1 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:31,740 Sub synch by ShooCat 2 00:02:06,297 --> 00:02:09,177 I don't know why. I've always been big on happy endings. 3 00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:12,137 To me, the most romantic, beautiful love stories... 4 00:02:12,377 --> 00:02:15,017 ...were the ones where two people meet, fall in love... 5 00:02:15,257 --> 00:02:17,897 ...then 50, 60 years later one of them dies. 6 00:02:18,217 --> 00:02:20,377 A few days after, the other one dies... 7 00:02:20,617 --> 00:02:23,336 ...because they just can't live without each other. 8 00:02:24,536 --> 00:02:28,616 Not that that's such a happy ending. You got two dead people. 9 00:02:28,856 --> 00:02:31,576 That's how I thought things would be for Katie and me. 10 00:02:32,296 --> 00:02:36,456 Not that we'd be dead, but that we would be together forever. 11 00:02:39,656 --> 00:02:42,936 Now, High/Low. Who wants to go first? Erin? 12 00:02:43,336 --> 00:02:47,656 Okay, my high today is that I sat next to Austin Butler at lunch. 13 00:02:47,896 --> 00:02:49,816 -Nice. -He has the three-legged dog? 14 00:02:49,976 --> 00:02:53,335 Joel has the three-legged dog. Austin has the snoring turtle. 15 00:02:53,575 --> 00:02:54,775 And your low? 16 00:02:55,735 --> 00:02:57,975 -Camp. -What about camp? 17 00:02:58,375 --> 00:02:59,415 I don't know. 18 00:02:59,655 --> 00:03:01,975 You had such a good time last year. 19 00:03:02,135 --> 00:03:04,615 -I know. -What is it? 20 00:03:04,775 --> 00:03:07,815 Are you afraid you'll lose touch with Austin? 21 00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:11,015 -I don't know. -You can write to each other. 22 00:03:11,255 --> 00:03:14,295 You can put X's and O's on there. Guys love that, right? 23 00:03:14,535 --> 00:03:16,295 Can't get enough of it. 24 00:03:16,455 --> 00:03:17,975 Honey, you'll have a great time. 25 00:03:18,295 --> 00:03:20,774 What about you? What was your high today? 26 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,174 Gary Ellis' mom bought a new juicer... 27 00:03:23,414 --> 00:03:25,734 ...and I went to his house and drank a chicken. 28 00:03:27,254 --> 00:03:28,454 And your low? 29 00:03:28,854 --> 00:03:30,054 I don't have a low. 30 00:03:30,214 --> 00:03:31,734 You gotta have a low. 31 00:03:31,974 --> 00:03:35,014 I've been racking my brain. I do not have a low. 32 00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:38,134 We'll enter the chicken smoothie in the high and low category. 33 00:03:38,294 --> 00:03:39,254 How about you, Mama? 34 00:03:40,534 --> 00:03:44,374 I know. It's your anniversary. What are you guys doing tomorrow? 35 00:03:44,534 --> 00:03:48,214 -I'm taking her to a romantic dinner... -Dad's taking me dancing. 36 00:03:48,454 --> 00:03:49,974 ...and possibly some dancing. 37 00:03:50,214 --> 00:03:52,133 But you're right. That is our high. 38 00:03:52,373 --> 00:03:54,373 I'd love to stick around for your low... 39 00:03:54,533 --> 00:03:57,253 ...but the Dodgers are playing the Giants. 40 00:03:57,653 --> 00:03:59,333 -Can I go too? -Go. 41 00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:11,973 I really don't care what we do tomorrow night. 42 00:04:13,413 --> 00:04:15,253 Even if we're at different restaurants. 43 00:04:15,413 --> 00:04:20,133 Just as long as the kids see us leaving together and coming home together. 44 00:04:24,292 --> 00:04:28,292 On our first anniversary, I gave Ben a plastic spoon. 45 00:04:28,452 --> 00:04:31,092 You know, the takeout kind from a Chinese restaurant? 46 00:04:31,412 --> 00:04:32,932 It was the one we had used... 47 00:04:33,092 --> 00:04:36,612 ...when we shared our first bowl of won ton soup in the park. 48 00:04:36,932 --> 00:04:38,772 He was afraid he'd lost it... 49 00:04:38,932 --> 00:04:41,012 ...and I remember how his face lit up... 50 00:04:41,252 --> 00:04:44,692 ...when he opened the jewelry box I had wrapped it in. 51 00:04:47,252 --> 00:04:49,492 I keep asking myself: 52 00:04:49,652 --> 00:04:51,811 "When is that moment in a marriage... 53 00:04:52,051 --> 00:04:55,491 ...when a spoon becomes just a spoon?" 54 00:05:12,931 --> 00:05:15,491 When I met Katie, I wrote on a comedy show... 55 00:05:15,651 --> 00:05:17,891 ...and she had been hired as a temp. 56 00:05:18,531 --> 00:05:22,690 I don't know. It's hard to explain. There was an instant connection... 57 00:05:22,930 --> 00:05:26,210 ...this simpatico. I felt like she just got me. 58 00:05:26,530 --> 00:05:30,610 And there is no greater feeling in this world than to feel gotten. 59 00:06:32,368 --> 00:06:34,448 The loudest silences are the ones... 60 00:06:34,768 --> 00:06:37,248 ...filled with everything that's been said... 61 00:06:37,568 --> 00:06:40,128 ...said wrong, said 300 times. 62 00:06:40,288 --> 00:06:41,808 You're not hearing me. 63 00:06:42,128 --> 00:06:43,648 You're so goddamn critical! 64 00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:46,128 It's hard with two kids. I don't need a third. 65 00:06:46,368 --> 00:06:49,727 You're perfect, and I've done nothing right in 15 years! 66 00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:50,927 You're not listening! 67 00:06:51,167 --> 00:06:52,687 You can't let go of anything! 68 00:06:52,927 --> 00:06:54,127 You never listen! 69 00:06:54,287 --> 00:06:55,967 You hold on to everything! 70 00:06:56,127 --> 00:06:58,127 Why should you be responsible for anything?! 71 00:06:58,367 --> 00:07:00,447 You're critical of every fucking thing! 72 00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,687 I take care of everything here. 73 00:07:02,927 --> 00:07:03,807 -Fine! -Fine! 74 00:07:04,127 --> 00:07:05,407 -Fine! -Fine! 75 00:07:06,767 --> 00:07:10,367 Until fighting becomes the condition rather than the exception. 76 00:07:10,527 --> 00:07:14,527 And suddenly, it turns into the language of the relationship... 77 00:07:14,687 --> 00:07:19,326 ...and your only option is a silent retreat to neutral corners. 78 00:07:25,246 --> 00:07:27,246 -Okay, are you a person? -Yes. 79 00:07:27,566 --> 00:07:28,606 Are you a man? 80 00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,766 -That's debatable. -Debatable? 81 00:07:31,086 --> 00:07:32,846 -Do you have a mustache? -A thick one. 82 00:07:33,166 --> 00:07:34,366 -Aunt Rose. -Right. 83 00:07:35,726 --> 00:07:37,726 Good old Aunt "5:00 Shadow" Rose. 84 00:07:37,966 --> 00:07:41,086 God, it's almost 9. We're gonna miss the camp bus. 85 00:07:41,486 --> 00:07:44,286 Now, that is what I call a mobile home. 86 00:07:44,526 --> 00:07:46,206 Can you get around it? It's 5 to 9! 87 00:07:46,446 --> 00:07:49,645 -They must change their zip code a lot. -It happens as we speak. 88 00:07:49,885 --> 00:07:52,525 Look. 91 604. 91 604. 89 00:07:52,765 --> 00:07:54,125 91 605! 90 00:07:54,365 --> 00:07:56,685 -Pass it. -Their mailman must go crazy. 91 00:07:56,845 --> 00:07:58,925 The kids will miss their bus. 92 00:07:59,165 --> 00:08:02,685 Up on the second floor! Somebody's about to use the bathroom! 93 00:08:02,925 --> 00:08:04,925 We're in the line of fire! 94 00:08:05,165 --> 00:08:08,045 Would you just pass the goddamn house?! 95 00:08:15,805 --> 00:08:17,965 Look, the house is making a right. 96 00:08:21,004 --> 00:08:23,724 When I was in college, we had to write a term paper. 97 00:08:23,884 --> 00:08:27,564 It was for some philosophy course I was taking... 98 00:08:27,884 --> 00:08:30,044 ...on any book we considered... 99 00:08:30,284 --> 00:08:33,804 ...to be the one that best depicted how we viewed the world. 100 00:08:34,044 --> 00:08:37,564 I remember some people picking books by the great thinkers... 101 00:08:37,804 --> 00:08:41,484 ...like Kierkegaard and Plato. Some kids chose the Bible. 102 00:08:42,204 --> 00:08:45,244 I did my paper on Harold and the Purple Crayon. 103 00:08:45,724 --> 00:08:47,884 It's a small book about a little boy... 104 00:08:48,203 --> 00:08:51,083 ...who draws the world the way he wants it to be... 105 00:08:51,243 --> 00:08:53,003 ...with his magic crayon. 106 00:08:53,483 --> 00:08:56,683 And I just loved that book because... 107 00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:59,723 ...it was about everything that I wasn't. 108 00:09:02,683 --> 00:09:04,763 You wanna write crossword puzzles? 109 00:09:05,083 --> 00:09:07,163 That's a job somebody wants to do? 110 00:09:08,123 --> 00:09:09,963 And you'd get paid to do this? 111 00:09:10,203 --> 00:09:12,763 So you know stuff like Ra is the sun god. 112 00:09:13,083 --> 00:09:17,163 And the symbol for radium and the abbreviation for regular army. 113 00:09:17,483 --> 00:09:19,482 Should I be impressed or terrified? 114 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:21,642 I find it soothing and reassuring... 115 00:09:21,882 --> 00:09:24,202 ...because you know there are always answers. 116 00:09:24,362 --> 00:09:27,322 Yeah, but not to the really big questions like: 117 00:09:27,642 --> 00:09:30,122 "Does God exist?" "What is the meaning of life?" 118 00:09:30,442 --> 00:09:32,922 "Why does my pee smell funny when I eat asparagus?" 119 00:09:33,162 --> 00:09:35,402 Aspartic acid, hence the name. 120 00:09:38,042 --> 00:09:39,882 And this soothes you? 121 00:09:40,282 --> 00:09:44,122 Yes, since you'll never find the answers to the big questions... 122 00:09:44,282 --> 00:09:47,881 ...there's a comfort in finding the answers to the little ones. 123 00:09:48,281 --> 00:09:50,041 When you finish, there's this... 124 00:09:51,161 --> 00:09:53,321 ...wonderful sense of closure, knowing... 125 00:09:53,641 --> 00:09:57,401 ...that that little world on that half-page is complete. 126 00:10:03,881 --> 00:10:05,801 You left yourself wide open. 127 00:10:08,121 --> 00:10:09,801 Come to Papa! 128 00:10:10,841 --> 00:10:12,921 But the problem in a marriage is... 129 00:10:13,161 --> 00:10:17,400 ...if one person is always Harold, drawing the world the way they want... 130 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:22,200 ...the other person has no choice but to draw it the way it is. 131 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:25,800 Which is why they never wrote a book about Harold's wife. 132 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,800 -They're leaving! -They're not! 133 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,320 Grab your bags! 134 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:35,720 Wait! Wait! 135 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:37,640 Hold it! 136 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,480 Two more coming! 137 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:43,240 -Thank you, Marty. -No problem. 138 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,680 I love you. Have a great time. 139 00:10:47,159 --> 00:10:48,599 -All right, kid. -Bye, Dad. 140 00:10:49,159 --> 00:10:51,719 -Take your sister's bag. -Have a great time. 141 00:10:51,959 --> 00:10:53,319 Love you. 142 00:11:00,439 --> 00:11:02,599 -I love you. -I love you. 143 00:11:53,237 --> 00:11:56,917 If you need me for anything, I'll be at the Oceana. 144 00:11:57,797 --> 00:12:00,437 Anything comes up with the kids, give me a call. 145 00:12:00,757 --> 00:12:02,277 Of course. 146 00:12:06,357 --> 00:12:08,837 Isn't this the moment where one of us says: 147 00:12:09,077 --> 00:12:11,397 "This is ridiculous. We love each other. 148 00:12:11,637 --> 00:12:14,837 All couples go through this. Let's give it another try"? 149 00:12:38,276 --> 00:12:40,276 My ass was on television this morning. 150 00:12:41,956 --> 00:12:42,836 What are you telling us? 151 00:12:43,076 --> 00:12:45,156 I'm telling you, my ass was on TV. 152 00:12:45,396 --> 00:12:47,235 That's right. That was that special. 153 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,515 "The Kennedy Center Salutes 50 Years of Stan's Ass." 154 00:12:50,755 --> 00:12:54,115 I went to the doctor, he took a tube with a little camera on it... 155 00:12:54,435 --> 00:12:58,195 ...stuck it up my ass and we watched it on a monitor in his office. 156 00:12:58,515 --> 00:13:00,435 -You had a sigmoidoscopy. -Exactly. 157 00:13:00,675 --> 00:13:02,995 That's different than your ass being on TV. 158 00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:04,915 -How? -First of all... 159 00:13:05,155 --> 00:13:07,075 ...a network can't cancel your ass. 160 00:13:07,315 --> 00:13:08,595 Point well taken. 161 00:13:08,835 --> 00:13:11,315 What demographics do you hope to knock down... 162 00:13:11,635 --> 00:13:13,795 ...with that big crack winking at you? 163 00:13:14,035 --> 00:13:17,554 We're in public. Can we elevate the level of conversation? 164 00:13:17,794 --> 00:13:18,994 -Fine with me. -Good. 165 00:13:19,314 --> 00:13:21,874 I jerked off to your secretary. Do you mind? 166 00:13:22,114 --> 00:13:23,794 -Why should I mind? -I don't know. 167 00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:26,114 I wanna forge ahead with a clear conscience. 168 00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:27,554 Pound away. 169 00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:29,154 You're a good friend. 170 00:13:29,474 --> 00:13:34,034 Larry wanted to have sex last night. He even gave me the 30-second massage. 171 00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:37,954 You mean the "I really care that you had a bad day" back rub... 172 00:13:38,194 --> 00:13:40,274 ...that stops just before you relax... 173 00:13:40,514 --> 00:13:43,314 ...then quickly heads south towards the promised land? 174 00:13:43,554 --> 00:13:44,914 So did you make love? 175 00:13:45,154 --> 00:13:47,633 -I was too tired. -How'd you get out of it? 176 00:13:47,873 --> 00:13:50,193 I pretended to fall asleep during the massage. 177 00:13:50,353 --> 00:13:52,033 I did that heavy breathing thing. 178 00:13:52,193 --> 00:13:54,033 So he thinks you're in deep REM? 179 00:13:54,273 --> 00:13:57,073 But it backfired, because when I really fell asleep... 180 00:13:57,313 --> 00:14:00,833 ...the baby started crying, then Larry pretended he was asleep. 181 00:14:01,153 --> 00:14:04,513 Fool! lf he had just gotten up with the baby, you would've... 182 00:14:04,753 --> 00:14:08,353 ...opened the gates and welcomed the troops home for Christmas. 183 00:14:08,593 --> 00:14:09,953 In a heartbeat. 184 00:14:10,193 --> 00:14:11,953 What's up with you and Charlene? 185 00:14:12,113 --> 00:14:14,273 Oh, we had a great night last night. 186 00:14:14,593 --> 00:14:16,832 And you still claim you're not cheating? 187 00:14:17,072 --> 00:14:19,312 I maintain that with every fiber of my being. 188 00:14:19,552 --> 00:14:20,912 On-line sex isn't cheating. 189 00:14:21,072 --> 00:14:22,272 How do you figure? 190 00:14:22,592 --> 00:14:25,632 It's 3 a.m., your wife and kids are sleeping upstairs... 191 00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:29,072 ...and you're downstairs fucking some bimbo in cyberspace. 192 00:14:29,232 --> 00:14:32,592 First of all, we're not fucking. We're typing. 193 00:14:32,912 --> 00:14:35,312 Second, and this is me taking umbrage... 194 00:14:35,472 --> 00:14:37,872 ...Charlene is not some bimbo. 195 00:14:38,112 --> 00:14:39,952 She's a stockbroker named Ralph... 196 00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:42,352 ...pretending to be some bimbo named Charlene. 197 00:14:42,592 --> 00:14:44,352 Why piss on something so beautiful? 198 00:14:45,391 --> 00:14:46,351 What'd I say? 199 00:14:46,591 --> 00:14:47,711 It's not an affair. 200 00:14:47,951 --> 00:14:50,591 Teresa never had sex with him. They just kissed. 201 00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:53,951 -A kiss is an affair. -You think so? 202 00:14:54,191 --> 00:14:55,151 Absolutely. 203 00:14:55,391 --> 00:14:58,991 Once you establish anything truly intimate with another person... 204 00:14:59,311 --> 00:15:00,831 ...even talking... 205 00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:04,431 ...it affects the person you're the most intimate with. 206 00:15:04,751 --> 00:15:08,271 But Teresa could fuck her husband, she just couldn't kiss him. 207 00:15:08,591 --> 00:15:10,111 I mean, really kiss him. 208 00:15:10,351 --> 00:15:11,471 It's not so crazy. 209 00:15:11,791 --> 00:15:14,271 Sometimes I'm so angry at Stan, I could fuck him... 210 00:15:14,591 --> 00:15:16,510 ...but I don't want that cow tongue near me. 211 00:15:16,670 --> 00:15:20,030 A kiss can be so much more intimate than sex. 212 00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:21,790 Why is that? 213 00:15:22,030 --> 00:15:25,310 Because fucking means, "Yeah, I love you." But a kiss.... 214 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,790 A kiss means, "I like you." 215 00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:30,750 That's so right. 216 00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:35,630 I haven't made out, I mean, really made out with Larry for years. 217 00:15:36,030 --> 00:15:37,390 Doesn't that make you sad? 218 00:15:38,030 --> 00:15:39,230 Not really. 219 00:15:40,430 --> 00:15:41,470 Why? 220 00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:43,630 I don't know. 221 00:15:43,870 --> 00:15:47,149 Because it's inevitable. It's the wear and tear of the job. 222 00:15:47,389 --> 00:15:49,709 The diapers, the tantrums, the homework. 223 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,349 The kingdom, species, your mom, his mom. 224 00:15:52,669 --> 00:15:55,869 Suddenly, all you're aware of is the wet towels on the floor... 225 00:15:56,109 --> 00:15:58,909 ...he hogs the remote and he scratches his back with a fork. 226 00:15:59,149 --> 00:16:02,669 And you come face to face with the truth that it's impossible... 227 00:16:02,989 --> 00:16:05,629 ...to kiss a person who leaves the new roll of toilet paper... 228 00:16:05,869 --> 00:16:08,029 ...on top of the empty cardboard roll! 229 00:16:08,189 --> 00:16:11,709 God forbid he takes the two seconds to actually replace it! 230 00:16:12,029 --> 00:16:14,428 Does he not see it?! 231 00:16:15,228 --> 00:16:19,228 I'm telling you, marriage is the Jack Kevorkian of romance. 232 00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:23,868 Oh, God! 233 00:16:27,228 --> 00:16:28,828 Jesus! Shit! 234 00:16:29,228 --> 00:16:30,908 -He hit me! -I didn't! 235 00:16:31,068 --> 00:16:33,628 I was leaving the room, she stood in my way. 236 00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:36,028 -He did it on purpose. -Guys, hold on! 237 00:16:38,348 --> 00:16:39,628 Ben? What?! 238 00:16:41,308 --> 00:16:44,667 Katie, you won't believe what I'm standing in front of. 239 00:16:44,907 --> 00:16:47,147 They're tearing down our old apartment. 240 00:16:47,467 --> 00:16:48,587 -What? -See?! 241 00:16:48,827 --> 00:16:50,187 Josh, did you hit her? 242 00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:51,867 She started it! 243 00:16:52,187 --> 00:16:54,427 I told her never to come in my room without asking. 244 00:16:54,587 --> 00:16:56,507 It's heading for Mrs. Gutierrez's. 245 00:16:56,747 --> 00:16:58,187 There goes her window! 246 00:16:58,347 --> 00:17:00,267 You borrowed her Discman without asking?! 247 00:17:00,427 --> 00:17:02,507 Yeah, but she was done with it. 248 00:17:02,747 --> 00:17:05,067 She hasn't used the Discman in two days! 249 00:17:06,587 --> 00:17:10,027 Just hit Jack Roikman's place. Remember his patriotic orgasms? 250 00:17:10,347 --> 00:17:13,706 "God bless America! God bless America! Land that I love!" 251 00:17:14,026 --> 00:17:15,706 Can't you let him use yours? 252 00:17:15,866 --> 00:17:17,706 No! He never lets me use it! 253 00:17:18,266 --> 00:17:20,586 Ben, I can't talk right now. 254 00:17:20,746 --> 00:17:24,426 This is where you and I started. This is where we became an "us." 255 00:17:26,266 --> 00:17:28,906 Just hit where we used to measure the kids' heights. 256 00:17:29,146 --> 00:17:32,826 Ben, I-- Josh, you shouldn't have hit your sister. No TV for a week. 257 00:17:33,066 --> 00:17:34,346 You're so unfair! 258 00:17:34,506 --> 00:17:35,786 Wait until I tell Dad! 259 00:17:37,386 --> 00:17:39,946 Jesus Christ! I gotta go! Are you okay? 260 00:17:44,185 --> 00:17:45,465 Goddamn it! 261 00:17:46,825 --> 00:17:48,425 Fantasizing isn't cheating? 262 00:17:48,745 --> 00:17:51,625 Oh, please! Who is getting hurt? 263 00:17:51,865 --> 00:17:54,585 Yesterday, I met this stunning blond woman... 264 00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:57,145 ...at the Beverly Center food court. 265 00:17:57,385 --> 00:18:00,105 She had a little ring in the bellybutton. 266 00:18:00,425 --> 00:18:01,865 But you know what? 267 00:18:02,105 --> 00:18:05,145 I forgave her because it wasn't in her eyebrow or tongue. 268 00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,065 Beautiful. We start chatting... 269 00:18:07,305 --> 00:18:10,585 ...and we strike up a conversation, waiting for our turkey. 270 00:18:10,825 --> 00:18:13,544 I'm telling you, she's smiling, I'm smiling... 271 00:18:13,784 --> 00:18:15,784 ...and just that 30-second encounter... 272 00:18:16,104 --> 00:18:19,784 ...will do wonders for me when I'm shaking hands with the sheriff. 273 00:18:20,024 --> 00:18:22,184 I know exactly what you're talking about. 274 00:18:22,344 --> 00:18:24,424 -Am I wrong? -No, you're right! 275 00:18:24,744 --> 00:18:27,784 The other day, I told a joke to this intriguing woman... 276 00:18:28,104 --> 00:18:29,624 ...that I met at the cleaners. 277 00:18:29,864 --> 00:18:32,504 If this were the '30s, she'd be a Communist... 278 00:18:32,824 --> 00:18:34,744 ...or at least a Communist sympathizer. 279 00:18:34,984 --> 00:18:38,344 But the point is, the way she laughed at that joke... 280 00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:41,304 ...reminded me of how Rachel used to laugh at my jokes. 281 00:18:41,624 --> 00:18:43,383 You gonna follow up? 282 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,903 I could never do that. 283 00:18:45,143 --> 00:18:49,223 I think the Ten Commandments were probably a lot easier to stick to... 284 00:18:49,463 --> 00:18:51,303 ...when you dropped dead at 35. 285 00:18:51,543 --> 00:18:53,703 I mean, we-- They should be amended. 286 00:18:54,023 --> 00:18:56,183 A little amendment, like the Constitution. 287 00:18:56,423 --> 00:19:00,343 "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, wife or ass. 288 00:19:01,063 --> 00:19:04,343 But if you have to covet your neighbor's wife's ass... 289 00:19:04,503 --> 00:19:06,663 ...don't do it in thy neighbor's house." 290 00:19:06,903 --> 00:19:10,663 A simple amendment, two-thirds majority, slide through both Houses. 291 00:19:10,823 --> 00:19:14,742 Seriously, name me one guy you know who's never cheated on his wife. 292 00:19:14,902 --> 00:19:16,342 I wasn't cheating! 293 00:19:16,582 --> 00:19:20,662 I walk into your office, and I hear you telling some Sara... 294 00:19:20,902 --> 00:19:25,382 ...intimate details about our relationship, about our problems. 295 00:19:25,702 --> 00:19:28,902 Obviously there's something going on between you and her. 296 00:19:29,142 --> 00:19:32,022 Nothing is going on between us! We were just talking! 297 00:19:32,262 --> 00:19:34,262 About us?! About our life?! 298 00:19:34,422 --> 00:19:36,422 We were just talking! 299 00:19:36,662 --> 00:19:39,382 That's not talking! That's a relationship! 300 00:19:39,622 --> 00:19:42,581 Why didn't you tell me about her if there's nothing to hide? 301 00:19:42,901 --> 00:19:45,061 I just needed somebody to talk to! 302 00:19:45,221 --> 00:19:48,501 Bullshit! Why didn't you talk to me?! 303 00:19:48,901 --> 00:19:50,501 Mommy, I need a drink of water! 304 00:19:51,301 --> 00:19:52,741 I'll be right there! 305 00:19:52,981 --> 00:19:55,061 You wanna know why I don't talk to you? 306 00:19:55,301 --> 00:19:58,981 You treat me like I'm a big pain in the ass that gets in the way... 307 00:19:59,221 --> 00:20:02,421 ...of what otherwise would be a normal, organized life! 308 00:20:02,741 --> 00:20:06,261 Have you ever thought that everything isn't always about you? 309 00:20:06,821 --> 00:20:11,141 Maybe I'm tired! Maybe I'm dealing with 5000 things all day long! 310 00:20:11,301 --> 00:20:14,260 Maybe every need you have doesn't have to be met... 311 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:17,940 ...at the exact moment you need it to be met! 312 00:20:18,580 --> 00:20:20,820 God, we have actual kids here, Ben. 313 00:20:20,980 --> 00:20:23,060 I am not a third child! 314 00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:26,180 I am not talking about having each of my needs met! 315 00:20:26,340 --> 00:20:28,180 I'm talking about a connection! 316 00:20:28,420 --> 00:20:32,660 A look! Something that says that we're on the same side here! 317 00:20:33,220 --> 00:20:35,140 Why don't you talk to your girlfriend? 318 00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:38,660 I'm sure she can help us get back on the same side. 319 00:20:46,659 --> 00:20:50,099 To have a happy marriage is to accept the chasm between men and women. 320 00:20:50,339 --> 00:20:51,379 Which is? 321 00:20:51,619 --> 00:20:53,539 He can mend a fight with sex. 322 00:20:53,779 --> 00:20:56,099 She can't have sex until the fight's resolved. 323 00:20:56,579 --> 00:20:57,539 Why is that? 324 00:20:57,779 --> 00:21:00,259 It's the difference between the penis and the vagina. 325 00:21:00,579 --> 00:21:04,419 A penis is a thruster, a battering ram, if you will. 326 00:21:04,579 --> 00:21:07,619 Even if it's mad, it can ram. Sometimes it even helps. 327 00:21:07,779 --> 00:21:10,419 It's the "mad-ram principle." However, the vagina.... 328 00:21:10,659 --> 00:21:11,858 The vagina! 329 00:21:13,138 --> 00:21:17,858 The vagina has to be relaxed in order to open and receive. 330 00:21:18,178 --> 00:21:20,738 It can't be a gracious hostess in a state of anger. 331 00:21:20,978 --> 00:21:22,898 That goes for blowjobs and kissing too. 332 00:21:23,138 --> 00:21:28,018 Every female point of entry needs to know that the penis is coming... 333 00:21:28,418 --> 00:21:29,698 ...in peace. 334 00:21:29,938 --> 00:21:32,178 -Do you have Sweet'N Low? -Is Equal okay? 335 00:21:32,498 --> 00:21:33,538 Whatever. 336 00:21:38,818 --> 00:21:42,017 I've always felt no matter what we were going through... 337 00:21:42,257 --> 00:21:44,017 ...no matter how painful things got... 338 00:21:44,257 --> 00:21:46,657 ...if our feet found each other under the blankets... 339 00:21:46,817 --> 00:21:48,897 ...even just the slightest connection... 340 00:21:49,057 --> 00:21:51,857 ...it'd tell us we'd entered the demilitarized zone... 341 00:21:52,097 --> 00:21:55,857 ...that we were gonna be okay, that we were still an "us." 342 00:21:57,697 --> 00:22:01,697 There are some hurts that you never completely get over. 343 00:22:02,257 --> 00:22:06,177 And you think that time will diminish their presence... 344 00:22:06,337 --> 00:22:08,497 ...and to a degree it does... 345 00:22:09,057 --> 00:22:11,536 ...but it still hurts, because, well... 346 00:22:13,376 --> 00:22:15,056 ...hurt hurts. 347 00:22:19,616 --> 00:22:21,136 If you lose your room key... 348 00:22:21,376 --> 00:22:23,216 ...contact the front desk. 349 00:22:23,456 --> 00:22:26,656 And if you've got valuables, keep them in the hotel safe. 350 00:22:26,976 --> 00:22:28,416 It's complimentary. 351 00:22:28,656 --> 00:22:31,456 For family dining, how about a pizza poolside... 352 00:22:31,696 --> 00:22:33,936 ...from our Wolfgang Puck Caf�? 353 00:22:34,096 --> 00:22:36,896 Then it's a quick walk to the Santa Monica Pier and beach. 354 00:22:37,216 --> 00:22:41,375 When the kids are acting up, the waves will set them straight. 355 00:22:56,735 --> 00:22:59,375 The Patriot is proof positive... 356 00:22:59,615 --> 00:23:01,615 ...that missile defense works. 357 00:23:01,855 --> 00:23:04,255 As we've been taught by Saddam Hussein.... 358 00:23:04,495 --> 00:23:08,735 Something about how that man says "Saddam" makes me want you even more. 359 00:23:21,294 --> 00:23:22,654 Oh, my God! 360 00:23:23,294 --> 00:23:25,294 -The tooth fairy. -Where? 361 00:23:25,614 --> 00:23:28,814 Josh's tooth. We forgot to put money under his pillow. 362 00:23:29,134 --> 00:23:32,174 Josh is asleep. I'm sure this can wait a few minutes. 363 00:23:32,414 --> 00:23:35,134 No, no, baby, we might forget later. 364 00:23:37,614 --> 00:23:39,214 Who goes? 365 00:23:39,934 --> 00:23:41,453 Rock, paper, scissors! 366 00:23:41,773 --> 00:23:42,973 Shit! 367 00:23:46,013 --> 00:23:49,933 Mr. President, I'm entrusting you with my soon-to-be-naked wife. 368 00:23:50,173 --> 00:23:51,853 Take care of her, the country. 369 00:23:52,653 --> 00:23:53,773 My love to Barbara. 370 00:23:54,093 --> 00:23:55,773 I'll be right back. 371 00:24:05,053 --> 00:24:06,653 I'll be right back! 372 00:24:56,651 --> 00:25:00,491 Everything that's important in the world is in this bed right now. 373 00:25:04,091 --> 00:25:05,611 I love you. 374 00:25:07,131 --> 00:25:08,411 I love you. 375 00:25:40,729 --> 00:25:44,489 Hi. You've reached the home of Jordan, Jordan, Jordan and Jordan. 376 00:25:44,809 --> 00:25:46,569 Nary a Jordan is present now. 377 00:25:46,809 --> 00:25:49,689 If you wanna leave a message for Katie, Ben, Josh or Erin... 378 00:25:49,929 --> 00:25:52,329 ...what better time than.... 379 00:25:55,289 --> 00:25:56,729 Hi, it's me. 380 00:25:56,969 --> 00:25:59,769 I'm just calling to see how the kids are doing. 381 00:26:00,089 --> 00:26:02,409 See if you got any post cards from them. 382 00:26:02,729 --> 00:26:05,529 Anything comes up, you can give me a call. 383 00:26:07,209 --> 00:26:08,569 Bye-bye. 384 00:26:28,808 --> 00:26:32,968 Listen, I just got your message. I was in the shower when you called. 385 00:26:34,168 --> 00:26:36,408 The kids seem to be doing really well. 386 00:26:36,648 --> 00:26:39,047 I just put the post cards in an envelope. 387 00:26:39,847 --> 00:26:42,247 You should be getting them tomorrow. 388 00:26:42,487 --> 00:26:43,447 Good. 389 00:26:46,087 --> 00:26:47,047 You okay? 390 00:26:47,767 --> 00:26:50,247 Yeah, I'm okay. You okay? 391 00:26:50,807 --> 00:26:52,327 Yeah, I'm okay. 392 00:26:59,687 --> 00:27:00,807 Bye. 393 00:27:02,727 --> 00:27:04,007 Bye. 394 00:27:45,045 --> 00:27:46,085 It's me. 395 00:27:51,045 --> 00:27:52,165 How are you? 396 00:27:52,405 --> 00:27:54,565 I'm good. Yeah, really good. 397 00:27:54,805 --> 00:27:55,925 Good. 398 00:27:56,325 --> 00:27:57,605 What's up? 399 00:27:59,125 --> 00:28:00,165 What's up? 400 00:28:03,045 --> 00:28:07,445 I was thinking about the upstairs bathroom, and I wanted to remind you... 401 00:28:07,685 --> 00:28:10,004 ...to schedule that guy to recaulk the tub. 402 00:28:10,244 --> 00:28:12,244 I've already done it. 403 00:28:14,404 --> 00:28:15,524 Well. 404 00:28:16,004 --> 00:28:17,044 Good. 405 00:28:21,284 --> 00:28:22,804 Then... 406 00:28:24,244 --> 00:28:25,204 ...bye. 407 00:28:25,924 --> 00:28:27,124 Bye. 408 00:28:43,683 --> 00:28:48,083 I'm calling to see if you remember the name of that tree surgeon we used. 409 00:28:48,483 --> 00:28:49,523 Joey Bishop. 410 00:28:50,163 --> 00:28:52,003 Yeah, but no. 411 00:28:52,643 --> 00:28:55,043 -But it was one of those Rat Pack guys. -Right. 412 00:28:55,283 --> 00:28:56,163 Frank Sinatra? 413 00:28:57,123 --> 00:28:58,483 Dean Martin? 414 00:28:58,883 --> 00:29:00,003 Sammy Davis Jr.? 415 00:29:00,243 --> 00:29:02,643 That's it! Joey Davis Jr. 416 00:29:02,883 --> 00:29:05,283 Joey Davis Jr., the tree surgeon. 417 00:29:05,603 --> 00:29:08,402 I can still see the sign on that blue truck of his. 418 00:29:08,722 --> 00:29:11,442 Right. Okay, thanks. 419 00:29:14,242 --> 00:29:15,122 Bye. 420 00:29:15,442 --> 00:29:18,482 Listen, your shirts came back from the cleaners. 421 00:29:21,122 --> 00:29:24,002 Cool. I'll come by and get them. 422 00:29:24,242 --> 00:29:25,922 I can drop them off. 423 00:29:26,162 --> 00:29:28,962 It's fine. I'll be happy to come and get them. 424 00:29:29,122 --> 00:29:30,562 What would be a good time? 425 00:29:31,762 --> 00:29:33,042 I don't know.... 426 00:29:33,282 --> 00:29:36,242 Why don't you come over tomorrow? I'll be home by 7. 427 00:29:36,482 --> 00:29:37,841 You can stay for dinner. 428 00:29:39,121 --> 00:29:40,081 You sure? 429 00:29:40,641 --> 00:29:42,001 No. 430 00:29:44,641 --> 00:29:46,081 See you tomorrow. 431 00:31:58,477 --> 00:31:59,757 You look like... 432 00:32:00,717 --> 00:32:01,757 ...like you. 433 00:32:04,477 --> 00:32:05,917 You too. 434 00:32:13,516 --> 00:32:17,276 I guess I could stand on the porch all night. I've seen the house. 435 00:32:17,596 --> 00:32:21,676 How many times have we said, "We should use this porch more often"? 436 00:32:21,916 --> 00:32:25,596 Come in. My house is literally your house. 437 00:32:25,836 --> 00:32:26,636 Thank you. 438 00:32:31,676 --> 00:32:35,036 -There's my dry cleaning. -Yeah, I left it out for you. 439 00:32:35,436 --> 00:32:37,835 Good. I'll remember to take it with me. 440 00:32:38,075 --> 00:32:40,635 Because I could put it in the closet, but I-- 441 00:32:41,995 --> 00:32:44,635 That is perfect dry cleaning placement. 442 00:32:46,475 --> 00:32:48,555 -You want a drink? -You want something--? 443 00:32:50,315 --> 00:32:51,675 Want some wine? 444 00:32:52,955 --> 00:32:54,955 I think I remember where it is. 445 00:32:55,675 --> 00:32:58,395 -If memory serves, you like red wine. -Right. 446 00:32:58,635 --> 00:33:00,795 Yeah, it's all coming back to me. 447 00:33:03,595 --> 00:33:06,314 Wine is breathing a lot better than I am. 448 00:33:11,514 --> 00:33:14,234 You'll never believe what I did last night. 449 00:33:14,474 --> 00:33:16,794 I attempted to do one of your crosswords. 450 00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:20,874 I have a question. 451 00:33:21,274 --> 00:33:24,234 What was 3 down? Just couldn't get it. 452 00:33:24,474 --> 00:33:27,594 Four letters, "Feeling of psychological discomfort." 453 00:33:28,474 --> 00:33:29,674 "Blah." 454 00:33:30,954 --> 00:33:32,314 Blah. 455 00:33:35,194 --> 00:33:36,313 Cheers. 456 00:33:36,713 --> 00:33:37,833 Cheers. 457 00:33:50,073 --> 00:33:51,513 Was this always here? 458 00:33:51,753 --> 00:33:53,993 No, I bought it last week. 459 00:33:56,233 --> 00:33:59,353 Any other new appliances I should know about? 460 00:33:59,993 --> 00:34:02,793 Well, as long as we're spilling our guts here... 461 00:34:03,113 --> 00:34:05,832 ...I also got this new garlic press. 462 00:34:06,392 --> 00:34:09,992 The body's not even cold, and she's out buying garlic presses. 463 00:34:22,392 --> 00:34:24,152 How do you think the kids are? 464 00:34:24,472 --> 00:34:26,952 From the cards, it sounds like they're good. 465 00:34:27,272 --> 00:34:29,432 I think Erin misses us, but she's okay. 466 00:34:30,232 --> 00:34:32,072 Yeah. She seems okay. 467 00:34:32,552 --> 00:34:33,752 You think she's okay? 468 00:34:33,992 --> 00:34:35,511 I think she's okay. 469 00:34:35,751 --> 00:34:38,711 Because I think she senses that we're not okay... 470 00:34:39,431 --> 00:34:41,831 ...and Parents' Weekend is coming. 471 00:34:43,991 --> 00:34:46,231 We'll just have to give her... 472 00:34:46,471 --> 00:34:48,791 ...a lot of extra attention... 473 00:34:49,111 --> 00:34:50,471 ...and really love her up. 474 00:35:01,511 --> 00:35:02,471 Should we eat? 475 00:35:02,711 --> 00:35:04,231 Yeah, I could eat. 476 00:35:08,550 --> 00:35:10,150 This is really good. 477 00:35:10,470 --> 00:35:11,670 Thanks. 478 00:35:15,190 --> 00:35:16,390 High/Low? 479 00:35:16,630 --> 00:35:17,590 Sure. 480 00:35:18,630 --> 00:35:19,430 Your high? 481 00:35:20,470 --> 00:35:21,830 Honestly? 482 00:35:23,270 --> 00:35:24,470 Right now. 483 00:35:26,310 --> 00:35:27,830 And your low? 484 00:35:29,910 --> 00:35:32,470 Every minute of the last two weeks. 485 00:35:34,389 --> 00:35:35,429 How about you? 486 00:35:37,669 --> 00:35:42,309 My high would have to be the Cuisinart because I wanted it ever so badly. 487 00:35:42,469 --> 00:35:43,749 And your low? 488 00:35:44,949 --> 00:35:48,789 The garlic press. It's not nearly as handy as I thought it'd be. 489 00:35:49,349 --> 00:35:52,629 I lay myself open, and you mock me with kitchenware. 490 00:35:52,869 --> 00:35:55,829 All the while making me more attractive to you. 491 00:35:57,989 --> 00:35:59,269 Is that your intention? 492 00:36:04,388 --> 00:36:05,988 I'm not sure. 493 00:36:09,188 --> 00:36:10,548 It's working. 494 00:36:38,787 --> 00:36:41,747 It looks like I haven't been doing too much reading. 495 00:36:47,187 --> 00:36:50,627 Okay, I'm ready. How about you? 496 00:36:51,587 --> 00:36:53,347 -I.... -What? 497 00:36:54,547 --> 00:36:56,707 Come on. Remember what Dr. Tischner said: 498 00:36:57,027 --> 00:37:00,467 "If you had it once, you can always get it back." 499 00:37:00,867 --> 00:37:05,026 Was that Dr. Tischner or was that Dr. Hopkins? 500 00:37:06,866 --> 00:37:08,626 The one with the sibilant "S." 501 00:37:08,866 --> 00:37:09,666 Right. 502 00:37:11,186 --> 00:37:13,746 Wrong. It was a lateral lisp. 503 00:37:13,906 --> 00:37:16,546 Sex is simply a symbolic expression... 504 00:37:16,706 --> 00:37:19,586 ...of the emotional status of a relationship. 505 00:37:20,146 --> 00:37:25,026 Sustained lack of sex is symptomatic of disassociation. 506 00:37:25,586 --> 00:37:28,386 No, the one with the lateral lisp was Dr. Rifkin. 507 00:37:28,626 --> 00:37:32,786 Dr. Hopkins was the one with the Rorschach birthmark on his forehead. 508 00:37:32,946 --> 00:37:36,625 It looked like California. How could you pay attention to what he said? 509 00:37:36,865 --> 00:37:39,825 This cycle of closeness, then estrangement... 510 00:37:40,065 --> 00:37:41,505 ...you've both told me about... 511 00:37:41,745 --> 00:37:45,105 ...what instigates it? First thing that comes to your mind. 512 00:37:45,345 --> 00:37:47,505 -Sacramento. -Governor Gray Davis. 513 00:37:47,905 --> 00:37:52,545 My personal favorite was the Freudian with the prostate problem. 514 00:37:53,505 --> 00:37:55,185 When two people go to bed... 515 00:37:55,425 --> 00:37:58,785 ...there are actually six people in that bed. 516 00:37:59,905 --> 00:38:01,425 If you'll excuse me. 517 00:38:04,064 --> 00:38:06,224 Are we allowed to talk when he's gone? 518 00:38:06,624 --> 00:38:08,064 I don't know. 519 00:38:09,024 --> 00:38:10,304 What do you think? 520 00:38:10,624 --> 00:38:13,104 To be on the safe side, maybe we better not. 521 00:38:20,944 --> 00:38:23,664 The six people in bed are the two of you... 522 00:38:24,144 --> 00:38:27,264 ...and your parents and your parents. 523 00:38:28,064 --> 00:38:30,704 Now, the key is.... 524 00:38:31,264 --> 00:38:32,943 Will you excuse me, please? 525 00:38:36,783 --> 00:38:39,183 He charged us for the full session. 526 00:38:39,343 --> 00:38:41,983 The man was peeing on our time! 527 00:38:45,263 --> 00:38:47,823 All that therapy was a waste of time and money. 528 00:38:48,063 --> 00:38:50,783 Where did all that therapy really get us? 529 00:38:51,583 --> 00:38:53,663 It got us here, laughing about it. 530 00:38:53,903 --> 00:38:57,583 -He's right. -Once it's broken, it can't be fixed. 531 00:38:57,823 --> 00:38:59,983 -I don't know. -The queen has spoken. 532 00:39:00,223 --> 00:39:03,342 -Maybe it's too soon. -What are you talking about? 533 00:39:03,582 --> 00:39:07,982 The whole point of having a fight is playing "hide the salami" afterwards. 534 00:39:08,862 --> 00:39:11,982 Let hard times bring you together. Nobody said it'd be easy. 535 00:39:12,222 --> 00:39:15,662 Can't hard times bring us together? Nobody said it'd be easy. 536 00:39:15,982 --> 00:39:18,702 Like the Andrews Sisters. After "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" ... 537 00:39:19,022 --> 00:39:21,022 ...before "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree." 538 00:39:21,262 --> 00:39:23,022 Big career slump there. 539 00:39:23,262 --> 00:39:26,062 Like the Andrews Sisters before "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree." 540 00:39:26,302 --> 00:39:27,662 The Andrews Sisters? 541 00:39:27,982 --> 00:39:29,902 They didn't stop because of a few flops. 542 00:39:30,142 --> 00:39:32,301 They hung in there. The rest is history. 543 00:39:32,541 --> 00:39:34,541 Don't sit under the apple tree 544 00:39:34,941 --> 00:39:37,981 Why are you bringing up the Andrews Sisters now? 545 00:39:38,141 --> 00:39:40,221 -You're singing! -It's an example. 546 00:39:40,461 --> 00:39:42,541 They're in trouble, and you're singing? 547 00:39:42,781 --> 00:39:46,621 Dot, put out once in a while. Your face won't be so tight. 548 00:39:46,781 --> 00:39:47,661 Slut. 549 00:39:47,821 --> 00:39:52,301 I don't know what their career slump has to do with our marital problems. 550 00:39:52,621 --> 00:39:53,981 What should we do? 551 00:39:54,221 --> 00:39:57,661 Make matters worse by dwelling on every little thing all our lives? 552 00:39:57,901 --> 00:40:00,381 Is that what you think I do? 553 00:40:00,701 --> 00:40:03,020 -You're a child. -I just dwell on everything? 554 00:40:03,260 --> 00:40:05,420 You're a 72-year-old infant! 555 00:40:05,660 --> 00:40:09,340 There are real problems that we haven't even begun to deal with. 556 00:40:09,580 --> 00:40:12,700 Don't you think I know that? What happened to you? 557 00:40:12,940 --> 00:40:15,660 What happened to that fun girl with the pith helmet? 558 00:40:15,900 --> 00:40:19,020 You don't think I ask myself that every day? 559 00:40:19,260 --> 00:40:22,780 You beat her out of me! There's no room here for her! 560 00:40:22,940 --> 00:40:24,380 You think it's all fun and games. 561 00:40:24,620 --> 00:40:27,500 So it's my fault you hang on to every little thing! 562 00:40:27,820 --> 00:40:30,300 It's my fault you can't let go of anything! 563 00:40:31,260 --> 00:40:33,899 It's my fault you turned into your mother?! 564 00:40:34,139 --> 00:40:35,739 Fuck you! 565 00:41:22,138 --> 00:41:26,138 -I still think that there's a chance-- -Ben, you love who we were. 566 00:41:26,378 --> 00:41:29,658 You couldn't possibly love what we've become. 567 00:41:30,618 --> 00:41:32,857 I think I spotted us at dinner tonight. 568 00:41:34,857 --> 00:41:37,577 We can't stay together just because we... 569 00:41:37,817 --> 00:41:40,377 ...get a glimpse of "us" every once in a while. 570 00:41:40,937 --> 00:41:43,017 It was less than 1 5 minutes ago. 571 00:41:44,937 --> 00:41:48,297 All we proved is, if we're apart for weeks at a time... 572 00:41:48,457 --> 00:41:51,337 ...we might get through a dinner. That's not a marriage. 573 00:41:57,497 --> 00:41:58,857 It's over. 574 00:42:36,775 --> 00:42:38,055 A book about your grandmother? 575 00:42:38,215 --> 00:42:40,375 Yeah. She was an extraordinary woman. 576 00:42:40,615 --> 00:42:43,495 I'm sure she was. Did she fuck a President? 577 00:42:44,695 --> 00:42:47,735 No. Did she discover uranium? 578 00:42:47,895 --> 00:42:50,215 A cure for cancer? Nothing like that? 579 00:42:51,255 --> 00:42:54,215 Why would anybody wanna read a book about her? 580 00:42:54,535 --> 00:42:57,975 She was 4'9" . She emigrated from Europe as a little girl. 581 00:42:58,215 --> 00:43:02,374 She worked in a sweatshop making buttonholes 14 hours a day and yet... 582 00:43:02,614 --> 00:43:06,454 ...raised five kids and stayed married to the same man for 57 years. 583 00:43:06,614 --> 00:43:09,734 Dave, this will be the greatest love story ever told. 584 00:43:11,254 --> 00:43:14,294 Let me explain something to you. Not as your agent. 585 00:43:14,534 --> 00:43:16,294 This is as a friend. 586 00:43:20,854 --> 00:43:22,134 Come here. 587 00:43:23,254 --> 00:43:24,774 You see all these people? 588 00:43:25,094 --> 00:43:28,054 They're getting into buildings. They're driving cars. 589 00:43:28,294 --> 00:43:31,093 They're crossing the street. They're walking around. 590 00:43:31,573 --> 00:43:33,813 Every single one of these people... 591 00:43:34,053 --> 00:43:36,133 ...is going to die someday... 592 00:43:36,293 --> 00:43:37,733 ...and they all know it. 593 00:43:39,093 --> 00:43:40,373 Which is why... 594 00:43:41,173 --> 00:43:44,533 ...they regard the time they have on this planet as precious. 595 00:43:44,853 --> 00:43:47,173 There are things that take up that time... 596 00:43:47,413 --> 00:43:50,453 ...even if they don't enjoy it. They have to go to work. 597 00:43:50,693 --> 00:43:53,013 They have to get dressed, wait in lines... 598 00:43:53,253 --> 00:43:55,573 ...clean yards, get batteries. 599 00:43:55,813 --> 00:43:58,933 They visit the eye doctor. They're doing all these things. 600 00:43:59,173 --> 00:44:04,052 Now, add that to the time they spend sleeping and eating... 601 00:44:04,212 --> 00:44:07,092 ...and washing up and voting... 602 00:44:07,412 --> 00:44:10,692 ...and buying gifts for people they don't like, and you see... 603 00:44:11,012 --> 00:44:14,772 ...why they're so choosy about how they spend their leisure time. 604 00:44:15,012 --> 00:44:18,292 You can understand why unless she went down on somebody... 605 00:44:18,452 --> 00:44:22,132 ...really interesting, they won't waste their valuable time... 606 00:44:22,372 --> 00:44:25,812 ...reading a book about your fucking grandmother! 607 00:44:28,452 --> 00:44:31,091 So if I read you right, you don't like the idea. 608 00:44:31,491 --> 00:44:32,531 It's not that. 609 00:44:43,411 --> 00:44:47,251 You know, I find the Ariana much more fragrant than the Raphaela. 610 00:44:49,251 --> 00:44:50,851 I'll keep that in mind. 611 00:44:51,011 --> 00:44:53,171 -How you doing? -Fine. 612 00:44:53,411 --> 00:44:57,011 I never got a chance to thank you for holding the camp bus. 613 00:44:57,171 --> 00:44:59,890 Anytime you need a bus held, I am your guy. 614 00:45:00,130 --> 00:45:03,090 -Erin's teeth are looking good. -Thanks to you. 615 00:45:03,330 --> 00:45:05,730 I hope she remembers to wear her retainer. 616 00:45:06,130 --> 00:45:07,730 You know how kids are at camp. 617 00:45:08,050 --> 00:45:11,730 The minute my Kevin gets off that bus, it's "Goodbye, biteplate." 618 00:45:12,130 --> 00:45:13,650 Is that for you? 619 00:45:15,330 --> 00:45:18,770 When Deirdre and I divorced, I decided to learn how to cook. 620 00:45:19,010 --> 00:45:21,090 The Wok-y World of Thai Cooking? 621 00:45:21,410 --> 00:45:22,610 I'm branching out. 622 00:45:22,850 --> 00:45:25,730 I'm taking a Thai cooking course this summer. 623 00:45:25,970 --> 00:45:29,250 Really? I've always been interested in Asian cooking. 624 00:45:29,409 --> 00:45:30,609 Really? 625 00:45:31,089 --> 00:45:32,449 Why don't you join me? 626 00:45:35,089 --> 00:45:36,849 When I think about it... 627 00:45:37,249 --> 00:45:39,809 ...over the years there were less and less moments... 628 00:45:39,969 --> 00:45:41,489 ...in the course of the day... 629 00:45:41,809 --> 00:45:44,529 ...when Ben and I actually made real eye contact. 630 00:45:44,769 --> 00:45:47,329 You are not gonna believe what happened. 631 00:45:47,569 --> 00:45:50,049 -What? -He's almost asleep. 632 00:45:51,569 --> 00:45:53,569 Maybe it was the stuff of life. 633 00:45:53,969 --> 00:45:55,809 Who's taking Erin to school? 634 00:45:56,449 --> 00:45:59,408 Who will pick up Josh from his clarinet lessons? 635 00:46:00,048 --> 00:46:02,448 After a while, there was a disturbing comfort... 636 00:46:02,768 --> 00:46:04,768 ...in not having to deal with each other... 637 00:46:05,088 --> 00:46:08,848 ...because somehow you just get used to the disconnection. 638 00:46:09,728 --> 00:46:13,728 Even at night, when we could finally come together, we faced forward. 639 00:46:13,888 --> 00:46:16,928 Yeah, we were tired, but I think we were afraid... 640 00:46:17,248 --> 00:46:20,528 ...that if we faced each other, there'd be nothing there. 641 00:46:20,928 --> 00:46:22,928 We're learning Mee Krob next week. 642 00:46:23,408 --> 00:46:24,768 Mee Krob. 643 00:46:26,048 --> 00:46:27,808 I'll let you know. 644 00:46:31,647 --> 00:46:34,287 I'll call you. Oh, you call me. 645 00:46:39,647 --> 00:46:42,287 When we drove to the camp for Parents' Weekend... 646 00:46:42,527 --> 00:46:44,607 ...I was scared to face the kids. 647 00:46:45,247 --> 00:46:49,567 You'd talk about it with a best friend. But Katie had been my best friend. 648 00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:53,967 Now I didn't know what we were, except Josh and Erin's parents. 649 00:47:20,766 --> 00:47:21,966 What? 650 00:47:23,726 --> 00:47:25,086 Nothing. 651 00:47:27,966 --> 00:47:29,565 --is nothing? 652 00:47:31,085 --> 00:47:33,325 This is not going to be easy. 653 00:47:34,765 --> 00:47:37,805 The kids do not need to be burdened with our problems. 654 00:47:38,045 --> 00:47:39,805 They have half a summer left. 655 00:47:40,045 --> 00:47:42,845 Like my plan was to burden the kids with our problems. 656 00:47:43,005 --> 00:47:46,285 Jesus Christ, will you give me some fucking credit? 657 00:47:53,165 --> 00:47:54,365 I missed you. 658 00:47:54,845 --> 00:47:56,525 I missed you so much. 659 00:47:56,845 --> 00:47:58,524 I missed you both so much. 660 00:48:01,724 --> 00:48:03,484 Dad, pull yourself together. 661 00:48:03,884 --> 00:48:05,964 Dad, get off of me! 662 00:48:07,724 --> 00:48:10,604 You guys both look terrific! Show us your bunks. 663 00:48:11,564 --> 00:48:13,244 I wanna see your bunks too. 664 00:48:13,484 --> 00:48:16,204 Did you get your favorite room? The Acorn Cabin? 665 00:48:16,444 --> 00:48:17,804 Yeah, we did. 666 00:48:18,044 --> 00:48:20,124 We got the Acorn Cabin. 667 00:49:07,402 --> 00:49:09,002 God, I hate lying to them. 668 00:49:09,242 --> 00:49:11,882 Me too. We're not even good at it. 669 00:49:12,122 --> 00:49:14,762 Even if we were good at it, they'd still know. 670 00:49:38,521 --> 00:49:39,721 What is that? 671 00:49:40,281 --> 00:49:41,161 What's what? 672 00:49:41,481 --> 00:49:44,681 -The thing you just put in your mouth. -It's my biteplate. 673 00:49:44,841 --> 00:49:47,961 -Biteplate? -Yeah. It's my biteplate. 674 00:49:48,201 --> 00:49:50,921 -Why do you have a biteplate? -For my bite. 675 00:49:52,041 --> 00:49:53,401 What's wrong with your bite? 676 00:49:54,521 --> 00:49:56,201 It's askew. 677 00:49:56,361 --> 00:49:57,240 Askew? 678 00:49:57,480 --> 00:49:59,160 Yes, it's askew. 679 00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:02,920 So this would be an attempt to de-skew it? 680 00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:10,200 You order room service? 681 00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:20,120 -What's the matter? -Nothing. I'm okay. 682 00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:21,640 Honey, are you okay? 683 00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:23,800 I'm okay. I'm fine. 684 00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:27,239 I couldn't sleep, so I snuck out after lights out. 685 00:50:27,639 --> 00:50:30,039 I just wanted to sleep with you guys. 686 00:50:32,439 --> 00:50:36,279 It's okay. I'll call the camp and let them know you're here. 687 00:50:41,319 --> 00:50:43,559 Why is the bed made up on the couch? 688 00:50:45,639 --> 00:50:49,399 Daddy was doing a little reading, and I didn't wanna wake Mommy up. 689 00:51:22,278 --> 00:51:25,238 Sometimes you just can't climb out of the abyss. 690 00:51:25,958 --> 00:51:28,197 I thought of last summer, when we still hoped... 691 00:51:28,437 --> 00:51:31,397 ...that if we put ourselves in some idyllic setting... 692 00:51:31,557 --> 00:51:34,117 ...we'd somehow get rid of all the tension... 693 00:51:34,357 --> 00:51:35,877 ...jump-start our marriage... 694 00:51:36,117 --> 00:51:39,237 ...and rediscover why we fell in love in the first place. 695 00:51:39,397 --> 00:51:41,637 So last year, after Parents' Weekend... 696 00:51:41,797 --> 00:51:44,437 ...we thought maybe in a trattoria in Venice... 697 00:51:44,757 --> 00:51:48,277 ...looking at a beautiful sunset, next to a bottle of Chianti... 698 00:51:48,437 --> 00:51:51,237 ...we just might find a set of jumper cables. 699 00:51:53,077 --> 00:51:55,797 How you doing? Two Italian ices, please. 700 00:51:56,116 --> 00:52:00,116 Honey, you don't have to say Italian. We're here. They know. 701 00:52:00,436 --> 00:52:04,276 So if I'm in Belgium, and I order a Belgian waffle, I just say waffle? 702 00:52:04,516 --> 00:52:07,716 Like if you were in Ireland and you wanted Irish stew... 703 00:52:07,876 --> 00:52:09,396 ...you'd just say stew. 704 00:52:09,636 --> 00:52:12,196 If you're in China and you want Chinese food... 705 00:52:12,436 --> 00:52:14,196 ...you say, "Bring on the food." 706 00:52:15,316 --> 00:52:18,436 We couldn't help but overhear your delightful repartee. 707 00:52:18,676 --> 00:52:21,156 We're the Kirbys from Cleveland. And you are...? 708 00:52:21,396 --> 00:52:23,636 -The Mansons. -From Spawn Ranch. 709 00:52:27,875 --> 00:52:28,995 That's a good one. 710 00:52:44,995 --> 00:52:46,995 Look, sweetie. There. The red cape. 711 00:52:47,235 --> 00:52:48,515 I like that. 712 00:52:54,355 --> 00:52:55,315 It's you... 713 00:52:55,554 --> 00:52:56,354 ...people. 714 00:52:56,674 --> 00:52:59,714 -The Kirbys from Cleveland. -Joanie and Eddie. 715 00:52:59,954 --> 00:53:03,234 How could we forget? We haven't stopped talking about you. 716 00:53:03,714 --> 00:53:06,754 This is fate. We have to get together, break bread. 717 00:53:06,914 --> 00:53:09,714 Sounds great. We're at the Hotel Pasta e Fagioli. 718 00:53:10,834 --> 00:53:13,234 You call us. We're at the Europa Regina. 719 00:53:13,474 --> 00:53:15,714 Great. We'll call you. 720 00:53:15,954 --> 00:53:17,074 Oh, right on! 721 00:53:19,714 --> 00:53:20,594 Look at this. 722 00:53:20,834 --> 00:53:22,674 -This is beautiful. -This way. 723 00:53:22,994 --> 00:53:25,074 -Thank you. -Canal-side seating. 724 00:53:25,313 --> 00:53:26,673 Very nice. 725 00:53:29,233 --> 00:53:31,153 Oh, my God! 726 00:53:32,193 --> 00:53:33,633 Meant to be! 727 00:53:34,593 --> 00:53:36,593 Kismet! Kismet! 728 00:53:36,993 --> 00:53:40,833 We went looking for your hotel, but we couldn't find it anywhere. 729 00:53:41,073 --> 00:53:44,993 -Yeah, it's pretty hard to find. -Well, all's well that ends well. 730 00:53:47,233 --> 00:53:50,673 It was just like fate, the first time I met Joanie. 731 00:53:50,913 --> 00:53:54,433 I worked on the 6th floor, and Eddie worked on the 4th floor. 732 00:53:54,753 --> 00:53:56,992 -Hand to God. -Every day in the cafeteria... 733 00:53:57,232 --> 00:53:59,712 -...on the third floor-- -I saw Joanie at the salad bar. 734 00:53:59,952 --> 00:54:02,352 And she smiled at me. Not just a smile. 735 00:54:02,592 --> 00:54:04,512 I mean, a really big smile. 736 00:54:05,312 --> 00:54:07,872 One day at the salad bar at Beefsteak Charlie's... 737 00:54:08,192 --> 00:54:10,512 ...I thought I saw her at that salad bar. 738 00:54:10,752 --> 00:54:13,232 -But it wasn't me. -It wasn't Joanie! 739 00:54:14,112 --> 00:54:18,112 What are the odds of another person at a salad bar looking like Joanie... 740 00:54:18,352 --> 00:54:20,192 ...and yet not being Joanie? 741 00:54:20,992 --> 00:54:23,312 What, like a trillion to one? 742 00:54:23,552 --> 00:54:25,311 Could be higher than that. 743 00:54:25,551 --> 00:54:29,551 Anyway, when I realized it wasn't Joanie, I was so disappointed. 744 00:54:29,791 --> 00:54:33,791 And I began to think about how much I'd hoped that it was Joanie. 745 00:54:34,031 --> 00:54:36,431 But at this point you still hadn't met. 746 00:54:36,671 --> 00:54:41,391 No. And I couldn't get over how much I wanted this person to be Joanie. 747 00:54:41,631 --> 00:54:44,511 And I think that was the defining moment. 748 00:54:44,751 --> 00:54:47,951 I went back to my wife at the table at Beefsteak Charlie's... 749 00:54:48,271 --> 00:54:52,191 ...and I realized I felt more alive thinking about that stranger... 750 00:54:52,431 --> 00:54:56,350 ...I thought was Joanie than I did with the stranger who was my wife. 751 00:54:56,590 --> 00:54:58,830 We were both in marriages we'd outgrown. 752 00:54:59,070 --> 00:55:01,950 You know, maybe I didn't wanna admit it, but maybe... 753 00:55:02,110 --> 00:55:05,790 ...I didn't like myself enough to be with someone who liked me. 754 00:55:06,030 --> 00:55:08,910 Can you imagine anybody not liking Eddie Kirby? 755 00:55:09,150 --> 00:55:11,150 I'm not so perfect. 756 00:55:11,390 --> 00:55:12,990 Beg to differ! 757 00:55:13,310 --> 00:55:18,190 That year we both mustered up enough courage to leave our marriages. 758 00:55:18,510 --> 00:55:20,350 So at this point you had met. 759 00:55:21,470 --> 00:55:22,350 Still hadn't met. 760 00:55:23,230 --> 00:55:27,149 But, you know, after you've had such a horrible marriage... 761 00:55:27,469 --> 00:55:30,349 ...you don't wanna make the same mistakes twice. 762 00:55:30,589 --> 00:55:32,989 So I made an inner pact with myself. 763 00:55:33,229 --> 00:55:36,749 I said, "Eddie, you will never let anger build up to the point... 764 00:55:36,989 --> 00:55:38,829 ...where you don't like your partner." 765 00:55:39,149 --> 00:55:41,469 -I made the same pact. -That became our credo. 766 00:55:41,789 --> 00:55:44,349 "Never go to bed angry." 767 00:55:44,909 --> 00:55:47,149 So now we talk everything through. 768 00:55:47,389 --> 00:55:50,989 We won't let even the tiniest pea be under our mattress. 769 00:55:51,229 --> 00:55:53,629 That's why we never eat in bed. 770 00:55:57,388 --> 00:55:59,148 Me too. 771 00:56:02,428 --> 00:56:04,268 Who'd have thought the Kirbys... 772 00:56:04,428 --> 00:56:06,828 ...the happiest couple never to have met... 773 00:56:06,988 --> 00:56:10,028 ...would be the greatest aphrodisiac known to man? 774 00:56:35,387 --> 00:56:38,347 If only you could bottle that unfettered state of mind... 775 00:56:38,587 --> 00:56:40,587 ...that comes with being on foreign soil... 776 00:56:41,067 --> 00:56:42,587 ...to just hold on to it... 777 00:56:42,827 --> 00:56:45,387 ...even for a day, an evening... 778 00:56:46,107 --> 00:56:47,467 ...an hour. 779 00:56:47,867 --> 00:56:50,907 Last year, when we got back from Italy, God knows... 780 00:56:51,147 --> 00:56:52,987 ...we gave it a try. 781 00:57:07,946 --> 00:57:09,386 Hey, look at this. 782 00:57:09,946 --> 00:57:14,106 While we were away, we got a message from His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. 783 00:57:15,866 --> 00:57:18,026 About a softball team he's getting started. 784 00:57:19,706 --> 00:57:23,545 You wanna write a letter to the kids together, let them know we're back? 785 00:57:28,905 --> 00:57:31,785 "Dear Josh... 786 00:57:32,425 --> 00:57:33,945 ...and Erin." 787 00:57:34,345 --> 00:57:37,225 Oh, sure. You get the easy part. 788 00:57:40,745 --> 00:57:41,785 "We're... 789 00:57:43,145 --> 00:57:44,345 ...back." 790 00:57:47,625 --> 00:57:49,305 "From... 791 00:57:50,185 --> 00:57:51,305 ...Europe." 792 00:57:52,345 --> 00:57:54,824 That's not a sentence. It's a preposition and a continent. 793 00:57:55,064 --> 00:57:57,464 I crossed out your period and made a sentence. 794 00:57:57,624 --> 00:58:00,744 See? "We're back from Europe." Your turn. 795 00:58:00,984 --> 00:58:01,944 Thank you. 796 00:58:02,824 --> 00:58:06,744 Exclamation point. Comma. Close parentheses. 797 00:58:07,064 --> 00:58:08,984 "But l... 798 00:58:09,704 --> 00:58:11,704 ...don't want to talk... 799 00:58:11,944 --> 00:58:14,264 ...about grammar." 800 00:58:14,504 --> 00:58:18,904 Colon. "I want to... 801 00:58:19,784 --> 00:58:21,784 ...make love to... 802 00:58:22,104 --> 00:58:24,183 ...your mother." 803 00:58:25,783 --> 00:58:27,783 No, you didn't write that. 804 00:58:30,823 --> 00:58:33,463 What? I do. I want to. 805 00:58:33,703 --> 00:58:35,463 After we finish the letter. 806 00:58:35,703 --> 00:58:39,783 No, let's make love right now. Then we write the letter. 807 00:58:40,023 --> 00:58:43,303 Come on, we only had a couple of sentences to go. 808 00:58:43,623 --> 00:58:46,663 In Europe, you would've made love first. 809 00:58:47,783 --> 00:58:50,343 -What's that supposed to mean? -Nothing. 810 00:58:50,583 --> 00:58:53,302 -That I'm not spontaneous? -I'm not saying that. 811 00:58:53,462 --> 00:58:55,222 But that's what you implied. 812 00:58:55,462 --> 00:58:57,702 That in Europe I'd have made love, but here-- 813 00:58:57,942 --> 00:59:00,022 I don't want us to get to the point... 814 00:59:00,342 --> 00:59:03,702 ...where we can't make love unless there's a concierge downstairs. 815 00:59:03,942 --> 00:59:08,502 I wanted to take three minutes to finish a letter to our children... 816 00:59:08,662 --> 00:59:10,102 ...who I haven't seen-- 817 00:59:10,262 --> 00:59:13,942 What's that supposed to mean? That I don't care about our children? 818 00:59:14,102 --> 00:59:16,342 If I finish the letter, I could be spontaneous. 819 00:59:16,502 --> 00:59:19,462 That's not spontaneous! That's making an appointment! 820 00:59:19,702 --> 00:59:22,341 I was in the mood for unscheduled affection... 821 00:59:22,581 --> 00:59:24,661 ...but sorry, we're home. I forgot... 822 00:59:24,821 --> 00:59:27,221 ...everything's gotta be on a schedule! 823 00:59:28,181 --> 00:59:31,381 You try raising children where everything's unscheduled... 824 00:59:31,621 --> 00:59:33,461 ...when everything's spontaneous! 825 00:59:33,781 --> 00:59:37,061 You know what? The kids need a little spontaneity too! 826 00:59:37,541 --> 00:59:39,301 I know that! 827 00:59:39,541 --> 00:59:43,861 I'm sick and tired of being the designated driver of this marriage! 828 00:59:44,101 --> 00:59:46,901 Nobody designated you! It's a role you gave yourself! 829 00:59:47,221 --> 00:59:49,301 Bullshit! You gave me that role! 830 00:59:49,541 --> 00:59:53,780 Because God forbid Ben should ever remember to cancel the newspapers... 831 00:59:53,940 --> 00:59:55,700 ...or put washer fluid in his car... 832 00:59:55,940 --> 00:59:58,740 ...or participate in disciplining his children... 833 00:59:58,980 --> 01:00:02,100 ...instead of flirting on the phone with your girlfriend! 834 01:00:02,340 --> 01:00:04,100 You're not bringing that up again! 835 01:00:04,260 --> 01:00:06,580 You're damn straight I'll bring it up again! 836 01:00:06,820 --> 01:00:08,660 I haven't spoken to her in six months! 837 01:00:08,900 --> 01:00:11,460 Not once have you seen it through my eyes! 838 01:00:11,700 --> 01:00:14,900 We don't have a pea under our mattress. You know what we have? 839 01:00:15,140 --> 01:00:16,260 A fucking watermelon! 840 01:00:16,580 --> 01:00:18,740 And you never wanna deal with it! 841 01:00:18,900 --> 01:00:20,740 Oh, fuck it! 842 01:00:21,140 --> 01:00:22,739 Jesus! 843 01:00:30,419 --> 01:00:32,019 Welcome home. 844 01:00:40,259 --> 01:00:41,539 Bye, Dad. 845 01:00:42,019 --> 01:00:43,859 -Thanks. -I love you. 846 01:00:44,979 --> 01:00:46,659 -Bye, Mom. -Buddy. 847 01:00:48,899 --> 01:00:50,259 Love you. 848 01:00:51,219 --> 01:00:52,978 See you guys in a month. 849 01:00:59,698 --> 01:01:01,138 Bye, you guys. 850 01:01:02,098 --> 01:01:03,458 -Bye, Daddy. -Couple of weeks. 851 01:01:03,618 --> 01:01:05,778 -Watch your toes. -See you. 852 01:01:05,938 --> 01:01:07,378 Bye, kids. 853 01:01:23,297 --> 01:01:25,697 Do you think we should get one lawyer or two? 854 01:01:30,337 --> 01:01:31,457 One. 855 01:01:33,057 --> 01:01:35,937 Maybe we can at least make this part.... 856 01:01:38,577 --> 01:01:42,817 All I care about is that we make it as easy for the kids as possible. 857 01:01:47,377 --> 01:01:51,776 I'm sure you noticed the bathroom has the original tiling from the '20s. 858 01:01:52,016 --> 01:01:52,976 It's nice. 859 01:01:53,136 --> 01:01:56,496 You know, since you're a writer, I know you'd appreciate... 860 01:01:56,736 --> 01:01:59,216 ...that the sister of Bette Davis' chauffeur... 861 01:01:59,456 --> 01:02:02,736 ...once had Thanksgiving in the apartment next door. 862 01:02:03,376 --> 01:02:04,496 Really? 863 01:02:05,536 --> 01:02:07,936 Are there any other kids in this building? 864 01:02:08,176 --> 01:02:12,176 Oodles! Including, if I might add, the nephew of the actor... 865 01:02:12,336 --> 01:02:15,696 ...who jumped third into the fourth lifeboat on Titanic. 866 01:02:15,936 --> 01:02:18,656 Rent the film, you'll see. I'll introduce you. 867 01:02:18,896 --> 01:02:22,895 I'm showing it to another family today, but if you're interested... 868 01:02:23,055 --> 01:02:26,095 ...I can hold it for you, give your wife a look-see-- 869 01:02:26,335 --> 01:02:27,135 I'm interested. 870 01:02:27,375 --> 01:02:31,535 Who wouldn't be? Look how the light from that window fills the room. 871 01:02:32,175 --> 01:02:33,935 When I showed this apartment... 872 01:02:34,095 --> 01:02:36,895 ...to the man who did the voice of Charlie the Tuna... 873 01:02:37,215 --> 01:02:40,895 ...he said, and I quote, "Wow," unquote. 874 01:02:41,135 --> 01:02:42,975 I think that says it all. 875 01:02:45,615 --> 01:02:47,375 First, you put olive oil... 876 01:02:47,615 --> 01:02:49,375 ...garlic and tofu. 877 01:02:49,615 --> 01:02:52,094 Saut� until garlic turn light brown. 878 01:02:52,414 --> 01:02:55,854 Make sure that your wok have a strong heat underneath it. 879 01:02:56,094 --> 01:02:59,054 Now take an egg and crack it to the hot oil. 880 01:03:01,294 --> 01:03:05,214 Make sure all the ingredients are cooked thoroughly. 881 01:03:06,574 --> 01:03:07,534 You okay? 882 01:03:07,694 --> 01:03:09,854 Yeah, I'm fine. 883 01:03:10,814 --> 01:03:13,054 Now we add some Pad Thai noodle. 884 01:03:14,974 --> 01:03:18,574 I saw Deirdre up at Parents' Weekend, but I didn't see you. 885 01:03:18,894 --> 01:03:20,733 I went up the weekend before. 886 01:03:20,973 --> 01:03:22,893 You know, since the divorce... 887 01:03:23,133 --> 01:03:26,813 ...it's a lot easier for everyone if we come up at separate times. 888 01:03:27,213 --> 01:03:30,253 Kevin and I took a great hike up to that waterfall. 889 01:03:30,413 --> 01:03:32,093 You and Ben take that hike? 890 01:03:32,333 --> 01:03:34,653 Yeah, it was beautiful. 891 01:03:35,293 --> 01:03:37,853 Spice it up with some chili pepper. 892 01:03:38,093 --> 01:03:41,133 You know, spicy food make a better lover. 893 01:03:41,453 --> 01:03:43,693 The hotter you eat, the hotter you get. 894 01:03:45,133 --> 01:03:47,533 Well, the spicier the better for me. 895 01:03:49,133 --> 01:03:50,332 Rice vinegar. 896 01:03:54,492 --> 01:03:55,932 Does Ben like Thai food? 897 01:03:58,492 --> 01:04:00,172 You and Ben been to Tommy Tang's? 898 01:04:00,332 --> 01:04:01,772 Ben and I are di-- 899 01:04:02,412 --> 01:04:03,612 Separated. 900 01:04:05,132 --> 01:04:06,652 Gee, I had no idea. 901 01:04:06,972 --> 01:04:09,292 We're not really telling people. 902 01:04:09,452 --> 01:04:11,292 I understand. 903 01:04:11,772 --> 01:04:14,092 I'm so sorry. How long? 904 01:04:15,132 --> 01:04:19,132 72 hours, four weeks, five years... 905 01:04:19,372 --> 01:04:21,691 ...depending on when you start counting. 906 01:04:21,851 --> 01:04:24,971 I'm really sorry. I know how hard it can be. 907 01:04:28,171 --> 01:04:29,691 This will sound crazy... 908 01:04:30,011 --> 01:04:33,371 ...but I always enjoyed Erin and Josh's appointments... 909 01:04:33,611 --> 01:04:36,491 ...because it gave me a chance to get to know you. 910 01:04:37,051 --> 01:04:39,851 But when you called me about your bite... 911 01:04:40,171 --> 01:04:44,651 ...I felt myself looking forward to it because I knew we'd be alone. 912 01:04:45,851 --> 01:04:48,891 And just tell me if it's too soon... 913 01:04:49,770 --> 01:04:53,370 ...but I wondered if maybe you wanted to have dinner sometime? 914 01:04:55,370 --> 01:04:56,970 We are having dinner. 915 01:04:58,890 --> 01:05:02,410 I was thinking of something that didn't involve a teacher. 916 01:05:06,010 --> 01:05:08,010 You always hear people say... 917 01:05:08,170 --> 01:05:10,490 ...they stayed too long in a bad marriage. 918 01:05:10,730 --> 01:05:14,490 For the longest time, I never thought of my marriage as being bad. 919 01:05:14,730 --> 01:05:18,410 I thought love was something you were allowed to fall in and out of. 920 01:05:18,570 --> 01:05:20,489 You know, peaks and valleys. 921 01:05:21,129 --> 01:05:22,729 But after a while... 922 01:05:23,049 --> 01:05:26,249 ...the peaks get lower and further apart. 923 01:05:26,409 --> 01:05:30,329 Then one day you find yourself wondering, "Is this who I really am? 924 01:05:30,569 --> 01:05:33,929 Someone who has taken up permanent residence in the valley? 925 01:05:34,169 --> 01:05:37,929 Or is this just who I am with this person?" 926 01:05:39,369 --> 01:05:41,849 And then, you ask yourself: 927 01:05:42,089 --> 01:05:45,689 "Maybe there is another version of my life, of myself... 928 01:05:45,929 --> 01:05:48,169 ...that's a happier one. " 929 01:06:05,448 --> 01:06:06,888 Bullshit. 930 01:06:08,568 --> 01:06:11,768 "Yossel looked into Minnie's eyes and felt... 931 01:06:13,368 --> 01:06:14,648 ...nothing. 932 01:06:14,968 --> 01:06:19,207 For two years they'd been apart. 933 01:06:19,447 --> 01:06:22,807 And now, as she stepped off the boat... 934 01:06:23,047 --> 01:06:26,087 ...he realized he was looking into the eyes... 935 01:06:27,527 --> 01:06:29,047 ...of a stranger. 936 01:06:31,127 --> 01:06:33,447 A girl he no longer knew. 937 01:06:34,087 --> 01:06:37,607 He had become an American. 938 01:06:38,327 --> 01:06:43,047 And she was still the poor... 939 01:06:46,167 --> 01:06:48,167 ...unaffectionate... 940 01:06:49,046 --> 01:06:50,486 ...daughter... 941 01:06:52,246 --> 01:06:55,606 ...of a blind Lithuanian violin maker." 942 01:06:57,046 --> 01:07:00,806 It's fear. It was all about fear. Fear's what kept them together. 943 01:07:01,046 --> 01:07:04,406 This whole time I've idealized my grandparents' marriage. 944 01:07:04,646 --> 01:07:07,126 But this was not the love of the ages. 945 01:07:07,446 --> 01:07:10,566 The two stayed together because they were terrified. 946 01:07:10,726 --> 01:07:13,926 Fear of loneliness, fear of failure, fear of the unknown. 947 01:07:14,166 --> 01:07:17,766 Sure, fear. That's the main motivator for everything. 948 01:07:18,006 --> 01:07:21,445 That and guilt are the two emotions that keep a society humming. 949 01:07:21,685 --> 01:07:24,005 You and Rachel stay together because of fear? 950 01:07:24,245 --> 01:07:26,005 -In a word, yes. -You're okay with that? 951 01:07:26,325 --> 01:07:28,485 In three words, yes and no. 952 01:07:29,045 --> 01:07:32,885 See, it's not that simple. You're looking for clear-cut answers. 953 01:07:33,125 --> 01:07:36,565 In reality, there's nothing clear-cut. Life is not clear-cut. 954 01:07:36,805 --> 01:07:38,805 Life is gray. 955 01:07:39,045 --> 01:07:40,325 For instance: 956 01:07:42,165 --> 01:07:44,005 What do you see right here? 957 01:07:46,005 --> 01:07:49,284 -What are you asking me? -I'm asking you, what do you see? 958 01:07:49,524 --> 01:07:51,044 I see your ass. 959 01:07:51,444 --> 01:07:55,684 That's what you think you see. But in reality, there is no ass. 960 01:07:57,284 --> 01:08:00,164 What the f--? What are you telling me? 961 01:08:00,404 --> 01:08:05,124 There is no ass, just the fatty part at the top of each leg... 962 01:08:05,364 --> 01:08:07,844 ...that is butted up against each other. 963 01:08:08,084 --> 01:08:09,524 Hence the word "butt." 964 01:08:09,844 --> 01:08:11,524 See, essentially... 965 01:08:11,764 --> 01:08:15,444 ...what we're dealing with here is just a continuation of the leg. 966 01:08:15,684 --> 01:08:17,843 Okay, all right, now you lost me. 967 01:08:18,723 --> 01:08:22,403 It's all illusions. There is no such thing as an ass. 968 01:08:22,643 --> 01:08:26,963 Just like there's no such thing as the perfect marriage, job or child. 969 01:08:27,203 --> 01:08:31,443 The whole notion of staying together and living happily ever after... 970 01:08:31,683 --> 01:08:33,043 ...all illusions. 971 01:08:33,283 --> 01:08:36,003 You're saying you don't believe in everlasting love? 972 01:08:37,283 --> 01:08:40,883 You're seeing the ass again and not the tops of the legs. 973 01:08:42,083 --> 01:08:45,443 Love is just lust in disguise. And lust fades. 974 01:08:45,683 --> 01:08:49,282 So you damn well better be with someone who can stand you. 975 01:08:49,522 --> 01:08:53,202 Katie and I have moved way past being able to stand each other. 976 01:08:53,442 --> 01:08:55,522 We've moved right into the hatred part. 977 01:08:55,762 --> 01:08:58,562 I wouldn't worry about it. Hate fades. 978 01:08:59,602 --> 01:09:01,282 Hate fades? 979 01:09:03,602 --> 01:09:07,602 That's what you're gonna send me out into the world with? 980 01:09:07,842 --> 01:09:11,602 "Hate fades. Love is lust. There is no ass." 981 01:09:12,802 --> 01:09:15,602 What a disappointment you've turned out to be. 982 01:09:18,561 --> 01:09:20,321 Just promise me one thing. 983 01:09:20,561 --> 01:09:24,401 Please promise me that you will not say any of this to Rachel. 984 01:09:24,641 --> 01:09:27,361 Are you crazy? This conversation ends here. 985 01:09:27,921 --> 01:09:30,561 When Stan called me, I couldn't believe it. 986 01:09:30,801 --> 01:09:32,801 I knew it was rough for you guys-- 987 01:09:33,041 --> 01:09:36,081 We didn't wanna say until we knew we weren't getting back together. 988 01:09:36,321 --> 01:09:37,841 Oh, my God. 989 01:09:40,561 --> 01:09:41,681 How are you doing? 990 01:09:41,921 --> 01:09:44,801 I don't know. I thought I'd be devastated. 991 01:09:45,041 --> 01:09:47,440 Maybe it just hasn't hit me. 992 01:09:49,840 --> 01:09:53,280 -You're having an affair. -What are you talking about? 993 01:09:53,520 --> 01:09:56,320 You're only not devastated if you're seeing someone else. 994 01:09:56,480 --> 01:09:58,160 I'm not seeing someone else. 995 01:09:58,320 --> 01:10:00,320 Are you serious about who you're not seeing? 996 01:10:00,560 --> 01:10:02,960 I don't know. I know he's nothing like Ben. 997 01:10:03,120 --> 01:10:06,160 He's responsible, plans ahead, has a Swiss Army knife. 998 01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:08,000 He even wants to cook me dinner. 999 01:10:08,160 --> 01:10:09,760 -He's a sandbag. -A what? 1000 01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:12,480 He's just a sandbag against the storm... 1001 01:10:12,720 --> 01:10:15,680 ...holding off the inevitable devastation. 1002 01:10:18,479 --> 01:10:20,239 Rachel, you okay? 1003 01:10:22,959 --> 01:10:24,159 Honey? 1004 01:10:26,719 --> 01:10:28,079 I'm sorry. 1005 01:10:29,519 --> 01:10:32,959 I know I'm supposed to be the one holding your hand... 1006 01:10:33,199 --> 01:10:35,119 ...but I just feel terrible. 1007 01:10:35,839 --> 01:10:39,199 I mean, the thought of you guys not being together.... 1008 01:10:39,359 --> 01:10:40,719 You're our best friends. 1009 01:10:41,519 --> 01:10:45,359 Fourth of Julys and Thanksgivings and Christmases. 1010 01:10:45,999 --> 01:10:48,638 You guys were our Fred and Ethel Mertz. 1011 01:10:49,118 --> 01:10:51,998 We thought you guys were our Fred and Ethel Mertz. 1012 01:10:53,118 --> 01:10:54,478 Really? 1013 01:10:54,798 --> 01:10:58,878 I never thought this was going to happen to me and Ben. 1014 01:10:59,118 --> 01:11:02,718 I thought we were going to be the ones to go the distance. 1015 01:11:02,958 --> 01:11:07,758 But I just couldn't seem to get him to put down that purple crayon. 1016 01:11:08,718 --> 01:11:12,718 But that's Ben. That's who you fell in love with. 1017 01:11:12,958 --> 01:11:15,838 Katie, you are at 80 who you are at 8. 1018 01:11:16,078 --> 01:11:18,637 People don't change! 1019 01:11:19,037 --> 01:11:22,237 People change over time. You've got to expect that. 1020 01:11:22,397 --> 01:11:27,357 The only way a relationship works is if people grow and change together. 1021 01:11:28,637 --> 01:11:30,557 Mr. and Mrs. Cogen, Mr. Jordan. 1022 01:11:30,877 --> 01:11:35,117 Nice to have you tonight. Is Mrs. Jordan not joining us this evening? 1023 01:11:35,357 --> 01:11:39,197 No, she's not. Stan, I told you to make the reservation for three! 1024 01:11:39,437 --> 01:11:41,757 -I forgot. -How could you forget that? 1025 01:11:41,917 --> 01:11:44,557 Say it louder. The guy in the lot didn't hear you. 1026 01:11:44,797 --> 01:11:46,396 It wasn't that loud. 1027 01:11:53,116 --> 01:11:55,196 Did you see Sunday's 7 down? 1028 01:11:55,436 --> 01:11:57,676 -I missed that one. -Five-letter word. 1029 01:11:57,996 --> 01:12:00,316 "Wants, requirements." 1030 01:12:00,716 --> 01:12:02,556 Rhymes with weeds. 1031 01:12:02,796 --> 01:12:03,836 "Needs"? 1032 01:12:04,076 --> 01:12:06,796 Exactly. It was a direct attack on me. 1033 01:12:07,036 --> 01:12:08,956 Come on. You're being silly. 1034 01:12:09,116 --> 01:12:11,436 It was just a clue in a crossword puzzle. 1035 01:12:11,996 --> 01:12:15,915 I know my wife. She was specifically attacking me. 1036 01:12:16,235 --> 01:12:17,435 And for what? 1037 01:12:17,755 --> 01:12:19,435 For having needs. 1038 01:12:20,235 --> 01:12:22,395 Like having needs is some terrible thing. 1039 01:12:22,875 --> 01:12:25,915 Show me one person that doesn't have needs. 1040 01:12:28,475 --> 01:12:31,595 Try this bread dipped in the olive oil. It's delicious. 1041 01:12:31,835 --> 01:12:33,275 Stan, give Ben the bread! 1042 01:12:33,595 --> 01:12:34,795 Why must you yell? 1043 01:12:34,955 --> 01:12:36,235 -Who yelled? -You. 1044 01:12:36,475 --> 01:12:37,275 That's not a yell. 1045 01:12:37,595 --> 01:12:39,915 He hears everything as a yell. 1046 01:12:40,155 --> 01:12:42,475 On anyone's yell-o-meter, that was a yell. 1047 01:12:42,715 --> 01:12:44,875 Was that a yell? He didn't hear it as a yell. 1048 01:12:45,115 --> 01:12:47,274 His mom was a yeller. He still hears her. 1049 01:12:47,514 --> 01:12:49,994 How could I hear her? You drown her out. 1050 01:12:50,234 --> 01:12:51,274 It's true. 1051 01:12:51,514 --> 01:12:53,834 The last few years, when Katie opened her mouth... 1052 01:12:54,154 --> 01:12:55,914 ...all I'd hear was her mother. 1053 01:12:56,874 --> 01:12:57,914 Dot. 1054 01:12:58,714 --> 01:13:03,194 It wasn't easy for Katie to be raised by a woman as complicated as Dot. 1055 01:13:03,514 --> 01:13:05,434 Please, she wasn't complicated. 1056 01:13:05,674 --> 01:13:09,434 She was an idiot who made everyone else's life complicated. 1057 01:13:09,674 --> 01:13:13,114 You wouldn't believe the beautiful psychological heirlooms... 1058 01:13:13,354 --> 01:13:15,513 ...this snapping turtle handed down. 1059 01:13:15,833 --> 01:13:18,313 Everything's gotta be in a neat little box... 1060 01:13:18,553 --> 01:13:20,873 ...with a little blue bow on it. 1061 01:13:21,193 --> 01:13:22,553 Punctual. 1062 01:13:22,793 --> 01:13:23,993 Ordered. 1063 01:13:24,233 --> 01:13:27,353 God forbid anything unexpected should happen... 1064 01:13:27,593 --> 01:13:30,953 ...any perchances, happenstances... 1065 01:13:31,193 --> 01:13:33,993 ...left turns, serendipities! 1066 01:13:34,233 --> 01:13:36,793 Nope, no way! Not allowed! 1067 01:13:37,033 --> 01:13:39,433 Out-of-bounds! Foul ball! 1068 01:13:39,673 --> 01:13:43,753 15-yard penalty! Too much time being spontaneous! 1069 01:13:43,993 --> 01:13:47,112 Everything's gotta be connected. Gotta connect the dots. 1070 01:13:47,352 --> 01:13:49,432 Maybe that's why they call her Dot. 1071 01:13:49,672 --> 01:13:53,192 You notice that her name wasn't Gay or Joy or Fun! 1072 01:13:53,512 --> 01:13:54,792 Try the bread-- 1073 01:13:54,952 --> 01:13:57,592 You can't even fuck unless everything's just right! 1074 01:13:58,232 --> 01:14:02,472 Like a plane waiting for takeoff. Windows shut? Check. 1075 01:14:02,712 --> 01:14:06,312 Doors locked? Check! Heat on? Check! 1076 01:14:06,552 --> 01:14:09,352 Have we covered every possible, single reason... 1077 01:14:09,592 --> 01:14:11,192 ...why everything is my fault?! 1078 01:14:11,512 --> 01:14:16,071 Houston, we got a problem and her name is Dot! 1079 01:14:16,231 --> 01:14:19,191 -Ben, bread. -There are people like Katie and Dot... 1080 01:14:19,351 --> 01:14:22,071 ...who color inside the lines, and people like you... 1081 01:14:22,311 --> 01:14:25,511 ...who wander outside. That can be a very endearing quality. 1082 01:14:25,751 --> 01:14:29,111 That's why Katie fell in love with you. Once you have kids-- 1083 01:14:29,351 --> 01:14:31,031 I am not a third child! 1084 01:14:31,351 --> 01:14:33,991 Excuse me if my watch has no hands on it. 1085 01:14:34,231 --> 01:14:37,991 That's fine. It's just, somebody has to establish the routine-- 1086 01:14:38,231 --> 01:14:40,551 Are you saying it's all my fault?! 1087 01:14:41,511 --> 01:14:43,031 It's nobody's fault! 1088 01:14:43,191 --> 01:14:46,390 When people say it's nobody's fault, they don't mean that. 1089 01:14:46,630 --> 01:14:50,070 They mean it's your fault! The nobody's fault things are... 1090 01:14:50,390 --> 01:14:53,910 ...hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, acts of God! 1091 01:14:54,150 --> 01:14:58,070 But when a marriage fails, it's gotta be somebody's fault! 1092 01:14:58,310 --> 01:14:59,510 And it's not mine! 1093 01:15:00,710 --> 01:15:04,230 Take that fucking bread and shove it up the tops of your legs! 1094 01:15:47,348 --> 01:15:51,588 Maybe I'm tired! Maybe I'm dealing with 5000 things all day long! 1095 01:15:51,828 --> 01:15:54,388 Maybe every need you have doesn't have to be met... 1096 01:15:54,628 --> 01:15:56,948 ...at the exact moment you need it to be met! 1097 01:15:57,108 --> 01:16:00,868 I'm sick and tired of being the designated driver of this marriage! 1098 01:16:01,108 --> 01:16:03,988 Nobody designated you! It's a role you gave yourself! 1099 01:16:04,308 --> 01:16:07,188 Not once have you seen it through my eyes! 1100 01:16:07,508 --> 01:16:10,868 We don't have a pea under our mattress. You know what we have? 1101 01:16:11,108 --> 01:16:13,508 A fucking watermelon! 1102 01:16:23,507 --> 01:16:24,947 You okay? 1103 01:16:26,787 --> 01:16:28,627 Take me to Katie's. 1104 01:16:33,507 --> 01:16:35,187 What are you doing here? 1105 01:16:35,827 --> 01:16:38,307 I wanted to know what your high was today. 1106 01:16:40,067 --> 01:16:42,147 You should've called. 1107 01:16:42,787 --> 01:16:44,546 My high was about you. 1108 01:16:47,666 --> 01:16:50,626 Tonight I saw myself through your eyes. 1109 01:16:55,586 --> 01:16:56,786 And I'm sorry. 1110 01:16:57,186 --> 01:16:58,786 It might be a nice touch... 1111 01:16:59,026 --> 01:17:02,226 ...if you add some roasted peanuts to the sesame-- 1112 01:17:08,466 --> 01:17:11,586 At some point we should discuss how to tell the children. 1113 01:17:43,584 --> 01:17:45,664 How you doing? Come on in. 1114 01:17:46,784 --> 01:17:48,144 This is nice. 1115 01:17:48,384 --> 01:17:49,344 Thanks. 1116 01:17:49,584 --> 01:17:52,544 It's close to the park. The kids and I can walk. 1117 01:17:52,864 --> 01:17:54,944 You want something to drink? 1118 01:17:55,104 --> 01:17:57,984 I'll take water if you don't have anything else. 1119 01:18:00,624 --> 01:18:02,624 We have pretty much anything you want. 1120 01:18:02,944 --> 01:18:04,784 Beer, Gatorade... 1121 01:18:04,944 --> 01:18:07,184 ...fruit juice, iced tea. 1122 01:18:07,424 --> 01:18:09,024 Iced tea is fine. 1123 01:18:16,623 --> 01:18:17,503 Here you go. 1124 01:18:18,143 --> 01:18:19,583 You have a watch. 1125 01:18:22,063 --> 01:18:23,423 Come on in. 1126 01:18:25,503 --> 01:18:26,783 Sit down here. 1127 01:18:37,023 --> 01:18:39,023 I think we should.... 1128 01:18:40,943 --> 01:18:45,182 When we pick the kids up Thursday, we should just tell them that night. 1129 01:18:46,302 --> 01:18:49,262 We don't have to tell them right away. 1130 01:18:49,502 --> 01:18:50,702 Why? 1131 01:18:51,022 --> 01:18:53,502 What will change between now and Thursday? 1132 01:18:55,662 --> 01:18:57,822 Katie, you're seeing someone else. 1133 01:18:58,142 --> 01:19:00,302 I'm not seeing him. 1134 01:19:00,622 --> 01:19:02,462 We're just talking. 1135 01:19:04,382 --> 01:19:05,422 Right. 1136 01:19:09,022 --> 01:19:12,541 I won't put up with any more of this bullshit lying to the kids. 1137 01:19:12,781 --> 01:19:16,461 We take them to Chow Fun's, their favorite restaurant, to tell them. 1138 01:19:16,701 --> 01:19:19,421 We can't really talk at Chow Fun's. 1139 01:19:19,661 --> 01:19:22,061 We'll go to the house and tell them at dinner. 1140 01:19:22,381 --> 01:19:23,261 After dinner. 1141 01:19:23,581 --> 01:19:26,141 We'll all sit down and.... 1142 01:19:26,381 --> 01:19:28,861 Jesus, how do we say this? 1143 01:19:32,301 --> 01:19:36,221 We'll just tell them how much we love them... 1144 01:19:37,181 --> 01:19:39,341 ...how amazing and beautiful they are... 1145 01:19:39,581 --> 01:19:42,700 ...so they don't think that any of this is their fault. 1146 01:19:42,940 --> 01:19:44,860 That's the important thing. 1147 01:19:46,540 --> 01:19:48,220 We'll just say that... 1148 01:19:48,780 --> 01:19:50,540 ...Mommy and Daddy... 1149 01:19:52,220 --> 01:19:54,300 ...or Mom and Dad.... 1150 01:19:55,100 --> 01:19:56,380 You think Mom and Dad? 1151 01:19:56,700 --> 01:19:57,900 Mommy and Daddy. 1152 01:19:59,980 --> 01:20:02,700 We'll say that Mommy and Daddy have grown apart. 1153 01:20:03,340 --> 01:20:07,100 I was just thinking about Erin. She'll probably say something like: 1154 01:20:07,340 --> 01:20:11,020 "Well, there must be something right about you guys... 1155 01:20:11,260 --> 01:20:15,339 ...for you to produce such beautiful and amazing kids." 1156 01:20:19,019 --> 01:20:21,739 She might say something like that, you know? 1157 01:20:30,699 --> 01:20:33,019 We'll just tell her that they were... 1158 01:20:34,459 --> 01:20:36,619 ...born in love and we'll always love them... 1159 01:20:36,859 --> 01:20:39,579 ...but Mommy and Daddy don't love each other anymore. 1160 01:20:41,498 --> 01:20:45,418 Well, wouldn't it be better if we told them... 1161 01:20:48,378 --> 01:20:51,738 ...we still love each other, but in a different way? 1162 01:20:53,658 --> 01:20:54,778 Fine. 1163 01:20:56,058 --> 01:20:58,778 -We shouldn't say that? -I said it was fine. 1164 01:20:59,658 --> 01:21:02,618 Well, it was kind of a weird "fine." 1165 01:21:03,818 --> 01:21:08,298 Should I be thrilled about how we love each other in a different way? 1166 01:21:19,657 --> 01:21:22,377 -Who is it? -Mr. Jordan, your couch is here. 1167 01:21:22,537 --> 01:21:25,577 Where have you guys been? Come on in. 1168 01:21:27,097 --> 01:21:29,977 They were supposed to be here first thing this morning. 1169 01:21:36,297 --> 01:21:39,017 I'll pick you up at 5:00 on Thursday? 1170 01:21:53,176 --> 01:21:54,536 So is there... 1171 01:21:55,816 --> 01:21:57,736 ...anything else we need to talk about? 1172 01:21:58,136 --> 01:21:59,176 Like what? 1173 01:22:02,536 --> 01:22:03,576 Nothing. 1174 01:22:06,856 --> 01:22:07,896 Bye. 1175 01:22:29,575 --> 01:22:30,855 What happened to you? 1176 01:22:31,175 --> 01:22:34,215 What happened to that fun girl with the pith helmet? 1177 01:22:34,375 --> 01:22:38,455 You don't think I ask myself that every day? 1178 01:22:38,775 --> 01:22:40,534 I'm talking about a connection! 1179 01:22:40,694 --> 01:22:45,014 A look! Something that says that we're on the same side here! 1180 01:22:46,054 --> 01:22:48,534 Isn't this the moment where one of us says: 1181 01:22:48,854 --> 01:22:50,854 "This is ridiculous. We love each other. 1182 01:22:51,094 --> 01:22:54,214 All couples go through this. Let's give it another try"? 1183 01:23:07,334 --> 01:23:09,334 It was supposed to rain today. 1184 01:23:10,773 --> 01:23:12,213 Glad it didn't. 1185 01:23:13,413 --> 01:23:14,693 Me too. 1186 01:23:19,253 --> 01:23:21,413 Turn here. If you take Sepulveda.... 1187 01:23:24,053 --> 01:23:25,013 What? 1188 01:23:26,453 --> 01:23:27,573 Nothing. 1189 01:23:41,172 --> 01:23:43,572 Do you, Katie, take Ben... 1190 01:23:43,812 --> 01:23:45,732 ...to have and to hold... 1191 01:23:45,972 --> 01:23:48,132 ...in sickness and in health... 1192 01:23:48,372 --> 01:23:50,292 ...for better or for worse... 1193 01:23:50,692 --> 01:23:53,492 -...till death do you part? -I do. 1194 01:23:56,932 --> 01:23:58,772 It's a boy. It's a girl. 1195 01:23:58,932 --> 01:23:59,892 It's a bunny! 1196 01:24:00,132 --> 01:24:01,412 It's a home run! 1197 01:24:01,652 --> 01:24:02,932 It's chickenpox. 1198 01:24:03,092 --> 01:24:04,052 It's over. 1199 01:24:04,212 --> 01:24:05,492 I love you. 1200 01:24:05,732 --> 01:24:06,612 Damn you! 1201 01:24:06,772 --> 01:24:07,652 I love you. 1202 01:24:08,612 --> 01:24:09,492 Damn it! 1203 01:24:09,651 --> 01:24:10,691 I love you. 1204 01:24:10,931 --> 01:24:12,611 I love you. I love you. I love you. 1205 01:24:12,771 --> 01:24:14,131 I hate you! 1206 01:24:14,371 --> 01:24:16,211 Fuck me. Fuck me. 1207 01:24:16,451 --> 01:24:17,331 Fuck you! 1208 01:24:20,851 --> 01:24:21,971 I love you. 1209 01:24:22,211 --> 01:24:23,171 I'm pregnant. 1210 01:24:23,411 --> 01:24:24,611 My goldfish died. 1211 01:24:24,771 --> 01:24:25,891 My hamster died. 1212 01:24:26,051 --> 01:24:26,931 My father's dying. 1213 01:24:27,171 --> 01:24:28,371 I'm pregnant. 1214 01:24:48,610 --> 01:24:50,530 Maybe we should separate. 1215 01:25:30,129 --> 01:25:32,129 Mom! Dad! 1216 01:25:32,369 --> 01:25:33,649 You ready? 1217 01:25:38,369 --> 01:25:40,768 What's up? It's good to see you. 1218 01:25:41,008 --> 01:25:42,448 How you doing? 1219 01:25:43,728 --> 01:25:44,848 What's the matter? 1220 01:25:45,328 --> 01:25:47,648 She just missed you, that's all. 1221 01:25:47,808 --> 01:25:50,288 You've both just grown so big. 1222 01:25:50,528 --> 01:25:53,088 Look at you guys. I hardly recognize you. Wait. 1223 01:25:54,208 --> 01:25:55,328 Which one is Erin? 1224 01:25:56,208 --> 01:25:57,728 Check it out, Dad. 1225 01:25:58,368 --> 01:26:02,208 I guess we know what your high is today. "Best All-Around Camper." 1226 01:26:02,368 --> 01:26:03,808 Congratulations. Look. 1227 01:26:04,048 --> 01:26:07,328 I guess this calls for a celebration! Come on! Riverdance! 1228 01:26:07,968 --> 01:26:10,447 I'm the best all-around Riverdancer 1229 01:26:10,687 --> 01:26:14,047 Come on. Kind of like a little "Latin Lupe Lu" thing. 1230 01:26:14,847 --> 01:26:16,367 Go with the big finish! 1231 01:26:16,847 --> 01:26:18,367 Come on! What? 1232 01:26:18,687 --> 01:26:22,047 -I have to see these kids next summer. -Come on, we're hungry. 1233 01:26:22,767 --> 01:26:24,847 Okay. All right. 1234 01:26:30,527 --> 01:26:31,487 Let's go home. 1235 01:26:44,446 --> 01:26:46,766 I think we should go to Chow Fun's. 1236 01:26:55,246 --> 01:26:56,766 Chow Fun's? 1237 01:26:59,006 --> 01:27:01,646 We agreed that we couldn't talk at Chow Fun's. 1238 01:27:02,206 --> 01:27:03,486 I know. 1239 01:27:05,326 --> 01:27:06,446 What are you saying? 1240 01:27:06,766 --> 01:27:08,765 I'm saying Chow Fun's. 1241 01:27:13,085 --> 01:27:16,125 Are you saying Chow Fun's because you can't face telling them? 1242 01:27:16,365 --> 01:27:18,925 If that's why, don't say Chow Fun's. 1243 01:27:19,165 --> 01:27:23,485 That's not why. I'm saying Chow Fun's because we're an "us." 1244 01:27:24,765 --> 01:27:26,925 There's a history here... 1245 01:27:27,165 --> 01:27:29,965 ...and histories don't happen overnight. 1246 01:27:30,765 --> 01:27:32,685 In Mesopotamia or ancient Troy... 1247 01:27:32,925 --> 01:27:36,845 ...or somewhere, there are cities built on top of other cities... 1248 01:27:37,005 --> 01:27:40,284 ...but I don't wanna build another city. I like this city. 1249 01:27:40,524 --> 01:27:42,204 I know where we keep the Bactine... 1250 01:27:42,444 --> 01:27:45,804 ...and what mood you're in by which eyebrow is higher. 1251 01:27:46,044 --> 01:27:50,684 You always know that I'm quiet in the morning and compensate accordingly. 1252 01:27:51,004 --> 01:27:53,644 That's a dance you perfect over time. 1253 01:27:53,884 --> 01:27:56,764 And it's much harder than I thought it would be... 1254 01:27:57,004 --> 01:28:01,324 ...but there's more good than bad. And you don't just give up! 1255 01:28:01,564 --> 01:28:04,044 And it's not for the sake of the children. 1256 01:28:04,284 --> 01:28:06,364 But they're great kids, aren't they? 1257 01:28:06,684 --> 01:28:09,163 And we made them! I mean, think about that. 1258 01:28:09,483 --> 01:28:12,523 There were no people there, and then there were people. 1259 01:28:12,763 --> 01:28:14,203 And then they grew. 1260 01:28:14,843 --> 01:28:18,683 I won't be able to say to some stranger, "Josh has your hands" ... 1261 01:28:18,923 --> 01:28:22,523 ...or "Remember how Erin threw up at the Lincoln Memorial?" 1262 01:28:22,763 --> 01:28:25,643 And I'll try to relax. 1263 01:28:26,763 --> 01:28:30,523 Let's face it, anybody will have traits that get on your nerves. 1264 01:28:30,843 --> 01:28:34,763 Why shouldn't it be your annoying traits? I'm no day at the beach. 1265 01:28:35,003 --> 01:28:38,682 But I do have a good sense of direction, so I can find the beach. 1266 01:28:38,842 --> 01:28:41,242 Which is not a criticism of yours... 1267 01:28:42,522 --> 01:28:44,442 ...it's just a strength of mine. 1268 01:28:44,682 --> 01:28:49,642 God, you're a good friend. And good friends are hard to find. 1269 01:28:50,842 --> 01:28:53,082 Charlotte said that in Charlotte's Web. 1270 01:28:53,322 --> 01:28:55,562 I love the way you read that to Erin. 1271 01:28:55,802 --> 01:28:58,682 You take on the voice of Wilbur with such commitment... 1272 01:28:58,922 --> 01:29:00,602 ...even when you're bone tired. 1273 01:29:00,842 --> 01:29:04,922 That speaks volumes about character. And ultimately... 1274 01:29:05,482 --> 01:29:08,681 ...isn't that what it comes down to? What a person's made of? 1275 01:29:09,161 --> 01:29:12,521 Because that girl in the pith helmet... 1276 01:29:12,761 --> 01:29:14,441 ...is still in here. 1277 01:29:17,721 --> 01:29:20,921 I didn't even know she existed until I met you. 1278 01:29:21,081 --> 01:29:23,241 And I'm afraid if you leave... 1279 01:29:24,201 --> 01:29:26,041 ...I may never see her again. 1280 01:29:26,281 --> 01:29:30,041 Even though I said you beat her out of me. Isn't that the paradox? 1281 01:29:30,281 --> 01:29:33,721 Haven't we hit the essential paradox? Give and take, push and pull. 1282 01:29:33,961 --> 01:29:36,920 The best of times, the worst of times. Dickens said it best. 1283 01:29:37,160 --> 01:29:41,000 The Jack Sprat of it. He could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean. 1284 01:29:41,240 --> 01:29:45,480 But that doesn't apply here, does it? I guess what I'm trying to say is... 1285 01:29:46,920 --> 01:29:49,400 ...I'm saying Chow Fun's because... 1286 01:29:50,040 --> 01:29:51,640 ...I love you. 1287 01:30:00,920 --> 01:30:02,280 I love you too. 1288 01:30:10,279 --> 01:30:11,879 Did you hear that, kids? 1289 01:30:12,199 --> 01:30:14,759 Your mom wants to go to Chow Fun's! 1290 01:30:15,799 --> 01:30:18,519 Isn't that great? I love Chow Fun's! 1291 01:30:18,839 --> 01:30:21,319 The egg rolls are good, but not that good. 1292 01:30:21,639 --> 01:30:23,559 The egg rolls are fantastic! 1293 01:30:23,719 --> 01:30:25,959 They're warm, crispy, greasy as all hell. 1294 01:30:26,279 --> 01:30:28,919 -Everything you want in an egg roll! -Exactly! 1295 01:30:29,159 --> 01:30:30,599 High/Low. Erin, you first. 1296 01:30:30,919 --> 01:30:33,799 My high for the summer is, Austin wrote me 111 times. 1297 01:30:34,119 --> 01:30:36,438 How did you come up with High/Low anyway? 1298 01:30:36,678 --> 01:30:39,318 I don't know. But I've got another game. 1299 01:30:39,478 --> 01:30:42,278 I'm thinking of seven words. What are they? 1300 01:30:42,678 --> 01:30:44,358 Do I get a hint? 1301 01:30:44,678 --> 01:30:45,478 A category? 1302 01:30:45,718 --> 01:30:48,758 -Any seven words in English. -That's right. 1303 01:30:49,078 --> 01:30:50,278 Fair enough. 1304 01:30:51,318 --> 01:30:54,038 "MacArthur Park is melting in the dark." 1305 01:30:57,398 --> 01:31:00,518 "And they lived happily ever after." 1306 01:31:01,398 --> 01:31:03,958 That's six words, but you're very close. 1307 01:31:05,238 --> 01:31:08,517 "And they lived mostly happily ever after"? 1308 01:31:09,317 --> 01:31:10,677 I hope so. 1309 01:31:11,397 --> 01:31:12,997 I think so. 1310 01:31:14,917 --> 01:31:16,117 Think so? 1311 01:31:16,677 --> 01:31:17,877 I do. 1312 01:31:19,237 --> 01:31:20,517 I do... 1313 01:31:20,997 --> 01:31:22,117 ...too. 1314 01:35:17,697 --> 01:35:27,001 Synchronization by ShooCat