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Subtitles by <font color="#ff0000">explosiveskull</font>

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It's okay.

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You're gonna love it.

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Happy first day of school.

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Bye, sweetie.

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- Hi!
- Hi.

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Hey. I'm Sam.

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Hi. I'm Julie.

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- Bye.
- Bye, Mom.

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I'm Hunter.

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Sam's mine right there.

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The one with the glasses.

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I'm Lisa.

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That's my Julie.

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I'm Mitchell.

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Kayla's hero.

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Oh, are you okay?

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- Yeah, yeah.
- You crying?

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No, man, it's a...
big day, that's all.

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- Yeah.
- You know, can I have a tissue, please?

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- Yeah, yeah.
- Thank you.

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- It's a big day for all of us.
- Yeah.

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Thanks.

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Come on, let's go!

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I think our daughters
are friends.

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- I'm so excited!
- Me, too.

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And I think that means
we're friends.

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Should we go get a drink?

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You okay?

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- Yeah.
- Yeah.

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- Yeah.
- Do you guys want to go get a drink?

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Just... Ah, they made it.

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You guys want to go grab
a drink real quick?

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Is he asking us if we want
to go grab a drink?

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I'm really hoping it's coffee.

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- Aah! That's so...
- Shut the fuck up.

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Happy Halloween!

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I can see Russia from my house.

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- Red Vines!
- Red Vines!

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Red Vines!

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That's right!

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Hey, hey, Hunter, get out, man.

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Put your seat belts on!

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Oh, my God!

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- Surprise!
- Surprise!

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No way! Thank you, Mom!

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Thank you so much!

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Be careful.

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Absolutely gorgeous out.

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You're probably gonna miss
these mornings

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that we spend together, right?

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Stop.
You're gonna make me cry.

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And I don't want to cry,
because it's prom night.

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And it's supposed to be,
like, the most magical night

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of your life, and, you know,

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I'm just so anxious about it.

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Well, call me
if you feel anxious.

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Or maybe FaceTime me,
if it wasn't too loud.

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I mean, if it was too loud,
you could just...

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we could wave or whatever.

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That'd be funny.

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And then I can do...
You know what I was thinking?

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You should send me photos
throughout the night.

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Like, not...
not, like, all night long,

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but if you could do it
like every 30 minutes or so,

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then I can put together
one of those iBooks.

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- That would be so fun.
- Yeah.

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That would be a really...

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I don't think
you would regret that.

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- Mom?
- Mm-hmm?

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Are you gonna be okay
when I go to college?

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Who, me?

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Yeah.

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Me?

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What?

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Pl-Please.

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Don't even get me...

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Don't even...

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Please.

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Okay, bye, Mom!

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- Okay, bye.
- I love you.

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Okay, I love you.

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<i>Oh, good, you did the laundry.</i>

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Yeah, and got a totally sleepy,
happy baby.

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Full-blown Renaissance man.

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- Oh.
- Believe it.

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It's a good thing
she's asleep, too.

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I was going through
the laundry.

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- Uh-huh.
- Found these new thongs.

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You know what I'm gonna do
with these?

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Paging Dr. Muff Diver.
Dr. Muff Diver, you're needed

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in the O.R. immediately.

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Emergency surgery.
Later on tonight,

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I'm tearing these off
with my teeth

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like an old-school
cartoon billy goat.

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Honey.

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Mitchell.

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Those are your daughter's.

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No way. Kayla wears cleats
and Bears jerseys,

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not some dirty
stripper underwear.

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You thought they were mine.

102
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What, am I giving her allowance
in singles?

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Go tell her
she can't wear these.

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Tell her
they'll make her sterile,

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like with the laptop
and my brother's balls.

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We're not sure that's what
happened with your brother.

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Honey, you're being ridiculous.

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Kayla's becoming a woman.
This isn't the time

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to tighten your grip;
it's the time to loosen it.

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This? This means
we tighten the grip.

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This isn't built for comfort;
it's built for speed.

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We need to slow it
the fuck down.

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The appliances go in
after the backsplash.

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We've done it the same way
every time.

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Uh-huh. All right,
put him on the phone.

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I'm in the bathroom.

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Thanks.
I was looking for that.

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You mind telling me
what this is?

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- Uh, fuzz.
- Yeah.

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Yeah, fuzz.
That's what I thought it was,

121
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and then upon further
investigation,

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it is clearly an unraveled
filter of a cigarette.

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Kayla, are you a... a smoker?

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What? No.

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Not a smoker, Dad.

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Hey, haven't you seen the
billions of ads that tell you

127
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- not to do this stuff?
- Dad!

128
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You can't teach someone
not to try things, okay?

129
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That's what trying things
is for... to teach you things.

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It's a contradiction.

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It's like telling me

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not to go for a triple
on a base hit to the gap

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when I've made a good turn
around first

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and I know that the
right fielder has a weak arm.

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Damn it, you're smart.

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Okay. Yeah, all right.

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Time to get ready
for school, Dad.

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Okay, all right.

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Julie! Sam!

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Hey, girl!

141
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Whoa!

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- I almost died.
- Prom night!

143
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Prom!

144
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I'm so, so excited.

145
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Oh, me, too.

146
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Mm. I love you.

147
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I love you, too.

148
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All right.

149
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- We're so gross.
- I know.

150
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People are looking at us.

151
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- I don't care.
- We better get

152
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"cutest couple"
in the yearbook.

153
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I'm having sex.

154
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That's great.

155
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I'm having soup.

156
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No.

157
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Tonight with Austin.

158
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- Wait, you're finally gonna do it?
- Yeah.

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I mean, you know, we've been
dating for six months,

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and we love each other,

161
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and I just awkwardly
got my pediatrician

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to put me on birth control.

163
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She gave me a sticker.

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Two because I was good, so...

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I know it's, like, kind of
corny or whatever, but it just

166
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seems like prom night...

167
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it's kind of perfect, you know?

168
00:07:58,927 --> 00:08:00,426
We're gonna have, like,

169
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dim lighting
and rose petals on the bed

170
00:08:03,865 --> 00:08:05,966
and the scent from that candle
that gets me horny

171
00:08:05,968 --> 00:08:07,433
every time I pass it
in Walgreens.

172
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All candles get me horny.

173
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I'm gonna look
into Austin's eyes,

174
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and then he's gonna look
into mine,

175
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and then we're gonna, like,

176
00:08:15,177 --> 00:08:16,810
touch each other's faces,
you know?

177
00:08:16,812 --> 00:08:18,445
For, like, a long time.

178
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Like, a long time.

179
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Just to, like, connect.

180
00:08:21,817 --> 00:08:24,250
And then we're gonna...

181
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Kapow.

182
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All right, fuck it, I'm in.

183
00:08:29,225 --> 00:08:30,591
- What?
- I'm in.

184
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,858
I'm having sex tonight, too.

185
00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:33,594
Uh... just like that?

186
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:34,594
Yeah. I mean, why not?

187
00:08:34,596 --> 00:08:36,296
Because it's your first time,

188
00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:38,998
and your first time
should be special and perfect.

189
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,367
Yours can be special
and perfect.

190
00:08:40,369 --> 00:08:44,238
Mine is gonna be tonight
and with that dude.

191
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:45,940
Yeah, they're just brownies.
They're not, like...

192
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,074
Connor Aldrich?
Your lab partner?

193
00:08:48,076 --> 00:08:50,109
- Yeah. What?
- You haven't even hooked up with him.

194
00:08:50,111 --> 00:08:51,579
You haven't even
seen his thing yet.

195
00:08:51,581 --> 00:08:53,012
What if he has a weird one?

196
00:08:53,014 --> 00:08:54,113
They're all weird.

197
00:08:54,115 --> 00:08:55,882
Penises are not for looking at.

198
00:08:55,884 --> 00:08:57,450
They're for use.
They're like plungers.

199
00:08:57,452 --> 00:09:00,153
Listen, my student athlete days
are over.

200
00:09:00,155 --> 00:09:01,988
Tonight is the beginning
of my adult life,

201
00:09:01,990 --> 00:09:04,557
and for the first time
I can do whatever I want.

202
00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:06,960
So I want to go to prom,
get drunk,

203
00:09:06,962 --> 00:09:10,097
get potted up on weed
and lose my goddamn virginity.

204
00:09:10,099 --> 00:09:11,965
We're gonna have the same
first-time-sex anniversary.

205
00:09:11,967 --> 00:09:13,600
We can go to dinner every year
and commemorate it.

206
00:09:13,602 --> 00:09:15,603
- Olive Garden.
- Yes! Olive Garden.

207
00:09:15,605 --> 00:09:17,171
Breadsticks for life, bitch.

208
00:09:17,173 --> 00:09:19,473
- Yeah!
- Oh, my God, it is gonna be

209
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:23,046
such a relief to get this over
and done with before college.

210
00:09:24,212 --> 00:09:26,280
Um, no, I mean, like...

211
00:09:26,282 --> 00:09:27,647
No, it's cool.

212
00:09:27,649 --> 00:09:29,282
I just don't think
I'm there yet.

213
00:09:29,284 --> 00:09:31,252
You know, maybe something
might happen tonight

214
00:09:31,254 --> 00:09:34,254
with me and Chad, but, uh,

215
00:09:34,256 --> 00:09:37,193
I don't think sex
is gonna be that thing.

216
00:09:44,634 --> 00:09:45,634
Sam?

217
00:09:49,205 --> 00:09:51,638
But you never know
what could happen.

218
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,141
I mean, maybe
my inner sexual Smaug

219
00:09:54,143 --> 00:09:56,846
will emerge from its keep
and spread its mighty wings.

220
00:09:58,380 --> 00:10:00,347
I never know
what you're talking about.

221
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:02,315
Yeah, I... me, neither.

222
00:10:10,659 --> 00:10:12,596
Oh, my God.

223
00:10:26,075 --> 00:10:28,278
Julie, is that you?

224
00:10:34,984 --> 00:10:37,017
So realistic.

225
00:10:40,188 --> 00:10:42,324
Ugh. God.

226
00:10:45,327 --> 00:10:47,194
Come on, Sam, we're waiting.

227
00:10:47,196 --> 00:10:48,999
Be right there!

228
00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:51,998
- There she is.
- All right, took me 20 minutes

229
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,434
to figure out how to do
video on this thing,

230
00:10:53,436 --> 00:10:54,535
but I finally got it.

231
00:10:54,537 --> 00:10:56,002
Oh!

232
00:10:56,004 --> 00:10:57,603
Nope. Took a picture of myself.

233
00:10:57,605 --> 00:10:59,973
Siri, video, please.

234
00:10:59,975 --> 00:11:02,276
Wow! That Chad is going to rip

235
00:11:02,278 --> 00:11:04,111
through his little
tuxedo pants.

236
00:11:04,113 --> 00:11:06,046
- Mom. That's gross.
- What?

237
00:11:06,048 --> 00:11:08,147
- Why?
- 'Cause you're practically imagining

238
00:11:08,149 --> 00:11:09,717
your daughter
in sexual congress.

239
00:11:09,719 --> 00:11:11,017
You sicko.

240
00:11:11,019 --> 00:11:12,585
Ah!

241
00:11:12,587 --> 00:11:14,588
I was just trying
to connect with you.

242
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,991
You never talk to us anymore.

243
00:11:16,993 --> 00:11:19,696
- Hey, I got this.
- Okay.

244
00:11:23,666 --> 00:11:25,232
Prom night, huh?

245
00:11:25,234 --> 00:11:28,167
I got sad and reflective
on my prom night, too.

246
00:11:28,169 --> 00:11:29,636
- You were?
- Yeah. I was scared I wasn't

247
00:11:29,638 --> 00:11:31,305
gonna stay friends
with the guys I had

248
00:11:31,307 --> 00:11:33,373
been around most of my life,
but I was able to...

249
00:11:33,375 --> 00:11:34,708
- Hey, baby, I love you so much.
- What?

250
00:11:34,710 --> 00:11:35,776
You just really
freaked her out.

251
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,643
Sweetie, if you're worried

252
00:11:37,645 --> 00:11:40,781
about that at all,
just know you shouldn't be.

253
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,416
You never stay friends
with people from high school.

254
00:11:43,418 --> 00:11:45,151
I mean, the oldest friend
I have is Jan

255
00:11:45,153 --> 00:11:46,686
from work, and I've known her
for three months.

256
00:11:46,688 --> 00:11:48,522
- Who's Jan?
- You know Jan, babe.

257
00:11:48,524 --> 00:11:50,290
She draws those silly cartoons.

258
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:52,725
- Oh, racist Jan.
- Yeah, that's the one.

259
00:11:52,727 --> 00:11:56,030
Who you are today
is not who you're going to be.

260
00:11:56,032 --> 00:11:57,730
And that's okay.

261
00:11:57,732 --> 00:12:00,199
- That's good therapy.
- And who you become will be

262
00:12:00,201 --> 00:12:02,669
so different that your friends
won't understand you anymore,

263
00:12:02,671 --> 00:12:04,338
and then you will wake up
and realize

264
00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:05,738
these friendships are over.

265
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:07,741
This feels like
a very painful divorce,

266
00:12:07,743 --> 00:12:09,675
just like the one I had
with your father,

267
00:12:09,677 --> 00:12:11,677
but then you'll find a Frank.

268
00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:14,815
Uh, I appreciate that,
but that's not my deal.

269
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:17,483
I'm still cool
with a lot of my boys because

270
00:12:17,485 --> 00:12:20,387
on prom night,
me, Dennis, Matt and Cory

271
00:12:20,389 --> 00:12:23,690
all convinced our friend Steve
to join the Army.

272
00:12:23,692 --> 00:12:25,626
He fought
in the Persian Gulf War.

273
00:12:25,628 --> 00:12:27,493
He died right away.

274
00:12:27,495 --> 00:12:29,162
But once you go through

275
00:12:29,164 --> 00:12:31,464
something like that,
you're bonded for life.

276
00:12:31,466 --> 00:12:34,667
The bedrock of deep,
meaningful friendships

277
00:12:34,669 --> 00:12:36,205
is shared experience.

278
00:12:37,706 --> 00:12:40,576
I thought they were gonna
put him in the Reserves.

279
00:12:44,212 --> 00:12:46,716
That is some horseshit.

280
00:12:51,754 --> 00:12:53,322
Hmm.

281
00:12:59,727 --> 00:13:01,795
Wow.

282
00:13:01,797 --> 00:13:03,863
You look so beautiful.

283
00:13:03,865 --> 00:13:06,269
Turn around.

284
00:13:07,669 --> 00:13:10,204
Wow.

285
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,637
Oh, my goodness.

286
00:13:11,639 --> 00:13:13,107
Wow.

287
00:13:13,109 --> 00:13:16,642
So, what's the big plan
for after prom?

288
00:13:16,644 --> 00:13:18,512
Uh, we're just going
to Austin's.

289
00:13:18,514 --> 00:13:19,780
You really like him, huh?

290
00:13:19,782 --> 00:13:21,681
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he's...

291
00:13:21,683 --> 00:13:23,617
Yeah, he's cool. It's not,
like, serious or anything.

292
00:13:23,619 --> 00:13:26,219
His mom told me
he got into UCLA.

293
00:13:26,221 --> 00:13:28,722
- That's nice.
- Yeah, I mean, it's good.

294
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,824
You remember that time
when, like,

295
00:13:30,826 --> 00:13:33,160
I thought about going to UCLA?

296
00:13:33,162 --> 00:13:35,395
Yes.
That would have been crazy.

297
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,263
That would have been
the worst mistake ever.

298
00:13:37,265 --> 00:13:39,900
I don't think it would have
been that huge of a mistake.

299
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:42,736
Uh, yes, it would have.

300
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:44,570
University of Chicago
is perfect.

301
00:13:44,572 --> 00:13:46,906
It's 45 minutes away.

302
00:13:46,908 --> 00:13:50,576
So that way you're gone,
but you're not "gone" gone.

303
00:13:50,578 --> 00:13:52,445
But I'm gone.

304
00:13:52,447 --> 00:13:54,614
Right, but not, like, gone.

305
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:56,617
Right, but, like,
I'm going to college,

306
00:13:56,619 --> 00:13:58,618
and, like,
I'm not gonna live at home,

307
00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:00,521
so I'm, like... I'm gone.

308
00:14:00,523 --> 00:14:02,321
Mm-hmm.

309
00:14:02,323 --> 00:14:04,892
Why are my boobs so big?

310
00:14:04,894 --> 00:14:06,863
- Ready, Kayla?
- Yup.

311
00:14:08,697 --> 00:14:10,631
And now...

312
00:14:10,633 --> 00:14:12,199
...standing at five foot,
seven inches...

313
00:14:12,201 --> 00:14:13,699
five, nine if you count
the heels...

314
00:14:13,701 --> 00:14:16,302
straight out
of Great Lakes High School,

315
00:14:16,304 --> 00:14:18,405
the prettiest girl
in all of prom...

316
00:14:18,407 --> 00:14:20,574
Kayla Mannes!

317
00:14:23,846 --> 00:14:26,546
Uh... just high fives
from now on.

318
00:14:26,548 --> 00:14:28,315
- Okay.
- Oh, honey, I never thought

319
00:14:28,317 --> 00:14:29,616
I'd see you in a dress.

320
00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,551
Technically,
it's not a full dress.

321
00:14:31,553 --> 00:14:33,487
Some material is missing
from the middle there.

322
00:14:33,489 --> 00:14:34,521
Okay.

323
00:14:34,523 --> 00:14:35,555
You look great.

324
00:14:35,557 --> 00:14:36,690
All right.

325
00:14:36,692 --> 00:14:37,925
Yeah, I think it's time to go.

326
00:14:37,927 --> 00:14:38,925
Yes. Yeah.

327
00:14:38,927 --> 00:14:40,493
Honey, we got to go.

328
00:14:40,495 --> 00:14:42,228
Honey?

329
00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:44,330
Dad, are you okay?

330
00:14:44,332 --> 00:14:47,401
It's like when
he watched <i>Frozen.</i>

331
00:14:47,403 --> 00:14:48,502
Come on.

332
00:14:50,339 --> 00:14:51,905
<i>Hi. How are you?</i>

333
00:14:51,907 --> 00:14:52,940
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?

334
00:14:52,942 --> 00:14:53,940
Oh, Sam.

335
00:14:53,942 --> 00:14:55,209
Hi, Marcie.

336
00:14:55,211 --> 00:14:56,776
Oh. Oh, oh.

337
00:14:56,778 --> 00:14:58,545
- Hey, Mitchell.
- Hey. Haven't seen you in a while.

338
00:14:58,547 --> 00:14:59,979
- Yeah.
- You know, I was worried

339
00:14:59,981 --> 00:15:02,215
when I never heard back
from you about hot yoga.

340
00:15:02,217 --> 00:15:03,483
Called you a bunch of times.

341
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:05,986
- I ended up having to eat that two-for-one Groupon.
- Oh, yeah.

342
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,621
I don't really do
the hot yoga thing.

343
00:15:07,623 --> 00:15:09,690
- It's just...
- Well, we should catch up, though, right?

344
00:15:09,692 --> 00:15:11,557
- Yeah.
- Like a lunch. I don't know.

345
00:15:11,559 --> 00:15:13,459
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, give me a call.

346
00:15:13,461 --> 00:15:14,795
- I've been calling you.
- Mm-hmm.

347
00:15:14,797 --> 00:15:16,496
Doesn't work.

348
00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:17,767
It's not effective.

349
00:15:33,749 --> 00:15:35,315
I don't even know. Wait, wait, wait.

350
00:15:35,317 --> 00:15:36,717
- Oh, my gosh, thank you.
- You guys, you guys.

351
00:15:36,719 --> 00:15:38,252
Wait, this is, like,
the best lighting

352
00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:39,719
with the Valencia filter,
so wait, wait.

353
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:41,754
Oh, God. All right, here we go.

354
00:15:41,756 --> 00:15:42,989
- Yeah, okay, that's enough.
- One more.

355
00:15:42,991 --> 00:15:44,424
- We're good.
- Oh, my God.

356
00:15:44,426 --> 00:15:45,825
We need to get
this party started.

357
00:15:45,827 --> 00:15:46,959
- Ooh! Okay, Julie.
- Hmm?

358
00:15:46,961 --> 00:15:48,331
I got you something.

359
00:15:49,465 --> 00:15:50,863
It's coconut oil.

360
00:15:50,865 --> 00:15:52,299
For lube.

361
00:15:52,301 --> 00:15:53,967
I hear it works just as well

362
00:15:53,969 --> 00:15:56,036
and it makes blow jobs
taste like Almond Joy.

363
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,970
Thank God it doesn't
taste like Mounds.

364
00:15:57,972 --> 00:16:00,473
I'd rather eat ten dicks
than one Mound.

365
00:16:00,475 --> 00:16:03,276
- Mm.
- But thank you. That's so sweet.

366
00:16:03,278 --> 00:16:04,177
- Oh!
- Aw!

367
00:16:04,179 --> 00:16:05,845
- Oh, my God, I'm so excited.
- Me, too.

368
00:16:05,847 --> 00:16:07,848
- Oh, my God!
- You have to text me, like, right away.

369
00:16:07,850 --> 00:16:09,682
Oh, my God, we're gonna be
doing it at the same time.

370
00:16:09,684 --> 00:16:11,417
Oh, my God. We have
to talk about it tomorrow.

371
00:16:11,419 --> 00:16:12,486
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, every detail.

372
00:16:12,488 --> 00:16:13,753
- There's gonna be so much to talk about.
- Guys?

373
00:16:13,755 --> 00:16:16,290
Hey, guys.

374
00:16:16,292 --> 00:16:18,658
I want in on this sex pact.

375
00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:21,762
Are you sure? You don't have
to do this just because we are.

376
00:16:21,764 --> 00:16:23,296
No, that's not why.

377
00:16:23,298 --> 00:16:25,866
I want to have sex. Yeah.

378
00:16:25,868 --> 00:16:28,435
That's something
all three of us have in common.

379
00:16:28,437 --> 00:16:29,636
- Mm-hmm.
- Chad is gonna

380
00:16:29,638 --> 00:16:33,973
tap that ass with his penis.

381
00:16:33,975 --> 00:16:37,310
And I doubt we'll have anal
the first time, but...

382
00:16:37,312 --> 00:16:39,579
- All right.
- This is gonna make tonight

383
00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:40,446
- even more perfect.
- Yeah.

384
00:16:40,448 --> 00:16:42,382
- It's gonna be the three of us!
- Yes!

385
00:16:43,751 --> 00:16:45,786
Prom night, motherfuckers!

386
00:16:48,356 --> 00:16:50,723
Yeah! Rudy, it's coming up.

387
00:16:50,725 --> 00:16:51,925
Bear left, bro.

388
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:53,560
Yeah! Jesus, Rudy.

389
00:16:53,562 --> 00:16:55,796
What the fuck? Yeah!

390
00:16:55,798 --> 00:16:58,565
Oh, my God,
it's my fucking dad.

391
00:17:04,506 --> 00:17:08,374
Yeah! Prom night, bitches!

392
00:17:11,079 --> 00:17:12,345
- Yeah!
- Oh, God, it's him.

393
00:17:12,347 --> 00:17:13,880
Oh, what's up? Yo!

394
00:17:19,020 --> 00:17:20,953
Taio Cruz.

395
00:17:22,590 --> 00:17:24,423
- You got this, girl.
- Don't mess this up,

396
00:17:24,425 --> 00:17:26,892
because that limo
is totally awesome.

397
00:17:26,894 --> 00:17:29,830
Sam. Sam.

398
00:17:29,832 --> 00:17:31,131
Taio Cruz.

399
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,599
Whew!

400
00:17:35,136 --> 00:17:36,536
Sorry.

401
00:17:36,538 --> 00:17:38,138
Sorry. Ho!

402
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,976
Whew!

403
00:17:47,148 --> 00:17:49,149
You're so grown up.

404
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,851
Dad, what are you doing here?

405
00:17:50,853 --> 00:17:53,386
You think I'm gonna miss
the most important night

406
00:17:53,388 --> 00:17:55,622
of your young life?

407
00:17:55,624 --> 00:17:57,157
- That's graduation.
- No.

408
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,658
Graduation's for losers.

409
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,026
Didn't even go
to my graduation.

410
00:18:00,028 --> 00:18:02,528
But prom night...
that's a big one.

411
00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:04,730
Prom was the best night
of my life.

412
00:18:04,732 --> 00:18:06,132
I think about it every day,

413
00:18:06,134 --> 00:18:08,034
and I want you to have
the same experience.

414
00:18:08,036 --> 00:18:09,902
Tonight, you have fun.
You don't worry

415
00:18:09,904 --> 00:18:12,939
about any rules that your mom
or Frank laid down.

416
00:18:12,941 --> 00:18:14,775
No one gives a fuck
about Frank.

417
00:18:14,777 --> 00:18:16,042
All I know is this...
you look amazing,

418
00:18:16,044 --> 00:18:17,576
and I would love
to grab a quick pic.

419
00:18:17,578 --> 00:18:19,779
No. Go stand
with the other parents,

420
00:18:19,781 --> 00:18:21,614
and try to be normal.

421
00:18:21,616 --> 00:18:23,616
Sam, I'm not a normal parent.
I'm not gonna...

422
00:18:23,618 --> 00:18:25,419
Just... I don't even fucking...

423
00:18:25,421 --> 00:18:27,153
- Holy shit, you invited Hunter?
- No, of course not.

424
00:18:27,155 --> 00:18:29,488
I haven't talked to him since
he and Brenda got divorced.

425
00:18:29,490 --> 00:18:30,923
- You know he calls me all the time?
- What?

426
00:18:30,925 --> 00:18:32,992
He wants to play darts.
I don't play darts.

427
00:18:32,994 --> 00:18:34,661
- Darts?
- You kidding me?

428
00:18:34,663 --> 00:18:35,895
- Anyway, I can't hang out with him.
- Oh!

429
00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:37,697
- I'll be guilty by association.
- No, no.

430
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:39,865
I will never forgive
that babysitter fucker.

431
00:18:39,867 --> 00:18:41,634
- Hey, Hunter.
- Hey, man. Good to see you.

432
00:18:41,636 --> 00:18:42,902
- What up?
- Hey, all right?

433
00:18:42,904 --> 00:18:44,171
Mwah!

434
00:18:44,173 --> 00:18:47,474
Ah.

435
00:18:47,476 --> 00:18:49,008
Did you have another daughter?

436
00:18:49,010 --> 00:18:50,943
I did. I did. Thank you.

437
00:18:50,945 --> 00:18:53,078
- It's... it's been wonderful.
- Yeah.

438
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,448
I'm thinking about
doing that again.

439
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:55,614
You know,
the whole second round.

440
00:18:55,616 --> 00:18:57,150
I think a lot of dads kind of

441
00:18:57,152 --> 00:18:58,718
get it right
the second time around.

442
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,687
Or, you know, you could

443
00:19:00,689 --> 00:19:02,221
just raise the one
that you have.

444
00:19:02,223 --> 00:19:03,824
Well, I did.
Too late for that.

445
00:19:03,826 --> 00:19:05,725
Raised. Job done.
Hi, honey.

446
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,494
Actually, I heard,

447
00:19:07,496 --> 00:19:09,595
if you spend
a significant amount

448
00:19:09,597 --> 00:19:11,530
of time with your children,
that you develop

449
00:19:11,532 --> 00:19:14,934
some kind of, like,
telekinetic bond with them.

450
00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:17,003
- Is that true?
- I've heard. Mm-hmm.

451
00:19:17,005 --> 00:19:18,738
I hope it's not true,
'cause if it is,

452
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:21,607
Sam has been looking
at a lot of Asian porn.

453
00:19:21,609 --> 00:19:23,543
My wife's Asian.

454
00:19:23,545 --> 00:19:24,911
Indian.

455
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:26,145
That's Asian.

456
00:19:26,147 --> 00:19:27,980
This is more like, uh...

457
00:19:27,982 --> 00:19:29,716
It looks like when...
the typical Asian.

458
00:19:29,718 --> 00:19:31,218
- Yep, good seeing you, man.
- Uh, okay.

459
00:19:31,220 --> 00:19:33,061
Good to see you, brother.
You know what I mean.

460
00:19:33,788 --> 00:19:35,488
Who's this guy? Who are you?

461
00:19:35,490 --> 00:19:36,957
Dad, this is my date.

462
00:19:36,959 --> 00:19:38,859
Hi. Uh, it's great
to meet you, sir.

463
00:19:38,861 --> 00:19:40,059
- I'm-I'm Connor.
- Connor and I...

464
00:19:40,061 --> 00:19:41,228
we're in the same
science class.

465
00:19:41,230 --> 00:19:42,129
We're lab partners.

466
00:19:42,131 --> 00:19:43,863
Yeah, we're working
on our chemistry.

467
00:19:45,634 --> 00:19:47,033
Uh...

468
00:19:47,035 --> 00:19:50,603
Um, I'm gonna get a napkin,
if that's cool.

469
00:19:50,605 --> 00:19:53,105
Okay.

470
00:19:53,107 --> 00:19:55,508
Okay, so, uh...

471
00:19:55,510 --> 00:19:59,112
with this, it's, uh, one shot
to the groin, stab and drag.

472
00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:01,614
I refuse to believe
she couldn't do better

473
00:20:01,616 --> 00:20:05,051
- than that loser.
- Oh, I think Chad seems nice.

474
00:20:05,053 --> 00:20:06,186
Chad? No, Chad's amazing.

475
00:20:06,188 --> 00:20:07,888
- Look at that fedora.
- Yeah.

476
00:20:07,890 --> 00:20:09,588
I'm not talking about Chad.

477
00:20:09,590 --> 00:20:11,190
I'm talking about
fucking Frank. What a dick.

478
00:20:11,192 --> 00:20:13,226
Frank does not seem
like a dick to me.

479
00:20:13,228 --> 00:20:15,228
He seems like a nice guy.

480
00:20:15,230 --> 00:20:16,997
And you know what?
Don't blame Brenda.

481
00:20:16,999 --> 00:20:18,797
It's really hard being alone.

482
00:20:18,799 --> 00:20:20,633
Well, let's just agree
to disagree on Frank.

483
00:20:20,635 --> 00:20:22,268
Oh, here they come.
Okay, just be cool.

484
00:20:22,270 --> 00:20:24,571
He's gonna talk about his
tow truck company instantly.

485
00:20:24,573 --> 00:20:27,540
I guarantee you he's gonna
throw that shit in my face.

486
00:20:27,542 --> 00:20:28,741
Be cool, be cool, be cool.

487
00:20:28,743 --> 00:20:29,875
Brenda.

488
00:20:29,877 --> 00:20:31,179
Hunter.

489
00:20:32,247 --> 00:20:33,246
Frank.

490
00:20:33,248 --> 00:20:35,882
- Lisa.
- What'd I do?

491
00:20:35,884 --> 00:20:38,017
I'm sorry. I don't know why I
just said your name like that.

492
00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:39,151
This is so nice. Thank you.

493
00:20:39,153 --> 00:20:40,823
You're welcome.

494
00:20:42,790 --> 00:20:44,557
Okay.

495
00:20:44,559 --> 00:20:46,825
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Lis, Lis, Lis, Lis, Lis.

496
00:20:46,827 --> 00:20:48,327
- I got to go get Julie's wrap.
- Mm.

497
00:20:48,329 --> 00:20:50,296
Were you gonna
let our daughter

498
00:20:50,298 --> 00:20:51,931
take a fucking Lyft to prom?

499
00:20:51,933 --> 00:20:53,600
What is this, Afghanistan?

500
00:20:53,602 --> 00:20:54,867
How'd you pay for that limo,
Hunter?

501
00:20:54,869 --> 00:20:56,268
'Cause I know your credit's
in the shitter.

502
00:20:56,270 --> 00:20:57,804
It is.

503
00:20:57,806 --> 00:20:59,838
'Cause I bought your mom
a wheelchair.

504
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,173
She's gonna pay you back.

505
00:21:01,175 --> 00:21:03,043
With what money, Brenda?
Can she pay me back

506
00:21:03,045 --> 00:21:04,344
with crackers that she steals
from restaurants?

507
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:05,879
I don't want
to talk about your mom.

508
00:21:05,881 --> 00:21:07,146
I don't want to talk
about her wheelchair.

509
00:21:07,148 --> 00:21:08,648
All I care about
is that my daughter

510
00:21:08,650 --> 00:21:09,783
has the greatest night
of her life.

511
00:21:09,785 --> 00:21:11,951
If it was her greatest night,
you would not be here.

512
00:21:11,953 --> 00:21:13,620
Oh, what a sick burn.

513
00:21:13,622 --> 00:21:15,055
All right,
all right, all right.

514
00:21:15,057 --> 00:21:16,922
- Good.
- Yo, wait, yo, yo. We're all adults here.

515
00:21:16,924 --> 00:21:20,259
Let's not make it uncomfortable
if you're gonna be around more.

516
00:21:20,261 --> 00:21:22,161
- Let's have a beer sometime.
- Okay, first of all,

517
00:21:22,163 --> 00:21:24,163
I don't want to go
to have a beer with you.

518
00:21:24,165 --> 00:21:26,099
I don't want to hang out
with you. I don't like you.

519
00:21:26,101 --> 00:21:27,834
I don't like your wife.
I don't like your guys' deal.

520
00:21:27,836 --> 00:21:29,335
I think it sucks
and it's played out.

521
00:21:29,337 --> 00:21:31,805
Hey, if you ever change
your mind, here's my card.

522
00:21:31,807 --> 00:21:33,707
Ah, here we go.
"Tow with Frank."

523
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,642
Where'd you come up
with that name?

524
00:21:35,644 --> 00:21:37,611
- It's very straightforward.
- All right, I'll tell you this.

525
00:21:37,613 --> 00:21:39,112
The design of that card
is pretty cool.

526
00:21:39,114 --> 00:21:40,814
And my favorite part
is right fucking there.

527
00:21:40,816 --> 00:21:42,652
Oh, God.

528
00:22:12,114 --> 00:22:14,113
Wow, that is just...
No, that's us, Frank.

529
00:22:14,115 --> 00:22:16,082
- You know what?
- I got it. I got it.

530
00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:17,283
You've taken about 15
goddamn selfies.

531
00:22:17,285 --> 00:22:18,718
- Yeah!
- All right.

532
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,253
All right. Cool.

533
00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:21,321
Bye, Mom.

534
00:22:21,323 --> 00:22:23,055
- Have fun, honey. Okay.
- I will.

535
00:22:23,057 --> 00:22:24,289
Bye, Dad.

536
00:22:24,291 --> 00:22:27,093
Remember... stab, turn, drag.

537
00:22:27,095 --> 00:22:28,327
I don't have the knife, Dad.

538
00:22:28,329 --> 00:22:29,530
Yes, you do.
Check your clutch.

539
00:22:31,732 --> 00:22:33,333
Hey, uh, it's been
a pleasure, sir.

540
00:22:33,335 --> 00:22:36,335
I really, um,
it's... I'm honored.

541
00:22:36,337 --> 00:22:37,903
Oh.

542
00:22:37,905 --> 00:22:39,372
Intense, professional grip.

543
00:22:39,374 --> 00:22:40,907
Cheers.

544
00:22:40,909 --> 00:22:42,709
Take it easy, big guy.

545
00:22:42,711 --> 00:22:46,011
Hey, uh, you guys have
a good night, too, you know.

546
00:22:46,013 --> 00:22:47,413
Thank you.

547
00:22:47,415 --> 00:22:49,382
See that smirk?
What was up with that smirk?

548
00:22:49,384 --> 00:22:51,450
You are intense.

549
00:22:51,452 --> 00:22:52,986
- Sam. Hey.
- Oh, hey, Mr. Lockwood.

550
00:22:52,988 --> 00:22:54,054
- Hey.
- Nice to meet you.

551
00:22:54,056 --> 00:22:56,221
- Chad, yes, come on, man. Bring it in.
- Yes. Oh.

552
00:22:56,223 --> 00:22:57,457
Good. Yeah.

553
00:22:57,459 --> 00:22:58,991
My hat.

554
00:22:58,993 --> 00:23:01,728
- I want to talk to Sam real quick.
- Yeah. Okay.

555
00:23:01,730 --> 00:23:03,997
Uh, let-let me get
a picture real quick. Chad.

556
00:23:03,999 --> 00:23:05,899
- Oh. Okay.
- Real quick photo. Just so fast.

557
00:23:05,901 --> 00:23:07,167
Just don't even fuck
with a filter.

558
00:23:07,169 --> 00:23:08,235
- Just-just plain.
- Okay. Here we go.

559
00:23:08,237 --> 00:23:10,135
- There we go. And there.
- And then you want to get

560
00:23:10,137 --> 00:23:11,438
a quick one of me and Chad
real quick?

561
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:12,338
- That sounds cool.
- Here you go.

562
00:23:12,340 --> 00:23:13,907
- Okay. - Yep.
- Sammy, here you go, baby.

563
00:23:13,909 --> 00:23:15,141
Real quick.
Just a couple fun ones.

564
00:23:15,143 --> 00:23:16,476
What are we doing?
Uh... like this?

565
00:23:16,478 --> 00:23:18,344
Bros.

566
00:23:18,346 --> 00:23:20,013
Duck lips.

567
00:23:20,015 --> 00:23:22,114
And then just kind of a...

568
00:23:22,116 --> 00:23:23,749
Julie?

569
00:23:23,751 --> 00:23:25,285
Can I talk to you a second?

570
00:23:25,287 --> 00:23:27,187
We got to go. I love you.

571
00:23:27,189 --> 00:23:28,254
I'd really like to talk to you.

572
00:23:28,256 --> 00:23:29,922
But I really gotta go.

573
00:23:29,924 --> 00:23:31,356
Okay, fine.
Just don't forget your wrap.

574
00:23:31,358 --> 00:23:32,959
It's okay.

575
00:23:32,961 --> 00:23:34,728
- I don't think I need it.
- Are you sure?

576
00:23:34,730 --> 00:23:37,463
Because we live in Chicago,
and it's chilly.

577
00:23:37,465 --> 00:23:39,298
I don't know
about other places,

578
00:23:39,300 --> 00:23:42,003
but it gets cold in Illinois.

579
00:23:43,771 --> 00:23:45,238
It's not that cold tonight,
so I don't

580
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:47,273
- think I need it, okay?
- Okay, Julie, wait.

581
00:23:47,275 --> 00:23:49,808
So you'll call me when you get
to Austin's after prom, right?

582
00:23:49,810 --> 00:23:50,809
Right.

583
00:23:50,811 --> 00:23:52,478
Okay.

584
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,213
- Okay.
- I love you.

585
00:23:54,215 --> 00:23:56,051
Okay. I-I love you.

586
00:23:57,219 --> 00:23:58,751
Okay!

587
00:23:58,753 --> 00:24:00,053
Whew.

588
00:24:00,055 --> 00:24:02,020
Mm. Okay.

589
00:24:07,863 --> 00:24:09,996
This is so cool!

590
00:24:09,998 --> 00:24:11,864
Blow it out!

591
00:24:13,335 --> 00:24:14,801
Chad, I, um...

592
00:24:14,803 --> 00:24:16,036
I saw you do <i>Pippin</i>
last year.

593
00:24:16,038 --> 00:24:18,004
- That was really good. - Oh.
Nice.

594
00:24:18,006 --> 00:24:19,506
Yeah, you're a
really good singer, man.

595
00:24:19,508 --> 00:24:20,908
- What are you doing this year?
- Yeah. Um, we're actually

596
00:24:20,910 --> 00:24:24,009
doing <i>Arnold,</i> which is
an all-male version of <i>Annie.</i>

597
00:24:24,011 --> 00:24:26,345
- Okay.
- Caught you drinking.

598
00:24:26,347 --> 00:24:28,347
Just kidding, y'all.

599
00:24:28,349 --> 00:24:31,851
I may look like a parent,
but I assure you, I am no narc.

600
00:24:31,853 --> 00:24:34,289
Thank you, sir.

601
00:24:35,824 --> 00:24:37,891
Not done yet. Name's Rudy.

602
00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:39,424
I did not go to my prom.

603
00:24:39,426 --> 00:24:41,361
No, my leg was crushed
by a cement truck,

604
00:24:41,363 --> 00:24:42,961
so I could not dance, but...

605
00:24:42,963 --> 00:24:45,164
So I've made it
my mission in life...

606
00:24:45,166 --> 00:24:46,466
well, my whole career...

607
00:24:46,468 --> 00:24:48,500
to make sure
that little kids like you

608
00:24:48,502 --> 00:24:50,870
have a wonderful night
to remember forever.

609
00:24:50,872 --> 00:24:54,474
So just sit back, relax
and enjoy your prom night.

610
00:24:54,476 --> 00:24:55,975
Okay.

611
00:24:55,977 --> 00:24:58,948
Oh, fuck,
that was the turn! Fuck!

612
00:25:00,382 --> 00:25:02,382
Hey, Lis?

613
00:25:02,384 --> 00:25:04,150
You got any S.O.S. pads?

614
00:25:04,152 --> 00:25:06,385
I'm soaking those pans,
but you burnt the shit

615
00:25:06,387 --> 00:25:08,388
out of that mac and cheese,
and...

616
00:25:08,390 --> 00:25:10,824
sponge just isn't gonna cut it.

617
00:25:10,826 --> 00:25:12,592
Thanks for helping clean up.

618
00:25:12,594 --> 00:25:14,393
Don't mention this one.

619
00:25:14,395 --> 00:25:17,363
I mean, Marcie brought the baby
home early, and...

620
00:25:17,365 --> 00:25:18,998
I got to keep busy.

621
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,067
I got to keep my mind off
of Kayla and "Connor."

622
00:25:22,069 --> 00:25:24,871
That's not the right way
to use those.

623
00:25:24,873 --> 00:25:27,105
'Cause his name
is actually Connor.

624
00:25:27,107 --> 00:25:28,376
So...

625
00:25:29,911 --> 00:25:31,443
It's okay.

626
00:25:31,445 --> 00:25:33,580
- UCLA?
- Uh-huh.

627
00:25:33,582 --> 00:25:35,180
I didn't mean to snoop,
but I'm...

628
00:25:35,182 --> 00:25:36,449
No, no. It's okay.

629
00:25:36,451 --> 00:25:38,351
I mean, I don't think
it's a real thing.

630
00:25:38,353 --> 00:25:39,919
She's not actually gonna go.

631
00:25:39,921 --> 00:25:41,854
I think she just applied
for fun.

632
00:25:41,856 --> 00:25:44,190
She didn't... Why?
Have you heard differently?

633
00:25:44,192 --> 00:25:46,892
I would assume it's to go,
but she very well

634
00:25:46,894 --> 00:25:48,862
could have applied ironically.

635
00:25:48,864 --> 00:25:50,263
You... you know millennials,
right?

636
00:25:50,265 --> 00:25:51,898
- Hmm. Mm-hmm.
- And wherever she goes,

637
00:25:51,900 --> 00:25:53,900
you can have a bunch of time
on your hands.

638
00:25:53,902 --> 00:25:55,067
Can figure out
what you want to do

639
00:25:55,069 --> 00:25:56,134
for the back nine of your life.

640
00:25:56,136 --> 00:25:57,336
Uh-huh. Yeah.

641
00:25:59,140 --> 00:26:02,007
I think Julie
left her laptop open.

642
00:26:02,009 --> 00:26:04,043
Julie's doing a lot of texting.

643
00:26:04,045 --> 00:26:06,011
- Mm-hmm.
- Is everything okay?

644
00:26:06,013 --> 00:26:07,947
Maybe we should check to see?

645
00:26:07,949 --> 00:26:09,282
- Peace of mind.
- Yeah.

646
00:26:13,888 --> 00:26:15,255
What the hell is that?

647
00:26:15,257 --> 00:26:17,155
I have no idea.

648
00:26:20,327 --> 00:26:21,594
What are you still doing here?

649
00:26:21,596 --> 00:26:23,228
Hey, your, uh...

650
00:26:23,230 --> 00:26:25,931
your mac and cheese
is messed up.

651
00:26:28,435 --> 00:26:30,670
Are you guys snooping
on your kids?

652
00:26:30,672 --> 00:26:32,471
That is not cool.

653
00:26:32,473 --> 00:26:34,940
No, it's not snooping
if the information shows up.

654
00:26:34,942 --> 00:26:36,074
That's exactly
what snooping is.

655
00:26:36,076 --> 00:26:37,643
No, it's like the Patriot Act.
It's...

656
00:26:37,645 --> 00:26:39,411
Well, it's not like
the Patriot Act.

657
00:26:39,413 --> 00:26:41,180
- It's like snooping.
- Okay, we don't know

658
00:26:41,182 --> 00:26:42,681
what they're talking about,
so...

659
00:26:42,683 --> 00:26:44,049
- What?
- Okay.

660
00:26:44,051 --> 00:26:45,485
Oh, is it like puzzles?

661
00:26:45,487 --> 00:26:47,586
Ooh, ooh! I love puzzles.
Just saw <i>Inferno.</i>

662
00:26:47,588 --> 00:26:49,421
Yeah, great.
What are they saying?

663
00:26:49,423 --> 00:26:51,157
Okay, so there's something
about an eggplant hand...

664
00:26:51,159 --> 00:26:52,991
- handshake.
- Eggplant agreement.

665
00:26:52,993 --> 00:26:55,027
Yeah. They got an agreement
to make eggplant parmesan.

666
00:26:55,029 --> 00:26:56,930
No, eggplants are dicks
in teenage emoji language.

667
00:26:56,932 --> 00:26:58,264
- What?
- You know what, that's true.

668
00:26:58,266 --> 00:26:59,599
Julie told me that...
that the emojis have...

669
00:26:59,601 --> 00:27:01,401
- they all have secret meanings.
- Mm-hmm.

670
00:27:01,403 --> 00:27:04,938
So, like, trees are weed,
and snowflakes are cocaine,

671
00:27:04,940 --> 00:27:07,573
and that thing is "yas queen."

672
00:27:07,575 --> 00:27:09,475
- Yas queen!
- What the hell is that?

673
00:27:09,477 --> 00:27:10,610
- You've never heard of "yas queen"?
- No.

674
00:27:10,612 --> 00:27:11,611
All right, grandpa.

675
00:27:11,613 --> 00:27:13,613
Hold on. Julie is making...

676
00:27:13,615 --> 00:27:16,315
some kind of a dick-related
agreement here.

677
00:27:16,317 --> 00:27:18,551
Kayla is in on the agreement.

678
00:27:18,553 --> 00:27:20,119
- No fucking way.
- "Okay, clown face."

679
00:27:20,121 --> 00:27:22,087
What the fuck does that mean?

680
00:27:22,089 --> 00:27:24,959
That means she's down to clown.

681
00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:27,826
- Okay.
- Three eggplants?

682
00:27:27,828 --> 00:27:29,962
And look at the drool coming
out of that smiley face.

683
00:27:29,964 --> 00:27:30,796
You wish that was drool.

684
00:27:30,798 --> 00:27:31,765
- That's come, my man.
- Stand down.

685
00:27:31,767 --> 00:27:33,967
- It is. Look, it's come.
- He's like...

686
00:27:33,969 --> 00:27:36,001
This is sex
if I've ever seen it

687
00:27:36,003 --> 00:27:38,004
- illustrated in emoji form.
- Oh, no, no, no. Maybe not.

688
00:27:38,006 --> 00:27:39,505
They're best friends.
They're just saying, like,

689
00:27:39,507 --> 00:27:41,474
"You're okay with me.
You're okay to me.

690
00:27:41,476 --> 00:27:43,575
- You're okay to me."
- You say that to your friends?

691
00:27:43,577 --> 00:27:45,010
Whenever I see my friends,
I go,

692
00:27:45,012 --> 00:27:46,179
"Hey, you're okay with me."

693
00:27:46,181 --> 00:27:47,580
- I don't use these.
- Hold on.

694
00:27:47,582 --> 00:27:49,449
Agreement hands,
agreement hands,

695
00:27:49,451 --> 00:27:51,351
agreement hands. This is a...
It's a sex agreement.

696
00:27:51,353 --> 00:27:53,353
They're making a sex pact.

697
00:27:53,355 --> 00:27:55,488
They're gonna lose
their virginity on prom night.

698
00:27:55,490 --> 00:27:57,289
That cannot be a sex pact.

699
00:27:57,291 --> 00:27:58,757
That? That is friendship.

700
00:27:58,759 --> 00:28:01,427
And that is... that is the bond
of friendship

701
00:28:01,429 --> 00:28:03,062
that can never be broken.

702
00:28:03,064 --> 00:28:04,363
I mean, maybe.
- Yeah.

703
00:28:04,365 --> 00:28:06,199
Oh, look, they wrote
"Sex Pact 2018."

704
00:28:06,201 --> 00:28:09,035
I fucking knew it!
I love puzzles.

705
00:28:09,037 --> 00:28:10,569
I told you guys.
Have you seen <i>Inferno?</i>

706
00:28:10,571 --> 00:28:12,305
- Lis, have you seen <i>Inferno?</i>
- Call your kid.

707
00:28:12,307 --> 00:28:13,773
Have you guys seen <i>Inferno?</i>

708
00:28:13,775 --> 00:28:15,641
I figured it out in two
seconds. Did you see <i>Inferno?</i>

709
00:28:15,643 --> 00:28:17,477
The guy jumps off the thing
in the beginning.

710
00:28:17,479 --> 00:28:19,511
He's got a virus. Have you seen
<i>Inferno</i> with Tom Hanks?

711
00:28:19,513 --> 00:28:21,180
Okay. Okay, she's not
answering her phone.

712
00:28:21,182 --> 00:28:22,414
Yeah, Kayla isn't, either.

713
00:28:22,416 --> 00:28:23,682
Okay, what the heck
is happening?

714
00:28:23,684 --> 00:28:25,418
She's always been honest
with me.

715
00:28:25,420 --> 00:28:27,085
She's always told me the truth,

716
00:28:27,087 --> 00:28:29,488
and now I'm just swimming
in a pool of lies.

717
00:28:29,490 --> 00:28:31,123
Okay. Here's what's
gonna happen.

718
00:28:31,125 --> 00:28:33,759
She's gonna have sex
with that Austin kid,

719
00:28:33,761 --> 00:28:36,194
and then she's gonna think
that she has

720
00:28:36,196 --> 00:28:39,332
all these feelings, which she
does not actually have,

721
00:28:39,334 --> 00:28:41,566
then she's gonna drive
across country

722
00:28:41,568 --> 00:28:44,804
and follow him
and ruin her fucking life.

723
00:28:44,806 --> 00:28:46,338
Okay, I think that's
a pretty big

724
00:28:46,340 --> 00:28:47,707
leap to make when you read a...

725
00:28:47,709 --> 00:28:51,177
I have invested
every single piece of my being

726
00:28:51,179 --> 00:28:53,046
into preparing Kayla
for success, and now this?

727
00:28:53,048 --> 00:28:57,583
She is about to have sex with
some dipshit with a "man bun."

728
00:28:57,585 --> 00:29:00,219
You're not using those
in the right way.

729
00:29:00,221 --> 00:29:02,354
Hey, can we all come back
to "planet Earth"?

730
00:29:02,356 --> 00:29:04,123
'Cause this is not a big deal.

731
00:29:04,125 --> 00:29:05,725
They're teenage girls.
They have sex.

732
00:29:05,727 --> 00:29:09,531
Do you, like, freak out when
you see a bee fucking a flower?

733
00:29:12,834 --> 00:29:15,267
- I'm gonna stop her.
- I'm in.

734
00:29:15,269 --> 00:29:17,135
Let's cock-block
those motherfuckers.

735
00:29:17,137 --> 00:29:19,171
Whoa.

736
00:29:19,173 --> 00:29:20,605
No, sir. Uh-uh.
No, no, no, no.

737
00:29:20,607 --> 00:29:22,374
I promised Sam the greatest
night of her life,

738
00:29:22,376 --> 00:29:23,843
and if you guys fuck up
your daughters' night,

739
00:29:23,845 --> 00:29:25,444
it's gonna fuck up
my daughter's night,

740
00:29:25,446 --> 00:29:27,180
and that shit is "not cool."

741
00:29:27,182 --> 00:29:28,581
I don't give a fuck
what's cool with you.

742
00:29:28,583 --> 00:29:30,382
Let's go, Mitchell.
I'll drive.

743
00:29:30,384 --> 00:29:31,750
Hey, hey, hey, wait!
No, no, no.

744
00:29:31,752 --> 00:29:33,151
You want to go?

745
00:29:33,153 --> 00:29:34,519
You're gonna have
to go through me.

746
00:29:34,521 --> 00:29:35,822
Oh, Jesus.

747
00:29:35,824 --> 00:29:37,523
Okay, you called my bluff.
Wait.

748
00:29:37,525 --> 00:29:39,191
Wait! Hey, hey!

749
00:29:39,193 --> 00:29:40,593
- Get off! Get off of me!
- Hey! Hey!

750
00:29:40,595 --> 00:29:42,461
- Get off!
- It's not cool!

751
00:29:42,463 --> 00:29:44,197
"It's not cool!"

752
00:29:44,199 --> 00:29:46,567
Hey! What's the plan?
This is stupid.

753
00:29:49,871 --> 00:29:52,104
Fuck off.

754
00:29:52,106 --> 00:29:54,306
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
What the fuck are you doing?

755
00:29:54,308 --> 00:29:56,609
I just need to talk to
my daughter for five minutes.

756
00:29:56,611 --> 00:29:58,143
Get out of the car!

757
00:29:58,145 --> 00:29:59,644
- You get out. You get out.
- You get out.

758
00:29:59,646 --> 00:30:01,346
- Stop saying what I'm saying.
- Open the door!

759
00:30:01,348 --> 00:30:02,882
- Stop saying what I'm saying.
- Stop saying what I'm saying.

760
00:30:02,884 --> 00:30:04,484
- Stop... Okay, listen, listen.
- Hey.

761
00:30:04,486 --> 00:30:06,151
Lis. Okay, everyone calm down,
calm down.

762
00:30:06,153 --> 00:30:07,687
- But you got to go.
- The-the window.

763
00:30:07,689 --> 00:30:09,555
- No, the window.
- Hey.

764
00:30:09,557 --> 00:30:11,690
What the fuck? No! Holy...

765
00:30:14,628 --> 00:30:15,894
Ah, these are new shorts!

766
00:30:15,896 --> 00:30:17,162
Truce! Truce!

767
00:30:17,164 --> 00:30:18,264
Truce.

768
00:30:18,266 --> 00:30:20,432
Truce, truce, truce.

769
00:30:20,434 --> 00:30:22,168
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

770
00:30:22,170 --> 00:30:23,702
Oh, my fucking God.

771
00:30:23,704 --> 00:30:24,704
Aah!

772
00:30:25,740 --> 00:30:26,838
Sorry, man.

773
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:28,141
It's not gonna work.

774
00:30:28,143 --> 00:30:29,478
You're not Schwarzenegger.

775
00:30:31,546 --> 00:30:33,312
How is that possible?

776
00:30:33,314 --> 00:30:35,180
How is that possible?
Oh, shit.

777
00:30:35,182 --> 00:30:36,748
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh!

778
00:30:36,750 --> 00:30:38,151
Oh, my balls! My balls!

779
00:30:38,153 --> 00:30:39,485
Your ass is so...

780
00:30:40,654 --> 00:30:42,688
- Get...
- Hey! Hey!

781
00:30:42,690 --> 00:30:44,289
- Get out!
- Not cool! Aah!

782
00:30:44,291 --> 00:30:45,725
You're bullying me.

783
00:30:45,727 --> 00:30:46,926
This is bullying.

784
00:30:46,928 --> 00:30:49,327
What you're doing is wrong!

785
00:30:49,329 --> 00:30:51,663
You know your daughter's
in this stupid sex pact, too.

786
00:30:51,665 --> 00:30:54,199
Yeah, and she's not gonna
do anything about it, okay?

787
00:30:54,201 --> 00:30:56,268
Oh, like you would know
what your daughter's gonna do.

788
00:30:56,270 --> 00:30:58,270
Okay, first of all, ouch.

789
00:30:58,272 --> 00:30:59,771
Second of all, I know nothing

790
00:30:59,773 --> 00:31:02,208
is gonna happen with Sam
because...

791
00:31:02,210 --> 00:31:03,776
because she's gay.

792
00:31:03,778 --> 00:31:04,943
Really?

793
00:31:04,945 --> 00:31:06,578
Did she come out to you?

794
00:31:06,580 --> 00:31:07,646
No, of course not.

795
00:31:07,648 --> 00:31:09,248
She barely speaks to me.

796
00:31:09,250 --> 00:31:10,650
Then how do you know?

797
00:31:10,652 --> 00:31:11,950
Because, bro, I'm her dad.

798
00:31:11,952 --> 00:31:13,952
And there's just
some things you know.

799
00:31:13,954 --> 00:31:15,287
Chad is nothing.

800
00:31:15,289 --> 00:31:16,555
He's like a beard.

801
00:31:16,557 --> 00:31:18,490
Or whatever a lesbian beard is.

802
00:31:18,492 --> 00:31:19,558
A merkin?

803
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:20,959
I don't know. The point is,

804
00:31:20,961 --> 00:31:23,228
I guarantee you
they don't even kiss, okay?

805
00:31:23,230 --> 00:31:24,863
I'm not worried about that.
I'm worried about

806
00:31:24,865 --> 00:31:26,731
you two dicks
fucking up her night.

807
00:31:26,733 --> 00:31:28,934
Okay, well, what you don't
understand is that sex

808
00:31:28,936 --> 00:31:31,469
can be very confusing
for young girls

809
00:31:31,471 --> 00:31:34,440
and make them say things and do
things that they might regret.

810
00:31:34,442 --> 00:31:35,908
Like dropping out of college

811
00:31:35,910 --> 00:31:38,210
to follow around
the Dave Matthews Band

812
00:31:38,212 --> 00:31:39,679
with a guy they think they love

813
00:31:39,681 --> 00:31:41,680
who then winds up
getting them pregnant

814
00:31:41,682 --> 00:31:44,283
and then leaving them
for the girl who makes

815
00:31:44,285 --> 00:31:47,723
grilled cheese sandwiches
with hash aioli on them.

816
00:31:48,855 --> 00:31:50,922
Yeah, that is a...

817
00:31:50,924 --> 00:31:54,626
extremely specific scenario,
and that won't happen to Julie.

818
00:31:54,628 --> 00:31:56,261
Dave's not even touring
right now.

819
00:31:56,263 --> 00:31:57,796
He's taking time off
for fatherhood.

820
00:31:57,798 --> 00:31:59,565
It was me, you idiot.

821
00:31:59,567 --> 00:32:01,566
Me. That happened to me.

822
00:32:01,568 --> 00:32:03,236
Yeah.

823
00:32:15,383 --> 00:32:17,283
You weren't ready.
Okay, one more, one more.

824
00:32:17,285 --> 00:32:18,784
Smile.

825
00:32:18,786 --> 00:32:19,785
I closed my eyes.

826
00:32:19,787 --> 00:32:21,786
Oh, my God.

827
00:32:21,788 --> 00:32:23,922
You guys, this is our song.

828
00:32:23,924 --> 00:32:26,359
Do you remember when we got
snowed in at Sam's

829
00:32:26,361 --> 00:32:27,892
and we played this, like,
over and over?

830
00:32:27,894 --> 00:32:29,362
- Yes!
- We have to dance!

831
00:32:29,364 --> 00:32:30,895
- We have to dance!
- This is our jam!

832
00:32:45,346 --> 00:32:46,478
- Hey. Hey.
- Hey.

833
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:47,546
- I want a drink.
- Okay.

834
00:32:47,548 --> 00:32:48,581
Yeah, let's go get one.

835
00:32:48,583 --> 00:32:50,682
No, no, no, no. Like, a drink.

836
00:32:50,684 --> 00:32:51,917
Oh, you want a "drink" drink.

837
00:32:51,919 --> 00:32:53,853
- Yeah.
- Okay, let me call my guy.

838
00:32:53,855 --> 00:32:55,554
Hello, Mr. Drink-Drink.

839
00:32:55,556 --> 00:32:58,324
- Let's go get fucked up.
- Okay.

840
00:32:58,326 --> 00:33:00,325
Hey, wait, Kayla, Kayla.

841
00:33:00,327 --> 00:33:01,626
Ah, it's...

842
00:33:11,471 --> 00:33:13,572
Hey, Chad.

843
00:33:13,574 --> 00:33:15,408
I'm gonna go get, uh,
some dessert.

844
00:33:15,410 --> 00:33:17,375
Get me two.

845
00:33:26,988 --> 00:33:29,555
Hey, Angelica,
it's a nice cape.

846
00:33:29,557 --> 00:33:31,324
Oh, hey, Sam.

847
00:33:31,326 --> 00:33:33,558
Thank you.

848
00:33:35,563 --> 00:33:37,830
Um, yeah, it's a...
it's a Galadriel cape

849
00:33:37,832 --> 00:33:39,965
that I made a couple months ago
for LordCon.

850
00:33:39,967 --> 00:33:41,633
Figured I could wear it again.

851
00:33:41,635 --> 00:33:44,069
Not too much overlap
on the guest list.

852
00:33:44,071 --> 00:33:45,805
Yeah.

853
00:33:45,807 --> 00:33:47,806
Yeah, totally.

854
00:33:49,443 --> 00:33:51,477
Who'd you come here with?

855
00:33:51,479 --> 00:33:53,578
Um, just my friends.

856
00:33:53,580 --> 00:33:56,017
Lauren and I broke up.

857
00:33:57,352 --> 00:33:58,484
Oh.

858
00:33:58,486 --> 00:34:00,119
No hard feelings, though.

859
00:34:00,121 --> 00:34:03,525
Um, she's still
a little confused.

860
00:34:04,925 --> 00:34:07,659
How do you think one becomes...

861
00:34:07,661 --> 00:34:10,563
not confused?

862
00:34:10,565 --> 00:34:13,999
It's probably different
for everyone.

863
00:34:14,001 --> 00:34:16,401
But for me, when I kissed
Brad Markowski,

864
00:34:16,403 --> 00:34:17,769
I started to suspect it.

865
00:34:17,771 --> 00:34:19,405
And then last year,
when I touched

866
00:34:19,407 --> 00:34:22,575
Dash Lowenstein's dick,
I was like, "Fuck no."

867
00:34:22,577 --> 00:34:24,809
It was like holding
a dead snake.

868
00:34:24,811 --> 00:34:26,047
Hmm.

869
00:34:28,416 --> 00:34:30,552
But I guess you never know
until you try.

870
00:34:39,393 --> 00:34:41,059
Uh, before I do drink this,
though,

871
00:34:41,061 --> 00:34:42,695
I just want to let you know

872
00:34:42,697 --> 00:34:44,833
that I am fully planning
on having sex tonight.

873
00:34:46,467 --> 00:34:47,932
With... with you.

874
00:34:47,934 --> 00:34:50,970
Yeah, I-I mean,
wherever the wind blows us.

875
00:34:50,972 --> 00:34:53,139
Well, the wind's
gonna blow us there.

876
00:34:53,141 --> 00:34:54,807
Wherever the night takes us,
it's...

877
00:34:54,809 --> 00:34:56,641
It's gonna take your penis
into my vagina.

878
00:34:56,643 --> 00:35:00,479
Okay, uh, you know,
if the universe wills it.

879
00:35:00,481 --> 00:35:02,584
And the universe will will it.

880
00:35:04,485 --> 00:35:06,887
Thanks for
letting me know, I guess.

881
00:35:08,155 --> 00:35:09,688
Oh, yeah.

882
00:35:09,690 --> 00:35:11,557
- Oh, my God.
- I warned you.

883
00:35:11,559 --> 00:35:12,992
- This is what gin tastes like?
- No, no.

884
00:35:12,994 --> 00:35:14,592
I've heard that gin sucks,
and this sucks.

885
00:35:14,594 --> 00:35:15,628
No, it's...

886
00:35:15,630 --> 00:35:18,664
- I made it. Um...
- Oh.

887
00:35:18,666 --> 00:35:20,766
This is so dumb, okay?

888
00:35:20,768 --> 00:35:22,101
Our kids are gonna hate us

889
00:35:22,103 --> 00:35:23,536
because you're gonna
humiliate them.

890
00:35:23,538 --> 00:35:25,438
I'm not gonna humiliate Julie.

891
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,206
We're best friends.
I'm the cool mom.

892
00:35:27,208 --> 00:35:29,108
Hunter, don't make me sit
on your balls again.

893
00:35:29,110 --> 00:35:31,443
Stop, stop, stop it,
stop, stop.

894
00:35:31,445 --> 00:35:34,179
This is how they're gonna
be remembered in high school.

895
00:35:34,181 --> 00:35:37,148
As the weirdos whose parents
dragged them out of prom

896
00:35:37,150 --> 00:35:38,883
because they were afraid
of their sexuality.

897
00:35:38,885 --> 00:35:40,452
It's not something
that should be feared.

898
00:35:40,454 --> 00:35:42,023
It should be celebrated.

899
00:35:43,791 --> 00:35:46,090
And-and-and we have
to empower these young women.

900
00:35:46,092 --> 00:35:47,860
I mean, what year is it, guys?

901
00:35:47,862 --> 00:35:50,195
It's 2018.

902
00:35:50,197 --> 00:35:51,197
Jesus Christ.

903
00:35:51,199 --> 00:35:53,632
- Oh, gross.
- Okay, you know what?

904
00:35:53,634 --> 00:35:55,066
That's an unfortunate
coincidence.

905
00:35:55,068 --> 00:35:56,501
Get a fucking room!

906
00:36:04,846 --> 00:36:06,778
Let's take a picture.

907
00:36:06,780 --> 00:36:08,680
Kayla!
Let's take a picture right now.

908
00:36:08,682 --> 00:36:09,949
- Okay, cool.
- Right now. Right now.

909
00:36:09,951 --> 00:36:11,549
Cheese.

910
00:36:11,552 --> 00:36:14,253
Oh, my God, my mom called me
like 15 times.

911
00:36:14,255 --> 00:36:15,920
- Ooh. Nope.
- She's crazy.

912
00:36:15,922 --> 00:36:17,222
- No, that's a no.
- That's kind of funny.

913
00:36:17,224 --> 00:36:19,791
- Boom. Airplane mode.
- No.

914
00:36:19,793 --> 00:36:22,161
Yeah. We're flying
the friendly skies now.

915
00:36:22,163 --> 00:36:23,695
Yeah, till she freaks out.

916
00:36:23,697 --> 00:36:25,063
Hey, can we please, like,
get out of here?

917
00:36:25,065 --> 00:36:26,865
No. We can't go right now.

918
00:36:26,867 --> 00:36:28,766
They haven't even played
me and Austin's song yet.

919
00:36:28,768 --> 00:36:30,235
How are we gonna get
in the mood?

920
00:36:30,237 --> 00:36:31,670
I don't know,
light your Walgreens candle.

921
00:36:31,672 --> 00:36:33,972
That's later.
Don't you want... Look, look.

922
00:36:33,974 --> 00:36:36,275
Jake Donahue
is just warming up.

923
00:36:36,277 --> 00:36:38,077
Don't you want to see him
break-dance

924
00:36:38,079 --> 00:36:39,612
- and probably hurt himself?
- No.

925
00:36:39,614 --> 00:36:40,780
- It's gonna be so good.
- I don't.

926
00:36:40,782 --> 00:36:42,847
Do you remember
at the Sadie Hawkins Dance

927
00:36:42,849 --> 00:36:44,215
when he tried to do the worm

928
00:36:44,217 --> 00:36:46,117
and he fell
and broke his two front teeth?

929
00:36:46,119 --> 00:36:48,119
- Yeah. He had to go to the hospital.
- I have pictures.

930
00:36:48,121 --> 00:36:49,954
- It was great, and this is gonna be better.
- Mm...

931
00:36:49,956 --> 00:36:51,523
- No, no, no. No!
- So we're staying.

932
00:36:51,525 --> 00:36:53,258
Julie, Julie,
I promise that you're

933
00:36:53,260 --> 00:36:55,561
gonna dance to your song
with your boyfriend tonight.

934
00:36:55,563 --> 00:36:57,262
This place is dying, okay?

935
00:36:57,264 --> 00:36:59,764
- We got to get out of here.
- Okay, fine.

936
00:36:59,766 --> 00:37:02,568
Okay, cool. Let's go.

937
00:37:02,570 --> 00:37:04,302
We're going to the lake house.

938
00:37:04,304 --> 00:37:06,804
I am not sure that this
was worth $85.

939
00:37:06,806 --> 00:37:08,840
- Where's Chad?
- What?

940
00:37:08,842 --> 00:37:10,876
Oh, he's probably out
on the dance floor.

941
00:37:10,878 --> 00:37:13,045
I'm gonna go find him
and meet you guys outside.

942
00:37:13,047 --> 00:37:15,014
- All right.
- Okay.

943
00:37:29,563 --> 00:37:30,931
The fuck?

944
00:37:34,335 --> 00:37:36,869
Smirking little piece of shit.

945
00:37:36,871 --> 00:37:38,836
- Top knot. Top knot.
- Let's get him.

946
00:37:38,838 --> 00:37:40,805
Yeah, you guys go do that.

947
00:37:40,807 --> 00:37:42,874
I'm gonna get some punch.

948
00:37:42,876 --> 00:37:45,677
All right, asshole,
what'd you do with my daughter?

949
00:37:45,679 --> 00:37:47,612
Two of you guys have
the same shitty haircut?

950
00:37:47,614 --> 00:37:48,880
Hey.

951
00:37:48,882 --> 00:37:51,215
Look at me.
My hair's too long.

952
00:37:51,217 --> 00:37:54,753
Hey. You can't go around
assaulting children.

953
00:37:54,755 --> 00:37:58,190
You have to blend in if you
want some information, okay?

954
00:37:58,192 --> 00:38:00,659
So just... just be cool.

955
00:38:00,661 --> 00:38:02,327
God.

956
00:38:02,329 --> 00:38:04,295
Okay.

957
00:38:04,297 --> 00:38:05,633
Julie?

958
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:07,900
Julie?

959
00:38:14,141 --> 00:38:16,175
Prom night, huh?

960
00:38:16,177 --> 00:38:18,610
What?

961
00:38:18,612 --> 00:38:21,947
Just... just special night.

962
00:38:27,088 --> 00:38:28,823
Got to try.

963
00:38:35,228 --> 00:38:36,764
- Chad?
- Yeah.

964
00:38:55,148 --> 00:38:57,349
This is my moment.

965
00:39:13,833 --> 00:39:16,101
You ruined my moment!

966
00:39:16,103 --> 00:39:18,670
Fuck your moment.

967
00:39:18,672 --> 00:39:19,938
- What happened back there?
- What happened is that...

968
00:39:19,940 --> 00:39:22,941
is that my daughter was kissing
Chad even though she hated it.

969
00:39:22,943 --> 00:39:24,376
And I've been dragged
into this situation

970
00:39:24,378 --> 00:39:26,744
- by you two fucking idiots.
- Just ignore him.

971
00:39:26,746 --> 00:39:28,146
- Great idea.
- We're gonna go to Austin's house.

972
00:39:28,148 --> 00:39:29,782
Julie said that's where
the after-party is,

973
00:39:29,784 --> 00:39:31,749
- and we'll get 'em there.
- And that sounds like a plan.

974
00:39:31,751 --> 00:39:33,084
Hey, how dare you ignore me.

975
00:39:33,086 --> 00:39:34,853
We are in this situation
because you two

976
00:39:34,855 --> 00:39:36,921
raised a couple of bigots
who have shamed my daughter

977
00:39:36,923 --> 00:39:38,456
into losing her virginity
to the wrong sex.

978
00:39:38,458 --> 00:39:40,458
Shame.

979
00:39:40,460 --> 00:39:43,295
My daughter is not a bigot.

980
00:39:44,465 --> 00:39:46,331
We go to all of the marches.

981
00:39:46,333 --> 00:39:49,267
We went to the Tax Day March,
and nobody goes to that shit.

982
00:39:49,269 --> 00:39:51,170
- Nobody.
- Ignore him.

983
00:39:51,172 --> 00:39:52,304
- It's hard.
- Yeah, it is hard.

984
00:39:52,306 --> 00:39:53,472
'Cause I don't quit.

985
00:39:53,474 --> 00:39:55,173
And now I have
to go rescue Sam,

986
00:39:55,175 --> 00:39:57,008
okay, because she is scared
and confused,

987
00:39:57,010 --> 00:39:59,311
and I know what it's like
to be ostracized by society

988
00:39:59,313 --> 00:40:00,945
for your sexual preferences.

989
00:40:00,947 --> 00:40:02,780
Sleeping with women
that aren't your wife

990
00:40:02,782 --> 00:40:04,450
isn't a sexual preference.

991
00:40:04,452 --> 00:40:06,784
No, it is. I prefer them.

992
00:40:06,786 --> 00:40:08,487
How parents can let

993
00:40:08,489 --> 00:40:09,887
their kids play music
this loud.

994
00:40:09,889 --> 00:40:11,757
We all share this planet.

995
00:40:11,759 --> 00:40:13,891
This is how loud I listen
to my music, dawg.

996
00:40:13,893 --> 00:40:15,494
Probably won't even
be able to hear us.

997
00:40:16,797 --> 00:40:18,863
It's so dark in there.

998
00:40:18,865 --> 00:40:20,798
You know, they... okay,
they could be in the backyard

999
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:21,900
playing two-on-two hoops.
I don't know.

1000
00:40:21,902 --> 00:40:22,900
Oh!

1001
00:40:22,902 --> 00:40:24,470
Oh, I found a big window.

1002
00:40:24,472 --> 00:40:26,771
Oh, no, no, no,
don't, don't, don't.

1003
00:40:26,773 --> 00:40:29,441
Trust me. Do not look
in that window.

1004
00:40:29,443 --> 00:40:31,075
- What?
- Just look at me. Do not look in this window.

1005
00:40:31,077 --> 00:40:32,437
Do not look
in this fucking window.

1006
00:40:34,047 --> 00:40:37,115
Julie's red dress.

1007
00:40:37,117 --> 00:40:39,286
- Yeah.
- Oh, shit.

1008
00:40:42,056 --> 00:40:45,057
You know, I know... I know this
must be tough for you.

1009
00:40:45,059 --> 00:40:49,026
I mean, if... hell, if that
was Kayla in there, I'd...

1010
00:40:49,028 --> 00:40:51,329
- I'd-I'd kill myself.
- Nope.

1011
00:40:51,331 --> 00:40:53,365
That's the wrong thing
to fucking say right now.

1012
00:40:53,367 --> 00:40:55,501
- Stop them. Stop it.
- I can't...

1013
00:40:55,503 --> 00:40:56,503
Wait.

1014
00:40:57,804 --> 00:40:59,838
Hey. It's not Julie.

1015
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:02,941
- It's not Julie.
- What?

1016
00:41:02,943 --> 00:41:04,909
Oh, shit.
It's Austin's parents.

1017
00:41:04,911 --> 00:41:06,411
- Good for them.
- They're really...

1018
00:41:06,413 --> 00:41:07,845
really going at it.

1019
00:41:07,847 --> 00:41:08,847
I always wanted to do this.

1020
00:41:08,849 --> 00:41:10,782
I've always wanted
to watch people have sex.

1021
00:41:10,784 --> 00:41:12,383
Oh, my God,
he's yanking her hair.

1022
00:41:12,385 --> 00:41:14,086
Ow. That looks like it hurts.

1023
00:41:14,088 --> 00:41:16,255
Yeah, we shouldn't
be looking, man. Come on.

1024
00:41:16,257 --> 00:41:18,423
She runs the risk
of, like, dislocating her hip.

1025
00:41:18,425 --> 00:41:20,258
Hey, Mitchell. You're being
a fucking perv, dude.

1026
00:41:20,260 --> 00:41:21,959
Don't look.

1027
00:41:28,001 --> 00:41:29,267
What happened?

1028
00:41:29,269 --> 00:41:31,570
We locked eyes,
and then he finished.

1029
00:41:31,572 --> 00:41:34,072
It means his load
is on your soul for eternity.

1030
00:41:34,074 --> 00:41:36,074
- Holy shit.
- Oh, shit, he's coming.

1031
00:41:37,210 --> 00:41:38,979
I'll pretend I'm a plant.

1032
00:41:42,583 --> 00:41:43,882
Mitchell? What are you doing?

1033
00:41:43,884 --> 00:41:45,818
- What, Lisa?
- Hey, Ron.

1034
00:41:45,820 --> 00:41:47,552
What are you guys
doing out here?

1035
00:41:47,554 --> 00:41:48,887
Hi.

1036
00:41:48,889 --> 00:41:51,155
- Hey.
- What a nice surprise.

1037
00:41:51,157 --> 00:41:52,423
We thought the kids were here.

1038
00:41:52,425 --> 00:41:53,592
We didn't realize you guys
were here, uh...

1039
00:41:53,594 --> 00:41:55,860
Oh, Cath and I were just having

1040
00:41:55,862 --> 00:41:57,496
a little, uh,
prom night role play.

1041
00:41:57,498 --> 00:42:00,132
- You know, to keep the sex life alive.
- Prom night.

1042
00:42:00,134 --> 00:42:01,266
- That kind of thing.
- Where are the kids?

1043
00:42:01,268 --> 00:42:02,233
Um, do you know
where the kids are?

1044
00:42:02,235 --> 00:42:05,403
The kids are at
Kyler Montero's lake house.

1045
00:42:05,405 --> 00:42:07,539
- How do you know that?
- Because Austin told us.

1046
00:42:07,541 --> 00:42:11,108
Yeah. He's texted me
like 19 times tonight.

1047
00:42:11,110 --> 00:42:13,612
- Ugh. Oh, my God.
- Yeah, we tell each other everything.

1048
00:42:13,614 --> 00:42:16,081
- It's unbelievable.
- I mean, he-he knows about prom night.

1049
00:42:16,083 --> 00:42:17,583
- Well, you know.
- I'm sorry, you...

1050
00:42:17,585 --> 00:42:20,251
you tell your son about
your sex games with your wife?

1051
00:42:20,253 --> 00:42:22,153
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
- Wow, that's...

1052
00:42:22,155 --> 00:42:24,021
- Can't do that.
- Yeah, it's weird.

1053
00:42:24,023 --> 00:42:25,590
- It's so... it's-it's weird.
- There's a line.

1054
00:42:25,592 --> 00:42:27,592
- We have a very open family here.
- Yes, we do.

1055
00:42:27,594 --> 00:42:29,327
- We don't hide anything.
- You know what?

1056
00:42:29,329 --> 00:42:30,561
What is Kyler's address?

1057
00:42:30,563 --> 00:42:32,930
I-I... Okay, listen,
I-I feel like

1058
00:42:32,932 --> 00:42:35,434
I can't betray
Austin's confidence in me,

1059
00:42:35,436 --> 00:42:37,603
and frankly,
if Julie wanted to tell you

1060
00:42:37,605 --> 00:42:40,204
where the house was,
she would have told you.

1061
00:42:40,206 --> 00:42:41,405
- Uh-uh.
- Uh, I got...

1062
00:42:41,407 --> 00:42:42,507
Hold on, hold on.
Buh-buh-buh.

1063
00:42:42,509 --> 00:42:44,108
Give us the address,

1064
00:42:44,110 --> 00:42:45,409
or my giant friend's
gonna tear

1065
00:42:45,411 --> 00:42:46,945
- your husband's dick off.
- Yeah.

1066
00:42:46,947 --> 00:42:48,512
Uh... no, I'm not.

1067
00:42:48,514 --> 00:42:50,249
- No, I'm not. No, no, no.
- Excuse me? - What?

1068
00:42:50,251 --> 00:42:52,316
That's... that's good.

1069
00:42:52,318 --> 00:42:54,452
And, uh, sorry
to interrupt your evening.

1070
00:42:54,454 --> 00:42:57,121
I hope you guys enjoy
the rest of your lovemaking.

1071
00:42:57,123 --> 00:42:58,123
- Ow! Fuck!
- Come on.

1072
00:42:58,125 --> 00:42:59,224
- What was that about?
- What?

1073
00:42:59,226 --> 00:43:00,925
Hey, man, thank you for killing

1074
00:43:00,927 --> 00:43:02,461
- my daughter's hymen.
- I don't think so.

1075
00:43:02,463 --> 00:43:04,528
Kyler Montero's lake house?
Marcie did the bathroom.

1076
00:43:04,530 --> 00:43:07,065
She's gonna know the address,
so let's just go.

1077
00:43:07,067 --> 00:43:08,967
- All right, dope.
- Dope.

1078
00:43:10,471 --> 00:43:12,470
- Ow, my eyes!
- Yeah!

1079
00:43:12,472 --> 00:43:14,940
Okay, come on in now.

1080
00:43:14,942 --> 00:43:17,208
It's all fun and games
until there's a decapitation.

1081
00:43:17,210 --> 00:43:19,577
I don't need any more
dead girls on my conscience.

1082
00:43:19,579 --> 00:43:21,380
I'm sorry, Rudy.

1083
00:43:21,382 --> 00:43:24,316
We just had to check that off
the old prom bucket list.

1084
00:43:24,318 --> 00:43:26,351
Oh, my God, Sam!

1085
00:43:26,353 --> 00:43:28,253
- Come here. Yeah.
- Move, Chad!

1086
00:43:28,255 --> 00:43:30,289
- Chad, you want a drink?
- No.

1087
00:43:30,291 --> 00:43:31,990
What you got there?

1088
00:43:31,992 --> 00:43:34,191
This is a very, very special

1089
00:43:34,193 --> 00:43:36,061
reduced hash oil
of my own invention.

1090
00:43:36,063 --> 00:43:38,329
It has rosemary essence
for blood flow,

1091
00:43:38,331 --> 00:43:39,932
a curcumin extract
from turmeric

1092
00:43:39,934 --> 00:43:41,365
to reduce inflammation,

1093
00:43:41,367 --> 00:43:43,568
and it gets you super baked.

1094
00:43:43,570 --> 00:43:45,637
All right.

1095
00:43:45,639 --> 00:43:47,371
Let's do it.
Do I just... I suck?

1096
00:43:47,373 --> 00:43:48,606
Yeah, you press the button,

1097
00:43:48,608 --> 00:43:50,175
then you take, like,
a little puff.

1098
00:43:50,177 --> 00:43:52,376
Or a really, really big one.

1099
00:43:52,378 --> 00:43:54,211
Okay.

1100
00:43:54,213 --> 00:43:56,648
And then you just hold it
for, like, a beat.

1101
00:43:56,650 --> 00:43:58,282
You guys know
that Tanner Dunn's parents

1102
00:43:58,284 --> 00:43:59,650
rented out a whole floor

1103
00:43:59,652 --> 00:44:01,653
of the Park West Hotel
for an after-party?

1104
00:44:01,655 --> 00:44:03,021
What?

1105
00:44:03,023 --> 00:44:05,057
Um... yeah, he, uh...

1106
00:44:05,059 --> 00:44:07,358
I guess they're super loaded
and they're still proud of him

1107
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:09,494
even though it took him
like six years to graduate.

1108
00:44:09,496 --> 00:44:11,996
I remember him.
He got to, uh, miss school

1109
00:44:11,998 --> 00:44:14,066
- when his kid was born.
- Yeah, yeah, that guy.

1110
00:44:14,068 --> 00:44:16,004
You should definitely
let it go now.

1111
00:44:19,306 --> 00:44:20,639
- Holy shit.
- Oh, yeah.

1112
00:44:20,641 --> 00:44:22,407
I can run a six-minute mile.

1113
00:44:22,409 --> 00:44:24,709
My lung capacity is legit.

1114
00:44:24,711 --> 00:44:26,711
- No!
- One more selfie, and this time,

1115
00:44:26,713 --> 00:44:28,213
let's pose like Kanye.

1116
00:44:28,215 --> 00:44:29,548
- No. Boo!
- Yes.

1117
00:44:29,551 --> 00:44:31,549
- You take too many pictures.
- Uh...

1118
00:44:31,552 --> 00:44:33,651
They don't look like him.

1119
00:44:33,653 --> 00:44:36,554
Ugh, it's just a bunch
of paint samples and swatches.

1120
00:44:36,556 --> 00:44:38,456
Hunter, quiet.

1121
00:44:38,458 --> 00:44:39,758
Why do I have to be quiet?

1122
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:41,592
Shit would not fly
if Marcie found out.

1123
00:44:41,594 --> 00:44:43,128
Who wears the pants
in this house, dawg?

1124
00:44:43,130 --> 00:44:45,229
- I do.
- Oh!

1125
00:44:48,135 --> 00:44:49,367
Mmm.

1126
00:44:49,369 --> 00:44:51,302
This is soy creamer?
Are you sure?

1127
00:44:51,304 --> 00:44:53,304
It's pretty freaking rich.

1128
00:44:53,306 --> 00:44:55,374
This is so messed up.
Who are you to get involved

1129
00:44:55,376 --> 00:44:57,342
in our daughter's sex life?

1130
00:44:57,344 --> 00:44:59,510
- Oh, honey, I was just try...
- No, don't "honey" me.

1131
00:44:59,512 --> 00:45:02,179
Did your dad try to stop you
when you lost your virginity?

1132
00:45:02,181 --> 00:45:03,148
That's totally different.

1133
00:45:03,150 --> 00:45:05,016
It is not different.
It's a double standard.

1134
00:45:05,018 --> 00:45:07,418
Oh, when a guy loses his
virginity, it-it's no big deal.

1135
00:45:07,420 --> 00:45:09,121
It's celebrated,
but if a girl does,

1136
00:45:09,123 --> 00:45:11,055
it's some sort of big loss
of innocence?

1137
00:45:11,057 --> 00:45:12,557
- Yes.
- But come on, you guys.

1138
00:45:12,559 --> 00:45:13,758
It's the same damn thing.

1139
00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:15,659
Oh, Marcie!

1140
00:45:15,661 --> 00:45:17,628
Stop talking.

1141
00:45:17,630 --> 00:45:20,766
- Just give us the address.
- Just give us the address.

1142
00:45:20,768 --> 00:45:24,101
Honestly, Lisa, I can't believe
you're on their side.

1143
00:45:24,103 --> 00:45:27,104
Side? This is not
some philosophical debate.

1144
00:45:27,106 --> 00:45:28,773
We're trying to stop
our daughters

1145
00:45:28,775 --> 00:45:31,776
from some kind of sex pact
that they've planned

1146
00:45:31,778 --> 00:45:33,811
and not thought through
all the way.

1147
00:45:33,813 --> 00:45:34,746
That is such bullshit.

1148
00:45:34,748 --> 00:45:37,048
How do you expect society
to treat women

1149
00:45:37,050 --> 00:45:39,583
as if they're equal
when their own parents won't?

1150
00:45:39,585 --> 00:45:41,452
I don't know about that.

1151
00:45:41,454 --> 00:45:43,220
I'll deal with society
tomorrow.

1152
00:45:43,222 --> 00:45:45,123
Right now I'm thinking
about my daughter.

1153
00:45:45,125 --> 00:45:46,191
Well, that is...
that's convenient.

1154
00:45:46,193 --> 00:45:47,391
Yeah. You know what?

1155
00:45:47,393 --> 00:45:49,061
Go ahead and be part
of the group

1156
00:45:49,063 --> 00:45:50,394
that perceives women as little

1157
00:45:50,396 --> 00:45:52,664
damsels in distress
that need saving.

1158
00:45:52,666 --> 00:45:54,599
Who cares about us
not getting paid as much

1159
00:45:54,601 --> 00:45:56,767
or not having control
of our own bodies?

1160
00:45:56,769 --> 00:45:58,436
Can you please not talk to me

1161
00:45:58,438 --> 00:46:00,505
like I'm someone
who bombs abortion clinics?

1162
00:46:00,507 --> 00:46:01,505
I think
we're a little off topic.

1163
00:46:01,507 --> 00:46:02,441
Just... we need the address.

1164
00:46:02,443 --> 00:46:05,142
I just can't believe
that you think Julie

1165
00:46:05,144 --> 00:46:07,144
shouldn't be free
to explore her sexuality

1166
00:46:07,146 --> 00:46:09,146
in the same way that boys are.

1167
00:46:09,148 --> 00:46:12,450
Girls and boys
are very different.

1168
00:46:12,452 --> 00:46:15,086
Guys will take
whatever's in front of them.

1169
00:46:15,088 --> 00:46:17,322
We have these feelings,
and then...

1170
00:46:17,324 --> 00:46:20,659
your parents won't let you
see the man.

1171
00:46:20,661 --> 00:46:23,762
And then he just
writes a lot of letters,

1172
00:46:23,764 --> 00:46:25,329
but you don't get them

1173
00:46:25,331 --> 00:46:27,365
because your mom
doesn't give them to you,

1174
00:46:27,367 --> 00:46:29,767
and then it starts raining
really hard

1175
00:46:29,769 --> 00:46:32,137
'cause he built a house
for you,

1176
00:46:32,139 --> 00:46:36,340
and... and then it's...

1177
00:46:36,342 --> 00:46:38,543
- Mitchell, did you get the address?
- Yep.

1178
00:46:38,545 --> 00:46:39,778
- What?
- I'm really sorry. I'll call you tomorrow.

1179
00:46:39,780 --> 00:46:41,713
- I'm just really stressed out.
- It was so good to see you.

1180
00:46:41,715 --> 00:46:43,514
Was that <i>The Notebook?</i>

1181
00:46:43,516 --> 00:46:46,351
Fucking fuck off, Hunter.
Goddamn it! Mitchell!

1182
00:46:46,353 --> 00:46:47,686
I love you. I'm doing this
for our daughter.

1183
00:46:47,688 --> 00:46:49,287
- I'll be home late.
- Fucking shit!

1184
00:46:51,891 --> 00:46:53,592
To the loss of our innocence.

1185
00:46:58,632 --> 00:47:00,365
Oh!

1186
00:47:00,367 --> 00:47:01,566
- Come on.
- Ooh!

1187
00:47:01,568 --> 00:47:02,867
You guys.

1188
00:47:02,869 --> 00:47:04,369
This is the best night.

1189
00:47:04,371 --> 00:47:07,505
I am so drunk, super high,

1190
00:47:07,507 --> 00:47:09,740
and Connor has a little
something-something

1191
00:47:09,742 --> 00:47:12,476
that I feel I need
to go check out.

1192
00:47:12,478 --> 00:47:14,845
All right.
It's fuck o'clock.

1193
00:47:14,847 --> 00:47:16,616
- No way. You, too?
- Yep.

1194
00:47:18,418 --> 00:47:20,651
- These are macarons.
- Ooh.

1195
00:47:20,653 --> 00:47:22,621
With a very special
concoction of mine

1196
00:47:22,623 --> 00:47:24,523
that I call Wavy Davy.

1197
00:47:24,525 --> 00:47:27,258
So it's DMT that I get
from the Dark Web.

1198
00:47:27,260 --> 00:47:29,226
Uh, and then there's
a little tiny bit of Xanax

1199
00:47:29,228 --> 00:47:31,229
to just kind of take
the edge off, you know.

1200
00:47:31,231 --> 00:47:32,229
It's pretty tight.

1201
00:47:32,231 --> 00:47:33,831
Mm, sounds pretty tight.

1202
00:47:33,833 --> 00:47:35,934
And then I bake it into
a white chocolate macaron,

1203
00:47:35,936 --> 00:47:37,568
and it has, like,
a raspberry filling

1204
00:47:37,570 --> 00:47:38,836
that's both, uh,
light and fluffy

1205
00:47:38,838 --> 00:47:41,273
but also very flavorful
and satisfying.

1206
00:47:41,275 --> 00:47:42,840
Are you ready?

1207
00:47:42,842 --> 00:47:45,510
- Uh, yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, let's do it.

1208
00:47:45,512 --> 00:47:46,644
Okay.

1209
00:47:46,646 --> 00:47:48,181
- Mmm.
- Let's go.

1210
00:47:49,416 --> 00:47:50,615
Hmm.

1211
00:47:50,617 --> 00:47:52,851
It's yum.

1212
00:47:52,853 --> 00:47:54,322
Hmm.

1213
00:47:58,592 --> 00:48:00,425
Okay, so what do we do?
We just walk in and-and flick

1214
00:48:00,427 --> 00:48:02,193
- the lights on and off until the kids come?
- Shh.

1215
00:48:02,195 --> 00:48:03,728
Just act cool and young,
and maybe we'll just slip in.

1216
00:48:03,730 --> 00:48:05,729
Mitchell, untuck your shirt.

1217
00:48:05,731 --> 00:48:07,398
No, it's not
that kind of shirt.

1218
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:08,633
- It looks stupid untucked.
- Untuck your shirt.

1219
00:48:08,635 --> 00:48:09,833
You look like a youth minister.

1220
00:48:09,835 --> 00:48:10,934
Untuck your fucking shirt, man.

1221
00:48:10,936 --> 00:48:12,604
- We're trying to look cool.
- All right.

1222
00:48:12,606 --> 00:48:13,905
Whoa, whoa.

1223
00:48:13,907 --> 00:48:15,472
Sorry, bro. Sorry, guys.

1224
00:48:15,474 --> 00:48:17,309
Sorry. My friend's wasted.

1225
00:48:17,311 --> 00:48:19,244
- Don't.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1226
00:48:19,246 --> 00:48:21,512
Hey, hey. No... no adults
are getting into my house.

1227
00:48:21,514 --> 00:48:23,682
Not on prom night.
Okay, not on prom.

1228
00:48:23,684 --> 00:48:25,249
We were just down the street

1229
00:48:25,251 --> 00:48:27,418
at, um, another party,
and then we just decided

1230
00:48:27,420 --> 00:48:29,454
to come up here
and hang with you guys.

1231
00:48:29,456 --> 00:48:31,456
Um, no parents here, right?

1232
00:48:31,458 --> 00:48:32,657
Oh, thank God.

1233
00:48:32,659 --> 00:48:33,724
No, not except
for you guys. No.

1234
00:48:33,726 --> 00:48:35,226
We're not...

1235
00:48:35,228 --> 00:48:37,229
- Yeah, no.
- We don't...

1236
00:48:37,231 --> 00:48:38,231
Okay, so you're cops.

1237
00:48:40,534 --> 00:48:43,635
I got two DUIs last year.
How could I be a cop?

1238
00:48:43,637 --> 00:48:44,869
The police?

1239
00:48:44,871 --> 00:48:46,604
Look at my untucked shirt.

1240
00:48:46,606 --> 00:48:48,472
You're literally the cop-iest
motherfucker I've ever seen.

1241
00:48:48,474 --> 00:48:51,545
You look like you got your hair
cut in the back of a squad car.

1242
00:48:52,878 --> 00:48:55,246
This is a regular
men's haircut.

1243
00:48:55,248 --> 00:48:56,715
Okay, this is ridiculous.

1244
00:48:56,717 --> 00:48:58,316
All right, you're minors,
we're minors.

1245
00:48:58,318 --> 00:49:00,284
You're like 45 years old.

1246
00:49:00,286 --> 00:49:01,952
Fuck you.
I was born in '77.

1247
00:49:01,954 --> 00:49:03,787
'87. '94.

1248
00:49:03,789 --> 00:49:06,023
We're gonna drink
with you guys.

1249
00:49:06,025 --> 00:49:07,791
Would cops drink
with underage kids?

1250
00:49:07,793 --> 00:49:09,394
- No.
- No.

1251
00:49:09,396 --> 00:49:11,362
Okay. What about a little
chugging contest?

1252
00:49:11,364 --> 00:49:12,731
Um...

1253
00:49:12,733 --> 00:49:14,365
Yeah.

1254
00:49:14,367 --> 00:49:15,369
Bring it.

1255
00:49:16,503 --> 00:49:17,668
Okay, wait.

1256
00:49:17,670 --> 00:49:18,936
I got to get the room ready.

1257
00:49:22,943 --> 00:49:25,943
Oh, wow.

1258
00:49:25,945 --> 00:49:27,412
You're really going for it,
aren't you?

1259
00:49:27,414 --> 00:49:28,912
I saw this
in the romantic comedy,

1260
00:49:28,914 --> 00:49:30,815
<i>American Beauty.</i>
So good.

1261
00:49:30,817 --> 00:49:33,584
You watch the whole thing?

1262
00:49:37,791 --> 00:49:39,824
You know what this candle
does to me.

1263
00:49:39,826 --> 00:49:41,059
Is that the one
that gives you hives?

1264
00:49:41,061 --> 00:49:42,797
- No, it's the good one.
- Oh, nice.

1265
00:49:46,365 --> 00:49:48,402
You look so hot right now.

1266
00:49:58,445 --> 00:50:00,679
- Where are my chuggers at? You ready?
- Yeah!

1267
00:50:00,681 --> 00:50:02,514
- Oh, right here. Let's go.
- Whoot, whoot!

1268
00:50:02,516 --> 00:50:04,014
All right.

1269
00:50:04,016 --> 00:50:06,083
- Cool.
- Drop 'em.

1270
00:50:06,085 --> 00:50:07,254
Let's do it.

1271
00:50:09,389 --> 00:50:10,421
Wait, what?

1272
00:50:10,423 --> 00:50:11,555
Guys?

1273
00:50:11,557 --> 00:50:12,757
We're just chugging, right?

1274
00:50:12,759 --> 00:50:13,858
We're butt-chugging.

1275
00:50:13,860 --> 00:50:15,327
Yeah, you put the tube
up your butt,

1276
00:50:15,329 --> 00:50:16,628
and you funnel the beer in.

1277
00:50:16,630 --> 00:50:18,530
Fucks you up way more, man.
Trust me.

1278
00:50:18,532 --> 00:50:20,498
- Guys, butt-chugging?
- You got this. You got it.

1279
00:50:20,500 --> 00:50:21,833
No, I'm tagging out.
You're in.

1280
00:50:21,835 --> 00:50:23,400
- What? Why me?
- You've had a baby.

1281
00:50:23,402 --> 00:50:24,601
Everything's looser down there.

1282
00:50:24,603 --> 00:50:26,838
I didn't have a baby
out of my butt.

1283
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:28,807
- Even I know that.
- Mitchell.

1284
00:50:28,809 --> 00:50:31,809
Okay, this isn't
a common occurrence with me,

1285
00:50:31,811 --> 00:50:34,778
but I have had things
up there before.

1286
00:50:34,780 --> 00:50:36,914
- Hmm?
- It's just all about breathing.

1287
00:50:36,916 --> 00:50:39,684
So just breathe through it
and accept it in.

1288
00:50:39,686 --> 00:50:41,820
I can't do it. I can't do it.

1289
00:50:41,822 --> 00:50:44,088
Hey! She's up there right now
with that dick-bag Connor

1290
00:50:44,090 --> 00:50:45,724
with his man bun
and that stupid smirk.

1291
00:50:45,726 --> 00:50:46,961
Think about this.

1292
00:50:48,695 --> 00:50:50,362
W-Wait. Connor?

1293
00:50:50,364 --> 00:50:52,664
You know... you know
Connor Aldrich, "The Chef"?

1294
00:50:52,666 --> 00:50:54,733
Why do they call him
"The Chef"?

1295
00:50:54,735 --> 00:50:56,934
Uh, maybe a big fan
of <i>South Park?</i>

1296
00:50:56,936 --> 00:50:58,436
"Hello, children."

1297
00:50:58,438 --> 00:51:00,572
No, no.
He cooks drugs into everything.

1298
00:51:00,574 --> 00:51:02,440
Everything.
Uh, one time he made me

1299
00:51:02,442 --> 00:51:04,775
this, like,
acid financier cake. Oh!

1300
00:51:04,777 --> 00:51:07,378
That shit was to die for, man.

1301
00:51:07,380 --> 00:51:09,380
Like, literally,
I almost fucking died.

1302
00:51:09,382 --> 00:51:11,148
Yeah, dude, if your daughter
had anything like that cake,

1303
00:51:11,150 --> 00:51:12,871
she might not remember
who you are tomorrow.

1304
00:51:14,086 --> 00:51:16,454
Give me the fucking tube.

1305
00:51:18,391 --> 00:51:19,691
Let's bone.

1306
00:51:19,693 --> 00:51:20,992
Wait, what? Oh.

1307
00:51:20,994 --> 00:51:23,631
Are you sure that this
is how you want to do it?

1308
00:51:25,097 --> 00:51:26,798
Yes, Chad.

1309
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:28,900
This is always
how I've imagined it.

1310
00:51:28,902 --> 00:51:31,469
Oh, you know, I'd rather leave
my shirt on, if that's sexier.

1311
00:51:31,471 --> 00:51:34,405
I need another drink.

1312
00:51:34,407 --> 00:51:35,442
Wait, wait, uh...

1313
00:51:37,610 --> 00:51:39,878
Can you lube it up
with something first?

1314
00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:41,445
- Yeah, I'll just spit on it.
- No!

1315
00:51:41,447 --> 00:51:43,648
Why? Because I'm a man?
Get over yourself.

1316
00:51:43,650 --> 00:51:45,483
No, 'cause you're
fucking gross,

1317
00:51:45,485 --> 00:51:46,950
and your fucking
saliva's gross.

1318
00:51:46,952 --> 00:51:48,619
I have... I have lip gloss.
I have lip gloss.

1319
00:51:48,621 --> 00:51:50,487
- Got a lip gloss. We got a lip gloss.
- Okay, fine. Shit.

1320
00:51:50,489 --> 00:51:51,588
I don't have lip gloss.

1321
00:51:51,590 --> 00:51:53,191
All right, guys, let's get those tubes in.

1322
00:51:53,193 --> 00:51:54,726
All right,
I got the lip gloss on there.

1323
00:51:54,728 --> 00:51:55,827
- Okay.
- Okay, okay.

1324
00:51:55,829 --> 00:51:57,528
- All right.
- Okay, ready?

1325
00:51:57,530 --> 00:51:59,164
Ow, ow, ow, ow!

1326
00:51:59,166 --> 00:52:00,831
- It's not in yet.
- Okay. - Chill.

1327
00:52:00,833 --> 00:52:02,534
So it's just gonna be
on the count of three.

1328
00:52:02,536 --> 00:52:04,668
You got this, dawg.
This is for your kid.

1329
00:52:04,670 --> 00:52:06,438
- On three. Okay. All right. Yeah.
- On three.

1330
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:07,671
- Okay, one...
- One...

1331
00:52:07,673 --> 00:52:10,809
- Oh!
- Are you okay?

1332
00:52:10,811 --> 00:52:12,709
- Okay, get your 40s.
- They got a lager and an IPA.

1333
00:52:12,711 --> 00:52:14,012
Does it... Doesn't-doesn't...

1334
00:52:14,014 --> 00:52:15,546
- It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
- Okay.

1335
00:52:15,548 --> 00:52:16,847
- I don't know about this.
- No, no, no, no.

1336
00:52:16,849 --> 00:52:18,148
- It's too late. It's already in.
- Here you go.

1337
00:52:18,150 --> 00:52:19,516
It's in you.
It's part of you now.

1338
00:52:19,518 --> 00:52:21,052
- Ready? Set...
- Yeah.

1339
00:52:21,054 --> 00:52:23,921
Chug...!

1340
00:52:23,923 --> 00:52:26,523
Butt chug!
Butt chug! Butt chug!

1341
00:52:26,525 --> 00:52:27,891
Oh, wait.

1342
00:52:27,893 --> 00:52:29,461
- Hey, hey.
- Loosen up.

1343
00:52:29,463 --> 00:52:31,595
- It's not working, dude.
- I can't.

1344
00:52:31,597 --> 00:52:32,863
- You can hold my hand.
- Okay.

1345
00:52:32,865 --> 00:52:34,065
Butt chug! Butt chug!

1346
00:52:34,067 --> 00:52:35,800
- Ow!
- You're hurting her.

1347
00:52:35,802 --> 00:52:37,068
- That really hurt!
- I'm sorry!

1348
00:52:37,070 --> 00:52:38,635
Hey, man, listen.

1349
00:52:38,637 --> 00:52:40,905
Channel that energy
into your butthole.

1350
00:52:40,907 --> 00:52:41,972
- Breathe.
- This changes everything I know.

1351
00:52:41,974 --> 00:52:44,075
Dude, if your daughter
could see you now,

1352
00:52:44,077 --> 00:52:45,446
she'd be so proud of you.

1353
00:52:46,813 --> 00:52:49,046
Whoa.

1354
00:52:49,048 --> 00:52:52,816
I am... I am tripping so hard.

1355
00:52:52,818 --> 00:52:54,586
It's not working.
It's not working, dude.

1356
00:52:54,588 --> 00:52:56,653
- Oh, it's terrible. Oh.
- It is.

1357
00:52:56,655 --> 00:52:57,856
Butt chug! Butt chug!

1358
00:52:57,858 --> 00:52:59,791
- Open up.
- No, I'm sorry.

1359
00:52:59,793 --> 00:53:02,126
- I-I can't do it, man.
- Focus! For your daughter.

1360
00:53:02,128 --> 00:53:03,760
Fuck, Mitch. Focus.

1361
00:53:03,762 --> 00:53:05,095
- You gotta breathe.
- You gotta open up, dude.

1362
00:53:05,097 --> 00:53:07,565
- Relax.
- I'm relaxed. I'm dilated.

1363
00:53:07,567 --> 00:53:10,034
I'm staring at your asshole.
You're not dilated.

1364
00:53:10,036 --> 00:53:13,604
Mitchell, you're gonna
lose to this punk bitch?

1365
00:53:13,606 --> 00:53:15,740
Breathe. Take it in.

1366
00:53:15,742 --> 00:53:17,008
Butt chug!

1367
00:53:18,711 --> 00:53:20,043
There we go.

1368
00:53:20,045 --> 00:53:21,880
- Okay, good.
- Oh! Oh, it's working!

1369
00:53:21,882 --> 00:53:25,083
- It's working! It's working!
- Holy shit! Holy shit!

1370
00:53:25,085 --> 00:53:26,784
We're almost halfway done.

1371
00:53:26,786 --> 00:53:29,086
Po's! Fucking run!

1372
00:53:29,088 --> 00:53:30,588
Cops?

1373
00:53:30,590 --> 00:53:32,660
Oh, no!

1374
00:53:34,628 --> 00:53:37,061
Ass beer! Oh, oh!

1375
00:53:37,063 --> 00:53:38,662
Lisa, the beer went
into my mouth!

1376
00:53:38,664 --> 00:53:40,264
I have to go to the hospital!

1377
00:53:40,266 --> 00:53:42,867
Hurry up! Get out of here!

1378
00:53:42,869 --> 00:53:44,135
Shit.

1379
00:53:44,137 --> 00:53:46,037
We got to go.

1380
00:53:46,039 --> 00:53:48,238
I got ass beer in my mouth.
I should go to the hospital.

1381
00:53:48,240 --> 00:53:50,208
Oh, shit. The fucking cops?

1382
00:53:50,210 --> 00:53:51,943
- Fuck.
- The fucking cops are here?

1383
00:53:51,945 --> 00:53:53,845
- Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
- I can't get the tube out.

1384
00:53:53,847 --> 00:53:55,179
- Pull the tube out.
- Lis, pull it out.

1385
00:53:55,181 --> 00:53:57,115
- No. I put it in.
- I had to spit on it!

1386
00:53:57,117 --> 00:53:59,083
- What? You spit on it?
- No, it was my lip gloss.

1387
00:53:59,085 --> 00:54:00,784
- It was lip gloss.
- Pull it out!

1388
00:54:00,786 --> 00:54:02,320
Hey, man, be gentle.
Be fucking gentle, all right?

1389
00:54:02,322 --> 00:54:03,954
I'm gonna be gentle,
all right? Ready?

1390
00:54:03,956 --> 00:54:05,155
- All right, on three.
- On three.

1391
00:54:05,157 --> 00:54:06,624
- One.
- Ow!

1392
00:54:09,929 --> 00:54:11,563
- Come on.
- Whoo!

1393
00:54:11,565 --> 00:54:14,097
Hey, guys. Guys.

1394
00:54:14,099 --> 00:54:15,300
Wait, wait.

1395
00:54:15,302 --> 00:54:16,833
Sam?

1396
00:54:16,835 --> 00:54:18,702
Sam, Sam! We're over here.

1397
00:54:18,704 --> 00:54:20,905
- No! No, I... No.
- She's...

1398
00:54:20,907 --> 00:54:22,639
- The night is over.
- No.

1399
00:54:22,641 --> 00:54:24,909
It's over. It's done.

1400
00:54:24,911 --> 00:54:26,878
The night is not over.

1401
00:54:26,880 --> 00:54:28,880
The night has just begun.

1402
00:54:32,284 --> 00:54:34,985
Jesus, Chad, use your legs.

1403
00:54:34,987 --> 00:54:36,653
I mean, I pretty much
carried her,

1404
00:54:36,655 --> 00:54:37,824
like, the whole way there.

1405
00:54:45,864 --> 00:54:48,735
Hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle!

1406
00:54:49,835 --> 00:54:51,001
Come on, Sam.

1407
00:54:51,003 --> 00:54:52,369
- Come with us.
- I can't.

1408
00:54:52,371 --> 00:54:54,137
My car is here.
But all my friends

1409
00:54:54,139 --> 00:54:56,173
are going to the hotel party.

1410
00:54:56,175 --> 00:54:57,610
Maybe I'll see you later.

1411
00:55:02,615 --> 00:55:04,182
Get in the car!
Go, go, go, girl!

1412
00:55:04,184 --> 00:55:05,849
- Sam! Seriously, hurry up!
- You'll see her later.

1413
00:55:05,851 --> 00:55:07,284
- You'll see her later.
- What are you doing?

1414
00:55:07,286 --> 00:55:09,787
Ooh, this night is not over,
I swear to Christ!

1415
00:55:09,789 --> 00:55:11,322
Dukes of Hazzard!

1416
00:55:12,958 --> 00:55:14,958
Racist-ass show anyway.

1417
00:55:14,960 --> 00:55:17,195
- I got the spins, man.
- We got to find our daughter, dawg.

1418
00:55:17,197 --> 00:55:18,929
- I'm gonna sit down for a second.
- Rudy!

1419
00:55:18,931 --> 00:55:21,666
- It's Rudy. Rudy.
- Rudy, Rudy, wait, wait!

1420
00:55:21,668 --> 00:55:23,066
There he goes, there he goes!
Hit the clicker!

1421
00:55:23,068 --> 00:55:24,836
- Open the doors!
- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

1422
00:55:24,838 --> 00:55:26,771
- Okay, sit.
- I got mine.

1423
00:55:26,773 --> 00:55:28,776
<i>Seat belts!
You'll get a big ticket.</i>

1424
00:55:31,945 --> 00:55:33,945
- That's them right there.
- They're getting away.

1425
00:55:33,947 --> 00:55:35,213
- You gotta go faster. Hey.
- Okay.

1426
00:55:35,215 --> 00:55:37,048
Hey, you gotta be at 110%.

1427
00:55:37,050 --> 00:55:38,782
- Okay.
- You got to be in it to win it!

1428
00:55:38,784 --> 00:55:40,751
How do you get more competitive
when you're drunk?

1429
00:55:40,753 --> 00:55:42,920
Hey, man. I'm more of a winner
when I'm drunk, all right?

1430
00:55:42,922 --> 00:55:45,255
- Okay, okay.
- And the question I have

1431
00:55:45,257 --> 00:55:47,124
for you, Lis:
Are you a winner?

1432
00:55:47,126 --> 00:55:48,992
Are you in it to win it?

1433
00:55:48,994 --> 00:55:51,061
- Winning is my bitch!
- All right.

1434
00:55:51,063 --> 00:55:52,329
- Strong.
- Knock, knock!

1435
00:55:52,331 --> 00:55:54,231
- Who's there?
- Me winning.

1436
00:55:57,369 --> 00:55:58,970
It's not...

1437
00:55:58,972 --> 00:56:00,771
It's not that good.

1438
00:56:02,175 --> 00:56:04,175
I don't... Ow, ow!

1439
00:56:04,177 --> 00:56:05,842
- Lisa winning!
- It's not that good.

1440
00:56:05,844 --> 00:56:07,811
Ow! Fuck!
All right, it's good.

1441
00:56:07,813 --> 00:56:09,347
It's fine. I like it.

1442
00:56:09,349 --> 00:56:10,629
<i>Hey, you're losing him.
Let's go.</i>

1443
00:56:13,186 --> 00:56:15,452
Not on my watch.

1444
00:56:17,891 --> 00:56:20,157
Oh, hey!
- Whoa! - Ow!

1445
00:56:20,159 --> 00:56:21,693
Y'all think you gonna outrun

1446
00:56:21,695 --> 00:56:23,026
Rudy "The Main
Motherfucking Man" Glover?

1447
00:56:23,028 --> 00:56:24,162
Hell no.

1448
00:56:24,164 --> 00:56:25,996
- Are you all right?
- No!

1449
00:56:25,998 --> 00:56:27,164
Come on.

1450
00:56:27,166 --> 00:56:28,965
You okay?

1451
00:56:28,967 --> 00:56:31,101
Hey, guys.

1452
00:56:31,103 --> 00:56:32,970
Hey, I don't...

1453
00:56:32,972 --> 00:56:34,307
I don't feel so...

1454
00:56:35,875 --> 00:56:38,175
Oh, my God!

1455
00:56:38,177 --> 00:56:39,209
Oh, my God!

1456
00:56:44,384 --> 00:56:46,483
<i>All right,
here's what we're gonna do.</i>

1457
00:56:46,485 --> 00:56:47,651
Lisa, I have seen every single

1458
00:56:47,653 --> 00:56:49,854
- <i>Fast and the Furious</i> movie, okay?
- Mm-hmm.

1459
00:56:49,856 --> 00:56:51,755
All of them, dozens of times.
Have you seen any of them?

1460
00:56:51,757 --> 00:56:53,858
I saw the Tokyo one,
and I saw the one

1461
00:56:53,860 --> 00:56:55,126
where The Rock
punches the torpedo.

1462
00:56:55,128 --> 00:56:56,927
Those are the best two to see.

1463
00:56:56,929 --> 00:57:00,164
Okay, in times like this,
I ask myself one question:

1464
00:57:00,166 --> 00:57:02,733
"WWVDD?"
You know what that means?

1465
00:57:02,735 --> 00:57:03,967
"What would Vin Diesel do?"

1466
00:57:03,969 --> 00:57:05,503
Holy shit!

1467
00:57:05,505 --> 00:57:07,346
No one's ever fucking
gotten that before. Okay.

1468
00:57:12,445 --> 00:57:14,048
Oh, man, it smells like...

1469
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:16,414
What we're gonna do...

1470
00:57:16,416 --> 00:57:17,481
we're gonna kiss the bumper.

1471
00:57:17,483 --> 00:57:18,349
- You give it a little tap.
- Okay.

1472
00:57:18,351 --> 00:57:19,983
And then they're gonna
spin and stop,

1473
00:57:19,985 --> 00:57:21,753
and we're gonna spin
and stop the other way.

1474
00:57:21,755 --> 00:57:23,354
- Okay.
- And we're gonna look at each other,

1475
00:57:23,356 --> 00:57:25,289
and we're gonna go,
"It's all about the family."

1476
00:57:25,291 --> 00:57:27,525
Wait, I don't feel comfortable
running the kids off the road.

1477
00:57:27,527 --> 00:57:30,128
This slow and un-furious
attitude is not helping us.

1478
00:57:30,130 --> 00:57:31,429
You have to believe!

1479
00:57:31,431 --> 00:57:32,929
Okay, I'm gonna kiss it.

1480
00:57:32,931 --> 00:57:34,300
Here we go!

1481
00:57:35,902 --> 00:57:37,367
What's that?

1482
00:57:37,369 --> 00:57:39,302
- Did I do it?
- No, you didn't even kiss it.

1483
00:57:39,304 --> 00:57:40,438
- You gotta kiss it.
- Shit. Okay.

1484
00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:42,840
Kiss it for the family.

1485
00:57:42,842 --> 00:57:44,845
- Is that Sam?
- Is that Sam?

1486
00:57:46,813 --> 00:57:48,880
- Oh! Oh, God!
- She barfed on us!

1487
00:57:48,882 --> 00:57:50,447
<i>Oh, my God!</i>

1488
00:58:01,427 --> 00:58:03,363
Fuck.

1489
00:58:06,266 --> 00:58:07,965
Okay.

1490
00:58:07,967 --> 00:58:09,867
Are we in Heaven?

1491
00:58:09,869 --> 00:58:11,969
Okay. Listen, I know
how to do this.

1492
00:58:11,971 --> 00:58:14,204
Everyone lean backwards.

1493
00:58:14,206 --> 00:58:16,206
If we all lean backwards
on three,

1494
00:58:16,208 --> 00:58:17,575
the car will roll back.

1495
00:58:17,577 --> 00:58:18,876
- Ready?
- Okay.

1496
00:58:18,878 --> 00:58:20,244
One...

1497
00:58:20,246 --> 00:58:22,079
two... three.

1498
00:58:23,248 --> 00:58:26,249
- Oh, fuck...!
- No!

1499
00:58:26,251 --> 00:58:27,517
- Oh!
- Oh, no!

1500
00:58:32,826 --> 00:58:36,159
Well, that's the last
of the ass beer.

1501
00:58:36,161 --> 00:58:38,162
Jesus! That's it. Are you okay?

1502
00:58:38,164 --> 00:58:41,331
Are you bleeding? You might
have internal blood injuries.

1503
00:58:41,333 --> 00:58:43,534
- I'm all right, I'm all right.
- Here's the problem.

1504
00:58:43,536 --> 00:58:46,037
The <i>Fast and the Furious</i>
movies are not realistic.

1505
00:58:46,039 --> 00:58:47,237
Where are we?

1506
00:58:47,239 --> 00:58:48,539
Shit!

1507
00:58:48,541 --> 00:58:49,907
Fuck.

1508
00:58:52,110 --> 00:58:53,510
What are you doing?

1509
00:58:53,512 --> 00:58:55,313
I heard that in times
of crisis, parents have

1510
00:58:55,315 --> 00:58:56,880
- superhuman strength.
- No offense... there's

1511
00:58:56,882 --> 00:58:58,583
no scientific way you're gonna
flip that car over.

1512
00:58:58,585 --> 00:59:00,584
- I couldn't even do that.
- I couldn't do it, either.

1513
00:59:00,586 --> 00:59:03,824
Do not tell me what I can
and can't do.

1514
00:59:07,159 --> 00:59:09,025
Kayla's not answering again.

1515
00:59:09,027 --> 00:59:10,427
- Goddamn it.
- We lost 'em, guys.

1516
00:59:10,429 --> 00:59:11,896
We are fucked!

1517
00:59:11,898 --> 00:59:13,400
Or maybe not.

1518
00:59:16,001 --> 00:59:18,168
What are you doing?

1519
00:59:18,170 --> 00:59:20,170
Trying to telepathically
communicate with Kayla.

1520
00:59:20,172 --> 00:59:21,572
I'm with the X-Men of parents.

1521
00:59:21,574 --> 00:59:23,106
You know what
my secret power is?

1522
00:59:23,108 --> 00:59:24,641
I'm super fucking annoyed
right now,

1523
00:59:24,643 --> 00:59:26,479
and I hurt my love handle.

1524
00:59:30,916 --> 00:59:32,083
No, no.

1525
00:59:32,085 --> 00:59:33,549
Hey.

1526
00:59:33,552 --> 00:59:35,987
You guys think my new clothes
go with my fedora?

1527
00:59:35,989 --> 00:59:37,521
I'm just kidding.
I know they do.

1528
00:59:43,262 --> 00:59:44,597
Hey.

1529
00:59:46,632 --> 00:59:49,266
- Have you talked to your mom?
- No.

1530
00:59:49,268 --> 00:59:50,901
So, my parents
were just texting me,

1531
00:59:50,903 --> 00:59:52,202
and they were having sex,

1532
00:59:52,204 --> 00:59:54,273
and your mom showed up
looking for you.

1533
00:59:55,407 --> 00:59:57,240
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

1534
00:59:57,242 --> 00:59:58,508
It's... it's okay.

1535
00:59:58,510 --> 01:00:00,244
They have sex all the time.

1536
01:00:00,246 --> 01:00:01,912
Oh, my God.

1537
01:00:01,914 --> 01:00:03,546
She... The texts.

1538
01:00:03,548 --> 01:00:05,316
So many texts.

1539
01:00:05,318 --> 01:00:06,950
She's mad.

1540
01:00:06,952 --> 01:00:09,253
I need to handle this.

1541
01:00:09,255 --> 01:00:10,987
Good news.
A Lyft is on its way.

1542
01:00:10,989 --> 01:00:13,023
Oh, wait, no, I know this guy.
He sucks.

1543
01:00:13,025 --> 01:00:14,224
Oh, shit. It's Julie.

1544
01:00:14,226 --> 01:00:16,327
- Be-be cool, be cool, be cool, be cool.
- Okay, be quiet.

1545
01:00:16,329 --> 01:00:18,662
- Okay.
- Hey, Mom.

1546
01:00:18,664 --> 01:00:20,398
I just got all your texts,
and I just want

1547
01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:21,666
to let you know
that we're all good.

1548
01:00:21,668 --> 01:00:22,999
Cool, cool. Okay.

1549
01:00:23,001 --> 01:00:26,170
Um, are you at the prom?

1550
01:00:26,172 --> 01:00:27,338
Yeah.

1551
01:00:27,340 --> 01:00:29,706
Yeah, just nonstop
magical moments.

1552
01:00:29,708 --> 01:00:31,342
Ha! You are lying to me.

1553
01:00:31,344 --> 01:00:33,043
Where are you right now?
Where are you?

1554
01:00:33,045 --> 01:00:34,211
Why are you freaking out?

1555
01:00:34,213 --> 01:00:35,512
I'm freaking out

1556
01:00:35,514 --> 01:00:37,548
because I know
what you're up to.

1557
01:00:37,551 --> 01:00:39,249
And I know that you
and your friends

1558
01:00:39,251 --> 01:00:42,720
are planning some kind
of little sex pact or whatever.

1559
01:00:42,722 --> 01:00:45,222
- What did you say?
- You heard me.

1560
01:00:45,224 --> 01:00:47,157
How could you possibly know?

1561
01:00:47,159 --> 01:00:50,728
Because I am your mother
and I know you.

1562
01:00:50,730 --> 01:00:53,630
- And I know you better than you know yourself.
- Yes.

1563
01:00:53,632 --> 01:00:58,202
And I also know that you're
planning on going to UCLA

1564
01:00:58,204 --> 01:01:00,371
and that you're
following Austin.

1565
01:01:00,373 --> 01:01:02,305
Yeah.

1566
01:01:02,307 --> 01:01:06,413
I... know... everything.

1567
01:01:07,646 --> 01:01:11,115
Oh, my God, you know nothing.

1568
01:01:11,117 --> 01:01:13,751
Why do you even assume
that it's me following Austin?

1569
01:01:13,753 --> 01:01:17,354
Huh? You're not worried
about me, Mom.

1570
01:01:17,356 --> 01:01:18,621
You're worried about you.

1571
01:01:18,623 --> 01:01:20,124
You're afraid of losing me.

1572
01:01:20,126 --> 01:01:21,525
You're afraid of being alone.

1573
01:01:21,527 --> 01:01:23,994
I am not scared of being alone.

1574
01:01:25,364 --> 01:01:27,331
This is not about me.

1575
01:01:27,333 --> 01:01:31,401
I have not thought about myself
for the last 18 years.

1576
01:01:31,403 --> 01:01:33,403
This is about you.

1577
01:01:33,405 --> 01:01:37,141
And as a single mother,
I am trying to stop you

1578
01:01:37,143 --> 01:01:39,211
from making
a life-ruining decision.

1579
01:01:40,545 --> 01:01:43,246
So I was a...
a life-ruining decision?

1580
01:01:43,248 --> 01:01:46,050
No. No, of cour...
No, that is not what I meant.

1581
01:01:46,052 --> 01:01:48,284
- No, that is not what I meant.
- You know what, Mom?

1582
01:01:48,286 --> 01:01:51,322
I'm not going to UCLA
because of some boy, okay?

1583
01:01:51,324 --> 01:01:53,691
I'm going to UCLA
because it's the furthest

1584
01:01:53,693 --> 01:01:55,461
I can get from you.

1585
01:01:57,130 --> 01:01:59,130
W-Well...

1586
01:01:59,132 --> 01:02:01,599
Hello?

1587
01:02:01,601 --> 01:02:04,568
Nanaru is on his way.

1588
01:02:04,570 --> 01:02:06,206
46 minutes.

1589
01:02:07,806 --> 01:02:11,010
Well, so she hates me.

1590
01:02:13,545 --> 01:02:15,512
She doesn't hate you.

1591
01:02:15,514 --> 01:02:17,248
Kayla's ignoring me.

1592
01:02:17,250 --> 01:02:19,516
She's bringing it
to a whole new level of spite.

1593
01:02:19,518 --> 01:02:21,151
Yeah.

1594
01:02:21,153 --> 01:02:23,119
It's a...
that's a new level of pain.

1595
01:02:23,121 --> 01:02:25,088
Yeah. I know, I know.

1596
01:02:25,090 --> 01:02:28,224
It's just different for me,
because I gave birth to her,

1597
01:02:28,226 --> 01:02:30,293
and I just feel very connected.

1598
01:02:30,295 --> 01:02:32,262
She was living in my body.

1599
01:02:32,264 --> 01:02:33,630
- Kayla grew in me.
- Yeah.

1600
01:02:33,632 --> 01:02:35,199
She grew in me. She-she did.

1601
01:02:35,201 --> 01:02:37,834
She grew from my balls,
and I shot her into Marcie.

1602
01:02:37,836 --> 01:02:40,239
This is the same
for you and me.

1603
01:02:41,407 --> 01:02:42,706
Not exactly.

1604
01:02:42,708 --> 01:02:46,142
I mean, you have
daily love in your life,

1605
01:02:46,144 --> 01:02:49,079
and I'm probably gonna
die alone

1606
01:02:49,081 --> 01:02:51,481
and won't be found
for a really long time.

1607
01:02:51,483 --> 01:02:54,418
Until one day,
someone will be walking by

1608
01:02:54,420 --> 01:02:55,753
with their golden retriever,

1609
01:02:55,755 --> 01:02:57,655
and the dog
is just gonna lose its shit,

1610
01:02:57,657 --> 01:02:59,557
and then they're gonna
call the police,

1611
01:02:59,559 --> 01:03:03,561
and then they're gonna come in
and find me draped over the tub

1612
01:03:03,563 --> 01:03:07,231
with my feral cats
eating away at my hair.

1613
01:03:07,233 --> 01:03:08,731
'Cause cats do that.

1614
01:03:08,733 --> 01:03:10,400
The fuck is wrong with you?

1615
01:03:10,402 --> 01:03:12,436
That is some dark shit.

1616
01:03:12,438 --> 01:03:14,237
- You're gonna die alone?
- Oh, oh, oh, oh! My man!

1617
01:03:14,239 --> 01:03:15,805
- My man!
- Where the hell did you get that idea?

1618
01:03:15,807 --> 01:03:16,807
- You know what?
- Come on!

1619
01:03:16,809 --> 01:03:18,342
I call you all the time.

1620
01:03:18,344 --> 01:03:20,110
You ever return my calls? No.

1621
01:03:20,112 --> 01:03:21,811
Because we're not
really friends, you and me.

1622
01:03:21,813 --> 01:03:23,481
We're not friends?

1623
01:03:23,483 --> 01:03:25,483
I don't mean it, uh, that...
I-I... you...

1624
01:03:25,485 --> 01:03:27,751
You know what you are?

1625
01:03:27,753 --> 01:03:30,521
You are like the thing
that pops up on Facebook,

1626
01:03:30,523 --> 01:03:33,456
and then it's, like,
this beautiful picture

1627
01:03:33,458 --> 01:03:36,427
of your grandma who's dead.

1628
01:03:36,429 --> 01:03:38,429
And you're like,
"Fuck you, Facebook,

1629
01:03:38,431 --> 01:03:40,296
for reminding me of my loss."

1630
01:03:40,298 --> 01:03:41,398
That's why you're avoiding me?

1631
01:03:41,400 --> 01:03:43,166
Because I remind you of loss?

1632
01:03:43,168 --> 01:03:46,769
Yes. I don't want to be
reminded of sweet, young Julie

1633
01:03:46,771 --> 01:03:49,273
and our kids
and that beautiful time

1634
01:03:49,275 --> 01:03:50,907
- in our lives is over.
- Oh, God.

1635
01:03:50,909 --> 01:03:53,244
Boo-fucking-hoo with you two.

1636
01:03:53,246 --> 01:03:55,445
You guys completely ignore me.

1637
01:03:55,447 --> 01:03:57,481
- Always.
- Yeah, no shit, cheater.

1638
01:03:57,483 --> 01:03:58,916
Oh, cheater? That's my...
that's my designation?

1639
01:03:58,918 --> 01:04:00,684
That's what I am?
I'm the cheater?

1640
01:04:00,686 --> 01:04:02,452
Fuck that shit.

1641
01:04:02,454 --> 01:04:04,822
Did you guys ever once call me
when that went down

1642
01:04:04,824 --> 01:04:06,789
and ask me my side
of the story?

1643
01:04:06,791 --> 01:04:08,626
You didn't.

1644
01:04:08,628 --> 01:04:10,193
I would have
told you the truth.

1645
01:04:10,195 --> 01:04:11,896
I would have told you
that Brenda had stopped

1646
01:04:11,898 --> 01:04:13,530
talking to me
months before that happened.

1647
01:04:13,532 --> 01:04:15,499
You know she hooked up
with her boss

1648
01:04:15,501 --> 01:04:18,269
at a company retreat
in Wisconsin?

1649
01:04:18,271 --> 01:04:19,737
Do you know she beat me up?

1650
01:04:19,739 --> 01:04:21,472
She fucking beat me up

1651
01:04:21,474 --> 01:04:23,706
at a Romano's
fucking Macaroni Grill!

1652
01:04:23,708 --> 01:04:26,476
She fucking slapped me in front
of the fucking maitre d'!

1653
01:04:26,478 --> 01:04:27,677
- I didn't know that.
- I'm sorry, man.

1654
01:04:27,679 --> 01:04:29,679
And I fucking embarrass myself,

1655
01:04:29,681 --> 01:04:31,916
and I embarrass myself
in front of my daughter.

1656
01:04:31,918 --> 01:04:33,349
And I-I-I thought, you know,

1657
01:04:33,351 --> 01:04:34,651
I should pull back
a little bit,

1658
01:04:34,653 --> 01:04:35,952
and then fucking Frank
showed up,

1659
01:04:35,954 --> 01:04:37,887
and he... I pulled back more,

1660
01:04:37,889 --> 01:04:39,789
and I thought,
"One day I'm gonna fix it.

1661
01:04:39,791 --> 01:04:41,559
One day I'm gonna
fucking fix it."

1662
01:04:41,561 --> 01:04:43,459
And then I thought,
if I gave her

1663
01:04:43,461 --> 01:04:48,231
something awesome,
like a great night,

1664
01:04:48,233 --> 01:04:50,467
I could get close
with her again.

1665
01:04:50,469 --> 01:04:52,139
But I can't.

1666
01:04:55,675 --> 01:04:57,508
'Cause she's gone.
They're just...

1667
01:04:57,510 --> 01:04:59,510
The kids, they...

1668
01:04:59,512 --> 01:05:00,878
they just leave.

1669
01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:03,546
Oh, shit!
I know how we can find them.

1670
01:05:03,548 --> 01:05:04,914
Go to Cathy and Ron's.

1671
01:05:04,916 --> 01:05:06,483
Austin's been texting them
all night.

1672
01:05:06,485 --> 01:05:08,552
Did you hear anything
I said just now?

1673
01:05:08,554 --> 01:05:10,253
- That's a great idea.
- Fuck it.

1674
01:05:10,255 --> 01:05:11,655
It's just good
to say it out loud.

1675
01:05:11,657 --> 01:05:13,827
- Let's go flip that car.
- Hell...

1676
01:05:14,927 --> 01:05:17,595
Jesus Christ!

1677
01:05:17,597 --> 01:05:20,934
Oh, my fucking God.

1678
01:05:22,335 --> 01:05:23,833
Shit.

1679
01:05:23,835 --> 01:05:26,537
My car just exploded.

1680
01:05:29,307 --> 01:05:31,708
Nanaru is 26 minutes away.

1681
01:05:31,710 --> 01:05:33,244
So that's good.

1682
01:05:33,246 --> 01:05:34,612
I thought I canceled him.

1683
01:05:34,614 --> 01:05:35,979
Thanks, Nanaru.

1684
01:05:35,981 --> 01:05:37,380
So Austin's parents
aren't gonna

1685
01:05:37,382 --> 01:05:38,682
just tell us where they are.

1686
01:05:38,684 --> 01:05:40,751
So we need to get Ron's phone,

1687
01:05:40,753 --> 01:05:43,019
read the texts
and find our kids.

1688
01:05:43,021 --> 01:05:44,354
Okay?

1689
01:05:44,356 --> 01:05:46,257
Hunter, it's not gonna be you.

1690
01:05:46,259 --> 01:05:47,724
So, Mitchell, it's you.

1691
01:05:47,726 --> 01:05:49,559
No. That's breaking
and entering.

1692
01:05:49,561 --> 01:05:51,662
That is...
I'm uncomfortable with that.

1693
01:05:51,664 --> 01:05:53,496
Are you a team player,
or aren't you?

1694
01:05:53,498 --> 01:05:54,697
Am I a team player?

1695
01:05:54,699 --> 01:05:55,965
I just chugged a 40
with my asshole.

1696
01:05:55,967 --> 01:05:57,001
I'm a team player.

1697
01:05:57,003 --> 01:05:58,769
Then get your head in the game.

1698
01:05:58,771 --> 01:06:01,371
It's the bottom of the third,
we are down by one,

1699
01:06:01,373 --> 01:06:03,609
and there is not a lot
of game left.

1700
01:06:04,943 --> 01:06:06,709
There is a lot
of game left, though.

1701
01:06:06,711 --> 01:06:08,711
Listen. You have one pass left.

1702
01:06:08,713 --> 01:06:10,648
One. One pass.

1703
01:06:10,650 --> 01:06:12,715
- Is it rug... rugby?
- You don't have a limit on passing.

1704
01:06:12,717 --> 01:06:13,784
Is it Australian-rules
football?

1705
01:06:13,786 --> 01:06:15,619
And if it was the third,
I would have the fourth...

1706
01:06:15,621 --> 01:06:16,920
You know what? You know
what's happening right now?

1707
01:06:16,922 --> 01:06:18,688
Let me tell you what's
happening right now.

1708
01:06:18,690 --> 01:06:20,824
Is Kayla and Connor
are sliding into bed.

1709
01:06:20,826 --> 01:06:22,458
He's grabbing a condom,

1710
01:06:22,460 --> 01:06:24,595
and then he's flicking it
to the side

1711
01:06:24,597 --> 01:06:26,530
with a smirk on his face.

1712
01:06:26,532 --> 01:06:29,599
That fucking smirk. No way.

1713
01:06:29,601 --> 01:06:30,934
We need a Hail Mary pass.

1714
01:06:30,936 --> 01:06:32,568
Are you up for that, son?

1715
01:06:32,570 --> 01:06:34,037
- Yes, Coach.
- Well, I can't hear you.

1716
01:06:34,039 --> 01:06:35,706
- Yes, Coach. I'm in it.
- I can't hear you!

1717
01:06:35,708 --> 01:06:37,007
I can fucking do this!
Let's go!

1718
01:06:37,009 --> 01:06:38,445
Okay, we gotta...
we gotta be quiet.

1719
01:06:43,081 --> 01:06:44,784
Careful.

1720
01:06:50,422 --> 01:06:51,789
All right, go.

1721
01:06:51,791 --> 01:06:53,393
Go.

1722
01:07:19,351 --> 01:07:20,872
Did you...? Look at that.

1723
01:07:28,626 --> 01:07:29,860
Go out that way.

1724
01:07:29,862 --> 01:07:30,994
There's a person.
There's a person.

1725
01:07:30,996 --> 01:07:32,565
What? Fuck you.

1726
01:07:34,065 --> 01:07:35,701
Jesus Christ.

1727
01:07:48,481 --> 01:07:51,749
I'm gonna get you.

1728
01:07:51,751 --> 01:07:55,485
Not if I get you first.

1729
01:08:01,827 --> 01:08:03,994
No, no. Get away from here.

1730
01:08:03,996 --> 01:08:06,432
- I'm fucking out.
- Mitchell, in. - Get in.

1731
01:08:08,166 --> 01:08:10,800
- Cath?
- Ron, no talking.

1732
01:08:10,802 --> 01:08:13,604
Come on, we had a deal.
We have to find each other

1733
01:08:13,606 --> 01:08:15,606
by sensing each other's musks.

1734
01:08:15,608 --> 01:08:17,007
Can't use our voices.

1735
01:08:35,427 --> 01:08:37,794
Here, kitty, kitty.

1736
01:08:37,796 --> 01:08:39,028
I can smell that musk.

1737
01:08:46,005 --> 01:08:48,504
Oh. Yeah.

1738
01:08:48,506 --> 01:08:51,040
Yeah, yeah, I like the sound of that.

1739
01:08:51,042 --> 01:08:52,942
Oh!

1740
01:08:52,944 --> 01:08:54,878
Oh! Hey.

1741
01:08:54,880 --> 01:08:57,613
You want to touch first,
that works for Ronnie.

1742
01:08:57,615 --> 01:08:58,915
You want me to touch you?

1743
01:08:58,917 --> 01:09:00,217
- Help yourself.
- You want me to touch you?

1744
01:09:00,219 --> 01:09:02,518
- Yes.
- I'm gonna touch you hard.

1745
01:09:02,520 --> 01:09:05,522
- Do it. Do it.
- How about I touch you with my nails, baby?

1746
01:09:05,524 --> 01:09:07,723
- Let's have it.
- Oh, oh, yeah.

1747
01:09:07,725 --> 01:09:09,460
- Oh, wow.
- Your hair is so sexy, babe.

1748
01:09:09,462 --> 01:09:10,760
Your grip is unbelievable.

1749
01:09:10,762 --> 01:09:12,562
I want you to touch me

1750
01:09:12,564 --> 01:09:13,863
where I like.

1751
01:09:13,865 --> 01:09:15,732
My balls, you know?

1752
01:09:15,734 --> 01:09:18,535
Oh, you'd like me
to touch your balls.

1753
01:09:18,537 --> 01:09:20,803
You want me to touch
your balls, do you?

1754
01:09:20,805 --> 01:09:22,906
- Yes, I do.
- How badly do you

1755
01:09:22,908 --> 01:09:24,508
want me to tug at your balls?

1756
01:09:24,510 --> 01:09:26,809
I want you
to rip them off my body.

1757
01:09:26,811 --> 01:09:28,845
- That's what I want.
- Mm, I don't really believe you.

1758
01:09:28,847 --> 01:09:30,546
I don't believe
you want it bad enough.

1759
01:09:30,548 --> 01:09:31,982
I want it bad. Do it. Come on.

1760
01:09:31,984 --> 01:09:33,916
- Really? How bad?
- I want it so bad that my balls

1761
01:09:33,918 --> 01:09:35,585
- are going to explode.
- Ooh, are they gonna explode

1762
01:09:35,587 --> 01:09:37,720
into a million little pieces?

1763
01:09:37,722 --> 01:09:39,121
Well, let me tell you
something, darling.

1764
01:09:39,123 --> 01:09:40,223
It is your lucky day.

1765
01:09:40,225 --> 01:09:41,625
Because it's Christmas for you.

1766
01:09:41,627 --> 01:09:42,826
Let's go.

1767
01:09:42,828 --> 01:09:44,561
Come on. Come on, do it.

1768
01:09:44,563 --> 01:09:46,662
- You there?
- What, this isn't hard enough?

1769
01:09:46,664 --> 01:09:48,065
- Let's go. Come on.
- Harder?

1770
01:09:48,067 --> 01:09:49,665
Come on, do it, do it.

1771
01:09:49,667 --> 01:09:51,668
- I'm waiting.
- Okeydokey.

1772
01:09:51,670 --> 01:09:54,537
Oh, yeah, you like that?

1773
01:09:54,539 --> 01:09:56,706
Hey, man, I don't judge
people's sex shit.

1774
01:09:56,708 --> 01:09:58,575
That was ridiculous and stupid.

1775
01:09:58,577 --> 01:10:00,009
Way to take one
for the team, guys.

1776
01:10:00,011 --> 01:10:01,678
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Here it is.

1777
01:10:01,680 --> 01:10:03,546
"The police came
to the lake house.

1778
01:10:03,548 --> 01:10:05,648
Almost lost my flower
but didn't quite work out."

1779
01:10:05,650 --> 01:10:07,784
- Flower? - Flower?
- He said that? He's a boy.

1780
01:10:07,786 --> 01:10:08,852
Hub-uh-uh, hub-uh-uh...

1781
01:10:08,854 --> 01:10:10,521
"Heading
to the Park West Hotel.

1782
01:10:10,523 --> 01:10:12,022
- We've got the Grand Lux Suite."
- Suite?

1783
01:10:12,024 --> 01:10:13,924
"Looks like the little boy
is becoming a man."

1784
01:10:13,926 --> 01:10:15,092
Fucking dork.

1785
01:10:15,094 --> 01:10:16,626
Okay, so that was
ten minutes ago.

1786
01:10:16,628 --> 01:10:17,794
So they haven't had sex yet.

1787
01:10:17,796 --> 01:10:18,928
We can still catch 'em.

1788
01:10:18,930 --> 01:10:20,796
Okay, let's do this.

1789
01:11:05,644 --> 01:11:06,876
Hey.

1790
01:11:06,878 --> 01:11:08,178
- Hey.
- Hey.

1791
01:11:08,180 --> 01:11:10,213
How's she doing?
Is she okay?

1792
01:11:10,215 --> 01:11:12,049
No, she's not doing okay.
She's bummed.

1793
01:11:12,051 --> 01:11:14,587
She doesn't even want to kiss.
And I love kissing.

1794
01:11:16,255 --> 01:11:17,821
Give me your room key.

1795
01:11:17,823 --> 01:11:19,222
- What? Why?
- Yeah.

1796
01:11:19,224 --> 01:11:21,258
Give me your room key,
and then bring her up

1797
01:11:21,260 --> 01:11:22,862
in like 15 minutes.

1798
01:11:23,996 --> 01:11:25,595
- Okay.
- Yes.

1799
01:11:25,597 --> 01:11:26,763
Thanks. You're the man.

1800
01:11:26,765 --> 01:11:28,365
Thank you for this.

1801
01:11:34,739 --> 01:11:36,205
How we supposed to find them
in this place?

1802
01:11:36,207 --> 01:11:37,907
It's got like 20 rooms.

1803
01:11:37,909 --> 01:11:39,308
I'm sorry, what the fuck

1804
01:11:39,310 --> 01:11:40,876
are you talking about?

1805
01:11:40,878 --> 01:11:42,879
20? It's got like 200.

1806
01:11:42,881 --> 01:11:44,147
What? 20?

1807
01:11:44,149 --> 01:11:46,183
Grand Lux Suite
is on the top floor.

1808
01:11:46,185 --> 01:11:47,617
Go, go, go, go.

1809
01:11:47,619 --> 01:11:49,251
Move. Hurry, Lisa!

1810
01:12:51,315 --> 01:12:53,318
What am I doing here?

1811
01:13:12,171 --> 01:13:13,903
Oh, my God.

1812
01:13:13,905 --> 01:13:16,039
Oh, my God, my favorite.

1813
01:13:16,041 --> 01:13:17,840
That's so sweet.

1814
01:13:17,842 --> 01:13:19,241
Oh, my God.

1815
01:13:19,243 --> 01:13:20,843
This is a dream.

1816
01:13:20,845 --> 01:13:22,144
It's, like, perfect.

1817
01:13:22,146 --> 01:13:23,714
That is... It's so nice.

1818
01:13:23,716 --> 01:13:24,848
You're so sweet.

1819
01:13:24,850 --> 01:13:26,849
It actually wasn't me.

1820
01:13:26,851 --> 01:13:28,050
It was Kayla.

1821
01:13:28,052 --> 01:13:29,785
She wanted you
to have the perfect night.

1822
01:13:29,787 --> 01:13:31,021
That's why it looks so good.

1823
01:13:31,023 --> 01:13:33,757
Well, why do you look so good?

1824
01:13:33,759 --> 01:13:35,491
You're such a dork.

1825
01:13:35,493 --> 01:13:37,195
I-I know.

1826
01:13:39,497 --> 01:13:41,701
Oh, my God.

1827
01:13:45,871 --> 01:13:48,041
Not as smooth as I could.

1828
01:13:51,510 --> 01:13:53,477
Let me get my shoes.

1829
01:13:57,783 --> 01:13:58,818
Kayla?

1830
01:14:05,090 --> 01:14:06,757
Nobody move. Where's Kayla?

1831
01:14:06,759 --> 01:14:08,795
Kayla? Kayla?

1832
01:14:09,927 --> 01:14:11,428
Get that out of here.

1833
01:14:11,430 --> 01:14:12,963
Now, how's this work?
Is this...?

1834
01:14:12,965 --> 01:14:14,164
- No, just leave it.
- Okay, cool.

1835
01:14:14,166 --> 01:14:15,206
- It's difficult.
- Mm-hmm.

1836
01:14:18,369 --> 01:14:20,137
Play sports.

1837
01:14:20,139 --> 01:14:22,104
Mwah. Mwah.

1838
01:14:22,106 --> 01:14:24,907
Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.

1839
01:14:24,909 --> 01:14:26,276
Mwah.

1840
01:14:26,278 --> 01:14:27,943
And that's that.

1841
01:14:27,945 --> 01:14:31,113
So, you, uh,
sure you want to do this?

1842
01:14:31,115 --> 01:14:32,148
Yeah.

1843
01:14:32,150 --> 01:14:33,916
Yes. Fuck yeah.

1844
01:14:33,918 --> 01:14:35,919
You're gonna...
you're gonna penis me.

1845
01:14:35,921 --> 01:14:38,254
- Yep.
- First, I'm gonna...

1846
01:14:38,256 --> 01:14:40,055
I'm just gonna touch it.

1847
01:14:40,057 --> 01:14:41,558
- You want to touch it? Yeah, you can touch it.
- Yeah.

1848
01:14:41,560 --> 01:14:43,425
- Yeah, yeah, go for it. Yeah.
- Okay, just, like...

1849
01:14:43,427 --> 01:14:45,428
Oh! Wow!

1850
01:14:45,430 --> 01:14:47,397
Okay. That is, like,
the greatest feeling

1851
01:14:47,399 --> 01:14:49,799
I've ever had
in my entire life.

1852
01:14:49,801 --> 01:14:51,867
Really?

1853
01:14:51,869 --> 01:14:54,937
It doesn't just feel like
a super dry hand of a friend?

1854
01:14:54,939 --> 01:14:56,942
No. Nope.

1855
01:14:58,042 --> 01:14:59,942
Okay, so...

1856
01:14:59,944 --> 01:15:03,079
do you want to, um...

1857
01:15:03,081 --> 01:15:04,382
put it in?

1858
01:15:07,819 --> 01:15:08,985
No.

1859
01:15:08,987 --> 01:15:10,352
Okay.

1860
01:15:10,354 --> 01:15:12,054
- I can't. I'm sorry.
- You know what?

1861
01:15:12,056 --> 01:15:14,590
Look, we don't ha...

1862
01:15:14,592 --> 01:15:16,326
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

1863
01:15:16,328 --> 01:15:18,227
- Holy shit!
- Right there. Look at all of it.

1864
01:15:18,229 --> 01:15:20,095
Oh, my gosh! I gotta get over.

1865
01:15:20,097 --> 01:15:22,199
Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1866
01:15:22,201 --> 01:15:24,067
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1867
01:15:24,069 --> 01:15:26,602
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I just...

1868
01:15:26,604 --> 01:15:28,839
- It's okay.
- I was thinking about it and you,

1869
01:15:28,841 --> 01:15:30,874
and then it just... I'm sorry.

1870
01:15:32,310 --> 01:15:34,177
My God.

1871
01:15:34,179 --> 01:15:35,845
You're amazing.

1872
01:15:35,847 --> 01:15:37,880
I know we're still virgins,

1873
01:15:37,882 --> 01:15:40,416
but I feel different, you know?

1874
01:15:40,418 --> 01:15:42,952
Yeah.

1875
01:15:42,954 --> 01:15:44,390
I know.

1876
01:15:47,158 --> 01:15:50,026
You ready to, uh, do this?

1877
01:15:50,028 --> 01:15:52,128
Wait.

1878
01:15:52,130 --> 01:15:54,998
Wait. Um...

1879
01:15:55,000 --> 01:15:57,334
Ah, shit.

1880
01:15:57,336 --> 01:15:59,005
Shit.

1881
01:16:00,972 --> 01:16:03,205
Maybe Julie was right.

1882
01:16:03,207 --> 01:16:05,909
Like, maybe losing
your virginity

1883
01:16:05,911 --> 01:16:08,143
doesn't have to be perfect,
but...

1884
01:16:08,145 --> 01:16:09,946
I feel like it should
just be, like,

1885
01:16:09,948 --> 01:16:12,115
a little bit more special
than this, you know?

1886
01:16:12,117 --> 01:16:13,650
- Yeah.
- Like, not cheesy, but...

1887
01:16:13,652 --> 01:16:16,152
Like, if I was hard-pressed
right now,

1888
01:16:16,154 --> 01:16:18,988
I don't think I could remember
your last name.

1889
01:16:18,990 --> 01:16:19,990
- It's Aldrich.
- Aldrich.

1890
01:16:19,992 --> 01:16:22,058
I thought it was Ostrich.

1891
01:16:22,060 --> 01:16:24,326
I-I didn't realize
that you're a virgin.

1892
01:16:24,328 --> 01:16:26,495
- You know?
- Yeah.

1893
01:16:26,497 --> 01:16:30,333
Um, but, like,
I'd still be down to do it,

1894
01:16:30,335 --> 01:16:32,134
but maybe, like, you know,

1895
01:16:32,136 --> 01:16:34,204
when we get to know each other
a little more.

1896
01:16:34,206 --> 01:16:36,005
Like, maybe Monday
or something?

1897
01:16:36,007 --> 01:16:38,441
- Yeah.
- Not to, like, plan it and be weird, but, like...

1898
01:16:38,443 --> 01:16:40,242
No, no, I can look
at my schedule

1899
01:16:40,244 --> 01:16:41,911
- and see if it's...
- Okay.

1900
01:16:41,913 --> 01:16:43,345
Pencil it in.

1901
01:16:43,347 --> 01:16:45,348
Um, yeah, that's cool.

1902
01:16:45,350 --> 01:16:47,150
- Okay, cool.
- Um, let's just relax.

1903
01:16:47,152 --> 01:16:49,285
We could do, like, some
light journaling or something.

1904
01:16:49,287 --> 01:16:52,289
Yeah, yeah, we could...
we could do that.

1905
01:16:52,291 --> 01:16:57,259
Or we could do,
like, other stuff.

1906
01:16:57,261 --> 01:16:59,262
Yeah? Like what?

1907
01:16:59,264 --> 01:17:01,430
Like...

1908
01:17:01,432 --> 01:17:04,567
not sex, but...

1909
01:17:04,569 --> 01:17:08,338
I'm still down for pleasure.

1910
01:17:15,279 --> 01:17:17,280
You got this.

1911
01:17:17,282 --> 01:17:18,348
Hey, guys. What's up?

1912
01:17:18,350 --> 01:17:21,153
Anyone seen Sam?
Anyone seen Sam?

1913
01:17:26,190 --> 01:17:28,290
Chad!

1914
01:17:28,292 --> 01:17:29,291
Fuck.

1915
01:17:29,293 --> 01:17:30,930
Get out of the way.

1916
01:17:33,198 --> 01:17:34,697
Jesus!

1917
01:17:37,234 --> 01:17:38,668
What the f...?

1918
01:17:38,670 --> 01:17:40,135
You again?

1919
01:17:40,137 --> 01:17:41,470
- You!
- What the fuck?

1920
01:17:41,472 --> 01:17:43,106
What's your beef with me, dude?

1921
01:17:43,108 --> 01:17:44,340
I don't know
who the fuck you are!

1922
01:17:44,342 --> 01:17:46,343
I'm Jake motherfucking Donahue.

1923
01:17:46,345 --> 01:17:48,344
That name means nothing to me.

1924
01:17:48,346 --> 01:17:50,312
Do you know what it's like
to be humiliated

1925
01:17:50,314 --> 01:17:51,680
in front of everyone you know

1926
01:17:51,682 --> 01:17:53,586
and have to seek redemption
for that?

1927
01:17:54,720 --> 01:17:57,053
Actually, yes, I do.

1928
01:17:57,055 --> 01:18:00,190
Kayla? Kayla?

1929
01:18:00,192 --> 01:18:01,691
Kayla? Get the hell away

1930
01:18:01,693 --> 01:18:04,093
from my daughter,
you little piece of shit!

1931
01:18:04,095 --> 01:18:05,762
Dad, what the...?

1932
01:18:05,764 --> 01:18:07,330
Oh, my God!

1933
01:18:07,332 --> 01:18:09,098
You okay?
He didn't hurt you, did he?

1934
01:18:09,100 --> 01:18:10,567
What? No, he didn't hurt me.

1935
01:18:10,569 --> 01:18:12,602
Holy shit! Connor.

1936
01:18:12,604 --> 01:18:14,336
- Ow.
- Oh, my God, are you okay?

1937
01:18:14,338 --> 01:18:16,039
I'm actually totally fine.

1938
01:18:16,041 --> 01:18:17,440
Connor, I'm so sorry.

1939
01:18:17,442 --> 01:18:18,474
- Are you okay, though?
- Yeah, please...

1940
01:18:18,476 --> 01:18:19,675
Are you sure?

1941
01:18:19,677 --> 01:18:21,777
Dad, what the...
what are you doing here?

1942
01:18:21,779 --> 01:18:23,545
I've been following you around
all night.

1943
01:18:23,547 --> 01:18:25,315
Are you ser...? Oh, my God.

1944
01:18:25,317 --> 01:18:26,683
You've been following me?

1945
01:18:26,685 --> 01:18:28,384
- Are you crazy?
- You gave me no choice.

1946
01:18:28,386 --> 01:18:29,652
You're in over your head
with this kid.

1947
01:18:29,654 --> 01:18:31,120
I am not some pathetic

1948
01:18:31,122 --> 01:18:32,488
damsel in distress
that needs saving.

1949
01:18:32,490 --> 01:18:34,057
- I can handle myself.
- No, you can't.

1950
01:18:34,059 --> 01:18:35,491
- Yes, I can.
- No, you can't.

1951
01:18:35,493 --> 01:18:38,027
- Yes, I can.
- Kayla, you can't.

1952
01:18:38,029 --> 01:18:40,030
And that's why I'm here.

1953
01:18:40,032 --> 01:18:41,199
It's my job.

1954
01:18:42,801 --> 01:18:44,401
Oh.

1955
01:18:44,403 --> 01:18:46,702
Yeah, so you just don't think

1956
01:18:46,704 --> 01:18:50,373
I can make my own decisions
and handle myself.

1957
01:18:50,375 --> 01:18:52,610
That really fucking sucks.

1958
01:18:56,113 --> 01:18:58,714
Kayla...

1959
01:18:58,716 --> 01:19:01,651
Kayla, I'm just trying
to figure this thing out.

1960
01:19:01,653 --> 01:19:04,990
God. Why is sex even bad?

1961
01:19:09,461 --> 01:19:11,628
I-I don't know.
I don't know. It's...

1962
01:19:11,630 --> 01:19:13,562
It's not... You know, it's...

1963
01:19:13,564 --> 01:19:15,500
I don't know.

1964
01:19:16,667 --> 01:19:18,500
I'm...

1965
01:19:18,502 --> 01:19:21,638
I'm just trying to be
the best dad I can be.

1966
01:19:21,640 --> 01:19:24,206
Well, you are.

1967
01:19:24,208 --> 01:19:27,242
You taught me everything.

1968
01:19:27,244 --> 01:19:29,545
You built me up.

1969
01:19:29,547 --> 01:19:31,613
Made me strong.

1970
01:19:31,615 --> 01:19:34,317
You made me into who I am.

1971
01:19:34,319 --> 01:19:36,718
Like, that's...

1972
01:19:36,720 --> 01:19:40,490
You did not have
to save me tonight, Dad.

1973
01:19:40,492 --> 01:19:44,630
You taught me how to do that
a long time ago.

1974
01:19:45,729 --> 01:19:47,165
And I love you for it.

1975
01:19:49,568 --> 01:19:51,637
Best coach ever.

1976
01:19:56,507 --> 01:19:59,209
Thank you. Thank you.

1977
01:19:59,211 --> 01:20:02,178
Oh, Dad, come on.

1978
01:20:02,180 --> 01:20:03,716
Come on, toughen up.

1979
01:20:05,417 --> 01:20:07,317
It was just really nice
what you said.

1980
01:20:07,319 --> 01:20:09,251
It's good. It's good.

1981
01:20:09,253 --> 01:20:10,620
I mean it.

1982
01:20:10,622 --> 01:20:12,789
Thanks. I feel like...

1983
01:20:12,791 --> 01:20:16,593
like Phil Jackson when he
was coaching the Bulls,

1984
01:20:16,595 --> 01:20:20,429
and... and then the...
and they were so good.

1985
01:20:21,867 --> 01:20:24,166
- That's how I feel right now.
- Yeah.

1986
01:20:24,168 --> 01:20:27,137
I should have taken
my socks off first.

1987
01:20:28,873 --> 01:20:31,907
Now, I'm just warning you,
I've practiced a few times,

1988
01:20:31,909 --> 01:20:34,410
- but this might not go that well.
- That doesn't look right.

1989
01:20:34,412 --> 01:20:35,879
- Yeah, all right.
- I think you need another one.

1990
01:20:35,881 --> 01:20:38,214
- I think we need another one, too.
- Wait, wait.

1991
01:20:38,216 --> 01:20:39,781
We have to do our dance.

1992
01:20:39,783 --> 01:20:41,617
- We have to. Like, yeah, yeah.
- What, now?

1993
01:20:41,619 --> 01:20:43,686
- Naked?
- No, get me one of those, um...

1994
01:20:43,688 --> 01:20:45,455
the hotel robes.
I want to feel fabulous.

1995
01:20:45,457 --> 01:20:47,190
Okay.

1996
01:20:47,192 --> 01:20:48,527
Coming right up, milady.

1997
01:21:04,208 --> 01:21:07,277
We're gonna christen
every corner of this room.

1998
01:21:07,279 --> 01:21:10,312
And when we're done,
let's FaceTime my parents.

1999
01:21:10,314 --> 01:21:11,714
Okay, but right now,

2000
01:21:11,716 --> 01:21:13,883
I want you to stare
into my eyes.

2001
01:21:13,885 --> 01:21:15,485
- What?
- Mm-hmm.

2002
01:21:15,487 --> 01:21:17,920
I just want, like,
a real connection.

2003
01:21:17,922 --> 01:21:20,857
So you just want me
to look straight into your eyes

2004
01:21:20,859 --> 01:21:22,659
for the next three minutes
and 37 seconds?

2005
01:21:22,661 --> 01:21:23,759
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

2006
01:21:32,470 --> 01:21:33,769
Look at me.

2007
01:22:49,881 --> 01:22:51,513
- Dad?
- Where is he?

2008
01:22:51,515 --> 01:22:53,715
- What are you doing here?
- Chad?

2009
01:22:53,717 --> 01:22:55,518
Hey, Chad, you motherfucker.

2010
01:22:55,520 --> 01:22:57,754
Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

2011
01:22:57,756 --> 01:22:59,421
Did he make you do something
you don't want to do?

2012
01:22:59,423 --> 01:23:00,656
'Cause I don't care if he's

2013
01:23:00,658 --> 01:23:01,891
the fucking coolest kid
in school.

2014
01:23:01,893 --> 01:23:03,326
I'm gonna shove his fedora

2015
01:23:03,328 --> 01:23:05,827
so far up his ass,
it'll be a hat.

2016
01:23:05,829 --> 01:23:08,697
No, Dad, we didn't do it.

2017
01:23:08,699 --> 01:23:10,066
All right? And even if we did,

2018
01:23:10,068 --> 01:23:12,972
it would be <i>none</i>
of your business.

2019
01:23:15,840 --> 01:23:19,642
It's just,
I was worried about you.

2020
01:23:19,644 --> 01:23:20,878
Well, that's a first.

2021
01:23:22,346 --> 01:23:24,680
I deserve that.

2022
01:23:24,682 --> 01:23:25,947
Sam, I gotta tell you
something,

2023
01:23:25,949 --> 01:23:27,885
and I'm just gonna say it.

2024
01:23:36,461 --> 01:23:41,634
Sam, I have realized
over the last few years...

2025
01:23:43,368 --> 01:23:45,468
...that I have made
a big mistake in my life.

2026
01:23:45,470 --> 01:23:47,606
What, like cheating on my mom?

2027
01:23:48,773 --> 01:23:50,673
Well, no. Marrying your mom.

2028
01:23:50,675 --> 01:23:52,075
But no, that...
that wasn't a mistake,

2029
01:23:52,077 --> 01:23:54,376
because then I wouldn't
have had you.

2030
01:23:56,113 --> 01:24:01,683
I've made lots of mistakes,
but th-the big mistake...

2031
01:24:01,685 --> 01:24:07,456
is that I let what happened
between your mom and I

2032
01:24:07,458 --> 01:24:10,461
get in the way
of our relationship.

2033
01:24:14,064 --> 01:24:15,600
I'm sorry.

2034
01:24:17,135 --> 01:24:21,737
And I hope that we
can start over and...

2035
01:24:21,739 --> 01:24:25,441
build up our relationship again
because...

2036
01:24:25,443 --> 01:24:27,046
you're my only kid.

2037
01:24:28,813 --> 01:24:30,412
And I'm your only dad.

2038
01:24:30,414 --> 01:24:31,680
Well, Frank is...

2039
01:24:31,682 --> 01:24:32,949
Fuck Frank.

2040
01:24:36,720 --> 01:24:38,653
Frank's fine.

2041
01:24:38,655 --> 01:24:42,625
Dad, can I tell you
something now?

2042
01:24:42,627 --> 01:24:43,692
Yes.

2043
01:24:43,694 --> 01:24:45,061
Yes, yes, yes, anything.

2044
01:24:45,063 --> 01:24:47,032
I'm a lesbian.

2045
01:24:53,505 --> 01:24:55,039
Give me your hand.

2046
01:24:57,175 --> 01:24:58,708
What does your mom think?

2047
01:24:58,710 --> 01:24:59,778
She doesn't know.

2048
01:25:04,615 --> 01:25:06,682
You told me
before you told your mom?

2049
01:25:06,684 --> 01:25:09,050
- Yeah.
- That's big news.

2050
01:25:09,052 --> 01:25:11,420
She doesn't know?

2051
01:25:11,422 --> 01:25:13,488
- You didn't tell Frank?
- No.

2052
01:25:24,769 --> 01:25:26,835
Okay. Over.

2053
01:25:26,837 --> 01:25:28,905
Crying is over.

2054
01:25:28,907 --> 01:25:30,106
What do your girlfriends think?

2055
01:25:30,108 --> 01:25:31,941
No, I'm too nervous.
I can't tell them.

2056
01:25:31,943 --> 01:25:34,009
You're nervous
to tell Kayla and Julie?

2057
01:25:34,011 --> 01:25:37,580
It's just... I don't want
to lose my two best friends.

2058
01:25:37,582 --> 01:25:39,749
This is the stuff you tell
the people you care about.

2059
01:25:39,751 --> 01:25:42,652
You think they're not gonna
support you because you're gay?

2060
01:25:42,654 --> 01:25:45,888
They would support you
if you were a vampire.

2061
01:25:45,890 --> 01:25:47,924
They would support you more.

2062
01:25:47,926 --> 01:25:50,192
With all the <i>Twilight</i> shit.

2063
01:25:50,194 --> 01:25:52,861
- Do we still like <i>Twilight?</i>
- Definitely not.

2064
01:25:52,863 --> 01:25:54,930
No, no.

2065
01:25:54,932 --> 01:25:56,635
Oh, God.

2066
01:25:57,902 --> 01:25:59,936
Thanks for showing up.

2067
01:25:59,938 --> 01:26:01,036
Really.

2068
01:26:01,038 --> 01:26:03,973
But you should probably leave

2069
01:26:03,975 --> 01:26:06,776
because it's insane
that you even came here

2070
01:26:06,778 --> 01:26:09,044
in the first place.

2071
01:26:09,046 --> 01:26:10,979
I'd love to get
a picture with you.

2072
01:26:10,981 --> 01:26:12,647
Yeah.

2073
01:26:12,649 --> 01:26:14,683
Great. Okay.

2074
01:26:14,685 --> 01:26:16,251
Just gonna stand on this.

2075
01:26:16,253 --> 01:26:18,687
Yeah, you know...
you know the drill. Come on.

2076
01:26:18,689 --> 01:26:20,188
Come on. Here we go.

2077
01:26:20,190 --> 01:26:22,427
Gotta turn it around here.

2078
01:26:25,697 --> 01:26:27,530
Dad, you're not taking it.

2079
01:26:27,532 --> 01:26:28,801
It's...

2080
01:26:30,667 --> 01:26:33,134
What?

2081
01:26:33,136 --> 01:26:35,771
I'll remember this.

2082
01:26:35,773 --> 01:26:37,138
Come on.

2083
01:26:37,140 --> 01:26:38,907
Oh, my God.

2084
01:26:38,909 --> 01:26:40,643
What's up, dawg?

2085
01:26:40,645 --> 01:26:43,012
So, I just, uh...

2086
01:26:43,014 --> 01:26:45,548
parented the shit out of Sam.

2087
01:26:45,551 --> 01:26:47,215
And I feel, uh...

2088
01:26:47,217 --> 01:26:49,285
oh, God, like, uh...

2089
01:26:49,287 --> 01:26:51,187
pride, I think.

2090
01:26:51,189 --> 01:26:52,687
- That's it.
- It's new.

2091
01:26:52,689 --> 01:26:54,022
Good for you, man.

2092
01:26:54,024 --> 01:26:55,156
Thanks.

2093
01:26:55,158 --> 01:26:56,224
Well done, my friend.

2094
01:26:56,226 --> 01:26:57,660
- Thank you.
- Well done.

2095
01:26:57,662 --> 01:26:59,128
How'd it go with Kayla?

2096
01:26:59,130 --> 01:27:00,830
Put Connor through a wall.

2097
01:27:00,832 --> 01:27:02,598
Are you serious?

2098
01:27:02,600 --> 01:27:04,534
Yeah. He's okay.

2099
01:27:04,536 --> 01:27:05,968
Yeah, he's lighter
than I thought.

2100
01:27:07,137 --> 01:27:08,771
Hey.

2101
01:27:08,773 --> 01:27:09,938
Hi.

2102
01:27:09,940 --> 01:27:12,575
So, Julie's, um...

2103
01:27:12,577 --> 01:27:14,043
Julie's having sex right now.

2104
01:27:14,045 --> 01:27:16,579
- Okay. And sit down.
- Wowie.

2105
01:27:16,581 --> 01:27:17,946
Yeah.

2106
01:27:17,948 --> 01:27:19,848
But it's good.
It's fine, right?

2107
01:27:19,850 --> 01:27:21,750
I mean, you have to do that
eventually.

2108
01:27:21,752 --> 01:27:22,919
Right?

2109
01:27:22,921 --> 01:27:24,586
- Are you good?
- Yeah.

2110
01:27:24,588 --> 01:27:27,123
They seem like they really like
each other, and that's nice.

2111
01:27:27,125 --> 01:27:30,726
That's a good thing, but it's
just a little, you know, scary,

2112
01:27:30,728 --> 01:27:33,629
because what if he doesn't know
how to do it right?

2113
01:27:33,631 --> 01:27:36,132
You know, like, what if he
doesn't know where to put it?

2114
01:27:36,134 --> 01:27:37,933
But he knows, right?
Should I go back up there?

2115
01:27:37,935 --> 01:27:39,835
- No. No, no, no, no.
- No, no, he'll figure it out.

2116
01:27:39,837 --> 01:27:41,003
- No, no.
- It's one or the other.

2117
01:27:41,005 --> 01:27:43,039
Nope. You stay right here.

2118
01:27:43,041 --> 01:27:45,577
Do you want to have
a drink right now?

2119
01:27:46,810 --> 01:27:48,643
You mean, like, hang out?

2120
01:27:48,645 --> 01:27:49,644
Yeah.

2121
01:27:49,646 --> 01:27:52,013
Yes, I do.

2122
01:27:52,015 --> 01:27:53,883
I'm in. I'm definitely in.

2123
01:27:53,885 --> 01:27:56,751
Um, we will be having
some shots of alcohol, please.

2124
01:27:56,753 --> 01:27:57,852
Yes, we will.

2125
01:27:57,854 --> 01:27:58,888
This is crazy.

2126
01:28:00,291 --> 01:28:01,924
- This is...
- Well, I'm going to, uh...

2127
01:28:01,926 --> 01:28:05,794
let you guys have your fun,
and I will, uh...

2128
01:28:05,796 --> 01:28:07,932
I-I will see you guys around.

2129
01:28:12,869 --> 01:28:14,605
Hey!

2130
01:28:16,006 --> 01:28:17,643
You, too.

2131
01:28:19,109 --> 01:28:20,843
Yeah.

2132
01:28:20,845 --> 01:28:22,344
Right.

2133
01:28:22,346 --> 01:28:24,146
Fuck yeah.

2134
01:28:24,148 --> 01:28:26,115
Piña colada.

2135
01:28:26,117 --> 01:28:27,686
Just get him a shot.

2136
01:28:28,752 --> 01:28:30,285
Cheers.

2137
01:28:30,287 --> 01:28:31,720
What a night, guys.

2138
01:28:31,722 --> 01:28:33,190
That's beautiful.

2139
01:28:35,893 --> 01:28:38,960
So, I don't think the kid
at the lake house

2140
01:28:38,962 --> 01:28:40,662
was actually butt-chugging.

2141
01:28:40,664 --> 01:28:41,897
- Definitely.
- Yeah.

2142
01:28:41,899 --> 01:28:43,232
- What?
- Yep. - Yeah.

2143
01:28:43,234 --> 01:28:45,867
And so he threw me
through a table, uh...

2144
01:28:45,869 --> 01:28:47,169
- I'm so sorry.
- No, it was cool.

2145
01:28:47,171 --> 01:28:49,170
I, like... I kind of feel fine.

2146
01:28:49,172 --> 01:28:51,107
- All right, see you.
- It's cool. - See you.

2147
01:28:51,109 --> 01:28:52,308
Hey, guys.

2148
01:28:52,310 --> 01:28:53,675
Austin, uh, let's go

2149
01:28:53,677 --> 01:28:54,809
- get a drink, man.
- Yeah, sure.

2150
01:28:54,811 --> 01:28:56,012
Want a fry?

2151
01:28:56,014 --> 01:28:58,016
So badly.

2152
01:28:59,684 --> 01:29:01,384
Can I have a fry, too?

2153
01:29:01,386 --> 01:29:03,285
- Yeah.
- Yes.

2154
01:29:04,322 --> 01:29:05,787
So...

2155
01:29:05,789 --> 01:29:08,290
I... I couldn't
go through with it.

2156
01:29:08,292 --> 01:29:11,296
Yes, I didn't. No.

2157
01:29:15,198 --> 01:29:16,699
Holy shit.

2158
01:29:16,701 --> 01:29:18,233
You're a woman amongst girls.

2159
01:29:18,235 --> 01:29:19,968
- Julie. - Yeah.
- Congratu-fuck-ulations.

2160
01:29:19,970 --> 01:29:22,271
- Thank you. Thank you.
- How was it?

2161
01:29:22,273 --> 01:29:23,738
Honestly,
it was a little painful,

2162
01:29:23,740 --> 01:29:26,008
kind of fast
and kind of awkward,

2163
01:29:26,010 --> 01:29:27,442
but absolutely perfect.

2164
01:29:27,444 --> 01:29:28,910
Aw!

2165
01:29:29,913 --> 01:29:31,680
You guys, so much...

2166
01:29:31,682 --> 01:29:33,281
so much went down tonight.

2167
01:29:33,283 --> 01:29:34,282
I know.

2168
01:29:34,284 --> 01:29:36,384
Including Connor.

2169
01:29:36,386 --> 01:29:38,387
- No.
- Let's just say...

2170
01:29:38,389 --> 01:29:40,723
The Chef went out to eat...

2171
01:29:40,725 --> 01:29:42,191
my pussy.

2172
01:29:43,427 --> 01:29:44,860
It was good.

2173
01:29:44,862 --> 01:29:46,294
Ba-ba-ba!

2174
01:29:46,296 --> 01:29:48,296
- DJ Chad.
- Is that Chad?

2175
01:29:48,298 --> 01:29:51,000
- That's Chad. Chad!
- That's Chad.

2176
01:29:51,002 --> 01:29:52,735
Yes, Chad!

2177
01:29:52,737 --> 01:29:54,736
Holy shit. Fuck yeah, Chad!

2178
01:30:09,052 --> 01:30:11,253
Guys, I got to tell you
something.

2179
01:30:11,255 --> 01:30:13,121
Okay, okay.

2180
01:30:16,127 --> 01:30:17,492
Really?

2181
01:30:17,494 --> 01:30:18,827
- Yeah.
- Wait, you are?

2182
01:30:18,829 --> 01:30:20,495
Yeah.

2183
01:30:20,497 --> 01:30:22,130
I love you.

2184
01:30:22,132 --> 01:30:23,766
Forever.

2185
01:30:23,768 --> 01:30:25,366
And you, too.

2186
01:30:25,368 --> 01:30:27,369
Oh, my God!

2187
01:30:27,371 --> 01:30:29,237
- I love you. Hold on.
- Sam, come here, you.

2188
01:30:29,239 --> 01:30:30,772
Excuse me.

2189
01:30:30,774 --> 01:30:32,241
I can't believe
you didn't tell us.

2190
01:30:32,243 --> 01:30:33,476
Yay!

2191
01:30:37,381 --> 01:30:38,813
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

2192
01:30:38,815 --> 01:30:40,215
- Hey.
- Hi.

2193
01:30:40,217 --> 01:30:42,117
Oh.

2194
01:30:42,119 --> 01:30:44,989
Uh, Julie, I think we got
something over here.

2195
01:30:46,791 --> 01:30:48,193
Dope cape.

2196
01:30:51,295 --> 01:30:53,294
And I'm not...

2197
01:30:53,296 --> 01:30:54,932
misreading things.

2198
01:31:19,823 --> 01:31:22,223
So you'll call me every day
till you get to L.A., right?

2199
01:31:22,225 --> 01:31:23,826
Yeah, and then, like,
every day after that.

2200
01:31:23,828 --> 01:31:24,960
Okay.

2201
01:31:24,962 --> 01:31:26,195
I'm gonna miss you so much.

2202
01:31:26,197 --> 01:31:28,097
You're gonna be okay, though.

2203
01:31:28,099 --> 01:31:29,430
Are you gonna be okay?

2204
01:31:29,432 --> 01:31:30,866
Yeah, I'm fine.

2205
01:31:30,868 --> 01:31:33,001
It's the weirdest thing
because...

2206
01:31:33,003 --> 01:31:37,973
I have been worried
about this day for 18 years,

2207
01:31:37,975 --> 01:31:41,442
and then I wake up
this morning, and...

2208
01:31:41,444 --> 01:31:43,379
nothing.

2209
01:31:43,381 --> 01:31:45,147
Like, I don't feel
emotional at all.

2210
01:31:45,149 --> 01:31:47,348
I just feel, like...

2211
01:31:47,350 --> 01:31:49,285
- It's so bizarre.
- Mm-hmm.

2212
01:31:49,287 --> 01:31:50,885
What is that?

2213
01:31:50,887 --> 01:31:52,153
It's, like, splashing on me.

2214
01:31:52,155 --> 01:31:53,955
I know.
Isn't that so strange?

2215
01:31:53,957 --> 01:31:55,092
Yeah.

2216
01:31:57,194 --> 01:31:58,529
I love you, Mom.

2217
01:31:59,831 --> 01:32:01,132
I love you.

2218
01:32:03,266 --> 01:32:04,599
No, I have money. I...

2219
01:32:04,601 --> 01:32:06,367
Lisa, tell him
I can afford br...

2220
01:32:06,369 --> 01:32:09,138
Hmm. Sorry. Sorry.

2221
01:32:09,140 --> 01:32:11,173
All right, come on.

2222
01:32:11,175 --> 01:32:13,041
Let's get this road trip
started!

2223
01:32:13,043 --> 01:32:14,476
- We're waiting for you!
- I love you.

2224
01:32:14,478 --> 01:32:16,579
- Bye.
- Okay.

2225
01:32:16,581 --> 01:32:18,784
Oh, hold on.
Let me take a video.

2226
01:32:29,226 --> 01:32:31,460
- I love you.
- I love you.

2227
01:32:31,462 --> 01:32:33,161
Bye, Mom.

2228
01:32:33,163 --> 01:32:34,562
- I love you.
- Okay, bye.

2229
01:32:34,564 --> 01:32:36,130
- Mwah!
- See you.

2230
01:32:36,132 --> 01:32:38,032
Drop Julie off in Cali,
and then you and Kayla

2231
01:32:38,034 --> 01:32:39,401
- come right back home.
- That's a, a big maybe.

2232
01:32:39,403 --> 01:32:40,969
- And text, please. Please.
- Hey.

2233
01:32:40,971 --> 01:32:42,437
Take care of my mom,
you two, okay?

2234
01:32:42,439 --> 01:32:44,173
- We will. All right.
- Later, big guy.

2235
01:32:44,175 --> 01:32:46,075
- Bye, Dad.
- I'm going to college! - Bye!

2236
01:32:46,077 --> 01:32:47,610
Drive careful, young
man. That's precious cargo.

2237
01:32:47,612 --> 01:32:49,372
Love you!

2238
01:32:50,448 --> 01:32:52,180
- Aw.
- Come on.

2239
01:32:52,182 --> 01:32:53,548
- Guys. - Come on.
- We did it.

2240
01:32:53,551 --> 01:32:55,884
We did it. We did it.

2241
01:32:55,886 --> 01:32:57,085
We parented.

2242
01:32:57,087 --> 01:32:58,920
- We did it.
- We did it.

2243
01:33:00,390 --> 01:33:03,659
Oh, it's Julie.

2244
01:33:03,661 --> 01:33:06,160
Oh, I must have been
accidentally added to the...

2245
01:33:06,162 --> 01:33:07,897
the group conversation.

2246
01:33:07,899 --> 01:33:09,665
- Oh, well, should probably leave.
- What's, uh...

2247
01:33:09,667 --> 01:33:11,433
"Can't-can't believe
we're on our own now."

2248
01:33:11,435 --> 01:33:12,601
Aw, that's sweet.
- Yeah.

2249
01:33:12,603 --> 01:33:14,436
"We're gonna get lit af."

2250
01:33:14,438 --> 01:33:16,138
"Lit A.F."

2251
01:33:16,140 --> 01:33:18,107
That's not great.

2252
01:33:18,109 --> 01:33:19,942
No, it's... they're gonna get
literature. African literature.

2253
01:33:19,944 --> 01:33:21,576
You think that's
what "lit A.F." means?

2254
01:33:21,578 --> 01:33:23,344
You think they're talking
to each other about, like...

2255
01:33:23,346 --> 01:33:25,080
- "Lit A.F."
- "Can The Chef get us..."

2256
01:33:25,082 --> 01:33:26,281
Trees? What the hell's trees?

2257
01:33:26,283 --> 01:33:28,017
Trees mean weed.
I told you that.

2258
01:33:28,019 --> 01:33:29,652
- Mushrooms, pills.
- No, the pills are...

2259
01:33:29,654 --> 01:33:31,019
Kayla's allergy.
That's Claritin.

2260
01:33:31,021 --> 01:33:32,086
It's not Claritin. Look.

2261
01:33:32,088 --> 01:33:33,254
Snowflakes. That's blow.

2262
01:33:33,256 --> 01:33:34,990
"#NoParentsNoRules.

2263
01:33:34,992 --> 01:33:38,527
# MadDrugs.
# NoCondoms."

2264
01:33:38,529 --> 01:33:40,228
Why would they hashtag that?

2265
01:33:40,230 --> 01:33:42,330
Wait, I'm sorry. Is that
a needle and an eggplant?

2266
01:33:42,332 --> 01:33:45,634
What, are they gonna inject
heroin into some guy's dick?

2267
01:33:45,636 --> 01:33:46,968
- Let's go.
- Let's get in the car.

2268
01:33:46,970 --> 01:33:48,103
- I'll drive.
- I'm sitting behind you.

2269
01:33:48,105 --> 01:33:50,138
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

2270
01:33:50,140 --> 01:33:51,240
We're just messing with you.

2271
01:33:51,242 --> 01:33:52,242
Ha-ha!

2272
01:33:53,543 --> 01:33:55,544
"We love you guys.
Don't worry."

2273
01:33:57,047 --> 01:34:00,115
You guys were so pranked!
I was in on it.

2274
01:34:00,117 --> 01:34:01,983
- You didn't know.
- No, no, I did. I didn't know it was

2275
01:34:01,985 --> 01:34:03,518
coming right now. That's why
I kind of sold it so well.

2276
01:34:03,520 --> 01:34:04,719
But it doesn't matter.

2277
01:34:04,721 --> 01:34:07,255
But you guys were like,
"Holy shit!"

2278
01:34:07,257 --> 01:34:08,589
- Yeah.
- Whew.

2279
01:34:26,409 --> 01:34:28,177
Damn it, Mitchell.

2280
01:34:28,179 --> 01:34:29,581
Marco.

2281
01:34:30,981 --> 01:34:32,046
Polo.

2282
01:34:32,048 --> 01:34:33,682
I...

2283
01:34:33,684 --> 01:34:35,619
Mitchell,
are you getting a snack?

2284
01:34:37,520 --> 01:34:39,420
I'm so glad we can
do stuff like this

2285
01:34:39,422 --> 01:34:40,688
now that Kayla's in college.

2286
01:34:40,690 --> 01:34:43,224
I have no idea where you are.

2287
01:34:43,226 --> 01:34:45,626
I'm gonna do so much stuff
to you when I find you.

2288
01:34:45,628 --> 01:34:47,562
- Oh, oh.
- Marco.

2289
01:34:47,564 --> 01:34:49,031
- Polo.
- Ah, ah.

2290
01:34:49,033 --> 01:34:50,299
Polo!

2291
01:34:50,301 --> 01:34:51,666
I can't believe you!
It took forever!

2292
01:34:51,668 --> 01:34:53,568
I spent so much time
on the stairs.

2293
01:34:53,570 --> 01:34:55,269
- We're doing this.
- We're, like, totally doing it.

2294
01:34:55,271 --> 01:34:56,772
- I know. It's hot.
- Let's just get crazy.

2295
01:34:56,774 --> 01:34:57,772
I don't know.

2296
01:34:57,774 --> 01:34:59,308
I want you to grab my balls,

2297
01:34:59,310 --> 01:35:01,043
like Ron likes it,
like, uh... like, hard.

2298
01:36:39,312 --> 01:36:40,675
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