1
00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:32,115
RODRICK: (WHISPERING) Greg?

2
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,826
GREG: (GROGGILY) Mmm.

3
00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:37,453
(IN SINGSONG) Greg?

4
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:38,621
What?

5
00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:40,123
Greg!
Huh?

6
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:41,541
What?

7
00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:42,667
What are you doing?
Get up!

8
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,043
Mom and Dad
have been
calling you for an hour.

9
00:00:44,128 --> 00:00:46,003
You're about to be late
for your first day
of middle school.

10
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:47,422
What?

11
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,049
Oh, geez!
How did that happen?

12
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,676
Go, go, go!
Mom's about to flip out!

13
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,262
She sent me to get you
while she waits in the car!

14
00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:33,760
(EXCLAIMS)

15
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:37,597
What are you doing?
What's going on?

16
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:39,849
Getting ready for...

17
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,893
(HOOTING)

18
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:46,898
...school.

19
00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:49,901
Are you insane?
School doesn't start
till next week.

20
00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:53,946
And, FYI,
school doesn't start
at 4:00 in the morning!

21
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:57,450
You woke up Manny.
And if he doesn't
go back down...

22
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:58,618
Good morning!

23
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:01,454
There is no way
he is going back down.

24
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,122
I just wanted to
sleep till 6:00.

25
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:04,165
Bubby!

26
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:05,374
FRANK: Go to bed.
I got him.

27
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,960
Greg, what are you doing up
making all this noise?

28
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,505
It was Rodrick!
He woke me up!

29
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,632
He changed my clock!

30
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:14,258
(SNORING)

31
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,594
But I swear,
he was just...

32
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,012
Go to bed.

33
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,309
What is that smell?
I can't
even identify it.

34
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,409
Bubby!

35
00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:46,374
(GRUNTS)

36
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:47,458
(GIGGLING)

37
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:52,088
KIDS: Happy Birthday!

38
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,589
Here, Bubby.

39
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,842
GREG: Wow! Look at the size
of that flamethrower!

40
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:08,604
Okay, first of all,
let me get
something straight.

41
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,190
This is a journal,
not a diary.

42
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,527
Yeah, I know
what it says
on the cover.

43
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,988
But when my mom went out
to buy this thing,

44
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:20,533
I specifically told her
not to buy one
that said "diary" on it.

45
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:24,787
This just proves
Mom doesn't understand
anything about kids my age.

46
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,290
Huh?
Sissy!

47
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,502
The only reason I agreed
to write in this thing
is because

48
00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:33,963
when I'm rich and famous
I'll have
better things to do

49
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,549
than answer
people's stupid questions
all day long.

50
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,509
Gregory, tell us
about your childhood!

51
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,887
Were you always so smart
and handsome?

52
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:43,264
Here's my journal.
Now, shoo, shoo.

53
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,311
SUSAN:
That's our boy up there.

54
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,521
Why did I ever say
no to him?

55
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:51,606
Mom got me this thing

56
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:54,442
so I could write down
my feelings about
starting middle school.

57
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,527
But I'm gonna be fine.

58
00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:59,447
It's my best friend,
Rowley Jefferson,
I'm worried about.

59
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,741
He's definitely not
middle school ready.

60
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,784
Geronimo!

61
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:06,704
(WHOOPS)

62
00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:10,791
He's not quite clear
on the concept
of growing up.

63
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:14,754
I want a puppy, a kitty,
a gumball machine...

64
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,757
But anyway, this is
about me, not Rowley.

65
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:20,593
I always figured
they'd make a movie
about my life.

66
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,763
But I didn't think
they'd start
the story here.

67
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:27,016
Because, seriously,
who wants to see a movie
about a kid

68
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,977
who's stuck in middle school
with a bunch of morons?

69
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,154
(ALARM BUZZING)

70
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,116
(GROANS)

71
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,126
(RODRICK EXCLAIMING)

72
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:57,171
Three days, no shower.
Smell the love!

73
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,215
Let me go, Rodrick!

74
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:00,841
(GROANS)

75
00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:03,803
Come on.
We're just having
some fun, right?

76
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,680
No, okay. So, look.

77
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:09,350
Mom asked me
to give you some advice
about middle school.

78
00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:12,269
It's real simple.

79
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:15,606
Don't talk to anyone.
Don't look at anyone.
Don't go anywhere.

80
00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:19,986
Don't sit down.
Don't raise your hand.
Don't go to the bathroom.

81
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:24,156
Don't get noticed.
Don't choose
the wrong locker. Don't...

82
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,784
Who am I kidding?

83
00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:29,745
You'll be dead
or homeschooled by
the end of the year, anyway.

84
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,164
And don't be seen
with Rowley.

85
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:43,175
(EXCLAIMING)

86
00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:45,845
Manny, stop it! Mom!

87
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,013
RODRICK: Thanks for
the eggs, Mom.

88
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,514
Frank?
Greg?

89
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,224
I think it's gross
and undignified

90
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:53,144
that I have to eat breakfast
next to him on the potty.

91
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,604
Okay, well, it's your fault
he's still potty training.

92
00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:57,481
Don't look down, Manny.

93
00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:01,068
The potty monster
doesn't like it
when you look at him.

94
00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:02,153
(SCREAMS)

95
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:04,196
I was just joking with him.

96
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:07,575
Okay. Kiss him you're sorry
and then let's get a move on.

97
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:10,327
Can't be late for
your first day of school.

98
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:17,752
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

99
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:29,180
GREG: Let me just say
for the record that I think
middle school may be

100
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,307
the dumbest idea
ever invented.

101
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,768
You got kids like me
who haven't hit
their growth spurt yet

102
00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,937
mixed in with gorillas
who have to shave twice a day.

103
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:41,984
There's juvenile delinquents
and weirdos.

104
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:44,487
I'm smaller than about
95% of the kids
at my school...

105
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:45,863
CHIRAG:
Give it back! Stop!

106
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:49,033
...so thank God
for Chirag Gupta.

107
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,117
It's mine! Stop!

108
00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,243
Can I have
the backpack?

109
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,578
You got to jump higher.
It's not yours!

110
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,955
He's an excellent buffer
between me and these morons.

111
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,665
Hey, Greg.

112
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,543
Hey, fella!

113
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:03,339
Seriously, I don't know
what happened to these kids
over the summer.

114
00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,009
Was there a nuclear accident?

115
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,679
Science experiment
gone bad?

116
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:15,184
Thank God there are a few
normal people or this place
would be a total freak show.

117
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,981
If you're as discriminating
as I am,

118
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:25,194
it can be tough to figure out
where to sit on your first day
of middle school.

119
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,529
One bad move

120
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:30,116
and you're stuck
next to some idiot
for the rest of the year.

121
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,200
(SNIFFLING)

122
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,541
ROWLEY: Greg!

123
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,628
Remember how I said
Rowley wasn't
middle school ready?

124
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,965
Well, there you go.

125
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,008
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

126
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,638
What are you wearing?

127
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:56,976
My family just got back
from Guatemala!
It's my serape!

128
00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,479
Nice, huh?

129
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:04,942
All right, class,
I'm Mrs. Flint.
Everybody take your seats!

130
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,320
(GROANS)

131
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:11,323
Welcome to your first day
of middle school.

132
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:14,076
Remember your seats.
You'll be sitting here
every day.

133
00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,913
Rowley, if you
had to say where
you were ranked

134
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,749
in terms of
popularity
from one to 200,

135
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,418
where would you
put yourself?

136
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:25,421
Is 200 good or bad?

137
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:29,300
I'd say you're somewhere
around the 154 mark.

138
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,095
I'd put myself
around number 19 or 20.

139
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:37,183
I might even have a shot
at the top spot
by the end of the year,

140
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,268
if things go the way
I think they will.

141
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,395
Well, who's at the bottom?

142
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,899
Hey, guys, wanna see
my secret freckle?

143
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:46,025
(BOTH GROAN)

144
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:49,904
GREG: Fregley.
Sent home for hygiene issues
at least once a month.

145
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,703
Check it out.
It's got a hair in it!

146
00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:00,456
What color is that?

147
00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:05,377
You wanna help me name it?

148
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:08,088
All right, ladies!
Gather around!

149
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,925
Come on,
put the knitting down!
Let's go!

150
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,721
All right, everybody.

151
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:18,724
I'm Coach Malone
and I am your gym teacher.

152
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,559
P. E. Is as much
a part of my life

153
00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:23,729
as waking up in the morning
and going to the bathroom.

154
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:27,399
I live and breathe
Physical Education.

155
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:29,568
Now, who's with me?

156
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:30,945
Are you ready to have
some fun out there?

157
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,071
Yeah!

158
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,906
MALONE:
All right, outstanding!

159
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,407
So we're gonna
divide you up
into two teams.

160
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:38,494
So you two, over here.
You, you, you, this way.

161
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,871
Yeah, you three,
this side. Good.

162
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,874
You guys are going to
be Shirts!

163
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,795
And you will be Skins.

164
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,801
Why are we Skins?
I hate this.

165
00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:56,720
He's just trying to make
kids like us feel bad.

166
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,347
What do you mean,
kids like us?

167
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,266
I just don't want
to get a sunburn,
right, Rowley?

168
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:03,435
(IN ROBOTIC VOICE)
My name is Bell E. Button.

169
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,728
What's yours?

170
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:10,526
Okay, let's start off
with a little game
I like to call Gladiator.

171
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,152
(BOYS EXCLAIMING)

172
00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,696
BOY 1: I got this one!
BOY 2: No!

173
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:15,990
BOY 3: Take that!

174
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:17,199
(GRUNTS)

175
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,493
(NEVER MISS A BEAT PLAYING)

176
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:25,958
Cover me!

177
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,381
Oh, God.

178
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,680
Not good!

179
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,641
We're never going
to be able to
outrun these guys!

180
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:43,809
We don't have to
outrun them!

181
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,728
We just have to
outrun Chirag!

182
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,188
Take a look,
take a look,
take a look

183
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,898
At the kids on the street

184
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,483
No, they never miss a beat

185
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:55,946
Never miss a beat

186
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,660
Think they saw us?
No way.

187
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,079
They were focused on
getting that kid
with the limp.

188
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,998
We'll hide here
for the rest
of the class

189
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,250
because I'm not
playing that game.

190
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,543
It's not fair.

191
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,962
He's got all
the Neanderthals
on the same team.

192
00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:13,047
It's barbaric!

193
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:15,257
ANGIE: It's completely
barbaric.

194
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,887
This place is an
intellectual wasteland.

195
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,638
But, you know,
it's nice to
meet someone

196
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,641
more interested
in his mind
than in his body.

197
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:28,437
You girls get to jump rope.
What are you doing hiding?

198
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,314
Avoiding the pain.

199
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,692
It all starts
in middle school,
you know?

200
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:36,278
You're not a kid anymore.
The coddling has stopped.

201
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:40,574
Kids are now separated
by intelligence.
The weak are picked on.

202
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:45,704
And girls you've known
since kindergarten won't
even talk to you anymore.

203
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:49,333
Okay, well,
sounds like you got it
all figured out,

204
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,543
so go back
to your book.

205
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,879
This place is
a glorified holding pen.

206
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:57,633
MALONE: All the way!
All the way!
You're like a machine!

207
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:58,884
ANGIE: It's where
adults put you

208
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:03,055
as you make that
awkward transition
between child and teenager

209
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,641
so they don't even
have to look at you.

210
00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:08,644
Hi. I'm Angie.

211
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,897
Great story.
We're gonna go now.

212
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:14,566
Why? This is
a good spot.

213
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,819
It's a perfect spot.

214
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,154
I survived all of
the sixth grade here.

215
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,657
And I would enjoy
some like-minded company

216
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,784
to get me through
the seventh.

217
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:27,079
Is that the whistle?
I think I hear the whistle.

218
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,205
We need to go.

219
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,707
MALONE: No showboating,
all right?

220
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:32,251
Why are we leaving?

221
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,336
We could get killed
out here in the open!

222
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:37,339
Put your shirt on.
They'll think
we're on their team.

223
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:41,468
Besides, getting crushed
is better than being seen
with that freak job.

224
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:44,471
Trust me, you can't
recover from
social suicide.

225
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,850
I never talked to a girl
that long before.

226
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,436
Whoa!

227
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,355
Check that out.

228
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,993
Is that cheese?

229
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,834
Stop!

230
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:18,130
Good God, man!
You almost got
the Cheese Touch.

231
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:19,631
The what?

232
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:21,383
The Cheese Touch.

233
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,635
Nobody knows
when or how,

234
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:28,390
but one day that cheese
mysteriously appeared
on the blacktop.

235
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,685
Nobody knew
who it belonged to.

236
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:35,564
Nobody touched it.
Nobody threw it away.

237
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,191
And so there it sat,

238
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:40,694
growing more foul
and powerful by the day.

239
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:43,697
Then one day,
a kid named Darren Walsh

240
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:46,492
made the biggest mistake
of his life.

241
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,161
Darren touched
the cheese!

242
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,331
No, I didn't!
I just looked at it!
Really!

243
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:55,167
CHIRAG: Darren had
the Cheese Touch!

244
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:58,045
It was worse
than nuclear cooties.

245
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,173
He became an outcast.

246
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:02,299
(CRYING)

247
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:05,719
The only way to get rid
of the Cheese Touch

248
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:08,597
was by passing it on
to someone else.

249
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:12,809
(SCREAMS)

250
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:16,688
And so began
the Cheese Touch Frenzy.

251
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,857
Friend turning on friend.

252
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,609
Brother turning on sister.

253
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,569
It was madness.

254
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:28,617
Until a German
exchange student named
Dieter Muller took it away.

255
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,494
Dieter has
the Cheese Touch!

256
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,246
Ze Cheese Touch?

257
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,914
Vat is it?

258
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,375
Vat does it mean,
ze Cheese Touch??

259
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:40,420
Sadly for Dieter,
that fact
was lost in translation.

260
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,172
Nooooooooo!

261
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:45,300
Thankfully, he moved back
to D�sseldorf and took
the Cheese Touch with him.

262
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:53,559
And so the cheese sits,
patiently waiting
for its next victim.

263
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:55,477
Wow.
Wow.

264
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,022
This is
a terrible place.

265
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,335
No doors?

266
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,420
None.

267
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:24,172
I'm not pooping
until I'm in
high school.

268
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:29,386
GREG: The cafeteria,
possibly the cruelest place
on Earth.

269
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:33,724
But I was about
to make some kid's day
by sitting next to him.

270
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,142
That seat's saved.

271
00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,227
For who?

272
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:38,812
It's saved.

273
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:43,358
That one's saved, too.

274
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,320
So not happening.

275
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,571
Uh-uh-uh.

276
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:49,531
Taken.

277
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,577
Where are we
supposed to eat?

278
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:07,716
I guess this is where
all the cool guys hang out.

279
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:10,802
(SNEEZES)

280
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:18,060
Fregley must have bumped
his head when he was little,
like, really hard.

281
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:21,647
(BURPS)

282
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,529
Okay, okay,

283
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:32,491
so my first day
could have gone better,

284
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,534
but at least
I wasn't humiliated.

285
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:38,455
Hey, Greg!
You want to come over
and play?

286
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,249
(KIDS LAUGHING)

287
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,963
What did he just
say to you?

288
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,298
Oh.

289
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:49,675
I think my ride's here.

290
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:53,428
Hey, guys.
So this guy
says to that guy,

291
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,765
"You wanna
come over and play?"

292
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,850
Yeah! Do you guys
wanna play with us?

293
00:16:58,935 --> 00:16:59,976
(BOYS LAUGHING)

294
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:02,062
See? This is the problem.

295
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:05,065
Right now I have to take abuse
from these morons.

296
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:08,527
But in 20 years,
Quentin here
will be working for me.

297
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:11,738
Greg, please don't fire me.

298
00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:15,617
I really need
my measly, pathetic job
scooping your dog's poop.

299
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,494
Whatever.
I'll think about it.

300
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:22,332
No, no, no.
Vanilla on the bottom
and chocolate on the top!

301
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,126
I can't eat this!

302
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,628
"Play," Rowley? "Play"?

303
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,046
I've told you, like,
a billion times

304
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:31,091
that guys our age say
"hang out," not "play."

305
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,384
Oops.

306
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:35,554
Seriously, if you're not
gonna listen to me,
just tell me,

307
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,931
'cause if you
pull another stunt
like that,

308
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,725
we'll be stuck on
the cafeteria floor

309
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,893
for the rest of
middle school.

310
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,271
I found half
a Snickers bar
down there.

311
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:47,941
I can't be the guy
who eats off his lap
in the cafeteria.

312
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:50,527
I should be at the top
of the food chain by now.

313
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:53,280
Something's got to
change, fast.

314
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:56,324
My mom told me
to just be myself and
people would like me.

315
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:04,249
That would be good advice
if you were somebody else.

316
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,131
(LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

317
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:22,309
Hey, little brother.

318
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,978
Was your first day as crappy
as I said it would be?

319
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:28,356
No. Not at all.
You were wrong.

320
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,649
It was actually
better than I...

321
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,942
Worse.

322
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,360
(CHUCKLES)

323
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,488
You didn't listen to me,
did you?

324
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:38,492
I told you not to talk,
look or go anywhere,
and what happened?

325
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:40,994
He had to eat his lunch
on the floor.

326
00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:42,120
Rowley.

327
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,580
(LAUGHING) Perfect.

328
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,207
And if nobody wants you
sitting at their table,

329
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,793
you think they want
Chummy Buttons over here?

330
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:51,671
I was right. You're not even
gonna make it
out of there alive.

331
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,673
The only chance you have
of making the yearbook is

332
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:56,134
when they dedicate it
to your memory.

333
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:03,934
So you wanna play
Twisted Wizard?

334
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,729
No. I have
a better idea.

335
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:13,109
If he catches you in here,
he will kill you.

336
00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:14,861
Literally, kill you.

337
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:17,781
Don't worry.
As long as we hear the music,
we're okay.

338
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:18,990
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

339
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:21,660
Whoa. Yeah. Wow.

340
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:24,663
I didn't know Rodrick
was into motorcycles.

341
00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:25,956
I found it.

342
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,290
Found what?

343
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,709
Rodrick's middle school
yearbook.

344
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,672
This thing holds
all the answers.

345
00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:35,924
Rowley, this thing
is like a bible.

346
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:39,511
See this? This is where
a person like me
needs to be.

347
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,850
The class favorites.

348
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,562
They're the best
in their class.

349
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:52,190
These people
aren't nobodies.
They're famous.

350
00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:55,694
They don't have to worry
about getting a seat
in the cafeteria, either.

351
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:58,864
Check this out.
There's tons of things
I qualify for.

352
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:02,450
"Most Likely To Succeed,"
"Best Looking,"
"Class Clown."

353
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,870
They should just
give that to me right now.

354
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,913
Don't you have to be
funny for that?

355
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:10,500
Hey! We could try
for cutest friends!

356
00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:13,920
What did I tell you
would happen if you ever
went in my room again?

357
00:20:14,005 --> 00:20:16,339
But your band
is still playing.

358
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,425
It's the bass solo,
Turd Burglar!

359
00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:20,218
Don't you know anything
about music?

360
00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:23,555
Now, I came up here
to get a new drumstick,

361
00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:27,100
and now, Greg,
since Mom and Dad
are gone,

362
00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:30,979
I'm going to kill you.
Literally, kill you!

363
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,564
I told you.

364
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:33,732
Beat it.

365
00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:37,903
Okay, but I just want
to say one thing!

366
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,738
Run, Greg, run!
What?

367
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,158
Let go, Baby Hippo!

368
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,496
(LAUGHING)

369
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,666
You're gonna have to
come out sometime, loser!

370
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,252
I'll wait here
as long as it takes.

371
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:56,504
And then, you're dead.

372
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,978
Time out, Rodrick.
I have to pee.

373
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:15,190
(CHUCKLES) No time outs.
Only death!

374
00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:17,150
But I really
have to go.

375
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,610
Don't care.

376
00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:32,540
(WATER GURGLING)

377
00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:42,509
(GURGLING)

378
00:21:58,109 --> 00:21:59,401
(EXCLAIMS)

379
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:04,572
(SIGHS)

380
00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:06,741
(HUMMING)

381
00:22:07,076 --> 00:22:08,743
Move over!
I'm dying.

382
00:22:10,913 --> 00:22:12,080
(SIGHING DEEPLY)

383
00:22:15,918 --> 00:22:16,918
Got you!

384
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:18,003
(SCREAMING)

385
00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:22,007
Greg, did you throw
Manny off his...

386
00:22:22,091 --> 00:22:23,758
What is going on?

387
00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:26,594
Greg started it.
I just came in here
to take a shower.

388
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:29,264
He's lying!
He was gonna kill me
'cause I was in his room!

389
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,641
And so you peed on him?

390
00:22:31,726 --> 00:22:34,811
Yes. I mean, no.
I mean...

391
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:36,271
Yes.

392
00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:47,407
(WHISTLING)

393
00:22:54,749 --> 00:22:55,957
(ALL CHATTERING)

394
00:22:56,042 --> 00:22:57,375
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

395
00:22:57,460 --> 00:23:00,086
Wow, there's a lot
to sign up for.

396
00:23:00,171 --> 00:23:02,964
You could be class favorite
in a bunch of things.

397
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,466
Jazz dancing!

398
00:23:04,550 --> 00:23:06,051
We could do
that one together!

399
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:10,013
I can't believe
all these activities.
They're all so much work.

400
00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:14,267
Staying after school,
meeting before school,
on weekends.

401
00:23:14,351 --> 00:23:16,686
What kind of
extracurricular activities
are these?

402
00:23:16,771 --> 00:23:18,813
Out of my way.

403
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:21,983
Who let you into this school,
Greg Heffley?

404
00:23:22,276 --> 00:23:24,736
I was thinking
the same thing about you,
Patty Farrell.

405
00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:26,905
You listen to me,
Greg Heffley.

406
00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:29,657
I'm running for
student council president
and I'm warning you,

407
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:32,077
if you get in my way,
I will beat you up,

408
00:23:32,161 --> 00:23:34,996
just like I did
in kindergarten
and fourth grade.

409
00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:41,127
Fourth grade?
That one was ugly.

410
00:23:42,129 --> 00:23:45,340
What's her problem?
What did I ever do to her?

411
00:23:45,549 --> 00:23:50,887
Patty, Patty is a fatty,
has a face just like a ratty!

412
00:23:51,347 --> 00:23:52,472
(CRYING)

413
00:23:52,556 --> 00:23:53,640
(ALL LAUGHING)

414
00:23:55,017 --> 00:23:57,519
Come on,
that was pretty funny.

415
00:23:57,603 --> 00:23:59,687
She needs to get
a sense of humor.

416
00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:03,066
And I need something
to make me a class favorite.

417
00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:05,193
ANGIE: What about
class favorites?

418
00:24:06,612 --> 00:24:09,864
Don't you ever say
hi or hello
before you start talking?

419
00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:11,533
Hi.
Hello.

420
00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:14,369
Oh, Greg's only here
because he really wants
to be something...

421
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:15,703
Rowley!

422
00:24:16,372 --> 00:24:19,666
I was just saying that
I would really like to
nail these people

423
00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:21,668
because it's
so obvious that

424
00:24:21,752 --> 00:24:24,337
they're only doing
these activities
to get in the yearbook.

425
00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:26,714
You know, I like
your point of view.

426
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,967
You should sign up
for the school paper.

427
00:24:29,051 --> 00:24:30,552
We're the voice
of the people.

428
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:33,096
Well, the people
are mostly idiots,

429
00:24:33,180 --> 00:24:34,639
so I guess,
technically speaking,

430
00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:37,642
we're the voice of the people
making fun of the people.

431
00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:39,769
Thanks, but I can't
be on the paper

432
00:24:39,854 --> 00:24:42,397
because I'm gonna be
in the paper a lot.

433
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:45,567
So that would be
a conflict of interest.

434
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:50,029
You're the people.
Got it.

435
00:24:52,408 --> 00:24:55,243
Do you believe me now?
That girl is crazy town.

436
00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:57,620
Look! They have wrestling!

437
00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:01,457
That's it! I'm great
at wrestling.

438
00:25:01,542 --> 00:25:04,794
I've watched it for years,
I know all the moves.

439
00:25:05,546 --> 00:25:06,921
Tombstone piledriver.

440
00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:10,091
Chair shot.

441
00:25:12,595 --> 00:25:13,636
Vader Bomb.

442
00:25:14,597 --> 00:25:18,474
AUDIENCE: Heffley! Heffley!
Heffley! Heffley!

443
00:25:18,559 --> 00:25:21,436
Heffley! Heffley! Heffley!

444
00:25:24,315 --> 00:25:28,443
Okay. Something
is very wrong here.

445
00:25:29,111 --> 00:25:31,196
These don't look like
wrestling costumes to me.

446
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:35,033
Welcome to wrestling,
you future Olympians!

447
00:25:35,784 --> 00:25:37,827
So, just to make sure
we all get off
on the right foot

448
00:25:37,912 --> 00:25:40,663
and nobody gets
seriously injured,

449
00:25:40,748 --> 00:25:42,457
we're gonna teach you
a few basic moves.

450
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:48,338
Remember, this is about
learning the sport
and having fun!

451
00:25:48,422 --> 00:25:49,881
All right. It's not
a competition

452
00:25:49,965 --> 00:25:55,720
because everyone here
is already
a superstar to me.

453
00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:58,181
Coach Brewer,
can you step over here
for a moment,

454
00:25:58,265 --> 00:26:00,475
please, give me a hand?
Thanks.

455
00:26:00,976 --> 00:26:01,976
(GRUNTS)

456
00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:04,020
(ALL EXCLAIM)

457
00:26:04,104 --> 00:26:06,522
That's known as
a speed takedown.

458
00:26:06,607 --> 00:26:08,107
Nice job,
Coach Brewer.

459
00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:10,443
Can you get up and
come behind me?

460
00:26:10,527 --> 00:26:12,862
Put one arm
over my shoulder?
Let's go, yeah.

461
00:26:12,988 --> 00:26:15,114
You got it, walk it off,
come on.

462
00:26:17,868 --> 00:26:19,953
That was known
as the arm drag.

463
00:26:20,037 --> 00:26:22,664
Let's give Coach Brewer
a hand, everybody!

464
00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:25,500
He's fine.

465
00:26:27,544 --> 00:26:29,003
Yeah, Heffley.

466
00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:32,173
What about piledrivers
and Vader bombs?

467
00:26:32,258 --> 00:26:34,759
That is fake wrestling.

468
00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:39,264
This is real wrestling!
Let's go!

469
00:26:40,307 --> 00:26:42,934
If I have to wrestle
Benny Wells,
he'll kill me!

470
00:26:43,018 --> 00:26:44,769
MALONE: Let's move! Come on!

471
00:26:45,354 --> 00:26:48,982
Okay, to keep things fair,
I've divided you into weight
categories by your size,

472
00:26:49,066 --> 00:26:51,985
so Rottweilers over here.

473
00:26:52,069 --> 00:26:53,945
Bulldogs, you stay
right there.

474
00:26:54,029 --> 00:26:55,697
And we got two

475
00:26:57,366 --> 00:26:59,075
Chihuahuas. Yeah.

476
00:26:59,368 --> 00:27:00,952
Nice head gear.

477
00:27:01,036 --> 00:27:03,329
Thanks. My mom
let me borrow it.

478
00:27:04,248 --> 00:27:05,498
All right, let's see
what you got.

479
00:27:05,582 --> 00:27:06,582
(WHISTLE BLOWS)

480
00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:08,626
Don't worry, Fregley,
I'll take it easy on you.

481
00:27:08,711 --> 00:27:09,711
(EXCLAIMING)

482
00:27:11,338 --> 00:27:12,714
Hey, I wasn't ready!

483
00:27:12,798 --> 00:27:17,051
Nobody's keeping score,
but that was a sweet
speed takedown, Fregley!

484
00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:22,640
This is fun,
Greg Heffley!

485
00:27:24,727 --> 00:27:26,060
Get off me!

486
00:27:29,023 --> 00:27:31,357
ALL: (CHANTING)
Fregley! Fregley! Fregley!

487
00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:35,153
Blow the whistle,
blow the whistle!

488
00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:37,488
All right! Fregley!

489
00:27:40,117 --> 00:27:42,243
Outstanding!

490
00:27:44,413 --> 00:27:47,623
And let's...
Let's hear it
for our other winner.

491
00:27:49,376 --> 00:27:51,044
Yay, Greg!

492
00:27:52,296 --> 00:27:53,921
I can't lose
to Fregley again.

493
00:27:54,006 --> 00:27:56,007
If I get beat by
the weirdest kid
in school,

494
00:27:56,091 --> 00:27:58,593
nobody's ever gonna let me
sit at their table.

495
00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:00,053
How are you
going to beat him?

496
00:28:00,137 --> 00:28:02,263
It's like he had
superhuman strength!

497
00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:05,141
I'm not gonna beat him.
I'm gonna gain
10 pounds this week

498
00:28:05,225 --> 00:28:07,268
so I can move up to
the Bulldog weight class.

499
00:28:07,353 --> 00:28:10,063
And then you and I
can wrestle each other.

500
00:28:10,147 --> 00:28:11,522
Ready?

501
00:28:11,607 --> 00:28:13,483
Can I throw at you now?
Later.

502
00:28:13,692 --> 00:28:16,903
You're better at riding
than I am,
and I'm a better thrower.

503
00:28:17,112 --> 00:28:18,321
(SIGHS)

504
00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:32,502
Greg, save some
for everybody else, honey.

505
00:28:32,586 --> 00:28:34,545
GREG: Can't.
I need to bulk up.

506
00:28:34,630 --> 00:28:35,630
Why?

507
00:28:36,256 --> 00:28:39,258
I think your body
looks beautiful
just the way it is.

508
00:28:39,385 --> 00:28:43,012
I heard he got his butt
kicked at wrestling.
Now what is wrong with you?

509
00:28:43,097 --> 00:28:46,474
Why would you sign up
for something
you don't have to do?

510
00:28:46,642 --> 00:28:48,893
You signed up for wrestling?

511
00:28:49,103 --> 00:28:50,103
Kind of.

512
00:28:50,187 --> 00:28:52,730
You never sign up
for anything at school.

513
00:28:52,815 --> 00:28:54,774
You fly below the radar.

514
00:28:54,858 --> 00:28:57,902
That way you never raise
anyone's expectations.

515
00:28:57,986 --> 00:29:00,947
Thank you, Rodrick,
for those words
of motivational wisdom,

516
00:29:01,031 --> 00:29:03,032
but perhaps
a better way
to look at it is that

517
00:29:03,117 --> 00:29:06,285
it's a chance
to learn to excel
at something.

518
00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:09,664
Well, what could
I learn at school that
I can't teach myself?

519
00:29:10,999 --> 00:29:12,333
Well, Greg, I think
it's great that

520
00:29:12,418 --> 00:29:14,710
you took the initiative
to learn something new.

521
00:29:14,795 --> 00:29:17,964
This is like the first step
to responsibility!

522
00:29:18,048 --> 00:29:21,592
My boss's son Will
was smaller than you,

523
00:29:21,677 --> 00:29:24,470
but he built himself up
with the weights!

524
00:29:24,555 --> 00:29:26,722
Yeah.
We could get you
the same equipment.

525
00:29:26,807 --> 00:29:31,227
You could train,
get the right
nutrition, cardio.

526
00:29:31,562 --> 00:29:35,189
You'd be in tip-top shape
just like Will.

527
00:29:37,693 --> 00:29:40,236
And it would only take,
like, three months.

528
00:29:45,117 --> 00:29:46,284
Three months?

529
00:29:46,368 --> 00:29:47,452
Yeah.

530
00:29:48,579 --> 00:29:50,621
I'll just stick to eating.

531
00:29:56,420 --> 00:29:57,670
Well, I don't know where
you put it, Heffley,

532
00:29:57,754 --> 00:30:00,298
but you gained 10 pounds
and joined
the Bulldog class.

533
00:30:00,382 --> 00:30:01,507
Yes.

534
00:30:08,098 --> 00:30:10,641
I thought
you didn't gain
any weight this week.

535
00:30:10,726 --> 00:30:12,518
My mom's
ankle weights.

536
00:30:14,897 --> 00:30:18,566
All right, bulldog Heffley.
Meet your new opponent.

537
00:30:20,986 --> 00:30:23,404
What? But this is
boys' wrestling.

538
00:30:23,614 --> 00:30:25,740
Ever hear
of Title IX?

539
00:30:25,908 --> 00:30:27,533
Her parents
threatened to sue,

540
00:30:27,618 --> 00:30:31,454
so you show her
what it's like to wrestle
a real live boy.

541
00:30:33,749 --> 00:30:34,916
(GRUNTS)

542
00:30:38,420 --> 00:30:40,254
Come on! What you
waiting for, huh?

543
00:30:40,339 --> 00:30:42,215
Don't be such
a wuss, Heffley.

544
00:30:42,299 --> 00:30:43,591
Make your move!

545
00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:45,760
She's a girl!
Where do I grab her?

546
00:30:49,389 --> 00:30:51,432
Stay down!
Patty, over here!

547
00:30:55,437 --> 00:30:56,604
Get off of me!

548
00:30:56,688 --> 00:30:58,439
Can I wrestle
somebody good now?

549
00:31:03,654 --> 00:31:04,904
(ALL LAUGHING)

550
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:11,035
Well, look who's
in the paper.

551
00:31:11,954 --> 00:31:16,916
Greg! You're famous!
Right on the front page!

552
00:31:25,842 --> 00:31:27,134
And if I would
have pinned her,

553
00:31:27,219 --> 00:31:28,719
which I could have
done easily,

554
00:31:28,804 --> 00:31:31,264
you know I would have
gotten in trouble
for hurting a girl.

555
00:31:31,348 --> 00:31:33,599
Why does she even
want to wrestle?

556
00:31:33,684 --> 00:31:35,810
Who knows?
Girls are very confusing.

557
00:31:35,894 --> 00:31:37,436
Like today,
I heard someone
in the hallway say

558
00:31:37,521 --> 00:31:41,524
that Bryce Anderson
has a cute butt.
What does that even mean?

559
00:31:41,608 --> 00:31:44,026
A butt can't be cute.
It's a butt.

560
00:31:44,653 --> 00:31:47,280
I know, but that's what
they were saying.

561
00:31:47,364 --> 00:31:50,199
I don't see why
girls our age can't talk
just like regular people.

562
00:31:55,998 --> 00:31:59,000
So how are you
gonna become
a class favorite now?

563
00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:00,960
Two words.
Best Dressed.

564
00:32:01,044 --> 00:32:02,795
How are you
going to do that?

565
00:32:03,088 --> 00:32:04,255
Fashion is easy.

566
00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:06,841
You wear a shirt and a tie,
and kids are impressed.

567
00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:09,468
I'm telling you,
this is gonna work.

568
00:32:10,304 --> 00:32:13,723
(SINGING) I light 'em up
before the motor starts

569
00:32:13,807 --> 00:32:17,476
I go so fast
that I could never stop

570
00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:20,438
Look under the hood
but you don't know what I got

571
00:32:20,522 --> 00:32:22,607
I'm a moving violation, baby

572
00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:25,276
Hot, hot, hot, hot

573
00:32:30,866 --> 00:32:32,074
Ta-da!

574
00:32:32,659 --> 00:32:34,118
I told you
I was wearing this.

575
00:32:34,202 --> 00:32:35,202
I know!

576
00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:36,787
I wanted to be matchers!

577
00:32:36,872 --> 00:32:38,205
BOY: Check them out!

578
00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:43,169
ALL: (SINGING)
Greg and Rowley
sitting in a tree

579
00:32:43,253 --> 00:32:46,589
K-l-S-S-l-N-G

580
00:32:47,215 --> 00:32:48,966
First comes love...

581
00:32:49,051 --> 00:32:52,094
GREG: You know,
maybe Rodrick was right
about Rowley.

582
00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:55,473
Maybe I do need
a new best friend.

583
00:32:55,557 --> 00:32:58,267
But I can't just ditch him.

584
00:32:58,352 --> 00:33:01,812
I mean, if anybody
has a better idea,
I'd love to hear it.

585
00:33:03,357 --> 00:33:05,316
NARRATOR: In this school,
much like your own,

586
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:08,069
one boy is about to learn
an important lesson

587
00:33:08,153 --> 00:33:10,029
about self-worth and esteem.

588
00:33:10,697 --> 00:33:12,281
Gag me with a spoon.

589
00:33:12,366 --> 00:33:15,451
That guy is so unpopular,
I'd hate to be him.

590
00:33:16,953 --> 00:33:18,120
(SIGHS)

591
00:33:18,205 --> 00:33:19,830
Why doesn't
anybody like me?

592
00:33:19,915 --> 00:33:23,501
BROCK: Maybe because
they don't know
how awesome you really are.

593
00:33:24,378 --> 00:33:27,755
Brock Branigan P. I!
What are you doing here?

594
00:33:28,215 --> 00:33:31,676
I'm here to solve the case
of the boy who just
needed to be himself.

595
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:35,262
So go for it!
Show them how awesome
you really are!

596
00:33:38,684 --> 00:33:41,352
Hey, guys.
Do you like break dancing?

597
00:33:43,772 --> 00:33:45,231
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

598
00:33:57,411 --> 00:33:59,704
That is totally rad!

599
00:33:59,788 --> 00:34:03,124
Wicked.
You should sit with us
at lunch, friend.

600
00:34:07,170 --> 00:34:08,421
Sweet!

601
00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:12,633
It really is awesome
to be me!
Thanks, Brock.

602
00:34:25,355 --> 00:34:28,149
Okay. Let's talk about
what we've learned.

603
00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:31,318
GREG: I don't know
about anyone else,
but I know what I learned.

604
00:34:31,403 --> 00:34:33,362
It is awesome to be me.

605
00:34:33,697 --> 00:34:37,283
The problem with Rowley is
that he's not enough like me.

606
00:34:37,367 --> 00:34:40,286
I can't ditch him
'cause he'd be lost
without me.

607
00:34:41,830 --> 00:34:43,998
But maybe I can fix him.

608
00:34:46,376 --> 00:34:49,170
Because that's
the kind of friend I am.

609
00:34:49,337 --> 00:34:50,880
What are you doing?

610
00:34:50,964 --> 00:34:53,257
Making your clothes more
middle-school friendly.

611
00:34:53,341 --> 00:34:56,927
Look at this stuff.
Too babyish and weird.

612
00:34:57,345 --> 00:35:00,264
Too "Why don't you
just punch me now?"

613
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,351
What are you,
a foreign exchange student?

614
00:35:05,437 --> 00:35:08,355
Oh, man.
This one we burn.

615
00:35:08,648 --> 00:35:10,649
That was a present
from my mom.

616
00:35:10,734 --> 00:35:13,611
Well, then your mom
is trying to
get you killed.

617
00:35:13,695 --> 00:35:15,404
Ready?
Steady. Go.

618
00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:22,077
No, no, no.
You look like one of
the Seven Dwarfs.

619
00:35:22,162 --> 00:35:25,915
You only need one strap.
One strap is cool.

620
00:35:26,333 --> 00:35:27,541
But there's two straps.

621
00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:28,834
Why would they
put on two straps

622
00:35:28,919 --> 00:35:30,711
if you're only
supposed to use one?

623
00:35:30,796 --> 00:35:33,422
Because the guys
who make backpacks
aren't cool.

624
00:35:33,507 --> 00:35:35,132
If they were cool,
they'd give it
one strap,

625
00:35:35,217 --> 00:35:37,593
like the cool
one-strap guys do.

626
00:35:37,677 --> 00:35:40,471
You know what has one strap?
Machine guns.

627
00:35:40,555 --> 00:35:43,432
You know what else?
Electric guitars.

628
00:35:43,517 --> 00:35:44,975
You know what else?

629
00:35:45,060 --> 00:35:46,101
Purses?

630
00:35:46,895 --> 00:35:48,395
But Joshie is cool.

631
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,314
Rowley,
Joshie is not cool.

632
00:35:50,398 --> 00:35:53,067
He's a lip-synching pop star
whose fans are
eight-year-old girls.

633
00:35:53,151 --> 00:35:56,111
You're just jealous
that I was the one
who discovered him.

634
00:35:56,196 --> 00:35:59,156
Who are you
gonna listen to, Rowley?
Me or Joshie?

635
00:35:59,241 --> 00:36:02,785
Joshie says to
respect your parents
and follow your dreams.

636
00:36:03,161 --> 00:36:05,538
Then Joshie must get
beaten up a lot.

637
00:36:13,547 --> 00:36:15,673
You actually almost
look as good as me.

638
00:36:15,757 --> 00:36:17,842
Am I great at this
or what?

639
00:36:19,261 --> 00:36:22,263
There's Bryce Anderson.
Just be cool.

640
00:36:23,390 --> 00:36:24,765
Hey, Bryce.

641
00:36:26,059 --> 00:36:27,309
Yeah, hey, Bryce!

642
00:36:28,353 --> 00:36:29,728
Cute butt!

643
00:36:33,608 --> 00:36:35,609
You're killing me,
you know that?

644
00:36:35,735 --> 00:36:37,695
Look, Rowley,
tonight's Halloween,

645
00:36:37,779 --> 00:36:38,988
our favorite night
of the year,

646
00:36:39,072 --> 00:36:43,284
so, just promise me
you won't wear, do
or say anything weird.

647
00:36:44,452 --> 00:36:45,578
(DOORBELL RINGS)

648
00:36:47,956 --> 00:36:49,957
You're kidding me, right?

649
00:36:50,125 --> 00:36:53,419
(SIGHS) My mom wanted me
to be visible at night.

650
00:36:54,921 --> 00:36:56,630
From space?

651
00:36:57,507 --> 00:37:00,718
So, we'll hit a few houses
on the way to the North Side,

652
00:37:00,802 --> 00:37:03,095
which is where we'll do
most of
our trick-or-treating.

653
00:37:03,179 --> 00:37:05,681
Why are we going
all the way over there?

654
00:37:05,765 --> 00:37:07,391
It's where
the rich people live.

655
00:37:07,475 --> 00:37:11,353
They hand out, like,
two, three pieces of
big candy to each kid.

656
00:37:11,438 --> 00:37:13,480
Not that
candy corn crap.

657
00:37:14,274 --> 00:37:17,818
I'm talking about
full-size Milky Ways
and Nutter Butters.

658
00:37:17,903 --> 00:37:19,570
Plus, if we time it right,

659
00:37:19,654 --> 00:37:23,782
rich people get tired
of answering their doors
and just leave the bowl out.

660
00:37:23,867 --> 00:37:25,492
We can clean up.

661
00:37:27,329 --> 00:37:29,079
ROWLEY: Wow, you're lucky.

662
00:37:29,164 --> 00:37:32,082
My mom doesn't let me play
with makeup anymore.

663
00:37:32,167 --> 00:37:35,836
Shut up, tool.
L�ded Diper's
got a gig tonight.

664
00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:41,675
Mmm.

665
00:37:42,010 --> 00:37:44,094
Going to
the North Side, huh?

666
00:37:44,179 --> 00:37:46,764
Takes you right past
the Devil Worshiper Woods.

667
00:37:46,848 --> 00:37:48,432
The Devil
Worshiper Woods?

668
00:37:49,351 --> 00:37:51,018
You know about
that story, right?

669
00:37:52,354 --> 00:37:56,941
Well, there used to be
this house right here
where these woods are.

670
00:37:57,525 --> 00:38:01,153
They had to tear it down
because what happened there
was so terrible.

671
00:38:01,237 --> 00:38:02,780
What happened there?

672
00:38:02,864 --> 00:38:07,201
Well, a long time ago,
two kids who were,
I don't know,

673
00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:10,037
maybe in middle school,

674
00:38:10,538 --> 00:38:13,791
they trick-or-treated
at that house
on Halloween night.

675
00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:20,089
But the house was full
of devil worshipers

676
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:24,510
who put the kids
in these giant pizza ovens.

677
00:38:24,636 --> 00:38:28,055
And they cooked them
and they ate them.

678
00:38:28,890 --> 00:38:31,308
But they forgot
to turn off the ovens.

679
00:38:31,393 --> 00:38:34,687
So the house burned down
with everyone in it.

680
00:38:35,563 --> 00:38:37,564
How'd the trees
get there?

681
00:38:38,024 --> 00:38:40,943
And then they planted trees.

682
00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:42,653
Oh.

683
00:38:42,737 --> 00:38:46,115
And to this day,
on Halloween night,

684
00:38:46,783 --> 00:38:51,412
you can still hear
the demonic laughter
of the devil worshiper ghosts

685
00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:56,834
as they roam the woods,
looking for more kids
to sacrifice!

686
00:38:57,085 --> 00:39:00,254
Hey, Rodrick.
I need you to
help me out. Like...

687
00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:02,715
(DOORBELL RINGS)

688
00:39:02,799 --> 00:39:05,300
Are you wearing eyeliner?

689
00:39:05,844 --> 00:39:06,844
KIDS: Trick or treat.

690
00:39:06,928 --> 00:39:07,928
Susan!

691
00:39:08,013 --> 00:39:09,304
I'm on door duty!

692
00:39:09,389 --> 00:39:10,556
GIRL: Thank you.

693
00:39:11,975 --> 00:39:13,475
Bubby!

694
00:39:13,685 --> 00:39:15,978
Mom, can you tell him
to stop calling me that?

695
00:39:16,062 --> 00:39:17,646
What if somebody hears?

696
00:39:17,731 --> 00:39:20,524
Then they'll know
how much he loves you.

697
00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:24,862
Frank, Frank,
honey, honey,
can you go with them?

698
00:39:24,946 --> 00:39:26,739
No, I can't.
I got to
guard the house

699
00:39:26,823 --> 00:39:28,198
in case someone
tries to T.P. Us.

700
00:39:28,283 --> 00:39:30,159
They're gonna get
drenched from the roof.

701
00:39:30,243 --> 00:39:31,326
(LAUGHS)

702
00:39:31,411 --> 00:39:34,038
Honey, for goodness sakes,
don't do that again.

703
00:39:34,122 --> 00:39:35,706
Remember what happened
last year?

704
00:39:36,541 --> 00:39:38,125
I got you!

705
00:39:41,046 --> 00:39:42,421
(CRYING)

706
00:39:42,505 --> 00:39:43,630
Hi.

707
00:39:46,593 --> 00:39:48,343
I thought
they were teenagers.

708
00:39:48,428 --> 00:39:49,970
And I couldn't see
through the bushes.

709
00:39:50,055 --> 00:39:52,056
My legs, they hurt
from the squatting.

710
00:39:52,140 --> 00:39:55,476
So, that's why
I'm doing it from
the roof this year.

711
00:39:55,977 --> 00:39:58,604
So I can see
when they're coming.

712
00:40:01,316 --> 00:40:02,357
Can we go now?

713
00:40:02,442 --> 00:40:03,400
(DOORBELL RINGS)

714
00:40:03,485 --> 00:40:04,985
Yes, go.

715
00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:07,196
But stay
in the neighborhood.

716
00:40:07,489 --> 00:40:08,572
KIDS: Trick or treat.

717
00:40:08,656 --> 00:40:10,032
And no North Side!

718
00:40:10,116 --> 00:40:11,366
We promise!

719
00:40:27,675 --> 00:40:29,718
GREG: We got to stay
in this neighborhood
the rest of the night.

720
00:40:29,803 --> 00:40:32,679
That guy gave me
two full-size Snickers!

721
00:40:32,764 --> 00:40:34,807
Did I tell you
or did I tell you?

722
00:40:34,891 --> 00:40:36,850
These people have
money to burn!

723
00:40:36,935 --> 00:40:37,935
(LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON CAR RADIO)

724
00:40:38,019 --> 00:40:39,978
ROWLEY: I can't believe
we got this much candy.

725
00:40:40,522 --> 00:40:42,022
This is, like,
the best day ever.

726
00:40:42,107 --> 00:40:45,067
CARTER: Hey, reflector dude,
nice costume!

727
00:40:45,568 --> 00:40:47,027
Thanks!
My mom made it...

728
00:40:48,530 --> 00:40:49,780
(EXCLAIMING)

729
00:40:51,491 --> 00:40:52,741
(BOYS LAUGHING)

730
00:40:53,701 --> 00:40:55,452
CARTER: Oh, that was awesome!

731
00:40:55,537 --> 00:40:57,830
I saw your plates!
We're calling the cops!

732
00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:01,458
Uh-oh.

733
00:41:03,044 --> 00:41:04,253
Oh, boy.

734
00:41:06,464 --> 00:41:07,589
Run!

735
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,637
CARTER:
Hey, they're going
through the yard!

736
00:41:13,721 --> 00:41:15,848
Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go!

737
00:41:18,101 --> 00:41:20,936
Where are we going?
We're totally exposed!

738
00:41:23,857 --> 00:41:25,440
My grandma's house!

739
00:41:25,525 --> 00:41:26,775
Quickly!

740
00:41:27,026 --> 00:41:28,569
They're coming!

741
00:41:30,530 --> 00:41:31,530
(RINGING DOORBELL)

742
00:41:31,614 --> 00:41:32,656
Hello?

743
00:41:32,740 --> 00:41:33,907
That's not helping!
She's not home!

744
00:41:34,033 --> 00:41:35,617
Bingo night.
CARTER: Okay,
you guys are dead.

745
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,536
ROWLEY: Open the door!
Get the key!
GREG: Okay. Okay.

746
00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:39,454
ROWLEY: Open the door!
Get it!
Come on, let's get them, boys.

747
00:41:39,539 --> 00:41:41,081
ROWLEY: They're coming!

748
00:41:41,916 --> 00:41:43,709
ROWLEY: Now!
CARTER: Oh, I got you now!

749
00:41:43,793 --> 00:41:45,085
PETE: Hey, hey!

750
00:41:47,422 --> 00:41:49,381
Come on, you babies!

751
00:41:51,759 --> 00:41:52,843
I'm gonna
kick your butts!

752
00:41:54,888 --> 00:41:56,847
Yeah? You and what army?

753
00:41:57,390 --> 00:41:58,724
Whatever.

754
00:41:59,225 --> 00:42:00,767
(BOTH BABBLING)

755
00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:07,024
You guys are so lucky
you can hide in there
behind your mommy!

756
00:42:07,108 --> 00:42:08,901
No, we aren't!
It's not our house!

757
00:42:08,985 --> 00:42:11,820
It's his grandma's
and she's not even home!

758
00:42:13,823 --> 00:42:14,823
(LAUGHING)

759
00:42:15,408 --> 00:42:18,118
What? Why would
you tell them that?

760
00:42:18,203 --> 00:42:19,453
CARTER: (SOFTLY)
Did he just say that?

761
00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:20,537
Oops.

762
00:42:24,834 --> 00:42:26,335
Now they're
never gonna leave.

763
00:42:26,419 --> 00:42:28,045
You need to
call your mom
to come get us.

764
00:42:28,129 --> 00:42:30,589
Mine'll kill me
if she knows
we're here.

765
00:42:30,673 --> 00:42:33,926
Mine will, too.
She thinks
you're a bad influence.

766
00:42:35,386 --> 00:42:36,803
She's right.

767
00:42:38,097 --> 00:42:40,015
Then we're gonna have
to bust out of here.

768
00:42:40,892 --> 00:42:42,392
PETE: You have any threes?

769
00:42:43,436 --> 00:42:44,645
Go fish.

770
00:42:44,854 --> 00:42:45,979
(CREAKING)

771
00:42:48,399 --> 00:42:50,275
Hey, what's that?

772
00:42:52,695 --> 00:42:54,529
(DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE PLAYING)

773
00:42:56,532 --> 00:42:58,408
Danger, danger

774
00:42:59,285 --> 00:43:00,744
High Voltage

775
00:43:02,789 --> 00:43:03,997
(LAUGHING)

776
00:43:04,374 --> 00:43:05,999
Danger, danger

777
00:43:07,085 --> 00:43:08,585
High Voltage

778
00:43:14,092 --> 00:43:16,468
Just back off!
I don't want to
hurt anybody,

779
00:43:16,552 --> 00:43:19,596
we just want to
walk away and forget
this ever happened.

780
00:43:19,681 --> 00:43:22,015
Nobody needs to be
a hero! Whoa!

781
00:43:30,900 --> 00:43:32,276
Are you kidding me?

782
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:36,905
I'm gonna rip off your arms
and punch you in the face
with your own fists!

783
00:43:42,370 --> 00:43:44,329
They're gaining!
This way!

784
00:43:50,336 --> 00:43:53,130
The Devil Worshiper Woods!
No way!

785
00:43:53,464 --> 00:43:57,384
PETE: Hey! Stay right there!
We're gonna get you!

786
00:44:00,138 --> 00:44:02,180
(PANTING) They're going
into the woods.

787
00:44:02,265 --> 00:44:05,600
(PANTING) No, no way I go
into Devil Worshiper Woods.
Uh-uh.

788
00:44:06,978 --> 00:44:08,603
This isn't over!

789
00:44:12,191 --> 00:44:13,734
ROWLEY: I'm really scared!

790
00:44:13,818 --> 00:44:15,068
Just keep running!

791
00:44:15,778 --> 00:44:17,029
(ROWLEY PANTING)

792
00:44:17,405 --> 00:44:18,739
(LOUD LAUGHTER)

793
00:44:22,869 --> 00:44:25,787
ROWLEY: Did you hear that?
It's the devil worshipers.

794
00:44:26,539 --> 00:44:28,123
(LOUD LAUGHTER)

795
00:44:29,292 --> 00:44:31,168
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

796
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,010
(BOTH SCREAMING)

797
00:44:45,558 --> 00:44:46,725
Guys?

798
00:44:55,193 --> 00:44:56,693
Are we safe?
Yeah.

799
00:44:56,819 --> 00:44:59,654
And we made it with
still a ton of candy.

800
00:45:02,283 --> 00:45:05,911
Sorry. I was...
I thought
you were teenagers.

801
00:45:09,165 --> 00:45:10,540
BOY: Maybe next year, Pops!

802
00:45:10,625 --> 00:45:11,708
Hey!

803
00:45:17,590 --> 00:45:18,924
(SNIFFING)

804
00:45:19,300 --> 00:45:20,300
(GROANS)

805
00:45:26,015 --> 00:45:29,226
So anyone else
exhibiting symptoms
of pink eye

806
00:45:29,310 --> 00:45:31,686
should contact
the nurse immediately.

807
00:45:31,771 --> 00:45:34,815
In field trip news,
consent forms
are going out today

808
00:45:34,899 --> 00:45:38,193
for our annual
History of Plumbing excursion.

809
00:45:38,277 --> 00:45:39,486
In sports news...

810
00:45:40,488 --> 00:45:45,492
I think Shelly is looking hot today.

811
00:45:46,202 --> 00:45:47,577
BOY: Yeah.

812
00:45:47,662 --> 00:45:49,579
Are they
talking about me?

813
00:45:49,664 --> 00:45:51,706
I don't know.
I don't speak Russian.

814
00:45:51,791 --> 00:45:52,791
(TEACHER SHUSHING)

815
00:45:52,875 --> 00:45:57,629
And finally, some positions
have opened up
for the Safety Patrol.

816
00:45:57,713 --> 00:46:01,550
If anyone is interested,
see Mr. Winsky after homeroom.

817
00:46:01,634 --> 00:46:03,802
GREG: Now that's what
I'm talking about.

818
00:46:05,012 --> 00:46:08,348
Safety Patrol.
The cops of middle school.

819
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:10,976
You boss people around,

820
00:46:11,060 --> 00:46:15,188
report the jerks,
and miss class
three times a week.

821
00:46:19,986 --> 00:46:21,820
MR. WINSKY: Safety Patrol
is a sacred trust.

822
00:46:21,904 --> 00:46:25,949
When you put on this vest
and that badge you become
a protector of the weak.

823
00:46:26,033 --> 00:46:29,619
You become
an enforcer of the laws
of this school,

824
00:46:29,704 --> 00:46:32,873
because today's litterer
and jaywalker

825
00:46:32,957 --> 00:46:35,459
is tomorrow's
window breaker
and graffiti vandal,

826
00:46:35,543 --> 00:46:37,752
and it's our job
to stop it.

827
00:46:37,837 --> 00:46:40,839
So I ask you,
are you up for the job?

828
00:46:41,841 --> 00:46:43,216
Yes!
Yes!

829
00:46:44,051 --> 00:46:46,303
Then welcome
to Safety Patrol.

830
00:46:46,387 --> 00:46:49,306
Just remember,
with great power...

831
00:46:49,390 --> 00:46:50,390
Whoa.

832
00:46:50,475 --> 00:46:52,684
...comes
great responsibility.

833
00:46:53,561 --> 00:46:56,229
Now, you get
your first assignment
just after lunch,

834
00:46:56,314 --> 00:46:58,356
so you'll be excused
from the first 20 minutes
of sixth period.

835
00:46:58,441 --> 00:47:00,025
But that means
we'll miss Algebra...

836
00:47:00,109 --> 00:47:01,318
Ouch!

837
00:47:01,402 --> 00:47:02,903
Do we get
free stuff?

838
00:47:03,905 --> 00:47:04,988
Free hot cocoa.

839
00:47:05,072 --> 00:47:07,199
Could this day
get any better?

840
00:47:07,283 --> 00:47:08,992
Whoa, is that cocoa?

841
00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:10,869
Sorry, Safety
Patrol only.

842
00:47:10,953 --> 00:47:12,120
Sorry.

843
00:47:15,374 --> 00:47:17,167
You rejected
the school paper,

844
00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:19,586
but you joined
the Safety Patrol?

845
00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:21,755
Look, are you working
your way down
the evolutionary ladder?

846
00:47:21,839 --> 00:47:22,881
What?

847
00:47:22,965 --> 00:47:26,426
Look, Safety Patrol
is the lowest of the low,

848
00:47:26,511 --> 00:47:29,596
the geekiest of the geeky,
the Island of Misfit Toys.

849
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:32,516
You're just jealous
they don't trust you
to keep our school safe.

850
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:36,269
Now if you'll excuse me,
I need to
secure the perimeter.

851
00:47:40,399 --> 00:47:41,733
GIRL: I'm hungry.

852
00:47:41,817 --> 00:47:43,109
GREG: Keep it
straight, people.

853
00:47:43,194 --> 00:47:45,862
Single-file line,
one by one.

854
00:47:46,906 --> 00:47:49,241
(ROCK MUSIC BLARING
ON CAR RADIO)

855
00:47:53,788 --> 00:47:56,790
Greg! It's those guys
from Halloween!

856
00:47:57,959 --> 00:47:59,459
What do we do?

857
00:48:02,463 --> 00:48:04,047
Come on, man,
just pull my finger.

858
00:48:04,131 --> 00:48:05,882
I swear to God,
I'm not gonna
do anything.

859
00:48:05,967 --> 00:48:08,677
Everybody,
shoulder to shoulder.
Shoulder to shoulder.

860
00:48:08,761 --> 00:48:10,720
GREG: Go. Go!
Whoa, whoa.

861
00:48:23,442 --> 00:48:25,402
That was close.

862
00:48:25,486 --> 00:48:26,820
Too close.

863
00:48:27,822 --> 00:48:29,322
(BOTH LAUGHING)

864
00:48:30,449 --> 00:48:33,410
GREG: It's times like these
that make me realize

865
00:48:33,578 --> 00:48:36,621
Rowley's pretty lucky
to have me as a friend.

866
00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:42,460
ROWLEY: And I got
Twisted Wizard Two,
and a new bike!

867
00:48:43,212 --> 00:48:47,424
And we're going to take
a family trip to New York City
for New Year's Eve!

868
00:48:47,508 --> 00:48:49,217
What did you get?

869
00:48:49,302 --> 00:48:51,469
My dad got me
a weight-lifting set.

870
00:48:51,554 --> 00:48:54,514
Do you know
how many video games
I could've gotten instead?

871
00:48:54,599 --> 00:48:58,602
I had to get out of there
before he expected me
to, like, use it.

872
00:48:58,894 --> 00:49:02,063
Anyway, let's play
some Twisted Wizard Two
at your house.

873
00:49:02,148 --> 00:49:03,940
Probably not a good idea.

874
00:49:04,025 --> 00:49:06,109
My dad's
still annoyed at you.

875
00:49:06,193 --> 00:49:07,360
For what?

876
00:49:07,570 --> 00:49:10,322
Remember that secret language
we made up last week?

877
00:49:11,324 --> 00:49:15,076
Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa
like-pa a woman-pa.

878
00:49:15,411 --> 00:49:16,661
(BOTH LAUGHING)

879
00:49:18,205 --> 00:49:20,457
I think
he cracked our code.

880
00:49:20,541 --> 00:49:22,542
We should probably
do something outside.

881
00:49:24,712 --> 00:49:27,589
Why can't you ride
and I throw
at you first?

882
00:49:28,049 --> 00:49:30,425
My legs kind of hurt
from walking over here.

883
00:49:30,885 --> 00:49:32,093
(SIGHS)

884
00:49:39,935 --> 00:49:41,311
(SCREAMING)

885
00:49:43,189 --> 00:49:44,189
(GRUNTS)

886
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:50,445
Okay, Rowley.
Come on. Get up.

887
00:49:50,571 --> 00:49:51,613
(ROWLEY GROANING)

888
00:49:51,697 --> 00:49:53,281
Shake it off.

889
00:49:54,617 --> 00:49:56,493
Are you sure
the doctor was right?

890
00:49:56,577 --> 00:49:58,620
It really didn't look
that broken to me.

891
00:49:58,704 --> 00:50:03,166
Yeah, it's broken.
The X-ray never lies.

892
00:50:05,378 --> 00:50:07,587
Oh, my gosh.
What happened?

893
00:50:08,255 --> 00:50:09,339
I broke it.

894
00:50:09,423 --> 00:50:10,465
SHELLY: How?

895
00:50:10,549 --> 00:50:12,258
Big Wheel accident.

896
00:50:13,219 --> 00:50:14,844
You're funny.

897
00:50:14,929 --> 00:50:16,763
Can I sign your cast?
Me, too.

898
00:50:16,847 --> 00:50:18,056
I wanna sign it, too.

899
00:50:18,140 --> 00:50:19,474
Why, sure.

900
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:22,143
Hey, I'm the one
who broke his hand.

901
00:50:22,895 --> 00:50:24,604
Then you're a jerk.

902
00:50:25,439 --> 00:50:27,232
(WHISPERS) Sorry.
GIRL: Does it hurt?

903
00:50:27,441 --> 00:50:28,525
(EXCLAIMS)

904
00:50:30,861 --> 00:50:32,862
SHELLY:
Rowley, you're so funny.

905
00:50:34,448 --> 00:50:35,490
After I stood...

906
00:50:35,574 --> 00:50:36,741
GREG: I couldn't believe it!

907
00:50:36,826 --> 00:50:41,413
Rowley was eating
at an actual table
because of something I did!

908
00:50:42,164 --> 00:50:43,915
Where's my credit?

909
00:50:44,291 --> 00:50:47,877
And he's right handed!
He can feed himself just fine.

910
00:50:50,798 --> 00:50:53,925
So, how's that
class favorite thing
working out for you?

911
00:50:54,009 --> 00:50:55,301
Great.

912
00:51:10,568 --> 00:51:11,568
(WHOOPING)

913
00:51:12,236 --> 00:51:15,905
I realized
Rowley's injury thing
was a pretty good racket.

914
00:51:17,032 --> 00:51:18,158
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

915
00:51:19,994 --> 00:51:21,077
MARLEY: It's gonna be
so much fun.

916
00:51:21,162 --> 00:51:23,079
Hey, guys.
Check it out.

917
00:51:23,914 --> 00:51:25,707
Oh, my gosh,
what happened?

918
00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:30,044
It's a raging infection
caused by a splinter
that was left untreated.

919
00:51:30,463 --> 00:51:33,506
Want to be the first to sign
my sympathy sheet?

920
00:51:33,841 --> 00:51:34,883
No.

921
00:51:38,179 --> 00:51:42,348
I'll sign it, Greg Heffley,
if you'd let me
look at your infection.

922
00:51:46,687 --> 00:51:50,273
ROWLEY: And on the X-ray,
you could see where the bone
just snapped right in half.

923
00:51:50,357 --> 00:51:54,068
I had the exact
same break last year,
and it got all purple!

924
00:51:54,195 --> 00:51:55,779
ROWLEY: Cool!
Mine, too!

925
00:51:55,863 --> 00:51:57,989
Hey, Gregory,
want to sign the card?

926
00:51:58,365 --> 00:52:00,366
You got
Rowley a card?

927
00:52:00,534 --> 00:52:03,119
What? No, it's for
Bryan Little.

928
00:52:03,204 --> 00:52:05,538
You know, the guy who writes
the Wacky Dawg cartoons

929
00:52:05,623 --> 00:52:07,373
for the school paper?

930
00:52:07,458 --> 00:52:11,002
He has mono
and he's going to be out
for three months.

931
00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:13,463
That really stinks.

932
00:52:13,547 --> 00:52:17,300
So, just out of curiosity,
who's gonna do the cartoon?

933
00:52:17,635 --> 00:52:21,888
They're having tryouts,
but the important thing
is Bryan gets better.

934
00:52:22,181 --> 00:52:23,556
Absolutely.

935
00:52:25,601 --> 00:52:28,186
GREG:
Bryan Little getting mono
was destiny.

936
00:52:28,312 --> 00:52:31,773
I draw cartoons all the time.
I'm gonna win this.

937
00:52:42,034 --> 00:52:46,204
I decided to go ahead
and forgive Rowley for milking
the broken hand so hard

938
00:52:46,288 --> 00:52:49,249
and I told him
he could work on the cartoon
with me.

939
00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:53,419
So, I was thinking
we could do
something like this!

940
00:52:53,712 --> 00:52:55,880
Oops, I stepped
in a puddle!

941
00:52:55,965 --> 00:52:58,424
At least it's not
an acid puddle.

942
00:52:58,551 --> 00:53:00,969
Oy, oy, oy!
It is an acid puddle!

943
00:53:01,053 --> 00:53:06,140
Zoo-wee Mama!

944
00:53:07,852 --> 00:53:10,228
It's the same joke
every time.

945
00:53:10,312 --> 00:53:12,897
Yeah! Zoo-wee Mama!

946
00:53:13,816 --> 00:53:16,276
We can't just do
the same thing
over and over.

947
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:18,152
We can if it's
Zoo-wee Mama.

948
00:53:18,237 --> 00:53:21,197
It has to be
a little more
sophisticated.

949
00:53:21,532 --> 00:53:24,284
GREG: (IMITATES CREIGHTON)
I wonder what is in
this cute little box.

950
00:53:24,368 --> 00:53:25,577
GREG: (IMITATES
CREIGHTON'S FRIEND)
It's not a box,

951
00:53:25,661 --> 00:53:27,036
it's a brick,
you dumb moron.

952
00:53:27,121 --> 00:53:30,164
GREG: (IMITATES CREIGHTON)
Oops! I've been
trying to open it all day!

953
00:53:33,043 --> 00:53:35,086
Can he say,
"Zoo-wee Mama"?

954
00:53:35,588 --> 00:53:37,213
No, it's not funny.

955
00:53:37,298 --> 00:53:40,216
Well, I think it is.
I like Zoo-wee Mama.

956
00:53:40,342 --> 00:53:41,342
You know what?

957
00:53:41,427 --> 00:53:44,971
If you like it so much,
then why don't
you go do it yourself?

958
00:53:48,183 --> 00:53:51,477
Okay. I will.

959
00:53:52,855 --> 00:53:54,105
See you.

960
00:54:02,323 --> 00:54:03,615
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

961
00:54:05,034 --> 00:54:08,953
Hey, I forgot my raincoat,
so I'm gonna need you to
walk the kids home today.

962
00:54:09,038 --> 00:54:11,414
I can't. I can't
get my cast wet.

963
00:54:12,416 --> 00:54:14,292
You can borrow
my coat.

964
00:54:17,963 --> 00:54:20,006
GIRL: Where's Rowley?

965
00:54:20,215 --> 00:54:21,925
He couldn't
get his cast wet!

966
00:54:22,009 --> 00:54:23,760
He walks us better!

967
00:54:30,809 --> 00:54:31,976
Oh, no.

968
00:54:37,566 --> 00:54:39,776
Oh, my gosh!
Space monsters!

969
00:54:40,027 --> 00:54:44,072
They're going to eat us,
unless we can
get into that hole!

970
00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:47,575
Come on, people, move it!
Now, people!
We're gonna get eaten!

971
00:54:47,660 --> 00:54:50,411
Come on! Don't worry!
I'm right behind you!

972
00:54:50,496 --> 00:54:51,871
Whoa!
Go!

973
00:55:04,134 --> 00:55:05,259
Hey!

974
00:55:06,220 --> 00:55:08,638
Rowley Jefferson,
is that you?

975
00:55:09,890 --> 00:55:12,392
Yes, Mrs. Irvine!

976
00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:17,689
Sorry, kids!

977
00:55:25,823 --> 00:55:27,824
Are you going to
eat us?

978
00:55:28,909 --> 00:55:33,287
And though doctors assure us
that Mrs. Cheznik
is no longer contagious,

979
00:55:33,372 --> 00:55:37,750
the cafeteria nachos bar
will be closed
for the remainder of the week.

980
00:55:38,085 --> 00:55:40,461
And now, what you've all
been waiting for.

981
00:55:40,629 --> 00:55:44,632
The faculty, Student Council
and editors have all met

982
00:55:44,717 --> 00:55:48,094
and selected
the new cartoonist
for the school paper.

983
00:55:49,054 --> 00:55:50,680
And the winner is

984
00:55:51,432 --> 00:55:54,392
"Zoo-wee Mama"
by Rowley Jefferson!

985
00:55:55,269 --> 00:55:56,519
(ALL CHEERING)

986
00:55:59,273 --> 00:56:00,231
What?

987
00:56:00,315 --> 00:56:01,649
That is funny!

988
00:56:02,568 --> 00:56:03,943
BOY: Great job.

989
00:56:05,279 --> 00:56:06,237
Zoo-wee Mama.

990
00:56:06,321 --> 00:56:07,905
GREG: I couldn't believe it.

991
00:56:09,199 --> 00:56:11,534
Am I the only one
who gets comedy?

992
00:56:11,618 --> 00:56:13,327
Rowley, will you
put me
in your cartoon?

993
00:56:13,412 --> 00:56:14,495
Sure.

994
00:56:14,580 --> 00:56:17,540
And me, too.
I want to be the one
who says, "Zoo-wee Mama."

995
00:56:17,624 --> 00:56:18,875
You got it!

996
00:56:18,959 --> 00:56:20,418
Hey, Rowley,
congratulations.

997
00:56:20,502 --> 00:56:21,669
Thanks.
No problem.

998
00:56:21,754 --> 00:56:24,547
You know, I read
all the submissions and yours
was by far the best.

999
00:56:24,631 --> 00:56:26,424
I read yours, too.

1000
00:56:26,925 --> 00:56:27,967
BRYCE: Hey, Rowley.

1001
00:56:28,052 --> 00:56:29,093
Hey, Bryce.

1002
00:56:29,178 --> 00:56:30,887
Yeah, hey, Bryce.

1003
00:56:30,971 --> 00:56:32,889
Hey, fella.

1004
00:56:33,766 --> 00:56:36,684
Wow. Everyone knows me now.

1005
00:56:37,269 --> 00:56:40,104
It's like I'm famous!
Isn't this great?

1006
00:56:40,814 --> 00:56:41,939
Yeah.

1007
00:56:42,274 --> 00:56:46,277
Rowley Jefferson?
I need to see you
in my office, now.

1008
00:56:51,492 --> 00:56:53,284
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

1009
00:56:57,956 --> 00:56:59,916
MR. WINSKY: I just took a call
from a Mrs. Irvine

1010
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,668
about what happened
to the kindergarteners
last week.

1011
00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:05,505
She was very upset.
And so am I.

1012
00:57:06,381 --> 00:57:07,381
What?

1013
00:57:07,466 --> 00:57:09,342
You violated
the sacred trust.

1014
00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:12,011
This...

1015
00:57:14,348 --> 00:57:18,267
This badge is supposed
to mean something,
and you just spat on it.

1016
00:57:18,352 --> 00:57:20,394
I can barely even
look at you.

1017
00:57:20,479 --> 00:57:21,437
I really don't...

1018
00:57:21,522 --> 00:57:22,814
Just save it.

1019
00:57:23,023 --> 00:57:26,109
You are officially suspended
from Safety Patrol.

1020
00:57:26,527 --> 00:57:29,821
And I expect a full apology
to the kindergarteners.

1021
00:57:30,614 --> 00:57:31,906
Yes, sir.

1022
00:57:40,833 --> 00:57:43,251
Hey. What did
he have to say?

1023
00:57:43,919 --> 00:57:45,461
I'm kicked off.

1024
00:57:45,838 --> 00:57:48,172
I don't even know
what he's talking about.

1025
00:57:51,135 --> 00:57:52,385
Rowley?

1026
00:57:54,429 --> 00:57:55,555
What?

1027
00:57:56,473 --> 00:57:57,723
Nothing.

1028
00:58:13,574 --> 00:58:17,618
You've been home for an hour
and haven't badgered me
for any snacks.

1029
00:58:17,703 --> 00:58:19,537
Are you feeling okay?

1030
00:58:20,747 --> 00:58:24,458
Well, I'm kind of
in a tough situation.

1031
00:58:25,419 --> 00:58:27,003
I know something

1032
00:58:27,087 --> 00:58:30,173
and if I tell
the truth about it,
it could hurt somebody.

1033
00:58:30,257 --> 00:58:33,342
But if I don't,
it could hurt
somebody else.

1034
00:58:33,427 --> 00:58:38,764
Well, you have to
trust your gut and
try to do the right thing,

1035
00:58:40,392 --> 00:58:44,812
because it's our choices
that make us who we are.

1036
00:58:47,608 --> 00:58:48,774
Okay.

1037
00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:54,113
GREG: I was up all night,
tossing and turning,

1038
00:58:54,198 --> 00:58:56,574
thinking about
my mom's advice.

1039
00:58:56,658 --> 00:58:59,619
And I finally decided
to do the right thing.

1040
00:59:00,913 --> 00:59:03,623
I'm sorry
I terrorized you, children.

1041
00:59:04,333 --> 00:59:05,499
What?

1042
00:59:06,251 --> 00:59:09,629
I decided to let Rowley
take one for the team.

1043
00:59:12,841 --> 00:59:17,011
But I'm not entirely sure
that was the right call.

1044
00:59:25,562 --> 00:59:27,021
Hey, how's it going?

1045
00:59:27,105 --> 00:59:31,150
Well, I was pretty upset
about being suspended
from Safety Patrol,

1046
00:59:31,235 --> 00:59:33,653
but then I just started
drawing a bunch
of Zoo-wee Mamas

1047
00:59:33,737 --> 00:59:35,279
and I felt better.

1048
00:59:35,364 --> 00:59:38,324
Look. I put you
in this week's cartoon.

1049
00:59:38,492 --> 00:59:41,285
And you even get to say,
"Zoo-wee Mama."

1050
00:59:41,870 --> 00:59:44,413
Wow. That's really

1051
00:59:47,334 --> 00:59:48,501
nice.

1052
00:59:49,836 --> 00:59:51,671
So, listen.

1053
00:59:51,755 --> 00:59:55,258
It's kind of funny, you know,
the whole Safety Patrol thing.

1054
00:59:55,342 --> 00:59:56,467
Yeah?

1055
00:59:57,135 --> 00:59:58,928
Ready for the funny part?

1056
00:59:59,012 --> 01:00:02,431
Well, I'm the one
who terrorized those kids!

1057
01:00:05,269 --> 01:00:06,852
What?
Yeah,

1058
01:00:07,104 --> 01:00:09,939
and I think we can both
learn some valuable lessons
from this.

1059
01:00:10,023 --> 01:00:14,402
Like, I should be more careful
what I do in front of
Mrs. Irvine's house.

1060
01:00:14,486 --> 01:00:16,529
And you, well,

1061
01:00:17,656 --> 01:00:20,032
you should be more careful
who you lend your coat to.

1062
01:00:23,537 --> 01:00:27,039
You know what, Greg?
You're not
a good friend.

1063
01:00:27,708 --> 01:00:30,459
Whoa. How could
you even say that?

1064
01:00:30,544 --> 01:00:31,669
I'm a great friend.

1065
01:00:31,753 --> 01:00:34,922
If you were a great friend,
you would have told
Mr. Winsky the truth.

1066
01:00:35,007 --> 01:00:37,717
Okay, one thing.
You can't get mad
about just...

1067
01:00:37,801 --> 01:00:40,386
You only care
about yourself.

1068
01:00:40,721 --> 01:00:42,638
You hated my cartoon.

1069
01:00:43,724 --> 01:00:47,393
You made fun of my clothes.
You disrespected Joshie.

1070
01:00:47,644 --> 01:00:51,063
You broke my hand
and you didn't even
seem sorry.

1071
01:00:51,148 --> 01:00:53,858
That broken hand
was the best thing
that ever happened to you!

1072
01:00:55,610 --> 01:00:57,236
Don't call me.

1073
01:00:57,946 --> 01:01:01,282
Don't come by my house.
We're done.

1074
01:01:19,384 --> 01:01:21,469
I thought the whole thing
would blow over.

1075
01:01:21,553 --> 01:01:24,555
But Rowley was still giving me
the silent treatment.

1076
01:01:24,639 --> 01:01:26,682
Even when I tried to
make the first move.

1077
01:01:26,767 --> 01:01:27,850
Yeah.

1078
01:01:32,272 --> 01:01:35,983
So, anyway, I was
so angry at him,
I didn't know what to say.

1079
01:01:37,235 --> 01:01:38,194
MR. WINSKY:
One of the kindergarteners

1080
01:01:38,278 --> 01:01:41,113
finally told their parents
the whole story.

1081
01:01:42,616 --> 01:01:47,119
Greg? You're relieved
of your Safety Patrol duties,
effective immediately.

1082
01:01:48,330 --> 01:01:49,705
Rowley,

1083
01:01:50,916 --> 01:01:54,877
for showing dignity
under false suspicion,
I am promoting you

1084
01:01:55,754 --> 01:01:56,879
to team captain.

1085
01:01:59,049 --> 01:02:03,552
Now, that's a position
that I held for two years.
I know you'll honor it.

1086
01:02:10,060 --> 01:02:12,812
(YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
BE MY FRIEND PLAYING)

1087
01:02:24,658 --> 01:02:25,866
Okay

1088
01:02:27,786 --> 01:02:30,496
You're supposed to
be my friend

1089
01:02:31,623 --> 01:02:33,833
We're supposed to get along

1090
01:02:35,085 --> 01:02:38,129
Hey, you're supposed to
be my friend

1091
01:02:39,589 --> 01:02:42,842
Hey, Rowley, my mom says
it's okay for me
to sleep over tonight.

1092
01:02:42,926 --> 01:02:44,260
Awesome!

1093
01:02:45,470 --> 01:02:49,432
GREG: The whole thing
with Rowley is, I was willing
to let bygones be bygones.

1094
01:02:49,516 --> 01:02:52,059
But then he made friends
with Collin
just to mess with me.

1095
01:02:52,144 --> 01:02:53,686
As if I even care if he...

1096
01:02:56,815 --> 01:02:58,858
Well, you know what?

1097
01:02:59,192 --> 01:03:00,860
Two can play at that game.

1098
01:03:01,736 --> 01:03:03,612
There's no
going back, Sergeant.

1099
01:03:03,697 --> 01:03:05,573
I need to board
the helicopter.

1100
01:03:05,657 --> 01:03:07,533
Do you have my back?

1101
01:03:07,617 --> 01:03:09,994
I will always
have your back, Captain.

1102
01:03:10,078 --> 01:03:12,955
Yeah, maybe I'll meet up
with some friends

1103
01:03:13,874 --> 01:03:16,667
Yeah, maybe I'll meet up
with some dogs

1104
01:03:17,711 --> 01:03:19,879
'Cause you're supposed to be

1105
01:03:19,963 --> 01:03:21,338
You're supposed to be

1106
01:03:21,423 --> 01:03:23,757
Supposed to be my friend

1107
01:03:23,842 --> 01:03:27,052
You're supposed to
be my friend now

1108
01:03:30,932 --> 01:03:32,016
Hey.

1109
01:03:32,434 --> 01:03:33,893
Hey, Greg Heffley.

1110
01:03:36,104 --> 01:03:40,357
So, I was thinking
maybe you might
want to have a sleepover?

1111
01:03:41,526 --> 01:03:43,569
Yeah. With who?

1112
01:03:44,696 --> 01:03:45,905
Me.

1113
01:03:46,239 --> 01:03:47,573
Yeah, when?

1114
01:03:48,825 --> 01:03:49,909
Now.

1115
01:03:51,077 --> 01:03:53,120
Greg Heffley,
I love you!

1116
01:03:53,205 --> 01:03:55,331
We are going to be
best friends forever!

1117
01:03:56,875 --> 01:03:59,251
Wanna have
a tickle fight?

1118
01:04:03,423 --> 01:04:05,925
Okay.
Let's get inside.

1119
01:04:08,595 --> 01:04:10,346
FREGLEY: I can't believe it!

1120
01:04:10,639 --> 01:04:14,725
Greg Heffley's in my room!
Greg Heffley's
in my room, Rebecca.

1121
01:04:15,018 --> 01:04:17,937
What do you want to do,
Greg Heffley?
How about Twister?

1122
01:04:18,021 --> 01:04:20,898
GREG: I'm not really
that much of a Twister guy.

1123
01:04:21,858 --> 01:04:23,108
Candy!
Wait!

1124
01:04:23,193 --> 01:04:25,569
No, no, no!
Fregley, come on! Really!

1125
01:04:25,779 --> 01:04:27,571
I really think
we should save those
for later!

1126
01:04:27,656 --> 01:04:29,156
Maybe we should
go outside and...

1127
01:04:29,241 --> 01:04:30,783
My mom doesn't
let me have sugar.

1128
01:04:30,867 --> 01:04:34,495
She says high glucose
in my diet
induces hyperactivity.

1129
01:04:35,914 --> 01:04:37,748
But it's so good!

1130
01:04:38,250 --> 01:04:39,875
Greg Heffley, you want
to jumpety-jump?

1131
01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:41,710
Yeah, you know
what, Fregley?
I just remembered,

1132
01:04:41,795 --> 01:04:44,255
I have an appointment,
a really important
appointment.

1133
01:04:44,339 --> 01:04:48,300
It's a homework appointment.
Yeah, and I really
should be going.

1134
01:04:51,513 --> 01:04:52,846
Get away from me!

1135
01:04:52,931 --> 01:04:53,931
(EXCLAIMING)

1136
01:04:55,642 --> 01:04:58,352
I can fly! Whoa.

1137
01:04:58,603 --> 01:05:00,604
How fun,
Greg Heffley!

1138
01:05:01,064 --> 01:05:05,526
Greg? Greg, Greg,
Greg, Greg, Greg?
Greg? Greg?

1139
01:05:05,610 --> 01:05:06,902
(BANGING ON DOOR)

1140
01:05:07,153 --> 01:05:09,780
I hear you breathing,
Greg Heffley.

1141
01:05:36,433 --> 01:05:38,017
FREGLEY: Dear Gregory

1142
01:05:38,184 --> 01:05:41,687
I'm very sorry I chased you
with a booger on my finger.

1143
01:05:42,188 --> 01:05:45,482
Here, I put it on this paper
so you can get me back.

1144
01:05:59,205 --> 01:06:00,372
What?

1145
01:06:04,836 --> 01:06:06,170
All right.

1146
01:06:07,213 --> 01:06:11,800
GREG: Okay, enough.
I'll show Rowley
I don't need him.

1147
01:06:11,885 --> 01:06:14,637
When he sees me
in the yearbook
as Most Talented,

1148
01:06:14,721 --> 01:06:16,722
he's gonna come running back.

1149
01:06:18,933 --> 01:06:22,853
Okay, since there are
so many of you
here auditioning,

1150
01:06:22,937 --> 01:06:27,733
to save time,
we're gonna do a group sing
of one of my favorite songs.

1151
01:06:27,817 --> 01:06:30,527
Please refer to the lyrics
on this handout.

1152
01:06:30,612 --> 01:06:34,239
I will pick out
the best voices
and place you accordingly.

1153
01:06:37,869 --> 01:06:39,745
(ALL SINGING OUT OF TUNE)

1154
01:07:15,573 --> 01:07:17,616
(GREG SINGING MELODIOUSLY)

1155
01:07:24,624 --> 01:07:25,874
(SCOFFS)

1156
01:07:36,803 --> 01:07:42,015
Greg Heffley, what a lovely
soprano voice you have.
I'm stunned!

1157
01:07:42,976 --> 01:07:44,852
Maybe you should be Dorothy!

1158
01:07:48,815 --> 01:07:50,774
No, no, I can't be...
No!

1159
01:07:51,234 --> 01:07:54,486
Greg Heffley was suspended
from the school
Safety Patrol!

1160
01:07:54,571 --> 01:07:58,157
How can you trust him
with the lead role
in the play?

1161
01:07:58,283 --> 01:08:00,451
He can't be Dorothy!
I'm Dorothy!

1162
01:08:00,535 --> 01:08:01,660
All right, Patty,
calm down.

1163
01:08:01,745 --> 01:08:03,787
I'm Dorothy! I am!

1164
01:08:04,038 --> 01:08:07,374
My mother
is the president
of the P.T.A.

1165
01:08:07,459 --> 01:08:09,668
She can ruin your life!

1166
01:08:10,378 --> 01:08:11,920
Just an idea.

1167
01:08:12,005 --> 01:08:13,005
(SCOFFS)

1168
01:08:13,173 --> 01:08:17,593
All right, well, Greg,
your voice is too high for
any of the other male roles.

1169
01:08:17,677 --> 01:08:19,678
Perhaps you can be a tree!

1170
01:08:19,971 --> 01:08:21,180
A tree?

1171
01:08:22,223 --> 01:08:23,432
No way.

1172
01:08:25,059 --> 01:08:26,059
(SCOFFS)

1173
01:08:29,856 --> 01:08:32,983
(WHISPERS) The trees
get to throw apples
at Patty Farrell.

1174
01:08:33,693 --> 01:08:35,819
Haven't you
seen the movie?

1175
01:08:36,154 --> 01:08:37,571
(PATTY BLOWING KISSES)

1176
01:08:45,914 --> 01:08:48,207
Wait, we don't
get arm holes?

1177
01:08:48,291 --> 01:08:50,626
How are we gonna throw apples
at Dorothy without arm holes?

1178
01:08:50,710 --> 01:08:53,796
You don't need arm holes
because nobody's
throwing any apples.

1179
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:57,674
We're not doing the movie.
In my version,
the trees sing.

1180
01:08:57,842 --> 01:08:59,551
These, my dear.

1181
01:08:59,719 --> 01:09:03,388
(ALL SINGING)
Down the winding yellow road

1182
01:09:03,765 --> 01:09:07,810
Doth she know
to where it goes

1183
01:09:07,894 --> 01:09:11,480
With her dog
so small and true

1184
01:09:11,606 --> 01:09:14,149
We hope she fares well

1185
01:09:14,234 --> 01:09:18,403
Yes, we do

1186
01:09:22,116 --> 01:09:23,325
(SCREAMING)

1187
01:09:24,077 --> 01:09:27,204
ARCHIE: My tooth!
I think I knocked out
my tooth!

1188
01:09:27,288 --> 01:09:29,790
Perhaps we should
cut out some arm holes.

1189
01:09:29,874 --> 01:09:31,583
GIRL: Is he okay?
You think?

1190
01:09:37,298 --> 01:09:38,549
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1191
01:09:45,181 --> 01:09:48,684
Isn't this exciting?
Your son's in a play.

1192
01:09:48,768 --> 01:09:52,437
Yeah, sure.
It's not wrestling,
but...

1193
01:09:55,316 --> 01:09:57,150
But at least it's something.
PATTY: Come on, Toto.

1194
01:09:57,235 --> 01:10:01,113
Let us explore
this magical path!

1195
01:10:01,197 --> 01:10:02,197
(BARKING)

1196
01:10:08,454 --> 01:10:09,538
Bubby!

1197
01:10:09,622 --> 01:10:10,789
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

1198
01:10:10,874 --> 01:10:13,333
Bubby! Bubby!

1199
01:10:13,418 --> 01:10:14,960
Bubby.

1200
01:10:17,755 --> 01:10:20,966
Hey, Bubby, I think
you dropped an apple.

1201
01:10:21,092 --> 01:10:22,092
Huh?

1202
01:10:25,555 --> 01:10:29,224
(SINGING) We three trees
from yonder glen

1203
01:10:29,309 --> 01:10:33,896
Do spy a fair
and sweet maiden

1204
01:10:33,980 --> 01:10:37,524
Whilst we're rooted
to our spots

1205
01:10:37,609 --> 01:10:42,154
In silver slippers
she doth trot

1206
01:10:42,322 --> 01:10:45,908
Down the winding yellow road

1207
01:10:45,992 --> 01:10:46,950
Oh, yes.

1208
01:10:47,035 --> 01:10:50,329
Doth she know
to where it goes

1209
01:10:50,413 --> 01:10:51,538
You're dead.

1210
01:10:51,623 --> 01:10:54,249
With her dog
so small and true

1211
01:10:54,334 --> 01:10:56,627
We hope she fares well

1212
01:10:56,711 --> 01:11:00,797
Yes, we do

1213
01:11:00,882 --> 01:11:03,508
We three trees from...

1214
01:11:09,098 --> 01:11:10,807
From yonder glen!

1215
01:11:10,892 --> 01:11:14,353
Wish her joy
through journey's end!

1216
01:11:17,607 --> 01:11:24,279
Sing!

1217
01:11:24,364 --> 01:11:25,656
BOY: This bites!

1218
01:11:25,990 --> 01:11:27,950
PATTY: Come on,
Greg Heffley!

1219
01:11:28,034 --> 01:11:31,453
Stop ruining the play
like you ruin
everything else!

1220
01:11:32,455 --> 01:11:36,291
Don't make me
come over there
and beat you up again!

1221
01:11:36,376 --> 01:11:37,542
(EXCLAIMS ANGRILY)

1222
01:11:41,172 --> 01:11:42,381
(YELLING)

1223
01:11:42,799 --> 01:11:43,799
(GRUNTS)

1224
01:11:49,889 --> 01:11:53,600
Eat this!

1225
01:11:57,981 --> 01:11:58,981
Wow.

1226
01:12:09,409 --> 01:12:10,409
(LAUGHS)

1227
01:12:10,493 --> 01:12:11,493
(GROANS)

1228
01:12:13,871 --> 01:12:15,831
FRANK: What'd you think?
I thought he was
the best one up there.

1229
01:12:15,915 --> 01:12:17,374
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Dad.

1230
01:12:17,458 --> 01:12:18,709
You know, I'm...

1231
01:12:20,128 --> 01:12:21,128
(SIGHS)

1232
01:12:25,591 --> 01:12:27,759
I thought
Dorothy deserved it.

1233
01:12:29,595 --> 01:12:31,138
Thanks, Dad.

1234
01:12:32,265 --> 01:12:34,725
You got some
good shots in there.

1235
01:12:39,188 --> 01:12:40,188
(DOOR OPENING)

1236
01:12:41,524 --> 01:12:43,775
Look what I found
in the trash.

1237
01:12:43,860 --> 01:12:45,527
Guess you threw it
away by accident.

1238
01:12:46,154 --> 01:12:47,362
Give it back, Rodrick!

1239
01:12:47,447 --> 01:12:49,322
No way!
You want it?

1240
01:12:49,407 --> 01:12:51,283
Come and get it then!
Come on.

1241
01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:53,035
Give it!
Come on!

1242
01:12:53,119 --> 01:12:55,370
Use your muscular legs!
No, you can't have it.

1243
01:12:55,455 --> 01:12:56,955
Okay, okay, boys!
Give it back!

1244
01:12:57,040 --> 01:12:58,290
Hold on, don't you want it?
Okay!

1245
01:12:58,374 --> 01:12:59,791
It's for you.

1246
01:13:00,626 --> 01:13:01,626
(GASPS)

1247
01:13:01,711 --> 01:13:04,755
It's an invitation
for the Mother and Son
Sweetheart Dance.

1248
01:13:04,839 --> 01:13:05,881
(SIGHS)

1249
01:13:05,965 --> 01:13:07,924
I knew you didn't want
to miss that.

1250
01:13:08,009 --> 01:13:09,468
It looks like a lot of fun.

1251
01:13:09,552 --> 01:13:12,554
I think you should go.
I think
it'd be a lot of fun.

1252
01:13:12,638 --> 01:13:15,849
GREG: Fun?
That's the exact opposite
of fun!

1253
01:13:17,018 --> 01:13:20,812
This entire year
has been terrible
and nobody even cares!

1254
01:13:20,938 --> 01:13:23,315
My family, my best friend.

1255
01:13:23,941 --> 01:13:27,194
Well, I'm sick of it.
Somebody needs to pay.

1256
01:13:32,075 --> 01:13:36,411
Okay, Manny, I'm putting
this Tootsie Roll
in Rodrick's backpack.

1257
01:13:37,163 --> 01:13:41,833
It's for Rodrick,
so whatever you do,
don't touch the Tootsie Roll.

1258
01:13:42,752 --> 01:13:44,002
Mmm-hmm.

1259
01:13:47,173 --> 01:13:50,300
Greg? Coaster.
Where's he...

1260
01:13:52,512 --> 01:13:55,680
Manny?
Where did you get that?

1261
01:14:02,563 --> 01:14:05,023
Oh, my.
That's offensive.

1262
01:14:06,359 --> 01:14:07,818
(PLAYING HEAVY METAL MUSIC)

1263
01:14:13,825 --> 01:14:16,118
Rodrick? Rodrick!

1264
01:14:17,453 --> 01:14:20,038
I need to talk to you
inside! Now!

1265
01:14:20,706 --> 01:14:24,126
Go ahead and talk.
We're a band
and we have no secrets.

1266
01:14:24,210 --> 01:14:25,502
Okay, fine.

1267
01:14:25,586 --> 01:14:27,045
What is this?

1268
01:14:29,715 --> 01:14:30,841
It's not mine.

1269
01:14:30,925 --> 01:14:32,300
It was in your backpack.

1270
01:14:32,385 --> 01:14:34,553
No, it was in my room.

1271
01:14:35,680 --> 01:14:36,680
(EXCLAIMS)

1272
01:14:37,181 --> 01:14:40,433
Does owning this magazine
make you a better person?

1273
01:14:41,519 --> 01:14:42,519
No.

1274
01:14:42,603 --> 01:14:44,396
Did it make you
more popular at school?

1275
01:14:44,480 --> 01:14:45,730
(LAUGHING) Yes!

1276
01:14:46,482 --> 01:14:47,774
No.

1277
01:14:47,859 --> 01:14:52,654
How do you feel
about having owned
this type of magazine?

1278
01:14:54,240 --> 01:14:56,116
Ashamed!
BAND MATE: Nice.

1279
01:14:56,200 --> 01:14:57,200
Hmm.

1280
01:14:59,579 --> 01:15:03,165
Do you have anything
you wanna say to women

1281
01:15:03,249 --> 01:15:07,127
for having owned
this offensive magazine?

1282
01:15:08,713 --> 01:15:10,088
I'm sorry, women.

1283
01:15:10,256 --> 01:15:11,298
Yeah, women.

1284
01:15:11,382 --> 01:15:12,924
Yeah.

1285
01:15:15,553 --> 01:15:18,763
You're grounded
for two weeks.

1286
01:15:19,056 --> 01:15:22,184
Okay, settle down, Susan!
I think one week is plenty!

1287
01:15:22,268 --> 01:15:25,979
Make it four weeks
and I'm gonna need
the keys to your van!

1288
01:15:26,439 --> 01:15:27,606
My van?

1289
01:15:28,733 --> 01:15:31,276
Yeah! Yeah.

1290
01:15:33,112 --> 01:15:34,279
Yeah.

1291
01:15:36,449 --> 01:15:37,782
ROWLEY: Hello?

1292
01:15:39,035 --> 01:15:40,285
Hello?

1293
01:15:46,751 --> 01:15:48,627
(LE FREAK PLAYING)

1294
01:15:53,758 --> 01:15:55,550
PHOTOGRAPHER:
All right, smile.

1295
01:15:55,885 --> 01:15:58,845
Look at this place!
Wanna dance?

1296
01:15:59,513 --> 01:16:02,057
Mom, stop dancing.
You're embarrassing me.

1297
01:16:02,141 --> 01:16:05,310
Come on.
I'm just keeping time
to the music.

1298
01:16:05,394 --> 01:16:07,938
I'm begging you,
please stop it.

1299
01:16:08,022 --> 01:16:09,981
Okay, okay, okay.

1300
01:16:12,068 --> 01:16:13,276
Thanks, honey.

1301
01:16:14,487 --> 01:16:15,737
Hi!

1302
01:16:15,821 --> 01:16:18,198
Well, if we're
not here to dance,

1303
01:16:18,282 --> 01:16:20,700
maybe you should
go talk to Rowley.

1304
01:16:21,035 --> 01:16:23,578
I think it's time
you two made up.

1305
01:16:24,163 --> 01:16:25,413
I can't.

1306
01:16:26,165 --> 01:16:30,126
Sweetheart,
he's your best friend.

1307
01:16:31,128 --> 01:16:34,631
And sometimes,
when somebody's worth it,

1308
01:16:34,715 --> 01:16:37,175
you just have to
put yourself out there.

1309
01:16:39,804 --> 01:16:41,930
I wouldn't know
what to say.

1310
01:16:42,348 --> 01:16:45,558
Well, I could go
for an ice cream
after the dance.

1311
01:16:45,643 --> 01:16:48,228
Maybe you could
invite him to join us.

1312
01:16:48,396 --> 01:16:49,479
Yeah.

1313
01:16:55,778 --> 01:16:57,195
Hey, Rowley.

1314
01:16:59,156 --> 01:17:00,282
Hey.

1315
01:17:00,616 --> 01:17:04,286
So you want to go
get some ice cream after?

1316
01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:07,539
I'm sorry.
We already have plans.

1317
01:17:09,125 --> 01:17:11,710
Yeah. We do.

1318
01:17:13,546 --> 01:17:18,174
Oh, fine.
My mom wanted me to ask.
So I did.

1319
01:17:18,592 --> 01:17:20,719
I didn't even want to go.

1320
01:17:29,687 --> 01:17:30,895
Well?

1321
01:17:34,525 --> 01:17:36,484
Honey, I'm sorry.

1322
01:17:37,361 --> 01:17:39,321
(INTERGALACTIC PLAYING)

1323
01:17:41,365 --> 01:17:42,574
Yeah!

1324
01:17:54,337 --> 01:17:57,714
(SINGING) Well, now,
don't you tell me to smile

1325
01:17:57,798 --> 01:17:59,674
You stick around
I'll make it worth your while

1326
01:17:59,759 --> 01:18:02,260
Got numbers
beyond what you can dial

1327
01:18:02,345 --> 01:18:04,512
Maybe it's because
I'm so versatile

1328
01:18:04,597 --> 01:18:06,806
Style profile, I said

1329
01:18:06,891 --> 01:18:09,059
It always brings me back
when I hear, Ooh, Child

1330
01:18:09,143 --> 01:18:11,269
From the Hudson River
out to the Nile

1331
01:18:11,354 --> 01:18:13,480
I run the marathon
till the very last mile

1332
01:18:13,564 --> 01:18:15,899
If you battle me
I will revile

1333
01:18:15,983 --> 01:18:18,068
People always say
my style is wild

1334
01:18:18,152 --> 01:18:20,403
You've got gall,
you've got guile

1335
01:18:20,488 --> 01:18:22,697
To step to me,
I'm a rapophile

1336
01:18:22,782 --> 01:18:24,866
If you want to battle,
you're in denial

1337
01:18:24,950 --> 01:18:27,160
Coming from Uranus
to check my style

1338
01:18:27,244 --> 01:18:29,412
Go ahead,
put my rhymes on trial

1339
01:18:29,497 --> 01:18:31,748
Cast you off into exile

1340
01:18:43,094 --> 01:18:45,345
GREG: You have
got to be kidding me.

1341
01:18:58,818 --> 01:19:00,985
BOY: Hey, what's up?
GIRL: Hey.

1342
01:19:10,663 --> 01:19:14,249
Hey.

1343
01:19:15,167 --> 01:19:17,919
So, I left
my racing game
at your house

1344
01:19:18,003 --> 01:19:20,130
and Collin's
sleeping over tonight.

1345
01:19:20,214 --> 01:19:21,840
So I need it back.

1346
01:19:22,675 --> 01:19:24,926
What? No way.

1347
01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:26,553
Finders, keepers.

1348
01:19:26,679 --> 01:19:28,930
You didn't find it,
I left it.

1349
01:19:29,932 --> 01:19:33,059
Fine, then leavers, losers.

1350
01:19:34,186 --> 01:19:36,271
That's not even
a real thing.

1351
01:19:36,355 --> 01:19:37,814
It is if I say it is.

1352
01:19:37,898 --> 01:19:39,441
It's my game.

1353
01:19:39,525 --> 01:19:40,692
Do you know what?

1354
01:19:40,776 --> 01:19:43,736
You wouldn't even
have that game
if I hadn't told you about it.

1355
01:19:43,821 --> 01:19:45,738
You wouldn't have
half the stuff
you have without me.

1356
01:19:45,823 --> 01:19:48,241
Yeah, like
a broken hand!

1357
01:19:49,869 --> 01:19:51,703
That was
a million years ago.

1358
01:19:51,787 --> 01:19:53,455
ROWLEY: It clicks now!

1359
01:19:54,039 --> 01:19:56,708
Hear that?
Click, click,
click, click.

1360
01:19:56,792 --> 01:19:58,585
And it's all
your fault!

1361
01:19:58,669 --> 01:20:00,003
It was an accident!

1362
01:20:00,087 --> 01:20:02,922
Kick his butt,
Rowley! It's easy.

1363
01:20:03,090 --> 01:20:05,300
Guys, Greg and Rowley
are gonna fight.

1364
01:20:05,384 --> 01:20:17,228
Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!

1365
01:20:27,865 --> 01:20:31,493
PATTY: Come on,
what's wrong with you guys?
Start punching!

1366
01:20:33,746 --> 01:20:34,787
You start.

1367
01:20:34,872 --> 01:20:35,997
You start it.

1368
01:20:36,081 --> 01:20:37,499
No, you!

1369
01:20:39,043 --> 01:20:40,585
Quit copying me!

1370
01:20:41,295 --> 01:20:44,756
This has got to be
the worst fight ever!
Do something!

1371
01:20:53,766 --> 01:20:54,891
(ALL EXCLAIM)

1372
01:20:55,935 --> 01:21:00,188
Well, well, well.
Look who we have here.

1373
01:21:00,940 --> 01:21:03,107
You're so
freaking dead.

1374
01:21:03,317 --> 01:21:06,027
All you guys better scram
or I'm gonna
kick your butts, too!

1375
01:21:06,111 --> 01:21:07,612
(ALL SCREAMING)

1376
01:21:08,030 --> 01:21:09,656
Not you two.

1377
01:21:12,952 --> 01:21:17,622
You guys have no idea
what I'm gonna do to you.

1378
01:21:17,790 --> 01:21:18,790
Oh, um...

1379
01:21:20,793 --> 01:21:22,544
What are we gonna do?

1380
01:21:23,629 --> 01:21:25,338
I don't know.
We need to move this along.

1381
01:21:25,422 --> 01:21:28,216
My shift at Cinnabon
starts in half an hour.

1382
01:21:44,567 --> 01:21:47,735
I know what we're gonna do.
Give me the wide one.

1383
01:21:47,945 --> 01:21:49,988
That's you,
let's go.

1384
01:21:51,991 --> 01:21:53,449
Pick it up.

1385
01:21:53,534 --> 01:21:55,159
But...
Pick it up.

1386
01:22:10,175 --> 01:22:12,135
Now eat it.

1387
01:22:12,886 --> 01:22:13,886
No!

1388
01:22:13,971 --> 01:22:17,307
Eat it or I'll shove
the entire thing
down your throat.

1389
01:22:23,355 --> 01:22:24,522
(GAGGING)

1390
01:22:30,404 --> 01:22:32,780
GREG: I don't even want to say
exactly what happened

1391
01:22:32,865 --> 01:22:36,367
because if Rowley ever tries
to run for President

1392
01:22:36,493 --> 01:22:39,454
and someone finds out
what these guys made him do,

1393
01:22:39,538 --> 01:22:41,456
he won't have a chance.

1394
01:22:41,540 --> 01:22:42,874
PETE: Now you.

1395
01:22:43,042 --> 01:22:45,001
But I'm allergic
to dairy!

1396
01:22:45,085 --> 01:22:47,670
I'll die, and then
you'll go to jail! And...

1397
01:22:47,755 --> 01:22:49,213
MALONE: Hey!

1398
01:22:49,381 --> 01:22:50,548
What are you doing
on school property?

1399
01:22:50,633 --> 01:22:51,716
WADE: Go, go, go!

1400
01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:52,967
CARTER: Shotgun!

1401
01:22:53,052 --> 01:22:55,219
Pete Hosey,
is that you?

1402
01:23:00,017 --> 01:23:01,517
You boys okay?

1403
01:23:02,645 --> 01:23:04,228
Yeah? All right.

1404
01:23:08,067 --> 01:23:11,235
Out of my way!
Out of my way!

1405
01:23:20,788 --> 01:23:22,747
Oh, my God.

1406
01:23:24,166 --> 01:23:25,750
Rowley Jefferson ate...

1407
01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:27,585
I ate the cheese!

1408
01:23:44,937 --> 01:23:47,230
Yeah. I ate it.

1409
01:23:48,023 --> 01:23:50,024
And you know
what, people?

1410
01:23:50,609 --> 01:23:52,902
I just did
you all a huge favor.

1411
01:23:55,030 --> 01:23:58,950
I ate the cheese
to show you all how stupid
this whole school is.

1412
01:24:00,452 --> 01:24:01,869
The wrong friends.

1413
01:24:03,497 --> 01:24:05,373
The wrong lunch table.

1414
01:24:06,291 --> 01:24:07,959
The wrong butt?

1415
01:24:09,378 --> 01:24:11,504
It's all meaningless.

1416
01:24:12,131 --> 01:24:14,298
Just like this cheese.

1417
01:24:15,801 --> 01:24:18,177
I know it.
You all know it.

1418
01:24:18,679 --> 01:24:20,221
So come on.

1419
01:24:20,723 --> 01:24:24,559
Everyone else
who's sick of it,
step forward and join me!

1420
01:24:27,479 --> 01:24:30,565
Cheese Touch!
Greg Heffley
has the Cheese Touch!

1421
01:24:30,649 --> 01:24:31,816
ALL: Run!

1422
01:24:31,900 --> 01:24:34,152
BOY: He's got
the Cheese Touch!

1423
01:24:43,203 --> 01:24:46,789
Not bad, Heffley.
Not bad at all.

1424
01:24:59,344 --> 01:25:02,764
So you want to
come over
after school and

1425
01:25:04,224 --> 01:25:05,349
play?

1426
01:25:09,229 --> 01:25:10,438
Yeah.

1427
01:25:13,901 --> 01:25:15,109
Okay.

1428
01:25:24,244 --> 01:25:26,162
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

1429
01:25:30,542 --> 01:25:33,169
PATTY: Here's your yearbook.
Have a great summer.

1430
01:25:33,253 --> 01:25:34,962
Here's your yearbook.
Have a great summer.

1431
01:25:35,047 --> 01:25:36,172
Thanks!

1432
01:25:36,632 --> 01:25:38,424
Here's your yearbook.
Have a great summer.

1433
01:25:38,509 --> 01:25:39,926
Thanks, Patty.

1434
01:25:40,010 --> 01:25:43,638
Here's your yearbook.
You're not in it that much.

1435
01:25:43,722 --> 01:25:46,390
Maybe try to get out there
a little next year.

1436
01:25:46,475 --> 01:25:48,434
You know what, Patty?

1437
01:25:48,519 --> 01:25:51,687
One day middle school will end
and become high school.

1438
01:25:51,772 --> 01:25:54,315
And after that,
it just becomes life.

1439
01:25:54,399 --> 01:25:59,320
And all those things
you think are important now
won't be anymore.

1440
01:25:59,905 --> 01:26:01,906
(SCOFFS) You wish.

1441
01:26:03,742 --> 01:26:05,201
(EXCLAIMING) As if!

1442
01:26:07,746 --> 01:26:10,039
Handing it to you
is like touching you

1443
01:26:10,123 --> 01:26:13,876
and I am way too smart
to touch somebody
who ate the cheese.

1444
01:26:14,503 --> 01:26:18,130
Rowley!
Have a great summer!

1445
01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:19,882
Stay cool.

1446
01:26:20,884 --> 01:26:24,053
Yep, you're way too smart
for me, Patty Farrell.

1447
01:26:24,429 --> 01:26:25,429
(SCOFFS)

1448
01:26:27,099 --> 01:26:28,391
(LAUGHING)

1449
01:26:28,559 --> 01:26:30,852
So the year
turned out pretty good.

1450
01:26:30,936 --> 01:26:34,063
My goal was to be
a class favorite,
and I made it.

1451
01:26:34,147 --> 01:26:38,401
Even if it wasn't exactly
the way I planned it.

1452
01:26:39,278 --> 01:26:41,654
Zoo-wee Mama!

1453
01:26:44,074 --> 01:26:46,117
(WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME
PLAYING)

1454
01:26:46,201 --> 01:26:48,786
Hey! Oh!

1455
01:26:55,294 --> 01:26:57,545
I don't wanna
waste my time again

1456
01:26:57,629 --> 01:26:59,797
By getting wasted
with so-called friends

1457
01:26:59,882 --> 01:27:01,132
'Cause they don't know me

1458
01:27:01,216 --> 01:27:04,510
But they pretend to be
part of my social scenery

1459
01:27:04,595 --> 01:27:06,345
Hey, maybe I'm a critic,
a cynic

1460
01:27:06,430 --> 01:27:09,223
Or am I jaded
or am I afraid of it?

1461
01:27:09,308 --> 01:27:10,600
'Cause It's dragging me down

1462
01:27:10,684 --> 01:27:11,767
It's bumming me out

1463
01:27:11,852 --> 01:27:15,855
It's making my head spin
round and round

1464
01:27:16,481 --> 01:27:17,523
Can you say, "Hey?"

1465
01:27:17,608 --> 01:27:18,733
Can you say, "Oh?"

1466
01:27:18,817 --> 01:27:21,110
That's right,
what do you want from me?

1467
01:27:21,194 --> 01:27:22,361
Can you say, "Hey?"

1468
01:27:22,446 --> 01:27:23,446
Can you say, "Oh?"

1469
01:27:23,530 --> 01:27:25,948
That's right,
what do you want from me?

1470
01:27:26,033 --> 01:27:28,034
I get the feeling
we're on to something

1471
01:27:28,118 --> 01:27:30,411
I say jump
and you start jumping

1472
01:27:30,495 --> 01:27:31,787
Can you say, "Hey?"

1473
01:27:31,872 --> 01:27:33,039
Can you say, "Oh?"

1474
01:27:33,123 --> 01:27:35,666
That's right,
what do you want from me?

1475
01:27:35,751 --> 01:27:37,960
Just another day
in the life of me

1476
01:27:38,045 --> 01:27:40,254
It's 3:00 am,
and I can't sleep

1477
01:27:40,339 --> 01:27:41,964
Maybe I'm a critic, a cynic

1478
01:27:42,049 --> 01:27:44,842
Or am I crazy?
Do they all hate me?

1479
01:27:44,927 --> 01:27:47,261
'Cause they pick me up
and throw me down

1480
01:27:47,346 --> 01:27:51,849
It's making my head spin
round and round

1481
01:27:52,517 --> 01:27:53,517
(EXCLAIMS)

1482
01:27:54,353 --> 01:27:55,478
Can you say, "Hey?"

1483
01:27:55,562 --> 01:27:56,687
Can you say, "Oh?"

1484
01:27:56,772 --> 01:27:59,065
That's right,
what do you want from me?

1485
01:27:59,149 --> 01:28:00,316
Can you say, "Hey?"

1486
01:28:00,400 --> 01:28:01,442
Can you say, "Oh?"

1487
01:28:01,526 --> 01:28:03,486
That's right,
what do you want from me?

1488
01:28:03,570 --> 01:28:05,780
I get the feeling,
we're on to something

1489
01:28:05,864 --> 01:28:08,407
I say jump
and you start jumping

1490
01:28:08,492 --> 01:28:09,617
Can you say, "Hey?"

1491
01:28:09,701 --> 01:28:10,952
Can you say, "Oh?"

1492
01:28:11,036 --> 01:28:13,162
That's right,
now what do you want from me?

1493
01:28:13,246 --> 01:28:14,413
Can you say, "Hey?"

1494
01:28:14,498 --> 01:28:15,623
Can you say, "Oh?"

1495
01:28:15,707 --> 01:28:17,833
That's right,
what do you want from me?

1496
01:28:17,918 --> 01:28:19,126
Can you say, "Hey?"

1497
01:28:19,211 --> 01:28:20,294
Can you say, "Oh?"

1498
01:28:20,379 --> 01:28:22,505
That's right,
what do you want from me?

1499
01:28:22,589 --> 01:28:24,632
I get the feeling,
we're on to something

1500
01:28:24,716 --> 01:28:27,343
I say jump
and you start jumping

1501
01:28:27,427 --> 01:28:28,594
Can you say, "Hey?"

1502
01:28:28,679 --> 01:28:29,804
Can you say, "Oh?"

1503
01:28:29,888 --> 01:28:32,056
That's right,
what do you want from me?

1504
01:32:29,628 --> 01:32:30,628
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