1 00:00:39,950 --> 00:00:41,326 Hello. 2 00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:44,847 I am Andy. 3 00:00:45,134 --> 00:00:49,423 And I would like to thank you for coming to my movie. 4 00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:54,127 I wish it was better, you know... 5 00:00:54,319 --> 00:00:58,702 ...but it is so stupid. It's terrible. 6 00:00:58,894 --> 00:01:01,134 I do not even like it. 7 00:01:01,710 --> 00:01:04,334 All of the most important things in my life... 8 00:01:04,526 --> 00:01:06,734 ...are changed around and mixed up... 9 00:01:10,350 --> 00:01:13,422 ...for dramatic purposes. 10 00:01:14,703 --> 00:01:15,695 So... 11 00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:21,615 ...I decided to cut out all of the bologna. 12 00:01:23,535 --> 00:01:27,664 Now the movie is much shorter. 13 00:01:31,182 --> 00:01:35,631 In fact, this is the end of the movie. 14 00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,854 Thank you very much. 15 00:01:49,167 --> 00:01:52,431 I am not fooling. Goodbye. 16 00:01:53,872 --> 00:01:54,960 Go. 17 00:03:48,432 --> 00:03:50,064 You're still here. 18 00:03:50,576 --> 00:03:52,240 Okay! 19 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,257 I hope you're not upset. 20 00:03:54,448 --> 00:03:58,097 I did that to get rid of those folks who wouldn't understand me... 21 00:03:58,289 --> 00:04:00,560 ...and don't even want to try! 22 00:04:00,752 --> 00:04:03,761 Actually, the movie is really great. 23 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:08,049 It's filled with colorful characters, like the one I just did... 24 00:04:08,241 --> 00:04:10,161 ...and the one I'm doing now. 25 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,593 Our story begins... 26 00:04:15,921 --> 00:04:18,416 ...back in Great Neck, Long Island. 27 00:04:22,545 --> 00:04:24,177 This is our house. 28 00:04:24,657 --> 00:04:26,672 And that's my father's old car. 29 00:04:27,216 --> 00:04:28,848 That's my father. 30 00:04:29,105 --> 00:04:30,801 That's my little brother, Michael. 31 00:04:31,217 --> 00:04:34,321 That's my little sister, Carol. And that's my mom. 32 00:04:34,513 --> 00:04:35,729 Janice? 33 00:04:36,689 --> 00:04:38,289 Andy's up in his room? 34 00:04:39,057 --> 00:04:40,017 Yeah. 35 00:04:45,842 --> 00:04:48,690 Mr. Bear is saying that Mrs. Cat made his head fall off. 36 00:04:48,882 --> 00:04:52,817 And Mrs. Bear is saying she saw it, and it's not true. 37 00:04:53,009 --> 00:04:56,401 Today's special guest: Mr. Bear. What's up, Mr. Bear? 38 00:04:56,593 --> 00:04:57,777 Andy? 39 00:05:04,274 --> 00:05:07,697 Son, this has got to stop. 40 00:05:08,114 --> 00:05:10,194 Our house is not a television station. 41 00:05:10,386 --> 00:05:12,722 There's not a camera in that wall. 42 00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:15,858 It isn't healthy. You should be outside, playing sports. 43 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,098 But I have my own sports show. 44 00:05:19,346 --> 00:05:20,946 Andy, that's not what I meant. 45 00:05:21,234 --> 00:05:24,178 I'm gonna put my foot down. No more playing alone. 46 00:05:24,370 --> 00:05:26,897 You want to perform, you've got to have an audience. 47 00:05:27,089 --> 00:05:28,209 They're right there! 48 00:05:28,401 --> 00:05:30,865 That is not an audience. That is plaster. 49 00:05:31,057 --> 00:05:35,793 An audience is made of people. People who live and breathe. 50 00:05:44,370 --> 00:05:47,346 Andy Kaufman and Howdy Doody present: 51 00:05:47,538 --> 00:05:49,298 "The Animal Song"! 52 00:05:50,002 --> 00:05:53,746 Now, I'll say the animal, then you tell me what it says, okay? 53 00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:54,898 Okay. 54 00:05:56,595 --> 00:05:58,513 The cow goes 55 00:05:58,706 --> 00:05:59,666 Moo. 56 00:05:59,857 --> 00:06:02,194 And the cat goes 57 00:06:02,386 --> 00:06:04,818 Meow, meow. 58 00:06:05,042 --> 00:06:07,186 And the bird goes 59 00:06:09,138 --> 00:06:11,282 -Tweet, tweet. -Tweet, tweet. 60 00:06:12,146 --> 00:06:14,258 And the lion goes 61 00:06:14,994 --> 00:06:16,786 Roar! 62 00:06:17,362 --> 00:06:19,826 -And the dog goes -Ruff. 63 00:06:20,018 --> 00:06:22,802 -And the cat goes -Meow. 64 00:06:22,994 --> 00:06:25,779 -And the bird goes -Tweet. 65 00:06:25,971 --> 00:06:28,531 -And the pig goes -Oink. 66 00:06:28,979 --> 00:06:33,522 And that's the way it goes 67 00:06:34,706 --> 00:06:38,290 The comedy stylings of Andy Kaufman, ladies and gentlemen. 68 00:06:40,946 --> 00:06:43,762 So, Mr. Besserman, same spot tomorrow? 69 00:06:44,370 --> 00:06:47,346 I don't know, Andy. I think I have to let you go. 70 00:06:50,931 --> 00:06:52,755 You're firing me? 71 00:06:54,099 --> 00:06:56,339 You don't even pay me. 72 00:06:56,531 --> 00:06:59,731 I don't want to be insulting, but your act is like amateur hour. 73 00:06:59,923 --> 00:07:01,683 Sing-alongs for 6-year-olds... 74 00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:05,011 ...puppets that aren't funny, playing records...? 75 00:07:05,363 --> 00:07:07,794 But it's original. No one's ever done it. 76 00:07:07,986 --> 00:07:09,330 I'm not like everyone else. 77 00:07:09,522 --> 00:07:11,954 Everybody else gets this place cooking. 78 00:07:12,146 --> 00:07:13,619 I thought it was cooking. 79 00:07:13,810 --> 00:07:15,251 There was a man really upset. 80 00:07:15,442 --> 00:07:18,323 He stormed out, and other people left during your act. 81 00:07:18,515 --> 00:07:20,115 I can't sell booze to people who-- 82 00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,971 It's about booze. Not comedy, not art? 83 00:07:22,163 --> 00:07:25,875 I can't sell booze when you're singing "Pop Goes the Weasel." 84 00:07:26,643 --> 00:07:28,979 I'm running a business. It's show business. 85 00:07:29,171 --> 00:07:30,707 Show. Business. 86 00:07:30,899 --> 00:07:32,595 Show. Business. 87 00:07:32,787 --> 00:07:34,675 Without the business, there's no show. 88 00:07:34,963 --> 00:07:36,371 And there's no show for you. 89 00:07:36,564 --> 00:07:38,930 What should I do? "Take my wife, please"? 90 00:07:39,122 --> 00:07:41,746 Yeah, at least it's a joke. Try some jokes. 91 00:07:41,939 --> 00:07:44,723 Like, "Why did the Siamese twins go to England?" 92 00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:47,155 I don't know. Why'd they go to England? 93 00:07:47,539 --> 00:07:49,587 So the other one could drive. 94 00:07:52,403 --> 00:07:55,892 Why doesn't the other one just learn how to drive? 95 00:07:57,075 --> 00:08:00,724 Maybe that one isn't for you. Do jokes about traffic. Do impressions. 96 00:08:00,916 --> 00:08:02,739 Maybe some blue material. 97 00:08:31,988 --> 00:08:34,292 Thank you very much. Good night! 98 00:08:58,964 --> 00:09:00,084 Now? 99 00:09:00,596 --> 00:09:01,684 Now? 100 00:09:02,740 --> 00:09:03,796 Thank you very much. 101 00:09:08,596 --> 00:09:10,868 One thing I do not like... 102 00:09:11,412 --> 00:09:13,396 ...is too much traffic. 103 00:09:14,133 --> 00:09:15,541 You know? 104 00:09:17,525 --> 00:09:21,652 Tonight I had to come from... 105 00:09:26,548 --> 00:09:30,548 And the freeway, it was so much traffic. 106 00:09:32,884 --> 00:09:35,861 It took me an hour and a half to get here. 107 00:09:41,237 --> 00:09:44,021 Talking about the terrible things... 108 00:09:44,853 --> 00:09:48,917 ...my wife, take my wife. Please take her! 109 00:09:51,573 --> 00:09:55,285 No. No. I am only fooling. 110 00:10:00,884 --> 00:10:05,493 I love my wife. But she don't know how to cook. 111 00:10:06,197 --> 00:10:10,261 Her cooking is so bad. It's terrible. 112 00:10:11,797 --> 00:10:14,517 Now I would like to... 113 00:10:14,709 --> 00:10:17,173 ...I would like to do for you... 114 00:10:17,365 --> 00:10:19,413 ...the imitations. 115 00:10:19,637 --> 00:10:21,269 I would like to start with... 116 00:10:23,030 --> 00:10:24,949 ...the Jimmy Carter. 117 00:10:25,141 --> 00:10:27,668 The president of the United States. 118 00:10:32,021 --> 00:10:32,981 Hello. 119 00:10:33,877 --> 00:10:38,517 I am Jimmy Carter, the president of the United States. 120 00:10:46,069 --> 00:10:47,893 Thank you very much. 121 00:10:52,597 --> 00:10:55,190 And now I would like to do for you... 122 00:10:59,030 --> 00:11:00,341 ...the Elvis Presley. 123 00:12:11,670 --> 00:12:14,326 Well, it's one for the money Two for the show 124 00:12:14,518 --> 00:12:16,758 Three to get ready Now go, cat, go 125 00:12:16,950 --> 00:12:19,638 Now don't you Step on my blue suede shoes 126 00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:25,271 Well, you can do anything But lay off of my blue suede shoes 127 00:12:25,686 --> 00:12:27,318 Let's go, cat 128 00:12:31,607 --> 00:12:33,943 Budd, what's the story with this guy? 129 00:12:34,135 --> 00:12:36,183 I think he's from Lithuania. 130 00:12:36,503 --> 00:12:38,871 Blue, blue Blue suede shoes, baby 131 00:12:39,063 --> 00:12:41,302 Blue, blue Blue suede shoes, woman 132 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,702 Blue, blue Blue suede shoes, baby 133 00:12:43,894 --> 00:12:45,526 Blue, blue Blue suede shoes 134 00:12:45,718 --> 00:12:48,886 You can do anything But lay off of my blue suede shoes 135 00:12:50,678 --> 00:12:52,151 Well, we were dancing 136 00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:55,895 We were dancing 137 00:12:56,087 --> 00:12:58,998 To the jailhouse rock 138 00:13:01,398 --> 00:13:02,743 All right! 139 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,671 Thank you very much. 140 00:13:29,239 --> 00:13:31,447 Hey, I really enjoyed your set. 141 00:13:31,639 --> 00:13:33,239 Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. 142 00:13:33,431 --> 00:13:35,383 I really liked what you did out there. 143 00:13:35,575 --> 00:13:36,983 Thank you very much. 144 00:13:39,479 --> 00:13:42,039 So I understand you're from Lithuania. 145 00:13:42,231 --> 00:13:46,232 No. I am from Caspiar. 146 00:13:47,991 --> 00:13:49,047 Caspiar, huh? 147 00:13:49,303 --> 00:13:53,655 It is a very small island in the Caspian Sea. 148 00:13:54,071 --> 00:13:55,191 It sunk. 149 00:13:56,855 --> 00:13:58,519 Oh, I'm sorry. 150 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:00,759 Well, look... 151 00:14:01,143 --> 00:14:04,568 ...I'm probably out of my mind, but I think you're very interesting. 152 00:14:04,759 --> 00:14:08,184 If you ever need representation, we should talk. 153 00:14:08,376 --> 00:14:09,912 Okay. 154 00:14:11,928 --> 00:14:13,464 "George Shapiro." 155 00:14:13,752 --> 00:14:15,192 Mr. Shapiro! 156 00:14:18,712 --> 00:14:20,568 It is an honor, sir. 157 00:14:20,824 --> 00:14:22,167 Caspiar, huh? 158 00:14:22,615 --> 00:14:25,112 I want to be the biggest star in the world. 159 00:14:26,455 --> 00:14:28,184 Well, people love comedians. 160 00:14:28,376 --> 00:14:31,768 I'm not a comedian. I don't do jokes. I don't even know what's funny. 161 00:14:31,959 --> 00:14:34,679 I'm a song-and-dance man. 162 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:36,472 Thank you. 163 00:14:36,664 --> 00:14:38,872 I particularly suggest the lotus root. 164 00:14:51,097 --> 00:14:55,160 You, you know, you show a lot of promise. 165 00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:58,071 My concern is I don't know where to book you. 166 00:14:58,263 --> 00:15:00,440 You're not a standup... 167 00:15:01,432 --> 00:15:04,952 ...and your act doesn't exactly translate itself to film. 168 00:15:11,928 --> 00:15:14,616 So help me. Where do you see yourself? 169 00:15:15,033 --> 00:15:18,553 Well, I've always wanted to play Carnegie Hall. 170 00:15:20,281 --> 00:15:21,817 That's funny. 171 00:15:25,561 --> 00:15:28,121 See, I don't want to go for cheap laughs. 172 00:15:28,824 --> 00:15:30,008 I want gut reactions. 173 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,792 I want the audience to have gone through an experience. 174 00:15:32,984 --> 00:15:35,544 They love me, they hate me, they walk out. 175 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,240 It's all great. 176 00:15:37,432 --> 00:15:39,576 Andy, you got a little something. 177 00:15:45,273 --> 00:15:48,249 When I'm famous, I'm gonna sell these. 178 00:15:48,441 --> 00:15:50,329 "As worn by Andy Kaufman." 179 00:15:50,681 --> 00:15:53,593 You can have this one. It'll be worth a lot. 180 00:15:53,785 --> 00:15:55,833 Because it was actually up my nose. 181 00:15:57,177 --> 00:15:59,513 You're insane. 182 00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,568 But you might also be brilliant. 183 00:16:07,288 --> 00:16:09,465 Hello. George Shapiro here. 184 00:16:10,617 --> 00:16:12,313 Is this George Shapiro? 185 00:16:12,664 --> 00:16:13,817 Yeah, speaking. 186 00:16:14,009 --> 00:16:17,305 Speaking! Reeking, seeking, creaking. Freaking! 187 00:16:17,497 --> 00:16:18,969 Big freaking deal! 188 00:16:19,161 --> 00:16:20,953 Tell me something I don't know, toadstool! 189 00:16:21,145 --> 00:16:22,425 Can I help you? 190 00:16:22,617 --> 00:16:25,945 You can stay away from Andy Kaufman, if you know what's good for you! 191 00:16:26,138 --> 00:16:27,193 Crankshaft! 192 00:16:27,385 --> 00:16:28,346 Who is this? 193 00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:31,194 Do not twist my noodle, toy poodle. 194 00:16:31,386 --> 00:16:34,874 This is Tony Clifton! A name to respect! A name to fear! 195 00:16:35,065 --> 00:16:38,937 And Kaufman is a lying bastard! He is a psychopath! 196 00:16:39,161 --> 00:16:43,129 Now slowly open your eyes. 197 00:16:44,441 --> 00:16:48,121 You should feel rested, relaxed and alert. 198 00:16:50,329 --> 00:16:53,209 I would like to thank you, Your Holiness. 199 00:16:54,650 --> 00:16:58,586 My heart is radiating pure energy. 200 00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:03,130 Oh, no, wait. Wait. 201 00:17:03,322 --> 00:17:04,954 I'm sorry. 202 00:17:06,106 --> 00:17:07,482 I have a question. 203 00:17:08,889 --> 00:17:10,521 Is there... 204 00:17:12,346 --> 00:17:15,289 Is there a secret to being funny? 205 00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,417 Yes. 206 00:17:20,729 --> 00:17:22,202 Silence. 207 00:17:31,322 --> 00:17:33,018 Welcome back to Saturday Night Live! 208 00:17:33,210 --> 00:17:37,850 Now as a special treat on our first show, musical guest Andy Kaufman! 209 00:18:09,947 --> 00:18:11,834 What's wrong with this guy? 210 00:18:17,402 --> 00:18:19,674 This is dead air. 211 00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:35,707 Mr. Trouble never hangs around 212 00:18:36,059 --> 00:18:40,091 When he hears this mighty sound 213 00:18:40,283 --> 00:18:43,163 Here I come to save the day 214 00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:47,067 That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way 215 00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:50,426 Yes, sir, When there is a wrong to right 216 00:18:51,002 --> 00:18:54,426 Mighty Mouse will join the fight 217 00:18:55,226 --> 00:18:58,107 On the sea or on the land 218 00:18:58,299 --> 00:19:02,139 He gets the situation well in hand 219 00:19:02,491 --> 00:19:05,787 So though we are in danger We never despair 220 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:08,699 We know that where there's danger He is there 221 00:19:08,891 --> 00:19:13,627 He is there! On the land! On the sea! In the air! 222 00:19:14,011 --> 00:19:16,731 We 're not worrying at all 223 00:19:17,627 --> 00:19:20,732 We're just listening for his call 224 00:19:21,468 --> 00:19:24,635 Here I come to save the day! 225 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:27,994 That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way 226 00:19:30,843 --> 00:19:32,379 Mr. Kaufman? 227 00:19:33,595 --> 00:19:34,875 Right this way, please. 228 00:19:35,067 --> 00:19:36,891 George is expecting you. 229 00:19:39,675 --> 00:19:40,955 Hey, Andy. 230 00:19:42,619 --> 00:19:44,603 -Thanks for coming out. -Thank you, George. 231 00:19:44,795 --> 00:19:46,172 Come on, sit down. 232 00:19:47,260 --> 00:19:49,756 -Wow! Which one? -Either one. 233 00:19:50,108 --> 00:19:51,452 They're both red. 234 00:19:53,404 --> 00:19:55,196 This one, I guess. 235 00:19:55,388 --> 00:19:58,779 -Did you have a nice flight? -I did. I had a really good flight. 236 00:19:58,971 --> 00:20:03,707 The stewardess was very nice. She allowed me to keep my headphones. 237 00:20:04,635 --> 00:20:06,523 That's terrific! 238 00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:09,884 Andy, I got something better. 239 00:20:10,811 --> 00:20:11,932 You do? 240 00:20:12,636 --> 00:20:13,755 This is big. 241 00:20:17,980 --> 00:20:22,556 You are getting a once-in-a-lifetime, very lucrative opportunity... 242 00:20:22,748 --> 00:20:26,908 ...to star on a prime-time network sitcom! 243 00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:34,523 -A sitcom? -Yeah. 244 00:20:35,196 --> 00:20:37,435 And this is a class act. 245 00:20:37,628 --> 00:20:40,380 It all takes place in a taxi stand. 246 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,524 And you're gonna be the "Fonzie." 247 00:20:46,076 --> 00:20:48,764 -Fonzie? -No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 248 00:20:49,244 --> 00:20:50,204 The Fonzie. 249 00:20:50,396 --> 00:20:53,885 The crazy breakout character who all the kids imitate... 250 00:20:54,076 --> 00:20:56,348 ...and they put him on the lunch boxes. 251 00:20:56,540 --> 00:20:58,909 I hate sitcoms. I've never liked them. 252 00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:02,460 These guys have seen your foreign-man character... 253 00:21:02,653 --> 00:21:05,820 ...and they want to turn him into... 254 00:21:06,012 --> 00:21:09,724 ...a lovable, goofy mechanic named... 255 00:21:14,748 --> 00:21:15,932 Latka. 256 00:21:22,108 --> 00:21:23,069 No. 257 00:21:23,261 --> 00:21:24,509 -No? -No. 258 00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:25,661 No to which part? 259 00:21:25,852 --> 00:21:28,285 No to the whole thing. It doesn't sound good to me. 260 00:21:29,020 --> 00:21:30,845 Andy, this is a comedian's dream! 261 00:21:31,389 --> 00:21:33,277 I'm not a comedian, George. 262 00:21:33,469 --> 00:21:36,765 And sitcoms are the lowest form of entertainment. 263 00:21:36,956 --> 00:21:41,308 I mean, it's just stupid jokes and canned laughter! 264 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:43,805 You don't know why it's there, but it's there. 265 00:21:43,996 --> 00:21:47,069 And it's dead people laughing. Those people are dead! 266 00:21:47,260 --> 00:21:49,277 Andy, this is classy. 267 00:21:49,564 --> 00:21:51,485 I don't care. 268 00:21:51,677 --> 00:21:55,005 I want to generate my own material. 269 00:21:57,661 --> 00:21:59,101 Listen to me. 270 00:21:59,293 --> 00:22:01,597 I've been in this business for 20 years, Andy. 271 00:22:01,789 --> 00:22:03,869 I've seen this! I know this! 272 00:22:04,381 --> 00:22:08,349 If you pass up this opportunity, you will never... 273 00:22:08,541 --> 00:22:11,325 ...never see another one like it again. 274 00:22:12,125 --> 00:22:13,372 Never! 275 00:22:24,349 --> 00:22:26,525 Okay. I'll do it. 276 00:22:27,293 --> 00:22:28,733 But I have some terms. 277 00:22:28,925 --> 00:22:33,310 Oh, sure. That's what negotiations are all about. 278 00:22:36,285 --> 00:22:37,246 What are you doing? 279 00:22:37,886 --> 00:22:39,709 I'm writing out my terms. 280 00:22:50,973 --> 00:22:53,405 -Are you making fun of me? -Those are my terms. 281 00:22:53,597 --> 00:22:55,005 This is ridiculous, Andy! 282 00:22:55,197 --> 00:22:57,373 It's what I need to do the show. 283 00:22:57,565 --> 00:22:58,526 What is this? 284 00:22:58,717 --> 00:23:01,565 "Four guaranteed guest spots for Tony Clifton." 285 00:23:01,918 --> 00:23:06,078 -Who's Tony Clifton? -He's a Vegas lounge singer. 286 00:23:06,270 --> 00:23:09,054 I did impressions of him, and we got into a fight over it. 287 00:23:09,246 --> 00:23:11,166 -This Clifton called me! -He did? 288 00:23:11,358 --> 00:23:13,822 He's a loon! He hates you! 289 00:23:14,014 --> 00:23:17,086 No, no. He just talks tough. But I owe him. 290 00:23:17,949 --> 00:23:19,549 And if I'm the new Fonz... 291 00:23:19,741 --> 00:23:24,446 ...then ABC is just gonna have to give me what I want! 292 00:23:26,973 --> 00:23:30,590 Mr. Kaufman will only appear in half the episodes of Taxi. 293 00:23:31,646 --> 00:23:35,838 Mr. Kaufman requires an undisturbed 90 minutes of meditation... 294 00:23:36,030 --> 00:23:37,662 ...prior to filming. 295 00:23:38,878 --> 00:23:42,238 Mr. Kaufman gets his own network special. 296 00:23:43,199 --> 00:23:46,846 Taxi must guarantee four guest appearances... 297 00:23:47,039 --> 00:23:48,478 ...for Tony Clifton. 298 00:23:49,855 --> 00:23:51,005 -Who? -Who? 299 00:23:52,478 --> 00:23:53,533 Tony Clifton. 300 00:23:53,726 --> 00:23:55,613 Who the hell is Tony Clifton? 301 00:23:58,878 --> 00:24:00,158 I don't know. 302 00:24:02,206 --> 00:24:04,254 And now... 303 00:24:04,446 --> 00:24:06,687 ...Mama Rivoli's is proud to present... 304 00:24:06,878 --> 00:24:09,374 ...an international singing sensation! 305 00:24:09,566 --> 00:24:13,406 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Tony Clifton. 306 00:24:33,502 --> 00:24:37,694 Ladies and gentlemen, due to Mr. Clifton's vocal constraints... 307 00:24:37,886 --> 00:24:41,950 ...he asks that you extinguish your smoking material... 308 00:24:42,142 --> 00:24:43,358 ...your cigars and cigarettes. 309 00:24:43,551 --> 00:24:46,175 Goddamn, I paid 10 bucks for that cigar! 310 00:24:46,367 --> 00:24:48,511 I'm sorry. 311 00:24:49,247 --> 00:24:53,119 And now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Entertainment... 312 00:24:53,311 --> 00:24:56,031 ...Tony Clifton! 313 00:25:30,272 --> 00:25:32,543 No wonder my happy heart sings 314 00:25:32,734 --> 00:25:35,295 Your love has given me wings 315 00:25:35,487 --> 00:25:37,759 I got the wings of a dove 316 00:25:37,951 --> 00:25:40,383 I got the wings... 317 00:25:41,247 --> 00:25:43,647 I got the chicken wings from Kentucky Fried. 318 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,800 Whoop-de-doo, whoop-de-di. 319 00:25:52,992 --> 00:25:54,976 Stick a needle in your eye! 320 00:25:55,616 --> 00:25:58,847 Let's get something straight, people. I play big showrooms in Vegas. 321 00:25:59,296 --> 00:26:02,336 I need this place like I need a shotgun blast to the face. 322 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,655 Let's go down and meet some of the audience. All right. 323 00:26:07,199 --> 00:26:09,248 Hey, how you all doing? Where you from? 324 00:26:09,439 --> 00:26:11,967 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 325 00:26:13,791 --> 00:26:17,696 Somebody's wearing a lot of perfume. Must be that time of the month. 326 00:26:20,512 --> 00:26:21,952 I know all the tricks. 327 00:26:22,208 --> 00:26:23,423 So how you doing? 328 00:26:23,616 --> 00:26:26,880 You enjoying that pasta carbonara? 329 00:26:27,232 --> 00:26:28,992 It appears that you are! 330 00:26:29,216 --> 00:26:32,224 Hey, look out! I think you sat in some cottage cheese. 331 00:26:32,417 --> 00:26:34,656 Pardon me. That's your ass. 332 00:26:42,144 --> 00:26:44,224 How you doing? You enjoying the show? 333 00:26:44,768 --> 00:26:45,856 Yeah. 334 00:26:46,816 --> 00:26:48,256 What's your name? 335 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,176 Bob. 336 00:26:50,848 --> 00:26:51,872 Bob? 337 00:26:57,248 --> 00:26:59,808 What's your last name, Up-and-down-in-the-water? 338 00:27:03,649 --> 00:27:05,152 Gorsky. 339 00:27:05,729 --> 00:27:07,745 Gorsky? That Polish? 340 00:27:07,937 --> 00:27:08,897 Yeah. 341 00:27:09,088 --> 00:27:10,720 You trying to do Polish humor? 342 00:27:10,913 --> 00:27:12,832 -No, that's-- -Shut up! 343 00:27:13,024 --> 00:27:14,688 -That's just my name. -Shut up! 344 00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,024 I do not appreciate racial slurs! 345 00:27:17,216 --> 00:27:19,872 I think them dumb Polacks have been ridiculed enough! 346 00:27:20,064 --> 00:27:21,440 I do a clean show here! 347 00:27:21,632 --> 00:27:22,688 You want to see humor? 348 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,737 Here's some humor right here. 349 00:27:24,928 --> 00:27:26,528 Right there, okay? 350 00:27:27,681 --> 00:27:29,696 Sit down and enjoy that, okay? 351 00:27:30,657 --> 00:27:32,257 And you! Shapiro! 352 00:27:33,345 --> 00:27:36,064 I'll see you backstage, baldy. 353 00:27:48,129 --> 00:27:49,248 What do you want? 354 00:27:59,233 --> 00:28:01,729 Just a little friendly conversation, George. 355 00:28:02,753 --> 00:28:05,505 You hungry? You look thin! 356 00:28:10,209 --> 00:28:13,794 Italiano, cacciatore Scaloppine, pasta fagiol 357 00:28:16,514 --> 00:28:17,954 I don't understand this act. 358 00:28:19,073 --> 00:28:22,272 It's old-fashioned entertainment, George. Everyone loves a villain. 359 00:28:22,465 --> 00:28:24,641 What about that poor schlub you humiliated? 360 00:28:24,833 --> 00:28:26,369 Hey, man, excellent show. 361 00:28:26,561 --> 00:28:28,673 That was a great show. That was awesome. 362 00:28:28,865 --> 00:28:32,353 George, this is my writer and old friend, Bob Zmuda. 363 00:28:32,961 --> 00:28:34,625 Hey, George. How are you? I'm Bob. 364 00:28:34,817 --> 00:28:35,873 He's very creative. 365 00:28:36,066 --> 00:28:37,730 I'm the brains behind this operation. 366 00:28:37,922 --> 00:28:39,201 Yeah, dream on. 367 00:28:40,161 --> 00:28:43,681 He once faked a lion escaping from the Chicago Zoo. 368 00:28:43,874 --> 00:28:45,474 This was fantastic, George. 369 00:28:45,666 --> 00:28:48,258 We got like 40 actors tearing through the zoo. 370 00:28:48,450 --> 00:28:52,897 And they're all screaming, "There's a fucking lion, man, a lion!" 371 00:28:54,241 --> 00:28:56,001 Your name's not Gorsky. 372 00:28:58,081 --> 00:29:00,225 Don't believe everything you hear, George. 373 00:29:00,417 --> 00:29:02,433 This cannot leave this room. 374 00:29:02,626 --> 00:29:03,873 Do not write this down. 375 00:29:05,505 --> 00:29:08,033 Tony Clifton is Andy Kaufman. 376 00:29:09,602 --> 00:29:12,034 And Andy Kaufman is Tony Clifton. 377 00:29:12,226 --> 00:29:15,650 They'll deny it up and down, but believe me, it's true. 378 00:29:16,738 --> 00:29:18,626 This is great business. 379 00:29:18,818 --> 00:29:22,402 You get two Andy Kaufmans for the price of one. 380 00:29:26,497 --> 00:29:27,457 Andy! 381 00:29:28,129 --> 00:29:29,089 What's up? 382 00:29:29,730 --> 00:29:30,753 They said yes! 383 00:29:30,946 --> 00:29:33,314 You're getting everything. Everything! 384 00:29:36,802 --> 00:29:38,305 -Bonus. -Whatever you want. 385 00:29:38,786 --> 00:29:39,746 Thank you very much. 386 00:29:39,938 --> 00:29:41,506 It was so good. It was so good. 387 00:29:41,698 --> 00:29:44,770 -I have to do Taxi, don't I? -You gotta do Taxi. 388 00:30:01,858 --> 00:30:03,522 Party time for Latka. 389 00:30:03,778 --> 00:30:05,666 Not till you take off those overalls. 390 00:30:06,274 --> 00:30:08,226 This is a good party! 391 00:30:09,058 --> 00:30:11,651 No, no, no! Latka, listen to me. 392 00:30:11,842 --> 00:30:13,794 There's a drug in those cookies. 393 00:30:15,171 --> 00:30:16,162 No! 394 00:30:18,755 --> 00:30:19,747 No! 395 00:30:26,691 --> 00:30:27,907 Bed? 396 00:30:28,195 --> 00:30:32,931 I have never been so emotional in all my life! 397 00:30:33,250 --> 00:30:36,034 And this is for my mother! And this is for my father! 398 00:30:36,227 --> 00:30:38,498 And this is for my grandfather! 399 00:30:40,163 --> 00:30:42,019 I hope you have a small family. 400 00:30:56,227 --> 00:30:57,731 Thank you very much. 401 00:31:08,899 --> 00:31:10,818 -I'm gonna quit. -What? 402 00:31:11,011 --> 00:31:12,835 Every show is worse than the last one. 403 00:31:13,027 --> 00:31:15,971 Forty million people are watching your ass, Kaufman. 404 00:31:16,163 --> 00:31:17,283 What do they know? 405 00:31:17,475 --> 00:31:21,827 Absolutely nothing! That's the beauty. Man, look, it's credibility. 406 00:31:22,019 --> 00:31:25,539 You make them love you now, and then on your special... 407 00:31:25,731 --> 00:31:29,860 ...you can fuck with their heads. The sky is the limit, man! 408 00:31:33,732 --> 00:31:35,460 Oh, yeah? I don't care! 409 00:31:36,964 --> 00:31:39,748 Sir, there's a problem down on the Kaufman special. 410 00:31:39,940 --> 00:31:42,595 They say he's not following the technical requirements. 411 00:31:42,787 --> 00:31:43,971 Technical? 412 00:31:44,419 --> 00:31:46,051 Thanks for coming on my show. 413 00:31:46,243 --> 00:31:47,971 Oh, well, thanks for having me-- 414 00:31:48,163 --> 00:31:50,435 -Okay. Right now. Roll it. -No. 415 00:31:50,628 --> 00:31:52,260 It's my special! 416 00:31:52,451 --> 00:31:55,556 -I have creative control! Roll it! -No. 417 00:31:55,748 --> 00:31:57,347 Do it, man! 418 00:31:58,308 --> 00:31:59,747 Oh, be careful, please. 419 00:31:59,940 --> 00:32:02,275 Only positive energy allowed beyond this point. 420 00:32:02,468 --> 00:32:05,348 I've been hearing fabulous things about the special. 421 00:32:06,340 --> 00:32:08,868 What, did we hit a little speed bump? 422 00:32:09,252 --> 00:32:10,468 And his name is Colin. 423 00:32:10,660 --> 00:32:13,892 Look. Kid Genius told me to mess with the vertical hold. 424 00:32:14,083 --> 00:32:15,395 Show me. Show me. 425 00:32:15,715 --> 00:32:17,156 Show him, Colin. 426 00:32:21,059 --> 00:32:23,268 Thanks for having me on your show, Andy. 427 00:32:23,459 --> 00:32:24,964 Boy, it sure-- 428 00:32:31,428 --> 00:32:32,484 It'll be great! 429 00:32:32,996 --> 00:32:35,076 People will think their TV is broken! 430 00:32:35,268 --> 00:32:38,564 They'll get out of their chairs and walk to the TV, twist the knobs... 431 00:32:38,756 --> 00:32:42,020 ...call the TV store: "Hey, I paid a lot of money for that TV." 432 00:32:42,212 --> 00:32:46,149 They'll bang on the television and they won't be able to fix it! 433 00:32:50,276 --> 00:32:53,284 We don't want the viewers to get out of their chairs. 434 00:32:54,084 --> 00:32:58,404 But it's funny! It's a practical joke. 435 00:32:59,524 --> 00:33:02,884 The viewer must be able to see the program. 436 00:33:06,724 --> 00:33:09,157 But it's only gonna be for 30 seconds. 437 00:33:09,348 --> 00:33:10,660 Five. 438 00:33:11,269 --> 00:33:12,516 Twenty. 439 00:33:12,709 --> 00:33:13,989 Ten. 440 00:33:14,501 --> 00:33:15,493 Deal. 441 00:33:17,701 --> 00:33:19,013 Okay, Andy, 10 seconds. 442 00:33:19,621 --> 00:33:21,540 Ten seconds, okay. 443 00:33:30,404 --> 00:33:34,213 -Ten seconds is all I wanted. -Ten seconds is absolutely perfect. 444 00:33:36,901 --> 00:33:39,621 Howdy, I've been watching you since I was a boy. 445 00:33:39,813 --> 00:33:42,437 I didn't know what TV was, but I was watching you. 446 00:33:42,629 --> 00:33:44,997 Look how cute he is. Isn't this great? 447 00:33:45,349 --> 00:33:47,237 It is so moving. 448 00:33:52,133 --> 00:33:53,989 This is not funny. 449 00:33:54,182 --> 00:33:57,029 This is artsy-fartsy shit. I mean, what? 450 00:33:57,221 --> 00:34:00,325 This is the magical part of the show. It's not all like this. 451 00:34:00,517 --> 00:34:02,501 It's hysterical! It gets very funny. 452 00:34:02,693 --> 00:34:06,501 We're the number one network. Can't we afford a decent TV? 453 00:34:06,693 --> 00:34:09,445 No, no, no, that's part of the show. 454 00:34:10,469 --> 00:34:12,325 -This is part of the show? -Yes. 455 00:34:12,517 --> 00:34:13,893 What do you mean? 456 00:34:14,085 --> 00:34:16,678 That's the way Andy wants it, with the rolling. 457 00:34:16,869 --> 00:34:19,813 Thanks, Andy. I love you too. 458 00:34:22,405 --> 00:34:26,118 Tell Kaufman this network will never air this program. 459 00:34:27,557 --> 00:34:29,061 Hey, that's Andy Kaufman. 460 00:34:30,117 --> 00:34:31,173 You want to bet? 461 00:34:32,293 --> 00:34:33,893 Hey! Hey! 462 00:34:34,085 --> 00:34:36,357 Excuse me. Are you Andy Kaufman? 463 00:34:39,013 --> 00:34:40,901 I get that all the time. 464 00:34:47,366 --> 00:34:48,325 Andy. 465 00:34:50,758 --> 00:34:53,830 This is ridiculous. Take off that apron. 466 00:34:56,230 --> 00:34:59,174 No. I'd rather work here than at ABC. 467 00:34:59,878 --> 00:35:01,894 I'm sorry. They're a bunch of assholes. 468 00:35:02,085 --> 00:35:04,133 Look, we work in a creative business. 469 00:35:04,325 --> 00:35:06,822 There's no telling what people will like or dislike. 470 00:35:07,013 --> 00:35:09,894 The only reason I did Taxi, the only reason... 471 00:35:10,086 --> 00:35:11,718 ...was to have my own special. 472 00:35:12,005 --> 00:35:13,989 Oh, I know. I'll tell you what. 473 00:35:14,182 --> 00:35:16,198 Let me book you some colleges now... 474 00:35:16,389 --> 00:35:19,046 ...then I'll take the special and show it to people... 475 00:35:19,238 --> 00:35:21,382 ...and see if anybody wants to buy it. 476 00:35:21,574 --> 00:35:22,534 We'll have a garage sale. 477 00:35:23,270 --> 00:35:24,742 No, I'm over and out. 478 00:35:24,934 --> 00:35:27,206 -You're not over and out. -I am over and out. 479 00:35:27,398 --> 00:35:28,966 -You can't be. -I'll show you. 480 00:35:29,254 --> 00:35:31,495 You've got a deal with ABC. You've got to honor it. 481 00:35:32,102 --> 00:35:34,949 All right. How much longer is left on my contract? 482 00:35:35,142 --> 00:35:39,494 Well, you signed for five years, so four years and seven months. 483 00:36:03,142 --> 00:36:04,263 Thank you. 484 00:36:05,255 --> 00:36:06,727 It's really great to be here. 485 00:36:06,919 --> 00:36:10,630 We're gonna have a great show tonight. A really good one! 486 00:36:12,518 --> 00:36:15,174 We're gonna start by singing some songs. 487 00:36:15,590 --> 00:36:16,998 Do Latka. 488 00:36:17,190 --> 00:36:18,214 -Yeah, Latka! -What? 489 00:36:20,518 --> 00:36:21,574 Wait! 490 00:36:28,551 --> 00:36:30,215 Excuse me for one second. 491 00:36:32,903 --> 00:36:33,959 I saw that. 492 00:36:34,151 --> 00:36:35,175 -Give me the book. -What book? 493 00:36:35,367 --> 00:36:37,095 -Give me the book. -I'm not giving it to you. 494 00:36:37,287 --> 00:36:39,303 -Is something wrong? -No, everything's fine. 495 00:36:39,495 --> 00:36:41,959 Can I squeeze your nuts? Thanks. 496 00:36:42,694 --> 00:36:44,135 They're asking for it. 497 00:36:51,591 --> 00:36:54,855 Ladies and gentlemen, since you're such a... 498 00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:57,543 ...special audience... 499 00:36:59,783 --> 00:37:03,719 ...I am going to reveal for the very first time ever... 500 00:37:03,912 --> 00:37:05,607 ...the real me. 501 00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:07,624 That's right. 502 00:37:12,935 --> 00:37:14,504 I'm actually British. 503 00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:19,559 And though I dabble in clowning, I do find it so boorish. 504 00:37:19,751 --> 00:37:22,343 So American. 505 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:24,391 I prefer the fine arts. 506 00:37:24,583 --> 00:37:25,991 Henceforth, today... 507 00:37:26,183 --> 00:37:28,359 ...I'm going to grace you with a reading... 508 00:37:28,551 --> 00:37:30,663 ...of one of the greatest novels ever written... 509 00:37:30,855 --> 00:37:34,119 ... The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. 510 00:37:38,376 --> 00:37:39,528 Please. 511 00:37:41,384 --> 00:37:43,528 "In my younger and more vulnerable years... 512 00:37:43,720 --> 00:37:44,840 ...my father gave me some advice... 513 00:37:45,032 --> 00:37:47,496 ...that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. 514 00:37:47,688 --> 00:37:49,799 'Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,' he told me... 515 00:37:50,311 --> 00:37:51,943 '...just remember that all the people of this world--"' 516 00:37:52,135 --> 00:37:53,927 Latka! 517 00:37:54,183 --> 00:37:57,896 "But we've always been unusually communicative in a reserved way... 518 00:37:58,088 --> 00:38:01,960 ...and I understood that he meant a great deal more than that." 519 00:38:10,152 --> 00:38:11,944 Thank you very much. 520 00:38:17,321 --> 00:38:20,937 "In consequence, I'm inclined to reserve all judgments... 521 00:38:21,128 --> 00:38:23,751 ...a habit that has opened up many curious natures to me... 522 00:38:23,943 --> 00:38:27,688 ...and also made me the victim of not a few veteran bores." 523 00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:32,424 No, no. No, no. Please keep it down. We've got a long way to go. 524 00:38:33,832 --> 00:38:36,360 "They were the same people, or at least the same sort of people... 525 00:38:36,552 --> 00:38:38,184 The same profusion of--" 526 00:38:38,376 --> 00:38:39,976 I tell you what. I tell you what. 527 00:38:40,168 --> 00:38:41,544 Would you rather I kept reading... 528 00:38:41,736 --> 00:38:43,624 ...or do you prefer to hear the phonograph record? 529 00:38:44,136 --> 00:38:45,384 Record. 530 00:38:45,576 --> 00:38:46,697 I'm sorry, I can't hear you. 531 00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:49,384 Are you positive? 532 00:38:49,577 --> 00:38:50,889 Yeah! 533 00:38:51,081 --> 00:38:52,360 Very well, then. 534 00:38:52,713 --> 00:38:54,633 Yeah, Mighty Mouse! 535 00:38:59,816 --> 00:39:03,528 "Perhaps his presence gave the evening its quality of oppressiveness. 536 00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:07,624 It stands out in my memory from Gatsby's other parties that summer. " 537 00:39:08,328 --> 00:39:13,000 "--green light, the orgiastic future that year by year recedes before us. 538 00:39:18,024 --> 00:39:19,241 Tomorrow-- 539 00:39:21,065 --> 00:39:23,849 Tomorrow we will run faster... 540 00:39:24,041 --> 00:39:26,761 ...stretch our arms out further... 541 00:39:27,305 --> 00:39:29,992 ...and one fine morning... 542 00:39:30,185 --> 00:39:34,920 So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back... 543 00:39:35,529 --> 00:39:40,009 ...ceaselessly into the past. 544 00:39:42,313 --> 00:39:43,657 The End." 545 00:39:46,185 --> 00:39:47,881 All right! 546 00:40:09,193 --> 00:40:10,985 You want to play Arizona State? 547 00:40:11,177 --> 00:40:13,257 You give them Mighty Mouse, give them Elvis. 548 00:40:14,633 --> 00:40:18,665 I gave them The Great Gatsby. F. Scott Fitzgerald's best work. 549 00:40:18,857 --> 00:40:21,033 -A classic. -His finest work. 550 00:40:21,225 --> 00:40:22,634 I don't care! 551 00:40:29,801 --> 00:40:31,946 Andy, you have to look inside... 552 00:40:32,138 --> 00:40:33,994 ...and ask this question: 553 00:40:34,186 --> 00:40:36,266 Who are you trying to entertain? 554 00:40:36,457 --> 00:40:38,953 The audience or yourself? 555 00:40:40,265 --> 00:40:41,449 Excuse me. 556 00:40:46,218 --> 00:40:48,074 -Bob. -What, George? 557 00:40:48,265 --> 00:40:50,121 I'm worried about Andy. 558 00:40:50,313 --> 00:40:53,418 This is not good. His stress level is affecting his work! 559 00:40:53,609 --> 00:40:56,586 Calm down, though, George. That's not gonna help anything. 560 00:40:56,777 --> 00:40:57,738 Look... 561 00:40:59,402 --> 00:41:01,418 ...Tony Clifton is gonna go on Taxi next week. 562 00:41:01,610 --> 00:41:05,834 That should let him blow off steam and relieve the stress. 563 00:41:06,026 --> 00:41:09,418 Bob, Andy needs to relax. 564 00:41:09,610 --> 00:41:13,705 This is your job. You have to take him away from all of this. 565 00:41:16,682 --> 00:41:17,898 Would you come on? 566 00:41:18,089 --> 00:41:19,210 Come on! 567 00:41:21,738 --> 00:41:23,018 Hi, how you doing? 568 00:41:23,210 --> 00:41:24,202 Fine. Great. 569 00:41:24,394 --> 00:41:26,346 Hello. Nice to meet you. 570 00:41:26,538 --> 00:41:27,562 Nice to meet you. 571 00:41:27,754 --> 00:41:29,578 -How are you? -Peachy. 572 00:41:42,122 --> 00:41:45,161 -What do we do now? -Now you pick. 573 00:41:47,530 --> 00:41:50,666 But what if I hurt somebody's feelings? 574 00:41:50,858 --> 00:41:53,738 For Chris sake, you're not gonna hurt anybody's feelings. 575 00:41:53,930 --> 00:41:55,722 They're all professionals. 576 00:41:55,915 --> 00:41:57,834 -All right? -Okay. 577 00:42:03,979 --> 00:42:05,482 All right, which one? 578 00:42:07,786 --> 00:42:09,675 I will have both! 579 00:42:15,051 --> 00:42:18,858 I will have this fr�ulein, and the one with the big strudels. 580 00:42:19,050 --> 00:42:21,130 Mach schnell, mach schnell! 581 00:42:21,579 --> 00:42:24,234 Oh, no. Zmuda, I'm gonna kill you. 582 00:42:24,427 --> 00:42:26,122 Excellent choice. 583 00:42:27,434 --> 00:42:28,522 Hi. 584 00:42:28,842 --> 00:42:30,922 Are you having a good day? 585 00:42:32,235 --> 00:42:36,555 It's a big day. It's my buddy's first time with a prostitute. 586 00:42:36,907 --> 00:42:40,331 What are you talking about? Andy comes here almost every weekend. 587 00:42:41,771 --> 00:42:42,763 Who, Andy? 588 00:42:43,339 --> 00:42:45,643 He doesn't always call himself that. 589 00:42:45,836 --> 00:42:49,291 Sometimes he's Tony and he wears a tux. 590 00:42:58,539 --> 00:42:59,915 Sneak attack! 591 00:43:12,651 --> 00:43:16,300 If I gave you both $300... 592 00:43:16,491 --> 00:43:17,675 ...would you... 593 00:43:21,260 --> 00:43:24,779 ...come to Hollywood and help me destroy a TV show? 594 00:43:27,723 --> 00:43:28,779 Five hundred. 595 00:43:35,339 --> 00:43:37,516 What am I? Harry Houdini? 596 00:43:38,123 --> 00:43:41,228 We busted through. Come on, girls. 597 00:43:41,420 --> 00:43:43,340 Welcome to the Follies Bree-gere! 598 00:43:43,532 --> 00:43:45,196 Here's the man, Tony Clifton! 599 00:43:45,388 --> 00:43:48,684 Taxi, laxy, just the factsy, Maxie! 600 00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:51,052 Hey, hotshot. How you doing? 601 00:43:51,244 --> 00:43:54,508 -Name's Ed Weinberger, executive-- -Take a hike! All right. 602 00:43:54,700 --> 00:43:57,068 All right, what are we doing? 603 00:43:57,260 --> 00:43:58,827 Here's your script, Tony. 604 00:43:59,020 --> 00:44:00,843 -That's the script I was given? -Yeah. 605 00:44:01,035 --> 00:44:02,412 That's the one I have to do? 606 00:44:02,603 --> 00:44:04,268 Okay, let me see. 607 00:44:04,459 --> 00:44:06,252 Bullshit, bullshit, my line. 608 00:44:07,116 --> 00:44:09,131 Bullshit, bullshit, my line. 609 00:44:10,380 --> 00:44:12,556 That's hilarious! God, that's hilarious! 610 00:44:12,748 --> 00:44:17,004 I reviewed that script last night and I was not satisfied. 611 00:44:17,356 --> 00:44:19,372 I was not satisfied. 612 00:44:19,820 --> 00:44:21,932 -Why don't we--? -I made a few changes. 613 00:44:22,124 --> 00:44:24,813 I stayed up all night with these sweet ladies. 614 00:44:25,004 --> 00:44:26,924 This is Lemonade. Sugar. 615 00:44:27,853 --> 00:44:28,908 Ed, can we get to work? 616 00:44:29,101 --> 00:44:30,157 You going on a hot date? 617 00:44:30,348 --> 00:44:31,659 And this is Melonia. 618 00:44:31,851 --> 00:44:34,284 How's my little produce department? 619 00:44:37,740 --> 00:44:40,396 This is the new Taxi theme song. 620 00:44:43,916 --> 00:44:47,148 Oh, yes, we drive a taxi 621 00:44:59,757 --> 00:45:00,749 George. 622 00:45:02,605 --> 00:45:05,836 I can't afford to blow this whole episode... 623 00:45:06,412 --> 00:45:07,884 ...so we have to let him go. 624 00:45:10,893 --> 00:45:12,684 I'm not sure how Andy's gonna take this. 625 00:45:12,877 --> 00:45:14,988 We just have to go down and tell him. 626 00:45:16,493 --> 00:45:19,117 But that's Tony down there. It's not Andy. 627 00:45:19,309 --> 00:45:21,261 I don't give a fuck who it is, he's fired. 628 00:45:22,413 --> 00:45:25,773 Okay, all right. But we better warn Andy first. 629 00:45:25,965 --> 00:45:30,605 He's in San Francisco doing a concert. I'll call my secretary. 630 00:45:33,581 --> 00:45:35,374 Diane, this is George. 631 00:45:35,757 --> 00:45:38,732 I'm trying to reach Andy up in San Francisco. 632 00:45:40,812 --> 00:45:42,925 -I'll patch you through. -I'll wait. 633 00:45:45,260 --> 00:45:47,693 -Hello? -Andy, I'll put you on the speaker. 634 00:45:49,325 --> 00:45:50,925 Hello, Andy. 635 00:45:51,245 --> 00:45:53,133 I'm here with Ed over at Taxi. 636 00:45:53,325 --> 00:45:54,605 -Hi, Ed. -Hi, Andy. 637 00:45:54,797 --> 00:45:56,717 -How are you? -I'm fine. 638 00:45:56,909 --> 00:46:00,174 -There's been some trouble with Tony. -Oh, no! 639 00:46:00,365 --> 00:46:01,837 Did he get hurt? 640 00:46:02,030 --> 00:46:04,621 No, Andy, it's nothing like-- No. 641 00:46:04,813 --> 00:46:07,470 -Did he hurt someone else? -No, it's not that. 642 00:46:07,661 --> 00:46:10,958 Andy, the reason I'm calling you like this is... 643 00:46:11,150 --> 00:46:13,613 ...I have the utmost respect for your artistry. 644 00:46:13,805 --> 00:46:17,101 Well, may I say that I've always appreciated that, Ed. 645 00:46:17,293 --> 00:46:20,845 Thank you. But you see, in this instance... 646 00:46:21,421 --> 00:46:24,333 ...I have to ask your permission to fire Tony. 647 00:46:29,774 --> 00:46:31,086 Oh, my... 648 00:46:31,565 --> 00:46:35,470 George, this is gonna kill Tony. He's waited for this his whole life. 649 00:46:35,662 --> 00:46:36,974 There'll be other shots. 650 00:46:37,165 --> 00:46:40,974 Yeah, we have to do this. He's just a terrible actor. 651 00:46:41,518 --> 00:46:45,613 Okay. But please let him down gently. 652 00:46:45,805 --> 00:46:46,765 Trust us. 653 00:46:46,957 --> 00:46:50,221 Fuck you! I'm not going! 654 00:46:51,821 --> 00:46:52,973 We had a deal. 655 00:46:53,166 --> 00:46:56,397 I don't know who you talked to. You must have talked to someone else! 656 00:46:56,589 --> 00:46:58,478 I was talking to Andy Kaufman! 657 00:46:58,669 --> 00:47:00,494 I don't know no Andy Kaufman! 658 00:47:00,686 --> 00:47:02,446 Okay! Security, get in here! 659 00:47:02,638 --> 00:47:04,302 Security! Come over here! 660 00:47:05,518 --> 00:47:06,734 Security! 661 00:47:21,774 --> 00:47:23,854 Don't hurt him! He's a talented man. 662 00:47:24,046 --> 00:47:26,158 I don't want any pictures leaving this set! 663 00:47:26,350 --> 00:47:27,374 Hey, give me that! 664 00:47:27,566 --> 00:47:29,390 This is Zmuda, he's one of them! 665 00:47:31,502 --> 00:47:35,342 If you guys ever go to Vegas, you're not getting in! 666 00:47:36,142 --> 00:47:38,799 Hey, come here! Give me the camera! 667 00:47:38,990 --> 00:47:40,430 Give me the camera! 668 00:47:40,622 --> 00:47:43,055 I got 20 bucks says you work for me now! 669 00:47:43,246 --> 00:47:45,198 I would like to use the phone! 670 00:47:45,935 --> 00:47:46,862 Not on the lot, sir. 671 00:47:47,055 --> 00:47:49,262 How about a bathroom? I may have shit my pants. 672 00:47:51,375 --> 00:47:53,550 -Drink of water? Aspirin? -No. 673 00:47:53,742 --> 00:47:55,630 -Moist towelette? -No. 674 00:47:56,046 --> 00:47:57,422 In that case, it has been an honor... 675 00:47:57,934 --> 00:47:59,726 ...and a goodbye. 676 00:47:59,918 --> 00:48:03,310 This is great! 677 00:48:03,503 --> 00:48:05,422 This is too much, man. 678 00:48:05,646 --> 00:48:08,494 It makes Tony real, you know? It gives him three dimensions. 679 00:48:10,191 --> 00:48:12,111 It's good for his career, George. 680 00:48:12,879 --> 00:48:16,879 Oh, really? You want to book Tony Clifton at Harrah's Tahoe. 681 00:48:17,071 --> 00:48:19,247 I know the kids really like Andy Kaufman. 682 00:48:19,439 --> 00:48:22,991 No, no, no, look. Gene, let me be clear about this. 683 00:48:23,535 --> 00:48:26,510 If you book Tony, do not expect to get Andy. 684 00:48:26,702 --> 00:48:29,422 Well, you know what, I'll take my chances. 685 00:48:31,950 --> 00:48:34,478 All right. Be my guest. Book him. 686 00:48:37,999 --> 00:48:39,055 Shut up! 687 00:48:41,583 --> 00:48:43,631 Shut the hell up! All of you! 688 00:48:44,975 --> 00:48:48,463 Make one more sound, I'll come down and put your head in the soup! 689 00:48:50,127 --> 00:48:53,263 When I go like this, it means I expect total silence! 690 00:48:55,023 --> 00:48:58,191 There is an artiste on-stage. 691 00:49:11,791 --> 00:49:14,095 That's better. 692 00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:22,543 Oh, whether I'm right 693 00:49:24,175 --> 00:49:26,000 Or whether I'm wrong 694 00:49:27,664 --> 00:49:30,384 Whether I find a place in this world 695 00:49:30,576 --> 00:49:32,528 Or never belong 696 00:49:33,775 --> 00:49:36,623 I've got to be me 697 00:49:37,231 --> 00:49:39,408 I've gotta be me 698 00:49:40,720 --> 00:49:45,072 Willing to try to do it or die 699 00:49:56,976 --> 00:49:58,096 Thank you very much. 700 00:49:59,568 --> 00:50:02,192 Thank you. I do all my own stunts. 701 00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,224 I've got to be 702 00:50:13,808 --> 00:50:15,600 What the hel"s going on? 703 00:50:15,952 --> 00:50:17,264 Kaufman! 704 00:50:26,672 --> 00:50:28,592 Kaufman's crapping on my act! 705 00:50:34,481 --> 00:50:36,272 Where's it say Kaufman's in the act? 706 00:50:42,992 --> 00:50:45,200 May I borrow this for a second? 707 00:51:03,569 --> 00:51:05,937 Now you are all wet. 708 00:51:06,481 --> 00:51:08,785 You looked like you could use a little drink! 709 00:51:10,033 --> 00:51:11,921 Go on, get out of here! 710 00:51:12,561 --> 00:51:14,608 Don't leave, Andy, come back. 711 00:51:14,832 --> 00:51:16,496 Get out of here, little drummer boy! 712 00:51:18,705 --> 00:51:20,145 Don't leave, Andy, come back! 713 00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:24,945 Go home! 714 00:51:44,465 --> 00:51:47,184 Close the goddamn door. Close it! 715 00:51:49,169 --> 00:51:50,545 Look at you. 716 00:51:51,984 --> 00:51:53,233 You're so proud. 717 00:51:53,425 --> 00:51:55,825 You're like a kid who comes home from school: 718 00:51:56,017 --> 00:51:58,577 "Look, Dad, I got an F!" 719 00:51:59,601 --> 00:52:01,233 But wasn't it funny? 720 00:52:01,425 --> 00:52:05,201 "Yes, it was funny, Andy. It was." 721 00:52:06,226 --> 00:52:07,986 Yes, it was funny for a little while... 722 00:52:08,178 --> 00:52:11,217 ...until the audience realized that Tony wasn't you. 723 00:52:15,538 --> 00:52:18,354 So what do you have here? A big elaborate joke... 724 00:52:18,546 --> 00:52:21,009 ...that's only funny to two people in the universe. 725 00:52:21,201 --> 00:52:22,513 You and you. 726 00:52:22,705 --> 00:52:26,833 Yeah, sure, George. And we happen to think that it's hilarious. 727 00:52:28,561 --> 00:52:30,673 But what's the point? What is the point? 728 00:52:30,865 --> 00:52:32,913 It's fun, George. 729 00:52:35,889 --> 00:52:38,674 How is this gonna make you the biggest star in the world? 730 00:52:40,434 --> 00:52:41,585 George... 731 00:52:42,930 --> 00:52:46,514 ...at this point the audience expects me to shock them all the time. 732 00:52:46,706 --> 00:52:49,970 But short of faking my own death or setting the theater on fire... 733 00:52:50,162 --> 00:52:51,570 ...I don't know what else to do. 734 00:52:51,762 --> 00:52:54,290 I've always gotta be one step ahead of them. 735 00:52:57,010 --> 00:52:58,002 It's like ballet. 736 00:53:00,273 --> 00:53:01,842 Did you see that? 737 00:53:02,034 --> 00:53:03,089 Bam! 738 00:53:06,002 --> 00:53:07,314 These guys are brilliant. 739 00:53:07,506 --> 00:53:09,714 I want to be a bad-guy wrestler in the worst way. 740 00:53:09,906 --> 00:53:12,146 I hate to break it to you, but... 741 00:53:12,338 --> 00:53:14,770 ...you don't have the build or the look for it. 742 00:53:14,962 --> 00:53:18,226 These guys are huge. They would kick your ass. 743 00:53:20,786 --> 00:53:24,370 Maybe I could pick on someone a little smaller than me. 744 00:53:26,515 --> 00:53:29,298 Women are superior to men in many ways. 745 00:53:30,994 --> 00:53:32,114 That's right. 746 00:53:32,306 --> 00:53:35,218 When it comes to cooking, cleaning, washing the potatoes... 747 00:53:35,410 --> 00:53:39,762 ...scrubbing the carrots, making the babies, mopping the floors... 748 00:53:39,954 --> 00:53:41,907 ...they have it all over men. I believe that. 749 00:53:42,322 --> 00:53:43,891 But when it comes to wrestling-- 750 00:53:44,531 --> 00:53:45,586 Shut up! 751 00:53:45,778 --> 00:53:49,842 Be quiet when the man is talking! 752 00:53:51,378 --> 00:53:55,027 If there is a woman here who can come up here and prove me wrong... 753 00:53:55,219 --> 00:53:58,451 ...I will shut my mouth and pay her $500! 754 00:53:59,955 --> 00:54:01,202 I can do it! 755 00:54:03,826 --> 00:54:05,106 First come first served. 756 00:54:05,522 --> 00:54:08,210 Come on! You want to take me? Come on! 757 00:54:09,426 --> 00:54:11,890 -What's your name, sweetheart? -My name is Lynne. 758 00:54:12,083 --> 00:54:13,843 Lynne is our volunteer. 759 00:54:14,035 --> 00:54:16,082 You're pathetic. You're pathetic. 760 00:54:16,274 --> 00:54:18,451 We'll see about that, Suzy-Q! 761 00:54:18,643 --> 00:54:20,595 No kicking, biting, punching, scratching. 762 00:54:20,787 --> 00:54:21,747 Do you understand? 763 00:54:21,939 --> 00:54:23,507 He's gonna play fair? 764 00:54:24,179 --> 00:54:26,643 You have to pin me. I don't have to pin you. 765 00:54:26,835 --> 00:54:27,859 Yes, I understand. 766 00:54:28,051 --> 00:54:30,035 Very good. Can we please shake hands? 767 00:54:32,180 --> 00:54:35,027 Come out wrestling when you hear the bell. 768 00:54:41,331 --> 00:54:44,019 You see? You see this? 769 00:54:53,523 --> 00:54:56,051 Lynne, no chokeholds! I told you! 770 00:55:00,275 --> 00:55:01,939 Break it up, Kaufman! 771 00:55:03,636 --> 00:55:04,787 First warning! 772 00:55:04,980 --> 00:55:06,323 You pulled her hair! 773 00:55:06,516 --> 00:55:09,171 You won't be getting a second warning, Kaufman! 774 00:55:09,363 --> 00:55:12,083 Shut up! I am the champion! 775 00:55:30,260 --> 00:55:31,796 One. Two. 776 00:55:32,532 --> 00:55:33,588 Three! That is it! 777 00:55:33,780 --> 00:55:36,564 It is over! It is over! 778 00:55:37,012 --> 00:55:38,676 You are out! You are down! 779 00:55:38,868 --> 00:55:41,555 The winner and still undisputed... 780 00:55:41,748 --> 00:55:44,211 ...Intergender Wrestling Champion of the World... 781 00:55:44,403 --> 00:55:46,739 ...Andy Kaufman! 782 00:55:46,931 --> 00:55:49,587 I am the winner! 783 00:55:49,779 --> 00:55:52,179 I've got the brains! 784 00:56:04,756 --> 00:56:07,348 Ma'am? Here is your complimentary photo of Merv. 785 00:56:07,541 --> 00:56:09,621 -And your Turtle Wax. -I don't want Turtle Wax. 786 00:56:09,813 --> 00:56:11,701 Every guest of Merv's takes Turtle Wax. 787 00:56:11,893 --> 00:56:15,508 -And your gift voucher to Red Lobster. -Thank you so much. 788 00:56:16,435 --> 00:56:18,996 I just wanted to thank you for doing such a great job. 789 00:56:19,187 --> 00:56:20,148 I really appreciate it. 790 00:56:20,340 --> 00:56:21,652 Don't patronize me. 791 00:56:21,844 --> 00:56:23,700 -No, wait! -What? 792 00:56:24,692 --> 00:56:26,452 I hope you don't take me seriously. 793 00:56:26,644 --> 00:56:29,428 What I was saying, it's just part of the show. 794 00:56:29,620 --> 00:56:31,508 It's like the old days of the carnival barker... 795 00:56:31,700 --> 00:56:33,749 ...when he'd get the crowd all riled up.