1 00:00:48,890 --> 00:00:50,900 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 2 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,300 Hey, babe. So happy to see you! 3 00:00:58,290 --> 00:01:01,290 Hi! I got your flowers. That was so sweet of you. 4 00:01:01,290 --> 00:01:02,790 Of course. Well, I know you're finishing 5 00:01:02,790 --> 00:01:04,240 your Global Health paper today 6 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,130 and you've been working really hard on it. 7 00:01:06,130 --> 00:01:10,220 Well, I'm almost done, so, maybe 8 00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:14,720 you want to come over and Netflix and chill and... 9 00:01:15,220 --> 00:01:16,140 What? 10 00:01:16,470 --> 00:01:19,060 You mean you want to fuck? 11 00:01:19,060 --> 00:01:21,060 I did not say that! (LAUGHS) 12 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:22,560 Oh, my God! I know. 13 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,150 No! I was being more subtle than that! 14 00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,230 I know. I'm sorry. 15 00:01:25,230 --> 00:01:27,320 Yes, I am so down for that. 16 00:01:27,820 --> 00:01:29,320 It's been like three fucking days. 17 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:32,320 My balls are so blue right now, 18 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:33,820 like dark blue, Uh-oh. 19 00:01:33,820 --> 00:01:34,820 like almost black. 20 00:01:34,820 --> 00:01:37,330 No, I'm fucking serious. Here, check it out. 21 00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:39,830 I believe you. (LAUGHING) I believe you. 22 00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:40,610 Okay. 23 00:01:40,910 --> 00:01:42,910 I'll see your almost-black balls later. 24 00:01:42,910 --> 00:01:44,000 Cool, Steph. 25 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,950 Come over any time after 6:00. Okay, hun? 26 00:01:46,290 --> 00:01:47,880 Okay. Dude, we are going to Netflix 27 00:01:47,870 --> 00:01:50,870 and chill this shit so hard. 28 00:01:50,870 --> 00:01:53,840 Peaky Blinders. Kimmy Schmidt! 29 00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:55,710 Movember's over. 30 00:01:55,710 --> 00:01:58,680 Time to shave the pornstache. 31 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,770 Sorry. Making a Murderer! 32 00:02:01,770 --> 00:02:03,270 Narcos! (LAUGHING) 33 00:02:03,270 --> 00:02:06,220 Stranger Things! 34 00:02:06,220 --> 00:02:08,220 Black balls! 35 00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:26,620 SCOTTY: Anyways, Ned followed his dreams 36 00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:28,640 and turned a run-down old printing press 37 00:02:28,630 --> 00:02:29,830 into the industry powerhouse 38 00:02:29,830 --> 00:02:32,250 known today as the Fleming Company. 39 00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:33,750 (ALL CHEERING) Best boss in the world! 40 00:02:34,050 --> 00:02:35,970 The Fleming Company! 41 00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:37,300 SCOTTY: We're talking 42 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,720 brochures for Steelcase furniture, 43 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,720 half the specialty jobs in Grand Rapids 44 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:45,230 and who could forget the Domino's Pizza circular? 45 00:02:46,810 --> 00:02:47,900 (WHOOPING) 46 00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:49,760 But before all that... 47 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:53,030 Ned met a young Michigan Wolverine, Barbara Welsh. 48 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:54,990 How did this older guy get me? 49 00:02:54,990 --> 00:02:58,770 Ned took her on their first date to see his favorite band... 50 00:02:58,940 --> 00:03:02,110 Kiss! Kiss! 51 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:03,530 My favorite band, too! 52 00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:04,910 Rock and roll! 53 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:06,160 A few years later, 54 00:03:06,670 --> 00:03:08,540 the stork brought my sister, Stephanie. 55 00:03:08,830 --> 00:03:09,920 ALL: Aw! 56 00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:12,920 WOMAN: She's so cute. 57 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,960 SCOTTY: They weren't close at all. 58 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,340 Oh, dropping her off hat school. Yeah. 59 00:03:17,540 --> 00:03:20,010 Then came me, Scotty F. 60 00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:21,430 Did we have another child? 61 00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:23,430 I forgot about that second baby. Oh, we had another child. 62 00:03:23,430 --> 00:03:24,520 Anyways, Big Cheese. 63 00:03:26,890 --> 00:03:27,970 I'm sorry, guys. 64 00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:29,800 I promised myself I wasn't gonna do this. 65 00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:31,110 ALL: Aw... 66 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:32,970 But I love you, Dad. Happy Birthday. 67 00:03:32,970 --> 00:03:34,390 Way to go, Scotty! 68 00:03:34,390 --> 00:03:35,890 I love you, too, buddy. 69 00:03:35,890 --> 00:03:37,900 Thank you. Wow! (ALL APPLAUDING) 70 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:39,560 That was fantastic. 71 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,460 We've got one last surprise for you. 72 00:03:41,620 --> 00:03:42,700 That's right. Ladies and gentlemen, 73 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,650 live from her dorm room at Stanford... 74 00:03:44,990 --> 00:03:46,570 it's my sister, Stephanie! 75 00:03:47,070 --> 00:03:49,240 (ALL CHEERING) 76 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:50,540 Hi, everyone! Hey, honey! 77 00:03:51,910 --> 00:03:53,490 Hey, Steph! Hey, it's Kevin! 78 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,310 STEPHANIE: Hi, Kevin! Kevin. 79 00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:57,220 Can we see? Sorry. 80 00:03:57,550 --> 00:03:59,130 Hi, Momma. Hi! 81 00:03:59,130 --> 00:04:00,640 Hi, Dad. 82 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,590 The birthday boy. 83 00:04:01,970 --> 00:04:03,050 Hey, honey. 84 00:04:03,050 --> 00:04:04,670 You guys look like you're having so much fun. 85 00:04:05,170 --> 00:04:06,510 And I wish I could be there with you. 86 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,340 She's so sweet. 87 00:04:08,340 --> 00:04:09,730 Yeah. Get out. 88 00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:11,980 Yeah, I just wanted to say, Dad, that I love you. 89 00:04:12,260 --> 00:04:13,350 I love you, too, honey. 90 00:04:13,730 --> 00:04:14,770 I love you more. No, you don't. 91 00:04:15,150 --> 00:04:16,320 Love you to the moon and back. 92 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,190 I'll let you win this round. Okay, Pops? 93 00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:19,190 (LAUGHS) 94 00:04:19,190 --> 00:04:21,160 Even though you're now like... 95 00:04:22,660 --> 00:04:23,570 ...ancient. 96 00:04:23,910 --> 00:04:25,240 You are still... 97 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:26,490 What are you doing here? 98 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,090 LAIRD: You asked me to come over. 99 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,500 STEPHANIE: You're early. I said after 6:00. 100 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:30,870 LAIRD: All right. Give me a sec, 101 00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:31,950 I'm on the phone. LAIRD: Got it. 102 00:04:31,950 --> 00:04:32,950 STEPHANIE: Sorry. It's just my friend. Anyway. 103 00:04:33,370 --> 00:04:36,960 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 104 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,920 (ALL EXCLAIMING) Oh, my goodness. 105 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,210 Oh, Laird, what are you... 106 00:04:40,210 --> 00:04:41,430 LAIRD: Go finish your call. 107 00:04:41,430 --> 00:04:43,510 I'm just getting ready to Netflix and chill, baby. 108 00:04:43,510 --> 00:04:44,800 No, not now, Laird. Oh, my goodness. 109 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,100 LAIRD: Kimmy Schmidt! 110 00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:47,130 STEPHANIE: Pull up your pants. Marco Polo. 111 00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:48,930 Oh, my God! (ALL GROANING) 112 00:04:50,140 --> 00:04:51,480 How do you make it stop? (CAMERA CLICKS) 113 00:04:51,470 --> 00:04:53,050 Whoa, whoa, Mom, you just took a screenshot. 114 00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:55,440 ♪ Happy, happy birthday Happy, happy birthday 115 00:04:55,690 --> 00:04:56,640 Kevin, help her out. Kevin. 116 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:58,890 ♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday ♪ 117 00:04:58,890 --> 00:05:00,400 (ALL EXCLAIMING) (BARB SCREAMING) 118 00:05:06,070 --> 00:05:07,900 (CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 119 00:05:09,650 --> 00:05:13,490 ♪ Mi oh my, it's a wonderful life 120 00:05:13,490 --> 00:05:18,330 ♪ It's a wonderful life with you by my side 121 00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:22,050 ♪ Mi oh my, it's a wonderful life 122 00:05:22,330 --> 00:05:26,840 ♪ It's a wonderful life with you by my side ♪ 123 00:05:27,170 --> 00:05:28,760 Hey, there he is. Happy birthday, Big Cheese. 124 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:29,760 Thanks, Jim. 125 00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:32,510 Jerry. Hey, Ned. 126 00:05:32,510 --> 00:05:34,010 Fun dinner last night. Hey, Jerry. 127 00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:35,010 Thanks. Lou. 128 00:05:35,010 --> 00:05:36,400 Hey, Cheese, can I have a minute? 129 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,400 Sure. Good morning, Joyce. 130 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:39,900 Great party. 131 00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:41,400 Hold all his calls. 132 00:05:44,070 --> 00:05:45,660 NED: You gotta be kidding me. 133 00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:47,440 Big Lots is bailing out on us? 134 00:05:47,660 --> 00:05:49,160 We've had that account since '06. 135 00:05:49,530 --> 00:05:51,110 They're moving all their print work to China. 136 00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:52,580 Oh, God. 137 00:05:52,580 --> 00:05:55,580 Cheese, we're already getting pummeled by Evite, Stamp-Free 138 00:05:55,580 --> 00:05:56,920 and the rest of those dot-coms. 139 00:05:57,170 --> 00:05:59,590 And at this rate, we'll be Chapter 11 by March. 140 00:05:59,870 --> 00:06:00,960 What about Dick's Sporting Goods? 141 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,960 Well, I mean, I'm still trading calls with my guy. 142 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,260 But, Ned, can I be honest with you? 143 00:06:06,460 --> 00:06:08,050 I can't keep this from Patty much longer. 144 00:06:08,050 --> 00:06:11,550 Lou, haven't I kept us going? 145 00:06:11,550 --> 00:06:13,850 Yeah. I mean, it's what you do. 146 00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:16,600 I just need a little more time. That's all. 147 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,620 You are the maestro. 148 00:06:18,610 --> 00:06:21,110 Maybe you'll pull off a Christmas miracle. 149 00:06:21,110 --> 00:06:23,480 Yeah. Yeah. 150 00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:25,780 By the way, good job keeping that game face last night. 151 00:06:25,780 --> 00:06:26,730 Oh. Thanks. 152 00:06:27,230 --> 00:06:28,230 That was some shindig, man. 153 00:06:28,230 --> 00:06:29,230 Yeah, it was fun. 154 00:06:29,230 --> 00:06:31,240 Well, till the kid had his farter 155 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:32,740 all over the screen in 3-D. 156 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:34,120 I was like, "Whoa! 157 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,710 "That's a lot, man." 158 00:06:35,710 --> 00:06:36,740 NED: And get this... 159 00:06:36,740 --> 00:06:38,330 Stephanie now wants us to fly out... 160 00:06:38,330 --> 00:06:41,160 to meet the man behind the crack over the holidays. 161 00:06:41,380 --> 00:06:42,460 With everything that's going on here, 162 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:43,920 that's the last thing I want to do. 163 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:45,470 Well, hold on now. 164 00:06:45,470 --> 00:06:47,420 This is the first serious boyfriend? 165 00:06:47,420 --> 00:06:50,000 Yeah. Apparently. 166 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,520 I mean, it's so strange. 167 00:06:52,510 --> 00:06:55,890 I mean, Stephanie and I have always been so close. 168 00:06:56,260 --> 00:06:58,850 And yet she has never even mentioned this guy. 169 00:06:58,850 --> 00:07:00,260 That's the way it goes, Cheese. 170 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,680 I thought I knew everything about Lou Junior, 171 00:07:03,180 --> 00:07:04,350 when he was down at Ohio State. 172 00:07:04,350 --> 00:07:05,940 Out of nowhere, 173 00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:07,740 he comes dragging home this Buckeye 174 00:07:07,990 --> 00:07:10,860 that he's been dating for over a year. 175 00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:12,280 No. Yeah. 176 00:07:12,530 --> 00:07:15,830 Nice girl, but still. She's so controlling. 177 00:07:15,830 --> 00:07:17,200 I'm sorry. I don't mean it like that 178 00:07:17,530 --> 00:07:18,620 because I don't know her that well. 179 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:20,120 But I don't like her. 180 00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:21,590 I don't. Lou. 181 00:07:21,590 --> 00:07:23,590 It's just what happens, you know? 182 00:07:23,590 --> 00:07:25,590 Lou, what is the point of all this? 183 00:07:25,590 --> 00:07:27,090 Go out there and meet him. 184 00:07:27,430 --> 00:07:29,260 I know we going through a lot right now 185 00:07:29,510 --> 00:07:32,880 but hell, Lou Junior is talking about getting married in May. 186 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:33,680 Married. 187 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,180 Once they're not under your roof, 188 00:07:36,180 --> 00:07:38,100 there's no telling what they're into. 189 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:39,520 Oh, uh, that reminds me. 190 00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:41,020 He does want you to speak at the wedding 191 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,520 and say some kind words. Oh. 192 00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,990 I told him that I would talk to you about it. 193 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:49,060 And they'd like to get married at your house in the backyard. 194 00:07:49,060 --> 00:07:51,030 Well... But anyway... 195 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:55,240 I'm just saying you might want to get out there and meet this kid. 196 00:07:55,540 --> 00:07:56,570 Because, I mean, you saw it. 197 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,920 You saw it, he's a free spirit. 198 00:07:59,820 --> 00:08:00,830 You mean... 199 00:08:00,830 --> 00:08:02,580 You heard him come into the room. 200 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,380 He came in there guns blazing. 201 00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:07,630 He had that revved up energy where he was like... 202 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,080 bow-bow-bow-bow. 203 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,590 He just wants to go and go and go... 204 00:08:11,590 --> 00:08:13,590 and just morning, noon and night, 205 00:08:13,590 --> 00:08:15,090 and "Stephanie, here I am. 206 00:08:15,090 --> 00:08:17,930 "Stephanie, here I come. I'm coming again." 207 00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:19,730 I remember being that age, don't you? 208 00:08:19,730 --> 00:08:21,230 Just always ready. 209 00:08:21,230 --> 00:08:23,900 (EXCLAIMING) 210 00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:25,320 (TIRES SCREECH) 211 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,910 (WOMAN SINGING) ♪ Come on, it's lovely weather 212 00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:33,160 ♪ For a sleigh ride together with you ♪ 213 00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:35,440 Thanks for coming. 214 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:40,710 Oh, gosh, it is so gorgeous here. 215 00:08:40,950 --> 00:08:42,950 I'm very excited that you guys are all out here. 216 00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:44,340 BARB: We're very excited. 217 00:08:44,340 --> 00:08:46,040 There's a few things that I wanna tell you about Laird 218 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:49,040 that I didn't feel like getting into over the phone because... 219 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,540 Watch, honey... 220 00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:51,960 You missed our exit. 221 00:08:52,260 --> 00:08:53,260 STEPHANIE: Actually, I missed it on purpose. 222 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,690 Laird and I thought, 223 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,680 it'd be better if we all stayed at his house. 224 00:08:57,680 --> 00:08:58,800 NED: His house? 225 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,770 When did this come up? Did you know about this? 226 00:09:00,770 --> 00:09:03,850 Are you sure his parents have enough room? 227 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:05,360 I mean, he doesn't live with his parents. 228 00:09:05,860 --> 00:09:08,140 Honey, we're not gonna be comfortable at some crash pad. 229 00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:10,730 He lives by himself. It's not a crash pad, 230 00:09:10,730 --> 00:09:12,230 but it's much nicer than the Sheraton. 231 00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:13,730 NED: Nicer than the club floor? 232 00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:15,230 I smooth-talked the manager. 233 00:09:15,230 --> 00:09:17,740 We got a suite at the regular rate. 234 00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,570 What? That's what I'm talking about, Big Cheese. 235 00:09:19,870 --> 00:09:21,540 That is impressive. We have to turn back. 236 00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:23,120 Free continental breakfast. Yes. 237 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,740 Mint on the pillow, turndown service, 238 00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:25,740 all things available at the Sheraton. 239 00:09:25,740 --> 00:09:27,500 I mean, is your lover going to have that? 240 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,710 Your lover? Your lover? 241 00:09:30,050 --> 00:09:32,050 We already all know that you've seen his penis. 242 00:09:32,050 --> 00:09:33,000 STEPHANIE: What? Scott! 243 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,250 SCOTTY: What? 244 00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:37,670 (R&B MUSIC PLAYING) 245 00:09:38,170 --> 00:09:41,730 ♪ Sleigh bells ring Are you listening 246 00:09:41,730 --> 00:09:42,730 BARB: Well, this is cute. 247 00:09:43,230 --> 00:09:44,730 STEPHANIE: Actually, this is the gatehouse. 248 00:09:45,230 --> 00:09:46,680 NED: Gatehouse? 249 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:50,020 ♪ A beautiful sight We're happy tonight 250 00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:51,100 SCOTTY: What the heck? 251 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,070 Is that a facial recognition scanner? 252 00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:55,360 Mmm-hmm. 253 00:09:55,690 --> 00:09:56,940 That's so cool. 254 00:09:56,940 --> 00:10:02,200 ♪ Gone away is the bluebird Here to stay is the new bird 255 00:10:02,580 --> 00:10:04,250 The hedge is moving. 256 00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:08,000 ♪ He sings a love song As we go along 257 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,450 ♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪ 258 00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:13,840 Honey, who exactly are you dating? 259 00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:15,680 Laird started this company called Guerrilla Gang. 260 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:17,630 You play Ape Assassins, right? 261 00:10:17,630 --> 00:10:18,600 Are you kidding me? 262 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,130 Yeah, that was my jam in the eighth grade. 263 00:10:20,130 --> 00:10:21,130 Great, that's him. 264 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,430 So, he makes video games? 265 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,300 SCOTTY: Apps, Dad. STEPHANIE: This is it! 266 00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:26,890 BARB: This is his house? Mmm-hmm. 267 00:10:26,890 --> 00:10:29,440 Are you sure this isn't an Apple Store or something? 268 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:30,520 (IN A GERMAN ACCENT) Oh, my God. 269 00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,320 What is up, you gang? 270 00:10:32,310 --> 00:10:33,640 STEPHANIE: I know! 271 00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:35,560 The Flemings are here. You have arrived! 272 00:10:35,980 --> 00:10:37,950 Hi, buddy. Hi. 273 00:10:38,230 --> 00:10:40,070 Hello, sweetheart. 274 00:10:40,070 --> 00:10:42,490 Don't touch anything. How was traffic? 275 00:10:42,490 --> 00:10:43,370 It was okay. Hi, they're here! 276 00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:44,660 NED: Hello. 277 00:10:44,870 --> 00:10:45,910 Hello to you, Ned Fleming. 278 00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:48,880 Barbara. Yes. 279 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,910 You are perfect. 280 00:10:51,330 --> 00:10:53,160 Well, thank you. Oh, my God. 281 00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:55,080 And this must be the main man. Scotty, huh? 282 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,550 Yup. All right. Hey. (LAUGHS) 283 00:10:57,550 --> 00:10:58,970 Who are you? STEPHANIE: Gustav. 284 00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:01,340 I am Gustav. Yes. 285 00:11:01,340 --> 00:11:03,340 I never know how to describe you. 286 00:11:03,340 --> 00:11:06,340 Um, well, estate manager is cool, Stephy, yes. 287 00:11:06,340 --> 00:11:07,600 That works. 288 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,680 I used to run the Four Seasons group in Asia 289 00:11:10,100 --> 00:11:11,680 but after some point, you know, 290 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,270 the corporate life becomes a bit of a snooze-fest. 291 00:11:13,270 --> 00:11:15,190 You know, "Tiffany's this, Cartier that." 292 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,740 But, you know. Just dot, dot, dot. Enough already. 293 00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:19,520 You know what I'm talking about, Ned. 294 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,030 Oh, yeah. Sure. (GUSTAV LAUGHS) 295 00:11:21,030 --> 00:11:22,080 Boring. 296 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,780 Where's Laird? Laird is upstairs. 297 00:11:23,780 --> 00:11:25,610 He is just finishing a teleconference. 298 00:11:25,610 --> 00:11:26,410 He'll be right out. 299 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:27,880 Oh, okay. Why don't we go up then? 300 00:11:28,450 --> 00:11:29,500 Laird, I'm Ned. 301 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:30,370 No, no, no. 302 00:11:30,370 --> 00:11:31,290 No, this is Randy. That's not Laird. 303 00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:32,540 He's our intern. 304 00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:36,120 Just graduated summa cum laude at MIT. 305 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,090 So Randy, shake a leg. Get their luggages. 306 00:11:38,090 --> 00:11:39,130 Yes, sir. 307 00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:43,130 The motherfucking Flemings are in the house! 308 00:11:43,130 --> 00:11:44,100 Yes! 309 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:47,100 This is fucking awesome! 310 00:11:47,270 --> 00:11:49,220 Get up here. I'm so psyched to meet you. 311 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,220 Family, baby. Fuck yeah! 312 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:55,110 Oh, my God. 313 00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:56,480 Scotty. 314 00:11:56,730 --> 00:11:59,810 Yes, my brotha! Welcome. 315 00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:01,320 Hey, Barb. Hi. 316 00:12:02,530 --> 00:12:04,030 Oh. 317 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,040 Welcome. 318 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,040 Hey, Ned. All right. 319 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,410 Oh, yes. 320 00:12:10,540 --> 00:12:12,130 Yes. Yes. 321 00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:13,630 Yes. So glad you're here. 322 00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:14,630 Yes. Hey. Hi. 323 00:12:15,130 --> 00:12:16,130 Hey, baby. Hi. 324 00:12:17,630 --> 00:12:19,130 I fucking missed you. 325 00:12:19,130 --> 00:12:21,140 Why aren't you wearing a shirt on your body? 326 00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:22,640 Oh. 327 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,560 Don't worry about that. I have a little surprise. 328 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,090 Let's stay half an hour and then we go back to the hotel. 329 00:12:27,090 --> 00:12:29,140 That's a good plan. Thank you. 330 00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:30,640 Dad, come on. This place is so sick. 331 00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:32,160 Yeah, it's sick. 25 minutes. 332 00:12:32,650 --> 00:12:33,510 That's it. 333 00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:40,150 Hey! Just leave her alone. 334 00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:41,750 Hey, oh, Ned. Ned. 335 00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:44,330 Ned, would you look at that. 336 00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:45,860 That's your face, Sis. Oh. 337 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,160 Very good likeness. 338 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:48,530 Oh, thanks. Yeah. 339 00:12:48,530 --> 00:12:51,030 The Stephy tattoo. I got it, like, a week after we met, right? 340 00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:52,870 One week. You know, right on my heart. 341 00:12:53,170 --> 00:12:55,540 Great. Okay, do you guys want to go see the house? 342 00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:56,340 Uh... We probably should... 343 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,840 We came to stop and say hey. Yeah. We should go. 344 00:12:58,840 --> 00:12:59,960 Actually, no. 345 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:02,540 No. Before we go, um... 346 00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:04,510 I have a little surprise for everybody. 347 00:13:04,510 --> 00:13:06,850 (EXHALES) Shit. I'm fucking nervous. 348 00:13:06,850 --> 00:13:07,850 Do you want to consult me about it? 349 00:13:07,850 --> 00:13:09,350 You want to talk to me before you... 350 00:13:09,350 --> 00:13:11,350 You know what? No, I'm just jumpin' in. All right? 351 00:13:11,350 --> 00:13:12,350 I'm just going to do this. 352 00:13:12,350 --> 00:13:14,220 Laird, it's going to be fucking great. 353 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:15,940 Ta-da! 354 00:13:16,770 --> 00:13:18,230 Oh, my God. 355 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,230 I just got it done this morning 356 00:13:20,230 --> 00:13:22,030 SCOTTY: Yeah. I bet it's red, huh? 357 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,150 I need a little feedback. 358 00:13:23,450 --> 00:13:25,400 Is that our Christmas card? Yes. 359 00:13:25,650 --> 00:13:28,150 Yeah! That's exactly what I used. How'd you know? 360 00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:29,450 Look, he even got Noodle in there. 361 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:30,700 Hurt like balls. 362 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:34,410 Gosh, it says "Happy Holidays" and everything. 363 00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:35,580 What? 364 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,460 Get the fuck out of here. Okay. 365 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:38,910 It says "Happy Holidays?" 366 00:13:39,330 --> 00:13:40,380 Barb, fuck you. 367 00:13:40,380 --> 00:13:41,470 God damn. 368 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,470 I gave the guy the Christmas card. 369 00:13:43,470 --> 00:13:44,970 I didn't know he put "Happy Holidays" on there. 370 00:13:44,970 --> 00:13:46,470 Wow. Fuck. 371 00:13:46,470 --> 00:13:48,470 Guess it's stuck on there, huh? (LAUGHS) 372 00:13:48,470 --> 00:13:49,970 Oops. Fuck. 373 00:13:49,970 --> 00:13:51,980 Well, you know, you guys were coming over... 374 00:13:51,980 --> 00:13:54,850 I was so excited, I just had to do something, you know? 375 00:13:55,150 --> 00:13:57,600 Well, that is something, all right. 376 00:13:57,900 --> 00:14:00,480 You know what? Sometimes, you just got to say, "Fuck it." 377 00:14:00,490 --> 00:14:01,500 Fuck it! 378 00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:02,820 You should... Laird, 379 00:14:03,070 --> 00:14:05,160 this is a 15-year-old child. 380 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:06,490 So, we don't really... 381 00:14:06,740 --> 00:14:08,330 Oh, shit. 382 00:14:08,330 --> 00:14:10,610 You don't say fuck? SCOTTY: No, Mom, I... 383 00:14:10,830 --> 00:14:11,910 Heck yeah, I cuss. 384 00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:12,830 No, you don't. 385 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,280 You do? Yeah. 386 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:15,830 Oh, he cusses. No, you don't. 387 00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:16,830 Yeah, bro, what's your favorite cuss word? 388 00:14:16,830 --> 00:14:17,840 Oh, boy. 389 00:14:18,250 --> 00:14:19,340 Don't egg him on like that. 390 00:14:19,340 --> 00:14:20,200 What's your favorite? 391 00:14:21,090 --> 00:14:23,090 Uh... NED: Hmm. 392 00:14:24,090 --> 00:14:25,380 Titties. 393 00:14:25,590 --> 00:14:27,040 Titties? Titties. 394 00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:28,060 Stop it. Stop that. (BARB SIGHS) 395 00:14:28,050 --> 00:14:29,510 Titties? Classic. 396 00:14:29,930 --> 00:14:31,850 Okay. We should be going. 397 00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:33,520 Nice one. What else you got? Asshole. 398 00:14:33,770 --> 00:14:35,140 LAIRD: Asshole. All right. That's enough. 399 00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:36,350 Okay. Another good body part. 400 00:14:36,350 --> 00:14:37,810 What else? Dicking. Double dicking. 401 00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:39,190 Double dicking. Okay. 402 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:40,720 Wait. Hold on. Double dicking? 403 00:14:41,060 --> 00:14:42,640 Are you happy? That's a new one on me, bro. 404 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:43,730 What the fuck is that? 405 00:14:43,730 --> 00:14:46,110 What the hell is that? Is that like dick to dick? 406 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,320 Okay! Good night! We're going to the hotel. 407 00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:52,790 This kid is nasty and I fucking like it. 408 00:14:52,790 --> 00:14:54,150 Yeah. Yes! 409 00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:55,820 All right, let's do the tour. 410 00:14:56,070 --> 00:14:57,160 I'll show you around! All right? 411 00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:58,740 Just throw your shit anywhere. 412 00:14:58,740 --> 00:14:59,740 You little double-dicker, come on. 413 00:14:59,740 --> 00:15:00,740 Throw your stuff anywhere. 414 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,250 By the way, I'm a huge fan. 415 00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:03,750 I'm part of the online Ape Army. 416 00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:05,250 Awesome. 417 00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:07,250 You know, this is what I was trying to tell you guys in the car. 418 00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:09,750 This is okay here? 419 00:15:09,750 --> 00:15:11,260 Do you want to take your coat off? 420 00:15:11,260 --> 00:15:13,260 Uh, no. Nope. I'm fine. 421 00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:15,230 (BARB SIGHS) Come on, guys. 422 00:15:15,590 --> 00:15:16,680 All right, so this here's the kitch. 423 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,180 This is where we keep the food. 424 00:15:18,180 --> 00:15:19,680 The dining room. 425 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,520 That's a sculpture of a couple people fucking. 426 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,600 (STEPHANIE SQUIRMS) Painting of a fat squirrel. 427 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,440 And this one's called "Triple Team," 428 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:27,940 self-explanatory. 429 00:15:28,940 --> 00:15:30,520 All right. This is the den. 430 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:34,040 These dudes are just testing out video games. 431 00:15:34,450 --> 00:15:37,530 Ned, Stephy says that you're pretty serious about your bowling, 432 00:15:38,530 --> 00:15:40,030 so I had a couple lanes installed. 433 00:15:40,950 --> 00:15:41,920 STEPHANIE: Oh, my God. 434 00:15:42,420 --> 00:15:43,420 BARB: None of this was here? 435 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,340 No. 436 00:15:44,340 --> 00:15:47,540 You said you were fixing a crack in the foundation. 437 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,380 Is that us? 438 00:15:49,380 --> 00:15:51,960 Yeah, I got the images off your league's Facebook page. 439 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,300 SCOTTY: That's so insane. 440 00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,880 Dad, look, he even got in your signature "crotch chop." 441 00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:57,890 Oh, yeah. 442 00:15:57,890 --> 00:15:59,140 STEPHANIE: Wow. 443 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,220 LAIRD: All right, this here is where we develop a few apps 444 00:16:01,220 --> 00:16:03,140 for the Apple and Android platforms. 445 00:16:03,470 --> 00:16:05,030 Hey, gang, say hi to the Flemings. 446 00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:06,640 Hey, guys. Hey, what's up? 447 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,230 Wait, I don't understand. Do your employees live here? 448 00:16:09,230 --> 00:16:13,070 Uh, maybe some of them do. I don't really know. 449 00:16:13,370 --> 00:16:15,450 Gustav is actually an amazing architect. 450 00:16:15,450 --> 00:16:17,290 We designed this place together. 451 00:16:17,490 --> 00:16:19,410 BARB: When did you go to Machu Picchu? 452 00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:21,490 Hun, when did you put these up? 453 00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:23,210 What the heck is that moose? 454 00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:24,630 That's a Phillip Manfredi. 455 00:16:24,630 --> 00:16:26,300 LAIRD: Great pick-up, Barb. 456 00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:29,330 Stephy told me that you're this amazing art and photography professor. 457 00:16:29,330 --> 00:16:30,880 That's awesome. STEPHIE: Mmm-hmm. 458 00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:34,300 I teach a couple of classes at a local community college. 459 00:16:34,670 --> 00:16:35,760 Don't be so modest, Mom. 460 00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:38,090 You're an amazing photographer. 461 00:16:38,340 --> 00:16:40,980 Oh, that looks like a real dead moose. 462 00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:43,900 Well, that's exactly what it is, Ned. 463 00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:46,480 A dead moose suspended in its own urine. 464 00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:48,440 It's meant to symbolize the way 465 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,990 that our culture has imprisoned our minds. 466 00:16:52,070 --> 00:16:53,490 Oh. 467 00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:54,320 I got to tell you, Ned, 468 00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:56,690 great art really gets me aroused. 469 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,670 It's actually a very strong aphrodisiac. 470 00:16:59,660 --> 00:17:01,450 Laird. 471 00:17:01,450 --> 00:17:03,330 Not that you need any help getting turned on by that gorgeous woman. 472 00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:04,700 Honey. 473 00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:06,200 What? Your mom is beautiful. 474 00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:08,590 She is. She deserves some props for that. 475 00:17:08,590 --> 00:17:11,680 Well, I'll take a compliment wherever I can get one. 476 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:13,930 Well, here's another one. You got a bangin' bod, too. 477 00:17:13,930 --> 00:17:14,930 BARB: All right. 478 00:17:15,430 --> 00:17:16,380 Hey, what's going on, everyone? 479 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,270 LAIRD: Richard Blais, everybody. 480 00:17:18,550 --> 00:17:22,100 This is the maestro of molecular gastronomy. 481 00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:23,690 Oh, my God. 482 00:17:23,690 --> 00:17:26,020 That's that cute one from Top Chef. 483 00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:27,690 Oh, he's the one who goes, "Bam!" 484 00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:31,110 No, that's Emeril. He's a fucking dick, that guy. 485 00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:33,230 Dickie Blais what's up? 486 00:17:33,230 --> 00:17:36,230 Yeah, so Laird thought it would be a fun idea to do a pop-up restaurant 487 00:17:36,730 --> 00:17:37,620 just in your honor tonight. 488 00:17:37,620 --> 00:17:39,290 Did he? Yeah. 489 00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:41,120 And I have here a little amuse-bouche. 490 00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:43,120 So if anyone's looking for a little pre-dinner snack, 491 00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:44,490 you can head on up here. 492 00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:46,080 Count me in, 'cause I'm famished. 493 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:47,290 All right. 494 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,390 There are so many surprises. 495 00:17:48,380 --> 00:17:49,330 (CHUCKLES) 496 00:17:49,330 --> 00:17:50,660 I know. 497 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:51,760 You're hungry, you've come to the right place. 498 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,750 I've got surf and turf for you. 499 00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:54,750 Steak and lobster. 500 00:17:55,090 --> 00:17:56,890 Yum, yum. 501 00:17:56,890 --> 00:18:01,060 My version of surf and turf, edible soil and plankton foam. 502 00:18:01,340 --> 00:18:02,730 Dig in. Oh. 503 00:18:02,930 --> 00:18:05,310 Wow, can't wait for dinner. 504 00:18:05,310 --> 00:18:07,010 No. 505 00:18:07,010 --> 00:18:09,600 Hey, so I think it's going great, right? 506 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,600 I think they've already accepted me. 507 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,100 I'm getting a little bit of a different vibe. 508 00:18:14,610 --> 00:18:15,940 Oh, really? Like what? 509 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,240 Don't try so hard. 510 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,740 I'm not, what do you mean? 511 00:18:18,740 --> 00:18:20,740 You put in a bowling alley for my dad 512 00:18:21,250 --> 00:18:23,860 and you got a tattoo of my entire family on your back. 513 00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:25,380 Oh. 514 00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:26,330 Was the tattoo too much? 515 00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:27,580 Yes. Fuck. 516 00:18:28,370 --> 00:18:30,370 Shit, I knew it. 517 00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:31,870 Yeah, Gustav said the same thing. 518 00:18:32,290 --> 00:18:33,370 Okay, don't worry... 519 00:18:33,370 --> 00:18:36,380 I won't get any more tattoos of them while they're here. 520 00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:37,680 Thank you. Okay. 521 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:38,760 I love you. 522 00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:41,010 I love you, too. 523 00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:46,550 Okay. 524 00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:48,190 Oh, one more thing, stop calling them motherfuckers 525 00:18:48,190 --> 00:18:50,060 and talking about how hot my mom is. 526 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,860 Well, she's sneaky sexy, took me by surprise. 527 00:18:53,230 --> 00:18:57,310 Dude, she is a MILF, like a genuine MILF. 528 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,330 And if it wasn't your MILF, she'd be a MIWF... 529 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,200 a mother I would fuck. 530 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,150 Mmm-mmm. 531 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:04,990 But I won't. Okay. 532 00:19:05,990 --> 00:19:07,790 Of course. Thank you. 533 00:19:07,990 --> 00:19:09,080 (BOTH LAUGH) 534 00:19:10,710 --> 00:19:11,710 (NED SIGHS) 535 00:19:13,210 --> 00:19:14,580 All right, it's pretty. Yeah. 536 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:15,970 You know... 537 00:19:18,470 --> 00:19:19,750 It's a lot. (STAMMERS) 538 00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:22,340 Yes! I mean, the moose... hYes. 539 00:19:22,340 --> 00:19:24,420 And the language. Come on! 540 00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:25,940 Mmm-hmm. A real moose! 541 00:19:25,930 --> 00:19:28,400 And he's coming onto your mother. That's not okay. 542 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,680 And the tattoo? 543 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,980 The tattoo! And how... 544 00:19:32,180 --> 00:19:33,770 32 Oh, my. And you're... 545 00:19:33,770 --> 00:19:35,020 22. Yes! 546 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,400 You didn't like the mural of you and Scotty 547 00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:38,420 down in the new bowling alley? 548 00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:40,520 The bowling alley with the mural is... 549 00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:42,540 And the bowling alley is regulation. 550 00:19:42,530 --> 00:19:44,190 That's quite nice 551 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,120 and that's very rare to have something that nice. 552 00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:48,510 And the polish that he used was quite... 553 00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:49,780 It was good. But... 554 00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:50,830 I'm sorry. 555 00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:55,220 I should have told you. 556 00:19:57,170 --> 00:19:59,180 About everything, of course. (SCOFFS) 557 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,510 Honestly, I didn't know how to explain him over the phone. 558 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,380 I just kept imagining... 559 00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:06,380 Mom Googling Laird Mayhew 560 00:20:06,380 --> 00:20:08,390 and you guys jumping to conclusions 561 00:20:08,390 --> 00:20:11,720 before you even got a chance to know him. 562 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,470 Well, now we know him. (SIGHS) 563 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:15,790 No, you don't. 564 00:20:15,780 --> 00:20:17,190 You've been here for 15 minutes. 565 00:20:18,610 --> 00:20:19,610 Yeah. 566 00:20:20,110 --> 00:20:21,450 Thank you. 567 00:20:23,230 --> 00:20:24,740 I wouldn't have asked you to come out here 568 00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:26,240 and miss Christmas in Michigan 569 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:29,740 for the first time ever, if he wasn't... 570 00:20:29,740 --> 00:20:30,710 ...really important to me. 571 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:38,730 Hmm. 572 00:20:40,220 --> 00:20:41,130 Okay. 573 00:20:42,970 --> 00:20:44,970 (MUTTERS) You'll give him a chance? 574 00:20:45,390 --> 00:20:47,980 Okay. Okay, thank you. Thank you. 575 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,890 Come here. (CHUCKLES) 576 00:20:54,270 --> 00:20:55,330 I love you. 577 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:56,770 I love you, too. 578 00:21:00,270 --> 00:21:03,270 So if I did Google him, what would I find? 579 00:21:03,270 --> 00:21:04,520 Don't do it. 580 00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:05,620 Oh. 581 00:21:05,610 --> 00:21:06,830 Just don't Google him. 582 00:21:06,830 --> 00:21:07,910 Oh. 583 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,780 Well, I still don't see it. 584 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,290 Darling, this is the male, and he's thrusting. 585 00:21:15,290 --> 00:21:16,540 Oh, God. 586 00:21:16,540 --> 00:21:19,210 All right, everybody, dinner is served! 587 00:21:19,510 --> 00:21:21,630 Scotty! Come on, grab a stump. 588 00:21:21,630 --> 00:21:23,630 Dad, you wanna go there? Mom. 589 00:21:24,130 --> 00:21:25,630 You sure you don't want to take off your coat? 590 00:21:25,630 --> 00:21:26,630 No. I'm good. 591 00:21:26,630 --> 00:21:29,130 We do it family style here, so everyone just dig in. 592 00:21:29,130 --> 00:21:30,520 It's super cas. 593 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,890 Okay, so we have three dishes for this evening. 594 00:21:32,890 --> 00:21:34,970 We have sous-vide geoduck. 595 00:21:34,970 --> 00:21:37,110 We have Mission-style sea urchin burritos... 596 00:21:37,110 --> 00:21:38,060 STEPHANIE: Yum. 597 00:21:38,060 --> 00:21:39,610 ...with edible paper. 598 00:21:39,610 --> 00:21:41,190 LAIRD: Because you're a printer. 599 00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:43,030 And last but not least... Sweet. 600 00:21:43,230 --> 00:21:45,820 ...we have smoked California bear. 601 00:21:45,820 --> 00:21:46,820 Enjoy. 602 00:21:46,820 --> 00:21:48,320 Oh, shit! 603 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:49,620 Thanks, Blais. 604 00:21:49,900 --> 00:21:51,290 Bear? LAIRD: Mmm. 605 00:21:51,290 --> 00:21:52,460 Yo, Scotty, you see The Revenant? 606 00:21:52,740 --> 00:21:53,820 No, I wanted to, 607 00:21:53,820 --> 00:21:56,160 but my parents don't really let me watch R-rated movies. 608 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:57,880 You're darn right we don't. He's only 15. 609 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,210 You want some paper? Yes, certainly. Thank you. 610 00:22:00,210 --> 00:22:01,970 I don't know what section that is. 611 00:22:01,970 --> 00:22:04,250 Because that bear fucked that dude up! 612 00:22:04,250 --> 00:22:05,750 Now we're gonna fuck this bear up. 613 00:22:05,750 --> 00:22:07,170 Hey, what about that language? 614 00:22:07,170 --> 00:22:08,590 Oh, shit. Sorry. 615 00:22:08,590 --> 00:22:10,970 BARB: Ah, I think I've got the arts section here. 616 00:22:12,310 --> 00:22:14,310 You better slow down, Barb. 617 00:22:14,310 --> 00:22:16,310 You're gonna be full before you get to the funnies. 618 00:22:16,310 --> 00:22:17,810 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 619 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,320 Ned. 620 00:22:22,900 --> 00:22:24,490 (CLEARS THROAT) 621 00:22:24,490 --> 00:22:28,330 So, um, how did you two meet? 622 00:22:28,330 --> 00:22:30,910 Uh, you want me to go? Yeah. 623 00:22:30,910 --> 00:22:31,910 Okay. 624 00:22:31,910 --> 00:22:33,910 Laird sponsored a talk on campus 625 00:22:33,910 --> 00:22:35,700 with Doctor Joanne Liu, 626 00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:37,000 the head of Doctors Without Borders. 627 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,290 Oh! 628 00:22:38,290 --> 00:22:40,090 Melinda Gates got me totally pumped 629 00:22:40,090 --> 00:22:41,590 about issues in the developing world. 630 00:22:41,590 --> 00:22:43,120 Now I'm obsessed. 631 00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:44,960 Wow. 632 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,710 That's Bill Gates' wife. LAIRD: Yeah. 633 00:22:46,710 --> 00:22:48,130 She's great. NED: Yeah. 634 00:22:48,460 --> 00:22:49,930 That's terrific. 635 00:22:49,930 --> 00:22:52,270 That's Steph's field of interest, too, so that's great. 636 00:22:52,770 --> 00:22:53,770 Yeah, I know. 637 00:22:53,770 --> 00:22:55,270 Ned, you should've seen her at the talk. 638 00:22:55,270 --> 00:22:58,610 She asked the most intelligent question. I was blown away. 639 00:22:59,610 --> 00:23:01,110 Really? What did I say? 640 00:23:01,110 --> 00:23:02,110 You were like... 641 00:23:02,110 --> 00:23:03,610 "Hey, what's the connection between 642 00:23:03,610 --> 00:23:05,980 "women's health and population density 643 00:23:05,980 --> 00:23:07,360 "in indigenous communities?" 644 00:23:07,870 --> 00:23:10,160 I was like, "Bam! Who's that?" 645 00:23:10,150 --> 00:23:11,820 That's so sweet of you to remember that. 646 00:23:11,820 --> 00:23:13,700 Of course I remember. Mmm... 647 00:23:13,700 --> 00:23:15,660 The first time I saw you. BARB: That's our girl. 648 00:23:15,660 --> 00:23:17,660 She's always been the smartest person in the room. 649 00:23:17,660 --> 00:23:18,660 So true. Yeah. 650 00:23:18,660 --> 00:23:20,990 And the sexiest. My God. Well. 651 00:23:21,210 --> 00:23:23,300 I couldn't keep my eyes off her. 652 00:23:23,300 --> 00:23:24,800 Her hair, and her eyes. 653 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,000 Very pretty eyes. 654 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,500 The way her spine gently arches 655 00:23:27,500 --> 00:23:29,300 to meet the top of her tailbone. 656 00:23:29,300 --> 00:23:31,590 I just wanna pitch a tent and live in there. You know what I mean? 657 00:23:31,590 --> 00:23:32,590 No. You're taking it too far. 658 00:23:33,590 --> 00:23:35,090 Quite the outdoorsman. 659 00:23:35,090 --> 00:23:36,760 I just mean she's got a great body. 660 00:23:37,090 --> 00:23:38,680 Oh, well, yes. Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 661 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,180 She's a darling girl. 662 00:23:40,180 --> 00:23:41,180 Like you, Barb. STEPHANIE: Great genes. 663 00:23:41,180 --> 00:23:42,100 Okay. 664 00:23:42,430 --> 00:23:43,520 Two fit women. 665 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,490 I'll have to agree with you there. 666 00:23:45,490 --> 00:23:46,990 Ol' Slamming Bod Barb. 667 00:23:47,490 --> 00:23:48,440 (LAUGHING) 668 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,360 Two fit women and two lucky dudes... 669 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:52,690 And one double-dicker. 670 00:23:52,690 --> 00:23:54,280 (LAUGHS) 671 00:23:54,750 --> 00:23:56,710 Okay, well. 672 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,500 Laird, when did you graduate from Stanford? 673 00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:03,290 Oh, I didn't go to Stanford, bro. 674 00:24:03,290 --> 00:24:04,590 I hardly even graduated from high school. 675 00:24:05,370 --> 00:24:06,920 He's being modest. 676 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:07,920 He actually started writing code 677 00:24:07,930 --> 00:24:10,440 for Sun Microsystems when he was 13. 678 00:24:10,430 --> 00:24:12,210 That's true. Wow, that's just like me. 679 00:24:12,510 --> 00:24:14,100 I've been interning at the Fleming Company 680 00:24:14,100 --> 00:24:15,520 since, what, the seventh grade? 681 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:16,970 Mm-hmm. Yup. 682 00:24:16,970 --> 00:24:19,190 Future CEO, but you are going to college. 683 00:24:19,770 --> 00:24:21,270 I know, Dad. I know. I know. Just like your sister. 684 00:24:21,770 --> 00:24:23,640 So, Steph, weren't your surprised 685 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,560 that this big tech mogul wanted to date you? 686 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,030 He said he was some low-level programmer at Uber. 687 00:24:31,030 --> 00:24:33,570 I had no idea that he sponsored the entire event. 688 00:24:33,570 --> 00:24:35,070 So he lied to you. 689 00:24:35,070 --> 00:24:36,400 Oh, Ned, I had to. 690 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,740 I mean there are so many gold diggers in Silicon Valley. 691 00:24:38,740 --> 00:24:41,240 They just wanna fuck you for your tech money. 692 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:43,240 Language, baby. You gotta be careful. 693 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,250 I didn't spill the beans till April. 694 00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:48,470 April? That's eight months ago. What? 695 00:24:48,470 --> 00:24:49,920 Steph, over the phone, you said 696 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,670 you've only known each other for a couple of months. 697 00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:53,890 It was super casual at first. No. 698 00:24:53,890 --> 00:24:55,170 No, it was not. 699 00:24:55,170 --> 00:24:57,560 We exchanged I love you's on the third date. 700 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,060 Remember? Right after we... The third date? 701 00:24:59,060 --> 00:25:00,060 made love in the hot tub at Esalen in Big Sur? 702 00:25:00,340 --> 00:25:01,140 No, no, no. 703 00:25:01,150 --> 00:25:03,440 Where, what? Esalen in Big Sur. 704 00:25:03,430 --> 00:25:04,180 Really? 705 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,680 Ned. Don't get the wrong idea. 706 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,570 It was not sexual at all. It was so much more than that. 707 00:25:09,570 --> 00:25:10,900 Okay, I'm sorry. I'm confused. 708 00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:12,320 Did you have intercourse or not? 709 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:13,910 Scotty, shut it. 710 00:25:13,910 --> 00:25:15,160 Dad, I'm just trying to connect the dots here. 711 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,940 Look. Yeah, we did. 712 00:25:16,940 --> 00:25:20,750 But what I'm saying is I was transformed. 713 00:25:20,750 --> 00:25:23,750 Stephy opened up like a flower. 714 00:25:23,750 --> 00:25:25,250 You should have seen it. 715 00:25:25,250 --> 00:25:28,540 I shouldn't have seen it, but now I feel like I have. 716 00:25:28,540 --> 00:25:29,840 I just want your parents to know 717 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:31,340 that you're living with someone 718 00:25:31,340 --> 00:25:33,880 who's completely devoted to you. 719 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:35,710 Wait a minute. What-ing with someone? 720 00:25:35,710 --> 00:25:37,600 You say you're living together? Yeah. 721 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,600 No. We do not. 722 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:42,600 Okay, five nights out of seven. 723 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,470 Your stuff is here. 724 00:25:45,470 --> 00:25:46,810 You don't really stay at the dorm. 725 00:25:46,810 --> 00:25:48,190 (EXCLAIMING) 726 00:25:48,190 --> 00:25:49,640 Do you have a toothbrush here? 727 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:50,610 Yeah. That's cohabitating. 728 00:25:50,940 --> 00:25:52,810 Scotty, stop talking and eat your paper. 729 00:25:52,980 --> 00:25:54,860 STEPHANIE: Dad, we do not live together. 730 00:25:54,870 --> 00:25:56,130 Yeah, we're cohabitating. 731 00:26:01,410 --> 00:26:03,800 "Opened up like a flower." 732 00:26:03,790 --> 00:26:06,830 Honey, I'm looking at the Esalen website right now 733 00:26:06,830 --> 00:26:08,330 and there's nothing dirty about it. 734 00:26:08,330 --> 00:26:11,330 You go up there for yoga classes and things like that. 735 00:26:11,330 --> 00:26:13,830 They've been practically living together for a year. 736 00:26:13,830 --> 00:26:16,420 Why didn't she just tell us that? 737 00:26:16,420 --> 00:26:17,920 Where the heck are the towels? 738 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:20,920 He's even affected Scotty. 739 00:26:22,930 --> 00:26:25,850 What is a double dicking, for crying out loud? 740 00:26:26,230 --> 00:26:27,310 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 741 00:26:27,310 --> 00:26:28,270 Oh. Uh... 742 00:26:28,770 --> 00:26:29,600 There she is. 743 00:26:29,850 --> 00:26:31,430 Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. She's gonna... 744 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,450 She better explain what the heck is going on here. 745 00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:34,690 All right, so be nice. 746 00:26:34,690 --> 00:26:36,770 Be like, "Oh, my God. I love your boyfriend. He's so normal." 747 00:26:36,770 --> 00:26:38,240 I'm good. 748 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,080 Hi. 749 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:42,410 Hi, uh... 750 00:26:44,530 --> 00:26:46,120 I thought you'd be Stephanie. 751 00:26:46,620 --> 00:26:47,750 Steph's super pooped. 752 00:26:47,750 --> 00:26:50,840 We had a big fight because of the way I behaved at dinner. 753 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,670 Don't worry, we took a shower together and worked it out. 754 00:26:53,670 --> 00:26:56,090 But I snuck out to have a little check in. 755 00:26:56,090 --> 00:26:57,040 Okay. Well... 756 00:27:05,470 --> 00:27:07,770 Ned, would you come join us? 757 00:27:08,770 --> 00:27:10,220 (STAMMERS) I'm good here. 758 00:27:10,610 --> 00:27:12,690 Oh, please. This is an Alaskan king. 759 00:27:13,190 --> 00:27:14,530 There's so much room. 760 00:27:15,860 --> 00:27:17,860 So much room. 761 00:27:18,370 --> 00:27:20,150 It'd really mean a lot to me. Please? 762 00:27:21,990 --> 00:27:22,900 Okay. 763 00:27:23,820 --> 00:27:24,820 Hey. 764 00:27:25,820 --> 00:27:27,320 (BARB CLEARS THROAT) 765 00:27:31,830 --> 00:27:34,080 I owe you two an apology. 766 00:27:34,300 --> 00:27:35,380 When I get nervous 767 00:27:35,380 --> 00:27:37,880 all kinds of crap comes flying out of my mouth 768 00:27:37,890 --> 00:27:39,900 and I know that's not how you guys roll. 769 00:27:39,890 --> 00:27:41,220 No. 770 00:27:41,220 --> 00:27:43,310 I was just trying to make a good impression. 771 00:27:43,310 --> 00:27:44,810 Yeah. Well, you did. It was... 772 00:27:44,810 --> 00:27:47,310 I mean you didn't, but it's okay. 773 00:27:47,310 --> 00:27:50,310 It was an awkward dinner. 774 00:27:50,310 --> 00:27:52,320 It was a unique situation for... 775 00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,100 Yeah, but let's all just move on. 776 00:27:54,900 --> 00:27:56,400 Okay. Great. 777 00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:57,850 Truth be told, 778 00:27:57,860 --> 00:28:00,870 I haven't spent a lot of time with parental figures. 779 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:04,530 I don't know if you know this, but I never knew my father. 780 00:28:04,530 --> 00:28:07,610 Yeah, he picked up my mom in this bar in Oakland. 781 00:28:07,610 --> 00:28:10,620 They had some sloppy car sex, and then never spoke again. 782 00:28:10,620 --> 00:28:12,090 Yeah. 783 00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:15,170 I'm not really close with my mom, either. 784 00:28:15,170 --> 00:28:18,680 To be frank, she's kind of a motherfucking bitch. 785 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,510 (BARB EXCLAIMS) 786 00:28:20,510 --> 00:28:22,510 If I had a nickel for every time I... 787 00:28:23,300 --> 00:28:24,380 Yeah. 788 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,680 We're sorry to hear that. 789 00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,690 That's some tough stuff, pal. 790 00:28:28,690 --> 00:28:30,190 Yup. That's... 791 00:28:30,690 --> 00:28:31,690 That's... 792 00:28:31,690 --> 00:28:34,060 All right. Well, it's getting late, so... 793 00:28:34,060 --> 00:28:34,940 BARB: Yeah. 794 00:28:34,940 --> 00:28:36,940 I'm in love with your daughter, dudes. 795 00:28:36,940 --> 00:28:38,450 And I'm just so fucking psyched 796 00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:40,310 to get to know the people that raised her. 797 00:28:40,310 --> 00:28:42,530 Mmm-hmm. 798 00:28:42,530 --> 00:28:45,240 And we're gonna do Christmas just like you do at home. 799 00:28:45,570 --> 00:28:46,540 Tomorrow night, 800 00:28:46,540 --> 00:28:49,740 I'm gonna throw a party in your honor. 801 00:28:49,740 --> 00:28:50,740 Oh, you don't have to go to the trouble. 802 00:28:50,740 --> 00:28:52,040 You don't... It's not. 803 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,550 We're gonna do all the holiday shit. 804 00:28:55,550 --> 00:28:57,500 Okay. Hmm. All the shit. 805 00:28:57,500 --> 00:29:00,000 Ned, I'd love some guy time with you. 806 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,000 So maybe we could take a walk tomorrow morning? 807 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,890 Okay. Okay, cool. 808 00:29:04,890 --> 00:29:07,170 Justine, will you set Ned an alarm for 6:30 a.m.? 809 00:29:07,170 --> 00:29:08,340 JUSTINE: You got it, Laird. 810 00:29:08,340 --> 00:29:12,430 Ned, an alarm's been set for you for 6:30 en la manana. 811 00:29:12,430 --> 00:29:14,260 What? Who is that? 812 00:29:14,260 --> 00:29:15,100 (CHUCKLES) 813 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:17,150 That's Justine. 814 00:29:17,150 --> 00:29:20,150 Yeah, she's like Siri, but awesome. 815 00:29:20,150 --> 00:29:22,160 I got that chick from The Big Bang Theory, 816 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:23,570 Kaley Cuoco, to do the voice. 817 00:29:23,910 --> 00:29:24,990 J, say hi. 818 00:29:24,990 --> 00:29:27,030 JUSTINE: Hey, Ned. Hey, Barb. How are you guys? 819 00:29:28,950 --> 00:29:29,830 Hi. BARB: Oh, my God. 820 00:29:29,830 --> 00:29:31,920 Stephanie's told me so much about you. 821 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:33,420 Anything you need, I'm here. 822 00:29:33,420 --> 00:29:34,700 BARB: Okay. NED: Thank you. 823 00:29:34,870 --> 00:29:37,700 She can't... Can she see us? 824 00:29:37,700 --> 00:29:41,510 She says that she can't, but I think that she can. 825 00:29:41,510 --> 00:29:43,340 JUSTINE: What the fuck are you talking about? 826 00:29:43,340 --> 00:29:44,340 You know I can't see them. 827 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:47,260 (WHISPERS) She's a perv. 828 00:29:47,260 --> 00:29:48,210 Laird. 829 00:29:48,220 --> 00:29:51,640 Anyway, I hope you two have a nice night's rest. 830 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,150 Yeah, have a good night. Great night. 831 00:29:53,140 --> 00:29:54,100 Have a great night. Yeah. 832 00:29:56,060 --> 00:29:58,560 My instinct is to hug you right now. 833 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,390 Oh. No. BARB: I don't think you... 834 00:30:00,390 --> 00:30:01,730 That's okay. Oh. 835 00:30:01,730 --> 00:30:03,610 Oh, my God. Barb. 836 00:30:03,900 --> 00:30:04,950 Good night. 837 00:30:09,900 --> 00:30:10,820 Peace. 838 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:21,460 (ROOSTER CROWING) 839 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,080 (MAN SINGING) ♪ Baby, I want to trim your... 840 00:30:26,050 --> 00:30:28,890 ♪ Baby, I want to trim your... 841 00:30:29,310 --> 00:30:31,720 ♪ Baby, I want to trim your... 842 00:30:32,230 --> 00:30:34,840 ♪ Beautiful Christmas tree 843 00:30:34,850 --> 00:30:38,580 ♪ I'm gonna bring along my hatchet 844 00:30:38,570 --> 00:30:41,070 ♪ My beautiful Christmas balls 845 00:30:41,070 --> 00:30:44,600 ♪ I'll sprinkle my snow upon your tree 846 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:48,160 ♪ And hang a mistletoe on your walls 847 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,360 ♪ Baby, I want to trim your... 848 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:55,030 ♪ Oh, beautiful Christmas tree ♪ 849 00:31:02,870 --> 00:31:03,670 (CLEARS THROAT) 850 00:31:09,260 --> 00:31:11,710 Barb? There's no toilet paper. 851 00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:12,730 Uh-oh. 852 00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:14,180 Would you get a roll for me, please? 853 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:15,720 Papa make a poopie? 854 00:31:16,220 --> 00:31:17,800 Yes. I made a poopie. 855 00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:19,310 Did Daddy do a doo-doo? 856 00:31:19,310 --> 00:31:21,810 Barb, just get the toilet paper, please? 857 00:31:21,810 --> 00:31:23,310 All right. Well, you sit tight. 858 00:31:23,310 --> 00:31:24,810 I'm gonna go find you some TP. 859 00:31:24,810 --> 00:31:25,810 Thank you. 860 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:28,910 Of course. 861 00:31:29,900 --> 00:31:31,870 Mr. Playboy. 862 00:31:31,870 --> 00:31:33,370 Unbelievable. 863 00:31:34,370 --> 00:31:35,240 Who is that? 864 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:38,490 She's a bit of a Plain Jane. 865 00:31:38,490 --> 00:31:39,880 BARB: Darling? Yeah. Yup. 866 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,710 Just, um, crack the door and toss the roll, please. 867 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,050 It's gonna be a little more complicated than that. 868 00:31:46,050 --> 00:31:47,830 Good morning, Ned. 869 00:31:48,420 --> 00:31:49,420 (GROANS) It's Gustav. 870 00:31:49,420 --> 00:31:50,920 Great. 871 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,890 As I've already told Barb, we are a paperless household. 872 00:31:54,810 --> 00:31:56,840 Paperless? What? 873 00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:59,430 BARB: It's a paperless house, darling. 874 00:31:59,430 --> 00:32:00,430 NED: I got that. 875 00:32:00,430 --> 00:32:04,820 But how am I supposed to complete my business? 876 00:32:04,820 --> 00:32:06,650 Well, all Japanese toilets 877 00:32:06,650 --> 00:32:09,110 have a very effective and pleasant cleaning spray. 878 00:32:09,110 --> 00:32:10,520 And I will be very happy 879 00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,030 to walk you through the entire process. Oh, God. 880 00:32:13,030 --> 00:32:15,860 Ned, please locate the control panel to your left. 881 00:32:16,660 --> 00:32:18,670 Okay, I see it. 882 00:32:18,670 --> 00:32:20,030 Now on that control panel is a button 883 00:32:20,030 --> 00:32:22,750 that shows an image of water spraying up. 884 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,590 Okay. And I just push it? 885 00:32:25,090 --> 00:32:26,010 Just press it, yes. 886 00:32:28,340 --> 00:32:29,090 (COUGHS) 887 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,050 Was that cologne? 888 00:32:32,300 --> 00:32:33,350 Oh! Cologne? Oh, yes! 889 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,970 That is a designer-scented talcum powder. 890 00:32:36,970 --> 00:32:38,970 But that button should not have activated that. 891 00:32:39,390 --> 00:32:42,310 Ned, that is what is called Big Pony for Men by the Ralph Lauren. 892 00:32:42,310 --> 00:32:43,640 I'm excited to try. 893 00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:47,030 Can we please just continue? All right. 894 00:32:47,030 --> 00:32:48,310 Ned? Yes. 895 00:32:48,310 --> 00:32:50,280 I would like to apologize sincerely again. 896 00:32:50,730 --> 00:32:54,120 This is the 2018 model that you are on right now, 897 00:32:54,370 --> 00:32:55,450 so they have not yet made 898 00:32:55,450 --> 00:32:57,540 an instruction manual in English yet. 899 00:32:57,540 --> 00:33:00,870 So I'm going to take care of this on my end, all right? 900 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,460 So Ned, you focus on your end in there 901 00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,960 and I will focus on your end out here. 902 00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:08,670 BARB: That's too good. This is it. 903 00:33:08,670 --> 00:33:10,330 This should do it, Ned. (PHONE BEEPING) 904 00:33:10,580 --> 00:33:12,170 (WHIRRING) Okay. Something's whirring. 905 00:33:12,170 --> 00:33:14,170 Something's spinning around in there. 906 00:33:15,170 --> 00:33:17,010 No! Turn it off! 907 00:33:17,010 --> 00:33:19,340 Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! 908 00:33:19,340 --> 00:33:20,340 God! 909 00:33:20,340 --> 00:33:21,760 GUSTAV: Oh, scheisse! 910 00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:23,980 We are having some technical difficulties. 911 00:33:24,260 --> 00:33:25,770 That was the vaginal cleanse. 912 00:33:25,770 --> 00:33:26,730 The what cleanse? 913 00:33:27,100 --> 00:33:28,690 I just want a square of toilet paper. 914 00:33:28,690 --> 00:33:30,150 The vaginal cleanse. 915 00:33:30,150 --> 00:33:31,650 Which I hear is refreshing 916 00:33:31,660 --> 00:33:33,580 and apparently also very stimulating. 917 00:33:33,860 --> 00:33:35,440 Just saying. 918 00:33:35,940 --> 00:33:37,030 (GRUNTING) 919 00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:42,880 Ned? 920 00:33:43,780 --> 00:33:45,250 Really? 921 00:33:45,250 --> 00:33:46,840 I'm so sorry, Ned... 922 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:49,840 but I'm going to have to manually reboot the system from the inside. 923 00:33:50,870 --> 00:33:52,460 In here? 924 00:33:52,460 --> 00:33:53,930 I am so sorry. 925 00:33:53,930 --> 00:33:54,960 Fine. 926 00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:58,800 NED: Why not? 927 00:34:00,270 --> 00:34:02,850 Barb, would you close the door? Sorry. 928 00:34:02,850 --> 00:34:04,190 It's gonna be great. 929 00:34:05,470 --> 00:34:06,970 (DOOR SHUTS) 930 00:34:06,970 --> 00:34:08,980 Ned, I am blinders. 931 00:34:08,980 --> 00:34:12,310 I see nothing. I smell nothing. 932 00:34:12,310 --> 00:34:14,650 The print is very small. Mm-hmm. 933 00:34:14,650 --> 00:34:16,400 Okay, forgive me. 934 00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:18,400 I can't see the instructions. 935 00:34:21,910 --> 00:34:25,250 All right. What do we have here? 936 00:34:25,240 --> 00:34:26,330 Hmm... 937 00:34:27,990 --> 00:34:29,000 (SIGHS) 938 00:34:35,420 --> 00:34:36,420 (FARTS GENTLY) 939 00:34:50,070 --> 00:34:51,070 (STOMACH GROWLING) 940 00:34:54,740 --> 00:34:59,280 I had some stomach problems last night. 941 00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:00,860 I think it was the bear. 942 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,360 I can guarantee you, it was the bear. 943 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:05,750 (JUSTINE CLEARS THROAT) 944 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:08,620 Turning on the fan. (SWITCH CLICKS) 945 00:35:09,450 --> 00:35:11,540 Great. Wunderbar. 946 00:35:16,210 --> 00:35:18,040 How'd it go? 947 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,380 I am so sorry that it took so long. 948 00:35:20,630 --> 00:35:23,020 Ned, I'm going to need you to be completely still 949 00:35:23,020 --> 00:35:25,470 while we try to lock in your location. 950 00:35:25,470 --> 00:35:27,720 I'm sitting on a toilet, that's pretty still. 951 00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:30,220 GUSTAV: Searching, searching, und searching. 952 00:35:30,220 --> 00:35:32,730 And we have target achieved! 953 00:35:33,110 --> 00:35:34,480 And sploosh! 954 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:35,810 (BIDET HISSING) Oh! 955 00:35:45,210 --> 00:35:46,300 (CHICKENS CLUCKING) 956 00:35:47,290 --> 00:35:49,790 There you go, girls. 957 00:35:49,790 --> 00:35:51,290 You raise chickens? 958 00:35:51,290 --> 00:35:52,800 All free-range. 959 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:54,300 Cows, too. 960 00:35:54,300 --> 00:35:56,800 Pigs, artisanal llamas. 961 00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:58,300 Everything you eat here 962 00:35:58,300 --> 00:36:00,800 comes from within a 500-yard radius. 963 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:03,310 I call it "lawn to table eating." 964 00:36:03,310 --> 00:36:04,510 There she is. 965 00:36:04,510 --> 00:36:06,090 Hey, Daisy. (GRUNTS) 966 00:36:07,510 --> 00:36:09,510 Oh. Hi. 967 00:36:09,510 --> 00:36:10,930 (GRUNTS) Go on, get. 968 00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,070 So glad we're doing this, Ned. 969 00:36:14,070 --> 00:36:17,150 I feel like I know you after everything that Steph's told me about you, 970 00:36:17,150 --> 00:36:18,650 but still not the same... 971 00:36:18,660 --> 00:36:19,780 (BOTH GRUNTING) 972 00:36:22,110 --> 00:36:23,580 Do you submit? Fuck you! 973 00:36:24,780 --> 00:36:26,080 Gustav! Ned, stay away! 974 00:36:27,410 --> 00:36:28,330 You wanna fight? 975 00:36:32,950 --> 00:36:33,540 Tap out! (GROANING) No! 976 00:36:33,540 --> 00:36:35,120 You want to tap out. 977 00:36:37,260 --> 00:36:38,670 Okay, okay! Fine! 978 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:40,460 GUSTAV: Nice work! 979 00:36:40,710 --> 00:36:42,130 And your reactions are getting quicker. 980 00:36:42,130 --> 00:36:43,260 Really? Absolutely. 981 00:36:43,260 --> 00:36:44,630 Thanks. 982 00:36:44,630 --> 00:36:46,850 I am so sorry, Ned. I just didn't want you to get hurt. 983 00:36:46,850 --> 00:36:51,140 Wait, so you just do this Pink Panther thing? 984 00:36:51,140 --> 00:36:52,390 Pink Panther? Pink Panther? 985 00:36:52,390 --> 00:36:54,860 The Pink Panther from the Pink Panther movies. 986 00:36:55,190 --> 00:36:58,440 When Cato attacks Inspector Clouseau to keep him sharp. 987 00:36:58,450 --> 00:37:00,210 Are those really old? I never heard of it. 988 00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:01,200 I'm not familiar, either, 989 00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:02,700 but it sounds absolutely charming. 990 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:05,820 Pink Panther. 991 00:37:06,150 --> 00:37:08,320 The movies? Mm-hmm. 992 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:11,710 Cato is his assistant, his houseboy. 993 00:37:11,710 --> 00:37:13,130 Houseboy? Well, it's... 994 00:37:13,130 --> 00:37:16,080 That sounds racist. 995 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,580 He did call him "my little yellow friend." But... 996 00:37:18,580 --> 00:37:20,080 I'm sorry, you have to understand, Ned. 997 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,550 Laird is the CEO of a massive tech company. 998 00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:24,390 LAIRD: I don't like bodyguards around 999 00:37:24,670 --> 00:37:27,640 so I have Goose train me in case I get kidnapped or whatever. 1000 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,510 By the way, your Chun Kuk Do moves were very solid. 1001 00:37:30,510 --> 00:37:32,010 But what happened to the evasive parkour? 1002 00:37:32,010 --> 00:37:33,510 Ah, evasive parkour. Yeah. 1003 00:37:33,510 --> 00:37:35,260 I totally fucking spaced! 1004 00:37:35,270 --> 00:37:36,780 GUSTAV: There's always room to improve. 1005 00:37:36,770 --> 00:37:38,270 All right. Thanks, man. 1006 00:37:38,270 --> 00:37:39,770 You got it, brother. 1007 00:37:39,770 --> 00:37:41,270 All right, ciao for now, you friends. 1008 00:37:41,270 --> 00:37:44,770 And you guys have a lovely chat. 1009 00:37:44,770 --> 00:37:46,580 Ned, come on. I wanna show you my office. 1010 00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:51,280 You know, that's like classic Pink Panther. 1011 00:37:52,700 --> 00:37:55,200 This is where you work, huh? LAIRD: Yeah. 1012 00:37:55,620 --> 00:37:58,540 I have a den in the house where I do the financial stuff 1013 00:37:58,540 --> 00:38:01,010 but this is where all the big ideas happen. 1014 00:38:01,010 --> 00:38:03,010 Don't you need a computer and... 1015 00:38:03,010 --> 00:38:05,210 Nah. My girl Justine records everything. 1016 00:38:05,430 --> 00:38:06,380 Right, J? 1017 00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:09,220 JUSTINE: Yep, I'm here. Hey, Ned. 1018 00:38:09,220 --> 00:38:11,550 Hey, why don't you play back a blip from yesterday's session? 1019 00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:14,220 All right, hold on. Fuck. There's so much shit up here in your Cloud. 1020 00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:15,520 Okay, okay got it. 1021 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,440 LAIRD: Come on, idiot, think. Names for games. Um... 1022 00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,110 Ape Assassins Six: Capuchin Chaos. 1023 00:38:21,610 --> 00:38:23,860 Uh, Silverback Salsa. 1024 00:38:23,860 --> 00:38:26,230 Baboon Bukkake. 1025 00:38:26,230 --> 00:38:27,620 Fuck! Wow, that's awful! 1026 00:38:27,620 --> 00:38:28,620 (CHUCKLES) Bad idea. 1027 00:38:28,620 --> 00:38:29,620 Why? Why's that? 1028 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:31,040 Uh... 1029 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:32,460 What does that mean? 1030 00:38:32,460 --> 00:38:33,790 Bukkake? 1031 00:38:33,790 --> 00:38:34,870 Oh, um... 1032 00:38:35,380 --> 00:38:36,890 Just means a lot of things are happening 1033 00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:37,880 and you're feeling overwhelmed. 1034 00:38:38,380 --> 00:38:39,500 Mm-hmm. Yeah. 1035 00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:41,500 Yeah. I've felt bukkake before. 1036 00:38:41,500 --> 00:38:42,500 Hmm... 1037 00:38:45,250 --> 00:38:48,890 Grab a seat. Make yourself comf. Let's break it down. 1038 00:38:48,890 --> 00:38:52,220 Just pop down right here on the floor. 1039 00:38:54,430 --> 00:38:56,760 There you go. 1040 00:38:56,760 --> 00:39:01,020 Ned, I think you and I have so much in common. 1041 00:39:01,270 --> 00:39:04,650 We see something we want and we just dive in 1042 00:39:04,650 --> 00:39:05,440 and we take it. 1043 00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:06,770 Know what I mean? 1044 00:39:08,070 --> 00:39:08,940 Yeah. 1045 00:39:11,330 --> 00:39:12,700 Which is why... 1046 00:39:13,610 --> 00:39:15,830 ...on Christmas Day... 1047 00:39:15,830 --> 00:39:17,670 I'm going to ask Stephy to marry me. 1048 00:39:27,340 --> 00:39:30,010 And I know how tight you two are. 1049 00:39:30,010 --> 00:39:30,880 Mm-hmm. 1050 00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,550 So I'd really, really 1051 00:39:34,050 --> 00:39:34,930 like your blessing. 1052 00:39:35,770 --> 00:39:36,770 (MUTTERS INAUDIBLY) 1053 00:39:38,270 --> 00:39:41,190 Uh, Laird. 1054 00:39:41,190 --> 00:39:42,690 Really appreciate you coming to me. 1055 00:39:42,690 --> 00:39:43,530 'Course. 1056 00:39:43,780 --> 00:39:45,860 But, uh, the answer's no. 1057 00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,200 Dude, I'm so confused. 1058 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,400 What the fuck? What the hell? 1059 00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:55,740 This went so much differently 1060 00:39:55,740 --> 00:39:57,240 when I rehearsed it with Gustav. 1061 00:39:57,570 --> 00:39:59,660 Yeah. I asked you and you were like, 1062 00:39:59,660 --> 00:40:01,160 "Yeah, dude. My son." 1063 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:03,330 Laird. Listen to me, okay. 1064 00:40:03,910 --> 00:40:07,420 Beside the fact that I don't know you from a hole in the wall... 1065 00:40:07,420 --> 00:40:11,420 Stephanie is just not ready for this step in her life. 1066 00:40:11,420 --> 00:40:14,420 Oh, I'm totally getting the signals that she is. 1067 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,390 I'm her father, I know her pretty well. 1068 00:40:17,390 --> 00:40:19,350 Okay, all right. All right, Ned... 1069 00:40:19,350 --> 00:40:21,350 Dude, I know I sprung this on you. 1070 00:40:21,350 --> 00:40:23,980 My bad. Okay? Let's just back it up. 1071 00:40:23,980 --> 00:40:25,480 All right? All right. 1072 00:40:25,490 --> 00:40:28,610 Why don't you give me a few days to win you over, okay? 1073 00:40:28,610 --> 00:40:29,830 And by Christmas morning... 1074 00:40:30,110 --> 00:40:32,530 I promise, you're going to be calling me "son." 1075 00:40:32,740 --> 00:40:34,330 I'm gonna be calling you "Dad". 1076 00:40:34,330 --> 00:40:35,660 Don't think that's going to happen. 1077 00:40:35,910 --> 00:40:37,830 I think it's gonna, Dad. 1078 00:40:39,620 --> 00:40:40,870 Don't. 1079 00:40:41,670 --> 00:40:42,950 (CHUCKLES) Dad, come on. 1080 00:40:42,950 --> 00:40:44,200 Don't call me "Dad." Don't call you "Dad"? 1081 00:40:44,700 --> 00:40:45,540 I'm not your dad. 1082 00:40:45,790 --> 00:40:47,790 I mean, you're gonna be my dad. 1083 00:40:47,790 --> 00:40:48,760 No. No. 1084 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:50,630 What, Dad? (SIGHS) 1085 00:40:53,130 --> 00:40:54,430 Okay, now you're playing with me. 1086 00:40:54,630 --> 00:40:56,220 All right. Dad. 1087 00:40:58,220 --> 00:40:59,640 Look, Laird. 1088 00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:03,560 Why do you even care about what I think? 1089 00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:06,190 You're Stephanie's father. 1090 00:41:06,190 --> 00:41:08,890 I'm not gonna ask Stephanie to marry me unless I have your blessing. 1091 00:41:09,810 --> 00:41:11,280 Okay. 1092 00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:12,620 Justine, did you get that? 1093 00:41:12,870 --> 00:41:14,400 JUSTINE: Totes. Yeah, recorded every word. 1094 00:41:15,870 --> 00:41:17,740 Totes. And totes is what? 1095 00:41:17,740 --> 00:41:20,620 It means totally. But totally's kind of long, so "totes" is just easier. 1096 00:41:22,580 --> 00:41:23,490 Okay. Good. 1097 00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:24,960 Okay. Okay. 1098 00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:25,960 All right, cool. Yeah. 1099 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:28,460 But you gotta promise me 1100 00:41:28,460 --> 00:41:32,050 that you won't tell Steph anything about this. 1101 00:41:32,050 --> 00:41:33,640 About any of this. 1102 00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:36,470 Trust me, that is the last thing in the world I will do. 1103 00:41:36,470 --> 00:41:39,140 For reals, dude. I want it to be a surprise. 1104 00:41:39,340 --> 00:41:40,760 No word. I won't say a word. 1105 00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:42,900 Barb and Scotty, too. No clowning. 1106 00:41:43,150 --> 00:41:44,480 No clowning. 1107 00:41:46,570 --> 00:41:47,900 What? 1108 00:41:47,900 --> 00:41:49,940 I'd just feel a lot better about this if we pinky swore. 1109 00:41:49,940 --> 00:41:51,940 (LAUGHS) 1110 00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:54,770 Oh. 1111 00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:01,910 I see what you mean. Cool. 1112 00:42:01,910 --> 00:42:03,580 Go get breakfast. Okay. 1113 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:06,370 Fuck! 1114 00:42:07,170 --> 00:42:08,670 Sup, guys? 1115 00:42:08,670 --> 00:42:10,670 DEVELOPER 1: Hey, boss. DEVELOPER 2: Mayhew! 1116 00:42:10,670 --> 00:42:12,630 (MAN RAPPING OVER RADIO) ♪ ...took a little longer 1117 00:42:12,630 --> 00:42:16,180 ♪ Go into the school gonna run another banger ♪ 1118 00:42:16,180 --> 00:42:17,680 The fuck? Come with me immediately. 1119 00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:20,470 The hell is this room? 1120 00:42:20,470 --> 00:42:21,800 Randy, get the fuck out. 1121 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:22,800 Yes, sir, Gustav. Mm-hmm. 1122 00:42:26,110 --> 00:42:28,110 I am on the needles und pins. 1123 00:42:28,110 --> 00:42:30,110 I need you to tell me how it went right now 1124 00:42:30,110 --> 00:42:31,110 or I'm going to burst. 1125 00:42:31,110 --> 00:42:32,950 He said no! What? Okay, okay. 1126 00:42:33,450 --> 00:42:36,230 But how did you respond? 1127 00:42:36,230 --> 00:42:39,030 I was blindsided, man. I didn't know what to do. 1128 00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:40,050 I challenged him. 1129 00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:41,990 Okay. I started calling him Dad. 1130 00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,460 Oy vey. The fuck, man! 1131 00:42:45,460 --> 00:42:50,460 Why would you call him Dad? You're putting him at unease! 1132 00:42:50,460 --> 00:42:51,750 You have to find a way in. 1133 00:42:51,750 --> 00:42:54,250 You have to do something for him that's truly special 1134 00:42:54,250 --> 00:42:56,720 so that he knows that your intentions are pure. 1135 00:42:56,720 --> 00:42:58,720 Dude, Goose, I don't know how to talk to the guy. 1136 00:42:58,720 --> 00:43:01,090 It's like we speak two different languages or something. 1137 00:43:01,340 --> 00:43:02,420 You do. Yeah. 1138 00:43:02,430 --> 00:43:03,940 He speaks English. 1139 00:43:03,930 --> 00:43:07,310 And you speak English with resounding amounts of "fuck." 1140 00:43:07,650 --> 00:43:08,730 All right, Stephanie's been on my case, too. 1141 00:43:08,730 --> 00:43:10,020 Yes. I got it. 1142 00:43:10,020 --> 00:43:11,150 All right? Okay. 1143 00:43:11,150 --> 00:43:11,930 Right. All right, man. 1144 00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:13,450 Great. Great. 1145 00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:14,940 You just fucking really hit me really hard. 1146 00:43:14,940 --> 00:43:16,190 I know. I am sorry. 1147 00:43:16,690 --> 00:43:19,530 It's just, Laird... 1148 00:43:19,530 --> 00:43:21,910 ...your relationship with Miss Stephanie 1149 00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:24,780 is very special. It's the real deal. 1150 00:43:24,780 --> 00:43:25,660 Hey. Yes. 1151 00:43:25,670 --> 00:43:28,680 Goose, I know I pay you a shit-ton of money, 1152 00:43:28,670 --> 00:43:30,170 but you're my best friend. 1153 00:43:30,170 --> 00:43:32,840 Our friendship is priceless. 1154 00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:34,790 Hey. Thanks, brother. 1155 00:43:36,380 --> 00:43:38,430 (BOTH SIGHING) 1156 00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:41,760 (GROANING) 1157 00:43:46,190 --> 00:43:47,550 Okay. 1158 00:43:47,550 --> 00:43:48,800 (GROANING) 1159 00:43:48,810 --> 00:43:51,150 Okay. Ow! Mercy. Mercy. 1160 00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:53,230 Fuck. 1161 00:43:55,730 --> 00:43:56,730 Bro, you're incredible. 1162 00:43:56,730 --> 00:43:57,730 That was very imaginative 1163 00:43:57,730 --> 00:43:59,230 how you took that tender moment 1164 00:43:59,230 --> 00:44:00,730 and used it as your pivot to attack. 1165 00:44:00,730 --> 00:44:02,120 Yeah. Very good. 1166 00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:04,120 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 1167 00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:07,120 What's up, Cheese? 1168 00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,040 I'm about to go to the football game. 1169 00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:10,410 Lions, baby! 1170 00:44:10,410 --> 00:44:11,880 NED: Great. How's business? 1171 00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:13,300 Tell me something good. 1172 00:44:13,300 --> 00:44:14,800 Oh, uh... 1173 00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:17,300 I talked to my guy over at Dick's Sporting Goods. 1174 00:44:17,300 --> 00:44:18,800 Don't tell me they're going with China, too. 1175 00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:19,720 Worse. 1176 00:44:20,090 --> 00:44:22,170 Freaking online banner ads. 1177 00:44:22,170 --> 00:44:24,090 No. Damn it. All right, listen. 1178 00:44:24,670 --> 00:44:28,180 I'm gonna call Don Millis at Subaru of Southern Michigan. 1179 00:44:28,180 --> 00:44:31,510 I heard a little rumor that they might be looking for a new dance partner. 1180 00:44:31,510 --> 00:44:33,230 Yeah, Don, the big guy, right? 1181 00:44:33,230 --> 00:44:35,070 You guys go back to your car selling days. 1182 00:44:35,070 --> 00:44:36,900 Yeah. It's worth a shot. Listen... 1183 00:44:36,900 --> 00:44:38,770 I need you to go in and pull his card 1184 00:44:38,770 --> 00:44:40,270 from my rolodex while I look for a pen. 1185 00:44:40,270 --> 00:44:42,160 You got it, Cheese. No, you got it. 1186 00:44:43,530 --> 00:44:46,030 So how goes it in Cali? 1187 00:44:46,030 --> 00:44:48,410 It feels like we've landed in The Twilight Zone. 1188 00:44:48,660 --> 00:44:49,750 Did you find the card? 1189 00:44:51,330 --> 00:44:52,200 Yeah. I got it right here. 1190 00:44:52,540 --> 00:44:53,630 Just hang on. 1191 00:44:53,620 --> 00:44:55,620 I have nothing to write with here. 1192 00:44:55,620 --> 00:44:57,120 This whole house is paperless. 1193 00:44:57,120 --> 00:44:58,010 Paperless? 1194 00:44:58,290 --> 00:44:59,380 Well, how do you wipe your ass? 1195 00:44:59,880 --> 00:45:00,760 You don't. 1196 00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:03,550 They have these Japanese toilets that... (HISSES) 1197 00:45:03,550 --> 00:45:05,630 It's one of those little squat jobs, little squatter. 1198 00:45:06,130 --> 00:45:08,770 No. Just... never mind. Just give me the number. 1199 00:45:08,770 --> 00:45:10,140 JUSTINE: Hey, Ned, I'm here. 1200 00:45:10,140 --> 00:45:11,440 I can take it down for you. 1201 00:45:11,770 --> 00:45:14,140 Justine, please just... I'm fine. 1202 00:45:14,140 --> 00:45:14,940 Just go away. 1203 00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:16,440 All right, I'm just trying to help. 1204 00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:17,860 You don't have to be such a dick. 1205 00:45:17,860 --> 00:45:20,310 LOU: Whoa, whoa. Cheese, who is that? 1206 00:45:20,310 --> 00:45:21,730 She's got a foul little mouth. 1207 00:45:21,730 --> 00:45:23,150 Is that the kid's secretary you fighting with? 1208 00:45:23,150 --> 00:45:25,870 No, no, no. That's the woman who lives in the ceiling. 1209 00:45:25,870 --> 00:45:26,700 Cheese, what she look like? 1210 00:45:26,700 --> 00:45:27,700 The woman who lives... 1211 00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:29,200 You say she lives in the ceiling? 1212 00:45:29,210 --> 00:45:32,000 She's a disembodied voice that... 1213 00:45:31,990 --> 00:45:33,830 Never mind. I'll explain later. 1214 00:45:33,830 --> 00:45:34,830 The voice sounds sexy. 1215 00:45:34,830 --> 00:45:36,130 Are they using somebody famous? 1216 00:45:36,330 --> 00:45:38,410 JUSTINE: I wouldn't say too famous. 1217 00:45:38,410 --> 00:45:39,420 You know, million dollars a week, 1218 00:45:39,420 --> 00:45:41,420 biggest show in the world, no big deal. (COUGHS) 1219 00:45:41,420 --> 00:45:42,550 Lou. She can hear me? 1220 00:45:42,550 --> 00:45:44,140 JUSTINE: Of course I can hear you. 1221 00:45:44,140 --> 00:45:45,090 How you doin', baby? 1222 00:45:45,500 --> 00:45:47,590 (LAUGHS) Better now that I'm talking with you. 1223 00:45:47,590 --> 00:45:49,510 NED: Just give me the number. I'm calling him now. 1224 00:45:54,060 --> 00:45:55,150 Let's catch some waves. 1225 00:45:57,070 --> 00:45:58,900 VIDEO GAME GORILLA: Tsunami. SCOTTY: That guy's cool. 1226 00:45:58,900 --> 00:45:59,770 Yeah, Goose is the best. 1227 00:46:00,100 --> 00:46:01,190 Oh... 1228 00:46:06,110 --> 00:46:07,110 Laird, I'm gonna be honest with you, buddy. 1229 00:46:07,610 --> 00:46:08,610 Okay. 1230 00:46:08,610 --> 00:46:10,610 Gorillas in board shorts is a fun touch. 1231 00:46:10,610 --> 00:46:11,610 Yeah. I'll give you that. 1232 00:46:11,610 --> 00:46:13,620 But when the only mission is to get to shore, 1233 00:46:13,620 --> 00:46:14,620 I'm not feeling enough drama there. 1234 00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:16,120 You know? 1235 00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:19,540 You know what? You're so fucking right. 1236 00:46:19,540 --> 00:46:20,790 Fuck! 1237 00:46:20,790 --> 00:46:22,370 We've been developing this limp dick for months. 1238 00:46:22,380 --> 00:46:23,890 You come and you play it for five minutes, 1239 00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:25,710 you know exactly what's wrong with it. 1240 00:46:25,710 --> 00:46:27,960 You're a sharp little fucker. You know that? 1241 00:46:28,260 --> 00:46:29,850 Thank you. 1242 00:46:29,850 --> 00:46:32,850 I mean, for real, man. I appreciate it. 1243 00:46:32,850 --> 00:46:34,270 It's just nice to be listened to. 1244 00:46:35,220 --> 00:46:36,560 What do you mean? 1245 00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,140 I'm gonna be running my dad's business one day. 1246 00:46:38,140 --> 00:46:39,640 Uh-huh. 1247 00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:42,110 But he won't even listen to any of my ideas about innovation. 1248 00:46:42,530 --> 00:46:44,030 What? Right? 1249 00:46:44,030 --> 00:46:45,450 You're next gen, dude. 1250 00:46:45,450 --> 00:46:47,870 It's where all the new seeds come from. Everyone knows that. 1251 00:46:47,870 --> 00:46:49,230 And I told him that. I was like... 1252 00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:51,750 "Dad, if you're gonna unleash me to my full potentsh... 1253 00:46:51,740 --> 00:46:53,040 "I need a seat at the table." 1254 00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:54,320 He just won't listen to me. 1255 00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:55,660 Um... Get that seat! 1256 00:46:55,660 --> 00:46:57,040 I will get that seat. 1257 00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:58,460 Gotta get that seat, Scotty. That's my seat. 1258 00:46:58,460 --> 00:47:00,050 Nobody else touch it. No. 1259 00:47:00,050 --> 00:47:02,660 Where is that seat? It's at the fucking table. 1260 00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:05,000 (SCOFFS) And I'm gonna get that seat at that table. 1261 00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:06,920 You deserve a fucking throne, dawg. 1262 00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:08,420 Yeah, the Iron Throne. Iron Throne. 1263 00:47:08,420 --> 00:47:10,090 Iron Throne. Game of Thrones over here! 1264 00:47:10,090 --> 00:47:12,090 I'm breathing fire and grabbing titties left and right. 1265 00:47:12,090 --> 00:47:13,090 Fucking King Joffrey up in this. 1266 00:47:13,590 --> 00:47:14,510 Those are my titties! 1267 00:47:14,510 --> 00:47:16,730 You're the next in line. That's me. 1268 00:47:16,730 --> 00:47:17,730 My man. 1269 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:22,770 Oh, God. 1270 00:47:23,770 --> 00:47:25,770 They're paying your student loans. 1271 00:47:25,770 --> 00:47:27,270 They're paying your student loans. 1272 00:47:28,270 --> 00:47:29,270 Oh. 1273 00:47:40,590 --> 00:47:42,090 NED: Stamp Free Invites. 1274 00:47:44,090 --> 00:47:45,090 (CHIMES) 1275 00:47:49,100 --> 00:47:50,520 Oh, man. 1276 00:47:53,970 --> 00:47:55,880 Ho, ho, ho! (DOG BARKS) 1277 00:47:57,300 --> 00:47:58,800 (LLAMA GRUNTS) 1278 00:47:58,800 --> 00:47:59,720 BARB: Wow. 1279 00:47:59,720 --> 00:48:01,140 Is that a horse? That is a llama. 1280 00:48:01,140 --> 00:48:02,140 Oh, a llama. Hi. 1281 00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:03,530 Hello. 1282 00:48:03,530 --> 00:48:05,480 BARB: Oh, my goodness. Hey, girl. 1283 00:48:05,480 --> 00:48:06,980 We don't have those in... 1284 00:48:06,980 --> 00:48:08,450 Dad! 1285 00:48:08,450 --> 00:48:10,980 There you are. This is insane! 1286 00:48:10,980 --> 00:48:12,530 Oh, you working on the books? 1287 00:48:12,540 --> 00:48:14,300 Uh, yeah, you know. Just the little stuff. 1288 00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:18,750 I was thinking about Laird's Christmas party. 1289 00:48:18,740 --> 00:48:20,580 Gustav gave me a preview of the guest list. 1290 00:48:20,580 --> 00:48:22,380 And, Dad, it is a veritable "who's who" 1291 00:48:22,380 --> 00:48:23,910 of Silicon Valley power players. 1292 00:48:23,910 --> 00:48:25,750 Tyson Modell is coming! 1293 00:48:25,750 --> 00:48:27,630 Wait, who is he? What? 1294 00:48:27,630 --> 00:48:28,970 He's the kid who founded Ghostchat. 1295 00:48:28,970 --> 00:48:30,300 Oh, right. 1296 00:48:30,300 --> 00:48:31,390 He turned down three billion dollars from Facebook, 1297 00:48:31,750 --> 00:48:33,310 and he's only 24 years old. 1298 00:48:33,310 --> 00:48:36,730 I'm gonna broker a sit-down between you two. 1299 00:48:36,730 --> 00:48:38,480 Dad, thank you for telling me to pack a blazer. 1300 00:48:38,980 --> 00:48:40,980 Now, should I throw on a tie or should I keep it business casual? 1301 00:48:40,980 --> 00:48:42,760 Scotty, just listen to me, all right? 1302 00:48:42,770 --> 00:48:44,860 Most of these Internet companies 1303 00:48:44,850 --> 00:48:47,100 are built on smoke and mirrors. 1304 00:48:47,100 --> 00:48:48,400 What? 1305 00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:49,440 Don't get sucked in. 1306 00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,820 That whole industry is based on hooey. 1307 00:48:51,820 --> 00:48:53,910 I'm gonna drop some knowledge on you. 1308 00:48:53,910 --> 00:48:55,490 Times are changing, Pops. 1309 00:48:55,490 --> 00:48:57,580 And not everything you think is hooey is hooey. 1310 00:48:58,580 --> 00:49:00,500 Wow. That's profound. 1311 00:49:00,830 --> 00:49:02,420 Profound. 1312 00:49:03,420 --> 00:49:04,920 And you... 1313 00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:07,010 Hooey-meister himself. 1314 00:49:09,180 --> 00:49:10,690 You're nothing but an octopus. 1315 00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:13,050 An octopus. 1316 00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:17,680 (EDM PLAYING) 1317 00:49:27,140 --> 00:49:29,110 LAIRD: (ON TAPE) Merry fuckin' Christmas 1318 00:49:29,110 --> 00:49:31,110 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 1319 00:49:42,830 --> 00:49:44,300 What are you pouring? 1320 00:49:44,290 --> 00:49:46,500 We are doing a deconstructed eggnog tonight. 1321 00:49:46,500 --> 00:49:48,500 Eggnog. Yes. Thank you. 1322 00:49:48,500 --> 00:49:49,920 Where you from, boss? 1323 00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:51,130 Michigan. 1324 00:49:51,130 --> 00:49:52,830 Oh, Michigan. You in the car business? 1325 00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:54,900 Uh, no. Printing. Ned Fleming. 1326 00:49:55,250 --> 00:49:56,890 Elon Musk. Elon Musk? 1327 00:49:57,470 --> 00:49:58,390 Yeah. Tesla, Elon Musk? 1328 00:49:58,760 --> 00:49:59,730 Yeah. Wow. 1329 00:50:01,090 --> 00:50:02,390 How do you know Laird? 1330 00:50:02,390 --> 00:50:03,480 Uh... 1331 00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:05,350 He's dating my daughter. 1332 00:50:06,770 --> 00:50:08,230 Uh-oh. 1333 00:50:08,230 --> 00:50:09,520 Nice talking to you. Yeah. 1334 00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:10,600 What? 1335 00:50:12,070 --> 00:50:13,990 Oh, hey! Hi, honey! 1336 00:50:13,990 --> 00:50:16,490 Could I get a glass of white wine, please? 1337 00:50:17,940 --> 00:50:19,950 Ooh, hiya, handsome. Hi! 1338 00:50:19,950 --> 00:50:21,360 You look great. Oh, come on. 1339 00:50:21,860 --> 00:50:23,580 No, you do. Thank you. 1340 00:50:23,580 --> 00:50:26,450 I'm just getting in the holiday spirit. 1341 00:50:26,450 --> 00:50:30,790 So what were you talking to Laird about for so long? 1342 00:50:30,790 --> 00:50:32,870 I got the entire Mayhew family saga. 1343 00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,470 Oh, God. I'm sorry. 1344 00:50:34,460 --> 00:50:37,510 No, no, turns out it was pretty interesting actually. 1345 00:50:37,510 --> 00:50:40,800 His mother was a secretary at one of these tech companies. 1346 00:50:40,970 --> 00:50:43,300 Can I interest you in a Kobe beef slider? 1347 00:50:43,300 --> 00:50:44,600 Ooh, yum. Real food? 1348 00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:46,890 Yes, I'm starving. 1349 00:50:46,890 --> 00:50:48,640 Wait, what? 1350 00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:50,280 Oh, God. 1351 00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:52,060 Ma'am? Kobe squirt? No, thanks. 1352 00:50:52,310 --> 00:50:53,400 Thank you. 1353 00:50:53,810 --> 00:50:55,200 It's actually pretty tasty. 1354 00:50:55,700 --> 00:50:58,620 Anyway, she saw all these young programmers getting rich. 1355 00:50:58,820 --> 00:51:01,290 So she basically forced Laird 1356 00:51:01,290 --> 00:51:05,160 to spend his entire childhood inside, learning computers. 1357 00:51:06,630 --> 00:51:09,040 I think that's kind of sad, right? 1358 00:51:20,010 --> 00:51:20,970 He ate it. Hmm. 1359 00:51:22,510 --> 00:51:24,310 He's an octopus. 1360 00:51:24,310 --> 00:51:25,890 That kid is wrapping his tentacles 1361 00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:27,910 around every member of this family. 1362 00:51:27,900 --> 00:51:29,400 He's manipulating you. 1363 00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:31,980 Darling, we need to bring this down a notch. 1364 00:51:31,980 --> 00:51:34,400 Okay? You think you're at war with Laird. 1365 00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:37,270 But he's not fighting. It's just you. 1366 00:51:37,270 --> 00:51:38,660 Come on, let's go meet his friends. 1367 00:51:38,660 --> 00:51:40,240 They look darling. 1368 00:51:40,240 --> 00:51:41,740 Oh, God. 1369 00:51:41,740 --> 00:51:44,950 Totally tanked porting the thin-client apps for the JDK build. 1370 00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:46,530 The fuck? So you had to rewrite all the code? 1371 00:51:46,530 --> 00:51:48,530 Mm-hmm. By myself. 1372 00:51:48,530 --> 00:51:50,840 LAIRD: But did you do it? Oh, you know I did! 1373 00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:52,250 Hey, there they are! Hi. 1374 00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:53,770 Looking like a babe. 1375 00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:54,840 Look who's looking sharp. 1376 00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:56,540 Okay! Hello! 1377 00:51:56,540 --> 00:51:58,430 Tyson, these are Stephanie's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Fleming. 1378 00:51:59,010 --> 00:52:01,010 Oh, no. Barb and Ned, please. 1379 00:52:01,010 --> 00:52:02,600 So it was fucked up, man. 1380 00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:04,430 It took me two weeks 1381 00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:06,220 on the J2EE database... (MOUTHING) 1382 00:52:06,220 --> 00:52:08,520 trying to get the interface to react with the server... 1383 00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:10,560 so I can get the containers up and running again. 1384 00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:15,030 I'm sorry. Tyson, what's a J2EE? 1385 00:52:15,030 --> 00:52:17,310 Java 2 Platform Enterprise Edition. 1386 00:52:17,310 --> 00:52:18,560 Do you not write code? Sorry. 1387 00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:20,400 This guy's the worst. Yeah. 1388 00:52:20,570 --> 00:52:22,650 I'm actually more of a personal relations kind of guy. 1389 00:52:22,650 --> 00:52:25,120 Like account management, client services. That kind of stuff. 1390 00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,210 Dude, this kid is fucking awesome. 1391 00:52:27,210 --> 00:52:30,790 Yes, Ned is grooming Scotty to take over our family business. 1392 00:52:30,790 --> 00:52:31,790 That's right. 1393 00:52:31,790 --> 00:52:33,800 We own a printing business in Michigan. 1394 00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:34,880 Really? I'm sure you're familiar 1395 00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:36,380 with those two siblings over there 1396 00:52:36,380 --> 00:52:37,880 since you're in the printing business. 1397 00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:40,420 Yo, brother-sister act! You gotta meet this guy. 1398 00:52:40,420 --> 00:52:41,420 Hello! 1399 00:52:41,420 --> 00:52:43,340 Hey! Blaine and Missy Pederman. 1400 00:52:43,340 --> 00:52:44,810 Hi, I'm Barb Fleming. 1401 00:52:44,810 --> 00:52:46,220 This is my husband. Ned. 1402 00:52:46,230 --> 00:52:48,940 I'm Scott Fleming. Nice to meet you. 1403 00:52:49,090 --> 00:52:50,680 I'm sorry, we were told we might know you, 1404 00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,060 but I'm afraid we don't. 1405 00:52:52,060 --> 00:52:54,400 Blaine and Missy started Stamp Free Invites. 1406 00:52:56,690 --> 00:52:58,490 Oh, okay. 1407 00:52:58,490 --> 00:52:59,770 Right. 1408 00:52:59,770 --> 00:53:00,770 What's up? 1409 00:53:00,770 --> 00:53:02,270 Did the server forget to send a reminder 1410 00:53:02,270 --> 00:53:04,440 for your birthday party or something? 1411 00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:07,530 No, he is actually in the printing business. 1412 00:53:08,030 --> 00:53:09,530 Oh, shit. Whoops. 1413 00:53:10,030 --> 00:53:11,030 No, no. 1414 00:53:11,030 --> 00:53:12,030 We didn't put you out of business or anything? 1415 00:53:12,030 --> 00:53:13,120 No. 1416 00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:15,700 What? Ruin our business? No, no. 1417 00:53:15,700 --> 00:53:17,540 We're doing quite well. Thank you. 1418 00:53:17,540 --> 00:53:18,370 Oh, that's great! 1419 00:53:18,870 --> 00:53:19,880 Good for you! Honestly, good for you. 1420 00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:21,710 We love little mom-and-pop printers. 1421 00:53:21,710 --> 00:53:24,050 So inspirational. So important. Mm-hmm. 1422 00:53:24,050 --> 00:53:25,680 My dad has more of a factory. 1423 00:53:25,680 --> 00:53:26,880 Not to brag, but we're a pretty big shop. 1424 00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:28,850 People need paper. They need something to write on. 1425 00:53:28,850 --> 00:53:30,350 They love the feel of that card stock in their hands. 1426 00:53:30,350 --> 00:53:31,850 Yeah. 1427 00:53:31,850 --> 00:53:33,360 MISSY: I've never heard anyone say that. 1428 00:53:33,770 --> 00:53:36,360 Hmm. We have not found that at all. 1429 00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:37,640 Yeah. Nope. 1430 00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:39,230 I think we come from two different worlds. 1431 00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:40,610 Yes, we do. 1432 00:53:40,610 --> 00:53:43,700 You better start learning code pretty fucking fast, dude. 1433 00:53:43,700 --> 00:53:45,200 Dude, Ned was crushing it 1434 00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:47,950 since before you two were fighting over your mother's titties. 1435 00:53:47,950 --> 00:53:49,820 BLAINE: Our mom didn't breastfeed us. 1436 00:53:49,820 --> 00:53:51,660 Laird, you know we had a wet nurse. 1437 00:53:51,660 --> 00:53:53,160 Oh, I can tell. 1438 00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:55,040 Boy, I'll tell you, I don't know what's going on. 1439 00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:55,960 I'm lost. 1440 00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:57,710 I'm overwhelmed. Yeah! Me, too. 1441 00:53:57,710 --> 00:53:59,550 There's bukkake floating all around me. 1442 00:53:59,550 --> 00:54:00,800 BARB: What? Hm? 1443 00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:02,250 What's bukkake? 1444 00:54:02,250 --> 00:54:03,500 Oh, Laird told me. 1445 00:54:03,500 --> 00:54:05,140 It means when you're overwhelmed 1446 00:54:05,140 --> 00:54:06,170 and you got too much going on. 1447 00:54:06,170 --> 00:54:08,170 BARB: Oh, my gosh. Can't figure things out. 1448 00:54:08,170 --> 00:54:10,680 Then, I'm drowning in bukkake at this point. 1449 00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:12,010 Okay, I'm gonna be real with you guys. 1450 00:54:12,010 --> 00:54:12,840 It means jizz on your face. 1451 00:54:14,230 --> 00:54:15,730 I'm sorry? 1452 00:54:15,730 --> 00:54:17,070 Bukkake means covered in jizz. 1453 00:54:17,070 --> 00:54:18,320 Tons of jizz, ejaculate. 1454 00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:19,650 Usually after a gangbang. 1455 00:54:20,240 --> 00:54:21,440 Not as bad as it sounds. 1456 00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:22,520 TYSON: Yeah, post-gangbang. 1457 00:54:23,020 --> 00:54:25,740 Or during. Depends if someone finishes early. 1458 00:54:25,740 --> 00:54:26,830 NED: What the heck? 1459 00:54:26,830 --> 00:54:28,110 I was trying to protect you, dude. 1460 00:54:28,110 --> 00:54:29,830 Protect me? LAIRD: Fucking Justine. 1461 00:54:29,830 --> 00:54:31,200 You mean embarrass me? 1462 00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:32,450 It was a really sensitive conversation. 1463 00:54:32,450 --> 00:54:33,450 I didn't want to start talking 1464 00:54:33,450 --> 00:54:34,830 about guys jerking off on each other. 1465 00:54:34,830 --> 00:54:36,200 NED: Why'd you tell me it was overwhelming? 1466 00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:37,620 Justine brought it up! 1467 00:54:37,620 --> 00:54:40,090 I hope this is an opportune time to show a video. 1468 00:54:40,090 --> 00:54:41,010 LAIRD: It's not. 1469 00:54:41,510 --> 00:54:42,790 NED: Oh, God! TYSON: Yeah. 1470 00:54:42,790 --> 00:54:44,380 Oh, and this is a teaching moment. 1471 00:54:44,380 --> 00:54:45,840 Here's another. NED: Oh, my God. 1472 00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:47,300 STEPHANIE: No. Scotty. NED: Don't look at that. 1473 00:54:47,300 --> 00:54:49,380 It's all good. You don't have to see this. 1474 00:54:49,380 --> 00:54:50,720 Is that you? 1475 00:54:54,100 --> 00:54:55,600 No. 1476 00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:56,600 LAIRD: Oh, my God. 1477 00:54:59,980 --> 00:55:01,980 (RAGE THE NIGHT AWAY PLAYING) 1478 00:55:03,700 --> 00:55:06,110 (CROWD CHEERING) 1479 00:55:06,370 --> 00:55:08,040 ♪ We alive right now, now 1480 00:55:09,870 --> 00:55:11,240 ♪ Let's get hot right now 1481 00:55:11,240 --> 00:55:13,490 ♪ We don't give a damn about money 1482 00:55:13,490 --> 00:55:15,210 ♪ We alive right now 1483 00:55:15,210 --> 00:55:17,160 ♪ All we do is party, party 1484 00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:18,410 ♪ And get hot right now 1485 00:55:21,460 --> 00:55:24,800 (SCREAMING) 1486 00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:25,970 Are you okay? 1487 00:55:26,720 --> 00:55:29,000 BOTH: Yeah! 1488 00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:30,470 Come on, Daddy. You're okay! 1489 00:55:30,470 --> 00:55:32,260 Okay, I just need to take a breather. One... 1490 00:55:34,090 --> 00:55:35,480 ♪ Do it again... 1491 00:55:35,810 --> 00:55:37,230 ♪ Lost my mind, I'm a lose it again 1492 00:55:37,230 --> 00:55:39,150 I love this kid. 1493 00:55:39,150 --> 00:55:41,480 Oh, my God! 1494 00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:42,980 ♪ Rage, rage the night away 1495 00:55:42,990 --> 00:55:44,750 ♪ Forget about the money I spent today 1496 00:55:44,740 --> 00:55:46,320 ♪ Rage, rage the night away 1497 00:55:46,320 --> 00:55:49,240 DDT your ass. I love you, dawg. 1498 00:55:50,330 --> 00:55:52,490 ♪ Forget about the money I spent today ♪ 1499 00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:54,590 (CHEERING) 1500 00:55:54,580 --> 00:55:57,280 (SHOUTING) 1501 00:56:01,790 --> 00:56:03,710 (SCREAMING) 1502 00:56:09,930 --> 00:56:10,960 Hi, Pops. 1503 00:56:12,710 --> 00:56:14,220 I just need some fresh air. Can I come? 1504 00:56:22,940 --> 00:56:25,690 We've always been straight with each other, haven't we? 1505 00:56:25,980 --> 00:56:27,060 Yeah, of course. 1506 00:56:27,060 --> 00:56:28,150 Okay, I need to ask you a question. 1507 00:56:28,150 --> 00:56:29,650 And I mean this honestly. 1508 00:56:29,650 --> 00:56:30,950 Okay. What? 1509 00:56:30,950 --> 00:56:31,700 You're scaring me. 1510 00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:33,030 No. It's just... 1511 00:56:34,370 --> 00:56:35,370 What? 1512 00:56:36,370 --> 00:56:37,870 Why Laird? 1513 00:56:37,870 --> 00:56:39,160 I mean, come on. Oh, my God. 1514 00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:40,830 Why? (GROANS) Dad. 1515 00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:43,240 You are so smart and you're beautiful. 1516 00:56:43,250 --> 00:56:45,560 You could be dating anyone. Why? 1517 00:56:45,550 --> 00:56:46,800 I don't get it. You want the truth? 1518 00:56:47,170 --> 00:56:48,380 Yes. 1519 00:56:48,380 --> 00:56:50,420 He kind of reminds me of you. 1520 00:56:51,840 --> 00:56:53,140 What? 1521 00:56:54,390 --> 00:56:55,340 Me? Yes. 1522 00:56:55,340 --> 00:56:57,310 Okay, I need you to explain that one. 1523 00:56:57,310 --> 00:56:58,760 How? 1524 00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:01,150 You're both the most honest and authentic men that I know. 1525 00:57:01,150 --> 00:57:02,510 It comes out in totally different ways. 1526 00:57:02,510 --> 00:57:03,770 Oh, well... 1527 00:57:03,770 --> 00:57:05,430 Laird has literally no filter. 1528 00:57:05,430 --> 00:57:07,990 I don't know that to be true. Is that right? 1529 00:57:07,990 --> 00:57:09,740 Okay. Sorry. 1530 00:57:09,740 --> 00:57:11,910 Trying to help you out here. (SIGHS) 1531 00:57:12,190 --> 00:57:14,690 But I swear his heart is always in the right place. 1532 00:57:17,580 --> 00:57:19,080 He's a very good guy. 1533 00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:21,580 And I love him. 1534 00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:27,760 You love him? 1535 00:57:33,510 --> 00:57:35,010 (WHINES) What? 1536 00:57:35,510 --> 00:57:37,300 I'm processing. 1537 00:57:37,300 --> 00:57:38,430 We had the... Very funny, Dad. 1538 00:57:40,220 --> 00:57:42,220 Okay. Okay. 1539 00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:44,610 Just try to be cordial. 1540 00:57:44,610 --> 00:57:45,610 I will. I'll try. 1541 00:57:45,610 --> 00:57:47,610 Okay? I'll try. Try to what? 1542 00:57:47,610 --> 00:57:49,110 I'll try to just... 1543 00:57:50,560 --> 00:57:55,120 ...understand that person better. 1544 00:57:56,120 --> 00:57:57,450 (LAUGHS) 1545 00:57:57,950 --> 00:57:58,790 Come here. 1546 00:58:09,670 --> 00:58:10,680 Hey. 1547 00:58:12,470 --> 00:58:13,470 Hi. 1548 00:58:13,970 --> 00:58:16,470 (SIGHS) Long night. What are you doing? 1549 00:58:17,920 --> 00:58:19,470 Just chilling. 1550 00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:22,760 Barb, is that my shirt? 1551 00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:24,850 I don't know, is it? 1552 00:58:24,850 --> 00:58:26,350 Want me to take it off? 1553 00:58:26,350 --> 00:58:29,350 Would you, please? I only brought two dress shirts. 1554 00:58:29,350 --> 00:58:30,350 I really don't feel like ironing 1555 00:58:30,350 --> 00:58:31,900 while I'm on this trip. 1556 00:58:33,610 --> 00:58:35,690 (GROANS) I'm so exhausted. 1557 00:58:37,610 --> 00:58:38,580 Oh, yeah. 1558 00:58:38,580 --> 00:58:39,990 Take it off, baby. 1559 00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:43,790 Yeah! Take it off. Take off those shoes, girl. 1560 00:58:43,950 --> 00:58:47,040 Let me see those feet. I wanna see those feet! 1561 00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:48,540 Did you hit your head or something? 1562 00:58:48,540 --> 00:58:51,010 Yeah. Let me smell that shoe. 1563 00:58:51,010 --> 00:58:52,010 You don't wanna smell my shoe. 1564 00:58:52,010 --> 00:58:53,010 Yeah, I want feet! 1565 00:58:53,510 --> 00:58:55,510 I want those feet out of those socks. 1566 00:58:55,510 --> 00:58:56,880 Barb, what happened to you? 1567 00:58:57,130 --> 00:58:59,010 I am so stoned right now. 1568 00:58:59,010 --> 00:59:00,270 What? 1569 00:59:00,270 --> 00:59:02,270 Yeah, I am so baked. 1570 00:59:02,270 --> 00:59:04,270 I am like super baked. 1571 00:59:04,270 --> 00:59:06,770 Barb. What? Where did you? (LAUGHS) 1572 00:59:06,770 --> 00:59:09,520 I was very lonely after you guys left. 1573 00:59:09,520 --> 00:59:14,110 And I saw this guy, and he had a cigarette. 1574 00:59:14,110 --> 00:59:16,610 I thought it was one of those electronic cigarettes. 1575 00:59:16,620 --> 00:59:17,580 They're called E-cigs. 1576 00:59:17,570 --> 00:59:18,650 Yeah. 1577 00:59:19,150 --> 00:59:20,650 But turns out... 1578 00:59:20,650 --> 00:59:22,650 I was vaping. 1579 00:59:22,650 --> 00:59:24,160 What? 1580 00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:25,490 I was vaping. 1581 00:59:25,490 --> 00:59:26,790 What is that? 1582 00:59:26,790 --> 00:59:29,710 It's marijuana that comes out of some kind of machine. 1583 00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:31,590 Keep your voice down! Ned, it's legal. 1584 00:59:31,580 --> 00:59:34,550 Oh, this poor boy had it for sleep apnea. 1585 00:59:34,550 --> 00:59:37,500 At his age? So sad. I'm going to bed. That's it. 1586 00:59:37,500 --> 00:59:39,800 No, no, no. Wait! 1587 00:59:39,810 --> 00:59:41,070 Barbara, I'm tired. Wait a minute. (MUTTERS) 1588 00:59:41,060 --> 00:59:42,010 And I've got a headache. 1589 00:59:42,010 --> 00:59:44,480 Let's play a little bit, huh? No, no. 1590 00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:46,730 I'll give you one of my patented massages. 1591 00:59:46,730 --> 00:59:48,010 Barb. Let's take the Little Cheese 1592 00:59:48,010 --> 00:59:49,510 out for a spin. No, no, no. 1593 00:59:49,510 --> 00:59:51,020 Come on, let me just see him. Don't. 1594 00:59:51,020 --> 00:59:52,570 I just want to see him. Don't call him that. 1595 00:59:52,570 --> 00:59:53,650 Please. Come on. 1596 00:59:53,650 --> 00:59:55,070 Oh, my God! 1597 00:59:55,070 --> 00:59:57,570 You used to love getting high and fooling around. 1598 00:59:57,570 --> 00:59:59,070 What? Barb! No, Barb. 1599 00:59:59,070 --> 01:00:01,080 We're on vacation! But someone could walk... 1600 01:00:01,080 --> 01:00:02,580 There's no locks on the door! 1601 01:00:02,580 --> 01:00:03,780 What? 1602 01:00:03,780 --> 01:00:06,700 Justine! Do you have any Kiss? 1603 01:00:06,700 --> 01:00:08,200 JUSTINE: Oh, hell yeah! 1604 01:00:08,200 --> 01:00:09,670 Are you kids gonna do it? Yes. 1605 01:00:09,670 --> 01:00:12,090 NED: No. We're doing it already. 1606 01:00:12,090 --> 01:00:13,450 We're doing it right now. Barb! 1607 01:00:13,870 --> 01:00:14,960 I'm doing it with my feet. One foot. 1608 01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:17,460 That's Kiss! Honey, you love Kiss! 1609 01:00:17,460 --> 01:00:19,040 But not right now. 1610 01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:21,630 (I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN' YOU PLAYING) 1611 01:00:21,630 --> 01:00:25,520 ♪ Ned was made for loving Barb ♪ 1612 01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:26,600 Yell! 1613 01:00:26,600 --> 01:00:30,100 (GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY) 1614 01:00:31,110 --> 01:00:33,110 Yeah. Yeah. 1615 01:00:33,110 --> 01:00:34,110 Look what I learned at the party. 1616 01:00:34,110 --> 01:00:35,610 What? 1617 01:00:35,610 --> 01:00:37,110 There was this real cute girl, and she was going like this. 1618 01:00:37,110 --> 01:00:39,030 (EXCLAIMING) 1619 01:00:39,030 --> 01:00:40,950 She was doing this cute, new dance. 1620 01:00:40,950 --> 01:00:42,950 You're gonna throw your back out. 1621 01:00:42,950 --> 01:00:44,450 I'm not gonna throw my... 1622 01:00:44,950 --> 01:00:46,070 I'll throw you out. 1623 01:00:46,070 --> 01:00:47,660 Let me get on you. Wait, do you smell that? 1624 01:00:47,660 --> 01:00:49,660 I'm putting him in. What is that scent? 1625 01:00:49,660 --> 01:00:50,910 There. Oh, it's in. 1626 01:00:50,910 --> 01:00:52,490 (MOANING) 1627 01:00:52,990 --> 01:00:54,500 What is that? (GASPS) Oh, my God. 1628 01:00:54,500 --> 01:00:56,000 Oh, my God! 1629 01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:58,830 Is that Indian Summer by Priscilla Presley? 1630 01:00:58,830 --> 01:01:01,220 I used to wear that perfume in the 90s. 1631 01:01:01,220 --> 01:01:03,390 JUSTINE: Yup, pumping some in. 1632 01:01:03,390 --> 01:01:06,260 I saw you mentioned it on your college reunion's Facebook page. 1633 01:01:06,260 --> 01:01:07,840 I know what you like, Ned. 1634 01:01:07,840 --> 01:01:10,090 Oh, I know you do, dawg. 1635 01:01:10,100 --> 01:01:12,190 Yeah, get in there. Get it! 1636 01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:14,020 Barb! Get you some! 1637 01:01:14,270 --> 01:01:15,850 Get it! Good. Oh, that's... Okay. 1638 01:01:15,850 --> 01:01:17,600 Yeah. You're almost in there. 1639 01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:19,740 No, you're, like, six inches away from it. 1640 01:01:19,740 --> 01:01:22,110 Get in there. Yeah, that's the spirit. 1641 01:01:22,270 --> 01:01:23,830 Barb. Oh! Yeah! 1642 01:01:23,830 --> 01:01:25,080 Barb! That's good. 1643 01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:27,160 Oh, that's good. You're getting into it now. 1644 01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:28,330 That's it! (SQUEALS) No! 1645 01:01:28,330 --> 01:01:30,330 No, no! Take me! Yes! Take me! 1646 01:01:30,330 --> 01:01:31,830 I'm not... Take me. 1647 01:01:31,830 --> 01:01:33,840 I'm taking you right to bed. That's what I'm doing. 1648 01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:34,840 (SQUEALING) Here you go. Yes. 1649 01:01:34,840 --> 01:01:36,340 No, I wanna do sex. 1650 01:01:36,340 --> 01:01:37,840 We are not gonna do sex. No, honey. 1651 01:01:37,840 --> 01:01:38,790 But I want to. 1652 01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:40,210 Justine, turn all the music off please... 1653 01:01:40,210 --> 01:01:41,710 I wanna do it. 1654 01:01:41,710 --> 01:01:43,180 ...and leave us alone for the rest of the night. 1655 01:01:43,180 --> 01:01:44,210 It's gonna be full penetration! 1656 01:01:44,710 --> 01:01:45,880 NED: Would you stop! 1657 01:01:45,880 --> 01:01:47,970 (SIGHS, SNIFFLES) 1658 01:01:49,970 --> 01:01:52,220 JUSTINE: Psst... Hey, girl. 1659 01:01:52,220 --> 01:01:53,550 Fifth button from the right. 1660 01:01:54,860 --> 01:01:56,360 You'll thank me later. 1661 01:02:03,870 --> 01:02:05,450 (NOZZLE HISSING) 1662 01:02:10,460 --> 01:02:11,460 ♪ Mama, won't you please let me 1663 01:02:11,460 --> 01:02:12,460 Mama, won't you please let me 1664 01:02:12,460 --> 01:02:13,960 Mmm... 1665 01:02:13,960 --> 01:02:15,240 ♪ Mama, won't you please let me 1666 01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:27,310 ♪ Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1667 01:02:27,310 --> 01:02:29,720 ♪ Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1668 01:02:29,720 --> 01:02:32,310 ♪ Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1669 01:02:32,310 --> 01:02:34,850 ♪ Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1670 01:02:34,850 --> 01:02:37,350 ♪ Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1671 01:02:37,350 --> 01:02:39,850 ♪ Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1672 01:02:39,850 --> 01:02:42,190 ♪ Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1673 01:02:42,190 --> 01:02:44,690 ♪ Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump ♪ 1674 01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:49,330 (CALLING) 1675 01:02:52,700 --> 01:02:54,000 There we go, girls. 1676 01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:04,710 (CONTINUES CALLING) 1677 01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:12,130 (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) 1678 01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:31,490 Oh! 1679 01:03:32,070 --> 01:03:33,650 Okay. You all right? 1680 01:03:33,660 --> 01:03:35,170 Yeah. Oh, man. 1681 01:03:35,160 --> 01:03:36,660 That's it. 1682 01:03:36,660 --> 01:03:37,660 Dude, I thought I was gonna make it. 1683 01:03:37,660 --> 01:03:39,130 I know. You almost did, but... 1684 01:03:40,080 --> 01:03:41,580 Very good evasive parkour. 1685 01:03:41,580 --> 01:03:43,410 Yes, but the last move you ate shit. 1686 01:03:43,420 --> 01:03:44,730 I know. (GUSTAV LAUGHS) 1687 01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:45,720 GUSTAV: I'll put you on the table later 1688 01:03:46,220 --> 01:03:47,220 and we'll do a little adjustment. 1689 01:03:59,930 --> 01:04:01,930 Ah! 1690 01:04:01,930 --> 01:04:05,440 Christmas tree shopping with the Big Cheese. 1691 01:04:05,440 --> 01:04:07,940 Ned, you don't know how excited I am about this. 1692 01:04:07,940 --> 01:04:09,940 I don't know if I ever mentioned this, 1693 01:04:09,940 --> 01:04:11,940 but I never had a father to do this kind of stuff with. 1694 01:04:11,940 --> 01:04:14,360 I'm glad we're getting a chance to hang out. 1695 01:04:15,610 --> 01:04:16,500 That's nice. 1696 01:04:17,530 --> 01:04:20,620 Uh, it's not getting me hard. 1697 01:04:20,620 --> 01:04:23,120 You need an erection to buy a Christmas tree? 1698 01:04:23,620 --> 01:04:24,620 Helps. 1699 01:04:24,620 --> 01:04:26,460 (CHUCKLES) 1700 01:04:26,460 --> 01:04:28,040 I wanna get to know you better. 1701 01:04:28,040 --> 01:04:29,540 I mean, you're so perfect. 1702 01:04:29,540 --> 01:04:32,550 Seriously, did you always have your shit together? 1703 01:04:32,550 --> 01:04:33,460 Oh, heck no. 1704 01:04:33,470 --> 01:04:35,060 I got fired selling Datsuns. 1705 01:04:37,550 --> 01:04:39,550 How'd you fuck up selling little dogs? 1706 01:04:41,060 --> 01:04:43,020 No. Datsuns. 1707 01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:44,810 What's that? 1708 01:04:44,810 --> 01:04:45,780 It's a car. Doesn't matter. 1709 01:04:46,140 --> 01:04:47,480 It doesn't exist anymore. 1710 01:04:47,480 --> 01:04:49,150 But you're still here. 1711 01:04:49,150 --> 01:04:50,730 (SCOFFS) 1712 01:04:50,730 --> 01:04:53,990 You ever get nervous about shifting tides? 1713 01:04:53,990 --> 01:04:57,570 Well, you know, every business has its ups and downs. 1714 01:04:57,570 --> 01:04:59,490 Yeah, I know it, bro. 1715 01:04:59,490 --> 01:05:01,880 Guerrilla Gang, it's been struggling a little bit. 1716 01:05:02,710 --> 01:05:04,080 Really? 1717 01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:06,380 Yeah, it's just a fucking tough landscape, dude. 1718 01:05:08,300 --> 01:05:10,250 What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 1719 01:05:11,750 --> 01:05:14,260 Whoa. (EXHALES) 1720 01:05:14,260 --> 01:05:16,560 Chills. Did you come up with that? 1721 01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:19,140 No, Laird. 1722 01:05:21,430 --> 01:05:22,430 Whoa, whoa. 1723 01:05:23,430 --> 01:05:25,180 There she blows, Ned. 1724 01:05:25,180 --> 01:05:27,150 It's our motherfucking tree. 1725 01:05:27,150 --> 01:05:29,440 Why not? It'll look great opposite your moose. 1726 01:05:30,320 --> 01:05:32,190 Ned, Ned. Not that one. 1727 01:05:33,610 --> 01:05:35,110 That one. 1728 01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:40,000 Oh, no. See, Laird... 1729 01:05:40,200 --> 01:05:41,780 that doesn't belong to this lot. 1730 01:05:41,780 --> 01:05:42,830 See, it's owned by... 1731 01:05:42,830 --> 01:05:44,700 Wet games? Wewt Games. 1732 01:05:44,700 --> 01:05:46,040 Like, 'woot-woot'. 1733 01:05:46,040 --> 01:05:47,510 I know those dudes. They're dicks. 1734 01:05:47,870 --> 01:05:49,540 Tried to rip off Ape Assassins. 1735 01:05:49,540 --> 01:05:51,630 Plus, it's the first Christmas with the family, dude. 1736 01:05:52,130 --> 01:05:53,090 Gotta do it right. 1737 01:05:53,090 --> 01:05:54,010 Hey, buddy. 1738 01:05:54,260 --> 01:05:55,350 Yeah. 1739 01:05:55,350 --> 01:05:56,850 Can I borrow that chainsaw? 1740 01:05:56,850 --> 01:05:57,720 Are you serious? 1741 01:05:58,550 --> 01:05:59,550 Yeah. 1742 01:06:00,140 --> 01:06:02,230 (GRUNTING) Fucking... 1743 01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:03,720 Come on. 1744 01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:06,970 Will you hurry up? 1745 01:06:06,980 --> 01:06:08,450 I'm trying. 1746 01:06:08,440 --> 01:06:10,860 Come on, guy. I need my chainsaw back. 1747 01:06:10,860 --> 01:06:12,360 Just give me a second. 1748 01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:13,860 Should we call an ambulance now, 1749 01:06:13,870 --> 01:06:15,240 or wait till he loses a finger? 1750 01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:18,620 Can I borrow those? 1751 01:06:19,620 --> 01:06:20,620 Have at it. 1752 01:06:21,120 --> 01:06:22,910 Okay. Laird just... 1753 01:06:22,910 --> 01:06:23,960 Okay. 1754 01:06:23,960 --> 01:06:24,910 Hand it over? 1755 01:06:24,910 --> 01:06:26,040 You sure, Ned? Yup. 1756 01:06:31,630 --> 01:06:34,090 (MOTOR STARTS) Oh! 1757 01:06:34,090 --> 01:06:35,920 Total fucking Dad move! 1758 01:06:37,840 --> 01:06:40,170 (ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE PLAYING) 1759 01:06:47,980 --> 01:06:51,740 (MOUTHING) Oh, shit! 1760 01:06:51,940 --> 01:06:55,190 ♪ You keep on dancing and the room gets hot 1761 01:06:55,190 --> 01:06:58,160 ♪ You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy 1762 01:07:00,910 --> 01:07:05,530 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night... 1763 01:07:06,330 --> 01:07:08,170 Love Kiss! 1764 01:07:09,620 --> 01:07:11,170 Kiss, baby! 1765 01:07:11,170 --> 01:07:12,960 These guys are awesome! 1766 01:07:12,960 --> 01:07:15,540 Stephanie and I do karaoke to Kiss all the time. 1767 01:07:15,540 --> 01:07:17,710 Dude, I know, that's why I put it on! 1768 01:07:17,710 --> 01:07:19,600 And we do a pretty good job, too, 1769 01:07:19,600 --> 01:07:21,270 if I might say so. Oh, man. 1770 01:07:21,270 --> 01:07:23,130 That's cute. Yeah. 1771 01:07:23,890 --> 01:07:24,950 (SIGHS) 1772 01:07:24,940 --> 01:07:27,440 Listen, Laird, I've been thinking about 1773 01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:29,440 our teepee talk yesterday. 1774 01:07:29,440 --> 01:07:30,860 Oh, dude, me too. 1775 01:07:30,860 --> 01:07:33,030 I've got so many ideas for the proposal. 1776 01:07:33,030 --> 01:07:34,810 No. No. Ned, hear me out. 1777 01:07:34,810 --> 01:07:37,230 I was thinking about getting the Goodyear blimp, 1778 01:07:37,230 --> 01:07:38,650 releasing a thousand doves. 1779 01:07:38,650 --> 01:07:39,650 No. Wait. 1780 01:07:39,650 --> 01:07:41,150 Laird, just hold on a second, okay? 1781 01:07:41,150 --> 01:07:42,450 Slow down. Okay. 1782 01:07:42,450 --> 01:07:45,960 Look, I get it that Stephanie really likes you. 1783 01:07:46,320 --> 01:07:47,910 But... Uh-huh. 1784 01:07:47,910 --> 01:07:49,630 Look. Man to man. Yeah. 1785 01:07:49,630 --> 01:07:52,330 Now is not the time. 1786 01:07:52,330 --> 01:07:55,550 Dude, Ned, I thought we were getting past all that. 1787 01:07:55,830 --> 01:07:57,130 No, it's not me. 1788 01:07:57,140 --> 01:07:58,480 It's all about Stephanie. 1789 01:07:58,470 --> 01:07:59,470 Stephanie? Yes. 1790 01:07:59,470 --> 01:08:00,970 I don't know, dude. 1791 01:08:00,970 --> 01:08:04,060 These last few semesters are gonna be so intense. 1792 01:08:04,060 --> 01:08:05,560 And then there's graduation, 1793 01:08:05,560 --> 01:08:07,060 and she'll be looking for a job. 1794 01:08:07,060 --> 01:08:08,810 And who knows where that will take her. 1795 01:08:08,810 --> 01:08:10,400 It's just... All right, Ned... 1796 01:08:10,400 --> 01:08:11,900 I wasn't supposed to tell you this, 1797 01:08:11,900 --> 01:08:13,350 but I just wanna put your mind at ease. 1798 01:08:15,350 --> 01:08:17,910 Stephanie is not going back to school next semester. 1799 01:08:19,820 --> 01:08:20,940 What? 1800 01:08:20,940 --> 01:08:24,910 Dude, I know you're probably shocked, but do not worry. 1801 01:08:25,200 --> 01:08:26,750 She's already got this awesome job 1802 01:08:26,750 --> 01:08:28,780 lined up at this non-profit. 1803 01:08:28,780 --> 01:08:29,780 (STAMMERS) 1804 01:08:29,780 --> 01:08:33,250 What organization is that exactly? 1805 01:08:33,250 --> 01:08:36,790 She's going to be president of the Laird Mayhew Foundation. 1806 01:08:41,800 --> 01:08:43,300 That's me. 1807 01:08:45,020 --> 01:08:46,100 Stephanie! 1808 01:08:46,100 --> 01:08:47,550 Barb? 1809 01:08:47,550 --> 01:08:50,100 Everybody upstairs right now, family meeting! 1810 01:08:50,100 --> 01:08:51,810 JUSTINE: Ned, would you like me to schedule a meeting? 1811 01:08:51,810 --> 01:08:52,860 Oh, fuck off! 1812 01:08:52,860 --> 01:08:53,890 Just trying to help. 1813 01:08:54,390 --> 01:08:55,390 You don't always have to be such an asshole. 1814 01:08:55,390 --> 01:08:57,310 Yes, I do! 1815 01:08:57,310 --> 01:08:59,230 Dad. You are so dead. 1816 01:08:59,230 --> 01:09:02,150 Shut up. Of course I was going to tell you. 1817 01:09:02,150 --> 01:09:03,780 I told Mom yesterday at the mall. 1818 01:09:03,790 --> 01:09:05,750 I was just waiting for the right time to bring it up 1819 01:09:05,740 --> 01:09:07,070 and that hasn't happened. Wait a minute. 1820 01:09:07,070 --> 01:09:08,210 You knew? 1821 01:09:08,210 --> 01:09:12,290 Honestly, honey, we thought you might freak out. 1822 01:09:12,290 --> 01:09:14,550 So we decided to wait until 1823 01:09:14,550 --> 01:09:16,750 after Christmas to bring it up. 1824 01:09:16,750 --> 01:09:19,130 But, okay, he told you about the foundation, right? 1825 01:09:19,130 --> 01:09:20,970 Yes. Yes, okay. 1826 01:09:20,970 --> 01:09:22,050 This is a big part of why I wanted you 1827 01:09:22,550 --> 01:09:25,170 to come out here and meet Laird. 1828 01:09:25,170 --> 01:09:28,890 Stephanie, even if he wasn't this abject lunatic, 1829 01:09:28,890 --> 01:09:30,230 which he is, 1830 01:09:30,230 --> 01:09:33,060 I still wouldn't understand why. 1831 01:09:33,560 --> 01:09:35,070 You've only got a few semesters left 1832 01:09:35,070 --> 01:09:36,070 before you graduate. 1833 01:09:36,070 --> 01:09:38,240 Why would you just throw that away? 1834 01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:39,320 I'm not throwing anything away, Dad. 1835 01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:40,820 The year I spent in Central America 1836 01:09:40,820 --> 01:09:42,820 doing this kind of work, 1837 01:09:42,820 --> 01:09:46,330 I know you think that I'm making some rash decision 1838 01:09:46,330 --> 01:09:47,830 and I'm not. 1839 01:09:47,830 --> 01:09:50,110 We've spent months figuring it out. 1840 01:09:50,110 --> 01:09:51,450 All the months 1841 01:09:51,450 --> 01:09:53,950 where you didn't even tell us you had a boyfriend. 1842 01:09:53,950 --> 01:09:55,000 All those months? 1843 01:09:55,000 --> 01:09:56,590 Darling... 1844 01:09:56,590 --> 01:09:58,590 I think you should hear her out 1845 01:09:58,590 --> 01:10:00,960 because it actually sounds very interesting. 1846 01:10:00,960 --> 01:10:02,290 Does it? 1847 01:10:02,290 --> 01:10:04,300 STEPHANIE: Are you willing to listen to me? 1848 01:10:04,300 --> 01:10:05,930 Give it your best shot. 1849 01:10:05,930 --> 01:10:08,930 The plan is to focus on women's health 1850 01:10:08,930 --> 01:10:10,520 as a function of environmental change in the Third World. 1851 01:10:10,520 --> 01:10:11,520 Right. All right. 1852 01:10:11,520 --> 01:10:13,020 And when all that goes belly-up, 1853 01:10:13,020 --> 01:10:14,220 you know what you're left with? 1854 01:10:14,220 --> 01:10:16,390 What? Being a college dropout. 1855 01:10:16,390 --> 01:10:17,980 That's it. You don't get it. 1856 01:10:17,980 --> 01:10:19,280 Oh, I don't get it? 1857 01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:21,230 No, you just, like, don't get it at all. 1858 01:10:21,230 --> 01:10:22,650 Oh. What is that? 1859 01:10:24,200 --> 01:10:25,280 It's a tattoo. 1860 01:10:25,650 --> 01:10:26,730 With his name? You got a tattoo? 1861 01:10:27,240 --> 01:10:29,080 You've marked your body with his name on it. 1862 01:10:29,320 --> 01:10:30,400 Look at that, Barb! 1863 01:10:30,410 --> 01:10:31,920 Oh, no. 1864 01:10:31,910 --> 01:10:33,820 That is so cute. 1865 01:10:33,830 --> 01:10:35,250 SCOTTY: Let me see. I wanna see. 1866 01:10:35,240 --> 01:10:37,160 Laird's been telling me I should get a neck tat. 1867 01:10:37,160 --> 01:10:38,460 I see what Laird is doing here. 1868 01:10:38,460 --> 01:10:40,550 I see what he's doing. (CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY) 1869 01:10:40,550 --> 01:10:44,000 He is trying to put his imprint on this entire family. 1870 01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:47,220 And that is why we've got all these secrets now. 1871 01:10:47,720 --> 01:10:48,970 And it's all because of him! 1872 01:10:48,970 --> 01:10:50,840 Why do you have such a big problem with Laird? 1873 01:10:51,340 --> 01:10:52,980 Great question. You know why? Why? 1874 01:10:52,980 --> 01:10:55,010 Because of his influence, 1875 01:10:55,010 --> 01:10:56,510 you drop out of college. 1876 01:10:56,510 --> 01:10:58,980 Because of his influence, you get a "too." 1877 01:10:58,980 --> 01:11:00,270 Dad, I think you mean "tat." 1878 01:11:00,270 --> 01:11:01,150 You definitely mean "tat." 1879 01:11:01,150 --> 01:11:02,440 I mean "tat?" It's not a "too?" 1880 01:11:02,690 --> 01:11:03,770 "Tat." No, it's not a "too." No. 1881 01:11:03,770 --> 01:11:05,270 No, I saw it on Geraldo. 1882 01:11:05,270 --> 01:11:07,190 They call them "toos," okay? Okay. 1883 01:11:07,190 --> 01:11:09,580 This is what's going to be your downward spiral. 1884 01:11:09,580 --> 01:11:11,160 First you get a tattoo, 1885 01:11:11,160 --> 01:11:13,000 then you start vaporizing. 1886 01:11:13,000 --> 01:11:14,920 What? NED: You're vaporizing. 1887 01:11:14,920 --> 01:11:16,420 STEPHANIE: What are you talking about? 1888 01:11:16,420 --> 01:11:19,750 When you have... It's an e-cigarette. 1889 01:11:19,750 --> 01:11:22,340 But instead of tobacco or a fake tobacco, 1890 01:11:22,340 --> 01:11:24,340 no, you have marijuana in that e-cigarette. 1891 01:11:24,340 --> 01:11:25,430 Dad, I know what it is. Yeah. 1892 01:11:26,010 --> 01:11:27,430 How do you know what it is? 1893 01:11:27,430 --> 01:11:30,210 Because I've been around. Haven't I? 1894 01:11:30,520 --> 01:11:32,110 (STUTTERS) 1895 01:11:32,100 --> 01:11:33,100 Mm-hmm. 1896 01:11:33,100 --> 01:11:35,100 Then you go from there to heroin. 1897 01:11:35,100 --> 01:11:36,100 Mm-hmm, that's right. 1898 01:11:36,100 --> 01:11:38,520 After that, after you get hooked on drugs, 1899 01:11:38,520 --> 01:11:39,520 you know what happens next? 1900 01:11:39,520 --> 01:11:40,470 What? 1901 01:11:40,480 --> 01:11:41,700 You'll become a hooker, a prostitute... 1902 01:11:41,690 --> 01:11:43,060 a pimp's bitch. 1903 01:11:43,060 --> 01:11:44,650 That's what's going to happen to you. 1904 01:11:44,650 --> 01:11:46,110 I see it very clearly. 1905 01:11:46,110 --> 01:11:49,120 Oh, my... How long do I have? 1906 01:11:49,120 --> 01:11:51,120 I'm glad you asked. Not long. 1907 01:11:51,120 --> 01:11:54,070 You keep going down this path, at this rate, not long. 1908 01:11:54,070 --> 01:11:57,040 You're clearly not in a place to listen to me right now. 1909 01:11:57,040 --> 01:11:58,210 So I'm gonna go. 1910 01:11:58,210 --> 01:11:59,580 Thank you, Pops, for the guidance. 1911 01:11:59,580 --> 01:12:00,830 Thank you. You're welcome. 1912 01:12:36,500 --> 01:12:38,500 (BAD MOTHER F*ER PLAYING) 1913 01:12:46,710 --> 01:12:49,790 ♪ When the line froze, what did I see? 1914 01:12:49,790 --> 01:12:52,350 ♪ A bad mother fucker standing next to me 1915 01:12:52,350 --> 01:12:53,260 Boom! 1916 01:12:54,050 --> 01:12:55,470 (EXCLAIMING) 1917 01:12:57,470 --> 01:13:00,050 ♪ Be free like a bird so today I'ma fly 1918 01:13:00,050 --> 01:13:02,560 ♪ Bad, bad motherfucker 'til the day I die ♪ 1919 01:13:03,690 --> 01:13:05,610 Boss, let me get this straight. 1920 01:13:05,810 --> 01:13:06,890 You want me to hack into 1921 01:13:06,890 --> 01:13:08,900 Stephanie's boyfriend's computer 1922 01:13:08,900 --> 01:13:10,400 and find out if there's any record 1923 01:13:10,400 --> 01:13:12,150 of him starting a foundation? 1924 01:13:12,150 --> 01:13:13,450 Yes, I do. 1925 01:13:13,450 --> 01:13:15,450 Listen, Kevin, you are my IT guy. 1926 01:13:15,450 --> 01:13:16,740 I've got nowhere else to turn. 1927 01:13:16,740 --> 01:13:19,040 You know I've always thought so highly of Stephanie. 1928 01:13:19,040 --> 01:13:21,540 Yeah, she thinks a lot about you. 1929 01:13:21,540 --> 01:13:23,540 Really? Oh, yeah. 1930 01:13:23,540 --> 01:13:25,500 That's so crazy. Now, listen. 1931 01:13:25,500 --> 01:13:26,960 I know that this character has money, 1932 01:13:26,960 --> 01:13:28,970 but there's something about this whole foundation 1933 01:13:28,970 --> 01:13:30,380 that sounds like a bunch of hooey. 1934 01:13:30,380 --> 01:13:34,050 If this guy's running hooey, then I'm gonna find out. 1935 01:13:34,060 --> 01:13:35,400 Okay, first thing's first, Ned, 1936 01:13:35,390 --> 01:13:36,890 you have to break into his computer 1937 01:13:36,890 --> 01:13:39,890 and download a program that I'm gonna send you. 1938 01:13:39,890 --> 01:13:41,180 That's hacking? 1939 01:13:43,510 --> 01:13:45,850 I took a shower, washing every body part... 1940 01:13:47,520 --> 01:13:49,020 Yeah, okay. I'm getting online. 1941 01:13:50,020 --> 01:13:51,160 (KEVIN GRUNTS) 1942 01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:53,020 Kevin, what are you doing? Huh, baby? 1943 01:13:53,020 --> 01:13:55,530 Oh, I'm helping Ned with something IT-related. 1944 01:13:55,530 --> 01:13:56,860 Oh, tell Ned I said hi. 1945 01:13:56,860 --> 01:13:57,910 Okay. 1946 01:13:58,610 --> 01:14:00,080 KEVIN: All right, webcam's on. 1947 01:14:01,080 --> 01:14:02,580 (WHISPERS) Okay, I'm in the office. 1948 01:14:02,580 --> 01:14:05,000 All right, now get in front of the computer. 1949 01:14:05,000 --> 01:14:07,870 All right, good. Press the spacebar. 1950 01:14:09,120 --> 01:14:11,540 Oh, darn. It's asking for a password. 1951 01:14:11,540 --> 01:14:13,090 No surprise. 1952 01:14:13,090 --> 01:14:16,880 A lot of guys have passwords related to their girlfriends or their wives. 1953 01:14:16,880 --> 01:14:19,880 Kevin, you're a genius. That's what I have! 1954 01:14:19,880 --> 01:14:23,550 It's "Barbsguy1989." The year we were married. 1955 01:14:23,550 --> 01:14:26,310 The younger generation tends to go a little bit racier. 1956 01:14:26,310 --> 01:14:28,310 I'm gonna get into some sensitive areas here, 1957 01:14:28,310 --> 01:14:29,940 so just bear with me. 1958 01:14:29,940 --> 01:14:33,030 We need to focus on Stephanie's more defining qualities 1959 01:14:33,530 --> 01:14:35,030 that this guy might latch onto. 1960 01:14:35,030 --> 01:14:36,650 Do you understand what I'm saying? 1961 01:14:36,650 --> 01:14:38,240 Would you just get to it? 1962 01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:40,200 For example, like, would you say... 1963 01:14:40,710 --> 01:14:42,220 Stephanie has perky breasts? 1964 01:14:44,210 --> 01:14:45,490 What? Okay. 1965 01:14:45,490 --> 01:14:46,990 I would say yes, because she does. 1966 01:14:46,990 --> 01:14:49,880 Please try "Stephanie's boobs" one word, no caps. 1967 01:14:50,080 --> 01:14:51,170 I'm her dad! 1968 01:14:51,170 --> 01:14:53,000 I understand that you're her dad, 1969 01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:54,800 but you gotta think like him. 1970 01:14:54,800 --> 01:14:55,890 Okay? 1971 01:15:01,590 --> 01:15:02,810 No. 1972 01:15:02,810 --> 01:15:04,600 We're gonna have to kick it up a notch. 1973 01:15:04,600 --> 01:15:07,010 You said that this guy was edgy? 1974 01:15:07,010 --> 01:15:09,270 Please try "Stephanie's tight ass." 1975 01:15:09,270 --> 01:15:10,270 Give that a whirl. 1976 01:15:11,770 --> 01:15:13,600 Are you messing with me, Dingle? 1977 01:15:13,600 --> 01:15:15,490 I wish I was messing with you. 1978 01:15:15,990 --> 01:15:16,940 I'm trying to help you, Ned. 1979 01:15:16,940 --> 01:15:19,440 Make the two "S's" dollar signs in "ass." 1980 01:15:19,440 --> 01:15:20,860 God! 1981 01:15:20,860 --> 01:15:23,280 I am going straight to hell just for typing this. 1982 01:15:23,280 --> 01:15:25,030 Tight ass. 1983 01:15:26,450 --> 01:15:27,870 No. Hey, guys? 1984 01:15:28,120 --> 01:15:29,620 Do you wanna raise the volume on the movie? 1985 01:15:29,620 --> 01:15:31,340 GIRL: Okay. 1986 01:15:31,340 --> 01:15:33,840 Okay. I'm just gonna list some off, you type them in. 1987 01:15:33,840 --> 01:15:36,430 All right, try "Stephanie's sweet slit." 1988 01:15:36,430 --> 01:15:38,430 I am not writing that! 1989 01:15:38,930 --> 01:15:40,430 Okay, "Stephanie's pink canoe." 1990 01:15:40,430 --> 01:15:41,720 No! 1991 01:15:41,720 --> 01:15:42,880 Listen, this isn't fun for me. 1992 01:15:47,220 --> 01:15:48,690 Oh, my God. What is it? 1993 01:15:48,690 --> 01:15:50,140 It's the password! 1994 01:15:50,140 --> 01:15:52,360 The one piece of paper in the entire house. 1995 01:15:52,360 --> 01:15:53,780 What does it say? I'm gonna log it in. 1996 01:15:53,780 --> 01:15:55,860 "Stephanie's dude." 1997 01:15:57,150 --> 01:15:58,950 Aw, that's actually sweet. 1998 01:15:59,450 --> 01:16:00,400 "2016." 1999 01:16:00,400 --> 01:16:01,820 Boom! We're in. 2000 01:16:01,820 --> 01:16:02,900 Oh, gosh! 2001 01:16:02,900 --> 01:16:04,200 What? What is it? 2002 01:16:04,210 --> 01:16:06,380 It's a nude photograph of Stephanie. 2003 01:16:06,370 --> 01:16:07,960 May I see it, please? No. 2004 01:16:07,960 --> 01:16:09,290 May I please see it? 2005 01:16:09,290 --> 01:16:10,710 I said no! Okay. 2006 01:16:11,000 --> 01:16:12,810 Go to your EarthLink account in the web browser. 2007 01:16:12,800 --> 01:16:15,750 EarthLink, EarthLink, okay. Press. 2008 01:16:15,750 --> 01:16:17,580 I give it my password. 2009 01:16:17,590 --> 01:16:19,180 Okay. 2010 01:16:19,170 --> 01:16:20,640 Okay. I just emailed you a file. 2011 01:16:21,140 --> 01:16:23,640 Download that and open it on his desktop. 2012 01:16:23,640 --> 01:16:25,980 Ned, we're gonna fucking nail this guy! We're good! 2013 01:16:25,980 --> 01:16:27,430 We're hacking, baby! 2014 01:16:27,430 --> 01:16:28,810 We're gonna nail him. 2015 01:16:28,810 --> 01:16:31,180 We're gonna nail him the way he's been nailing Stephanie. 2016 01:16:31,180 --> 01:16:32,600 STEPHANIE: Just come with me right now. 2017 01:16:32,600 --> 01:16:33,520 LAIRD: What? 2018 01:16:33,520 --> 01:16:34,350 Why are you taking me to my office? 2019 01:16:34,350 --> 01:16:35,570 Everyone's downstairs. 2020 01:16:35,570 --> 01:16:37,600 Oh, shit! Someone's coming! Okay. Escape! 2021 01:16:37,610 --> 01:16:38,450 Oh, God! 2022 01:16:38,440 --> 01:16:39,820 LAIRD: Baby, what are we doing? 2023 01:16:39,820 --> 01:16:41,360 Christmas Eve is about to start. 2024 01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:43,190 What is the matter with you? What's happening? 2025 01:16:43,190 --> 01:16:44,830 I specifically told you... Don't say anything. 2026 01:16:44,830 --> 01:16:48,420 that I wanted to be the one to tell my dad about Stanford. 2027 01:16:48,420 --> 01:16:50,420 I know. We were just... Then why did you do it? 2028 01:16:50,420 --> 01:16:52,920 We were bonding so hard, it just sort of slipped out. 2029 01:16:52,920 --> 01:16:55,420 STEPHANIE: You clearly have no idea what this means to him. 2030 01:16:55,920 --> 01:16:58,380 He was so proud of me when I got into Stanford. 2031 01:16:58,380 --> 01:17:02,460 He worked so hard to make it happen. 2032 01:17:02,460 --> 01:17:05,970 Me dropping out is like a huge slap in his face. 2033 01:17:06,800 --> 01:17:08,190 Okay. 2034 01:17:08,190 --> 01:17:10,390 I just never had anyone like him in my life before. 2035 01:17:10,390 --> 01:17:12,470 Oh, my God! 2036 01:17:12,470 --> 01:17:14,470 I thought we could just talk it out. 2037 01:17:14,480 --> 01:17:17,290 You could see how that's not your place to do that, right? 2038 01:17:17,280 --> 01:17:18,610 LAIRD: Okay. Maybe not. 2039 01:17:18,610 --> 01:17:19,900 STEPHANIE: Definitely not. 2040 01:17:20,060 --> 01:17:22,070 Okay, you're right. He was super pissed. 2041 01:17:24,540 --> 01:17:26,550 Sometimes I feel like you're not capable 2042 01:17:26,540 --> 01:17:28,370 of being in a relationship. 2043 01:17:28,370 --> 01:17:30,460 It's time that you get a handle 2044 01:17:30,460 --> 01:17:32,460 (MOUTHING INDISTINCTLY) on these father issues. 2045 01:17:32,460 --> 01:17:33,830 LAIRD: Wow. 2046 01:17:33,830 --> 01:17:35,880 That's the truth. 2047 01:17:35,880 --> 01:17:38,380 When you call me on my shit... 2048 01:17:38,380 --> 01:17:42,340 My God! It makes me feel so close to you. 2049 01:17:42,340 --> 01:17:45,810 Your honesty has such an effect on me. 2050 01:17:46,810 --> 01:17:49,730 You're making me so fucking horny right now. 2051 01:17:49,730 --> 01:17:50,810 What? STEPHANIE: Yeah. 2052 01:17:50,810 --> 01:17:52,600 LAIRD: That face is boner-bait. 2053 01:17:52,600 --> 01:17:54,400 STEPHANIE: Can you not see that I'm mad at you? 2054 01:17:54,400 --> 01:17:56,070 LAIRD: Yeah, I see it. That's what's... 2055 01:17:56,070 --> 01:17:57,570 STEPHANIE: Oh, my God. You're driving me crazy! 2056 01:17:57,570 --> 01:17:59,570 You're not listening to me. 2057 01:18:00,570 --> 01:18:01,440 LAIRD: I'm listening. 2058 01:18:02,360 --> 01:18:03,660 I'm sorry. 2059 01:18:03,660 --> 01:18:04,740 Do you... 2060 01:18:06,240 --> 01:18:07,580 You need therapy. (MOANING) 2061 01:18:10,870 --> 01:18:12,380 Not working. No? 2062 01:18:12,370 --> 01:18:13,750 Mm-mm. Not today, buddy. 2063 01:18:13,750 --> 01:18:15,090 Okay. How about this? 2064 01:18:15,590 --> 01:18:16,920 Is this working? 2065 01:18:19,260 --> 01:18:20,260 A little bit. 2066 01:18:21,260 --> 01:18:22,210 Okay, how about this? 2067 01:18:23,680 --> 01:18:25,100 (MOANING) 2068 01:18:25,100 --> 01:18:28,520 Okay. That's working a little bit more. 2069 01:18:28,520 --> 01:18:30,350 STEPHANIE: Laird, I love you. 2070 01:18:30,630 --> 01:18:31,720 But I'm still mad at you. 2071 01:18:32,220 --> 01:18:33,190 I'm sorry. 2072 01:18:37,060 --> 01:18:37,770 (BOTH MOANING) 2073 01:18:42,810 --> 01:18:44,610 I'm so sorry. (MOUTHING) No, no! 2074 01:18:44,950 --> 01:18:46,030 Okay? 2075 01:18:46,030 --> 01:18:47,280 Yes! 2076 01:18:47,280 --> 01:18:48,400 No! 2077 01:18:51,620 --> 01:18:53,120 LAIRD: You... (WHIRRING) 2078 01:18:53,120 --> 01:18:54,910 I'm gonna make it up to you. What is happening? 2079 01:18:54,910 --> 01:18:57,210 You just lie back, and I'll give you an early Christmas present. 2080 01:18:57,660 --> 01:18:59,710 STEPHANIE: You are such a freak. (LAUGHS) 2081 01:18:59,710 --> 01:19:00,710 I know. 2082 01:19:04,800 --> 01:19:05,840 LAIRD: Here comes Santa. 2083 01:19:05,840 --> 01:19:06,840 STEPHANIE: Oh, really? 2084 01:19:06,840 --> 01:19:09,010 Ho, ho, ho. Oh, my God. 2085 01:19:09,010 --> 01:19:11,340 Merry Christmas. 2086 01:19:11,340 --> 01:19:14,180 Somebody's been naughty this year. 2087 01:19:16,760 --> 01:19:17,680 KEVIN: Boss? 2088 01:19:17,680 --> 01:19:20,150 Ned. Are you there? Hello? 2089 01:19:20,150 --> 01:19:21,150 Hello? Oh. 2090 01:19:21,150 --> 01:19:24,150 Yes. Kevin, I'm here. What's happening? 2091 01:19:24,150 --> 01:19:25,240 I'm in. 2092 01:19:25,240 --> 01:19:26,820 Do you have access to the Internet? 2093 01:19:26,820 --> 01:19:28,330 Yes, I do. Hold on. 2094 01:19:28,330 --> 01:19:29,410 Wait a second. 2095 01:19:29,910 --> 01:19:31,410 Log into your EarthLink account. 2096 01:19:32,410 --> 01:19:33,700 Okay. Got it. 2097 01:19:33,700 --> 01:19:36,670 I'm gonna send these to you right now. (LAUGHS) 2098 01:19:36,670 --> 01:19:39,000 Good. You're done, Mayhew. 2099 01:19:39,000 --> 01:19:39,950 (CAMERA CLICKS) 2100 01:19:39,950 --> 01:19:42,090 What the fuck? 2101 01:19:42,090 --> 01:19:43,840 What happened? Oh, my God. 2102 01:19:44,040 --> 01:19:45,130 Wait, what? What's going on? 2103 01:19:45,630 --> 01:19:47,590 I don't know. He has my face. 2104 01:19:47,590 --> 01:19:48,510 What do you mean he has your face? 2105 01:19:48,510 --> 01:19:49,930 I'm locked out. 2106 01:19:49,930 --> 01:19:51,300 I can't use my computer anymore. 2107 01:19:51,520 --> 01:19:52,600 What? Stop that! 2108 01:19:52,600 --> 01:19:53,930 What's happening? He's onto us, Ned. 2109 01:19:53,930 --> 01:19:55,140 What are you doing? 2110 01:19:55,140 --> 01:19:57,850 We have to abort. Oh, God. Oh, no. 2111 01:19:57,860 --> 01:20:01,200 ♪ Move back, motherfuckers Mayhew's here ♪ 2112 01:20:01,190 --> 01:20:02,230 Oh, fuck! 2113 01:20:02,230 --> 01:20:03,310 He's a mythical creature, Ned. 2114 01:20:03,310 --> 01:20:04,560 He's what? 2115 01:20:05,150 --> 01:20:08,060 What the fuck? Oh, God. 2116 01:20:08,070 --> 01:20:09,910 He's pulling out his penis! 2117 01:20:10,820 --> 01:20:12,290 Oh, my God. 2118 01:20:12,290 --> 01:20:14,240 He's balls deep in my digital butt. 2119 01:20:16,710 --> 01:20:18,210 MARNIE: Are you watching porn? 2120 01:20:18,210 --> 01:20:19,460 Turn that off! 2121 01:20:19,460 --> 01:20:20,740 KEVIN: Ned, he's doing it! 2122 01:20:21,330 --> 01:20:22,830 Marnie, it's not good! 2123 01:20:22,830 --> 01:20:24,710 Stay the fuck out! Turn that off! 2124 01:20:24,720 --> 01:20:25,730 Kevin! 2125 01:20:25,720 --> 01:20:27,000 Kevin! 2126 01:20:27,630 --> 01:20:28,220 (GASPS) 2127 01:20:30,420 --> 01:20:32,390 KEVIN: He has control of the house! 2128 01:20:32,390 --> 01:20:33,640 Come here! 2129 01:20:33,640 --> 01:20:35,230 Kevin, what is happening? We gotta get out of here! 2130 01:20:35,230 --> 01:20:36,510 Go, go, go! 2131 01:20:36,510 --> 01:20:37,590 What? MARNIE: Kevin! 2132 01:20:37,590 --> 01:20:39,100 Kevin! 2133 01:20:49,690 --> 01:20:51,690 Oh, my... 2134 01:20:53,580 --> 01:20:57,410 (CHOIR SINGING) ♪ Silent night 2135 01:20:57,920 --> 01:21:01,430 ♪ Holy night 2136 01:21:02,200 --> 01:21:05,510 ♪ All is calm 2137 01:21:07,010 --> 01:21:09,380 ♪ All is bright ♪ 2138 01:21:12,300 --> 01:21:13,300 Hi. Hey. 2139 01:21:13,300 --> 01:21:14,880 You know what? Let's not fight. 2140 01:21:14,880 --> 01:21:16,380 Okay. 2141 01:21:16,380 --> 01:21:18,720 I'm sorry, truly, that you found out about Stanford that way. 2142 01:21:18,720 --> 01:21:20,020 Thank you. 2143 01:21:20,020 --> 01:21:21,690 It was not okay of Laird, and he knows that now. 2144 01:21:21,690 --> 01:21:23,360 But I'm confident this is a really good idea. 2145 01:21:23,360 --> 01:21:24,860 Honey, before you continue, I need to tell you something. 2146 01:21:24,860 --> 01:21:27,310 Laird has been lying to you. 2147 01:21:28,310 --> 01:21:29,310 I tried. 2148 01:21:29,310 --> 01:21:30,810 No, no, no. Hey! It's unbelievable! 2149 01:21:30,810 --> 01:21:32,730 He is in serious financial trouble. 2150 01:21:32,730 --> 01:21:34,650 In what way? It's Christmas. 2151 01:21:34,650 --> 01:21:36,040 Ned, you're making a mistake. 2152 01:21:36,040 --> 01:21:38,490 He doesn't have enough money to finance his business, 2153 01:21:38,490 --> 01:21:40,120 let alone a foundation. 2154 01:21:40,120 --> 01:21:41,880 STEPHANIE: What exactly makes you think that? 2155 01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:42,960 Wait till you see this. 2156 01:21:43,460 --> 01:21:44,630 What's this? Here. 2157 01:21:44,630 --> 01:21:46,710 Look at this, his own bank records. 2158 01:21:46,710 --> 01:21:48,050 All in red. 2159 01:21:49,970 --> 01:21:51,500 Is this for real? 2160 01:21:51,500 --> 01:21:52,750 Yeah, it's true. 2161 01:21:52,750 --> 01:21:55,510 Guerrilla Gang hasn't crushed one in a couple of years. 2162 01:21:55,510 --> 01:21:57,220 So you lied to me? 2163 01:21:57,220 --> 01:21:58,590 I'm dropping out of school 2164 01:21:58,590 --> 01:22:00,680 to start a foundation that you're supposed to be financing. 2165 01:22:01,180 --> 01:22:02,260 Yeah. Yeah. 2166 01:22:02,260 --> 01:22:04,510 Baby, the foundation is all good. 2167 01:22:04,520 --> 01:22:06,360 What are you talking about? 2168 01:22:06,350 --> 01:22:09,650 Ned, there has been a very big misunderstanding. 2169 01:22:09,650 --> 01:22:12,990 These are only Laird's business holdings. 2170 01:22:12,990 --> 01:22:14,270 On the personal side... 2171 01:22:14,270 --> 01:22:15,280 I have put together a moderate, 2172 01:22:15,280 --> 01:22:17,190 conservative private equity sleeve 2173 01:22:17,190 --> 01:22:19,080 that has been performing delightfully. 2174 01:22:19,500 --> 01:22:20,910 You could say that again. Mm-hmm. 2175 01:22:20,910 --> 01:22:22,370 So you followed the Buffett rule? 2176 01:22:22,870 --> 01:22:24,030 (GUSTAV LAUGHS) Always, dude. 2177 01:22:24,030 --> 01:22:25,620 70/30, stocks to bonds. 2178 01:22:25,620 --> 01:22:26,950 Buffet. 2179 01:22:26,950 --> 01:22:28,000 Nice. 2180 01:22:28,010 --> 01:22:28,880 Your little hacker, Dingle... 2181 01:22:28,870 --> 01:22:30,290 Hacker? 2182 01:22:30,290 --> 01:22:31,880 ...was worming down the wrong hole. 2183 01:22:31,880 --> 01:22:34,710 Does he mean Kevin Dingle? LAIRD: Probably. 2184 01:22:34,710 --> 01:22:36,100 No, must be another Dingle. 2185 01:22:36,100 --> 01:22:38,720 Only dingle I know of is the berries on the butt. 2186 01:22:38,720 --> 01:22:40,470 Look, how much money do you have? 2187 01:22:40,470 --> 01:22:41,520 Babe, you don't have to answer this. 2188 01:22:41,520 --> 01:22:43,020 Yes, he does. 2189 01:22:43,020 --> 01:22:44,940 LAIRD: Fine! Full disclosure. 2190 01:22:44,940 --> 01:22:46,020 It's bad. 2191 01:22:47,020 --> 01:22:50,030 I'm down to my last 97 million. 2192 01:22:50,030 --> 01:22:52,030 GUSTAV: (CLEARS THROAT) Laird. 2193 01:22:53,530 --> 01:22:55,030 197 million. 2194 01:22:56,820 --> 01:22:57,950 Boom. 2195 01:22:57,950 --> 01:23:00,040 He's just barely scraping by. 2196 01:23:00,040 --> 01:23:01,570 All you had to do was ask me. 2197 01:23:01,570 --> 01:23:03,870 Gentlemen, I need Deck the Halls, allegro, now. 2198 01:23:03,870 --> 01:23:06,880 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 2199 01:23:06,880 --> 01:23:08,830 LAIRD: Ned, it's the holidays 2200 01:23:08,830 --> 01:23:10,410 and I think we should start over. 2201 01:23:11,920 --> 01:23:12,920 So this is for you. 2202 01:23:17,170 --> 01:23:18,090 What is it? 2203 01:23:18,090 --> 01:23:19,590 It's a little stocking stuffer. 2204 01:23:19,590 --> 01:23:20,590 I think you'll like it. 2205 01:23:22,180 --> 01:23:24,090 A phone? Press the button. 2206 01:23:26,430 --> 01:23:28,770 This is from my bank in Grand Rapids. 2207 01:23:28,770 --> 01:23:30,100 Merry Christmas. 2208 01:23:30,350 --> 01:23:31,430 STEPHANIE: Someone fill me in here. 2209 01:23:31,440 --> 01:23:32,530 LAIRD: Well, Steph... 2210 01:23:32,520 --> 01:23:34,940 I bought your father's company. 2211 01:23:35,820 --> 01:23:37,070 Sort of. 2212 01:23:37,070 --> 01:23:40,610 Ned, I purchased all your debt as a Christmas present. 2213 01:23:40,610 --> 01:23:42,330 What the fuck? 2214 01:23:42,330 --> 01:23:44,410 You son of a bitch. What? 2215 01:23:44,410 --> 01:23:47,500 Dude, I'm trying to be nice, so you can avoid bankruptcy. 2216 01:23:47,500 --> 01:23:48,500 Are you guys talking Chapter 11? 2217 01:23:49,000 --> 01:23:50,340 I don't even wanna hear that term. 2218 01:23:50,340 --> 01:23:52,840 Okay, gentlemen, I need Jingle Bells, and step on it! 2219 01:23:52,840 --> 01:23:56,260 I can't believe that you didn't tell us about this. 2220 01:23:56,260 --> 01:23:58,680 What? No, it's just... 2221 01:23:58,680 --> 01:24:01,180 The business has been running a little rough lately. 2222 01:24:01,180 --> 01:24:03,100 I'm already working on a new deal right now. 2223 01:24:03,100 --> 01:24:05,190 So you had no idea? No. 2224 01:24:05,190 --> 01:24:06,550 How the hell did you know about this? 2225 01:24:06,550 --> 01:24:08,610 It was Justine. Oh. 2226 01:24:08,610 --> 01:24:10,220 JUSTINE: Yeah, it was me. 2227 01:24:10,810 --> 01:24:12,640 She played me back a little bit of a conversation you had the other day... 2228 01:24:13,140 --> 01:24:14,140 with a guy named Lou. 2229 01:24:14,730 --> 01:24:16,610 Of course, I had to help. 2230 01:24:16,610 --> 01:24:18,230 JUSTINE: Ned, I'm sorry if I overstepped. 2231 01:24:18,450 --> 01:24:19,530 Yep. 2232 01:24:19,530 --> 01:24:21,530 But I was really, really worried about you. 2233 01:24:21,540 --> 01:24:23,330 LAIRD: She was. No clowning. 2234 01:24:23,320 --> 01:24:25,120 And just so you don't stress, 2235 01:24:25,120 --> 01:24:27,620 you're still gonna be the Big Cheese, dude. 2236 01:24:27,620 --> 01:24:29,460 I plan on being a very hands-off owner. 2237 01:24:30,290 --> 01:24:32,880 So what do you say, partner? 2238 01:24:34,000 --> 01:24:35,470 (GROANS) (EXCLAIMING) 2239 01:24:35,470 --> 01:24:37,000 Ned, what are you... LAIRD: What the fuck? 2240 01:24:37,580 --> 01:24:39,220 Why would you do that, Dad? 2241 01:24:39,500 --> 01:24:40,590 Dad! 2242 01:24:40,590 --> 01:24:42,090 Fuck you, paper man! 2243 01:24:42,090 --> 01:24:43,340 (EXCLAIMING) 2244 01:24:43,340 --> 01:24:45,090 Oh, scheisse. 2245 01:24:45,090 --> 01:24:46,060 Ned, I'm sorry, bro. 2246 01:24:46,060 --> 01:24:47,840 Are you okay? Oh, man. (COUGHING) 2247 01:24:47,840 --> 01:24:49,180 My training, it just takes over. 2248 01:24:49,180 --> 01:24:51,900 Everybody is feeling a lot of tension. 2249 01:24:51,900 --> 01:24:53,820 Calm down. Dad! 2250 01:24:53,820 --> 01:24:56,100 Or we can hit people square in the face with an iPad. 2251 01:24:58,070 --> 01:25:00,020 Disengage. Disengage and run! 2252 01:25:00,240 --> 01:25:01,610 (BARB EXCLAIMING) 2253 01:25:03,580 --> 01:25:05,330 Dude, that was kind of cool. You gotta be honest. 2254 01:25:05,330 --> 01:25:07,110 Ned, I love you. I was just trying to help. 2255 01:25:07,360 --> 01:25:08,780 (YELLING) (SCREAMING IN PAIN) 2256 01:25:08,780 --> 01:25:09,670 Ooh! 2257 01:25:11,370 --> 01:25:12,420 Laird, disengage him! 2258 01:25:12,420 --> 01:25:13,950 Ned, let go of his balls! 2259 01:25:17,340 --> 01:25:19,510 Laird! Evasive parkour! 2260 01:25:19,510 --> 01:25:20,760 Laird, get away! 2261 01:25:20,760 --> 01:25:22,430 Evasive parkour! Do the wall pop! 2262 01:25:23,350 --> 01:25:24,260 Wall pop! 2263 01:25:27,930 --> 01:25:29,690 Goose! Did you see that? 2264 01:25:29,690 --> 01:25:32,560 That's right! Because you finally engaged your core! 2265 01:25:32,560 --> 01:25:34,520 Get down here! 2266 01:25:34,520 --> 01:25:36,360 GUSTAV: You see the difference of the feeling? How it feels differently? 2267 01:25:36,360 --> 01:25:37,730 I know! 2268 01:25:38,450 --> 01:25:39,990 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 2269 01:25:40,560 --> 01:25:41,730 Don't breathe in. I'll save you, brother! 2270 01:25:41,730 --> 01:25:42,700 GUSTAV: Scotty, no! Scotty! 2271 01:25:42,700 --> 01:25:43,570 BARB: No, honey! 2272 01:25:44,570 --> 01:25:45,870 I'm here to save you, Laird! 2273 01:25:50,460 --> 01:25:51,540 Scotty, watch out! 2274 01:25:54,240 --> 01:25:55,550 (SCREAMING) 2275 01:25:59,720 --> 01:26:01,840 Laird! You okay? 2276 01:26:02,840 --> 01:26:04,050 Yeah! (LAUGHS) 2277 01:26:04,050 --> 01:26:05,640 Fantastic! You're okay. 2278 01:26:05,640 --> 01:26:07,590 You're okay. Wait. Where's Scotty? 2279 01:26:07,590 --> 01:26:09,260 BARB: Scotty! Oh, my God. 2280 01:26:09,260 --> 01:26:11,430 Scotty! He's under the moose! 2281 01:26:11,430 --> 01:26:12,980 (STEPHANIE AND BARB SCREAM) He's under the moose! 2282 01:26:12,980 --> 01:26:14,310 Scotty! 2283 01:26:14,310 --> 01:26:15,900 (GRUNTING) 2284 01:26:15,900 --> 01:26:17,480 Oh, shit. 2285 01:26:17,480 --> 01:26:19,820 These fucking moose balls are in my mouth. 2286 01:26:19,820 --> 01:26:22,020 Oh, shit, he's teabagging you, bro! 2287 01:26:22,020 --> 01:26:23,110 I got you. 2288 01:26:24,270 --> 01:26:25,860 (YELLING) 2289 01:26:28,780 --> 01:26:31,030 Come here. Come here. 2290 01:26:31,030 --> 01:26:32,950 Oh, my God. It's okay. 2291 01:26:32,950 --> 01:26:33,870 It's okay. 2292 01:26:37,500 --> 01:26:40,010 Honey, I'm so sorry it turned out this way. 2293 01:26:40,010 --> 01:26:41,510 Me, too. 2294 01:26:41,510 --> 01:26:43,010 I'll call you when I get home. 2295 01:26:43,010 --> 01:26:45,510 Okay. Good luck with Scotty. 2296 01:26:46,010 --> 01:26:47,460 Thank you. I'll need it. Yeah. 2297 01:26:49,520 --> 01:26:51,970 Steph, listen. I never... 2298 01:26:51,970 --> 01:26:54,300 I'm done listening. Have a safe flight. 2299 01:26:57,690 --> 01:26:59,690 See you, sis. Bye, Scotty. 2300 01:27:01,700 --> 01:27:03,710 Can't believe I have to go back to toilet paper. 2301 01:27:06,200 --> 01:27:08,700 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 2302 01:27:10,790 --> 01:27:13,290 Hey, Don Millis. Merry Christmas, sir. 2303 01:27:13,290 --> 01:27:15,490 You too, Ned. Look, I hate to call on Christmas. 2304 01:27:15,490 --> 01:27:17,080 Oh, don't worry about that. 2305 01:27:17,080 --> 01:27:19,080 It was great catching up yesterday 2306 01:27:19,080 --> 01:27:21,580 and I wanted to ring you as soon as we made a decision. 2307 01:27:21,580 --> 01:27:22,580 Okay. 2308 01:27:22,580 --> 01:27:24,580 I talked with the group here about your proposal 2309 01:27:24,580 --> 01:27:26,090 and we just can't go for it. 2310 01:27:26,090 --> 01:27:28,090 I'm sorry, pal. 2311 01:27:28,090 --> 01:27:30,590 We really appreciate you offering us such a sweetheart deal. 2312 01:27:30,590 --> 01:27:33,090 But fact is we're just not doing a whole lot of printing these days. 2313 01:27:33,090 --> 01:27:34,590 You know how it is. Yes. 2314 01:27:34,590 --> 01:27:35,600 It's a whole new world, right? 2315 01:27:35,600 --> 01:27:36,600 Yes. 2316 01:27:37,600 --> 01:27:39,100 Sure is. 2317 01:27:39,100 --> 01:27:40,600 I sure wish we could've done business, Cheese. 2318 01:27:40,600 --> 01:27:42,100 All right, listen, um, 2319 01:27:42,100 --> 01:27:44,600 if you're sure I can't change your mind there, Don. 2320 01:27:44,600 --> 01:27:46,110 Yeah, unfortunately not. 2321 01:27:46,110 --> 01:27:49,110 Okay. All right. 2322 01:27:49,110 --> 01:27:51,080 You have a happy holidays. You, too, Ned! 2323 01:27:51,080 --> 01:27:52,610 Best to Barb and the kids. 2324 01:27:55,580 --> 01:27:57,530 JUSTINE: Excuse me, Ned? 2325 01:27:57,530 --> 01:28:00,290 I'm sorry to bother you, but your flight leaves in an hour. 2326 01:28:03,090 --> 01:28:06,760 ♪ Must seem strange to you, my friend 2327 01:28:06,760 --> 01:28:08,260 JUSTINE: I'll miss you. 2328 01:28:08,260 --> 01:28:12,270 ♪ Some things are always heaven sent 2329 01:28:12,270 --> 01:28:16,270 ♪ The more you want, the harder it gets 2330 01:28:16,770 --> 01:28:20,770 ♪ The more you let go, the more you get 2331 01:28:20,770 --> 01:28:22,230 ♪ It's a crazy... 2332 01:28:28,230 --> 01:28:30,730 ♪ ...beautiful life 2333 01:28:30,730 --> 01:28:34,740 ♪ Some things make sense and you don't know what 2334 01:28:34,740 --> 01:28:39,080 ♪ It's a crazy beautiful life ♪ 2335 01:28:40,790 --> 01:28:42,300 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 2336 01:28:46,420 --> 01:28:48,550 Welcome home, Flemings! 2337 01:28:48,550 --> 01:28:49,550 Lou, what... 2338 01:28:49,550 --> 01:28:50,920 You guys must be freezing. 2339 01:28:50,920 --> 01:28:53,010 Come on, get in here. Let me get that. Come on, Cheese. 2340 01:28:53,010 --> 01:28:54,670 Lou, what's going on? Barbara, hey. 2341 01:28:54,670 --> 01:28:55,760 Hi. 2342 01:28:55,760 --> 01:28:56,760 Barb, you look great. JERRY: There they are! 2343 01:28:56,760 --> 01:28:59,430 ALL: Merry Christmas! 2344 01:29:01,600 --> 01:29:03,150 Wow! 2345 01:29:03,150 --> 01:29:06,820 Um, Lou, I texted you that I needed to talk to you. 2346 01:29:06,820 --> 01:29:07,770 I mean, what's... 2347 01:29:08,190 --> 01:29:10,270 Come on, you hear this guy? 2348 01:29:10,270 --> 01:29:11,770 Hank Rouse from First National 2349 01:29:11,780 --> 01:29:14,290 shot me a congratulatory voicemail this morning 2350 01:29:14,280 --> 01:29:15,780 about the Mayhew deal. 2351 01:29:15,780 --> 01:29:17,080 You did it, Big Cheese! 2352 01:29:18,580 --> 01:29:20,080 You pulled off the Christmas miracle. 2353 01:29:20,080 --> 01:29:21,920 (CHEERING) 2354 01:29:21,920 --> 01:29:23,920 Cheese, Cheese, Cheese! Cheese, Cheese, Cheese! 2355 01:29:24,340 --> 01:29:25,420 Barb! 2356 01:29:26,460 --> 01:29:27,460 Scotty. 2357 01:29:27,460 --> 01:29:30,290 Ned, as a little token of our appreciation, 2358 01:29:30,510 --> 01:29:33,010 we all chipped in and bought you something 2359 01:29:33,010 --> 01:29:35,600 that we're pretty sure you don't own. 2360 01:29:35,600 --> 01:29:36,970 (ALL LAUGH) 2361 01:29:38,050 --> 01:29:39,850 You shouldn't have. 2362 01:29:40,050 --> 01:29:41,640 Open it. Yeah. 2363 01:29:42,310 --> 01:29:43,390 Yeah, right there. 2364 01:29:43,390 --> 01:29:44,390 (LOU LAUGHS) 2365 01:29:44,390 --> 01:29:46,810 It's an iPad. (CHEERING) 2366 01:29:47,940 --> 01:29:49,310 Hit the home button right there. 2367 01:29:49,310 --> 01:29:50,530 Yeah. 2368 01:29:51,620 --> 01:29:53,790 JERRY: We had a little fun with that down in Graphics. 2369 01:29:53,780 --> 01:29:56,120 I got the images off Scotty's Facebook page. 2370 01:29:56,120 --> 01:29:57,700 (JERRY LAUGHING) 2371 01:29:57,700 --> 01:29:59,710 He looks like a stand-up guy. 2372 01:29:59,710 --> 01:30:01,710 Like a younger version of you, Ned. 2373 01:30:02,210 --> 01:30:03,210 MAN: Make a speech! 2374 01:30:03,580 --> 01:30:04,990 JERRY: Speech! Oh, yes, speech! 2375 01:30:05,000 --> 01:30:06,390 Speech, speech, speech. 2376 01:30:09,670 --> 01:30:11,580 (CHOPPER APPROACHING) 2377 01:30:11,890 --> 01:30:12,930 The heck is that? 2378 01:30:17,260 --> 01:30:19,340 STEPHANIE: Laird, a jet and a helicopter? Where are we? 2379 01:30:19,840 --> 01:30:21,260 LAIRD: Hang on, babe. Almost there. 2380 01:30:33,020 --> 01:30:34,320 One second. Mayhew! 2381 01:30:34,520 --> 01:30:35,610 Guys, stay here for a minute. 2382 01:30:35,610 --> 01:30:36,490 Honey, go inside and get a jacket. 2383 01:30:36,740 --> 01:30:37,830 That's Mayhew. Is that the guy? 2384 01:30:37,830 --> 01:30:38,830 Laird! 2385 01:30:38,830 --> 01:30:40,250 Where are we? 2386 01:30:40,250 --> 01:30:41,330 That looks weird. 2387 01:30:41,330 --> 01:30:42,780 It's kind of Fifty Shades of Grey -ish. 2388 01:30:42,780 --> 01:30:44,870 Cold? Yeah. 2389 01:30:47,040 --> 01:30:49,590 And here we go. 2390 01:30:51,170 --> 01:30:52,680 Surprise! 2391 01:30:53,260 --> 01:30:54,710 (LAIRD CHUCKLES) Hi, honey. 2392 01:30:55,800 --> 01:30:57,300 Ta-da. 2393 01:30:59,800 --> 01:31:01,180 You brought me home? Yeah. 2394 01:31:01,470 --> 01:31:03,050 Without telling me? 2395 01:31:03,050 --> 01:31:06,720 I realize I violated the sanctity of mystery date 2396 01:31:06,720 --> 01:31:09,610 but I just thought the family should all be together today. 2397 01:31:09,610 --> 01:31:11,560 Okay, that wasn't your place to do that, hon. 2398 01:31:11,560 --> 01:31:13,560 Steph, I know, 2399 01:31:13,560 --> 01:31:15,230 but it is Christmas. 2400 01:31:15,230 --> 01:31:16,320 And we're glad to see you. 2401 01:31:16,320 --> 01:31:17,320 This isn't what she wanted. 2402 01:31:17,320 --> 01:31:18,650 No, it's not. 2403 01:31:18,650 --> 01:31:20,240 What I wanted was for us to spend 2404 01:31:20,240 --> 01:31:21,740 Christmas in California together 2405 01:31:21,740 --> 01:31:24,460 like I planned, before everything went to shit 2406 01:31:24,460 --> 01:31:26,380 because you made it all about yourself. 2407 01:31:27,460 --> 01:31:28,460 Mm-hmm. 2408 01:31:28,960 --> 01:31:30,550 You both did. 2409 01:31:30,550 --> 01:31:31,830 I did? Yes! 2410 01:31:31,830 --> 01:31:35,080 You idiots think you can pass me back and forth 2411 01:31:35,090 --> 01:31:36,680 like I'm your property or something? 2412 01:31:36,670 --> 01:31:37,970 I'm done. 2413 01:31:37,970 --> 01:31:39,590 This is the worst Christmas ever. 2414 01:31:39,590 --> 01:31:41,170 Steph. Steph. Honey. 2415 01:31:46,150 --> 01:31:47,600 I think she's pissed. 2416 01:31:50,180 --> 01:31:52,190 Yeah, she's pissed. 2417 01:31:52,190 --> 01:31:53,990 Shit! 2418 01:31:53,990 --> 01:31:57,770 I just thought that you guys should be together today. 2419 01:31:58,860 --> 01:32:01,410 All right. Well, I'll leave you to it. 2420 01:32:02,000 --> 01:32:03,510 Happy holidays, Ned. 2421 01:32:03,500 --> 01:32:05,000 You too, Laird. 2422 01:32:12,420 --> 01:32:13,920 Uh, Laird. 2423 01:32:13,920 --> 01:32:15,930 You're doing a "I'm gonna walk away slowly 2424 01:32:15,930 --> 01:32:17,460 "'cause I really don't wanna leave" walk. 2425 01:32:19,550 --> 01:32:21,260 Maybe. 2426 01:32:21,260 --> 01:32:22,630 Come here. 2427 01:32:23,720 --> 01:32:24,720 Come here. 2428 01:32:25,220 --> 01:32:26,800 So what happened? You didn't propose? 2429 01:32:27,190 --> 01:32:28,270 How could I? 2430 01:32:28,270 --> 01:32:29,270 I never got your permission 2431 01:32:29,770 --> 01:32:31,470 and we pinky-swore I wouldn't ask without it. 2432 01:32:33,560 --> 01:32:36,480 You are remarkable. 2433 01:32:36,480 --> 01:32:39,950 You don't have a gear to be dishonest, do you? 2434 01:32:40,530 --> 01:32:42,120 Guess not, dude. 2435 01:32:43,700 --> 01:32:44,700 (SIGHS) 2436 01:32:44,700 --> 01:32:46,710 Laird, you never needed my permission 2437 01:32:46,710 --> 01:32:48,240 to ask Stephanie to marry you. 2438 01:32:49,830 --> 01:32:52,080 But if it still means anything to you, 2439 01:32:53,160 --> 01:32:54,630 you have my blessing. 2440 01:32:57,220 --> 01:32:58,420 For reals? 2441 01:32:59,000 --> 01:32:59,970 No clowning. 2442 01:33:01,550 --> 01:33:02,590 Whoa. 2443 01:33:04,170 --> 01:33:06,760 But, Laird, Stephanie's right. 2444 01:33:06,760 --> 01:33:08,810 It's up to her. It's always been up to her. 2445 01:33:09,350 --> 01:33:10,350 Not us. 2446 01:33:11,430 --> 01:33:13,930 It just took me a while to realize that. 2447 01:33:15,440 --> 01:33:16,780 It's so true. 2448 01:33:17,350 --> 01:33:19,190 Dude, we were such jerks. 2449 01:33:19,190 --> 01:33:20,770 Yeah. 2450 01:33:20,770 --> 01:33:21,940 I bit your dick. 2451 01:33:23,030 --> 01:33:24,690 Shaft and balls. Oh. 2452 01:33:26,200 --> 01:33:28,330 I'm sorry. 2453 01:33:28,330 --> 01:33:29,830 I'm sorry, too, dude. 2454 01:33:29,830 --> 01:33:33,420 Look, Laird, if you wanna ask Stephanie to marry you 2455 01:33:33,420 --> 01:33:35,450 when the time is right, just do it. 2456 01:33:37,040 --> 01:33:39,090 Okay. Is it cool if I do it right now? 2457 01:33:39,090 --> 01:33:41,430 Because, uh, just in case it worked out 2458 01:33:41,630 --> 01:33:44,710 I had Goose put a shit ton of doves in the helicopter 2459 01:33:44,710 --> 01:33:46,220 and I have a couple other surprises. 2460 01:33:46,220 --> 01:33:49,050 Laird, this is totally your call. 2461 01:33:49,050 --> 01:33:51,640 But can I give you some advice? 2462 01:33:51,640 --> 01:33:52,640 Dude, please. 2463 01:33:52,640 --> 01:33:53,640 I'm so fucking nervous right now. 2464 01:33:53,640 --> 01:33:55,270 All right, look... 2465 01:33:55,280 --> 01:33:58,290 Stephanie doesn't care about all the bells and whistles. 2466 01:33:58,280 --> 01:33:59,780 You know her. 2467 01:34:00,280 --> 01:34:01,700 She cares about you. 2468 01:34:01,700 --> 01:34:02,780 She loves you. 2469 01:34:04,480 --> 01:34:06,990 So you get down on one knee 2470 01:34:06,990 --> 01:34:09,490 and you speak to her from your heart. 2471 01:34:10,490 --> 01:34:12,290 That's what you're best at. 2472 01:34:13,910 --> 01:34:17,000 Isn't that right, Justine? (CHUCKLES) 2473 01:34:17,000 --> 01:34:18,500 JUSTINE: Totally agree. 2474 01:34:19,000 --> 01:34:20,580 Holy shit. 2475 01:34:20,580 --> 01:34:23,300 My first time in Michigan. It's cold as balls here. 2476 01:34:24,390 --> 01:34:25,390 Yeah. 2477 01:34:25,390 --> 01:34:27,840 Dude, that's fucking great! 2478 01:34:28,420 --> 01:34:29,930 Do it Ned Fleming style. 2479 01:34:29,930 --> 01:34:31,510 Old school! 2480 01:34:31,510 --> 01:34:32,510 Fuck yes. 2481 01:34:35,010 --> 01:34:36,520 Okay. Well, look... 2482 01:34:36,520 --> 01:34:38,520 I'll go in there and see if I can get her to come out. 2483 01:34:38,520 --> 01:34:40,020 Okay. 2484 01:34:40,020 --> 01:34:41,520 Good luck. Thanks. 2485 01:34:44,990 --> 01:34:46,990 Hey, promise me one thing. 2486 01:34:47,990 --> 01:34:50,030 You will treat her well. 2487 01:34:51,610 --> 01:34:54,620 Dude, I'm gonna treat her like a motherfucking queen. 2488 01:34:56,450 --> 01:34:57,420 I'll take that. 2489 01:34:57,420 --> 01:34:58,750 Okay. 2490 01:35:00,340 --> 01:35:02,930 Gustav, change of plans. 2491 01:35:02,930 --> 01:35:05,430 We're go on the proposal. No go on all that other shit. 2492 01:35:05,430 --> 01:35:06,850 I have only one bar. 2493 01:35:06,850 --> 01:35:08,130 You're saying we are a go, yes? 2494 01:35:08,380 --> 01:35:10,100 No. No go. 2495 01:35:10,100 --> 01:35:12,180 Go on the proposal, no go on the shit. 2496 01:35:12,190 --> 01:35:14,200 Laird, are you saying it's a no go 2497 01:35:14,190 --> 01:35:16,190 or are you saying, "No. Go."? 2498 01:35:16,690 --> 01:35:17,770 God damn it, Goose. 2499 01:35:17,770 --> 01:35:19,360 You're making me fucking nervous. Just shut up. 2500 01:35:19,360 --> 01:35:21,440 Oh, I'm sorry. Good luck. 2501 01:35:21,440 --> 01:35:23,810 Oh, and by the way, please, Laird, breathe. 2502 01:35:23,810 --> 01:35:26,400 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 2503 01:35:26,400 --> 01:35:27,730 Okay. 2504 01:35:27,730 --> 01:35:29,820 And no cursing, okay? 2505 01:35:29,820 --> 01:35:31,570 Fuck, you're right. Good call. 2506 01:35:33,370 --> 01:35:34,870 Hi. 2507 01:35:37,540 --> 01:35:39,660 I'm sorry. 2508 01:35:39,660 --> 01:35:43,330 I know that out in California I disappointed you 2509 01:35:43,330 --> 01:35:45,300 and that kills me. 2510 01:35:45,300 --> 01:35:46,890 And I'm really sorry. 2511 01:35:50,390 --> 01:35:51,560 I'm sorry, too. 2512 01:35:53,590 --> 01:35:54,680 I threw you in the deep end out there. 2513 01:35:54,680 --> 01:35:56,230 I should've never asked you to come. 2514 01:35:56,230 --> 01:35:57,310 Honestly. No. 2515 01:35:57,310 --> 01:35:59,320 No, you didn't do anything wrong. 2516 01:35:59,320 --> 01:36:00,320 What was I thinking? 2517 01:36:00,320 --> 01:36:02,650 It was me. 2518 01:36:02,650 --> 01:36:05,150 It's just that, when we got out to Laird's... 2519 01:36:06,490 --> 01:36:09,070 I just didn't feel like I knew you anymore 2520 01:36:10,080 --> 01:36:12,080 and I got scared. 2521 01:36:13,580 --> 01:36:15,410 I just went crazy. 2522 01:36:18,000 --> 01:36:19,420 This is me. 2523 01:36:22,010 --> 01:36:23,350 I'm doing good. 2524 01:36:24,920 --> 01:36:26,430 Oh, Dad. 2525 01:36:32,220 --> 01:36:33,690 Oh, my God. 2526 01:36:33,680 --> 01:36:35,220 Okay, look. I forgot... 2527 01:36:35,220 --> 01:36:36,300 STEPHANIE: Oh, God. He's still out there. 2528 01:36:36,300 --> 01:36:37,300 NED: I know. 2529 01:36:37,300 --> 01:36:38,800 STEPHANIE: In a tank top and a scarf. 2530 01:36:38,810 --> 01:36:39,820 And he knew we were coming to Michigan. 2531 01:36:39,810 --> 01:36:41,190 NED: Yeah. 2532 01:36:41,190 --> 01:36:42,270 Why doesn't he just come inside? 2533 01:36:42,280 --> 01:36:43,700 He has to talk to you about something... 2534 01:36:43,690 --> 01:36:46,360 He kind of wants to make things right with you. 2535 01:36:46,360 --> 01:36:47,950 Oh, does he? Yeah. 2536 01:36:47,950 --> 01:36:51,030 I think it'd be cool if you gave him a chance. 2537 01:36:53,040 --> 01:36:55,570 You want me to give Laird a chance? 2538 01:36:55,570 --> 01:36:59,660 I thought that if you saw fit to give him a chance... 2539 01:36:59,660 --> 01:37:02,160 I thought that it'd be cool. 2540 01:37:03,550 --> 01:37:04,550 (LAUGHS) 2541 01:37:04,550 --> 01:37:05,710 That's all. Well? 2542 01:37:05,720 --> 01:37:07,310 Hi. Hey. 2543 01:37:07,300 --> 01:37:09,800 What's going on? Oh, my God, it's cold out here. 2544 01:37:09,800 --> 01:37:11,800 I know you're pissed, but just hear me out. 2545 01:37:11,800 --> 01:37:13,420 Can we talk inside? No. 2546 01:37:13,420 --> 01:37:14,510 Oh, my... Look. 2547 01:37:14,510 --> 01:37:17,310 Oh, my God. It's so romantic. 2548 01:37:17,310 --> 01:37:18,840 I told him to keep it simple. 2549 01:37:18,850 --> 01:37:20,240 BARB: Oh, our little girl. 2550 01:37:20,230 --> 01:37:22,350 He's gonna get down to his knee and keep it real simple. 2551 01:37:22,350 --> 01:37:23,770 How do you know all this? 2552 01:37:23,770 --> 01:37:25,230 I gave him a few pointers. 2553 01:37:25,230 --> 01:37:27,570 Oh. 2554 01:37:27,570 --> 01:37:29,410 This has been the happiest year of my life. 2555 01:37:31,270 --> 01:37:34,490 And fly! Go, go, go! Go! 2556 01:37:36,080 --> 01:37:38,160 Oh, no. What? 2557 01:37:38,750 --> 01:37:40,170 (DOVES COOING) 2558 01:37:40,500 --> 01:37:41,580 Ah. 2559 01:37:42,700 --> 01:37:44,840 (GASPS) Oh, my God. 2560 01:37:44,840 --> 01:37:47,210 Goose. God damn it. I said no go! No go! 2561 01:37:47,210 --> 01:37:48,290 NED: Oh, my... 2562 01:37:48,290 --> 01:37:49,460 BARB: Oh, gosh. Wow. 2563 01:37:49,460 --> 01:37:50,460 Why did he do that? Smart boy. 2564 01:37:50,460 --> 01:37:52,550 Absolute fucking shit fest. 2565 01:37:53,600 --> 01:37:55,180 Babe, I'm so sorry. Uh... 2566 01:37:58,550 --> 01:38:00,690 Stephanie Fleming... 2567 01:38:00,690 --> 01:38:02,190 will you... Are you proposing? 2568 01:38:02,190 --> 01:38:03,940 Yeah. 2569 01:38:03,940 --> 01:38:06,030 Mmm-hmm. (CHUCKLES) 2570 01:38:06,030 --> 01:38:07,810 Did my dad know about this? 2571 01:38:07,810 --> 01:38:09,310 Yeah, I asked for his blessing 2572 01:38:09,810 --> 01:38:11,150 that first morning back in Cali. 2573 01:38:11,150 --> 01:38:13,730 Oh, my God. (LAUGHS) 2574 01:38:13,730 --> 01:38:14,730 Oh, my God! 2575 01:38:14,730 --> 01:38:17,490 No wonder he acted so crazy. Honey. 2576 01:38:17,490 --> 01:38:19,570 Yeah, that's why he was a little out of whack. 2577 01:38:19,570 --> 01:38:21,820 Yeah, we could have had a really nice holiday. 2578 01:38:21,820 --> 01:38:24,630 I know. But we're all good now. Okay? 2579 01:38:24,630 --> 01:38:26,910 This is a lot. 2580 01:38:28,000 --> 01:38:30,000 Oh, my God. Stephanie Fleming... 2581 01:38:30,000 --> 01:38:31,330 That's a ring. (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK) 2582 01:38:32,670 --> 01:38:34,300 Goose! No! 2583 01:38:34,300 --> 01:38:35,720 (ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING) 2584 01:38:38,890 --> 01:38:40,930 And, go! Go, guys! Go, go, go! 2585 01:38:42,010 --> 01:38:43,100 Stephanie! 2586 01:38:44,680 --> 01:38:45,480 Oh, my God. 2587 01:38:45,480 --> 01:38:47,070 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 2588 01:38:57,410 --> 01:39:01,000 Laird, what is Kiss doing here? 2589 01:39:01,500 --> 01:39:02,750 Um, well... 2590 01:39:05,080 --> 01:39:05,950 Is that... Whoa! 2591 01:39:05,950 --> 01:39:07,540 He got look-a-likes! 2592 01:39:07,540 --> 01:39:09,540 BARB: Those aren't look-a-likes, Ned. 2593 01:39:09,540 --> 01:39:11,040 That's Gene and Paul. 2594 01:39:11,040 --> 01:39:14,040 It's Gene and Paul! Gene and Paul! 2595 01:39:14,040 --> 01:39:16,300 (SCREAMING) Oh, my God! Oh, God! 2596 01:39:16,300 --> 01:39:17,850 Kiss is in the front yard! 2597 01:39:17,850 --> 01:39:20,430 ♪ Tonight 2598 01:39:20,430 --> 01:39:22,970 ♪ I wanna give it all to you 2599 01:39:24,970 --> 01:39:25,970 ♪ In the darkness 2600 01:39:25,970 --> 01:39:28,560 Originally, I had this more elaborate proposal plan 2601 01:39:29,060 --> 01:39:30,560 but your dad gave me this awesome advice 2602 01:39:30,560 --> 01:39:31,810 and told me not to do it. 2603 01:39:31,810 --> 01:39:33,400 But they're here, 2604 01:39:33,400 --> 01:39:35,360 and I know how much you love their music, so... 2605 01:39:35,360 --> 01:39:36,820 What? Hi. 2606 01:39:36,820 --> 01:39:40,900 ♪ I was made for lovin' you, baby 2607 01:39:40,900 --> 01:39:44,790 ♪ You were made for lovin' me 2608 01:39:44,790 --> 01:39:46,880 ♪ And I can't get... ♪ 2609 01:39:50,380 --> 01:39:52,160 Is he still proposing? What's... 2610 01:39:52,170 --> 01:39:53,760 NED: They've stopped playing now. 2611 01:39:53,750 --> 01:39:55,750 His name's Ned. BARB: Oh, my God, are they... 2612 01:39:55,750 --> 01:39:56,750 What? 2613 01:39:57,090 --> 01:39:58,140 Are they coming in the... Oh, my God. 2614 01:39:58,140 --> 01:39:59,090 They're coming up the sidewalk! 2615 01:39:59,090 --> 01:39:59,970 They're heading in! 2616 01:39:59,970 --> 01:40:01,760 They're coming in our house! Oh, my God! 2617 01:40:01,760 --> 01:40:03,890 Everybody act natural! Act naturally! 2618 01:40:03,890 --> 01:40:05,310 I have to redecorate the house! 2619 01:40:16,660 --> 01:40:17,660 Hey. 2620 01:40:17,660 --> 01:40:19,160 Hi. 2621 01:40:19,160 --> 01:40:20,080 NED: Hi. 2622 01:40:20,080 --> 01:40:21,660 (STAMMERS) 2623 01:40:22,160 --> 01:40:23,160 Uh, hi. 2624 01:40:24,450 --> 01:40:26,170 I'm Ned. PAUL: Hey, Ned. 2625 01:40:26,170 --> 01:40:27,250 Hi! Hi! 2626 01:40:27,750 --> 01:40:29,250 This is my wife, Barb. 2627 01:40:29,250 --> 01:40:30,840 This is our friends, Lou and Patty. 2628 01:40:30,840 --> 01:40:31,840 It's Lou. 2629 01:40:31,840 --> 01:40:33,620 NED: So excited you're here. 2630 01:40:33,620 --> 01:40:37,210 I gotta tell you. Uh, we are huge fans. 2631 01:40:37,210 --> 01:40:40,800 We've been members of the Kiss Army for, like, 30 years now. 2632 01:40:40,800 --> 01:40:43,880 Yeah. Our first date was the Crazy Nights Tour. 2633 01:40:43,880 --> 01:40:46,390 Yeah! And, boy, was that crazy. 2634 01:40:46,390 --> 01:40:47,350 Crazy. (ALL CHUCKLING) 2635 01:40:47,940 --> 01:40:49,100 Did you get laid? 2636 01:40:52,190 --> 01:40:53,190 Um... 2637 01:40:54,690 --> 01:40:56,200 I gave him a handjob. 2638 01:40:57,400 --> 01:40:58,810 (SNICKERS) NED: Scotty. 2639 01:40:59,400 --> 01:41:00,980 I'm having an awesome time, 2640 01:41:00,980 --> 01:41:02,370 but are you having a buffet here? 2641 01:41:02,370 --> 01:41:03,950 Oh, my God. What was I thinking? 2642 01:41:04,450 --> 01:41:05,620 Are you hungry? Starving. 2643 01:41:05,620 --> 01:41:07,790 Oh, God, of course! Where's our manners? 2644 01:41:07,790 --> 01:41:08,710 We're terrible hosts. 2645 01:41:08,710 --> 01:41:09,790 LOU: Let's get those guitars, guys. 2646 01:41:10,290 --> 01:41:11,290 Come on, let me get that axe. 2647 01:41:12,550 --> 01:41:13,640 See my body? 2648 01:41:13,630 --> 01:41:14,630 Wow! Kiss is in our house! 2649 01:41:14,630 --> 01:41:18,380 Yeah. I'm kind of juiced up a little bit. 2650 01:41:18,380 --> 01:41:20,420 Oh! I almost forgot about them. 2651 01:41:20,420 --> 01:41:22,420 Well... The happy couple. 2652 01:41:22,420 --> 01:41:24,010 Congratulations. 2653 01:41:24,420 --> 01:41:25,720 She said no. 2654 01:41:26,810 --> 01:41:27,640 I'm sorry, what? 2655 01:41:27,640 --> 01:41:29,230 She said no. 2656 01:41:30,900 --> 01:41:31,980 Well... 2657 01:41:33,570 --> 01:41:35,020 Honey. 2658 01:41:35,400 --> 01:41:37,240 I'm so flattered 2659 01:41:37,240 --> 01:41:39,860 that you wanna marry me 2660 01:41:39,860 --> 01:41:40,740 but I'm not ready for that. 2661 01:41:44,440 --> 01:41:45,660 And I'm gonna finish school. 2662 01:41:45,660 --> 01:41:47,250 For me. 2663 01:41:47,250 --> 01:41:48,750 Because that's what I wanna do. 2664 01:41:48,750 --> 01:41:50,530 Got it? 2665 01:41:50,530 --> 01:41:52,250 LAIRD: That's really smart. 2666 01:41:52,250 --> 01:41:55,170 It's just, I had this big plan 2667 01:41:56,170 --> 01:41:58,170 and it didn't work out. 2668 01:41:58,170 --> 01:42:00,680 (SIGHS) Yeah. Well, that's life, pal. 2669 01:42:02,680 --> 01:42:05,180 That is so well put, Ned. 2670 01:42:05,770 --> 01:42:07,780 It's really, really smart. 2671 01:42:07,770 --> 01:42:09,350 Dude, did you come up with that? 2672 01:42:09,850 --> 01:42:11,350 The words, "That's life?" 2673 01:42:11,640 --> 01:42:14,970 Ned, you're so full of practical wisdom... 2674 01:42:14,970 --> 01:42:15,970 I was just really looking forward 2675 01:42:15,980 --> 01:42:17,370 to you being my father-in-law. 2676 01:42:17,360 --> 01:42:18,440 Aw. 2677 01:42:19,610 --> 01:42:21,560 I'm not breaking up with you. 2678 01:42:21,560 --> 01:42:22,650 You're not? 2679 01:42:22,650 --> 01:42:23,870 No, honey. 2680 01:42:23,870 --> 01:42:25,400 No, no, no. I'm still your girlfriend. 2681 01:42:25,400 --> 01:42:27,490 We're still together. 2682 01:42:27,490 --> 01:42:28,450 LAIRD: Oh. 2683 01:42:29,540 --> 01:42:31,070 Oh, thank God! 2684 01:42:31,070 --> 01:42:32,160 Come here. 2685 01:42:43,090 --> 01:42:44,670 Merry Christmas. 2686 01:42:44,670 --> 01:42:45,550 Ned. Hey. 2687 01:42:45,550 --> 01:42:47,170 Dude, your employees are so cool. 2688 01:42:47,170 --> 01:42:48,760 Yeah, they are. 2689 01:42:48,760 --> 01:42:50,930 Maybe it was wrong of me to interfere like that, 2690 01:42:50,930 --> 01:42:52,900 but why don't you let me save your company? 2691 01:42:54,480 --> 01:42:55,980 (SIGHS) No, Laird, I can't. 2692 01:42:55,980 --> 01:42:58,150 That old model doesn't work anymore. 2693 01:42:58,150 --> 01:43:00,240 I guess... I don't know. 2694 01:43:00,240 --> 01:43:02,190 I guess I just didn't want to believe it. 2695 01:43:03,270 --> 01:43:04,770 But since you mentioned it... 2696 01:43:04,770 --> 01:43:07,110 I do have a business idea I wanna run by you. 2697 01:43:07,110 --> 01:43:08,740 Dude, elevator pitch me! 2698 01:43:08,740 --> 01:43:09,830 Okay. 2699 01:43:11,330 --> 01:43:12,830 No, hold on. 2700 01:43:12,830 --> 01:43:15,370 This wasn't my idea at all. One second. 2701 01:43:15,370 --> 01:43:16,950 Scotty, come here. SCOTTY: Yo, what's up? 2702 01:43:17,450 --> 01:43:18,750 Come here. Yeah? 2703 01:43:18,750 --> 01:43:19,760 I want you to tell Laird about the business idea 2704 01:43:19,760 --> 01:43:21,260 you mentioned on the plane. 2705 01:43:21,260 --> 01:43:22,260 Go ahead. Wait, really? 2706 01:43:22,760 --> 01:43:23,510 Yeah. 2707 01:43:23,510 --> 01:43:25,460 Told you to get that seat at the table, bro. 2708 01:43:25,460 --> 01:43:26,930 You did. He told me, Dad. He was, like... 2709 01:43:26,930 --> 01:43:27,930 "You're gonna get that seat." 2710 01:43:28,430 --> 01:43:29,430 I can't believe I finally got the seat. 2711 01:43:29,430 --> 01:43:30,970 Dragons and titties, baby. 2712 01:43:30,970 --> 01:43:32,940 Dragons and titties! (ROARS) 2713 01:43:32,940 --> 01:43:34,600 Breathe that fire. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) 2714 01:43:34,600 --> 01:43:35,640 Get up in there. 2715 01:43:36,860 --> 01:43:38,440 Get up in those titties! 2716 01:43:38,440 --> 01:43:39,640 Gonna get those dragons. (HISSING) 2717 01:43:40,730 --> 01:43:42,230 Dad... 2718 01:43:42,230 --> 01:43:43,700 Scotty! (LAUGHS) 2719 01:43:43,700 --> 01:43:46,280 Stop motorboating your dad, and elevator pitch me. 2720 01:43:46,280 --> 01:43:48,530 Sorry. Uh... 2721 01:43:48,530 --> 01:43:51,320 Laird, I can't stop thinking about your toilets, dude. 2722 01:43:51,320 --> 01:43:53,210 My toilets? Yeah. 2723 01:43:53,210 --> 01:43:55,040 The fresh feeling, the scented talc. 2724 01:43:55,040 --> 01:43:57,380 I was thinking if you can get the controls in English 2725 01:43:57,380 --> 01:43:58,960 and maybe lower the price point a little bit, 2726 01:43:59,460 --> 01:44:00,460 we could have a potentially untapped 2727 01:44:00,460 --> 01:44:01,250 market here in America. 2728 01:44:01,250 --> 01:44:03,220 Oh, shit. Right? 2729 01:44:03,220 --> 01:44:05,000 And look, we can contact a Japanese manufacturer 2730 01:44:05,000 --> 01:44:06,080 about pricing... Ooh. 2731 01:44:06,090 --> 01:44:08,680 No, Scotty. Pardon my French, but fuck that noise. 2732 01:44:09,090 --> 01:44:10,090 Whoa. 2733 01:44:10,090 --> 01:44:13,390 Listen. We have a factory right here in Grand Rapids 2734 01:44:13,390 --> 01:44:15,730 with 37 of the best employees you're ever gonna want. 2735 01:44:15,730 --> 01:44:17,810 Let's build our own. 2736 01:44:18,680 --> 01:44:20,850 Hells yes, Grateful Ned! Yeah! 2737 01:44:20,850 --> 01:44:22,180 (MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND) Boom! 2738 01:44:22,180 --> 01:44:23,770 (BLOWING RASPBERRY) 2739 01:44:24,270 --> 01:44:25,400 Okay, sorry. Yeah. 2740 01:44:29,990 --> 01:44:36,000 ALL: (SINGING) ♪ The first noel the angels did say 2741 01:44:36,000 --> 01:44:41,500 ♪ Was to certain poor shepherds In fields as they lay 2742 01:44:41,500 --> 01:44:47,010 ♪ In fields where they lay keeping their sheep 2743 01:44:47,010 --> 01:44:53,020 ♪ On a cold winter's night that was so deep 2744 01:44:53,020 --> 01:44:54,520 ♪ Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel ♪ 2745 01:44:54,520 --> 01:44:57,520 It turned out to be a pretty cool holiday after all, huh? 2746 01:44:58,520 --> 01:44:59,520 It did, son. 2747 01:45:00,220 --> 01:45:01,310 (MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND) 2748 01:45:01,310 --> 01:45:02,310 Dude. 2749 01:45:02,810 --> 01:45:04,310 What? 2750 01:45:04,310 --> 01:45:05,810 Told you you'd be calling me "son" by Christmas. 2751 01:45:05,810 --> 01:45:07,810 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 2752 01:45:07,810 --> 01:45:09,730 That's just a figure of speech. 2753 01:45:09,730 --> 01:45:10,820 Sure, Dad. 2754 01:45:17,460 --> 01:45:20,460 ♪ Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight tonight 2755 01:45:20,460 --> 01:45:23,960 ♪ Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight tonight 2756 01:45:23,960 --> 01:45:26,470 ♪ Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight tonight 2757 01:45:27,970 --> 01:45:29,470 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 2758 01:45:31,420 --> 01:45:34,420 Hello there, you gang! It is I, Gustav. 2759 01:45:34,420 --> 01:45:36,430 It's so great to see you! 2760 01:45:36,930 --> 01:45:39,430 Hey, what do you think of the new facial hair, huh? 2761 01:45:39,430 --> 01:45:41,430 I'm based in Michigan now, so you know... 2762 01:45:41,430 --> 01:45:42,430 I'm trying to do this whole kind of 2763 01:45:42,930 --> 01:45:43,930 Paul Bunyan, Midwestern thing. 2764 01:45:44,430 --> 01:45:45,900 I wanted to fill it all out. 2765 01:45:45,900 --> 01:45:48,900 So Scotty, Laird, and Ned took the printing company... 2766 01:45:49,410 --> 01:45:50,420 turned it into a toilet factory... 2767 01:45:50,410 --> 01:45:51,940 and it's going great! 2768 01:45:51,940 --> 01:45:54,910 The toilet is water efficient und eco-friendly. 2769 01:45:54,910 --> 01:45:56,450 It's state of the art. 2770 01:45:56,450 --> 01:45:59,830 I'm telling you, they have invented the Tesla of toilets! 2771 01:46:00,330 --> 01:46:01,330 It's amazing. 2772 01:46:01,330 --> 01:46:03,340 Barbara has made sure that each toilet 2773 01:46:03,340 --> 01:46:05,370 has a state of the art vaginal cleanse. 2774 01:46:05,370 --> 01:46:09,840 You know exactly what I'm saying. 2775 01:46:09,840 --> 01:46:11,430 Every single model comes with Justine. 2776 01:46:11,430 --> 01:46:12,760 Talk about a smart toilet. 2777 01:46:13,010 --> 01:46:14,100 She knows if you need a little sploosh 2778 01:46:14,100 --> 01:46:15,050 or if you actually need 2779 01:46:15,050 --> 01:46:16,380 the fountains of the Bellagio up there. 2780 01:46:18,600 --> 01:46:21,100 Scotty has finally got his seat at the table. 2781 01:46:21,520 --> 01:46:22,640 It's beautiful. 2782 01:46:22,640 --> 01:46:24,510 He went a little too far with the dragons, 2783 01:46:24,510 --> 01:46:25,940 and the titties, and the motorboating. 2784 01:46:27,640 --> 01:46:28,810 Oy vey. 2785 01:46:29,400 --> 01:46:30,820 Oh, Miss Stephanie. 2786 01:46:30,950 --> 01:46:33,450 She had the idea to link the Fleming-Mayhew company 2787 01:46:33,450 --> 01:46:35,320 with the new foundation. 2788 01:46:35,320 --> 01:46:37,700 So now, they're sponsoring sewage projects 2789 01:46:37,700 --> 01:46:39,870 all over the Third World. I told you. 2790 01:46:40,290 --> 01:46:42,990 Smart, smart, smart girl. 2791 01:46:42,990 --> 01:46:46,130 So, things are working out really well for the gang here. 2792 01:46:46,130 --> 01:46:48,210 The company is a smashing success. 2793 01:46:48,600 --> 01:46:50,300 And my dear Laird 2794 01:46:50,300 --> 01:46:52,720 has finally gotten what he's always wanted. 2795 01:46:52,720 --> 01:46:54,300 To be part of a family. 2796 01:46:57,720 --> 01:46:59,220 All right, ciao for now, you friends. 2797 01:46:59,220 --> 01:47:00,730 Until we meet again. 2798 01:47:00,730 --> 01:47:02,640 Laird, it doesn't count as a sneak attack if I can see... 2799 01:47:02,650 --> 01:47:04,520 Fuck you, Goose! Scheisse! 2800 01:47:04,510 --> 01:47:07,100 (ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE PLAYING) 2801 01:47:07,100 --> 01:47:11,600 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night 2802 01:47:12,610 --> 01:47:15,120 ♪ And party every day 2803 01:47:15,110 --> 01:47:18,610 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night 2804 01:47:19,610 --> 01:47:21,610 ♪ And party every day 2805 01:47:25,120 --> 01:47:28,120 ♪ You keep on saying you'll be mine for a while 2806 01:47:28,120 --> 01:47:31,620 ♪ You're looking fancy and I like your style 2807 01:47:31,620 --> 01:47:36,130 ♪ You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy 2808 01:47:39,130 --> 01:47:42,050 ♪ You show us everything you've got 2809 01:47:42,050 --> 01:47:45,600 ♪ Baby, baby, it's quite a lot 2810 01:47:45,600 --> 01:47:50,110 ♪ You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy 2811 01:47:52,650 --> 01:47:55,660 ♪ You keep on shouting, you keep on shouting 2812 01:47:58,650 --> 01:48:03,160 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night 2813 01:48:04,160 --> 01:48:06,160 ♪ And party every day 2814 01:48:06,160 --> 01:48:10,160 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night 2815 01:48:11,160 --> 01:48:13,130 ♪ And party every day 2816 01:48:13,130 --> 01:48:16,640 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night 2817 01:48:17,670 --> 01:48:19,670 ♪ And party every day 2818 01:48:19,670 --> 01:48:23,180 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night 2819 01:48:24,680 --> 01:48:26,180 ♪ And party every day ♪