1
00:01:50,287 --> 00:01:53,677
So he wants to cut it off, just like that?

2
00:01:55,207 --> 00:02:00,645
- He doesn't think you can handle it.
- The arrangements have been concluded.

3
00:02:00,727 --> 00:02:05,243
I gave them my word
because <i>he</i> gave me <i>his</i> word.

4
00:02:05,327 --> 00:02:09,445
- So you tell me why.
- Hey, you know why.

5
00:02:11,207 --> 00:02:13,846
You're not strong any more.

6
00:02:14,847 --> 00:02:17,202
You lost control.

7
00:02:18,607 --> 00:02:22,441
Now, you tell him this:
nothing has changed.

8
00:02:22,527 --> 00:02:26,361
We've had a few setbacks.
That's to be expected in any business.

9
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:30,565
But I am still in charge,
and I am still strong.

10
00:02:31,047 --> 00:02:32,924
Make no mistake.

11
00:02:33,007 --> 00:02:36,602
You tell him he had better keep his word.

12
00:02:36,687 --> 00:02:39,281
Tell him the 25th, as agreed.

13
00:02:40,647 --> 00:02:44,322
I�ll send him a sign, a little demonstration,

14
00:02:45,327 --> 00:02:48,444
to prove that I�m still strong.

15
00:03:27,967 --> 00:03:32,757
- Good afternoon, Mr Douvier.
- Good afternoon, Simone.

16
00:03:36,367 --> 00:03:38,756
- Any calls?
- On your desk.

17
00:03:48,167 --> 00:03:54,037
- What's this ''Dr Herb called''?
- Your yearly checkup. Tuesday at 4.30.

18
00:03:54,127 --> 00:03:59,326
- Is New York gonna call back?
- Mm-hm. Between five and six.

19
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:03,400
- Everybody else here?
- Yes, in the boardroom.

20
00:04:12,607 --> 00:04:17,601
Well, l don't think
we should keep them waiting any longer.

21
00:04:22,007 --> 00:04:26,205
- Will l see you tonight?
- Of course, Miss Legree.

22
00:04:37,927 --> 00:04:43,081
Gentlemen, we have a problem.
The Gannet transaction is in jeopardy

23
00:04:43,167 --> 00:04:48,400
because New York feels l no longer
have the power to control the situation.

24
00:04:48,487 --> 00:04:51,126
So l have sent word

25
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:55,723
that l will give them
a demonstration, a sign,

26
00:04:56,727 --> 00:04:59,924
to show that l am still in control.

27
00:05:00,007 --> 00:05:03,920
That France is still a viable territory.

28

00:05:04,007 --> 00:05:07,317
What I want from you are suggestions.

29
00:05:08,327 --> 00:05:11,842
- I have an idea.
- All right.

30
00:05:11,927 --> 00:05:16,842
Would you ask your secretary
to bring in the morning paper?

31
00:05:18,007 --> 00:05:21,443
- Bring in the morning paper, please.
- Right away, sir.

32
00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:30,637
Who's the most important man in France?
Present company excluded, of course.

33
00:05:30,727 --> 00:05:33,366
Thank you, Miss Legree.
The president, I suppose.

34
00:05:33,447 --> 00:05:39,124
No, for our purpose. A man New York
knows better than the president of France.

35
00:05:39,207 --> 00:05:43,166
A man with which our entire
world organisation is familiar,

36
00:05:43,247 --> 00:05:46,444
and would like nothing better
than to see him out of the way.

37
00:05:46,527 --> 00:05:47,801
Who?

38
00:05:51,527 --> 00:05:55,042
Who has given us nothing but trouble
for the past ten years?

39
00:05:55,127 --> 00:05:59,564
Who has survived
16 assassination attempts,

40
00:05:59,647 --> 00:06:02,241
including two by his own boss?

41
00:06:08,047 --> 00:06:09,241
Clouseau.

42
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:13,240
You want to impress New York?
Eliminate Clouseau.

43
00:06:13,327 --> 00:06:16,285
We'll have every cop in France
down on our necks.

44
00:06:16,367 --> 00:06:18,562
Not if we do it smart.

45
00:06:18,647 --> 00:06:22,435
There is a rumour
that he is really a complete imbecile.

46
00:06:22,527 --> 00:06:25,963
- I�ve heard that.
- Yet he continues to survive.

47
00:06:26,047 --> 00:06:29,881
I have it on good authority
that he is anything but an imbecile.

48
00:06:29,967 --> 00:06:32,561
That he only plays the fool.

49
00:06:33,447 --> 00:06:36,962
In any case, it is too dangerous.

50
00:06:41,687 --> 00:06:44,360
Can you do it smart?

51
00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:45,880
Yes.

52
00:06:46,727 --> 00:06:47,716
Then do it.

53
00:11:32,207 --> 00:11:34,198
<i>( tenor sings on scratchy record)</i>

54
00:11:51,207 --> 00:11:53,004
Balls?

55
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:56,716
Inspector Clouseau!
My dear Chief Inspector Clouseau!

56
00:11:56,807 --> 00:12:00,038
How we have missed you!
How we have missed you!

57
00:12:00,127 --> 00:12:03,915
Your disguise is ready for the final fitting.
I think you'll be very pleased.

58
00:12:04,007 --> 00:12:07,124
Cunny! Quick, quick!
Inspector Clouseau is here!

59
00:12:07,207 --> 00:12:10,961
- You have some very interesting noses...
- l will model them for you!

60
00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:15,279
Get on with it, get on with it!
l will bring you one right away.

61
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:17,961
There were some on the left there.

62
00:12:18,047 --> 00:12:19,719
Ah, the final fitting.

63
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:23,322
I call this one ''Wino and Roses''.

64
00:12:30,367 --> 00:12:31,766
Magnificent.

65
00:12:32,767 --> 00:12:36,806
Even though l say so myself,
this is no small feat.

66
00:12:36,887 --> 00:12:41,881
Now you can work the Left Bank
and Montmartre with anonymity.

67
00:12:41,967 --> 00:12:45,642
Yes, the old anonymity ploy.

68
00:12:51,607 --> 00:12:55,441
That's it! That's it!
You can do it, Inspector!

69
00:12:55,527 --> 00:12:59,440
- Chief Inspector.
- You can walk, Chief Inspector!

70
00:12:59,527 --> 00:13:01,882
You can walk!

71
00:13:01,967 --> 00:13:03,958
Yes! Yes!

72
00:13:04,047 --> 00:13:06,607
You are a genius, Balls!

73
00:13:06,687 --> 00:13:10,362
l can! l can walk!

74
00:13:14,607 --> 00:13:18,202
Thank heavens

75
00:13:18,287 --> 00:13:22,405
For little girls

76
00:13:22,487 --> 00:13:28,437
They keep on getting smaller every day

77
00:13:28,887 --> 00:13:31,640
Thank heavens

78
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:35,561
For little girls

79
00:13:35,647 --> 00:13:39,640
They grow down in a most pecu...

80
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,886
Yes?

81
00:13:42,967 --> 00:13:44,844
A special delivery.

82
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,358
Thank you.

83
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:52,966
I�m sorry, I�m a little short.

84
00:13:53,367 --> 00:13:55,722
Forget it.

85
00:13:55,807 --> 00:13:57,559
<i>(car engine starts)</i>

86
00:13:57,647 --> 00:13:59,638
<i>(car speeds off)</i>

87
00:14:04,087 --> 00:14:08,239
Special delivery. A beum.
Were you expecting one?

88
00:14:09,007 --> 00:14:10,725
A beum?!

89
00:14:10,807 --> 00:14:12,763
Aaaaagh!

90
00:14:21,487 --> 00:14:23,079
<i>(phone)</i>

91
00:14:28,247 --> 00:14:29,726
Yes?

92
00:14:31,727 --> 00:14:33,524
What?!

93
00:14:38,367 --> 00:14:40,927
- Right.
- What's the matter?

94
00:14:42,327 --> 00:14:46,206
The bomb destroyed half the block,
and Clouseau survived.

95
00:14:46,727 --> 00:14:49,958
I am certain, sir,
that the beum was intended for me.

96
00:14:50,047 --> 00:14:52,038
- Beum?
- What?

97
00:14:52,127 --> 00:14:54,800
- You said ''beum''.
- Yes, yes.

98
00:14:54,887 --> 00:15:00,837
Fortunately Professor Balls took refuge
behind a shipment of inflatable goitres

99
00:15:00,927 --> 00:15:02,883
which cushioned the explosion.

100
00:15:02,967 --> 00:15:07,882
- Inflatable goitres?
- Yes. His Valentine's Day collection.

101
00:15:07,967 --> 00:15:09,559
<i>(coughs)</i>

102
00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:12,605
- It's amazing that you survived.
- Yes, sir.

103
00:15:12,687 --> 00:15:18,000
I must apprehend this mad beumer
before he does any more of the damage.

104
00:15:18,087 --> 00:15:20,237
- Or she.
- Or she?

105
00:15:20,327 --> 00:15:22,522
A man dressed as a woman.

106
00:15:26,847 --> 00:15:29,600
Four armed robberies in three weeks.

107
00:15:29,687 --> 00:15:32,918
Two victims were assaulted,
and grappled with the robber.

108
00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:37,922
Both victims said the robber
was much too strong to be a woman.

109
00:15:38,007 --> 00:15:41,602
Three years ago, we sent to prison
a man named Claude Russo.

110
00:15:41,687 --> 00:15:45,396
Russo committed robberies
disguised as a woman.

111
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:51,602
Well, sir, l must be off
to apprehend this... this mad beumer now.

112
00:15:52,607 --> 00:15:55,599
Remember, it just could be Russo.

113
00:15:55,687 --> 00:15:58,485
Yes. It just could be Russo, yes.

114
00:15:58,567 --> 00:16:01,639
- Yes, l just said that.
- Yes, I know that. Yes, sir.

115
00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:06,323
Well, sir, until we meet again,
and the case is solved.

116
00:16:08,847 --> 00:16:10,838
<i>Au revoir,</i> Hercule.

117
00:16:12,167 --> 00:16:14,237
Fire!

118
00:16:16,247 --> 00:16:18,238
<i>(alarm bell)</i>

119
00:16:29,767 --> 00:16:34,318
You may not have seen these gentlemen
before, but they have worked for you.

120
00:16:34,847 --> 00:16:38,601
And needless to say,
they are specialists, the best in France.

121
00:16:39,007 --> 00:16:41,316
And you expect them
to take care of Clouseau?

122
00:16:41,407 --> 00:16:45,036
Oh, no. They've been contracted
to eliminate Mr Chong.

123
00:16:45,127 --> 00:16:46,799
Who the hell is Mr Chong?

124
00:16:48,567 --> 00:16:50,558
Mr Chong?

125
00:16:53,607 --> 00:16:56,804
Mr Chong was recommended
by Hong Kong.

126
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:06,559
Gentlemen, fulfil your contract.

127
00:17:07,247 --> 00:17:08,282
<i>(click)</i>

128
00:18:36,567 --> 00:18:38,080

<i>(sneezes)</i>

129
00:18:38,967 --> 00:18:42,164
Why don't you get out of those wet
clothes? You could catch pneumonia.

130
00:18:42,247 --> 00:18:45,557
Yes, I know that.
I will do as soon as I get home,

131
00:18:45,647 --> 00:18:48,480
provided that idiot Cato
does not attack me first.

132
00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:52,799
- Why don't you just tell him not to?
- Believe me, it's not that easy.

133
00:18:52,887 --> 00:18:56,846
l have given him instructions to attack me
wherever and whenever possible,

134
00:18:56,927 --> 00:19:01,478
and it has now become a matter of pride
with him to try to outsmart me.

135
00:19:01,567 --> 00:19:05,242
l guarantee that at this very minute,
his fiendish little yellow brain

136

00:19:05,327 --> 00:19:08,160
is plotting some new ambush.

137
00:19:09,087 --> 00:19:10,440
<i>(sneezes)</i>

138
00:19:10,527 --> 00:19:14,566
- Gesundheit.
- Yes, I know that, I know that.

139
00:20:09,887 --> 00:20:11,878
Cato?

140

00:20:16,167 --> 00:20:18,158
Cato?!

141
00:20:21,607 --> 00:20:23,598
Cato?!

142
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,122
<i>(plays discordant notes)</i>

143
00:20:33,887 --> 00:20:37,926
Pay attention!
This is your employer speaking!

144
00:20:38,007 --> 00:20:42,125
I am cancelling
the attack orders for tonight!

145
00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:44,323
You understand?

146
00:20:44,407 --> 00:20:49,162
I know that I told you to show no mercy,

147
00:20:49,247 --> 00:20:53,638
and to attack, and to pay
no attention to what I say!

148
00:20:55,527 --> 00:20:57,916
But tonight...

149
00:20:58,007 --> 00:20:59,201
<i>(karate yell)</i>

150
00:21:01,207 --> 00:21:03,402
But tonight,

151
00:21:03,487 --> 00:21:07,162
I am ordering you to pay attention!

152
00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:13,560
You will not attack, Cato!

153
00:21:18,927 --> 00:21:20,918
<i>(blows bugle)</i>

154
00:21:21,687 --> 00:21:23,484
Shut up that row!

155
00:21:23,807 --> 00:21:26,605
I am trying to save my life, madam!

156
00:21:33,887 --> 00:21:38,881
Obviously the little yellow swine
is not paying attention.

157
00:21:48,287 --> 00:21:50,278
<i>(feeble karate yell)</i>

158
00:22:17,527 --> 00:22:18,926
Aaagh-ha!

159
00:23:04,447 --> 00:23:06,438
<i>(sawing)</i>

160
00:23:13,487 --> 00:23:15,478
<i>(imitates sawing)</i>

161
00:23:28,807 --> 00:23:32,083
It�s a very substantial building.
We're doing a great deal to it.

162
00:23:32,167 --> 00:23:35,637
I�m sure you'll find it
very peaceful, and quite delightful.

163
00:23:35,727 --> 00:23:37,718
<i>(Cato yells)</i>

164
00:23:50,887 --> 00:23:52,878
A-ha! Ha-ha!

165
00:23:56,687 --> 00:23:58,678
<i>(cone)</i>

166
00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:03,440
Swine!

167
00:24:04,847 --> 00:24:07,042
Chief Inspector Clouseau's residence.

168
00:24:07,127 --> 00:24:10,119
<i>- (Douvier) Clouseau?</i>
- One moment, please.

169
00:24:10,207 --> 00:24:12,004
For you.

170
00:24:22,167 --> 00:24:23,919
<i>(woman shrieks)</i>

171
00:24:24,927 --> 00:24:27,395
What on earth is going on?

172
00:24:27,487 --> 00:24:30,081
Excuse me, madame and messieurs.

173
00:24:30,167 --> 00:24:33,796
- I beg your pardon. I am so sorry.
- It�s still for you, Inspector.

174
00:24:33,887 --> 00:24:35,479
<i>Chief</i> Inspector.

175
00:24:35,567 --> 00:24:38,843
Pardon me, I am needed on the telephone.

176
00:24:43,927 --> 00:24:49,797
Hello? This is Chief Inspector Clouseau
speaking on the phone.

177
00:24:49,887 --> 00:24:52,321
<i>Now listen to me carefully, Clouseau.</i>

178
00:24:52,407 --> 00:24:56,605
<i>lf you wanna catch the French</i>
<i>Connection meet me tonight at 11 o'clock,</i>

179
00:24:56,687 --> 00:24:59,918
in the Bois de Boulogne,
near the Grande Cascade.

180
00:25:00,407 --> 00:25:02,602
<i>- And come alone.</i>
<i>- (click)</i>

181
00:25:11,127 --> 00:25:14,802
That's so obvious.
He's bound to think it's a trap.

182
00:25:14,887 --> 00:25:19,517
Yes, or it's so obvious that
he's bound to think it can't be a trap.

183
00:25:19,927 --> 00:25:22,122
It�s so obvious, it's bound to be a trap.

184
00:25:22,207 --> 00:25:25,244
That is why you will never be
a great detective, Cato.

185
00:25:25,327 --> 00:25:28,444
It�s so obvious,
it could not possibly be a trap.

186
00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:32,918
Now, Cato, warm up the Silver Hornet.

187
00:25:56,367 --> 00:26:01,725
Cato, l very much suspect that
the Hornet is overdue for a service.

188
00:26:01,807 --> 00:26:05,800
So if you don't mind,
I�ll use your car tonight.

189
00:26:13,167 --> 00:26:15,158
<i>(sounds horn)</i>

190
00:26:24,247 --> 00:26:27,603
He's driving a white Peugeot.
Licence number is...

191
00:26:47,207 --> 00:26:50,324
By any chance,
are you going to Fontainebleau?

192
00:26:50,407 --> 00:26:52,796
- Well, l...
- Wonderful!

193
00:26:55,407 --> 00:26:59,195
How lucky can a girl get?
You're an absolute darling.

194
00:27:02,407 --> 00:27:05,240
- It�s green.
- It is?

195
00:27:05,327 --> 00:27:07,158
The traffic light.

196
00:27:07,247 --> 00:27:08,396
Oh!

197
00:27:16,287 --> 00:27:22,806
Generally speaking, it's dangerous for a
beautiful girl like you to hitchhike at night.

198
00:27:22,887 --> 00:27:28,803
That's because, generally speaking,
beautiful girls like me don't carry guns.

199
00:27:28,887 --> 00:27:30,878
Yes, yes.

200
00:27:36,007 --> 00:27:39,886
Are you saying that you carry a gun?

201
00:27:39,967 --> 00:27:44,757
Mm-hm. I�ve got it in here somewhere.
It�s not very big.

202
00:27:44,847 --> 00:27:49,637
- Watch it. It might go off.
- Only if you don't do exactly what I say.

203
00:27:51,047 --> 00:27:52,446
Listen, Miss, uh...

204
00:27:52,527 --> 00:27:54,677
- Russo.
- Russo?

205
00:27:54,767 --> 00:27:58,043
<i>(male voice)</i> But you can call me Claude.

206
00:28:00,447 --> 00:28:03,439
- ''Claude''?
- Pull off the road.

207
00:28:03,527 --> 00:28:06,883
The old ''pull off the road'' ploy, eh?

208
00:28:06,967 --> 00:28:12,599
Yes. Then we will see how you do with
the old ''take off all your clothes'' ploy.

209
00:28:40,447 --> 00:28:43,837
lf you don't want to freeze to death,
you'd better put on the dress.

210
00:28:43,927 --> 00:28:46,122
- Never!
- Suit yourself.

211
00:28:46,207 --> 00:28:50,644
But the dress is an original Dior,
and you've got sensational legs.

212
00:28:50,727 --> 00:28:52,126
<i>(blows kiss)</i>

213
00:28:58,407 --> 00:29:00,637
<i>(whistles)</i>

214
00:29:24,327 --> 00:29:25,680
<i>(phone)</i>

215
00:29:25,767 --> 00:29:27,758
<i>(man) Merde!</i>

216
00:29:30,087 --> 00:29:31,486
Yes?

217
00:29:33,327 --> 00:29:36,205
Oh... Good. Thank you.

218
00:29:36,287 --> 00:29:39,723
- Why don't you take it off the hook?
- Won't be necessary, my dear.

219
00:29:39,807 --> 00:29:43,720
The great Inspector Clouseau
will not be bothering us any more.

220
00:29:50,687 --> 00:29:52,405
Hello, boys!

221
00:29:52,487 --> 00:29:55,559
Oh! Am I glad to see you!

222
00:29:56,127 --> 00:29:59,039
And we are certainly glad to see you.

223
00:29:59,127 --> 00:30:02,358
Hey, hey, hey!
Wait a moment! Wait a moment!

224
00:30:02,447 --> 00:30:05,041
I am Chief Inspector Clouseau
of the S�ret�!

225
00:30:05,127 --> 00:30:07,118
- And I am Officer Bardot.
- ''Bardot''?

226
00:30:07,207 --> 00:30:09,277
But you can call me Brigitte.

227
00:30:09,367 --> 00:30:12,723
Brigitte! You are making
an understandable mistake.

228
00:30:12,807 --> 00:30:16,038
Don't let my legs fool you.
I�m really a man.

229
00:30:16,127 --> 00:30:18,118
<i>(solemn drum roll)</i>

230
00:30:19,207 --> 00:30:23,962
<i>(man) The palace flag</i>
<i>is lowered to half-mast.</i>

231
00:30:24,047 --> 00:30:28,404
<i>The president has declared</i>
<i>a day of national mourning.</i>

232
00:30:28,487 --> 00:30:34,039
<i>Only a few hours ago, the great detective</i>
<i>stood in this very courtyard,</i>

233
00:30:34,127 --> 00:30:39,804
<i>and was decorated by the president</i>
<i>for outstanding service to his country.</i>

234
00:30:39,887 --> 00:30:42,242
<i>According to the coroner's report,</i>

235
00:30:42,327 --> 00:30:45,637
<i>Chief Inspector Clouseau</i>
<i>was probably dead</i>

236
00:30:45,727 --> 00:30:50,721
<i>before his car hit the telephone pole</i>
<i>and burst into flames.</i>

237
00:30:54,807 --> 00:30:57,879
The president called me
at six o'clock this morning.

238
00:30:57,967 --> 00:31:01,642
A dozen countries have offered
the services of their finest detectives,

239
00:31:01,727 --> 00:31:04,082
but the president made it painfully clear

240
00:31:04,167 --> 00:31:07,000
that this must be solved
by Frenchmen, and quickly.

241
00:31:07,087 --> 00:31:11,205
- Or we can all hand in our resignations.
- l spoke with Dr Laprone at the hospital.

242
00:31:11,287 --> 00:31:15,360
He assures me
that Dreyfus is completely cured.

243
00:31:15,447 --> 00:31:16,926
It�s amazing.

244
00:31:17,007 --> 00:31:21,717
I�ve seen some lunatics in my time, but
they were all pikers compared to Dreyfus.

245
00:31:21,807 --> 00:31:25,038
- He was like a wild animal!
- Didn't he actually bite you?

246
00:31:25,127 --> 00:31:28,278
Oh, yes. On the leg.

247
00:31:28,367 --> 00:31:30,756
l had to take rabies shots, just in case.

248
00:31:30,847 --> 00:31:33,315
The doctor swears
his recovery is complete.

249
00:31:33,407 --> 00:31:38,083
He said that in the last 12 hours,
Dreyfus has literally become a new man.

250
00:31:38,167 --> 00:31:40,158
<i>Thank God for that, because we need him.</i>

251
00:31:40,247 --> 00:31:43,922
<i>lf anyone knows about Clouseau</i>
<i>and who might have murdered him,</i>

252
00:31:44,007 --> 00:31:47,124
<i>that man is former</i>
<i>Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus.</i>

253
00:31:47,967 --> 00:31:50,197
Isn't it fantastic, Doctor?

254
00:31:50,287 --> 00:31:54,724
Reinstated at my former rank,
with no loss of pay or social benefits.

255
00:31:54,807 --> 00:31:58,197
Yes. It could actually be called
a psychic rebirth.

256
00:31:58,287 --> 00:32:01,085
I�m in your debt.
l shall be eternally grateful.

257
00:32:01,167 --> 00:32:03,681
l only helped. l led the way.

258
00:32:03,767 --> 00:32:07,123
But in the final analysis,
it was your victory, Charles.

259
00:32:07,207 --> 00:32:09,243
<i>Our</i> victory, Paul. <i>(laughs)</i>

260
00:32:09,327 --> 00:32:11,602
But only at the expense of another.

261
00:32:11,687 --> 00:32:14,326
Huh? Oh, Clouseau, you mean.

262
00:32:14,407 --> 00:32:18,685
It could be said that he died
so that you might live.

263
00:32:18,767 --> 00:32:22,396
- l wish l could feel sorry.
- You feel no guilt?

264
00:32:22,487 --> 00:32:24,239
None.

265
00:32:24,327 --> 00:32:27,239
To be honest,
when l first heard he was dead,

266
00:32:27,327 --> 00:32:31,240
there were a few moments
when l was actually convinced

267
00:32:31,327 --> 00:32:34,239
l was in a state of grace. <i>(laughs)</i>

268
00:32:34,327 --> 00:32:38,286
- Is that wrong?
- It isn't a matter of right or wrong.

269
00:32:38,367 --> 00:32:40,323
Look, l hated him.

270
00:32:40,407 --> 00:32:43,717
He literally drove me
out of my mind, as you know.

271
00:32:43,807 --> 00:32:47,402
Isn�t it natural that
l should feel happiness, even joy,

272
00:32:47,487 --> 00:32:52,003
at the thought of him being dead,
out of the way, and gone for ever?

273
00:32:52,087 --> 00:32:56,842
Natural, yes. But there is a danger
that such feelings might promote guilt.

274
00:32:56,927 --> 00:32:59,521
Clouseau would come back
and haunt you.

275
00:32:59,607 --> 00:33:02,280
- I have no guilt.
- Not now.

276
00:33:02,367 --> 00:33:06,997
Not ever. Clouseau is gone,
and I am free, for ever.

277
00:33:07,087 --> 00:33:10,716
- Now, have a cigar.
- Thank you, Charles.

278
00:33:10,807 --> 00:33:13,162
I�ve made the arrangements
for your release.

279
00:33:13,247 --> 00:33:16,159
The S�ret� is sending a car
for you to be picked up at 5.30.

280
00:33:16,247 --> 00:33:18,807
Remember,
you're on probation for 12 months.

281
00:33:18,887 --> 00:33:22,516
lf you have any problems,
call on me immediately.

282
00:33:22,607 --> 00:33:24,245
Thank you, Paul.

283
00:33:30,087 --> 00:33:32,726
Officer, you are making
a most serious mistake.

284
00:33:32,807 --> 00:33:35,719
Release me immediately,
or l will personally see to it

285
00:33:35,807 --> 00:33:39,243
you are transferred to Martinique,
and spend the rest of your career

286
00:33:39,327 --> 00:33:42,160
writing traffic citations
and checking parking meters.

287
00:33:42,247 --> 00:33:46,001
The man who was killed in that car,
my car - uh, Cato's car - was not me.

288
00:33:46,087 --> 00:33:48,601
He was wearing my clothes.
These are his clothes.

289
00:33:48,687 --> 00:33:50,962
I am Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

290
00:33:51,047 --> 00:33:52,924
Miss or Mrs?

291
00:33:53,007 --> 00:33:56,397
You fool! The president himself,
when he decorated me, said:

292
00:33:56,487 --> 00:33:59,240
''Clouseau, you are a man of courage.''

293
00:33:59,327 --> 00:34:02,000
He called me
the greatest detective in all of France!

294
00:34:02,087 --> 00:34:04,965
You charlatan! Impostor!

295
00:34:05,047 --> 00:34:07,686
All right. Calm down, Mr Poirot.

296
00:34:07,767 --> 00:34:10,042
- Poirot?
- Yes!

297
00:34:10,127 --> 00:34:13,722
Yes, but you can call me Hercule.

298
00:34:14,167 --> 00:34:17,045
And <i>l</i> am the greatest detective
in all of France,

299
00:34:17,127 --> 00:34:19,880
the greatest in all the world.

300
00:34:19,967 --> 00:34:21,764
<i>(blows raspberry)</i>

301
00:34:25,087 --> 00:34:27,078
That man is obviously crazy.

302
00:34:27,167 --> 00:34:29,886
Uh-uh. We do not use
that word round here.

303

00:34:29,967 --> 00:34:31,958
Oh? What do you
normally use round here?

304
00:34:32,047 --> 00:34:35,642
- Now, now.
- He is very ''now, now'', l can tell you that.

305
00:34:35,727 --> 00:34:37,604
Court order.

306
00:34:37,687 --> 00:34:42,158
l shall need your signature
on the transfer document.

307
00:34:45,367 --> 00:34:51,636
90 days' comprehensive - thank you -
psychiatric examination.

308
00:34:52,967 --> 00:34:54,559
Hey!

309
00:35:29,767 --> 00:35:31,519
Peekaboo?

310
00:35:33,087 --> 00:35:36,204
Your car's at the entrance, Inspector.

311
00:35:43,527 --> 00:35:46,519
Goodbye, Chief Inspector Dreyfus.

312
00:35:56,247 --> 00:36:01,446
- Good evening, Chief Inspector Dreyfus.
- <i>(gruffly)</i> Good evening, Fran�ois.

313
00:36:05,287 --> 00:36:08,438
It�s good to have you back on the job,
Chief Inspector.

314
00:36:08,527 --> 00:36:12,202
Is it true that you will take charge
of the Clouseau investigation?

315
00:36:12,287 --> 00:36:15,040
- Yes, yes.
- You must feel torn.

316
00:36:15,127 --> 00:36:20,042
On the one hand, it is your duty to send
the guilty parties to the guillotine.

317
00:36:20,127 --> 00:36:23,085
On the other hand... <i>(laughs)</i>

318
00:36:23,167 --> 00:36:26,921
I am sure you'd rather
congratulate them, eh?

319
00:36:27,007 --> 00:36:29,521
Can you imagine?
A state funeral for that idiot?

320
00:36:29,607 --> 00:36:32,883
The president. Dignitaries from
all over the world will be coming.

321
00:36:32,967 --> 00:36:36,323
Why, there's a rumour
the Pope might even show up.

322
00:36:36,407 --> 00:36:38,398
The Peup?

323
00:36:39,807 --> 00:36:41,923
- ''Peup''?
- What?

324
00:36:42,007 --> 00:36:43,998
You said ''Peup''.

325
00:36:44,087 --> 00:36:47,363
- Do you have a cold?
- Oh, yes. Yes, I have.

326
00:36:47,447 --> 00:36:49,836
I have the cold in the chest, you know.

327
00:36:50,767 --> 00:36:53,804
You sound terrible.
Do you want me to send you a doctor?

328
00:36:53,887 --> 00:36:56,959
No, no. It�s much better than it sounds.

329
00:36:57,047 --> 00:37:00,483
Anyway, I want to go directly
to the Clouseau apartments

330
00:37:00,567 --> 00:37:03,286
to commence the search for the clues.

331
00:37:03,367 --> 00:37:04,482
Yes, sir.

332
00:37:30,527 --> 00:37:33,963
- Is this the Clouseau residence?
- Yes.

333
00:37:40,287 --> 00:37:45,759
This is also the residence
of the Clouseau manservant, Cato Fong?

334
00:37:46,567 --> 00:37:48,364
Yes.

335
00:37:48,447 --> 00:37:53,999
Then be so good as to tell him that l wish
to have speaks with him, would you?

336
00:37:54,087 --> 00:37:58,797
And who should l say
''wish to have speaks'' with Mr Fong?

337
00:38:00,167 --> 00:38:02,397
Tell him it is an old friend.

338
00:38:02,487 --> 00:38:04,876
Mr Fong has many old friends.

339
00:38:04,967 --> 00:38:06,639
Listen, you.

340
00:38:06,727 --> 00:38:12,882
Tell him it is Chief Inspector... Clouseau.

341
00:38:12,967 --> 00:38:17,722
Why didn't you say so in the first place?
Please come in.

342
00:38:27,327 --> 00:38:28,726
Good evening.

343
00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:31,480
- And congratulations.
- What?

344
00:38:31,567 --> 00:38:33,364
You are our first Caucasian,

345
00:38:33,447 --> 00:38:37,156
and that entitles you
to a 10�/% discount until midnight.

346
00:38:37,247 --> 00:38:40,239
- Who are you?
- Mrs Wu. But you can call me Madam.

347
00:38:40,327 --> 00:38:42,124
<i>(doorbell)</i>

348
00:38:43,487 --> 00:38:45,796
- Yes?
- Inspector Clouseau.

349
00:38:45,887 --> 00:38:48,447
Oh! Please come in.

350
00:38:48,527 --> 00:38:50,643
- Madam.
- Welcome.

351
00:38:50,727 --> 00:38:54,800
- Good evening.
- Please, make yourself at home.

352
00:38:55,807 --> 00:38:58,401
That man just called himself
Inspector Clouseau.

353
00:38:58,487 --> 00:39:03,163
It was Mr Fong's idea, but personally,
I think we should have a better password.

354
00:39:03,247 --> 00:39:05,044
Password?!

355
00:39:11,687 --> 00:39:15,316
Madam, l demand to know
exactly what is going on in here.

356
00:39:15,407 --> 00:39:18,638
Well, just about anything
your little heart desires.

357
00:39:18,727 --> 00:39:21,287
But first, why don't you relax?

358
00:39:21,367 --> 00:39:26,521
Give Benson your hat and your coat,
have a drink, get to know the girls.

359
00:39:26,607 --> 00:39:28,677
And then, when you are up to it,

360
00:39:28,767 --> 00:39:33,761
you can choose from a wide variety
of exciting little diversions.

361
00:39:36,447 --> 00:39:40,122
But I see that
you already have a preference.

362
00:39:49,767 --> 00:39:53,806
Allow me to introduce
Tanya, the Lotus Eater.

363
00:39:54,807 --> 00:39:57,560
What else does she do?

364
00:40:02,807 --> 00:40:05,879
l warn you, Tanya the Easter Lotus,

365
00:40:05,967 --> 00:40:09,164
I am opposed to the women's libs.

366
00:40:10,167 --> 00:40:14,160
Man is the master,
and women's place is in the home.

367
00:40:14,247 --> 00:40:15,726
<i>- (whip swishes)</i>
- Ooh! Ow!

368
00:40:16,247 --> 00:40:19,444
And another round-eye bites the dust.

369
00:40:19,527 --> 00:40:21,518
<i>- (whip)</i>
- Aagh! Aaaow!

370
00:40:30,927 --> 00:40:32,918
Cato!

371
00:40:36,767 --> 00:40:38,758
Aaagh! Ooh!

372
00:40:40,767 --> 00:40:44,555
Take your hands off me, you oriental fool!
You are under arrest!

373
00:40:44,647 --> 00:40:48,162
- Anything you say will be taken down...
- Arrest?!

374
00:40:48,247 --> 00:40:51,398
You have the right to remain silent,
but let me tell you this:

375
00:40:51,487 --> 00:40:54,559
I am not your ordinary,
run-of-the-mill transvestite.

376
00:40:54,647 --> 00:40:57,559
- Say no more!
- What was that talk about arresting us?

377
00:40:57,647 --> 00:41:00,445
- He was just kidding, weren't you, boss?
- Boss?

378
00:41:00,527 --> 00:41:02,643
l used to work for him.
He used to be a cop.

379
00:41:02,727 --> 00:41:06,322
- A cop?!
- Tell them you were kidding, boss.

380
00:41:07,647 --> 00:41:10,366
Yes, he is right.

381
00:41:10,447 --> 00:41:13,245
l was just kidding.

382
00:41:13,327 --> 00:41:18,242
Cross my heart and...
hope to meet you again sometime.

383
00:41:18,327 --> 00:41:20,636
And you, Madam.

384
00:41:20,727 --> 00:41:24,845
And you, too. You two
should be ashamed of yourselves.

385
00:41:24,927 --> 00:41:28,044
And you! I want to talk to you, Cato!

386
00:41:28,127 --> 00:41:31,756
- Here. Come in here. Listen now.
- Please, boss!

387
00:41:32,087 --> 00:41:33,315
l thought you were dead!

388
00:41:33,407 --> 00:41:39,596
So, as a tribute to my memory, you
open up this... Chinese nooky factory!

389
00:41:40,087 --> 00:41:44,080
l had to do something to keep busy.
Besides, a first-rate joint like this

390
00:41:44,167 --> 00:41:48,797
can make as much as
three, four hundred thousand a year!

391
00:41:49,807 --> 00:41:52,082
- Is that net?
- No, gross.

392
00:41:52,167 --> 00:41:55,762
But even so, a smart operator
can clear a coupla hundred grand,

393
00:41:55,847 --> 00:41:58,077
and that ain't exactly chicken feed.

394
00:41:58,167 --> 00:41:59,395
No.

395
00:41:59,487 --> 00:42:05,084
No, and ten years on Devil's Island
ain't exactly the chicken's feed either,

396
00:42:05,167 --> 00:42:07,237
my greedy little yellow pimp.

397
00:42:07,327 --> 00:42:08,521
Ow!

398
00:42:08,607 --> 00:42:11,758
I�ll have to close up anyway,
now that <i>you're</i> alive.

399
00:42:11,847 --> 00:42:17,683
Yes. Yes, normally that is
precisely what you would have to do.

400
00:42:17,767 --> 00:42:21,316
But these are not normal times, Cato.

401
00:42:21,407 --> 00:42:24,160
- Someone has just tried to kill me.
- That's normal.

402
00:42:24,247 --> 00:42:28,206
Ah, but this time
that someone thinks he has succeeded.

403
00:42:28,327 --> 00:42:32,366
Except for you and me,
the whole world believes that I am dead.

404
00:42:32,447 --> 00:42:36,235
And in this case, death has its advantages.

405
00:42:38,967 --> 00:42:41,003
No one will know it is me

406
00:42:41,087 --> 00:42:43,442
as I glide... <i>(coughs)</i>

407
00:42:43,527 --> 00:42:46,360
through the underworld like a shadow.

408
00:42:48,287 --> 00:42:52,644
- Good evening, Commissioner.
- Charles! <i>(laughs)</i>

409
00:42:52,727 --> 00:42:54,524
I, uh...

410
00:42:55,607 --> 00:42:56,676
Thank you.

411
00:42:56,767 --> 00:43:02,444
I�m sorry to be late, but as you must have
heard, a lunatic was hiding in my closet.

412
00:43:02,527 --> 00:43:04,643
Yes. Russo.

413
00:43:04,727 --> 00:43:06,399
Russo?

414
00:43:06,487 --> 00:43:08,159
Russo...

415
00:43:08,247 --> 00:43:10,920
- Ah!
- You remember?

416
00:43:11,007 --> 00:43:13,601
Why wouldn't I?
It was only three years ago.

417
00:43:13,687 --> 00:43:16,485
Of course. Claude Russo.

418
00:43:16,567 --> 00:43:20,480
Alias Claudine Russo.
Armed robbery, dressed as a woman.

419
00:43:20,567 --> 00:43:22,285
But he got five years.

420
00:43:22,367 --> 00:43:25,404
He was released on parole
three months ago.

421
00:43:25,487 --> 00:43:27,796
So it could have been Russo.

422
00:43:27,887 --> 00:43:30,037
He's clever.

423
00:43:30,127 --> 00:43:32,925
- Clever enough to fool Fran�ois?
- Huh!

424
00:43:33,647 --> 00:43:36,320
l like Fran�ois, but fooling him

425
00:43:36,407 --> 00:43:41,527
no longer constitutes an act of more
than average cleverness, shall we say?

426
00:43:45,127 --> 00:43:48,244
l always thought
he was rather a good policeman.

427
00:43:48,327 --> 00:43:52,878
When he was my assistant, he was a very
good policeman, with a bright future.

428
00:43:52,967 --> 00:43:56,403
- But then he was assigned to Clouseau.
- Oh, now, now, Charles.

429
00:43:56,487 --> 00:43:59,365
- All that's in the past.
- Yes, of course.

430
00:44:00,247 --> 00:44:03,956
Tomorrow morning,
when they plant him six feet deep

431
00:44:04,047 --> 00:44:06,356
and shovel in the dirt... <i>(laughs)</i>

432
00:44:06,447 --> 00:44:09,120
l shall be truly free.

433
00:44:09,207 --> 00:44:13,166
And unless he's figured out
a way to come back from the dead,

434
00:44:13,247 --> 00:44:17,604
nothing anyone does or says about him
will ever make any difference again.

435

00:44:17,687 --> 00:44:21,282
- Shall we do some work?
- That reminds me.

436
00:44:23,287 --> 00:44:27,565
- What is it?
- The chief wants you to give the eulogy.

437
00:44:27,647 --> 00:44:29,877
- The what?
- The tribute.

438
00:44:29,967 --> 00:44:32,561
- Me?!
- You knew him intimately.

439
00:44:32,647 --> 00:44:34,365
l hated him intimately.

440
00:44:34,447 --> 00:44:38,281
But you're the expert who's
going to track down his murderers.

441
00:44:38,367 --> 00:44:42,155
I�m the expert who
would love to kiss his murderers!

442
00:44:42,247 --> 00:44:44,966
The PR people <i>loved</i> the angle.

443
00:44:46,247 --> 00:44:48,442
It�s sacrilege! l won't do it.

444
00:44:48,527 --> 00:44:49,846
Politics.

445
00:44:49,927 --> 00:44:52,236
No. I�m a good Catholic.

446
00:44:52,327 --> 00:44:54,887
- So's the chief's wife.
- I don't care.

447
00:44:54,967 --> 00:44:57,242
What's she got to do with it?

448
00:44:57,327 --> 00:44:59,443
She wrote the speech.

449
00:45:00,567 --> 00:45:02,444
Ladies and gentlemen,

450
00:45:03,567 --> 00:45:05,842
honoured guests,

451
00:45:05,927 --> 00:45:07,599
dear friends. <i>(clears throat)</i>

452
00:45:08,927 --> 00:45:13,796
We are gathered here to say... goodbye

453
00:45:13,887 --> 00:45:15,957
to a, uh...

454
00:45:17,767 --> 00:45:20,042
a great man.

455
00:45:20,127 --> 00:45:21,685
<i>(stifles laugh)</i>

456
00:45:22,407 --> 00:45:24,398
<i>(coughs)</i>

457
00:45:24,967 --> 00:45:28,755
Not only was he a model police officer,

458
00:45:28,847 --> 00:45:31,156
a brilliant detective,

459
00:45:33,167 --> 00:45:37,319
admired and respected
by his fellow officers,

460
00:45:37,847 --> 00:45:41,806
and all those
who were fortunate enough...

461
00:45:42,807 --> 00:45:44,923
enough...

462
00:45:45,007 --> 00:45:46,998
enough to know him.

463
00:45:48,167 --> 00:45:50,635
He was, above all else,

464
00:45:52,407 --> 00:45:54,398
a modest man.

465
00:46:10,607 --> 00:46:13,644
His kind will not pass this way again,

466
00:46:15,047 --> 00:46:17,277
and our loss is surely...

467
00:46:19,087 --> 00:46:21,078
heaven's gain.

468
00:46:31,727 --> 00:46:33,877
Present arms!

469
00:46:34,887 --> 00:46:36,878
Fire!

470
00:46:42,887 --> 00:46:44,878
Fire!

471
00:46:48,487 --> 00:46:50,478
Fire!

472
00:46:51,407 --> 00:46:54,080
- Get rid of that woman.
- We'll talk about it later.

473
00:46:54,167 --> 00:46:57,239
I want your answer now,
or I sue for divorce.

474
00:46:57,327 --> 00:47:00,478
- I�m warning you, Therese.
- What will you do? Have me killed?

475
00:47:00,567 --> 00:47:02,558
<i>(priest prays in Latin)</i>

476
00:47:30,127 --> 00:47:34,279
Gentlemen... you will be relieved to know

477
00:47:34,367 --> 00:47:39,043
that our friend in New York was very
impressed by our little demonstration.

478
00:47:39,127 --> 00:47:41,197
It was a good idea, Guy.

479
00:47:41,287 --> 00:47:44,962
- The Gannet transaction is on again.
- The same delivery date?

480
00:47:45,047 --> 00:47:48,084
- Unless there's something l don't know.
- l spoke to Hong Kong.

481
00:47:48,167 --> 00:47:52,126
- They say the Gannet's right on schedule.
- Good.

482
00:47:52,207 --> 00:47:57,520
That means this time next week we can
declare ourselves a very healthy dividend,

483
00:47:57,607 --> 00:48:03,045
letting our international colleagues know
the French Connection's back in business.

484
00:48:03,127 --> 00:48:08,884
I�ll be at the farm, and I do not want to be
contacted except in extreme emergency.

485
00:48:08,967 --> 00:48:10,366
Meeting adjourned.

486
00:48:17,487 --> 00:48:19,478
Guy?

487
00:48:19,567 --> 00:48:23,765
- Stick around, will you? l might need you.
- Right.

488
00:48:25,287 --> 00:48:29,963
Miss Legree, would you
come in here for a moment, please?

489
00:48:40,567 --> 00:48:43,206
Well, now, what's wrong with you?

490
00:48:43,287 --> 00:48:46,723
- We have to stop seeing each other.
- Your wife?

491
00:48:47,167 --> 00:48:51,080
- Mm-hm.
- That witch. OK, how long this time?

492
00:48:51,807 --> 00:48:55,766
- I�m afraid this time permanently.
- Permanently?

493
00:48:56,847 --> 00:49:00,726
- Permanently? Permanently?!
- She gave me an ultimatum.

494
00:49:00,807 --> 00:49:03,367
- You're saying you have no choice?
- I haven't.

495
00:49:03,447 --> 00:49:06,120
- You have too. Get rid of her!
- My own wife?

496
00:49:06,207 --> 00:49:09,836
- Get rid of her! Why can't you?
- She's got enough evidence to ruin me.

497
00:49:09,927 --> 00:49:14,045
If anything happens to her, her attorney
will give it to the authorities!

498
00:49:14,127 --> 00:49:17,085
- Then get rid of the authorities!
- Who do you think I am?

499
00:49:17,167 --> 00:49:20,000
- Get rid of her attorney!
- Get rid of her attorney?!

500
00:49:20,087 --> 00:49:23,921
- I couldn't afford the scandal.
- Scandal? I�ll show you scandal.

501
00:49:24,007 --> 00:49:28,285
It�s not that I love her. You know I don't.
I just need her respectability.

502
00:49:28,367 --> 00:49:30,244
- Permanently?
- Yes.

503
00:49:30,327 --> 00:49:34,206
You mean six years together,
just washed up, just over with?

504
00:49:34,287 --> 00:49:35,520
- I�m afraid so. I�m sorry.
- That's just wonderful.