1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,042 Murder by Death (1976) - 23.976 fps Warning Traslators: Many word games (jokes) 2 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,591 Do you think they'll come sir? 3 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,677 Oh, they'll come. They'll come all right. 4 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:24,681 Here, stamp those and mail them. 5 00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,888 It's ringing. 6 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,473 Dear, would you walk Miron the other way? 7 00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:10,477 My leg tends to look like a tree in this fog. 8 00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,774 What a god-forsaken spot to get lost! 9 00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:19,778 It's true, I saw a much better spot a few miles back. 10 00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:35,169 Hello? Hello... hello! 11 00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:39,882 Good. Tell them we're lost. 12 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,097 Nobody answered. The phone went dead! 13 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,682 Then why did you say hello? 14 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,892 That's funny. I could have sworn... 15 00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:51,059 What, Dicky? 16 00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:53,478 It sounded as if somebody snipped the wire! 17 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:56,982 Really? What did it sound like? 18 00:05:56,982 --> 00:06:00,986 "Snip!" 19 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,200 Some fog! Aye, Pop? 20 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:10,162 I've already heard the weather report. Drive, please. 21 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:14,374 Boy it's as thick as pea soup! Not a soul around for miles. 22 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:17,878 Know what I think, Pop? Perfect place for a murder! 23 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:21,882 Conversation like television set on honeymoon: ... 24 00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:26,470 ...Unnecessary. 25 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,171 And where are were going anyway, Pop? 26 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,882 And who is this Mr. Twain who invited you for the weekend? 27 00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,884 And what did he mean by "Dinner and a murder"? 28 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:08,971 Questions like Athlete's Foot. 29 00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,681 After a while... 30 00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:14,685 ...very irritating. 31 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,395 To stop car please! 32 00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:17,187 What's wrong? 33 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:21,191 Stop car, please! 34 00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:25,779 To shut engine off, please. 35 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,282 Listen... 36 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,492 I don't hear nothing! What do you hear? 37 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:32,661 Double negative, and dog. 38 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,663 So it's a dog. So what? 39 00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:38,667 If I'm not mistaken, dog belong to Mr. Dick Charleston. 40 00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:40,085 Mr. Charleston? 41 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:43,964 I am, thank you. I say, you don't happen to have seen a little white... 42 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,465 Wang! 43 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,675 A white Wang? 44 00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:50,387 Good heavens! Sidney Wang! What are you doing in this god-forsaken spot? 45 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,389 No doubt same as you. 46 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:55,392 Looking for bridge that lead to home of host, 47 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,186 Mr. Lionel Twain. 48 00:07:57,186 --> 00:08:01,190 You too, eh? Must be important to invite two such eminent detectives. 49 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:05,360 Excuse, please, to introduce Japanese son, Willie. 50 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:06,695 Hi. 51 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:07,988 Japanese? But I thought surely you... 52 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,574 Mrs Wang and I could never have children. 53 00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:13,285 Willie adopted number 3 son. 54 00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:15,996 My pleasure. Be careful on this road. It's treacherous. 55 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:19,791 Treacherous road like fresh mushroom. Must always... 56 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:23,795 Idiot! Not finish mushroom story! You're idiot! 57 00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:34,681 Well I'm sorry Monsieur Perrier, but I can see nothing! 58 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,892 This fog is as thick as bouillabaisse. 59 00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:37,768 Nuts! 60 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:38,560 Beg your pardon? 61 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,062 Nuts! Nuts! 62 00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:42,272 There are no nuts in my chocolate! 63 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:46,276 And that stupid imbecile in the shop gave you raisins when I asked you to get me nuts. 64 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:49,696 He didn't have any nuts! 65 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,073 The man in the shop? 66 00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,200 That's the reason I took the raisins! 67 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:57,162 Oh, never mind. We'll soon be there for dinner. 68 00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:59,581 - Hot soup... - Still, monsieur... 69 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:01,667 Something is not right in all of this, eh? 70 00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:05,170 I can feel it in my buns! 71 00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,171 In your what? 72 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,382 In my buns. 73 00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:11,093 Buns? You have buns? 74 00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:13,387 You bought buns and you didn't get me? 75 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,888 Where are they? Where are the buns? 76 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,891 Oh, no monsieur, the bones in my body! 77 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:21,895 You should not speak with an accent when you know I'm so hungry. 78 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,575 If you ask me, Sam, this is a wild goose chase. 79 00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:35,784 Nobody asked you, baby. 80 00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:38,370 Yes they did! You asked me. 81 00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:39,997 You asked me back there if I thought... 82 00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:41,665 That was then. This is now. 83 00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:44,084 And nobody knows what tomorrow will be. 84 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,588 That's the way things are whether we like it or not. 85 00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:50,674 Jesus, Sam, I worry about you sometimes. I really do! 86 00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,092 All right, cut the maloke! 87 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,386 This trip is strictly business with me. 88 00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,263 Now wadda you got on this Twain guy? 89 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,974 He was born in San Francisco in 1906. His mother was 90 00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:02,060 a Roman Catholic, his father was an Orthodox Jew. 91 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,396 They were separated 2 hours after the marriage. 92 00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:05,689 Any children? 93 00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:08,567 Yeah, 1 daughter, 32. Her name's Irene, 94 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:11,987 - but she calls herself Rita. - Just like a dame! 95 00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:14,198 Don't stop, angel, you're doing fine. 96 00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:16,366 He was arrested in 1932 in Chicago for selling 97 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,493 pornographic bibles. 98 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:20,078 The D.A. couldn't make the charge stick when 99 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,789 the church refused to turn over the bibles. 100 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,083 There's nothing on him until '46... 101 00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,877 ...when he was picked up in El Paso, Texas, 102 00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:29,379 for trying to smuggle a truckload of... 103 00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,173 ...rich white Americans across the border 104 00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:33,884 into Mexico to pick melons. 105 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,677 He was sent to the Dallas State Hospital 106 00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,596 for mental observation. 107 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:40,182 I think we picked ourselves a queer bird, angel. 108 00:10:40,182 --> 00:10:41,683 Anything else? 109 00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,894 Oh, yeah. Get this, Sam. 110 00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:47,189 Lionel Twain has one interesting physical characteristic. 111 00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:49,691 He has no pinkies (little fingers)! 112 00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:51,777 No pinkies? 113 00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:53,862 You mean Twain has only got 8 fingers? 114 00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:57,866 No, he's got 10. He just doesn't have any pinkies. 115 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,077 - You did your homework good, angel. 116 00:11:00,077 --> 00:11:01,370 - Thanks, Sam. 117 00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:02,996 Where'd you dig up all that stuff? 118 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:06,959 - Oh, I wrote to Twain and asked him. - Good thinkin'. 119 00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:10,671 What's the matter? 120 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:14,383 Wadda ya know? Outta gas. 121 00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:18,387 I saw a station about... five miles back, Sam. 122 00:11:19,972 --> 00:11:23,976 I want you to know I'm gonna be waitin' for you, baby... 123 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:38,782 Here's the bridge, Pop. Doesn't look safe to me. 124 00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:42,286 One way to find out. Drive across! 125 00:11:42,286 --> 00:11:44,663 Aren't you gonna come with me? 126 00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:47,791 Weight of two men may be too much for bridge. 127 00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,668 Then why do I get to drive the car? 128 00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:53,672 'Cause I smart enough to get out first. 129 00:12:09,188 --> 00:12:11,690 I don't think I'm gonna make it, Pop. It's gonna collapse! 130 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:15,694 Not worry. Father find other way to house. 131 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,666 I made it, Pop! I made it! 132 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,585 Good, good! 133 00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:35,589 Now come back and get adoptive father. 134 00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,594 Look at invitation. What number of house? 135 00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,095 Two, two... 136 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:46,099 Correct! To, to Twain's house. Continue! 137 00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:12,960 Did you see that? 138 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:13,794 No. 139 00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:17,798 Neither did I. 140 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:24,972 Stop! Do not move. 141 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,391 Something wrong here... 142 00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:28,392 What is it, Pop? 143 00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:30,978 Do not ask questions. Do as I say. 144 00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:33,564 When I tell you "jump", you jump! 145 00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:36,859 One, two, three... 146 00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:39,570 Jump! 147 00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:42,781 Holy Shanghai! 148 00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:44,700 Nice counting, Pop! 149 00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:45,868 But how'd you know? 150 00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:48,871 Look on ground. 151 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:52,499 Ah! Even had correct shoe size. 152 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,585 Someone gone great trouble to make 153 00:13:54,585 --> 00:13:58,297 welcome guests not so welcome. 154 00:13:58,297 --> 00:14:00,674 Ring bell, please. 155 00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:02,968 Are you nuts, Pop? Someone's trying to kill us! 156 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:03,969 Yeah! 157 00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:07,973 Should make exciting week end. Ring, please. 158 00:14:08,182 --> 00:14:12,186 I wish it was Monday morning. 159 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:16,481 Well, here goes... 160 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,193 Holy cow! They're killing someone in there! 161 00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:21,486 - Calm yourself. - Didn't you hear a scream? 162 00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,989 Oh, no. You heard scream. 163 00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:27,159 More experienced ear heard doorbell. 164 00:14:27,159 --> 00:14:31,163 Listen again. 165 00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:37,169 Mr. Twain has macabre sense of humour, yeah? 166 00:15:00,484 --> 00:15:03,487 Good evening. We have been expecting you. 167 00:15:03,487 --> 00:15:07,491 But in what condition? Roof in need of repair! 168 00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:11,495 Indeed. I'm afraid the house is falling apart. 169 00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,665 May we come in please? 170 00:15:14,665 --> 00:15:17,668 I'm so sorry, I thought you were in. 171 00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:21,380 You are Mr. and Mrs. Charleston? 172 00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:25,384 Not quite. I am inspector Wang of Catalina Police. 173 00:15:26,385 --> 00:15:29,972 This adopted son Willie. 174 00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:33,976 I trust you had a pleasant journey despite of the storm. 175 00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:47,197 Strange weather! 176 00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:51,159 Storm only outside when inside! 177 00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:55,372 Oh, that. That's just one of Mr. Twain's little toys. 178 00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,374 An electronic device. 179 00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,877 Mr. Twain, as you will soon discover, 180 00:15:59,877 --> 00:16:03,172 prefers his atmosphere murky. 181 00:16:03,172 --> 00:16:04,882 May I have your bag, sir? 182 00:16:04,882 --> 00:16:08,886 No, no. Son will get bag. That is why I adopted him. 183 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,971 Very good, sir. 184 00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:14,975 One moment, please, while I close the door. 185 00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:21,899 Now, if you will follow me, I will show you to your room. 186 00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:36,997 Very large house. No other servants? 187 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:40,959 I'm not sure. I've never seen anyone. 188 00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:47,090 Mr. Twain asked me to see that you're made most comfortable, 189 00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:50,093 and to say that he will be joining you after dinner. 190 00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:54,097 After dinner? Host not have dinner with guests? 191 00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,390 No. 192 00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:59,394 Mr. Twain prefers to eat out. 193 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:14,284 Oh, wait please! What that? 194 00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:18,288 That? Oh, it's nothing, sir. Just the cat. 195 00:17:18,372 --> 00:17:20,374 That, cat? 196 00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:22,960 You feed cat dog food? 197 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,879 I'm afraid he's a very angry cat, sir. 198 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:29,883 Mr. Twain had him "fixed", and he didn't want to be. 199 00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:34,596 Big house. Eh, Pop? 200 00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:37,683 Big house like man married to fat woman. 201 00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:39,768 Hard to get around. 202 00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:42,479 Ah! Here we are. 203 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,690 I'm sure you'll find this suitable. 204 00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:46,066 Oh, it's a cold house! 205 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,693 I've taken care of that, sir. 206 00:17:47,693 --> 00:17:51,697 You'll find a nice cosy fire in your room. 207 00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:12,968 It's a bit smoky, sir. I'm afraid that old fireplace 208 00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:15,095 hasn't been used in years. 209 00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:17,097 At least the bed will be warm. 210 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,058 If you wish anything, sir, please ring. 211 00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:21,268 Why bother? 212 00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:24,062 It's... behind the bed, sir. There. 213 00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:24,980 Ah! 214 00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:28,984 Dinner will be at 9, and Mr. Twain likes his guests to dress. 215 00:18:31,195 --> 00:18:35,199 Ah! The doorbell. Excuse me. 216 00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:40,078 Wow! What a creepy guy! 217 00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:42,498 Why would anyone want to hire a blind butler? 218 00:18:42,498 --> 00:18:44,875 For one thing, very cheap. 219 00:18:44,875 --> 00:18:48,879 How butler know how much he get paid? 220 00:18:51,882 --> 00:18:53,884 Here, drink this darling. You'll feel better. 221 00:18:53,884 --> 00:18:57,596 If Miron hadn't barked when he did, we never would have seen that statue falling. 222 00:18:57,596 --> 00:19:00,474 I don't think that statue was meant to kill us, darling. I think it was a warning. 223 00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:02,184 Somebody's trying to frighten us. But why? 224 00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:04,895 Whatever his reason is, he's doing a wonderful job. 225 00:19:04,895 --> 00:19:06,688 And why the devil hasn't anybody answered this door? 226 00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:09,399 Don't ring it again, Dicky! Knock, don't ring. 227 00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:13,362 I won't. I promise. 228 00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:20,494 What is it now, Miron? 229 00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:23,372 Up there, Dora, look! 230 00:19:23,372 --> 00:19:24,790 A blind butler! 231 00:19:24,790 --> 00:19:28,794 Don't let him park the car, Dicky! 232 00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:37,469 Good evening. We have been expecting you. 233 00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:38,679 We let ourselves in, thank you. 234 00:19:38,679 --> 00:19:40,681 I'm... Dick and Dora Charleston. 235 00:19:40,681 --> 00:19:44,685 Good evening. We have been expecting you. 236 00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:49,064 Your room is ready, if you'll just follow me, please. 237 00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:53,986 Don't mind him, ma'am. It's just the cat. 238 00:19:56,697 --> 00:19:58,365 Oh yes... our luggage, in the trunk. 239 00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:02,369 I'll get it later, ma'am... when I park the car. 240 00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:06,999 Was that Mr. Wang's car I noticed out front? 241 00:20:06,999 --> 00:20:09,793 Yes. They're resting now in their room. 242 00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:13,797 I have taken the liberty of putting you in the same wing as Mr. Wang. 243 00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:17,759 Oh, isn't that nice, darling. We're in Wang's wing! 244 00:20:24,975 --> 00:20:27,895 Not many people come to the manor these days. 245 00:20:27,895 --> 00:20:30,397 It's nice to hear guests again. 246 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:31,565 Oh, thank you... you are? 247 00:20:31,565 --> 00:20:33,692 - Benson, ma'am - Thank you, Benson. 248 00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:37,279 No, no, no... "Besonmum". My name is Bensonmum. 249 00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:40,574 - Besonmum? - Yessir. Jamessir Bensonmum. 250 00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:41,658 Jamessir? 251 00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:42,576 Yessir 252 00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:44,995 - Jamessir Bensonmum? - Yessir 253 00:20:44,995 --> 00:20:47,581 - How odd! - My father's name sir! 254 00:20:47,581 --> 00:20:48,790 What was your father's name? 255 00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:51,168 Howard. Howard Bensonmum. 256 00:20:51,168 --> 00:20:52,586 Your father was "How odd" Bensonmum? 257 00:20:52,586 --> 00:20:54,463 Leave it be Dicky, I've had enough. 258 00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:55,672 Ah, here were are. 259 00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,966 The late Mrs. Twain's room. 260 00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:00,177 She died in here. 261 00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:02,471 - Oh dear! - Died of what? 262 00:21:02,471 --> 00:21:05,182 She murdered herself in her sleep, sir. 263 00:21:05,182 --> 00:21:06,600 You mean suicide? 264 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,770 Oh, no. It was murder alright. 265 00:21:09,770 --> 00:21:12,773 Mrs. Twain hated herself. 266 00:21:12,773 --> 00:21:15,275 We keep this room locked. 267 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:16,693 Why is that? 268 00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:19,988 Mr. Twain loved her very much. He's kept her room 269 00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:23,659 just as it was the night she choked herself... 270 00:21:23,659 --> 00:21:27,663 ...nine years ago. 271 00:21:35,087 --> 00:21:36,964 Madam loved it here. 272 00:21:36,964 --> 00:21:40,968 She said it was the cheeriest room in the house. 273 00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:46,682 Ah! The doorbell. 274 00:21:46,682 --> 00:21:48,267 That was Mrs. Charleston. 275 00:21:48,267 --> 00:21:49,977 I thought she was up here with us, sir. 276 00:21:49,977 --> 00:21:53,397 I am, and I will not stay in this... horribly filthy room overnight! 277 00:21:53,397 --> 00:21:57,359 Filthy? Very well madam. I'll attend to it during dinner. 278 00:21:57,484 --> 00:21:58,861 Thank you Bensonsir. 279 00:21:58,861 --> 00:22:00,362 - Mum! - What? 280 00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:04,366 Bensonmum. ma'am? 281 00:22:09,872 --> 00:22:11,165 Baking flour! 282 00:22:11,165 --> 00:22:12,082 What? 283 00:22:12,082 --> 00:22:14,293 This dust is baking flour. 284 00:22:14,293 --> 00:22:16,879 And these cobwebs, candied sugar. 285 00:22:16,879 --> 00:22:20,174 All placed here recently for the sole purpose of frightening us. 286 00:22:20,174 --> 00:22:21,592 And that mouse... 287 00:22:21,592 --> 00:22:25,596 ...obviously a mechanical toy. 288 00:22:27,264 --> 00:22:29,266 - Silly... - What is? 289 00:22:29,266 --> 00:22:31,393 I am. 290 00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:35,397 It's real! 291 00:22:38,275 --> 00:22:40,068 Stop the car. We are here. 292 00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:42,070 I know we are here. That's why I stopped the car! 293 00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:43,488 Open my door. 294 00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:45,199 - You've chocolate on your face. - What? 295 00:22:45,199 --> 00:22:46,992 The candy bar, it is all over your face. 296 00:22:46,992 --> 00:22:50,996 - Imbecile, that's my moustache! - Lick it and see! 297 00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:58,086 Wipe it off, my hands are sticky. 298 00:23:00,964 --> 00:23:03,091 Hold still please! 299 00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:07,095 Sloppy! 300 00:23:10,682 --> 00:23:14,686 All in good time! 301 00:23:19,274 --> 00:23:21,860 Yes? 302 00:23:21,860 --> 00:23:25,280 Who's there? 303 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:29,284 Who's there, I say? 304 00:23:30,869 --> 00:23:33,872 Filthy neighbourhood! 305 00:23:33,872 --> 00:23:35,499 Didn't I say "jump"? 306 00:23:35,499 --> 00:23:37,376 Un, deux, trois, "jump", I say? 307 00:23:37,376 --> 00:23:38,961 Why don't you listen to me? 308 00:23:38,961 --> 00:23:42,965 - Oh, leave me alone... - Sloppy! 309 00:23:57,271 --> 00:24:01,275 Who are you? 310 00:24:06,780 --> 00:24:09,074 You must be the new kitchen maid. 311 00:24:09,074 --> 00:24:12,494 I hope you can cook. Um? 312 00:24:12,494 --> 00:24:16,498 Answer me... Speak up! 313 00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:22,379 What's that? I can't hear you. 314 00:24:22,379 --> 00:24:26,383 A little shy are you? Never mind. 315 00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:31,388 There will be 10 for dinner. 316 00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:36,059 Here is the menu. 317 00:24:46,862 --> 00:24:50,491 Is that understood? Dinner will be at 9. 318 00:24:50,491 --> 00:24:54,495 When I want you, that bell on the wall will ring 3 times. 319 00:24:54,786 --> 00:24:58,790 All right. Get to work. 320 00:25:04,379 --> 00:25:06,965 Allo! Allo, allo! 321 00:25:06,965 --> 00:25:08,467 Operator! 322 00:25:08,467 --> 00:25:10,594 I am saying allo, allo! 323 00:25:10,594 --> 00:25:12,596 - It's dead, sir. - What?... 324 00:25:12,596 --> 00:25:14,765 Who is? Who are you? 325 00:25:14,765 --> 00:25:16,266 The butler, sir. 326 00:25:16,266 --> 00:25:19,895 The butler, eh? I thought as much. 327 00:25:19,895 --> 00:25:23,899 That phone has been out of order for the past week, sir. 328 00:25:23,899 --> 00:25:25,692 Is that a fact? 329 00:25:25,692 --> 00:25:29,696 And I put it to you that this wire has been snipped not one hour ago. 330 00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:32,574 As you can plainly see. 331 00:25:32,574 --> 00:25:33,784 What is your name? 332 00:25:33,784 --> 00:25:37,371 Benson-mum 333 00:25:37,371 --> 00:25:39,373 Your little jest escapes me. 334 00:25:39,373 --> 00:25:41,875 I am Monsieur Milo Perrier. 335 00:25:41,875 --> 00:25:44,169 My chauffeur was injured by a falling gargoyle 336 00:25:44,169 --> 00:25:47,172 while standing outside your Chinese footprints. 337 00:25:47,172 --> 00:25:51,176 We rang the bell. A woman screamed. A mouse ran by us through the door. 338 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:55,180 As you can plainly see... I miss nothing. 339 00:25:55,180 --> 00:25:59,184 Since we cannot call for a doctor, I will need a cold compress for my chauffeur... 340 00:25:59,393 --> 00:26:01,687 ...and a cup of hot chocolate for me. N'est-ce pas? 341 00:26:01,687 --> 00:26:05,065 I don't think we have Nespa, sir. Just Hershey's. 342 00:26:05,065 --> 00:26:09,069 I'll call the maid. 343 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:23,167 I'll fetch it for you myself, sir. 344 00:26:23,167 --> 00:26:27,171 In the meantime, if you'll be good enough to follow me to your room. 345 00:26:28,797 --> 00:26:31,091 Get up, get up! 346 00:26:31,091 --> 00:26:33,760 There is something about this butler I do not trust. 347 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,972 Notice how his eyes never look at you. 348 00:26:36,972 --> 00:26:40,893 He's blind, monsieur! 349 00:26:40,893 --> 00:26:44,897 Nonsense! 350 00:26:47,566 --> 00:26:50,777 Here's the house now. 351 00:26:50,777 --> 00:26:51,987 What's the matter? 352 00:26:51,987 --> 00:26:53,780 My feet are killing me! 353 00:26:53,780 --> 00:26:57,784 Why didn't you tell me we needed oil before I went back for the gas, Sam? 354 00:26:57,993 --> 00:27:01,163 Because I gave you a 50 dollar bill and the gas was only 5 bucks. 355 00:27:01,163 --> 00:27:05,083 Maybe you'd come back, maybe you wouldn't. I couldn't take that chance, angel. 356 00:27:05,083 --> 00:27:06,960 Don't you trust me, Sam? 357 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,462 Trust you? 358 00:27:08,462 --> 00:27:12,382 The last time that I trusted a dame was in Paris in 1940. 359 00:27:12,382 --> 00:27:14,968 She said she was going out to get a bottle of wine. 360 00:27:14,968 --> 00:27:18,597 Two hours later, the Germans marched into France. 361 00:27:18,597 --> 00:27:20,474 Oh, I'm sorry, Sam. 362 00:27:20,474 --> 00:27:24,478 Sorry nothing. Give me my change. 363 00:27:29,483 --> 00:27:33,487 Dinner will be at 9, sir. I'll have the maid bring up your chocolate. 364 00:27:33,862 --> 00:27:37,866 - Oh, one moment, my good man. - Sir? 365 00:27:52,381 --> 00:27:56,385 Thank you. That will be all. 366 00:27:57,886 --> 00:27:59,263 He's blind all right. 367 00:27:59,263 --> 00:28:03,267 Those were my funniest faces. 368 00:28:13,485 --> 00:28:15,863 Not exactly the Copa Cabana, is it? 369 00:28:15,863 --> 00:28:17,698 I don't feel good about this, Sam... 370 00:28:17,698 --> 00:28:20,284 Maybe tonight's the night your luck runs out. 371 00:28:20,284 --> 00:28:21,994 Maybe so. 372 00:28:21,994 --> 00:28:24,371 There's a number on the wall for all of us, angel, 373 00:28:24,371 --> 00:28:28,375 and if tonight's the night they pick mine, so be it. 374 00:28:28,792 --> 00:28:32,462 After you, sweetheart. 375 00:28:32,462 --> 00:28:34,381 First kiss me, Sam. 376 00:28:34,381 --> 00:28:35,883 I don't kiss. 377 00:28:35,883 --> 00:28:37,384 Just this once, Sam? 378 00:28:37,384 --> 00:28:41,388 I don't like kissing. Now leave me alone! 379 00:28:52,900 --> 00:28:55,861 My God! He's dead! 380 00:28:55,861 --> 00:28:56,987 I beg your pardon? 381 00:28:56,987 --> 00:29:00,991 Sam Diamond, the man I work for, is lying out there. He's been crushed to death! 382 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:04,995 Ah! I'm gonna faint! You catch me! 383 00:29:04,995 --> 00:29:06,663 Madam! 384 00:29:06,663 --> 00:29:08,999 Madam, where are you? 385 00:29:08,999 --> 00:29:10,584 All right, hold it right there! 386 00:29:10,584 --> 00:29:14,588 Freeze, winky! Get your hands up! Turn your face to the wall! 387 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,179 All right angel, you can get up now. 388 00:29:22,179 --> 00:29:26,183 Turn around, please. 389 00:29:26,975 --> 00:29:30,562 Your concrete Christmas present arrived about 2 seconds early. 390 00:29:30,562 --> 00:29:31,897 No thanks to you. 391 00:29:31,897 --> 00:29:35,067 I apologize for any unfortunate mishap, sir. 392 00:29:35,067 --> 00:29:36,860 May I put my hands down? 393 00:29:36,860 --> 00:29:39,196 Don't chase your luck, Shakespeare. 394 00:29:39,196 --> 00:29:42,366 I got your little invitation to dinner... 395 00:29:42,366 --> 00:29:46,370 ...but I didn't realize I was gonna be the main course. 396 00:29:48,163 --> 00:29:52,167 I had a kid brother who got it the same way, workin' on a case just like this 2 years ago. 397 00:29:54,169 --> 00:29:58,173 That boy would've been 63 on Tuesday. 398 00:29:58,298 --> 00:30:00,259 - For 2 cents I'd like to take a shot... - Sam, let go 399 00:30:00,259 --> 00:30:02,469 Get him away from me! 400 00:30:02,469 --> 00:30:04,388 Get him away... 401 00:30:04,388 --> 00:30:07,891 Get him away before I stuff him like one of them tiger trophies 402 00:30:07,891 --> 00:30:11,562 that our slimy pals like to hang up on saloon walls. 403 00:30:11,562 --> 00:30:15,190 Please! 404 00:30:15,190 --> 00:30:19,194 He has a dreadful temper, hasn't he? 405 00:30:31,999 --> 00:30:35,169 9 o'clock! Time for dinner! 406 00:30:35,169 --> 00:30:39,173 Is everything ready? 407 00:30:40,382 --> 00:30:44,386 I don't smell anything. Very light on the seasoning, are you? 408 00:30:44,469 --> 00:30:48,182 Put the soup in the tureen and keep the squabs on the low flame. 409 00:30:48,182 --> 00:30:51,059 I'll server cocktails. 410 00:30:51,059 --> 00:30:54,271 When you hear the bell... 411 00:30:54,271 --> 00:30:58,275 ...bring out the chilled asparagus, and turn up the flame on the squabs. 412 00:31:01,069 --> 00:31:05,073 Have you got that? 413 00:31:18,462 --> 00:31:20,172 You didn't tell me how I look, Dicky. 414 00:31:20,172 --> 00:31:23,967 (...) Absolutely ravishing! 415 00:31:23,967 --> 00:31:25,594 Do you love me and adore me? 416 00:31:25,594 --> 00:31:27,888 I love you and adore you. 417 00:31:27,888 --> 00:31:30,182 You too have the best "tush" in high society. 418 00:31:30,182 --> 00:31:32,559 Years of horseback riding, darling. 419 00:31:32,559 --> 00:31:35,270 Getting to bottom of things, Charleston? 420 00:31:35,270 --> 00:31:39,191 - Ah, Wang! Darling you remember... - Of course. Nice to see you Ah-Wang! 421 00:31:39,191 --> 00:31:41,068 Always a pleasure, Mrs. Charleston. 422 00:31:41,068 --> 00:31:44,363 What a beautiful gown... You must tell me where you got it! 423 00:31:44,363 --> 00:31:48,367 This? Oh, this an old dress... Had it for years! 424 00:31:50,077 --> 00:31:52,871 Please to meet adopted son, Willie. 425 00:31:52,871 --> 00:31:56,166 Ah! East meets West in a most bizarre setting. 426 00:31:56,166 --> 00:31:57,584 - Perrier! - Charleston. 427 00:31:57,584 --> 00:32:00,295 I didn't know you were invited! You know Wang? 428 00:32:00,295 --> 00:32:04,299 Ah, yes! I had the pleasure of dining in Shanghai many years ago with Inspector Wang. 429 00:32:08,470 --> 00:32:10,597 Oh, you remember! Yes! 430 00:32:10,597 --> 00:32:14,560 You had Hong Ching Choo, and I had Cow Dung Wu Tan! 431 00:32:15,769 --> 00:32:17,896 My wife, Dora. Inspector Perrier. 432 00:32:17,896 --> 00:32:21,567 Tr�s charmante! 433 00:32:21,567 --> 00:32:23,861 I'm sorry, our room is so dusty. 434 00:32:23,861 --> 00:32:26,488 My fault, I should have blown first. 435 00:32:26,488 --> 00:32:30,492 May I present my secretaire/chauffeur, Marcel Cassette. 436 00:32:30,659 --> 00:32:33,370 Recovered from your accident, Marcel? 437 00:32:33,370 --> 00:32:36,665 Oui, monsieur, but... how did you know? 438 00:32:36,665 --> 00:32:38,167 From the way you bend. 439 00:32:38,167 --> 00:32:41,670 The right side of your body's smashed in by a Citroen, I imagine. 440 00:32:41,670 --> 00:32:44,173 I also thought I detected a slightly metallic sound, 441 00:32:44,173 --> 00:32:47,759 which leads me to believe you've had an artificial hip put in. Steel? 442 00:32:47,759 --> 00:32:51,388 Aluminium. You're as quick as ever, Charleston. 443 00:32:51,388 --> 00:32:55,184 And you, Mr. Charleston, did not approve of Mrs. Charleston... 444 00:32:55,184 --> 00:32:57,060 ...dying hair blond? 445 00:32:57,060 --> 00:32:59,062 I beg your pardon? 446 00:32:59,062 --> 00:33:02,065 Mrs. Charleston hair red. 447 00:33:02,065 --> 00:33:05,986 You have blond hairs on shoulder. 448 00:33:05,986 --> 00:33:09,698 That means she has died red hair to blond, 449 00:33:09,698 --> 00:33:11,492 and back again to red, 450 00:33:11,492 --> 00:33:14,870 or else, you have been... 451 00:33:14,870 --> 00:33:18,874 Oh! So sorry! Wang is... wrong. 452 00:33:18,874 --> 00:33:22,878 Shall we go to dinner? 453 00:33:27,883 --> 00:33:31,887 - Well, Pop, you sure pushed your... - Shut Japanese mouth! 454 00:33:32,179 --> 00:33:34,890 Must have been ghastly to have your hip removed. 455 00:33:34,890 --> 00:33:38,894 - Does it hurt? - It only hurts in damp weather... 456 00:33:45,192 --> 00:33:49,196 - Are you all right? - Pay no attention. You'll only spoil him. 457 00:33:50,072 --> 00:33:54,076 Get up, get up! 458 00:33:54,660 --> 00:33:58,664 - As I was saying, Mr. Charleston,... - Hey, Pop! 459 00:33:59,289 --> 00:34:02,876 - A treacherous road like fresh mushrooms... - Hey Pop, uh... 460 00:34:02,876 --> 00:34:06,880 I know. Dog stick tongue out of picture. 461 00:34:07,297 --> 00:34:11,260 Treacherous road like... 462 00:34:15,180 --> 00:34:16,765 He's a charming fellow... 463 00:34:16,765 --> 00:34:19,893 African death mask. Died in some tribal ritual, I should think. 464 00:34:19,893 --> 00:34:22,187 Wonder where others are? 465 00:34:22,187 --> 00:34:26,191 Others? What others? 466 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:30,362 Invitation to dinner and murder finally clear to Wang 467 00:34:30,362 --> 00:34:32,990 with appearance of Monsieur Perrier. 468 00:34:32,990 --> 00:34:36,076 It is obvious, that only the world's greatest living detectives 469 00:34:36,076 --> 00:34:37,494 are on the guest list. 470 00:34:37,494 --> 00:34:38,996 Five of us, to be exact, darling. 471 00:34:38,996 --> 00:34:40,497 Three are already here. 472 00:34:40,497 --> 00:34:42,499 Two have not yet arrived, 473 00:34:42,499 --> 00:34:44,376 Miss Jessie Marbles of England, 474 00:34:44,376 --> 00:34:48,088 - And Mr... - Sam Diamond of San Francisco. 475 00:34:48,088 --> 00:34:50,090 I know who you all are. 476 00:34:50,090 --> 00:34:53,260 The lady here in the rented dress is my secretary and mistress, 477 00:34:53,260 --> 00:34:54,761 Miss Tess Skeffington. 478 00:34:54,761 --> 00:34:56,388 Ah, Sam, don't... 479 00:34:56,388 --> 00:34:58,265 Oh I'm sorry, sweetheart. 480 00:34:58,265 --> 00:35:01,560 Miss Skeffington doesn't like it when I'm so brutally honest. 481 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:04,563 But then again, we're all in a brutal business. Aren't we gentlemen? 482 00:35:04,563 --> 00:35:07,274 Never considered murder to be... 483 00:35:07,274 --> 00:35:09,359 ..."business", Mr. Diamond. 484 00:35:09,359 --> 00:35:11,570 Is that right, Mr. Wang? 485 00:35:11,570 --> 00:35:15,282 Well, maybe not for you, seein' as how you put all your money into vegetables 486 00:35:15,282 --> 00:35:17,367 back in the late 30's. 487 00:35:17,367 --> 00:35:21,288 Maybe our friends here don't know that you own over 50% of the bean sprout 488 00:35:21,288 --> 00:35:25,083 and the bamboo shoots grown on the Chinese mainland? 489 00:35:25,083 --> 00:35:28,086 So you folks can imagine how much Chicken Charmaine goes 490 00:35:28,086 --> 00:35:30,589 into Mr. Wang's pot each year. 491 00:35:30,589 --> 00:35:32,299 Am I gettin' those figures right, Angel? 492 00:35:32,299 --> 00:35:33,300 Right, Sam. 493 00:35:33,300 --> 00:35:35,886 I don't see what this has to do with anything. 494 00:35:35,886 --> 00:35:38,472 Or you, Mr. Perrier. 495 00:35:38,472 --> 00:35:41,767 You work both sides of the big drink. 496 00:35:41,767 --> 00:35:44,978 Pretty good pickings over there solving crimes for them Barons and Earls 497 00:35:44,978 --> 00:35:48,565 and putting your fancy fees into private and Swiss banks. 498 00:35:48,565 --> 00:35:51,568 Three trips a year buys a lot of hot chocolate, don't it Frenchie? 499 00:35:51,568 --> 00:35:52,861 Now see here, Diamond! 500 00:35:52,861 --> 00:35:56,865 No, you see here, Mr. Charleston of New York, Palm Beach and Beverly Hills. 501 00:35:58,575 --> 00:36:01,078 Crime is just a hobby to you, isn't it? 502 00:36:01,078 --> 00:36:03,163 It's just a little game to while away the time 503 00:36:03,163 --> 00:36:06,375 while you're waitin' for room service in some fancy hotel. 504 00:36:06,375 --> 00:36:10,379 While your wife's family dough buys your Gin-Martinis and your $300 suits. 505 00:36:10,879 --> 00:36:14,883 It's a pretty nice arrangement when all you gotta do is give your wife a little grab every now and then. 506 00:36:15,175 --> 00:36:18,262 And take the dog for a leak twice a day. 507 00:36:18,262 --> 00:36:22,266 Sorry if I'm shocking you ma'am, but I never had time to go to finishing school. 508 00:36:22,599 --> 00:36:23,976 My school is the streets, 509 00:36:23,976 --> 00:36:27,396 and looking down the barrel of a pointed revolver is my teacher. 510 00:36:27,396 --> 00:36:31,400 I get $50 a day in expenses when I can get them, gentlemen. 511 00:36:32,067 --> 00:36:36,071 And I owe Miss Skeffington here 3 years and 2 months back pay. Ain't that right, Angel? 512 00:36:36,071 --> 00:36:38,365 I don't care about the money, Sam. 513 00:36:38,365 --> 00:36:39,992 Neither do I. 514 00:36:39,992 --> 00:36:42,161 Now if one of you, gentlemen, would be so kind as to 515 00:36:42,161 --> 00:36:45,164 give my lady friend here a glass of cheap white wine? 516 00:36:45,164 --> 00:36:48,083 I'm goin' down the hall to find the can. 517 00:36:48,083 --> 00:36:52,087 I talk so much sometimes, I forget to go. 518 00:36:53,463 --> 00:36:57,176 Please excuse Sam. He was shot in the head last week. 519 00:36:57,176 --> 00:36:59,887 He shouldn't be even out of the hospital. 520 00:36:59,887 --> 00:37:02,389 If you ask me, I think the fellow's pretty damned honest. 521 00:37:02,389 --> 00:37:03,765 Dicky! Language! 522 00:37:03,765 --> 00:37:07,769 Miss Jessica Marbles, and Nurse. 523 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:19,364 Ah, Miss Marbles! So we finally meet. 524 00:37:19,781 --> 00:37:23,785 Have admired you ever since I was tiny little detective. 525 00:37:24,495 --> 00:37:28,499 Thank you Mr. Wang. I... am Jessica Marbles, 526 00:37:29,166 --> 00:37:32,169 this is Miss Withers. My Nurse. 527 00:37:32,169 --> 00:37:36,873 She's been with me 52 years. I have to take care of the poor dear now. 528 00:37:37,466 --> 00:37:40,177 - Are you all right, Miss Withers? - Hmm. 529 00:37:40,177 --> 00:37:44,181 - Do you want your medicine now? - No. 530 00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:55,484 She's off. I could use a good, stiff shot, Mr. Charleston. 531 00:37:55,776 --> 00:37:59,363 I believe the "booze", as you call it, is your department. 532 00:37:59,363 --> 00:38:00,989 My pleasure, Madam. 533 00:38:00,989 --> 00:38:03,075 Who is the old (geisha)? 534 00:38:03,075 --> 00:38:04,993 Sam! 535 00:38:04,993 --> 00:38:06,578 Jessie, baby! 536 00:38:06,578 --> 00:38:09,164 Sam Diamond! 537 00:38:09,164 --> 00:38:11,375 Mr. Diamond, you have a bullet hole in your back! 538 00:38:11,375 --> 00:38:15,087 You should see the other guy! 539 00:38:15,087 --> 00:38:16,672 Quiet, please! 540 00:38:16,672 --> 00:38:19,883 Observe! Strange sound. 541 00:38:19,883 --> 00:38:23,887 Aaaaargh! 542 00:38:24,763 --> 00:38:28,267 My God! It's the face! It's coming from the face! 543 00:38:28,267 --> 00:38:31,270 Aaaaargh! 544 00:38:31,270 --> 00:38:33,772 Acts like he's going through his final moments of death! 545 00:38:33,772 --> 00:38:34,982 What could it mean? 546 00:38:34,982 --> 00:38:38,986 It means dinner, sir. We have no gong. 547 00:38:47,077 --> 00:38:50,497 Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to make a toast. 548 00:38:50,497 --> 00:38:53,584 Our host, Mr. Lionel Twain is indeed a most... 549 00:38:53,584 --> 00:38:55,169 ...unique man. 550 00:38:55,169 --> 00:38:59,173 Point 1: He has succeeded in gathering the world's 5 greatest detectives... 551 00:38:59,882 --> 00:39:03,468 ...to investigate a crime that has not yet been committed. 552 00:39:03,468 --> 00:39:06,263 Point 2: He has set traps for us, 553 00:39:06,263 --> 00:39:09,391 a bridge that almost collapses, falling statues... 554 00:39:09,391 --> 00:39:11,059 Does he mean to kill us? 555 00:39:11,059 --> 00:39:13,562 Certainly not yet, he could have done that at any time. 556 00:39:13,562 --> 00:39:17,566 He's merely trying to wet our appetites for the game that is to follow. 557 00:39:17,691 --> 00:39:21,695 Point 3: Why 5 detectives instead of 1? 558 00:39:22,279 --> 00:39:25,365 Because he intends to take us all on, ladies and gentlemen. 559 00:39:25,365 --> 00:39:29,161 A feat that no criminal mind has heretofore attempted. 560 00:39:29,161 --> 00:39:32,289 Therefore, before this hellish weekend begins, 561 00:39:32,289 --> 00:39:36,293 I propose that we raise our wine glasses in a toast to either the most... 562 00:39:36,376 --> 00:39:38,378 ...beguiling and charming man, 563 00:39:38,378 --> 00:39:42,382 or to an insidious, fiendish, madman! 564 00:39:43,383 --> 00:39:44,760 Bottoms up! 565 00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:47,095 One moment, please! 566 00:39:47,095 --> 00:39:48,180 Point 4: 567 00:39:48,180 --> 00:39:49,681 Wine poisoned! 568 00:39:49,681 --> 00:39:51,892 What? 569 00:39:51,892 --> 00:39:55,896 An ancient, tasteless, colourless and odourless oriental herb... 570 00:39:56,688 --> 00:39:58,482 ...that kills instantly. 571 00:39:58,482 --> 00:40:02,486 Observe, please. 572 00:40:08,283 --> 00:40:11,495 Great Scott! Mr. Wang, you saved our lives! 573 00:40:11,495 --> 00:40:14,289 Not quite, Mrs. Charleston. 574 00:40:14,289 --> 00:40:18,293 Bon ap�tit! 575 00:40:19,586 --> 00:40:22,589 Since Monsieur Wang was the only one who could detect such a poison, 576 00:40:22,589 --> 00:40:24,383 he was the only one who was tested. 577 00:40:24,383 --> 00:40:27,970 Point 5: Monsieur Twain is both beguiling, 578 00:40:27,970 --> 00:40:31,974 and fiendish. 579 00:40:33,392 --> 00:40:35,561 Oh, get a doctor, quick! 580 00:40:35,561 --> 00:40:37,396 No, no... it's I. 581 00:40:37,396 --> 00:40:38,981 My wine is not poisoned. 582 00:40:38,981 --> 00:40:42,192 It was just a bad year... 583 00:40:42,192 --> 00:40:43,485 Good work, Mr. Wang. 584 00:40:43,485 --> 00:40:47,489 We must all be on our guard through every course of the meal. 585 00:40:48,073 --> 00:40:51,368 You're all forgettin' one thing. 586 00:40:51,368 --> 00:40:55,289 This makes the butler pretty suspicious, since he's the one who poured the wine. 587 00:40:55,289 --> 00:40:57,374 Except for the fact that he is blind. 588 00:40:57,374 --> 00:40:59,793 How would he know which one to server the poisoned glass to? 589 00:40:59,793 --> 00:41:01,587 That's very simple. 590 00:41:01,587 --> 00:41:05,591 Blind people have a very keen sense of smell. 591 00:41:05,591 --> 00:41:09,595 Since we're all Anglo-Saxon and Mr. Wang's son is Japanese, 592 00:41:09,678 --> 00:41:12,181 it wouldn't be hard to sniff out the Chinaman. 593 00:41:12,181 --> 00:41:14,683 Now see here, Diamond. That's a pretty tacky thing to say, isn't it? 594 00:41:14,683 --> 00:41:17,769 Well it's a pretty tacky world, Mr. Charleston. 595 00:41:17,769 --> 00:41:20,397 - Ain't that right, Angel? - That's right, Sam. 596 00:41:20,397 --> 00:41:23,567 Quiet, please. Butler approaches. 597 00:41:23,567 --> 00:41:25,694 I apologise for the delay. 598 00:41:25,694 --> 00:41:29,281 I seem to be having some communication problems with the cook. 599 00:41:29,281 --> 00:41:30,699 Who poured the wine? 600 00:41:30,699 --> 00:41:32,659 Mr. Twain, sir. 601 00:41:32,659 --> 00:41:36,163 It was left for me on a tray in the refrigerator. 602 00:41:36,163 --> 00:41:40,167 I was told to give Mr. Wang the glass with the sticky stem. 603 00:41:40,292 --> 00:41:42,169 And you didn't bother to ask why? 604 00:41:42,169 --> 00:41:44,796 I was lucky to find the refrigerator, sir. 605 00:41:44,796 --> 00:41:46,882 If I may serve the soup now? 606 00:41:46,882 --> 00:41:50,886 By all means. 607 00:42:04,900 --> 00:42:08,862 Ah, yes, I'm famished. 608 00:42:16,662 --> 00:42:18,580 One moment... 609 00:42:18,580 --> 00:42:19,873 Where's the soup? 610 00:42:19,873 --> 00:42:21,583 In your dish, sir. 611 00:42:21,583 --> 00:42:24,962 There is nothing in my dish... but my dish. 612 00:42:24,962 --> 00:42:26,171 I don't understand, sir. 613 00:42:26,171 --> 00:42:30,175 Here, take the spoon. Taste it for yourself. 614 00:42:39,184 --> 00:42:41,478 I see what you mean, sir. 615 00:42:41,478 --> 00:42:45,482 If you'll excuse me, I intend to have a little talk with the cook. 616 00:42:47,776 --> 00:42:51,780 Murder by starvation. Maybe that's his game. Hm? 617 00:42:52,573 --> 00:42:53,782 What do you think, Sam? 618 00:42:53,782 --> 00:42:56,076 I don't know Jess. Why don't you ask the moose on the wall. 619 00:42:56,076 --> 00:43:00,080 He's been watchin' us since we came in. 620 00:43:02,291 --> 00:43:06,295 Ten people for dinner, and I'm serving them hot nothing! 621 00:43:06,670 --> 00:43:10,674 You can't get good help today. 622 00:43:15,387 --> 00:43:19,183 You're fired, you understand? Fired! 623 00:43:19,183 --> 00:43:23,187 I want you out, do you hear? Out! 624 00:43:27,691 --> 00:43:31,695 And stay out! 625 00:43:31,778 --> 00:43:33,489 Something has occurred to me. 626 00:43:33,489 --> 00:43:34,781 The seating's all wrong! 627 00:43:34,781 --> 00:43:36,283 How so, Mr. Charleston? 628 00:43:36,283 --> 00:43:37,993 I'm sitting next to Dora. 629 00:43:37,993 --> 00:43:40,496 What's wrong with that? She's your wife, isn't she? 630 00:43:40,496 --> 00:43:44,500 Exactly! But in a proper dinner party, the husband is never seated next to the wife. 631 00:43:44,583 --> 00:43:46,668 Actually I should be on the opposite side of the table. 632 00:43:46,668 --> 00:43:48,462 Mr. Wang, will you change places with me? 633 00:43:48,462 --> 00:43:49,588 Now, Mr. Charleston? 634 00:43:49,588 --> 00:43:53,592 Now, Mr. Wang. 635 00:43:54,259 --> 00:43:55,177 Just as I thought! 636 00:43:55,177 --> 00:43:57,387 Another test that could have cost us our lives. 637 00:43:57,387 --> 00:44:00,474 Saved only by the fact that I am enormously well-bred. 638 00:44:00,474 --> 00:44:04,478 Lucky it wasn't me. I'd be chopped liver by now. 639 00:44:08,565 --> 00:44:11,193 Silence, please! Do not panic! 640 00:44:11,193 --> 00:44:13,070 No person move from place! 641 00:44:13,070 --> 00:44:14,988 Someone just came into the room. I hear footsteps! 642 00:44:14,988 --> 00:44:16,490 Oh, no! 643 00:44:16,490 --> 00:44:18,492 Quiet, everyone! 644 00:44:18,492 --> 00:44:19,660 I smell something! 645 00:44:19,660 --> 00:44:21,286 What is it? 646 00:44:21,286 --> 00:44:24,498 Good God! Franks and beans! 647 00:44:24,498 --> 00:44:27,084 I'm afraid that's all we have, sir. 648 00:44:27,084 --> 00:44:29,962 Dicky, don't. You know how I get when you touch me there. 649 00:44:29,962 --> 00:44:31,588 Not me, darling, I've got my hands in my pockets. 650 00:44:31,588 --> 00:44:33,674 I'm afraid they're my pockets! 651 00:44:33,674 --> 00:44:34,967 Oh, sorry about that. 652 00:44:34,967 --> 00:44:38,971 Dicky, behave yourself! 653 00:44:39,763 --> 00:44:42,099 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 654 00:44:42,099 --> 00:44:46,061 I'm your host, Lionel Twain. 655 00:44:59,867 --> 00:45:02,369 Good God! What an entrance! 656 00:45:02,369 --> 00:45:06,373 A bit theatrical, Miss Marbles. But I do so love illusion. 657 00:45:07,583 --> 00:45:10,377 Please forgive my hat. I'm losing my hair. 658 00:45:10,377 --> 00:45:13,881 I thought Twain was an older man. Say 72, 73. 659 00:45:13,881 --> 00:45:17,593 76 to be exact, Mr. Diamond. 660 00:45:17,593 --> 00:45:21,597 How do I look so young? Quite simple. 661 00:45:21,597 --> 00:45:25,184 Complete vegetable diet, 12 hours sleep at night, 662 00:45:25,184 --> 00:45:28,270 and lots and lots of makeup. 663 00:45:28,270 --> 00:45:31,273 I trust you've all been made comfortable. 664 00:45:31,273 --> 00:45:32,691 Comfortable, Mr. Twain? 665 00:45:32,691 --> 00:45:36,570 You call poisoned wine and near-decapitation comfortable? 666 00:45:36,570 --> 00:45:40,073 No, I call it inspiration. 667 00:45:40,073 --> 00:45:43,160 You still have not explained the various mechanical and culinary attempts 668 00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:45,287 on our lives, Monsieur Twain. 669 00:45:45,287 --> 00:45:47,789 Merely games, Monsieur Perrier. 670 00:45:47,789 --> 00:45:51,084 Pitting wits with you, so to speak. 671 00:45:51,084 --> 00:45:54,379 You pit your wits with me, little man, and you won't have your wits to pit with. 672 00:45:54,379 --> 00:45:57,799 - Know what I mean? - Sam, you're spitting on the nurse. 673 00:45:57,799 --> 00:46:01,762 Sorry, old lady. This crazy broad should be in bed. 674 00:46:01,887 --> 00:46:04,389 Monsieur Twain, we have been here nearly 4 hours, 675 00:46:04,389 --> 00:46:07,559 and there has not been a hint of a hot dinner, or cold corpse. 676 00:46:07,559 --> 00:46:09,978 I must therefore bid you adieu. 677 00:46:09,978 --> 00:46:11,897 I bid one adieu as well. 678 00:46:11,897 --> 00:46:15,859 No one is leaving this house. 679 00:46:25,869 --> 00:46:28,664 What meaning of this, Mr. Twain? 680 00:46:28,664 --> 00:46:31,667 I will tell you, Mr. Wang, if you can tell me 681 00:46:31,667 --> 00:46:35,379 why a man who possesses one of the most brilliant minds of this century 682 00:46:35,379 --> 00:46:37,673 can't say his prepositions or articles. 683 00:46:37,673 --> 00:46:41,260 "The", Mr. Wang. What is "the" meaning of this. 684 00:46:41,260 --> 00:46:44,888 That what I said! What meaning of this? 685 00:46:44,888 --> 00:46:48,684 The meaning of this is, that I have decided to prove 686 00:46:48,684 --> 00:46:50,561 beyond the shadow of a doubt 687 00:46:50,561 --> 00:46:54,064 that the greatest living criminologist in the world 688 00:46:54,064 --> 00:46:55,983 is sitting at this table 689 00:46:55,983 --> 00:46:58,986 and you are all looking at him. 690 00:46:58,986 --> 00:47:02,364 No, don't look at each other! Look at me! 691 00:47:02,364 --> 00:47:05,284 I'm the greatest! I'm number 1! 692 00:47:05,284 --> 00:47:08,996 To me you look number 2. Know what I mean? 693 00:47:08,996 --> 00:47:11,498 What does he mean, Miss Skeffington? 694 00:47:11,498 --> 00:47:13,167 I'll tell you later. It's disgusting. 695 00:47:13,167 --> 00:47:16,795 In all your various adventures, Monsieurs et Mesdames, 696 00:47:16,795 --> 00:47:20,299 not one of you has had an unsolved murder. 697 00:47:20,299 --> 00:47:24,261 Your reputations exist on this single fact. 698 00:47:24,261 --> 00:47:26,096 But... 699 00:47:26,096 --> 00:47:30,058 ...what would the world say, if the five greatest living detectives, 700 00:47:30,267 --> 00:47:33,896 ...found themselves trapped in a country house in the weekend, 701 00:47:33,896 --> 00:47:36,273 ...shut off from the outside world, 702 00:47:36,273 --> 00:47:39,359 ...only to discover a dead body on the floor, 703 00:47:39,359 --> 00:47:43,363 ...stabbed 12 times in the back with a butcher's knife, and... 704 00:47:44,698 --> 00:47:48,660 ...not one of you able to solve the crime? 705 00:47:48,785 --> 00:47:49,870 You mean murder? 706 00:47:49,870 --> 00:47:51,580 Dora, please, we're talking shop. 707 00:47:51,580 --> 00:47:53,999 Yes, murder, Mrs. Charleston. 708 00:47:53,999 --> 00:47:55,792 On the stroke of midnight, 709 00:47:55,792 --> 00:47:59,463 someone in this house is going to be viciously murdered. 710 00:47:59,463 --> 00:48:03,467 Left out one small detail Mr. Twain. 711 00:48:04,259 --> 00:48:06,386 Who victim? 712 00:48:06,386 --> 00:48:09,097 "is the"... "is the"... 713 00:48:09,097 --> 00:48:11,099 "Who is the victim"! 714 00:48:11,099 --> 00:48:12,768 That drives me crazy! 715 00:48:12,768 --> 00:48:14,686 Sounds like a short ride to me. 716 00:48:14,686 --> 00:48:18,690 Does it, Mr. Diamond? Well, we shall see who is sane 717 00:48:19,066 --> 00:48:23,070 and who is crazy around here. 718 00:48:24,488 --> 00:48:28,492 The victim is here at this very table at this very moment. 719 00:48:28,575 --> 00:48:31,495 And so too, ladies and gentlemen, 720 00:48:31,495 --> 00:48:33,789 is the murderer. 721 00:48:33,789 --> 00:48:34,998 Murder-poo? 722 00:48:34,998 --> 00:48:38,961 Yes, dear. We're going to have a lovely murder-poo. 723 00:48:40,796 --> 00:48:44,800 Why don't you push her wheelchair down the driveway? We got business here. 724 00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:46,593 You say you know who's gonna get it? 725 00:48:46,593 --> 00:48:47,886 Intimately. 726 00:48:47,886 --> 00:48:49,596 And you know how the crime is to be committed? 727 00:48:49,596 --> 00:48:50,597 Definitely. 728 00:48:50,597 --> 00:48:52,975 And exactly what time murder to take place? 729 00:48:52,975 --> 00:48:55,978 "The" murder! Precisely. 730 00:48:55,978 --> 00:48:57,771 Well, I know that it's none of my business, 731 00:48:57,771 --> 00:49:00,566 but doesn't that mean that you're the murderer, Mr. Twain? 732 00:49:00,566 --> 00:49:03,986 No wives. I refuse to discuss this with wives. 733 00:49:03,986 --> 00:49:06,280 Dora is quite right. All fingers do seem to point at you. 734 00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:08,198 It's not much of a challenge, I'd say. 735 00:49:08,198 --> 00:49:11,160 Shall I make it more interesting, Mr. Charleston? 736 00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:14,496 1 million dollars to the one who solves the crime, 737 00:49:14,496 --> 00:49:17,291 wagered against your reputations. 738 00:49:17,291 --> 00:49:19,668 1 million dollars in tax-free cash. 739 00:49:19,668 --> 00:49:23,672 In addition, all the paperback rights and the film sales. 740 00:49:23,797 --> 00:49:25,799 It's 11 o'clock amigos. 741 00:49:25,799 --> 00:49:29,761 Just 1 hour before death strikes someone in this room. 742 00:49:29,761 --> 00:49:33,765 See you at midnight. Too-de-loo! 743 00:49:35,893 --> 00:49:38,770 See here, Mr. Twain... 744 00:49:38,770 --> 00:49:40,272 Look, he's gone! 745 00:49:40,272 --> 00:49:43,275 No he's not. He's down there! 746 00:49:43,275 --> 00:49:45,777 Fast little bunny rabbit, ain't ya? 747 00:49:45,777 --> 00:49:49,281 I've never moved, Mr. Diamond. I'm still down there. 748 00:49:49,281 --> 00:49:51,366 A little stuff done with mirrors. 749 00:49:51,366 --> 00:49:53,368 Is that so? 750 00:49:53,368 --> 00:49:55,579 Willing to risk seven years bad luck? 751 00:49:55,579 --> 00:49:57,164 Try it, Mr. Diamond. 752 00:49:57,164 --> 00:50:00,459 It's your funeral, butter balls. 753 00:50:00,459 --> 00:50:02,169 Wait, wait! 754 00:50:02,169 --> 00:50:06,173 Sometimes it doesn't work. 755 00:50:06,298 --> 00:50:09,259 You won this round, Mr. Diamond. 756 00:50:09,259 --> 00:50:13,263 My turn comes at midnight. 757 00:50:20,562 --> 00:50:24,191 I hope he knows how to stop that thing. 758 00:50:24,191 --> 00:50:28,195 If you ask me, anybody that offers a million bucks to solve a crime that ain't been committed yet 759 00:50:29,071 --> 00:50:31,490 has got a lot more upstairs than his hair. 760 00:50:31,490 --> 00:50:34,660 What do we all do now? Just sit around and wait for one of us to be butchered? 761 00:50:34,660 --> 00:50:38,580 And what has happened to the butler? Why has he not returned? 762 00:50:38,580 --> 00:50:40,165 With our dinner! 763 00:50:40,165 --> 00:50:41,792 - Go look for him. - Oui, monsieur. 764 00:50:41,792 --> 00:50:42,668 No! 765 00:50:42,668 --> 00:50:45,671 - No one to leave this room! - Why not, Pop? 766 00:50:45,671 --> 00:50:49,675 Twain say victim at this table. If we all stay together, 767 00:50:49,800 --> 00:50:52,678 crime cannot be committed without witnesses. 768 00:50:52,678 --> 00:50:55,180 He's right. You're one smart Chinaman, Mr. Wang. 769 00:50:55,180 --> 00:50:59,184 I suggest we all join hands. The chain is stronger if the links are unbroken. 770 00:51:00,185 --> 00:51:04,189 Join hands, please. 771 00:51:13,866 --> 00:51:17,870 Stop that! 772 00:51:18,996 --> 00:51:20,664 Stop it, I said. 773 00:51:20,664 --> 00:51:22,583 What is it, Diamond? 774 00:51:22,583 --> 00:51:25,586 The nurse is giving my palm the finger, the dirty old broad! 775 00:51:25,586 --> 00:51:29,590 Naughty, naughty Miss Withers! 776 00:51:33,468 --> 00:51:34,469 Good God! 777 00:51:34,469 --> 00:51:35,470 What is it? 778 00:51:35,470 --> 00:51:39,474 Look! 779 00:51:40,976 --> 00:51:42,394 What is she doing? 780 00:51:42,394 --> 00:51:43,770 I think she's screaming. 781 00:51:43,770 --> 00:51:45,481 What is it? What's happened? 782 00:51:45,481 --> 00:51:46,899 Something wrong in kitchen. 783 00:51:46,899 --> 00:51:48,192 With our dinner! 784 00:51:48,192 --> 00:51:49,276 Patience, patience! 785 00:51:49,276 --> 00:51:50,360 Is someone in there? 786 00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:51,862 Someone in the kitchen with dinner? 787 00:51:51,862 --> 00:51:55,866 Cook cannot speak or hear! 788 00:51:56,366 --> 00:51:59,286 I think butler is dead. 789 00:51:59,286 --> 00:52:02,998 My name is Yatta. I don't work Thursdays. 790 00:52:02,998 --> 00:52:05,083 Ask her if she sleeps in, Dicky. 791 00:52:05,083 --> 00:52:07,085 We must investigate this, Wang. Someone has to go. 792 00:52:07,085 --> 00:52:10,589 Not alone. Mr Charleston, Mr. Diamond, stay with others. 793 00:52:10,589 --> 00:52:14,593 Miss Marble, Mr. Perrier and Wang, we'll investigate. 794 00:52:18,972 --> 00:52:22,976 That's right, just let it all out. 795 00:52:22,976 --> 00:52:25,270 Here... 796 00:52:25,270 --> 00:52:27,189 Damn! 797 00:52:27,189 --> 00:52:28,398 Careful, Wang! 798 00:52:28,398 --> 00:52:29,066 Huh? 799 00:52:29,066 --> 00:52:30,484 Fingerprints! 800 00:52:30,484 --> 00:52:31,360 Huh? 801 00:52:31,360 --> 00:52:33,070 Yours! 802 00:52:33,070 --> 00:52:37,074 Here, take my handkerchief. 803 00:52:49,378 --> 00:52:50,462 Is he.. ? 804 00:52:50,462 --> 00:52:51,463 He look like... 805 00:52:51,463 --> 00:52:55,467 Seems like... 806 00:52:55,467 --> 00:52:56,677 Fingerprints! 807 00:52:56,677 --> 00:52:58,762 Good thought. 808 00:52:58,762 --> 00:53:02,766 - Pencil. - Pencil. 809 00:53:15,070 --> 00:53:18,073 No pulse... 810 00:53:18,073 --> 00:53:20,576 no heartbeat. 811 00:53:20,576 --> 00:53:23,078 If condition does not change, 812 00:53:23,078 --> 00:53:24,079 this man... 813 00:53:24,079 --> 00:53:25,664 ...is dead! 814 00:53:25,664 --> 00:53:28,000 No signs of foul play. 815 00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:29,084 Hold on! 816 00:53:29,084 --> 00:53:32,296 What's this? 817 00:53:32,296 --> 00:53:35,799 What do you make of this, Perrier? 818 00:53:35,799 --> 00:53:37,259 Poison, n'est-ce pas? 819 00:53:37,259 --> 00:53:40,470 Not Nespa, Coco! 820 00:53:40,470 --> 00:53:42,890 So at last, we have our murder! 821 00:53:42,890 --> 00:53:46,894 Not quite. Twain say murder victim sitting at our table. 822 00:53:47,060 --> 00:53:49,062 Butler not at our table. 823 00:53:49,062 --> 00:53:51,482 Butler only killed to divert us from... 824 00:53:51,482 --> 00:53:55,486 ...real murder still to come. 825 00:53:56,069 --> 00:53:58,864 One of the knives is missing! 826 00:53:58,864 --> 00:54:00,574 The butcher's knife, I'll wager. 827 00:54:00,574 --> 00:54:01,992 Which means the others are still in danger. 828 00:54:01,992 --> 00:54:03,160 What is exact time, please? 829 00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:05,370 Yes, yes. 830 00:54:05,370 --> 00:54:07,998 11:31 and 56 seconds. 831 00:54:07,998 --> 00:54:09,791 57 832 00:54:09,791 --> 00:54:10,792 58 833 00:54:10,792 --> 00:54:11,877 Tell me when to stop. 834 00:54:11,877 --> 00:54:12,878 59 835 00:54:12,878 --> 00:54:13,670 60 836 00:54:13,670 --> 00:54:15,964 28 minutes to main murder! 837 00:54:15,964 --> 00:54:17,466 Quickly, back to dining room. 838 00:54:17,466 --> 00:54:21,386 Must all be together at midnight. 839 00:54:21,386 --> 00:54:25,390 One moment! 840 00:54:27,893 --> 00:54:31,897 Handkerchief! 841 00:54:41,281 --> 00:54:42,366 What is it? 842 00:54:42,366 --> 00:54:45,994 A bill. Everything here has been arranged for tonight. 843 00:54:45,994 --> 00:54:48,997 The butler, the cook, the food, the dining room chairs, everything! 844 00:54:48,997 --> 00:54:49,998 You mean...? 845 00:54:49,998 --> 00:54:53,460 Yes, this entire murder has been... 846 00:54:53,460 --> 00:54:57,464 ...catered! 847 00:54:58,799 --> 00:55:00,467 It's Twain's doing. The man is mad. 848 00:55:00,467 --> 00:55:04,471 Ah, yes, but no fool. I only hope we are in time. 849 00:55:04,596 --> 00:55:05,472 Door locked! 850 00:55:05,472 --> 00:55:08,392 Sam Diamond probably locked it from the inside as a precaution. 851 00:55:08,392 --> 00:55:11,061 Good thinking on Diamond head. 852 00:55:11,061 --> 00:55:12,563 Diamond, it's Perrier. 853 00:55:12,563 --> 00:55:16,191 It's all right... open up! 854 00:55:16,191 --> 00:55:18,986 Diamond, Charleston, are you in there? 855 00:55:18,986 --> 00:55:22,990 Quickly! Go back to kitchen. Get dining room key from pocket of dead butler. 856 00:55:23,782 --> 00:55:25,284 You don't have to say dead butler, 857 00:55:25,284 --> 00:55:29,288 it's bad enough I have to put my hand in his pocket! 858 00:55:41,175 --> 00:55:45,179 Holy merde! 859 00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:51,894 Miss Skeffington! 860 00:55:51,894 --> 00:55:53,979 Miss Skeffington! Miss Withers! 861 00:55:53,979 --> 00:55:54,980 He's gone! 862 00:55:54,980 --> 00:55:56,064 - Who's gone? - The butler. 863 00:55:56,064 --> 00:55:58,275 His body is missing. Here's the key. 864 00:55:58,275 --> 00:56:00,360 If butler gone, where you find key? 865 00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:01,195 In his pocket. 866 00:56:01,195 --> 00:56:02,988 - What pocket? - The butler's pocket. 867 00:56:02,988 --> 00:56:04,865 Butler gone but pocket still there? 868 00:56:04,865 --> 00:56:08,285 Exactly. Somebody has stolen his body but left his clothes there. 869 00:56:08,285 --> 00:56:12,289 Quickly, open the door. Something is very wrong here. 870 00:56:17,169 --> 00:56:20,672 Hello? Where is everyone? 871 00:56:20,672 --> 00:56:23,592 Room filled with empty people! 872 00:56:23,592 --> 00:56:27,596 I'll try the other door. 873 00:56:27,888 --> 00:56:29,598 It's locked. From the inside! 874 00:56:29,598 --> 00:56:32,768 Strange... Both doors locked from inside, yet no way out! 875 00:56:32,768 --> 00:56:34,895 I don't like it. I don't like it one bit! 876 00:56:34,895 --> 00:56:38,190 I like it, but do not understand it. 877 00:56:38,190 --> 00:56:42,194 Maybe other way out of room. Secret passageway perhaps. 878 00:56:43,362 --> 00:56:47,366 Wrong there are no secret passageways, Mr. Wang. 879 00:56:47,491 --> 00:56:48,367 You spoke? 880 00:56:48,367 --> 00:56:50,285 - No. - Not me. 881 00:56:50,285 --> 00:56:53,288 I spoke! 882 00:56:53,288 --> 00:56:54,998 Ah, there! 883 00:56:54,998 --> 00:56:56,667 Voice come from cow on wall! 884 00:56:56,667 --> 00:56:59,795 Moose! Moose, you imbecile! 885 00:56:59,795 --> 00:57:03,298 Where are they? What have you done with the others, you short madman? 886 00:57:03,298 --> 00:57:05,884 Ah-ha! Stumped already! 887 00:57:05,884 --> 00:57:08,470 Need some clues Mr. Perrier? 888 00:57:08,470 --> 00:57:12,474 Clues? I need no clues from you! I find my own clues, you demented lollypop! 889 00:57:12,891 --> 00:57:16,478 Calm yourself! Man who argue with cow on wall is like train without wheels. 890 00:57:16,478 --> 00:57:17,688 Very soon get nowhere. 891 00:57:17,688 --> 00:57:19,273 OK, quiet. I'm sick of your fortune cookies. 892 00:57:19,273 --> 00:57:23,277 - Oh, man who is sick of Chinese cookie, is like... - Didn�t he hear what I said? 893 00:57:23,777 --> 00:57:26,989 - Quiet, quiet, please - Cow talk again! 894 00:57:26,989 --> 00:57:29,783 In need of a hint, Miss Marbles? 895 00:57:29,783 --> 00:57:33,787 You all mistake what you assume, they never left the dining room. 896 00:57:34,580 --> 00:57:38,584 Count the numbers one to ten, turn the knob and try again. 897 00:57:40,377 --> 00:57:43,881 What the devil does that mean? "They never left the dining room", 898 00:57:43,881 --> 00:57:44,965 Certainly they did! 899 00:57:44,965 --> 00:57:46,758 Do not mistake what you assume, Miss Marble. 900 00:57:46,758 --> 00:57:48,093 Quick, back out in hall! 901 00:57:48,093 --> 00:57:48,969 What for? 902 00:57:48,969 --> 00:57:51,889 We assume others not here, but cow say 903 00:57:51,889 --> 00:57:53,599 they are in dining room. 904 00:57:53,599 --> 00:57:57,561 Let us look once more. 905 00:57:58,395 --> 00:58:02,399 Please close door, Mr. Perrier. 906 00:58:02,483 --> 00:58:04,776 - I cannot see what possible... - Please, be quiet 907 00:58:04,776 --> 00:58:07,988 ...seven...eight...nine...ten 908 00:58:07,988 --> 00:58:11,992 Miss Marbles, be so kind as to open door, please. 909 00:58:18,165 --> 00:58:20,459 Where were you, Wang? We was worried. 910 00:58:20,459 --> 00:58:22,294 What do you mean, where were we? Where were you? 911 00:58:22,294 --> 00:58:24,671 We were here. Didn't you say not to leave the dining room? 912 00:58:24,671 --> 00:58:26,798 And you have not left this room since we were gone? 913 00:58:26,798 --> 00:58:28,884 Certainly not! 914 00:58:28,884 --> 00:58:32,888 Answer simple... but question very hard. 915 00:58:33,680 --> 00:58:34,765 Where's the butler? 916 00:58:34,765 --> 00:58:36,892 Butler completely murdered. 917 00:58:36,892 --> 00:58:40,562 Poisoned. Yet one of the butcher's knives is missing. 918 00:58:40,562 --> 00:58:43,899 We came back here to inform you, but the doors were locked! 919 00:58:43,899 --> 00:58:46,568 I went back to get the key out of the butler's pocket. 920 00:58:46,568 --> 00:58:49,571 His body was missing. He had been stripped naked, 921 00:58:49,571 --> 00:58:51,782 and his clothes left in his place. 922 00:58:51,782 --> 00:58:55,786 I don't understand. Why would anybody want to steal a dead, naked body? 923 00:58:56,286 --> 00:59:00,290 Dear, there are people who... 924 00:59:00,999 --> 00:59:04,294 That's tacky! That's really tacky! 925 00:59:04,294 --> 00:59:07,798 Then we returned here, opened the door, 926 00:59:07,798 --> 00:59:11,760 but the room was empty, you were all gone! 927 00:59:12,469 --> 00:59:16,473 The moose head told us not to assume, that you had ever left the dining room. 928 00:59:17,599 --> 00:59:21,562 So, we counted to 10, and tried it again. 929 00:59:22,479 --> 00:59:24,773 And here you were! 930 00:59:24,773 --> 00:59:27,568 I'm not one to use hyperbolae, ladies and gentlemen, 931 00:59:27,568 --> 00:59:30,863 but I'll tell you this: For the first time in my life 932 00:59:30,863 --> 00:59:34,867 I had the caca scared out of me! 933 00:59:35,075 --> 00:59:39,079 I like her, I really like her! 934 00:59:39,580 --> 00:59:41,165 - Gunshots, Monsieur! - Gunshots, Pop! 935 00:59:41,165 --> 00:59:45,169 - Gunshots, Sam! - Gunshots, Dicky! 936 00:59:45,377 --> 00:59:47,588 All right, this time Charleston and I will go. 937 00:59:47,588 --> 00:59:49,590 Everybody else stay in the room. 938 00:59:49,590 --> 00:59:53,594 Let's go, Charleston. 939 00:59:56,471 --> 01:00:00,476 What do you make of all of this, Wang? 940 01:00:02,060 --> 01:00:04,062 Is confusing. 941 01:00:04,062 --> 01:00:08,066 "It"! "It" is confusing. Say your goddamn pronouns! 942 01:00:14,990 --> 01:00:17,868 Open the door. 943 01:00:17,868 --> 01:00:19,077 Good God! 944 01:00:19,077 --> 01:00:19,995 What is it? 945 01:00:19,995 --> 01:00:23,999 He's back! 946 01:00:24,583 --> 01:00:26,877 And au naturel! 947 01:00:26,877 --> 01:00:28,587 I don't get it. 948 01:00:28,587 --> 01:00:32,382 First they steal the body and leave the clothes, 949 01:00:32,382 --> 01:00:35,260 then they steal the clothes and bring the body back. 950 01:00:35,260 --> 01:00:37,179 Who would do a thing like that? 951 01:00:37,179 --> 01:00:39,389 Possibly some deranged dry-cleaner. 952 01:00:39,389 --> 01:00:41,183 What about the gunshots? 953 01:00:41,183 --> 01:00:44,478 Why shoot some poor slob when he's already been poisoned? 954 01:00:44,478 --> 01:00:45,896 True. We heard the gunshots. 955 01:00:45,896 --> 01:00:49,483 But I don't see any bullet hole on his head, his neck, his back or his chest. 956 01:00:49,483 --> 01:00:51,693 Look all over him. 957 01:00:51,693 --> 01:00:53,070 All over his body? 958 01:00:53,070 --> 01:00:55,280 Somebody's gotta do it. I'm busy standing guard. 959 01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:57,574 Why don't I stand guard. You look all over the body. 960 01:00:57,574 --> 01:00:59,159 All right, we'll take turns. 961 01:00:59,159 --> 01:01:01,578 You look over the first dead naked body that we find 962 01:01:01,578 --> 01:01:05,582 and I'll look over the second. 963 01:01:06,291 --> 01:01:10,295 Hurry up, we only got 8 minutes. 964 01:01:16,677 --> 01:01:18,095 You see anythin'? 965 01:01:18,095 --> 01:01:21,181 No, I don't see a bullet hole anywhere. 966 01:01:21,181 --> 01:01:23,183 Hold it! I see something. 967 01:01:23,183 --> 01:01:24,685 What is it? 968 01:01:24,685 --> 01:01:27,187 Forget it. My mistake. Not a bullet hole. 969 01:01:27,187 --> 01:01:30,482 If he wasn't mugged, what about the shots? 970 01:01:30,482 --> 01:01:32,693 - Divide and Conquer. - What? 971 01:01:32,693 --> 01:01:35,696 Another diversion. He gives us meaningless clues to confuse us 972 01:01:35,696 --> 01:01:37,489 dangles red herrings before our eyes, 973 01:01:37,489 --> 01:01:40,075 but dazzles us with bizarre banalities, but all the time 974 01:01:40,075 --> 01:01:41,660 precious seconds are ticking away 975 01:01:41,660 --> 01:01:44,288 towards a truly terrible murder still to come. 976 01:01:44,288 --> 01:01:45,372 You're good, Charleston. 977 01:01:45,372 --> 01:01:48,458 You're not my kindda cop, but you're smart and you smell good. 978 01:01:48,458 --> 01:01:51,670 You're not a pransy, I know that. But what the hell are you? 979 01:01:51,670 --> 01:01:53,380 Classy, I suppose. 980 01:01:53,380 --> 01:01:55,465 Dames always fall for a guy like you, don't they? 981 01:01:55,465 --> 01:01:58,260 - I don't see what possibly interests... - Did you even make it with a waitress? 982 01:01:58,260 --> 01:01:58,969 I beg your pardon? 983 01:01:58,969 --> 01:02:02,389 A waitress. A big, fat waitress. 984 01:02:02,389 --> 01:02:04,766 I don't know what them society dames are like in a kip, 985 01:02:04,766 --> 01:02:08,770 but you ain't never had it till you've made it with a big, fat, blonde waitress. 986 01:02:09,271 --> 01:02:13,275 If you're ever interested, you give me a call. 987 01:02:17,779 --> 01:02:19,781 Bizarre little twit. 988 01:02:19,781 --> 01:02:23,785 Still not sure about this guy. 989 01:02:29,791 --> 01:02:30,876 What're you doin'? 990 01:02:30,876 --> 01:02:32,961 - I'd wash my hands after, em... - Good 991 01:02:32,961 --> 01:02:34,171 I'll be out in a minute. 992 01:02:34,171 --> 01:02:38,091 I'll go ahead. I'll tell the others. 993 01:02:38,091 --> 01:02:41,887 You're never gonna believe this, folks... 994 01:02:41,887 --> 01:02:43,680 All right, where are you? 995 01:02:43,680 --> 01:02:46,600 What the hell is goin' on here? 996 01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:50,562 Charleston, wash up later. We got problems. 997 01:02:55,275 --> 01:02:59,279 Locked from the inside. 998 01:02:59,696 --> 01:03:02,991 That can only mean one thing! 999 01:03:02,991 --> 01:03:05,285 And I dunno what it is... 1000 01:03:05,285 --> 01:03:09,289 Charleston! 1001 01:03:11,291 --> 01:03:15,295 You're never gonna believe... 1002 01:03:23,178 --> 01:03:27,182 I said I'd be out in a minute! 1003 01:03:33,188 --> 01:03:37,192 I don't remember closin' that door. 1004 01:03:42,072 --> 01:03:45,659 What happened? 1005 01:03:45,659 --> 01:03:49,663 What with the gunshots? 1006 01:03:51,165 --> 01:03:53,375 Did anybody leave this room since we were gone? 1007 01:03:53,375 --> 01:03:55,377 So it happened to you too, Mr. Diamond. 1008 01:03:55,377 --> 01:03:58,088 Where's my Dicky? 1009 01:03:58,088 --> 01:04:00,090 Sorry, where's my husband? 1010 01:04:00,090 --> 01:04:03,260 Two minutes to midnight, in case anyone is interested. 1011 01:04:03,260 --> 01:04:05,596 It ain't possible, I'm tellin' you! 1012 01:04:05,596 --> 01:04:09,600 Eight people in a dining room, can't turn into an empty room unless... 1013 01:04:10,184 --> 01:04:11,977 Unless what, Sam? 1014 01:04:11,977 --> 01:04:13,687 Unless it never happened. 1015 01:04:13,687 --> 01:04:15,772 I see your point, Diamond! 1016 01:04:15,772 --> 01:04:19,276 When is a dining room filled with people not a dining room filled with people? 1017 01:04:19,276 --> 01:04:20,777 When this is 2 dining rooms! 1018 01:04:20,777 --> 01:04:22,279 Exactly. 1019 01:04:22,279 --> 01:04:23,780 Two dining rooms? 1020 01:04:23,780 --> 01:04:25,574 Two dining rooms, two of everything. 1021 01:04:25,574 --> 01:04:28,076 Twain electronic genius! 1022 01:04:28,076 --> 01:04:30,496 He has devised a way to move this room 1023 01:04:30,496 --> 01:04:33,290 quickly and silently, in the flash of an eye, 1024 01:04:33,290 --> 01:04:36,376 to be replaced by an exact duplicate of this very room. 1025 01:04:36,376 --> 01:04:37,586 I knew it all the time! 1026 01:04:37,586 --> 01:04:38,879 Oh, please. 1027 01:04:38,879 --> 01:04:40,172 I shall demonstrate. 1028 01:04:40,172 --> 01:04:43,383 I shall walk out the door, close it, knock 3 times, 1029 01:04:43,383 --> 01:04:45,093 enter, and you will all be gone. 1030 01:04:45,093 --> 01:04:49,097 Observe. 1031 01:04:52,976 --> 01:04:54,686 I have it all figured out. 1032 01:04:54,686 --> 01:04:56,772 There are two of everything. 1033 01:04:56,772 --> 01:04:59,066 Oh, Dicky, that's old news. 1034 01:04:59,066 --> 01:05:01,276 All right, everybody take their seats. 1035 01:05:01,276 --> 01:05:03,195 I'm scared, Sam. Hold me. 1036 01:05:03,195 --> 01:05:05,697 Hold yourself, I'm busy. 1037 01:05:05,697 --> 01:05:07,491 Take the same seats you had before. 1038 01:05:07,491 --> 01:05:11,161 40 seconds! I'm very worried about Mr. Perrier. 1039 01:05:11,161 --> 01:05:12,663 I'm going to look for him. 1040 01:05:12,663 --> 01:05:16,667 No, sit please. No one to leave room. 1041 01:05:16,792 --> 01:05:20,796 It's the other door. 1042 01:05:22,881 --> 01:05:24,466 It's locked. I can't open it. 1043 01:05:24,466 --> 01:05:26,969 Hurry, man. We have 15 seconds. 1044 01:05:26,969 --> 01:05:30,973 Move your hands, chauffeur. 1045 01:05:33,767 --> 01:05:35,060 Don't ask me! 1046 01:05:35,060 --> 01:05:36,562 What are you doing in the butler's uniform? 1047 01:05:36,562 --> 01:05:38,689 I said don't ask me! 1048 01:05:38,689 --> 01:05:42,693 I don't know... It all happened too quickly. 1049 01:05:43,193 --> 01:05:46,989 The cook! Where's the cook? 1050 01:05:46,989 --> 01:05:49,199 She's gone! Never said a word. 1051 01:05:49,199 --> 01:05:53,162 10 more seconds! Quickly, sit and join hands! 1052 01:05:55,289 --> 01:05:59,293 Impossible for murder to happen now, without witnesses. 1053 01:05:59,459 --> 01:06:03,463 3... 2... 1 1054 01:06:33,160 --> 01:06:34,870 It's over. 1055 01:06:34,870 --> 01:06:38,874 We're safe and sound. 1056 01:06:41,376 --> 01:06:43,462 That's probably the cook... Come in! 1057 01:06:43,462 --> 01:06:46,590 - Darling, the poor woman is stone deaf. - I'm sorry, I forgot. 1058 01:06:46,590 --> 01:06:49,092 Come in! 1059 01:06:49,092 --> 01:06:53,096 Not sound like cook to me. 1060 01:07:06,193 --> 01:07:09,363 Ah, Mr. Twain. 1061 01:07:09,363 --> 01:07:12,199 You appear to be wrong. 1062 01:07:12,199 --> 01:07:16,161 Nobody here murdered. Please to come in. 1063 01:07:21,875 --> 01:07:23,168 Is he dead? 1064 01:07:23,168 --> 01:07:26,171 With a thing like that in his back, in the long run he's better off. 1065 01:07:26,171 --> 01:07:26,964 Touch nothing! 1066 01:07:26,964 --> 01:07:30,592 Will you stop saying touch nothing? We're all experienced criminologists. 1067 01:07:30,592 --> 01:07:34,596 I find it insulting, debasing and redundant to keep telling us to touch nothing! 1068 01:07:34,763 --> 01:07:37,474 - Oh, be quiet, woman. - Up yours, fella! 1069 01:07:37,474 --> 01:07:41,478 Most amusing! Bickering detectives like making giant lamb soup, 1070 01:07:42,187 --> 01:07:43,772 everything go to pot! 1071 01:07:43,772 --> 01:07:47,776 - Why don't you... - Be quiet... 1072 01:07:48,485 --> 01:07:50,696 All right, all of you. Nobody move! 1073 01:07:50,696 --> 01:07:52,281 Stay where you are, everybody! 1074 01:07:52,281 --> 01:07:53,365 What is it? 1075 01:07:53,365 --> 01:07:57,369 I have to go to the can again. I don't wanna miss nothin'. 1076 01:07:57,369 --> 01:08:01,165 I'm going too, Sam. 1077 01:08:01,165 --> 01:08:05,169 I rather do this alone, Tess. Thanks anyway. 1078 01:08:08,172 --> 01:08:10,674 The cook! 1079 01:08:10,674 --> 01:08:12,092 What, darling? 1080 01:08:12,092 --> 01:08:14,595 Well, it's obvious. The cook murdered him. 1081 01:08:14,595 --> 01:08:17,890 The butler's dead. All the rest of us were in this room, except for her. 1082 01:08:17,890 --> 01:08:20,767 No one else could get in or out, so that only leaves the cook. 1083 01:08:20,767 --> 01:08:22,060 Isn't that right? 1084 01:08:22,060 --> 01:08:23,187 Wrong. 1085 01:08:23,187 --> 01:08:25,564 Oh? What makes you certain of this, Diamond? 1086 01:08:25,564 --> 01:08:29,568 To drive a knife that far a man's back you need a powerful right arm. 1087 01:08:30,068 --> 01:08:33,280 And this arm don't look that strong to me. 1088 01:08:33,280 --> 01:08:34,781 Is that the cook's arm? 1089 01:08:34,781 --> 01:08:37,784 It ain't the pussycat's tail, lady. 1090 01:08:37,784 --> 01:08:40,579 Don't be alarmed, miss. It ain't real. 1091 01:08:40,579 --> 01:08:44,583 For that matter, neither is the cook. 1092 01:08:44,958 --> 01:08:48,962 I found this before I got to the can. 1093 01:08:50,088 --> 01:08:54,092 Another surprise for you folks. 1094 01:08:58,096 --> 01:08:58,764 A mannequin! 1095 01:08:58,764 --> 01:08:59,890 No... 1096 01:08:59,890 --> 01:09:01,600 a dummy. 1097 01:09:01,600 --> 01:09:05,562 Perfect in every detail, with the exception of not being able to make her hear or speak. 1098 01:09:07,064 --> 01:09:10,484 My hats off to the man with the stab in his back. 1099 01:09:10,484 --> 01:09:12,778 Except for the fact that he's dead, he was no dope. 1100 01:09:12,778 --> 01:09:14,363 Nice going, Sam. 1101 01:09:14,363 --> 01:09:18,367 I hope you all realise that someone in this room is a murderer. 1102 01:09:19,368 --> 01:09:21,495 For sake of ladies present, 1103 01:09:21,495 --> 01:09:23,664 may I suggest we all return to drawing room. 1104 01:09:23,664 --> 01:09:26,083 My son will cover up remains of Mr. Twain. 1105 01:09:26,083 --> 01:09:27,876 Why do I do all the dirty work, Pop? 1106 01:09:27,876 --> 01:09:29,795 'Cause your mother not here to do it. 1107 01:09:29,795 --> 01:09:33,799 Come, please. 1108 01:09:45,561 --> 01:09:49,565 - Give me the bottle, Sam. - Excuse me. 1109 01:09:55,696 --> 01:09:57,281 I'm getting a headache, Dicky. 1110 01:09:57,281 --> 01:10:00,492 Isn't there some way of turning off that ridiculous machine? 1111 01:10:00,492 --> 01:10:04,496 Maybe some gadget outside the window. 1112 01:10:08,584 --> 01:10:10,961 I'm sorry, darling. It's raining this time. 1113 01:10:10,961 --> 01:10:13,881 I suggest we get down to business and show the facts. 1114 01:10:13,881 --> 01:10:16,300 It is now 12:30 Sunday morning. 1115 01:10:16,300 --> 01:10:19,261 The doors and windows will automatically open at dawn, 1116 01:10:19,261 --> 01:10:22,264 and one of us here will be 1 million dollars richer, 1117 01:10:22,264 --> 01:10:25,476 and one of us will be going to the gas chamber, to be hung. 1118 01:10:25,476 --> 01:10:27,060 One, monsieur Perrier? 1119 01:10:27,060 --> 01:10:30,063 One or two. We all have associates. 1120 01:10:30,063 --> 01:10:33,358 Why not 4 or 6 or 8? I don't trust any of you. 1121 01:10:33,358 --> 01:10:35,986 Maybe I'm just a patsy being set up to take the fall, 1122 01:10:35,986 --> 01:10:38,489 but I'm not falling for any of this. You understand? 1123 01:10:38,489 --> 01:10:40,699 Not even me, Sam? 1124 01:10:40,699 --> 01:10:44,495 Why don't you fall in love with the Jap kid and get off my back? 1125 01:10:44,495 --> 01:10:46,663 Can we get back to case, please? 1126 01:10:46,663 --> 01:10:50,292 Time is late, and my eyes are getting tired. 1127 01:10:50,292 --> 01:10:52,294 I thought they always look like that. 1128 01:10:52,294 --> 01:10:53,962 Knock it off, Sam! 1129 01:10:53,962 --> 01:10:56,298 I apologise. This case is gettin' on my nerves. 1130 01:10:56,298 --> 01:10:58,592 I'm sorry, (Snydie). 1131 01:10:58,592 --> 01:11:01,678 Thank you. Now then.. Facts, please, facts. 1132 01:11:01,678 --> 01:11:06,682 Mr. Twain predicts murder. Also predicts victim to be at dining table. Correct? 1133 01:11:07,267 --> 01:11:08,560 Correct. 1134 01:11:08,560 --> 01:11:10,979 I'm sorry, darling, this is official. Correct. 1135 01:11:10,979 --> 01:11:15,883 Also predicts murder to take place at midnight. And predicts number of stab wounds. 1136 01:11:16,068 --> 01:11:19,363 How can this be if he not in collaboration with murderer? 1137 01:11:19,363 --> 01:11:21,365 What if Twain did it himself? 1138 01:11:21,365 --> 01:11:25,369 Murdered himself? For what possible reason? 1139 01:11:25,494 --> 01:11:26,870 And how? 1140 01:11:26,870 --> 01:11:29,581 The motive is simple: Ego. 1141 01:11:29,581 --> 01:11:33,585 If we were not to solve this crime, he would indeed be named the world's foremost detective. 1142 01:11:33,794 --> 01:11:37,798 And with an ego like his, the fact that he had to die for it would be a small price to pay. 1143 01:11:38,882 --> 01:11:42,886 As to how.. Any man who can create this chamber of electronic marvels 1144 01:11:43,095 --> 01:11:47,699 could certainly be able to devise a machine that would stab himself in the back 11 or 12 times. 1145 01:11:47,891 --> 01:11:51,895 That was wonderful, darling. I'm so proud of you. Let's go to bed, quickly. 1146 01:11:51,979 --> 01:11:53,772 One moment, please. 1147 01:11:53,772 --> 01:11:56,066 Very interesting theory, Mr. Charleston, 1148 01:11:56,066 --> 01:11:59,987 but you overlook one very important point. 1149 01:11:59,987 --> 01:12:01,196 And that is? 1150 01:12:01,196 --> 01:12:02,573 Is stupid! 1151 01:12:02,573 --> 01:12:06,285 Is most stupid theory I every heard! 1152 01:12:06,285 --> 01:12:07,578 Do you have a better one? 1153 01:12:07,578 --> 01:12:10,080 Oh, yes, much better one. 1154 01:12:10,080 --> 01:12:13,292 You see, I have been doing my homework, Mr. Charleston. 1155 01:12:13,292 --> 01:12:16,086 For example, I have information 1156 01:12:16,086 --> 01:12:18,881 that your wife's portfolio of stocks 1157 01:12:18,881 --> 01:12:22,593 was seriously depleted in latest financial crisis. 1158 01:12:22,593 --> 01:12:25,262 In short, you are flat broke, Mr. Charleston. 1159 01:12:25,262 --> 01:12:27,264 You have been borrowing money for over 2 years, 1160 01:12:27,264 --> 01:12:28,765 at 17% interest, 1161 01:12:28,765 --> 01:12:30,767 from Mr. Lionel Twain. 1162 01:12:30,767 --> 01:12:32,394 Broke? Dicky, is this true? 1163 01:12:32,394 --> 01:12:33,896 I didn't want to tell you now, darling, I was 1164 01:12:33,896 --> 01:12:35,564 saving it for your birthday. 1165 01:12:35,564 --> 01:12:38,066 1 million dollars would buy 1166 01:12:38,066 --> 01:12:39,860 great many tight suits, 1167 01:12:39,860 --> 01:12:41,570 would it not, Mr. Charleston? 1168 01:12:41,570 --> 01:12:42,488 Now, see here, Wang! 1169 01:12:42,488 --> 01:12:43,989 Dead broke, Dicky? 1170 01:12:43,989 --> 01:12:45,199 Almost, darling. 1171 01:12:45,199 --> 01:12:47,284 I have $1.17 and some stamps. 1172 01:12:47,284 --> 01:12:48,785 But I did not murder Lionel Twain. 1173 01:12:48,785 --> 01:12:50,787 Now you do believe that, don't you darling? 1174 01:12:50,787 --> 01:12:53,665 We'll talk. We'll see. 1175 01:12:53,665 --> 01:12:55,459 It could've been any one of you. 1176 01:12:55,459 --> 01:12:58,795 Each and every one of us was out of that dining room at one time or another, 1177 01:12:58,795 --> 01:13:02,466 giving ample opportunity to commit the crime. 1178 01:13:02,466 --> 01:13:06,386 As for motives, there's more than ego and cash involved. 1179 01:13:06,386 --> 01:13:07,971 For example, revenge. 1180 01:13:07,971 --> 01:13:10,098 Meaning what, Mr. Charleston? 1181 01:13:10,098 --> 01:13:14,061 Meaning that I'm not the only one here who's had a past experience with Mr. Twain. 1182 01:13:14,478 --> 01:13:17,689 Did you know that he was quite a lady's man in his day? 1183 01:13:17,689 --> 01:13:19,900 Are you suggesting that someone here... 1184 01:13:19,900 --> 01:13:22,194 Was at one time in love with Lionel Twain! 1185 01:13:22,194 --> 01:13:25,364 As a matter of fact, he was engaged to, and jilted... 1186 01:13:25,364 --> 01:13:28,659 Miss Jessica Marbles! 1187 01:13:28,659 --> 01:13:30,577 Mon Dieu! 1188 01:13:30,577 --> 01:13:33,080 Jesus H. Christ! 1189 01:13:33,080 --> 01:13:35,499 Jilted 54 years ago at the altar. 1190 01:13:35,499 --> 01:13:39,378 Left her there in that same baggy tweed outfit. 1191 01:13:39,378 --> 01:13:40,796 Is this true, Jessie? 1192 01:13:40,796 --> 01:13:44,466 I was not jilted. I walked out on him. 1193 01:13:44,466 --> 01:13:47,261 He wanted to fool around before the wedding. 1194 01:13:47,261 --> 01:13:50,889 And being the lady you are, you refused. 1195 01:13:50,889 --> 01:13:52,391 Not completely. 1196 01:13:52,391 --> 01:13:54,268 But it got out of hand. 1197 01:13:54,268 --> 01:13:56,270 He was horrid, but I didn't kill him. 1198 01:13:56,270 --> 01:13:59,064 That's good enough for me. What about you, Frenchie? 1199 01:13:59,064 --> 01:14:03,068 I'm not a Frenchie! I'm a Belgie! 1200 01:14:03,569 --> 01:14:05,571 I guess there are other motives. 1201 01:14:05,571 --> 01:14:07,698 How about patricide? 1202 01:14:07,698 --> 01:14:10,868 The killing of one's own parent? 1203 01:14:10,868 --> 01:14:14,872 You mean that Lionel Twain was the father of someone in this room? 1204 01:14:14,997 --> 01:14:18,584 He wasn't my father. 1205 01:14:18,584 --> 01:14:21,795 He was my uncle. 1206 01:14:21,795 --> 01:14:25,799 He was very good to me. He would take me to the circus and give me candy. 1207 01:14:26,884 --> 01:14:29,178 We stopped going when I was about... 1208 01:14:29,178 --> 01:14:33,182 26. 1209 01:14:33,182 --> 01:14:34,475 I'm sorry, Sam. 1210 01:14:34,475 --> 01:14:35,893 26! 1211 01:14:35,893 --> 01:14:37,895 What the hell kind of a circus was it? 1212 01:14:37,895 --> 01:14:40,564 Forgive me, but I was talking about patricide. 1213 01:14:40,564 --> 01:14:42,274 Not "unclecide". 1214 01:14:42,274 --> 01:14:44,776 Mr. Twain may have been your uncle, Miss Skeffington, 1215 01:14:44,776 --> 01:14:48,197 but he was the illegitimate father of... 1216 01:14:48,197 --> 01:14:52,159 Mr. Sydney Wang! 1217 01:14:52,784 --> 01:14:54,870 It's not true! 1218 01:14:54,870 --> 01:14:56,497 I was adopted. 1219 01:14:56,497 --> 01:14:58,165 I have my papers. 1220 01:14:58,165 --> 01:15:02,169 That is why I have adopted all my children. 1221 01:15:02,294 --> 01:15:04,880 I was wondering. 1222 01:15:04,880 --> 01:15:08,467 He loved me very much. But he was... 1223 01:15:08,467 --> 01:15:10,385 not very observant. 1224 01:15:10,385 --> 01:15:13,472 One day, when I was 19, 1225 01:15:13,472 --> 01:15:15,390 he called me to his study, 1226 01:15:15,390 --> 01:15:17,893 noticed for first time I was oriental, 1227 01:15:17,893 --> 01:15:19,686 and kicked me out of house! 1228 01:15:19,686 --> 01:15:22,481 - I could have... - Killed him! Mr. Wang. 1229 01:15:22,481 --> 01:15:24,775 As easily as you, Mr. Perrier. 1230 01:15:24,775 --> 01:15:28,487 Lionel Twain killed only thing you ever loved, 1231 01:15:28,487 --> 01:15:32,491 Marie-Louise Cartier. 1232 01:15:44,795 --> 01:15:48,799 Your sweetheart? 1233 01:15:49,299 --> 01:15:52,594 My poodle. 1234 01:15:52,594 --> 01:15:56,098 He was a most cruel man. 1235 01:15:56,098 --> 01:16:00,060 Mr. Twain would come to France every season, 1236 01:16:01,562 --> 01:16:04,690 to hunt poodles. 1237 01:16:04,690 --> 01:16:06,775 The day they brought her 1238 01:16:06,775 --> 01:16:09,987 bloodied sequent collar to me, I vowed one day I would... 1239 01:16:09,987 --> 01:16:10,988 Knock him off? 1240 01:16:10,988 --> 01:16:14,700 Yes, gladly, if I had the chance. 1241 01:16:14,700 --> 01:16:16,785 But I did not. 1242 01:16:16,785 --> 01:16:18,871 Someone here beat me to it. 1243 01:16:18,871 --> 01:16:22,583 So there's more than one reason that we was invited here. 1244 01:16:22,583 --> 01:16:26,295 Not only was Twain testin' our skills as detectives, 1245 01:16:26,295 --> 01:16:29,298 but we all have legitimate motives for doin' the old man in. 1246 01:16:29,298 --> 01:16:32,384 Have not yet heard your motive, Mr. Diamond. 1247 01:16:32,384 --> 01:16:35,262 My motive is unimportant. 1248 01:16:35,262 --> 01:16:38,765 Let's just say that I hated him enough to kill him. 1249 01:16:38,765 --> 01:16:41,393 You are closed man, Mr. Diamond. 1250 01:16:41,393 --> 01:16:43,770 You hide many things. 1251 01:16:43,770 --> 01:16:47,774 Could it be that Mr. Twain discover your secret? 1252 01:16:48,275 --> 01:16:51,487 I dunno what you're talkin' about. 1253 01:16:51,487 --> 01:16:55,491 We know different, do we not, Miss Skeffington. 1254 01:16:58,160 --> 01:17:01,079 Twain picked up Sam in a gay bar. 1255 01:17:01,079 --> 01:17:04,166 I was workin' on a case! Working! 1256 01:17:04,166 --> 01:17:06,585 Every night for 6 months? 1257 01:17:06,585 --> 01:17:10,589 I got 50 bucks a day in expenses! I hate them queeries. 1258 01:17:11,465 --> 01:17:15,469 Twain had Polaroid pictures of Sam in Drag... 1259 01:17:16,470 --> 01:17:20,390 I was in disguise! Lots of dames go in those joints. 1260 01:17:20,390 --> 01:17:22,559 I never kissed nobody. 1261 01:17:22,559 --> 01:17:25,979 And I never did nothin' to a man that I wouldn't do to a woman. 1262 01:17:25,979 --> 01:17:29,983 And I didn't kill Twain. 1263 01:17:31,068 --> 01:17:33,195 Bitch! 1264 01:17:33,195 --> 01:17:35,072 Most interesting. 1265 01:17:35,072 --> 01:17:39,076 All had perfect motives for killing Twain. 1266 01:17:39,076 --> 01:17:43,080 Wonder which one was one who done it? 1267 01:17:43,580 --> 01:17:46,291 We still have the night to get through. 1268 01:17:46,291 --> 01:17:48,460 If any one is going to solve this case, 1269 01:17:48,460 --> 01:17:50,879 I say we all get a good night's sleep. 1270 01:17:50,879 --> 01:17:53,590 And I suggest we all lock our doors. 1271 01:17:53,590 --> 01:17:56,093 One of us is a mad killer, 1272 01:17:56,093 --> 01:18:00,097 not to be trusted. 1273 01:18:39,678 --> 01:18:41,889 Pop? 1274 01:18:41,889 --> 01:18:43,599 Yeah? 1275 01:18:43,599 --> 01:18:46,185 Who do you think is the murderer? 1276 01:18:46,185 --> 01:18:48,187 Must sleep on it. 1277 01:18:48,187 --> 01:18:51,690 Will know in morning when wake up. 1278 01:18:51,690 --> 01:18:53,984 What if you don't wake up? 1279 01:18:53,984 --> 01:18:56,278 Then you dead. 1280 01:18:56,278 --> 01:18:59,781 Go sleep, please. 1281 01:18:59,781 --> 01:19:00,991 Good night, dad. 1282 01:19:00,991 --> 01:19:04,995 Shut up, adopted pussycat. 1283 01:19:11,960 --> 01:19:15,964 Shall I turn off the steam, Pop? 1284 01:19:16,381 --> 01:19:18,884 Not steam. 1285 01:19:18,884 --> 01:19:19,885 Someone just put... 1286 01:19:19,885 --> 01:19:22,679 deadly snake in room. 1287 01:19:22,679 --> 01:19:26,683 Wake me when it come near bed. 1288 01:19:28,894 --> 01:19:32,397 I want you to know, Dicky darling, that if you're the murderer, 1289 01:19:32,397 --> 01:19:34,191 I'll still love you. 1290 01:19:34,191 --> 01:19:36,693 I don't think it would be right for us to make love. 1291 01:19:36,693 --> 01:19:38,570 But I'd still love you. 1292 01:19:38,570 --> 01:19:41,281 No fear of that, my pet. 1293 01:19:41,281 --> 01:19:42,574 Now let's see what we have here. 1294 01:19:42,574 --> 01:19:46,286 We have one missing, dead, naked butler, 1295 01:19:46,286 --> 01:19:49,289 one host with a butcher's knife in his back, 1296 01:19:49,289 --> 01:19:52,376 and one poisonous scorpion crawling up our sheets. 1297 01:19:52,376 --> 01:19:53,669 Is that what that is? 1298 01:19:53,669 --> 01:19:55,671 Yes, they can kill instantly. 1299 01:19:55,671 --> 01:19:58,966 I suggest we don't move. 1300 01:19:58,966 --> 01:20:00,467 For how long? 1301 01:20:00,467 --> 01:20:04,471 Quite possibly for the rest of our lives. 1302 01:20:07,599 --> 01:20:11,395 Good heavens! I know who the murderer is! 1303 01:20:11,395 --> 01:20:12,896 Solvie-poo? 1304 01:20:12,896 --> 01:20:16,775 Yes, Miss Withers, the murderer is... 1305 01:20:16,775 --> 01:20:18,360 Good God, gas! 1306 01:20:18,360 --> 01:20:21,363 I am sorry, I can't help it, I'm old. 1307 01:20:21,363 --> 01:20:23,866 No, no. The other kind of gas. 1308 01:20:23,866 --> 01:20:25,784 The kind that kills. 1309 01:20:25,784 --> 01:20:27,286 Sometimes my gas... 1310 01:20:27,286 --> 01:20:31,290 It's seeping in through the vent. 1311 01:20:40,090 --> 01:20:42,468 It's locked from the outside. 1312 01:20:42,468 --> 01:20:43,969 Help! 1313 01:20:43,969 --> 01:20:47,973 It doesn't smell that bad to me. 1314 01:20:47,973 --> 01:20:51,977 Help! 1315 01:21:02,362 --> 01:21:06,283 Did I do right, Sam? Telling them about the gay bar? 1316 01:21:06,283 --> 01:21:10,162 Perfect, sweetheart. They took the bait like a dumb (alabit). 1317 01:21:10,162 --> 01:21:12,080 Let them think I'm a panty. 1318 01:21:12,080 --> 01:21:16,084 While they're busy suspecting me, one of them is gonna let his pants down. 1319 01:21:18,086 --> 01:21:22,090 Sam, why do you keep all those naked muscle-men magazines in your office? 1320 01:21:22,382 --> 01:21:23,759 Suspects... 1321 01:21:23,759 --> 01:21:27,095 Always lookin' for suspects. 1322 01:21:27,095 --> 01:21:31,099 What's that tickin' sound I hear? 1323 01:21:37,481 --> 01:21:40,275 That tickin' sound you hear, Mr. Diamond, is a bomb in your room 1324 01:21:40,275 --> 01:21:42,986 that will go off in 30 seconds. Signed: The murderer. 1325 01:21:42,986 --> 01:21:44,279 Quick, Sam, the door! 1326 01:21:44,279 --> 01:21:48,283 PS: The door is locked. 1327 01:21:53,872 --> 01:21:56,667 I'm sorry about this, Tess. 1328 01:21:56,667 --> 01:21:59,378 And me owing you all that money, too. 1329 01:21:59,378 --> 01:22:01,463 That's all right, Sam. What are we gonna do? 1330 01:22:01,463 --> 01:22:03,465 I got an idea! 1331 01:22:03,465 --> 01:22:05,592 I don't know whether this is gonna work or not. 1332 01:22:05,592 --> 01:22:07,261 Quick, turn around! 1333 01:22:07,261 --> 01:22:08,387 I'm turned, Sam. 1334 01:22:08,387 --> 01:22:09,763 Whatever you do, baby, don't turn back. 1335 01:22:09,763 --> 01:22:11,974 - But, Sam, if anything... - Do as I say, Angel. 1336 01:22:11,974 --> 01:22:13,976 - I will, Sam. - Good 1337 01:22:13,976 --> 01:22:15,185 'Cause I think... 1338 01:22:15,185 --> 01:22:19,189 I'm gonna cry. 1339 01:22:32,077 --> 01:22:34,079 What are you doing in my bed? 1340 01:22:34,079 --> 01:22:35,873 Well, there's no place else to sleep, Monsieur. 1341 01:22:35,873 --> 01:22:38,375 Sleep in the car, you chauffeur, you. Go, go! 1342 01:22:38,375 --> 01:22:39,960 Oh, you aren't fair. 1343 01:22:39,960 --> 01:22:41,670 I will tell everyone that you wear a toupee. 1344 01:22:41,670 --> 01:22:42,796 They already know. 1345 01:22:42,796 --> 01:22:44,464 Then why do you wear it? 1346 01:22:44,464 --> 01:22:46,300 I didn't know that you knew. 1347 01:22:46,300 --> 01:22:48,469 Certainly I know. 1348 01:22:48,469 --> 01:22:52,473 Your terrible toupee. 1349 01:22:53,098 --> 01:22:55,476 A bomb! Across the hall. 1350 01:22:55,476 --> 01:22:59,480 Quickly, the door! The door! 1351 01:23:03,984 --> 01:23:06,695 It's locked! From the outside. 1352 01:23:06,695 --> 01:23:08,697 You look taller to me. 1353 01:23:08,697 --> 01:23:10,282 Why is that? 1354 01:23:10,282 --> 01:23:13,494 I don't understand, Monsieur, I'm not getting taller! 1355 01:23:13,494 --> 01:23:16,872 If you are not getting taller, there is only one alternative... 1356 01:23:16,872 --> 01:23:20,375 the room is getting shorter! 1357 01:23:20,375 --> 01:23:24,379 Oh, mon dieu! The ceiling is coming down! 1358 01:23:34,181 --> 01:23:36,767 - What do we do? - I don't know! 1359 01:23:36,767 --> 01:23:40,771 But... this is exactly how they make goose liver path�! 1360 01:24:13,178 --> 01:24:17,182 Not so fast, please. Do not cross out Wang name. 1361 01:24:18,100 --> 01:24:21,478 Cross out snake instead. 1362 01:24:21,478 --> 01:24:23,272 Nice shot, Pop. 1363 01:24:23,272 --> 01:24:26,275 Sure wish you weren't such a heavy sleeper. 1364 01:24:26,275 --> 01:24:28,861 And now... 1365 01:24:28,861 --> 01:24:31,280 if you please... 1366 01:24:31,280 --> 01:24:33,574 1 million dollars, 1367 01:24:33,574 --> 01:24:36,368 Mr. Bensonmum. 1368 01:24:36,368 --> 01:24:39,288 Banzai, Pop! 1369 01:24:39,288 --> 01:24:41,582 Very clever of you, Mr. Wang. 1370 01:24:41,582 --> 01:24:44,084 Oh, yes. As you can see... 1371 01:24:44,084 --> 01:24:46,461 I can see. 1372 01:24:46,461 --> 01:24:48,589 So I see. 1373 01:24:48,589 --> 01:24:52,593 Tell me, as the only survivor, how did you deduce it was me? 1374 01:24:53,385 --> 01:24:57,389 Went back to theory seldom used today. 1375 01:24:58,265 --> 01:25:01,393 "Butler did it". 1376 01:25:01,393 --> 01:25:03,562 Oh, I hadn't thought of that. 1377 01:25:03,562 --> 01:25:07,399 But how do you account for my dead body in the kitchen? 1378 01:25:07,399 --> 01:25:11,361 Body made of plastic. Same as plastic cook. 1379 01:25:11,695 --> 01:25:15,073 While we examine plastic butler, 1380 01:25:15,073 --> 01:25:18,368 you murder Lionel Twain. 1381 01:25:18,368 --> 01:25:21,371 You're a clever little laundry man, Mr. Wang. 1382 01:25:21,371 --> 01:25:24,166 But not quite clever enough. 1383 01:25:24,166 --> 01:25:28,170 I'll take that 1 million dollars, Bensonmum. 1384 01:25:28,795 --> 01:25:32,382 Alias Irving Goldman! 1385 01:25:32,382 --> 01:25:34,968 Irving Goldman? 1386 01:25:34,968 --> 01:25:35,969 Yes, 1387 01:25:35,969 --> 01:25:39,973 Irving Goldman was the attorney of the late Lionel Twain. 1388 01:25:40,682 --> 01:25:42,976 Lionel Twain died 5 years ago. 1389 01:25:42,976 --> 01:25:46,980 His body was recently discovered in Goldman's filing cabinet. 1390 01:25:47,064 --> 01:25:50,192 Am I correct, Mr. Goldman? 1391 01:25:50,192 --> 01:25:53,487 Yes. Correct, Miss Marbles. 1392 01:25:53,487 --> 01:25:56,865 But how did you escape the poison gas? 1393 01:25:56,865 --> 01:25:58,867 Quite simple. I covered my mouth, 1394 01:25:58,867 --> 01:26:02,788 and let Miss Withers here breathe in all the gas. 1395 01:26:02,788 --> 01:26:04,289 Oh, Sicky-poo... 1396 01:26:04,289 --> 01:26:06,083 Yes, dear, I know. 1397 01:26:06,083 --> 01:26:08,168 The million dollars, please. 1398 01:26:08,168 --> 01:26:10,170 I wouldn't if I were you, Goldman. 1399 01:26:10,170 --> 01:26:11,672 Or is it Goldman? 1400 01:26:11,672 --> 01:26:15,676 Actually it's Mr. Marvin Metzner. 1401 01:26:16,468 --> 01:26:19,596 Marvin Metzner? 1402 01:26:19,596 --> 01:26:22,891 Very good Mr. Charleston. 1403 01:26:22,891 --> 01:26:25,185 But how did you know? 1404 01:26:25,185 --> 01:26:27,688 The bill in the dead butler's hand, 1405 01:26:27,688 --> 01:26:30,274 stating that the entire weekend had been catered. 1406 01:26:30,274 --> 01:26:32,568 Only an accountant would have held onto a thing like that. 1407 01:26:32,568 --> 01:26:35,195 - Dicky, get the money and let's go. - Give me another second. 1408 01:26:35,195 --> 01:26:37,865 Goldman was killed last month while skiing. 1409 01:26:37,865 --> 01:26:40,993 He jumped 60 metres into a low-flying plane. 1410 01:26:40,993 --> 01:26:42,995 Dicky, I can't wait much longer. 1411 01:26:42,995 --> 01:26:46,874 You've not lost your touch, Mr. Charleston. 1412 01:26:46,874 --> 01:26:49,877 But how did you elude the deadly scorpion? 1413 01:26:49,877 --> 01:26:50,669 Oh, we didn't. 1414 01:26:50,669 --> 01:26:52,171 He stung Dora. 1415 01:26:52,171 --> 01:26:53,881 We have 15 minutes to get to the doctor. 1416 01:26:53,881 --> 01:26:57,176 - Could you explain later, Dicky? Let's go now. - We'll make it, darling. Never fear. 1417 01:26:57,176 --> 01:26:58,594 The prize money, Mr. Metzner? 1418 01:26:58,594 --> 01:27:01,096 Belong to me, Messieurs. 1419 01:27:01,096 --> 01:27:04,475 Marcel, being one of the world's strongest men, 1420 01:27:04,475 --> 01:27:06,477 stopped your ceiling from crushing us, 1421 01:27:06,477 --> 01:27:09,396 and forfeit 13 cm. 1422 01:27:09,396 --> 01:27:13,358 It may be months before we are able to straighten up again, 1423 01:27:13,358 --> 01:27:17,362 but a million dollars will buy a lot of back braces. 1424 01:27:18,071 --> 01:27:20,073 Eh? 1425 01:27:20,073 --> 01:27:24,077 Miss Eileen Twain? Daughter of Lionel? 1426 01:27:24,870 --> 01:27:27,581 What? 1427 01:27:27,581 --> 01:27:31,585 I prefer to be called Rita. 1428 01:27:33,086 --> 01:27:34,796 But how did you know? 1429 01:27:34,796 --> 01:27:38,759 Never underestimate a Frenchman�s nostrils, Miss Twain. 1430 01:27:38,967 --> 01:27:41,178 At dinner tonight... 1431 01:27:41,178 --> 01:27:43,972 I smelled your Chanel No. 5. 1432 01:27:43,972 --> 01:27:46,391 It was you who did away with all of them: 1433 01:27:46,391 --> 01:27:50,395 Metzner, Goldman, and your father. 1434 01:27:50,395 --> 01:27:52,189 In fact, if you had your way 1435 01:27:52,189 --> 01:27:54,274 you would do away with all men. 1436 01:27:54,274 --> 01:27:56,068 Would you not, Miss Twain? 1437 01:27:56,068 --> 01:27:59,780 Men who have made you ashamed and made you suffer, 1438 01:27:59,780 --> 01:28:03,659 because you were born with brains, talent, money, 1439 01:28:03,659 --> 01:28:06,662 everything but that which you most desired... 1440 01:28:06,662 --> 01:28:08,997 beauty. 1441 01:28:08,997 --> 01:28:11,500 It is a statement of fact, Miss Twain, 1442 01:28:11,500 --> 01:28:13,168 that as a man you are very passable, 1443 01:28:13,168 --> 01:28:15,462 but as a woman... 1444 01:28:15,462 --> 01:28:17,798 you are a dog! 1445 01:28:17,798 --> 01:28:19,800 That's your opinion... 1446 01:28:19,800 --> 01:28:23,262 big boy. 1447 01:28:23,262 --> 01:28:25,097 And now my money, please. 1448 01:28:25,097 --> 01:28:27,391 With luck, I can still make dinner 1449 01:28:27,391 --> 01:28:29,560 at Maxim's. 1450 01:28:29,560 --> 01:28:32,187 If I were you I'd just order a tuna fish sandwich 1451 01:28:32,187 --> 01:28:34,565 because that dough belongs to me. 1452 01:28:34,565 --> 01:28:36,984 That's right, I'm alive and kicking. 1453 01:28:36,984 --> 01:28:39,570 Miss Skeffington here dropped your bomb down the john. 1454 01:28:39,570 --> 01:28:41,697 It blew up just as she flushed. 1455 01:28:41,697 --> 01:28:45,659 The seat missed her head by an inch. 1456 01:28:45,868 --> 01:28:47,995 All right, J.J. 1457 01:28:47,995 --> 01:28:51,999 J.J.? 1458 01:28:52,583 --> 01:28:56,587 That's right, folks, he outsmarted us all. 1459 01:28:56,962 --> 01:29:00,966 Sitting behind that desk is the real Sam Diamond. 1460 01:29:01,091 --> 01:29:02,759 My name is Lumis. 1461 01:29:02,759 --> 01:29:06,180 J.J. Lumis. I'm an actor. I do impressions. 1462 01:29:06,180 --> 01:29:10,184 I did the Carson show 6 times last year. 1463 01:29:10,184 --> 01:29:12,394 Diamond hired me for the weekend. 1464 01:29:12,394 --> 01:29:14,897 Miss Skeffington here is actually Wilma Norman. 1465 01:29:14,897 --> 01:29:18,192 She's a cocktail waitress at the Waterbed Motel in Carmel. 1466 01:29:18,192 --> 01:29:20,861 - Hi - Hello 1467 01:29:20,861 --> 01:29:22,988 Diamond hated all of you. 1468 01:29:22,988 --> 01:29:26,992 You were all getting the big money and he had that crummy little office in San Francisco. 1469 01:29:27,493 --> 01:29:30,996 If he proved that he was No 1, he'd get all your rich clients. 1470 01:29:30,996 --> 01:29:34,958 But since I put all the pieces together, 1471 01:29:35,292 --> 01:29:39,296 I figure that money belongs to me. 1472 01:29:40,172 --> 01:29:44,176 Isn't that right, Mr. Diamond? 1473 01:29:45,093 --> 01:29:47,971 Wrong. 1474 01:29:47,971 --> 01:29:51,099 That would have been so obvious, a child could have guessed it. 1475 01:29:51,099 --> 01:29:52,267 No, my dear colleagues, 1476 01:29:52,267 --> 01:29:56,271 what you all seem to overlook is the most simple and direct solution. 1477 01:29:57,064 --> 01:29:59,066 That I am indeed, 1478 01:29:59,066 --> 01:30:03,070 Lionel Twain. 1479 01:30:04,988 --> 01:30:08,992 You've all been so clever for so long, 1480 01:30:08,992 --> 01:30:11,578 you've forgotten to be humble. 1481 01:30:11,578 --> 01:30:14,998 You tricked and fooled your readers for years. 1482 01:30:14,998 --> 01:30:18,794 You've tortured us all with surprise endings that made no sense. 1483 01:30:18,794 --> 01:30:21,672 You've introduced characters in the last 5 pages 1484 01:30:21,672 --> 01:30:24,800 that were never in the book before. 1485 01:30:24,800 --> 01:30:28,178 You've withheld clues and information, 1486 01:30:28,178 --> 01:30:32,099 that made it impossible for us to guess who did it. 1487 01:30:32,099 --> 01:30:36,061 But now, the tables are turned. 1488 01:30:36,478 --> 01:30:39,773 Millions of angry mystery readers 1489 01:30:39,773 --> 01:30:43,277 are now getting their revenge. 1490 01:30:43,277 --> 01:30:46,864 When the world learns I've outsmarted you, 1491 01:30:46,864 --> 01:30:50,868 they'll be selling your $1.95 books for 12 cents. 1492 01:30:51,493 --> 01:30:54,580 It's checkout time, ladies and gentlemen. 1493 01:30:54,580 --> 01:30:58,292 I have your bills ready. 1494 01:30:58,292 --> 01:31:02,296 Credit cards will be accepted. 1495 01:31:21,773 --> 01:31:23,984 Then even the scorpion was a fake? 1496 01:31:23,984 --> 01:31:26,361 Everything. The bridge, the maid. 1497 01:31:26,361 --> 01:31:29,072 But you're sure about the scorpion? 1498 01:31:29,072 --> 01:31:31,074 Positive. Even the fog, 1499 01:31:31,074 --> 01:31:33,076 he made that with a dry ice machine. 1500 01:31:33,076 --> 01:31:34,369 See for yourself. 1501 01:31:34,369 --> 01:31:38,373 How awfully unromantic. 1502 01:31:42,669 --> 01:31:46,298 Then if he really was Lionel Twain, you must really be... 1503 01:31:46,298 --> 01:31:48,467 Sam Diamond! 1504 01:31:48,467 --> 01:31:50,385 That's right, baby. 1505 01:31:50,385 --> 01:31:53,180 I was in disguise, in disguise, in disguise. 1506 01:31:53,180 --> 01:31:56,099 You work hard for 50 bucks a day in this racket. 1507 01:31:56,099 --> 01:31:59,895 I guess that means we won't be seeing each other again, Sam. 1508 01:31:59,895 --> 01:32:03,899 Well, that depends. I'll be around if you need me. 1509 01:32:03,982 --> 01:32:07,861 All you gotta do is whistle. 1510 01:32:07,861 --> 01:32:10,364 You know how to whistle, don't you baby? 1511 01:32:10,364 --> 01:32:13,992 - Certainly, what'd you mean? I don't understand... - Forget it 1512 01:32:13,992 --> 01:32:17,996 You ruined it. 1513 01:32:19,289 --> 01:32:22,292 I don't understand, Pop. Was there a murder or wasn't there? 1514 01:32:22,292 --> 01:32:23,293 Yes. 1515 01:32:23,293 --> 01:32:27,297 Killed good weekend. Drive please. 1516 01:33:03,792 --> 01:33:07,796 Subtitles by H. Debs.