1 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:19,420 "It's that time Christmas time is here 2 00:00:20,460 --> 00:00:25,090 "Everybody knows There's not a better time of year 3 00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:28,090 "Hear that sleigh." 4 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:53,390 "Gonna make this holiday As perfect as can be 5 00:00:54,290 --> 00:00:57,630 "Just wait and see This Christmas vacation. 6 00:01:00,070 --> 00:01:04,730 "This old house Sure is looking good 7 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:10,130 "Got ourselves the finest snowman In the neighborhood. 8 00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:13,080 "Ain't it fun? 9 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:18,070 "Always on the run That's how it's done 10 00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,650 "On Christmas vacation. 11 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,320 "Let's all deck the halls 12 00:01:24,590 --> 00:01:26,420 "And light the lights 13 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,820 "Get a toasty fire 14 00:01:30,260 --> 00:01:32,090 "Burning bright. 15 00:01:33,770 --> 00:01:35,530 "Give Saint Nick 16 00:01:35,770 --> 00:01:38,670 "The warmest welcome That he's ever had 17 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:42,840 "We're so glad it's Christmas vacation. 18 00:01:45,450 --> 00:01:47,110 "And when the nights 19 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:50,050 "Are peaceful and serene 20 00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:56,350 "We can cuddle up And do our Christmas dreamin'. 21 00:01:59,290 --> 00:02:01,090 "Peace and joy and love 22 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:02,990 "Are everywhere 23 00:02:04,870 --> 00:02:07,630 "You can feel the magic in the air. 24 00:02:10,470 --> 00:02:14,770 "Let the spirit of the season Carry us away 25 00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:19,210 "Hip, hip, hooray For Christmas vacation." 26 00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:11,190 That was beautiful, honey. 27 00:03:25,850 --> 00:03:26,940 Take it, Russ. 28 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,640 Dad, can you explain again what we're doing? 29 00:03:33,090 --> 00:03:36,450 We're kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas... 30 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:39,990 ...by heading out to the country in the front-wheel drive sleigh... 31 00:03:40,060 --> 00:03:43,120 ...to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape... 32 00:03:43,460 --> 00:03:46,300 ...and select that most important of Christmas symbols. 33 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:50,090 We're not driving way out here so you can get one of those stupid ties... 34 00:03:50,170 --> 00:03:52,400 ...with the Santa Clauses on it, are we, Dad? 35 00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:54,610 No, I have one of those at home. 36 00:03:55,140 --> 00:03:58,810 What we're looking for today is the Griswold family Christmas tree. 37 00:04:09,090 --> 00:04:11,680 - What's the matter? - Some jackass is riding my tail. 38 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,900 Slow down and let him pass. 39 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:31,930 Don't provoke them. 40 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,510 Hey, kids. Look, a deer! 41 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:56,870 Clark! Slow down! 42 00:04:57,540 --> 00:05:00,060 You want to ride behind somebody like that? 43 00:05:00,340 --> 00:05:04,040 I'm going to pull around them... burn some dust, here. 44 00:05:04,580 --> 00:05:05,940 Eat my rubber. 45 00:05:06,650 --> 00:05:10,550 Dad, I think what you mean is, "Burn rubber" and "Eat my dust." 46 00:05:10,850 --> 00:05:11,880 Whatever, Russ. 47 00:05:17,420 --> 00:05:19,550 Eat my road grit, liver lips! 48 00:05:24,730 --> 00:05:26,130 That's enough of that. 49 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,440 Speaking of Christmas trees, can one of you tell me... 50 00:05:33,510 --> 00:05:36,530 ...what the first kind of tree displayed at the White House was? 51 00:05:36,610 --> 00:05:37,600 They're back. 52 00:05:43,020 --> 00:05:45,920 Stop it! I don't want to spend the holidays dead. 53 00:05:46,790 --> 00:05:49,310 Honey, please. I'll do the driving, okay? 54 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,450 Will you just take it easy? 55 00:05:51,830 --> 00:05:53,590 I'm in complete control. 56 00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:56,930 I'll get around this egg timer. 57 00:06:01,130 --> 00:06:02,690 Uh... Dad?! 58 00:06:13,550 --> 00:06:15,510 We're all right! Thank God! 59 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,880 Clark, we're stuck under a truck! 60 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,950 Do you honestly think I don't know that?! 61 00:06:20,020 --> 00:06:21,850 Come on, you guys. Don't fight. 62 00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:24,320 For Christ's sake, I didn't do this on purpose. 63 00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:29,820 Our Father, who art in heaven... 64 00:06:30,130 --> 00:06:33,570 ...hallowed be Thy name. And forgive my husband. 65 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:36,630 - He knows not what he does. - Amen! 66 00:06:54,750 --> 00:06:56,480 We made pretty good time. 67 00:07:03,460 --> 00:07:06,330 Dad, didn't they invent Christmas tree lots... 68 00:07:06,430 --> 00:07:10,560 ...so people don't have to drive way out to nowhere and waste a Saturday? 69 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:11,900 They invented 'em... 70 00:07:11,970 --> 00:07:15,410 ...because people forgot how to have a fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. 71 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:19,610 They're satisfied with scrawny, dead, overpriced trees with no special meaning. 72 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:20,610 My toes are numb. 73 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,710 This is what our forefathers did. 74 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,780 I can't feel my leg. 75 00:07:24,950 --> 00:07:27,390 They walked out into the woods, picked out that special tree... 76 00:07:27,450 --> 00:07:28,890 ...and they cut it down with their bare hands. 77 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,860 Mom, I can't feel my hips. 78 00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:32,450 - Clark? - Yes, honey? 79 00:07:32,590 --> 00:07:35,030 Audrey's frozen from the waist down. 80 00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:37,220 That's all part of the experience, honey. 81 00:07:39,430 --> 00:07:40,300 There it is. 82 00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:01,640 The Griswold family Christmas tree. 83 00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:09,660 Isn't it a little big? 84 00:08:10,330 --> 00:08:12,660 It's not big, it's just full. 85 00:08:13,270 --> 00:08:15,430 That thing wouldn't fit in our yard. 86 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,930 It's not going in our yard, Russ. It's going in our living room. 87 00:08:24,940 --> 00:08:27,570 - Look at it. - It really is beautiful, Clark. 88 00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:30,750 - It's something else, huh, Russ? - Yeah, Dad. 89 00:08:30,980 --> 00:08:32,180 Isn't it a beaut, Audrey? 90 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:33,810 She'll see it later, honey. 91 00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:35,450 Her eyes are frozen. 92 00:08:36,490 --> 00:08:39,360 The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in... 93 00:08:39,430 --> 00:08:42,120 ...the warm embrace of kith and kin. 94 00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:47,120 This tree is a symbol of the spirit of the Griswold family Christmas. 95 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,130 Did you bring a saw? 96 00:09:36,220 --> 00:09:39,980 Looks like the toad overestimated the height of his ceiling. 97 00:09:51,660 --> 00:09:52,790 Hey, Griswold! 98 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,530 Where will you put a tree that big? 99 00:09:57,370 --> 00:09:59,100 Bend over and I'll show you. 100 00:10:00,370 --> 00:10:02,670 You got a lot of nerve talking to me like that. 101 00:10:02,780 --> 00:10:04,470 I wasn't talking to you. 102 00:10:21,590 --> 00:10:24,060 Do you think there's enough room for the angel? 103 00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:28,530 Sure, honey. I have a little more trimming to do, but that won't be a problem. 104 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:29,630 Ready? 105 00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:33,200 I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree. 106 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,380 There's a lot of sap in here. 107 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,190 It looks great. A little full. A lot of sap. 108 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,910 Did I tell you I talked to my mother today? 109 00:11:14,350 --> 00:11:17,080 They've decided they're coming for Christmas, too. 110 00:11:18,180 --> 00:11:19,710 It's not too late to change our plans... 111 00:11:19,790 --> 00:11:21,380 No, no, that's great. 112 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,780 I think you're forgetting how difficult it's gonna be... 113 00:11:25,860 --> 00:11:28,290 ...having everybody in the house at the same time. 114 00:11:28,530 --> 00:11:31,120 They're family, not strangers off the street. 115 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,020 All they do is argue. 116 00:11:34,270 --> 00:11:36,240 Christmas is about resolving differences... 117 00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:39,070 ...and seeing through the petty problems of family life. 118 00:11:39,140 --> 00:11:43,130 And it's about my mother accusing your mother of buying cheap hot dogs. 119 00:11:43,340 --> 00:11:47,800 And your mother accusing my mother of waxing her upper lip, and... 120 00:11:48,050 --> 00:11:50,680 ...then they don't speak to... - Your mother waxes her upper lip? 121 00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:52,410 She has for years. 122 00:11:52,890 --> 00:11:54,250 It doesn't show. 123 00:11:55,220 --> 00:11:58,280 I don't know, Sparky, I just have this feeling it's not... 124 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,660 I want to have Christmas here, in our house. 125 00:12:01,260 --> 00:12:02,520 It means a lot to me. 126 00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:06,060 All my life I've wanted to have a big family Christmas. 127 00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:13,160 It's just that you build things up in your mind, Sparky. 128 00:12:14,810 --> 00:12:18,470 You set standards no family event can ever live up to. 129 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,270 When have I ever done that? 130 00:12:24,950 --> 00:12:25,980 Parties. 131 00:12:27,090 --> 00:12:28,180 Weddings. 132 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,950 - Good night, honey. - Anniversaries. 133 00:12:31,590 --> 00:12:32,680 Funerals. 134 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:35,180 Holidays. 135 00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:36,830 Vacations. 136 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,490 Graduations. 137 00:13:01,420 --> 00:13:04,650 Guess you'll be lookin' at a nice fat Christmas bonus this year, huh? 138 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,560 Word is you're an excellent choice to be named... 139 00:13:06,630 --> 00:13:08,420 ...Food Additive Designer of the Year. 140 00:13:08,490 --> 00:13:10,690 - Nah... - I'm not kidding. 141 00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:13,500 What's that new thing you got over there at Food 'N' Dry? 142 00:13:13,570 --> 00:13:17,300 The crunch enhancer? That's a non-nutritive cereal varnish. 143 00:13:17,370 --> 00:13:18,960 It's semi-permeable. It's not osmotic. 144 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,770 What it does is, it coats and seals the flake. 145 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,240 It prevents the milk from penetrating it. 146 00:13:22,310 --> 00:13:24,570 Yeah, it's a beautiful product. 147 00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:25,510 I like it. 148 00:13:25,610 --> 00:13:28,080 What are you gonna do with that big bonus check? 149 00:13:28,180 --> 00:13:29,510 You're gonna blow it on yourself, I hope. 150 00:13:29,580 --> 00:13:30,880 Me? Heck, no. 151 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,410 Take a look at this. 152 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,550 I just hope my Christmas bonus check will cover it. 153 00:13:40,630 --> 00:13:43,290 Oh, my God. You're putting in a pool. 154 00:13:53,140 --> 00:13:56,440 I went ahead and I put a $7,500 deposit down on it. 155 00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,700 You're the last true family man. 156 00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:01,240 Mark. 157 00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:03,350 Clark. 158 00:14:05,250 --> 00:14:06,240 That's Bill, sir. 159 00:14:06,650 --> 00:14:09,850 Are you the one who's working on that non-nutritive cereal varnish? 160 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:10,790 Yes, sir. 161 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,190 I've got to give a speech to a trade group. I'd like to mention it. 162 00:14:14,260 --> 00:14:17,420 Write up a brief summary and have it to me by the end of the day. 163 00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,520 My pleasure. 164 00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:22,930 Layman's terms. None of that inside, bullshit jargon that nobody understands. 165 00:14:23,370 --> 00:14:24,600 Yes, sir. 166 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,470 Oh, Mr. Shirley... 167 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,780 We got your Christmas card the other day, and... 168 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:35,110 ...my family and I are very flattered that you remembered us. 169 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:36,840 Corporate cards. 170 00:14:41,420 --> 00:14:42,980 Don't forget that report, Bill. 171 00:14:43,060 --> 00:14:44,580 Yes, sir. Merry Christmas. 172 00:14:46,790 --> 00:14:50,390 Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. 173 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:51,990 Happy Hanukkah. 174 00:15:18,090 --> 00:15:19,850 Can I show you something? 175 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,660 I was just smelling... smiling. 176 00:15:30,970 --> 00:15:32,460 I was blouse... browsing. 177 00:15:33,740 --> 00:15:35,730 For your wife or girlfriend? 178 00:15:37,740 --> 00:15:39,510 What? What happened? 179 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,050 I guess it wouldn't be any... 180 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,050 It wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season... 181 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,720 ...if the stores were any less hooter than they... Hotter than they are. 182 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:56,920 It is warm in here. 183 00:15:57,030 --> 00:15:59,190 - When you have your coat on. - Do I? 184 00:15:59,370 --> 00:16:01,560 - How did that happen? - Because it's cold out. 185 00:16:01,630 --> 00:16:03,730 Yes. Yes. 186 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,640 It is. It's a bit nipply out. I mean, nippy out. 187 00:16:07,210 --> 00:16:08,940 What am I saying? Nipple? 188 00:16:09,780 --> 00:16:11,940 There is a nip in the air, though. 189 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,140 Can I take something out for you? 190 00:16:23,290 --> 00:16:24,980 I was just, uh... 191 00:16:25,890 --> 00:16:28,290 I was looking at something for my wife. 192 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:29,960 God rest her soul. 193 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:31,750 Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 194 00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:35,230 Oh, no, no, she's not dead, yet. We're just divorced. 195 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,300 She's history. 196 00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:39,170 Obviously, she doesn't wear underwear... 197 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:43,610 ...there are plenty of shopping days left until adultery... adulthood. 198 00:16:43,740 --> 00:16:47,180 Which is to say, Christmas, as in Yule. Yule log. 199 00:16:47,510 --> 00:16:50,510 Not a log. I don't have a log, but I mean, you know... 200 00:16:50,580 --> 00:16:53,880 ...if I had a log. Not in the sense you think I said I did. 201 00:16:55,690 --> 00:16:56,810 Good golly. 202 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,590 'Tis the season to be merry. 203 00:16:59,830 --> 00:17:01,050 Well, that's my name. 204 00:17:01,130 --> 00:17:02,290 No shit. 205 00:17:18,340 --> 00:17:20,540 These are cut really high on the hip. 206 00:17:20,610 --> 00:17:24,170 Look, I'm wearing something similar. See? You can't see the line. 207 00:17:24,350 --> 00:17:27,380 - You can't see the line, can you, Russ? - No. 208 00:17:34,730 --> 00:17:38,890 Look, Daddy, teacher says every time a bell rings... 209 00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:41,290 ...an angel gets his wings. 210 00:18:14,930 --> 00:18:16,200 Folks! 211 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,000 Merry Christmas. 212 00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:30,080 Look how big you've gotten. 213 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,180 Merry Christmas. 214 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:33,850 Mom. 215 00:18:34,350 --> 00:18:35,840 Knock on the door. 216 00:18:39,130 --> 00:18:40,720 Doesn't Nora look old? 217 00:18:40,860 --> 00:18:42,350 You promised, you promised... 218 00:18:42,430 --> 00:18:44,560 They took a pint of fluid out of my lower back. 219 00:18:44,630 --> 00:18:47,960 You see this mole? This mole on my neck? You think it's changing color? 220 00:18:48,030 --> 00:18:50,470 No. You keep touching it. It's getting redder. 221 00:18:50,540 --> 00:18:51,900 I got hemorrhoids. 222 00:18:52,070 --> 00:18:52,970 Could you believe that? 223 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,840 - Oh, Mother. - Isn't that terrible? 224 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,570 - You're not getting the space... - After what you did to my car? 225 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,800 I'm doing the parking. Come and help me with the... 226 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:03,010 Mom, they're not sleeping in my room. I'm gonna go crazy... 227 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:06,480 Sweetheart, your grandma Nora's got a real painful burr on her heel. 228 00:19:06,550 --> 00:19:08,950 If you rub it for me, I'll give you a quarter. 229 00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,890 - A quarter. - And I'll give Audrey a quarter, too. 230 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,590 I'm going to put my car in the garage! 231 00:19:14,660 --> 00:19:16,560 I'll park the cars. 232 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,330 This is what Christmas is all about. 233 00:19:21,130 --> 00:19:25,130 I'll park the cars and check the luggage, and... 234 00:19:25,570 --> 00:19:27,900 I'll be outside for the season. 235 00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:34,100 We'll have the best-looking house in town. 236 00:19:34,180 --> 00:19:36,010 I've always wanted to do this. 237 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,810 That's a lot of lights, Dad. 238 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,820 I'm sure it's a lot of work, but if I'm out in the cold... 239 00:19:40,890 --> 00:19:43,120 ...and I'm committed to decorating the house... 240 00:19:43,190 --> 00:19:46,020 ...I'm gonna do it right and I'm gonna do it big. 241 00:19:46,930 --> 00:19:49,620 You want something you can be proud of, don't you? 242 00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:51,090 Yeah, I guess so. 243 00:19:51,430 --> 00:19:53,090 Sure you do. 244 00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,930 You think you might be overdoing it, Dad? 245 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,370 Russ, when was the last time I overdid anything? 246 00:20:02,510 --> 00:20:04,500 Come on, unravel these. 247 00:20:05,780 --> 00:20:07,640 You have to check every bulb. 248 00:20:07,710 --> 00:20:10,380 A little knot here. You work on that. 249 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,310 I'll get the other box. 250 00:20:27,130 --> 00:20:29,160 I hope he falls and breaks his neck. 251 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:33,870 I'm sure he'll fall. But I don't think we're lucky enough to have him break his neck. 252 00:20:36,310 --> 00:20:37,640 Let's go. 253 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:09,840 These gusty winds appear to be playing havoc with the giant nutcracker float. 254 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:14,030 At this point, I can't even see the nuts. They must have blown away. 255 00:21:14,450 --> 00:21:18,710 But nothing is going to dampen the spirit of this holiday crowd, I can tell you that. 256 00:21:18,780 --> 00:21:21,280 Oh, here they are. Here come the nuts. 257 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:42,130 Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel? 258 00:22:43,370 --> 00:22:46,170 Can we at least forbid them to answer the phone? 259 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:49,000 Alexander called this morning and Grandpa Clark told him... 260 00:22:49,070 --> 00:22:52,310 ...I couldn't come to the phone 'cause I was going to the bathroom. 261 00:22:52,380 --> 00:22:54,540 We're all making sacrifices, Audrey. 262 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:55,780 Everybody? 263 00:22:55,850 --> 00:22:59,880 Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is? 264 00:22:59,950 --> 00:23:04,120 I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic. 265 00:23:04,690 --> 00:23:09,060 I have nightmares about what he does in bed alone when I'm not lying next to him. 266 00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:12,630 I don't know what to say except it's Christmas... 267 00:23:13,070 --> 00:23:14,900 ...and we're all in misery. 268 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,360 Ellen, are you smoking again? 269 00:23:19,270 --> 00:23:20,700 No! 270 00:23:31,950 --> 00:23:34,420 Dad, where do you want these reindeer? 271 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,920 Just put them on the lawn, Russ. 272 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,060 I can't find the Santa Claus. 273 00:23:42,330 --> 00:23:45,230 It's in the basement. We'll get it later. 274 00:24:41,220 --> 00:24:43,550 Clark? Dinner's ready. 275 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,790 Okay, honey. I'm starving. 276 00:25:05,910 --> 00:25:10,280 Obviously something broke the window. Something hit the stereo. 277 00:25:20,030 --> 00:25:22,690 And why is the carpet all wet, Todd? 278 00:25:22,830 --> 00:25:25,190 I don't know, Margo. 279 00:25:33,110 --> 00:25:36,270 You wanna hurry this up, Clark? I'm freezing my baguettes off. 280 00:25:36,340 --> 00:25:40,640 Two hundred and fifty strands of lights, 100 individual bulbs per strand... 281 00:25:41,050 --> 00:25:44,640 ...for a grand total of 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights. 282 00:25:47,050 --> 00:25:48,210 Twenty-five thousand. 283 00:25:48,350 --> 00:25:50,550 I hope nobody I know drives by... 284 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:54,350 ...and sees me standing in the yard, staring at my house in my pajamas. 285 00:25:54,430 --> 00:25:57,550 If they know your dad, they won't think anything of it. 286 00:25:57,630 --> 00:25:59,120 Fire it up! 287 00:26:00,370 --> 00:26:04,560 I dedicate this house to the Griswold family Christmas. 288 00:26:07,770 --> 00:26:09,140 Drum roll, please. 289 00:26:11,780 --> 00:26:12,800 Drum roll. 290 00:26:27,590 --> 00:26:31,260 "Joy to the world." 291 00:26:45,610 --> 00:26:47,040 Beautiful, Clark. 292 00:26:48,010 --> 00:26:50,170 Talk about pissing your money away. 293 00:26:51,020 --> 00:26:55,420 I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was. 294 00:26:55,690 --> 00:26:57,680 He worked really hard, Grandma. 295 00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,690 So do washing machines. 296 00:27:04,630 --> 00:27:06,530 Let's get in where it's warm. 297 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:11,860 Clark, baby, I can picture it in my mind and it's breathtaking. 298 00:27:15,340 --> 00:27:16,500 Thanks, Mom. 299 00:27:17,210 --> 00:27:22,240 It's probably a bad bulb. You know, if one goes out, the whole thing won't work. 300 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:25,640 If I were you, I'd personally check each one. 301 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,220 I did that, Dad. 302 00:27:27,450 --> 00:27:31,320 If you need any help, give me a holler. I'll be upstairs asleep. 303 00:27:33,390 --> 00:27:37,730 I'm sorry, Daddy. It looks good, even if they're not lit. 304 00:27:39,330 --> 00:27:40,920 Thank you, sweetheart. 305 00:27:47,410 --> 00:27:50,070 Well, Dad, it was a good try. 306 00:27:50,410 --> 00:27:51,740 Thanks, Russ. 307 00:27:54,410 --> 00:27:56,780 We checked every bulb, didn't we? 308 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,680 I'm sure of it. 309 00:28:03,790 --> 00:28:05,780 Maybe we ought to go up there and just... 310 00:28:05,860 --> 00:28:07,590 Geez! Look at the time. 311 00:28:08,490 --> 00:28:09,980 I have to go to bed. 312 00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:12,400 Brush my teeth, feed the hog. 313 00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:16,730 I still got some homework to do, do the laundry, wash the car... 314 00:28:22,710 --> 00:28:24,770 Don't stay up too late. 315 00:28:46,300 --> 00:28:48,660 Get off me, you little fungus. 316 00:30:49,860 --> 00:30:52,350 Where the hell is that cold coming from? 317 00:31:15,380 --> 00:31:18,370 - I need just a few more... - Pay by check, if you can. 318 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:21,880 - Not a card? - No, it's a hassle if you have to return. 319 00:31:28,890 --> 00:31:29,720 Help! 320 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,060 Daddy. Is Clark coming? 321 00:31:32,130 --> 00:31:33,390 How the hell would I know? 322 00:31:33,470 --> 00:31:34,430 Is he in the house? 323 00:31:34,500 --> 00:31:37,400 If he's not farting around with the lights, he must be. 324 00:31:37,470 --> 00:31:40,340 I'm sure he wants to come shopping and have lunch with us. 325 00:31:40,410 --> 00:31:45,310 He's got another car. He can drive. I have to eat so I can take my back pill. 326 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:50,280 I want to take off these clothes, sit with a glass of wine... 327 00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,290 ...and kiss every inch of your body. 328 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,190 - After you shower, of course. - Of course. 329 00:36:11,540 --> 00:36:13,980 - Sparky? - Yes, honey. 330 00:36:23,020 --> 00:36:26,480 Are you out here for a reason, or are you just avoiding the family? 331 00:36:26,830 --> 00:36:29,660 I still have a couple hundred more bulbs to check. 332 00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,500 Meantime, I can light the Santa... 333 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,830 ...and the eight tiny reindeer and the "Merry Christmas" sign. 334 00:36:35,900 --> 00:36:38,390 That should look good. Ready? 335 00:36:38,670 --> 00:36:40,330 Want me to do the drum roll thing? 336 00:36:40,410 --> 00:36:42,500 No, it's okay. Here goes nothing. 337 00:36:50,250 --> 00:36:51,880 I don't understand it. 338 00:36:53,590 --> 00:36:56,820 The house lights don't work, the floodlights don't work. 339 00:36:59,090 --> 00:37:00,580 Is it plugged in? 340 00:37:00,930 --> 00:37:03,760 Do you think I would check thousands of tiny lights... 341 00:37:03,830 --> 00:37:06,890 ...if I wasn't sure the extension cord was plugged in? 342 00:37:08,770 --> 00:37:11,260 You used more than one cord, didn't you? 343 00:37:13,610 --> 00:37:17,470 Maybe the kids have been fooling around with it. I'll check in the back. 344 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:39,360 Clark! 345 00:37:41,970 --> 00:37:43,700 - Todd! - Sorry! 346 00:37:47,340 --> 00:37:49,740 Honey, I think I know what's wrong. 347 00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:06,480 I can't see! 348 00:38:25,180 --> 00:38:26,580 This ought to do it. 349 00:38:40,330 --> 00:38:41,310 I fixed it! 350 00:38:44,860 --> 00:38:47,700 Everybody! Come out quick! Look at the lights! 351 00:38:56,740 --> 00:38:58,710 - Get a towel. - Okay! 352 00:39:02,450 --> 00:39:04,210 Wait a minute! I don't believe this. 353 00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:06,580 What's all that yelling about? 354 00:39:08,390 --> 00:39:09,980 What's going on here?! 355 00:39:12,060 --> 00:39:13,890 Twenty-five thousand twinkle lights. 356 00:39:15,730 --> 00:39:17,220 What's he doing? 357 00:39:17,460 --> 00:39:19,090 I haven't the foggiest. 358 00:39:21,300 --> 00:39:22,890 What the hell?! 359 00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:25,690 What is wrong with this?! 360 00:39:27,410 --> 00:39:28,960 Damn it! 361 00:39:33,650 --> 00:39:35,040 You goddamn thing! 362 00:40:07,950 --> 00:40:09,500 Dad, it's beautiful! 363 00:40:25,460 --> 00:40:27,360 Oh, my carpet! 364 00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:38,980 Clark, it's so lovely. 365 00:40:42,310 --> 00:40:45,150 You deserve a home like this to spend Christmas in. 366 00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:50,810 It's a beaut, Clark. A beaut. 367 00:40:52,990 --> 00:40:55,980 You taught me everything I know about exterior illumination. 368 00:40:56,060 --> 00:40:57,820 Thank you, thank you. 369 00:40:59,060 --> 00:41:00,460 Russ. Audrey. 370 00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:07,170 Dear... Francis. 371 00:41:10,010 --> 00:41:12,840 I hope this adds to your enjoyment of the holidays. 372 00:41:13,180 --> 00:41:15,170 It's just wonderful. 373 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:18,680 Arthur. 374 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:20,670 Art. 375 00:41:22,350 --> 00:41:23,510 Dad. 376 00:41:24,020 --> 00:41:25,580 Thanks for being here. 377 00:41:25,860 --> 00:41:28,290 The little lights are not twinkling. 378 00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,020 I know, Art, and thanks for noticing. 379 00:41:35,530 --> 00:41:38,020 The house sure does look swell, Clark. 380 00:41:38,100 --> 00:41:39,430 Thanks, Eddie. 381 00:41:39,870 --> 00:41:44,040 I hope it enhances your holiday spirit. Dear Catherine. 382 00:41:44,380 --> 00:41:46,000 Eddie? 383 00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,770 The house is gorgeous, Clark. 384 00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:52,040 Eddie? 385 00:41:52,550 --> 00:41:55,540 I hope you didn't do this all on our account, Clark. 386 00:41:55,890 --> 00:41:59,480 Kids, come on out here and see what Uncle Clark's done to the house. 387 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:00,620 Eddie? 388 00:42:08,070 --> 00:42:09,030 Eddie? 389 00:42:11,900 --> 00:42:14,900 If you don't remember, this here is Rocky. 390 00:42:16,140 --> 00:42:19,580 - Have you got a kiss for me? - Take a rain check on that, Art. 391 00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,480 He's got a lip fungus that ain't identified yet. 392 00:42:25,180 --> 00:42:27,170 You remember Ruby Sue? 393 00:42:29,590 --> 00:42:31,420 Oh, my gosh! 394 00:42:33,260 --> 00:42:35,050 Her eyes are not crossed anymore. 395 00:42:35,130 --> 00:42:36,590 That somethin', ain't it? 396 00:42:36,660 --> 00:42:38,750 She falls in a well, her eyes go cross. 397 00:42:38,830 --> 00:42:42,270 A mule kicks her, they go back to normal. I don't know. 398 00:42:45,940 --> 00:42:48,100 And this here is our pride and joy. 399 00:42:48,170 --> 00:42:49,610 Snots. 400 00:42:50,510 --> 00:42:51,670 Pretty name. 401 00:42:51,780 --> 00:42:54,840 We named him that 'cause he's got this sinus condition. 402 00:42:55,610 --> 00:42:58,950 Snots, you roll over and let Uncle Clark scratch your belly. 403 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:04,450 You never seen a set on a dog like this one's got, Clark. 404 00:43:05,290 --> 00:43:06,920 That's okay, Eddie. 405 00:43:07,290 --> 00:43:09,950 That's somethin', ain't it? You pet him on the belly... 406 00:43:10,030 --> 00:43:12,220 ...and he'll love you till the day you die. 407 00:43:12,300 --> 00:43:14,890 I really shouldn't. My hands are all chapped. 408 00:43:15,470 --> 00:43:20,130 We were going to call, but Eddie wanted to make it a surprise. 409 00:43:20,370 --> 00:43:21,700 You surprised? 410 00:43:21,970 --> 00:43:23,000 Surprised, Eddie? 411 00:43:23,310 --> 00:43:25,610 If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet... 412 00:43:25,780 --> 00:43:28,210 ...I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now. 413 00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:32,470 We have plenty of room. 414 00:43:34,650 --> 00:43:38,210 Plenty of towels. Plenty of everything. 415 00:43:39,820 --> 00:43:43,820 We're pretty well set up here in the RV. It's a little tight but... 416 00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:45,920 ...we didn't come to impose. 417 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:47,830 There's plenty of room. 418 00:43:48,270 --> 00:43:50,330 Quit being so damn polite, Ed. 419 00:43:51,140 --> 00:43:56,400 Catherine and I are pretty comfy in there, but maybe you folks wouldn't mind... 420 00:43:56,470 --> 00:43:58,170 ...the youngsters shacking up with you. 421 00:43:58,240 --> 00:44:00,070 After that long drive... 422 00:44:00,180 --> 00:44:02,840 ...we could use a little private time together. 423 00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:08,950 Honey, why don't you get the kids' things. Don't forget the rubber sheets and gerbils. 424 00:44:09,020 --> 00:44:10,850 I'll show you the home. 425 00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:50,950 That's a honey of a tree, Clark. 426 00:44:51,900 --> 00:44:53,060 Is it real? 427 00:44:54,070 --> 00:44:55,830 I dug it out of the ground myself. 428 00:44:55,900 --> 00:44:57,230 Is that a fact? 429 00:44:57,740 --> 00:44:59,430 Get out of there, Snots! 430 00:44:59,500 --> 00:45:00,490 Don't worry about it. 431 00:45:00,570 --> 00:45:03,100 A little tree water ain't gonna hurt him. 432 00:45:03,240 --> 00:45:06,180 Before we left, he drank a half a quart of Pennzoil. 433 00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:09,080 He lifted his leg the next mornin'... 434 00:45:11,450 --> 00:45:14,320 If he drinks the water out of there, the tree's gonna dry up. 435 00:45:14,390 --> 00:45:16,080 Come on out of there. 436 00:45:17,420 --> 00:45:21,920 Get out of there. Go in the kitchen and get something to eat. 437 00:45:22,660 --> 00:45:24,360 He's cute, ain't he? 438 00:45:24,430 --> 00:45:28,330 Only problem is, he's got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. 439 00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:32,830 If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. 440 00:45:34,110 --> 00:45:37,940 You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants. 441 00:45:39,110 --> 00:45:40,600 A word of warning, though. 442 00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:43,910 If he does lay into you, it's best to just let him finish. 443 00:45:46,620 --> 00:45:50,210 I can't believe you're actually standing here in my living room, Eddie. 444 00:45:50,490 --> 00:45:51,960 Never thought the day would come. 445 00:45:52,020 --> 00:45:53,850 I'm excited about it, too. 446 00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,790 It's a cryin' shame the older kids couldn't make it. 447 00:46:01,530 --> 00:46:03,970 I'll get that. Don't worry about it. It's okay. 448 00:46:08,270 --> 00:46:12,470 I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the Wild Turkey. 449 00:46:13,410 --> 00:46:17,210 The older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career. 450 00:46:17,820 --> 00:46:19,370 - College? - Carnival. 451 00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:21,750 You gotta be proud. 452 00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:27,520 Last season, he was a pixie dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. 453 00:46:27,830 --> 00:46:30,990 He thinks that maybe next year, he'll be guessing people's weight... 454 00:46:31,060 --> 00:46:33,120 ...or barking for the Yak Woman. 455 00:46:34,670 --> 00:46:36,600 - You ever see her? - No. 456 00:46:36,670 --> 00:46:40,000 She got these big horns growing right out above her ears. 457 00:46:40,240 --> 00:46:42,730 She's ugly as sin, but a sweet gal. 458 00:46:42,810 --> 00:46:44,000 And a hell of a good cook. 459 00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:46,770 Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? 460 00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:49,340 Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? 461 00:46:49,410 --> 00:46:51,570 No, I'm doing just fine. 462 00:46:52,150 --> 00:46:53,510 Just glad to be here. 463 00:46:55,190 --> 00:46:57,850 When did you get the tenement on wheels? 464 00:46:58,690 --> 00:47:01,520 Oh, that? That's an RV. 465 00:47:02,990 --> 00:47:04,690 I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. 466 00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:07,600 He took my house, I took the RV. 467 00:47:08,530 --> 00:47:10,520 It's a good-looking vehicle, ain't it? 468 00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:13,140 It looks so nice parked in the driveway. 469 00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:16,540 It sure does. Don't you go falling in love with it. 470 00:47:17,270 --> 00:47:20,370 We're taking it with us when we leave here next month. 471 00:47:30,220 --> 00:47:33,050 Well, get him up here to look over these figures! 472 00:47:33,620 --> 00:47:35,790 Retooling. That's a great excuse. 473 00:47:37,900 --> 00:47:40,230 Retooling?! I'll retool you! 474 00:47:43,230 --> 00:47:45,230 Mr. Shirley, Merry Christmas. 475 00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:46,900 Who's that? 476 00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:49,500 It's me, Clark Griswold. 477 00:47:49,740 --> 00:47:51,140 What do you want? 478 00:47:52,240 --> 00:47:56,580 My wife and I just came up with a little something special. It's a gift. 479 00:47:57,650 --> 00:48:00,240 Put it over there with the others, Greaseball. 480 00:48:10,930 --> 00:48:15,390 By the way, I hope my report helped out at the trade show. 481 00:48:20,270 --> 00:48:22,260 I'm sure it did, Grisball. 482 00:48:23,010 --> 00:48:26,340 If you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of an important call. 483 00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:28,640 Get me somebody. 484 00:48:28,780 --> 00:48:30,010 Anybody. 485 00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:33,380 And get me somebody while I'm waiting. 486 00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:50,530 This is a new non-caloric, silicon-based kitchen lubricant... 487 00:48:50,630 --> 00:48:51,970 ...my company's been working on. 488 00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:55,730 It creates a surface 500 times more slippery than cooking oil. 489 00:48:55,810 --> 00:48:58,240 We'll fly down the hill with this stuff. 490 00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:00,700 Has anyone ever used it on a sled? 491 00:49:00,780 --> 00:49:02,250 Not that I know of. 492 00:49:04,820 --> 00:49:07,810 Don't go puttin' none of that stuff on my sled, Clark. 493 00:49:08,150 --> 00:49:11,490 - You know the metal plate in my head? - How could I forget it. 494 00:49:11,660 --> 00:49:15,490 I had it replaced. Every time Catherine raved up the microwave... 495 00:49:15,630 --> 00:49:18,460 ...I'd piss in my pants and forget who I was. 496 00:49:18,830 --> 00:49:21,730 Over at the V.A., they had it replaced with a plastic one. 497 00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:23,990 That ain't as strong, so... 498 00:49:24,500 --> 00:49:26,660 I shouldn't go sailing down a hill... 499 00:49:26,740 --> 00:49:29,000 ...with nothing between the ground and my brain... 500 00:49:29,070 --> 00:49:31,300 ...but a piece of government plastic. 501 00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:34,610 You really think it matters, Eddie? 502 00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:37,510 The plate runs right underneath my part. 503 00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:41,850 Over here is nothing, but... 504 00:49:42,190 --> 00:49:47,020 ...if this gets dented, then my hair just ain't going to look right. 505 00:49:49,690 --> 00:49:51,160 I know the feeling. 506 00:49:52,530 --> 00:49:55,000 I better try this first. See how it works. 507 00:49:55,070 --> 00:49:56,900 Be careful there, Clark. 508 00:49:56,970 --> 00:49:58,900 Nothing to worry about, Eddie. 509 00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:03,440 Going for a new, amateur-recreational- saucer-sled land-speed record... 510 00:50:03,870 --> 00:50:06,370 Clark W. Griswold, Junior! 511 00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:10,380 Remember, don't try this at home, kids. I am a professional. 512 00:50:13,550 --> 00:50:14,880 Later, dudes. 513 00:50:16,220 --> 00:50:18,210 Let her rip. Hang ten. 514 00:50:35,940 --> 00:50:37,370 It's great! I'm dead!