1 00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:34,016 Hello, stranger. 2 00:03:09,185 --> 00:03:11,415 Sorry. Looking for a cigarette. 3 00:03:12,321 --> 00:03:13,652 I've given up. 4 00:03:16,359 --> 00:03:17,724 Thank you. 5 00:03:20,063 --> 00:03:22,293 - Got to be somewhere? - Work. 6 00:03:23,833 --> 00:03:25,824 You didn't fancy my sandwiches? 7 00:03:25,935 --> 00:03:28,563 - Don't eat fish. - Why not? 8 00:03:29,439 --> 00:03:31,134 Fish piss in the sea. 9 00:03:31,641 --> 00:03:34,474 - So do children. - Don't eat children, either. 10 00:03:35,778 --> 00:03:37,268 What's your work? 11 00:03:37,346 --> 00:03:39,507 I'm sort of a journalist. 12 00:03:39,849 --> 00:03:42,682 - What sort? - I write obituaries. 13 00:03:54,664 --> 00:03:56,825 Are we in for a long wait? 14 00:03:58,935 --> 00:04:01,062 She was 21 when she came in. 15 00:04:03,439 --> 00:04:04,929 Does it hurt? 16 00:04:05,641 --> 00:04:06,972 I'll live. 17 00:04:08,077 --> 00:04:10,545 Do you want me to put your leg up? 18 00:04:10,613 --> 00:04:12,171 Yes, please. 19 00:04:26,996 --> 00:04:28,987 Who cut off your crusts? 20 00:04:29,432 --> 00:04:30,421 Me. 21 00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:33,435 Did your mother cut off your crusts when you were a little boy? 22 00:04:33,503 --> 00:04:36,870 - Yes, I believe she did. - You should eat your crusts. 23 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,140 You should stop smoking. 24 00:04:40,676 --> 00:04:42,166 How long was I out? 25 00:04:42,245 --> 00:04:44,805 - About 10 seconds. - Then what? 26 00:04:46,082 --> 00:04:48,073 You came to. You focused on me. 27 00:04:48,151 --> 00:04:50,847 You said, "Hello, stranger." 28 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,478 What a floozy. 29 00:04:52,555 --> 00:04:56,389 The cabbie crossed himself, he went, "Thank fuck. I thought I'd killed her." 30 00:04:56,459 --> 00:04:58,825 I said, "Let's get her to a hospital." He hesitated. 31 00:04:58,895 --> 00:05:02,194 I think he thought there'd be paperwork and he'd be held responsible. 32 00:05:02,265 --> 00:05:05,723 So I said with a slight sneer, "Please just drop us at the hospital." 33 00:05:05,801 --> 00:05:07,393 Show me the sneer. 34 00:05:08,337 --> 00:05:10,305 Very good, buster. 35 00:05:11,374 --> 00:05:12,864 Thank you. 36 00:05:21,651 --> 00:05:23,915 - I told you, I've given up. - Try harder. 37 00:05:23,986 --> 00:05:25,544 You live here? 38 00:05:25,955 --> 00:05:28,150 Just arrived from New York. 39 00:05:28,858 --> 00:05:30,792 Taking a vacation? 40 00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:32,760 I'm on an expedition. 41 00:05:33,396 --> 00:05:35,193 Where's your baggage? 42 00:05:36,332 --> 00:05:39,062 - Where are you staying? - I'm a waif. 43 00:05:41,704 --> 00:05:43,194 A red bus. 44 00:05:44,941 --> 00:05:49,275 Policeman or "bobby." Observe the distinctive helmet. 45 00:05:50,913 --> 00:05:53,438 Saint Paul's Cathedral. Please note the famous dome. 46 00:05:53,516 --> 00:05:57,350 - This is a truly magnificent tour. - It's the London tourists never get to see. 47 00:05:57,420 --> 00:06:00,253 - What's this? - I've no idea. 48 00:06:21,010 --> 00:06:24,776 They're all people who died saving the lives of others. 49 00:06:26,449 --> 00:06:28,349 I've been here before. 50 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,793 Twenty years ago, we came here. 51 00:06:42,031 --> 00:06:46,024 My mother's dead. My father and I came here the afternoon she died. 52 00:06:47,770 --> 00:06:51,467 She was a smoker. She died in the hospital, actually. 53 00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:54,270 - Is your father still alive? - Hanging on. 54 00:06:54,710 --> 00:06:56,007 He's in a home. 55 00:06:56,646 --> 00:06:59,911 - You're late for work. - You saying you want me to go? 56 00:06:59,982 --> 00:07:01,882 I'm saying you're late for work. 57 00:07:02,585 --> 00:07:05,145 How did you end up writing obituaries? 58 00:07:05,454 --> 00:07:09,584 Well, I had dreams of being a writer, but I had no voice. 59 00:07:10,226 --> 00:07:12,592 What am I saying? I had no talent. 60 00:07:12,662 --> 00:07:16,928 So I ended up in obituaries, which is the Siberia of journalism. 61 00:07:17,166 --> 00:07:20,863 Tell me what you do. I want to imagine you in Siberia. 62 00:07:20,936 --> 00:07:22,267 Really? 63 00:07:25,174 --> 00:07:28,007 We call it "the obits page." 64 00:07:29,045 --> 00:07:31,878 There's three of us: me, Graham, and Harry. 65 00:07:32,481 --> 00:07:36,611 When I get to work, without fail... Are you sure you want to know? 66 00:07:37,653 --> 00:07:41,749 Well, if someone important died, we go to the "deep freeze"... 67 00:07:45,227 --> 00:07:48,754 which is a computer file... 68 00:07:48,831 --> 00:07:52,096 with all the obituaries, and we find the dead person's life. 69 00:07:52,168 --> 00:07:54,830 People's obituaries are written while they're still alive? 70 00:07:54,904 --> 00:07:56,496 Some people's. 71 00:07:57,073 --> 00:08:00,133 Then Harry, he's the editor, decides who we'll lead with. 72 00:08:00,209 --> 00:08:02,404 Then we make calls, check facts. 73 00:08:02,478 --> 00:08:07,040 At 6:00, we stand around the computer and look at the next day's page... 74 00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:10,148 and make final changes. 75 00:08:10,486 --> 00:08:13,284 Add a few euphemisms for our own amusement. 76 00:08:13,356 --> 00:08:14,687 Such as? 77 00:08:16,959 --> 00:08:21,157 "He was a convivial fellow." Meaning he was an alcoholic. 78 00:08:21,931 --> 00:08:25,332 "He valued his privacy." Gay. 79 00:08:25,801 --> 00:08:28,565 "He enjoyed his privacy." Raging queen. 80 00:08:29,772 --> 00:08:31,831 What would my euphemism be? 81 00:08:32,808 --> 00:08:35,800 - "She was disarming." - That's not a euphemism. 82 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:38,169 Yes, it is. 83 00:08:47,189 --> 00:08:50,090 - What were you doing in New York? - You know. 84 00:08:53,229 --> 00:08:57,632 Well, no, I don't. What, were you studying? 85 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,097 Stripping. 86 00:09:00,569 --> 00:09:02,799 Look at your little eyes. 87 00:09:03,906 --> 00:09:05,771 I can't see my little eyes. 88 00:09:11,213 --> 00:09:12,703 Why did you leave? 89 00:09:13,315 --> 00:09:15,306 Problems with a male. 90 00:09:15,584 --> 00:09:17,245 - Boyfriend? - Kind of. 91 00:09:18,421 --> 00:09:20,651 And you left him, just like that? 92 00:09:20,723 --> 00:09:24,750 It's the only way to leave. "I don't love you anymore. Goodbye." 93 00:09:24,827 --> 00:09:28,024 - Supposing you do still love them? - You don't leave. 94 00:09:28,864 --> 00:09:32,027 - You've never left somebody you still love? - No. 95 00:09:35,938 --> 00:09:37,496 This is me. 96 00:09:43,913 --> 00:09:45,574 Enjoy your stay. 97 00:09:46,916 --> 00:09:50,079 Please remember our traffic tends to come from the right. 98 00:09:51,854 --> 00:09:52,946 Bye. 99 00:10:05,768 --> 00:10:07,668 Do you have a girlfriend? 100 00:10:08,037 --> 00:10:09,368 Yeah. Ruth. 101 00:10:09,939 --> 00:10:12,908 She's called Ruth. She's a linguist. 102 00:10:14,310 --> 00:10:16,471 - What's your name? - Alice. 103 00:10:17,613 --> 00:10:20,047 My name is Alice Ayres. 104 00:10:27,056 --> 00:10:28,216 Good. 105 00:10:28,324 --> 00:10:31,487 I'm just gonna change the film. Are you okay for time? 106 00:10:35,631 --> 00:10:38,293 - Do you mind if I smoke? - lf you must. 107 00:10:39,468 --> 00:10:41,993 - I don't have to. - Then don't. 108 00:10:54,117 --> 00:10:55,812 I liked your book. 109 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,880 Thanks. 110 00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:02,690 - When's it published? - Next year. How come you've read it? 111 00:11:02,759 --> 00:11:05,990 Your publisher sent me a manuscript. I read it last night. 112 00:11:06,596 --> 00:11:08,530 You kept me up till 4:00. 113 00:11:09,566 --> 00:11:10,828 I'm flattered. 114 00:11:11,201 --> 00:11:13,669 Is your heroine based on someone you know? 115 00:11:14,237 --> 00:11:16,398 Yes. She's someone called Alice. 116 00:11:16,907 --> 00:11:19,398 How does she feel about you stealing her life? 117 00:11:19,476 --> 00:11:20,943 Borrowing her life. 118 00:11:21,077 --> 00:11:23,671 I'm dedicating the book to her. She's pleased. 119 00:11:32,589 --> 00:11:33,954 Do you exhibit? 120 00:11:34,024 --> 00:11:36,925 Sometimes. I have a thing next year. 121 00:11:42,933 --> 00:11:44,264 Portraits? 122 00:11:46,336 --> 00:11:48,930 - Of who? - Strangers. 123 00:11:51,908 --> 00:11:55,400 How do your strangers feel about you stealing their lives? 124 00:11:55,579 --> 00:11:56,978 Borrowing. 125 00:11:58,548 --> 00:11:59,913 Am I a stranger? 126 00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:02,545 No. You're a job. 127 00:12:04,454 --> 00:12:06,513 And you're a sloucher. Sit up. 128 00:12:13,163 --> 00:12:14,630 You didn't find it obscene? 129 00:12:14,698 --> 00:12:16,290 - What? - The book. 130 00:12:17,634 --> 00:12:19,761 I thought it was accurate. 131 00:12:20,403 --> 00:12:21,870 About what? 132 00:12:22,138 --> 00:12:24,470 About sex. About love. 133 00:12:24,808 --> 00:12:26,241 In what way? 134 00:12:26,710 --> 00:12:29,907 - You wrote it. - You read it till 4:00. 135 00:12:30,246 --> 00:12:33,306 Don't raise your eyebrows. It makes you look smug. 136 00:12:41,625 --> 00:12:44,890 - But you did like it? - Yes, but I could go off it. 137 00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:52,665 Stand up. 138 00:12:58,942 --> 00:13:00,773 Any criticisms? 139 00:13:02,379 --> 00:13:03,937 I'm not sure about the title. 140 00:13:04,014 --> 00:13:05,572 Got a better one? 141 00:13:06,516 --> 00:13:07,983 The Aquarium. 142 00:13:08,985 --> 00:13:10,714 So you liked the filth. 143 00:13:11,054 --> 00:13:13,784 - You like aquariums. - Fish are therapeutic. 144 00:13:13,857 --> 00:13:16,223 - Hang out in aquariums, do you? - When I can. 145 00:13:16,292 --> 00:13:18,123 Good for picking up strangers? 146 00:13:18,194 --> 00:13:20,526 Photographing strangers. 147 00:13:30,173 --> 00:13:31,504 Come here. 148 00:13:48,792 --> 00:13:50,453 You're beautiful. 149 00:13:58,134 --> 00:14:00,466 I don't kiss strange men. 150 00:14:00,870 --> 00:14:02,360 Neither do I. 151 00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:16,372 Do you and this Alice live together? 152 00:15:21,184 --> 00:15:22,515 Yes. 153 00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,462 Are you married? 154 00:15:35,532 --> 00:15:36,863 Yes. 155 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,694 - No. Yes. - Which? 156 00:15:40,036 --> 00:15:41,697 Separated. 157 00:15:42,338 --> 00:15:43,965 - Do you have any children? - No. 158 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:47,032 - Would you like some? - Yes, but not today. 159 00:15:47,777 --> 00:15:50,109 Would Alice like children? 160 00:15:51,147 --> 00:15:52,671 She's too young. 161 00:15:53,883 --> 00:15:57,375 She works in a caf� near here. She's coming to meet me. 162 00:15:58,154 --> 00:15:59,553 Quite soon. 163 00:16:02,225 --> 00:16:04,557 Why are you wasting her time? 164 00:16:05,695 --> 00:16:08,528 - You're judgmental. - You're devious. 165 00:16:08,598 --> 00:16:12,295 I'm not wasting her time. She's completely lovable. 166 00:16:12,368 --> 00:16:14,199 And completely unleavable. 167 00:16:14,270 --> 00:16:18,297 And you don't want someone else getting their dirty hands on her. 168 00:16:18,408 --> 00:16:20,433 - Men are crap. - But all the same... 169 00:16:20,510 --> 00:16:22,137 They're still crap. 170 00:16:23,913 --> 00:16:25,073 Your muse. 171 00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:30,442 - You've ruined my life. - You'll get over it. 172 00:16:38,995 --> 00:16:40,155 Dan. 173 00:16:42,432 --> 00:16:43,763 Your shirt. 174 00:16:55,211 --> 00:16:56,906 You all done? 175 00:16:57,447 --> 00:17:00,075 - How's the photographer? - Good. Professional. 176 00:17:01,084 --> 00:17:03,450 Rigorous. Beady. One of your lot. 177 00:17:03,519 --> 00:17:05,749 - What, female? - Americano. 178 00:17:09,993 --> 00:17:11,324 Come on. 179 00:17:20,904 --> 00:17:22,132 Anna? 180 00:17:26,876 --> 00:17:28,537 - Alice. - Hi. 181 00:17:28,611 --> 00:17:31,603 - Sorry to interrupt. - No, we've just finished. 182 00:17:32,215 --> 00:17:34,240 - Would you like some tea? - No, thanks. 183 00:17:34,317 --> 00:17:37,115 I've been serving it all day. Can I use your loo? 184 00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:39,120 Sure. Just through there. 185 00:17:46,696 --> 00:17:47,993 She is beautiful. 186 00:17:48,064 --> 00:17:50,123 - I've got to see you. - No. 187 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,158 What's this? Patriotism? 188 00:17:52,235 --> 00:17:54,066 - I don't want trouble. - I'm not trouble. 189 00:17:54,137 --> 00:17:55,536 You're taken. 190 00:17:57,674 --> 00:17:59,403 - I've got to see you. - Tough. 191 00:17:59,475 --> 00:18:02,137 - You kissed me. - What are you, 12? 192 00:18:05,515 --> 00:18:07,813 I'm a block of ice. 193 00:18:11,154 --> 00:18:12,951 Will you take my photo? 194 00:18:13,022 --> 00:18:15,718 I've never been photographed by a professional before. 195 00:18:15,792 --> 00:18:18,386 I'd really appreciate it. I can pay you. 196 00:18:18,461 --> 00:18:20,190 No, I'd like to. 197 00:18:20,630 --> 00:18:22,461 Only if you don't mind. 198 00:18:23,066 --> 00:18:24,260 Why should I? 199 00:18:24,334 --> 00:18:26,325 Because you'll have to go away. 200 00:18:26,402 --> 00:18:29,235 We don't want him here while we're working, do we? 201 00:18:29,405 --> 00:18:30,895 No, we don't. 202 00:18:33,910 --> 00:18:36,105 Right. I'll be in the pub on the corner. 203 00:18:36,179 --> 00:18:37,407 Have fun. 204 00:18:40,650 --> 00:18:41,981 Thank you. 205 00:18:42,318 --> 00:18:45,583 - Good luck with your exhibition. - Good luck with your book. 206 00:19:01,104 --> 00:19:03,299 So you've got an exhibition? 207 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:05,400 Yeah. 208 00:19:09,946 --> 00:19:11,777 I read Dan's book. 209 00:19:12,882 --> 00:19:15,680 You've had quite a life. 210 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,451 Thanks. 211 00:19:24,527 --> 00:19:26,688 He said you work in a caf�? 212 00:19:26,829 --> 00:19:28,660 I am a waitress. 213 00:19:28,998 --> 00:19:30,727 That's a temporary thing? 214 00:19:31,701 --> 00:19:32,690 No. 215 00:19:36,773 --> 00:19:39,264 Why don't you come over here and sit? 216 00:19:57,126 --> 00:19:59,594 - You live here? - I do now. 217 00:19:59,862 --> 00:20:01,659 Because you're single? 218 00:20:02,265 --> 00:20:04,529 Who was your last boyfriend? 219 00:20:05,101 --> 00:20:06,363 My husband. 220 00:20:06,436 --> 00:20:08,028 Was he English? 221 00:20:08,438 --> 00:20:11,066 - Very. - What happened to him? 222 00:20:12,642 --> 00:20:14,269 Someone younger. 223 00:20:16,612 --> 00:20:19,479 You've got a great face. 224 00:20:20,716 --> 00:20:22,377 Doesn't everyone? 225 00:20:23,753 --> 00:20:25,243 I suppose so. 226 00:20:25,621 --> 00:20:26,679 I just... 227 00:20:26,756 --> 00:20:29,691 From the book, somehow I thought you'd be less... 228 00:20:30,159 --> 00:20:31,319 What? 229 00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:36,491 I don't know what, exactly. 230 00:20:49,412 --> 00:20:53,007 How do you feel about him using your life? 231 00:20:53,683 --> 00:20:56,151 It's really none of your business. 232 00:21:01,424 --> 00:21:03,858 When he let me in downstairs... 233 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,421 he had this look. 234 00:21:08,831 --> 00:21:11,265 I just listened to your conversation. 235 00:21:16,005 --> 00:21:17,939 I don't know what to say. 236 00:21:21,777 --> 00:21:23,608 I'm not a thief, Alice. 237 00:21:30,653 --> 00:21:31,745 Do you want a drink? 238 00:21:31,821 --> 00:21:34,312 I have some vodka in the fridge. We could have a drink. 239 00:21:34,390 --> 00:21:36,221 Just take my picture. 240 00:21:57,380 --> 00:21:58,438 Good. 241 00:23:57,365 --> 00:23:58,457 Shit. 242 00:24:30,799 --> 00:24:32,630 What's the histology? 243 00:24:38,540 --> 00:24:39,871 Progressive? 244 00:24:40,609 --> 00:24:42,736 No. Sounds like an atrophy. 245 00:24:42,978 --> 00:24:44,639 Okay. Bye. 246 00:24:59,961 --> 00:25:01,292 Bollocks. 247 00:26:34,889 --> 00:26:36,220 Jesus. 248 00:29:16,285 --> 00:29:17,547 Anna? 249 00:29:21,724 --> 00:29:23,385 I got the coat. 250 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:25,718 The white coat. 251 00:29:27,863 --> 00:29:29,194 So I see. 252 00:29:30,266 --> 00:29:32,598 I'm Larry. The doctor. 253 00:29:32,902 --> 00:29:34,199 Hello, Dr. Larry. 254 00:29:34,270 --> 00:29:37,205 Feel free to call me "The Sultan." 255 00:29:43,045 --> 00:29:46,014 I can't believe these things actually happen. 256 00:29:46,382 --> 00:29:48,850 I thought if you showed up, you'd be an old trout. 257 00:29:48,918 --> 00:29:51,819 But you are bloody gorgeous. 258 00:29:52,788 --> 00:29:54,380 Well, thank you. 259 00:29:56,525 --> 00:29:59,323 Fish. You gotta respect them. 260 00:30:00,663 --> 00:30:02,494 - Have you? - Of course. 261 00:30:03,132 --> 00:30:05,692 We were fish. Long ago. 262 00:30:06,102 --> 00:30:08,002 Before we were apes. 263 00:30:11,707 --> 00:30:13,641 You mentioned a hotel. 264 00:30:14,143 --> 00:30:15,633 No rush. 265 00:30:17,446 --> 00:30:20,745 Actually, there is. I've got to be in surgery by 3:00. 266 00:30:21,450 --> 00:30:25,079 - Are you having an operation? - No, I'm doing one. 267 00:30:25,921 --> 00:30:28,617 - Are you really a doctor? - I said I was. 268 00:30:29,792 --> 00:30:31,453 You are Anna? 269 00:30:33,763 --> 00:30:37,221 I'm sorry. Did I photograph you? 270 00:30:37,566 --> 00:30:39,193 Did we meet somewhere? 271 00:30:39,268 --> 00:30:42,931 Come on. Don't play games, you nymph of the Net. 272 00:30:43,372 --> 00:30:45,897 - Excuse me? - You were up for it yesterday. 273 00:30:45,975 --> 00:30:49,274 - Was I? - Yeah. "Wear my wet knickers. 274 00:30:50,246 --> 00:30:52,077 "Sit on my face. 275 00:30:53,115 --> 00:30:55,811 - "Cum-hungry bitch." - Okay. 276 00:30:58,287 --> 00:31:00,482 Why do I feel like a pervert? 277 00:31:02,358 --> 00:31:05,885 I think you're the victim of a practical joke. 278 00:31:09,698 --> 00:31:12,292 - I am so sorry. - It's okay. 279 00:31:16,439 --> 00:31:17,599 No. 280 00:31:19,041 --> 00:31:21,669 We spoke on the Net last night. Now you've seen me... 281 00:31:21,744 --> 00:31:23,075 I wasn't on the Net last night. 282 00:31:23,145 --> 00:31:25,238 Where were you between 6:45 and 7:00 p.m.? 283 00:31:25,314 --> 00:31:26,906 That's really none of your business. 284 00:31:26,982 --> 00:31:29,951 - Where were you? - On the Net, talking to you. 285 00:31:30,753 --> 00:31:34,348 - Well, I was talking to someone. - Someone pretending to be me. 286 00:31:37,893 --> 00:31:40,487 I think you were talking to Daniel Woolf. 287 00:31:40,563 --> 00:31:43,623 - Who? - This guy I know. It's him. 288 00:31:43,699 --> 00:31:46,133 - No, I was talking to a woman. - How do you know? 289 00:31:46,202 --> 00:31:48,864 Believe me, she was a woman. I got a huge... 290 00:31:48,938 --> 00:31:51,736 She was a... She wasn't, was she? 291 00:31:52,108 --> 00:31:53,268 No. 292 00:31:53,642 --> 00:31:55,507 What a bastard. 293 00:32:00,950 --> 00:32:02,679 How do you know him? 294 00:32:02,751 --> 00:32:06,881 I don't really know him. I took his photograph for a book he wrote. 295 00:32:06,956 --> 00:32:09,754 - I hope it sank without a trace. - It's on its way. 296 00:32:09,825 --> 00:32:12,020 There is justice in the world. 297 00:32:12,561 --> 00:32:14,222 What's it called? 298 00:32:23,606 --> 00:32:25,039 The Aquarium. 299 00:32:25,107 --> 00:32:28,440 What a prick! He's advertising. 300 00:32:30,479 --> 00:32:33,039 But why would he pretend to be you? 301 00:32:33,983 --> 00:32:35,473 I think he likes me. 302 00:32:35,584 --> 00:32:38,212 Funny way of showing it. Can't he send you flowers? 303 00:32:38,287 --> 00:32:40,915 Extraordinary thing, the Internet. 304 00:32:41,123 --> 00:32:43,887 Possibility of genuine global communication. 305 00:32:44,293 --> 00:32:46,420 The first great democratic medium. 306 00:32:46,495 --> 00:32:49,191 Absolutely. It's the future. 307 00:32:49,598 --> 00:32:51,930 Two guys wanking in cyberspace. 308 00:32:52,334 --> 00:32:54,097 He was the wanker. 309 00:32:55,538 --> 00:32:57,870 I'll say this for him, he can write. 310 00:32:59,475 --> 00:33:00,840 Is he in love with you? 311 00:33:00,910 --> 00:33:03,140 I don't know. No. 312 00:33:03,712 --> 00:33:06,545 - Are you in love with him? - I hardly know him. 313 00:33:06,615 --> 00:33:08,776 But you're sort of interested. 314 00:33:08,918 --> 00:33:11,250 I think he's interesting. 315 00:33:11,554 --> 00:33:14,022 No, don't. I look like a criminal in photos. 316 00:33:14,089 --> 00:33:15,989 Please. It's my birthday. 317 00:33:16,225 --> 00:33:17,351 Really? 318 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:19,422 Really. 319 00:33:33,809 --> 00:33:35,106 Happy birthday. 320 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:39,338 Thank you. 321 00:33:40,049 --> 00:33:42,847 This man comes into the caf� today and he says: 322 00:33:42,918 --> 00:33:46,012 "Hey, waitress, what are you waiting for?" 323 00:33:46,488 --> 00:33:47,819 Funny guy. 324 00:33:48,257 --> 00:33:51,749 So I go, "I'm waiting for a man to come in here... 325 00:33:52,194 --> 00:33:55,721 "and fuck me sideways with a beautiful line like that." 326 00:33:56,131 --> 00:33:57,621 What did he do? 327 00:33:57,700 --> 00:34:00,260 Asked for a cup of tea with two sugars. 328 00:34:11,814 --> 00:34:14,248 - I'm waiting for you. - To do what? 329 00:34:16,452 --> 00:34:17,783 Leave me. 330 00:34:18,754 --> 00:34:22,622 I'm not going to leave you. I totally love you. Why is this? 331 00:34:23,692 --> 00:34:26,820 Please let me come. I want to be there for you. 332 00:34:27,496 --> 00:34:30,363 - Are you ashamed of me? - Of course not. I told you... 333 00:34:30,432 --> 00:34:32,832 - I want to be alone. - Why? 334 00:34:34,970 --> 00:34:36,494 To grieve. 335 00:34:37,273 --> 00:34:38,763 To think. 336 00:34:41,343 --> 00:34:44,506 - I love you. Why won't you let me? - It's only a weekend. 337 00:34:44,780 --> 00:34:47,044 Why won't you let me love you? 338 00:34:50,619 --> 00:34:51,950 Buster. 339 00:34:57,893 --> 00:34:59,758 Let's go to this thing... 340 00:34:59,962 --> 00:35:02,692 then I'll get my train. I'll be away one night. 341 00:35:03,032 --> 00:35:05,694 I'll be back before you know it, okay? 342 00:35:35,497 --> 00:35:37,727 Do these people pay you? Or do you pay them? 343 00:36:04,026 --> 00:36:05,357 Like it? 344 00:36:08,130 --> 00:36:09,461 No. 345 00:36:11,567 --> 00:36:13,626 What were you so sad about? 346 00:36:14,570 --> 00:36:16,936 - Life. - What's that, then? 347 00:36:20,242 --> 00:36:23,143 So what do you reckon, in general? 348 00:36:23,512 --> 00:36:25,309 You want to talk about art? 349 00:36:25,381 --> 00:36:28,782 I know it's vulgar to discuss The Work at an opening of The Work... 350 00:36:28,851 --> 00:36:30,978 but someone's got to do it. 351 00:36:32,988 --> 00:36:35,456 I'm serious. What do you think? 352 00:36:36,658 --> 00:36:38,148 It's a lie. 353 00:36:38,827 --> 00:36:42,456 It's a bunch of sad strangers photographed beautifully... 354 00:36:42,931 --> 00:36:47,265 and all the glittering assholes who appreciate art... 355 00:36:47,569 --> 00:36:51,061 say it's beautiful because that's what they want to see. 356 00:36:51,140 --> 00:36:53,631 But the people in the photos are sad... 357 00:36:54,510 --> 00:36:55,875 and alone. 358 00:36:55,944 --> 00:36:59,607 But the pictures make the world seem beautiful... 359 00:36:59,681 --> 00:37:04,084 so the exhibition's reassuring, which makes it a lie. 360 00:37:04,620 --> 00:37:07,282 And everyone loves a big, fat lie. 361 00:37:07,723 --> 00:37:11,284 - I'm the big, fat liar's boyfriend. - Bastard. 362 00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:13,328 - Larry. - Alice. 363 00:37:16,432 --> 00:37:18,093 So you're Anna's boyfriend. 364 00:37:18,167 --> 00:37:20,032 A princess can kiss a toad. 365 00:37:20,102 --> 00:37:21,194 - Frog. - Toad. 366 00:37:21,270 --> 00:37:24,433 - Frog. - Toad, frog, lobster. They're all the same. 367 00:37:25,808 --> 00:37:28,299 So how long have you been seeing her? 368 00:37:28,377 --> 00:37:31,107 Four months. We're in the first flush. 369 00:37:31,814 --> 00:37:35,477 It's paradise. All my nasty habits amuse her. 370 00:37:35,784 --> 00:37:38,014 - You shouldn't smoke. - Fuck off. 371 00:37:38,086 --> 00:37:40,646 I'm a doctor. I'm supposed to say things like that. 372 00:37:40,722 --> 00:37:42,622 - You want one? - No. 373 00:37:43,425 --> 00:37:45,086 Yes. No. 374 00:37:45,461 --> 00:37:47,156 Fuck it, yes. 375 00:37:47,930 --> 00:37:49,261 No. 376 00:37:50,766 --> 00:37:52,256 I've given up. 377 00:37:54,603 --> 00:37:57,504 Anna tells me your bloke wrote a book. 378 00:37:57,573 --> 00:38:00,269 - Any good? - Of course. 379 00:38:00,876 --> 00:38:02,867 It's about you, isn't it? 380 00:38:03,378 --> 00:38:06,541 - Some of me. - Oh? What did he leave out? 381 00:38:07,850 --> 00:38:09,511 The truth. 382 00:38:10,452 --> 00:38:12,147 Is he here, your bloke? 383 00:38:12,221 --> 00:38:15,315 Yeah, he's over there talking to your bird. 384 00:38:18,861 --> 00:38:20,761 My boyfriend's here. 385 00:38:21,763 --> 00:38:23,424 He's here? Where? 386 00:38:25,267 --> 00:38:26,427 There. 387 00:38:27,436 --> 00:38:28,767 With Alice? 388 00:38:29,238 --> 00:38:31,399 I believe you're acquainted. 389 00:38:35,711 --> 00:38:38,509 - I've never seen him before. - No. 390 00:38:39,681 --> 00:38:41,080 But you've spoken. 391 00:38:41,416 --> 00:38:43,407 Well, conversed. 392 00:38:44,286 --> 00:38:46,846 - Corresponded. - I wrote to him? 393 00:38:47,623 --> 00:38:51,684 On the Net. You sent him to the aquarium. I happened to be there. 394 00:38:52,427 --> 00:38:54,224 Nice work, Cupid. 395 00:38:58,100 --> 00:39:00,967 - We need to talk about this. - No, we don't. 396 00:39:01,103 --> 00:39:02,661 He's very pretty. 397 00:39:03,705 --> 00:39:06,367 She is very tall. 398 00:39:11,413 --> 00:39:13,347 So you're a stripper? 399 00:39:14,149 --> 00:39:15,309 Yeah. 400 00:39:16,051 --> 00:39:17,211 And? 401 00:39:40,108 --> 00:39:41,769 You take care, now. 402 00:39:42,144 --> 00:39:43,441 I will. 403 00:39:43,845 --> 00:39:45,278 You, too. 404 00:39:53,689 --> 00:39:56,180 That's the way it should be. 405 00:39:59,828 --> 00:40:01,318 He's very funny. 406 00:40:06,401 --> 00:40:08,335 Excuse me. Nice to meet you. 407 00:40:15,410 --> 00:40:17,878 - Pleased with the success? - Yes, absolutely. 408 00:40:18,714 --> 00:40:20,705 Yours was the best. 409 00:40:21,183 --> 00:40:23,208 You were the belle of the bullshit. 410 00:40:23,285 --> 00:40:24,980 Who were those awful people? 411 00:40:25,053 --> 00:40:28,147 - Where do they come from? - Why should we care? 412 00:40:32,294 --> 00:40:35,730 - You get this one. You'll miss your train. - I'll be fine. 413 00:40:36,264 --> 00:40:37,754 Come on, it's cold. 414 00:40:44,272 --> 00:40:46,103 I'll see you on Sunday. 415 00:40:51,446 --> 00:40:52,936 Where to, love? 416 00:40:57,119 --> 00:40:58,279 Taxi! 417 00:41:09,431 --> 00:41:10,591 Sorry. 418 00:41:10,932 --> 00:41:13,594 Why don't you make up your bleeding mind? 419 00:41:19,207 --> 00:41:22,040 Thank you so much. I appreciate your coming. 420 00:41:22,110 --> 00:41:24,374 I'll call you tomorrow. See you next week. 421 00:41:24,446 --> 00:41:26,380 - Thanks. - Thanks very much. 422 00:41:29,785 --> 00:41:32,117 - I thought you'd gone. - I forgot this. 423 00:41:34,289 --> 00:41:38,225 So he's a dermatologist. Can you get more boring than that? 424 00:41:38,293 --> 00:41:41,262 - Obituarist? - Failed novelist, please. 425 00:41:42,097 --> 00:41:43,860 I was sorry about your book. 426 00:41:43,932 --> 00:41:46,093 Thanks. I blame the title. 427 00:41:46,401 --> 00:41:49,598 So we pull out our Christmas crackers with those appalling jokes. 428 00:41:49,671 --> 00:41:52,367 My guy says, "Hang on. These are second-rate jokes. 429 00:41:52,441 --> 00:41:55,933 "I've got a first-rate joke. Sit back and take notice." 430 00:41:56,011 --> 00:41:58,809 So we go, "Okay, what's the joke?" And he says: 431 00:41:59,081 --> 00:42:00,844 "It's based on A Christmas Carol... 432 00:42:00,916 --> 00:42:03,282 "which is why it seems so relevant on Christmas Day." 433 00:42:03,351 --> 00:42:05,717 I haven't even seen you for a year. 434 00:42:05,787 --> 00:42:06,913 Yes, you have. 435 00:42:06,988 --> 00:42:09,388 Only because you stalk me outside my studio. 436 00:42:09,458 --> 00:42:11,517 I don't stalk. I lurk. 437 00:42:11,593 --> 00:42:13,788 And when I'm not there you look for me. 438 00:42:13,862 --> 00:42:17,354 - How do you know if you're not there? - Because I am there... 439 00:42:18,033 --> 00:42:19,728 lurking from a distance. 440 00:42:28,410 --> 00:42:29,741 Look at me. 441 00:42:30,479 --> 00:42:32,640 Tell me you're not in love with me. 442 00:42:33,415 --> 00:42:35,576 I'm not in love with you. 443 00:42:38,220 --> 00:42:39,881 You just lied. 444 00:42:46,261 --> 00:42:48,855 I'm your stranger. Jump. 445 00:43:17,225 --> 00:43:19,989 - Hello, stranger. - Hello. 446 00:43:20,662 --> 00:43:22,653 Intense conversation? 447 00:43:25,033 --> 00:43:26,864 His father died. 448 00:43:27,969 --> 00:43:29,459 Were you spying? 449 00:43:29,538 --> 00:43:31,403 Lovingly observing... 450 00:43:31,673 --> 00:43:33,231 with a telescope. 451 00:43:35,544 --> 00:43:37,603 He's taller than in his photo. 452 00:43:38,213 --> 00:43:40,044 His photo's a headshot. 453 00:43:40,115 --> 00:43:41,707 Yeah, I know. 454 00:43:41,783 --> 00:43:45,719 But his head implied a short body, when, in fact, his head is deceptive. 455 00:43:45,921 --> 00:43:46,945 Deceptive? 456 00:43:47,022 --> 00:43:50,423 He's actually got a long body. He's a stringy fucker. 457 00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:53,118 I could have him. 458 00:43:54,095 --> 00:43:57,587 - What? - lf it came to it, in a scrap, I could have him. 459 00:43:59,034 --> 00:44:01,468 Did you tell him we call him Cupid? 460 00:44:02,170 --> 00:44:04,934 No, that's our joke. 461 00:44:06,875 --> 00:44:09,139 I had a chat with young Alice. 462 00:44:09,211 --> 00:44:10,941 - Fancy her? - Of course. 463 00:44:11,047 --> 00:44:12,776 - Not as much as you. - Why not? 464 00:44:12,849 --> 00:44:14,817 You're a woman. She's a girl. 465 00:44:14,884 --> 00:44:18,376 She has the moronic beauty of youth, but she's sly. 466 00:44:18,621 --> 00:44:22,113 - She seems open to me. - That's how she wants to seem. 467 00:44:22,191 --> 00:44:25,718 You forget you're dealing with a clinical observer of the human carnival. 468 00:44:25,795 --> 00:44:27,626 - Am I, now? - Yes. 469 00:44:27,697 --> 00:44:31,633 You seem more like the cat that got the cream. Stop licking yourself. 470 00:44:37,273 --> 00:44:40,436 That's the nastiest thing you've ever said to me. 471 00:44:43,946 --> 00:44:45,538 That's horrible. 472 00:44:45,781 --> 00:44:47,248 I'm sorry. 473 00:44:48,618 --> 00:44:50,279 I'm so sorry. 474 00:45:38,501 --> 00:45:41,368 - Where have you been? - Work thing. 475 00:45:42,438 --> 00:45:45,430 Had a drink with Harry. You never have one drink with Harry. 476 00:45:45,508 --> 00:45:48,477 - You know he's in love with you. - No, he's not. 477 00:45:49,478 --> 00:45:50,775 Is he? 478 00:45:52,648 --> 00:45:54,343 Did you eat? 479 00:45:54,617 --> 00:45:56,847 I'll make you something. 480 00:45:57,720 --> 00:45:59,381 I'm not hungry. 481 00:46:21,444 --> 00:46:22,502 What? 482 00:46:26,215 --> 00:46:27,705 This will hurt. 483 00:46:28,718 --> 00:46:30,447 I've been with Anna. 484 00:46:31,287 --> 00:46:32,982 I'm in love with her. 485 00:46:34,023 --> 00:46:36,651 We've been seeing each other for a year. 486 00:46:36,993 --> 00:46:38,961 It began at her opening. 487 00:46:55,111 --> 00:46:57,272 - Have a nice one. - Cheers, guvnor. 488 00:47:20,002 --> 00:47:21,333 Don't move. 489 00:47:22,338 --> 00:47:24,397 I want to remember this moment forever. 490 00:47:24,473 --> 00:47:27,806 First time I walked through the door, returning from a business trip... 491 00:47:27,877 --> 00:47:30,675 to be greeted by my wife. 492 00:47:31,147 --> 00:47:33,843 I have, in this moment, become an adult. 493 00:47:34,116 --> 00:47:36,676 Thanks for waiting up, you darling. 494 00:47:38,454 --> 00:47:40,115 You goddess. 495 00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:45,952 I missed you. 496 00:47:46,362 --> 00:47:48,057 How about some tea? 497 00:47:48,431 --> 00:47:50,422 Jesus, I'm knackered! 498 00:47:50,499 --> 00:47:52,524 - Didn't you sleep on the plane? - No... 499 00:47:52,601 --> 00:47:56,662 because the permed German next to me was snoring like a Messerschmitt. 500 00:47:56,739 --> 00:47:59,139 - What's the time? - About midnight. 501 00:47:59,275 --> 00:48:01,709 Time. What a tricky little fucker. 502 00:48:02,445 --> 00:48:05,778 My head's in two places. My brain actually hurts. 503 00:48:05,848 --> 00:48:08,840 - Do you want some food? - No, I need a bath. 504 00:48:09,285 --> 00:48:12,413 - I'll run it for you. - No, I'll have a shower. 505 00:48:12,788 --> 00:48:14,119 You okay? 506 00:48:14,857 --> 00:48:16,256 How was the thing? 507 00:48:16,325 --> 00:48:19,488 As dermatological conferences go, it was a riot. 508 00:48:20,396 --> 00:48:21,988 How was the hotel? 509 00:48:22,331 --> 00:48:25,960 Someone told me that the beautiful people of the Paranoid Hotel... 510 00:48:26,035 --> 00:48:29,971 the concierge, the bellboys and girls... Did you know this? 511 00:48:30,272 --> 00:48:33,070 - They're all whores. - Everybody knows that. 512 00:48:33,742 --> 00:48:34,902 I didn't. 513 00:48:37,513 --> 00:48:40,505 I don't suppose you'd fancy a friendly poke. 514 00:48:40,950 --> 00:48:42,611 I just had a bath. 515 00:48:44,153 --> 00:48:45,484 Right. 516 00:48:46,122 --> 00:48:49,057 I'll see to myself, then, in the Elle Decoration bathroom. 517 00:48:49,125 --> 00:48:52,652 - You chose that bathroom. - And every time I wash in it I feel dirty. 518 00:48:52,728 --> 00:48:55,162 It's cleaner than I am. It's got attitude. 519 00:48:55,231 --> 00:48:57,199 The mirror says, "Who the fuck are you?" 520 00:48:57,266 --> 00:48:59,928 - You chose it. - Doesn't mean I like it. 521 00:49:00,102 --> 00:49:01,967 We shouldn't have this. 522 00:49:02,037 --> 00:49:03,868 I hear middle-class guilt. 523 00:49:03,939 --> 00:49:07,875 Working-class guilt. Why are you dressed if you just had a bath? 524 00:49:09,445 --> 00:49:11,140 We needed some milk. 525 00:49:12,248 --> 00:49:13,476 You okay? 526 00:49:14,517 --> 00:49:16,246 - You? - Yeah. 527 00:49:20,489 --> 00:49:21,820 I'm going. 528 00:49:22,158 --> 00:49:24,490 - I'm sorry. - Irrelevant. 529 00:49:25,694 --> 00:49:27,525 What are you sorry for? 530 00:49:27,830 --> 00:49:29,320 Everything. 531 00:49:29,532 --> 00:49:32,524 - Why didn't you tell me before? - Cowardice. 532 00:49:34,403 --> 00:49:36,200 Is it because she's successful? 533 00:49:36,272 --> 00:49:39,435 No, it's because she doesn't need me. 534 00:49:42,878 --> 00:49:44,539 Did you bring her here? 535 00:49:46,949 --> 00:49:47,938 Yes. 536 00:49:51,887 --> 00:49:54,981 - Didn't she get married? - She stopped seeing me. 537 00:49:55,558 --> 00:49:57,651 Is that when we went to the country? 538 00:49:57,726 --> 00:50:00,388 To celebrate our third anniversary? 539 00:50:02,097 --> 00:50:05,225 Did you phone her? Beg her to come back? 540 00:50:05,801 --> 00:50:08,463 - When you went for your long, lonely walks? - Yes. 541 00:50:08,537 --> 00:50:09,902 You're a piece of shit. 542 00:50:09,972 --> 00:50:12,998 Deception is brutal. I'm not pretending otherwise. 543 00:50:13,075 --> 00:50:14,235 How? 544 00:50:14,543 --> 00:50:16,033 How does it work? 545 00:50:17,546 --> 00:50:19,707 How do you do this to someone? 546 00:50:21,483 --> 00:50:23,144 Not good enough. 547 00:50:24,453 --> 00:50:27,820 - I fell in love with her, Alice. - As if you had no choice? 548 00:50:27,890 --> 00:50:29,824 There's a moment. There's always a moment. 549 00:50:29,892 --> 00:50:33,055 "I can do this, I can give in to this, or I can resist it." 550 00:50:33,128 --> 00:50:37,121 And I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one. 551 00:50:37,199 --> 00:50:38,632 I'm going. 552 00:50:41,403 --> 00:50:43,837 - It's not safe out there. - And it's safe in here? 553 00:50:43,906 --> 00:50:45,771 What about your things? 554 00:50:46,041 --> 00:50:48,771 - I don't need things. - Where will you go? 555 00:50:49,044 --> 00:50:50,375 Disappear. 556 00:50:53,215 --> 00:50:56,048 The Sultan has returned bearing gifts. 557 00:50:59,054 --> 00:51:00,385 Thank you. 558 00:51:05,728 --> 00:51:07,093 They're beautiful. 559 00:51:07,162 --> 00:51:10,063 Here's a thing. Alice was at the hotel. 560 00:51:10,833 --> 00:51:11,822 What? 561 00:51:11,967 --> 00:51:14,765 They sell these arty postcards in the lobby. 562 00:51:15,037 --> 00:51:17,471 I bought one to boost your sales. 563 00:51:19,708 --> 00:51:22,370 "Young Woman, London." 564 00:51:23,812 --> 00:51:28,613 And I checked for your book in The Museum of Modern Art. It was there. 565 00:51:29,585 --> 00:51:31,280 Someone bought one. 566 00:51:31,487 --> 00:51:34,149 This guy with a ridiculous little beard. 567 00:51:34,223 --> 00:51:38,887 He was drooling over your photo on the inside cover. He fancied you, the geek. 568 00:51:39,094 --> 00:51:42,257 I was so proud of you. You've broken New York. 569 00:51:42,931 --> 00:51:44,421 You're wonderful. 570 00:51:45,567 --> 00:51:47,398 Don't ever forget it. 571 00:51:51,307 --> 00:51:53,138 Can I still see you? 572 00:51:57,646 --> 00:52:00,615 Dan, can I still see you? Answer me. 573 00:52:00,683 --> 00:52:03,413 I can't see you. If I see you, I'll never leave you. 574 00:52:03,485 --> 00:52:06,886 - What will you do if I find someone else? - Be jealous. 575 00:52:08,757 --> 00:52:10,748 You still fancy me? 576 00:52:11,660 --> 00:52:12,991 Of course. 577 00:52:13,929 --> 00:52:15,226 You're lying. 578 00:52:16,498 --> 00:52:18,056 I've been you. 579 00:52:21,170 --> 00:52:22,831 Will you hold me? 580 00:52:28,711 --> 00:52:32,238 - I amuse you, but I bore you. - No.