1 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,515 Last orders, please. 2 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,071 - Shaun. - Yeah? 3 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:05,317 - Do you see what I'm saying? - Yeah, totally. 4 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,193 I know he's your best friend but you do live with him. 5 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,719 I know... 6 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:14,355 It's not that I don't like Ed. Ed, it's not that I don't like you. 7 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,755 It's all right. 8 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:20,031 - It'd just be nice if we could... - Fuck. 9 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,197 ...spend a bit more time together. - Bollocks. 10 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,310 - Just the two of us. - Cock it. 11 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:28,716 With Ed here, it's no wonder I always bring my flatmates out 12 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,876 and that only exacerbates things. 13 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:34,913 - What do you mean? - You guys hardly get on, do you? 14 00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,916 No, what does "exacerbate" mean? 15 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,996 It means to make things worse. 16 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,031 Right, right. 17 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:44,755 Well, I mean, it's not that I don't like David and Di, you know. 18 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,395 - Guys, it's not that I don't like you. - It's all right. 19 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,590 And I do want to spend time with you. 20 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,598 It's just Ed doesn't have too many friends. 21 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:57,030 Can I get any of you cunts a drink? 22 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:00,911 Anybody? 23 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,315 No, thank you. 24 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,590 I know... 25 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,756 friends are important to Shaun 26 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,837 but you must set some quality time aside for yourselves. 27 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,190 Daffs is always taking me to see these listed buildings 28 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,674 and I'm always dragging him to the theatre. 29 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,598 - I'm not so hot on theatre. - How about a meal? 30 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,632 - It's your anniversary soon. - It was last week. 31 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,478 - Did you do anything special? - We came here. 32 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,670 Shaun. Hog lumps. 33 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:31,110 Shaun, what I'm trying to say is I need something more, 34 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,675 more than spending every night in the Winchester. 35 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,950 I want to do more interesting stuff. 36 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:41,232 I want you to want to want to do it. 37 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,397 Listen to me. I'm beginning to sound like your mum. 38 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,193 - Not that I'd know. - You haven't met his mum? 39 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,073 - Not yet. - Don't you get along with your mum? 40 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:53,590 - It's not her... - Are you ashamed by your mum, Shaun? 41 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,870 - No, I love my mum. - I love his mum. 42 00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:58,150 - # She's like butter # - Ed! 43 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,350 - Shaun! - Liz. 44 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,472 I understand what you're trying to say and I agree. 45 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,034 We should get out there. We'll start tomorrow. 46 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,356 I'll book a restaurant. The place that does all the fish. 47 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,277 Just the two of us. 48 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,198 Things will change. I promise. 49 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:16,037 Really, Shaun? 50 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,037 Time, gentlemen. 51 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,709 - # This town is coming like a ghost town # - Shaun? 52 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,189 'Player two has entered the game.' 53 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,435 Haven't you got work? 54 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,153 'Player two has left the game.' 55 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,799 The front door was open again last night. 56 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,868 - I'm not saying it was you. - I know, man. 57 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,558 - I'm saying it was Ed. - Right. 58 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,591 I can't live like this. 59 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:04,394 Look at the state of it. We're not students any more. 60 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:07,352 - Pete... - He brings no money into the house. 61 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,233 - He brings a bit. - What? Dealing drugs? 62 00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:13,397 He sells a bit of weed now and again. You've sold puff. 63 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,193 Yeah, once. At college. To you. 64 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:20,950 I've known him since primary school. I like having him around, he's a laugh. 65 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,560 Because he can impersonate an orang-utan? 66 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,239 - Fuck-a-doodle-doo. - Leave him alone. 67 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:29,158 I admit, he can be pretty funny on occasion. 68 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:33,751 Like that time we stayed up all night drinking apple schnapps and playing Tekken 2. 69 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,554 - When was that? - Five years ago. 70 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,750 When's he going home? 71 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,316 Hey, man, listen... Top left. 72 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,874 - Uh-huh. - I was gonna say... Reload. 73 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:49,071 - I'm on it. - Erm, since... Nice shot! 74 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,111 Thanks. 75 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,913 Two seconds. 76 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,349 - All right, Noodle? - 'Got anything? ' 77 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,675 - No, man. - 'Eball says you was holding.' 78 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,075 - I ain't got nothing. - 'Nothing at all? ' 79 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:04,510 I've only got an 'enry meself. All right, laters. 80 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,391 - Listen... - Ed... 81 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:12,877 since you're not working at the moment could you please clean up a bit? 82 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:16,799 And if you play the answer machine, can you take down everyone's messages? 83 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,035 - Yep. - It's not that taxing, is it? 84 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:22,072 Writing something on a scrap of paper? 85 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,315 - Nope. - Right. 86 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:28,956 Dom, hi... 87 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,230 Come on, it was pretty funny. 88 00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:34,829 - Will you do what he said? - I ain't doing nothing for him. 89 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,871 Do it for me, then. 90 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,549 I'm sorry, Shaun. 91 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,795 - It's all right. - No, no. 92 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,876 I'm sorry, Shaun. 93 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:48,829 Oh! 94 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,996 Oh, my God, that's rotten. 95 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:54,510 - I'll stop doing 'em when you stop laughing. - I am not laughing. 96 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,391 - Get that. - You get it. 97 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:02,355 'Shaun, it's me. I'm gonna be a bit tied up today 98 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,472 'so can you book the table for eight rather than seven? 99 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,556 'I'll try you at work. Bye, bye.' 100 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,668 Hey! You're dead. 101 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,077 - Spare some change, please, mister? - Yeah. 102 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:28,598 Watch out. Are you blind? 103 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,431 'The American deep space probe Omega 6 104 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:46,519 'unexpectedly re-entered Earth's atmosphere over England 105 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,551 'and broke apart over... ' 106 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,076 Nelson? 107 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:08,994 Nelson? 108 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,796 Hello, my friend. No beer today? 109 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:15,956 No, it's a bit early for me. 110 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:30,275 Gather round, everyone. Gather round, please. 111 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,845 Gather round. 112 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,348 As well as Mr Sloman being off today 113 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,198 I'm afraid Ash is feeling a little bit under the weather, 114 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,595 so I will be taking charge as the... 115 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,518 - Oldest. - Senior staff member. 116 00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:46,552 So if we can all pull together... 117 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:49,955 - Hello? Hello, mate. - Noel? 118 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,639 I was totally munted last night. 119 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:55,717 Yeah, I spoke to him. He's only got Henry. 120 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,351 All right, mate. Laters. 121 00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:09,915 - Continue. - Thank you. 122 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:15,478 Erm, as Mr Sloman always says, there's no I in team but there is an I in pie. 123 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,829 In... There's an I in meat pie. 124 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:21,395 The anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he's talking about. 125 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,715 Phones off. It's not a social gathering. 126 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:28,356 - All right, keep your hair on, grandad. - Hey! I'm 29 for Christ's sakes. 127 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,834 - How old are you? 20? 21? - 17. 128 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,075 Hey, well... 129 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:37,875 I know you don't wanna be here forever. I got things I wanna do with my life. 130 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:40,388 When? 131 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,670 You got red on you. 132 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,910 Hello, mate. 133 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,952 This one comes with a basic digital package. 134 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:54,039 You've got your lifestyle channels there, a bit of Trisha. 135 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:57,755 Er, you've got entertainment. I don't know what that is. 136 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:01,315 News. All the basic, er... news... 137 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,715 - channels. - 'Bizarre events... ' 138 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,558 'Coming after me... ' 139 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,068 - Shaun. - I'm with customers. 140 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:10,917 It's your dad. 141 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,155 He's not my dad, 142 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,270 he's my stepdad. 143 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:20,311 Philip. 144 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,234 Shaun. 145 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,354 You haven't forgotten about tomorrow? 146 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,437 - No. - Your bimonthly visit. 147 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,436 No, I haven't forgotten. 148 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,074 You could bring the flowers you forgot on Mother's Day. 149 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,076 I was gonna. 150 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:39,588 And not a cheap posy from a garage forecourt. 151 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,995 I wasn't gonna. 152 00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:46,478 Well, we look forward to seeing you tomorrow. 153 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,112 OK. 154 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,151 You've got red on you. 155 00:10:57,080 --> 00:11:00,436 - I thought it wasn't a social gathering? - What? 156 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,278 How comes you're allowed to speak to your dad? 157 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,437 A, he's not my dad, OK? He's my stepdad. 158 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,233 And B, it was an emergency. 159 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,716 What, like buying your mum some flowers? 160 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:17,880 Noel, I do not find it difficult to keep my work and my social life separate. 161 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,388 Shaun, it's Liz for you. 162 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,349 - Hello. - 'Hello, it's me.' 163 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,595 - Hello. - 'Did you get my message? ' 164 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:30,108 - Yep. - 'So it's all OK, then? ' 165 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:33,197 - Yep. - 'Eight at the place with all the fish? 166 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,834 'Cool, that's great. Just ring me later.' 167 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:39,953 - Goodbye, Liz. - 'Bye. Bye, bye, bye.' 168 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,231 Liz from Head Office. It's nothing to panic about. 169 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,588 Sir? Sir? 170 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,189 Sorry. Erm, they're for my mum. 171 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:57,598 Mum. "To a wonderful Mum" or "Supermum"? 172 00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:00,393 - Er... the first one. - Right. 173 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:20,558 '... London seems to have gone completely bonkers... ' 174 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,953 - Oh, my God! Shaun! - Yvonne. 175 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,912 Oooh! How are you doing? 176 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,269 - Surviving. - Are you living round here? 177 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,357 - Yeah, are you? - Yeah, I just bought a place. 178 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,437 - Bought? - I know, bit grown-up, eh? 179 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,789 - Are you still with...? - Liz. 180 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:04,072 That's great. Glad somebody made it. How long's that been now? 181 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:08,398 - Er, it's three years ago last week. - Did you do anything special? 182 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,318 - We're going out for a meal tonight. - Anywhere nice? 183 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,151 Yeah... 184 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,108 Come on! 185 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,594 - Are you gonna thank me, then? - For what? 186 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,517 Tidying up. 187 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:31,632 - It doesn't look tidy. - I had a few beers when I finished. 188 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,114 'Hello, Fulci's. Can you hold, please? ' 189 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,515 - Do you want your messages? - What? 190 00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,790 Your mum rang about tomorrow night. 191 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:41,673 Liz rang about the two of you eating out tonight. 192 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:45,508 Then your mum rang back to see if I wanted to eat her out tonight. 193 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:48,757 - 'Hello, Fulci's.' - Hi, I know it's short notice 194 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:53,112 but could you possibly do me a table for two for tonight at about eight? 195 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,958 'Sorry, we just gave away the last table.' 196 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,031 Wasn't true about your mum. 197 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,638 Where are we gonna go? 198 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:06,592 - The Winchester. - Don't be stupid! They don't do food. 199 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,837 - There's a Breville out back. - Ed, this is serious! 200 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,757 Hello. 201 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,791 - 'Hello, it's me.' - Hello. 202 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,717 'What's the plan, then? ' 203 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:20,072 Erm, there's been a bit of a... a mix-up with the table, babe. 204 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,476 - 'What do you mean? ' - They're full up. 205 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,159 'But... I thought you said it was all OK? ' 206 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,997 Yeah. 207 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,554 'You didn't book it, did you, Shaun? ' 208 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,672 - No. - 'So... what is the plan, then? ' 209 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,754 The Winchester? 210 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,274 - 'Hello? ' - Dianne, can you let me in? 211 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,153 - 'I'm not sure, Shaun.' - Oh, come on. 212 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,760 'Lizzie doesn't want to see you.' 213 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,588 - Just open the door! - 'She doesn't want to see you.' 214 00:14:56,640 --> 00:15:01,509 Do you want me to climb up the wall, come through the window? Because I will. 215 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,471 'You're not coming in.' 216 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:05,875 - OK, see you in a minute. - 'Don't... ' 217 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,991 'Hi, it's me again.' 218 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,574 Can we just talk about this? Let's go out. 219 00:15:21,609 --> 00:15:24,068 - To the Winchester? - Do you want to? 220 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,993 - No, I don't fucking want to! - OK. 221 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,190 It's not the only place in the world. 222 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:32,232 We'll go to the Shepherd's, they do Thai in there. 223 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,078 - I'm going out with David and Di. - Let's go together. 224 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:38,510 You hang out with my friends? "A failed actress and a twat"? 225 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:42,075 That's harsh. I did not call Dianne a failed actress. 226 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:46,594 Let's just go somewhere and have a laugh. Things'll be fine, I promise. 227 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,551 You promised you'd stop smoking. 228 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,797 You promised you'd try drinking red wine instead of beer! 229 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,196 - You promised we'd go on holiday. - We went to Greece! 230 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,549 - We met in Greece. - At a rave. 231 00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,478 It's not the same. You promised things would change. 232 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,830 - You promised us free cable. - I'm working on that. 233 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:08,158 I can give up smoking whenever I want. See, don't need them. 234 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,077 W- What was the next one? 235 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,509 It's not enough, Shaun. 236 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:17,156 'We appear to have a breakdown in communication there. 237 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,794 'Lf you or someone you know may... ' 238 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,308 I'd say your nine lives were up, Shaun. 239 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,157 Get fucked, four-eyes! 240 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,714 You go out with her, you love her so much. 241 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,796 What do you mean by that? 242 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:34,157 '... the devastation really is extensive. It's a total mess.' 243 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,475 I don't know what he meant by that. 244 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,075 Got you these. 245 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,957 - "To a wonderful mum"? - Oooh! 246 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,514 Yeah, that's because... 247 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:57,792 I thought it would be funny because of what you said last night 248 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,559 about you don't want to be my mum and that. 249 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,354 It's just a little joke, just sort of spur of the moment. 250 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:08,358 - They're for your mum, aren't they? - Yeah. 251 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,072 Smooth. 252 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,672 If I don't do something, I'll end up in that pub 253 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,996 for the rest of my life like those other sad old fuckers 254 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,952 wondering what the hell happened. 255 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,150 What do you mean do something? 256 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,351 Fuck her. You got your pint. 257 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,437 You got your pig snacks. What more do you want? 258 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,634 Oh. You want your favourite monkey? 259 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,911 Shall I do Clyde? 260 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:29,196 See, I knew you'd get over her. 261 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,076 # If you leave me now... # 262 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:41,429 Who the hell put this on? 263 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,914 It's on random. 264 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,679 For fuck's sake. John, yes please, mate. 265 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:54,389 You know what we should do tomorrow? Keep drinking. 266 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,351 A Bloody Mary first thing, 267 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,676 a bite at the King's Head, couple at The Little Princess, 268 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,917 stagger back here and bang... back at the bar for shots. 269 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,030 How's that for a slice of fried gold? 270 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,150 - No. - Come on, man. 271 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,437 Talk to me. 272 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:15,792 She said if she stayed with me she'd end up in here for the rest of her life 273 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:19,310 like these sad old fuckers wondering what the hell happened. 274 00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:21,157 That is harsh. 275 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,715 - These are rich, interesting characters. - Like who? 276 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:31,674 Snakehips. Always surrounded by women. 277 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,517 He's a bigamist. 278 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,518 Strangled his first wife with a draught excluder. 279 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,755 And invented the mobile disco. 280 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,830 What about her, then? 281 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,348 Ooh! Cockacidal maniac. 282 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,151 She's an ex-porn star. 283 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:52,239 They say she starred in the world's first interracial hardcore loop. 284 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,078 Cafe Au Lait... 285 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:57,588 Pour Vous. 286 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,875 Yeah. What about John, then? 287 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,878 He's North London Mafia. 288 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,911 It's true, Big Al says so. 289 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:08,758 Yeah, Big Al also says dogs can't look up. 290 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:12,839 Think about it. Handy with a blade. Gruff demeanour. 291 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,030 Bernie, the trophy wife. 292 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,799 He's connected. Why is there a rifle above the bar? 293 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:21,230 - The pub's called the Winchester. - Exactly. 294 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,113 See, you don't need Liz to have a good time. 295 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,037 - Don't, man. - No. 296 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,196 Oi, look at me. 297 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:32,756 Can I just say one thing? I'm not gonna say there's plenty more fish in the sea, 298 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,189 I'm not gonna say if you love her let her go 299 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:40,360 and I'm not gonna bombard you with clich�s but what I will say is this... 300 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,197 it's not the end of the world. 301 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,950 Sorry, we're closed. 302 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,239 Pisshead. 303 00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,237 # Ooh, white lines 304 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,157 # Visions, dreams of passion 305 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,316 # Going through my mind 306 00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,874 # And all the while I think of you... 307 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,592 Oh? 308 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,916 What's the matter, love, haven't you had your tea? 309 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,555 # Something of a phenomenon telling my body to come along 310 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,239 # Cos white lines 311 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,919 # Blow away... - Shh! 312 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:25,758 Blow! 313 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,756 # Ah, get higher, baby 314 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,395 # Ah, get higher, baby, ah, get higher, girl 315 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,715 # Ah... # 316 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,676 What? He should say base. 317 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,631 Or freeze. 318 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,272 What a tit. 319 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,071 # You wanna dance? # 320 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,716 Don't scratch it! Wait... 321 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:13,516 - That was the second album I ever bought! - It's four in the fucking morning! 322 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,596 - It's Saturday! - No, it's not. 323 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,837 It's fucking Sunday and I've got to go to fucking work 324 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:22,714 in four fucking hours because every other fucker is fucking ill! 325 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,274 Now can you see why I'm so fucking angry? 326 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,151 - Fuck, yeah! - Hey! Pete, look, 327 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:32,638 I'm sorry, we had a couple of drinks, we split up with Liz tonight. 328 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,595 Just keep it down, yeah? 329 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,073 Prick. 330 00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:40,872 What was that? 331 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,353 Nothing. 332 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:46,518 - Stop it, we're friends! - He's not my friend. He's a fucking idiot. 333 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:50,075 - What's that supposed to mean? - It means why don't you fuck off! 334 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:53,715 You wanna live like an animal, live in the shed, you thick fuck! 335 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,399 - Leave him alone! - Stop defending him. 336 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,237 All he ever does is hold you back. 337 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:02,114 Or is it easier having someone around who's more of a loser than you? 338 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,391 - What's that supposed to mean? - You know what I mean. 339 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,079 I assume it was Liz who did the dumping? 340 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,438 Sort your fucking life out, mate. 341 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:14,755 What's up with your hand, man? 342 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,151 - I got mugged on the way home from work. - By who? 343 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,158 - Some crackheads. One of them bit me. - Why? 344 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,237 I don't know, I didn't stop to ask them! 345 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:29,193 I've got a splitting headache and your stupid hip hop isn't helping. 346 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,993 And the front door is open. Again! 347 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:37,475 It's not hip hop, it's electro. Prick. 348 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,034 Next time I see him, he's dead. 349 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,912 'Shaun, it's me. I'm gonna be a bit tied up today 350 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:57,350 'so can you book the table for eight rather than seven? 351 00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,391 'I'll try you at work. Bye, bye.' 352 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,440 'Hello, pickle. It's me, Mum. 353 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:07,792 'Dad mentioned you might be visiting tomorrow which would be lovely. 354 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,991 'Will you be bringing Elizabeth with you this time? 355 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,508 'Only we can't wait to meet her finally 356 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:17,872 'and also I was wondering if she wanted anything special for lunch? 357 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:21,708 'Cos these days a lot of people don't eat meat.' 358 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,508 Do you want anything from the shop? 359 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,751 Cornetto. 360 00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,229 Nelson, have you got any papers? 361 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,468 Nelson? I haven't even... 362 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,590 I owe you about 15p. 363 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,551 Oh dear. 364 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,270 Sorry, I haven't got any change. 365 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:35,199 I didn't even have enough at the fucking shop. Oh dear. 366 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:50,157 '... no official comment but religious groups are calling it Judgement Day. There's... ' 367 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,998 #... panic on the streets of London... # 368 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,555 - '... number of reports of... ' - '... serious attacks on... ' 369 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,398 - '... people who are being... ' - '... eaten alive.' 370 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:03,638 'Witness reports are sketchy. One unifying detail seems to be 371 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,399 'that the attackers appear to be... ' 372 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,830 '... the sensational chart-topping... ' 373 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:14,715 '... or ideological connection between those committing the atrocities... ' 374 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,035 There's a girl in the garden. 375 00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,789 - '... emergency services... ' - What? 376 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:22,910 In the garden, there is a girl. 377 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:27,397 '... the armed forces will be called in to provide backup and assistance. 378 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:32,116 'Scientists are still trying to establish the nature of the phenomenon 379 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,720 'and are unsure as to the... ' 380 00:27:34,755 --> 00:27:37,188 Excuse me. 381 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,911 Excuse me. 382 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:45,473 Hello. 383 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,989 - What are you doing? - Oi! 384 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,392 Oh, my God. 385 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:15,831 She's so drunk. 386 00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:21,315 How much have you had, love? 387 00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:24,079 - Oh! I think she likes you. - Shut up. 388 00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:27,510 - She wants a cuddle! - I've just come out of a relationship. 389 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:31,189 - Ed, do something! - Wait there. 390 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,276 - Ed! - Two seconds. 391 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,914 I'm really flattered and everything but... 392 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,592 And, hold it there. 393 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,631 Ed! Just get her off me. 394 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,875 Jesus! 395 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:49,592 - What's up with her eyes? - Now, seriously... 396 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:53,315 Mary, I'm warning you, I'll have to get physical, I mean it! 397 00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,510 This is it... Look, just fuck off! 398 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,999 - I think we should go back inside. - OK. 399 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,748 - Shaun, what's going on? - Shit, it's engaged. 400 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,037 - How about an ambulance? - It's engaged, Ed. 401 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,231 - Fire engine? - It's one number and it's busy! 402 00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:53,990 - And what do you want a fire engine for? - Anything with flashing lights. 403 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,156 Are they still out there? 404 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,831 Yeah. What do you think we should do? 405 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:07,552 Have a sit-down? 406 00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:10,273 'There are reports of chaos on the motorways 407 00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:13,437 'as thousands of people attempt to flee the cities. 408 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:17,109 'The M1, the M3, M4, M6... ' 409 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:21,631 - Do you think this is the same thing? - '... are all at a standstill. 410 00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:27,676 'The Home Office is urging people to stay in their homes and await further instruction.' 411 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,518 'Ensure all residences are secure 412 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:35,429 'with all doors and windows firmly locked and barricaded. Police... ' 413 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:42,237 - For God's sake! He's got an arm off! - Get him! 414 00:30:55,680 --> 00:31:01,789 'More reports just in confirm that in all cases the attackers seem slow and shambolic... ' 415 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,035 I'm gonna shut the front door. 416 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:08,073 '... regarding the best way to neutralise the attackers. 417 00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:13,194 'Ln the meantime, contact with these assailants is highly inadvisable.' 418 00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,949 - Did you see his head go? - 'Lf you're confronted... ' 419 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,872 - We should get out there. - No, we should stay inside. 420 00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:25,832 - We can take 'em. - The man said to stay indoors. 421 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,440 - Fuck the man. - In here, we're safe. 422 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:36,515 '... the attackers can be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain. 423 00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:41,680 'I'll repeat that, by removing the head or destroying the brain.' 424 00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:50,359 Hey! 425 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:53,872 Aim for the head. 426 00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:13,912 - Now what? - Get more stuff. 427 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,235 - What's in the shed? - Dunno, it's locked. 428 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,714 - Why is it locked? - It's always been locked. 429 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:22,749 No! That's the second album I ever bought! 430 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,276 Some of these are limited... Ah! What was that? 431 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:35,788 - Blue Monday. - That was an original pressing. 432 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,910 For fuck's sake. 433 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,837 - Erm... Purple Rain? - No. 434 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,598 - Sign O' The Times? - Definitely not. 435 00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:43,676 - The Batman soundtrack? - Throw it. 436 00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:48,037 - Dire Straits? - Throw it. 437 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,035 - Er... Ooh, Stone Roses? - No. 438 00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:56,310 - Second Coming? - I like it. 439 00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:58,316 Ah! Sade? 440 00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,476 - That's Liz's. - She dumped you. 441 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,999 - I'm going to the shed. - You said it was locked. 442 00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:19,399 - Which one do you want? Girl or bloke? - Er... the first one. 443 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:41,752 'People receiving bites have experienced headaches and nausea 444 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:43,711 'and developed symptoms... ' 445 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:45,557 You've got red on you. 446 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:47,875 'Lf you know someone who has been bitten 447 00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:51,754 'it is absolutely essential that you isolate them immediately. 448 00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:56,191 'The public are being strongly advised not to approach anyone... ' 449 00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:58,078 Pete? 450 00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:02,799 Pete? 451 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,910 - Why don't we just go up? - Don't go up there! 452 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,872 - Why not? - Because A, he might be one of them 453 00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:10,434 and B, he might still be annoyed. 454 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,357 Pete? 455 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:14,391 Maybe he went into work. 456 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:17,557 How come he didn't drive? His keys are still here. 457 00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:22,071 Maybe he got a lift. He said he wasn't feeling well. Pete? 458 00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,680 Oi, prick! 459 00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:26,915 He's not in. 460 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,758 - You got a fag? - No, I've given up. 461 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,155 - Since when? - Since... 462 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,513 Come on, babe. Oh, she's engaged. 463 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:40,028 - That was quick. - Ed, this is serious. 464 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:41,433 Liz! 465 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,756 - 'Shaun.' - Mum! I was gonna call you. Are you OK? 466 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,791 - 'Yes.' - Are you sure? 467 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,354 'Some men tried to get into the house.' 468 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:53,234 - Are they still there? - 'I'm not sure. We shut the curtains.' 469 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:56,829 - Did you try the police? - 'Well, I thought about it.' 470 00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,236 - Are you OK? Did they hurt you? - 'No, I'm fine.' 471 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:04,273 - Mum? - 'Well... they were a bit bitey.' 472 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,909 - Mum, have you been bitten? - 'No, but Philip has.' 473 00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:11,871 - Oh, OK. - Has she been bitten? 474 00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,638 - No, Philip has. - Oh, OK. 475 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:17,992 - Mum, what state is he in? - 'He's fine. Bit under the weather.' 476 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:19,837 - I see. - What's the deal? 477 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:24,078 We may have to kill my stepdad. Mum, you're not safe there. I'm coming. 478 00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:27,351 - 'I don't want to cause a fuss.' - We're coming to get you, Barbara! 479 00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,600 So, what's the plan? 480 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:34,314 Right. 481 00:35:35,240 --> 00:35:37,913 'We take Pete's car, we drive over to Mum's, 482 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:41,236 'we go in, we take care of Philip.' 483 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,475 I'm so sorry, Philip. 484 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,954 'Then we grab Mum, go over to Liz's place, 485 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,116 'hole up, have a cup of tea 486 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,913 'and wait for all this to blow over.' 487 00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:53,793 - Why have we got to go to Liz's? - Because we do. 488 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,513 - She dumped you. - I have to know if she's all right. 489 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,994 - Why? - Because I love her. 490 00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,151 All right, gay. 491 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,555 - I'm not staying there, though. - Why not? 492 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,433 If we hole up, I want to be somewhere familiar, 493 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:11,359 I wanna know where the exits are and I wanna be allowed to smoke. 494 00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:13,550 OK... 495 00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:15,591 'Take Pete's car, go round Mum's, 496 00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,074 'go in, deal with Philip.' 497 00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:19,394 Sorry, Philip. 498 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:22,750 'Grab mum, go to Liz's, pick her up, bring her back here, 499 00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:26,156 'have a cup of tea and wait for all this to blow over.' 500 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:27,519 Perfik. 501 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,472 No, wait, we can't bring them back here. 502 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,193 - Why not? - It's not exactly safe, is it? 503 00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:35,117 Yeah. Look at the state of it. 504 00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:38,789 Where's safe? Where's familiar? 505 00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,353 Where can I smoke? 506 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,154 'Take car, go to Mum's, kill Phil.' 507 00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:51,510 - Sorry. - 'Grab Liz, go to the Winchester, 508 00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:55,235 'have a nice cold pint and wait for all this to blow over.' 509 00:36:56,240 --> 00:36:58,879 How's that for a slice of fried gold? 510 00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:00,592 Yeah, boy! 511 00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:03,791 'To recap, it is vital that you stay in your homes. 512 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:06,149 'Make no attempt to reach loved ones 513 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:09,795 'and avoid all physical contact with the assailants.' 514 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,559 Do you believe everything you hear on TV? 515 00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:16,353 Yeah, I can see it, it's just outside. 516 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,391 Any zombies out there? 517 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,072 - Don't say that. - What? 518 00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,031 - That. - What? 519 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:25,389 That. The Z word. Don't say it. 520 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,908 - Why not? - Because it's ridiculous. 521 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:31,396 All right. Are there any out there, though? 522 00:37:33,240 --> 00:37:36,550 Can't see any. Maybe it's not as bad as all that. 523 00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,591 Oh! No, there they are. 524 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,035 - OK, let's do this, yeah? - Yeah? 525 00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,150 Yeah! I got to do a wee first. 526 00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,156 Ooh... can I drive? 527 00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:48,713 What? 528 00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:52,548 I always wanted to drive Pete's car. I might not get another chance. 529 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:54,113 OK. 530 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:26,478 Ahh! Oh, God. 531 00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:30,718 Sorry, Pete. Listen, we're gonna borrow your car, OK? 532 00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:32,751 Erm, we'll bring it back. 533 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:37,794 And if you're feeling better later, we're... we're going to the pub. 534 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:41,150 You're more than welcome to, er... 535 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:42,553 join us. 536 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:53,078 Pete'd be so pissed off if he knew I was driving his car. 537 00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:54,519 I don't think so. 538 00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,588 Shaun, which button's central locking? 539 00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:06,072 Oh, cock it! 540 00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,270 Get lost! 541 00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:24,517 Drive. 542 00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:30,558 'The Church of England has joined other extremist religious groups 543 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:33,797 'in proclaiming this "a sign of a coming apocalypse". 544 00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:37,833 'Downing Street is refusing to be drawn into a religious debate. 545 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:43,318 'The bodies of the recently deceased are returning to life and attacking the living.' 546 00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:46,113 Let's put something else on. 547 00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:48,515 What are you doing? Ed, look out! 548 00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:54,871 I think we hit something. 549 00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,191 Or someone. 550 00:39:59,240 --> 00:40:00,719 Ow! 551 00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:10,919 Are you all right? 552 00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:12,951 Come on, let's just go. 553 00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,108 Hello? 554 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,118 - He's gonna be dead either way. - That's not the point. 555 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:25,951 Oh, thank God for that. 556 00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:31,868 Ah, hello. 557 00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:34,677 Who's a pretty boy then? 558 00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,835 You didn't say Barbara had a Jag. I've always wanted to drive a Jag. 559 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,155 It's Philip's. He won't let anybody near it. 560 00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:47,237 I put a Mars Bar in it once and he chased me with a bit of wood. 561 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:51,193 - Fuck, it's gorgeous. - It seems pretty clear, we should go. 562 00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:53,959 Why don't I stay here? 563 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,036 What, what, what, what, what? 564 00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:59,868 You know, just look after the car. If there's any problems... 565 00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:01,911 I'll honk three times. 566 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:03,075 OK. 567 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:09,670 Don't forget to kill Philip! 568 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:12,950 - Hello, pickle. - Hi, Mum. 569 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:15,477 You've got red on you. 570 00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,637 Yeah. Mum, is everything OK? Are you all right? 571 00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:20,989 - Yes, I'm fine. - Where's Philip? 572 00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:23,349 - Dad's in the lounge. - He's not my dad. 573 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:24,674 Really! 574 00:41:24,720 --> 00:41:27,109 Ed's outside, we'll take you somewhere safe. 575 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,118 - What about the doctor? - I don't think he's gonna come. 576 00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:34,039 - Philip won't want to leave the house. - Philip isn't... 577 00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:36,878 Put the kettle on and I'll deal with Philip. 578 00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:38,717 - OK. - OK, then. 579 00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:40,432 - You hungry? - Not really. 580 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:42,789 - I'll make some sandwiches. - OK. 581 00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:45,671 No fighting, you two. 582 00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,633 '... you may ask where is our God? 583 00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:54,434 'But throughout the land, men and women of integrity 584 00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:57,119 'rise up to confront the unseen enemy. 585 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:00,995 'They will not be cowards, 586 00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:04,589 'they will be courageous in the face of danger.' 587 00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:12,869 - I'm so sorry, Philip. - Why? 588 00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:15,275 - What have you done now? - Nothing. 589 00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:17,629 What have you got there? Flowers, I hope. 590 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,433 No, it's... cricket bat. 591 00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:23,233 - Is that for the jumble, Shaun? - No. Yes. 592 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,636 Your toys are upstairs. I was going to give them to the jumble. 593 00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,672 - I took them all to the tip, Barbara. - What? 594 00:42:29,720 --> 00:42:32,712 - Shaun wants to take us somewhere. - Don't be silly. 595 00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:35,399 Maybe you should stay here and wait for the doctor. 596 00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:38,671 - You said he wasn't coming. - You didn't call the doctor? 597 00:42:38,720 --> 00:42:43,510 - Just to be on the safe side. - I'm fine. I ran it under a cold tap. 598 00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:46,632 We had ourjabs when we went to the Isle of Wight. 599 00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,399 - But, Philip... - It's overblown nonsense. 600 00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:53,433 - A lot of drug nuts running wild. - But I should get Mum away. 601 00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:56,517 - I'm not going anywhere without Philip. - Mum, look! 602 00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:59,438 How about that tea? 603 00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:03,234 Mum, how much do you love Philip? 604 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:06,909 - Two sugars, is it? - I haven't had sugar in my tea since 1982. 605 00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,315 Oh, yes. Will you cut me some bread, love? 606 00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:12,557 Mum, look, how much do you love Philip? 607 00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:15,068 Do we have to go through all that again? 608 00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:19,113 What would you say if I told you that Philip's been quite unkind to me? 609 00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,071 You weren't easy to live with. 610 00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:24,635 - He chased me with a bit of wood! - You did call him a you-know-what. 611 00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:27,513 - Did he tell you that? Motherfucker. - Shaun! 612 00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:29,471 Sorry, Mother... Mum! 613 00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:33,957 Did you know that on several occasions... he touched me? 614 00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,591 That wasn't true. Made it up, shouldn't have, sorry. 615 00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:45,791 - You don't understand... - No, you don't understand. 616 00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:48,673 Philip is my husband and has been for 17 years 617 00:43:48,720 --> 00:43:52,190 and I would at least expect you to respect my feelings. 618 00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:54,879 You must be more adult about these things. 619 00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:56,751 Yeah. 620 00:43:56,800 --> 00:44:00,839 Come on, Shaun. There comes a time when... 621 00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,189 you just... 622 00:44:04,240 --> 00:44:06,231 gotta be a man. 623 00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,668 I'm telling you, it's a fuss over nothing. 624 00:44:15,720 --> 00:44:17,597 Hello, Edward. 625 00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:20,074 - Hi, Barbara. - My, how you've grown. 626 00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:23,430 You better believe it. What happened? Why is he coming? 627 00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:26,995 - It wasn't as easy as all that. - Are we following you? 628 00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:30,510 No, it's probably best if we... Where's the car? 629 00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:33,472 Hmm... I pranged it. 630 00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:35,112 You were parked. 631 00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:36,912 Yeah. 632 00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:39,394 I guess we'll have to take the Jag. 633 00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,115 - Philip? - What? 634 00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:45,151 Look out! 635 00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:48,597 Christ! 636 00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:59,279 - Give me the car keys! - You're not driving that car. 637 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:02,392 Give me the car keys! Ed, get Mum in the car. 638 00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,590 I'm on it. 639 00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:07,473 Don't worry about me. Worry about your mother. 640 00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:11,677 - Maybe I should drive. - I've adjusted the seat now. 641 00:45:11,720 --> 00:45:13,472 Just be careful! 642 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:26,519 Can you please turn that noise down? 643 00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:31,271 Are you all right, dear? Would you like another tissue? 644 00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:34,630 I'd be fine if it weren't for that bloody racket. 645 00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,796 - It is a bit loud. - Sorry, Barbara. 646 00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,794 You do realise this is a 20 mile an hour zone? 647 00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:43,353 Oh, yeah. 648 00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:48,668 - Here. - Mum, this won't take a second, all right? 649 00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:56,072 - Have you still got the child locks on? - Safety first, Shaun. 650 00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:58,111 You can't... 651 00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:01,954 Hey, man, watch the leather. 652 00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:07,113 Keep moving. If there's any problems... 653 00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:09,390 I'll do the honks.