1 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:06,700 We're approaching insertion target area, about a mile from your D.Z. 2 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,700 You ready, WD-40? 3 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,200 I never felt more ready in my life. 4 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:18,700 Oh, damn! What the hell-- Steele, are you crazy? 5 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,800 Good afternoon, WD-40. 6 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,100 We now begin "the free world's in double jeopardy" round of your mission. 7 00:00:26,300 --> 00:00:28,800 - He's a sadistic criminal mastermind... 8 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,600 and international arms dealer who has brokered a deal... 9 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:36,400 to sell a stolen Scorpion missile to a Middle Eastern terrorist cell. 10 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,700 The question is. Who is Rancor? 11 00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:41,100 That's right. General Derwood Rancor. 12 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:45,100 So why don't you begin your mission. And good luck to you, WD-40. 13 00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:49,000 And don't forget, WD-40, as always, 14 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,600 this tape will self-destruct in three seconds. 15 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:57,500 Steele! 16 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,400 General Rancor, your chopper's waiting. 17 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:51,200 Fine. Be there in a minute. I ain't done with this one yet. 18 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,200 Talk to me, boy! 19 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:59,400 He doesn't want to talk. Take him outside and shoot him. 20 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:15,000 And when you shoot him, use the silencer. 21 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,600 Thank you. Have a nice flight. 22 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,000 Have a great flight. 23 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,000 - Enjoy destroying the world, sir. - Thank you, ma'am, I will. 24 00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:45,400 I'm going in there. 25 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:49,400 My God! Look at you. 26 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,600 - You are such an incredible man. 27 00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:58,600 It's my job, darling. I do it for my country. 28 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,600 Hmm? Oh. Good luck. 29 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,300 Luck's got nothing to do with it. 30 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,800 Nothing can stop me now! 31 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:33,700 Not even that sanctimonious secret agent Boy Scout Dick-- 32 00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:35,900 Y oo-hoo! 33 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,700 Steele? 34 00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:47,100 - Oh, Dick, don't drop me! - Hold on! Whoa! Don't! 35 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:51,200 - Grab my wrist! - Oh! 36 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:58,400 Whoa! 37 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,200 - Don't drop me, Dick! Don't drop me! 38 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,200 - Honey? 39 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:31,300 A man of intrigue He lives for the thrill 40 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:40,300 Always has places to go and people to kill 41 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,100 Danger is the game he plays 42 00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:50,500 And he holds every card 43 00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:53,500 'Cause if you wanna win 44 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:57,400 You gotta spy hard 45 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:05,200 A man of the world so suave and discreet 46 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:13,200 He trips over the women piled up at his feet 47 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,400 But evil's lurking 48 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:24,200 So he's always on his guard 49 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,300 'Cause if you're gonna spy 50 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:32,800 You better spy hard 51 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,300 He's always there 52 00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:41,100 When the chips are beginning to fall 53 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:44,600 He wouldn't care 54 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:47,300 If they kicked him and grabbed him 55 00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,400 And shot him and stabbed him 56 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:53,300 And nailed both his ears to the wall 57 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,500 Facing death every day 58 00:05:57,700 --> 00:06:01,000 Is a tough job for any man 59 00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:05,800 But his hours are flexible 60 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:09,300 And he's got a great dental plan 61 00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:14,700 By the way if you walked in late 62 00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:18,700 Allow me to reiterate 63 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:22,400 The name of this movie 64 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:26,200 Is Spy Hard 65 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:30,400 They call it Spy Hard 66 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,000 You're watching Spy Hard 67 00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:40,700 It's the theme from Spy Hard 68 00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:11,600 Sir, I hate to disturb you, but we're picking up something interesting on the compound... 69 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,200 - infrared detection system. - Well, what is it? 70 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,500 Oh, it's this really neat security system, sir. 71 00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:21,000 - It picks up the body heat on the intruders-- - Fine! What is it detecting? 72 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:25,500 Oh, well, it looks like Agent Barbara Dahl, sir. 73 00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:34,800 Barbara Dahl? 74 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,400 Hot damn! At last! 75 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,500 Arm me. 76 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,400 Y eah. Now, bring me the bait. 77 00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:48,200 Welcome, Miss Dahl. 78 00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:51,600 General Rancor would like to see you. Don't even think about it! 79 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,400 Put the gun down! 80 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:04,200 Move. Don't try anything funny. 81 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,000 Oh, you morons! 82 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,900 Let go! Oh! Oh! 83 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,600 - Well, look at you. 84 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,100 Barbara Dahl. 85 00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:19,600 If you ain't the spitting image of your mama. 86 00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:24,900 Don't you talk about my mother, you hybrid curiosity. 87 00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:27,200 My mother was twice the man you are. 88 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,600 Hey, lady, I think you're carrying... 89 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:33,300 this "spitting image" thing a little bit too far. 90 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,300 Now that I got Barbara Dahl, 91 00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:41,000 it's just a matter of time before Dick Steele comes to get her. 92 00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:59,300 Have you confirmed this transmission? 93 00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:02,200 I have. It's confirmed. It's Barbara Dahl. 94 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,900 Who authorized Agent Barbara Dahl to go on this operation anyway? 95 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,800 No one. She's working on her own. 96 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,800 This one is personal, Coleman. 97 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:14,000 Well, this personal mission may have cost a good agent her life... 98 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,200 and put the entire free world in jeopardy. 99 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,000 - We must inform the director. 100 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,800 This is the director. What is it, Coleman and Bishop? 101 00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:25,200 Sir, we've intercepted a very disturbing satellite transmission... 102 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,600 from our listening post on the Rock of Gibraltar. 103 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,000 - Well, what is it? - It's this really big rock... 104 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,800 sticking out of the water on the south coast of Spain. 105 00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:38,800 What is the transmission? 106 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,800 You will have to see it to believe it, sir. 107 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:57,000 - You've got to put it on channel three. - No, four. 108 00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:00,500 - Switch it to VHS. - And take it off of cable. 109 00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:03,000 Put it on the monitor. 110 00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:06,300 And now this special message from Rancor Industries. 111 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,700 She makes a pretty hood ornament, don't you think? 112 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:14,200 - Rancor! - Y es, it is I, good ol' General Rancor. 113 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,600 I'm back, big as life and twice as ugly. 114 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,400 - But Steele blew him up! - Apparently not. 115 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,200 You did everything except eat me, 116 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,200 and I'm still alive. 117 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,000 All Steele did was blow off a couple of arms. 118 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,200 That's no biggie, no big thing. 119 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,200 Now I got plenty of arms! 120 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:36,900 Big arms. Pretty arms. something. 121 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,400 Your pretty little agent is now part... 122 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,000 of the nose cone on top of my missile. 123 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:51,600 This missile will be launched in 36 hours... 124 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,700 - and nothing will stop me! - He's a madman! 125 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:58,100 Only thing is, I'm missing one little chip... 126 00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:02,200 that controls my satellite, and, daggone, I want it back! 127 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:05,900 Now you hand me my chip, and I'll give you back your agent. 128 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,600 Good God. He must be stopped! 129 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,800 Dick Steele couldn't stop me 15 years ago, 130 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:17,500 and all the dicks you've got won't stop me now! 131 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:19,600 Apparently, he hasn't seen the size... 132 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,700 of some of our newer members! 133 00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:24,800 - With the chip, he rules the world. 134 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:29,000 - Without the chip, he destroys the world and-- 135 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,800 - Would you practice someplace else? I'm trying to think! 136 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:37,200 - The world? Ha! 137 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,700 We all know what General Rancor really wants. 138 00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:42,200 - Steele. - That's right! 139 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,600 - And we're going to give Steele to him. - Steele? 140 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:50,200 Have you forgotten what happened the last time Steele was placed in the line of fire? 141 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:10,000 We are stopping here. Traveller wants to mingle with the crowd. 142 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:40,200 - Oh! Oh, my God! - Steele, what the hell are you doing? Get off me! 143 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,500 - Get him in there! Get him in the limo! Cover him! 144 00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:47,700 Go, go, go! Go! Go, go! 145 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,300 The bridge is out. 146 00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:59,400 Do not enter. The bridge is out. 147 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,400 The bridge is out, damn it! Stop this car! 148 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,200 - Stay away from the window, sir. 149 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,800 Steele, do something! 150 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,200 Good job, Steele! Thanks! 151 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:01,500 - It's about time that jerk did something right. 152 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:04,600 - Hang on, Mr. President! 153 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:16,900 The bridge is out. Do not enter. 154 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:23,000 Thank God our president was one hell of a good swimmer. 155 00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:28,000 Nonetheless... there's only one man for this operation. 156 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,500 Agent WD-40. Steele. 157 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,700 Dick Steele. 158 00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:37,300 Dick, Dick, Dick Steele. 159 00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,900 Dick. 160 00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:44,600 Oh, Dick, that was incredible. 161 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,800 - Thank you. 162 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,000 Don't thank me, darling. 163 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:53,000 The art of lovemaking takes two. 164 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:57,600 Sometimes three or four, depending on how well you do at the crap tables. 165 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,300 - Fore! - Well, my putter's up. 166 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,600 - Fore! - Well, my putter's up. 167 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,600 Oh, Dick, I'm exhausted. 168 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:09,800 - You are insatiable. - Fifteen minutes to tee- off time. 169 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,800 I think there's something you and I should talk about openly and honestly... 170 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,200 before I head off to my golf game. 171 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,700 - What is it, Dick? - It's a game. 172 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,800 People dress funny. Hit a little ball with clubs. 173 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,000 Drinking is involved. 174 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,200 Is something wrong, Dick? 175 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,700 Whatever we've had between us, 176 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,700 I think it's only fair that you know my heart still belongs... 177 00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:35,500 to the girl I fell in love with years ago. 178 00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:38,000 Victoria. She fell off a cliff. 179 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,000 - She died. - Yes, I know. 180 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,200 I was just getting to that. 181 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,400 But after Victoria Dahl, well, I don't think... 182 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,400 I'll ever find room for another woman in this... 183 00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:52,600 ripped-apart, torn-up, scarred, burned-out... 184 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,200 Iump in my chest... 185 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,200 where a human heart once beat. 186 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,600 I hope you understand what I'm trying to say to you. 187 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,800 Oh, I'll live, Mr. Steele. 188 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,900 It's your life I'm worried about. 189 00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:11,500 I'm glad you understand. 190 00:17:11,700 --> 00:17:15,800 - I know how much these things can hurt. 191 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,800 Mr. Steele. 192 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,400 [ Woman ] Hi, Dick. 193 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,800 - Hi, Mr. Steele! - Good morning, Mrs. Hudmucker. 194 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,800 Fore! - Watch out. 195 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,600 - You all right? - Thank you. 196 00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:39,600 A little help, please? Thank you. 197 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:47,000 Dinatelli foursome to starter's window. Mr. Jack Dinatelli. 198 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:50,700 - Duck! 199 00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:58,100 - Dick, wait! 200 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:02,600 Well, Steve! 201 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:06,600 - Steve Bishop. You look great. - Thank you. We go back a long way, huh? 202 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,200 Yeah. 203 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,200 - Let's have a drink. - Okay. 204 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,400 Just sit right there, Steve. 205 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,500 - The usual, Mr. Steele? - You betcha. 206 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:19,900 - Well, how's everything at the agency? - Ah, Dick... 207 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:23,300 it used to be such fun killin' a few spies... 208 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:26,000 with gas from a banana grenade. 209 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,500 But now, huh, it's all bureaucratic politics. 210 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,500 You gotta fill out 20 forms in triplicate... 211 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,600 just to take a piss! 212 00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:53,600 - Boy, that was fun. 213 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:56,900 - Y eah. - Thank you! 214 00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,400 Oh, man, they don't do stuff like that at the agency any more. 215 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,600 I'm sorry to hear that, Steve. 216 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,200 - Uh, Dickie... there is something. - Relax, sugar. 217 00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,600 Steve, I'm out of the Service. 218 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,500 There's a plot to launch a satellite. 219 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:13,600 - Now, I'm out of the Service. Talk about something else. 220 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,200 - Bishop. - Bishop here. 221 00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:18,300 - Got a new lead. Gonna need you here. - Uh-huh. Yeah. 222 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,300 - And get a dozen eggs and a gallon of milk. - Okay. 223 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:22,300 - I'll leave right away. - Thank you, sir. 224 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,600 - No more headsets. 225 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,800 Ear buttons. They put the receiver right in your head now. 226 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,000 - I gotta get back to the hotel. 227 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,200 - The director wants you to see this. - I'm not interested, Steve. 228 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,000 Please, Dickie. Take a look at the tape. 229 00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:36,200 Please, Dickie. Take a look at the tape. 230 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,000 It'll change your mind. 231 00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:56,300 Hmm-hmm. 232 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,900 She makes a pretty hood ornament, don't you think? 233 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:16,300 [ Chuckles ] Yes, it is I, good ol' General Rancor. 234 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:21,200 I'm back, big as life and twice as ugly. 235 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,000 - All Steele did was blow off a couple of arms. - Rancor! 236 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:31,200 - That's no biggie, no big thing. Now I got plenty of arms. - He can't be alive. 237 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,500 - Your pretty Barbara Dahl-- - My God! 238 00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:37,000 Barbara Dahl. 239 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:44,400 Victoria... why would your daughter join the agency... 240 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,700 knowing what happened to you? 241 00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:48,600 Why? 242 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,800 Why? 243 00:20:52,100 --> 00:20:54,600 Why, why, why, why? 244 00:20:54,800 --> 00:21:00,400 Victoria Dahl... you were the only woman I ever loved. 245 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,700 Raindrops keep fallin' on my head 246 00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:10,400 And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed 247 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,400 - Nothin' seems to fit 248 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:18,800 Those raindrops are fallin' on my head They keep fallin' 249 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:24,600 So I just did me some talkin' to the sun 250 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:30,400 And I said I didn't like the way he got things done 251 00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:33,200 Sleepin' on the job 252 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:37,300 - Those raindrops are fallin' on my head 253 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:42,100 They keep fallin' But there's one thing 254 00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:44,300 I know 255 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:48,200 The blues they sent to meet me 256 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,200 Won't defeat me 257 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:55,400 It won't be long 'til happiness 258 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,800 Steps up to greet me 259 00:22:05,100 --> 00:22:07,100 Raindrops keep fallin' on my head 260 00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:11,100 But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red 261 00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:14,800 For today's top story, we now join Kelly Lange live downtown. 262 00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:17,400 Kelly Lange here for Channel 3 lsland News. 263 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:22,100 A tragic accident has claimed the life of a businessman identified as Steven Bishop, 264 00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:27,300 when a huge grand piano fell from the 17th floor of the Mayan Hotel... 265 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:27,500 when a huge grand piano fell from the 17th floor of the Mayan Hotel... 266 00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:29,800 directly behind me and landed on his car. 267 00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:31,800 - An accident? - It seems the man was-- 268 00:22:31,900 --> 00:22:34,100 - Having a kid at 60, that's an accident. 269 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,800 Having a piano fall on you, that's... bad luck. 270 00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:41,600 We're told that they had to remove the driver's body from the oil pan of the car. 271 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,100 - Police are ruling this as an accident. - Operator. 272 00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:46,600 Operator, get me Washington. 273 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,700 - George? - D.C. 274 00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:57,400 I'll take care of the luggage, just some overnight things. 275 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:13,600 - Bonjour, monsieur. - ...no parking. 276 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:17,000 Do not leave your baggage unattended. 277 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,200 It looks like you could use a hand. 278 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:27,200 I'm afraid I'm pretty clumsy. 279 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:31,300 - You must be headed to Los Angeles. - How do you know that? 280 00:23:31,500 --> 00:23:36,000 - It's written on your ticket. - Oh! Thank you. 281 00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:38,400 You are welcome. 282 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,900 Have a nice flight, and I wish you adieu. 283 00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:44,600 Oh, thank you, but I'm quite satisfied with the 'do I have. 284 00:23:52,100 --> 00:23:55,400 If you want to see me again, turn around now. 285 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,800 Aha. 286 00:24:17,900 --> 00:24:20,000 [ Flight Attendant ] It's right here on the aisle. 287 00:24:20,100 --> 00:24:24,200 [ Man ] No, no, no. I asked for a window seat. 288 00:24:24,500 --> 00:24:27,700 I can't be getting up and down just because somebody wants to be getting in and out. 289 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:32,100 - I have too much to do. I always have a window seat. - Excuse me, sir. 290 00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:36,300 - I was wondering, do you mind? - No problem. Please, be my guest. 291 00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:39,200 - Actually, I prefer an aisle seat. - Excuse me. Excuse me. 292 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,600 - Be my guest. Here. - Here, let me help you with these. 293 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:47,500 I hope that this will be the last of the conversations on this trip. 294 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,100 Your ticket. 295 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:58,900 Take it easy with that luggage! 296 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:05,000 Excuse me, sir. Could you put your tray table up for takeoff, please? 297 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:09,000 No, the tray table stays down, please. Thank you very much. 298 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,400 You've made things inconvenient enough as it is. 299 00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:14,800 - What-- What is this? 300 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,900 Is this yours? Do you mind? 301 00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:20,600 - It's my briefcase. Let me make more room for you. 302 00:25:26,900 --> 00:25:30,700 Excuse me. Is this seat taken? 303 00:25:30,900 --> 00:25:32,700 Please. 304 00:25:32,900 --> 00:25:34,700 Thank you. 305 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:42,900 Do you always take matters into your own hands? 306 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,400 Things often end up in my hands. 307 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,200 And I bet your hands end up in a lot of things. 308 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,200 Let's just say, my hands and things... 309 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,700 are often in the same place at the same time. 310 00:25:55,300 --> 00:25:57,200 Could I get you something to drink? 311 00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:01,900 We'll have dry Minoli and Russos, on the rocks, 312 00:26:02,100 --> 00:26:03,900 stirred, not beaten, twist of lemon, 313 00:26:04,100 --> 00:26:06,400 in chilled glasses, not frozen. 314 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,200 And two of those curly little straws. 315 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,500 Thirty hours, 11 minutes and 10 seconds. 316 00:26:47,700 --> 00:26:50,200 Thirty hours, 11 minutes and 8 seconds. 317 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,400 Thirty hours, 11 minutes and 5 seconds. 318 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,400 [ Director Over Intercom ] Miss Cheevus, when Agent Steele arrives, send him right in. 319 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,400 Mm-hmm. 320 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:14,000 - Miss Cheevus, is the director available? - No, he's married. 321 00:27:14,100 --> 00:27:18,000 - Oh, you kidder. 322 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:23,300 Miss Cheevus, you wouldn't be trying to make things hard for me? 323 00:27:23,500 --> 00:27:26,600 Oh, Dick, if only I could. 324 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:31,000 But you know you and I would work so well together deep undercover. 325 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:36,500 You know the agency's rules about secrecy. They're very... rigid. 326 00:27:36,700 --> 00:27:40,800 - Yes, and we wouldn't want to blow it, would we? 327 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,000 Why don't you two just get a motel room? 328 00:27:43,300 --> 00:27:45,800 I need you in here now, Steele! 329 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:20,800 Miss Cheevus, wasn't the director in the office here? 330 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,800 [ Miss Cheevus Over Intercom ] He just buzzed me from in there, my little pumpy - whumpy. 331 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,000 I'll just sit down and wait for him. 332 00:28:46,300 --> 00:28:50,200 Great Scott! Steele, see a doctor! 333 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:54,200 Good show, Steele. 334 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:58,400 I hid for two weeks from my ex-wife's attorney in this outfit. 335 00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:00,900 It's good to see you, WD-40. 336 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,000 You're always my most noble warrior. 337 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,500 - Glad to find you, sir. - Yes, yes, well, 338 00:29:05,700 --> 00:29:08,400 we have to find someone else far more important now. 339 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:12,200 - You saw the tape with Rancor? - I can't believe he's alive. 340 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:14,700 He's a madman. He wants the world. 341 00:29:14,900 --> 00:29:18,200 But I'll be perfectly frank, Dick. He wants you first. 342 00:29:18,500 --> 00:29:22,200 He knew I'd send you the tape, especially with Barbara Dahl on it. 343 00:29:23,900 --> 00:29:26,100 Barbara Dahl. 344 00:29:26,300 --> 00:29:29,100 Looks just like Victoria when she was alive. 345 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,300 We don't have time for flashbacks. 346 00:29:31,500 --> 00:29:34,900 Rancor wants the world. Fortunately, he wants to kill you first. 347 00:29:35,100 --> 00:29:39,100 That may give us needed time. Barbara Dahl's last transmission was from Los Angeles. 348 00:29:39,300 --> 00:29:41,800 We couldn't hold the trace long enough to pinpoint her. 349 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:46,600 Find her, you find him, you find the rocket. 350 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,400 For the rest of it, your guess is as good as mine. 351 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:53,200 - Miss Cheevus, tell Noggin we're coming. 352 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:55,400 - Hello, Noggin. - Steele. 353 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:59,200 Good to see you again. Do you have a refill of that deathray laser watch? 354 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,200 - Ah, a new air freshener? - Careful! 355 00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:02,600 - Ah, a new air freshener? - Careful! 356 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,800 Whoo-hoo Oooh 357 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,700 Not again. Oh! 358 00:30:07,900 --> 00:30:10,400 Give me! 359 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,600 Well, this looks like a clever contraption. 360 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,900 A mini-- A mini mobile crime lab? 361 00:30:16,100 --> 00:30:18,500 - It's a briefcase. - I know. What does it do? 362 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,200 It holds important papers, files, pens and a calculator. 363 00:30:22,300 --> 00:30:24,800 I understand. But these numbers here, are they in a certain sequence? 364 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,300 The briefcase is timed to explode? 365 00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:30,900 No, it's a lock so people other than myself can't open my briefcase. 366 00:30:31,100 --> 00:30:34,200 Very complex contemporary technology. 367 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:38,700 All right, Steele, this is your standard, state-of-the- art field kit with three additions. 368 00:30:38,900 --> 00:30:43,100 This is our latest development: microchip Z-ray lenses, 369 00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:45,300 capable of penetrating a layer of clothing. 370 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,900 You'll be able to see if an enemy is carrying a weapon. 371 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:49,500 Oh. Director? 372 00:30:49,700 --> 00:30:54,300 Oh, now, Steele... should you find your hands bound, 373 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:59,800 what you can do is just reach down and pull this pin with your teeth. 374 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:06,400 Put the tube in your mouth, and squeeze and it will emit a laser beam... 375 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,500 powerful enough to cut steel. 376 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:11,500 Fire in the hole, Director. 377 00:31:11,700 --> 00:31:14,300 - Huh? Oh. - Thank you. 378 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:20,700 Oh, and one more thing. 379 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:22,800 This micro-detonator has a built- in timer... 380 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,400 set to explode 30 seconds after you plant it. 381 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:28,100 It has enough power to blow up a two-story building, 382 00:31:28,300 --> 00:31:30,100 - so be careful. - Fantastic. 383 00:31:30,300 --> 00:31:32,400 All right. Well, here we go and, uh-- 384 00:31:32,500 --> 00:31:35,700 - Oh, the glasses. - Yeah. Thank you. 385 00:31:35,900 --> 00:31:37,800 Good to see you again, Noggin. 386 00:31:49,100 --> 00:31:51,400 Bienvenidos a Los Angeles. 387 00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,700 Welcome to Los Angeles. 388 00:31:53,900 --> 00:31:55,900 Ciudad de los angeles. 389 00:31:56,100 --> 00:31:58,200 City of the angels. 390 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,400 ?D�nde esta Maria? 391 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,400 Where is Maria? 392 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,200 Maria esta en la biblioteca. 393 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,200 Maria is in the library. 394 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:10,600 - Do you have a lighter? - I use matches. 395 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,400 Does your mother know you smoke? 396 00:32:13,500 --> 00:32:13,600 Does your mother know you smoke? 397 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,300 Y es, but I don't inhale. 398 00:32:16,500 --> 00:32:20,000 - Kabul. - Uh... 399 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,900 I'm Kabul. Agent WD-40? 400 00:32:23,100 --> 00:32:25,200 Get in, get in. 401 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:27,400 In the car. 402 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,800 Hello. Excuse me. Ha! 403 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,100 Our operatives believe you may already be in grave danger. 404 00:32:37,300 --> 00:32:41,000 Please take a look at this, Mr. Steele. 405 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:43,300 In that file is a photo of Desiree More. 406 00:32:43,500 --> 00:32:47,900 She's an expert trained in karate, kung fu and is a crack shot. Be on your guard. 407 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,600 Rancor may have sent her to take you out. 408 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:53,700 She likes easy-listening and guys who share their feelings. 409 00:32:53,900 --> 00:32:58,700 Her measurements: 36-24-36-22. 410 00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:03,500 Aye, and for God sakes, be careful, WD-40. 411 00:33:03,700 --> 00:33:07,200 One time I got two cousins that got salmonella poisoning in this hotel. 412 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,400 Ah, sure looked like her. 413 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,600 But you can't be too sure. 414 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,600 Y eah, almost positive. 415 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,600 Mm-hmm. 416 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:42,800 Drink? 417 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,600 - Only when I'm thirsty. - Tap water okay? 418 00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:48,200 Poured, not decantered. 419 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:50,100 Sometimes you see a woman you'd... 420 00:33:50,300 --> 00:33:52,100 just love to have kill ya. 421 00:33:52,300 --> 00:33:55,800 But timing is everything, so that was not going to be today. 422 00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,100 Says who? 423 00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:01,100 She's pretty smart. I decided to play it casual. 424 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:04,200 Casual is overrated. 425 00:34:07,500 --> 00:34:09,400 Oops. 426 00:34:18,100 --> 00:34:20,200 I think the game is over, Mr. Steele. 427 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,800 You're gonna look like Swiss cheese when they find you. 428 00:34:23,100 --> 00:34:27,100 Oh. That's no Gouda. 429 00:35:01,300 --> 00:35:04,000 "Coca Cabana." 430 00:35:09,500 --> 00:35:12,700 - I'll be back for you. - Where are you going? 431 00:35:12,900 --> 00:35:15,000 In my country we have a saying: 432 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,500 "A man who rides a camel is rich, 433 00:35:17,700 --> 00:35:20,700 but a man who drives a Ferrari can get lucky. 434 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:27,500 - Oh, gee, I am so sorry. 435 00:35:27,700 --> 00:35:29,500 - What's your phone number? - Loser. 436 00:35:29,700 --> 00:35:31,700 Oh, thank you. 437 00:35:31,900 --> 00:35:34,400 Oh, like, look at what you've done. 438 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,000 End of the line, pal. 439 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:39,000 Uh... 440 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,800 Hey, goombah! 441 00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,300 Huh? 442 00:36:05,100 --> 00:36:07,700 Well, well, if it isn't Agent Steele. 443 00:36:09,300 --> 00:36:13,000 Excuse me. Uh, do you have a light? 444 00:36:15,700 --> 00:36:18,900 Y eah, sure. I got a light. 445 00:36:22,300 --> 00:36:25,400 Ow. Ow. Ow. 446 00:36:35,100 --> 00:36:37,000 Very good. 447 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,700 Well, remind me never to light your cigarette. 448 00:36:39,900 --> 00:36:42,100 You don't lose guys like that for long. 449 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,300 Let's get the bus. We'll be safe there. 450 00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:49,700 - Transfer? Uh, no, thank you. 451 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:55,900 Mmm, nice dress. 452 00:37:00,300 --> 00:37:02,200 Next stop: 453 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,600 Sunset Boulevard. 454 00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:08,100 I guess it's Sunset Boulevard. 455 00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,700 Pop quiz, hotshot. 456 00:37:18,900 --> 00:37:20,800 Someone on the bus without a transfer. 457 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:25,400 He won't pay the fare. What do you do? What do you do? 458 00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,400 Stop the bus and let him off? 459 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:31,800 Negatory, honcho, because he cut the brake line. 460 00:37:46,100 --> 00:37:48,600 Excusez-moi, monsieur. 461 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:57,500 That was nice. Nicely done. 462 00:38:57,600 --> 00:38:59,000 That was nice. Nicely done. 463 00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:01,200 Thank you. Thank you. 464 00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:04,500 Next stop: Melrose. I think. 465 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:08,000 Well, you must be "fameeshed." Let's mangez. 466 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:10,600 That sounds good, but I'm hungry. 467 00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:12,600 Let's eat first. 468 00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,700 - Here you go. You both enjoy yourselves. 469 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:22,600 - Brian will be right here to take your drink order. 470 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:25,900 We shared an airplane, a drink. 471 00:39:26,100 --> 00:39:29,200 We've been chased, bussed, seated, but... 472 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,500 I still don't really know you. 473 00:39:32,700 --> 00:39:36,400 I'm Bud Fudlacker. I have a small mail- order business. 474 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,800 I travel with the American Gladiators, 475 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,600 I'm 55, I like small appliances... 476 00:39:41,700 --> 00:39:43,600 and I do tax accounting on the side. 477 00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:47,000 Let me guess. You are Dick Steele, 478 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:50,600 Agent WD-40 with the Secret Service. 479 00:39:50,700 --> 00:39:54,500 You are 52, you like big screen TVs... 480 00:39:54,700 --> 00:39:57,100 and you want to stop General Rancor. 481 00:39:57,300 --> 00:40:00,100 That could describe a thousand guys. 482 00:40:00,300 --> 00:40:02,100 Tell me about you. 483 00:40:02,300 --> 00:40:06,200 I like loose-fitting clothes, and I drive a '69 Pinto. 484 00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:09,800 [ Chuckles ] Hi, I'm Brian. May I take your drink orders, please? 485 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:13,400 - I'll have-- - A dry Minoli and Russo on the rocks. 486 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,000 Stirred, not beaten. 487 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:20,000 With a twist. In a chilled glass, not frozen. 488 00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:23,600 With two of those curly little straws. 489 00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:25,500 Be right back. 490 00:40:27,500 --> 00:40:30,000 Tell me, who are you? 491 00:40:30,300 --> 00:40:33,700 Why don't you use your... 492 00:40:33,900 --> 00:40:37,200 Iegendary skills, and guess? 493 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:41,600 You carry a UB-21 Schnauzer with a Gnab silencer. That's K.G.B. 494 00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:44,900 You prefer an H&K over an A.K. Your surveillance technique is N.S.A. 495 00:40:45,100 --> 00:40:48,000 Your I.D. is C.I.A. You received your Ph.D. at NYU. 496 00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:53,000 Traded in your G.T.O. for a B.M.W. You listen to CDs by R.E.M. and S.T.P. 497 00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:57,200 And you'd like to see J.F.K. in his B.V.D.s, getting down with O.P.P. 498 00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:01,700 And you probably put the toilet paper back on the roll with the paper on the inside. 499 00:41:01,900 --> 00:41:03,800 Hmm. 500 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:07,800 Here's to your remarkable powers of observation, Mr. Steele. 501 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:12,800 I am Agent 3.14, Veronique Ukrinsky. 502 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:14,800 My father is the professor. 503 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:19,100 Oh, yes, I know. The megachip. 504 00:41:19,300 --> 00:41:22,700 When he found out he was making the chip for Rancor, and not for the U.S., 505 00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:25,200 he escaped with it, and he is in hiding. 506 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:27,300 In hiding? Where? 507 00:41:27,500 --> 00:41:29,500 He would not take the chance in telling me where he was headed, 508 00:41:29,700 --> 00:41:33,400 but he said, "The pendant-- 509 00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:39,200 Follow the path of your pendant to find me." 510 00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:43,800 Hmm... haven't seen too many like these. 511 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,800 - Pendant. - Pendant. 512 00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:47,600 - Pendant. - Pendant. 513 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:51,200 - Pendant. - We don't have much time, WD-40. 514 00:41:51,300 --> 00:41:53,800 Sooner or later, Rancor will find him. 515 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:58,200 - I'll order our food to go. - Oh, Dick, I am so worried about my father. 516 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:01,600 What shall we do, huh? What shall we do? 517 00:42:03,900 --> 00:42:08,600 It was a teenage wedding and the old folks wished them well 518 00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:13,900 You could see that Pierre did truly love the mademoiselle 519 00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:21,900 And now the young monsieur and madame have rung the chapel bell 520 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:23,900 "C'est la vie" said the old folks 521 00:42:24,100 --> 00:42:26,800 It goes to show you never can tell 522 00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:38,300 Excuse me. Do you have reser. 523 00:42:38,500 --> 00:42:41,800 - Steele's here somewhere. 524 00:42:41,900 --> 00:42:45,600 Rancor wants him dead. Find him. 525 00:42:48,700 --> 00:42:50,700 - Dance time is over. Cigarettes? Cigars? 526 00:42:50,900 --> 00:42:52,800 - There he goes. Kill him! - Throwing knife? 527 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,000 Cigarettes? Cigars? Throwing knife? 528 00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:57,700 Thanks. 529 00:42:57,900 --> 00:43:00,400 Cigarettes? Cigars? 530 00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:04,400 - Whoops. 531 00:43:04,700 --> 00:43:06,500 Why? 532 00:43:12,700 --> 00:43:15,500 Quick. Get this up against the door. 533 00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,400 I got an idea. 534 00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:27,700 This is a picture of my father. 535 00:43:27,900 --> 00:43:31,000 If we get separated, find him, save him. 536 00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,700 Why? 537 00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:40,000 - Go! Go, go, go! 538 00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:43,800 - Oh, shut up! - Ow! I came here to dance! 539 00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:47,000 - Ow! Dick, help me! 540 00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:48,900 - I'll kill you! 541 00:43:49,100 --> 00:43:51,800 - Get in this-- - No, let me go! 542 00:44:05,700 --> 00:44:10,300 - Okay, let's go! - Dick, help me! 543 00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:20,200 Follow the path of your pendant to find me." 544 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:23,500 - What is that? - It's her pendant. 545 00:44:23,700 --> 00:44:25,800 "Follow the path of the pendant to find me." 546 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,400 Have you ever seen anything like that? 547 00:44:28,500 --> 00:44:32,400 - Ah! - What? What? 548 00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:34,700 No. 549 00:44:34,900 --> 00:44:37,500 Any idea where it came from? 550 00:44:37,700 --> 00:44:41,000 - Museum of Natural History. - How do you know that? 551 00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:44,600 It says it really small right there at the bottom. 552 00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,600 All right. Take me to the Museum of Natural History. 553 00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:52,000 - You know, in my country we do have a saying-- - I'm sure you do. 554 00:44:52,100 --> 00:44:52,300 - You know, in my country we do have a saying-- - I'm sure you do. 555 00:44:52,300 --> 00:44:56,800 The saying goes: "The museum is closed at 5::00. You go the next morning at 9::00." 556 00:44:59,100 --> 00:45:02,000 Excuse me, Mr. Pushy! 557 00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,000 Son of a bitch. 558 00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:09,300 I'm getting sick and tired of your-- 559 00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:22,400 Mm-hmm. 560 00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,800 No, he'd never fit in there. 561 00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:33,600 Ah. Sir- 562 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:36,800 I'm sick and tired of these games. 563 00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:46,600 This is stupid. Stupid. We're a government agency, for God sakes. 564 00:45:50,100 --> 00:45:52,000 Huh? 565 00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,200 Aha! 566 00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:03,700 Good God! You're sicker than I thought! 567 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:07,500 What is it, Coleman? I'm busy! 568 00:46:07,700 --> 00:46:11,300 - I, uh, can see that. - You wouldn't understand. 569 00:46:11,500 --> 00:46:13,500 It's the ancient art of origatsi. 570 00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:17,600 What I don't understand is your insistence in keeping Steele on this assignment! 571 00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,100 He still is no closer to Rancor, 572 00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:23,100 and we have who knows how little time left before Rancor launches this satellite. 573 00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:27,600 You better let me take over this search before I-- 574 00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:29,600 Before you what, Coleman? 575 00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:31,900 I don't know whose monkey you spanked to get this job, 576 00:46:32,100 --> 00:46:34,800 but as far as I'm concerned, you're a disgrace to the Service. 577 00:46:34,900 --> 00:46:36,800 How dare you! 578 00:46:36,900 --> 00:46:39,400 You and your one-for-all-and-all-for-one bleeding heart nonsense! 579 00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:42,400 You're too old to run this agency! 580 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:44,900 And since you won't step down, 581 00:46:45,100 --> 00:46:47,800 you'll, uh, be stepped on! 582 00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:53,500 - Ha! Loser! 583 00:46:53,700 --> 00:46:58,200 - What you got? - Is there a jewelery district in Los Angeles? 584 00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:02,000 Come on, this is Hollywood. We have jewelery. We have women who are willing to sleep-- 585 00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:06,200 - More important, is there a Russian jewelery section? - Da. 586 00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:08,900 - Where? - I don't know. 587 00:47:09,100 --> 00:47:12,800 There used to be a bunch of Russian jewelers hung out at the warehouse at, uh... 588 00:47:14,300 --> 00:47:16,300 at 31st and Phlegm. 589 00:47:16,500 --> 00:47:20,000 - Ah, damn it! 590 00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,000 Meet me back at the hotel. We'll split up. 591 00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:24,200 - After you. - Thank you. 592 00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:26,200 Excuse me. 593 00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:28,700 - Get off! 594 00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:47,600 Whoa! Whoa! Wh-Whoa! 595 00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:03,100 Watch it! Watch it! 596 00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:18,200 - Whoa. 597 00:48:21,700 --> 00:48:23,500 - Cheerio. 598 00:48:50,700 --> 00:48:54,000 You're mine, Steele! 599 00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,200 - Whoa! 600 00:49:06,100 --> 00:49:08,600 - Whoa! - Whoa! 601 00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:18,400 - Huh? 602 00:49:39,100 --> 00:49:43,600 Okay, bring it up! Bring it up! Up, up, up! 603 00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:46,800 Okay, that's where the sign goes! 604 00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:50,800 Ah, 31st and Phlegm. 605 00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:52,800 I'm on the waiting list for a co-op. 606 00:49:59,500 --> 00:50:02,000 You better get outta here. I'll see you back in half an hour. 607 00:50:02,100 --> 00:50:04,100 Oh, half hour? I can drop off my dog at the groomer. 608 00:50:35,300 --> 00:50:39,900 - Wha-- - Mr. Steele, I presume? 609 00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:43,900 - Professor-- - Ukrinsky. With a "Y.'" 610 00:50:53,300 --> 00:50:56,700 Ah. Right. 611 00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:01,600 The pendant. 612 00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:04,000 And I suppose... 613 00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:06,400 this is what you need. 614 00:51:06,500 --> 00:51:11,500 - And this is? - This is the controller chip for Rancor's satellite. 615 00:51:11,700 --> 00:51:14,100 Ah, Rancor finally made his megachip. 616 00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:16,200 Who'd have thought the fate of so many human lives... 617 00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:18,400 would rely on something so small? 618 00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:21,500 Well, there's only one thing to do with this. 619 00:51:24,700 --> 00:51:29,200 No! No! What are you doing? 620 00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:33,000 - Trying to make the world safe from tyranny. - You mustn't do that! 621 00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,800 This can also be used for world peace! 622 00:51:35,900 --> 00:51:37,900 Oh, I'm sorry. 623 00:51:38,100 --> 00:51:41,900 You'd better let me get that into the proper hands and get you to safety. 624 00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:46,800 - You found me through my daughter, the pendant. - Right. 625 00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:51,300 - Veronique is safe? - Yeah, the van they took her in has dual air bags and seat belts. 626 00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,600 - Kabul. - Nice new wheels, huh? 627 00:51:56,800 --> 00:52:00,400 Yeah, quite an improvement. In the back, Professor. 628 00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:03,300 We have to find a safe place for the professor. 629 00:52:03,500 --> 00:52:05,400 In my country, we have saying: 630 00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,800 "The rabbit hops, the spider crawls, but the camel spits". 631 00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,000 Let's see if this Charger can run. 632 00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,600 Now I don't want you to be surprised. 633 00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:22,800 This guy's one of our top agents. He's most capable. 634 00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:30,200 - McCluckey! - Kabul! 635 00:52:35,100 --> 00:52:38,100 - Come on in. - All right. Come on. 636 00:52:38,300 --> 00:52:40,800 McCluckey, we need to hide the professor. 637 00:52:41,100 --> 00:52:44,200 - Professor Ukrinsky, it's an honor. - How do you do? 638 00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:47,500 I've read all your work and your last paper on laboratory loneliness. 639 00:52:47,700 --> 00:52:50,400 - Superb! - Well, thank you. 640 00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:53,100 - McCluckey, I'd like you to meet Agent-- - Dick Steele. 641 00:52:53,300 --> 00:52:56,900 Agent WD-40. Good to see you back in action. 642 00:52:57,100 --> 00:53:01,800 Your video on deception, Is It A Woman? Is The Moustache Real? 643 00:53:01,900 --> 00:53:03,800 Beautiful work! 644 00:53:03,900 --> 00:53:07,400 - Thank you. - McCluckey, we need to hide this guy. 645 00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:11,000 Sure, sure. Come this way. He'll be safe here. 646 00:53:12,100 --> 00:53:14,000 Do you have a telephone? 647 00:53:14,100 --> 00:53:16,100 Right over there. 648 00:53:16,300 --> 00:53:19,400 - Is it clean? - I have a woman that comes in once a week. 649 00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:26,500 - Sir? - What? 650 00:53:26,700 --> 00:53:29,300 I have Dick "Luscious Lips" Steele on the line. 651 00:53:29,500 --> 00:53:32,700 Put him through. 652 00:53:32,900 --> 00:53:34,700 Director, is it safe? 653 00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:40,100 Safe? Just a minute. I'll use the cloaking device. 654 00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:52,000 Go ahead, Dick. It's safe. 655 00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:55,600 I have the chip Rancor needs to launch his satellite. 656 00:53:55,800 --> 00:54:00,000 Good, Dick, good. Are you coming in? 657 00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:02,300 No, Rancor kidnapped the professor's daughter. 658 00:54:02,500 --> 00:54:04,500 I've got to find her. 659 00:54:04,700 --> 00:54:07,600 - Yes, well... good, Dick. 660 00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:11,700 Good luck. Call me if I can help. 661 00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:23,800 - Nineteen hours and 35 minutes. - That Steele's gonna be sorry... 662 00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:26,200 his mama ever met his papa. 663 00:54:26,300 --> 00:54:30,500 - We gonna heat up the fire! Boys! 664 00:54:30,700 --> 00:54:32,500 They always seem to know every move we make. 665 00:54:32,700 --> 00:54:34,500 It's inside. It's got to be somebody inside leaking. 666 00:54:34,700 --> 00:54:37,400 Well, I'm not leaking. I can prove it. 667 00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:39,400 - You go ahead, ask me something. - What? 668 00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:42,400 Ask me something. Ask me who's the director of our agency. 669 00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:45,700 - Who is the director of our agency? - I don't know. 670 00:54:45,900 --> 00:54:47,700 You see, I know who it is, you see? 671 00:54:47,900 --> 00:54:51,900 But I'm not going to tell you, you see, because I am no leak. 672 00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:54,600 This place has got to be a front for Rancor and his men. 673 00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:59,800 - There's one of them now. Follow him. 674 00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:02,500 Do you have to keep revving the engine? 675 00:55:02,700 --> 00:55:06,900 Ah, but it's an American V-8. It's such a beautiful sound. 676 00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:09,300 - Oh, Steele, listen to this. 677 00:55:09,500 --> 00:55:12,700 - My cousin's a recording star. 678 00:55:12,900 --> 00:55:15,400 - Duck! Ow! 679 00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:29,600 - Did he see us? - Shh. Okay. 680 00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:39,300 - I'm going in there. - Okay. 681 00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:42,900 - Give me cover. - I got to buy my lottery ticket. 682 00:55:48,300 --> 00:55:50,800 - Rancor's guy is here. - Right. 683 00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:54,800 That saved a wretch 684 00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:57,600 Like me 685 00:55:57,800 --> 00:56:02,400 I once was lost 686 00:56:02,700 --> 00:56:07,400 But now am found 687 00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:09,800 Was blind-- 688 00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:17,800 - What are you doing here? - I am... the new choirmaster. 689 00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:22,200 - Where did you come from? - The humble room. I was doing refractories. 690 00:56:22,300 --> 00:56:25,000 - "Refractories"? - A new popal revelate. 691 00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:28,000 Uh, John, chapter 7, verse 2. 692 00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:29,500 "Popal"? 693 00:56:29,700 --> 00:56:33,500 Uh, sisters. Michael, chapter 7, verse 2. 694 00:56:33,700 --> 00:56:35,600 "Sing as ye play. 695 00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:39,500 Yea, unto thee a voice like a blenth." 696 00:56:39,700 --> 00:56:42,200 And as you approach the allo tropo, please, 697 00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:46,300 tres mucho picante abierto. 698 00:56:46,500 --> 00:56:49,800 - You know you make me want to shout 699 00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,800 Kick my heels up and shout Throw my hands up and shout 700 00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:56,000 Throw my head back and shout Come on now 701 00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:58,300 Don't forget to say you will 702 00:56:58,500 --> 00:57:01,300 - Are you gentlemen with Rancor? 703 00:57:01,500 --> 00:57:04,700 - Steele's here somewhere. 704 00:57:04,900 --> 00:57:07,500 - Sing it right now baby - Well, find him! 705 00:57:07,700 --> 00:57:09,700 - Say you will - Come on, come on 706 00:57:09,900 --> 00:57:14,500 - Say you will - Say that you will 707 00:57:14,700 --> 00:57:17,300 Say that you love me 708 00:57:17,500 --> 00:57:20,500 Say that you need me Say that you want me 709 00:57:20,700 --> 00:57:24,000 - You want to please me - Come on now 710 00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:28,400 Come on now Come on now 711 00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:33,400 I still remember when I used to be nine years old 712 00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:37,000 - Hey, yeah and I was a fool for you - All right, random inspection. 713 00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:40,200 - From the bottom of my soul - Directive 21, Psalm 2. 714 00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:44,800 Yeah, yeah I want you to know 715 00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:49,000 - I said I want you to know right now Ew! 716 00:57:49,300 --> 00:57:51,600 You been good to me sisters 717 00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:54,400 Much better than I've been to myself 718 00:57:54,600 --> 00:57:57,000 So good, so good 719 00:57:57,200 --> 00:58:02,100 And if you ever leave me I don't want nobody else 720 00:58:02,300 --> 00:58:07,000 Hey, hey I said I want you to know 721 00:58:07,200 --> 00:58:09,900 I said I want you to know right now 722 00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:11,900 - Veronique? 723 00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:14,200 - Dick. - You all right? 724 00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:19,000 - Get out of here. This is a front for Rancor. - Yes, I know. 725 00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:25,100 I'll-- I'll get out of here, all right. But you're coming with me. 726 00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:26,900 Stat! Code Yellow! Code Yellow! 727 00:58:27,100 --> 00:58:29,800 - Get me three CCs of epinephrinox! - Right away. 728 00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:32,600 - Get me two liters of gasohol mixed with neonephicine! - On my way. 729 00:58:32,800 --> 00:58:35,100 - Get the electrostatifyer, now! - I'll warm up the generator, sister. 730 00:58:35,300 --> 00:58:37,300 She's about to go into fibrolcanination! 731 00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:39,600 - Prepare the operating room! Yes, sister. I'll get right on it. 732 00:58:42,700 --> 00:58:46,500 For God's sake, can anyone in this hospital help me? 733 00:58:46,700 --> 00:58:50,900 - Say it right now, baby 734 00:58:51,100 --> 00:58:53,100 - Come on, come on. 735 00:58:54,700 --> 00:58:56,700 - Say that you will. 736 00:58:56,900 --> 00:59:00,900 - Now wait a minute 737 00:59:01,200 --> 00:59:04,200 Oh. Mm-mm. No. 738 00:59:04,400 --> 00:59:06,400 You know you make me want to shout 739 00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:18,400 High blood pressure. 740 00:59:22,700 --> 00:59:27,200 Here. You'll be safe here. I'll be right back. 741 00:59:36,300 --> 00:59:40,300 - Okay, the coast is clear. 742 00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:45,200 Oh, Dick, it's so cold. 743 00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:49,800 What have they done to you? They'll pay for this. 744 00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:51,900 Oh, Dick... 745 00:59:59,300 --> 01:00:02,000 Move 'em, fat heads! 746 01:00:02,100 --> 01:00:04,700 Sisters, make 'em holy! 747 01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:09,600 Oh, Dick, you came for me. 748 01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:13,300 Tell me, what's been happening? 749 01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:17,200 Well, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching, getting in touch with my inner child. 750 01:00:17,400 --> 01:00:19,200 I have decided I love you. 751 01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:21,600 But what about my father? 752 01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:25,000 Well, I like him. I just have to get to know him better. 753 01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:27,500 No, is he okay? Have you got his chip? 754 01:00:27,700 --> 01:00:29,900 Oh, no, he's fine, and I've got the chip. 755 01:00:30,100 --> 01:00:32,400 - Oh, I love you too. 756 01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:39,900 - Look out, you crazy nun! 757 01:00:46,200 --> 01:00:48,700 Thanks, guys, I stopped you. You could have been killed! 758 01:00:48,900 --> 01:00:52,500 Quick, let me help. 759 01:00:52,700 --> 01:00:54,600 You smell nice. 760 01:00:56,800 --> 01:00:59,400 Where is my father? 761 01:00:59,500 --> 01:01:01,400 Is he safe? 762 01:01:01,500 --> 01:01:04,900 He's safe, Veronique. Safe as you and me. 763 01:01:05,100 --> 01:01:07,400 So cute. 764 01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:09,900 - Oh! Oh! 765 01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:12,300 - Safer. 766 01:01:12,500 --> 01:01:15,800 In my country, when an irate, armless, psychotic weirdo... 767 01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:17,800 chase your woman, you must hide her. 768 01:01:19,100 --> 01:01:21,000 Upstairs. Apartment 5B. 769 01:01:21,200 --> 01:01:23,100 I'll wait downstairs. I'll keep my eyes open. 770 01:01:27,300 --> 01:01:30,500 I just put in new carpet. Take your shoes off. 771 01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:42,600 Oh, Dick... it is so nice to know... 772 01:01:42,900 --> 01:01:45,700 that everything is going to be all right. 773 01:01:47,600 --> 01:01:50,000 You have the chip. 774 01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:53,800 My father is safe. 775 01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:56,600 You love me, Dick. 776 01:01:56,800 --> 01:01:58,700 Love? 777 01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:04,100 Let me tell you about love, Veronique. 778 01:02:04,400 --> 01:02:08,000 Love is a dew drop on a rose petal. 779 01:02:08,100 --> 01:02:10,800 - Love is a drop of rain, 780 01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:14,300 pure and shimmering and trembling. 781 01:02:14,500 --> 01:02:17,700 So moist, so wet. 782 01:02:17,900 --> 01:02:22,900 - And those tiny little drops of love, 783 01:02:23,100 --> 01:02:25,000 they come together, 784 01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:29,200 gathering up broken buds and fallen flowers... 785 01:02:29,400 --> 01:02:33,500 and dirt and dung... 786 01:02:33,700 --> 01:02:35,600 - and deer droppings, 787 01:02:35,800 --> 01:02:40,500 flowing faster and faster, outward to the sea. 788 01:02:40,700 --> 01:02:43,200 - Onward and onward - 789 01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:08,900 Good night. 790 01:03:09,100 --> 01:03:12,900 We'll talk more in the morning. 791 01:03:40,200 --> 01:03:42,500 - Hey, hotshots. 792 01:03:42,800 --> 01:03:46,500 - Come and get me. - Why, you little, no- good juvenile delinquent! 793 01:03:46,700 --> 01:03:48,400 - Go on! Get him! - Come on! 794 01:03:50,300 --> 01:03:53,500 - Cool. Heads up! 795 01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:57,300 - Nice shot. I'm going. - Go on! Go on! 796 01:03:57,400 --> 01:04:00,700 - We got you now! 797 01:04:00,900 --> 01:04:02,900 Where's the professor? 798 01:04:03,100 --> 01:04:05,400 With Gilligan, dickweed. 799 01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:12,500 - No! - This is for Getting Even With Dad! 800 01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:15,200 - And this is for My Girl. - And this is for My Girl 2. 801 01:04:15,400 --> 01:04:18,400 I wasn't even in My Girl 2. 802 01:04:18,600 --> 01:04:20,800 - We don't care! - We don't care! 803 01:04:24,100 --> 01:04:25,900 Last time I'm gonna ask you, smart boy. 804 01:04:26,100 --> 01:04:29,700 - Where's the professor? - Okay, okay, down the hall to the right. 805 01:04:31,400 --> 01:04:33,700 Okay, the left! 806 01:04:37,700 --> 01:04:39,800 Help! Somebody help me! 807 01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:43,400 They're taking us to Kikiree lsland! 808 01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:51,800 - They've taken him to Rancor! - They won't kill him... not until he's installed the chip. 809 01:04:52,100 --> 01:04:55,600 - Wha-- - Probably not even then. Maybe just torture him a little. 810 01:04:55,800 --> 01:04:59,300 - We'll talk about this on the way. Let's get to Kikiree. 811 01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:12,600 You like this disguise? 812 01:05:12,800 --> 01:05:14,800 It's very good. 813 01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:16,800 I'm proud of this one. 814 01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:20,300 Like this, I can look like anybody. 815 01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:24,400 - Rancor Industries owns this little island. 816 01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:24,700 - Rancor Industries owns this little island. 817 01:05:24,700 --> 01:05:29,200 The natives say there are stranger goings-on here than at Neverland Valley Ranch. 818 01:05:29,300 --> 01:05:32,100 - Look. - Uh-huh. It's nice. 819 01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:37,600 - Kabul, stay in the boat. - Why? 820 01:05:37,800 --> 01:05:39,600 There's a saying in my country: 821 01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:42,800 "When you hear the words, 'Stay in the boat', you stay in the boat." 822 01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:45,100 - Bye-bye. 823 01:05:52,800 --> 01:05:55,400 Dick, this is crazy. 824 01:05:55,600 --> 01:06:00,800 Crazy? Some people think walking down the street muttering to yourself is crazy. 825 01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:02,800 I'll tell you what crazy is. 826 01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:05,700 Crazy is walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head, 827 01:06:05,900 --> 01:06:08,000 saying, "I'm a hamster.'" 828 01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:10,500 "I'm a hamster.'" That's crazy. 829 01:06:17,600 --> 01:06:19,600 - Ooh. 830 01:06:19,800 --> 01:06:22,600 My life's work is now complete. 831 01:06:22,800 --> 01:06:25,400 Your cooperation is commendable, Professor. 832 01:06:25,600 --> 01:06:27,400 Thank you. 833 01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:32,400 Throw him in the cell. 834 01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:35,600 - But you said it was for the world peace! Yeah, yeah. 835 01:06:44,400 --> 01:06:48,500 Hello, General. It's Skippy. They're on the island. 836 01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:51,000 Yeah. 837 01:06:51,200 --> 01:06:54,600 Well, well, well, what perfect timing. 838 01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:56,700 - It seems we're gonna have more guests. 839 01:06:56,800 --> 01:06:58,900 - Steele's not dead. 840 01:06:59,100 --> 01:07:00,900 He's on his way here. 841 01:07:01,100 --> 01:07:04,700 - Throw her in with the others! - No! Please! Please! 842 01:07:04,900 --> 01:07:08,900 - I thought you loved me! - Naw, I was just usin' you. 843 01:07:09,100 --> 01:07:11,900 [ Countdown Voice ] Seven hours, 59 minutes and 41 seconds. 844 01:07:12,100 --> 01:07:15,200 Seven hours, 59 minutes and 38 seconds. 845 01:07:15,400 --> 01:07:17,200 Seven hours, 59 minutes and 30-- 846 01:07:23,100 --> 01:07:25,700 Dick, look out! 847 01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:29,600 - Got you now, Steele. 848 01:07:29,800 --> 01:07:31,800 Hey, where you goin'? 849 01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:36,800 Take that! 850 01:07:36,900 --> 01:07:38,900 Hey, come back here! 851 01:07:42,100 --> 01:07:44,600 Nowhere to go, Steele. 852 01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:53,200 How fast can you run, my friend? 853 01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:55,900 - My God! 854 01:07:57,800 --> 01:07:59,800 All right, men, tie him up. 855 01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:02,900 - Okay, go ahead, kill me. 856 01:08:03,100 --> 01:08:06,800 I got a bomb. You touch me, and you'll blow up yourself. 857 01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:11,000 You don't really think I'm gonna fall for that old tied- to-the-bomb trick, do ya? 858 01:08:11,200 --> 01:08:17,700 - Well, how about the old snake trick? 859 01:08:17,900 --> 01:08:21,000 - Ahh! 860 01:08:41,500 --> 01:08:43,400 - What is it? - Shh. 861 01:08:51,500 --> 01:08:54,500 Let's go. 862 01:08:54,700 --> 01:08:59,100 Two hours, 59 minutes and 26 seconds to launch. 863 01:08:59,300 --> 01:09:02,900 Two hours, 59 minutes and 21 seconds to launch. 864 01:09:03,200 --> 01:09:06,400 Two hours, 59 minutes and 19 seconds to launch. 865 01:09:06,600 --> 01:09:06,600 We've got to find a way into Rancor's complex. 866 01:09:09,500 --> 01:09:12,400 - Are you ready? - Ready. 867 01:09:51,900 --> 01:09:53,700 Here, help me with this. 868 01:09:53,900 --> 01:09:57,100 - How patriotic, Dick. - And deadly. 869 01:09:57,300 --> 01:09:59,500 Ooh, Dick. 870 01:10:07,800 --> 01:10:09,800 Bearing 177.5. 871 01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:12,800 On my mark. Hi, Mark. 872 01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:15,600 Get set. 873 01:10:15,800 --> 01:10:18,300 - Father! - My child. 874 01:10:18,500 --> 01:10:23,300 Well, well. Dick Steele. 875 01:10:23,500 --> 01:10:26,300 I'd shake your hand, but I don't remember where it landed. 876 01:10:26,500 --> 01:10:30,000 - Clever! Clever? Clever. 877 01:10:30,200 --> 01:10:32,300 Take their weapons. 878 01:10:36,000 --> 01:10:37,800 - Mm-hmm. 879 01:10:40,200 --> 01:10:43,400 Throw her in with the others. Bind him. 880 01:10:47,300 --> 01:10:50,800 - Oh, Papa. 881 01:10:51,000 --> 01:10:53,700 - Dick Steele? - Oh, Ms. Dahl. 882 01:10:55,500 --> 01:10:57,400 - Barbara Dahl. - Get your paws off me, 883 01:10:57,500 --> 01:10:59,600 - Huh. - you damn dirty apes! 884 01:11:03,700 --> 01:11:05,800 - No! - You remember Barbara Dahl. 885 01:11:06,000 --> 01:11:07,800 Victoria's daughter? 886 01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:13,400 I'd like to see you watch her go up like you watched her mother go down. 887 01:11:13,600 --> 01:11:18,100 But I'd rather let you just be a dessert for my little pet. 888 01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:22,900 What's left of you will have to watch helplessly... 889 01:11:23,000 --> 01:11:27,700 while I play Mortal Kombat with the entire world! 890 01:12:07,500 --> 01:12:12,200 Huh? 891 01:12:19,800 --> 01:12:22,700 It's gonna blow! Hurry up! 892 01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:36,900 Come on! 893 01:13:19,600 --> 01:13:21,600 You are very immature. 894 01:13:21,800 --> 01:13:24,100 Bullies tend to have very bad self- esteem. 895 01:13:26,400 --> 01:13:29,600 Aha! 896 01:13:31,200 --> 01:13:33,800 Oh-ho! 897 01:13:36,800 --> 01:13:39,200 Leave me alone! I'm an unarmed man! 898 01:14:10,500 --> 01:14:14,400 - Oh, Miss Cheevus. - Dick, I'm sorry. 899 01:14:14,600 --> 01:14:18,000 - One minute and 22 seconds. One minute and 21 seconds. 900 01:14:18,200 --> 01:14:20,300 - One minute and 20 seconds. - You were under the influence of an evil man. 901 01:14:20,500 --> 01:14:22,500 - One minute and 19 seconds. - It was still a lousy thing to do. 902 01:14:22,700 --> 01:14:26,500 One minute and 18 seconds. One minute and 17 seconds. 903 01:14:26,600 --> 01:14:31,200 - One minute and 16 seconds. - Oh-oh. General, it's broken. 904 01:14:31,300 --> 01:14:35,200 Well, you'll like space. Lots of elbow room and-- 905 01:14:35,400 --> 01:14:37,500 - One minute and 12 seconds. - Oh, whoops. Sorry. 906 01:14:37,600 --> 01:14:41,200 - One minute and 11 seconds. One minute and ten seconds. 907 01:14:41,400 --> 01:14:46,000 Y eah, you lose, Steele! That countdown is irreversible! 908 01:14:46,200 --> 01:14:49,200 - Really? 909 01:14:49,400 --> 01:14:50,800 - One minute and five seconds. - Well... 910 01:14:51,000 --> 01:14:52,900 - let's just see how... - We need to go! 911 01:14:53,100 --> 01:14:56,000 - One minute and three seconds. - irreversible that really is. 912 01:14:56,100 --> 01:14:58,000 It's irreversible, 913 01:14:58,100 --> 01:15:01,300 and there's nothing you patriotic pansies can do about it! 914 01:15:01,500 --> 01:15:03,700 - 59 seconds, 58 seconds. Let me tell you what being patriotic really is, 915 01:15:03,900 --> 01:15:06,700 you scumbag poop. 916 01:15:07,000 --> 01:15:10,500 This is a great country where a man can sue anyone he wants anytime he wants. 917 01:15:10,700 --> 01:15:14,400 It's a great country because thousands of people die every year... 918 01:15:14,500 --> 01:15:17,000 from handguns, and, yet, at this very moment, 919 01:15:17,200 --> 01:15:22,000 you can still walk into a convenience store anywhere and buy one of those guns. 920 01:15:22,200 --> 01:15:24,400 - That's democracy. - It's finally time somebody does... 921 01:15:24,600 --> 01:15:26,500 what that fool Steele should have done. 922 01:15:26,700 --> 01:15:28,400 - This is a great country... - And it's gonna be me! 923 01:15:28,600 --> 01:15:33,600 - because anyone who's male has the right... - Let's go! 924 01:15:33,700 --> 01:15:37,200 - to run for the office of the President. - Let's go! Move it! 925 01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:40,200 - This is a great country because any moron can 926 01:15:40,400 --> 01:15:42,500 - All right, everyone, drop your guns! 927 01:15:42,700 --> 01:15:44,800 I'm, uh, taking over! 928 01:15:47,500 --> 01:15:49,800 Steele... get down from there. 929 01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:53,700 - Dick, come on. We have to go. 930 01:15:53,800 --> 01:15:56,500 - Now! - Oh! 931 01:15:56,600 --> 01:15:58,500 - Come on! Come on! - I wasn't finished. 932 01:15:58,700 --> 01:16:00,500 Quick! Hurry up! Just move it! 933 01:16:00,700 --> 01:16:02,500 Twenty seconds. 934 01:16:06,000 --> 01:16:09,500 Steele, you're always doing this to me! 935 01:16:11,600 --> 01:16:14,100 - You lose, Steele! 936 01:16:14,200 --> 01:16:16,100 I'm not through! I'll be back! 937 01:16:16,200 --> 01:16:18,700 Maybe just tissue or a brain! 938 01:16:18,900 --> 01:16:21,700 - Open the door! I'm stuck in here! - I'll be back! 939 01:16:21,900 --> 01:16:25,200 - I'm going up, but you and your whole world... 940 01:16:25,400 --> 01:16:27,400 are going down! 941 01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:30,200 - I'll be back, maybe without legs... - Open the damn door! 942 01:16:30,400 --> 01:16:34,200 - or some other minor organ. - Wait! I don't want to miss the fireworks! 943 01:16:46,200 --> 01:16:48,300 How about a hand for General Rancor? 944 01:16:50,400 --> 01:16:53,200 You're not through with me! 945 01:16:54,600 --> 01:16:57,200 - Ah, well. 946 01:16:57,400 --> 01:16:57,400 - Houston, we have a problem. 947 01:17:17,800 --> 01:17:23,500 A man of intrigue He lives for the thrill 948 01:17:26,400 --> 01:17:32,200 Always has places to go and people to kill 949 01:17:34,400 --> 01:17:37,600 Danger is the game he plays 950 01:17:37,800 --> 01:17:41,800 And he holds every card 951 01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:45,000 'Cause if you wanna win 952 01:17:45,200 --> 01:17:48,500 You gotta spy hard 953 01:17:51,400 --> 01:17:56,600 A man of the world so suave and discreet 954 01:17:59,400 --> 01:18:04,800 He trips over the women piled up at his feet 955 01:18:08,300 --> 01:18:10,700 But evil's lurking 956 01:18:10,900 --> 01:18:15,400 So he's always on his guard 957 01:18:15,600 --> 01:18:18,600 'Cause if you're gonna spy 958 01:18:18,800 --> 01:18:24,000 You better spy hard 959 01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:27,600 He's always there 960 01:18:27,800 --> 01:18:32,400 When the chips are beginning to fall 961 01:18:32,600 --> 01:18:36,000 He wouldn't care 962 01:18:36,200 --> 01:18:38,600 If they kicked him and grabbed him 963 01:18:38,700 --> 01:18:40,600 And shot him and stabbed him 964 01:18:40,800 --> 01:18:44,900 And nailed both his ears to the wall 965 01:18:46,500 --> 01:18:48,600 Facing death every day 966 01:18:48,800 --> 01:18:53,600 Is a tough job for any man 967 01:18:53,800 --> 01:18:57,200 But his hours are flexible 968 01:18:57,400 --> 01:19:00,700 And he's got a great dental plan 969 01:19:02,300 --> 01:19:06,000 By the way if you walked in late 970 01:19:06,200 --> 01:19:10,200 Allow me to reiterate 971 01:19:10,400 --> 01:19:13,800 The name of this movie 972 01:19:14,000 --> 01:19:17,600 Was Spy Hard 973 01:19:17,800 --> 01:19:21,700 They called it Spy Hard 974 01:19:21,900 --> 01:19:25,600 You just saw Spy Hard 975 01:19:25,700 --> 01:19:31,500 It's the end of Spy Hard