1
00:04:05,876 --> 00:04:10,380
Le docteur Grayson n'�tait pas � Londres
au moment du meurtre.
2
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:15,882
En r�alit�, le bon docteur a s�journ� dans un petit
h�tel de Melksham la nuit en question.
3
00:04:15,882 --> 00:04:18,884
Il est alors rentr� � Broughton Gifford
par le train de 2h40...
4
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:22,886
d�guis� pour ressembler au valet
de chambre de Sir Mortimer, Burton,
5
00:04:22,886 --> 00:04:27,390
s'assurant ainsi que son arriv�e
serait remarqu�e par le contr�leur.
6
00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:31,392
A partir de l�, son plan �tait
la simplicit� m�me.
7
00:04:31,392 --> 00:04:36,894
Sachant que c'�tait
le jour de cong� de Burton...
8
00:04:31,392 --> 00:04:36,894
il est entr� sans difficult�
dans le Hall Hellrake sans �tre vu...
9
00:04:36,894 --> 00:04:40,396
et a tu� Sir Mortimer avec
la fl�che de l'astrolabe...
10
00:04:40,396 --> 00:04:44,399
qu'il avait aff�t�e
sur la pierre dans la vitrine.
11
00:04:44,899 --> 00:04:50,402
"Vous souvenez-vous de ma question
� l'�poque sur les couteaux en bronze ?
12
00:04:50,902 --> 00:04:55,406
J'�tais soucieux au sujet
de ces rasoirs en m�tal."
13
00:04:55,406 --> 00:04:57,406
"By jove, Lord Merridew, sir,
14
00:04:57,906 --> 00:05:00,409
"You don't miss a trick.
15
00:05:00,409 --> 00:05:03,910
But since you appear
to know so much, sir,"
16
00:05:03,910 --> 00:05:06,911
continued the inspector humbly,
17
00:05:06,911 --> 00:05:11,915
"I wonder if you would explain
how the murderer managed to
leave the body of his victim...
18
00:05:11,915 --> 00:05:14,417
"in the middle of the tennis
court and effect his escape...
19
00:05:14,417 --> 00:05:17,918
"without leaving any tracks
behind him in the red dust.
20
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:22,921
Frankly, sir, we in the Police
Force are just plain baffled."
21
00:05:29,925 --> 00:05:33,928
St. John Lord Merridew,
the great detective,
22
00:05:33,928 --> 00:05:35,929
rose majestically,
23
00:05:35,929 --> 00:05:40,432
his huge Father Christmas face
glowing with mischievous delight.
24
00:05:40,432 --> 00:05:44,434
Slowly, he brushed the
crumbs of seedy cake...
25
00:05:44,934 --> 00:05:47,436
from the folds of his
pendulous waistcoat.
26
00:05:47,436 --> 00:05:50,938
"The Police may be baffled,
Inspector," he boomed,
27
00:05:50,938 --> 00:05:52,939
"But Merridew is not.
28
00:05:52,939 --> 00:05:57,443
"Thirty years ago, the
murderer, Dr. Grayson,
29
00:05:57,443 --> 00:06:00,443
was a prominent member
of the Ballets Russes,
30
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:03,445
dancing under the name
of Oleg Graysinski.
31
00:06:03,445 --> 00:06:07,448
And though the years had
altered his appearance somewhat,
32
00:06:07,448 --> 00:06:09,449
yet his old skill
had not deserted him.
33
00:06:09,449 --> 00:06:11,950
He carried the body to
the center of the court,
34
00:06:11,950 --> 00:06:14,452
walking on his points...
35
00:06:14,452 --> 00:06:18,953
along the white tape which separated
the service boxes, and from there...
36
00:06:18,953 --> 00:06:21,956
he threw it seven feet into the court,
37
00:06:21,956 --> 00:06:24,457
close to the baseline where it was found.
38
00:06:24,457 --> 00:06:27,959
And then, with a neatly executed fouett�,
39
00:06:27,959 --> 00:06:31,962
he faced about and went
back the way he had come,
40
00:06:31,962 --> 00:06:35,464
thus leaving no traces.
41
00:06:35,464 --> 00:06:39,966
And that, Inspector, is
Merridew's solution."
42
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,967
Hello !
Are you there ?
43
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:45,970
Mr. Wyke ?
44
00:06:46,471 --> 00:06:48,472
- Mr. Wyke ?
- Who's there ?
45
00:06:48,472 --> 00:06:50,973
It's me, Milo Tindle.
I think you're expecting me.
46
00:06:50,973 --> 00:06:53,974
Yes, indeed. So good of you to come.
Won't you join me ?
47
00:06:53,974 --> 00:06:57,977
Well, I have been trying to do
exactly that for quite some time.
48
00:07:01,478 --> 00:07:03,480
Here we are.
49
00:07:07,982 --> 00:07:11,486
Yes, my outdoor inner sanctum.
I designed it myself.
50
00:07:11,985 --> 00:07:15,488
Provides for me just that extra bit
of privacy that an author requires.
51
00:07:15,488 --> 00:07:17,489
I must say, you're not an
easy man to drop in on.
52
00:07:17,988 --> 00:07:20,490
Just so. So, you're Milo Tindle.
53
00:07:20,490 --> 00:07:23,991
- I'm Andrew Wyke. Welcome to Cloak Manor.
- Thank you.
54
00:07:24,492 --> 00:07:26,493
I found your note when I came down
from London this afternoon.
55
00:07:26,994 --> 00:07:28,995
Oh, good. Yes.
I hoped you'd be here this weekend,
56
00:07:28,995 --> 00:07:32,497
so I pushed it through your letter
box a little earlier today.
57
00:07:32,497 --> 00:07:34,998
Well, now, what will
you have to drink ?
58
00:07:34,998 --> 00:07:37,501
- Uh, vodka and tonic, please.
- Ah. Of course.
59
00:07:37,501 --> 00:07:42,002
- How are you settling in here
at laundry cottage ?
- Very well, thank you.
60
00:07:42,502 --> 00:07:44,504
Using it for weekends,
that sort of thing ?
61
00:07:44,504 --> 00:07:47,005
Yes, that sort of thing.
62
00:07:47,005 --> 00:07:50,507
Vodka-- I don't seem to
have any out here. Is--
63
00:07:50,507 --> 00:07:53,510
- Gin will do.
- Good.
64
00:07:53,510 --> 00:07:56,011
Charming little place,
Laundry cottage--
65
00:07:56,011 --> 00:07:58,012
Ideal for relaxations of all kinds.
66
00:07:58,513 --> 00:08:01,014
Unfortunately, I don't
have time for them myself.
67
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:04,516
As a matter of fact, I've just
dictated the denouement...
68
00:08:04,516 --> 00:08:07,517
of my new book,
�Death by double fault.�
69
00:08:07,517 --> 00:08:11,019
I must say, it's gone extremely well.
Ah, then.
70
00:08:11,019 --> 00:08:14,522
Soda, soda, soda, soda--
71
00:08:14,522 --> 00:08:17,024
Oh, dear. Doesn't seem to be
any tonic here either.
72
00:08:17,024 --> 00:08:19,525
It's awful.
Here, shall we go indoors ?
73
00:08:19,525 --> 00:08:22,526
- Whatever you like.
- Good.
74
00:08:22,526 --> 00:08:26,028
Tell me, do you agree that
the detective story is...
75
00:08:26,028 --> 00:08:29,030
the normal recreation of noble minds ?
76
00:08:29,530 --> 00:08:32,533
I'm afraid I don't know
very much about noble minds.
77
00:08:32,533 --> 00:08:35,534
- Is it supposed to be ?
- I'm quoting from Philip Guedalla,
78
00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:37,535
a biographer of the '30s,
79
00:08:37,535 --> 00:08:41,539
the golden age when every Cabinet Minister
had a thriller by his bedside,
80
00:08:42,038 --> 00:08:44,539
and all detectives were titled.
81
00:08:44,539 --> 00:08:48,040
- Before your time, I expect.
- Somewhat. Let me carry that.
82
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,543
Oh, thank you so much. Very good of you.
83
00:08:50,543 --> 00:08:55,045
Yet, you know, even today, I still
set my works among the gentry,
84
00:08:55,045 --> 00:09:00,049
and a great many ordinary people
seem to enjoy them in spite of
our classless society.
85
00:09:00,549 --> 00:09:02,550
I imagine they do a great deal
of your stuff on television.
86
00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:05,552
Oh, God forbid. I'd never permit it.
87
00:09:05,552 --> 00:09:09,554
And, uh, incidentally,
it's not "stuff." No.
88
00:09:09,554 --> 00:09:12,555
Television's not my line
of country at all.
89
00:09:12,555 --> 00:09:16,058
That's detective fact,
not detective fiction.
90
00:09:16,558 --> 00:09:19,560
And, therefore,
no recreation for noble minds ?
91
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:23,062
You have it in a nutshell, my dear Milo,
if I may so address you.
92
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:26,564
Oh, you might as well. We're all on
first-name terms these days, Andrew.
93
00:09:26,564 --> 00:09:31,066
Of course we are. And you and I do
need to be friendly, do we not ?
94
00:09:53,079 --> 00:09:56,081
How do you like your drink-- with ice ?
95
00:09:57,082 --> 00:09:59,583
With ice ?
96
00:09:59,583 --> 00:10:01,584
Uh, yes, please.
97
00:10:17,093 --> 00:10:19,596
What does he do ?
98
00:10:24,097 --> 00:10:27,098
Oh, that's Jolly Jack Tar,
the jovial sailor.
99
00:10:27,098 --> 00:10:29,601
He and I have a really
splendid relationship.
100
00:10:29,601 --> 00:10:32,602
I make the jokes,
and he laughs at them.
101
00:10:32,602 --> 00:10:37,105
Here, mein Freund. Put
that behind your necktie.
102
00:10:37,105 --> 00:10:39,106
- He didn't laugh.
- No, he wasn't meant to.
103
00:10:39,607 --> 00:10:42,108
- I thought you were trying to be funny.
- You'll know it when I am.
104
00:10:42,608 --> 00:10:45,110
- I see. Cheers.
- Prost.
105
00:10:50,112 --> 00:10:53,615
- What's this ?
- That is an intensely complicated...
106
00:10:53,615 --> 00:10:55,616
fourth dynasty blocking game called Senat.
107
00:10:55,616 --> 00:10:58,618
I've been studying the thing for months,
but I'm still only a beginner.
108
00:10:58,618 --> 00:11:02,621
I wonder if you'd mind putting
that back. It's taken me rather
a long time to get it there.
109
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:06,121
The center column,
fourth from your right.
110
00:11:06,121 --> 00:11:08,123
Well, now,
111
00:11:08,123 --> 00:11:11,291
I understand you want to marry my wife.
112
00:11:14,210 --> 00:11:18,213
Forgive me raising the matter,
but as Marguerite is away for
a few days in the north...
113
00:11:18,213 --> 00:11:20,714
visiting relatives, I thought this
might be an appropriate moment...
114
00:11:21,215 --> 00:11:23,715
for you and me to have a little chat.
115
00:11:23,715 --> 00:11:28,218
- I see.
- Well, uh, is it true ?
116
00:11:29,219 --> 00:11:32,220
Yes. With your permission, of course.
117
00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:36,723
Why not ? You seem to be a personable
enough young man-- nicely spoken,
118
00:11:36,723 --> 00:11:39,725
neatly dressed in brand-new
country gentleman's clothing.
119
00:11:40,225 --> 00:11:43,728
I'm sure you won't mind me asking you
a few questions about your background--
120
00:11:43,728 --> 00:11:46,728
parents and so forth.
121
00:11:46,728 --> 00:11:51,232
My mother was born in Hereford,
a farmer's daughter,
122
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:55,734
And my father is an Italian who came
to this country in the '30s from Genoa.
123
00:11:55,734 --> 00:11:59,737
- In the '30s. Jewish ?
- No, catholic-- very devout.
124
00:11:59,737 --> 00:12:01,738
Of course, I'm not
religious at all myself.
125
00:12:01,738 --> 00:12:06,242
My dear boy, you don't have to excuse
yourself to me. We're all liberals here.
126
00:12:06,242 --> 00:12:10,742
I have no prejudice against catholics,
Not even lapsed catholics.
127
00:12:10,742 --> 00:12:15,246
In fact, some of my best friends
are lapsed catholics.
128
00:12:15,246 --> 00:12:18,248
But tell me about your father.
Was his name Tindle too ?
129
00:12:18,248 --> 00:12:20,749
No, his name was Tindolini.
130
00:12:20,749 --> 00:12:23,251
But if you had a name
like that in those days,
131
00:12:23,251 --> 00:12:25,252
you had to make-a de ice cream-a.
132
00:12:25,252 --> 00:12:27,752
He was a watchmaker,
133
00:12:27,752 --> 00:12:30,755
and he wanted us to become
English, so he changed it.
134
00:12:30,755 --> 00:12:34,257
"Become" English.
135
00:12:34,257 --> 00:12:36,258
Was he a successful man ?
136
00:12:36,258 --> 00:12:39,760
No. As a matter of fact, he wasn't.
137
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:43,762
You can't expect to make a living
these days just repairing watches.
138
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:46,765
He went broke in the end.
I always told him he would.
139
00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:50,766
Hmm. Well, it must make him
something of a burden to you.
140
00:12:51,766 --> 00:12:54,769
Yeah, it-it does a bit.
141
00:12:54,769 --> 00:12:57,271
He never went back, you see.
142
00:12:57,271 --> 00:12:59,771
He's still in Soho, still thinks
he had it good all those years.
143
00:13:00,272 --> 00:13:01,772
And you-- what do you do ?
144
00:13:03,775 --> 00:13:06,776
Don't you know ?
145
00:13:06,776 --> 00:13:11,779
I have a hairdressing salon in South
Kensington-- Casa tindolini.
146
00:13:11,779 --> 00:13:13,780
Oh, you can use that word
these days, can you ?
147
00:13:13,780 --> 00:13:17,282
People don't take it for an ice-cream salon ?
- No, the birds--
148
00:13:17,282 --> 00:13:19,784
the ladies seem to like
the continental touch.
149
00:13:20,284 --> 00:13:22,785
English too wholesome for them, eh ?
150
00:13:22,785 --> 00:13:25,787
Yeah, well, it's-- it's not chic, you see.
151
00:13:25,787 --> 00:13:30,290
We found that it pays to provide
the latin lover atmosphere.
152
00:13:30,290 --> 00:13:33,791
Of course, we lay it on a bit thicker in the
Brighton shop. They're less sophisticated.
153
00:13:33,791 --> 00:13:38,794
I mean to say, in London half of them
have actually got-- latin lovers ?
154
00:13:41,296 --> 00:13:46,300
And where do you live-- above,
behind or below your shop ?
155
00:13:46,799 --> 00:13:50,301
I lease a mews house nearby.
It's convenient and attractive.
156
00:13:50,301 --> 00:13:52,303
It's Georgian, actually.
157
00:13:52,303 --> 00:13:56,305
From Genoa to Georgian in a single
generation, eh ? Not bad.
158
00:13:56,305 --> 00:14:00,808
But I doubt whether an 18th century
architectural gem in South Kensington...
159
00:14:00,808 --> 00:14:03,809
whispers quite the same magic
to Marguerite as it does to you.
160
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:06,811
She adores old houses.
She can't wait to live in it.
161
00:14:06,811 --> 00:14:09,813
I understood she already was living
in it, once or twice a week at least.
162
00:14:10,813 --> 00:14:12,814
I'm not mistaken, am I ?
163
00:14:15,316 --> 00:14:18,818
And that your motive in renting the cottage
down here was to increase the incidence...
164
00:14:18,818 --> 00:14:22,320
of this biweekly coupling.
- Is that what you asked me
over here to chat about ?
165
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:26,323
Never speak ill of the deadly.
166
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:30,325
If I choose to say that my wife
converses like a child of six...
167
00:14:30,824 --> 00:14:33,827
and makes love like an extinct
shellfish, I shall,
168
00:14:33,827 --> 00:14:36,828
and I don't need to ask her lover's
permission to do so either.
169
00:14:36,828 --> 00:14:40,830
- Thank you for the drink.
- Oh, my. Now, now, I thought
you were brought up in England.
170
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,832
Surely you know it's not done to be rude.
171
00:14:42,832 --> 00:14:45,834
You were being rude about
a woman I'm in love with.
172
00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:49,754
- On the contrary. I was
reminiscing about my wife.
- It comes to the same thing.
173
00:14:49,754 --> 00:14:52,754
Things mostly do, you know. I'll
wager that in a year's time...
174
00:14:52,754 --> 00:14:56,756
it'll be you who'll be being rude about
Marguerite and I who'll be being rhapsodic,
175
00:14:56,756 --> 00:15:02,260
having quite forgotten how
intolerably tiresome, vain,
spendthrift, self-indulgent...
176
00:15:02,260 --> 00:15:04,761
and generally bloody crafty she really is !
177
00:15:07,213 --> 00:15:10,716
Can you afford to take her off my hands ?
178
00:15:17,218 --> 00:15:21,220
- "Afford to" ?
- Support her in the style to
which she was not accustomed...
179
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:24,223
before she met me, but now is.
180
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:27,725
Well, I'm not a millionaire,
but I'm not starving either.
181
00:15:28,225 --> 00:15:32,728
The shop in London's doing all right. The
one in Brighton is almost breaking even.
182
00:15:32,728 --> 00:15:34,729
- By this time next year--
- This year, next year, sometime, never.
183
00:15:34,729 --> 00:15:38,732
What you're really saying is
that at present, you're skint.
184
00:15:38,732 --> 00:15:41,733
- We'll survive.
- Survival is scarcely the point.
185
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:45,235
Presumably, when you're married
to Marguerite, you'll want
a place on the Riviera,
186
00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:48,237
fast car, couple of mistresses.
- "Presumably" ?
187
00:15:48,237 --> 00:15:51,239
- Just because you need those things ?
- No, just this fading mansion,
188
00:15:51,239 --> 00:15:54,740
the slowest Bentley in Wiltshire,
and only one mistress, I'm afraid.
189
00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:57,743
Tea, the Finnish bird who runs
the sauna in Salisbury.
190
00:15:57,743 --> 00:15:59,744
Oh, you know about Tea, do you ?
191
00:15:59,744 --> 00:16:02,244
Marguerite and I have no
secrets from each other.
192
00:16:02,244 --> 00:16:04,747
Not even mine, it seems.
193
00:16:04,747 --> 00:16:07,248
Tea is a Karelian Goddess.
194
00:16:07,248 --> 00:16:09,750
Her golden hair smells of pine,
195
00:16:10,249 --> 00:16:14,251
and her cobalt eyes are the secret
forest pools of Finlandia.
196
00:16:14,251 --> 00:16:18,754
I hear she's a well-scrubbed blonde with
all the sex appeal of a secondhand jeep.
197
00:16:18,754 --> 00:16:20,756
Not so, dear boy. You can take it from me.
198
00:16:21,256 --> 00:16:23,758
Tea is an engaging little trollop
and suits me mightily.
199
00:16:23,758 --> 00:16:26,259
Mind you, she takes a
bit of keeping up with.
200
00:16:26,259 --> 00:16:30,762
It's a good thing I am pretty much
of an olympic sexual athlete.
201
00:16:30,762 --> 00:16:35,263
Yes, I suppose these days you are
concentrating more on the sprints...
202
00:16:35,263 --> 00:16:37,766
than on the long-distance stuff.
203
00:16:37,766 --> 00:16:40,267
Not so, dear boy.
I'm in the pink of condition.
204
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:44,270
I could copulate for England
at any distance.
205
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:46,772
Red.
206
00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:48,773
Well, as they say in the Olympics,
207
00:16:49,272 --> 00:16:53,275
it's not the winning, it's
the taking part that counts.
208
00:16:53,275 --> 00:16:57,276
- Are you going to marry her ?
- Oh, no, no, no. I just
want to live with her.
209
00:16:57,276 --> 00:17:01,780
- So what's stopping you ?
- Basically the firm of
Prurien and Pry, ltd.,
210
00:17:01,780 --> 00:17:04,281
Whom you and Marguerite
have seen fit to employ.
211
00:17:04,281 --> 00:17:06,282
Don't be so innocent.
212
00:17:06,282 --> 00:17:11,786
Those nicotine-stained private
detectives have been camping
outside Tea's for the last week.
213
00:17:11,786 --> 00:17:17,289
It was an insurance policy
to keep you from changing
your mind about the divorce.
214
00:17:17,289 --> 00:17:19,790
- How do you know I wasn't
having you watched, hmm ?
- Why not ?
215
00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:23,793
Afraid of what you might find out ?
Or didn't you think that was possible ?
216
00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,795
Now, don't start doing a fertility dance.
217
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:29,797
Of course I knew they'd find you and
Marguerite rutting away like crazed weasels.
218
00:17:29,797 --> 00:17:34,799
But why should I pay good money
to have something confirmed
which I'd known for months ?
219
00:17:35,299 --> 00:17:39,802
- Black.
- Then if you knew, why didn't
you do something about it ?
220
00:17:39,802 --> 00:17:43,304
I had to assure myself that you and
Marguerite were going to be a fixture.
221
00:17:43,304 --> 00:17:47,306
You see, I want to lose the
dear girl for life, not just...
222
00:17:47,306 --> 00:17:52,310
a two-week Tindolini perm, set and touch-up.
223
00:17:55,811 --> 00:17:58,313
- Good shot.
- Yes, it was. Yellow.
224
00:17:58,313 --> 00:18:01,731
You see, you don't know her as well as
I do. You think you do, but you don't.
225
00:18:01,731 --> 00:18:05,233
If you fail her, by which I mean
cancelling the account at Harrod's...
226
00:18:05,233 --> 00:18:07,735
or shortchanging her on winters in Jamaica,
227
00:18:07,735 --> 00:18:11,237
She'll be back to me in a
jiffy, mewing for support.
228
00:18:11,237 --> 00:18:15,240
And, guilty wife or no, she
may be entitled to get it.
229
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,241
- Green.
- Money isn't everything.
230
00:18:18,741 --> 00:18:21,742
And what if she is used to
luxury ? Whose fault is that ?
231
00:18:21,742 --> 00:18:24,745
It's not a fault if you can afford it.
232
00:18:24,745 --> 00:18:26,746
But can you ?
233
00:18:28,747 --> 00:18:30,749
Knowing you to be hard up-- brown--
234
00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:33,750
has she shown any signs
of mending her ways...
235
00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:37,751
in these last, idyllic three months ?
236
00:18:37,751 --> 00:18:43,256
Blue. When, for instance,
did she last turn down
Dom Perignon in favor of--
237
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:47,759
no offense, mind you-- the
persuasive charms of Dago Red ?
238
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:49,760
Black.
239
00:18:52,094 --> 00:18:57,097
No, I'm not joking. How much has
this brief liaison cost you so far ?
240
00:18:59,098 --> 00:19:04,102
And that old Dad of yours in Soho--
when did you last send him any money ?
241
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:07,103
We have talked about money.
242
00:19:07,103 --> 00:19:09,104
Often I've told her we spend too much.
243
00:19:09,104 --> 00:19:12,107
- She takes no notice ?
- No.
244
00:19:13,607 --> 00:19:16,608
Silvery laugh.
Coquettish turn of the head.
245
00:19:16,608 --> 00:19:19,610
Something like that.
246
00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:23,112
Well, it's to solve this little problem
that I've invited you here tonight.
247
00:19:23,112 --> 00:19:27,114
And this, as they say, is
where the plot thickens.
248
00:19:27,114 --> 00:19:29,616
What plot ?
249
00:19:37,121 --> 00:19:40,122
Whatever are you doing with
that cue in your hand ?
250
00:19:40,122 --> 00:19:42,123
I was waiting for you to miss.
251
00:19:42,123 --> 00:19:44,124
Foolish boy.
252
00:19:45,625 --> 00:19:48,127
Once upon a time, my dear Milo,
253
00:19:48,127 --> 00:19:52,129
there was an Englishman called Andrew Wyke,
254
00:19:52,129 --> 00:19:57,632
who, in common with most of his countrymen,
was virtually castrated by taxation.
255
00:19:57,632 --> 00:20:00,634
To avoid total emasculation,
his accountants advised him...
256
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:05,637
To put a considerable part of
his money, some 250,000 pounds,
257
00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:08,138
into jewelry.
258
00:20:08,138 --> 00:20:10,140
His wife, of course, was delighted.
259
00:20:10,140 --> 00:20:14,142
- Marguerite never told me you'd
given her any jewelry.
- Oh, nor did I, of course.
260
00:20:14,142 --> 00:20:16,643
It's still mine, as well she knows.
261
00:20:16,643 --> 00:20:20,645
We just thought it would be more amusing
for her to wear it than for me to bank it.
262
00:20:20,645 --> 00:20:22,646
After all, it's fully insured.
263
00:20:23,147 --> 00:20:25,649
I see what you mean by the plot thickening.
264
00:20:25,649 --> 00:20:31,152
I'm glad you follow me so readily. You
see, I want you to steal that jewelry.
265
00:20:38,656 --> 00:20:42,658
Tonight, for choice. With Marguerite
away, it's an admirable opportunity.
266
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:46,660
- What about the servants ?
- I've sent Mr. And Mrs. Hawkins
away to the seaside...
267
00:20:46,660 --> 00:20:49,662
for a 48-hour paddle-- they won't
be back till Sunday night.
268
00:20:49,662 --> 00:20:53,165
So, you see, the house is empty.
269
00:20:58,169 --> 00:21:01,169
Cheers.
270
00:21:01,669 --> 00:21:05,171
- Well, what do you say ?
- It sounds distinctly criminal.
271
00:21:05,171 --> 00:21:10,175
Well, of course it's criminal !
All good moneymaking schemes in
England have to be these days.
272
00:21:10,175 --> 00:21:12,176
Now, the jewelry, when it's not in the bank,
273
00:21:12,176 --> 00:21:17,180
lives in an ingeniously hidden safe
somewhere here in the study.
274
00:21:17,180 --> 00:21:19,181
Where, for instance, would you look for it ?
275
00:21:41,193 --> 00:21:43,694
Good likeness, would you say ?
276
00:21:43,694 --> 00:21:49,198
Of course, it's 17--
no, 18 years ago.
277
00:21:49,198 --> 00:21:52,699
I don't think you'd hide your safe behind
it. I've seen that in too many movies.
278
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:57,203
Good thinking ! All right then, where ?
Are you up to finding it ?
279
00:22:59,239 --> 00:23:03,741
There are certain skills best acquired
in public bars, I suppose,
280
00:23:03,741 --> 00:23:08,243
but whatever made you think, hmm ?
- You and your games.
281
00:23:08,243 --> 00:23:11,246
That is the only game in this room.
282
00:23:11,746 --> 00:23:14,247
Hmm. Very clever.
283
00:23:14,247 --> 00:23:16,748
Anyway, the jewels are in there.
All you have to do is steal them,
284
00:23:16,748 --> 00:23:20,251
Sell them abroad and live happily
ever after with Marguerite.
285
00:23:20,251 --> 00:23:23,752
All I have to do is claim the insurance
and live happily ever after with Tea.
286
00:23:23,752 --> 00:23:26,255
Is that what you asked me over to hear--
287
00:23:26,255 --> 00:23:30,257
A grotty little plot to defraud
the insurance company ?
288
00:23:30,756 --> 00:23:32,757
I'm sorry you find the plot grotty.
289
00:23:32,757 --> 00:23:35,760
Personally, I thought it was all
rather nicely clear and simple.
290
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:39,762
Look, supposing I do as you say
and nick-- uh, steal the jewels.
291
00:23:39,762 --> 00:23:44,265
If I sell them under my own name, I'll get
picked up the moment you report the loss.
292
00:23:44,765 --> 00:23:47,766
If I sell them to a fence, always
presuming I could find one,
293
00:23:47,766 --> 00:23:50,769
He'd carve me up, I'd get a
fraction of their value.
294
00:23:51,269 --> 00:23:53,770
- Not with the fences I know.
- What fences would you know ?
295
00:23:53,770 --> 00:23:56,772
The finest in Europe--
Prudent, yet prodigal.
296
00:23:56,772 --> 00:24:01,275
I first met them while I was researching for
the deadly affair of the Druce Diamond.
297
00:24:01,275 --> 00:24:04,276
Surely you've read it.
298
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:09,779
Pity. An absolute corker.
In any case, on your behalf,
299
00:24:09,779 --> 00:24:12,281
I have already contacted a certain
gentleman in Amsterdam.
300
00:24:12,781 --> 00:24:16,784
He'll treat you very well. You won't get
the full amount for the jewels, of course,
301
00:24:16,784 --> 00:24:19,785
but you'll get about two thirds, say,
302
00:24:19,785 --> 00:24:23,788
170,000 pounds.
303
00:24:23,788 --> 00:24:28,290
- You'll get it in cash.
- 170,000 quid ?
304
00:24:28,290 --> 00:24:30,291
Cash.
305
00:24:31,293 --> 00:24:33,294
Why should this fellow pay so much ?
306
00:24:33,294 --> 00:24:38,296
Because he will get what no fence
ever gets-- the title to the jewels.
307
00:24:38,296 --> 00:24:41,299
You see, in addition to stealing the jewels,
308
00:24:41,299 --> 00:24:46,800
you have also to take the
receipts I got for them.
309
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:51,804
Now, what does my insurance
company discover as it swings
ponderously into action,
310
00:24:51,804 --> 00:24:54,805
antennae pulsing with suspicion ?
311
00:24:54,805 --> 00:24:58,309
It discovers that someone
impersonating Andrew Wyke...
312
00:24:58,309 --> 00:25:03,311
sold the jewels for 170,000 pounds cash,
313
00:25:03,311 --> 00:25:06,313
but they still have to pay me.
314
00:25:06,313 --> 00:25:08,813
Hard cheese.
315
00:25:08,813 --> 00:25:12,317
Think it over. Take your time.
316
00:25:25,624 --> 00:25:28,626
Look, I know this sounds stupid, but,
317
00:25:29,127 --> 00:25:31,044
have you had any experience--
318
00:25:31,044 --> 00:25:35,046
I mean, have you ever, actually,
committed a crime before ?
319
00:25:35,546 --> 00:25:39,549
St. John Lord Merridew would
have a pretty lean time of it...
320
00:25:39,549 --> 00:25:41,550
if I didn't think up any
crimes for him to solve.
321
00:25:41,550 --> 00:25:43,552
St. John Lord who ?
322
00:25:46,053 --> 00:25:48,554
- You're joking.
- What about ?
323
00:25:49,555 --> 00:25:52,055
Who is St. John Lord Merridew ?
324
00:25:52,055 --> 00:25:55,559
Why, even Marguerite when I first
met her knew and adored him.
325
00:25:56,058 --> 00:26:00,060
He's my detective, known to millions
throughout the civilized world...
326
00:26:00,060 --> 00:26:04,564
with a nose for smelling out evil
superior to anything in the Force.
327
00:26:04,564 --> 00:26:10,067
Oh, yes. The Police are always stupid in
the kind of books you write, aren't they ?
328
00:26:10,067 --> 00:26:15,570
They never solve anything. It's always the
amateur sleuth who knows what's going on.
329
00:26:15,570 --> 00:26:20,573
But that's detective fiction.
This is fact. This is real.
330
00:26:20,573 --> 00:26:22,691
I'm well aware of the
difference, my dear Milo,
331
00:26:22,691 --> 00:26:27,194
but I'm also aware of my own
not inconsiderable capabilities.
332
00:26:27,194 --> 00:26:29,695
Of course, if you doubt them
or don't trust me--
333
00:26:29,695 --> 00:26:32,196
I'm not sure that I do.
334
00:26:32,697 --> 00:26:35,198
That's why it's a very
difficult decision to make.
335
00:26:35,198 --> 00:26:37,199
Not at all difficult, perfectly simple.
336
00:26:37,700 --> 00:26:39,701
You have an expensive woman and no money.
337
00:26:40,201 --> 00:26:43,704
Yeah, but why don't you steal the bloody
jewels and simply hand them over to me ?
338
00:26:43,704 --> 00:26:47,706
I should have thought that was obvious.
The burglary has to look real.
339
00:26:47,706 --> 00:26:49,706
This house has actually to be broken into.
340
00:26:50,207 --> 00:26:52,709
Then why don't you break into it ?
341
00:26:52,709 --> 00:26:55,210
It's a question of agility
for one thing, dear boy.
342
00:26:55,210 --> 00:26:58,211
Milo, baby, hey, do me a favor.
343
00:26:58,211 --> 00:27:00,213
Let me handle this. Know what I mean ?
344
00:27:00,213 --> 00:27:04,716
Crime is my bag. I got this caper
all worked out to the last detail.
345
00:27:07,718 --> 00:27:12,720
170,000 pounds.
346
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:17,223
Cash, tax-free.
347
00:27:19,224 --> 00:27:24,728
It would take an awful lot of
Tindolini's tonsorial teasing
to raise that kind of money.
348
00:27:25,729 --> 00:27:28,229
All right. I'll do it.
349
00:27:28,229 --> 00:27:31,231
- Where do you want me to break in ?
- No, no, no, no. Not so fast.
350
00:27:31,231 --> 00:27:34,232
You've got to get disguised first.
351
00:27:34,232 --> 00:27:38,735
- What for ?
- What if somebody saw you climbing in ?
352
00:27:38,735 --> 00:27:41,237
Here ? In the middle of nowhere ?
353
00:27:41,237 --> 00:27:43,238
I could hardly find this
place with a bloody map !
354
00:27:43,739 --> 00:27:46,240
You never know !
355
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,742
A dallying couple, a passing sheep rapist.
356
00:27:49,742 --> 00:27:54,244
Besides, don't forget the clues
we've got to leave for the Police
and insurance company.
357
00:27:54,244 --> 00:27:57,747
We don't want your footsteps
in the flower beds...
358
00:27:57,747 --> 00:27:59,748
Or your coat button snagged
on the window sill.
359
00:27:59,748 --> 00:28:02,750
No, no, no ! You must be disguised !
360
00:28:02,750 --> 00:28:04,752
All right. How ?
361
00:28:06,252 --> 00:28:09,753
Please to follow me, number one son.
362
00:28:12,756 --> 00:28:18,258
You know, my dear Milo, in the good
old days, before television, that is,
363
00:28:18,258 --> 00:28:21,261
People constructed the pleasures
of life for themselves.
364
00:28:21,761 --> 00:28:23,762
They amused each other
and were in turn amused.
365
00:28:23,762 --> 00:28:27,264
They didn't just sit, stare.
366
00:28:27,764 --> 00:28:30,265
Why, in this house there
was scarcely a weekend...
367
00:28:30,265 --> 00:28:35,268
without its treasure hunts, charades,
games of infinite variety.
368
00:28:35,268 --> 00:28:37,770
Makeup and dress up--
369
00:28:37,770 --> 00:28:41,773
there was virtually no end to
the concealment of identity.
370
00:28:41,773 --> 00:28:45,776
- But surely Marguerite has told you.
- Actually she never mentioned it.
371
00:28:46,776 --> 00:28:50,777
Well, it was all some time ago.
372
00:28:51,277 --> 00:28:53,780
Aha ! A few scenes from some of my books,
373
00:28:53,780 --> 00:28:56,280
lovingly recreated by an artist friend.
374
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:58,782
The necrophilic barber of Tunbridge Wells,
375
00:28:58,782 --> 00:29:03,285
and the doltish pie poisoner
from the Simple Simon murders.
376
00:29:03,786 --> 00:29:06,287
Oh ! And here's my favorite.
377
00:29:06,287 --> 00:29:09,288
- Now, this really is ingenious. Do look--
- Andrew,
378
00:29:09,288 --> 00:29:11,289
we were looking for a disguise.
379
00:29:11,790 --> 00:29:15,291
Ah, quite so, dear boy. So we were.
Ah, here we are.
380
00:29:15,792 --> 00:29:19,795
The old dressing-up basket, our old
treasure chest of make-believe.
381
00:29:19,795 --> 00:29:22,796
Let's see what we've got.
Ah, this should suit.
382
00:29:22,796 --> 00:29:27,299
Item-- one black face mask,
one black flat cap,
383
00:29:27,299 --> 00:29:30,301
a striped jersey and a bag marked "swag."
384
00:29:30,802 --> 00:29:33,301
Why not a neon sign with "burglar" on it ?
385
00:29:33,802 --> 00:29:37,805
You may have a point. One of my favorites !
386
00:29:37,805 --> 00:29:42,308
The ecclesiastical housebreaker,
Brother Lightfingers.
387
00:29:42,308 --> 00:29:45,309
Perhaps we shall never know the
identity of the cowled figure...
388
00:29:45,309 --> 00:29:48,311
seen haunting the grounds of the old manor
house on the night of the terrible murder,
389
00:29:48,812 --> 00:29:51,814
if living identity it had.
390
00:29:51,814 --> 00:29:57,816
And there are those to this day who
claim to hear the agonized screams...
391
00:29:57,816 --> 00:30:02,820
of the victim echoing through
the chimney ports !
392
00:30:02,820 --> 00:30:05,821
For Christ's sake, Andrew,
stop mucking about !
393
00:30:06,321 --> 00:30:09,324
Haven't you just got an
old pair of sneakers,
394
00:30:09,324 --> 00:30:11,826
a raincoat and a sock I
can put over my head ?
395
00:30:11,826 --> 00:30:15,327
Old pair of sneakers and a sock ?
396
00:30:15,327 --> 00:30:17,328
Milo, where's your sense of style ?
397
00:30:17,328 --> 00:30:20,830
We must give our crime the
true sparkle of the '30s,
398
00:30:20,830 --> 00:30:24,332
a little amateur aristocratic quirkiness.
399
00:30:24,332 --> 00:30:28,835
Don't you feel the need to give your old
archenemy, Inspector Plodder of the Yard,
400
00:30:28,835 --> 00:30:31,336
a run for his money ?
401
00:30:31,838 --> 00:30:36,339
Monsieur Beaucaire !
Milo, this is you !
402
00:30:36,339 --> 00:30:39,842
A full-bottomed wig, lots of beauty spots,
403
00:30:41,843 --> 00:30:44,344
and all the snuff you could want.
404
00:30:46,345 --> 00:30:48,847
Oh, groovy !
405
00:30:48,847 --> 00:30:52,850
Look. I might even do
the whole thing in drag.
406
00:30:55,850 --> 00:30:58,352
Kiss me, you fool.
407
00:30:59,853 --> 00:31:02,855
I can fight it no longer, Darling.
408
00:31:02,855 --> 00:31:07,858
If you must go, don't look back.
Andrew--
409
00:31:07,858 --> 00:31:10,359
Jesus Christ ! Who's that ?
410
00:31:10,359 --> 00:31:13,361
So that's where you've been,
auntie Maude. Naughty girl.
411
00:31:13,361 --> 00:31:15,362
Shall we decide on the dress then ?
412
00:31:15,362 --> 00:31:19,364
- No, I don't like it.
- Oh, well, you are a
choosy one, aren't you ?
413
00:31:19,364 --> 00:31:21,866
There doesn't seem to be
a very great deal left.
414
00:31:21,866 --> 00:31:24,868
We'll just have to settle for Joey.
415
00:31:25,868 --> 00:31:28,871
Joey !
416
00:31:28,871 --> 00:31:31,372
Now you're talking. A clown !
417
00:31:31,872 --> 00:31:34,873
Can't you see it all-- the sawdust ring,
418
00:31:34,873 --> 00:31:37,876
the tinsel, the glitter, the lights ?
419
00:31:37,876 --> 00:31:40,376
The elephants, the high wire,
the roar of the crowd.
420
00:31:40,376 --> 00:31:42,377
Merry Milo Tindle, the kiddies' delight !
421
00:31:42,878 --> 00:31:46,380
- This is all right.
- Off with your jacket !
422
00:31:47,381 --> 00:31:49,883
- That's right. Your shirt
and your trousers.
- What for ?
423
00:31:49,883 --> 00:31:53,385
Oh, we don't want the Police to find
any fibers from this beautiful cloth.
424
00:31:53,385 --> 00:31:55,886
You've no idea how clever they are
in those laboratories of theirs.
425
00:31:55,886 --> 00:31:58,887
- We won't take any risks, you and I.
- That's right.
426
00:31:58,887 --> 00:32:00,888
Down to your smalls. Don't be shy.
427
00:32:02,390 --> 00:32:06,892
I know a well brought-up boy
when I see one !
428
00:32:07,392 --> 00:32:09,393
Folds his trousers at night !
429
00:32:09,393 --> 00:32:15,397
170,000 pounds
430
00:32:15,897 --> 00:32:19,399
tax-a-free cash
431
00:32:19,399 --> 00:32:24,903
Eccomilo
Eccomilo
432
00:32:24,903 --> 00:32:27,905
Hey ! Slap shoes !
433
00:32:27,905 --> 00:32:29,906
Do you know, I've always
wanted a pair of these,
434
00:32:29,906 --> 00:32:32,908
ever since my father took me to
the Palladium when I was a kid.
435
00:32:32,908 --> 00:32:35,910
I might have got on in show business,
you know. You never know.
436
00:32:35,910 --> 00:32:38,911
A lot of my friends did. They
got to the top. You know how ?
437
00:32:39,410 --> 00:32:42,412
They danced their way in.
Danced their way in.
438
00:32:44,414 --> 00:32:47,416
You know, I guess that vaudeville's
loss was hairdressing's gain.
439
00:32:47,916 --> 00:32:50,417
- Talking of gain, are we ready ?
- Yes !
440
00:32:50,417 --> 00:32:53,920
Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention, please !
441
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,421
The Grand Parade !
442
00:33:07,428 --> 00:33:13,064
Make way for Tindolini,
The kiddies' favorite !
443
00:33:13,064 --> 00:33:16,567
Crazier than Kelly !
Greater than Grock !
444
00:33:17,066 --> 00:33:20,068
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
in the center ring,
445
00:33:20,068 --> 00:33:24,571
The king of the clowns,
Milo, the merry madcap !
446
00:33:28,073 --> 00:33:30,574
- He thinks I'm funny !
- Oh, you are funny.
447
00:33:30,574 --> 00:33:34,077
Turn it off !
448
00:33:34,077 --> 00:33:37,578
Now, then. One glass cutter
for breaking in with.
449
00:33:38,078 --> 00:33:42,582
One piece of putty for holding on
to the piece of glass so it doesn't
clatter to the ground...
450
00:33:42,582 --> 00:33:46,584
and awake the ravenous Doberman Pinscher
you suspect lurks inside.
451
00:33:46,584 --> 00:33:49,085
- And one stethoscope.
- Stethoscope ?
452
00:33:49,085 --> 00:33:53,087
Safebreakers, for the use of.
The theory is, you tried to
pick the lock of the safe...
453
00:33:53,588 --> 00:33:57,091
By listening to the tumblers-- you failed
and had to resort to dynamite.
454
00:33:57,591 --> 00:34:02,092
- Dynamite ? What for ?
- Safes, for the blowing open of.
But leave that to me.
455
00:34:02,092 --> 00:34:08,096
Now, how about a bizarre touch ?
A tear-drenched pom-pom impaled
upon a splinter of glass ?
456
00:34:08,096 --> 00:34:10,097
Why not take a full-page ad in the Times...
457
00:34:10,097 --> 00:34:12,600
And sell tickets for the cops
to come and watch ?
458
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:16,101
Pom-poms. I was only trying to lighten
Inspector Plodder's day for him,
459
00:34:16,101 --> 00:34:19,102
but if you don't like--
- There is no such animal as
Inspector Plodder...
460
00:34:19,102 --> 00:34:21,104
outside your detective stories !
461
00:34:21,605 --> 00:34:25,607
It'll probably be some sharp-eyed bloke
who knows his job down to the last detail !
462
00:34:26,106 --> 00:34:28,107
You can bet your bottom dollar on that !
463
00:34:28,107 --> 00:34:31,110
And I can't move in this outfit !
These bloody boots are ridiculous !
464
00:34:31,611 --> 00:34:36,112
But you loved them so ! Do keep them on !
Can't you see the headlines ?
465
00:34:36,112 --> 00:34:38,115
"Wiltshire paralyzed, Police baffled.
466
00:34:38,115 --> 00:34:40,115
Where will Big Boot strike next ?"
467
00:34:40,115 --> 00:34:42,616
Right in the ass, that's where-- mine.
468
00:34:42,616 --> 00:34:47,620
All those boots will tell the police
is that a true professional,
469
00:34:47,620 --> 00:34:50,621
realizing that the flower beds
would carry footprints,
470
00:34:50,621 --> 00:34:52,622
decided to disguise his own.
471
00:34:53,122 --> 00:34:56,125
Now, do come along.
Now, have you got everything ?
472
00:34:56,125 --> 00:34:59,626
- Glass cutter, putty...
- Yes, yes, yes.
473
00:34:59,626 --> 00:35:02,629
- And the stethoscope ?
- I've got everything.
474
00:35:02,629 --> 00:35:05,129
Oh, Milo, you are marvelous.
475
00:35:05,129 --> 00:35:09,632
- You are the complete clown.
- Thank you.
476
00:35:12,134 --> 00:35:14,135
Very clever !
477
00:35:14,135 --> 00:35:17,136
Now, come along with me
and listen carefully.
478
00:35:20,639 --> 00:35:24,641
Go around the house to your left,
and cross the lawn diagonally.
479
00:35:24,641 --> 00:35:27,143
In the far corner you'll find a shed.
In the shed you'll find a ladder.
480
00:35:27,143 --> 00:35:30,645
Bring it back here and lean it up against
the great window in the main room...
481
00:35:30,645 --> 00:35:34,146
so that you can break in on the upper
landing-- understanding ?
482
00:35:35,648 --> 00:35:37,649
- Upperlanding ?
- Yes.
483
00:35:37,649 --> 00:35:40,650
I suppose you couldn't come and hold
the ladder steady for me, could you ?
484
00:35:41,150 --> 00:35:44,152
Certainly not. I don't want my
footprints in the flower beds.
485
00:35:44,152 --> 00:35:46,654
- I'm not very good at heights.
- Well, don't look down.
486
00:35:46,654 --> 00:35:50,656
Concentrate instead on thick
bundles of crisp pound notes,
487
00:35:50,656 --> 00:35:54,158
170,000 of them, in cash, tax-free.
488
00:35:54,158 --> 00:35:56,159
Good luck, partner.
489
00:36:00,663 --> 00:36:04,163
- Don't forget your gloves.
- What a way to make a living.
490
00:38:04,234 --> 00:38:06,235
Puss, Puss, Puss.
491
00:38:06,235 --> 00:38:09,737
Did you hear a noise, Puss, hmm ?
492
00:38:09,737 --> 00:38:12,740
Was that a footstep in the garden ?
493
00:38:12,740 --> 00:38:16,742
No, no. I must be mistaken.
There it is again.
494
00:38:39,756 --> 00:38:41,757
What's that ?
495
00:38:41,757 --> 00:38:45,258
Somebody outside, prowling around
the grounds, I'm certain of it.
496
00:39:21,279 --> 00:39:24,783
Now, now, now. We mustn't imagine things.
497
00:39:25,282 --> 00:39:28,784
Who would harm a kindly
old spinster like me ?
498
00:39:28,784 --> 00:39:32,286
The front door's locked
and the windows too.
499
00:39:32,286 --> 00:39:37,789
Aye, no one could possibly
break into our snug little home.
500
00:39:43,793 --> 00:39:47,294
For Christ's sake, Milo !
They couldn't have made
more noise on D-Day !
501
00:39:47,294 --> 00:39:51,297
The bloody glass came out, me
bloody boot got stuck, and I
fell down the bloody ladder !
502
00:39:51,797 --> 00:39:54,799
Well, the bloody Police must have heard
it all the way to bloody Salisbury !
503
00:39:54,799 --> 00:39:57,301
I'm sorry !
504
00:40:45,830 --> 00:40:48,330
Somehow I thought you'd be better
than that at climbing ladders.
505
00:40:54,835 --> 00:40:57,836
- Now for the jewels.
- Oh, not straightaway.
506
00:40:57,836 --> 00:41:02,840
You're not supposed to know where they are.
You have to hunt about a bit first.
507
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:07,842
Disturb a few things. If you'd be good
enough to follow me, Miss Rebecca.
508
00:41:18,849 --> 00:41:20,850
A turnstile into the bedrooms ?
509
00:41:20,850 --> 00:41:24,852
One way or another,
one always pays to get in.
510
00:41:31,388 --> 00:41:35,391
The Mistress's bedroom--
or would you know your way about ?
511
00:41:35,391 --> 00:41:39,894
- The Mistress or her bedroom ?
- It's irrelevant.
512
00:41:39,894 --> 00:41:43,396
Now, Milo, where to begin, hmm ?
513
00:41:43,396 --> 00:41:47,899
The bottom drawer, the trousseau drawer ?
514
00:41:47,899 --> 00:41:52,901
Ah, the frillies !
Take 'em out ! Vandalize them !
515
00:41:52,901 --> 00:41:56,403
Come on, Milo. You're a burglar,
not a Lady's maid.
516
00:41:56,903 --> 00:42:00,906
Don't pack them. Ravage them !
Come on, Milo !
517
00:42:02,907 --> 00:42:07,911
Oh, excellent. Now tear that.
That's better !
518
00:42:07,911 --> 00:42:12,412
Now, where would Milady hide the trophies
of her skilled accomplishments, hmm ?
519
00:42:12,912 --> 00:42:16,415
Her rubies, emeralds, diamonds, sapphires...
520
00:42:16,415 --> 00:42:20,417
Interleaved among her
lace-edged underclothes,
521
00:42:20,417 --> 00:42:23,919
Stuffed into the false bottoms of hat boxes,
522
00:42:23,919 --> 00:42:28,923
Sewn into the hems of always
the latest, had-to-have,
523
00:42:28,923 --> 00:42:30,923
at-once-discarded Parisian dresses.
524
00:42:30,923 --> 00:42:33,925
Or perhaps secretly...
525
00:42:33,925 --> 00:42:37,426
concealed in the back of this.
526
00:42:37,426 --> 00:42:39,928
What better safe deposit for deceit, hmm ?
527
00:42:39,928 --> 00:42:43,931
How often has it reflected
the bright eyes that betray ?
528
00:42:43,931 --> 00:42:48,433
The mouth that lied
and kissed and lied again !
529
00:42:48,433 --> 00:42:51,935
I thought it was me who was supposed
to be doing the ravaging.
530
00:42:51,935 --> 00:42:54,436
So it was, so it was.
Merely demonstrating, I was.
531
00:42:54,937 --> 00:42:59,940
- Be a good fellow. Stamp on that, will you ?
- Why me ?
532
00:42:59,940 --> 00:43:03,442
I'm afraid if I broke it, I'd get
seven more years of Marguerite.
533
00:43:04,442 --> 00:43:07,445
Thank you.
534
00:43:13,448 --> 00:43:15,950
- Now where's your bedroom ?
- M-mine ?
535
00:43:15,950 --> 00:43:19,451
- It's my turn to demonstrate.
- Oh, my dear Milo.
536
00:43:19,451 --> 00:43:22,954
Having failed to find the jewels among
the Lady's personal possessions--
537
00:43:22,954 --> 00:43:25,956
Be a bit suspicious-- a professional
burglar playing favorites.
538
00:43:25,956 --> 00:43:29,457
On the contrary. An intelligent
burglar would immediately look...
539
00:43:29,457 --> 00:43:31,458
for the next-most-likely hiding place.
- Which is where ?
540
00:43:31,458 --> 00:43:36,461
The inevitable safe. Just blow it
open and steal what's in it.
541
00:43:36,461 --> 00:43:38,463
Come on, Milo.
542
00:43:38,963 --> 00:43:40,464
Right.
543
00:43:48,970 --> 00:43:51,970
- What kind of charge you got here ?
- Oh, enough for the job.
544
00:43:52,470 --> 00:43:55,973
I learned about explosives for the
Diary of the Dynamited Duchess.
545
00:43:55,973 --> 00:43:58,975
Ready ? Stand by for the countdown.
546
00:44:02,477 --> 00:44:04,979
Five, a-four,
547
00:44:04,979 --> 00:44:07,980
a-three, a-two, a-one,
548
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,448
a-blastoff.
549
00:44:41,967 --> 00:44:44,468
I've got it. I've got it !
550
00:44:50,472 --> 00:44:52,974
What are you shaking it for ?
It's a jewel box, not a maraca.
551
00:44:52,974 --> 00:44:55,474
I thought it might have a secret
catch. It's locked, you see.
552
00:44:55,975 --> 00:44:58,976
Well, smash it open ! Jesus, you
have all the killer instinct...
553
00:44:58,976 --> 00:45:03,980
of a 20-year old seal'yham.
- It's a very pretty box.
It seems such a waste.
554
00:45:15,485 --> 00:45:16,988
Dear God.
555
00:45:17,487 --> 00:45:19,989
Moses looks upon the promised land.
556
00:45:25,492 --> 00:45:27,493
They're fantastic.
557
00:45:37,999 --> 00:45:41,002
- Look at this ruby necklace.
- Never much cared for it myself.
558
00:45:41,002 --> 00:45:44,003
Always thought it made Marguerite
look like a blood sacrifice.
559
00:45:45,504 --> 00:45:48,505
I wish my old man could see these.
560
00:45:48,505 --> 00:45:51,008
He never knew what it was all about,
561
00:45:51,008 --> 00:45:55,509
sitting there every night,
hunched over those watches of his,
562
00:45:55,509 --> 00:46:00,013
squinting his eyesight away, and for what ?
563
00:46:00,512 --> 00:46:04,514
To give me an education at
a second-rate public school.
564
00:46:06,516 --> 00:46:11,519
I suppose he thought he had to,
that he owed it to me...
565
00:46:11,519 --> 00:46:15,521
And the brand-new anglo-saxon
world he'd adopted.
566
00:46:18,023 --> 00:46:20,524
Silly old bugger.
Never thought his son...
567
00:46:21,024 --> 00:46:23,026
would be tucking a fortune
away into his pocket then.
568
00:46:24,527 --> 00:46:26,528
Family reminiscence,
no matter how touching,
569
00:46:26,528 --> 00:46:30,031
is something we just haven't got time
for at the moment, do you mind ?
570
00:46:36,033 --> 00:46:38,535
Now, this is the fun bit,
where the householder,
571
00:46:38,535 --> 00:46:41,536
wrenched from his dreams
by the sound of the explosion,
572
00:46:41,536 --> 00:46:44,038
surprises the burglar, and,
in the ensuing fight,
573
00:46:44,538 --> 00:46:46,039
the house is sacked.
574
00:46:46,039 --> 00:46:50,042
Why is it necessary for you
to surprise me at all ?
575
00:46:50,042 --> 00:46:54,545
Because, if I've seen you at close quarters,
I can always describe you to the Police.
576
00:46:54,545 --> 00:46:56,545
Wrongly.
577
00:46:57,046 --> 00:46:59,546
"Did you get a good look at
the intruder's face, sir ?"
578
00:46:59,546 --> 00:47:01,548
"Yes, Inspector, I did.
579
00:47:01,548 --> 00:47:05,051
I don't know if it was a trick of the
light, but somehow his face seemed...
580
00:47:05,051 --> 00:47:08,052
not wholly human--"
- How much sacking do you want done ?
581
00:47:08,052 --> 00:47:11,055
Oh, a decent bit, I think--
a few chairs upturned,
582
00:47:11,055 --> 00:47:13,056
ornaments put to the sword,
that sort of thing, you know.
583
00:47:13,056 --> 00:47:15,057
Convincing but not carthaginian.
584
00:47:25,562 --> 00:47:28,065
Surely you don't call that convincing.
585
00:47:28,065 --> 00:47:30,066
Milo.
586
00:47:37,569 --> 00:47:41,571
Let literature fly to the four winds !
587
00:47:41,571 --> 00:47:47,075
Let the contents of drawers
be strewn like autumn leaves !
588
00:48:06,586 --> 00:48:08,588
Hey, that's my new manuscript !
589
00:48:15,591 --> 00:48:17,593
Let my secretary sort it out.
590
00:48:30,100 --> 00:48:32,601
- Enough ?
- For a starter.
591
00:48:32,601 --> 00:48:38,105
Now let's see what accident does to
artifice seconds out of the ring.
592
00:48:38,105 --> 00:48:42,607
- What seconds ? What for ?
- The ensuing fight, remember ?
593
00:48:44,608 --> 00:48:47,110
- Hey !
- Well, you're the underdog, aren't you ?
594
00:48:47,610 --> 00:48:50,145
Got the support of the crowd, haven't you ?
What more do you want ?
595
00:48:55,148 --> 00:48:58,151
My wife's gonna have a baby.
Now, listen, don't get het up.
596
00:48:58,151 --> 00:49:01,151
This fight is fixed, remember ?
This is where I take a dive,
597
00:49:01,151 --> 00:49:03,652
and you knock me out cold !
598
00:49:04,652 --> 00:49:06,654
- For real ?
- Naturally.
599
00:49:06,654 --> 00:49:09,156
When the Police come, I have
to show them a real lump.
600
00:49:09,156 --> 00:49:11,657
Yes, I thought you'd like this bit.
601
00:49:11,657 --> 00:49:13,658
You're dead right.
602
00:49:13,658 --> 00:49:16,161
Now, what shall I use ?
603
00:49:16,161 --> 00:49:18,662
Not my opaline, if you don't mind.
604
00:49:21,162 --> 00:49:25,165
There it is !
The original blunt instrument.
605
00:49:25,665 --> 00:49:29,667
- The poker. Right. Now,
where do you want it ?
- Now, steady.
606
00:49:29,667 --> 00:49:33,170
Don't get carried away. It's not a murder
weapon we're talking about, you know.
607
00:49:33,170 --> 00:49:35,172
- No ?
- No ! We're discussing an object...
608
00:49:35,172 --> 00:49:38,173
from which I receive in the classic
formula a glancing blow...
609
00:49:38,674 --> 00:49:41,175
which will raise a lump without
actually cracking the cranium !
610
00:49:41,175 --> 00:49:45,676
Why don't I just keep tapping
you lightly on the head with the
poker until the lump comes up.
611
00:49:45,676 --> 00:49:48,179
Quite frankly, I've rather gone off
the whole thing now. I know !
612
00:49:48,679 --> 00:49:52,181
You can always tie me up and gag me and
leave me to be found by the cleaning woman.
613
00:49:52,181 --> 00:49:55,184
"Lords a' mercy, Mr. Wyke !
Whatever do we be doin' there ?
614
00:49:55,184 --> 00:49:58,185
All trussed up like a turkey !
Mm-mm-mm."
615
00:50:01,686 --> 00:50:06,689
"Oh, God bless ya, sir. You're
tryin' out somethin' for one
of them creepy books of yours."
616
00:50:06,689 --> 00:50:10,191
"I know ! Don't you mind me.
I won't disturb ye.
617
00:50:10,191 --> 00:50:13,194
I'll just be gettin' on with me dustin'."
- Andrew,
618
00:50:13,194 --> 00:50:16,195
If I don't knock you out,
619
00:50:16,195 --> 00:50:19,698
- How have I tied you up ?
- That's a very good question.
620
00:50:19,698 --> 00:50:22,199
Come to think of it, you could
always hold a gun on me.
621
00:50:22,199 --> 00:50:27,702
But we professional burglars don't fancy
firearms much. We are English, after all.
622
00:50:27,702 --> 00:50:30,703
You could always conquer
your anglo-saxon scruples.
623
00:50:30,703 --> 00:50:35,707
Besides, it would be my own revolver that
you'd taken from me during the struggle.
624
00:50:35,707 --> 00:50:39,209
- Is that loaded ?
- Well, of course. What'd be
the use of it otherwise ?
625
00:50:39,209 --> 00:50:42,710
And I think it ought to go off
once or twice as we tussle,
626
00:50:42,710 --> 00:50:45,712
blowing to smithereens the usual
priceless heirlooms, hmm ?
627
00:50:45,712 --> 00:50:49,714
- Why ?
- To lend credence to my story
of your holding it on me...
628
00:50:49,714 --> 00:50:52,717
While you gagged me and
tied me up, all right ?
629
00:50:52,717 --> 00:50:54,718
Yeah. Yeah, I suppose so.
630
00:50:54,718 --> 00:50:57,219
There. Right.
Now, what to sacrifice ?
631
00:50:58,720 --> 00:51:01,722
What about this old codger up here ?
632
00:51:01,722 --> 00:51:05,723
Put that down at once !
That's my Edgar Allan Poe award,
633
00:51:05,723 --> 00:51:07,724
given to me by the Mystery
Writers of America...
634
00:51:07,724 --> 00:51:11,644
for one of Merridew's greatest triumphs,
the Slaying of Jack Spratt.
635
00:51:11,644 --> 00:51:14,646
Ironically enough, for
one who could eat no fat,
636
00:51:14,646 --> 00:51:17,648
he was murdered by an injection
of concentrated cholesterol.
637
00:51:18,148 --> 00:51:20,650
Now,
638
00:51:21,150 --> 00:51:25,486
what do you say to the demolition of
that gaudy old swansea puzzle jug ?
639
00:51:34,992 --> 00:51:38,994
- Puzzle jug ?
- To solve the puzzle,
pour some water out of it.
640
00:51:46,914 --> 00:51:50,417
Very funny.
641
00:51:50,417 --> 00:51:54,420
Marguerite thought it clever, which ought
to tell you something about Marguerite.
642
00:51:54,919 --> 00:51:56,421
Let us expose its shortcoming.
643
00:51:59,923 --> 00:52:02,425
Well, you might have said
"good shot."
644
00:52:02,425 --> 00:52:05,926
You bloody maniac !
You could have killed me !
645
00:52:05,926 --> 00:52:10,429
Tosh ! Not dead-eye Wyke,
The demon gunman of Cloak Manor.
646
00:52:10,429 --> 00:52:12,430
Now, what next ?
647
00:52:14,931 --> 00:52:19,350
Ah ! The last tender memento
of our venetian honeymoon.
648
00:52:20,351 --> 00:52:22,770
I will not resist the temptation.
649
00:52:25,270 --> 00:52:30,774
Shucks, gosh-darn it if I ain't
missed the doggone critter.
650
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:42,281
- You hit what you were
aiming for, all right.
- Don't be peevish, Milo.
651
00:52:42,281 --> 00:52:45,282
There's nothing like a little
bit of mayhem to cheer one up.
652
00:52:45,282 --> 00:52:48,284
- Did you ever know Charlie Begby ?
- You know damn well I didn't.
653
00:52:48,284 --> 00:52:52,286
He was the very finest
shot I ever did see.
654
00:52:52,286 --> 00:52:56,789
I once saw him bag six ducks with
one shot when he was blind drunk.
655
00:52:56,789 --> 00:53:00,207
Only thing was, they were china ducks
in his Auntie's drawing room.
656
00:53:00,207 --> 00:53:03,711
And I said,
"Charlie, you can't do that.
It's the closed season."
657
00:53:06,711 --> 00:53:09,713
Told you, he always laughs at my jokes.
658
00:53:09,713 --> 00:53:12,215
Even the bad ones.
659
00:53:12,215 --> 00:53:15,216
True. It's not as funny as all that.
660
00:53:15,216 --> 00:53:19,720
There's an open season all year
round for some creatures,
661
00:53:19,720 --> 00:53:22,221
seducers and wife stealers, for example.
662
00:53:22,221 --> 00:53:24,689
Now, that's a bad italian joke.
663
00:53:24,689 --> 00:53:27,106
You should know. It's your
country of origin, is it not ?
664
00:53:27,106 --> 00:53:29,108
No, actually, I'm English.
665
00:53:29,608 --> 00:53:31,609
I was born here, in England.
666
00:53:31,609 --> 00:53:34,027
Were you now, actually ?
667
00:53:34,528 --> 00:53:36,530
Where ? In dear old cradle-
of-the-parliamentary-system,
668
00:53:37,029 --> 00:53:40,031
Who-screws-my-wife-merits-
a-large-pink-gin England ?
669
00:53:40,031 --> 00:53:43,032
Sense-of-humor-fair-play
England, I mean.
670
00:53:43,533 --> 00:53:45,035
Oh, don't you believe it.
671
00:53:45,535 --> 00:53:47,535
That's the way a foreigner talks.
What he really thinks in private is,
672
00:53:47,535 --> 00:53:51,537
"Filthy, wet country.
Ugly, red, cold men...
673
00:53:51,537 --> 00:53:54,039
who don't know how to treat
their pale, pink, cool women."
674
00:53:54,540 --> 00:53:56,991
What brought all this on then ?
675
00:53:59,992 --> 00:54:02,912
- What are you doing with that gun ?
- Obviously pointing it at you.
676
00:54:03,412 --> 00:54:04,913
I can see that, but why ?
677
00:54:05,413 --> 00:54:08,330
Because I'm a-gonna kill-a you.
678
00:54:08,330 --> 00:54:11,300
You're a-gonna kill-a me ?
679
00:54:11,300 --> 00:54:15,302
Jesus ! Here we go again with
another one of your games.
680
00:54:15,302 --> 00:54:18,304
Another one ? No, it's the same one.
We've been playing it all evening.
681
00:54:18,804 --> 00:54:22,306
It's called
"you're going to die, and
no one will suspect murder."
682
00:54:25,726 --> 00:54:29,226
You mean all that steal-the-jewels
stuff was just--
683
00:54:29,226 --> 00:54:34,180
I invited you round here to set up
the circumstances of your own death:
684
00:54:34,180 --> 00:54:38,099
the break-in, the disguise,
jewels in your pocket,
685
00:54:38,099 --> 00:54:40,599
the householder aroused,
grappling with the thief...
686
00:54:40,599 --> 00:54:43,986
and gun going off during the struggle,
and then,
687
00:54:43,986 --> 00:54:45,987
the final, fatal shot.
688
00:54:46,987 --> 00:54:50,489
Knock it off, Andrew, for God's sake.
689
00:54:50,489 --> 00:54:52,990
- It ain't funny no more.
- It ain't, ain't it ?
690
00:54:53,490 --> 00:54:56,492
- Can you find a flaw in it ?
- Marguerite.
691
00:54:56,492 --> 00:54:59,494
- The cops'll trace the connection
between Marguerite and me.
- What nonsense.
692
00:54:59,995 --> 00:55:01,495
They'll know that's why you did it.
693
00:55:01,996 --> 00:55:04,497
How was I expected to know who you were ?
The law will have every sympathy for me.
694
00:55:04,997 --> 00:55:08,499
Property's always been more highly
regarded in England than people.
695
00:55:08,499 --> 00:55:12,501
Even Marguerite will assume that
you were, after all, just an
adventurer after her jewels,
696
00:55:12,501 --> 00:55:18,005
a petty sneak thief who, in the end, found
larceny less burdensome than matrimony.
697
00:55:18,005 --> 00:55:22,007
The way you're finding murder
less burdensome than alimony ?
698
00:55:22,508 --> 00:55:25,509
Ha ! Wit in the face of adversity !
Good !
699
00:55:25,509 --> 00:55:28,011
You've learned something from the English.
700
00:55:28,011 --> 00:55:30,511
Oh, and here's something else--
a sporting chance. Why don't
you make a run for it ?
701
00:55:30,511 --> 00:55:33,014
And give you the chance to
shoot me down in cold blood ?
702
00:55:33,014 --> 00:55:35,515
Hotblood, you mean.
But I'll tell you what I'll do.
703
00:55:35,515 --> 00:55:38,016
I'll close my eyes and
count up to 20 slowly.
704
00:55:38,016 --> 00:55:41,019
That should give you a reasonable
chance. Come on, Milo. Off you go.
705
00:55:41,019 --> 00:55:43,970
One--
706
00:55:43,970 --> 00:55:47,473
One, two,
707
00:55:47,473 --> 00:55:50,974
three, four,
708
00:55:50,974 --> 00:55:54,475
five, six,
709
00:55:54,475 --> 00:55:57,478
seven, eight,
710
00:55:57,478 --> 00:56:00,479
nine, ten,
711
00:56:00,479 --> 00:56:03,482
eleven, twelve,
712
00:56:03,482 --> 00:56:08,484
thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,
713
00:56:08,484 --> 00:56:13,487
sixteen, seventeen, eighteen,
714
00:56:13,487 --> 00:56:18,990
nineteen and twenty.
715
00:56:24,994 --> 00:56:26,495
You left them in that beautiful coat.
716
00:56:26,995 --> 00:56:31,497
- Oh, my God.
- Let's have you out of that car,
shall we ?
717
00:56:31,497 --> 00:56:35,499
Those lovely boots back on again, please.
718
00:56:56,012 --> 00:57:00,514
Now, of course, the only question
left to be decided is where
the Police shall find you.
719
00:57:00,514 --> 00:57:04,934
Of course, you could be lying sprawled
over the desk in the study,
720
00:57:04,934 --> 00:57:07,935
like countless colonels
in countless studies,
721
00:57:07,935 --> 00:57:10,937
or propped up in the log
basket like a rag doll.
722
00:57:10,937 --> 00:57:14,439
Which do you fancy--
early Agatha Christie or
vintage S.S. Van Dine ?
723
00:57:14,939 --> 00:57:19,443
You're talking of a murder, of killing
a real man ! Don't you understand ?
724
00:57:19,443 --> 00:57:22,444
Perhaps I shouldn't use a gun at all.
Perhaps, best of all,
725
00:57:22,444 --> 00:57:24,945
A real 1930s murder weapon,
the Mashie Niblick.
726
00:57:25,447 --> 00:57:26,947
I've got one in my golf bag.
727
00:57:50,970 --> 00:57:53,969
Dear old Mashie Niblick.
728
00:57:54,469 --> 00:57:59,472
I think you'd be found in the
fireplace in a fair old mess.
729
00:57:59,472 --> 00:58:03,976
The body lay on its back, its limbs
grotesquely splayed like a broken puppet.
730
00:58:03,976 --> 00:58:07,978
The whole head had been pulped
as if by some supernatural force.
731
00:58:08,478 --> 00:58:11,980
"My God," breathed the Inspector, blanching.
732
00:58:11,980 --> 00:58:14,481
"Thompson, you'd better get a top yourself."
733
00:58:14,481 --> 00:58:18,985
"Excuse me, sir, but was all this
violence strictly necessary ?"
734
00:58:18,985 --> 00:58:21,485
"I'm sorry, Inspector.
735
00:58:21,485 --> 00:58:25,988
I'm afraid I lost control of
myself when I saw him handling
my wife's intimate garments."
736
00:58:26,488 --> 00:58:28,490
Oh, it's too bloody elaborate.
I tell you what.
737
00:58:28,991 --> 00:58:31,493
I think the scene the Police
find is simply this:
738
00:58:31,493 --> 00:58:35,460
after the fight, you flee up the
stairs back to your ladder again.
739
00:58:35,460 --> 00:58:38,878
Go on, Milo, flee.
Up you go.
740
00:58:38,878 --> 00:58:40,881
Up you go.
741
00:58:52,388 --> 00:58:57,390
I catch you on the landing, and in
the renewed struggle I shoot you.
742
00:58:57,890 --> 00:59:01,393
Nothing succeeds like simplicity,
don't you agree, Milo ?
743
00:59:02,892 --> 00:59:04,895
On the morning of his execution,
744
00:59:04,895 --> 00:59:07,397
King Charles I put on two shirts.
745
00:59:07,397 --> 00:59:10,399
"If I tremble with the cold," he said,
"my enemies will say it was from fear."
746
00:59:10,399 --> 00:59:14,400
I will not expose myself to such reproaches.
747
00:59:14,400 --> 00:59:18,404
You must also attempt
this anglo-saxon dignity...
748
00:59:18,404 --> 00:59:21,404
as you mount the steps to the scaffold.
749
00:59:23,905 --> 00:59:25,907
Look...
750
00:59:27,409 --> 00:59:30,410
I can't give anything back, can I ?
751
00:59:32,911 --> 00:59:34,912
I mean, if it hadn't been me,
752
00:59:34,912 --> 00:59:38,414
it would've been somebody else.
753
00:59:39,414 --> 00:59:42,416
Please.
754
00:59:42,416 --> 00:59:44,918
I'll go away.
755
00:59:44,918 --> 00:59:46,920
You won't never hear of me no more.
756
00:59:52,423 --> 00:59:55,425
Why, Andrew ? Why me ?
757
00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:58,925
Don't snivel.
758
00:59:58,925 --> 01:00:01,429
I wanna know why !
759
01:00:02,929 --> 01:00:06,931
I'm amazed you have to ask.
760
01:00:06,931 --> 01:00:09,433
I hate you.
761
01:00:09,433 --> 01:00:12,935
I hate your smarmy good looks
and your easy manner.
762
01:00:12,935 --> 01:00:17,937
I'll bet you're easy in a ski lodge,
easy on a yacht, easy on a beach.
763
01:00:17,937 --> 01:00:20,439
I knew you'd wear a gold
charm round your neck,
764
01:00:20,439 --> 01:00:24,941
And I'll bet your chest is hairy
and in summer matted with sun oil.
765
01:00:24,941 --> 01:00:27,443
Above all, I hate you...
766
01:00:27,443 --> 01:00:30,945
because you're a culling blue-eyed wop,
767
01:00:31,446 --> 01:00:33,446
and not one of me !
768
01:00:33,947 --> 01:00:37,949
A creeping, hairdressing
seducer of silly women.
769
01:00:38,450 --> 01:00:43,453
A jumped-up pantry boy
who doesn't know his place !
770
01:00:43,453 --> 01:00:45,453
Did you really believe...
771
01:00:45,453 --> 01:00:49,956
I'd give up my wife and jewelry to you ?
772
01:00:49,956 --> 01:00:53,458
That I'd make myself that ridiculous ?
773
01:00:55,460 --> 01:00:57,459
Why not ?
774
01:00:57,459 --> 01:00:59,961
You're not in love with her.
775
01:00:59,961 --> 01:01:04,464
Whether I love her or not,
I found her. I've kept her.
776
01:01:05,964 --> 01:01:08,968
She represents me.
777
01:01:08,968 --> 01:01:13,471
Once... she was in love with me.
778
01:01:16,971 --> 01:01:19,973
And now, she's in love with me.
779
01:01:19,973 --> 01:01:21,973
And that's what you can't forgive, isn't it ?
780
01:01:21,973 --> 01:01:25,478
And after me, there'll be others.
781
01:01:25,977 --> 01:01:28,478
You gonna kill them too ?
782
01:01:28,478 --> 01:01:30,981
You're mad ! You're a bloody madman !
783
01:01:30,981 --> 01:01:33,482
And you are a young man...
784
01:01:33,482 --> 01:01:36,983
dressed as a clown about to be murdered.
785
01:01:37,984 --> 01:01:39,985
Put the mask on, Milo.
786
01:01:39,985 --> 01:01:42,987
- No.
- Put it on.
787
01:01:42,987 --> 01:01:46,488
No, please. Please.
788
01:01:46,488 --> 01:01:48,991
Put it on.
789
01:01:58,995 --> 01:02:03,498
Finally, at your moment of dying,
you are yourself--
790
01:02:03,498 --> 01:02:06,001
a sniveling, dago clown.
791
01:02:06,001 --> 01:02:10,503
Farewell, Punchinello !
792
01:02:10,503 --> 01:02:12,004
Please !
793
01:02:51,027 --> 01:02:55,029
Good-bye now and amen
794
01:02:55,531 --> 01:02:59,030
Here's hoping we meet now and then
795
01:02:59,030 --> 01:03:02,033
It was great fun but it was just
796
01:03:02,033 --> 01:03:05,035
one of those things
797
01:03:42,057 --> 01:03:45,559
You do
798
01:03:45,559 --> 01:03:48,561
something to me
799
01:03:49,061 --> 01:03:55,565
something that simply mystifies me
800
01:03:55,565 --> 01:03:59,068
Tell me
801
01:03:59,068 --> 01:04:02,569
why should it be
802
01:04:02,569 --> 01:04:04,569
you have the power
803
01:04:04,569 --> 01:04:09,072
to hypnotize me
804
01:04:09,072 --> 01:04:12,073
Let me
805
01:04:12,575 --> 01:04:15,577
live 'neath your spell
806
01:04:15,577 --> 01:04:18,578
Do do that voodoo
807
01:04:19,078 --> 01:04:22,580
that you do so well
808
01:04:23,081 --> 01:04:25,332
For you do
809
01:04:25,332 --> 01:04:29,167
something to me
810
01:04:29,167 --> 01:04:31,669
that nobody else
811
01:04:32,171 --> 01:04:34,671
could do
812
01:05:03,187 --> 01:05:06,190
Let me
813
01:05:06,190 --> 01:05:09,690
live 'neath your spell
814
01:05:09,690 --> 01:05:12,693
Do do that voodoo
815
01:05:12,693 --> 01:05:16,196
that you do so well
816
01:05:16,196 --> 01:05:20,198
For you do
817
01:05:20,198 --> 01:05:22,698
something to me
818
01:05:22,698 --> 01:05:25,700
that nobody else
819
01:05:25,700 --> 01:05:28,703
could do
820
01:05:30,204 --> 01:05:33,205
You do
821
01:05:33,205 --> 01:05:36,206
something to me
822
01:05:36,706 --> 01:05:42,710
that nobody else could do
823
01:05:55,220 --> 01:05:57,719
In olden days a glimpse of stocking
824
01:05:57,719 --> 01:06:00,720
was looked on as something shocking
825
01:06:00,720 --> 01:06:03,723
now heaven knows
826
01:06:03,723 --> 01:06:07,224
anything goes
827
01:06:07,224 --> 01:06:10,227
Good authors too who once knew better words
828
01:06:10,726 --> 01:06:12,727
now only use four-letter words
829
01:06:12,727 --> 01:06:15,731
writing prose
830
01:06:15,731 --> 01:06:18,233
anything goes
831
01:06:18,732 --> 01:06:22,234
The world has gone mad today
and good's bad today
832
01:06:22,234 --> 01:06:25,235
and black's white today
and day's night today
833
01:06:25,235 --> 01:06:28,237
when most guys today
that women prize today
834
01:06:28,237 --> 01:06:31,238
are just silly gigolos
835
01:06:31,238 --> 01:06:34,242
So though I'm not
a great romancer
836
01:06:34,242 --> 01:06:39,744
I know that you're bound
to answer when I propose
837
01:06:40,245 --> 01:06:42,746
anything goes
838
01:06:42,746 --> 01:06:46,247
The world has gone mad today
and good's bad today
839
01:06:46,247 --> 01:06:49,250
and black's white today
and day's night today
840
01:06:49,250 --> 01:06:52,751
when most guys today
that women prize today
841
01:06:52,751 --> 01:06:55,253
are just silly gigolos
842
01:06:55,253 --> 01:06:58,255
So though I'm not
a great romancer
843
01:06:58,255 --> 01:07:00,756
I know that you're
bound to answer
844
01:07:00,756 --> 01:07:03,759
when I propose
845
01:07:04,259 --> 01:07:06,758
anything goes
846
01:07:27,220 --> 01:07:29,222
Ah. Good evening, sir.
847
01:07:29,222 --> 01:07:31,223
I was beginning to think
there was no one at home.
848
01:07:31,223 --> 01:07:33,224
Indeed ? And who might you be ?
849
01:07:33,224 --> 01:07:36,227
Detective Inspector Doppler, sir,
850
01:07:36,227 --> 01:07:39,228
of the Wiltshire County Constabulary.
851
01:07:39,228 --> 01:07:41,730
I'm sorry to be calling so late,
852
01:07:41,730 --> 01:07:44,233
but I need to have a few words with you...
853
01:07:44,233 --> 01:07:47,732
on a very important matter.
- Well, you better come in.
854
01:07:47,732 --> 01:07:50,235
Wiltshire County Constabulary, you say ?
855
01:07:50,235 --> 01:07:52,737
That's right, sir.
I'm normally based at Salisbury,
856
01:07:52,737 --> 01:07:56,739
but, uh, your local man here asked me
to pop over and give him a hand.
857
01:07:58,741 --> 01:08:01,240
Those were the days, sir.
Tunes you could hum.
858
01:08:01,240 --> 01:08:05,243
It was a time for humming, Inspector.
Would you care for an aquavit ?
859
01:08:05,243 --> 01:08:07,244
- No, thank you, sir. I've had my supper.
- Oh.
860
01:08:07,244 --> 01:08:10,746
Perhaps you'd prefer a brandy ? Or are you
gonna tell me you never drink on duty ?
861
01:08:10,746 --> 01:08:13,250
Oh, no, sir. I always drink on duty.
862
01:08:13,250 --> 01:08:15,249
I can't afford to in my own time.
863
01:08:17,251 --> 01:08:19,752
- Caviar. So that's what that looks like.
- Yeah.
864
01:08:21,253 --> 01:08:23,255
I've often wondered.
865
01:08:31,760 --> 01:08:33,260
I can't say I care for it all that much, sir.
866
01:08:36,762 --> 01:08:39,263
Tastes like fish eggs.
867
01:08:39,263 --> 01:08:44,265
Fancy. Now, let me take that nasty
taste away with a splendid brandy.
868
01:08:44,766 --> 01:08:47,653
Do follow me, won't you, Inspector ?
869
01:08:54,272 --> 01:08:55,775
These old antiques, sir--
870
01:08:56,275 --> 01:08:58,274
very interesting, sir.
871
01:08:59,777 --> 01:09:03,778
You have, uh, quite a collection of toys.
872
01:09:03,778 --> 01:09:07,779
Automata, Inspector, and they all work.
873
01:09:07,779 --> 01:09:11,282
I wouldn't have thought there's much
point in having 'em if they didn't, sir.
874
01:09:11,783 --> 01:09:13,785
And now, as the cliche has it,
875
01:09:13,785 --> 01:09:16,785
what can I do for you, Inspector ?
876
01:09:16,785 --> 01:09:19,286
I am investigating the disappearance...
877
01:09:19,286 --> 01:09:22,288
of a Mr. Milo Tindle.
878
01:09:22,288 --> 01:09:24,289
Do you know him, sir ?
879
01:09:24,289 --> 01:09:26,292
Vaguely.
880
01:09:28,291 --> 01:09:31,794
He walked out of his cottage
late last friday afternoon,
881
01:09:32,294 --> 01:09:33,795
and hasn't been seen since.
882
01:09:34,295 --> 01:09:37,297
Really, I'm afraid I'm
not very much interested...
883
01:09:37,297 --> 01:09:40,300
in the migratory habits of hairdressers.
884
01:09:40,300 --> 01:09:42,299
So you do know the gentleman then, sir ?
885
01:09:42,299 --> 01:09:44,302
Well, I know his profession.
886
01:09:44,803 --> 01:09:48,303
I think my wife has mentioned
he had a shop in london.
887
01:09:48,303 --> 01:09:50,805
When did you last see Mr. Tindle, sir ?
888
01:09:50,805 --> 01:09:53,808
Oh, some months ago.
I wouldn't remember exactly.
889
01:09:53,808 --> 01:09:59,312
- I'd have no reason to, really.
- That doesn't quite accord
with our information.
890
01:09:59,812 --> 01:10:03,314
I wonder if you could put some water
in this brandy for me, please, sir.
891
01:10:05,814 --> 01:10:08,317
In fact, two nights ago,
892
01:10:08,317 --> 01:10:11,819
he told Jack Benn,
the licensee at the white lion,
893
01:10:11,819 --> 01:10:13,819
he was on his way up to see you.
894
01:10:13,819 --> 01:10:16,820
Barmen are notorious opponents
of exactitude, Inspector.
895
01:10:16,820 --> 01:10:19,322
Vinous gossip is their stock and trade.
896
01:10:19,322 --> 01:10:21,824
"Vinous" as pertaining to wine, I assume, sir.
897
01:10:21,824 --> 01:10:24,326
Very good.
898
01:10:35,831 --> 01:10:38,833
Then I was wondering if there was something
else you could correct for me, sir.
899
01:10:39,333 --> 01:10:40,835
What is that ?
900
01:10:40,835 --> 01:10:42,837
The impression, gained by a man...
901
01:10:42,837 --> 01:10:45,838
who happened to be passing
your house on friday night,
902
01:10:46,338 --> 01:10:48,840
that shots were fired in here.
903
01:10:48,840 --> 01:10:51,842
- Shots ?
- Three, our man thinks.
904
01:10:51,842 --> 01:10:55,341
- Car backfire.
- Oh, no, sir.
905
01:10:55,341 --> 01:10:57,844
I'm afraid that only comes in--
906
01:10:58,344 --> 01:11:01,347
saving your presence, sir--
detective stories.
907
01:11:01,347 --> 01:11:04,347
No, these were shots from a gun.
Our man is positive.
908
01:11:04,347 --> 01:11:06,768
I see. May I ask...
909
01:11:06,768 --> 01:11:10,268
why you've taken two days to come
round and ask me about all this ?
910
01:11:10,268 --> 01:11:12,771
Well, sir, uh, these things...
911
01:11:12,771 --> 01:11:14,771
always take a little longer...
912
01:11:14,771 --> 01:11:16,774
to check out than you think.
913
01:11:17,274 --> 01:11:19,774
Your local man wanted to
be sure of his facts...
914
01:11:19,774 --> 01:11:23,277
before calling me in and before
troubling a gentleman like yourself.
915
01:11:23,777 --> 01:11:26,279
Facts ? What facts ?
916
01:11:26,279 --> 01:11:29,280
Well, after, uh, our informant...
917
01:11:29,280 --> 01:11:31,782
had reported the incident,
918
01:11:31,782 --> 01:11:36,283
we thought we'd, uh, better
have a word with Mr. Tindle,
919
01:11:36,283 --> 01:11:39,286
see if he could throw
any light on the subject.
920
01:11:39,786 --> 01:11:43,287
And could he ? The way to turn that off
is to press that stop in, Inspector.
921
01:11:43,287 --> 01:11:46,291
Oh. I'm sorry.
922
01:11:46,291 --> 01:11:48,292
Thank you.
923
01:11:48,292 --> 01:11:52,293
He wasn't at his cottage all day saturday,
924
01:11:52,793 --> 01:11:54,795
nor all day today.
925
01:11:54,795 --> 01:11:57,296
We must have called there
at least half a dozen times.
926
01:11:57,296 --> 01:12:01,800
By Jove, sir, Merridew would
have been proud of you.
927
01:12:01,800 --> 01:12:04,300
Ahh. Your detective, sir.
928
01:12:04,300 --> 01:12:06,802
Oh, that's praise indeed, sir.
929
01:12:06,802 --> 01:12:08,804
I'm a great fan of his Lordship.
930
01:12:08,804 --> 01:12:11,805
Are you really ? Well, you must
tell me which is your favorite.
931
01:12:11,805 --> 01:12:13,806
I myself have always had
a special affection for...
932
01:12:13,806 --> 01:12:15,807
the Case of the Crucified Communist.
933
01:12:15,807 --> 01:12:18,811
When we stepped inside Mr. Tindle's cottage...
934
01:12:18,811 --> 01:12:22,310
to make sure that no harm had come to him,
935
01:12:22,310 --> 01:12:24,813
we found this, sir.
936
01:12:25,313 --> 01:12:26,814
"Urgent we talk.
937
01:12:27,314 --> 01:12:32,315
Come on friday evening, about 6:30. Wyke."
938
01:12:32,315 --> 01:12:35,818
May I ask, is this your handwriting, sir ?
939
01:12:36,318 --> 01:12:39,821
- Yes, it's mine, all right.
- So Mr. Tindle was here then, sir.
940
01:12:39,821 --> 01:12:43,824
- He was.
- And was there an incident two nights ago...
941
01:12:44,324 --> 01:12:46,825
as a result of which shots were fired ?
942
01:12:46,825 --> 01:12:48,827
Uh, in a manner of speaking.
943
01:12:48,827 --> 01:12:51,329
It was a game we were playing.
944
01:12:51,329 --> 01:12:54,329
Game, sir ? What kind of game ?
945
01:12:54,329 --> 01:12:56,831
It's called "burglary."
946
01:12:56,831 --> 01:12:59,834
Burglary is not a game, sir.
947
01:12:59,834 --> 01:13:03,335
Isn't it about time you told me...
948
01:13:03,836 --> 01:13:06,837
I don't know the seriousness of my position ?
949
01:13:06,837 --> 01:13:11,339
A man comes here. Shots are heard.
He has disappeared.
950
01:13:11,339 --> 01:13:14,840
Now, what would you make out
of that if you were me, sir ?
951
01:13:14,840 --> 01:13:18,344
An open-and-shut case. But things aren't
always what they seem, Inspector.
952
01:13:18,344 --> 01:13:21,344
Why, in the 'Mystery of the Drowned Dummy',
your favorite, Lord Merridew--
953
01:13:21,344 --> 01:13:24,347
I am waiting for an explanation, sir.
954
01:13:24,847 --> 01:13:26,350
Oh. Well,
955
01:13:26,850 --> 01:13:30,350
Tindle arrived about 6:30 and left
about an hour and a half later.
956
01:13:30,350 --> 01:13:34,352
- I have not seen him since.
- And nor has anyone else, sir.
957
01:13:34,352 --> 01:13:38,855
Oh, but this is absurd ! You're
not suggesting I killed Tindle ?
958
01:13:38,855 --> 01:13:41,858
"Killed" Tindle, sir ?
I never mentioned the word "kill."
959
01:13:42,358 --> 01:13:46,360
Oh, come now, Inspector.
You can't pull that old one on me.
960
01:13:46,861 --> 01:13:49,363
"Garroted, sir. May I ask how you knew...
961
01:13:49,363 --> 01:13:51,363
her ladyship had been garroted ?"
962
01:13:51,864 --> 01:13:53,864
"You told me so, Inspector."
"No, sir.
963
01:13:53,864 --> 01:13:57,367
I never mentioned the word 'garroted.'"
964
01:13:57,367 --> 01:14:00,368
I'm sorry you find us so comic, sir.
965
01:14:00,368 --> 01:14:02,869
On the whole, what we do is necessary.
966
01:14:02,869 --> 01:14:05,872
"You're just doing your job"
is the overworked phrase, isn't it ?
967
01:14:05,872 --> 01:14:07,872
Possibly, sir. Very possibly.
968
01:14:08,372 --> 01:14:10,875
"The overworked phrase." I like that.
969
01:14:10,875 --> 01:14:15,878
Your wife and Mr. Tindle have been
associating closely for some time, sir.
970
01:14:15,878 --> 01:14:17,878
Yes, I thought you'd know about that.
971
01:14:17,878 --> 01:14:22,881
- You can't keep anything
quiet in a small village.
- Perfectly true, sir.
972
01:14:22,881 --> 01:14:25,883
You're not suggesting a crime passionnel,
I do hope.
973
01:14:25,883 --> 01:14:27,884
Not with Marguerite. Oh, God !
974
01:14:28,383 --> 01:14:29,887
That would be like knifing somebody...
975
01:14:30,386 --> 01:14:32,889
for the sake of a tablespoon
full of cold rice pudding.
976
01:14:32,889 --> 01:14:35,888
I'm very partial to rice pudding, sir.
977
01:14:35,888 --> 01:14:38,392
I find it a great standby.
978
01:14:38,392 --> 01:14:40,891
That's perfect.
979
01:14:40,891 --> 01:14:43,894
"'All of you had either the means,
motive or opportunity,'
980
01:14:44,394 --> 01:14:46,897
"said Inspector Doppler,
as he thoughtfully digested...
981
01:14:46,897 --> 01:14:48,897
"another spoonful of his favorite pud.
982
01:14:48,897 --> 01:14:51,898
'But only one of you had all three !'"
983
01:14:51,898 --> 01:14:55,901
Exactly so, sir, and that person is you.
984
01:14:55,901 --> 01:14:59,904
That is divine.
985
01:14:59,904 --> 01:15:01,904
Well, I suppose I'd better
tell you what happened.
986
01:15:01,904 --> 01:15:05,406
- That would be helpful, sir.
- Perhaps another drink would be helpful too.
987
01:15:05,406 --> 01:15:08,910
I'd love another drink, sir, but I think
you'll find that the bottle is empty.
988
01:15:09,409 --> 01:15:11,911
Quite right, Inspector.
989
01:15:11,911 --> 01:15:13,912
That too can be corrected.
Do come with me, won't you ?
990
01:15:15,411 --> 01:15:17,411
Now, as you seem to know,
991
01:15:17,411 --> 01:15:19,414
Tindle was having an affair with my wife.
992
01:15:19,915 --> 01:15:21,917
Now, I belong to that rare breed of men...
993
01:15:21,917 --> 01:15:24,416
who genuinely don't mind losing gracefully...
994
01:15:24,416 --> 01:15:26,417
to a gentleman who plays
the game by the same rules.
995
01:15:26,920 --> 01:15:30,421
But to be worsted by a flash,
crypto-italian lover boy...
996
01:15:30,421 --> 01:15:33,423
who mistakes my indifference for inadequacy...
997
01:15:33,423 --> 01:15:35,424
is altogether too much !
998
01:15:35,925 --> 01:15:38,926
You mean, you couldn't bring yourself
to accept the situation, sir ?
999
01:15:38,926 --> 01:15:40,928
Is that what you're saying ?
- I mean,
1000
01:15:40,928 --> 01:15:43,929
it was the situation I refused
to accept, Inspector.
1001
01:15:48,395 --> 01:15:50,896
Playing the game is very important to you,
is it, sir ?
1002
01:15:50,896 --> 01:15:54,400
Playing the game and games-playing.
1003
01:15:54,400 --> 01:15:57,400
Yes, Inspector.
- I'm not quite sure I see the difference, sir.
1004
01:15:57,400 --> 01:15:59,902
Oh, it's perfectly simple, Inspector.
1005
01:15:59,902 --> 01:16:02,403
Playing the game is what
every gentleman does,
1006
01:16:02,403 --> 01:16:05,906
but playing of particular games
is my special passion.
1007
01:16:05,906 --> 01:16:08,409
In a way, my whole life.
1008
01:16:15,914 --> 01:16:19,913
That sounds a bit sad to me, sir.
Like a child not growing up.
1009
01:16:19,913 --> 01:16:23,414
What's so sad about a child
playing, Inspector ?
1010
01:16:23,414 --> 01:16:26,919
Oh, nothing, sir, if you're a child.
1011
01:16:26,919 --> 01:16:29,418
Let me tell you, Inspector,
1012
01:16:29,418 --> 01:16:31,920
I have played games of such complexity...
1013
01:16:31,920 --> 01:16:36,424
that Jung and Einstein would have been proud
to have been asked to participate in them.
1014
01:16:36,424 --> 01:16:40,425
I have achieved flights of the mind
and flights of the psyche...
1015
01:16:40,425 --> 01:16:43,428
unknown in ordinary human relationships,
1016
01:16:43,428 --> 01:16:45,929
and I've had a very great deal...
1017
01:16:45,929 --> 01:16:49,431
of not-altogether-innocent fun.
1018
01:16:53,934 --> 01:16:56,937
Is there nothing you would
not consider a game, sir ?
1019
01:16:56,937 --> 01:16:59,936
Duty ? Work ? Even marriage ?
1020
01:16:59,936 --> 01:17:02,437
Oh, please, Inspector !
Don't include marriage.
1021
01:17:02,437 --> 01:17:06,441
Sex-- sex is the game, marriage the penalty.
1022
01:17:08,441 --> 01:17:11,945
Round and round we jog towards
each futile anniversary,
1023
01:17:11,945 --> 01:17:13,948
pass "go,"
1024
01:17:13,948 --> 01:17:16,947
collect 200 rows, 200 silences,
1025
01:17:17,447 --> 01:17:20,447
200 scars in the deep places.
1026
01:17:20,447 --> 01:17:24,367
Are you saying, sir, that because
of your indifference to your wife,
1027
01:17:24,367 --> 01:17:27,369
you had no motive for murdering Mr. Tindle ?
1028
01:17:27,369 --> 01:17:30,374
I'm simply saying, Inspector,
that in common with most men,
1029
01:17:30,374 --> 01:17:32,873
I want to have my cookie and ignore it.
1030
01:17:32,873 --> 01:17:35,875
It was rather witty, I thought.
1031
01:17:35,875 --> 01:17:38,877
And what have we here, sir ?
1032
01:17:38,877 --> 01:17:41,878
That's just an old dressing-up basket,
that's all.
1033
01:17:42,378 --> 01:17:44,879
A traditional place...
1034
01:17:44,879 --> 01:17:48,884
of concealment, I'm sure you'll agree.
1035
01:17:49,383 --> 01:17:51,384
Only of the identity, Inspector.
1036
01:17:53,385 --> 01:17:55,386
The game.
1037
01:17:55,386 --> 01:17:57,389
Shall we go ?
1038
01:17:59,389 --> 01:18:02,891
- Shall we go ?
- Oh, yes, sir.
1039
01:18:02,891 --> 01:18:04,891
Coming.
1040
01:18:09,394 --> 01:18:12,896
Anyway, I thought I'd teach
young master Tindle...
1041
01:18:12,896 --> 01:18:15,899
a lesson for his presumption,
test his mettle, as it were.
1042
01:18:15,899 --> 01:18:18,400
You may not agree with this,
Inspector, but take it from me:
1043
01:18:18,901 --> 01:18:21,401
the shortest way to a man's heart
is through humiliation.
1044
01:18:21,900 --> 01:18:23,901
You'll soon find out what he's made of.
1045
01:18:23,901 --> 01:18:28,407
Oh. And, uh, how did you plan to
go about this humiliation, sir ?
1046
01:18:28,407 --> 01:18:30,406
To begin with, by convincing him...
1047
01:18:30,906 --> 01:18:34,908
that as my wife had expensive tastes,
and he was virtually a pauper,
1048
01:18:34,908 --> 01:18:39,413
and he could solve that problem by
stealing some valuable jewelry,
1049
01:18:39,413 --> 01:18:42,413
which I had in my safe.
1050
01:18:45,916 --> 01:18:49,918
I further persuaded him to take off
his clothes and wear a disguise.
1051
01:18:50,417 --> 01:18:54,921
Appropriately enough, he chose, out of that
basket you examined, the costume of a clown.
1052
01:18:54,921 --> 01:18:58,923
In that ludicrous outfit, he broke
into the house and blew open my safe.
1053
01:19:01,425 --> 01:19:03,425
The jewels were in this box.
1054
01:19:08,430 --> 01:19:10,929
Good thinking, Inspector.
1055
01:19:16,435 --> 01:19:17,936
Bravo.
1056
01:19:18,436 --> 01:19:21,935
- And where are they now, sir ?
- I put them in the bank yesterday.
1057
01:19:21,935 --> 01:19:24,439
- On a saturday ?
- Yes, Inspector, on a saturday.
1058
01:19:24,439 --> 01:19:26,941
I drove over to Salisbury and
put them in the night safe.
1059
01:19:26,941 --> 01:19:29,440
How very provident, sir.
1060
01:19:29,440 --> 01:19:32,943
May I ask what you did after
he blew the safe open, sir ?
1061
01:19:32,943 --> 01:19:37,946
Tindle pocketed the jewels, we
struggled convincingly around
the house as part of the game.
1062
01:19:37,946 --> 01:19:42,948
He was about to make off when I turned nasty
and revealed the true purpose of the evening.
1063
01:19:42,948 --> 01:19:45,951
This was, of course, that I had
maneuvered him into a position...
1064
01:19:45,951 --> 01:19:49,953
where, by pretending to mistake him for a
burglar, I could legitimately shoot him.
1065
01:19:51,953 --> 01:19:54,456
When you, uh, revealed your intentions, sir,
1066
01:19:56,457 --> 01:19:57,957
what was Mr. Tindle's reaction ?
1067
01:19:58,459 --> 01:20:01,960
Electrifying ! He swallowed my
story hook, line and sinker.
1068
01:20:01,960 --> 01:20:04,461
He fell to his knees, pleaded for his life.
1069
01:20:04,461 --> 01:20:08,963
but I was implacable. I put the gun
against his head and shot him...
1070
01:20:09,964 --> 01:20:12,966
with a blank cartridge.
1071
01:20:16,969 --> 01:20:19,970
You shot Mr. Tindle...
with a blank cartridge, sir ?
1072
01:20:19,970 --> 01:20:22,474
Fainted dead away.
1073
01:20:22,474 --> 01:20:26,973
My game was over.
It was the most gratifying win.
1074
01:20:26,973 --> 01:20:30,477
You actually... put a gun to his head...
1075
01:20:30,477 --> 01:20:33,980
and pulled the trigger... as a game ?
1076
01:20:35,479 --> 01:20:38,483
Call it his initiation test, if you like.
1077
01:20:38,982 --> 01:20:42,486
He came here aping the gentry,
hoping for acceptance.
1078
01:20:42,486 --> 01:20:46,986
But he had to be taught.
You don't join just like that.
1079
01:20:46,986 --> 01:20:48,987
There's such a thing as breeding !
1080
01:20:48,987 --> 01:20:53,990
The quality that breeding brings...
cannot be acquired.
1081
01:20:53,990 --> 01:20:56,493
Of course, he failed his test abysmally.
1082
01:20:56,493 --> 01:20:58,993
He may well have done, sir,
1083
01:20:58,993 --> 01:21:02,997
but he also must have been
put in fear of his life.
1084
01:21:04,496 --> 01:21:06,497
Such irresponsible action...
1085
01:21:06,497 --> 01:21:08,998
warrants a serious charge of assault.
1086
01:21:08,998 --> 01:21:12,001
I suppose that's marginally better
than the charge of murder...
1087
01:21:12,001 --> 01:21:14,002
you were contemplating a few minutes ago.
1088
01:21:14,002 --> 01:21:16,503
- I still am contemplating it.
- oh, come on, Inspector.
1089
01:21:16,503 --> 01:21:20,006
I told you what happened. After a
few minutes he came to his senses,
1090
01:21:20,006 --> 01:21:22,509
realized shrewdly that
he wasn't dead after all,
1091
01:21:22,509 --> 01:21:26,508
and after only a few too many
brandies lurched off home.
1092
01:21:26,508 --> 01:21:31,514
I'm sorry you appear to find this
all quite so funny, Mr. Wyke.
1093
01:21:31,514 --> 01:21:34,513
We may not take quite the same attitude.
1094
01:21:35,013 --> 01:21:37,516
Now, look here !
1095
01:21:37,516 --> 01:21:40,468
Why can't you see this
from my point of view ?
1096
01:21:40,970 --> 01:21:43,972
In a sense, Tindle was a burglar.
He was stealing my wife, wasn't he ?
1097
01:21:43,972 --> 01:21:46,971
Which justified your torturing
and then murdering him, sir ?
1098
01:21:46,971 --> 01:21:49,473
Of course not. Don't you see ?
It was a game.
1099
01:21:49,473 --> 01:21:52,476
Just a bloody game !
- Bloody indeed, sir.
1100
01:21:52,476 --> 01:21:54,977
I achieved what I set out to do,
and that was all.
1101
01:21:54,977 --> 01:21:56,977
- You may well have achieved murder, sir.
- No !
1102
01:21:57,477 --> 01:22:00,981
- I believe so, sir.
- No ! I've told you everything that happened.
1103
01:22:00,981 --> 01:22:02,982
Would you mind if I had a look around, sir ?
1104
01:22:02,982 --> 01:22:04,982
Crawl about on all fours, if you like.
1105
01:22:04,982 --> 01:22:07,986
Get out your envelope and imprison hairs.
1106
01:22:07,986 --> 01:22:10,486
Gather ye blunt instruments while ye may.
1107
01:22:16,992 --> 01:22:18,992
Now, I ask myself,
1108
01:22:18,992 --> 01:22:21,493
if I wanted to conceal Tindle's body,
1109
01:22:21,493 --> 01:22:24,995
where would I put it ?
1110
01:22:24,995 --> 01:22:29,496
In my good friend Jolly Jack Tar, the sailor.
1111
01:22:48,008 --> 01:22:51,010
Very amusing, sir.
1112
01:22:51,010 --> 01:22:53,011
May I ask how you did that ?
1113
01:22:53,011 --> 01:22:56,511
No. Jolly Jack and I have our little secret.
1114
01:22:56,511 --> 01:23:00,016
Then may I ask how you made
those holes in the wall ?
1115
01:23:00,515 --> 01:23:03,016
That one over there,
1116
01:23:03,016 --> 01:23:05,017
and this one over here.
1117
01:23:07,519 --> 01:23:11,021
- They look like bullet holes to me, sir.
- Quite right, Inspector.
1118
01:23:11,021 --> 01:23:13,021
So they are.
1119
01:23:13,021 --> 01:23:15,025
Oh, I understood you, sir,
1120
01:23:15,025 --> 01:23:17,025
say that you used a blank.
1121
01:23:17,025 --> 01:23:21,526
Two live bullets to set up the trick,
and one blank to complete it.
1122
01:23:21,526 --> 01:23:23,528
I had to persuade Tindle I was in earnest.
1123
01:23:23,528 --> 01:23:26,531
Oh, I see, sir. One blank.
1124
01:23:27,031 --> 01:23:30,532
Then would you just show me please, sir,
where Mr. Tindle was when you killed him ?
1125
01:23:32,533 --> 01:23:34,534
Pretended to kill him, you mean.
1126
01:23:34,534 --> 01:23:37,537
Quite so. Then would you show me...
1127
01:23:38,038 --> 01:23:40,038
exactly where he was when the bullet hit him.
1128
01:23:40,038 --> 01:23:43,040
I keep telling you, it was not a real bullet !
1129
01:23:44,040 --> 01:23:47,044
So you do, sir. So you do.
1130
01:23:47,044 --> 01:23:49,044
Very well then. Where was he...
1131
01:23:49,044 --> 01:23:52,544
when the blank cartridge was fired ?
1132
01:23:52,544 --> 01:23:55,049
He was standing, or I should say kneeling,
1133
01:23:55,049 --> 01:23:58,049
or more accurately cowering, here.
1134
01:24:05,054 --> 01:24:08,055
- About here, you say, sir ?
- Two steps down.
1135
01:24:11,056 --> 01:24:15,559
- That's it.
- Were you close to Mr. Tindle
when you fired the gun ?
1136
01:24:15,559 --> 01:24:19,061
Oh, very. I was standing over him, in
fact, with the gun against his head.
1137
01:24:19,061 --> 01:24:21,562
You see, it was the actual feel of the gun,
1138
01:24:21,562 --> 01:24:23,564
coupled with the noise of the explosion,
1139
01:24:23,564 --> 01:24:25,565
that did the trick.
1140
01:24:39,572 --> 01:24:42,574
The traditional tool of your trade, Inspector ?
1141
01:25:24,601 --> 01:25:26,600
Joke blood, sir ?
1142
01:25:30,102 --> 01:25:32,103
I don't think I quite follow, Inspector.
1143
01:25:32,103 --> 01:25:36,105
Here, on the bannisters,
1144
01:25:36,105 --> 01:25:38,107
and underneath the carpet.
1145
01:25:43,112 --> 01:25:46,111
- It's dried blood, sir.
- Blood ?
1146
01:25:46,111 --> 01:25:48,113
Where ?
1147
01:25:55,616 --> 01:25:58,119
Don't touch it.
1148
01:25:58,119 --> 01:26:00,122
That's dried blood, all right.
1149
01:26:00,122 --> 01:26:02,621
There's some more over here.
1150
01:26:02,621 --> 01:26:05,123
Someone's been rubbing the carpet. See that ?
1151
01:26:05,123 --> 01:26:08,625
Deep in the pile. That's blood, sir.
1152
01:26:11,626 --> 01:26:13,627
It's still damp.
1153
01:26:15,128 --> 01:26:18,132
Will you explain to me how that got there ?
1154
01:26:18,132 --> 01:26:20,132
I have no idea.
1155
01:26:20,632 --> 01:26:23,634
Tindle wasn't wounded or hurt in any way.
1156
01:26:24,134 --> 01:26:26,135
Well, you must believe me !
1157
01:26:28,137 --> 01:26:32,139
With real bullets... and real blood,
1158
01:26:32,639 --> 01:26:36,641
Isn't it about time we stopped
talking about games, sir ?
1159
01:26:36,641 --> 01:26:39,144
Look ! Look at the window !
1160
01:26:39,643 --> 01:26:43,145
There you can see the pane of glass
he cut out in order to break in.
1161
01:26:43,644 --> 01:26:46,647
And down there, the imprint of
the ladder in the flower bed...
1162
01:26:46,647 --> 01:26:50,651
and the size 28 boots, or whatever
the hell it was he was wearing.
1163
01:26:50,651 --> 01:26:52,649
Look, I can show you !
- Over the years,
1164
01:26:52,649 --> 01:26:56,152
my eyes have been adequately trained
to see things for themselves, sir.
1165
01:26:56,152 --> 01:26:58,655
I'm sure they have, Inspector.
I'm just trying to point out a few facts...
1166
01:26:59,155 --> 01:27:00,655
to substantiate my story,
1167
01:27:01,156 --> 01:27:04,657
like the blown safe I've
shown you in the study...
1168
01:27:04,657 --> 01:27:09,161
and like the dressing-up basket
you found in the cellar.
1169
01:27:09,161 --> 01:27:12,163
You say that Mr. Tindle
disguised himself as a clown.
1170
01:27:13,162 --> 01:27:16,665
I saw no such costume in that basket !
1171
01:27:16,665 --> 01:27:19,166
Nor have you pointed out...
1172
01:27:19,166 --> 01:27:21,668
that mound of earth in the garden,
have you, sir ?
1173
01:27:21,668 --> 01:27:23,668
Mound of earth ?
1174
01:27:26,670 --> 01:27:28,672
What mound of earth ?
1175
01:27:28,672 --> 01:27:31,673
That one over by the far wall...
1176
01:27:31,673 --> 01:27:33,673
in the shade of that cedar tree.
1177
01:27:33,673 --> 01:27:38,179
- I can't see anything.
- Well, it's there, all right.
1178
01:27:38,179 --> 01:27:41,178
I saw it before I rang your bell.
1179
01:27:42,679 --> 01:27:46,183
I think we'd better go and have a look at it.
1180
01:27:57,688 --> 01:27:59,689
Together, sir.
1181
01:28:19,669 --> 01:28:23,170
Here we are, sir. Now,
1182
01:28:23,170 --> 01:28:26,121
would you say that had
been freshly dug, sir ?
1183
01:28:26,121 --> 01:28:28,122
How do I know ?
1184
01:28:28,122 --> 01:28:30,626
Probably something that the
gardener's been doing. Ask him.
1185
01:28:30,626 --> 01:28:32,626
You'll find him somewhere, maundering about,
1186
01:28:32,626 --> 01:28:35,878
aching for an opportunity to slander
his employer-- they all do.
1187
01:28:35,878 --> 01:28:38,680
All for my part, I've always found...
1188
01:28:38,680 --> 01:28:41,180
that gardeners make excellent witnesses.
1189
01:28:41,180 --> 01:28:44,682
They're slow, they're methodical,
and they're positive.
1190
01:28:44,682 --> 01:28:49,185
Inspector, I've had just about
enough of this farce.
1191
01:28:49,185 --> 01:28:52,688
Do you really think I'd be fool enough
to bury Tindle out here in the garden...
1192
01:28:52,688 --> 01:28:56,188
leaving all that newly-turned
earth for everyone to find ?
1193
01:28:56,188 --> 01:28:58,691
If you weren't expecting us, sir, yes.
1194
01:28:58,691 --> 01:29:03,192
In a couple of weeks, with a little
grass seed or a few bulbs,
1195
01:29:03,192 --> 01:29:06,697
it'd be very difficult to tell
it had ever been disturbed.
1196
01:29:06,697 --> 01:29:09,699
We in the Police force know just how fond...
1197
01:29:09,699 --> 01:29:12,699
murderers are of their backyards, sir.
1198
01:29:12,699 --> 01:29:16,200
One's as near a murderer's heart in
a garden as anywhere else on earth,
1199
01:29:16,200 --> 01:29:19,203
eh, Inspector ?
- Excepting the bedroom, sir.
1200
01:29:19,704 --> 01:29:22,204
I think you'll find that's still the favorite.
1201
01:29:47,220 --> 01:29:49,221
There's no mistaking whose
room this is, eh, sir ?
1202
01:29:56,726 --> 01:30:00,226
My wife showers. I bathe.
1203
01:30:31,745 --> 01:30:35,248
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.
Clothing all screwed up...
1204
01:30:35,248 --> 01:30:37,249
on the floor of the wardrobe.
1205
01:30:37,249 --> 01:30:39,750
That's not like you, sir.
1206
01:30:39,750 --> 01:30:44,254
Oh ! Here's an interesting monogram--
"I-W."
1207
01:30:46,254 --> 01:30:48,756
Or have I-- Oh, I've got this the wrong way up.
1208
01:30:48,756 --> 01:30:52,760
Aha. "M-T."
1209
01:30:53,759 --> 01:30:55,760
Let me see that.
1210
01:31:00,762 --> 01:31:04,264
"Made by owen and tan credy of Percy Street...
1211
01:31:04,264 --> 01:31:07,765
for Mr. Milo Tindle, November 12."
1212
01:31:09,267 --> 01:31:13,771
Tell me, sir, when Mr. Tindle
"lurched off," as you put it,
1213
01:31:14,270 --> 01:31:17,272
did he lurch naked ?
1214
01:31:17,272 --> 01:31:20,773
And did he subsequently lurch naked
through the streets of the village ?
1215
01:31:21,273 --> 01:31:23,777
He changed back before he
left into these clothes.
1216
01:31:24,276 --> 01:31:25,778
Do you still maintain, sir,
1217
01:31:26,277 --> 01:31:29,779
that Mr. Tindle changed into the
clown's costume in the cellar ?
1218
01:31:29,779 --> 01:31:32,280
- Yes !
- Another part...
1219
01:31:32,280 --> 01:31:35,783
of the humiliation process, I suppose.
1220
01:31:35,783 --> 01:31:38,784
Then someone must have carried his clothing...
1221
01:31:38,784 --> 01:31:41,285
up from the cellar and
placed them in this wardrobe.
1222
01:31:41,788 --> 01:31:43,788
- I did.
- Why ?
1223
01:31:44,288 --> 01:31:47,789
Because I felt they'd be better off in
a wardrobe than in a dusty old cellar.
1224
01:31:47,789 --> 01:31:49,791
More convenient.
1225
01:31:49,791 --> 01:31:52,793
All screwed up on the floor
of a wardrobe ? Why ?
1226
01:31:52,793 --> 01:31:56,794
I didn't think it'd be long before he'd
be changing back-- it's all so baffling.
1227
01:31:56,794 --> 01:31:59,798
Not at all, sir.
1228
01:32:00,298 --> 01:32:03,298
You threw those clothes on
the floor of the wardrobe...
1229
01:32:03,298 --> 01:32:08,302
because you knew that Mr. Tindle would
not be needing them again... Ever !
1230
01:32:08,302 --> 01:32:12,304
That's right, sir, isn't it ?
- He changed back before he left...
1231
01:32:12,304 --> 01:32:14,307
and wore them when he went away !
1232
01:32:14,307 --> 01:32:16,808
I think you started this...
1233
01:32:16,808 --> 01:32:19,808
exactly as you say you did--
1234
01:32:19,808 --> 01:32:24,311
as a game in order to play a
diabolical trick on Mr. Tindle--
1235
01:32:24,311 --> 01:32:26,312
but that it went wrong.
1236
01:32:26,312 --> 01:32:30,314
Your third shot was not a blank,
as you had supposed,
1237
01:32:30,314 --> 01:32:34,316
but a live bullet that killed
Mr. Tindle stone dead,
1238
01:32:35,819 --> 01:32:39,822
spattering blood on the bannisters
in the process !
1239
01:32:39,822 --> 01:32:43,823
Then, when you realized what you'd done,
1240
01:32:43,823 --> 01:32:47,826
you simply panicked, like a
thousand murderers before you,
1241
01:32:47,826 --> 01:32:51,326
and buried the corpse in the garden.
1242
01:32:51,326 --> 01:32:53,328
It was very silly of you...
1243
01:32:53,328 --> 01:32:56,831
not to clean the blood properly off
the bannisters and burn his clothes.
1244
01:32:57,331 --> 01:32:59,832
I swear, Tindle left here alive !
1245
01:32:59,832 --> 01:33:02,834
At the risk of appearing facetious, sir,
1246
01:33:02,834 --> 01:33:04,834
you had better tell that to the judge.
1247
01:33:04,834 --> 01:33:06,837
Look, there's only one way
of dealing with this.
1248
01:33:06,837 --> 01:33:09,336
If you think Tindle's out in
the garden, for Christ's sake,
1249
01:33:09,336 --> 01:33:12,341
why don't you go and dig him up !
- We don't need to find him, sir.
1250
01:33:12,341 --> 01:33:15,843
If Mr. Tindle is not beneath
that newly-turned earth,
1251
01:33:15,843 --> 01:33:18,342
it will merely go to indicate
that in your panic,
1252
01:33:18,843 --> 01:33:21,845
you first thought of putting him
there, changed your mind, and
buried him somewhere else.
1253
01:33:21,845 --> 01:33:25,347
- Where ?
- Oh, that's not important, sir.
1254
01:33:25,347 --> 01:33:27,346
He'll turn up sooner or later.
1255
01:33:27,346 --> 01:33:30,350
And if he doesn't, it scarcely matters.
1256
01:33:30,350 --> 01:33:32,852
We have your note summoning Mr. Tindle here,
1257
01:33:33,351 --> 01:33:35,852
shots were heard, bullet holes made,
1258
01:33:35,852 --> 01:33:38,356
blood is on the bannisters and the carpet,
1259
01:33:38,356 --> 01:33:42,356
his clothes were hidden in your wardrobe,
and he had disappeared.
1260
01:33:42,356 --> 01:33:44,858
Who needs a body ?
1261
01:33:47,361 --> 01:33:50,862
Sir, come along, then.
1262
01:33:51,362 --> 01:33:53,364
It's time to go.
- No ! I can't believe--
1263
01:33:53,364 --> 01:33:55,866
I'm afraid-- I'm afraid, sir,
1264
01:33:56,366 --> 01:33:57,865
that I must insist.
1265
01:33:58,365 --> 01:33:59,866
There is a Police car at
the end of the driveway.
1266
01:34:00,366 --> 01:34:03,869
I don't care if you've got a fleet of
Police cars ! I'm not bloody well going !
1267
01:34:17,880 --> 01:34:19,880
Now, let's have no problems, sir.
1268
01:34:19,880 --> 01:34:23,381
Please don't make it difficult.
- Christ ! You're hurting my arm !
1269
01:34:23,381 --> 01:34:26,382
You give me no alternative.
If you'll just come quiet.
1270
01:34:26,382 --> 01:34:28,884
Can't I get my lawyer ? It's my right !
1271
01:34:28,884 --> 01:34:30,885
We can make a call from the Police station.
1272
01:34:31,385 --> 01:34:33,386
We wouldn't wanna do anything unconstitutional.
1273
01:34:35,890 --> 01:34:37,889
Come now, sir. Don't despair.
1274
01:34:38,389 --> 01:34:40,892
You may get off with as
little as seven years.
1275
01:34:40,892 --> 01:34:42,892
Seven years ?
1276
01:34:42,892 --> 01:34:48,395
Seven years to regret the playing
of silly games that go wrong.
1277
01:34:48,395 --> 01:34:52,899
Spare me the sentiment ! It didn't go wrong !
It all went bloody well right !
1278
01:34:52,899 --> 01:34:56,901
You think so, do you, sir ?
1279
01:34:56,901 --> 01:34:58,904
We real-life policemen...
1280
01:34:58,904 --> 01:35:02,404
are not as stupid as we
are sometimes portrayed...
1281
01:35:02,906 --> 01:35:04,904
by writers like yourself.
1282
01:35:04,904 --> 01:35:07,405
We may not have our monocles...
1283
01:35:07,908 --> 01:35:10,909
or our orchid houses or our deerstalkers...
1284
01:35:10,909 --> 01:35:12,910
or our shovel hats,
1285
01:35:13,409 --> 01:35:17,414
but we are reasonably effective
for all that, sir.
1286
01:35:17,414 --> 01:35:21,416
You seem to know a hell of a lot about
detective stories, Inspector !
1287
01:35:21,416 --> 01:35:25,918
Yes. I have read quite a few in my time, sir.
1288
01:35:25,918 --> 01:35:27,917
And in recent years,
1289
01:35:28,417 --> 01:35:32,420
I have come to believe
that the detective story...
1290
01:35:32,420 --> 01:35:34,923
is the normal recreation of noble minds, sir.
1291
01:35:34,923 --> 01:35:37,423
Who or what the hell are you ?
1292
01:35:44,261 --> 01:35:47,764
Detective Inspector Doppler, sir.
1293
01:35:51,265 --> 01:35:54,268
It is spelled like "Dopple,"
1294
01:35:55,267 --> 01:35:59,771
which, as I'm sure you know,
1295
01:35:59,771 --> 01:36:02,773
means "double"...
1296
01:36:02,773 --> 01:36:05,774
in German.
1297
01:36:05,774 --> 01:36:09,275
And for those whose minds...
1298
01:36:09,275 --> 01:36:12,779
run to these things,
1299
01:36:12,779 --> 01:36:15,279
it is virtually...
1300
01:36:15,279 --> 01:36:17,280
an anagram...
1301
01:36:17,280 --> 01:36:20,283
of the word "plodder."
1302
01:36:22,284 --> 01:36:24,787
So...
1303
01:36:25,286 --> 01:36:28,788
Inspector Plodder...
1304
01:36:28,788 --> 01:36:33,289
becomes Inspector Doppler,
1305
01:36:36,290 --> 01:36:39,295
if you see what I mean...
1306
01:36:44,296 --> 01:36:46,298
sir.
1307
01:36:50,800 --> 01:36:54,301
- Milo.
- The same !
1308
01:36:54,301 --> 01:36:56,805
You shit !
1309
01:37:00,807 --> 01:37:02,307
Grazie mille.
1310
01:37:02,807 --> 01:37:05,811
You all-time, knockdown,
1311
01:37:05,811 --> 01:37:08,810
champion bastard, Milo !
1312
01:37:08,810 --> 01:37:10,812
You're too kind.
1313
01:37:19,318 --> 01:37:23,820
I'm not saying it wasn't well done.
It was extremely beautiful.
1314
01:37:23,820 --> 01:37:26,822
It was very-- it was brilliant.
1315
01:37:26,822 --> 01:37:29,322
Incidentally, you forgot
to take out your left eye.
1316
01:37:34,325 --> 01:37:35,827
Now he knows I'm funny.
1317
01:37:36,327 --> 01:37:38,827
"Do have a drink, Milo." Mmm.
1318
01:37:39,327 --> 01:37:40,831
I'm sorry. Do help yourself.
1319
01:37:41,330 --> 01:37:44,332
I'll have a wash first. I'm
covered in makeup and spirit gum.
1320
01:37:44,833 --> 01:37:48,332
- Use the kitchen.
- No, I prefer the master bathroom.
1321
01:37:59,341 --> 01:38:00,841
Your very good health, sir.
1322
01:38:01,341 --> 01:38:04,344
Cheers.
1323
01:38:19,852 --> 01:38:22,854
I must say,
1324
01:38:22,854 --> 01:38:26,357
I must congratulate you, Milo.
1325
01:38:26,357 --> 01:38:28,356
It was first class.
1326
01:38:28,356 --> 01:38:31,859
You sure had me going there for a while.
1327
01:38:31,859 --> 01:38:34,360
For a while ?
1328
01:38:37,361 --> 01:38:41,364
Well, it was quite a while, I concede.
1329
01:38:41,364 --> 01:38:44,367
But I got a bit suspicious
towards the end, you know ?
1330
01:38:44,367 --> 01:38:47,368
You did go on a bit, I thought.
1331
01:39:00,376 --> 01:39:03,377
What did you think of my performance ?
1332
01:39:03,377 --> 01:39:07,380
The anguish of the innocent man,
trapped by circumstantial evidence.
1333
01:39:07,380 --> 01:39:12,383
- It wasn't a performance.
- Of course it was. It had to be convincing.
1334
01:39:12,383 --> 01:39:15,885
Apparently, I succeeded.
1335
01:39:15,885 --> 01:39:19,888
You just don't know how to lose
at all, do you, Andrew ?
1336
01:39:19,888 --> 01:39:22,890
All that crap you gave old Doppler...
1337
01:39:22,890 --> 01:39:24,891
about the gentry losing gracefully.
1338
01:39:24,891 --> 01:39:26,892
Jesus.
1339
01:39:26,892 --> 01:39:29,394
Why, I told you, you-you did well.
1340
01:39:29,394 --> 01:39:31,393
It was really good.
1341
01:39:31,894 --> 01:39:33,895
I loved your Inspector Doppler.
1342
01:39:33,895 --> 01:39:35,896
I'm glad you view...
1343
01:39:35,896 --> 01:39:38,398
the trifling masquerade in that light, sir.
1344
01:39:38,398 --> 01:39:40,399
Your makeup was damn good-- first-class.
1345
01:39:40,399 --> 01:39:42,401
You didn't do that yourself, did you ?
1346
01:39:42,401 --> 01:39:45,904
I am a hairdresser, don't forget.
1347
01:39:45,904 --> 01:39:49,905
I do have friends in the, uh, arts.
1348
01:39:51,406 --> 01:39:53,406
I suppose you, uh, sneaked--
1349
01:39:53,908 --> 01:39:55,909
slipped in here yesterday
while I was in Salisbury.
1350
01:39:55,909 --> 01:39:59,912
- Yes.
- Dumped your clothes into my wardrobe...
1351
01:39:59,912 --> 01:40:04,414
and sprinkled a little sacrificial
blood onto the bannisters, hmm ?
1352
01:40:04,914 --> 01:40:08,917
It wasn't my blood, I know
you'll be relieved to hear.
1353
01:40:08,917 --> 01:40:11,416
I got it from a pig's liver.
1354
01:40:11,416 --> 01:40:14,419
I suppose you could've used
almost any dago wine.
1355
01:40:14,419 --> 01:40:16,921
- Oh, I'll have that drink now.
- Of course.
1356
01:40:16,921 --> 01:40:20,422
- Gin and tonic, I think.
- You richly deserve it, my dear fellow.
1357
01:40:20,422 --> 01:40:22,425
Come along.
1358
01:40:24,424 --> 01:40:27,427
You know, I haven't congratulated you yet...
1359
01:40:27,927 --> 01:40:29,427
on your, uh, game.
1360
01:40:29,929 --> 01:40:31,929
- Oh ?
- It was jolly good.
1361
01:40:31,929 --> 01:40:34,431
You really think so ? Good.
1362
01:40:34,431 --> 01:40:36,932
I must say, I was rather
delighted with it myself.
1363
01:40:36,932 --> 01:40:39,433
I say, did you really think...
1364
01:40:39,433 --> 01:40:41,934
your last moment on earth had come ?
1365
01:40:41,934 --> 01:40:43,436
Yes.
1366
01:40:43,938 --> 01:40:45,937
You're not cross, are you ?
1367
01:40:47,939 --> 01:40:50,441
Cross ? I don't understand.
1368
01:40:50,441 --> 01:40:52,441
That's one of your words.
1369
01:40:52,441 --> 01:40:56,943
Look, as I explained to you,
when you were playing Doppler,
1370
01:40:57,443 --> 01:41:00,947
I had to test your mettle
to see if, as I suspected,
1371
01:41:00,947 --> 01:41:03,448
you really were my sort of person.
1372
01:41:03,448 --> 01:41:05,948
A games-playing sort of person ?
1373
01:41:06,448 --> 01:41:09,451
- Exactly !
- And am I ?
1374
01:41:09,451 --> 01:41:11,953
There's no question about it.
1375
01:41:11,953 --> 01:41:14,956
Compare your experience this weekend,
1376
01:41:14,956 --> 01:41:17,956
my dear Milo, with any
other moments in your life.
1377
01:41:17,956 --> 01:41:19,959
Now, if you're honest with yourself,
you'll have to admit...
1378
01:41:19,959 --> 01:41:23,962
that you lived more intensely in
my company than in anybody else's.
1379
01:41:23,962 --> 01:41:27,461
Now, even with Marguerite.
1380
01:41:27,461 --> 01:41:30,963
Now, we know what it is
to play a game, you and I.
1381
01:41:32,465 --> 01:41:34,465
That's so rare.
1382
01:41:34,465 --> 01:41:36,967
Two people brought together,
1383
01:41:36,967 --> 01:41:39,469
equally matched, having the courage...
1384
01:41:39,969 --> 01:41:41,470
and the talents...
1385
01:41:41,972 --> 01:41:46,473
to make of life a continuing
charade of bright fancies,
1386
01:41:46,473 --> 01:41:49,474
happy invention;
1387
01:41:49,474 --> 01:41:52,976
to face out its emptiness...
1388
01:41:53,476 --> 01:41:56,979
and its terrors by playing.
1389
01:41:57,479 --> 01:42:00,981
By just playing.
1390
01:42:02,983 --> 01:42:04,986
Haven't you forgotten
the jumped-up pantry boy...
1391
01:42:05,485 --> 01:42:08,486
who doesn't know his place ?
1392
01:42:08,486 --> 01:42:11,486
We are from different worlds,
you and me, Andrew.
1393
01:42:11,486 --> 01:42:13,490
In mine, there was no time...
1394
01:42:13,490 --> 01:42:17,490
for bright fancies and happy inventions.
1395
01:42:17,992 --> 01:42:19,491
No stopping for tea.
1396
01:42:20,994 --> 01:42:24,495
The only game we played was to survive...
1397
01:42:24,995 --> 01:42:26,998
or go to the wall.
1398
01:42:26,998 --> 01:42:29,999
If you didn't win, you just didn't finish.
1399
01:42:29,999 --> 01:42:32,000
Loser lose all.
1400
01:42:35,501 --> 01:42:37,003
You probably don't understand that.
1401
01:42:37,503 --> 01:42:40,505
Understand or not, nothing
you've said disproves my point.
1402
01:42:40,505 --> 01:42:44,506
Look at the way you chose to get back at me--
by playing Inspector Doppler.
1403
01:42:45,509 --> 01:42:47,508
Simple revenge.
1404
01:42:47,508 --> 01:42:49,511
Paying back in kind.
1405
01:42:51,510 --> 01:42:55,014
Every wop knows about that.
- Well, is honor satisfied ?
1406
01:42:55,014 --> 01:42:57,014
Score even ? One set all ?
1407
01:42:57,014 --> 01:42:59,015
"Honor" ?
1408
01:43:01,016 --> 01:43:03,019
That's another one of your words.
1409
01:43:04,518 --> 01:43:07,021
I know...
1410
01:43:07,021 --> 01:43:09,020
that you've stripped me...
1411
01:43:09,520 --> 01:43:11,522
more than naked.
1412
01:43:11,522 --> 01:43:15,025
I know... that you actually...
1413
01:43:15,025 --> 01:43:17,525
terrified me to death.
1414
01:43:19,027 --> 01:43:22,029
I stood on those stairs looking down...
1415
01:43:22,529 --> 01:43:26,032
and realizing that my-my coat sleeve button,
1416
01:43:26,532 --> 01:43:28,033
the bannister,
1417
01:43:28,533 --> 01:43:31,534
the nail on my fourth finger...
1418
01:43:31,534 --> 01:43:36,037
were absolutely the last things
I was gonna see...
1419
01:43:36,037 --> 01:43:38,539
ever.
1420
01:43:38,539 --> 01:43:41,538
Then, I heard...
1421
01:43:41,538 --> 01:43:45,042
the sound... of my own death.
1422
01:43:45,042 --> 01:43:47,544
Now, that changes you, Andrew,
1423
01:43:47,544 --> 01:43:51,047
believe me, and I still owe you for that.
1424
01:43:51,547 --> 01:43:54,047
It'll pass. It's shock, my dear fellow.
Here, let me give you--
1425
01:43:54,047 --> 01:43:57,549
I don't want an even score !
1426
01:43:57,549 --> 01:44:02,552
And don't you give me any of that
one-set-all, it's-enough-to-take-part crap.
1427
01:44:05,055 --> 01:44:07,055
My father just took part,
1428
01:44:07,055 --> 01:44:10,558
and his father,
and his father.
1429
01:44:10,558 --> 01:44:14,061
Losers, as far back as you can go !
1430
01:44:15,561 --> 01:44:18,063
Well, it stops with me !
1431
01:44:18,063 --> 01:44:20,562
With me, the Tindles start winning !
1432
01:44:22,563 --> 01:44:25,065
And others start losing.
1433
01:44:29,068 --> 01:44:31,069
You, for example.
1434
01:44:32,571 --> 01:44:35,072
Me ? Lose what ?
1435
01:44:35,572 --> 01:44:37,073
A new game--
1436
01:44:37,572 --> 01:44:41,076
My kind, my rules, played my way.
1437
01:44:41,576 --> 01:44:44,577
And to start it, I have killed someone.
1438
01:44:46,078 --> 01:44:48,579
- You've killed someone ?
- Murdered someone.
1439
01:44:48,579 --> 01:44:51,581
Committed murder.
- You're not serious.
1440
01:44:53,082 --> 01:44:55,083
Deadly.
1441
01:44:55,083 --> 01:44:58,585
It's a real game and a real murder.
1442
01:44:58,585 --> 01:45:03,588
There's absolutely no point in playing
another pretend game. Isn't that right ?
1443
01:45:04,088 --> 01:45:08,092
- Absolutely.
- We're past pretending now.
1444
01:45:08,592 --> 01:45:12,094
We'll leave that to the amateurs--
the gentleman players like you.
1445
01:45:12,094 --> 01:45:15,096
Uh, look, Milo, I think perhaps another time--
1446
01:45:15,595 --> 01:45:19,596
- It can't wait !
- All right. All right.
1447
01:45:19,596 --> 01:45:24,100
We'll play your game.
Now, whom did you kill ?
1448
01:45:24,100 --> 01:45:27,602
"Whom" ? "Whom" ?
1449
01:45:27,602 --> 01:45:29,604
Who, besides yourself,
1450
01:45:30,105 --> 01:45:34,107
is the closest to being
someone you care about ?
1451
01:45:34,107 --> 01:45:38,609
Would it be your girlfriend, Tea ?
1452
01:45:38,609 --> 01:45:41,109
Possibly.
1453
01:45:41,109 --> 01:45:44,112
Why ?
- She's the one.
1454
01:45:46,612 --> 01:45:48,615
You killed Tea ?
1455
01:45:48,615 --> 01:45:50,614
She, whose cobalt eyes...
1456
01:45:51,116 --> 01:45:55,119
were the secret forest pools of Finlandia.
1457
01:45:55,119 --> 01:45:57,121
I closed them.
1458
01:45:59,120 --> 01:46:02,123
- You--
- Yes, I strangled her,
1459
01:46:02,623 --> 01:46:05,124
right over there on that rug.
1460
01:46:05,124 --> 01:46:09,126
I strangled her.
And-- oh, yes,
1461
01:46:09,126 --> 01:46:11,628
I screwed her first.
1462
01:46:14,629 --> 01:46:17,630
You raped and strangled--
1463
01:46:17,630 --> 01:46:19,634
No, not rape.
1464
01:46:19,634 --> 01:46:23,135
She wanted it.
- You're lying !
1465
01:46:25,136 --> 01:46:28,139
You can't take me with
a crude game like this.
1466
01:46:28,139 --> 01:46:30,638
Honestly, Milo, I gave you
credit for better sport.
1467
01:46:30,638 --> 01:46:32,641
When I was here yesterday...
1468
01:46:32,641 --> 01:46:35,641
planting the blood and
clothes for old Doppler,
1469
01:46:35,641 --> 01:46:38,644
Tea showed up looking for you.
1470
01:46:38,644 --> 01:46:42,145
So I "pitched her a little woo,"
as you would've said in your day,
1471
01:46:42,145 --> 01:46:47,649
and we danced cheek to cheek to those
cornball, big-band oldies of yours.
1472
01:46:47,649 --> 01:46:50,151
I mean, who but you would have them ?
1473
01:46:50,151 --> 01:46:52,651
Anyway, it worked.
1474
01:46:52,651 --> 01:46:56,154
She got itchy, and I had to scratch,
didn't I ?
1475
01:46:56,154 --> 01:46:58,655
And afterwards she got sleepy,
1476
01:46:58,655 --> 01:47:01,156
and that's when I did it, old boy.
1477
01:47:01,156 --> 01:47:04,159
I wrung her neck.
1478
01:47:04,159 --> 01:47:06,658
She was under that freshly-dug mound of earth...
1479
01:47:06,658 --> 01:47:10,162
that old Doppler took such a fancy to.
- "Was" ? She's not now ?
1480
01:47:10,162 --> 01:47:12,662
- No, I moved her.
- Where to ?
1481
01:47:12,662 --> 01:47:17,168
The flooded gravel pit ?
Fu Manchu's abandoned glue factory ?
1482
01:47:17,168 --> 01:47:19,167
It doesn't matter where to.
1483
01:47:19,167 --> 01:47:21,667
The Police will find her in due course
if they haven't found her already.
1484
01:47:21,667 --> 01:47:24,170
- The Police ?
- Yes.
1485
01:47:24,170 --> 01:47:26,173
I phoned them about an hour ago...
1486
01:47:26,173 --> 01:47:29,173
and asked them to meet me here at 10:00.
1487
01:47:29,173 --> 01:47:32,176
They should arrive in about 15 minutes.
1488
01:47:32,676 --> 01:47:35,178
I'm sure they will too.
1489
01:47:35,178 --> 01:47:40,682
Led, no doubt, by intrepid,
downy Inspector Doppler.
- Nope.
1490
01:47:40,682 --> 01:47:43,181
It'll be a real cop, all right.
1491
01:47:43,181 --> 01:47:45,682
Detective Sergeant Tarrant
Is his name.
1492
01:47:45,682 --> 01:47:48,686
Check it, if you like.
1493
01:47:49,185 --> 01:47:51,685
I told him a lot about you, Andrew.
1494
01:47:51,685 --> 01:47:55,188
I said I knew you to be a man
obsessed with games-playing...
1495
01:47:55,687 --> 01:47:57,691
and murder considered as a fine art.
1496
01:47:57,691 --> 01:48:01,692
Your life's great ambition, I said,
of which you'd often spoken...
1497
01:48:01,692 --> 01:48:05,694
was to commit an actual, real life murder,
hide the body,
1498
01:48:05,694 --> 01:48:09,197
then leave clues linking you with
the crime scattered about the house,
1499
01:48:09,696 --> 01:48:12,198
convinced that the poor,
simple minded Police...
1500
01:48:12,198 --> 01:48:14,200
would never recognize 'em for what they were.
1501
01:48:14,700 --> 01:48:18,702
"Please, sir, Andrew wyke can't rest
until he's committed a real murder,
1502
01:48:19,202 --> 01:48:21,705
but he's gonna make fools
out of all you coppers."
1503
01:48:21,705 --> 01:48:25,206
Honestly ! Tell that to
the average desk Sergeant,
1504
01:48:25,206 --> 01:48:27,707
and you'll find yourself strapped
right into the giggle jacket.
1505
01:48:28,208 --> 01:48:31,209
Not so, in fact.
1506
01:48:31,209 --> 01:48:34,211
I told them that if they didn't believe me,
1507
01:48:34,211 --> 01:48:38,216
one look at your books and the
furnishings of your house...
1508
01:48:38,216 --> 01:48:41,216
would confirm what I said
about your obsessions.
1509
01:48:45,718 --> 01:48:48,219
Go on.
1510
01:48:48,219 --> 01:48:51,722
I also told them that two days ago,
1511
01:48:51,722 --> 01:48:56,724
your girlfriend came to my house in great
distress, saying that you suspected her...
1512
01:48:56,724 --> 01:48:59,726
of having affairs with other men
and threatened to kill her.
1513
01:48:59,726 --> 01:49:02,728
I bet they believed every word of that !
1514
01:49:02,728 --> 01:49:05,229
In the end, yes, they did.
1515
01:49:08,731 --> 01:49:11,232
My dear boy.
1516
01:49:11,232 --> 01:49:13,735
I do appreciate that
in spite of your denials,
1517
01:49:13,735 --> 01:49:16,236
you've been captivated by
the spirit of games-playing...
1518
01:49:16,736 --> 01:49:19,239
and the need, as you see it,
to win at any cost.
1519
01:49:19,239 --> 01:49:23,241
But frankly, you are trying too hard...
1520
01:49:23,241 --> 01:49:26,240
to be a big boy too soon.
1521
01:49:34,747 --> 01:49:37,748
Hello-- hello, Joyce ?
1522
01:49:37,748 --> 01:49:39,749
It's Andrew.
1523
01:49:39,749 --> 01:49:42,250
Can I speak to Tea ?
1524
01:49:45,254 --> 01:49:47,253
She-- what ?
1525
01:49:49,622 --> 01:49:51,624
Been strangled--
1526
01:49:53,626 --> 01:49:56,626
Well, where was this ?
1527
01:49:56,626 --> 01:49:58,627
When-when was it ?
1528
01:49:58,627 --> 01:50:01,129
Where was she found ?
1529
01:50:01,129 --> 01:50:03,130
What ?
1530
01:50:03,130 --> 01:50:05,631
Uh, Joyce, uh,
1531
01:50:05,631 --> 01:50:07,633
I can't understand what you--
1532
01:50:07,633 --> 01:50:09,634
Do try to control your--
1533
01:50:11,135 --> 01:50:13,636
What ?
1534
01:50:13,636 --> 01:50:16,139
The Police...
1535
01:50:16,139 --> 01:50:18,138
asked--
1536
01:50:19,139 --> 01:50:22,642
Oh, my... God.
1537
01:50:27,644 --> 01:50:30,645
You should've believed me.
1538
01:50:30,645 --> 01:50:33,146
Now, we're gonna play the game.
1539
01:50:33,146 --> 01:50:37,651
In a little over 30 minutes,
the law will arrive.
1540
01:50:37,651 --> 01:50:40,151
It's going to be your giant brain...
1541
01:50:40,151 --> 01:50:42,154
against their plodding ones.
1542
01:50:42,655 --> 01:50:45,655
Concealed about this room...
1543
01:50:45,655 --> 01:50:48,656
are four clues incriminating you...
1544
01:50:48,656 --> 01:50:51,159
as Tea's murderer,
1545
01:50:51,159 --> 01:50:55,160
including, as a final expression of
your contempt for the Police,
1546
01:50:55,661 --> 01:50:57,162
the murder weapon itself.
1547
01:50:58,663 --> 01:51:00,164
Now, are you ready ?
1548
01:51:03,164 --> 01:51:05,668
You can't make a game out of real murder.
1549
01:51:05,668 --> 01:51:08,167
We'll see.
1550
01:51:08,669 --> 01:51:12,168
Now, remember: four objects.
1551
01:51:12,168 --> 01:51:14,672
Those that you don't find,
be sure the Police will.
1552
01:51:14,672 --> 01:51:17,675
And they are all in plain view.
1553
01:51:17,675 --> 01:51:20,173
And the first object is...
1554
01:51:20,173 --> 01:51:22,678
a crystal bracelet.
1555
01:51:22,678 --> 01:51:25,177
- Not the one--
- Yes.
1556
01:51:25,679 --> 01:51:28,678
I tore it off her wrist.
It's, uh, it's inscribed--
1557
01:51:28,678 --> 01:51:32,183
All right, all right !
I know how it's inscribed.
1558
01:52:12,121 --> 01:52:13,622
- Would you like some help ?
- Yes, damn you !
1559
01:52:14,124 --> 01:52:16,624
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. So soon.
1560
01:52:16,624 --> 01:52:19,128
Now, where's my list ?
1561
01:52:19,128 --> 01:52:22,128
- Oh, God.
- Here it is.
1562
01:52:22,128 --> 01:52:27,632
"For any man with half an eye,
what stands before him he may spy.
1563
01:52:27,632 --> 01:52:30,631
"But optics sharp it needs, and clean,
1564
01:52:30,631 --> 01:52:32,634
to see what is not to be seen."
1565
01:52:32,634 --> 01:52:35,135
You said everything was in plain view !
1566
01:52:35,135 --> 01:52:38,137
Well, aren't I the shifty old sly boots then ?
1567
01:52:38,137 --> 01:52:41,140
You're not giving me anything for a chance,
you bastard !
1568
01:52:41,140 --> 01:52:43,640
Now, think, think, think.
1569
01:52:43,640 --> 01:52:47,143
It's in plain view yet not to be seen,
and optical tricks involved.
1570
01:52:49,643 --> 01:52:53,646
To see what is not to be
seen by the naked eye.
1571
01:52:53,646 --> 01:52:55,648
It's-it's microscopic !
1572
01:52:55,648 --> 01:52:59,651
Only a fragment of it is showing !
That's it !
1573
01:52:59,651 --> 01:53:02,152
The traditional tool of your trade, Inspector.
1574
01:53:08,157 --> 01:53:10,155
Why don't you ask yourself...
1575
01:53:10,155 --> 01:53:13,658
how your man "Merridick"
would go about the search.
1576
01:53:14,158 --> 01:53:17,161
Merridew ! St. John Lord Merridew !
1577
01:53:17,161 --> 01:53:19,160
Calm. Keep calm.
1578
01:53:19,160 --> 01:53:21,163
Now, think. What are the problems of crystal ?
1579
01:53:21,163 --> 01:53:25,665
Hard, brilliant, transparent.
1580
01:53:25,665 --> 01:53:29,167
Look through it, but you don't see it.
1581
01:53:29,167 --> 01:53:31,167
That's the trick !
1582
01:53:31,167 --> 01:53:34,670
Now, the only place to conceal
transparent things...
1583
01:53:34,670 --> 01:53:38,172
so as to make it invisible and yet
leave it in plain view...
1584
01:53:38,172 --> 01:53:42,175
is on or in another transparent thing
like-- like--
1585
01:53:51,679 --> 01:53:54,181
Clear as crystal.
1586
01:53:54,181 --> 01:53:57,185
But I-- I don't need to destroy this, do I ?
1587
01:53:57,185 --> 01:54:00,185
She could've left it here any time.
- True.
1588
01:54:00,185 --> 01:54:02,187
- Go on. What next ?
- Ah.
1589
01:54:02,187 --> 01:54:05,189
The next object is much more incriminating.
1590
01:54:05,189 --> 01:54:07,190
Here's a little riddle which I'm sure...
1591
01:54:07,190 --> 01:54:09,691
one of your nannies must have taught you.
1592
01:54:09,691 --> 01:54:12,691
Two brothers we are
great burdens we bear
1593
01:54:12,691 --> 01:54:15,195
on which we are bitterly pressed.
1594
01:54:15,695 --> 01:54:18,196
The truth is to say
we are full all the day
1595
01:54:18,196 --> 01:54:20,198
and empty when
we go to rest.
1596
01:54:20,198 --> 01:54:22,198
I know that !
I know that.
1597
01:54:22,697 --> 01:54:25,200
Uh, just a minute.
"Full all the day, empty when we go to--"
1598
01:54:25,200 --> 01:54:27,201
I know ! It's a pair of shoes !
1599
01:54:27,201 --> 01:54:30,702
In this case, one lady's left black shoe,
size six.
1600
01:54:33,205 --> 01:54:35,704
The other, I need hardly add,
is on Tea's foot.
1601
01:54:35,704 --> 01:54:38,708
God ! Poor Tea.
1602
01:54:42,711 --> 01:54:46,214
Poor Tea, eh ? That's better.
1603
01:54:46,214 --> 01:54:48,713
Do you know that's the first sign
of sorrow you've shown...
1604
01:54:48,713 --> 01:54:51,716
since you heard of her death ?
1605
01:54:51,716 --> 01:54:56,218
You wouldn't put it here anyway, or even
upstairs among Marguerite's shoes.
1606
01:54:56,218 --> 01:55:00,221
It's too obvious.
- Such grief is touching.
1607
01:55:00,221 --> 01:55:03,722
You really are the salt of the
earth, you know that, Andrew ?
1608
01:55:03,722 --> 01:55:06,723
By the way, that's a clue,
if you're interested.
1609
01:55:06,723 --> 01:55:09,726
"Salt of the earth" ?
Earth ? It's buried !
1610
01:55:09,726 --> 01:55:12,727
No, better the other.
Salt. Salt.
1611
01:55:12,727 --> 01:55:15,727
Salt and pepper.
saltpeter. Salt water.
1612
01:55:15,727 --> 01:55:19,232
Salt cellar. It's in the cellar !
1613
01:55:53,667 --> 01:55:56,171
You're really turned on, aren't you, Andrew ?
1614
01:55:58,170 --> 01:56:00,174
Even though the game you're playing...
1615
01:56:00,174 --> 01:56:02,673
is for your own life,
1616
01:56:02,673 --> 01:56:04,675
you're practically having it off.
1617
01:56:06,176 --> 01:56:09,179
Shoe ! Shoe. I ask myself,
1618
01:56:09,179 --> 01:56:12,680
"if I was a black shoe, where would I hide ?
1619
01:56:12,680 --> 01:56:15,680
If I was as black as your hat--
1620
01:56:15,680 --> 01:56:19,183
If I was as black as the ace of spades--
1621
01:56:19,183 --> 01:56:21,684
If I was as black as--"
- Coal !
1622
01:56:24,186 --> 01:56:26,188
That's it !
Bastard !
1623
01:56:37,194 --> 01:56:39,195
Dirty son of a bitch !
1624
01:56:43,197 --> 01:56:45,700
You're getting warmer... and blacker.
1625
01:56:46,699 --> 01:56:49,203
Must be quite a new experience for you.
1626
01:56:49,703 --> 01:56:52,702
I don't suppose "blacks" play much of
a part in the books you write, do they ?
1627
01:56:52,702 --> 01:56:56,203
Except for the odd, eyeball-rolling darkie...
1628
01:56:56,203 --> 01:57:01,207
to take his place alongside the
swarthy yid, the oily lebantine,
1629
01:57:01,207 --> 01:57:03,210
and others.
1630
01:57:18,884 --> 01:57:20,885
Oh, I'm sorry it's so messy.
1631
01:57:20,885 --> 01:57:24,888
It's only earth...
from Tea's first grave in your garden.
1632
01:57:32,393 --> 01:57:35,393
Not so bad. We're up on the clock, I think.
- Barely.
1633
01:57:35,393 --> 01:57:39,396
Well, what's next ?
1634
01:57:39,396 --> 01:57:42,899
What do you find so damned amusing ?
1635
01:57:42,899 --> 01:57:44,900
What the hell are you laughing at ?
1636
01:57:47,402 --> 01:57:50,905
- You sure you're all right ?
- Yes, I'm all right, Jack.
1637
01:57:50,905 --> 01:57:53,905
Jack ?
You simple minded twit !
1638
01:57:53,905 --> 01:57:55,908
You've been handing me the clue all along !
1639
01:57:55,908 --> 01:57:58,406
It's Jolly Jack Tar !
It's on the sailor !
1640
01:57:58,406 --> 01:58:01,908
True !
That's where it is.
1641
01:58:01,908 --> 01:58:04,412
But this time,
1642
01:58:04,412 --> 01:58:07,913
I am not going to tell you...
what it is.
1643
01:58:07,913 --> 01:58:09,914
All right !
1644
01:58:56,942 --> 01:58:59,442
He looks disappointed in you.
1645
01:58:59,442 --> 01:59:01,946
But then, it's no laughing matter.
1646
01:59:02,446 --> 01:59:03,946
Or is it ?
1647
01:59:06,949 --> 01:59:09,448
Do that again.
1648
01:59:12,952 --> 01:59:15,954
My God, he's never winked at me before !
1649
01:59:31,961 --> 01:59:35,465
I suppose the other lash is
on one of poor Tea's eyes.
1650
01:59:35,465 --> 01:59:38,467
She won't miss it. They're both closed.
1651
01:59:40,968 --> 01:59:42,970
How much more time ?
1652
01:59:42,970 --> 01:59:46,972
You've got about five minutes.
Hardly enough, I'd say.
1653
01:59:46,972 --> 01:59:49,472
There's one more thing left,
I think-- the murder weapon.
1654
01:59:49,974 --> 01:59:52,975
You strangled her over there with what ?
Rope ? A belt ?
1655
01:59:52,975 --> 01:59:56,477
A scarf ?
- It bit into her neck very deeply, Andrew.
1656
01:59:57,978 --> 01:59:59,978
I had to pry it loose.
1657
01:59:59,978 --> 02:00:03,981
You'll pay for that, I promise,
you sadistic, bloody wop !
1658
02:00:03,981 --> 02:00:06,982
I hope I didn't hear that correctly.
1659
02:00:10,985 --> 02:00:13,989
You're certain to need more help.
1660
02:00:13,989 --> 02:00:17,489
I'd hate to have to start giving
you difficult italian clues...
1661
02:00:17,489 --> 02:00:19,990
full of treachery and double meaning.
1662
02:00:19,990 --> 02:00:21,992
All right.
All right !
1663
02:00:23,993 --> 02:00:26,995
As several wops have remarked
from time to time,
1664
02:00:26,995 --> 02:00:29,494
non e oro tutto che scintilla.
1665
02:00:29,494 --> 02:00:31,999
Is that a clue ?
1666
02:00:31,999 --> 02:00:34,498
Say the damn thing again, then.
1667
02:00:34,498 --> 02:00:36,501
Non e oro tutto che scintilla.
1668
02:00:37,001 --> 02:00:38,501
No. Once more, please.
1669
02:00:39,003 --> 02:00:44,504
Non e oro tutto che scintilla.
1670
02:00:47,006 --> 02:00:49,008
Que hora ?
What's the time ?
1671
02:00:49,507 --> 02:00:51,508
No, uh--
1672
02:00:51,508 --> 02:00:54,011
Oro. Oro.
1673
02:00:54,511 --> 02:00:56,011
Gold ! Gold !
1674
02:00:56,011 --> 02:00:59,015
Oro tutto.
All gold.
1675
02:00:59,015 --> 02:01:03,517
Uh, scintilla. Scintilla.
Scintillare.
1676
02:01:03,517 --> 02:01:06,017
Uh, gold scintillates--
1677
02:01:06,017 --> 02:01:08,019
g-g-glitters--
1678
02:01:08,519 --> 02:01:10,518
All that glisters is not gold !
1679
02:01:10,518 --> 02:01:12,522
There will always be an England.
1680
02:01:12,522 --> 02:01:15,523
You strangled her with something
golden and scintillating.
1681
02:01:18,524 --> 02:01:22,027
What-- what's that ?
A musical clue. Right.
1682
02:01:22,027 --> 02:01:24,527
Now, um, golden, uh--
Golden notes.
Golden scale.
1683
02:01:25,029 --> 02:01:26,528
Golden-- golden chord.
1684
02:01:27,028 --> 02:01:29,531
It's a chord ! You strangled
her with a golden cord !
1685
02:01:29,531 --> 02:01:35,034
And like everybody does, you
hid it behind the bell pull !
No, damn it, you didn't.
1686
02:01:40,038 --> 02:01:42,538
"Anything goes !"
In olden days--
1687
02:01:42,538 --> 02:01:45,039
In olden days
a glimpse of stocking
1688
02:01:45,539 --> 02:01:48,043
was looked on
as something shocking--
Stocking !
1689
02:01:48,043 --> 02:01:50,042
Where would you put stockings ?
1690
02:01:50,042 --> 02:01:52,046
Up the-- on legs.
1691
02:01:52,046 --> 02:01:54,045
Legs-- the golden legs !
1692
02:01:56,046 --> 02:01:59,048
There's not a golden leg in the blasted house.
1693
02:01:59,048 --> 02:02:02,051
It-- is it in this room ?
1694
02:02:02,051 --> 02:02:04,551
Non capisco.
1695
02:02:04,551 --> 02:02:07,552
Oh !
1696
02:02:07,552 --> 02:02:09,554
Bastard !
1697
02:02:12,055 --> 02:02:15,558
In olden days
a glimpse of stocking
1698
02:02:15,558 --> 02:02:18,060
was looked on
as something shocking
1699
02:02:18,060 --> 02:02:20,061
Now, heaven knows
1700
02:02:20,061 --> 02:02:22,562
anything goes
1701
02:02:22,562 --> 02:02:25,564
The world has gone mad today
1702
02:02:25,564 --> 02:02:28,566
and good's--
1703
02:02:38,071 --> 02:02:40,072
I-I think I can hear something.
1704
02:02:48,575 --> 02:02:51,579
Andrew ? Andrew !
1705
02:02:51,579 --> 02:02:55,582
- What ?
- They're here. The Police are here.
1706
02:02:59,085 --> 02:03:02,086
It looks like you've had it.
They're coming up the drive.
1707
02:03:02,086 --> 02:03:05,086
- Keep them out !
- Keep the Police out ?
1708
02:03:05,086 --> 02:03:10,089
It's just not done, old boy.
But still, I'll try.
1709
02:03:10,089 --> 02:03:13,092
Just one more minute !
1710
02:03:13,092 --> 02:03:16,094
Stall them somehow ! Please ?
1711
02:03:16,594 --> 02:03:18,095
Remember:
1712
02:03:18,595 --> 02:03:20,096
"In olden days,
1713
02:03:20,596 --> 02:03:24,597
a glimpse of stocking."
1714
02:03:26,100 --> 02:03:28,099
Mr. Tindle.
1715
02:03:28,099 --> 02:03:30,603
- Olden days.
- I wasn't expecting to find you here, sir.
1716
02:03:30,603 --> 02:03:32,602
- Good evening, Sergeant Tarrant.
- A glimpse--
1717
02:03:33,103 --> 02:03:35,106
In olden days.
1718
02:03:35,106 --> 02:03:37,604
Before tights, what ? Nylon.
1719
02:03:37,604 --> 02:03:39,608
Before nylon, what ?
1720
02:03:40,108 --> 02:03:42,108
Silk.
1721
02:03:42,108 --> 02:03:46,109
Then what else ?
What... else ?
1722
02:03:53,616 --> 02:03:55,116
Clock.
1723
02:03:59,118 --> 02:04:04,121
Stockings had clocks.
1724
02:04:04,121 --> 02:04:06,123
In olden days.
1725
02:04:16,129 --> 02:04:18,130
A glimpse.
1726
02:04:21,132 --> 02:04:24,135
Now you see it, now you don't.
1727
02:05:28,837 --> 02:05:31,338
Why don't I have a go at it ?
1728
02:05:44,847 --> 02:05:46,848
Just let me tell him you're here.
1729
02:05:51,852 --> 02:05:53,852
- Andrew.
- Hmm ?
1730
02:05:53,852 --> 02:05:57,354
Is it all right if I introduce Detective
Sergeant Tarrant and Constable Higgs ?
1731
02:05:57,354 --> 02:06:01,857
Oh, yes, of course !
1732
02:06:01,857 --> 02:06:05,360
Come in, gentlemen.
come in. Do.
1733
02:06:05,360 --> 02:06:08,360
I'm--
1734
02:06:12,362 --> 02:06:14,866
Or should I say,
1735
02:06:14,866 --> 02:06:19,867
Inspector Plodder and Constable Freshface.
1736
02:06:23,871 --> 02:06:28,372
Thank you, Sergeant.
We won't be needing you after all.
1737
02:06:28,372 --> 02:06:32,376
That's all right, sir.
Better to be safe than sorry.
That's what I always say, sir.
1738
02:06:33,875 --> 02:06:36,878
Good night, Sergeant.
Good night, sir.
1739
02:06:38,378 --> 02:06:41,881
Good night, Constable.
1740
02:06:41,881 --> 02:06:43,881
Good night, sir.
1741
02:07:04,394 --> 02:07:08,397
First, I suppose you'll
want to know about Tea.
1742
02:07:08,397 --> 02:07:12,899
She did call yesterday while I was
setting up the Doppler scene,
1743
02:07:12,899 --> 02:07:15,899
and I told her about the trick
that you played on me with the gun.
1744
02:07:15,899 --> 02:07:17,901
She wasn't a bit surprised.
1745
02:07:17,901 --> 02:07:20,902
She knows only too well the kind
of games you like to play--
1746
02:07:20,902 --> 02:07:24,405
the kind of humiliation you enjoy
inflicting on other people.
1747
02:07:26,407 --> 02:07:28,408
I explained to her that...
1748
02:07:28,408 --> 02:07:31,409
I wanted to play a game and get even with you,
1749
02:07:31,409 --> 02:07:34,412
and I asked her to lend me a stocking, a shoe,
1750
02:07:34,412 --> 02:07:38,913
a false eyelash, and that bracelet...
1751
02:07:38,913 --> 02:07:40,915
that you bought her.
1752
02:07:41,415 --> 02:07:44,418
And she was happy to help,
1753
02:07:44,418 --> 02:07:46,418
and so was her flatmate, Joyce.
1754
02:07:51,419 --> 02:07:53,922
Would you like to phone Tea ?
1755
02:07:55,423 --> 02:07:57,426
She'll talk to you now.
1756
02:08:01,429 --> 02:08:04,928
But then, you wouldn't have very
much to say to her, would you ?
1757
02:08:06,931 --> 02:08:09,432
She's not really your mistress, is she ?
1758
02:08:12,433 --> 02:08:14,435
She told me...
1759
02:08:14,435 --> 02:08:16,936
that you and her haven't made it together...
1760
02:08:16,936 --> 02:08:18,936
for over a year.
1761
02:08:19,939 --> 02:08:21,939
She also told me...
1762
02:08:22,438 --> 02:08:26,441
that you are practically impotent.
1763
02:08:26,441 --> 02:08:28,444
Not at all, in fact,
1764
02:08:28,944 --> 02:08:30,944
the selector's choice for the next Olympics.
1765
02:08:32,445 --> 02:08:34,446
I warned you, Andrew.
1766
02:08:36,446 --> 02:08:38,448
I don't play games for the sport !
1767
02:08:40,449 --> 02:08:42,452
Particularly not...
1768
02:08:42,951 --> 02:08:44,951
games of humiliation.
1769
02:08:47,454 --> 02:08:49,955
I know too much about that.
1770
02:08:58,460 --> 02:09:00,462
Where are you going ?
1771
02:09:01,962 --> 02:09:03,464
I'm going to get Marguerite's fur coat.
1772
02:09:05,464 --> 02:09:07,465
She's not coming back ?
1773
02:09:07,465 --> 02:09:09,467
No.
1774
02:09:17,472 --> 02:09:19,972
I live...
1775
02:09:19,972 --> 02:09:21,974
as I want to live.
1776
02:09:21,974 --> 02:09:25,476
You know, I've been thinking of
that writer you told me about,
1777
02:09:25,975 --> 02:09:27,977
and it is my opinion...
1778
02:09:28,478 --> 02:09:31,980
that your detective stories
are the normal recreation...
1779
02:09:31,980 --> 02:09:34,480
of snobbish, outdated,
1780
02:09:34,480 --> 02:09:37,483
life-hating, ignoble minds.
1781
02:09:38,482 --> 02:09:40,485
I'll get that fur coat now.
1782
02:09:57,496 --> 02:10:00,495
You'll see.
1783
02:10:00,495 --> 02:10:02,498
You'll see.
1784
02:10:05,499 --> 02:10:07,001
Inspector,
1785
02:10:08,502 --> 02:10:11,504
I was working in my study...
1786
02:10:11,504 --> 02:10:13,505
when I heard a noise in here.
1787
02:10:15,506 --> 02:10:20,009
So I took my revolver...
1788
02:10:20,009 --> 02:10:22,509
and I came in here...
1789
02:10:22,509 --> 02:10:24,512
to investigate.
1790
02:10:26,011 --> 02:10:29,015
Here was this young man...
1791
02:10:29,015 --> 02:10:32,014
running down the stairs...
1792
02:10:32,014 --> 02:10:36,517
with my wife's fur coat over his arm.
1793
02:10:37,017 --> 02:10:39,519
I shouted for him to stop,
1794
02:10:39,519 --> 02:10:42,522
but he wouldn't pay any attention,
1795
02:10:42,522 --> 02:10:46,022
but ran on towards the door,
1796
02:10:46,022 --> 02:10:49,025
hoping to make his escape.
1797
02:10:49,025 --> 02:10:53,028
Naturally, I fired.
1798
02:10:54,028 --> 02:10:57,029
I aimed low.
1799
02:10:57,029 --> 02:10:59,532
Believe me, Inspector, I did.
1800
02:10:59,532 --> 02:11:03,033
The most appalling thing happened.
1801
02:11:04,450 --> 02:11:06,951
I shot him dead.
1802
02:11:11,454 --> 02:11:13,456
That's all right, sir.
1803
02:11:13,456 --> 02:11:15,455
Don't distress yourself unduly.
1804
02:11:15,958 --> 02:11:18,458
A thing like that could happen to anyone.
1805
02:11:33,466 --> 02:11:35,470
I can't let you go now.
1806
02:11:36,969 --> 02:11:39,971
What do you mean ?
1807
02:11:39,971 --> 02:11:43,474
Going about... Telling everyone,
1808
02:11:43,474 --> 02:11:45,474
it's just not possible.
1809
02:11:45,474 --> 02:11:49,476
Who--whom would I tell ?
1810
02:11:49,978 --> 02:11:51,477
Who'd be interested ?
1811
02:11:51,980 --> 02:11:56,479
One person would be too many, even Marguerite.
Especially Marguerite.
1812
02:11:56,479 --> 02:11:58,898
What are you gonna do then, Andrew ?
1813
02:11:58,898 --> 02:12:02,401
Shoot me down ?
Play that old burglar game again ?
1814
02:12:02,401 --> 02:12:05,402
- That's right.
- It wouldn't work now.
1815
02:12:05,402 --> 02:12:09,405
No. Why not, I wonder ?
1816
02:12:09,405 --> 02:12:13,409
Because of what really happened
after I left here last friday night.
1817
02:12:13,908 --> 02:12:17,910
Oh. What really happened ?
1818
02:12:17,910 --> 02:12:20,410
I did lurch home...
1819
02:12:20,410 --> 02:12:25,414
dazed, dirty and humiliated.
1820
02:12:25,414 --> 02:12:27,915
And I sat up all night.
1821
02:12:29,915 --> 02:12:34,919
And in the morning, I went
to the Police station...
1822
02:12:34,919 --> 02:12:37,921
and I told them what you'd done to me.
1823
02:12:37,921 --> 02:12:39,924
And one of them, Detective Sergeant Tarrant--
1824
02:12:39,924 --> 02:12:43,424
Oh, yes, he's real--
1825
02:12:43,424 --> 02:12:47,927
he took me into a little room
and we had a long chat,
1826
02:12:47,927 --> 02:12:50,429
but I don't think he paid very much attention...
1827
02:12:50,429 --> 02:12:52,929
to anything I said.
1828
02:12:53,932 --> 02:12:56,932
So I thought to myself,
1829
02:12:56,932 --> 02:12:58,934
"he's not gonna do anything
about this."
1830
02:12:58,934 --> 02:13:01,934
No. Why not ?
1831
02:13:03,937 --> 02:13:06,939
You know the answer to that
just as well as I do.
1832
02:13:06,939 --> 02:13:10,939
In his eyes, I'm just some common little git...
1833
02:13:10,939 --> 02:13:13,943
who's been screwing the wife of a
local nob and got what he deserved.
1834
02:13:13,943 --> 02:13:17,445
So perhaps the Police won't
come by as I said they would.
1835
02:13:17,445 --> 02:13:21,947
But even if they don't, they'd never
believe that burglar story of yours.
1836
02:13:21,947 --> 02:13:24,950
Not now.
1837
02:13:24,950 --> 02:13:27,949
So, you see, you've lost.
1838
02:13:29,953 --> 02:13:33,955
You can't fool me anymore, Milo.
1839
02:13:33,955 --> 02:13:36,456
I haven't believed a single word
you've been saying.
1840
02:13:36,456 --> 02:13:38,958
It's the truth.
1841
02:13:40,958 --> 02:13:44,460
- Liar.
- Phone Sergeant Tarrant
if you don't believe me.
1842
02:13:46,463 --> 02:13:48,963
You come here and announce your intention...
1843
02:13:49,464 --> 02:13:51,965
to steal away my wife,
1844
02:13:51,965 --> 02:13:54,466
you pry into my manhood,
1845
02:13:55,469 --> 02:14:01,471
you lecture me on ignoble minds,
1846
02:14:01,471 --> 02:14:05,974
and you mock the creation of my life,
1847
02:14:05,974 --> 02:14:09,477
St. John Lord Merridew.
1848
02:14:13,979 --> 02:14:15,979
Well...
1849
02:14:15,979 --> 02:14:17,980
They're all real bullets this time.
1850
02:14:21,981 --> 02:14:23,483
The game's over, Andrew.
1851
02:14:25,984 --> 02:14:29,487
I'm going home now.
1852
02:14:43,494 --> 02:14:47,497
Milo, you do see...
1853
02:14:47,497 --> 02:14:50,500
I'm not really a very good games player.
1854
02:14:50,500 --> 02:14:53,000
I mean to say,
1855
02:14:53,502 --> 02:14:57,502
never play the same game three times running.
1856
02:16:20,553 --> 02:16:23,554
Andrew...
1857
02:16:25,054 --> 02:16:28,056
Don't forget:
1858
02:16:28,056 --> 02:16:30,558
be sure and tell them...
1859
02:16:32,558 --> 02:16:36,059
it was just...
a bloody game.