1
00:00:34,786 --> 00:00:36,788
I'm telling you,
everything means something.
2
00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,706
No, everything does not
mean something, okay?
3
00:00:38,790 --> 00:00:40,833
Sometimes a movie
is just a movie.
4
00:00:40,917 --> 00:00:42,251
Sometimes a song is just a song,
5
00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:44,921
sometimes a joke is just a joke.
6
00:00:45,004 --> 00:00:47,006
Remember those, jokes?
Yeah, I remember 'em.
7
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,901
Okay. So lighten up. We
have a black President now.
8
00:00:48,925 --> 00:00:50,092
- Be excited.
- Half black.
9
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,070
A little bit. Just a little excited.
Half black! Half black!
10
00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:53,864
And whenever something
goes well in the country,
11
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,366
the white people go, "Oh, the
President's doing such a great job."
12
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,952
And then whenever there's
a problem, it's like,
13
00:00:57,976 --> 00:00:59,602
"That nigga's
ruining everything!"
14
00:00:59,686 --> 00:01:02,145
Nope. We are going to have
a woman president next and
15
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,231
- she is going to be Latina.
- Yeah? Ooh, okay.
16
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,942
And she might even be gay.
17
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,294
And we'll have an Asian president.
Oh, a balanced budget.
18
00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:11,113
And we will have another
handicapped president.
19
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:13,008
Okay, hold on. We're not gonna
have a handicapped president.
20
00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:14,217
Yes. Yes, we will.
We already had one.
21
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,761
- We already had one.
- No, no. I'm talking about
22
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:17,053
out-the-closet
handicapped president.
23
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,806
He was out of the closet. What is wrong...
Okay. That...
24
00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:20,039
Hey, hey.
Don't get me wrong.
25
00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:21,349
People knew that
he was handicapped.
26
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:22,685
No, I got nothing
against the handicapped,
27
00:01:22,709 --> 00:01:24,836
but everybody's not
as liberal as me, okay?
28
00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:26,588
The media wasn't better then.
29
00:01:26,671 --> 00:01:28,607
I mean, you "run" for president,
you don't "roll" for president.
30
00:01:28,631 --> 00:01:30,951
Like, you'll "run" a campaign,
you don't "roll" a campaign.
31
00:01:31,009 --> 00:01:32,193
- You are horrible.
- I'm not horrible.
32
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:33,803
That is sick.
What is wrong with you?
33
00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:35,304
- I'm sick?
- Yes.
34
00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,407
I'm the one voting for the Mexican
lesbian handicapped president.
35
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,742
Oh, my God.
You know what?
36
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:39,952
People are more accepting now.
37
00:01:39,976 --> 00:01:41,077
And thank God for that because
38
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,437
it is literally rough
for women, okay?
39
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,606
Oh, yeah.
40
00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:46,709
But I am hopeful, because
people are changing, okay?
41
00:01:46,733 --> 00:01:47,650
- Really?
- Things are changing.
42
00:01:47,734 --> 00:01:49,127
You need to wake up
and smell the progress.
43
00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:50,461
No, no, no, no.
You need to wake up, okay?
44
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,630
Wake up and smell the progress.
45
00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:52,673
- Nothing's changed.
- Yes!
46
00:01:52,697 --> 00:01:53,698
Some things never change.
47
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,216
- Thank God things change!
- Hey, look at this.
48
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,367
Black man trying to get
a cab in New York City.
49
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,220
Ha-ha. Watch this bullshit.
What's up, Hammy!
50
00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:00,997
Black man trying to get a cab.
51
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,415
Look at this! Ha, ha.
Taxi, taxi!
52
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,250
Taxi, taxi! Yeah.
53
00:02:10,048 --> 00:02:11,232
Thank you for joining me
54
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:12,693
at this special edition
of my program
55
00:02:12,717 --> 00:02:14,593
at this great university.
56
00:02:17,722 --> 00:02:20,140
In 2005, Time magazine
57
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:24,020
voted today's guest "The
Funniest Man in America."
58
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,730
By 2010,
59
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,066
the former stand-up
had hit it big
60
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,233
with a string
of blockbuster movies,
61
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:34,656
including Hammy the Bear
1, 2 and 3.
62
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,284
All right, Sanchez,
here's the plan.
63
00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:41,871
I need you to get that box
of guns across the street.
64
00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:43,706
We don't got time for that.
65
00:02:43,790 --> 00:02:45,875
Sanchez, you got plenty of time.
66
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:48,251
You got Hammy Time!
Now go!
67
00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:52,381
It's Hammy Time!
It's Hammy Time!
68
00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:53,590
It's Hammy Time!
69
00:02:53,675 --> 00:02:54,801
It's Hammy Time!
70
00:02:57,053 --> 00:02:59,972
When you were in school,
were you the class clown?
71
00:03:00,056 --> 00:03:02,892
When's the next Hammy movie?
72
00:03:02,975 --> 00:03:05,144
And after
some run-ins with the law
73
00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:07,980
due to a battle
with alcoholism...
74
00:03:08,064 --> 00:03:11,067
I mean, I was at this
restaurant the other day,
75
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:14,361
and I saw this guy
drink half a beer.
76
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:17,865
And I was like, wow,
how the hell he do that?
77
00:03:17,949 --> 00:03:19,949
Do you think you're ever
gonna go back to stand-up?
78
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:24,204
I am past stand-up.
79
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,373
I've done it.
I had fun with it.
80
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:27,666
Here's the thing.
81
00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:30,086
To me, there's nothing better
82
00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:33,505
than the first day
your movie comes out,
83
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,216
and sneaking into
the back of a theater,
84
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:39,261
and just watching people
enjoy themselves.
85
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:42,098
Did you lose your taste
though for comedy?
86
00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:44,976
I want to make
uplifting entertainment.
87
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,936
- I wanna make...
- Like Uprize?
88
00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:48,038
Like Uprize. I want to make
89
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:50,605
thought-provoking entertainment.
90
00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:52,524
This weekend is big.
91
00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:56,278
Opening today, you can see him
play the Haitian revolutionary
92
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:59,157
Dutty Boukman in
his new movie, Uprize.
93
00:04:03,870 --> 00:04:05,955
And you can also
see him getting married
94
00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:07,915
to reality star Erica Long
95
00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:09,959
on Bravo.
96
00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,217
Hi!
97
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,972
Look who's here.
98
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,389
- Hi, doll.
- Hey, beautiful.
99
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:27,684
Dre, my man.
100
00:04:27,769 --> 00:04:29,788
Hey, would you mind getting in
on the other side of the car
101
00:04:29,812 --> 00:04:31,497
and then exiting this side?
Please, it's for the show.
102
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,356
Fuck you, Benny.
I'm not on your show.
103
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,560
No, you are on the show,
you're just not getting paid.
104
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,029
- Guys, play nice, please.
- I always play nice.
105
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,947
It's not me.
106
00:04:40,031 --> 00:04:43,366
Mr. Groom, baby,
we are almost there.
107
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,660
We've got three more days
and then we're married.
108
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:46,913
You happy?
109
00:04:46,996 --> 00:04:48,915
I'm happy. I'm just
a little stressed out
110
00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:50,707
- from this movie. That's all.
- Oh...
111
00:04:50,792 --> 00:04:53,169
Why are you stressed?
Baby, you did great work.
112
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:54,479
I know. I know.
You murdered that role.
113
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:55,797
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Okay?
114
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,048
Where's my kiss?
115
00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:58,632
Do we have to do this on camera?
116
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,610
Let's just get off camera.
Let's go back in the car.
117
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,469
If it's not on camera,
it doesn't exist.
118
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,432
Our thanks to Andre Allen!
119
00:05:09,185 --> 00:05:11,187
Hammy! Hammy!
120
00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:16,234
You know,
today's one of those days
121
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,734
I feel like having a drink.
122
00:05:17,819 --> 00:05:19,046
Not funny.
Don't talk like that.
123
00:05:19,070 --> 00:05:20,338
I don't want to hear
about you drinking
124
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,405
and I don't feel like
getting you out of jail.
125
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,116
Don't worry, no slip-ups.
126
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,952
-Hey.
- Thanks.
127
00:05:26,035 --> 00:05:28,013
You know, I can't wait to see the
movie play in a theater later!
128
00:05:28,037 --> 00:05:29,371
It's gonna be packed.
Oh.
129
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:30,705
It's gonna be something else.
130
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,291
I can't wait.
131
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,086
Ooh, I love me a big girl.
132
00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,628
You moving with confidence.
133
00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:37,712
Mmm.
134
00:05:38,256 --> 00:05:39,714
Oh, by the way,
135
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,968
Erica wants you to wear
a red shirt on the plane,
136
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:44,403
and when you get off, she will
have a camera crew waiting for you.
137
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,930
Camera crew, red shirt.
138
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,406
What, are they scared
they're not gonna be
139
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,141
able to find me amongst
the sea of niggas
140
00:05:49,225 --> 00:05:50,517
getting off of private jets?
141
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,853
I'm not wearing the shirt.
142
00:05:51,936 --> 00:05:54,272
Okay, whatever, man. Let's
move on to the next interview.
143
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,581
Next interview?
I thought I was done
144
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,108
until XM and the junket.
145
00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:58,943
Well, Charles just
texted me this one.
146
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,226
They need you for a few hours.
147
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,322
A Wyclef movie is hard to sell.
148
00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:04,614
Everybody in the barber shop
149
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,284
wants to see you
in that bear costume.
150
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,468
They love you in
that bear costume.
151
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:08,618
You gotta wear it, baby.
152
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,097
Yeah, but they can't
even see my face.
153
00:06:10,121 --> 00:06:11,481
But they feeling you, son.
154
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:12,999
That's who you are!
You Hammy!
155
00:06:13,082 --> 00:06:15,334
I told you, I don't feel like
doing funny movies anymore.
156
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,669
I don't feel funny.
We talked about this.
157
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,922
Save some of that stuff
for your Times interview.
158
00:06:20,006 --> 00:06:21,966
Times? Fuck the Times.
159
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,818
You act like you've never
had a bad review before.
160
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:26,012
I could take one, but every one?
161
00:06:26,095 --> 00:06:27,263
"Every one," really?
162
00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:29,598
Come on, man.
Look at this shit.
163
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:32,894
"Andre Allen is the most
pathetic character
164
00:06:32,977 --> 00:06:35,146
"in cinema today."
165
00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:37,439
"If he ever put out
another movie,
166
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:38,565
"I would not see it
167
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,609
"if it was playing
in my glasses."
168
00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:43,445
Why the fuck would somebody
say some shit like that?
169
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,239
That's James Nielson.
That's what he does.
170
00:06:45,323 --> 00:06:47,407
He's a critic.
And he won't show his face.
171
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,951
No, fuck James Nielson.
172
00:06:49,035 --> 00:06:50,386
He's been ripping my shit
apart for years.
173
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,828
The next one's a chick.
174
00:06:51,913 --> 00:06:53,705
She just wants to do
a profile piece on you.
175
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,229
And I think she's
a big fan of yours.
176
00:06:55,291 --> 00:06:56,625
Fuck the Times.
177
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:58,377
You're gonna do this, okay?
178
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,314
I'm not going to go back and
forth with you about this.
179
00:07:00,338 --> 00:07:02,505
We talked about it.
It's The New York Times.
180
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,176
Do you hear me?
The New York Times!
181
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,177
Let me ask you a question.
182
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:07,528
When you told me that you
wanted to do
183
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,197
that movie Crossbusters,
what'd I say to you, Andre?
184
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:10,097
"Not a good idea."
185
00:07:10,181 --> 00:07:11,366
When you tell me
that you wanted to do
186
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,076
that little baseball movie,
what I say to you, Andre?
187
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,517
You said it wasn't a good idea.
188
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,204
Now, when you tell me
you wanted to do that movie
189
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:18,123
about the Haitian revolution,
Andre, what'd I say to you?
190
00:07:18,147 --> 00:07:19,814
You said it wasn't
a good idea, okay?
191
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:22,401
No. No, no, no, no,
you're wrong, Andre.
192
00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,653
That's not what I said.
I said, "Nigga, is you crazy?"
193
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,863
I emailed it!
I sent the email out
194
00:07:26,948 --> 00:07:29,866
with a bunch of racial slurs
and bad English
195
00:07:29,951 --> 00:07:31,202
to my own company account!
196
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,470
The reason why I did it, Andre,
197
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:33,870
was 'cause
I wanted to be on file
198
00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:35,705
to show people
that I was against this!
199
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,376
I was against this project!
I... I jeopardized my job.
200
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,044
You know that?
I almost ruined my job.
201
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,836
What are you talking about?
202
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,041
A nigga can't get fired
for saying "nigga" to a nigga.
203
00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:46,175
You've never been more wrong.
A nigga can...
204
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,780
A nigga can get fired
for saying "nigga" to a nigga.
205
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,306
A nigga don't run
this damn company.
206
00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:54,308
Matter of fact,
if niggas at this company
207
00:07:54,392 --> 00:07:56,328
found out that I was using
the word nigga in here,
208
00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:57,852
my black ass would be
on the street.
209
00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,313
So you're wrong, nigga.
210
00:07:59,397 --> 00:08:01,856
I guess you're right, nigga,
but I don't want to do this.
211
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,275
I hate James Nielson.
212
00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:06,153
I hate the Times.
Everything I do, they trash.
213
00:08:06,237 --> 00:08:07,529
Not the funny stuff.
214
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,614
Look, Andre, they're gonna
write the story anyway.
215
00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:11,884
And I mean, it's hard enough
getting you a job as it is.
216
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,928
I mean, it's not like everybody's
knocking on your door for work.
217
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,930
It's really hard to get you work.
You know that, I know that.
218
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,539
Do you think the wedding
is hurting me?
219
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,060
Are you kidding me? Listen, Andre,
the wedding is the best thing
220
00:08:20,084 --> 00:08:21,144
that you got going right now.
221
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,420
And let's be honest.
222
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,046
Andre, if this thing flops,
223
00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:25,648
we could be talking
Dancing With The Stars, man.
224
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,216
Dancing With the Fucking Stars?
225
00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:28,419
Yes. Dancing With The Stars.
226
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:29,843
That's where
you're at right now.
227
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,113
Andre, all these people
want to do
228
00:08:31,137 --> 00:08:32,430
is follow you around
for one day.
229
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,348
Let them follow you around!
230
00:08:34,432 --> 00:08:35,616
You know, if I get the word out,
231
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,393
this movie could
still be a big hit.
232
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:39,519
It could be like
a Haitian Django.
233
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,855
If you say so, Andre,
then yes. Hold on. Hold on.
234
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,482
Hey! Hey! Hey!
235
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:45,043
What is going on?
Where's everyone running to?
236
00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:46,943
Zoolander's in
the conference room!
237
00:08:47,028 --> 00:08:48,255
Ben Stiller's in
the conference...
238
00:08:48,279 --> 00:08:50,031
These white people
don't tell me shit!
239
00:08:50,114 --> 00:08:52,283
Yo, Silk! Where's the car?
240
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,493
It's in range.
241
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,578
Hey, how'd it go
with Charlie Rose?
242
00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:58,663
Chelsea Brown.
243
00:08:59,415 --> 00:09:00,540
From the Times.
244
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,501
Yes, from the Times.
245
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,545
How'd it go? I thought you
were supposed to be watching.
246
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,589
You a real journalist,
or like Miss Detroit?
247
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,258
Funny.
248
00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:11,236
Look, they just told me that
you're gonna be doing this.
249
00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:12,635
I'm sorry if I'm late.
250
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:13,946
Congratulations on the wedding.
251
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,389
And the movie.
252
00:09:15,473 --> 00:09:16,639
You know, some friends and I
253
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,892
saw you a few years back
at Purchase.
254
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,186
You were really great.
255
00:09:20,269 --> 00:09:22,438
Thank you very much
for doing this interview.
256
00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:23,980
Why, 'cause your boy
James Nielson
257
00:09:24,065 --> 00:09:25,465
said he wouldn't watch
my next movie
258
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:27,151
if it was playing
in his glasses?
259
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:28,818
James.
260
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,737
James.
261
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,383
Hey, who would have thought Google
would have made that possible, right?
262
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:34,866
Look, you're about
a half hour late.
263
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,951
If I were you,
I would get started.
264
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:40,164
Okay. I just need
to go home first.
265
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,333
They just told me
that we were doing this.
266
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,833
I don't have my recorder.
267
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,212
Recorder?
What are you, Lois Lane?
268
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:48,380
- Just use your phone.
- No, you don't understand.
269
00:09:48,464 --> 00:09:49,815
I... I can't do an
interview without it.
270
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,119
It's kind of my thing.
I'm sorry.
271
00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:01,477
You take these?
272
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,437
Uh...
273
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,063
Yes.
274
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:08,526
They're good.
275
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,361
I do photography on the side.
276
00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,321
I do a little poetry
on the side,
277
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:13,696
I do a little music on the side.
278
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,282
That's nice.
279
00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:16,616
It's always good to make sure
280
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:19,911
you never get too good
at any one thing.
281
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,139
Okay, I'm almost done.
282
00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:22,390
I just need to change
really quickly.
283
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,517
I'm gonna surprise my boyfriend
284
00:10:23,541 --> 00:10:25,708
for his birthday.
A word of advice.
285
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,085
Never surprise anyone.
286
00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:28,587
Why?
287
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:31,590
Hey, I call my mother
before I go over,
288
00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:33,592
'cause I don't want to
walk in there one day
289
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:35,885
and catch her hugging up
on some other kid!
290
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,680
Hi. Are you going to marry
Princess Erica on TV?
291
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:40,474
Can I see your phone?
292
00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:44,936
Did you have a baby
when you were 10?
293
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,565
Don't take
his phone. Mom?
294
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,691
Okay, what are you doing
with my phone?
295
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,277
Playing Angry Birds.
296
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,195
But I don't have Angry Birds.
297
00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:54,572
You do now.
298
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,031
Grace? Go finish
your work, mamita.
299
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,741
And give the man back his phone.
300
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,579
Hi.
Hi.
301
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,372
I'm Gladys, Chelsea's mother.
302
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:06,124
Are you ready for the big day?
303
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:08,335
Oh, the wedding.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
304
00:11:08,419 --> 00:11:10,588
You're so lucky
you found someone.
305
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,964
I hear that being a cougar
is a big thing,
306
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:15,593
but I can't find anybody
that wants to be couged.
307
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,759
So, I read this stuff
308
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,123
to try to better understand men.
309
00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:19,471
Listen to this.
310
00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:21,557
"Men love it
when you gently..."
311
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,741
Whoa. What are you
talking about?
312
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,393
"Lick their..."
Okay, no more Cosmo.
313
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,120
Wait a minute. I thought
you wrote this one.
314
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,605
Wait, wait, get out of here.
315
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,398
So... So you are
a real journalist.
316
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:31,525
I'm sorry, I didn't
know it was a secret.
317
00:11:31,609 --> 00:11:33,503
Shakira Simmons? What's that?
Your stripper name?
318
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:34,819
Shakara Simmons.
319
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:37,739
I don't use my real name
for the fluffy stuff.
320
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:41,410
Okay, I found my Flip,
and we can go now.
321
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,703
So what's up with
all this Cinderella stuff?
322
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,955
Um, those are my daughter's.
323
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:49,125
A little girl's reading
The Cinderella Effect.
324
00:11:49,210 --> 00:11:51,295
Okay, that one's mine.
Okay.
325
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,214
Don't you think it's kinda odd
326
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:55,549
that a grown woman
is still into Cinderella?
327
00:11:55,633 --> 00:11:56,859
Don't you think
that it's kinda odd
328
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,486
that a grown man is still
into the Yankees?
329
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:00,929
Yes, but the Yankees
are a real team.
330
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:03,515
A-Rod is real? Okay,
you got me on that one.
331
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,142
And for your information,
332
00:12:06,227 --> 00:12:07,977
my daughter is working
on a school project.
333
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,897
You know, where they have to
rewrite a classical story
334
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,191
and she's doing one on
the real Cinderella.
335
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,818
According to my child,
336
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:19,365
Cinderella was born a nanny
in the Bronx in 1995, okay?
337
00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:21,759
Her mama was a nanny and her secret
father was the mean white landlord,
338
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,076
who had three daughters.
339
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,388
Cinderella had to do all the
things that a nanny has to do,
340
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,872
she had to cook and clean, and
do everything for her sisters.
341
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:30,626
And then one day,
Prince came into town
342
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:33,337
and was doing a concert that
everyone wanted to attend.
343
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:34,796
But the landlord
forbid her to go,
344
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,633
so she waited
until her sisters left,
345
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,050
and then snuck into the concert
346
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:40,636
and was the prettiest
girl there.
347
00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:42,280
Prince didn't want to hang
with anyone else,
348
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:43,906
and then she noticed that
her sisters were leaving
349
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,056
and she knew she had to go.
350
00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:46,684
But she also knew
351
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,394
that she wanted
to see Prince again.
352
00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:50,437
So, she did what girls do
353
00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:52,146
when they want
to see a guy again.
354
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,230
Hand job?
355
00:12:55,526 --> 00:12:58,320
She left something.
356
00:12:58,404 --> 00:13:01,072
Only two days
until the Wedding Spectacular.
357
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,967
The jury's still out on
which shoes Erica will wear.
358
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:05,286
So were you the class clown
growing up?
359
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,036
Class clown?
360
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,921
Is that why we went back
to get this recorder,
361
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:12,710
so you can ask me
if I was the class clown?
362
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,396
Look, I am really sorry
to break it to you,
363
00:13:14,420 --> 00:13:16,254
but not everybody knows
your origin story.
364
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:17,673
You know what?
365
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,675
Why don't you just skip
the hack questions
366
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:21,259
and go right to something good?
367
00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:23,679
All right. Good questions, huh?
368
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:25,681
How come you're
not funny anymore?
369
00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:27,599
And what's up with this wedding?
370
00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:29,393
I mean, it seems
really out of control.
371
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,645
Who the fuck are you?
372
00:13:31,729 --> 00:13:34,690
You don't know me.
Are you my agent?
373
00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:38,444
You had your kid so young you guys
share math class, and you're judging me?
374
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,571
You're asking me
if my relationship
375
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,864
with my fiancee is real.
Yes.
376
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,700
Wait, hold on a second.
377
00:13:45,743 --> 00:13:46,868
It's my career move.
378
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,095
Oh, go on.
379
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,872
Hey, honey.
380
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,206
Hey, baby.
What's going on?
381
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,435
Yeah, no.
I'm here at the place.
382
00:13:53,459 --> 00:13:55,001
And it looks sick.
383
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:58,464
It's like epic, babe,
it's epic. It's a story.
384
00:13:58,547 --> 00:13:59,733
Yeah, we're doing the blocking
385
00:13:59,757 --> 00:14:01,484
and I'm looking at
head shots of flower girls.
386
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,967
Whoa, she's got buck teeth.
387
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:05,053
Is my stand-in
as nervous as I am?
388
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,263
Oh, stop it. Everything
looks just great, okay?
389
00:14:07,348 --> 00:14:09,350
I just wish
you were here to see it.
390
00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:10,642
How's your press going?
391
00:14:10,726 --> 00:14:13,771
It's going okay when
they ask about the movie.
392
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,731
Baby, don't worry
about what they're saying.
393
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,041
Your movie is
way over their heads.
394
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:18,359
Did you pick up your tux?
395
00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:20,943
No, not yet.
I'm running a little late.
396
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,529
I look bad, you look bad.
397
00:14:22,613 --> 00:14:23,673
Champagne, Mr. Allen?
398
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:24,906
Yeah, sure.
399
00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:28,660
Are you gonna drink that,
Mr. Ankle Bracelet?
400
00:14:28,744 --> 00:14:30,244
I always say yes.
401
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:32,706
'Cause whenever you say no,
people want an explanation.
402
00:14:32,790 --> 00:14:34,123
Yeah, I'm the same way
with meth.
403
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,834
I just take it.
404
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,294
Is it true that Erica
helped you get clean?
405
00:14:38,379 --> 00:14:40,171
Do you even know
what my movie's about?
406
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:42,006
It's about Dutty Boukman,
407
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,510
a self-educated slave
who, once in Haiti,
408
00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:46,070
became one of the leaders
of the revolution
409
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:48,555
where Haitian slaves
killed over 50,000 whites.
410
00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:50,682
Yay, dead white people.
411
00:14:50,766 --> 00:14:52,225
Dutty did not shut up
and play nice.
412
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:53,893
You know, normally,
after someone says
413
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:55,854
they saw your movie,
414
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:59,608
they give you some sort
of opinion, you know...
415
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:02,444
They go, "Oh, I saw your movie
and I thought it was good."
416
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:04,880
And you know, sometimes they
don't like your movie and they go,
417
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,944
"I saw your movie and I
thought it was interesting."
418
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,660
Yeah, it was interesting
how you ended the movie
419
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,077
before you showed
420
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,704
how the French
had cut his head off
421
00:15:12,788 --> 00:15:14,014
and paraded it
around the country.
422
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,958
But I'd like to ask you
this question first.
423
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:19,961
How do you think being sober
has affected your career?
424
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:21,630
It hasn't.
425
00:15:23,549 --> 00:15:27,009
Uh, I think it has.
I know it has.
426
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,973
I mean, really. What do
you know about sobriety?
427
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,473
What do I know about sobriety?
Uh, what don't I know?
428
00:15:31,557 --> 00:15:33,015
"God grant me the serenity
429
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,893
"to accept the things
I cannot change...
430
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,496
"the courage
to change the things I can
431
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,313
"and the wisdom
to not smoke crack."
432
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:40,774
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
433
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:44,026
Is that more research,
or are you in recovery?
434
00:15:45,529 --> 00:15:46,613
Four years.
435
00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:50,074
Four years?
I'm four years.
436
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,578
I drank everything,
it didn't matter.
437
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:53,953
It got really bad when I started
438
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,539
guzzling hand sanitizer.
439
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,040
Hand sanitizer? Whoo!
440
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,878
Did you ever drink Sterno?
What the fuck is Sterno?
441
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,312
Yeah, Sterno,
you know those little cans
442
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:04,673
they put at the buffet
to keep food warm.
443
00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:06,508
That's some Amy Winehouse shit.
444
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,613
Can we get back to this idea
that your sobriety
445
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:11,971
hasn't affected your work?
446
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:15,200
Did Erica actually
get you clean,
447
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,309
as rumor has it?
448
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,977
No, I got myself clean.
449
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,413
You need to stop
listening to rumors.
450
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:20,731
Hammy!
451
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,273
What got you clean, Miss Sterno?
452
00:16:23,609 --> 00:16:26,862
I don't know.
Um, my mother. My kid.
453
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:29,423
Maybe I just got
tired of waking up
454
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:30,364
with strange dicks in my face.
455
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,991
Ho! Whoa! Whoa!
456
00:16:32,743 --> 00:16:35,077
Too much info. What...
457
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,831
Okay, your turn
Mr. "I Got Myself Clean."
458
00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:40,458
- Rigorous honesty?
- Yes.
459
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,544
You guys rip me apart
every chance you get.
460
00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:44,378
Why should I talk to you?
461
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:45,964
I've got nothing
to do with that.
462
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,508
Yeah, but that's your people.
463
00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:49,676
Look, if you're gonna
just cut my head off
464
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:50,986
and parade it around the square,
465
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,971
I don't need to help
you with that.
466
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:56,265
I'm not here to hurt you.
I just want a decent story.
467
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,811
You give me a couple of
really great honest things,
468
00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:02,271
stuff you haven't told
everybody else,
469
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:06,067
some real inside stuff,
rigorous honesty stuff,
470
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,070
and I promise you...
I will be more than fair.
471
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,323
On the record.
On the record.
472
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:15,536
Deal.
473
00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:19,413
Nice to meet you, Andre Allen.
474
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:22,584
I look forward to
interviewing you, Andre Allen.
475
00:17:22,668 --> 00:17:26,797
Okay, let's try this again.
First truthful question.
476
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,882
What was your bottom?
477
00:17:28,966 --> 00:17:32,134
First truthful answer.
Houston.
478
00:17:38,934 --> 00:17:41,060
So I get off the plane
in Houston.
479
00:17:44,815 --> 00:17:46,315
Now, I'm expecting
the comedy club
480
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,985
to send some kid to pick me up.
481
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,277
But I get to the gate
482
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,404
and to my surprise,
I'm met by...
483
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:55,701
Hey, wassup?
You came to pick me up?
484
00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:57,201
Yeah, man. Hey, sorry
485
00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:58,805
I didn't have one of them
little signs, man.
486
00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:01,748
I'm Jazzy Dee, CEO at
the Code J Enterprises, man.
487
00:18:01,832 --> 00:18:03,457
- Welcome to Houston.
- Thanks a lot.
488
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:06,127
We promoting your show, man.
You know what I'm saying?
489
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,855
How was your flight? Good?
Yeah, it was pretty good.
490
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:08,879
That's great. Great, man.
491
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,024
You know,
tickets are a little slow
492
00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:11,465
'cause of the hair show in town,
493
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:13,402
but don't worry, we're gonna
have a big walk-up, dawg.
494
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,970
Okay. Okay.
So about, uh...
495
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,680
How far is the hotel?
I'm starving.
496
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,932
About 45 minute. Bruce
Bruce is already there.
497
00:18:19,016 --> 00:18:20,433
Like I say, this my town.
498
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:22,351
Anything you need,
you let a brother know.
499
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,079
I'm the motherfuckin' man
in Houston, dawg.
500
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:27,315
Anything you need,
coke, weed, drank.
501
00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,985
You know, syrup.
You want some of that syrup?
502
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,277
No, no, I'm good.
That's good.
503
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,047
'Cause I'm the motherfuckin'
man in Houston, man.
504
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,131
I'm gonna tell you
that right now.
505
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:36,157
I'm the motherfuckin' man
in Houston, baby!
506
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,703
Hey, you see how I do it, right?
507
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,370
No check-in or nothing.
508
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,432
I just walk through the
door, through the lobby, man.
509
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,142
They just giving me the key.
You know what I'm saying?
510
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,167
I told you,
511
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:47,770
I'm the motherfuckin' man
in Houston, dawg.
512
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,545
I, um, got you a suite.
513
00:18:49,630 --> 00:18:51,882
Everything. All the
amenities, everything good.
514
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,842
Jacuzzi tub,
a little living room.
515
00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:55,343
Bed got a duvet on it.
516
00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:57,345
You can lay down
all over that, man.
517
00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:58,680
So you straight?
518
00:18:58,764 --> 00:19:01,016
I'm straight. I'm straight.
Yo, check this out.
519
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,976
So, I gotta get dressed, right?
520
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:04,853
But a little later,
why don't you come by,
521
00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:06,520
scoop me up,
522
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,708
then we hit some clubs, and
you know, promote the show?
523
00:19:08,732 --> 00:19:10,191
I like that.
524
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,151
I like that. You're
about your paper, boy.
525
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,035
Oh, I'm about it, baby.
I'm about it 'bout it.
526
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:15,255
I'm gonna see you
about 11:00.
527
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:16,948
By 11:00. By 11:00.
Okay. All right, cool.
528
00:19:17,032 --> 00:19:18,532
Hey...
529
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,869
Dre, you mind if I get
some of them hangers, man?
530
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:22,536
I need some wooden hang...
Oh, damn it.
531
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,372
They got the...
532
00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:27,000
They got the lock on 'em!
They got the lock on 'em!
533
00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:29,293
They hip to your boy.
Who the man in Houston?
534
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,253
Jay Dizzle!
Motherfuckin' man!
535
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,009
This is Andre Allen.
536
00:19:36,093 --> 00:19:38,011
Come on out tomorrow night,
537
00:19:38,095 --> 00:19:40,596
to see me and my man,
Bruce Bruce,
538
00:19:40,681 --> 00:19:42,264
at the Laugh Shack!
539
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,269
Laugh Shack.
540
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,827
This is how I do it every day.
It's how I live.
541
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:04,412
Strictly V.I.P.
for me and my nigs.
542
00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:05,621
You know, I told you,
543
00:20:05,706 --> 00:20:07,540
I'm the motherfuckin' man
in Houston, dawg!
544
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,625
You don't even know what
it's like out there, man.
545
00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:11,962
Nigga be on the other side
of the ropes talkin' about,
546
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:14,089
"Hey, Jazz, how can
I get in V.I.P.?"
547
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:16,340
I'm like,
"Nigga, get a better life!"
548
00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:20,804
You crazy, Jazzy.
549
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,098
But, look, we got to make a run.
550
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:25,976
Bye, Andre. Bye-bye, Bruce. Bye.
551
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:28,812
See you all later. Hey,
beep me, Jazz. Don't forget.
552
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,856
Don't run too far.
553
00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:32,190
Yeah.
Beep you, all right.
554
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:34,650
- Bye.
- Yeah.
555
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:35,986
Take care, ladies.
556
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,611
Could we get another
bottle over here?
557
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:38,947
Thank you!
558
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,448
Yes.
559
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:42,075
Oh, yeah.
560
00:20:42,159 --> 00:20:43,492
Hey, man, like I said, dawg,
561
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,995
them two girls right there?
562
00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:47,122
They gonna come by
the hotel later.
563
00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:48,372
Get out of here!
564
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:49,641
I'm the motherfuckin' man, dawg!
565
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:50,876
Oh, man!
566
00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:53,003
Yo, yo, Jazz, Jazz, Jazz!
567
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:55,046
My wife's family's
from Houston, man!
568
00:20:55,130 --> 00:20:56,214
One of those bitches
569
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,257
might know her cousins
or something, playa!
570
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,886
No doubt, no doubt, Bruce,
I respect that.
571
00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:03,679
I'll give you a full, official
time-out on that, nigga.
572
00:21:03,764 --> 00:21:04,765
But you!
Yo.
573
00:21:04,848 --> 00:21:06,099
You, my nigga!
574
00:21:06,183 --> 00:21:08,267
I know you can
handle two bitches!
575
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,061
If I hadn't been
drinking all night,
576
00:21:10,145 --> 00:21:11,914
I would have known this
was too good to be true.
577
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,481
But...
578
00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:14,816
Bring four, nigga!
Bring four.
579
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:16,275
Four bitches?
Four. Four. Four.
580
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:18,527
I tell you,
if I had four bitches,
581
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,464
I'd have one of 'em braiding
my motherfuckin' hair,
582
00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,169
and the other motherfuckin'
doing my taxes!
583
00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:24,117
Goddamn, nigga! Goddamn.
584
00:21:24,201 --> 00:21:26,036
Is some smart hos out here.
Whoo!
585
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:28,055
Some of these hos are smart,
nigga, that's what I'm saying.
586
00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:29,705
I seemed confident,
587
00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:31,124
but that was the liquor talking.
588
00:21:31,208 --> 00:21:35,045
H-town!
Who the motherfuckin' man?
589
00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:36,670
I mean, what you gotta
understand is
590
00:21:36,754 --> 00:21:39,257
even when you're a little
famous, and that's all I was,
591
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:41,009
a little famous,
592
00:21:41,092 --> 00:21:43,845
people lie and exaggerate
to you all the time.
593
00:21:43,929 --> 00:21:46,639
I need to borrow
$10,000, man, okay?
594
00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:48,307
I'll never ask you
for money again.
595
00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:50,601
Dude, for only 50 grand,
596
00:21:50,684 --> 00:21:53,729
we can control all the water
on the Internet.
597
00:21:53,814 --> 00:21:55,124
Don't worry,
I won't get pregnant.
598
00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:56,607
My pussy's broken.
599
00:21:58,235 --> 00:22:00,237
Anyway, I get back to the hotel
600
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,446
and get what I used to call
some "ho sleep."
601
00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:04,365
That's that horrible
sleep you get
602
00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:06,910
when you think there's
a chance a ho might come over.
603
00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:27,305
Hey, Andre.
604
00:22:27,388 --> 00:22:29,598
Hey, wassup?
I forgot about you two.
605
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:31,017
What you got poppin' up in here?
606
00:22:31,101 --> 00:22:32,351
I can't wait for your show.
607
00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:33,561
Bruce Bruce is so funny.
608
00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:35,646
I'm friends with
his wife's cousin.
609
00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:36,898
Do you got a minibar?
610
00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:39,150
Yeah, yeah, I got a minibar.
611
00:22:39,234 --> 00:22:42,153
What y'all want? Chicken fingers?
Breakfast?
612
00:22:42,237 --> 00:22:43,612
Jalapeno poppers?
613
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,115
Jalapeno poppers?
614
00:22:45,198 --> 00:22:47,533
Okay, just let me call
and see...
615
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:51,329
Mmm, chicken.
616
00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:53,039
This is good.
Mmm-hmm.
617
00:22:54,165 --> 00:22:55,624
Mmm.
618
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,435
They were wild in
at the club when you left.
619
00:22:57,459 --> 00:22:58,544
Mmm-hmm.
620
00:22:58,627 --> 00:23:00,171
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
621
00:23:01,047 --> 00:23:02,548
You want some?
622
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,301
Room service is my jam.
623
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:11,033
- We got some more.
- What? I'm a...
624
00:23:11,057 --> 00:23:12,297
We got whatever you need.
625
00:23:24,862 --> 00:23:26,156
Oh, okay.
626
00:23:45,342 --> 00:23:46,759
Yeah.
627
00:24:00,023 --> 00:24:01,399
Oh, yeah.
628
00:24:01,482 --> 00:24:02,566
Ah...
629
00:24:04,986 --> 00:24:06,654
Oh, yeah. Oh...
630
00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:10,033
I mean, honestly,
I couldn't believe
631
00:24:10,116 --> 00:24:12,785
God had blessed me
with these two angels.
632
00:24:17,374 --> 00:24:21,044
Hey, uh, do not disturb!
633
00:24:21,127 --> 00:24:23,296
Beat it.
I don't need anything!
634
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:25,463
Fucking maids.
635
00:24:29,094 --> 00:24:30,636
Well, well, well.
636
00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:32,323
- What do we have here?
- Hey, hey. Whoa, whoa.
637
00:24:32,347 --> 00:24:34,099
Are you all doing
a pillow fight?
638
00:24:34,182 --> 00:24:35,724
That's my shit right there.
639
00:24:39,270 --> 00:24:41,106
Oh, my God.
Were you scared?
640
00:24:41,189 --> 00:24:42,983
Yes, I was scared.
I'm naked
641
00:24:43,066 --> 00:24:45,026
and a man walks in the room
and starts undressing.
642
00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:47,404
That look good, man.
643
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:48,713
Hey, let me get some of that.
Oh, oh, oh.
644
00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:49,863
Ow!
645
00:24:49,947 --> 00:24:51,949
-Oh, hi, Jazzy.
- Hey, Jazzy.
646
00:24:52,033 --> 00:24:53,284
My dick was gone,
647
00:24:53,368 --> 00:24:55,286
it looked like a button
on a mink coat.
648
00:24:55,370 --> 00:24:56,578
Yeah.
Yeah.
649
00:24:56,662 --> 00:24:58,456
Yeah, daddy Dee's getting it!
650
00:24:58,539 --> 00:24:59,891
Who the motherfuckin' man
in Houston?
651
00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:01,292
You're the motherfuckin' man!
652
00:25:01,376 --> 00:25:03,502
You're the man.
We love you.
653
00:25:03,585 --> 00:25:05,231
Look at that tow truck.
Look at that tow truck.
654
00:25:05,255 --> 00:25:06,564
Back that thing up on it.
655
00:25:06,588 --> 00:25:09,092
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
656
00:25:09,175 --> 00:25:11,094
- Harder. Harder.
- Oh, yeah.
657
00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:14,097
Jazzy Dizzle. Gettin' it.
658
00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:16,266
I wanted to run away,
but I was naked.
659
00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:18,892
Oh, yeah.
660
00:25:18,976 --> 00:25:19,976
How did you feel?
661
00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:22,063
I was terrified.
662
00:25:22,147 --> 00:25:23,398
Yeah, yeah.
663
00:25:23,481 --> 00:25:26,067
Hey, bitch.
Get your ass over here.
664
00:25:26,151 --> 00:25:27,693
- Me?
- Mm-hmm.
665
00:25:29,362 --> 00:25:31,281
Coming, Daddy.
666
00:25:31,364 --> 00:25:33,050
These girls that
I thought were angels
667
00:25:33,074 --> 00:25:34,533
two seconds ago,
668
00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:36,119
are now the most
disgusting things
669
00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:37,536
I've ever seen.
670
00:25:38,079 --> 00:25:39,205
Oh, yeah.
671
00:25:41,374 --> 00:25:42,708
What'd the room smell like?
672
00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:44,626
What did the room smell like?
673
00:25:44,710 --> 00:25:45,770
What kind of question is that?
674
00:25:45,794 --> 00:25:47,088
Come on.
675
00:25:47,172 --> 00:25:50,175
Scared motherfucker ass
and smoked ribs.
676
00:25:50,258 --> 00:25:52,218
But the most disgusting part...
677
00:25:52,302 --> 00:25:53,302
- No!
- Yes!
678
00:25:53,344 --> 00:25:55,305
- No!
- Yes!
679
00:25:55,388 --> 00:25:57,098
I think, I think I'm coming!
680
00:25:58,308 --> 00:25:59,350
Ahhh...
681
00:26:00,768 --> 00:26:01,810
Oh...
682
00:26:01,894 --> 00:26:03,396
It was like Old Faithful.
683
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,022
Oh...
684
00:26:05,106 --> 00:26:08,025
It was just everywhere.
685
00:26:08,109 --> 00:26:09,777
Like the garbage truck
had to come
686
00:26:09,860 --> 00:26:11,488
and lay salt to get rid of it.
687
00:26:12,821 --> 00:26:14,407
So finally, they leave.
688
00:26:14,491 --> 00:26:16,409
I assume it's to do coke.
689
00:26:16,493 --> 00:26:18,414
You know, people get
real stingy with their coke.
690
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,016
Hey, wassup?
691
00:26:41,101 --> 00:26:42,560
Where's Jazzy?
692
00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:43,811
Uh, I don't know.
693
00:26:43,894 --> 00:26:45,122
I thought you all
went somewhere.
694
00:26:45,146 --> 00:26:46,397
Yeah, right.
695
00:26:46,481 --> 00:26:48,525
You don't know where
your best friend Jazzy's at?
696
00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:50,443
Best friend?
697
00:26:50,527 --> 00:26:52,112
Hey, I just met him today.
698
00:26:52,195 --> 00:26:54,197
He's not really my best friend.
699
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,074
I mean, is something wrong?
Is there a problem?
700
00:26:57,158 --> 00:26:58,867
Yeah, there's a fucking problem.
701
00:26:58,951 --> 00:27:00,911
Your best friend said
if we came over here
702
00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:02,663
and fucked you, we'd get $1,000.
703
00:27:02,746 --> 00:27:04,332
$1,000? What the...
Hey, hey, hey...
704
00:27:04,415 --> 00:27:06,750
And now I cannot find his ass.
705
00:27:06,834 --> 00:27:09,587
Hey, he ain't tell me shit,
and even if he did,
706
00:27:09,670 --> 00:27:12,549
why would I pay you to fuck him?
707
00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:14,152
I mean, I'm nasty,
but I'm not a freak!
708
00:27:14,217 --> 00:27:16,594
I don't care!
709
00:27:16,677 --> 00:27:19,139
You better get us our money
and soon, or I'm gonna yell
710
00:27:19,222 --> 00:27:20,764
"rape" up in this bitch
711
00:27:20,848 --> 00:27:23,434
and your ass is gonna
go to jail! Do you hear me?
712
00:27:23,518 --> 00:27:25,270
I ain't givin' y'all...
Do you hear me?
713
00:27:25,353 --> 00:27:26,539
I got nothing to do with Jazzy!
714
00:27:26,563 --> 00:27:27,646
Rape!
715
00:27:31,108 --> 00:27:33,735
I told you I'm the motherfuckin'
man in Houston, right?
716
00:27:33,819 --> 00:27:35,880
If I didn't know that judge,
you might still be in there.
717
00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:37,508
Look, I'm gonna drop
Dede off at practice,
718
00:27:37,532 --> 00:27:39,576
then get you back to the
hotel, you get some rest.
719
00:27:40,493 --> 00:27:42,077
I mean, after Houston,
720
00:27:42,162 --> 00:27:44,997
I totally quit drinking.
721
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,625
From that point on,
I never had a drink again.
722
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,880
No donuts! Hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on.
723
00:27:52,963 --> 00:27:55,466
Oh, there it is, let me be
your prisoner of love.
724
00:27:55,550 --> 00:27:56,943
How about that? You know
you need to back up.
725
00:27:56,967 --> 00:27:58,760
Ooh, lock me up!
Put the key in your bra!
726
00:27:58,844 --> 00:28:00,285
Let me come and get it
with my teeth!
727
00:28:01,181 --> 00:28:02,557
Yeah, Charles.
728
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,975
It's just the matinees.
729
00:28:05,058 --> 00:28:08,061
Hey, people are still at work.
It'll pick up tonight.
730
00:28:08,145 --> 00:28:10,022
Look, I just walked in
the jewelry store,
731
00:28:10,105 --> 00:28:11,706
and I will check in
with you later, okay?
732
00:28:17,154 --> 00:28:18,323
Here you go.
733
00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:25,288
These aren't the rings.
They're not?
734
00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:26,664
I mean, those are the rings,
735
00:28:26,747 --> 00:28:27,849
but there's an extra ring there.
736
00:28:27,873 --> 00:28:30,918
Let me go get Michele.
I think she dealt with it.
737
00:28:34,589 --> 00:28:36,798
Hey, excuse me, sir. No, no, no.
Oh, I just wanted...
738
00:28:37,342 --> 00:28:39,302
Mr. Allen, hi.
739
00:28:39,385 --> 00:28:41,178
Um, is there a problem
with your ring?
740
00:28:41,262 --> 00:28:42,542
Well, there's
another ring there.
741
00:28:43,348 --> 00:28:44,806
Ah, you're right.
742
00:28:44,890 --> 00:28:46,517
I mean, we're just
getting married,
743
00:28:46,601 --> 00:28:48,436
we're not winning
the Super Bowl.
744
00:28:48,519 --> 00:28:52,315
Miss Long came by
earlier this week and, uh,
745
00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:54,775
added onto the order.
746
00:28:55,693 --> 00:28:57,278
Added to the order?
747
00:29:03,368 --> 00:29:04,785
Hammy!
748
00:29:06,412 --> 00:29:07,996
Hey, yo, Hammy!
749
00:29:09,831 --> 00:29:10,916
Hey, Hammy!
750
00:29:10,999 --> 00:29:12,167
Let's go.
751
00:29:14,002 --> 00:29:15,202
So, here are your lines.
752
00:29:15,255 --> 00:29:17,923
The engineer will cue
you when he is ready.
753
00:29:18,006 --> 00:29:19,360
You good? You need a
coffee or anything?
754
00:29:19,384 --> 00:29:20,759
No, I'm good.
All right, great.
755
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:22,760
So,
756
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:25,180
are you okay now?
757
00:29:25,265 --> 00:29:27,350
I saw you yelling
on the phone earlier.
758
00:29:27,433 --> 00:29:28,850
No, I'm fine.
759
00:29:29,810 --> 00:29:31,646
What's on your mind?
760
00:29:31,729 --> 00:29:33,690
Ask me a question.
Interview me.
761
00:29:33,772 --> 00:29:35,148
Get in my business.
762
00:29:35,232 --> 00:29:37,527
That's what I'm trying to do.
What happened?
763
00:29:37,610 --> 00:29:39,987
Okay. Let me
ask you a question.
764
00:29:40,070 --> 00:29:43,324
If a guy you loved
gave you a wedding ring,
765
00:29:43,408 --> 00:29:46,369
a ring you said
you've always wanted,
766
00:29:46,452 --> 00:29:48,492
would you exchange it because
your boss told you to?
767
00:29:48,538 --> 00:29:50,872
Why'd you change the rings
without talking to me?
768
00:29:50,956 --> 00:29:53,000
Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
769
00:29:53,083 --> 00:29:54,167
I meant to tell you.
770
00:29:54,251 --> 00:29:55,532
I've been so busy,
I just forgot.
771
00:29:56,504 --> 00:29:57,755
How does that make you feel?
772
00:29:57,838 --> 00:29:59,047
I didn't say it was me,
773
00:29:59,131 --> 00:30:01,049
I just said
if a guy you loved...
774
00:30:01,842 --> 00:30:03,927
So this guy I love...
775
00:30:04,011 --> 00:30:05,471
Which ring did he get me?
776
00:30:05,555 --> 00:30:07,889
The network, those jerks,
777
00:30:07,973 --> 00:30:09,867
they just thought they weren't
camera-friendly enough,
778
00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:11,287
and I would have never
allowed them to do it
779
00:30:11,311 --> 00:30:13,396
if I thought there was
gonna be a problem.
780
00:30:13,479 --> 00:30:15,897
She's a reality star.
Everything's for sale.
781
00:30:15,981 --> 00:30:17,858
Everything's not for sale.
782
00:30:19,652 --> 00:30:21,446
Okay! You ready?
783
00:30:22,946 --> 00:30:24,990
What's up?
This is Andre Allen
784
00:30:25,073 --> 00:30:27,618
and when I listen
to satellite radio,
785
00:30:27,702 --> 00:30:30,954
I listen to Sirius Hits One.
786
00:30:31,038 --> 00:30:34,459
That's, um,
that's good, just, uh...
787
00:30:34,542 --> 00:30:35,742
Just make it a little funnier.
788
00:30:36,711 --> 00:30:38,837
Funnier?
You're a funny guy.
789
00:30:41,006 --> 00:30:42,383
Make it more funny.
790
00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:44,885
Okay.
791
00:30:44,968 --> 00:30:47,388
Hey, wassup, this is Andre Allen
792
00:30:47,472 --> 00:30:49,766
and when I listen
to satellite radio,
793
00:30:49,848 --> 00:30:51,892
I listen to Sirius Hits One!
794
00:30:53,644 --> 00:30:57,398
Just, you know, say...
Just put a little, uh...
795
00:30:57,482 --> 00:30:58,482
Put a little stank on it.
796
00:30:59,776 --> 00:31:00,777
Stank?
797
00:31:01,902 --> 00:31:03,613
Stank. Stank.
798
00:31:03,696 --> 00:31:05,989
Stank?
Give it stank.
799
00:31:06,073 --> 00:31:08,493
Okay, I don't really
know what you mean.
800
00:31:08,576 --> 00:31:09,827
Uh, could you show me?
801
00:31:11,371 --> 00:31:14,415
You're the funny... I'm not...
Okay, all right. It's like...
802
00:31:14,499 --> 00:31:17,918
Hey! This is Andre Allen,
803
00:31:18,001 --> 00:31:21,672
and when I listen
to satellite radio... Whoa!
804
00:31:21,756 --> 00:31:24,425
I listen to Sirius Hits One!
Whoo!
805
00:31:24,509 --> 00:31:26,176
It's a brand new movie.
806
00:31:26,259 --> 00:31:28,554
Uprize?
Uprize. Uprize.
807
00:31:28,638 --> 00:31:30,305
It's in theaters today.
808
00:31:30,390 --> 00:31:32,224
You're playin'
a Haitian revolutionary?
809
00:31:32,307 --> 00:31:34,267
This is a...
Homosexuals.
810
00:31:34,351 --> 00:31:36,103
Homosexual radio station.
Yeah.
811
00:31:36,186 --> 00:31:37,246
I just want to say,
"What's up?"
812
00:31:37,270 --> 00:31:39,189
to all my Haitian fans
813
00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:40,775
that listen to Opie and Anthony.
814
00:31:40,858 --> 00:31:42,251
First of all,
who's going to believe
815
00:31:42,275 --> 00:31:44,986
that Hammy the Bear is a
revolutionary out of Haiti?
816
00:31:45,070 --> 00:31:46,947
Hammy's not in the movie.
817
00:31:47,030 --> 00:31:48,533
They should let children
out of school
818
00:31:48,616 --> 00:31:50,618
to see this movie. They
should show it in school.
819
00:31:50,701 --> 00:31:53,454
First hundred gay people
820
00:31:53,538 --> 00:31:55,997
get three dollars
off their tickets.
821
00:31:56,081 --> 00:31:58,418
If you look at my comedy,
it was always serious.
822
00:31:58,501 --> 00:32:00,293
Just prove your gayness...
823
00:32:00,377 --> 00:32:01,855
How do we prove we're gay?
And we...
824
00:32:01,879 --> 00:32:04,131
I have some, uh, some goat meat.
825
00:32:04,214 --> 00:32:06,676
I brought you some,
uh, Haitian food.
826
00:32:06,759 --> 00:32:08,301
- Goat meat.
- Goat meat?
827
00:32:08,385 --> 00:32:10,805
- Spaghetti with ketchup...
- What is...
828
00:32:10,888 --> 00:32:13,516
which Haitians actually
eat for breakfast.
829
00:32:13,599 --> 00:32:16,519
Wow, really?
Yes. This... This...
830
00:32:16,602 --> 00:32:18,019
Sounds awful.
831
00:32:18,103 --> 00:32:21,148
Yes, spaghetti with ketchup is
the Cheerios of Haiti.
832
00:32:21,231 --> 00:32:24,025
Now, is there going to
be a Hammy the Bear 4?
833
00:32:24,109 --> 00:32:25,820
I hate Hammy the Bear.
834
00:32:25,903 --> 00:32:28,656
I gave you three
Hammy the Bears.
835
00:32:28,739 --> 00:32:30,575
I want people
to take me serious.
836
00:32:30,658 --> 00:32:33,494
I want people to stop walking
up to me on the street
837
00:32:33,578 --> 00:32:35,580
and making bear sounds.
838
00:32:35,663 --> 00:32:37,998
Andre, what do you have to
say to the white audience here
839
00:32:38,081 --> 00:32:41,586
that is insulted, uh, disgusted,
840
00:32:41,669 --> 00:32:45,005
by your movie, watching 50,000
of their people being killed?
841
00:32:45,088 --> 00:32:48,008
Uh, George Bush kills
a lot of brown people.
842
00:32:48,091 --> 00:32:49,342
Nobody had a problem with that.
843
00:32:49,426 --> 00:32:50,470
It wasn't a movie.
844
00:32:50,553 --> 00:32:51,596
He killed some...
845
00:32:51,679 --> 00:32:52,947
- Like, really killed them!
- Oh.
846
00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:55,432
I fake-kill white people
and it's a problem.
847
00:32:55,516 --> 00:32:56,726
There's outrage.
848
00:32:56,809 --> 00:33:00,855
How many of these white
people actually die on screen?
849
00:33:00,938 --> 00:33:03,941
Uh, probably two,
three thousand.
850
00:33:04,024 --> 00:33:05,066
That's it, dawg?
851
00:33:06,401 --> 00:33:08,236
- Stank.
- Stank.
852
00:33:13,450 --> 00:33:15,035
Nice and funny. Go!
853
00:33:15,578 --> 00:33:17,580
Wassup, motherfuckers?
854
00:33:17,663 --> 00:33:19,874
This is motherfucking
Andre Allen!
855
00:33:19,957 --> 00:33:22,375
And when I listen
to satellite radio,
856
00:33:22,459 --> 00:33:24,962
or scratch my nuts, that is,
857
00:33:25,045 --> 00:33:29,090
I listen to Sirius
motherfucking 101,
858
00:33:29,174 --> 00:33:30,174
biatch!
859
00:33:31,719 --> 00:33:33,386
First take was good.
860
00:33:33,470 --> 00:33:35,180
I was wrong on the stank note.
861
00:33:35,263 --> 00:33:38,559
First take had a lot of
wonderful stuff in there.
862
00:33:43,689 --> 00:33:45,983
I hope you're writing
nice things about me.
863
00:33:46,066 --> 00:33:47,067
Let's go.
864
00:33:54,909 --> 00:33:56,451
- What's up, dawg?
- Hammy!
865
00:33:58,078 --> 00:34:00,080
Hammy, don't get brand new.
866
00:34:00,873 --> 00:34:03,416
Hollywood. Hollywood!
867
00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:05,753
Holly, hey, Holly!
Hollywood! Get...
868
00:34:05,836 --> 00:34:09,006
Get your ass over here!
869
00:34:09,089 --> 00:34:11,634
Look at who's...
Look who's slummin'!
870
00:34:11,717 --> 00:34:13,553
Come here.
Come here, boy!
871
00:34:14,386 --> 00:34:17,055
Hollywood! Hollywood!
872
00:34:17,138 --> 00:34:18,975
Roll out the red carpet.
There it is.
873
00:34:19,057 --> 00:34:21,561
Hollywood, come on, boy.
874
00:34:21,644 --> 00:34:24,145
What you...
I thought you'd be in L.A.,
875
00:34:24,229 --> 00:34:25,990
you know, getting ready
for that big wedding.
876
00:34:26,023 --> 00:34:27,775
I see commercials for it
all the time.
877
00:34:27,858 --> 00:34:29,777
Yeah, yeah, I'm in town
878
00:34:29,860 --> 00:34:31,254
just doing some press
for this movie.
879
00:34:31,278 --> 00:34:32,989
I leave tonight.
880
00:34:33,071 --> 00:34:35,073
Uh, Chelsea here
is doing a story on me.
881
00:34:35,156 --> 00:34:36,156
Hello.
Oh.
882
00:34:37,117 --> 00:34:38,535
So I see.
883
00:34:38,619 --> 00:34:40,221
That's why you bring
your ass around here.
884
00:34:40,245 --> 00:34:42,289
What, you telling her
how bad you had it?
885
00:34:42,372 --> 00:34:43,892
Is that what it is? Huh?
886
00:34:43,916 --> 00:34:45,250
Oh, come on, man.
887
00:34:45,333 --> 00:34:46,961
You're coming
to the party, right?
888
00:34:47,712 --> 00:34:49,964
Some people got to work.
889
00:34:50,047 --> 00:34:52,328
I'll tell you what. I'll come
to your next bachelor party.
890
00:34:55,552 --> 00:34:57,429
It's not funny, man.
Hey, tell me something.
891
00:34:57,512 --> 00:34:59,056
Your next wife,
892
00:34:59,139 --> 00:35:01,308
is she going to be, uh,
white or she gonna be Asian?
893
00:35:03,060 --> 00:35:04,854
Still not funny, man.
894
00:35:04,937 --> 00:35:07,773
Oh, it's only funny when
you say mean shit, right?
895
00:35:09,900 --> 00:35:11,151
You know what?
What?
896
00:35:11,234 --> 00:35:14,529
Imma get out of here.
I'll catch you later, okay?
897
00:35:14,614 --> 00:35:16,866
Hey, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
898
00:35:16,949 --> 00:35:18,450
Come here, come here.
899
00:35:18,533 --> 00:35:20,327
Come here. Um...
900
00:35:20,410 --> 00:35:23,121
Look, can you break me off
a little something?
901
00:35:23,204 --> 00:35:24,456
I...
902
00:35:24,539 --> 00:35:27,125
I haven't got my check...
Haven't cashed it yet.
903
00:35:34,008 --> 00:35:35,009
Here.
904
00:35:35,843 --> 00:35:37,218
Really?
905
00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:38,470
Thanks.
906
00:35:38,553 --> 00:35:39,698
I'll put it on your tab, okay?
907
00:35:39,722 --> 00:35:41,473
Thanks, Hollywood.
908
00:35:41,556 --> 00:35:43,893
Thank you, Hollywood!
909
00:35:43,976 --> 00:35:45,645
Hey, nice meeting you.
910
00:35:45,728 --> 00:35:48,480
Hey, don't you believe
a thing he says, okay?
911
00:35:49,606 --> 00:35:51,483
Hollywood! Damn!
912
00:35:51,566 --> 00:35:52,566
Who was that?
913
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:54,904
My father.
914
00:35:54,987 --> 00:35:57,698
- Hammy!
- Yo, Hammy!
915
00:35:57,782 --> 00:35:59,302
You don't even know
what celibacy mean!
916
00:36:00,617 --> 00:36:03,829
Oh, my gosh! Hi! Andre!
917
00:36:03,913 --> 00:36:05,193
Yo! Look what
the cat dragged in!
918
00:36:05,246 --> 00:36:06,414
Yes!
919
00:36:06,498 --> 00:36:09,085
Akil, give your uncle a hug.
Hey, man, what's up?
920
00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:11,003
Aw, shit, hide the liquor.
God damn it!
921
00:36:11,087 --> 00:36:12,420
Hide the liquor?
922
00:36:12,504 --> 00:36:14,255
Look who's talking.
Hide the crack.
923
00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:19,636
Yo, homeboy, well,
that wasn't necessary, man.
924
00:36:19,720 --> 00:36:20,971
That was the '80s.
925
00:36:21,055 --> 00:36:22,890
Either you was using
or you was selling.
926
00:36:22,973 --> 00:36:24,934
Either way, you got
swept up in it.
927
00:36:25,017 --> 00:36:27,853
Hey, man, I'm being nice. I didn't
mention that five grand you owe me.
928
00:36:27,937 --> 00:36:29,562
When I get my income tax check,
929
00:36:29,646 --> 00:36:31,481
you're gonna get yours
off top, my man.
930
00:36:31,564 --> 00:36:33,126
You know what, you gotta
have a income first
931
00:36:33,150 --> 00:36:35,485
before you get a check.
You can't tax zero.
932
00:36:35,568 --> 00:36:37,029
Is this Come Down On Fred Day?
933
00:36:38,030 --> 00:36:40,281
Yeah, he's allergic to jobs.
934
00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:42,827
He takes job Benadryl.
Just take it.
935
00:36:42,910 --> 00:36:45,495
When he feel a job coming on,
he just take a Benadryl.
936
00:36:48,082 --> 00:36:50,500
Hey, everybody,
this is Chelsea Brown.
937
00:36:50,583 --> 00:36:53,879
She's doing a story on me
for The New York Times.
938
00:36:53,963 --> 00:36:55,899
Now, she's gonna ask a few
of y'all some questions.
939
00:36:55,923 --> 00:36:57,340
Feel free to answer.
940
00:36:57,424 --> 00:37:00,052
- But remember, no snitching!
- Oh!
941
00:37:00,136 --> 00:37:02,096
Oh, you must be out your mind!
942
00:37:02,179 --> 00:37:03,889
We're gonna tell all his shit.
943
00:37:03,973 --> 00:37:07,059
You want me to be quiet, you gotta
clear the five thousand, my man.
944
00:37:07,143 --> 00:37:09,103
I said five thousand to be nice.
945
00:37:09,186 --> 00:37:10,520
When it come to me, baby girl,
946
00:37:10,603 --> 00:37:12,189
I'm gonna turn over
like a apple pie.
947
00:37:12,272 --> 00:37:13,941
You know what, you
just ate a apple pie,
948
00:37:14,024 --> 00:37:15,525
you fat motherfucker.
Shut up!
949
00:37:19,155 --> 00:37:20,823
Can I say something?
950
00:37:20,906 --> 00:37:22,950
Jealousy will get y'all nowhere!
951
00:37:23,033 --> 00:37:24,869
I watch Erica's show every week.
952
00:37:24,952 --> 00:37:26,286
I can't wait to see the wedding.
953
00:37:26,369 --> 00:37:27,872
When you gonna
bring her around here?
954
00:37:27,955 --> 00:37:28,998
Soon.
955
00:37:29,081 --> 00:37:30,707
That's what you said last time.
956
00:37:30,791 --> 00:37:32,960
And you know what, I'm still
waiting on my invitation.
957
00:37:33,043 --> 00:37:35,378
Hey. I'm not in charge
of the guest list. Okay?
958
00:37:35,462 --> 00:37:37,190
I'm just the groom. I'm not
in charge of all this stuff.
959
00:37:37,214 --> 00:37:39,233
Tell the truth. Tell the truth.
That bitch don't like me.
960
00:37:39,257 --> 00:37:40,885
No, she likes you.
She asks about you.
961
00:37:40,968 --> 00:37:42,219
Oh, she asks about me?
962
00:37:42,302 --> 00:37:43,487
She asks about you all the time.
963
00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:44,596
What does she say?
964
00:37:44,679 --> 00:37:46,182
She say, "How your
big friend doing?"
965
00:37:46,264 --> 00:37:48,058
My big...
966
00:37:48,142 --> 00:37:49,577
Is that what that
bitch think about me?
967
00:37:49,601 --> 00:37:51,187
I'm big like that?
For real?
968
00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:52,621
I'm just saying.
That's that Hollywood shit,
969
00:37:52,645 --> 00:37:54,272
Andre! That's that
Hollywood shit!
970
00:37:54,355 --> 00:37:55,941
I'm just playing.
I'm just playing.
971
00:37:56,025 --> 00:37:57,085
Why I ain't got my invitation?
972
00:37:57,109 --> 00:37:58,861
Well, 'cause...
973
00:37:58,986 --> 00:38:00,713
'Cause they figure we could,
you know... The hotel...
974
00:38:00,737 --> 00:38:01,923
Andre, you're full
of shit right now.
975
00:38:01,947 --> 00:38:03,824
And the airfare.
976
00:38:03,908 --> 00:38:05,551
Everybody's coming to
the bachelor party, right?
977
00:38:05,575 --> 00:38:08,661
I want to, but General
Tao over here...
978
00:38:08,745 --> 00:38:11,581
I said no, 'cause he don't
know how to come home
979
00:38:11,664 --> 00:38:12,875
and shit, making it rain...
980
00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:14,518
We need our fucking ones.
981
00:38:14,542 --> 00:38:16,021
Put that down and have
a fucking seat.
982
00:38:16,045 --> 00:38:18,964
I mean, come on, there's
gonna be a TV crew there.
983
00:38:19,048 --> 00:38:20,340
Erica picked out everything.
984
00:38:20,423 --> 00:38:22,009
They're even
giving out gift bags.
985
00:38:22,092 --> 00:38:25,303
Gift bags?
Nigga, kill yourself.
986
00:38:25,386 --> 00:38:28,473
What's wrong, man?
What's wrong with a gift bag?
987
00:38:28,556 --> 00:38:29,868
They got lots
of cool shit in there.
988
00:38:29,892 --> 00:38:31,227
Nigga and gift bags.
989
00:38:32,519 --> 00:38:34,230
-He's a corny-ass nigga.
- All right.
990
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:37,817
I got another five grand.
What you got?
991
00:38:37,900 --> 00:38:38,901
Oh!
992
00:38:40,236 --> 00:38:41,946
Can I get one of them gift bags?
993
00:38:43,823 --> 00:38:46,033
Hey, bro-bro, check this out.
994
00:38:46,116 --> 00:38:48,785
I got the new jawn.
The 2016 jawn.
995
00:38:48,869 --> 00:38:50,411
It's real light.
Matter of fact,
996
00:38:50,495 --> 00:38:52,455
if you take it off,
you won't even sweat.
997
00:38:52,539 --> 00:38:54,499
I can take yours off, too,
if you want me to.
998
00:38:54,582 --> 00:38:56,793
Nah, that's okay, but thanks.
999
00:38:56,877 --> 00:38:59,255
Nigga, put your
bracelet back on!
1000
00:38:59,337 --> 00:39:01,173
I don't want the cops
running in here!
1001
00:39:01,257 --> 00:39:05,010
Me? I was there first time
he got on stage.
1002
00:39:05,094 --> 00:39:07,972
How was he?
He sucked.
1003
00:39:08,055 --> 00:39:09,556
Nothing about him was funny.
1004
00:39:09,639 --> 00:39:12,893
He was like a bag
of dead kittens.
1005
00:39:12,977 --> 00:39:15,104
Son, when Nas focus,
1006
00:39:15,187 --> 00:39:16,688
he better than Jay,
man, I'm sorry.
1007
00:39:16,771 --> 00:39:18,065
That's some real shit.
1008
00:39:18,148 --> 00:39:20,025
'Cause Tupac was
headed for the Oscar.
1009
00:39:20,109 --> 00:39:22,485
Or Tupac would be
one of our political leaders.
1010
00:39:22,569 --> 00:39:25,155
Tupac might be
a political leader,
1011
00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:26,614
if he was alive.
1012
00:39:26,698 --> 00:39:29,367
But then again, Tupac might be
1013
00:39:29,450 --> 00:39:31,744
in a Tyler Perry movie
right now. So you don't know.
1014
00:39:31,828 --> 00:39:33,956
- You don't know.
- You never know.
1015
00:39:34,039 --> 00:39:36,833
He might be...
Tupac might be
1016
00:39:36,917 --> 00:39:40,587
the bad dark-skinned boyfriend
in a Tyler Perry movie.
1017
00:39:40,670 --> 00:39:42,271
I gotta agree with
that shit right there.
1018
00:39:42,339 --> 00:39:45,675
I would hope he's a senator.
1019
00:39:45,758 --> 00:39:48,469
But he might be kicking Jill
Scott down a flight of stairs.
1020
00:39:50,931 --> 00:39:53,267
Yo. Dre. Yo, Dre!
1021
00:39:53,350 --> 00:39:54,767
Who was the funniest?
1022
00:39:54,851 --> 00:39:57,729
I think I was the funniest.
I'm tight funny. Yeah.
1023
00:39:57,812 --> 00:39:59,373
Yeah? You ever
do any stand-up?
1024
00:39:59,397 --> 00:40:01,858
Nah, nah, I'm like, you know...
1025
00:40:01,942 --> 00:40:04,861
I'm not stand-up funny, I'm
just, like, the funny dude.
1026
00:40:04,945 --> 00:40:07,114
Like, you know,
put me in a scenario,
1027
00:40:07,197 --> 00:40:08,573
and I'll go buck wild.
1028
00:40:08,656 --> 00:40:10,783
I always been funnier than Dre!
1029
00:40:10,867 --> 00:40:12,827
When my ma's water broke,
I was funny.
1030
00:40:12,912 --> 00:40:14,829
She went into labor,
she wasn't crying,
1031
00:40:14,914 --> 00:40:15,998
she wasn't screaming.
1032
00:40:16,081 --> 00:40:17,333
She was laughing!
1033
00:40:17,415 --> 00:40:19,251
The doctor said,
"What's wrong with her?"
1034
00:40:19,335 --> 00:40:21,170
She said, "I'm having Fred."
1035
00:40:21,253 --> 00:40:23,380
I'm just saying...
I'm just saying,
1036
00:40:23,463 --> 00:40:25,257
if it don't work out
with me and this nigga,
1037
00:40:25,341 --> 00:40:26,591
I'm gonna get me a white man.
1038
00:40:26,674 --> 00:40:28,111
Do you ever
think about how different
1039
00:40:28,135 --> 00:40:29,970
your life would be
had you stayed together?
1040
00:40:30,054 --> 00:40:32,889
It just didn't work out.
1041
00:40:32,973 --> 00:40:35,184
I broke up with him.
1042
00:40:35,267 --> 00:40:37,602
Yeah. I'm happy
where I'm at.
1043
00:40:39,104 --> 00:40:40,730
But you must think
about it sometimes.
1044
00:40:42,482 --> 00:40:44,734
Every fucking day.
1045
00:40:44,817 --> 00:40:46,569
I mean, girl,
1046
00:40:46,653 --> 00:40:48,989
I used to get mad at him
for playing PlayStation.
1047
00:40:49,781 --> 00:40:51,658
What kind of shit was that?
1048
00:40:51,741 --> 00:40:53,662
If I'd have known how
successful he was gonna be,
1049
00:40:53,743 --> 00:40:55,828
I woulda built him
my own PlayStation.
1050
00:40:55,912 --> 00:40:57,473
Dre ain't funny. You know
who's funnier than Dre?
1051
00:40:57,497 --> 00:40:59,375
Nick Cannon.
That motherfucker hilarious.
1052
00:40:59,457 --> 00:41:01,251
Put your top five...
Who's your top five?
1053
00:41:01,335 --> 00:41:04,088
Slick Rick, Kane, Rakim,
1054
00:41:04,171 --> 00:41:07,967
KRS-One, and Biggie
is my fifth man.
1055
00:41:08,050 --> 00:41:11,178
And Jay Z is my sixth man.
1056
00:41:11,261 --> 00:41:12,655
Would you write
any jokes for him?
1057
00:41:12,679 --> 00:41:14,074
Yeah, I would, I would,
but, see, everything
1058
00:41:14,098 --> 00:41:15,473
up here with mine.
1059
00:41:15,556 --> 00:41:19,686
My top five is Jay,
Nas, Scarface...
1060
00:41:19,769 --> 00:41:20,937
Oh, okay, okay.
1061
00:41:21,021 --> 00:41:24,191
Scarface, 'cause everybody
got their shit from Scarface.
1062
00:41:25,608 --> 00:41:27,527
- Rakim.
- Rakim.
1063
00:41:27,610 --> 00:41:31,614
Rakim, and then I might let
Biggie get in there.
1064
00:41:31,698 --> 00:41:33,616
Once his mother died,
man, it changed a lot.
1065
00:41:33,700 --> 00:41:35,369
He ain't even wanna
be funny anymore.
1066
00:41:35,452 --> 00:41:36,887
He was like...
He was a different Dre.
1067
00:41:36,911 --> 00:41:39,248
My top five. Ice-T...
1068
00:41:39,331 --> 00:41:41,499
Ice-T?
Ice motherfucking T!
1069
00:41:42,834 --> 00:41:45,462
♪ Six in the mornin'
police at my door
1070
00:41:45,545 --> 00:41:48,215
♪ Fresh Adidas squeak
across the bathroom floor ♪
1071
00:41:48,298 --> 00:41:50,550
We started drinking young,
man, we was like 12 years old.
1072
00:41:50,633 --> 00:41:53,429
We used to get O...
O.E. cans, and cut 'em out
1073
00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:54,804
and make gold teeth out of 'em.
1074
00:41:54,887 --> 00:41:56,806
My sixth man's LL Cool J.
1075
00:41:58,225 --> 00:42:01,519
Before the show!
Before the show!
1076
00:42:02,854 --> 00:42:04,148
He was funnier drunk.
1077
00:42:04,231 --> 00:42:06,150
Everybody's funnier drunk.
1078
00:42:06,233 --> 00:42:08,360
You ever see Oprah drunk?
She's hysterical.
1079
00:42:08,444 --> 00:42:10,029
Once he stopped drinking,
1080
00:42:10,112 --> 00:42:12,572
once the nigga stopped
getting oddy with the 40s,
1081
00:42:12,655 --> 00:42:14,866
something was gone,
like, 95% was gone.
1082
00:42:14,949 --> 00:42:16,160
This nigga was bugged out.
1083
00:42:16,243 --> 00:42:17,660
You think he funny now?
1084
00:42:17,744 --> 00:42:19,704
You should've seen him
in the pissy staircases.
1085
00:42:19,787 --> 00:42:21,415
This nigga was hilarious.
1086
00:42:21,498 --> 00:42:23,459
Dre, if I get married, man,
1087
00:42:23,541 --> 00:42:25,710
I'm gonna do the Suge Knight
speech at my wedding.
1088
00:42:25,793 --> 00:42:27,212
"If y'all don't
want the preacher
1089
00:42:27,296 --> 00:42:29,256
"all up in the wedding,
1090
00:42:29,339 --> 00:42:31,716
"the ring boy all up
in the wedding,
1091
00:42:31,799 --> 00:42:32,799
"come to Death Row!"
1092
00:42:33,260 --> 00:42:35,387
Good morning, Buffalo!
1093
00:42:35,471 --> 00:42:37,389
Wassup, San Antonio!
1094
00:42:37,473 --> 00:42:39,308
This is not another Hammy movie.
1095
00:42:39,391 --> 00:42:41,726
And it's about
the Haitian revolution.
1096
00:42:41,809 --> 00:42:44,396
The greatest slave
rebellion of all time.
1097
00:42:45,064 --> 00:42:46,647
Slave rebellion.
1098
00:42:47,483 --> 00:42:49,109
It's when slaves rebel.
1099
00:42:49,193 --> 00:42:51,320
Uh, Taraji P. Henson,
1100
00:42:51,403 --> 00:42:53,988
uh, Gabby Sidibe,
1101
00:42:54,989 --> 00:42:56,450
uh, Anthony Anderson.
1102
00:42:57,700 --> 00:43:00,661
I play a guy named
Dutty Boukman.
1103
00:43:03,748 --> 00:43:05,417
Yeah.
1104
00:43:05,501 --> 00:43:08,212
Well, I've been...
I read up on him,
1105
00:43:08,295 --> 00:43:10,838
and I've been wanting to do
this movie for a long time.
1106
00:43:12,882 --> 00:43:15,552
Yeah, I just found
the story fascinating.
1107
00:43:18,721 --> 00:43:20,640
Yeah, well, this is
the kind of stuff
1108
00:43:20,723 --> 00:43:22,725
I'm trying to get into now,
more serious stuff.
1109
00:43:26,062 --> 00:43:29,857
Yes, it's fun for the whole family.
It's educational.
1110
00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:31,235
Watch this dunk.
1111
00:43:31,318 --> 00:43:32,586
He splits the defenders...
1112
00:43:32,610 --> 00:43:33,653
Oh, and jams it home!
1113
00:43:33,736 --> 00:43:37,282
Yeah, yeah. It's about
the Haitian revolution.
1114
00:43:37,366 --> 00:43:39,118
Yeah, the Haitian revolution
1115
00:43:39,201 --> 00:43:42,496
was the largest slave uprising
in the Western Hemisphere.
1116
00:43:42,579 --> 00:43:44,914
Andre, I know this
party's gonna be crazy,
1117
00:43:44,997 --> 00:43:46,392
so if we don't get to
talk to each other,
1118
00:43:46,416 --> 00:43:47,750
make sure you call me back.
1119
00:43:47,834 --> 00:43:48,835
I'll call you.
1120
00:43:48,918 --> 00:43:50,878
All right, now, if my
husband answers the phone,
1121
00:43:50,962 --> 00:43:53,298
don't hang up, 'cause he
knows what time it is.
1122
00:43:53,382 --> 00:43:54,924
Now come here, give me a hug.
1123
00:43:55,342 --> 00:43:56,801
Aw.
1124
00:43:56,884 --> 00:43:59,804
Hey, Dre, stay black, nigga!
Keep it one hundred!
1125
00:43:59,887 --> 00:44:02,807
You heard? Don't forget
where you came from, son!
1126
00:44:09,398 --> 00:44:10,566
You got that, uh,
1127
00:44:10,648 --> 00:44:12,568
"I'm texting my boyfriend"
look on your face.
1128
00:44:13,318 --> 00:44:14,735
What's his name?
1129
00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:17,197
Brad.
1130
00:44:18,030 --> 00:44:20,325
So what's he do, Brad?
1131
00:44:20,409 --> 00:44:23,620
He's a D.J. He spins at
Greenhouse on Monday nights.
1132
00:44:23,703 --> 00:44:25,289
So, how old's he turning again?
1133
00:44:25,372 --> 00:44:27,374
Thirty.
Thirty.
1134
00:44:27,457 --> 00:44:29,792
Hey, man, 30's that birthday.
1135
00:44:29,876 --> 00:44:32,086
I remember when
I turned 30. 30's scary.
1136
00:44:32,171 --> 00:44:33,838
You know, 30's that age
where you realize,
1137
00:44:33,921 --> 00:44:36,175
"I gotta get my shit together.
1138
00:44:36,258 --> 00:44:39,051
"I could actually
become homeless."
1139
00:44:39,135 --> 00:44:42,763
I mean, not Will-Smith-
P ursuit-of-Happyness homeless.
1140
00:44:42,847 --> 00:44:45,517
I mean, like blow-job-in-
the-bus-station homeless.
1141
00:44:45,601 --> 00:44:47,453
So, that's what you think?
He's deep in thought right now
1142
00:44:47,477 --> 00:44:49,396
about not being homeless?
1143
00:44:49,479 --> 00:44:50,855
If he's smart.
1144
00:44:50,938 --> 00:44:52,875
If he's not, he won't think
about it till he's 40.
1145
00:44:52,899 --> 00:44:53,983
Then it'll be too late.
1146
00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:55,860
Oh!
1147
00:44:55,943 --> 00:44:57,380
- You okay?
- Is everybody okay?
1148
00:44:57,404 --> 00:44:58,488
My apologies.
1149
00:44:58,572 --> 00:44:59,989
Out! Let's get out.
1150
00:45:00,072 --> 00:45:02,074
- Let's get out of here.
- Gotta go.
1151
00:45:02,158 --> 00:45:03,951
What the hell?
We can't just leave.
1152
00:45:04,035 --> 00:45:06,413
- Let's go, go, go.
- What are you doing?
1153
00:45:07,456 --> 00:45:09,081
- Let's go!
- Come on.
1154
00:45:09,165 --> 00:45:11,018
So, what, you're just leaving
the scene of an accident now?
1155
00:45:11,042 --> 00:45:12,323
I didn't have an accident.
1156
00:45:12,377 --> 00:45:13,711
My driver had an accident.
1157
00:45:13,794 --> 00:45:15,589
But if the person
that hits us finds out
1158
00:45:15,672 --> 00:45:17,549
I was in the car,
then they will sue me.
1159
00:45:17,633 --> 00:45:19,884
He's right in front of me.
1160
00:45:19,967 --> 00:45:22,221
Not now... Not now, ma'am.
I hope your dick falls off!
1161
00:45:22,304 --> 00:45:24,389
Where's Ralph at?
Get him over here right now.
1162
00:45:24,473 --> 00:45:26,516
You know, if he wasn't
clearing a path for you,
1163
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,035
I'm sure she wouldn't
even have noticed you.
1164
00:45:28,059 --> 00:45:29,394
Is he always so bodyguardy?
1165
00:45:29,478 --> 00:45:30,728
"Bodyguardy"?
That's a word?
1166
00:45:30,811 --> 00:45:32,231
You know what I mean.
1167
00:45:32,314 --> 00:45:35,983
Jay-Z is seen walking around
by himself all the time.
1168
00:45:36,067 --> 00:45:38,362
Yeah, but Jay-Z's got
a fucking gun, okay.
1169
00:45:38,445 --> 00:45:39,987
That's Silk. That's my boy.
1170
00:45:40,071 --> 00:45:42,007
We've been together for,
you know, since third grade.
1171
00:45:42,031 --> 00:45:43,032
He's seen a lot.
1172
00:45:45,452 --> 00:45:46,953
You think it's a game?
1173
00:45:47,036 --> 00:45:49,414
I'll kill you, motherfucker!
You think it's a game?
1174
00:45:52,709 --> 00:45:54,711
I'm not talking
about firing him.
1175
00:45:54,794 --> 00:45:56,630
I'm just saying,
this is New York,
1176
00:45:56,713 --> 00:45:58,839
and only people
who wanna get paparazzi
1177
00:45:58,923 --> 00:46:00,550
roll with their
bodyguard all the time.
1178
00:46:00,634 --> 00:46:02,487
But if you're too scared
to talk to me one-on-one
1179
00:46:02,511 --> 00:46:04,804
without your bodyguard, your
little security blanket,
1180
00:46:04,887 --> 00:46:06,390
I completely understand.
1181
00:46:06,473 --> 00:46:07,932
Hold on a second.
1182
00:46:08,015 --> 00:46:09,183
Okay, I got a new car coming.
1183
00:46:09,268 --> 00:46:10,620
It's gonna be
about an hour, though.
1184
00:46:10,644 --> 00:46:12,525
We should hop on a cab
and head back over to XM,
1185
00:46:12,562 --> 00:46:14,457
and finish up all our
West Coast satellite stuff.
1186
00:46:14,481 --> 00:46:16,023
You know what?
1187
00:46:16,107 --> 00:46:17,484
I'm good.
1188
00:46:17,567 --> 00:46:19,295
Just... Just meet me over
at the junket, all right?
1189
00:46:19,319 --> 00:46:20,487
What do you mean you're good?
1190
00:46:20,570 --> 00:46:21,988
Hey, Brad. It's me, um...
1191
00:46:22,071 --> 00:46:23,197
I'm gonna walk.
1192
00:46:23,282 --> 00:46:24,491
Outside?
1193
00:46:24,991 --> 00:46:27,076
Yeah.
1194
00:46:27,159 --> 00:46:29,829
It's a rough neighborhood, you're
gonna walk around by yourself?
1195
00:46:29,912 --> 00:46:31,581
You got an interview
in 20 minutes.
1196
00:46:31,665 --> 00:46:34,208
Hey, man, I'm good. Just text
me the information, okay?
1197
00:46:35,544 --> 00:46:38,045
You sure?
Yeah, I'm sure. I'm good.
1198
00:46:38,129 --> 00:46:41,132
It's supposed to rain.
I got an umbrella right here.
1199
00:46:41,215 --> 00:46:42,592
I'm all right, man.
1200
00:46:42,676 --> 00:46:44,111
Silk, don't act
like you don't know me.
1201
00:46:44,135 --> 00:46:45,679
If you need me, text me!
I'll text you!
1202
00:46:45,762 --> 00:46:48,180
- What's up?
- It's Angie.
1203
00:46:48,264 --> 00:46:50,933
He's scared I'm gonna need him.
1204
00:46:51,017 --> 00:46:54,313
No. He's scared you're
not going to need him.
1205
00:46:54,396 --> 00:46:56,436
It's staring you
right in the face, all right.
1206
00:46:56,481 --> 00:46:59,859
Every Planet of the Apes movie
is about race. Every one.
1207
00:46:59,942 --> 00:47:01,296
Okay,
I'm assuming you're talking
1208
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:03,988
about the trilogy that starts
off with Charlton Heston
1209
00:47:04,071 --> 00:47:07,033
frolicking naked
with a black astronaut.
1210
00:47:07,116 --> 00:47:09,745
That typical sci-fi movie
that's about the future
1211
00:47:09,827 --> 00:47:12,121
and about how the human race
is out of control.
1212
00:47:12,204 --> 00:47:13,725
Yeah, it's about race,
but the human race.
1213
00:47:13,749 --> 00:47:15,417
No, no, no. It's about
the white man's
1214
00:47:15,500 --> 00:47:16,917
fear of a black planet.
1215
00:47:17,001 --> 00:47:18,670
The darker apes
are bigger and stronger.
1216
00:47:18,754 --> 00:47:21,297
The lighter apes are smarter.
That's racist bullshit.
1217
00:47:21,381 --> 00:47:23,550
Do you realize that the
original P lanet of the Apes
1218
00:47:23,633 --> 00:47:26,260
came out on April 3, 1968?
1219
00:47:26,345 --> 00:47:28,638
Now, we both know
what happened the next day.
1220
00:47:28,722 --> 00:47:30,640
Martin Luther King was killed.
1221
00:47:42,527 --> 00:47:44,738
Why don't you just jump in?
1222
00:47:44,821 --> 00:47:46,615
You're telling me that
James Earl Ray
1223
00:47:46,698 --> 00:47:48,367
saw Planet of the Apes
1224
00:47:48,450 --> 00:47:49,968
and decided to shoot
Martin Luther King?
1225
00:47:49,992 --> 00:47:51,118
Perhaps.
1226
00:47:51,202 --> 00:47:53,413
It wasn't the fact that
he was organizing
1227
00:47:53,497 --> 00:47:55,015
the Poor People's March
on Washington...
1228
00:47:55,039 --> 00:47:56,708
That, too.
Or criticizing
1229
00:47:56,792 --> 00:47:58,334
the war or our foreign policy.
1230
00:47:58,418 --> 00:48:01,630
What got him shot
was talking apes!
1231
00:48:01,713 --> 00:48:03,297
Go, Hammy! Go, Hammy!
1232
00:48:03,382 --> 00:48:04,800
Go in!
1233
00:48:07,552 --> 00:48:08,969
Jump in already!
1234
00:48:09,053 --> 00:48:11,180
What I'm saying is,
it's not a coincidence
1235
00:48:11,263 --> 00:48:13,558
that a movie about niggas
taking over the world
1236
00:48:13,642 --> 00:48:15,727
comes out the day before
the most powerful
1237
00:48:15,811 --> 00:48:18,187
black man on earth
is assassinated.
1238
00:48:18,270 --> 00:48:19,689
It's not a coincidence.
It's not.
1239
00:48:19,773 --> 00:48:22,024
You actually believe that.
1240
00:48:22,108 --> 00:48:24,486
Okay, you know what?
I will give it to you.
1241
00:48:24,569 --> 00:48:26,880
There are some subliminal messages
in that movie. Yes, there are.
1242
00:48:26,904 --> 00:48:29,907
But you know what?
It's just a movie.
1243
00:48:29,990 --> 00:48:31,701
It's never...
It's never just a movie.
1244
00:48:31,785 --> 00:48:33,053
Yes, sometimes
it's just a movie.
1245
00:48:33,077 --> 00:48:35,162
It's never just a song!
It's never just a book.
1246
00:48:35,246 --> 00:48:37,331
I don't care what
Michelle Obama says.
1247
00:48:37,416 --> 00:48:38,834
I'm like, fry or die.
1248
00:48:40,334 --> 00:48:41,503
Give me some fries.
1249
00:48:41,586 --> 00:48:42,605
I thought you didn't want none.
1250
00:48:42,629 --> 00:48:44,004
Fry or die.
1251
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:51,638
Now, do you always keep
hot sauce in your bag?
1252
00:48:51,721 --> 00:48:53,682
Yeah, I like my shit hot.
1253
00:48:53,765 --> 00:48:55,767
In my apartment, I keep a bottle
1254
00:48:55,851 --> 00:48:57,561
in every room,
like smoke detectors.
1255
00:48:57,644 --> 00:49:01,105
Hammy! Hammy!
Hammy! Hammy!
1256
00:49:01,188 --> 00:49:02,732
Jump in already!
1257
00:49:02,816 --> 00:49:04,191
Come on, hurry up!
1258
00:49:05,317 --> 00:49:06,317
Hey!
1259
00:49:10,990 --> 00:49:12,158
Bill Murray?
1260
00:49:12,241 --> 00:49:13,993
Bill Murray's like,
1261
00:49:14,076 --> 00:49:16,538
you know, perhaps top three
1262
00:49:16,621 --> 00:49:19,081
funniest human beings
to ever walk the earth.
1263
00:49:19,165 --> 00:49:21,626
And the guy you most likely
want to hang out with
1264
00:49:21,710 --> 00:49:23,712
and drop his name, like,
"Yeah, I know Bill Murray.
1265
00:49:23,795 --> 00:49:25,397
"I was just talking to
Bill Murray the other day."
1266
00:49:25,421 --> 00:49:27,423
Charlie Chaplin?
Charlie Chaplin.
1267
00:49:27,507 --> 00:49:29,843
He started this shit.
He's the KRS-One of comedy.
1268
00:49:31,260 --> 00:49:32,344
The KRS-One.
1269
00:49:32,428 --> 00:49:34,346
He's the Grandmaster
Flash of ha-ha.
1270
00:49:34,430 --> 00:49:35,741
I don't think people
actually read Capote.
1271
00:49:35,765 --> 00:49:37,033
That's one of my tests
to people.
1272
00:49:37,057 --> 00:49:38,810
I say that and they're
like, "Oh, yeah,
1273
00:49:38,894 --> 00:49:41,437
"you know, I really loved
Breakfast at Tiffany's."
1274
00:49:41,521 --> 00:49:43,601
And I'm like, "You haven't
read Truman Capote. Stop."
1275
00:49:43,648 --> 00:49:45,775
Bill Cosby is
the greatest storyteller.
1276
00:49:45,859 --> 00:49:47,127
Richard Pryor?
Richard Pryor is like
1277
00:49:47,151 --> 00:49:48,487
the most honest human being.
1278
00:49:48,570 --> 00:49:50,822
Even Jesus didn't tell
his followers everything.
1279
00:49:51,447 --> 00:49:52,699
Like Rich...
1280
00:49:52,782 --> 00:49:56,285
Eddie Murphy. I once saw
Murphy and Michael Jackson
1281
00:49:56,368 --> 00:49:58,162
within two months of each other,
1282
00:49:58,245 --> 00:49:59,623
and Eddie was better.
1283
00:49:59,706 --> 00:50:01,373
Love in the Time of Cholera.
Yes, yes.
1284
00:50:01,457 --> 00:50:04,460
And he says, "Too much love is as
bad for this as no love at all."
1285
00:50:04,544 --> 00:50:05,837
That kind of broke my heart.
1286
00:50:05,921 --> 00:50:08,507
Yeah, I mean, it's hard to
fuck somebody on a pedestal.
1287
00:50:24,523 --> 00:50:26,190
- Beautiful. Taraji!
- Andre!
1288
00:50:26,273 --> 00:50:27,441
Gabby, over here!
1289
00:50:27,526 --> 00:50:29,085
- This way, Gabby!
- Hammy, this way!
1290
00:50:29,109 --> 00:50:30,779
Andre, over to the right.
1291
00:50:30,862 --> 00:50:32,488
Big smile, Gabby.
1292
00:50:33,949 --> 00:50:35,449
Married.
1293
00:50:38,202 --> 00:50:40,580
You're getting married, huh?
1294
00:50:40,664 --> 00:50:42,039
You couldn't tell me?
1295
00:50:43,290 --> 00:50:45,001
Can I get you two to smile?
1296
00:50:45,084 --> 00:50:46,836
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
1297
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:48,212
Taraji, this way.
1298
00:50:51,967 --> 00:50:55,052
How can you keep
your private life
1299
00:50:55,135 --> 00:50:57,263
separate from your public life
1300
00:50:57,346 --> 00:50:59,473
when you're going through
something this weekend
1301
00:50:59,558 --> 00:51:00,684
which combines the two?
1302
00:51:00,767 --> 00:51:02,769
Your upcoming marriage
1303
00:51:02,852 --> 00:51:05,730
is getting more press
than this movie.
1304
00:51:05,814 --> 00:51:07,816
I mean, I'm watching,
like, television...
1305
00:51:07,899 --> 00:51:09,139
Everybody's talking about that.
1306
00:51:09,191 --> 00:51:10,252
Nobody's talking about this.
1307
00:51:10,276 --> 00:51:11,653
Can we talk about the movie?
1308
00:51:11,736 --> 00:51:13,863
What kind of ratings do
you think you're gonna get?
1309
00:51:13,947 --> 00:51:15,215
I was hoping for
a little more comedy.
1310
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:17,366
Okay, you got two minutes,
everybody. Two minutes.
1311
00:51:17,449 --> 00:51:18,970
Do you think they
only wanna see you...
1312
00:51:19,035 --> 00:51:20,369
You maybe stereotyped yourself
1313
00:51:20,452 --> 00:51:21,621
and, you know,
1314
00:51:21,705 --> 00:51:23,558
that people don't wanna
accept you in a serious role?
1315
00:51:23,582 --> 00:51:24,749
We want to see you funny.
1316
00:51:25,499 --> 00:51:26,960
I already told you.
1317
00:51:27,043 --> 00:51:28,436
I ain't got time
for your bullshit, Silk.
1318
00:51:28,460 --> 00:51:29,838
I'm seeing somebody.
1319
00:51:29,921 --> 00:51:32,966
Hey, no problem. Come on.
1320
00:51:33,049 --> 00:51:34,884
If you don't get
the fuck out my face...
1321
00:51:38,013 --> 00:51:39,333
How do you think it went?
1322
00:51:40,222 --> 00:51:41,808
The press was
all over the place.
1323
00:51:41,891 --> 00:51:43,035
I'm just glad they showed up.
1324
00:51:43,059 --> 00:51:44,560
I mean, honestly,
1325
00:51:44,644 --> 00:51:46,204
the most important thing
right now is that
1326
00:51:46,228 --> 00:51:47,772
people come out
and see the movie.
1327
00:51:47,856 --> 00:51:49,332
You mean, the most
important thing isn't
1328
00:51:49,356 --> 00:51:50,542
the "Wedding Spectacular
Spectacular"?
1329
00:51:50,566 --> 00:51:52,611
I did not say that.
1330
00:51:52,694 --> 00:51:54,005
Okay, so you don't
wanna be funny.
1331
00:51:54,029 --> 00:51:55,362
Excuse me.
1332
00:51:55,446 --> 00:51:57,090
So, you don't wanna make
funny movies anymore.
1333
00:51:57,114 --> 00:51:58,407
Mmm-mmm.
1334
00:51:58,490 --> 00:52:00,744
And they don't want to take
your "serious" seriously.
1335
00:52:00,827 --> 00:52:02,161
I'm sorry.
1336
00:52:02,244 --> 00:52:05,331
So why not embrace
the wedding spectacle?
1337
00:52:06,082 --> 00:52:07,917
I'm a guy, come on.
1338
00:52:08,001 --> 00:52:09,878
I didn't grow up
dreaming of a wedding.
1339
00:52:09,961 --> 00:52:11,128
There's no Grooms magazine.
1340
00:52:11,211 --> 00:52:12,756
They don't have
a groomal registry.
1341
00:52:12,839 --> 00:52:14,590
Weddings aren't for guys.
1342
00:52:14,674 --> 00:52:15,549
I'm not talking about guys.
1343
00:52:15,634 --> 00:52:17,093
I'm talking about you.
1344
00:52:17,176 --> 00:52:19,345
Why don't you embrace it?
1345
00:52:19,428 --> 00:52:21,389
If you hate it so much,
why are you even doing it?
1346
00:52:22,932 --> 00:52:24,059
Erica helped me get clean.
1347
00:52:30,147 --> 00:52:31,440
I don't have time for this, Dre.
1348
00:52:33,192 --> 00:52:34,694
I'm not gonna be your audience.
1349
00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:38,907
"I'm not gonna be
your audience"?
1350
00:52:38,990 --> 00:52:40,825
Audience to my bullshit.
1351
00:52:42,576 --> 00:52:43,763
If you don't have an audience,
1352
00:52:43,787 --> 00:52:44,868
it's hard to put on a show.
1353
00:52:46,455 --> 00:52:47,539
Brad?
1354
00:52:47,623 --> 00:52:48,833
Hey.
1355
00:52:48,917 --> 00:52:50,459
Hey.
1356
00:52:50,542 --> 00:52:52,796
Happy birthday. Oh, my God.
Thank you.
1357
00:52:54,421 --> 00:52:56,149
How are you?
I tried calling you all day.
1358
00:52:56,173 --> 00:52:58,069
I was so worried. Yeah, yeah...
No, I'm fine, I'm fine.
1359
00:52:58,093 --> 00:53:00,636
Uh, I was just in meetings.
Oh, hey, Andre Allen!
1360
00:53:00,720 --> 00:53:02,513
Hey! White Brad!
1361
00:53:02,596 --> 00:53:03,682
Happy birthday.
1362
00:53:03,765 --> 00:53:04,766
Thank you, man.
1363
00:53:04,849 --> 00:53:06,308
I cannot wait to see the movie.
1364
00:53:06,392 --> 00:53:08,602
I'm so glad somebody's finally
telling Boukman's story.
1365
00:53:08,687 --> 00:53:10,730
I mean, no one talks about
the Maroon slaves.
1366
00:53:10,814 --> 00:53:12,606
I know, they're so overlooked.
1367
00:53:12,691 --> 00:53:14,191
It's crazy.
It's crazy.
1368
00:53:14,274 --> 00:53:17,361
Okay, so what have you
been doing all day?
1369
00:53:17,444 --> 00:53:18,612
Well, it's my birthday.
1370
00:53:18,697 --> 00:53:20,097
You know,
I've been treating myself.
1371
00:53:20,156 --> 00:53:22,158
Uh, went uptown,
did a little shopping,
1372
00:53:22,241 --> 00:53:23,492
didn't find anything.
1373
00:53:23,575 --> 00:53:25,619
What are you doing here?
1374
00:53:25,704 --> 00:53:27,956
I just was, like,
going to check out
1375
00:53:28,039 --> 00:53:29,349
the gift shop.
'Cause you never know...
1376
00:53:29,373 --> 00:53:30,373
Is that Ryan?
1377
00:53:31,291 --> 00:53:32,836
Yeah, Ryan's here.
1378
00:53:32,919 --> 00:53:33,962
Hey, Ryan!
1379
00:53:34,045 --> 00:53:36,296
Ryan, look who I ran into.
1380
00:53:36,380 --> 00:53:38,507
Hey, Chelsea.
How's it going, guys?
1381
00:53:38,590 --> 00:53:40,009
Um...
1382
00:53:40,093 --> 00:53:41,845
I'm also here because Ryan,
1383
00:53:41,928 --> 00:53:44,346
uh, was just showing me
the lounge here
1384
00:53:44,430 --> 00:53:46,432
because he knows
the manager of the hotel
1385
00:53:46,515 --> 00:53:49,435
and he's thinking maybe I could
be spinning here soon, so...
1386
00:53:49,518 --> 00:53:51,645
And that's why
you couldn't contact me?
1387
00:53:51,730 --> 00:53:56,233
My phone is, like,
going nuts lately.
1388
00:53:56,316 --> 00:53:58,237
I don't know what's going on.
I'm changing plans.
1389
00:54:00,279 --> 00:54:02,198
Is he wearing the shirt
that I bought you?
1390
00:54:02,991 --> 00:54:04,993
I have to go.
1391
00:54:07,327 --> 00:54:08,596
Look, I was gonna
call you, okay?
1392
00:54:08,620 --> 00:54:10,790
How much longer are you guys
gonna be doing this thing?
1393
00:54:12,416 --> 00:54:14,210
I think you should go after him.
1394
00:54:39,027 --> 00:54:40,694
Look, it's Hammy!
1395
00:54:47,911 --> 00:54:49,411
Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
1396
00:54:50,121 --> 00:54:51,371
Hey, you okay?
1397
00:54:52,664 --> 00:54:54,291
Yeah. No.
1398
00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:56,376
I'm...
1399
00:54:56,460 --> 00:54:59,588
I'm going to call my sponsor, okay?
I'm sorry.
1400
00:54:59,671 --> 00:55:01,423
Just because he had a room key
1401
00:55:01,507 --> 00:55:03,885
and was wearing a shirt
you bought Brad,
1402
00:55:03,968 --> 00:55:05,804
that doesn't mean anything.
1403
00:55:05,887 --> 00:55:07,679
I mean, guys trade
clothes in hotel rooms
1404
00:55:07,763 --> 00:55:09,640
all the time.
1405
00:55:09,723 --> 00:55:11,642
Maybe it was chilly,
you know what I mean?
1406
00:55:11,725 --> 00:55:12,953
Maybe they called up
each other...
1407
00:55:12,977 --> 00:55:14,770
"Hey, man,
I'm freezing."
1408
00:55:14,854 --> 00:55:17,232
"Uh, me, too. Why don't
you meet me at a hotel
1409
00:55:17,314 --> 00:55:19,234
"so we can switch clothes?"
1410
00:55:19,316 --> 00:55:21,277
Shh. Kelly? Can I...
1411
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:23,988
I need to talk to you.
Please. Thank you.
1412
00:55:25,907 --> 00:55:27,283
Great.
1413
00:55:27,366 --> 00:55:28,952
I can say I've dated every race,
1414
00:55:29,035 --> 00:55:30,369
and now I've dated gay.
1415
00:55:31,204 --> 00:55:32,663
Asian?
1416
00:55:32,746 --> 00:55:33,957
Yes, Asian.
1417
00:55:35,124 --> 00:55:37,376
Karate Asian or nerdy Asian?
1418
00:55:37,459 --> 00:55:39,838
Asian-Asian. You know,
there's a billion Chinese.
1419
00:55:39,921 --> 00:55:41,881
I think it's proven
that their dicks work.
1420
00:55:41,965 --> 00:55:43,549
Yeah.
1421
00:55:43,632 --> 00:55:45,676
I've dated married.
I've had a girlfriend.
1422
00:55:46,426 --> 00:55:47,971
Two girlfriends.
1423
00:55:48,054 --> 00:55:50,181
Okay, so you can go
all k.d. lang,
1424
00:55:50,265 --> 00:55:52,683
but if he's with one guy,
he's gay.
1425
00:55:52,766 --> 00:55:54,286
Whatever, I don't make up
the rules. Who cares?
1426
00:55:54,310 --> 00:55:56,353
It's not about that.
That's not the point.
1427
00:55:56,436 --> 00:55:59,648
You know, stuff like this
doesn't come out of the blue.
1428
00:55:59,731 --> 00:56:01,692
There must have been
some sort of sign.
1429
00:56:02,609 --> 00:56:03,903
I'm not gonna tell you.
1430
00:56:03,987 --> 00:56:06,155
Come on, tell me something.
I'm not telling you.
1431
00:56:06,239 --> 00:56:09,033
Come on, Teen Mom.
Let it out.
1432
00:56:13,829 --> 00:56:15,915
Okay, so we had
a normal sex life.
1433
00:56:21,170 --> 00:56:23,839
Then one day, out of the blue...
1434
00:56:23,923 --> 00:56:25,424
Put a finger in my ass.
1435
00:56:25,549 --> 00:56:26,944
You know,
I'd never done that before.
1436
00:56:26,968 --> 00:56:28,719
I didn't want to do it.
Like, this was not
1437
00:56:28,802 --> 00:56:30,530
my thing, and luckily, no
one had ever asked me before,
1438
00:56:30,554 --> 00:56:31,635
so it never really came up.
1439
00:56:32,223 --> 00:56:33,975
But he asked me.
1440
00:56:34,058 --> 00:56:36,352
And then my grandmamma
popped into my brain.
1441
00:56:43,067 --> 00:56:45,028
I like your grandma.
1442
00:56:45,111 --> 00:56:47,696
So I did it and he liked it.
1443
00:56:50,325 --> 00:56:52,285
Oh, yes. That's it.
1444
00:56:52,368 --> 00:56:54,329
Like that?
Yeah, yeah.
1445
00:56:54,411 --> 00:56:55,555
In a weird way, I was happy
1446
00:56:55,579 --> 00:56:57,290
to be doing something he liked.
1447
00:56:57,373 --> 00:56:59,458
But then he wanted it
all the time. Everywhere.
1448
00:57:00,251 --> 00:57:01,543
On a plane.
1449
00:57:01,627 --> 00:57:03,254
Go another knuck.
Knuck it up, girl.
1450
00:57:03,338 --> 00:57:04,880
- Knuck it up.
- Yeah? Yeah?
1451
00:57:08,927 --> 00:57:10,345
At my friend's party.
1452
00:57:10,427 --> 00:57:12,471
Yes, yes, yes!
1453
00:57:12,554 --> 00:57:15,682
What's my motherfuckin' name?
Jigga!
1454
00:57:17,310 --> 00:57:19,062
Pretty soon,
that's all he wanted.
1455
00:57:19,145 --> 00:57:20,562
So one night,
we're at dinner with
1456
00:57:20,646 --> 00:57:22,814
Ryan and his "girlfriend."
1457
00:57:22,898 --> 00:57:24,626
So, Chels, you've been
looking for a place, right?
1458
00:57:24,650 --> 00:57:25,877
What's been going on with that?
1459
00:57:25,901 --> 00:57:28,154
Yeah. I'd like to buy
a house, you know,
1460
00:57:28,237 --> 00:57:30,406
but everything's
still so expensive.
1461
00:57:30,489 --> 00:57:32,325
I thought the market was down.
1462
00:57:32,408 --> 00:57:33,993
Babe, are you kidding?
1463
00:57:34,077 --> 00:57:35,869
With your credit,
you couldn't get a loan
1464
00:57:35,954 --> 00:57:37,537
if Bill Gates cosigned it.
1465
00:57:39,290 --> 00:57:40,333
Good one!
1466
00:57:41,792 --> 00:57:44,586
Hey, Alexa, how's your place
down in Costa Rica doing?
1467
00:57:44,670 --> 00:57:46,755
Wait a second. You got
a place in Costa Rica?
1468
00:57:46,838 --> 00:57:48,174
I felt completely humiliated,
1469
00:57:48,257 --> 00:57:49,692
but it was, you know,
just let it go.
1470
00:57:49,716 --> 00:57:51,819
It's not a big deal. You
know, you're bigger than that.
1471
00:57:51,843 --> 00:57:53,054
You got a babysitter.
1472
00:57:53,137 --> 00:57:54,857
We can have make-up sex.
It's gonna be fine.
1473
00:58:03,647 --> 00:58:04,773
Oh.
1474
00:58:07,734 --> 00:58:09,362
What? What?
1475
00:58:09,445 --> 00:58:10,989
I have to go to the bathroom.
1476
00:58:11,072 --> 00:58:13,324
Okay. All right,
go, go, go. Go.
1477
00:58:23,709 --> 00:58:26,878
I think it's dance
night, baby. You ready?
1478
00:58:29,173 --> 00:58:30,590
You know I am.
1479
00:58:32,343 --> 00:58:33,844
Come give Papa what he needs.
1480
00:58:36,097 --> 00:58:38,307
I looked at his ass,
just stuck up in the air.
1481
00:58:38,391 --> 00:58:40,559
And I thought about what he did.
1482
00:58:41,477 --> 00:58:42,644
Good one!
1483
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:50,069
If Bill Gates cosigned you.
1484
00:58:50,153 --> 00:58:52,696
I don't know,
something just snapped.
1485
00:58:54,823 --> 00:58:57,826
I reached into my purse
and pulled out a tampon.
1486
00:58:57,909 --> 00:58:59,149
Then I pulled out my hot sauce.
1487
00:58:59,578 --> 00:59:00,579
No, no!
1488
00:59:01,747 --> 00:59:02,914
Don't say it!
1489
00:59:03,790 --> 00:59:05,043
And I...
1490
00:59:05,126 --> 00:59:06,252
Don't say it!
1491
00:59:06,335 --> 00:59:07,479
I shoved it up his ass.
1492
00:59:07,503 --> 00:59:08,879
Oh!
1493
00:59:10,131 --> 00:59:11,548
What is that?
1494
00:59:15,303 --> 00:59:16,304
Yup.
1495
00:59:16,387 --> 00:59:18,597
Why? Why?
1496
00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:20,015
Why are you doing this to me?
1497
00:59:20,099 --> 00:59:21,558
Take it out of here now!
1498
00:59:21,641 --> 00:59:23,894
Hey, smartass, I don't
hear you laughing now!
1499
00:59:30,151 --> 00:59:31,860
He's such an asshole!
1500
00:59:33,529 --> 00:59:34,863
What are we doing?
1501
00:59:51,130 --> 00:59:53,132
You know,
Grace really loves him.
1502
00:59:53,216 --> 00:59:54,467
Like, a lot.
1503
00:59:55,675 --> 00:59:57,512
And then he's just
gonna be gone.
1504
01:00:01,099 --> 01:00:03,058
What am I supposed to tell her?
1505
01:00:03,142 --> 01:00:05,478
Just tell her the truth.
1506
01:00:05,561 --> 01:00:06,978
I mean, you don't
want her to think
1507
01:00:07,062 --> 01:00:09,273
she's supposed to
stay with some guy
1508
01:00:09,357 --> 01:00:11,066
out of some false
sense of obligation.
1509
01:00:12,193 --> 01:00:14,529
She's gonna see
her mom fall down
1510
01:00:14,611 --> 01:00:15,713
and then she's gonna see her mom
1511
01:00:15,737 --> 01:00:17,573
pick herself back up.
1512
01:00:17,656 --> 01:00:20,535
No, what she's going
to see is her mom
1513
01:00:20,617 --> 01:00:23,162
having paraded yet another
dude through the house
1514
01:00:23,246 --> 01:00:24,288
who's a loser!
1515
01:00:33,797 --> 01:00:36,551
Oh, my God.
My favorite.
1516
01:00:36,633 --> 01:00:37,884
My favorite.
1517
01:00:43,307 --> 01:00:45,767
You're right.
1518
01:00:45,851 --> 01:00:49,272
I'm just going to have to
start the process again
1519
01:00:49,355 --> 01:00:50,897
of vetting another dick.
1520
01:00:52,774 --> 01:00:54,043
You're not gonna
have a hard time
1521
01:00:54,067 --> 01:00:55,694
meeting anybody, come on.
1522
01:00:55,777 --> 01:00:57,821
I mean, you're smart,
you're beautiful.
1523
01:00:57,904 --> 01:00:59,825
I'm really not fishing
for compliments right now.
1524
01:00:59,906 --> 01:01:01,325
No, no. I'm serious.
1525
01:01:01,908 --> 01:01:03,076
I am, too.
1526
01:01:03,161 --> 01:01:04,579
You're beautiful.
1527
01:01:05,704 --> 01:01:06,872
You know that, right?
1528
01:01:08,957 --> 01:01:10,543
Can we get out of here?
1529
01:01:16,131 --> 01:01:18,593
What happened after that?
1530
01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:20,760
What, you just went
to brunch after that?
1531
01:01:20,844 --> 01:01:22,804
Yes, as a matter of fact.
1532
01:01:22,888 --> 01:01:24,723
We didn't even talk about it.
1533
01:01:24,806 --> 01:01:25,908
I thought we were breaking up,
1534
01:01:25,932 --> 01:01:27,684
but apparently not, you know.
1535
01:01:27,767 --> 01:01:29,204
And that's why I've been
feeling so guilty,
1536
01:01:29,228 --> 01:01:30,497
and texting him
and calling him all day
1537
01:01:30,521 --> 01:01:32,249
and trying to figure out
what to do with his birthday.
1538
01:01:32,273 --> 01:01:34,149
Oh, come on, he's not
gonna break up over that.
1539
01:01:34,233 --> 01:01:36,611
Why not? 'Cause what's he
supposed to tell people?
1540
01:01:36,693 --> 01:01:38,529
"Yeah, we broke up
'cause my girlfriend
1541
01:01:38,613 --> 01:01:40,780
"shoved a red hot
chili pepper up my ass."
1542
01:01:40,864 --> 01:01:43,158
No, no, no. He's gonna
wait to do something like
1543
01:01:43,242 --> 01:01:45,076
cheat on you or hit you.
1544
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:46,762
You know, like, a nice
respectable break-up.
1545
01:01:46,786 --> 01:01:48,955
Hit me? Hit me?
Not...
1546
01:01:49,039 --> 01:01:51,417
Something respectable like
cheat on me or hit me.
1547
01:01:51,500 --> 01:01:52,768
So basically,
what you're saying is that
1548
01:01:52,792 --> 01:01:54,085
you're taking his side.
Awesome.
1549
01:01:54,169 --> 01:01:55,712
I'm not taking his side.
I mean...
1550
01:01:55,795 --> 01:01:57,548
Clearly you are.
Come on. Come on.
1551
01:01:57,632 --> 01:01:58,757
You're saying it's my fault.
1552
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:00,635
I can't believe
you didn't see this shit.
1553
01:02:00,717 --> 01:02:02,511
I mean, he was wrong, okay?
He was wrong.
1554
01:02:02,595 --> 01:02:05,138
But he wasn't burning-ass wrong.
1555
01:02:05,223 --> 01:02:08,058
See, that's why I
didn't want to tell you.
1556
01:02:08,141 --> 01:02:10,561
I open up to you
and you laugh at me.
1557
01:02:10,645 --> 01:02:12,647
It's funny.
It's not funny!
1558
01:02:12,729 --> 01:02:14,440
What's funny about
being cheated on?
1559
01:02:14,523 --> 01:02:15,958
Oh, come on. If you
think this is just
1560
01:02:15,982 --> 01:02:19,362
about cheating, then you're very naive.
1561
01:02:19,445 --> 01:02:23,031
Naive? I'm naive? Wow.
1562
01:02:23,114 --> 01:02:26,743
Mr. "Oh, the network
picks out my rings."
1563
01:02:26,826 --> 01:02:29,871
Mr. "Oh, I owe
somebody a wedding."
1564
01:02:29,955 --> 01:02:30,997
I'm naive?
1565
01:02:31,081 --> 01:02:33,459
Oh, okay, first of all,
you don't know me...
1566
01:02:33,542 --> 01:02:34,834
You know "naive" well.
1567
01:02:34,918 --> 01:02:37,879
Miss "I used my boyfriend's
ass as a hand puppet."
1568
01:02:37,963 --> 01:02:39,130
Yeah, yeah.
1569
01:02:39,214 --> 01:02:41,049
I don't need to know you
1570
01:02:41,132 --> 01:02:42,402
to know that something is wrong.
1571
01:02:42,426 --> 01:02:44,262
Why do you even care, okay?
1572
01:02:44,345 --> 01:02:46,221
Why don't you care?
1573
01:02:46,305 --> 01:02:47,723
Can we just talk about my movie?
1574
01:02:48,599 --> 01:02:50,767
Fuck your shitty movie!
1575
01:03:10,496 --> 01:03:12,122
We should stop.
1576
01:03:12,205 --> 01:03:13,684
What the fuck are we doing?
1577
01:03:16,419 --> 01:03:17,836
We gotta get out of here.
1578
01:03:18,086 --> 01:03:19,380
Yes.
1579
01:03:20,339 --> 01:03:22,924
But first...
What?
1580
01:03:23,008 --> 01:03:25,218
You gotta get your hands
out my pants.
1581
01:03:25,303 --> 01:03:27,596
You gotta get your hands
out of my pants.
1582
01:03:27,680 --> 01:03:29,222
You first.
You first.
1583
01:03:31,099 --> 01:03:32,476
Okay, on three.
1584
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:34,227
Okay. At the same time.
1585
01:03:34,312 --> 01:03:35,688
Same time.
Okay.
1586
01:03:35,771 --> 01:03:37,606
Same time, motherfucker.
1587
01:03:37,690 --> 01:03:39,024
One,
1588
01:03:39,525 --> 01:03:40,735
two,
1589
01:03:42,653 --> 01:03:43,779
three.
1590
01:03:47,157 --> 01:03:48,074
Ooh.
1591
01:03:48,158 --> 01:03:49,744
Goddamn.
1592
01:03:53,163 --> 01:03:55,290
Okay. Uh...
1593
01:04:00,086 --> 01:04:01,921
We should get out of here?
1594
01:04:02,839 --> 01:04:06,217
Um, yeah, yeah,
but you go first.
1595
01:04:06,301 --> 01:04:08,804
We can't get out of here
at the same time.
1596
01:04:10,598 --> 01:04:11,766
Okay, I mean, you know...
1597
01:04:13,224 --> 01:04:15,644
Remember,
nothing happened, right?
1598
01:04:15,728 --> 01:04:17,248
Yeah, like, just
because we didn't fuck
1599
01:04:17,312 --> 01:04:18,831
it doesn't mean that
we didn't fuck around.
1600
01:04:18,855 --> 01:04:20,899
So you go first
and then I'll come out
1601
01:04:20,982 --> 01:04:24,069
in a couple seconds.
A couple minutes.
1602
01:04:24,152 --> 01:04:26,739
Okay, so I'm going
to get out of here.
1603
01:04:26,822 --> 01:04:28,239
Okay. I gotta make
a call anyway.
1604
01:04:30,325 --> 01:04:31,786
Shit, my phone's dead.
1605
01:04:31,868 --> 01:04:33,412
I gotta call fucking London.
1606
01:04:33,912 --> 01:04:34,996
Um...
1607
01:04:35,706 --> 01:04:36,915
Here, use mine.
1608
01:04:37,916 --> 01:04:38,917
Okay.
1609
01:04:42,087 --> 01:04:43,631
Code, 1999.
1610
01:04:43,714 --> 01:04:45,466
Thanks.
1611
01:04:49,219 --> 01:04:50,471
Yo, yo, Silk.
1612
01:04:50,554 --> 01:04:52,013
You're Hammy the Bear!
1613
01:04:52,097 --> 01:04:55,476
Yeah, yeah, have him pick
me up at the Coffee Shop.
1614
01:04:55,559 --> 01:04:56,727
Yeah, Union Square.
1615
01:04:57,478 --> 01:04:59,145
Two iced coffees!
1616
01:05:04,150 --> 01:05:05,318
Hammy!
1617
01:05:22,711 --> 01:05:24,463
Hammy, I love you, man!
1618
01:05:45,150 --> 01:05:47,360
What the fuck?
1619
01:05:47,445 --> 01:05:50,113
Chelsea is James Nielson?
1620
01:05:50,196 --> 01:05:51,782
Why, 'cause your boy
James Nielson
1621
01:05:51,866 --> 01:05:53,408
said he wouldn't
watch my next movie
1622
01:05:53,492 --> 01:05:54,772
if it was playing
in his glasses?
1623
01:05:55,201 --> 01:05:56,244
James.
1624
01:06:04,335 --> 01:06:06,004
I love you, Andre!
1625
01:06:07,548 --> 01:06:09,424
Andre!
1626
01:06:09,508 --> 01:06:12,218
Oh, my God, it's Andre Allen!
1627
01:06:12,302 --> 01:06:13,943
When are you gonna do
another Hammy movie?
1628
01:06:16,724 --> 01:06:18,183
Your boss is looking for you.
1629
01:06:20,143 --> 01:06:21,269
Okay.
1630
01:06:24,523 --> 01:06:25,649
Are you okay?
1631
01:06:25,733 --> 01:06:26,817
Yeah, I'm fine.
1632
01:06:32,740 --> 01:06:35,116
You're James Nielson.
1633
01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:36,869
Were you going through my phone?
1634
01:06:36,952 --> 01:06:39,120
I went through your phone
looking for naked pictures.
1635
01:06:39,204 --> 01:06:40,498
That's going through my phone.
1636
01:06:40,581 --> 01:06:43,709
That's beside the point.
You're James Nielson.
1637
01:06:45,669 --> 01:06:47,505
It's not what you think.
1638
01:06:47,588 --> 01:06:50,381
You trashed me for years.
1639
01:06:50,465 --> 01:06:53,802
And then you hang around me
like you're my friend?
1640
01:06:53,886 --> 01:06:55,554
I'm sorry.
I've been wanting
1641
01:06:55,638 --> 01:06:57,156
to say something all day,
I just didn't know how.
1642
01:06:57,180 --> 01:06:59,098
Oh, shut the fuck up.
1643
01:06:59,182 --> 01:07:00,809
Now you're lying
on top of your lies.
1644
01:07:00,893 --> 01:07:03,019
I'm not lying.
You're lying.
1645
01:07:03,102 --> 01:07:05,063
I remember in one
of your reviews, you go,
1646
01:07:05,146 --> 01:07:06,982
"O.J.'s been
brought to justice.
1647
01:07:07,065 --> 01:07:09,610
"Bin Laden's been
brought to justice.
1648
01:07:09,693 --> 01:07:12,655
"When will Andre Allen
be brought to justice
1649
01:07:12,738 --> 01:07:14,990
"for his crimes
against humanity?"
1650
01:07:16,784 --> 01:07:19,118
My mother read that shit.
1651
01:07:21,705 --> 01:07:23,331
Oh, Andre Allen.
1652
01:07:26,459 --> 01:07:27,670
Andre?
1653
01:07:27,753 --> 01:07:28,921
Hammy!
1654
01:07:34,927 --> 01:07:36,011
Andre.
1655
01:07:37,470 --> 01:07:38,657
Okay, maybe I took it too far.
1656
01:07:38,681 --> 01:07:39,890
You think?
1657
01:07:40,431 --> 01:07:41,432
Yeah.
1658
01:07:42,851 --> 01:07:44,812
I was so happy 10 minutes ago.
1659
01:07:44,895 --> 01:07:46,564
Me, too.
1660
01:07:46,647 --> 01:07:48,439
You told me you were in the program.
I am.
1661
01:07:48,523 --> 01:07:49,608
You're not in the program.
1662
01:07:49,692 --> 01:07:51,484
I am. That's the truth.
1663
01:07:51,569 --> 01:07:53,028
What do they tell you
in the program?
1664
01:07:53,111 --> 01:07:55,530
What do they tell us?
"Rigorous honesty."
1665
01:07:55,614 --> 01:07:56,865
I know.
1666
01:07:56,949 --> 01:07:59,158
Rigorous fucking honesty.
I know.
1667
01:08:01,036 --> 01:08:03,664
You wanna know why I won't
make any funny movies?
1668
01:08:03,747 --> 01:08:05,123
'Cause I never did it clean.
1669
01:08:07,042 --> 01:08:08,627
Every time you
ever seen me be funny,
1670
01:08:08,711 --> 01:08:10,461
I was drunk or high, or both.
1671
01:08:10,545 --> 01:08:14,008
Every time. Every show.
I was fucked up.
1672
01:08:14,090 --> 01:08:15,884
And now people
want me to be funny.
1673
01:08:15,968 --> 01:08:18,053
And you know what?
I don't know if I can do it.
1674
01:08:20,096 --> 01:08:21,306
And I'm scared.
1675
01:08:21,932 --> 01:08:24,183
I am scared.
1676
01:08:25,728 --> 01:08:27,145
Rigorous honesty.
1677
01:08:49,584 --> 01:08:51,502
The wedding
is tracking like crazy.
1678
01:08:51,586 --> 01:08:53,005
There are no more ads to buy.
1679
01:08:53,088 --> 01:08:54,505
You sure you can't talk him
1680
01:08:54,589 --> 01:08:55,883
into doing a few more
receptions?
1681
01:08:55,966 --> 01:08:58,301
Mmm-mmm.
No, I don't think so.
1682
01:08:58,384 --> 01:08:59,887
But I'm pretty sure
I can sell him
1683
01:08:59,970 --> 01:09:01,429
on more honeymoon stuff.
1684
01:09:01,512 --> 01:09:03,932
Don't worry.
I'll get him on board.
1685
01:09:04,016 --> 01:09:05,266
How's the movie tracking?
1686
01:09:09,354 --> 01:09:10,539
So, what's the line for?
1687
01:09:10,563 --> 01:09:11,857
Boo.
1688
01:09:11,940 --> 01:09:13,108
What's that?
1689
01:09:13,191 --> 01:09:14,943
Oh, it's the new
Tyler Perry movie.
1690
01:09:15,027 --> 01:09:17,445
It's where Madea gets
trapped in a haunted house.
1691
01:09:17,528 --> 01:09:19,657
- It's doing great.
- Yo, Hammy!
1692
01:09:19,740 --> 01:09:21,616
Good for him.
So, how am I doing?
1693
01:09:33,252 --> 01:09:35,673
So how's it playing
on the other screens?
1694
01:09:35,756 --> 01:09:38,133
This is the only screen
it's playing on.
1695
01:10:00,030 --> 01:10:01,239
Stop here.
1696
01:11:10,017 --> 01:11:11,018
Yeah.
1697
01:11:20,110 --> 01:11:21,670
Hey, yo, man, you mind
if I get a picture with you
1698
01:11:21,694 --> 01:11:23,089
real quick, man? I'm a
big fan of your movies.
1699
01:11:23,113 --> 01:11:24,363
I love all of it, man.
1700
01:11:24,447 --> 01:11:26,282
Not right now, man,
not right now.
1701
01:11:28,076 --> 01:11:29,912
Come on, let me get
one picture with you.
1702
01:11:34,249 --> 01:11:35,416
Hey, what's that?
1703
01:11:44,592 --> 01:11:45,593
Hey!
1704
01:11:47,179 --> 01:11:48,554
Hammy the fucking beer?
1705
01:11:50,556 --> 01:11:51,556
Fuck you, Hammy!
1706
01:11:52,976 --> 01:11:54,602
Hammy the fucking beer?
1707
01:12:03,486 --> 01:12:04,863
No!
1708
01:12:04,947 --> 01:12:06,673
- I need you to relax.
- Get away from me!
1709
01:12:06,697 --> 01:12:09,076
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
1710
01:12:10,701 --> 01:12:11,954
Come on!
1711
01:12:19,544 --> 01:12:20,545
Hammy!
1712
01:12:21,379 --> 01:12:23,173
Wassup, Ham?
1713
01:12:23,257 --> 01:12:24,590
You saw me, man.
You heard me.
1714
01:12:24,674 --> 01:12:26,051
Hammy!
1715
01:12:26,134 --> 01:12:27,468
Hammy!
1716
01:12:27,552 --> 01:12:29,030
When he flew into a wild rage
1717
01:12:29,054 --> 01:12:30,429
at a grocery store in Manhattan.
1718
01:12:31,472 --> 01:12:33,391
Out, please.
Thank you.
1719
01:12:35,227 --> 01:12:36,727
Can we clear the room, please?
1720
01:12:36,811 --> 01:12:38,396
Quickly, thank you.
1721
01:12:38,479 --> 01:12:40,274
- Thank you.
- All right, let's go.
1722
01:12:44,945 --> 01:12:45,945
Dre?
1723
01:12:46,737 --> 01:12:49,324
Hey, hey.
1724
01:12:49,407 --> 01:12:51,952
I cannot believe
you did this to me.
1725
01:12:52,035 --> 01:12:53,369
Are you kidding me?
1726
01:12:53,452 --> 01:12:55,330
Right before our wedding?
Really?
1727
01:12:55,413 --> 01:12:59,750
It is on CNN, Fox, TMZ,
Media fucking TakeOut!
1728
01:12:59,834 --> 01:13:01,645
As soon as I get out of here,
I'm gonna come right to you.
1729
01:13:01,669 --> 01:13:03,504
No, no, no. You're
not gonna come to me.
1730
01:13:03,588 --> 01:13:05,590
You're gonna go to your
fucking bachelor party!
1731
01:13:05,673 --> 01:13:07,034
You can still
make this right, Dre.
1732
01:13:08,218 --> 01:13:10,888
I'm an alcoholic.
I'm a fucking drunk.
1733
01:13:10,971 --> 01:13:14,266
Do you really think
I need to go to a party?
1734
01:13:14,349 --> 01:13:16,059
You have to do this.
1735
01:13:16,143 --> 01:13:18,103
Did you forget
who the fuck I am?
1736
01:13:18,186 --> 01:13:20,022
I turned down Bradley Cooper!
1737
01:13:20,105 --> 01:13:22,481
Matt Kemp!
Matt fucking Kemp!
1738
01:13:22,565 --> 01:13:24,525
I could have had anybody!
1739
01:13:25,235 --> 01:13:27,154
I chose you, Dre.
1740
01:13:27,237 --> 01:13:29,990
Everybody wanted to wife
me, and I chose you.
1741
01:13:30,073 --> 01:13:31,699
Dre, what do I do?
1742
01:13:31,782 --> 01:13:34,244
Every time I see you
after we've been separated,
1743
01:13:34,328 --> 01:13:35,536
what do I do?
1744
01:13:35,620 --> 01:13:36,955
We have sex?
1745
01:13:37,039 --> 01:13:40,208
No, no, no. Not just sex.
1746
01:13:40,292 --> 01:13:42,877
After every time
we have been separated,
1747
01:13:42,961 --> 01:13:44,922
the moment I see you,
1748
01:13:45,005 --> 01:13:47,382
the second you walk
through the door,
1749
01:13:47,465 --> 01:13:49,592
I suck your dick!
Every time!
1750
01:13:49,675 --> 01:13:51,636
Do you think
I wanted to do that? Dre?
1751
01:13:52,887 --> 01:13:55,765
I didn't know you were
keeping a blowjob tab.
1752
01:13:55,848 --> 01:13:58,352
That's not what I'm saying.
What I am saying, Dre,
1753
01:13:58,434 --> 01:14:02,105
is that I sucked
your dick for us!
1754
01:14:02,189 --> 01:14:04,191
I sucked it for us
because I knew,
1755
01:14:04,274 --> 01:14:05,733
sooner or later,
1756
01:14:05,816 --> 01:14:08,320
I was gonna need you
to do something for me
1757
01:14:08,403 --> 01:14:09,904
that you didn't want to do.
1758
01:14:10,529 --> 01:14:11,822
You owe me.
1759
01:14:12,740 --> 01:14:14,825
Do you hear yourself?
1760
01:14:14,909 --> 01:14:16,577
You're addicted to this shit.
1761
01:14:18,121 --> 01:14:20,456
See, what you're
not understanding,
1762
01:14:21,333 --> 01:14:23,126
this is all I have.
1763
01:14:24,543 --> 01:14:28,173
Okay? I don't have a talent.
1764
01:14:28,256 --> 01:14:30,633
Right?
I don't sing.
1765
01:14:30,716 --> 01:14:34,012
I don't dance. I don't act.
I don't tell jokes.
1766
01:14:34,096 --> 01:14:36,056
I'm not you, Dre.
1767
01:14:38,557 --> 01:14:40,601
You have to...
You have to choose me.
1768
01:14:40,685 --> 01:14:41,894
Erica?
1769
01:14:41,979 --> 01:14:43,981
Okay? Everyone needs
to see you choose me.
1770
01:14:44,064 --> 01:14:45,773
Erica.
I am finally famous.
1771
01:14:45,856 --> 01:14:47,442
Don't ruin this for me!
1772
01:14:47,525 --> 01:14:49,361
Give me the phone.
Give me the phone.
1773
01:15:00,205 --> 01:15:02,040
Don't say nothin'.
1774
01:15:02,124 --> 01:15:04,167
Oh, look at you.
You look great.
1775
01:15:04,834 --> 01:15:05,960
Didn't I tell you?
1776
01:15:06,044 --> 01:15:07,712
These streets are dangerous.
I said it.
1777
01:15:09,588 --> 01:15:11,341
This reminds me of eighth grade.
1778
01:15:11,425 --> 01:15:13,592
We got locked up for playing hooky.
Remember that?
1779
01:15:14,677 --> 01:15:16,138
Don't say "we."
1780
01:15:17,222 --> 01:15:19,307
The cops grabbed me.
1781
01:15:19,391 --> 01:15:21,351
You let 'em catch you.
1782
01:15:21,435 --> 01:15:22,935
What was I supposed to do,
1783
01:15:23,020 --> 01:15:24,603
let you get locked up
by yourself?
1784
01:15:26,605 --> 01:15:28,442
Dre, next time
they give you one call,
1785
01:15:30,277 --> 01:15:31,610
call me.
1786
01:15:34,780 --> 01:15:36,491
Here's what you are going to do.
1787
01:15:37,700 --> 01:15:40,120
You are going to attend
your bachelor party.
1788
01:15:41,496 --> 01:15:43,224
And then you're going to
climb up on that jet
1789
01:15:43,248 --> 01:15:45,583
and you, my man,
are going to get married.
1790
01:15:46,834 --> 01:15:49,003
And then, and only then,
1791
01:15:49,087 --> 01:15:50,880
I will make sure that
your little incident
1792
01:15:50,963 --> 01:15:52,924
plays into the press
like it was part of the show.
1793
01:15:52,965 --> 01:15:54,675
I will tell the media, the cops,
1794
01:15:54,759 --> 01:15:55,843
your parole officer,
1795
01:15:55,926 --> 01:15:57,488
that we all thought
the alcohol was fake.
1796
01:15:57,512 --> 01:15:59,431
Everybody knows that
these shows aren't real.
1797
01:15:59,514 --> 01:16:01,974
But if you decide
to do something drastic,
1798
01:16:04,227 --> 01:16:05,811
you are on your own.
1799
01:16:06,771 --> 01:16:07,938
Your own.
1800
01:16:13,027 --> 01:16:14,446
It's okay.
1801
01:16:52,983 --> 01:16:56,446
Hey, young lady,
it is way past your bedtime.
1802
01:16:56,530 --> 01:16:57,696
Come on, two more minutes?
1803
01:16:57,780 --> 01:16:59,282
I got some more pigs to kill.
1804
01:16:59,366 --> 01:17:00,950
Turn off Grandma's phone.
1805
01:17:01,033 --> 01:17:02,701
It's not Grandma's.
It's mine.
1806
01:17:03,578 --> 01:17:04,579
Yours.
1807
01:17:05,663 --> 01:17:07,165
Who gave you a phone?
1808
01:17:07,249 --> 01:17:08,458
The Prince sent it.
1809
01:17:14,046 --> 01:17:15,607
I got strict orders
to have you out of here
1810
01:17:15,631 --> 01:17:17,091
in 45 minutes.
1811
01:17:17,175 --> 01:17:18,676
Sorry about the movie.
1812
01:17:18,759 --> 01:17:21,053
There's always word of mouth.
It could still be a hit!
1813
01:17:21,138 --> 01:17:22,847
If you say so.
1814
01:17:39,947 --> 01:17:41,491
You guys ever been here?
1815
01:17:41,575 --> 01:17:43,659
I have not been here.
1816
01:17:43,742 --> 01:17:45,953
No. My wife gave me
20 minutes
1817
01:17:46,036 --> 01:17:47,116
and said,
"Get in, get out."
1818
01:17:47,164 --> 01:17:48,290
We're not here now.
1819
01:17:49,999 --> 01:17:51,680
Watch your pockets, too,
they will pick it.
1820
01:17:51,750 --> 01:17:53,253
That's a guarantee.
Not being racist.
1821
01:17:53,336 --> 01:17:54,588
That's being ho-ist.
Who?
1822
01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:55,814
Some of these chicks need money
1823
01:17:55,838 --> 01:17:57,131
and you fuckin'
know it. Relax.
1824
01:17:57,215 --> 01:17:58,508
You been here before, Whoopi?
1825
01:17:58,592 --> 01:17:59,717
Mmm-mmm.
1826
01:17:59,800 --> 01:18:01,135
Hey, Whoopi.
1827
01:18:01,219 --> 01:18:02,052
Hi, Jasmine.
1828
01:18:02,136 --> 01:18:03,263
Hi, Jerry.
1829
01:18:03,346 --> 01:18:05,139
My niece.
1830
01:18:05,223 --> 01:18:06,765
She goes to my temple.
1831
01:18:08,058 --> 01:18:10,478
Whatever you do,
don't get a mistress.
1832
01:18:10,562 --> 01:18:12,104
Can't do it.
You'll get caught.
1833
01:18:12,189 --> 01:18:14,441
Just be a good person. You can handle that.
Just be good.
1834
01:18:14,524 --> 01:18:15,774
Stay good to her.
1835
01:18:15,858 --> 01:18:18,528
Stay true to her.
Whack off.
1836
01:18:18,612 --> 01:18:20,070
Whack off.
Whack off.
1837
01:18:20,154 --> 01:18:21,656
Whack off.
1838
01:18:21,739 --> 01:18:25,410
And if it does happen,
do not confess.
1839
01:18:25,493 --> 01:18:27,703
You will get caught.
Just because...
1840
01:18:27,786 --> 01:18:29,331
No matter what,
even if she finds
1841
01:18:29,414 --> 01:18:31,874
an actual vagina in your pocket.
1842
01:18:31,957 --> 01:18:33,810
Don't confess. "I
don't know how it got there."
1843
01:18:33,834 --> 01:18:36,588
My wife found two pussies
in my glove compartment.
1844
01:18:36,671 --> 01:18:38,381
And I had to convince her,
you know,
1845
01:18:38,465 --> 01:18:39,965
it's a standard option
on a Mercedes.
1846
01:18:42,092 --> 01:18:44,512
You can lie as much as you
want, she's going to know.
1847
01:18:44,596 --> 01:18:45,597
It takes a village.
1848
01:18:45,680 --> 01:18:46,764
Don't cheat.
1849
01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:48,098
I have no plans to cheat.
1850
01:18:48,182 --> 01:18:49,267
I know, no one does.
1851
01:18:49,351 --> 01:18:50,644
No one plans to speed.
1852
01:18:51,769 --> 01:18:55,232
Biggie, Jay, Nas,
Ghostface, Jadakiss.
1853
01:18:55,315 --> 01:18:56,732
If you gonna say Gang Starr,
1854
01:18:56,815 --> 01:18:58,984
then you need to say
C.L. Smooth, Pete Rock.
1855
01:18:59,068 --> 01:19:00,819
You the one that picked
The Scenario over...
1856
01:19:01,613 --> 01:19:03,030
What's the other one?
1857
01:19:03,113 --> 01:19:04,949
- The Symphony.
- The Symphony.
1858
01:19:05,032 --> 01:19:08,370
Fucking Scenario is better
than Symphony, nigga!
1859
01:19:08,453 --> 01:19:10,204
Can I finish?
1860
01:19:36,439 --> 01:19:37,856
So how you doing?
1861
01:19:37,940 --> 01:19:40,694
I'm all right. I mean,
all that stuff that's on TV,
1862
01:19:40,776 --> 01:19:42,570
that was...
That was just for the show.
1863
01:19:42,654 --> 01:19:43,904
I'm not really drinking.
1864
01:19:43,988 --> 01:19:46,031
Okay, I got married
a lot of times.
1865
01:19:46,115 --> 01:19:48,158
You've been at several
of my weddings.
1866
01:19:48,242 --> 01:19:50,911
But I always knew
that wasn't what I was into.
1867
01:19:50,995 --> 01:19:54,039
I wasn't into the wedding
and everyone knew it.
1868
01:19:54,123 --> 01:19:55,958
I should have been into the guy.
1869
01:19:56,041 --> 01:19:57,876
As you should be into the girl.
1870
01:19:57,960 --> 01:20:00,254
Make her sign the prenup.
Prenup.
1871
01:20:00,338 --> 01:20:03,633
It's a hard conversation,
but just do it.
1872
01:20:03,717 --> 01:20:05,510
You will be happy
in the long run.
1873
01:20:05,593 --> 01:20:06,678
My money.
Whose money is it?
1874
01:20:06,761 --> 01:20:07,803
My money!
1875
01:20:07,886 --> 01:20:09,639
Who wrote the jokes?
I wrote the jokes.
1876
01:20:09,723 --> 01:20:12,224
Keep that fucking cash.
Sign that shit.
1877
01:20:12,309 --> 01:20:13,560
Did you get one?
1878
01:20:14,436 --> 01:20:15,894
I did not.
1879
01:20:15,978 --> 01:20:17,187
Fuck!
1880
01:20:41,211 --> 01:20:42,440
Gonna go outside
and check on the car.
1881
01:20:42,464 --> 01:20:43,839
Got a plane to catch.
1882
01:20:43,922 --> 01:20:45,924
All right, hurry up.
We gotta get out of here.
1883
01:20:46,008 --> 01:20:47,677
I'm on it!
You know I'm on it.
1884
01:20:49,887 --> 01:20:51,681
Hey, Andre, she really
loved the phone.
1885
01:20:55,184 --> 01:20:56,353
James Nielson!
1886
01:20:58,145 --> 01:20:59,647
Can I talk to you for a second?
1887
01:20:59,731 --> 01:21:01,816
I don't want to talk to you, James.
Please?
1888
01:21:01,899 --> 01:21:04,652
No! I don't want to talk.
Hey, everybody!
1889
01:21:04,736 --> 01:21:07,946
This man right here
is a journalist!
1890
01:21:08,030 --> 01:21:10,450
He is not to be trusted!
1891
01:21:10,533 --> 01:21:12,535
Okay. I'm sorry.
1892
01:21:12,619 --> 01:21:13,911
Okay, James is a character
1893
01:21:13,994 --> 01:21:15,663
I created a very long time ago,
1894
01:21:15,747 --> 01:21:17,998
and unfortunately, he's still
a very popular character.
1895
01:21:18,082 --> 01:21:21,043
Character? What are you,
Sasha Fierce?
1896
01:21:21,126 --> 01:21:23,671
Oh, I got it.
Shakira Simmons.
1897
01:21:23,755 --> 01:21:25,214
Shakara.
Shakara Simmons.
1898
01:21:25,297 --> 01:21:26,841
Yeah.
Who gives a fuck?
1899
01:21:29,427 --> 01:21:31,095
Was it all a lie?
Of course not.
1900
01:21:31,178 --> 01:21:32,615
Were you in character
the whole time?
1901
01:21:32,639 --> 01:21:33,848
No!
1902
01:21:35,140 --> 01:21:36,643
Any of it?
1903
01:21:36,726 --> 01:21:39,854
Your mother, your kid.
Your Cinderella bullshit.
1904
01:21:39,937 --> 01:21:42,189
I'm really sorry.
What I did was wrong
1905
01:21:42,272 --> 01:21:44,651
and it was creepy
and it was weird.
1906
01:21:44,734 --> 01:21:46,193
And I know you won't believe me,
1907
01:21:46,276 --> 01:21:48,863
but I actually did it because I like you.
All right?
1908
01:21:48,946 --> 01:21:50,407
The fan in me
just wanted to know
1909
01:21:50,490 --> 01:21:52,342
what happened to that guy
that I saw at Purchase.
1910
01:21:52,366 --> 01:21:53,410
You liked me?
1911
01:21:53,493 --> 01:21:54,993
Yes, that made me laugh and cry.
1912
01:21:55,077 --> 01:21:56,389
You can't touch the girls.
1913
01:21:56,413 --> 01:21:57,539
She took my wallet.
1914
01:21:57,622 --> 01:21:59,331
I don't know where it is,
but she has it.
1915
01:21:59,416 --> 01:22:00,583
I don't have any clothes on.
1916
01:22:00,667 --> 01:22:02,209
Where am I gonna put it?
1917
01:22:02,292 --> 01:22:04,504
Do I have to say it?
1918
01:22:04,587 --> 01:22:07,214
We got drama. Come on.
We gotta go.
1919
01:22:07,297 --> 01:22:09,509
Let's get out of here. Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.
1920
01:22:10,635 --> 01:22:11,719
Hey, Andre?
1921
01:22:15,305 --> 01:22:16,891
Are you going my way?
1922
01:22:29,194 --> 01:22:30,697
So are you okay, alky?
1923
01:22:32,239 --> 01:22:34,492
Yeah, I'm real good.
1924
01:22:34,576 --> 01:22:35,993
It's not as bad as it looks.
1925
01:22:39,413 --> 01:22:41,039
I got a Google alert that said
1926
01:22:41,123 --> 01:22:43,751
that the incident
was part of the show.
1927
01:22:43,835 --> 01:22:46,546
But I could tell that
you were really drinking.
1928
01:22:46,629 --> 01:22:47,773
You're not that good
of an actor.
1929
01:22:47,797 --> 01:22:49,381
Mmm, nice one, James.
1930
01:22:54,804 --> 01:22:56,806
Hey, where are we going?
1931
01:22:56,890 --> 01:22:59,559
I thought we were just
dropping her off.
1932
01:22:59,642 --> 01:23:01,122
We're just making
a little stop first.
1933
01:23:01,435 --> 01:23:02,604
Stop where?
1934
01:23:09,401 --> 01:23:11,028
Yo, come on.
1935
01:23:14,323 --> 01:23:15,950
Thank you.
1936
01:23:19,871 --> 01:23:21,205
I thought we'd just
see a couple,
1937
01:23:21,288 --> 01:23:23,500
and then, you know, we
can just get out of here.
1938
01:23:25,459 --> 01:23:26,878
Yo, Hammy!
1939
01:23:26,961 --> 01:23:28,337
Wassup, Hammy!
1940
01:23:32,884 --> 01:23:34,384
What's happenin', man?
1941
01:23:34,468 --> 01:23:36,053
You going on?
No, no.
1942
01:23:36,136 --> 01:23:37,221
All right.
1943
01:23:41,266 --> 01:23:42,828
Look around the room,
look around the room,
1944
01:23:42,852 --> 01:23:44,186
look around the room,
1945
01:23:44,269 --> 01:23:45,790
any guy not laughing
at that right now,
1946
01:23:45,855 --> 01:23:47,022
is on a date.
1947
01:23:48,608 --> 01:23:50,126
There is a battle
going on at the table
1948
01:23:50,150 --> 01:23:51,986
between the man and the woman.
1949
01:23:52,069 --> 01:23:53,589
What's up, man?
The man wants leverage.
1950
01:23:53,613 --> 01:23:55,213
How's it going?
The woman wants leverage.
1951
01:23:55,239 --> 01:23:56,741
See, when the check comes,
1952
01:23:56,824 --> 01:23:58,176
if the girl puts money
on the table,
1953
01:23:58,200 --> 01:23:59,827
that's called
the "no pussy deposit."
1954
01:24:01,913 --> 01:24:03,372
She just put a deposit down
1955
01:24:03,455 --> 01:24:06,166
on not having to do shit
with you later on that night.
1956
01:24:06,250 --> 01:24:08,377
You ever see how the girl,
when she drops the twenty,
1957
01:24:08,460 --> 01:24:10,500
she holds her hand up like
she shot a three-pointer,
1958
01:24:10,547 --> 01:24:12,632
then gets back
on defense? Bam!
1959
01:24:14,341 --> 01:24:15,903
Oh, my gosh,
look at this outfit.
1960
01:24:15,927 --> 01:24:17,386
This is me trying.
1961
01:24:17,469 --> 01:24:19,322
This is what you look like
when you start giving up.
1962
01:24:19,346 --> 01:24:21,015
Take a note.
People keep asking me
1963
01:24:21,098 --> 01:24:23,183
if I'm from Michigan.
I'm like, "No, I'm done.
1964
01:24:23,267 --> 01:24:24,644
"It looks the same."
1965
01:24:26,938 --> 01:24:29,106
It looks exactly
the fucking same.
1966
01:24:29,189 --> 01:24:30,876
I don't wear anything
that doesn't transition well
1967
01:24:30,900 --> 01:24:32,986
to bed from now on.
1968
01:24:33,068 --> 01:24:34,654
If I can't pull the bra
out the sleeve,
1969
01:24:34,737 --> 01:24:35,778
I'm not interested in you.
1970
01:24:36,614 --> 01:24:38,156
I'm not interested.
1971
01:24:38,240 --> 01:24:39,721
Yeah, how come
every movie with slaves
1972
01:24:39,784 --> 01:24:41,118
always has that one scene?
1973
01:24:51,545 --> 01:24:53,338
It's like...
It's like Slave Idol.
1974
01:25:00,345 --> 01:25:02,807
You guys ain't going
to believe this.
1975
01:25:02,890 --> 01:25:06,476
The one, the only, Andre Allen!
1976
01:25:25,495 --> 01:25:26,664
Whoo!
1977
01:25:28,332 --> 01:25:29,332
Whoo!
1978
01:25:31,543 --> 01:25:33,004
Oh, wow.
1979
01:25:33,087 --> 01:25:34,714
Um...
1980
01:25:34,797 --> 01:25:37,091
What can I say? Um...
1981
01:25:37,174 --> 01:25:38,926
Please lower your expectations.
1982
01:25:40,594 --> 01:25:43,347
It's not gonna be that good.
1983
01:25:43,430 --> 01:25:45,307
What the hell
am I doing up here?
1984
01:25:45,390 --> 01:25:48,352
I haven't done this
in a long time.
1985
01:25:48,435 --> 01:25:49,705
A lot of people
don't like dates.
1986
01:25:49,729 --> 01:25:51,369
It's like, "I hate dating.
I hate dating."
1987
01:25:51,396 --> 01:25:53,858
I like dates.
Dates are cool.
1988
01:25:53,941 --> 01:25:57,737
'Cause a date means someone
is considering fucking you.
1989
01:26:01,908 --> 01:26:04,035
They have to, like,
ponder it. It's just...
1990
01:26:05,995 --> 01:26:07,830
Anybody you can eat with,
1991
01:26:07,914 --> 01:26:09,916
you might have
a chance of fucking.
1992
01:26:11,333 --> 01:26:14,754
So, and they're just
pondering fucking you.
1993
01:26:14,837 --> 01:26:16,147
They're weighing it
in their head.
1994
01:26:16,171 --> 01:26:17,339
They're going, "Ah..."
1995
01:26:17,422 --> 01:26:18,507
Girls are going,
1996
01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:21,468
"Ah, his dick, my mouth.
I wonder."
1997
01:26:21,551 --> 01:26:25,222
And even if it doesn't happen,
you just feel... I feel good.
1998
01:26:25,305 --> 01:26:27,182
I mean, any day
somebody thinks about
1999
01:26:27,265 --> 01:26:29,060
fucking you is a good day.
2000
01:26:30,895 --> 01:26:32,897
That's the thing
with women. Like...
2001
01:26:32,980 --> 01:26:34,792
They don't... No matter
what you do for a woman,
2002
01:26:34,816 --> 01:26:36,400
if it doesn't end in marriage,
2003
01:26:37,234 --> 01:26:38,986
this was a waste of time.
2004
01:26:39,070 --> 01:26:40,988
I don't care
what you do for her.
2005
01:26:41,072 --> 01:26:43,032
You could... Got her a job,
2006
01:26:44,117 --> 01:26:46,410
you know, cured her diabetes,
2007
01:26:47,536 --> 01:26:49,663
taught her how to read.
2008
01:26:49,747 --> 01:26:51,708
But if it's over
and you don't marry her,
2009
01:26:51,791 --> 01:26:54,418
it's like, "I can't believe
I wasted my time with you."
2010
01:26:54,501 --> 01:26:55,878
"Fuck you and your letters."
2011
01:26:57,462 --> 01:27:00,133
"I could have been married
with diabetes by now."
2012
01:27:02,176 --> 01:27:04,219
What can I say? Um...
2013
01:27:04,302 --> 01:27:07,222
All I can say is, don't
make any major decisions
2014
01:27:07,305 --> 01:27:08,808
after a blowjob.
2015
01:27:12,394 --> 01:27:14,981
You know,
let the blowjob wear off.
2016
01:27:17,108 --> 01:27:19,736
Then you figure out what
you want to do, you know.
2017
01:27:19,819 --> 01:27:22,029
That's just my advice to you.
2018
01:27:22,113 --> 01:27:24,322
I'm sure that's what
happened to J.F.K, you know.
2019
01:27:24,406 --> 01:27:27,367
Marilyn Monroe gave him
a blowjob and,
2020
01:27:27,451 --> 01:27:29,829
you know, he was, like, "I'm
gonna get me a convertible."
2021
01:27:37,044 --> 01:27:39,337
Whoo!
2022
01:27:39,421 --> 01:27:41,883
One more time!
Andre Allen!
2023
01:27:41,966 --> 01:27:43,300
Whoa! Come on. Hurry up!
2024
01:27:43,383 --> 01:27:44,634
That was incredible!
2025
01:27:44,718 --> 01:27:46,636
Hammy!
2026
01:27:46,720 --> 01:27:48,597
You still got it! I told you!
Yes.
2027
01:27:48,680 --> 01:27:49,807
Whoa!
2028
01:27:49,891 --> 01:27:51,851
Amazing. Oh, my God. Get
in there, get in there.
2029
01:27:51,934 --> 01:27:53,060
Hammy, keep it real.
2030
01:27:53,144 --> 01:27:54,436
Yo, Hammy.
2031
01:27:54,519 --> 01:27:57,647
Come on, go, go, go, go!
2032
01:27:57,731 --> 01:27:59,483
Wow.
That was incredible!
2033
01:27:59,566 --> 01:28:01,128
- Amazing. As always.
- Wasn't he amazing?
2034
01:28:01,152 --> 01:28:02,552
You were amazing.
You were so great.
2035
01:28:02,611 --> 01:28:04,404
Wow!
Ooh!
2036
01:28:04,488 --> 01:28:06,157
Whoo!
2037
01:28:07,074 --> 01:28:08,366
How do you feel?
2038
01:28:08,450 --> 01:28:10,077
I feel...
2039
01:28:10,161 --> 01:28:13,288
Insane, man!
I feel like, uh,
2040
01:28:13,371 --> 01:28:15,958
you know, it's like, uh,
like, uh, I took the pill
2041
01:28:16,042 --> 01:28:17,501
and I'm in
the Matrix. Um...
2042
01:28:17,584 --> 01:28:19,753
Like, I can't believe it.
2043
01:28:19,837 --> 01:28:21,755
I'm just watching the people.
2044
01:28:21,839 --> 01:28:23,298
And I can hear them laugh,
2045
01:28:23,381 --> 01:28:25,176
and I could feel the laughter.
2046
01:28:25,259 --> 01:28:27,804
Okay, what got you up there?
What did it?
2047
01:28:28,930 --> 01:28:30,764
When I met you this morning,
2048
01:28:30,848 --> 01:28:32,474
you mentioned this show
that I did
2049
01:28:32,557 --> 01:28:34,726
at your school
like 15 years ago.
2050
01:28:35,477 --> 01:28:37,063
And I remembered it.
2051
01:28:37,939 --> 01:28:39,232
It was a good show.
2052
01:28:39,564 --> 01:28:42,026
It was.
2053
01:28:42,109 --> 01:28:45,863
You just got me thinking
about being on stage.
2054
01:28:48,573 --> 01:28:49,951
So, that's all it took, huh?
2055
01:28:50,952 --> 01:28:52,369
That...
Mmm-hmm.
2056
01:28:53,830 --> 01:28:55,248
...and jail.
2057
01:28:56,999 --> 01:28:59,293
Jail.
You were barely in there.
2058
01:29:01,003 --> 01:29:03,881
After I got off
the phone with Erica,
2059
01:29:03,965 --> 01:29:05,757
I thought I was at bottom.
2060
01:29:05,842 --> 01:29:09,929
I was like, "This is it,
I have fucked up everything."
2061
01:29:10,012 --> 01:29:13,390
And at that moment,
I heard this crazy sound.
2062
01:29:27,779 --> 01:29:29,156
- Mmm?
- Wow.Wow.
2063
01:29:29,573 --> 01:29:30,740
DMX.
2064
01:29:31,993 --> 01:29:33,953
What are you doing here?
2065
01:29:34,036 --> 01:29:36,496
Really? What am I
doing here?
2066
01:29:36,580 --> 01:29:38,341
I'm X, man. I live in
this motherfucker, man.
2067
01:29:38,373 --> 01:29:39,416
Don't you watch the news?
2068
01:29:39,917 --> 01:29:41,751
Damn, homie.
2069
01:29:41,835 --> 01:29:43,670
I respect the fuck out
of your shit, man.
2070
01:29:43,753 --> 01:29:45,339
Uprize?
2071
01:29:45,422 --> 01:29:47,591
I'm gonna see that
as soon as I get out, man.
2072
01:29:47,674 --> 01:29:51,386
Yo, man, thanks a lot, man.
I'm a big fan of yours, too.
2073
01:29:51,469 --> 01:29:52,910
One thing I really
respect about you,
2074
01:29:52,972 --> 01:29:55,099
why I fuck with you
for real, son,
2075
01:29:55,182 --> 01:29:58,393
is that you won't let
the industry box you in.
2076
01:29:58,476 --> 01:30:00,354
We're pretty much
on some same shit, yo.
2077
01:30:00,437 --> 01:30:02,772
I'm kind of tired
of rapping, man.
2078
01:30:02,856 --> 01:30:05,192
Plus, I got so much
more to offer.
2079
01:30:05,276 --> 01:30:06,476
That's what I always say, man.
2080
01:30:06,526 --> 01:30:08,988
I got so much more to offer.
2081
01:30:09,071 --> 01:30:10,864
You got a minute?
Yeah.
2082
01:30:10,948 --> 01:30:12,366
Check this out.
2083
01:30:13,658 --> 01:30:17,537
♪ Smile, though
your heart is aching
2084
01:30:17,621 --> 01:30:21,208
♪ Smile, even though
it's breaking
2085
01:30:21,292 --> 01:30:23,585
♪ When there are clouds
in the sky
2086
01:30:23,668 --> 01:30:25,629
♪ You'll get by
2087
01:30:25,712 --> 01:30:27,505
♪ Smile through
the pain and sorrow
2088
01:30:27,589 --> 01:30:29,008
♪ What?
2089
01:30:29,091 --> 01:30:31,801
♪ Smile and maybe tomorrow
2090
01:30:31,885 --> 01:30:33,887
♪ You'll see the sun
come shining through
2091
01:30:33,971 --> 01:30:34,972
♪ For you
2092
01:30:35,056 --> 01:30:36,390
Shut the fuck up!
2093
01:30:36,473 --> 01:30:37,867
I'm expressing
myself over here, nigga.
2094
01:30:37,891 --> 01:30:40,394
♪ Light up your face with
gladness
2095
01:30:40,477 --> 01:30:43,230
♪ Hide every trace of sadness
2096
01:30:43,314 --> 01:30:46,816
♪ And although
a tear is ever so near
2097
01:30:46,900 --> 01:30:50,029
♪ That's the time you
must keep on trying
2098
01:30:50,112 --> 01:30:52,656
- ♪ Smile, what's the use of crying?
- You suck!
2099
01:30:52,739 --> 01:30:55,659
♪ You'll find that life
is still worthwhile
2100
01:30:55,742 --> 01:30:58,828
♪ If you just smile
Motherfucker!
2101
01:30:58,912 --> 01:31:00,331
Shut the fuck up!
2102
01:31:00,414 --> 01:31:02,416
♪ Smile, though
your heart is aching... ♪
2103
01:31:02,499 --> 01:31:03,960
Rap, you motherfucker!
2104
01:31:04,043 --> 01:31:05,086
Rap!
2105
01:31:21,685 --> 01:31:23,062
Ah...
Mmm...
2106
01:31:23,145 --> 01:31:24,521
Take care of yourself.
2107
01:31:24,688 --> 01:31:25,814
You, too.
2108
01:31:29,901 --> 01:31:31,112
Well,
2109
01:31:32,654 --> 01:31:33,863
you got everything?
2110
01:31:33,947 --> 01:31:36,117
Yep. Got my cell phone.
2111
01:31:36,908 --> 01:31:38,327
Everything.
2112
01:31:41,122 --> 01:31:42,497
That's good.
2113
01:31:43,540 --> 01:31:44,916
Have a safe flight.
2114
01:31:45,750 --> 01:31:46,750
Thanks.
2115
01:31:48,586 --> 01:31:51,424
Listen, I'm going to
be in L.A. in October.
2116
01:31:51,506 --> 01:31:54,968
This gallery wants to
showcase my photos.
2117
01:31:55,052 --> 01:31:56,220
Send you an invite.
2118
01:31:57,971 --> 01:31:59,556
You can bring your wife.
2119
01:32:00,557 --> 01:32:02,351
You know I can't go, right?
2120
01:32:05,770 --> 01:32:09,108
It's very nice to
meet you, Andre Allen.
2121
01:32:09,191 --> 01:32:11,735
It's great to finally meet you,
2122
01:32:12,361 --> 01:32:13,945
Chelsea Brown.
2123
01:32:17,158 --> 01:32:18,575
Fry or die.
2124
01:32:32,173 --> 01:32:33,466
Yo, Chels!
2125
01:32:39,221 --> 01:32:40,514
What's your top five?
2126
01:32:48,897 --> 01:32:50,483
Salt-N-Pepa,
2127
01:32:51,816 --> 01:32:53,402
Tribe Called Quest,
2128
01:32:54,027 --> 01:32:55,196
The Roots,
2129
01:32:55,987 --> 01:32:57,572
Public Enemy,
2130
01:32:59,408 --> 01:33:00,575
Kanye.
2131
01:33:03,245 --> 01:33:06,581
And I get six, man.
Slick Rick the Ruler!
2132
01:33:07,832 --> 01:33:09,000
Slick Rick.
2133
01:33:12,629 --> 01:33:13,963
Take care.
2134
01:33:14,047 --> 01:33:15,466
You, too.
2135
01:33:46,288 --> 01:33:48,832
She's a little skinny
for my taste.
2136
01:33:48,915 --> 01:33:51,585
But if it was me, I would
be up there right now.
2137
01:33:55,004 --> 01:33:56,840
I wouldn't worry about Erica.
2138
01:33:56,923 --> 01:33:59,634
One way or another, she's
going to end up on top.
2139
01:34:00,677 --> 01:34:03,430
Can't have 'em all, man.
2140
01:34:03,514 --> 01:34:06,433
I'm not talking
about having 'em all.
2141
01:34:06,517 --> 01:34:08,185
I'm talking about having her.
2142
01:34:14,107 --> 01:34:15,609
What you got in
that gift bag, man?
2143
01:34:16,693 --> 01:34:18,653
Let me check. Uh...
2144
01:34:21,114 --> 01:34:24,160
Got some vodka. Okay.
Mmm.
2145
01:34:24,243 --> 01:34:25,785
In my gift bag.
2146
01:34:26,911 --> 01:34:29,038
Somebody wasn't
thinking about me.
2147
01:34:31,333 --> 01:34:32,709
I'll take that off your hands.
2148
01:34:33,294 --> 01:34:34,628
What else you got, man?
2149
01:34:34,711 --> 01:34:39,048
Got a jasmine-scented candle.
2150
01:34:39,132 --> 01:34:41,552
Definitely something
I would give a man.
2151
01:34:41,635 --> 01:34:42,802
I got a Mexican chica.
2152
01:34:42,886 --> 01:34:44,762
She loves candles.
She's a candle bitch.
2153
01:34:44,846 --> 01:34:46,139
What else you got?
2154
01:34:46,223 --> 01:34:47,558
Uh...
2155
01:34:49,058 --> 01:34:51,102
Gourmet nuts.
2156
01:34:51,187 --> 01:34:53,373
You know I love some nuts.
That's for me. Give me those.
2157
01:34:53,397 --> 01:34:54,231
There you go.
2158
01:34:54,315 --> 01:34:55,899
Hopefully honey-roasted.
2159
01:34:55,982 --> 01:34:58,277
When they put the honey on the nuts?
Mmm-hmm.
2160
01:34:58,360 --> 01:34:59,920
That's a whole different
world right there.
2161
01:34:59,944 --> 01:35:01,265
And let's see.
2162
01:35:01,322 --> 01:35:03,740
A gift certificate for...
2163
01:35:03,823 --> 01:35:05,343
That's when they took
it to a new level.
2164
01:35:05,367 --> 01:35:06,452
You know me, I'm a snacker.
2165
01:35:06,535 --> 01:35:07,678
Now, if they could find a way
2166
01:35:07,702 --> 01:35:09,538
to put the honey
inside the, uh...
2167
01:35:09,622 --> 01:35:10,848
Some kind of cloning shit,
I don't know.
2168
01:35:10,872 --> 01:35:11,993
- Is that cloning?
- Mmm-hmm.
2169
01:35:24,177 --> 01:35:25,512
Yo, Silk.
2170
01:36:05,009 --> 01:36:07,136
- You want the top five?
- Yes!
2171
01:36:07,220 --> 01:36:08,305
Yes.
2172
01:36:08,389 --> 01:36:10,139
Here it is.
2173
01:36:10,223 --> 01:36:11,933
Sugarhill Gang,
2174
01:36:12,016 --> 01:36:13,519
Eminem...
Right.
2175
01:36:13,602 --> 01:36:15,354
Wale,
2176
01:36:15,437 --> 01:36:17,356
- Ice Cube...
- Whoa!
2177
01:36:17,439 --> 01:36:18,879
...and Sir Mix-A-Lot!
2178
01:36:19,190 --> 01:36:20,609
Yes!
2179
01:36:21,443 --> 01:36:23,404
"Put 'em on the glass"!