1
00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,394
Well, good news.
2
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,651
I found your car keys.
3
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,231
That's where I left them.
4
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,439
Oh, you know, you have the prostate
of an 18-year-old.
5
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:18,235
Nice! I'd rather have his dick,
but you get what you get.
6
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,162
Next time, buy me dinner first.
7
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,871
That's a good one.
8
00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:27,034
I like that joke.
9
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,579
I hadn't heard that before.
10
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,677
Come on. Why do I have to go?
11
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:37,883
Because...
12
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:39,968
It's his weekend and you're not missing
your grandmother's wedding.
13
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,178
It's no fun there.
14
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:44,469
Last time he made me watch an entire
Super Bowl from 1979.
15
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,139
Who watches a 30-year-old football game?
16
00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:50,730
He's always angry or pissed off...
17
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,359
Don't say that
about your father.
18
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:53,986
It's not my fault
he's an asshole.
19
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:56,364
We're not having
this discussion. Go get your bag.
20
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:13,623
Pick Enterprise. We'll pick you up.
21
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:14,707
In New York City...
22
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,964
The dedicated detectives who investigate
23
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:19,762
these vicious felonies
are members of an elite squad
24
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,430
known as the Special Victims Unit.
25
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,011
These are their stories.
26
00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:44,370
Hello.
27
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,155
Ah, there you are.
28
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:47,323
Hello.
29
00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:48,453
- Hey, Peter.
- Sweetheart.
30
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:49,579
Mom, you look radiant.
31
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:50,869
- Thank you.
- Hi, Sheila.
32
00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,412
These are for Mom's bunions...
33
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:55,923
If you want her on her feet in two hours
you'll make sure she wears those.
34
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,880
Thank you, darling.
That was sweet.
35
00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,043
You know, Peter,
36
00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:01,884
if ever you start questioning
your sexuality,
37
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,845
I'd love to introduce you
to my son, Jason.
38
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,720
- He's got a tight little butt.
- Ooh.
39
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,229
I'll be downstairs if you need me.
40
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,348
- Thank you, Sheila.
- Wow.
41
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,643
Good to know.
42
00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,477
Good for Jason.
43
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,730
Where's Ethan?
44
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,399
Uh, he's here somewhere.
Happy as a clam.
45
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,699
Oh, don't be discouraged.
46
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,158
You're a great dad.
47
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,365
Just love him
48
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,705
and be there for him.
49
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,416
And maybe loosen up a little.
50
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,422
I'm loose.
51
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,383
I mean...
52
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,385
I'm loose, whatevs.
53
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,550
Have you seen your brother yet?
54
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,223
Hmm? Oh, you invited him?
55
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,514
Life is so crazy, man.
56
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,692
One minute,
you're napping in Maui, unemployed,
57
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,478
uneducated, 30 bucks to your name...
58
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,567
The next minute,
some guy's walking up to you
59
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:04,363
asking if he can put your picture
on a barbeque sauce bottle.
60
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:05,867
And the next minute...
61
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,906
They're giving you three cents
for every bottle they sell.
62
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:13,076
And the next minute they're selling
30 million of these bad boys.
63
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,206
And then the next minute...
64
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:17,087
You're wearing a white leather jacket
65
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,795
and white high-tops
to your mom's wedding.
66
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,049
Pete!
67
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,886
It is so good to see you.
68
00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,968
I haven't seen this guy in two years.
69
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:28,383
Four. Actually.
70
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,096
- Has it been that long?
- Mmm-hmm.
71
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,557
Shut the front door.
Are you messing with me?
72
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:33,938
He loves messing with me.
73
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,064
- Are you messing with me?
- I'm not.
74
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:38,442
God, you got to come over to Hawaii.
When are you gonna visit?
75
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,524
- Yeah.
- Hey, Kaylani! Come here!
76
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,734
I want you to meet someone
really special to me.
77
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:46,072
Someone I've been sleeping with
exclusively for the past six months.
78
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:47,655
Wow! Six whole months?
79
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,036
That's what I'm saying.
80
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,822
It's really special.
81
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,490
Aloha, Peter.
82
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,200
Hi.
83
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,002
Oh, okay.
84
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,226
I can feel your brother inside you.
85
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,182
I am inside you.
86
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,055
You are?
87
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,349
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
88
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,191
We're twins.
89
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,691
That's called a Honi.
90
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:27,241
That is a sacred Hawaiian greeting
91
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,946
that you just got.
92
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,201
Yeah.
93
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,704
Is that right?
94
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,031
So,
95
00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:36,458
how psyched are you for Mom
finding true love again?
96
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:37,835
It's awesome.
97
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,917
God, I just wish Dad
could've been here to see this.
98
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:42,339
Yeah.
99
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:44,925
Yo, Uncle Kyle!
100
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,001
Yeah?
101
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,177
You got to see this.
102
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:48,596
What's your boy's name?
103
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,965
It's Ethan.
104
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:54,180
You gotta meet Ethan.
He is the best kid. Come on!
105
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:13,909
Do you take this man
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
106
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,997
Do you take this woman
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
107
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:23,502
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
108
00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:26,209
- Beautiful!
- You may kiss the bride.
109
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:38,012
It's so nice to be here today.
110
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:42,642
There's a saying in Hawaii that goes
111
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,526
a little something like this...
112
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,112
That translates very simply as...
113
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:58,329
"Life is alive once more
inside of me
114
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,288
"from my love of you."
115
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,995
And, Gene,
116
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:06,542
my mother's life is so alive right now
117
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,004
with you inside her.
118
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,423
- Hey, now...
- So, I want to raise a toast.
119
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,383
To mean Gene...
120
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,892
And the greatest mom on earth.
121
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,600
Cheers! Hey, l'chaim, everybody!
122
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:23,065
Thank you, darling.
123
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:24,725
Cheers!
124
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:27,728
That went good.
125
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:28,942
What?
126
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,318
What?
127
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,444
Yes.
128
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,400
- No way!
- I'm serious.
129
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,114
Wait, wait, wait.
One more thing to say.
130
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,620
Wait, everybody hold on.
131
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,747
Forget about that 70 inch TV
we gave you,
132
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,500
because we've got another wedding gift.
133
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,416
You're finally gonna be a grandmother!
134
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,796
- Oh!
- Yeah.
135
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:48,215
Yes!
136
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,546
I mean, a grandmother again!
137
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,255
I'm sorry, Pete.
138
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,972
My life is so perfect!
139
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,686
...an elite squad
known as the Special Victims Unit.
140
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:05,940
These are their stories.
141
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,647
I told you, Detective,
I can press charges.
142
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,065
Out of respect for...
143
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,655
Shh. Let's cut to the chase, Nigel.
144
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:16,944
May I call you Nigel?
145
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,448
You see, Nigel...
146
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,542
I know that men have needs.
147
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:29,715
But when a wife can't fill those needs,
men have to look elsewhere.
148
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:31,334
Yes.
149
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,350
What the fuck?
150
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,227
- I need to talk to both of you guys.
- What?
151
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,357
Okay.
152
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:52,564
Mom, I need to talk to you.
153
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:53,940
- Oh, okay.
- Thanks.
154
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:57,193
- Boom!
- What a beauty.
155
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,323
Boy, she is such a good actress.
156
00:08:58,496 --> 00:08:59,532
Hot.
157
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,663
No, no, not her.
158
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,240
Boom.
159
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,326
- Now!
- Mmm-hmm?
160
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,830
Foot fetish.
161
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,340
I like this guy.
162
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:13,713
No, no, not that.
163
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,219
Don't you see the resemblance?
164
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,422
The resemblance to who?
165
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,011
Our father!
166
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,517
He's alive!
167
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,222
To our father?
168
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,763
Are you on acid right now, Pete?
169
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,478
No, Kyle, look at his birthmark.
170
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:31,109
Yeah, I'm looking.
171
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,690
Mom, can you tell him
this isn't our father?
172
00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:33,900
He isn't your father.
173
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:38,238
Mom, I've been looking at his picture
every day since I was four years old.
174
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,198
That birthmark is unmistakable!
175
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:41,452
Honey, is everything okay?
176
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:42,955
Well, Pete has, uh,
177
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,706
lost touch with reality.
178
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:47,084
The man in the photos I gave you
179
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,374
wasn't actually your father.
180
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:50,537
Okay, what?
181
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,622
What?
182
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,670
Okay, he was a friend of mine
from college.
183
00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,759
He was an English exchange student.
184
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,469
He went back after graduation.
185
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,635
I just thought you'd never see him.
186
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:04,802
He's not my dad?
187
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:07,562
He was studying to be a botanist,
for crying out loud.
188
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,189
He's an orphan,
189
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,941
and then he got colon cancer.
190
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,150
No.
191
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,273
I made up all those stories
about your father.
192
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,488
That he was an orphan,
that he came from England.
193
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,740
That he died of colon cancer.
194
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,622
- Wow.
- The truth is...
195
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:30,370
And I probably should've told you
a long time ago...
196
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,246
I think you should have.
197
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,168
I wasn't sure who your father was.
198
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,592
How does that work?
199
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,557
Yeah, how does that work?
200
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,260
Well,
201
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,103
you've got to understand...
202
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:51,186
It was the '70s.
It was the crazy '70s.
203
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,442
It was disco era.
204
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,360
I was a young girl living in New York.
205
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:57,317
And if you went partying in places
206
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,982
like Studio 54...
207
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,824
And, you know, everybody was high
and fucking...
208
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,785
And monogamy wasn't exactly a priority.
209
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:10,122
I mean, you just go in there
and the mood, it would...
210
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,082
Baby tonight
Hot stuff
211
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:13,291
Remember that?
212
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:14,792
And then, you know, you just...
213
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:16,582
- We get it.
- All these great people...
214
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,500
In exactly the
same situation you were,
215
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,544
feeling exactly the same thing
you were, and...
216
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,429
You would dance with them, you know...
217
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:26,218
And then you go and you just,
you know, you'd sleep with them.
218
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:29,307
It's true. The priority
was smoking weed and fucking.
219
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,470
Well, sure, yeah.
220
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,056
Studio 54?
221
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:34,099
- How awesome is that?
- Yeah.
222
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,480
Awesome?
223
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,360
You think this is awesome?
224
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,396
Well, it's not not awesome.
225
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:42,487
It helps to explain
my zest for love making.
226
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,617
I've always wondered
where I got that from.
227
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,414
Now we know.
228
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:51,792
I spent my whole life
trying to honor my father's memory.
229
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,206
And you have.
230
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:54,415
What memory?
231
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,419
I stare at assholes all day long
232
00:11:57,592 --> 00:12:00,801
because of a fictional man's
colon cancer.
233
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,508
Pete, could you pivot
into plastic surgery
234
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:05,968
or something less butt-related?
235
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,350
I mean, you're really smart,
I don't see why not.
236
00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:10,727
Kyle, how are you
not freaking out right now?
237
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:11,887
Okay, that's not fair!
238
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,431
You can't tell people how to freak out.
239
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,099
Now I want everybody to calm down,
all right?
240
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:18,519
I am so sorry, you guys,
but the light is going quickly.
241
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,153
It's the last chance
for family photos.
242
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:21,689
Not a good time, Annie!
243
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,317
It's a perfect time, Annie.
244
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,907
Okay, just get a little bit tighter
and we'll get a nice family shot.
245
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,366
Oh, you guys look so good.
Hold on.
246
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:30,789
This looks perfect.
247
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,075
Oh, so good!
248
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,126
That is going to be a good one.
249
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,286
You can't leave just yet.
250
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:37,875
We need Mom and her sons.
251
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,506
Oh, good idea.
252
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:41,417
Okay. Come back up here.
253
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,421
I'm gonna need you guys
looking forward...
254
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,055
Big smiles.
255
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:48,215
Perfect, Kyle.
256
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:49,850
Oh, my God, Dr. Reynolds...
257
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,432
This means he's out there.
258
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,604
He's out there somewhere.
259
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,855
Not now, Peter.
260
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,517
Dr. Reynolds, if I can get you
looking at the camera.
261
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,982
He's been out there this whole time.
262
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,689
That is true.
I mean, who do you think it was?
263
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:04,856
As we got older, surely...
264
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,115
Was there someone
that we started to remind you of?
265
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,027
Just stop it.
Will you just please stop it?
266
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:11,618
None of the men I was with
would have made a good father.
267
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,407
I was trying to protect you.
268
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,041
Protect yourself, more like.
269
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,248
Hey, wait a minute.
270
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:20,335
I need a name.
I think you owe me a name.
271
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:23,049
Hey, Reynolds!
272
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,090
Camera! Now!
273
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,213
Perfect.
274
00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:30,140
We got it.
275
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,263
Fucking thank you.
276
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,554
I can't talk about this now, Peter.
277
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,224
- Okay, she... Mom has spoken...
- What? What? What?
278
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,860
Pete, you're spinning out of control
literally.
279
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,237
Just calm down.
280
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:44,442
Stop telling me to calm down!
281
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:45,731
Okay?
282
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,945
I just need to know this!
283
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:50,695
Just give me something.
284
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:51,953
Please.
285
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,573
Terry Bradshaw.
286
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,836
Four time Super Bowl champion,
Terry Bradshaw?
287
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,213
Yeah.
288
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:03,965
The Enterprise Rent-A-Car spokesman,
Terry Bradshaw?
289
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,297
Fox sports TV commentator,
Terry Bradshaw?
290
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,007
Yep. Terry Bradshaw.
291
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,422
No, no, no.
292
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,256
That's insane!
293
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,760
We started dating
294
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,222
the fall of '74,
295
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,932
just after he gave up
296
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:20,270
his starting position to Joe Gilliam.
297
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,066
There's no way she would know
who Joe Gilliam was.
298
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,229
Pete!
299
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:27,568
Wait, Mom, this is...
300
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,407
Do you realize how incredible this is?
301
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,318
This is the guy you loved growing up!
302
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,829
Gene, he had every poster
on the wall!
303
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,490
- I know...
- Can I get a smile now?
304
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,249
Now, will you relax?
305
00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:40,411
- I love Terry Bradshaw.
- I know!
306
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,041
He's the greatest!
307
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,296
- Yeah.
- Yup.
308
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,332
Which raises the inevitable question...
309
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:48,048
Why did you not
310
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,087
tell us
311
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:52,972
that the coolest man on earth
was our father?
312
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,931
Well, he wasn't
313
00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:59,104
the man you saw on TV.
314
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,150
He was violent.
315
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,686
He hit you?
316
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:06,899
No.
317
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:10,028
But as a football player,
318
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:13,660
he was frequently violent.
319
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,037
As a football player?
320
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,822
Yeah, on Sundays.
321
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,165
Sometimes Monday nights.
322
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,328
Oh, on game days
323
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:23,666
he was violent...
I got it.
324
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,331
Yeah, 'cause that was his job.
325
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,173
That's what he did for a living!
326
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,718
Oh, my God!
327
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:33,426
Do you have any idea
what my life might have been like
328
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,215
with Terry Bradshaw in the picture?
329
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:38,010
I might even be in the NFL right now!
330
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,177
- Come on!
- We don't know!
331
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,971
You didn't even make
our middle school team.
332
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:42,981
That's because
I didn't have Terry Bradshaw
333
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,399
teaching me the fundamentals.
334
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:47,277
Oh, Peter, please, just please...
335
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:51,983
My life is basically crap right now,
336
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,777
and it's your fault.
337
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,112
That's not fair.
338
00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,994
Pete. Hey!
339
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,751
Mom, let me talk to him.
340
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:05,830
Hey, Pete!
341
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,214
Pete, come here for a second.
342
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:09,340
Hey, Pete, where are you going?
343
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,467
Come on, you got to apologize.
344
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,627
Apologize for what?
345
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,263
Well, you're being really tough on Mom.
346
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,760
Hey, what are you doing?
No! You're not driving.
347
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,474
Look, maybe I blew my stack at Mom.
348
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:23,392
It's just...
349
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,270
She kept Dad from us.
350
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:26,559
I know.
351
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:27,817
What the hell?
352
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:32,027
You know how many times
I just wanted to know him?
353
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,443
I just wanted him there to ask about...
354
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:39,113
Ethan, about Katherine, about...
355
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,953
About everything, you know?
356
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:43,333
Yeah, I know how much you wanted that.
357
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,416
Yeah, I don't think you do, man.
358
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,715
I can talk to him.
359
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,463
- Yeah.
- It's Terry Bradshaw.
360
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:00,600
I'm gonna go find him.
361
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:02,640
I'm gonna find Dad.
362
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:04,270
Great! Let's do it.
363
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,022
- Oh, no. You can't come.
- Oh, I'm coming.
364
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,182
You never gave a shit about Dad.
365
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,726
He's my father, too!
366
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,027
I don't take my orders from you.
367
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,605
I take them from the universe.
368
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:15,240
And the universe wants us
to go together.
369
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,695
You're not coming.
370
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,076
Wait, hold on, wait, who was that?
371
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,238
Hello, yes?
372
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,825
It's the universe?
373
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,080
Yeah.
374
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:26,209
You want me to go with my brother?
375
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,879
Pete doesn't want me to go.
376
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,127
Fuck him?
377
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,375
I know. You said it with a wink.
378
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,840
Okay. I love you, too.
379
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,263
That was the universe.
380
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,422
Now, where does he live?
381
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,383
Miami.
382
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:43,511
Done. Miami.
383
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:44,895
That's where we meet him.
384
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:48,895
- We're going to Miami.
- God damn it. Yes!
385
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,275
- Come on!
- Fine.
386
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,562
You can come, but don't be annoying.
387
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,780
Let me look at you. Kiss.
388
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,573
Okay, what's our plan?
389
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,208
Um, we're still in good shape.
390
00:18:07,378 --> 00:18:09,210
Mr. Bradshaw will be
391
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:13,715
at the grand opening
of North Miami Beach, Bradshaw Motors.
392
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,671
- Yeah.
- This afternoon.
393
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,632
Okay, well, that's where
we're gonna meet him.
394
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:18,712
Yup.
395
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:20,798
By the way, thank you
for letting me upgrade us.
396
00:18:20,975 --> 00:18:22,716
I think you're gonna love first class.
397
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:24,384
I think it's kind of a waste of money.
398
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:25,769
Not when it's my money.
399
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:30,683
Look, Pete, money is never wasted
when it's spent on the ones you love.
400
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:31,976
Like a brother.
401
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,235
Or a jet ski.
402
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,822
Or a party boat.
403
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:39,699
Push play. Can I see that?
404
00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,903
I hate to run.
But not running is worse.
405
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,322
So, if I've got to run,
it's going to be in the most...
406
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,661
Look at that Adonis.
407
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:48,916
That's our dad.
408
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,998
I can't believe it.
409
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,162
Mr. Reynolds...
410
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,501
Oh, and Mr. Reynolds.
411
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,624
- Are you guys married?
- No.
412
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,383
We're just watching some footage
on our father.
413
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:58,669
We're on our way to meet him
414
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,007
for the very first time.
415
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:03,345
So, we're a little nervous
and a whole lot excited.
416
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,429
Aren't you just
the sweetest thing.
417
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:06,969
If you think I'm sweet...
418
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,682
Let me introduce you to big bro here.
419
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,597
He is like a ripe, honeydew melon.
420
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,057
Ooh, a honeydew, huh?
421
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,267
I love honeydews.
422
00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,026
Yeah, they're really yummy.
423
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:16,403
They're delicious.
424
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:19,235
There is this thing, though,
you should know about fruit.
425
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,695
A lot of melons in particular.
The skin
426
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:24,156
is a breeding ground for bacteria.
427
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:27,573
E. coli and stuff. It's just something
to be aware of, you know.
428
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,662
Something to keep in mind
429
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:32,703
in your fruit-related endeavors
moving forward.
430
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,087
He's a doctor.
431
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,248
Always saving lives.
432
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,632
Oh, a doctor.
433
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:40,260
Dr. Reynolds.
434
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:41,841
- I'll be careful.
- Yes.
435
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:43,638
You're welcome. Be careful.
436
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,176
God!
437
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,594
What are you doing?
438
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:49,678
What?
439
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:51,104
You guys had some chemistry.
440
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,765
I was trying to facilitate it.
441
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,310
I think it's called being a wingman.
442
00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:59,571
I don't need a wingman. All right?
443
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,572
I'm not on this trip to get laid.
444
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:05,486
Come on. There was a little electricity
there between you two.
445
00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:06,736
Did you notice
446
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:08,746
a little chemistry there between them?
447
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,408
I bet she's a real cock tease.
448
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,368
Yeah, right. Stop projecting.
449
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:14,627
Listen,
450
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:18,006
how many women have you been with
since the divorce?
451
00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:19,082
Ten?
452
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:21,338
Yup. Ten.
453
00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:22,844
And it's been a year?
454
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:26,097
- Three.
- Ten in three years?
455
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,257
Yeah.
456
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:33,893
I'm really sorry. I had no idea.
457
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,773
I'm being sarcastic.
458
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,690
I haven't had sex with anyone
since Katherine.
459
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:43,528
I haven't had sex with anyone
besides Katherine.
460
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:45,033
We got married in college.
461
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:46,155
Remember?
462
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:47,444
What?
463
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,547
Welcome to
Miami International Airport.
464
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,255
Peter, Peter, Peter,
is it like a physical thing?
465
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,385
- What?
- Is it like a blood flow...
466
00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:05,671
God, no!
467
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,052
No, my penis is fine!
468
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:09,215
Well, what is the deal?
469
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:11,976
Ever since the divorce,
I've been a little depressed, okay?
470
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,933
That makes sense.
And it just...
471
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,849
Don't patronize me, okay?
You wouldn't know anything about that.
472
00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:19,894
Of course I do. You don't think I know
what it's like to be depressed?
473
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,562
The saddest I've ever
seen you is like...
474
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:25,027
I've never seen you sad!
475
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:27,113
- You can't get into a contest...
- That is actually sad.
476
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:28,276
...on who's more sad than the other guy.
477
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:29,360
That's weird!
478
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,825
No. It's weird that you keep...
479
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:33,991
Dr. Reynolds, good luck
meeting your father.
480
00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:36,660
Thanks. Good luck with your uniform.
481
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,249
No, I'm not going to let you
do that anymore.
482
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:43,416
Do what?
483
00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:45,836
Just deliberately self-sabotage. Okay?
484
00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:48,096
The top mission
is still bonding with Dad.
485
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:50,006
Sub-mission is getting you laid.
486
00:21:50,184 --> 00:21:53,097
Mission below that is gonna be
having stone crabs.
487
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:55,387
Mission below that,
swimming with dolphins.
488
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:03,771
Hey,
when we get to the dealership
489
00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:05,400
you have to do all the talking.
490
00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:08,450
You cannot be nervous, Peter.
He's a regular guy,
491
00:22:08,619 --> 00:22:10,110
just like us.
492
00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:11,953
There you go.
493
00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:13,158
Thank you.
494
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,914
Don't forget to buy a car.
495
00:22:15,084 --> 00:22:16,541
Just kidding.
496
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:17,951
Hey, fellas, how you doing?
497
00:22:18,212 --> 00:22:19,874
Hi, Terry Bradshaw.
498
00:22:20,047 --> 00:22:21,538
Yeah.
499
00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:30,964
Is he okay?
500
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,183
Aw! Bless his heart.
501
00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:36,511
You're one of my special fans,
aren't you?
502
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:37,679
Hey, bub.
503
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,806
How you doing? God bless you.
504
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:41,270
Oh, no. He's not special.
505
00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:43,150
No, no. I am special, Pete.
506
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,107
We're both special.
507
00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:51,367
Do I know you?
508
00:22:51,829 --> 00:22:54,037
Oh, I don't think so. I'd remember.
509
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:55,697
Really? Are you sure?
510
00:22:56,333 --> 00:22:58,620
You really do look familiar.
511
00:22:59,003 --> 00:23:00,084
- Show him.
- Y eah.
512
00:23:00,504 --> 00:23:01,745
Well, um...
513
00:23:02,298 --> 00:23:05,166
Do you remember a woman
named Helen Baxter?
514
00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:07,129
Helen Baxter?
515
00:23:08,262 --> 00:23:10,049
Helen Baxter...
516
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:12,009
Oh, my God.
517
00:23:14,852 --> 00:23:15,968
Wow.
518
00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:17,936
God.
519
00:23:18,355 --> 00:23:21,143
Well, talk about a blast from the past.
520
00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:26,027
This woman was something else.
521
00:23:27,281 --> 00:23:29,068
She had the tightest ass
you've ever seen.
522
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:30,527
I mean, awesome.
523
00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:32,738
Yeah, but Helen was much more than that.
524
00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:36,325
She had a mouth. Oh!
525
00:23:36,707 --> 00:23:39,165
And a tongue. Oh!
526
00:23:39,376 --> 00:23:41,538
And I'm telling you,
527
00:23:41,712 --> 00:23:44,045
it damn near cost us the Super Bowl.
528
00:23:44,214 --> 00:23:48,049
Well, Mom was a Browns fan so...
529
00:23:48,218 --> 00:23:49,959
Did you say that Helen is your mother?
530
00:23:50,054 --> 00:23:51,044
Yeah.
531
00:23:51,138 --> 00:23:54,097
Well, technically, I said it, sir,
because we're...
532
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:56,508
We're both her sons.
We're twins.
533
00:23:56,852 --> 00:23:58,434
You're Helen Baxter's son?
534
00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:01,062
We're both her boys, yes.
535
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:02,643
That is...
536
00:24:02,733 --> 00:24:04,941
That is what we are saying. Yes.
537
00:24:05,235 --> 00:24:06,396
How is she?
538
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:09,441
Well, she's great.
539
00:24:09,615 --> 00:24:12,449
You know, she, uh, just got married.
540
00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:15,952
And, uh, she's a lot different
than how you remember her.
541
00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:17,157
That's for sure.
542
00:24:17,247 --> 00:24:19,034
Just a little.
543
00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:20,707
Oh, my...
544
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,460
Say it.
545
00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:27,000
Say it.
546
00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:30,716
You're my son, aren't you?
547
00:24:32,554 --> 00:24:34,341
I think so.
548
00:24:34,515 --> 00:24:38,099
Well, technically, we both are because
like I was saying earlier, we're twins.
549
00:24:38,268 --> 00:24:39,759
We're both her sons.
550
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,224
You're my son.
551
00:24:42,690 --> 00:24:43,771
Yes.
552
00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:50,900
Come here. Come here.
553
00:24:51,073 --> 00:24:54,282
Oh, this is just amazing.
554
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,777
Oh, my God.
555
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,742
I had no idea
that she was even pregnant.
556
00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:06,252
You gotta believe me.
Helen never said a word.
557
00:25:06,422 --> 00:25:08,288
We know. Don't worry about it.
558
00:25:08,382 --> 00:25:09,498
I mean, I can't believe this.
559
00:25:09,591 --> 00:25:12,334
I mean, you guys have been out there
the whole time.
560
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,093
- It's really emotional.
- I know, yeah.
561
00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:16,637
I already have a son.
His name is Trent.
562
00:25:17,558 --> 00:25:19,140
He's kind of a nob.
Do you know what I'm saying?
563
00:25:19,309 --> 00:25:20,641
So is my son.
564
00:25:20,811 --> 00:25:22,928
Oh, man. Do you have any plans?
565
00:25:23,105 --> 00:25:24,186
You guys got anything to do?
566
00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:25,263
No.
567
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:26,893
Look, why don't you come
over to the house
568
00:25:27,067 --> 00:25:28,603
and we'll have some food and drinks.
569
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:29,893
- What do you say?
- That would be incredible.
570
00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:31,277
- Great. Yeah.
- Okay?
571
00:25:31,405 --> 00:25:32,521
Uh...
572
00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:34,355
Pete, why don't you ride with me.
573
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:37,071
And, Donald, you can just follow, okay?
574
00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:38,530
Okay. It's Kyle.
575
00:25:38,704 --> 00:25:39,694
Is this your car?
576
00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:42,455
Yeah. This is a '75 Stingray.
577
00:25:42,624 --> 00:25:45,037
- It's my favorite car! Literally!
- You like it? Really?
578
00:25:45,669 --> 00:25:47,661
Here. You drive.
579
00:25:47,838 --> 00:25:49,374
Donald, see if you can keep up.
580
00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:51,756
- It's still Kyle.
- Come on. Let's go.
581
00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:53,382
You like this, huh?
582
00:26:06,148 --> 00:26:08,481
This is amazing, Mr. Bradshaw!
583
00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:09,640
Please.
584
00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:12,105
Just call me Terry, okay?
585
00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:14,271
All right!
Well, then Terry it is!
586
00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:15,487
Whoo!
587
00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:17,782
Okay, take it easy, lead foot.
588
00:26:17,951 --> 00:26:19,863
I'm in a Ford Focus here.
589
00:26:20,913 --> 00:26:22,996
Damn it, slow it down!
590
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:41,263
Hey, hey, I'm home!
591
00:26:41,433 --> 00:26:42,890
Did you pick up the fresh garlic
I needed?
592
00:26:43,060 --> 00:26:44,426
The, uh, fresh garlic.
593
00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:47,437
No, I didn't get the fresh garlic.
Got something better, though.
594
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:48,813
What did you pick up?
595
00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:51,520
I picked up a son.
596
00:26:51,693 --> 00:26:53,059
Pete. Say hi, Pete.
597
00:26:53,153 --> 00:26:54,143
Hi.
598
00:26:54,238 --> 00:26:55,274
How are you?
599
00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:56,696
Pete.
600
00:26:58,951 --> 00:27:00,817
This is a joke.
Right?
601
00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:02,451
No, no, this is not a joke.
602
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:05,364
His mother and I used to have
unprotected sex all the time.
603
00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:07,954
Don't worry, Pete. All right?
She knows all about my crazy past.
604
00:27:08,961 --> 00:27:10,702
I'm Peter Reynolds.
So glad to meet you.
605
00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:13,337
It's nice to meet you, Peter.
606
00:27:13,507 --> 00:27:16,090
Sweetie, could I have a word with you
in the kitchen?
607
00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:17,967
- Me?
- Yeah.
608
00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:20,220
Hey, Pete, make yourself at home.
609
00:27:20,430 --> 00:27:22,672
My home is your home now.
610
00:27:22,850 --> 00:27:23,966
My home is your home now.
611
00:27:24,143 --> 00:27:25,475
- Can you believe I said that?
- Yeah, I heard that.
612
00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,101
I think we need to, kind of, just talk.
613
00:27:27,271 --> 00:27:28,887
What? What do you wanna talk...
614
00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:31,272
Listen, sweetie, this is insane, okay?
615
00:27:31,525 --> 00:27:34,268
You can't just invite somebody
into our home.
616
00:27:34,444 --> 00:27:37,403
I mean, he could be, like, a con artist
looking for money.
617
00:27:37,573 --> 00:27:39,235
- Money? You're serious?
- Yes. Did you think about...
618
00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:40,444
- Yes.
- No way.
619
00:27:40,534 --> 00:27:41,570
Pete!
620
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:43,280
Do you need money?
621
00:27:43,453 --> 00:27:45,695
Are you here to rob us?
622
00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:47,489
Oh, no, I'm good.
623
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,032
I'm a physician actually.
624
00:27:50,377 --> 00:27:51,834
Did you hear that?
625
00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:54,667
My boy is a doctor.
626
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,082
You're a doctor, son.
Proud of you!
627
00:27:57,259 --> 00:27:59,922
- Thanks!
- I've got a doctor in my family.
628
00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:02,508
Go deep, Pete! Deep, deep!
629
00:28:06,435 --> 00:28:08,097
Nice grab, Pete!
630
00:28:08,270 --> 00:28:10,057
Atta boy! Great catch, son.
631
00:28:10,272 --> 00:28:12,355
Way to go, babe.
632
00:28:14,026 --> 00:28:16,313
I gotta tell you, Pete.
633
00:28:16,486 --> 00:28:19,274
Had a bit of a colon cancer scare
a few years back.
634
00:28:19,489 --> 00:28:20,525
- Really?
- Yeah.
635
00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:23,863
Thank God I had a good GI doc.
636
00:28:24,036 --> 00:28:27,279
I know you guys, you know,
you catch a lot of guff.
637
00:28:27,456 --> 00:28:29,948
But, man, it's a noble profession.
638
00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:31,616
Noble as heck.
639
00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:35,085
Really appreciate you saying that.
640
00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:37,588
Really do.
641
00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:39,465
Be cool, man.
642
00:28:39,635 --> 00:28:41,718
You know, when I first came
into the league...
643
00:28:41,887 --> 00:28:43,924
I was a bit of a hot head.
644
00:28:44,097 --> 00:28:46,510
I mean, it didn't take so much
as a slight breeze,
645
00:28:46,683 --> 00:28:48,640
and God, I'd go off.
646
00:28:48,810 --> 00:28:50,551
Hey, say hello to this guy.
647
00:28:50,771 --> 00:28:53,263
Mr. Powder Keg. Horrible temper.
648
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:54,430
Shut the fuck up.
649
00:28:54,608 --> 00:28:55,598
Your mother, boy...
650
00:28:55,776 --> 00:28:59,110
She had this amazing patience about her.
651
00:28:59,446 --> 00:29:02,484
She had this way of channeling
all my anger
652
00:29:02,658 --> 00:29:04,240
into things that were good.
653
00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:06,947
Not only on the field,
but, you know, off the field.
654
00:29:07,788 --> 00:29:09,245
God!
655
00:29:09,414 --> 00:29:12,373
That woman just drove me
crazy sometimes.
656
00:29:12,834 --> 00:29:14,791
That sounds like Mom.
657
00:29:14,962 --> 00:29:16,419
I know one thing.
658
00:29:16,838 --> 00:29:19,000
I wouldn't have made it
through a single season
659
00:29:19,716 --> 00:29:21,582
had it not been for your mom.
660
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:22,750
That's the truth.
661
00:29:23,512 --> 00:29:25,344
God, I loved that woman.
662
00:29:25,514 --> 00:29:26,971
I really did.
663
00:29:27,266 --> 00:29:28,802
Wow.
664
00:29:30,310 --> 00:29:31,926
That's beautiful.
665
00:29:32,938 --> 00:29:33,928
Hey, Terry.
666
00:29:34,106 --> 00:29:37,065
Hey, you want to see someone
who can catch, hit me on a bomb.
667
00:29:37,317 --> 00:29:38,853
Go, go.
668
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:46,281
Oh!
669
00:29:47,577 --> 00:29:49,364
God!
670
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:53,281
Sorry, son.
671
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,366
Old habits die hard.
672
00:29:55,752 --> 00:29:57,664
Rod Hamilton.
673
00:29:57,838 --> 00:29:59,249
Big fan.
674
00:29:59,423 --> 00:30:01,130
I played 10 years with that guy.
675
00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:04,213
He missed me so much,
the bastard moved in next door.
676
00:30:04,469 --> 00:30:07,007
Hey! You still got it, Rod!
677
00:30:07,347 --> 00:30:08,679
He caught the ball.
678
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:11,845
I love it.
679
00:30:12,019 --> 00:30:14,261
He's still on the juice, baby.
680
00:30:14,438 --> 00:30:16,725
He's still on the juice.
681
00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:22,226
To Rod.
682
00:30:22,404 --> 00:30:24,111
Just demolished you.
683
00:30:24,281 --> 00:30:25,692
Son of a bitch.
684
00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:27,698
You need some Advil.
685
00:30:27,951 --> 00:30:29,032
Hey, Rod.
686
00:30:29,202 --> 00:30:31,990
Does the name Helen Baxter ring a bell?
687
00:30:32,164 --> 00:30:33,245
Ring a bell?
688
00:30:33,415 --> 00:30:35,202
It does more than ring a bell.
689
00:30:35,375 --> 00:30:37,162
I think I just came in my pants.
690
00:30:37,336 --> 00:30:38,952
- No, Rod...
- Damn, man.
691
00:30:39,129 --> 00:30:40,336
That woman could fuck.
692
00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:41,791
Oh, Rod, you really might...
693
00:30:41,965 --> 00:30:43,126
Look, the woman
694
00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:45,758
was like a dick whisperer.
695
00:30:45,927 --> 00:30:48,670
Like, she'd get all up inside
the head of the dick
696
00:30:48,847 --> 00:30:50,759
and know exactly what it wanted.
697
00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:53,219
Yeah, she'd get all up in that shaft,
698
00:30:53,393 --> 00:30:54,600
and then in them balls,
699
00:30:54,770 --> 00:30:56,853
and in the tip.
700
00:30:57,022 --> 00:30:59,810
Ooh. I'm getting hard
just thinking about it.
701
00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:02,600
So, what makes you think
about Helen Baxter?
702
00:31:02,778 --> 00:31:04,440
- She's our mom.
- Yeah.
703
00:31:05,781 --> 00:31:07,238
I don't know no Helen Baxter.
704
00:31:07,407 --> 00:31:08,488
Sounds like you did.
705
00:31:08,658 --> 00:31:10,149
All we did was cuddle.
706
00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:11,233
Word.
707
00:31:12,079 --> 00:31:15,288
It's okay, Rod,
you didn't know.
708
00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:17,995
It's a little awkward,
but, yeah, she's our mom.
709
00:31:18,168 --> 00:31:21,127
Hey, Rod, turns out...
710
00:31:21,296 --> 00:31:22,377
I'm their father.
711
00:31:22,547 --> 00:31:23,708
- That's right.
- How about that?
712
00:31:23,882 --> 00:31:25,589
These are my boys.
How about that?
713
00:31:25,759 --> 00:31:27,125
- Whoa!
- Yeah!
714
00:31:27,677 --> 00:31:29,043
Congratulations.
715
00:31:29,221 --> 00:31:30,428
Thank you. Cheers.
716
00:31:30,597 --> 00:31:34,261
Evidently, I knocked Helen up
sometime after Super Bowl IX.
717
00:31:34,434 --> 00:31:37,177
Yeah, we were reading,
that's when you went off to Australia
718
00:31:37,354 --> 00:31:39,346
to record the country and western album.
719
00:31:39,523 --> 00:31:42,812
Cowboys and Kangaroos,
I believe was the name.
720
00:31:42,984 --> 00:31:44,225
That shit was awful, wasn't it?
721
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:45,985
- You realize what that means...
- What?
722
00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:47,986
We were conceived in Australia.
723
00:31:48,156 --> 00:31:49,863
- Yeah.
- We're Aussies.
724
00:31:50,033 --> 00:31:51,069
Out in the outback.
725
00:31:51,159 --> 00:31:52,491
No, Pete.
726
00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:55,653
You know, now that I think of it...
727
00:31:55,831 --> 00:31:58,198
Helen didn't make that trip.
728
00:31:58,375 --> 00:32:00,082
We got in this big fight
729
00:32:00,252 --> 00:32:02,710
'cause she didn't have a passport.
730
00:32:02,879 --> 00:32:04,916
- God, I was such a jerk to her.
- Wait, wait.
731
00:32:05,424 --> 00:32:08,588
Isn't that when she started dating
the Wall Street guy?
732
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,001
Yeah, that skinny, white dude,
733
00:32:10,178 --> 00:32:11,714
he used to throw around
his money and coke.
734
00:32:11,805 --> 00:32:12,795
Roland.
735
00:32:12,889 --> 00:32:15,632
Yeah, yeah, Roland.
Roland Hunt, asshole.
736
00:32:15,809 --> 00:32:17,050
- Nobody liked him.
- No.
737
00:32:17,227 --> 00:32:18,308
Yeah.
738
00:32:19,855 --> 00:32:21,437
What? No.
739
00:32:22,899 --> 00:32:24,265
Terry.
740
00:32:24,526 --> 00:32:25,858
Come on.
741
00:32:26,027 --> 00:32:27,063
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, wait.
742
00:32:27,237 --> 00:32:28,227
Look at him.
743
00:32:31,032 --> 00:32:33,319
He actually looks like Roland.
744
00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:34,946
No, I don't.
745
00:32:35,704 --> 00:32:38,572
You know, you do, Pete.
746
00:32:40,208 --> 00:32:41,915
The, uh, eyes?
747
00:32:42,002 --> 00:32:42,992
The nose?
748
00:32:43,086 --> 00:32:44,167
The peanut head.
749
00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:45,498
The long, skinny neck.
750
00:32:45,839 --> 00:32:46,875
The mouth?
751
00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:48,255
Yeah. The mouth.
752
00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:50,124
No, he's right.
753
00:32:50,302 --> 00:32:52,339
You just said Roland was an asshole,
nobody liked him.
754
00:32:52,512 --> 00:32:53,878
Why would Mom sleep with him?
755
00:32:54,055 --> 00:32:56,217
Charity fuck? I don't know.
756
00:32:56,391 --> 00:32:58,724
No, no. We already figured this out.
757
00:32:58,894 --> 00:33:00,305
Terry is our dad.
758
00:33:00,479 --> 00:33:02,311
You're our dad, right?
759
00:33:08,361 --> 00:33:10,068
Uh... No.
760
00:33:10,530 --> 00:33:11,566
Gosh, fellas.
761
00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:15,149
I don't know what to say.
I'm so sorry I'm not your dad. Really.
762
00:33:15,327 --> 00:33:16,363
Yeah.
763
00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:18,660
Donald. Thanks.
764
00:33:18,747 --> 00:33:19,783
It's still Kyle.
765
00:33:19,956 --> 00:33:21,788
Was that fun, throwing the ball
on the beach?
766
00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:23,824
- So fun.
- You guys are good, good hands.
767
00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:25,459
I thought it was a blast.
768
00:33:25,629 --> 00:33:27,416
I love you, Terry.
769
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:29,580
Yeah. Okay.
770
00:33:29,758 --> 00:33:30,748
We'll see you down the road.
771
00:33:30,926 --> 00:33:33,168
All right, man. All right.
Y'all be good, hear?
772
00:33:33,345 --> 00:33:34,552
You take care, Mr. Bradshaw.
773
00:33:34,721 --> 00:33:35,802
I will.
774
00:33:35,972 --> 00:33:37,804
Hey, tell your mom I said hi.
All right?
775
00:33:37,974 --> 00:33:39,090
Yeah.
776
00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:41,551
All right. See you guys!
777
00:33:52,989 --> 00:33:55,697
Hey, maybe you'll get along
even better with Roland.
778
00:33:56,117 --> 00:33:59,235
Aren't you bummed out
Terry Bradshaw's not our dad?
779
00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:01,119
How fucking cool would that be?
780
00:34:01,289 --> 00:34:02,279
Listen...
781
00:34:02,457 --> 00:34:05,541
The universe is saying look 'em up.
782
00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:08,293
And the universe
has a tendency to point you
783
00:34:08,380 --> 00:34:10,292
in the right direction
if you listen to it.
784
00:34:18,974 --> 00:34:20,886
I found a Roland Hunt
785
00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:24,723
investment banker in Beacon, New York.
786
00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:26,432
Two hours north of Manhattan.
787
00:34:26,606 --> 00:34:29,189
All right,
looks like we're going to New York.
788
00:35:05,061 --> 00:35:06,177
Make it quick!
789
00:35:06,354 --> 00:35:07,936
I'm pulling out in 30 seconds.
790
00:35:08,231 --> 00:35:09,392
Time me.
791
00:35:09,983 --> 00:35:11,975
I want to get to Roland's office
by noon.
792
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,228
12. 13. 14.
793
00:35:22,495 --> 00:35:23,656
Alex, stop it.
794
00:35:23,830 --> 00:35:25,571
Stop it, Alex.
Get back here right now.
795
00:35:25,749 --> 00:35:27,661
No! It stinks!
796
00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:30,789
You got a jail break there.
797
00:35:30,962 --> 00:35:31,952
Sorry, man.
798
00:35:32,130 --> 00:35:35,089
I'd come out if I could.
Just let me know if he's bothering you.
799
00:35:35,258 --> 00:35:38,171
He's doing good.
I actually got a bun in the oven, too.
800
00:35:39,471 --> 00:35:41,428
Whoa. I got a call.
Alex, excuse me.
801
00:35:41,598 --> 00:35:42,805
Kapono, talk to me.
802
00:35:45,352 --> 00:35:47,639
What? No, no, you're breaking up.
803
00:35:49,939 --> 00:35:52,181
They're going another way?
804
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,141
What does that mean?
805
00:35:56,863 --> 00:35:58,946
Hey! Whoa, whoa! Hey! Whoa!
806
00:35:59,115 --> 00:36:00,231
I've got flip-flops on!
807
00:36:00,450 --> 00:36:02,692
- Is he peeing on you?
- Yeah, has he done this before?
808
00:36:02,869 --> 00:36:04,326
Unfortunately, yes.
It's a real problem.
809
00:36:04,496 --> 00:36:06,408
Sir, this is crazy, but
you're going to have to pee on my kid.
810
00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:07,822
You want me to pee on your kid?
811
00:36:07,999 --> 00:36:09,831
Please, dad to dad.
He needs to learn consequences.
812
00:36:10,043 --> 00:36:11,204
I'm not going to...
813
00:36:11,378 --> 00:36:13,620
Do you hear that Alex?
Is that what you want?
814
00:36:14,047 --> 00:36:15,288
Stop!
815
00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:17,214
There! Yeah.
816
00:36:18,134 --> 00:36:19,170
Chaos theory.
817
00:36:21,137 --> 00:36:22,173
He started it.
818
00:36:23,056 --> 00:36:25,764
I swear. This is justified.
819
00:36:29,938 --> 00:36:31,429
That kid had it coming.
820
00:36:46,121 --> 00:36:47,657
How much did Ethan cost?
821
00:36:48,915 --> 00:36:50,247
Well, we didn't buy him.
822
00:36:50,709 --> 00:36:52,792
To raise him.
I know you guys didn't buy him.
823
00:36:53,628 --> 00:36:55,460
Um... Well...
824
00:36:56,089 --> 00:36:57,330
Four more years of private school,
825
00:36:57,507 --> 00:37:00,545
four years of college,
tutors, summer camp.
826
00:37:01,803 --> 00:37:05,092
Every single Apple product
that ever comes out.
827
00:37:05,306 --> 00:37:08,265
Uh, all said and done,
we're probably pushing a mil.
828
00:37:08,435 --> 00:37:11,018
A million dollars?
829
00:37:11,271 --> 00:37:12,637
To raise a kid?
830
00:37:12,814 --> 00:37:14,680
What do you care?
You're loaded.
831
00:37:15,191 --> 00:37:16,307
Besides...
832
00:37:16,693 --> 00:37:20,437
"Money's never wasted
on the ones you love." Right?
833
00:37:20,613 --> 00:37:25,199
No, I know. I was just worried
about you and Ethan.
834
00:37:26,244 --> 00:37:28,987
Good thing
Roland's a financial wizard, right?
835
00:37:29,414 --> 00:37:30,905
I thought
we were going to his office.
836
00:37:30,999 --> 00:37:32,490
This is all residential.
837
00:37:32,667 --> 00:37:34,078
Maybe he works from home.
838
00:37:34,252 --> 00:37:36,539
Destination is on your right.
839
00:38:00,737 --> 00:38:01,727
Kyle, why are you copying me?
840
00:38:01,905 --> 00:38:03,112
- I just did that.
- I'm not copying you.
841
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:04,271
I did all of those things.
842
00:38:04,449 --> 00:38:06,315
You weren't touching this thing.
843
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:08,901
This is cold.
844
00:38:09,078 --> 00:38:10,159
So?
845
00:38:11,247 --> 00:38:14,331
I don't think anyone's been here
for hours.
846
00:38:15,919 --> 00:38:17,000
Door knob tell you that?
847
00:38:17,170 --> 00:38:18,286
These are painted shut.
848
00:38:18,463 --> 00:38:20,500
So, what?
Kyle, where are you going?
849
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,422
Come on! Kyle.
850
00:38:22,592 --> 00:38:23,582
This is locked.
851
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,592
Of course it's locked.
He's not home.
852
00:38:25,762 --> 00:38:27,128
Come on. What are you doing?
853
00:38:27,305 --> 00:38:28,421
You hear those vibrations?
854
00:38:28,598 --> 00:38:31,261
You're hearing vibrations?
'Cause I'm getting a weird vibe.
855
00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:34,393
Oh. Oh, God.
856
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:38,560
Looks like you picked
the wrong house, motherfuckers.
857
00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:39,894
Pete, don't do anything funny.
858
00:38:40,068 --> 00:38:41,149
Why would you put that in his head?
859
00:38:41,319 --> 00:38:42,309
No karate.
860
00:38:42,487 --> 00:38:44,194
Fucking no karate.
861
00:38:44,364 --> 00:38:46,026
I haven't done karate in 30 years.
862
00:38:46,199 --> 00:38:47,656
He's got a gun.
And that beats karate.
863
00:38:47,826 --> 00:38:48,907
Shut the fuck up.
864
00:38:51,663 --> 00:38:54,747
What the fuck kind of B&E guys
are you two assholes?
865
00:38:54,916 --> 00:38:56,032
We're not robbers.
866
00:38:56,209 --> 00:38:58,952
We're just looking for a guy
named Roland Hunt. That's it.
867
00:38:59,128 --> 00:39:00,539
What do you want with him?
868
00:39:00,713 --> 00:39:03,251
He dated our mom,
Helen Baxter, in the '70s.
869
00:39:03,633 --> 00:39:05,340
Oh, shit!
870
00:39:06,386 --> 00:39:09,470
You guys are Lenny Baxter's kids?
871
00:39:10,139 --> 00:39:11,425
You called her Lenny?
872
00:39:11,599 --> 00:39:13,716
You're, uh, Roland Hunt?
873
00:39:13,893 --> 00:39:17,227
I can't believe I almost shot
one of Lenny Baxter's kids!
874
00:39:17,397 --> 00:39:18,433
That is hilarious.
875
00:39:18,606 --> 00:39:19,972
And gave this one a heart attack.
876
00:39:20,149 --> 00:39:21,856
Yeah. Almost took you both out.
877
00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:24,143
Two for one.
878
00:39:24,863 --> 00:39:27,150
I mean, I guess you probably don't think
it's that funny, but...
879
00:39:27,323 --> 00:39:29,235
Oh, fuck, yeah, I'm sorry about the gun.
880
00:39:29,409 --> 00:39:31,617
Listen, I only got this
because we got a lot of break-ins
881
00:39:31,786 --> 00:39:33,698
in the neighborhood.
Got it for protection.
882
00:39:33,872 --> 00:39:35,283
Better safe than sorry.
883
00:39:35,456 --> 00:39:38,119
Honestly, I don't even like
holding the thing. Here, you take it.
884
00:39:38,293 --> 00:39:40,080
- No, no, no.
- Come on in the house, boys.
885
00:39:41,087 --> 00:39:42,794
I thought you were gonna flip him.
886
00:39:42,964 --> 00:39:44,705
You're dangerous.
887
00:39:47,010 --> 00:39:49,297
Mom! We got company!
888
00:39:49,971 --> 00:39:51,382
Mom!
889
00:39:52,849 --> 00:39:54,181
Mom!
890
00:39:54,893 --> 00:39:55,974
Could that be Grandma?
891
00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:57,141
Hello!
892
00:39:57,353 --> 00:39:58,389
Hi!
893
00:39:58,563 --> 00:40:00,475
Roland! They got a fucking gun!
894
00:40:00,648 --> 00:40:02,890
- No.
- Don't hold it like that.
895
00:40:03,067 --> 00:40:04,183
Drop the fucking gun, motherfucker.
896
00:40:04,444 --> 00:40:07,653
Fuck! It's just the gun you handed me,
like, a minute ago.
897
00:40:07,822 --> 00:40:10,189
Oh, right. Yes. God damn it.
So sorry. Shit!
898
00:40:10,450 --> 00:40:12,407
I don't know what's going on with me.
899
00:40:12,619 --> 00:40:14,576
It's tense with all the break-ins
in the neighborhood.
900
00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:16,237
I'm really sorry.
901
00:40:16,414 --> 00:40:19,031
Putting this down.
You should've seen your faces, though.
902
00:40:19,208 --> 00:40:20,790
You looked like you shit yourselves.
903
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,792
They looked scared as shit.
904
00:40:22,962 --> 00:40:24,624
Right?
905
00:40:24,881 --> 00:40:26,167
Come on and say hi to Mom.
906
00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:28,290
You're holding it in
such a threatening way.
907
00:40:28,468 --> 00:40:29,709
You can't do that.
908
00:40:29,886 --> 00:40:30,876
Hey, Mom, it's okay.
909
00:40:31,054 --> 00:40:33,171
These are Lenny Baxter's kids.
You remember Lenny?
910
00:40:33,348 --> 00:40:34,338
Oh, Lenny.
911
00:40:35,058 --> 00:40:36,799
What a sweet man!
912
00:40:37,018 --> 00:40:39,351
So, what are you doing here?
913
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,307
Is everything okay with your mom?
914
00:40:41,481 --> 00:40:43,063
Everything's good.
We're on a quest.
915
00:40:43,232 --> 00:40:45,599
And I'll just cut right to the chase.
916
00:40:45,777 --> 00:40:48,019
Did you know Lenny
917
00:40:48,196 --> 00:40:51,610
between April and May of 1975?
918
00:40:51,908 --> 00:40:53,649
Know her, like, in a biblical sense.
919
00:40:53,743 --> 00:40:54,733
Sorry.
920
00:40:54,911 --> 00:40:56,118
No, she's heard it all.
921
00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:57,494
Okay.
922
00:40:57,956 --> 00:41:00,198
Yeah. '75, that sounds about right.
Yeah.
923
00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:01,866
Why do you ask?
924
00:41:05,129 --> 00:41:06,916
We think we're your sons.
925
00:41:08,216 --> 00:41:09,798
Your boys.
926
00:41:09,968 --> 00:41:11,300
Me and Pete.
927
00:41:11,678 --> 00:41:13,340
You're our dad.
928
00:41:22,105 --> 00:41:23,095
Hi.
929
00:41:52,093 --> 00:41:55,757
Will you just excuse me for a minute?
930
00:42:02,603 --> 00:42:04,515
That was one of the most powerful things
I've ever seen.
931
00:42:04,856 --> 00:42:07,223
He just inhaled us.
932
00:42:07,316 --> 00:42:08,306
Yeah.
933
00:42:08,401 --> 00:42:09,562
Did you smell him?
934
00:42:09,736 --> 00:42:10,943
- You smelled him?
- Yes!
935
00:42:11,029 --> 00:42:12,065
What did he smell like?
936
00:42:12,238 --> 00:42:14,230
He smelled like...
937
00:42:14,407 --> 00:42:15,773
- Home.
- Home?
938
00:42:15,950 --> 00:42:17,612
Fuck this! No!
939
00:42:17,785 --> 00:42:21,028
There is no fucking way
those two jackasses are my kids!
940
00:42:21,205 --> 00:42:22,662
They don't even fucking look like me!
941
00:42:22,874 --> 00:42:25,412
The one with the beard
has your beautiful eyes.
942
00:42:25,585 --> 00:42:26,746
Big fucking deal.
943
00:42:26,919 --> 00:42:29,457
Fuck 'em! They look like
a couple of total fucking dickheads!
944
00:42:29,630 --> 00:42:32,668
We are not descended from that.
945
00:42:33,342 --> 00:42:34,674
That's not our dad.
946
00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:41,014
Would you boys like anything to drink?
947
00:42:41,184 --> 00:42:43,801
I would love a Hinano beer.
948
00:42:43,978 --> 00:42:45,765
I'll see if we have one.
949
00:42:45,938 --> 00:42:47,145
It's an awesome Tahitian beer.
950
00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:49,056
She is so adorable.
951
00:42:49,233 --> 00:42:50,440
I'm out of here.
952
00:42:50,610 --> 00:42:52,272
If he is our father,
I don't want to know.
953
00:42:52,445 --> 00:42:53,902
Come on, Pete.
954
00:42:54,072 --> 00:42:57,440
He's in shock, all right?
I'm getting good energy here.
955
00:42:57,617 --> 00:42:58,733
Based on what?
956
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:02,449
We are all out of Mojumbo.
957
00:43:02,622 --> 00:43:03,658
But...
958
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:08,121
Roland has something
that he'd like to say to you.
959
00:43:09,087 --> 00:43:10,248
I'm sorry.
960
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:12,963
I don't think they heard you.
961
00:43:14,383 --> 00:43:17,296
I'm sorry!
962
00:43:18,054 --> 00:43:19,386
Well, three times the charm.
963
00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:22,673
Oh, this is just such a blessing.
964
00:43:22,975 --> 00:43:25,137
I'm finally a grandma.
965
00:43:26,437 --> 00:43:28,349
Well, I'm gonna go finish up.
966
00:43:31,234 --> 00:43:32,896
Well, listen.
It's a pleasure. Really.
967
00:43:34,821 --> 00:43:37,234
Something I want to show you guys.
Come here.
968
00:43:38,157 --> 00:43:39,398
Go ahead, guys.
969
00:43:39,575 --> 00:43:40,941
After you.
970
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:43,827
Are you happy?
971
00:43:44,205 --> 00:43:45,491
He's gonna kill us down here.
972
00:43:45,665 --> 00:43:46,781
He's not going to kill us.
973
00:43:46,958 --> 00:43:48,574
Yes, he is.
974
00:43:48,751 --> 00:43:50,492
Is there a light down here?
975
00:43:50,670 --> 00:43:53,458
No, that bulb's out.
You can use your phone, I guess.
976
00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:54,747
Did you bring the gun?
977
00:43:54,924 --> 00:43:56,415
No, I did not bring the gun.
978
00:43:56,592 --> 00:43:57,708
- Damn it.
- I left it upstairs.
979
00:43:57,885 --> 00:43:59,376
Take a left
at the bottom of the stairs.
980
00:43:59,554 --> 00:44:01,045
Oh, my God.
981
00:44:01,222 --> 00:44:02,429
Why are there mannequins?
982
00:44:02,598 --> 00:44:04,214
Pete, I'm scared.
983
00:44:06,144 --> 00:44:07,931
How are the vibes now, Kyle?
984
00:44:08,437 --> 00:44:09,553
Not good.
985
00:44:11,983 --> 00:44:14,350
There we go. Now...
986
00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:17,603
I think this is it.
987
00:44:18,322 --> 00:44:19,779
Pete, you want to do the honors?
988
00:44:26,289 --> 00:44:27,825
Oh, shit!
989
00:44:29,458 --> 00:44:32,075
That is the wrong box.
990
00:44:32,170 --> 00:44:33,286
Sorry.
991
00:44:33,796 --> 00:44:35,287
Uh...
992
00:44:35,715 --> 00:44:37,581
Gotta be this one.
993
00:44:39,051 --> 00:44:40,167
Okay...
994
00:44:40,595 --> 00:44:42,382
I'll do it for you.
995
00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:44,341
No rodents.
996
00:44:45,099 --> 00:44:46,431
Go ahead.
997
00:44:49,312 --> 00:44:50,553
Is that Mom?
998
00:44:51,105 --> 00:44:52,186
What?
999
00:44:53,399 --> 00:44:54,515
Oh, my God.
1000
00:44:54,692 --> 00:44:56,399
Look at you guys.
1001
00:44:56,569 --> 00:44:58,231
You look incredible.
1002
00:44:58,738 --> 00:45:00,229
Yeah, she looks really happy.
1003
00:45:00,406 --> 00:45:02,272
She was
1004
00:45:03,159 --> 00:45:05,151
just an amazing woman.
1005
00:45:05,912 --> 00:45:07,073
Okay.
1006
00:45:07,914 --> 00:45:11,703
You don't have to tell us
what an amazing lay she was,
1007
00:45:11,876 --> 00:45:15,540
and how suckable
her candied nipples are.
1008
00:45:15,713 --> 00:45:16,703
What the hell is the matter...
1009
00:45:16,881 --> 00:45:19,214
This is your mom we're talking about.
Jesus.
1010
00:45:19,383 --> 00:45:21,215
Pete! That's not appropriate!
1011
00:45:21,385 --> 00:45:22,375
Sorry, Roland.
1012
00:45:22,553 --> 00:45:23,589
Whatever, anyway.
1013
00:45:23,930 --> 00:45:26,388
My point being,
1014
00:45:27,183 --> 00:45:30,017
she's the only woman I ever truly loved.
1015
00:45:31,354 --> 00:45:32,344
Oh, man.
1016
00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:35,769
I think that's why I got
a little, kind of,
1017
00:45:35,942 --> 00:45:40,357
bent out of shape upstairs there when
you guys dropped the bombshell on me.
1018
00:45:40,529 --> 00:45:43,237
Honestly, I was just kind of
1019
00:45:44,116 --> 00:45:46,779
regretting what might have been.
1020
00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:48,910
Hmm.
1021
00:45:49,247 --> 00:45:51,580
I mean, I'm not
exactly living the dream here.
1022
00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:53,415
Sometimes, um...
1023
00:45:56,087 --> 00:45:57,703
You just...
1024
00:45:58,464 --> 00:46:02,834
Sometimes you just find yourself
not where you want to be.
1025
00:46:05,638 --> 00:46:06,799
Yeah. I'm sorry.
1026
00:46:06,973 --> 00:46:08,464
Thanks, Pete.
1027
00:46:11,435 --> 00:46:13,552
Well, I got a work thing, guys.
I gotta go. Sorry.
1028
00:46:13,729 --> 00:46:16,346
What, you got like a little Wall Street
deal going on?
1029
00:46:16,524 --> 00:46:17,935
No. I'll tell you
what I've learned.
1030
00:46:18,109 --> 00:46:20,317
You've got to diversify.
1031
00:46:20,486 --> 00:46:23,274
And I don't care if you're making
10 grand a year or 10 million.
1032
00:46:23,447 --> 00:46:25,154
You don't want it
all coming from one place.
1033
00:46:25,324 --> 00:46:26,781
That's how guys get burned.
1034
00:46:26,951 --> 00:46:27,987
Really?
1035
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:30,698
Oh, yeah. Don't want
all your eggs in one basket.
1036
00:46:32,540 --> 00:46:33,747
Come on.
1037
00:46:35,751 --> 00:46:38,334
Lately, I've been doing
a lot of work with creditors.
1038
00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:41,292
Helping them to reacquire merchandise
1039
00:46:41,465 --> 00:46:44,333
when the debtor can no longer
afford the payments.
1040
00:46:44,510 --> 00:46:45,842
Oh, like a repo man.
1041
00:46:46,012 --> 00:46:47,002
Yeah, exactly.
1042
00:46:47,179 --> 00:46:49,592
Of course now, I gotta call a
fucking cab just to do this job.
1043
00:46:49,765 --> 00:46:51,882
We can give you a ride, right?
1044
00:46:52,059 --> 00:46:53,595
Oh, no,
I couldn't impose on you guys.
1045
00:46:53,769 --> 00:46:54,759
Oh, come on.
1046
00:46:54,937 --> 00:46:56,974
Besides, it can be dangerous,
repo work.
1047
00:46:57,148 --> 00:46:58,980
You know, people don't like
having their stuff taken from them.
1048
00:46:59,150 --> 00:47:01,858
Hey, people don't like
having their anuses probed either,
1049
00:47:02,028 --> 00:47:05,192
but that's how I've made a living
the last 12 years.
1050
00:47:06,657 --> 00:47:08,148
As a doctor.
1051
00:47:08,784 --> 00:47:09,865
Oh.
1052
00:47:09,952 --> 00:47:12,990
Come on. Let us help you.
1053
00:47:13,873 --> 00:47:15,364
So, what happens
1054
00:47:16,208 --> 00:47:18,291
if they show up while you're doing this?
1055
00:47:20,004 --> 00:47:22,246
Hope for the best,
prepare for the worst, you know?
1056
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:24,297
If he does show up,
1057
00:47:24,467 --> 00:47:26,925
you can expect to hear
some top-shelf bullshit.
1058
00:47:27,094 --> 00:47:28,084
Is that right?
1059
00:47:28,262 --> 00:47:31,050
"Repossessed?
I've never even missed a payment!
1060
00:47:31,223 --> 00:47:33,385
"Got to be a computer error."
1061
00:47:33,559 --> 00:47:35,391
That is classic bullshit.
1062
00:47:35,561 --> 00:47:37,143
They're late
on their child support...
1063
00:47:38,189 --> 00:47:39,771
They'll even deny they have kids.
1064
00:47:39,857 --> 00:47:40,893
What?
1065
00:47:41,067 --> 00:47:43,104
God! Just sick.
1066
00:47:45,654 --> 00:47:47,566
Got to love that sound, huh, Pete?
1067
00:47:48,199 --> 00:47:49,189
- There you go.
- Oh, wow.
1068
00:47:49,367 --> 00:47:50,983
Plus, there's only going to be room
for two of us, so who draws...
1069
00:47:51,077 --> 00:47:52,067
Shotgun!
1070
00:47:52,161 --> 00:47:53,402
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.
1071
00:47:53,579 --> 00:47:56,743
No, no. No worries.
We're within our legal rights here.
1072
00:47:57,291 --> 00:47:58,907
Just doing our jobs.
1073
00:48:00,044 --> 00:48:01,330
What the fuck you doing
to my property?
1074
00:48:01,504 --> 00:48:02,585
Your car's being repossessed.
1075
00:48:02,755 --> 00:48:05,623
I'd advise you to just stand back
and let us do our jobs.
1076
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:09,965
You're going to repossess my car?
I've never missed a single payment.
1077
00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:12,087
Guys, this has got to be
some kind of computer error.
1078
00:48:12,264 --> 00:48:13,846
Check your little computer things,
and you'll find out.
1079
00:48:14,016 --> 00:48:15,097
Two for two.
1080
00:48:15,351 --> 00:48:16,808
My God!
1081
00:48:17,186 --> 00:48:20,179
Word on the street is you even missed
your child support payments.
1082
00:48:20,272 --> 00:48:21,262
Come on, man.
1083
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:23,022
Hey, genius, I don't have any kids.
1084
00:48:23,192 --> 00:48:25,024
I'm sorry. Paying your bills...
1085
00:48:25,194 --> 00:48:27,060
Very basic adult responsibility.
1086
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:29,195
- Yup. Well said, Pete.
- Thank you.
1087
00:48:29,365 --> 00:48:30,901
This is insanity.
I'm calling the police.
1088
00:48:31,075 --> 00:48:33,158
Well, feel free, but it is going to be
pretty embarrassing
1089
00:48:33,327 --> 00:48:34,943
when I show them the paperwork.
1090
00:48:35,704 --> 00:48:37,115
I left it in the car.
1091
00:48:37,289 --> 00:48:38,279
Kyle, can I have the keys?
1092
00:48:38,374 --> 00:48:39,660
And I'll run down there and get it.
1093
00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:40,786
Give him the keys.
1094
00:48:40,876 --> 00:48:44,870
Thank you. And make sure
they don't escape in the old Ferrari.
1095
00:48:45,047 --> 00:48:46,208
Make sure I don't steal my own car.
1096
00:48:46,382 --> 00:48:47,372
We got this. We got this.
1097
00:48:47,550 --> 00:48:48,836
- Yeah, Pete's got this.
- Deadbeat asshole.
1098
00:48:49,009 --> 00:48:50,170
Are you fucking kidding me?
1099
00:48:50,845 --> 00:48:53,553
Let me tell you something, McEnroe...
1100
00:48:53,848 --> 00:48:55,464
You're not too big to fail.
1101
00:48:55,641 --> 00:48:56,927
That's right.
1102
00:48:57,101 --> 00:48:58,342
You failed today.
1103
00:48:58,602 --> 00:49:00,514
Because we're taking your Ferrari.
1104
00:49:01,313 --> 00:49:03,680
You just double faulted.
1105
00:49:03,858 --> 00:49:06,646
And the bank broke your serve.
1106
00:49:07,486 --> 00:49:08,693
- You know what, buddy?
- What?
1107
00:49:08,863 --> 00:49:12,197
Life isn't about
just accumulating stuff.
1108
00:49:12,366 --> 00:49:13,402
All right?
1109
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:17,028
The fast cars
and the big house in Hawaii,
1110
00:49:17,204 --> 00:49:18,411
and the white clothes,
1111
00:49:18,581 --> 00:49:19,571
and the model girlfriend.
1112
00:49:19,748 --> 00:49:20,989
This is freaking New York!
1113
00:49:21,167 --> 00:49:22,999
This is my wife. Hello.
1114
00:49:23,169 --> 00:49:24,705
You think I'm a model?
1115
00:49:24,879 --> 00:49:27,337
Well, he doesn't think you're a model,
you're five-two.
1116
00:49:27,506 --> 00:49:28,622
Yeah, she's got a wedding ring.
1117
00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:30,415
I didn't see the wedding ring.
1118
00:49:30,593 --> 00:49:32,380
Oh, my God. You know what?
1119
00:49:32,553 --> 00:49:34,886
This ain't worth it.
Fine, you guys are right.
1120
00:49:35,055 --> 00:49:37,263
I'll just cut you a check.
Could we just end this, please?
1121
00:49:38,100 --> 00:49:39,636
Do me a favor, go get the check book.
1122
00:49:39,810 --> 00:49:41,142
It's in the closet.
My side of the bed, please?
1123
00:49:41,312 --> 00:49:42,302
- Okay.
- Thank you.
1124
00:49:42,813 --> 00:49:43,894
All good.
1125
00:49:44,398 --> 00:49:46,014
Yeah, it's me.
That Ferrari didn't work out.
1126
00:49:46,192 --> 00:49:49,651
You know anybody who can move
a Chevy Malibu?
1127
00:49:49,820 --> 00:49:51,356
All right, call me back.
1128
00:49:56,243 --> 00:49:58,155
You gotta be kidding me.
1129
00:50:04,251 --> 00:50:05,787
Damn it, Lenny.
1130
00:50:06,837 --> 00:50:08,499
Where's Roland?
1131
00:50:08,839 --> 00:50:09,829
He's coming.
1132
00:50:10,007 --> 00:50:10,997
- Honey!
- Yeah?
1133
00:50:11,175 --> 00:50:12,256
I've got the check book.
1134
00:50:12,426 --> 00:50:13,883
Great.
1135
00:50:15,054 --> 00:50:16,044
Come on, let's go!
1136
00:50:16,138 --> 00:50:17,128
Give me the gun. Don't point it at me!
1137
00:50:17,306 --> 00:50:18,547
- We're taking the Ferrari!
- Pete!
1138
00:50:18,807 --> 00:50:19,797
Do it for Dad!
1139
00:50:19,975 --> 00:50:21,011
Come on!
1140
00:50:21,101 --> 00:50:22,137
Babe, give me the gun!
1141
00:50:22,978 --> 00:50:24,640
- Shit!
- Go, go, go!
1142
00:50:25,606 --> 00:50:27,188
Let go of the fucking gun!
1143
00:50:27,358 --> 00:50:28,565
Stop!
1144
00:50:31,111 --> 00:50:32,147
Roland, we got it!
1145
00:50:32,321 --> 00:50:34,404
We got the car!
1146
00:50:35,950 --> 00:50:37,031
Stop!
1147
00:50:38,953 --> 00:50:40,285
Oh, shit.
1148
00:50:40,371 --> 00:50:41,361
God!
1149
00:50:41,455 --> 00:50:42,491
What was that?
1150
00:50:42,581 --> 00:50:44,322
I think it was a person.
1151
00:50:45,417 --> 00:50:46,407
Roland!
1152
00:50:46,585 --> 00:50:47,746
Oh, my God, you killed Dad!
1153
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:49,036
- Roland!
- Dad!
1154
00:50:49,213 --> 00:50:50,579
Dial 911!
1155
00:50:54,134 --> 00:50:55,841
So, I guess Dad's a bad guy.
1156
00:50:56,011 --> 00:50:57,343
Oh, yeah.
1157
00:50:59,515 --> 00:51:01,882
I understand how
Luke Skywalker felt now.
1158
00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:03,766
Yeah, seriously.
1159
00:51:04,645 --> 00:51:06,637
She's really beautiful.
1160
00:51:07,898 --> 00:51:10,106
She looks great here.
1161
00:51:10,276 --> 00:51:11,266
Glowing.
1162
00:51:11,443 --> 00:51:13,526
Roland even looks good.
Who's this...
1163
00:51:14,154 --> 00:51:17,272
This guy
with the scratched out face?
1164
00:51:20,244 --> 00:51:21,234
Excuse me, doc.
1165
00:51:21,745 --> 00:51:23,486
Doc, any word?
1166
00:51:24,290 --> 00:51:27,158
Well, the good news
is that he's in a stable condition.
1167
00:51:27,334 --> 00:51:28,370
- Great!
- Okay. All right.
1168
00:51:28,544 --> 00:51:29,705
The bad news, however
1169
00:51:29,878 --> 00:51:31,710
is that his blood is AB positive.
1170
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:32,996
What? That doesn't sound...
1171
00:51:33,173 --> 00:51:34,254
No, no, it's just that
1172
00:51:34,425 --> 00:51:36,462
the blood you gave is O negative.
1173
00:51:36,635 --> 00:51:39,673
Negative? Mine is?
1174
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:42,305
It means that
1175
00:51:42,474 --> 00:51:44,386
he can't be our father.
1176
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:46,096
Genetically.
1177
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:49,137
You can go in
and see him if you like.
1178
00:51:50,190 --> 00:51:51,306
Thank you.
1179
00:51:55,946 --> 00:51:59,485
You're awake.
How you doing there, champ?
1180
00:51:59,575 --> 00:52:01,362
Mmm, feeling no pain.
1181
00:52:01,535 --> 00:52:02,525
Yeah.
1182
00:52:03,495 --> 00:52:05,361
Sorry we ran over you.
1183
00:52:05,539 --> 00:52:07,496
And sorry you're going to jail.
1184
00:52:08,208 --> 00:52:09,744
Be good to get off
the hamster wheel.
1185
00:52:09,918 --> 00:52:10,908
I hear ya.
1186
00:52:11,086 --> 00:52:12,418
Hey, Roland,
let me ask you something.
1187
00:52:14,173 --> 00:52:15,880
When did you know
1188
00:52:16,634 --> 00:52:17,795
that we weren't yours?
1189
00:52:18,886 --> 00:52:20,002
I don't know,
1190
00:52:20,179 --> 00:52:22,011
like, two minutes ago
when the doc told me.
1191
00:52:22,181 --> 00:52:23,217
Unbelievable.
1192
00:52:23,599 --> 00:52:24,680
So, as far as you knew,
1193
00:52:24,850 --> 00:52:29,595
you were intentionally duping
your own sons into committing a felony?
1194
00:52:30,022 --> 00:52:33,766
Yeah. So? Whatever.
Don't be such a fucking pussy about it.
1195
00:52:33,942 --> 00:52:37,561
My dad was an asshole, too.
He ran out, he was a crook.
1196
00:52:37,738 --> 00:52:39,149
Life sucks. Life is hard.
1197
00:52:39,323 --> 00:52:40,313
Get over it.
1198
00:52:40,491 --> 00:52:42,653
Life is hard, Pete.
1199
00:52:43,369 --> 00:52:45,782
Wait a minute. You know what?
1200
00:52:46,538 --> 00:52:49,827
Fuck! I should've known you guys
weren't mine.
1201
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:51,207
'75 you said, right?
1202
00:52:51,377 --> 00:52:52,663
Spring of '75?
1203
00:52:52,753 --> 00:52:53,834
Right.
1204
00:52:54,213 --> 00:52:56,671
I started dating Lenny in '74.
1205
00:52:56,840 --> 00:53:00,959
By the spring of '75,
I was doing my first stint in the joint.
1206
00:53:01,136 --> 00:53:02,968
I got busted dealing coke
in this nightclub
1207
00:53:03,138 --> 00:53:07,382
by some fucking disco-permed,
roller-skating, motherfucking narc.
1208
00:53:07,476 --> 00:53:08,592
Wait.
1209
00:53:10,854 --> 00:53:11,970
You mean this guy.
1210
00:53:12,147 --> 00:53:13,388
Yeah. That's the guy.
1211
00:53:13,565 --> 00:53:15,807
I don't know what pissed me off more,
he put me in jail,
1212
00:53:15,984 --> 00:53:19,477
or he started schtupping your mom
the second I was behind bars.
1213
00:53:19,655 --> 00:53:21,863
This guy was schtupping our mother?
1214
00:53:21,949 --> 00:53:23,690
Hey.
1215
00:53:24,743 --> 00:53:27,486
That guy is your fucking dad.
1216
00:53:27,663 --> 00:53:30,326
I should've known.
You look like a couple of junior narcs.
1217
00:53:30,499 --> 00:53:31,865
Well, do you have a name?
1218
00:53:32,793 --> 00:53:34,250
Give me 1,000 bucks and I'll tell you.
1219
00:53:34,420 --> 00:53:35,956
Fuck you! Come on, Kyle.
1220
00:53:36,130 --> 00:53:37,746
Okay, nice meeting you.
1221
00:53:37,923 --> 00:53:39,084
Roland...
1222
00:53:43,345 --> 00:53:45,712
Would you take 400?
1223
00:53:45,931 --> 00:53:47,672
- Sparkly P?
- Yup.
1224
00:53:47,850 --> 00:53:52,686
You just paid Roland
$1,000 for the name Sparkly P!
1225
00:53:52,855 --> 00:53:54,187
You got conned, Kyle!
1226
00:53:54,356 --> 00:53:56,894
I paid him 680 and I had 1,000.
1227
00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:59,559
I conned him. Yeah!
1228
00:53:59,737 --> 00:54:01,979
And now I think we're ready
to make a little inquiry
1229
00:54:02,156 --> 00:54:04,068
into this Sparkly P character.
1230
00:54:04,241 --> 00:54:06,699
Yeah? Where?
The white pages? Huh?
1231
00:54:06,869 --> 00:54:08,826
The glitter store?
1232
00:54:08,996 --> 00:54:11,534
Do you realize how insane you sound?
1233
00:54:11,707 --> 00:54:13,664
We're going home!
1234
00:54:13,834 --> 00:54:15,075
You're just gonna give up?
1235
00:54:15,252 --> 00:54:16,663
We almost got killed!
1236
00:54:16,837 --> 00:54:19,830
We? Roland almost got killed.
What are you talking about?
1237
00:54:20,007 --> 00:54:21,839
We just had one of the best adventures
of our lives.
1238
00:54:22,009 --> 00:54:22,999
No, we didn't.
1239
00:54:23,177 --> 00:54:26,591
What happened to Mr.
"I won't rest until we find our dad"?
1240
00:54:26,764 --> 00:54:28,847
The universe doesn't
like quitters, Pete.
1241
00:54:29,016 --> 00:54:32,805
You know what? Fuck the universe!
The universe sucks!
1242
00:54:32,978 --> 00:54:34,890
- Don't say that.
- You realize this whole time...
1243
00:54:35,063 --> 00:54:39,353
It's been telling us it's time
to shut down Operation Who's Your Daddy?
1244
00:54:39,526 --> 00:54:41,233
That's a good name for it, Pete.
1245
00:54:41,403 --> 00:54:43,520
That's a good name for the quest!
1246
00:54:45,199 --> 00:54:48,909
But before we close the book on
Operation Who's Your Daddy,
1247
00:54:49,077 --> 00:54:50,284
let me say one thing, Pete...
1248
00:54:50,454 --> 00:54:53,117
It's too late.
Kyle, book is closed.
1249
00:54:53,290 --> 00:54:54,326
- That's it?
- Yup. That's it.
1250
00:54:54,500 --> 00:54:56,492
- You don't want to hear it?
- No!
1251
00:54:56,668 --> 00:54:59,160
I got us on the 10:00 p. m.
flight out of JFK.
1252
00:54:59,338 --> 00:55:00,670
That is what we're doing.
1253
00:55:02,132 --> 00:55:03,213
Look at this poor guy.
1254
00:55:03,383 --> 00:55:05,500
No one will even give him
the time of day.
1255
00:55:05,677 --> 00:55:07,964
Well, we're not stopping.
We're not picking up a hitchhiker.
1256
00:55:08,138 --> 00:55:09,925
What do you think is gonna happen?
1257
00:55:10,140 --> 00:55:13,474
You think he's gonna
just murder you, rob you, rape you?
1258
00:55:13,644 --> 00:55:14,885
Yeah. All three.
1259
00:55:15,062 --> 00:55:16,974
Okay, all of the above.
Look at him.
1260
00:55:17,147 --> 00:55:18,433
I am looking at him.
1261
00:55:19,191 --> 00:55:20,648
You know somebody your whole life,
1262
00:55:21,318 --> 00:55:24,777
and then you wake up and you realize
you've been lying next to a racist.
1263
00:55:25,364 --> 00:55:28,448
What? It's not 'cause he's black.
It's 'cause he's a stranger,
1264
00:55:28,617 --> 00:55:32,486
and a hitchhiker and could very easily
be a serial killer.
1265
00:55:32,704 --> 00:55:35,913
There are no black serial killers, Pete.
1266
00:55:36,083 --> 00:55:37,164
That's a fact.
1267
00:55:37,334 --> 00:55:38,916
Just don't make
eye contact, please?
1268
00:55:39,086 --> 00:55:40,793
Because then I'll have to pull over,
1269
00:55:40,963 --> 00:55:44,377
and it'll be awkward and we'll have to
give him a ride and all that.
1270
00:55:44,842 --> 00:55:47,050
You're looking in his direction.
1271
00:55:47,219 --> 00:55:48,209
I'm not looking.
1272
00:55:48,387 --> 00:55:49,377
You're totally turning your head.
1273
00:55:49,555 --> 00:55:50,545
My eyes are wandering.
1274
00:55:50,639 --> 00:55:51,629
I'm watching you.
1275
00:55:51,723 --> 00:55:52,759
Look this way.
1276
00:55:52,933 --> 00:55:54,845
- Pete, I'm not looking.
- Look out the left.
1277
00:55:55,018 --> 00:55:57,260
- You're totally looking right at him.
- My peripheral vision.
1278
00:55:58,730 --> 00:56:00,221
Oh, God damn it!
1279
00:56:00,399 --> 00:56:01,810
What? I didn't look at him!
1280
00:56:01,984 --> 00:56:04,021
- Ah, he got me.
- What?
1281
00:56:04,987 --> 00:56:07,650
I blew it. That one's on me.
1282
00:56:08,156 --> 00:56:09,317
- You made eye contact?
- Yeah.
1283
00:56:09,491 --> 00:56:10,481
Shit.
1284
00:56:10,659 --> 00:56:13,242
We're still not picking him up
so let him down easy.
1285
00:56:13,453 --> 00:56:14,569
Hey, how you doing?
1286
00:56:14,746 --> 00:56:16,578
You stopped. Thank you.
1287
00:56:16,748 --> 00:56:18,364
Thank you. Thank you both.
1288
00:56:18,458 --> 00:56:19,494
Thank you so much.
1289
00:56:19,585 --> 00:56:20,701
Even if you don't give me a ride,
1290
00:56:21,044 --> 00:56:23,001
thank you just for stopping.
1291
00:56:23,171 --> 00:56:25,584
I was beginning to think
black was the new invisible out here.
1292
00:56:25,757 --> 00:56:27,589
You know what I mean?
The gesture means a lot.
1293
00:56:27,801 --> 00:56:28,791
Where are you headed?
1294
00:56:29,303 --> 00:56:30,839
North. Worcester, Mass.
1295
00:56:31,013 --> 00:56:33,130
Just trying to get to my kid's
birthday tomorrow.
1296
00:56:33,307 --> 00:56:35,219
We're really sorry.
We're going south.
1297
00:56:35,392 --> 00:56:37,679
We're going to JFK, so...
1298
00:56:37,853 --> 00:56:38,843
How about this?
1299
00:56:39,021 --> 00:56:40,353
There's a train station...
1300
00:56:40,522 --> 00:56:42,263
Uh, it's like two miles south.
You take me there?
1301
00:56:42,441 --> 00:56:43,431
Now, I don't see why...
1302
00:56:43,609 --> 00:56:44,725
Are you fucking crazy?
1303
00:56:44,902 --> 00:56:46,894
I'm gonna have to ask you, uh...
1304
00:56:47,070 --> 00:56:48,402
We got a Nervous Nelly here.
1305
00:56:48,572 --> 00:56:51,110
So I know this is gonna sound
like a funny question,
1306
00:56:51,283 --> 00:56:53,024
but are you a serial killer?
1307
00:56:54,912 --> 00:56:55,948
No. No.
1308
00:56:56,121 --> 00:56:58,078
I get it.
There's a lot of nuts out there.
1309
00:56:58,248 --> 00:57:00,285
I am a stranger, I am a hitchhiker...
1310
00:57:00,459 --> 00:57:01,495
Satisfied?
1311
00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:05,457
...but I swear to you,
I am not a serial killer.
1312
00:57:05,589 --> 00:57:06,705
Hmm...
1313
00:57:06,798 --> 00:57:09,085
Well, did you notice how you emphasized
the word "serial"...
1314
00:57:09,259 --> 00:57:11,546
Which makes it sound like
1315
00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:15,009
you're a killer, just not a serial one.
1316
00:57:15,265 --> 00:57:16,506
Oh, man, okay.
1317
00:57:16,683 --> 00:57:19,801
Now that was totally unintentional.
I promise you that.
1318
00:57:19,978 --> 00:57:21,014
Didn't mean that.
1319
00:57:21,188 --> 00:57:23,100
But you're still not saying,
"I'm not a killer."
1320
00:57:23,273 --> 00:57:26,607
It seems like
that's what a non-killer would say.
1321
00:57:27,486 --> 00:57:29,728
I'm an idiot, man. Idiot!
1322
00:57:29,905 --> 00:57:33,023
I've been a non-killer too long
to not know the non-killer rules.
1323
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:34,782
You know what I mean?
1324
00:57:34,952 --> 00:57:36,989
How about this?
We'll give you a ride...
1325
00:57:37,162 --> 00:57:38,243
Are you fucking crazy?
1326
00:57:38,413 --> 00:57:39,403
Let me finish, Pete.
1327
00:57:39,581 --> 00:57:41,789
We can give you a ride to the station,
1328
00:57:41,959 --> 00:57:44,702
but, and this is a pretty big but,
only if we can tie you up.
1329
00:57:44,878 --> 00:57:49,964
That way you can't rape
or kill or murder Mr. Paranoia here.
1330
00:57:59,559 --> 00:58:00,549
You okay?
1331
00:58:00,727 --> 00:58:01,843
Those aren't too tight, are they?
1332
00:58:02,020 --> 00:58:03,932
Almost kill you.
Can't kill you.
1333
00:58:05,899 --> 00:58:07,106
Don't even joke around
1334
00:58:07,275 --> 00:58:08,311
with our driver.
1335
00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:10,568
Sorry to interrupt. I'm still not
getting a phone signal here.
1336
00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:13,195
Are you sure
there's a train station this way?
1337
00:58:13,365 --> 00:58:15,698
100%. I grew up one town over.
1338
00:58:15,867 --> 00:58:18,200
I used to play ice hockey at the rink
across the street.
1339
00:58:18,370 --> 00:58:19,736
Just make a left up there.
1340
00:58:20,580 --> 00:58:22,367
I don't see street signs.
1341
00:58:23,875 --> 00:58:25,411
We are fucked.
1342
00:58:25,585 --> 00:58:26,792
Fucked!
1343
00:58:26,962 --> 00:58:27,952
We're gonna miss our flight.
1344
00:58:28,130 --> 00:58:29,462
- Take it easy, Pete.
- Do you realize that?
1345
00:58:29,631 --> 00:58:32,840
Okay, then we'll catch another one.
Okay? It's not a big deal.
1346
00:58:33,010 --> 00:58:37,004
Classic Kyle! Nothing's ever a big deal.
Must be nice.
1347
00:58:37,180 --> 00:58:40,890
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I am sensing
a very disturbing vibe here.
1348
00:58:41,059 --> 00:58:43,096
Pete, are you mad at your brother
about something?
1349
00:58:43,270 --> 00:58:46,058
Yes! I'm mad!
And it's probably obvious.
1350
00:58:46,231 --> 00:58:49,395
There's like a rage
pulsing through his entire body.
1351
00:58:49,568 --> 00:58:51,480
Classic Pete right here.
1352
00:58:51,653 --> 00:58:53,895
Luckily, I'm sort of the Pete whisperer.
1353
00:58:54,072 --> 00:58:56,735
I always know how to calm this guy down.
1354
00:58:56,825 --> 00:58:57,986
- Ah...
- Good.
1355
00:58:58,076 --> 00:59:02,741
Let me turn on a little music
and just lullaby you into just relaxing.
1356
00:59:02,914 --> 00:59:04,371
- Wow.
- There.
1357
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:08,626
A, please don't patronize me
and B, no music, okay?
1358
00:59:08,795 --> 00:59:10,036
I just need to focus right now.
1359
00:59:10,213 --> 00:59:12,705
Well, I think music
will help you guys relax.
1360
00:59:12,883 --> 00:59:13,999
Makes a great point.
1361
00:59:14,092 --> 00:59:15,799
You can't focus
if you're too tense, Pete.
1362
00:59:15,969 --> 00:59:17,210
I just need it quiet, okay?
1363
00:59:22,142 --> 00:59:23,508
What are you, 10?
1364
00:59:23,685 --> 00:59:25,176
Can't you just listen to music?
1365
00:59:26,563 --> 00:59:28,020
No! I don't want to listen to music.
1366
00:59:35,614 --> 00:59:37,697
Enough with the fucking radio, Kyle!
1367
00:59:42,162 --> 00:59:44,620
Oh, that was brilliant.
Go get 'em, you idiot.
1368
00:59:44,790 --> 00:59:46,031
I'm not gonna go get 'em.
1369
00:59:46,208 --> 00:59:47,574
Untie me, I'll go get 'em.
1370
00:59:47,751 --> 00:59:51,540
We're not gonna get the keys until you
tell me what your problem is with me.
1371
00:59:51,713 --> 00:59:52,829
We're going to be here a while,
1372
00:59:53,006 --> 00:59:54,713
because I have a million problems
with you.
1373
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:55,836
Like what?
1374
00:59:55,926 --> 00:59:57,212
Elaborate, Pete.
1375
00:59:57,385 --> 01:00:01,425
All you've ever done is rub
your amazing life in my face.
1376
01:00:01,807 --> 01:00:03,924
Your trophies and your friends,
1377
01:00:04,226 --> 01:00:06,764
and your black Amex
and your sunsets.
1378
01:00:06,937 --> 01:00:08,894
Sorry for sending you sunsets.
1379
01:00:09,064 --> 01:00:10,396
I love sunsets.
1380
01:00:10,565 --> 01:00:12,898
Growing up was literally
like watching The Kyle Reynolds Show
1381
01:00:13,068 --> 01:00:14,434
24 hours a day.
1382
01:00:14,611 --> 01:00:15,727
Girls just liked you more.
1383
01:00:15,904 --> 01:00:17,816
Pete, I thought you liked hearing
about my hook-ups
1384
01:00:17,989 --> 01:00:20,527
the same way I liked hearing
about your hook-ups.
1385
01:00:20,700 --> 01:00:21,736
What hook-ups?
1386
01:00:21,827 --> 01:00:22,817
The girl you went out with
in ninth grade.
1387
01:00:23,036 --> 01:00:25,323
Remember her,
with the glasses and the bad skin?
1388
01:00:25,497 --> 01:00:26,613
- Pamela Hartley.
- Yes!
1389
01:00:26,790 --> 01:00:28,497
Yeah, she only dated me to get to you.
1390
01:00:28,667 --> 01:00:30,283
And guess what?
The second her skin cleared up,
1391
01:00:30,377 --> 01:00:31,413
he banged her.
1392
01:00:31,586 --> 01:00:33,543
Not cool, Kyle. I'm Team Peter.
1393
01:00:33,713 --> 01:00:35,670
You even had the balls to come home
and brag about how you nailed her
1394
01:00:35,841 --> 01:00:37,002
in the back of a Papa John's.
1395
01:00:37,175 --> 01:00:39,963
That girl that I messed around with
at Papa John's didn't even wear glasses.
1396
01:00:40,137 --> 01:00:42,845
- Mistaken identity. Back on Team Kyle.
- Guess what?
1397
01:00:43,014 --> 01:00:46,132
Junior year, she got contacts and
her skin cleared up and you banged her
1398
01:00:46,309 --> 01:00:49,302
right after having
a sausage lover's pizza, apparently.
1399
01:00:49,479 --> 01:00:51,015
"This chick loves sausage, Pete."
1400
01:00:51,189 --> 01:00:52,225
I don't remember that.
1401
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:56,730
If I have to hear about your goddamn
barbeque sauce fortune one more time...
1402
01:00:56,903 --> 01:00:59,771
The picture on the bottles could be
literally anybody!
1403
01:00:59,948 --> 01:01:02,235
And you've lucked out your entire life.
1404
01:01:02,659 --> 01:01:05,117
The way you've lived,
you should be broke and homeless,
1405
01:01:05,287 --> 01:01:07,654
not chillaxing on a beach
1406
01:01:07,831 --> 01:01:10,198
with your perfect girlfriend
and your perfect house
1407
01:01:10,375 --> 01:01:11,911
and your soon-to-be perfect family!
1408
01:01:12,085 --> 01:01:13,121
Fuck you!
1409
01:01:13,461 --> 01:01:15,544
Stop blaming me for everything.
1410
01:01:15,714 --> 01:01:18,502
You know, just because
you think your life sucks. Okay?
1411
01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:21,588
Take some responsibility
for some of the decisions you made.
1412
01:01:21,761 --> 01:01:23,297
You decide to go ahead and marry
1413
01:01:23,471 --> 01:01:24,962
the first girl you ever
mess around with,
1414
01:01:25,140 --> 01:01:27,257
and then, big shocker,
it doesn't work out?
1415
01:01:27,601 --> 01:01:29,843
You decide to look at
assholes for a living,
1416
01:01:30,020 --> 01:01:31,261
that's my fault?
1417
01:01:31,438 --> 01:01:34,101
Spent your whole life
trying to impress a dead guy.
1418
01:01:34,274 --> 01:01:36,891
It's not my fault. It's your fault.
1419
01:01:37,068 --> 01:01:38,525
In fact, maybe if you tried
1420
01:01:38,695 --> 01:01:42,188
to be like me a little bit more,
you wouldn't be such a miserable dick!
1421
01:01:42,365 --> 01:01:43,856
And your son wouldn't hate you!
1422
01:01:45,702 --> 01:01:48,570
God damn it.
1423
01:01:48,997 --> 01:01:52,161
God damn it!
You broke my glasses.
1424
01:01:52,417 --> 01:01:53,453
Fuck!
1425
01:01:53,627 --> 01:01:54,959
Guys, use your words.
1426
01:01:55,128 --> 01:01:56,164
Fuck you, Kyle!
1427
01:01:56,588 --> 01:01:57,624
I hate conflict.
1428
01:01:57,797 --> 01:01:59,163
Fuck you!
1429
01:01:59,257 --> 01:02:00,293
Asshole!
1430
01:02:00,550 --> 01:02:04,385
Hey, guys, my Negro spider senses
is tingling.
1431
01:02:06,389 --> 01:02:09,473
I think we may be on a choo-choo track.
1432
01:02:09,684 --> 01:02:11,425
While you were lying on a beach
in Maui, I was home
1433
01:02:11,603 --> 01:02:12,810
taking care of Mom!
1434
01:02:12,979 --> 01:02:14,686
I don't like this.
1435
01:02:14,856 --> 01:02:16,768
Yup, that is definitely
a choo-choo train.
1436
01:02:16,942 --> 01:02:18,183
Mom is an independent
vibrant sexual woman!
1437
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:19,567
Okay.
1438
01:02:19,736 --> 01:02:21,602
Stop taking care of people!
1439
01:02:22,072 --> 01:02:23,938
It's not the soul train, guys.
1440
01:02:24,115 --> 01:02:26,903
You want to stop fighting
and look out the window...
1441
01:02:27,118 --> 01:02:29,861
Motherfuckers, we're on
the motherfucking railroad tracks!
1442
01:02:30,038 --> 01:02:32,075
There's a train coming!
1443
01:02:32,207 --> 01:02:34,369
There is a train!
1444
01:02:34,709 --> 01:02:36,166
Get me off the tracks!
1445
01:02:36,336 --> 01:02:37,497
Train. Pete, get out!
1446
01:02:37,671 --> 01:02:39,003
Help! Now!
1447
01:02:40,423 --> 01:02:41,789
Get out!
1448
01:02:43,051 --> 01:02:44,087
My seatbelt!
1449
01:02:50,517 --> 01:02:51,803
Kyle!
1450
01:03:00,902 --> 01:03:01,983
Kyle!
1451
01:03:26,219 --> 01:03:27,209
Pete!
1452
01:03:29,597 --> 01:03:30,713
Pete!
1453
01:03:33,977 --> 01:03:35,184
Kyle!
1454
01:03:36,730 --> 01:03:38,096
Pete!
1455
01:03:39,566 --> 01:03:41,478
Kyle!
1456
01:03:41,985 --> 01:03:43,066
Pete!
1457
01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:46,938
Yes!
1458
01:03:55,290 --> 01:03:56,531
Yeah!
1459
01:04:29,991 --> 01:04:31,448
No. They're literally
1460
01:04:31,618 --> 01:04:35,032
replacing me with a monkey
or a seal, some kind of animal.
1461
01:04:35,205 --> 01:04:37,288
Because apparently animals
don't get residuals.
1462
01:04:37,457 --> 01:04:40,120
A monkey can't do your job.
1463
01:04:42,837 --> 01:04:44,669
How much do you have left?
1464
01:04:44,839 --> 01:04:46,455
Not as much as I owe.
1465
01:04:47,175 --> 01:04:52,387
Yeah, I'll probably have a repo man
showing up at my house in a few weeks.
1466
01:04:52,555 --> 01:04:54,387
Take my Ferraris back.
1467
01:04:55,350 --> 01:04:57,091
Ferraris, plural?
1468
01:04:57,352 --> 01:04:58,968
Three.
1469
01:05:00,146 --> 01:05:02,684
You are incorrigible.
1470
01:05:03,817 --> 01:05:06,981
I'm just an idiot, Pete.
You said so yourself.
1471
01:05:07,445 --> 01:05:09,687
You're not an idiot, Kyle.
1472
01:05:09,864 --> 01:05:11,856
You're not, you're just...
1473
01:05:12,409 --> 01:05:13,445
What?
1474
01:05:13,535 --> 01:05:15,401
You're overly optimistic.
1475
01:05:15,578 --> 01:05:16,568
That's all.
1476
01:05:16,746 --> 01:05:19,329
That's a nice way to put it.
1477
01:05:20,333 --> 01:05:21,323
Well, I don't know.
1478
01:05:21,501 --> 01:05:23,584
Who am I kidding?
1479
01:05:24,921 --> 01:05:26,037
I honestly started thinking
1480
01:05:26,214 --> 01:05:29,127
that Kaylani and our kid
would be better off without me.
1481
01:05:29,300 --> 01:05:31,542
Maybe I ought to just bail now.
1482
01:05:31,719 --> 01:05:34,883
For their sake
because then, maybe, Kaylani
1483
01:05:35,140 --> 01:05:37,928
could tell the kid a cool story
the way Mom did.
1484
01:05:38,143 --> 01:05:42,888
"Yeah, your dad was base jumping
into a volcano,
1485
01:05:43,064 --> 01:05:44,771
"and the lava got him."
1486
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:48,393
Or I was a brilliant doctor, like you.
1487
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:53,899
You have the kindest heart of anyone
I have ever met.
1488
01:05:57,370 --> 01:06:00,454
A little while ago,
I thought I lost you forever,
1489
01:06:00,623 --> 01:06:04,958
and it was the worst feeling
I've ever felt.
1490
01:06:06,713 --> 01:06:09,126
No one's better off without you, Kyle.
1491
01:06:10,258 --> 01:06:12,466
You're gonna be a great dad.
1492
01:06:12,969 --> 01:06:16,838
You know how you were always
asking Mom about Dad?
1493
01:06:18,475 --> 01:06:21,013
I wasn't that curious.
1494
01:06:21,895 --> 01:06:23,978
I think because I had you.
1495
01:06:24,647 --> 01:06:26,058
What?
1496
01:06:26,232 --> 01:06:29,020
Yeah, I had a lot of friends
and girlfriends
1497
01:06:29,194 --> 01:06:32,232
and people that love me
because I'm, kind of, you know,
1498
01:06:32,405 --> 01:06:34,271
bon vivant, a raconteur,
1499
01:06:34,449 --> 01:06:36,532
or whatever you want to say.
1500
01:06:36,701 --> 01:06:38,818
But you never
thought I was any of those things.
1501
01:06:39,537 --> 01:06:41,494
But you were still there.
1502
01:06:41,664 --> 01:06:42,745
Getting on me.
1503
01:06:42,916 --> 01:06:45,408
"Hey! Don't jump off the roof
into the pool.
1504
01:06:45,585 --> 01:06:46,996
"You'll break your neck.
1505
01:06:47,170 --> 01:06:49,412
"Here, let me show you
how to tie your tie."
1506
01:06:50,590 --> 01:06:52,422
Always kind of thought
1507
01:06:52,592 --> 01:06:54,959
that was the type of stuff
our dad would've been saying.
1508
01:06:58,306 --> 01:07:00,263
I'm sorry about your glasses.
1509
01:07:00,433 --> 01:07:01,469
Don't be.
1510
01:07:01,643 --> 01:07:02,884
I don't need them.
1511
01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:04,601
What do you mean?
1512
01:07:04,771 --> 01:07:07,104
I don't need glasses.
1513
01:07:07,398 --> 01:07:09,310
I have 20/20 vision.
1514
01:07:10,109 --> 01:07:11,225
What?
1515
01:07:11,402 --> 01:07:14,361
Yeah, I just had this image
of who I thought I should be,
1516
01:07:14,572 --> 01:07:17,189
and glasses fit the bill.
1517
01:07:17,367 --> 01:07:18,574
There you go.
1518
01:07:18,743 --> 01:07:20,655
That's why you're brilliant.
1519
01:07:21,746 --> 01:07:24,238
Why did I wear glasses for 20 years?
1520
01:07:24,415 --> 01:07:26,407
Because you're an idiot.
1521
01:07:26,584 --> 01:07:28,200
I'm a fucking idiot.
1522
01:07:28,378 --> 01:07:30,711
I'm a big dumb idiot.
1523
01:07:31,047 --> 01:07:32,913
Boom! A train.
1524
01:07:33,841 --> 01:07:35,628
"Oh, my God! I'm still alive!"
1525
01:07:35,802 --> 01:07:38,340
And that's basically how it all went.
1526
01:07:38,513 --> 01:07:41,130
It's crazy. This is one night
we're talking about.
1527
01:07:41,224 --> 01:07:43,341
Yeah.
1528
01:07:43,434 --> 01:07:44,891
I guess we missed our flight.
1529
01:07:45,061 --> 01:07:47,223
You want to check
and see when the next one is?
1530
01:07:47,397 --> 01:07:48,433
Nope.
1531
01:07:50,608 --> 01:07:52,019
I feel
1532
01:07:52,193 --> 01:07:57,689
very confident that the universe
is telling us to proceed
1533
01:07:57,907 --> 01:07:59,569
with Operation Who's Your Daddy.
1534
01:07:59,742 --> 01:08:01,233
Are you messing with me?
1535
01:08:01,411 --> 01:08:03,994
We started this goddamn mission
to find our father together,
1536
01:08:04,163 --> 01:08:07,281
and we are gonna finish it together.
Come hell or high water.
1537
01:08:07,458 --> 01:08:09,541
God damn it, that's the spirit!
1538
01:08:11,588 --> 01:08:12,874
Let's do this!
1539
01:08:13,673 --> 01:08:14,709
We're going in!
1540
01:08:14,882 --> 01:08:15,918
We're going in!
1541
01:08:16,092 --> 01:08:18,049
This is happening!
1542
01:08:18,845 --> 01:08:22,088
Thank you for driving all the way
out here with the new rental.
1543
01:08:22,265 --> 01:08:23,506
Appreciate it.
1544
01:08:23,683 --> 01:08:25,720
Okay, guys,
I think these might be yours?
1545
01:08:25,893 --> 01:08:27,350
Yes, sir. Thank you.
1546
01:08:27,437 --> 01:08:28,427
All right.
1547
01:08:28,521 --> 01:08:30,433
That's gonna be
one big fucking insurance mess.
1548
01:08:30,607 --> 01:08:32,644
But, uh, we got everything we need,
1549
01:08:32,817 --> 01:08:33,933
so you're free to go.
1550
01:08:34,110 --> 01:08:35,271
Thanks a lot, officers.
1551
01:08:35,445 --> 01:08:36,435
It's no problem.
1552
01:08:36,613 --> 01:08:37,945
Really appreciate it.
1553
01:08:38,781 --> 01:08:41,444
What now?
How do we find Sparkly P?
1554
01:08:41,618 --> 01:08:43,075
- Leg work.
- Yes.
1555
01:08:43,369 --> 01:08:45,952
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you, uh, just say "Sparkly P"?
1556
01:08:46,831 --> 01:08:47,947
Yeah.
1557
01:08:48,124 --> 01:08:49,865
- The police officer...
- From the '70s?
1558
01:08:49,959 --> 01:08:51,075
Yeah.
1559
01:08:51,169 --> 01:08:52,205
You've heard of him?
1560
01:08:52,295 --> 01:08:53,411
Are you kidding me?
1561
01:08:53,588 --> 01:08:55,420
There's not a cop in the whole state
who hasn't.
1562
01:08:55,590 --> 01:08:56,580
Yeah.
1563
01:08:56,758 --> 01:08:59,626
Patrick O'Callaghan, AKA Sparkly P.
1564
01:09:00,386 --> 01:09:02,503
Had one of the biggest
coke busts in history.
1565
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:05,047
We spent like two weeks
studying him back in the academy.
1566
01:09:05,224 --> 01:09:06,431
The guy's a legend.
1567
01:09:06,601 --> 01:09:09,344
Holy shit, Pete.
We could be Irish.
1568
01:09:09,520 --> 01:09:10,727
Yes!
1569
01:09:10,897 --> 01:09:13,264
I'm Irish, too, on my sister's side.
1570
01:09:13,441 --> 01:09:14,977
You know where to find him?
1571
01:09:18,404 --> 01:09:21,568
So, I just talked to my buddy
in the force,
1572
01:09:21,741 --> 01:09:25,530
and apparently Mr. Patrick O'Callaghan
1573
01:09:25,703 --> 01:09:28,946
retired the NYPD back in '86.
1574
01:09:29,123 --> 01:09:31,490
This right here
is his last known address.
1575
01:09:31,668 --> 01:09:32,749
If anyone comes asking,
1576
01:09:32,919 --> 01:09:34,205
I didn't tell you shit.
1577
01:09:34,671 --> 01:09:36,583
I'm trusting you with this.
1578
01:09:37,340 --> 01:09:39,127
Don't fuck me.
1579
01:09:39,717 --> 01:09:41,583
Not gonna fuck you.
1580
01:09:48,518 --> 01:09:49,634
What?
1581
01:09:52,313 --> 01:09:53,429
What?
1582
01:09:53,606 --> 01:09:55,347
- Guess where he lives?
- Where?
1583
01:09:55,525 --> 01:09:56,891
You're not gonna believe this.
1584
01:09:57,276 --> 01:09:58,983
Worcester, Mass.
1585
01:10:00,029 --> 01:10:02,567
Worcester, Mass! You've been leading us
there the whole time!
1586
01:10:05,326 --> 01:10:08,535
It's the universe, Pete.
The universe is magic!
1587
01:10:08,705 --> 01:10:10,617
I'm magic. I'm a magic man.
1588
01:10:10,790 --> 01:10:14,534
All right. Okay.
I guess we're all going home.
1589
01:10:21,968 --> 01:10:23,175
Well,
1590
01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:27,341
thanks for letting me keep
a little souvenir.
1591
01:10:27,515 --> 01:10:28,631
Sure.
1592
01:10:29,016 --> 01:10:31,599
This has been magnificent.
Thank you, guys.
1593
01:10:31,769 --> 01:10:33,601
I appreciate your assistance.
1594
01:10:33,771 --> 01:10:35,603
Have a good night.
1595
01:10:36,733 --> 01:10:37,769
Hey!
1596
01:10:38,568 --> 01:10:39,558
Yeah?
1597
01:10:39,736 --> 01:10:41,227
We don't even know your name.
1598
01:10:41,404 --> 01:10:42,565
Oh, Kyle...
1599
01:10:43,239 --> 01:10:45,947
You've known it the whole time.
1600
01:10:47,744 --> 01:10:49,576
That's beautiful.
1601
01:10:49,746 --> 01:10:51,032
I think he's messing with us.
1602
01:10:51,205 --> 01:10:52,286
No, he's not.
1603
01:10:52,457 --> 01:10:54,289
- Yeah.
- No.
1604
01:10:54,417 --> 01:10:55,874
He was messing with us.
1605
01:11:14,187 --> 01:11:17,771
- Ding!
- May we get a room?
1606
01:11:17,940 --> 01:11:20,853
Your cheapest room, please.
1607
01:11:21,027 --> 01:11:23,770
Well, every room in here
is cheap, so...
1608
01:11:25,865 --> 01:11:26,981
Sorry?
1609
01:11:27,158 --> 01:11:29,150
Every room in here
is really cheap.
1610
01:11:32,079 --> 01:11:34,036
Okay. Here you go.
1611
01:11:35,249 --> 01:11:37,161
We're gonna nab one from ya.
1612
01:11:37,335 --> 01:11:41,170
- So, just the one room?
- Mmm-hmm.
1613
01:11:42,465 --> 01:11:43,455
One night?
1614
01:11:43,841 --> 01:11:45,002
Yeah.
1615
01:11:45,551 --> 01:11:46,541
Two beds.
1616
01:11:48,763 --> 01:11:50,220
Oh, um...
1617
01:11:51,265 --> 01:11:54,258
Can we still get food and drinks
at the bar?
1618
01:11:54,435 --> 01:11:58,679
Right back there behind you.
Food for about another...
1619
01:11:58,856 --> 01:12:01,974
Ten minutes, and drinks till 2:00.
1620
01:12:02,944 --> 01:12:04,105
Till, sorry?
1621
01:12:04,278 --> 01:12:05,268
Till 2:00.
1622
01:12:06,197 --> 01:12:09,406
You're going to have to speak up,
Biz Markie, 'cause I can't hear you.
1623
01:12:09,867 --> 01:12:12,655
For 10 more minutes,
and drinks until 2:00.
1624
01:12:17,875 --> 01:12:19,161
Okay?
1625
01:12:22,046 --> 01:12:23,833
Hey, do you remember
1626
01:12:24,715 --> 01:12:27,002
when Mom tried to teach us about sex?
1627
01:12:27,176 --> 01:12:29,293
Yeah.
1628
01:12:29,470 --> 01:12:32,634
You had already Papa John'd
half the girls at school at that point.
1629
01:12:33,474 --> 01:12:35,181
Turns out, we probably
should have listened to her.
1630
01:12:35,351 --> 01:12:36,341
Amen.
1631
01:12:36,519 --> 01:12:40,684
It's like we passed up basketball tips
from Michael Jordan, as it turns out.
1632
01:12:40,857 --> 01:12:42,223
We really did.
1633
01:12:44,902 --> 01:12:47,485
I'm gonna hit the head.
Excuse me.
1634
01:13:12,221 --> 01:13:13,962
Hi, excuse me.
I couldn't help but notice
1635
01:13:14,348 --> 01:13:16,089
that, uh, you're
1636
01:13:16,267 --> 01:13:17,303
crying.
1637
01:13:17,476 --> 01:13:20,514
No. I'm fine.
1638
01:13:20,688 --> 01:13:23,681
I often have that effect on women.
Just not usually this fast.
1639
01:13:24,358 --> 01:13:25,599
Sorry. I'll leave you alone.
1640
01:13:25,776 --> 01:13:27,813
No. You know what, please don't.
1641
01:13:27,987 --> 01:13:29,228
Just sit.
1642
01:13:29,739 --> 01:13:30,729
Buy me a drink.
1643
01:13:33,451 --> 01:13:34,567
All right.
1644
01:13:35,036 --> 01:13:36,026
Another...
1645
01:13:36,537 --> 01:13:37,527
Uh, scotch on the rocks.
1646
01:13:37,705 --> 01:13:38,695
Oh, nice.
1647
01:13:38,873 --> 01:13:40,159
Make that two.
1648
01:13:43,794 --> 01:13:45,285
Thank you.
1649
01:13:48,716 --> 01:13:49,706
So...
1650
01:13:50,927 --> 01:13:52,088
Want to talk about it?
1651
01:13:53,846 --> 01:13:54,836
No.
1652
01:13:58,059 --> 01:13:59,470
No sob stories.
1653
01:14:02,188 --> 01:14:03,474
I like that rule.
1654
01:14:03,648 --> 01:14:05,560
Cheers.
1655
01:14:05,733 --> 01:14:06,723
No sob stories.
1656
01:14:06,901 --> 01:14:07,982
All right.
1657
01:14:09,403 --> 01:14:12,271
Do you want to talk about that?
1658
01:14:12,865 --> 01:14:14,356
- This?
- Mmm-hmm.
1659
01:14:16,035 --> 01:14:17,651
Uh... Well...
1660
01:14:20,539 --> 01:14:21,905
I can't.
1661
01:14:22,291 --> 01:14:23,532
Why?
1662
01:14:25,169 --> 01:14:27,035
Because I'm a secret agent.
1663
01:14:28,839 --> 01:14:31,331
I don't think
you were supposed to tell me that part.
1664
01:14:32,218 --> 01:14:33,754
Well...
1665
01:14:33,844 --> 01:14:36,336
Why don't you let me worry about
1666
01:14:36,514 --> 01:14:39,552
how secret agent-ing works...
1667
01:14:40,059 --> 01:14:42,426
- Seeing as how I am the secret agent.
- You're right.
1668
01:14:42,979 --> 01:14:44,470
You should see the other guy.
1669
01:14:44,647 --> 01:14:45,637
Sorry to interrupt, Peter.
1670
01:14:45,815 --> 01:14:48,182
I just got an urgent call from
the client. I'm gonna have to go in.
1671
01:14:48,359 --> 01:14:53,024
Apparently old Gary Peterson really
shat the bed on the LBJ proposal.
1672
01:14:53,197 --> 01:14:54,187
Guy's just useless.
1673
01:14:55,199 --> 01:14:57,657
He's been screwing up
since the beginning.
1674
01:14:57,827 --> 01:14:59,944
Anyway, I'm gonna go into the office,
I'm probably going to spend the night,
1675
01:15:00,121 --> 01:15:01,111
and I will see you tomorrow, okay?
1676
01:15:01,288 --> 01:15:02,278
Are you sure?
1677
01:15:02,456 --> 01:15:03,788
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
1678
01:15:05,459 --> 01:15:06,825
All right.
1679
01:15:08,546 --> 01:15:10,128
Was that the other guy?
1680
01:15:10,297 --> 01:15:11,504
He looks like shit.
1681
01:15:12,049 --> 01:15:13,915
That guy's actually my partner.
1682
01:15:14,218 --> 01:15:15,800
He's another secret agent.
1683
01:15:15,970 --> 01:15:18,007
See, you keep saying "secret",
1684
01:15:18,180 --> 01:15:20,513
but then you keep telling me about it.
1685
01:15:20,683 --> 01:15:23,221
I am failing at this job.
1686
01:15:23,394 --> 01:15:25,056
I will tell you this.
1687
01:15:25,229 --> 01:15:26,936
I'm also a secret agent.
1688
01:15:27,106 --> 01:15:28,313
No!
1689
01:15:28,691 --> 01:15:29,898
Sent here to kill you.
1690
01:15:29,984 --> 01:15:30,974
What?
1691
01:15:31,068 --> 01:15:33,151
That drink, it's poison.
1692
01:15:33,320 --> 01:15:34,686
Wait, what?
1693
01:15:34,864 --> 01:15:35,854
Sorry.
1694
01:15:36,323 --> 01:15:38,155
You surreptitiously poisoned me?
1695
01:15:38,325 --> 01:15:39,987
Surreptitiously.
1696
01:15:40,161 --> 01:15:43,700
You're so good.
I had no idea this is poison.
1697
01:15:45,750 --> 01:15:48,743
Yeah! That's, like, almost all poison.
1698
01:15:48,961 --> 01:15:50,418
No, taste mine.
You'll taste the difference.
1699
01:15:50,588 --> 01:15:52,045
- Little bit.
- Yeah.
1700
01:15:52,465 --> 01:15:54,047
Mmm.
1701
01:15:54,592 --> 01:15:55,878
- Poison.
- There is a little difference, yeah.
1702
01:15:56,052 --> 01:15:57,384
- Yeah.
- I do taste that.
1703
01:15:57,553 --> 01:16:01,137
So, I'm sorry to tell you,
but two hours left to live.
1704
01:16:02,349 --> 01:16:05,467
Well, guess I'd better
make these two hours count.
1705
01:16:05,644 --> 01:16:06,634
Yeah, you better.
1706
01:16:06,812 --> 01:16:07,802
Yeah.
1707
01:16:08,272 --> 01:16:10,013
My name is Sarah.
1708
01:16:10,191 --> 01:16:12,808
Code name, Babydoll.
1709
01:16:14,070 --> 01:16:16,062
Well, Sarah, my name's Peter.
1710
01:16:16,238 --> 01:16:18,104
Code name...
1711
01:16:20,576 --> 01:16:22,488
Pinky Pants.
1712
01:16:22,661 --> 01:16:23,651
I've heard about you.
1713
01:16:23,829 --> 01:16:25,195
Yeah, I'm legendary.
1714
01:16:25,372 --> 01:16:26,579
Well,
1715
01:16:27,041 --> 01:16:29,078
here's to your last two hours.
1716
01:16:35,591 --> 01:16:38,834
Hi. Hey! Can you see me?
1717
01:16:39,178 --> 01:16:40,544
- Aloha.
- Aloha.
1718
01:16:41,597 --> 01:16:44,431
- Are you ready for naked FaceTime?
- Yeah.
1719
01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:45,886
I'm wearing your favorite bra.
1720
01:16:46,060 --> 01:16:47,301
Oh, my gosh.
1721
01:16:47,478 --> 01:16:49,561
Wait, why aren't you naked?
1722
01:16:49,855 --> 01:16:52,313
- Um...
- Where are you?
1723
01:16:52,483 --> 01:16:54,315
I'm actually in the car.
I'm just kind of settling in.
1724
01:16:54,485 --> 01:16:58,024
I'm trying to give Pete a little privacy
because he met a girl.
1725
01:16:58,114 --> 01:16:59,980
Oh.
1726
01:17:01,283 --> 01:17:02,273
Hey.
1727
01:17:03,953 --> 01:17:05,865
Got some room service out here.
1728
01:17:06,038 --> 01:17:08,746
Yeah, bet you don't deliver out
to the parking lot too much,
1729
01:17:08,916 --> 01:17:11,659
but I'm just trying to give my brother
some privacy.
1730
01:17:11,836 --> 01:17:14,579
Here, wave to Kaylani.
That's the room service guy.
1731
01:17:14,755 --> 01:17:15,916
Hi, room service dude.
1732
01:17:16,090 --> 01:17:17,126
Thank you.
1733
01:17:18,425 --> 01:17:19,541
Okay.
1734
01:17:20,344 --> 01:17:22,131
I might get some breakfast later.
1735
01:17:22,304 --> 01:17:23,670
No problem.
1736
01:17:26,350 --> 01:17:27,636
How's your trip been?
1737
01:17:33,107 --> 01:17:34,473
Hey, honey,
1738
01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:35,936
there's something I need to tell you.
1739
01:17:36,110 --> 01:17:37,146
Is everything okay?
1740
01:17:37,319 --> 01:17:39,481
No, everything's
going great with the trip.
1741
01:17:39,572 --> 01:17:42,360
It's kind of
a recent setback.
1742
01:17:43,993 --> 01:17:45,200
What's up?
1743
01:17:45,578 --> 01:17:48,412
I think it's gonna be good, actually.
1744
01:17:58,549 --> 01:18:00,916
There's so many buttons. Help.
1745
01:18:01,010 --> 01:18:02,342
I'll help and go from the bottom.
1746
01:18:02,511 --> 01:18:03,752
Here we go.
1747
01:18:04,138 --> 01:18:06,300
Oh, God. That's really slowing me down.
1748
01:18:15,774 --> 01:18:17,185
Oh, my God. You have buttons.
1749
01:18:18,068 --> 01:18:20,526
Listen, there's something
you should know.
1750
01:18:20,863 --> 01:18:22,729
What?
1751
01:18:22,907 --> 01:18:24,114
I don't manscape.
1752
01:18:24,617 --> 01:18:26,324
Well, what are we working with?
1753
01:18:26,493 --> 01:18:28,109
Well, here you go.
1754
01:18:28,287 --> 01:18:29,448
Oh, no.
1755
01:18:31,916 --> 01:18:33,032
It is what it is.
1756
01:18:33,709 --> 01:18:34,825
Works for me.
1757
01:18:51,518 --> 01:18:52,804
Ahoy!
1758
01:19:00,152 --> 01:19:02,690
Good morning.
1759
01:19:02,863 --> 01:19:04,399
Yes. Yes.
1760
01:19:04,573 --> 01:19:07,316
Any news to report?
1761
01:19:07,868 --> 01:19:09,530
Um...
1762
01:19:13,749 --> 01:19:15,706
You are incorrigible.
1763
01:19:15,876 --> 01:19:16,912
Where is she?
1764
01:19:17,002 --> 01:19:20,336
I don't know actually.
I woke up and she was gone.
1765
01:19:20,506 --> 01:19:24,170
You experienced a pure one-night stand.
1766
01:19:24,343 --> 01:19:25,550
Do you know how rare that is?
1767
01:19:25,719 --> 01:19:28,211
You were visited by an angel last night.
Plain and simple.
1768
01:19:28,597 --> 01:19:31,385
Well, she did, she did leave a note.
1769
01:19:33,435 --> 01:19:36,803
"Thanks for a really fun night.
I needed it."
1770
01:19:38,399 --> 01:19:40,140
"I needed it!"
1771
01:19:40,317 --> 01:19:42,650
Guess who gave it to her?
This guy!
1772
01:19:45,322 --> 01:19:47,939
I just like seeing you giddy.
1773
01:19:48,117 --> 01:19:49,824
You're just gleeful.
1774
01:19:49,994 --> 01:19:52,657
This is the Pete
I've been trying to get.
1775
01:19:52,830 --> 01:19:53,991
Come on, Worcester!
1776
01:19:54,164 --> 01:19:55,405
Come on.
1777
01:19:59,003 --> 01:20:00,210
Okay.
1778
01:20:00,379 --> 01:20:01,790
You have arrived at your destination.
1779
01:20:01,964 --> 01:20:03,375
This is it.
1780
01:20:06,760 --> 01:20:08,968
Sparkly P likes to party.
1781
01:20:16,729 --> 01:20:18,391
Breathe.
1782
01:20:20,357 --> 01:20:22,189
What is going on?
1783
01:20:22,359 --> 01:20:25,978
Dad gets Clemens to come and pitch
batting practice for us at the park.
1784
01:20:26,155 --> 01:20:29,239
Fucker beaned me, like, twice
but still greatest day of my life.
1785
01:20:29,408 --> 01:20:30,774
Hey, fellas. Welcome.
1786
01:20:31,035 --> 01:20:32,025
Thank you.
1787
01:20:32,202 --> 01:20:33,613
There's beer, liquor.
1788
01:20:33,787 --> 01:20:35,369
There's food in the back.
1789
01:20:35,539 --> 01:20:36,700
Make yourselves at home.
1790
01:20:38,167 --> 01:20:43,162
Hey, I am so fuckin' happy
you're my brother. I love you so much.
1791
01:20:43,630 --> 01:20:45,667
I love you too, bro. You know.
1792
01:20:45,841 --> 01:20:49,460
Okay. Sorry to interrupt.
Uh, do you know if Paddy's here?
1793
01:20:49,636 --> 01:20:51,172
Oh, yeah. Dad's inside.
1794
01:20:52,181 --> 01:20:55,970
Come on. He's in the study.
I'll take you over. Come on.
1795
01:20:58,479 --> 01:21:01,017
Oh, uh, Dad's over there, guys.
1796
01:21:15,454 --> 01:21:17,571
So, uh, how do you guys know my dad?
1797
01:21:17,748 --> 01:21:19,956
Liam, Sean needs your help
changing the keg.
1798
01:21:20,125 --> 01:21:21,912
Oh, for fuck's sakes.
1799
01:21:22,086 --> 01:21:24,419
Sorry, fellas, my brother's a moron.
1800
01:21:24,588 --> 01:21:26,875
Hey. Watch your mouth. That's
my boyfriend you're talking about.
1801
01:21:27,049 --> 01:21:30,258
My fuckin' 10-year-old cousin
can change a keg. Are you kidding me?
1802
01:21:35,432 --> 01:21:37,094
Oh, man.
1803
01:21:38,644 --> 01:21:40,852
I'm sorry, we're too late.
1804
01:21:41,605 --> 01:21:43,642
I would have really
loved to get to know you.
1805
01:21:45,401 --> 01:21:47,814
He seems like a good man.
1806
01:21:47,986 --> 01:21:50,945
Raised a good family.
1807
01:21:53,867 --> 01:21:55,904
Did he just die?
1808
01:21:57,579 --> 01:21:59,241
Presumably, yeah.
1809
01:21:59,832 --> 01:22:02,245
Do you think he died
in the line of duty?
1810
01:22:03,043 --> 01:22:05,160
Paddy O'Callaghan
1811
01:22:05,963 --> 01:22:08,250
was many things to many people.
1812
01:22:09,007 --> 01:22:11,294
There was no role he treasured more
1813
01:22:11,718 --> 01:22:13,004
than being a father.
1814
01:22:13,804 --> 01:22:17,013
And I know there's no one
he would rather hear from right now
1815
01:22:17,307 --> 01:22:19,799
than his dear sweet daughter.
1816
01:22:20,102 --> 01:22:22,185
Are you okay to talk, hon?
1817
01:22:22,646 --> 01:22:23,932
Thank you, Father.
1818
01:22:28,026 --> 01:22:29,016
My father and I
1819
01:22:29,570 --> 01:22:31,527
didn't always get along.
1820
01:22:31,864 --> 01:22:34,481
He was a cop
who saw the worst in people.
1821
01:22:34,700 --> 01:22:36,908
That's the girl
from last night.
1822
01:22:37,578 --> 01:22:38,659
He practically arrested this...
1823
01:22:38,829 --> 01:22:39,910
No.
1824
01:22:41,415 --> 01:22:42,405
That's Babydoll.
1825
01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:43,619
I saw...
1826
01:22:43,792 --> 01:22:45,658
Oh, my God.
1827
01:22:45,836 --> 01:22:48,249
We've all slept with the wrong woman.
1828
01:22:48,422 --> 01:22:49,958
Yeah, but it's our sister.
1829
01:22:50,132 --> 01:22:53,500
I know. But I've slept
with some squirrelly women.
1830
01:22:53,677 --> 01:22:55,213
Super squirrelly.
1831
01:22:55,679 --> 01:22:59,138
It doesn't matter how squirrelly
they are, they're not our sister.
1832
01:22:59,349 --> 01:23:01,432
No, listen to me.
It didn't happen, okay?
1833
01:23:01,602 --> 01:23:03,343
It didn't happen.
Just erase it.
1834
01:23:03,520 --> 01:23:05,386
It didn't happen!
1835
01:23:05,856 --> 01:23:08,394
Is that why it was so good?
1836
01:23:08,650 --> 01:23:10,357
I'm a monster.
1837
01:23:10,611 --> 01:23:12,477
I love you, Pop.
1838
01:23:12,821 --> 01:23:15,279
I'm gonna miss you so much.
1839
01:23:15,449 --> 01:23:16,781
- We have to go.
- No!
1840
01:23:16,950 --> 01:23:18,987
Stop. Peter. Peter, stop.
1841
01:23:19,077 --> 01:23:21,410
Peter!
1842
01:23:21,497 --> 01:23:22,533
The fuck!
1843
01:23:22,623 --> 01:23:24,239
What the fuck! Sean!
1844
01:23:24,416 --> 01:23:26,533
It wasn't fucking me.
1845
01:23:27,669 --> 01:23:28,785
Did he get you?
1846
01:23:28,962 --> 01:23:30,828
Don't touch! Oh, my...
Get your...
1847
01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:32,247
Hey, douchebag!
1848
01:23:33,258 --> 01:23:34,999
- Where's the apology?
- I'm sorry.
1849
01:23:35,177 --> 01:23:37,089
- Where's the apology?
- Jesus!
1850
01:23:37,262 --> 01:23:39,003
What were you talkin' about?
1851
01:23:39,181 --> 01:23:40,171
Just let us go.
1852
01:23:40,349 --> 01:23:41,510
Why are you not apologizing?
1853
01:23:41,683 --> 01:23:43,845
Hey, stop. Come here. Stop it.
1854
01:23:44,019 --> 01:23:45,135
Contact, bro?
1855
01:23:45,312 --> 01:23:47,053
Contact in O'Callaghan's yard?
1856
01:23:47,231 --> 01:23:48,312
Okay, just stop! Hold it!
1857
01:23:48,482 --> 01:23:49,472
In my yard?
1858
01:23:49,650 --> 01:23:50,936
Hey! We just want an apology!
1859
01:23:51,109 --> 01:23:52,645
Come on, just say you're sorry.
1860
01:23:52,819 --> 01:23:54,276
- I'd really rather not.
- Peter, come on!
1861
01:23:54,446 --> 01:23:55,812
Summer's over, you ready for the fall?
1862
01:23:55,989 --> 01:23:57,105
Don't be prideful.
Come on, just...
1863
01:23:57,282 --> 01:23:58,568
I'm not being prideful.
1864
01:23:58,742 --> 01:24:01,109
It's hard to apologize when I just got
shoved off a porch.
1865
01:24:01,286 --> 01:24:02,367
Charged up!
1866
01:24:02,538 --> 01:24:04,905
I saw you spill the drink on the girl.
She's soaked.
1867
01:24:05,082 --> 01:24:06,323
That's true and I am sorry about that.
1868
01:24:06,500 --> 01:24:08,241
Don't tell me, tell them!
Just say it.
1869
01:24:08,418 --> 01:24:09,625
- Fine!
- Fuck you guys!
1870
01:24:09,795 --> 01:24:10,876
I'm sorry!
1871
01:24:13,382 --> 01:24:14,714
To who?
1872
01:24:14,883 --> 01:24:17,296
To the douchebag's girlfriend.
1873
01:24:19,763 --> 01:24:21,299
Close enough.
1874
01:24:23,684 --> 01:24:25,141
- It's too late.
- What?
1875
01:24:25,435 --> 01:24:27,643
Look, you can't move the goalposts.
1876
01:24:27,729 --> 01:24:28,719
They moved.
1877
01:24:28,814 --> 01:24:29,850
He just apologized.
1878
01:24:30,023 --> 01:24:31,434
That's more than I've ever gotten
from him.
1879
01:24:31,608 --> 01:24:34,100
Come on, you're lucky
we're not demanding an apology!
1880
01:24:34,444 --> 01:24:35,525
He wants an apology.
1881
01:24:35,696 --> 01:24:37,403
Here's an apology, bro.
1882
01:24:37,698 --> 01:24:39,906
- That's an O'Callaghan sorry.
- Whoa!
1883
01:24:45,038 --> 01:24:46,199
I got his ankle, Pete!
1884
01:24:46,832 --> 01:24:48,039
I got him in a foot lock.
1885
01:24:51,044 --> 01:24:52,205
I'm gonna sprain his ankle.
1886
01:24:52,379 --> 01:24:54,416
What are you boys doing? Get up!
1887
01:24:54,590 --> 01:24:57,003
What the hell's going on, boys? Huh?
1888
01:24:58,093 --> 01:24:59,254
Whoa.
1889
01:25:00,095 --> 01:25:01,256
Paddy!
1890
01:25:01,680 --> 01:25:02,796
He's alive!
1891
01:25:02,973 --> 01:25:04,430
It's not Paddy, you idiot.
1892
01:25:04,600 --> 01:25:05,681
That's our Uncle Kevin.
1893
01:25:05,851 --> 01:25:07,183
He's Paddy's twin brother.
1894
01:25:07,352 --> 01:25:09,389
My brother's lying dead in there.
1895
01:25:09,563 --> 01:25:10,929
Show a little respect.
1896
01:25:11,023 --> 01:25:12,013
Peter?
1897
01:25:12,983 --> 01:25:14,019
Hey.
1898
01:25:14,318 --> 01:25:15,559
What are you doing here?
1899
01:25:16,403 --> 01:25:18,190
Wait a minute, you know this d-bag?
1900
01:25:18,280 --> 01:25:19,270
Yeah.
1901
01:25:19,364 --> 01:25:22,323
- Is this the guy from last night?
- What guy from last night?
1902
01:25:22,492 --> 01:25:24,825
- Is he why you didn't come home?
- Did you fuck our sister?
1903
01:25:25,245 --> 01:25:26,827
- Oh, God.
- Language.
1904
01:25:26,997 --> 01:25:28,704
Did you eff our sister?
1905
01:25:28,874 --> 01:25:29,910
That's better.
1906
01:25:30,083 --> 01:25:32,575
Stop it, you guys.
I'm a grown woman!
1907
01:25:32,753 --> 01:25:34,119
Easy. She's right, boys. Easy.
1908
01:25:34,296 --> 01:25:36,083
Come on.
We're acting like animals.
1909
01:25:36,256 --> 01:25:38,293
I'm pretty sure that
your sister's had sex before,
1910
01:25:38,467 --> 01:25:41,130
and I can tell you that Peter
is a considerate lover.
1911
01:25:41,303 --> 01:25:42,544
- Oh, God!
- I'll vouch for that.
1912
01:25:42,721 --> 01:25:44,337
You come to my home.
1913
01:25:44,806 --> 01:25:48,345
To my father's wake
the day after fucking my sister?
1914
01:25:49,603 --> 01:25:50,969
I'm going to break your dick.
1915
01:25:51,063 --> 01:25:53,225
Liam, hold off.
1916
01:25:53,482 --> 01:25:55,519
I know I was saying
relax a couple of seconds ago.
1917
01:25:55,692 --> 01:25:58,526
But if someone came over to my house
and effed my grieving sister,
1918
01:25:58,695 --> 01:26:01,984
I'm pretty sure that I'd want to
just rip him limb to limb, okay?
1919
01:26:02,157 --> 01:26:03,864
I'd want to just mutilate his ass.
1920
01:26:04,034 --> 01:26:05,024
What?
1921
01:26:05,202 --> 01:26:06,409
Deservedly.
1922
01:26:06,578 --> 01:26:07,614
But guess what?
1923
01:26:07,704 --> 01:26:08,694
What?
1924
01:26:08,789 --> 01:26:11,532
Someone did just eff my grieving sister.
1925
01:26:11,917 --> 01:26:13,374
- Yeah.
- What?
1926
01:26:13,627 --> 01:26:15,084
Peter, do the honors. Chime in.
1927
01:26:15,253 --> 01:26:16,334
- No!
- Chime in.
1928
01:26:16,505 --> 01:26:18,792
I don't think we should do the honors.
1929
01:26:18,965 --> 01:26:23,050
Liam, Sean, darling Sarah...
1930
01:26:24,513 --> 01:26:28,598
Paddy's our father. You're our brothers.
You're our sister.
1931
01:26:28,684 --> 01:26:29,720
What?
1932
01:26:29,893 --> 01:26:31,555
What the fuck are you talking about?
1933
01:26:31,728 --> 01:26:33,185
What the hell is going on?
1934
01:26:33,814 --> 01:26:37,273
Our mom's name is Helen Baxter.
Did Paddy ever mention her?
1935
01:26:38,902 --> 01:26:40,814
- You're Helen's boys?
- Yes!
1936
01:26:41,488 --> 01:26:42,569
The twins?
1937
01:26:44,700 --> 01:26:46,316
You don't pick your family.
1938
01:26:47,202 --> 01:26:49,410
- Oh, God!
- I'm gonna fucking kill you!
1939
01:26:49,579 --> 01:26:51,366
- I'm going to fucking kill you!
- Seanie! Seanie!
1940
01:26:51,581 --> 01:26:53,868
Stop it! You two stay right here.
1941
01:26:54,042 --> 01:26:55,533
What is happening?
1942
01:26:55,711 --> 01:26:58,499
All right, everybody whose last name
isn't O'Callaghan, get in the house.
1943
01:26:59,256 --> 01:27:00,713
Come on, move.
1944
01:27:03,844 --> 01:27:06,086
Oh, fuck!
1945
01:27:08,432 --> 01:27:09,593
All right, settle in.
1946
01:27:10,434 --> 01:27:11,641
I'll try to clear this up for you.
1947
01:27:11,810 --> 01:27:12,800
Good.
1948
01:27:12,978 --> 01:27:14,844
Paddy could not be their father.
1949
01:27:15,021 --> 01:27:16,637
How do you know that, Kevin?
1950
01:27:16,815 --> 01:27:18,522
Because Paddy and their mother
never had sex.
1951
01:27:18,692 --> 01:27:19,682
What?
1952
01:27:20,652 --> 01:27:22,689
I mean, you can't know that for sure.
1953
01:27:22,863 --> 01:27:25,071
Paddy thought he was gonna marry
your mother.
1954
01:27:25,240 --> 01:27:27,106
And despite the sexual climate,
1955
01:27:27,284 --> 01:27:30,243
for him, that meant saving it
for their wedding night.
1956
01:27:30,412 --> 01:27:31,948
Yeah, like Sarah's saving her muff.
1957
01:27:32,247 --> 01:27:34,239
Shut the fuck up, Liam.
You're no angel.
1958
01:27:34,416 --> 01:27:35,702
Shut up, you two.
1959
01:27:35,876 --> 01:27:38,368
My brother Paddy
took this very seriously.
1960
01:27:39,212 --> 01:27:41,249
If you don't believe me,
ask your mother.
1961
01:27:42,174 --> 01:27:43,164
Not now,
1962
01:27:43,341 --> 01:27:44,422
you moron!
1963
01:27:44,593 --> 01:27:45,709
You said go ask Ma.
1964
01:27:45,802 --> 01:27:46,792
Sit down.
1965
01:27:46,887 --> 01:27:48,549
Jesus Christ! Sit down.
1966
01:27:49,347 --> 01:27:51,179
So what happened?
1967
01:27:51,349 --> 01:27:54,513
Well, what happened was
a guy by the name of Walter Tinkler.
1968
01:27:54,686 --> 01:27:56,848
A veterinarian student
from down in New York.
1969
01:27:57,022 --> 01:27:58,604
Dr. Tinkler? We know him!
1970
01:27:58,774 --> 01:28:00,561
The guy who killed Chairman Meow.
1971
01:28:00,734 --> 01:28:02,396
He didn't kill Chairman Meow.
1972
01:28:02,569 --> 01:28:05,607
Well, was Chairman Meow alive
when we dropped him off?
1973
01:28:05,781 --> 01:28:07,522
Was he dead when we picked him up?
1974
01:28:07,699 --> 01:28:09,156
In my book, that's murder.
1975
01:28:09,242 --> 01:28:13,156
Hey. Hey. It was just a fuckin' cat.
1976
01:28:13,705 --> 01:28:17,324
We both loved Chairman Meow.
1977
01:28:18,168 --> 01:28:22,003
I can't believe Tinkler's
been in our lives this whole time.
1978
01:28:22,172 --> 01:28:24,255
You see, this Tinkler guy
and your mother
1979
01:28:24,424 --> 01:28:27,963
had this on-again off-again relationship
apparently since high school.
1980
01:28:28,386 --> 01:28:31,550
Paddy was always worried
that she'd wind up going back to him.
1981
01:28:32,140 --> 01:28:34,678
Ultimately, she did.
1982
01:28:35,185 --> 01:28:38,769
But she did tell my brother she'd always
have a warm spot in the heart for him.
1983
01:28:39,105 --> 01:28:40,892
She let him down soft.
1984
01:28:41,066 --> 01:28:44,025
But this Tinkler guy
was the love of her life,
1985
01:28:44,194 --> 01:28:45,776
and that she was going to marry him.
1986
01:28:45,946 --> 01:28:48,359
Mom got married?
1987
01:28:48,532 --> 01:28:49,613
To Tinkler?
1988
01:28:49,783 --> 01:28:50,773
Last I heard...
1989
01:28:50,951 --> 01:28:53,364
She had twins and
moved back to Ohio to raise 'em.
1990
01:28:53,870 --> 01:28:54,860
What?
1991
01:28:55,372 --> 01:28:57,580
So, if their mom hadn't broken
our dad's heart,
1992
01:28:57,749 --> 01:28:59,536
then the three of us
1993
01:29:00,335 --> 01:29:01,542
never been born?
1994
01:29:01,920 --> 01:29:03,957
That's one way of looking at it.
1995
01:29:04,756 --> 01:29:06,372
Sorry, fellas...
1996
01:29:07,133 --> 01:29:08,419
You made me.
1997
01:29:10,220 --> 01:29:11,506
You gave me life.
1998
01:29:14,099 --> 01:29:17,137
That's not good logic.
1999
01:29:18,687 --> 01:29:22,021
That's all I got.
I'm stuck with this.
2000
01:29:22,649 --> 01:29:23,890
Enjoy your fuckin' life.
2001
01:29:24,067 --> 01:29:25,603
Thanks, Uncle Kevin.
2002
01:29:28,196 --> 01:29:29,732
And you two
2003
01:29:29,906 --> 01:29:32,319
are off the hook.
Officially.
2004
01:29:32,409 --> 01:29:33,399
Yeah.
2005
01:29:33,493 --> 01:29:35,155
You were sweatin' it there
for a second.
2006
01:29:35,412 --> 01:29:38,325
I was, too. I know I said it wasn't
a big deal, effing your sister.
2007
01:29:38,498 --> 01:29:39,488
It's a big deal.
2008
01:29:39,666 --> 01:29:42,079
- It's a big deal.
- It's criminal.
2009
01:29:44,546 --> 01:29:45,787
Oh, my God!
2010
01:29:45,964 --> 01:29:48,081
Looks like we're going home.
2011
01:30:08,236 --> 01:30:09,477
What was that?
2012
01:30:11,072 --> 01:30:12,438
You honked.
2013
01:30:13,491 --> 01:30:14,732
You asshole.
2014
01:30:27,422 --> 01:30:29,414
- Hello!
- Hello!
2015
01:30:29,716 --> 01:30:32,049
I just did...
2016
01:30:32,761 --> 01:30:33,842
Hello?
2017
01:30:34,012 --> 01:30:35,548
Yup. Heard you the first time.
2018
01:30:35,722 --> 01:30:37,008
Sorry.
2019
01:30:37,182 --> 01:30:38,263
How can I help you?
2020
01:30:38,433 --> 01:30:40,174
We really need to see
Dr. Tinkler.
2021
01:30:40,352 --> 01:30:42,093
- Kind of a family emergency.
- Yeah.
2022
01:30:42,437 --> 01:30:44,895
Well, I'm sorry. He's with a patient
and doesn't want to be disturbed.
2023
01:30:45,607 --> 01:30:47,894
Well, I'm sorry. We didn't want to
grow up without a father.
2024
01:30:48,068 --> 01:30:49,104
Yeah.
2025
01:30:49,194 --> 01:30:50,310
Could you please disturb him?
2026
01:30:50,487 --> 01:30:53,355
Okay, I can't really
speak to your experience.
2027
01:30:53,531 --> 01:30:55,523
Although I did
get kicked out of a threesome
2028
01:30:55,617 --> 01:30:57,028
in college and that was very traumatic.
2029
01:30:57,118 --> 01:30:58,234
- No.
- Yeah.
2030
01:30:59,162 --> 01:31:00,744
- They just kicked you out?
- Yes.
2031
01:31:01,081 --> 01:31:03,494
They went like this...
2032
01:31:03,792 --> 01:31:05,374
In flagrante and then you're gone?
2033
01:31:05,543 --> 01:31:07,705
They said I was underperforming.
I thought I was doing great.
2034
01:31:07,879 --> 01:31:09,711
Can we just stay focused here?
2035
01:31:09,881 --> 01:31:11,167
This is super important.
2036
01:31:11,341 --> 01:31:14,254
We have to see the doctor stat,
2037
01:31:14,427 --> 01:31:15,634
which is a medical term.
2038
01:31:15,804 --> 01:31:17,761
Okay, he has an opening...
2039
01:31:17,931 --> 01:31:19,138
Ooh! Thursday.
2040
01:31:19,224 --> 01:31:20,385
I'll pencil you in.
2041
01:31:20,475 --> 01:31:21,556
- No!
- Now!
2042
01:31:21,643 --> 01:31:23,885
- Pencil us in now!
- Right now! This is urgent.
2043
01:31:24,062 --> 01:31:25,223
Please!
2044
01:31:25,313 --> 01:31:28,897
Ali, could you bring me Butterball's
immunization records, please?
2045
01:31:28,984 --> 01:31:30,020
Hello.
2046
01:31:35,699 --> 01:31:36,940
Peter.
2047
01:31:38,827 --> 01:31:40,113
Kyle.
2048
01:31:41,204 --> 01:31:42,411
Walter.
2049
01:31:43,289 --> 01:31:44,496
Dad.
2050
01:31:48,211 --> 01:31:49,793
- What the... Come on.
- Get him.
2051
01:31:49,963 --> 01:31:51,829
You gotta get down here right away.
They're here.
2052
01:31:52,007 --> 01:31:53,873
Walter, what are you doing?
We're your sons.
2053
01:31:54,050 --> 01:31:55,257
Well, you gotta get down here.
2054
01:31:55,427 --> 01:31:58,135
Walter is your father?
You said you never wanted children!
2055
01:31:58,638 --> 01:32:00,630
I didn't. I don't.
Ali, it's complicated.
2056
01:32:00,807 --> 01:32:01,923
You know what's complicated?
2057
01:32:02,017 --> 01:32:03,133
Dating a man who went
to high school with my mother.
2058
01:32:03,309 --> 01:32:04,470
You should just open the door.
2059
01:32:04,978 --> 01:32:06,264
Second door, sucker.
2060
01:32:06,438 --> 01:32:07,645
Pete, I'm in.
2061
01:32:07,814 --> 01:32:10,602
- Now you're gonna talk.
- Kyle, please. Guys, calm down.
2062
01:32:10,775 --> 01:32:13,563
Your mother, I think,
really should have this conversation.
2063
01:32:13,737 --> 01:32:16,275
Well, that hasn't worked
for the last 40 years.
2064
01:32:16,448 --> 01:32:20,067
Look. We're not trying to
shake you down, Dad, we just wanna...
2065
01:32:23,163 --> 01:32:24,825
You sick son of a bitch.
2066
01:32:24,998 --> 01:32:27,081
Is this how you butchered Chairman Meow?
2067
01:32:27,292 --> 01:32:30,160
Nobody butchered Chairman Meow.
It's called putting him down.
2068
01:32:30,879 --> 01:32:32,165
It's called death.
2069
01:32:32,380 --> 01:32:33,996
Death. Yes.
2070
01:32:34,549 --> 01:32:36,791
It comes to us all. Even the kitties.
2071
01:32:36,968 --> 01:32:38,459
Enough, all right.
2072
01:32:38,845 --> 01:32:42,509
We know you're our father.
Why can't you just say it?
2073
01:32:42,682 --> 01:32:44,014
We just want some answers.
2074
01:32:44,434 --> 01:32:45,515
Ooh. Looky here.
2075
01:32:45,685 --> 01:32:48,769
Is this what you do?
You just shoot the cats in the head?
2076
01:32:48,938 --> 01:32:51,681
It's a tranquilizer gun.
Every vet has one.
2077
01:32:51,858 --> 01:32:54,100
Not on my watch.
You're not going to put him down.
2078
01:32:54,277 --> 01:32:56,269
- This has to stop.
- We're just snipping him.
2079
01:32:56,446 --> 01:32:57,903
This cat lives...
2080
01:33:00,742 --> 01:33:01,949
Pete, you gotta see this.
2081
01:33:02,118 --> 01:33:03,575
Kyle, stay focused.
2082
01:33:03,745 --> 01:33:05,452
Oh, my God. Those are huge.
2083
01:33:06,414 --> 01:33:08,246
Those are big balls.
2084
01:33:08,416 --> 01:33:11,159
- Unnerving.
- Gotta tip your hat to the little guy.
2085
01:33:11,336 --> 01:33:12,918
You're a doctor, is that normal?
2086
01:33:13,088 --> 01:33:15,375
No. Yeah. But for a gorilla.
2087
01:33:16,591 --> 01:33:18,833
That's beautiful. Well done.
2088
01:33:19,010 --> 01:33:20,501
Wow. That's...
2089
01:33:20,678 --> 01:33:21,668
He's gone!
2090
01:33:22,889 --> 01:33:24,175
We got a runner!
2091
01:33:25,266 --> 01:33:26,882
Run, Walter, run!
2092
01:33:27,060 --> 01:33:30,178
Where are you going?
We know where you live.
2093
01:33:32,482 --> 01:33:34,269
Whoa. You shot Dad.
2094
01:33:34,442 --> 01:33:36,604
Because this ends now.
2095
01:33:42,117 --> 01:33:43,233
Walter!
2096
01:33:44,160 --> 01:33:45,696
Is he all right?
Pete, you're a doctor, look.
2097
01:33:45,870 --> 01:33:47,577
- I know. I think he's okay.
- Sweetheart, come through.
2098
01:33:47,747 --> 01:33:48,954
Give him some water.
2099
01:33:49,124 --> 01:33:51,537
- Yeah, it's gonna be okay. Right?
- Give me your eyes. It's me, Kyle.
2100
01:33:51,709 --> 01:33:52,790
Why did you run?
2101
01:33:52,961 --> 01:33:54,543
You see how it feels?
It doesn't feel good.
2102
01:33:54,712 --> 01:33:55,702
Hey, come on.
2103
01:33:55,880 --> 01:33:57,712
What the fuck did you do to Walter?
2104
01:33:57,882 --> 01:33:58,963
Mom, what are you doing here?
2105
01:33:59,134 --> 01:34:00,841
Yeah, what are you doing here?
2106
01:34:01,010 --> 01:34:02,467
You just called me! Are you kidding?
2107
01:34:02,637 --> 01:34:07,132
I'm sorry. I got shot by a tranquilizer
dart and I'm a little woozy.
2108
01:34:07,725 --> 01:34:09,387
It was a whole... It's...
2109
01:34:09,561 --> 01:34:11,427
We shot him because
he was trying to escape.
2110
01:34:11,604 --> 01:34:12,594
What the hell, Mom?
2111
01:34:13,064 --> 01:34:16,648
I mean, our Dad was here the whole time.
You sent us on this wild goose chase.
2112
01:34:16,818 --> 01:34:18,229
Okay. This family has issues.
2113
01:34:18,403 --> 01:34:20,019
I didn't think you'd go, okay?
2114
01:34:20,196 --> 01:34:22,153
Although, I thought
it might be a nice idea
2115
01:34:22,240 --> 01:34:24,072
for you guys to go
on a road trip together,
2116
01:34:24,242 --> 01:34:27,326
since you can't stay in the
same room together for two minutes.
2117
01:34:27,495 --> 01:34:29,202
We can and we did.
2118
01:34:29,372 --> 01:34:31,079
Yeah, we drove halfway
around the country
2119
01:34:31,249 --> 01:34:33,115
looking for a guy
who lives next door to us.
2120
01:34:34,043 --> 01:34:35,579
By the way, kind of a bumpy ride.
2121
01:34:35,753 --> 01:34:38,416
He didn't live next door. He actually
lived three or four houses down.
2122
01:34:38,590 --> 01:34:40,377
- No, it's definitely our street.
- Over. But I know what you mean.
2123
01:34:40,550 --> 01:34:42,166
- No, it wasn't. It was the next street.
- It was.
2124
01:34:42,260 --> 01:34:43,250
Stop it!
2125
01:34:44,053 --> 01:34:45,214
Stop it!
2126
01:34:45,513 --> 01:34:47,926
Just take a big deep breath, okay?
2127
01:34:48,099 --> 01:34:49,965
Please. Sit down.
2128
01:34:50,560 --> 01:34:51,767
Sit down.
2129
01:34:53,813 --> 01:34:55,975
There's something I have to say.
2130
01:35:00,528 --> 01:35:02,645
It was, um...
2131
01:35:05,241 --> 01:35:10,862
Okay. It was December 1975,
three days before Christmas.
2132
01:35:11,080 --> 01:35:13,117
That's our birthday.
2133
01:35:13,208 --> 01:35:14,198
Yeah.
2134
01:35:14,292 --> 01:35:16,079
I was doing community outreach
2135
01:35:16,252 --> 01:35:21,418
working with women who were
in pretty bad situations.
2136
01:35:21,591 --> 01:35:23,753
What kind of bad situations?
2137
01:35:23,927 --> 01:35:24,917
Really bad, Kyle.
2138
01:35:25,011 --> 01:35:26,001
Drugs...
2139
01:35:26,387 --> 01:35:27,468
Abuse...
2140
01:35:27,639 --> 01:35:30,803
Destructive May-December relationships
they can't pry themselves away from?
2141
01:35:30,975 --> 01:35:35,640
Ali, don't bring your own drum
to the concert. Let Helen talk.
2142
01:35:37,649 --> 01:35:41,689
There was one young girl in particular
that I got very close to.
2143
01:35:42,153 --> 01:35:46,193
There was something
incredibly special about her.
2144
01:35:46,658 --> 01:35:48,900
She was six months pregnant.
2145
01:35:49,410 --> 01:35:51,993
She went into labor early.
2146
01:35:52,163 --> 01:35:54,371
It was dangerously early.
2147
01:35:54,540 --> 01:36:00,411
And she had a very, very long
and hard delivery.
2148
01:36:00,755 --> 01:36:02,587
But at the end,
2149
01:36:03,466 --> 01:36:09,303
she produced two beautiful baby boys.
2150
01:36:15,395 --> 01:36:17,011
Your birth mother...
2151
01:36:24,195 --> 01:36:25,686
Your mother...
2152
01:36:27,991 --> 01:36:29,573
Didn't survive.
2153
01:36:36,499 --> 01:36:38,866
Oh, my God. This just got really sad.
2154
01:36:39,043 --> 01:36:40,705
So, with no family on record,
2155
01:36:40,878 --> 01:36:43,370
the hospital was required
to call social services.
2156
01:36:43,548 --> 01:36:47,758
But Helen didn't want to put you
into that system and maybe get split up.
2157
01:36:47,927 --> 01:36:51,546
She loved you from
the moment she saw you.
2158
01:36:52,974 --> 01:36:55,341
So, I started the process of adoption.
2159
01:36:56,144 --> 01:36:58,010
Despite my objections.
2160
01:36:58,187 --> 01:36:59,849
See, much as I loved Helen...
2161
01:37:00,023 --> 01:37:04,518
I couldn't imagine sacrificing my future
for two tiny strangers. You know?
2162
01:37:04,694 --> 01:37:07,983
Kids were never part of my plan.
2163
01:37:08,698 --> 01:37:10,940
I'm better with animals, I guess.
2164
01:37:11,117 --> 01:37:15,532
Helen, on the other hand,
could imagine nothing else.
2165
01:37:15,788 --> 01:37:20,829
And I brought you here
to Westerville to raise you.
2166
01:37:37,268 --> 01:37:38,975
What was her name?
2167
01:37:39,520 --> 01:37:41,227
Our birth mother.
2168
01:37:43,024 --> 01:37:44,515
Jenny.
2169
01:37:48,321 --> 01:37:49,562
Jenny who?
2170
01:37:50,365 --> 01:37:51,901
I don't know.
2171
01:37:52,867 --> 01:37:57,658
The reason why young girls came to us
was because we didn't ask questions.
2172
01:37:58,998 --> 01:38:01,957
We weren't certain
that that was her real name.
2173
01:38:02,710 --> 01:38:04,542
What about our dad?
2174
01:38:06,381 --> 01:38:07,917
We never knew.
2175
01:38:08,299 --> 01:38:09,915
She wouldn't talk about it.
2176
01:38:11,219 --> 01:38:16,010
She just wanted to start a
new life for the three of you.
2177
01:38:38,579 --> 01:38:40,696
I need to get some air.
2178
01:38:46,671 --> 01:38:48,503
- I'll talk to him.
- Yeah.
2179
01:38:56,180 --> 01:38:57,216
Hey.
2180
01:38:58,266 --> 01:38:59,382
Talk to me.
2181
01:39:01,269 --> 01:39:03,477
What's going through your head?
2182
01:39:04,188 --> 01:39:06,976
Biological mother dies at child birth?
2183
01:39:07,150 --> 01:39:09,107
Which I guess is another way
of saying we killed her.
2184
01:39:09,277 --> 01:39:10,267
No.
2185
01:39:10,361 --> 01:39:12,068
At a certain point,
I just gotta say, you're right.
2186
01:39:12,238 --> 01:39:13,979
The universe is an asshole.
2187
01:39:14,157 --> 01:39:18,948
I think we're a couple of born losers
fulfilling our born loser identity.
2188
01:39:19,620 --> 01:39:22,033
I mean, you don't think
that's an asshole move?
2189
01:39:22,707 --> 01:39:24,369
Fuck the universe!
2190
01:39:25,793 --> 01:39:26,783
What do you call that?
2191
01:39:26,961 --> 01:39:31,922
I'll grant you, the universe is
a little wily, a little unpredictable.
2192
01:39:32,842 --> 01:39:38,213
But it's pretty fucking amazing
when you consider it also gave us Mom.
2193
01:39:40,016 --> 01:39:44,431
And Mom gave up everything for us.
2194
01:39:45,897 --> 01:39:48,765
Where would we be right now without Mom?
2195
01:39:48,941 --> 01:39:51,979
And I hate to even contemplate this.
2196
01:39:52,445 --> 01:39:55,563
We might be running around out there,
2197
01:39:57,283 --> 01:40:01,903
not even aware that each other exists.
2198
01:40:06,375 --> 01:40:07,661
We're not losers.
2199
01:40:07,835 --> 01:40:10,327
We're survivors. Okay?
2200
01:40:11,088 --> 01:40:13,671
And that's because of Mom.
2201
01:40:15,468 --> 01:40:19,963
And because of Mom, we can survive
anything the universe throws at us.
2202
01:40:22,183 --> 01:40:23,515
I like that.
2203
01:40:24,477 --> 01:40:26,389
All right. Good.
2204
01:40:26,562 --> 01:40:28,098
Survivors.
2205
01:40:29,440 --> 01:40:30,726
That's good.
2206
01:40:30,900 --> 01:40:34,484
But the universe
is on probation with me, Pete.
2207
01:40:34,862 --> 01:40:36,478
Fair enough.
2208
01:40:44,830 --> 01:40:49,700
I should've told you
as soon as you could understand,
2209
01:40:49,877 --> 01:40:52,039
but I didn't,
2210
01:40:53,089 --> 01:40:56,423
and it just got harder and harder.
2211
01:40:57,051 --> 01:40:58,758
I was so afraid.
2212
01:40:59,345 --> 01:41:00,426
Of what?
2213
01:41:01,430 --> 01:41:03,467
Of hurting you.
2214
01:41:05,726 --> 01:41:07,092
Losing you.
2215
01:41:10,982 --> 01:41:13,599
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
2216
01:41:13,818 --> 01:41:14,899
No.
2217
01:41:29,292 --> 01:41:30,408
So,
2218
01:41:32,837 --> 01:41:34,294
I got hit by a train.
2219
01:41:34,463 --> 01:41:37,251
You got hit by a train.
2220
01:41:40,177 --> 01:41:43,466
I'm gonna miss you.
2221
01:41:45,016 --> 01:41:49,511
Well, you get after that
fantastic girl of yours,
2222
01:41:49,687 --> 01:41:51,223
and give her Honi for me.
2223
01:41:51,397 --> 01:41:52,979
Fuck that! I'm gonna give you a Honi.
2224
01:41:53,149 --> 01:41:54,481
- I don't need a Honi. I'm good.
- You do need a Honi.
2225
01:41:54,650 --> 01:41:55,640
We all need Honis.
2226
01:41:55,735 --> 01:41:56,771
Hey! Peter.
2227
01:41:57,320 --> 01:41:59,232
- I'm giving you a Honi.
- All right.
2228
01:41:59,405 --> 01:42:01,021
You know what they say...
2229
01:42:01,949 --> 01:42:03,315
A Honi a day...
2230
01:42:31,062 --> 01:42:32,098
Blue, 32!
2231
01:42:32,188 --> 01:42:33,645
Hut! Hut!
2232
01:42:34,982 --> 01:42:36,098
In the end zone.
2233
01:42:37,652 --> 01:42:39,860
- Yeah! It's a catch!
- Oh!
2234
01:42:40,029 --> 01:42:41,065
Great throw, Dad.
2235
01:42:41,238 --> 01:42:42,854
Damn, you could've been in the NFL.
2236
01:42:42,948 --> 01:42:45,031
- Eh! Probably.
- Hey, you ready for this?
2237
01:42:45,201 --> 01:42:47,158
Probably could've been.
Yeah. Hit me. Hit me.
2238
01:42:50,831 --> 01:42:52,117
Oh, shit!
2239
01:42:52,667 --> 01:42:54,374
Boom! You like that?
2240
01:42:54,543 --> 01:42:56,409
Oh, my God. Nice hit.
2241
01:42:57,880 --> 01:42:59,087
Come here, you.
2242
01:43:00,591 --> 01:43:02,048
Oh, gross, guys.
2243
01:43:02,218 --> 01:43:03,584
Come on. Really?
2244
01:43:07,348 --> 01:43:09,556
Life is such a crazy ride.
2245
01:43:09,725 --> 01:43:13,309
One minute you're on this epic quest
with your brother...
2246
01:43:13,479 --> 01:43:16,643
The next minute you're getting
replaced by a monkey,
2247
01:43:16,816 --> 01:43:17,852
about to lose it all.
2248
01:43:18,025 --> 01:43:19,015
And the next minute,
2249
01:43:19,193 --> 01:43:22,686
you think your brother's been killed
by a speeding locomotive.
2250
01:43:22,863 --> 01:43:27,153
And the next minute you think your
brother's having sex with his sister.
2251
01:43:27,326 --> 01:43:29,238
But the next minute you're very happy
2252
01:43:29,328 --> 01:43:31,320
to find out that
she can't be your sister
2253
01:43:31,497 --> 01:43:34,365
because her father didn't believe
in premarital sex.
2254
01:43:34,667 --> 01:43:37,410
I'm not sure they're quite ready
to hear about all your adventures.
2255
01:43:37,920 --> 01:43:40,458
You're gonna have to educate those girls
about premarital sex,
2256
01:43:40,631 --> 01:43:44,966
because we come from a long line
of people with a zest for love making.
2257
01:43:45,136 --> 01:43:47,173
Never hold back on love.
2258
01:43:47,346 --> 01:43:49,178
You hear that? Never.
2259
01:43:49,348 --> 01:43:51,385
But let's not get distracted.
Now, where were we?
2260
01:43:51,559 --> 01:43:54,768
Yes, one minute, Dad's getting
replaced by a monkey...
2261
01:43:55,020 --> 01:43:56,636
Yeah, but the next minute
2262
01:43:56,897 --> 01:43:58,854
you're inventing an app
with your brother
2263
01:43:59,024 --> 01:44:02,392
that sends people optimistic messages
from the universe.
2264
01:44:02,778 --> 01:44:05,316
And then the next minute,
you're making $3.99...
2265
01:44:05,489 --> 01:44:07,947
- Every time it's downloaded.
- Every single time.
2266
01:44:08,117 --> 01:44:10,655
And the next minute,
it's been downloaded a million times.
2267
01:44:10,828 --> 01:44:12,319
A million times.
2268
01:44:14,582 --> 01:44:17,199
Hi, it's me. The Universe.
2269
01:44:17,376 --> 01:44:20,460
Remember, life is not a race.
2270
01:44:20,629 --> 01:44:22,746
It's the journey that counts.
2271
01:44:22,923 --> 01:44:24,039
Okay?
2272
01:44:24,800 --> 01:44:25,961
I love you.
2273
01:44:28,053 --> 01:44:30,420
By the way, the Illuminati is real.
2274
01:52:43,382 --> 01:52:44,372
English - SDH