0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 1 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,352 - All right, cut it! - All right, hold it! 2 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,994 What is that idiot doin'? 3 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,395 - What's that idiot doing? - I just asked that. 4 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,789 - What's the answer? - I don't know. 5 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,678 You're the director. You brought him over from India. 6 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:49,550 You'd better start telling him what to do or we'll be out of business. Now go ahead. 7 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,395 Come on. 8 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,471 - Charlie... - Yes? 9 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,078 Ready? Action! 10 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:39,837 Cut, dammit! Cut! 11 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,031 - Mr Bakshi. - Yes, sir? 12 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:55,118 Has it occurred to you that the period of our picture is 1878? 13 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,273 Oh, yes indeed, sir. I am well aware that that is the period of the film. 1878. 14 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,875 Mr Bakshi, are you also aware that in 1878 15 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,394 ...they weren't wearing underwater watches? 16 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,711 Yes, sir. I know that. They had not even been invented. 17 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,995 - Got the time? - Yes, it's... 18 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,517 - Oh, my God. - All right. Lunch, everybody. 19 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:18,832 That's 42 for the crew. One hour for the cast. 20 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:29,873 OK, guys. The cue for the demolition is when I lower my hand like this. 21 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:34,954 - We got one shot at this. Let's get it right. - All right. Places, everybody! 22 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:40,160 Marty! Clutterbuck says if we don't wrap this location today, it's your neck. 23 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:44,791 - All we have left is to blow up the fort. - OK, OK. Great. Great. 24 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:50,718 OK, Ken, let's go. 25 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,031 - Carl? Earl? - All right. Stand by. 26 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,351 You. 27 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,551 Yes, you. 28 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:31,110 You get off of my set and get out of my picture. 29 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:36,078 Off. Out! You're through! You're washed up! You're finished! 30 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:39,675 I'll see to it you never make another movie again! 31 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:45,754 - Does that include television, sir? - I'll kill him. I'll kill him! I'll kill him! 32 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,632 - Yeah? - Mr Divot calling from location, on six. 33 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,711 All right. 34 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,151 Yeah, Charlie? 35 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,153 What? 36 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,237 What? 37 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,311 The whole damn thing? 38 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,119 How the hell could a thing like that happen? 39 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,236 What's his name? 40 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,311 Spell it. 41 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:26,515 Hrundi... V... 42 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:30,835 B-a-k-s-h-i. 43 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,992 I'll see to it he never works again in this town. 44 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,117 - Your wife wants the party guest list. - On the desk. 45 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,191 You know where to reach me. 46 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:06,877 I need an address for Hrundi V Bakshi. 47 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,954 B-a-k-s-h-i. 48 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,479 (# pianist plays "Nothing to Lose") 49 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,957 Vodka and Scotch, sir? 50 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,391 No. I... 51 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,151 I never touch it. Thank you. 52 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,551 No, thank you. 53 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:13,231 - Hors d'oeuvre, sir? - Well, I'm on a diet, but to hell with it. 54 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,838 ...the mother says to the father "We got the wrong baby. " 55 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,832 And the father says "Shh! It's a better buggy. " 56 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,709 I never heard that. It's marvellous! 57 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:09,035 Oh, ho, ho! Oh, yes! 58 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:14,552 I missed the middle part, but I can tell from the way that you are enjoying it... 59 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,029 ...it must have been a very humorous anecdote. 60 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:20,715 Because the way you are laughing just shows how much you enjoyed it. 61 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,270 I love a good laugh. Don't you? Makes the world go round. 62 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:28,433 It's good to have a laugh. Wonderful, wonderful. 63 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,311 Very good. 64 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,351 I must remember that one. 65 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,917 ...bound and gagged for six hours. 66 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,754 They took everything. Even the gold watch my daddy left me. 67 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:02,272 They took the gold watch that your father left you? 68 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,113 I'm sorry. It's absolutely fantastic. 69 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:10,752 What a wonderful thing to do. Take everything including your father's watch. 70 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:15,516 I tell you, tonight is one big round of laughter. All fun and laughter. 71 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,870 The congressman was just telling us about the time he was robbed. 72 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,317 - Who's the foreigner? - I don't know. 73 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,676 Someone my mixed-up wife invited. 74 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:44,629 Hello, dog. What do you want, eh? You like my feet, do you? 75 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,109 Have your fill and away you go. 76 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:51,398 Feet are considered a delicacy among certain animals, you know. 77 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,597 Go on. You've had enough now. Off. Ciao, dog. 78 00:17:55,240 --> 00:18:00,951 In fact, there are man-eating animals who will eat only the feet, not one other thing. 79 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,671 Get away. Ciao, now. Ciao, dog. 80 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,992 Get away. Get away from me, dog. 81 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:11,197 - Vodka or Scotch, sir? - No, I... No, thank you. 82 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:29,192 - Good evening, Mr Divot. How are you? - Uh, how are you? 83 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,271 Smile at 'em. 84 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,831 Good evening, General. I'd like you to meet Miss Michele Monet. 85 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,469 Mr Clutterbuck. Mrs Clutterbuck. How are ya, Alice? 86 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,279 I'll introduce my guests, if I may. Mrs Dunphy... 87 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,517 I've heard some wonderful things about you. 88 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,433 Well, sir, you seem to have a wonderful party going. 89 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,235 - How do you like it so far? - Fine. 90 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,470 Have a drink. Go ahead. 91 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,158 - Hello. - Oh, hello. 92 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,752 - Hello. Good evening. - Good evening. 93 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:32,355 What a beautiful evening it is, to be sure. 94 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,555 What's in there? 95 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,631 What, in here? 96 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,471 Well, there is nothing in there. 97 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,791 Yes, there is. 98 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:55,518 Oh, I don't know. I don't think so. 99 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,797 - No. - Can't you see it? 100 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,838 No, no, no. There is definitely nothing in there. 101 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:05,595 If there was something, it's gone away now anyway. 102 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,671 Well, I can see it. 103 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,560 What is it? 104 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,234 I don't know, but I don't like it. 105 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,231 Hare ram ram. 106 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,469 Hey. 107 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,677 - Oh. Pardon me, sir. - That's quite all right, feller. 108 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:37,470 - I'm so sorry, sir. I beg your pardon. - Honey, we'll play it over here. 109 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,997 Right here. This is an easy shot. 110 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:43,516 First get in the saddle, just like I taught you. That's it. 111 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,672 - No, I feel silly. - Oh, no, hon. You can do it this way. 112 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:50,070 I was doin' it the other day. Just relax and you can... 113 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,791 Just relax. Just... 114 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,553 Pay no attention to me, sir. I'm merely spectating. 115 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,676 Fine. Fine. 116 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,513 I can see that you are an experienced player. 117 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,955 One of the best, feller. One of the best. 118 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:08,433 Sir, what is the name of a game that has a multitude of coloured balls like that? 119 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,114 - Pool. - Poo? 120 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:16,115 - No, not poo. Pool. - Pool! Oh, like swimming pool. 121 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,078 - I never heard of a game called pool. - Fine game. 122 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:23,551 And what is the object of it? To disperse these balls strategically around the table? 123 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,234 Get the balls in the holes, except the white one. 124 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,232 That is the art? The art is not to have the white one in? 125 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,072 - Right. - Good. 126 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,310 And how many people can play? 127 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,915 - Oh, whole bunches, or twos and threes. - Groups of people can play? 128 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,992 - By yourself. - Thank goodness. How wonderful. 129 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,793 Keep your eye on the white ball, and you can... 130 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,351 Oh... 131 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,031 Oh, excuse me, sir. 132 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,789 Excuse me, sir, but... 133 00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:01,795 ...you are, are you not, "Wyoming Bill" Kelso, the famous film star? 134 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:05,395 - That's me, in the flesh. - Oh, God. What a moment in my life! 135 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,471 I've seen every one of your films. 136 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,518 Oh, that's wonderful! Wonderful! 137 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,592 - What a wonderful strong grip you've got! - Yes, I do. 138 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:17,878 I would have been disappointed if you hadn't crushed my hand. 139 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,068 Would you do me the honour to sign me an autograph? 140 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,799 Oh, sure. Here, hold this. I'll be glad to. 141 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,269 - I'm also in the acting profession. - You are? 142 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:30,319 Yes, indeed. I'm not in your quality, but I am also an actor. 143 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,631 - What's your name? - Hrundi. H-r-u-n-d-i. 144 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,712 Wait till I tell them at home that I've met him. 145 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,439 - Where are you from? - I am from India. 146 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:41,750 - Got you covered, Injun. - Oh! 147 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,991 - Bang! Howdy, partner! - Pretty quick on the draw there. 148 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,514 Never I believed in my whole life I would meet him... 149 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,909 ...and he would go "Bang, partner. " 150 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:55,831 Listen to me: White man speak with forked tongue. 151 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,110 You old horned toad, buddy. 152 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:06,593 - Cute little feller, ain't he? - I know all your sayings. All of them. 153 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:08,955 The one where you walk along and go... 154 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,152 - Hrundi, say hello to the signorina here. - Hello, partener. 155 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,708 - Piacere. - Bakshi. 156 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,791 - There you go. - Ah, thank you. 157 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,599 - This is a wonderful thing for me. - My pleasure. 158 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:27,835 Thank you, and I would love to say that it has been the greatest moment in my life. 159 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,031 Bang! I got you! 160 00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:34,352 - I was quick on the draw. - You beat me that time, pal. That's right. 161 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,916 - Lots of luck to you. - Yes, and the same to you, sir. 162 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,711 Howdy, partener! 163 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:34,679 Oh, that was a short dance. 164 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,638 - That's right. - They don't go on for long, do they? 165 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:39,517 We just started and... 166 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:43,309 Well, anyway, thank you very much. Perhaps we can dance again later. 167 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,073 - Oh, OK. - If your carnet de bal is not full up. 168 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,191 Hello, Polly. 169 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,597 Hello, Polly. Pretty Polly. Pretty Polly. 170 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:11,111 Hello. 171 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,914 Would you like some food, Polly? 172 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,797 Pretty Polly. 173 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,155 - Birdie num num. - Hello. 174 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:31,028 Birdie num num. Birdie num num. Have birdie num num. 175 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:35,351 Go on. 176 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:39,438 I'll give you a last one. 177 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,798 She's... Having... The birdie num nums. 178 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,872 Look. She's waiting for more num num. 179 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:52,951 All gone. Num num is gone. 180 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,753 Pretty bird. Pretty Polly. 181 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:03,829 Num num. 182 00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,798 Num num. Birdie num num. 183 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,235 - What in the world is that? - I can't imagine. 184 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:25,559 Howdy, partener. Howdy, partener. 185 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:29,914 Howdy, par... Te... Ner... Partener! 186 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,991 Howdy, partener. 187 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,520 Look at that! Oh! 188 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,549 What was that? 189 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:10,757 Would you mind getting... 190 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:26,595 This is 469-6151. 191 00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:31,508 Please remain connected to the telephone. 192 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:33,831 There is a call for you, sir. 193 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,909 Please, hold on to the connection. Please, one second. 194 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,391 I wonder if you could... 195 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,834 - Can you... Hold here? - Yes. 196 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:50,397 Would you just let my hand go? You've got my hand. Thank you. 197 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:53,074 Now I'll take this from you. 198 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,276 Hold on one moment. 199 00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:01,596 Excuse the mess up here. It is birdie num nums. I've got them under my feet. 200 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,557 Just one second. If you can take this around you... 201 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,509 Just lift the ashtray, please. 202 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,955 Yes. Thank you. 203 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:26,593 Yes, yes. 204 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,477 Oh, Benny. 205 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,552 Yeah, well, I'm having a few people in. 206 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:38,155 The picture, yeah. It was going fine until some idiot blew up the set. 207 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,791 - Scotch? - No, no. 208 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,950 This picture's a very good one, you know. It's gonna be great. 209 00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:26,837 - Caviar? - No, thank you. 210 00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:29,673 - Sir? - I don't think so, thanks. 211 00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:48,432 Eat! 212 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:52,433 Oh, sure, honey. We're gonna eat. But they gotta ring the little bell first. 213 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,511 Bell? 214 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:58,315 - Bell. Ding-ding. - Ding-ding? 215 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:01,198 But first let's have a little tiddly at the bar. 216 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,510 - Hello. - Oh, howdy, little buddy! 217 00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:10,231 That's my old cowboy crusher. Injun grip. 218 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,357 Oh, you really crushed my old Indian hand! 219 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,715 It sort of smarts, don't it? 220 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:18,234 Friendliest little critter I ever met. 221 00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:23,716 It's an honour to have had my hand crushed by "Wyoming Bill" Kelso. 222 00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:26,234 Wait till I tell them back home. 223 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,591 Ooh. 224 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,751 Pooh! 225 00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:00,519 - Oh. - OK. 226 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:02,591 - Pardon me. - It's OK. 227 00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,591 - Hello. - Hello. 228 00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,913 Oh, um... it was occupied. 229 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,230 - Oh. - Yes. 230 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,311 Hrundi V Bakshi. 231 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:29,836 - Pardon? - That is what my name is called. 232 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,036 - Oh. Michele Monet. - How do you do? 233 00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:34,111 How do you do? 234 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,350 Are you... Having a good time? 235 00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,431 - Mm-hm. - Good, good. 236 00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:42,559 - Are you having a good time? - Oh, yes. I am having a good time. 237 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:47,475 - Good. - It's... Good to be having a good time. 238 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:49,551 - Yes. - Yes. 239 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,077 - Are you an actress? - Yes. 240 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,720 - Oh, yes. I can tell. - Oh? 241 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:56,791 - Because I am an actor. - Oh, I see. 242 00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:00,555 Actors can tell when actresses are actresses, and actresses can tell... 243 00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:03,916 - It is a thing that we have together. - Ah. 244 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,116 - You are also French. - How do you know? 245 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,316 Your name, and the way you speak English. 246 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:13,235 - Oh, that's right. Do you speak French? - Just enough to get myself into trouble. 247 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:15,311 I'll tell you what I can say. 248 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:18,392 O� est la direction de la tour Eiffel, s'il vous pla�t? 249 00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,710 That's pretty good. You do speak French. 250 00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:22,552 - Do you speak Hindustani? - No. 251 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:26,428 Well, you are not missing anything. Oh, dear. 252 00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:28,636 I am here at the moment taking part... 253 00:34:28,720 --> 00:34:32,349 ...in Mr General Clutterbuck's latest motion-picture extravaganza. 254 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,034 - Oh. That's wonderful. - It is a main feature role... 255 00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,714 ...and I am very glad to have the opportunity to do it. 256 00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:39,791 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 257 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:42,440 Are you... Doing something in a movie? 258 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,034 - Are you working in a movie? - No. No. 259 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,556 But next week I'm doing a test for Mr Divot. 260 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:51,154 Oh, Mr Divot! 261 00:34:51,240 --> 00:34:53,629 - What? - Oh, listen. I... 262 00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:56,319 - Oh! - Let's get to the bar. 263 00:34:56,400 --> 00:35:00,279 - Mr Divot, how do you do? - Yeah. Yeah, right, fella. All right? 264 00:35:00,720 --> 00:35:04,030 - Goodbye. - Bye. 265 00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:07,233 - Who is that guy? - A very nice man... 266 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:10,710 - with an unpronounceable name. - I know him from someplace. 267 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,598 How are you, General? Remember Miss Michele Monet here? 268 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:17,719 Have you heard her sing? We're giving her a test. She sings like a nightingale. 269 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:21,839 - I'll look forward to that. - Excuse us, sir. We're going to the bar. 270 00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:34,671 - Dinner is served. - Good. 271 00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:45,669 Dinner is served. 272 00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,433 Dinner is served, darling. 273 00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:14,513 - Alice, where is Miss Monet sitting? - Right around here, dear. 274 00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:21,110 Bernie, give Miss Monet a hand, please. 275 00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,839 Excuse me for a minute, sweetheart. 276 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:39,558 Dear... I believe you're down here, dear. 277 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:44,471 Right down here. 278 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,592 - Bakshi, right? - Oh, yes. Mr Bakshi. 279 00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:55,037 - Oh, there's no chair. - Everybody needs to move over. 280 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:59,716 Oh. Darling, would you mind moving up just one? I'm terribly sorry. 281 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:36,913 I'm sorry, darling. You're going to have to move back. It was a mistake. 282 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:41,994 I'm awfully sorry. Levinson, will you get the gentleman a chair, please? 283 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:46,790 No, it was a mistake. But he's going to bring you a chair and you'll be all right. 284 00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:58,870 What happened to your little face? 285 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:02,839 Nothing, except that it is somewhat nearer to the table now. 286 00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:05,354 My chair is lower than your chair. 287 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,876 - Do you like your strawberry soup? - Oh, strawberry soup. 288 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:25,315 I haven't had it lately. 289 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,073 - Lovely in summer, don't you think? - Yes. 290 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,556 Oh, yes, it's... Oh! It's lovely right now. 291 00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:33,631 Good. I'm so glad. 292 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,829 Hey, gimme some of that, will ya, pal? 293 00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,552 How's the chow? Looks pretty good. 294 00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:49,911 No wine, thank you. 295 00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,471 No wine, please. No, no. 296 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,197 Please, no wine. 297 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:58,556 I know you would like me to have it, but I don't want it. 298 00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:02,913 All right. I don't drink. I don't smoke. No wine. 299 00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:29,669 Are you all right? Oh, I'm so sorry. 300 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:31,876 I dropped my roll. 301 00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:35,708 If I can sit here, I won't be in anybody's way. 302 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:40,510 - You're sure you're comfortable? - Here the door won't bang me. 303 00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:42,989 All right. Excuse me. 304 00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:53,718 They should be finished with the soup. Get the plates. 305 00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:40,317 - Mrs Clutterbuck, shall I serve the salad? - Yes. 306 00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:01,269 What are you doing? What are you doing? 307 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:39,671 Get into the kitchen. 308 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:44,556 That is just outside Bombay. 309 00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,950 - And Bombay is in India. - Oh, that is very much in India. 310 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:51,032 And that is indeed the gateway to India... 311 00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:01,589 I think that one of these bearers does not like the other one. 312 00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:06,114 You have a very hard time finding good help these days. 313 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:08,191 Yes, you certainly do. 314 00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:28,034 Did you hear about the trapeze artist who got divorced? Caught his wife in the act. 315 00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:34,151 That's terribly funny. 316 00:45:34,240 --> 00:45:36,993 Yeah, it's been terribly funny for about 20 years. 317 00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:03,359 Oh! 318 00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:54,671 - Gore, are you sure it's all right? - It's not "all right". It's divine. 319 00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:12,791 You've got to start with education. That's where you need to spend... 320 00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:17,396 Mrs Clutterbuck, please can I take this opportunity... 321 00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:20,552 ...to apologise to you formally for what happened at the table? 322 00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:23,632 Oh, my dear, just forget it. It wasn't your fault. 323 00:48:23,720 --> 00:48:25,711 - What embarrassment for you. - Why, no. 324 00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:28,792 It was that ridiculous little chair they put you on. 325 00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:32,839 It was awful, but at the same time I feel it is my duty to say this to you now. 326 00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:36,435 - I just think we should forget all about it. - Indeed, you are right. 327 00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:40,433 But before then I will also go to your husband and say to him that I am sorry. 328 00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:43,830 - That's not necessary, really. - It is on my conscience. 329 00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,593 - Well, if you want to, go ahead. - Thank you. 330 00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:09,675 - General, excellent aroma. - I'm glad you like it. 331 00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:12,832 Still have a few left over from the pre-Castro days. 332 00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:16,475 General Clutterbuck, sir. 333 00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:20,792 Please, I would like to formally apologise to you for any inconvenience... 334 00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:24,395 ...that I may have caused you or your guests at the table tonight. 335 00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:27,950 - It's understandable. - It will never happen again... 336 00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:32,272 ...should you wish to have me on your list of guests on some other occasion. 337 00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:36,273 When I saw what havoc that I wrought, my poor old knees turned to water. 338 00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:38,351 - God, what a state I was. - I can imagine. 339 00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:42,797 But now that I have apologised to you... Also, I have spoken to your good lady... 340 00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:46,509 ...and I told her, sir, that it is a terrible thing to have happened... 341 00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:48,830 ...and I am sorry deep down inside of me. 342 00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:50,956 - Enjoy yourself. - Thank you, sir. 343 00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:54,032 - Thank you for listening to me. - It's all right. 344 00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:58,511 General, about this Wac. I asked her to go out with me one night... 345 00:50:30,720 --> 00:50:33,951 Brandy or... cr�me de cacao, sir? 346 00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:35,758 Yes. 347 00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:58,517 Clutterbuck's a big man. He could make a star out of me. 348 00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:00,750 Put the drink down and listen to me. 349 00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:18,592 - Oh. I beg your pardon. - That's all right. 350 00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:33,080 - It is occupied. - Oh. 351 00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,960 Do you speak Hindustani? 352 00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:43,031 No. 353 00:52:52,240 --> 00:52:54,231 Oh, excuse me, please. 354 00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:05,951 Hey, close the door, man! 355 00:54:34,720 --> 00:54:38,952 - Look, I told the General you'd sing. - Well, I'd rather not do it tonight. 356 00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:41,349 Why not? 357 00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:44,989 - The orchestra is gone. - There's a guitar. You play the guitar? 358 00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:47,799 - Yes. - Then you play the guitar and you sing. 359 00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:49,950 Hey, waiter, come over here. 360 00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:54,272 You're gonna be a smash. Don't worry about a thing. 361 00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:56,635 See that guitar? Go get it. 362 00:54:56,720 --> 00:54:58,711 Get the guitar. 363 00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:49,758 # Nothing to lose... 364 00:55:49,840 --> 00:55:53,992 # If we are wise... 365 00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:59,996 # We're not expecting rainbow-coloured skies... 366 00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:04,148 # Not right away... 367 00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:10,514 # Nothing to lose... 368 00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:14,629 # It might be fun... 369 00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:20,876 # No talk of spending lifetimes in the sun... 370 00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:25,957 # Although we may... 371 00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:29,638 # Both you and I have seen... 372 00:56:29,720 --> 00:56:33,918 # What time can do... 373 00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:38,078 # We'll only hurt ourselves... 374 00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:43,678 # If we build dreams that don't come true... 375 00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:48,273 # What can we lose? 376 00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:52,399 # We know the score... 377 00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:55,597 # Let's wait before we talk... 378 00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:58,639 # Of evermore... 379 00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:03,510 # One day we may... 380 00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:06,993 # Nothing to lose... 381 00:57:07,080 --> 00:57:11,153 # But much to gain if love... 382 00:57:11,240 --> 00:57:15,438 # Decides to stay... 383 00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:23,519 # Both you and I have seen... 384 00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:27,912 # What time can do... 385 00:57:29,040 --> 00:57:31,918 # We'll only hurt ourselves... 386 00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:37,950 # If we build dreams that don't come true... 387 00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:42,238 # What can we lose? 388 00:57:42,320 --> 00:57:45,915 # We know the score... 389 00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:49,670 # Let's wait before we talk... 390 00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:51,751 # Of evermore... 391 00:57:53,840 --> 00:57:57,071 # One day we may... 392 00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:00,798 # Nothing to lose... 393 00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:05,032 # But much to gain if love... 394 00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:09,511 # Decides to stay... 395 00:58:10,520 --> 00:58:13,318 # Nothing to lose... 396 00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:33,799 - Well, how do you like her, General? - Great. 397 00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:37,270 - How about you, Bernie? She's great! - I think she's really great. 398 00:58:57,040 --> 00:59:01,272 All right, you win, partener. You win. 399 00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:07,956 I'm tellin' you, he thought you were terrific. He was very impressed. 400 00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:12,830 So tomorrow's test will be just a formality. We wanna see what you look like on film. 401 00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:16,310 Trust me. Here, we can talk. It's a little quieter in here. 402 00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:19,915 - Oh, Charlie, this is the bedroom. - Ah, it is the bedroom! 403 00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:22,434 - Come on, baby. - Why don't we go back downstairs? 404 00:59:22,520 --> 00:59:26,513 Too much noise. Let's sit on the bed. 405 00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:29,319 Let's sit down. That's it. That's a good girl. 406 00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:35,272 - Charlie! Please, don't do that. - Just one little kiss. 407 00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:37,351 Charlie! 408 00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:41,910 - Gimme my gun! - Thank you, partner. 409 00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:46,157 - Where are you goin'? - Attention! 410 00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:50,151 Just forget it. Just forget it. 411 00:59:51,720 --> 00:59:53,711 Charlie... 412 00:59:56,440 --> 00:59:59,000 Knock it off and hit the sack! 413 01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:09,591 Cookie! 414 01:04:34,080 --> 01:04:36,072 Who's in the head? 415 01:05:28,400 --> 01:05:30,391 Help! 416 01:05:33,720 --> 01:05:36,871 Please! Come and help. There's someone in the pool. 417 01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:39,030 - What can I do for you? - Hurry up. 418 01:05:39,120 --> 01:05:42,157 - Oh, hey, little buddy! - American aid, partener! 419 01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:45,437 Great night for a dip! That feller has a heap of jollies... 420 01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:47,829 - He's drowning! - He's drownin'? 421 01:05:47,920 --> 01:05:50,195 Hrundi, are you drownin'? 422 01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:53,477 Great leapin' pollywogs! That little gal's got spunk! 423 01:05:53,560 --> 01:05:57,473 Get him, gal! Grab him by the wigwam! I'll wait right here for ya! 424 01:05:57,560 --> 01:06:00,358 Come on, honey. Bring him over here. 425 01:06:00,440 --> 01:06:02,431 Get ahold of him. 426 01:06:21,680 --> 01:06:26,276 Bartender, we been fishin'. Caught ourselves a little Injun. 427 01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:28,954 - Oh, no, I don't drink. - Come on. 428 01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:32,749 - It'll do you good, partner. - Right down the old hatch. 429 01:06:32,840 --> 01:06:37,516 There you go. That'll straighten you right out. You'll feel better. 430 01:06:37,600 --> 01:06:42,116 - Just a little bit more. - There you go. How about a little more? 431 01:06:42,200 --> 01:06:45,192 - No, I'm perfectly all right. - Good. 432 01:06:46,440 --> 01:06:48,829 Looks like little buddy went bye-bye. 433 01:06:54,120 --> 01:06:56,315 Poor darling. You stay there and... 434 01:06:56,400 --> 01:07:00,712 Well, I don't know what we can do, but perhaps we can at least dry it out for you. 435 01:07:00,800 --> 01:07:02,791 Oh, dear. Honestly! 436 01:07:04,040 --> 01:07:08,192 Come in! Your tie looks like a salamander's tongue that got stepped on. 437 01:07:08,280 --> 01:07:10,077 - Hiya, honey. - Is he all right? 438 01:07:10,160 --> 01:07:12,594 He's just a little wet. You got some dry duds? 439 01:07:12,680 --> 01:07:17,071 Surely. I'll get something of Fred's. 440 01:07:17,840 --> 01:07:19,876 Here, darling. Put this on him. 441 01:07:19,960 --> 01:07:23,555 - Now you get out of those wet clothes. - I love the wet clothes! 442 01:07:23,640 --> 01:07:26,279 Thank you for a marvellous party! Whoa! 443 01:07:28,440 --> 01:07:32,911 Fred, darling, I had to loan him your terry. He's soaking wet. This is hers, not his. 444 01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:36,629 Oh, darling, do hurry because the Russians will be here any minute. 445 01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:40,030 - The Russians? - The dancers, darling. The ballet! 446 01:07:45,960 --> 01:07:48,269 - Come on, sidekick. - No, no. 447 01:07:50,520 --> 01:07:52,351 Kelso, would you mind... 448 01:07:52,440 --> 01:07:54,749 - What are you doing? - I am not doing anything. 449 01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:57,593 - You're wetting the bed. - I am not wetting the bed. 450 01:07:57,680 --> 01:08:00,035 My clothes are wetting the bed. 451 01:08:00,120 --> 01:08:04,318 - This is the big chief here. - Oh! Big chief speak with forked tongue. 452 01:08:04,400 --> 01:08:07,551 Partener, he's a... He's a TV partener. 453 01:08:07,640 --> 01:08:11,872 - I'll hold him. You get his pants down. - All right. 454 01:08:11,960 --> 01:08:16,078 - Come here, lovely man. I love you. - I got something dry over here. 455 01:08:19,520 --> 01:08:22,114 Here, Wild Bill, you take off your coat... 456 01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:25,591 No, no, no, no! 457 01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:28,275 Oh, no, Wild Bill! No, no! 458 01:08:35,880 --> 01:08:41,273 - Get up off the floor. - I got him. Slippery little critter, ain't he? 459 01:08:43,120 --> 01:08:45,714 - Oh, you naughty man! - Here, put this on. 460 01:08:46,400 --> 01:08:48,391 - Put these on. - Why? Why? 461 01:08:48,480 --> 01:08:51,631 Can you handle him? I have to go downstairs. Take care of it. 462 01:08:51,720 --> 01:08:54,188 - I'll handle it. - Wild Bill, why do you want... 463 01:08:54,280 --> 01:08:58,876 - Little sidekick, put these dry clothes on. - All right. I will put them on. 464 01:08:58,960 --> 01:09:03,397 Good idea. I gotta get downstairs before Conchita cools off. 465 01:09:03,480 --> 01:09:07,837 You come down with wet clothes on, I'll stomp you and the horse you ride in on. 466 01:09:07,920 --> 01:09:10,229 - Got that? - Buddy... Partner buddy. 467 01:09:10,320 --> 01:09:12,993 I'll see you, little buddy. 468 01:09:13,080 --> 01:09:16,755 Oh! You got me right in the pantaloons, partener! 469 01:09:16,840 --> 01:09:20,116 Adios! Hold on, Conchita! I'm comin'! 470 01:09:20,200 --> 01:09:22,191 Adios, partener. 471 01:09:23,040 --> 01:09:25,031 Oh, no... 472 01:11:03,920 --> 01:11:05,911 Hello. 473 01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:11,031 Hello. 474 01:11:11,120 --> 01:11:13,475 You are having some difficulty? 475 01:11:14,240 --> 01:11:16,231 No. 476 01:11:17,640 --> 01:11:19,631 Are you sure? 477 01:11:22,960 --> 01:11:24,951 Well... 478 01:11:25,680 --> 01:11:27,671 - Excuse me. - Yes. 479 01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:43,039 You know that I don't think you are being entirely honest with me? 480 01:11:44,960 --> 01:11:46,951 No. 481 01:11:47,520 --> 01:11:49,511 Ah. 482 01:11:57,400 --> 01:11:59,391 We have a saying in India. 483 01:12:03,560 --> 01:12:05,551 - Yes? - Yes. 484 01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:10,677 - Well? - Well what? 485 01:12:16,480 --> 01:12:20,314 You were saying something about a saying? 486 01:12:20,960 --> 01:12:22,473 Oh, yes. 487 01:12:24,440 --> 01:12:27,034 What is it? 488 01:12:32,640 --> 01:12:36,030 "Wisdom... is the province of the aged... 489 01:12:37,880 --> 01:12:41,475 ...but the heart of a child is pure. " 490 01:12:44,400 --> 01:12:47,153 That's very pretty. 491 01:12:48,040 --> 01:12:51,032 I'm not sure I know what it means. 492 01:12:51,840 --> 01:12:54,229 Neither do I. 493 01:12:56,720 --> 01:12:59,075 What does it have to do with me? 494 01:13:00,080 --> 01:13:02,878 Well, it has everything to do with you. 495 01:13:02,960 --> 01:13:06,475 - For one thing, it stopped you crying. - It's true. 496 01:13:06,560 --> 01:13:08,869 I feel better. Thank you very much. 497 01:13:08,960 --> 01:13:12,953 - Don't thank me. Thank my saying. - Thank you, saying. 498 01:13:14,040 --> 01:13:16,270 - Do you want to hear another saying? - Yes. 499 01:13:16,360 --> 01:13:19,318 This is a good one because it will help you to remember... 500 01:13:19,400 --> 01:13:21,994 ...how many days there are in each month. 501 01:13:22,080 --> 01:13:26,358 It goes like this: "30 days have September, October, June and February. " 502 01:13:26,440 --> 01:13:31,514 "All the rest got 29 except my brother, who got six months. " 503 01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:38,756 Aha. Just what I thought. 504 01:13:38,840 --> 01:13:40,831 I've been lookin' all over for you. 505 01:13:40,920 --> 01:13:44,037 - Get your clothes. We're gonna leave. - I don't think so. 506 01:13:44,120 --> 01:13:48,272 Look, you came with me. You're gonna leave with me. Now get your clothes. 507 01:13:48,360 --> 01:13:51,079 - No. - Don't say no to me! Now get your stuff. 508 01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:53,116 - Go on! - Mr Divot, please... 509 01:13:53,200 --> 01:13:57,159 - Just stay out of this, buddy. - If she wishes to remain, that is her right. 510 01:13:57,240 --> 01:14:01,518 - Just who do you think you are? - In India, we know who we are. 511 01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:04,433 - You're meshuga! - I am not your sugar. 512 01:14:05,760 --> 01:14:08,877 Baby, you decide. You wanna come with me or stay with this guy? 513 01:14:08,960 --> 01:14:12,032 - I want to stay. - You're gonna stay with him, huh? 514 01:14:12,120 --> 01:14:13,758 OK. 515 01:14:13,840 --> 01:14:16,718 Nobody ever does this to me. You hear that? 516 01:14:16,800 --> 01:14:21,954 And forget about that test. You're finished in this business before you even start! 517 01:14:25,840 --> 01:14:29,116 Well, that was a short career, wasn't it? 518 01:14:30,920 --> 01:14:33,229 Oh, don't worry about that. 519 01:14:35,080 --> 01:14:38,709 I'd better find something to put on and call a cab. 520 01:14:38,800 --> 01:14:41,234 No, don't call a cab. Stay at the party. 521 01:14:41,320 --> 01:14:44,437 And after, I'll take you home in my three-wheeler Morgan. 522 01:14:44,520 --> 01:14:47,318 - No. That would be nice, but I can't stay. - Why not? 523 01:14:47,400 --> 01:14:51,916 Well, I... I got myself into a funny situation. 524 01:14:52,000 --> 01:14:54,514 - What, with old Divot? - Yes. 525 01:14:54,600 --> 01:14:56,716 Is that why you were crying? 526 01:14:56,800 --> 01:15:00,156 - Yes. It's not really his fault. - He's a terrible man. 527 01:15:00,240 --> 01:15:02,879 Please, stay. Let's have a wonderful time. 528 01:15:02,960 --> 01:15:05,554 I'd love to, really, but I have nothing to wear. 529 01:15:05,640 --> 01:15:11,033 That's no problem. They have millions of clothes here. Anyway, I've got an idea. 530 01:15:17,200 --> 01:15:20,795 - Who goes there? - Shh! Mr Bakshi and a damsel in distress. 531 01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:24,674 - What do you want? - Well, you look like a man of the world. 532 01:15:24,760 --> 01:15:27,558 This poor lady is urgently in need of some dry clothing... 533 01:15:27,640 --> 01:15:30,359 ...and I perceive that you are both about the same size. 534 01:17:56,320 --> 01:17:57,958 Marvellous! Just marvellous! 535 01:17:58,040 --> 01:18:00,713 Everyone, let's toast our wonderful friends! 536 01:18:28,240 --> 01:18:30,435 - We need to move the bar. - What? 537 01:18:30,520 --> 01:18:33,637 - We have to move the bar! - Oh, I know how to do that! I'll do it. 538 01:18:33,720 --> 01:18:35,870 Oh, no. I'd rather... 539 01:18:35,960 --> 01:18:37,632 Fred, stop him. 540 01:19:20,600 --> 01:19:22,591 Oh! Fred! 541 01:19:31,240 --> 01:19:33,754 - Come on. - Molly, are you sure it's all right? 542 01:19:33,840 --> 01:19:37,230 - Yes! Will you please come? - But your mother is havin' a party! 543 01:19:37,320 --> 01:19:41,916 - What better time to shake 'em up? - You've done some stupid things but... 544 01:20:01,240 --> 01:20:03,470 Hi. 545 01:20:11,440 --> 01:20:14,716 - Hello, Mom. - Darling! Weren't you out protesting? 546 01:20:14,800 --> 01:20:16,950 It's a love-in. Meet some of my friends. 547 01:20:17,040 --> 01:20:20,032 I can't now, darling. I've got all these wet Russians. 548 01:20:20,200 --> 01:20:22,555 But I'll come back and meet your friends. 549 01:20:22,640 --> 01:20:24,756 Oh, there they are, over there. 550 01:20:34,080 --> 01:20:37,868 - General, your wife just fell in the pool. - Get her jewellery. 551 01:20:40,760 --> 01:20:43,797 - Molly, what was that? - An elephant. 552 01:20:43,880 --> 01:20:47,236 - An ele... - Yes. You don't have to be so shook up. 553 01:20:47,760 --> 01:20:50,194 Molly, how could you do such a dreadful thing? 554 01:20:50,280 --> 01:20:53,272 - I didn't mean to offend you. - Now listen here, young lady. 555 01:20:53,360 --> 01:20:56,272 You get that elephant out of this house at once! 556 01:21:07,520 --> 01:21:09,078 - Hello. - Hello. 557 01:21:09,160 --> 01:21:11,469 - How are you? - Fine. Is this your elephant? 558 01:21:11,560 --> 01:21:15,155 - Yes. This is Jongo. - You've done a proper paint job on this! 559 01:21:15,240 --> 01:21:17,390 - You should be ashamed of yourself! - Why? 560 01:21:17,480 --> 01:21:19,357 This is a symbol of my country. 561 01:21:19,440 --> 01:21:23,877 - Don't you paint them in India? - Yes, but we don't paint slogans on them. 562 01:21:23,960 --> 01:21:26,235 He's got "The world is flat" on his forehead... 563 01:21:26,320 --> 01:21:30,313 "Socrates eats hemlock" on the side, and "Go naked" all over his bum! 564 01:21:30,400 --> 01:21:34,791 - We didn't mean to be disrespectful. - But it's humiliating. They know. 565 01:21:34,880 --> 01:21:37,633 How would you like it if an Indian person came along... 566 01:21:37,720 --> 01:21:41,429 ...and drew a moustache on your ladybirds? It's the same thing, isn't it? 567 01:21:41,520 --> 01:21:45,433 - I'm awfully sorry. What should we do? - Get some water and wash it off. 568 01:21:45,520 --> 01:21:48,159 Wash it, scrub it, get it off, hose it off... 569 01:21:48,240 --> 01:21:51,232 Hey, gang! We're gonna wash the elephant! 570 01:22:33,240 --> 01:22:35,151 How many times I gotta tell you? 571 01:22:35,240 --> 01:22:39,199 You ain't never gonna find anything in here half as sweet as I am. 572 01:22:48,720 --> 01:22:50,870 Take it outside! Come on, let's go! 573 01:22:59,960 --> 01:23:02,520 No! You fainted. Come on! 574 01:23:19,240 --> 01:23:22,550 All right, all right! Everybody out! 575 01:23:39,800 --> 01:23:42,234 Wash it off! Take it all off! 576 01:23:42,880 --> 01:23:44,871 Bakshi! 577 01:23:47,320 --> 01:23:50,869 I knew I knew that guy! I knew it. I knew it. 578 01:23:58,080 --> 01:24:00,594 Hello. Uh... Buckercult... 579 01:24:00,680 --> 01:24:03,433 I wanna talk to the General. This is CS Divot. 580 01:24:04,640 --> 01:24:06,870 No, no! You can't just... 581 01:24:07,120 --> 01:24:10,157 What's goin' on there? 582 01:24:14,040 --> 01:24:16,031 A bit on the ear! 583 01:24:18,160 --> 01:24:21,436 Do you believe that child of mine, bringing home an elephant? 584 01:24:21,520 --> 01:24:23,192 - They're dirty. - Oh, really! 585 01:24:26,640 --> 01:24:29,438 All right! Enough! Enough! 586 01:24:29,520 --> 01:24:33,911 We take him outside now and wash all the soap off! 587 01:24:57,040 --> 01:25:00,157 What do you suppose that awful racket is? I'll be right back. 588 01:25:00,240 --> 01:25:02,356 - I'm not finished. - I've got to see. 589 01:25:02,440 --> 01:25:04,510 God only knows what's happening now! 590 01:25:11,280 --> 01:25:13,271 Mom! What are you doing? 591 01:25:17,520 --> 01:25:20,432 You and I have gotta find someplace to be alone! 592 01:25:20,800 --> 01:25:22,791 Get up! 593 01:25:25,320 --> 01:25:26,992 Save the paintings! 594 01:25:37,840 --> 01:25:39,831 Mom! Are you all right? 595 01:25:48,800 --> 01:25:51,439 Get the paintings. Don't just stand there! 596 01:25:52,320 --> 01:25:56,632 We're certainly having a lot of trouble. 597 01:25:56,720 --> 01:26:01,191 I just never, ever, in all my life... I just never... 598 01:26:21,960 --> 01:26:25,236 Not that one, you idiot! Just the good stuff! Put it back! 599 01:27:21,480 --> 01:27:24,119 We gotta get rid of it. Turn on the air conditioning. 600 01:27:24,200 --> 01:27:28,478 - I'll never make it. - There's a control in the master bedroom. 601 01:27:29,080 --> 01:27:31,071 (# "The Party") 602 01:27:36,520 --> 01:27:43,198 # The party gets groovy and everyone here loses control, yeah... 603 01:27:44,240 --> 01:27:50,156 # Our minds fly away, as the band starts to play we rock and roll... 604 01:27:50,240 --> 01:27:52,151 # Come on, baby, listen to me here now... 605 01:27:52,240 --> 01:27:55,676 # No time for meditations... 606 01:27:56,040 --> 01:27:59,476 # Just feel the wild vibrations... 607 01:27:59,840 --> 01:28:03,071 # We'll learn some new sensations... 608 01:28:03,160 --> 01:28:05,958 # Tonight... 609 01:28:06,040 --> 01:28:09,669 # All night long... 610 01:28:09,960 --> 01:28:13,111 # All night long... 611 01:28:13,200 --> 01:28:14,428 # Yeah! 612 01:28:26,640 --> 01:28:33,557 # The party goes crazy as we see the night turn into day, yeah... 613 01:28:34,160 --> 01:28:40,076 # And that's when you find your inhibited mind is blown away... 614 01:28:40,160 --> 01:28:42,037 # Come on, baby, listen to me here now... 615 01:28:42,120 --> 01:28:45,908 # We'll swing till we're insane here... 616 01:28:46,000 --> 01:28:49,709 # Easy to blow your brain here... 617 01:28:49,800 --> 01:28:53,110 # That's why we'll all remain here... 618 01:28:53,200 --> 01:28:55,839 # Tonight... 619 01:28:56,040 --> 01:28:59,510 # All night long... 620 01:29:00,000 --> 01:29:03,470 # All night long... 621 01:29:03,720 --> 01:29:07,190 # All night long... 622 01:29:07,640 --> 01:29:10,712 # All night long... 623 01:29:22,560 --> 01:29:25,518 - Just a minute, sir. - I'm CS Divot, the producer. 624 01:29:25,600 --> 01:29:30,071 I'm a friend of Mr Clutterbuck's. I gotta tell him something right away. 625 01:29:30,560 --> 01:29:35,191 Hey, what's with the ambulance? 626 01:29:37,360 --> 01:29:39,874 Hey, let's go struggle in the straw, huh? 627 01:29:41,320 --> 01:29:43,515 What the hell is goin' on around here? 628 01:29:43,600 --> 01:29:45,670 Argh! 629 01:29:45,760 --> 01:29:49,958 - Do you believe it? The party isn't over! - Hey, General! 630 01:29:50,040 --> 01:29:52,031 I don't even know how it got started. 631 01:29:52,120 --> 01:29:54,839 - We've got to do a report. - I'll talk to the governor. 632 01:29:54,920 --> 01:29:58,230 - I gotta tell you something! - It was crazy! You should've seen it! 633 01:29:58,320 --> 01:30:01,756 - Alice, baby, do you feel better? - Oh, I'm fine! 634 01:30:01,840 --> 01:30:05,992 - I'm going to be in the aquacade! - That's nice. Don't drop her. 635 01:30:06,080 --> 01:30:09,709 Congressman and Mrs Dunphy, I don't know how to tell you... 636 01:30:09,800 --> 01:30:13,349 It's quite all right. Call me if there's anything I can do. 637 01:30:21,160 --> 01:30:23,151 Mr Clutterbuck... 638 01:30:24,440 --> 01:30:27,193 ...may I apologise to you for the discomfort... 639 01:30:27,280 --> 01:30:29,794 - It's all right. - General, it's him! 640 01:30:29,880 --> 01:30:31,677 - Who? - Bakshi! 641 01:30:31,760 --> 01:30:35,070 He's the idiot who blew up the location! 642 01:30:35,560 --> 01:30:37,551 You got the wrong guy! 643 01:30:44,680 --> 01:30:49,470 Hey, little buddy! Hold on! Here's one of my old Stetsons. It just fits. 644 01:30:49,560 --> 01:30:53,189 And here's an autographed picture of me and my horse Fang. 645 01:31:03,680 --> 01:31:06,240 # Nothing to lose... 646 01:31:06,600 --> 01:31:10,752 # If we are wise... 647 01:31:10,840 --> 01:31:17,439 # We're not expecting rainbow-coloured skies... 648 01:31:18,520 --> 01:31:21,512 # Not right away... 649 01:31:24,760 --> 01:31:27,593 # Nothing to lose... 650 01:31:27,680 --> 01:31:31,798 # It might be fun... 651 01:31:31,880 --> 01:31:37,477 # No talk of spending lifetimes in the sun... 652 01:31:39,680 --> 01:31:42,319 Well, this is where I live. 653 01:31:42,400 --> 01:31:44,391 A beautiful home. 654 01:31:45,960 --> 01:31:49,430 I would ask you to come up but... it's a little late. 655 01:31:49,520 --> 01:31:51,511 Or early. I don't know. 656 01:31:52,800 --> 01:31:55,997 Anyway, I have to get back to feed Apu. 657 01:31:56,440 --> 01:31:58,032 - Apu? - Yes. My monkey. 658 01:31:58,120 --> 01:31:59,712 Oh. 659 01:32:00,080 --> 01:32:03,231 It's a lovely name - For a monkey, anyway. 660 01:32:03,920 --> 01:32:07,117 - He's used to it by now, anyway. - Good. 661 01:32:09,880 --> 01:32:14,351 I would like to say that I enjoyed myself very much last night. 662 01:32:14,440 --> 01:32:16,317 I did too. Very much. 663 01:32:16,400 --> 01:32:19,198 Especially I thought your song was very beautiful. 664 01:32:19,280 --> 01:32:21,271 - You did? - Yes. 665 01:32:21,360 --> 01:32:23,351 Thank you. 666 01:32:27,120 --> 01:32:29,031 - Goodbye. - Goodbye. 667 01:32:29,120 --> 01:32:31,031 Oh. Here's your hat. 668 01:32:31,120 --> 01:32:34,112 Oh, look... You keep it. 669 01:32:34,560 --> 01:32:37,313 But you may need it. 670 01:32:37,400 --> 01:32:40,278 No, I'd like you to keep it. 671 01:32:40,360 --> 01:32:42,191 All right. 672 01:32:42,280 --> 01:32:45,078 If you should want it or need it sometimes... 673 01:32:45,160 --> 01:32:49,870 Well... if I need it, I could always come perhaps and pick it up. 674 01:32:50,880 --> 01:32:52,438 That would be very nice. 675 01:32:52,520 --> 01:32:56,069 When would you be available for me to pick up my hat? 676 01:32:56,160 --> 01:32:59,789 Well... Maybe next week. 677 01:33:00,600 --> 01:33:02,989 - I'll come and get it then. - OK. 678 01:33:03,080 --> 01:33:07,119 - I would love to have my hat back. - Goodbye. 679 01:33:08,119 --> 01:33:18,119 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org