1 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:15,116 Three card brag is a simple form of poker. 2 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:17,077 You get three cards only. 3 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:21,153 And these you can't change. 4 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:24,676 If you don't look at them, you're a blind man, 5 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,194 you only put in half the stake. 6 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,714 Three of any kind is the highest, 7 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:35,670 but the odds are 450-1 against getting any three. 8 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:41,392 Then there's a running flush, all the same suit, all in order, 9 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:46,679 then a straight and a flush and a pair, 10 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:51,515 and finally, whatever the highest card you've got. 11 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,990 Now, there are some telltale signs that can help, 12 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:59,392 but they took me long enough to learn so I'm not telling you. 13 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:04,031 They can only help a player, not make one. 14 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:07,317 So, d'you wanna play? 15 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,149 Let's sort the buyers from the spiers 16 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:16,630 and those who trust me from the ones who don't. 17 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,756 If you can't see value here, 18 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,559 you're not shopping, you're shoplifting. 19 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,518 You see these goods? Never seen daylight, moonlight, 20 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,989 Israelites, Fanny by the gaslight. 21 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,958 Take a bag, come on. I took one home last night - 22 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,235 cost more than ten pound, I can tell you. 23 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:34,709 Anyone like jewellery? Look at that one. 24 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,473 Hand-made in Italy, hand-stolen in Stepney. 25 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:40,233 It's as long as my arm, not like something else. 26 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:42,834 Don't think 'cause these boxes are sealed, they're empty. 27 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,876 0nly the undertaker sells empty boxes. 28 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:48,953 By the look of you lot, I'd make more money with my tape-measure. 29 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,996 Here, one price, ten pound. 30 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,469 - Did you say ten pound? - Are you deaf? 31 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,515 Bargain. I'll take one. 32 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,591 Squeeze in. Left leg, right leg. 33 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,033 They call it walking. 34 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,953 You want one, darling? That's it, they're waking up. 35 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,759 Treat the wife - treat somebody else's wife. 36 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,513 It's more fun if you don't get caught. 37 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,034 You want one? Show me a bit of life, then. 38 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:12,396 It's no good standing like one o'clock half struck. 39 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,438 These are not stolen - they're just not paid for. 40 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,239 Can't get 'em again, they've changed the locks. 41 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:19,514 Can't come back - I'll have sold out. 42 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:20,794 [Punter] Nice bit of stuff. 43 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:24,316 "Too late" will be the cry when the bargains pass you by. 44 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:25,992 If you've no money on you, 45 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,196 you'll cry tears big as 0ctober cabbages. 46 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,191 Bacon, cozzers! 47 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:38,391 # So I said I'm on the roam So I need a car 48 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:41,313 # And I know that I'm getting alive 49 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,119 # And I say I got faith in a season # 50 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,992 'Ed can hustle a few quid here and there. 51 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,196 'But his real talent lies in cards - 52 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:52,713 'and gambling with cards. 53 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,478 'Bacon could see that his days 54 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,120 'of selling moody goods on street corners are numbered. 55 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:05,115 'It's time to move on and he knows it.' 56 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,398 - Six foot one, that's perfect. - You're catching up with me. 57 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:25,677 What you talking about? I'm bloody skinny, pal. 58 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,478 'Course you are. All right, Ed? 59 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,757 Nick the Greek, a pleasure. Tom, what have you eaten? 60 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,876 - I was telling him... - Enough! 61 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,837 You two, join me in my office. 62 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:40,711 So how much is it, Tom? 63 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,199 You know how much, Nick. 64 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,953 - And that includes the amp? - No. 65 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:46,632 That does not include the amp. 66 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,431 Shit, Tom. I thought it included the amp. 67 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,035 It doesn't. I'll throw in one of these telephones, 68 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,873 but it does not include the amp. 69 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,837 Very nice. 70 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,239 I hope it includes the speakers. 71 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,517 It doesn't include the speakers or the amp. 72 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,034 It's not supposed to include me getting the hump 73 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,554 with your questions. You want it, you buy it. 74 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:08,914 What else do I get? 75 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,719 A gold-plated Rolls Royce, if you pay for it. 76 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,075 Don't know, Tom. Seems expensive. 77 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:18,073 Seems... this seems to be a waste of my time. 78 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,628 That is 900 nicker in any shop, 79 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:22,631 and you're complaining about 200? 80 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,517 What school of finance did you study? 81 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,875 It's a deal, it's a steal. 82 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,996 It's the sale of the fucking century. 83 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,514 In fact, I'll keep it. 84 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,511 All right, keep your alans on. 85 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:39,509 Here's a ton. 86 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:40,953 [Both] Jesus Christ! 87 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,474 You could choke a dozen donkeys on that. 88 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,073 You're haggling over 100 pound. 89 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,435 What d'you do when you're not buying stereos - 90 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,839 finance revolutions? 91 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,911 �100 is still �100. 92 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,070 Not when the price is �200. 93 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,038 Not when you've got Liberia's deficit in your sky rocket. 94 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,395 Tighter than a duck's butt! 95 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,040 Let me feel the fibre of your fabric. 96 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,632 'The skinny one is Tom. 97 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,517 'He's the entrepreneur of the bunch. 98 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,716 'He's got a couple of dirty fingers 99 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,836 'in a couple of dirty pies. 100 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,150 'Nick, however, has made it his business 101 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,959 'to have all 20 fat fingers and toes 102 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,554 'in every dirty, bent and stolen pie in London.' 103 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:23,519 'Between them, there ain't much you can't get hold of.' 104 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:28,478 That's my 25 grand. 105 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:32,269 It took me a long time to earn, so treat it with respect. 106 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:33,509 What about the chef? 107 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,760 What've you come as? 108 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,910 Cupid, stupid. 109 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,753 That's the last time I get fruit off you, Tom. 110 00:05:56,840 --> 00:06:00,879 There was more small armoured things in it than fruit. 111 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,315 You should open a butchers, not a grocers. 112 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,152 If you order stuff from Kathmandu, 113 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,073 don't be surprised if it picks up a few tourists. 114 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,549 Anyway, enough. Where's the money? 115 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:14,269 Keep your fingers out of my soup! 116 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:15,759 'Soap is called Soap 117 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:19,071 'because he keeps his hands clean of unlawful behaviour. 118 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:22,197 'He's proud of his job and more proud it's legal. 119 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:25,670 'He represents the more sensible side of the four.' 120 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:30,880 Are you sure you can afford 25? 121 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,951 It depends how you look at it. 122 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,600 I can afford it if I see it again. 123 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,433 Got the rest from the fat man and Bacon? 124 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,476 Fat man, Bacon and myself. 125 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,755 Looks like it's time to call Harry. 126 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,109 Who's this fat man, eh? 127 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,433 Sandwich, Bacon? 128 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,072 'It's not easy to take a seat at this card table. 129 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,993 'The amount of money has to be 100 grand upwards 130 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,957 'and there's no shortage of punters. 131 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,191 'This is the man who decides whether you can play - 132 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:07,431 'Harry, or as some, including himself, like to say, 133 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,158 'Hatchet Harry.' 134 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:10,514 You got it all? 135 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,353 100 grand. 136 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:18,035 If you got it, you got it. Now, if you don't mind... 137 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:26,235 - What's this Eddie like? - He's a fucking thief! 138 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,788 'Harry has a colleague, a monster of a man, 139 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,359 'Barry the Baptist. 140 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:33,000 'He got his name by drowning people for Hatchet. 141 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:37,119 - Fucking pay. - I'll pay! 142 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,315 'Barry makes sure 143 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,870 'the administrative side of the business runs harmoniously.' 144 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,757 The boy's got a rare ability. 145 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:47,196 He seems to make cards transparent. He's got... 146 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,714 All right, we can say he's good. 147 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,634 No, he's better than good. He's a fucking liability. 148 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,995 Hold on, what do you think of these? 149 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:59,231 - We're selling hundreds. - Very nice, Harry. 150 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,039 What's it for? 151 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,793 Don't play innocent, Bazza. Spanking! 152 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,590 There's 25 from me, Tom, Soap and yourself. 153 00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:49,434 100 grand to the pound. Why the fuck are you counting it? 154 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,238 Because I like to. 155 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:54,392 A reasonable return should be about 120 grand. 156 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,790 For 25 grand invested, going on experience. 157 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,233 Going on optimism. 158 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,993 Whatever - it'll be enough to send you on a cooking course. 159 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,516 You're not funny, Tom. You're fat - 160 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,716 and look as though you should be, but you're not. 161 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,109 Fat! Who you calling... Jesus! 162 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,760 It's good here, innit? Handy for the tube, 163 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:14,717 great electrics - I can see why you moved in. 164 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,837 Don't knock it, it's "cheep", like the budgie. 165 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,514 Nobody wants to live next to the people we live next to. 166 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:24,275 - Anti-social to say the least. - What d'you mean? 167 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,271 He means they're thieving bastards. 168 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,477 When they're not picking peanuts out of poop, 169 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:33,075 they rip off unfortunate souls of their drugs. 170 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:37,272 Not exactly thick, these walls. 171 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,955 Nice work, John. Get yourself a drink. 172 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,912 Is that it? 173 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,797 How many times do I have to tell you, Plank? 174 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,111 Find a job worth doing, you'll find your share improving. 175 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,395 Have you got a problem with that? 176 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,992 # Police and thieves in the street 177 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,752 # Fighting the nation with their guns and ammunition # 178 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,030 Charles, this gear is getting heavier. 179 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:20,477 I've a suspicion we should have been rocket scientists or... 180 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:24,235 Nobel Peace Prize winners... something. 181 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:27,995 Peace Prize? Be lucky to find your penis for a piss - 182 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,036 the amount you smoke. 183 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,196 [Door buzzer] 184 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,916 Who the hell's that? 185 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:47,871 All right, Willie? 186 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,191 Does it look like I am? Take this. 187 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:55,597 I'm in danger of breaking a sweat any second. 188 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:58,194 < Charles, why've we got that cage? 189 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:00,918 Security. 190 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,270 That's right. Security. 191 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,989 What's the point in having it if we're not gonna fucking use it? 192 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,878 I would've used it, Winston, but this is Willie. 193 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,428 - And Willie lives here. - Yes, Charles. 194 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:18,115 But you didn't know it was until you opened the door. 195 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,715 Chill, Winston. It's me. 196 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,997 Charlie knows it's me, what's the problem? 197 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,674 The problem is, Willie, Charles and yourself 198 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,716 are not the quickest cats at the best of times. 199 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:34,998 So do as I say and keep the fucking cage locked! 200 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,349 - What is that? - That's Gloria. 201 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,034 I know that's Gloria. What's that? 202 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,269 Fertiliser. 203 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:48,352 You went out six hours ago to buy a money counter. 204 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,556 You come back with a semi-conscious Gloria 205 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:52,392 and a bag of fertiliser. 206 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:55,438 Alarm bells are ringing, Willie. 207 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,431 We need fertiliser, Winston. 208 00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,476 We also need a money counter. 209 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,391 This money's gotta be out by Thursday. 210 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,311 I'm buggered if I'm gonna count it. 211 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:07,552 If you do have to buy sodding fertiliser, 212 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,949 could you be a little more subtle? 213 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,712 What do you mean? 214 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,709 We grow copious amounts of ganja, yeah? 215 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,472 Yeah. 216 00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:23,236 And you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertiliser. 217 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,915 You don't look your average horti-fucking-culturalist. 218 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,558 That's what I mean, Willie. 219 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:34,198 # "The Boss" by James Brown 220 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,355 # Paid the cost to be the boss 221 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,075 # Paid the cost to be the boss 222 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,238 # I paid the cost to be the boss # 223 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:55,588 - How long's he been in there? - About... 20 minutes. 224 00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:01,274 - Is he on his own? - Yeah, carrying a bag. 225 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,197 Let's pay him a visit, shall we? 226 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,274 'Big Chris settles debts for Harry. 227 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:15,830 'The only thing he cares more about than unsettled debts 228 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,230 'is his son and heir, Little Chris.' 229 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,912 # Look at me 230 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,389 # Know what you see 231 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:25,391 # See a bad mother # 232 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,950 This is one of them... high-powered jobs, innit? 233 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,035 Aaagh! 234 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,270 I've got some bad news for you, John. 235 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:42,998 What the fuck! 236 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:45,838 Mind your language in front of the boy. 237 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,150 Jesus Christ! 238 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,873 That includes blasphemy. Now tell me, John, 239 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:55,873 how can you concentrate on improving this tan - 240 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,757 and it is a lovely tan - 241 00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,876 when you've got more pressing priorities at hand? 242 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,069 Tell Harry... 243 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:08,188 Did I say speak? And it's Mr Harry to you. 244 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:13,395 Now, don't disappoint me, choose your words very carefully. 245 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,357 You may now... 246 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:19,793 speak. 247 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,314 Tell Harry, I mean Mr Harry, 248 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,994 I've been busy, I'm nearly there. 249 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,116 Check his locker, son. 250 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:31,193 I don't suppose there's a chance of you lifting this up, Chris? 251 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:39,355 He's not poor! He's got over a monkey in his wallet! 252 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:43,558 Fuckin' hell, John, you go round with that in your pocket? 253 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:47,076 Use language like that again, you'll wish you hadn't! 254 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:48,513 Sorry, Dad. 255 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:49,953 Right. Put the rest of the stuff in that. 256 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,840 You can go home in a plastic bag tonight. 257 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,751 You owe what you owe. 258 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,674 By the time this tan's faded you wanna have paid. 259 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,877 - You never would've paid. - Who would pay for shit? 260 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,712 Exactly. We had to... 261 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,477 What the hell are you doing here? 262 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,039 What's up? 263 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,918 Let me guess, my foot in your arse. 264 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,560 Game o'cards - Hatchet Harry? 265 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,438 You're supposed to be getting your rest in, boy. 266 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,471 You playing cards tonight, son? 267 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,796 With Harry? 268 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,997 Don't be silly, Dad. I wouldn't have anything to do with that. 269 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,792 [Harry] Where'd he get a hundred grand? 270 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,836 He's got adhesive mates - like brothers. 271 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,672 They've tossed up between 'em. 272 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,718 And JD, his dad, owns the whole property? 273 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,438 No mortgage, no debts. 274 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,239 Lock, stock - the fucking lot. 275 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:01,232 Don't worry, Harry. I've got it under control. 276 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:04,153 Good. You can get this under control now. 277 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,674 It seems Lord Appleton Smythe has run out of money. 278 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,990 These little beauties are up for auction. 279 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:12,436 I'm not paying a quarter of a million quid for 'em. 280 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,795 If you know what I mean, Barry. 281 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,758 Make sure we get everything from the gun cabinet. 282 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,592 I don't care who you use, 283 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,875 as long as they're not complete muppets. 284 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,520 And don't tell 'em what they're worth, Barry. 285 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,873 # "Spooky" by Dusty Springfield 286 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,190 # In the cool of the evening 287 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,158 # When everything is getting kinda groovy # 288 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,912 Right, where was we? 289 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:39,198 [Liverpool accent] Shotguns... guns that fire shots? 290 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:40,838 You must be the brains. 291 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:42,751 That's right, guns that fire shots. 292 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:46,628 Make sure you bring everything from the gun cabinet. 293 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:50,429 There'll be a load of old guns. That's all I want. 294 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,273 Everything else outside the cabinet, you can keep. 295 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,759 Thank you very much. 296 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,149 There'd better be something there for us. 297 00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:59,071 It's a fucking stately home, 298 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,116 of course there'll be something there. 299 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,236 - Like what? - Like fucking antiques. 300 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:07,154 Antiques! What the fuck do we know about antiques? 301 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,879 - We rob post offices. - We steal cars. 302 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,793 What the fuck do we know about antiques, mate? 303 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,792 If it looks old, it's worth money - simple. 304 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:19,111 Stop fucking moaning and rob the place. 305 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,192 Who's the guv? Who are we doing this for? 306 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,909 You're doing it for me - is all you need to know. 307 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,310 You know because you need to know. 308 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:33,393 I see. 0ne of those "need to know basis" things. 309 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:36,677 Like one of those James Bond films. 310 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:40,196 Careful, remember who's giving you this job. 311 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:43,955 Right, I'm off. Call me when you're done. 312 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,393 < Ta-da. 313 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,229 Fucking northern monkeys. 314 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,152 I hate these fucking southern fairies. 315 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,510 'Ed has been playing cards since he could lift 'em up. 316 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,319 'He soon discovered he had a big advantage. 317 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,595 'It's not that he's good at cards, 318 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,238 'or even good at counting them. 319 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,754 'It's that he's good at reading people's reactions 320 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,796 'no matter how subtle. 321 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,269 'Everybody has reactions. 322 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:20,634 [Knock at door] 323 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,393 'Especially when it comes to money.' 324 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,711 # Love is kind of crazy 325 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,678 # With a spooky little boy like you # 326 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,553 - Invitations. - Invitations? 327 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:42,315 Yeah, four pretty white pieces of paper with your names on. 328 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,392 We got 100,000 bits of paper with the Queen's head on. 329 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,198 Will that do? 330 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:51,068 Just you. The others can wait next door in Samoan Jo's. 331 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:54,357 Samoan Jo's? You mean the pub? Hold on... 332 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,830 Hold on to your tongue and I'll hold on to my patience. 333 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:01,754 No one in here tonight but card players - no one. 334 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:11,439 Evening, Fraser. Don, Phil. 335 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,636 Bit dramatic, innit? 336 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,517 Is it supposed to be symbolic? 337 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,239 Apparently it's for security. 338 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,311 I'd have brought my gloves if I'd have known. 339 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,551 You must be Eddy, JD's son. 340 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:28,191 You must be Harry. Sorry, didn't know your father. 341 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:32,034 Never mind, son, you might meet him if you carry on like that. 342 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,715 Evening, Tanya. Been a while. 343 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,119 All right, Ed. 344 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,556 [Screaming] 345 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,119 We call each other Kenny, 0K, Gary? 346 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,553 All right, Kenny. 347 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,676 You gonna put your stocking on? 348 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,955 I spent 120 quid on my hair - 349 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,235 I'm not pulling a sock over it. 350 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:08,958 You have to put something on. 351 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,190 Three card brag, gentlemen. 352 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,350 Three 3s are highest, then three aces, 353 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:17,759 then running down accordingly. 354 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:21,515 Then it's a running flush, a run, a flush and then a pair. 355 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,955 An open man can't see a blind man. 356 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,998 It will cost twice the ante to see your opponent. 357 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,911 Don't fuck around, fellas. 358 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,470 You know the rules. You know I won't stand for it. 359 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:40,799 Can I have three of your most refreshing drinks, please. 360 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:48,390 - How comes we end up in here? - I don't think I mind. 361 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,358 [TV blares] 362 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,590 You got that TV loud enough, mate? 363 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,592 Leave it out, Bacon. He looks like a loon. 364 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,116 [Clock chimes] 365 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,356 What are you doing? Put that back. 366 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,351 We're here to rob the guns. 367 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:22,035 Put it back - it's crap anyway. 368 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,273 Come on. 369 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,077 800. 370 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,912 D'you like that, did you, son? 371 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,719 When my knees stop knocking, I'll live with it. 372 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,677 400, blind. 373 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:58,198 Listen, ladies, this is cards. Men play cards. 374 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:02,398 If you wanna talk soft, go to the fucking hairdressers. 375 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,357 So shut it and play. 376 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,158 I'll fold. 377 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,117 1,000. 0pen. 378 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,431 What sort of pub is this? 379 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,590 It's a Samoan pub. 380 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,118 What's that? 381 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,317 It's a cocktail - you asked for a cocktail. 382 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,312 I asked you to give me a refreshing drink. 383 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,755 I wasn't expecting a fucking rainforest. 384 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,832 You could fall in love with an orangutan in that. 385 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,195 You want a pint, go to the pub. 386 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:33,998 [Television blaring] 387 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,513 I thought this was a pub. 388 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,398 It's a Samoan pub. 389 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,153 Can you get your man to turn the TV down? 390 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,073 Ask him if you like. I'd leave him well alone. 391 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,118 Get rid of that. Bring us a Diet Coke. 392 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,590 'Scuse me, can you turn that TV down? 393 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:57,634 No. 394 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:02,796 0ooh! 395 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,031 2,000. 396 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:10,798 2,000, blind. 397 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,552 You what? 398 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:16,758 Two grand blind? You been eating too much British beef. 399 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,751 You're bonkers. Mad. 400 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,709 [Harry] Well, you gonna play? 401 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,950 Fuckin' right I'm gonna play. 402 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,156 Three grand, dare. 403 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,357 4,000's an open man. You know that. 404 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,000 You do know how to play, Donald? 405 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:38,596 The reason I've only put in half is I don't know what I've got. 406 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,399 Now, you play or you fold. 407 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,075 Fold. 408 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:51,280 Fold? Is that the only word they taught you at school? 409 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:55,148 No, they also taught me the word "cunt". 410 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:56,389 [Wailing] 411 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,878 Whoa, whoa, Kenny! 412 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,951 What are you doing? 413 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:07,430 I am trying to find out where they keep their money! 414 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,917 You twat. Can't you see they've got no money? 415 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,831 They can't even afford new furniture. 416 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,036 We've got the guns. What's the matter? 417 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:18,839 Every time we do a job, you burn people's feet. 418 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:20,399 What's wrong with you? 419 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:33,875 You wanna be more careful, old fella. You nearly took 420 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,518 my man's head off with that. 421 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,670 You all right, Kenny? 422 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,678 Kenny? 423 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,310 Ten grand, blind. 424 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:51,748 Twenty grand, open. 425 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,030 Deep end, eh? 426 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:57,913 Fold. 427 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:16,879 [Barry] Gotcha! 428 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,156 Twenty grand, open. 429 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,512 I fold. 430 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,235 Don't spend that all at once, boy. 431 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,319 [Ringing] 432 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,072 Bloody 'ell! 433 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:47,718 What? 434 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:49,631 You said there'd be no staff, Barry. 435 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,517 Did you get those guns? 436 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,477 You wanna see what they did to poor Gary! 437 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:56,757 Gary, Gary! 438 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,274 I said, did you get those guns? 439 00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:01,237 Yes, we got them! 440 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,959 Good. I'll speak to you later. 441 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,519 Fuckin' scouse cunts. 442 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,875 Gary, if you can hear me, 443 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,996 get back in the car now, mate. 444 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:14,877 Barry... Barry! 445 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,233 Fucking, sodding, shandy-drinking bastard! 446 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:23,313 # "Liar Liar" by The Castaways 447 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,038 # Liar liar, pants on fire 448 00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:28,715 # Your nose is longer than a telephone wire 449 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,596 # Been out all night Know you've been bad 450 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,990 # Don't tell me different I know it's a lie 451 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,548 # Come to me, honey See how I cry 452 00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:47,716 # Why must you hurt me? Do what you do? 453 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:51,429 # Listen here, girl Can't you see I love you? 454 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,273 # Make a little effort Try to be true 455 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:56,999 # I will be happy Not so blue 456 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,871 # Liar liar, pants on fire 457 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,394 # Your nose is longer than a telephone wire 458 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,835 # You keep on telling me those lies 459 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,879 # Still going out with other guys # 460 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,428 Give me my money! You fucking slags! 461 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:30,993 Give me my money! 462 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:32,718 Give me back my money! 463 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,028 Give it back! 464 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:36,839 Wankers! Wankers! 465 00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:44,238 Come on, you. Not now, please. 466 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,231 You fucking bastard! 467 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:55,197 Fuck... you bastard. 468 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,077 [Barry] 0h, my good God! 469 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,071 We'll take you to the cleaners! 470 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,871 Twenty grand open. 471 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,153 Thirty thousand. 472 00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:17,152 Back to you, Ready Eddie. 473 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:20,078 Fifty grand. 474 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,356 Eighty grand. 475 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:27,232 0ne hundred grand. 476 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:30,392 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, fellas, I know... 477 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:31,595 I know you're not in, 478 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,591 which means no one cares what you know. 479 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:37,152 Two hundred and fifty. 480 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,556 That's quite a raise. 481 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:46,076 That's one hundred and fifty on my one hundred. 482 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,038 Yeah. Is there anything else you want to say? 483 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,479 As you know, this puts us in an awkward position. 484 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:56,630 I don't have enough to continue. 485 00:28:56,720 --> 00:29:00,474 We'll have to see your cards if no one loans Eddie the money. 486 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,835 It's a loan or we see both your cards. 487 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:10,398 I will. 488 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:14,632 You will what? 489 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,195 I will loan you the money. 490 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,318 No, I think I'd rather just turn 'em over. 491 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:27,278 I'm not interested in what you would rather. 492 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:29,396 I wanna keep going. 493 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,074 I'm also offering you the money. 494 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:35,277 We don't have to turn 'em over because you can borrow. 495 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:40,158 I need two hundred and fifty grand. 496 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:44,199 No, you need five hundred grand to see me. 497 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:47,159 That's if I wanna see you. 498 00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:50,038 You're gonna have a problem carrying on, ain't ya? 499 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,356 I'll see you. 500 00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:59,750 For half a million? 501 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:03,276 Unless you're gonna accept twenty quid. 502 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:05,794 You've still got a sense of humour. 503 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:10,590 It's not monkey-nuts, son. You can still fold. 504 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:15,312 I'll see you. 505 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:20,198 0K, before I loan you this, I expect - 506 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:22,191 if you lose, of course - 507 00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,510 my money back within a week. 508 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:28,229 Crystal? That's Sunday, 0K? 509 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,152 Is that it? 510 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,038 Now let's see his fucking cards. 511 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,436 # "I Wanna Be Your Dog" by The Stooges 512 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:18,308 # So messed up I want you here 513 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:26,079 # In my room I want you here 514 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:33,712 # Now we're gonna be face to face 515 00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:41,472 # And I'll lay right down in my favourite place 516 00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:48,073 # And now I wanna be your dog 517 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:52,597 # And now I wanna be your dog 518 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:56,468 # And now I wanna be your dog # 519 00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:00,758 [Retching] 520 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:05,398 # Well, come on! # 521 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,229 Hello, boy. Feeling a bit poorly? 522 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,515 I know your friends 523 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,273 are responsible for most of the cash... 524 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,079 so I'm gonna give you one week to find it. 525 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,833 0therwise I will take a finger 526 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,673 off each of you and your friends' hands 527 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:26,832 for every day that passes without payment. 528 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:30,037 When you've run out of digits - 529 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,554 your dad's bar, and who knows what then. 530 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,198 All right, my son? 531 00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:38,671 # "Why Did You Do It?" By Stretch 532 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:43,470 # I've been thinking about what you have done to me 533 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:48,315 # The damage is much deeper than you'll ever see 534 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,073 # Hit me like a hammer to my head # 535 00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,037 This doesn't look good. 536 00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:00,158 'He explained the unfortunate position they were in. 537 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:03,471 'Harry would start sizing up all their fingers in a week. 538 00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,677 'He knew there was no way Ed could settle that debt alone. 539 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,797 'Harry saw it as their money on the table, 540 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,917 'so it was their debt off the table. 541 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,231 'Ed could've kissed the old bastard for that. 542 00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,197 'Lf he said he wanted to settle the debt on his own, 543 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:19,838 'it would have been a lie.' 544 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:23,674 I wish he would've let me settle it. 545 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,271 - I'm gonna kill him! - Stop fucking about. 546 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:32,670 Think about what we're gonna do. Sit down. 547 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,871 What's all the fuss about Harry? 548 00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:40,837 Why don't we boycott the payment? 549 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,194 Let me tell you about Hatchet Harry. 550 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:50,796 [Bacon] This geezer, Smithy Robinson, worked for Harry. 551 00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:53,348 It was rumoured that he was on the take. 552 00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,556 Harry's invited Smithy round for an explanation. 553 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:58,200 Smithy didn't do a very good job. 554 00:33:58,280 --> 00:33:59,679 Within a minute... 555 00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:01,113 Harry's lost his rag. 556 00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:03,555 Reached out for the nearest thing at hand - 557 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:06,029 which happened to be a 15-inch black rubber cock. 558 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:09,954 He then proceeded to batter poor Smithy to death with it. 559 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,352 That was seen as a pleasant way to go. 560 00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:20,115 Hence Hatchet Harry is a man you pay if you owe. 561 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,154 Don't worry, I'll think of something. 562 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:30,231 # I've been thinking about what you have done to me 563 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:34,233 # Images much deeper than you'll ever see 564 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:39,398 # Hit me like a hammer to my head 565 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:43,155 # I wonder were you pushed or were you led? 566 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,035 # Why did you do it? 567 00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,873 # Why did you do that thing to me? # 568 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:56,750 Golf - the best way to spoil a good walk. 569 00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:05,990 Winston Churchill said that. 570 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,435 I say it's a dog-eat-dog world. 571 00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:11,432 And I got bigger teeth than you two. 572 00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:13,511 [Moaning] 573 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:16,160 I think our friend is trying to tell us something. 574 00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:19,437 0r should I take another swing to make sure? 575 00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:20,839 Give me a five iron, John. 576 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:22,353 Certainly, Dog. 577 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,033 Now, keep still. 578 00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:38,188 Is there something you'd like to tell us? 579 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:41,956 - The fireplace. - Shut it, you idiot... 580 00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:45,596 You were saying? 581 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:49,195 It's in the fireplace. Pull it out. It's in the bottom. 582 00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:50,872 It's in the fireplace, Frank. 583 00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:54,032 Pull it out. It's in the bottom. 584 00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:56,953 Dog, I think you want to have a look at this! 585 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,236 You gonna let me down now? 586 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,515 No, I'm not finished with you yet. 587 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:06,113 Steel. 588 00:36:08,720 --> 00:36:10,950 Help! Help! 589 00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:17,838 0h, Dog. 590 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:21,278 [Television on] 591 00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,476 [Door buzzer] 592 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:26,552 Who the hell's that? It's only 12 o'clock. 593 00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:30,030 Use the cage, that's what it's there for. 594 00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:35,754 Who is it? 595 00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:44,438 We have got security for a reason, Willie. 596 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:47,751 Chill, Winston. It's only Plank. 597 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,439 This weed's getting quite a rep, fellas. 598 00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:53,635 Easy. 599 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,033 Jesus! 600 00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:57,678 Never saw you there. 601 00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,830 Hello, love, enjoying yourself? 602 00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:02,719 Is she compos? 603 00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:04,392 What do you think? 604 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:08,394 Boo! 605 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:10,232 Fuck me! 606 00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:12,151 Clean that up, Charles. 607 00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:14,515 Sod you, you clean it up. 608 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,354 Sorry, fellas, that stupid cow scared the life out of me! 609 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:22,149 Never mind. Can you just sit down, stay out the way? 610 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:27,310 How much is it you want? 611 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,630 I'm... after an half weight. 612 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:34,071 That's 1,500. Pass the scales, Willie. 613 00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,472 Give us some gear, J. 614 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:44,750 Any chance of actually seeing the... money? 615 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,909 The odds are 100-1. 616 00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,389 All we need is five grand. 617 00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:01,552 I'd rather put my money on a three-legged rockin' horse. 618 00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:06,031 Those odds are 100-1 for a good reason, Bacon - it won't win! 619 00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:09,078 - Where's Eddie? - Where do you think? 620 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:12,197 The bottom of a bottle, has been for two days. 621 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:16,034 - It's hit him hard. - It's hit us all hard! 622 00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:18,634 He's got to tell his dad he's about to lose his bar. 623 00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:20,199 Listen to this one. 624 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:23,158 You start a company - "Arse Ticklers Faggots Fan Club". 625 00:38:23,240 --> 00:38:26,471 - You what? - Put an advert in a gay mag, 626 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:30,394 advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos. 627 00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:32,436 You sell it with... 628 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:35,353 "Does what no other dildo can do until now. 629 00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:37,635 "The latest and greatest in sexual technology. 630 00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:39,392 "Guaranteed results." All that bollocks. 631 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:42,199 These dils cost 25 quid a pop - 632 00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:45,078 a snip for the pleasure they'll give the recipients. 633 00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,993 They send their cheques to the other company name. 634 00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:52,551 Not offensive, "Bobby's Bits" or something, for 25 quid. 635 00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,108 You stick it in the bank until it clears. 636 00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:56,872 This is the smart bit. 637 00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:00,714 You send back the cheque for 25 pound 638 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:02,518 from the other company name - 639 00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:04,716 "Arse Ticklers Faggots Fan Club" - saying we're sorry, 640 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:09,032 we couldn't get supplies from America - they ran out of stock. 641 00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:11,793 You see how many people cash that cheque. 642 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:14,672 Not a single soul. 643 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:18,548 Who wants their bank manager to know they tickle arse? 644 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,154 How long do you have to wait for a return? 645 00:39:22,240 --> 00:39:24,037 < Probably no more than four weeks. 646 00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:29,672 What good is that if we need it in six - no, five days? 647 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,113 Well, it's still a good idea. 648 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:34,991 All right, I got one. 649 00:39:37,720 --> 00:39:39,915 Look, he set us up, 650 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,034 which means he put money in. 651 00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,350 Which means he expects money out. 652 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:47,954 Don't have to be an economist to work that out. 653 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:51,715 He may know we smoke a lot, burn a bit of profit, 654 00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:53,472 but he can't have any idea 655 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,676 how much hard currency we've accumulated. 656 00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:59,469 I don't know. Do you know? 657 00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:03,075 We can just... slice it off the top. 658 00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:06,277 You guys have got to realise who this chap is. 659 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,909 He might look a bit silly, but he's a fucking lunatic. 660 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:13,310 If he gets an inkling we're not throwing straight dice, 661 00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:14,628 we're gonna know 662 00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:18,429 what the sharp side of a kebab knife feels like. 663 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:23,275 Yeah, but we're in this for the cash however it comes. 664 00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:24,918 So you know these geezers well? 665 00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:28,390 [Plank] Well enough - I bought gear off 'em for years. 666 00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:31,711 - What they like, then? - Poofs! Nothing heavy. 667 00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,758 Four public school boys, soft as shite. 668 00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:37,229 And you keep all the money. 669 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,276 I've heard some stupid fuckin' ideas 670 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:41,828 but yours makes Bacon's sound inspired. 671 00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,474 [Plank] They ponce around in hippy clothes all day 672 00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:13,154 talking bollocks - they're just good at growing weed. 673 00:41:13,240 --> 00:41:15,674 Business got bigger than what they can handle. 674 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:17,796 [Dog] They can't all be stupid. 675 00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:21,634 They got a container load of cash in shoe boxes, 676 00:41:21,720 --> 00:41:22,994 they sell class A gear - 677 00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,674 someone sensible must be involved. 678 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,352 What about security? 679 00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:29,795 [Plank] There's a gate they never lock. 680 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:32,952 What d'you mean never lock? Why've they got it, then? 681 00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:35,600 I must've been there 50 times - it's never locked. 682 00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:38,274 They're not suspicious. Everyone that goes there's a toff. 683 00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:39,759 They're into that karma crap - 684 00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:41,831 "I don't harm nobody, nobody harms me." 685 00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:44,150 No way they can get back to you? 686 00:41:44,240 --> 00:41:46,515 They'd be too scared - I'm a geezer. 687 00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,034 Got no muscle - gutless faggots. 688 00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:52,758 Fancy one? 689 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,717 If you're so fuckin' clever, 690 00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:57,075 why don't you come up with a suggestion? 691 00:41:57,160 --> 00:42:00,470 Look, I'm thinking, all right? I am thinking. 692 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,397 We're gonna be here all night, then. 693 00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:06,119 Is Big Chris on his way? 694 00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:08,589 He should be here any minute. 695 00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:11,592 I think you're making a big mistake, Harry. 696 00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:15,195 That is a lot of money for Chris to be after. 697 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:18,352 Who the fuck are you to question my judgement? 698 00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:21,079 What d'you know about Big Chris, eh? 699 00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:26,075 Put Big Chris on a job and he will get it done no matter what. 700 00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:30,119 His dad used to collect debts, and his dad before that. 701 00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:32,919 And that monster of a boy will after he's gone. 702 00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:34,752 'The Almighty himself 703 00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:37,149 'requested them to collect debts for eternity, 704 00:42:37,240 --> 00:42:40,277 'and not to fear knockin' on 0ld Nick's door himself 705 00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,396 'if he was behind on his payment. 706 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,354 'And he's never nicked a nicker in his life.' 707 00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:49,830 Straight as an arrow and strong as the bow that fired it. 708 00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:54,350 If you dropped a tenner, he'd search till he found you. 709 00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:58,836 'There is a problem, he isn't stable. 710 00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:02,758 'Heaven protect anybody who touches that boy. 711 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,308 'Not that that boy needs protecting.' 712 00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:13,958 What's all the flapping? You told the old man yet? 713 00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,156 Hoping I won't need to. 714 00:43:16,240 --> 00:43:18,913 I've got a plan. Listen carefully. 715 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,670 - Hello, boys. - Harry. 716 00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:34,796 Do you want a drink? 717 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:36,757 Hello, my son. D'you want a lolly? 718 00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:38,512 Piss off, you nonce. 719 00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:40,397 0i, watch it! 720 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,793 No, thanks, Harry. We're both all right. 721 00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:45,472 Nice shooter. 722 00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:47,949 0ne of a pair - Holland and Holland. 723 00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:49,758 D'you wanna hold it? 724 00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:51,637 Not my thing, thanks, Harry. 725 00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:54,029 Business good? I imagine that's why I'm here. 726 00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,918 Four young fellas got in deeper than they could handle. 727 00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,275 They owe me half a million pound. 728 00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:02,318 - How much? - Half a million. 729 00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:06,871 Well, what d'you want us to do about it? 730 00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:09,319 Hit the fuckers. 731 00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:13,351 I know it sounds a bit strong, 732 00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:16,591 but it's not as if we're doing anything illegal. 733 00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:19,353 I dunno how you reached that conclusion. 734 00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:23,274 They can't report they've had their drugs and money nicked. 735 00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:26,318 - How heavy are they? - Don't look all that. 736 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:28,550 Hitler didn't look all that. 737 00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,438 All right, but we are in the soup here 738 00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:33,670 and this is a silver spoon. 739 00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:37,833 And it's not as if we've got all the time in the world. Dig? 740 00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:40,313 I'm game. 741 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:43,274 Me too. 742 00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:46,713 0h, God! 743 00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:51,555 Right. We hit 'em as soon as they come back. 744 00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:54,029 We'll be prepared. Waiting. 745 00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:57,192 And they're armed. 746 00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:59,032 What was that? Armed? 747 00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:02,237 What d'you mean armed? Armed with what? 748 00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:05,278 Bad breath, colourful language, feather duster? 749 00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:06,839 What do you think they'll be armed with? 750 00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:08,672 Guns, you tit! 751 00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,194 You never said anything about guns. 752 00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:13,714 A minute ago, this was the safest job in the world. 753 00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:15,836 Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia! 754 00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:18,388 Soap, stop being such a mincer. 755 00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:21,790 - I've thought about that and... - And what, exactly? 756 00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:26,317 All we have to do is find out who's carrying 'em. 757 00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:29,597 They could all be carrying 'em for what we know. 758 00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,990 No. 0nly one of 'em carries them going to the job. 759 00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:36,789 I assume the same one will carry 'em back. 760 00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:38,108 < You assume? 761 00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:41,954 What is it - assumption is the brother of all fuck-ups? 762 00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:43,632 It's the mother of all fuck-ups! 763 00:45:43,720 --> 00:45:45,676 Brother, mother, any other sucker. 764 00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:47,796 It don't make any difference. 765 00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:53,238 They're still fucking guns and they still fire fucking bullets! 766 00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:57,916 Soap, if you have a better idea how to get �500,000 767 00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,560 in the next few days, let us know. 768 00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:03,278 In the meantime, Tom, 769 00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:06,193 talk to Nick the Bubble about shifting the weed. 770 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:14,268 - Weed? - No, it's not normal weed. 771 00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:16,999 It's fucked-up skunk, Class A, 772 00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,071 "I can't think let alone move" shit. 773 00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:20,559 Doesn't sound very good to me. 774 00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:23,359 Neither me - depends what flicks your switch. 775 00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:26,830 The light is on and burning brightly for the masses. 776 00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:28,638 Anyway, do you know anyone? 777 00:46:28,720 --> 00:46:30,676 I know a man, yes. 778 00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:34,229 Rory Breaker. 779 00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:38,074 The madman with an afro? I don't want anything to do with him. 780 00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:41,232 You won't have to. Just get me a sample. 781 00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:43,436 No can do. 782 00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:46,512 What's that - a place near Kathmandu? 783 00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:47,874 Meet me half-way, mate. 784 00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:49,996 It's all completely chicken soup. 785 00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:53,072 - It's what? - It's kosher... as Christmas. 786 00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:55,355 Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom. 787 00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:58,079 Never mind that. I'm gonna need some artillery. 788 00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:00,037 Coupla sawn-off shotguns. 789 00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,554 A bit heavy. This is London, not the Lebanon. 790 00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:04,198 Who d'you think I am? 791 00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:06,794 I think you're Nick the Greek. 792 00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:08,791 Hold those two. 793 00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:13,316 I don't normally have anything to do with weed. 794 00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,550 But if it is what he says, 795 00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:19,633 I'll take it off him for three and a half grand a key. 796 00:47:19,720 --> 00:47:21,631 If it is what he says. 797 00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:23,551 I don't want to see it after a sample, 798 00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:25,870 I don't want to touch it after a sample. 799 00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:28,554 I'll leave you in the capable hands of Nathan here. 800 00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:30,790 He'll sort out the details. 801 00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:32,996 Just let me tell you one thing... 802 00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:40,068 If the milk turns out to be sour, 803 00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:42,628 I ain't the kind of pussy to drink it. 804 00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:46,159 D'you know what I mean? 805 00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:53,917 Rory Breaker. 806 00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:57,709 I know Rory. He's not to be underestimated. 807 00:47:57,800 --> 00:47:59,597 He's a funny-looking fucker, I know. 808 00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:02,672 You've got to look past the hair and cute cuddly thing. 809 00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:04,352 It's a deceptive fa�ade. 810 00:48:05,720 --> 00:48:09,633 A few nights ago his roger iron busted. 811 00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:13,679 He's gone down the battle cruiser to watch the football. 812 00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:16,672 No one's watching the custard, so he switches the channel. 813 00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:19,149 A fat geezer's north opens. 814 00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:22,596 He wanders up and turns the Liza over. 815 00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:24,716 "Fuck off and watch it somewhere else." 816 00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:26,791 He knows claret is imminent, 817 00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:28,711 but he doesn't want to miss the game. 818 00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:32,509 Calm as a coma, picks up the fire extinguisher, 819 00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:35,637 walks past the jam rolls ready for action 820 00:48:35,720 --> 00:48:37,438 and plonks it outside the entrance. 821 00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:40,637 He orders an Aristotle of the most ping-pong tiddly 822 00:48:40,720 --> 00:48:44,349 in the nuclear sub and switches back to his footer. 823 00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:46,510 "That's fucking it," says the geezer. 824 00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:49,239 "That's fucking what?" Says Rory. 825 00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:52,232 He gobs out a mouthful of booze, covering Fatty. 826 00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,959 He flicks a flaming match into his bird's nest 827 00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,190 and the geezer's lit up like a leaking gas pipe. 828 00:48:57,280 --> 00:48:59,794 Rory, unfazed, turns back to his game. 829 00:48:59,880 --> 00:49:02,952 His team's won, too. Four nil. 830 00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:21,596 0i! Is your hair supposed to look like that? 831 00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,513 - All right, short stuff. - Never mind short stuff. 832 00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:28,149 Next time we do a job like this, we want more money. 833 00:49:28,240 --> 00:49:30,674 0r we're going back to post offices. Fuck that! 834 00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:32,079 Where's the others? 835 00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:34,754 There was no others. 836 00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:37,035 Stop fucking around. The others - the old ones. 837 00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:38,348 I don't know what you mean. 838 00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:40,829 There were two old guns. Where are they now? 839 00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:42,592 Not in the cabinet. 840 00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:45,638 There were some old hammer-lock muskets the butler was carrying. 841 00:49:45,720 --> 00:49:49,235 - They were ours. We sold them. - Unsell them! 842 00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:51,356 We had to sell them. We needed the money. 843 00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:53,715 I am not fucking interested. 844 00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:57,076 If you don't wanna be counting the fingers you haven't got, 845 00:49:57,160 --> 00:49:59,913 or sharing a bed with the Antichrist, 846 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,560 I want those guns. Quick! 847 00:50:03,840 --> 00:50:05,398 All right, Barry. 848 00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:08,711 Calm down. We'll get them, all right? 849 00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:12,679 Now fuck off, you scouse cunts. 850 00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:14,557 [Greek music] 851 00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:57,273 Jesus! If I pick 'em up, will they stay in one piece? 852 00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,032 Where'd you get them? 853 00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:01,270 I got contacts. Listen, Tom - 854 00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:05,592 you point them at me, I'll shit myself or do whatever you say. 855 00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:07,352 Either way, you get the desired effect. 856 00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:09,954 They look very nice, I agree. 857 00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:11,996 They're lacking in criminal credibility, ain't they? 858 00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,152 I might get laughed at. How much d'you want for these? 859 00:51:15,240 --> 00:51:16,912 700 each. 860 00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:19,719 What - a pound for every year they been about? 861 00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:22,837 They're antiques, but I ain't paying antique prices. 862 00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:26,839 Bit long, ain't they? 863 00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:28,831 Sawn-offs are out. 864 00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,514 People want a bit more range these days. 865 00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:35,275 Range? I don't wanna blow the arse out of this country, 866 00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:38,796 but I don't want anyone blowing a raspberry either. 867 00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:40,757 I want to look... fucking mean. 868 00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:42,831 0f course you'll look mean. 869 00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:44,592 You'll look really scary. 870 00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:47,069 Enough. What about this geezer who sells drugs? 871 00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:49,037 Rory Breaker's standing by. 872 00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:52,556 You stand to make a lot of money, tubby Tommy. 873 00:51:57,480 --> 00:52:00,119 < I understand this has come as a shock. 874 00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:02,236 Let me tell you how this can be resolved 875 00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,151 by you, the good father. 876 00:52:04,240 --> 00:52:05,912 Go on. 877 00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:09,072 - He likes your bar. - Yes. 878 00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:11,469 He wants your bar. 879 00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:14,472 And? 880 00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:16,835 D'you want me to draw you a picture? 881 00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:20,310 Look, that boy doesn't know his arsehole from his earhole. 882 00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:23,710 This is my bar. It's got nothing to do with him. 883 00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:25,438 What, and I care? 884 00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:27,556 Remember, you have the luxurious advantage 885 00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:30,029 of being able to sustain your son's life. 886 00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:31,951 You do have a reputation - 887 00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:34,110 so I'll choose my words very carefully. 888 00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:36,873 You tell Harry to go fuck himself. 889 00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:39,315 Whew... 890 00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:43,188 Careful, JD, you'll give Harry another heart attack. 891 00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:47,551 Now... 892 00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:52,797 I'll put that down to shock. 893 00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:54,313 0nly once. 894 00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:59,520 0nly once can I, or shall I, let you get away with that. 895 00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:02,797 Your son's got three days to find half a mill. 896 00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:05,997 Make up your mind which you prefer - 897 00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:09,834 your bar... or your son. 898 00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:18,719 [Plank] There's nothin' to worry about, it's easy. 899 00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:21,633 [Dog] No such thing as easy in my experience. 900 00:53:21,720 --> 00:53:25,269 If you think it's gonna be easy, you're a prick. 901 00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:29,399 It might be easier than most, but it's not gonna be easy. 902 00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:33,836 [Feedback] 903 00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:36,514 What's that idiot doing next door? 904 00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:38,716 Right, we use your van. 905 00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:42,634 There's stairs up to this place so we'll stick out. 906 00:53:42,720 --> 00:53:43,914 Plank goes in first. 907 00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:47,072 There's a cage, but it's never locked, is it, Plank? 908 00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:49,799 - Never. - It don't wanna be. 909 00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:53,668 0nce he's set, he gets the rest of us in. 910 00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:57,639 We'll get nasty, shit 'em up, gag 'em, whatever. 911 00:53:57,720 --> 00:53:59,995 These wankers shouldn't give us any problems. 912 00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:03,390 Like any cowboys - there'll be a few tools lying around. 913 00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:06,995 When the job's done, we come straight back here and unload. 914 00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:08,991 And Robert's your father's brother. 915 00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:11,036 Everyone savvy? 916 00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:12,712 [All] Sweet. 917 00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:14,916 [Dog] We'll do it tomorrow at eight. 918 00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:18,117 These slags like to lie in bed till midday. 919 00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:21,795 Lowest ebb and all that. That's the way I like it. 920 00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:23,632 Jesus! 921 00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:27,031 Don't worry, we can manage this. 922 00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:29,634 And what do you want me to do? 923 00:54:29,720 --> 00:54:32,314 I don't know. Turn up and look mean. 924 00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:34,868 What d'you mean, look mean? 925 00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:36,837 You know, growl a bit. 926 00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:39,957 Just look as if you know what you're doing. 927 00:54:40,040 --> 00:54:42,031 I can do better than that. 928 00:54:43,960 --> 00:54:45,916 Have a look at these. 929 00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:49,639 What are we supposed to do with these? 930 00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:53,076 Put them on your head, stupid. 931 00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:54,957 Christ! 932 00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:57,600 If you think I'm turning up clean-shaven 933 00:54:57,680 --> 00:55:00,717 and greet them with a grin, you've got another thing coming. 934 00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:02,518 These fellas are your neighbours. 935 00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:06,752 I thought it might be a good idea to disguise ourselves. 936 00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:10,071 Right... er, good thinking, Soap. Well done. 937 00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:13,030 I brought weapons as well. 938 00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:14,951 What do you mean weapons? 939 00:55:17,200 --> 00:55:18,952 These. 940 00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:20,837 Jesus! 941 00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:23,036 Let's keep 'em covered up. 942 00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:26,313 Couldn't you get anything bigger? 943 00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:29,997 What, like that? 944 00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:32,399 What d'you think? 945 00:55:33,720 --> 00:55:35,199 I think you need help. 946 00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:39,029 Bar steward, can we have a coupla drinks, please. 947 00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:40,951 Have you seen your dad? 948 00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:43,190 Hatchet sent one of his men round. 949 00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:45,350 0h, shit. When? 950 00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:48,113 Crazy. 951 00:55:57,680 --> 00:56:01,878 A good few years ago, your dad and Harry played brag together. 952 00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:06,954 Now, JD is a better player but Harry is a shit and a cheat. 953 00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:12,114 This game went on for two days, until your dad lost everything. 954 00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:16,830 But Harry wanted more. He wanted to put your dad deep in debt, 955 00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:21,869 so he plays on and on until the stakes are a joke. 956 00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:23,837 Harry's got some scam goin' on, 957 00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:26,992 wants to put JD in trouble for years. 958 00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:33,553 Harry turns over and he's got next to unbeatable cards. 959 00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:38,316 Everyone falls over 'cause they all hate Harry. 960 00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:42,791 JD starts to weep, it's a real mess. 961 00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:46,429 Harry starts laughin', cheerin', doin' a little jig 962 00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:48,670 and he turns JD's cards over. 963 00:56:48,760 --> 00:56:52,469 JD by this time is cryin' proper tears, 964 00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:54,755 this is next to pathetic. 965 00:56:55,800 --> 00:57:02,717 We see the cards, he's got three threes, the best possible cards! 966 00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:06,918 And the only time I have ever seen them. 967 00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:10,959 JD continues to cry, but now it doesn't seem so pathetic. 968 00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:13,952 Harry... he's had a heart attack! 969 00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:21,229 JD bought this place with the profits 970 00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:24,357 and he's never played cards since. 971 00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:28,149 Harry's been looking to get revenge for all those years. 972 00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:31,710 You've just given him his cue. 973 00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:34,678 If Harry don't kill you, your father will. 974 00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:37,718 He is not a happy chappy, Ed. 975 00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:41,516 [Phone rings] 976 00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:45,552 Yes? 977 00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:47,551 It's happening tomorrow morning. 978 00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:50,871 No fuckin' about, Ed, get back here now. 979 00:57:55,320 --> 00:57:58,118 Where'd you get these, a fucking museum? 980 00:57:58,200 --> 00:57:59,792 Nick the Greek. 981 00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:03,270 How much did you part with? 982 00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:04,475 700 for the pair. 983 00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:06,391 Drachmas, I hope. 984 00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:08,948 I'd feel safer with a chicken drumstick. 985 00:58:09,040 --> 00:58:10,951 These are gonna do more harm than good. 986 00:58:13,400 --> 00:58:15,630 Jesus, Tom. Do these work? 987 00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:19,235 I don't know. Look nice, though. I rather like 'em. 988 00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:21,880 That's top of priorities, that is. 989 00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:25,509 Ladies, back to more important issues, if you don't mind. 990 00:58:25,600 --> 00:58:29,388 We've only got two real guns - apparently that's what they are. 991 00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:31,436 So we find a good place to hide next door. 992 00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:34,830 We wait till it's the right time, then jack-in-the-box, 993 00:58:34,920 --> 00:58:38,708 look nasty and stuff, cocoon 'em in gaffer tape, nick their van, 994 00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:41,678 swap the gear into the new van and bring it back. 995 00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:44,558 As long as we're out of our hiding places quickly, 996 00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:47,029 it's the last thing you'd expect. 997 00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:50,874 If Tom or anyone else feels like giving 'em a kicking, 998 00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:52,916 I'm sure it won't do any harm. 999 00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:56,310 Yeah, little bit of pain never hurt anybody. 1000 00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:58,789 If you know what I mean. 1001 00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:02,714 Also, I think knives are a good idea. 1002 00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:04,711 Big, fuck-off shiny ones. 1003 00:59:04,800 --> 00:59:07,678 0nes that look like they could skin a crocodile. 1004 00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:11,435 Knives are good because they don't make any noise. 1005 00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:14,717 The less noise they make, the more likely we are to use 'em. 1006 00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:16,711 Shit 'em right up. 1007 00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:18,995 Makes it look like we're serious. 1008 00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:22,038 Guns for show, knives for a pro. 1009 00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:27,312 Soap, is there something we should know about you? 1010 00:59:27,400 --> 00:59:30,756 I'm not sure what's more worrying, the job or your past. 1011 00:59:33,480 --> 00:59:35,072 Come on, girls. 1012 00:59:48,520 --> 00:59:51,239 Where the fuck are they going? Shift a piano? 1013 00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:53,629 I thought this was meant to be a robbery. 1014 00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:55,836 Where'd they get those outfits? 1015 00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:58,434 Not a bad idea, that. 1016 00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:03,872 Come on, you fucking jellyheads, move it! 1017 01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:06,633 You've been up two hours, you should've got somewhere. 1018 01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:09,712 The money and the gear's gotta be out by 12. 1019 01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:11,233 [Door buzzer] 1020 01:00:11,320 --> 01:00:12,799 Who's that? 1021 01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:19,278 Don't open the door until you've used that cage. I'm serious. 1022 01:00:19,640 --> 01:00:21,278 Find out who it is first. 1023 01:00:21,360 --> 01:00:23,271 Hello, can I help you? 1024 01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:25,430 All right, it's Plank. Is Willie there? 1025 01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:28,478 No, I'm afraid he's not. He's out at the moment. 1026 01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:31,074 Perhaps you can help. 1027 01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:33,833 Perhaps I can't, if you know what I mean. 1028 01:00:33,920 --> 01:00:37,469 If you could open the door so I could talk without shouting. 1029 01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:39,232 I can't help you, Plank. 1030 01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:41,754 You'll find it's in your interest. 1031 01:00:41,840 --> 01:00:43,319 Hold on, 0K? 1032 01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:47,393 Willie, it's Plank for you. He says it's in our interest. 1033 01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:49,914 I don't care if it's King-fucking-Kong, 1034 01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:52,116 he's not coming in here, not today. 1035 01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:56,079 Hold on. We are in business and... correct me if I'm wrong 1036 01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:58,037 but that is business. 1037 01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:01,317 Corrected. That's a walking accident we can do without. 1038 01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:05,029 Jesus. He's 0K... He knows only to buy weights now. 1039 01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:07,429 We're looking at at least a couple of thou'. 1040 01:01:07,520 --> 01:01:09,829 What do you think, Winston? 1041 01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:12,480 This is the last time. All right? 1042 01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:15,472 You and the money are going out the back. 1043 01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:17,471 If he knows you're here, he'll be all day. 1044 01:01:17,560 --> 01:01:19,516 Just clear this shit up! 1045 01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:20,999 What, now? 1046 01:01:21,080 --> 01:01:24,675 Yes! Now! Just get rid of him quick. 1047 01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:27,274 All right. Just coming. 1048 01:01:30,080 --> 01:01:32,355 What the fuck is he doing? 1049 01:01:35,080 --> 01:01:38,311 Come on, I can't wait out here all day! 1050 01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:40,311 [Jake] Just coming. 1051 01:01:45,520 --> 01:01:47,988 I thought you was gonna leave me out there all day. 1052 01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:50,150 I didn't know you were a removals man, Plank. 1053 01:01:50,240 --> 01:01:52,993 Lives and learns, don't ya? Keep the gates locked now? 1054 01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:56,072 Ya, sorry. Gotta do business like this now. 1055 01:01:56,160 --> 01:01:58,390 Can't be too careful these days. 1056 01:01:58,480 --> 01:01:59,913 I know. 1057 01:02:00,000 --> 01:02:02,798 Say a word, the right ear goes, another, your left! 1058 01:02:02,880 --> 01:02:05,838 - What are you doing, Plank? - What do you think? 1059 01:02:05,920 --> 01:02:07,672 Hang on, what are you doing? 1060 01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:10,354 Unlock the gate! Unlock the fucking gate! 1061 01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:13,000 That's it. Go, go, go! Fucking move! 1062 01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:19,393 What the fuck's going on? 1063 01:02:19,480 --> 01:02:20,754 Hang on, I've got the keys. 1064 01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:22,910 The gate's locked. 1065 01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:24,752 I don't believe the fucking gate's locked. 1066 01:02:24,840 --> 01:02:26,319 What you done to Fauntleroy? 1067 01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:27,913 I didn't touch him. He passed out. 1068 01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:30,468 Shut the door! D'you want the world to see? 1069 01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:33,199 [Door slams, shouting] 1070 01:02:33,280 --> 01:02:35,032 What's going on down there? 1071 01:02:37,200 --> 01:02:38,519 Shit! 1072 01:02:44,800 --> 01:02:48,315 Charles, get the rifle out. 1073 01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:50,630 We're being fucked.