1 00:00:31,876 --> 00:00:36,791 There's a bunch of birds in the sky 2 00:00:37,596 --> 00:00:42,511 And some deers just went running by 3 00:00:43,156 --> 00:00:45,829 Oh, the snow's pure and white 4 00:00:46,036 --> 00:00:50,393 On the earth rich and brown 5 00:00:50,636 --> 00:00:53,469 Just another Sunday morning 6 00:00:53,716 --> 00:00:58,426 In my quiet mountain town 7 00:01:01,796 --> 00:01:03,866 The sun is shining And the grass is green 8 00:01:04,116 --> 00:01:05,993 Under the three feet of snow I mean 9 00:01:06,236 --> 00:01:09,433 This is the day When it's hard to wear a frown 10 00:01:09,676 --> 00:01:11,632 All the happy people stop To say hello 11 00:01:11,876 --> 00:01:14,436 -Out of my way! -Even though the temperature's low 12 00:01:14,676 --> 00:01:16,632 It's a perfect Sunday morning 13 00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:18,707 In my quiet mountain town 14 00:01:19,236 --> 00:01:20,669 Well, good morning, Stan. 15 00:01:20,916 --> 00:01:22,952 -Mom, can I have $8 to see a movie? -A movie? 16 00:01:23,156 --> 00:01:25,829 It'll be the best movie ever. A foreign film from Canada. 17 00:01:26,076 --> 00:01:28,874 -All right. But be back for supper. -Thanks, Mom. 18 00:01:29,876 --> 00:01:31,707 Oh, what a picture-perfect child 19 00:01:31,956 --> 00:01:33,912 Just like Jesus he's tender and mild 20 00:01:34,156 --> 00:01:37,432 He'd wear a smile While he wore a thorny crown 21 00:01:37,676 --> 00:01:39,906 What an angel with a heart So sweet and sure 22 00:01:40,156 --> 00:01:42,272 And a mind so open and pure 23 00:01:42,476 --> 00:01:46,515 Thank God we live ln this quiet redneck mountain town 24 00:01:46,956 --> 00:01:48,867 Dude! Dude, wake up! 25 00:01:51,796 --> 00:01:53,468 Kenny, come on! 26 00:01:54,476 --> 00:01:57,036 The Terrance and Phillip movie is out. You wanna come? 27 00:01:58,396 --> 00:01:59,909 Where do you think you're going? 28 00:02:01,396 --> 00:02:03,193 You have to go to church! 29 00:02:04,396 --> 00:02:06,546 Well, fine. Go ahead and miss church. 30 00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:09,794 When you die and go to hell, you can answer to Satan! 31 00:02:12,036 --> 00:02:13,708 You can see your breath Hanging in the air 32 00:02:13,956 --> 00:02:15,912 You see homeless people But you just don 't care 33 00:02:16,156 --> 00:02:19,273 It's a sea of smiles ln which we'd be glad to drown 34 00:02:24,036 --> 00:02:25,549 That's right! It's Sunday morning 35 00:02:25,796 --> 00:02:29,391 In our quiet little White-bread redneck mountain town 36 00:02:31,356 --> 00:02:33,824 -Ready, lke? Kick the baby! -Don't kick the baby. 37 00:02:34,036 --> 00:02:35,355 Kick the baby. 38 00:02:36,516 --> 00:02:41,032 Ike, you broke another window! That's a bad baby. Bad baby! 39 00:02:41,276 --> 00:02:42,595 We're going to the Terrance and Phillip movie. 40 00:02:43,836 --> 00:02:44,712 Oh, my God! 41 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,548 Kyle, where are you going? 42 00:02:46,796 --> 00:02:49,230 -We're going ice-skating. -Take your brother. 43 00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:51,427 He's not even my real brother. He's adopted. 44 00:02:51,676 --> 00:02:52,586 Do as I say! 45 00:02:52,836 --> 00:02:53,951 Okay, I'm sorry. 46 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,832 Look at those frail and fragile boys 47 00:02:58,076 --> 00:03:00,112 It really gets me down 48 00:03:00,356 --> 00:03:04,190 The world is such a rotten place And city life's a complete disgrace 49 00:03:04,436 --> 00:03:06,631 That's why I moved to This redneck meshuggenah 50 00:03:06,876 --> 00:03:10,915 Quiet mountain town 51 00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:14,466 Ike! Bad baby! 52 00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:16,354 Brought to you by Snacky Smores... 53 00:03:16,556 --> 00:03:18,433 ... the fun of s 'mores in a cookie. 54 00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:20,234 Mom, somebody's at the door! 55 00:03:20,476 --> 00:03:22,706 -Coming, hon. -I can't see the TV! 56 00:03:22,956 --> 00:03:26,028 It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by wild boars... 57 00:03:26,276 --> 00:03:27,914 ...and the world is glad to be rid of him. 58 00:03:28,156 --> 00:03:29,953 Eric, it's your little friends. 59 00:03:30,876 --> 00:03:31,911 What are you doing here? 60 00:03:33,396 --> 00:03:34,590 Sweet, dude. Yes! 61 00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:38,225 Off to the movies we shall go 62 00:03:38,476 --> 00:03:40,751 Where we learn everything That we know 63 00:03:40,956 --> 00:03:44,710 'Cause the movies teach us What our parents don 't have time to say 64 00:03:44,916 --> 00:03:47,271 And this movie's gonna Make our lives complete 65 00:03:47,756 --> 00:03:50,907 - 'Cause Terrance and Phillip are sweet -Super sweet. 66 00:03:51,316 --> 00:03:55,753 Thank God we live in the quiet little Redneck Podunk white trash 67 00:03:55,996 --> 00:03:58,954 U. S.A. 68 00:04:00,316 --> 00:04:03,274 Can I have five tickets to Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire ? 69 00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:05,070 No. 70 00:04:06,916 --> 00:04:07,712 What do you mean? 71 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:11,551 Asses of Fire is rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America. 72 00:04:11,796 --> 00:04:13,832 You must be accompanied by a parent or guardian. 73 00:04:14,076 --> 00:04:16,112 -Why? -This movie has naughty language! 74 00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:17,186 Next, please. 75 00:04:18,556 --> 00:04:20,786 -This can't be happening. -We have to see it. 76 00:04:20,996 --> 00:04:22,952 Screw it. It probably isn't good anyway. 77 00:04:23,156 --> 00:04:25,386 Cartman, what do you mean? You love Terrance and Phillip. 78 00:04:25,636 --> 00:04:27,308 But the animation's all crappy. 79 00:04:29,796 --> 00:04:31,149 Wait. I've got an idea. 80 00:04:31,876 --> 00:04:34,674 Hi. I want six tickets to Asses of Fire. 81 00:04:34,956 --> 00:04:36,992 This movie may not be appropriate for the little ones. 82 00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:39,272 He says this movie isn't appropriate for you. 83 00:04:39,556 --> 00:04:41,990 Mr. Homeless Guy, if you don't want $10... 84 00:04:42,196 --> 00:04:44,232 ...to buy a bottle of vodka, then be my guest. 85 00:04:44,516 --> 00:04:45,585 Six tickets, please. 86 00:04:49,276 --> 00:04:51,232 -Let me have some candy. -Let's see. 87 00:04:51,436 --> 00:04:52,869 I don't have any Jewish candy. 88 00:04:53,116 --> 00:04:54,913 Like you need all that chocolate, fat boy! 89 00:04:55,916 --> 00:04:56,985 The movie's starting. 90 00:05:01,836 --> 00:05:02,632 Hooray! 91 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:06,272 Terrance, what did the Spanish priest say to the lranian gynecologist? 92 00:05:06,516 --> 00:05:07,869 I don 't know, Phillip. What? 93 00:05:10,756 --> 00:05:12,109 Where do they find this stuff? 94 00:05:12,356 --> 00:05:14,108 You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip. 95 00:05:14,956 --> 00:05:15,752 What did he say? 96 00:05:15,956 --> 00:05:17,548 Why'd you call me a pig-fucker? 97 00:05:17,756 --> 00:05:20,589 Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs. 98 00:05:20,796 --> 00:05:21,592 Oh, yeah. 99 00:05:22,676 --> 00:05:24,906 Well, fuck my ass and call me a bitch. 100 00:05:26,396 --> 00:05:27,795 You shit-faced cockmaster. 101 00:05:29,076 --> 00:05:30,634 "Shit-faced cockmaster. " 102 00:05:30,876 --> 00:05:32,275 You donkey-raping shit-eater. 103 00:05:32,516 --> 00:05:33,505 "Donkey-raping shit-eater. " 104 00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:38,554 -You'd fuck your uncle! -You'd fuck your uncle! 105 00:05:39,116 --> 00:05:41,186 Shut your fucking face Uncle fucker 106 00:05:41,436 --> 00:05:43,996 You're a cocksucking Ass-licking uncle-fucker 107 00:05:44,276 --> 00:05:47,109 Yes, it's true Nobody fucks uncles quite like you 108 00:05:47,356 --> 00:05:49,347 Shut your fucking face Uncle fucker 109 00:05:49,596 --> 00:05:52,110 You're the one that fucked your uncle Uncle fucker 110 00:05:52,356 --> 00:05:55,348 You don 't eat or mow the lawn You fuck your uncle all day long 111 00:06:06,436 --> 00:06:07,949 What's going on here? 112 00:06:10,636 --> 00:06:12,911 -What garbage. -What do you expect? They're Canadian. 113 00:06:22,636 --> 00:06:24,388 Shut your fucking face Uncle fucker 114 00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:27,110 You're a boner-biting bastard Uncle fucker 115 00:06:27,356 --> 00:06:30,507 -You're an uncle-fucker I must say -You fucked your uncle yesterday 116 00:06:30,876 --> 00:06:34,915 Uncle fucker That's U-N-C-L-E fuck you 117 00:06:35,156 --> 00:06:36,874 Uncle fucker 118 00:06:37,276 --> 00:06:38,072 Suck my balls. 119 00:06:42,396 --> 00:06:45,786 -That movie was fucking sweet! -You bet your fucking ass it was! 120 00:06:46,036 --> 00:06:47,594 Fuck, I wanna be just like them. 121 00:06:47,836 --> 00:06:49,508 Wait, where's your guardian? 122 00:06:50,316 --> 00:06:53,911 I knew it! You paid a homeless guy to get you in, didn't you? 123 00:06:54,236 --> 00:06:56,750 Fuck off, you donkey-raping shit-eater. 124 00:06:57,076 --> 00:06:59,590 Shut your fucking face Uncle fucker 125 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,555 You're an ass-licking Ball-sucking uncle-fucker 126 00:07:10,996 --> 00:07:12,315 Where have you been all day? 127 00:07:12,596 --> 00:07:15,429 Nowhere. We just went to go see the Terrance and Phillip movie. 128 00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:18,066 How'd you get in? 129 00:07:18,356 --> 00:07:20,665 Stop crowding us, shit-faced cockmasters! 130 00:07:22,236 --> 00:07:24,306 You're all ass-ramming uncle-fuckers. 131 00:07:25,956 --> 00:07:27,105 We've got to see this movie. 132 00:07:27,356 --> 00:07:29,586 Terrance and Phillip are Canadian, just like my brother. 133 00:07:32,916 --> 00:07:34,235 There's the girl that I like 134 00:07:34,756 --> 00:07:38,305 Tell about when Terrance called Phillip a testicle-shitting rectal wart. 135 00:07:38,556 --> 00:07:39,750 Now more than ever 136 00:07:39,996 --> 00:07:41,634 She gives me butterflies 137 00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:45,272 It makes my stomach queasy Every time she walks by 138 00:07:45,516 --> 00:07:46,835 Asshole, I'm talking to you. 139 00:07:47,076 --> 00:07:49,670 I know I can be cool lf I try 140 00:07:51,876 --> 00:07:53,389 Gross! 141 00:07:54,036 --> 00:07:56,311 Wendy, let us try to jump the hilly brush. 142 00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:57,831 Who are you? 143 00:07:58,076 --> 00:08:01,386 Gregory. I transferred from Yardale, where I had a 4.0 grade point average. 144 00:08:02,036 --> 00:08:03,025 Want to skate with us? 145 00:08:03,276 --> 00:08:06,473 We've been skating all morning, laughing and talking of memories past. 146 00:08:07,156 --> 00:08:08,555 We saw the Terrance and Phillip movie. 147 00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:11,184 Try and catch me, Wendy. 148 00:08:12,836 --> 00:08:14,235 Bye, Stan. 149 00:08:18,556 --> 00:08:21,593 I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie. Who wants to touch me? 150 00:08:21,796 --> 00:08:23,514 I said, who wants to fucking touch me? 151 00:08:25,596 --> 00:08:28,030 We gotta see the Terrance and Phillip movie too. 152 00:08:31,476 --> 00:08:33,114 I hate you, Kenny. 153 00:08:38,516 --> 00:08:39,835 Shut your fucking face Uncle fucker 154 00:08:40,076 --> 00:08:42,351 You're a boner-biting bastard Uncle fucker 155 00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:45,792 Okay, children, let's take our seats. 156 00:08:46,036 --> 00:08:47,947 We have a lot to learn today. 157 00:08:48,156 --> 00:08:49,635 We sure do, Mr. Hat. 158 00:08:50,236 --> 00:08:53,034 Let's start the day with a few new math problems. 159 00:08:53,276 --> 00:08:55,153 What is five times two? 160 00:08:56,716 --> 00:08:59,105 Don't be shy. Just give it your best shot. 161 00:09:00,196 --> 00:09:01,549 -Yes, Clyde. -Twelve? 162 00:09:01,796 --> 00:09:05,425 Now let's get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard. 163 00:09:05,676 --> 00:09:07,906 Anyone? Come on, don't be shy. 164 00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:10,226 I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison. 165 00:09:10,476 --> 00:09:13,070 -Shut up, fat boy! -Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew! 166 00:09:13,316 --> 00:09:16,114 -Eric! Did you just say the F-word? -"Jew"? 167 00:09:16,396 --> 00:09:18,785 You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat ass. 168 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:20,352 Why the fuck not? 169 00:09:21,036 --> 00:09:21,991 You said "fuck" again. 170 00:09:23,956 --> 00:09:26,629 What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckitty, fuck. 171 00:09:26,876 --> 00:09:28,946 How would you like to go see the counselor? 172 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,147 How would you like to suck my balls? 173 00:09:32,276 --> 00:09:33,675 What did you say?! 174 00:09:33,916 --> 00:09:37,272 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was... 175 00:09:37,756 --> 00:09:42,307 ... "How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?" 176 00:09:43,476 --> 00:09:44,511 Holy shit, dude. 177 00:09:47,356 --> 00:09:51,315 I'm disappointed in you boys. You should be ashamed of yourselves. 178 00:09:51,556 --> 00:09:53,194 I've called in your mothers-- 179 00:09:53,436 --> 00:09:54,835 -You called my mom? -That's right. 180 00:09:55,036 --> 00:09:56,025 Oh, no, dude! 181 00:09:56,316 --> 00:09:58,591 -Mr. Mackey, can I ask a question? -M'kay, what? 182 00:09:58,876 --> 00:10:00,195 What's the big fucking deal? 183 00:10:01,156 --> 00:10:04,626 I want to know where you heard these horrific obscenities, m'kay? 184 00:10:04,836 --> 00:10:08,226 -Nowhere. -We heard them from Mr. Garrison before. 185 00:10:08,636 --> 00:10:11,025 I seriously doubt that Mr. Garrison ever said... 186 00:10:11,276 --> 00:10:13,710 ... "Eat penguin shit, you ass-spelunker. " 187 00:10:15,076 --> 00:10:15,986 Sweet. 188 00:10:20,756 --> 00:10:22,553 Thank you for coming on short notice. 189 00:10:22,836 --> 00:10:24,030 This isn't like you, Stanley. 190 00:10:24,236 --> 00:10:27,353 What did my son say, Mr. Mackey? Did he say the S-word? 191 00:10:27,596 --> 00:10:29,075 No, it was worse than that. 192 00:10:29,316 --> 00:10:30,146 The F-word? 193 00:10:30,436 --> 00:10:33,508 Here's a short list of the things they've been saying. 194 00:10:33,756 --> 00:10:36,190 -Oh, dear God. -What the heck is a rim job? 195 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:40,588 When you put your legs behind your head and have someone lick your ass. 196 00:10:42,116 --> 00:10:46,951 Tell Mr. Mackey this instant where you heard all these horrible phrases! 197 00:10:47,596 --> 00:10:49,791 We all swore ourselves to secrecy. 198 00:10:50,036 --> 00:10:51,549 -The Terrance and Phillip movie. -Dude! 199 00:10:51,796 --> 00:10:53,149 I wanna get out of here. 200 00:10:53,436 --> 00:10:55,267 Terrance and Phillip? Those Canadians? 201 00:10:55,516 --> 00:10:57,347 Excuse me. What is Terrance and Phillip? 202 00:10:57,596 --> 00:11:00,747 Terrance and Phillip are two very untalented actors from Canada. 203 00:11:00,956 --> 00:11:03,151 Nothing but foul language and toilet humor! 204 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:07,548 I'll send a warning to parents before more children see Terrance and Phillip. 205 00:11:07,796 --> 00:11:08,785 Everybody's fucking seen it. 206 00:11:09,516 --> 00:11:12,792 I can't help myself. That movie has warped my fragile little mind. 207 00:11:19,796 --> 00:11:21,707 There's the girl that I like 208 00:11:23,476 --> 00:11:26,036 Over there laughing with that smart-- 209 00:11:26,236 --> 00:11:28,796 You're holding up the goddamn lunch line! 210 00:11:29,476 --> 00:11:31,068 Hello, there, children. 211 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,544 -Hey, Chef. -How's it going? 212 00:11:32,796 --> 00:11:33,831 -Bad. -Why bad? 213 00:11:34,076 --> 00:11:37,386 We got busted for swearing. We can't ever see that movie again. 214 00:11:37,636 --> 00:11:38,466 That's too bad. 215 00:11:38,716 --> 00:11:41,230 You should've seen Kyle when his mom showed up. He was scared. 216 00:11:41,476 --> 00:11:44,354 -Shut up, Cartman! -I'd be scared. Your mom's a bitch. 217 00:11:44,636 --> 00:11:46,069 Don't call her a bitch, you fat fuck! 218 00:11:46,356 --> 00:11:48,074 Don't call me fat, you fucking son of a bitch! 219 00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,625 Where did you learn to talk like that? 220 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,025 Pretty fucking sweet, huh? 221 00:11:52,316 --> 00:11:54,910 How do you make a woman like you more than any other guy? 222 00:11:55,396 --> 00:11:57,864 That's easy. You just gotta find the clitoris. 223 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:00,989 What does "find the clitoris" mean? 224 00:12:01,276 --> 00:12:02,629 Forget I said anything. 225 00:12:02,876 --> 00:12:04,707 Move along. You're holding up the line. 226 00:12:04,956 --> 00:12:07,026 Do you know where I can find the clitoris? 227 00:12:07,276 --> 00:12:09,392 -The what? -Is that like finding Jesus? 228 00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:10,870 Attention, students. 229 00:12:11,116 --> 00:12:13,949 We are now enforcing a new dress code at South Park Elementary. 230 00:12:14,156 --> 00:12:16,511 Terrance and Phillip shirts are not allowed in school. 231 00:12:16,796 --> 00:12:20,391 Anyone wearing a Terrance and Phillip shirt is to be sent home immediately. 232 00:12:21,676 --> 00:12:23,075 Hooray! 233 00:12:27,356 --> 00:12:30,632 The Canadian film Asses of Fire is number one at the box office. 234 00:12:30,836 --> 00:12:32,554 Is the film destroying American youth? 235 00:12:32,796 --> 00:12:35,105 Here with a special report is a midget in a bikini. 236 00:12:35,356 --> 00:12:38,792 The effects of the Canadian comedy are far-reaching indeed. 237 00:12:39,036 --> 00:12:43,234 All over America, children seem to be influenced, like at this spelling bee. 238 00:12:43,476 --> 00:12:45,353 This is for the silver medal. 239 00:12:45,676 --> 00:12:47,428 Spell "forensics. " 240 00:12:47,796 --> 00:12:49,912 Why should I fucking have to spell "forensics"? 241 00:12:51,236 --> 00:12:54,194 Here you go. S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S. 242 00:12:54,436 --> 00:12:55,630 Forensics. 243 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:59,789 The devastating impact of the duo can also be seen with their hit song... 244 00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:02,112 ... "Shut Your Fucking Face, Uncle Fucker. " 245 00:13:02,396 --> 00:13:04,352 Shut your fucking face Uncle fucker 246 00:13:04,876 --> 00:13:08,027 You're a boner-biting bastard Uncle fucker 247 00:13:08,596 --> 00:13:10,075 I told you that we won 't stop 248 00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:11,755 I told you that we won 't stop 249 00:13:11,996 --> 00:13:12,951 Back to you, Tom. 250 00:13:13,236 --> 00:13:14,555 Thanks. Shocking report. 251 00:13:14,756 --> 00:13:17,031 The controversy began in the town of South Park... 252 00:13:17,276 --> 00:13:19,426 ... where the PTA is trying to ban the movie. 253 00:13:19,676 --> 00:13:23,225 With us tonight is the head of the PTA, Sheila Broflovski. 254 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:26,030 -And the Canadian minister of movies. -Thanks for having me. 255 00:13:26,236 --> 00:13:29,592 Parents are concerned about your country's entertainment. 256 00:13:29,836 --> 00:13:31,633 The film isn 't intended for children-- 257 00:13:31,876 --> 00:13:33,628 But of course children will see it. 258 00:13:33,876 --> 00:13:36,436 Can I finish? We're surprised by your outrage. 259 00:13:36,676 --> 00:13:39,236 -You just don 't care! -Can I finish? Hello? 260 00:13:39,476 --> 00:13:41,944 The U. S. has graphic violence on TV all the time. 261 00:13:42,156 --> 00:13:44,431 We can 't believe a movie with foul language pisses you off. 262 00:13:44,636 --> 00:13:46,433 -Because it's evil! -Can I finish?! 263 00:13:46,676 --> 00:13:48,348 Please can I finish?! 264 00:13:49,276 --> 00:13:50,231 Okay, I'm finished. 265 00:13:50,516 --> 00:13:53,826 This film isn 't the first troublesome thing to come out of Canada. 266 00:13:54,076 --> 00:13:55,429 Let's not forget Bryan Adams. 267 00:13:55,636 --> 00:13:58,389 Our government's apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions. 268 00:13:58,596 --> 00:14:02,225 You Canadians are all the same, with your beady eyes and flapping heads. 269 00:14:02,476 --> 00:14:03,989 I resent that! I find that racist-- 270 00:14:04,236 --> 00:14:06,386 Our children are now addicted to your puke! 271 00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:07,551 You are a racist! 272 00:14:07,796 --> 00:14:12,506 It'll take us weeks to erase the damage this film has done to our children. 273 00:14:14,836 --> 00:14:18,306 Kids, I want to welcome you to rehabilitation, m'kay? 274 00:14:18,556 --> 00:14:20,945 Your mothers insisted you be taken from your schoolwork... 275 00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,625 ...and placed into rehab to learn not to swear. 276 00:14:23,876 --> 00:14:25,389 I don't belong with these rogues. 277 00:14:25,596 --> 00:14:28,030 I attended Yardale and had a 4.0 grade point average. 278 00:14:28,276 --> 00:14:30,585 -You're a fucking faggot. -M'kay, you see? 279 00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:34,715 This is what I'm talking about. We have to get you off of foul language. 280 00:14:34,956 --> 00:14:37,072 -How are we gonna do that? -Listen here. 281 00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:40,031 There are times when you get Suckered in 282 00:14:40,476 --> 00:14:43,752 By drugs and alcohol And sex with women, m 'kay? 283 00:14:43,996 --> 00:14:46,146 But it's when you Do these things too much 284 00:14:46,436 --> 00:14:50,987 That you've become an addict And must get back in touch 285 00:14:51,356 --> 00:14:54,109 You can do it It's all up to you, m 'kay 286 00:14:54,956 --> 00:14:58,346 With a little plan You can change your life today 287 00:14:58,676 --> 00:15:00,792 Don 't spend your life Addicted to smack 288 00:15:01,036 --> 00:15:02,788 Homeless Giving handjobs for crack 289 00:15:02,996 --> 00:15:06,591 Follow my plan And very soon you will say 290 00:15:06,836 --> 00:15:08,155 It's easy, m 'kay 291 00:15:09,036 --> 00:15:10,435 Instead of "ass" say "buns" 292 00:15:10,636 --> 00:15:12,831 Like "Kiss my buns" Or "You're a buns-hole" 293 00:15:13,036 --> 00:15:14,435 Instead of "shit" say "poo" 294 00:15:14,636 --> 00:15:16,831 As in "bull poo", "poo-head" And "This poo is cold" 295 00:15:17,036 --> 00:15:18,310 With "bitch" drop the "T" 296 00:15:18,556 --> 00:15:20,865 'Cause "bich" is Latin For generosity 297 00:15:21,116 --> 00:15:22,231 Don 't say "fuck" anymore 298 00:15:22,436 --> 00:15:24,552 'Cause "fuck" is the worst word That you can say 299 00:15:24,836 --> 00:15:26,792 So just use the word "m 'kay" 300 00:15:27,036 --> 00:15:29,470 We can do it It's all up to us, m 'kay 301 00:15:30,676 --> 00:15:32,667 With a little plan We can change our lives today 302 00:15:32,916 --> 00:15:34,315 You can change it today 303 00:15:34,556 --> 00:15:36,626 Don 't spend your life Shooting up in the trash 304 00:15:36,876 --> 00:15:38,628 Homeless Giving handjobs for cash 305 00:15:38,876 --> 00:15:41,515 Follow this plan And very soon you will say 306 00:15:41,756 --> 00:15:43,747 It's easy, m 'kay 307 00:15:44,516 --> 00:15:45,312 Step one 308 00:15:45,556 --> 00:15:47,194 -Say "buns" -Like "Kiss my buns" 309 00:15:47,436 --> 00:15:48,551 Or "You're a buns-hole" 310 00:15:48,796 --> 00:15:50,024 -Step two -Instead of "shit" say "poo" 311 00:15:50,236 --> 00:15:52,625 -As in "bull poo" -And "This poo is cold" 312 00:15:52,876 --> 00:15:54,150 -Step three -With "bitch" drop the "T" 313 00:15:54,356 --> 00:15:56,551 'Cause "bich" is Latin for generosity 314 00:15:56,796 --> 00:15:58,149 -Step four -Don 't say "fuck" anymore 315 00:15:58,436 --> 00:16:00,233 It's the worst word You can say 316 00:16:00,476 --> 00:16:02,148 "Fuck" is the worst word That you can say 317 00:16:02,356 --> 00:16:04,665 We shouldn 't say "fuck" Fuck no! 318 00:16:04,916 --> 00:16:06,065 You're cured, you can go 319 00:16:06,356 --> 00:16:08,312 Don 't spend your life Shooting up in the trash 320 00:16:08,556 --> 00:16:10,308 Homeless Giving handjobs for cash 321 00:16:10,556 --> 00:16:13,468 Follow this plan And very soon you will say 322 00:16:13,676 --> 00:16:15,189 It's easy, m 'kay 323 00:16:26,676 --> 00:16:31,192 Now you're cured. Take the rest of the afternoon off for personal reflection. 324 00:16:31,396 --> 00:16:35,150 Find your own constructive way to better yourself, m'kay? 325 00:16:37,036 --> 00:16:39,231 I hope you've learned something through this experience. 326 00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:42,673 I did. I learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart fuck-face. 327 00:16:44,716 --> 00:16:46,513 Want to see the northern lights? 328 00:16:48,916 --> 00:16:51,749 You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. 329 00:16:51,956 --> 00:16:53,787 I sure did, Phillip. 330 00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:57,992 Uncle fucker! Good night. 331 00:16:58,996 --> 00:17:01,510 Oh, man. This movie rules. 332 00:17:02,476 --> 00:17:05,309 Man, that movie gets better every time I see it. 333 00:17:05,596 --> 00:17:07,985 That part about lighting farts is bullshit. 334 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:09,589 -You can't do that. -Yes, you can. 335 00:17:09,956 --> 00:17:10,945 No way. 336 00:17:12,236 --> 00:17:15,706 Okay, Kenny. I'll bet you $100 you can't light a fart on fire. 337 00:17:21,956 --> 00:17:23,912 -Holy shit, dude! -Look out! 338 00:17:25,116 --> 00:17:26,549 Shit! Shit! 339 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,627 Help! Somebody do something! 340 00:17:28,876 --> 00:17:30,150 This stick is on fire! 341 00:17:36,116 --> 00:17:37,549 Oh, my God! You killed Kenny! 342 00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:38,666 You bastard! 343 00:17:38,996 --> 00:17:41,271 I guess you can light a fart on fire. 344 00:17:43,916 --> 00:17:46,146 Load that IV with 70cc's of sodium Pentothal. 345 00:17:46,396 --> 00:17:47,306 We called the parents. 346 00:17:47,636 --> 00:17:50,469 Our moms will find out we went to the movie again. 347 00:17:50,796 --> 00:17:51,831 Vacuum! 348 00:17:52,156 --> 00:17:54,112 Try to untangle his trachea and esophagus. 349 00:17:55,236 --> 00:17:56,954 No, that doesn't go there! 350 00:17:59,596 --> 00:18:01,234 -Gross, Stan! -That's sick! 351 00:18:01,516 --> 00:18:02,995 -Watch his liver! -I'll get it. 352 00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:06,391 We have little time left. We'll lose him soon. 353 00:18:06,676 --> 00:18:07,711 His heart stopped. 354 00:18:08,076 --> 00:18:09,953 Get it out of there. Zap this, quick! 355 00:18:12,556 --> 00:18:13,750 Who's making a potato? 356 00:18:14,316 --> 00:18:15,465 My bad. I missed lunch. 357 00:18:15,676 --> 00:18:18,144 Damn it, I'm not gonna lose this kid! 358 00:18:18,436 --> 00:18:20,392 Close him up. We've done all we can. 359 00:18:20,636 --> 00:18:23,025 The rest is up to God. 360 00:18:25,276 --> 00:18:26,755 Kenny, can you hear me? 361 00:18:27,116 --> 00:18:28,026 How are you feeling? 362 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,792 Great. Son, I have some bad news. 363 00:18:31,996 --> 00:18:35,705 We replaced your heart with a potato. You have three seconds to live. 364 00:18:37,876 --> 00:18:40,470 -Fucking weak, dude! -Oh, my God. They killed Kenny! 365 00:18:40,716 --> 00:18:41,705 You bastards! 366 00:18:41,956 --> 00:18:43,025 Damn it! 367 00:18:43,276 --> 00:18:46,586 It never gets any easier! 368 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:52,190 I bet him he couldn't do it. I bet him $100. 369 00:18:52,436 --> 00:18:55,667 -It's not your fault. -No, I'm stoked I don't have to pay. 370 00:18:55,916 --> 00:18:59,113 That's real nice! He was your friend, you fat fuck! 371 00:18:59,356 --> 00:19:02,075 So, boys, you saw that movie again? 372 00:19:02,996 --> 00:19:04,634 Well, Kyle, I have had it! 373 00:19:04,876 --> 00:19:07,026 You are grounded for the next two weeks! 374 00:19:08,116 --> 00:19:08,946 Grounded? 375 00:19:09,156 --> 00:19:10,635 And you, Stan. Come on. 376 00:19:10,836 --> 00:19:12,827 And you're grounded for three weeks, Eric. 377 00:19:13,076 --> 00:19:14,987 Why am I grounded more? That's bullshit. 378 00:19:15,236 --> 00:19:16,146 What, what, what?! 379 00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:18,745 What was that word, young man? 380 00:19:32,236 --> 00:19:34,750 Little boy at peace 381 00:19:35,156 --> 00:19:36,032 What is this place 382 00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:38,628 Beyond the stars 383 00:19:39,276 --> 00:19:41,506 Open up your eyes 384 00:19:41,956 --> 00:19:43,355 What are these things 385 00:19:43,596 --> 00:19:45,234 You're moving toward 386 00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:47,906 Head so full of wonder 387 00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:50,912 -Worries in the past 388 00:19:51,196 --> 00:19:53,585 Could it be That you are free at last 389 00:19:55,916 --> 00:19:56,871 No! 390 00:20:03,276 --> 00:20:04,914 Little boy, you're going to hell 391 00:20:05,836 --> 00:20:08,634 You said bad words, threw rocks at birds And now this is your hotel 392 00:20:08,836 --> 00:20:11,225 This ain 't Disneyland, it's hell 393 00:20:12,916 --> 00:20:14,747 Little boy, it's time for you to pay 394 00:20:15,436 --> 00:20:17,870 For not going to church And staring at boobs every day 395 00:20:18,116 --> 00:20:20,710 Thought you were in bed lnstead you're in hell 396 00:20:22,236 --> 00:20:25,228 No, hell isn 't good Hell isn 't good, hell 397 00:20:30,516 --> 00:20:31,995 Fuck-face, have you seen Gracie? 398 00:20:32,236 --> 00:20:35,546 There is orderliness in the universe. 399 00:20:48,556 --> 00:20:51,275 Parents, our children are out of control! 400 00:20:51,516 --> 00:20:55,145 This is what happens when toilet humor is allowed to run rampant! 401 00:20:55,356 --> 00:20:57,153 That's right. Kenny set himself on fire... 402 00:20:57,356 --> 00:21:00,109 ...because he saw Terrance and Phillip do it in that dirty movie. 403 00:21:00,316 --> 00:21:03,194 We must stop dirty language from getting to our children's ears. 404 00:21:03,436 --> 00:21:05,427 We must go fight the source of it! 405 00:21:05,636 --> 00:21:07,035 But what is the source? 406 00:21:07,236 --> 00:21:08,988 That's easy. 407 00:21:09,236 --> 00:21:11,830 Times have changed Our kids are getting worse 408 00:21:12,036 --> 00:21:14,834 They won 't obey their parents Theyjust want to fart and curse 409 00:21:15,036 --> 00:21:16,355 Should we blame the government 410 00:21:16,556 --> 00:21:17,830 Or blame society 411 00:21:18,036 --> 00:21:20,345 Or should we blame the images on TV 412 00:21:20,556 --> 00:21:22,148 No, blame Canada! 413 00:21:22,356 --> 00:21:23,391 Blame Canada 414 00:21:23,636 --> 00:21:26,673 With all their beady little eyes And flappin ' heads so full of lies 415 00:21:26,876 --> 00:21:28,025 Blame Canada 416 00:21:28,236 --> 00:21:29,555 Blame Canada 417 00:21:29,756 --> 00:21:32,145 -We need to form a full assault -It's Canada 's fault 418 00:21:33,636 --> 00:21:35,831 Don 't blame me for my son Stan 419 00:21:36,076 --> 00:21:39,113 He saw the darn cartoon And now he's off to join the Klan 420 00:21:39,316 --> 00:21:41,784 And my boy Eric once Had my picture on his shelf 421 00:21:42,036 --> 00:21:44,311 But now when I see him He tells me to fuck myself 422 00:21:44,516 --> 00:21:45,949 Well, blame Canada 423 00:21:46,156 --> 00:21:47,475 Blame Canada 424 00:21:47,676 --> 00:21:50,236 It seems that everything's gone wrong Since Canada came along 425 00:21:53,876 --> 00:21:56,834 They're not even a real country anyway 426 00:21:57,036 --> 00:22:00,028 My son could've been a doctor Or a lawyer rich and true 427 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:03,034 Instead he burned up like a piggy On a barbecue 428 00:22:03,236 --> 00:22:04,589 Should we blame the matches 429 00:22:04,796 --> 00:22:07,913 Should we blame the fire Or the doctors who allowed him to expire 430 00:22:08,116 --> 00:22:10,027 Heck, no! Blame Canada 431 00:22:10,236 --> 00:22:11,635 Blame Canada 432 00:22:11,876 --> 00:22:14,834 -With all their hockey hullabaloo -And that bitch Anne Murray too 433 00:22:18,956 --> 00:22:21,595 The smut and trash we must bash The laughs and fun must be undone 434 00:22:21,836 --> 00:22:23,110 We must lament and cause a fuss 435 00:22:23,316 --> 00:22:26,274 Before somebody thinks of blaming us 436 00:22:32,676 --> 00:22:34,951 All right, you turds, listen up! 437 00:22:35,156 --> 00:22:38,387 Your moms are at a meeting and they put me in charge of you. 438 00:22:38,636 --> 00:22:41,389 But you're still grounded, so you're not allowed to have any fun! 439 00:22:41,636 --> 00:22:42,671 Any questions? 440 00:22:42,876 --> 00:22:44,150 Shelley, where's the clitoris? 441 00:22:46,596 --> 00:22:49,030 You all sit there and keep your mouths shut... 442 00:22:49,236 --> 00:22:52,706 ...while I go listen to my Britney Spears records. 443 00:22:54,436 --> 00:22:55,266 Okay, it's clear! 444 00:22:57,396 --> 00:22:59,626 Our next guests have the number one movie in the world. 445 00:22:59,876 --> 00:23:02,436 Please welcome Terrance and Phillip! 446 00:23:05,716 --> 00:23:07,434 -Hello, Conan. -Hello, Brooke Shields. 447 00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:11,629 Some people claim that your Canadian humor is just immature fart jokes. 448 00:23:11,876 --> 00:23:14,788 That's not true. Take this classic Canadian joke. 449 00:23:16,036 --> 00:23:17,913 -Excuse me, Terrance. -Yes, Phillip? 450 00:23:20,236 --> 00:23:21,066 Gosh darn it! 451 00:23:22,556 --> 00:23:24,353 -Good one. Cheers. -Cheers, fuck-face. 452 00:23:24,556 --> 00:23:26,228 You can't say that on TV. 453 00:23:26,436 --> 00:23:28,472 Now Terrance smells like my ass. 454 00:23:28,716 --> 00:23:31,947 I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon. 455 00:23:35,476 --> 00:23:37,751 Does it make you nervous to be in America? 456 00:23:37,996 --> 00:23:41,147 Our organizations want you arrested for destroying children. 457 00:23:41,356 --> 00:23:43,995 -They'd have to find us first. -You're right. Now! 458 00:23:45,876 --> 00:23:50,313 Mothers Against Canada is placing you under citizen's arrest! 459 00:23:50,516 --> 00:23:52,074 -Mom? -What's going on? 460 00:23:52,276 --> 00:23:54,153 We have a court order for your arrest! 461 00:23:54,356 --> 00:23:55,755 Phillip, we've been ambushed! 462 00:23:55,956 --> 00:23:57,355 Here you go, Conan. 463 00:23:57,556 --> 00:24:00,628 This little scrotum-sucker deceived us! You are a bad man! 464 00:24:00,836 --> 00:24:01,746 Don't listen to them. 465 00:24:01,956 --> 00:24:04,311 You loved our movie, Conan. We watched it together. 466 00:24:04,516 --> 00:24:05,835 Remember? You laughed. 467 00:24:06,076 --> 00:24:07,987 What have I done? 468 00:24:15,756 --> 00:24:18,873 Did you see that? They arrested Terrance and Phillip! 469 00:24:24,076 --> 00:24:24,986 As Canadian ambassador... 470 00:24:25,236 --> 00:24:28,433 ...I condemn America's actions in apprehending Terrance and Phillip. 471 00:24:29,476 --> 00:24:32,627 The entire economy of Canada relies on Terrance and Phillip. 472 00:24:32,836 --> 00:24:34,428 Without them, we'd have a recession. 473 00:24:35,676 --> 00:24:37,553 What say you, Mr. American Ambassador? 474 00:24:40,516 --> 00:24:41,471 Fuck Canada! 475 00:24:41,676 --> 00:24:42,745 Fuck you, buddy! 476 00:24:42,956 --> 00:24:44,548 Terrance and Phillip will not be released. 477 00:24:44,756 --> 00:24:47,475 They'll be put on trial for corrupting America's youth. 478 00:24:47,716 --> 00:24:49,229 What's all the fuss about? 479 00:24:49,436 --> 00:24:53,429 The fuss is aboot taking our citizens! It's aboot not censoring our art! 480 00:24:53,636 --> 00:24:55,991 It's aboot-- What's so goddamn funny? 481 00:24:56,436 --> 00:25:00,509 Nothing. Could you tell us again what your argument is all about? 482 00:25:00,876 --> 00:25:04,186 This is not aboot diplomacy. This is aboot dignity. It's aboot respect. 483 00:25:04,436 --> 00:25:05,835 Aboot realizing that humor-- 484 00:25:07,356 --> 00:25:10,871 Release them, or we'll give you something to cry aboot! 485 00:25:23,676 --> 00:25:26,144 Pilot to bombardier. We're nearing the target. 486 00:25:26,396 --> 00:25:27,749 Bomb's ready, buddy. 487 00:25:27,996 --> 00:25:29,315 Baldwin residence. 488 00:25:29,876 --> 00:25:31,309 No, this is Billy Baldwin. 489 00:25:31,556 --> 00:25:34,389 If you want Daniel Baldwin, call his extension, stupid! 490 00:25:34,636 --> 00:25:37,230 Alec, do you know what sucks about being a Baldwin? 491 00:25:37,436 --> 00:25:39,791 -No. What? -Nothing! 492 00:25:46,596 --> 00:25:47,995 You missed me! 493 00:25:51,556 --> 00:25:55,993 Your mothers are making me throw away my lesson plan and teach theirs. 494 00:25:56,236 --> 00:25:58,306 How come our moms arrested Terrance and Phillip? 495 00:25:59,836 --> 00:26:03,192 Your moms are just upset. They're probably all on their periods. 496 00:26:03,436 --> 00:26:04,312 Not cool. 497 00:26:04,556 --> 00:26:07,514 Wendy and I think that was a sexist statement. 498 00:26:07,756 --> 00:26:11,431 Sorry, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. 499 00:26:12,196 --> 00:26:15,029 Anyway, children, let's start off with some vocabulary. 500 00:26:15,276 --> 00:26:16,311 Attention, students. 501 00:26:16,556 --> 00:26:17,386 What now? 502 00:26:17,636 --> 00:26:21,993 Come to the gymnasium immediately for a special announcement. 503 00:26:24,396 --> 00:26:26,705 -What's going on, Chef? -Something big, children. 504 00:26:26,956 --> 00:26:28,947 I can't find the clitoris. You have to help. 505 00:26:29,196 --> 00:26:30,515 Stan, the clitoris is-- 506 00:26:30,716 --> 00:26:32,911 Take your seats. They're about to announce it. 507 00:26:34,396 --> 00:26:35,875 This is a state of emergency. 508 00:26:36,116 --> 00:26:39,506 Now to the White House for an announcement from the President. 509 00:26:39,876 --> 00:26:41,150 My fellow Americans... 510 00:26:41,396 --> 00:26:45,912 ...at 5 a.m. today, a day which will live in infamy... 511 00:26:46,156 --> 00:26:49,068 ... the Canadians have bombed the Baldwins. 512 00:26:49,436 --> 00:26:53,952 In response to this, the U. S. has declared war on Canada. 513 00:26:56,076 --> 00:26:57,634 -Oh, no. -War? 514 00:26:57,876 --> 00:27:00,674 -No, Gregory, no! -This is bad. Hold on to me. 515 00:27:00,916 --> 00:27:02,429 All the Baldwins are dead? 516 00:27:02,676 --> 00:27:05,349 It's time for us to send a message to Canadians. 517 00:27:05,556 --> 00:27:08,753 In two days, the war criminals, Terrance and Phillip... 518 00:27:08,956 --> 00:27:10,594 ... will be executed. 519 00:27:11,356 --> 00:27:12,505 They're gonna kill them? 520 00:27:12,756 --> 00:27:16,146 And now I'd like to bring up my newly appointed Secretary of Offense... 521 00:27:16,356 --> 00:27:18,153 ...Ms. Sheila Broflovski. 522 00:27:18,556 --> 00:27:19,545 Holy shit, dude! 523 00:27:19,796 --> 00:27:20,945 My fellow Americans... 524 00:27:21,156 --> 00:27:24,944 ...our neighbor to the north has abused us for the last time! 525 00:27:25,156 --> 00:27:27,192 -I have a plan-- -Canadians want to fight us... 526 00:27:27,396 --> 00:27:30,229 ...because we won 't tolerate their potty-mouths. 527 00:27:30,476 --> 00:27:32,432 If it is war they want... 528 00:27:32,636 --> 00:27:35,070 ... then war they shall have! 529 00:27:37,036 --> 00:27:38,708 Dude, this is fucking weak. 530 00:27:38,956 --> 00:27:41,151 How could things be any worse? 531 00:27:51,876 --> 00:27:54,515 Fallen one, I am Satan. 532 00:27:54,756 --> 00:27:57,224 I am your god now. 533 00:27:59,916 --> 00:28:01,747 There is no escape. 534 00:28:05,036 --> 00:28:07,834 Now feel the delightful pain. 535 00:28:08,076 --> 00:28:08,952 Hey, Satan. 536 00:28:10,036 --> 00:28:13,312 Did you hear the news? A war just broke out up on Earth. 537 00:28:13,756 --> 00:28:16,987 Meet Saddam Hussein, my new partner in evil. 538 00:28:17,796 --> 00:28:19,229 You're hogging all the fun. 539 00:28:20,236 --> 00:28:22,875 Man, this is getting me so hot! 540 00:28:23,956 --> 00:28:25,628 Would you let me do my job? 541 00:28:25,876 --> 00:28:28,026 Rub my nipples while I torture this little piggy. 542 00:28:28,276 --> 00:28:30,426 Could I talk to you over here? 543 00:28:32,556 --> 00:28:35,912 I don't see why you have to belittle me in front of people like that. 544 00:28:36,156 --> 00:28:37,384 Relax, guy. 545 00:28:37,636 --> 00:28:40,104 Sometimes, I think you don't have any respect for me. 546 00:28:40,596 --> 00:28:42,154 Come here, guy. 547 00:28:43,476 --> 00:28:44,909 Who's my cream puff? 548 00:28:45,236 --> 00:28:47,352 -I am. -That's my baby. 549 00:28:51,236 --> 00:28:52,191 I don't wanna be at war. 550 00:28:52,436 --> 00:28:54,233 You think they'll kill Terrance and Phillip? 551 00:28:54,436 --> 00:28:57,394 Kyle, stop being a chicken shit and stand up to your mother. 552 00:28:57,636 --> 00:29:00,389 Smack her and say, "That's enough of your shit, you bitch! " 553 00:29:00,596 --> 00:29:02,268 Don't call my mom a bitch! 554 00:29:02,516 --> 00:29:05,826 Stop it! This isn't helping. We've gotta think. Let's see. 555 00:29:06,036 --> 00:29:09,665 -What would Brian Boitano do? -Yeah, what would Brian Boitano do? 556 00:29:12,756 --> 00:29:13,825 What's going on? 557 00:29:14,076 --> 00:29:16,510 America thinks it has the right to police the world. 558 00:29:16,756 --> 00:29:20,385 Your government will kill two Canadians, an action condemned by the U.N. 559 00:29:20,636 --> 00:29:22,069 Home of the free, indeed. 560 00:29:23,676 --> 00:29:25,314 Let's play tetherball. 561 00:29:25,516 --> 00:29:27,825 This is about freedom of speech! About censorship! 562 00:29:28,036 --> 00:29:29,151 Be more political... . 563 00:29:29,356 --> 00:29:31,312 There's the girl that I like 564 00:29:32,956 --> 00:29:36,551 Now it appears That she likes another guy 565 00:29:36,756 --> 00:29:40,510 It must be because He's political and stuff 566 00:29:41,636 --> 00:29:44,104 I bet I could be political too 567 00:29:44,356 --> 00:29:46,028 What do you think, Stan? 568 00:29:47,516 --> 00:29:48,346 Damn it! 569 00:29:48,596 --> 00:29:51,349 -This is all Kyle's mom's fault. -Shut up, Cartman! 570 00:29:51,596 --> 00:29:53,154 Kyle's mom started that damn club. 571 00:29:53,396 --> 00:29:57,435 -All because she's a fat, stupid bitch. -Don't say it, Cartman! 572 00:29:58,676 --> 00:30:00,394 Don't do it, Cartman. 573 00:30:01,956 --> 00:30:03,594 I'm warning you! 574 00:30:04,596 --> 00:30:06,587 I'm sick of him calling my mom a-- 575 00:30:06,836 --> 00:30:09,191 Kyle's mom 's a witch The biggest bitch in the world 576 00:30:09,436 --> 00:30:12,633 She's a stupid bitch She's a bitch to all the boys and girls 577 00:30:13,156 --> 00:30:15,306 Shut your fucking mouth, Cartman! 578 00:30:15,596 --> 00:30:18,190 Monday and Tuesday she's a bitch Wednesday to Saturday she's a bitch 579 00:30:18,436 --> 00:30:22,224 On Sundayjust to be different She's a super King Kamehameha bitch 580 00:30:22,596 --> 00:30:24,029 Come on, you all know the words. 581 00:30:24,276 --> 00:30:25,345 Have you met Kyle's mom 582 00:30:25,556 --> 00:30:26,830 She's the biggest bitch ln the world 583 00:30:27,116 --> 00:30:28,913 She's a mean old bitch And she has stupid hair 584 00:30:29,156 --> 00:30:30,066 She's a bitch bitch bitch 585 00:30:31,556 --> 00:30:32,466 She's a stupid bitch 586 00:30:33,236 --> 00:30:35,511 Kyle's mom 's a bitch And she's just a dirty bitch 587 00:30:35,996 --> 00:30:38,590 Talk to kids around the world It might go something like this 588 00:30:50,396 --> 00:30:51,590 Have you met Kyle's mom 589 00:30:51,836 --> 00:30:53,030 She's the biggest bitch ln the world 590 00:30:53,236 --> 00:30:54,874 She's a mean old bitch And she has stupid hair 591 00:30:55,156 --> 00:30:55,986 She's a bitch bitch bitch 592 00:30:57,756 --> 00:30:58,711 She's a stupid bitch 593 00:30:59,236 --> 00:31:01,909 Kyle's mom 's a bitch And she's just a dirty bitch 594 00:31:02,196 --> 00:31:04,869 I really mean it Kyle's mom 595 00:31:05,356 --> 00:31:09,144 She's a big fat fucking bitch 596 00:31:10,116 --> 00:31:12,949 Big old fat fucking bitch Kyle's mom 597 00:31:18,796 --> 00:31:19,990 What? 598 00:31:21,436 --> 00:31:23,313 Oh, fuck. 599 00:31:23,596 --> 00:31:25,746 Everyone, settle down. 600 00:31:25,956 --> 00:31:28,072 As we continue to send troops into Canada... 601 00:31:28,356 --> 00:31:31,632 ...M.A.C. is also fighting the war against potty-mouths here at home. 602 00:31:31,836 --> 00:31:35,829 Here to present the V-chip is Dr. Vosknocker. 603 00:31:38,716 --> 00:31:40,707 The machinery of the V-chip is very simple. 604 00:31:40,916 --> 00:31:42,554 It is placed under the child's skin... 605 00:31:42,756 --> 00:31:46,715 ...emitting a small shock of electricity whenever an obscenity is uttered. 606 00:31:46,916 --> 00:31:50,033 Wait a minute. This chip somehow knows if the child is swearing? 607 00:31:50,236 --> 00:31:51,305 It's like a lie detector. 608 00:31:51,516 --> 00:31:53,950 Certain things happen to you when you swear, just like when you lie. 609 00:31:54,476 --> 00:31:57,434 The chip picks up on this and gives the subject a little prick. 610 00:31:57,796 --> 00:32:00,435 Patient B-5, would you step out here, please? 611 00:32:00,676 --> 00:32:03,873 Patient B-5 here has been fitted with the new V-chip. 612 00:32:04,076 --> 00:32:04,906 My head hurts. 613 00:32:05,116 --> 00:32:08,711 Don't worry about that. Now, I want you to say "doggy. " 614 00:32:09,076 --> 00:32:09,906 Doggy. 615 00:32:10,116 --> 00:32:11,868 Notice that nothing happens. 616 00:32:12,076 --> 00:32:14,670 -Now say "Montana. " -Montana. 617 00:32:14,916 --> 00:32:15,712 Good. 618 00:32:15,916 --> 00:32:17,144 Now, "pillow. " 619 00:32:17,436 --> 00:32:18,505 Pillow. 620 00:32:18,796 --> 00:32:21,708 All right. Now I want you to say "horse-fucker. " 621 00:32:22,756 --> 00:32:24,428 Go ahead, Eric. It's all right. 622 00:32:24,716 --> 00:32:26,115 Horse-fuck-- 623 00:32:27,476 --> 00:32:28,909 That hurt, goddamn-- 624 00:32:29,196 --> 00:32:29,992 Fuck! 625 00:32:30,236 --> 00:32:32,909 Now I'd like you to say "big, floppy donkey dick. " 626 00:32:33,796 --> 00:32:36,594 Success! The child doesn't want to swear! 627 00:32:36,836 --> 00:32:38,588 This isn't fair, you sons of bitches! 628 00:32:38,836 --> 00:32:42,954 We will start putting V-chips in all our children next week! 629 00:32:45,636 --> 00:32:48,708 Snacky Smores presents: The March of War. 630 00:32:49,036 --> 00:32:50,264 Let's hear it for our boys. 631 00:32:50,476 --> 00:32:53,832 Clinton has called them to fight the evil Canadians. 632 00:32:54,076 --> 00:32:56,385 A full-scale attack was launched on Toronto... 633 00:32:56,596 --> 00:33:00,589 ...after the Canadians ' last bombing, which devastated the Arquettes. 634 00:33:00,836 --> 00:33:03,350 For security measures, our great government is rounding up... 635 00:33:03,556 --> 00:33:06,229 ...all citizens with Canadian blood and putting them into camps. 636 00:33:06,476 --> 00:33:09,991 Canadian-Americans are to report to one of these death camps right away. 637 00:33:10,196 --> 00:33:11,595 Did I say "death camps"? 638 00:33:11,836 --> 00:33:14,225 I meant happy camps, where you will eat the finest meals... 639 00:33:14,436 --> 00:33:16,586 ...have access to fabulous doctors and exercise regularly. 640 00:33:16,916 --> 00:33:20,591 Meanwhile, war criminals Terrance and Phillip are prepped for execution. 641 00:33:20,876 --> 00:33:22,195 Their execution will take place... 642 00:33:22,476 --> 00:33:25,752 ...during a fabulous USO show, with guest celebrities, including... 643 00:33:25,956 --> 00:33:27,912 ...Big Gay AI and Winona Ryder. 644 00:33:28,116 --> 00:33:31,904 Of course, the only way to see the USO show is to sign up for the Army! 645 00:33:32,116 --> 00:33:35,745 So join the Army and kill some Canadian scum as we continue... 646 00:33:35,956 --> 00:33:38,948 ... the march of war. Eat Snacky Smores. 647 00:33:42,036 --> 00:33:46,188 We must rid ourselves of anything Canadian. 648 00:33:47,676 --> 00:33:49,632 Don't you like Terrance and Phillip anymore? 649 00:33:49,836 --> 00:33:53,306 Course not! Mommy says I hate Canadians because they made me have a dirty mouth. 650 00:33:53,516 --> 00:33:54,232 Burn it all! 651 00:33:55,716 --> 00:33:57,308 -Hey, dudes. -What's the matter, Cartman? 652 00:33:57,596 --> 00:34:01,111 It's this V-chip. I hate it. I can't say any dirty words. 653 00:34:01,436 --> 00:34:02,869 -So you can't say "fuck"? -No. 654 00:34:03,156 --> 00:34:04,589 -And you can't say "shit"? -No. 655 00:34:05,036 --> 00:34:07,789 You can't say, "I'm Cartman, the fattest piece of shit in the world"? 656 00:34:08,036 --> 00:34:09,788 -Fuck you! -Dude. Sweet! 657 00:34:10,076 --> 00:34:13,193 This has gone far enough. It's time we talked to our moms. 658 00:34:13,396 --> 00:34:14,670 We're supposed to be grounded. 659 00:34:14,876 --> 00:34:17,026 Come on, it's time for us to get political. 660 00:34:17,316 --> 00:34:20,114 Canada will no longer corrupt our children! 661 00:34:20,396 --> 00:34:21,590 Mom, can I talk to you? 662 00:34:21,796 --> 00:34:24,435 Kyle, what are you doing here? You are grounded. 663 00:34:24,876 --> 00:34:26,832 Get back to the house and stay there! 664 00:34:27,076 --> 00:34:28,225 You too, Stanley. 665 00:34:28,476 --> 00:34:31,434 You're going too far. You can't kill Terrance and Phillip. 666 00:34:31,636 --> 00:34:33,627 We must fight for our children's futures! 667 00:34:33,876 --> 00:34:37,391 -You started a war. You have to stop it. -To make them safe again! 668 00:34:37,676 --> 00:34:39,826 Our children are precious. 669 00:34:40,036 --> 00:34:44,029 We must make a stand now! Stop at nothing! 670 00:34:44,716 --> 00:34:45,751 I told you she wouldn't listen. 671 00:34:45,996 --> 00:34:48,146 We'll have to save Terrance and Phillip ourselves. 672 00:34:48,436 --> 00:34:49,664 -What? -Think about it. 673 00:34:49,956 --> 00:34:50,945 What would Brian Boitano do? 674 00:34:51,156 --> 00:34:53,590 He'd rescue Terrance and Phillip before they're executed. 675 00:34:53,836 --> 00:34:56,396 We can't do anything. Our moms' organization is too strong. 676 00:34:56,636 --> 00:34:59,434 We'll round up all the grounded kids and start our own organization. 677 00:34:59,676 --> 00:35:01,507 An organization to help save Terrance and Phillip. 678 00:35:01,716 --> 00:35:03,672 Yeah, our own secret club. 679 00:35:03,876 --> 00:35:06,265 -I guess that could work. -We have to try. 680 00:35:06,476 --> 00:35:09,229 What would Brian Boitano do lf he was here right now 681 00:35:09,476 --> 00:35:12,707 He'd make a plan and follow through That's what Brian Boitano 'd do 682 00:35:12,916 --> 00:35:15,874 When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics Skating for the gold 683 00:35:16,076 --> 00:35:19,227 He did two salchows and a triple lutz While wearing a blindfold 684 00:35:19,436 --> 00:35:22,269 When Brian Boitano was in the Alps Fighting grizzly bears 685 00:35:22,476 --> 00:35:25,707 He used his magical fire breath And saved the maidens fair 686 00:35:25,916 --> 00:35:28,749 So what would Brian Boitano do lf he were here today 687 00:35:28,956 --> 00:35:32,392 I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two That's what Brian Boitano 'd do 688 00:35:32,636 --> 00:35:35,389 I want this V-chip out of me 689 00:35:35,676 --> 00:35:38,474 It has stunted my vocabulary 690 00:35:38,676 --> 00:35:41,986 And ljust want my mom To stop fighting everyone 691 00:35:42,236 --> 00:35:45,114 For Wendy, I'll be an activist That's what Brian Boitano 'd do 692 00:35:45,316 --> 00:35:48,388 That's what Brian Boitano 'd do He'd call the kids in town 693 00:35:48,596 --> 00:35:51,952 And tell them to unite for truth That's what Brian Boitano 'd do 694 00:35:52,236 --> 00:35:53,828 Someone say my name? 695 00:35:54,076 --> 00:35:56,226 -Who are you? -I'm Brian Dennehy. 696 00:35:56,436 --> 00:35:58,392 What? No, not fucking Brian Dennehy! 697 00:35:58,596 --> 00:36:00,314 Get the fuck out of here. 698 00:36:01,956 --> 00:36:04,675 When Brian Boitano traveled through time To the year 3010 699 00:36:05,196 --> 00:36:08,552 He fought the evil robot king To save the human race again 700 00:36:08,756 --> 00:36:11,145 When he built the pyramids He beat up Kublai Khan 701 00:36:11,756 --> 00:36:16,272 Because Brian Boitano Doesn 't take shit from anybody 702 00:36:16,996 --> 00:36:19,635 So let's all stick together And unite to stop our moms 703 00:36:19,876 --> 00:36:23,027 We'll save Terrance and Phillip too That's what Brian Boitano 'd do 704 00:36:23,276 --> 00:36:27,428 We'll save Terrance and Phillip too That's what Brian Boitano 'd do 705 00:36:28,076 --> 00:36:29,907 That's what Brian Boitano 'd do 706 00:36:34,836 --> 00:36:36,667 Hey, relax, guy. 707 00:36:36,876 --> 00:36:38,434 There's nothing on. 708 00:36:38,636 --> 00:36:40,433 You get cranky when you're tired. 709 00:36:40,636 --> 00:36:41,751 I'm not cranky. 710 00:36:41,956 --> 00:36:46,188 What started as a spat between the U. S. and Canada is turning into WWIll. 711 00:36:46,476 --> 00:36:47,704 World War Ill?! 712 00:36:47,916 --> 00:36:50,953 Terrance and Phillip will be put to death for crimes-- 713 00:36:52,076 --> 00:36:55,830 It has come to be. The Four Horsemen are drawing nigh. 714 00:36:56,076 --> 00:36:58,544 The time of prophecy is upon us. 715 00:36:58,756 --> 00:37:02,032 I love when you get biblical. You know exactly how to turn my crank. 716 00:37:02,236 --> 00:37:04,989 No, I'm being serious. It is the seventh sign. 717 00:37:05,196 --> 00:37:06,026 What? 718 00:37:06,236 --> 00:37:07,191 Behold... 719 00:37:07,436 --> 00:37:09,904 ...the first signs of my reign have all come true: 720 00:37:10,116 --> 00:37:12,676 The fall of an empire, the coming of a comet... 721 00:37:12,876 --> 00:37:16,585 ...and now, when the blood of these Canadians touches American soil... 722 00:37:17,276 --> 00:37:20,074 ...it will be our time to rise. 723 00:37:21,036 --> 00:37:23,869 Yeah, man, I'm getting so hot! Let's fuck! 724 00:37:24,076 --> 00:37:27,546 Do you always think about sex? I'm talking about important stuff here. 725 00:37:27,916 --> 00:37:30,794 I'm just excited about taking over the world! Come on! 726 00:37:31,076 --> 00:37:33,226 Is sex the only thing that matters to you? 727 00:37:33,516 --> 00:37:34,995 I love you. 728 00:37:36,076 --> 00:37:37,225 I want to believe that. 729 00:37:37,436 --> 00:37:40,234 What do you say we shut off that light and get close? 730 00:37:44,916 --> 00:37:47,384 You like that, don't you, bitch? 731 00:37:50,156 --> 00:37:52,989 We can use my dad's computer to call the kids together. 732 00:37:53,236 --> 00:37:55,545 Before we put a message out, do a search on "clitoris. " 733 00:37:58,276 --> 00:38:01,188 "Found: Eight million pages with the word 'clitoris.' " 734 00:38:01,436 --> 00:38:05,475 I'll just try the first one. "You must be 18 to enter this website. " 735 00:38:05,756 --> 00:38:07,633 "Welcome to German Sick Fetish Video. 736 00:38:07,916 --> 00:38:10,714 If you are under 18, do not--" Well, okay. 737 00:38:13,676 --> 00:38:15,075 It's a lady getting pooed on! 738 00:38:15,276 --> 00:38:17,426 -Is it Cartman's mom? -Very funny. 739 00:38:17,636 --> 00:38:18,989 It is Cartman's mom! 740 00:38:21,076 --> 00:38:23,032 Son of a bit--! 741 00:38:24,116 --> 00:38:25,708 Ike, you're too young for this stuff. 742 00:38:25,956 --> 00:38:26,752 Bullshitah. 743 00:38:26,956 --> 00:38:28,389 What's she doing now? 744 00:38:33,836 --> 00:38:35,155 Click it off, dude! 745 00:38:35,356 --> 00:38:36,948 What's wrong with German people? 746 00:38:37,156 --> 00:38:39,989 Let's do what we came here to do and put a message out. 747 00:38:40,196 --> 00:38:42,505 I've gotta put out an all-access e-mail. 748 00:38:42,796 --> 00:38:45,185 -Goddamn, your mom sucks! -Get to the message board! 749 00:38:45,436 --> 00:38:47,745 Can't find a Canadian server. I'll break into the mainframe. 750 00:38:48,676 --> 00:38:49,904 They've got an access code! 751 00:38:50,116 --> 00:38:51,947 I'll try to re-route the encryptions. 752 00:38:55,716 --> 00:38:58,276 Here we go. "Want to help Terrance and Phillip? 753 00:38:58,556 --> 00:39:02,390 Sneak out after you get tucked into bed tonight and meet at Carl's warehouse. " 754 00:39:02,636 --> 00:39:04,592 -Tell them we'll have punch and pie. -We're not. 755 00:39:04,876 --> 00:39:07,390 More people will come if they think we have punch and pie! 756 00:39:08,556 --> 00:39:10,035 "Punch and pie. 757 00:39:10,236 --> 00:39:13,148 This is top-secret. The password is... . " 758 00:39:13,676 --> 00:39:15,314 "La R�sistance. " 759 00:39:16,236 --> 00:39:18,067 So the draft will begin tomorrow... 760 00:39:18,276 --> 00:39:20,631 ...as more troops are needed to invade the Canadian border. 761 00:39:20,836 --> 00:39:23,828 The Canadian government pleads for a peaceful resolution... 762 00:39:24,036 --> 00:39:25,105 ...but we're not listening. 763 00:39:25,636 --> 00:39:26,671 Good night, hon. 764 00:39:26,876 --> 00:39:29,071 Mom, when will the war be over? 765 00:39:29,276 --> 00:39:33,747 I don't know, hon. Soon, we hope. You want it to end quickly, huh? 766 00:39:35,476 --> 00:39:37,307 -Mom? -Yes, hon? 767 00:39:37,516 --> 00:39:41,191 If you were in a German scheiBe video, you'd tell me, right? 768 00:39:42,316 --> 00:39:43,544 Sure, hon. Good night. 769 00:39:53,876 --> 00:39:54,752 There's a ghost! 770 00:39:56,476 --> 00:39:57,545 Kenny, is that you? 771 00:40:00,196 --> 00:40:01,675 Satan? Satan is coming here? 772 00:40:02,956 --> 00:40:05,072 Saddam Hussein? That doesn't make sense! 773 00:40:08,596 --> 00:40:09,472 Eric, what is it? 774 00:40:09,676 --> 00:40:10,950 I saw him! I saw Kenny! 775 00:40:11,156 --> 00:40:12,475 You poor dear. 776 00:40:12,676 --> 00:40:14,268 You've been through so much. 777 00:40:14,476 --> 00:40:17,229 I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire, and now he's pissed off. 778 00:40:17,516 --> 00:40:19,108 I can't say "pissed off"? 779 00:40:21,156 --> 00:40:23,306 The execution of Terrance and Phillip is imminent. 780 00:40:23,516 --> 00:40:26,553 Soon, Saddam and I will rule the world. 781 00:40:28,076 --> 00:40:30,749 I got some new luggage for our trip up to Earth. 782 00:40:30,956 --> 00:40:32,025 Let's fuck to celebrate! 783 00:40:32,236 --> 00:40:34,591 What's it like up on Earth? Tell me about it again. 784 00:40:34,876 --> 00:40:36,912 Let's not talk. Let's get busy. 785 00:40:37,196 --> 00:40:38,709 Remember when you first got here? 786 00:40:38,996 --> 00:40:41,829 We used to talk all night, until the sun came up. 787 00:40:42,116 --> 00:40:44,505 We would just lie in bed and talk. 788 00:40:44,796 --> 00:40:46,991 Because I was waiting to get you in bed. 789 00:40:47,276 --> 00:40:49,585 How come you always want to make love to me from behind? 790 00:40:49,796 --> 00:40:52,310 Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else? 791 00:40:52,516 --> 00:40:54,666 Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. 792 00:40:54,956 --> 00:40:57,026 Who am I gonna pretend you are? Liza Minnelli? 793 00:40:59,236 --> 00:41:01,272 Don't get all pissy! 794 00:41:08,436 --> 00:41:11,109 Sometimes I think 795 00:41:11,356 --> 00:41:13,950 When I look up real high 796 00:41:14,196 --> 00:41:17,029 That there's such a big world up there 797 00:41:17,276 --> 00:41:20,029 I'd like to give it a try 798 00:41:20,596 --> 00:41:22,507 But then I sink 799 00:41:22,756 --> 00:41:25,429 'Cause it's here I'm supposed to stay 800 00:41:25,676 --> 00:41:28,144 But I get so lonely down here 801 00:41:28,356 --> 00:41:31,985 Tell me, why's it have to be that way? 802 00:41:33,196 --> 00:41:35,505 Up there, there is so much room 803 00:41:35,876 --> 00:41:38,436 Where babies burp and flowers bloom 804 00:41:38,676 --> 00:41:41,509 Everyone dreams, I can dream too 805 00:41:41,756 --> 00:41:42,871 Up there 806 00:41:43,156 --> 00:41:46,387 Up where the skies are ocean blue 807 00:41:46,596 --> 00:41:50,066 I could be safe and live without a care 808 00:41:50,276 --> 00:41:52,915 Up there 809 00:41:53,676 --> 00:41:56,031 They say I don 't belong 810 00:41:56,316 --> 00:41:58,784 I must stay below alone 811 00:41:59,436 --> 00:42:01,074 Because of my beliefs 812 00:42:01,356 --> 00:42:04,632 I'm supposed to stay where evil is sown 813 00:42:06,036 --> 00:42:07,515 But what is evil anyway 814 00:42:07,796 --> 00:42:10,230 Is there reason to the rhyme 815 00:42:10,676 --> 00:42:12,507 Without evil there could be no good 816 00:42:12,796 --> 00:42:16,630 So it must be good to be evil sometimes 817 00:42:18,076 --> 00:42:20,636 Up there, there is so much room 818 00:42:20,916 --> 00:42:23,384 Where babies burp and flowers bloom 819 00:42:23,676 --> 00:42:25,906 Everyone dreams, I can dream too 820 00:42:26,716 --> 00:42:27,546 Up there 821 00:42:28,156 --> 00:42:31,353 Up where the skies are ocean blue 822 00:42:31,636 --> 00:42:35,265 I could be safe and live without a care 823 00:42:36,036 --> 00:42:38,152 Live without a care 824 00:42:38,676 --> 00:42:41,793 If only I could live up there 825 00:42:43,396 --> 00:42:45,705 I want to live, I want to live up 826 00:42:50,476 --> 00:42:54,264 I want to live up there 827 00:43:05,436 --> 00:43:07,028 -You're late! -I had to ride my bike here. 828 00:43:07,276 --> 00:43:09,312 -My behind is killing me. -Your "behind"? 829 00:43:09,516 --> 00:43:12,155 I have to say "behind" because I get shocked if I say "ass. " 830 00:43:12,476 --> 00:43:13,511 Did you bring the punch and pie? 831 00:43:13,716 --> 00:43:15,752 No. You guys, something happened. 832 00:43:16,036 --> 00:43:17,310 I don't think Kenny's dead. 833 00:43:18,236 --> 00:43:19,225 I saw him in my room. 834 00:43:19,436 --> 00:43:21,552 I know, Cartman. I see Kenny every day. 835 00:43:21,756 --> 00:43:22,825 -You do? -Sure, dude. 836 00:43:23,036 --> 00:43:26,028 On the face of every child, on the smile of every baby. 837 00:43:26,436 --> 00:43:29,553 This was Kenny! He said that if Terrance and Phillip die... 838 00:43:29,836 --> 00:43:32,953 ...Saddam Hussein and Satan will come up and rule the world! 839 00:43:33,156 --> 00:43:34,509 Saddam Hussein? 840 00:43:39,196 --> 00:43:39,992 Who is it? 841 00:43:40,436 --> 00:43:41,755 I'm here for La R�sistance. 842 00:43:41,956 --> 00:43:42,832 What's the password? 843 00:43:43,036 --> 00:43:44,151 I don't know. 844 00:43:44,356 --> 00:43:45,471 Guess. 845 00:43:46,396 --> 00:43:47,590 Bacon. 846 00:43:50,476 --> 00:43:52,353 Viva La R�sistance ! 847 00:43:52,636 --> 00:43:53,751 Oh, no! It's that kid! 848 00:43:53,956 --> 00:43:55,309 This is the place. 849 00:43:56,076 --> 00:43:58,067 Stan? You started La R�sistance ? 850 00:43:59,356 --> 00:44:01,153 You're more political than we thought. 851 00:44:01,396 --> 00:44:03,751 Let us get this meeting underway. Many others are coming. 852 00:44:06,756 --> 00:44:07,871 A lot of people showed up. 853 00:44:11,116 --> 00:44:15,587 Terrance and Phillip are supposed to be killed, and we think that sucks ass! 854 00:44:18,276 --> 00:44:20,744 We were to understand there'd be pie and punch. 855 00:44:20,956 --> 00:44:21,786 There isn't any. 856 00:44:25,916 --> 00:44:28,066 Terrance and Phillip are supposed to be killed... 857 00:44:28,356 --> 00:44:30,426 ...so we should prank call a bunch of policemen... 858 00:44:30,636 --> 00:44:32,831 ...and have pizzas sent to them that they didn't order. 859 00:44:33,036 --> 00:44:34,913 Viva La R�sistance ! 860 00:44:37,796 --> 00:44:39,115 -May l? -What? 861 00:44:39,716 --> 00:44:43,106 Terrance and Phillip are being held in a camp two kilometers from town. 862 00:44:43,316 --> 00:44:45,955 They are to be executed tomorrow during a star-studded USO show. 863 00:44:46,156 --> 00:44:47,032 Tomorrow? 864 00:44:47,236 --> 00:44:48,635 Once the show begins, we'll have an hour... 865 00:44:48,836 --> 00:44:51,031 ...to get them out of their cell and into this clearing. 866 00:44:51,276 --> 00:44:54,473 There, we will rendezvous and take them back to Canada. 867 00:44:54,676 --> 00:44:56,587 Dude, Wendy's new guy is smart. 868 00:44:56,836 --> 00:44:58,827 Meet me at the rendezvous point at 10 p.m. 869 00:44:59,036 --> 00:45:01,709 Sneaking in and breaking them out will be dangerous... 870 00:45:01,996 --> 00:45:02,872 ...so I'll go myself. 871 00:45:04,396 --> 00:45:05,511 No! We're going! 872 00:45:06,556 --> 00:45:09,628 We started La R�sistance. We'll get them and meet at the rendezvous point. 873 00:45:09,836 --> 00:45:12,225 This will be very dangerous. Are you quite sure? 874 00:45:12,436 --> 00:45:13,266 Fuck that! 875 00:45:13,476 --> 00:45:17,594 Do you want that V-chip in you forever? We'll go. Let's run through the plan. 876 00:45:27,276 --> 00:45:31,986 Oh, boy! Military action, Ned! Let's kill us some goddamn Australians! 877 00:45:32,196 --> 00:45:34,232 I think we're fighting Canadians. 878 00:45:34,476 --> 00:45:36,353 Canadians, Australians, what's the difference? 879 00:45:36,556 --> 00:45:40,788 This uniform makes me feel like a tough, brute man, Mr. Hat. 880 00:45:40,996 --> 00:45:42,634 It sure does, Mr. Garrison. 881 00:45:42,876 --> 00:45:44,628 I can't wait for our first shore leave... 882 00:45:44,876 --> 00:45:47,834 ...so I can get me some fucking poon tang. 883 00:45:48,276 --> 00:45:52,235 Pay attention! Tomorrow night is the USO show for all you troops. 884 00:45:52,436 --> 00:45:55,633 There will be celebrities, followed by the execution of Terrance and Phillip. 885 00:45:57,516 --> 00:46:01,395 After the show, we will finally be sending ground troops into Canada. 886 00:46:01,636 --> 00:46:02,751 So let's strategize. 887 00:46:02,956 --> 00:46:03,991 Map! 888 00:46:04,716 --> 00:46:06,627 Our sources have told us that the Canadians... 889 00:46:06,916 --> 00:46:09,714 ...are preparing for our invasion, so we must use caution. 890 00:46:09,916 --> 00:46:11,986 Each battalion has a specific code name and mission. 891 00:46:12,196 --> 00:46:13,868 Battalion 5, raise your hands. 892 00:46:14,476 --> 00:46:16,751 You will be the all-important first attack wave... 893 00:46:16,956 --> 00:46:19,151 ...which we will call "Operation Human Shield. " 894 00:46:19,556 --> 00:46:20,625 Wait a minute! 895 00:46:20,836 --> 00:46:23,589 Keep in mind Operation Human Shield will suffer heavy losses. 896 00:46:23,836 --> 00:46:25,588 Battalion 14? 897 00:46:25,836 --> 00:46:28,270 Right. You are Operation Get-Behind-the-Darkies. 898 00:46:28,476 --> 00:46:31,786 You will follow Battalion 5. Try not to get killed, for God's sake. 899 00:46:32,076 --> 00:46:33,395 Are there any questions? 900 00:46:34,036 --> 00:46:34,832 Yes, soldier. 901 00:46:35,036 --> 00:46:36,992 Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation? 902 00:46:37,596 --> 00:46:38,870 I don't listen to hip-hop. 903 00:46:39,276 --> 00:46:43,155 After that, we will march into the heart of Canada, and we will-- 904 00:46:43,356 --> 00:46:44,948 I'm gonna get you! 905 00:46:45,156 --> 00:46:46,748 What's wrong with this thing? 906 00:46:47,596 --> 00:46:49,109 It's fucking Windows 98! 907 00:46:49,316 --> 00:46:50,465 Get Bill Gates in here! 908 00:46:54,076 --> 00:46:57,751 You told us Windows 98 would be faster, with better access to the lnternet! 909 00:46:58,076 --> 00:46:59,873 It is faster. Over 5 million-- 910 00:47:01,356 --> 00:47:02,869 All right, men, get lots of rest... 911 00:47:03,076 --> 00:47:05,636 ...and prepare to... . 912 00:47:08,596 --> 00:47:10,791 After you have Terrance and Phillip, make your way to this ridge. 913 00:47:10,996 --> 00:47:12,827 We will wait for you. But not for long. 914 00:47:13,076 --> 00:47:14,828 So if you're not there at 10, we'll have to leave. 915 00:47:15,476 --> 00:47:18,434 You're brave, but you'll need help from someone who's done this before. 916 00:47:18,676 --> 00:47:20,314 Here's the address of "The Mole. " 917 00:47:21,356 --> 00:47:25,065 He is an expert in covert operations. Your first task will be obtaining him. 918 00:47:25,276 --> 00:47:29,633 Get lots of sleep. Tomorrow we will all be risking our lives for freedom. 919 00:47:29,836 --> 00:47:33,431 God has smiled upon you this day 920 00:47:34,396 --> 00:47:38,674 The fate of a nation in your hands 921 00:47:39,116 --> 00:47:41,346 And blessed be the children here 922 00:47:41,636 --> 00:47:44,070 Who fight with all our bravery 923 00:47:44,356 --> 00:47:48,508 Till only the righteous stand 924 00:47:49,076 --> 00:47:52,148 You see the distant flames They bellow in the night 925 00:47:52,356 --> 00:47:55,473 You fight in all our names For what we know is right 926 00:47:55,676 --> 00:47:58,395 And when you all get shot And cannot carry on 927 00:47:58,676 --> 00:48:01,270 Though you die, La R�sistance lives on 928 00:48:01,916 --> 00:48:04,749 You may get stabbed in the head With a dagger or a sword 929 00:48:05,036 --> 00:48:08,153 You may be burned to death Or skinned alive or worse 930 00:48:08,356 --> 00:48:11,154 But when they torture you You will not feel the need to run 931 00:48:11,356 --> 00:48:14,075 For though you die, La R�sistance lives on 932 00:48:14,316 --> 00:48:17,149 Blame Canada Blame Canada 933 00:48:17,356 --> 00:48:20,268 Because the country's gone awry Tomorrow night these freaks will fry 934 00:48:21,476 --> 00:48:24,070 Tomorrow night Our lives will change 935 00:48:24,436 --> 00:48:27,155 Tomorrow night We'll be entertained 936 00:48:27,476 --> 00:48:30,991 An execution, what a sight Tomorrow night 937 00:48:31,236 --> 00:48:33,830 Up there, there's so much room Where babies burp and flowers bloom 938 00:48:34,036 --> 00:48:36,948 Tomorrow night up there is doomed And so I will be going soon 939 00:48:37,156 --> 00:48:39,272 Shut your fucking face Uncle fucker 940 00:48:39,556 --> 00:48:42,389 You're a boner-biting bastard Uncle fucker 941 00:48:42,836 --> 00:48:45,953 -Looks like we may be out of luck -Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked 942 00:48:46,156 --> 00:48:48,511 Why did our mothers start this war What the fuck are they fighting for 943 00:48:48,796 --> 00:48:50,434 When did this song become a marathon 944 00:48:51,676 --> 00:48:54,395 When Canada is dead and gone There'll be no more Celine Dion 945 00:48:54,636 --> 00:48:57,104 They may cut your dick in half And serve it to a pig 946 00:48:57,316 --> 00:49:00,069 And though it hurts, you'll laugh And dance a dickless jig 947 00:49:00,796 --> 00:49:03,026 That's the way it goes ln war you're shat upon 948 00:49:03,316 --> 00:49:06,433 Though you die La R�sistance lives on 949 00:49:18,916 --> 00:49:22,431 I'm so excited. Just one more day until we can take over the world. 950 00:49:22,676 --> 00:49:24,985 I don't know if I can sleep, if you know what I mean. 951 00:49:25,196 --> 00:49:28,791 This book talks about how people communicate differently. 952 00:49:28,996 --> 00:49:32,113 I communicate by wanting you to ask me questions, and you-- 953 00:49:32,316 --> 00:49:34,466 That is interesting. Let's fuck! 954 00:49:34,756 --> 00:49:38,431 Saddam, I'm trying to have a nice conversation with you! 955 00:49:39,196 --> 00:49:41,426 Now that is just not appropriate! 956 00:49:41,716 --> 00:49:44,435 Come on, I'm just fucking with you! It's not real! 957 00:49:44,716 --> 00:49:47,788 -Well, that's still not appropriate. -Hey, daddy. 958 00:49:48,676 --> 00:49:50,792 It's not real, either! Come on, guy! 959 00:49:57,236 --> 00:49:59,989 Soon the world will belong to me. 960 00:50:02,436 --> 00:50:05,633 It's Saddam. He doesn't nurture my emotions. 961 00:50:05,876 --> 00:50:09,027 He just wants sex and can't learn to communicate. 962 00:50:10,276 --> 00:50:12,995 You're right. I should leave him. I'll tell him... 963 00:50:13,236 --> 00:50:15,704 ... "Saddam, I'm going to Earth to rule alone! " 964 00:50:15,916 --> 00:50:18,908 I'm strong and I don't need him! 965 00:50:22,716 --> 00:50:24,593 Today's the day for the USO show 966 00:50:24,876 --> 00:50:26,434 We're so happy we get to go 967 00:50:26,876 --> 00:50:28,787 I don 't know but I've been told 968 00:50:29,036 --> 00:50:30,435 Canadian pussy is mighty cold 969 00:50:30,636 --> 00:50:32,592 Stay in the attic, because if they find you... 970 00:50:32,876 --> 00:50:34,548 ...they'll put you in a concentration camp. 971 00:50:36,076 --> 00:50:38,032 Don't worry. We'll put an end to this. 972 00:50:38,276 --> 00:50:41,393 Then I'll make Mom come home, and we'll all be a family again. 973 00:51:03,076 --> 00:51:04,714 We need to speak with The Mole. 974 00:51:05,076 --> 00:51:08,625 I'm sorry. The Mole is grounded. He can't come out and play. 975 00:51:08,836 --> 00:51:09,871 -What?! -He's a kid? 976 00:51:10,076 --> 00:51:12,112 He said very naughty things about God. 977 00:51:12,316 --> 00:51:14,591 Can we just talk to him for five seconds? 978 00:51:14,836 --> 00:51:17,748 Well, all right. Christophe! 979 00:51:19,356 --> 00:51:22,314 We're gonna rescue Terrance and Phillip from the USO show-- 980 00:51:23,156 --> 00:51:23,952 Who sent you? 981 00:51:24,156 --> 00:51:25,794 Gregory! He said you could sneak us in. 982 00:51:25,996 --> 00:51:28,226 Are you telling me you intend to break into the USO show... 983 00:51:28,476 --> 00:51:31,434 ...filled with thousands of soldiers and break out Terrance and Phillip? 984 00:51:31,676 --> 00:51:33,268 I thought it was a stupid idea too. 985 00:51:33,556 --> 00:51:36,832 We're La R�sistance. We wanna save Terrance and Phillip and stop the war. 986 00:51:37,076 --> 00:51:39,795 I can't help you. I'm grounded for the next three days. 987 00:51:39,996 --> 00:51:42,112 So are we. Our parents think we're home right now. 988 00:51:42,316 --> 00:51:43,635 -Why are you grounded? -Why? 989 00:51:43,876 --> 00:51:46,788 Because God hates me. He has made my life miserable. 990 00:51:46,996 --> 00:51:49,464 So I call Him a cocksucking asshole, and I get grounded. 991 00:51:49,676 --> 00:51:51,348 -So will you help us? -Very well. 992 00:51:51,556 --> 00:51:54,354 Meet me in the backyard in five minutes. Viva La R�sistance. 993 00:51:54,556 --> 00:51:56,228 We'll show God that we won't fucking-- 994 00:51:56,436 --> 00:51:57,835 What? Christophe, get in here! 995 00:51:58,036 --> 00:51:59,389 Coming, mother. 996 00:52:00,636 --> 00:52:03,355 I must be strong. I must be strong. 997 00:52:03,836 --> 00:52:05,633 Saddam, I need to talk to you. 998 00:52:05,836 --> 00:52:09,431 Get packing, bitch. We have to go! We're running out of time! 999 00:52:09,676 --> 00:52:12,748 Saddam, sometimes you can love a person very much... 1000 00:52:12,956 --> 00:52:14,674 ...but still know they aren't right for you. 1001 00:52:14,876 --> 00:52:16,389 What are you talking about? 1002 00:52:16,636 --> 00:52:18,831 You treat me like shit! I'm leaving you! 1003 00:52:19,036 --> 00:52:20,913 I'm going up to Earth to rule alone. 1004 00:52:21,916 --> 00:52:23,588 No! No, you can't do that! 1005 00:52:23,836 --> 00:52:25,872 I'm sorry, but I have to be strong. 1006 00:52:26,076 --> 00:52:28,590 Give me another chance! I have to go to Earth! 1007 00:52:28,836 --> 00:52:30,110 You don't have respect for me! 1008 00:52:30,316 --> 00:52:32,671 Sure I do, guy. Please just hear me out. 1009 00:52:36,596 --> 00:52:39,713 Some people say that I'm a bad guy 1010 00:52:39,996 --> 00:52:42,464 They may be right They may be right 1011 00:52:43,396 --> 00:52:46,627 But it's not as if I don 't try 1012 00:52:46,836 --> 00:52:49,225 Ijust fuck up, try as I might 1013 00:52:49,796 --> 00:52:51,832 But I can change, I can change 1014 00:52:52,076 --> 00:52:55,068 I can learn to keep my promises I swear it 1015 00:52:55,276 --> 00:52:56,948 I'll open up my heart And I will share it 1016 00:52:57,156 --> 00:52:59,147 Any minute now, I will be born again 1017 00:53:00,636 --> 00:53:02,513 Yes I can change, I can change 1018 00:53:02,716 --> 00:53:05,105 I know I've been A dirty little bastard 1019 00:53:05,676 --> 00:53:07,746 I like to kill, I like to maim I'm insane, but it's okay 1020 00:53:07,956 --> 00:53:09,184 'Cause I can change 1021 00:53:10,636 --> 00:53:12,831 It's not my fault that I'm so evil 1022 00:53:13,036 --> 00:53:15,425 It's society, society 1023 00:53:16,436 --> 00:53:18,552 You see my parents Were sometimes abusive 1024 00:53:18,836 --> 00:53:20,906 And it made a prick of me 1025 00:53:21,396 --> 00:53:23,148 But I can change, I can change 1026 00:53:23,436 --> 00:53:25,552 What if you remain A sandy little butthole 1027 00:53:25,756 --> 00:53:29,226 Don 't be such a twit Mother Teresa won 't have shit on me 1028 00:53:29,556 --> 00:53:31,865 Just watch me change Here I go. I'm changing! 1029 00:53:54,996 --> 00:53:56,634 You see, I've really matured. 1030 00:53:56,836 --> 00:53:58,110 All right. 1031 00:53:59,236 --> 00:54:00,669 Come on, we have to hurry. 1032 00:54:01,076 --> 00:54:01,986 I love you. 1033 00:54:05,796 --> 00:54:08,026 Ladies and gentlemen of the American Army... 1034 00:54:08,276 --> 00:54:10,790 ... welcome to the USO show. 1035 00:54:11,636 --> 00:54:14,230 Get ready for loads of entertainment and fabulous celebrities... 1036 00:54:14,476 --> 00:54:18,230 ...followed immediately by the execution of Terrance and Phillip. 1037 00:54:23,036 --> 00:54:26,551 This is where those military bitches intend to kill Terrance and Phillip. 1038 00:54:26,756 --> 00:54:27,552 Oh, my God! 1039 00:54:27,756 --> 00:54:29,792 God? He is the biggest bitch of them all. 1040 00:54:30,036 --> 00:54:32,630 Hurry. We rendezvous with the other kids at 10. 1041 00:54:34,116 --> 00:54:37,233 You realize we could be grounded for two, even three weeks. 1042 00:54:37,436 --> 00:54:39,586 -We're willing to take that risk. -Let's go. 1043 00:54:39,836 --> 00:54:43,511 And now, here are your hosts for the evening, Sheila Broflovski... 1044 00:54:43,716 --> 00:54:45,672 ...and Big Gay Al. 1045 00:54:47,876 --> 00:54:50,515 Al, tonight is a very special night. Do you know why? 1046 00:54:50,796 --> 00:54:52,388 They're having a sale at Merv's? 1047 00:54:53,716 --> 00:54:56,435 No. Because we're going to abolish Canadian smut. 1048 00:54:57,036 --> 00:54:59,869 That's right, Sheila. Bring out the condemned. 1049 00:55:04,156 --> 00:55:07,068 Today is a great day for democracy! 1050 00:55:08,956 --> 00:55:13,029 This is worse than when you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture. 1051 00:55:13,236 --> 00:55:14,589 I know, Terrance. I know. 1052 00:55:14,836 --> 00:55:18,829 While you're getting set up over there, let's bring out our first act: 1053 00:55:19,076 --> 00:55:21,431 Yippie, the back-flipping dog! 1054 00:55:33,436 --> 00:55:34,915 Be careful not to touch this wire. 1055 00:55:36,196 --> 00:55:38,027 Motherfuck-- 1056 00:55:38,276 --> 00:55:39,709 Fuck. 1057 00:55:44,916 --> 00:55:47,430 The show has started. We're running out of time. 1058 00:55:48,276 --> 00:55:49,345 Do you see Terrance and Phillip? 1059 00:55:49,556 --> 00:55:51,433 Yes, but they are heavily guarded. 1060 00:55:52,076 --> 00:55:53,555 Dig from here, so as not to be seen. 1061 00:55:53,756 --> 00:55:55,189 Come on, bitches. 1062 00:55:56,756 --> 00:55:58,428 Mole, do you know where the clitoris is? 1063 00:55:58,676 --> 00:55:59,745 -The what? -The clitoris. 1064 00:55:59,956 --> 00:56:02,231 I have to find it, so I can get Wendy to like me. 1065 00:56:02,476 --> 00:56:04,068 Stop thinking with your dick! 1066 00:56:04,276 --> 00:56:06,551 Be on your toes, because I won't be grounded again! 1067 00:56:06,756 --> 00:56:07,950 Not for you! Not for anybody! 1068 00:56:08,756 --> 00:56:11,509 Men, when you're out there in the battlefield... 1069 00:56:11,716 --> 00:56:13,832 ...and you're looking into the beady eyes of a Canadian... 1070 00:56:14,116 --> 00:56:16,755 ...as he charges you with his hockey stick or whatever he has... 1071 00:56:16,956 --> 00:56:21,427 ...and people are dying all around you, just remember what the MPAA says: 1072 00:56:21,636 --> 00:56:26,551 "Deplorable violence is okay as long as people don't say any naughty words. " 1073 00:56:26,876 --> 00:56:29,674 That is what this war is all about. 1074 00:56:31,076 --> 00:56:32,225 What? 1075 00:56:34,396 --> 00:56:35,431 Shit! 1076 00:56:37,356 --> 00:56:38,391 Move, move. 1077 00:56:40,716 --> 00:56:42,832 We will split up here. Let's synchronize watches. 1078 00:56:43,756 --> 00:56:45,587 -We don't have watches. -You don't? 1079 00:56:45,836 --> 00:56:47,747 -You didn't say anything about watches. -What do you think this is? 1080 00:56:47,956 --> 00:56:51,187 TV kiddie hour where we sit around and lick Barney the Dinosaur's pussy? 1081 00:56:51,396 --> 00:56:53,193 This is real life, with consequences you take to the grave. 1082 00:56:53,396 --> 00:56:54,909 -We don't have watches. -Shit! 1083 00:56:55,116 --> 00:56:56,231 -Did you bring the mirror? -Got it. 1084 00:56:56,476 --> 00:56:57,625 -And the rope? -Check. 1085 00:56:57,836 --> 00:56:59,554 -And the buttfor? -What's a "buttfor"? 1086 00:56:59,756 --> 00:57:01,667 For pooping, silly. 1087 00:57:03,276 --> 00:57:06,871 I'll dig under the stage. With that bedrock, I'll need more time. 1088 00:57:07,076 --> 00:57:09,544 Stan and Kyle, stall the show anyway you can. 1089 00:57:09,756 --> 00:57:11,986 Keep that show going until I get the prisoners. 1090 00:57:12,756 --> 00:57:14,508 Cartman, over there is the electrical box. 1091 00:57:14,716 --> 00:57:17,230 Shut it off before I return with Terrance and Phillip... 1092 00:57:17,436 --> 00:57:19,870 ...or the alarm will sound and I'll be attacked by dogs. 1093 00:57:20,116 --> 00:57:20,946 Got it? 1094 00:57:21,156 --> 00:57:23,590 You must shut off the alarms. I fucking hate guard dogs! 1095 00:57:23,836 --> 00:57:25,952 I heard you, you British piece of shit. 1096 00:57:26,156 --> 00:57:28,590 If anything goes wrong, make a sound like a dying giraffe. 1097 00:57:28,836 --> 00:57:30,189 What's a dying giraffe sound like? 1098 00:57:34,516 --> 00:57:36,074 -Let's go. -Be careful, dude. 1099 00:57:36,276 --> 00:57:38,836 Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart... 1100 00:57:39,036 --> 00:57:41,789 ...with a clothes hanger, while I was still in the womb? 1101 00:57:45,796 --> 00:57:47,548 Damn, that kid is fucked up. 1102 00:57:47,796 --> 00:57:49,195 How are those chairs coming? 1103 00:57:49,636 --> 00:57:51,627 Al, we're minutes away. 1104 00:57:51,836 --> 00:57:56,546 Super. Here is pint-sized pixie and darling of the indie movie scene... 1105 00:57:56,876 --> 00:57:58,946 ...Winona Ryder! 1106 00:57:59,156 --> 00:58:00,589 Hi, guys. 1107 00:58:01,156 --> 00:58:02,794 I'm super-psyched to be here today. 1108 00:58:03,036 --> 00:58:06,392 What you're doing for our country is so cool. 1109 00:58:06,596 --> 00:58:09,827 I mean war, man. Wow, war. 1110 00:58:10,036 --> 00:58:12,186 You know? Wow. 1111 00:58:12,396 --> 00:58:17,026 Okay, and now for your enjoyment, here's my famous Ping-Pong ball trick. 1112 00:58:25,196 --> 00:58:26,026 Oh, my! 1113 00:58:26,796 --> 00:58:28,468 "Shut off the power, Cartman. 1114 00:58:28,676 --> 00:58:30,632 This is very important, Cartman. " 1115 00:58:30,876 --> 00:58:33,549 -Did you hear what Winona Ryder's doing? -We can't miss this. 1116 00:58:37,756 --> 00:58:42,227 There. I didn't miss one. That's my Ping-Pong ball trick! 1117 00:58:45,716 --> 00:58:47,832 That's all the acts we have for tonight... 1118 00:58:48,036 --> 00:58:50,550 ...so let's just get on with the execution! 1119 00:58:51,596 --> 00:58:53,746 -No, we have to stall him. -More! More! 1120 00:58:53,956 --> 00:58:55,435 Yeah! More! 1121 00:58:55,636 --> 00:58:58,355 You big sillies. You want to see more of me? 1122 00:58:58,556 --> 00:59:00,911 Yeah! Big Gay Al! Big Gay Al! 1123 00:59:02,716 --> 00:59:05,867 Well, I do have a little song I wrote about the war. 1124 00:59:06,156 --> 00:59:07,509 But we haven't rehearsed. 1125 00:59:07,716 --> 00:59:09,149 Sing it! 1126 00:59:09,796 --> 00:59:10,751 I can't. 1127 00:59:10,956 --> 00:59:12,309 Sing the fucking song! 1128 00:59:12,596 --> 00:59:15,110 All right. If you insist, I'll sing my song. 1129 00:59:15,396 --> 00:59:17,671 I believe it goes a little bit like this. 1130 00:59:19,836 --> 00:59:21,713 Bombs are flying 1131 00:59:21,996 --> 00:59:23,634 People are dying 1132 00:59:23,916 --> 00:59:26,749 Children are crying Politicians are lying too 1133 00:59:27,876 --> 00:59:29,867 Cancer is killing 1134 00:59:30,236 --> 00:59:31,715 Texaco 's spilling 1135 00:59:32,756 --> 00:59:35,190 The whole world's gone to hell But how are you? 1136 00:59:36,436 --> 00:59:39,030 I'm super Thanks for asking 1137 00:59:39,316 --> 00:59:40,874 I couldn 't be better 1138 00:59:41,076 --> 00:59:42,304 I must say 1139 00:59:42,516 --> 00:59:43,710 I'm feeling super 1140 00:59:43,916 --> 00:59:45,713 No, nothing bugs me 1141 00:59:45,916 --> 00:59:47,235 Everything is super when you're-- 1142 00:59:47,436 --> 00:59:49,745 Don 't you think I look cute ln this hat 1143 00:59:51,796 --> 00:59:54,469 I'm so sorry, Mr. Cripple 1144 00:59:54,676 --> 00:59:57,315 But ljust can 't feel too bad For you right now 1145 00:59:57,516 --> 01:00:00,394 Because I'm feeling So insanely super 1146 01:00:00,596 --> 01:00:03,713 That even the fact that you can 't walk Can 't bring me down 1147 01:00:03,916 --> 01:00:06,669 He's super Thanks for asking 1148 01:00:06,876 --> 01:00:09,549 All things considered He couldn 't be better, he must say 1149 01:00:09,836 --> 01:00:10,951 I'm super 1150 01:00:11,156 --> 01:00:12,350 No, nothing bugs me 1151 01:00:13,436 --> 01:00:16,234 Don 't you think I look cute in this hat 1152 01:00:16,476 --> 01:00:19,036 These pants This matching tie I got at Merv's 1153 01:00:19,476 --> 01:00:21,592 In the barracks And the trenches as well 1154 01:00:21,876 --> 01:00:25,266 -Stick 'em up! -Big Gay AI says you have to tell 1155 01:00:25,556 --> 01:00:27,831 Yes, he's super And he's proud to be gay 1156 01:00:28,596 --> 01:00:32,225 Everything is super When you're gay 1157 01:00:35,996 --> 01:00:36,951 When you're gay 1158 01:00:39,196 --> 01:00:40,549 Again! Again! 1159 01:00:48,956 --> 01:00:50,071 Who's there? 1160 01:00:51,276 --> 01:00:52,550 Son of a gun! Heck! 1161 01:00:53,956 --> 01:00:55,309 They're coming? 1162 01:00:56,156 --> 01:00:58,147 But our moms won't listen to us. 1163 01:01:03,756 --> 01:01:07,431 Okay, everybody, just want to thank our wonderful sponsors... . 1164 01:01:09,076 --> 01:01:10,111 He's almost got them. 1165 01:01:10,316 --> 01:01:12,705 We're here to rescue you. Follow me through the tunnel. 1166 01:01:13,196 --> 01:01:15,585 You guys! Seriously. I saw Kenny again. 1167 01:01:15,836 --> 01:01:17,633 Did you shut the alarm off? 1168 01:01:20,676 --> 01:01:21,995 Oh, shit! 1169 01:01:23,316 --> 01:01:25,830 Hear that? Sounds like a dying giraffe. 1170 01:01:27,196 --> 01:01:27,946 Shit! 1171 01:01:28,156 --> 01:01:29,908 -A spy! -Get him! 1172 01:01:31,036 --> 01:01:32,674 Shit! Shit! 1173 01:01:36,116 --> 01:01:37,265 Come on, Mole! 1174 01:01:37,756 --> 01:01:40,395 Shit! Shit! Fucking guard dogs! Shit! 1175 01:01:41,076 --> 01:01:42,429 The alarms went off. 1176 01:01:42,676 --> 01:01:43,995 That was my bad. Sorry. 1177 01:01:44,676 --> 01:01:46,632 Hold me. It's so very cold. 1178 01:01:46,876 --> 01:01:48,594 There is no hope. Get out. 1179 01:01:48,836 --> 01:01:50,747 -We can't leave without you. -It's okay. 1180 01:01:50,996 --> 01:01:53,146 No, we can't. We don't know where we are! 1181 01:01:53,396 --> 01:01:55,352 Where's your God when you need him? 1182 01:01:55,556 --> 01:01:58,548 Where is your beautiful, merciful faggot now? 1183 01:01:58,756 --> 01:01:59,711 Here I come, God. 1184 01:01:59,916 --> 01:02:01,588 Here I come, you fucking rat. 1185 01:02:01,796 --> 01:02:04,105 Now the light she fades 1186 01:02:04,476 --> 01:02:07,388 And darkness settles in 1187 01:02:07,636 --> 01:02:09,228 But I will find strength 1188 01:02:09,476 --> 01:02:11,944 -No, Mole, hang on. -I will find pride within 1189 01:02:12,196 --> 01:02:14,710 -We'll get you home. -Because although I die 1190 01:02:14,956 --> 01:02:17,516 -I can't face my mother. -Our freedom will be won 1191 01:02:17,756 --> 01:02:18,711 Not alone. 1192 01:02:18,916 --> 01:02:21,111 Though I die 1193 01:02:21,356 --> 01:02:24,029 La R�sistance lives... 1194 01:02:24,596 --> 01:02:25,665 ...on 1195 01:02:36,916 --> 01:02:38,031 Shit! 1196 01:02:38,276 --> 01:02:42,394 Okay, here it is. The moment we've all been awaiting: the execution! 1197 01:02:47,076 --> 01:02:49,032 The day is ours! 1198 01:02:50,276 --> 01:02:52,631 We have to tell them about Saddam Hussein and Satan. 1199 01:02:52,876 --> 01:02:56,391 -No. My mom can't see me here. -You have to stand up to your mother. 1200 01:02:56,676 --> 01:02:59,554 Gentlemen, do you have any last words? 1201 01:02:59,756 --> 01:03:03,066 Last words? How's aboot, "Get me the fuck out of this chair! " 1202 01:03:03,316 --> 01:03:04,226 How's that? 1203 01:03:04,476 --> 01:03:07,274 All right, anonymous, ready the switch. 1204 01:03:08,476 --> 01:03:09,465 Wait! 1205 01:03:13,076 --> 01:03:14,429 Go on, dude, tell her. 1206 01:03:14,756 --> 01:03:17,190 -I can't. -You can't kill Terrance and Phillip. 1207 01:03:17,436 --> 01:03:20,553 If they die, Satan and Saddam Hussein will take over the world. 1208 01:03:25,276 --> 01:03:27,187 Throw the switch, Mr. Garrison. 1209 01:03:27,436 --> 01:03:29,745 I'm supposed to be anonymous. 1210 01:03:31,316 --> 01:03:32,795 Goodbye, bastards! 1211 01:03:41,276 --> 01:03:44,313 The Canadians are attacking! Run for your lives! 1212 01:03:44,836 --> 01:03:46,269 We have to shut off the power! 1213 01:03:47,636 --> 01:03:48,830 Fuck! 1214 01:03:50,516 --> 01:03:52,188 Some little fat kid saved us! 1215 01:03:58,476 --> 01:04:01,513 Wait! We have to get you to the rendezvous point. 1216 01:04:04,916 --> 01:04:06,474 Ned, behind you! 1217 01:04:24,196 --> 01:04:26,471 Be not afraid. 1218 01:04:26,676 --> 01:04:27,586 Oh, my God! 1219 01:04:27,796 --> 01:04:29,707 Behold my glory. 1220 01:04:29,916 --> 01:04:31,031 What are you? 1221 01:04:31,236 --> 01:04:33,192 I am the clitoris. 1222 01:04:33,396 --> 01:04:35,591 The clitoris? I found the clitoris! 1223 01:04:35,796 --> 01:04:39,869 Stan, you must not let Terrance and Phillip's blood spill on the ground. 1224 01:04:40,156 --> 01:04:41,908 Tell me how to get Wendy to like me. 1225 01:04:42,116 --> 01:04:44,072 There are more important matters right now. 1226 01:04:44,316 --> 01:04:47,672 I looked all over for you. Tell me how to get Wendy to like me. 1227 01:04:47,876 --> 01:04:50,390 Dude, just have confidence in yourself. 1228 01:04:50,596 --> 01:04:52,552 Believe in yourself, and others will believe in you. 1229 01:04:53,116 --> 01:04:55,789 Chicks love confidence. Now go. Hurry! 1230 01:04:55,996 --> 01:04:58,464 The clitoris has spoken. 1231 01:04:58,676 --> 01:04:59,950 Stan, are you okay? 1232 01:05:00,156 --> 01:05:03,831 I see you failed. I should not have sent a boy to do a man's job. 1233 01:05:04,956 --> 01:05:07,550 Come on! We've got precious little time! 1234 01:05:10,796 --> 01:05:12,787 Die, Canadian, m'kay? 1235 01:05:16,116 --> 01:05:17,549 Did you hear that? I farted. 1236 01:05:17,796 --> 01:05:19,593 You did? Just now? 1237 01:05:20,836 --> 01:05:23,555 -Terrance and Phillip! -Let's get to the rendezvous point! 1238 01:05:23,756 --> 01:05:25,030 It's Mr. Garrison. 1239 01:05:25,476 --> 01:05:30,345 Children, take Mr. Hat. Please get him out of here. 1240 01:05:30,756 --> 01:05:34,226 Holy shit! This V-chip is getting all screwy. 1241 01:05:34,436 --> 01:05:36,028 Take cover in the trench! 1242 01:05:36,276 --> 01:05:39,905 Human Shield up front, then Operation Get-Behind-the-Darkies. 1243 01:05:40,556 --> 01:05:43,866 Remember, Human Shield, protect our tanks and planes too. 1244 01:05:48,156 --> 01:05:49,635 Holy mother of Jehoshaphat! 1245 01:05:49,836 --> 01:05:50,666 Fire on my command. 1246 01:05:50,876 --> 01:05:53,071 All right, squad, just like I told you. 1247 01:05:54,236 --> 01:05:56,545 One...two... 1248 01:05:56,796 --> 01:05:58,354 Do some people gonna die? 1249 01:05:58,596 --> 01:05:59,631 -Fire! -...three! 1250 01:06:00,916 --> 01:06:02,065 What in the-- 1251 01:06:02,756 --> 01:06:03,791 Great plan, Chef. 1252 01:06:04,036 --> 01:06:05,754 Operation Human Shield, my ass! 1253 01:06:08,676 --> 01:06:10,667 My God, this is terrible. 1254 01:06:10,916 --> 01:06:12,508 This is what we wanted! 1255 01:06:12,756 --> 01:06:16,590 We wanted our children to be brought up in a smut-free environment! 1256 01:06:16,836 --> 01:06:18,554 But we didn't want this. 1257 01:06:19,116 --> 01:06:20,435 Where are you going? 1258 01:06:20,796 --> 01:06:22,514 We're going to find our boys. 1259 01:06:22,716 --> 01:06:26,106 For God's sake, Sheila, we're going to get them killed! 1260 01:06:31,596 --> 01:06:33,985 All those times I said you were a big dumb Jew? 1261 01:06:34,196 --> 01:06:36,585 I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew. 1262 01:06:36,996 --> 01:06:39,112 Yes, I am! I am a Jew, Cartman! 1263 01:06:39,316 --> 01:06:41,068 Don't be so hard on yourself. 1264 01:06:42,036 --> 01:06:43,947 Why am I still holding this? 1265 01:06:44,436 --> 01:06:45,994 Mr. Hat! No! 1266 01:06:46,236 --> 01:06:48,955 Fuck this. I'm getting out before I get in trouble. 1267 01:06:49,196 --> 01:06:50,424 I heard that. 1268 01:06:51,236 --> 01:06:54,069 I found the clitoris. Now I can get Wendy to like me again. 1269 01:06:54,316 --> 01:06:55,192 Swell, Stan. 1270 01:06:55,396 --> 01:06:58,945 I guess all's well that ends well. We can go home now. Dipshit. 1271 01:06:59,636 --> 01:07:00,546 What's wrong? 1272 01:07:00,796 --> 01:07:04,630 We can't let Terrance and Phillip die, or the whole world will end. 1273 01:07:05,876 --> 01:07:06,865 Terrance, look! 1274 01:07:07,076 --> 01:07:07,906 There they are! 1275 01:07:08,116 --> 01:07:09,595 Phillip, we're done for! 1276 01:07:09,836 --> 01:07:11,747 All right, men! Fire! 1277 01:07:11,996 --> 01:07:13,429 Goodbye, Terrance. 1278 01:07:18,116 --> 01:07:19,026 What is this? 1279 01:07:19,236 --> 01:07:20,146 Don't shoot! 1280 01:07:20,356 --> 01:07:24,315 I'll take care of this. Kids, get out of the way now! 1281 01:07:29,996 --> 01:07:32,146 I'm not going to let you kill them, Mom! 1282 01:07:32,356 --> 01:07:33,311 What, what, what? 1283 01:07:33,516 --> 01:07:35,427 I'm not moving! 1284 01:07:37,276 --> 01:07:40,473 Stand down. You can still see fart jokes on Nickelodeon. 1285 01:07:40,676 --> 01:07:42,792 No! This is about more than fart jokes! 1286 01:07:43,036 --> 01:07:45,391 This is about freedom of speech, about censorship... 1287 01:07:45,796 --> 01:07:47,627 ...and stuff. 1288 01:07:47,836 --> 01:07:51,067 What about lke? Did you forget your adopted son is Canadian? 1289 01:07:53,596 --> 01:07:56,156 I'm doing very important things. 1290 01:07:56,356 --> 01:07:58,551 But you never took the time to talk to me. 1291 01:07:58,796 --> 01:08:01,754 Whenever I get in trouble, you blame everybody else. 1292 01:08:01,996 --> 01:08:04,305 But I'm the one to blame. Deal with me. 1293 01:08:04,516 --> 01:08:06,552 You keep fighting all these causes. 1294 01:08:06,796 --> 01:08:08,275 But I don't want a fighter. 1295 01:08:08,476 --> 01:08:09,989 I want my mom. 1296 01:08:13,796 --> 01:08:15,149 Poor little fella! 1297 01:08:20,716 --> 01:08:21,751 Holy shit, dude! 1298 01:08:21,996 --> 01:08:23,429 Young man, you watch your mouth! 1299 01:08:31,756 --> 01:08:33,508 My time has come! 1300 01:08:33,756 --> 01:08:35,872 You are really fucked now! 1301 01:08:36,076 --> 01:08:38,226 It's Saddam Hussein! Shoot him! 1302 01:08:39,796 --> 01:08:40,626 What a dumb ass! 1303 01:08:44,556 --> 01:08:46,751 You have spilled the blood of the innocent. 1304 01:08:46,996 --> 01:08:49,749 Now begins 2 million years of darkness. 1305 01:08:49,956 --> 01:08:52,186 Good job, Ms. Broflovski. Thanks a lot. 1306 01:08:52,396 --> 01:08:55,547 I was trying to make the world a better place for children. 1307 01:08:55,756 --> 01:08:58,987 And you brought enough intolerance to allow my coming. 1308 01:08:59,196 --> 01:09:01,915 Now, everyone bow down to me! 1309 01:09:04,876 --> 01:09:05,945 Bend over! 1310 01:09:06,156 --> 01:09:07,714 What have we done? 1311 01:09:08,156 --> 01:09:10,795 Saddam, I'm the dark ruler, not you. 1312 01:09:10,996 --> 01:09:12,509 Relax. Better seen, not heard. 1313 01:09:14,116 --> 01:09:15,151 I can't. 1314 01:09:15,396 --> 01:09:17,591 Let's start by building a big statue of me! 1315 01:09:17,836 --> 01:09:19,792 There, where that fat kid is standing. 1316 01:09:20,036 --> 01:09:22,231 Don't call me fat, buttfucker! 1317 01:09:28,076 --> 01:09:29,634 Yeah, Cartman, do it. 1318 01:09:29,876 --> 01:09:32,549 Damn! Shit! Respect my fucking authority! 1319 01:09:35,356 --> 01:09:37,506 You need to watch your mouth, brat! 1320 01:09:38,156 --> 01:09:40,112 Dogshit taco! 1321 01:09:44,316 --> 01:09:45,669 Quick, do something. 1322 01:09:45,916 --> 01:09:47,031 Try this on for size. 1323 01:09:48,316 --> 01:09:51,194 Blood-drenched, frozen tampon popsicle! 1324 01:09:53,396 --> 01:09:57,833 Buddy, I know I was mean before. But don't worry, I can change. 1325 01:10:01,836 --> 01:10:02,825 Not! 1326 01:10:03,996 --> 01:10:06,032 Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner... 1327 01:10:06,276 --> 01:10:10,189 ...bitch, muff, pussy, cunt, butthole, Barbra Streisand! 1328 01:10:15,516 --> 01:10:17,950 What are you waiting for, bitch? Destroy him! 1329 01:10:18,756 --> 01:10:20,747 You weak, stupid cum bucket. Save me! 1330 01:10:20,996 --> 01:10:21,985 That's it! 1331 01:10:22,876 --> 01:10:25,709 I have had enough of you! 1332 01:10:38,756 --> 01:10:42,988 He spent so much time convincing me I was weak and stupid... 1333 01:10:43,196 --> 01:10:44,709 ...that I believed it myself. 1334 01:10:45,116 --> 01:10:46,754 I have you to thank, little one. 1335 01:10:47,276 --> 01:10:49,665 You showed me that I had to get away from him. 1336 01:10:49,916 --> 01:10:52,794 Just make any wish you want and I shall grant it. 1337 01:10:55,836 --> 01:10:57,667 -Are you sure? -What did he say? 1338 01:10:57,916 --> 01:11:01,909 His wish is for everything to go back to the way it was before this war. 1339 01:11:02,276 --> 01:11:05,348 Kenny, you realize that means you'd go back too. 1340 01:11:05,596 --> 01:11:06,631 I know. 1341 01:11:14,756 --> 01:11:15,791 Very well, then. 1342 01:11:16,036 --> 01:11:17,708 I will pull my minions back. 1343 01:11:17,956 --> 01:11:21,631 I guess I'm destined to live in hell alone. 1344 01:11:22,716 --> 01:11:23,512 Hello. 1345 01:11:23,716 --> 01:11:24,944 What's this? 1346 01:11:25,156 --> 01:11:26,555 Hi, there, little guy. 1347 01:11:27,476 --> 01:11:29,546 Would you like to go to hell with me? 1348 01:11:29,796 --> 01:11:33,391 Sure. I bet we can be best friends, Mr. Satan. 1349 01:11:33,636 --> 01:11:36,025 Feel free to come back and visit anytime. 1350 01:11:36,276 --> 01:11:38,153 I just might do that. 1351 01:11:38,396 --> 01:11:39,067 Thanks, Kenny. 1352 01:11:39,276 --> 01:11:42,109 Thanks for going back to hell for us. You're a pal. 1353 01:11:46,476 --> 01:11:47,989 Goodbye, you guys. 1354 01:12:00,156 --> 01:12:01,828 I'm alive. Where's Mr. Hat? 1355 01:12:02,076 --> 01:12:06,035 Wow. We were all dying and now we're fine. That's super! 1356 01:12:06,276 --> 01:12:07,755 What the fuck's going on? 1357 01:12:11,956 --> 01:12:15,835 See, Mom? It was Cartman's filthy fucking mouth that saved us all. 1358 01:12:16,076 --> 01:12:18,988 I'm sorry I didn't pay attention to you, Kyle. 1359 01:12:21,356 --> 01:12:22,675 But what about Gregory? 1360 01:12:22,916 --> 01:12:25,066 -I never cared for Gregory. -You didn't? 1361 01:12:25,316 --> 01:12:27,784 No, dude. Fuck Gregory! Fuck him right in the ear! 1362 01:12:28,556 --> 01:12:29,591 Thank you, clitoris. 1363 01:12:29,836 --> 01:12:32,908 Everything worked out What a happy end 1364 01:12:33,356 --> 01:12:36,905 Americans and Canadians Are friends again 1365 01:12:37,356 --> 01:12:40,985 So let's alljoin hands And knock oppression down 1366 01:12:41,396 --> 01:12:43,830 Don 't you know our little lives Are now complete? 1367 01:12:44,196 --> 01:12:46,312 'Cause Terrance and Phillip Are sweet 1368 01:12:46,556 --> 01:12:47,306 Super sweet 1369 01:12:47,556 --> 01:12:51,708 Thank God we live in this Quiet little pissant 1370 01:12:51,916 --> 01:12:53,508 Redneck podunk jerkwater 1371 01:12:53,756 --> 01:12:57,112 Greenhorn one-horse mudhole Peckerwood right-wing whistle-stop 1372 01:12:57,316 --> 01:12:59,989 Hobnail truck-driving Old-fashioned hayseed inbred 1373 01:13:00,196 --> 01:13:02,107 Unkempt out-of-date White trash 1374 01:13:02,316 --> 01:13:05,911 Kick-ass! Mountain... 1375 01:13:07,396 --> 01:13:10,274 ... town! 1376 01:13:12,556 --> 01:13:13,591 Look! 1377 01:17:43,036 --> 01:17:44,025 Subtitles ripped by DRKARMA