1 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,878 I suppose you think that's very funny, Harold. 2 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,391 - Hello? F�e? - Yeah. 3 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:30,598 Darling, be a dear and cancel my appointment with Ren� this afternoon. 4 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:39,390 I know he'll be furious but I've had such a fright today 5 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,189 and with guests coming this evening... Oh, would you? 6 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,232 Tell him I promise to be in on Tuesday. 7 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,471 Thank you, F�e, you're a darling. Yes. 8 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,630 Bye. Bye. 9 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,510 Dinner at eight, Harold. 10 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,592 And do try and be a little more vivacious. 11 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,349 Of course, Harold's father had a similar sense of the absurd. 12 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:24,149 I remember once in Paris, he just stepped out for cigarettes 13 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,629 and the next thing I knew he was arrested 14 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,676 for floating nude down the Seine! 15 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:33,390 Experimenting in river currents with rubber water wings! 16 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,038 Mauve ones. 17 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:41,432 That cost quite a bit of influence et d'argent to hush up, I can tell you! 18 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,988 Harold, dear, don't play with your food. 19 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,395 What's the matter? Don't you feel well? 20 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:51,918 I have a sore throat. 21 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:57,355 Now, directly after dinner, I want you to go straight to bed. 22 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,839 Harold's always been a delicate child. 23 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:05,596 Even as a baby, he seemed prone to every possible kind of illness. 24 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,955 Harold, dear, eat up your beets. 25 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:12,150 I remember in Tokyo, I had to call the embassy for a doctor... 26 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,792 Oh, my God! 27 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,716 This is too much. 28 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:46,117 I can't stand much more of this. 29 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,076 I can't take any more. 30 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,076 Oh, my God! 31 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,755 Oh, God! 32 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:04,231 That's very interesting, Harold, and I think very illuminating. 33 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,835 There seems to be a definite pattern emerging 34 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:12,789 and of course this pattern, once isolated, can be coped with. 35 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,953 Recognise the problem and you're halfway on the road to its... 36 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,190 its solution. 37 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:23,558 Tell me, Harold, what do you do for fun? 38 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:28,509 What activity gives you a different sense of enjoyment from the others? 39 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,353 What do you find fulfilling? 40 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:35,672 What gives you that special... satisfaction? 41 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,070 I go to funerals. 42 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:49,115 "Thou dost prepare for me a table in the sight of my adversaries, 43 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,350 "Thou dost anoint my head with oil, 44 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,078 "my chalice overflows. 45 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:57,119 "Kindness and grace shall follow me all the days of my life 46 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:01,478 "and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord for length of days. 47 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,791 "The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof, 48 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,235 "the world and they who dwell therein. 49 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:11,313 "For He has established it upon the waters and set it upon the rivers. 50 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,356 "Who shall ascend the mountain of the Lord 51 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,113 "or who shall stand in His holy place? 52 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,317 "The innocent of hand and the pure of heart 53 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,834 "who has not turned his mind to vanity 54 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,673 "nor sworn deceitfully to his neighbour, 55 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,911 "he shall receive the blessing from the Lord 56 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,197 "and a reward from God, his Saviour. 57 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,397 "This is the generation of those who seek him..." 58 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,199 Harold? 59 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:16,510 Why you purchased that monstrosity I have no idea. 60 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,878 You can have any car you want but that ugly horror is an eyesore 61 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,518 and an embarrassment. 62 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,909 Really, it is time you settled down 63 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:29,073 and stopped flitting away your talents on these amateur theatrics, 64 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,435 these little divertissements, 65 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:34,592 no matter how psychologically purging they may be. 66 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,071 I don't know what to do. 67 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,149 Go and have a talk with your Uncle Victor. 68 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,993 Perhaps he can fathom you. 69 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,868 After all, he was General MacArthur's right-hand man. 70 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:58,836 What do you say, Harold? 71 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:03,032 It's a great life. 72 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:08,433 There's action, adventure, advising and you'll see the war first hand. 73 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,992 And there are plenty of slant-eyed girls. 74 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,355 It'll make a man out of you, Harold. 75 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:19,638 You'll travel the world, put on a uniform and take on a man's job. 76 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,996 You'll walk tall with a glint in your eye and a spring in your step 77 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:28,471 and a knowledge in your heart that you are working for peace 78 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,476 and are serving your country, 79 00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:34,279 just like Nathan Hale. 80 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,751 That's what this country needs, more Nathan Hale. 81 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:54,190 I think I can see a little Nathan Hale... in you. 82 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:21,877 Tell me, Harold, how many of these... 83 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,428 suicides have you performed? 84 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,751 An accurate number would be difficult to gauge. 85 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,070 Well, just give me a rough estimate. 86 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,878 A rough estimate? 87 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:36,914 I'd say... 15. 88 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,798 - 15? - That's a rough estimate. 89 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:42,519 Were they all done for your mother's benefit? 90 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,592 No, no - I would not say benefit. 91 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:51,711 Harold, I only have a few minutes and I want to inform you of my decision. 92 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:58,992 You have led a very carefree, idle, happy life up to the present, 93 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,798 the life of a child. 94 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,792 But it is time now to put away childish things 95 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,996 and take on adult responsibilities. 96 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:09,390 We'd all like to sail through life with no thought of tomorrow 97 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:10,993 but that cannot be. 98 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:15,756 We have our duties, our obligations, our principles. 99 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:20,152 In short, Harold, I think it is time for you to get married. 100 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,040 Let's pray to the Lord, King of Glory, 101 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:40,193 that he may bless and deliver the souls of all faithful departed 102 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:43,272 from the pain of hell and the bottomless pit. 103 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:47,319 Deliver them from the lion's mouth and the darkness therein 104 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:51,678 and rather, bring them to the blessing of light, 105 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,149 holy life, eternal rest. 106 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:01,832 "Oh, Lord, do not bring yourself into trial 107 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,558 "for no man... 108 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:09,670 "becomes holy in your sight unless you grant forgiveness of his sins. 109 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,557 "I implore you, therefore, 110 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:15,758 "do not let the verdict of your judgement go against him... 111 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:21,668 "Rather, by the help of your Grace, 112 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,558 "may he escape the sentence which he deserves 113 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:28,155 "for during his earthly life he would sign the seal of the Holy Trinity. 114 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,158 "You, who live and reign forever and ever. 115 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,279 "Amen." 116 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,875 - Like some liquorice? - No, thank you. 117 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,313 You're welcome. 118 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,911 Did you know him? 119 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,116 - No. - Me neither. 120 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,476 I heard he's 80 years old. I'll be 80 next week. 121 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:59,393 A good time to move on, don't you think? 122 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,232 I don't know. 123 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:08,949 I mean, 75 is too early but at 85, you're just marking time. 124 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,759 You may as well look over the horizon. 125 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,274 I'll never understand this mania for black. 126 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,555 Nobody sends black flowers, do they? 127 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:30,156 Black flowers are dead flowers, who sends dead flowers to a funeral? 128 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,878 It's absurd! 129 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,117 - What is your name? - Harold, Harold Chasen. 130 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:57,591 How do you do? I'm Dame Marjorie Chardin but you may call me Maude. 131 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,671 - Nice to meet you. - Thank you. 132 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,797 I think we're gonna be great friends. 133 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,598 Can I give you a lift, Harold? 134 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,148 No, thank you. I have my own car. 135 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,391 Well, I must be off. We shall have to meet again. 136 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,278 Tell me, do you dance? 137 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,749 - Pardon me? - Do you sing and dance? 138 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,833 - No. - No, I thought not. 139 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,035 That woman! She took my car! 140 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:48,279 I have here the forms sent out by the National Computer Dating Service. 141 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,635 They screen out the fat and the ugly, 142 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,598 so it is obviously a firm of high standards. 143 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,240 First, here is the personality interview, 144 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,515 which you are to fill out and return. 145 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,114 Now then, are you ready, Harold? 146 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,714 Here is the first question. 147 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,872 "Are you uncomfortable meeting new people?" 148 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,952 Well, I think that's a yes, don't you agree? 149 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,510 "Should sex education be taught outside the home?" 150 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:18,071 I would say no, wouldn't you, Harold? Yeah, we'll give a D there. 151 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,869 "Should women run for president of the United States?" 152 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,599 I don't see why not. Absolutely yes. 153 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:29,276 "Do you remember jokes and take pleasure in relating them to others?" 154 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:33,592 Well, you don't do that, do you, Harold? Absolutely not. 155 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:38,549 "Do you often get the feeling that perhaps life isn't worth living?" 156 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:42,838 What do you think, Harold? A? B? We'll put C - not sure. 157 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:48,438 "Is the subject of sex being overexploited by our mass media?" 158 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,512 Well, that would have to be yes, wouldn't it? 159 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,751 "Is it difficult for you to accept criticism?" 160 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,400 No. We'll mark D. 161 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:01,393 "Do you sometimes have headaches or backaches after a difficult day?" 162 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,869 Yes, I do indeed. 163 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,871 "Do you go to sleep easily?" 164 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,951 I'd say so. 165 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,998 "Do you believe in capital punishment for murder?" 166 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,638 Yes, I do indeed. 167 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:16,633 "In your opinion, are social affairs usually a waste of time?" 168 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,312 Heavens, no! 169 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,994 "Can God influence our lives?" 170 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,311 Yes, absolutely yes. 171 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,278 "Does your personal religion or philosophy 172 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,237 "include a life after death?" 173 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,949 Yes, indeed. That's absolutely. 174 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,273 "Did you enjoy life when you were a child?" 175 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:41,909 Yes, you were a wonderful baby, Harold. 176 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,709 "Do you think the sexual revolution has gone too far?" 177 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,758 It certainly has. 178 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:52,992 "Do you find the idea of wife-swapping distasteful?" 179 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,117 I even find the question distasteful. 180 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:57,474 "Do you..." 181 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,398 Harold, please! 182 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,950 "Do you have ups and downs without obvious reason?" 183 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:09,552 That's you, Harold! 184 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:57,714 "Dearest brothers, let us faithfully and lovingly remember our brother 185 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:01,998 "whom God has taken to Himself from the trials of this world. 186 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:07,516 "God have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy." 187 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,273 Our Father, who art in heaven, 188 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,237 hallowed be Thy name. 189 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:16,233 Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 190 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:20,359 Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses 191 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,000 as we forgive those who trespass against us. 192 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:27,278 Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. 193 00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:28,713 Amen. 194 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,788 My boy, excuse me. 195 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:32,476 One moment, please. Who was that old lady waving to you earlier? 196 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,916 Hello, Harold. Can I give you a lift? 197 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:40,152 There you are, madam. Were you the lady who drove my car off yesterday? 198 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,913 - The one with the St Christopher? - Yes. 199 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,151 Then I suppose it was me! Get in, Harold. 200 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:49,391 Were you also the one who painted the saint? 201 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,630 Yes! How did you like that? 202 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,553 - Well, I didn't. - Don't be too discouraged. 203 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,916 For aesthetic appreciation, always a little time. 204 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:09,310 What a delight it is, Harold, to bump into you again. 205 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,710 I knew we were gonna be good friends the moment I saw you. 206 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,314 - You go to funerals often? - Yeah. 207 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,073 So do I. They're such fun, aren't they? 208 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,355 It's all change, all revolving. 209 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,510 Burials and births, all linked. 210 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,750 The great circle of life. 211 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:31,713 This thing handles well. Ever drive a hearse, Harold? 212 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,360 - Yeah. - It's a new experience for me. 213 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,557 Well done, hearse! 214 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,596 Shall I take you home, Harold? 215 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,716 This is my car. 216 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,268 - Your hearse? - Yearse! 217 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,993 Then you shall take me home. 218 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:11,511 So, just before he left for the monastery in Tibet, 219 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,511 Big Sweeney gave me his keys. 220 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:17,718 I had to make changes for the new model, not as many as you'd think. 221 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:22,555 Once you have you the basic set, it's only a question of variation. 222 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,552 You hop in any car you want and just drive off? 223 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:29,679 Not any car. I like a variety. I'm always looking for a new experience. 224 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:36,519 Maybe... Nevertheless, I think you're upsetting people. 225 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,556 I don't know if that's right. 226 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:43,833 If people get upset cos they feel they have a hold on some things, 227 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:47,993 I'm just acting as a gentle reminder, here today, gone tomorrow. 228 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,629 So don't get attached to things. Now, with that in mind, 229 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:53,870 I'm not against collecting stuff. 230 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,635 I've collected quite a lot of stuff in my time. 231 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,831 This is all memorabilia 232 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,629 but it's incidental, not integral, if you know what I mean. 233 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,352 The birds. 234 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,908 I love them so much. 235 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,151 They are the only wildlife I get to see any more. 236 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,879 Ah, me, free as a bird. 237 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:23,437 At one time, I used to break into pet shops to liberate the canaries 238 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,796 but I decided that was an idea way before its time. 239 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:30,714 Zoos are full, prisons are overflowing. 240 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:37,433 Oh, my, how the world still... dearly loves a cage. 241 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,397 Please sit down, Harold. 242 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:43,109 I'll put the kettle on. We'll have a nice, hot cup of tea. 243 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,191 Thank you but I really have to go. 244 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,590 But it's oat straw tea! You've not had that, have you? 245 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,989 - No. - Well, then. 246 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,913 I really do have to go. I have an appointment. 247 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:55,752 I really can't miss it. 248 00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,073 At the dentist? 249 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:01,397 Kind of. 250 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:05,278 Then, you'll just have to come back and visit. 251 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:08,238 - All right. - My door's always open. 252 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,675 - All right. - Promise? 253 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:11,988 I promise. 254 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,834 I asked, do you have any friends? 255 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,832 - No. - None at all? 256 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,956 No. 257 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,110 Maybe one. 258 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,589 Would you care to talk about this friend? 259 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,079 No! 260 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:39,073 You are an interesting case but this reluctance is detrimental 261 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,355 to the psychoanalytical process. 262 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:43,510 Do you understand? 263 00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:48,797 Very well. 264 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:52,873 Your mother tells me that she's arranging several dates for you 265 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:54,598 with some young ladies. 266 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,796 How do you feel about that? 267 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:06,475 - Hello, I'm Candy Gulf. - How do you do? I'm Mrs Chasen. 268 00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:10,553 Do come in. Harold's in the garden but he'll be here in a moment. 269 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,551 Shall we sit down? 270 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,676 There's Harold. 271 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,712 - He seems very nice. - Thank you. 272 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,951 - You are at the university? - Yes, I am. 273 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:32,715 - What are you studying? - Poli Sci with a minor in Home Ec. 274 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,438 Poli Sci...? 275 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:38,069 Political Science. It's all about what's going on. 276 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,152 Is Harold interested in what's going on? 277 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,118 I just think it's such a super thing to study 278 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,953 and I can always fall back on my Home Ec. 279 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,076 - That's good planning. - Yes. 280 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,516 Tell me, are you a regular with this Computer Club? 281 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,797 Heavens, no! I don't have to worry about dates. 282 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:02,392 Some of the girls in my sorority decided that someone ought to try it 283 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,472 so we drew straws and I lost! 284 00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,791 But I'm looking forward to meeting Harold. 285 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:14,113 I should mention, Candy, Harold does have his little eccentric moments. 286 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:18,193 That's all right. I have a brother who's a real cut-up, too. 287 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:21,316 I will never forget the time, 288 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,437 we had this old TV set with no parts in it, 289 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:28,877 Tommy stuck his head behind it and started giving a whole newscast 290 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:30,916 before the entire family! 291 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,877 Must have been very funny. 292 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,636 Yes, dear, here is Harold now. 293 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,756 Harold, this is Candy. 294 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:45,435 Candy's just been telling us a funny story about... 295 00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,312 Walter Cronkite. 296 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:38,397 Excuse me. 297 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,991 - I beg your pardon. - What do you want? 298 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,719 I'm sorry, I was looking for Maude. 299 00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:58,036 How about some ginger pie? 300 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,594 - Fine. Thank you. - I'll heat some up. 301 00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:07,514 My, Harold, I'm glad to see you again. 302 00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,636 Do you often model for Glaucus? 303 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,473 Heavens, no! I don't have the time 304 00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,391 but I like to keep in practice 305 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:18,439 and poor Glaucus occasionally needs his memory refreshed 306 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:21,034 as to the contours of the female form. 307 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,517 - Do you disapprove? - Me? No, of course not. 308 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:31,315 Really? Do you think it's wrong? 309 00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:42,589 No. 310 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,035 Heavens! I'm glad you said that. 311 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:49,955 I wanna show you my painting. This is The Rape Of Rome. 312 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:54,556 Over in the corner is Leda And The Swan, 313 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:56,915 self-portrait, 314 00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,230 and over here is my favourite. 315 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:07,509 It's titled... Rainbow With Egg Underneath And An Elephant. 316 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,438 - Do you like it? - Yeah, very much. 317 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:15,877 I then became infatuated with these, my odorifics. 318 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:20,511 Give the nose a treat! A kind of a... olfactory banquet. 319 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:24,639 So, I began on the easiest - roast beef, old books, mown grass 320 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,631 and Mexican farmyard. 321 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:31,593 Here's one you'll like, Snowfall on 42nd Street. 322 00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:33,955 I'll put it on. 323 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,948 Now, you hold onto this, I'll pump it up. 324 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:46,115 Now, hold it up there. That's right. What do you smell? 325 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,438 Subways? 326 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,110 Perfume? 327 00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:08,795 Cigarettes! 328 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,993 - Snow. - Sn...! 329 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:21,477 It goes on and on. 330 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:23,953 It's just great. 331 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:28,716 But... then I decided to switch to the tactile. 332 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,630 - What do you think? - I like this. 333 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:38,838 No, no, really get close and reach in and feel. 334 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:41,832 There's my kettle. 335 00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,440 Well... stroke... 336 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:50,435 palm... caress... explore. 337 00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,957 Here we are. Oat straw tea and ginger pie. 338 00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:39,435 Excuse the mismatched saucers. 339 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:44,310 - This is a new experience for me. - Wonderful! 340 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:48,598 Try something new each day. After all, we're given life to find it out. 341 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:50,238 Doesn't last forever. 342 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:52,197 You look as if you could. 343 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:56,593 Did I tell you I'll be 80 on Saturday? 344 00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:58,238 You don't look 80. 345 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:02,598 That's the influence of the right food, exercises and breathing. 346 00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,035 Greet the dawn with a breath of fire. 347 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,717 There's no question, my body's giving out. 348 00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:24,554 I'm well into autumn. It's all gonna be over after Saturday. 349 00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:29,395 Tell me about yourself. What do you do when you aren't at funerals? 350 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:41,519 Yes, there is definitely a certain attraction. 351 00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:58,475 I ask you though, Harold, is it enough? 352 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:01,917 What do you mean? 353 00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:12,080 I like to watch things grow. 354 00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:25,039 They... grow and bloom and... fade and die 355 00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,270 and change into something else. 356 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:31,439 Life! 357 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:36,518 I should like to change into a sunflower most of all. 358 00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:39,592 They're so tall and simple. 359 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,830 What flower would you like to be? 360 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:44,478 I don't know. 361 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,792 - One of these maybe. - Why do you say that? 362 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,956 - Because they're all alike. - But they're not. 363 00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:59,160 Look, see, some are smaller, some are fatter. 364 00:35:59,240 --> 00:36:01,913 Some grow to the left, some to the right. 365 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,275 Some, even, have lost some petals. 366 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,828 All kinds of observable differences. 367 00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:12,636 You see, Harold, I feel that much of the world's sorrow 368 00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:14,995 comes from people who are this... 369 00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:21,032 yet, allow themselves to be treated as that. 370 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,198 Power steering. 371 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:12,591 That little tree is in trouble. Come on. 372 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:14,318 Look at it. 373 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,437 It's suffocating. It's the smog. 374 00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:22,115 People can live with it but trees, it gives them asthma. 375 00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:25,988 They can't breathe. The leaves! They're turning brown. 376 00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:29,550 Harold, we have got to do something about this life. 377 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:33,110 - What? - We'll transplant it to the forest. 378 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,270 - You can't do that. - Why not? 379 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:38,557 - This is public property. - Well, exactly. 380 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:41,995 Well, we'll need tools. 381 00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:45,117 You're right. We'll go see Glaucus. Come on. 382 00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:47,958 Wait a minute. 383 00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:50,519 Police. Come. 384 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:58,351 Good afternoon, Officer. A bit of trouble here? 385 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:01,352 Yes, ma'am. Someone had trouble parking. 386 00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:05,353 Tell me, that car over there, is that parked all right? 387 00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:07,112 Yes, ma'am, that's fine. 388 00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:11,557 Thank you so much. You might turn the radio off - saves the battery. 389 00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:43,390 A little after-dinner liqueur, Harold? 390 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:47,268 - Thank you, I don't drink. - It's all right, it's organic. 391 00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:50,238 - Thanks. - It has no nutritional value 392 00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:54,108 but consistency is not really a human trait. 393 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,236 What is that up there? 394 00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:58,151 That's my umbrella. 395 00:39:58,240 --> 00:40:02,153 That's just a relic. I found it when I was packing to come to America. 396 00:40:02,240 --> 00:40:05,550 It used to be my defence on picket lines and rallies 397 00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:07,392 and political meetings, 398 00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:11,268 being dragged off by the police and attacked by thugs. 399 00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,191 What were you fighting for? 400 00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:17,991 Big issue. Liberty, rights, justice. 401 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:21,390 Kings died, kingdoms fell. 402 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,675 I don't regret the kingdom. 403 00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:28,550 What sense in borders and nations and patriotism? 404 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:32,750 But I miss the kings. 405 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:38,273 When I was a little girl, I was taken to the palace in Vienna 406 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:39,918 to a garden party. 407 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:44,596 I can still see the sun shining, the parasols, 408 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:47,752 the flashing uniforms of the young officers. 409 00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,752 I thought then that I would marry a soldier. 410 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,753 Later on, Frederick would chide me about it. 411 00:40:57,520 --> 00:40:59,954 He was so serious. 412 00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,633 A doctor at the university... 413 00:41:04,720 --> 00:41:06,472 and in the government. 414 00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:21,313 But that was all before. 415 00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:32,398 So... 416 00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:37,955 you don't use the umbrella any more? 417 00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:44,037 No more revolts? 418 00:41:48,720 --> 00:41:51,439 Yes. Every day... 419 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:58,118 but... I don't need a defence any more, I embrace. 420 00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,794 Still fighting for the big issues 421 00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,509 but now in my small, individual way. 422 00:42:06,720 --> 00:42:09,109 Shall we have a song? 423 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:12,192 - I don't play... - Come on, I'll show you. 424 00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:13,474 No... 425 00:42:58,040 --> 00:42:59,712 Harold, join in. 426 00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:01,159 That was fun! Let's play something together! 427 00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:05,233 - I don't play anything. - Nothing?! 428 00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:10,235 Dear me! Everybody should be able to make some music. 429 00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:13,312 That's the cosmic dance. Come with me. 430 00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:15,709 There has to be something. 431 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,598 Now, let me see... 432 00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:22,956 Hold onto this. What is this? 433 00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:24,951 Just a second, there we are. 434 00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:27,679 You take... This is the one. Take that. 435 00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:31,878 Just be impulsive, be fanciful. Let the music flow out of you. 436 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,155 You gotta make some chords. 437 00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:36,993 Put your finger on the second fret there 438 00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:40,038 and this one on the third. Then this one here. 439 00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:58,353 Harold dear. 440 00:44:59,960 --> 00:45:01,473 There you are! 441 00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:06,394 I have a little surprise for you. 442 00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:08,993 It's a present. 443 00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:15,277 Come along. 444 00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:37,632 There! 445 00:45:37,720 --> 00:45:39,517 Isn't it darling? 446 00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:44,673 I had them take away that monstrous thing of yours and send this. 447 00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:47,558 So much more appropriate, don't you think? 448 00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:51,437 One thing more, Harold. 449 00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:54,034 I telephoned your second computer date 450 00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:56,475 and she seems a very nice, quiet girl. 451 00:45:56,560 --> 00:46:00,189 Cute little thing, isn't it? I like it very much. 452 00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,197 Your licence, lady. 453 00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:51,113 I don't have one. I don't believe in them. 454 00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:57,278 - How long you been driving, lady? - About 45 minutes, I guess. 455 00:46:57,360 --> 00:47:01,956 We were hoping to start sooner but it's rather hard to find a truck. 456 00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:03,871 Is this your truck? 457 00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:06,837 No, I just took it. 458 00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:09,832 - You took it? - Yes, I have to plant my tree. 459 00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:12,639 Well, it's not mine really 460 00:47:12,720 --> 00:47:16,793 but we would like to get it into soil as soon as possible. 461 00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:20,311 Let me get this straight, you... 462 00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:23,995 All right, then, we'll be off. Nice chatting with you. 463 00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:30,671 - He was very nice. - Yeah. 464 00:47:44,720 --> 00:47:47,678 - I think he's following us. - Is he?! 465 00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:51,914 The police, always wanting to play games. 466 00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,159 Ma'am! 467 00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:42,876 Is the little tree all right? 468 00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,038 Yeah, fine. 469 00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:48,758 Terrific! 470 00:48:58,120 --> 00:48:59,712 There. 471 00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:03,799 I love the feel of soil, don't you? 472 00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:06,232 And the smell. 473 00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:09,752 It's the earth... 474 00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:15,271 The earth is my body, my head is in the stars. 475 00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:17,672 Who said that? 476 00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:21,475 I don't know. 477 00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:23,471 I suppose I did. 478 00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:26,118 Poor baby. 479 00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:31,398 Isn't it wonderful?! All around us, living things. 480 00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:35,552 All right, out, lady. 481 00:50:37,240 --> 00:50:40,198 - Come on. - Hello. Have we met before? 482 00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,077 None of that, lady. Out. 483 00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:46,278 It must have been your brother. There is a family resemblance. 484 00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:52,035 Buddy, get out of the car. Just stand over there, lady. 485 00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:53,678 Get out, buster! 486 00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:55,876 You're in a lot of trouble, lady. 487 00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:58,872 I have you for several offences, including... 488 00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:00,996 possession of a stolen vehicle, 489 00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:04,755 resisting arrest and possession of a stolen tree. Where is it? 490 00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:06,876 - We planted it. - You planted it. 491 00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:09,030 - Is this your shovel? - No. 492 00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:12,596 Possession of a stolen shovel. 493 00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:15,877 Don't get officious. You're not yourself when you are. 494 00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:18,235 That's the curse of a government job. 495 00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:25,518 Lady. 496 00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:30,274 Are you gonna take a lot of time with this? 497 00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:34,433 - Lady, please. Just quiet, please. - Cos if you are... 498 00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:41,431 Grab the shovel, Harold. 499 00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:53,590 Lady! Stop or I'll have to shoot. 500 00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:20,631 I sure am picking up on vices. 501 00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:25,150 Vice? Virtue? It's best not to be too moral. 502 00:52:25,240 --> 00:52:29,233 You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. 503 00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:32,232 If you apply that to life, 504 00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:34,515 then you're bound to live it fully. 505 00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:42,792 I haven't lived. 506 00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:48,391 I've died a few times. 507 00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:49,879 What was that? 508 00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:52,799 Well... 509 00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:59,272 The first time was when I was at boarding school, 510 00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:01,112 in the chemistry lab. 511 00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:06,274 I was in there cleaning it up so I decided I'd do a little experiment. 512 00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:10,273 You know, so I got all this stuff out and began mixing it up, 513 00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:11,998 it was very scientific! 514 00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,149 There was this massive explosion. 515 00:53:17,240 --> 00:53:20,710 It knocked me down, blew out a huge hole in the floor. 516 00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:25,112 There was boards and bricks and flames leaping up. 517 00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:29,318 I figured, you know... time to leave. 518 00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:31,834 My career in school was over. 519 00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:36,271 So... I went home. 520 00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:40,956 My mother was a giving a party so I went up the back stairs to my room. 521 00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:45,953 Turned out the light and... I got this funny feeling. 522 00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:51,919 The doorbell rang. I went out to the banister 523 00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:54,798 and these two policemen came in, 524 00:53:54,880 --> 00:54:00,512 found my mother... and... told her 525 00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:03,034 that I was killed in the fire. 526 00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:07,236 She put one hand up to her forehead, 527 00:54:07,320 --> 00:54:10,915 the other one she reached out as if groping for support, 528 00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:14,436 and with this long sigh, 529 00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:17,910 she collapsed in their arms. 530 00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:50,196 I decided right then that I enjoyed being dead. 531 00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:56,198 I understand. A lot of people enjoy being dead 532 00:54:56,280 --> 00:54:58,271 but they're not dead really. 533 00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:02,478 They're just backing away from life. 534 00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:07,839 Reach out and take a chance, get hurt even, 535 00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:11,230 but play as well as you can. 536 00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:13,754 Go team, go! 537 00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:16,957 Gimme an L, gimme an I, gimme a V, gimme an E. 538 00:55:17,040 --> 00:55:19,838 L-l-V-E, live. 539 00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:25,314 Otherwise you got nothing to talk about in the locker room. 540 00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:36,758 I like you, Maude. 541 00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:40,637 I like you, Harold. 542 00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:16,238 Harold is down at the garage. 543 00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:19,073 He has a new car and he's just been tuning it up. 544 00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:21,913 - He's very mechanical. - What kind of car is it? 545 00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:23,672 It's a little Jaguar. 546 00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:28,557 It looks like a hearse. 547 00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:32,035 Very nice. You know, compact. 548 00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:34,714 Edith, I'd like you to meet my son Harold. 549 00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:36,472 Harold, this is Edith... 550 00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:40,432 - Phern. - Phern. Very pleased to meet you. 551 00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:44,911 I think you should go and wash up, dear. Join us in the drawing room. 552 00:56:45,960 --> 00:56:47,871 And what do you do, my dear? 553 00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:50,872 I'm a file clerk, Harrison Feed and Grain. 554 00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:53,474 Well, what is it exactly that you do? 555 00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:56,916 I'm in charge of all the invoices for the southwest. 556 00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:58,399 How interesting. 557 00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:02,109 We supply, for example, most of the egg farmers in Pataluma. 558 00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:04,760 - So you can imagine... - Yes. 559 00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:08,791 Here's Harold now. 560 00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:10,791 Don't get up, dear. 561 00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:19,075 Edith has been talking about her job. 562 00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:20,718 I'm a file clerk. 563 00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:22,518 Henderson Feed and Grain. 564 00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:26,354 Harrison, Harrison Feed and Grain. It's at Hamilton and 4th. 565 00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:28,271 I'm in charge of the invoices. 566 00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:31,914 I type up the schedule for the trucking fleet. 567 00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:34,878 She supplies the whole southwest with chicken feed. 568 00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:37,520 Well, not exactly the whole southwest, 569 00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:39,795 although we do do a large business. 570 00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:43,429 Barley was very big last week. 1,500... 571 00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:45,476 bushels. 572 00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:07,555 In view of your recent actions, Harold, 573 00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:09,676 you have left me with no recourse 574 00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:12,558 but to listen to your uncle's proposed solution. 575 00:58:12,640 --> 00:58:17,668 Consequently, I have instructed him to induct you into the service, 576 00:58:17,760 --> 00:58:19,876 and for your own good, 577 00:58:19,960 --> 00:58:23,839 to take up active duty with the United States army. 578 00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:28,555 And I hope they have more luck with you than I. 579 00:58:30,160 --> 00:58:33,152 Maude, they're gonna draft me. 580 00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:35,196 Well, don't go. 581 00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:37,157 They'll put me in jail. 582 00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:41,119 Well, historically, you'll be in very good company. 583 00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:47,390 Maude, can you help me? 584 00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:52,395 With your skill and my experience, I think we can come up with something. 585 00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:56,713 Look on me as a father in this matter. 586 00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,678 I know you have no desire to join the army 587 00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:03,469 but once you're in, you'll love it. It's a great life. 588 00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:07,678 Look at me - chauffeur, respect, money in the bank. 589 00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:12,390 It has its drawbacks like anything else, I suppose, 590 00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:17,429 but the army takes care of you and you've got a buddy for life. 591 00:59:19,800 --> 00:59:23,349 Good idea coming out here, Harold. It's a lovely spot. 592 00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:25,510 - Thank you, Uncle. - Call me sir. 593 00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:30,196 That's the first thing you learn. An officer deserves your respect. 594 00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:31,554 Yes, sir. 595 00:59:32,720 --> 00:59:34,676 Let's examine the facts on it. 596 00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:40,835 I say this country has been too harsh on its outright condemnation of war. 597 00:59:40,920 --> 00:59:44,629 You can point to the many material advantages brought about 598 00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,836 by a crisis and conflict policy. 599 00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:49,992 Hell, World War II gave us the ballpoint pen. 600 00:59:50,080 --> 00:59:53,152 In wartime, the national suicide rate drops. 601 00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:57,438 Is that a fact? Now, why in hell did we give up on the Germans? 602 00:59:57,520 --> 01:00:01,274 Since the damn politicians chalked them up on our side, 603 01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:04,750 the wars ever since have been a national disgrace. 604 01:00:04,840 --> 01:00:06,319 Hell, look at history - 605 01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:09,949 the two best wars we ever fought were against the Jerries. 606 01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:13,396 I say get the Krauts on the other side where they belong. 607 01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:17,837 Let's have an enemy worth killing and a war this country can support. 608 01:00:18,400 --> 01:00:20,914 That's pretty strong stuff, sir. 609 01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:25,039 Well, Harold, I've always been a man that speaks his piece. 610 01:00:25,120 --> 01:00:28,795 Always hurt me. I'm not liked in Washington. 611 01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:32,953 I know that... but I do have friends in high places. 612 01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:38,950 They kept falling! 613 01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:41,838 Joe falls back, a neat, red hole in his head. 614 01:00:43,120 --> 01:00:45,793 Only one thing kept going through my mind. 615 01:00:45,880 --> 01:00:50,829 Kill! Kill! For Joe and Mack and all the rest of the guys. 616 01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:53,798 Kill! And then there was a blinding flash... 617 01:00:58,320 --> 01:01:00,675 and I woke up on a stretcher. 618 01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:06,716 "Did we hold?" I asked the medic. 619 01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:09,792 "Yes, sir," he said... 620 01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:17,431 and I slipped into unconsciousness. 621 01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:20,319 Boy! 622 01:01:21,520 --> 01:01:23,590 That's a terrific story, sir. 623 01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:29,835 Well, you'll have stories like that to tell of your own some day. 624 01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:32,309 - Do you think so, sir? - Sure you will. 625 01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:35,949 Gee, I never dreamed it could be that exciting. 626 01:01:36,040 --> 01:01:38,679 It's the most exciting thing in the world. 627 01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:42,036 To pit your own life against another. 628 01:01:42,120 --> 01:01:43,997 - Yes. - To kill. 629 01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:47,389 The taste of blood in your mouth. 630 01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:49,471 The moment of truth. 631 01:01:49,560 --> 01:01:53,030 - Another man's life in your sights! - Yes! 632 01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:57,033 - Will they really teach me to shoot? - Sure. A range of weapons. 633 01:01:57,120 --> 01:01:59,714 - To use a bayonet? - Yes! 634 01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:02,473 - How about hand-to-hand combat? - Yes. 635 01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:04,596 To strangle someone, choke 'em, 636 01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:07,240 squeeze out his life in your bare hands! 637 01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:10,676 - You're getting carried away. - To slit his throat... 638 01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:13,320 - I don't know. - See the blood spurt out. 639 01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:15,391 - And souvenirs. - Souvenirs? 640 01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:18,950 Of your kill. Eyes, ears, nose, scalp, privates. 641 01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:23,511 What would be the chance of getting one of these? 642 01:02:23,600 --> 01:02:26,990 - To think I could make my own! - That's disgusting. 643 01:02:27,080 --> 01:02:30,072 - It certainly is. - Madam, who are you? 644 01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:33,550 - I am petitioning for peace. - Parasite. 645 01:02:33,640 --> 01:02:37,428 - I came here to speak. - Crazy parasite. Commie bastard. 646 01:02:37,520 --> 01:02:41,957 Don't you talk to me like that, you foul-mouthed degenerate. 647 01:02:42,040 --> 01:02:44,474 - Remember Nathan Hale. - Calm down. 648 01:02:44,560 --> 01:02:48,155 - She's a commie pig... - Don't you advance on me! 649 01:02:48,240 --> 01:02:50,435 You'll all end up like this. 650 01:02:50,520 --> 01:02:53,273 - Just like this! - Filth. Filth! 651 01:02:53,360 --> 01:02:56,432 Give me that. I'm gonna throw that in the sewer. 652 01:02:56,520 --> 01:02:58,750 - Madam, please. - She took my head. 653 01:02:58,840 --> 01:03:01,559 - Calm down, Harold. - She took my head! 654 01:03:01,640 --> 01:03:04,074 I'll kill her! I'll kill her! 655 01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:05,718 I'll kill her! 656 01:03:07,040 --> 01:03:09,918 Give back the head, let's have no trouble. Harold! 657 01:03:11,080 --> 01:03:12,957 Madam! 658 01:03:13,040 --> 01:03:14,758 Damn you! 659 01:03:17,200 --> 01:03:19,395 You took my head! You cow! 660 01:03:19,480 --> 01:03:21,436 - I'll kill you! - Help! 661 01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:25,872 I'll kill you. I'll kill you. 662 01:03:27,640 --> 01:03:29,756 Harold, stop that. 663 01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:52,589 What have you done? 664 01:04:03,480 --> 01:04:05,277 Do you pray? 665 01:04:06,280 --> 01:04:09,397 Pray? No, I communicate. 666 01:04:10,760 --> 01:04:12,716 With God? 667 01:04:12,800 --> 01:04:14,438 Life. 668 01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:20,988 - This is real nice. - Yeah. 669 01:04:21,080 --> 01:04:24,356 - Makes me want to do somersaults. - Why don't you? 670 01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:26,593 I'd feel stupid. 671 01:04:27,520 --> 01:04:31,877 Harold, everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. 672 01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:34,872 You can't let the world judge you too much. 673 01:04:54,760 --> 01:04:57,558 Do you care to join me in a little cartwheel? 674 01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:01,670 I feel more like yelling! 675 01:06:09,440 --> 01:06:12,398 I had the most wonderful day today... 676 01:06:12,480 --> 01:06:16,519 and... you're very beautiful. 677 01:06:22,720 --> 01:06:25,359 You make me feel like a schoolgirl. 678 01:06:34,160 --> 01:06:37,232 Shall I come and visit you tomorrow? Oh, I can't. 679 01:06:37,320 --> 01:06:41,199 I have a luncheon date... with a girl. 680 01:06:43,160 --> 01:06:46,914 I don't even know her. My mother arranged it. 681 01:06:51,400 --> 01:06:52,753 Look! 682 01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:58,548 Dreyfus once wrote from Devil's Island that he would see 683 01:06:58,640 --> 01:07:00,517 the most glorious birds. 684 01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:06,197 Many years later in Brittany, he realised they had only been seagulls. 685 01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:16,389 For me, they will always be glorious birds. 686 01:07:40,760 --> 01:07:45,231 I cannot emphasise too strongly the importance of this meeting. 687 01:07:45,320 --> 01:07:49,598 This is the last girl so this is your third and final chance. 688 01:07:49,680 --> 01:07:52,399 And please try to be serious, Harold. 689 01:07:52,480 --> 01:07:55,233 If not for your sake, at least for hers. 690 01:07:55,320 --> 01:07:57,151 There she is. 691 01:07:57,240 --> 01:07:59,800 Sunshine, I'd like you to meet Harold. 692 01:07:59,880 --> 01:08:01,836 Harold, this is Sunshine Dor�. 693 01:08:01,920 --> 01:08:03,956 How do... How do you do? 694 01:08:04,040 --> 01:08:05,951 I can't complain. 695 01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:09,196 Sunshine is an actress, Harold. 696 01:08:09,280 --> 01:08:11,953 - I like to think so. - Wonderful. 697 01:08:12,040 --> 01:08:14,918 Why don't you two go down to the music room 698 01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:17,389 and I'll follow with some drinks. 699 01:08:17,480 --> 01:08:20,233 Or perhaps Starlight would like a cigarette. 700 01:08:20,880 --> 01:08:23,235 - Sunshine! - Yes, of course. 701 01:08:23,320 --> 01:08:24,912 Sunshine. 702 01:08:42,840 --> 01:08:45,035 Would you like a cigarette? 703 01:08:45,120 --> 01:08:48,078 No, thank you. They stain my fingers. 704 01:08:48,160 --> 01:08:50,230 Is Sunshine your real name? 705 01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:55,314 Well, actually it was the name of my drama teacher, Louis Sunshine. 706 01:08:55,400 --> 01:08:57,311 Perhaps you've heard of him? 707 01:08:57,400 --> 01:09:01,712 He was such an influence on the development of my instrument. 708 01:09:01,800 --> 01:09:05,475 That means my body in theatre talk. 709 01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:07,835 Dor� is my real name. 710 01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:11,992 Well, Dore, actually. 711 01:09:12,080 --> 01:09:16,596 Oh, my! What a lovely place you have here. 712 01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:27,718 Do you play? 713 01:09:27,800 --> 01:09:32,635 No. I am learning the ban... The harmonica. 714 01:09:34,480 --> 01:09:36,914 Is this your father? 715 01:09:38,040 --> 01:09:40,349 No. It's my Uncle Victor. 716 01:09:40,440 --> 01:09:45,389 He's in the army. I do so like the military, don't you? 717 01:09:47,080 --> 01:09:49,913 What a wonderful collection of knives. May I see them? 718 01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:52,150 No, don't touch. They're very old. 719 01:09:52,240 --> 01:09:54,515 Do you enjoy knives? 720 01:09:54,600 --> 01:09:56,238 Oh, yes! 721 01:09:56,320 --> 01:10:01,348 You might find this one interesting. It's a Hara-Kiri blade. 722 01:10:02,960 --> 01:10:04,518 What's Hara-Kiri? 723 01:11:34,240 --> 01:11:36,231 That was marvellous! 724 01:11:37,400 --> 01:11:39,868 It had the ring of truth. 725 01:11:39,960 --> 01:11:44,511 I played Juliet in the Sunshine Playhouse. 726 01:11:44,600 --> 01:11:47,160 Louis thought it was my best performance. 727 01:11:50,320 --> 01:11:54,791 What's here? A cup, closed in my true love's hand? 728 01:11:57,160 --> 01:12:01,950 Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end. 729 01:12:03,000 --> 01:12:06,151 O, happy dagger. 730 01:12:07,440 --> 01:12:10,238 O, happy dagger, 731 01:12:10,320 --> 01:12:13,710 this is thy sheath, there rest... 732 01:12:14,440 --> 01:12:16,954 ...and let me die... 733 01:12:24,080 --> 01:12:26,435 I-I've... 734 01:12:47,560 --> 01:12:49,915 That was your last date. 735 01:13:24,960 --> 01:13:27,155 It wasn't very scary. 736 01:13:27,240 --> 01:13:29,993 No. It had nothing on this afternoon. 737 01:13:30,080 --> 01:13:33,834 Come on, you loved it. It was a new experience. 738 01:14:29,880 --> 01:14:31,836 You sure have a way with people. 739 01:14:33,040 --> 01:14:35,076 Well, they're my species. 740 01:14:39,120 --> 01:14:41,111 Look at these stars. 741 01:14:55,760 --> 01:14:57,113 Here. 742 01:14:58,520 --> 01:15:00,158 A gift! 743 01:15:06,360 --> 01:15:08,396 "Harold loves Maude" 744 01:15:13,840 --> 01:15:16,035 And Maude loves Harold. 745 01:15:19,760 --> 01:15:24,675 This is the nicest present that I've received in years. 746 01:15:34,880 --> 01:15:37,872 So I'll always know where it is. 747 01:16:34,160 --> 01:16:36,515 Could I speak with F�e, please? 748 01:16:38,720 --> 01:16:42,793 F�e? Darling, I know Ren� will be furious but... 749 01:16:42,880 --> 01:16:45,872 If he knew what I had to put up with in the last few days. 750 01:16:45,960 --> 01:16:47,712 - Mother. - Not now, dear. 751 01:16:47,800 --> 01:16:49,916 Could you put me down for Monday? 752 01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:52,833 - I'd like to talk to you. - I'm on the phone. 753 01:16:52,920 --> 01:16:54,717 I'm getting married. 754 01:16:54,800 --> 01:16:56,392 What did you say? 755 01:16:58,240 --> 01:16:59,753 I'm getting married. 756 01:17:01,960 --> 01:17:03,598 Hold the line, F�e. 757 01:17:06,000 --> 01:17:07,911 To who? 758 01:17:14,360 --> 01:17:18,717 I suppose you think this is very funny, Harold. A sunflower. 759 01:17:25,160 --> 01:17:27,720 You can't be serious. 760 01:17:50,640 --> 01:17:54,189 Your mother has spoken to me about your marriage plan 761 01:17:54,280 --> 01:17:57,511 and although I have nothing against marriage, 762 01:17:57,600 --> 01:18:01,752 I don't think this is quite... normal. 763 01:18:01,840 --> 01:18:06,072 A very common neurosis, particularly in this society, 764 01:18:06,160 --> 01:18:11,439 whereby the male child subconsciously wishes to sleep with his mother. 765 01:18:12,400 --> 01:18:14,630 Of course, what puzzles me, Harold, 766 01:18:14,720 --> 01:18:17,598 is that you want to sleep with your grandmother. 767 01:18:17,680 --> 01:18:20,717 I would be remiss in my duty... 768 01:18:20,800 --> 01:18:23,234 if I did not tell you... 769 01:18:23,320 --> 01:18:25,311 that the idea of... 770 01:18:27,680 --> 01:18:29,318 intercourse... 771 01:18:32,000 --> 01:18:34,275 and the fact of your firm, young... 772 01:18:36,160 --> 01:18:37,752 body... 773 01:18:40,720 --> 01:18:42,312 co-mingling... 774 01:18:44,080 --> 01:18:46,036 with the... 775 01:18:46,120 --> 01:18:47,997 withered flesh... 776 01:18:49,480 --> 01:18:51,596 sagging... 777 01:18:51,680 --> 01:18:54,114 breasts... 778 01:18:54,200 --> 01:18:55,792 and... 779 01:18:55,880 --> 01:18:57,598 flabby... 780 01:19:02,360 --> 01:19:03,998 buttocks... 781 01:19:06,040 --> 01:19:07,678 makes me want... 782 01:19:10,000 --> 01:19:11,194 to vomit. 783 01:19:26,640 --> 01:19:28,870 It's... dazzling. 784 01:19:59,680 --> 01:20:02,069 You've thought of everything, 785 01:20:02,160 --> 01:20:04,310 and champagne. 786 01:20:04,400 --> 01:20:06,356 It's all right, it's organic. 787 01:20:14,080 --> 01:20:15,513 For you. 788 01:20:20,160 --> 01:20:21,593 And... 789 01:20:23,360 --> 01:20:25,078 after dinner... 790 01:20:31,720 --> 01:20:33,915 one more little surprise... 791 01:20:35,960 --> 01:20:39,316 that I hope will make you very happy. 792 01:20:42,000 --> 01:20:43,877 I am happy. 793 01:20:50,280 --> 01:20:53,590 I couldn't imagine a lovelier farewell. 794 01:20:56,800 --> 01:20:58,392 Farewell? 795 01:20:58,480 --> 01:21:00,869 Yes, it's my 80th birthday. 796 01:21:03,840 --> 01:21:08,994 Well, you're not going anywhere... are you? 797 01:21:09,080 --> 01:21:12,755 Yes, dear. I took the tablets an hour ago. 798 01:21:13,840 --> 01:21:16,149 I'll be gone by midnight. 799 01:21:32,040 --> 01:21:33,996 What?! 800 01:21:38,360 --> 01:21:42,148 What a fuss this is. So unnecessary. 801 01:21:42,240 --> 01:21:45,038 Don't die, Maude, for Christ's sake. 802 01:21:48,320 --> 01:21:51,153 Don't upset yourself so. 803 01:21:52,280 --> 01:21:53,713 I love you. 804 01:21:54,200 --> 01:21:55,758 I love you. 805 01:21:57,800 --> 01:22:02,351 Harold... that's wonderful. 806 01:22:04,480 --> 01:22:06,596 Go and love some more. 807 01:22:12,280 --> 01:22:14,350 Never. Never.