1
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:09,000
You're lucky, you know.
2
00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:12,400
I rarely allow anyone into my flat.
3
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:16,300
I know, I know, I know.
4
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,500
Humble digs.
5
00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:22,000
Not exactly what you'd call
a "panty peeler."
6
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:25,500
Do you know what I mean?
7
00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:30,100
But it suits me just fine.
8
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:34,000
To be honest, I rarely spend a night
in my own bed anyway.
9
00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:37,400
You see, here's my theory:
10
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,700
For most women, if a guy's
a good provider
11
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:45,200
and generally a nice chap, six-pack
abs really aren't a deal-breaker.
12
00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:47,200
On the flip side, however,
13
00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,600
even though the PC boyfriend
sat next to you
14
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,400
with his arm slung around
your shoulder will deny it...
15
00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:57,800
And he will deny it. For us boys,
it's all about F.B.B.
16
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:05,100
Face. Boobs. Bum.
17
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,000
I'm just being honest.
18
00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:10,600
It's been said that clothes
speak the international language.
19
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,200
And I have to admit,
I'm a bit of a fashion whore.
20
00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:17,900
Unfortunately, today I've got work,
and I have to tone it down a little bit,
21
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,300
but that's all right. Gucci.
End-of-summer sale.
22
00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:26,100
Very understated.
And I can easily spice it up with...
23
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,600
What? No, no. I know
what you are thinking.
24
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,000
If you ooze masculinity,
like some of us do,
25
00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:35,500
you have no reason to fear pink.
Smashing.
26
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,300
Now, in the cologne department,
most men overdo it.
27
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:44,800
Americans practically spray it on
with a crop-duster.
28
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:48,500
My rule: Nothing above the neck,
29
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,100
though I do like a little splash
on Big Ben.
30
00:02:52,700 --> 00:02:54,900
You never know
where the day may take you.
31
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:00,100
Almost forgot.
32
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:02,300
New word for the day.
33
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:10,200
"Ostentatious: The attempt
to attract attention to oneself."
34
00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:13,100
Who? Me?
35
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:18,500
Oh, blimey. I'm so rude.
I haven't introduced myself.
36
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:21,200
- I'm...
- Alfie?
37
00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:24,100
There you go. Alfie.
38
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:29,000
Are you the little elf that left these
mocha bonbons on my doorstep?
39
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:33,000
No, no, no. You must have
a secret admirer, Mrs Schnitman.
40
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:37,200
You are such a doll, Alfie.
But I'm supposed to be on a diet.
41
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:38,600
Oh, on a diet?
42
00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:40,100
- A diet.
- You?
43
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,600
- Yeah.
- Now, I don't mean to be forward, Lu,
44
00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:46,600
but you should know by now
that a full-figured girl like yourself
45
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,700
- is every guy's secret fantasy.
- Stop it.
46
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,400
So she's a tub of lard.
The ship's already sailed,
47
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,000
so why not make her
feel good about herself, right?
48
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,100
- Oh, Lu?
- Yes, angel?
49
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,400
I'm working the night spot,
50
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:01,200
and my apartment is a horror show,
so I'm sorry if I keep you up
51
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,000
- with the dust-busting at 2 a.m.
- Oh, don't you worry.
52
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,400
- I'll give it a quick straighten.
- Oh, no, no, you don't need to that.
53
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:11,300
Nonsense.
I like doing things for you, Alfie.
54
00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:14,700
I'm a blessed man
having you in my life.
55
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:17,900
Thank you.
56
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:20,600
Keys are in the usual spot.
57
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,300
Now, back home, you're always
hearing tales about some bloke
58
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,600
migrating to the States and winding
up with buckets of money.
59
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:37,200
So not long ago, I packed up
my bucket and headed west.
60
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:40,400
Now, I must admit,
I had a second motive.
61
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:45,900
I'd always been told that the most
beautiful women in the world...
62
00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:48,900
...resided in Manhattan.
63
00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:52,300
And when it comes to shagging birds,
it's all about one thing:
64
00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:57,800
Location, location, location.
65
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,900
God, I love this city.
All right, girls.
66
00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:05,700
Just look around. I mean,
every one of them, unique, special,
67
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,000
like snowflakes.
68
00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:12,200
And with such a plethora...
69
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:16,900
Calendar word meaning "abundance,"
of gorgeousness and diversity,
70
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,300
well, how could a man ever choose
to settle down with just one?
71
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:26,000
I myself subscribe more
to the European philosophy of life.
72
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,600
My priorities leaning towards
wine, women...
73
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,000
Well, actually, that's about it.
74
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,200
Wine and women.
75
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:40,600
Although, women and women
is always a fun option.
76
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,300
So...
77
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,700
...to live life to the fullest,
78
00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:53,200
I require only enough
to cover my modest expenses.
79
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:57,800
I've no desire to be the richest stiff
in the cemetery.
80
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,500
I think this might just be my
favourite position.
81
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:14,300
I know it was President Kennedy's.
82
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,600
He was such a great leader.
83
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,300
Of course, JFK used the old
bad-back excuse,
84
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,600
but if you ask me, he knew
it gave you maximum pleasure
85
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,300
with minimum exertion.
86
00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:28,300
What is it about the back of a limo?
87
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,000
Obligatory cuddling.
88
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,400
Thousand one,
89
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,900
thousand two...
90
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:44,500
Cripes. Hey, I've gotta get cracking.
I've got a 10:00 pickup.
91
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:50,000
You better hurry up.
You don't want to keep her waiting.
92
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,000
Quite the number, isn't she?
93
00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:03,600
Yet, she tells me her old man
hasn't shagged her in six months.
94
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:08,600
Six months. I mean, thank God
there are gentlemen like me around
95
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:11,000
to pick up the slack.
96
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:15,000
Just look at her.
Legs like a racehorse.
97
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:19,200
Perfect yoga bum. I give her
my highest grade:
98
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,600
A-minus.
99
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,000
Where did we tell the old man
we were going tonight?
100
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:37,000
- A movie.
- Treasure, please, no, no, no.
101
00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:40,100
Stop messing about.
You'll ruin my presets.
102
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:42,800
- Sorry.
- What movie?
103
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:45,700
I don't know. What's the difference?
104
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:50,800
The difference is, the more detail
you give, the less interested he'll be.
105
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:52,900
It wouldn't matter what I said.
106
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,200
It would never occur to Phil
that another man
107
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,300
- would ever look twice at me.
- Dor, darling,
108
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:58,600
you fishing for a compliment?
109
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:00,300
No.
110
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:05,000
You should know by now they only
come from me when least expected.
111
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,600
Now, come and have a mint so Phil
doesn't smell the Alfie on your breath.
112
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:12,600
I don't care if he does.
113
00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:17,300
There's one thing that puts me
off marriage: It's married women.
114
00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:20,000
Dorie doesn't know it yet,
115
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,900
but you won't be seeing
much more of her.
116
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:25,800
I've got that all-too-familiar feeling.
117
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:30,400
Sooner or later, she'll be wanting
a little bit more than I'm able to give.
118
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:34,300
Wouldn't it be great if I was
going home with you tonight
119
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,100
instead of Phil the Pill?
120
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,300
Yeah.
121
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:43,300
It's definitely time
to stage a disappearing act.
122
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:49,400
So next Tuesday,
same time, same place?
123
00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:54,500
I'm sorry, love, it's Fashion Week.
I'm booked double shifts.
124
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:58,200
- I'll call you the instant things let up.
- Okay.
125
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,900
In the meantime, I left you
a little souvenir to remember me by.
126
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,100
Oh, Dor?
127
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:15,300
Your derri�re looks really rather
ravishing from this vantage point.
128
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,500
See?
129
00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:23,500
A compliment when least expected.
130
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,900
What can I say?
Happy as a pup with two tails.
131
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:39,300
And I think I've done old Phil
a bit of a favour too.
132
00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:41,600
Of course, he'd be the last to see it.
133
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:47,700
Never expect any thanks in this life.
134
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:52,200
You know what I mean?
So Tuesday...
135
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,300
...10:03 p.m.
136
00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:01,300
Do I drag myself home
to a cold flat, empty fridge,
137
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:08,600
or nip across town for a hot bath,
warm body, breakfast in bed?
138
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:14,600
Decisions, decisions...
139
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:26,500
Yeah, I think I'll pay a visit
to my semi-regular,
140
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,000
quasi, sort of girlfriend.
141
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:33,400
My sweet Julie.
142
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:41,400
Let me guess.
Unexpected last-minute fare.
143
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,800
Yeah. She had me going
up and down for hours.
144
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:48,600
That supposed to be funny?
Because it is so very...
145
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,100
Not.
146
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,500
Hey!
147
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,800
I'm not kidding, Alfie!
148
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,700
I'm not kidding. I hate you sometimes.
149
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,800
You have a very ostentatious way
of showing it.
150
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,700
Yeah, I sure do.
151
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:09,800
No, darling. Can we hit pause?
I just need a second to unwind.
152
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:13,500
Oh, I nicked half a bottle
of Stoli from the limo.
153
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:15,300
How do you want yours,
on the rocks?
154
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:18,000
I just want my usual, Alfie. Straight up.
155
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:21,600
No, I'm so totally knackered.
I'll make it up to you in the morning.
156
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:24,000
Cross my heart.
157
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:29,200
But tonight, all I'm good for
is a bite to eat, hot bath
158
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:31,600
and a nice long sleep.
159
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,600
You know, this isn't
a Holiday Inn, Alfie.
160
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,600
What's that again?
161
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,900
Where were you tonight? Really?
162
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:56,700
You've got to open a restaurant.
That's seriously delicious.
163
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,700
Thanks, Alfie. It's just chilli.
164
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,300
Hey.
165
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:06,200
A little eye contact, please.
166
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:09,900
We have something here,
167
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:15,300
or am I just a glorified booty call?
168
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:17,600
Hey.
169
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,000
Hey.
170
00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:26,900
Here's what she's really saying:
171
00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:31,200
She wants me to commit.
Translation: Become "domestified."
172
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:36,700
Now, it doesn't do to become
dependent on anybody in this life.
173
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:43,800
Change your nature,
you're a dead man.
174
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,500
Chilli, please.
175
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,700
Don't get me wrong.
She's adorable.
176
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:59,600
Cute? Absolutely.
But is it ever enough?
177
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:04,900
I told you how we men are.
We want showstoppers.
178
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,000
And the problem is,
Julie hasn't got enough
179
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:11,000
of the superficial things
that really matter.
180
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,900
- I don't deserve you.
- Yeah, that's probably true.
181
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,600
Too bad I love you.
182
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:25,400
Thanks, babe.
183
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,800
- Alfie, Alfie...
- What?
184
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,400
You're giving me the "Thanks, babe."
185
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:35,200
You're giving me the "Thanks, baby."
186
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:37,600
- Calm down.
- Don't tell me to calm down!
187
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,600
- I know how you feel!
- Wait a minute.
188
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,200
- You're gonna wake up...
- Max.
189
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:45,800
Hey, little man. Did we wake you up?
190
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:47,700
Yes.
191
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:54,200
Now, lads, learn from my mistake.
192
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,300
Never get involved
with a single mum.
193
00:13:57,700 --> 00:14:00,000
See, they come with accessories,
194
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,000
some of which can be...
195
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:07,000
...unfortunately, irresistible.
196
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:29,500
Sights like that make you realize
we all have an expiration date.
197
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:33,000
And women do have a shorter
shelf life than men, don't they?
198
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:36,000
I think that's what Julie
was banging on about yesterday.
199
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:41,600
Elegant Limousine and Chauffeur.
200
00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:45,900
This is where I make
my reasonably honest living.
201
00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:49,900
Standards of elegance has taken
quite a pounding, wouldn't you say?
202
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:53,200
I know. Believe me,
it's merely a stepping stone.
203
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:56,100
Currently parked on one
of those stepping stones
204
00:14:56,500 --> 00:15:00,800
is my best mate and future
business partner, Marlon.
205
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:07,100
Black. Like Lonette's skin...
206
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,900
...which I will never again touch.
207
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:17,300
I'm afraid you're not meeting
my man on top form.
208
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,800
See, Marlon's got a problem.
209
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,000
It's called Lonette.
210
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:37,000
And very recently, it dumped him.
211
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,200
Oh, dear. Come on,
what was it this time?
212
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,400
Three a.m. Begging, at her front door.
213
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,500
- Level of inebriation?
- Vomiting.
214
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:49,800
Right. So let me get this straight.
You were at her front door,
215
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:53,300
3 a.m. In the morning,
begging and vomiting?
216
00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:57,400
And what,
she wasn't charmed by that?
217
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:03,500
Alfie? Why is there no Stoli
in car number two?
218
00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:05,700
I've no idea.
219
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:09,500
I gotta watch this guy like a hawk.
220
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,500
That little chap's name is Wing.
221
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:15,000
My boss and owner
of this tragic enterprise.
222
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,900
- Wipe that car good.
- Owner, that is, till me and Marlon
223
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,600
swing a loan and buy it out
from underneath his scrawny...
224
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,800
Hello. You miss bird shit.
225
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:28,600
Wing.
226
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,800
He's barking mad.
227
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:33,400
Check out the way he talks
to the little woman.
228
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,600
She's given him her best years,
cooked his chop suey,
229
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,500
helped with the business, and I bet
at one time he couldn't wait
230
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,200
to rip off her kimono.
And now look at him.
231
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:52,300
And I'm supposed to respect
the institution of marriage?
232
00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:59,200
That's a great figure, man.
We swing that loan,
233
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,400
cash your IRA, I hock my Vespa...
234
00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:06,900
We're gonna take Wing
by surprise with an offer like this.
235
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:17,100
I could've predicted this. See,
Marlon and Lonette have reached
236
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,900
that critical 18-month "Where are
we going, what are we doing,
237
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,900
what's happening here?" crisis point
that rears its ugly head
238
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:27,300
in every relationship.
Lonette wanted ring, home, baby.
239
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,500
Marlon wanted another 18 months
240
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,900
to make sure nothing better
was coming his way.
241
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,500
I fucked up egregiously.
242
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,700
I see you're making the most
of that birthday calendar.
243
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:43,700
By the time he realized he'd made
a mistake and he wanted her back...
244
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:47,600
...it was too late.
- Hey, stranger.
245
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:50,900
Hey.
246
00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,000
Carol.
247
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:02,300
- Carol. Hi, Carol.
- Hi.
248
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,900
You look wonderful.
249
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:12,300
So, Carol, well, it's nice
to see you again. You be well.
250
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:21,900
What's up with that?
251
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:25,600
Put it this way, the show closed
after one performance only.
252
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,700
- Do I even wanna know why?
- No. Come on,
253
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,900
it would be less than discreet
to tell you why.
254
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:36,500
Hair on the arms. Seriously.
Long, thick...
255
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,000
What are you talking about?
You don't have hair on your arms?
256
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,300
- You're looking very lovely tonight.
- Thank you.
257
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:55,900
Dude, the iron door
has slammed shut, man.
258
00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:01,000
Classic, isn't it?
259
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:05,000
Now that he can't have her,
he thinks he can't live without her.
260
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,700
Some people are funny.
261
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,500
Marlon's predicament got me thinking
about my own situation.
262
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:19,400
Maybe... Maybe it was time
to stoke the home fires.
263
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:25,200
Anybody in the mood
for a little Alfie, straight up?
264
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:29,700
Oh, this isn't a good time, Alfie.
Got a lot on my mind.
265
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:34,100
Oh, God. Yeah, I really hate
when that happens.
266
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:39,200
Open up, baby.
You look seriously beautiful.
267
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,700
- Not tonight, Alfred.
- What's the matter? Tell me.
268
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:46,600
I don't... I'm just...
Well, I guess I'm... I'm just...
269
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:50,600
I'm just seeing red.
270
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:08,000
I mean, the poor guy, he's dying.
271
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,500
Come on, haven't you...?
You've tortured him long enough.
272
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,600
Alfie, he should've thought
about all that
273
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:15,600
before he was screwing around
with that ex-girlfriend of his.
274
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,200
Those fake-ass, $5 titties.
275
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:21,300
- Those are fake?
- Hello?
276
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:24,900
Wow, I'm devastated.
They've got, like...
277
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,700
Alfie, you're supposed to be consoling
my devastation, remember?
278
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,300
I am. Look, he came back, didn't he?
279
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:33,900
Begging, crawling on his knees,
vomiting...
280
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:35,800
I don't care.
281
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:40,100
I'm sorry, I'm not that easy. I don't
forgive and I definitely do not forget.
282
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,800
- Is okay if I leave now, miss?
- Oh, s�, Felix.
283
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:45,700
And hit the lights on your way out,
por favor.
284
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:51,600
I better go.
285
00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:54,500
It's really coming down out there.
286
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,700
Yeah.
287
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,000
And I'm wearing suede.
288
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:03,700
You're telling the truth. That's brilliant.
289
00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:08,600
Okay. I got one. I never swam
in the Pacific Ocean.
290
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,300
- Me neither.
- Oh, shit. Okay.
291
00:21:15,100 --> 00:21:20,600
Okay. I've never seen
a James Bond movie.
292
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:23,100
You're joking.
Not even a Sean Connery?
293
00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:25,600
You serious?
294
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:29,900
Wow, I don't know
if that's magic or tragic.
295
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,400
Okay. Five ball. My go.
296
00:21:34,300 --> 00:21:37,800
- I've never made my own bed.
- Oh, bullshit.
297
00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:40,100
No, I repeat, I've never
made my own bed.
298
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:43,000
Well, what kind of mama you got?
299
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,100
That's a good question.
300
00:21:52,300 --> 00:21:54,400
Let's see. All right.
301
00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:57,200
- I got something for you.
- All right.
302
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,400
I've never had sex...
303
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,400
I've never had sex
with two people in one night.
304
00:22:05,100 --> 00:22:07,200
Six-five, your favour.
305
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,200
Gotcha.
306
00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:15,100
So, Alfie, what's the most
you've had in one night?
307
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,900
We've stopped playing the game,
haven't we?
308
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:29,900
Am I wrong, or is there a little
innocent flirting going on here?
309
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:46,700
Driftin' on a memory
310
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:53,000
Ain't no place I'd rather be
Than with you
311
00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:58,200
Loving you
312
00:23:07,100 --> 00:23:09,400
See, if I had that kind of talent...
313
00:23:09,700 --> 00:23:11,500
And a song
314
00:23:11,700 --> 00:23:14,800
- Go on, finish your sentence.
- If I had that kind of talent,
315
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,500
and I looked like you...
316
00:23:18,900 --> 00:23:20,300
And a song
317
00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:22,700
...I would be strutting my stuff
- Oh, yeah?
318
00:23:23,100 --> 00:23:25,200
On a stage.
319
00:23:46,100 --> 00:23:49,100
Trust me, what happens next
was the furthest thing from my mind
320
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,300
when I dropped by tonight.
321
00:23:52,700 --> 00:23:56,100
But then I thought to myself,
322
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:57,800
"You know what?
323
00:23:58,100 --> 00:24:00,800
If this will help her get past
her anger towards Marlon,
324
00:24:01,300 --> 00:24:04,400
I owe it to both of them,
as a friend, right?
325
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:07,400
To do whatever I can to help. "
326
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,900
I find that, lately,
327
00:24:16,500 --> 00:24:19,400
even lying to myself comes easily.
328
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,800
The next morning, and I can't
get last night out of my mind.
329
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:16,600
Try desperately to focus
on something else, anything else.
330
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:20,400
Anything to get my mind
off my best friend's incredibly hot,
331
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,800
best-ass-I've-ever-seen-in-my-life
girlfriend.
332
00:25:26,700 --> 00:25:29,300
Alfie. Alfie.
333
00:25:29,700 --> 00:25:32,200
- Alfie!
- Shall I pretend I can't hear him?
334
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,000
Dude.
335
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,600
- Hey!
- Too late. Too late.
336
00:25:37,900 --> 00:25:41,100
- Dude, would you slow down?
- Hey, Marly, what's up?
337
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:43,000
"Marly"?
338
00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:46,200
Hey, listen, I gotta talk to you.
You ain't going nowhere
339
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,200
till you tell me
what went down last night.
340
00:25:48,500 --> 00:25:51,000
- Down last night?
- Dude, don't mess with me.
341
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,400
What happened with Lonette?
342
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,600
Have you ever heard
the word "knock"?
343
00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:59,600
- What went down?
- What? Nothing happened.
344
00:25:59,900 --> 00:26:03,100
- We had a few shots.
- Missus give me silent treatment.
345
00:26:03,500 --> 00:26:07,100
Little she know, not hearing constant
"blah, blah, blah" is gift from heaven.
346
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,200
You keep it up. Keep it up,
mate, it'll work.
347
00:26:09,500 --> 00:26:11,400
Alfie, what happened?
348
00:26:13,100 --> 00:26:15,400
Oh, fuck a duck, man. Look, I...
349
00:26:17,100 --> 00:26:19,800
- I drank a lot last night.
- Drunk.
350
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,400
Well, I...
351
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,500
I really... I don't remember.
352
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,300
- Dude, you did something to her.
- No.
353
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,800
Oh, yeah, you did.
Because she shows up at my house,
354
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,000
at 4 in the morning,
saying that she wanted me back.
355
00:26:34,300 --> 00:26:37,100
She even said
that if I needed more time,
356
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,400
that she understood completely.
357
00:26:40,700 --> 00:26:42,300
How fucking crazy.
358
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:49,000
Chalk one up for the blokes.
Thanks to me, Marlon won the game.
359
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,600
Which means he's off scot-free,
and so am I.
360
00:26:51,900 --> 00:26:54,500
This is a bloody miracle.
That's fantastic. Fantastic.
361
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:56,800
- Come on, what did you say to her?
- Look, look.
362
00:26:57,100 --> 00:26:59,600
- It's all good.
- Come on, what did you say?
363
00:27:01,100 --> 00:27:02,400
I asked her to marry me.
364
00:27:08,300 --> 00:27:10,600
You know you're my best man, right?
365
00:27:12,100 --> 00:27:13,900
Moral of the story:
366
00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:17,300
No good deed goes unpunished.
367
00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:15,000
New word for the day?
368
00:28:17,700 --> 00:28:18,900
"Resilience:
369
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:24,200
The ability to readily recover
after disappointment or loss."
370
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:28,900
Capacity to spring back.
371
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,100
Understand, it's not
about replacing Julie.
372
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,000
I just wanna get back
to the simple life:
373
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,900
Women who mean nothing to me.
374
00:28:40,100 --> 00:28:43,900
So I've struck up a friendship
with a nightclub hostess called Uta.
375
00:28:44,300 --> 00:28:45,800
Hello, Uta.
376
00:29:00,100 --> 00:29:02,400
Now, as a heat-seeking bachelor,
377
00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:04,500
I have to live
by some very simple rules.
378
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,500
Alfie Elkins' credo or philosophy,
379
00:29:07,900 --> 00:29:10,900
which is probably best summed up
by the only advice
380
00:29:11,300 --> 00:29:13,200
my father ever gave me.
381
00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:17,800
He said, "Son, whenever you
meet a beautiful woman...
382
00:29:19,500 --> 00:29:23,300
...just remember, somewhere there's
a bloke who's sick of shagging her."
383
00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:25,900
- Can I help you, man?
- G and T, please.
384
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:30,500
Explain to me what everyone sees
in that Eurotrash?
385
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:52,200
I think it's incredibly unfair
that it's acceptable for men
386
00:29:52,700 --> 00:29:54,400
to be sexually experimental,
then with a woman,
387
00:29:54,700 --> 00:29:58,700
if she wants to try something...
A kiss or a threesome.
388
00:29:59,100 --> 00:30:01,700
You know, that they'd be judged.
I wouldn't judge them.
389
00:30:02,100 --> 00:30:04,700
And I think if you two were to kiss,
I would... I would just...
390
00:30:05,100 --> 00:30:09,500
I would just see it
as a thing of beauty.
391
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,600
Although I'm living every guy's
Rat Pack fantasy,
392
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,400
something feels a bit off.
393
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:18,600
And throwing myself
back into the old lifestyle
394
00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:21,100
isn't going quite as smoothly
as I'd hoped.
395
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:22,700
Sorry.
396
00:30:23,100 --> 00:30:24,600
I'm sorry.
397
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,600
You carry on without me.
398
00:30:28,300 --> 00:30:30,800
Oh, my loves, l...
399
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:34,000
I don't know what happened.
This is so unlike me.
400
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:38,300
Yeah, you... You two just...
401
00:30:45,500 --> 00:30:48,600
I used to think
there was nothing worse than death.
402
00:30:51,500 --> 00:30:54,300
Then, from out of nowhere...
403
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:57,700
...the unthinkable.
404
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:03,800
Now I really don't get
what everyone sees in you.
405
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,500
It just keeps on happening
and happening.
406
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,400
Or more accurately, not happening
and not happening.
407
00:31:16,700 --> 00:31:20,000
This never happens, Uta.
Honestly, never.
408
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:24,900
Honestly.
409
00:31:25,700 --> 00:31:28,100
Not the word around town...
410
00:31:29,700 --> 00:31:31,300
...peewee.
411
00:31:36,500 --> 00:31:39,700
Mr Elkins? Miranda Kulp.
412
00:31:41,300 --> 00:31:42,900
Miranda.
413
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:45,700
The penis doctor is a he
with a little bit of she thrown in.
414
00:31:46,100 --> 00:31:49,400
So I understand you're experiencing
some erectile dysfunction.
415
00:31:50,100 --> 00:31:54,800
I am experiencing a little... A little...
A little bit of... What you just said.
416
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:57,400
Not to worry.
That's my area of expertise.
417
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:02,700
So have you been under any unusual
emotional stress lately, Mr Elkins?
418
00:32:03,100 --> 00:32:06,700
Stress? Emotional? Me? No, never.
419
00:32:08,500 --> 00:32:12,600
Well, unless you count
that recent chat I had with Julie.
420
00:32:13,100 --> 00:32:14,600
I can't see you anymore, Alfie.
421
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,800
- Why? You angry?
- No, I'm really not angry.
422
00:32:19,100 --> 00:32:22,600
Just, you know,
we want different things.
423
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:26,800
And I can't have you traipsing
in and out of Max's life.
424
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,600
You've changed your hair,
haven't you?
425
00:32:34,900 --> 00:32:36,300
You have, haven't you?
No, you have.
426
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:38,600
You've changed your hairdo.
You cut it?
427
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,600
It looks gorgeous.
428
00:32:40,900 --> 00:32:42,800
- Thanks.
- How come...?
429
00:32:44,100 --> 00:32:47,000
How come you never had it like that
when we were together?
430
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:48,900
I really gotta go.
431
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:54,400
Well, I guess...
432
00:32:55,500 --> 00:32:57,000
...you need these back.
433
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:01,300
Thank you.
434
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,600
Alfie?
435
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:09,600
You gonna be okay?
436
00:33:10,700 --> 00:33:14,200
Yeah. No worries. I'm always okay.
437
00:33:19,100 --> 00:33:23,400
Alrighty, let's take a gander
at that penis of yours.
438
00:33:30,900 --> 00:33:32,800
I see.
439
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,400
Well.
440
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,200
- It seems we have lift-off.
- It seems we do.
441
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,200
Wundersch�n.
442
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:46,200
What a relief.
443
00:33:46,700 --> 00:33:49,300
Well, I mean, if he can give me
a stiffy, I should have no problem
444
00:33:49,700 --> 00:33:52,400
keeping it up for the target
demographic, shouldn't I?
445
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,600
Well, there doesn't appear
to be anything physiologically wrong,
446
00:33:55,900 --> 00:33:58,600
so, in short, we can be
fairly certain your problem
447
00:33:58,900 --> 00:34:02,900
- was simply stress-related.
- Translation: Julie-related.
448
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:07,500
Like I always say, if they don't get you
one way, they'll get you another.
449
00:34:08,900 --> 00:34:10,500
However,
450
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:16,600
- I did feel something a little kooky.
- Kooky?
451
00:34:17,100 --> 00:34:20,100
There is nothing to get upset about,
Mr Elkins.
452
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,500
I thought I felt a lump...
453
00:34:26,300 --> 00:34:28,100
...on your penis.
454
00:34:28,300 --> 00:34:30,800
But with any luck, it will be nothing.
455
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,100
The words "lump" and "penis"
in the same sentence.
456
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:38,900
There's something
you don't hear every day.
457
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:44,000
And so young Alfred
got an early Yuletide gift.
458
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,200
A penis biopsy.
459
00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:51,400
I get my test results in three days...
Well, five.
460
00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:55,200
Five counting the weekend.
Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.
461
00:34:55,700 --> 00:34:58,300
How am I gonna stop myself
going completely bonkers?
462
00:34:58,600 --> 00:34:59,600
I'll be fine.
463
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:02,300
I'll be fine.
464
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,500
I'm a young man.
465
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:09,000
Shift focus, Alfie. Shift...
466
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,600
Let's go, kids. Let's go.
467
00:35:19,100 --> 00:35:21,500
Move along, children.
Look straight ahead.
468
00:35:22,300 --> 00:35:24,800
Come on. Do not look at the man.
Look straight ahead.
469
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,700
In the meantime, perhaps I'm safer
hobbling on home.
470
00:35:45,300 --> 00:35:48,400
Alfie, dear, what's wrong?
You look like death warmed over.
471
00:35:48,700 --> 00:35:51,200
No, I've just... I've got a bit of
a football injury, that's all,
472
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,300
Mrs Schnitman...
Hello, Mrs Liberman.
473
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,100
You two look lovely.
Where you going?
474
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:57,900
- Shopping. You need anything?
- I'm fine.
475
00:36:00,700 --> 00:36:01,700
Hello.
476
00:36:02,500 --> 00:36:04,400
Can I talk to you for a minute?
477
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,700
Ladies, this is my friend Lonette.
478
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:11,200
She's lovely. Good for you,
dating an African-American.
479
00:36:11,700 --> 00:36:13,100
Yeah.
480
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:18,400
Hey. Hey, girl. I missed you.
481
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:22,300
Don't mind us. We're not here.
You kids keep talking.
482
00:36:22,700 --> 00:36:25,100
- Very nice to meet you.
- See you, Mrs Liberman.
483
00:36:25,500 --> 00:36:27,000
Shop till you drop, girls.
484
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:31,600
So how have you been?
485
00:36:33,700 --> 00:36:35,600
I'm pregnant.
486
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:39,000
It seems to me
487
00:36:39,300 --> 00:36:43,100
the problems you worry yourself
sick about never seem to materialize.
488
00:36:43,500 --> 00:36:45,600
It's the ones that catch you
unexpectedly
489
00:36:45,900 --> 00:36:49,200
on a Wednesday afternoon
that knock you sideways.
490
00:36:51,500 --> 00:36:54,000
I offered to face the music
with her...
491
00:36:54,300 --> 00:36:56,700
... but she wanted to go it alone.
492
00:37:14,300 --> 00:37:18,200
We both knew that if the baby
was born with any white-boy features
493
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,200
it would mean the end
of Lonette and Marlon.
494
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,800
Not to mention your host
for this evening.
495
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:31,100
But standing in the cold,
I find myself having regrets.
496
00:37:31,500 --> 00:37:33,100
Thinking thoughts like,
497
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,900
"Here's another kid you'll never
get a chance to know.
498
00:37:37,300 --> 00:37:39,200
Your own. "
499
00:37:57,100 --> 00:37:58,600
Didn't take long.
500
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,700
Bloody hell, you're freezing.
501
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:13,600
How do you feel?
502
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,400
Empty.
503
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:34,100
That night in the bar, I thought
I was getting something for nothing.
504
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:38,300
Doesn't seem to have worked out
that way, does it?
505
00:38:52,100 --> 00:38:53,100
Oh, man.
506
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:57,100
If everything turns out okay,
maybe this little brush with mortality
507
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:58,500
is a sign.
508
00:38:59,300 --> 00:39:03,800
I should think about making...
Making some changes.
509
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:05,400
Possibly.
510
00:39:06,500 --> 00:39:07,600
- Next week.
- Excuse me.
511
00:39:07,900 --> 00:39:10,800
Did I just...? Did you just look at me?
Did I just notice you turn away?
512
00:39:11,100 --> 00:39:14,400
Look, if you know the results
to my tests, and they're telling you...
513
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:16,400
- Mr Elkins.
- Please. Please.
514
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:20,900
Mr Elkins, for the millionth time,
sit down.
515
00:39:22,100 --> 00:39:27,000
Mr Belson, I have a cancellation
on Tuesday at 11:30.
516
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:29,400
I'm gonna be fine.
517
00:39:30,700 --> 00:39:32,900
- I just feel it.
- Thank you. Goodbye.
518
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:44,700
I'll just be a minute. Or ten.
519
00:39:45,900 --> 00:39:48,200
- It's all right. Take your time.
- I don't have a choice.
520
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,500
I used to pee. Now I trickle.
521
00:39:51,900 --> 00:39:54,700
- I'm Joe. What's your name?
- Alfie.
522
00:39:55,500 --> 00:39:58,000
So how you doing, Alfie?
523
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:02,100
- Hanging in. You?
- Shitty.
524
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,200
Yeah, me too. Me too.
525
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:11,100
- I like the bolo tie.
- Oh, thanks. I have a collection.
526
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,600
You know, when you're old,
you learn to be patient.
527
00:40:17,300 --> 00:40:18,200
Yeah.
528
00:40:18,500 --> 00:40:21,000
Used to be I never
had time for nothing. Go, go, go.
529
00:40:21,300 --> 00:40:23,200
- I know that feeling.
- Yeah.
530
00:40:23,500 --> 00:40:28,000
My wife was always hawking me
to take a little vacation. Hawaii. Reno.
531
00:40:28,500 --> 00:40:30,600
I always said,
"Next year, Evie, next year.
532
00:40:30,900 --> 00:40:32,900
I got too much on my platter."
533
00:40:33,700 --> 00:40:36,000
I always thought
I'd have more time.
534
00:40:36,300 --> 00:40:39,800
Then one Sunday night,
she takes the pot roast out of the oven.
535
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:44,100
Yells, "Soup's on,"
and slumps to the kitchen floor.
536
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,100
Just like that.
537
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,200
Dead as disco.
538
00:40:48,500 --> 00:40:50,800
Jesus, I'm sorry.
539
00:40:51,100 --> 00:40:53,500
I tried picking up the pieces.
540
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,200
Even went to Waikiki alone
on the 8-day cruise package
541
00:40:56,500 --> 00:40:58,500
she was always yakking about.
542
00:40:59,100 --> 00:41:01,600
Couldn't get Evie out of my mind.
543
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,100
There's two things
I learned in life, kid:
544
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:10,000
You find someone to love,
545
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,800
and live every day
as though it were your last.
546
00:41:17,100 --> 00:41:18,900
She's all yours, Alfie.
547
00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:20,500
Enjoy.
548
00:41:28,700 --> 00:41:30,400
You all right, son?
549
00:41:30,700 --> 00:41:33,800
Yeah. I hope so.
550
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:40,500
Look, if you ever get bored
or feel like schmoozing...
551
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,100
...give me a holler.
552
00:41:46,300 --> 00:41:48,500
- You'll never call.
- Maybe I will.
553
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,300
All right, good. We'll go to a bar
together, hit on some chicks.
554
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:53,000
Damn right.
555
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:54,800
Thanks, Joe.
556
00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,600
Hey.
557
00:42:01,300 --> 00:42:03,100
I'm sorry about Evie.
558
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:07,900
We...
559
00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:10,700
...weren't all that fond
of each other...
560
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:14,700
...but we were very close.
561
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:19,600
- If you know what I mean.
- I think I do.
562
00:42:46,700 --> 00:42:50,100
I've been thinking a lot lately
about God and death.
563
00:42:50,500 --> 00:42:53,300
And how, if what they taught me
in Bible class is true,
564
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:55,500
I'm really in for it.
565
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:01,400
But I won't be partying
with Lucifer any time soon,
566
00:43:01,700 --> 00:43:03,500
because my test results
were negative.
567
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,300
I'm gonna live! I'm gonna live!
568
00:43:12,700 --> 00:43:15,500
I ruined my Prada lace-ups
and I don't care.
569
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:23,300
Don't think I've forgotten my oath
to completely change my life,
570
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,300
because I haven't.
571
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,700
Carrot-apple with a dash
of wheat grass.
572
00:43:58,000 --> 00:43:59,200
Yep.
573
00:44:00,100 --> 00:44:03,100
Health is now priority number one.
574
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,900
Business plan
moves onto the fast track.
575
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:13,200
- If you say so...
- Tonight's preview at St. Ambrose...
576
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:19,300
No, I definitely don't want to talk.
Okay, hold on, what else have I got?
577
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,000
Okay, yeah.
578
00:44:24,900 --> 00:44:26,700
All right, if we must, we must, but...
579
00:44:28,700 --> 00:44:31,600
New slate. New beginning.
580
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:54,500
- What's your name, driver?
- Alfie, sir.
581
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:55,700
Wait here, Alfie.
582
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,000
Do you know how long
you're gonna be, roughly?
583
00:44:58,300 --> 00:45:00,900
- You got someplace to go?
- No, I was just gonna nip off
584
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:03,800
- and get a cup of tea.
- Look, why don't you just stay put.
585
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:33,700
Yea or nay?
586
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:38,800
A definite yea, I think. Really.
587
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:41,300
Stunning.
Wouldn't you say so, sir?
588
00:45:41,700 --> 00:45:44,100
I'm sorry, didn't I ask you
to wait by the car?
589
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:47,100
I reckoned I should help
the lady with her packages.
590
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:49,000
Definite yea?
591
00:45:51,100 --> 00:45:52,800
I think.
592
00:45:53,100 --> 00:45:56,000
With one minor...
593
00:45:56,300 --> 00:45:57,600
- May I?
- You may.
594
00:45:57,900 --> 00:45:59,400
Adjustment.
595
00:46:07,100 --> 00:46:10,800
Bullfighter. Another lifetime.
Don't ask.
596
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:16,000
Fifty, if she's a day.
597
00:46:16,300 --> 00:46:17,800
But don't they say 50
is the new 40,
598
00:46:18,100 --> 00:46:20,300
and is she not living proof?
599
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,300
I mean, have a look.
Beautifully preserved.
600
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:27,300
And cleavage
like the Holland Tunnel.
601
00:46:28,900 --> 00:46:30,600
- Better?
- Much.
602
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:34,600
You are so right to trust Chanel.
A pair of hot-pink stilettos,
603
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:36,900
and you're good to go.
604
00:46:38,100 --> 00:46:41,000
- Well, aren't you Mr Full-Service?
- We try.
605
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:47,100
- He's getting a little pissy, isn't he?
- Oh, it's fine. It's good for him.
606
00:46:47,500 --> 00:46:50,800
- Is your husband a lot older than you?
- He's not my husband.
607
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:53,900
He's wearing a wedding ring.
608
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:57,300
Well, I never said he wasn't
somebody else's husband.
609
00:47:09,100 --> 00:47:10,600
- Grab the stuff from the trunk?
- You got it.
610
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:12,200
Cheers.
611
00:47:18,700 --> 00:47:22,100
Ma'am, if you require
my services in the future.
612
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:27,000
Happy Christmas, sir. Ma'am.
613
00:47:29,100 --> 00:47:33,000
Now that, my friends,
is a real woman.
614
00:47:33,500 --> 00:47:36,000
Smart and sexy and...
615
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:40,300
You noticed the little flirt
going on between us, huh?
616
00:47:44,500 --> 00:47:46,100
Makes me think,
617
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,100
if a woman like that,
of that calibre
618
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:50,800
should take notice
of a bloke like me,
619
00:47:51,100 --> 00:47:54,100
then, perhaps...
620
00:47:55,700 --> 00:47:59,300
Perhaps I'm selling myself
a bit short.
621
00:48:00,100 --> 00:48:01,700
In a flash,
622
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,500
I have my New Year's resolution.
623
00:48:05,700 --> 00:48:07,400
Aim higher.
624
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:21,800
Catastrophic. Doomed.
625
00:48:22,300 --> 00:48:25,300
Desolate. Cataclysmic.
626
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:27,700
Bought him a word-of-the-day
calendar for Christmas.
627
00:48:28,600 --> 00:48:29,800
Big mistake.
628
00:48:30,100 --> 00:48:32,200
Holiday season,
busiest time of the year.
629
00:48:32,500 --> 00:48:33,800
I try to run a business.
630
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:37,000
- What's the problem, Mr Wing?
- Your soul brother.
631
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:39,400
He quit.
632
00:48:44,900 --> 00:48:48,200
In the letter Marlon left me,
he called me his best friend...
633
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:52,500
... but apologized for bailing
on our business scheme.
634
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:55,800
He said his whole thing now
was to make Lonette happy.
635
00:48:56,700 --> 00:48:58,300
They decided,
on the spur of the moment,
636
00:48:58,500 --> 00:49:00,500
to move upstate,
637
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:03,500
and I had a standing
invite to drop by any time.
638
00:49:04,900 --> 00:49:07,700
Somehow Lonette
convinced Marlon
639
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,900
it would be too painful
to say our goodbyes in person.
640
00:49:11,300 --> 00:49:13,100
And to make matters worse,
641
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:16,900
it all dovetails into
the second loneliest night of the year:
642
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,200
Christmas Eve.
643
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:27,900
A night that brings on all those
familiar festive feelings
644
00:49:28,300 --> 00:49:33,500
of hopelessness,
anguish, despair.
645
00:49:34,300 --> 00:49:37,400
Not a great time to be flying solo.
646
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:41,800
That's why I'm of the belief
couples should never split up
647
00:49:42,100 --> 00:49:44,300
between Thanksgiving
and January 2nd.
648
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:48,700
Always have a relationship to see
you through the holidays. Always.
649
00:49:49,100 --> 00:49:51,900
The downside, of course, being gifts.
650
00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:59,600
Personally, I've always
suspected that everyone else
651
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,700
is having a far merrier
Christmas than I am.
652
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:06,400
Not that I've ever actually
had a Christmas.
653
00:50:07,500 --> 00:50:09,000
That's a whole other Dickens story.
654
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:10,300
Taxi.
655
00:50:10,700 --> 00:50:12,200
Taxi.
656
00:50:12,900 --> 00:50:14,800
Excuse me.
657
00:50:16,500 --> 00:50:20,400
I'm sorry, mate, it's against the law
for me to carry any more than...
658
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:30,600
Thank the Lord.
659
00:50:31,900 --> 00:50:34,300
A Christmas miracle.
660
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:40,500
All right, hop in.
661
00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:43,900
Thanks for saving us.
I was freezing my little tush off.
662
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:47,300
No worries. You know,
it's pretty full back there.
663
00:50:47,600 --> 00:50:50,400
- Why don't you...
- Good idea.
664
00:50:50,700 --> 00:50:51,900
Why don't I?
665
00:50:54,100 --> 00:50:56,100
Hey, watch the champagne.
666
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:01,800
All in.
667
00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:15,500
- They don't get out much.
- You wanna watch out, you guys.
668
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,200
You'll end up with a lump of coal
in your stocking.
669
00:51:19,500 --> 00:51:21,000
You're English.
670
00:51:21,300 --> 00:51:23,100
I love English.
671
00:51:23,500 --> 00:51:25,500
- What's your name?
- Alfie.
672
00:51:33,900 --> 00:51:36,500
You wanna abuse
a little substance, Alfie?
673
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:38,400
No, thanks. I'm trying to quit.
674
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:42,700
All right. One hit.