50,675
Bethany figured it all out.
She´s a clever girl, that one.

1830
01:53:52,210 --> 01:53:53,779
Hang on a minute.

1831
01:54:28,280 --> 01:54:30,183
You missed a bit.

1832
01:54:31,751 --> 01:54:34,654
Well, then, you ready
to go back, apostle?

1833
01:54:34,754 --> 01:54:37,189
You ready to make some ofthose
changes I been talking about?

1834
01:54:37,289 --> 01:54:38,424
We´ll see.

1835
01:54:38,524 --> 01:54:40,058
Muse?

1836
01:54:40,159 --> 01:54:42,728
Seeing as how you
just had to get involved...

1837
01:54:42,828 --> 01:54:45,064
you´re welcome
to return with us as well.

1838
01:54:45,165 --> 01:54:48,068
First I gotta say good-bye to Bethany.
Where is she?

1839
01:54:48,167 --> 01:54:49,570
Oh, no.

1840
01:55:10,857 --> 01:55:13,292
Metatron, is she--

1841
01:55:13,393 --> 01:55:15,695
Afraid so.

1842
01:55:15,795 --> 01:55:19,766
One of the drawbacks to being a martyr
is that you have to die.

1843
01:55:19,865 --> 01:55:22,402
But no matter.

1844
01:55:31,945 --> 01:55:33,847
All is being taken care of.

1845
01:55:34,981 --> 01:55:36,383
How so?

1846
01:55:37,550 --> 01:55:40,620
Wax on, wax off.

1847
01:56:04,210 --> 01:56:05,311
How did l--

1848
01:56:05,411 --> 01:56:07,079
She can rebuild you.

1849
01:56:07,180 --> 01:56:08,748
She has the technology.

1850
01:56:08,849 --> 01:56:12,920
She can makeyou better,
stronger, faster.

1851
01:56:18,726 --> 01:56:19,826
That´s...

1852
01:56:20,927 --> 01:56:23,697
A very relieved deity.

1853
01:56:25,498 --> 01:56:28,167
You did well, little girl.
I knew you´d come ´round.

1854
01:56:28,268 --> 01:56:30,670
Your kind always does.

1855
01:56:31,905 --> 01:56:34,341
You might want to
take good care ofyourself.

1856
01:56:34,441 --> 01:56:37,210
We´re gonna need you down the road.

1857
01:56:37,310 --> 01:56:39,746
I know.
I´m the last scion.

1858
01:56:42,449 --> 01:56:45,553
Well, you´re halfright.

1859
01:56:45,653 --> 01:56:48,555
You were the last scion.

1860
01:56:50,323 --> 01:56:51,725
But now...

1861
01:56:52,826 --> 01:56:54,327
this...

1862
01:56:55,094 --> 01:56:57,163
is the last scion.

1863
01:57:00,233 --> 01:57:02,136
I´m pregnant?

1864
01:57:04,505 --> 01:57:06,641
Can´t put anything pastyou.

1865
01:57:09,976 --> 01:57:12,479
Take care ofthat parcel for us.

1866
01:57:12,579 --> 01:57:16,483
She has a world ofwork
ahead ofher.

1867
01:57:27,927 --> 01:57:29,962
Thankyou for...

1868
01:57:30,062 --> 01:57:32,031
I don´t know...

1869
01:57:32,131 --> 01:57:33,365
everything.

1870
01:57:37,136 --> 01:57:40,540
God, there´s a million things
I wish I could ask you...

1871
01:57:40,641 --> 01:57:44,677
most of it questioning your great plan,
and that´d be arrogant ofme, I know.

1872
01:57:45,477 --> 01:57:47,580
But there is one I need to ask.

1873
01:57:47,680 --> 01:57:51,285
I´m sure you get it all the time, but
how many chances like this will I get?

1874
01:57:53,285 --> 01:57:55,221
Why are we here?

1875
01:58:11,838 --> 01:58:14,742
Didn´t I tell you she was funny?

1876
01:58:21,647 --> 01:58:24,216
I really enjoyed meeting you.

1877
01:58:24,984 --> 01:58:27,120
It was an honor.

1878
01:58:31,826 --> 01:58:34,729
You did so well.

1879
01:58:39,398 --> 01:58:42,301
I told you She was a woman.

1880
01:58:44,270 --> 01:58:46,639
She´s not really a woman.

1881
01:58:46,740 --> 01:58:49,176
She´s not really anything.

1882
01:58:49,276 --> 01:58:50,911
She´s something, all right.

1883
01:58:52,145 --> 01:58:54,348
Crisis offaith over?

1884
01:58:54,447 --> 01:58:57,350
I think l´m now burdened
with an overabundance.

1885
01:58:57,450 --> 01:58:59,353
When it rains, it pours.

1886
01:58:59,453 --> 01:59:01,655
Areyou saying you believe?

1887
01:59:02,989 --> 01:59:04,958
But I have a good idea.

1888
01:59:05,058 --> 01:59:06,460
Yes!

1889
01:59:10,430 --> 01:59:12,332
The Man was right aboutyou.

1890
01:59:12,431 --> 01:59:15,435
Now l´m gonna go home
and tell Him so.

1891
01:59:16,370 --> 01:59:18,272
And ifyou clean upyour language...

1892
01:59:18,371 --> 01:59:20,808
I just might put in
a good word foryou too.

1893
01:59:20,907 --> 01:59:22,475
Thanks.

1894
01:59:24,044 --> 01:59:26,445
Why don´tyou name the kid
after me?

1895
01:59:29,316 --> 01:59:31,051
Rufus.

1896
01:59:57,478 --> 01:59:59,881
Yo, we should go to Quick Stop.

1897
02:00:04,752 --> 02:00:06,652
Youse guys
wanna hear something sick?

1898
02:00:06,753 --> 02:00:09,656
I got halfa stalk
when she kissed me.

1899
02:00:09,756 --> 02:00:12,158
I couldn´t help it.
The bitch was hot.

1900
02:00:12,259 --> 02:00:16,797
You can´t talk to me that way anymore.
I´m gonna be somebody´s mother.

1901
02:00:16,898 --> 02:00:18,365
You´re pregnant?

1902
02:00:20,067 --> 02:00:23,570
You know, when you´re pregnantyou can
have sex until the third trimester.

1903
02:00:23,637 --> 02:00:25,573
I´ll keep that in mind.

1904
02:08:05,602 --> 02:08:09,506
So, that wouldmake Bethany
partblack?