1
00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,082
Thorny.

2
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,758
You call this a report card?

3
00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:36,428
What kind of marks is this?

4
00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:39,181
How you gonna go to college?

5
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:42,184
I don't wanna go.
I wanna work with you.

6
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,103
You wanna work with me?

7
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:48,732
Listen to me.
I say this once and I say it again.

8
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,568
However rich or successful a man is,

9
00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:54,530
if he don't got an education,
he's got nothing.

10
00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:57,574
- I tried, Pop. I can't do it.
- Then try harder.

11
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,833
You can do anything in life
you wanna do.

12
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:10,712
Remember. You're a Meloni.

13
00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:25,347
Hi. Are you a large person? Pleasantly
plump? A little on the hefty side?

14
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,766
Or, let's face it, are you fat?

15
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:31,895
When you go jogging,
do you leave potholes?

16
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,273
At the zoo, do elephants
throw you peanuts?

17
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,608
Do you look at a menu and say "OK!"?

18
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:42,114
Well, eat all you want because Melon's
Tall & Fat stores have got you covered.

19
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:46,285
Fine woolen and woolen-blend suits
and sport coats in all the larger sizes.

20
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:50,122
Husky, stout, extra stout.
And the new Hindenburg line.

21
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,666
And for you ladies
we have caftans

22
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,627
and our own exclusive A-frame
in all colors and patterns.

23
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:58,547
We have miles and miles of fabric.

24
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,550
Take it from me, Thornton Melon,
to look thin,

25
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,969
you hang out with fat people.

26
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,723
Thornton Melon's Tall & Fat.
150 locations across America.

27
00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:11,435
- Lou, you seen the new spot?
- I seen it.

28
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:14,479
- Do I look fat in it?
- You could lose a couple of pounds.

29
00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:17,816
I need bigger actors.

30
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:23,739
How are you?
Ophelia, hold some of my calls.

31
00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:25,240
Yes, sir, Mr. Melon.

32
00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:32,247
- Morning, everyone.
- Morning.

33
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:36,168
Take it easy, will you?
Don't get any on the walls.

34
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:39,588
OK, folks, what's up?

35
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,090
Mr. Melon, we have
a serious offer on your

36
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,760
commercial property in South Florida.

37
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:48,263
- We feel you should sell.
- Hold it for one more year.

38
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:52,100
Take the depreciation then transfer
title to the California Corporation.

39
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:54,519
Show it as a capital gain.
We should do great.

40
00:05:57,273 --> 00:05:58,273
What else?

41
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:03,403
The toy division has a new doll idea
to go with our children's clothing.

42
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:06,531
We call them Melon Patch Kids.

43
00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:11,536
Now the competition exploits the notion
that their dolls are orphans.

44
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:14,664
The Melon Patch Kids are not orphans.

45
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,792
They're abandoned.

46
00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:19,628
- We think it's a winner.
- Go with it.

47
00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,172
Keep the cost under five bucks.

48
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:25,342
We took a bath
on those Chubby Tubby Tub Toys.

49
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:30,222
- Jason's on the phone.
- Jason! OK, everybody, take a break.

50
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:34,684
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Melon,
but we have a very long agenda.

51
00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:37,646
- Later. My son's on the phone.
- But Mr. Melon...

52
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,648
Beat it.

53
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,654
Jason, how you doing?
How's the diving going?

54
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,448
It's great.
We just finished our practice.

55
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:52,661
Keep it up. And the fraternity?
I'll bet you're having fun.

56
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,789
What do you think?
Yeah, it's great.

57
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:59,292
Good, that's great.
Hey, you're not doing too much?

58
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:02,504
- You're studying?
- Right now we're between semesters.

59
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,339
So classes don't start
for another week.

60
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:05,549
No classes?

61
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:09,845
Then come home. Your mother and I
are having a fifth anniversary party.

62
00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:13,515
Whoa, Dad.
She's not my mother, she's your wife.

63
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:16,476
And she doesn't want me around.

64
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,895
OK, let's not start that again.

65
00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:23,316
- I'll come up there to see you.
- No. Bad, bad idea.

66
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:26,403
I got this big dive meet.
I gotta practice.

67
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,655
I wouldn't have time to see you.

68
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,699
OK, I understand.

69
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:35,078
Look, I promise I'll come down and visit
next break I get, all right?

70
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:39,499
- I gotta go, OK?
- OK, Jason. Take care of yourself.

71
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:43,378
- I love you.
- I love you too. All right. Bye-bye.

72
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:46,006
Melon, I told you to clean my locker.

73
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,925
If it's too much,
we'll get a new towel boy.

74
00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:52,762
I'm sorry, Chas. I'll get onto it, OK?

75
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,239
Home, sweet home.

76
00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:14,326
- I liked the old house better.
- So did I.

77
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,244
I liked the old wife better too.

78
00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:18,914
Lay off Vanessa.
She gives great headache.

79
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:22,751
Lou, I can't believe it. Married
five years. Seems like yesterday.

80
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:25,337
You know how lousy yesterday was.

81
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:33,178
Please don't throw your clothes
on the Breuer chair.

82
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,014
How come all our furniture has names?

83
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,391
I have absolutely nothing to wear.

84
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,769
You got six closets full of
nothing to wear.

85
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:45,482
- Are you saying I spend too much money?
- You, too much money? No.

86
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,443
Lots of people go to Switzerland
to get their watch fixed.

87
00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:52,489
You have no taste, Thornton.

88
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,115
Right. I married you.

89
00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,910
No time to argue.
Our friends will be here soon.

90
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,286
Your friends.

91
00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:01,164
They are my friends
and I'd like to keep them.

92
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,124
So behave yourself.

93
00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:05,752
If the roast beef is right,
they'll be back.

94
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,802
- Jennifer, you look divine.
- Thank you.

95
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:18,765
And Peter! I thought you were still
in Portofino. Why haven't you called?

96
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:22,018
- She's a lovely girl.
- Oh, yes, she is.

97
00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:27,023
Ramon, you look fantastic.
I thought you were still in Tijuana.

98
00:09:27,191 --> 00:09:31,653
- Excuse me, señor?
- Nothing, sorry. Give me a beer.

99
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:35,740
I'm sorry, señor.
All we have is martinis and Champagne.

100
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,909
My own house, I can't get a beer.

101
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:41,371
Mrs. Melon gave strict orders.
No cerveza.

102
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,999
It's all right. I'll get it myself.

103
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,590
- Ancora!
- Ti voglio!

104
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,350
Hey! Adam and Evil.

105
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,646
Hey... Mr. Melon.

106
00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:08,815
We were just

107
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,693
looking for some cocktail napkins.

108
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,653
Where, under her dress?

109
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,865
- You're impossible.
- And you're easy.

110
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,204
I love Klimt. Don't you?

111
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:26,458
Mr. Melon!
Your wife was showing us her Klimt.

112
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,252
You too, huh?
She's shown it to everybody.

113
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,837
She's very proud of it.

114
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:33,673
I'm proud of mine
but don't wave it about.

115
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:37,385
- It's an exceptional painting.
- Oh, the painting. Uh, yeah.

116
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,179
Drink up. Enjoy yourselves.

117
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,645
I hate small food, you know?

118
00:11:03,537 --> 00:11:05,246
What's he doing?

119
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:14,839
Waiter, come here, will you?
Put your hand there.

120
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:16,758
I learned this in Europe.

121
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:26,059
Look at that. Coming through. Hot stuff.

122
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,480
Thornton, meet
Mr. And Mrs. Stuyvesant.

123
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:31,606
Oh, right.

124
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,942
- How do you do?
- Thornton...

125
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,946
How are you doing?

126
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,159
- Hi there, sir. How are you?
- Not too bad, thank you.

127
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:47,747
No, I got my own. It's all right.

128
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:53,962
Millicent, you look charming.
I love your dress.

129
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:57,048
Don't you, Thornton?
It's such a lovely shade of green.

130
00:11:57,216 --> 00:12:00,468
Yeah, if that dress had pockets,
you'd look like a pool table.

131
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,888
You should try my Tall & Fat stores.
No offence.

132
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:09,477
May I speak to you privately, please?

133
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,900
Watch my sandwich, will you?

134
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:22,824
I can't take any more. You've insulted
our friends, you've insulted... me.

135
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:27,328
- You're set on ruining this party.
- Party? It's a dog show out there.

136
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:32,125
Your friends come for free booze
and to suck up to you for donations.

137
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:35,503
You have no class, Thornton,
and I'm tired of it.

138
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:39,340
- I want a divorce.
- I knew we had something in common.

139
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:41,843
Here. Sign these.

140
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:46,306
Oh! Oh, I'm afraid
it's not gonna be that easy, honey.

141
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,850
This is gonna cost you. Plenty.

142
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:53,730
Oh, yeah? Vanessa,
let's talk about class.

143
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:57,859
Here's you and Giorgio
in the guest room.

144
00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:01,154
You and Giorgio in the rumpus room.
Another classy one.

145
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:05,533
This one, I can't figure out. There's
you, Giorgio, what's with the midget?

146
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,119
That one... Hey, wait! I got more.

147
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:25,553
- What happened?
- What happened? I got rid of Vanessa.

148
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:27,764
I feel like I got paroled.

149
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:32,268
I'll tell you what bothers me.
I let her come between me and Jason.

150
00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:35,730
Lou, pack our bags.

151
00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:42,821
We're going to that college,
to see my son.

152
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,920
♪ It's your life
and I'm not gonna live it

153
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,923
♪ A change is coming and it's overdue

154
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:05,093
♪ I'm gonna take you over the limit

155
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,428
♪ You know I'm only
looking out for you

156
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:12,684
♪ I get lucky, I get lucky

157
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:19,274
♪ And I'll see you get lucky too...

158
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,861
Boy, will Jason be surprised!

159
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:25,864
There's Greek letters.
That must be the house.

160
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:31,953
♪ Hold on baby,
I'm taking you back to school

161
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:35,456
♪ When logic has gone,
don't lose your head

162
00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:38,376
♪ You just turn to me instead

163
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:43,965
♪ Hold on, baby,
now here we go back to school

164
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,758
♪ Here we go ♪

165
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:49,429
- Is that an omega or a unicorn?
- Don't you know any Greek?

166
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:53,141
The only Greek I know
owns a coffee shop, Jimmy.

167
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:56,769
He had an ugly wife,
four ugly kids and good coffee.

168
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,647
Wait here. I'll try this one.

169
00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:13,703
Hello! Hello!

170
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,167
Anybody here?

171
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,795
Jason, where are you?

172
00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:24,756
Hey, I need some help here!

173
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:28,635
Hey, buddy, I'm talking to you.

174
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,346
Take it easy, honey,
I didn't see a thing.

175
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,514
You're perfect.

176
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,020
Perfectly understandable, Mr. Melon.
It was an honest mistake.

177
00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:42,273
- Let's call it a bad day.
- But a great view.

178
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:46,235
You're all right, officer.
Here, a little something for the kids.

179
00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:50,531
- I don't have any kids.
- Here, get yourself some. Take it all.

180
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:54,452
Just remember,
the best thing about kids is making 'em.

181
00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:59,415
Even if I do manage to graduate,
what then?

182
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:03,044
There's the private sector,
but look how bad the job market is.

183
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,713
- There's Valerie Desmond.
- See you guys.

184
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:11,636
Look how tight her ass is today.

185
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:16,557
Man, do you think there's any way
she would ever go out with me?

186
00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:19,894
- Hmmmm... No.
- Oh, thanks.

187
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,230
It's this whole stupid
capitalist system.

188
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:25,525
It's set up to reward
the advantaged and the aggressive

189
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:28,152
and make sure two regular schmos
like you and me

190
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,446
never get to date girls
like Valerie.

191
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:34,951
I hate the whole bourgeois mentality
of this school.

192
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:39,455
Do you make this bullshit up as you go
or do you read it?

193
00:16:39,623 --> 00:16:43,751
No, I read this. It's Karl Marx's
famous Proletarian Chicks In Bondage,

194
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:46,254
a Condom House book with a leather hood.

195
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,923
- With pictures? Can I borrow it?
- Let's move on.

196
00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:54,387
- Right up.
- Yeah, well, you know...

197
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,431
Aah!

198
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,559
Dad, uh, what are you doing here?

199
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:02,061
I'm robbing your room, that's what.

200
00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:06,899
We drive 300 miles to see him,
that's the greeting we get. Come here!

201
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:14,323
Hey, I'm sorry. I'm glad to see you
but I wish I'd known you were coming.

202
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:18,453
I'll bet. The fraternity house said
you weren't a member.

203
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:21,622
- I can explain.
- And you're not on the diving team.

204
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,459
- You're the towel boy.
- I can explain that.

205
00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,919
- OK, explain it.
- I lied.

206
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:30,214
Great, that explains it.
You don't lie to me.

207
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:31,758
You lie to girls.

208
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,635
Who's this?

209
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:37,472
Sorry, this is my roommate, Derek Lutz.

210
00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:40,433
This is the dad and this is Lou.

211
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,643
- That your real hair?
- What do you think?

212
00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:45,813
I think you're trying to
get back at your parents.

213
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,982
Show me the campus.
I wanna talk to you.

214
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,442
Oh, good.

215
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,951
Boy, what a great-looking place.

216
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,413
When I dreamed of going to college,
this is how I pictured it.

217
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,499
When did you dream of going to college?

218
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:06,834
When I used to fall asleep
in high school.

219
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:12,090
I know how much this means to you.
Sorry I lied.

220
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:15,802
You don't have to lie.
I'll love you just the same.

221
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:18,429
- You'll love me no matter what?
- No matter what.

222
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:21,516
- I'm dropping out.
- You're dropping out?

223
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:24,060
You just got here. You just started.

224
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:29,107
But I don't fit in. I got one friend,
Derek. He's got no friends.

225
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:32,693
The girls don't like me,
the fraternities don't want me,

226
00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:34,403
the diving coach won't talk to me.

227
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:38,241
At least you're getting an education.

228
00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:41,035
Last semester I got nothing but Cs.

229
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:44,330
A, B, C... in the top three.
Nothing to worry about.

230
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:47,917
I think I'd be better off getting a job.

231
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,211
You never went to college.
You're doing great.

232
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:53,005
I said it before and I'll say it again.

233
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:56,926
However rich or successful a man is,
without an education, he's nothing.

234
00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:01,055
Stay in school, study harder.
You can be whatever you want.

235
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,724
You wanna be a loser, be a loser.

236
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:08,896
Jason, it's up to you. You can do it.
Remember, you're a Melon.

237
00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:13,234
That's easy for you to say.
You don't have to do it.

238
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:17,947
OK, I'll do it with you.

239
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:23,077
- What do you mean?
- I mean just what I said.

240
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,580
I'm going to college.
What do you think?

241
00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:27,582
I think you're nuts.

242
00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:31,544
Nuts? Who made the rules?
I'm going to college.

243
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,467
Let me get this straight, Mr. Melon.

244
00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:41,929
You wish to enter this esteemed

245
00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:44,974
Grand Lakes University of ours
as a freshman?

246
00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,475
That's right, Dean Martin.

247
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:51,022
- Are you comfortable?
- Oh, I'm fine, yes.

248
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,149
Oh, the chair. Oh, I'm sorry.

249
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,238
This is an awkward moment
for me, Mr. Melon,

250
00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:01,449
since I realize you're
a highly respected member

251
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,618
of our business community.

252
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:05,870
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

253
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:09,624
Our student body
here is hand-picked by me

254
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:14,045
from the crème de la crème of students
all across this great land.

255
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:17,256
- That's one of the things I like here.
- Yes.

256
00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:20,218
Since you have no high school diploma,

257
00:20:20,385 --> 00:20:23,638
and no transcripts of any kind,
no SAT scores,

258
00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:27,516
and you're 30 to 40 years older
than our average freshman,

259
00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:32,813
how can this university see its way
clear to accept you as a student?

260
00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:38,319
As Coolidge said,
"The business of America is business."

261
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:42,156
And the business of an educational
institution such as ours

262
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:44,492
is to create young minds that understand

263
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:49,247
that the business of America is the kind
of business that it actually is.

264
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:53,417
So whatever it is that
I have said here today...

265
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:57,880
The point is that we are here to honor

266
00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:00,925
our most generous benefactor,

267
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,719
and newest freshman,

268
00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:08,599
the man who's made it possible for us
to break ground here today,

269
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:10,977
Mr. Thornton Melon.

270
00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:18,818
Dean Martin, great speech.
Nothing like good, clean business, huh?

271
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,112
And a little monkey business!

272
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:25,408
Ah, Philip!
I'm so glad you could make it.

273
00:21:25,575 --> 00:21:30,746
Mr. Melon, I'd like you to meet
Dr. Philip Barbay,

274
00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:35,209
I want it on record
that I'm totally against this.

275
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:39,463
I don't think that selling admission
to an unqualified student

276
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:42,133
is very ethical or honorable.

277
00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:47,930
Oh, right, Phil, but I'd just like to
say in all fairness to Mr. Melon,

278
00:21:48,098 --> 00:21:50,224
it was a really big check.

279
00:21:51,226 --> 00:21:53,185
It's a simple matter of this man

280
00:21:53,353 --> 00:21:56,147
undermining the efforts
of our legitimate students,

281
00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:59,608
- who are here as a result of hard work.
- Hard work?

282
00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:03,195
Listen, Sherlock, while you were tucked
away working on your ethics,

283
00:22:03,363 --> 00:22:06,240
I was busting my hump in the real world.

284
00:22:06,408 --> 00:22:10,786
Guys like you got a place to teach
'cause guys like me donate buildings.

285
00:22:11,246 --> 00:22:13,956
I wasn't speaking to you, Mr. Melon.

286
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:26,093
I don't think Dr. Barbay understands
the actual amounts involved here.

287
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:30,056
Mr. Melon,
will you take the ceremonial shovel?

288
00:22:30,223 --> 00:22:34,101
- Thank you.
- And dig into the symbolic verge.

289
00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:39,607
I hereby dedicate
this building to...

290
00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:42,777
...myself!

291
00:22:53,997 --> 00:22:57,958
Dad, it's like we talked about.
Sign up for whatever interests you.

292
00:22:58,126 --> 00:23:00,669
We got to get in the astronomy line
before it closes.

293
00:23:00,837 --> 00:23:03,672
Hi!

294
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,926
Look at this.
This is worse than the track.

295
00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:11,472
- Want me to move some people?
- No, this is college.

296
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,558
- Let me think.
- What are you gonna do?

297
00:23:14,726 --> 00:23:16,560
Come on, I got an idea.

298
00:23:17,145 --> 00:23:20,648
- Did you get everything?
- I got the Latin, and the Sanskrit.

299
00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:23,818
But they cancelled Ancient Greek,
blew my dead languages motif.

300
00:23:23,985 --> 00:23:25,486
What are you looking at?

301
00:23:28,156 --> 00:23:29,782
- Oh.
- Yeah.

302
00:23:36,623 --> 00:23:37,915
Oh!

303
00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:41,585
You OK?

304
00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:44,171
Yeah.

305
00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:46,549
Yeah, I'm fine.

306
00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:50,928
- I'm upset because they closed Botany.
- Those bastards.

307
00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:53,055
Well, I'm not that upset.

308
00:23:54,474 --> 00:23:56,809
Well, I won't be
if I get into Astronomy.

309
00:23:57,185 --> 00:24:00,646
You wanna cut in the line with us?
We're waiting.

310
00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:04,567
- Yes, yes, I would.
- Great. All right.

311
00:24:08,530 --> 00:24:10,281
This is Derek.

312
00:24:10,449 --> 00:24:12,616
Hi.

313
00:24:13,827 --> 00:24:16,829
- I'm Valerie Desmond.
- Yeah, I know.

314
00:24:18,415 --> 00:24:20,249
I'm Jason... Melon.

315
00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:21,417
- Hi.
- Hi.

316
00:24:25,547 --> 00:24:27,673
- Hi, Valerie.
- Hi.

317
00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,467
- God, you look great.
- Thanks.

318
00:24:29,634 --> 00:24:32,553
Are you taking
Astronomy too?

319
00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:35,848
I guess. I don't want to.
I'm a Business major.

320
00:24:36,016 --> 00:24:38,893
- Mm-hm.
- But they want us to take a science.

321
00:24:39,060 --> 00:24:41,937
- Do you mind if I sneak in line?
- Oh...

322
00:24:42,105 --> 00:24:47,443
Actually, these guys were nice enough
to let me in, so it's up to them.

323
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:51,655
Melon, buddy. What do you say?
Let me in, OK?

324
00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:54,074
I don't think so, Osbourne!

325
00:24:54,242 --> 00:24:56,202
Melon, your friend. Straighten him out.

326
00:24:56,369 --> 00:24:59,747
Chas, there's a lot of people waiting.
It wouldn't be fair.

327
00:25:00,790 --> 00:25:05,377
If you got a note from
each and every one of these people

328
00:25:05,545 --> 00:25:06,879
saying it was all right,

329
00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:08,297
then we'd reconsider.

330
00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:12,134
But until that day, take a hike,
you elitist fraternity scumbag.

331
00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:18,432
I won't forget this, Melon.

332
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,602
- I'll see you at the pool. Bye.
- Bye.

333
00:25:21,770 --> 00:25:23,646
Thank you. I'm dead.

334
00:25:24,231 --> 00:25:27,399
You're not gonna believe this.
Come on! I'm not kidding!

335
00:25:48,463 --> 00:25:49,755
Where is he?

336
00:25:49,923 --> 00:25:52,967
I don't know. I'm supposed to
pick him up here.

337
00:25:53,134 --> 00:25:54,802
- When?
- Now!

338
00:25:55,595 --> 00:25:57,555
Come on, let's register.

339
00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:08,983
- You guys got everything you need?
- We got it.

340
00:26:09,150 --> 00:26:12,027
- Why used books?
- What's wrong with used books?

341
00:26:12,195 --> 00:26:15,322
- They've been read.
- Yeah, and underlined, get it?

342
00:26:15,490 --> 00:26:18,576
The last guy could have been a maniac.

343
00:26:18,743 --> 00:26:21,829
Hey, get these guys some new books.

344
00:26:21,997 --> 00:26:24,790
Charge me. Pick a card.

345
00:26:26,209 --> 00:26:30,129
Then I'll take a four school sweaters,
a bunch of pennants,

346
00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:34,008
some of those beer mugs,
a few of these fuzzballs you cheer with.

347
00:26:34,175 --> 00:26:37,219
Hey, folks, it's on me!
Shakespeare for everyone.

348
00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:41,849
You too, honey.
I'd like to tame your shrew!

349
00:26:42,017 --> 00:26:45,769
- Who is that?
- That is Mr. Thornton Melon.

350
00:26:45,937 --> 00:26:48,314
The world's oldest living freshman.

351
00:26:48,481 --> 00:26:51,525
And the walking epitome
of the decline of education.

352
00:26:51,693 --> 00:26:53,902
The clod thinks he can buy
his way out of the gutter.

353
00:26:54,070 --> 00:26:57,573
- He was just having fun.
- Oh, really?

354
00:26:57,741 --> 00:27:01,035
I can't wait to get him in my class.

355
00:27:01,202 --> 00:27:04,079
- We'll see how much fun he is.
- Oh, Philip.

356
00:27:04,956 --> 00:27:08,792
Hey, Mr. M. You're all set.
We've been working all night.

357
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,836
Thanks, Buzzy, I appreciate it.

358
00:27:11,004 --> 00:27:14,381
Add a few hundred to the bill.
Throw a party.

359
00:27:14,549 --> 00:27:17,551
You know what you got, Mr. Melon?
You got class.

360
00:27:17,719 --> 00:27:21,263
It rubbed off from you, Buzzy.
Say hello to Sonia for me.

361
00:27:22,057 --> 00:27:26,727
Hey, I want to talk to you about
my schedule. We'll go over it later.

362
00:27:39,949 --> 00:27:42,910
Well, boys, what do you think?

363
00:27:43,078 --> 00:27:44,078
A hot tub!

364
00:27:44,245 --> 00:27:46,246
How can you study
if you're not relaxed?

365
00:27:46,414 --> 00:27:49,750
- When's our first class?
- Economics tomorrow at eleven.

366
00:27:49,918 --> 00:27:53,212
I got a massage at eleven.
Tell them to make it two o'clock.

367
00:27:54,255 --> 00:27:56,423
No, Dad, you don't get it.

368
00:27:56,591 --> 00:28:00,427
They're not gonna reschedule classes
around your massage.

369
00:28:00,595 --> 00:28:03,013
All right. But I'm gonna talk
to that Dean.

370
00:28:03,181 --> 00:28:05,307
These classes could be
a real inconvenience.

371
00:28:06,184 --> 00:28:08,102
All right, settle down, people.

372
00:28:08,269 --> 00:28:11,689
We've got a lot to cover,
and time is short.

373
00:28:15,985 --> 00:28:20,948
There are two kinds of people
in business, the quick and the dead.

374
00:28:21,116 --> 00:28:25,119
So rather than waste your time
this semester

375
00:28:25,286 --> 00:28:27,454
we're jumping in with both feet

376
00:28:27,622 --> 00:28:30,624
and create a fictional company
from the ground up.

377
00:28:30,792 --> 00:28:34,128
We'll construct our physical plant,

378
00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:37,881
we'll set up an efficient
administrative and executive structure,

379
00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:41,593
then we'll manufacture our product
and market it.

380
00:28:41,761 --> 00:28:44,304
I think you'll find it
interesting and fun.

381
00:28:44,472 --> 00:28:49,935
So let's start by looking at
construction costs of our new factory.

382
00:28:50,103 --> 00:28:52,396
What's the product?

383
00:28:52,564 --> 00:28:55,607
That is immaterial for the purposes
of our discussion

384
00:28:55,775 --> 00:28:59,570
but if it makes you happy,
let's say we're making tape recorders.

385
00:28:59,738 --> 00:29:01,697
Tape recorders, are you kidding?

386
00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:05,117
The Japs will kill us
on the labor costs.

387
00:29:05,285 --> 00:29:07,077
OK, fine.

388
00:29:07,245 --> 00:29:09,913
Then let's just say they're widgets.

389
00:29:10,081 --> 00:29:13,667
- What's a widget?
- It's a fictional product.

390
00:29:13,835 --> 00:29:15,335
It doesn't matter.

391
00:29:16,129 --> 00:29:20,424
- Tell that to the bank.
- Take it easy. It's the first day.

392
00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:23,594
On the board, you see a cost analysis
for construction

393
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:25,637
of a 30,000-square-foot facility

394
00:29:25,805 --> 00:29:28,348
which will encompass factory
and office space

395
00:29:28,516 --> 00:29:32,644
and is serviced by all utilities,
a railroad spur line

396
00:29:32,812 --> 00:29:34,438
and a four-bay shipping dock.

397
00:29:34,606 --> 00:29:36,315
Hold on. Why build?

398
00:29:37,108 --> 00:29:40,444
Better to lease at a buck and a half
a square foot.

399
00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:42,863
Take a down payment and put it into CDs

400
00:29:43,031 --> 00:29:45,115
or something you can roll over.

401
00:29:45,283 --> 00:29:46,825
Thank you, Mr. Melon.

402
00:29:47,952 --> 00:29:52,122
We'll be concentrating on finance
a little later in the term.

403
00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:56,794
For the time being, let's just
concentrate on the construction figures.

404
00:29:57,420 --> 00:29:59,880
The bottom line requires
the factoring in of

405
00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:02,341
not just the material
and construction costs

406
00:30:02,509 --> 00:30:07,262
but also the architect's fees
and the cost of land servicing.

407
00:30:07,430 --> 00:30:10,015
Oh, you left out a bunch of stuff.

408
00:30:10,183 --> 00:30:13,852
Oh, really?
Like what, for instance?

409
00:30:14,020 --> 00:30:17,231
First of all, you've got to grease
the local politicians

410
00:30:17,398 --> 00:30:19,399
for the sudden zoning problems
that always come up.

411
00:30:19,567 --> 00:30:21,777
Then there's kickbacks
to the carpenters.

412
00:30:21,945 --> 00:30:26,240
If you plan on using cement,
the Teamsters will want a chat,

413
00:30:26,407 --> 00:30:27,658
and that will cost you.

414
00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:30,410
And don't forget something
for the building inspectors.

415
00:30:30,578 --> 00:30:33,539
Then there's the long-term costs,
such as waste disposal.

416
00:30:33,706 --> 00:30:37,709
Are you familiar with who runs
that business? It's not the boy scouts.

417
00:30:37,877 --> 00:30:39,586
That's enough, Mr. Melon.

418
00:30:39,754 --> 00:30:44,675
Maybe bribes, kickbacks and mafia
pay-offs are how you do business,

419
00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:47,886
but they are not part
of the legitimate business world

420
00:30:48,054 --> 00:30:50,430
and certainly are not part
of anything I am teaching in this class.

421
00:30:50,598 --> 00:30:52,224
Do I make myself clear?

422
00:30:52,392 --> 00:30:54,768
Sorry, just trying to help.

423
00:30:54,936 --> 00:30:59,565
Now, notwithstanding Mr. Melon's input,

424
00:30:59,732 --> 00:31:04,278
the next question for us
is where to build our factory.

425
00:31:04,445 --> 00:31:08,490
How about Fantasyland?

426
00:31:11,369 --> 00:31:15,497
- My first class. I did good, huh?
- You'd better cool it with Dr. Barbay.

427
00:31:15,665 --> 00:31:19,293
Dr. Barbay don't know dick.
He tells it like it ain't.

428
00:31:19,460 --> 00:31:21,795
You know what he can do? Flunk you.

429
00:31:21,963 --> 00:31:24,047
Flunk me? Flunk him.

430
00:31:24,215 --> 00:31:26,967
Great attitude.
Do you know where your next class is?

431
00:31:27,135 --> 00:31:30,012
Contemporary American History.
Professor Terguson.

432
00:31:30,179 --> 00:31:32,973
- Terguson?
- You know him? Is he good?

433
00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:36,101
Well, he's committed.
In fact, I think he was.

434
00:31:36,269 --> 00:31:40,480
Just keep your head down
and your mouth shut.

435
00:31:40,648 --> 00:31:44,151
Welcome... to Contemporary
American History.

436
00:31:44,819 --> 00:31:46,236
I'm Professor Terguson.

437
00:31:46,404 --> 00:31:48,780
A lot of people think history
is just facts,

438
00:31:48,948 --> 00:31:51,116
it's just information about the past.

439
00:31:51,284 --> 00:31:52,784
But not me.

440
00:31:52,952 --> 00:31:56,163
I hold history very sacred. Sacred.

441
00:31:56,331 --> 00:31:58,790
The way the farmer
holds the earth sacred.

442
00:31:58,958 --> 00:32:02,002
The way a Christian
holds the Bible sacred.

443
00:32:02,170 --> 00:32:04,838
The way people
hold their marriage sacred.

444
00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:06,089
That's how I feel about it.

445
00:32:06,257 --> 00:32:10,135
So let's dive right in by interpreting
one of the easiest events

446
00:32:10,303 --> 00:32:13,263
in the last 20 years
of American history.

447
00:32:13,431 --> 00:32:18,018
Can someone tell me why, in 1975,

448
00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:20,354
we pulled our troops out of Vietnam?

449
00:32:22,482 --> 00:32:24,900
The failure of Vietnamization
to win popular support

450
00:32:25,068 --> 00:32:27,819
caused an ongoing erosion of confidence
in the various American

451
00:32:27,987 --> 00:32:30,030
but illegal Saigon regimes.

452
00:32:34,494 --> 00:32:35,619
Is she right?

453
00:32:37,830 --> 00:32:40,624
That's the popular version
of what went on.

454
00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:44,753
A lot of people believe that.
I wish I could, but I was there.

455
00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:48,382
I wasn't in a classroom,
hoping I was right, thinking about it,

456
00:32:48,549 --> 00:32:51,385
I was up to my knees in rice paddies,
with guns,

457
00:32:51,552 --> 00:32:54,221
going up against Charlie,
slugging it out with him

458
00:32:54,389 --> 00:32:58,058
while pussies like you
were back here partying,

459
00:32:58,226 --> 00:33:02,020
putting headbands on, doing drugs,
listening to Beatle albums.

460
00:33:04,899 --> 00:33:06,817
Professor, take it easy, will you?

461
00:33:07,568 --> 00:33:11,071
These kids, they were in grade school
at the time, and me...

462
00:33:11,239 --> 00:33:13,991
I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover.

463
00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:20,038
Well, I didn't know you wanted to

464
00:33:20,206 --> 00:33:22,916
get involved with
the discussion, Mr. Helper.

465
00:33:24,168 --> 00:33:27,462
Since you want to help,
maybe you can help me.

466
00:33:27,630 --> 00:33:30,924
Remember that thing we had 30 years ago
called the Korean Conflict?

467
00:33:31,509 --> 00:33:34,094
Yeah? Where we failed
to achieve victory?

468
00:33:34,262 --> 00:33:36,430
How come we didn't cross
the 38th parallel

469
00:33:36,597 --> 00:33:39,558
and push those rice-eaters
back to the Great Wall of China

470
00:33:39,726 --> 00:33:44,229
and take it apart brick by brick
and nuke them back into the Stone Age?

471
00:33:44,397 --> 00:33:47,899
How come? Why? Say it! Say it!

472
00:33:48,067 --> 00:33:50,110
All right. I'll say it.

473
00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:53,447
'Cause Truman was too much of a wimp
to let MacArthur go in there

474
00:33:53,614 --> 00:33:55,699
and blow out those commie bastards!

475
00:33:57,368 --> 00:34:01,830
Good answer. Good answer.

476
00:34:01,998 --> 00:34:03,790
I like the way you think.

477
00:34:04,792 --> 00:34:07,127
I'm gonna be watching you.

478
00:34:10,298 --> 00:34:13,675
He's a good teacher.
He really seems to care.

479
00:34:13,843 --> 00:34:15,594
About what, I have no idea.

480
00:34:17,555 --> 00:34:18,972
He was all right.

481
00:34:19,140 --> 00:34:21,349
Buddy, be my guest. Here's a pen.

482
00:34:21,517 --> 00:34:24,936
Boys, here's some pens
in case you learn how to write.

483
00:34:25,104 --> 00:34:27,355
- I know you.
- Yeah? Here's a pen.

484
00:34:27,523 --> 00:34:29,649
You do those obnoxious commercials.

485
00:34:29,817 --> 00:34:30,984
You're Tall & Fat!

486
00:34:31,152 --> 00:34:34,196
You're short and ugly.
Give me the pen back.

487
00:34:35,323 --> 00:34:37,240
Honey, here's a pen.

488
00:34:37,408 --> 00:34:38,909
Boys, how are you?

489
00:35:01,682 --> 00:35:05,769
"And Gibraltar is a girl
for I was a flower of the mountain

490
00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:09,940
Yes when I put the rose in my hair
like the Andalusian girls used

491
00:35:10,108 --> 00:35:12,400
Shall I wear red yes

492
00:35:12,568 --> 00:35:15,362
And he kissed me under
the Moorish wall and I thought

493
00:35:15,530 --> 00:35:17,364
Well as well him as another

494
00:35:17,532 --> 00:35:20,575
And then I ask him with my eyes
to ask again yes

495
00:35:20,743 --> 00:35:24,955
And then he asked me would I yes
to say yes my mountain flower

496
00:35:25,123 --> 00:35:27,541
And first I put my arms around his

497
00:35:27,708 --> 00:35:31,670
And drew him down to me so he could feel
my breasts all perfumed yes

498
00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:36,383
And his heart was going like mad
and yes I said, yes I will, yes."

499
00:35:36,551 --> 00:35:38,135
Yes! Yes!

500
00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:48,478
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
I think Joyce is pretty hot too.

501
00:35:48,646 --> 00:35:52,232
Now I have your attention,
I'll run down the reading list.

502
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,109
See what else turns you on.

503
00:36:00,241 --> 00:36:01,867
What a woman!

504
00:36:02,034 --> 00:36:04,703
Dad, she is the teacher.

505
00:36:04,871 --> 00:36:08,248
I like teachers. Do something wrong,
they make you do it over again.

506
00:36:10,084 --> 00:36:12,377
Shouldn't you
take some notes?

507
00:36:12,545 --> 00:36:14,212
Yeah, yeah.

508
00:36:15,298 --> 00:36:18,258
I gave away all my pens.

509
00:36:19,093 --> 00:36:21,261
I'm sorry, I need this back.

510
00:36:21,429 --> 00:36:23,221
Here's a calendar for you.

511
00:36:27,476 --> 00:36:29,936
- Hi.
- Hello, Mr. Melon.

512
00:36:30,104 --> 00:36:32,272
- Are you waiting for me?
- Yes.

513
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:36,693
I'm only a freshman,
but why don't we have dinner tonight?

514
00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:39,404
We can talk about Joyce.
She's my favorite writer.

515
00:36:41,407 --> 00:36:44,201
You're not the usual freshman,
but I can't.

516
00:36:44,368 --> 00:36:45,911
I'm sort of going with someone.

517
00:36:47,288 --> 00:36:49,998
- Where are you going?
- That's a good question.

518
00:36:51,125 --> 00:36:53,460
I'd like to join you,
but I have class tonight.

519
00:36:53,961 --> 00:36:55,420
How about tomorrow?

520
00:36:55,588 --> 00:36:56,755
I have class then too.

521
00:36:57,506 --> 00:37:01,593
Why don't you call me sometime
when you have no class?

522
00:37:02,845 --> 00:37:05,597
All right. Maybe I will.

523
00:37:10,811 --> 00:37:12,145
Hello, Philip.

524
00:37:13,147 --> 00:37:15,148
What did he want?

525
00:37:15,316 --> 00:37:17,484
Oh, what do all men want?

526
00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:20,487
You to dress up as Wonder Woman,

527
00:37:20,655 --> 00:37:23,698
tie him up and force him
to tell the truth?

528
00:37:23,866 --> 00:37:26,284
No, just dinner, Philip.

529
00:37:26,452 --> 00:37:29,079
Are you jealous of Thornton Melon?

530
00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:30,664
Certainly not.

531
00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:34,167
I've been doing
a great deal of thinking.

532
00:37:34,335 --> 00:37:37,629
I've been thinking... about us.

533
00:37:37,797 --> 00:37:40,173
- And?
- And I think...

534
00:37:40,341 --> 00:37:43,635
...we should start thinking about
forming a...

535
00:37:43,803 --> 00:37:45,428
...well, a...

536
00:37:45,596 --> 00:37:48,932
- A merger?
- A merger, exactly. A merger.

537
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:50,558
A partnership.

538
00:37:50,726 --> 00:37:54,229
Seriously, Diane.
We're both educated, intelligent adults.

539
00:37:54,397 --> 00:37:55,605
We should be together.

540
00:37:55,773 --> 00:37:58,566
Incorporated, if you will.

541
00:37:58,734 --> 00:38:03,697
Look at the balance sheet.
We were made for one another.

542
00:38:03,864 --> 00:38:05,448
Philip, darling.

543
00:38:05,616 --> 00:38:07,367
I don't want to be merged
or incorporated.

544
00:38:07,535 --> 00:38:12,080
I want to have fun
and be romanced and loved.

545
00:38:13,207 --> 00:38:17,752
So let's not rush into anything.
Let's just start by having fun, OK?

546
00:38:22,049 --> 00:38:24,884
Hey, how are ya? What's happening?

547
00:38:25,678 --> 00:38:27,220
A lot of people are talking
about your dad.

548
00:38:27,388 --> 00:38:28,847
What's happening?

549
00:38:30,224 --> 00:38:32,225
Hey, boys! How are you doing?

550
00:38:32,393 --> 00:38:34,227
I wonder why.

551
00:38:35,438 --> 00:38:40,066
Um... they have lockers.
You could have changed here.

552
00:38:40,234 --> 00:38:44,070
I don't change in front of guys.
Next, you're showering with them.

553
00:38:44,238 --> 00:38:47,282
And next, you're pinned to
a sophomore named Chip.

554
00:38:47,450 --> 00:38:50,327
- Come on, let's go.
- I'll see you later.

555
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,735
That was pretty good.

556
00:39:23,903 --> 00:39:25,695
Next time, hold the pike
a little longer.

557
00:39:27,865 --> 00:39:29,991
Wait a minute. I'll be right down.

558
00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:55,308
Not bad.

559
00:39:56,852 --> 00:39:58,937
All right. Let's see one more.

560
00:40:00,189 --> 00:40:02,565
- Like I showed you.
- All right, got it.

561
00:40:09,031 --> 00:40:11,783
What's a guy your age
doing with these kids?

562
00:40:11,951 --> 00:40:15,203
I'm looking for
the fountain of middle age.

563
00:40:15,371 --> 00:40:16,496
What's your story?

564
00:40:16,664 --> 00:40:21,167
I'm setting a new record for the most
consecutive losses by a diving coach.

565
00:40:22,503 --> 00:40:24,337
Remember, hold that pike longer.

566
00:40:24,505 --> 00:40:27,090
- He your kid?
- Yeah.

567
00:40:27,258 --> 00:40:30,468
- Who coached him in high school?
- Yours truly.

568
00:40:30,636 --> 00:40:32,137
Where did you learn diving?

569
00:40:32,304 --> 00:40:35,557
Atlantic City. Steel Pier.
I was in a water show.

570
00:40:35,724 --> 00:40:39,602
- I used to open for the Diving Horse.
- You're kidding. I'm from Jersey.

571
00:40:39,770 --> 00:40:42,522
I spent my life on that pier growing up.

572
00:40:42,690 --> 00:40:46,776
There was a guy did the most amazing
dive, called the Triple Lindy.

573
00:40:46,944 --> 00:40:49,696
Hardest dive I ever saw. Who was that?

574
00:40:50,406 --> 00:40:52,824
- Yours truly.
- You're kidding.

575
00:40:52,992 --> 00:40:56,536
I don't joke about dives.
Especially that. It almost killed me.

576
00:40:57,121 --> 00:40:59,539
Boy, you were something else.

577
00:40:59,707 --> 00:41:03,543
- Can your kid do that dive?
- Nobody can. It's too dangerous.

578
00:41:05,796 --> 00:41:09,215
He tried out for the team last semester.
He wasn't that good.

579
00:41:09,884 --> 00:41:12,218
Not that good, huh? Watch this.

580
00:41:13,179 --> 00:41:15,054
Jason, do the two and a half.

581
00:41:28,652 --> 00:41:31,404
Not bad.

582
00:41:33,616 --> 00:41:37,076
My man Melon. Come on, there's
a pep rally for the football team.

583
00:41:37,244 --> 00:41:38,870
What is this?

584
00:41:39,038 --> 00:41:41,706
Me, Standish and Redding,
we're doing an anti-pep rally.

585
00:41:43,375 --> 00:41:45,752
Violent ground acquisition games
such as football is, in fact,

586
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:47,587
a crypto-fascist metaphor
for nuclear war.

587
00:41:47,755 --> 00:41:52,592
It sounds like a lot of laughs but
I'm supposed to meet my dad and study.

588
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:57,722
Well, if you change your mind, pal,
you know where to find me.

589
00:41:57,890 --> 00:42:00,767
If I change my mind,
I'll seek psychiatric help.

590
00:42:20,162 --> 00:42:24,040
Excuse me. What is the Oort system,
and what does it tell us?

591
00:42:26,919 --> 00:42:29,087
Uh... What? I'm sorry.

592
00:42:29,922 --> 00:42:31,881
Astronomy, chapter two.

593
00:42:32,883 --> 00:42:34,592
Oh, Oort. Oort.

594
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:36,386
Oort was this scientist

595
00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:40,598
and he figured out that
the smeared-out density of matter

596
00:42:40,766 --> 00:42:44,769
can be no greater
than the solar mass per cubic parsec...

597
00:42:44,937 --> 00:42:47,063
You look thrilled. It's not my theory.

598
00:42:48,482 --> 00:42:51,067
Thanks. That helps a lot.

599
00:42:52,319 --> 00:42:54,612
Listen, I was just wondering.

600
00:42:54,780 --> 00:42:57,824
Would you do my Astronomy homework
for the rest of the semester?

601
00:43:00,953 --> 00:43:02,412
There you go.

602
00:43:02,580 --> 00:43:04,163
Hi, Mr. Melon.

603
00:43:04,331 --> 00:43:06,583
Call me Thornton.

604
00:43:06,750 --> 00:43:09,586
How about joining me
and my friend over there?

605
00:43:09,753 --> 00:43:11,713
Your friend looks a little strange.

606
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:13,840
Who, Lou? Lou's an animal.

607
00:43:14,008 --> 00:43:17,093
In his family, he's only the second
generation to stand up straight.

608
00:43:19,179 --> 00:43:23,182
What lovely girls. How would you like
a life of luxury and deceit?

609
00:43:24,268 --> 00:43:26,936
- Come on, join us in a beer, OK?
- OK.

610
00:43:27,104 --> 00:43:28,521
OK.

611
00:43:37,698 --> 00:43:40,992
Girls, this is Lou.
Lou, these are girls.

612
00:43:45,205 --> 00:43:47,665
Two! One, two!

613
00:43:50,544 --> 00:43:51,544
Wow!

614
00:43:55,174 --> 00:43:59,302
♪ Shake it up, baby

615
00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:02,388
- ♪ Twist and shout
- ♪ Twist and shout

616
00:44:02,556 --> 00:44:06,893
- ♪ Come on, come on, come on, baby
- ♪ Come on, baby

617
00:44:07,061 --> 00:44:09,312
♪ Just come and work it on out

618
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,356
♪ Work it on out

619
00:44:11,523 --> 00:44:14,734
- ♪ Work it on out
- ♪ Work it on out...

620
00:44:15,944 --> 00:44:19,155
Honey, come here.
Two more glasses for the girls.

621
00:44:19,323 --> 00:44:22,784
Bring a pitcher of beer every
seven minutes till somebody passes out

622
00:44:22,951 --> 00:44:25,578
and then bring one
every ten minutes. Right?

623
00:44:26,997 --> 00:44:31,292
You know, I thought we were just gonna
go to the planetarium and look at stars.

624
00:44:31,460 --> 00:44:34,170
I had no idea this was
gonna be astrophysics.

625
00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:36,756
It's not that hard. You'll get it.

626
00:44:36,924 --> 00:44:40,259
It's not hard for you,
because you're smart.

627
00:44:40,427 --> 00:44:42,303
You're smart too.

628
00:44:42,471 --> 00:44:46,933
Yeah, but you're smart smart.
Do you study at the library every night?

629
00:44:47,101 --> 00:44:49,936
No, I was meeting Dad there,
but he's at the dorm.

630
00:44:50,104 --> 00:44:51,854
♪ Aaaaah

631
00:44:52,022 --> 00:44:55,900
- ♪ Aahh
- ♪ Aahhh

632
00:44:57,820 --> 00:45:02,782
♪ Aaaaaah, shake it up, baby

633
00:45:02,950 --> 00:45:04,659
♪ Shake it up, baby

634
00:45:04,827 --> 00:45:08,121
- ♪ Twist and shout
- ♪ Twist and shout

635
00:45:08,288 --> 00:45:10,498
♪ Come on, come on, come on, baby

636
00:45:10,666 --> 00:45:14,669
- ♪ Come on, baby
- ♪ Come on and work it on out

637
00:45:14,837 --> 00:45:18,005
♪ Work it on out
♪ You gotta twist it on out

638
00:45:18,173 --> 00:45:20,466
Lower, baby, lower.

639
00:45:20,634 --> 00:45:22,343
Hey, guys, let me see some ID.

640
00:45:22,511 --> 00:45:24,303
Whoo, not that low, baby!

641
00:45:24,471 --> 00:45:26,639
♪ Come on and twist little closer...

642
00:45:26,807 --> 00:45:28,808
To the left, baby, to the left...

643
00:45:30,185 --> 00:45:34,564
That's the spot, baby, hold it,
hold it. Oh, you are there!

644
00:45:37,151 --> 00:45:40,319
♪ Shake it, shake it, shake it,
shake it, baby

645
00:45:40,487 --> 00:45:44,157
♪ Come on and shake it,
shake it, shake it, shake it, baby

646
00:45:44,992 --> 00:45:47,201
♪ Shake it, baby, shake it out

647
00:45:47,369 --> 00:45:49,036
- ♪ Shake it
- ♪ Aaahhhh

648
00:45:49,204 --> 00:45:51,038
- ♪ Shake it
- ♪ Aaaahhhh

649
00:45:51,206 --> 00:45:53,332
- ♪ Shake!
- ♪ Aaaah ♪

650
00:45:58,964 --> 00:46:00,256
OK, buddy.

651
00:46:03,761 --> 00:46:06,053
Jason, what are you doing here?

652
00:46:06,221 --> 00:46:09,474
Whoa, what am I doing?
What are you doing?

653
00:46:09,641 --> 00:46:13,561
- We were supposed to study.
- The library. I know.

654
00:46:13,729 --> 00:46:15,980
Hey.

655
00:46:16,148 --> 00:46:18,357
Chas, check it out.

656
00:46:21,195 --> 00:46:25,198
Hey, Clarke. Interesting little rally
you guys had tonight.

657
00:46:25,365 --> 00:46:28,326
Yeah, right.
They got paint on my girlfriend.

658
00:46:28,494 --> 00:46:30,953
- I'm gonna kill them pinheads.
- Yeah?

659
00:46:31,121 --> 00:46:35,124
Well, you came to the right place.
Guess who's here? Derek Lutz.

660
00:46:40,380 --> 00:46:41,672
Hey, Lutz!

661
00:46:43,008 --> 00:46:45,426
- You know who I am?
- Um...

662
00:46:45,594 --> 00:46:49,263
Let's see.
Protruding supra-orbital ridges,

663
00:46:49,431 --> 00:46:52,266
small cranium, uh, 1300cc brain...

664
00:46:52,434 --> 00:46:54,560
Hmm. Neanderthal man.

665
00:46:54,728 --> 00:46:58,898
You. Call his mother.
Tell her he's never coming home.

666
00:46:59,066 --> 00:47:03,277
You sure you got the right guy?
Lots of people got blue hair now.

667
00:47:03,445 --> 00:47:06,364
- Shut up, meathead.
- Take it easy.

668
00:47:07,533 --> 00:47:10,034
War's over.
You can get new parts for your head.

669
00:47:10,202 --> 00:47:12,870
Yeah? Wanna make something of it?

670
00:47:13,038 --> 00:47:16,499
No, I never get physical.
I just get upset.

671
00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:20,169
And when I get upset, he gets physical.

672
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:29,095
You got a problem?

673
00:47:30,013 --> 00:47:33,599
- No, I haven't got a problem.
- Now you do.

674
00:47:44,152 --> 00:47:45,444
Kill him!

675
00:47:57,791 --> 00:48:00,376
Lou, where you been? I'm getting
my ass kicked all over the place.

676
00:48:26,111 --> 00:48:29,155
- Well, you look terrible.
- I'm all right.

677
00:48:29,323 --> 00:48:32,658
It's Lou I'm worried about.
He may lose his trigger finger.

678
00:48:32,826 --> 00:48:36,078
Why did you
take on the whole football team?

679
00:48:36,246 --> 00:48:39,832
They're not that tough.
The team at my high school were tough.

680
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:43,336
After they sacked the quarterback,
they went after his family.

681
00:48:46,256 --> 00:48:50,009
This morning, we're looking at
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

682
00:48:50,177 --> 00:48:54,180
Mr. Melon, how would you
characterize the Great Gatsby?

683
00:48:54,348 --> 00:48:56,849
- Who, him?
- No, you.

684
00:48:57,017 --> 00:49:01,020
Me? Well, the Great Gatsby,
he was uh...

685
00:49:01,188 --> 00:49:03,773
Great.

686
00:49:07,152 --> 00:49:09,195
See me after class, Mr. Melon.

687
00:49:12,449 --> 00:49:16,035
Please, try to understand.
I don't have the background.

688
00:49:16,203 --> 00:49:18,788
My high school,
to prove the law of gravity,

689
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:20,748
a kid threw the teacher out the window.

690
00:49:21,875 --> 00:49:25,044
I know what I need. I need a tutor.

691
00:49:26,630 --> 00:49:30,967
Hey, what do you say?
Come on, you got some spare time.

692
00:49:32,094 --> 00:49:34,845
All right, Mr. Melon,
I have some spare time this evening.

693
00:49:35,013 --> 00:49:36,806
Come round about seven.

694
00:49:36,974 --> 00:49:38,599
- Great.
- I'll give you my address.

695
00:49:40,811 --> 00:49:43,104
- Thanks.
- Please be on time.

696
00:49:43,271 --> 00:49:44,689
I'll be on time.

697
00:49:47,859 --> 00:49:49,402
What penmanship.

698
00:49:51,113 --> 00:49:54,407
"Everywhere the ceremony
of innocence is drowned.

699
00:49:54,574 --> 00:49:59,412
The best lack all conviction while the
worst are full of passionate intensity."

700
00:49:59,579 --> 00:50:01,080
There's a lot of other stuff here.

701
00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:04,417
Yeats goes on and on
and here's the finish.

702
00:50:05,627 --> 00:50:08,587
"What rough beast,
its hour come round at last

703
00:50:08,755 --> 00:50:11,424
slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?"

704
00:50:11,591 --> 00:50:16,137
- What did that make you think of?
- Rough beast. My ex-wife.

705
00:50:16,304 --> 00:50:19,557
It's one interpretation.
Not the right one, but a start.

706
00:50:19,725 --> 00:50:23,853
Surely a man of your age must have read
some of the things on my list.

707
00:50:24,021 --> 00:50:25,021
Macbeth?

708
00:50:25,188 --> 00:50:29,567
I saw the movie. Orson Welles.
Great actor. Big actor.

709
00:50:29,735 --> 00:50:31,944
He was a Tall & Fat customer.

710
00:50:32,112 --> 00:50:34,238
- Cat On A Hot Tin Roof?
- I saw the movie.

711
00:50:34,406 --> 00:50:38,784
Burl lves. Great actor. Extra stout.
Another customer.

712
00:50:38,952 --> 00:50:41,454
- A Streetcar Named Desire.
- Great movie. Marlon Brando.

713
00:50:41,621 --> 00:50:45,124
He wasn't that big then,
but he ballooned up nicely.

714
00:50:45,292 --> 00:50:48,044
I'd say pound for pound
our finest American actor.

715
00:50:48,211 --> 00:50:51,464
- Don't you ever read?
- Read? Who has time?

716
00:50:51,631 --> 00:50:53,799
I see the movie. In two hours.

717
00:50:53,967 --> 00:50:58,721
The reason you read these works is so
you can experience them for yourself.

718
00:50:58,889 --> 00:51:01,557
So you can share
the thoughts of the writer

719
00:51:01,725 --> 00:51:05,978
without the interference of your actor,
director and professor's point of view.

720
00:51:06,813 --> 00:51:10,775
You truly share and understand
the common feelings of all mankind.

721
00:51:11,234 --> 00:51:13,110
The feelings of being alive.

722
00:51:14,654 --> 00:51:18,657
That was beautiful.
I understand what you're saying, too.

723
00:51:18,825 --> 00:51:21,535
I'm glad. It makes me feel good.

724
00:51:21,703 --> 00:51:24,789
I've got an idea.
Let's keep talking over dinner.

725
00:51:26,249 --> 00:51:28,292
I'm supposed to meet someone for dinner.

726
00:51:29,878 --> 00:51:33,172
I could cancel, though.
We are working after all.

727
00:51:33,340 --> 00:51:35,049
You can't work on an empty stomach.

728
00:51:35,217 --> 00:51:38,010
You can't concentrate if you're hungry.

729
00:51:38,178 --> 00:51:41,722
I really shouldn't.
I have so many things to do.

730
00:51:41,890 --> 00:51:45,059
I'll help you. I'll take out
the garbage, do the dishes.

731
00:51:45,227 --> 00:51:48,687
I'll do your nails, your hair.
You've no idea what I wanna do.

732
00:51:48,855 --> 00:51:50,856
- I'll call him.
- I'll dial it.

733
00:51:51,733 --> 00:51:56,445
- Let me get the light.
- I think I'm attracted to teachers.

734
00:51:56,613 --> 00:52:00,366
I took out an English teacher,
but I sent her a love letter

735
00:52:00,534 --> 00:52:02,493
and she corrected it.

736
00:52:04,162 --> 00:52:06,038
Oh, great. Company.

737
00:52:10,877 --> 00:52:13,546
- Those two ought to get a room.
- Really.

738
00:52:13,713 --> 00:52:15,339
Actually, I was married twice.

739
00:52:15,507 --> 00:52:18,843
My first wife, Jason's mother,
I really loved.

740
00:52:19,010 --> 00:52:21,137
We had a good thing going.

741
00:52:21,304 --> 00:52:23,597
She passed away about ten years ago.

742
00:52:23,765 --> 00:52:26,058
After that, I screwed around
for a few years.

743
00:52:26,226 --> 00:52:28,394
Then I went nuts.
I married Vanessa.

744
00:52:29,521 --> 00:52:31,397
I was lonely, I guess.

745
00:52:31,565 --> 00:52:34,441
- Is that over?
- We were doomed from the start.

746
00:52:34,609 --> 00:52:37,862
I'm an earth sign, she's a water sign.
Together we made mud.

747
00:52:38,738 --> 00:52:41,240
I picked a beauty.
She played around, too.

748
00:52:41,408 --> 00:52:44,076
When she said, "I do",
I should have said, "With who?"

749
00:52:45,078 --> 00:52:48,747
- So are you giving up on women?
- I can't figure women out.

750
00:52:48,915 --> 00:52:51,876
Today, they're independent,
only think about themselves.

751
00:52:52,043 --> 00:52:55,337
During sex, Vanessa
screamed out her own name.

752
00:52:57,424 --> 00:52:58,841
I think men are different.

753
00:52:59,009 --> 00:53:03,512
The women's movement made men want
to show you how sensitive they are.

754
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:07,600
Before, they were too macho.
Now they're too soft.

755
00:53:07,767 --> 00:53:10,394
You all want us to know you can cry.

756
00:53:10,562 --> 00:53:13,105
With women, I never cry, never.

757
00:53:13,273 --> 00:53:16,108
I beg.

758
00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:22,448
If we finish this bottle of wine,
you won't have to beg.

759
00:53:39,341 --> 00:53:40,841
Diane!

760
00:53:41,009 --> 00:53:44,136
- Oh! Oh, Philip.
- We were supposed to go to dinner.

761
00:53:44,304 --> 00:53:47,973
I just had dinner.

762
00:53:48,141 --> 00:53:49,767
I don't believe this.

763
00:53:49,935 --> 00:53:53,312
Maybe it's a dream.
Good night, Philip.

764
00:53:55,065 --> 00:53:58,734
Do a good job.
What do you charge for big cars?

765
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:11,997
I had a lot of fun, Thornton.

766
00:54:13,458 --> 00:54:15,042
Me too.

767
00:54:15,210 --> 00:54:18,003
And thanks for the lesson.
I learned a lot.

768
00:54:18,171 --> 00:54:19,672
You're welcome.

769
00:54:19,839 --> 00:54:20,839
I did, too.

770
00:54:22,550 --> 00:54:23,926
Well, uh...

771
00:54:25,011 --> 00:54:28,806
Well, I guess this is good night.

772
00:54:28,974 --> 00:54:30,057
Yeah.

773
00:54:32,060 --> 00:54:34,019
A very good night.

774
00:54:40,819 --> 00:54:43,612
Beautiful.
Oh.

775
00:54:44,447 --> 00:54:47,658
That's it, that's the spot.
Just keep doing that.

776
00:54:47,826 --> 00:54:50,703
Oh, don't lose it. Oh, oh!

777
00:54:50,870 --> 00:54:56,208
Oh, Lou, you're great. The leg
is better. You got the cramp out.

778
00:54:56,376 --> 00:54:58,544
You're a wreck.
You got to start working out.

779
00:54:59,504 --> 00:55:03,924
And you know what else.
You have got mid-terms coming up.

780
00:55:04,092 --> 00:55:06,593
You haven't studied since you got here.

781
00:55:06,761 --> 00:55:10,347
You're always so neat.
You're just like your uncle Vito.

782
00:55:10,515 --> 00:55:12,599
As kids, his room was always in order,

783
00:55:12,767 --> 00:55:15,894
towels lined up,
hair lotions in the right place.

784
00:55:16,062 --> 00:55:19,398
What is he today?
An attendant in a men's room.

785
00:55:19,566 --> 00:55:21,900
Hey! He's my idol.

786
00:55:22,068 --> 00:55:26,322
But... I'm not going to be
folding towels any more.

787
00:55:27,407 --> 00:55:30,284
'Cause I just made - ta-da!
- The diving team.

788
00:55:30,452 --> 00:55:33,579
The di... That's great! Hey! Gee...

789
00:55:33,747 --> 00:55:35,914
I'm taking you out.
We're having a party.

790
00:55:36,082 --> 00:55:38,542
No, Dad. That's really nice,
but I'm in training.

791
00:55:38,710 --> 00:55:41,128
We got a meet coming up
against Northern.

792
00:55:41,296 --> 00:55:43,464
We'll have a party after the meet.

793
00:55:43,631 --> 00:55:47,676
Dad, why don't you join me
on a little reality break?

794
00:55:47,844 --> 00:55:52,431
Being in love with Dr. Turner does not
mean you're gonna pass her course.

795
00:55:52,599 --> 00:55:56,727
You've got a major paper on Kurt
Vonnegut and you haven't read the books.

796
00:55:56,895 --> 00:55:58,604
I tried.

797
00:56:00,065 --> 00:56:01,899
I don't understand a word of it.

798
00:56:02,817 --> 00:56:05,152
So how are you gonna
write the paper then?

799
00:56:09,824 --> 00:56:13,118
Hi. I'm Kurt Vonnegut.
I'm looking for Thornton Melon.

800
00:56:14,329 --> 00:56:18,040
Uh... you wanna come in? Dad?

801
00:56:18,875 --> 00:56:22,127
D-O-G. Dog.

802
00:56:22,295 --> 00:56:26,131
One more word out
of you and it's back to the tree.

803
00:56:26,299 --> 00:56:28,509
Come in.

804
00:56:28,676 --> 00:56:32,971
Excuse me. Dr. Barazini?
I'm Thornton Melon.

805
00:56:33,139 --> 00:56:36,600
Oh, yes. Thornton Melon. I know you.

806
00:56:36,768 --> 00:56:42,147
You delivered the paper on isomagnetic
brain waves at Montreal last year.

807
00:56:42,315 --> 00:56:44,358
No. I sold you your pants.

808
00:56:44,526 --> 00:56:48,028
Of course. Good to see you.
What are you doing here?

809
00:56:48,196 --> 00:56:50,447
I have to report here
for my lab project.

810
00:56:50,615 --> 00:56:51,865
Oh, good.

811
00:56:52,033 --> 00:56:55,160
I'm trying to teach these apes
how to read and write.

812
00:56:55,328 --> 00:56:57,996
Teach 'em to go to the bathroom first.

813
00:56:58,164 --> 00:57:00,791
Oh, you'll get used to that.

814
00:57:00,959 --> 00:57:03,502
Now, all you have to do

815
00:57:03,670 --> 00:57:07,089
is put a new tape
in the tape machine every hour

816
00:57:07,257 --> 00:57:08,715
and observe the animals.

817
00:57:08,883 --> 00:57:10,884
I'll be back in a few hours
to check on you.

818
00:57:11,052 --> 00:57:13,512
Fine. See you later.

819
00:57:15,598 --> 00:57:18,517
You don't need this.
I'll find you an organ-grinder.

820
00:57:28,736 --> 00:57:33,365
Hi, Marge. Few things. I need you all
down here as fast as you can.

821
00:57:33,533 --> 00:57:36,368
And Peterson, the accountant,
I need him too.

822
00:57:36,536 --> 00:57:39,621
Oh, thanks.
And Marge, I need...

823
00:57:43,501 --> 00:57:46,503
See if you can get somebody
at the Rand Corporation

824
00:57:46,671 --> 00:57:48,046
to come down here for about a week.

825
00:57:51,092 --> 00:57:52,092
What?

826
00:57:53,720 --> 00:57:56,722
Russell hits him
with a powerful body slap.

827
00:58:02,228 --> 00:58:05,022
No problem.
They're taking a break, that's all.

828
00:58:06,900 --> 00:58:11,361
In 1971, the United States
accumulated deficit

829
00:58:11,529 --> 00:58:14,406
greater than the supply of gold
the country held.

830
00:58:14,574 --> 00:58:19,703
In that year, Richard Nixon took
the United States off the gold standard.

831
00:58:19,871 --> 00:58:22,581
In doing so, he disrupted...

832
00:58:24,918 --> 00:58:27,669
...the entire international
monetary system.

833
00:58:27,837 --> 00:58:30,422
What is that clicking noise?

834
00:58:35,762 --> 00:58:37,763
Are you a student in this class?

835
00:58:39,098 --> 00:58:40,891
Uh, no.

836
00:58:41,059 --> 00:58:42,392
Who are you?

837
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,939
I'm Marge Sweetwater.

838
00:58:47,106 --> 00:58:49,233
Mr. Thornton Melon's private secretary.

839
00:58:56,282 --> 00:58:58,242
What are you doing here?

840
00:58:59,285 --> 00:59:02,704
Ooh. I'm taking notes for Mr. Melon.

841
00:59:06,292 --> 00:59:10,754
He told you to write down
everything I said?

842
00:59:10,922 --> 00:59:13,465
Yes, he did.

843
00:59:13,633 --> 00:59:15,133
Good.

844
00:59:17,470 --> 00:59:19,096
Take this down.

845
00:59:22,392 --> 00:59:25,769
Mr. Melon, no matter what you do,

846
00:59:27,313 --> 00:59:29,982
no matter what stunts you pull,

847
00:59:30,149 --> 00:59:33,235
no matter how hard you try,

848
00:59:33,403 --> 00:59:37,781
you will never, ever pass this course.

849
00:59:40,618 --> 00:59:42,869
Make sure he gets that.

850
00:59:46,874 --> 00:59:48,166
Yes, sir.

851
00:59:48,334 --> 00:59:51,712
I'll tell you what,
it's for Barbay. Make it an A.

852
00:59:51,879 --> 00:59:55,173
Where's the lab report on psychology?
Oh, thank you.

853
00:59:57,510 --> 01:00:00,679
It's too light. It feels like a C.

854
01:00:00,847 --> 01:00:03,682
Bulk it up and add a few
multi-colored graphs.

855
01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:06,351
- Yo, Dad.
- Jason, hold it, will ya?

856
01:00:06,519 --> 01:00:09,187
Everybody, let's see As
across the board.

857
01:00:09,355 --> 01:00:12,691
A ten-percent bonus
for every grade over B.

858
01:00:12,859 --> 01:00:16,153
- A plus gets you a free trip to Hawaii.
- Ooh!

859
01:00:16,321 --> 01:00:18,697
Off season.

860
01:00:18,865 --> 01:00:21,533
Dad, what's going on here?

861
01:00:21,701 --> 01:00:24,995
- I'm doing my homework.
- No, they're doing your homework.

862
01:00:25,163 --> 01:00:27,956
Jason, a good executive knows
how to delegate authority.

863
01:00:28,124 --> 01:00:29,916
Here, I took care of you too.

864
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:33,378
- What's this?
- Your Astronomy report.

865
01:00:34,547 --> 01:00:36,965
- What's wrong with you?
- What's wrong with you?

866
01:00:37,133 --> 01:00:39,468
I'm gonna write that paper.

867
01:00:39,636 --> 01:00:42,220
That's why I'm taking Astronomy,
to learn something.

868
01:00:42,388 --> 01:00:46,099
You'll never learn a goddamn thing
if people do your work for you.

869
01:00:50,063 --> 01:00:53,398
Kids. They always do things
the hard way.

870
01:00:55,026 --> 01:00:56,360
Ladies and gentlemen,

871
01:00:56,527 --> 01:01:01,114
the visiting team,
Northern University Wildcats.

872
01:01:03,076 --> 01:01:07,079
And your Grand Lakes University Hooters!

873
01:01:07,622 --> 01:01:09,122
Hey, there's your boy.

874
01:01:09,290 --> 01:01:10,749
Jason!

875
01:01:21,427 --> 01:01:24,054
Valerie, how are you doing?

876
01:01:24,222 --> 01:01:29,393
I'm glad you've come. My dad is having
a little party tonight over at the dorm.

877
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:31,978
It should be great.
His parties usually are.

878
01:01:32,146 --> 01:01:33,814
I'd love to come.

879
01:01:34,899 --> 01:01:36,858
Except I have a date.

880
01:01:37,777 --> 01:01:42,906
Uh, well, bring him along.
That's OK. You can both come by.

881
01:01:43,950 --> 01:01:46,660
- I'll try.
- Good. I hope I'll see you there.

882
01:01:46,828 --> 01:01:49,955
Sounds fun.
I wish my dad were like yours.

883
01:02:00,883 --> 01:02:02,050
Hey, Chas.

884
01:02:03,344 --> 01:02:06,263
- Good luck, buddy. Let's get them.
- Yeah.

885
01:02:06,431 --> 01:02:10,642
Thanks, Melon. I'd wish you luck too
but I guess you don't need luck.

886
01:02:12,311 --> 01:02:15,814
- What do you mean?
- With your old man behind you,

887
01:02:15,982 --> 01:02:20,944
since he bought your way onto the team,
he probably bought off the judges too.

888
01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:26,658
Oh, there's Thornton.

889
01:02:28,327 --> 01:02:29,703
Diane!

890
01:02:31,622 --> 01:02:35,125
I can't imagine
what you can possibly see in that man.

891
01:02:35,293 --> 01:02:38,128
Philip, would you excuse me
for a minute?

892
01:02:42,008 --> 01:02:44,050
Yes, yes!

893
01:02:44,218 --> 01:02:46,052
- You look great.
- Thanks.

894
01:02:46,220 --> 01:02:49,848
Where've you been? I made dates
with your answering machine.

895
01:02:50,016 --> 01:02:54,853
Sorry I missed you. I've been busy
reading mid-term papers, grading exams.

896
01:02:55,021 --> 01:02:57,856
- Read mine?
- No, but I look forward to it.

897
01:02:58,024 --> 01:03:01,318
I'm throwing a party tonight,
and you'd better be there.

898
01:03:01,486 --> 01:03:04,696
Oh, I'm sorry, I've a date
with Philip tonight.

899
01:03:04,864 --> 01:03:08,200
Bring him along. We may run out of ice.

900
01:03:11,788 --> 01:03:17,292
First diver for Grand Lakes
University, Chas Osbourne.

901
01:03:41,442 --> 01:03:44,069
Hey, Coach. How are you?

902
01:03:48,950 --> 01:03:54,079
Next diver
for Grand Lakes, Jason Delon.

903
01:03:54,247 --> 01:03:55,455
Melon.

904
01:04:17,270 --> 01:04:37,289
♪ Everybody's crazy

905
01:04:41,669 --> 01:04:44,296
What's up? This is always
the best party of the year.

906
01:04:44,463 --> 01:04:48,300
Some big event at the dorms.
We're thinking of going.

907
01:04:49,010 --> 01:04:51,887
- To Melon's? Are you nuts?
- Why don't we go?

908
01:04:52,054 --> 01:04:56,641
- Valerie, please, it'll be horrible.
- Jason said it would be great.

909
01:04:56,809 --> 01:05:00,061
Jason's a twerp. We could have won
if it weren't for him.

910
01:05:00,229 --> 01:05:04,065
- Haven't you ever messed up?
- No.

911
01:05:09,906 --> 01:05:11,698
♪ I'm all dressed up
with nowhere to go

912
01:05:11,866 --> 01:05:15,327
Ooh! Hey, ooh! Hey, baby!

913
01:05:15,494 --> 01:05:18,747
♪ Walking with a dead man
over my shoulder

914
01:05:21,667 --> 01:05:24,336
♪ All dressed up with nowhere to go

915
01:05:26,797 --> 01:05:28,965
I love three girls at once!

916
01:05:29,133 --> 01:05:32,010
I fall asleep, they have each other
to talk to.

917
01:05:40,061 --> 01:05:44,397
Nice look. What are you going for,
the heavily disassociated artist thing,

918
01:05:44,565 --> 01:05:46,858
or the "I'm going blind" thing?

919
01:05:47,026 --> 01:05:49,861
Huh? Oh, it's the deaf thing.

920
01:05:51,197 --> 01:05:52,572
This will cheer you up.

921
01:05:52,740 --> 01:05:54,532
Ooh, do me!

922
01:05:54,700 --> 01:05:59,829
Derek, get up. You look like
the poster boy for birth control.

923
01:06:03,542 --> 01:06:05,710
Jason, it's a party.
What's your story?

924
01:06:06,587 --> 01:06:07,963
What's the matter, the swim meet?

925
01:06:08,130 --> 01:06:10,048
Forget about it,
it's history.

926
01:06:11,342 --> 01:06:14,052
Jason, come on. Snap into it!

927
01:06:14,220 --> 01:06:18,264
You're right. It doesn't matter, Dad.
What do you say? Come on!

928
01:06:25,982 --> 01:06:27,440
Hey, buddy!

929
01:06:28,442 --> 01:06:30,860
Everybody make some noise,
have some fun!

930
01:06:37,493 --> 01:06:41,162
- What's that noise?
- It's a party. Mid-terms, remember?

931
01:06:41,330 --> 01:06:43,915
They're just blowing off steam.

932
01:06:44,083 --> 01:06:45,250
You there!

933
01:06:47,044 --> 01:06:48,628
What's going on?

934
01:06:48,796 --> 01:06:52,716
The Melon man's throwing
the greatest party of all time.

935
01:06:52,883 --> 01:06:54,801
The whole world is there.

936
01:06:54,969 --> 01:06:57,971
It's the best thing
ever to happen to me!

937
01:06:58,139 --> 01:06:59,973
Oh, God!

938
01:07:05,062 --> 01:07:09,190
Look at that! Listen to that racket.
This is disgraceful.

939
01:07:09,358 --> 01:07:11,526
- I should phone Security.
- Oh, Philip.

940
01:07:17,491 --> 01:07:21,953
Good. Apparently I'm not the only one
around here with a sense of decency.

941
01:07:33,841 --> 01:07:36,134
Did you see? Where are you going?

942
01:07:36,302 --> 01:07:39,429
Intellectual curiosity.
It sounds fun. Come with me.

943
01:07:39,597 --> 01:07:42,474
- Oh, please!
- Oh, Philip!

944
01:07:46,353 --> 01:07:48,980
♪ It's a dead man's party

945
01:07:49,148 --> 01:07:51,066
♪ Who could ask for more?

946
01:07:52,193 --> 01:07:57,280
♪ Everybody's comin'
Leave your body at the door

947
01:07:57,448 --> 01:08:00,825
♪ Leave your body and soul at the door

948
01:08:01,827 --> 01:08:07,290
♪ Don't run away, it's only me

949
01:08:14,173 --> 01:08:19,511
♪ Don't run away, it's only me

950
01:08:19,678 --> 01:08:22,847
♪ Don't leave that way

951
01:08:23,015 --> 01:08:27,477
♪ You cannot see...

952
01:08:28,187 --> 01:08:31,523
- Say when!
- Right after this drink.

953
01:08:32,775 --> 01:08:34,651
Hey, what's a bath without bubbles?

954
01:08:34,819 --> 01:08:36,903
Hey, Bubbles, come over here!

955
01:08:39,657 --> 01:08:41,533
Well...

956
01:08:41,700 --> 01:08:44,452
Oh, hi there.

957
01:08:44,620 --> 01:08:47,038
- What's your favorite subject?
- Poetry.

958
01:08:47,206 --> 01:08:51,668
Really? Well, maybe you can help me
straighten out my Longfellow.

959
01:08:54,463 --> 01:08:56,673
Excuse me, have you seen
Thornton Melon?

960
01:08:56,841 --> 01:08:59,717
- Uh, I think he's in there.
- Great.

961
01:09:05,391 --> 01:09:07,725
Excuse me, has anyone seen
Thornton Melon?

962
01:09:10,187 --> 01:09:12,814
Now that's what I call marine biology!

963
01:09:13,607 --> 01:09:14,983
Diane.

964
01:09:16,861 --> 01:09:18,611
Say hello to my nieces.

965
01:09:19,613 --> 01:09:21,030
Wait a minute!

966
01:09:25,786 --> 01:09:26,828
Jason?

967
01:09:27,746 --> 01:09:30,039
I was looking all over for you.

968
01:09:30,207 --> 01:09:31,791
Jason, are you OK?

969
01:09:31,959 --> 01:09:34,085
I'm sorry about the swim meet.

970
01:09:34,253 --> 01:09:36,004
Shit.

971
01:09:36,172 --> 01:09:37,755
The swim meet.

972
01:09:37,923 --> 01:09:40,091
Think I care about the swim meet?

973
01:09:40,259 --> 01:09:43,386
It's just a stupid college game.
It's just bullshit.

974
01:09:43,554 --> 01:09:45,889
Why are you acting like this?

975
01:09:46,056 --> 01:09:48,766
- I know you don't think like that.
- You do?

976
01:09:49,935 --> 01:09:54,981
Grow up, Valerie.
You think this is real?

977
01:09:55,149 --> 01:09:57,817
College is a dream world,
something to pass the time

978
01:09:57,985 --> 01:10:00,486
until you can start buying people.

979
01:10:00,654 --> 01:10:02,780
Let's go for a walk and talk this out.

980
01:10:02,948 --> 01:10:04,490
There you are.

981
01:10:06,285 --> 01:10:07,452
Can we go? I'm bored.

982
01:10:07,620 --> 01:10:10,747
Christ, will you get
your ass outta here?

983
01:10:10,915 --> 01:10:12,790
Oh, another shit-faced Melon.

984
01:10:12,958 --> 01:10:15,001
Shall I knock your teeth
down your throat?

985
01:10:15,169 --> 01:10:18,087
Easy, Melon. Your father isn't here
to back you up this time.

986
01:10:20,090 --> 01:10:21,424
Don't!

987
01:10:26,180 --> 01:10:27,222
Are you OK?

988
01:10:27,806 --> 01:10:29,849
Jason,
I was looking for ya.

989
01:10:31,310 --> 01:10:33,895
Hey, come here! Where are you going?

990
01:10:34,063 --> 01:10:35,521
Where am I going?

991
01:10:36,649 --> 01:10:41,069
I'm leaving school. One of us has to go
and you're having a great time.

992
01:10:41,237 --> 01:10:43,196
Why? I don't get it.

993
01:10:43,364 --> 01:10:46,491
- Because you didn't win the meet?
- Not because I didn't win.

994
01:10:46,659 --> 01:10:50,995
Because Chas told me you bribed
the coach to put me on the team.

995
01:10:51,163 --> 01:10:53,039
What, and you believed him?

996
01:10:53,207 --> 01:10:56,084
I've never lied to you.
I didn't bribe the coach.

997
01:10:56,252 --> 01:10:58,962
You're on the team
because you deserve it.

998
01:10:59,129 --> 01:11:03,466
Dad, you don't get it.
Everything I have is because of you.

999
01:11:03,634 --> 01:11:06,594
Because of you, I get my
Astronomy homework done by NASA.

1000
01:11:07,972 --> 01:11:11,349
I just want the best for you.
That's all I ever wanted.

1001
01:11:14,019 --> 01:11:15,561
I did it all for you.

1002
01:11:16,563 --> 01:11:19,691
I know, but you don't know when to quit.

1003
01:11:19,858 --> 01:11:22,944
I know you came to help
and I appreciate it.

1004
01:11:23,112 --> 01:11:25,822
It's really sweet
and it's really not working.

1005
01:11:25,990 --> 01:11:29,701
- Let me do something for myself!
- I just want to see you happy.

1006
01:11:29,868 --> 01:11:31,327
Well, take a good look.

1007
01:11:32,538 --> 01:11:35,123
'Cause I was a lot happier
when I was miserable.

1008
01:11:47,845 --> 01:11:50,888
- I enjoyed reading that, Susan.
- Thanks.

1009
01:11:51,056 --> 01:11:53,433
Diane, why did you fail me?

1010
01:11:53,600 --> 01:11:56,019
I didn't, Thornton, you failed me.

1011
01:11:56,186 --> 01:11:58,521
- Was it because of last night?
- No.

1012
01:11:58,689 --> 01:12:01,607
I accept the fact that you're
completely regressed emotionally.

1013
01:12:01,775 --> 01:12:04,485
But you won't pass my course
by turning in someone else's work.

1014
01:12:05,487 --> 01:12:08,698
- You think someone else wrote this?
- I know you didn't.

1015
01:12:08,866 --> 01:12:10,366
That's what disappoints me.

1016
01:12:10,534 --> 01:12:14,370
And whoever did write it
has no idea about Kurt Vonnegut.

1017
01:12:14,538 --> 01:12:18,082
And another thing, Vonnegut,
I'm gonna stop payment on the check.

1018
01:12:18,250 --> 01:12:20,793
What's that? Fuck me?

1019
01:12:20,961 --> 01:12:24,297
Hey, Kurt, do you read lips? Fuck you!

1020
01:12:24,465 --> 01:12:28,092
Next time I'll call Robert Ludlum.

1021
01:12:30,888 --> 01:12:32,972
Derek, have you seen Jason?

1022
01:12:33,140 --> 01:12:35,600
I think he's on
a three-state killing spree.

1023
01:12:35,768 --> 01:12:39,771
Here's some more potentially bad news.
Dean Martin wants you in his office.

1024
01:12:39,938 --> 01:12:43,107
Dean Martin?

1025
01:12:43,984 --> 01:12:48,279
And she said, "Let's do it,
the room's already paid for!"

1026
01:12:52,785 --> 01:12:54,577
Oh, golly.

1027
01:12:54,745 --> 01:12:59,624
I'm afraid we have a potentially
unpleasant situation here.

1028
01:12:59,792 --> 01:13:05,338
Phil, would you repeat to Mr. Melon
the allegations that you've made to me?

1029
01:13:06,340 --> 01:13:09,592
The work you handed in is not your own.

1030
01:13:09,760 --> 01:13:12,136
I'm accusing you of academic fraud.

1031
01:13:12,304 --> 01:13:15,181
Fraud is such an ugly word.

1032
01:13:15,349 --> 01:13:19,143
Considering the financial generosity
Mr. Melon has shown

1033
01:13:19,311 --> 01:13:21,062
towards our fine university.

1034
01:13:21,230 --> 01:13:23,898
I think Mr. Melon should be expelled.

1035
01:13:26,485 --> 01:13:28,653
What are you going to do about it?

1036
01:13:30,155 --> 01:13:35,660
Well... Thornton, I'm only going to
ask you this one time,

1037
01:13:35,828 --> 01:13:38,579
is the work that you turned in your own?

1038
01:13:42,334 --> 01:13:44,001
I can't lie to you, Dean Martin.

1039
01:13:47,840 --> 01:13:49,006
Yes, it is.

1040
01:13:50,008 --> 01:13:51,509
I'm satisfied.

1041
01:13:51,677 --> 01:13:53,803
- Phil?
- I'm outraged.

1042
01:13:53,971 --> 01:13:58,975
Gee whizz, Phil, I just asked Melon
if the work was his and he said yes.

1043
01:13:59,143 --> 01:14:01,769
Now, what do you want me to do,
torture him?

1044
01:14:04,064 --> 01:14:06,524
I suggest a comprehensive
oral examination

1045
01:14:06,692 --> 01:14:09,277
conducted by all
of Mr. Melon's professors.

1046
01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:11,737
- Oral examination?
- Yes.

1047
01:14:11,905 --> 01:14:14,198
If you've done the work
you say you have,

1048
01:14:14,366 --> 01:14:16,993
there should be no problem.
Should there?

1049
01:14:19,329 --> 01:14:20,872
Hey.

1050
01:14:21,039 --> 01:14:24,125
- Jase.
- Hey, Lou, how are you doing?

1051
01:14:24,293 --> 01:14:27,044
Come here, I want to tell you something.

1052
01:14:27,212 --> 01:14:29,255
You were pretty hard
on your father last night.

1053
01:14:29,423 --> 01:14:31,883
I know, but he doesn't understand.

1054
01:14:32,050 --> 01:14:34,594
I've known your pop 30 years.
He understands.

1055
01:14:34,761 --> 01:14:38,931
He's a nice guy.
And he's tough, like me.

1056
01:14:39,099 --> 01:14:41,184
I'm nice, and I'm tough.

1057
01:14:41,351 --> 01:14:43,686
Huh? I'll give you an idea what I mean.

1058
01:14:43,854 --> 01:14:48,357
My two boys, I put one through college
and the other I put through a wall.

1059
01:14:50,110 --> 01:14:51,819
Your papa loves you, eh?

1060
01:14:53,197 --> 01:14:55,031
He's looking out for you.

1061
01:14:55,199 --> 01:14:56,824
Look out for him.

1062
01:15:02,206 --> 01:15:03,789
OK.

1063
01:15:18,597 --> 01:15:19,764
Hey.

1064
01:15:22,267 --> 01:15:23,851
What's going on?

1065
01:15:24,019 --> 01:15:28,397
I'm leaving. I'm sorry, Jason.
This college thing was a big mistake.

1066
01:15:29,733 --> 01:15:32,610
- So you're gonna give up?
- I can't win.

1067
01:15:32,778 --> 01:15:35,112
They want me to take orals
in all subjects.

1068
01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:37,448
If I don't, they'll kick me out.

1069
01:15:37,616 --> 01:15:40,201
And if I take them,
who knows where they'll kick me?

1070
01:15:43,163 --> 01:15:47,708
Remember what you told me
when I told you I wanted to quit?

1071
01:15:47,876 --> 01:15:50,836
You said a man
without an education is nothing.

1072
01:15:51,004 --> 01:15:53,422
- I can't do it, Jason.
- You can do anything.

1073
01:15:53,590 --> 01:15:58,803
You can do anything you want in life.
Remember, you're a Melon.

1074
01:16:02,849 --> 01:16:04,600
Don't quit. I'll help you.

1075
01:17:32,064 --> 01:17:34,231
Before we begin,

1076
01:17:34,399 --> 01:17:37,902
I would like to thank
each and every professor here

1077
01:17:38,070 --> 01:17:42,740
for taking time out of his/her
extremely busy schedules.

1078
01:17:42,908 --> 01:17:46,077
And a special thanks of course
to Mr. Thornton Melon

1079
01:17:46,244 --> 01:17:47,953
who I do not have to remind anyone

1080
01:17:48,121 --> 01:17:52,291
is the donor of our new
Melon School of Business.

1081
01:18:00,592 --> 01:18:02,426
We're wasting time.

1082
01:18:02,928 --> 01:18:04,428
Sorry, Phil.

1083
01:18:06,431 --> 01:18:10,559
Mr. Melon, you'll have three hours
to complete the examination.

1084
01:18:10,727 --> 01:18:15,231
If you fail any part of it,
you will be expelled.

1085
01:18:15,691 --> 01:18:18,275
Mr. Melon, do you understand?

1086
01:18:19,986 --> 01:18:22,113
- The Council of Trent!
- Excuse me?

1087
01:18:22,531 --> 01:18:25,449
- I missed a question.
- We haven't begun yet.

1088
01:18:25,617 --> 01:18:26,784
Oh.

1089
01:18:27,744 --> 01:18:30,621
Well, Dr. Barbay,
I suppose you're up first.

1090
01:18:45,303 --> 01:18:47,138
I have only one question

1091
01:18:47,305 --> 01:18:49,014
for Mr. Melon.

1092
01:18:54,146 --> 01:18:56,689
In 27 parts.

1093
01:18:59,985 --> 01:19:03,904
- I'd like to break him in 27 parts.
- Excuse me?

1094
01:19:04,072 --> 01:19:05,990
Oh, nothing, nothing.

1095
01:19:08,660 --> 01:19:11,996
Discuss the foundations
of modern global business systems.

1096
01:19:12,164 --> 01:19:14,832
Part one. Define and differentiate

1097
01:19:15,000 --> 01:19:19,003
the three economic philosophies
of capitalism, socialism and communism

1098
01:19:19,171 --> 01:19:22,506
as pertains to a) management
fundamentals,

1099
01:19:22,674 --> 01:19:24,633
b) organizing and staffing,

1100
01:19:24,801 --> 01:19:26,677
c) labor management,

1101
01:19:26,845 --> 01:19:29,555
and d) production and operations.

1102
01:19:29,723 --> 01:19:31,390
Part two.

1103
01:19:33,727 --> 01:19:38,022
- Are you getting all this, Mr. Melon?
- Yeah, it's a piece of cake.

1104
01:19:41,109 --> 01:19:42,276
Jason?

1105
01:19:48,533 --> 01:19:50,284
Valerie.

1106
01:19:50,452 --> 01:19:55,206
I wanted to apologize
for the other night

1107
01:19:55,373 --> 01:19:58,417
for my behavior, the things I said.

1108
01:19:59,669 --> 01:20:04,381
And to thank you for your behavior
and the things you said.

1109
01:20:06,718 --> 01:20:08,219
Really sorry.

1110
01:20:09,554 --> 01:20:13,057
And I'm in love with you
and have been for ages

1111
01:20:13,225 --> 01:20:15,643
and I can't believe I'm saying this.

1112
01:20:15,811 --> 01:20:19,230
And I don't wanna... embarrass you

1113
01:20:19,397 --> 01:20:22,274
or make you feel uncomfortable with me

1114
01:20:22,442 --> 01:20:25,027
but, uh...

1115
01:20:25,195 --> 01:20:30,741
I've been needing to tell you this
for a very long time.

1116
01:20:31,910 --> 01:20:33,494
Um...

1117
01:20:33,662 --> 01:20:38,332
Are you aware that that's the most
you've ever said to me at one time?

1118
01:20:38,500 --> 01:20:41,710
Oh, except for the time
when you were ravingly drunk.

1119
01:20:43,880 --> 01:20:45,714
I love you too.

1120
01:21:07,779 --> 01:21:10,698
In response to Roman numeral 27,

1121
01:21:10,866 --> 01:21:15,786
section three, part two of subset D,

1122
01:21:15,954 --> 01:21:17,496
of the question,

1123
01:21:17,664 --> 01:21:19,456
the answer is...

1124
01:21:21,793 --> 01:21:22,793
Mr. Melon?

1125
01:21:30,468 --> 01:21:33,804
- Mr. Melon?
- Hey, hey, relax.

1126
01:21:33,972 --> 01:21:36,724
This man's under a lot of pressure.
Let's take it easy.

1127
01:21:37,642 --> 01:21:39,768
Say it! Say it!

1128
01:21:41,354 --> 01:21:44,231
The answer is... four.

1129
01:21:51,364 --> 01:21:52,448
Right.

1130
01:21:59,664 --> 01:22:00,998
Dr. Turner?

1131
01:22:06,546 --> 01:22:10,633
Hold it. That's it.
I can't take it no more.

1132
01:22:11,217 --> 01:22:13,302
I feel like I just gave birth.

1133
01:22:13,470 --> 01:22:15,304
To an accountant.

1134
01:22:16,806 --> 01:22:18,140
Wait a minute, Thornton.

1135
01:22:30,695 --> 01:22:35,574
Thornton, do you remember when we
discussed the Dylan Thomas poem,

1136
01:22:35,742 --> 01:22:38,035
Do not Go Gentle
into that Good Night?

1137
01:22:38,703 --> 01:22:41,747
I don't know. No.

1138
01:22:41,915 --> 01:22:45,042
- Maybe.
- Thornton, think.

1139
01:22:45,210 --> 01:22:46,377
What's going on here?

1140
01:22:47,837 --> 01:22:51,215
Philip, relax. It's my turn.

1141
01:22:55,720 --> 01:22:57,012
Do you remember it?

1142
01:22:58,390 --> 01:23:03,060
"Do not go gentle into...

1143
01:23:03,228 --> 01:23:04,895
into that good night,

1144
01:23:06,773 --> 01:23:09,608
Old age should burn and rage

1145
01:23:09,776 --> 01:23:13,404
at... at close of day;

1146
01:23:13,571 --> 01:23:16,907
Rage... rage against
the dying of the light.

1147
01:23:17,951 --> 01:23:20,411
Wild men who court
and sang the sun in flight,

1148
01:23:20,578 --> 01:23:25,082
And learned, too late,
they grieved it on its way,

1149
01:23:25,250 --> 01:23:27,376
Do not go gentle to that good night."

1150
01:23:28,795 --> 01:23:33,799
"Grave men, near death,
who see with blinding sight,

1151
01:23:33,967 --> 01:23:37,261
Blind eyes could blaze
like meteors and be gay,

1152
01:23:37,429 --> 01:23:41,390
Rage, rage against
the dying of the light.

1153
01:23:41,558 --> 01:23:43,600
And you, my father,

1154
01:23:43,768 --> 01:23:46,353
there on the sad height,

1155
01:23:46,521 --> 01:23:51,275
Curse, bless me now
with your fierce tears I pray.

1156
01:23:51,443 --> 01:23:53,777
Do not go gentle into that good night

1157
01:23:53,945 --> 01:23:57,948
Rage, rage against
the dying of the light."

1158
01:23:58,908 --> 01:24:00,784
Thornton, what does that poem
mean to you?

1159
01:24:01,619 --> 01:24:05,289
It means...
I don't take shit from no one.

1160
01:24:07,125 --> 01:24:11,920
I'm gonna pass this test.
I'm staying in school. Who's next?

1161
01:24:15,884 --> 01:24:18,802
Now diving
for the Atlantic Eastern Seagulls,

1162
01:24:18,970 --> 01:24:22,431
current conference champion,
Doug Nelson.

1163
01:24:22,599 --> 01:24:24,725
What do you almost never see?

1164
01:24:24,893 --> 01:24:26,810
Somebody heckling a diver.

1165
01:24:41,326 --> 01:24:42,951
All right, kid.

1166
01:24:44,496 --> 01:24:47,998
Please refrain from
making loud noises during the dives.

1167
01:24:50,502 --> 01:24:53,921
Next up for the
Atlantic Eastern Seagulls

1168
01:24:54,089 --> 01:24:56,340
Bill Steincap.

1169
01:25:15,235 --> 01:25:19,196
That concludes
Atlantic Eastern's ten-meter dives.

1170
01:25:19,364 --> 01:25:21,865
Next up, Grand Lakes Hooters.

1171
01:25:24,911 --> 01:25:28,747
I'd like to remind you that tickets
to all Grand Lakes sporting events

1172
01:25:28,915 --> 01:25:31,875
are available from
the student services office.

1173
01:25:32,043 --> 01:25:34,419
Were you interested in Valerie Desmond?

1174
01:25:34,587 --> 01:25:35,921
She's with me.

1175
01:25:37,215 --> 01:25:39,716
Coming into your own, are you, Melon?

1176
01:25:39,884 --> 01:25:43,095
I wouldn't break my arm
patting myself on the back.

1177
01:25:43,263 --> 01:25:46,807
Because get this, towel boy.
No matter what you think,

1178
01:25:46,975 --> 01:25:51,186
you will always be a crude, obnoxious,
nouveau-riche little fleeb.

1179
01:25:51,354 --> 01:25:53,522
You'll end up like your father.

1180
01:25:54,190 --> 01:25:57,526
God, I hope so.
'Cause I love the guy.

1181
01:25:58,319 --> 01:26:00,863
First up for
Grand Lakes University,

1182
01:26:01,030 --> 01:26:02,739
Chas Osbourne,

1183
01:26:02,907 --> 01:26:05,492
former national high school champion.

1184
01:26:06,703 --> 01:26:07,870
There he is.

1185
01:26:33,938 --> 01:26:34,938
Jason dive yet?

1186
01:26:35,106 --> 01:26:37,441
- No. Did you pass?
- They're letting me know.

1187
01:26:37,609 --> 01:26:40,235
Now diving
for Grand Lakes University,

1188
01:26:40,403 --> 01:26:42,404
Jason Melon.

1189
01:27:02,467 --> 01:27:04,468
Attaboy, Jason, you did it!

1190
01:27:15,688 --> 01:27:18,148
Can you believe it? We could win.

1191
01:27:18,983 --> 01:27:22,569
Melon's dive has
put the Hooters back in this meet.

1192
01:27:22,737 --> 01:27:25,364
- Ow!
- What's the matter?

1193
01:27:26,908 --> 01:27:28,533
You're up next, Chas.

1194
01:27:31,537 --> 01:27:35,874
I have got a really bad cramp.
I've been having cramps all week.

1195
01:27:36,042 --> 01:27:39,294
- It's probably menstrual.
- Screw you, Melon.

1196
01:27:42,674 --> 01:27:45,676
Coach Turnbull,
you got another eligible diver?

1197
01:27:48,846 --> 01:27:49,846
Melon!

1198
01:27:53,184 --> 01:27:55,727
Melon, we need ya!

1199
01:27:55,895 --> 01:27:57,354
Get your suit on!

1200
01:27:57,522 --> 01:27:59,147
Go ahead.

1201
01:27:59,315 --> 01:28:02,859
The shape I'm in, you could donate
my body to science fiction.

1202
01:28:03,027 --> 01:28:05,237
Get your suit on. We need ya!

1203
01:28:05,405 --> 01:28:08,699
Come on, pal. Show them what you got.

1204
01:28:08,866 --> 01:28:11,910
Melon! We need ya!

1205
01:28:16,082 --> 01:28:20,460
Now diving in substitution
for Grand Lakes University,

1206
01:28:20,628 --> 01:28:22,629
Thornton Melon!

1207
01:28:25,008 --> 01:28:29,678
He... He's on my substitute roster,
but I don't have it right now.

1208
01:28:29,846 --> 01:28:33,390
But what I'll do, first chance I get,

1209
01:28:33,558 --> 01:28:35,142
I'll bring it to you.

1210
01:28:53,536 --> 01:28:58,707
- What dive is he gonna do?
- The Triple Lindy.

1211
01:28:58,875 --> 01:29:01,960
Melon!
Melon! Melon! Melon!

1212
01:29:02,128 --> 01:29:04,421
Melon! Melon! Melon! Melon!

1213
01:29:04,589 --> 01:29:07,883
Melon! Melon! Melon!

1214
01:29:08,051 --> 01:29:10,260
There will be an additional
spring board installed

1215
01:29:10,428 --> 01:29:11,928
for Melon's dive,

1216
01:29:12,096 --> 01:29:14,556
- the Triple Lindy.
- Is that hard?

1217
01:29:14,724 --> 01:29:15,932
It's impossible.

1218
01:30:45,565 --> 01:30:47,065
You did it!

1219
01:30:47,233 --> 01:30:50,026
- That was great.
- Told you!

1220
01:30:53,781 --> 01:30:56,950
Oh, you were great! That was incredible.

1221
01:30:57,118 --> 01:30:59,202
I guess there's nothing you can't do.

1222
01:30:59,370 --> 01:31:01,746
I've got the results of your exams.

1223
01:31:01,914 --> 01:31:04,916
- Do I wanna hear them?
- You passed. All Ds.

1224
01:31:05,084 --> 01:31:06,376
And an A.

1225
01:31:06,544 --> 01:31:08,879
- Who gave me the A?
- I did.

1226
01:31:09,922 --> 01:31:12,340
I would like to
introduce our speaker.

1227
01:31:12,508 --> 01:31:17,471
This is the first time in the history
of this fine institution

1228
01:31:17,638 --> 01:31:20,223
that a freshman has given this address.

1229
01:31:20,975 --> 01:31:25,812
Mr. Thornton Melon.

1230
01:31:35,781 --> 01:31:38,658
Thank you very much.
Thank you, Dean Martin,

1231
01:31:38,826 --> 01:31:42,329
President Sinclair,
and members of the graduating class.

1232
01:31:42,497 --> 01:31:45,081
I have only one thing to say to you.

1233
01:31:45,249 --> 01:31:49,252
It's a jungle out there.
You gotta look out for number one.

1234
01:31:49,420 --> 01:31:51,588
But don't step in number two.

1235
01:31:53,591 --> 01:31:58,428
And so, to all you graduates,
as you go out into the world,

1236
01:31:58,596 --> 01:32:00,597
my advice to you is

1237
01:32:00,765 --> 01:32:02,432
don't go!

1238
01:32:02,600 --> 01:32:05,352
It's rough out there.
Move back with your parents.

1239
01:32:05,520 --> 01:32:07,771
Let them worry about it.

1240
01:32:22,328 --> 01:32:26,289
♪ What you want
Baby, I got it

1241
01:32:26,457 --> 01:32:28,416
- ♪ What you need
- ♪ Ooh

1242
01:32:28,584 --> 01:32:30,627
- ♪ You know I got it
- ♪ Ooh

1243
01:32:30,795 --> 01:32:32,754
- ♪ All I'm askin'
- ♪ Ooh

1244
01:32:32,922 --> 01:32:34,881
♪ Is for a little respect
when you come home

1245
01:32:35,049 --> 01:32:36,424
- ♪ Just a little bit
- ♪ Hey, baby

1246
01:32:36,592 --> 01:32:37,551
♪ Just a little bit

1247
01:32:37,718 --> 01:32:39,761
- ♪ Come home
- ♪ Just a little bit

1248
01:32:39,929 --> 01:32:42,973
- ♪ Mister
- ♪ Just a little bit

1249
01:32:43,140 --> 01:32:44,975
♪ I ain't gonna do you wrong

1250
01:32:45,142 --> 01:32:47,227
♪ While you're gone

1251
01:32:47,395 --> 01:32:49,187
- ♪ I ain't gonna do you wrong
- ♪ Ooh

1252
01:32:49,355 --> 01:32:51,439
- ♪ 'Cause I don't wanna
- ♪ Ooh

1253
01:32:51,607 --> 01:32:53,483
- ♪ All I'm askin'
- ♪ Ooh

1254
01:32:53,651 --> 01:32:55,652
♪ Is for a little respect
when you come home

1255
01:32:55,820 --> 01:32:57,279
- ♪ Just a little bit
- ♪ Baby

1256
01:32:57,446 --> 01:32:58,405
♪ Just a little bit

1257
01:32:58,573 --> 01:33:00,282
- ♪ When you get home
- ♪ Just a little bit

1258
01:33:00,449 --> 01:33:03,451
- ♪ Yeah
- ♪ Just a little bit

1259
01:33:03,619 --> 01:33:05,620
♪ I'm about to give you

1260
01:33:05,788 --> 01:33:07,998
♪ All of my money

1261
01:33:08,165 --> 01:33:09,833
♪ And all I'm askin'

1262
01:33:10,001 --> 01:33:12,043
♪ In return, honey

1263
01:33:12,211 --> 01:33:14,838
♪ Is to give me my propers

1264
01:33:15,006 --> 01:33:17,090
- ♪ When you get home
- ♪ Just a, just a, just a

1265
01:33:17,258 --> 01:33:18,675
- ♪ Yeah, baby
- ♪ Just a, just a, just a

1266
01:33:18,843 --> 01:33:20,927
- ♪ When you get home
- ♪ Just a little bit

1267
01:33:21,095 --> 01:33:24,014
- ♪ Yeah
- ♪ Just a little bit

1268
01:33:40,031 --> 01:33:42,115
♪ Ooh, your kisses

1269
01:33:42,283 --> 01:33:44,075
- ♪ Ooh
- ♪ Sweeter than honey

1270
01:33:44,243 --> 01:33:46,244
- ♪ Ooh
- ♪ And guess what?

1271
01:33:46,412 --> 01:33:49,164
- ♪ Ooh
- ♪ So is my money

1272
01:33:49,332 --> 01:33:51,708
- ♪ All I want you to do for me
- ♪ Ooh

1273
01:33:51,876 --> 01:33:53,543
♪ Is give it to me when you get
home

1274
01:33:53,711 --> 01:33:55,545
- ♪ Re, re, re, re
- ♪ Yeah, baby

1275
01:33:55,713 --> 01:33:57,172
- ♪ Whip it to me
- ♪ Respect

1276
01:33:57,340 --> 01:33:58,673
- ♪ Just a little bit
- ♪ When you get home

1277
01:33:58,841 --> 01:34:00,842
- ♪ Now
- ♪ Just a little bit

1278
01:34:01,010 --> 01:34:02,886
♪ R - E - S - P - E - C - T

1279
01:34:03,054 --> 01:34:04,888
♪ Find out what it means to me

1280
01:34:05,056 --> 01:34:07,140
♪ R - E - S - P - E - C - T

1281
01:34:07,308 --> 01:34:08,892
♪ Take care, TCB, oh!

1282
01:34:09,060 --> 01:34:10,477
♪ Sock it to me, sock it to me

1283
01:34:10,645 --> 01:34:13,063
- ♪ A little respect
- ♪ Sock it to me, sock it to me

1284
01:34:13,230 --> 01:34:14,564
- ♪ Whoa, babe
- ♪ Just a little bit

1285
01:34:14,732 --> 01:34:16,858
- ♪ A little respect
- ♪ Just a little bit

1286
01:34:17,026 --> 01:34:18,693
- ♪ I get tired
- ♪ Just a little bit

1287
01:34:18,861 --> 01:34:20,779
- ♪ Keep on tryin'
- ♪ Just a little bit

1288
01:34:20,946 --> 01:34:22,822
- ♪ You're runnin' out of foolin'
- ♪ Just a little bit

1289
01:34:22,990 --> 01:34:25,408
- ♪ And I ain't lyin'
- ♪ Just a little bit

1290
01:34:25,576 --> 01:34:26,910
- ♪ Re, re, re, re
- ♪ Respect

1291
01:34:27,078 --> 01:34:28,953
- ♪ When you come home
- ♪ Re, re, re, re

1292
01:34:29,121 --> 01:34:30,914
- ♪ Or you might walk in
- ♪ Respect, just a little bit

1293
01:34:31,082 --> 01:34:33,500
- ♪ And find out I'm gone
- ♪ Just a little bit... ♪

1294
01:34:46,013 --> 01:34:48,890
♪ It's your life
and I'm not gonna live it

1295
01:34:49,058 --> 01:34:51,851
♪ A change is coming and it's overdue

1296
01:34:52,019 --> 01:34:54,938
♪ I'm gonna take you over the limit

1297
01:34:55,106 --> 01:34:57,315
♪ You know I'm only
looking out for you

1298
01:34:57,483 --> 01:35:02,612
♪ Get lucky, I get lucky

1299
01:35:03,656 --> 01:35:08,284
♪ And I'll see you get lucky too

1300
01:35:10,204 --> 01:35:12,956
♪ I'll be there
when you get there right

1301
01:35:13,124 --> 01:35:16,084
♪ That's the beauty of living my life

1302
01:35:16,252 --> 01:35:21,798
♪ Hold on baby,
I'm taking you back to school

1303
01:35:21,966 --> 01:35:25,135
♪ When logic has gone,
don't lose your head

1304
01:35:25,302 --> 01:35:28,221
♪ You just turn to me instead

1305
01:35:28,389 --> 01:35:33,685
♪ Hold on, baby,
now here we go back to school

1306
01:35:33,853 --> 01:35:35,103
♪ Here we go

1307
01:35:40,818 --> 01:35:43,778
♪ I gonna wear a big school letter

1308
01:35:43,946 --> 01:35:46,656
♪ I'm gonna write poetry

1309
01:35:46,824 --> 01:35:49,659
♪ Why don't you take off
that big, blue sweater?

1310
01:35:49,827 --> 01:35:52,078
♪ Come on, we'll make history

1311
01:35:52,246 --> 01:35:57,250
♪ Get lucky, I get lucky

1312
01:35:58,836 --> 01:36:04,799
♪ I'll see you get lucky too

1313
01:36:04,967 --> 01:36:07,802
♪ I'll be there when you get me right

1314
01:36:07,970 --> 01:36:10,847
♪ That's the beauty of living my life

1315
01:36:11,015 --> 01:36:16,478
♪ Hold on, baby,
I'm taking you back to school

1316
01:36:16,645 --> 01:36:20,023
♪ When logic has gone,
don't lose your head

1317
01:36:20,191 --> 01:36:22,859
♪ You just turn to me instead

1318
01:36:23,027 --> 01:36:28,031
♪ Hold on, baby,
now here we go back to school ♪