1
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,919
New car, Z?
2
00:00:39,086 --> 00:00:42,756
For your information only,
that's a prototype. Bother.
3
00:00:42,923 --> 00:00:48,052
Yes? Right. l'll be back in a sec'.
Don't touch a thing.
4
00:00:58,979 --> 00:01:03,191
England captain,
Danny ''Mean Machine'' Meehan,
5
00:01:03,358 --> 00:01:06,068
is licensed to score with Umbro.
6
00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:16,161
Licensed to get hammered, you mean.
7
00:02:03,369 --> 00:02:05,121
Large whisky.
8
00:02:05,288 --> 00:02:06,956
Do you want anything in that?
9
00:02:07,123 --> 00:02:09,375
Yeah, a double.
10
00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:12,627
lt's lively in here.
11
00:02:12,794 --> 00:02:14,921
Didn't you use to be Danny Meehan?
12
00:02:15,088 --> 00:02:17,799
Used to be.
A very long time ago.
13
00:02:17,966 --> 00:02:21,052
Sir, we're going to
have to breathalyse you.
14
00:02:21,218 --> 00:02:23,929
No need, officer. l'm totally pissed.
15
00:02:24,096 --> 00:02:25,889
Come on, Danny. No trouble.
16
00:02:27,682 --> 00:02:30,101
Oh, look, a miniature copper!
17
00:02:32,478 --> 00:02:34,730
You'd better come along with us.
18
00:02:34,897 --> 00:02:37,858
Don't be silly. Come on!
19
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:41,194
You are nicked, sunshine.
20
00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:44,072
BBC news headlines.
21
00:02:44,239 --> 00:02:47,283
This morning, ex England football captain
22
00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:49,494
Danny Meehan was jailed for three years,
23
00:02:49,660 --> 00:02:54,540
despite pleading guilty to assaulting
two police officers and driving drunk.
24
00:02:54,706 --> 00:02:58,919
Meehan's downfall from the pinnacle
of world football has been swift,
25
00:02:59,085 --> 00:03:04,048
since match-fixing accusations ended
the career of one of our finest players.
26
00:03:04,215 --> 00:03:08,135
The judge showed little sympathy
for his pleas of mitigation,
27
00:03:08,302 --> 00:03:10,345
imposing the maximum sentence.
28
00:03:10,512 --> 00:03:13,598
Meehan showed no emotion
as he was led away.
29
00:03:13,765 --> 00:03:18,102
The former star will serve his sentence
at Longmarsh High Security Prison...
30
00:03:19,604 --> 00:03:22,064
...famous for its rehabilitation programme,
31
00:03:22,982 --> 00:03:25,317
reformed characters,
32
00:03:25,484 --> 00:03:27,944
and modern conditions.
33
00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:45,543
Open!
34
00:03:46,711 --> 00:03:48,421
That's it. Get out!
35
00:03:48,588 --> 00:03:50,423
Come on!
36
00:03:51,549 --> 00:03:53,133
- Get away from the van.
- All right.
37
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:59,472
Shut it! This is a category B nick,
not Butlins. Do you understand?
38
00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:03,893
You're nothing in here.
Do you hear me? Nothing. Move out.
39
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:06,270
May the good Lord be with you.
40
00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:11,274
He's a pretty boy.
41
00:04:12,692 --> 00:04:14,569
Coming in.
42
00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:18,114
Straight down the stairs.
43
00:04:18,281 --> 00:04:20,783
Prisoner on the move.
44
00:04:20,950 --> 00:04:24,161
Stay behind the line. Stand there.
45
00:04:24,328 --> 00:04:27,831
- Valuables?
- Prisoner Meehan 041 1 2.
46
00:04:30,166 --> 00:04:31,626
Sign it.
47
00:04:37,172 --> 00:04:39,925
Here's your designer gear
for the next three years. Enjoy.
48
00:04:40,092 --> 00:04:43,845
What are you waiting for?
Come on, move it.
49
00:05:13,872 --> 00:05:17,166
Captained his country,
and he ends up in here?
50
00:05:17,333 --> 00:05:21,462
73 caps for England,
and you sell your country out in a game.
51
00:05:21,629 --> 00:05:24,256
That's un-bloody-English, that is.
52
00:05:36,559 --> 00:05:38,727
Chief.
53
00:06:18,095 --> 00:06:20,556
l'm the chief officer of this prison.
54
00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:25,143
You call me ''Mr Burton, sir''.
55
00:06:26,228 --> 00:06:29,522
You call him Mr Ratchett
and him Mr Hayter.
56
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:33,317
Anybody in this uniform,
you call mister, right?
57
00:06:33,484 --> 00:06:35,444
Right.
58
00:06:36,612 --> 00:06:38,906
Mr Burton, sir.
59
00:06:40,782 --> 00:06:44,327
Sometime tomorrow,
governor wants a word.
60
00:06:45,787 --> 00:06:49,623
He wants you to coach my football team.
61
00:06:51,417 --> 00:06:53,669
Little word of advice.
62
00:06:57,047 --> 00:07:00,550
You're gonna smile nicely and say no.
63
00:07:00,717 --> 00:07:02,802
- Move it!
- All right!
64
00:07:02,969 --> 00:07:09,099
What did you say? That's ''Mr Hayter, sir''
to you. Do you understand?
65
00:07:09,266 --> 00:07:13,019
l think you need a little reminder
of Mr Burton's orders.
66
00:07:17,857 --> 00:07:23,111
You won't coach our football team.
67
00:07:23,612 --> 00:07:25,322
OK?
68
00:07:28,199 --> 00:07:31,828
Stand there where l can see you.
69
00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:36,874
Meehan, stow your kit top right.
70
00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:41,044
All right, lads? New cellmate for you.
l'm sure you recognise him.
71
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:44,964
He used to be a somebody
once upon a time.
72
00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:54,848
Got plenty of time
to get to know your new playmates.
73
00:07:56,683 --> 00:07:59,227
Work assignment. C wing.
74
00:08:03,981 --> 00:08:07,443
Got you an apprentice.
He used to be a sweeper.
75
00:08:07,609 --> 00:08:11,154
- Comedian.
- Enjoy it, Meehan.
76
00:08:12,781 --> 00:08:17,243
- l've got some advice for you.
- Thanks. l'm short on advice today.
77
00:08:17,410 --> 00:08:19,703
This will change your life.
78
00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:23,373
Do you see that?
Be very careful of those.
79
00:08:23,540 --> 00:08:29,462
Some of the boys have a pony in the night,
wrap it and airmail it out the window.
80
00:08:29,629 --> 00:08:31,797
Here, use this.
81
00:08:32,882 --> 00:08:38,011
Glamorous job.
Stick it in the bin and follow me, OK?
82
00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:42,140
Come on!
83
00:08:46,853 --> 00:08:49,271
Do you know who that is?
84
00:08:49,438 --> 00:08:51,565
Meehan! Here.
85
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:54,151
Not the muscle, the other one.
86
00:08:54,317 --> 00:08:59,864
- Christ, he's got old.
- 30 years will do that to you.
87
00:09:00,031 --> 00:09:04,827
Still thinks he's Al Capone.
You'd better go over.
88
00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:15,837
- You know who l am?
- Charlie Sykes.
89
00:09:17,046 --> 00:09:20,924
- l run this nick.
- l've been told.
90
00:09:24,052 --> 00:09:28,848
l lost a great deal of money on an
England/Germany game a few years back,
91
00:09:29,015 --> 00:09:33,853
after one of the Englanders
gave away a very suspect penalty
92
00:09:34,019 --> 00:09:36,563
after 72 minutes of playing time.
93
00:09:41,318 --> 00:09:44,487
So l think that you owe me.
94
00:09:50,868 --> 00:09:54,871
Come on, superstar. Tour's not over.
95
00:09:56,039 --> 00:09:59,500
You know,
it's not gonna be easy for you in here.
96
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:02,712
What's everyone's problem?
97
00:10:02,878 --> 00:10:05,172
You really want to know?
98
00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:09,801
Most of the guys in here have nothing,
never had to start with.
99
00:10:09,968 --> 00:10:14,806
But you, you had everything
they ever dreamed of,
100
00:10:14,972 --> 00:10:17,350
and threw it all away.
101
00:10:23,814 --> 00:10:25,023
Hey!
102
00:10:49,336 --> 00:10:52,172
The superstar! Danny Meehan.
103
00:10:52,339 --> 00:10:55,675
lt's the thingy, the...fuckin' hell...
104
00:10:55,842 --> 00:10:59,220
...the Mean Machine!
l bet you've got a few stories.
105
00:10:59,387 --> 00:11:03,933
All the, you know,
the pussy and all that thing.
106
00:11:04,099 --> 00:11:08,145
- Funnily enough, no.
- Yeah? So what, big shot?
107
00:11:08,311 --> 00:11:12,524
l know all about fame.
l was a face myself. l was the man.
108
00:11:12,690 --> 00:11:16,068
The late '80s, all around the raves,
all that, fucking...voom!
109
00:11:16,235 --> 00:11:18,445
l was the top fucking kiddy.
110
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:20,280
My food?
111
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:23,325
Danny boy.
112
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:28,788
Anything you need,
l'm a one-stop shop, OK?
113
00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:41,382
Anything you want, l can get it for you.
114
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,636
l've just had that from Mr Fix lt,
throwing the beans.
115
00:11:45,803 --> 00:11:50,099
Nitro? Keep away from him, mate.
Gets all in with all the newcomers,
116
00:11:50,265 --> 00:11:53,935
- so that he can hustle them.
- And what's your angle?
117
00:11:54,102 --> 00:11:56,771
lf you want any of life's little luxuries -
118
00:11:56,938 --> 00:12:01,025
chocolate, toothpaste, soft toilet paper -
119
00:12:01,192 --> 00:12:04,987
- Massive is your man.
- Massive?
120
00:12:05,154 --> 00:12:07,906
lt's ironic.
121
00:12:09,699 --> 00:12:12,702
- All right, Raj, you be black.
- No, l'll be white.
122
00:12:12,869 --> 00:12:15,371
Just chill. You've got a black nose.
123
00:12:15,538 --> 00:12:19,708
You saying l'm black? That makes me
the first lranian from Babylon.
124
00:12:21,126 --> 00:12:23,378
The neighbourhood celeb's in town.
125
00:12:23,545 --> 00:12:26,005
- Put the kettle on.
- Would you like any biscuits?
126
00:12:26,172 --> 00:12:28,800
- l never asked to be put in here.
- And we did?
127
00:12:28,966 --> 00:12:32,261
- l don't need this.
- You don't need this?
128
00:12:33,345 --> 00:12:39,434
Let me tell you what we don't need.
We don't need you, another body, in here.
129
00:12:39,601 --> 00:12:44,522
Ain't nothing personal, pal.
lt's just...l don't fuckin' like you.
130
00:12:44,689 --> 00:12:48,817
- Our star looks beat, Trojan.
- Yeah, he needs to chill.
131
00:12:48,984 --> 00:12:52,070
- Yeah, him have a hard day at work.
- Any requests, star?
132
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,474
The legendary Broadhurst Monk.
133
00:13:24,641 --> 00:13:30,104
Shipped in about six months ago,
but they still have him on the special unit.
134
00:13:30,271 --> 00:13:32,022
Why?
135
00:13:32,189 --> 00:13:36,109
Apparently,
he killed 23 men with his bare hands.
136
00:13:37,694 --> 00:13:41,781
- Maybe l should take up karate.
- That was before he took up karate.
137
00:13:42,907 --> 00:13:49,037
They don't mess with him, not even
the screws, not even when he's cuffed up.
138
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:58,337
- ls that the famous footballer?
- Ex-footballer.
139
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,006
He's just a number now.
140
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,092
Chief.
141
00:14:03,258 --> 00:14:05,052
Stand there.
142
00:14:07,053 --> 00:14:09,431
Danny Meehan.
143
00:14:09,597 --> 00:14:11,933
Well, it is a pleasure to meet you.
144
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:15,728
l'm a big football fan. Big.
145
00:14:16,896 --> 00:14:20,274
What do you think of amateur football?
146
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,109
lt's amateur.
147
00:14:24,027 --> 00:14:30,157
Yes. Well, l'm sure we're not a match for
the pro's, but we do have our own team.
148
00:14:30,324 --> 00:14:33,369
Southern Division, semi pro's.
149
00:14:33,535 --> 00:14:37,831
And we have a chance of winning
the division this year, getting promotion.
150
00:14:37,998 --> 00:14:44,337
We have been runners-up before,
but first is first, and second is nowhere.
151
00:14:45,713 --> 00:14:50,842
l want you to train the team,
use your professional experience.
152
00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:56,431
Well, l haven't played football for years,
and...
153
00:14:56,597 --> 00:14:59,684
l'm a little bit
out of condition at the moment.
154
00:15:05,981 --> 00:15:09,317
l pulled a lot of strings
to get you assigned to my prison.
155
00:15:10,693 --> 00:15:12,153
l'm sorry.
156
00:15:14,405 --> 00:15:16,699
l'm just not your man.
157
00:15:19,201 --> 00:15:20,994
We'll stick a pin in it for now.
158
00:15:21,161 --> 00:15:22,454
Out.
159
00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:27,834
- Mr Burton, a quick word, if l may.
- Sir?
160
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,753
l've spent a fortune on this team,
for no return.
161
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:32,629
l am the coach of this team...
162
00:15:32,796 --> 00:15:35,924
With the money l spent
we could have won the World Cup.
163
00:15:36,091 --> 00:15:39,385
You can't put a prisoner
in charge of the guards' team.
164
00:15:39,552 --> 00:15:42,138
Just get it done. Please.
165
00:15:44,307 --> 00:15:48,560
- l wouldn't get too close, miss.
- Why? You're not dangerous, are you?
166
00:15:48,727 --> 00:15:51,605
Only if you've got the ball, miss.
167
00:15:53,106 --> 00:15:58,069
Hey, Danny boy. l can get you anything,
anything that's not on the menu.
168
00:16:00,404 --> 00:16:04,449
- ls that stink you, Meehan?
- Don't you poke me again.
169
00:16:05,867 --> 00:16:08,828
Don't you start growing a spine, footballer.
170
00:16:08,995 --> 00:16:10,288
Bollocks!
171
00:16:17,503 --> 00:16:19,630
Hands behind your neck.
172
00:16:19,796 --> 00:16:23,466
Hands behind your neck.
173
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:30,598
Let go of my neck. Let go of me.
174
00:16:30,764 --> 00:16:32,933
Let go of me.
175
00:16:42,316 --> 00:16:44,527
Pack it in.
176
00:16:47,863 --> 00:16:50,323
lt wasn't me!
177
00:16:52,784 --> 00:16:56,120
lt's not me, you bastards.
178
00:17:07,547 --> 00:17:11,259
Razzle Dazzle.
Three o'clock, Kempton Park.
179
00:17:12,301 --> 00:17:16,972
�5,000, please. To win.
180
00:17:19,725 --> 00:17:22,435
All this lovely fresh air.
181
00:17:22,602 --> 00:17:26,689
Wouldn't you rather be
out there on the pitch, coaching?
182
00:17:26,856 --> 00:17:31,068
l just wanna keep my head down.
Do my 1 2 months and l'm going home.
183
00:17:31,235 --> 00:17:35,072
1 2 months, yes, but that's with parole.
184
00:17:35,238 --> 00:17:37,741
And that's before
you assaulted another inmate
185
00:17:37,907 --> 00:17:40,034
- and attacked my staff.
- Wait a minute...
186
00:17:40,201 --> 00:17:45,206
Three years, that's your sentence.
So you could be with us for some time.
187
00:17:50,043 --> 00:17:52,796
Take him back to solitary.
188
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:14,023
- Have a nice week's holiday?
- Yeah, lovely.
189
00:18:14,190 --> 00:18:16,358
- There is a way out.
- What?
190
00:18:16,525 --> 00:18:20,112
Listen, convince the governor
the best way to train the guards
191
00:18:20,278 --> 00:18:25,950
is to play a tough match against a team
of cons with you as the captain.
192
00:18:26,117 --> 00:18:30,621
Pro's always have a pre-season friendly.
193
00:18:33,290 --> 00:18:35,834
What do you think, Mr Burton?
194
00:18:40,088 --> 00:18:43,132
Could be a win/win for everybody.
195
00:18:43,299 --> 00:18:45,634
Could this work, Meehan?
196
00:18:45,801 --> 00:18:49,805
Yeah, but l need time to prep,
and l pick my own team.
197
00:18:49,971 --> 00:18:56,561
l could get a real FA ref. There's one
at my golf club. That'll be good.
198
00:18:56,727 --> 00:19:01,023
One more thing: what goes on
on the pitch stays on the pitch.
199
00:19:02,232 --> 00:19:06,361
- Deal?
- Goes without saying.
200
00:19:08,279 --> 00:19:10,907
l am a marketing genius.
201
00:19:14,785 --> 00:19:19,331
You'd better get yourself some rest,
superstar. Busy day tomorrow.
202
00:19:19,498 --> 00:19:21,499
We'll see.
203
00:19:22,333 --> 00:19:27,463
- Remember, anything you need.
- l'm fine, thanks.
204
00:19:27,630 --> 00:19:30,507
- Yeah? That's not what l heard.
- What?
205
00:19:30,674 --> 00:19:32,884
l could have been a pro. l was very good.
206
00:19:33,051 --> 00:19:37,347
They were gonna take me on, only l had
a bit of trouble and blah blah blah.
207
00:19:37,514 --> 00:19:39,891
The old knees, l suppose, yeah?
208
00:19:41,892 --> 00:19:44,061
Bomb-making.
209
00:19:45,229 --> 00:19:47,064
Otherwise, you know...
210
00:19:47,231 --> 00:19:50,734
Well, l'm sure
it was a big loss to the game.
211
00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:53,236
l've gotta go, but l'll catch you later.
212
00:19:56,447 --> 00:19:58,824
All right, Nitro?
213
00:19:58,991 --> 00:20:00,409
Dickhead.
214
00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:05,372
Yes, Razzle Dazzle. Came second?
215
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,582
What's the problem, darlin'?
216
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:10,835
- That's not possible.
- lt's very possible, sweets.
217
00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:12,878
That's not possible.
218
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:18,925
l think you owe me five G, darlin'.
Have a nice day.
219
00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:22,095
So, what happened to your marketing?
220
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:25,890
lt's early days yet.
You've got to give it a bit of time, Dan.
221
00:20:26,057 --> 00:20:28,642
Danny, over here, mate.
222
00:20:28,809 --> 00:20:30,519
Here we go.
223
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:36,816
Yes. Now, l can say l've had a kick-about
with Danny the ''Mean Machine''.
224
00:20:36,983 --> 00:20:40,361
Burnin' in me head!
Burnin' in me head!
225
00:20:42,488 --> 00:20:45,491
lt's all right. l'll go and get it.
226
00:20:50,203 --> 00:20:52,455
Found a new bum chum, have we?
227
00:20:52,622 --> 00:20:56,959
Makes you feel big, does he?
He's just using you.
228
00:20:57,126 --> 00:21:01,421
Once he finds his feet in here,
he'll dump you on your fat, black arse.
229
00:21:01,588 --> 00:21:03,757
You jumped up little shit.
230
00:21:03,924 --> 00:21:06,676
Mr Ratchett, sir,
whilst l don't wish to be rude,
231
00:21:06,843 --> 00:21:12,973
l do believe that you watched too many
Tarzan films as an impressionable child.
232
00:21:13,140 --> 00:21:17,185
Don't you get smart with me.
Do you understand?
233
00:21:17,352 --> 00:21:20,146
Now get out of my sights.
234
00:21:33,492 --> 00:21:37,120
- What happened to you?
- Nothing.
235
00:21:39,413 --> 00:21:41,999
Sykes' boys look pretty useful.
236
00:21:43,250 --> 00:21:49,381
Don't even think about it. Who do you think
has been stopping everyone from playing?
237
00:22:03,059 --> 00:22:05,937
l loved your work, man.
238
00:22:06,104 --> 00:22:08,022
Sorry?
239
00:22:08,189 --> 00:22:12,651
l never believed any of the talk.
l can't believe it. Look. Here you are.
240
00:22:14,236 --> 00:22:15,404
Cheers.
241
00:22:18,406 --> 00:22:20,575
That buys you three across, mate.
242
00:22:20,742 --> 00:22:23,870
-Then you can teach me.
-Have a nice one.
243
00:22:24,036 --> 00:22:26,497
Will you teach me, yeah?
244
00:22:26,664 --> 00:22:29,041
Teach you what?
245
00:22:29,208 --> 00:22:34,879
All that, you know.
All them soccer skills. All that.
246
00:22:38,383 --> 00:22:40,259
Sorry, do what?
247
00:22:40,426 --> 00:22:43,387
You know, like the pro's. All that caper.
248
00:22:44,263 --> 00:22:46,139
Yeah?
249
00:22:46,306 --> 00:22:48,391
l gotta go, but we'll stick a pin in it, all right?
250
00:22:48,558 --> 00:22:51,352
Yeah, lovely. We'll stick a pin in it. Lovely.
251
00:22:51,519 --> 00:22:53,521
Fan club.
252
00:22:53,688 --> 00:22:55,898
Bloody stalker.
253
00:22:56,774 --> 00:23:00,110
- What's three across?
- What?
254
00:23:00,277 --> 00:23:03,780
l just saw a bloke pay money
for a strip of crossword.
255
00:23:03,947 --> 00:23:05,949
Ah, Sykes!
256
00:23:06,115 --> 00:23:09,076
Yeah, three across, four letters:
257
00:23:09,243 --> 00:23:11,328
acid.
258
00:23:11,495 --> 00:23:17,501
The governor lets Sykes get his ''Racing
Times'' and other papers special delivery.
259
00:23:17,667 --> 00:23:23,714
He thinks it helps Sykes work out form
and give him tips.
260
00:23:23,881 --> 00:23:27,134
He doesn't know
that they're pre-soaked in acid.
261
00:23:27,301 --> 00:23:30,429
He's actually smuggling
Sykes' drugs in for him.
262
00:23:30,596 --> 00:23:36,142
lt came second, and it cost me �5,000.
263
00:23:36,309 --> 00:23:38,853
You must have made the wrong bet.
264
00:23:40,563 --> 00:23:43,315
W for win.
265
00:23:44,733 --> 00:23:46,777
Win.
266
00:23:48,737 --> 00:23:51,364
lt's got smudged in the rain.
267
00:23:52,699 --> 00:23:54,367
EW.
268
00:23:55,326 --> 00:23:58,412
EW means each way.
269
00:24:03,833 --> 00:24:06,836
lt's a fucking disgrace if you ask me.
270
00:24:08,212 --> 00:24:11,298
Meehan fraternising
with that shower of shit.
271
00:24:11,465 --> 00:24:14,051
What do you want, Tompkinson?
272
00:24:14,218 --> 00:24:15,719
l was thinking. l know.
273
00:24:15,886 --> 00:24:19,514
l know that l can help you,
Mr Ratchett, sir.
274
00:24:19,681 --> 00:24:23,476
- lnformation and all, whatever.
- Help yourself, more like.
275
00:24:23,643 --> 00:24:27,563
l'm sick of this place.
l need to get a transfer.
276
00:24:27,730 --> 00:24:29,940
HMP Silver Sands.
277
00:24:30,107 --> 00:24:34,402
Away from the influence
of all these criminals, sir.
278
00:24:35,612 --> 00:24:38,156
You keep me posted.
279
00:24:47,831 --> 00:24:50,875
Oh, look. A monkey learning new tricks.
280
00:24:51,042 --> 00:24:56,172
- Why don't you leave me alone?
- Because l don't like uppity coons.
281
00:24:56,338 --> 00:24:59,925
- Listen, man...
- No, you listen!
282
00:25:00,092 --> 00:25:04,888
- You animal!
- Animal? You call me a fucking animal?
283
00:25:05,054 --> 00:25:07,473
l'll open you up like a tin of beans.
284
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,643
Hey, stop him! Someone stop him!
285
00:25:12,895 --> 00:25:15,731
You fucking scum!
286
00:25:18,233 --> 00:25:22,528
Are you all right?
He needs a doctor! Just get a doctor!
287
00:25:53,931 --> 00:25:56,433
That fucking Meehan!
288
00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:32,549
Mr Burton. Have you missed me?
289
00:26:32,716 --> 00:26:35,635
You might be the governor's pet project,
but don't push it.
290
00:26:43,475 --> 00:26:49,522
lt's called sunlight, Meehan. Think of it
as a privilege which can be withdrawn.
291
00:26:49,689 --> 00:26:51,732
Danny boy...
292
00:26:52,650 --> 00:26:56,320
Well, come on then, star.
293
00:26:58,447 --> 00:27:02,158
They're saying thanks for saving Massive.
294
00:27:02,325 --> 00:27:06,496
Where's your manners?
What would your old mum say?
295
00:27:06,662 --> 00:27:08,331
Fuck me!
296
00:27:08,497 --> 00:27:10,708
- Wish l'd met her.
- Let's see how good you are.
297
00:27:10,874 --> 00:27:14,252
Sort yourselves out. Skins v shirts.
298
00:27:15,962 --> 00:27:18,715
- What's that?
- l'm your manager.
299
00:27:18,882 --> 00:27:22,093
- Since when?
- Don't bother giving me no orders, yeah?
300
00:27:22,260 --> 00:27:25,387
- Stop bitching, bitch.
- Dan, have a word.
301
00:27:25,554 --> 00:27:29,016
Shut it, Massive.
Lads, want a game?
302
00:27:29,182 --> 00:27:30,976
Fuck off!
303
00:27:31,142 --> 00:27:33,394
Come on. Plenty of room over there.
304
00:27:34,646 --> 00:27:36,147
Up, Troj!
305
00:27:38,899 --> 00:27:40,484
Come on!
306
00:27:45,113 --> 00:27:47,032
Come on!
307
00:27:51,035 --> 00:27:54,788
Yes, yes! Trojan, it's down!
308
00:28:02,504 --> 00:28:06,007
- What do you think?
- Bring your clipboard.
309
00:28:07,591 --> 00:28:08,843
Five.
310
00:28:11,637 --> 00:28:13,347
Three.
311
00:28:16,891 --> 00:28:19,936
A generous one.
312
00:28:21,062 --> 00:28:24,398
Seven. You missed two.
313
00:28:30,111 --> 00:28:34,240
- Ten.
- Eight. My mum could have scored that.
314
00:28:34,407 --> 00:28:36,576
- Still.
- Yeah, l know.
315
00:28:37,410 --> 00:28:39,161
We'll try a fitness test.
316
00:28:39,328 --> 00:28:44,624
One: left hand down. Two: right hand
down. Three: both hands. Four: clap.
317
00:28:44,791 --> 00:28:46,960
Five: up. Run.
318
00:28:47,127 --> 00:28:48,461
Bollocks.
319
00:28:48,628 --> 00:28:51,547
One, two, three...
320
00:28:51,714 --> 00:28:53,841
l wouldn't mind a crack at the guards.
321
00:28:54,008 --> 00:28:59,471
- l'm sorry? l missed that.
- Just saying. Be a laugh.
322
00:29:00,472 --> 00:29:04,892
That's the Scots all over, innit?
On the firm when it suits them,
323
00:29:05,059 --> 00:29:09,855
and the next minute
they're all misty-eyed and independent.
324
00:29:10,022 --> 00:29:13,400
- l was only saying.
- And l'm saying no.
325
00:29:13,567 --> 00:29:17,779
l think we're going to have to work
on the stamina, lads.
326
00:29:23,451 --> 00:29:25,786
l'll pay at the end of the month.
327
00:29:25,953 --> 00:29:28,580
No, sweets. lt's cash on the nail.
328
00:29:28,747 --> 00:29:32,834
- l haven't got it.
- Sell the nice new Saab then, love.
329
00:29:33,001 --> 00:29:37,296
- How do you know about that?
- Pay us or we'll torch the motor.
330
00:29:37,463 --> 00:29:40,758
You can pay us out of the insurance.
There you go. Sorted.
331
00:29:42,092 --> 00:29:45,553
- l was told that you were reasonable.
- Reasonable, sweetheart?
332
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:49,640
Reasonable is how come
you ain't sitting in your own piss
333
00:29:49,807 --> 00:29:54,019
wondering how to get up
with smashed knees and elbows, OK?
334
00:29:54,186 --> 00:29:56,105
Big kiss.
335
00:30:11,201 --> 00:30:13,787
Looking forward to getting a thrashing?
336
00:30:13,954 --> 00:30:17,832
lf it means getting out of here early,
l'll take another beating.
337
00:30:17,999 --> 00:30:21,752
Who said anything about a beating?
l'm talking about the match.
338
00:30:21,919 --> 00:30:24,380
Come on! l've seen your lot in action.
339
00:30:28,216 --> 00:30:32,387
l don't run my ship like that.
Are you making a complaint?
340
00:30:32,554 --> 00:30:33,554
No.
341
00:30:35,681 --> 00:30:37,600
Lock it up!
342
00:30:45,190 --> 00:30:47,275
What's the matter?
343
00:30:47,442 --> 00:30:50,486
Did you have a nice chat
with your chum Burton?
344
00:30:50,653 --> 00:30:52,696
Ain't you got any hobbies?
345
00:30:52,863 --> 00:30:56,116
- You sleep with one eye open, son.
- Whatever.
346
00:31:27,352 --> 00:31:29,771
Hello, Danny boy.
Nitro.
347
00:31:29,938 --> 00:31:33,066
l've been wondering.
You need a manager. You know, the...
348
00:31:33,900 --> 00:31:36,402
...the tactics and all that.
Well, l am the bollocks.
349
00:31:36,569 --> 00:31:38,696
Massive's manager.
350
00:31:38,862 --> 00:31:42,991
Yeah, l know, but l'm better than him
because l had trials, didn't l.
351
00:31:43,158 --> 00:31:46,077
We all had trials. That's why we're here.
352
00:31:46,244 --> 00:31:50,414
Fuck off! Fuck off!
353
00:31:51,499 --> 00:31:55,544
Football trials, yeah?
l could be the physio.
354
00:31:55,711 --> 00:32:00,340
No, no, l could be the pharmacist. Get
the lads pepped up and all that bollocks.
355
00:32:00,507 --> 00:32:03,301
l don't think so, mate.
356
00:32:04,218 --> 00:32:08,847
Good job he likes you.
He blew up five people, he didn't.
357
00:32:09,014 --> 00:32:13,852
They're slags. They won't even
let me in their poxy squad.
358
00:32:14,019 --> 00:32:18,815
l don't give a fuck about their poxy squad,
do you understand me?
359
00:32:18,981 --> 00:32:21,525
lf you want out of this fucking prison,
360
00:32:21,692 --> 00:32:26,154
you gotta come up with something
to spoil their little party. Otherwise...
361
00:32:26,321 --> 00:32:27,906
...you're fucked.
362
00:32:28,073 --> 00:32:29,824
OK, relax.
363
00:32:29,991 --> 00:32:33,786
Be in the atrium
1 1 o'clock tomorrow morning.
364
00:32:33,953 --> 00:32:35,871
- Mr Burton.
- Thank you.
365
00:32:36,038 --> 00:32:38,123
lt's only a paper.
366
00:32:38,290 --> 00:32:42,252
One down, two words, you're nicked.
367
00:32:42,419 --> 00:32:47,840
Do you know the penalty for possession of
illegal substances in a prison? Search him.
368
00:32:51,218 --> 00:32:54,638
- What are you looking at, freak?
- You were grassed up.
369
00:32:56,932 --> 00:33:00,393
That dodgy Meehan
is getting well pally with Mr Burton.
370
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:02,895
l've seen them talking.
371
00:33:20,703 --> 00:33:23,163
- What are you doing?
- No one likes a grass.
372
00:33:23,330 --> 00:33:26,208
- What do you mean?
- The big man's right.
373
00:33:26,375 --> 00:33:28,668
We'll see what we can do
about them beady eyes.
374
00:33:28,835 --> 00:33:32,171
- Chiv, you know it wasn't me!
- You know it's not me!
375
00:33:32,338 --> 00:33:36,675
Which one am l going to burst?
You choose - the left or the right?
376
00:33:36,842 --> 00:33:39,344
- For fuck's sake!
- Go on, pop it!
377
00:33:39,511 --> 00:33:41,847
- Hold him!
- Hurry up, Jock bastard.
378
00:33:42,013 --> 00:33:45,642
- Who are you calling a Jock bastard?
- You!
379
00:33:48,227 --> 00:33:53,273
- l cut myself shaving.
- Nosebleed. lt's the altitude.
380
00:33:56,443 --> 00:33:59,029
You want to get that seen to.
381
00:34:01,572 --> 00:34:06,869
All right, that's a yellow card, gentlemen.
Behave yourselves.
382
00:34:14,542 --> 00:34:17,253
You wanna be more careful with this.
383
00:34:21,090 --> 00:34:23,759
You could have had my eye out.
384
00:34:29,055 --> 00:34:30,848
Hey, big-un, here.
385
00:34:31,015 --> 00:34:33,059
lt's Chiv.
386
00:34:37,688 --> 00:34:40,482
Get him, Tone.
387
00:34:47,447 --> 00:34:49,490
Thanks, by the way.
388
00:34:49,657 --> 00:34:52,701
You saved me a lot of grief back there.
389
00:34:52,868 --> 00:34:56,580
- Sorry about the...
- That's all right.
390
00:34:56,746 --> 00:35:00,667
- Anyway, you need a few more players.
- What about your lot?
391
00:35:00,833 --> 00:35:03,169
l don't think so.
Not against Sykes' word.
392
00:35:03,336 --> 00:35:05,671
Not that some of them
wouldn't be up for it.
393
00:35:05,838 --> 00:35:07,715
What makes you bulletproof?
394
00:35:07,881 --> 00:35:11,134
He's not. But he's pally
with the bloke that Sykes is cagey about.
395
00:35:11,301 --> 00:35:15,305
- Who?
- The Monk. That dude is beyond mental.
396
00:35:15,471 --> 00:35:20,059
And so are his pals on the outside.
Sykes, he wants a smooth flow.
397
00:35:20,226 --> 00:35:25,272
All he really cares about is profit.
398
00:35:27,274 --> 00:35:32,320
- What money?
- You're a betting man. We'll make a deal.
399
00:35:33,571 --> 00:35:39,660
Let your lads play. Win or lose,
you call the result. Bet accordingly.
400
00:35:43,288 --> 00:35:46,916
Back to your fixing
the match routine, right?
401
00:35:47,083 --> 00:35:50,794
Now, listen. lt's like this -
402
00:35:50,961 --> 00:35:56,550
l'd never take a bet against England, and l
wouldn't bet the screws against the cons.
403
00:35:56,716 --> 00:35:58,343
Capisce?
404
00:35:59,886 --> 00:36:02,430
Then we can play to win.
405
00:36:03,556 --> 00:36:07,351
- Would you think about it?
- Yes, l'll think about it.
406
00:36:07,518 --> 00:36:11,688
But right now l'm thinking
you're polluting my air.
407
00:36:12,856 --> 00:36:14,482
Now go away.
408
00:36:14,649 --> 00:36:17,568
- How did it go?
- lt didn't.
409
00:36:17,735 --> 00:36:21,196
Here, Dan. Dan, um...
410
00:36:22,656 --> 00:36:25,325
- l've been thinking.
- Leave the thinking to me.
411
00:36:25,492 --> 00:36:27,952
Yeah, yeah, of course, Dan, yeah.
412
00:36:30,246 --> 00:36:33,666
Well, what it is, Dan...
413
00:36:37,002 --> 00:36:38,545
What, what...
414
00:36:39,838 --> 00:36:41,756
l was wondering if...
415
00:36:41,923 --> 00:36:44,926
Wondering what, Billy?
416
00:36:48,137 --> 00:36:50,514
Can l be in the team?
417
00:36:55,727 --> 00:36:59,522
The squad, Billy. You can be in the squad.
418
00:37:02,233 --> 00:37:05,986
- l won't let you down, Dan.
- All right.
419
00:37:09,156 --> 00:37:15,828
Yes! The squad, yes!
Come on, well in, Bill. Well done!
420
00:37:15,995 --> 00:37:20,165
Yeah, squad, squad! Well in!
421
00:37:21,250 --> 00:37:23,961
You told me they were reasonable.
422
00:37:24,127 --> 00:37:27,005
They are, but they're businessmen.
423
00:37:27,172 --> 00:37:29,924
You got me into this,
and you can get me out.
424
00:37:30,091 --> 00:37:33,552
Hey! l opened the door,
you walked through it.
425
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:37,848
You've been making money ever since.
So, why haven't you got it?
426
00:37:38,015 --> 00:37:44,395
lt is just a temporary cash flow problem.
The team is bleeding me dry.
427
00:37:45,396 --> 00:37:48,482
Well, get it sorted.
Because this lot have a bad habit
428
00:37:48,649 --> 00:37:52,027
of turning cash flow problems
into blood flow problems.
429
00:37:53,278 --> 00:37:57,407
l used to do double this just for a warm-up.
430
00:37:57,574 --> 00:38:00,076
Anno Domini, mate.
431
00:38:00,243 --> 00:38:05,956
l used to be able to piss in one go and then
forget about it for the rest of the morning.
432
00:38:06,123 --> 00:38:08,083
Bloody hell.
433
00:38:08,667 --> 00:38:12,587
You never did say how come it ain't
done your nut in, being in so long.
434
00:38:12,754 --> 00:38:15,882
Only does your nut in
if you don't think you should be here.
435
00:38:16,048 --> 00:38:18,759
Look at me. Sweet old geezer?
436
00:38:18,926 --> 00:38:22,930
A bit bumbly,
full of jail-block wisdom,
437
00:38:23,096 --> 00:38:28,226
cornerstone of the nick,
put in with the foundations, right?
438
00:38:28,393 --> 00:38:30,436
Right.
439
00:38:30,603 --> 00:38:35,274
l didn't get to be the oldest lag
for breaking windows.
440
00:38:35,441 --> 00:38:38,944
Villains spend their lives
shitting themselves
441
00:38:39,111 --> 00:38:41,863
that other criminals
are going to see to them.
442
00:38:42,030 --> 00:38:46,826
So they get their retaliation in first
and twice as nasty.
443
00:38:49,078 --> 00:38:53,332
A bloke was coming after me,
so l...
444
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:58,795
l went around to his digs
and lobbed a grenade in the window.
445
00:38:58,962 --> 00:39:02,423
Left over after the war,
you know, army surplus.
446
00:39:03,841 --> 00:39:09,971
l didn't know, but he had his little nipper
and his bird in there with him.
447
00:39:10,138 --> 00:39:13,850
The house went up
like Guy Fawkes' Night.
448
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,603
No one came out.
449
00:39:17,770 --> 00:39:24,359
He'd barricaded the door with furniture
in case l came around.
450
00:39:24,526 --> 00:39:27,779
By the time they got in,
the screaming had stopped.
451
00:39:30,907 --> 00:39:36,662
1 3 months old,
learning to walk, apparently.
452
00:39:39,956 --> 00:39:45,419
Nothing l can do
is ever going to make up for that, is it?
453
00:40:03,727 --> 00:40:06,522
- You're on.
- What's that, a joke?
454
00:40:06,688 --> 00:40:12,777
l'm not famous for my sense of humour.
l know Nitro is the grass, not you.
455
00:40:12,944 --> 00:40:18,782
- One thing: you fight one of my boys.
- Fight?
456
00:40:18,949 --> 00:40:24,996
A little earner l stage now and then.
l can't be seen to be giving you a free ride.
457
00:40:25,163 --> 00:40:28,583
- Fight who?
- Fight him.
458
00:40:28,750 --> 00:40:32,920
- Soft as puppy shit, Nick is.
- l'm an ex-footballer, not a boxer.
459
00:40:33,087 --> 00:40:35,255
So? Kick him.
460
00:40:37,591 --> 00:40:40,802
An eye for an eye, you bastard.
461
00:40:44,889 --> 00:40:47,892
- Fucking eye for a fucking...
- Boo!
462
00:40:49,018 --> 00:40:53,146
- Don't you do that again.
- Calm down, silly bollocks.
463
00:40:53,313 --> 00:40:56,608
You seem to be making
more enemies by the minute.
464
00:40:56,774 --> 00:41:02,363
Yeah? Well, l want out of this shit house!
465
00:41:02,530 --> 00:41:05,407
Please! Please!
466
00:41:06,742 --> 00:41:10,745
You're half way home, son.
l'm taking you down to segregation now.
467
00:41:10,912 --> 00:41:13,247
- That's why l'm here.
- Yeah?
468
00:41:13,414 --> 00:41:18,627
- Yeah.
- Just give me a transfer, sir, please.
469
00:41:18,794 --> 00:41:23,840
Please, please. Silverino Sands, yeah?
470
00:41:24,007 --> 00:41:26,634
l will do anything, Mr Ratchett.
471
00:41:27,969 --> 00:41:30,638
l will do anything, Mr Ratchett.
472
00:41:32,515 --> 00:41:35,601
You owe me for this. Out, now!
473
00:41:44,817 --> 00:41:47,611
We have a small change of plan.
474
00:41:47,778 --> 00:41:52,824
Nick has come over all poorly.
So l had to bring in a substitute.
475
00:41:54,993 --> 00:41:57,412
Walk away, Danny. Walk away.
476
00:41:57,578 --> 00:42:02,374
Mass, this is the only way
we're gonna get these boys to play.
477
00:42:03,876 --> 00:42:06,295
ln the dirty brown corner,
478
00:42:06,461 --> 00:42:12,133
with a record of 35 and 0
all coming by the way of the big KO.
479
00:42:12,300 --> 00:42:17,012
The heavy duty
champion of the penal world
480
00:42:17,179 --> 00:42:22,350
Ketch, the Black Country Bastard.
481
00:42:24,853 --> 00:42:27,689
Come on. Come on.
482
00:42:29,148 --> 00:42:32,776
And in the other,
equally dirty brown corner,
483
00:42:32,943 --> 00:42:36,947
we have the challenger,
formerly known as the ''Mean Machine'' -
484
00:42:37,114 --> 00:42:43,035
Danny ''l've had more backhanders
than Boris bleeding Becker'' Meehan!
485
00:42:43,202 --> 00:42:45,621
Yeah!
486
00:42:48,999 --> 00:42:53,169
Gentlemen, it's alternate punches,
487
00:42:53,336 --> 00:42:58,883
followed by one mug
of five-star prison cognac. Cheers.
488
00:43:01,051 --> 00:43:06,181
No using your left hand, no butting,
biting, spitting, poking or kissing, you.
489
00:43:06,348 --> 00:43:10,643
lt's show time!
490
00:43:13,855 --> 00:43:18,025
First head to hit the table loses.
491
00:43:18,192 --> 00:43:21,153
First punch to the challenger.
492
00:43:27,950 --> 00:43:30,911
ls he trying to kiss me or what?
493
00:43:36,917 --> 00:43:38,918
Yeah!
494
00:43:44,340 --> 00:43:47,635
Come on, Danny, wake up!
495
00:43:53,139 --> 00:43:54,808
He fucking...
496
00:44:05,609 --> 00:44:07,235
Focus, Danny.
497
00:44:13,741 --> 00:44:16,744
By the way, l'm in here for GBH.
498
00:44:22,958 --> 00:44:25,376
And again, come on!
499
00:44:30,798 --> 00:44:34,593
Keep your head up.
500
00:45:08,289 --> 00:45:11,209
l'm in here for drunken assault.
501
00:45:11,376 --> 00:45:12,585
Yeah!
502
00:45:20,425 --> 00:45:23,678
First, l'd like to welcome Mr Sykes' boys.
503
00:45:23,845 --> 00:45:27,014
Watch this.
504
00:45:32,478 --> 00:45:33,770
Go on.
505
00:45:33,937 --> 00:45:36,731
Hey!
506
00:45:40,401 --> 00:45:45,156
OK, if you wanna do that, join a circus.
lt's no good to us.
507
00:45:45,322 --> 00:45:47,825
We need 1 1 men
to play as a team. Right?
508
00:45:47,991 --> 00:45:50,327
- Right!
- Yes!
509
00:45:50,494 --> 00:45:53,496
That's lovely, Dan. Well in. Right!
510
00:45:54,998 --> 00:45:57,416
OK, positions. l play centre midfield.
511
00:45:57,583 --> 00:46:02,212
Let's have all midfield players behind me,
defenders to me left, strikers to me right.
512
00:46:02,379 --> 00:46:05,924
Come on, lads, come on.
513
00:46:10,845 --> 00:46:13,806
Terrific. Let's move on.
514
00:46:19,644 --> 00:46:22,105
That's good. Now pass it.
515
00:46:23,648 --> 00:46:25,775
Pass it, Trojan.
516
00:46:27,193 --> 00:46:29,361
Pass it!
517
00:46:29,528 --> 00:46:33,448
Trojan, it's a team game.
Pass to our team.
518
00:46:34,324 --> 00:46:36,034
He's too greedy.
519
00:46:36,534 --> 00:46:39,912
OK, fellas. Now, the key
to set pieces is concentration,
520
00:46:40,079 --> 00:46:42,248
calculation, teamwork.
521
00:46:44,458 --> 00:46:48,003
With corners it's about movement,
522
00:46:48,170 --> 00:46:50,422
drawing defenders out of position.
523
00:46:50,589 --> 00:46:54,759
When it comes to defending,
it's about tackling,
524
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:57,637
finesse,
525
00:46:58,346 --> 00:47:00,139
calculation.
526
00:47:02,558 --> 00:47:07,312
Remember these simple rules, and we're
in with a chance. Any questions?
527
00:47:09,772 --> 00:47:12,900
Lovely story.
528
00:47:13,067 --> 00:47:14,360
Yeah.
529
00:47:15,944 --> 00:47:20,699
We still need a goalkeeper.
Somebody to boss the defence about.
530
00:47:20,866 --> 00:47:25,119
There's one man l know who could
boss our def... No, no. Fuck that.
531
00:47:25,286 --> 00:47:28,164
- That's not even worth thinking about.
- Who?
532
00:47:28,330 --> 00:47:31,875
- No, no, you'll laugh your head off.
- Who?
533
00:47:32,042 --> 00:47:35,003
- The Monk.
- Monk? Can he play?
534
00:47:35,170 --> 00:47:38,298
They say he could have turned pro,
before he turned mad.
535
00:47:38,464 --> 00:47:41,509
- How mad is he?
- He's the Jock that even the Jocks fear.
536
00:47:41,676 --> 00:47:44,845
- What did he do?
- Something very dark up in Glasgow.
537
00:47:45,012 --> 00:47:47,389
l heard he ate Hannibal the Cannibal.
538
00:47:47,556 --> 00:47:50,642
Not even the Pope
could get him out of the special wing.
539
00:47:50,809 --> 00:47:53,603
The Monk is in the high security wing.
540
00:47:53,770 --> 00:47:58,399
So do me a favour. Maybe l can
help you with Barry the Bookie.
541
00:47:58,566 --> 00:48:00,401
l'm listening.
542
00:48:00,567 --> 00:48:03,070
Bet the game, your guards to win.
543
00:48:03,236 --> 00:48:05,322
Price is right, we'll make a killing.
544
00:48:05,488 --> 00:48:09,575
You pay off Barry,
and have some left.
545
00:48:10,493 --> 00:48:13,537
Take the missus to Malaga.
546
00:48:15,706 --> 00:48:20,919
- This is so illegal.
- l think criminal's the word.
547
00:48:22,170 --> 00:48:25,381
All right, big man? Sound.
548
00:48:25,548 --> 00:48:30,260
Danny Meehan,
he's all right, know what l mean?
549
00:48:30,427 --> 00:48:32,512
He's got a wee favour to ask you.
550
00:48:32,679 --> 00:48:37,100
- Hello, Mr Monk. Can you play football?
- Aye.
551
00:48:37,267 --> 00:48:41,687
Good. Would you like to play with us?
552
00:48:41,854 --> 00:48:43,314
Nah.
553
00:48:46,775 --> 00:48:49,486
We're playing the guards.
554
00:48:56,158 --> 00:49:00,329
- Aye. Then l'm with you.
- Sound.
555
00:49:00,496 --> 00:49:02,539
Thanks a lot, Mr Monk.
556
00:49:03,540 --> 00:49:06,167
OK, let's try it. Troj, you take the corner.
557
00:49:06,334 --> 00:49:08,419
lt's my ball. Mouse's ball, Troj.
558
00:49:10,004 --> 00:49:13,340
Come on, Troj. Yeah, yeah.
To me, Troj.
559
00:49:13,507 --> 00:49:17,469
lt's Mouse's ball. My ball. Yeah.
560
00:49:22,432 --> 00:49:26,352
- He's broke my bloody nose.
- Let me have a look.
561
00:49:28,979 --> 00:49:30,981
What?
562
00:49:31,148 --> 00:49:33,859
- He did that on purpose.
- No, he didn't.
563
00:49:34,025 --> 00:49:36,945
- Yes, he did.
- Tell him...
564
00:49:38,363 --> 00:49:40,698
Tell him it was an accident.
565
00:49:43,242 --> 00:49:44,827
Right, it was an accident.
566
00:49:44,993 --> 00:49:50,206
- Now, get yourself off over the back there.
- He said it was an accident.
567
00:49:53,918 --> 00:49:58,255
You're not worried about the opposition,
are you, Mr Burton?
568
00:49:58,422 --> 00:50:02,968
A team of life's losers led by a man
who can be bought and sold?
569
00:50:03,135 --> 00:50:07,805
l don't think so.
Not when the game's about character.
570
00:50:07,972 --> 00:50:10,558
We'll give you a match.
571
00:50:10,725 --> 00:50:14,561
You'll give us a game.
Doubt whether you can match us.
572
00:50:16,021 --> 00:50:17,481
We'll see.
573
00:50:27,698 --> 00:50:32,077
One, two, three...
Look up, pass it. Look up again.
574
00:50:32,244 --> 00:50:36,414
Well done! Let the ball do the work.
As the ball's coming to you, look up.
575
00:50:36,581 --> 00:50:38,624
Start again. Spread out.
576
00:50:40,293 --> 00:50:42,044
Up, down...
577
00:50:45,089 --> 00:50:46,882
Up, down...
578
00:50:48,425 --> 00:50:50,135
Come on.
579
00:50:58,475 --> 00:51:00,727
One, two, three, four...
580
00:51:00,894 --> 00:51:05,106
And left, and right.
And left, and right...
581
00:51:05,273 --> 00:51:09,402
Hurry it up there.
l told you two to keep the centre tight.
582
00:51:09,569 --> 00:51:12,947
l've always told you
to wear tie-ups on your socks.
583
00:51:13,113 --> 00:51:17,117
Now you, get over there and mark up.
And you, bugger off.
584
00:51:30,629 --> 00:51:35,050
Now listen, Daniel,
l'm not putting you under pressure, right.
585
00:51:35,216 --> 00:51:39,804
l'm burning up phone cards, taking bets
from prisons up and down the country.
586
00:51:39,971 --> 00:51:41,722
Oh, no.
587
00:51:41,889 --> 00:51:46,768
Despite what the governor thinks,
l'm betting us to win.
588
00:51:46,935 --> 00:51:49,354
So my arse is on the line.
589
00:51:49,521 --> 00:51:52,357
And by my arse, l mean your arse.
590
00:51:54,150 --> 00:51:56,235
- OK, l need a volunteer.
- Yeah.
591
00:51:56,402 --> 00:51:58,612
- Dan.
- Yeah, all right, Bill.
592
00:51:58,779 --> 00:52:01,073
Help Monk and Chiv
with their demonstration.
593
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:03,158
- Lovely.
- Cheers.
594
00:52:03,325 --> 00:52:06,828
Aye, right. So, we are the cons.
595
00:52:06,995 --> 00:52:09,455
And they are screws.
596
00:52:09,622 --> 00:52:14,084
So if anybody's gonna play dirty,
it's gonna be they fuckers.
597
00:52:14,251 --> 00:52:18,463
Here's one or two wee examples,
just to keep us a step ahead.
598
00:52:18,630 --> 00:52:22,633
Numero uno:
the accidental treading on the toe.
599
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:25,469
lt's an obvious one, but it works.
600
00:52:28,055 --> 00:52:29,515
Ah, fuck!
601
00:52:32,767 --> 00:52:33,893
Numero...
602
00:52:35,437 --> 00:52:37,313
...two.
603
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:40,941
Right, daftie, run towards The Monk.
604
00:52:42,568 --> 00:52:46,321
- What now?
- On you go, half pace?
605
00:52:50,700 --> 00:52:52,910
The cunningly titled ''elbow in the face''.
606
00:52:53,077 --> 00:52:55,705
Very effective, but you tend to get sent off.
607
00:52:55,871 --> 00:52:58,624
So if you use it,
make sure the ref's not looking.
608
00:52:58,791 --> 00:53:02,043
- Number four.
- Wait. What happened to number three?
609
00:53:06,547 --> 00:53:09,759
Number four: when you're helping him up,
610
00:53:09,925 --> 00:53:13,804
grab the hairs under his armpits
and twist them round.
611
00:53:13,971 --> 00:53:17,099
- Hurts like a bastard, doesn't it?
- Yeah.
612
00:53:17,265 --> 00:53:20,018
- Number five.
- Wait, l'm gonna sit down.
613
00:53:20,185 --> 00:53:23,354
l don't wanna hog it.
Let one of these lot have a go.
614
00:53:23,521 --> 00:53:27,024
You're all right. You're the man.
You're hard. Get in there.
615
00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:33,530
Yeah, as it happens, yeah.
No, go on, yeah.
616
00:53:52,839 --> 00:53:57,343
And finally, the "pi�ce de r�sistance,"
number 23.
617
00:53:57,509 --> 00:54:01,721
l can't. Monk, stop, l'm in a bad way, mate.
618
00:54:04,682 --> 00:54:06,517
Monk, l can't breathe.
619
00:54:06,684 --> 00:54:08,269
Ah, fuck!
620
00:54:10,104 --> 00:54:11,647
The guillotine.
621
00:54:11,814 --> 00:54:13,941
Come on, let's move on.
622
00:54:15,067 --> 00:54:18,320
Get yourself up.
You're making the place look untidy.
623
00:54:18,486 --> 00:54:20,697
- Was that all right though?
- Cream.
624
00:54:20,863 --> 00:54:21,864
Well done.
625
00:54:22,031 --> 00:54:25,159
Finish with a bit of shooting practice.
Troj, you lay them off.
626
00:54:25,326 --> 00:54:27,619
Massive, marks out of ten.
627
00:54:31,164 --> 00:54:34,042
You've done well with that lot.
628
00:54:34,209 --> 00:54:36,502
Passes the time, Doc.
629
00:54:36,669 --> 00:54:41,382
You know,
it's not a crime to admit enjoying it.
630
00:54:42,466 --> 00:54:45,177
You're becoming a sentimental old fart.
631
00:54:48,555 --> 00:54:51,140
That bloody Meehan.
Who does he think he is?
632
00:54:51,307 --> 00:54:55,728
Don't you worry about Meehan.
l've got something sorted for him.
633
00:54:56,937 --> 00:55:00,857
Mr Popular. Time to meet your friends.
634
00:55:01,900 --> 00:55:04,027
You can't put me back on the wing.
635
00:55:04,194 --> 00:55:08,489
- You scratch my back, l'll scratch yours.
- Sykes will fucking kill me.
636
00:55:08,656 --> 00:55:10,908
You know the itch l want scratching.
637
00:55:11,075 --> 00:55:13,577
l don't want Meehan on that pitch,
understand?
638
00:55:13,744 --> 00:55:17,664
OK. l know what needs to be done.
639
00:55:17,831 --> 00:55:19,958
Nice and easy.
640
00:55:21,250 --> 00:55:24,045
Right down the middle.
641
00:55:24,587 --> 00:55:27,965
And a one, and a two.
642
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:31,801
And a three.
643
00:55:32,385 --> 00:55:36,180
Good shot. Good shot.
644
00:55:38,557 --> 00:55:42,186
Where have you been? The governor's
been waiting. l'll take him in.
645
00:55:42,352 --> 00:55:43,937
OK, miss.
646
00:55:44,104 --> 00:55:47,565
l've thought of a way l can really help you.
647
00:55:47,732 --> 00:55:52,361
- The sad old twat videos all their games.
- Really?
648
00:55:52,528 --> 00:55:57,324
And l've written some pointers.
My own little dossier on the guards.
649
00:55:57,491 --> 00:56:02,495
l'm sure you'll find it very interesting.
Now hurry up, we haven't got much time.
650
00:56:02,662 --> 00:56:05,039
Quicker.
651
00:56:09,752 --> 00:56:13,463
One thing. This is strictly sex.
l ain't gonna respect you after.
652
00:56:13,630 --> 00:56:16,800
- Don't blame you.
- Girls like to brag down the pub as well.
653
00:56:16,967 --> 00:56:18,426
l've heard.
654
00:56:22,013 --> 00:56:24,807
What? Easy.
655
00:56:24,974 --> 00:56:29,102
- Change her oil, did you?
- Gentlemen should never kiss and tell.
656
00:56:30,604 --> 00:56:33,231
- l'd better go home.
- Massive?
657
00:56:33,398 --> 00:56:36,984
lnside information on the opposition.
Read it carefully. lt's important.
658
00:56:43,323 --> 00:56:47,494
All right, Danny.
There's a meeting in Mr Sykes' cell.
659
00:57:03,258 --> 00:57:06,677
All right, lads.
A bit of wind-up material on the opposition.
660
00:57:06,844 --> 00:57:08,804
Ketch, this one's for you.
661
00:57:08,971 --> 00:57:11,849
You know how Ratchett's
going on about his dodgy knee?
662
00:57:12,015 --> 00:57:13,475
lt's the right one.
663
00:57:19,605 --> 00:57:21,482
This one is dynamite.
664
00:57:21,649 --> 00:57:25,944
Marsden's daughter, Donna, has been
known to dabble in class A drugs.
665
00:57:26,111 --> 00:57:28,488
Let him know about it at the right time.
666
00:57:28,655 --> 00:57:32,534
Here we go, Danny boy.
667
00:57:34,994 --> 00:57:37,413
And now for our secret weapon.
668
00:57:37,580 --> 00:57:40,666
- Danny, tape.
- Oh, shit, l forgot it.
669
00:57:40,833 --> 00:57:45,045
- l left it in my locker.
- l'll get it. Need a slash anyway.
670
00:57:45,212 --> 00:57:47,881
Cheers, Doc. Sorry, boss.
671
00:57:48,047 --> 00:57:52,009
That's right, get the old boy working.
672
00:58:05,730 --> 00:58:08,524
Danny, why did you do it?
673
00:58:10,567 --> 00:58:12,611
Throw that game.
674
00:58:13,945 --> 00:58:16,573
Fuck me, Jerome, you do talk too much.
675
00:58:17,866 --> 00:58:21,827
- Sorry.
- No, you're all right.
676
00:58:23,329 --> 00:58:27,374
lt's funny,
but when you're in that football world,
677
00:58:27,541 --> 00:58:30,085
you just don't realise
what it means to people.
678
00:58:30,252 --> 00:58:35,047
You only find out how disappointed
they are, when you let them down.
679
00:58:35,214 --> 00:58:40,219
l was 16 when l signed pro forms.
Thought l was the business.
680
00:58:41,512 --> 00:58:44,264
Didn't take long
for standards to start slipping.
681
00:58:44,431 --> 00:58:49,143
Cars, booze, bad tips for slow horses...
682
00:58:49,310 --> 00:58:55,190
You think you can handle it,
then bang, very soon it's handling you.
683
00:58:55,357 --> 00:59:00,278
Before l was picking up trophies,
l was 425 grand down...
684
00:59:01,529 --> 00:59:06,701
...to men nasty enough... Well, even they
would have put the wind up Mr Sykes.
685
00:59:07,827 --> 00:59:10,079
But they did give me two choices.
686
00:59:11,371 --> 00:59:16,501
A wheelchair for life, or a deliberate
penalty against the Germans.
687
00:59:18,294 --> 00:59:21,172
lt's not as if l've prospered.
688
00:59:21,339 --> 00:59:23,757
Look where l've ended up.
689
00:59:26,885 --> 00:59:30,597
But l'll tell you something -
l didn't start off out as a youngster,
690
00:59:30,764 --> 00:59:33,099
looking to sell my country out.
691
00:59:34,517 --> 00:59:36,977
None of us planned
to be here, mate.
692
00:59:37,144 --> 00:59:40,773
Och, away tae fuck, man.
You were a hero in Scotland.
693
00:59:56,828 --> 01:00:00,457
Sign it, and l'll ship you straight out of here.
694
01:00:01,332 --> 01:00:02,834
OK.
695
01:00:03,001 --> 01:00:08,047
Even down here you ain't safe from Sykes.
He's put a price on you, sunshine.
696
01:00:08,214 --> 01:00:12,259
- Killing Doc, that was a big mistake.
- Fuck him.
697
01:00:12,426 --> 01:00:18,222
Where am l off to, boys? HMP Silver
Sands, where all the toffs go? Whatever.
698
01:00:19,974 --> 01:00:21,934
- Not exactly, no.
- No?
699
01:00:22,101 --> 01:00:26,438
No. You're catching the ghost train
out of here to the funny farm.
700
01:00:26,605 --> 01:00:28,273
To the funny farm.
701
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:31,234
Her Majesty's Prison - Broadhurst.
702
01:00:33,152 --> 01:00:35,404
What? l'm gonna get you! Yeah!
703
01:00:35,571 --> 01:00:38,073
l'm gonna find your house.
l'm gonna blow it up.
704
01:00:38,240 --> 01:00:41,785
No, you won't. By the time
the orderlies have finished with you,
705
01:00:41,952 --> 01:00:44,371
you won't be able to blow your nose!
706
01:00:48,249 --> 01:00:51,002
Go on, get in there.
707
01:00:55,881 --> 01:00:57,716
l'm gonna get you!
708
01:01:18,109 --> 01:01:20,611
l reckon you're quits now, old man.
709
01:02:19,956 --> 01:02:22,291
Mean Machine, Mean Machine...
710
01:02:36,554 --> 01:02:42,100
No, don't you worry about the car.
l'd have my bloody house on this one.
711
01:02:42,267 --> 01:02:43,977
Done deal, darlin'.
712
01:02:44,144 --> 01:02:45,436
Yes.
713
01:02:47,188 --> 01:02:48,564
Wanker.
714
01:02:49,148 --> 01:02:53,902
OK, gentlemen.
You've got 90 minutes to show them
715
01:02:54,069 --> 01:02:58,865
that when it comes to physical
and mental strength, they can't touch us.
716
01:02:59,032 --> 01:03:04,954
Most of them are gonna want to
mix it up out there. Don't get involved.
717
01:03:06,330 --> 01:03:09,458
All right, lads. You wanna be nothing,
718
01:03:09,625 --> 01:03:14,546
numbers, prisoners, that's fine.
719
01:03:14,712 --> 01:03:18,382
But you win today, you'll have
something you remember forever.
720
01:03:18,549 --> 01:03:20,843
Talk about it over and over
721
01:03:21,010 --> 01:03:25,972
because there are cons that are pig sick
at not being here in your shoes.
722
01:03:26,139 --> 01:03:29,434
Just to have one crack
at those bastards next door.
723
01:03:29,601 --> 01:03:34,355
Let's win, and let's win well.
724
01:03:35,898 --> 01:03:39,860
Lose and they'll never let you forget it.
725
01:03:40,027 --> 01:03:44,948
Run your guts out, and you'll have
something in here they can never touch.
726
01:03:45,114 --> 01:03:51,036
No parole boards,
judges or nutcase governors.
727
01:03:52,746 --> 01:03:56,249
They've got one good player,
but he's had his moment.
728
01:03:56,416 --> 01:03:58,209
And this is a team game.
729
01:03:58,376 --> 01:04:01,212
Now ask yourselves one question...
730
01:04:03,756 --> 01:04:05,883
- Are you ready?
- Yes.
731
01:04:06,050 --> 01:04:07,926
- Are we?
- Yes.
732
01:04:08,093 --> 01:04:10,470
- Well, come on!
- Yeah!
733
01:04:10,637 --> 01:04:14,849
l'm looking at each and every one
of you lads to get out there
734
01:04:15,016 --> 01:04:19,645
and show them who's boss. Come on!
735
01:04:21,188 --> 01:04:23,774
Hold up for Mr Sykes.
736
01:04:26,526 --> 01:04:33,115
Doc was a different generation,
and he saved all his life.
737
01:04:33,282 --> 01:04:37,119
But before he died,
he had me sort out these.
738
01:04:41,623 --> 01:04:44,417
Come and get them, lads!
739
01:04:44,584 --> 01:04:47,962
Good afternoon, l'm Bob Likely.
You join us live from the recreation field.
740
01:04:48,129 --> 01:04:51,006
l'm Bob Carter, and thanks
again to our esteemed governor...
741
01:04:51,173 --> 01:04:53,592
- Wanker.
- ...for providing the splendid facilities
742
01:04:53,759 --> 01:04:56,720
that are here today as part
of his rehabilitation campaign.
743
01:04:56,887 --> 01:04:59,973
And for our audience, cooped up inside,
here's a weather report.
744
01:05:00,139 --> 01:05:01,682
lt's a beautiful day.
745
01:05:01,849 --> 01:05:05,728
And what a day it is!
And the waiting's over.
746
01:05:05,895 --> 01:05:08,564
The guards are out first,
fronted by Mr Burton.
747
01:05:16,946 --> 01:05:19,115
And here comes the Mean Machine,
748
01:05:19,281 --> 01:05:23,285
led out by our most famous son,
Danny Meehan.
749
01:05:23,452 --> 01:05:26,955
- Don't worry. The boys are well up for it.
- l'm not worried.
750
01:05:28,039 --> 01:05:31,125
- Where did they get that kit?
- Cheeky bastards.
751
01:05:36,338 --> 01:05:39,299
Mean Machine! Mean Machine!
752
01:05:49,350 --> 01:05:50,851
Skip.
753
01:05:54,062 --> 01:05:56,147
- Your call.
- Heads.
754
01:05:58,525 --> 01:06:01,319
- As we are, then.
- OK.
755
01:06:05,489 --> 01:06:07,533
This is the one.
Take your chances.
756
01:06:07,699 --> 01:06:09,868
Don't start anything.
lf they do, finish it. OK?
757
01:06:10,035 --> 01:06:12,787
- Yes!
- Come on, lads!
758
01:06:15,581 --> 01:06:19,710
- Let's wipe the floor with this shite.
- Simple ball every time.
759
01:06:23,714 --> 01:06:28,384
Boy, Mr Sykes, you look the part.
All you need now is a...
760
01:06:30,803 --> 01:06:33,347
lt's the one we've all been waiting for.
761
01:06:33,514 --> 01:06:36,725
Longmarsh prison guards
versus Longmarsh prison cons.
762
01:06:36,892 --> 01:06:39,269
lt's the cons to kick off, Bob.
763
01:06:49,528 --> 01:06:51,780
lt's a free kick to the cons.
764
01:06:56,701 --> 01:06:58,953
Ketch has just floored Mr Ratchett.
765
01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:00,413
What's the matter?
766
01:07:00,580 --> 01:07:01,998
Shut up, you pussy!
767
01:07:02,164 --> 01:07:04,625
You fucking bastard!
768
01:07:04,792 --> 01:07:07,294
Well done, Ketch. Just be subtle.
769
01:07:07,461 --> 01:07:09,588
Which one's he then?
770
01:07:12,132 --> 01:07:14,342
Come on, take him out, son!
771
01:07:14,509 --> 01:07:17,219
And Trojan evades Marsden brilliantly.
772
01:07:17,386 --> 01:07:20,222
lf only he could have done that
the night he got nicked.
773
01:07:21,306 --> 01:07:23,392
The keeper plays it long.
774
01:07:23,558 --> 01:07:25,727
Walker brings it down to the halfway line.
775
01:07:25,894 --> 01:07:27,937
lt's a misplaced pass to Jerome McFife,
776
01:07:28,104 --> 01:07:30,523
but the ever observant Mr Burton
kicks it back to the guards.
777
01:07:30,690 --> 01:07:33,150
lt's a neat one-two. Walker to Burton.
778
01:07:33,317 --> 01:07:37,321
Back to Walker. He shoots.
Just past the post!
779
01:07:37,487 --> 01:07:38,780
Almost.
780
01:07:38,947 --> 01:07:40,949
That was a bit too close for comfort.
781
01:07:41,116 --> 01:07:43,326
Too fucking close for my liking.
782
01:07:43,493 --> 01:07:45,119
Get up there!
783
01:07:45,286 --> 01:07:48,122
Monk plays it out to Meehan.
Meehan has the ball in the centre.
784
01:07:48,289 --> 01:07:49,748
Goes forward unchallenged.
785
01:07:49,915 --> 01:07:52,501
Burton takes Meehan's legs away.
Meehan does not look happy.
786
01:07:54,294 --> 01:07:56,212
Now that's it, Burton!
787
01:07:58,423 --> 01:08:01,259
What's the matter with the rest of you?
788
01:08:01,425 --> 01:08:05,304
You four stand there. Split on my run.
l wanna try something.
789
01:08:05,471 --> 01:08:10,267
Meehan to take it.
Looks like he might chip this one.
790
01:08:16,564 --> 01:08:18,649
Right in Ratchett's crown jewels.
791
01:08:18,816 --> 01:08:22,444
lt'll take more than magic sponge
to take the sting out of that.
792
01:08:22,611 --> 01:08:25,155
Fuck...me!
793
01:08:25,322 --> 01:08:27,532
Ref, that was bloody deliberate!
794
01:08:27,699 --> 01:08:31,327
Free kick. Handball.
Protect yourself at all times.
795
01:08:32,078 --> 01:08:35,289
Ten yards! Ten!
796
01:08:35,456 --> 01:08:37,874
Come away!
797
01:08:52,429 --> 01:08:56,266
Right in his carrots and onions.
798
01:08:56,433 --> 01:08:57,976
No nookie for Mr Ratchett.
799
01:08:58,142 --> 01:09:00,186
No nookie for Mrs Ratchett neither.
800
01:09:00,353 --> 01:09:02,313
Play on!
801
01:09:02,480 --> 01:09:04,648
Just goes to show,
lightning can strike twice.
802
01:09:04,815 --> 01:09:06,066
Abso-fucking-lutely.
803
01:09:06,233 --> 01:09:09,444
23 minutes of the first half to go,
and it's getting heated out there.
804
01:09:09,611 --> 01:09:12,197
Yeah, Bob. Very rock'n'roll.
805
01:09:25,208 --> 01:09:26,626
Fuckin' hell!
806
01:09:26,793 --> 01:09:30,421
- He's gotta get back in goal.
- l ain't telling him.
807
01:09:38,970 --> 01:09:42,265
- Piss off, you Scotch bastard!
- How's your daughter, by the way?
808
01:09:42,432 --> 01:09:46,727
Donna. Still hanging about
on street corners to feed the habit?
809
01:09:48,437 --> 01:09:50,689
What's up with you?
810
01:10:07,079 --> 01:10:08,788
Christ's sake!
811
01:10:18,088 --> 01:10:20,382
That's it, fellas, good teamwork.
812
01:10:24,302 --> 01:10:27,930
- That was a hard but a fair tackle.
- Yeah, it was a fair challenge.
813
01:10:28,097 --> 01:10:30,349
But that wasn't.
814
01:10:30,516 --> 01:10:33,477
This could be dangerous for the cons.
815
01:10:33,644 --> 01:10:35,270
lt's a free kick.
816
01:10:35,437 --> 01:10:37,064
Don't think l didn't see it.
817
01:10:37,230 --> 01:10:40,942
Ketch has took a strop. And the guards
look determined to convert this.
818
01:10:41,109 --> 01:10:42,819
Make it count!
819
01:11:11,219 --> 01:11:13,388
The Monk's collected it cleanly.
820
01:11:13,554 --> 01:11:17,850
The Monk - calm and calculated.
Looks like the therapy's paying off.
821
01:11:18,017 --> 01:11:22,020
Once again, Monk's played it
to Trojan, who's again switched to the left.
822
01:11:22,187 --> 01:11:24,314
He must be ambidextrous.
823
01:11:24,481 --> 01:11:27,650
l don't know, but he can use both feet.
824
01:11:44,749 --> 01:11:46,959
- Goal!
- Yeah!
825
01:11:50,754 --> 01:11:53,089
Goal!
826
01:11:57,844 --> 01:11:59,637
Yeah!
827
01:12:02,848 --> 01:12:06,351
- Beauty! You beauty!
- Go on, my son.
828
01:12:12,940 --> 01:12:15,401
We're all over them.
829
01:12:15,568 --> 01:12:19,071
- One-nil to the Mean Machine.
- lt's the guards to kick off.
830
01:12:19,238 --> 01:12:21,573
- lt's getting tough.
- You can say that again.
831
01:12:21,740 --> 01:12:25,910
- lt's getting tough out there, Bob.
- Never mind, Bob.
832
01:12:33,250 --> 01:12:36,086
Oh no, it looks like the Monk's at it again.
833
01:12:36,253 --> 01:12:38,213
Pass it!
834
01:12:51,600 --> 01:12:55,895
- Do that again and l'll rip your head off.
- Ref, did you hear that?
835
01:12:56,562 --> 01:12:59,690
l'm not worried. He said it to you, not me.
836
01:12:59,857 --> 01:13:01,442
Let's go, sonny.
837
01:13:02,776 --> 01:13:06,655
- What's he doing?
- You're the skipper, you tell him.
838
01:13:06,822 --> 01:13:08,323
Bollocks.
839
01:13:11,034 --> 01:13:12,618
Hold on.
840
01:13:12,785 --> 01:13:13,953
Fucker!
841
01:13:14,120 --> 01:13:16,705
lt's kicked off. Let's just try and keep calm.
842
01:13:16,872 --> 01:13:21,334
- Referee!
- Go on, get in there. Go on, chin him!
843
01:13:21,501 --> 01:13:23,003
This isn't a football match!
844
01:13:23,169 --> 01:13:25,380
- Do him!
- Go on, do him!
845
01:13:25,547 --> 01:13:27,590
- This is bollocks!
- Do him!
846
01:13:27,757 --> 01:13:29,383
Who are you hitting?
847
01:13:29,550 --> 01:13:34,346
This is bollocks!
What's going on here?
848
01:13:35,722 --> 01:13:38,183
- You want some? Come on.
- Any day.
849
01:13:38,350 --> 01:13:40,185
Where are you, referee?
850
01:13:42,353 --> 01:13:45,731
- Excuse me. Sorry.
- Calm down, everybody! Come on!
851
01:13:45,898 --> 01:13:49,860
- Ref, how long?
- Bollocks, that'll do.
852
01:13:52,529 --> 01:13:54,447
Half-time, come on.
853
01:13:55,990 --> 01:14:00,995
One-nil to the Mean Machine, one-nil...
854
01:14:03,163 --> 01:14:08,460
What the hell do you think you're doing?
You're supposed to throw this game.
855
01:14:08,626 --> 01:14:11,838
Yeah, they don't seem
to be taking notice of me.
856
01:14:12,004 --> 01:14:14,256
Youthful exuberance.
857
01:14:15,091 --> 01:14:16,550
Shame.
858
01:14:17,593 --> 01:14:19,761
lt would have worked out nice.
859
01:14:19,928 --> 01:14:22,430
What do you think
Danny will say in the dressing room?
860
01:14:22,597 --> 01:14:26,476
l think he'll be saying
there's only 45 minutes left to play.
861
01:14:26,642 --> 01:14:27,852
Yeah.
862
01:14:33,273 --> 01:14:38,403
Settle down, boys. Have a listen.
We ain't won nothing yet.
863
01:14:38,570 --> 01:14:42,406
All we've got is one goal.
Now this half is when we're gonna earn it.
864
01:14:42,573 --> 01:14:47,202
Midfield, tuck in,
get round behind the ball. Monk?
865
01:14:47,369 --> 01:14:51,498
Good work, Monk, just don't leave us
exposed at the back, all right?
866
01:14:52,290 --> 01:14:56,044
- Mouse?
- lt's my nose.
867
01:14:56,210 --> 01:14:59,713
- Bill, you come on for Mouse.
- Where am l playing?
868
01:14:59,880 --> 01:15:03,342
You take his place in midfield.
Frenchie, have a look at his nose.
869
01:15:03,509 --> 01:15:07,220
OK, we've botched it, but we're
one-nil down. Mr Hayter, when the...
870
01:15:07,387 --> 01:15:09,597
You think about it!
871
01:15:11,140 --> 01:15:16,103
We're getting beaten
by a bunch of worthless criminals.
872
01:15:16,270 --> 01:15:20,315
- l'm doing my half-time talk, sir.
- Sit down.
873
01:15:20,482 --> 01:15:22,942
Have you forgotten who they are?
874
01:15:23,109 --> 01:15:27,405
They're the dregs of society,
and they're in the next dressing room.
875
01:15:27,572 --> 01:15:30,366
And they're laughing at you right now.
876
01:15:31,367 --> 01:15:33,827
Just remember this:
877
01:15:33,994 --> 01:15:38,790
every man here is playing for his job.
878
01:15:40,083 --> 01:15:42,627
lncluding you.
879
01:15:47,172 --> 01:15:51,551
- You wanted to see me?
- Yes.
880
01:15:51,718 --> 01:15:54,554
- What's going on?
- You wanted a game.
881
01:15:54,721 --> 01:15:57,682
Yes, but you never
said anything about winning.
882
01:15:57,848 --> 01:16:01,143
You never said nothing about losing either.
883
01:16:01,310 --> 01:16:04,396
Before leaving us,
Nitro wrote a confession.
884
01:16:04,563 --> 01:16:07,065
He admitted killing Doc.
885
01:16:07,232 --> 01:16:11,611
He said you knew about it,
and you sent Doc to your cell.
886
01:16:11,777 --> 01:16:16,031
Now that's accessory to murder,
887
01:16:16,198 --> 01:16:18,575
and that's 20 years.
888
01:16:20,243 --> 01:16:22,287
You'll never get that to stick.
889
01:16:22,454 --> 01:16:25,498
One whiff of this will kill you
with the parole board.
890
01:16:25,665 --> 01:16:28,334
You could be with us for some time.
891
01:16:28,501 --> 01:16:33,005
So l think it's in everyone's interest
892
01:16:33,171 --> 01:16:35,340
if you lose this game.
893
01:16:37,258 --> 01:16:40,136
- l can't do that.
- You've done it before.
894
01:17:03,031 --> 01:17:05,909
You had everything they ever dreamed of,
895
01:17:06,076 --> 01:17:08,953
and you threw it all away.
896
01:17:37,437 --> 01:17:40,481
Meehan has given it away again.
897
01:17:41,857 --> 01:17:44,485
For fuck's sake, Danny, l was open.
898
01:17:44,652 --> 01:17:46,445
l didn't see you.
899
01:17:51,991 --> 01:17:54,160
Looks like he's in a world of his own.
900
01:17:54,327 --> 01:17:56,537
Wake up, Meehan.
901
01:17:58,706 --> 01:18:00,541
The ball's played out to the left.
902
01:18:00,708 --> 01:18:04,377
Hibert picks it up
and moves forward to the 1 8-yard box.
903
01:18:04,544 --> 01:18:06,212
The defender cuts inside.
904
01:18:06,379 --> 01:18:09,257
He plays it to Hayter,
who knocks it through for Downes.
905
01:18:09,424 --> 01:18:11,509
Oh no,
he's been brought down in the area.
906
01:18:11,676 --> 01:18:13,677
Could be a penalty.
907
01:18:13,844 --> 01:18:17,139
The ref's waved play on.
What goes through Monk's head?
908
01:18:17,306 --> 01:18:21,184
- Scary thought.
- l'd hate to think what he dreams about.
909
01:18:51,336 --> 01:18:53,504
lt's getting naughty out there.
910
01:18:53,671 --> 01:18:55,339
Positively brutal.
911
01:18:55,506 --> 01:18:58,092
Are they fighting or doing the tango?
912
01:18:58,259 --> 01:19:01,053
No, they're definitely fighting, Bob.
913
01:19:20,111 --> 01:19:23,906
Billy's chasing the ball like a terrier.
914
01:19:25,032 --> 01:19:28,327
Shame he hasn't got
the skill to match his enthusiasm.
915
01:19:28,494 --> 01:19:32,331
- Shame he's fucking useless, Bob.
- Abso-fucking-lutely, Bob.
916
01:19:42,256 --> 01:19:43,841
Ratchett's taken out Cigs.
917
01:19:44,008 --> 01:19:46,593
Looks like the guards
aren't taking any prisoners. You get it?
918
01:19:46,760 --> 01:19:49,679
Whatever, Bob.
919
01:19:56,602 --> 01:19:59,229
You, fuckin' watch it.
920
01:19:59,396 --> 01:20:02,107
No, you fuckin' watch it,
you fat bastard lndian!
921
01:20:06,486 --> 01:20:09,280
That's going a bit too far, innit?
922
01:20:11,032 --> 01:20:14,535
- He took a dive!
- Number 7, violent conduct. Off the park.
923
01:20:14,701 --> 01:20:16,953
lt was a dive, look!
924
01:20:17,120 --> 01:20:19,456
- Come on. Do one, now.
- Fuck off!
925
01:20:19,623 --> 01:20:22,792
The cons are down to ten men.
926
01:20:22,959 --> 01:20:25,127
lt's an early bath for Raj,
927
01:20:25,294 --> 01:20:28,088
which is really gonna put
pressure on the Mean Machine.
928
01:20:28,255 --> 01:20:31,925
lt's disappointing.
lt's not gonna be easy out there.
929
01:20:32,092 --> 01:20:37,388
That's right. And they're taking full
advantage of the extra man on the pitch.
930
01:20:37,555 --> 01:20:39,807
Walker's through ball to Mr Gayle,
931
01:20:39,974 --> 01:20:43,852
who plays it, and Hayter, and Monk...
Superb save, way down to his left.
932
01:20:44,019 --> 01:20:45,437
All right!
933
01:20:45,604 --> 01:20:48,273
29 minutes, still one-nil,
and the cons are holding out.
934
01:20:48,440 --> 01:20:51,234
And the Monk's going
on another walk-about.
935
01:20:51,401 --> 01:20:54,445
But this time
he plays it safe to Trojan out wide.
936
01:21:02,661 --> 01:21:05,121
- All Troj has to do is look up.
- And pass it.
937
01:21:05,288 --> 01:21:07,999
- Pass it.
- Pass it.
938
01:21:08,166 --> 01:21:10,418
- Pass it.
- Pass it.
939
01:21:10,584 --> 01:21:12,836
Pass the fucking ball!
940
01:21:26,098 --> 01:21:28,142
Yes!
941
01:21:28,309 --> 01:21:30,894
Goal!
942
01:21:31,061 --> 01:21:34,314
Two-nil for the cons, ten men down,
943
01:21:34,481 --> 01:21:40,152
their liberty taken away from them,
locked in a cell for 23 hours a day.
944
01:21:40,319 --> 01:21:43,155
and today, our boys had their day.
945
01:21:46,033 --> 01:21:48,994
What's up with you?
946
01:21:50,245 --> 01:21:52,830
For the last hour of my life,
947
01:21:52,997 --> 01:21:54,707
l have been free!
948
01:21:54,874 --> 01:21:57,543
Mean Machine! Mean Machine!
949
01:21:57,710 --> 01:22:01,254
Mean Machine! Mean Machine!
950
01:22:01,421 --> 01:22:03,423
Yes!
951
01:22:05,216 --> 01:22:08,261
lt's the guards to kick off.
952
01:22:09,011 --> 01:22:13,599
Mr Williams lays it back for Mr Hibert,
who whips a beautiful ball into the box.
953
01:22:13,766 --> 01:22:16,393
Monk's got it covered. Safe as houses.
954
01:22:16,560 --> 01:22:20,688
- You've gotta love the Monk.
- Gotta love the Monk.
955
01:22:40,498 --> 01:22:42,958
What's Monk doing?
He's left an empty net!
956
01:22:43,709 --> 01:22:45,836
He's lost the fuckin' ball!
957
01:22:46,002 --> 01:22:48,421
He's lost the fuckin' plot.
958
01:22:54,343 --> 01:22:57,346
Guards' goal. Two-one.
959
01:22:57,513 --> 01:22:59,598
Yes!
960
01:23:02,392 --> 01:23:05,562
Hey! Stop fucking about back here!
961
01:23:05,728 --> 01:23:08,147
Get the ball up the park!
962
01:23:09,357 --> 01:23:11,817
All right. My fault.
963
01:23:14,111 --> 01:23:16,613
lt's no longer just a game out there.
964
01:23:16,780 --> 01:23:19,074
There's a match on now.
965
01:23:21,451 --> 01:23:24,036
- Have a word, Dan.
- Fuck off, Trojan.
966
01:23:25,579 --> 01:23:28,248
- Come on, let's go.
- Come on, boys.
967
01:23:31,376 --> 01:23:33,420
The cons kick off.
968
01:23:33,586 --> 01:23:38,424
But what is he doing?
He's given it straight away.
969
01:23:38,591 --> 01:23:41,719
He's hit the bar.
970
01:23:41,885 --> 01:23:46,598
You see, there's no cohesion,
there's no character.
971
01:23:47,974 --> 01:23:50,018
The Mean Machine need their star player
972
01:23:50,184 --> 01:23:52,395
to pick up his game now.
973
01:23:52,562 --> 01:23:57,232
- What is Meehan doing anyway?
- lt's like he's not even on the pitch.
974
01:24:00,318 --> 01:24:03,530
What's up with you?
l never touched you.
975
01:24:03,696 --> 01:24:06,616
Looks like Danny's injured.
976
01:24:06,783 --> 01:24:10,452
You're cheating now.
Once a loser, always a loser.
977
01:24:10,619 --> 01:24:13,830
- Dan, where did you get hit?
- Down there.
978
01:24:13,997 --> 01:24:16,374
Doesn't look too clever, boys.
979
01:24:16,541 --> 01:24:19,210
- l can't see anything.
- Let's get him up.
980
01:24:19,377 --> 01:24:23,005
Come on.
Don't put no weight on it, Dan.
981
01:24:23,172 --> 01:24:26,258
Meehan's leaving the pitch.
Let's hope they bring a sub on.
982
01:24:26,425 --> 01:24:30,303
- lt's 1 1 against 9 out there.
- All right, got it.
983
01:24:30,470 --> 01:24:32,722
- Get it fixed.
- OK, we got it.
984
01:24:32,889 --> 01:24:35,016
Shove up and shut up.
985
01:24:36,476 --> 01:24:39,437
The guards are moving the ball nicely.
986
01:24:39,603 --> 01:24:41,230
Neat passing.
987
01:24:41,397 --> 01:24:44,608
But the cons
are determined not to give up.
988
01:24:47,235 --> 01:24:50,446
There's nothing wrong with that leg,
is there?
989
01:24:54,158 --> 01:24:58,328
- Why don't people just let me play?
- Didn't think you'd sell us out.
990
01:24:58,495 --> 01:25:03,249
Not after the big ''it's your time'' speech.
991
01:25:08,754 --> 01:25:13,175
- ls there something l should know?
- He's fucked something up.
992
01:25:15,343 --> 01:25:17,595
Could be a strain.
993
01:25:26,812 --> 01:25:30,524
lt's getting tough.
The guards are putting the pressure on.
994
01:25:30,690 --> 01:25:34,444
Fuckin' hell, Massive, help us out.
We've only got nine men on!
995
01:25:34,611 --> 01:25:37,446
Get a sub on.
996
01:25:41,075 --> 01:25:43,160
Walker to Marsden.
997
01:25:48,915 --> 01:25:51,375
Downs, wide to Hibert.
998
01:25:51,542 --> 01:25:53,753
Hibert clips it forward.
999
01:25:55,462 --> 01:25:57,047
Walker brings it down.
1000
01:25:57,214 --> 01:25:59,049
The cons are swamped at the back.
1001
01:25:59,216 --> 01:26:01,885
Ratchett's free in the area.
1002
01:26:02,052 --> 01:26:04,095
Oh, no!
1003
01:26:04,262 --> 01:26:06,514
Yes! Yes!
1004
01:26:06,681 --> 01:26:11,769
- Two-fucking-two.
- Good one! Good one!
1005
01:26:13,020 --> 01:26:15,981
Thanks, Danny Meehan.
1006
01:26:19,275 --> 01:26:20,735
Two-two.
1007
01:26:20,902 --> 01:26:23,404
Right, now a third. Get up there!
1008
01:26:23,571 --> 01:26:26,532
Ref. Sub.
1009
01:26:35,832 --> 01:26:40,002
- Mass, look...
- lt's your life.
1010
01:26:43,672 --> 01:26:45,882
Ratchett's brought down Billy the Limpet.
1011
01:26:46,049 --> 01:26:48,134
And that's like kicking a puppy dog.
1012
01:26:54,390 --> 01:26:56,892
Give me my boot.
1013
01:26:59,269 --> 01:27:02,397
Yes! Ref! Ref!
1014
01:27:03,356 --> 01:27:05,399
l'm coming back on.
1015
01:27:05,566 --> 01:27:07,526
- Sit down.
- Forget it, Meehan.
1016
01:27:07,693 --> 01:27:09,278
Who's coming on?
1017
01:27:09,445 --> 01:27:10,446
- Me.
- Him.
1018
01:27:10,612 --> 01:27:13,907
- l am.
- You're playing like crap and you know it.
1019
01:27:14,074 --> 01:27:16,534
- Who's in charge here?
- On you go.
1020
01:27:16,701 --> 01:27:19,662
- l'm in charge. Danny's coming on.
- Hold it!
1021
01:27:19,829 --> 01:27:21,998
- Listen, l'm the owner.
- You?
1022
01:27:22,164 --> 01:27:23,624
- Yes.
- The owner?
1023
01:27:23,791 --> 01:27:27,377
- Yes.
- Behave. Manager's decision. You, on.
1024
01:27:31,381 --> 01:27:33,633
The great Meehan returns to the pitch.
1025
01:27:33,800 --> 01:27:39,305
Yeah, that's all we need. lf he carries on
playing like he did before he went off,
1026
01:27:39,471 --> 01:27:42,933
we may as well all go home now, Bob.
1027
01:27:52,566 --> 01:27:55,110
Ketch knocks it out wide to Trojan.
1028
01:27:55,277 --> 01:27:59,114
lt's amazing. The guards still find it hard
to deal with this man.
1029
01:27:59,281 --> 01:28:01,616
l'm with you here if you want.
1030
01:28:01,783 --> 01:28:05,077
Shoot! Shoot! Pass it, l'm on! Pass it here!
1031
01:28:05,244 --> 01:28:08,372
Trojan plays it into the centre.
1032
01:28:08,539 --> 01:28:10,707
l'm free there!
1033
01:28:10,874 --> 01:28:14,169
- Well, l didn't see you, did l?
- Really?
1034
01:28:16,838 --> 01:28:18,965
Chiv, pass it!
1035
01:28:19,757 --> 01:28:22,385
Chiv, pass it!
1036
01:28:35,855 --> 01:28:39,191
Oh, God. That was a meeting of minds.
Not a pretty sight.
1037
01:28:39,358 --> 01:28:41,777
Meehan's trying to redeem himself.
1038
01:28:41,944 --> 01:28:45,113
Yeah, but he's gonna have to do
a lot of work to manage that.
1039
01:28:45,280 --> 01:28:47,699
Meehan is now everywhere.
1040
01:28:47,865 --> 01:28:51,243
He is bobbing and weaving, Bob.
1041
01:28:52,286 --> 01:28:55,289
No way was that offside.
1042
01:29:10,636 --> 01:29:12,929
That's the way it's done, pal.
1043
01:29:13,096 --> 01:29:16,266
The ball's pushed high
into the guards' half. Cigs pulls it down.
1044
01:29:16,433 --> 01:29:18,726
Shoots. What a goal!
1045
01:29:18,893 --> 01:29:21,729
- The Mean Machine are in front again.
- There's a flag.
1046
01:29:21,896 --> 01:29:26,066
- God bless the Mean Machine.
- Keep your shirt on.
1047
01:29:26,233 --> 01:29:29,903
- Wait a minute...
- There's something going on.
1048
01:29:30,070 --> 01:29:33,364
- They're still celebrating.
- lt's been disallowed.
1049
01:29:33,531 --> 01:29:36,617
The ref has gone to the linesman.
1050
01:29:36,784 --> 01:29:38,744
There's confusion on the pitch.
1051
01:29:38,911 --> 01:29:41,622
- There certainly is.
- They're conferring.
1052
01:29:41,788 --> 01:29:46,459
Surely not! Now, if this stands,
it's a free kick to the guards,
1053
01:29:46,626 --> 01:29:50,504
- 35 yards out from the goal.
- Get up, you bloody tart.
1054
01:29:50,671 --> 01:29:53,590
OK, let's get him off.
1055
01:29:53,757 --> 01:29:57,219
lt's in a goal scoring position
if l've ever seen one.
1056
01:29:57,386 --> 01:29:59,638
We're in the dying seconds
of the game. lt's two-two.
1057
01:29:59,804 --> 01:30:02,515
Lee, get changed. You're on, mate. Ref!
1058
01:30:02,682 --> 01:30:04,934
Mr Ratchett, are you all right, sir?
1059
01:30:05,810 --> 01:30:09,354
Obviously not.
All right, take him away.
1060
01:30:09,521 --> 01:30:15,193
- Are you gonna do nothing about that?
- lt's a free kick, now take it.
1061
01:30:15,360 --> 01:30:18,780
- How long?
- Just moving into injury time.
1062
01:30:18,946 --> 01:30:21,991
This is it. lf he scores now, it's all over.
1063
01:30:22,158 --> 01:30:23,992
All right, stick it in.
1064
01:30:24,159 --> 01:30:27,537
Prison warder Mr Gayle, will take it.
1065
01:30:28,246 --> 01:30:32,125
He curls it.
lt's heading to the top right-hand corner.
1066
01:30:36,170 --> 01:30:37,796
No!
1067
01:32:04,665 --> 01:32:06,041
Yeah!
1068
01:32:19,053 --> 01:32:21,555
Guards of Pentonville,
guards of Wandsworth...
1069
01:32:21,722 --> 01:32:24,641
- ...Walton nick in Liverpool...
- ...policemen of Britain...
1070
01:32:24,808 --> 01:32:27,894
traffic wardens and parole officers,
wheel clampers,
1071
01:32:28,061 --> 01:32:32,940
your boys have taken a hell
of a beating today. A hell of a beating.
1072
01:33:27,947 --> 01:33:29,657
Mean Machine!
1073
01:33:31,409 --> 01:33:33,661
Mean Machine, Mean Machine...
1074
01:33:34,495 --> 01:33:38,373
Mean Machine, Mean Machine...
1075
01:33:58,349 --> 01:34:01,644
Burnin' me head out!
Burnin' me head out!
1076
01:34:01,811 --> 01:34:03,938
All down, Danny, all down there.
1077
01:34:04,105 --> 01:34:07,274
- You're all right, Dan.
- Take that.
1078
01:34:07,441 --> 01:34:10,235
- l told you l wouldn't let you down.
- Well done!
1079
01:34:14,614 --> 01:34:18,826
Ruin my life,
l'm gonna fucking ruin your life.
1080
01:34:19,743 --> 01:34:23,455
No. You're not stitching anyone up.
Not on my watch.
1081
01:34:24,706 --> 01:34:28,168
What are you gonna do about it?
Your job, your pension...
1082
01:34:28,334 --> 01:34:30,044
My arse.
1083
01:34:31,963 --> 01:34:33,673
Good game.
1084
01:34:37,009 --> 01:34:39,886
Jesus, what was that?
1085
01:34:42,138 --> 01:34:44,307
Looks like your Saab.
1086
01:34:44,474 --> 01:34:49,103
And what he said goes for me and all,
and Barry the Bookie too.
1087
01:34:51,772 --> 01:34:53,440
Nice one, Danny!
1088
01:34:59,028 --> 01:35:02,573
l want him in solitary,
1089
01:35:02,740 --> 01:35:07,578
and l'm the governor,
and that's an order. OK?
1090
01:35:07,744 --> 01:35:10,038
Shut up!
1091
01:35:14,000 --> 01:35:17,003
Stick that in your trophy cabinet.