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Subtitles by explosiveskull
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(DRUMROLL)
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(FANFARE PLAYING)
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(MUSIC ENDS)
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♪ Yes, I ride the lightning,
yes, I'm on the go ♪
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♪ And when I go down slow,
I need more power now ♪
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♪ It keeps me damn lucky,
yes, I just won't stop ♪
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♪ I'm lit to pop, oh, yes,
I got the power now ♪
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♪ ♪
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♪ I got a secret
that I'm gonna tell ♪
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♪ I'm feeling power
from the pit of Hell, yeah ♪
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(SIREN WAILING)
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♪ The power's flowing
and it just won't stop ♪
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(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
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♪ I touch a woman, make the
flesh burn hot, yeah ♪
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♪ Want love to spread,
I think I'm gonna spread it ♪
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♪ The secret's easy,
now lend me your ear ♪
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♪ Don't hesitate,
there's not a thing to fear ♪
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♪ Oh yes I ride the lightning,
yes I'm on the go ♪
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♪ And when I go down slow
I need more power now ♪
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(POUNDING)
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(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
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Do you know how fast
you were going?
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No, I don't, Officer.
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Turn that radio off, please.
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That's not the radio.
That's the band practicing.
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(SNIFFING)
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Is that marijuana?
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(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
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You got a party bowl up there?
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Mm, nah.
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It's okay, it's okay.
Is it good?
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(STRAINED) Mm.
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Yeah. Open it up!
I'm fucking boarding you!
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DRIVER: 5-0!
5-0 coming on board.
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Officer, you can't
just waltz on in here!
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Do you know
who these guys are?
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Unplug this shit right now.
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(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
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No way.
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No fucking way.
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♪ I got a secret
that I'm gonna tell ♪
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♪ I'm feeling power
from the pit of hell, yeah ♪
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♪ I got something to say ♪
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♪ I think
I'm gonna say it ♪
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Holy shit!
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You guys are the highway cops
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that got shut down
and became local cops.
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Then due to some
kinda crazy "incident"...
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you got kicked off
of that force,
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so you started playing music.
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And before you knew it,
you won America's Got Talent.
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You're Cracklin' Bacon!
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What a long,
strange trip it's been.
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I love you guys! (CHUCKLING)
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Oh, I gotta tell my partner.
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He's not gonna believe this!
Okay, hold on.
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- Dude, you gotta get over here right now.
- WAGNER: Copy.
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He's gonna shit his pants.
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MAC: You know what
would be hilarious?
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When he comes on the bus,
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kick him in the nuts
as hard as you can.
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- Really?
- Just drill the guy!
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What the hell
is going on in here?
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- (GROANS)
- (ALL EXCLAIMING)
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(WAGNER COUGHING)
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(LAUGHTER)
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Oh, my God!
You're Cracklin' Bacon!
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You guys are my favorite band,
like, ever!
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What? You didn't even know
who Cracklin' Bacon was...
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until I played them
for you.
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Yeah, I did!
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Oh, really?
What's your favorite song?
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"Pulled Pork."
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- Yeah? How does it go then?
- Uh...
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♪ I'm gonna eat you
like a pulled pork sandwich ♪
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♪ Get inside your bread
like a hot steak Manwich ♪
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(ALL EXCLAIMING)
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This guy's got some pipes!
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Hey, how would you like
to join Cracklin' Bacon?
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We're looking
for a new lead singer.
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Holy shit! (LAUGHING)
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Yeah, oh, I can do it
better than him.
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♪ I'm gonna eat you
like a pulled pork sandwich ♪
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♪ Kung Fu you
like a Jackie Chan-wich ♪
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- (ALL EXCLAIM)
- Not bad.
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(LAUGHS)
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You guys clearly
have the sound.
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But do you have the moves?
Hit it.
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(BAND PLAYING ROCK MUSIC)
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- Fist-pumps!
- (ALL CHEERING)
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- Pelvic thrusts.
- (BOTH PUFFING)
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Shake your tail feathers.
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- Shake that ass.
- (ALL CHEER)
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Now kiss each other.
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I'm sorry. Come again?
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Come on, rock and roll!
Rock and roll, baby!
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WOMAN 1: Do it!
MEN: Kiss him!
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(CHANTING) Kiss him! Kiss him!
Kiss him! Kiss him!
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(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)
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(ALL EXCLAIMING)
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(LAUGHTER)
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I knew
you were fucking with us.
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You're fucking
with us, man!
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All right, all right.
You guys clearly have
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what it takes
for rock and roll.
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But there's one more test
you gotta pass
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before we let you
join Cracklin' Bacon.
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We wanna know if you can
keep up with Juicy Lucy.
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(ALL EXCLAIM TEASINGLY)
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She looks
pretty juicy to me.
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Oh, no, she's
in the back, okay?
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But I warn you,
she can be quite a handful.
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Let's go handle that!
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ALL: (CHANTING) Juicy Lucy!
Juicy Lucy! Juicy Lucy!
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About to get juicy up in here!
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WOMAN 1: Hey, baby.
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Hello, Juicy Lucy.
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Oh, that's not Lucy.
Lucy's better.
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(CHUCKLES) Oh, man!
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Fellas, on the other side
of this door
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is everlasting fame and glory.
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You get the giney,
I'll get the hiney.
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(BEEPS)
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Say hello to Lucy! (YELLS)
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(BOTH GROAN)
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Move it or lose it!
It's time to cruise it!
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Let's do it!
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(TIRES SCREECH)
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Motherfucker!
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(BAND PLAYING ROCK MUSIC)
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(TIRES SCREECHING)
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(ALL CHEERING)
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(LAUGHING)
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- Son-of-a-bitch!
- Crap damnit!
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We sang our hearts off
for those guys. Our hearts!
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(SIREN WAILING)
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THORNY: We got company.
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(ALL EXCLAIMING)
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(LAUGHING)
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Can't outrun the law,
motherfucker!
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♪ Don't hesitate,
there's not a thing to fear ♪
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Fuck you, Cracklin' Bacon!
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Whoa!
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(TIRES SCREECHING)
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(OFFICERS SCREAMING)
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Oh, shit!
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(ALL EXCLAIMING)
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Motherfucker.
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Eat it. Eat it.
Eat it. Eat it.
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(GUNSHOTS)
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- (GUNSHOTS CONTINUE)
- (SHOUTING)
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Ah.
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(ALL CHEERING)
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Suck these
fucking bullets, bitch!
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- (GUNSHOTS)
- (GLASS SHATTERS)
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(GASPS AND WHIMPERS)
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- (GLASS SHATTERS)
- (MUSIC STOPS)
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Oh, shit! Mac. Hey,
stay with me. Stay with me.
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(WHEEZING) We almost got
those stupid cops...
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(CHUCKLES)
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- ...to kiss.
- Shit.
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(SCREAMING)
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What's that?
165
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What the...
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Whoa! (YELLS)
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(OFFICERS SHRIEKING)
168
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Shit!
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(SIGHS)
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Hey.
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I still love those guys.
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Yeah, they're cool as hell.
(CHUCKLES)
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I mean, look at him.
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Still cool.
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00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,523
We should probably hide
that body, though.
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Yeah.
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Hey, great driving, Thorn!
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Thorny? Thorny?
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Oh, my God! He's dead!
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- Oh, no!
- Ha-ha!
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- Aha!
- I got you, motherfucker!
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(LAUGHTER)
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- I'm not dead! I'm alive!
- He's alive!
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Look out!
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Holy...
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(ALL YELLING)
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(ALL SCREAMING)
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- (GRUNTS)
- (SCREAMING CONTINUES)
189
00:07:52,153 --> 00:07:53,454
(SHOUTS)
190
00:07:54,556 --> 00:07:56,592
- Ahhh!
- (YELLING)
191
00:07:58,059 --> 00:07:59,394
(SHOUTS MANIACALLY)
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00:07:59,828 --> 00:08:02,364
(BOTH SCREAMING)
193
00:08:03,597 --> 00:08:05,030
- (FARVA LAUGHS)
- (SIGHS)
194
00:08:05,032 --> 00:08:07,100
You sleeping, baby boy?
195
00:08:07,102 --> 00:08:09,335
No, I'm just checking out
the ceiling, Farva.
196
00:08:09,337 --> 00:08:10,470
Good work up there.
197
00:08:10,472 --> 00:08:12,304
All right, pull out your caulk
and let's go.
198
00:08:12,306 --> 00:08:13,439
What?
199
00:08:13,441 --> 00:08:15,775
Let's go! I'm standing here
with my caulk in my hand.
200
00:08:15,777 --> 00:08:17,276
Grab your caulk,
let's put it in the holes!
201
00:08:17,278 --> 00:08:18,545
Come on, let me see
that big caulk.
202
00:08:18,547 --> 00:08:19,645
Oh, shut up.
203
00:08:19,647 --> 00:08:20,946
Show me your Rabbit caulk!
204
00:08:20,948 --> 00:08:22,014
MAC: You know
what's funny, Farva?
205
00:08:22,016 --> 00:08:23,583
You've made that joke
400 times
206
00:08:23,585 --> 00:08:24,751
and it still sucks.
207
00:08:24,753 --> 00:08:25,951
Fuck you, Mac.
208
00:08:25,953 --> 00:08:27,386
You don't talk to your
site supervisor like that.
209
00:08:27,388 --> 00:08:29,489
That's one demerit
on your permanent record.
210
00:08:29,491 --> 00:08:31,456
(GASPS)On my permanent
construction record?
211
00:08:31,458 --> 00:08:33,059
That's right. You want
another one, keep it up.
212
00:08:33,061 --> 00:08:34,426
Yeah, give me another
and I'll pinch your dick.
213
00:08:34,428 --> 00:08:36,762
- That's two. You want to go for three?
- Okay.
214
00:08:36,764 --> 00:08:38,430
Bingo! You got it!
You want another one?
215
00:08:38,432 --> 00:08:40,099
- Pretty, pretty please.
- You got it!
216
00:08:40,101 --> 00:08:41,400
- You want another one?
- I'll take them all!
217
00:08:41,402 --> 00:08:42,736
That's seven!
You want another one?!
218
00:08:42,738 --> 00:08:43,803
Give me ten!
219
00:08:43,805 --> 00:08:45,170
Bingo!
220
00:08:45,172 --> 00:08:47,240
Mac! Stop.
221
00:08:47,242 --> 00:08:51,011
You mess with the bull,
you get covered in bullshit.
222
00:08:51,013 --> 00:08:53,215
(CHEWING LOUDLY)
223
00:08:56,450 --> 00:08:58,450
- What a tool.
- Yeah.
224
00:08:58,452 --> 00:08:59,953
I had the craziest dream.
225
00:08:59,955 --> 00:09:01,521
Who were the cops this time?
226
00:09:01,523 --> 00:09:02,889
Stifler and Damon Wayans Jr.
227
00:09:02,891 --> 00:09:04,024
Did they almost kiss?
228
00:09:04,026 --> 00:09:06,926
Yeah. Yeah.
Almost got them to.
229
00:09:06,928 --> 00:09:08,828
(COUNTRY MUSIC
RINGTONE PLAYING)
230
00:09:08,830 --> 00:09:09,962
Uh, hello.
231
00:09:09,964 --> 00:09:12,665
- Morning, Mac!
- Good morning, Uncle Argyle.
232
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:15,635
Code names? Is Farva nearby?
233
00:09:15,637 --> 00:09:16,870
Oh, yeah. Spitting distance.
234
00:09:16,872 --> 00:09:19,137
Do me a favor,
spackle his mouth shut.
235
00:09:19,139 --> 00:09:20,473
MAC:
(LAUGHS) Okay, will do.
236
00:09:20,475 --> 00:09:23,609
So, change of location for
this weekend's fishing trip.
237
00:09:23,611 --> 00:09:25,245
Just over the Canadian border.
238
00:09:25,247 --> 00:09:27,112
Oh, sweet! I love Canada.
239
00:09:27,114 --> 00:09:30,150
(CHUCKLES) Good one!
I'll mail you the address.
240
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,852
- What, like with a stamp? Just text me.
- Text?
241
00:09:32,854 --> 00:09:36,290
Oh, you mean like,
uh, mail text? Yeah.
242
00:09:36,292 --> 00:09:38,891
I do believe I have
that facility on this phone.
243
00:09:38,893 --> 00:09:40,293
Okay, will do.
244
00:09:40,295 --> 00:09:42,261
That's it. I'm teaching you
how to text this weekend.
245
00:09:42,263 --> 00:09:43,963
- No personal calls, Mac.
- What the fuck?
246
00:09:43,965 --> 00:09:46,698
- Whoop.
- Oh, God damn it, Farva.
247
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:49,368
- I told you no personal calls.
- It was a sales call.
248
00:09:49,370 --> 00:09:50,670
Oh, yeah?
What were they selling?
249
00:09:50,672 --> 00:09:52,572
Ooh, was it canned salmon?
I love canned salmon.
250
00:09:52,574 --> 00:09:54,741
It's better than tuna,
you know. It's a salty fish.
251
00:09:54,743 --> 00:09:55,842
I like a salty fish.
252
00:09:55,844 --> 00:09:57,477
Like a grouper
or maybe a branzino.
253
00:09:57,479 --> 00:09:59,545
Something that really
jerks off your blood pressure.
254
00:09:59,547 --> 00:10:02,082
You know what's salty? Turtle.
You ever had turtle before?
255
00:10:02,084 --> 00:10:03,750
Saltiest part? The shell.
256
00:10:03,752 --> 00:10:05,885
What do I have to say to get
you to end this conversation?
257
00:10:05,887 --> 00:10:07,286
You could say,
"The guy on the phone
258
00:10:07,288 --> 00:10:09,054
was trying to sell me
hard dicks."
259
00:10:09,056 --> 00:10:10,957
The guy on the phone was
trying to sell me hard dicks.
260
00:10:10,959 --> 00:10:12,858
I bet you bought
a baker's dozen. (LAUGHS)
261
00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:14,059
Let's lay some caulk!
262
00:10:14,061 --> 00:10:16,565
I got fresh caulk, everybody!
Hot caulk here.
263
00:10:17,499 --> 00:10:19,631
Who wants caulk?
264
00:10:19,633 --> 00:10:22,168
MAC: He really wants to leave
right from work, huh?
265
00:10:22,170 --> 00:10:24,173
RABBIT: He said,
"Real men travel light."
266
00:10:27,676 --> 00:10:30,112
(GRUNTING)
267
00:10:36,084 --> 00:10:38,220
God, he looks ridiculous.
268
00:10:41,455 --> 00:10:43,256
No, I think
he looks pretty cool.
269
00:10:43,258 --> 00:10:44,491
Like the Brawny
Paper Towel Guy.
270
00:10:44,493 --> 00:10:47,160
See, I was gonna say
the Bombay Paper Towel Guy.
271
00:10:47,162 --> 00:10:48,261
- RABBIT: Hey, Thorn.
- MAC: Hey.
272
00:10:48,263 --> 00:10:50,863
Job sucks.
It's all sap and splinters.
273
00:10:50,865 --> 00:10:51,964
(MAC LAUGHS)
274
00:10:51,966 --> 00:10:53,599
Now it smells like Bombay.
275
00:10:53,601 --> 00:10:54,934
- You wanna put that shirt back on?
- Whew!
276
00:10:54,936 --> 00:10:56,069
Breathe it in, little fella.
277
00:10:56,071 --> 00:10:57,569
That's the smell
of a mountain man.
278
00:10:57,571 --> 00:11:00,106
Right. Okay, what time you due
back at the hobo zoo?
279
00:11:00,108 --> 00:11:01,542
- (LAUGHS)
- (SIREN CHIRPS)
280
00:11:05,912 --> 00:11:07,179
Hey, hey!
281
00:11:07,181 --> 00:11:08,481
What's up, guys?
282
00:11:08,483 --> 00:11:09,849
Nice ride!
283
00:11:09,851 --> 00:11:11,083
RABBIT: Hey, Chief.
284
00:11:11,085 --> 00:11:12,388
Son of a bitch.
285
00:11:13,153 --> 00:11:14,920
- Ta-da!
- MEN: Hey!
286
00:11:14,922 --> 00:11:16,423
What's up, Foster?
287
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:17,491
He is all yours.
288
00:11:17,493 --> 00:11:19,959
I'm tired of him riding
in my sidecar anyway.
289
00:11:19,961 --> 00:11:21,493
That's not what
you said last night.
290
00:11:21,495 --> 00:11:23,029
OFFICER (ON RADIO):
Chief, we have a 214
291
00:11:23,031 --> 00:11:24,564
out at
the Shuck n' Rack Motel.
292
00:11:24,566 --> 00:11:25,665
Officer needs guidance.
293
00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:27,299
- I'll be right there.
- OFFICER (ON RADIO): Copy.
294
00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:29,102
(SIGHS) I wish you guys
didn't get fired.
295
00:11:29,104 --> 00:11:31,838
We weren't fired.
We were invited to resign.
296
00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:33,205
- Ah.
- Ooh, I like that.
297
00:11:33,207 --> 00:11:36,007
No, you were fired. There was
that ride-along gone wrong.
298
00:11:36,009 --> 00:11:38,010
Then you were fired.
299
00:11:38,012 --> 00:11:39,612
We'll just have to agree
to disagree.
300
00:11:39,614 --> 00:11:40,746
All right.
301
00:11:40,748 --> 00:11:42,948
Well, you fellas have fun.
302
00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:45,184
Just get him back
in one piece, all right?
303
00:11:45,186 --> 00:11:47,587
With the rod. I'm gonna
need it next weekend.
304
00:11:47,589 --> 00:11:48,654
Hello!
305
00:11:48,656 --> 00:11:49,622
That's my girl.
306
00:11:49,624 --> 00:11:51,325
All right, boys,
let's go fishing.
307
00:11:54,361 --> 00:11:56,127
THORNY: And the beauty is,
the black is so black
308
00:11:56,129 --> 00:11:57,296
that it's really blue.
309
00:11:57,298 --> 00:11:59,232
I mean,
it's really midnight blue.
310
00:11:59,234 --> 00:12:01,032
Ah, just like
the old days, huh?
311
00:12:01,034 --> 00:12:02,367
Driving around
the countryside,
312
00:12:02,369 --> 00:12:03,937
listening to Thorny
talk about his dick.
313
00:12:03,939 --> 00:12:05,872
- I miss the old days.
- RABBIT: That's bullshit, man.
314
00:12:05,874 --> 00:12:07,473
That Fred Savage thing
was not our fault.
315
00:12:07,475 --> 00:12:09,275
Actors shouldn't
do ride-alongs.
316
00:12:09,277 --> 00:12:10,876
Actors shouldn't even
try to play cops.
317
00:12:10,878 --> 00:12:12,612
I mean, (SCOFFS)
they never get it right.
318
00:12:12,614 --> 00:12:13,614
(LAUGHTER)
319
00:12:19,988 --> 00:12:22,155
- Hey, there.
- How you doin'?
320
00:12:22,157 --> 00:12:24,490
Good. You boys here
for business or pleasure?
321
00:12:24,492 --> 00:12:26,126
- Just going fishing.
- Good timing.
322
00:12:26,128 --> 00:12:27,727
You'll be up to yer tits
in the walleye.
323
00:12:27,729 --> 00:12:30,096
I caught one last week.
Was seven kilograms.
324
00:12:30,098 --> 00:12:31,530
Is that big?
325
00:12:31,532 --> 00:12:33,734
Is that big? That's like nine
decimeters from tip to tail.
326
00:12:34,735 --> 00:12:37,102
- You a jigger man?
- What did you call me?
327
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:38,271
Well, I like to use
the jigger rod
328
00:12:38,273 --> 00:12:39,572
for when I'm catching
the walleye.
329
00:12:39,574 --> 00:12:40,873
But of course
when you're doing that
330
00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:42,174
you gotta run extra light.
331
00:12:42,176 --> 00:12:45,078
Unless you're someone like
you there in the back.
332
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,913
- What are you, a bodybuilder?
- (CHUCKLES) No.
333
00:12:46,915 --> 00:12:48,580
What do you bench?
Wait, don't tell me.
334
00:12:48,582 --> 00:12:50,315
I don't want you
to embarrass me.
335
00:12:50,317 --> 00:12:53,519
- But I would like two tickets to your gun show. (LAUGHS)
- FOSTER: Ah, okay.
336
00:12:53,521 --> 00:12:56,454
You guys are good to go.
Sorry to hold ya up.
337
00:12:56,456 --> 00:12:59,327
- Let them go!
- MAC: Thanks! Take her easy.
338
00:13:00,561 --> 00:13:02,694
(IN CANADIAN ACCENT)
Typical Canadian hardass.
339
00:13:02,696 --> 00:13:04,997
(IN CANADIAN ACCENT) "Sorry.
I'm really sorry. Sorry."
340
00:13:04,999 --> 00:13:06,698
(IN CANADIAN ACCENT)
"Oh, so sorry."
341
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,700
(IN CANADIAN ACCENT) Hey,
fellas, any chance you can
342
00:13:08,702 --> 00:13:11,003
come over to the house later
and play some Sorry?
343
00:13:11,005 --> 00:13:13,272
MAC: Sure.
How about nine o'clock?
344
00:13:13,274 --> 00:13:15,141
THORNY: Ooh,
nine o'clock doesn't work.
345
00:13:15,143 --> 00:13:16,543
- Sorry about that.
- (LAUGHTER)
346
00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:18,277
MAC (IN NORMAL TONE):
French ones are the worst. Ha!
347
00:13:18,279 --> 00:13:20,378
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Would you
like some ratatouille
348
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:22,681
with your pain du chocolat?
349
00:13:22,683 --> 00:13:26,218
Oui, oui! I'm gonna get
some jambon et fromage.
350
00:13:26,220 --> 00:13:27,655
(LAUGHTER)
351
00:13:29,224 --> 00:13:30,455
THORNY: This can't be it.
352
00:13:30,457 --> 00:13:32,324
MAC: Well, this is the address
Cap sent me.
353
00:13:32,326 --> 00:13:35,059
Although he did just learn
how to text.
354
00:13:35,061 --> 00:13:36,295
Now what would compel somebody
355
00:13:36,297 --> 00:13:37,664
to throw a tire
up on the roof?
356
00:13:37,666 --> 00:13:40,165
FOSTER: What, you never played
"Throw the Tire on the Roof"?
357
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:41,333
MAC: (LAUGHS)
No, is that the kind of shit
358
00:13:41,335 --> 00:13:42,501
you guys played in Rutland?
359
00:13:42,503 --> 00:13:44,873
FOSTER: Sure. Never got
"tired" of that game.
360
00:13:50,811 --> 00:13:53,378
(FLIES BUZZING)
361
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,747
FOSTER: Uh, we are
in the wrong place.
362
00:13:55,749 --> 00:13:59,117
O'HAGAN:
No. You're in the right place.
363
00:13:59,119 --> 00:14:00,252
MAC: What's the deal
with the creepy,
364
00:14:00,254 --> 00:14:01,420
remote shithole, Cap?
365
00:14:01,422 --> 00:14:02,988
You gonna make us put
the lotion in the basket?
366
00:14:02,990 --> 00:14:04,591
No, I've got a surprise
for you.
367
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:07,025
I didn't tell you up front
'cause you tend to be
368
00:14:07,027 --> 00:14:09,429
a bunch of
wide-mouth bassholes.
369
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:13,998
Well, then, why don't you let
me reel in these fish, John?
370
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,568
THORNY:
Governor Jessman?
371
00:14:15,570 --> 00:14:17,069
Hey, I didn't see
the motorcade.
372
00:14:17,071 --> 00:14:19,606
- We're keeping my visit quiet.
- Mm.
373
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:20,973
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, Cappy, you dirty dog.
374
00:14:20,975 --> 00:14:22,641
Show some respect, Mac!
375
00:14:22,643 --> 00:14:23,609
Sorry.
376
00:14:23,611 --> 00:14:25,511
I'm here
on official business.
377
00:14:25,513 --> 00:14:27,814
We've got
an intriguing situation
378
00:14:27,816 --> 00:14:29,549
going on in these parts.
379
00:14:29,551 --> 00:14:32,319
JESSMAN: With all the heat
on immigration these days,
380
00:14:32,321 --> 00:14:33,986
the U.S. has been
going through
381
00:14:33,988 --> 00:14:35,420
a border reassessment.
382
00:14:35,422 --> 00:14:38,223
It turns out that some
of the original stone markers
383
00:14:38,225 --> 00:14:40,392
that delineated
America from Canada,
384
00:14:40,394 --> 00:14:41,763
weren't where
we thought they'd be.
385
00:14:42,562 --> 00:14:44,664
Here is where the border was.
386
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:48,734
But here is where
we found the stone markers.
387
00:14:48,736 --> 00:14:51,471
So this town,
St. Georges du Laurent,
388
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,372
and the area surrounding it,
389
00:14:53,374 --> 00:14:55,440
are actually on American soil.
390
00:14:55,442 --> 00:14:56,876
So we're going to war?
391
00:14:56,878 --> 00:14:59,145
(IN CANADIAN ACCENT) Ah, gee,
that'd be a quick one, eh?
392
00:14:59,147 --> 00:15:00,378
(ALL LAUGH)
393
00:15:00,380 --> 00:15:01,848
No. After negotiations,
394
00:15:01,850 --> 00:15:03,782
they've agreed
to turn the land over.
395
00:15:03,784 --> 00:15:04,751
Vermont's about to get
396
00:15:04,753 --> 00:15:06,586
- a little more head room.
- RABBIT: Hm.
397
00:15:06,588 --> 00:15:08,255
So, it was up to me to find
398
00:15:08,257 --> 00:15:10,723
a temporary police force
to help with the transition.
399
00:15:10,725 --> 00:15:13,959
A group of officers
familiar with the border area,
400
00:15:13,961 --> 00:15:17,796
experienced in patrolling
a stretch of highway.
401
00:15:17,798 --> 00:15:21,833
Guys who maybe caught a bad
break the last time around?
402
00:15:21,835 --> 00:15:24,136
So, you fellas want
a crack at your old jobs?
403
00:15:24,138 --> 00:15:26,405
(ALL CHEERING)
404
00:15:26,407 --> 00:15:29,875
Easy, you hooligans!
I'm a senior citizen!
405
00:15:29,877 --> 00:15:32,411
And if this two-week
assignment goes well,
406
00:15:32,413 --> 00:15:34,247
I might be able
to make it permanent.
407
00:15:34,249 --> 00:15:36,650
Trust us. It'll go well.
408
00:15:36,652 --> 00:15:37,982
And who are you?
409
00:15:37,984 --> 00:15:39,819
Oh, I'm one of the cops.
410
00:15:39,821 --> 00:15:41,621
We picked him up
outside of Home Depot.
411
00:15:41,623 --> 00:15:43,455
Fantastic.
412
00:15:43,457 --> 00:15:45,525
You'll be phasing out
a Canadian Mountie unit.
413
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,727
We lined up a meet and greet
with them tomorrow.
414
00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:48,729
(CAR HORN HONKING)
415
00:15:50,130 --> 00:15:51,430
Oh, yeah!
416
00:15:51,432 --> 00:15:53,632
I wanted to make sure you had
your full team back,
417
00:15:53,634 --> 00:15:55,568
so I tracked down
your other guy too.
418
00:15:55,570 --> 00:15:56,935
(SIGHS) No fucking way.
419
00:15:56,937 --> 00:15:57,837
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Oh, no.
420
00:15:57,839 --> 00:16:01,306
Sorry I'm late.
Hit a moose doing 90.
421
00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:03,309
- Vaporized the beyotch!
- (O'HAGAN SIGHS)
422
00:16:03,311 --> 00:16:04,776
FARVA: You know they have
Eskimo hookers up here?
423
00:16:04,778 --> 00:16:06,880
When they have sex,
they really get "Inuit".
424
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,613
(LAUGHS) Pelé!
425
00:16:08,615 --> 00:16:09,482
(GROANS)
426
00:16:09,484 --> 00:16:10,686
MAC:
God damn it.
427
00:16:11,452 --> 00:16:12,785
Farva, you fuck.
428
00:16:12,787 --> 00:16:13,953
Back in business!
429
00:16:13,955 --> 00:16:16,358
- (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
- (TRIMMER WHIRRING)
430
00:16:37,043 --> 00:16:41,146
Bullshit! Who ordered these?
I can't feel my tits!
431
00:16:41,148 --> 00:16:42,450
(ALL LAUGH)
432
00:17:05,773 --> 00:17:06,838
Hey!
433
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,273
Desk buddies, guy?
434
00:17:08,275 --> 00:17:10,510
Are you positive
you want to quit your old job?
435
00:17:10,512 --> 00:17:12,478
I mean,
Construction Supervisor.
436
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,279
And give up the chance
to crack some Canuck melons?
437
00:17:14,281 --> 00:17:16,084
I don't think so, bro-haim.
438
00:17:17,151 --> 00:17:18,751
♪ Welcome to the Fart Zone ♪
439
00:17:18,753 --> 00:17:20,618
- (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
- FOSTER: Body armor, check.
440
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:23,255
Tactical flashlights. Why not?
441
00:17:23,257 --> 00:17:25,390
Ooh, heat vision goggles.
Check.
442
00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:26,693
Why would we need those?
443
00:17:26,695 --> 00:17:27,893
Uh, we're in Canada now,
Rabbit.
444
00:17:27,895 --> 00:17:29,627
What if we have to find
somebody in the snow?
445
00:17:29,629 --> 00:17:30,695
Uh, there is snow in Vermont.
446
00:17:30,697 --> 00:17:32,431
Okay,
I'm the "order stuff" guy.
447
00:17:32,433 --> 00:17:33,801
You do your thing. All right?
448
00:17:34,202 --> 00:17:35,334
Okay.
449
00:17:35,336 --> 00:17:38,738
One yellow safety vest
for Rabbit.
450
00:17:38,740 --> 00:17:41,941
Woo! A roving
GPS triangulator.
451
00:17:41,943 --> 00:17:44,409
Triangulator? Get a load
of James Bond over here.
452
00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:45,677
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
453
00:17:45,679 --> 00:17:48,114
Another yellow safety vest
for Thorny.
454
00:17:48,116 --> 00:17:49,648
FARVA: Thorn, Thorn, Thorn,
Thorn, Thorn, Thorn.
455
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:53,319
Ram. Rod. Ram. Rod. Ramrod.
You're out, he's in.
456
00:17:53,321 --> 00:17:55,320
Okay.
457
00:17:55,322 --> 00:17:57,656
O'HAGAN:
Hey, place looks great!
458
00:17:57,658 --> 00:17:59,024
MAC: What have you
been cleaning, Cap?
459
00:17:59,026 --> 00:18:01,327
I'll clean your clock
if you don't watch out.
460
00:18:01,329 --> 00:18:02,830
Okay, let's get started.
461
00:18:03,998 --> 00:18:05,396
Don't push it, Mac.
462
00:18:05,398 --> 00:18:06,866
Get started
doing some pullovers?
463
00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:08,200
No, we're not doing
your pullovers.
464
00:18:08,202 --> 00:18:09,503
Everything will be
by the book.
465
00:18:10,303 --> 00:18:11,605
Everything!
466
00:18:14,542 --> 00:18:16,674
Cap, you know how hard
I worked on this thing?
467
00:18:16,676 --> 00:18:18,476
Big face, big mustache.
468
00:18:18,478 --> 00:18:20,279
I don't care how big
your face is. Shave it!
469
00:18:20,281 --> 00:18:21,347
FARVA:
Cap, Cap, Cap, Cap!
470
00:18:21,349 --> 00:18:22,414
I'm good, right?
471
00:18:22,416 --> 00:18:24,482
I got a tight mouth-muff.
(EXHALES)
472
00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:27,219
- Talk about big faces.
- That's face-ism, Cap.
473
00:18:27,221 --> 00:18:29,088
Not regulation! Shave it!
474
00:18:29,090 --> 00:18:31,991
Right! Let's go
and see some Mounties.
475
00:18:31,993 --> 00:18:35,931
(CHUCKLES) Remember the three
B's: Best Behavior, Boys.
476
00:18:39,767 --> 00:18:40,801
Hey.
477
00:18:42,102 --> 00:18:45,003
- How's it going?
- Feels like 1983 in here.
478
00:18:45,005 --> 00:18:46,538
(IN CANADIAN ACCENT)
Oh, there they are.
479
00:18:46,540 --> 00:18:48,540
I am Mayor Guy LeFranc.
480
00:18:48,542 --> 00:18:51,344
Mayor of Saint Georges
du Laurent, Canada!
481
00:18:51,346 --> 00:18:53,613
Or, as it's about to be known:
482
00:18:53,615 --> 00:18:56,348
St. George of Lawrence,
America. (CHUCKLES)
483
00:18:56,350 --> 00:18:59,385
I don't know. I'm not so good
with American. Welcome.
484
00:18:59,387 --> 00:19:01,119
Uh, the Guy LeFranc?
485
00:19:01,121 --> 00:19:03,388
From the Montreal Canadiens
Minor League system?
486
00:19:03,390 --> 00:19:05,825
The leading scorer
of the Halifax Bear Eaters?
487
00:19:05,827 --> 00:19:07,693
Eighth most points
in CHL history.
488
00:19:07,695 --> 00:19:10,061
Yeah, I know. Two points
behind Shotti Fitznugly.
489
00:19:10,063 --> 00:19:11,129
Look at this guy!
490
00:19:11,131 --> 00:19:12,365
I love hockey.
491
00:19:12,367 --> 00:19:13,732
Your nickname, um,
492
00:19:13,734 --> 00:19:15,467
don't tell me,
it was, uh, "The Explosion".
493
00:19:15,469 --> 00:19:17,337
"The Halifax Explosion."
494
00:19:17,339 --> 00:19:19,370
Named after
the single greatest
495
00:19:19,372 --> 00:19:21,840
man-made explosion
before Hiroshima.
496
00:19:21,842 --> 00:19:23,541
It was 1917,
497
00:19:23,543 --> 00:19:24,976
ship laden with dynamite
498
00:19:24,978 --> 00:19:27,379
crashed into another ship
in Halifax Harbor.
499
00:19:27,381 --> 00:19:28,947
Tremendous explosion
and loss of life.
500
00:19:28,949 --> 00:19:30,683
Burned people's eyes out
with the blast.
501
00:19:30,685 --> 00:19:32,351
Many were blinded
by the light.
502
00:19:32,353 --> 00:19:33,484
Like the song says.
503
00:19:33,486 --> 00:19:36,088
And a First Nations tribe
was lost.
504
00:19:36,090 --> 00:19:37,589
Probably would've
happened to them anyway,
505
00:19:37,591 --> 00:19:39,157
- but it kind of moved up the timetable, eh?
- (ALL AGREE)
506
00:19:39,159 --> 00:19:43,128
So, I am the second biggest
explosion from Halifax.
507
00:19:43,130 --> 00:19:44,262
But enough about me.
508
00:19:44,264 --> 00:19:45,697
Meet the Mounties. Guys!
509
00:19:45,699 --> 00:19:47,899
Guys, come on over here.
510
00:19:47,901 --> 00:19:51,069
This here is Sergeant Major
Roger Archambault.
511
00:19:51,071 --> 00:19:54,773
This is Staff Sergeant Major
Henri Podein,
512
00:19:54,775 --> 00:19:57,342
and Sergeant
Christophe Bellefuille.
513
00:19:57,344 --> 00:19:58,644
Total gobbledygook.
514
00:19:58,646 --> 00:20:01,547
I'm John O'Hagan.
This is Rod Farva,
515
00:20:01,549 --> 00:20:04,517
Robbie Roto, Carl Foster,
MacIntyre Womack
516
00:20:04,519 --> 00:20:06,319
and Arcot Ramathorn.
517
00:20:06,321 --> 00:20:08,288
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
518
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,754
(MOUNTIES LAUGH)
519
00:20:09,756 --> 00:20:11,155
(IN ENGLISH) I'll let
you guys chew the cud.
520
00:20:11,157 --> 00:20:12,657
Why don't we go fuck off
to the other room here?
521
00:20:12,659 --> 00:20:14,961
- Yeah, sure.
- (DOOR OPENS)
522
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:16,028
(DOOR CLOSES)
523
00:20:16,030 --> 00:20:19,334
I'm gonna get a Schlitz!
That's American for beer.
524
00:20:22,570 --> 00:20:24,669
So, you do guys
ride horses or...
525
00:20:24,671 --> 00:20:26,238
(IN CANADIAN ACCENT)
Yeah, this isn't 1957.
526
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,773
We drive Crown Victorias.
527
00:20:27,775 --> 00:20:29,607
Hey, us too.
You get a little soup in them,
528
00:20:29,609 --> 00:20:31,976
they can really rip
your knob off. Am I right?
529
00:20:31,978 --> 00:20:32,978
(SPITS)
530
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:35,080
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
We hear about you guy, heh?
531
00:20:35,082 --> 00:20:38,383
Because first, you get your
highway station shut down.
532
00:20:38,385 --> 00:20:40,051
And then, you get kick out
533
00:20:40,053 --> 00:20:42,823
from your second job
because of this, uh,
534
00:20:43,558 --> 00:20:45,357
Fred Savage thing.
535
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:46,626
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
"Savage."
536
00:20:46,628 --> 00:20:48,260
(IN NORMAL TONE) Makes it
sound intriguing, at least.
537
00:20:48,262 --> 00:20:50,229
BELLEFUILLE (IN CANADIAN ACCENT):
So, what are you going to do here?
538
00:20:50,231 --> 00:20:51,563
Go for the hat trick?
539
00:20:51,565 --> 00:20:52,897
(MOUNTIES LAUGHING)
540
00:20:52,899 --> 00:20:54,665
Well, we're actually hoping
to hold on to these jobs.
541
00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:55,768
(TROOPERS CHUCKLE)
542
00:20:55,770 --> 00:20:57,669
What are you guys
doing after the turnover?
543
00:20:57,671 --> 00:21:00,540
Oh, they're transferring us
up to Labrador City.
544
00:21:00,542 --> 00:21:01,607
- Oh!
- Cool.
545
00:21:01,609 --> 00:21:02,942
BELLEFUILLE:
It's cool, all right.
546
00:21:02,944 --> 00:21:06,444
Average winter temperature
is minus 18 degrees Celsius!
547
00:21:06,446 --> 00:21:08,079
Yeah, all you have
to do to convert
548
00:21:08,081 --> 00:21:11,517
is times two, add 32 and join
the rest of the human race.
549
00:21:11,519 --> 00:21:12,617
Hey, Rookie,
550
00:21:12,619 --> 00:21:13,985
they got non-alcoholic Molsons
over here.
551
00:21:13,987 --> 00:21:16,320
Want me to get you
a half carafe? (LAUGHS)
552
00:21:16,322 --> 00:21:19,591
Oh, we got a rookie there?
They shave your nuts yet?
553
00:21:19,593 --> 00:21:21,327
Canadian tradition says
you got to shave
554
00:21:21,329 --> 00:21:23,494
the rook's nuts,
otherwise it's bad luck.
555
00:21:23,496 --> 00:21:25,030
- You don't say?
- Bad luck?
556
00:21:25,032 --> 00:21:26,665
I'm actually not a rookie...
557
00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:28,134
Which one of you guys
has least seniority?
558
00:21:28,136 --> 00:21:30,534
- (TROOPERS MUMBLE)
- I mean, technically I...
559
00:21:30,536 --> 00:21:31,771
(CHUCKLES)
Shave this guy ball!
560
00:21:31,773 --> 00:21:33,605
Come on,
shave both of his ball.
561
00:21:33,607 --> 00:21:34,773
(MOUNTIES COAXING)
562
00:21:34,775 --> 00:21:37,210
- Shave your ball, your dick.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
563
00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:39,810
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Hello,
hello! Welcome to Canada.
564
00:21:39,812 --> 00:21:41,614
I'm Genevieve Aubois,
565
00:21:41,616 --> 00:21:44,116
Cultural Attaché
of Saint Georges du Laurent.
566
00:21:44,118 --> 00:21:46,586
I will see that
things go smoothly
567
00:21:46,588 --> 00:21:47,986
in the next few weeks.
568
00:21:47,988 --> 00:21:50,321
And please,
if you have any questions,
569
00:21:50,323 --> 00:21:51,993
don't hesitate to ask.
570
00:21:53,427 --> 00:21:54,428
(SMACKS LIPS)
571
00:21:55,928 --> 00:21:57,996
Keep heading north,
big fella.
572
00:21:57,998 --> 00:22:00,599
You don't look at the mantel when you're
poking the fire, you know what I'm saying?
573
00:22:00,601 --> 00:22:02,434
- Right, guys? You know what I'm saying, right?
- Jesus, Farva.
574
00:22:02,436 --> 00:22:03,469
(FARVA LAUGHS)
575
00:22:03,471 --> 00:22:04,703
GENEVIEVE: Okay.
576
00:22:04,705 --> 00:22:07,373
Well, they are waiting for us
in the other room.
577
00:22:07,375 --> 00:22:09,742
So, please, suivez-moi.
578
00:22:09,744 --> 00:22:11,413
Who is waiting where?
579
00:22:13,580 --> 00:22:14,946
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
580
00:22:14,948 --> 00:22:17,284
(MARCHING DRUMS PLAYING)
581
00:22:22,990 --> 00:22:25,760
Boy, I didn't know the whole
town was gonna be here.
582
00:22:30,764 --> 00:22:32,231
(MIC FEEDBACK)
583
00:22:32,233 --> 00:22:33,734
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
584
00:22:39,873 --> 00:22:41,107
- (CHUCKLES)
- Oh.
585
00:22:41,109 --> 00:22:42,074
(ALL LAUGHING)
586
00:22:42,076 --> 00:22:43,542
It's about my
mustache, right?
587
00:22:43,544 --> 00:22:44,844
They're laughing
at my mustache?
588
00:22:44,846 --> 00:22:47,745
Please, let's give a big
Canadian welcome
589
00:22:47,747 --> 00:22:50,549
to the Vermont Highway Patrol.
590
00:22:50,551 --> 00:22:52,850
(CROWD BOOING)
591
00:22:52,852 --> 00:22:54,185
GUY:
Hey, hey, everyone!
592
00:22:54,187 --> 00:22:55,454
Come on, guys.
They've come up here
593
00:22:55,456 --> 00:22:56,521
to tell us how great
it's gonna be
594
00:22:56,523 --> 00:22:57,822
for all of us
to become Americans.
595
00:22:57,824 --> 00:22:59,960
So, let them speak. Captain?
596
00:23:00,695 --> 00:23:02,694
Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
597
00:23:02,696 --> 00:23:05,164
- Bonsoir.
- (MIC FEEDBACK)
598
00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:08,901
You know, this reminds me
of the story of the rabbi,
599
00:23:08,903 --> 00:23:12,003
the priest,
and the Hindu in a canoe.
600
00:23:12,005 --> 00:23:13,571
WOMAN: Go blow yourself!
601
00:23:13,573 --> 00:23:14,839
(LAUGHTER)
602
00:23:14,841 --> 00:23:16,674
I'm Captain John O'Hagan. I...
603
00:23:16,676 --> 00:23:19,044
Yeah, eat it, you old donkey!
604
00:23:19,046 --> 00:23:20,011
(LAUGHTER)
605
00:23:20,013 --> 00:23:22,414
Hey, easy.
Hey, look, look.
606
00:23:22,416 --> 00:23:24,649
Technically,
we're all Americans, right?
607
00:23:24,651 --> 00:23:26,217
North Americans.
608
00:23:26,219 --> 00:23:28,754
Very little is gonna change
around here.
609
00:23:28,756 --> 00:23:29,988
Oh, yeah, right!
You're probably gonna tell us
610
00:23:29,990 --> 00:23:31,423
we can't listen
to Rush anymore!
611
00:23:31,425 --> 00:23:32,857
Or the Barenaked Ladies!
612
00:23:32,859 --> 00:23:35,360
- (ANGRY CHATTER)
- Hey. Hey. Hey!
613
00:23:35,362 --> 00:23:36,662
People, people.
614
00:23:36,664 --> 00:23:38,597
I love Rush
and the Barenaked Ladies.
615
00:23:38,599 --> 00:23:39,798
You should listen to both.
616
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,767
So, you are telling us
who to listen to!
617
00:23:41,769 --> 00:23:42,901
No, no. I'm just...
618
00:23:42,903 --> 00:23:43,969
And then that one's
gonna tell us
619
00:23:43,971 --> 00:23:45,404
we have to start
eating tortillas!
620
00:23:45,406 --> 00:23:47,775
- FOSTER: It's a common mistake.
- MAN 1: Bullshit!
621
00:23:48,376 --> 00:23:49,642
Hey! Listen up.
622
00:23:49,644 --> 00:23:51,743
This is America now.
Like it or lump it!
623
00:23:51,745 --> 00:23:53,212
Repeat after me:
624
00:23:53,214 --> 00:23:56,581
I pledge of allegiance
to the flag
625
00:23:56,583 --> 00:23:59,119
of the United States
of America.
626
00:23:59,654 --> 00:24:00,919
Learn the words!
627
00:24:00,921 --> 00:24:02,453
Learn the words!
628
00:24:02,455 --> 00:24:03,457
Fuck you!
629
00:24:04,458 --> 00:24:06,360
- (GROANS)
- (CROWD CLAMORING)
630
00:24:07,962 --> 00:24:10,031
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
631
00:24:11,064 --> 00:24:12,830
MAN 2: You don't even know
how to play hockey!
632
00:24:12,832 --> 00:24:15,367
(CLAMORING CONTINUES)
633
00:24:15,369 --> 00:24:17,802
I didn't think they'd see us
as an occupying force.
634
00:24:17,804 --> 00:24:19,370
Oh, my God!
Your eye.
635
00:24:19,372 --> 00:24:20,739
That might leave a scar.
636
00:24:20,741 --> 00:24:21,874
I was looking
too pretty anyway.
637
00:24:21,876 --> 00:24:23,040
(CHUCKLES)
638
00:24:23,042 --> 00:24:24,809
I can sew you up at my car.
639
00:24:24,811 --> 00:24:25,976
You're a doctor?
640
00:24:25,978 --> 00:24:28,078
No, no. I coach
the girls' hockey team,
641
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,251
so I know my way
around a gash.
642
00:24:30,885 --> 00:24:32,017
Are you making a...
643
00:24:32,019 --> 00:24:35,721
Oui . A double entendre
for la vagine.
644
00:24:35,723 --> 00:24:37,322
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
645
00:24:37,324 --> 00:24:39,424
Let's go, quickly!
646
00:24:39,426 --> 00:24:41,760
THORNY: I thought Canadians
are supposed to be harmless.
647
00:24:41,762 --> 00:24:43,529
Oh, come on.
Cut them some slack.
648
00:24:43,531 --> 00:24:45,396
They're upset
about losing their identities.
649
00:24:45,398 --> 00:24:48,399
They called you an old donkey.
Doesn't that piss you off?
650
00:24:48,401 --> 00:24:49,768
Well, I don't love it.
651
00:24:49,770 --> 00:24:52,136
Actually, I didn't sleep
at all last night.
652
00:24:52,138 --> 00:24:53,438
But we got a job to do.
653
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,840
- Rabbit, how's your head?
- It's okay.
654
00:24:55,842 --> 00:25:00,213
That, uh... Genevieve,
she, uh, patched me up.
655
00:25:00,215 --> 00:25:02,313
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
656
00:25:02,315 --> 00:25:03,281
Oh, please!
657
00:25:03,283 --> 00:25:05,917
Frenchy had her eyes
on my thighs all night long.
658
00:25:05,919 --> 00:25:07,051
- Yeah.
- Did she, now?
659
00:25:07,053 --> 00:25:08,287
FARVA: Oh, yeah?
Keep laughing.
660
00:25:08,289 --> 00:25:10,588
I bet you a buck I bang
the crêpe out of her first.
661
00:25:10,590 --> 00:25:11,757
- (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
- Okay.
662
00:25:11,759 --> 00:25:12,992
Put your money
where your mouth's been.
663
00:25:12,994 --> 00:25:15,728
Fuck the buck.
Loser sits on a cactus.
664
00:25:15,730 --> 00:25:17,928
No, loser gets a perm.
665
00:25:17,930 --> 00:25:20,866
No, loser cuts his
pinky-toe off with a shovel.
666
00:25:20,868 --> 00:25:22,467
Take that bet.
667
00:25:22,469 --> 00:25:24,470
- I suggest you take the bet, Rabbit. Really, honestly.
- Jump on it.
668
00:25:24,472 --> 00:25:25,671
Please shut up, Farva.
669
00:25:25,673 --> 00:25:27,138
Okay. We have a deal.
670
00:25:27,140 --> 00:25:28,607
You heard it, right?
We have a deal.
671
00:25:28,609 --> 00:25:31,277
Oh, so, this is where they
keep the illegal aliens, huh?
672
00:25:31,279 --> 00:25:33,278
- (BELLEFUILLE CHUCKLES)
- Ah, welcome, Officers!
673
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:34,914
Welcome to the guys
who stood around
674
00:25:34,916 --> 00:25:36,580
while people threw
hockey pucks at us?
675
00:25:36,582 --> 00:25:37,715
You gonna
come up here talking
676
00:25:37,717 --> 00:25:39,284
all that
"Make America Great" crap,
677
00:25:39,286 --> 00:25:42,120
you're bound to catch a face
full of Canadian tomato.
678
00:25:42,122 --> 00:25:43,489
O'HAGAN: Okay, okay.
Listen up.
679
00:25:43,491 --> 00:25:45,457
Two of you are gonna ride
with the Mounties.
680
00:25:45,459 --> 00:25:47,291
They'll show you where
the bodies are buried.
681
00:25:47,293 --> 00:25:49,294
- BOTH: Not it.
- Actually, it is you two.
682
00:25:49,296 --> 00:25:50,361
(CHUCKLES)
683
00:25:50,363 --> 00:25:52,364
It's not our idea
of a good time either, fellas.
684
00:25:52,366 --> 00:25:54,903
Personally, I'd rather
fuck a moose.
685
00:25:55,802 --> 00:25:57,502
You would need a ladder
to do that.
686
00:25:57,504 --> 00:26:00,905
Obviously, I would need
a ladder to fuck a moose.
687
00:26:00,907 --> 00:26:03,876
But I would find one,
and I would fuck that moose.
688
00:26:03,878 --> 00:26:05,043
O'HAGAN:
Okay!
689
00:26:05,045 --> 00:26:07,546
Thorny, Rabbit,
I got a highway job for you.
690
00:26:07,548 --> 00:26:08,549
Let's do it!
691
00:26:12,919 --> 00:26:14,618
FARVA:
Hey, Cap? Cap?
692
00:26:14,620 --> 00:26:15,921
Whose car do I ride in?
693
00:26:15,923 --> 00:26:17,990
Why don't you
stay here with me?
694
00:26:17,992 --> 00:26:19,590
Sit over here.
695
00:26:19,592 --> 00:26:20,961
That's the radio, though.
696
00:26:21,361 --> 00:26:22,328
Great idea!
697
00:26:22,330 --> 00:26:25,763
That way, if a call comes in,
you can answer it.
698
00:26:25,765 --> 00:26:27,031
Huh?
699
00:26:27,033 --> 00:26:28,434
(O'HAGAN VOCALIZING)
700
00:26:28,436 --> 00:26:31,002
Okay, just today, though,
okay?
701
00:26:31,004 --> 00:26:33,308
Everyone takes a turn.
It's a new station.
702
00:26:34,541 --> 00:26:35,607
(SIGHS)
703
00:26:35,609 --> 00:26:36,677
Fuckin' radio.
704
00:26:39,146 --> 00:26:40,548
What the fuck is this shit?
705
00:26:42,082 --> 00:26:43,682
I mean, it's not gonna
kill him, is it?
706
00:26:43,684 --> 00:26:46,020
I don't know. Do you
want it to kill him?
707
00:26:47,655 --> 00:26:48,753
BELLEFUILLE:
Allons-y!
708
00:26:48,755 --> 00:26:50,356
- (HORN HONKS)
- (SHOUTS IN FRENCH)
709
00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:51,624
Just a minute!
710
00:26:51,626 --> 00:26:52,992
Just a, uh...
711
00:26:52,994 --> 00:26:54,926
What's Canadian
for "minute"?
712
00:26:54,928 --> 00:26:56,563
(MUMBLES MOCKINGLY)
713
00:26:59,734 --> 00:27:00,933
Ah.
714
00:27:00,935 --> 00:27:02,470
There they are. Okay.
715
00:27:04,171 --> 00:27:05,205
Hm.
716
00:27:06,773 --> 00:27:08,141
(GULPING)
717
00:27:11,111 --> 00:27:13,811
Are you swallowing
M&M's whole?
718
00:27:13,813 --> 00:27:16,450
Yeah. The green ones
make me horny.
719
00:27:18,685 --> 00:27:20,251
Why don't you chew them first?
720
00:27:20,253 --> 00:27:23,023
(SCOFFS) They all go
to the same place, right?
721
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,292
(SIGHS)
722
00:27:28,294 --> 00:27:29,961
FOSTER: (ON RADIO) Hey, Farva,
can I get a radio check?
723
00:27:29,963 --> 00:27:31,663
- (CRACKLING)
- (YELPS)
724
00:27:31,665 --> 00:27:32,667
(GROANS)
725
00:27:34,734 --> 00:27:36,769
(BOTH LAUGHING)
726
00:27:36,771 --> 00:27:38,404
Why did you shock
your buddy, buddy?
727
00:27:38,406 --> 00:27:39,738
(LAUGHING)
728
00:27:39,740 --> 00:27:43,841
You know, every job has that
one guy that you love to hate.
729
00:27:43,843 --> 00:27:45,543
Yeah, obnoxious. Oafish.
730
00:27:45,545 --> 00:27:48,047
Oh, yeah, you mean like
your typical American?
731
00:27:48,049 --> 00:27:49,417
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
732
00:27:52,218 --> 00:27:53,653
Still waiting
on that radio check.
733
00:27:57,992 --> 00:27:59,726
- (CRACKLING)
- (SCREAMS)
734
00:28:01,161 --> 00:28:02,629
FARVA:
Fuckin' shit!
735
00:28:03,362 --> 00:28:04,930
This is an awesome assignment.
736
00:28:04,932 --> 00:28:07,532
Oh, come on, it's great.
Outside. On duty.
737
00:28:07,534 --> 00:28:11,302
Hey, what's 80 kilometers
per hour in English?
738
00:28:11,304 --> 00:28:15,007
I guess
49.7097 miles per hour.
739
00:28:15,009 --> 00:28:16,974
Uh, I don't think
we have any decimals.
740
00:28:16,976 --> 00:28:19,145
- Do you have a Sharpie?
- Uh, no.
741
00:28:19,147 --> 00:28:21,914
FARVA: Unit 23. Come in, 23.
Unit 23. Come in, 23.
742
00:28:21,916 --> 00:28:24,915
Radio, until the turnover,
we have to keep things metric.
743
00:28:24,917 --> 00:28:29,553
So we are now Unit 37.015.
Try again.
744
00:28:29,555 --> 00:28:30,489
Whatever.
745
00:28:30,491 --> 00:28:33,992
I got a call out
on Rue de Autoroute 77
746
00:28:33,994 --> 00:28:35,726
or some
Frère Jacques bullshit.
747
00:28:35,728 --> 00:28:38,129
There's a gaggle of dead
Canadian Geese on the road.
748
00:28:38,131 --> 00:28:40,232
Yeah, up here, they just
call them geese, Radio.
749
00:28:40,234 --> 00:28:42,334
Yeah, well, in two weeks,
I call them American Geese.
750
00:28:42,336 --> 00:28:44,135
Honk, honk. Go clean them off.
751
00:28:44,137 --> 00:28:47,841
That's a big 16.09-6436,
good buddy.
752
00:28:50,278 --> 00:28:52,309
Ah, ya,
there's the Pancake Shed.
753
00:28:52,311 --> 00:28:54,279
And that's the Flapjack's.
754
00:28:54,281 --> 00:28:55,446
Oh, there on the right,
755
00:28:55,448 --> 00:28:57,549
that's Gigi's Bait,
Tackle and Pancakes.
756
00:28:57,551 --> 00:29:00,152
- But they're really known more for their waffles.
- Yeah, they are.
757
00:29:00,154 --> 00:29:02,453
Sounds like the Queen
must really love pancakes.
758
00:29:02,455 --> 00:29:03,989
What's that supposed to mean?
759
00:29:03,991 --> 00:29:06,325
FOSTER: Aren't you guys still
ruled by the Queen of England?
760
00:29:06,327 --> 00:29:07,392
I mean, she's
all over your money.
761
00:29:07,394 --> 00:29:08,460
BELLEFUILLE:
I'll have you know that
762
00:29:08,462 --> 00:29:11,262
we achieved
our independence in 1982.
763
00:29:11,264 --> 00:29:12,530
- Ooh!
- Oh!
764
00:29:12,532 --> 00:29:14,165
- MAC: 1982.
- (FOSTER CHUCKLES)
765
00:29:14,167 --> 00:29:16,635
- Did Wham! perform at the ceremony?
- (LAUGHS)
766
00:29:16,637 --> 00:29:18,570
Maybe if we had
our independence sooner,
767
00:29:18,572 --> 00:29:20,538
we'd have no gun control,
not believe in evolution
768
00:29:20,540 --> 00:29:23,644
and all be morbidly obese
without healthcare.
769
00:29:25,312 --> 00:29:27,412
BELLEFUILLE: Why don't you
pull in right up here?
770
00:29:27,414 --> 00:29:29,817
Time for you to meet
the local business owners.
771
00:29:48,569 --> 00:29:49,867
Escorts?
772
00:29:49,869 --> 00:29:51,203
BELLEFUILLE:
Here we are, boys.
773
00:29:51,205 --> 00:29:52,971
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
774
00:29:52,973 --> 00:29:54,175
(GREETS IN FRENCH)
775
00:29:57,577 --> 00:29:59,444
Are we here
to bust up a cat-house?
776
00:29:59,446 --> 00:30:01,780
PODEIN: You can't arrest
people for having boners.
777
00:30:01,782 --> 00:30:03,214
It's legal up here, Yank.
778
00:30:03,216 --> 00:30:05,416
A hockey-themed,
dual-sex bordello.
779
00:30:05,418 --> 00:30:07,051
Do we have that in the U.S.?
780
00:30:07,053 --> 00:30:08,653
I don't know,
but put me in, Coach.
781
00:30:08,655 --> 00:30:10,488
Oh, oh! Look who it is!
It's the fuzz.
782
00:30:10,490 --> 00:30:12,223
The Mayor hangs out
in a bordello?
783
00:30:12,225 --> 00:30:14,858
No, the Mayor
own the bordello.
784
00:30:14,860 --> 00:30:15,793
Here you go, boys.
785
00:30:15,795 --> 00:30:17,861
How about a beer and a tug?
On the house.
786
00:30:17,863 --> 00:30:19,598
- Hey!
- Oh, uh...
787
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:20,566
Uh, maybe later.
788
00:30:20,568 --> 00:30:23,335
Oh, I understand.
Scram, girls.
789
00:30:23,337 --> 00:30:25,936
- How's it going, eh?
- Yeah, no, no. Maybe later.
790
00:30:25,938 --> 00:30:27,138
You guys!
791
00:30:27,140 --> 00:30:28,540
You don't like women,
you don't like men.
792
00:30:28,542 --> 00:30:30,509
I mean, what should I get, a
river beaver to pleasure you?
793
00:30:30,511 --> 00:30:33,311
It's a joke. Their teeth are so
sharp, it would be horrible.
794
00:30:33,313 --> 00:30:34,547
How can I help you fellas?
795
00:30:34,549 --> 00:30:36,615
Oh, the Yanks want to talk
about their U.S. laws.
796
00:30:36,617 --> 00:30:38,849
You know,
like serving weaker beer
797
00:30:38,851 --> 00:30:40,786
and shutting down brothels.
798
00:30:40,788 --> 00:30:42,220
Shutting down
brothels?
799
00:30:42,222 --> 00:30:43,355
Who put you up to this?
800
00:30:43,357 --> 00:30:45,522
Was it Jean-Paul
down at Chez Poontang?
801
00:30:45,524 --> 00:30:47,059
Huh?
You guys pulling my chain?
802
00:30:47,061 --> 00:30:48,126
Look, I don't think
this is anything
803
00:30:48,128 --> 00:30:49,560
we need to get
too hung up on right now.
804
00:30:49,562 --> 00:30:50,928
I can't believe
down in the States,
805
00:30:50,930 --> 00:30:52,830
it's illegal to have a beer
and enjoy tits and a dick.
806
00:30:52,832 --> 00:30:55,200
I mean, beep beep!
807
00:30:55,202 --> 00:30:56,902
- There's no harm there.
- Oh. Uh...
808
00:30:56,904 --> 00:30:58,904
(IMITATING PUNCHING BAG)
809
00:30:58,906 --> 00:31:00,672
- Good workout, eh?
- Wow.
810
00:31:00,674 --> 00:31:03,474
Honestly, Guy, we're not
here to lay down any laws.
811
00:31:03,476 --> 00:31:05,643
We're very sorry if there's
been a misunderstanding.
812
00:31:05,645 --> 00:31:08,512
- "We're sahrry?" "Sahrry."
- (LAUGHTER)
813
00:31:08,514 --> 00:31:10,181
(CROWD MIMICS MAC MOCKINGLY)
814
00:31:10,183 --> 00:31:12,253
I'm sorry,
but that sounds stupid.
815
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:15,386
- So sahrry.
- Sahrry.
816
00:31:15,388 --> 00:31:17,289
It's funny. I know.
817
00:31:17,291 --> 00:31:20,158
And what exactly
is your beef with our beer?
818
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:21,658
Oh, I don't have
any problem with the beer.
819
00:31:21,660 --> 00:31:23,561
I mean, I think the limit in the U.S.
is what, nine percent?
820
00:31:23,563 --> 00:31:26,063
Nine percent? How are you
supposed to get drunk?
821
00:31:26,065 --> 00:31:27,432
I mean, you know,
822
00:31:27,434 --> 00:31:29,033
I think the idea is you drink
more of the weaker stuff.
823
00:31:29,035 --> 00:31:30,202
I bet it is.
824
00:31:30,204 --> 00:31:31,703
You Americans drinking
and eating everything.
825
00:31:31,705 --> 00:31:34,205
- Oh, no, you shouldn't.
- (BLOWS RASPBERRY) So fat.
826
00:31:34,207 --> 00:31:35,773
How about a little help
over here, huh?
827
00:31:35,775 --> 00:31:38,010
Yeah, I don't think we have
jurisdiction here anymore, buddy.
828
00:31:38,012 --> 00:31:39,478
Okay, all right.
829
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:41,279
It's not like we're here to
"screw you" out of your rights.
830
00:31:41,281 --> 00:31:42,848
Darn tootin' you're not.
831
00:31:42,850 --> 00:31:43,949
Okay, look, relax.
832
00:31:43,951 --> 00:31:45,216
Go away, you American pigs!
833
00:31:45,218 --> 00:31:47,453
(CROWD SHOUTING ANGRILY)
834
00:31:47,455 --> 00:31:48,953
- WOMAN: Go home!
- Oh!
835
00:31:48,955 --> 00:31:50,155
Take it easy.
836
00:31:50,157 --> 00:31:51,826
Fight, fight, fight, fight!
837
00:31:53,327 --> 00:31:54,926
Sorry about that.
It was an accident.
838
00:31:54,928 --> 00:31:57,061
(GRUNTING)
839
00:31:57,063 --> 00:31:59,266
♪ Round and round ♪
840
00:32:00,466 --> 00:32:01,668
MAN:
Get out of here!
841
00:32:03,270 --> 00:32:05,306
- (GRUNTING)
- (CROWD EXCLAIMING)
842
00:32:06,139 --> 00:32:07,340
Get the fuck off me.
843
00:32:08,641 --> 00:32:10,543
Fuck you, motherfuckers.
Fuck you!
844
00:32:11,911 --> 00:32:13,413
(CROWD CHEERING)
845
00:32:14,581 --> 00:32:16,947
- DRIVER: Vermont sucks, eh!
- RABBIT: Thank you.
846
00:32:16,949 --> 00:32:18,317
See you later, sunshine!
847
00:32:19,349 --> 00:32:20,985
- BOTH: Stupid Americans!
- RABBIT: Cheerio!
848
00:32:20,987 --> 00:32:23,954
Okay, this job isn't as fun
as I thought it was.
849
00:32:23,956 --> 00:32:25,056
Arrogant American!
850
00:32:25,058 --> 00:32:27,325
The whole world's metric.
What's your problem, eh?
851
00:32:27,327 --> 00:32:28,626
Just doing our job, sir.
852
00:32:28,628 --> 00:32:30,395
You're 185 centimeters tall,
853
00:32:30,397 --> 00:32:32,532
you weigh 92 kilogram.
Get used to it!
854
00:32:33,567 --> 00:32:34,532
Okay.
855
00:32:34,534 --> 00:32:37,368
Your authority don't mean
cheese up here.
856
00:32:37,370 --> 00:32:39,838
I can't tell if he's
calling me skinny or fat.
857
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:41,072
FOSTER: (ON RADIO)
Officers requesting assistance
858
00:32:41,074 --> 00:32:43,041
at the L'Explosion Bordello
on Route Four.
859
00:32:43,043 --> 00:32:45,242
We are under assault
by hookers.
860
00:32:45,244 --> 00:32:46,543
Lots of them. Male and female.
861
00:32:46,545 --> 00:32:48,480
Copy, 91.
We'll be right there.
862
00:32:48,482 --> 00:32:50,482
Just as soon as we
finish taking selfies
863
00:32:50,484 --> 00:32:52,649
with the Victoria's Secret
Blow Job Team.
864
00:32:52,651 --> 00:32:55,154
I'm not kidding, Thorny!
There's too many of them.
865
00:32:55,156 --> 00:32:56,553
Will you get your dick
out of my face!
866
00:32:56,555 --> 00:32:58,322
I just... I got glitter!
867
00:32:58,324 --> 00:33:00,125
Glittering and...
Glittering and...
868
00:33:00,127 --> 00:33:02,292
I love it.
It's like we never left.
869
00:33:02,294 --> 00:33:04,328
(TIRES SCREECHING)
870
00:33:04,330 --> 00:33:07,398
What the hell?
Remote driver?
871
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:08,601
Ghost car?
872
00:33:17,343 --> 00:33:19,310
We drilled that sign!
873
00:33:19,312 --> 00:33:20,513
They're kids.
874
00:33:21,115 --> 00:33:22,313
Give me those keys.
875
00:33:22,315 --> 00:33:24,449
Ow! No biting,
you little shitsky!
876
00:33:24,451 --> 00:33:25,517
What's your name, kid?
877
00:33:25,519 --> 00:33:26,918
Stranger danger!
Stranger danger!
878
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:28,119
Where did you get the car?
879
00:33:28,121 --> 00:33:29,689
- Suck it, cop!
- (GROANING)
880
00:33:33,426 --> 00:33:35,026
Holy Christmas.
881
00:33:35,028 --> 00:33:36,494
Oh, my God.
882
00:33:36,496 --> 00:33:38,329
They're all hopped up
on goofballs.
883
00:33:38,331 --> 00:33:40,533
You can't catch me!
(YELLING)
884
00:33:41,334 --> 00:33:43,100
I'm gonna get my
bean bag gun!
885
00:33:43,102 --> 00:33:44,168
Show me where you got these
886
00:33:44,170 --> 00:33:45,337
and I'll let you
play with my Taser.
887
00:33:45,339 --> 00:33:46,573
Ooh! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
888
00:33:49,309 --> 00:33:50,508
THORNY:
We gotta be careful.
889
00:33:50,510 --> 00:33:53,147
This is the kind of image
that could go viral.
890
00:33:54,246 --> 00:33:55,413
There!
891
00:33:55,415 --> 00:33:57,385
(KIDS GRUNTING)
892
00:33:59,453 --> 00:34:01,422
All right. Whoa,
whoa, whoa, boys.
893
00:34:02,188 --> 00:34:03,421
(KIDS YELLING)
894
00:34:03,423 --> 00:34:05,092
Stay! Stay.
895
00:34:24,578 --> 00:34:27,011
- What's up, Soapy?
- (WHISTLES)
896
00:34:27,013 --> 00:34:28,014
More pills?
897
00:34:30,284 --> 00:34:31,852
Did Apple change their logo?
898
00:34:33,185 --> 00:34:34,554
THORNY:
What have we here?
899
00:34:35,455 --> 00:34:37,355
(SNIFFS)
Cubans.
900
00:34:37,357 --> 00:34:39,123
Must make you feel
right at home.
901
00:34:39,125 --> 00:34:40,590
Good one.
902
00:34:40,592 --> 00:34:42,092
KID:
Pills, pills, pills!
903
00:34:42,094 --> 00:34:43,161
THORNY:
Oh, boy.
904
00:34:43,163 --> 00:34:44,799
(KIDS SCREAMING)
905
00:34:46,799 --> 00:34:49,134
Viva la revolución, baby!
906
00:34:49,136 --> 00:34:50,434
- Ay, ay, ay!
- FARVA: Ugh.
907
00:34:50,436 --> 00:34:51,936
You ever hear
of the Cuban Embargo?
908
00:34:51,938 --> 00:34:53,605
That embargo
is yesterday's news.
909
00:34:53,607 --> 00:34:54,873
Not for me it isn't.
910
00:34:54,875 --> 00:34:57,545
That's like sucking
Castro's cold wrinkled dick.
911
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:00,712
Cuban cigars,
912
00:35:00,714 --> 00:35:02,713
counterfeit iPhones
and unmarked pills.
913
00:35:02,715 --> 00:35:03,949
We got something here.
914
00:35:03,951 --> 00:35:06,884
You boys stumbled
on quite a booty closet.
915
00:35:06,886 --> 00:35:08,018
A what now?
916
00:35:08,020 --> 00:35:09,788
Booty. Contraband.
917
00:35:09,790 --> 00:35:11,723
What? They don't say
"booty" anymore?
918
00:35:11,725 --> 00:35:13,726
- Not really, no.
- Nah.
919
00:35:14,527 --> 00:35:15,659
Canadian counterfeit iPhones?
920
00:35:15,661 --> 00:35:17,994
We should call them
"A"-Phones, eh? Right?
921
00:35:17,996 --> 00:35:19,899
(DIALING)
922
00:35:21,067 --> 00:35:22,166
(LINE RINGING)
923
00:35:22,168 --> 00:35:24,569
(CELL PHONES RINGING)
924
00:35:24,571 --> 00:35:27,005
They all have the same number?
That's a rip-off.
925
00:35:27,007 --> 00:35:29,273
So, what pills do we have?
926
00:35:29,275 --> 00:35:30,541
Not sure.
927
00:35:30,543 --> 00:35:32,978
Five different kinds.
None of them have markings.
928
00:35:32,980 --> 00:35:34,145
Send them to the lab.
929
00:35:34,147 --> 00:35:36,280
I tried! The U.S. lab said
send them to the Canadian lab.
930
00:35:36,282 --> 00:35:37,382
The Canadian lab said,
931
00:35:37,384 --> 00:35:38,516
(IN CANADIAN ACCENT)
"Oh, ya, hey there.
932
00:35:38,518 --> 00:35:39,550
"Send 'em over
to the U.S. lab there."
933
00:35:39,552 --> 00:35:40,918
Maybe the Mounties
have some pull?
934
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:42,554
- Boo!
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
935
00:35:42,556 --> 00:35:43,621
Fuck the Mounties!
936
00:35:43,623 --> 00:35:44,889
- Fuckin' Canada.
- Fuck that.
937
00:35:44,891 --> 00:35:46,690
For all we know,
this was the Mounties.
938
00:35:46,692 --> 00:35:48,692
Easy on the local cop
conspiracies.
939
00:35:48,694 --> 00:35:50,895
We'll solve
this case ourselves.
940
00:35:50,897 --> 00:35:52,496
I'll put a call
out to Montpelier,
941
00:35:52,498 --> 00:35:55,233
see if they can
line up a lab for us.
942
00:35:55,235 --> 00:35:57,469
Wah, wah!
I don't need some nerd
943
00:35:57,471 --> 00:35:59,139
in a lab coat
to tell me what this shit is.
944
00:36:00,641 --> 00:36:02,639
(EXCLAIMS, CRUNCHING)
945
00:36:02,641 --> 00:36:04,608
Sometimes even
I've gotta hand it to you,
946
00:36:04,610 --> 00:36:05,909
you weird son of a bitch.
947
00:36:05,911 --> 00:36:07,612
But why is it that
you chew a pill
948
00:36:07,614 --> 00:36:09,514
yet you swallow M&M's whole?
949
00:36:09,516 --> 00:36:11,884
I'm a complicated guy, Mac.
(CHEWS GUM)
950
00:36:11,886 --> 00:36:13,253
Okay. All right.
951
00:36:14,587 --> 00:36:16,454
See you boys
in the Renaissance Period.
952
00:36:16,456 --> 00:36:17,521
Huzzah!
953
00:36:17,523 --> 00:36:19,092
(ALL GULPING)
954
00:36:21,226 --> 00:36:23,029
(MOANING)
955
00:36:23,864 --> 00:36:25,931
(DRAWLING)
Can't move.
956
00:36:25,933 --> 00:36:27,666
My mouth's dry.
957
00:36:27,668 --> 00:36:29,199
What do you think,
like a heavy barbiturate?
958
00:36:29,201 --> 00:36:30,367
Maybe a muscle relaxant?
959
00:36:30,369 --> 00:36:31,802
You really can't move?
960
00:36:31,804 --> 00:36:34,771
I'm numb. I'm totally numb.
961
00:36:34,773 --> 00:36:36,310
- (SMACKS LIPS)
- MAC: Okay.
962
00:36:37,177 --> 00:36:38,543
What are you doing?
963
00:36:38,545 --> 00:36:39,643
- (GROANS)
- Oh!
964
00:36:39,645 --> 00:36:41,779
Fuck you, Mac.
I need medical attention.
965
00:36:41,781 --> 00:36:44,248
Side effects may include
fatness and irritability.
966
00:36:44,250 --> 00:36:46,019
I think it's a mood enhancer.
967
00:36:47,487 --> 00:36:48,853
(GROANS)
God damn it.
968
00:36:48,855 --> 00:36:51,255
- I know I'm in a better mood.
- (ALL LAUGH)
969
00:36:51,257 --> 00:36:52,322
Do we have
any more fly strips?
970
00:36:52,324 --> 00:36:53,824
I want to make him a headband.
971
00:36:53,826 --> 00:36:55,226
FOSTER: ♪ Three little
maids from school are we ♪
972
00:36:55,228 --> 00:36:57,462
♪ Pert as a school-girl
well should be ♪
973
00:36:57,464 --> 00:36:58,695
♪ Filled to the brim
with girlish glee ♪
974
00:36:58,697 --> 00:36:59,998
♪ Three little maids
from school ♪
975
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,532
- That's gotta be speed, right?
- Absolutely.
976
00:37:02,534 --> 00:37:04,969
Wow. You seem kinda wired.
977
00:37:04,971 --> 00:37:06,938
I'm just psyched
to be back on the job!
978
00:37:06,940 --> 00:37:08,672
URSULA: Yeah, okay, well,
I knew you would be.
979
00:37:08,674 --> 00:37:09,741
Ooh, did I tell ya the oth...
980
00:37:09,743 --> 00:37:10,942
Oh, yeah, I got,
I got a triangulator.
981
00:37:10,944 --> 00:37:12,944
Why would you
need a triangulator?
982
00:37:12,946 --> 00:37:14,045
Why does everyone
keep saying that?
983
00:37:14,047 --> 00:37:15,880
- To triangulate, baby!
- (CHUCKLES)
984
00:37:15,882 --> 00:37:17,181
Hey, how come we never
go dancing anymore?
985
00:37:17,183 --> 00:37:20,117
When I get home, we're
gonna go fuckin' dancing.
986
00:37:20,119 --> 00:37:21,184
Okay. I can't wait.
987
00:37:21,186 --> 00:37:22,054
(HUFFING)
988
00:37:22,056 --> 00:37:24,489
FARVA: Rabbit, get
me some lemonade.
989
00:37:24,491 --> 00:37:26,991
Rabbit. Get me
some lemonade, please.
990
00:37:26,993 --> 00:37:27,958
(GRUNTING)
991
00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:30,494
Get me some
goddamn lemonade, rookie!
992
00:37:30,496 --> 00:37:32,764
Don't you call me rookie,
you fucker!
993
00:37:32,766 --> 00:37:35,032
I will fucking put my fist
right through your head!
994
00:37:35,034 --> 00:37:36,735
- I'm thinkin' 'roids.
- Absolutely.
995
00:37:36,737 --> 00:37:38,436
How about you?
You feel anything?
996
00:37:38,438 --> 00:37:41,105
Wet mouth. Sweaty palms.
997
00:37:41,107 --> 00:37:45,842
Moist ear canals. And I'm
just feeling emotional.
998
00:37:45,844 --> 00:37:47,614
- Hm. Okay.
- (TYPING)
999
00:37:51,150 --> 00:37:53,117
I think you took
a Canadian female
1000
00:37:53,119 --> 00:37:56,920
sexual enhancement drug
called Flova Scotia.
1001
00:37:56,922 --> 00:37:59,422
"Made in Canada,
but banned in the U.S."
1002
00:37:59,424 --> 00:38:01,361
(MUSIC PLAYING ON LAPTOP)
1003
00:38:03,864 --> 00:38:05,529
FEMALE NARRATOR:
When the time is right,
1004
00:38:05,531 --> 00:38:06,866
but you're not.
1005
00:38:07,634 --> 00:38:09,867
Flova Scotia, eh?
1006
00:38:09,869 --> 00:38:11,168
Side effects may include
1007
00:38:11,170 --> 00:38:13,237
wet mouth, sweaty palms,
damp ears, moist groin,
1008
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:16,875
varicose breasts, hair loss,
queefing, and bitchiness.
1009
00:38:16,877 --> 00:38:18,976
Flova Scotia, eh?
1010
00:38:18,978 --> 00:38:21,346
You can say "queefing"
on Canadian TV?
1011
00:38:21,348 --> 00:38:22,746
Ha! What a country!
1012
00:38:22,748 --> 00:38:24,514
What about you?
You're awful smiley.
1013
00:38:24,516 --> 00:38:25,717
I'm on acid.
1014
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:27,953
Pharmaceutical acid?
Is there such a thing?
1015
00:38:27,955 --> 00:38:30,020
Don't know. But I do know
you have exactly
1016
00:38:30,022 --> 00:38:32,257
1,509 hairs in your mustache.
1017
00:38:32,259 --> 00:38:35,927
Close! 1,521. I had them
counted for my birthday.
1018
00:38:35,929 --> 00:38:37,762
- Really?
- Yeah.
1019
00:38:37,764 --> 00:38:39,398
- Really?
- Yeah!
1020
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:41,699
(LAUGHS) I don't know
what to believe, Thorn!
1021
00:38:41,701 --> 00:38:43,601
- Okay.
- FARVA: Don't you do that.
1022
00:38:43,603 --> 00:38:45,069
I'm really looking
forward to this.
1023
00:38:45,071 --> 00:38:46,072
Well?
1024
00:38:47,005 --> 00:38:48,172
You guys come up
with anything?
1025
00:38:48,174 --> 00:38:50,775
Indeed we have some
very interesting leads.
1026
00:38:50,777 --> 00:38:52,175
Some of them
from that computer!
1027
00:38:52,177 --> 00:38:54,712
I think that we are
on top of this case.
1028
00:38:54,714 --> 00:38:56,246
RABBIT: We're gonna
find out who did this
1029
00:38:56,248 --> 00:38:58,951
and we're gonna stomp in
their stupid fucking faces!
1030
00:38:59,451 --> 00:39:00,719
Okay.
1031
00:39:00,721 --> 00:39:02,621
Well, the shack's a dead end.
1032
00:39:02,623 --> 00:39:05,088
It's on abandoned land owned
by a defunct mining company.
1033
00:39:05,090 --> 00:39:07,157
So, anyone could have
put the booty out there.
1034
00:39:07,159 --> 00:39:08,558
(LAUGHS)
1035
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:09,929
Why you laughing, Guy Smiley?
1036
00:39:11,331 --> 00:39:13,200
(PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC PLAYING)
1037
00:39:14,433 --> 00:39:15,933
(MAC LAUGHS)
1038
00:39:15,935 --> 00:39:18,168
Okay, if we
stake out the shack
1039
00:39:18,170 --> 00:39:20,538
maybe we can catch
someone coming or going.
1040
00:39:20,540 --> 00:39:21,605
Let's get back out there.
1041
00:39:21,607 --> 00:39:23,942
(PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
1042
00:39:23,944 --> 00:39:26,177
Farva, hit the radio.
1043
00:39:26,179 --> 00:39:28,014
(SPEAKING JAPANESE)
1044
00:39:30,282 --> 00:39:31,284
(GONG RINGS)
1045
00:39:40,125 --> 00:39:41,592
O'HAGAN: (DISTORTED)
You hearing this?
1046
00:39:41,594 --> 00:39:43,427
Come on! Hit the radio!
1047
00:39:43,429 --> 00:39:44,998
Farva! Come on!
1048
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:49,136
(GIGGLING)
1049
00:39:52,038 --> 00:39:54,172
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Uh-oh.
1050
00:39:54,174 --> 00:39:55,607
Woo-hoo!
1051
00:39:55,609 --> 00:39:57,375
I love grass!
1052
00:39:57,377 --> 00:39:59,143
I love life!
1053
00:39:59,145 --> 00:40:00,513
I love music!
1054
00:40:01,915 --> 00:40:03,547
RABBIT: Think puppies,
not steroids.
1055
00:40:03,549 --> 00:40:05,750
Think puppies, not steroids.
1056
00:40:05,752 --> 00:40:08,322
Smiling. Puppies.
1057
00:40:09,288 --> 00:40:10,523
(EXHALES)
1058
00:40:11,156 --> 00:40:12,292
Whew!
1059
00:40:16,828 --> 00:40:19,697
Bunnies! Bunnies!
1060
00:40:19,699 --> 00:40:21,433
Hi, bunny. Hi.
1061
00:40:21,435 --> 00:40:24,936
Rabbit. My name's Rabbit.
Oh, so cute little thing.
1062
00:40:24,938 --> 00:40:26,373
Bub, bub, bub, bub.
1063
00:40:32,411 --> 00:40:33,480
(CHUCKLES)
1064
00:40:36,782 --> 00:40:38,152
(CHUCKLES)
1065
00:40:38,817 --> 00:40:40,652
(LOUDLY)
Just stay there!
1066
00:40:40,654 --> 00:40:43,054
(PETS WHIMPERING)
1067
00:40:43,056 --> 00:40:46,690
- (CHAIRS WHIRRING)
- Feel the steroids melting away.
1068
00:40:46,692 --> 00:40:47,726
(MOANS)
1069
00:40:47,728 --> 00:40:49,793
Don't let the job
stress you out.
1070
00:40:49,795 --> 00:40:50,994
I love the job.
1071
00:40:50,996 --> 00:40:53,730
Doesn't stress me out.
Farva stresses me out.
1072
00:40:53,732 --> 00:40:54,931
Such a shame.
1073
00:40:54,933 --> 00:40:57,571
Why are the good-looking ones
always so obnoxious?
1074
00:40:58,571 --> 00:40:59,871
You think he's good-looking?
1075
00:40:59,873 --> 00:41:01,338
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
1076
00:41:01,340 --> 00:41:04,842
"The bigger the cushion,
the better the pushing."
1077
00:41:04,844 --> 00:41:07,045
- No.
- (CHUCKLES) No.
1078
00:41:07,047 --> 00:41:07,945
(LAUGHS)
1079
00:41:07,947 --> 00:41:10,215
I would rather have sex
with a baboon.
1080
00:41:10,217 --> 00:41:11,549
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1081
00:41:11,551 --> 00:41:12,550
It's funny though, huh?
1082
00:41:12,552 --> 00:41:15,386
We all have that one
horrible person we work with.
1083
00:41:15,388 --> 00:41:18,690
For me, it's my office manager
Lonnie Laloush.
1084
00:41:18,692 --> 00:41:22,125
Oh, he can be
such a "deeckwad".
1085
00:41:22,127 --> 00:41:24,228
- (CHUCKLES)
- What?
1086
00:41:24,230 --> 00:41:25,295
It's just with your accent,
1087
00:41:25,297 --> 00:41:27,264
the way you say "dickwad"
is adorable.
1088
00:41:27,266 --> 00:41:29,599
No, but it's true.
He is a deeckwad.
1089
00:41:29,601 --> 00:41:30,668
(LAUGHS)
1090
00:41:30,670 --> 00:41:32,469
(BELLEFUILLE SPEAKS FRENCH)
1091
00:41:32,471 --> 00:41:34,639
First you steal our job
1092
00:41:34,641 --> 00:41:35,806
and now you sit here
1093
00:41:35,808 --> 00:41:38,244
gazing lovingly
into the eyes of our women.
1094
00:41:38,677 --> 00:41:40,210
Your women?
1095
00:41:40,212 --> 00:41:42,112
Well, maybe we should
take him in the back,
1096
00:41:42,114 --> 00:41:44,215
give him
Canadian handshake, eh?
1097
00:41:44,217 --> 00:41:45,215
What's that?
1098
00:41:45,217 --> 00:41:47,851
Let's just say it involve
a bag of hockey puck
1099
00:41:47,853 --> 00:41:50,387
and a lot of warm gravy.
1100
00:41:50,389 --> 00:41:51,556
Mm. Sounds delicious.
1101
00:41:51,558 --> 00:41:53,090
- (HORN BLARES)
- FARVA: Make way!
1102
00:41:53,092 --> 00:41:54,994
Hot soup coming through!
1103
00:41:55,828 --> 00:41:58,295
Oh, Canadian standoff, huh?
1104
00:41:58,297 --> 00:42:00,096
Oh, it look like
professor Stephen Hawking
1105
00:42:00,098 --> 00:42:01,965
has really let himself
go these days.
1106
00:42:01,967 --> 00:42:03,500
(LAUGHS BOISTEROUSLY)
1107
00:42:03,502 --> 00:42:05,270
(MIMICS LAUGHTER)
1108
00:42:05,272 --> 00:42:07,237
(IN ROBOTIC VOICE)
When God created Canada,
1109
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:10,340
it was like
the universe farted.
1110
00:42:10,342 --> 00:42:11,241
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
1111
00:42:11,243 --> 00:42:13,110
Why do all the fat one
always ride around
1112
00:42:13,112 --> 00:42:14,478
on these little scooters?
1113
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:16,614
You ever stop and think
that if you walk,
1114
00:42:16,616 --> 00:42:17,849
you might actually be thin?
1115
00:42:17,851 --> 00:42:19,386
(BLOWING WHISTLE)
1116
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:21,751
Wow.
1117
00:42:21,753 --> 00:42:24,889
These pigs are harassing
the handicapped!
1118
00:42:24,891 --> 00:42:27,257
Everybody look.
Take a phone video!
1119
00:42:27,259 --> 00:42:31,996
- MAN: Hey! Leave him alone!
- Hey! This it is far from over.
1120
00:42:31,998 --> 00:42:34,264
- You want to go to TJ's Arcade?
- Oui.
1121
00:42:34,266 --> 00:42:36,266
I have some loonie
I need to break.
1122
00:42:36,268 --> 00:42:37,569
C'est bon.
1123
00:42:37,571 --> 00:42:39,404
(MUMBLES MOCK FRENCH)
1124
00:42:39,406 --> 00:42:40,907
Fuckin' Frenchies.
1125
00:42:43,009 --> 00:42:45,342
What are you two doing together?
Mall walking?
1126
00:42:45,344 --> 00:42:48,145
We ran into each other
at the pet store.
1127
00:42:48,147 --> 00:42:51,181
(CHUCKLES) Rabbit.
You shopping for a new gerbil?
1128
00:42:51,183 --> 00:42:53,918
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
1129
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:55,887
Hey, Gwenevieve
how about the two of us
1130
00:42:55,889 --> 00:42:57,387
go over to
the Saskatchuan Palace
1131
00:42:57,389 --> 00:42:59,657
and get a wang dang doodle?
(CHUCKLES)
1132
00:42:59,659 --> 00:43:00,791
Uh, non.
1133
00:43:00,793 --> 00:43:03,226
Ooh, woof woof. Put a little
bark on that and I'll bite.
1134
00:43:03,228 --> 00:43:06,399
(SCOFFS)
Okay, I'm going to go.
1135
00:43:08,467 --> 00:43:09,800
It was great seeing you.
1136
00:43:09,802 --> 00:43:11,571
Don't leave on my account.
(CHUCKLES)
1137
00:43:12,505 --> 00:43:14,308
Uh-huh! Cocky, huh?
1138
00:43:15,442 --> 00:43:16,607
How about we up the bet?
1139
00:43:16,609 --> 00:43:17,907
There is no bet, Farva.
1140
00:43:17,909 --> 00:43:19,344
Okay, new bet then.
1141
00:43:19,346 --> 00:43:22,612
Loser not only cuts off
his pinky toe with a shovel,
1142
00:43:22,614 --> 00:43:23,947
he puts it in a blender
1143
00:43:23,949 --> 00:43:26,583
and drinks it in a smoothie,
toenail and all.
1144
00:43:26,585 --> 00:43:27,817
- (SCOFFS)
- Come on.
1145
00:43:27,819 --> 00:43:29,119
Shake it, don't mistake it.
1146
00:43:29,121 --> 00:43:30,587
You're serious?
1147
00:43:30,589 --> 00:43:31,755
Serious as a heart attack.
1148
00:43:31,757 --> 00:43:34,458
And I should know.
I've had two.
1149
00:43:34,460 --> 00:43:36,960
(SCOOTER BEEPING)
1150
00:43:36,962 --> 00:43:38,497
- Wow.
- FARVA: Pinky toe smoothie!
1151
00:43:43,435 --> 00:43:45,436
(LAUGHS)
1152
00:43:45,438 --> 00:43:47,607
- Somebody clean this up.
- (HORN HONKS)
1153
00:43:56,482 --> 00:43:57,849
Son of a bitch.
1154
00:43:57,851 --> 00:43:58,916
Hey!
1155
00:43:58,918 --> 00:44:01,020
Heat goggles have arrived!
1156
00:44:01,987 --> 00:44:03,422
Looking hot, Mac.
1157
00:44:04,156 --> 00:44:06,424
Hey, nickel plated cuffs!
1158
00:44:06,426 --> 00:44:09,793
Oh, shit.
These things are defective.
1159
00:44:09,795 --> 00:44:10,962
What's wrong with them?
1160
00:44:10,964 --> 00:44:12,163
They don't seem to lock.
1161
00:44:12,165 --> 00:44:13,864
Here. Let me see.
1162
00:44:13,866 --> 00:44:15,502
Here you go, Rabbit,
give me that hand.
1163
00:44:18,837 --> 00:44:21,005
- THORNY: I got mine to work.
- FOSTER: Maybe it's this one.
1164
00:44:21,007 --> 00:44:22,806
- Okay.
- Oh, yeah, that works. Okay, good.
1165
00:44:22,808 --> 00:44:24,074
Try the ankle ones.
1166
00:44:24,076 --> 00:44:25,309
THORNY: Oh, you always gotta
check the ankle ones.
1167
00:44:25,311 --> 00:44:26,578
FOSTER:
That's the most important.
1168
00:44:26,580 --> 00:44:27,445
And here we go.
1169
00:44:27,447 --> 00:44:29,112
(CHUCKLES)
You son-a-bitches.
1170
00:44:29,114 --> 00:44:30,614
You're not shaving my balls!
1171
00:44:30,616 --> 00:44:32,516
It would be an insult to our
Canadian hosts if we didn't.
1172
00:44:32,518 --> 00:44:34,386
I'm not a rookie anymore.
Get these off me.
1173
00:44:34,388 --> 00:44:35,953
Do you not want to be
an ambassador of goodwill?
1174
00:44:35,955 --> 00:44:37,489
No. I don't. Get these off me.
1175
00:44:37,491 --> 00:44:39,623
Rabbit, it's not like
we want to shave your balls.
1176
00:44:39,625 --> 00:44:41,192
Thorny, do you want
to shave his balls?
1177
00:44:41,194 --> 00:44:42,726
- Me? Hell no.
- Foster?
1178
00:44:42,728 --> 00:44:44,628
- No way.
- You don't wanna shave his balls, do you, Farva?
1179
00:44:44,630 --> 00:44:45,829
Hell yeah, I do!
1180
00:44:45,831 --> 00:44:46,898
I even went out and bought
1181
00:44:46,900 --> 00:44:48,264
one of those
old-timey straight razors.
1182
00:44:48,266 --> 00:44:50,367
- No. No.
- Check this out.
1183
00:44:50,369 --> 00:44:52,369
- (CRACKLING)
- (SHRIEKS)
1184
00:44:52,371 --> 00:44:53,237
FARVA:
Jesus!
1185
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,072
Goddamn Canadian wiring!
1186
00:44:55,074 --> 00:44:57,110
It's wrecking
my freakin' sperm count!
1187
00:44:57,777 --> 00:44:59,009
(FARVA GROANS)
1188
00:44:59,011 --> 00:45:01,445
Are you still taking
the Flova Scotia?
1189
00:45:01,447 --> 00:45:03,079
What part of
"side effects include
1190
00:45:03,081 --> 00:45:04,782
"queefing and bitchiness"
did you not understand?
1191
00:45:04,784 --> 00:45:07,550
Dude, the orgasms are
like a moonshot. (CHUCKLES)
1192
00:45:07,552 --> 00:45:09,119
You can't keep taking
female hormones.
1193
00:45:09,121 --> 00:45:10,487
It's gonna mess you up.
1194
00:45:10,489 --> 00:45:11,456
Jealous much?
1195
00:45:11,458 --> 00:45:13,090
Now who are you
orgasming with?
1196
00:45:13,092 --> 00:45:15,259
(IN CANADIAN ACCENT)
Her name is Quebecois Debbie.
1197
00:45:15,261 --> 00:45:18,295
Oh, Thorny, your cock,
she is so wide.
1198
00:45:18,297 --> 00:45:20,931
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
- I'd fuck her.
1199
00:45:20,933 --> 00:45:22,000
(SCOFFS)
1200
00:45:22,002 --> 00:45:24,071
- Okay, let's shave this.
- Don't.
1201
00:45:32,813 --> 00:45:34,114
(BEAR GRUNTS)
1202
00:45:36,848 --> 00:45:37,915
THORNY:
Ready?
1203
00:45:37,917 --> 00:45:39,416
Seriously,
cut the crap, guys.
1204
00:45:39,418 --> 00:45:41,555
(INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER)
1205
00:45:44,656 --> 00:45:46,958
- O'HAGAN: Ahem!
- (FOSTER CLEARS THROAT)
1206
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:48,525
There's a bear in the station.
1207
00:45:48,527 --> 00:45:51,262
Is that a euphemism
for something?
1208
00:45:51,264 --> 00:45:54,232
It's a euphemism for
there's a goddamn bear
1209
00:45:54,234 --> 00:45:57,703
eating slabs of raw meat
in the goddamn station!
1210
00:46:00,005 --> 00:46:02,306
(BEAR GROWLING)
1211
00:46:02,308 --> 00:46:03,974
- Yeah. Bear.
- Okay.
1212
00:46:03,976 --> 00:46:05,041
Where are the guns?
1213
00:46:05,043 --> 00:46:06,744
In the room with the bear.
1214
00:46:06,746 --> 00:46:07,978
Tear gas grenades?
1215
00:46:07,980 --> 00:46:09,980
- I just got a new delivery!
- There you go! Where is it?
1216
00:46:09,982 --> 00:46:12,449
In the room
with the guns and the bear.
1217
00:46:12,451 --> 00:46:14,384
What if we send Rabbit
out to fuck the bear
1218
00:46:14,386 --> 00:46:15,853
as a means
of distracting said bear?
1219
00:46:15,855 --> 00:46:17,320
- Yes.
- God damn it,
1220
00:46:17,322 --> 00:46:18,859
we've got to get
the meat out of there!
1221
00:46:20,326 --> 00:46:21,992
Fine, fuck it. I'll do it.
1222
00:46:21,994 --> 00:46:23,527
- I'll go with you.
- Really?
1223
00:46:23,529 --> 00:46:24,996
Yeah. What's the worst
that could happen?
1224
00:46:24,998 --> 00:46:26,163
You get mauled by the bear.
1225
00:46:26,165 --> 00:46:27,598
Or that bear
could get mauled by me.
1226
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:29,366
- You ever think about that?
- No, I didn't.
1227
00:46:29,368 --> 00:46:30,434
Okay, here's the plan:
1228
00:46:30,436 --> 00:46:31,703
I'll go out there
and distract the bear,
1229
00:46:31,705 --> 00:46:32,569
while you get the meat
1230
00:46:32,571 --> 00:46:33,871
and get it the hell
out of the station.
1231
00:46:33,873 --> 00:46:34,938
Team Ram-Rod!
1232
00:46:34,940 --> 00:46:36,442
Please don't start
with that shit.
1233
00:46:40,746 --> 00:46:41,811
(SNORTS)
1234
00:46:41,813 --> 00:46:43,315
FOSTER:
Good luck, fellas.
1235
00:46:45,049 --> 00:46:47,153
(WHISPERS) Okay.
You stay here.
1236
00:46:50,822 --> 00:46:52,855
Big boy. Hey, big boy!
1237
00:46:52,857 --> 00:46:54,724
(WHISTLES, CAWING)
1238
00:46:54,726 --> 00:46:55,793
(GRUNTS)
1239
00:46:55,795 --> 00:46:57,161
- Oh, boy.
- Oh, no.
1240
00:46:57,163 --> 00:47:00,163
Come here, Ditka.
Come here. Come here, boy!
1241
00:47:00,165 --> 00:47:01,368
(WHISPERS) Go, go, go.
1242
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:03,369
- Come on!
- (GROWLS)
1243
00:47:03,935 --> 00:47:05,369
Come on! Come on!
1244
00:47:05,371 --> 00:47:06,770
- Come, come!
- (ROARS)
1245
00:47:06,772 --> 00:47:07,837
Okay.
1246
00:47:07,839 --> 00:47:09,340
Okay, okay.
1247
00:47:09,342 --> 00:47:10,407
Fuck you, bear.
1248
00:47:10,409 --> 00:47:11,945
- (GROWLING)
- Shit.
1249
00:47:15,714 --> 00:47:16,715
Shit.
1250
00:47:20,485 --> 00:47:21,554
(GRUNTS)
1251
00:47:24,757 --> 00:47:25,956
(YELLING)
1252
00:47:25,958 --> 00:47:27,260
THORNY:
Go, go, go, go!
1253
00:47:29,962 --> 00:47:31,764
(WHIMPERING)
1254
00:47:32,431 --> 00:47:33,398
(SNARLS)
1255
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,132
♪ Big bear ♪
1256
00:47:35,134 --> 00:47:36,300
(GRUNTING)
1257
00:47:36,302 --> 00:47:37,768
♪ Got a chest like a rug ♪
1258
00:47:37,770 --> 00:47:38,936
Oh, shit.
1259
00:47:38,938 --> 00:47:41,871
♪ He don't take no guff,
he's Big Bear ♪
1260
00:47:41,873 --> 00:47:43,107
Hey. Hey.
1261
00:47:43,109 --> 00:47:45,375
Get out of there. Stop.
1262
00:47:45,377 --> 00:47:47,145
- Should I shoot him?
- Who? Farva?
1263
00:47:47,147 --> 00:47:48,279
Ooh, good idea.
1264
00:47:48,281 --> 00:47:49,882
No, no! No, no, no.
1265
00:47:50,782 --> 00:47:51,949
(WHIMPERS)
1266
00:47:51,951 --> 00:47:53,217
(GROWLS)
1267
00:47:53,219 --> 00:47:54,884
Go away!
1268
00:47:54,886 --> 00:47:56,355
(SHRIEKING)
1269
00:47:57,456 --> 00:47:58,625
ALL: Oh!
1270
00:47:59,491 --> 00:48:01,391
- Get away, bear.
- (GROWLS)
1271
00:48:01,393 --> 00:48:04,594
♪ Come on, give
a bear a hug ♪
1272
00:48:04,596 --> 00:48:06,896
Go! Go! Go!
1273
00:48:06,898 --> 00:48:08,368
Get out of here. Fuck.
1274
00:48:10,936 --> 00:48:12,936
(ALL CHEERING)
1275
00:48:12,938 --> 00:48:15,038
Holy shit,
I "bear-ly" made it.
1276
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:17,174
(ALL LAUGHING)
1277
00:48:17,176 --> 00:48:18,875
That could've been "grizzly".
1278
00:48:18,877 --> 00:48:20,444
- (ALL CHUCKLE)
- Yeah.
1279
00:48:20,446 --> 00:48:22,378
I think someone took
a "growler" in here.
1280
00:48:22,380 --> 00:48:23,715
- Shoot him.
- (COCKS GUN)
1281
00:48:23,717 --> 00:48:26,817
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER IN CAR)
- MAC: Fuckin' Mounties!
1282
00:48:26,819 --> 00:48:28,085
Son of a bitch!
1283
00:48:28,087 --> 00:48:30,688
Those guys have been assholes
since the moment we arrived
1284
00:48:30,690 --> 00:48:32,355
and now they are
trying to kill us.
1285
00:48:32,357 --> 00:48:34,190
This goes a lot farther
than just being angry
1286
00:48:34,192 --> 00:48:35,659
about losing their jobs.
1287
00:48:35,661 --> 00:48:37,295
Cap, we've been
pelted by hockey pucks,
1288
00:48:37,297 --> 00:48:38,895
had dicks tugged
in front of our faces
1289
00:48:38,897 --> 00:48:41,498
and gotten our asses kicked
by prostitutes of both sexes.
1290
00:48:41,500 --> 00:48:43,934
I think it's time we had
our own fun. Who's with me?
1291
00:48:43,936 --> 00:48:45,203
- (ALL CHEER)
- Yeah! Let's go!
1292
00:48:45,205 --> 00:48:47,804
Dude, you fuckin' stink.
1293
00:48:47,806 --> 00:48:48,942
Sorry.
1294
00:48:49,775 --> 00:48:53,643
Guys! Guys! Anyone?
1295
00:48:53,645 --> 00:48:55,880
The shaving cream
is starting to burn.
1296
00:48:55,882 --> 00:48:57,114
Did you use menthol?!
1297
00:48:57,116 --> 00:48:59,884
FEMALE NARRATOR: Hair loss,
queefing and bitchiness.
1298
00:48:59,886 --> 00:49:02,619
Flova Scotia, eh?
1299
00:49:02,621 --> 00:49:05,655
Fuckin' rights.
It's the same guy, bud.
1300
00:49:05,657 --> 00:49:08,358
No, no, no. It's
a different guy, that guy, eh.
1301
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:10,460
Yeah, no!
That's Danny DeVito!
1302
00:49:10,462 --> 00:49:13,230
(GRUNTS) Danny DeVito
is the actor from Taxi,
1303
00:49:13,232 --> 00:49:14,565
but that guy I like,
1304
00:49:14,567 --> 00:49:17,300
he come out on Always
Sunny in Philadelphia's.
1305
00:49:17,302 --> 00:49:18,636
Bud, they're the same guy.
1306
00:49:18,638 --> 00:49:20,603
How many 145-centimeter actors
do you think there are?
1307
00:49:20,605 --> 00:49:22,172
They're both Danny DeVito!
1308
00:49:22,174 --> 00:49:23,340
(INDISTINCT MUMBLING)
1309
00:49:23,342 --> 00:49:25,742
No, Danny DeVito
Taxi long time ago.
1310
00:49:25,744 --> 00:49:28,612
But this producer
from Always Sunnys,
1311
00:49:28,614 --> 00:49:30,480
they like him so much,
(POPS LIPS)
1312
00:49:30,482 --> 00:49:32,882
they put him it
into the show, eh.
1313
00:49:32,884 --> 00:49:35,351
That doesn't mean they
can't be the same guy, bud.
1314
00:49:35,353 --> 00:49:36,786
That's one guy.
It's a different era.
1315
00:49:36,788 --> 00:49:38,654
He can do two shows
in fucking 30 years.
1316
00:49:38,656 --> 00:49:40,623
How many times
do we have to go over this?
1317
00:49:40,625 --> 00:49:42,527
It's the same fucking guy!
1318
00:49:42,529 --> 00:49:44,762
- (OBJECT CLATTERING)
- (MUMBLING)
1319
00:49:44,764 --> 00:49:47,931
He is right, you know.
It is the same guy.
1320
00:49:47,933 --> 00:49:49,933
Danny DeVito was in Taxis
1321
00:49:49,935 --> 00:49:52,871
but he is also in It's Always
Sunny in Philadelphia's.
1322
00:49:53,538 --> 00:49:55,405
I know. I make joke on him.
1323
00:49:55,407 --> 00:49:58,241
He think I don't know
but I know, eh.
1324
00:49:58,243 --> 00:50:01,011
(CHUCKLES)
1325
00:50:01,013 --> 00:50:03,947
You know who is my favorite,
uh, superhero villain?
1326
00:50:03,949 --> 00:50:06,449
Is the Penguin
from Batman film, eh.
1327
00:50:06,451 --> 00:50:08,853
That's fuckin'
Danny DeVito, bud.
1328
00:50:08,855 --> 00:50:10,154
Get a fucking clue!
1329
00:50:10,156 --> 00:50:11,721
That's Danny DeVito
you just said!
1330
00:50:11,723 --> 00:50:13,357
Can you believe
this fuckin' guy doesn't know
1331
00:50:13,359 --> 00:50:14,424
who Danny DeVito is?
1332
00:50:14,426 --> 00:50:15,692
Who you mean? The singer?
1333
00:50:15,694 --> 00:50:18,429
No, the fuckin' actor!
Danny DeVito.
1334
00:50:18,431 --> 00:50:20,463
The guy who's married
to Rhea Perlman!
1335
00:50:20,465 --> 00:50:22,299
Oh, I like him in Hellboy.
1336
00:50:22,301 --> 00:50:23,735
That's Ron Perlman!
1337
00:50:23,737 --> 00:50:26,837
Doesn't matter. Archambault!
Hockey is back on!
1338
00:50:26,839 --> 00:50:28,137
What the fuck is wrong
with you guys?
1339
00:50:28,139 --> 00:50:29,873
Both of you. You're fucki''
from another planet.
1340
00:50:29,875 --> 00:50:31,675
I can't believe we live
in the same country.
1341
00:50:31,677 --> 00:50:33,043
- (PHONE RINGING)
- Oh, the fucking phone
1342
00:50:33,045 --> 00:50:34,578
is ringing during
hockey night in Canada!
1343
00:50:34,580 --> 00:50:36,612
Who is calling during
hockey night in Canada?!
1344
00:50:36,614 --> 00:50:38,782
Who the fuck even has
a hard line anymore?
1345
00:50:38,784 --> 00:50:41,351
Archambault, rip the fuckin'
phone out of the wall!
1346
00:50:41,353 --> 00:50:42,587
What's next?
You're gonna have someone
1347
00:50:42,589 --> 00:50:44,654
deliver a pizza during
the fuckin' overtime?!
1348
00:50:44,656 --> 00:50:45,859
(YELLS)
1349
00:50:47,259 --> 00:50:48,893
- (HISSING)
- What the fuck?
1350
00:50:48,895 --> 00:50:49,896
(PODEIN COUGHS)
1351
00:50:55,701 --> 00:50:57,701
You know,
the other guy I like,
1352
00:50:57,703 --> 00:50:59,536
is the one
giving Billy Crystal
1353
00:50:59,538 --> 00:51:01,940
the problem in
Throw Momma and the Trains.
1354
00:51:04,810 --> 00:51:06,679
Holy merde.
1355
00:51:07,045 --> 00:51:08,514
(YELLS)
1356
00:51:09,315 --> 00:51:11,348
(GRUNTING)
1357
00:51:11,350 --> 00:51:12,552
(GROANS)
1358
00:51:15,321 --> 00:51:16,790
(GROWLING)
1359
00:51:17,355 --> 00:51:18,624
(LAUGHTER)
1360
00:51:20,393 --> 00:51:21,525
(GRUNTING)
1361
00:51:21,527 --> 00:51:22,729
THORNY:
Get him!
1362
00:51:23,462 --> 00:51:24,831
(CRACKLING)
1363
00:51:27,032 --> 00:51:28,467
(GROANING)
1364
00:51:31,270 --> 00:51:33,139
(CHEERING)
1365
00:51:35,074 --> 00:51:36,440
Great fight, guys!
1366
00:51:36,442 --> 00:51:39,242
Pennyworth ADH4
SureShot Cattle Prod.
1367
00:51:39,244 --> 00:51:40,444
Every station needs one.
1368
00:51:40,446 --> 00:51:42,445
(ALL CHEERING)
1369
00:51:42,447 --> 00:51:44,451
I can't breathe.
1370
00:51:54,293 --> 00:51:57,130
- (MUFFLED GRUNTS AND SHOUTS)
- (CATTLE PROD CRACKLING)
1371
00:51:59,098 --> 00:52:01,098
(MOUNTIES GROANING)
1372
00:52:01,100 --> 00:52:04,000
We know it's you guys.
We can see your mustaches.
1373
00:52:04,002 --> 00:52:05,869
Come on, you can't
leave us out here.
1374
00:52:05,871 --> 00:52:08,739
We are at least
100 kilomètres in the woods!
1375
00:52:08,741 --> 00:52:10,143
ARCHAMBAULT:
Maybe more, huh?
1376
00:52:15,214 --> 00:52:16,712
(ALL PANTING)
1377
00:52:16,714 --> 00:52:19,518
BELLEFUILLE: Ah, tabernacle.
Here come the mosquito.
1378
00:52:20,185 --> 00:52:22,154
(ALL CHEERING)
1379
00:52:24,522 --> 00:52:25,755
We got 24 hours
1380
00:52:25,757 --> 00:52:27,925
to desecrate the good names
of these dickfucks.
1381
00:52:27,927 --> 00:52:30,194
- (ALL CHEERING)
- Let's do it!
1382
00:52:30,196 --> 00:52:32,295
(ALL CHEERING AND WHOOPING)
1383
00:52:32,297 --> 00:52:35,233
(COUNTS IN FRENCH)
1384
00:52:35,235 --> 00:52:37,070
Let's do it.
1385
00:52:40,906 --> 00:52:43,076
License and registration, eh!
1386
00:52:44,243 --> 00:52:45,241
Here you go.
1387
00:52:45,243 --> 00:52:46,610
FARVA: (ON RADIO)
Captain, come in, Captain.
1388
00:52:46,612 --> 00:52:48,445
- Officer.
- FARVA: Captain, come in.
1389
00:52:48,447 --> 00:52:50,181
MAN:
Officer, here you go.
1390
00:52:50,183 --> 00:52:51,482
FARVA: Are you hearing
anything, Captain?
1391
00:52:51,484 --> 00:52:52,815
You think maybe
your buddy is getting
1392
00:52:52,817 --> 00:52:54,888
a little old for this?
I mean, a deaf cop?
1393
00:52:55,388 --> 00:52:57,288
Who said that, eh?
1394
00:52:57,290 --> 00:53:00,623
Ooh. You, sir,
have the nose of a king.
1395
00:53:00,625 --> 00:53:03,393
Hold tight, I'm gonna
get my ticket book.
1396
00:53:03,395 --> 00:53:04,829
(FOSTER GROANS)
1397
00:53:04,831 --> 00:53:06,563
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Ya! Hey there.
1398
00:53:06,565 --> 00:53:08,498
- License and registration.
- All right.
1399
00:53:08,500 --> 00:53:10,366
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Let's go!
License and registration, eh!
1400
00:53:10,368 --> 00:53:11,567
(SNICKERING)
1401
00:53:11,569 --> 00:53:12,636
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
What's so funny...
1402
00:53:12,638 --> 00:53:15,304
...Mr. Matt Tomon?
1403
00:53:15,306 --> 00:53:16,373
You think it's funny that
1404
00:53:16,375 --> 00:53:17,875
I lost my balls
in a tractor pull?
1405
00:53:17,877 --> 00:53:19,677
Wait, you both
got your nuts ripped off
1406
00:53:19,679 --> 00:53:20,811
in a tractor pull?
1407
00:53:20,813 --> 00:53:22,645
I lost mine in the spokes
of my bicycle.
1408
00:53:22,647 --> 00:53:24,616
You know how fast
that will stop a bicycle?
1409
00:53:26,752 --> 00:53:28,418
MAN:
Hey, Officer!
1410
00:53:28,420 --> 00:53:30,820
- Hey, you're on my wagon.
- What?
1411
00:53:30,822 --> 00:53:33,989
Come on! Wake up! Wake up!
1412
00:53:33,991 --> 00:53:35,827
FARVA:
License and registration, hey?
1413
00:53:37,395 --> 00:53:39,628
'Scuse me one second, eh.
1414
00:53:39,630 --> 00:53:41,030
- You bitch!
- (GRUNTS)
1415
00:53:41,032 --> 00:53:43,002
- Get back here, you!
- FARVA: Ow! Ow!
1416
00:53:45,237 --> 00:53:47,204
- Hey, there.
- Hi.
1417
00:53:47,206 --> 00:53:49,273
License and registration.
1418
00:53:49,275 --> 00:53:52,509
Aren't you the two
that pulled me over before?
1419
00:53:52,511 --> 00:53:53,811
Beg your pardon?
1420
00:53:53,813 --> 00:53:57,447
How are you Mounties now?
Or should I say Meow-nties?
1421
00:53:57,449 --> 00:53:59,083
- (CHUCKLES)
- Say what now?
1422
00:53:59,085 --> 00:54:01,116
Few years ago,
you pulled me over
1423
00:54:01,118 --> 00:54:03,219
and you played some game
where you said "meow."
1424
00:54:03,221 --> 00:54:05,221
Buddy, I've said
a thousand stupid things
1425
00:54:05,223 --> 00:54:06,422
to people over the years.
1426
00:54:06,424 --> 00:54:08,090
You asked if I saw you
jumping around
1427
00:54:08,092 --> 00:54:10,793
all nimbly-bimbly
from tree to tree?
1428
00:54:10,795 --> 00:54:12,962
(CHUCKLES) I can assure you
I've never said the words
1429
00:54:12,964 --> 00:54:15,431
"nimbly-bimbly"
in my life.
1430
00:54:15,433 --> 00:54:17,101
- You fucker!
- Oh, you bitch!
1431
00:54:17,103 --> 00:54:18,467
(FARVA GROANING)
1432
00:54:18,469 --> 00:54:20,570
Where's the gosh darn cruiser?
1433
00:54:20,572 --> 00:54:21,804
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1434
00:54:21,806 --> 00:54:23,674
Dude, your partner
is about to get mucked!
1435
00:54:23,676 --> 00:54:25,641
Where you going, mister?
Freeze!
1436
00:54:25,643 --> 00:54:26,912
- (HORN BLARES)
- (TIRES SCREECH)
1437
00:54:28,346 --> 00:54:29,381
Ow. Ow!
1438
00:54:32,183 --> 00:54:33,449
(SIGHS)
1439
00:54:33,451 --> 00:54:34,650
- (HONKS HORN)
- (SCREAMS)
1440
00:54:34,652 --> 00:54:36,420
(ALL SCREAMING)
1441
00:54:36,422 --> 00:54:38,288
Bro!
1442
00:54:38,290 --> 00:54:40,324
Hang on. Do you really
not remember this guy
1443
00:54:40,326 --> 00:54:41,458
or you just fuckin' with him?
1444
00:54:41,460 --> 00:54:42,659
(WHISPERS) Yeah,
I have no idea who he is.
1445
00:54:42,661 --> 00:54:43,994
You know I heard
everything you said.
1446
00:54:43,996 --> 00:54:45,728
Son of a bitch. We've been
doing that for years.
1447
00:54:45,730 --> 00:54:47,898
Forget it. Am I getting
a ticket here, or...
1448
00:54:47,900 --> 00:54:49,199
You know what? I want
to get my head around this
1449
00:54:49,201 --> 00:54:50,800
'cause now
it's driving me crazy.
1450
00:54:50,802 --> 00:54:52,770
Let's do this. We'll switch.
You'll be me, I'll be you
1451
00:54:52,772 --> 00:54:54,170
and then
you'll do the routine.
1452
00:54:54,172 --> 00:54:55,072
What? All right.
1453
00:54:55,074 --> 00:54:56,709
Ah, you'll kill it,
you'll kill it.
1454
00:54:57,076 --> 00:54:58,308
(GRUNTS)
1455
00:54:58,310 --> 00:55:01,911
License and registration meow.
Come on, meow.
1456
00:55:01,913 --> 00:55:04,280
- Hey! Now I remember it!
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
1457
00:55:04,282 --> 00:55:06,382
- I remember it now.
- You remember that.
1458
00:55:06,384 --> 00:55:08,686
In the meanwhile, never give
your car keys to a stranger.
1459
00:55:08,688 --> 00:55:09,786
Why is that?
1460
00:55:09,788 --> 00:55:11,755
FOSTER: (GIGGLES)
See you, sucker!
1461
00:55:11,757 --> 00:55:14,991
MAC: I knew it was you
the whole time, asshole!
1462
00:55:14,993 --> 00:55:17,293
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) What
the hell's going on here? Huh?
1463
00:55:17,295 --> 00:55:19,797
Looks like someone's smoking
the reefer joints.
1464
00:55:19,799 --> 00:55:21,197
No, that's not marijuana.
1465
00:55:21,199 --> 00:55:22,366
We'll see about that.
1466
00:55:22,368 --> 00:55:24,067
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Farva, that's not a good idea!
1467
00:55:24,069 --> 00:55:25,237
(SCREAMING)
1468
00:55:26,237 --> 00:55:27,304
What's the...
1469
00:55:27,306 --> 00:55:29,739
(SIREN WAILING)
1470
00:55:29,741 --> 00:55:31,009
Okay, this is happening.
1471
00:55:34,712 --> 00:55:36,948
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
1472
00:55:38,016 --> 00:55:39,215
Sorry.
1473
00:55:39,217 --> 00:55:41,552
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
1474
00:55:41,554 --> 00:55:42,619
We're from America.
1475
00:55:42,621 --> 00:55:43,887
We don't speak French.
1476
00:55:43,889 --> 00:55:44,924
Oh.
1477
00:55:45,458 --> 00:55:46,859
(HORSE NEIGHING)
1478
00:55:48,826 --> 00:55:50,427
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
1479
00:55:50,429 --> 00:55:51,895
Do neither of you
speak English?
1480
00:55:51,897 --> 00:55:53,563
- (IN FRENCH ACCENT) I do.
- Oh.
1481
00:55:53,565 --> 00:55:55,398
Em... (CLICKS TONGUE)
1482
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:56,900
Your papers.
1483
00:55:56,902 --> 00:56:00,904
We would like
to eat your papers.
1484
00:56:00,906 --> 00:56:03,940
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Can you
show me your party papers?
1485
00:56:03,942 --> 00:56:06,409
- You want to see our party papers?
- Party papers?
1486
00:56:06,411 --> 00:56:07,878
Bon vivant bouillabaisse,
1487
00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:10,112
cul de sac, les serve
chicken cordon bleu.
1488
00:56:10,114 --> 00:56:11,915
Formidable
Baton Rouge.
1489
00:56:11,917 --> 00:56:14,184
No bles or blis, o bon
pain Château Marmont?
1490
00:56:14,186 --> 00:56:16,152
- Croque monsieur?
- Croque madame!
1491
00:56:16,154 --> 00:56:17,221
(SCOFFS) Non!
1492
00:56:17,223 --> 00:56:18,355
Est stupid!
1493
00:56:18,357 --> 00:56:20,523
Frère Jacques, Grey
Poupon, Marquis de Sade,
1494
00:56:20,525 --> 00:56:21,724
tourette whoop!
1495
00:56:21,726 --> 00:56:23,893
Feather duster, croissant,
Les Miserables,
1496
00:56:23,895 --> 00:56:26,161
fart catcher,
Luc Robitaille, D'artagnan,
1497
00:56:26,163 --> 00:56:28,831
Perrier, Fran Tarkenton,
peanut butter parfait.
1498
00:56:28,833 --> 00:56:29,933
Eau de toilette!
1499
00:56:29,935 --> 00:56:31,302
(IMITATES MOCKINGLY)
1500
00:56:31,304 --> 00:56:32,902
Officers? I'm sorry.
1501
00:56:32,904 --> 00:56:34,371
You're, you're obviously in...
1502
00:56:34,373 --> 00:56:35,672
No, no, no, no, no.
1503
00:56:35,674 --> 00:56:38,775
I must apologize, uh,
for me and my partner.
1504
00:56:38,777 --> 00:56:40,177
We should not fight.
1505
00:56:40,179 --> 00:56:42,277
To argue is no way
to go through the life.
1506
00:56:42,279 --> 00:56:43,279
I know.
1507
00:56:43,281 --> 00:56:45,449
- Do you know the key to life?
- What's that?
1508
00:56:45,451 --> 00:56:47,753
The key to life is a...
1509
00:56:48,386 --> 00:56:50,954
a penis in your asshole.
1510
00:56:50,956 --> 00:56:53,223
I beg your pardon, sir!
1511
00:56:53,225 --> 00:56:55,458
I think you must be
saying that wrong!
1512
00:56:55,460 --> 00:57:00,130
No, no, no. The key to life
is a penis in your asshole.
1513
00:57:00,132 --> 00:57:02,666
I don't think you're saying
what you mean to say.
1514
00:57:02,668 --> 00:57:03,866
Oui! Oui! Oui!
1515
00:57:03,868 --> 00:57:05,101
A penis. A penis.
1516
00:57:05,103 --> 00:57:08,174
You know, eh, eh, to smile.
To be happy.
1517
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:10,007
Oh!
1518
00:57:10,009 --> 00:57:12,241
- "Happiness!"
- (ALL CHUCKLE)
1519
00:57:12,243 --> 00:57:13,744
Honey! It's...
1520
00:57:13,746 --> 00:57:15,179
Okay.
1521
00:57:15,181 --> 00:57:16,816
In your asshole.
1522
00:57:17,482 --> 00:57:18,581
That's...
1523
00:57:18,583 --> 00:57:20,849
Your asshole.
Eh, where you live.
1524
00:57:20,851 --> 00:57:23,520
Your apartment,
your domicile.
1525
00:57:23,522 --> 00:57:24,920
Your house.
1526
00:57:24,922 --> 00:57:26,290
- "Household!"
- Ah!
1527
00:57:26,292 --> 00:57:29,759
"The key to life is happiness
in your household!"
1528
00:57:29,761 --> 00:57:32,295
Oui, the key to life is
"a penis in your asshole"!
1529
00:57:32,297 --> 00:57:34,264
- Oh!
- I'm trying to tell her that.
1530
00:57:34,266 --> 00:57:36,002
(ALL LAUGHING)
1531
00:57:38,670 --> 00:57:40,237
What you think I say?
1532
00:57:40,239 --> 00:57:41,704
Oh, I don't even
want to tell you.
1533
00:57:41,706 --> 00:57:43,607
Maybe they'll get
a kick out of it.
1534
00:57:43,609 --> 00:57:45,409
We thought that you said,
1535
00:57:45,411 --> 00:57:50,346
that the key to life
is a penis in your asshole.
1536
00:57:50,348 --> 00:57:52,315
Sacrebleu, non!
1537
00:57:52,317 --> 00:57:54,717
You Americans think
everyone want to fuck you!
1538
00:57:54,719 --> 00:57:56,686
No one want to fuck you!
1539
00:57:56,688 --> 00:57:58,087
Merde!
1540
00:57:58,089 --> 00:58:00,225
Here is your party papers!
1541
00:58:00,958 --> 00:58:03,326
I thought Canadians were nice.
1542
00:58:03,328 --> 00:58:05,661
THORNY: Whoa! Whoa! Wait for me.
Okay.
1543
00:58:05,663 --> 00:58:06,829
(LAUGHTER)
1544
00:58:06,831 --> 00:58:07,998
I was thinking
we could do like
1545
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,266
a "Who's on First?" pullover.
1546
00:58:09,268 --> 00:58:11,936
"Rabbit and Fostello."
You know, old-time comedy.
1547
00:58:11,938 --> 00:58:13,139
- Love it.
- Ooh.
1548
00:58:16,007 --> 00:58:18,342
- How are they back so quick?
- Shit! Shit, shit, shit!
1549
00:58:18,344 --> 00:58:19,378
- Shit!
- Go, go, go, go!
1550
00:58:27,853 --> 00:58:29,619
There are these
son-of-a-bitch guys, eh!
1551
00:58:29,621 --> 00:58:31,355
Stomp you a new mudhole!
1552
00:58:31,357 --> 00:58:32,288
O'HAGAN: Whoa, whoa!
1553
00:58:32,290 --> 00:58:34,123
What the hell happened
to you guys?
1554
00:58:34,125 --> 00:58:35,992
They dump us in the woods!
1555
00:58:35,994 --> 00:58:37,828
What?! Why would we do that?
We're the police.
1556
00:58:37,830 --> 00:58:39,262
Too bad for you
my dad dropped me in the woods
1557
00:58:39,264 --> 00:58:41,431
- naked every summer!
- Hah?
1558
00:58:41,433 --> 00:58:42,831
Oh, sounds too bad for you.
1559
00:58:42,833 --> 00:58:44,735
Come on. You know you do this.
Look at us.
1560
00:58:44,737 --> 00:58:47,103
We are paint all red,
white and blue.
1561
00:58:47,105 --> 00:58:48,771
Aren't those the colors
of the French flag?
1562
00:58:48,773 --> 00:58:50,907
(SPUTTERS) Oh, the
color the French flag.
1563
00:58:50,909 --> 00:58:52,041
Perhaps the guys
who did this were British.
1564
00:58:52,043 --> 00:58:53,576
Could've been Costa Rican.
1565
00:58:53,578 --> 00:58:55,311
Who wants breakfast burritos?
1566
00:58:55,313 --> 00:58:57,614
- (SPEAKS FRENCH)
- (EXCLAIMING)
1567
00:58:57,616 --> 00:58:58,482
Take that off
or I'll kill you.
1568
00:58:58,484 --> 00:59:00,016
Let's settle this
the Canadian way!
1569
00:59:00,018 --> 00:59:01,284
You're in America now!
1570
00:59:01,286 --> 00:59:03,554
(CLAMORING)
1571
00:59:03,556 --> 00:59:06,056
Hey! What's going on here?
1572
00:59:06,058 --> 00:59:08,425
Great Tim Horton's ghost!
1573
00:59:08,427 --> 00:59:10,293
First, I get a call
that the Mounties
1574
00:59:10,295 --> 00:59:12,228
are out farting sideways
on the highways.
1575
00:59:12,230 --> 00:59:13,864
Then I get a call
to come down here.
1576
00:59:13,866 --> 00:59:15,065
BELLEFUILLE:
Oh, it wasn't us!
1577
00:59:15,067 --> 00:59:17,067
These fucking guys,
they kidnap us
1578
00:59:17,069 --> 00:59:18,500
and they leave us
in the woods to die.
1579
00:59:18,502 --> 00:59:21,570
Yeah, then they steal
all three of our uniform, eh.
1580
00:59:21,572 --> 00:59:24,340
These guys put a bear in our station!
A real bear. Big bear!
1581
00:59:24,342 --> 00:59:26,842
You don't have
any proof of that.
1582
00:59:26,844 --> 00:59:27,976
A real bear?
1583
00:59:27,978 --> 00:59:30,848
Maybe. And maybe
they deserve a bear!
1584
00:59:30,850 --> 00:59:32,181
- (CLAMORING)
- Nobody deserves a bear!
1585
00:59:32,183 --> 00:59:33,784
I give a bear to you!
1586
00:59:33,786 --> 00:59:35,655
- We could have been eaten!
- (LAUGHING)
1587
00:59:37,922 --> 00:59:40,223
Why you laughing, Guy?
1588
00:59:40,225 --> 00:59:43,994
Fellas, you are thinking
about this all wrong, eh?
1589
00:59:43,996 --> 00:59:47,266
These guys?
They impersonated officers.
1590
00:59:48,366 --> 00:59:51,099
There is no way they're
holding onto their jobs.
1591
00:59:51,101 --> 00:59:53,469
And I'll do you one better.
1592
00:59:53,471 --> 00:59:56,706
When I get done talking to my
good friend Justin Trudeau...
1593
00:59:56,708 --> 00:59:58,108
Eh, the Prime Minister!
1594
00:59:58,110 --> 00:59:59,842
I bet you this
whole turnover thing
1595
00:59:59,844 --> 01:00:01,210
goes right out the window.
1596
01:00:01,212 --> 01:00:02,378
Boom!
1597
01:00:02,380 --> 01:00:04,848
So, boys, unpack your bags.
Revive those cable bundles.
1598
01:00:04,850 --> 01:00:06,549
'Cause you are
not going anywhere.
1599
01:00:06,551 --> 01:00:08,717
I say we celebrate. What are
we having for breakfast?
1600
01:00:08,719 --> 01:00:10,887
- Pancake.
- Pancake, yeah?
1601
01:00:10,889 --> 01:00:12,389
All right.
Oatmeal and raisins it is.
1602
01:00:12,391 --> 01:00:14,456
- Oh.
- Kidding. It's pancakes.
1603
01:00:14,458 --> 01:00:17,561
Eh, pancake! Maybe two eggs
side by each, eh?
1604
01:00:17,563 --> 01:00:18,728
I don't want this oatmeal.
1605
01:00:18,730 --> 01:00:20,967
BELLEFUILLE: Maybe you put the
raisins inside the pancake.
1606
01:00:21,866 --> 01:00:23,366
Genevieve, wait.
1607
01:00:23,368 --> 01:00:25,634
You brought this
on yourselves.
1608
01:00:25,636 --> 01:00:27,105
They put a bear...
1609
01:00:28,940 --> 01:00:31,007
This is bad, fellas.
1610
01:00:31,009 --> 01:00:34,244
This is "Fred Savage
Ridin'-Along Incident" bad.
1611
01:00:34,246 --> 01:00:35,779
Tell that to Fred Savage.
1612
01:00:35,781 --> 01:00:38,348
Well, no sense in having
good breakfast go to waste.
1613
01:00:38,350 --> 01:00:39,715
- I've lost my appetite.
- I'm sorry, man.
1614
01:00:39,717 --> 01:00:41,351
- I'm just not hungry.
- (CHUCKLES AND STAMMERS)
1615
01:00:41,353 --> 01:00:43,319
You try to do something
nice for people,
1616
01:00:43,321 --> 01:00:45,725
and then it just,
I just, you know.
1617
01:00:46,458 --> 01:00:48,226
What's the point?
1618
01:00:49,194 --> 01:00:52,362
Stop taking
female hormones!
1619
01:00:52,364 --> 01:00:53,630
♪ Makin' money ♪
1620
01:00:53,632 --> 01:00:55,065
♪ Makin' dollars,
makin' money ♪
1621
01:00:55,067 --> 01:00:56,433
MAC: Can we
please come in, Cap?
1622
01:00:56,435 --> 01:00:58,835
- He's taking years off my life.
- (BURPING)
1623
01:00:58,837 --> 01:01:00,402
O'HAGAN:
Just the bad years, kid.
1624
01:01:00,404 --> 01:01:02,471
- I'm serious, Cap. I'm about to snap like a dry twig.
- (BURPS)
1625
01:01:02,473 --> 01:01:05,175
Things are still pretty dicey here.
Best keep Farva away.
1626
01:01:05,177 --> 01:01:07,344
We'll let you know
when the coast is clear.
1627
01:01:07,346 --> 01:01:09,415
(MUSIC PLAYING
ON EARPHONES)
1628
01:01:10,449 --> 01:01:12,648
(LOUDLY) Have you
heard the new Kanye?
1629
01:01:12,650 --> 01:01:15,552
He's not just about big butts!
He's a really good singer.
1630
01:01:15,554 --> 01:01:16,719
(FARVA CHEWING LOUDLY)
1631
01:01:16,721 --> 01:01:20,324
This is great. It's like
being on the road again.
1632
01:01:20,326 --> 01:01:22,858
I like to chew mint gum
when I'm on the road.
1633
01:01:22,860 --> 01:01:24,226
When I'm radio, it's fruit.
1634
01:01:24,228 --> 01:01:27,498
You know, like Juicy Fruit,
Bubblicious, Hubba Bubba.
1635
01:01:27,500 --> 01:01:29,065
Anything fruity.
1636
01:01:29,067 --> 01:01:30,333
On the road,
I like mint, though.
1637
01:01:30,335 --> 01:01:32,835
Mint, mint, mint, mint, mint.
1638
01:01:32,837 --> 01:01:34,536
And Beech-Nut,
have you tried that?
1639
01:01:34,538 --> 01:01:36,273
They should call it
"Beech-Not!" (CHUCKLES)
1640
01:01:36,275 --> 01:01:38,907
Oh, shit, I'm gonna
write that down.
1641
01:01:38,909 --> 01:01:40,809
What kind of gum do you chew?
1642
01:01:40,811 --> 01:01:42,281
They should make
a black mint gum.
1643
01:01:42,947 --> 01:01:44,114
That would be choice.
1644
01:01:44,116 --> 01:01:46,315
They could call it
"Minty Black".
1645
01:01:46,317 --> 01:01:47,884
Yeah, I'm gonna
write that down too.
1646
01:01:47,886 --> 01:01:49,753
- No one would buy that.
- What?
1647
01:01:49,755 --> 01:01:51,223
No one would buy
that stupid gum.
1648
01:01:53,991 --> 01:01:55,058
(UNZIPS)
1649
01:01:55,060 --> 01:01:56,159
- Bullshit.
- (URINATING)
1650
01:01:56,161 --> 01:01:58,962
They'd buy it
if it was on Friends.
1651
01:01:58,964 --> 01:02:00,197
Like if Ross
or Rachel chewed it,
1652
01:02:00,199 --> 01:02:01,598
it'd sell like hotcakes.
1653
01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:02,933
Are you a mutant?
1654
01:02:02,935 --> 01:02:04,867
You follow me out here while I'm
pissing just to tell me this shit?
1655
01:02:04,869 --> 01:02:06,235
Quit looking at my dick.
1656
01:02:06,237 --> 01:02:07,469
I'm not looking at your dick.
We're taking a piss.
1657
01:02:07,471 --> 01:02:09,139
- So, piss.
- I don't have to go.
1658
01:02:09,141 --> 01:02:11,641
(ENGINE ROARING)
1659
01:02:11,643 --> 01:02:13,844
I'll fuck that Canadian
right in his back bacon!
1660
01:02:13,846 --> 01:02:14,847
Rod! Rod!
1661
01:02:16,014 --> 01:02:18,382
(GRUNTING)
1662
01:02:18,384 --> 01:02:20,384
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah!
- Farva!
1663
01:02:20,386 --> 01:02:22,487
- (SIREN WAILING)
- Farva!
1664
01:02:23,587 --> 01:02:24,788
Farva!
1665
01:02:24,790 --> 01:02:26,292
(TIRES SCREECH)
1666
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:30,428
Dumb fuck.
1667
01:02:30,895 --> 01:02:32,697
(ALARM BEEPING)
1668
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:36,635
- Unbelievable.
- (BEEPING STOPS)
1669
01:02:37,603 --> 01:02:39,703
Who pops an airbag?
1670
01:02:39,705 --> 01:02:41,507
God. You weigh a ton.
1671
01:02:44,877 --> 01:02:47,179
You gotta be shitting me.
Don't die on me, Farva.
1672
01:02:49,081 --> 01:02:50,416
Okay. You can do it.
1673
01:03:00,793 --> 01:03:02,294
(MAC GAGS)
1674
01:03:06,531 --> 01:03:07,565
Oh! Fuck!
1675
01:03:08,032 --> 01:03:09,132
From upside down,
1676
01:03:09,134 --> 01:03:11,201
your mustache looks
like a big hairy smile.
1677
01:03:11,203 --> 01:03:12,436
Why would you
give me the Shocker?
1678
01:03:12,438 --> 01:03:15,304
My way of saying, "Thanks,
honey. You saved my life."
1679
01:03:15,306 --> 01:03:17,306
I was dead. I went to Heaven.
1680
01:03:17,308 --> 01:03:18,574
And you were there.
1681
01:03:18,576 --> 01:03:20,944
- You know what you were doing?
- What?
1682
01:03:20,946 --> 01:03:24,148
Trying to make out with me,
sweetheart! I'm on to you.
1683
01:03:24,150 --> 01:03:26,717
(CHUCKLES) Come here.
Give me some more of that.
1684
01:03:26,719 --> 01:03:27,817
(MAKES KISSING NOISES)
1685
01:03:27,819 --> 01:03:28,888
What the hell is that?
1686
01:03:30,723 --> 01:03:32,224
(FARVA GROANS)
1687
01:03:35,793 --> 01:03:37,629
Well, hello, Laverne!
1688
01:03:38,397 --> 01:03:39,829
Looks like the same stuff.
1689
01:03:39,831 --> 01:03:41,766
Yeah, but a shit-ton
more of it.
1690
01:03:43,802 --> 01:03:45,567
Holy Hindu holidays.
1691
01:03:45,569 --> 01:03:47,238
There's a new guest
at the party.
1692
01:03:48,206 --> 01:03:50,176
AK-47s.
1693
01:03:54,612 --> 01:03:55,545
RABBIT:
Hey.
1694
01:03:55,547 --> 01:03:57,279
Oh, no, I don't
want to hear it, Rabbit.
1695
01:03:57,281 --> 01:03:59,081
Genevieve,
could I just explain?
1696
01:03:59,083 --> 01:04:00,817
There is nothing to explain.
1697
01:04:00,819 --> 01:04:02,585
They put bears
in our station.
1698
01:04:02,587 --> 01:04:03,820
This is Canada!
1699
01:04:03,822 --> 01:04:05,420
There are bears everywhere.
1700
01:04:05,422 --> 01:04:06,822
There are bears that
go through
1701
01:04:06,824 --> 01:04:07,824
my garbage every night.
1702
01:04:07,826 --> 01:04:10,559
I have cereal
with bears in it: Bearios.
1703
01:04:10,561 --> 01:04:12,628
Canada's most
popular breakfast.
1704
01:04:12,630 --> 01:04:14,130
LALOUSH:
Someone say "Bearios"?
1705
01:04:14,132 --> 01:04:17,300
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Hey there, Genny.
Wanna grab some eats?
1706
01:04:17,302 --> 01:04:18,668
No, thanks.
1707
01:04:18,670 --> 01:04:22,070
Turn that into a maybe
and I'll have your baby.
1708
01:04:22,072 --> 01:04:23,275
(CHUCKLES)
1709
01:04:24,076 --> 01:04:25,641
Lonnie Laloush?
1710
01:04:25,643 --> 01:04:28,478
That's mon nom.
Don't wear it out, eh?
1711
01:04:28,480 --> 01:04:31,114
You want a hot coffee?
I'm pouring.
1712
01:04:31,116 --> 01:04:33,183
Oui, s'il te plait.
1713
01:04:33,185 --> 01:04:34,851
Seems like a real
"dickwa-duh", huh?
1714
01:04:34,853 --> 01:04:38,221
I told everyone
how wonderful you all are.
1715
01:04:38,223 --> 01:04:41,456
Well, you're not.
You have bad hearts.
1716
01:04:41,458 --> 01:04:42,828
Who wants crème fraiche?
1717
01:04:43,828 --> 01:04:44,962
Nobody?
1718
01:04:44,964 --> 01:04:46,295
(CHEWING LOUDLY)
1719
01:04:46,297 --> 01:04:48,399
Okay, no crème fraiche!
1720
01:04:49,400 --> 01:04:51,233
- Please just go.
- Genevieve...
1721
01:04:51,235 --> 01:04:52,770
Just go.
1722
01:04:58,210 --> 01:04:59,778
(GUNS FIRING)
1723
01:05:02,181 --> 01:05:05,449
They're actually AK-48s.
Illegal in the U.S.
1724
01:05:05,451 --> 01:05:06,581
THORNY:
Why 48?
1725
01:05:06,583 --> 01:05:09,819
Because they hold
one extra bullet.
1726
01:05:09,821 --> 01:05:10,686
Yeah, sure. You never know
1727
01:05:10,688 --> 01:05:12,221
when you're gonna
need just one more.
1728
01:05:12,223 --> 01:05:13,590
This one says "Tiger Penis".
1729
01:05:13,592 --> 01:05:14,724
Suck it!
1730
01:05:14,726 --> 01:05:15,558
Shut up, Farva.
1731
01:05:15,560 --> 01:05:17,393
The Chinese use it
to get hard-ons.
1732
01:05:17,395 --> 01:05:18,762
I tried to get it once.
1733
01:05:18,764 --> 01:05:20,332
- You can't buy it in the United States.
- (SCOFFS)
1734
01:05:22,299 --> 01:05:24,067
Dude, what's up
with your mustache?
1735
01:05:24,069 --> 01:05:25,271
Nothing.
1736
01:05:27,371 --> 01:05:29,105
- Are you wearing a mustache wig?
- No!
1737
01:05:29,107 --> 01:05:31,407
It's a postiche, okay?
I'm having a little hair loss.
1738
01:05:31,409 --> 01:05:32,476
Don't worry about it.
1739
01:05:32,478 --> 01:05:34,710
Worry about your
own goddamn mustache.
1740
01:05:34,712 --> 01:05:35,878
Fuckin' asshole.
1741
01:05:35,880 --> 01:05:37,947
Hey, Mac tell you guys
about our little moment?
1742
01:05:37,949 --> 01:05:39,715
Did you, Mac and Cheese?
1743
01:05:39,717 --> 01:05:42,085
You told us, Farva.
I don't want to hear it again.
1744
01:05:42,087 --> 01:05:43,485
I'm the Cheese.
1745
01:05:43,487 --> 01:05:44,587
THORNY:
All right, look, guys.
1746
01:05:44,589 --> 01:05:46,054
I know we're
in some serious shit here,
1747
01:05:46,056 --> 01:05:47,290
but if we can crack this case,
1748
01:05:47,292 --> 01:05:48,525
we might just be able to get
1749
01:05:48,527 --> 01:05:49,893
beyond this
whole Mountie thing.
1750
01:05:49,895 --> 01:05:51,226
We didn't do anything.
1751
01:05:51,228 --> 01:05:52,429
Foster, we kidnapped
and impersonated
1752
01:05:52,431 --> 01:05:53,866
officers of
a sovereign nation.
1753
01:05:54,299 --> 01:05:55,565
Right.
1754
01:05:55,567 --> 01:05:58,567
Cuban cigars, Canadian pills,
counterfeit cell phones,
1755
01:05:58,569 --> 01:06:00,235
AK-48s and Tiger Penis.
1756
01:06:00,237 --> 01:06:01,971
What's the link?
1757
01:06:01,973 --> 01:06:04,773
All this stuff is
more valuable in the U.S.
1758
01:06:04,775 --> 01:06:05,708
than in Canada.
1759
01:06:05,710 --> 01:06:07,110
So, it's
a smuggling operation.
1760
01:06:07,112 --> 01:06:09,011
Someone's trying to move
this shit over the border.
1761
01:06:09,013 --> 01:06:10,049
No, they're not.
1762
01:06:11,016 --> 01:06:12,148
Think about it.
1763
01:06:12,150 --> 01:06:13,782
This stuff is just sitting on
Canadian land. Yeah. Okay.
1764
01:06:13,784 --> 01:06:16,085
But what happens
when this Canadian land
1765
01:06:16,087 --> 01:06:17,654
becomes American land?
1766
01:06:17,656 --> 01:06:21,324
No need to move it at all.
It's already on U.S. soil.
1767
01:06:21,326 --> 01:06:22,724
Exactly, huh?
1768
01:06:22,726 --> 01:06:25,529
Passive smuggling. (CHUCKLES)
It's my kind of crime.
1769
01:06:25,531 --> 01:06:28,163
So, they must have this shit
stashed all along the border.
1770
01:06:28,165 --> 01:06:29,800
Yeah. But who is "they"?
1771
01:06:29,802 --> 01:06:31,333
Who "are" they.
1772
01:06:31,335 --> 01:06:32,434
FOSTER: Hey, look,
I said this earlier
1773
01:06:32,436 --> 01:06:33,835
and you guys laughed at me.
1774
01:06:33,837 --> 01:06:37,040
But I think it's the Mounties.
They are shit people. Okay?
1775
01:06:37,042 --> 01:06:39,007
And they smoke Cubans cigars.
We've seen that.
1776
01:06:39,009 --> 01:06:41,043
They're getting transferred
to God knows where.
1777
01:06:41,045 --> 01:06:42,244
I mean, what
do they have to lose?
1778
01:06:42,246 --> 01:06:45,614
I am starting to agree with
Sherlock McSerpico over here.
1779
01:06:45,616 --> 01:06:47,049
- (CLAP ECHOES)
- Ooh!
1780
01:06:47,051 --> 01:06:48,751
I'm telling you, fellas.
1781
01:06:48,753 --> 01:06:50,619
In my experience,
it's always the local cops.
1782
01:06:50,621 --> 01:06:52,621
What would you guys give me
if I kill that bird?
1783
01:06:52,623 --> 01:06:54,257
Farva, that's a Bald Eagle!
1784
01:06:54,259 --> 01:06:55,391
Get a wig, baldy!
1785
01:06:55,393 --> 01:06:58,393
(GUN FIRING)
1786
01:06:58,395 --> 01:07:00,130
- Yeah!
- (EAGLE CAWING)
1787
01:07:00,132 --> 01:07:01,530
Put the goddamn gun down.
1788
01:07:01,532 --> 01:07:03,632
- What?
- (EAGLE SCREECHES, WHIMPERS)
1789
01:07:03,634 --> 01:07:06,235
Oh, booyah!
Guys, what do I win?
1790
01:07:06,237 --> 01:07:08,204
A one-way ticket to hell.
1791
01:07:08,206 --> 01:07:10,376
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1792
01:07:12,444 --> 01:07:13,509
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
1793
01:07:13,511 --> 01:07:15,578
This place wishes
it was Shenanigans.
1794
01:07:15,580 --> 01:07:17,014
Welcome to Chicanery's, eh!
1795
01:07:17,616 --> 01:07:18,748
Can I get you a booth?
1796
01:07:18,750 --> 01:07:21,183
Uh, no. We're meeting
somebody here.
1797
01:07:21,185 --> 01:07:22,351
Oh, yeah, there he is.
1798
01:07:22,353 --> 01:07:24,786
♪ I'll pay the rent ♪
1799
01:07:24,788 --> 01:07:27,858
- Cap!
- ♪ God knows I've done you wrong ♪
1800
01:07:27,860 --> 01:07:29,724
MAC: Chief, we've been
looking all over for you.
1801
01:07:29,726 --> 01:07:31,360
Cap, Cap, Cap, I think
we've figured it out!
1802
01:07:31,362 --> 01:07:33,395
- ♪ Do you re... ♪
- Chief. I think we cracked the thing.
1803
01:07:33,397 --> 01:07:35,232
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1804
01:07:35,234 --> 01:07:36,364
I've been waiting
here for an hour.
1805
01:07:36,366 --> 01:07:37,701
I think you're gonna
want to know this.
1806
01:07:37,703 --> 01:07:39,503
- This is my song.
- I know, but listen, I think we...
1807
01:07:39,505 --> 01:07:41,337
- I'm singing here. Sit the fuck down.
- No, no, no.
1808
01:07:41,339 --> 01:07:42,505
I'm singing here.
1809
01:07:42,507 --> 01:07:44,409
I'm singing here.
Sit the fuck down!
1810
01:07:47,212 --> 01:07:52,715
♪ Bill Bailey, won't you
please come home ♪
1811
01:07:52,717 --> 01:07:54,284
What can I get for you guys?
1812
01:07:54,286 --> 01:07:56,886
Maybe a cold beer?
Liter of cola?
1813
01:07:56,888 --> 01:07:58,087
What did you say?
1814
01:07:58,089 --> 01:07:59,221
Do you want a liter of cola?
1815
01:07:59,223 --> 01:08:00,590
You have that here?
1816
01:08:00,592 --> 01:08:02,025
Yeah, we got
the Decaliter Delight.
1817
01:08:02,027 --> 01:08:04,326
You get a punch card, you
rack up ten liters of cola,
1818
01:08:04,328 --> 01:08:05,494
get yourself a free dessert.
1819
01:08:05,496 --> 01:08:07,199
Bring them all.
Bring them all right now.
1820
01:08:08,465 --> 01:08:10,166
Bring all ten liters
and the punch card.
1821
01:08:10,168 --> 01:08:11,203
I want it all right now.
1822
01:08:13,337 --> 01:08:14,404
Come on.
1823
01:08:14,406 --> 01:08:15,938
Canada's pretty awesome.
1824
01:08:15,940 --> 01:08:18,140
- Boop boop.
- Uh, don't do that.
1825
01:08:18,142 --> 01:08:20,879
- Boop beep boo boop beep.
- (STUTTERS) Cut the crap.
1826
01:08:27,451 --> 01:08:29,551
- Genevieve?
- (SIGHS)
1827
01:08:29,553 --> 01:08:32,956
I feel terrible
about what I said to you.
1828
01:08:32,958 --> 01:08:34,991
I know I overreacted.
1829
01:08:34,993 --> 01:08:38,461
It's just the town is so upset
about the turnover.
1830
01:08:38,463 --> 01:08:39,528
Sure.
1831
01:08:39,530 --> 01:08:41,630
Anyway,
you are not a bad person.
1832
01:08:41,632 --> 01:08:43,433
Even if you are American.
1833
01:08:43,435 --> 01:08:44,801
(LAUGHS)
1834
01:08:44,803 --> 01:08:46,536
Well, I've actually been
working on that for you.
1835
01:08:46,538 --> 01:08:47,670
- For me?
- Yeah.
1836
01:08:47,672 --> 01:08:50,306
Moosehead. Canadian beer.
1837
01:08:50,308 --> 01:08:52,375
Beaver chili.
Très Canadien.
1838
01:08:52,377 --> 01:08:53,542
(LAUGHS)
1839
01:08:53,544 --> 01:08:55,747
And I've been working
on my French too.
1840
01:08:56,647 --> 01:08:58,415
- (ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING)
- (GASPS)
1841
01:08:58,417 --> 01:09:01,083
Oh, I love this song!
1842
01:09:01,085 --> 01:09:05,220
Oh, it reminds me of summers
on Etang de la Soupe Aux Pois.
1843
01:09:05,222 --> 01:09:07,124
(SINGING ALONG IN FRENCH)
1844
01:09:19,504 --> 01:09:22,305
Wow! That's very good.
1845
01:09:22,307 --> 01:09:24,506
Oh, I wouldn't say that, but,
1846
01:09:24,508 --> 01:09:25,774
I don't even know
what it means.
1847
01:09:25,776 --> 01:09:29,514
It's a sad song about
the Nazi Occupation of France.
1848
01:09:30,848 --> 01:09:32,180
Oh.
1849
01:09:32,182 --> 01:09:33,416
I'm sorry. I...
1850
01:09:33,418 --> 01:09:34,649
No. No, no.
1851
01:09:34,651 --> 01:09:36,286
It's about two lovers
1852
01:09:36,288 --> 01:09:39,622
trapped in a war
that neither wanted,
1853
01:09:39,624 --> 01:09:42,661
but they love
each other anyway.
1854
01:09:43,227 --> 01:09:44,394
Oh.
1855
01:09:44,396 --> 01:09:46,732
So much better. (CHUCKLES)
1856
01:09:49,200 --> 01:09:50,903
(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)
1857
01:09:59,576 --> 01:10:01,178
- Is this really happening?
- Oh, yes.
1858
01:10:03,013 --> 01:10:04,246
I love it.
1859
01:10:04,248 --> 01:10:05,715
(GENEVIEVE MOANING)
1860
01:10:05,717 --> 01:10:06,849
Wait, wait, wait.
1861
01:10:06,851 --> 01:10:08,951
- Where is the fat one's desk?
- Right there.
1862
01:10:08,953 --> 01:10:10,118
Okay.
1863
01:10:10,120 --> 01:10:11,453
You don't know his name?
1864
01:10:11,455 --> 01:10:12,889
Flarvla.
1865
01:10:12,891 --> 01:10:14,826
(CHUCKLES)
I smell a new nickname.
1866
01:10:15,526 --> 01:10:17,094
Guess we hurry.
1867
01:10:23,801 --> 01:10:25,900
Passive smuggling?
It's brilliant.
1868
01:10:25,902 --> 01:10:27,202
And it's gotta
be the Mounties.
1869
01:10:27,204 --> 01:10:28,104
- Why?
- (SLURPING)
1870
01:10:28,106 --> 01:10:30,105
'Cause it's always
the local cops.
1871
01:10:30,107 --> 01:10:31,172
Here's your punch card.
1872
01:10:31,174 --> 01:10:33,408
(PUNCHING)
1873
01:10:33,410 --> 01:10:35,644
Five, six, seven, eight.
1874
01:10:35,646 --> 01:10:37,980
Number nine. This is ten.
1875
01:10:37,982 --> 01:10:40,616
Technically, you have to drink
all ten to get the dessert.
1876
01:10:40,618 --> 01:10:41,684
Oh, you challenging me?
1877
01:10:41,686 --> 01:10:43,051
This will be gone
in three seconds.
1878
01:10:43,053 --> 01:10:45,055
I'll have
the butter tart yule log.
1879
01:10:45,057 --> 01:10:46,890
Come on. Chop-chop!
1880
01:10:46,892 --> 01:10:48,794
MAC:
Just do it, dude.
1881
01:10:51,161 --> 01:10:52,729
Canada!
1882
01:10:52,731 --> 01:10:54,029
And the beauty is,
1883
01:10:54,031 --> 01:10:55,698
there's nothing they can do
with all that contraband,
1884
01:10:55,700 --> 01:10:57,533
until this land
becomes America.
1885
01:10:57,535 --> 01:10:59,868
So all we have to do
is push back the turnover,
1886
01:10:59,870 --> 01:11:01,703
until we can find
the rest of the stuff.
1887
01:11:01,705 --> 01:11:02,971
O'HAGAN:
Well, you heard LeFranc.
1888
01:11:02,973 --> 01:11:04,940
Who knows what's gonna happen
with the turnover?
1889
01:11:04,942 --> 01:11:08,109
Whatever happens,
we gotta solve this case. Now.
1890
01:11:08,111 --> 01:11:10,079
Let's take another look
at that contraband.
1891
01:11:10,081 --> 01:11:12,547
- We may have missed something.
- (SLURPING)
1892
01:11:12,549 --> 01:11:15,217
Hold on! I didn't
get my free dessert.
1893
01:11:15,219 --> 01:11:16,284
Move it, Farva!
1894
01:11:16,286 --> 01:11:18,354
Come on! It's a fucki''
butter tart yule log!
1895
01:11:18,356 --> 01:11:20,523
O'HAGAN:
Let's go! Now!
1896
01:11:20,525 --> 01:11:21,759
Damn it.
1897
01:11:24,161 --> 01:11:25,894
Oh! Whoa! Watch it, pal.
1898
01:11:25,896 --> 01:11:28,032
Walk faster, finger blaster.
1899
01:11:32,303 --> 01:11:34,005
(BOTH EXHALE)
1900
01:11:38,743 --> 01:11:40,743
Son of a... Rabbit!
1901
01:11:40,745 --> 01:11:41,844
MAC:
Whoa!
1902
01:11:41,846 --> 01:11:43,845
Whoa!
The booty's gone!
1903
01:11:43,847 --> 01:11:45,249
Did they take
the Flova Scotia?
1904
01:11:46,383 --> 01:11:48,752
In addition to Rabbit!
1905
01:11:48,754 --> 01:11:50,952
Hold your bones.
Rabbit's car.
1906
01:11:50,954 --> 01:11:52,954
The dash cam! Look at this.
1907
01:11:52,956 --> 01:11:54,591
Ooh, you clever
little prick, you.
1908
01:11:54,593 --> 01:11:56,091
Prick? I'm tired
of these putdowns!
1909
01:11:56,093 --> 01:11:57,659
It's a compliment,
shithead.
1910
01:11:57,661 --> 01:12:00,031
Fuck you,
midget Burt Reynolds.
1911
01:12:01,833 --> 01:12:03,869
- Mm.
- Mm-mm.
1912
01:12:05,035 --> 01:12:07,269
MAC: (CHUCKLES)
Oh, a little ménage à two.
1913
01:12:07,271 --> 01:12:08,907
FARVA AND MAC: Mm.
1914
01:12:09,773 --> 01:12:11,474
- MAC: Ah.
- THORNY: Yeah, partner.
1915
01:12:11,476 --> 01:12:13,309
- (CHUCKLES)
- (HOWLS)
1916
01:12:13,311 --> 01:12:15,545
Can you believe she picked
Donnie Osmond over me?
1917
01:12:15,547 --> 01:12:17,712
- MAC: Yes.
- I mean, is anyone else shocked here?
1918
01:12:17,714 --> 01:12:19,081
- No.
- And on my desk?
1919
01:12:19,083 --> 01:12:21,516
O'HAGAN: Shut up, Farva.
This is serious.
1920
01:12:21,518 --> 01:12:23,485
- ALL: Whoa!
- What the fuck?
1921
01:12:23,487 --> 01:12:24,988
THORNY: Now how are
we gonna find them?
1922
01:12:24,990 --> 01:12:27,590
All those iPhones
had the same number.
1923
01:12:27,592 --> 01:12:29,591
Now, if we only
had a triangulator,
1924
01:12:29,593 --> 01:12:30,828
we could locate them.
1925
01:12:31,962 --> 01:12:34,863
Aha! Take that,
you bastards.
1926
01:12:34,865 --> 01:12:36,698
MAC: Those are the
phones right there.
1927
01:12:36,700 --> 01:12:37,935
Enhance.
1928
01:12:38,937 --> 01:12:40,536
All right,
but what is this place?
1929
01:12:40,538 --> 01:12:41,740
Enhance.
1930
01:12:43,374 --> 01:12:45,541
- Enhance.
- Okay, okay.
1931
01:12:45,543 --> 01:12:47,377
FOSTER:
"Sciere de la Vache."
1932
01:12:47,379 --> 01:12:49,511
All right, you guys speak
French, what does that mean?
1933
01:12:49,513 --> 01:12:53,049
(SMACKS LIPS) I don't
know what sciere means
1934
01:12:53,051 --> 01:12:55,085
and I also don't know
what vache means.
1935
01:12:55,087 --> 01:12:57,485
THORNY: So you really don't
understand anything?
1936
01:12:57,487 --> 01:12:58,822
Sciere de la Vache?
1937
01:12:58,824 --> 01:13:01,323
I believe it's
"The Scary Vase".
1938
01:13:01,325 --> 01:13:03,859
MAC: Yeah, yeah. Let's
see, sciere is "beetle".
1939
01:13:03,861 --> 01:13:05,927
- Beetle vase. No. Yes.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1940
01:13:05,929 --> 01:13:09,198
But la vache is "angry".
"Angry Beetle."
1941
01:13:09,200 --> 01:13:11,033
- Okay.
- Yeah. Angry Beetle, we think.
1942
01:13:11,035 --> 01:13:14,170
It's "The Sawmill of the Cow",
you idiots!
1943
01:13:14,172 --> 01:13:15,604
It's a sawmill!
1944
01:13:15,606 --> 01:13:18,640
- Why "Sawmill of the Cow"? No.
- It doesn't make any sense.
1945
01:13:18,642 --> 01:13:20,743
Let's go and give those
Canuckleheads
1946
01:13:20,745 --> 01:13:23,113
a good old-fashioned
red-white-and-blue,
1947
01:13:23,115 --> 01:13:24,212
fist-fucking!
1948
01:13:24,214 --> 01:13:25,417
- (ALL CHEERING)
- Yeah! Let's do it!
1949
01:13:27,585 --> 01:13:28,887
FARVA:
Shotgun! Shotgun! Shotgun!
1950
01:13:29,187 --> 01:13:30,188
Whoa!
1951
01:13:30,521 --> 01:13:31,720
Shit.
1952
01:13:31,722 --> 01:13:34,323
(SIRENS WAILING)
1953
01:13:34,325 --> 01:13:38,193
♪ You know you're always paying
for the shit that's free ♪
1954
01:13:38,195 --> 01:13:40,796
Hey, pull over.
I gotta take a pee-ahs.
1955
01:13:40,798 --> 01:13:42,234
Shouldn't have drank
all that soda.
1956
01:13:44,803 --> 01:13:46,034
You know, it just now
occurred to me,
1957
01:13:46,036 --> 01:13:47,670
you and I have never been
alone together before.
1958
01:13:47,672 --> 01:13:50,105
- Yeah, thank God.
- (SCOFFS)
1959
01:13:50,107 --> 01:13:52,875
Seriously. Have we ever had
a one-on-one conversation?
1960
01:13:52,877 --> 01:13:55,080
Why would we? You seem
like a pretty boring dude.
1961
01:13:56,681 --> 01:13:58,948
You still banging
that blonde cop, or...
1962
01:13:58,950 --> 01:14:02,351
♪ You say you want to finish,
but you never start ♪
1963
01:14:02,353 --> 01:14:05,119
♪ You want to get it finished
but you just try hard ♪
1964
01:14:05,121 --> 01:14:06,324
Where the hell
are they going?
1965
01:14:07,991 --> 01:14:09,158
(MUSIC CONTINUES
PLAYING ON RADIO)
1966
01:14:09,160 --> 01:14:11,293
That was the turn, back there.
1967
01:14:11,295 --> 01:14:13,328
Are you sure?
I don't think so.
1968
01:14:13,330 --> 01:14:15,430
Have you completely lost
your sense of direction?
1969
01:14:15,432 --> 01:14:18,000
Well, your yelling at me
certainly doesn't help!
1970
01:14:18,002 --> 01:14:19,467
Cap's right, Thorn.
That was the turn.
1971
01:14:19,469 --> 01:14:22,070
Shut up, Mr. Perfect.
1972
01:14:22,072 --> 01:14:24,342
- MAC AND O'HAGAN: Whoa!
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
1973
01:14:25,642 --> 01:14:29,011
♪ To broke to pay attention,
better get you some ♪
1974
01:14:29,013 --> 01:14:32,480
♪ When trouble's up,
I double up on bubble gum ♪
1975
01:14:32,482 --> 01:14:33,851
(MUSIC TURNS OFF)
1976
01:14:34,419 --> 01:14:35,487
(SIGHS)
1977
01:14:36,920 --> 01:14:38,490
- (SWITCH CLICKS)
- (ROCK MUSIC RESUMES)
1978
01:14:41,225 --> 01:14:42,725
I saw that!
1979
01:14:42,727 --> 01:14:44,092
Where are those
female sex pills?
1980
01:14:44,094 --> 01:14:45,027
Cap!
1981
01:14:45,029 --> 01:14:46,431
Give them me!
Give them me!
1982
01:14:52,969 --> 01:14:54,172
- Thank you.
- (SIGHS)
1983
01:15:09,187 --> 01:15:11,052
FOSTER: (WHISPERING)
No sign of Rabbit.
1984
01:15:11,054 --> 01:15:13,655
But I got two Mountie cars...
1985
01:15:13,657 --> 01:15:16,558
and our contraband.
1986
01:15:16,560 --> 01:15:17,629
Where the hell's Farva?
1987
01:15:19,829 --> 01:15:21,565
Ah. I got him.
1988
01:15:22,566 --> 01:15:24,132
(FARVA SNEEZES AND FARTS)
1989
01:15:24,134 --> 01:15:27,202
FOSTER: He's like a walking
hydrothermal explosion.
1990
01:15:27,204 --> 01:15:29,541
You want to see
some fartography?
1991
01:15:31,674 --> 01:15:32,808
I'm still gonna go back
1992
01:15:32,810 --> 01:15:34,346
and get that
butter tart yule log.
1993
01:15:35,279 --> 01:15:38,215
All right, boys.
Let's milk this cow.
1994
01:15:44,321 --> 01:15:45,822
(KEYS JANGLING)
1995
01:15:45,824 --> 01:15:47,055
PODEIN: I moved this
stuff the last time.
1996
01:15:47,057 --> 01:15:48,823
BELLEFUILLE: I don't
want to lift it either.
1997
01:15:48,825 --> 01:15:50,059
PODEIN:
You don't move anything.
1998
01:15:50,061 --> 01:15:52,330
You don't move your body,
you don't move boxes.
1999
01:15:54,031 --> 01:15:55,566
(WHISPERING)
One, two, three, go!
2000
01:16:00,105 --> 01:16:01,369
Alright freeze!
You're under arrest!
2001
01:16:01,371 --> 01:16:03,739
Bullshit, eh!
You're under arrest!
2002
01:16:03,741 --> 01:16:05,140
Bullshit,
you fucking smugglers!
2003
01:16:05,142 --> 01:16:07,042
We're not the smugglers!
You're the fucking smugglers.
2004
01:16:07,044 --> 01:16:08,109
We're not
the fucking smugglers!
2005
01:16:08,111 --> 01:16:09,177
You're the fucking smugglers!
2006
01:16:09,179 --> 01:16:10,679
O'HAGAN:
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
2007
01:16:10,681 --> 01:16:12,613
Everyone, lower your weapons!
2008
01:16:12,615 --> 01:16:13,582
Something's not right.
2009
01:16:13,584 --> 01:16:16,851
Wait, wait, wait.
The old-timey one is right.
2010
01:16:16,853 --> 01:16:18,690
Something doesn't add up here.
2011
01:16:19,690 --> 01:16:21,155
- (GROWLS)
- (GRUNTS)
2012
01:16:21,157 --> 01:16:23,326
- THORNY: Oh, shit!
- Die, you fucking smuggler!
2013
01:16:23,328 --> 01:16:24,726
O'HAGAN:
Farva, you idiot!
2014
01:16:24,728 --> 01:16:25,961
(CLAMORING)
2015
01:16:25,963 --> 01:16:27,997
Put the gun down!
Put the gun down!
2016
01:16:27,999 --> 01:16:29,532
Fuck you. Fuck you.
2017
01:16:29,534 --> 01:16:30,399
Put down the fuckin' gun!
2018
01:16:30,401 --> 01:16:32,702
Drop the gun,
I don't want to shoot!
2019
01:16:32,704 --> 01:16:34,269
You fuckin' Canadians!
2020
01:16:34,271 --> 01:16:35,337
Cool.
2021
01:16:35,339 --> 01:16:36,706
(BOTH WHIMPER)
2022
01:16:36,708 --> 01:16:38,176
What the fuck
are you guys doing?
2023
01:16:38,808 --> 01:16:40,244
(LIGHTS SWITCH ON)
2024
01:16:41,713 --> 01:16:44,046
GUY:
♪ Blinded by the light ♪
2025
01:16:44,048 --> 01:16:45,680
Apropos, right?
2026
01:16:45,682 --> 01:16:47,282
Go on, kill each other.
2027
01:16:47,284 --> 01:16:50,018
What ever happened to "Shoot
first and ask questions later"?
2028
01:16:50,020 --> 01:16:51,621
Uh, what the shit, Guy?
2029
01:16:51,623 --> 01:16:54,088
Why you tell us these guys
are the smuggler, huh?
2030
01:16:54,090 --> 01:16:55,625
Well, it's a lot smarter
than telling you
2031
01:16:55,627 --> 01:16:56,958
that I'm the smuggler.
2032
01:16:56,960 --> 01:16:59,127
What do you mean,
you're the smuggler?
2033
01:16:59,129 --> 01:17:01,829
I'm sorry, but what else
was I gonna do?
2034
01:17:01,831 --> 01:17:03,998
Being the mayor
of a small Canadian town
2035
01:17:04,000 --> 01:17:05,333
sounds romantic and cool.
2036
01:17:05,335 --> 01:17:07,168
Being the mayor
of a small American town
2037
01:17:07,170 --> 01:17:09,505
sounds like you're a loser.
For reals.
2038
01:17:09,507 --> 01:17:12,308
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- You got to admit it's a good scam.
2039
01:17:12,310 --> 01:17:13,842
All along the borderline.
2040
01:17:13,844 --> 01:17:15,144
But I never would've
thought that
2041
01:17:15,146 --> 01:17:17,246
the guys from
the Fred Savage incident,
2042
01:17:17,248 --> 01:17:19,181
would be the ones
to trip me up.
2043
01:17:19,183 --> 01:17:21,216
These are the cops
that killed Fred Savage?
2044
01:17:21,218 --> 01:17:22,417
Sadly.
2045
01:17:22,419 --> 01:17:27,055
But I will say, this little
rivalry between police forces,
2046
01:17:27,057 --> 01:17:29,158
is the perfect opportunity
to take you both out.
2047
01:17:29,160 --> 01:17:30,725
Well, now we're taking you in.
2048
01:17:30,727 --> 01:17:32,127
(CHUCKLES) I'm sorry.
2049
01:17:32,129 --> 01:17:34,262
But that's not the way
it's going to go.
2050
01:17:34,264 --> 01:17:36,301
Henri, if you
would be so kind.
2051
01:17:38,002 --> 01:17:39,702
- THORNY: No!
- MAC: Oh, Jesus.
2052
01:17:39,704 --> 01:17:42,503
- FARVA: Holy shit!
- And do pay attention to that man behind the curtain.
2053
01:17:42,505 --> 01:17:44,209
(MUFFLED WHIMPERING)
2054
01:17:47,478 --> 01:17:48,778
Your Rabbit
wasn't quick enough.
2055
01:17:48,780 --> 01:17:51,180
Maybe next time,
he'll hop a little faster, eh?
2056
01:17:51,182 --> 01:17:52,348
If anything happens to him,
2057
01:17:52,350 --> 01:17:54,382
I'm gonna fuck you
six ways to Sunday!
2058
01:17:54,384 --> 01:17:58,086
Jeez Louise. Now I know who
gobbled all my Flova Scotia.
2059
01:17:58,088 --> 01:17:59,488
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
2060
01:17:59,490 --> 01:18:01,823
So, drop your guns,
2061
01:18:01,825 --> 01:18:03,859
or the Rabbit
and his girlfriend
2062
01:18:03,861 --> 01:18:07,796
will multiply
in gruesome fashion.
2063
01:18:07,798 --> 01:18:08,799
I'm so sorry.
2064
01:18:10,133 --> 01:18:12,301
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
2065
01:18:12,303 --> 01:18:14,202
Let her go, Guy. She has
nothing to do with this!
2066
01:18:14,204 --> 01:18:15,904
Well, if they put
their guns down,
2067
01:18:15,906 --> 01:18:17,141
no harm will come to her.
2068
01:18:20,678 --> 01:18:21,679
Go on. Drop them.
2069
01:18:22,813 --> 01:18:24,648
(SOFTLY) Drop your guns.
Drop it.
2070
01:18:28,419 --> 01:18:30,255
GUY: Now get those
hands in the air.
2071
01:18:30,922 --> 01:18:32,123
Like you just don't care.
2072
01:18:34,592 --> 01:18:36,024
So, are you ready...
2073
01:18:36,026 --> 01:18:37,395
(STOMPS)
2074
01:18:39,864 --> 01:18:41,199
for the big twist?
2075
01:18:43,433 --> 01:18:44,632
(WHISTLES)
2076
01:18:44,634 --> 01:18:46,070
(SHUDDERING)
2077
01:18:49,840 --> 01:18:51,676
What the fuck?
2078
01:18:53,210 --> 01:18:55,346
What are you doing? What?
2079
01:18:56,213 --> 01:18:58,046
Shut the front door!
2080
01:18:58,048 --> 01:18:59,350
RABBIT:
Genevieve.
2081
01:19:00,150 --> 01:19:01,516
What's going on here?
2082
01:19:01,518 --> 01:19:03,252
He'll kill me.
Let me out of my chains.
2083
01:19:03,254 --> 01:19:05,653
What the fuck
took you so long, Guy?
2084
01:19:05,655 --> 01:19:08,256
First I have to have
his circumcised dick in me
2085
01:19:08,258 --> 01:19:10,058
and then you tie me
to this log?
2086
01:19:10,060 --> 01:19:12,129
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
2087
01:19:13,865 --> 01:19:16,267
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
2088
01:19:19,771 --> 01:19:21,202
Are you fucking
kidding me?
2089
01:19:21,204 --> 01:19:23,207
(BIDS GOOD-BYE IN FRENCH)
2090
01:19:23,973 --> 01:19:25,474
I hate you!
2091
01:19:25,476 --> 01:19:26,574
I hate you.
2092
01:19:26,576 --> 01:19:27,579
Shoot them.
2093
01:19:29,513 --> 01:19:30,645
Shoot them all.
2094
01:19:30,647 --> 01:19:31,815
With pleasure, boss.
2095
01:19:33,017 --> 01:19:34,183
FARVA:
Hold on!
2096
01:19:34,185 --> 01:19:38,086
If I'm going down,
I'm going down American!
2097
01:19:38,088 --> 01:19:42,358
♪ Oh say can you sing ♪
2098
01:19:42,360 --> 01:19:46,161
♪ By the dawn's early fight ♪
2099
01:19:46,163 --> 01:19:50,299
♪ What so loudly we sail ♪
2100
01:19:50,301 --> 01:19:54,202
♪ At the nightlife
on the street ♪
2101
01:19:54,204 --> 01:19:58,140
♪ And the red
rocking chair ♪
2102
01:19:58,142 --> 01:20:01,877
♪ The bombs gasping for air ♪
2103
01:20:01,879 --> 01:20:05,014
♪ Gave proof in the life ♪
2104
01:20:05,016 --> 01:20:06,518
All right,
enough with that song.
2105
01:20:07,852 --> 01:20:08,917
Shoot them.
2106
01:20:08,919 --> 01:20:10,355
- (GUNSHOTS)
- (GRUNTS)
2107
01:20:12,655 --> 01:20:14,391
(SCREAMING)
2108
01:20:17,061 --> 01:20:18,730
Hurry, it's about
to slice my johnson!
2109
01:20:23,767 --> 01:20:24,832
This is not happening.
2110
01:20:24,834 --> 01:20:27,172
♪ I got it right now,
but I don't feel it ♪
2111
01:20:29,173 --> 01:20:30,508
(WHIMPERING)
2112
01:20:31,909 --> 01:20:35,043
♪ ♪
2113
01:20:35,045 --> 01:20:36,313
(THORNY YELLING)
2114
01:20:38,581 --> 01:20:40,681
That was a hell
of a thing to do.
2115
01:20:40,683 --> 01:20:43,185
I guess my maternal
instinct is kicking in.
2116
01:20:43,187 --> 01:20:46,055
♪ Go real fast,
I think you got it right now ♪
2117
01:20:46,057 --> 01:20:47,588
- (BULLETS FIRING)
- La vache.
2118
01:20:47,590 --> 01:20:48,757
What?
2119
01:20:48,759 --> 01:20:49,793
Shoot the cow.
2120
01:20:50,727 --> 01:20:51,728
Ah!
2121
01:20:52,762 --> 01:20:58,402
♪ ♪
2122
01:20:59,468 --> 01:21:01,605
Damn it! I'm out of bullets!
2123
01:21:02,072 --> 01:21:03,338
I got one more!
2124
01:21:03,340 --> 01:21:04,542
Make it count!
2125
01:21:11,915 --> 01:21:13,250
Oh!
2126
01:21:13,651 --> 01:21:14,652
Ow.
2127
01:21:15,819 --> 01:21:17,351
(WHIMPERING)
2128
01:21:17,353 --> 01:21:19,454
- (GRUNTING)
- (CHEERING)
2129
01:21:19,456 --> 01:21:20,889
Gotta love that 48th bullet.
2130
01:21:20,891 --> 01:21:22,791
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
Drop it! Drop your weapon!
2131
01:21:22,793 --> 01:21:25,226
ARCHAMBAULT: Come on,
get up from the dirt.
2132
01:21:25,228 --> 01:21:27,695
(SCREAMING)
I'm about to get neutered!
2133
01:21:27,697 --> 01:21:28,796
Hang on!
2134
01:21:28,798 --> 01:21:30,532
Get this outta here!
2135
01:21:30,534 --> 01:21:32,704
(WHIMPERING)
Get me off this!
2136
01:21:34,271 --> 01:21:35,604
I don't think so.
2137
01:21:35,606 --> 01:21:40,009
Okay. Now you've lit the fuse
of the Halifax Explosion.
2138
01:21:40,011 --> 01:21:42,176
Yeah. In my day...
2139
01:21:42,178 --> 01:21:43,778
when your big boy teeth
came in,
2140
01:21:43,780 --> 01:21:46,148
your hockey coach
would pull them out...
2141
01:21:46,150 --> 01:21:47,416
so you wouldn't
miss a shift.
2142
01:21:47,418 --> 01:21:49,484
Yeah? In my country,
2143
01:21:49,486 --> 01:21:51,586
we let the Tooth Fairy
deal with that shit.
2144
01:21:51,588 --> 01:21:54,088
You would know all about
fairies, wouldn't you?
2145
01:21:54,090 --> 01:21:55,290
Okay. Let's do this,
moosefucker.
2146
01:21:55,292 --> 01:21:56,425
Yeah, you want to do it?
2147
01:21:56,427 --> 01:21:57,792
- You wanna go?
- Yeah. Let's go.
2148
01:21:57,794 --> 01:22:00,662
- Yeah. You wanna go? You wanna go?
- Yeah. I wanna go.
2149
01:22:00,664 --> 01:22:03,431
(GRUNTS) Ooh, clip-on.
Little tacky, eh?
2150
01:22:03,433 --> 01:22:05,503
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2151
01:22:18,081 --> 01:22:19,314
Yeah!
2152
01:22:19,316 --> 01:22:20,849
That's one former
hockey player
2153
01:22:20,851 --> 01:22:22,050
who can shut the puck up!
2154
01:22:22,052 --> 01:22:23,118
Right, guys?
2155
01:22:23,120 --> 01:22:24,485
(RABBIT WHIMPERING)
2156
01:22:24,487 --> 01:22:26,557
Shit, that was a good line.
2157
01:22:27,590 --> 01:22:29,591
- (RABBIT SCREAMING)
- (BULLETS RICOCHETING)
2158
01:22:29,593 --> 01:22:31,393
O'HAGAN: Come on, damn it!
2159
01:22:31,395 --> 01:22:32,797
Oh, my God!
2160
01:22:34,464 --> 01:22:36,131
(PANICKED SHOUTING)
2161
01:22:36,133 --> 01:22:38,065
(ALL YELLING)
2162
01:22:38,067 --> 01:22:39,736
(RABBIT SCREAMING)
2163
01:22:42,472 --> 01:22:44,542
(ALL EXCLAIMING AND CHEERING)
2164
01:22:46,110 --> 01:22:47,708
MAC: That's great!
That's great!
2165
01:22:47,710 --> 01:22:49,778
(IN CANADIAN ACCENT) What the
hell is wrong with you guys?
2166
01:22:49,780 --> 01:22:51,947
It's like none of you Yanks
ever operated
2167
01:22:51,949 --> 01:22:54,550
an industrial grade
rotary timber saw, eh?
2168
01:22:54,552 --> 01:22:56,217
Hey! What about your accent?
2169
01:22:56,219 --> 01:23:01,021
Andrea Spooner,
Ontario Provincial Police.
2170
01:23:01,023 --> 01:23:02,658
- What?
- Shut up!
2171
01:23:02,660 --> 01:23:03,661
What?
2172
01:23:05,495 --> 01:23:07,061
- (RABBIT SCREAMING)
- (ALL EXCLAIMING)
2173
01:23:07,063 --> 01:23:09,499
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
2174
01:23:13,736 --> 01:23:16,470
GENEVIEVE: Why is the Vermont
Highway Patrol even here?
2175
01:23:16,472 --> 01:23:18,974
I've been undercover
three years.
2176
01:23:18,976 --> 01:23:20,074
Part of a task force...
2177
01:23:20,076 --> 01:23:21,443
with the
Organized Crime Unit
2178
01:23:21,445 --> 01:23:23,345
of the Ontario
Provincial Police.
2179
01:23:23,347 --> 01:23:24,779
She's down with OPP.
2180
01:23:24,781 --> 01:23:28,750
You assholes just blew
three years of work for me.
2181
01:23:28,752 --> 01:23:30,452
I was this close
to getting their supplier.
2182
01:23:30,454 --> 01:23:31,787
Now I'll never get them.
2183
01:23:31,789 --> 01:23:34,189
Well, I'm happy to offer you
full cooperation of our...
2184
01:23:34,191 --> 01:23:35,593
Shut the fuck up!
2185
01:23:36,660 --> 01:23:38,226
Hm.
2186
01:23:38,228 --> 01:23:39,627
- Wow.
- Wow.
2187
01:23:39,629 --> 01:23:41,663
GUY: Hey, guys,
do me a solid, eh?
2188
01:23:41,665 --> 01:23:42,864
When you're sweeping up
back there,
2189
01:23:42,866 --> 01:23:44,265
keep an eye out
for my falsies.
2190
01:23:44,267 --> 01:23:46,234
Nah. You're not
going to need teeth
2191
01:23:46,236 --> 01:23:47,402
where you're going, eh.
2192
01:23:47,404 --> 01:23:49,203
You were our hero, Guy.
2193
01:23:49,205 --> 01:23:50,939
An hockey player
who owned a whorehouse.
2194
01:23:50,941 --> 01:23:52,573
Yeah, and to think
you spent 11 years
2195
01:23:52,575 --> 01:23:53,908
in the Canadian system.
2196
01:23:53,910 --> 01:23:56,510
Newsy Lalonde would be rolling
in his grave right now.
2197
01:23:56,512 --> 01:23:59,180
You would have fit
in good in Calgary, eh.
2198
01:23:59,182 --> 01:24:00,881
Talk about a bunch of goon.
2199
01:24:00,883 --> 01:24:02,585
PODEIN: Especially
that defenseman Bonchance.
2200
01:24:02,587 --> 01:24:03,952
That guy is the worst.
2201
01:24:03,954 --> 01:24:05,119
What a mucker, that guy, eh?
2202
01:24:05,121 --> 01:24:08,390
No, he end up in the QSPHL
by the time he's 38.
2203
01:24:08,392 --> 01:24:09,994
Boring!
2204
01:24:10,628 --> 01:24:13,464
(GROANING)
Easy! Easy!
2205
01:24:13,797 --> 01:24:15,064
Ah! Oh!
2206
01:24:15,066 --> 01:24:16,631
There he is!
2207
01:24:16,633 --> 01:24:18,466
They wrapped you
in the Japanese flag.
2208
01:24:18,468 --> 01:24:20,467
(CONTINUES GROANING)
2209
01:24:20,469 --> 01:24:22,537
Hey, man,
thanks for saving my life.
2210
01:24:22,539 --> 01:24:24,805
I don't know what I would
have done without you.
2211
01:24:24,807 --> 01:24:27,074
Oh, that's okay,
I don't need a hug. (GROANS)
2212
01:24:27,076 --> 01:24:28,512
It's not for you.
2213
01:24:31,214 --> 01:24:32,417
Okay.
2214
01:24:33,616 --> 01:24:36,454
RABBIT: (GROANING)
Careful, careful, careful!
2215
01:24:41,157 --> 01:24:43,024
Dude, are you lactating?
2216
01:24:43,026 --> 01:24:46,894
I'm just doing what my body
tells me to do, okay?
2217
01:24:46,896 --> 01:24:49,331
(CHUCKLES) Okay, Thorn.
You're the tits!
2218
01:24:49,333 --> 01:24:50,899
Good luck with
the wet T-shirt contest.
2219
01:24:50,901 --> 01:24:52,637
(BOTH LAUGHING)
2220
01:25:06,917 --> 01:25:08,052
Men.
2221
01:25:10,521 --> 01:25:11,854
How are ya feelin'?
2222
01:25:11,856 --> 01:25:13,521
Oh, it's okay.
2223
01:25:13,523 --> 01:25:15,991
I'm so sorry about saying
"I hate you" back there.
2224
01:25:15,993 --> 01:25:18,359
Yeah. I know.
I'm sorry I lied.
2225
01:25:18,361 --> 01:25:19,760
I just can't believe
I didn't know.
2226
01:25:19,762 --> 01:25:22,667
Well, you were very sweet,
but also very gullible.
2227
01:25:28,539 --> 01:25:30,405
Maybe you and I
could get together
2228
01:25:30,407 --> 01:25:33,242
and listen to some
old-timey French music...
2229
01:25:33,244 --> 01:25:35,310
when that gets
all healed up.
2230
01:25:35,312 --> 01:25:36,547
Yeah, sure.
2231
01:25:40,249 --> 01:25:41,886
Fuckin' Canadian.
2232
01:25:43,053 --> 01:25:44,618
(CHUCKLES)
2233
01:25:44,620 --> 01:25:48,422
- Give me 50 cc's of morphine, shaving cream and a razor.
- A razor for what?
2234
01:25:48,424 --> 01:25:49,992
To remove the hair
from your testicles.
2235
01:25:49,994 --> 01:25:51,059
I have to stitch you up.
2236
01:25:51,061 --> 01:25:52,726
RABBIT: (STAMMERS) Why would
you need to stitch me up?
2237
01:25:52,728 --> 01:25:53,996
It's like a paper cut.
2238
01:25:53,998 --> 01:25:55,997
All we need to do is get
a little Band-Aid. Hey, guys!
2239
01:25:55,999 --> 01:25:57,131
Happy trails!
2240
01:25:57,133 --> 01:26:00,101
Looks like the rook's getting
his nuts shaved after all.
2241
01:26:00,103 --> 01:26:01,972
(ALL LAUGHING)
2242
01:26:02,638 --> 01:26:04,708
(RABBIT SCREAMING)
2243
01:26:06,310 --> 01:26:08,443
- Who wants coffee?
- Sounds good.
2244
01:26:08,445 --> 01:26:09,813
(HORN HONKS)
2245
01:26:15,185 --> 01:26:16,620
Captain O'Hagan!
2246
01:26:17,922 --> 01:26:20,922
I hear you and your men
did some good work.
2247
01:26:20,924 --> 01:26:23,759
We did.
We caught the smugglers.
2248
01:26:23,761 --> 01:26:24,826
Again.
2249
01:26:24,828 --> 01:26:26,260
(YELLS)
2250
01:26:26,262 --> 01:26:27,828
- (SCREAMING)
- (SQUELCHING)
2251
01:26:27,830 --> 01:26:29,331
What the hell was that?
2252
01:26:29,333 --> 01:26:31,466
FARVA:
Oh, shit.
2253
01:26:31,468 --> 01:26:32,970
(LAUGHING)
2254
01:26:34,404 --> 01:26:37,738
Done and done.
(GROANING)
2255
01:26:37,740 --> 01:26:40,908
This little piggy cried,
"God damn! That hurt!"
2256
01:26:40,910 --> 01:26:41,775
(LAUGHS)
2257
01:26:41,777 --> 01:26:43,479
What the hell happened to you?
2258
01:26:43,481 --> 01:26:45,447
Ah. I just lost a pussy bet.
2259
01:26:45,449 --> 01:26:47,114
If I "toed" ya,
I'd have to kill ya.
2260
01:26:47,116 --> 01:26:48,350
(LAUGHS) Oh!
2261
01:26:48,352 --> 01:26:50,018
Watch the hoof! Ow!
Watch the hoof!
2262
01:26:50,020 --> 01:26:51,353
- (STUN GUN CRACKLING)
- (FARVA SCREAMING)
2263
01:26:51,355 --> 01:26:54,622
Officers! Cassandra Anne
Gacek, Action Five News.
2264
01:26:54,624 --> 01:26:56,524
Given your involvement
with this bust
2265
01:26:56,526 --> 01:26:57,792
how does it feel to know
2266
01:26:57,794 --> 01:26:59,563
that you are still
being replaced?
2267
01:27:00,896 --> 01:27:05,734
Uh, you know, when they first
arrive I am wondering:
2268
01:27:05,736 --> 01:27:07,268
"Who are these people
2269
01:27:07,270 --> 01:27:09,470
they come here
taked our land?"
2270
01:27:09,472 --> 01:27:12,176
But then I have it,
my answer, huh.
2271
01:27:14,945 --> 01:27:17,412
They are heroes.
2272
01:27:17,414 --> 01:27:18,813
CROWD: Aw!
2273
01:27:18,815 --> 01:27:23,118
These men... they putted their
life on the line for us.
2274
01:27:23,120 --> 01:27:26,689
One of them,
he even saved my life.
2275
01:27:26,691 --> 01:27:30,192
This tan guy here
with the wet tits.
2276
01:27:30,194 --> 01:27:31,158
(CROWD LAUGHS)
2277
01:27:31,160 --> 01:27:34,128
- But we hate Americans!
- I hear you. I hear you.
2278
01:27:34,130 --> 01:27:35,497
But I have to tell you...
2279
01:27:35,499 --> 01:27:37,466
if these gentlemen
are an example
2280
01:27:37,468 --> 01:27:39,967
of what it means
to be American...
2281
01:27:39,969 --> 01:27:40,902
I'm okay.
2282
01:27:40,904 --> 01:27:43,137
Then I am proud to be
an American too.
2283
01:27:43,139 --> 01:27:46,207
- All right.
- I am. I'm proud to be American.
2284
01:27:46,209 --> 01:27:48,577
So, we're leaving
to start our station up north.
2285
01:27:48,579 --> 01:27:49,810
But I say
with great confidence
2286
01:27:49,812 --> 01:27:51,046
that we couldn't leave you
in better hands
2287
01:27:51,048 --> 01:27:54,616
than in those
of the Vermont Highway Patrol.
2288
01:27:54,618 --> 01:27:56,920
(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
2289
01:27:59,356 --> 01:28:02,358
How does it feel to be the coolest
motherfucker on this planet?
2290
01:28:02,360 --> 01:28:05,260
You tell me, buddy.
You tell me.
2291
01:28:05,262 --> 01:28:08,596
- (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
- CROWD: Aw.
2292
01:28:08,598 --> 01:28:10,900
JESSMAN:
Uh, yeah. Excuse me.
2293
01:28:11,235 --> 01:28:12,268
Hold on.
2294
01:28:13,570 --> 01:28:15,737
Actually,
I'm here to tell you
2295
01:28:15,739 --> 01:28:17,840
that the U.S.
and Canadian governments
2296
01:28:17,842 --> 01:28:20,074
have decided to postpone
the turnover
2297
01:28:20,076 --> 01:28:23,110
until the rest of the
hidden contraband is found.
2298
01:28:23,112 --> 01:28:25,546
- (CROWD GASPS)
- CASSANDRA: So, wait.
2299
01:28:25,548 --> 01:28:28,082
Are we Canadians
or are we Americans?
2300
01:28:28,084 --> 01:28:30,717
You're still Canadians
for now.
2301
01:28:30,719 --> 01:28:33,988
And that's going
to continue indefinitely.
2302
01:28:33,990 --> 01:28:35,192
(IN CANADIAN ACCENT)
Sorry.
2303
01:28:36,093 --> 01:28:37,962
(ALL CLAMORING)
2304
01:28:39,262 --> 01:28:42,898
Okay, so we are now in control
of this area again, eh?
2305
01:28:42,900 --> 01:28:45,067
No, no.
We both have authority.
2306
01:28:45,069 --> 01:28:46,635
You got the authority
to go take
2307
01:28:46,637 --> 01:28:48,069
a flying fuck
at a rolling doughnut.
2308
01:28:48,071 --> 01:28:50,104
Hey, we just saved your lives,
you remember that?
2309
01:28:50,106 --> 01:28:51,738
BELLEFUILLE:
We have an expression here.
2310
01:28:51,740 --> 01:28:53,908
It go, "What have you done
for me lately?"
2311
01:28:53,910 --> 01:28:55,344
Yeah, maybe
we'll haul your ass
2312
01:28:55,346 --> 01:28:56,510
back out to the woods naked.
2313
01:28:56,512 --> 01:28:59,546
Or maybe we could burn down
your White House again! Eh?
2314
01:28:59,548 --> 01:29:00,881
What the hell does that mean?
2315
01:29:00,883 --> 01:29:03,652
The War of 1812, eh.
Learn your history.
2316
01:29:03,654 --> 01:29:05,356
- (GRUNTS)
- (ALL EXCLAIMING)
2317
01:29:07,124 --> 01:29:09,957
Oh! You punched the mustache
right off his face!
2318
01:29:09,959 --> 01:29:12,661
No, no, no! Look,
he's wearing a postiche, eh!
2319
01:29:12,663 --> 01:29:14,796
(ALL LAUGHING)
2320
01:29:14,798 --> 01:29:16,631
You shut up about his
postiche, come on!
2321
01:29:16,633 --> 01:29:17,935
(ALL GRUNTING)
2322
01:29:19,703 --> 01:29:23,136
♪ Well, she was,
she was, she was ♪
2323
01:29:23,138 --> 01:29:26,774
♪ She was blinded
by the light ♪
2324
01:29:26,776 --> 01:29:28,376
♪ Revved up like a deuce ♪
2325
01:29:28,378 --> 01:29:30,679
♪ Another runner
in the night ♪
2326
01:29:30,681 --> 01:29:33,881
♪ Blinded by the light ♪
2327
01:29:33,883 --> 01:29:35,716
♪ Revved up like a deuce ♪
2328
01:29:35,718 --> 01:29:37,786
♪ Another runner
in the night ♪
2329
01:29:37,788 --> 01:29:41,021
♪ Blinded by the light ♪
2330
01:29:41,023 --> 01:29:42,524
♪ Revved up like a... ♪
2331
01:29:42,526 --> 01:29:43,728
(MUSIC STOPS)
2332
01:29:46,864 --> 01:29:48,065
- (CAT MEOWS)
- What do you got?
2333
01:29:48,731 --> 01:29:49,764
Cat in a tree.
2334
01:29:49,766 --> 01:29:52,268
- (CAT MEOWS)
- THORNY: Ah, yeah.
2335
01:29:52,902 --> 01:29:54,002
Hey, Fred Savage.
2336
01:29:54,004 --> 01:29:55,737
- How's it going?
- Macintyre Womack.
2337
01:29:55,739 --> 01:29:57,139
Oh, pleasure to meet you,
Officer.
2338
01:29:57,141 --> 01:29:57,904
Carl Foster.
2339
01:29:57,906 --> 01:29:59,407
Nice to meet you. Fred.
2340
01:29:59,409 --> 01:30:01,076
So, what's with the ride-along?
You got a cop movie coming out?
2341
01:30:01,078 --> 01:30:03,243
Uh, no, it's actually a new
show for the Syfy Channel.
2342
01:30:03,245 --> 01:30:06,782
Kind of a small-town alien
invasion show called Vermonsters.
2343
01:30:06,784 --> 01:30:08,315
- ALL: Oh!
- I'd see that.
2344
01:30:08,317 --> 01:30:09,751
So, do you guys spend
a lot of time
2345
01:30:09,753 --> 01:30:11,385
getting, um,
cats out of trees?
2346
01:30:11,387 --> 01:30:13,253
Is that kinda the job?
2347
01:30:13,255 --> 01:30:15,155
No, we get the call and then
we call the Fire Department.
2348
01:30:15,157 --> 01:30:16,859
- They get the damn thing out.
- Oh.
2349
01:30:16,861 --> 01:30:19,493
Could I actually trouble you
for a quick selfie?
2350
01:30:19,495 --> 01:30:21,895
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
- I'm a big Princess Bride fan.
2351
01:30:21,897 --> 01:30:23,030
SAVAGE:
Yes. My pleasure.
2352
01:30:23,032 --> 01:30:24,599
That was my "get laid movie"
in high school.
2353
01:30:24,601 --> 01:30:26,134
Oh! You're welcome.
2354
01:30:26,136 --> 01:30:27,668
- MAC AND SAVAGE: Buttercup!
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
2355
01:30:27,670 --> 01:30:28,737
Holy shit!
2356
01:30:28,739 --> 01:30:29,636
- Did you get it?
- MAC: Nailed it.
2357
01:30:29,638 --> 01:30:31,206
Fred fuckin' Savage, huh?
2358
01:30:31,208 --> 01:30:33,073
- Uh, yes. That's me.
- He's right here! Look at him!
2359
01:30:33,075 --> 01:30:34,576
- Yeah, we know.
- SAVAGE: How are ya?
2360
01:30:34,578 --> 01:30:35,877
You still with Winnie?
2361
01:30:35,879 --> 01:30:37,979
Uh, no, no. Just a...
just a show, man.
2362
01:30:37,981 --> 01:30:40,114
- I call sloppy seconds!
- Okay, great.
2363
01:30:40,116 --> 01:30:41,983
I think I'm gonna get the cat.
I'm gonna get the cat.
2364
01:30:41,985 --> 01:30:43,350
Mr. Savage,
we can't let you do that,
2365
01:30:43,352 --> 01:30:44,252
because, you know, well,
2366
01:30:44,254 --> 01:30:45,487
we're responsible
for your safety.
2367
01:30:45,489 --> 01:30:47,055
Don't worry about it.
I'm an expert climber.
2368
01:30:47,057 --> 01:30:48,823
Remember the movie
Super Monkey?
2369
01:30:48,825 --> 01:30:50,192
ALL: Yeah.
2370
01:30:50,194 --> 01:30:51,492
I did all my own stunts
in that movie.
2371
01:30:51,494 --> 01:30:52,592
I'm good with the trees.
2372
01:30:52,594 --> 01:30:53,694
- Okay.
- (CAT MEOWS)
2373
01:30:53,696 --> 01:30:54,796
(GRUNTS)
2374
01:30:54,798 --> 01:30:57,364
Look at him go. Wow.
2375
01:30:57,366 --> 01:30:59,934
SAVAGE: I can see it!
I got the cat.
2376
01:30:59,936 --> 01:31:01,536
Take it easy, Mr. Savage.
2377
01:31:01,538 --> 01:31:03,238
I thought Super Monkey sucked.
2378
01:31:03,240 --> 01:31:05,105
Yeah. And the monkeys
were so fuckin' fake.
2379
01:31:05,107 --> 01:31:07,274
- A.O. Scott said the plot was bananas.
- SAVAGE: Hey, buddy.
2380
01:31:07,276 --> 01:31:08,976
Hey, you know,
I can hear you guys.
2381
01:31:08,978 --> 01:31:10,411
Alright, you should try
acting in a movie
2382
01:31:10,413 --> 01:31:12,412
and doing your own stunts.
It's really hard!
2383
01:31:12,414 --> 01:31:14,649
- (LAUGHS) Sure.
- All right, don't be dicks.
2384
01:31:14,651 --> 01:31:16,216
- (BRANCHES SNAP)
- (YELPS)
2385
01:31:16,218 --> 01:31:18,153
- (SAVAGE GROANING)
- (ALL EXCLAIMING)
2386
01:31:18,155 --> 01:31:20,221
(THUDDING)
2387
01:31:20,223 --> 01:31:21,657
(YELLS, GRUNTS)
2388
01:31:21,659 --> 01:31:22,890
(EXHALES) Woo!
2389
01:31:22,892 --> 01:31:24,492
(ALL CHEERING)
2390
01:31:24,494 --> 01:31:25,693
Did you see that shit?!
2391
01:31:25,695 --> 01:31:26,760
(ALL LAUGH)
2392
01:31:26,762 --> 01:31:28,729
Any of you motherfuckers
want some pussy?
2393
01:31:28,731 --> 01:31:30,498
- What's up?!
- (ALL CHEER)
2394
01:31:30,500 --> 01:31:31,632
(HORN BLARES)
2395
01:31:31,634 --> 01:31:32,900
(ALL GASP)
2396
01:31:32,902 --> 01:31:35,105
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
2397
01:31:53,723 --> 01:31:56,024
♪ Madman drummers bummers ♪
2398
01:31:56,026 --> 01:31:57,259
♪ Indians in the summer ♪
2399
01:31:57,261 --> 01:32:00,761
♪ With a teenage diplomat ♪
2400
01:32:00,763 --> 01:32:02,698
♪ In the dumps
with the mumps ♪
2401
01:32:02,700 --> 01:32:04,299
♪ As the adolescent pumps ♪
2402
01:32:04,301 --> 01:32:07,536
♪ His way into his hat ♪
2403
01:32:07,538 --> 01:32:09,703
♪ With a boulder
on my shoulder ♪
2404
01:32:09,705 --> 01:32:11,271
♪ Feelin' kinda older ♪
2405
01:32:11,273 --> 01:32:14,542
♪ I tripped the
merry-go-round ♪
2406
01:32:14,544 --> 01:32:16,810
♪ With this
very unpleasin' ♪
2407
01:32:16,812 --> 01:32:18,479
♪ Sneezin' and wheezin' ♪
2408
01:32:18,481 --> 01:32:22,151
♪ The calliope
crashed to the ground ♪
2409
01:32:31,896 --> 01:32:35,130
♪ The calliope
crashed to the ground ♪
2410
01:32:35,132 --> 01:32:39,600
♪ Yeah, she was
blinded by the light ♪
2411
01:32:39,602 --> 01:32:41,301
♪ Revved up like a deuce ♪
2412
01:32:41,303 --> 01:32:43,305
♪ Another runner
in the night ♪
2413
01:32:43,307 --> 01:32:46,707
♪ Blinded by the light ♪
2414
01:32:46,709 --> 01:32:48,341
♪ Revved up like a deuce ♪
2415
01:32:48,343 --> 01:32:50,644
♪ Another runner
in the night ♪
2416
01:32:50,646 --> 01:32:53,780
♪ Blinded by the light ♪
2417
01:32:53,782 --> 01:32:55,515
♪ Revved up like a deuce ♪
2418
01:32:55,517 --> 01:32:57,719
♪ Another runner
in the night ♪
2419
01:32:57,721 --> 01:33:01,058
♪ Blinded by the light ♪
2420
01:33:03,927 --> 01:33:06,360
♪ Some silicone sister ♪
2421
01:33:06,362 --> 01:33:08,328
♪ With a manager mister ♪
2422
01:33:08,330 --> 01:33:11,233
♪ Told me
I got what it takes ♪
2423
01:33:11,235 --> 01:33:15,002
♪ She said "I'll turn you on
sonny to something strong ♪
2424
01:33:15,004 --> 01:33:18,171
♪ Play the song
with the funky breaks" ♪
2425
01:33:18,173 --> 01:33:20,274
♪ And go-cart Mozart ♪
2426
01:33:20,276 --> 01:33:22,409
♪ Was checkin' out
the weather chart ♪
2427
01:33:22,411 --> 01:33:25,313
♪ See if it was
safe outside ♪
2428
01:33:25,315 --> 01:33:29,250
♪ And little early-pearly
came by in his curly-wurly ♪
2429
01:33:29,252 --> 01:33:33,156
♪ And asked me
if I needed a ride ♪
2430
01:33:42,665 --> 01:33:45,567
♪ The calliope
crashed to the ground ♪
2431
01:33:45,569 --> 01:33:50,137
♪ Yeah, she was
blinded by the light ♪
2432
01:33:50,139 --> 01:33:51,905
♪ Revved up like a deuce ♪
2433
01:33:51,907 --> 01:33:54,109
♪ Another runner
in the night ♪
2434
01:33:54,111 --> 01:33:57,314
♪ Blinded by the light ♪
2435
01:34:03,120 --> 01:34:05,354
JAY: (ON RADIO) You reach
for your ticket book.
2436
01:34:05,356 --> 01:34:06,287
I got ya. Okay.
2437
01:34:06,289 --> 01:34:08,758
'Scuse me. Sorry.
(CHUCKLES) Sorry.
2438
01:34:09,659 --> 01:34:11,259
(SPITS)
2439
01:34:11,261 --> 01:34:13,193
Don't worry about it.
Hold that for me.
2440
01:34:13,195 --> 01:34:14,561
- JAY: Here we go. Ready?
- Yeah.
2441
01:34:14,563 --> 01:34:16,965
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
2442
01:34:16,967 --> 01:34:18,502
(HORSE NEIGHS)
2443
01:34:19,803 --> 01:34:22,237
- (SPEAKING FRENCH)
- (HORSE WHINNIES)
2444
01:34:22,239 --> 01:34:25,439
- (SPEAKING FRENCH)
- (HORSE NICKERS)
2445
01:34:25,441 --> 01:34:28,176
- (SPEAKING FRENCH) Ooh!
- (HORSE WHINNIES)
2446
01:34:28,178 --> 01:34:30,144
I can't believe it's a crime
down in the U.S.
2447
01:34:30,146 --> 01:34:32,313
to drink beer
and enjoy tits and dick.
2448
01:34:32,315 --> 01:34:35,483
I mean, beep beep!
There's no harm there.
2449
01:34:35,485 --> 01:34:37,752
I mean... (IMITATES BUZZER)
There's no harm there.
2450
01:34:37,754 --> 01:34:40,391
(IMITATING PUNCHING BAG)
It's a good workout, eh.
2451
01:34:42,258 --> 01:34:43,858
JAY: Cut. I could do that
all night.
2452
01:34:43,860 --> 01:34:45,827
- I know...
- (ALL LAUGHING)
2453
01:34:45,829 --> 01:34:47,894
JAY:
And action!
2454
01:34:47,896 --> 01:34:49,663
- Oh!
- (ALL LAUGHING)
2455
01:34:49,665 --> 01:34:52,000
That's how easy it is.
2456
01:34:52,002 --> 01:34:53,667
Oh! Jesus Christ.
Motherfucker.
2457
01:34:53,669 --> 01:34:56,738
What do we got, till lunch?
We got till lunch?
2458
01:34:56,740 --> 01:34:57,805
- JAY: Action.
- (BALLOON POPS)
2459
01:34:57,807 --> 01:34:59,041
- Oh!
- (ALL LAUGH)
2460
01:34:59,043 --> 01:35:02,443
Which one of you guys
has a, le, a le seniority?
2461
01:35:02,445 --> 01:35:04,511
(ALL LAUGHING)
2462
01:35:04,513 --> 01:35:06,417
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
2463
01:35:08,250 --> 01:35:10,385
JAY: You got to blow
those cheeks out.
2464
01:35:10,387 --> 01:35:11,452
Okay.
2465
01:35:11,454 --> 01:35:15,088
I think I have some of your
mustache in my mouth.
2466
01:35:15,090 --> 01:35:16,658
Where's your asshole?
2467
01:35:16,660 --> 01:35:19,327
STEVE LEMME: It's right about...
right there.
2468
01:35:19,329 --> 01:35:20,761
Just follow the heat.
2469
01:35:20,763 --> 01:35:23,998
First you steal our job
and now you sit here
2470
01:35:24,000 --> 01:35:25,733
getting a sensual massage
from a chair
2471
01:35:25,735 --> 01:35:29,569
in the center of the mall
with our women.
2472
01:35:29,571 --> 01:35:32,306
JAY: (LAUGHS)
Can you shorten that?
2473
01:35:32,308 --> 01:35:34,108
No, that's the only way
I can say it.
2474
01:35:34,110 --> 01:35:36,711
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jeez Louise.
2475
01:35:36,713 --> 01:35:39,146
Now I know who gobbled up
all my Lava Scotia.
2476
01:35:39,148 --> 01:35:40,314
JAY:
Uh, Flova Scotia.
2477
01:35:40,316 --> 01:35:42,750
Now I know who gobbled up
all my Flava Scotia.
2478
01:35:42,752 --> 01:35:44,853
- JAY: Uh, Flo, uh, Flova.
- Flova. God damn it.
2479
01:35:44,855 --> 01:35:46,054
All my Flava Scotia.
2480
01:35:46,056 --> 01:35:48,223
- All my Flava Scotia.
- JAY: (LAUGHING) Flova.
2481
01:35:48,225 --> 01:35:50,091
I'm gonna get it. Nova. Flova.
2482
01:35:50,093 --> 01:35:53,060
Now I know who gobbled up
all my Flava Scotia.
2483
01:35:53,062 --> 01:35:55,029
- Close?
- JAY: No. Not really.
2484
01:35:55,031 --> 01:35:57,230
(SHOUTING IN FRENCH)
2485
01:35:57,232 --> 01:35:59,434
What about this?!
What about this, huh?!
2486
01:35:59,436 --> 01:36:01,034
Didn't we
do that to like
2487
01:36:01,036 --> 01:36:02,836
a skinny blond guy
with a big forehead?
2488
01:36:02,838 --> 01:36:03,938
Smelled like bacon?
2489
01:36:03,940 --> 01:36:05,573
Always yakking about
Hot Pockets?
2490
01:36:05,575 --> 01:36:06,774
That was me.
2491
01:36:06,776 --> 01:36:08,909
You asked if I saw you
2492
01:36:08,911 --> 01:36:11,311
jumping around
all mimbly bimbly...
2493
01:36:11,313 --> 01:36:12,913
You asked if I saw you
2494
01:36:12,915 --> 01:36:15,750
jumping around
all nimby, ni...
2495
01:36:15,752 --> 01:36:17,618
All nibbily-bimbly.
2496
01:36:17,620 --> 01:36:19,487
Sorry, what...
It's nimbly-bimbly.
2497
01:36:19,489 --> 01:36:21,456
- STEVE LEMME: Come on, Gaffigan!
- (ALL LAUGHING)
2498
01:36:21,458 --> 01:36:25,092
- (GRUNTS)
- Idiot. (GRUNTS)
2499
01:36:25,094 --> 01:36:30,265
Bon vivant bouillabaisse,
croissant, le chicken cordon bleu?
2500
01:36:30,267 --> 01:36:32,699
JAY:
Eh, that's a little much.
2501
01:36:32,701 --> 01:36:35,168
- This one says "Tiger Penis".
- FARVA: Suck it!
2502
01:36:35,170 --> 01:36:37,837
- Shut up, Farva.
- Sorry. It's just funny.
2503
01:36:37,839 --> 01:36:40,641
Eh... (STAMMERING)
2504
01:36:40,643 --> 01:36:42,310
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
What the shit, Guy?
2505
01:36:42,312 --> 01:36:43,644
Why you tell us
they are the smuggler...
2506
01:36:43,646 --> 01:36:46,646
- Sorry, I'm sorry.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
2507
01:36:46,648 --> 01:36:48,852
(CONTINUING IN FRENCH ACCENT)
Uh... Eh...
2508
01:36:49,819 --> 01:36:52,118
All right. All right.
Here we go, here we go.
2509
01:36:52,120 --> 01:36:53,787
- Just gotta find it.
- Yeah, I got it.
2510
01:36:53,789 --> 01:36:55,525
Uh...
2511
01:36:56,526 --> 01:36:58,395
(ALL LAUGHING)
2512
01:36:59,027 --> 01:37:02,028
Uh... Eh...
2513
01:37:02,030 --> 01:37:04,698
Sorry. I'm totally...
Okay, okay.
2514
01:37:04,700 --> 01:37:05,800
Hey, cut it.
2515
01:37:05,802 --> 01:37:07,536
(MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
2516
01:37:07,538 --> 01:37:09,938
(ALL APPLAUDING)
2517
01:37:09,940 --> 01:37:13,541
♪ She got down,
but she never got tight ♪
2518
01:37:13,543 --> 01:37:17,177
♪ She's gonna make it ♪
2519
01:37:17,179 --> 01:37:21,215
♪ Through the night ♪
2520
01:37:21,217 --> 01:37:22,753
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
2521
01:37:36,164 --> 01:37:39,367
♪ What a drag ♪
2522
01:37:39,369 --> 01:37:43,874
♪ Sittin' here at home
on Saturday night ♪
2523
01:37:45,107 --> 01:37:47,841
♪ And I'm alone ♪
2524
01:37:47,843 --> 01:37:52,512
♪ Just staring at my phone
trying to make it ring ♪
2525
01:37:52,514 --> 01:37:55,448
♪ Wish I had a friend ♪
2526
01:37:55,450 --> 01:37:57,887
♪ I can tell my jokes to ♪
2527
01:38:00,824 --> 01:38:03,623
♪ My truck ♪
2528
01:38:03,625 --> 01:38:06,394
♪ Is runnin' pretty rough ♪
2529
01:38:06,396 --> 01:38:09,296
♪ It don't matter much ♪
2530
01:38:09,298 --> 01:38:12,634
♪ I'm out of gas ♪
2531
01:38:12,636 --> 01:38:17,270
♪ If I had a tank,
I'd take a ride ♪
2532
01:38:17,272 --> 01:38:20,108
♪ But I don't know
where to ♪
2533
01:38:20,110 --> 01:38:22,478
♪ Great Saturday night ♪
2534
01:38:25,347 --> 01:38:27,850
(VOCALIZING)
2535
01:38:34,324 --> 01:38:36,526
♪ Saturday night ♪
2536
01:38:39,062 --> 01:38:41,865
(VOCALIZING)
2537
01:38:47,870 --> 01:38:50,406
♪ Saturday night ♪
2538
01:39:01,347 --> 01:39:06,347
Subtitles by explosiveskull
2539
01:39:08,490 --> 01:39:11,294
(SONG PLAYING ON RADIO)
2540
01:39:12,062 --> 01:39:13,530
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
2541
01:39:17,734 --> 01:39:20,771
(WHIRRING)
2542
01:39:23,740 --> 01:39:24,741
(SIGHS)
2543
01:39:25,842 --> 01:39:27,444
(GULPING)
2544
01:39:29,145 --> 01:39:30,547
Mm-mm.