1
00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:01,274
(EXHALES)
2
00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,405
Well, good news.
3
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,662
I found your car keys.
4
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,242
(CHUCKLES) That's where I left them.
5
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,450
Oh, you know, you have the prostate
of an 18-year-old.
6
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:18,246
Nice! I'd rather have his dick,
but you get what you get.
7
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,173
Next time, buy me dinner first.
8
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,925
(ALL LAUGHING)
9
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,882
That's a good one.
10
00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:27,045
I like that joke.
11
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,590
I hadn't heard that before.
12
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,688
ETHAN: Come on. Why do I have to go?
13
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:37,894
KATHERINE: Because...
14
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:39,979
It's his weekend and you're not missing
your grandmother's wedding.
15
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,189
ETHAN: It's no fun there.
16
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:44,480
Last time he made me watch an entire
Super Bowl from 1979.
17
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,150
Who watches a 30-year-old football game?
18
00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:50,741
He's always angry or pissed off...
19
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,370
KATHERINE: Don't say that about your father.
20
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:53,997
ETHAN: It's not my fault he's an asshole.
21
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:56,375
KATHERINE: We're not having
this discussion. Go get your bag.
22
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,873
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
23
00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:08,421
(DOOR SLAMS)
24
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:13,634
TERRY BRADSHAW: (ON TV)
Pick Enterprise. We'll pick you up.
25
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:14,718
MALE NARRATOR: In New York City...
26
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,974
The dedicated detectives who investigate
27
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:19,768
these vicious felonies
are members of an elite squad
28
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,441
known as the Special Victims Unit.
29
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,021
These are their stories.
30
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,650
- (DRAMATIC BANG ON TV)
- (MOUTHING)
31
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,420
(BOTH LAUGHING)
32
00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:44,381
PETER: Hello.
33
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,166
HELEN: Ah, there you are.
34
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:47,334
Hello.
35
00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:48,463
- Hey, Peter.
- Sweetheart.
36
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:49,590
Mom, you look radiant.
37
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:50,880
- Thank you.
- Hi, Sheila.
38
00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,423
These are for Mom's bunions...
39
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:55,934
If you want her on her feet in two hours
you'll make sure she wears those.
40
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,891
HELEN: Thank you, darling. That was sweet.
41
00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,054
You know, Peter,
42
00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:01,895
if ever you start questioning your sexuality,
43
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,856
I'd love to introduce you to my son, Jason.
44
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,731
- He's got a tight little butt.
- HELEN: Ooh.
45
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,240
I'll be downstairs if you need me.
46
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,359
- Thank you, Sheila.
- HELEN: Wow.
47
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,654
- Good to know.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
48
00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,488
Good for Jason.
49
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,741
(CHUCKLING) Where's Ethan?
50
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,410
Uh, he's here somewhere. Happy as a clam.
51
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,710
Oh, don't be discouraged.
52
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,169
You're a great dad.
53
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,376
Just love him
54
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,716
and be there for him.
55
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,427
And maybe loosen up a little.
56
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,433
I'm loose.
57
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,394
I mean...
58
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,396
I'm loose, whatevs.
59
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,561
Have you seen your brother yet?
60
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,234
Hmm? Oh, you invited him?
61
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,363
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
62
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,525
Life is so crazy, man.
63
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,703
One minute,
you're napping in Maui, unemployed,
64
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,489
uneducated, 30 bucks to your name...
65
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,578
The next minute, some guy's walking up to you
66
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:04,374
asking if he can put your picture
on a barbeque sauce bottle.
67
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:05,878
And the next minute...
68
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,917
They're giving you three cents
for every bottle they sell.
69
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:13,087
And the next minute they're selling
30 million of these bad boys.
70
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,217
BOTH: And then the next minute...
71
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:17,098
You're wearing a white leather jacket
72
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,806
and white high-tops to your mom's wedding.
73
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,060
Pete! (CHUCKLING)
74
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,849
(PETER GRUNTING)
75
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,897
It is so good to see you.
76
00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,979
I haven't seen this guy in two years.
77
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:28,394
Four. Actually.
78
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,107
- Has it been that long?
- Mmm-hmm.
79
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,568
Shut the front door. Are you messing with me?
80
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:33,949
He loves messing with me.
81
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,075
- Are you messing with me?
- I'm not.
82
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:38,453
God, you got to come over to Hawaii.
When are you gonna visit?
83
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,535
- Yeah.
- Hey, Kaylani! Come here!
84
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,745
I want you to meet someone
really special to me.
85
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:46,083
Someone I've been sleeping with
exclusively for the past six months.
86
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:47,666
Wow! Six whole months?
87
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,047
That's what I'm saying.
88
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,833
It's really special.
89
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,501
Aloha, Peter.
90
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,211
Hi.
91
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,013
Oh, okay.
92
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,100
(KAYLANI INHALES DEEPLY)
93
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,850
(KYLE INHALES DEEPLY)
94
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,237
I can feel your brother inside you.
95
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,193
I am inside you.
96
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,066
You are?
97
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,360
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
98
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,202
We're twins.
99
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,702
That's called a Honi.
100
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:27,252
That is a sacred Hawaiian greeting
101
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,957
that you just got.
102
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,212
Yeah.
103
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,710
Is that right?
104
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,042
So,
105
00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:36,469
how psyched are you for Mom
finding true love again?
106
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:37,846
It's awesome.
107
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,928
God, I just wish Dad
could've been here to see this.
108
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:42,350
Yeah.
109
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:44,931
- (SIGHS)
- ETHAN: Yo, Uncle Kyle!
110
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,012
Yeah?
111
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,184
You got to see this.
112
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:48,607
What's your boy's name?
113
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,976
It's Ethan.
114
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:54,191
You gotta meet Ethan.
He is the best kid. Come on!
115
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:13,920
OFFICIANT: Do you take this man
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
116
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:18,008
Do you take this woman
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
117
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:23,512
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
118
00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:26,220
- MAN: Beautiful!
- OFFICIANT: You may kiss the bride.
119
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,559
(GUESTS CHEERING)
120
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,353
(GLASSES CLINKING)
121
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,023
It's so nice to be here today.
122
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:42,653
There's a saying in Hawaii that goes
123
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,537
a little something like this...
124
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:48,326
(SPEAKING HAWAIIAN)
125
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,123
That translates very simply as...
126
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:58,340
"Life is alive once more inside of me
127
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,299
"from my love of you."
128
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,006
And, Gene,
129
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:06,553
my mother's life is so alive right now
130
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,015
with you inside her.
131
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,434
- Hey, now...
- So, I want to raise a toast.
132
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,394
- (GUESTS LAUGHING)
- To mean Gene...
133
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,903
And the greatest mom on earth.
134
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,611
Cheers! Hey, l'chaim, everybody!
135
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:23,076
HELEN: Thank you, darling.
136
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:24,736
KYLE: Cheers!
137
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:27,739
- That went good.
- (INAUDIBLE)
138
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:28,953
What?
139
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,328
What?
140
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,454
Yes.
141
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,411
- No way!
- I'm serious.
142
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,125
Wait, wait, wait. One more thing to say.
143
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,631
Wait, everybody hold on.
144
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,758
Forget about that 70 inch TV we gave you,
145
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,511
because we've got another wedding gift.
146
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,427
You're finally gonna be a grandmother!
147
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,807
- (GASPS) Oh!
- Yeah.
148
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:48,226
Yes!
149
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,557
I mean, a grandmother again!
150
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,266
I'm sorry, Pete.
151
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,487
(GUESTS CHEERING)
152
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,983
KYLE: My life is so perfect!
153
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,697
MALE NARRATOR: (ON TV) ...an elite squad
known as the Special Victims Unit.
154
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:05,951
These are their stories.
155
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:07,824
(MOUTHING)
156
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,658
I told you, Detective, I can press charges.
157
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,076
Out of respect for...
158
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,666
Shh. Let's cut to the chase, Nigel.
159
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:16,955
May I call you Nigel?
160
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,459
You see, Nigel...
161
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,553
I know that men have needs.
162
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:29,726
But when a wife can't fill those needs,
men have to look elsewhere.
163
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:31,345
Yes.
164
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,361
What the fuck?
165
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,238
- I need to talk to both of you guys.
- What?
166
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,368
Okay.
167
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:52,575
Mom, I need to talk to you.
168
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:53,951
- Oh, okay.
- Thanks.
169
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:57,204
- Boom!
- KYLE: What a beauty.
170
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,334
Boy, she is such a good actress.
171
00:08:58,496 --> 00:08:59,543
Hot.
172
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,674
No, no, not her.
173
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,251
Boom.
174
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,337
- BENSON: Now!
- Mmm-hmm?
175
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,841
Foot fetish. (CHUCKLES)
176
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,351
I like this guy.
177
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:13,724
PETER: No, no, not that.
178
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,230
Don't you see the resemblance?
179
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,433
KYLE: The resemblance to who?
180
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,022
Our father!
181
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,528
He's alive!
182
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,233
KYLE: To our father?
183
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,774
Are you on acid right now, Pete?
184
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,489
No, Kyle, look at his birthmark.
185
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:31,120
KYLE: Yeah, I'm looking.
186
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,701
Mom, can you tell him this isn't our father?
187
00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:33,911
He isn't your father.
188
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:38,249
Mom, I've been looking at his picture
every day since I was four years old.
189
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,209
That birthmark is unmistakable!
190
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:41,463
GENE: Honey, is everything okay?
191
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:42,966
Well, Pete has, uh,
192
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,717
lost touch with reality.
193
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:47,095
The man in the photos I gave you
194
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,385
wasn't actually your father.
195
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:50,548
Okay, what?
196
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,633
What?
197
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,473
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
198
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,681
Okay, he was a friend of mine from college.
199
00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,770
He was an English exchange student.
200
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,480
He went back after graduation.
201
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,646
I just thought you'd never see him.
202
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:04,813
He's not my dad?
203
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:07,573
He was studying to be a botanist,
for crying out loud.
204
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,200
He's an orphan,
205
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,952
and then he got colon cancer.
206
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,161
HELEN: No.
207
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,159
(SIGHS)
208
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,284
I made up all those stories
about your father.
209
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,499
That he was an orphan,
that he came from England.
210
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,751
That he died of colon cancer.
211
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,633
- Wow.
- HELEN: The truth is...
212
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:30,381
And I probably should've told you
a long time ago...
213
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,257
I think you should have.
214
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,179
I wasn't sure who your father was.
215
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,603
How does that work?
216
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,568
Yeah, how does that work?
217
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,271
Well,
218
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,114
you've got to understand...
219
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:51,197
It was the '70s. It was the crazy '70s.
220
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,453
It was disco era.
221
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,371
I was a young girl living in New York.
222
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:57,328
And if you went partying in places
223
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,993
like Studio 54...
224
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,835
And, you know, everybody was high
and fucking...
225
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,796
And monogamy wasn't exactly a priority.
226
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:10,133
I mean, you just go in there
and the mood, it would...
227
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,093
(SINGING) Baby tonight
Hot stuff
228
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:13,301
Remember that?
229
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:14,803
And then, you know, you just...
230
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:16,593
- PETER: We get it.
- All these great people...
231
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,511
In exactly the same situation you were,
232
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,555
feeling exactly the same thing
you were, and...
233
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,440
You would dance with them, you know...
234
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:26,229
And then you go and you just,
you know, you'd sleep with them.
235
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:29,318
It's true. The priority
was smoking weed and fucking.
236
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,481
Well, sure, yeah.
237
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,067
KYLE: Studio 54?
238
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:34,110
- How awesome is that?
- Yeah.
239
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,491
- (CHUCKLES)
- PETER: Awesome?
240
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,371
You think this is awesome?
241
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,407
KYLE: Well, it's not not awesome.
242
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:42,498
It helps to explain my zest for love making.
243
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,628
I've always wondered where I got that from.
244
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,425
Now we know.
245
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:51,803
I spent my whole life
trying to honor my father's memory.
246
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,217
And you have.
247
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:54,426
PETER: What memory?
248
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,430
I stare at assholes all day long
249
00:11:57,592 --> 00:12:00,812
because of a fictional man's colon cancer.
250
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,519
Pete, could you pivot into plastic surgery
251
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:05,979
or something less butt-related?
252
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,361
I mean, you're really smart,
I don't see why not.
253
00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:10,738
Kyle, how are you not freaking out right now?
254
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:11,898
Okay, that's not fair!
255
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,442
You can't tell people how to freak out.
256
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,110
Now I want everybody to calm down, all right?
257
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:18,530
I am so sorry, you guys,
but the light is going quickly.
258
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,164
It's the last chance for family photos.
259
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:21,700
Not a good time, Annie!
260
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,328
It's a perfect time, Annie.
261
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,918
Okay, just get a little bit tighter
and we'll get a nice family shot.
262
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,377
Oh, you guys look so good. Hold on.
263
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:30,800
- This looks perfect.
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
264
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,086
Oh, so good!
265
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,137
That is going to be a good one.
266
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,297
You can't leave just yet.
267
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:37,886
We need Mom and her sons.
268
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,517
Oh, good idea.
269
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:41,428
Okay. Come back up here.
270
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,432
I'm gonna need you guys looking forward...
271
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,066
Big smiles.
272
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:48,226
Perfect, Kyle.
273
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:49,861
Oh, my God, Dr. Reynolds...
274
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,443
This means he's out there.
275
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,615
He's out there somewhere.
276
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,866
Not now, Peter.
277
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,528
Dr. Reynolds, if I can get you
looking at the camera.
278
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,993
He's been out there this whole time.
279
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,700
That is true.
I mean, who do you think it was?
280
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:04,867
As we got older, surely...
281
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,126
Was there someone
that we started to remind you of?
282
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,038
Just stop it. Will you just please stop it?
283
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:11,629
None of the men I was with
would have made a good father.
284
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,418
I was trying to protect you.
285
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,052
Protect yourself, more like.
286
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,259
Hey, wait a minute.
287
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:20,346
I need a name. I think you owe me a name.
288
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:23,060
ANNIE: Hey, Reynolds!
289
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,101
Camera! Now!
290
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,224
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- Perfect.
291
00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:30,151
We got it.
292
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,274
Fucking thank you.
293
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,565
I can't talk about this now, Peter.
294
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,235
- Okay, she... Mom has spoken...
- What? What? What?
295
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,871
Pete, you're spinning out of control
literally.
296
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,248
Just calm down.
297
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:44,453
Stop telling me to calm down!
298
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:45,742
Okay?
299
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,956
I just need to know this!
300
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:50,706
Just give me something.
301
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:51,964
Please.
302
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,584
Terry Bradshaw.
303
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,847
Four time Super Bowl champion,
Terry Bradshaw?
304
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,224
Yeah.
305
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:03,976
The Enterprise Rent-A-Car spokesman,
Terry Bradshaw?
306
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,308
Fox sports TV commentator, Terry Bradshaw?
307
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,018
Yep. Terry Bradshaw.
308
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,433
No, no, no.
309
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,267
That's insane!
310
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,771
We started dating
311
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,233
the fall of '74,
312
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,943
just after he gave up
313
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:20,281
his starting position to Joe Gilliam.
314
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,077
There's no way she would know
who Joe Gilliam was.
315
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,240
Pete!
316
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:27,579
Wait, Mom, this is...
317
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,418
Do you realize how incredible this is?
318
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,329
This is the guy you loved growing up!
319
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,840
Gene, he had every poster on the wall!
320
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,501
- I know...
- Can I get a smile now?
321
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,260
Now, will you relax?
322
00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:40,422
- I love Terry Bradshaw.
- I know!
323
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,052
PETER: He's the greatest!
324
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,307
- KYLE: Yeah.
- Yup.
325
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,343
Which raises the inevitable question...
326
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:48,059
Why did you not
327
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,098
tell us
328
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:52,983
that the coolest man on earth was our father?
329
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,941
Well, he wasn't
330
00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:59,115
the man you saw on TV.
331
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,161
He was violent.
332
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,697
He hit you?
333
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:06,910
No.
334
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:10,039
But as a football player,
335
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:13,671
he was frequently violent.
336
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,048
As a football player?
337
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,833
Yeah, on Sundays.
338
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,176
Sometimes Monday nights.
339
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,339
Oh, on game days
340
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:23,677
he was violent... I got it.
341
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,342
Yeah, 'cause that was his job.
342
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,184
That's what he did for a living!
343
00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:28,848
(CHUCKLES)
344
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,729
Oh, my God!
345
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:33,437
Do you have any idea
what my life might have been like
346
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,226
with Terry Bradshaw in the picture?
347
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:38,021
I might even be in the NFL right now!
348
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,188
- Come on!
- We don't know!
349
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,982
You didn't even make our middle school team.
350
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:42,987
That's because I didn't have Terry Bradshaw
351
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,410
teaching me the fundamentals.
352
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:47,288
Oh, Peter, please, just please...
353
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:51,994
My life is basically crap right now,
354
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,788
and it's your fault.
355
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,123
That's not fair.
356
00:15:57,832 --> 00:16:00,005
Pete. Hey!
357
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,762
Mom, let me talk to him.
358
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:05,841
KYLE: Hey, Pete!
359
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,225
Pete, come here for a second.
360
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:09,351
Hey, Pete, where are you going?
361
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,478
Come on, you got to apologize.
362
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,638
Apologize for what?
363
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,274
Well, you're being really tough on Mom.
364
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,771
Hey, what are you doing?
No! You're not driving.
365
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,485
Look, maybe I blew my stack at Mom.
366
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:23,403
It's just...
367
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,281
She kept Dad from us.
368
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:26,570
I know.
369
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:27,828
What the hell?
370
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:32,038
You know how many times
I just wanted to know him?
371
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,454
I just wanted him there to ask about...
372
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:39,124
Ethan, about Katherine, about...
373
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,964
About everything, you know?
374
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:43,344
Yeah, I know how much you wanted that.
375
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,427
Yeah, I don't think you do, man.
376
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,726
I can talk to him.
377
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,474
- Yeah.
- It's Terry Bradshaw.
378
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:00,611
I'm gonna go find him.
379
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:02,651
I'm gonna find Dad.
380
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:04,281
Great! Let's do it.
381
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,033
- Oh, no. You can't come.
- Oh, I'm coming.
382
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,193
You never gave a shit about Dad.
383
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,737
He's my father, too!
384
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,038
I don't take my orders from you.
385
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,616
I take them from the universe.
386
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:15,251
And the universe wants us to go together.
387
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,706
You're not coming.
388
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,087
Wait, hold on, wait, who was that?
389
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,249
Hello, yes?
390
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,836
It's the universe?
391
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,091
Yeah.
392
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:26,220
You want me to go with my brother?
393
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,890
Pete doesn't want me to go.
394
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,138
- Fuck him?
- (CHUCKLES)
395
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,386
I know. You said it with a wink.
396
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,851
Okay. I love you, too.
397
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,274
That was the universe.
398
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,433
Now, where does he live?
399
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,394
Miami.
400
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:43,522
Done. Miami.
401
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:44,906
That's where we meet him.
402
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:48,906
- We're going to Miami.
- God damn it. Yes!
403
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,286
- Come on!
- PETER: Fine.
404
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,573
You can come, but don't be annoying.
405
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,791
Let me look at you. Kiss.
406
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,626
(KAYLANI CHUCKLES)
407
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,584
KYLE: Okay, what's our plan?
408
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,219
Um, we're still in good shape.
409
00:18:07,378 --> 00:18:09,221
Mr. Bradshaw will be
410
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:13,726
at the grand opening
of North Miami Beach, Bradshaw Motors.
411
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,682
- Yeah.
- This afternoon.
412
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,642
Okay, well, that's where
we're gonna meet him.
413
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:18,723
Yup.
414
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:20,809
By the way, thank you
for letting me upgrade us.
415
00:18:20,975 --> 00:18:22,727
I think you're gonna love first class.
416
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:24,395
I think it's kind of a waste of money.
417
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:25,780
Not when it's my money.
418
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:30,694
Look, Pete, money is never wasted
when it's spent on the ones you love.
419
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:31,987
Like a brother.
420
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,246
Or a jet ski.
421
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,833
Or a party boat.
422
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:39,710
Push play. Can I see that?
423
00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,914
TERRY: I hate to run.
But not running is worse.
424
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,333
So, if I've got to run,
it's going to be in the most...
425
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,672
KYLE: (CHUCKLING) Look at that Adonis.
426
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:48,927
That's our dad.
427
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:51,009
I can't believe it.
428
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,173
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Mr. Reynolds...
429
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,512
Oh, and Mr. Reynolds.
430
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,635
- Are you guys married?
- PETER: No.
431
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,394
We're just watching some footage
on our father.
432
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:58,680
We're on our way to meet him
433
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,018
for the very first time.
434
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:03,356
So, we're a little nervous
and a whole lot excited.
435
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,440
(GASPS) Aren't you just the sweetest thing.
436
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:06,980
If you think I'm sweet...
437
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,693
Let me introduce you to big bro here.
438
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,608
He is like a ripe, honeydew melon.
439
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,068
Ooh, a honeydew, huh?
440
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,278
I love honeydews.
441
00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,037
Yeah, they're really yummy.
442
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:16,414
They're delicious.
443
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:19,246
There is this thing, though,
you should know about fruit.
444
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,706
A lot of melons in particular. The skin
445
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:24,167
is a breeding ground for bacteria.
446
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:27,584
E.coli and stuff. It's just something
to be aware of, you know.
447
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,673
Something to keep in mind
448
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:32,714
in your fruit-related endeavors
moving forward.
449
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,098
He's a doctor.
450
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,259
Always saving lives.
451
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,643
Oh, a doctor.
452
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:40,271
Dr. Reynolds. (GIGGLES)
453
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:41,851
- I'll be careful.
- Yes.
454
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:43,649
You're welcome. Be careful.
455
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,317
(CHUCKLES)
456
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,187
God!
457
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,605
What are you doing?
458
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:49,689
What?
459
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:51,115
You guys had some chemistry.
460
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,776
I was trying to facilitate it.
461
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,321
I think it's called being a wingman.
462
00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:59,582
I don't need a wingman. All right?
463
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,583
I'm not on this trip to get laid.
464
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:05,497
Come on. There was a little electricity
there between you two.
465
00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:06,747
Did you notice
466
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:08,757
a little chemistry there between them?
467
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,419
I bet she's a real cock tease.
468
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,379
Yeah, right. Stop projecting.
469
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:14,638
Listen,
470
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:18,012
how many women have you been with
since the divorce?
471
00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:19,093
Ten?
472
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:21,349
Yup. Ten.
473
00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:22,855
And it's been a year?
474
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:26,108
- Three.
- Ten in three years?
475
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,268
Yeah.
476
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:30,362
(SIGHS)
477
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:33,904
I'm really sorry. I had no idea.
478
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,784
I'm being sarcastic.
479
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,701
I haven't had sex with anyone
since Katherine.
480
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:43,539
I haven't had sex with anyone
besides Katherine.
481
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:45,039
We got married in college.
482
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:46,166
Remember?
483
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:47,455
What?
484
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,558
ANNOUNCER: Welcome to
Miami International Airport.
485
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,266
Peter, Peter, Peter,
is it like a physical thing?
486
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,396
- PETER: What?
- Is it like a blood flow...
487
00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:05,682
PETER: God, no!
488
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,063
No, my penis is fine!
489
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:09,226
Well, what is the deal?
490
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:11,987
Ever since the divorce,
I've been a little depressed, okay?
491
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,944
That makes sense. And it just...
492
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,860
Don't patronize me, okay?
You wouldn't know anything about that.
493
00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:19,905
Of course I do. You don't think I know
what it's like to be depressed?
494
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,573
The saddest I've ever seen you is like...
495
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:25,038
I've never seen you sad!
496
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:27,124
- You can't get into a contest...
- That is actually sad.
497
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:28,287
...on who's more sad than the other guy.
498
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:29,371
That's weird!
499
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,836
No. It's weird that you keep...
500
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:34,002
Dr. Reynolds, good luck meeting your father.
501
00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:36,671
Thanks. Good luck with your uniform.
502
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:38,799
(FLIGHT ATTENDANTS GIGGLING)
503
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,260
No, I'm not going to let you do that anymore.
504
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:43,427
Do what?
505
00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:45,847
Just deliberately self-sabotage. Okay?
506
00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:48,107
The top mission is still bonding with Dad.
507
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:50,017
Sub-mission is getting you laid.
508
00:21:50,184 --> 00:21:53,108
Mission below that is gonna be
having stone crabs.
509
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:55,398
Mission below that, swimming with dolphins.
510
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:03,782
PETER: Hey, when we get to the dealership
511
00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:05,411
you have to do all the talking.
512
00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:08,461
KYLE: You cannot be nervous, Peter.
He's a regular guy,
513
00:22:08,619 --> 00:22:10,121
just like us.
514
00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:11,964
TERRY: There you go.
515
00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:13,169
Thank you.
516
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,925
Don't forget to buy a car.
517
00:22:15,084 --> 00:22:16,552
Just kidding. (CHUCKLES)
518
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:17,962
Hey, fellas, how you doing?
519
00:22:18,212 --> 00:22:19,885
Hi, Terry Bradshaw.
520
00:22:20,047 --> 00:22:21,549
- Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
521
00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:30,975
Is he okay?
522
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,194
Aw! Bless his heart.
523
00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:36,522
You're one of my special fans, aren't you?
524
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:37,690
Hey, bub.
525
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,817
How you doing? God bless you.
526
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,281
Oh, no. He's not special.
527
00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:43,161
No, no. I am special, Pete.
528
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,118
We're both special.
529
00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:51,378
Do I know you?
530
00:22:51,829 --> 00:22:54,048
Oh, I don't think so. I'd remember.
531
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:55,708
TERRY: Really? Are you sure?
532
00:22:56,333 --> 00:22:58,631
You really do look familiar.
533
00:22:59,003 --> 00:23:00,095
- Show him.
- PETER: Yeah.
534
00:23:00,504 --> 00:23:01,756
Well, um...
535
00:23:02,298 --> 00:23:05,177
Do you remember a woman named Helen Baxter?
536
00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:07,140
Helen Baxter?
537
00:23:08,262 --> 00:23:10,060
Helen Baxter...
538
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:12,020
Oh, my God.
539
00:23:14,852 --> 00:23:15,979
Wow.
540
00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:17,947
God.
541
00:23:18,355 --> 00:23:21,153
Well, talk about a blast from the past.
542
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:22,610
(BOTH GASP)
543
00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:26,038
This woman was something else.
544
00:23:27,281 --> 00:23:29,079
She had the tightest ass you've ever seen.
545
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:30,538
I mean, awesome.
546
00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:32,749
Yeah, but Helen was much more than that.
547
00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:36,336
She had a mouth. Oh!
548
00:23:36,707 --> 00:23:39,176
And a tongue. Oh!
549
00:23:39,376 --> 00:23:41,549
(CHUCKLING) And I'm telling you,
550
00:23:41,712 --> 00:23:44,056
it damn near cost us the Super Bowl.
551
00:23:44,214 --> 00:23:48,060
Well, Mom was a Browns fan so...
552
00:23:48,218 --> 00:23:49,970
Did you say that Helen is your mother?
553
00:23:50,054 --> 00:23:51,055
Yeah.
554
00:23:51,138 --> 00:23:54,108
Well, technically, I said it, sir,
because we're...
555
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:56,519
We're both her sons. We're twins.
556
00:23:56,852 --> 00:23:58,445
You're Helen Baxter's son?
557
00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:01,073
We're both her boys, yes.
558
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:02,653
That is...
559
00:24:02,733 --> 00:24:04,952
That is what we are saying. Yes.
560
00:24:05,235 --> 00:24:06,407
How is she?
561
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:09,452
Well, she's great.
562
00:24:09,615 --> 00:24:12,460
You know, she, uh, just got married.
563
00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:15,963
And, uh, she's a lot different
than how you remember her.
564
00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:17,167
That's for sure.
565
00:24:17,247 --> 00:24:19,045
KYLE: Just a little.
566
00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:20,718
Oh, my...
567
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,471
KYLE: Say it.
568
00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:27,011
Say it.
569
00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:30,727
You're my son, aren't you?
570
00:24:32,554 --> 00:24:34,352
I think so.
571
00:24:34,515 --> 00:24:38,110
Well, technically, we both are because
like I was saying earlier, we're twins.
572
00:24:38,268 --> 00:24:39,770
We're both her sons.
573
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,235
You're my son.
574
00:24:42,690 --> 00:24:43,782
Yes.
575
00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:45,693
(GASPS)
576
00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:50,911
Come here. Come here.
577
00:24:51,073 --> 00:24:54,293
Oh, this is just amazing.
578
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,788
Oh, my God.
579
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,753
I had no idea that she was even pregnant.
580
00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:06,263
You gotta believe me.
Helen never said a word.
581
00:25:06,422 --> 00:25:08,299
We know. Don't worry about it.
582
00:25:08,382 --> 00:25:09,509
I mean, I can't believe this.
583
00:25:09,591 --> 00:25:12,345
I mean, you guys have been out there
the whole time.
584
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,104
- It's really emotional.
- I know, yeah.
585
00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:16,648
I already have a son. His name is Trent.
586
00:25:17,558 --> 00:25:19,151
He's kind of a nob.
Do you know what I'm saying?
587
00:25:19,309 --> 00:25:20,652
So is my son.
588
00:25:20,811 --> 00:25:22,939
Oh, man. Do you have any plans?
589
00:25:23,105 --> 00:25:24,193
You guys got anything to do?
590
00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:25,274
No.
591
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:26,904
Look, why don't you come over to the house
592
00:25:27,067 --> 00:25:28,614
and we'll have some food and drinks.
593
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:29,904
- What do you say?
- That would be incredible.
594
00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:31,288
- Great. Yeah.
- Okay?
595
00:25:31,405 --> 00:25:32,532
Uh... (STAMMERING)
596
00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:34,366
Pete, why don't you ride with me.
597
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:37,082
And, Donald, you can just follow, okay?
598
00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:38,541
Okay. It's Kyle.
599
00:25:38,704 --> 00:25:39,705
Is this your car?
600
00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:42,466
Yeah. This is a '75 Stingray.
601
00:25:42,624 --> 00:25:45,048
- It's my favorite car! Literally!
- You like it? Really?
602
00:25:45,669 --> 00:25:47,672
Here. You drive.
603
00:25:47,838 --> 00:25:49,385
Donald, see if you can keep up.
604
00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:51,767
- It's still Kyle.
- Come on. Let's go.
605
00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:53,393
You like this, huh?
606
00:26:06,148 --> 00:26:08,492
This is amazing, Mr. Bradshaw!
607
00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:09,651
Please.
608
00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:12,116
Just call me Terry, okay?
609
00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:14,282
PETER: All right! Well, then Terry it is!
610
00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:15,494
- (ENGINE REVVING)
- Whoo!
611
00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:17,793
KYLE: Okay, take it easy, lead foot.
612
00:26:17,951 --> 00:26:19,874
I'm in a Ford Focus here.
613
00:26:20,913 --> 00:26:23,007
Damn it, slow it down!
614
00:26:36,970 --> 00:26:38,813
(TERRY LAUGHS)
615
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:41,274
TERRY: Hey, hey, I'm home!
616
00:26:41,433 --> 00:26:42,901
Did you pick up the fresh garlic I needed?
617
00:26:43,060 --> 00:26:44,437
The, uh, fresh garlic.
618
00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:47,448
No, I didn't get the fresh garlic.
Got something better, though.
619
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:48,824
What did you pick up?
620
00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:51,531
I picked up a son. (CHUCKLES)
621
00:26:51,693 --> 00:26:53,070
Pete. Say hi, Pete.
622
00:26:53,153 --> 00:26:54,154
Hi.
623
00:26:54,238 --> 00:26:55,284
How are you?
624
00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:56,707
(CHUCKLES) Pete.
625
00:26:58,951 --> 00:27:00,828
This is a joke. Right?
626
00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:02,462
No, no, this is not a joke.
627
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:05,375
His mother and I used to have
unprotected sex all the time.
628
00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:07,965
Don't worry, Pete. All right?
She knows all about my crazy past.
629
00:27:08,961 --> 00:27:10,713
I'm Peter Reynolds. So glad to meet you.
630
00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:13,348
It's nice to meet you, Peter.
631
00:27:13,507 --> 00:27:16,101
Sweetie, could I have a word with you
in the kitchen?
632
00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:17,978
- Me?
- Yeah.
633
00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:20,231
Hey, Pete, make yourself at home.
634
00:27:20,430 --> 00:27:22,683
My home is your home now. (CHUCKLES)
635
00:27:22,850 --> 00:27:23,977
My home is your home now.
636
00:27:24,143 --> 00:27:25,486
- Can you believe I said that?
- Yeah, I heard that.
637
00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,112
I think we need to, kind of, just talk.
638
00:27:27,271 --> 00:27:28,898
TERRY: What? What do you wanna talk...
639
00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:31,283
Listen, sweetie, this is insane, okay?
640
00:27:31,525 --> 00:27:34,279
You can't just invite somebody into our home.
641
00:27:34,444 --> 00:27:37,414
I mean, he could be, like, a con artist
looking for money.
642
00:27:37,573 --> 00:27:39,246
- Money? You're serious?
- Yes. Did you think about...
643
00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:40,454
- Yes.
- No way.
644
00:27:40,534 --> 00:27:41,581
Pete!
645
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:43,291
Do you need money?
646
00:27:43,453 --> 00:27:45,706
Are you here to rob us?
647
00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:47,500
Oh, no, I'm good.
648
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,043
I'm a physician actually.
649
00:27:50,377 --> 00:27:51,845
Did you hear that?
650
00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:54,678
My boy is a doctor. (LAUGHS)
651
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,093
You're a doctor, son. Proud of you!
652
00:27:57,259 --> 00:27:59,933
- Thanks!
- TERRY: I've got a doctor in my family.
653
00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:02,519
Go deep, Pete! Deep, deep!
654
00:28:04,975 --> 00:28:06,352
- (GRUNTS)
- (TERRY WHOOPS)
655
00:28:06,435 --> 00:28:08,108
Nice grab, Pete!
656
00:28:08,270 --> 00:28:10,068
Atta boy! Great catch, son.
657
00:28:10,272 --> 00:28:12,366
Way to go, babe.
658
00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:16,324
I gotta tell you, Pete.
659
00:28:16,486 --> 00:28:19,285
Had a bit of a colon cancer scare
a few years back.
660
00:28:19,489 --> 00:28:20,536
- Really?
- Yeah.
661
00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:23,874
Thank God I had a good GI doc.
662
00:28:24,036 --> 00:28:27,290
I know you guys, you know,
you catch a lot of guff.
663
00:28:27,456 --> 00:28:29,959
But, man, it's a noble profession.
664
00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:31,627
Noble as heck.
665
00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:35,096
Really appreciate you saying that.
666
00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:37,599
Really do.
667
00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:39,476
Be cool, man.
668
00:28:39,635 --> 00:28:41,729
You know, when I first came
into the league...
669
00:28:41,887 --> 00:28:43,935
I was a bit of a hot head.
670
00:28:44,097 --> 00:28:46,521
I mean, it didn't take so much
as a slight breeze,
671
00:28:46,683 --> 00:28:48,651
and God, I'd go off.
672
00:28:48,810 --> 00:28:50,562
Hey, say hello to this guy.
673
00:28:50,771 --> 00:28:53,274
Mr. Powder Keg. Horrible temper.
674
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:54,441
Shut the fuck up.
675
00:28:54,608 --> 00:28:55,609
TERRY: Your mother, boy...
676
00:28:55,776 --> 00:28:59,121
She had this amazing patience about her.
677
00:28:59,446 --> 00:29:02,495
She had this way of channeling all my anger
678
00:29:02,658 --> 00:29:04,251
into things that were good.
679
00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:06,958
Not only on the field,
but, you know, off the field.
680
00:29:07,788 --> 00:29:09,256
God!
681
00:29:09,414 --> 00:29:12,384
That woman just drove me crazy sometimes.
682
00:29:12,834 --> 00:29:14,802
That sounds like Mom.
683
00:29:14,962 --> 00:29:16,430
I know one thing.
684
00:29:16,838 --> 00:29:19,011
I wouldn't have made it
through a single season
685
00:29:19,716 --> 00:29:21,593
had it not been for your mom.
686
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:22,761
That's the truth.
687
00:29:23,512 --> 00:29:25,355
God, I loved that woman.
688
00:29:25,514 --> 00:29:26,982
I really did.
689
00:29:27,266 --> 00:29:28,813
Wow.
690
00:29:30,310 --> 00:29:31,937
That's beautiful.
691
00:29:32,938 --> 00:29:33,939
Hey, Terry.
692
00:29:34,106 --> 00:29:37,076
Hey, you want to see someone
who can catch, hit me on a bomb.
693
00:29:37,317 --> 00:29:38,864
Go, go.
694
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:46,288
- Oh!
- (KYLE GROANS)
695
00:29:46,368 --> 00:29:47,495
(TERRY AND PETER GASP)
696
00:29:47,577 --> 00:29:49,375
KYLE: God! (GROANS)
697
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:53,292
Sorry, son.
698
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,377
Old habits die hard.
699
00:29:55,752 --> 00:29:57,675
Rod Hamilton.
700
00:29:57,838 --> 00:29:59,260
Big fan.
701
00:29:59,423 --> 00:30:01,141
I played 10 years with that guy.
702
00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:04,224
He missed me so much,
the bastard moved in next door.
703
00:30:04,469 --> 00:30:07,018
- (LAUGHS)
- Hey! You still got it, Rod!
704
00:30:07,347 --> 00:30:08,690
He caught the ball.
705
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:11,856
I love it.
706
00:30:12,019 --> 00:30:14,272
He's still on the juice, baby.
707
00:30:14,438 --> 00:30:16,736
He's still on the juice.
708
00:30:17,316 --> 00:30:20,911
(LAUGHTER)
709
00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:22,237
To Rod.
710
00:30:22,404 --> 00:30:24,122
PETER: Just demolished you.
711
00:30:24,281 --> 00:30:25,703
Son of a bitch.
712
00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:27,709
You need some Advil.
713
00:30:27,951 --> 00:30:29,043
Hey, Rod.
714
00:30:29,202 --> 00:30:32,001
Does the name Helen Baxter ring a bell?
715
00:30:32,164 --> 00:30:33,256
Ring a bell?
716
00:30:33,415 --> 00:30:35,213
It does more than ring a bell.
717
00:30:35,375 --> 00:30:37,173
I think I just came in my pants.
718
00:30:37,336 --> 00:30:38,963
- No, Rod...
- ROD: Damn, man.
719
00:30:39,129 --> 00:30:40,347
That woman could fuck.
720
00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:41,802
TERRY: Oh, Rod, you really might...
721
00:30:41,965 --> 00:30:43,137
ROD: Look, the woman
722
00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:45,769
was like a dick whisperer.
723
00:30:45,927 --> 00:30:48,681
Like, she'd get all up inside
the head of the dick
724
00:30:48,847 --> 00:30:50,770
and know exactly what it wanted.
725
00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:53,230
Yeah, she'd get all up in that shaft,
726
00:30:53,393 --> 00:30:54,611
and then in them balls,
727
00:30:54,770 --> 00:30:56,864
and in the tip.
728
00:30:57,022 --> 00:30:59,821
Ooh. I'm getting hard just thinking about it.
729
00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:02,611
So, what makes you think about Helen Baxter?
730
00:31:02,778 --> 00:31:04,451
- She's our mom.
- Yeah.
731
00:31:05,781 --> 00:31:07,249
I don't know no Helen Baxter.
732
00:31:07,407 --> 00:31:08,499
Sounds like you did.
733
00:31:08,658 --> 00:31:10,160
All we did was cuddle.
734
00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:11,244
Word.
735
00:31:12,079 --> 00:31:15,299
It's okay, Rod, you didn't know.
736
00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:18,006
It's a little awkward,
but, yeah, she's our mom.
737
00:31:18,168 --> 00:31:21,138
Hey, Rod, turns out...
738
00:31:21,296 --> 00:31:22,388
I'm their father.
739
00:31:22,547 --> 00:31:23,719
- KYLE: That's right.
- How about that?
740
00:31:23,882 --> 00:31:25,600
These are my boys. How about that?
741
00:31:25,759 --> 00:31:27,136
- Whoa! (CHUCKLES)
- TERRY: Yeah!
742
00:31:27,677 --> 00:31:29,054
Congratulations.
743
00:31:29,221 --> 00:31:30,439
Thank you. Cheers.
744
00:31:30,597 --> 00:31:34,272
Evidently, I knocked Helen up
sometime after Super Bowl IX.
745
00:31:34,434 --> 00:31:37,188
Yeah, we were reading,
that's when you went off to Australia
746
00:31:37,354 --> 00:31:39,357
to record the country and western album.
747
00:31:39,523 --> 00:31:42,823
Cowboys and Kangaroos,
I believe was the name.
748
00:31:42,984 --> 00:31:44,236
That shit was awful, wasn't it?
749
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:45,996
- You realize what that means...
- What?
750
00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:47,997
We were conceived in Australia.
751
00:31:48,156 --> 00:31:49,874
- KYLE: Yeah.
- PETER: We're Aussies.
752
00:31:50,033 --> 00:31:51,079
Out in the outback.
753
00:31:51,159 --> 00:31:52,502
TERRY: No, Pete.
754
00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:55,664
You know, now that I think of it...
755
00:31:55,831 --> 00:31:58,209
Helen didn't make that trip.
756
00:31:58,375 --> 00:32:00,093
We got in this big fight
757
00:32:00,252 --> 00:32:02,721
'cause she didn't have a passport.
758
00:32:02,879 --> 00:32:04,927
- God, I was such a jerk to her.
- ROD: Wait, wait.
759
00:32:05,424 --> 00:32:08,599
Isn't that when she started dating
the Wall Street guy?
760
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,012
Yeah, that skinny, white dude,
761
00:32:10,178 --> 00:32:11,725
he used to throw around his money and coke.
762
00:32:11,805 --> 00:32:12,806
Roland.
763
00:32:12,889 --> 00:32:15,643
Yeah, yeah, Roland. Roland Hunt, asshole.
764
00:32:15,809 --> 00:32:17,061
- Nobody liked him.
- No.
765
00:32:17,227 --> 00:32:18,319
Yeah.
766
00:32:19,855 --> 00:32:21,448
What? No.
767
00:32:22,899 --> 00:32:24,276
Terry.
768
00:32:24,526 --> 00:32:25,869
Come on.
769
00:32:26,027 --> 00:32:27,074
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait.
770
00:32:27,237 --> 00:32:28,238
Look at him.
771
00:32:31,032 --> 00:32:33,330
He actually looks like Roland.
772
00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:34,957
No, I don't.
773
00:32:35,704 --> 00:32:38,583
You know, you do, Pete.
774
00:32:40,208 --> 00:32:41,922
The, uh, eyes?
775
00:32:42,002 --> 00:32:43,003
The nose?
776
00:32:43,086 --> 00:32:44,178
ROD: The peanut head.
777
00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:45,509
TERRY: The long, skinny neck.
778
00:32:45,839 --> 00:32:46,886
ROD: The mouth?
779
00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:48,266
TERRY: Yeah. The mouth.
780
00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:50,135
No, he's right.
781
00:32:50,302 --> 00:32:52,350
You just said Roland was an asshole,
nobody liked him.
782
00:32:52,512 --> 00:32:53,889
Why would Mom sleep with him?
783
00:32:54,055 --> 00:32:56,228
Charity fuck? I don't know.
784
00:32:56,391 --> 00:32:58,735
No, no. We already figured this out.
785
00:32:58,894 --> 00:33:00,316
Terry is our dad.
786
00:33:00,479 --> 00:33:02,322
You're our dad, right?
787
00:33:08,361 --> 00:33:10,079
Uh... No.
788
00:33:10,530 --> 00:33:11,576
TERRY: Gosh, fellas.
789
00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:15,160
I don't know what to say.
I'm so sorry I'm not your dad. Really.
790
00:33:15,327 --> 00:33:16,374
Yeah.
791
00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:18,667
Donald. Thanks.
792
00:33:18,747 --> 00:33:19,794
It's still Kyle.
793
00:33:19,956 --> 00:33:21,799
Was that fun, throwing the ball on the beach?
794
00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:23,835
- So fun.
- You guys are good, good hands.
795
00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:25,470
I thought it was a blast.
796
00:33:25,629 --> 00:33:27,427
I love you, Terry.
797
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:29,591
Yeah. Okay.
798
00:33:29,758 --> 00:33:30,759
KYLE: We'll see you down the road.
799
00:33:30,926 --> 00:33:33,179
All right, man. All right.
Y'all be good, hear?
800
00:33:33,345 --> 00:33:34,563
You take care, Mr. Bradshaw.
801
00:33:34,721 --> 00:33:35,813
I will.
802
00:33:35,972 --> 00:33:37,815
Hey, tell your mom I said hi. All right?
803
00:33:37,974 --> 00:33:39,101
Yeah.
804
00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:41,562
All right. See you guys!
805
00:33:52,989 --> 00:33:55,708
Hey, maybe you'll get along
even better with Roland.
806
00:33:56,117 --> 00:33:59,246
Aren't you bummed out
Terry Bradshaw's not our dad?
807
00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:01,130
How fucking cool would that be?
808
00:34:01,289 --> 00:34:02,290
KYLE: Listen...
809
00:34:02,457 --> 00:34:05,552
The universe is saying look 'em up.
810
00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:08,300
And the universe has a tendency to point you
811
00:34:08,380 --> 00:34:10,303
in the right direction if you listen to it.
812
00:34:17,138 --> 00:34:18,390
(KYLE SIGHS)
813
00:34:18,974 --> 00:34:20,897
PETER: I found a Roland Hunt
814
00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:24,734
investment banker in Beacon, New York.
815
00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:26,443
Two hours north of Manhattan.
816
00:34:26,606 --> 00:34:29,200
KYLE: All right, looks like
we're going to New York.
817
00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:06,188
Make it quick!
818
00:35:06,354 --> 00:35:07,947
I'm pulling out in 30 seconds.
819
00:35:08,231 --> 00:35:09,403
Time me.
820
00:35:09,983 --> 00:35:11,986
I want to get to Roland's office by noon.
821
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,239
12. 13. 14.
822
00:35:18,783 --> 00:35:21,002
- (URINATING)
- (EXHALES)
823
00:35:22,495 --> 00:35:23,667
MAN: Alex, stop it.
824
00:35:23,830 --> 00:35:25,582
Stop it, Alex. Get back here right now.
825
00:35:25,749 --> 00:35:27,672
No! It stinks!
826
00:35:27,834 --> 00:35:29,047
(KYLE LAUGHING)
827
00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:30,800
You got a jail break there.
828
00:35:30,962 --> 00:35:31,963
MAN: Sorry, man.
829
00:35:32,130 --> 00:35:35,100
I'd come out if I could.
Just let me know if he's bothering you.
830
00:35:35,258 --> 00:35:38,181
He's doing good.
I actually got a bun in the oven, too.
831
00:35:38,261 --> 00:35:39,388
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
832
00:35:39,471 --> 00:35:41,439
Whoa. I got a call. Alex, excuse me.
833
00:35:41,598 --> 00:35:42,816
Kapono, talk to me.
834
00:35:42,974 --> 00:35:45,272
(KAPONO CHATTERING ON PHONE)
835
00:35:45,352 --> 00:35:47,650
What? No, no, you're breaking up.
836
00:35:49,939 --> 00:35:52,192
They're going another way?
837
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,152
What does that mean?
838
00:35:54,361 --> 00:35:56,364
(URINE SLOSHING)
839
00:35:56,863 --> 00:35:58,957
Hey! Whoa, whoa! Hey! Whoa!
840
00:35:59,115 --> 00:36:00,242
I've got flip-flops on!
841
00:36:00,450 --> 00:36:02,703
- MAN: Is he peeing on you?
- Yeah, has he done this before?
842
00:36:02,869 --> 00:36:04,337
MAN: Unfortunately, yes. It's a real problem.
843
00:36:04,496 --> 00:36:06,419
Sir, this is crazy, but
you're going to have to pee on my kid.
844
00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:07,833
You want me to pee on your kid?
845
00:36:07,999 --> 00:36:09,842
MAN: Please, dad to dad.
He needs to learn consequences.
846
00:36:10,043 --> 00:36:11,215
I'm not going to...
847
00:36:11,378 --> 00:36:13,631
Do you hear that Alex? Is that what you want?
848
00:36:14,047 --> 00:36:15,299
Stop!
849
00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:17,225
There! Yeah.
850
00:36:18,134 --> 00:36:19,181
Chaos theory.
851
00:36:21,137 --> 00:36:22,184
He started it.
852
00:36:23,056 --> 00:36:25,775
I swear. This is justified.
853
00:36:29,938 --> 00:36:31,440
(WHISPERS) That kid had it coming.
854
00:36:46,121 --> 00:36:47,668
How much did Ethan cost?
855
00:36:48,915 --> 00:36:50,258
Well, we didn't buy him.
856
00:36:50,709 --> 00:36:52,803
To raise him. I know you guys didn't buy him.
857
00:36:53,628 --> 00:36:55,471
Um... Well...
858
00:36:56,089 --> 00:36:57,341
Four more years of private school,
859
00:36:57,507 --> 00:37:00,556
four years of college, tutors, summer camp.
860
00:37:01,803 --> 00:37:05,103
Every single Apple product
that ever comes out.
861
00:37:05,306 --> 00:37:08,276
Uh, all said and done,
we're probably pushing a mil.
862
00:37:08,435 --> 00:37:11,029
A million dollars?
863
00:37:11,271 --> 00:37:12,648
To raise a kid?
864
00:37:12,814 --> 00:37:14,691
What do you care? You're loaded.
865
00:37:15,191 --> 00:37:16,318
Besides...
866
00:37:16,693 --> 00:37:20,448
"Money's never wasted
on the ones you love." Right?
867
00:37:20,613 --> 00:37:25,210
No, I know. I was just worried
about you and Ethan.
868
00:37:26,244 --> 00:37:28,998
Good thing
Roland's a financial wizard, right?
869
00:37:29,414 --> 00:37:30,916
PETER: I thought we were going to his office.
870
00:37:30,999 --> 00:37:32,501
This is all residential.
871
00:37:32,667 --> 00:37:34,089
KYLE: Maybe he works from home.
872
00:37:34,252 --> 00:37:36,550
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Destination is on your right.
873
00:37:41,634 --> 00:37:44,638
(DOORBELL RINGING)
874
00:38:00,737 --> 00:38:01,738
Kyle, why are you copying me?
875
00:38:01,905 --> 00:38:03,123
- I just did that.
- I'm not copying you.
876
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:04,282
I did all of those things.
877
00:38:04,449 --> 00:38:06,326
You weren't touching this thing.
878
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:08,912
This is cold.
879
00:38:09,078 --> 00:38:10,170
So?
880
00:38:11,247 --> 00:38:14,342
I don't think anyone's been here for hours.
881
00:38:15,919 --> 00:38:17,011
Door knob tell you that?
882
00:38:17,170 --> 00:38:18,297
KYLE: These are painted shut.
883
00:38:18,463 --> 00:38:20,511
PETER: So, what? Kyle, where are you going?
884
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,433
Come on! Kyle.
885
00:38:22,592 --> 00:38:23,593
This is locked.
886
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,603
Of course it's locked. He's not home.
887
00:38:25,762 --> 00:38:27,139
Come on. What are you doing?
888
00:38:27,305 --> 00:38:28,432
You hear those vibrations?
889
00:38:28,598 --> 00:38:31,272
You're hearing vibrations?
'Cause I'm getting a weird vibe.
890
00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:34,404
Oh. Oh, God.
891
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:38,571
Looks like you picked
the wrong house, motherfuckers.
892
00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:39,905
Pete, don't do anything funny.
893
00:38:40,068 --> 00:38:41,160
Why would you put that in his head?
894
00:38:41,319 --> 00:38:42,320
KYLE: No karate.
895
00:38:42,487 --> 00:38:44,205
Fucking no karate.
896
00:38:44,364 --> 00:38:46,037
I haven't done karate in 30 years.
897
00:38:46,199 --> 00:38:47,667
He's got a gun. And that beats karate.
898
00:38:47,826 --> 00:38:48,918
Shut the fuck up.
899
00:38:51,663 --> 00:38:54,758
What the fuck kind of B&E guys
are you two assholes?
900
00:38:54,916 --> 00:38:56,043
We're not robbers.
901
00:38:56,209 --> 00:38:58,963
We're just looking for a guy
named Roland Hunt. That's it.
902
00:38:59,128 --> 00:39:00,550
What do you want with him?
903
00:39:00,713 --> 00:39:03,262
He dated our mom, Helen Baxter, in the '70s.
904
00:39:03,633 --> 00:39:05,351
Oh, shit!
905
00:39:06,386 --> 00:39:09,481
You guys are Lenny Baxter's kids?
906
00:39:10,139 --> 00:39:11,436
You called her Lenny?
907
00:39:11,599 --> 00:39:13,727
You're, uh, Roland Hunt?
908
00:39:13,893 --> 00:39:17,238
I can't believe I almost shot
one of Lenny Baxter's kids!
909
00:39:17,397 --> 00:39:18,444
That is hilarious.
910
00:39:18,606 --> 00:39:19,983
And gave this one a heart attack.
911
00:39:20,149 --> 00:39:21,867
Yeah. Almost took you both out.
912
00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:24,154
- Two for one.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
913
00:39:24,863 --> 00:39:27,161
I mean, I guess you probably don't think
it's that funny, but...
914
00:39:27,323 --> 00:39:29,246
Oh, fuck, yeah, I'm sorry about the gun.
915
00:39:29,409 --> 00:39:31,628
Listen, I only got this
because we got a lot of break-ins
916
00:39:31,786 --> 00:39:33,709
in the neighborhood. Got it for protection.
917
00:39:33,872 --> 00:39:35,294
Better safe than sorry.
918
00:39:35,456 --> 00:39:38,130
Honestly, I don't even like
holding the thing. Here, you take it.
919
00:39:38,293 --> 00:39:40,091
- No, no, no.
- Come on in the house, boys.
920
00:39:41,087 --> 00:39:42,805
KYLE: I thought you were gonna flip him.
921
00:39:42,964 --> 00:39:44,716
You're dangerous.
922
00:39:47,010 --> 00:39:49,308
Mom! We got company!
923
00:39:49,971 --> 00:39:51,393
Mom!
924
00:39:52,849 --> 00:39:54,192
Mom!
925
00:39:54,893 --> 00:39:55,980
Could that be Grandma?
926
00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:57,152
MRS. HUNT: Hello!
927
00:39:57,353 --> 00:39:58,400
KYLE: Hi!
928
00:39:58,563 --> 00:40:00,486
Roland! They got a fucking gun!
929
00:40:00,648 --> 00:40:02,901
- No.
- Don't hold it like that.
930
00:40:03,067 --> 00:40:04,194
Drop the fucking gun, motherfucker.
931
00:40:04,444 --> 00:40:07,664
Fuck! It's just the gun you handed me,
like, a minute ago.
932
00:40:07,822 --> 00:40:10,200
Oh, right. Yes. God damn it. So sorry. Shit!
933
00:40:10,450 --> 00:40:12,418
I don't know what's going on with me.
934
00:40:12,619 --> 00:40:14,587
It's tense with all the break-ins
in the neighborhood.
935
00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:16,248
I'm really sorry.
936
00:40:16,414 --> 00:40:19,042
Putting this down.
You should've seen your faces, though.
937
00:40:19,208 --> 00:40:20,801
You looked like you shit yourselves.
938
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,803
They looked scared as shit.
939
00:40:22,962 --> 00:40:24,635
- Right?
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
940
00:40:24,881 --> 00:40:26,178
Come on and say hi to Mom.
941
00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:28,301
You're holding it in such a threatening way.
942
00:40:28,468 --> 00:40:29,720
You can't do that.
943
00:40:29,886 --> 00:40:30,887
Hey, Mom, it's okay.
944
00:40:31,054 --> 00:40:33,182
These are Lenny Baxter's kids.
You remember Lenny?
945
00:40:33,348 --> 00:40:34,349
Oh, Lenny.
946
00:40:35,058 --> 00:40:36,810
What a sweet man!
947
00:40:37,018 --> 00:40:39,362
So, what are you doing here?
948
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,318
Is everything okay with your mom?
949
00:40:41,481 --> 00:40:43,074
Everything's good. We're on a quest.
950
00:40:43,232 --> 00:40:45,610
And I'll just cut right to the chase.
951
00:40:45,777 --> 00:40:48,030
Did you know Lenny
952
00:40:48,196 --> 00:40:51,621
between April and May of 1975?
953
00:40:51,908 --> 00:40:53,660
Know her, like, in a biblical sense.
954
00:40:53,743 --> 00:40:54,744
Sorry.
955
00:40:54,911 --> 00:40:56,129
No, she's heard it all.
956
00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:57,505
Okay.
957
00:40:57,956 --> 00:41:00,209
Yeah. '75, that sounds about right. Yeah.
958
00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:01,877
Why do you ask?
959
00:41:05,129 --> 00:41:06,927
We think we're your sons.
960
00:41:08,216 --> 00:41:09,809
Your boys.
961
00:41:09,968 --> 00:41:11,311
Me and Pete.
962
00:41:11,678 --> 00:41:13,351
You're our dad.
963
00:41:18,059 --> 00:41:19,561
(SIGHS)
964
00:41:22,105 --> 00:41:23,106
Hi.
965
00:41:28,486 --> 00:41:30,705
(ROLAND INHALES DEEPLY)
966
00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,293
(INHALES)
967
00:41:40,456 --> 00:41:42,459
(KYLE INHALES DEEPLY)
968
00:41:42,542 --> 00:41:44,966
(ROLAND SNIFFING)
969
00:41:52,093 --> 00:41:55,768
Will you just excuse me for a minute?
970
00:42:02,603 --> 00:42:04,526
That was one of the most powerful things
I've ever seen.
971
00:42:04,856 --> 00:42:07,234
He just inhaled us.
972
00:42:07,316 --> 00:42:08,317
Yeah.
973
00:42:08,401 --> 00:42:09,573
Did you smell him?
974
00:42:09,736 --> 00:42:10,949
- You smelled him?
- Yes!
975
00:42:11,029 --> 00:42:12,076
What did he smell like?
976
00:42:12,238 --> 00:42:14,241
He smelled like...
977
00:42:14,407 --> 00:42:15,784
- Home.
- Home?
978
00:42:15,950 --> 00:42:17,623
- ROLAND: Fuck this! No!
- (OBJECTS SHATTERING)
979
00:42:17,785 --> 00:42:21,039
There is no fucking way
those two jackasses are my kids!
980
00:42:21,205 --> 00:42:22,673
They don't even fucking look like me!
981
00:42:22,874 --> 00:42:25,423
MRS. HUNT: The one with the beard
has your beautiful eyes.
982
00:42:25,585 --> 00:42:26,757
ROLAND: Big fucking deal.
983
00:42:26,919 --> 00:42:29,468
Fuck 'em! They look like
a couple of total fucking dickheads!
984
00:42:29,630 --> 00:42:32,679
We are not descended from that.
985
00:42:33,342 --> 00:42:34,685
That's not our dad.
986
00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:41,025
Would you boys like anything to drink?
987
00:42:41,184 --> 00:42:43,812
I would love a Hinano beer.
988
00:42:43,978 --> 00:42:45,776
I'll see if we have one.
989
00:42:45,938 --> 00:42:47,156
It's an awesome Tahitian beer.
990
00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:49,067
She is so adorable.
991
00:42:49,233 --> 00:42:50,451
I'm out of here.
992
00:42:50,610 --> 00:42:52,283
If he is our father, I don't want to know.
993
00:42:52,445 --> 00:42:53,913
Come on, Pete.
994
00:42:54,072 --> 00:42:57,451
He's in shock, all right?
I'm getting good energy here.
995
00:42:57,617 --> 00:42:58,744
Based on what?
996
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:02,460
We are all out of Mojumbo.
997
00:43:02,622 --> 00:43:03,669
But...
998
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:08,132
Roland has something
that he'd like to say to you.
999
00:43:09,087 --> 00:43:10,259
(QUIETLY) I'm sorry.
1000
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:12,974
MRS. HUNT: I don't think they heard you.
1001
00:43:14,383 --> 00:43:17,307
(LOUDLY) I'm sorry!
1002
00:43:18,054 --> 00:43:19,397
Well, three times the charm.
1003
00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:22,684
Oh, this is just such a blessing.
1004
00:43:22,975 --> 00:43:25,148
I'm finally a grandma.
1005
00:43:26,437 --> 00:43:28,360
Well, I'm gonna go finish up.
1006
00:43:31,234 --> 00:43:32,907
Well, listen. It's a pleasure. Really.
1007
00:43:34,821 --> 00:43:37,245
Something I want to show you guys. Come here.
1008
00:43:38,157 --> 00:43:39,409
Go ahead, guys.
1009
00:43:39,575 --> 00:43:40,952
After you.
1010
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:43,838
(WHISPERS) Are you happy?
1011
00:43:44,205 --> 00:43:45,502
He's gonna kill us down here.
1012
00:43:45,665 --> 00:43:46,792
He's not going to kill us.
1013
00:43:46,958 --> 00:43:48,585
Yes, he is.
1014
00:43:48,751 --> 00:43:50,503
Is there a light down here?
1015
00:43:50,670 --> 00:43:53,469
ROLAND: No, that bulb's out.
You can use your phone, I guess.
1016
00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:54,758
KYLE: Did you bring the gun?
1017
00:43:54,924 --> 00:43:56,426
PETER: No, I did not bring the gun.
1018
00:43:56,592 --> 00:43:57,719
- KYLE: Damn it.
- PETER: I left it upstairs.
1019
00:43:57,885 --> 00:43:59,387
ROLAND: Take a left
at the bottom of the stairs.
1020
00:43:59,554 --> 00:44:01,056
PETER: Oh, my God.
1021
00:44:01,222 --> 00:44:02,440
Why are there mannequins?
1022
00:44:02,598 --> 00:44:04,225
KYLE: Pete, I'm scared.
1023
00:44:06,144 --> 00:44:07,942
PETER: How are the vibes now, Kyle?
1024
00:44:08,437 --> 00:44:09,564
KYLE: Not good.
1025
00:44:11,983 --> 00:44:14,361
There we go. Now...
1026
00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:17,614
I think this is it.
1027
00:44:18,322 --> 00:44:19,790
Pete, you want to do the honors?
1028
00:44:25,163 --> 00:44:26,209
(SCREAMS)
1029
00:44:26,289 --> 00:44:27,836
ROLAND: Oh, shit!
1030
00:44:29,458 --> 00:44:32,086
That is the wrong box.
1031
00:44:32,170 --> 00:44:33,297
Sorry.
1032
00:44:33,796 --> 00:44:35,298
Uh...
1033
00:44:35,715 --> 00:44:37,592
Gotta be this one.
1034
00:44:39,051 --> 00:44:40,178
Okay...
1035
00:44:40,595 --> 00:44:42,393
I'll do it for you.
1036
00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:44,352
No rodents.
1037
00:44:45,099 --> 00:44:46,442
Go ahead.
1038
00:44:49,312 --> 00:44:50,564
Is that Mom?
1039
00:44:51,105 --> 00:44:52,197
What?
1040
00:44:53,399 --> 00:44:54,526
Oh, my God.
1041
00:44:54,692 --> 00:44:56,410
Look at you guys.
1042
00:44:56,569 --> 00:44:58,242
You look incredible.
1043
00:44:58,738 --> 00:45:00,240
Yeah, she looks really happy.
1044
00:45:00,406 --> 00:45:02,283
She was
1045
00:45:03,159 --> 00:45:05,162
just an amazing woman.
1046
00:45:05,912 --> 00:45:07,084
Okay.
1047
00:45:07,914 --> 00:45:11,714
You don't have to tell us
what an amazing lay she was,
1048
00:45:11,876 --> 00:45:15,551
and how suckable her candied nipples are.
1049
00:45:15,713 --> 00:45:16,714
What the hell is the matter...
1050
00:45:16,881 --> 00:45:19,225
This is your mom we're talking about. Jesus.
1051
00:45:19,383 --> 00:45:21,226
Pete! That's not appropriate!
1052
00:45:21,385 --> 00:45:22,386
Sorry, Roland.
1053
00:45:22,553 --> 00:45:23,600
ROLAND: Whatever, anyway.
1054
00:45:23,930 --> 00:45:26,399
(SIGHS) My point being,
1055
00:45:27,183 --> 00:45:30,028
she's the only woman I ever truly loved.
1056
00:45:31,354 --> 00:45:32,355
Oh, man.
1057
00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:35,780
I think that's why I got a little, kind of,
1058
00:45:35,942 --> 00:45:40,368
bent out of shape upstairs there when
you guys dropped the bombshell on me.
1059
00:45:40,529 --> 00:45:43,248
Honestly, I was just kind of
1060
00:45:44,116 --> 00:45:46,790
regretting what might have been.
1061
00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:48,921
Hmm.
1062
00:45:49,247 --> 00:45:51,591
I mean, I'm not
exactly living the dream here.
1063
00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:53,426
PETER: Sometimes, um...
1064
00:45:56,087 --> 00:45:57,714
You just...
1065
00:45:58,464 --> 00:46:02,845
Sometimes you just find yourself
not where you want to be.
1066
00:46:05,638 --> 00:46:06,810
Yeah. I'm sorry.
1067
00:46:06,973 --> 00:46:08,475
Thanks, Pete.
1068
00:46:11,435 --> 00:46:13,563
Well, I got a work thing, guys.
I gotta go. Sorry.
1069
00:46:13,729 --> 00:46:16,357
What, you got like a little Wall Street
deal going on?
1070
00:46:16,524 --> 00:46:17,946
ROLAND: No. I'll tell you what I've learned.
1071
00:46:18,109 --> 00:46:20,328
You've got to diversify.
1072
00:46:20,486 --> 00:46:23,285
And I don't care if you're making
10 grand a year or 10 million.
1073
00:46:23,447 --> 00:46:25,165
You don't want it all coming from one place.
1074
00:46:25,324 --> 00:46:26,792
That's how guys get burned.
1075
00:46:26,951 --> 00:46:27,998
Really?
1076
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:30,709
PETER: Oh, yeah. Don't want
all your eggs in one basket.
1077
00:46:32,540 --> 00:46:33,758
Come on.
1078
00:46:35,751 --> 00:46:38,345
ROLAND: Lately, I've been doing
a lot of work with creditors.
1079
00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:41,303
Helping them to reacquire merchandise
1080
00:46:41,465 --> 00:46:44,344
when the debtor can no longer
afford the payments.
1081
00:46:44,510 --> 00:46:45,853
KYLE: Oh, like a repo man.
1082
00:46:46,012 --> 00:46:47,013
ROLAND: Yeah, exactly.
1083
00:46:47,179 --> 00:46:49,603
Of course now, I gotta call a
fucking cab just to do this job.
1084
00:46:49,765 --> 00:46:51,893
KYLE: We can give you a ride, right?
1085
00:46:52,059 --> 00:46:53,606
ROLAND: Oh, no,
I couldn't impose on you guys.
1086
00:46:53,769 --> 00:46:54,770
PETER: Oh, come on.
1087
00:46:54,937 --> 00:46:56,985
Besides, it can be dangerous, repo work.
1088
00:46:57,148 --> 00:46:58,991
You know, people don't like
having their stuff taken from them.
1089
00:46:59,150 --> 00:47:01,869
Hey, people don't like
having their anuses probed either,
1090
00:47:02,028 --> 00:47:05,203
but that's how I've made a living
the last 12 years.
1091
00:47:06,657 --> 00:47:08,159
As a doctor.
1092
00:47:08,784 --> 00:47:09,872
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
1093
00:47:09,952 --> 00:47:13,001
Come on. Let us help you.
1094
00:47:13,873 --> 00:47:15,375
So, what happens
1095
00:47:16,208 --> 00:47:18,302
if they show up while you're doing this?
1096
00:47:20,004 --> 00:47:22,257
Hope for the best,
prepare for the worst, you know?
1097
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:24,308
If he does show up,
1098
00:47:24,467 --> 00:47:26,936
you can expect to hear
some top-shelf bullshit.
1099
00:47:27,094 --> 00:47:28,095
Is that right?
1100
00:47:28,262 --> 00:47:31,061
"Repossessed?
I've never even missed a payment!
1101
00:47:31,223 --> 00:47:33,396
"Got to be a computer error."
1102
00:47:33,559 --> 00:47:35,402
That is classic bullshit.
1103
00:47:35,561 --> 00:47:37,154
ROLAND:
They're late on their child support...
1104
00:47:38,189 --> 00:47:39,777
They'll even deny they have kids.
1105
00:47:39,857 --> 00:47:40,904
PETER: What?
1106
00:47:41,067 --> 00:47:43,115
God! Just sick.
1107
00:47:43,611 --> 00:47:45,204
(ENGINE REVVING)
1108
00:47:45,654 --> 00:47:47,577
Got to love that sound, huh, Pete?
1109
00:47:48,199 --> 00:47:49,200
- There you go.
- Oh, wow.
1110
00:47:49,367 --> 00:47:50,994
Plus, there's only going to be room
for two of us, so who draws...
1111
00:47:51,077 --> 00:47:52,078
KYLE: Shotgun!
1112
00:47:52,161 --> 00:47:53,413
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.
1113
00:47:53,579 --> 00:47:56,754
No, no. No worries.
We're within our legal rights here.
1114
00:47:57,291 --> 00:47:58,918
Just doing our jobs.
1115
00:48:00,044 --> 00:48:01,341
What the fuck you doing to my property?
1116
00:48:01,504 --> 00:48:02,596
Your car's being repossessed.
1117
00:48:02,755 --> 00:48:05,634
I'd advise you to just stand back
and let us do our jobs.
1118
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:09,976
You're going to repossess my car?
I've never missed a single payment.
1119
00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:12,098
Guys, this has got to be
some kind of computer error.
1120
00:48:12,264 --> 00:48:13,857
Check your little computer things,
and you'll find out.
1121
00:48:14,016 --> 00:48:15,108
Two for two.
1122
00:48:15,351 --> 00:48:16,819
PETER: My God!
1123
00:48:17,186 --> 00:48:20,190
Word on the street is you even missed
your child support payments.
1124
00:48:20,272 --> 00:48:21,273
Come on, man.
1125
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:23,033
Hey, genius, I don't have any kids.
1126
00:48:23,192 --> 00:48:25,035
I'm sorry. Paying your bills...
1127
00:48:25,194 --> 00:48:27,071
Very basic adult responsibility.
1128
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:29,206
- Yup. Well said, Pete.
- Thank you.
1129
00:48:29,365 --> 00:48:30,912
This is insanity. I'm calling the police.
1130
00:48:31,075 --> 00:48:33,169
Well, feel free, but it is going to be
pretty embarrassing
1131
00:48:33,327 --> 00:48:34,954
when I show them the paperwork.
1132
00:48:35,704 --> 00:48:37,126
I left it in the car.
1133
00:48:37,289 --> 00:48:38,290
Kyle, can I have the keys?
1134
00:48:38,374 --> 00:48:39,670
And I'll run down there and get it.
1135
00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:40,796
PETER: Give him the keys.
1136
00:48:40,876 --> 00:48:44,881
Thank you. And make sure
they don't escape in the old Ferrari.
1137
00:48:45,047 --> 00:48:46,219
Make sure I don't steal my own car.
1138
00:48:46,382 --> 00:48:47,383
We got this. We got this.
1139
00:48:47,550 --> 00:48:48,847
- Yeah, Pete's got this.
- Deadbeat asshole.
1140
00:48:49,009 --> 00:48:50,181
Are you fucking kidding me?
1141
00:48:50,845 --> 00:48:53,564
Let me tell you something, McEnroe...
1142
00:48:53,848 --> 00:48:55,475
You're not too big to fail.
1143
00:48:55,641 --> 00:48:56,938
That's right.
1144
00:48:57,101 --> 00:48:58,353
You failed today.
1145
00:48:58,602 --> 00:49:00,525
Because we're taking your Ferrari.
1146
00:49:01,313 --> 00:49:03,691
You just double faulted.
1147
00:49:03,858 --> 00:49:06,657
And the bank broke your serve.
1148
00:49:07,486 --> 00:49:08,704
- You know what, buddy?
- What?
1149
00:49:08,863 --> 00:49:12,208
Life isn't about just accumulating stuff.
1150
00:49:12,366 --> 00:49:13,413
All right?
1151
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:17,039
The fast cars and the big house in Hawaii,
1152
00:49:17,204 --> 00:49:18,422
and the white clothes,
1153
00:49:18,581 --> 00:49:19,582
and the model girlfriend.
1154
00:49:19,748 --> 00:49:21,000
This is freaking New York!
1155
00:49:21,167 --> 00:49:23,010
This is my wife. Hello.
1156
00:49:23,169 --> 00:49:24,716
You think I'm a model?
1157
00:49:24,879 --> 00:49:27,348
Well, he doesn't think you're a model,
you're five-two.
1158
00:49:27,506 --> 00:49:28,633
Yeah, she's got a wedding ring.
1159
00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:30,426
I didn't see the wedding ring.
1160
00:49:30,593 --> 00:49:32,391
Oh, my God. You know what?
1161
00:49:32,553 --> 00:49:34,897
This ain't worth it.
Fine, you guys are right.
1162
00:49:35,055 --> 00:49:37,274
I'll just cut you a check.
Could we just end this, please?
1163
00:49:38,100 --> 00:49:39,647
Do me a favor, go get the check book.
1164
00:49:39,810 --> 00:49:41,153
It's in the closet.
My side of the bed, please?
1165
00:49:41,312 --> 00:49:42,313
- Okay.
- Thank you.
1166
00:49:42,813 --> 00:49:43,905
All good.
1167
00:49:44,398 --> 00:49:46,025
ROLAND: Yeah, it's me.
That Ferrari didn't work out.
1168
00:49:46,192 --> 00:49:49,662
You know anybody who can move a Chevy Malibu?
1169
00:49:49,820 --> 00:49:51,367
All right, call me back.
1170
00:49:56,243 --> 00:49:58,166
You gotta be kidding me.
1171
00:50:04,251 --> 00:50:05,798
Damn it, Lenny.
1172
00:50:06,837 --> 00:50:08,510
Where's Roland?
1173
00:50:08,839 --> 00:50:09,840
He's coming.
1174
00:50:10,007 --> 00:50:11,008
- WOMAN: Honey!
- MAN: Yeah?
1175
00:50:11,175 --> 00:50:12,267
I've got the check book.
1176
00:50:12,426 --> 00:50:13,894
- Great.
- (PETER AND KYLE YELP)
1177
00:50:15,054 --> 00:50:16,055
Come on, let's go!
1178
00:50:16,138 --> 00:50:17,139
Give me the gun. Don't point it at me!
1179
00:50:17,306 --> 00:50:18,558
- We're taking the Ferrari!
- Pete!
1180
00:50:18,807 --> 00:50:19,808
Do it for Dad!
1181
00:50:19,975 --> 00:50:21,021
Come on!
1182
00:50:21,101 --> 00:50:22,148
Babe, give me the gun!
1183
00:50:22,978 --> 00:50:24,651
- Shit!
- Go, go, go!
1184
00:50:25,606 --> 00:50:27,199
Let go of the fucking gun!
1185
00:50:27,358 --> 00:50:28,576
Stop!
1186
00:50:31,111 --> 00:50:32,158
Roland, we got it!
1187
00:50:32,321 --> 00:50:34,415
We got the car!
1188
00:50:34,865 --> 00:50:35,866
(GROANS)
1189
00:50:35,950 --> 00:50:37,042
Stop!
1190
00:50:38,953 --> 00:50:40,291
MAN: Oh, shit.
1191
00:50:40,371 --> 00:50:41,372
God!
1192
00:50:41,455 --> 00:50:42,501
What was that?
1193
00:50:42,581 --> 00:50:44,333
I think it was a person.
1194
00:50:45,417 --> 00:50:46,418
Roland!
1195
00:50:46,585 --> 00:50:47,757
Oh, my God, you killed Dad!
1196
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:49,047
- Roland!
- Dad!
1197
00:50:49,213 --> 00:50:50,590
Dial 911!
1198
00:50:54,134 --> 00:50:55,852
So, I guess Dad's a bad guy.
1199
00:50:56,011 --> 00:50:57,354
Oh, yeah.
1200
00:50:59,515 --> 00:51:01,893
I understand how Luke Skywalker felt now.
1201
00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:03,777
Yeah, seriously.
1202
00:51:04,645 --> 00:51:06,648
She's really beautiful.
1203
00:51:07,898 --> 00:51:10,117
KYLE: She looks great here.
1204
00:51:10,276 --> 00:51:11,277
Glowing.
1205
00:51:11,443 --> 00:51:13,537
Roland even looks good. Who's this...
1206
00:51:14,154 --> 00:51:17,283
This guy with the scratched out face?
1207
00:51:20,244 --> 00:51:21,245
Excuse me, doc.
1208
00:51:21,745 --> 00:51:23,497
Doc, any word?
1209
00:51:24,290 --> 00:51:27,169
Well, the good news
is that he's in a stable condition.
1210
00:51:27,334 --> 00:51:28,381
- Great!
- Okay. All right.
1211
00:51:28,544 --> 00:51:29,716
The bad news, however
1212
00:51:29,878 --> 00:51:31,721
is that his blood is AB positive.
1213
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:33,007
What? That doesn't sound...
1214
00:51:33,173 --> 00:51:34,265
No, no, it's just that
1215
00:51:34,425 --> 00:51:36,473
the blood you gave is O negative.
1216
00:51:36,635 --> 00:51:39,684
Negative? Mine is?
1217
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:42,316
It means that
1218
00:51:42,474 --> 00:51:44,397
he can't be our father.
1219
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:46,107
Genetically.
1220
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:49,148
DOCTOR: You can go in
and see him if you like.
1221
00:51:50,190 --> 00:51:51,317
Thank you.
1222
00:51:55,946 --> 00:51:59,495
You're awake. How you doing there, champ?
1223
00:51:59,575 --> 00:52:01,373
Mmm, feeling no pain.
1224
00:52:01,535 --> 00:52:02,536
Yeah.
1225
00:52:03,495 --> 00:52:05,372
Sorry we ran over you.
1226
00:52:05,539 --> 00:52:07,507
And sorry you're going to jail.
1227
00:52:08,208 --> 00:52:09,755
Be good to get off the hamster wheel.
1228
00:52:09,918 --> 00:52:10,919
KYLE: I hear ya.
1229
00:52:11,086 --> 00:52:12,429
PETER: Hey, Roland, let me ask you something.
1230
00:52:14,173 --> 00:52:15,891
When did you know
1231
00:52:16,634 --> 00:52:17,806
that we weren't yours?
1232
00:52:18,886 --> 00:52:20,013
I don't know,
1233
00:52:20,179 --> 00:52:22,022
like, two minutes ago when the doc told me.
1234
00:52:22,181 --> 00:52:23,228
PETER: Unbelievable.
1235
00:52:23,599 --> 00:52:24,691
So, as far as you knew,
1236
00:52:24,850 --> 00:52:29,606
you were intentionally duping
your own sons into committing a felony?
1237
00:52:30,022 --> 00:52:33,777
Yeah. So? Whatever.
Don't be such a fucking pussy about it.
1238
00:52:33,942 --> 00:52:37,572
My dad was an asshole, too.
He ran out, he was a crook.
1239
00:52:37,738 --> 00:52:39,160
Life sucks. Life is hard.
1240
00:52:39,323 --> 00:52:40,324
Get over it.
1241
00:52:40,491 --> 00:52:42,664
Life is hard, Pete.
1242
00:52:43,369 --> 00:52:45,793
Wait a minute. You know what?
1243
00:52:46,538 --> 00:52:49,838
Fuck! I should've known you guys
weren't mine.
1244
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:51,218
'75 you said, right?
1245
00:52:51,377 --> 00:52:52,673
Spring of '75?
1246
00:52:52,753 --> 00:52:53,845
Right.
1247
00:52:54,213 --> 00:52:56,682
I started dating Lenny in '74.
1248
00:52:56,840 --> 00:53:00,970
By the spring of '75,
I was doing my first stint in the joint.
1249
00:53:01,136 --> 00:53:02,979
I got busted dealing coke in this nightclub
1250
00:53:03,138 --> 00:53:07,393
by some fucking disco-permed,
roller-skating, motherfucking narc.
1251
00:53:07,476 --> 00:53:08,603
KYLE: Wait.
1252
00:53:10,854 --> 00:53:11,981
You mean this guy.
1253
00:53:12,147 --> 00:53:13,399
ROLAND: Yeah. That's the guy.
1254
00:53:13,565 --> 00:53:15,818
I don't know what pissed me off more,
he put me in jail,
1255
00:53:15,984 --> 00:53:19,488
or he started schtupping your mom
the second I was behind bars.
1256
00:53:19,655 --> 00:53:21,869
This guy was schtupping our mother?
1257
00:53:21,949 --> 00:53:23,701
Hey. (SIGHS)
1258
00:53:24,743 --> 00:53:27,497
That guy is your fucking dad.
1259
00:53:27,663 --> 00:53:30,337
I should've known.
You look like a couple of junior narcs.
1260
00:53:30,499 --> 00:53:31,876
Well, do you have a name?
1261
00:53:32,793 --> 00:53:34,261
Give me 1,000 bucks and I'll tell you.
1262
00:53:34,420 --> 00:53:35,967
Fuck you! Come on, Kyle.
1263
00:53:36,130 --> 00:53:37,757
Okay, nice meeting you.
1264
00:53:37,923 --> 00:53:39,095
Roland...
1265
00:53:43,345 --> 00:53:45,723
Would you take 400?
1266
00:53:45,931 --> 00:53:47,683
- Sparkly P?
- KYLE: Yup.
1267
00:53:47,850 --> 00:53:52,697
You just paid Roland
$1,000 for the name Sparkly P!
1268
00:53:52,855 --> 00:53:54,198
You got conned, Kyle!
1269
00:53:54,356 --> 00:53:56,905
I paid him 680 and I had 1,000.
1270
00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:59,570
I conned him. Yeah!
1271
00:53:59,737 --> 00:54:01,990
And now I think we're ready
to make a little inquiry
1272
00:54:02,156 --> 00:54:04,079
into this Sparkly P character.
1273
00:54:04,241 --> 00:54:06,710
Yeah? Where? The white pages? Huh?
1274
00:54:06,869 --> 00:54:08,837
The glitter store?
1275
00:54:08,996 --> 00:54:11,545
Do you realize how insane you sound?
1276
00:54:11,707 --> 00:54:13,675
We're going home!
1277
00:54:13,834 --> 00:54:15,086
KYLE: You're just gonna give up?
1278
00:54:15,252 --> 00:54:16,674
We almost got killed!
1279
00:54:16,837 --> 00:54:19,841
We? Roland almost got killed.
What are you talking about?
1280
00:54:20,007 --> 00:54:21,850
We just had one of the best adventures
of our lives.
1281
00:54:22,009 --> 00:54:23,010
No, we didn't.
1282
00:54:23,177 --> 00:54:26,602
What happened to Mr.
"I won't rest until we find our dad"?
1283
00:54:26,764 --> 00:54:28,858
The universe doesn't like quitters, Pete.
1284
00:54:29,016 --> 00:54:32,816
You know what? Fuck the universe!
The universe sucks!
1285
00:54:32,978 --> 00:54:34,901
- Don't say that.
- You realize this whole time...
1286
00:54:35,063 --> 00:54:39,364
It's been telling us it's time
to shut down Operation Who's Your Daddy?
1287
00:54:39,526 --> 00:54:41,244
That's a good name for it, Pete.
1288
00:54:41,403 --> 00:54:43,531
That's a good name for the quest!
1289
00:54:45,199 --> 00:54:48,920
But before we close the book on
Operation Who's Your Daddy,
1290
00:54:49,077 --> 00:54:50,295
let me say one thing, Pete...
1291
00:54:50,454 --> 00:54:53,128
It's too late. Kyle, book is closed.
1292
00:54:53,290 --> 00:54:54,337
- That's it?
- Yup. That's it.
1293
00:54:54,500 --> 00:54:56,503
- You don't want to hear it?
- No!
1294
00:54:56,668 --> 00:54:59,171
I got us on the 10:00 p.m. flight out of JFK.
1295
00:54:59,338 --> 00:55:00,681
That is what we're doing.
1296
00:55:02,132 --> 00:55:03,224
KYLE: Look at this poor guy.
1297
00:55:03,383 --> 00:55:05,511
No one will even give him the time of day.
1298
00:55:05,677 --> 00:55:07,975
Well, we're not stopping.
We're not picking up a hitchhiker.
1299
00:55:08,138 --> 00:55:09,936
What do you think is gonna happen?
1300
00:55:10,140 --> 00:55:13,485
You think he's gonna
just murder you, rob you, rape you?
1301
00:55:13,644 --> 00:55:14,896
Yeah. All three.
1302
00:55:15,062 --> 00:55:16,985
Okay, all of the above. Look at him.
1303
00:55:17,147 --> 00:55:18,444
I am looking at him.
1304
00:55:19,191 --> 00:55:20,659
You know somebody your whole life,
1305
00:55:21,318 --> 00:55:24,788
and then you wake up and you realize
you've been lying next to a racist.
1306
00:55:25,364 --> 00:55:28,459
What? It's not 'cause he's black.
It's 'cause he's a stranger,
1307
00:55:28,617 --> 00:55:32,497
and a hitchhiker and could very easily
be a serial killer.
1308
00:55:32,704 --> 00:55:35,924
There are no black serial killers, Pete.
1309
00:55:36,083 --> 00:55:37,175
That's a fact.
1310
00:55:37,334 --> 00:55:38,927
PETER: Just don't make eye contact, please?
1311
00:55:39,086 --> 00:55:40,804
Because then I'll have to pull over,
1312
00:55:40,963 --> 00:55:44,388
and it'll be awkward and we'll have to
give him a ride and all that.
1313
00:55:44,842 --> 00:55:47,061
You're looking in his direction.
1314
00:55:47,219 --> 00:55:48,220
I'm not looking.
1315
00:55:48,387 --> 00:55:49,388
PETER: You're totally turning your head.
1316
00:55:49,555 --> 00:55:50,556
My eyes are wandering.
1317
00:55:50,639 --> 00:55:51,640
PETER: I'm watching you.
1318
00:55:51,723 --> 00:55:52,770
Look this way.
1319
00:55:52,933 --> 00:55:54,856
- KYLE: Pete, I'm not looking.
- Look out the left.
1320
00:55:55,018 --> 00:55:57,271
- You're totally looking right at him.
- KYLE: My peripheral vision.
1321
00:55:58,730 --> 00:56:00,232
Oh, God damn it!
1322
00:56:00,399 --> 00:56:01,821
What? I didn't look at him!
1323
00:56:01,984 --> 00:56:04,032
- Ah, he got me.
- KYLE: What?
1324
00:56:04,987 --> 00:56:07,661
(SIGHS) I blew it. That one's on me.
1325
00:56:08,156 --> 00:56:09,328
- KYLE: You made eye contact?
- Yeah.
1326
00:56:09,491 --> 00:56:10,492
Shit.
1327
00:56:10,659 --> 00:56:13,253
We're still not picking him up
so let him down easy.
1328
00:56:13,453 --> 00:56:14,580
Hey, how you doing?
1329
00:56:14,746 --> 00:56:16,589
You stopped. Thank you.
1330
00:56:16,748 --> 00:56:18,375
Thank you. Thank you both.
1331
00:56:18,458 --> 00:56:19,505
Thank you so much.
1332
00:56:19,585 --> 00:56:20,712
Even if you don't give me a ride,
1333
00:56:21,044 --> 00:56:23,012
thank you just for stopping.
1334
00:56:23,171 --> 00:56:25,595
I was beginning to think
black was the new invisible out here.
1335
00:56:25,757 --> 00:56:27,600
You know what I mean?
The gesture means a lot.
1336
00:56:27,801 --> 00:56:28,802
Where are you headed?
1337
00:56:29,303 --> 00:56:30,850
North. Worcester, Mass.
1338
00:56:31,013 --> 00:56:33,141
Just trying to get to my kid's
birthday tomorrow.
1339
00:56:33,307 --> 00:56:35,230
We're really sorry. We're going south.
1340
00:56:35,392 --> 00:56:37,690
We're going to JFK, so...
1341
00:56:37,853 --> 00:56:38,854
How about this?
1342
00:56:39,021 --> 00:56:40,364
There's a train station...
1343
00:56:40,522 --> 00:56:42,274
Uh, it's like two miles south.
You take me there?
1344
00:56:42,441 --> 00:56:43,442
Now, I don't see why...
1345
00:56:43,609 --> 00:56:44,736
Are you fucking crazy?
1346
00:56:44,902 --> 00:56:46,905
I'm gonna have to ask you, uh...
1347
00:56:47,070 --> 00:56:48,413
We got a Nervous Nelly here.
1348
00:56:48,572 --> 00:56:51,121
So I know this is gonna sound
like a funny question,
1349
00:56:51,283 --> 00:56:53,035
but are you a serial killer?
1350
00:56:54,912 --> 00:56:55,959
No. No.
1351
00:56:56,121 --> 00:56:58,089
I get it. There's a lot of nuts out there.
1352
00:56:58,248 --> 00:57:00,296
I am a stranger, I am a hitchhiker...
1353
00:57:00,459 --> 00:57:01,506
KYLE: Satisfied?
1354
00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:05,468
...but I swear to you,
I am not a serial killer.
1355
00:57:05,589 --> 00:57:06,716
Hmm...
1356
00:57:06,798 --> 00:57:09,096
Well, did you notice how you emphasized
the word "serial"...
1357
00:57:09,259 --> 00:57:11,557
Which makes it sound like
1358
00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:15,020
you're a killer, just not a serial one.
(CHUCKLES)
1359
00:57:15,265 --> 00:57:16,517
Oh, man, okay.
1360
00:57:16,683 --> 00:57:19,812
Now that was totally unintentional.
I promise you that.
1361
00:57:19,978 --> 00:57:21,025
Didn't mean that.
1362
00:57:21,188 --> 00:57:23,111
But you're still not saying,
"I'm not a killer."
1363
00:57:23,273 --> 00:57:26,618
It seems like
that's what a non-killer would say.
1364
00:57:27,486 --> 00:57:29,739
I'm an idiot, man. Idiot!
1365
00:57:29,905 --> 00:57:33,034
I've been a non-killer too long
to not know the non-killer rules.
1366
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:34,793
- (LAUGHING)
- You know what I mean?
1367
00:57:34,952 --> 00:57:37,000
How about this? We'll give you a ride...
1368
00:57:37,162 --> 00:57:38,254
Are you fucking crazy?
1369
00:57:38,413 --> 00:57:39,414
KYLE: Let me finish, Pete.
1370
00:57:39,581 --> 00:57:41,800
We can give you a ride to the station,
1371
00:57:41,959 --> 00:57:44,713
but, and this is a pretty big but,
only if we can tie you up.
1372
00:57:44,878 --> 00:57:49,975
That way you can't rape
or kill or murder Mr. Paranoia here.
1373
00:57:59,559 --> 00:58:00,560
You okay?
1374
00:58:00,727 --> 00:58:01,854
Those aren't too tight, are they?
1375
00:58:02,020 --> 00:58:03,942
Almost kill you. Can't kill you.
1376
00:58:04,022 --> 00:58:05,274
(CHUCKLING)
1377
00:58:05,899 --> 00:58:07,117
KYLE: Don't even joke around
1378
00:58:07,275 --> 00:58:08,322
with our driver.
1379
00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:10,579
Sorry to interrupt. I'm still not
getting a phone signal here.
1380
00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:13,206
Are you sure
there's a train station this way?
1381
00:58:13,365 --> 00:58:15,709
100%. I grew up one town over.
1382
00:58:15,867 --> 00:58:18,211
I used to play ice hockey at the rink
across the street.
1383
00:58:18,370 --> 00:58:19,747
Just make a left up there.
1384
00:58:20,580 --> 00:58:22,378
PETER: I don't see street signs.
1385
00:58:23,875 --> 00:58:25,422
We are fucked.
1386
00:58:25,585 --> 00:58:26,803
Fucked!
1387
00:58:26,962 --> 00:58:27,963
We're gonna miss our flight.
1388
00:58:28,130 --> 00:58:29,473
- Take it easy, Pete.
- Do you realize that?
1389
00:58:29,631 --> 00:58:32,851
Okay, then we'll catch another one.
Okay? It's not a big deal.
1390
00:58:33,010 --> 00:58:37,015
Classic Kyle! Nothing's ever a big deal.
Must be nice.
1391
00:58:37,180 --> 00:58:40,901
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I am sensing
a very disturbing vibe here.
1392
00:58:41,059 --> 00:58:43,107
Pete, are you mad at your brother
about something?
1393
00:58:43,270 --> 00:58:46,069
Yes! I'm mad! And it's probably obvious.
1394
00:58:46,231 --> 00:58:49,406
There's like a rage
pulsing through his entire body.
1395
00:58:49,568 --> 00:58:51,491
Classic Pete right here.
1396
00:58:51,653 --> 00:58:53,906
Luckily, I'm sort of the Pete whisperer.
1397
00:58:54,072 --> 00:58:56,745
I always know how to calm this guy down.
1398
00:58:56,825 --> 00:58:57,996
- Ah...
- HITCHHIKER: Good.
1399
00:58:58,076 --> 00:59:02,752
Let me turn on a little music
and just lullaby you into just relaxing.
1400
00:59:02,914 --> 00:59:04,382
- PETER: Wow.
- KYLE: There.
1401
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:08,637
A, please don't patronize me
and B, no music, okay?
1402
00:59:08,795 --> 00:59:10,047
I just need to focus right now.
1403
00:59:10,213 --> 00:59:12,716
Well, I think music will help you guys relax.
1404
00:59:12,883 --> 00:59:14,010
- (SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
- Makes a great point.
1405
00:59:14,092 --> 00:59:15,810
You can't focus if you're too tense, Pete.
1406
00:59:15,969 --> 00:59:17,221
I just need it quiet, okay?
1407
00:59:17,971 --> 00:59:19,518
(MUSIC STOPS)
1408
00:59:20,474 --> 00:59:22,062
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- (MUSIC STOPS)
1409
00:59:22,142 --> 00:59:23,519
What are you, 10?
1410
00:59:23,685 --> 00:59:25,187
Can't you just listen to music?
1411
00:59:25,312 --> 00:59:26,483
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- (MUSIC STOPS)
1412
00:59:26,563 --> 00:59:28,031
No! I don't want to listen to music.
1413
00:59:28,148 --> 00:59:29,275
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- (MUSIC STOPS)
1414
00:59:30,484 --> 00:59:31,655
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1415
00:59:31,735 --> 00:59:33,362
(VOLUME INCREASES)
1416
00:59:33,820 --> 00:59:35,197
(TIRES SCREECH)
1417
00:59:35,614 --> 00:59:37,708
Enough with the fucking radio, Kyle!
1418
00:59:39,076 --> 00:59:40,578
(KEYS CLINKING)
1419
00:59:42,162 --> 00:59:44,631
Oh, that was brilliant.
Go get 'em, you idiot.
1420
00:59:44,790 --> 00:59:46,042
I'm not gonna go get 'em.
1421
00:59:46,208 --> 00:59:47,585
Untie me, I'll go get 'em.
1422
00:59:47,751 --> 00:59:51,551
We're not gonna get the keys until you
tell me what your problem is with me.
1423
00:59:51,713 --> 00:59:52,840
We're going to be here a while,
1424
00:59:53,006 --> 00:59:54,720
because I have a million problems with you.
1425
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:55,846
Like what?
1426
00:59:55,926 --> 00:59:57,223
Elaborate, Pete.
1427
00:59:57,385 --> 01:00:01,436
All you've ever done is rub
your amazing life in my face.
1428
01:00:01,807 --> 01:00:03,935
Your trophies and your friends,
1429
01:00:04,226 --> 01:00:06,775
and your black Amex and your sunsets.
1430
01:00:06,937 --> 01:00:08,905
Sorry for sending you sunsets.
1431
01:00:09,064 --> 01:00:10,407
I love sunsets.
1432
01:00:10,565 --> 01:00:12,909
Growing up was literally
like watching The Kyle Reynolds Show
1433
01:00:13,068 --> 01:00:14,445
24 hours a day.
1434
01:00:14,611 --> 01:00:15,738
Girls just liked you more.
1435
01:00:15,904 --> 01:00:17,827
Pete, I thought you liked hearing
about my hook-ups
1436
01:00:17,989 --> 01:00:20,538
the same way I liked hearing
about your hook-ups.
1437
01:00:20,700 --> 01:00:21,747
What hook-ups?
1438
01:00:21,827 --> 01:00:22,828
The girl you went out with in ninth grade.
1439
01:00:23,036 --> 01:00:25,334
Remember her,
with the glasses and the bad skin?
1440
01:00:25,497 --> 01:00:26,624
- Pamela Hartley.
- Yes!
1441
01:00:26,790 --> 01:00:28,508
Yeah, she only dated me to get to you.
1442
01:00:28,667 --> 01:00:30,294
And guess what?
The second her skin cleared up,
1443
01:00:30,377 --> 01:00:31,424
he banged her.
1444
01:00:31,586 --> 01:00:33,554
Not cool, Kyle. I'm Team Peter.
1445
01:00:33,713 --> 01:00:35,681
You even had the balls to come home
and brag about how you nailed her
1446
01:00:35,841 --> 01:00:37,013
in the back of a Papa John's.
1447
01:00:37,175 --> 01:00:39,974
That girl that I messed around with
at Papa John's didn't even wear glasses.
1448
01:00:40,137 --> 01:00:42,856
- Mistaken identity. Back on Team Kyle.
- PETER: Guess what?
1449
01:00:43,014 --> 01:00:46,143
Junior year, she got contacts and
her skin cleared up and you banged her
1450
01:00:46,309 --> 01:00:49,313
right after having
a sausage lover's pizza, apparently.
1451
01:00:49,479 --> 01:00:51,026
"This chick loves sausage, Pete."
1452
01:00:51,189 --> 01:00:52,236
I don't remember that.
1453
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:56,741
If I have to hear about your goddamn
barbeque sauce fortune one more time...
1454
01:00:56,903 --> 01:00:59,782
The picture on the bottles could be
literally anybody!
1455
01:00:59,948 --> 01:01:02,246
And you've lucked out your entire life.
1456
01:01:02,659 --> 01:01:05,128
The way you've lived,
you should be broke and homeless,
1457
01:01:05,287 --> 01:01:07,665
not chillaxing on a beach
1458
01:01:07,831 --> 01:01:10,209
with your perfect girlfriend
and your perfect house
1459
01:01:10,375 --> 01:01:11,922
and your soon-to-be perfect family!
1460
01:01:12,085 --> 01:01:13,132
Fuck you!
1461
01:01:13,461 --> 01:01:15,555
Stop blaming me for everything.
1462
01:01:15,714 --> 01:01:18,513
You know, just because
you think your life sucks. Okay?
1463
01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:21,599
Take some responsibility
for some of the decisions you made.
1464
01:01:21,761 --> 01:01:23,308
You decide to go ahead and marry
1465
01:01:23,471 --> 01:01:24,973
the first girl you ever mess around with,
1466
01:01:25,140 --> 01:01:27,268
and then, big shocker, it doesn't work out?
1467
01:01:27,601 --> 01:01:29,854
You decide to look at assholes for a living,
1468
01:01:30,020 --> 01:01:31,272
that's my fault?
1469
01:01:31,438 --> 01:01:34,112
Spent your whole life
trying to impress a dead guy.
1470
01:01:34,274 --> 01:01:36,902
It's not my fault. It's your fault.
1471
01:01:37,068 --> 01:01:38,536
In fact, maybe if you tried
1472
01:01:38,695 --> 01:01:42,199
to be like me a little bit more,
you wouldn't be such a miserable dick!
1473
01:01:42,365 --> 01:01:43,867
And your son wouldn't hate you!
1474
01:01:45,702 --> 01:01:48,581
(GROANS) God damn it.
1475
01:01:48,997 --> 01:01:52,172
(GROANS) God damn it! You broke my glasses.
1476
01:01:52,417 --> 01:01:53,464
Fuck!
1477
01:01:53,627 --> 01:01:54,970
Guys, use your words.
1478
01:01:55,128 --> 01:01:56,175
Fuck you, Kyle!
1479
01:01:56,588 --> 01:01:57,635
I hate conflict.
1480
01:01:57,797 --> 01:01:59,174
PETER: Fuck you!
1481
01:01:59,257 --> 01:02:00,304
Asshole!
1482
01:02:00,550 --> 01:02:04,396
Hey, guys, my Negro spider senses
is tingling.
1483
01:02:06,389 --> 01:02:09,484
- I think we may be on a choo-choo track.
- (BELL DINGING)
1484
01:02:09,684 --> 01:02:11,436
PETER: While you were lying on a beach
in Maui, I was home
1485
01:02:11,603 --> 01:02:12,821
taking care of Mom!
1486
01:02:12,979 --> 01:02:14,697
I don't like this.
1487
01:02:14,856 --> 01:02:16,779
Yup, that is definitely a choo-choo train.
1488
01:02:16,942 --> 01:02:18,194
Mom is an independent vibrant sexual woman!
1489
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:19,578
Okay.
1490
01:02:19,736 --> 01:02:21,613
KYLE: Stop taking care of people!
1491
01:02:22,072 --> 01:02:23,949
It's not the soul train, guys.
1492
01:02:24,115 --> 01:02:26,914
You want to stop fighting
and look out the window...
1493
01:02:27,118 --> 01:02:29,872
Motherfuckers, we're on
the motherfucking railroad tracks!
1494
01:02:30,038 --> 01:02:32,086
- There's a train coming!
- (TRAIN HONKING)
1495
01:02:32,207 --> 01:02:34,380
There is a train!
1496
01:02:34,709 --> 01:02:36,177
Get me off the tracks!
1497
01:02:36,336 --> 01:02:37,508
Train. Pete, get out!
1498
01:02:37,671 --> 01:02:39,014
Help! Now!
1499
01:02:40,423 --> 01:02:41,800
Get out!
1500
01:02:41,925 --> 01:02:42,971
(HONKING INTENSIFIES)
1501
01:02:43,051 --> 01:02:44,098
My seatbelt!
1502
01:02:50,517 --> 01:02:51,814
Kyle!
1503
01:03:00,902 --> 01:03:01,994
Kyle!
1504
01:03:04,364 --> 01:03:06,708
(SOBBING)
1505
01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:15,550
(CONTINUES SOBBING)
1506
01:03:26,219 --> 01:03:27,220
KYLE: Pete!
1507
01:03:29,597 --> 01:03:30,724
Pete!
1508
01:03:33,977 --> 01:03:35,195
PETER: Kyle!
1509
01:03:36,730 --> 01:03:38,107
Pete!
1510
01:03:39,566 --> 01:03:41,489
Kyle!
1511
01:03:41,985 --> 01:03:43,077
Pete!
1512
01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:46,949
Yes!
1513
01:03:55,290 --> 01:03:56,542
Yeah!
1514
01:04:23,860 --> 01:04:25,407
(PETER GROANS)
1515
01:04:29,991 --> 01:04:31,459
KYLE: No. They're literally
1516
01:04:31,618 --> 01:04:35,043
replacing me with a monkey
or a seal, some kind of animal.
1517
01:04:35,205 --> 01:04:37,299
Because apparently animals
don't get residuals.
1518
01:04:37,457 --> 01:04:40,131
A monkey can't do your job.
1519
01:04:42,837 --> 01:04:44,680
How much do you have left?
1520
01:04:44,839 --> 01:04:46,466
Not as much as I owe.
1521
01:04:47,175 --> 01:04:52,398
Yeah, I'll probably have a repo man
showing up at my house in a few weeks.
1522
01:04:52,555 --> 01:04:54,398
Take my Ferraris back.
1523
01:04:55,350 --> 01:04:57,102
Ferraris, plural?
1524
01:04:57,352 --> 01:04:58,979
Three. (LAUGHS)
1525
01:05:00,146 --> 01:05:02,695
You are incorrigible.
1526
01:05:03,817 --> 01:05:06,992
I'm just an idiot, Pete.
You said so yourself.
1527
01:05:07,445 --> 01:05:09,698
You're not an idiot, Kyle.
1528
01:05:09,864 --> 01:05:11,867
You're not, you're just...
1529
01:05:12,409 --> 01:05:13,455
KYLE: What?
1530
01:05:13,535 --> 01:05:15,412
You're overly optimistic.
1531
01:05:15,578 --> 01:05:16,579
That's all.
1532
01:05:16,746 --> 01:05:19,340
That's a nice way to put it.
1533
01:05:20,333 --> 01:05:21,334
Well, I don't know.
1534
01:05:21,501 --> 01:05:23,595
Who am I kidding?
1535
01:05:24,921 --> 01:05:26,048
I honestly started thinking
1536
01:05:26,214 --> 01:05:29,138
that Kaylani and our kid
would be better off without me.
1537
01:05:29,300 --> 01:05:31,553
Maybe I ought to just bail now.
1538
01:05:31,719 --> 01:05:34,894
For their sake because then, maybe, Kaylani
1539
01:05:35,140 --> 01:05:37,939
could tell the kid a cool story
the way Mom did.
1540
01:05:38,143 --> 01:05:42,899
"Yeah, your dad was base jumping
into a volcano,
1541
01:05:43,064 --> 01:05:44,782
"and the lava got him."
1542
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:48,404
Or I was a brilliant doctor, like you.
1543
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:53,910
You have the kindest heart of anyone
I have ever met.
1544
01:05:57,370 --> 01:06:00,465
A little while ago,
I thought I lost you forever,
1545
01:06:00,623 --> 01:06:04,969
and it was the worst feeling I've ever felt.
1546
01:06:06,713 --> 01:06:09,137
No one's better off without you, Kyle.
1547
01:06:10,258 --> 01:06:12,477
You're gonna be a great dad.
1548
01:06:12,969 --> 01:06:16,849
You know how you were always
asking Mom about Dad?
1549
01:06:18,475 --> 01:06:21,024
I wasn't that curious.
1550
01:06:21,895 --> 01:06:23,989
I think because I had you.
1551
01:06:24,647 --> 01:06:26,069
What?
1552
01:06:26,232 --> 01:06:29,031
Yeah, I had a lot of friends and girlfriends
1553
01:06:29,194 --> 01:06:32,243
and people that love me
because I'm, kind of, you know,
1554
01:06:32,405 --> 01:06:34,282
bon vivant, a raconteur,
1555
01:06:34,449 --> 01:06:36,543
or whatever you want to say.
1556
01:06:36,701 --> 01:06:38,829
But you never
thought I was any of those things.
1557
01:06:39,537 --> 01:06:41,505
But you were still there.
1558
01:06:41,664 --> 01:06:42,756
Getting on me.
1559
01:06:42,916 --> 01:06:45,419
"Hey! Don't jump off the roof into the pool.
1560
01:06:45,585 --> 01:06:47,007
"You'll break your neck.
1561
01:06:47,170 --> 01:06:49,423
"Here, let me show you how to tie your tie."
1562
01:06:50,590 --> 01:06:52,433
Always kind of thought
1563
01:06:52,592 --> 01:06:54,970
that was the type of stuff
our dad would've been saying.
1564
01:06:58,306 --> 01:07:00,274
I'm sorry about your glasses.
1565
01:07:00,433 --> 01:07:01,480
Don't be.
1566
01:07:01,643 --> 01:07:02,895
I don't need them.
1567
01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:04,612
What do you mean?
1568
01:07:04,771 --> 01:07:07,115
I don't need glasses.
1569
01:07:07,398 --> 01:07:09,321
I have 20/20 vision.
1570
01:07:10,109 --> 01:07:11,236
What?
1571
01:07:11,402 --> 01:07:14,372
Yeah, I just had this image
of who I thought I should be,
1572
01:07:14,572 --> 01:07:17,200
and glasses fit the bill.
1573
01:07:17,367 --> 01:07:18,585
There you go.
1574
01:07:18,743 --> 01:07:20,666
That's why you're brilliant.
1575
01:07:21,746 --> 01:07:24,249
Why did I wear glasses for 20 years?
1576
01:07:24,415 --> 01:07:26,418
KYLE: Because you're an idiot.
1577
01:07:26,584 --> 01:07:28,211
I'm a fucking idiot.
1578
01:07:28,378 --> 01:07:30,722
I'm a big dumb idiot.
1579
01:07:31,047 --> 01:07:32,924
Boom! A train.
1580
01:07:33,841 --> 01:07:35,639
"Oh, my God! I'm still alive!"
1581
01:07:35,802 --> 01:07:38,351
And that's basically how it all went.
1582
01:07:38,513 --> 01:07:41,141
It's crazy. This is one night
we're talking about.
1583
01:07:41,224 --> 01:07:43,352
Yeah.
1584
01:07:43,434 --> 01:07:44,902
I guess we missed our flight.
1585
01:07:45,061 --> 01:07:47,234
You want to check
and see when the next one is?
1586
01:07:47,397 --> 01:07:48,444
Nope.
1587
01:07:50,608 --> 01:07:52,030
I feel
1588
01:07:52,193 --> 01:07:57,700
very confident that the universe
is telling us to proceed
1589
01:07:57,907 --> 01:07:59,580
with Operation Who's Your Daddy.
1590
01:07:59,742 --> 01:08:01,244
Are you messing with me?
1591
01:08:01,411 --> 01:08:04,005
We started this goddamn mission
to find our father together,
1592
01:08:04,163 --> 01:08:07,292
and we are gonna finish it together.
Come hell or high water.
1593
01:08:07,458 --> 01:08:09,552
God damn it, that's the spirit!
1594
01:08:11,588 --> 01:08:12,885
Let's do this!
1595
01:08:13,673 --> 01:08:14,720
PETER: We're going in!
1596
01:08:14,882 --> 01:08:15,929
KYLE: We're going in!
1597
01:08:16,092 --> 01:08:18,060
PETER: This is happening!
1598
01:08:18,845 --> 01:08:22,099
PETER: Thank you for driving all the way
out here with the new rental.
1599
01:08:22,265 --> 01:08:23,517
Appreciate it.
1600
01:08:23,683 --> 01:08:25,731
OFFICER 1: Okay, guys,
I think these might be yours?
1601
01:08:25,893 --> 01:08:27,357
Yes, sir. Thank you.
1602
01:08:27,437 --> 01:08:28,438
All right.
1603
01:08:28,521 --> 01:08:30,444
That's gonna be
one big fucking insurance mess.
1604
01:08:30,607 --> 01:08:32,655
But, uh, we got everything we need,
1605
01:08:32,817 --> 01:08:33,944
so you're free to go.
1606
01:08:34,110 --> 01:08:35,282
Thanks a lot, officers.
1607
01:08:35,445 --> 01:08:36,446
It's no problem.
1608
01:08:36,613 --> 01:08:37,956
Really appreciate it.
1609
01:08:38,781 --> 01:08:41,455
What now? How do we find Sparkly P?
1610
01:08:41,618 --> 01:08:43,086
- Leg work.
- Yes.
1611
01:08:43,369 --> 01:08:45,963
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you, uh, just say "Sparkly P"?
1612
01:08:46,831 --> 01:08:47,958
Yeah.
1613
01:08:48,124 --> 01:08:49,876
- The police officer...
- From the '70s?
1614
01:08:49,959 --> 01:08:51,086
Yeah.
1615
01:08:51,169 --> 01:08:52,215
You've heard of him?
1616
01:08:52,295 --> 01:08:53,422
Are you kidding me?
1617
01:08:53,588 --> 01:08:55,431
There's not a cop in the whole state
who hasn't.
1618
01:08:55,590 --> 01:08:56,591
OFFICER 2: Yeah.
1619
01:08:56,758 --> 01:08:59,637
Patrick O'Callaghan, AKA Sparkly P.
1620
01:09:00,386 --> 01:09:02,514
Had one of the biggest coke busts in history.
1621
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:05,058
We spent like two weeks
studying him back in the academy.
1622
01:09:05,224 --> 01:09:06,442
The guy's a legend.
1623
01:09:06,601 --> 01:09:09,355
Holy shit, Pete. We could be Irish.
1624
01:09:09,520 --> 01:09:10,738
Yes!
1625
01:09:10,897 --> 01:09:13,275
I'm Irish, too, on my sister's side.
1626
01:09:13,441 --> 01:09:14,988
You know where to find him?
1627
01:09:18,404 --> 01:09:21,579
So, I just talked to my buddy in the force,
1628
01:09:21,741 --> 01:09:25,541
and apparently Mr. Patrick O'Callaghan
1629
01:09:25,703 --> 01:09:28,957
retired the NYPD back in '86.
1630
01:09:29,123 --> 01:09:31,501
This right here is his last known address.
1631
01:09:31,668 --> 01:09:32,760
If anyone comes asking,
1632
01:09:32,919 --> 01:09:34,216
I didn't tell you shit.
1633
01:09:34,671 --> 01:09:36,594
I'm trusting you with this.
1634
01:09:37,340 --> 01:09:39,138
Don't fuck me.
1635
01:09:39,717 --> 01:09:41,594
Not gonna fuck you.
1636
01:09:48,518 --> 01:09:49,645
What?
1637
01:09:52,313 --> 01:09:53,440
What?
1638
01:09:53,606 --> 01:09:55,358
- Guess where he lives?
- Where?
1639
01:09:55,525 --> 01:09:56,902
You're not gonna believe this.
1640
01:09:57,276 --> 01:09:58,994
Worcester, Mass.
1641
01:10:00,029 --> 01:10:02,578
Worcester, Mass! You've been leading us
there the whole time!
1642
01:10:05,326 --> 01:10:08,546
KYLE: It's the universe, Pete.
The universe is magic!
1643
01:10:08,705 --> 01:10:10,628
HITCHHIKER: I'm magic. I'm a magic man.
1644
01:10:10,790 --> 01:10:14,545
PETER: All right. Okay.
I guess we're all going home.
1645
01:10:16,921 --> 01:10:18,173
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
1646
01:10:21,968 --> 01:10:23,186
Well,
1647
01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:27,352
thanks for letting me keep a little souvenir.
1648
01:10:27,515 --> 01:10:28,642
Sure.
1649
01:10:29,016 --> 01:10:31,610
This has been magnificent. Thank you, guys.
1650
01:10:31,769 --> 01:10:33,612
I appreciate your assistance.
1651
01:10:33,771 --> 01:10:35,614
Have a good night.
1652
01:10:36,733 --> 01:10:37,780
KYLE: Hey!
1653
01:10:38,568 --> 01:10:39,569
Yeah?
1654
01:10:39,736 --> 01:10:41,238
We don't even know your name.
1655
01:10:41,404 --> 01:10:42,576
Oh, Kyle...
1656
01:10:43,239 --> 01:10:45,958
You've known it the whole time.
1657
01:10:47,744 --> 01:10:49,587
That's beautiful.
1658
01:10:49,746 --> 01:10:51,043
I think he's messing with us.
1659
01:10:51,205 --> 01:10:52,297
No, he's not.
1660
01:10:52,457 --> 01:10:54,300
- Yeah.
- No.
1661
01:10:54,417 --> 01:10:55,885
He was messing with us.
1662
01:11:14,187 --> 01:11:17,782
- Ding!
- May we get a room?
1663
01:11:17,940 --> 01:11:20,864
Your cheapest room, please.
1664
01:11:21,027 --> 01:11:23,781
(QUIETLY) Well, every room in here
is cheap, so...
1665
01:11:25,865 --> 01:11:26,992
Sorry?
1666
01:11:27,158 --> 01:11:29,161
(QUIETLY) Every room in here is really cheap.
1667
01:11:32,079 --> 01:11:34,047
Okay. Here you go.
1668
01:11:35,249 --> 01:11:37,172
We're gonna nab one from ya.
1669
01:11:37,335 --> 01:11:41,181
- (QUIETLY) So, just the one room?
- Mmm-hmm.
1670
01:11:42,465 --> 01:11:43,466
One night?
1671
01:11:43,841 --> 01:11:45,013
Yeah.
1672
01:11:45,551 --> 01:11:46,552
Two beds.
1673
01:11:48,763 --> 01:11:50,231
Oh, um...
1674
01:11:51,265 --> 01:11:54,269
Can we still get food and drinks at the bar?
1675
01:11:54,435 --> 01:11:58,690
(QUIETLY) Right back there behind you.
Food for about another...
1676
01:11:58,856 --> 01:12:01,985
Ten minutes, and drinks till 2:00.
1677
01:12:02,944 --> 01:12:04,116
Till, sorry?
1678
01:12:04,278 --> 01:12:05,279
Till 2:00.
1679
01:12:06,197 --> 01:12:09,417
You're going to have to speak up,
Biz Markie, 'cause I can't hear you.
1680
01:12:09,867 --> 01:12:12,666
(QUIETLY) For 10 more minutes,
and drinks until 2:00.
1681
01:12:17,875 --> 01:12:19,172
Okay?
1682
01:12:22,046 --> 01:12:23,844
Hey, do you remember
1683
01:12:24,715 --> 01:12:27,013
when Mom tried to teach us about sex?
1684
01:12:27,176 --> 01:12:29,304
(LAUGHING) Yeah.
1685
01:12:29,470 --> 01:12:32,645
You had already Papa John'd
half the girls at school at that point.
1686
01:12:33,474 --> 01:12:35,192
Turns out, we probably
should have listened to her.
1687
01:12:35,351 --> 01:12:36,352
Amen.
1688
01:12:36,519 --> 01:12:40,695
It's like we passed up basketball tips
from Michael Jordan, as it turns out.
1689
01:12:40,857 --> 01:12:42,234
(LAUGHING) We really did.
1690
01:12:42,483 --> 01:12:44,656
(LAUGHING)
1691
01:12:44,902 --> 01:12:47,496
I'm gonna hit the head. Excuse me.
1692
01:13:12,221 --> 01:13:13,973
Hi, excuse me. I couldn't help but notice
1693
01:13:14,348 --> 01:13:16,100
that, uh, you're
1694
01:13:16,267 --> 01:13:17,314
crying.
1695
01:13:17,476 --> 01:13:20,525
No. I'm fine.
1696
01:13:20,688 --> 01:13:23,692
I often have that effect on women.
Just not usually this fast.
1697
01:13:24,358 --> 01:13:25,610
Sorry. I'll leave you alone.
1698
01:13:25,776 --> 01:13:27,824
No. You know what, please don't.
1699
01:13:27,987 --> 01:13:29,239
Just sit.
1700
01:13:29,739 --> 01:13:30,740
Buy me a drink.
1701
01:13:33,451 --> 01:13:34,578
All right.
1702
01:13:35,036 --> 01:13:36,037
Another...
1703
01:13:36,537 --> 01:13:37,538
Uh, scotch on the rocks.
1704
01:13:37,705 --> 01:13:38,706
Oh, nice.
1705
01:13:38,873 --> 01:13:40,170
Make that two.
1706
01:13:43,794 --> 01:13:45,296
Thank you.
1707
01:13:48,716 --> 01:13:49,717
So...
1708
01:13:50,927 --> 01:13:52,099
Want to talk about it?
1709
01:13:53,846 --> 01:13:54,847
No.
1710
01:13:58,059 --> 01:13:59,481
No sob stories.
1711
01:14:02,188 --> 01:14:03,485
I like that rule.
1712
01:14:03,648 --> 01:14:05,571
Cheers.
1713
01:14:05,733 --> 01:14:06,734
No sob stories.
1714
01:14:06,901 --> 01:14:07,993
All right.
1715
01:14:09,403 --> 01:14:12,282
WOMAN: Do you want to talk about that?
1716
01:14:12,865 --> 01:14:14,367
- This?
- Mmm-hmm.
1717
01:14:16,035 --> 01:14:17,662
Uh... Well...
1718
01:14:20,539 --> 01:14:21,916
I can't.
1719
01:14:22,291 --> 01:14:23,543
Why?
1720
01:14:25,169 --> 01:14:27,046
Because I'm a secret agent.
1721
01:14:28,839 --> 01:14:31,342
I don't think
you were supposed to tell me that part.
1722
01:14:32,218 --> 01:14:33,764
- Well...
- (LAUGHS)
1723
01:14:33,844 --> 01:14:36,347
Why don't you let me worry about
1724
01:14:36,514 --> 01:14:39,563
how secret agent-ing works...
1725
01:14:40,059 --> 01:14:42,437
- Seeing as how I am the secret agent.
- WOMAN: You're right.
1726
01:14:42,979 --> 01:14:44,481
You should see the other guy.
1727
01:14:44,647 --> 01:14:45,648
Sorry to interrupt, Peter.
1728
01:14:45,815 --> 01:14:48,193
I just got an urgent call from
the client. I'm gonna have to go in.
1729
01:14:48,359 --> 01:14:53,035
Apparently old Gary Peterson really
shat the bed on the LBJ proposal.
1730
01:14:53,197 --> 01:14:54,198
Guy's just useless.
1731
01:14:55,199 --> 01:14:57,668
He's been screwing up since the beginning.
1732
01:14:57,827 --> 01:14:59,955
Anyway, I'm gonna go into the office,
I'm probably going to spend the night,
1733
01:15:00,121 --> 01:15:01,122
and I will see you tomorrow, okay?
1734
01:15:01,288 --> 01:15:02,289
Are you sure?
1735
01:15:02,456 --> 01:15:03,799
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
1736
01:15:05,459 --> 01:15:06,836
All right.
1737
01:15:08,546 --> 01:15:10,139
Was that the other guy?
1738
01:15:10,297 --> 01:15:11,515
He looks like shit.
1739
01:15:12,049 --> 01:15:13,926
That guy's actually my partner.
1740
01:15:14,218 --> 01:15:15,811
He's another secret agent.
1741
01:15:15,970 --> 01:15:18,018
See, you keep saying "secret",
1742
01:15:18,180 --> 01:15:20,524
but then you keep telling me about it.
1743
01:15:20,683 --> 01:15:23,232
I am failing at this job.
1744
01:15:23,394 --> 01:15:25,067
I will tell you this.
1745
01:15:25,229 --> 01:15:26,947
I'm also a secret agent.
1746
01:15:27,106 --> 01:15:28,324
No!
1747
01:15:28,691 --> 01:15:29,904
Sent here to kill you.
1748
01:15:29,984 --> 01:15:30,985
What?
1749
01:15:31,068 --> 01:15:33,162
That drink, it's poison.
1750
01:15:33,320 --> 01:15:34,697
Wait, what?
1751
01:15:34,864 --> 01:15:35,865
Sorry.
1752
01:15:36,323 --> 01:15:38,166
You surreptitiously poisoned me?
1753
01:15:38,325 --> 01:15:39,998
Surreptitiously.
1754
01:15:40,161 --> 01:15:43,711
You're so good. I had no idea this is poison.
1755
01:15:45,750 --> 01:15:48,754
Yeah! That's, like, almost all poison.
1756
01:15:48,961 --> 01:15:50,429
No, taste mine. You'll taste the difference.
1757
01:15:50,588 --> 01:15:52,056
- Little bit.
- Yeah.
1758
01:15:52,465 --> 01:15:54,058
BOTH: Mmm.
1759
01:15:54,592 --> 01:15:55,889
- Poison.
- There is a little difference, yeah.
1760
01:15:56,052 --> 01:15:57,395
- Yeah.
- I do taste that.
1761
01:15:57,553 --> 01:16:01,148
So, I'm sorry to tell you,
but two hours left to live.
1762
01:16:02,349 --> 01:16:05,478
Well, guess I'd better
make these two hours count.
1763
01:16:05,644 --> 01:16:06,645
Yeah, you better.
1764
01:16:06,812 --> 01:16:07,813
Yeah.
1765
01:16:08,272 --> 01:16:10,024
My name is Sarah.
1766
01:16:10,191 --> 01:16:12,819
Code name, Babydoll.
1767
01:16:14,070 --> 01:16:16,073
Well, Sarah, my name's Peter.
1768
01:16:16,238 --> 01:16:18,115
Code name...
1769
01:16:20,576 --> 01:16:22,499
Pinky Pants.
1770
01:16:22,661 --> 01:16:23,662
I've heard about you.
1771
01:16:23,829 --> 01:16:25,206
Yeah, I'm legendary.
1772
01:16:25,372 --> 01:16:26,590
Well,
1773
01:16:27,041 --> 01:16:29,089
here's to your last two hours.
1774
01:16:35,591 --> 01:16:38,845
Hi. Hey! Can you see me?
1775
01:16:39,178 --> 01:16:40,555
- Aloha.
- Aloha.
1776
01:16:41,597 --> 01:16:44,442
- Are you ready for naked FaceTime?
- Yeah.
1777
01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:45,897
I'm wearing your favorite bra.
1778
01:16:46,060 --> 01:16:47,312
Oh, my gosh.
1779
01:16:47,478 --> 01:16:49,572
Wait, why aren't you naked?
1780
01:16:49,855 --> 01:16:52,324
- Um...
- Where are you?
1781
01:16:52,483 --> 01:16:54,326
I'm actually in the car.
I'm just kind of settling in.
1782
01:16:54,485 --> 01:16:58,034
I'm trying to give Pete a little privacy
because he met a girl.
1783
01:16:58,114 --> 01:16:59,991
- (KNOCKING)
- Oh.
1784
01:17:01,283 --> 01:17:02,284
Hey.
1785
01:17:03,953 --> 01:17:05,876
Got some room service out here.
1786
01:17:06,038 --> 01:17:08,757
Yeah, bet you don't deliver out
to the parking lot too much,
1787
01:17:08,916 --> 01:17:11,670
but I'm just trying to give my brother
some privacy.
1788
01:17:11,836 --> 01:17:14,590
Here, wave to Kaylani.
That's the room service guy.
1789
01:17:14,755 --> 01:17:15,927
Hi, room service dude.
1790
01:17:16,090 --> 01:17:17,137
Thank you.
1791
01:17:18,425 --> 01:17:19,552
Okay.
1792
01:17:20,344 --> 01:17:22,142
I might get some breakfast later.
1793
01:17:22,304 --> 01:17:23,681
No problem.
1794
01:17:26,350 --> 01:17:27,647
KAYLANI: How's your trip been?
1795
01:17:33,107 --> 01:17:34,484
Hey, honey,
1796
01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:35,947
there's something I need to tell you.
1797
01:17:36,110 --> 01:17:37,157
KAYLANI: Is everything okay?
1798
01:17:37,319 --> 01:17:39,492
No, everything's going great with the trip.
1799
01:17:39,572 --> 01:17:42,371
It's kind of a recent setback.
1800
01:17:43,993 --> 01:17:45,211
What's up?
1801
01:17:45,578 --> 01:17:48,423
I think it's gonna be good, actually.
1802
01:17:58,549 --> 01:18:00,927
There's so many buttons. Help.
1803
01:18:01,010 --> 01:18:02,353
I'll help and go from the bottom.
1804
01:18:02,511 --> 01:18:03,763
Here we go.
1805
01:18:04,138 --> 01:18:06,311
Oh, God. That's really slowing me down.
1806
01:18:15,774 --> 01:18:17,196
Oh, my God. You have buttons.
1807
01:18:18,068 --> 01:18:20,537
Listen, there's something you should know.
1808
01:18:20,863 --> 01:18:22,740
- (SIGHS)
- What?
1809
01:18:22,907 --> 01:18:24,125
I don't manscape.
1810
01:18:24,617 --> 01:18:26,335
Well, what are we working with?
1811
01:18:26,493 --> 01:18:28,120
Well, here you go.
1812
01:18:28,287 --> 01:18:29,459
Oh, no.
1813
01:18:31,916 --> 01:18:33,043
It is what it is.
1814
01:18:33,709 --> 01:18:34,836
Works for me.
1815
01:18:35,711 --> 01:18:37,634
(BOTH MOANING)
1816
01:18:51,518 --> 01:18:52,815
Ahoy!
1817
01:19:00,152 --> 01:19:02,701
Good morning.
1818
01:19:02,863 --> 01:19:04,410
Yes. Yes.
1819
01:19:04,573 --> 01:19:07,327
Any news to report?
1820
01:19:07,868 --> 01:19:09,541
Um...
1821
01:19:10,704 --> 01:19:12,502
(CHUCKLING)
1822
01:19:13,749 --> 01:19:15,717
You are incorrigible.
1823
01:19:15,876 --> 01:19:16,922
Where is she?
1824
01:19:17,002 --> 01:19:20,347
I don't know actually.
I woke up and she was gone.
1825
01:19:20,506 --> 01:19:24,181
You experienced a pure one-night stand.
1826
01:19:24,343 --> 01:19:25,561
Do you know how rare that is?
1827
01:19:25,719 --> 01:19:28,222
You were visited by an angel last night.
Plain and simple.
1828
01:19:28,597 --> 01:19:31,396
Well, she did, she did leave a note.
1829
01:19:33,435 --> 01:19:36,814
"Thanks for a really fun night. I needed it."
1830
01:19:38,399 --> 01:19:40,151
"I needed it!"
1831
01:19:40,317 --> 01:19:42,661
Guess who gave it to her? This guy!
1832
01:19:45,322 --> 01:19:47,950
KYLE: I just like seeing you giddy.
1833
01:19:48,117 --> 01:19:49,835
You're just gleeful.
1834
01:19:49,994 --> 01:19:52,668
This is the Pete I've been trying to get.
1835
01:19:52,830 --> 01:19:54,002
Come on, Worcester!
1836
01:19:54,164 --> 01:19:55,416
Come on.
1837
01:19:59,003 --> 01:20:00,221
Okay.
1838
01:20:00,379 --> 01:20:01,801
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You have arrived at your destination.
1839
01:20:01,964 --> 01:20:03,386
KYLE: This is it.
1840
01:20:06,760 --> 01:20:08,979
Sparkly P likes to party.
1841
01:20:09,138 --> 01:20:11,607
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
1842
01:20:12,808 --> 01:20:15,857
(EXHALING DEEPLY)
1843
01:20:16,729 --> 01:20:18,402
Breathe.
1844
01:20:20,357 --> 01:20:22,200
What is going on?
1845
01:20:22,359 --> 01:20:25,989
LIAM: Dad gets Clemens to come and pitch
batting practice for us at the park.
1846
01:20:26,155 --> 01:20:29,250
Fucker beaned me, like, twice
but still greatest day of my life.
1847
01:20:29,408 --> 01:20:30,785
Hey, fellas. Welcome.
1848
01:20:31,035 --> 01:20:32,036
PETER: Thank you.
1849
01:20:32,202 --> 01:20:33,624
There's beer, liquor.
1850
01:20:33,787 --> 01:20:35,380
There's food in the back.
1851
01:20:35,539 --> 01:20:36,710
Make yourselves at home.
1852
01:20:36,790 --> 01:20:37,917
(LIAM GRUNTS)
1853
01:20:38,167 --> 01:20:43,173
Hey, I am so fuckin' happy
you're my brother. I love you so much.
1854
01:20:43,630 --> 01:20:45,678
LIAM: I love you too, bro. You know.
1855
01:20:45,841 --> 01:20:49,471
Okay. Sorry to interrupt.
Uh, do you know if Paddy's here?
1856
01:20:49,636 --> 01:20:51,183
Oh, yeah. Dad's inside.
1857
01:20:52,181 --> 01:20:55,981
Come on. He's in the study.
I'll take you over. Come on.
1858
01:20:58,479 --> 01:21:01,028
Oh, uh, Dad's over there, guys.
1859
01:21:15,454 --> 01:21:17,582
So, uh, how do you guys know my dad?
1860
01:21:17,748 --> 01:21:19,967
Liam, Sean needs your help changing the keg.
1861
01:21:20,125 --> 01:21:21,923
Oh, for fuck's sakes.
1862
01:21:22,086 --> 01:21:24,430
Sorry, fellas, my brother's a moron.
1863
01:21:24,588 --> 01:21:26,886
Hey. Watch your mouth. That's
my boyfriend you're talking about.
1864
01:21:27,049 --> 01:21:30,269
My fuckin' 10-year-old cousin
can change a keg. Are you kidding me?
1865
01:21:35,432 --> 01:21:37,105
PETER: Oh, man.
1866
01:21:38,644 --> 01:21:40,863
I'm sorry, we're too late.
1867
01:21:41,605 --> 01:21:43,653
I would have really loved to get to know you.
1868
01:21:45,401 --> 01:21:47,825
He seems like a good man.
1869
01:21:47,986 --> 01:21:50,956
Raised a good family.
1870
01:21:53,867 --> 01:21:55,915
Did he just die?
1871
01:21:57,579 --> 01:21:59,252
Presumably, yeah.
1872
01:21:59,832 --> 01:22:02,256
KYLE: Do you think he died
in the line of duty?
1873
01:22:03,043 --> 01:22:05,171
FATHER McMANUS: Paddy O'Callaghan
1874
01:22:05,963 --> 01:22:08,261
was many things to many people.
1875
01:22:09,007 --> 01:22:11,305
There was no role he treasured more
1876
01:22:11,718 --> 01:22:13,015
than being a father.
1877
01:22:13,804 --> 01:22:17,024
And I know there's no one
he would rather hear from right now
1878
01:22:17,307 --> 01:22:19,810
than his dear sweet daughter.
1879
01:22:20,102 --> 01:22:22,196
Are you okay to talk, hon?
1880
01:22:22,646 --> 01:22:23,943
Thank you, Father.
1881
01:22:28,026 --> 01:22:29,027
My father and I
1882
01:22:29,570 --> 01:22:31,538
didn't always get along.
1883
01:22:31,864 --> 01:22:34,492
He was a cop who saw the worst in people.
1884
01:22:34,700 --> 01:22:36,919
(WHISPERS) That's the girl from last night.
1885
01:22:37,578 --> 01:22:38,670
SARAH: He practically arrested this...
1886
01:22:38,829 --> 01:22:39,921
No.
1887
01:22:41,415 --> 01:22:42,416
PETER: That's Babydoll.
1888
01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:43,630
I saw...
1889
01:22:43,792 --> 01:22:45,669
Oh, my God.
1890
01:22:45,836 --> 01:22:48,260
We've all slept with the wrong woman.
1891
01:22:48,422 --> 01:22:49,969
Yeah, but it's our sister.
1892
01:22:50,132 --> 01:22:53,511
I know. But I've slept
with some squirrelly women.
1893
01:22:53,677 --> 01:22:55,224
Super squirrelly.
1894
01:22:55,679 --> 01:22:59,149
PETER: It doesn't matter how squirrelly
they are, they're not our sister.
1895
01:22:59,349 --> 01:23:01,443
No, listen to me. It didn't happen, okay?
1896
01:23:01,602 --> 01:23:03,354
It didn't happen. Just erase it.
1897
01:23:03,520 --> 01:23:05,397
It didn't happen!
1898
01:23:05,856 --> 01:23:08,405
Is that why it was so good?
1899
01:23:08,650 --> 01:23:10,368
I'm a monster.
1900
01:23:10,611 --> 01:23:12,488
I love you, Pop.
1901
01:23:12,821 --> 01:23:15,290
I'm gonna miss you so much.
1902
01:23:15,449 --> 01:23:16,792
- We have to go.
- No!
1903
01:23:16,950 --> 01:23:18,997
Stop. Peter. Peter, stop.
1904
01:23:19,077 --> 01:23:21,417
Peter!
1905
01:23:21,497 --> 01:23:22,543
LIAM: The fuck!
1906
01:23:22,623 --> 01:23:24,250
KELLY: What the fuck! Sean!
1907
01:23:24,416 --> 01:23:26,544
It wasn't fucking me.
1908
01:23:27,669 --> 01:23:28,796
Did he get you?
1909
01:23:28,962 --> 01:23:30,839
Don't touch! Oh, my... Get your...
1910
01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:32,258
Hey, douchebag!
1911
01:23:33,258 --> 01:23:35,010
- Where's the apology?
- I'm sorry.
1912
01:23:35,177 --> 01:23:37,100
- Where's the apology?
- Jesus!
1913
01:23:37,262 --> 01:23:39,014
What were you talkin' about?
1914
01:23:39,181 --> 01:23:40,182
Just let us go.
1915
01:23:40,349 --> 01:23:41,521
Why are you not apologizing?
1916
01:23:41,683 --> 01:23:43,856
Hey, stop. Come here. Stop it.
1917
01:23:44,019 --> 01:23:45,146
Contact, bro?
1918
01:23:45,312 --> 01:23:47,064
Contact in O'Callaghan's yard?
1919
01:23:47,231 --> 01:23:48,323
Okay, just stop! Hold it!
1920
01:23:48,482 --> 01:23:49,483
LIAM: In my yard?
1921
01:23:49,650 --> 01:23:50,947
Hey! We just want an apology!
1922
01:23:51,109 --> 01:23:52,656
Come on, just say you're sorry.
1923
01:23:52,819 --> 01:23:54,287
- I'd really rather not.
- Peter, come on!
1924
01:23:54,446 --> 01:23:55,823
Summer's over, you ready for the fall?
1925
01:23:55,989 --> 01:23:57,116
Don't be prideful. Come on, just...
1926
01:23:57,282 --> 01:23:58,579
I'm not being prideful.
1927
01:23:58,742 --> 01:24:01,120
It's hard to apologize when I just got
shoved off a porch.
1928
01:24:01,286 --> 01:24:02,378
Charged up!
1929
01:24:02,538 --> 01:24:04,916
I saw you spill the drink on the girl.
She's soaked.
1930
01:24:05,082 --> 01:24:06,334
That's true and I am sorry about that.
1931
01:24:06,500 --> 01:24:08,252
Don't tell me, tell them! Just say it.
1932
01:24:08,418 --> 01:24:09,636
- Fine!
- SEAN: Fuck you guys!
1933
01:24:09,795 --> 01:24:10,887
I'm sorry!
1934
01:24:13,382 --> 01:24:14,725
To who?
1935
01:24:14,883 --> 01:24:17,306
To the douchebag's girlfriend.
1936
01:24:17,386 --> 01:24:18,683
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
1937
01:24:19,763 --> 01:24:21,310
Close enough.
1938
01:24:23,684 --> 01:24:25,152
- It's too late.
- KYLE: What?
1939
01:24:25,435 --> 01:24:27,649
Look, you can't move the goalposts.
1940
01:24:27,729 --> 01:24:28,730
They moved.
1941
01:24:28,814 --> 01:24:29,861
KYLE: He just apologized.
1942
01:24:30,023 --> 01:24:31,445
That's more than I've ever gotten from him.
1943
01:24:31,608 --> 01:24:34,111
Come on, you're lucky
we're not demanding an apology!
1944
01:24:34,444 --> 01:24:35,536
He wants an apology.
1945
01:24:35,696 --> 01:24:37,414
- Here's an apology, bro.
- (KYLE GROANS)
1946
01:24:37,698 --> 01:24:39,917
- That's an O'Callaghan sorry.
- CROWD: Whoa!
1947
01:24:45,038 --> 01:24:46,210
I got his ankle, Pete!
1948
01:24:46,832 --> 01:24:48,050
I got him in a foot lock.
1949
01:24:51,044 --> 01:24:52,216
I'm gonna sprain his ankle.
1950
01:24:52,379 --> 01:24:54,427
What are you boys doing? Get up!
1951
01:24:54,590 --> 01:24:57,014
What the hell's going on, boys? Huh?
1952
01:24:58,093 --> 01:24:59,265
Whoa.
1953
01:25:00,095 --> 01:25:01,267
Paddy!
1954
01:25:01,680 --> 01:25:02,807
He's alive!
1955
01:25:02,973 --> 01:25:04,441
LIAM: It's not Paddy, you idiot.
1956
01:25:04,600 --> 01:25:05,692
That's our Uncle Kevin.
1957
01:25:05,851 --> 01:25:07,194
He's Paddy's twin brother.
1958
01:25:07,352 --> 01:25:09,400
My brother's lying dead in there.
1959
01:25:09,563 --> 01:25:10,940
Show a little respect.
1960
01:25:11,023 --> 01:25:12,024
Peter?
1961
01:25:12,983 --> 01:25:14,030
Hey.
1962
01:25:14,318 --> 01:25:15,570
What are you doing here?
1963
01:25:16,403 --> 01:25:18,200
Wait a minute, you know this d-bag?
1964
01:25:18,280 --> 01:25:19,281
Yeah.
1965
01:25:19,364 --> 01:25:22,334
- KELLY: Is this the guy from last night?
- What guy from last night?
1966
01:25:22,492 --> 01:25:24,836
- Is he why you didn't come home?
- Did you fuck our sister?
1967
01:25:25,245 --> 01:25:26,838
- Oh, God.
- Language.
1968
01:25:26,997 --> 01:25:28,715
Did you eff our sister?
1969
01:25:28,874 --> 01:25:29,921
That's better.
1970
01:25:30,083 --> 01:25:32,586
Stop it, you guys. I'm a grown woman!
1971
01:25:32,753 --> 01:25:34,130
Easy. She's right, boys. Easy.
1972
01:25:34,296 --> 01:25:36,094
Come on. We're acting like animals.
1973
01:25:36,256 --> 01:25:38,304
I'm pretty sure that
your sister's had sex before,
1974
01:25:38,467 --> 01:25:41,141
and I can tell you that Peter
is a considerate lover.
1975
01:25:41,303 --> 01:25:42,555
- Oh, God!
- KYLE: I'll vouch for that.
1976
01:25:42,721 --> 01:25:44,348
LIAM: You come to my home.
1977
01:25:44,806 --> 01:25:48,356
To my father's wake
the day after fucking my sister?
1978
01:25:49,603 --> 01:25:50,980
I'm going to break your dick.
1979
01:25:51,063 --> 01:25:53,236
- (ALL SHOUTING)
- Liam, hold off.
1980
01:25:53,482 --> 01:25:55,530
I know I was saying
relax a couple of seconds ago.
1981
01:25:55,692 --> 01:25:58,537
But if someone came over to my house
and effed my grieving sister,
1982
01:25:58,695 --> 01:26:01,995
I'm pretty sure that I'd want to
just rip him limb to limb, okay?
1983
01:26:02,157 --> 01:26:03,875
I'd want to just mutilate his ass.
1984
01:26:04,034 --> 01:26:05,035
What?
1985
01:26:05,202 --> 01:26:06,420
Deservedly.
1986
01:26:06,578 --> 01:26:07,624
But guess what?
1987
01:26:07,704 --> 01:26:08,705
What?
1988
01:26:08,789 --> 01:26:11,543
Someone did just eff my grieving sister.
1989
01:26:11,917 --> 01:26:13,385
- Yeah.
- What?
1990
01:26:13,627 --> 01:26:15,095
Peter, do the honors. Chime in.
1991
01:26:15,253 --> 01:26:16,345
- No!
- Chime in.
1992
01:26:16,505 --> 01:26:18,803
I don't think we should do the honors.
1993
01:26:18,965 --> 01:26:23,061
Liam, Sean, darling Sarah...
1994
01:26:24,513 --> 01:26:28,604
Paddy's our father. You're our brothers.
You're our sister.
1995
01:26:28,684 --> 01:26:29,731
What?
1996
01:26:29,893 --> 01:26:31,566
What the fuck are you talking about?
1997
01:26:31,728 --> 01:26:33,196
What the hell is going on?
1998
01:26:33,814 --> 01:26:37,284
Our mom's name is Helen Baxter.
Did Paddy ever mention her?
1999
01:26:38,902 --> 01:26:40,825
- You're Helen's boys?
- PETER: Yes!
2000
01:26:41,488 --> 01:26:42,580
The twins?
2001
01:26:42,698 --> 01:26:44,075
- (SARAH GROANS)
- (ALL GASPING)
2002
01:26:44,700 --> 01:26:46,327
You don't pick your family.
2003
01:26:47,202 --> 01:26:49,421
- Oh, God!
- SEAN: I'm gonna fucking kill you!
2004
01:26:49,579 --> 01:26:51,377
- I'm going to fucking kill you!
- Seanie! Seanie!
2005
01:26:51,581 --> 01:26:53,879
Stop it! You two stay right here.
2006
01:26:54,042 --> 01:26:55,544
What is happening?
2007
01:26:55,711 --> 01:26:58,510
All right, everybody whose last name
isn't O'Callaghan, get in the house.
2008
01:26:59,256 --> 01:27:00,724
Come on, move.
2009
01:27:03,844 --> 01:27:06,097
Oh, fuck!
2010
01:27:08,432 --> 01:27:09,604
KEVIN: All right, settle in.
2011
01:27:10,434 --> 01:27:11,652
I'll try to clear this up for you.
2012
01:27:11,810 --> 01:27:12,811
Good.
2013
01:27:12,978 --> 01:27:14,855
Paddy could not be their father.
2014
01:27:15,021 --> 01:27:16,648
How do you know that, Kevin?
2015
01:27:16,815 --> 01:27:18,533
Because Paddy and their mother never had sex.
2016
01:27:18,692 --> 01:27:19,693
What?
2017
01:27:20,652 --> 01:27:22,700
I mean, you can't know that for sure.
2018
01:27:22,863 --> 01:27:25,082
Paddy thought he was gonna marry your mother.
2019
01:27:25,240 --> 01:27:27,117
And despite the sexual climate,
2020
01:27:27,284 --> 01:27:30,254
for him, that meant saving it
for their wedding night.
2021
01:27:30,412 --> 01:27:31,959
Yeah, like Sarah's saving her muff.
2022
01:27:32,247 --> 01:27:34,250
Shut the fuck up, Liam. You're no angel.
2023
01:27:34,416 --> 01:27:35,713
Shut up, you two.
2024
01:27:35,876 --> 01:27:38,379
My brother Paddy took this very seriously.
2025
01:27:39,212 --> 01:27:41,260
If you don't believe me, ask your mother.
2026
01:27:42,174 --> 01:27:43,175
Not now,
2027
01:27:43,341 --> 01:27:44,433
you moron!
2028
01:27:44,593 --> 01:27:45,720
You said go ask Ma.
2029
01:27:45,802 --> 01:27:46,803
Sit down.
2030
01:27:46,887 --> 01:27:48,560
Jesus Christ! Sit down.
2031
01:27:49,347 --> 01:27:51,190
So what happened?
2032
01:27:51,349 --> 01:27:54,524
Well, what happened was
a guy by the name of Walter Tinkler.
2033
01:27:54,686 --> 01:27:56,859
A veterinarian student from down in New York.
2034
01:27:57,022 --> 01:27:58,615
Dr. Tinkler? We know him!
2035
01:27:58,774 --> 01:28:00,572
The guy who killed Chairman Meow.
2036
01:28:00,734 --> 01:28:02,407
PETER: He didn't kill Chairman Meow.
2037
01:28:02,569 --> 01:28:05,618
Well, was Chairman Meow alive
when we dropped him off?
2038
01:28:05,781 --> 01:28:07,533
Was he dead when we picked him up?
2039
01:28:07,699 --> 01:28:09,162
In my book, that's murder.
2040
01:28:09,242 --> 01:28:13,167
Hey. Hey. It was just a fuckin' cat.
2041
01:28:13,705 --> 01:28:17,335
We both loved Chairman Meow.
2042
01:28:18,168 --> 01:28:22,014
I can't believe Tinkler's
been in our lives this whole time.
2043
01:28:22,172 --> 01:28:24,266
You see, this Tinkler guy and your mother
2044
01:28:24,424 --> 01:28:27,974
had this on-again off-again relationship
apparently since high school.
2045
01:28:28,386 --> 01:28:31,561
Paddy was always worried
that she'd wind up going back to him.
2046
01:28:32,140 --> 01:28:34,689
Ultimately, she did.
2047
01:28:35,185 --> 01:28:38,780
But she did tell my brother she'd always
have a warm spot in the heart for him.
2048
01:28:39,105 --> 01:28:40,903
She let him down soft.
2049
01:28:41,066 --> 01:28:44,036
But this Tinkler guy
was the love of her life,
2050
01:28:44,194 --> 01:28:45,787
and that she was going to marry him.
2051
01:28:45,946 --> 01:28:48,370
Mom got married?
2052
01:28:48,532 --> 01:28:49,624
To Tinkler?
2053
01:28:49,783 --> 01:28:50,784
KEVIN: Last I heard...
2054
01:28:50,951 --> 01:28:53,375
She had twins and
moved back to Ohio to raise 'em.
2055
01:28:53,870 --> 01:28:54,871
What?
2056
01:28:55,372 --> 01:28:57,591
So, if their mom hadn't broken
our dad's heart,
2057
01:28:57,749 --> 01:28:59,547
then the three of us
2058
01:29:00,335 --> 01:29:01,553
never been born?
2059
01:29:01,920 --> 01:29:03,968
That's one way of looking at it.
2060
01:29:04,756 --> 01:29:06,383
Sorry, fellas...
2061
01:29:07,133 --> 01:29:08,430
You made me.
2062
01:29:10,220 --> 01:29:11,517
You gave me life.
2063
01:29:14,099 --> 01:29:17,148
That's not good logic.
2064
01:29:18,687 --> 01:29:22,032
That's all I got. I'm stuck with this.
2065
01:29:22,649 --> 01:29:23,901
Enjoy your fuckin' life.
2066
01:29:24,067 --> 01:29:25,614
Thanks, Uncle Kevin.
2067
01:29:28,196 --> 01:29:29,743
And you two
2068
01:29:29,906 --> 01:29:32,329
are off the hook. Officially.
2069
01:29:32,409 --> 01:29:33,410
PETER: Yeah.
2070
01:29:33,493 --> 01:29:35,166
KYLE: You were sweatin' it there
for a second.
2071
01:29:35,412 --> 01:29:38,336
I was, too. I know I said it wasn't
a big deal, effing your sister.
2072
01:29:38,498 --> 01:29:39,499
It's a big deal.
2073
01:29:39,666 --> 01:29:42,090
- It's a big deal.
- KYLE: It's criminal.
2074
01:29:44,546 --> 01:29:45,798
SARAH: Oh, my God!
2075
01:29:45,964 --> 01:29:48,092
Looks like we're going home.
2076
01:29:56,391 --> 01:29:58,018
(INAUDIBLE)
2077
01:30:03,690 --> 01:30:05,158
(HORN HONKING)
2078
01:30:08,236 --> 01:30:09,488
What was that?
2079
01:30:11,072 --> 01:30:12,449
You honked.
2080
01:30:13,491 --> 01:30:14,743
You asshole.
2081
01:30:26,212 --> 01:30:27,339
(DINGS)
2082
01:30:27,422 --> 01:30:29,425
- Hello!
- Hello!
2083
01:30:29,716 --> 01:30:32,060
- (DINGS)
- I just did...
2084
01:30:32,761 --> 01:30:33,853
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Hello?
2085
01:30:34,012 --> 01:30:35,559
Yup. Heard you the first time.
2086
01:30:35,722 --> 01:30:37,019
KYLE: Sorry.
2087
01:30:37,182 --> 01:30:38,274
How can I help you?
2088
01:30:38,433 --> 01:30:40,185
PETER: We really need to see Dr. Tinkler.
2089
01:30:40,352 --> 01:30:42,104
- Kind of a family emergency.
- Yeah.
2090
01:30:42,437 --> 01:30:44,906
Well, I'm sorry. He's with a patient
and doesn't want to be disturbed.
2091
01:30:45,607 --> 01:30:47,905
Well, I'm sorry. We didn't want to
grow up without a father.
2092
01:30:48,068 --> 01:30:49,114
Yeah.
2093
01:30:49,194 --> 01:30:50,321
Could you please disturb him?
2094
01:30:50,487 --> 01:30:53,366
Okay, I can't really
speak to your experience.
2095
01:30:53,531 --> 01:30:55,534
Although I did get kicked out of a threesome
2096
01:30:55,617 --> 01:30:57,038
in college and that was very traumatic.
2097
01:30:57,118 --> 01:30:58,245
- No.
- ALI: Yeah.
2098
01:30:59,162 --> 01:31:00,755
- They just kicked you out?
- ALI: Yes.
2099
01:31:01,081 --> 01:31:03,505
They went like this... (CLICKING TONGUE)
2100
01:31:03,792 --> 01:31:05,385
In flagrante and then you're gone?
2101
01:31:05,543 --> 01:31:07,716
They said I was underperforming.
I thought I was doing great.
2102
01:31:07,879 --> 01:31:09,722
Can we just stay focused here?
2103
01:31:09,881 --> 01:31:11,178
This is super important.
2104
01:31:11,341 --> 01:31:14,265
We have to see the doctor stat,
2105
01:31:14,427 --> 01:31:15,645
which is a medical term.
2106
01:31:15,804 --> 01:31:17,772
(SIGHS) Okay, he has an opening...
2107
01:31:17,931 --> 01:31:19,144
Ooh! Thursday.
2108
01:31:19,224 --> 01:31:20,395
- I'll pencil you in.
- (DINGS)
2109
01:31:20,475 --> 01:31:21,563
- PETER: No!
- KYLE: Now!
2110
01:31:21,643 --> 01:31:23,896
- Pencil us in now!
- Right now! This is urgent.
2111
01:31:24,062 --> 01:31:25,233
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Please!
2112
01:31:25,313 --> 01:31:28,904
Ali, could you bring me Butterball's
immunization records, please?
2113
01:31:28,984 --> 01:31:30,031
Hello.
2114
01:31:30,151 --> 01:31:31,243
(KYLE EXHALES)
2115
01:31:35,699 --> 01:31:36,951
Peter.
2116
01:31:38,827 --> 01:31:40,124
Kyle.
2117
01:31:41,204 --> 01:31:42,422
Walter.
2118
01:31:43,289 --> 01:31:44,507
Dad.
2119
01:31:46,167 --> 01:31:47,214
(GASPS)
2120
01:31:48,211 --> 01:31:49,804
- What the... Come on.
- Get him.
2121
01:31:49,963 --> 01:31:51,840
You gotta get down here right away.
They're here.
2122
01:31:52,007 --> 01:31:53,884
Walter, what are you doing? We're your sons.
2123
01:31:54,050 --> 01:31:55,268
WALTER: Well, you gotta get down here.
2124
01:31:55,427 --> 01:31:58,146
Walter is your father?
You said you never wanted children!
2125
01:31:58,638 --> 01:32:00,641
I didn't. I don't. Ali, it's complicated.
2126
01:32:00,807 --> 01:32:01,934
You know what's complicated?
2127
01:32:02,017 --> 01:32:03,144
Dating a man who went
to high school with my mother.
2128
01:32:03,309 --> 01:32:04,481
You should just open the door.
2129
01:32:04,978 --> 01:32:06,275
Second door, sucker.
2130
01:32:06,438 --> 01:32:07,656
Pete, I'm in.
2131
01:32:07,814 --> 01:32:10,613
- Now you're gonna talk.
- WALTER: Kyle, please. Guys, calm down.
2132
01:32:10,775 --> 01:32:13,574
Your mother, I think,
really should have this conversation.
2133
01:32:13,737 --> 01:32:16,286
Well, that hasn't worked
for the last 40 years.
2134
01:32:16,448 --> 01:32:20,078
Look. We're not trying to
shake you down, Dad, we just wanna...
2135
01:32:23,163 --> 01:32:24,836
You sick son of a bitch.
2136
01:32:24,998 --> 01:32:27,092
Is this how you butchered Chairman Meow?
2137
01:32:27,292 --> 01:32:30,171
Nobody butchered Chairman Meow.
It's called putting him down.
2138
01:32:30,879 --> 01:32:32,176
It's called death.
2139
01:32:32,380 --> 01:32:34,007
Death. Yes.
2140
01:32:34,549 --> 01:32:36,802
It comes to us all. Even the kitties.
2141
01:32:36,968 --> 01:32:38,470
Enough, all right.
2142
01:32:38,845 --> 01:32:42,520
We know you're our father.
Why can't you just say it?
2143
01:32:42,682 --> 01:32:44,025
We just want some answers.
2144
01:32:44,434 --> 01:32:45,526
KYLE: Ooh. Looky here.
2145
01:32:45,685 --> 01:32:48,780
Is this what you do?
You just shoot the cats in the head?
2146
01:32:48,938 --> 01:32:51,692
It's a tranquilizer gun. Every vet has one.
2147
01:32:51,858 --> 01:32:54,111
Not on my watch.
You're not going to put him down.
2148
01:32:54,277 --> 01:32:56,280
- This has to stop.
- We're just snipping him.
2149
01:32:56,446 --> 01:32:57,914
This cat lives...
2150
01:33:00,742 --> 01:33:01,960
Pete, you gotta see this.
2151
01:33:02,118 --> 01:33:03,586
Kyle, stay focused.
2152
01:33:03,745 --> 01:33:05,463
Oh, my God. Those are huge.
2153
01:33:06,414 --> 01:33:08,257
Those are big balls.
2154
01:33:08,416 --> 01:33:11,170
- Unnerving.
- Gotta tip your hat to the little guy.
2155
01:33:11,336 --> 01:33:12,929
You're a doctor, is that normal?
2156
01:33:13,088 --> 01:33:15,386
No. Yeah. But for a gorilla.
2157
01:33:16,591 --> 01:33:18,844
KYLE: That's beautiful. Well done.
2158
01:33:19,010 --> 01:33:20,512
Wow. That's...
2159
01:33:20,678 --> 01:33:21,679
He's gone!
2160
01:33:22,889 --> 01:33:24,186
We got a runner!
2161
01:33:25,266 --> 01:33:26,893
Run, Walter, run!
2162
01:33:27,060 --> 01:33:30,189
Where are you going? We know where you live.
2163
01:33:30,271 --> 01:33:32,194
- (TRANQUILIZER GUN FIRES)
- (GROANING)
2164
01:33:32,482 --> 01:33:34,280
Whoa. You shot Dad.
2165
01:33:34,442 --> 01:33:36,615
Because this ends now.
2166
01:33:42,117 --> 01:33:43,244
PETER: Walter!
2167
01:33:44,160 --> 01:33:45,707
Is he all right? Pete, you're a doctor, look.
2168
01:33:45,870 --> 01:33:47,588
- I know. I think he's okay.
- Sweetheart, come through.
2169
01:33:47,747 --> 01:33:48,965
Give him some water.
2170
01:33:49,124 --> 01:33:51,548
- PETER: Yeah, it's gonna be okay. Right?
- Give me your eyes. It's me, Kyle.
2171
01:33:51,709 --> 01:33:52,801
Why did you run?
2172
01:33:52,961 --> 01:33:54,554
You see how it feels? It doesn't feel good.
2173
01:33:54,712 --> 01:33:55,713
Hey, come on.
2174
01:33:55,880 --> 01:33:57,723
What the fuck did you do to Walter?
2175
01:33:57,882 --> 01:33:58,974
Mom, what are you doing here?
2176
01:33:59,134 --> 01:34:00,852
Yeah, what are you doing here?
2177
01:34:01,010 --> 01:34:02,478
You just called me! Are you kidding?
2178
01:34:02,637 --> 01:34:07,143
I'm sorry. I got shot by a tranquilizer
dart and I'm a little woozy.
2179
01:34:07,725 --> 01:34:09,398
It was a whole... It's...
2180
01:34:09,561 --> 01:34:11,438
We shot him because he was trying to escape.
2181
01:34:11,604 --> 01:34:12,605
PETER: What the hell, Mom?
2182
01:34:13,064 --> 01:34:16,659
I mean, our Dad was here the whole time.
You sent us on this wild goose chase.
2183
01:34:16,818 --> 01:34:18,240
Okay. This family has issues.
2184
01:34:18,403 --> 01:34:20,030
I didn't think you'd go, okay?
2185
01:34:20,196 --> 01:34:22,160
Although, I thought it might be a nice idea
2186
01:34:22,240 --> 01:34:24,083
for you guys to go on a road trip together,
2187
01:34:24,242 --> 01:34:27,337
since you can't stay in the
same room together for two minutes.
2188
01:34:27,495 --> 01:34:29,213
We can and we did.
2189
01:34:29,372 --> 01:34:31,090
Yeah, we drove halfway around the country
2190
01:34:31,249 --> 01:34:33,126
looking for a guy who lives next door to us.
2191
01:34:34,043 --> 01:34:35,590
By the way, kind of a bumpy ride.
2192
01:34:35,753 --> 01:34:38,427
He didn't live next door. He actually
lived three or four houses down.
2193
01:34:38,590 --> 01:34:40,388
- No, it's definitely our street.
- Over. But I know what you mean.
2194
01:34:40,550 --> 01:34:42,177
- No, it wasn't. It was the next street.
- It was.
2195
01:34:42,260 --> 01:34:43,261
Stop it!
2196
01:34:44,053 --> 01:34:45,225
Stop it!
2197
01:34:45,513 --> 01:34:47,937
Just take a big deep breath, okay?
2198
01:34:48,099 --> 01:34:49,976
Please. Sit down.
2199
01:34:50,560 --> 01:34:51,778
Sit down.
2200
01:34:52,437 --> 01:34:53,733
(HELEN SIGHS)
2201
01:34:53,813 --> 01:34:55,986
There's something I have to say.
2202
01:35:00,528 --> 01:35:02,656
It was, um... (CLEARS THROAT)
2203
01:35:05,241 --> 01:35:10,873
Okay. It was December 1975,
three days before Christmas.
2204
01:35:11,080 --> 01:35:13,128
That's our birthday.
2205
01:35:13,208 --> 01:35:14,209
Yeah.
2206
01:35:14,292 --> 01:35:16,090
HELEN: I was doing community outreach
2207
01:35:16,252 --> 01:35:21,429
working with women who were
in pretty bad situations.
2208
01:35:21,591 --> 01:35:23,764
What kind of bad situations?
2209
01:35:23,927 --> 01:35:24,928
Really bad, Kyle.
2210
01:35:25,011 --> 01:35:26,012
ALI: Drugs...
2211
01:35:26,387 --> 01:35:27,479
Abuse...
2212
01:35:27,639 --> 01:35:30,814
Destructive May-December relationships
they can't pry themselves away from?
2213
01:35:30,975 --> 01:35:35,651
Ali, don't bring your own drum
to the concert. Let Helen talk.
2214
01:35:36,189 --> 01:35:37,566
(SCOFFS)
2215
01:35:37,649 --> 01:35:41,700
There was one young girl in particular
that I got very close to.
2216
01:35:42,153 --> 01:35:46,204
There was something
incredibly special about her.
2217
01:35:46,658 --> 01:35:48,911
She was six months pregnant.
2218
01:35:49,410 --> 01:35:52,004
She went into labor early.
2219
01:35:52,163 --> 01:35:54,382
It was dangerously early.
2220
01:35:54,540 --> 01:36:00,422
And she had a very, very long
and hard delivery.
2221
01:36:00,755 --> 01:36:02,598
But at the end,
2222
01:36:03,466 --> 01:36:09,314
she produced two beautiful baby boys.
2223
01:36:15,395 --> 01:36:17,022
Your birth mother...
2224
01:36:24,195 --> 01:36:25,697
Your mother...
2225
01:36:27,991 --> 01:36:29,584
Didn't survive.
2226
01:36:36,499 --> 01:36:38,877
Oh, my God. This just got really sad.
2227
01:36:39,043 --> 01:36:40,716
So, with no family on record,
2228
01:36:40,878 --> 01:36:43,381
the hospital was required
to call social services.
2229
01:36:43,548 --> 01:36:47,769
But Helen didn't want to put you
into that system and maybe get split up.
2230
01:36:47,927 --> 01:36:51,557
She loved you from the moment she saw you.
2231
01:36:52,974 --> 01:36:55,352
So, I started the process of adoption.
2232
01:36:56,144 --> 01:36:58,021
WALTER: Despite my objections.
2233
01:36:58,187 --> 01:36:59,860
See, much as I loved Helen...
2234
01:37:00,023 --> 01:37:04,529
I couldn't imagine sacrificing my future
for two tiny strangers. You know?
2235
01:37:04,694 --> 01:37:07,994
Kids were never part of my plan.
2236
01:37:08,698 --> 01:37:10,951
I'm better with animals, I guess.
2237
01:37:11,117 --> 01:37:15,543
Helen, on the other hand,
could imagine nothing else.
2238
01:37:15,788 --> 01:37:20,840
And I brought you here
to Westerville to raise you.
2239
01:37:37,268 --> 01:37:38,986
What was her name?
2240
01:37:39,520 --> 01:37:41,238
Our birth mother.
2241
01:37:43,024 --> 01:37:44,526
Jenny.
2242
01:37:48,321 --> 01:37:49,573
Jenny who?
2243
01:37:50,365 --> 01:37:51,912
HELEN: I don't know.
2244
01:37:52,867 --> 01:37:57,669
The reason why young girls came to us
was because we didn't ask questions.
2245
01:37:58,998 --> 01:38:01,968
We weren't certain
that that was her real name.
2246
01:38:02,710 --> 01:38:04,553
What about our dad?
2247
01:38:06,381 --> 01:38:07,928
We never knew.
2248
01:38:08,299 --> 01:38:09,926
She wouldn't talk about it.
2249
01:38:11,219 --> 01:38:16,021
She just wanted to start a
new life for the three of you.
2250
01:38:28,945 --> 01:38:30,037
(SIGHS)
2251
01:38:38,579 --> 01:38:40,707
I need to get some air.
2252
01:38:41,290 --> 01:38:42,712
(DOOR OPENS)
2253
01:38:44,252 --> 01:38:45,549
(DOOR CLOSES)
2254
01:38:46,671 --> 01:38:48,514
- I'll talk to him.
- Yeah.
2255
01:38:52,844 --> 01:38:54,221
(DOOR OPENS)
2256
01:38:56,180 --> 01:38:57,227
Hey.
2257
01:38:58,266 --> 01:38:59,393
Talk to me.
2258
01:39:01,269 --> 01:39:03,488
What's going through your head?
2259
01:39:04,188 --> 01:39:06,987
Biological mother dies at child birth?
2260
01:39:07,150 --> 01:39:09,118
Which I guess is another way
of saying we killed her.
2261
01:39:09,277 --> 01:39:10,278
No.
2262
01:39:10,361 --> 01:39:12,079
At a certain point,
I just gotta say, you're right.
2263
01:39:12,238 --> 01:39:13,990
The universe is an asshole.
2264
01:39:14,157 --> 01:39:18,959
I think we're a couple of born losers
fulfilling our born loser identity.
2265
01:39:19,620 --> 01:39:22,044
I mean, you don't think
that's an asshole move?
2266
01:39:22,707 --> 01:39:24,380
Fuck the universe!
2267
01:39:25,793 --> 01:39:26,794
What do you call that?
2268
01:39:26,961 --> 01:39:31,933
I'll grant you, the universe is
a little wily, a little unpredictable.
2269
01:39:32,842 --> 01:39:38,224
But it's pretty fucking amazing
when you consider it also gave us Mom.
2270
01:39:40,016 --> 01:39:44,442
And Mom gave up everything for us.
2271
01:39:45,897 --> 01:39:48,776
Where would we be right now without Mom?
2272
01:39:48,941 --> 01:39:51,990
And I hate to even contemplate this.
2273
01:39:52,445 --> 01:39:55,574
We might be running around out there,
2274
01:39:57,283 --> 01:40:01,914
not even aware that each other exists.
2275
01:40:06,375 --> 01:40:07,672
We're not losers.
2276
01:40:07,835 --> 01:40:10,338
We're survivors. Okay?
2277
01:40:11,088 --> 01:40:13,682
And that's because of Mom.
2278
01:40:15,468 --> 01:40:19,974
And because of Mom, we can survive
anything the universe throws at us.
2279
01:40:22,183 --> 01:40:23,526
I like that.
2280
01:40:24,477 --> 01:40:26,400
All right. Good.
2281
01:40:26,562 --> 01:40:28,109
Survivors.
2282
01:40:29,440 --> 01:40:30,737
That's good.
2283
01:40:30,900 --> 01:40:34,495
But the universe
is on probation with me, Pete.
2284
01:40:34,862 --> 01:40:36,489
Fair enough.
2285
01:40:44,830 --> 01:40:49,711
(SIGHS) I should've told you
as soon as you could understand,
2286
01:40:49,877 --> 01:40:52,050
but I didn't,
2287
01:40:53,089 --> 01:40:56,434
and it just got harder and harder.
2288
01:40:57,051 --> 01:40:58,769
I was so afraid.
2289
01:40:59,345 --> 01:41:00,437
Of what?
2290
01:41:01,430 --> 01:41:03,478
Of hurting you.
2291
01:41:05,726 --> 01:41:07,103
Losing you.
2292
01:41:10,982 --> 01:41:13,610
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
2293
01:41:13,818 --> 01:41:14,910
No.
2294
01:41:24,078 --> 01:41:25,580
(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT ON PA)
2295
01:41:29,292 --> 01:41:30,419
So, (SIGHS)
2296
01:41:32,837 --> 01:41:34,305
I got hit by a train.
2297
01:41:34,463 --> 01:41:37,262
- You got hit by a train.
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
2298
01:41:40,177 --> 01:41:43,477
I'm gonna miss you.
2299
01:41:45,016 --> 01:41:49,522
Well, you get after that
fantastic girl of yours,
2300
01:41:49,687 --> 01:41:51,234
and give her Honi for me.
2301
01:41:51,397 --> 01:41:52,990
Fuck that! I'm gonna give you a Honi.
2302
01:41:53,149 --> 01:41:54,492
- I don't need a Honi. I'm good.
- You do need a Honi.
2303
01:41:54,650 --> 01:41:55,651
We all need Honis.
2304
01:41:55,735 --> 01:41:56,782
Hey! Peter.
2305
01:41:57,320 --> 01:41:59,243
- I'm giving you a Honi.
- All right.
2306
01:41:59,405 --> 01:42:01,032
You know what they say...
2307
01:42:01,949 --> 01:42:03,326
A Honi a day...
2308
01:42:03,409 --> 01:42:04,831
(BOTH LAUGHING)
2309
01:42:31,062 --> 01:42:32,108
PETER: Blue, 32!
2310
01:42:32,188 --> 01:42:33,656
Hut! Hut!
2311
01:42:34,982 --> 01:42:36,109
In the end zone.
2312
01:42:37,652 --> 01:42:39,871
- Yeah! It's a catch!
- Oh!
2313
01:42:40,029 --> 01:42:41,076
Great throw, Dad.
2314
01:42:41,238 --> 01:42:42,865
Damn, you could've been in the NFL.
2315
01:42:42,948 --> 01:42:45,042
- Eh! Probably.
- Hey, you ready for this?
2316
01:42:45,201 --> 01:42:47,169
Probably could've been. Yeah. Hit me. Hit me.
2317
01:42:50,831 --> 01:42:52,128
- Oh, shit!
- (GROANING)
2318
01:42:52,667 --> 01:42:54,385
Boom! You like that?
2319
01:42:54,543 --> 01:42:56,420
Oh, my God. Nice hit.
2320
01:42:57,880 --> 01:42:59,098
- Come here, you.
- (YELPS)
2321
01:43:00,591 --> 01:43:02,059
Oh, gross, guys.
2322
01:43:02,218 --> 01:43:03,595
Come on. Really?
2323
01:43:07,348 --> 01:43:09,567
Life is such a crazy ride.
2324
01:43:09,725 --> 01:43:13,320
One minute you're on this epic quest
with your brother...
2325
01:43:13,479 --> 01:43:16,654
The next minute you're getting
replaced by a monkey,
2326
01:43:16,816 --> 01:43:17,863
about to lose it all.
2327
01:43:18,025 --> 01:43:19,026
PETER: And the next minute,
2328
01:43:19,193 --> 01:43:22,697
you think your brother's been killed
by a speeding locomotive.
2329
01:43:22,863 --> 01:43:27,164
And the next minute you think your
brother's having sex with his sister.
2330
01:43:27,326 --> 01:43:29,248
But the next minute you're very happy
2331
01:43:29,328 --> 01:43:31,331
to find out that she can't be your sister
2332
01:43:31,497 --> 01:43:34,376
because her father didn't believe
in premarital sex.
2333
01:43:34,667 --> 01:43:37,421
I'm not sure they're quite ready
to hear about all your adventures.
2334
01:43:37,920 --> 01:43:40,469
You're gonna have to educate those girls
about premarital sex,
2335
01:43:40,631 --> 01:43:44,977
because we come from a long line
of people with a zest for love making.
2336
01:43:45,136 --> 01:43:47,184
Never hold back on love.
2337
01:43:47,346 --> 01:43:49,189
You hear that? Never.
2338
01:43:49,348 --> 01:43:51,396
But let's not get distracted.
Now, where were we?
2339
01:43:51,559 --> 01:43:54,779
Yes, one minute, Dad's getting
replaced by a monkey...
2340
01:43:55,020 --> 01:43:56,647
PETER: Yeah, but the next minute
2341
01:43:56,897 --> 01:43:58,865
you're inventing an app with your brother
2342
01:43:59,024 --> 01:44:02,403
that sends people optimistic messages
from the universe.
2343
01:44:02,778 --> 01:44:05,327
And then the next minute,
you're making $3.99...
2344
01:44:05,489 --> 01:44:07,958
- Every time it's downloaded.
- Every single time.
2345
01:44:08,117 --> 01:44:10,666
And the next minute,
it's been downloaded a million times.
2346
01:44:10,828 --> 01:44:12,330
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- A million times.
2347
01:44:14,582 --> 01:44:17,210
Hi, it's me. The Universe.
2348
01:44:17,376 --> 01:44:20,471
Remember, life is not a race.
2349
01:44:20,629 --> 01:44:22,757
It's the journey that counts.
2350
01:44:22,923 --> 01:44:24,050
Okay?
2351
01:44:24,800 --> 01:44:25,972
I love you.
2352
01:44:28,053 --> 01:44:30,431
By the way, the Illuminati is real.