1
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:55,087
Mom, can I have some ice cream?
2
00:00:55,171 --> 00:00:57,298
Hey, Bob, wait up.
3
00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:12,647
And the sunlight clasped the earth
4
00:01:12,730 --> 00:01:16,734
And the moonbeams kissed the sea
5
00:01:16,817 --> 00:01:20,780
What are all these kissings worth
6
00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:24,533
If thou kiss not me?
7
00:01:27,495 --> 00:01:28,746
That's it.
8
00:01:31,999 --> 00:01:33,876
- Mike.
- Mr. Brackett.
9
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:37,088
Okay, that Cameron Drake guy,
did you really teach him?
10
00:01:37,171 --> 00:01:40,758
Yes, I did, Mike.
Right here in this very room.
11
00:01:41,217 --> 00:01:43,135
Do you have a question
about the poem?
12
00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:45,263
Yes. Meredith.
13
00:01:45,346 --> 00:01:47,890
When Cameron went here
did he have a girlfriend?
14
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:49,475
- Please.
- Jack.
15
00:01:49,558 --> 00:01:51,060
- Mr. Brackett.
- Vicky.
16
00:01:51,852 --> 00:01:53,646
- Does this have to do with the poem?
- Oh, yeah.
17
00:01:53,729 --> 00:01:57,775
You have a comment about
English literature or Romantic poetry?
18
00:01:58,359 --> 00:01:59,860
- Absolutely.
- Oh, let's hear it.
19
00:02:00,236 --> 00:02:01,320
Well, when Cameron went here
20
00:02:01,404 --> 00:02:05,825
and he studied English literature
and Romantic poetry,
21
00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:07,702
was he really cute?
22
00:02:07,785 --> 00:02:10,830
No. No, he's had massive surgery.
A complete overhaul.
23
00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:12,373
He was an iguana.
24
00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:17,795
But, you know, he loved this poem.
25
00:02:20,464 --> 00:02:22,967
Excuse me. Mr. Brackett.
26
00:02:23,050 --> 00:02:24,677
Mr. Brackett.
27
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,054
- Jack.
- It's here.
28
00:02:27,138 --> 00:02:29,015
- What?
- From Indiana State.
29
00:02:29,098 --> 00:02:30,558
- Hey, Mr. Brackett.
- And? Hey, Joe.
30
00:02:30,641 --> 00:02:32,476
Mr. Brackett, will you open it?
It'll make it a lot easier.
31
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,938
I mean, what if I--
I mean, I'm not gonna get in.
32
00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:38,733
I bet that it just says,
"Nice try, you moron.
33
00:02:38,816 --> 00:02:42,069
- You loser. Get lost. Get out of here."
- That's not quite the way they put it.
34
00:02:42,153 --> 00:02:44,488
- Hey, coach.
- Hey.
35
00:02:44,572 --> 00:02:46,866
- Yes. You're in. Full scholarship.
- Yes? Yes?
36
00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:48,492
- Way to go.
- Yes.
37
00:02:49,744 --> 00:02:50,786
Yes.
38
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,789
- What he said was--
- You didn't understand what he said.
39
00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:55,207
Wait, wait. He's coming.
40
00:02:58,294 --> 00:03:01,005
Gentlemen, are we having a practice?
41
00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:04,508
We can't, you know. It's our coach.
42
00:03:04,592 --> 00:03:06,844
You know,
he's getting married this week.
43
00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:09,764
Yes, that's correct.
44
00:03:10,222 --> 00:03:11,974
And he's drunk.
45
00:03:13,476 --> 00:03:15,061
I'm drunk?
46
00:03:15,144 --> 00:03:17,146
Pretty soon!
47
00:03:23,652 --> 00:03:25,780
You guys.
48
00:03:28,157 --> 00:03:30,493
Congratulations, Mr. Brackett.
49
00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:41,295
You're so beautiful.
50
00:03:41,712 --> 00:03:42,963
Howard?
51
00:03:43,422 --> 00:03:44,799
You look exquisite.
52
00:03:44,882 --> 00:03:46,967
Oh, I just wish my folks were still here.
53
00:03:47,051 --> 00:03:50,554
They never thought it would happen.
They never thought I'd get married.
54
00:03:50,638 --> 00:03:54,892
We're your family now, dear.
I'm not just Howard's mom. I'm yours.
55
00:03:54,975 --> 00:03:56,018
Beware.
56
00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:58,729
But, honey, when you
walked in here last month, I almost died.
57
00:03:58,813 --> 00:04:01,649
- I didn't recognize you.
- She's worked very hard.
58
00:04:01,732 --> 00:04:03,109
- Isn't she a knockout?
- Absolutely.
59
00:04:03,192 --> 00:04:04,568
I just had been fat my whole life,
60
00:04:04,652 --> 00:04:07,113
and I was not gonna
waddle down that aisle.
61
00:04:07,196 --> 00:04:09,657
And when I saw
that Richard Simmons' infomercial...
62
00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:10,866
I love him.
63
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:13,744
Well, remember when he actually
went to that woman's house
64
00:04:13,828 --> 00:04:16,580
who lost over 400 pounds
using the tapes?
65
00:04:16,664 --> 00:04:18,582
- Yes.
- I just thought;
66
00:04:18,666 --> 00:04:21,085
"If she can do it, so can I."
67
00:04:21,168 --> 00:04:24,463
And you did. Bridal Barn, we salute you.
68
00:04:27,508 --> 00:04:29,343
- It's a straitjacket, is what it is.
- Dad.
69
00:04:29,427 --> 00:04:31,512
It's a classic, the J-12.
70
00:04:31,595 --> 00:04:33,431
You know, everybody in town's
been stopping by
71
00:04:33,514 --> 00:04:34,765
revving up for your nuptials.
72
00:04:34,849 --> 00:04:36,100
Look at this.
73
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:41,147
Oh, son. I don't know.
74
00:04:42,356 --> 00:04:43,983
The Tormé.
75
00:04:55,369 --> 00:04:58,330
Thank you. Well...
76
00:04:58,414 --> 00:05:01,333
In just a few short days,
Emily and I will be married.
77
00:05:01,417 --> 00:05:02,918
After three long years.
78
00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:05,004
What, you may be asking yourself,
was the problem?
79
00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:06,338
You said it.
80
00:05:08,924 --> 00:05:11,677
Well, Aunt Becky,
I think I have the answer.
81
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,554
I vowed that I would not be married
82
00:05:13,637 --> 00:05:16,640
until Cameron Drake
was nominated for an Oscar.
83
00:05:16,724 --> 00:05:17,850
I thought I was safe.
84
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,314
Now, tonight's the night,
for Cameron, at least,
85
00:05:23,397 --> 00:05:26,942
and so I'll let you all
get back to your sets.
86
00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:31,739
And this Sunday, thanks to my mom
and dad and Emily,
87
00:05:31,822 --> 00:05:33,866
it's gonna be the happiest day of my life.
88
00:05:43,417 --> 00:05:45,628
Wouldn't it be extraordinary
if Cameron actually wins?
89
00:05:45,711 --> 00:05:48,297
- You remember, I had him.
- You did?
90
00:05:48,380 --> 00:05:50,674
Yeah. I was a student teacher,
it was sophomore English.
91
00:05:50,758 --> 00:05:53,844
He used to come every day
after school for extra help.
92
00:05:53,928 --> 00:05:57,973
We spent the whole year reciting
Romeo and Juliet to each other.
93
00:05:58,057 --> 00:06:00,726
Oh, really? Just the two of you?
94
00:06:00,809 --> 00:06:03,646
He was just a student.
95
00:06:03,729 --> 00:06:05,689
Well, all right.
96
00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:08,859
Now, which channel?
97
00:06:09,902 --> 00:06:12,988
Who wants movie-style buttery lite?
98
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:14,740
Me. I do.
99
00:06:14,823 --> 00:06:17,743
- Score pads and pencils.
- Over here.
100
00:06:17,826 --> 00:06:18,869
Oh, thanks.
101
00:06:20,454 --> 00:06:23,040
Gretchen, what do you have
for Best Documentary?
102
00:06:23,123 --> 00:06:26,794
Something about Polish mine workers
and their struggle to be free.
103
00:06:26,877 --> 00:06:29,880
I hope that nice Sally Field wins.
104
00:06:29,964 --> 00:06:33,634
- But she's not nominated.
- Even so.
105
00:06:33,717 --> 00:06:35,094
It's almost time.
106
00:06:35,678 --> 00:06:38,264
- Well, turn it on. Turn it on.
- Turn it on.
107
00:06:45,396 --> 00:06:47,690
The place, Hollywood, U.S.A.
108
00:06:50,985 --> 00:06:53,195
This is Peter Malloy
for Inside Entertainment
109
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:56,073
inviting you to join me
for Hollywood's night of nights,
110
00:06:56,156 --> 00:06:58,742
the 68th Annual Academy Awards.
111
00:07:00,828 --> 00:07:03,956
Ladies and gentlemen,
here is another screen legend,
112
00:07:04,039 --> 00:07:06,250
an Oscar winner herself,
Miss Whoopi Goldberg.
113
00:07:06,333 --> 00:07:08,168
- Whoopi.
- Whoopi, I love you.
114
00:07:08,252 --> 00:07:09,420
Whoopi.
115
00:07:09,503 --> 00:07:12,798
So, Whoop,
Cameron Drake, his chances?
116
00:07:12,881 --> 00:07:14,341
I think this kid is incredible.
117
00:07:14,425 --> 00:07:16,969
- He is so sexy, so sweet.
- It's Cameron.
118
00:07:17,052 --> 00:07:18,304
I mean, I just adore him.
119
00:07:18,387 --> 00:07:21,015
I mean, he's just the best there is,
you know.
120
00:07:21,098 --> 00:07:22,516
It's Cameron Drake.
121
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:23,684
There he is.
122
00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:25,644
Look.
123
00:07:27,104 --> 00:07:29,815
Cameron, Cameron, Cameron,
124
00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:36,155
Cameron, Cameron, Cameron
125
00:07:40,367 --> 00:07:42,953
He is just so cool.
126
00:07:43,037 --> 00:07:46,165
- What is that stuff on his chin?
- It looks like a troll doll.
127
00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:48,959
- Did he just wake up?
- Shut up.
128
00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:53,505
Ladies and gentlemen, here comes
America's hottest young star
129
00:07:53,589 --> 00:07:56,800
and People magazine's
sexiest man of the year, poor guy,
130
00:07:56,884 --> 00:07:58,302
Cameron Drake.
131
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:01,430
- Hello.
- Hey.
132
00:08:01,513 --> 00:08:02,723
Hey.
133
00:08:06,518 --> 00:08:08,854
- So, Cameron, tonight's the big night.
- Cameron!
134
00:08:08,937 --> 00:08:12,441
- All the marbles. Planet Cameron.
- Right.
135
00:08:12,524 --> 00:08:14,902
- Excuse me?
- I said right.
136
00:08:14,985 --> 00:08:16,070
- Yeah.
- Right.
137
00:08:16,153 --> 00:08:18,322
Everyone's saying
you won't be going home empty-handed.
138
00:08:18,405 --> 00:08:21,116
How do you feel about that?
And speak up.
139
00:08:21,784 --> 00:08:26,497
Well, basically to me,
awards are meaningless.
140
00:08:27,706 --> 00:08:31,669
I'm an artist. It's about the work.
All the nominees are artists.
141
00:08:31,752 --> 00:08:35,506
We shouldn't be forced
to compete with each other like dogs.
142
00:08:35,589 --> 00:08:37,299
I hear you. Good point.
143
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:39,426
So then why are you here?
144
00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:40,969
In case I win.
145
00:08:48,519 --> 00:08:50,771
Cameron!
146
00:08:51,605 --> 00:08:55,067
And now we return
to the 68th Annual Academy A wards.
147
00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:58,570
Coming up, the Oscar for
best performance by an actor.
148
00:08:58,654 --> 00:09:02,032
Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Glenn Close.
149
00:09:19,675 --> 00:09:22,720
And now our final nominee
for Best Actor.
150
00:09:22,803 --> 00:09:24,054
Cameron Drake.
151
00:09:31,395 --> 00:09:35,190
Cameron rocketed to stardom
with courage and charisma
152
00:09:35,274 --> 00:09:38,360
tackling the role of a brave gay soldier
153
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:41,780
in the breakthrough film
To Serve and Protect.
154
00:09:56,754 --> 00:09:58,464
You're gonna make it, Danny.
155
00:09:59,757 --> 00:10:01,300
I love you, Billy.
156
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:06,597
Wait. Do you love me as a friend
or in another way?
157
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,766
Another way, Billy.
158
00:10:08,849 --> 00:10:10,893
You mean as a brother?
159
00:10:10,976 --> 00:10:13,645
No, another way.
160
00:10:13,729 --> 00:10:17,149
- You mean as a cousin?
- No, another way.
161
00:10:18,776 --> 00:10:20,944
You mean as a pen pal?
162
00:10:21,028 --> 00:10:23,030
My legs hurt.
163
00:10:34,583 --> 00:10:36,126
Proceed.
164
00:10:40,088 --> 00:10:41,173
Lieutenant Stevens,
165
00:10:41,256 --> 00:10:45,886
you've been awarded two Purple Hearts
and a Congressional Medal of Honor.
166
00:10:45,969 --> 00:10:48,096
You saved the lives of your entire unit.
167
00:10:49,014 --> 00:10:51,892
However, your sergeant
has come across
168
00:10:51,975 --> 00:10:54,186
the following items in your footlocker.
169
00:10:54,269 --> 00:10:57,064
Will you kindly tell the court
if they are yours?
170
00:10:57,481 --> 00:10:59,733
A personal letter to another soldier.
171
00:10:59,817 --> 00:11:01,318
Oh, no.
172
00:11:01,401 --> 00:11:02,820
Yes, sir.
173
00:11:02,903 --> 00:11:07,407
A photograph signed,
"Danny, San Francisco."
174
00:11:07,491 --> 00:11:08,534
Yes, sir.
175
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:19,336
And finally, an autographed copy
of Beaches starring Bette Midler.
176
00:11:19,628 --> 00:11:20,671
Give that back.
177
00:11:20,921 --> 00:11:23,006
Discharge. Dishonorable.
178
00:11:32,724 --> 00:11:34,935
They're kicking him out.
179
00:11:35,018 --> 00:11:36,436
That's not fair.
180
00:11:37,604 --> 00:11:39,481
I mean, he killed people.
181
00:11:47,447 --> 00:11:49,992
Danny, I just don't know.
182
00:11:50,075 --> 00:11:51,243
Did I do the right thing?
183
00:11:53,829 --> 00:11:55,247
Ask him.
184
00:11:57,124 --> 00:12:02,004
Well, Mr. President,
am I still a good American?
185
00:12:07,092 --> 00:12:08,635
It's a statue, Billy.
186
00:12:12,347 --> 00:12:15,851
Oh, Danny. I love you.
187
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:19,688
Come on, let's go home.
188
00:12:24,568 --> 00:12:25,986
Billy?
189
00:12:30,657 --> 00:12:32,367
Billy.
190
00:12:35,829 --> 00:12:37,289
Billy.
191
00:12:38,999 --> 00:12:41,001
Billy!
192
00:12:47,424 --> 00:12:49,551
Oh, look, here he is.
193
00:12:54,264 --> 00:12:58,518
This is Cameron's first nomination,
and he's in extremely good company.
194
00:12:58,977 --> 00:13:02,147
Tonight, he joins fellow
Best Actor nominees;
195
00:13:02,230 --> 00:13:04,524
Paul Newman for Coot.
196
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:09,738
Clint Eastwood for Codger.
197
00:13:11,615 --> 00:13:14,785
Michael Douglas for Primary Urges.
198
00:13:19,957 --> 00:13:23,627
And Steven Seagal for Snowball in Hell.
199
00:13:26,713 --> 00:13:27,965
And the winner is;
200
00:13:31,009 --> 00:13:33,929
Cameron Drake, To Serve and Protect.
201
00:13:34,012 --> 00:13:36,556
Oh, my God.
202
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,517
- Oh, my God.
- Yes.
203
00:13:39,643 --> 00:13:42,396
That's it! Yes!
204
00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:48,568
Doofus, doofus, doofus.
205
00:13:48,652 --> 00:13:53,156
Doofus, doofus, doofus.
206
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:56,576
- That's our boy. He did it. Look at that.
- Look at him. Oh, my God.
207
00:13:59,579 --> 00:14:02,040
Thank you. Thank you.
208
00:14:04,209 --> 00:14:05,836
Nice, man.
209
00:14:07,295 --> 00:14:08,797
Nice.
210
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:14,511
I'd like to thank a great director,
an incredible cast,
211
00:14:14,594 --> 00:14:16,888
my agent and my new agent.
212
00:14:16,972 --> 00:14:20,851
But I'm just an actor playing someone.
213
00:14:20,934 --> 00:14:24,271
This really belongs
to all the gay soldiers and sailors
214
00:14:24,354 --> 00:14:26,398
and other guys and women
215
00:14:26,481 --> 00:14:30,569
who defend this country to keep us free
but can't date.
216
00:14:35,991 --> 00:14:39,578
So maybe I should thank someone else.
217
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:40,871
Someone who's really been there.
218
00:14:40,954 --> 00:14:45,083
Someone who taught me a lot
about poetry and Shakespeare,
219
00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:49,796
and just, like, you know,
staying awake, man.
220
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:53,842
Someone who's just
an overall great guy and a great teacher.
221
00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:57,054
To Howard Brackett
from Greenleaf, Indiana.
222
00:14:57,137 --> 00:14:59,306
- Look at that.
- Oh, my God.
223
00:14:59,389 --> 00:15:01,808
Oh, I can't believe it.
224
00:15:04,102 --> 00:15:05,479
And he's gay.
225
00:15:12,194 --> 00:15:14,196
You know, I've been thinking a lot
about this night,
226
00:15:15,197 --> 00:15:19,451
and I've decided to dedicate
this whole night to a great gay teacher.
227
00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:23,497
Mr. Brackett, we won.
228
00:15:50,899 --> 00:15:52,275
Howard?
229
00:15:54,903 --> 00:15:56,446
- Howard.
- Precious.
230
00:15:56,530 --> 00:15:59,533
- Howard, what is he talking about?
- I have no idea.
231
00:16:02,202 --> 00:16:03,411
What?
232
00:16:08,458 --> 00:16:11,086
Mom. Dad.
233
00:16:12,254 --> 00:16:14,381
Is there something you wanna tell us?
234
00:16:14,464 --> 00:16:16,091
Something about the wedding?
235
00:16:17,008 --> 00:16:18,051
I'm not gay.
236
00:16:20,137 --> 00:16:22,681
- Of course not.
- No, no, no.
237
00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:23,890
My son's not gay.
238
00:16:23,974 --> 00:16:25,684
- No way.
- No how.
239
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:27,352
- No dice.
- Nowhere.
240
00:16:27,435 --> 00:16:29,980
- No, sir.
- But that boy on television...
241
00:16:30,063 --> 00:16:32,941
I don't know what that was about.
I am outraged.
242
00:16:33,024 --> 00:16:35,610
- I may hire an attorney. I may sue.
- That's right. That's right.
243
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:37,154
- That's a very good idea.
- You think?
244
00:16:37,237 --> 00:16:39,614
Get that Johnnie Cochran,
not that woman.
245
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:43,076
Good idea. Now, we have to remember,
he's been in Hollywood a long time,
246
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,620
and he may be under
the influence of something.
247
00:16:45,704 --> 00:16:48,665
- Or he may have joined a cult.
- Oh, my Lord.
248
00:16:48,748 --> 00:16:49,833
That little zombie.
249
00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:52,878
His family was... Oh, I hate to say this.
250
00:16:53,336 --> 00:16:56,631
But when they lived here,
they were not active in the PTA.
251
00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:58,717
He used to mow our lawn.
252
00:16:58,800 --> 00:16:59,885
Never again.
253
00:17:01,052 --> 00:17:03,597
Howard, we want you to know
254
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,641
you're our son
and we'll always love you.
255
00:17:06,725 --> 00:17:08,560
Gay, straight, red, green.
256
00:17:08,643 --> 00:17:11,062
If you rob a bank, if you kill someone.
257
00:17:11,146 --> 00:17:14,524
If you get drunk, climb a clock tower
and take out the town.
258
00:17:15,275 --> 00:17:17,611
As long as you get married.
259
00:17:17,694 --> 00:17:19,070
I need that wedding.
260
00:17:19,154 --> 00:17:22,866
I need some beauty, and some music,
and some place cards before I die.
261
00:17:22,949 --> 00:17:24,201
It's like heroin.
262
00:17:25,035 --> 00:17:26,703
Do you hear me, Howard?
263
00:17:33,335 --> 00:17:35,003
Emily, can we give you a lift?
264
00:17:37,923 --> 00:17:39,633
Will you be all right?
265
00:17:39,716 --> 00:17:42,636
Of course. I'm fine.
266
00:17:42,719 --> 00:17:44,429
We're getting married.
267
00:17:44,512 --> 00:17:45,889
I love you.
268
00:17:50,352 --> 00:17:51,645
Good night.
269
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,277
Hello.
270
00:17:59,361 --> 00:18:00,987
No, I'm not.
271
00:18:47,033 --> 00:18:48,660
Oh, we're so late.
272
00:19:01,464 --> 00:19:03,091
All right, let's go.
273
00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:19,357
There he is. That's him. Guys.
274
00:19:19,441 --> 00:19:21,359
- Hey.
- Howard. Howard.
275
00:19:21,443 --> 00:19:23,111
- Howard.
- Howard.
276
00:19:24,654 --> 00:19:26,865
- Care to comment?
- Mr. Brackett.
277
00:19:27,490 --> 00:19:29,034
Are you a spokesperson?
278
00:19:29,117 --> 00:19:30,493
Do you have a boyfriend?
279
00:19:30,577 --> 00:19:34,205
- I am getting married. I am not gay.
- Do you know Ellen?
280
00:19:37,459 --> 00:19:40,003
A teacher in trouble,
a town under siege,
281
00:19:40,086 --> 00:19:41,880
a journey to the heartland.
282
00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:44,007
Peter Malloy. Stay tuned.
283
00:19:44,758 --> 00:19:45,800
- Howard.
- Howard.
284
00:19:45,884 --> 00:19:48,011
Should gays be allowed
to handle fresh produce?
285
00:19:48,094 --> 00:19:50,722
I don't care. This is a classroom.
286
00:19:53,683 --> 00:19:55,101
Class.
287
00:19:56,102 --> 00:19:57,479
So where were we?
288
00:19:58,855 --> 00:20:01,524
Romantic poetry. Shakespeare.
289
00:20:01,608 --> 00:20:04,027
Talented, English, dead.
290
00:20:04,486 --> 00:20:05,528
The sonnets.
291
00:20:05,612 --> 00:20:07,781
Shall I compare thee
To a summer's gay?
292
00:20:07,864 --> 00:20:09,908
Thou art more lovely
And more temperate.
293
00:20:11,451 --> 00:20:13,703
Rough winds do shape
The darling buds of May
294
00:20:13,787 --> 00:20:15,205
And sum...
295
00:20:26,466 --> 00:20:27,759
Okay.
296
00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:30,512
Let's get it out into the open right now.
297
00:20:30,595 --> 00:20:32,555
What's on your mind?
What do you wanna know?
298
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,558
Is it true?
299
00:20:36,476 --> 00:20:40,188
Of course not.
I'm getting married in three days.
300
00:20:40,563 --> 00:20:42,482
See? I knew it.
301
00:20:42,565 --> 00:20:45,026
- Told you.
- All right. Class, class.
302
00:20:45,110 --> 00:20:47,987
But why did he say it on TV
in front of the whole world?
303
00:20:48,071 --> 00:20:50,615
Yeah. I mean, were you, like,
incredibly embarrassed?
304
00:20:50,698 --> 00:20:53,076
Did you just wanna
stick a grenade in your mouth?
305
00:20:53,618 --> 00:20:56,121
We... All right. Okay, that's...
Class, class.
306
00:20:56,204 --> 00:20:58,706
I don't know why he said it.
I've been trying to figure that out,
307
00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:01,626
but that is not why we're here today.
We're here today...
308
00:21:01,709 --> 00:21:04,003
- Mr. Brackett. Mr. Brackett.
- Mike.
309
00:21:05,255 --> 00:21:07,715
Well, I've been thinking about it
all night.
310
00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:09,634
Why would that guy say you were gay?
311
00:21:09,717 --> 00:21:11,136
And I got it figured out. I got it.
312
00:21:12,887 --> 00:21:15,014
- What have you got?
- Look at you.
313
00:21:15,557 --> 00:21:17,225
- I beg your pardon?
- I mean, no offense,
314
00:21:17,308 --> 00:21:20,228
- but you're an English teacher.
- Exactly.
315
00:21:20,311 --> 00:21:23,565
I mean, all this poetry
and odes and bonnets.
316
00:21:23,648 --> 00:21:24,774
"Sonnets?"
317
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,568
And you're kind of prissy.
318
00:21:27,569 --> 00:21:30,071
- "Prissy"?
- Well, not in a bad way.
319
00:21:30,155 --> 00:21:33,116
- I mean, like, you're smart.
- And well-dressed.
320
00:21:33,199 --> 00:21:35,368
- And really clean.
- It doesn't look good.
321
00:21:35,452 --> 00:21:38,913
And plus, you got the drama club,
and you ride that bicycle.
322
00:21:39,372 --> 00:21:43,126
You've been engaged to
Miss Montgomery for like three years.
323
00:21:43,209 --> 00:21:44,878
- What does that have to...?
- Think about it.
324
00:21:44,961 --> 00:21:47,964
If you add it up,
of course the guy thinks you're gay.
325
00:21:49,757 --> 00:21:50,800
And plus,
326
00:21:51,134 --> 00:21:54,012
he was in that movie.
327
00:21:54,095 --> 00:21:57,682
So his brain is, like,
already going that way,
328
00:21:57,765 --> 00:22:00,393
and then he remembers you,
329
00:22:00,477 --> 00:22:05,690
and he goes, "Smart, clean,
totally decent human being... gay."
330
00:22:06,024 --> 00:22:07,317
Yeah.
331
00:22:10,028 --> 00:22:12,780
- Gays in the space program...
- Lesbians on Mars?
332
00:22:12,864 --> 00:22:15,533
- Do you have any comment...
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
333
00:22:17,577 --> 00:22:20,163
Mr. Brackett. Boys and girls.
334
00:22:20,705 --> 00:22:23,333
- Mr. Halliwell.
- Howard, could... Could I...
335
00:22:24,626 --> 00:22:26,252
Class, excuse me.
336
00:22:26,794 --> 00:22:30,006
The school is surrounded.
There are TV cameras, reporters.
337
00:22:30,089 --> 00:22:31,966
See? They want pictures of the gay guy.
338
00:22:36,471 --> 00:22:37,847
I tried to reason with them.
339
00:22:37,931 --> 00:22:40,475
I told them
I was the principal and they...
340
00:22:41,351 --> 00:22:43,937
- They mocked me.
- I'm sorry.
341
00:22:44,020 --> 00:22:46,272
Could you...? Could you talk to them?
342
00:22:46,356 --> 00:22:47,732
Right away.
343
00:22:48,900 --> 00:22:52,529
- Class, page 58.
- Yes, learn... Learn all... All you can.
344
00:22:52,612 --> 00:22:54,197
- Mr. Brackett.
- Yes?
345
00:22:55,365 --> 00:22:56,407
Watch the hands.
346
00:22:58,368 --> 00:23:00,411
Good... Good point.
347
00:23:01,246 --> 00:23:04,207
Howard, are you gay? Are you gay?
348
00:23:05,833 --> 00:23:08,586
I'm sorry, I think that
the jury is still out on this.
349
00:23:08,670 --> 00:23:11,089
No way.
He's been here for how many years?
350
00:23:11,172 --> 00:23:13,132
Oh, come on. I always knew.
351
00:23:13,216 --> 00:23:15,885
Well, I say bravo.
It's a blow for freedom.
352
00:23:15,969 --> 00:23:18,805
Good for Howard.
To quote Mr. Bob Dylan,
353
00:23:18,888 --> 00:23:21,099
"How many roads
must a man walk down
354
00:23:21,182 --> 00:23:22,725
"before we call him a man?"
355
00:23:22,809 --> 00:23:25,687
- Ed, don't. It's early.
- Knew what?
356
00:23:25,770 --> 00:23:29,065
And how many seas
Must the white dove sail
357
00:23:29,148 --> 00:23:31,484
- Ed, please.
- Before she sleeps...
358
00:23:31,568 --> 00:23:32,860
- Shut up, Ed.
- Trina.
359
00:23:32,944 --> 00:23:34,279
We're talking about Howard.
360
00:23:34,821 --> 00:23:36,197
Why are we talking about Howard?
361
00:23:37,073 --> 00:23:38,866
Because he likes dick, Carl.
362
00:23:43,246 --> 00:23:45,540
Good morning, everyone. How are you?
363
00:23:46,541 --> 00:23:48,334
- Hey.
- Hey. Terrific.
364
00:23:48,418 --> 00:23:51,879
Fabulous.
Is that Xerox still on the fritz?
365
00:23:51,963 --> 00:23:53,881
- How are you, sunshine?
- Oh, fine.
366
00:23:53,965 --> 00:23:55,008
Oh, look at you.
367
00:23:56,175 --> 00:23:57,468
Dick who?
368
00:23:58,428 --> 00:24:00,805
He's getting married this week.
369
00:24:00,888 --> 00:24:03,266
See? He's not gay. I told you.
370
00:24:03,349 --> 00:24:06,978
- But think about it. I mean, gay guys.
- I don't wanna think about it.
371
00:24:07,061 --> 00:24:10,815
There's only two times
where it's okay to do, like, gay stuff.
372
00:24:10,898 --> 00:24:13,860
- Two, like, emergency situations.
- What? Which situations?
373
00:24:13,943 --> 00:24:16,112
- Prison, when it's like a substitute...
- Right.
374
00:24:16,195 --> 00:24:17,405
Or guys in space...
375
00:24:17,488 --> 00:24:18,823
Guys in space?
376
00:24:18,906 --> 00:24:22,785
Well, not on purpose. It just happens
because they're weightless
377
00:24:22,869 --> 00:24:25,455
and they float into each other
when they're asleep.
378
00:24:27,790 --> 00:24:29,459
You're so lame.
379
00:24:29,542 --> 00:24:31,878
Well, I know it's wrong.
380
00:24:31,961 --> 00:24:35,006
It's against, like, nature.
It's basic plumbing.
381
00:24:35,089 --> 00:24:38,051
- What?
- It's the human body.
382
00:24:38,134 --> 00:24:41,179
It's divided up
into in-holes and out-holes.
383
00:24:41,262 --> 00:24:44,724
And stuff is supposed to go in
the in-holes and come out the out-holes.
384
00:24:44,807 --> 00:24:49,354
But gay guys,
they, like, put stuff in the out-holes.
385
00:24:50,855 --> 00:24:53,983
Wait. So is your mouth like an in-hole?
386
00:24:54,067 --> 00:24:57,612
Right. Because you put burgers in it
and brew.
387
00:24:57,695 --> 00:25:01,491
Unless you're sick and you puke,
and then it's an out-hole. So it's wrong.
388
00:25:06,037 --> 00:25:07,747
Guys, guys, come on. Hustle.
389
00:25:07,830 --> 00:25:09,791
You're gonna be late for class. Let's go.
390
00:25:12,460 --> 00:25:13,503
What's going on?
391
00:25:15,338 --> 00:25:17,632
Mr. Brackett, could you, like, excuse us?
392
00:25:18,424 --> 00:25:19,467
Why?
393
00:25:20,802 --> 00:25:22,303
Mike's being a jerk.
394
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,765
No. Just until we're, like,
dressed and ready.
395
00:25:26,432 --> 00:25:28,267
This doesn't have anything
to do with the Oscars
396
00:25:28,351 --> 00:25:29,894
and Cameron Drake, does it?
397
00:25:30,603 --> 00:25:32,522
- No. Come on.
- Of course not.
398
00:25:34,273 --> 00:25:35,316
Well, what is it, then?
399
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:38,736
Well, it's just,
before the Oscars it was different.
400
00:25:38,820 --> 00:25:40,571
I mean, you weren't...
401
00:25:42,156 --> 00:25:43,241
I wasn't what?
402
00:25:46,202 --> 00:25:47,328
Famous.
403
00:25:54,711 --> 00:25:56,546
You guys.
404
00:26:16,149 --> 00:26:17,608
Peter Malloy, network.
405
00:26:18,317 --> 00:26:20,528
No, no, no. No more interviews. No.
406
00:26:20,611 --> 00:26:22,572
I have nothing to say.
I have no comments...
407
00:26:23,656 --> 00:26:27,285
I... I have no thoughts on gay marriage,
I did not see The Birdcage,
408
00:26:27,368 --> 00:26:29,829
- and I'm trying to have my dinner.
- Oh, of course. I'm sorry.
409
00:26:30,955 --> 00:26:32,915
You should be.
What are you sitting down for?
410
00:26:33,249 --> 00:26:35,209
You people, you people...
Have some decency.
411
00:26:35,293 --> 00:26:38,588
You've been hounding me all day.
At my school, at my home.
412
00:26:38,671 --> 00:26:40,381
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
413
00:26:40,465 --> 00:26:42,550
I am, of those leeches.
414
00:26:42,633 --> 00:26:45,553
They have no right to pry into your life.
They're sleazy.
415
00:26:45,636 --> 00:26:48,014
I don't know.
I kind of like that Barbara Walters.
416
00:26:48,389 --> 00:26:49,932
Did Barbara call you?
417
00:26:50,641 --> 00:26:51,809
No.
418
00:26:54,437 --> 00:26:56,397
Howard.
419
00:26:56,481 --> 00:26:57,690
Howard.
420
00:26:57,774 --> 00:26:59,984
- No.
- Oh, Howard.
421
00:27:00,067 --> 00:27:02,570
- Leave me alone, you smut peddler.
- Oh, Howard.
422
00:27:02,653 --> 00:27:05,782
- You professional gossip with a tan.
- Howard, will you get real?
423
00:27:07,408 --> 00:27:08,785
- Look at me.
- Why?
424
00:27:09,285 --> 00:27:12,079
Well, sure, I look great,
but my ratings...
425
00:27:12,163 --> 00:27:15,750
Look, everyone wants to talk
to Diane Sawyer or Joan Lunden,
426
00:27:15,833 --> 00:27:17,335
and my network's killing me.
427
00:27:17,418 --> 00:27:19,796
- They want me blond.
- With your coloring?
428
00:27:19,879 --> 00:27:23,090
Look, all those reporters,
after today, they're gone.
429
00:27:23,174 --> 00:27:25,009
They've got their story.
430
00:27:25,092 --> 00:27:27,845
But I care. I am doing a full week.
431
00:27:29,263 --> 00:27:30,890
A week? No, you can't.
432
00:27:30,973 --> 00:27:33,100
Oh, but I have to. It's too good.
433
00:27:33,184 --> 00:27:35,686
No, no. I have classes to teach.
I'm getting married.
434
00:27:35,770 --> 00:27:38,856
- I'll be there.
- No. I'll... I'll kill you.
435
00:27:38,940 --> 00:27:42,235
But it's classic.
Sex, a small town, and a movie star.
436
00:27:42,318 --> 00:27:43,736
Why can't you see that?
437
00:27:43,820 --> 00:27:46,280
"Howard Brackett: In and Out."
438
00:27:47,490 --> 00:27:51,410
My God, you are pure television.
439
00:27:52,036 --> 00:27:53,162
Stop it.
440
00:27:54,038 --> 00:27:55,081
Good night.
441
00:28:04,340 --> 00:28:05,550
Guys, remember...
442
00:28:05,633 --> 00:28:07,093
- I got that one.
- Thanks, Dean.
443
00:28:07,176 --> 00:28:11,138
Don't say nothing about the Oscars
or Cameron Drake. None of that.
444
00:28:14,183 --> 00:28:15,685
I think he's coming.
445
00:28:28,656 --> 00:28:29,740
He's here.
446
00:28:29,824 --> 00:28:31,659
Yeah!
447
00:28:32,702 --> 00:28:33,953
There you go.
448
00:28:34,745 --> 00:28:36,497
Yeah, baby.
449
00:28:38,875 --> 00:28:41,210
- Are we gonna have a bachelor party?
- Yeah!
450
00:28:41,294 --> 00:28:43,462
- Are we gonna get down and dirty?
- Yeah!
451
00:28:43,546 --> 00:28:45,673
Disgustingly puking gross?
452
00:28:46,841 --> 00:28:48,759
We've been working on this
for weeks, man,
453
00:28:48,843 --> 00:28:51,971
and we got all your favorite stuff,
everything you love.
454
00:28:52,054 --> 00:28:53,973
- Hit me.
- Oh, yeah.
455
00:28:55,141 --> 00:28:59,478
What are we talking about here?
Triple X, Little Oral Annie, Traci Lords?
456
00:28:59,562 --> 00:29:01,230
Lay some adult video on me.
457
00:29:01,314 --> 00:29:02,940
We got it. Uncut.
458
00:29:03,274 --> 00:29:05,651
- Funny Girl.
- Yeah!
459
00:29:10,323 --> 00:29:12,158
- Funny Girl?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
460
00:29:12,241 --> 00:29:14,368
I don't believe this. Barbra Streisand?
461
00:29:14,452 --> 00:29:16,454
You had that little film festival
last year.
462
00:29:16,537 --> 00:29:18,789
- You made us watch all her movies.
- It was fun.
463
00:29:18,873 --> 00:29:20,625
- It was great. I loved it.
- Guys.
464
00:29:20,708 --> 00:29:23,044
Guys, I'm truly offended. I...
465
00:29:23,127 --> 00:29:25,004
Don't you see
this is precisely the reason
466
00:29:25,087 --> 00:29:27,173
why Cameron Drake
and half the civilized world
467
00:29:27,256 --> 00:29:29,216
think that I'm... You know.
468
00:29:29,300 --> 00:29:31,594
- Oh, no.
- No, no, no.
469
00:29:31,677 --> 00:29:33,971
- You're a guy's guy.
- No, no, no, that's not true.
470
00:29:34,055 --> 00:29:38,851
Well, I don't know how this got started,
but this is my god damn bachelor party
471
00:29:38,935 --> 00:29:41,562
and I am not going to god damn watch...
472
00:29:41,646 --> 00:29:44,273
Pardon my split infinitive... Funny Girl.
473
00:29:44,357 --> 00:29:47,276
- Me neither. I hate that crap.
- Thank you.
474
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:48,945
- You got A Star Is Born?
- Oh, sure.
475
00:29:49,028 --> 00:29:51,614
- A Star is Born?
- She looks bad in Star is Born.
476
00:29:51,697 --> 00:29:53,366
- Yentl.
- Yentl.
477
00:29:53,449 --> 00:29:55,201
- Yentl?
- That's one of my favorites.
478
00:29:55,284 --> 00:29:57,536
- I'd watch it again.
- I love Yentl.
479
00:29:57,620 --> 00:30:00,206
Yeah. "Papa, Can You Hear Me?"
480
00:30:00,289 --> 00:30:03,459
- Oh, we've heard this argument...
- Dudes, hombres, guys.
481
00:30:03,542 --> 00:30:06,128
Guys, I'm sorry. I am...
I am truly offended.
482
00:30:06,212 --> 00:30:09,131
I thought I knew you guys.
I thought you were studs.
483
00:30:11,884 --> 00:30:13,344
I guess I thought wrong.
484
00:30:14,011 --> 00:30:15,096
I'm out of here.
485
00:30:15,554 --> 00:30:16,764
- Hey.
- Howard.
486
00:30:16,847 --> 00:30:18,265
Maybe he's right. Yentl sucks.
487
00:30:23,729 --> 00:30:24,939
What did you say?
488
00:30:26,148 --> 00:30:27,692
Yentl, it sucks. It's boring.
489
00:30:32,989 --> 00:30:34,115
Say that again.
490
00:30:38,786 --> 00:30:42,039
She was too old for Yentl.
491
00:31:05,730 --> 00:31:06,856
Guess you heard the latest.
492
00:31:06,939 --> 00:31:09,567
Michael Jackson getting married again.
Yes, it is true.
493
00:31:09,650 --> 00:31:12,611
And this time he's made
the perfect choice, Howard Brackett.
494
00:31:12,695 --> 00:31:14,321
Yes, Howard Brackett.
495
00:31:17,700 --> 00:31:19,201
This is Peter Malloy with day two of
496
00:31:19,285 --> 00:31:20,828
"Howard Brackett:
Will There Be a Wedding?"
497
00:31:20,911 --> 00:31:23,247
I'm standing with Aldo Hooper,
Howard's barber.
498
00:31:23,330 --> 00:31:26,250
Stylist. Razor cuts, color, full blow-dry.
499
00:31:26,333 --> 00:31:28,586
That's very nice.
So, Aldo, what do you think,
500
00:31:28,669 --> 00:31:30,129
will there be a wedding?
501
00:31:30,212 --> 00:31:33,758
Howard is booked for Saturday,
a full styling. I say yes.
502
00:31:35,134 --> 00:31:37,386
Emmett Wilson,
who has just delivered Howard's mail,
503
00:31:37,470 --> 00:31:40,264
his intimate correspondence,
letters to alleged.
504
00:31:40,347 --> 00:31:41,557
Anything we should know about?
505
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,393
I can't reveal that.
I'm a postal employee.
506
00:31:44,477 --> 00:31:45,728
Don't make him mad.
507
00:31:45,811 --> 00:31:49,648
Of course Howard's getting married.
He's a man of his word.
508
00:31:49,732 --> 00:31:52,359
- Is this national?
- You bet.
509
00:31:52,443 --> 00:31:56,697
Please, use your full zip codes.
510
00:31:56,781 --> 00:31:58,699
Greenleaf High, cradle of crisis.
511
00:31:58,783 --> 00:32:00,951
Howard's seniors, youth in the crossfire.
512
00:32:01,035 --> 00:32:04,371
Tell us in your own
innocent, young words, is he gay?
513
00:32:04,455 --> 00:32:08,042
Oh, no. No, he told us.
It was all, like, this big, huge mistake.
514
00:32:08,125 --> 00:32:10,628
It just happened
because Mr. Brackett likes poetry
515
00:32:10,711 --> 00:32:12,296
and Shakespeare and uses his napkin.
516
00:32:12,379 --> 00:32:14,757
- Unlike some people.
- What?
517
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:17,760
Teens in turmoil.
And your message to America?
518
00:32:17,843 --> 00:32:20,179
- Greenleaf rules!
- Greenleaf rules! Yeah!
519
00:32:20,262 --> 00:32:22,723
Kids on the edge,
a community in chaos.
520
00:32:22,807 --> 00:32:25,601
Indiana cries out.
Howard, can you hear?
521
00:32:32,399 --> 00:32:33,943
Howard.
522
00:32:34,026 --> 00:32:35,903
You...? You got a minute?
523
00:32:39,323 --> 00:32:40,825
Howard...
524
00:32:42,076 --> 00:32:44,954
Your life, I mean, since...
525
00:32:45,037 --> 00:32:48,207
Since the Oscars, I can...
I can only imagine.
526
00:32:48,290 --> 00:32:51,210
You know, it's over now.
It's fine. It's just fine.
527
00:32:51,293 --> 00:32:53,129
- It's all ancient history.
- Howard, we...
528
00:32:53,212 --> 00:32:56,048
We do have graduation
coming up Monday,
529
00:32:56,132 --> 00:33:01,137
and you kind of, you know,
put us right... Right in the spotlight.
530
00:33:01,220 --> 00:33:04,306
- I'm so sorry, Tom. This...
- Howard, I'd be...
531
00:33:04,390 --> 00:33:06,767
I'd be less than honest
if I didn't tell you
532
00:33:06,851 --> 00:33:09,436
that I've gotten some calls from...
533
00:33:10,813 --> 00:33:14,483
From parents wondering if, in fact, you...
534
00:33:14,567 --> 00:33:18,821
You were a ho... Ho... Ho...
535
00:33:18,904 --> 00:33:20,990
- Ho...
- Homeroom teacher?
536
00:33:21,073 --> 00:33:23,325
Homo-Ho... Homosexual.
537
00:33:24,535 --> 00:33:26,996
Tom, do I look like a homosexual?
538
00:33:27,079 --> 00:33:29,081
Would you walk for me?
539
00:33:30,583 --> 00:33:31,750
Excuse me.
540
00:33:33,252 --> 00:33:35,504
- Howard?
- Yes?
541
00:33:36,005 --> 00:33:38,132
Do you...? Do you enjoy teaching?
542
00:33:39,425 --> 00:33:41,177
No, I don't enjoy it.
543
00:33:41,260 --> 00:33:42,803
You...? You don't?
544
00:33:42,887 --> 00:33:45,389
No, I love it. It's my life.
545
00:33:45,472 --> 00:33:48,309
Then you'd...? You'd miss it?
546
00:33:52,188 --> 00:33:54,773
Are...? Are you threatening me?
547
00:33:54,857 --> 00:33:58,360
No. No. I'm... I'm your friend.
548
00:33:58,444 --> 00:34:00,905
Friends... Friends don't threaten.
549
00:34:01,655 --> 00:34:03,032
No, they don't.
550
00:34:03,115 --> 00:34:04,700
Friends warn.
551
00:34:05,659 --> 00:34:07,119
And you...
552
00:34:07,786 --> 00:34:10,539
You... You are...
You are getting married, aren't you?
553
00:34:11,749 --> 00:34:15,920
But are you saying
that if I weren't getting married,
554
00:34:16,003 --> 00:34:17,129
I'd be fired?
555
00:34:18,964 --> 00:34:22,051
- But that's not an issue, is it?
- No.
556
00:34:23,385 --> 00:34:24,929
Best wishes.
557
00:34:38,150 --> 00:34:40,277
- Hi.
- Bless you, my son.
558
00:34:40,361 --> 00:34:41,528
Thank you.
559
00:34:41,612 --> 00:34:43,614
Would you like to tell me your sins?
560
00:34:43,697 --> 00:34:45,991
Yes. Yes.
561
00:34:46,075 --> 00:34:48,827
First of all, I'm... I'm not Catholic.
562
00:34:48,911 --> 00:34:49,954
Then why are you here?
563
00:34:50,037 --> 00:34:52,456
I have a friend who's Catholic
and he's very busy.
564
00:34:53,540 --> 00:34:55,542
Well, aren't you helpful?
565
00:34:55,626 --> 00:34:58,337
Well, what are his, you know, sins?
Your friend's.
566
00:34:58,420 --> 00:35:02,466
He's a... He's a plumber and he's...
He's about to be married.
567
00:35:02,549 --> 00:35:04,260
He's been engaged for three years.
568
00:35:04,343 --> 00:35:06,220
Well, caution is a virtue.
569
00:35:06,762 --> 00:35:08,764
Yeah, but, see, everyone's...
570
00:35:08,847 --> 00:35:12,434
Everyone's saying something about him,
something that isn't true.
571
00:35:12,518 --> 00:35:15,562
I mean, it's not a bad thing, but he...
He isn't that thing.
572
00:35:15,646 --> 00:35:17,273
Which thing?
573
00:35:17,356 --> 00:35:19,233
Which thing
are people saying about him?
574
00:35:20,192 --> 00:35:21,652
That...
575
00:35:22,611 --> 00:35:25,114
- He's... That he's... That he's gay.
- That he's what?
576
00:35:26,448 --> 00:35:28,117
That he's gay.
577
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,202
- Oh, my.
- Yeah.
578
00:35:30,286 --> 00:35:32,121
Oh, my, my, my.
579
00:35:32,204 --> 00:35:34,456
Well, that's rather like
that fellow on the Oscars.
580
00:35:34,540 --> 00:35:37,835
That... That Howard Brackett
from over at Greenleaf.
581
00:35:37,918 --> 00:35:40,254
Yeah, but it's not him.
This is a different guy.
582
00:35:40,337 --> 00:35:44,174
- And what is it he wants to know?
- He wants to know what he should do.
583
00:35:44,258 --> 00:35:46,802
What is the right thing?
He needs to know...
584
00:35:46,885 --> 00:35:49,763
His mother's planning
this huge wedding with the...
585
00:35:49,847 --> 00:35:53,100
With the whole town,
and it's her whole life.
586
00:35:53,183 --> 00:35:58,731
It's gonna be beautiful, but he...
He li...
587
00:35:58,814 --> 00:36:00,733
He doesn't wanna leave this town.
588
00:36:01,275 --> 00:36:07,197
And he has this wonderful fiancée
who's sweet and thin,
589
00:36:07,531 --> 00:36:10,617
and he just has never had
a physical relationship with her.
590
00:36:10,701 --> 00:36:13,162
Never? In three years?
591
00:36:13,245 --> 00:36:15,247
- He respects her.
- He's gay.
592
00:36:15,331 --> 00:36:16,832
- No, he's not.
- Yes, he is.
593
00:36:16,915 --> 00:36:18,709
No, he can't... No.
594
00:36:19,710 --> 00:36:22,129
Well, then he must go to her.
595
00:36:22,212 --> 00:36:23,797
He's got to find out.
596
00:36:23,881 --> 00:36:26,508
He must be, you know...
597
00:36:26,592 --> 00:36:28,427
Be with her.
598
00:36:29,553 --> 00:36:30,929
Really?
599
00:36:33,724 --> 00:36:35,184
Before the wedding?
600
00:36:36,852 --> 00:36:38,896
Godspeed, my son.
601
00:36:40,564 --> 00:36:42,066
Now, let's do Michael.
602
00:36:58,624 --> 00:37:01,043
Emily? Emily.
603
00:37:01,627 --> 00:37:03,128
- Howard.
- Emily.
604
00:37:03,212 --> 00:37:04,505
Howard.
605
00:37:06,382 --> 00:37:08,258
Howard. Howard.
606
00:37:09,009 --> 00:37:10,886
We're getting married. We are.
607
00:37:10,969 --> 00:37:13,305
- We are getting married.
- Of course we're getting...
608
00:37:13,389 --> 00:37:14,932
I'm glad we're getting married, Howard.
609
00:37:15,891 --> 00:37:17,101
Oh, okay.
610
00:37:19,978 --> 00:37:22,898
- Howard.
- Yeah. Who's gay, huh?
611
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:25,401
Howard.
612
00:37:27,444 --> 00:37:28,612
That's right.
613
00:37:34,410 --> 00:37:36,203
Howard, what is all this?
614
00:37:36,745 --> 00:37:39,081
I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure.
615
00:37:39,164 --> 00:37:41,083
I... Could you turn him off?
616
00:37:41,166 --> 00:37:42,668
- Howard, Howard.
- I can't.
617
00:37:42,751 --> 00:37:45,295
Howard, I love you. I'm not worried.
618
00:37:45,379 --> 00:37:47,965
- You don't understand.
- Of course I do.
619
00:37:48,882 --> 00:37:52,219
Look at your life. The Oscars, the press.
620
00:37:52,302 --> 00:37:54,179
It's no wonder you're going crazy.
621
00:37:54,263 --> 00:37:55,431
But it doesn't matter.
622
00:37:55,514 --> 00:37:57,433
- Why not?
- Because I love you,
623
00:37:57,516 --> 00:37:59,059
and we're getting married.
624
00:37:59,143 --> 00:38:01,145
You still want that, Howard, don't you?
625
00:38:02,271 --> 00:38:06,191
That's why I transformed myself,
isn't it?
626
00:38:06,275 --> 00:38:07,860
Do you want me to start eating again?
627
00:38:07,943 --> 00:38:12,072
- No.
- I can, Howard. I'm very fragile.
628
00:38:15,617 --> 00:38:16,743
I love you.
629
00:38:44,104 --> 00:38:46,106
Oh, my God. Howard.
630
00:38:46,190 --> 00:38:48,192
Howard. You okay?
631
00:38:49,651 --> 00:38:53,113
No. No, I'm not okay.
632
00:38:53,197 --> 00:38:54,948
I've never been so not okay in my life.
633
00:38:55,032 --> 00:38:57,159
I tried to stop. I...
634
00:38:57,701 --> 00:39:01,580
One week ago, I was fine.
I was... I was perfect.
635
00:39:03,832 --> 00:39:05,834
I want my life back!
636
00:39:05,918 --> 00:39:09,129
Well, that is
not going to happen, Howard.
637
00:39:09,213 --> 00:39:11,507
- Your life has changed.
- But why?
638
00:39:11,590 --> 00:39:13,175
Why is this happening?
639
00:39:13,258 --> 00:39:15,761
I haven't changed.
One little word and everybody changes.
640
00:39:15,844 --> 00:39:18,889
I'm still the same person. Why...?
Why doesn't anyone believe me?
641
00:39:18,972 --> 00:39:22,392
Well, this town is crazy about you.
I've talked to everyone.
642
00:39:22,935 --> 00:39:25,145
Stop. That's it.
That's the problem. It's you.
643
00:39:25,229 --> 00:39:29,233
You're trying to turn me into a story,
into something juicy for your show.
644
00:39:29,691 --> 00:39:31,693
Well, I am not a sound bite.
645
00:39:31,777 --> 00:39:33,946
I'm tr... I'm... Look, I'm...
646
00:39:34,863 --> 00:39:37,491
I am hurting the people I care about.
647
00:39:37,574 --> 00:39:40,661
My students, my family, Emily.
I love Emily.
648
00:39:40,744 --> 00:39:44,373
Well, then think about
what you're doing to her.
649
00:39:44,456 --> 00:39:48,335
Oh, will you...? It's like...
You're like talking to... I...
650
00:39:48,418 --> 00:39:49,586
Why am I talking to you?
651
00:39:49,670 --> 00:39:51,964
You couldn't possibly understand
what this is like.
652
00:39:52,047 --> 00:39:53,090
Howard, I'm gay.
653
00:39:54,675 --> 00:39:56,802
- You're what?
- I'm gay. I came out.
654
00:39:59,471 --> 00:40:02,140
- To whom?
- Who? To everyone.
655
00:40:02,224 --> 00:40:05,602
My folks, my boss, my dog.
656
00:40:05,686 --> 00:40:07,980
Yeah, one day, I just snapped.
657
00:40:08,063 --> 00:40:12,317
I just got tired of switching pronouns
and remembering to lower my voice,
658
00:40:12,401 --> 00:40:15,153
and I couldn't take
lying to the people that I love.
659
00:40:15,237 --> 00:40:17,239
- Does that sound familiar?
- No.
660
00:40:17,322 --> 00:40:21,577
So I just said,
"Mom, Dad, Sparky, I'm gay."
661
00:40:23,370 --> 00:40:24,413
What happened?
662
00:40:25,747 --> 00:40:28,542
Well, my mom cried
for exactly ten seconds.
663
00:40:28,625 --> 00:40:32,796
My boss said, "Who cares?"
And my dad said, "But you're so tall."
664
00:40:32,879 --> 00:40:38,719
Howard, everyone surprised me,
once I let them, once I trusted them.
665
00:40:38,802 --> 00:40:43,098
You know, sometimes the worst thing
you think can happen
666
00:40:43,181 --> 00:40:44,725
turns out to be the best thing.
667
00:40:46,852 --> 00:40:48,812
- For you.
- For anyone.
668
00:40:48,895 --> 00:40:51,523
Yes, but I am not gay!
669
00:40:51,607 --> 00:40:53,025
What was Streisand's eighth album?
670
00:40:53,108 --> 00:40:54,860
- Color Me Barbra.
- Stud.
671
00:40:54,943 --> 00:40:56,153
Everyone knows that.
672
00:40:56,236 --> 00:40:59,531
Everyone where?
The little gay bar on the prairie?
673
00:40:59,615 --> 00:41:02,492
- You know what you need?
- Yeah, I need a wedding. I need...
674
00:41:18,592 --> 00:41:19,676
You... You...
675
00:41:25,015 --> 00:41:27,059
- You kissed me.
- You noticed.
676
00:41:28,935 --> 00:41:31,438
You... You... This is not Los Angeles.
677
00:41:31,521 --> 00:41:33,357
What, people don't kiss in Greenleaf?
678
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,859
Not at an intersection!
679
00:41:37,569 --> 00:41:39,738
Oh, stop. Oh, hello, sweetheart.
680
00:41:40,155 --> 00:41:42,658
Mom. Dad. Hi.
681
00:41:43,325 --> 00:41:44,618
Look, it's the cake.
682
00:41:44,701 --> 00:41:46,495
- Yes. Well...
- Everything okay there?
683
00:41:46,578 --> 00:41:49,581
Oh, yeah, fine. We...
This is my Peter... Friend, Peter.
684
00:41:49,665 --> 00:41:52,459
We just ran into each other here
at the intersexual... Homosection...
685
00:41:52,542 --> 00:41:54,753
Intersection. I gotta go.
686
00:41:56,380 --> 00:41:59,257
- It's that fella from TV.
- Thank you.
687
00:41:59,341 --> 00:42:02,177
If you're Howard's buddy, I do hope
you'll be coming to the wedding.
688
00:42:03,804 --> 00:42:04,846
The wedding.
689
00:42:05,389 --> 00:42:08,558
That's right. Sunday morning, 9 a.m.
690
00:42:08,642 --> 00:42:12,062
I gotta go. I have to prepare myself.
It's formal, you know?
691
00:42:30,706 --> 00:42:32,457
Okay. Okay.
692
00:42:45,637 --> 00:42:49,933
Welcome to our series
on exploring your masculinity.
693
00:42:50,016 --> 00:42:52,894
This is audio tape number one,
694
00:42:52,978 --> 00:42:54,896
"Getting a grip."
695
00:42:54,980 --> 00:42:58,442
Are you dressed
in suitably masculine attire?
696
00:42:59,443 --> 00:43:01,528
- Very.
- Are you in control?
697
00:43:01,611 --> 00:43:04,614
- Yes.
- Are you ready to take charge?
698
00:43:06,241 --> 00:43:08,785
Are you a man?
699
00:43:08,869 --> 00:43:10,245
Yes.
700
00:43:10,328 --> 00:43:11,455
Stand up.
701
00:43:16,042 --> 00:43:19,212
Stand straight and tall.
702
00:43:19,296 --> 00:43:21,506
Excuse me, are we a little teapot?
703
00:43:23,091 --> 00:43:24,926
Untuck your shirt.
704
00:43:26,386 --> 00:43:28,013
Just one side.
705
00:43:31,391 --> 00:43:33,101
You hate this, don't you?
706
00:43:33,185 --> 00:43:34,603
Well, look at it.
707
00:43:34,686 --> 00:43:36,354
You want to be neat.
708
00:43:36,438 --> 00:43:38,106
You want to be tidy.
709
00:43:38,732 --> 00:43:40,066
Adjust yourself.
710
00:43:42,068 --> 00:43:43,695
Not there.
711
00:43:43,779 --> 00:43:45,947
The package, sissy man.
712
00:43:46,031 --> 00:43:47,824
The family jewels.
713
00:43:50,702 --> 00:43:51,870
Grab them.
714
00:43:53,955 --> 00:43:56,541
- You're in a bar room.
- Okay.
715
00:43:56,625 --> 00:43:58,084
Repeat after me.
716
00:43:58,168 --> 00:44:00,545
- Yo.
- Yo.
717
00:44:00,629 --> 00:44:02,464
- Hot damn.
- Hot damn.
718
00:44:02,547 --> 00:44:04,341
What a fabulous window treatment.
719
00:44:04,424 --> 00:44:06,426
- What a fabulous win...
- That was a trick.
720
00:44:07,761 --> 00:44:08,970
Damn.
721
00:44:09,054 --> 00:44:12,682
We have come to the most
critical area of masculine behavior.
722
00:44:12,766 --> 00:44:14,851
- What?
- Dancing.
723
00:44:17,854 --> 00:44:19,648
Yes.
724
00:44:19,731 --> 00:44:23,068
Truly, manly men do not dance.
725
00:44:23,151 --> 00:44:24,402
Oh, come on.
726
00:44:24,486 --> 00:44:26,780
Under any circumstances.
727
00:44:26,863 --> 00:44:29,324
This will be your ultimate test.
728
00:44:29,407 --> 00:44:34,871
At all costs,
avoid rhythm, grace and pleasure.
729
00:44:34,955 --> 00:44:38,250
Whatever you do, do not dance.
730
00:44:40,919 --> 00:44:42,087
I won't.
731
00:44:42,170 --> 00:44:44,506
- Can you hear it?
- Yes.
732
00:44:44,589 --> 00:44:47,008
Can you hear the demon?
733
00:44:47,092 --> 00:44:50,220
"Dance, " the demon whispers.
734
00:44:50,303 --> 00:44:52,889
Everyone else is dancing.
735
00:44:52,973 --> 00:44:54,558
They're getting down.
736
00:44:54,641 --> 00:44:56,142
They're getting funky now.
737
00:44:56,226 --> 00:44:59,271
- They're having fun. Not you.
- No.
738
00:44:59,354 --> 00:45:01,022
Catch the fever.
739
00:45:01,106 --> 00:45:03,692
Feel the heat of the disco beat.
740
00:45:04,317 --> 00:45:06,236
It's calling to you.
741
00:45:06,319 --> 00:45:09,698
Do not listen. Men do not dance.
742
00:45:09,781 --> 00:45:13,201
They work, they drink,
they have bad backs.
743
00:45:13,285 --> 00:45:14,786
They do not dance.
744
00:45:14,870 --> 00:45:19,666
Hold still. Hold tight.
Whatever you do, do not dance.
745
00:45:25,046 --> 00:45:27,465
What are you doing?
746
00:45:27,549 --> 00:45:31,177
Stop dancing, you big ballerina.
747
00:45:31,261 --> 00:45:32,596
Stop waving those hands.
748
00:45:35,682 --> 00:45:37,934
Aren't you listening, you pantywaist?
749
00:45:38,018 --> 00:45:40,896
Stop it. Stop shaking that booty.
750
00:45:42,522 --> 00:45:43,773
Be a man.
751
00:45:43,857 --> 00:45:46,234
Kick someone. Punch someone.
752
00:45:46,318 --> 00:45:47,903
Bite someone's ear.
753
00:45:50,238 --> 00:45:52,782
Stop it. Get a grip.
754
00:45:54,034 --> 00:45:57,787
Think about John Wayne,
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
755
00:45:57,871 --> 00:46:00,540
Arnold doesn't dance.
He can barely walk.
756
00:46:01,583 --> 00:46:03,877
Stop it. Stop it.
757
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:06,713
Just stop dancing.
758
00:46:08,298 --> 00:46:11,176
So how did you do, pussy boy?
759
00:46:26,816 --> 00:46:28,652
Oh, is it all right? Is my veil crooked?
760
00:46:28,735 --> 00:46:30,153
Oh, it's perfect.
761
00:46:30,236 --> 00:46:33,657
You're everything I've ever dreamed of
for a wedding and more.
762
00:46:33,740 --> 00:46:35,659
- Do you have an attorney?
- Hush.
763
00:46:35,742 --> 00:46:38,036
You're radiant, dear.
764
00:46:38,119 --> 00:46:41,331
I just can't believe it.
It's really happening.
765
00:46:41,414 --> 00:46:44,834
My life, after all those years,
it's starting.
766
00:46:44,918 --> 00:46:47,045
My mom says it won't last.
767
00:46:47,128 --> 00:46:49,172
Your mom's an alcoholic.
768
00:46:57,013 --> 00:46:59,265
That's terrible. It's terrible.
769
00:46:59,349 --> 00:47:01,351
- Son, do you need some help there?
- No, I'm fine.
770
00:47:01,434 --> 00:47:03,895
It's just that the dry cleaners
left a shine on my trousers,
771
00:47:03,979 --> 00:47:06,314
and my right lapel is slightly bent,
772
00:47:06,398 --> 00:47:08,608
and the laundry did not use
enough starch in my shirt front.
773
00:47:08,692 --> 00:47:10,860
I mean, where are we, the Ukraine?
774
00:47:10,944 --> 00:47:12,904
How can I get married
if I look like a hobo?
775
00:47:12,988 --> 00:47:14,197
Howard.
776
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:16,491
I'm coming, Dad. I'm coming.
One minute.
777
00:47:18,493 --> 00:47:19,911
Just wait.
778
00:47:19,995 --> 00:47:22,205
She said at the church at 4.
779
00:47:25,375 --> 00:47:27,836
Oh, look, there he is.
780
00:47:29,129 --> 00:47:31,297
Well, he's so nice.
781
00:48:42,744 --> 00:48:44,662
What a joyous morning.
782
00:48:44,746 --> 00:48:46,873
What a perfect day.
783
00:48:46,956 --> 00:48:50,085
What a gloriously splendid occasion.
784
00:48:52,045 --> 00:48:56,174
Dearly, dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
785
00:48:56,257 --> 00:49:00,178
to join this wonderful couple
in the state of holiest matrimony
786
00:49:01,137 --> 00:49:03,598
before the eyes of God.
787
00:49:05,141 --> 00:49:06,684
Before we begin the vows,
788
00:49:06,768 --> 00:49:09,437
is there anyone present
who knows of a reason
789
00:49:09,521 --> 00:49:13,149
why this couple should not be joined
in holy wedlock?
790
00:49:21,533 --> 00:49:22,659
Very good.
791
00:49:23,952 --> 00:49:28,790
Because let us remember,
a marriage is truly a blessed event.
792
00:49:28,873 --> 00:49:34,754
It must be a union
based on deepest love, total kinship,
793
00:49:34,838 --> 00:49:37,465
and absolute honesty.
794
00:49:39,968 --> 00:49:41,469
Let us begin.
795
00:49:42,887 --> 00:49:47,016
Do you, Emily, take this man
to be your lawfully wedded husband
796
00:49:47,100 --> 00:49:51,896
to have and to hold
till death do you part?
797
00:49:51,980 --> 00:49:53,481
I do.
798
00:49:55,191 --> 00:50:00,155
And do you, Howard, take this woman
to be your lawfully wedded wife
799
00:50:00,238 --> 00:50:04,367
to have and to hold
till death do you part?
800
00:50:08,288 --> 00:50:09,873
I'm gay.
801
00:50:11,499 --> 00:50:12,667
Pardon?
802
00:50:24,345 --> 00:50:26,014
I'm...
803
00:50:26,097 --> 00:50:27,932
- I'm gay.
- You're what?
804
00:50:28,016 --> 00:50:29,267
He's gay.
805
00:50:29,642 --> 00:50:30,810
I heard him.
806
00:50:35,565 --> 00:50:39,569
Everyone, everyone,
what Howard meant to say was
807
00:50:39,652 --> 00:50:41,905
he's having a wonderful day.
808
00:50:41,988 --> 00:50:43,239
Mom.
809
00:50:47,660 --> 00:50:48,953
Dad.
810
00:50:57,170 --> 00:50:58,213
I'm gay.
811
00:51:36,501 --> 00:51:38,127
Seventy-five pounds.
812
00:51:38,211 --> 00:51:40,463
I lost 75 pounds.
813
00:51:40,546 --> 00:51:44,175
I'm a horrible person,
and you have every right to hate me.
814
00:51:44,259 --> 00:51:46,761
You should hate me.
I want you to hate me.
815
00:51:46,844 --> 00:51:48,096
I insist that you hate me.
816
00:51:48,596 --> 00:51:53,810
I'm... I'm scum, I'm garbage,
I'm vermin, and... And I'm sorry.
817
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:55,645
You're sorry?
818
00:51:56,938 --> 00:51:58,439
You're sorry?
819
00:51:58,773 --> 00:52:04,153
After I... I wait for you for...
820
00:52:04,237 --> 00:52:05,571
No.
821
00:52:05,655 --> 00:52:08,616
No, not just three years.
822
00:52:08,700 --> 00:52:10,576
My entire life!
823
00:52:10,660 --> 00:52:13,955
After I plan my future
around our wedding,
824
00:52:14,038 --> 00:52:18,501
after I base
my entire concept of self-esteem
825
00:52:18,584 --> 00:52:21,421
on the fact
that you're willing to marry me,
826
00:52:21,504 --> 00:52:23,006
and you're sorry?
827
00:52:23,715 --> 00:52:25,133
I'm sorry.
828
00:52:27,218 --> 00:52:30,805
Thank God my parents are dead.
This would've killed them.
829
00:52:37,228 --> 00:52:38,855
Are you...? Are you...?
830
00:52:39,772 --> 00:52:41,858
Are you really gay?
831
00:52:47,905 --> 00:52:51,200
Was there
832
00:52:53,911 --> 00:52:57,373
any other time
you might've told me this?
833
00:53:00,209 --> 00:53:04,547
I'm wearing a wedding dress
which you picked out!
834
00:53:05,048 --> 00:53:09,635
I... I... I highlighted my hair
because you said I needed shimmer.
835
00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:13,264
I loved you and believed you and...
836
00:53:13,348 --> 00:53:16,142
And pretended not to notice
the Streisand thing.
837
00:53:16,934 --> 00:53:18,644
I thought you were just creative.
838
00:53:18,728 --> 00:53:20,396
I thought you were just smarter than me
839
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:24,984
and more sensitive
and more interesting.
840
00:53:25,068 --> 00:53:28,321
I thought you were
the most wonderful man who ever lived.
841
00:53:28,404 --> 00:53:34,285
I thought you could just change my life
and show me the whole world
842
00:53:34,369 --> 00:53:39,040
and teach me about art
and life and magic.
843
00:53:39,123 --> 00:53:44,629
And I thought you could make me feel
like a beautiful woman
844
00:53:44,712 --> 00:53:47,423
instead of the girl nobody wanted.
845
00:53:48,508 --> 00:53:49,550
Oh, no.
846
00:53:50,051 --> 00:53:51,386
Emily.
847
00:53:52,053 --> 00:53:53,846
But... But...
848
00:53:53,930 --> 00:53:55,056
Emily. Emily.
849
00:53:58,017 --> 00:54:03,064
Does anybody here know how many
times I've had to watch Funny Lady?
850
00:54:06,567 --> 00:54:09,654
It was a sequel.
She was under contract.
851
00:54:10,446 --> 00:54:13,658
Fuck Barbra Streisand!
852
00:54:13,741 --> 00:54:14,951
And you!
853
00:54:26,462 --> 00:54:27,839
Emily.
854
00:54:32,051 --> 00:54:34,429
Emily. Emily.
855
00:54:58,870 --> 00:55:01,456
Howard. You did it.
856
00:55:01,539 --> 00:55:03,749
I'm so proud of you. Congratulations.
857
00:55:04,584 --> 00:55:07,920
Congr...? Congratulation...?
I just destroyed Emily's life.
858
00:55:08,004 --> 00:55:09,005
I killed her.
859
00:55:09,964 --> 00:55:11,466
You saved her life.
860
00:55:11,549 --> 00:55:14,469
Oh, God. I don't believe it.
861
00:55:14,552 --> 00:55:15,845
I...
862
00:55:17,013 --> 00:55:21,851
I just came out at my wedding.
863
00:55:21,934 --> 00:55:23,561
In front of everybody.
864
00:55:23,644 --> 00:55:27,565
My family, my friends, my mom, my da...
865
00:55:27,648 --> 00:55:28,858
Look at my hand.
866
00:55:28,941 --> 00:55:30,443
It was fantastic.
867
00:55:30,526 --> 00:55:31,819
It was a nightmare.
868
00:55:31,903 --> 00:55:36,115
I ju... I ju... I ju... I just demolished
my mother's dream wedding.
869
00:55:36,199 --> 00:55:39,202
I'm... I'm a... I'm a monster.
I'm... I'm a lunatic.
870
00:55:39,285 --> 00:55:42,288
You're a hero,
and I've got great footage.
871
00:55:42,371 --> 00:55:43,581
I got the whole thing.
872
00:55:43,664 --> 00:55:45,500
Oh, is that
what this is all about? Footage?
873
00:55:45,583 --> 00:55:47,919
Here, I'll give you your headline.
874
00:55:48,002 --> 00:55:53,132
Howard Brackett is a big homo,
queer, mary, sissy man.
875
00:55:53,633 --> 00:55:56,093
He just came out
at his big church wedding.
876
00:55:56,177 --> 00:55:58,262
Martha Stewart is furious.
877
00:55:58,804 --> 00:56:01,140
- There, is that what you want?
- That was great stuff.
878
00:56:16,864 --> 00:56:19,033
No, tell him
I really appreciate the offer,
879
00:56:19,116 --> 00:56:21,744
but I just don't think I'm right for it.
880
00:56:21,827 --> 00:56:24,413
This is Peter Malloy
for Inside Entertainment.
881
00:56:24,497 --> 00:56:27,291
I'm standing in front of
Greenleaf's First Methodist Church,
882
00:56:27,375 --> 00:56:30,628
where Howard Brackett
has boldly declared, "I don't."
883
00:56:31,254 --> 00:56:33,881
- Cam, come look at this.
- After a week of stress and pressure,
884
00:56:33,965 --> 00:56:36,175
Brackett, outed by Cameron Drake
at the Oscars,
885
00:56:36,259 --> 00:56:38,719
today, to the amazement
of family and friends,
886
00:56:38,803 --> 00:56:41,889
outed himself at his own wedding.
887
00:56:41,973 --> 00:56:43,808
You can imagine the fireworks.
888
00:56:43,891 --> 00:56:46,978
He's been besieged by the media,
his job may be in jeopardy,
889
00:56:47,061 --> 00:56:48,479
and as for his fiancée,
890
00:56:48,563 --> 00:56:51,899
fellow English teacher
Emily Montgomery, well, who knows?
891
00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:53,651
Miss Montgomery?
892
00:56:53,734 --> 00:56:58,364
But the real question is,
where is Cameron Drake?
893
00:56:58,447 --> 00:57:01,242
This is Peter Malloy
for Inside Entertainment.
894
00:57:01,325 --> 00:57:02,868
We gotta get out of here.
895
00:57:03,995 --> 00:57:06,163
- Cam?
- We gotta go.
896
00:57:07,290 --> 00:57:08,666
Go where?
897
00:57:08,749 --> 00:57:11,043
Greenleaf, because of what I said.
898
00:57:11,419 --> 00:57:13,588
I gotta see what's going on.
I gotta do something.
899
00:57:13,671 --> 00:57:15,881
But I promised Isaac I'd do his show.
900
00:57:15,965 --> 00:57:19,760
The new collection is this afternoon.
I have to shower and vomit.
901
00:57:24,974 --> 00:57:28,060
Man. At his wedding.
902
00:57:28,144 --> 00:57:29,979
Yeah, poor Miss Montgomery.
903
00:57:31,105 --> 00:57:35,192
So I guess Mr. Brackett's
really like that Cameron guy said.
904
00:57:36,235 --> 00:57:38,154
And you, like, hung out with him.
905
00:57:38,237 --> 00:57:40,573
He drove you to that college interview.
906
00:57:40,656 --> 00:57:43,534
Didn't you, like, stay over somewhere?
907
00:57:43,618 --> 00:57:45,953
But nothing happened.
908
00:57:46,037 --> 00:57:49,373
I mean, I don't even know the guy.
Not anymore.
909
00:57:49,457 --> 00:57:52,001
Excuse me. You don't know the guy?
910
00:57:52,084 --> 00:57:53,336
He only got you into college.
911
00:57:53,419 --> 00:57:55,838
I mean, just last week
he was only, like, your total hero.
912
00:57:55,921 --> 00:57:57,298
That was last week.
913
00:57:58,299 --> 00:58:03,262
Guys, we had a gay teacher all year.
914
00:58:03,346 --> 00:58:07,308
We have to face that
and move on with our lives.
915
00:58:07,391 --> 00:58:09,143
What are you talking about?
916
00:58:10,144 --> 00:58:12,647
Kids, how was the wedding?
917
00:58:14,357 --> 00:58:16,233
Fine.
918
00:58:40,216 --> 00:58:43,678
You know, I can understand
about Howard being gay,
919
00:58:43,761 --> 00:58:49,016
but I will never ever understand
as long as I live, as God is my witness,
920
00:58:49,100 --> 00:58:51,727
how could he not want a wedding?
921
00:58:52,770 --> 00:58:56,023
Oh, sweetie, it's not your fault.
922
00:58:56,107 --> 00:58:57,858
You have two boys.
923
00:58:57,942 --> 00:58:59,860
You fed them the same,
you raised them the same,
924
00:58:59,944 --> 00:59:03,072
and you loved them the same.
And one of them is gay.
925
00:59:03,155 --> 00:59:05,574
- And the other one is...
- Walter.
926
00:59:07,201 --> 00:59:09,620
Howard was just being honest,
927
00:59:09,704 --> 00:59:12,623
clearing the air
before he made a real mess.
928
00:59:12,707 --> 00:59:13,958
What's wrong with that?
929
00:59:14,500 --> 00:59:16,961
What are we all so afraid of?
930
00:59:17,044 --> 00:59:21,424
What do we think will happen
if we all just spill the beans?
931
00:59:23,592 --> 00:59:24,802
I don't know.
932
00:59:25,261 --> 00:59:27,471
All right, I'll start.
933
00:59:30,266 --> 00:59:34,520
My Rice Krispie treats
that I made for the reception,
934
00:59:36,063 --> 00:59:37,898
they're not my recipe.
935
00:59:39,734 --> 00:59:41,485
It's Harriet Carter's.
936
00:59:42,111 --> 00:59:45,406
After she died
from that massive embolism,
937
00:59:45,489 --> 00:59:47,032
a lie was born.
938
00:59:49,285 --> 00:59:51,662
These are a dead-woman's treats.
939
00:59:53,831 --> 00:59:55,583
Oh, my.
940
00:59:59,378 --> 01:00:03,507
All right, I'll say it right out loud.
941
01:00:05,676 --> 01:00:09,138
I hated The Bridges of Madison County.
942
01:00:11,724 --> 01:00:13,934
My husband has three testicles.
943
01:00:16,562 --> 01:00:17,646
Bob?
944
01:00:19,607 --> 01:00:20,858
It's disgusting.
945
01:00:35,414 --> 01:00:38,042
Oh, I love this.
946
01:00:50,387 --> 01:00:51,764
Howard?
947
01:01:21,544 --> 01:01:23,170
So...
948
01:01:25,089 --> 01:01:26,632
So...
949
01:01:30,886 --> 01:01:32,513
Are you still gay?
950
01:01:34,807 --> 01:01:35,850
Yep.
951
01:01:41,105 --> 01:01:43,148
Are you gonna have an operation?
952
01:01:43,566 --> 01:01:44,692
Excuse me?
953
01:01:44,775 --> 01:01:47,736
Will you be going into show business?
954
01:01:48,487 --> 01:01:50,906
Absolutely. Vegas.
955
01:01:52,074 --> 01:01:53,534
I'm making an effort here.
956
01:01:54,910 --> 01:01:55,995
I know, Dad.
957
01:01:56,078 --> 01:01:57,830
I'm a farmer.
958
01:02:00,165 --> 01:02:02,751
Your mother asked me to come here.
She's worried about you.
959
01:02:02,835 --> 01:02:05,004
She's afraid you're not eating.
960
01:02:06,964 --> 01:02:08,757
She sent you this.
961
01:02:09,800 --> 01:02:11,760
- What is it?
- Wedding cake.
962
01:02:12,303 --> 01:02:13,387
She's diabolical.
963
01:02:13,470 --> 01:02:14,847
She's insane.
964
01:02:20,227 --> 01:02:24,940
Will we be seeing you
at the graduation tomorrow?
965
01:02:27,026 --> 01:02:31,196
I got a call right after the wedding.
Or after there was no wedding.
966
01:02:31,280 --> 01:02:32,573
They fired me.
967
01:02:42,875 --> 01:02:45,044
You taught those kids.
968
01:02:46,921 --> 01:02:50,299
If you're not there,
what are they gonna think?
969
01:02:51,634 --> 01:02:53,385
I don't know.
970
01:02:59,475 --> 01:03:02,853
That Barbra Streisand,
did she do something to you?
971
01:03:02,937 --> 01:03:03,979
Dad.
972
01:03:11,862 --> 01:03:13,489
Thank you.
973
01:03:13,572 --> 01:03:15,074
Cam.
974
01:03:16,575 --> 01:03:18,327
Cam.
975
01:03:20,829 --> 01:03:23,707
Cameron, where are we?
976
01:03:24,124 --> 01:03:26,418
I told you, it's a motel.
977
01:03:28,087 --> 01:03:31,423
Cameron, you don't seem to realize.
978
01:03:31,507 --> 01:03:35,010
I am a supermodel. I am Sonya.
979
01:03:35,094 --> 01:03:38,013
And I'm in a motel in Greenblatt?
980
01:03:38,597 --> 01:03:40,474
Greenleaf. This is where I grew up.
981
01:03:40,557 --> 01:03:41,684
I don't care.
982
01:03:41,767 --> 01:03:45,187
Sonya, we're here to help someone.
983
01:03:45,270 --> 01:03:48,148
For once, we're gonna think about
something besides our careers
984
01:03:48,232 --> 01:03:49,733
and our hair.
985
01:03:49,817 --> 01:03:51,902
We're gonna help Mr. Brackett,
if I can find him.
986
01:03:55,823 --> 01:03:58,492
Cam. Cam.
987
01:03:58,575 --> 01:04:00,077
Cameron, where are you going?
988
01:04:00,953 --> 01:04:02,663
Cam.
989
01:04:02,746 --> 01:04:04,748
You can't just leave me here.
990
01:04:06,250 --> 01:04:09,586
There's a diner down the block.
Go eat something, I'm begging you.
991
01:04:12,297 --> 01:04:15,384
You look like a swizzle stick.
It's unhealthy.
992
01:04:16,218 --> 01:04:17,386
Food?
993
01:04:18,178 --> 01:04:21,890
Cameron, I'm warning you,
I'm calling my agency.
994
01:04:36,780 --> 01:04:38,574
Cam.
995
01:04:50,669 --> 01:04:52,296
Well, can I get a drink?
996
01:04:57,426 --> 01:04:58,510
What kind?
997
01:04:58,594 --> 01:05:00,429
Let's see. What kind?
998
01:05:01,638 --> 01:05:02,681
Is vodka okay?
999
01:05:02,765 --> 01:05:04,975
That's right. Straight-up.
1000
01:05:06,643 --> 01:05:10,147
And some peanuts. Lots of them.
1001
01:05:11,231 --> 01:05:13,442
I don't care about anything anymore.
1002
01:05:13,525 --> 01:05:15,569
What else have you got back there?
1003
01:05:15,652 --> 01:05:17,196
I just wanna eat.
1004
01:05:17,279 --> 01:05:19,698
I just wanna gorge.
1005
01:05:19,782 --> 01:05:21,116
Hey, thanks.
1006
01:05:27,247 --> 01:05:28,832
You're from TV.
1007
01:05:31,293 --> 01:05:33,462
- Guilty.
- You're that guy.
1008
01:05:33,545 --> 01:05:34,963
What are you doing here?
1009
01:05:35,047 --> 01:05:38,801
Well, I am getting drunk.
1010
01:05:39,551 --> 01:05:43,222
I had a bad day. A very, very bad day.
1011
01:05:45,099 --> 01:05:48,185
- Excuse me?
- You win.
1012
01:05:48,268 --> 01:05:49,311
I hate men.
1013
01:05:53,065 --> 01:05:56,819
Am I so repulsive
that no man would want me?
1014
01:05:56,902 --> 01:05:58,362
No.
1015
01:05:59,154 --> 01:06:00,739
You're very attractive.
1016
01:06:02,324 --> 01:06:04,284
Howard didn't think so.
1017
01:06:04,368 --> 01:06:05,994
Howard didn't want me.
1018
01:06:06,870 --> 01:06:08,163
Listen to me.
1019
01:06:10,916 --> 01:06:13,961
Now, this is Howard's problem,
not yours.
1020
01:06:14,670 --> 01:06:18,090
And he should've told you, years ago.
1021
01:06:20,759 --> 01:06:21,927
Okay?
1022
01:06:30,686 --> 01:06:32,229
I love you.
1023
01:06:33,021 --> 01:06:34,148
You're nice.
1024
01:06:35,399 --> 01:06:38,152
I'm not nice. I'm a hack.
1025
01:06:38,235 --> 01:06:40,320
I'm show-business garbage.
1026
01:06:45,242 --> 01:06:47,035
Will you sleep with me?
1027
01:06:54,835 --> 01:06:56,128
What?
1028
01:06:58,380 --> 01:07:01,550
- Three years.
- Oh, my God.
1029
01:07:01,633 --> 01:07:06,263
Three years of sunsets and long talks
1030
01:07:06,346 --> 01:07:09,516
- and loving supportive friendship.
- Oh, my God.
1031
01:07:09,600 --> 01:07:11,810
This is my wedding night.
1032
01:07:11,894 --> 01:07:16,148
I'm there, I'm ready.
This is a medical condition.
1033
01:07:16,231 --> 01:07:19,401
Gee, thank you, but I can't.
1034
01:07:19,484 --> 01:07:21,445
Are you married?
Are you seeing someone?
1035
01:07:21,528 --> 01:07:22,613
- No, I...
- I don't care.
1036
01:07:22,696 --> 01:07:24,990
- Well, no, I...
- You're a man. I'm a woman.
1037
01:07:25,490 --> 01:07:26,909
I'm gay.
1038
01:07:33,582 --> 01:07:36,627
Is everybody gay?
1039
01:07:37,628 --> 01:07:39,713
Is this The Twilight Zone?
1040
01:07:41,882 --> 01:07:43,175
Oh, hey.
1041
01:07:44,134 --> 01:07:45,969
Oh, hi. Hi.
1042
01:07:46,053 --> 01:07:47,763
Will you marry me?
1043
01:07:47,846 --> 01:07:50,682
I have the dress,
I have the plane tickets.
1044
01:07:50,766 --> 01:07:52,601
I'm packed.
1045
01:07:55,729 --> 01:07:57,272
Stop.
1046
01:07:57,356 --> 01:07:59,024
Stop, please.
1047
01:07:59,107 --> 01:08:02,486
Stop. You have to stop.
It's an emergency.
1048
01:08:02,569 --> 01:08:05,614
I need a heterosexual, Code Red.
1049
01:08:11,745 --> 01:08:13,413
Miss, are you okay?
1050
01:08:14,665 --> 01:08:15,958
Do you need help?
1051
01:08:16,750 --> 01:08:20,420
No, no, no. I'm just beyond help.
1052
01:08:20,504 --> 01:08:21,755
I'm just a grinch.
1053
01:08:21,838 --> 01:08:23,757
I'm a jinx.
1054
01:08:32,849 --> 01:08:34,685
Miss...? Miss Montgomery?
1055
01:08:45,862 --> 01:08:47,197
Cameron?
1056
01:08:52,494 --> 01:08:54,329
Oh, my God.
1057
01:08:54,413 --> 01:08:55,622
Cameron?
1058
01:08:57,457 --> 01:08:58,542
What happened to you?
1059
01:09:01,378 --> 01:09:04,798
Well... Well, everything.
1060
01:09:04,881 --> 01:09:08,844
Well, you won the Oscar
and you said Howard was gay,
1061
01:09:08,927 --> 01:09:11,930
and I didn't believe you,
and I had no self-esteem...
1062
01:09:12,014 --> 01:09:14,099
No, no, I mean your...
1063
01:09:14,182 --> 01:09:15,559
Your body. What happened?
1064
01:09:17,602 --> 01:09:21,815
Well, what happened? Well, I was fat.
1065
01:09:21,898 --> 01:09:26,194
And I... And I swore
I'd become someone else tonight.
1066
01:09:26,278 --> 01:09:30,532
I did,
and now I'm more miserable than ever.
1067
01:09:30,615 --> 01:09:36,038
And I'm a mess, and I'm starving.
1068
01:09:36,121 --> 01:09:37,706
But why?
1069
01:09:38,332 --> 01:09:40,667
Why did you wanna change?
1070
01:09:40,751 --> 01:09:43,712
You... You were so beautiful.
1071
01:09:47,883 --> 01:09:49,134
I was?
1072
01:09:49,217 --> 01:09:52,804
I mean, you still are. You always were.
1073
01:09:52,888 --> 01:09:56,600
It's just skinny girls can be
so annoying sometimes.
1074
01:09:56,683 --> 01:09:58,727
Oh, I mean, but you're not.
1075
01:09:59,853 --> 01:10:03,857
You're just like I remember you
from after school.
1076
01:10:06,276 --> 01:10:07,611
You remember?
1077
01:10:09,112 --> 01:10:13,784
But, soft! What light
through yonder window breaks?
1078
01:10:13,867 --> 01:10:16,536
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
1079
01:10:19,790 --> 01:10:22,542
How camest thou hither,
1080
01:10:22,626 --> 01:10:26,129
tell me, and wherefore?
1081
01:10:30,258 --> 01:10:34,137
With love's light wings
did I o'er-perch these walls;
1082
01:10:38,975 --> 01:10:41,228
For stony limits cannot hold love in.
1083
01:10:43,438 --> 01:10:44,523
"Out."
1084
01:10:47,109 --> 01:10:48,693
Cannot hold love out.
1085
01:11:05,669 --> 01:11:07,129
I can't, you're a student.
1086
01:11:07,712 --> 01:11:09,214
Not anymore.
1087
01:11:29,109 --> 01:11:31,069
I've seen all your movies.
1088
01:11:32,028 --> 01:11:33,530
Both of them?
1089
01:11:48,628 --> 01:11:51,339
Kim, Dan, wait up.
1090
01:11:55,260 --> 01:11:56,845
Let's go, it's starting.
1091
01:11:56,928 --> 01:11:58,847
Is my cap on straight?
1092
01:12:22,037 --> 01:12:23,330
Hey, Jack.
1093
01:12:28,668 --> 01:12:31,046
Hey, Mr. Brackett.
1094
01:12:32,172 --> 01:12:33,298
Big day.
1095
01:12:34,132 --> 01:12:36,801
Yeah. Yeah, I can't believe it.
1096
01:12:39,012 --> 01:12:40,639
Congratulations.
1097
01:12:41,848 --> 01:12:44,935
- Yeah, thanks.
- Jack. Come on, we're late.
1098
01:12:45,644 --> 01:12:47,020
Good luck next year.
1099
01:12:48,480 --> 01:12:50,148
You too.
1100
01:12:50,232 --> 01:12:51,900
Indiana State is lucky to have you.
1101
01:13:04,704 --> 01:13:08,333
Hail to thee O Greenleaf High
1102
01:13:08,416 --> 01:13:12,546
'Neath the Indiana sky
1103
01:13:12,629 --> 01:13:16,550
Through thy halls
We spent our youth
1104
01:13:16,633 --> 01:13:20,762
Seeking knowledge, learning truth
1105
01:13:20,845 --> 01:13:25,016
Like a friend who walks beside us
1106
01:13:25,100 --> 01:13:29,104
Greenleaf High will always guide us
1107
01:13:29,187 --> 01:13:33,775
We will love thee till we die
1108
01:13:33,858 --> 01:13:39,781
Hail to thee O Greenleaf High
1109
01:13:46,955 --> 01:13:50,917
That song always reminds me of our...
1110
01:13:51,751 --> 01:13:53,420
Our school motto.
1111
01:13:54,796 --> 01:13:59,384
Studare, Imapre, partire.
1112
01:14:00,510 --> 01:14:04,681
"Study, learn, leave."
1113
01:14:06,182 --> 01:14:08,602
Now, before we begin
handing out diplomas,
1114
01:14:08,685 --> 01:14:10,020
I have an announcement to make.
1115
01:14:10,645 --> 01:14:11,938
We've...
1116
01:14:16,526 --> 01:14:18,570
Well, we've...
1117
01:14:18,653 --> 01:14:21,448
We've had quite a year, haven't we?
1118
01:14:21,531 --> 01:14:25,994
But let's begin our ceremony
on a high note.
1119
01:14:26,077 --> 01:14:30,665
We're awfully proud, of course,
of our Oscar-winning graduate,
1120
01:14:30,749 --> 01:14:32,792
but, today we have a...
1121
01:14:34,252 --> 01:14:36,630
Another winner, if you will.
1122
01:14:36,713 --> 01:14:40,133
That's right, our teacher of the year.
1123
01:14:41,217 --> 01:14:45,180
And what do they say?
"May I have the envelope, please?"
1124
01:14:49,476 --> 01:14:52,020
The winner is...
1125
01:14:52,479 --> 01:14:55,065
I always get so nervous here.
1126
01:14:55,148 --> 01:14:56,941
Can you hear my heart beating?
1127
01:14:59,986 --> 01:15:02,280
Seriously, though,
ladies and gentlemen,
1128
01:15:02,364 --> 01:15:05,116
our brand-new teacher of the year,
1129
01:15:06,785 --> 01:15:08,787
Edward Kenrow.
1130
01:15:09,746 --> 01:15:10,789
No.
1131
01:15:15,543 --> 01:15:17,212
This is such a surprise.
1132
01:15:17,295 --> 01:15:20,048
- Ed, Ed, over here.
- Thank you, Tom.
1133
01:15:22,509 --> 01:15:26,888
Hoosiers.
What is the definition of a Hoosier?
1134
01:15:26,971 --> 01:15:29,349
- Well, in the early part of the...
- Mr. Kenrow?
1135
01:15:29,432 --> 01:15:32,185
- Excuse me?
- Mr. Kenrow.
1136
01:15:32,936 --> 01:15:35,563
Yes, I'm a recent Greenleaf graduate.
1137
01:15:35,647 --> 01:15:37,440
Oh, my God, it's Cameron Drake.
1138
01:15:38,483 --> 01:15:40,068
It's Cameron.
1139
01:15:40,151 --> 01:15:41,403
It's Cameron.
1140
01:15:44,531 --> 01:15:46,616
Guys, please, please.
1141
01:15:52,288 --> 01:15:54,708
People, can we have
a little respect here?
1142
01:15:54,791 --> 01:15:57,794
We have our teacher...
Our teacher of the year.
1143
01:16:00,964 --> 01:16:03,133
Guys, please, please.
1144
01:16:05,301 --> 01:16:06,928
Man, I am...
1145
01:16:07,011 --> 01:16:10,432
I'm really sorry to interrupt.
It's graduation and everything.
1146
01:16:10,515 --> 01:16:12,642
I was looking for Mr. Brackett.
1147
01:16:12,726 --> 01:16:13,810
Hey, Mr. Brackett.
1148
01:16:15,270 --> 01:16:16,604
Cameron.
1149
01:16:17,063 --> 01:16:19,649
Mr. Brackett, weren't you up
for this teacher-of-the-year thing?
1150
01:16:19,733 --> 01:16:21,943
No. Withdrawn.
1151
01:16:22,026 --> 01:16:23,278
Tom.
1152
01:16:23,361 --> 01:16:24,696
Ineligible.
1153
01:16:25,655 --> 01:16:28,199
Mr. Brackett is... He's no longer...
1154
01:16:28,283 --> 01:16:29,868
No longer an emplo...
An employee here.
1155
01:16:30,535 --> 01:16:31,661
What?
1156
01:16:31,745 --> 01:16:33,079
Why? What happened?
1157
01:16:33,538 --> 01:16:35,623
He resigned. Sadly.
1158
01:16:36,958 --> 01:16:38,710
It's fine, Cameron.
It's all over and done with.
1159
01:16:38,793 --> 01:16:39,961
Today belongs to the students.
1160
01:16:40,420 --> 01:16:42,964
Yes, this is for the kids,
for the youngsters.
1161
01:16:43,047 --> 01:16:44,132
They canned him?
1162
01:16:44,215 --> 01:16:46,843
Wait, is this about the Oscars
and the gay thing?
1163
01:16:46,926 --> 01:16:47,969
No.
1164
01:16:48,052 --> 01:16:49,804
- No. No, no, no.
- No.
1165
01:16:50,638 --> 01:16:51,723
Then what is it?
1166
01:16:52,515 --> 01:16:58,146
Well, we felt...
The community felt that... That it was...
1167
01:16:58,521 --> 01:17:02,358
It was a question of... Of influence.
1168
01:17:04,569 --> 01:17:07,030
I'm sorry. I'm a little slow.
1169
01:17:07,113 --> 01:17:10,575
I was a C student,
and now I'm an actor, so...
1170
01:17:11,242 --> 01:17:12,285
Influence?
1171
01:17:12,744 --> 01:17:18,333
Well, you know, I mean, it's all right
to be this way or that way at home,
1172
01:17:18,416 --> 01:17:22,712
you know, in your...
In your private area... Arena.
1173
01:17:23,546 --> 01:17:29,511
But... But Mr. Brackett, after all, is...
Was a teacher.
1174
01:17:30,637 --> 01:17:34,015
Oh, I see, I see.
So you're thinking about the students?
1175
01:17:34,390 --> 01:17:37,852
Yes. Yes, that's... That's what...
That's what this is all about.
1176
01:17:38,561 --> 01:17:41,648
Oh, okay, so...
All right, so stay with me here, then.
1177
01:17:41,731 --> 01:17:45,193
So, what you're saying then
is since Mr. Brackett's gay
1178
01:17:45,276 --> 01:17:50,031
that he's gonna like send out
some kind of voodoo vibes
1179
01:17:50,114 --> 01:17:55,620
or gay microwaves
and make everybody else gay?
1180
01:17:55,703 --> 01:17:58,957
Well, in the... In a... In a crude...
Crude manner of speaking.
1181
01:17:59,040 --> 01:18:01,668
Well, seniors,
you've all had Mr. Brackett.
1182
01:18:02,210 --> 01:18:03,545
Is that the way it works?
1183
01:18:03,628 --> 01:18:06,506
- Kids, you don't have to answer that.
- Really, this is not the time
1184
01:18:06,589 --> 01:18:09,259
- and place to discuss that.
- It's a completely inappropriate forum.
1185
01:18:10,176 --> 01:18:12,303
- Cameron.
- This is still a graduation ceremony.
1186
01:18:12,387 --> 01:18:14,389
May I please finish
my acceptance speech?
1187
01:18:14,848 --> 01:18:18,518
Hoosiers.
What is the definition of a Hoosier?
1188
01:18:18,601 --> 01:18:21,688
- Well, way back in...
- Excuse me, I'm gay.
1189
01:18:25,733 --> 01:18:26,860
Who said that?
1190
01:18:32,156 --> 01:18:33,241
Jack.
1191
01:18:40,206 --> 01:18:43,501
I had Mr. Brackett for senior English.
1192
01:18:43,585 --> 01:18:45,211
He taught me Shakespeare.
1193
01:18:46,421 --> 01:18:50,842
Well, he was my track coach,
and he also helped me get into college.
1194
01:18:52,468 --> 01:18:56,014
I just realized
that what Mr. Halliwell said is right.
1195
01:18:59,434 --> 01:19:01,603
It must've rubbed off.
1196
01:19:01,686 --> 01:19:02,937
I'm gay.
1197
01:19:04,981 --> 01:19:08,318
You see? This is exactly my point.
A young life corrupted.
1198
01:19:08,401 --> 01:19:09,819
Thank you. Very brave.
1199
01:19:11,154 --> 01:19:13,865
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
1200
01:19:13,948 --> 01:19:15,867
- Young lady?
- It's happening.
1201
01:19:16,576 --> 01:19:20,914
I had Mr. Brackett all year and...
Oh, my God, I'm gay.
1202
01:19:20,997 --> 01:19:22,206
Excuse me?
1203
01:19:22,290 --> 01:19:25,168
If there's something wrong
with Mr. Brackett or Jack,
1204
01:19:25,251 --> 01:19:27,253
then there's something wrong with me.
1205
01:19:27,337 --> 01:19:29,088
- I'm gay.
- So am I.
1206
01:19:29,172 --> 01:19:30,798
- Oh, she is not.
- You're not.
1207
01:19:30,882 --> 01:19:33,051
I know you're not. You're a tramp.
1208
01:19:35,345 --> 01:19:37,889
- Mike. Michael.
- Oh, man.
1209
01:19:37,972 --> 01:19:39,140
Stirgo.
1210
01:19:39,223 --> 01:19:43,478
All right. I'm gay.
I'm a homo. I like guys.
1211
01:19:43,561 --> 01:19:45,730
I mean, I still do it with chicks
every chance I get,
1212
01:19:45,813 --> 01:19:47,482
and I'm totally good at it,
1213
01:19:48,608 --> 01:19:51,402
but I hate it and I'm gay.
1214
01:19:51,736 --> 01:19:54,405
Kids, kids, kids,
please, please, sit down.
1215
01:19:55,365 --> 01:19:56,574
We're here to graduate.
1216
01:19:56,658 --> 01:20:01,079
I'm sure Mr. Brackett
is gratified by your display.
1217
01:20:01,579 --> 01:20:05,500
Compassion is a wonderful quality,
however misguided.
1218
01:20:05,583 --> 01:20:09,337
But as Howard very well knows,
the decision is not yours.
1219
01:20:09,420 --> 01:20:10,546
It is a gonad thing.
1220
01:20:12,340 --> 01:20:15,343
A... A grown-up thing.
1221
01:20:16,636 --> 01:20:18,054
I have to answer to the community,
1222
01:20:18,137 --> 01:20:21,849
and as far
as the community is concerned
1223
01:20:21,933 --> 01:20:26,813
toward Howard Brackett,
they have said, "No, no, no."
1224
01:20:28,022 --> 01:20:31,859
Now, please, sit down
and let's pass out some diplomas.
1225
01:20:32,860 --> 01:20:34,570
Well, I'm a...
1226
01:20:40,284 --> 01:20:43,329
I'm a member of the community,
and I don't mind that Howard's gay.
1227
01:20:43,871 --> 01:20:45,206
But you're his brother.
1228
01:20:47,625 --> 01:20:50,837
As... As you... As you know.
1229
01:20:54,340 --> 01:20:55,883
So you know what that means.
1230
01:20:59,929 --> 01:21:01,305
I must be gay.
1231
01:21:02,849 --> 01:21:05,518
But... But...
But you're not a parent, are you?
1232
01:21:06,477 --> 01:21:07,729
Excuse me, I'm a parent.
1233
01:21:11,232 --> 01:21:13,526
I've lived in this town all my life.
1234
01:21:14,986 --> 01:21:16,362
I'm Howard's father.
1235
01:21:20,116 --> 01:21:21,367
And I'm gay.
1236
01:21:25,121 --> 01:21:29,292
I'm Howard's mother,
and I'm very proud of him.
1237
01:21:29,375 --> 01:21:32,045
And I'm... I'm a lesbian.
1238
01:21:35,757 --> 01:21:37,091
Excuse me.
1239
01:21:37,175 --> 01:21:40,470
Hi. I run
the Bridal Barn for Better Brides,
1240
01:21:40,553 --> 01:21:43,222
and I can tell you
Howard has perfect taste.
1241
01:21:43,306 --> 01:21:45,892
So do I. So I'm gay.
1242
01:21:47,143 --> 01:21:50,563
I'm Howard's stylist, and I'm gay.
1243
01:21:50,646 --> 01:21:52,231
And I'm bald.
1244
01:21:54,776 --> 01:21:57,236
I deliver Howard's mail
and everybody else's.
1245
01:21:57,320 --> 01:22:00,198
I'm a federal employee, and I'm gay.
1246
01:22:00,490 --> 01:22:03,242
Fire Chief Fred Mooney,
and the volunteer fire brigade.
1247
01:22:03,951 --> 01:22:05,995
Howard has always been ready
to lend a hand.
1248
01:22:06,788 --> 01:22:08,122
Gay!
1249
01:22:08,206 --> 01:22:09,373
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1250
01:22:09,916 --> 01:22:11,584
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1251
01:22:12,043 --> 01:22:13,920
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1252
01:22:14,420 --> 01:22:16,672
- I'm gay!
- I'm gay!
1253
01:22:16,756 --> 01:22:18,466
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1254
01:22:18,549 --> 01:22:20,051
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1255
01:22:20,134 --> 01:22:21,761
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1256
01:22:21,844 --> 01:22:23,721
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1257
01:22:26,849 --> 01:22:28,392
I'm gay!
1258
01:22:28,476 --> 01:22:29,852
- I'm gay.
- I'm gay.
1259
01:22:30,520 --> 01:22:33,022
But he's not the teacher of the year.
1260
01:22:33,106 --> 01:22:36,025
I am, and this belongs to me.
1261
01:22:36,109 --> 01:22:38,986
Well, maybe Mr. Brackett
deserves something else.
1262
01:23:04,345 --> 01:23:05,513
Thank you.
1263
01:23:38,754 --> 01:23:40,882
- You ready?
- Nearly.
1264
01:23:42,884 --> 01:23:45,595
Very snappy. Nervous?
1265
01:23:46,470 --> 01:23:47,847
No. Why should I be nervous?
1266
01:23:47,930 --> 01:23:50,433
It's just a wedding.
I just want everything to be perfect.
1267
01:23:50,516 --> 01:23:52,059
It will be.
1268
01:23:52,810 --> 01:23:54,061
Is your cameraman here?
1269
01:23:54,604 --> 01:23:57,023
No. Not today. I'm not filming this.
1270
01:23:57,607 --> 01:24:00,735
There are some things
more important than showbiz.
1271
01:24:01,402 --> 01:24:02,778
Really? Like what?
1272
01:24:03,404 --> 01:24:06,073
I don't know. But didn't that sound good?
1273
01:24:06,657 --> 01:24:08,409
Guys, we're starting.
1274
01:24:11,370 --> 01:24:13,080
Preacher's waiting.
1275
01:24:19,170 --> 01:24:22,256
What a truly special occasion.
1276
01:24:22,340 --> 01:24:25,176
What a joyous ceremony.
1277
01:24:25,259 --> 01:24:27,428
What an unusual couple.
1278
01:24:31,182 --> 01:24:32,975
Berniece, after 42 years,
1279
01:24:33,059 --> 01:24:35,978
do you still take Frank
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
1280
01:24:37,230 --> 01:24:38,606
I do.
1281
01:24:38,689 --> 01:24:42,109
And do you, Frank, take Berniece
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
1282
01:24:42,193 --> 01:24:43,611
I'd better.
1283
01:24:44,987 --> 01:24:49,992
I now pronounce your vows renewed
for another 42 years.
1284
01:24:50,076 --> 01:24:51,744
You may kiss the bride.