1
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,100
Fuck Wolverine.

2
00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:57,800
First, he rides my coattails
with the R-rating.

3
00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:02,000
Then, the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.

4
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:04,000
What a dick!

5
00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:06,200
Well guess what, Wolvie?

6
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,000
I'm dying in this one, too.

7
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:16,600
To understand why I took a catnap on
1,200 gallons of high-test fuel...

8
00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:20,399
I need to take you back to the
doody slopes of six weeks ago.

9
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,699
I've gone international. Taking
on mass murderers, gangsters,

10
00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:25,599
unspeakable monsters.

11
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,699
People nobody would touch.
Except me.

12
00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:31,200
I'm gonna touch them all over.

13
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,999
Hey. It's Gail calling.

14
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:39,800
Love the shiny suit. Really brings
out the sex trafficker in your eyes.

15
00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:45,400
I don't speak
Cantonese, Mister...

16
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,599
Well I'm not even
gonna attempt that.

17
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,199
But I did take eighth
grade Spanish, so...

18
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,199
Donde esta la biblioteca?

19
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,500
Which literally translates to...

20
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,300
"I don't bargain,
pumpkin-fucker."

21
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,700
Uno, dos, tres, quatr...

22
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,199
I'll take a glitter off
your glitter fucking vodka.

23
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,700
I know it's called sea breeze.
Don't make me say it.

24
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:44,900
Hit it, Dolly.

25
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,100
Taking the hands off the
guns of the criminals.

26
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,900
Do not go in there!

27
00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:27,199
Oh, God! Oh, God! Time out!
Time out!

28
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,700
Cut! Just like Cyclops,
can't open my eyes.

29
00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:35,200
Fuck!

30
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,200
Scoutmaster Kevin?

31
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,100
Too exotic?

32
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,599
My world tour brought
me home to this guy.

33
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:52,899
Sergei.

34
00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:54,699
We'll get to him in a moment.

35
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:56,299
Because I know what
you're thinking.

36
00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:58,899
"I'm so glad I left
the kiddos at home."

37
00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:00,399
But that's where you'd be wrong.

38
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,400
That babysitter of yours,
is high as fuck right now.

39
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:04,999
And believe it or not...

40
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,999
Deadpool 2, is a family film.

41
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:08,900
True story.

42
00:05:08,901 --> 00:05:12,600
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.

43
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,699
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw VII.

44
00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:19,299
Holy shit-pickles.
That guy's on fire!

45
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:22,800
That's not CGI, folks. He's
actually on fire. Yeah.

46
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:25,599
You know, you need to
take out bad guys, right?

47
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,900
But this guy... He was
one of the worst of 'em.

48
00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:35,000
Open up with this fucking door,
and let's kill this motherfu...

49
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,300
Ugh... So gross.

50
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,900
A panic room? Really?

51
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,400
Can you come out?

52
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:52,100
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.

53
00:05:57,500 --> 00:06:00,500
Open up what you feel inside. Just
not having enough confidence.

54
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,800
Listen, confidence is not something
you have. It's something you create.

55
00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:05,999
And you can create it
any moment in time.

56
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,399
A sense of confidence is nothing but
a sense of power within yourself.

57
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,999
A sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.

58
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,399
And you can create that feeling
within you, in a moment.

59
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,800
Start the fucking car!

60
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:24,800
- Woo!
- I shit my pants.

61
00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:27,399
Actually, that may have been me.

62
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:28,599
Mission accomplished?

63
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,599
Well, George W-sort of way.

64
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,799
Fucker can't stay in a
panic room forever.

65
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,099
- You are living the dreams, DP.
- It has been quite the run, Dopinder.

66
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:37,399
And who'd have thought?

67
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,900
Now I'm talked about in the
same sentence as Jesus.

68
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,999
Passion of the Christ, then, me.
At least, domestically.

69
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,099
We beat them overseas, where
there's no such thing as religion.

70
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:48,499
I do want to live the
dreams, Poolboy.

71
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,099
Taxiing is not as
sexy as it looks.

72
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:54,000
- I want to fill my...
- Pockets? What's your poison?

73
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:56,100
Little cookie cokey?

74
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,099
Can't maintain an erection
without buying shoes online?

75
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:01,499
Never experienced that last one.

76
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:04,199
- Talk to me, - I was
going to say, soul.

77
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:08,200
I want to fill my soul. I want to belong
to something, like you, Pool, sir.

78
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:09,700
Dopinder?

79
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:12,500
You never cease to surprise me.

80
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,500
The depth of your heart
is extraordinary.

81
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:20,799
We all need a sense of belonging. We
all need a genuine sense of home.

82
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,799
- A place...
- I want to become a contract killer.

83
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,499
I'm sorry. What did you say?

84
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:28,100
Remember when I kidnapped
Bandhu, and tried to end him...

85
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,499
You kinda killed him.

86
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:31,300
Remember the movie Interview
with the Vampire?

87
00:07:31,324 --> 00:07:32,200
I don't want to.

88
00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:36,899
When Tom Cruise fed ten-year old Kirsten
Dunst blood for the first time.

89
00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:40,399
Then she looked up at his
smooth, handsome face,

90
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,600
and said, "I want some more".

91
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:47,800
Oh, Pool, picture me! A
ten-year old Kirsten Dunst.

92
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,700
I'll never not picture that.

93
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:54,800
But I can't wait to never speak of this.
As soon as possible.

94
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,300
We're here.

95
00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:02,499
- You're my Tom Cruise.
- And you're my Kristen Dunst!

96
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:04,100
Kristen? Kirsten?

97
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,500
Sorry I'm late.

98
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,199
There was a bunch of...

99
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,799
Handicappable children stuck in a tree.
I had to...

100
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:16,700
You're right.

101
00:08:16,701 --> 00:08:18,700
I was fighting a caped badass.

102
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,680
Then I discovered his mom
was named Martha, too.

103
00:08:20,704 --> 00:08:22,304
No.

104
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:23,700
Traffic?

105
00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:25,700
Hmm?

106
00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:29,500
- Kiss me like you miss me, Red.
- Well, come here.

107
00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:43,100
I wanna shower and get
out of this suit.

108
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,500
- Don't you want your surprise?
- Do I look like a patient burn victim?

109
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:52,500
Happy anniversary, baby.

110
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,200
The ski-ball token.

111
00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:58,300
- Our first date.
- Yup.

112
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:02,200
That's genuine high-grade lead.

113
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,800
I'll keep it forever.

114
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,600
Thank you, baby.

115
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,700
Open yours.

116
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,700
Well that's...

117
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,799
That's just the most
beautiful thing I ever...

118
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,299
I don't know what this is.

119
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:20,700
My IUD.

120
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,099
A bomb?

121
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:25,000
No, dick for brains. My
birth control device.

122
00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:26,399
You mean your...

123
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:29,700
- Baby factory is open for business.
- Oh, my God!

124
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,800
Oh, my God! I want a boy.

125
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,700
Or a little girl. Just
really one or the other.

126
00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:39,100
I want our kids to
have only one name.

127
00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:40,799
Like Cher.

128
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:41,900
Or Todd.

129
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:44,440
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.

130
00:09:44,464 --> 00:09:45,700
Yes, I do.

131
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,800
Let's watch some porn and
show that bed who's boss.

132
00:09:47,824 --> 00:09:49,424
Let's do that.

133
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,700
Does this song sound
familiar to you?

134
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,500
May.

135
00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:07,199
Connor? If it's a boy.

136
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,500
May if it's a girl.

137
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,300
So weird.

138
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,900
Family's a lot like
an "F" -word to me.

139
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,900
Pile of shit father took
off and bailed, and...

140
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:26,100
It's not like I have a lot of strong
role models to draw off of for Todd.

141
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:28,400
Hey.

142
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:30,200
Look at me.

143
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:33,300
You are not your father.

144
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,200
Besides...

145
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,800
I will never, ever...

146
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,600
let our child be named "Todd".

147
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,700
But here's the thing. Isn't
that how it always works?

148
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:46,599
Like in Star Wars...

149
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,000
Men are destined to
become their father?

150
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:52,500
And then have consensual
sex with their sister?

151
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,300
I think you missed big,
big chunks of that movie.

152
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:59,900
- No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.
- Baby, that's Empire.

153
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:03,200
The point is, kids...

154
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:07,499
They give us a chance to
be better than we are.

155
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,800
Better than we used to be.

156
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:13,600
You're a lot smarter
than you look.

157
00:11:14,100 --> 00:11:15,899
I'm gonna go make dessert.

158
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:19,400
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a superbaby.

159
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,200
I'm pretty sure it doesn't
work that way but we can try.

160
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:27,299
What about Krystal, with a K?

161
00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:29,000
That's too stripper-y.

162
00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:30,999
Kevin with a K?

163
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,200
No. Too stripper-y too.

164
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,100
Earl?

165
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:39,700
He's gonna go straight to
jail if we name him Earl.

166
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,800
What about Bruce?

167
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,900
- Get down.
- What?

168
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:17,900
Baby? Baby?

169
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,700
I'm okay.

170
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:25,600
Thank God, I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.

171
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,200
Papa, can you hear me?

172
00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:26,799
Is it just me or does "Do you want
to Build A Snowman" from Frozen

173
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,100
sounds suspiciously like "Papa,
Can You Hear Me" from Yentl?

174
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,200
Papa, can you hear me?

175
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:37,700
That nobody fucking realizes it.

176
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,900
Go home. You've been here
for three days, okay?

177
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,799
You smell like somebody shit in a civil
war wound after it had become gangrenous.

178
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:48,499
They should've just amputated it. Why
shit in it. It doesn't make any sense.

179
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:50,399
I love Frozen.

180
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,800
I loved her. I loved her
like ocean loved water.

181
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:56,399
- An ocean is water.
- More importantly...

182
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:57,900
I liked her.

183
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,000
I really liked her, you know?

184
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:05,300
George Michael was right. I'm never
gonna dance again. Fuck. He's dead too.

185
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:09,100
- At least we still have Bowie.
- Yeah.

186
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,400
We still... have Bowie.

187
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:13,999
I'm sorry.

188
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,399
Shot after shot, it's not gonna change
the fact that I think you're...

189
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,499
Are you pissing? Are you
urinating right now? You're

190
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:21,600
making the face that you
make when you're urinating.

191
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:23,699
- Is he pissing?
- I'm on it.

192
00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:25,199
There you go, Dopinder.

193
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,299
You wanna be a contract
killer, you're gonna

194
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,399
handle a mop before
you handle a gun.

195
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,099
Although I don't quite understand
how they are all similar.

196
00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:34,700
Well, they both have handles.
Now leave me.

197
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:36,899
Go home, Wade.

198
00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:38,600
I don't have a home.

199
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,100
Whoa. Okay, I'm fine.
Honestly, I'm fine.

200
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,299
You know what fine
stands for, Wade?

201
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:48,700
Fucked up, insecure,
neurotic and emotional.

202
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,400
According to the...

203
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,199
Kubler-Ross.

204
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:58,099
According to the Kubler-Ross model, denial
is just one of the five stages of grief.

205
00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:00,300
Jesus Christ, Buck.

206
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,900
No more speaking lines for you.

207
00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:42,600
- I'm thinking it over.
- Motherfucker! Fuck.

208
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:48,799
What the hell are you doing here?
Don't you know how to knock?

209
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,099
I thought you saw me.
With your ears.

210
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:56,000
- You're lucky I didn't shoot you in...
- The wall? The refrigerator?

211
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:58,700
I'm in so much pain.

212
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,300
I heard the news, sweetie.

213
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,400
I'm very sorry. I am.

214
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,399
What am I gonna do, Al?

215
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,000
Probably something terrible.

216
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,900
- Knowing you.
- It was my fault.

217
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,700
I fucking did this.

218
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:20,500
And all I wanna do is grab her, see her.
Tell her that I'm sorry and I can't.

219
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:24,199
She's gone.

220
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,699
Sweetheart, can you speak up?

221
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,799
It's a little hard to hear you
with that pity dick in your mouth.

222
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:31,999
Now look, sugar.

223
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,899
- You need to just keep living.
- Thank you...

224
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:38,200
Matthew McConaughey, your
words are a treasure.

225
00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:39,800
Listen to the pain.

226
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:43,099
It's both history teacher
and fortune-teller.

227
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:46,400
Pain teaches us who we'd all be.

228
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:50,300
Sometimes it's so bad, we
feel like we're dying.

229
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:54,500
But we can't really live 'till
we die a little, can we?

230
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:57,000
Wade?

231
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,700
- Wade?
- I'm right here, Althea.

232
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:06,300
Maybe that's the most beautiful
thing I've ever heard.

233
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,800
You're absolutely right.

234
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,500
I'm about to do
something terrible.

235
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,399
There. All caught up.

236
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,399
You can't really live until
you've died a little.

237
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,800
Let's test that
theory, shall we?

238
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,900
I love you, Wade Wilson.

239
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,200
Ness?

240
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,700
Ness?

241
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:08,100
Ness?

242
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,700
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.

243
00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:15,200
Your heart's not in
the right place.

244
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,600
Wait. Hold on, what?

245
00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:19,700
Your heart's not in
the right place.

246
00:21:19,799 --> 00:21:21,599
Wait, what's that, what
do you mean my heart's

247
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,400
not in the right place?
What does it...

248
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:46,700
I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade.
You're broken.

249
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:50,200
Oh, God. I know that voice.

250
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,999
Heart's in the right place.
Heart's not, what does that mean?

251
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:58,799
You've been sleep
for three days.

252
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:02,099
- I took the liberty of dressing you.
- No shit.

253
00:22:02,100 --> 00:22:05,999
- Why can't I fucking die?
- Take your mask off, Wade.

254
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:09,300
We must talk. You
need fresh start.

255
00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:12,299
With training, you can be X-Man.

256
00:22:12,300 --> 00:22:14,399
You're wasting your
time, shiny Jesus.

257
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,899
- I'm not X-Men material.
- Understatement of the year.

258
00:22:17,900 --> 00:22:20,699
Wade, Yukio. Yukio, Wade.

259
00:22:20,700 --> 00:22:23,399
What, in the
fuck-knuckles is this?

260
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,199
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.

261
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,999
Whoa! Pump the hate
brakes, Fox and Friends.

262
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:32,400
I'm just surprised anyone would date you.
Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony.

263
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:36,499
- I like this guy.
- Give him a chance.

264
00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:40,199
- It's great seeing you like this.
- Yeah...

265
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,299
Bye, Wade!

266
00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:44,100
Now some ground rules
while under our roof.

267
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:48,799
Rule number one: No killing.
Anyone. Ever.

268
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,500
No matter how bad.

269
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:54,700
Rule two: Label everything
in refriger... Wade?

270
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,300
Wade?

271
00:22:57,100 --> 00:23:01,500
Don't try to chase me. Not
ready to be touched yet.

272
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,199
All these elderly white
men on the walls.

273
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,500
Should've brought
my rape whistle.

274
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,800
Those were already damaged
after they fell there.

275
00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:11,900
What am I supposed to
do around here, anyway.

276
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:13,999
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?

277
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:17,099
And how would I do that,
exactly, because...

278
00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:19,599
Where the fuck is everyone?

279
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,799
It's always just you
and Negasonic Teenage.

280
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,099
- Longest Name ever.
- Enough!

281
00:23:24,100 --> 00:23:25,800
I said no touching.

282
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,700
What the... fuck.

283
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,500
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.

284
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,099
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?

285
00:23:35,100 --> 00:23:38,300
How about that pots with the giant
pigeon wings? What do those do in there?

286
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,899
Carry them three feet off the ground
to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb?

287
00:23:41,900 --> 00:23:44,199
No, no, no, no, no. No.

288
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,999
I am not X-men material, at all.

289
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,600
First off...

290
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,600
I'm not even a virgin.
Sceond, and more...

291
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:56,999
I should've left you in the
self-pitying mess I found you in.

292
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,899
But this is what friends do.
They show up.

293
00:23:59,900 --> 00:24:01,700
Not when convenient or easy.

294
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:02,899
When hard.

295
00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:06,000
And you always make it hard.

296
00:24:06,300 --> 00:24:08,700
You are unwell.

297
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,699
I'm sticking my
neck out for you.

298
00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:14,900
One of the assholes who
killed Vanessa got away.

299
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,199
- Jesus Christ.
- Wade.

300
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:24,700
Whoever they are, we track them
down and bring them to justice.

301
00:24:24,900 --> 00:24:26,300
It was me.

302
00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:31,700
I'm the asshole who got away.

303
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,800
I killed every last one of them.
Except me.

304
00:24:34,900 --> 00:24:37,000
Couldn't kill me.

305
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,200
We were gonna start a family.

306
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,500
We were, uhh...

307
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,000
We were gonna be a family.

308
00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:52,200
Wade, Vanessa is gone.

309
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,400
She is not coming back.

310
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,399
This may not be family you want.

311
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,800
But, it's family you need.

312
00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:03,900
You have a good heart. It belongs
here, where it can grow.

313
00:25:04,300 --> 00:25:06,000
What did you say?

314
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,600
About my heart?

315
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,900
I think I'm in the right place.

316
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:31,700
Wade.

317
00:26:32,700 --> 00:26:33,899
Wade!

318
00:26:33,900 --> 00:26:38,400
Hey. I was just taking Cerebro for a
spin here. Looking deep into the future.

319
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,999
- This thing...
- That's not how Cerebro works.

320
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,000
Yes. Yes.

321
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:46,400
- We have mission.
- We have mission. We do.

322
00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:48,599
You do. You guys
stay safe out there.

323
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,300
- No. I want you to join.
- No. You want me to join.

324
00:26:53,100 --> 00:26:55,499
- I'm sorry. What?
- You are ready.

325
00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:57,799
That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.

326
00:26:57,800 --> 00:26:59,799
You wanna know how I know?
I'll give you a hint.

327
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:03,000
It's on my head and smells
like Patrick Stewart.

328
00:27:03,100 --> 00:27:05,200
Be at the X-jet in five.

329
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,499
Irene Merryweather, WHIT News.

330
00:27:10,500 --> 00:27:15,199
Live here on a breaking news situation at
the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation.

331
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,799
A mutant boy is appearing
to have some sort

332
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,299
of an incident with
police here behind me.

333
00:27:20,300 --> 00:27:23,400
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned...

334
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,299
A scene of absolute chaos...

335
00:27:26,300 --> 00:27:29,900
I'll burn you! Just stay back.

336
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:34,000
Get away from me! You
wanna fucking die?

337
00:27:49,100 --> 00:27:55,300
It appears as if the X-Men are arriving
with, what appears to be a trainee.

338
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,600
Everyone calm down.
The pros are here.

339
00:27:59,100 --> 00:28:00,400
We're the X-Men.

340
00:28:00,500 --> 00:28:03,199
A dated metaphor for
racism in the '60s.

341
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,299
So, respect.

342
00:28:05,300 --> 00:28:07,000
At ease, officer.

343
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,000
What are you doing?

344
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:11,500
My job.

345
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,499
You're the one who said I was ready
and I frankly disagreed with you.

346
00:28:14,500 --> 00:28:18,499
But here we are. Trying to overcome
our differences. Like Beyonce says:

347
00:28:18,500 --> 00:28:21,699
"Please. Please stop
cheating on me."

348
00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:22,799
Hey!

349
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:24,299
This is the fifth incident.

350
00:28:24,300 --> 00:28:26,500
This kid needs to be in the Icebox.
Not here.

351
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:29,499
Russell belongs in our care.
Not in prison.

352
00:28:29,500 --> 00:28:31,999
I assure you, we have
everything under control.

353
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,799
Not getting a real "under
control" vibe here, Marty.

354
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,499
- It is Glenn, isn't it?
- Daniel.

355
00:28:37,500 --> 00:28:40,299
I'll ask the questions.
Let me talk to the kid.

356
00:28:40,300 --> 00:28:43,099
You stay here wth your weird...

357
00:28:43,100 --> 00:28:44,900
Secret sex lips.

358
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,299
You wanna die?

359
00:28:48,300 --> 00:28:50,340
He's so adorable. Dunno why
I packed a hollow point.

360
00:28:50,364 --> 00:28:54,200
- I'll burn your balls off.
- First day. I'm so nervous.

361
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:56,399
Did you just say hollow points?

362
00:28:56,400 --> 00:29:00,000
Yeah. Probably should've
brought a super soaker.

363
00:29:00,300 --> 00:29:01,800
Hi, there.

364
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:06,000
Stay back, or
Justin Bieber dies.

365
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:09,200
Justin Bieber. He called
you Justin Bieber.

366
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:13,299
Wait, wait. Okay,
let's not do...

367
00:29:13,300 --> 00:29:15,199
Whatever that is. Okay?

368
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,099
Let's just talk. It's Russell.
Right?

369
00:29:18,100 --> 00:29:20,299
- Firefist.
- Firefist!

370
00:29:20,300 --> 00:29:21,999
That's a great name.

371
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,800
Where does it burn? Just the fist
or all the way up to the elbow?

372
00:29:29,700 --> 00:29:31,399
Definitely all the
way up to the elbow.

373
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,500
Come quietly. Or there
will be trouble.

374
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,700
- You stole that from Robocop.
- Robocop!

375
00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:40,200
Just stand down. You're
embarassing me. Look!

376
00:29:40,300 --> 00:29:42,900
Firefi... Fire...!

377
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,600
I can't say it. I'm so sorry!

378
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,600
Shit. That fucking does it!

379
00:29:53,700 --> 00:29:56,800
Put your hands behind your knees
and get down in your head, now!

380
00:29:56,900 --> 00:29:57,700
Wade!

381
00:29:57,701 --> 00:29:58,999
What was first rule?

382
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:00,699
Label everything in
the refrigerator!

383
00:30:00,700 --> 00:30:03,799
- Do not escalate!
- Rules are meant to be broken!

384
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:07,200
That's the exact opposite
of what they are meant for!

385
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,100
Fuck! Fine.

386
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,099
I'll start from the beginning.

387
00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:14,600
- My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man.
- Trainee!

388
00:30:15,300 --> 00:30:17,100
I get it.

389
00:30:17,500 --> 00:30:19,500
All right? You're scared.

390
00:30:19,700 --> 00:30:20,800
Alone.

391
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:24,699
You got no family? I didn't have a family.
You live in this dump? Well guess what?

392
00:30:24,700 --> 00:30:27,200
I used to live in a
shithole just like it.

393
00:30:27,300 --> 00:30:28,599
But you know something?

394
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:30,199
I think that is worse.

395
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,999
It's a confusing time in your
life right now. Your body...

396
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,500
Is going through
some fiery changes.

397
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,100
Too far. I went too far.

398
00:30:44,500 --> 00:30:46,700
That was effervescent.

399
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:50,900
Stay in school kid. Or don't.
I didn't.

400
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,999
- I'm an X-Man.
- Trainee.

401
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:57,500
Fuck it. Superhero
landing coming up.

402
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:04,700
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
That's so impractical.

403
00:31:24,900 --> 00:31:28,199
- I could get used to this X-Men shit.
- Trainee!

404
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:29,300
Trainee!

405
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,699
- Get a collar and restrain him, now.
- Calm down, squirt.

406
00:31:32,700 --> 00:31:35,400
It's over. We got ya.

407
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:37,699
What's that do?

408
00:31:37,700 --> 00:31:39,499
Power dampening collar.

409
00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:42,399
Shuts down all mutant abilities.
Can't get it off.

410
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,599
Unless you've got a grenade.

411
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:46,900
Could've used one of
those in the first act.

412
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:48,400
Thank you.

413
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:52,199
That was absolutely thrilling.

414
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:56,500
True heroism in action.
We are in your debt.

415
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:58,399
We can take it from here.

416
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:01,999
Take me to the Icebox, please.
Anywhere is better than here.

417
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,899
Believe me son, you do not
wanna go to the Icebox.

418
00:32:04,900 --> 00:32:06,600
Let's get you inside, young man.

419
00:32:06,700 --> 00:32:10,600
No, wait. Wait, you just,
you guys stay there.

420
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,300
Those guys hurt you?

421
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:24,600
Who?

422
00:32:26,900 --> 00:32:30,000
Baldylocks? Jared Kushner?

423
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,299
Fuck it. Four or five moments.

424
00:32:39,300 --> 00:32:41,799
- I'm sorry?
- Four...

425
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,100
Or five moments.

426
00:32:44,900 --> 00:32:48,400
That's all it takes
to be a hero.

427
00:32:48,500 --> 00:32:50,899
People think you wake up a hero.

428
00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:53,099
Brush your teeth a hero.

429
00:32:53,100 --> 00:32:56,400
Ejaculate into a soap
dispenser a hero.

430
00:32:57,300 --> 00:32:59,900
But no. Being a hero

431
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,500
takes only a few moments.

432
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:07,100
Few moments doing the ugly
stuff no one else will do.

433
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:11,500
No!

434
00:33:15,300 --> 00:33:17,799
- Wade, what did you do?
- Colossus, no!

435
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,199
That kid was abused. You can
tell, you can always tell.

436
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,899
We have rules. You are not
judge, jury or executioner.

437
00:33:23,900 --> 00:33:27,099
Fuck your rules. I fight
for what's right.

438
00:33:27,100 --> 00:33:28,799
And sometimes, you
gotta fight dirty.

439
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:32,400
You let me down for
the last time, Wade.

440
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:04,400
I wonder what gang I'll be in.

441
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:09,200
Is there like a sorting hat?

442
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:16,800
Hard left, douchebag.

443
00:34:19,900 --> 00:34:21,800
Please. After you.

444
00:34:22,100 --> 00:34:25,599
Another disgusting mutant off the streets.
God bless America.

445
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,200
It's a good to talk a little.

446
00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:33,100
Nighty-night, you
annoying prick.

447
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:08,999
But I'm gonna tell you
what the big lie is.

448
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:10,299
Toilet paper.

449
00:35:10,300 --> 00:35:13,499
Toilet paper is
certified appetizer.

450
00:35:13,500 --> 00:35:15,300
But then...

451
00:35:15,900 --> 00:35:18,299
Huggies Natural Care wet wipes.

452
00:35:18,300 --> 00:35:21,599
That's your main course. They're soft.
They're moist.

453
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:23,599
They're for babies.

454
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:28,399
And finally. One more patch of toilet paper
made me clear out that excess moisture.

455
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,399
Maybe treat yourself to a glow and
go if you can get you a hair dryer.

456
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,200
Just about thirty seconds
until you get...

457
00:35:37,100 --> 00:35:38,500
What the fuck.

458
00:35:39,700 --> 00:35:41,000
Year?

459
00:35:41,700 --> 00:35:43,000
What?

460
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:45,500
What year is it?

461
00:35:45,700 --> 00:35:48,400
What kind of dumbass
question is that to ask?

462
00:36:06,900 --> 00:36:10,400
- You're a long way from your superpowers.
- Yeah.

463
00:36:10,500 --> 00:36:11,600
Okay.

464
00:36:15,100 --> 00:36:17,299
I wanted to be a superhero.

465
00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:19,899
Always wanted my own supersuit.

466
00:36:19,900 --> 00:36:21,899
What happened?

467
00:36:21,900 --> 00:36:23,940
When's the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?

468
00:36:23,964 --> 00:36:27,864
Never. The industry
discriminates.

469
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:29,700
Fuck superheroes.

470
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:31,400
Fuck everyone.

471
00:36:31,700 --> 00:36:34,499
The first thing I'm gonna do
when I get out of here...

472
00:36:34,500 --> 00:36:39,900
Burn the Headmaster alive, and then take
a selfie with the smoldering corpse.

473
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,399
Who says prison
isn't informative?

474
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,400
Fucker hates mutants.

475
00:36:45,100 --> 00:36:48,799
Blessed are the wicked who
are healed by my hand.

476
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:50,900
Your abilities...

477
00:36:51,900 --> 00:36:55,000
I know how seductive they are.

478
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:58,400
Please, no more crying.

479
00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:08,300
Tomorrow, I'll find the
biggest guy in here.

480
00:37:09,300 --> 00:37:11,100
I'm gonna make him my b...

481
00:37:13,700 --> 00:37:17,800
- What was that?
- That is the biggest guy in here.

482
00:37:18,100 --> 00:37:21,999
Fun fact about the Icebox:
though no one's ever seen it,

483
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,399
they keep a monster
in the basement.

484
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:28,400
Right next to a huge steaming
bowl of foreshadowing.

485
00:37:28,500 --> 00:37:29,500
Look...

486
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:32,699
I can't protect you.

487
00:37:32,700 --> 00:37:36,999
With this collar on, my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.

488
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:40,399
Give me a bow and arrow,
and I'm basically Hawkeye.

489
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:45,799
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got
tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits.

490
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:48,299
I'll start by making us a shank.

491
00:37:48,300 --> 00:37:50,099
Good listening.

492
00:37:50,100 --> 00:37:52,020
I saw that guard's pen and
stashed it in the old,

493
00:37:52,044 --> 00:37:53,999
prison wallet. If you
know what I'm saying?

494
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,100
Prison wallet?

495
00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:59,900
I really hope I don't
know what you're saying.

496
00:38:01,700 --> 00:38:05,000
I can hear you rummaging
around in there.

497
00:38:09,100 --> 00:38:12,000
Here to update you on the
story reported earlier...

498
00:38:12,100 --> 00:38:16,499
After a lengthy stand-off outside the
Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation,

499
00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:19,500
two mutants were arrested and
transported to the Icebox.

500
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,000
Entering repair mode.

501
00:39:04,900 --> 00:39:06,800
Don't. Don't do that.

502
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,200
What? Why are you winking at me?

503
00:39:14,300 --> 00:39:16,899
- I've got your back.
- Oh, my God.

504
00:39:16,900 --> 00:39:20,300
- I said I'm gonna protect you.
- Just leave me alone, kid.

505
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,000
Oh, great.

506
00:39:24,100 --> 00:39:26,899
Well. Look at our new friends.

507
00:39:26,900 --> 00:39:29,799
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.

508
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,200
That's some light
catalogue, but really,

509
00:39:32,300 --> 00:39:34,700
modelling's just a
stepping stone for acting.

510
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:37,100
I wasn't talking to him.

511
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:40,700
Have we met? Can't
place your moustache.

512
00:39:40,900 --> 00:39:43,599
- Black Tom Cassidy.
- White Wade Wilson.

513
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,899
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?

514
00:39:46,900 --> 00:39:49,700
You're supposed to be the
toughest cunt in here.

515
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:52,299
You don't look like much to me.

516
00:39:52,300 --> 00:39:57,300
First rule of the yard, fuck-face. Find
the biggest guy and make him your...

517
00:40:00,700 --> 00:40:05,699
Second biggest guy. The last
thing I need is more hepatitis.

518
00:40:05,700 --> 00:40:08,899
It's slippery, too. This
table needs a wipedown.

519
00:40:08,900 --> 00:40:11,400
Can we get a wipedown
on the table?

520
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:15,599
- Kid, I think you picked the wrong side.
- No I didn't.

521
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:19,600
- He's my friend.
- Zip it. We're not friends.

522
00:40:20,700 --> 00:40:23,200
You're about to get
dick-slapped...

523
00:40:34,300 --> 00:40:38,200
I had so much fun. You were
like, and I was like...

524
00:40:38,300 --> 00:40:42,000
- Please, let me die in peace.
- We make a great team.

525
00:40:42,700 --> 00:40:44,300
We're not a team.

526
00:40:45,300 --> 00:40:49,399
I just saved your back there.
We're friends. Partners.

527
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,200
We're not partners. Or friends.

528
00:40:53,300 --> 00:40:57,399
This doesn't end with us riding into the
sunset. It ends with me dying of cancer.

529
00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:01,100
And you winning the Icebox
award for Softest Mouth.

530
00:41:02,900 --> 00:41:06,700
There's only one person in this world
that I care about, and she's gone.

531
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:10,400
You wanna survive?

532
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:16,300
Stop trying to shank the biggest guys
in here. Make friends with them.

533
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:20,300
Make friends with someone.

534
00:41:20,700 --> 00:41:23,100
Anyone but me.

535
00:41:23,300 --> 00:41:26,300
Maybe even Black Tim.

536
00:41:26,500 --> 00:41:30,800
Black Evan? I don't know. All I
remember is he's African-American.

537
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:30,600
Searching.

538
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:34,100
Cell 0-4. Located.

539
00:42:34,700 --> 00:42:37,200
The door won't open.

540
00:43:15,700 --> 00:43:18,100
That was our cell.

541
00:43:19,500 --> 00:43:23,800
What did I do to piss off a grumpy old
fucker with a Winter Soldier arm?

542
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:34,800
Get away from me, kid.

543
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:43,600
Listen to me, go!

544
00:43:48,500 --> 00:43:50,900
Hello, Russell.

545
00:45:13,300 --> 00:45:15,500
Hello, superpowers.

546
00:45:32,700 --> 00:45:34,499
Who are you?

547
00:45:34,500 --> 00:45:35,900
I'm Batman.

548
00:45:54,100 --> 00:45:56,700
That's got some zip!

549
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:07,600
Don't do that. Even
I can't kill me.

550
00:46:07,700 --> 00:46:08,900
Talk!

551
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:13,100
What kind of spineless shitstick
tries to kill a 14-year old boy?

552
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:15,899
You might wanna start
talking because I got a

553
00:46:15,900 --> 00:46:17,900
long history of firing
at times like this.

554
00:46:18,900 --> 00:46:24,000
The name's Cable. I'm from the future.
Just walk away.

555
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:30,999
So you're from the future. All
right, three questions, then. One...

556
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,399
Is dubstep still a thing?

557
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:37,599
Two. What Sharknado are we on?
And three...

558
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:41,800
At what point do I need to say,
enough with the robotic arms?

559
00:47:23,700 --> 00:47:27,100
- Dubstep's for pussies.
- You're so dark!

560
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:29,999
Are you sure you're not
from the DC Universe?

561
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:32,500
They love dubstep!

562
00:47:57,900 --> 00:48:02,500
Is that a fanny pack? I used to have
one of those in ninety-ninetynever.

563
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:07,099
- Something to remember you by.
- Give me that back.

564
00:48:07,100 --> 00:48:12,200
That goes with me everywhere. Like the
memory of your fucking fanny pack.

565
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,300
Why are you protecting the kid?

566
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:27,000
I don't give a fuck about him.

567
00:48:27,100 --> 00:48:30,100
He's arguably had
a mother complex.

568
00:48:31,500 --> 00:48:34,000
What's this one do?

569
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:50,900
In every film, is a moment when
the hero hits rock bottom.

570
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:54,500
In Cool Runnings, it was when John
Candy's prized bobsled broke.

571
00:48:54,700 --> 00:48:59,400
In Human Centipede, it was when those
people, signed on to be in that movie.

572
00:48:59,500 --> 00:49:03,600
But in this film, well,
you're looking at it.

573
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:09,400
Rock...

574
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:15,000
Meet bottom.

575
00:49:26,100 --> 00:49:27,300
Ness?

576
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:30,100
Hey, Ness!

577
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:33,700
Ness! Can you let me in? Please!

578
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:35,400
Please.

579
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:37,900
Oh, Jesus.

580
00:49:40,500 --> 00:49:44,800
You're not giving a lot of direction here.
I'm at the end of my rope.

581
00:49:46,700 --> 00:49:49,100
I joined the X-Men...

582
00:49:49,300 --> 00:49:51,600
Went to prison, with a...

583
00:49:54,700 --> 00:49:56,500
With a kid.

584
00:49:58,500 --> 00:50:02,500
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.

585
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:04,400
The kid!

586
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:20,699
That's exactly what she meant. Your
heart needs to be in the right place.

587
00:50:20,700 --> 00:50:24,700
I'm not gonna abandon this kid.
He's never had anyone. Ever.

588
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:28,299
- I need to be selfless.
- Yeah. But was does that mean?

589
00:50:28,300 --> 00:50:32,099
It means, I'mma save Russell.

590
00:50:32,100 --> 00:50:34,099
Maybe I couldn't save
Nessa, but maybe I can

591
00:50:34,100 --> 00:50:36,099
save a robust teenager
from New Zealand.

592
00:50:36,100 --> 00:50:40,199
Yeah, what I mean is the word selfless.
I really don't know what that means.

593
00:50:40,200 --> 00:50:42,099
- Jesus Christ.
- Okay.

594
00:50:42,100 --> 00:50:44,199
Look, according to my guy,

595
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:47,999
those muties are being transferred
to a super-max 80 miles away.

596
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:52,000
- Great. I'll pick them off along the way.
- Hold your testicles there, buddy. Okay?

597
00:50:52,100 --> 00:50:56,799
We're talking about an armored convoy. And,
a vicious super-soldier from the future

598
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:59,000
just looking to turn your skull
into a fuckable ashtray.

599
00:50:59,024 --> 00:51:00,499
You know what we need to do?

600
00:51:00,500 --> 00:51:03,599
We need to build a fucking team.
We need them tough,

601
00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:07,399
morally flexible, and young enough so they
can carry this franchise 10 to 12 years.

602
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:11,600
- My body is an instrument of death.
- Not now, Dopinder.

603
00:51:11,700 --> 00:51:15,700
- I could be of great use.
- What's your superpower?

604
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:18,999
That's adorable.

605
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:21,599
You had the courage to
check and see if there're

606
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:24,200
enough sanitary napkins
in the dispenser?

607
00:51:24,300 --> 00:51:27,200
Sorry you had to see that.
No, I'm glad you heard it.

608
00:51:27,900 --> 00:51:32,100
All right, I'll put out a call for resumes.
But we're not paying medical or dental.

609
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:35,000
It's time to get
back on Linkedln.

610
00:52:12,300 --> 00:52:15,500
Transport will begin
at 0800 hours.

611
00:52:16,700 --> 00:52:20,000
- The fuck you want?
- That's my fucking pudding.

612
00:52:20,100 --> 00:52:22,100
Fuck your pudding.

613
00:52:43,300 --> 00:52:44,800
Hello?

614
00:52:46,500 --> 00:52:48,600
I know you're in there.

615
00:53:04,500 --> 00:53:07,100
Must be hard being the
biggest guy in here.

616
00:53:08,100 --> 00:53:09,800
Lonely at the top.

617
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:13,000
They're moving us tomorrow.

618
00:53:14,900 --> 00:53:17,700
Maybe I can get you out of here.

619
00:53:18,100 --> 00:53:21,700
We can make the whole
world our bitch.

620
00:53:22,900 --> 00:53:25,900
We need a secret code.

621
00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:30,300
No, that's stupid, Russell.
You idiot.

622
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:41,299
We're a team. We're like
thugs, we're like gangsters.

623
00:53:41,300 --> 00:53:44,600
I'm like 2Pac, and
you're like Ice Cube.

624
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:49,700
Terrific. These
are all terrific.

625
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:51,599
Meet Bedlam.

626
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:53,899
Cool name. Superpowers?

627
00:53:53,900 --> 00:53:56,699
I can distort electrical fields.

628
00:53:56,700 --> 00:54:02,900
Including the one inside your brain.
Causing anxiety, confusion, pain.

629
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:07,200
So basically, you're Dave Matthews.
We can use him.

630
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:11,200
- I'm Zeitgeist.
- Cool.

631
00:54:11,300 --> 00:54:14,600
I'd like to say you have the
power to put your finger on the,

632
00:54:14,700 --> 00:54:19,600
- the pulse of society?
- No. No, I spit acidic vomit.

633
00:54:20,500 --> 00:54:23,099
- You want me to demonstrate?
- No, we'll take your word for it.

634
00:54:23,100 --> 00:54:25,799
Listen, we're all eating at Arby's.
Okay?

635
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:28,500
This is the Vanisher.

636
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:32,400
But...

637
00:54:33,900 --> 00:54:35,900
Vanisher!

638
00:54:37,700 --> 00:54:40,000
- Nice!
- Right?

639
00:54:40,600 --> 00:54:43,500
- He's not here, is he?
- He may be running late.

640
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:48,899
- My name's Rusty but I go by Shatterstar.
- That's good. Yeah.

641
00:54:48,900 --> 00:54:51,199
Rusty is... terrible.

642
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:54,199
- So, where are you from?
- The planet Mojoworld.

643
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:57,899
So you're an alien, I guess.
How does that help us?

644
00:54:57,900 --> 00:55:00,899
I'm basically better
than you at everything.

645
00:55:00,900 --> 00:55:03,599
For just once I wanna find a
planet with people that are worse

646
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:06,300
than me at everything. Whole
bunch of functional idiots.

647
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:09,599
- I'm gonna go there and be their Superman.
- Isn't that Canada?

648
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:12,500
You shut your goddamn
trash mouth.

649
00:55:13,700 --> 00:55:15,199
- Meet...
- Domino.

650
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:17,300
- What's your shtick?
- I'm lucky.

651
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:19,600
If you're so lucky then what
are you doing here with us?

652
00:55:19,624 --> 00:55:20,400
I don't know yet.

653
00:55:20,500 --> 00:55:23,100
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It means that I don't know yet.

654
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:25,299
But there's a reason why I'm here.
I don't know

655
00:55:25,300 --> 00:55:27,499
why I know. Everything
usually works out for me.

656
00:55:27,500 --> 00:55:30,000
- Luck isn't a superpower.
- Yes, it is.

657
00:55:30,100 --> 00:55:33,399
- No it's not. No-nay. Mario No-pez.
- Yes it is. Hmm-mmm.

658
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:34,400
- Yeah.
- Not-cho cheese.

659
00:55:34,401 --> 00:55:36,399
- No, definitely...
- There's no way...

660
00:55:36,400 --> 00:55:38,720
- I, sorry I was interrupting you.
- No. I interrupted you.

661
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:41,499
- No, no, no. You can go first.
- I was just gonna say, no it's not.

662
00:55:41,500 --> 00:55:44,200
I was gonna just bring it
back to that, yes, it is.

663
00:55:44,299 --> 00:55:46,099
Let's meet in the middle
and say no, it isn't.

664
00:55:46,100 --> 00:55:47,999
But it is.

665
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:49,000
Okay...

666
00:55:49,300 --> 00:55:52,199
- You're hired!
- Oh, lucky me.

667
00:55:52,200 --> 00:55:53,700
She's great.

668
00:55:54,100 --> 00:55:56,900
- And last, but not least.
- Peter.

669
00:55:58,300 --> 00:56:00,600
Are you cat-fished here? Or...

670
00:56:00,900 --> 00:56:04,100
Any powers you wanna tell us about?
Any, uh... Nope?

671
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:09,300
I don't have them. I just saw the
ad and, thought it looked fun.

672
00:56:10,500 --> 00:56:11,599
- You're in.
- Yeah.

673
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:12,700
Fuck!

674
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:22,900
Let's go!

675
00:56:36,300 --> 00:56:39,900
This is convoy 17. Departing the Icebox.
We're inbound.

676
00:56:47,800 --> 00:56:50,500
Peacetime makes people soft.

677
00:56:51,600 --> 00:56:54,000
I was born into war.

678
00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:57,100
Bred into it.

679
00:56:57,400 --> 00:57:00,600
- Okay.
- People think they understand pain.

680
00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:04,600
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?

681
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:08,300
- These strains are pretty...
- I've done a list.

682
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:13,600
We're gonna work down it.
Together.

683
00:57:13,900 --> 00:57:16,900
Number one, I'm gonna
bend something.

684
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:19,399
Something that was
not meant to bend.

685
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:21,699
Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there.
Because I'm not gonna make it to two.

686
00:57:21,700 --> 00:57:24,799
I won't even make it to one. I
don't do well with pain, you know?

687
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:27,399
I'm done for the day.

688
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:29,700
I cried when they
cancelled Felicity.

689
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:33,099
Right. I'm really scared, I get nervous
erections. I got one right now.

690
00:57:33,100 --> 00:57:34,900
Don't look at it, only make it worse.
I don't

691
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:36,899
want you to hurt me and
I'll tell you anything,

692
00:57:36,900 --> 00:57:41,099
anything you wanna know.
Except for where they are.

693
00:57:41,100 --> 00:57:43,799
Russell's in a convoy heading
southbound on Cherry Duggan

694
00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:46,599
parkway. The monster's with him.
I wouldn't fuck with him.

695
00:57:46,600 --> 00:57:50,699
Intercept the convoy. Grab the boy.
Not inappropriately.

696
00:57:50,700 --> 00:57:54,199
Know what, I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool
either. Because he's built a team.

697
00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:56,299
He's unstoppable.

698
00:57:56,300 --> 00:57:58,299
He has an ass-pen. He'll
stab you with it.

699
00:57:58,300 --> 00:58:00,700
Watch out for this guy, Cable.

700
00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:04,199
He's very short. 5'11".
Not like in the comics.

701
00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:06,800
And if we succeed, we'll
all go home early.

702
00:58:06,900 --> 00:58:09,900
So you go after them Cable.
I warn you.

703
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:12,800
There's a wind
advisory in effect.

704
00:58:23,200 --> 00:58:25,400
A little turbulent out there.

705
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:34,799
I don't know much about this
Cable fella, but I guarantee,

706
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:37,500
he hasn't killed as many
people as melanoma has.

707
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:41,999
- We're getting close.
- As a former X-Man...

708
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:43,700
- Trainee.
- Thank you, Bedlam.

709
00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:47,699
I was always appalled by the blatant
sexism in the group's name.

710
00:58:47,700 --> 00:58:49,699
"X-Men?" Men?

711
00:58:49,700 --> 00:58:54,099
The point is our group will be
forward-thinking. Gender neutral.

712
00:58:54,100 --> 00:58:57,400
From now on, we'll
be known as...

713
00:58:58,700 --> 00:59:00,200
X-Force.

714
00:59:00,300 --> 00:59:02,499
Isn't that a little derivative?

715
00:59:02,500 --> 00:59:04,700
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter.

716
00:59:05,500 --> 00:59:07,200
That wasn't me.

717
00:59:13,900 --> 00:59:18,100
Hang along, we are at 1,300 feet.
Intercept the convoy and grab the boy.

718
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:21,799
- Let's bring on the carnage, baby!
- Get me on the ground, watch me go!

719
00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:23,600
- Yeah!
- Woo!

720
00:59:25,700 --> 00:59:29,499
I just... I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.

721
00:59:29,500 --> 00:59:32,599
You know, you guys,
look amazing.

722
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:35,400
Vanisher I have no doubt
you look amazing, too.

723
00:59:35,500 --> 00:59:38,600
If this is the family that I've
always dreamed of having, I had...

724
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,799
Shit. I missed out.

725
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:43,699
I have struggles
with that sometimes.

726
00:59:43,700 --> 00:59:45,599
- I hate to interrupt
but is anybody

727
00:59:45,600 --> 00:59:47,399
nervous about the hard winds?
- Gary.

728
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:50,199
- My name's Peter.
- I realize you're new to this. Relax.

729
00:59:50,200 --> 00:59:53,200
- You've been chosen by a higher power.
- Did he just call himself god?

730
00:59:53,300 --> 00:59:55,299
- I think he did.
- I'd like to go home.

731
00:59:55,300 --> 00:59:58,299
And I'd like the McRib to
be available year-round!

732
00:59:58,300 --> 00:59:59,600
But sometimes...

733
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:03,599
You think we didn't jump out the
plane to get a light breeze?

734
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,999
Cure this shit now, moustache!

735
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:08,100
I'm only yelling to impress
the other guys. I'll

736
01:00:08,200 --> 01:00:10,299
never let anything happen
to you, Sugarbear.

737
01:00:10,300 --> 01:00:13,600
Hit it!

738
01:00:21,100 --> 01:00:24,400
Go! Go! Go!

739
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:00,200
Let's get some!

740
01:01:01,600 --> 01:01:02,999
Oh, yeah!

741
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:06,400
Convoy, 12 o'clock.
On my command.

742
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:08,800
Deploy!

743
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:17,400
A little off-course here.

744
01:01:18,700 --> 01:01:21,700
Holy mommy fucking shit!

745
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:26,800
There they are. Look at these
gorgeous sons of bitches.

746
01:01:27,700 --> 01:01:30,100
Oh, yeah. That's right, Bedlam.

747
01:01:35,700 --> 01:01:38,500
Motherfucking village!

748
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:42,300
Shatterstar. Okay. You got this.

749
01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:45,199
Left. Left!

750
01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:47,900
Left, you idiot!

751
01:01:51,300 --> 01:01:55,000
Well, I guess we found
something you're not good at.

752
01:01:55,900 --> 01:01:57,200
Vanisher.

753
01:01:57,400 --> 01:02:00,200
Maybe the wind can't
blow what it can't see.

754
01:02:02,500 --> 01:02:06,100
Really? All right. We
can do this with four.

755
01:02:06,500 --> 01:02:09,200
Sugarbear. You got this, buddy.

756
01:02:09,300 --> 01:02:12,500
That's the stuff. That's
the X-Force spirit.

757
01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:17,000
Never underestimate a man in a moustache.
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.

758
01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:20,999
- You're a goddamn superhero, you!
- X-Force!

759
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:22,700
X-Force!

760
01:02:32,100 --> 01:02:35,199
- Peter.
- I got you. You'll be fine.

761
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:38,199
You got this big guy.
There we go, Peter!

762
01:02:38,200 --> 01:02:42,100
- We're X-Force, right?
- We're X-Force!

763
01:02:45,100 --> 01:02:47,499
Oh, my God! What the fuck?

764
01:02:47,500 --> 01:02:50,200
Fucking acidic vomit!

765
01:02:51,300 --> 01:02:54,600
Oh, God.

766
01:02:57,100 --> 01:03:01,700
Okay, I'm over the convoy. Where
did the rest of the team land?

767
01:03:01,900 --> 01:03:03,700
Good news and bad news.

768
01:03:03,800 --> 01:03:06,999
The bad news is, the
whole team is dead.

769
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:10,299
The good news is, I don't think
anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar.

770
01:03:10,300 --> 01:03:14,199
- He was a bit of a prick. But Paul!
- Peter.

771
01:03:14,200 --> 01:03:16,299
Peter. We'll miss him most.

772
01:03:16,300 --> 01:03:19,300
But there is a slight chance
Vanisher could make it.

773
01:03:19,600 --> 01:03:22,599
- Nope. No chance. He's dead.
- The whole team?

774
01:03:22,600 --> 01:03:26,099
- Only the main ones, we're still good.
- Fuck, you are dumb.

775
01:03:26,100 --> 01:03:28,499
Even after all this time,
I still can't talk about

776
01:03:28,500 --> 01:03:30,899
it. Who knew these winds
would be so strong?

777
01:03:30,900 --> 01:03:35,300
Everyone. Everyone on the helicopter.
Everyone not on the helicopter.

778
01:03:43,200 --> 01:03:46,600
They're headed into the tunnel.

779
01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:50,800
I'm that kid's only hope. So sit
tight and wait for my word.

780
01:03:51,100 --> 01:03:54,599
Whatever. We're gonna lose them.
I'm dropping in.

781
01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:57,999
That's a negative, sole survivor.
Luck isn't a superpower.

782
01:03:58,000 --> 01:04:02,100
- We are so fucked.
- No. We are certainly not fucked.

783
01:04:04,900 --> 01:04:07,799
Seriously, I don't get it.

784
01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:10,600
What, you shoot luck
lasers out of your eyes?

785
01:04:12,300 --> 01:04:16,800
It's just hard to picture. It's
certainly not very cinematic.

786
01:04:19,100 --> 01:04:21,799
I mean, luck? What coked out,

787
01:04:21,800 --> 01:04:24,199
- Fuck!
- Glass-pipe sucking, freakshow

788
01:04:24,200 --> 01:04:26,599
comic book artist came up
with that little chest turd?

789
01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:29,900
Probably a guy who
can't draw feet!

790
01:04:39,900 --> 01:04:42,600
Once again, it all
falls on my shoulders.

791
01:04:42,700 --> 01:04:45,199
It's why I'm cursed
to be a solo act.

792
01:04:45,200 --> 01:04:47,299
- I'm in.
- I'm sorry. What did you say?

793
01:04:47,300 --> 01:04:50,600
- I'm in.
- How in the fuck are you in already?

794
01:04:50,700 --> 01:04:55,499
- Oh, shit. Cable, 12 o'clock!
- Shit! New plan.

795
01:04:55,500 --> 01:04:59,599
Use all of your imaginary powers to
stop Cable from killing that kid.

796
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:02,100
I'm coming up on your six.

797
01:05:10,600 --> 01:05:13,200
That is amazing!

798
01:05:22,600 --> 01:05:26,700
- Where is he? I can't see him.
- He's on top of you!

799
01:05:28,300 --> 01:05:31,899
He's going in through the back!
Oh, God, he's inside!

800
01:05:31,900 --> 01:05:34,899
- You hear yourself, right?
- Accidental double entendres!

801
01:05:34,900 --> 01:05:39,600
- Russell. Russell Collins!
- Hands off that kid, John Connor!

802
01:05:43,900 --> 01:05:46,000
No, no, no, no!

803
01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:50,700
Shit!

804
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:14,900
Two can play that game.

805
01:06:16,300 --> 01:06:18,499
Got it! No, I don't.

806
01:06:18,500 --> 01:06:21,700
- Showtime, momma!
- Lady luck, take the wheel.

807
01:06:59,600 --> 01:07:01,899
I'd ask who you are but
you'll be dead in seconds.

808
01:07:01,900 --> 01:07:04,300
I'm Domino. And doubtful.

809
01:07:20,300 --> 01:07:25,000
Hang in there, Dom!
This is really hard.

810
01:07:36,100 --> 01:07:38,900
You give me back
my ski-ball token.

811
01:07:41,200 --> 01:07:43,900
- You're doing great.
- X-Force!

812
01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:47,400
I guess dubstep never dies.

813
01:07:59,200 --> 01:08:03,000
You killed Black Tom, you
racist son of a bitch!

814
01:08:04,800 --> 01:08:07,100
That's unfortunate.

815
01:08:09,100 --> 01:08:12,400
- We got no brakes.
- Figure it out.

816
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:18,400
There's nothing I can't kill.

817
01:08:21,300 --> 01:08:24,600
Somebody knows... karate.

818
01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:30,000
Give me your best
shot, one-eyed Willy.

819
01:08:43,700 --> 01:08:45,200
Oww.

820
01:08:45,800 --> 01:08:47,699
Here we go.

821
01:08:47,700 --> 01:08:51,800
- Domino, mind slowing us down?
- Here goes nothing.

822
01:09:23,200 --> 01:09:25,900
Knock, knock.

823
01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:34,800
That's my boy.

824
01:09:39,100 --> 01:09:41,900
Holy...!

825
01:09:50,800 --> 01:09:55,200
I'll be first to admit. This
did not go according to plan.

826
01:09:56,200 --> 01:09:59,600
I'll also be the first to admit that
that plan was written in crayon.

827
01:09:59,700 --> 01:10:02,500
Looks like Russell
found a new friend.

828
01:10:02,900 --> 01:10:07,400
Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass.
And maybe, possibly mildly lucky.

829
01:10:07,500 --> 01:10:10,900
But Cable? Yeesh. That
guy's in the mood.

830
01:10:11,200 --> 01:10:14,800
A mood that is about to
get significantly worse.

831
01:10:37,300 --> 01:10:40,100
There's something that's
terribly, terribly wrong.

832
01:10:46,100 --> 01:10:48,000
Oh, God. That hurt.

833
01:10:56,900 --> 01:11:01,500
Russell? Russell, where are you?

834
01:11:04,100 --> 01:11:05,299
Russell.

835
01:11:05,300 --> 01:11:09,999
Russell, you're okay. Oh, thank Go...
oh, my God!

836
01:11:10,000 --> 01:11:11,700
Juggernaut!

837
01:11:12,700 --> 01:11:16,500
I thought that was you. I
shoulda worn my white pants.

838
01:11:17,400 --> 01:11:21,100
You probably get this a
lot, but I am a huge fan.

839
01:11:21,300 --> 01:11:24,900
Uncanny X-Men, 103, 4411,

840
01:11:25,000 --> 01:11:27,400
X-Men Unlimited 12,
you know it's always

841
01:11:27,500 --> 01:11:29,899
been a dream of mine to see
my face reflected in your

842
01:11:29,900 --> 01:11:32,400
helmet as you charge at
me with murderous intent.

843
01:11:32,500 --> 01:11:34,099
I don't mean right now.

844
01:11:34,100 --> 01:11:39,400
- I'm gonna rip you in half now.
- That's such a Juggernaut thing to say.

845
01:11:42,300 --> 01:11:44,199
Oh, my God!

846
01:11:44,200 --> 01:11:46,900
Oh, God, I can't feel my legs.

847
01:11:48,800 --> 01:11:51,900
Oh, well. They're right here.
Got them.

848
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:52,700
Russell.

849
01:11:52,800 --> 01:11:54,999
I have a mission.

850
01:11:55,000 --> 01:11:56,899
To get my revenge.

851
01:11:56,900 --> 01:12:01,100
- I'm going to burn that Headmaster alive.
- You're not the revenge type.

852
01:12:01,200 --> 01:12:04,399
- Take it from a friend.
- Friend?

853
01:12:04,400 --> 01:12:08,699
You were sick and I protected you.
You said it yourself.

854
01:12:08,700 --> 01:12:10,899
I'm not your friend.

855
01:12:10,900 --> 01:12:13,800
Find someone stronger, so I did.

856
01:12:14,600 --> 01:12:17,500
Russell, I couldn't protect
you back then, but

857
01:12:17,600 --> 01:12:20,500
I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?

858
01:12:20,900 --> 01:12:25,100
I care about you? 'Cause goddammit,
I care about you, Russell.

859
01:12:25,400 --> 01:12:29,000
What's Juggernaut got that I don't have?
Don't you say "legs"!

860
01:12:29,200 --> 01:12:32,299
- I know you're gonna say "legs"!
- Legs!

861
01:12:32,300 --> 01:12:34,600
Still hurts to hear out loud.

862
01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:39,300
What is that? What is tha...
That's not a real rope.

863
01:12:39,400 --> 01:12:41,800
You get back here, young man!

864
01:12:42,100 --> 01:12:43,699
Doms...

865
01:12:43,700 --> 01:12:46,099
Doms, get me out of here please.

866
01:12:46,100 --> 01:12:49,200
Use my arms as backpack straps.

867
01:12:51,400 --> 01:12:54,400
Think we may have found your
cosmic reason for being here.

868
01:12:54,600 --> 01:12:58,100
- Pretty sure this isn't it.
- X-Force.

869
01:13:11,100 --> 01:13:13,299
No child is hopeless.

870
01:13:13,300 --> 01:13:15,140
- Don't give up on the boy.
- How could he just

871
01:13:15,200 --> 01:13:19,000
walk away? There was
coldness in his eyes.

872
01:13:19,300 --> 01:13:21,400
You should have heard it.

873
01:13:23,100 --> 01:13:25,800
I guess family
really is an F-word.

874
01:13:26,100 --> 01:13:28,499
Rub my legs, mama?

875
01:13:28,500 --> 01:13:29,999
Mama not rub your legs.

876
01:13:30,000 --> 01:13:33,500
Please. It hurt. I
have growing pains.

877
01:13:35,900 --> 01:13:37,400
What in the?

878
01:13:37,600 --> 01:13:40,499
Why is your hand so
tiny, and your...

879
01:13:40,500 --> 01:13:44,700
- That's not my hand.
- Oh, Mary mother of Joseph!

880
01:13:44,800 --> 01:13:47,799
- That was nice for me.
- Wade!

881
01:13:47,800 --> 01:13:50,700
Hey, I heard what happened
with the convoy and...!

882
01:13:53,500 --> 01:13:56,099
Why wouldn't you cover that up?

883
01:13:56,100 --> 01:13:58,499
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.

884
01:13:58,500 --> 01:14:02,699
Not if you do it. Look at you, you're
just straight-shirt cocking it?

885
01:14:02,700 --> 01:14:06,000
- Toddler-style?
- Oh, yeah. Full Winnie The Pooh.

886
01:14:06,100 --> 01:14:07,799
What the hell's happening?
Describe it.

887
01:14:07,800 --> 01:14:09,599
I wouldn't ask him to
do that if I were you.

888
01:14:09,600 --> 01:14:12,600
- Here we go.
- It's like he was giving birth anally

889
01:14:12,700 --> 01:14:14,999
but they quit halfway through.
They got the legs out

890
01:14:15,000 --> 01:14:17,040
- and they said, "you know what? I'm done."
- Happy?

891
01:14:17,100 --> 01:14:19,799
It's like he's a muppet from
the waist down but this time,

892
01:14:19,800 --> 01:14:22,999
you can see the muppet's dick. God,
he's got a cock the size of...

893
01:14:23,000 --> 01:14:26,700
double-park. I got three written...
What?

894
01:14:27,500 --> 01:14:30,199
No. No. No. DP, not again.

895
01:14:30,200 --> 01:14:32,400
This has happened before?

896
01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:35,599
Jesus! Either vomit or don't.
The decision is killing me.

897
01:14:35,600 --> 01:14:38,000
Why couldn't God
take my hearing.

898
01:14:40,600 --> 01:14:43,199
- Wow.
- Cool your pants. They're growing back.

899
01:14:43,200 --> 01:14:45,100
I'm talking about your face.

900
01:14:45,200 --> 01:14:48,100
I've never seen you without
your mask before. Jesus Christ!

901
01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:51,300
- Looks like an avocado.
- Your legs, though. They're cute.

902
01:14:51,400 --> 01:14:53,600
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?

903
01:14:54,800 --> 01:14:58,700
I'm glad everybody dropped by. You must
be wondering why I didn't call you here.

904
01:14:58,800 --> 01:15:02,599
I'll tell you why I'm here.
The time-traveler's wife's

905
01:15:02,600 --> 01:15:05,699
husband beat me within an inch of my life.
He was torturing me.

906
01:15:05,700 --> 01:15:08,699
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.

907
01:15:08,700 --> 01:15:11,600
So, I'm here to help us gear up.

908
01:15:11,700 --> 01:15:13,999
- So we can go after him without me.
- No.

909
01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:17,599
I'm doing this alone. The
Juggernaut will kill you all.

910
01:15:17,600 --> 01:15:19,920
I'll just need a couple of hours
to get some legs under me.

911
01:15:19,944 --> 01:15:21,099
What will you do?

912
01:15:21,100 --> 01:15:24,000
I don't care what the kid did to me.
I won't let Cable get to him

913
01:15:24,100 --> 01:15:25,799
even if I have to
teabag him to death.

914
01:15:25,800 --> 01:15:27,520
It's really just a sip
of tea at this point.

915
01:15:27,544 --> 01:15:29,464
Zip it, Black-Black Widow.
I'm flowing. The first

916
01:15:29,500 --> 01:15:31,399
order of business is to
get me in front of Cable

917
01:15:31,400 --> 01:15:33,499
so I can put all the
fucking blood out of his

918
01:15:33,500 --> 01:15:35,699
body and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.

919
01:15:35,700 --> 01:15:37,599
Then, I'm gonna take his skin.

920
01:15:37,600 --> 01:15:41,000
And stretch it out over
our homemade mating drum.

921
01:15:41,900 --> 01:15:44,500
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?

922
01:15:52,300 --> 01:15:54,399
What in the ass.

923
01:15:54,400 --> 01:15:57,299
Is this apartment listed on Tinder?
Grindr?

924
01:15:57,300 --> 01:16:00,800
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.

925
01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:03,800
Is that really necessary?

926
01:16:05,300 --> 01:16:08,399
No. It's his Basic Instinct.

927
01:16:08,400 --> 01:16:10,200
What can we help you with?

928
01:16:10,300 --> 01:16:12,800
I'm here to proposition you.

929
01:16:14,400 --> 01:16:17,899
- He's really teeing it up, is he?
- He gets to make the first joke.

930
01:16:17,900 --> 01:16:19,660
I think we shot through
him at the same time.

931
01:16:19,684 --> 01:16:20,299
Good call.

932
01:16:20,300 --> 01:16:21,799
For $45 you get sucky-suck...

933
01:16:21,800 --> 01:16:24,299
- I only do over the pants. Mouths step...
- Fuck!

934
01:16:24,300 --> 01:16:26,699
The Proposition has a wonderful
Guy Pearce performance.

935
01:16:26,700 --> 01:16:28,499
Wait, wait, wait. I
wanna do mine over.

936
01:16:28,500 --> 01:16:29,599
Give us the line again?

937
01:16:29,600 --> 01:16:31,100
I need your help!

938
01:16:31,200 --> 01:16:33,799
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are.

939
01:16:33,800 --> 01:16:36,699
But you unleashed the
Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!

940
01:16:36,700 --> 01:16:38,899
I can't bring him down alone.

941
01:16:38,900 --> 01:16:41,100
So here we are.

942
01:16:41,900 --> 01:16:45,400
Well we're no longer accepting
applications for X-Force, unfortunately.

943
01:16:45,500 --> 01:16:46,899
Even if we were...

944
01:16:46,900 --> 01:16:48,499
There's a wind
advisory in effect...

945
01:16:48,500 --> 01:16:51,699
We don't have a lot of time. Your
friend's about to make his first kill.

946
01:16:51,700 --> 01:16:53,200
No offense, but if
you know so much,

947
01:16:53,300 --> 01:16:55,800
why not travel back to when he
was a baby and kill him then?

948
01:16:55,900 --> 01:16:58,260
Or better yet, head back a little further.
Kill baby Hitler.

949
01:16:58,284 --> 01:17:00,399
I use a device to
slide through time.

950
01:17:00,400 --> 01:17:02,999
The longer I travel, the
harder it is to control.

951
01:17:03,000 --> 01:17:07,300
I got two charges. One to get
me here, one to get me home.

952
01:17:07,700 --> 01:17:10,399
That's just lazy writing.

953
01:17:10,400 --> 01:17:12,999
Your boy's gonna kill the Headmaster
in the orphanage tonight.

954
01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:15,499
After that, he gets a
real taste for it.

955
01:17:15,500 --> 01:17:18,099
Like 10-year old Kirsten
Dunst, motherfucker.

956
01:17:18,100 --> 01:17:21,200
So he keeps killing.
And killing.

957
01:17:21,800 --> 01:17:23,200
And killing.

958
01:17:23,300 --> 01:17:27,100
Until one day he kills the
wrong fucking people.

959
01:17:28,700 --> 01:17:30,300
My people.

960
01:17:33,700 --> 01:17:35,299
Relax.

961
01:17:35,300 --> 01:17:38,099
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.

962
01:17:38,100 --> 01:17:42,799
It's a goddamn fanny pack and you
know it, you sick son of a bitch.

963
01:17:42,800 --> 01:17:45,200
The difference is night and day.

964
01:17:46,600 --> 01:17:48,800
You remind me of my wife.

965
01:17:49,400 --> 01:17:51,699
- I'm sorry?
- I said, you remind me of my...

966
01:17:51,700 --> 01:17:53,799
No, I'm sorry that you said that.
While making

967
01:17:53,800 --> 01:17:55,899
heavy eye contact and
applying lip balm.

968
01:17:55,900 --> 01:17:57,800
She always joked.

969
01:17:58,000 --> 01:17:59,699
And she was funny.

970
01:17:59,700 --> 01:18:02,700
She filtered her pain.
Replaced it with humor.

971
01:18:02,800 --> 01:18:05,599
Something I could never master.

972
01:18:05,600 --> 01:18:08,400
It was my fault she died.

973
01:18:09,600 --> 01:18:13,100
It was my job to stop
people like him.

974
01:18:13,400 --> 01:18:17,300
I came close, a few times.

975
01:18:19,400 --> 01:18:22,300
I wasn't too happy about that.

976
01:18:22,900 --> 01:18:26,900
But he was trying to hurt me and
he knew exactly how to do it.

977
01:18:30,500 --> 01:18:34,400
Blessed are the wicked who
are healed by my hand.

978
01:18:36,800 --> 01:18:39,100
He came into my home...

979
01:18:39,200 --> 01:18:42,300
And took the only thing
that made it a home.

980
01:18:46,300 --> 01:18:50,000
- Sound familiar?
- I'm sorry.

981
01:18:50,600 --> 01:18:52,600
No. I'm really sorry.

982
01:18:54,100 --> 01:18:56,200
But that isn't Russell.

983
01:18:56,459 --> 01:18:58,699
- It doesn't have to be him.
- If you knew what I knew...

984
01:18:58,700 --> 01:19:03,499
Yeah. He's got anger issues. Maybe a small
learning disability. A splash of diabetes.

985
01:19:03,500 --> 01:19:06,599
- But nothing that can't be fixed...
- If you can go back...

986
01:19:06,600 --> 01:19:09,299
And stop the people that
took your girl, would you?

987
01:19:09,300 --> 01:19:11,500
Of course, I fucking would.

988
01:19:11,600 --> 01:19:14,900
- But I wouldn't kill a kid.
- I'm not asking you to kill the kid.

989
01:19:15,000 --> 01:19:16,599
I'll kill the kid.

990
01:19:16,600 --> 01:19:20,099
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.

991
01:19:20,100 --> 01:19:22,699
Russell's gonna burn
down that orphanage.

992
01:19:22,700 --> 01:19:25,099
And I can imagine your
dead girlfriend would've

993
01:19:25,100 --> 01:19:27,500
wanted you to do the right
thing, wouldn't she?

994
01:19:27,800 --> 01:19:31,199
So what's it gonna be, handsome?

995
01:19:31,200 --> 01:19:33,499
- Give me a chance to save him.
- What?

996
01:19:33,500 --> 01:19:36,199
You said it. Once he kills
someone, he gets a taste for it.

997
01:19:36,200 --> 01:19:40,299
If we can get to him before that happens,
promise you'll give me a chance,

998
01:19:40,300 --> 01:19:43,299
- to put him on a different path.
- Define "chance".

999
01:19:43,300 --> 01:19:45,620
I don't know. How long does it
take to save someone's soul?

1000
01:19:45,700 --> 01:19:48,499
- I give you 30 seconds.
- That... what? No.

1001
01:19:48,500 --> 01:19:50,800
Best I can do. Take
it or leave it.

1002
01:20:01,200 --> 01:20:03,700
He's doing it. Look
at the little fella.

1003
01:20:03,800 --> 01:20:06,299
He's doing it. Here it comes.

1004
01:20:06,300 --> 01:20:07,799
Jesus Christ.

1005
01:20:07,800 --> 01:20:10,400
Just shirt cockin'.

1006
01:20:11,100 --> 01:20:15,199
Here you go, little fella.
Go on, you're doing it.

1007
01:20:15,200 --> 01:20:18,600
You beautiful, hairless,
twizzler-legged baby boy.

1008
01:20:20,500 --> 01:20:21,500
Christ.

1009
01:20:21,501 --> 01:20:22,999
That's disturbing.

1010
01:20:23,000 --> 01:20:25,300
Thirty seconds.

1011
01:20:29,800 --> 01:20:32,400
- Deal.
- Deal.

1012
01:20:34,000 --> 01:20:38,400
- I have no idea what's happening.
- Probably for the best.

1013
01:20:39,800 --> 01:20:43,099
And that, is why you never
eat a raw starfish.

1014
01:20:43,100 --> 01:20:44,700
It's just common sense.

1015
01:20:45,700 --> 01:20:47,200
Where the hell are we going?

1016
01:20:47,300 --> 01:20:50,399
You said it yourself. Nothing
can stop the Juggernaut.

1017
01:20:50,400 --> 01:20:52,199
We need backup.

1018
01:20:52,200 --> 01:20:54,100
I will bathe in the
blood of your enemies.

1019
01:20:58,300 --> 01:21:00,700
Can you turn off the music?

1020
01:21:01,000 --> 01:21:03,400
You will do no such thing.

1021
01:21:03,500 --> 01:21:05,699
Why don't you just say
it in an Indian accent?

1022
01:21:05,700 --> 01:21:07,299
What the hell are you...

1023
01:21:07,300 --> 01:21:09,020
Once again, intolerance
rears its ugly head.

1024
01:21:09,044 --> 01:21:10,499
I'm so sorry. It gets better.

1025
01:21:10,500 --> 01:21:12,499
I'm not a fucking
racist, you moron.

1026
01:21:12,500 --> 01:21:15,199
Tell it to Black Tom. He
was like a brother to me.

1027
01:21:15,200 --> 01:21:18,600
I'm with the old white guy on this one.
Not such a waste.

1028
01:21:18,700 --> 01:21:21,599
So what exactly do you do
in this future anyway, huh?

1029
01:21:21,600 --> 01:21:22,699
Some kind of soldier?

1030
01:21:22,700 --> 01:21:24,599
Yeah. Something like that.

1031
01:21:24,600 --> 01:21:26,799
I was a soldier. Special Forces.

1032
01:21:26,800 --> 01:21:29,199
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.

1033
01:21:29,200 --> 01:21:31,599
50 years from now,
you're very dead.

1034
01:21:31,600 --> 01:21:34,499
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.

1035
01:21:34,500 --> 01:21:35,400
Boom!

1036
01:21:35,500 --> 01:21:36,700
Spoiler alert!

1037
01:21:38,300 --> 01:21:39,700
Planets.

1038
01:21:39,800 --> 01:21:41,300
Next time, Uber.

1039
01:21:41,400 --> 01:21:43,299
Here's a spoiler alert:

1040
01:21:43,300 --> 01:21:45,799
You're not a fucking hero.

1041
01:21:45,800 --> 01:21:49,400
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.

1042
01:21:49,600 --> 01:21:52,299
Well I got news for you. My
heart's in the right place.

1043
01:21:52,300 --> 01:21:53,999
Russell's not gonna kill anyone.

1044
01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:56,499
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.

1045
01:21:56,500 --> 01:22:00,000
Because of you, I'll always know what a
grown man with baby balls looks like.

1046
01:22:00,100 --> 01:22:02,500
I'm a grower. Not a shower.

1047
01:22:02,600 --> 01:22:05,100
- I should've finished college.
- Right here!

1048
01:22:22,800 --> 01:22:25,199
I've made mistakes.

1049
01:22:25,200 --> 01:22:28,499
I wanna take it back.
You trusted me,

1050
01:22:28,500 --> 01:22:33,000
I took that trust and turned it into
a glory hole in an airport bathroom.

1051
01:22:33,100 --> 01:22:34,799
The one in Minneapolis.

1052
01:22:34,800 --> 01:22:36,499
You know the one.

1053
01:22:36,500 --> 01:22:37,999
Colossus?

1054
01:22:38,000 --> 01:22:40,399
I wouldn't ask for your help
unless it was life or death.

1055
01:22:40,400 --> 01:22:42,499
That kid needs our help.

1056
01:22:42,500 --> 01:22:45,999
I know you're listening. He's
teamed up with the Juggernaut.

1057
01:22:46,000 --> 01:22:49,099
The Juggernaut! That's like my
favorite Marvel character ever

1058
01:22:49,100 --> 01:22:53,100
but you should never meet your heroes.
Because honestly, he's a bit of a dick.

1059
01:22:53,200 --> 01:22:55,699
And like a lot of dicks,
he's as hard as a rock

1060
01:22:55,700 --> 01:22:57,699
and causes nothing but problems!

1061
01:22:57,700 --> 01:22:59,599
- Hi, Wade!
- Hi, Yukio.

1062
01:22:59,600 --> 01:23:01,999
You guys make a super cute couple.
Yeah.

1063
01:23:02,000 --> 01:23:04,999
Where was I? Oh, yeah.
Colossus, look...

1064
01:23:05,000 --> 01:23:07,699
I don't deserve your
friendship, or your help.

1065
01:23:07,700 --> 01:23:09,400
But this kid does.

1066
01:23:09,500 --> 01:23:12,400
And I'm not gonna bail on
him like everyone else.

1067
01:23:14,000 --> 01:23:16,200
Oh, come on.

1068
01:23:20,200 --> 01:23:24,799
Any chance Pigeon-wings is available?
That's just fine.

1069
01:23:24,800 --> 01:23:27,299
That's fine. No, you know what?

1070
01:23:27,300 --> 01:23:31,099
Doing the right thing is
sometimes messy and fucked up,

1071
01:23:31,100 --> 01:23:33,699
and not particularly convenient.

1072
01:23:33,700 --> 01:23:36,699
So stay here, in
Chateau des Virgin,

1073
01:23:36,700 --> 01:23:39,700
while we go get our fuck on.

1074
01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:44,300
You're doing great.

1075
01:23:49,000 --> 01:23:52,300
So you wear that helmet because your
brother tries to read your mind?

1076
01:23:52,400 --> 01:23:55,699
Yeah, but he's in a
wheelchair, so even steven.

1077
01:23:55,700 --> 01:23:58,299
Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.

1078
01:23:58,300 --> 01:24:00,599
And he's not alone.

1079
01:24:00,600 --> 01:24:03,000
Secure the children.

1080
01:24:06,300 --> 01:24:09,299
What do you say we go
fuck some shit up?

1081
01:24:09,300 --> 01:24:10,900
"Let's fuck some shit up",

1082
01:24:11,000 --> 01:24:13,200
is my legal middle name.

1083
01:24:16,300 --> 01:24:19,299
Watch my back. I
got the old man.

1084
01:24:19,300 --> 01:24:21,300
Amen, brother.

1085
01:24:26,900 --> 01:24:28,799
Time to get the chimichangas.

1086
01:24:28,800 --> 01:24:30,400
Thirty seconds.

1087
01:24:31,000 --> 01:24:33,600
I finally know why I'm here.

1088
01:24:33,700 --> 01:24:35,700
I was raised in this place.

1089
01:24:35,800 --> 01:24:37,999
But... not raised.
I was tortured.

1090
01:24:38,000 --> 01:24:41,399
Wow. It's your cosmic reason
for being here. Shall we?

1091
01:24:41,400 --> 01:24:43,499
This is gonna be fun!

1092
01:24:43,500 --> 01:24:46,099
Hey. Been meaning to ask
you, what's with the,

1093
01:24:46,100 --> 01:24:48,699
creepy, dirty hobo-bear?

1094
01:24:48,700 --> 01:24:52,400
That's not dirt. That's the
blood of my dead daughter.

1095
01:24:54,500 --> 01:24:56,399
I get gluten sensitivity.

1096
01:24:56,400 --> 01:25:00,200
One glass of wine would just...
Yeah.

1097
01:25:03,700 --> 01:25:06,700
Wish we could head back in
time and take all that back.

1098
01:25:06,800 --> 01:25:08,700
We should just cue the music.

1099
01:25:33,300 --> 01:25:35,199
Welcome home, Russell.

1100
01:25:35,200 --> 01:25:37,100
We missed you.

1101
01:25:37,300 --> 01:25:39,700
Russell! You don't
need to do this.

1102
01:25:39,800 --> 01:25:41,300
Let's talk.

1103
01:25:41,700 --> 01:25:44,300
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?

1104
01:25:47,200 --> 01:25:49,599
- That's why.
- This little fucker's too far gone.

1105
01:25:49,600 --> 01:25:52,600
Zip it, Thanos. We have a deal.
You...

1106
01:25:52,900 --> 01:25:53,900
Hey!

1107
01:25:53,901 --> 01:25:58,300
I'm gonna shove that cab
driver right up your ass.

1108
01:25:58,400 --> 01:26:00,799
My modelling hands are so soft.

1109
01:26:00,800 --> 01:26:04,000
- You should probably head back to the car.
- I think I'll head back to the car.

1110
01:26:04,900 --> 01:26:08,000
It works best when you
pull the trigger.

1111
01:26:10,600 --> 01:26:13,000
Your gun's amazing.

1112
01:26:13,200 --> 01:26:14,700
Say it!

1113
01:26:16,600 --> 01:26:20,000
You are an abomination!

1114
01:26:27,000 --> 01:26:30,199
Now I'm gonna shove the
red guy up the old guy.

1115
01:26:30,200 --> 01:26:32,900
I believe him. Every
man for themselves!

1116
01:26:37,200 --> 01:26:38,800
Gotcha!

1117
01:26:42,900 --> 01:26:45,999
You okay, big guy? The
sun's getting real low.

1118
01:26:46,000 --> 01:26:48,200
Ah, shit-fucker.

1119
01:27:01,300 --> 01:27:03,200
Come on, beautiful.

1120
01:27:04,800 --> 01:27:06,300
Say it!

1121
01:28:04,800 --> 01:28:06,499
You came for me.

1122
01:28:06,500 --> 01:28:10,199
I'm not giving up on you and
you're not giving up on that boy.

1123
01:28:10,200 --> 01:28:12,199
Who says that rules aren't
meant to be broken?

1124
01:28:12,200 --> 01:28:14,699
It's time to fight dirty.

1125
01:28:14,700 --> 01:28:16,900
- Time to see the light, Johnny.
- Hey!

1126
01:28:17,000 --> 01:28:20,999
- Pick on someone your own size.
- That's such a you thing to say.

1127
01:28:21,000 --> 01:28:23,000
Go get 'em, tiger!

1128
01:28:23,100 --> 01:28:26,000
Big CGI fight coming up.

1129
01:28:48,000 --> 01:28:50,600
- He's doing great.
- Say it!

1130
01:28:54,600 --> 01:28:57,000
- Russell.
- Bingo!

1131
01:29:11,700 --> 01:29:12,799
Great.

1132
01:29:12,800 --> 01:29:15,799
Bunch of armed pedophiles
in nursing shoes.

1133
01:29:15,800 --> 01:29:18,899
- Can I have one of those guns?
- No.

1134
01:29:18,900 --> 01:29:20,600
That's fine.

1135
01:29:21,400 --> 01:29:24,900
Just gonna use this brick.
Maximum effort.

1136
01:29:30,600 --> 01:29:33,500
Who says you can't
go home again?

1137
01:29:52,900 --> 01:29:54,499
Say it.

1138
01:29:54,500 --> 01:29:57,899
Say what you say everytime
you torture me.

1139
01:29:57,900 --> 01:29:58,999
Say it!

1140
01:29:59,000 --> 01:30:02,900
Blessed are the wicked who are healed!
By my hand!

1141
01:30:03,400 --> 01:30:08,900
Blessed are the wicked, who
are healed by my hand.

1142
01:30:26,900 --> 01:30:29,300
Carny motherfucker!

1143
01:30:55,300 --> 01:30:57,999
Oh my God. Did you
feel that, too?

1144
01:30:58,000 --> 01:31:01,200
Only best buddies execute
pedophiles together.

1145
01:31:03,200 --> 01:31:07,200
- You got 30 seconds, you butt-plug.
- Now you're getting it!

1146
01:31:11,100 --> 01:31:14,000
I need a bus to get
you all out of here.

1147
01:31:19,000 --> 01:31:20,900
Orphans...

1148
01:31:21,000 --> 01:31:22,800
Oh, geez.

1149
01:31:23,800 --> 01:31:25,599
It's time...

1150
01:31:25,600 --> 01:31:27,699
To burn for what you've done!

1151
01:31:27,700 --> 01:31:29,800
A child should not be
burdened with such power.

1152
01:31:37,800 --> 01:31:39,900
Russell! Wait!

1153
01:31:53,500 --> 01:31:56,499
- Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet.
- What more do you need to see?

1154
01:31:56,500 --> 01:31:58,899
Don't you fucking dare!
He's just a kid.

1155
01:31:58,900 --> 01:32:01,300
Tick-tock. He is one.

1156
01:32:13,400 --> 01:32:16,800
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.

1157
01:32:36,700 --> 01:32:39,800
- I told you! Leave me alone!
- Come on.

1158
01:32:39,900 --> 01:32:42,200
Listen to me.

1159
01:33:04,900 --> 01:33:08,000
That's how we do it
in Mother Russia.

1160
01:33:09,200 --> 01:33:12,500
They say millenials are
the hardest to reach.

1161
01:33:17,900 --> 01:33:20,900
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangstah.

1162
01:33:21,000 --> 01:33:24,900
Go home, Wade. You're
ruining everything.

1163
01:33:30,100 --> 01:33:33,000
- I'm getting good at this shit.
- Go, go, go, go, go!

1164
01:33:36,000 --> 01:33:40,200
He dies tonight, Wade.
You can't stop me.

1165
01:33:40,500 --> 01:33:42,599
He even runs like a
fucking pervert.

1166
01:33:42,600 --> 01:33:45,500
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.

1167
01:33:46,200 --> 01:33:48,499
I have one bullet
left in that gun.

1168
01:33:48,500 --> 01:33:51,300
Wait, wait, wait. Please just
give me a second. I got this.

1169
01:33:51,900 --> 01:33:54,000
Stay back! Go home, Wade.

1170
01:33:54,100 --> 01:33:56,400
Let's talk! There's
nothing going his way.

1171
01:33:56,800 --> 01:33:58,400
That piece of shit...

1172
01:33:58,500 --> 01:34:01,099
He deserves to die for what he did to you.
He hurt you.

1173
01:34:01,100 --> 01:34:02,000
Badly.

1174
01:34:02,001 --> 01:34:04,400
Makes you wanna hurt others.

1175
01:34:04,500 --> 01:34:06,299
But if you kill him, he wins.

1176
01:34:06,300 --> 01:34:08,399
You become everything
he says you are,

1177
01:34:08,400 --> 01:34:10,000
but worse.

1178
01:34:10,100 --> 01:34:11,700
You're just a kid.

1179
01:34:11,900 --> 01:34:13,900
You don't wanna hurt anyone.

1180
01:34:14,000 --> 01:34:17,499
- How do you know what I want?
- Because I've been inside you.

1181
01:34:17,500 --> 01:34:21,299
That came out wrong. I've
been inside your shoes.

1182
01:34:21,300 --> 01:34:24,699
Which, is also off-putting.
It's not a good analogy.

1183
01:34:24,700 --> 01:34:26,600
The point is...

1184
01:34:26,700 --> 01:34:28,399
There are people.

1185
01:34:28,400 --> 01:34:32,699
There are people in this
fucking world besides him,

1186
01:34:32,700 --> 01:34:37,100
who will treat you right. It
isn't too late. Don't do it.

1187
01:34:41,800 --> 01:34:44,500
I never should've
left you there.

1188
01:34:46,500 --> 01:34:49,000
I never should have
left you there.

1189
01:34:55,500 --> 01:34:57,900
I can't trust you.

1190
01:34:58,300 --> 01:35:01,300
I can't trust anybody!

1191
01:35:09,800 --> 01:35:13,400
- Wonderful, kid.
- You can't stop me, Wade!

1192
01:35:15,200 --> 01:35:17,200
I got one more idea.

1193
01:35:17,800 --> 01:35:21,399
- It's just a really bad one, even for me.
- Wade, what are you doing?

1194
01:35:21,400 --> 01:35:24,099
Alright, this is for
all the marbles, kid.

1195
01:35:24,100 --> 01:35:26,499
You gonna trust someone tonight?

1196
01:35:26,500 --> 01:35:30,000
- Blessed are the wicked...
- Then it's gotta be me.

1197
01:35:31,000 --> 01:35:33,700
Who are healed by my hand!

1198
01:36:39,100 --> 01:36:42,200
Tell me, they got
that in slow-motion.

1199
01:36:46,700 --> 01:36:49,100
That's not good.

1200
01:36:50,000 --> 01:36:51,700
No, sir.

1201
01:36:59,000 --> 01:37:03,399
- You sacrificed yourself, for me?
- Yeah.

1202
01:37:03,400 --> 01:37:05,900
And it was the best
thing I ever did.

1203
01:37:07,700 --> 01:37:09,800
I told you I care about you.

1204
01:37:09,900 --> 01:37:12,600
You're a good kid, Russell.

1205
01:37:13,400 --> 01:37:14,600
Hey.

1206
01:37:15,700 --> 01:37:18,600
The bear. It worked.

1207
01:37:25,300 --> 01:37:26,999
Because of you.

1208
01:37:27,000 --> 01:37:30,099
No, Wade. Because of you.

1209
01:37:30,100 --> 01:37:33,399
Stop. Stop! Stop. Stop.

1210
01:37:33,400 --> 01:37:36,399
Just... Just let it happen.

1211
01:37:36,400 --> 01:37:38,499
Okay? I guess...

1212
01:37:38,500 --> 01:37:41,300
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.

1213
01:37:41,500 --> 01:37:44,100
That riddle is so fucked up.

1214
01:37:48,300 --> 01:37:49,999
I'm sorry.

1215
01:37:50,000 --> 01:37:51,800
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't be.

1216
01:37:51,900 --> 01:37:54,400
Don't be. I've been trying to
make this happen for a while.

1217
01:37:54,500 --> 01:37:57,899
Yeah. Please, just, don't leave. I
don't wanna die without an audience.

1218
01:37:57,900 --> 01:38:00,399
- We are not going anywhere.
- Oh, God.

1219
01:38:00,400 --> 01:38:02,800
The Academy is watching.

1220
01:38:04,700 --> 01:38:06,300
Papa?

1221
01:38:08,300 --> 01:38:11,100
Papa can you hear me?

1222
01:38:12,500 --> 01:38:15,700
Papa can you find me?

1223
01:38:39,500 --> 01:38:42,199
Before I go, sorry...

1224
01:38:42,200 --> 01:38:44,999
I got a bit more in me.
Domino...

1225
01:38:45,000 --> 01:38:49,600
I want you, to have my
Adventure Time watch.

1226
01:38:51,800 --> 01:38:55,200
Sounds like that
I'm the lucky one.

1227
01:38:55,800 --> 01:38:57,600
Thank you.

1228
01:38:58,100 --> 01:39:01,200
Hey, Sabrina the
teenage witch...

1229
01:39:01,700 --> 01:39:04,400
It has been a pleasure.

1230
01:39:05,400 --> 01:39:07,999
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade!

1231
01:39:08,000 --> 01:39:13,300
Yeah... And you! Chrome-bone.

1232
01:39:13,800 --> 01:39:19,000
I haven't always been the best friend to
you, but you've always been that to me.

1233
01:39:19,200 --> 01:39:21,400
So thank you.

1234
01:39:22,500 --> 01:39:24,700
Say 'fuck' for me.

1235
01:39:25,200 --> 01:39:29,700
Just once. Come on. We'll do it together.
It's no big deal. Here we go. 1, 2, 3...

1236
01:39:31,500 --> 01:39:34,499
- Fuck.
- Wow. Enjoy hell.

1237
01:39:34,500 --> 01:39:38,800
Swamp-mouth. And you. Cable.

1238
01:39:40,200 --> 01:39:44,000
You get back to your family.
You tell them Wade says 'hi'.

1239
01:39:44,300 --> 01:39:48,000
And promise me. Promise
me one thing...

1240
01:39:48,300 --> 01:39:51,099
That you'll start judging people
not by the color of their skin

1241
01:39:51,100 --> 01:39:53,500
but by the content
of their character.

1242
01:39:53,800 --> 01:39:55,000
Jesus.

1243
01:39:57,600 --> 01:39:58,900
Hey.

1244
01:39:59,300 --> 01:40:02,200
You're a superhero now, bubba.

1245
01:40:02,300 --> 01:40:03,700
Look...

1246
01:40:03,800 --> 01:40:05,099
Family,

1247
01:40:05,100 --> 01:40:08,400
is not an F-word, all right?

1248
01:40:08,800 --> 01:40:11,000
Just keep looking, okay?

1249
01:40:13,800 --> 01:40:17,000
Guys? For a second there...

1250
01:40:17,400 --> 01:40:20,200
We would've made a
pretty good team.

1251
01:40:34,600 --> 01:40:36,700
Oh, it's so hard to go!

1252
01:40:38,100 --> 01:40:41,100
I just love being with
all you guys so much.

1253
01:40:41,700 --> 01:40:43,500
So, so much.

1254
01:40:45,000 --> 01:40:47,700
Oh, I can feel it now.
Here it comes. Yeah.

1255
01:40:47,800 --> 01:40:51,700
Feel the soul,
exiting the husk...

1256
01:40:54,600 --> 01:40:56,700
Can you see it?

1257
01:40:57,200 --> 01:40:59,500
Do you see that
beautiful bright light?

1258
01:41:00,400 --> 01:41:02,600
There it is.

1259
01:41:08,200 --> 01:41:11,100
No, that's the sun. Don't
stare directly into that.

1260
01:41:11,300 --> 01:41:13,400
I'd just like a few
final words...

1261
01:41:15,000 --> 01:41:16,800
Woodpecker.

1262
01:41:17,000 --> 01:41:18,800
Gingivitis.

1263
01:41:20,400 --> 01:41:22,500
Codswallop.

1264
01:41:26,200 --> 01:41:29,000
Do you wanna build a snowman?

1265
01:42:58,000 --> 01:43:00,899
Sorry I'm late. There
was a bunch of...

1266
01:43:00,900 --> 01:43:04,100
Handicappable children
stuck in a tree. No.

1267
01:43:05,000 --> 01:43:07,999
- But I did have to help a kid.
- Yeah.

1268
01:43:08,000 --> 01:43:10,100
- He's got a terrible name.
- Just awful.

1269
01:43:10,200 --> 01:43:12,400
I tried to tell him.

1270
01:43:13,200 --> 01:43:15,100
Is this heaven?

1271
01:43:15,400 --> 01:43:17,300
It is now.

1272
01:43:20,200 --> 01:43:22,400
I'm so sorry.

1273
01:43:22,900 --> 01:43:24,600
It's okay.

1274
01:43:44,000 --> 01:43:46,800
I missed you so much.

1275
01:43:51,700 --> 01:43:53,800
What is it? What's wrong?

1276
01:43:54,700 --> 01:43:56,900
It's not time.

1277
01:43:57,100 --> 01:43:59,299
What do you mean, it's not time?

1278
01:43:59,300 --> 01:44:01,000
I'm here. I made it.

1279
01:44:01,100 --> 01:44:03,599
- You can't stay.
- No, no, no. I'm staying.

1280
01:44:03,600 --> 01:44:05,600
I'm not going
anywhere without you.

1281
01:44:05,700 --> 01:44:06,999
It's okay.

1282
01:44:07,000 --> 01:44:09,900
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.

1283
01:44:10,700 --> 01:44:13,600
- They need you.
- Who?

1284
01:44:15,100 --> 01:44:16,900
Your F-word.

1285
01:44:17,900 --> 01:44:20,900
- Why?
- You'll find out.

1286
01:44:22,000 --> 01:44:24,500
It's all right. I'll be here.

1287
01:44:24,900 --> 01:44:26,800
I love you.

1288
01:44:28,600 --> 01:44:30,399
I know.

1289
01:44:30,400 --> 01:44:33,800
I love you, too. Now, go.

1290
01:44:34,100 --> 01:44:36,800
Go on. Go, get out of here.

1291
01:44:37,700 --> 01:44:38,700
Go.

1292
01:44:41,400 --> 01:44:43,000
Hey.

1293
01:44:45,100 --> 01:44:48,000
Kiss me like you miss me, Red.

1294
01:44:48,100 --> 01:44:49,700
Well, come here.

1295
01:45:08,500 --> 01:45:10,099
Don't fuck Elvis.

1296
01:45:10,100 --> 01:45:11,699
Don't fuck Colossus.

1297
01:45:11,700 --> 01:45:13,000
What?

1298
01:45:21,400 --> 01:45:23,099
Time to make the chimichangas.

1299
01:45:23,100 --> 01:45:23,800
Thirty seconds.

1300
01:45:23,801 --> 01:45:26,000
Hey, been meaning to ask you.
What's with the...

1301
01:45:26,100 --> 01:45:27,699
Creepy, dirty hobo-bear?

1302
01:45:27,700 --> 01:45:29,799
That's my daughter's Teddy bear.

1303
01:45:29,800 --> 01:45:33,300
- Her name's Hope.
- Oh.

1304
01:45:33,500 --> 01:45:37,400
What are you doing?
Somebody swiped right.

1305
01:45:49,600 --> 01:45:52,500
Tell me they got
that in slow-motion.

1306
01:45:55,200 --> 01:45:58,800
- You sacrificed yourself for me?
- Hey, what's here? I...

1307
01:46:01,100 --> 01:46:02,200
Huh.

1308
01:46:03,000 --> 01:46:05,400
Genuine high-grade lead.

1309
01:46:07,600 --> 01:46:10,500
You time-sliding son of a bitch.

1310
01:46:10,600 --> 01:46:12,800
You did this for me?

1311
01:46:13,600 --> 01:46:15,099
Wait...

1312
01:46:15,100 --> 01:46:17,099
You can't go back.

1313
01:46:17,100 --> 01:46:19,899
You used the last of your fuel.
What about your girl and wife?

1314
01:46:19,900 --> 01:46:21,899
No, my family's safe.

1315
01:46:21,900 --> 01:46:24,600
And I didn't do it for you.

1316
01:46:24,900 --> 01:46:27,499
Now I'm gonna stick
around for a while.

1317
01:46:27,500 --> 01:46:30,800
Make sure the world doesn't
shit itself into oblivion.

1318
01:46:31,500 --> 01:46:36,000
- Aww. You did it for me.
- No, I didn't.

1319
01:46:36,300 --> 01:46:37,699
- You did.
- I didn't.

1320
01:46:37,700 --> 01:46:39,700
- Pretty sure you did.
- No, I'm positive I didn't.

1321
01:46:39,724 --> 01:46:41,624
Fine. Alright. Let's
flip a coin, okay?

1322
01:46:41,700 --> 01:46:44,400
Heads, did it for me,
tails, you did it for me.

1323
01:46:44,500 --> 01:46:47,300
I'm not even gonna look
because you did it for me.

1324
01:46:47,399 --> 01:46:48,799
- Say it again.
- You did it for me.

1325
01:46:48,800 --> 01:46:50,399
- Jesus.
- We must get the collar off.

1326
01:46:50,400 --> 01:46:53,299
Forget it. It's no use. These
collars don't just come off.

1327
01:46:53,300 --> 01:46:56,800
Wade... I have an idea.

1328
01:46:57,200 --> 01:46:59,399
Oh, no, no, no, no. Let's
not do that, please.

1329
01:46:59,400 --> 01:47:02,400
I'd rather die of cancer.
That's just... Oh, God.

1330
01:47:02,500 --> 01:47:05,200
They do say, the pen is
grosser than the sword.

1331
01:47:06,000 --> 01:47:08,500
- We need the code.
- Try, uhh...

1332
01:47:08,700 --> 01:47:10,900
- Seven?
- Settle down, Captain Lucky.

1333
01:47:11,000 --> 01:47:14,200
It's not gonna be one number.
God, that's lazy writing.

1334
01:47:14,500 --> 01:47:16,400
Still got it.

1335
01:47:18,800 --> 01:47:21,500
Put that back in
your prison wallet.

1336
01:47:22,500 --> 01:47:26,400
I don't know how to thank you,
but I do know how to hug you.

1337
01:47:26,500 --> 01:47:28,700
- No.
- Yes. Here we go.

1338
01:47:28,800 --> 01:47:32,200
Bring it in. Come on.
Pelvis to pelvis.

1339
01:47:32,300 --> 01:47:36,300
Let's go tip-to-tip. There we go.
The kids call this "docking".

1340
01:47:37,700 --> 01:47:40,400
- Is there a knife in my dick?
- There's a knife in your dick. Yeah.

1341
01:47:40,500 --> 01:47:43,400
Just get back up a little.
Already did a full Yentl.

1342
01:47:43,500 --> 01:47:45,800
Pretend like that
never happened.

1343
01:47:45,900 --> 01:47:48,000
Let's go home, Russell.

1344
01:47:51,400 --> 01:47:55,800
All you dirty mutants are gonna
rot in hell with the boy.

1345
01:47:55,900 --> 01:47:58,899
Your souls are
beyond redemption.

1346
01:47:58,900 --> 01:48:02,299
- Let's see your soul, perv!
- No! No, no more.

1347
01:48:02,300 --> 01:48:04,499
We're better than that.
We're better than him.

1348
01:48:04,500 --> 01:48:07,299
No more senseless violence,
no more bloodshed.

1349
01:48:07,300 --> 01:48:10,199
- We'll let karma take care of him.
- The day of reckoning,

1350
01:48:10,200 --> 01:48:12,000
is here!

1351
01:48:21,200 --> 01:48:23,600
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.

1352
01:48:23,700 --> 01:48:26,099
Woo! There it is, motherfuckers!

1353
01:48:26,100 --> 01:48:27,700
I think I'm a motherfucker.

1354
01:48:27,800 --> 01:48:31,299
I can hear you counting the last 30
seconds like a monkey, it was...!

1355
01:48:31,300 --> 01:48:32,800
I want some more.

1356
01:48:32,900 --> 01:48:34,899
I bet you do, Brown Panther.

1357
01:48:34,900 --> 01:48:37,999
We should leave before
Fuckernaut wakes up.

1358
01:48:38,000 --> 01:48:40,399
Good call. You guys
coming with us?

1359
01:48:40,400 --> 01:48:42,899
No. We'll get the kids
back to the mansion.

1360
01:48:42,900 --> 01:48:45,499
- Besides, we're X-Men.
- No.

1361
01:48:45,500 --> 01:48:48,300
- You're X-People.
- You're X-hausting.

1362
01:48:48,400 --> 01:48:50,999
I see what you did there. Puns.

1363
01:48:51,000 --> 01:48:53,300
- Bye, Wade!
- Bye, Yukio.

1364
01:48:55,500 --> 01:48:57,999
What do you get when you
take 8 feet of chrome,

1365
01:48:58,000 --> 01:49:00,799
one pinch of courage,
a cup of good luck,

1366
01:49:00,800 --> 01:49:03,299
a dab of racism, a
splash of diabetes,

1367
01:49:03,300 --> 01:49:06,099
and a wheelbarrow full
of stage-four cancer?

1368
01:49:06,100 --> 01:49:08,800
Answer: a family.

1369
01:49:08,900 --> 01:49:11,900
See? I didn't lie on what
kind of film this was.

1370
01:49:12,000 --> 01:49:13,599
If there's anything
you take away today,

1371
01:49:13,600 --> 01:49:16,400
other than the need to google,
"what the fuck is dubstep",

1372
01:49:16,500 --> 01:49:19,800
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.

1373
01:49:22,400 --> 01:49:25,900
Subbed by: iamdepressed