1
00:00:30,029 --> 00:00:32,863
"I found out long ago"

2
00:00:34,863 --> 00:00:39,198
"It's a long way down a Holiday Road"

3
00:00:52,785 --> 00:00:55,536
"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick"

4
00:00:57,870 --> 00:01:01,205
"Going to take a ride
to the West Coast, kids"

5
00:01:02,538 --> 00:01:05,206
"Holiday Road!"

6
00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:09,498
"Holiday Road!"

7
00:01:12,874 --> 00:01:16,834
"Holiday Road!"

8
00:01:17,876 --> 00:01:21,836
"Holiday Road!"

9
00:01:34,923 --> 00:01:37,298
"I found out long ago"

10
00:01:39,924 --> 00:01:44,259
"It's a long way down a Holiday Road"

11
00:01:44,592 --> 00:01:47,260
"Holiday Road"

12
00:01:49,802 --> 00:01:52,469
"Holiday Road"

13
00:01:54,929 --> 00:01:57,554
"Holiday Road"

14
00:02:35,023 --> 00:02:37,691
Clark Griswold.
I'm trading my wife's old car in.

15
00:02:39,316 --> 00:02:40,984
Say good-bye
to the old gas-guzzler, Russ!

16
00:02:43,152 --> 00:02:44,776
It's pretty exciting, isn't it, Rusty?

17
00:02:45,193 --> 00:02:45,901
What's that, Dad?

18
00:02:45,985 --> 00:02:46,944
Picking up the new car!

19
00:02:48,819 --> 00:02:49,987
You can't wait, can you?

20
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:52,028
Hi there, Ed!

21
00:02:52,279 --> 00:02:53,446
Good to see you, Mr. Griswold!

22
00:02:53,529 --> 00:02:54,821
How are you doing?
Rubin right?

23
00:02:55,029 --> 00:02:56,029
Rusty.

24
00:02:56,905 --> 00:02:57,905
Look at him. He can't wait.

25
00:02:58,197 --> 00:02:59,655
So, did you bring your trade-in?

26
00:03:00,031 --> 00:03:01,823
Yes, a guy just took it away
a couple of seconds ago.

27
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,866
Well, let's get to it, then.

28
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,490
We were worried that the new car
might not be ready yet.

29
00:03:06,574 --> 00:03:08,867
We're on our way to California
in the morning...

30
00:03:08,950 --> 00:03:10,951
...big vacation, the whole family,
Walley World...

31
00:03:11,035 --> 00:03:12,701
Walley World? Very exciting, Clyde.

32
00:03:13,035 --> 00:03:13,701
Clark.

33
00:03:14,036 --> 00:03:15,077
Well, there she is.

34
00:03:16,036 --> 00:03:16,660
Where?

35
00:03:17,369 --> 00:03:18,411
Right here. The wagon.

36
00:03:19,536 --> 00:03:20,996
Dad, this is not the car you ordered!

37
00:03:22,038 --> 00:03:22,871
Take it easy, Rusty.

38
00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:25,164
Ed, this is not the car I ordered.

39
00:03:27,039 --> 00:03:30,331
I distinctly ordered the Antarctic Blue,
Super Sportswagon...

40
00:03:30,706 --> 00:03:32,832
...with the C.B. and the optional
Rally fun pack.

41
00:03:34,207 --> 00:03:36,125
You didn't order the Metallic Pea?

42
00:03:36,541 --> 00:03:39,417
Metallic Pea? No, Antarctic Blue.

43
00:03:39,959 --> 00:03:40,959
The Sportswagon.

44
00:03:41,043 --> 00:03:42,085
This isn't even the right model!

45
00:03:43,835 --> 00:03:46,170
You know, I think you're right.
I don't think this is the car.

46
00:03:46,253 --> 00:03:48,212
This is the new
Wagonqueen Family Truckster.

47
00:03:48,587 --> 00:03:51,963
This is a fine automobile,
if you want my honest opinion.

48
00:03:52,088 --> 00:03:53,921
It beats the hell out of
the Sportswagon but...

49
00:03:54,005 --> 00:03:55,589
...I want to make you happy.

50
00:03:55,922 --> 00:03:56,547
Davenport!

51
00:03:57,256 --> 00:03:58,214
I'll get to the bottom of this.

52
00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:03,133
Mr. Griswold ordered a blue Sportswagon.
Where is it?

53
00:04:03,966 --> 00:04:04,966
I don't know, sir.

54
00:04:08,425 --> 00:04:11,093
I know what must have happened!

55
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:12,552
It didn't come in!

56
00:04:12,927 --> 00:04:17,220
Ed, I'm not your ordinary,
everyday fool. Okay?

57
00:04:18,595 --> 00:04:21,763
Now, I'd like my Antarctic Blue
Super Sportswagon right now.

58
00:04:21,804 --> 00:04:24,638
If you can't get it for me,
I'm going to take my business elsewhere!

59
00:04:25,806 --> 00:04:26,639
Where's my old car?

60
00:04:31,016 --> 00:04:33,017
I'm just as upset as you are.
Believe me.

61
00:04:33,683 --> 00:04:34,683
Davenport!

62
00:04:35,350 --> 00:04:38,309
Get Mr. Griswold's car back!
Bring it back here!

63
00:04:44,519 --> 00:04:46,520
And I can get you the wagon,
there's no problem there.

64
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,271
The problem is, it might take six weeks.

65
00:04:49,354 --> 00:04:51,438
Now, I owe it to myself
to tell you, Mr. Griswold...

66
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:54,397
...if you're thinking of taking
the tribe cross-country...

67
00:04:54,481 --> 00:04:56,439
...this is the automobile
you should be using.

68
00:04:56,815 --> 00:04:58,274
The Wagonqueen Family Truckster.

69
00:04:58,857 --> 00:05:01,358
You think you hate it now,
but wait until you drive it.

70
00:05:01,858 --> 00:05:04,609
I don't want to drive it.
I just want my old car back, okay?

71
00:05:05,359 --> 00:05:06,692
I'm not falling for this bit.

72
00:05:06,943 --> 00:05:08,652
No way. Let's go, Russ.

73
00:05:42,370 --> 00:05:43,662
Clark, is that the right car?

74
00:05:44,079 --> 00:05:46,412
No, it isn't, honey. I changed my mind.

75
00:05:47,371 --> 00:05:49,330
They flattened our old car
like a pancake.

76
00:05:50,372 --> 00:05:52,207
Are you serious?
Is this really our car, Dad?

77
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,749
What happened? I thought we were
going to get the little Sportswagon.

78
00:05:57,083 --> 00:05:59,541
Oh, no!
The Sportswagon's much too small.

79
00:05:59,875 --> 00:06:01,333
Besides, I got a great deal on this one.

80
00:06:02,085 --> 00:06:06,044
Believe me, we're taking
the whole tribe across country.

81
00:06:06,418 --> 00:06:07,752
This is your automobile.

82
00:06:09,753 --> 00:06:10,795
Why is it still running?

83
00:06:11,753 --> 00:06:13,213
Oh, all new cars do that.

84
00:06:13,587 --> 00:06:15,046
I'll take care of that in a second.

85
00:06:18,089 --> 00:06:20,798
You may think you hate it now,
but wait until you drive it.

86
00:06:23,590 --> 00:06:24,966
An air bag!

87
00:06:25,423 --> 00:06:28,466
You know, Clark, it's not too late
to fly out to California.

88
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:29,884
We only have two weeks.

89
00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:32,218
Let's not get into that again,
sweet pie. Please?

90
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:36,761
Lots of families fly, Clark.
Especially cross-country.

91
00:06:37,594 --> 00:06:41,554
The idea of a family vacation
is to be together as a family.

92
00:06:41,762 --> 00:06:45,721
On a plane, you put on earphones
and you're lost in your own world.

93
00:06:46,597 --> 00:06:48,556
It's a very long drive, Clark.

94
00:06:48,931 --> 00:06:50,890
I'm looking forward to a long drive.

95
00:06:51,057 --> 00:06:52,807
You get to see the kids all the time!

96
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:56,892
I only see them a few minutes
in the mornings and evenings...

97
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,642
...and a few hours on the weekends.

98
00:06:59,475 --> 00:07:04,103
Someday I'll wake up and realize
my babies have grown up!

99
00:07:04,477 --> 00:07:05,435
And then what?

100
00:07:06,352 --> 00:07:09,687
I just thought it would be
easier to fly.

101
00:07:10,145 --> 00:07:12,479
Nothing that is worthwhile
is easy, Ellen.

102
00:07:13,521 --> 00:07:14,522
We know that.

103
00:07:15,689 --> 00:07:16,355
Kids?

104
00:07:17,982 --> 00:07:19,314
Do you want to see the trip plan?

105
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,482
Not now, we're playing a game!

106
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,274
Okay, shut off the video games.

107
00:07:23,649 --> 00:07:24,984
Come on, Russ. Shut it off.

108
00:07:25,984 --> 00:07:28,860
I know you'll enjoy this. I've worked
out the whole trip on the computer...

109
00:07:29,151 --> 00:07:32,027
...so that we get the maximum amount
of fun time at Walley World...

110
00:07:32,111 --> 00:07:34,152
...without missing any
of the good stuff along the way.

111
00:07:35,153 --> 00:07:36,528
Here we go! There's us.

112
00:07:36,862 --> 00:07:38,654
And there's Walley World!

113
00:07:39,529 --> 00:07:41,989
Now, let's just take a look at Day One.
Shall we?

114
00:07:42,155 --> 00:07:43,738
Honey, come on in!
We're going to do Day One!

115
00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:53,408
Okay, now, there's the Family Truckster
as we leave Chicago.

116
00:07:58,577 --> 00:08:00,743
Rusty, please, do not eat the Truckster!

117
00:08:02,536 --> 00:08:05,996
Russ, do you mind? I'm trying to work
this out here on the computer.

118
00:08:07,871 --> 00:08:10,496
Okay, Audrey. Thank you, Audrey.
That's just great.

119
00:08:12,747 --> 00:08:14,081
Look out, Dad, here I come.

120
00:08:14,747 --> 00:08:16,748
All right, that's enough, Russ.

121
00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:18,665
Okay, now,
I think we're moving further...

122
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:20,499
Good shot, Audrey.

123
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,207
Dad, I forgot. Why aren't we flying?

124
00:08:23,417 --> 00:08:27,085
Because getting there is half the fun!
You know that!

125
00:08:29,878 --> 00:08:32,544
I turned off the water,
the stove, the heat and the air.

126
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,211
Locked the door and notified the police.
Stopped the newspapers.

127
00:08:35,295 --> 00:08:36,754
I called to get the grass cut.

128
00:08:36,838 --> 00:08:38,921
Did I put the timers
on the living room lights?

129
00:08:39,755 --> 00:08:41,255
Don't forget the mail...

130
00:08:46,299 --> 00:08:47,049
So long!

131
00:08:47,257 --> 00:08:48,591
Drive careful now, Clark!

132
00:08:51,925 --> 00:08:53,133
Watch those freeways!

133
00:08:54,259 --> 00:08:55,217
Good-bye!

134
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:57,469
I know I've forgotten something.

135
00:08:58,427 --> 00:09:00,136
Walley World, here we come!

136
00:09:11,973 --> 00:09:15,307
"Mockingbird, tell me, everybody

137
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:16,974
"Have you heard?

138
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,808
"He's gonna buy me...

139
00:09:20,183 --> 00:09:21,517
"A mockingbird

140
00:09:21,851 --> 00:09:25,185
"And if that mockingbird don't sing

141
00:09:25,518 --> 00:09:29,686
"He's gonna buy me a diamond ring

142
00:09:30,144 --> 00:09:33,937
"And if that diamond ring don't shine

143
00:09:34,313 --> 00:09:37,856
"He's surely gonna break
this heart of mine

144
00:09:37,981 --> 00:09:41,315
"And that's why I keep on singin'

145
00:09:41,398 --> 00:09:42,982
"Did you hear now..."

146
00:09:46,191 --> 00:09:46,983
Come on, kids.

147
00:09:47,316 --> 00:09:48,275
We don't know any of your songs!

148
00:09:48,650 --> 00:09:50,358
Dad, is that made up?
It sounds made up!

149
00:09:50,817 --> 00:09:51,860
I know a song!

150
00:09:52,193 --> 00:09:55,861
How about
"The Walley World National Anthem"?

151
00:09:56,861 --> 00:09:57,861
Okay, you start it.

152
00:09:58,528 --> 00:10:03,112
"Who's the moosiest moose we know?
Marty Moose!

153
00:10:03,696 --> 00:10:07,031
"Who's the star of our favorite show?
Marty Moose!

154
00:10:07,405 --> 00:10:10,364
" 'M' is for merry,
we're merry, you see

155
00:10:10,865 --> 00:10:14,199
" 'O' is for 'O' gosh!
'O' golly! 'O' gee!

156
00:10:14,449 --> 00:10:17,867
" 'S' is for super-swell family glee

157
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,534
" 'E' is for everything you want to be

158
00:10:22,076 --> 00:10:25,036
"M-A-R-T-Y

159
00:10:26,037 --> 00:10:29,245
"M-O-O-S-E

160
00:10:29,913 --> 00:10:30,746
"What's that spell?

161
00:10:31,412 --> 00:10:34,080
"Marty Moose, Marty Moose, Marty Moose

162
00:10:34,413 --> 00:10:37,247
"That's me!"

163
00:10:38,664 --> 00:10:40,041
All right! That's more like it!

164
00:10:40,749 --> 00:10:41,916
Here's one you don't know.

165
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:44,208
We used to sing it
when you were little kids.

166
00:10:45,374 --> 00:10:47,501
"Jimmy crack corn
And I don't care..."

167
00:11:10,007 --> 00:11:12,883
"Swing low...

168
00:11:12,925 --> 00:11:15,926
"Sweet chariot...

169
00:11:17,092 --> 00:11:19,051
"Comin' for to carry me home

170
00:11:22,427 --> 00:11:24,804
"I looked over Jordan
and what did I see?

171
00:11:25,012 --> 00:11:26,470
"Comin' for to carry me home"

172
00:11:29,262 --> 00:11:30,304
What smells in here, honey?

173
00:11:31,597 --> 00:11:33,305
Russ! Russ! Your feet.

174
00:12:31,739 --> 00:12:32,907
Isn't this the gas tank?

175
00:12:34,031 --> 00:12:34,907
Yes, I know, honey.

176
00:12:35,407 --> 00:12:38,408
Get in the car.
I'm just fixing the license plate.

177
00:12:44,535 --> 00:12:45,827
Do you see that, kids?

178
00:12:46,076 --> 00:12:49,035
That's the St. Louis Arch.
The Gateway to the West.

179
00:12:49,411 --> 00:12:52,870
It's over 600 feet tall, and there's
an elevator all the way to the top.

180
00:12:55,538 --> 00:12:56,872
Dad, can we go up on it?

181
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:57,831
No.

182
00:12:58,497 --> 00:12:59,706
Dad, what river is this?

183
00:13:00,456 --> 00:13:03,164
That's the Mississippi.
The mighty Mississip.

184
00:13:04,541 --> 00:13:05,541
The old Miss...

185
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,000
The old man...

186
00:13:18,086 --> 00:13:19,837
Clark, I think this is the wrong exit.

187
00:13:20,629 --> 00:13:22,962
What's the difference,
as long as we get across the river?

188
00:13:33,799 --> 00:13:35,133
Clark? What are you doing?

189
00:13:36,425 --> 00:13:37,300
Just relax, Ellen.

190
00:13:37,633 --> 00:13:38,967
This is so dangerous!

191
00:13:39,426 --> 00:13:42,051
We have no business being
in an area like this!

192
00:13:43,677 --> 00:13:45,595
This is a part of America
we never get to see.

193
00:13:45,969 --> 00:13:46,803
That's good!

194
00:13:47,136 --> 00:13:48,095
No, that's bad.

195
00:13:48,470 --> 00:13:50,804
We can't close our eyes
to the plight of the cities.

196
00:13:51,888 --> 00:13:53,471
Kids, are you noticing all this plight?

197
00:13:54,972 --> 00:13:56,972
This will just make us
appreciate what we have.

198
00:13:58,473 --> 00:13:59,307
Roll them up!

199
00:14:07,142 --> 00:14:10,018
I'd better ask these fellows
how to get back on the expressway.

200
00:14:14,269 --> 00:14:16,854
I wonder if you could tell me how
to get back on the expressway?

201
00:14:17,812 --> 00:14:18,770
Fuck your mama!

202
00:14:18,937 --> 00:14:20,104
Thank you very much!

203
00:14:33,859 --> 00:14:35,483
Hey, excuse me?

204
00:14:37,693 --> 00:14:40,360
What it is, bro'!
We're from out of town.

205
00:14:41,110 --> 00:14:42,027
No shit?

206
00:14:42,527 --> 00:14:44,111
Listen, I'd really appreciate it
if you could...

207
00:14:44,236 --> 00:14:46,945
...give me directions
back onto the expressway.

208
00:14:47,237 --> 00:14:48,446
What? For free?

209
00:14:49,112 --> 00:14:49,864
Sure.

210
00:14:50,238 --> 00:14:51,447
Five dollars.

211
00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:54,197
I'm not going to give you
$5 for directions!

212
00:14:54,573 --> 00:14:56,156
I think that's fair, Clark.

213
00:14:58,907 --> 00:15:00,158
Okay. Here's $10.

214
00:15:04,534 --> 00:15:05,659
Keep the change.

215
00:15:06,701 --> 00:15:09,160
You see which way you're pointing?

216
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:12,328
You see that place?

217
00:15:13,578 --> 00:15:15,662
Do you see the sign, "Rib Tips"?

218
00:15:17,205 --> 00:15:18,913
Well, fuck that,
you don't want to go that way.

219
00:15:19,205 --> 00:15:20,872
I wonder if these guys
know The Commodores.

220
00:15:22,414 --> 00:15:24,332
You go half a block down the street...

221
00:15:24,373 --> 00:15:26,415
...and you'll see a Torino
with no wheels on it.

222
00:15:26,915 --> 00:15:29,583
Inside that Torino is my cousin, Jackie.

223
00:15:30,249 --> 00:15:32,584
Tell him that you're my boy,
and that you're lost.

224
00:15:32,958 --> 00:15:34,376
He'll make sure you
get where you're going.

225
00:15:34,418 --> 00:15:36,876
You don't want to know from me.
I'm not from this neighborhood.

226
00:15:37,585 --> 00:15:40,252
I'm from the west side of Chicago,
here on vacation.

227
00:15:40,711 --> 00:15:42,378
Thanks a lot. You've been a great help.

228
00:15:44,253 --> 00:15:46,879
"I'm Mister Blue

229
00:15:47,588 --> 00:15:49,547
"When you say you love me..."

230
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:50,797
Honey?

231
00:15:53,340 --> 00:15:55,007
Remember when we were in college...

232
00:15:55,090 --> 00:15:57,758
...and drove to Fort Lauderdale
in my Austin Healy?

233
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,091
I haven't thought about that
for a long time.

234
00:16:03,259 --> 00:16:05,219
Remember what we did in the car?

235
00:16:05,594 --> 00:16:08,093
It's amazing we didn't
get into an accident.

236
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:10,595
Want to relive a fond memory?

237
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,262
Are you serious?

238
00:16:13,137 --> 00:16:14,095
No!

239
00:16:14,387 --> 00:16:15,346
Why not?

240
00:16:15,430 --> 00:16:17,055
Because, that's why.

241
00:16:18,764 --> 00:16:19,723
The kids are asleep.

242
00:16:20,264 --> 00:16:22,432
Let's just wait until we get to a motel.

243
00:16:26,767 --> 00:16:30,934
Okay, we'll wait.
I'll find the best one on the road.

244
00:16:31,601 --> 00:16:32,976
Do you want to put your head in my lap?

245
00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:34,602
It's not what I was thinking.

246
00:16:36,186 --> 00:16:38,186
Let me adjust the steering wheel.

247
00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:41,978
There you go, out of your way.

248
00:16:43,063 --> 00:16:44,313
Comfortable?

249
00:16:46,855 --> 00:16:47,523
Clark?

250
00:16:48,564 --> 00:16:49,689
My head's stuck.

251
00:16:54,149 --> 00:16:55,441
Quit kidding around! It hurts!

252
00:16:56,024 --> 00:16:57,025
I'm not. It's stuck.

253
00:16:58,025 --> 00:16:59,484
Cut it out!

254
00:17:01,151 --> 00:17:04,277
I know what you're trying to do,
and I think it's sick!

255
00:17:06,486 --> 00:17:07,820
The wheel's stuck, honey!

256
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:11,613
That was a dirty trick!

257
00:17:12,029 --> 00:17:13,363
The damn wheel is all screwed up.

258
00:17:13,863 --> 00:17:16,322
You're tired.
You get weird when you get tired.

259
00:17:16,656 --> 00:17:19,781
Let's just find a motel.
I don't want you dozing off.

260
00:17:20,699 --> 00:17:22,074
I'm not tired. Are you kidding?

261
00:17:23,865 --> 00:17:26,534
I can drive for another 100 miles.

262
00:17:26,908 --> 00:17:28,535
No problem.

263
00:17:32,536 --> 00:17:34,703
"I stay at home at night

264
00:17:37,245 --> 00:17:40,204
"By the phone at night

265
00:17:41,205 --> 00:17:43,163
"But you don't call

266
00:17:43,705 --> 00:17:47,164
"And I won't hurt my pride

267
00:17:48,915 --> 00:17:52,250
"Call me Mister Blue

268
00:17:53,708 --> 00:17:55,000
"I'm Mister Blue without you"

269
00:18:35,970 --> 00:18:40,305
Sparky, why don't you turn off
the TV and come to bed?

270
00:18:42,639 --> 00:18:43,390
Okay, honey.

271
00:19:04,020 --> 00:19:05,354
Well, wake up everyone.

272
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:06,812
We're here.

273
00:19:31,279 --> 00:19:31,945
Clark!

274
00:19:33,529 --> 00:19:34,530
Can I do your back, honey?

275
00:19:34,696 --> 00:19:35,779
I've done it already.

276
00:19:36,613 --> 00:19:37,530
Can I do your front?

277
00:19:38,448 --> 00:19:39,448
Go do your own front.

278
00:19:45,491 --> 00:19:48,326
We should call
Catherine and Eddie...

279
00:19:48,367 --> 00:19:51,535
...and tell them that we won't be in
until tomorrow afternoon.

280
00:19:53,951 --> 00:19:57,161
If we're not there by 10:00 a.m.,
we'll be completely off schedule.

281
00:19:58,077 --> 00:19:59,537
I planned very carefully...

282
00:19:59,828 --> 00:20:02,246
...so that we would be
at Walley World early Saturday.

283
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,456
Sparky, I know what this trip
means to you...

284
00:20:07,997 --> 00:20:10,206
...and that you want all of us
to have a great time, but...

285
00:20:11,248 --> 00:20:13,166
...it is a long way to Walley World.

286
00:20:14,333 --> 00:20:18,292
I think it would be easier on all of us
if you would just try to relax.

287
00:20:20,917 --> 00:20:22,251
I'm way ahead of you, honey.

288
00:20:31,837 --> 00:20:32,963
When did you get these glasses?

289
00:20:33,297 --> 00:20:34,713
Oh, I have my little secrets.

290
00:20:38,922 --> 00:20:40,215
What a nice thought.

291
00:20:47,384 --> 00:20:48,217
Don't drink yet!

292
00:20:56,553 --> 00:20:57,304
Ready?

293
00:21:06,389 --> 00:21:08,140
I would like to propose a toast.

294
00:21:09,140 --> 00:21:11,766
To a very restful vacation.

295
00:21:14,017 --> 00:21:16,142
Here's to a very relaxing vacation.

296
00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:18,560
To a renewed love affair.

297
00:21:22,810 --> 00:21:24,645
To a time of joy with our kids.

298
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,146
You know, I've never told you this.

299
00:21:31,064 --> 00:21:32,980
I know it's been a rough beginning.

300
00:21:33,064 --> 00:21:35,190
I think there's something wrong here!

301
00:21:35,273 --> 00:21:36,856
It's the bed.
It will slow down in a second.

302
00:21:38,316 --> 00:21:40,982
I got it! Here, hold on to these.

303
00:21:42,816 --> 00:21:43,858
What are you doing?

304
00:21:44,150 --> 00:21:45,568
Let's try this, my darling.

305
00:21:50,361 --> 00:21:52,278
We haven't done this in a long time.

306
00:21:56,612 --> 00:21:57,446
Oh! Clark!

307
00:21:58,947 --> 00:22:00,155
What's that noise?

308
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,364
What's going on?

309
00:22:02,572 --> 00:22:04,156
Don't you kids knock anymore?

310
00:22:05,573 --> 00:22:07,366
Sorry, we thought you were fighting.

311
00:22:08,366 --> 00:22:09,741
No one is fighting in here.

312
00:22:12,575 --> 00:22:13,493
It is very late.

313
00:22:14,034 --> 00:22:15,201
Where is Mom?

314
00:22:15,452 --> 00:22:16,910
I'm under here, kids.

315
00:22:17,369 --> 00:22:18,576
Go back to bed.

316
00:22:19,911 --> 00:22:20,911
Go back to bed now.

317
00:22:22,203 --> 00:22:23,662
The bed was very soft.

318
00:22:24,329 --> 00:22:25,703
Weirdo-rama!

319
00:22:30,248 --> 00:22:33,581
It's the same street Wyatt Earp
kept law and order on.

320
00:22:34,082 --> 00:22:36,166
It seems kind of dirty and touristy.

321
00:22:37,333 --> 00:22:38,707
The Old West was dirty.

322
00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:40,542
Everything isn't like home.

323
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:43,834
If it were, there would be no reason
for leaving home, right, Rusty?

324
00:22:44,168 --> 00:22:45,626
Yeah, Dad. This is great.

325
00:22:45,709 --> 00:22:47,419
I'm glad we didn't go to Hawaii.

326
00:22:47,585 --> 00:22:48,503
I'll bet you are.

327
00:22:56,296 --> 00:22:57,422
Okay, let's go get a drink.

328
00:23:06,174 --> 00:23:07,675
Howdy, city slickers!

329
00:23:08,008 --> 00:23:11,468
Welcome!
No fighting, cussing or gunslinging.

330
00:23:11,759 --> 00:23:14,760
Watch what you say
to our bartender. He's ornery.

331
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:16,718
Thank you, sheriff.

332
00:23:17,010 --> 00:23:18,053
Marshal.

333
00:23:20,887 --> 00:23:21,971
Give me five, partner!

334
00:23:26,389 --> 00:23:29,556
That guy was a crummy Wyatt Earp!
He's wearing jogging shoes!

335
00:23:29,764 --> 00:23:30,932
Nah, they used to, Rusty.

336
00:23:31,474 --> 00:23:34,475
Hey, knucklehead! Set us up
with four red-eyes, will you?

337
00:23:36,599 --> 00:23:38,600
Hey, yellow-belly! I'm talking to you!

338
00:23:42,601 --> 00:23:45,395
Hey, tenderfoot!
Move your chicken wings, turkey!

339
00:23:51,771 --> 00:23:53,938
Clark! That's not nice!

340
00:23:54,355 --> 00:23:56,147
It's part of the act, honey.

341
00:23:57,064 --> 00:23:58,273
Hey, underpants!

342
00:24:03,024 --> 00:24:04,566
I'm okay! I'm okay!

343
00:24:04,649 --> 00:24:06,276
I'm all right!

344
00:24:08,192 --> 00:24:12,361
That wasn't funny! A noise like that
could impair the kids' hearing.

345
00:24:14,902 --> 00:24:17,945
It was real! It looked real, didn't it?
I thought it was real gun.

346
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,029
Didn't it look real when I fell down?

347
00:24:20,487 --> 00:24:21,155
What?

348
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:22,238
Didn't it look real?

349
00:24:22,738 --> 00:24:23,613
What?

350
00:24:23,822 --> 00:24:25,322
Are you happy now, Clark?

351
00:24:25,447 --> 00:24:26,407
She's deaf.

352
00:24:26,739 --> 00:24:30,032
What's the difference? It was fun
anyway. Let's have a drink.

353
00:24:30,324 --> 00:24:31,490
Pardon me, sir?

354
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:38,909
Catherine told us to follow 50.

355
00:24:39,827 --> 00:24:43,661
I was thinking of taking
a detour to Liberal.

356
00:24:43,995 --> 00:24:44,828
What for?

357
00:24:44,995 --> 00:24:45,911
The House of Mud.

358
00:24:46,245 --> 00:24:47,163
What's that?

359
00:24:47,413 --> 00:24:50,746
The largest, freestanding
mud dwelling ever built!

360
00:24:51,997 --> 00:24:54,248
The pioneers didn't have bricks,
so they used mud.

361
00:24:54,581 --> 00:24:56,582
They didn't use mud, they used sod!

362
00:24:56,915 --> 00:24:57,748
Right, Audrey.

363
00:24:57,874 --> 00:25:00,083
When they ran out of sod,
they used mud!

364
00:25:01,167 --> 00:25:03,459
Let's skip The House of Mud.

365
00:25:03,834 --> 00:25:05,667
Dodge City was enough for today.

366
00:25:06,584 --> 00:25:09,043
And Catherine and Eddie
are expecting us.

367
00:25:11,086 --> 00:25:12,128
It's living history.

368
00:25:12,586 --> 00:25:14,712
But, if you would rather visit
your cousins...

369
00:25:15,545 --> 00:25:16,587
...it's okay with me.

370
00:25:16,753 --> 00:25:19,172
I would rather see
a pile of mud than Eddie.

371
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:20,714
Stop it!

372
00:25:21,131 --> 00:25:22,047
What's going on?

373
00:25:22,547 --> 00:25:24,631
Rusty is licking his hand
and touching me with it!

374
00:25:25,215 --> 00:25:26,882
Tell Rusty to behave himself.

375
00:25:27,382 --> 00:25:28,716
Rusty, behave yourself!

376
00:25:28,966 --> 00:25:32,050
But Audrey is eating candy and
smiling at me with her mouth open!

377
00:25:32,384 --> 00:25:34,468
Audrey, eat with you mouth closed!

378
00:25:34,801 --> 00:25:36,968
No eating in the car, kids!

379
00:25:37,135 --> 00:25:38,344
You suck, you know that?

380
00:25:38,552 --> 00:25:39,303
Retard!

381
00:25:39,469 --> 00:25:41,387
I am trying to concentrate on the road!

382
00:25:48,972 --> 00:25:53,307
"I've had some Ionely nights

383
00:25:54,390 --> 00:25:58,266
"And I'll admit I cried sometimes

384
00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:00,225
"Cause you were out of my life

385
00:26:01,350 --> 00:26:04,310
"But then you called my name

386
00:26:05,227 --> 00:26:07,727
"And you came back again

387
00:26:07,852 --> 00:26:10,478
"I feel so inspired

388
00:26:10,603 --> 00:26:14,021
"Kissing your lips of fire

389
00:26:14,229 --> 00:26:17,314
"Little boy sweet, little boy sweet,

390
00:26:17,563 --> 00:26:20,522
"Sweet little boy of mine

391
00:26:21,439 --> 00:26:23,024
"Come a little closer"

392
00:26:25,565 --> 00:26:27,150
You're driving 80 miles an hour!

393
00:26:27,524 --> 00:26:28,608
Doesn't seem that fast, honey?

394
00:26:28,649 --> 00:26:29,942
Slow down!

395
00:26:31,525 --> 00:26:33,194
I don't know why,
we're making good time.

396
00:26:36,778 --> 00:26:39,153
"Love for sale

397
00:26:40,403 --> 00:26:42,487
"Appetizing, yummy love..."

398
00:26:59,742 --> 00:27:01,868
They're here! Eddie, come on!

399
00:27:02,409 --> 00:27:04,827
I can't believe it's been so long!

400
00:27:09,245 --> 00:27:11,579
Eddie, you look terrific.

401
00:27:15,663 --> 00:27:19,414
Come and meet your cousins!
Look how they've grown!

402
00:27:19,748 --> 00:27:21,582
You have lost weight, Catherine!

403
00:27:21,916 --> 00:27:24,250
She's added a few more mouths
to the litter.

404
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,001
Rusty and Audrey,
cousins Vicki and Dale.

405
00:27:31,627 --> 00:27:34,753
And this is Eddie Junior and Junior.

406
00:27:34,961 --> 00:27:37,419
The little one hanging onto
my skirt is Daisy-Mabel.

407
00:27:38,004 --> 00:27:39,921
How old are you, little one.

408
00:27:40,754 --> 00:27:42,922
She was born without a tongue, Clark.

409
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:47,215
But don't worry about her. She whistles
like a bird and eats like a horse.

410
00:27:48,799 --> 00:27:52,466
Take your cousins out back
and show them your worm farm.

411
00:27:54,133 --> 00:27:57,051
Come in the house, Ellen.
I've so much to tell you.

412
00:28:02,761 --> 00:28:03,803
Look at that car!

413
00:28:04,886 --> 00:28:05,887
That's the Family Truckster.

414
00:28:06,221 --> 00:28:09,554
Boy, she's a beaut!
I like those "green walls."

415
00:28:10,222 --> 00:28:11,721
We had some trouble in St. Louis.

416
00:28:15,389 --> 00:28:17,057
Well, you're looking really...

417
00:28:17,598 --> 00:28:18,598
...fit.

418
00:28:19,891 --> 00:28:21,058
This is your homestead, huh?

419
00:28:24,226 --> 00:28:27,726
Yeah, I don't know for how long, though.

420
00:28:28,810 --> 00:28:31,727
The bank's been after me like
flies on a rib roast.

421
00:28:32,435 --> 00:28:34,104
I know the feeling.

422
00:28:35,104 --> 00:28:36,105
Oh, fuck it!

423
00:28:42,106 --> 00:28:43,648
I bet you could use a cool one?

424
00:28:43,856 --> 00:28:44,940
Now you're talking.

425
00:28:55,693 --> 00:28:56,526
I'm going steady.

426
00:28:57,277 --> 00:28:58,777
And I French kiss.

427
00:28:59,860 --> 00:29:01,444
So? Everyone does that.

428
00:29:01,736 --> 00:29:03,696
Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best.

429
00:29:08,030 --> 00:29:09,030
Want a worm?

430
00:29:09,863 --> 00:29:10,614
No, thanks.

431
00:29:12,531 --> 00:29:13,447
Do you have Pac-Man?

432
00:29:15,282 --> 00:29:15,949
No.

433
00:29:16,615 --> 00:29:18,366
Space Invaders?

434
00:29:19,075 --> 00:29:19,741
No.

435
00:29:21,367 --> 00:29:22,450
Do you have Asteroids?

436
00:29:22,659 --> 00:29:24,368
No, but my dad does.

437
00:29:24,702 --> 00:29:26,660
He can't even sit on the toilet
some days.

438
00:29:30,327 --> 00:29:31,745
What do you do here, Dale?

439
00:29:35,329 --> 00:29:37,288
Well, I have a stack of
nudie books this high.

440
00:29:39,414 --> 00:29:40,831
She's beautiful!

441
00:29:45,332 --> 00:29:46,666
Would you sell me any of them?

442
00:29:46,791 --> 00:29:49,750
Shit, no! I cherish them!

443
00:29:51,835 --> 00:29:53,418
And I use them a lot!

444
00:29:55,836 --> 00:29:57,169
How do you use a magazine?

445
00:29:58,169 --> 00:29:59,628
I'll tell you how.

446
00:30:00,962 --> 00:30:03,504
A guy taught me something
really neat, last year.

447
00:30:05,589 --> 00:30:07,255
Have you ever bopped your bologna?

448
00:30:14,215 --> 00:30:15,466
I guess we are 11, right?

449
00:30:16,842 --> 00:30:18,592
No, we are 12 with Aunt Edna.

450
00:30:18,717 --> 00:30:21,384
Aunt Edna? Is she still alive?

451
00:30:21,718 --> 00:30:22,552
You bet!

452
00:30:23,302 --> 00:30:26,761
I can't wait to see the look
on Clark's face when he hears that.

453
00:30:27,803 --> 00:30:30,387
She came to help when
Eddie ruptured his spleen...

454
00:30:30,470 --> 00:30:32,304
...and she's been here ever since.

455
00:30:33,889 --> 00:30:35,680
She wanted to go back
to Phoenix last year...

456
00:30:35,763 --> 00:30:37,431
...but Eddie wouldn't let her.

457
00:30:38,764 --> 00:30:42,390
Without her Social Security,
we'd never be able to live like this.

458
00:30:46,809 --> 00:30:48,767
It looks as though you've really
got your hands full.

459
00:30:49,225 --> 00:30:51,060
Oh, it's not so bad!

460
00:30:52,060 --> 00:30:55,394
Eddie says after the baby comes,
I can quit one of my night jobs.

461
00:31:00,354 --> 00:31:01,354
How do you like yours, Clark?

462
00:31:02,271 --> 00:31:04,606
Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.

463
00:31:04,772 --> 00:31:07,024
No! Your bun! Light or dark?

464
00:31:07,982 --> 00:31:09,315
Either way, it doesn't matter.

465
00:31:11,274 --> 00:31:13,942
Vicki, can I help you
stir that? Please?

466
00:31:17,276 --> 00:31:19,693
I don't know why they call this
Hamburger Helper!

467
00:31:19,776 --> 00:31:21,986
It's just fine by itself.

468
00:31:22,944 --> 00:31:25,820
I like it better than Tuna Helper,
don't you, Clark?

469
00:31:26,278 --> 00:31:28,196
You're the gourmet, Ed.

470
00:31:34,031 --> 00:31:35,115
No meat in this?

471
00:31:35,448 --> 00:31:38,116
You get plenty of meat at home.
Be polite. Have some ketchup.

472
00:31:43,992 --> 00:31:45,326
Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?

473
00:31:45,743 --> 00:31:46,826
Nothing but the best!

474
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,119
Aunt Edna!

475
00:31:50,410 --> 00:31:52,203
Helper's getting cold.

476
00:31:54,411 --> 00:31:55,913
Is that your Aunt Edna?

477
00:32:04,831 --> 00:32:08,583
Aunt Edna! After all these years!
And you look so good!

478
00:32:13,834 --> 00:32:16,168
Hi, Edna! Nice to see you again!

479
00:32:17,168 --> 00:32:18,585
You remember Clark, don't you?

480
00:32:22,169 --> 00:32:24,921
You were the ones who sent me
the fruitcake for Christmas.

481
00:32:25,337 --> 00:32:26,838
It made me so sick!

482
00:32:28,421 --> 00:32:31,881
I'm sorry. We thought
you enjoyed fruitcake.

483
00:32:32,048 --> 00:32:34,465
Do you enjoy throwing up
every five minutes, Claud?

484
00:32:35,131 --> 00:32:35,799
Clark.

485
00:32:38,257 --> 00:32:41,717
Well, am I going to eat
or starve to death?

486
00:32:45,384 --> 00:32:46,928
Catherine?

487
00:32:47,177 --> 00:32:49,552
Did you tell Clark and Ellen
the good news.

488
00:32:50,887 --> 00:32:52,845
No. I was just about to.

489
00:32:53,387 --> 00:32:55,055
What's the good news?

490
00:32:55,721 --> 00:32:58,305
You are driving me to Phoenix!

491
00:33:10,726 --> 00:33:12,309
"Junior Pig Competition"?

492
00:33:13,684 --> 00:33:15,310
You won this trophy for racing a pig?

493
00:33:15,811 --> 00:33:17,061
Yeah. First Place.

494
00:33:18,478 --> 00:33:20,228
Does anyone know about it?

495
00:33:21,437 --> 00:33:22,395
Everyone knows.

496
00:33:24,022 --> 00:33:28,981
Vicki, don't be offended, but being
a farmer is not too cool, you know.

497
00:33:30,941 --> 00:33:31,899
Oh, yeah.

498
00:33:34,775 --> 00:33:36,108
How cool...

499
00:33:37,067 --> 00:33:38,359
...is this?

500
00:33:45,778 --> 00:33:48,862
I'm really glad things
are going well for you.

501
00:33:54,113 --> 00:33:58,490
I was laid off when they
closed that asbestos factory.

502
00:34:01,866 --> 00:34:03,658
The Army cuts my disability pension.

503
00:34:03,950 --> 00:34:07,283
They claimed the plate in my head
wasn't large enough.

504
00:34:12,244 --> 00:34:15,160
Clark and Ellen don't want
to hear about problems.

505
00:34:15,829 --> 00:34:17,161
No, no. It is very interesting.

506
00:34:17,495 --> 00:34:20,538
Why don't you just ask him
for the money, Eddie?

507
00:34:20,704 --> 00:34:22,664
He sure as hell can't take a hint!

508
00:34:23,330 --> 00:34:26,164
Well, I didn't want to ask you, Clark.

509
00:34:27,832 --> 00:34:31,457
Could you, maybe,
spare a little extra cash?

510
00:34:31,582 --> 00:34:32,875
Sure, Eddie!

511
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:38,960
How much money do you need?

512
00:34:39,752 --> 00:34:41,502
About $52,000.

513
00:34:44,837 --> 00:34:46,504
Good-bye, baby!

514
00:34:47,254 --> 00:34:48,796
You'll send those checks?

515
00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:50,505
It's taken care of.

516
00:34:51,672 --> 00:34:53,088
Okay, let's go. Come on, Edna.

517
00:34:53,423 --> 00:34:54,423
Lay off, lay off!

518
00:34:56,131 --> 00:34:57,382
Well, gotta be going.

519
00:34:58,465 --> 00:34:59,424
What's this?

520
00:34:59,465 --> 00:35:00,550
This is for you, Clark.

521
00:35:01,216 --> 00:35:02,425
Oh, what is it?

522
00:35:03,091 --> 00:35:04,050
A gift.

523
00:35:04,259 --> 00:35:06,217
You didn't have to buy me a gift!

524
00:35:06,551 --> 00:35:07,719
Go on and open it.

525
00:35:11,928 --> 00:35:13,136
Eddie, you shouldn't have.

526
00:35:15,220 --> 00:35:16,554
Those are great, Dad!

527
00:35:16,887 --> 00:35:17,722
Be quiet, Russ.

528
00:35:18,555 --> 00:35:19,471
Try them on.

529
00:35:19,638 --> 00:35:21,139
No, no, I don't want to get them dirty.

530
00:35:21,305 --> 00:35:23,055
I told you he wouldn't like them!

531
00:35:24,056 --> 00:35:24,974
I love them.

532
00:35:25,306 --> 00:35:27,975
I knew you did because
the last time I saw you, Clark...

533
00:35:28,141 --> 00:35:29,975
...you remarked about
how much you liked mine.

534
00:35:30,057 --> 00:35:32,017
I guess we better be going.

535
00:35:40,602 --> 00:35:43,353
Here he is, Uncle Clark,
all walked and everything.

536
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:44,520
What is this? A dog?

537
00:35:45,062 --> 00:35:47,104
He's Aunt Edna's dog, Dinky.

538
00:35:47,187 --> 00:35:48,814
He watches "Family Feud."

539
00:35:50,439 --> 00:35:51,397
How are you, little fellow?

540
00:35:55,733 --> 00:35:58,442
You didn't get to meet Dinky last night.

541
00:35:58,692 --> 00:36:00,942
He had the shits,
so he slept in the barn.

542
00:36:01,275 --> 00:36:04,443
Great. I'll make some space
for him in the back.

543
00:36:07,152 --> 00:36:09,361
No! Sit, sit!
Roll over! Heel!

544
00:36:09,695 --> 00:36:10,778
Here. Have a good trip.

545
00:36:11,278 --> 00:36:12,029
Thanks a lot.

546
00:36:24,282 --> 00:36:26,950
"I found out long ago

547
00:36:29,074 --> 00:36:32,075
"It's a long way down a Holiday Road

548
00:36:34,368 --> 00:36:34,410
[Skipped item nr. 548]

549
00:36:34,410 --> 00:36:36,911
"Holiday Road!

550
00:36:37,244 --> 00:36:40,162
"Holiday Road! "

551
00:36:41,162 --> 00:36:44,038
Look at these sandwiches.
Here, Aunt Edna.

552
00:36:44,079 --> 00:36:44,872
Thank you.

553
00:36:47,997 --> 00:36:50,956
Rusty, stop playing with the dog
and come and eat your lunch.

554
00:36:58,417 --> 00:37:00,877
You're favorite, bologna and cheese.

555
00:37:21,382 --> 00:37:25,550
"I've had some Ionely nights

556
00:37:26,717 --> 00:37:30,468
"And I'll admit I cried sometimes

557
00:37:30,801 --> 00:37:33,135
"Cause you were out of my life

558
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:36,386
"But then you called my name

559
00:37:37,386 --> 00:37:40,054
"And you came back again

560
00:37:40,387 --> 00:37:42,722
"I feel so inspired

561
00:37:43,055 --> 00:37:46,389
"Kissing your lips of fire

562
00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:49,140
"Little boy sweet, little boy sweet

563
00:37:50,057 --> 00:37:52,391
"Sweet little boy of mine

564
00:37:53,725 --> 00:37:55,059
"Come a little closer

565
00:37:55,559 --> 00:37:57,226
"I want to show you

566
00:37:58,393 --> 00:38:00,060
"What's on my mind

567
00:38:00,727 --> 00:38:03,394
"Here in the night, here in the night

568
00:38:03,977 --> 00:38:07,312
"Here in the night, together

569
00:38:08,187 --> 00:38:10,188
"I want to show you

570
00:38:10,855 --> 00:38:15,022
"Love so... warm and tender!"

571
00:38:15,607 --> 00:38:17,106
Mom, my sandwich is wet!

572
00:38:17,690 --> 00:38:19,274
They're all wet...

573
00:38:21,775 --> 00:38:23,609
The dog went on the picnic basket!

574
00:38:38,696 --> 00:38:41,030
"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick

575
00:38:43,948 --> 00:38:46,907
"Going to take a ride
to the West Coast, kids

576
00:38:48,449 --> 00:38:53,116
"Holiday Road!

577
00:38:53,785 --> 00:38:57,786
"Holiday Road!

578
00:38:58,577 --> 00:39:03,245
"Holiday Road!

579
00:39:04,162 --> 00:39:05,912
"Holiday Road! "

580
00:39:24,335 --> 00:39:25,252
Russ, look!

581
00:39:26,252 --> 00:39:27,586
Excellent! They have a pool!

582
00:39:29,670 --> 00:39:31,003
Aren't the woods beautiful?

583
00:39:33,003 --> 00:39:35,921
Clark! Dinky needs
a long walk and a bath.

584
00:39:36,755 --> 00:39:38,089
Rusty, take care of Dinky.

585
00:39:39,256 --> 00:39:40,214
Dad, he bites!

586
00:39:40,422 --> 00:39:42,006
Bite him back!

587
00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:01,387
We would like three tents, please.

588
00:40:01,721 --> 00:40:03,388
All right. That'll be $37.

589
00:40:03,887 --> 00:40:05,888
$37 for three tents?!

590
00:40:06,222 --> 00:40:07,888
They're very nice tents.

591
00:40:07,972 --> 00:40:10,223
The price includes
scenery and wildlife fun.

592
00:40:13,932 --> 00:40:17,142
This seems like a nice place,
and it has a pool.

593
00:40:18,142 --> 00:40:18,976
All right.

594
00:40:19,643 --> 00:40:21,726
Would you fill that out?

595
00:40:28,061 --> 00:40:30,396
Clark W. Griswold.
Do you want my address?

596
00:40:31,146 --> 00:40:31,979
Please.

597
00:40:32,354 --> 00:40:33,896
What do you need my address for?

598
00:40:33,938 --> 00:40:35,438
We like to send out mailers.

599
00:40:39,524 --> 00:40:41,441
- I can't wait to get in!
- Me, too.

600
00:40:41,773 --> 00:40:44,358
Let's go get our bathing suits.

601
00:40:47,276 --> 00:40:48,276
Disgusting!

602
00:40:53,361 --> 00:40:55,361
You're too cheap to pay
for a hotel room.

603
00:40:57,446 --> 00:41:00,447
Oh, Clark, this tent smells.

604
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:03,280
Edna, this is your tent.

605
00:41:25,828 --> 00:41:27,496
This isn't very romantic.

606
00:41:28,663 --> 00:41:32,664
I don't think there's enough room
for two in this sleeping bag.

607
00:41:33,830 --> 00:41:36,331
Right now, we're one.

608
00:41:36,540 --> 00:41:38,708
One heart beating for two.

609
00:41:46,209 --> 00:41:48,835
Sparky, there's a wild animal.

610
00:41:48,918 --> 00:41:49,586
Yes.

611
00:41:50,085 --> 00:41:52,170
I know, I'm going for it, honey.

612
00:41:56,171 --> 00:41:57,004
Get off!

613
00:41:57,254 --> 00:41:58,254
Down! Go!

614
00:41:58,672 --> 00:42:00,005
I'm sorry, honey. It's Dinky.

615
00:42:05,257 --> 00:42:06,549
I'll kill that dog!

616
00:42:18,302 --> 00:42:19,636
What do you say, honey?

617
00:42:20,969 --> 00:42:23,220
In spite of the problems,
it's fun isn't it?

618
00:42:24,220 --> 00:42:24,887
No!

619
00:42:25,721 --> 00:42:28,472
But with each new day there's new hope.

620
00:42:30,889 --> 00:42:32,556
Kids, let's go!

621
00:42:33,140 --> 00:42:34,307
We're losing daylight.

622
00:42:36,141 --> 00:42:37,141
Did you walk him?

623
00:42:37,475 --> 00:42:39,559
He took a big one
on Aunt Edna's blanket.

624
00:42:40,559 --> 00:42:41,559
Good boy.

625
00:42:42,225 --> 00:42:43,060
Help!

626
00:42:43,226 --> 00:42:45,560
Go take care of Aunt Edna.
I'll take the leash.

627
00:42:49,978 --> 00:42:50,978
Roll over, Dinky!

628
00:42:56,104 --> 00:42:57,481
You're tearing my flesh!

629
00:42:57,855 --> 00:42:59,022
Good morning, Edna.

630
00:43:05,982 --> 00:43:06,983
Audrey, you're next.

631
00:43:07,108 --> 00:43:08,442
No way, Jos�!

632
00:43:10,526 --> 00:43:11,734
What's the problem?

633
00:43:11,859 --> 00:43:15,110
I had to sit next to Aunt Edna
last time. She smells like mothballs!

634
00:43:15,777 --> 00:43:16,860
It's her turn.

635
00:43:17,195 --> 00:43:21,363
For your information, Rusty slept
in his underpants last night!

636
00:43:22,446 --> 00:43:23,529
Easy kids! Stop it!

637
00:43:23,945 --> 00:43:26,113
Everyone into the car,
we leave in two minutes.

638
00:43:27,781 --> 00:43:31,282
Or perhaps you don't want to see the
second-largest ball of twine on earth.

639
00:43:31,366 --> 00:43:33,907
Which is only four short hours away.

640
00:43:40,534 --> 00:43:41,826
Sweetheart, do you hear that rattle?

641
00:43:42,868 --> 00:43:44,202
Where is it coming from?

642
00:43:44,410 --> 00:43:45,620
Beats the heck out of me.

643
00:43:45,702 --> 00:43:48,537
I've been looking for it since we left.
It's driving me crazy!

644
00:43:50,079 --> 00:43:52,038
Dad, look behind you.

645
00:43:54,746 --> 00:43:56,081
Now what have we done?

646
00:43:56,331 --> 00:43:57,539
Will you hold my purse?

647
00:43:57,830 --> 00:43:58,915
Just hold my purse!

648
00:44:19,837 --> 00:44:21,505
Hello, officer, what's the problem?

649
00:44:24,589 --> 00:44:26,256
Get out of the car!

650
00:44:33,467 --> 00:44:35,633
I don't think I was speeding.
Was I weaving or something?

651
00:44:35,716 --> 00:44:37,176
Shut up, sir!

652
00:44:39,552 --> 00:44:42,594
If I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your
skull with the butt of this revolver...

653
00:44:42,802 --> 00:44:44,970
...faster than you could
say, "police brutality."

654
00:44:46,053 --> 00:44:48,762
Officer, whatever it is I've done,
I'm sure I can explain.

655
00:44:53,556 --> 00:44:55,473
Explain this, you son of a bitch.

656
00:44:56,306 --> 00:44:57,307
Oh, my God!

657
00:44:59,474 --> 00:45:03,518
Do you know what the penalty
for animal cruelty is in this state?

658
00:45:03,976 --> 00:45:04,809
No, sir.

659
00:45:07,810 --> 00:45:09,435
It's probably pretty stiff!

660
00:45:10,227 --> 00:45:12,520
You can't think I'd do this on purpose?

661
00:45:13,895 --> 00:45:16,354
I tied him to the rear bumper
when I was packing the car.

662
00:45:16,979 --> 00:45:18,729
It was very confusing,
I must've forgotten.

663
00:45:21,189 --> 00:45:22,981
I'm sorry. I feel terrible.

664
00:45:24,190 --> 00:45:26,190
How do you think that little dog feels?

665
00:45:31,692 --> 00:45:34,360
I'm sorry, it really was an accident.

666
00:45:37,777 --> 00:45:39,361
I guess I can buy that, sir.

667
00:45:40,278 --> 00:45:41,487
But it is a shame.

668
00:45:42,695 --> 00:45:44,696
I had a dog like that when I was a kid.

669
00:45:47,946 --> 00:45:49,114
Poor little guy.

670
00:45:49,364 --> 00:45:51,656
He probably kept up with you
for a mile or so.

671
00:45:53,532 --> 00:45:54,532
Tough little mutt.

672
00:46:05,369 --> 00:46:07,868
I was afraid you would
get pulled over, Clark.

673
00:46:08,244 --> 00:46:11,578
You've been exceeding the speed
limit for thousands of miles!

674
00:46:11,911 --> 00:46:12,745
Dad wasn't speeding.

675
00:46:12,912 --> 00:46:14,745
The officer stopped us
because Dad...

676
00:46:14,871 --> 00:46:16,205
He was speeding, Rusty!

677
00:46:16,663 --> 00:46:17,663
No, he wasn't, Mom.

678
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:20,248
Listen to your mother!
I was speeding.

679
00:46:20,747 --> 00:46:21,873
I was driving like a maniac.

680
00:46:22,164 --> 00:46:24,665
We can all be grateful
that this man stopped us!

681
00:46:24,957 --> 00:46:26,541
- You see, kids, a car...
- Here's the leash, sir.

682
00:46:26,666 --> 00:46:29,418
I'm going back to get the rest
of the carcass off the road.

683
00:46:29,501 --> 00:46:30,501
Thank you, officer.

684
00:46:31,334 --> 00:46:32,501
Have a nice day.

685
00:46:46,339 --> 00:46:47,630
Is this your idea of a good restaurant?

686
00:46:49,172 --> 00:46:50,257
Dog killer!

687
00:46:51,506 --> 00:46:53,258
I'm sure the food is just fine.

688
00:46:54,507 --> 00:46:55,757
I'll take that.

689
00:46:56,842 --> 00:46:57,842
Thank you.

690
00:46:58,217 --> 00:46:59,550
Oh, kids!

691
00:47:04,052 --> 00:47:04,719
Waitress!

692
00:47:29,143 --> 00:47:33,227
"I've had some Ionely nights

693
00:47:34,437 --> 00:47:37,228
"And I'll admit I cried sometimes

694
00:47:38,438 --> 00:47:41,230
"Cause you were out of my life

695
00:47:41,688 --> 00:47:44,272
"But then you called my name

696
00:47:45,398 --> 00:47:47,981
"And you came back again

697
00:47:48,107 --> 00:47:50,857
"I feel so inspired

698
00:47:50,940 --> 00:47:53,691
"Kissing your lips of fire

699
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:56,443
"Little boy sweet, little boy sweet

700
00:47:57,942 --> 00:47:59,277
"Sweet little boy of mine"

701
00:48:15,031 --> 00:48:16,365
What happened?

702
00:48:18,199 --> 00:48:20,241
What happened to your hair?

703
00:48:20,866 --> 00:48:22,116
You're sweating!

704
00:48:22,533 --> 00:48:23,617
Are you blushing?

705
00:48:23,784 --> 00:48:25,575
Don't be silly.

706
00:48:25,868 --> 00:48:27,285
Are you all right, Clark?

707
00:48:27,534 --> 00:48:29,535
Of course, I'm fine!
I'm having a ball!

708
00:48:36,913 --> 00:48:40,080
Come on, honey, look at the mountains,
breathe the air!

709
00:48:42,580 --> 00:48:44,165
Put on a happy face for me.

710
00:48:49,707 --> 00:48:52,375
I guess there's not much
more that can happen to us.

711
00:48:53,584 --> 00:48:55,376
I think the worst is behind us.

712
00:49:04,171 --> 00:49:06,254
Clark, I need my vanity case.

713
00:49:06,837 --> 00:49:08,255
We have to go back and look for it.

714
00:49:09,089 --> 00:49:10,589
All my credit cards are in it.

715
00:49:11,090 --> 00:49:14,257
Honey, number one: I've already
called the bank and reported the loss.

716
00:49:14,924 --> 00:49:17,508
B: We'll never find it when
we don't know where it fell off.

717
00:49:18,092 --> 00:49:19,549
And three: I've got my credit cards.

718
00:49:19,716 --> 00:49:21,759
And we've still got plenty of cash, okay?

719
00:49:22,176 --> 00:49:24,760
No, we don't.
You gave $500 to Eddie.

720
00:49:25,094 --> 00:49:28,803
And everything has cost twice
as much as you figured out.

721
00:49:28,928 --> 00:49:31,179
Honey, there's nothing in that luggage
that can't be replaced.

722
00:49:31,512 --> 00:49:33,179
Except for your diaphragm.

723
00:49:33,678 --> 00:49:35,554
We can cash a check down the road.

724
00:49:36,180 --> 00:49:37,722
Don't you trust me?

725
00:49:38,430 --> 00:49:40,972
As long as you don't tie me
to the rear bumper.

726
00:49:44,599 --> 00:49:45,724
That hurt.

727
00:49:47,183 --> 00:49:48,892
Clark, I think we're lost.

728
00:49:49,351 --> 00:49:50,517
We're not lost!

729
00:49:50,683 --> 00:49:52,643
Ellen, please, let me do the driving.

730
00:49:53,018 --> 00:49:56,936
I don't think you'll find
the Grand Canyon on this road.

731
00:49:57,269 --> 00:49:59,895
Jesus, it's only the biggest
goddamn hole in the world!

732
00:50:00,020 --> 00:50:01,270
Clark, watch your language!

733
00:50:02,105 --> 00:50:03,687
Make that the second largest.

734
00:50:04,188 --> 00:50:06,980
Dad, I haven't seen a car for an hour!

735
00:50:07,147 --> 00:50:09,648
Shut up, Audrey!
Dad knows where he's going.

736
00:50:09,773 --> 00:50:10,398
Thank you.

737
00:50:11,107 --> 00:50:12,066
You're lost!

738
00:50:14,024 --> 00:50:15,733
Ma, I saw some detour signs!

739
00:50:16,109 --> 00:50:16,733
I didn't see any.

740
00:50:17,109 --> 00:50:20,110
I saw them when you and Mom
were trying to fold the map.

741
00:50:21,110 --> 00:50:23,027
When they close a road
they put up big signs.

742
00:50:23,152 --> 00:50:24,111
Like this one.

743
00:50:46,075 --> 00:50:47,617
I think I broke my nose!

744
00:50:47,826 --> 00:50:49,159
I stabbed my brain.

745
00:50:49,326 --> 00:50:50,785
I just got my period.

746
00:50:51,993 --> 00:50:53,077
I'm going to check under the hood.

747
00:51:06,580 --> 00:51:09,082
Audrey, gather up all the clothes,
and put them in a pile.

748
00:51:09,415 --> 00:51:12,416
Rusty, find the first aid kit,
then bring the suitcases here.

749
00:51:12,749 --> 00:51:14,583
Where can I go to the bathroom?

750
00:51:15,500 --> 00:51:17,168
Find a bush, Audrey!

751
00:51:19,626 --> 00:51:22,169
Dad, you must've jumped
the car about 50 yards!

752
00:51:22,711 --> 00:51:24,837
It's nothing to be proud of, Rusty.

753
00:51:26,129 --> 00:51:27,170
Fifty yards.

754
00:51:28,462 --> 00:51:31,172
Ellen, get me out of here!

755
00:51:32,547 --> 00:51:35,048
Stay in the car!
It's hot and dangerous out here!

756
00:51:35,132 --> 00:51:37,631
Don't you tell me what to do!
I'll do what I want!

757
00:51:38,465 --> 00:51:40,882
I should never have come
on this trip with you!

758
00:51:41,049 --> 00:51:42,383
I should have taken an airplane!

759
00:51:42,883 --> 00:51:46,467
And he, he shouldn't even have
a license to drive an automobile.

760
00:51:46,884 --> 00:51:48,844
He should be behind bars!

761
00:51:50,552 --> 00:51:53,012
Sit down, and shut up!

762
00:52:00,055 --> 00:52:02,389
Move out of that seat,
and I'll split your lip!

763
00:52:10,808 --> 00:52:12,059
Rusty, come up here!

764
00:52:15,435 --> 00:52:18,393
I am going to have to hike down
the road to find a service station.

765
00:52:18,476 --> 00:52:20,686
I want you to stay here
and take care of things.

766
00:52:21,936 --> 00:52:22,895
Will you be okay?

767
00:52:23,104 --> 00:52:24,021
Oh, sure.

768
00:52:26,521 --> 00:52:29,522
I haven't had a chance
to talk to you, man to man.

769
00:52:30,272 --> 00:52:31,939
I've only been a man a few days, Dad.

770
00:52:34,773 --> 00:52:36,608
You're growing up so fast.

771
00:52:38,191 --> 00:52:39,942
I have spent the past 15 years...

772
00:52:39,984 --> 00:52:42,985
...developing newer and better
food additives.

773
00:52:44,359 --> 00:52:45,901
I guess I missed a lot.

774
00:52:48,444 --> 00:52:50,778
At first, I didn't want
to take this vacation.

775
00:52:52,029 --> 00:52:53,279
Now I'm glad I did.

776
00:52:54,113 --> 00:52:56,947
It has given me a chance
to spend more time with you and...

777
00:52:57,780 --> 00:52:58,405
Audrey.

778
00:52:58,655 --> 00:52:59,655
Audrey. Yeah.

779
00:53:02,364 --> 00:53:03,866
It's been fun for me, too, Dad.

780
00:53:05,449 --> 00:53:06,699
Except for Aunt Edna.

781
00:53:07,783 --> 00:53:09,950
She doesn't mean to be
a pain in the rump.

782
00:53:10,159 --> 00:53:11,618
It's just the way she is.

783
00:53:12,242 --> 00:53:13,869
Let's not let it spoil our fun, okay?

784
00:53:13,994 --> 00:53:14,952
I won't.

785
00:53:15,577 --> 00:53:18,120
Maybe she would be nicer
if she had a family of her own.

786
00:53:18,912 --> 00:53:22,412
Instead of always having to latch
onto someone else's.

787
00:53:24,914 --> 00:53:26,747
You're a pretty bright little guy.

788
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:28,331
Excuse me... man.

789
00:53:34,166 --> 00:53:34,791
It's okay.

790
00:53:37,249 --> 00:53:38,500
Do you know what I want to do?

791
00:53:41,084 --> 00:53:43,251
When I was your age,
my dad shared a beer with me.

792
00:53:43,418 --> 00:53:45,669
And I thought it was
the best thing ever.

793
00:53:58,255 --> 00:54:01,007
When I was a boy, just about
every summer we'd take a vacation.

794
00:54:02,758 --> 00:54:06,258
In 18 years, we never had fun.

795
00:54:09,635 --> 00:54:11,218
Now I have my own family.

796
00:54:11,384 --> 00:54:12,844
And we're on our own vacation.

797
00:54:13,053 --> 00:54:13,969
You know what?

798
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:15,553
What, Dad?

799
00:54:16,637 --> 00:54:18,137
We're going to have fun.

800
00:54:23,388 --> 00:54:24,388
We're going to have fun.

801
00:54:27,348 --> 00:54:28,932
Don't let your mother smell
that beer on your breath.

802
00:54:29,098 --> 00:54:30,599
She'll take it out on me.

803
00:54:32,265 --> 00:54:34,975
I better get moving if I want
to get us out of here by dark.

804
00:54:38,559 --> 00:54:40,019
Good talk, son.

805
00:54:40,227 --> 00:54:41,185
Good talk, Dad.

806
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:43,228
Clark?

807
00:54:49,229 --> 00:54:52,605
I just had a good talk with Rusty.
You'll be in good hands here, honey.

808
00:54:54,648 --> 00:54:55,731
Where are you going?!

809
00:54:56,481 --> 00:54:59,357
There must be a phone or a gas station
around here, honey.

810
00:55:00,983 --> 00:55:03,484
All right, but if you're
not back in an hour...

811
00:55:04,192 --> 00:55:07,027
I'll be fine. You'll be fine.
I'm sure this happens all the time.

812
00:55:07,193 --> 00:55:09,110
A patrol car will be by any minute.

813
00:55:11,028 --> 00:55:12,361
"Over the river and through the woods

814
00:55:12,528 --> 00:55:14,195
"To Grandmother's house we go

815
00:55:15,695 --> 00:55:17,029
"A thousand bottles of beer on the wall

816
00:55:21,697 --> 00:55:22,989
"Four bottles of beer

817
00:55:23,864 --> 00:55:25,573
"If one of those bottles
should happen to fall...

818
00:55:26,198 --> 00:55:29,033
"I love a parade

819
00:55:29,616 --> 00:55:32,617
"The trampling of feet,
I love the beat I hear of a drum

820
00:55:33,867 --> 00:55:36,201
"I love a parade"

821
00:55:45,788 --> 00:55:50,413
We pass a goddamn gas station
every 100 yards for 1,000 miles!

822
00:55:51,039 --> 00:55:53,540
But when you really need one,
you end up walking your ass off.

823
00:55:53,706 --> 00:55:55,207
This is no way to run a desert!

824
00:55:56,874 --> 00:55:58,165
Jesus! I'm going to die!

825
00:56:00,042 --> 00:56:01,125
What an asshole!

826
00:56:07,377 --> 00:56:08,711
Taxi. Taxi!

827
00:56:10,545 --> 00:56:11,545
I'm dead.

828
00:56:16,338 --> 00:56:17,547
I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm finished.

829
00:56:21,256 --> 00:56:22,549
Hot! Hot!

830
00:56:51,015 --> 00:56:52,974
I'm not sure of his
exact height and weight.

831
00:56:53,349 --> 00:56:55,099
All I know is the man was
a saint with children...

832
00:56:55,266 --> 00:56:56,934
...and a genius with food additives...

833
00:56:57,600 --> 00:56:58,392
...and...

834
00:56:58,600 --> 00:56:59,559
Clark!

835
00:56:59,725 --> 00:57:00,351
Ellen!

836
00:57:04,227 --> 00:57:04,894
Russ!

837
00:57:07,311 --> 00:57:07,979
Audrey?

838
00:57:08,395 --> 00:57:09,228
Audrey!

839
00:57:12,729 --> 00:57:14,064
Are you all right?

840
00:57:14,397 --> 00:57:15,188
I'm fine!

841
00:57:15,397 --> 00:57:16,772
What happened to you?
How did you get here?

842
00:57:16,897 --> 00:57:20,231
Well these two nice Indians and
a man on a camel called a tow truck.

843
00:57:20,398 --> 00:57:21,357
Daddy's back!

844
00:57:24,066 --> 00:57:25,150
Kids, are you thirsty?

845
00:57:25,442 --> 00:57:27,443
- Yeah, I bet you are too!
- You said it!

846
00:57:49,741 --> 00:57:50,699
What do I owe you?

847
00:57:51,658 --> 00:57:54,825
I never heard of no one so stupid
as you driving off that road.

848
00:57:55,617 --> 00:57:57,451
You must have manure for brains.

849
00:57:58,452 --> 00:58:00,368
Yes, well, I'm from out of town.

850
00:58:01,201 --> 00:58:02,202
What's the bill?

851
00:58:07,370 --> 00:58:08,705
Come on. How much?

852
00:58:08,788 --> 00:58:09,913
How much do you have?

853
00:58:10,455 --> 00:58:11,872
No, I'm asking how much the repairs are.

854
00:58:13,122 --> 00:58:14,748
I'm asking you, how much do you have.

855
00:58:17,540 --> 00:58:18,248
You're crazy.

856
00:58:19,708 --> 00:58:21,207
I don't have time to play around.

857
00:58:21,374 --> 00:58:22,375
How much is it?

858
00:58:23,042 --> 00:58:24,375
All of it, boy.

859
00:58:26,376 --> 00:58:28,501
What does your sheriff think
of your business practices?

860
00:58:51,133 --> 00:58:52,967
Audrey, how much
baby-sitting money do you have?

861
00:58:54,051 --> 00:58:55,009
How come?

862
00:58:55,551 --> 00:58:56,551
How much?

863
00:58:56,635 --> 00:58:57,719
What's the matter?

864
00:58:58,218 --> 00:59:01,678
I just spent $500
on four bald tires and a tow!

865
00:59:02,511 --> 00:59:03,596
How much do you have?

866
00:59:05,095 --> 00:59:05,763
$35.

867
00:59:06,596 --> 00:59:07,930
She has $40, Dad.

868
00:59:08,263 --> 00:59:10,890
How would you know? Unless you went
in my purse, you rotten sneak.

869
00:59:11,097 --> 00:59:13,556
Have you been going through
her private property?

870
00:59:14,015 --> 00:59:16,098
I don't give a frog's fat ass
who went through what.

871
00:59:16,432 --> 00:59:17,767
We need money!

872
00:59:19,183 --> 00:59:20,224
Edna, how much do you have?

873
00:59:21,017 --> 00:59:22,351
She's asleep, Clark!

874
00:59:23,601 --> 00:59:25,602
Russ, do you want to look
through Edna's purse?

875
00:59:26,018 --> 00:59:26,685
Clark!

876
00:59:33,103 --> 00:59:33,937
Unzip it.

877
00:59:38,689 --> 00:59:39,773
She has 11 cents, Dad.

878
00:59:40,272 --> 00:59:41,357
Terrific.

879
00:59:41,690 --> 00:59:43,106
The motel will cash your check.

880
00:59:44,190 --> 00:59:46,066
They better. We're going to
run out of gas.

881
00:59:50,734 --> 00:59:53,693
I'm sorry, sir.
I can't accept this credit card.

882
00:59:54,735 --> 00:59:55,361
Why not?

883
00:59:55,736 --> 00:59:57,527
The computer says
it's has been reported lost.

884
00:59:58,570 --> 01:00:02,196
My wife lost her credit
cards in Colorado and I reported it.

885
01:00:02,404 --> 01:00:05,364
The computer is probably reporting that
I lost mine also, which I haven't.

886
01:00:05,614 --> 01:00:08,447
Well, you'll have to straighten that out
with your bank.

887
01:00:09,323 --> 01:00:10,573
Will you accept a personal check?

888
01:00:10,948 --> 01:00:12,115
For what amount?

889
01:00:12,324 --> 01:00:13,115
$300.

890
01:00:13,616 --> 01:00:14,699
I can't do that, sir.

891
01:00:14,783 --> 01:00:17,325
Look, I've lost all my cash and
we're on our way to California.

892
01:00:17,575 --> 01:00:18,533
Walley World?

893
01:00:18,910 --> 01:00:20,242
Yeah! Walley World!

894
01:00:20,910 --> 01:00:23,577
And I'm sort of stuck between
a rock and a hard place.

895
01:00:23,911 --> 01:00:25,118
You know I'd really appreciate it.

896
01:00:25,745 --> 01:00:27,870
We require a major credit card.

897
01:00:30,537 --> 01:00:33,205
I have $6.13 to my name...

898
01:00:33,288 --> 01:00:35,455
...so I can see we're going to have
to work something out.

899
01:00:35,830 --> 01:00:38,289
I've already told you that
I can't accept a check...

900
01:00:38,373 --> 01:00:39,957
...without a major credit card.

901
01:00:40,415 --> 01:00:45,083
I'll give you a check for $1,000.
All you have to give me is $300 in cash.

902
01:00:45,416 --> 01:00:50,627
You can then keep $700 for doing nothing
more than acting like a total creep.

903
01:00:52,126 --> 01:00:53,753
The only thing I can do...

904
01:00:53,795 --> 01:00:56,796
...is have you stay here
until the check clears.

905
01:00:57,128 --> 01:00:58,671
Ten working days!

906
01:01:26,470 --> 01:01:29,179
Let's go, come on!
Where is Edna?

907
01:01:29,304 --> 01:01:30,179
In the car!

908
01:01:30,513 --> 01:01:31,764
Good! Come on, get in the car.

909
01:01:32,138 --> 01:01:33,764
Don't you want to look
at the Grand Canyon?

910
01:01:36,306 --> 01:01:37,431
Great, let's go.

911
01:01:48,435 --> 01:01:49,435
Rusty, wake up!

912
01:01:52,936 --> 01:01:55,229
Get out those sandwiches
I got at the gas station.

913
01:01:55,688 --> 01:01:59,021
I'm so hungry, I could eat
a sandwich from a gas station.

914
01:02:00,230 --> 01:02:01,564
There's one for everyone.

915
01:02:02,189 --> 01:02:06,065
Audrey, wake Aunt Edna. It's time
for her to eat and take her pill.

916
01:02:06,440 --> 01:02:07,732
Please, get off of me!

917
01:02:08,941 --> 01:02:11,233
Mom, tell Audrey to stop pushing
Aunt Edna on me.

918
01:02:11,441 --> 01:02:13,568
I'm sick of her lying
on me all the time!

919
01:02:14,359 --> 01:02:15,317
Be quiet!

920
01:02:16,443 --> 01:02:17,402
Auntie?

921
01:02:17,443 --> 01:02:21,194
Honey, it's only a few hours to Phoenix!
Let her be, she's fine!

922
01:02:21,570 --> 01:02:22,654
She's not fine!

923
01:02:23,696 --> 01:02:24,987
She's fine! Don't be silly!

924
01:02:25,904 --> 01:02:28,071
She's not fine, Clark!

925
01:02:28,280 --> 01:02:29,364
She's dead!

926
01:02:37,575 --> 01:02:39,742
She breathed on me!
A dead person breathed on me!

927
01:02:39,908 --> 01:02:41,742
Her hand touched me!
She's stiff already!

928
01:02:53,996 --> 01:02:55,288
Goddamn it, anyway!

929
01:03:05,249 --> 01:03:07,916
She must have passed away
somewhere near Flagstaff.

930
01:03:10,250 --> 01:03:11,710
What are we going to do, Clark?

931
01:03:15,252 --> 01:03:16,586
Well, we could leave her here...

932
01:03:16,669 --> 01:03:18,919
...and the first phone we pass,
we'd call your cousin, Normie...

933
01:03:19,003 --> 01:03:20,671
...and he can come and get her, I guess.

934
01:03:20,754 --> 01:03:22,212
That's the meanest, coldest...

935
01:03:22,796 --> 01:03:24,505
What do you want me to do,
call Federal Express?

936
01:03:24,755 --> 01:03:27,631
Mom, we don't have to ride
with a dead person, do we?

937
01:03:27,715 --> 01:03:28,715
Please say we don't!

938
01:03:29,006 --> 01:03:31,299
Come on, Mom. It'd be real easy
for Cousin Normie to find her.

939
01:03:31,466 --> 01:03:33,174
All he'd have to do is
look for the buzzards.

940
01:03:34,090 --> 01:03:36,758
Hell! Then we'll drive her
to Cousin Normie's.

941
01:03:37,633 --> 01:03:41,177
I just didn't want to get caught up in
a funeral, inquests and all that crap.

942
01:03:41,635 --> 01:03:46,303
You're the most self-centered,
egotistical, manipulative...

943
01:03:46,678 --> 01:03:48,679
Don't say anything you'll regret, Ellen!

944
01:03:49,679 --> 01:03:51,680
I'm being practical.
If we drove straight through...

945
01:03:51,722 --> 01:03:53,430
...we'd have three days
at Walley World at best.

946
01:03:53,680 --> 01:03:54,680
Three.

947
01:03:57,639 --> 01:03:59,390
She can't weight more than 100 pounds.

948
01:04:00,515 --> 01:04:03,224
Oh, no!
You can't put her up on that roof!

949
01:04:03,475 --> 01:04:04,433
Yes, he can!

950
01:04:05,601 --> 01:04:08,685
Do you want me to strap her to the hood?
What's the difference? She'll be fine.

951
01:04:08,976 --> 01:04:11,185
It's not as if it's going to rain
or something.

952
01:04:38,234 --> 01:04:39,611
This is terrible!

953
01:04:41,902 --> 01:04:44,487
What a nightmare!

954
01:05:00,116 --> 01:05:02,366
Don't just blurt it out
about Edna dying!

955
01:05:02,617 --> 01:05:04,618
How about if I ask him
to play a guessing game?

956
01:05:13,411 --> 01:05:15,412
Oh, no, he isn't even home.

957
01:05:15,537 --> 01:05:17,497
Maybe the neighbors know where he is.

958
01:05:17,746 --> 01:05:19,455
The moron knows we're coming,
and he isn't home.

959
01:05:19,538 --> 01:05:21,581
Normie's always been flighty.

960
01:05:21,706 --> 01:05:22,623
He's always been a jag-off.

961
01:05:22,747 --> 01:05:24,040
Will you watch your mouth?

962
01:05:24,373 --> 01:05:25,123
There's a note.

963
01:05:27,248 --> 01:05:29,124
"Have gone to Flagstaff.
Be back on Monday."

964
01:05:31,292 --> 01:05:32,459
What a worm!

965
01:05:54,090 --> 01:05:55,049
It's locked!

966
01:06:00,258 --> 01:06:01,384
Okay, let's go!

967
01:06:02,759 --> 01:06:04,801
We can't leave her on the patio!

968
01:06:05,802 --> 01:06:08,761
Would you rather I slipped her in the
night deposit box at the funeral home?!

969
01:06:08,803 --> 01:06:09,719
Come on!

970
01:06:09,803 --> 01:06:11,470
It's raining all over her!

971
01:06:12,262 --> 01:06:13,929
She can't catch a cold now, Mom!

972
01:06:15,597 --> 01:06:18,138
Clark? We have to at least
say something.

973
01:06:18,763 --> 01:06:20,722
Okay, bow your heads, bow your heads.

974
01:06:21,806 --> 01:06:22,641
Oh, God...

975
01:06:24,682 --> 01:06:27,517
Ease our suffering in this,
our moment of great despair!

976
01:06:27,974 --> 01:06:32,518
Admit this good and decent woman
into Thine arms and the flock...

977
01:06:32,851 --> 01:06:34,810
...in Thine heavenly area up there.

978
01:06:36,727 --> 01:06:40,521
And Moab he laideth down
behind the land of the Canaanites.

979
01:06:41,020 --> 01:06:43,813
And, yea,
though the Hindus speak of karma...

980
01:06:44,355 --> 01:06:45,021
Clark!

981
01:06:45,355 --> 01:06:48,231
I implore you, give her a break.

982
01:06:48,523 --> 01:06:49,231
Clark!

983
01:06:55,732 --> 01:06:58,775
Clark, this is a serious matter!
I'll do it myself!

984
01:06:59,025 --> 01:07:01,985
Honey, I'm not an ordained minister!
I'm doing my best, okay?

985
01:07:03,486 --> 01:07:07,028
Lord, we love this woman
with all our hearts!

986
01:07:07,237 --> 01:07:08,653
Let's not overdo it, Mom!

987
01:07:09,028 --> 01:07:09,736
Shut up!

988
01:07:10,321 --> 01:07:12,613
We know she deserves
better than this...

989
01:07:13,029 --> 01:07:16,989
...but my husband wants his
beloved family to get to Walley World...

990
01:07:17,030 --> 01:07:18,532
...to have their vacation!

991
01:07:19,031 --> 01:07:22,032
I hope you understand!
Have mercy on his soul!

992
01:07:22,241 --> 01:07:23,533
Amen! Let's go!

993
01:07:24,492 --> 01:07:27,451
I hope you children have learned
something about life and death!

994
01:07:27,909 --> 01:07:30,076
Yeah! Don't die unless someone is home!

995
01:07:32,785 --> 01:07:34,035
I think Normie will understand...

996
01:07:34,077 --> 01:07:36,036
...when he sees the note
we pinned on Edna's sleeve.

997
01:07:36,203 --> 01:07:40,371
Sure! You left his dead mother
tied to a lawn chair in his backyard!

998
01:07:40,538 --> 01:07:41,580
I'm sure he won't mind!

999
01:07:42,705 --> 01:07:44,038
It's all over and done with!

1000
01:07:44,539 --> 01:07:47,206
We'll find a motel and start fresh
in the morning.

1001
01:07:48,416 --> 01:07:51,124
I don't want to be in the car anymore.
I want to go home!

1002
01:07:51,207 --> 01:07:52,874
I don't want to go to Walley World!

1003
01:07:52,916 --> 01:07:56,584
Clark? Under the circumstances,
I would rather we just go home.

1004
01:07:56,875 --> 01:08:01,836
In retrospect, driving across country,
has been one disaster after another!

1005
01:08:02,044 --> 01:08:03,919
Yeah, it's been a real drag, Dad!

1006
01:08:04,919 --> 01:08:06,795
Maybe we can try it some other time.

1007
01:08:07,296 --> 01:08:09,130
Walley World's overrated anyway.

1008
01:08:10,255 --> 01:08:11,213
What do you think?

1009
01:08:15,047 --> 01:08:17,048
I think you're all fucked in the head.

1010
01:08:17,215 --> 01:08:20,924
We're ten hours from the fucking
fun park and you want to bail out.

1011
01:08:21,091 --> 01:08:23,675
Well, I'll tell you something.
This is no longer a vacation!

1012
01:08:24,050 --> 01:08:25,217
It's a quest!

1013
01:08:25,467 --> 01:08:26,468
It's a quest for fun.

1014
01:08:27,260 --> 01:08:29,303
I'm going to have fun and
you're going to have fun.

1015
01:08:29,428 --> 01:08:31,219
We're all going to have
so much fucking fun...

1016
01:08:31,303 --> 01:08:34,262
...we'll need plastic surgery
to remove our goddamn smiles.

1017
01:08:34,595 --> 01:08:37,555
You'll be whistling zippity-doo-dah
out of your assholes!

1018
01:08:39,597 --> 01:08:42,055
I have to be crazy.
I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose.

1019
01:08:42,763 --> 01:08:46,308
Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!

1020
01:08:47,640 --> 01:08:49,308
Dad, do you want
an aspirin or something?

1021
01:08:50,267 --> 01:08:50,933
Don't touch!

1022
01:09:06,104 --> 01:09:07,855
The next time you have
one of your outbursts...

1023
01:09:07,938 --> 01:09:10,814
...I'd appreciate it if you'd have
some consideration for your kids.

1024
01:09:11,273 --> 01:09:12,148
What are you talking about?

1025
01:09:12,273 --> 01:09:13,315
You don't know?

1026
01:09:14,107 --> 01:09:16,232
All I know is I'm trying to treat
my family to a little fun!

1027
01:09:17,275 --> 01:09:19,649
Spare me, Clark!
I know your brand of family fun.

1028
01:09:19,816 --> 01:09:21,526
Tomorrow you'll probably
kill the desk clerk...

1029
01:09:21,609 --> 01:09:24,651
...hold up a McDonald's, and drive us
a thousand miles out of the way...

1030
01:09:24,735 --> 01:09:26,527
...to see the world's largest
ball of mud!

1031
01:09:27,652 --> 01:09:28,861
You know what your problem is?

1032
01:09:31,112 --> 01:09:33,195
You have an uncanny knack
for looking at the dark side of things.

1033
01:09:33,279 --> 01:09:34,363
That's your problem.

1034
01:09:36,405 --> 01:09:38,448
You wouldn't know a good time
if it came up and bit you!

1035
01:09:38,906 --> 01:09:40,031
Where are you going?

1036
01:09:40,156 --> 01:09:41,157
What do you care?

1037
01:11:12,933 --> 01:11:14,142
Are you waiting for someone?

1038
01:11:16,184 --> 01:11:18,435
No! Do you mind if I sit down?

1039
01:11:21,144 --> 01:11:22,477
Fancy seeing you here.

1040
01:11:23,769 --> 01:11:26,437
Having a nice little family vacation?

1041
01:11:31,814 --> 01:11:33,397
It would appear so, wouldn't it?

1042
01:11:34,940 --> 01:11:39,024
No, the truth of it is,
and this is highly confidential...

1043
01:11:39,107 --> 01:11:40,066
...I own this motel.

1044
01:11:42,067 --> 01:11:43,608
I own the whole chain, nationwide.

1045
01:11:43,942 --> 01:11:45,401
Twenty-two hundred units.

1046
01:11:47,235 --> 01:11:50,443
Yeah, once a year,
I travel across the country, incognito.

1047
01:11:50,944 --> 01:11:52,986
Check things out,
and see how the operation is running.

1048
01:11:53,653 --> 01:11:56,113
I thought you were going to say
you worked for the CIA.

1049
01:11:59,114 --> 01:12:00,030
That's an old bit, isn't it?

1050
01:12:00,780 --> 01:12:01,405
Really.

1051
01:12:03,156 --> 01:12:07,157
No, I'm not with the CIA.
I was, but that was a long time ago.

1052
01:12:07,865 --> 01:12:09,367
I don't like to talk about it.

1053
01:12:10,825 --> 01:12:14,284
No, I'm mainly interested
in my motels now...

1054
01:12:14,368 --> 01:12:15,451
And my airline.

1055
01:12:15,493 --> 01:12:16,493
That's great.

1056
01:12:16,993 --> 01:12:18,743
I'm just trying to have a little fun.

1057
01:12:19,828 --> 01:12:21,953
It's a shame you're married.

1058
01:12:22,036 --> 01:12:24,037
I'm in the mood for some fun.

1059
01:12:24,662 --> 01:12:28,330
Married?
You mean those people I'm with?

1060
01:12:28,830 --> 01:12:31,081
That's my brother's family.

1061
01:12:31,331 --> 01:12:32,790
My brother's ring.

1062
01:12:32,873 --> 01:12:35,456
I usually borrow them on these
little inspection tours of mine.

1063
01:12:37,333 --> 01:12:41,042
It helps to complete the disguise.
It's fun for them.

1064
01:12:41,708 --> 01:12:44,584
It's a good disguise.
I like the station wagon effect.

1065
01:12:45,377 --> 01:12:47,544
Yeah? Well, that's a big part of it.

1066
01:12:48,336 --> 01:12:52,962
In order to be convincing, you have
to look and act like an ordinary jerk.

1067
01:12:55,213 --> 01:12:58,588
You know, stop at all the stupid sites
and look like a fool.

1068
01:13:00,090 --> 01:13:01,840
Basically, be yourself?

1069
01:13:02,673 --> 01:13:03,632
Yeah!

1070
01:13:04,799 --> 01:13:05,799
You like the disguise?

1071
01:13:11,884 --> 01:13:14,344
My credo is, if you have
to have a credo...

1072
01:13:15,552 --> 01:13:17,511
...you know, "Go for it," pretty much.

1073
01:13:18,553 --> 01:13:22,012
You only go around this crazy
merry-go-round once! You know?

1074
01:13:22,721 --> 01:13:23,429
I agree.

1075
01:13:23,887 --> 01:13:24,513
Yeah.

1076
01:13:30,389 --> 01:13:31,266
That's my credo!

1077
01:13:36,225 --> 01:13:39,226
You don't have to have a credo, but...

1078
01:13:39,309 --> 01:13:40,809
"If the shoe fits, wear it."

1079
01:13:40,892 --> 01:13:43,518
"A penny saved..."
"Pennies from heaven..."

1080
01:13:44,644 --> 01:13:45,686
My favorite credo...

1081
01:13:52,730 --> 01:13:55,439
...you know "A penny saved, and..."

1082
01:13:55,522 --> 01:13:56,564
Thank you.

1083
01:14:02,316 --> 01:14:03,899
This feels great!

1084
01:14:06,192 --> 01:14:07,151
Well...

1085
01:14:08,026 --> 01:14:09,609
...are you going to go for it?

1086
01:14:10,484 --> 01:14:11,985
Uh... here?

1087
01:14:12,360 --> 01:14:13,819
To start with, yes.

1088
01:14:14,694 --> 01:14:17,320
Why not? Don't you swim?

1089
01:14:19,696 --> 01:14:23,697
Sure, I took third in the state finals
in my senior year.

1090
01:14:27,781 --> 01:14:30,407
Yeah, I'm really at ease in the water.

1091
01:14:33,783 --> 01:14:35,742
I'm proficient in many strokes
and I dive.

1092
01:14:35,783 --> 01:14:38,285
As a matter of fact,
I could've been in the Olympics.

1093
01:14:40,702 --> 01:14:43,703
Yeah. I'll be right there.

1094
01:14:44,703 --> 01:14:49,412
Yeah. This is crazy, this is crazy,
this is crazy!

1095
01:14:52,330 --> 01:14:53,165
How's the water?

1096
01:14:53,331 --> 01:14:54,414
Exhilarating!

1097
01:14:55,622 --> 01:14:57,457
I'm in deep, I'm in deep!

1098
01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:06,334
It's cold! Jesus! Fuck!

1099
01:15:08,918 --> 01:15:09,918
Clark?

1100
01:15:10,502 --> 01:15:11,461
Cold!

1101
01:15:22,422 --> 01:15:23,422
Clark...?

1102
01:15:24,506 --> 01:15:25,548
Hi, honey.

1103
01:15:25,673 --> 01:15:27,007
What are you doing?

1104
01:15:27,257 --> 01:15:28,382
Swimming!

1105
01:15:28,549 --> 01:15:30,884
Yeah, my back was killing me.

1106
01:15:32,800 --> 01:15:35,676
And I thought I'd get a swim
and loosen up the muscles.

1107
01:15:36,052 --> 01:15:38,385
Why go to the car and get
the bathing suit? Jump right in.

1108
01:15:40,011 --> 01:15:41,053
It's exhilarating.

1109
01:15:41,720 --> 01:15:43,511
Guess what, honey?
This person here was...

1110
01:15:43,720 --> 01:15:45,013
...here!

1111
01:15:46,180 --> 01:15:47,638
I didn't see this person, so...

1112
01:15:48,555 --> 01:15:51,973
...I screamed, that's why I yelled.
I was so surprised.

1113
01:15:52,431 --> 01:15:53,890
You can imagine, can't you, honey?

1114
01:15:58,808 --> 01:15:59,808
Honey?!

1115
01:16:13,229 --> 01:16:14,188
Will you excuse me?

1116
01:16:15,063 --> 01:16:16,271
You have to go.

1117
01:16:17,605 --> 01:16:19,564
Well, I'd stay if I weren't married,
but I am.

1118
01:16:20,564 --> 01:16:21,522
I know.

1119
01:16:22,732 --> 01:16:24,273
I hope I didn't spoil your evening.

1120
01:16:24,607 --> 01:16:26,358
No, it's been interesting.

1121
01:16:28,067 --> 01:16:29,901
Well, enjoy the rest of your trip.

1122
01:16:30,275 --> 01:16:31,275
You, too.

1123
01:16:40,570 --> 01:16:41,946
I can't believe this.

1124
01:16:43,613 --> 01:16:46,447
I am so humiliated.

1125
01:16:48,906 --> 01:16:51,115
Cut it out. You don't even know
how to inhale.

1126
01:16:51,448 --> 01:16:52,615
So?!

1127
01:16:53,241 --> 01:16:54,200
Maybe I don't want to.

1128
01:16:55,449 --> 01:16:56,617
You're such a dork.

1129
01:16:58,784 --> 01:17:03,243
How can he do this to Mom?
They'll probably get a divorce.

1130
01:17:04,494 --> 01:17:05,619
I better have a talk with him.

1131
01:17:12,955 --> 01:17:13,997
What are you doing up?

1132
01:17:15,164 --> 01:17:16,747
You woke the whole motel up, Dad.

1133
01:17:20,331 --> 01:17:21,208
I was...

1134
01:17:21,290 --> 01:17:22,124
...swimming.

1135
01:17:22,166 --> 01:17:23,124
Yeah, I saw you.

1136
01:17:25,458 --> 01:17:26,708
Russ, come here a minute.

1137
01:17:31,502 --> 01:17:34,252
You know I wouldn't
do anything to hurt your Mom.

1138
01:17:35,795 --> 01:17:37,419
It's been a long drive.

1139
01:17:40,837 --> 01:17:44,172
I work very hard for you,
Audrey and your mom.

1140
01:17:47,173 --> 01:17:50,674
I guess when you get older
you get these feelings...

1141
01:17:52,258 --> 01:17:55,300
...and these feelings make you do
things you wouldn't normally do.

1142
01:17:56,842 --> 01:17:58,134
Like swimming naked with girls?

1143
01:17:58,217 --> 01:18:00,552
Yeah! Like swimming naked with girls.

1144
01:18:00,635 --> 01:18:03,302
Well, not with girls.
You think I was swimming with girls?

1145
01:18:03,678 --> 01:18:04,970
I saw just one girl.

1146
01:18:06,554 --> 01:18:08,178
Who, that girl?

1147
01:18:08,345 --> 01:18:10,555
Oh, no, that's a waitress.
No, I was just ordering in.

1148
01:18:11,179 --> 01:18:12,389
She's a pool waitress.

1149
01:18:14,098 --> 01:18:17,181
I was ordering some fish
for you, Audrey and Mom.

1150
01:18:17,223 --> 01:18:18,348
She took your order?

1151
01:18:18,515 --> 01:18:20,224
She took my order, yeah.

1152
01:18:21,058 --> 01:18:22,016
Swimming waitress.

1153
01:18:23,225 --> 01:18:24,892
You understand, don't you, Russ?

1154
01:18:25,017 --> 01:18:26,476
Sure, I understand.

1155
01:18:28,560 --> 01:18:30,394
Do you think Mom will buy it?

1156
01:18:32,561 --> 01:18:36,396
Good talk, son. Go to bed, Russ.

1157
01:18:37,855 --> 01:18:38,479
Goodnight.

1158
01:18:43,231 --> 01:18:43,940
Ellen?

1159
01:18:48,482 --> 01:18:49,524
Ellen?

1160
01:18:50,316 --> 01:18:51,358
Honey?

1161
01:18:54,276 --> 01:18:55,110
Are you mad?

1162
01:18:56,819 --> 01:18:57,777
No.

1163
01:19:00,070 --> 01:19:01,278
Do you like that girl?

1164
01:19:03,112 --> 01:19:04,612
Is that what you want?

1165
01:19:05,279 --> 01:19:06,237
Oh, no.

1166
01:19:08,780 --> 01:19:10,406
How could I like a girl like that?

1167
01:19:11,447 --> 01:19:12,489
She's ugly.

1168
01:19:13,782 --> 01:19:14,740
I love you.

1169
01:19:18,283 --> 01:19:19,908
I'm sorry about everything.

1170
01:19:21,242 --> 01:19:23,450
I got angry because
you were right and I knew it.

1171
01:19:23,617 --> 01:19:24,827
I was hurt, honey.

1172
01:19:25,577 --> 01:19:28,119
I'm sorry, too.
It's not all your fault.

1173
01:19:28,744 --> 01:19:30,536
I know you've been trying.

1174
01:19:30,744 --> 01:19:31,871
I'm going to try, too.

1175
01:19:34,580 --> 01:19:35,788
I know how to have fun.

1176
01:19:37,580 --> 01:19:38,581
And I'm going to prove it.

1177
01:19:40,289 --> 01:19:43,082
Come on. Come on! Come on!

1178
01:19:43,415 --> 01:19:45,249
Honey, you don't have
to prove anything to me.

1179
01:19:46,791 --> 01:19:48,125
I want us to have some fun together.

1180
01:19:50,417 --> 01:19:52,418
- Come on!
- The water's very...

1181
01:20:26,970 --> 01:20:27,928
We must be getting close.

1182
01:20:29,345 --> 01:20:31,637
We're almost there.
Everybody just take it easy.

1183
01:20:37,723 --> 01:20:40,891
I know we're getting close.
What is that? What is that?

1184
01:20:41,640 --> 01:20:43,141
There it is!

1185
01:20:43,266 --> 01:20:45,725
Walley World, next three exits!

1186
01:20:49,559 --> 01:20:51,143
We made it dammit! We made it!

1187
01:20:53,019 --> 01:20:55,561
The Griswolds are
one hell of a family, huh?

1188
01:20:59,520 --> 01:21:00,688
Don't get too much sun, now.

1189
01:21:07,565 --> 01:21:08,899
It's beautiful!

1190
01:21:09,523 --> 01:21:10,858
It's just beautiful!

1191
01:21:13,399 --> 01:21:14,525
Oh, darling!

1192
01:21:17,860 --> 01:21:21,569
- We made it!
- You did it, Clark. Sparky...

1193
01:21:39,657 --> 01:21:40,657
We're the first ones here!

1194
01:21:44,910 --> 01:21:45,868
We're the first ones here!

1195
01:21:46,910 --> 01:21:48,744
But we're so far away, Clark.

1196
01:21:50,744 --> 01:21:52,703
And, at the end of the day,
when the lot's all full...

1197
01:21:52,870 --> 01:21:53,953
...and everybody's fighting
to get out of here...

1198
01:21:54,078 --> 01:21:56,204
...we'll be the first ones
to get out, too!

1199
01:21:57,662 --> 01:21:58,330
Why?

1200
01:21:59,080 --> 01:22:01,246
Because we're the Griswolds!

1201
01:22:04,331 --> 01:22:05,165
Come on, I'll race you!

1202
01:23:17,186 --> 01:23:18,186
Sorry, folks.

1203
01:23:18,311 --> 01:23:19,520
We're closed for 2 weeks...

1204
01:23:19,603 --> 01:23:23,020
...to clean and repair
America's favorite family fun park!

1205
01:23:30,648 --> 01:23:32,315
Clark! What are you doing?

1206
01:23:32,982 --> 01:23:34,358
We watch his program.

1207
01:23:34,983 --> 01:23:36,525
We buy his toys.
We go to his movies!

1208
01:23:36,692 --> 01:23:37,608
He owes us!

1209
01:23:38,109 --> 01:23:39,526
Doesn't he owe us, huh?

1210
01:23:40,276 --> 01:23:41,610
He owes the Griswolds, right?!

1211
01:23:41,943 --> 01:23:43,277
Fucking right, he owes us!

1212
01:23:43,694 --> 01:23:45,152
Clark, you're scaring me!

1213
01:23:45,528 --> 01:23:46,611
Don't be scared!

1214
01:23:46,778 --> 01:23:49,445
I just think someone owes us
an explanation, that's all!

1215
01:23:50,028 --> 01:23:51,697
Come on...

1216
01:23:52,946 --> 01:23:53,946
Clark, now just a minute!

1217
01:24:13,077 --> 01:24:15,035
Honey, will you check
the mileage, please?

1218
01:24:15,870 --> 01:24:16,870
Where are you going?

1219
01:24:17,078 --> 01:24:18,078
I'll be right back...

1220
01:24:18,578 --> 01:24:19,788
I'm just going to get
some sporting goods.

1221
01:24:32,667 --> 01:24:34,166
Clark, will you listen to me?

1222
01:24:34,667 --> 01:24:36,001
Let's just find a hotel.

1223
01:24:36,334 --> 01:24:38,001
I'll have my parents wire us money.

1224
01:24:38,167 --> 01:24:40,168
We'll fly home and forget
this vacation ever happened.

1225
01:24:41,002 --> 01:24:44,670
Relax. I told you I'm not angry
anymore, I'm in complete control.

1226
01:24:45,003 --> 01:24:47,170
They can't be repairing
every ride at the same time!

1227
01:24:47,588 --> 01:24:49,921
I think they owe us an explanation
and a little fun.

1228
01:24:50,505 --> 01:24:51,505
Whatever happens, just trust me.

1229
01:24:51,755 --> 01:24:52,755
Will you just trust me?

1230
01:24:59,674 --> 01:25:01,216
Sorry folks, the park's closed.

1231
01:25:01,383 --> 01:25:02,966
The moose outside should have told you.

1232
01:25:03,843 --> 01:25:05,676
Yes, we're here to see Mr. Roy Walley.

1233
01:25:05,925 --> 01:25:07,093
What is your name, sir?

1234
01:25:07,176 --> 01:25:08,176
Clark W. Griswold.

1235
01:25:11,761 --> 01:25:13,177
What is this regarding, Mr. Griswold?

1236
01:25:13,428 --> 01:25:17,053
It's a public... business...
summer inspection...

1237
01:25:17,095 --> 01:25:18,096
Personal matter.

1238
01:25:22,806 --> 01:25:26,515
Well, nobody notified
this office of anything!

1239
01:25:27,974 --> 01:25:28,932
Well, I'm notifying you.

1240
01:25:29,725 --> 01:25:31,392
I'll need more than that, sir.

1241
01:25:36,310 --> 01:25:38,436
Have you lost your mind?
Where did you get that?

1242
01:25:38,894 --> 01:25:39,894
At the sporting goods store.

1243
01:25:40,019 --> 01:25:40,853
You listen to me, fat ass.

1244
01:25:40,935 --> 01:25:42,936
You do what I say and there won't be
any problems, okay?

1245
01:25:43,895 --> 01:25:48,230
We drove 2,460 miles, just for
a little Roy Walley entertainment.

1246
01:25:48,314 --> 01:25:50,439
The Moose says you're closed.
I say you're open.

1247
01:25:50,814 --> 01:25:53,023
We're not really violent people.

1248
01:25:53,106 --> 01:25:54,440
This is our first gun.

1249
01:25:54,732 --> 01:25:55,733
No, it isn't.

1250
01:25:57,608 --> 01:25:58,609
What's going on here?

1251
01:25:58,858 --> 01:26:00,025
You! Freeze! Freeze!

1252
01:26:00,900 --> 01:26:02,234
Sit! Sit!

1253
01:26:03,568 --> 01:26:05,402
Lie down! Let's go, lie down!

1254
01:26:07,235 --> 01:26:08,235
Roll over!

1255
01:26:09,320 --> 01:26:10,195
Stay!

1256
01:26:12,904 --> 01:26:15,572
Okay! Let's ride! Let's ride!
Come on!

1257
01:26:16,863 --> 01:26:17,822
Stay!

1258
01:26:24,157 --> 01:26:25,157
This is scary isn't it?

1259
01:26:25,324 --> 01:26:26,533
You boys and girls make sure...

1260
01:26:26,575 --> 01:26:28,617
...you keep your hands on
the handlebars at all times.

1261
01:26:28,949 --> 01:26:30,451
We don't want any accidents!

1262
01:26:30,618 --> 01:26:31,618
Is that a real gun, Mom?

1263
01:26:31,784 --> 01:26:34,993
I don't know.
But when this is all over...

1264
01:26:35,744 --> 01:26:38,244
...your father may be going away
for a little while.

1265
01:26:38,411 --> 01:26:39,662
Boy, I sure am bushed!

1266
01:26:39,746 --> 01:26:40,746
Have you had enough yet, sir?

1267
01:26:42,120 --> 01:26:43,121
What do you mean "bushed"?

1268
01:26:44,371 --> 01:26:46,079
Where are the big rides?
The big ones?

1269
01:26:53,081 --> 01:26:54,166
Let's go. Get in the front.

1270
01:26:54,249 --> 01:26:55,249
Come on.

1271
01:27:00,126 --> 01:27:01,959
Has your father ever
killed anyone before?

1272
01:27:02,876 --> 01:27:03,835
Just a dog.

1273
01:27:04,169 --> 01:27:05,503
Oh, and my Aunt Edna.

1274
01:27:05,628 --> 01:27:07,462
Hey! You can't prove that, Rusty.

1275
01:27:10,879 --> 01:27:12,546
Rusty? May I call you Rusty?

1276
01:27:13,713 --> 01:27:15,838
I had a bad experience
on this ride once before.

1277
01:27:16,547 --> 01:27:17,507
What happened?

1278
01:27:18,256 --> 01:27:19,215
I threw up.

1279
01:27:34,803 --> 01:27:35,762
Now, don't do that again!

1280
01:29:14,666 --> 01:29:16,082
Goodie, goodie, goodie!
The Loop-D-Loop!

1281
01:29:16,207 --> 01:29:17,916
Come on, get in there.
Let's go, huh, kids?

1282
01:29:18,083 --> 01:29:19,041
Please, don't push!

1283
01:29:19,083 --> 01:29:21,126
Come on, Audrey.
Isn't this fun, honey?

1284
01:29:24,544 --> 01:29:25,960
That's not a real gun, is it, Clark?

1285
01:29:27,210 --> 01:29:28,836
What? Are you kidding?!
This is a Magnum P.I.!

1286
01:29:29,211 --> 01:29:30,169
It's a BB-gun!

1287
01:29:30,962 --> 01:29:32,712
Don't try me.
I could put your eye out with this.

1288
01:29:33,212 --> 01:29:34,547
You couldn't even break skin with that.

1289
01:29:34,879 --> 01:29:36,505
It could! It could break the skin.

1290
01:29:36,879 --> 01:29:39,714
It could put a lodge under the skin
and cause a bad infection.

1291
01:29:39,797 --> 01:29:41,298
That's an old wives' tale, Clark!

1292
01:29:41,382 --> 01:29:42,340
I'm telling.

1293
01:29:45,966 --> 01:29:47,633
See, I told you! I warned you!

1294
01:29:47,882 --> 01:29:49,426
If you wrecked the pants,
you'll pay for them!

1295
01:29:49,509 --> 01:29:50,509
Yeah, I'll pay for 'em.

1296
01:31:05,031 --> 01:31:05,697
Freeze!

1297
01:31:10,157 --> 01:31:10,907
Don't shoot!

1298
01:31:15,242 --> 01:31:16,576
Hands behind your heads!

1299
01:31:17,243 --> 01:31:18,201
Spread your legs!

1300
01:31:19,493 --> 01:31:20,952
Move up against the wall!

1301
01:31:21,161 --> 01:31:22,494
You two, over there!

1302
01:31:25,911 --> 01:31:26,828
It's just a BB-gun!

1303
01:31:27,245 --> 01:31:28,580
You are all under arrest.

1304
01:31:29,413 --> 01:31:30,746
You have the right to remain silent.

1305
01:31:32,247 --> 01:31:33,913
Watch your hands, mister!

1306
01:31:41,250 --> 01:31:42,125
How many are there?

1307
01:31:42,250 --> 01:31:43,250
A lot of them?

1308
01:31:44,959 --> 01:31:46,959
Whatever they want...
We'll pay 'em! We'll pay 'em!

1309
01:31:47,043 --> 01:31:47,917
Tell me, what is going on?

1310
01:31:48,419 --> 01:31:50,252
Everything's under control, sir.
They are terrorists!

1311
01:31:50,377 --> 01:31:51,002
Where?

1312
01:31:51,753 --> 01:31:52,420
Them?

1313
01:31:54,253 --> 01:31:55,588
He treated me like a dog!

1314
01:31:55,920 --> 01:31:57,254
He humiliated me!

1315
01:31:57,879 --> 01:31:58,755
What did he do with your dog?

1316
01:31:58,838 --> 01:32:00,588
He kidnapped me, Mr. Wally,
but I gotta tell you...

1317
01:32:00,671 --> 01:32:01,839
...I had a great time on your rides.

1318
01:32:01,923 --> 01:32:03,465
It was the most fantastic
experience I've ever had!

1319
01:32:03,548 --> 01:32:05,507
I like the part where you go
really way up high...

1320
01:32:05,549 --> 01:32:08,049
I'm glad you liked it.
Now, what's happening?

1321
01:32:08,257 --> 01:32:09,342
That is Roy Walley, honey!

1322
01:32:10,633 --> 01:32:13,134
I'm Russ Lasky. I met you
at the summer picnic last year.

1323
01:32:14,343 --> 01:32:15,051
I don't remember.

1324
01:32:15,092 --> 01:32:16,260
They kidnapped one of my men.

1325
01:32:16,385 --> 01:32:17,344
I was the one who got sick.

1326
01:32:17,593 --> 01:32:19,594
Anyway Mr. Wally,
I went on all the rides...

1327
01:32:19,677 --> 01:32:22,471
...I didn't get sick this time.
Normally I get sick on all your rides...

1328
01:32:22,554 --> 01:32:23,179
Quiet!

1329
01:32:26,263 --> 01:32:28,263
Mr. Walley... Roy?

1330
01:32:29,805 --> 01:32:31,931
I think I can make
some sense out of this.

1331
01:32:32,306 --> 01:32:33,973
Well, someone had better explain!

1332
01:32:35,140 --> 01:32:36,807
Or there will be a lot
of explaining to do!

1333
01:32:37,807 --> 01:32:39,308
I'm Clark W. Griswold.

1334
01:32:41,392 --> 01:32:42,850
This is my wife, Ellen.

1335
01:32:43,601 --> 01:32:47,102
Hi. We're big fans of yours.
We watch your show all the time.

1336
01:32:48,602 --> 01:32:50,603
These are my children, Audrey and Rusty.

1337
01:32:51,062 --> 01:32:51,895
Nice family.

1338
01:32:55,146 --> 01:32:57,064
We're from Chicago, Roy.
"The Windy City."

1339
01:32:57,314 --> 01:32:58,813
I've been there many times.

1340
01:32:59,231 --> 01:33:03,315
We just spent two weeks
of living hell, driving out here.

1341
01:33:05,274 --> 01:33:07,650
We lost a dear member
of the family on the way.

1342
01:33:10,025 --> 01:33:12,567
But, the important thing,
Roy, is that...

1343
01:33:12,609 --> 01:33:14,693
...we could have gone anywhere
we wanted to this summer.

1344
01:33:14,777 --> 01:33:15,985
Anywhere in the world.

1345
01:33:16,361 --> 01:33:17,694
But when I asked my kids...

1346
01:33:19,195 --> 01:33:22,196
Kids, remember when I asked you
where you wanted to go on vacation?

1347
01:33:22,695 --> 01:33:23,654
What did you say?

1348
01:33:23,779 --> 01:33:24,405
Hawaii?

1349
01:33:25,364 --> 01:33:26,197
Shut up, Russ.

1350
01:33:26,364 --> 01:33:27,364
Audrey, you remember?

1351
01:33:28,531 --> 01:33:29,531
Walley World, Dad?

1352
01:33:30,198 --> 01:33:32,615
"Walley World, Dad! "
Roy Walley World.

1353
01:33:34,367 --> 01:33:36,200
Do you have any children, Mr. Walley?

1354
01:33:36,367 --> 01:33:37,951
Are you kidding? I have seven.

1355
01:33:38,117 --> 01:33:38,784
I thought so.

1356
01:33:39,368 --> 01:33:40,909
Seven, did you hear that, honey?

1357
01:33:41,452 --> 01:33:42,410
You look so young!

1358
01:33:46,036 --> 01:33:47,702
Did you ever drive them across country?

1359
01:33:49,287 --> 01:33:50,954
I took the whole clan
to Florida one year.

1360
01:33:51,287 --> 01:33:53,455
The worst two weeks
I ever had in my life.

1361
01:33:53,871 --> 01:33:56,039
The smell from the backseat
was too unbearable.

1362
01:33:57,122 --> 01:33:58,081
I know that smell.

1363
01:34:02,916 --> 01:34:06,084
Imagine how your kids would
have felt if Florida had been closed.

1364
01:34:06,500 --> 01:34:07,959
They don't close Florida.

1365
01:34:08,084 --> 01:34:10,584
I know they don't close
the state of Florida.

1366
01:34:12,086 --> 01:34:14,294
When we got here,
to Roy Walley World...

1367
01:34:14,710 --> 01:34:16,420
...and it was closed down...

1368
01:34:17,087 --> 01:34:19,255
If you had seen the look
on my kids faces.

1369
01:34:19,504 --> 01:34:20,838
I guess I went a little haywire.

1370
01:34:21,004 --> 01:34:22,797
You went a lot haywire,
if you ask me!

1371
01:34:22,922 --> 01:34:23,922
I'm very sorry, sir.

1372
01:34:24,422 --> 01:34:25,923
I'm sorry to all these people.

1373
01:34:26,257 --> 01:34:27,756
I didn't mean any harm.

1374
01:34:28,506 --> 01:34:30,258
I want you to ask yourself one thing.

1375
01:34:32,507 --> 01:34:33,716
If you were me...

1376
01:34:33,883 --> 01:34:36,051
...wouldn't you have done
the same thing for your children?

1377
01:34:37,051 --> 01:34:38,051
No.

1378
01:34:38,759 --> 01:34:41,593
Mr. Walley, do you want me to take
them downtown and book them?

1379
01:34:45,928 --> 01:34:47,720
No... no.

1380
01:34:47,846 --> 01:34:50,596
Forget it, officer.
I'm not going to press any charges.

1381
01:34:56,682 --> 01:34:58,473
What did I tell ya?
Did I say trust me?