1 00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:47,608 - It's 2 o'clock in the morning. - Oh, George! 2 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,109 Well, it is. 3 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,279 What a cluck you are! 4 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,948 It's late, you know. It's late. 5 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,091 What a dump! 6 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,597 Hey, what's that from? "What a dump!" 7 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,766 How would I know? 8 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,936 Oh, come on, what's it from? You know! 9 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,274 What's it from, for Christ's sake? 10 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,109 What's what from? 11 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,947 I just told you. I just did it. 12 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,282 "What a dump!" 13 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,285 Huh? What's that from? 14 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,454 I haven't the faintest idea. 15 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,331 Dumbbell! 16 00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:52,125 It's from some Bette Davis picture... 17 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,461 ...some goddamn Warner Brothers epic. 18 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:58,799 Martha, I can't remember all the films that came out of Warner Brothers. 19 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,135 Nobody's asking you to remember every Warner Brothers epic. 20 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,638 Just one single little epic. That's all. 21 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,808 Bette Davis gets peritonitis at the end. 22 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,811 And she wears a fright wig throughout the picture. 23 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,313 She's married to Joseph Cotten or something. 24 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,648 Somebody. 25 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:20,320 She wants to go to Chicago because she loves that actor with the scar. 26 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,114 She gets sick... 27 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,491 ...and sits down at her dressing table... 28 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,326 What actor? What scar? 29 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,496 I can't remember his name! What's the picture? 30 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,832 I want to know the name of the picture. 31 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,669 She gets this peritonitis... 32 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,840 ...and decides to go to Chicago anyway. 33 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,509 "Chicago"! It's called "Chicago." 34 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,346 What is? 35 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,766 I mean the picture. It's "Chicago." 36 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,519 Oh, good grief! 37 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,189 Don't you know anything? 38 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,692 "Chicago" was a '30s musical... 39 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:02,529 ...starring little Miss Alice Faye. Don't you know anything? 40 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,865 This picture... 41 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:09,369 ...Bette Davis comes home from a hard day at the grocery store... 42 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,371 She works in a grocery store? 43 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:15,375 She's a housewife. She buys things. 44 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,046 She comes with the groceries... 45 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,382 ...and she walks into the modest living room... 46 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:26,553 ...of the modest cottage modest Joseph Cotten set her up in. 47 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:27,721 Are they married? 48 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,725 Yes, they're married. To each other, cluck! 49 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:37,231 And she comes in and she looks around this room... 50 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,068 ...and she sets down her groceries. 51 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:42,903 And she says... 52 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,906 ..."What a dump!" 53 00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,747 She's discontent. 54 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,418 What's the name of the picture? 55 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,754 I really don't know. 56 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,422 Well, think! 57 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:03,757 I'm tired, dear. 58 00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:07,427 I don't know why you're tired. You didn't do anything today. 59 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,555 - I'm tired. - You didn't have classes. 60 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:13,600 If your father didn't always set up these Saturday night orgies... 61 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,769 Well, it's just too bad about you. 62 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,771 Well, that's how it is anyway. 63 00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:22,442 You didn't do anything. You never do. You never mix! 64 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,444 You just sit around and talk. 65 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:29,283 What do you want me to do? Bray at everyone all night like you do? 66 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,285 I don't bray! 67 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,620 All right, you don't bray. 68 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,123 I did not bray. 69 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,958 I said you didn't bray! 70 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,128 Fix me a drink. 71 00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:43,797 Haven't you had enough? 72 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,800 I said fix me a drink! 73 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:52,806 Well, I don't suppose a nightcap would kill either of us. 74 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,976 A nightcap? Are you kidding? 75 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,770 We've got guests. 76 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:01,906 Got what? 77 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,987 Guests. Guests! 78 00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:13,327 Yeah, guests. People. We've got guests coming over. 79 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:14,870 When? 80 00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:16,872 Now. 81 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,167 Good Lord, Martha, do you know what time it is? 82 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,337 Who's coming over? 83 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,797 - What's-their-name. - Who? 84 00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:29,134 Who's what's-their-name? 85 00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:33,180 I don't know their name, George. 86 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:38,185 We met tonight. They're new. He's in the math department or something. 87 00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:41,021 I don't remember meeting anybody tonight. 88 00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:42,814 Well, you did. 89 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,859 Of all the asinine... Who are these people? 90 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:49,029 He's in the Math Department. 91 00:08:49,238 --> 00:08:50,113 Who? 92 00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:55,202 He's in the Math Department. He's young and he's blond... 93 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,538 He's good-looking, well-built? 94 00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,374 Yes, good-looking, well-built. 95 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,710 - It figures. - What? 96 00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:05,045 Nothing. 97 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:09,049 His wife's a mousy little type without any hips or anything. 98 00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:11,385 Remember them now? 99 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,721 I guess so. But why do they have to come over now? 100 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:18,058 Because Daddy said we should be nice to them, that's why. 101 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,395 - Daddy said we should be nice to them. - Why now...? 102 00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:24,231 Because Daddy said we should be nice to them! 103 00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:28,068 He didn't mean we were supposed to stay up all night with them. 104 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:30,404 We could have them over some Sunday. 105 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:33,073 Well, never mind. Besides, it is Sunday. 106 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,076 Very early Sunday. 107 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,538 - It's ridiculous! - Well, it's done. 108 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:08,942 Where are they? If we've got guests, where are they? 109 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,777 They'll be here soon. 110 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,405 What'd they do, go home and get some sleep first? 111 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,283 They'll be here. 112 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:17,868 I wish you'd tell me... 113 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,163 ...about things. Stop springing things on me all the time. 114 00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:24,333 I don't spring things on you all the time. 115 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:28,295 You really do! You're always springing things on me. 116 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,422 Always. 117 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:35,093 Poor Georgie Porgie put-upon-pie. 118 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:44,937 What are you doing? Are you sulking? 119 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,942 Let me see. Are you sulking? 120 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,611 Is that what you're doing? 121 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,613 Never mind. 122 00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:58,951 Just don't bother yourself. 123 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:12,631 Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf, Virginia Woolf, Virginia Woolf? 124 00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:22,975 What's wrong? Didn't think it's funny? I thought it was a scream. 125 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,476 It was all right. 126 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,979 You laughed when you heard it at the party. 127 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,814 I smiled. I didn't laugh. 128 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,483 You laughed your goddamn head off! 129 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:32,659 It was all right. 130 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,653 It was a scream. 131 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,823 It was very funny, yes. 132 00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,284 You make me puke. 133 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,662 You make me puke. 134 00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:46,456 Wasn't a very nice thing to say. 135 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,333 That wasn't what? 136 00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:50,502 A very nice thing to say. 137 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,504 Oh, I like your anger. 138 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:56,341 I think that's what I like about you most. 139 00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:58,010 Your anger. 140 00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:03,599 You are such a simp! 141 00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,684 You haven't got... 142 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,146 ...the what? 143 00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:11,698 Guts? 144 00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,027 Phrase-maker. 145 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,760 You never put any ice in my drink. Why is that? 146 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:43,722 I always put ice in your drinks. You eat it, that's all. 147 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:48,560 It's this habit you've got of chewing on your ice cubes like a cocker spaniel. 148 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,231 You'll crack your big teeth. 149 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,234 Well, they're my big teeth. 150 00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,402 Yeah, some of them, some of them. 151 00:12:57,778 --> 00:12:59,738 I've got more teeth than you have. 152 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,240 Two more. 153 00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:05,577 And you're going bald. 154 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:07,420 So are you. 155 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,099 Hello, honey. 156 00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:34,106 Come on and give your mommy a big sloppy kiss. 157 00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:38,277 I want a big sloppy kiss! 158 00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:40,445 I don't want to kiss you right now. 159 00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:44,783 Where are these people you invited? 160 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:49,788 Where is this good looking, well-built young man and his slim-hipped wife? 161 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,958 Talking to Daddy. They'll be here. 162 00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:57,629 Why didn't you want to kiss me? 163 00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:12,728 Why didn't you want to kiss me? 164 00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:17,149 If I kissed you I'd get all excited. I'd get beside myself... 165 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,819 ...and then I'd have to take you by force on the living room rug. 166 00:14:21,195 --> 00:14:25,657 Then our guests would walk in and what would your father say about that? 167 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,826 Oh, you pig! 168 00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:32,498 Fix me another drink, lover. 169 00:14:33,207 --> 00:14:35,501 God, you can swill it down, can't you? 170 00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,169 I'm thirsty! 171 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,504 Oh, Jesus! 172 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:42,841 I can drink you under any table you want, so don't worry about me. 173 00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:47,846 You got the prize years ago. You've won every abomination award. 174 00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:51,350 I swear if you existed I'd divorce you. 175 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:54,853 - Stay on your feet for your guests. - I can't even see you! 176 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:59,358 If you pass out or throw up... And try to keep your clothes on too. 177 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:04,029 There's no more sickening sight than you drunk and your skirt over your head. 178 00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,365 Your heads, I should say. 179 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,701 Party! Party! 180 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,746 I'm really looking forward to this. 181 00:15:12,955 --> 00:15:14,915 - Go answer the door. - You answer it. 182 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,375 Get to that door, you! 183 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:18,710 Come on in! 184 00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,546 Get over and answer that door. 185 00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:25,050 All right. Whatever love wants. Just don't start on the bit, that's all. 186 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,969 The bit? 187 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,556 What language is that? Imitating one of your students? 188 00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:33,892 Don't start in on the bit about the kid, that's all. 189 00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:36,562 - What do you take me for? - Much too much. 190 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,730 I'll start in on the kid if I want to. 191 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,232 I'd advise against it. 192 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:43,735 Well, good for you. Get over there and open that door. 193 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,237 You've been advised. 194 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:46,572 Sure. Get over there. 195 00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,740 Yes, love. Whatever love wants. 196 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,243 Some people still have manners... 197 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:54,246 ...and just don't break into people's houses. 198 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:58,250 Even if they hear a subhuman monster yowling at them from inside. 199 00:15:58,625 --> 00:15:59,751 Goddamn you! 200 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,721 You must be our little guests. 201 00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:14,516 Just ignore old sourpuss here. Come on in, kids! 202 00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,936 Just hand your coats to old sourpuss here. 203 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:19,771 Perhaps we shouldn't have come. 204 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:21,607 Yes, it is late! 205 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:25,777 Late! Are you kidding? Just throw your stuff down any place. 206 00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:28,947 Furniture, floor. Makes no difference around here. 207 00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:31,617 I told you we shouldn't have come. 208 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,952 I said come on in. Now come on! 209 00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,624 Look, muckmouth, you cut that out! 210 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,960 Martha's a devil with language. 211 00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:46,006 Kids, sit down. 212 00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,970 Isn't this lovely? 213 00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:57,059 - Yes, indeed. Very handsome. - Thank you. 214 00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:13,951 Who did the painting? 215 00:17:15,536 --> 00:17:18,997 Some Greek with a mustache Martha attacked one night in a... 216 00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:24,002 It's got a... 217 00:17:24,545 --> 00:17:26,505 - Quiet intensity? - Well, no... 218 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:29,007 Then a certain noisy relaxed quality maybe? 219 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,011 How about a quietly noisy relaxed intensity? 220 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,013 Dear, you're being joshed. 221 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:36,849 I'm aware of that. 222 00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,183 I am sorry. 223 00:17:38,559 --> 00:17:43,021 It's actually a pictorial representation of the order of Martha's mind. 224 00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:47,693 Fix the kids a drink. 225 00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:49,736 What would you like to drink? 226 00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:53,574 What would you like? 227 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,703 A little brandy maybe. Never mix, never worry! 228 00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,205 Brandy? Just brandy. Simple, simple. 229 00:18:00,581 --> 00:18:02,040 What about you... 230 00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,421 Bourbon, if you don't mind. 231 00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:10,048 Mind? I don't mind. Don't think I mind. 232 00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:12,217 Martha, rubbing alcohol for you? 233 00:18:12,593 --> 00:18:14,553 Sure. Never mix, never worry! 234 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:27,733 Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf? 235 00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:33,071 Wasn't that funny? That was so funny! 236 00:18:33,739 --> 00:18:34,573 Yes, it was. 237 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,909 I thought I'd bust a gut! 238 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,914 George didn't think it was funny. 239 00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:45,751 Martha thinks that unless you bust a gut you're not amused. 240 00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,754 Unless you carry on like a hyena you're not having fun. 241 00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:51,924 I certainly had fun. It was a wonderful party! 242 00:18:52,216 --> 00:18:56,261 - It certainly was. - Your father, he is so wonderful! 243 00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:01,433 He's quite a guy, isn't he? 244 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,101 You better believe it. 245 00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:04,937 He's a marvelous man. 246 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,439 I'm not tearing him down. We know he's a god. 247 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,107 You lay off my father. 248 00:19:09,483 --> 00:19:12,444 When you've had as many faculty parties as I have... 249 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,112 I rather appreciated it. 250 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,784 I mean aside from enjoying it, I appreciated it. 251 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:23,789 Meeting, introducing, how he had us stay at the Inn till our place is ready. 252 00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:25,791 When I taught in Kansas... 253 00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:27,459 You won't believe it... 254 00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:32,631 ...but we had to make our way all by ourselves. Isn't that right, dear? 255 00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,800 We had to make our own way. 256 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:39,304 I'd have to go up to the wives in the library or the supermarket... 257 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,140 ...and say, "Hello, I am new here." 258 00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:45,978 "You must be Mrs. So-and-so, Doctor So-and-so's wife." 259 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,480 It really wasn't very nice at all. 260 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,861 Daddy knows how to run things. 261 00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:56,029 He's a remarkable man. 262 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,698 You bet your sweet life. 263 00:19:58,699 --> 00:19:59,867 I'll tell you a secret. 264 00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:05,038 There are easier things in this world, if you teach at the university... 265 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,374 ...than being married to the daughter of... 266 00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:11,378 ...the president of that university. There are easier things. 267 00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:16,675 It's a great opportunity. For some men it would be the chance of a lifetime. 268 00:20:16,884 --> 00:20:20,387 There are, believe me, easier things in this world. 269 00:20:20,721 --> 00:20:23,390 Some men would give their right arm for the chance! 270 00:20:23,724 --> 00:20:28,228 In reality that sacrifice is of a more private portion of the anatomy. 271 00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:32,232 Could you show me where the... 272 00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:33,567 Are you all right? 273 00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:38,071 Of course, dear. I just want to put some powder on my nose. 274 00:20:38,572 --> 00:20:40,741 Show her where we keep the euphemism? 275 00:20:44,912 --> 00:20:47,748 I'm sorry. I want to show you the house anyway. 276 00:20:48,457 --> 00:20:49,917 We'll be back, dear. 277 00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:53,420 Honestly, George, you burn me up! 278 00:20:54,046 --> 00:20:55,005 You really do! 279 00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:59,426 Don't shoot your mouth off about you-know-what. 280 00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:03,096 I'll talk about any goddamn thing I want to! 281 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,598 Okay, vanish! 282 00:21:04,932 --> 00:21:07,267 Any goddamn thing I want! 283 00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:38,715 What'll it be? 284 00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:40,467 I'll stick to bourbon. 285 00:21:47,975 --> 00:21:50,143 You're in the Math Department? 286 00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:51,228 No. 287 00:21:55,649 --> 00:21:57,985 Martha said so. I think that's what she said. 288 00:22:04,992 --> 00:22:06,660 Why'd you decide to be a teacher? 289 00:22:08,328 --> 00:22:10,998 The same things that motivated you, I imagine. 290 00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:12,666 Oh? What were they? 291 00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:15,836 What were the things that motivated me? 292 00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:18,172 Well, I'm sure I don't know. 293 00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:21,175 You said the things that motivated you and me were the same. 294 00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:22,843 I said I imagined they were. 295 00:22:23,302 --> 00:22:24,469 Oh, did you? 296 00:22:35,898 --> 00:22:37,149 You like it here? 297 00:22:39,193 --> 00:22:40,360 Yes, it's fine. 298 00:22:40,694 --> 00:22:42,029 I meant the university. 299 00:22:43,739 --> 00:22:45,991 I know. I meant the university. 300 00:22:47,034 --> 00:22:48,869 Well, I like it fine. 301 00:23:02,216 --> 00:23:05,886 You've been here for quite a long time, haven't you? 302 00:23:10,891 --> 00:23:15,062 Oh, yes. Ever since I married what's-her-name. Martha. 303 00:23:16,230 --> 00:23:18,732 Even before that. Forever. 304 00:23:19,233 --> 00:23:21,068 Dashed hopes and good intentions. 305 00:23:22,069 --> 00:23:25,072 Good, better, best, bested! 306 00:23:27,241 --> 00:23:29,076 How do you like that for a declension? 307 00:23:29,576 --> 00:23:30,911 You didn't answer my question. 308 00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:36,416 Don't condescend. I asked you how you liked that declension. 309 00:23:38,585 --> 00:23:39,962 I don't know what to say. 310 00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:41,755 You don't know what to say? 311 00:23:42,381 --> 00:23:45,759 Shall I say it's funny, so you can say it's sad? 312 00:23:45,968 --> 00:23:50,764 Or shall I say it's sad so you can say it's funny? You can play that game! 313 00:23:51,390 --> 00:23:53,267 - Very good! - I think we'll just... 314 00:23:53,767 --> 00:23:56,270 Now, calm down. Just calm down. All right? 315 00:23:56,603 --> 00:23:57,771 Another drink? Here. 316 00:23:58,105 --> 00:24:00,440 I still have one. And when my wife comes down... 317 00:24:02,109 --> 00:24:06,780 What I mean is, you and your wife seem to be having some sort of a... 318 00:24:07,447 --> 00:24:11,118 Martha and I are having nothing. Martha and I are merely exercising. 319 00:24:11,451 --> 00:24:14,621 We're walking what's left of our wits. Pay no attention. 320 00:24:14,955 --> 00:24:16,957 Now let's sit down and talk, huh? 321 00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:21,461 It's just I don't like to become involved in other people's affairs. 322 00:24:21,962 --> 00:24:25,632 You'll get over that. Small college. Musical beds is the faculty sport. 323 00:24:25,966 --> 00:24:26,800 Sir? 324 00:24:27,134 --> 00:24:29,970 Never mind. I wish you wouldn't go "sir." How old are you? 325 00:24:30,470 --> 00:24:31,471 Twenty-eight. 326 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:32,973 I'm forty-something. 327 00:24:34,099 --> 00:24:36,476 Aren't you surprised? Don't I look older? 328 00:24:38,979 --> 00:24:40,314 I think you look fine. 329 00:24:40,647 --> 00:24:43,984 I've always been lean. I play handball. How much do you weigh? 330 00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:48,322 155,160, something like that? You play handball? 331 00:24:48,655 --> 00:24:50,532 - Not very well. - We'll play sometime. 332 00:24:50,741 --> 00:24:55,162 Martha is 108... years old. She weighs somewhat more than that. 333 00:24:55,496 --> 00:24:56,497 How old is your wife? 334 00:24:57,831 --> 00:24:59,166 She's twenty-six. 335 00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:03,003 Martha is a remarkable woman. I imagine she weighs around 110. 336 00:25:03,337 --> 00:25:04,338 Your wife weighs... 337 00:25:04,671 --> 00:25:07,174 No, my boy, your wife. My wife is Martha. 338 00:25:07,883 --> 00:25:09,134 Yes, I know. 339 00:25:09,676 --> 00:25:12,846 If you were married to Martha you'd know what it means. 340 00:25:14,348 --> 00:25:16,850 If I were married to your wife, I'd know what that means. 341 00:25:21,021 --> 00:25:24,191 Martha says you are in the Math Department or something. 342 00:25:25,692 --> 00:25:26,693 No, I'm not. 343 00:25:27,027 --> 00:25:30,197 She's seldom mistaken. Maybe you should be in it. 344 00:25:31,031 --> 00:25:33,659 I'm a biologist. I'm in the Biology Department. 345 00:25:38,539 --> 00:25:42,876 You're the one's going to make all that trouble making everyone the same. 346 00:25:43,210 --> 00:25:46,380 Rearranging the chromozones, or whatever it is, right? 347 00:25:47,548 --> 00:25:49,383 Not exactly. Chromosomes. 348 00:25:49,883 --> 00:25:51,051 I'm very mistrustful. 349 00:25:52,386 --> 00:25:55,889 You think we learn nothing from history? I'm in the History Department. 350 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:57,516 Yes, I know. 351 00:25:57,724 --> 00:26:00,227 Martha tells me I'm in the History Department... 352 00:26:00,561 --> 00:26:05,065 ...as opposed to being the History Department, in the sense of running it. 353 00:26:05,399 --> 00:26:08,235 I do not run the History Department. 354 00:26:08,569 --> 00:26:10,404 I don't run the Biology Department. 355 00:26:10,612 --> 00:26:12,239 You're twenty-one. Twenty-eight. 356 00:26:12,739 --> 00:26:16,743 Perhaps when you're forty-something you'll run the History Department. 357 00:26:17,578 --> 00:26:18,912 Biology Department. 358 00:26:19,413 --> 00:26:21,915 I'm really very mistrustful! 359 00:26:22,749 --> 00:26:26,753 I read somewhere that science fiction is not really fiction at all. 360 00:26:27,087 --> 00:26:31,216 That you rearrange my genes so that everyone will be like everyone else. 361 00:26:31,592 --> 00:26:34,428 I suspect we shall not have much music or painting. 362 00:26:35,137 --> 00:26:39,433 But we'll have a civilization of sublime young men much like yourself. 363 00:26:39,766 --> 00:26:43,937 Cultures and races will vanish. The ants will take over the world. 364 00:26:44,605 --> 00:26:46,440 Don't know much about science, do you? 365 00:26:46,773 --> 00:26:49,610 I know history. I know when I'm being threatened. 366 00:26:51,778 --> 00:26:53,947 Your wife doesn't have any hips, does she? 367 00:26:55,949 --> 00:27:00,287 I'm not hip-happy. I was implying that your wife is slim-hipped. 368 00:27:01,622 --> 00:27:02,873 Yes, she is. 369 00:27:03,457 --> 00:27:04,458 You got any kids? 370 00:27:05,125 --> 00:27:06,960 No. Not yet. You? 371 00:27:07,294 --> 00:27:08,795 For me to know and you to find out. 372 00:27:12,132 --> 00:27:13,550 No kids, huh? 373 00:27:14,468 --> 00:27:15,268 What's wrong? 374 00:27:15,969 --> 00:27:18,764 Nothing. We wanted to wait till we're settled. 375 00:27:22,309 --> 00:27:23,977 Think you'll be happy here at New Carthage? 376 00:27:24,645 --> 00:27:27,981 Well, we hope to stay here. I don't mean forever. 377 00:27:28,482 --> 00:27:31,652 Don't bandy that about. The Old Man wouldn't like it. 378 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:37,491 Martha's father expects his staff to come here and grow old... 379 00:27:37,825 --> 00:27:40,244 ...and fall in the line of service. 380 00:27:40,452 --> 00:27:42,663 One man, a professor of Latin... 381 00:27:42,996 --> 00:27:45,666 ...actually fell in the cafeteria line one lunch. 382 00:27:45,999 --> 00:27:49,503 But the Old Man isn't falling anywhere. He isn't going to die. 383 00:27:50,337 --> 00:27:51,672 There are rumors... 384 00:27:52,005 --> 00:27:55,676 ...which you can't breathe to Martha for she foams at the mouth... 385 00:27:56,176 --> 00:27:57,678 ...that the Old Man, her father... 386 00:27:58,011 --> 00:28:01,181 ...is over two hundred years old. 387 00:28:01,682 --> 00:28:04,852 There's an irony there, but I'm not drunk enough to figure it out. 388 00:28:08,522 --> 00:28:09,523 Damnit! 389 00:28:10,190 --> 00:28:13,527 I wonder what women talk about when men talk. I must find out. 390 00:28:14,194 --> 00:28:15,863 What do you want? 391 00:28:18,198 --> 00:28:20,033 Isn't that a wonderful sound? 392 00:28:20,868 --> 00:28:22,244 How many kids you having? 393 00:28:23,203 --> 00:28:24,872 I don't know. My wife is... 394 00:28:25,205 --> 00:28:28,041 Slim-hipped. Well, there's one of you at least. 395 00:28:28,375 --> 00:28:33,046 You must see this house, dear. This is such a wonderful old house. 396 00:28:34,548 --> 00:28:36,842 For Christ's sake, hang on a minute! 397 00:28:37,050 --> 00:28:38,886 She'll be right down, she's changing. 398 00:28:39,219 --> 00:28:41,221 She's changing? What, her clothes? 399 00:28:41,471 --> 00:28:42,806 - Her dress. - Why? 400 00:28:43,015 --> 00:28:45,851 I imagine that she wants to be comfortable. 401 00:28:46,059 --> 00:28:47,728 Oh, she does, does she? 402 00:28:48,020 --> 00:28:49,563 You don't know! 403 00:28:51,648 --> 00:28:54,568 - You all right, dear? - Yes, dear, perfectly fine. 404 00:28:55,235 --> 00:28:56,737 She wants to be comfortable? 405 00:28:57,404 --> 00:28:58,739 Well, we'll see about that! 406 00:28:59,239 --> 00:29:01,033 I didn't know that you had a son. 407 00:29:04,244 --> 00:29:07,247 - A son. I hadn't known. - You to know and me to find out, huh? 408 00:29:07,581 --> 00:29:10,250 Tomorrow is his birthday. He will be sixteen. 409 00:29:11,835 --> 00:29:12,753 She told you? 410 00:29:13,879 --> 00:29:15,506 - She told you about him? - Yes. 411 00:29:16,757 --> 00:29:18,300 You said she's changing? 412 00:29:19,301 --> 00:29:21,261 - And she mentioned... - Your son's birthday. 413 00:29:26,099 --> 00:29:27,601 You look pale. Would you like... 414 00:29:27,935 --> 00:29:31,438 Yes, dear a little more brandy maybe. Just a drop. 415 00:29:32,314 --> 00:29:33,440 The bar? 416 00:29:33,941 --> 00:29:37,778 Yes, by all means, drink away. You'll need it as years go on. 417 00:29:39,279 --> 00:29:41,114 Damn destructive... 418 00:29:41,448 --> 00:29:42,950 What time is it, dear? 419 00:29:44,326 --> 00:29:46,495 - 2:30. - So late! 420 00:29:46,787 --> 00:29:47,955 We should get home. 421 00:29:48,455 --> 00:29:49,998 Keeping the baby sitter up? 422 00:29:51,792 --> 00:29:53,293 I said we didn't have children. 423 00:29:54,127 --> 00:29:56,129 Sorry, I wasn't even listening. 424 00:29:56,463 --> 00:29:58,298 Or thinking. Whichever applies. 425 00:29:59,132 --> 00:30:00,259 We'll go in a while. 426 00:30:00,634 --> 00:30:02,135 No, you mustn't! 427 00:30:02,553 --> 00:30:07,641 Martha is changing, and not for me. Martha hasn't changed for me in years. 428 00:30:07,975 --> 00:30:11,979 It means we're going to be here days. You're being accorded an honor. 429 00:30:12,312 --> 00:30:16,483 Don't forget Martha is the daughter of our beloved boss... his right arm. 430 00:30:17,150 --> 00:30:19,820 I'd use another word, but leave that sort of talk to Martha. 431 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:21,613 What sort of talk? 432 00:30:25,826 --> 00:30:26,827 Well, now! 433 00:30:29,163 --> 00:30:31,290 Why, Martha, your Sunday chapel dress! 434 00:30:31,665 --> 00:30:33,959 Oh, that's most attractive! 435 00:30:34,334 --> 00:30:35,627 You like it? Good. 436 00:30:37,045 --> 00:30:39,631 What do you mean screaming up the stairs at me? 437 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:42,968 We got lonely for the soft purr of your little voice. 438 00:30:43,677 --> 00:30:46,471 Well, you just trot over to the bar-ie-poo... 439 00:30:46,847 --> 00:30:49,808 ...and make your little mommy a gweat big dwink. 440 00:30:50,184 --> 00:30:51,310 That's right! 441 00:30:54,771 --> 00:30:59,193 You're quite a guy, getting your masters when you were what, 12? 442 00:31:00,027 --> 00:31:02,488 - Hear that, George? - 12 and a half, actually. 443 00:31:03,363 --> 00:31:04,323 19, really. 444 00:31:04,531 --> 00:31:07,451 - You needn't have mentioned it. - I'm proud of you! 445 00:31:07,659 --> 00:31:09,912 - I'm very impressed. - You're damn right! 446 00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:14,041 I'm wracked with jealousy. What do you want me to do, throw up? 447 00:31:15,375 --> 00:31:18,003 That's very impressive. You should be proud. 448 00:31:18,378 --> 00:31:20,339 He's a pretty nice fellow. 449 00:31:21,048 --> 00:31:23,175 You might take over the History Department. 450 00:31:23,383 --> 00:31:24,676 Biology Department. 451 00:31:25,385 --> 00:31:27,012 Yes. I'm preoccupied with history. 452 00:31:29,056 --> 00:31:31,850 What a remark. "I am preoccupied with history." 453 00:31:34,394 --> 00:31:38,357 George is not. George is preoccupied with the History Department. 454 00:31:38,899 --> 00:31:40,859 He's preoccupied with it... 455 00:31:41,235 --> 00:31:45,364 ...because he is not the History Department, he is only in it. 456 00:31:45,739 --> 00:31:48,200 We went through that while you were upstairs. 457 00:31:48,575 --> 00:31:50,369 That's right, baby, keep it clean. 458 00:31:51,245 --> 00:31:54,039 George is bogged down in the History Department. 459 00:31:55,249 --> 00:31:57,709 He's an old bog in the History Department. 460 00:31:58,210 --> 00:31:59,753 That's what George is... 461 00:31:59,962 --> 00:32:03,924 ...A bog, a fen, a G.D. Swamp! 462 00:32:07,427 --> 00:32:09,888 Hey, swamp! Hey, swampy! 463 00:32:14,935 --> 00:32:16,061 Can I get you something? 464 00:32:18,272 --> 00:32:19,072 Well, sure. 465 00:32:19,565 --> 00:32:23,235 You can light my cigarette if you're of a mind to. 466 00:32:23,610 --> 00:32:25,571 No. There are limits. 467 00:32:26,446 --> 00:32:27,906 A man puts up with only so much... 468 00:32:28,282 --> 00:32:31,910 ...before he descends on the evolutionary ladder which is your line. 469 00:32:32,786 --> 00:32:36,582 I'll hold your hand when it's dark and you're afraid of the bogeyman. 470 00:32:36,957 --> 00:32:39,918 And I'll tote your gin bottles out after midnight so no one sees. 471 00:32:40,294 --> 00:32:44,590 But I will not light your cigarette. And that, as they say, is that. 472 00:32:50,762 --> 00:32:52,931 Hey, you played football, huh? 473 00:32:53,307 --> 00:32:55,100 Yes, I was a quarterback. 474 00:32:55,350 --> 00:32:57,769 But I was much more adept at boxing. 475 00:32:58,645 --> 00:33:01,273 Boxing? You hear that, George? 476 00:33:02,816 --> 00:33:05,903 Must've been good. Doesn't look like you got hit in the face. 477 00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,114 He was intercollegiate state middleweight champion. 478 00:33:10,991 --> 00:33:14,119 Still looks like you have a pretty good body, is that right? 479 00:33:14,328 --> 00:33:15,704 Decency forbids... 480 00:33:15,913 --> 00:33:17,122 Shut up! 481 00:33:17,664 --> 00:33:20,626 Is that right? Have you kept your body up? 482 00:33:21,168 --> 00:33:23,629 It's still pretty good. I work out. 483 00:33:25,339 --> 00:33:27,966 Yes, he has a very firm body. 484 00:33:28,509 --> 00:33:30,969 Have you? I think that's very nice. 485 00:33:31,345 --> 00:33:33,972 You know, once you have it, you never know... 486 00:33:34,348 --> 00:33:35,807 ...when it'll come in handy! 487 00:33:38,519 --> 00:33:40,979 I say, why give it up until you have to? 488 00:33:44,775 --> 00:33:46,944 I couldn't agree with you more! 489 00:33:47,361 --> 00:33:48,987 Your obscenity is beyond human... 490 00:33:49,363 --> 00:33:52,157 George here doesn't cotton too much to body talk. 491 00:33:52,407 --> 00:33:57,371 Paunchy isn't happy when the talk moves to muscles. How much you weigh? 492 00:33:59,248 --> 00:34:00,666 155,150... 493 00:34:01,875 --> 00:34:04,837 Still at the old middleweight limit? That's pretty good! 494 00:34:08,715 --> 00:34:11,051 Tell them about the boxing match we had. 495 00:34:12,886 --> 00:34:13,686 Christ! 496 00:34:15,389 --> 00:34:16,682 Tell them about it. 497 00:34:16,932 --> 00:34:19,017 You tell them, you're good at it. 498 00:34:19,476 --> 00:34:22,187 - Is he all right? - Him? Oh, sure. 499 00:34:23,230 --> 00:34:24,940 We had this boxing match... 500 00:34:25,232 --> 00:34:27,192 ...a couple years after we married. 501 00:34:27,568 --> 00:34:29,528 A boxing match? The two of you? 502 00:34:30,737 --> 00:34:32,698 Yeah, the two of us. Really. 503 00:34:33,740 --> 00:34:35,200 I can't imagine it! 504 00:34:35,576 --> 00:34:38,203 Well, it wasn't in a ring or anything like that. 505 00:34:38,912 --> 00:34:41,206 Daddy was on this physical fitness kick. 506 00:34:41,915 --> 00:34:45,544 He had a couple of us over one Sunday and we all went out back... 507 00:34:45,919 --> 00:34:50,048 ...and Daddy put the gloves on himself and asked George to box with him. 508 00:34:51,925 --> 00:34:53,886 And George didn't want to. 509 00:34:54,636 --> 00:34:59,600 So Daddy said, "Come on, young man! What sort of a son-in-law are you?" 510 00:35:01,268 --> 00:35:05,063 And while this was going on, I don't know why I did it... 511 00:35:05,439 --> 00:35:07,900 ...I got into a pair of gloves myself... 512 00:35:08,108 --> 00:35:12,571 ...and I snuck up behind George, just kidding and yelled, "Hey, George!" 513 00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:17,242 And let go with a sort of roundhouse right. Just kidding, you know. 514 00:35:18,118 --> 00:35:22,664 And George wheeled around real quick and caught it right in the jaw! 515 00:35:25,792 --> 00:35:28,337 He caught it right in the jaw! 516 00:35:29,463 --> 00:35:33,800 He was off-balance. He must have been. And then he landed... 517 00:35:34,051 --> 00:35:36,595 ...flat in a huckleberry bush! 518 00:35:59,576 --> 00:36:00,536 Pow, you're dead. 519 00:36:07,334 --> 00:36:09,294 Where'd you get that, you bastard? 520 00:36:09,670 --> 00:36:12,297 I've had it awhile. Liked that, did you? 521 00:36:12,673 --> 00:36:13,632 Bastard! 522 00:36:16,343 --> 00:36:19,304 Oh, that was pretty good. Hey, give me a kiss. 523 00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,140 - Later, sweetie. - Give me a kiss. 524 00:36:26,937 --> 00:36:30,315 So that's what you're after? We having blue games for the guests? 525 00:36:30,691 --> 00:36:33,986 Everything in its place. Everything in it's own good time. 526 00:36:34,862 --> 00:36:36,822 Drinks now. Drinks for all. 527 00:36:37,197 --> 00:36:39,158 You've nibbled away at your glass. 528 00:36:40,033 --> 00:36:43,328 I need something. I was never so frightened in my life. 529 00:36:43,704 --> 00:36:45,289 Weren't you frightened? 530 00:36:46,874 --> 00:36:49,459 - I don't remember. - I bet you were. 531 00:36:49,710 --> 00:36:51,503 Did you think I was going to kill you? 532 00:36:51,837 --> 00:36:54,339 You? Kill me? That's a laugh! 533 00:36:54,715 --> 00:36:55,841 I might some day. 534 00:36:57,384 --> 00:36:58,552 Fat chance! 535 00:36:58,802 --> 00:37:00,137 Where's the john? 536 00:37:01,221 --> 00:37:02,347 Down the hall and right. 537 00:37:02,723 --> 00:37:05,184 Don't come back with any guns or anything. 538 00:37:06,059 --> 00:37:08,187 You don't need any props, do you, baby? 539 00:37:08,729 --> 00:37:10,105 I'll bet not. 540 00:37:10,314 --> 00:37:13,692 - No fake gun for you! - May I leave my drink here? 541 00:37:14,067 --> 00:37:17,613 Why not? We've got half-filled glasses wherever Martha left them. 542 00:37:17,863 --> 00:37:20,866 In the closet, the bathtub. I found one in the freezer. 543 00:37:21,074 --> 00:37:24,077 - Oh, you did not! - Yes, I did. 544 00:37:26,914 --> 00:37:29,458 - Brandy gives you no hangover? - I never mix. 545 00:37:29,666 --> 00:37:33,003 - I don't drink very much either. - Oh, good. 546 00:37:34,087 --> 00:37:36,548 Your husband was telling us about chromosomes. 547 00:37:37,591 --> 00:37:40,886 - Chromosomes. He's a biologist. - He's in the Math Department. 548 00:37:41,094 --> 00:37:43,555 - Biologist. - He's in the Math Department! 549 00:37:45,599 --> 00:37:46,725 Biology. 550 00:37:48,435 --> 00:37:49,728 Are you sure? 551 00:37:50,103 --> 00:37:52,231 Well, I ought to be sure. 552 00:37:53,774 --> 00:37:56,401 So he's a biologist. Good for him! 553 00:37:57,444 --> 00:37:59,071 Biology's even better. 554 00:37:59,780 --> 00:38:02,741 It's at the meat of things. You're at the meat of things. 555 00:38:03,283 --> 00:38:07,079 - She thought you were Math Department. - Maybe I ought to be. 556 00:38:07,454 --> 00:38:11,083 You stay right where you are. Stay right at the meat of things. 557 00:38:11,750 --> 00:38:14,253 You're obsessed by that phrase. It's ugly. 558 00:38:14,628 --> 00:38:15,921 You stay right there. 559 00:38:17,130 --> 00:38:21,093 You can take over the History Department as easy from there as any place else. 560 00:38:21,802 --> 00:38:25,097 Somebody's got to take over the History Department some day. 561 00:38:25,472 --> 00:38:28,767 And it ain't gonna be Georgie-boy over there, that's for sure. 562 00:38:29,142 --> 00:38:31,645 Are you swampy, are you? 563 00:38:32,479 --> 00:38:35,440 In my mind you are bedded in cement up to the neck. 564 00:38:36,149 --> 00:38:37,734 No, up to the nose, it's quieter. 565 00:38:44,992 --> 00:38:46,118 When is your son... 566 00:38:47,327 --> 00:38:48,127 What? 567 00:38:48,287 --> 00:38:49,621 Something about your son. 568 00:38:54,835 --> 00:38:56,837 When is your son coming home? 569 00:39:04,344 --> 00:39:05,637 When's our son coming home? 570 00:39:06,013 --> 00:39:06,813 Never mind. 571 00:39:07,181 --> 00:39:10,475 I want to know. You brought it up. When's he coming home? 572 00:39:11,518 --> 00:39:14,188 I said never mind. I'm sorry I brought it up. 573 00:39:14,479 --> 00:39:17,816 Him up! Not it! You brought him up, more or less. 574 00:39:18,358 --> 00:39:21,653 When's the little bugger appearing? Isn't tomorrow his birthday? 575 00:39:22,029 --> 00:39:23,822 I don't want to talk about it. 576 00:39:24,531 --> 00:39:26,533 I don't want to talk about it! 577 00:39:26,742 --> 00:39:29,161 She doesn't want to talk about it, him. 578 00:39:29,369 --> 00:39:32,247 Martha is sorry she brought it up. Him. 579 00:39:32,539 --> 00:39:34,833 When's the little bugger coming home? 580 00:39:36,710 --> 00:39:40,839 Since you had the bad taste to bring it up, when is the bugger coming? 581 00:39:41,381 --> 00:39:44,510 George talks disparagingly about the little bugger... 582 00:39:44,885 --> 00:39:46,887 ...because he has problems. 583 00:39:47,095 --> 00:39:49,264 What problems has the little bugger got? 584 00:39:49,473 --> 00:39:52,184 Not the little bugger. Stop calling him that! 585 00:39:52,559 --> 00:39:57,314 - You! You've got problems! - Never heard anything more ridiculous. 586 00:39:57,898 --> 00:39:59,358 Neither have I! 587 00:40:00,901 --> 00:40:04,029 George's biggest problem about the... about our son... 588 00:40:04,404 --> 00:40:08,200 ...about our great big son is that deep down in the private pit of his gut... 589 00:40:08,575 --> 00:40:11,703 ...he is not completely sure that it's his own kid. 590 00:40:12,079 --> 00:40:14,039 My God, you're a wicked woman! 591 00:40:14,248 --> 00:40:18,544 And I've told you a million times, I wouldn't conceive with anyone else. 592 00:40:18,919 --> 00:40:20,754 A deeply wicked person. 593 00:40:22,172 --> 00:40:24,341 I'm not sure this is a subject for... 594 00:40:24,591 --> 00:40:28,387 Martha's lying. I want you to know that Martha is lying. 595 00:40:29,263 --> 00:40:32,057 There are few things I am certain of, but the one thing... 596 00:40:32,266 --> 00:40:34,852 ...in this sinking world that I am sure of... 597 00:40:35,060 --> 00:40:38,230 ...is my partnership, my chromosomoligical partnership... 598 00:40:38,438 --> 00:40:42,651 ...in the creation of our blond-eyed, blue-haired son. 599 00:40:43,735 --> 00:40:45,070 I'm so glad. 600 00:40:46,196 --> 00:40:49,283 - A very pretty speech, George. - Thank you, Martha. 601 00:40:49,533 --> 00:40:52,870 You rose to the occasion good. Real good. 602 00:40:53,203 --> 00:40:54,538 Well. Real well! 603 00:40:56,290 --> 00:40:57,624 Martha knows better. 604 00:40:57,916 --> 00:41:00,711 Yes, I've been to college like everybody else. 605 00:41:01,044 --> 00:41:04,548 George, our son does not have blue hair. 606 00:41:04,882 --> 00:41:08,218 Or blue eyes for that matter. He has green eyes like me. 607 00:41:08,552 --> 00:41:10,888 Beautiful, beautiful green eyes. 608 00:41:11,555 --> 00:41:12,556 He has blue eyes. 609 00:41:12,890 --> 00:41:13,690 Green. 610 00:41:14,057 --> 00:41:14,892 Blue, Martha. 611 00:41:15,225 --> 00:41:16,602 Green, you bastard! 612 00:41:17,603 --> 00:41:19,897 Tut-tut yourself, you old floozy. 613 00:41:20,189 --> 00:41:21,899 He's not a floozie. 614 00:41:22,733 --> 00:41:25,444 He can't be a floozie. You're a floozie. 615 00:41:25,736 --> 00:41:27,613 Now you just watch yourself! 616 00:41:28,071 --> 00:41:29,406 All right! 617 00:41:30,073 --> 00:41:33,285 I'd like another little nipper of brandy please. 618 00:41:33,577 --> 00:41:35,496 - I think you've had enough. - Nonsense! 619 00:41:35,746 --> 00:41:38,332 - We're all ready, I think. - Nonsense! 620 00:41:41,043 --> 00:41:45,088 George has watery blue eyes, kind of milky blue. 621 00:41:45,297 --> 00:41:46,632 Make up your mind. 622 00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:50,552 I gave you the benefit of a doubt. Daddy has green eyes too. 623 00:41:50,761 --> 00:41:55,265 No, he has tiny red eyes, like a white mouse. In fact, he is a white mouse. 624 00:41:56,433 --> 00:41:59,436 You wouldn't say that if he was here. You're a coward! 625 00:41:59,770 --> 00:42:03,106 You know that shock of white hair and these beady red eyes? 626 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:05,108 A great big white mouse. 627 00:42:05,776 --> 00:42:10,447 George hates Daddy. Not for anything Daddy's done to him, but for his own... 628 00:42:10,781 --> 00:42:11,949 Inadequacies? 629 00:42:12,282 --> 00:42:15,285 That's right. You hit it right on the snout! 630 00:42:15,786 --> 00:42:18,455 You know why the S.O.B. Hates my father? 631 00:42:18,789 --> 00:42:22,125 When George came to the History Department, about 500 years ago... 632 00:42:22,459 --> 00:42:23,627 ...Daddy approved of him. 633 00:42:24,127 --> 00:42:28,131 And you want to know what I did, dumb cluck that I am? 634 00:42:28,465 --> 00:42:30,342 I fell for him! 635 00:42:30,717 --> 00:42:32,135 I like that! 636 00:42:32,469 --> 00:42:34,429 She did, you should have seen it. 637 00:42:34,638 --> 00:42:38,141 She'd sit outside my room at night and howl and claw at the turf. 638 00:42:38,433 --> 00:42:40,269 I couldn't work so I married her. 639 00:42:42,646 --> 00:42:44,481 I actually fell for him. 640 00:42:44,982 --> 00:42:46,817 It! That! There! 641 00:42:47,151 --> 00:42:48,652 Martha's a romantic at heart. 642 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:51,488 That I am. 643 00:42:53,323 --> 00:42:57,661 I actually fell for him. And the match seemed practical too. 644 00:42:58,495 --> 00:43:01,331 For a while Daddy thought George had the stuff... 645 00:43:01,665 --> 00:43:03,834 ...to take over when he was ready to retire. 646 00:43:05,335 --> 00:43:07,045 - Stop it! - What do you want?! 647 00:43:07,504 --> 00:43:10,299 - I wouldn't go on if I were you. - You wouldn't? Well, you're not! 648 00:43:10,507 --> 00:43:13,218 You've already sprung a leak about you-know-what. 649 00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:14,560 What? 650 00:43:14,678 --> 00:43:16,847 About the little bugger. Our son. 651 00:43:17,181 --> 00:43:19,183 If you start in on this, I warn you... 652 00:43:19,516 --> 00:43:22,394 - I stand warned. - Do we have to go through this? 653 00:43:22,853 --> 00:43:26,064 Anyway, I married the S.O.B. I had it all planned out. 654 00:43:26,273 --> 00:43:30,527 First he'd take over the History Department, then the whole college. 655 00:43:30,861 --> 00:43:32,529 That's how it was supposed to be! 656 00:43:32,863 --> 00:43:33,864 Getting angry? 657 00:43:34,198 --> 00:43:37,367 That was how it was supposed to be. All very simple. 658 00:43:37,701 --> 00:43:40,537 Daddy thought it was a good idea too. For a while! 659 00:43:40,871 --> 00:43:43,540 Until he started watching for a couple of years. 660 00:43:43,874 --> 00:43:44,875 Getting angry? 661 00:43:45,209 --> 00:43:47,211 Till he watched for a couple years... 662 00:43:47,544 --> 00:43:50,214 ...and started thinking it wasn't such a good idea. 663 00:43:50,547 --> 00:43:53,550 That maybe Georgie-boy didn't have the stuff! 664 00:43:54,009 --> 00:43:55,761 That he didn't have it in him! 665 00:43:55,969 --> 00:43:58,388 - Stop it, Martha! - Like hell, I will! 666 00:43:59,473 --> 00:44:02,559 George didn't have much push. He wasn't aggressive. 667 00:44:03,393 --> 00:44:05,395 In fact, he was sort of a flop! 668 00:44:06,063 --> 00:44:08,232 A great big, fat flop! 669 00:44:09,274 --> 00:44:10,734 I said stop it! 670 00:44:11,068 --> 00:44:15,405 I hope that was an empty bottle. You can't afford to waste good liquor. 671 00:44:15,739 --> 00:44:19,576 Not on your salary! Not on an associate professor's salary! 672 00:44:20,410 --> 00:44:23,580 So here I am, stuck with this flop... 673 00:44:23,914 --> 00:44:26,250 ...this bog in the History Department. 674 00:44:26,583 --> 00:44:29,086 Who's married to the president's daughter... 675 00:44:29,419 --> 00:44:33,423 ...who's expected to be somebody. Not just a nobody! 676 00:44:33,757 --> 00:44:37,427 A bookworm who's so goddamn complacent... 677 00:44:37,761 --> 00:44:40,097 ...he can't make anything out of himself. 678 00:44:40,430 --> 00:44:43,767 That doesn't have the guts to make anybody proud of him! 679 00:44:46,603 --> 00:44:48,438 All right, George, stop it! 680 00:44:50,816 --> 00:44:52,484 I'm going to be sick! 681 00:45:25,184 --> 00:45:27,644 She'll be all right. I'll make some coffee. 682 00:45:28,478 --> 00:45:31,190 - You sure? - She'll be okay. 683 00:47:38,942 --> 00:47:40,611 I'm really very sorry. 684 00:47:44,114 --> 00:47:47,117 She really shouldn't drink. She's frail. 685 00:47:50,621 --> 00:47:52,122 Slim-hipped, as you say. 686 00:47:55,626 --> 00:47:58,962 Where's my little yum-yum? Where's Martha? 687 00:48:00,797 --> 00:48:03,675 I think she's going to make some coffee. 688 00:48:08,972 --> 00:48:10,766 She gets sick quite easily. 689 00:48:11,308 --> 00:48:14,311 Martha? No, she hasn't been sick a day in her life. 690 00:48:14,645 --> 00:48:16,980 Unless you count time she spends in the rest home. 691 00:48:17,314 --> 00:48:18,816 No, no. My wife. 692 00:48:19,149 --> 00:48:23,320 My wife gets sick quite easily. Your wife is Martha. 693 00:48:26,824 --> 00:48:27,658 I know. 694 00:48:29,326 --> 00:48:31,829 She doesn't really spend any time in a rest home? 695 00:48:33,330 --> 00:48:34,331 Your wife? 696 00:48:34,998 --> 00:48:35,999 No, yours. 697 00:48:37,334 --> 00:48:38,168 Mine? 698 00:48:44,007 --> 00:48:46,176 She doesn't. I would. 699 00:48:49,805 --> 00:48:52,516 If I were her... she... I would. 700 00:48:52,850 --> 00:48:55,185 But then I'm not and so I don't. 701 00:48:57,688 --> 00:48:59,314 I'd like to, though. 702 00:49:01,024 --> 00:49:03,861 It gets pretty bouncy around here sometimes. 703 00:49:05,362 --> 00:49:06,530 Yes, I'm sure. 704 00:49:10,784 --> 00:49:13,412 - Your wife throws up a lot? - I didn't say that. 705 00:49:13,787 --> 00:49:16,039 I said she gets sick quite easily. 706 00:49:17,249 --> 00:49:18,876 By sick I thought that you meant she... 707 00:49:19,376 --> 00:49:22,379 It's true, actually. She does throw up a lot. 708 00:49:22,629 --> 00:49:23,714 The word is often. 709 00:49:25,257 --> 00:49:27,885 Once she starts there's practically no stopping. 710 00:49:29,887 --> 00:49:31,930 She'll go right on for hours. 711 00:49:34,975 --> 00:49:36,602 Not all the time. 712 00:49:38,812 --> 00:49:39,897 Regularly. 713 00:49:40,731 --> 00:49:42,983 - You can tell time by her? - Just about. 714 00:49:55,913 --> 00:49:57,789 I married her because she was pregnant. 715 00:50:02,711 --> 00:50:05,005 But you said you didn't have any children. 716 00:50:05,214 --> 00:50:06,715 She wasn't really. It was a... 717 00:50:08,884 --> 00:50:10,219 ...hysterical pregnancy. 718 00:50:12,387 --> 00:50:15,557 She blew up and then she went down. 719 00:50:17,100 --> 00:50:19,311 And when she was up you married her? 720 00:50:21,063 --> 00:50:22,815 Then she went down. 721 00:50:45,671 --> 00:50:47,548 When I was 16... 722 00:50:48,841 --> 00:50:51,426 ...and going to prep school, during the Punic Wars... 723 00:50:54,054 --> 00:50:56,932 ...a bunch of us would go to town the first day of vacation... 724 00:50:57,266 --> 00:50:59,268 ...before we fanned out to our homes. 725 00:51:01,728 --> 00:51:04,857 And in the evening we would go to a gin mill... 726 00:51:05,107 --> 00:51:07,776 ...owned by the gangster-father of one of us... 727 00:51:08,110 --> 00:51:12,114 ...and we would drink with the grown-ups and listen to the jazz. 728 00:51:13,949 --> 00:51:15,784 And one time, in the bunch of us... 729 00:51:16,118 --> 00:51:17,661 ...there was this... 730 00:51:18,245 --> 00:51:20,831 ...boy who was 15... 731 00:51:21,623 --> 00:51:25,794 ...and he had killed his mother with a shotgun some years before. 732 00:51:27,129 --> 00:51:29,131 Completely accidentally... 733 00:51:29,464 --> 00:51:33,135 ...without even an unconscious motivation, I have no doubt at all. 734 00:51:35,262 --> 00:51:37,806 And this one time this boy went with us and... 735 00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:40,851 ...we ordered our drinks... 736 00:51:41,768 --> 00:51:44,021 ...and when it came his turn he said... 737 00:51:44,688 --> 00:51:46,648 "I'll have bergin. 738 00:51:47,357 --> 00:51:51,820 "Give me some bergin please. Bergin and water." 739 00:51:54,948 --> 00:51:56,450 We all laughed. 740 00:51:57,451 --> 00:52:02,456 He was blond and he had the face of a cherub, and we all laughed. 741 00:52:03,624 --> 00:52:07,127 And his cheeks went red and the color rose in his neck. 742 00:52:07,669 --> 00:52:12,591 The waiter told people at the next table what the boy said and they laughed... 743 00:52:13,008 --> 00:52:17,513 ...and then more people were told and the laughter grew and grew. 744 00:52:22,768 --> 00:52:25,437 No one was laughing more than us... 745 00:52:25,771 --> 00:52:29,608 ...and none of us more than the boy who had shot his mother. 746 00:52:32,110 --> 00:52:36,281 And soon everyone in the gin mill knew what the laughter was about... 747 00:52:36,615 --> 00:52:41,286 ...and everyone started ordering bergin and laughing when they ordered it. 748 00:52:42,454 --> 00:52:45,415 And soon, of course, the laughter became less general... 749 00:52:45,791 --> 00:52:50,128 ...but it did not subside entirely for a very long time. 750 00:52:50,462 --> 00:52:53,423 For always at this table or that... 751 00:52:53,966 --> 00:52:55,926 ...someone would order bergin... 752 00:52:57,010 --> 00:53:00,806 ...and a whole new area of laughter would rise. 753 00:53:02,641 --> 00:53:04,101 We drank free that night. 754 00:53:05,394 --> 00:53:07,646 We were bought champagne by the management... 755 00:53:07,980 --> 00:53:11,150 ...by the gangster-father of one of us. 756 00:53:13,318 --> 00:53:16,989 And, of course, we suffered the next day... 757 00:53:17,322 --> 00:53:21,660 ...each of us alone, on his train away from the city... 758 00:53:23,370 --> 00:53:27,166 ...and each of us with a grown-up's hangover. 759 00:53:29,668 --> 00:53:31,753 But it was the grandest day... 760 00:53:33,172 --> 00:53:34,506 ...of my... 761 00:53:36,049 --> 00:53:37,342 ...youth. 762 00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:50,814 What happened to the boy? 763 00:53:53,901 --> 00:53:55,360 The boy who had shot his mother. 764 00:53:58,238 --> 00:53:59,198 I won't tell you. 765 00:54:02,409 --> 00:54:06,038 The next summer on a country road, with his learner's permit... 766 00:54:06,246 --> 00:54:10,959 ...and his father sitting to his right, he swerved to avoid a porcupine... 767 00:54:12,085 --> 00:54:14,880 ...and drove straight into a large tree. 768 00:54:17,174 --> 00:54:18,717 He was not killed, of course. 769 00:54:19,927 --> 00:54:23,388 In the hospital when he was conscious and out of danger... 770 00:54:23,764 --> 00:54:26,225 ...when they told him his father was dead... 771 00:54:27,935 --> 00:54:30,896 ...he began to laugh, I have been told. 772 00:54:32,272 --> 00:54:35,901 And his laughter grew and would not stop. 773 00:54:37,945 --> 00:54:41,573 And it was not until after they'd jammed a needle in his arm... 774 00:54:41,949 --> 00:54:46,245 ...not until his consciousness had slipped away from him... 775 00:54:46,578 --> 00:54:50,249 ...that his laughter subsided. Stopped. 776 00:54:52,459 --> 00:54:54,753 When he recovered from his injuries enough... 777 00:54:55,128 --> 00:54:59,758 ...so he could be moved without damage should he struggle... 778 00:55:02,135 --> 00:55:04,137 ...he was put in an asylum. 779 00:55:07,474 --> 00:55:09,101 That was thirty years ago. 780 00:55:10,811 --> 00:55:12,437 Is he still there? 781 00:55:14,481 --> 00:55:15,524 Oh, yes. 782 00:55:16,984 --> 00:55:19,111 I'm told that for these thirty years... 783 00:55:20,988 --> 00:55:22,781 ...he has not uttered... 784 00:55:24,491 --> 00:55:27,119 ...one sound. 785 00:55:49,349 --> 00:55:50,642 That's Big Martha. 786 00:55:51,518 --> 00:55:52,978 She's making coffee. 787 00:55:54,354 --> 00:55:57,983 For your hysterical wife, who goes up and down. 788 00:55:59,026 --> 00:55:59,826 Went. 789 00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:01,862 Up and down. 790 00:56:02,362 --> 00:56:04,323 Went? And no more? 791 00:56:05,365 --> 00:56:07,493 No more. Nothing. 792 00:56:10,037 --> 00:56:12,748 Martha doesn't have hysterical pregnancies. 793 00:56:13,540 --> 00:56:15,459 My wife had one. 794 00:56:15,667 --> 00:56:18,170 Martha doesn't have pregnancies at all. 795 00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:25,302 Do you have any other kids, any daughters or anything? 796 00:56:26,845 --> 00:56:28,680 Do we have any what? 797 00:56:32,059 --> 00:56:34,186 I mean, do you only have the one... 798 00:56:34,937 --> 00:56:36,522 ...kid, your son? 799 00:56:38,690 --> 00:56:40,192 No, just one. 800 00:56:41,860 --> 00:56:43,111 One boy. 801 00:56:44,571 --> 00:56:45,906 Our son. 802 00:56:51,161 --> 00:56:52,412 That's nice. 803 00:56:55,082 --> 00:56:57,042 He's a comfort. 804 00:56:58,877 --> 00:57:00,212 He's a beanbag. 805 00:57:03,382 --> 00:57:04,341 A what? 806 00:57:04,591 --> 00:57:06,385 A beanbag. You wouldn't understand. 807 00:57:08,720 --> 00:57:10,472 A beanbag! 808 00:57:10,681 --> 00:57:14,184 I heard! I didn't say I was deaf, I said I didn't understand! 809 00:57:14,434 --> 00:57:19,231 - You didn't say that at all. - I was implying I didn't understand. 810 00:57:21,275 --> 00:57:22,734 - You're getting testy. - I'm sorry! 811 00:57:22,901 --> 00:57:27,239 I just said our son, the apple of our 3 eyes, Martha being a Cyclops... 812 00:57:27,739 --> 00:57:29,908 ...our son is a beanbag, and you get testy. 813 00:57:30,284 --> 00:57:33,579 It's late, I'm tired. I've been drinking since 9 o'clock. 814 00:57:33,745 --> 00:57:37,166 My wife is vomiting. There's been a lot of screaming here. 815 00:57:37,374 --> 00:57:39,626 You get testy, naturally. Don't worry about it. 816 00:57:39,835 --> 00:57:43,005 Anybody coming here gets testy. Don't be upset. 817 00:57:43,213 --> 00:57:45,424 - I'm not upset. - You're testy. 818 00:57:49,928 --> 00:57:53,932 I'd like to set you straight about something while we're out here. 819 00:57:54,766 --> 00:57:56,935 About something Martha said. 820 00:57:58,312 --> 00:58:00,272 Hark! Forest sounds. 821 00:58:01,315 --> 00:58:02,608 Animal noises. 822 00:58:05,194 --> 00:58:07,112 Oh, well, here's nursie! 823 00:58:08,155 --> 00:58:10,449 We're sitting up, we're having coffee. 824 00:58:12,159 --> 00:58:14,119 Is there anything I should do? 825 00:58:14,495 --> 00:58:18,790 No, you just stay there and listen to Georgie's side of things. 826 00:58:19,333 --> 00:58:20,959 Bore yourself to death! 827 00:58:21,251 --> 00:58:23,795 You clean up the mess you made in here? 828 00:58:24,171 --> 00:58:27,132 No, Martha, I did not clean up the mess I made. 829 00:58:28,509 --> 00:58:32,304 I've been trying for years to clean up the mess I made. 830 00:58:32,679 --> 00:58:34,348 Have you been trying for years? 831 00:58:34,556 --> 00:58:36,642 Accommodation, adjustment... 832 00:58:37,184 --> 00:58:39,645 ...those do seem to be in the order of things. 833 00:58:39,853 --> 00:58:41,647 Don't put me in the same class with you. 834 00:58:41,980 --> 00:58:45,484 No, of course not. I mean things are simpler for you. 835 00:58:46,652 --> 00:58:49,112 You marry a woman because she's all blown up. 836 00:58:49,363 --> 00:58:54,117 - Where I, in my old-fashioned way... - There was more to it than that. 837 00:58:54,326 --> 00:58:56,286 Sure. I bet she has money too. 838 00:58:59,540 --> 00:59:00,340 Yes. 839 00:59:06,547 --> 00:59:08,173 You mean I was right? I hit it? 840 00:59:08,841 --> 00:59:12,719 My God, what archery! First try, too. How about that? 841 00:59:13,387 --> 00:59:15,347 - There were other things. - Yes. 842 00:59:15,556 --> 00:59:17,182 To compensate. 843 00:59:18,016 --> 00:59:19,893 There always are. 844 00:59:21,478 --> 00:59:22,278 Allow me. 845 00:59:25,023 --> 00:59:28,026 Tell me about your wife's money. 846 00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:32,197 No. 847 00:59:32,739 --> 00:59:34,116 Okay, don't. 848 00:59:38,203 --> 00:59:40,914 My father-in-law was a man of the Lord. 849 00:59:42,207 --> 00:59:43,667 And he was very rich. 850 00:59:44,209 --> 00:59:45,169 What faith? 851 00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:49,047 My father-in-law... 852 00:59:50,215 --> 00:59:53,385 ...was called by God when he was six or something. 853 00:59:55,387 --> 00:59:59,850 He started preaching, baptized people, and he saved them and then... 854 01:00:01,894 --> 01:00:05,772 ...he traveled around a lot and became pretty famous. Not like... 855 01:00:07,399 --> 01:00:08,859 ...some of them but... 856 01:00:10,569 --> 01:00:12,321 ...pretty famous. 857 01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:17,701 When he died he had a lot of money. 858 01:00:18,827 --> 01:00:21,371 - God's money? - No, his own. 859 01:00:22,456 --> 01:00:26,043 - What about God's money? - He spent it and he saved his own. 860 01:00:27,753 --> 01:00:29,213 I think that's very nice. 861 01:00:32,424 --> 01:00:34,426 Martha has money because... 862 01:00:34,635 --> 01:00:37,471 ...Martha's father's second wife... 863 01:00:37,679 --> 01:00:40,599 ...not Martha's mother, but after her mother died... 864 01:00:41,099 --> 01:00:43,101 ...was a very old lady... 865 01:00:43,310 --> 01:00:46,396 ...who had warts, who was very rich. 866 01:00:46,980 --> 01:00:48,398 She was a witch! 867 01:00:50,067 --> 01:00:53,028 She was a good witch, and she married the white mouse... 868 01:00:53,237 --> 01:00:55,531 ...with the red eyes, and he must have... 869 01:00:55,739 --> 01:00:58,534 ...nibbled her warts or something... 870 01:01:00,118 --> 01:01:04,164 ...because she went up in a puff of smoke almost immediately. 871 01:01:06,834 --> 01:01:10,629 And all that was left, apart from some wart medicine... 872 01:01:10,838 --> 01:01:13,298 ...was a big, fat will. 873 01:01:18,428 --> 01:01:21,390 Maybe my father-in-law... 874 01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:24,810 ...and the witch with the warts should have gotten together. 875 01:01:26,145 --> 01:01:28,105 Because he was a mouse too. 876 01:01:29,857 --> 01:01:31,775 - He was? - Sure! 877 01:01:34,486 --> 01:01:36,321 He was a church mouse! 878 01:01:53,338 --> 01:01:55,299 Your wife never mentioned a stepmother. 879 01:01:56,508 --> 01:01:57,718 Maybe it isn't true. 880 01:02:00,012 --> 01:02:03,182 You realize I've been drawing you out on this stuff... 881 01:02:03,891 --> 01:02:07,519 ...because you're a threat to me and I want to get the goods on you. 882 01:02:07,728 --> 01:02:08,729 Sure. 883 01:02:09,021 --> 01:02:11,064 I've warned you. You stand warned. 884 01:02:11,273 --> 01:02:12,816 I stand warned. 885 01:02:15,277 --> 01:02:18,322 You sneaky types worry me the most, you know. 886 01:02:18,530 --> 01:02:21,492 You ineffectual sons of bitches, you're the worst. 887 01:02:21,867 --> 01:02:25,621 I'm glad you don't believe me. You've got history on your side. 888 01:02:27,039 --> 01:02:30,501 You've got history on your side. I've got biology on mine. 889 01:02:31,043 --> 01:02:33,003 History, biology. 890 01:02:33,378 --> 01:02:35,339 - I know the difference. - You don't act it. 891 01:02:35,714 --> 01:02:39,843 We decided you'd take over the History Department first, then the whole works. 892 01:02:40,052 --> 01:02:40,886 A step at a time. 893 01:02:44,389 --> 01:02:49,228 What I thought I'd do is sort of insinuate myself generally. You know! 894 01:02:49,561 --> 01:02:51,230 Find all the weak spots. 895 01:02:52,564 --> 01:02:53,607 Like me. 896 01:02:54,399 --> 01:02:58,362 Become sort of a fact and then turn into a... 897 01:03:00,781 --> 01:03:02,114 A what? 898 01:03:02,115 --> 01:03:05,285 - An inevitability? - Exactly! 899 01:03:05,494 --> 01:03:07,329 An inevitability. 900 01:03:08,038 --> 01:03:10,666 Take over a few courses from the older men. 901 01:03:13,377 --> 01:03:15,337 Plow a few pertinent wives. 902 01:03:15,712 --> 01:03:16,672 Now that's it! 903 01:03:17,840 --> 01:03:20,008 You can shove aside all the older men... 904 01:03:20,384 --> 01:03:23,512 ...but until you're plowing pertinent wives you're not working. 905 01:03:23,846 --> 01:03:25,848 That's the way to power. Plow 'em all! 906 01:03:29,059 --> 01:03:30,352 The way to a man's heart... 907 01:03:30,727 --> 01:03:34,606 ...the wide, inviting avenue to his job is through his wife... 908 01:03:34,815 --> 01:03:36,275 ...and don't you forget it.