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Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
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MAN: I don't know
what the fuck is going on
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00:00:58,383 --> 00:01:00,147
in this country, man!
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Every day I turn on the TV,
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and I see these fucking freaks
marching for their rights!
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(PEOPLE MURMURING)
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What about our rights?
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(PEOPLE SHOUTING IN AGREEMENT)
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This is our time
to show the world
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that we are not
just an online movement!
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(PEOPLE SHOUTING IN AGREEMENT)
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We're growing physically!
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This is our time
to assert ourselves
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as the true voice of America!
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MEN: (SHOUTING) Yeah!
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Yes, let's do that!
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MAN: Now, you may have noticed
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that our friend Aryan Grande
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has brought in a new recruit.
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FucktheJews82.
Welcome, brother!
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ALL: Yeah!
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Hi. Heil. Heil, everybody.
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White power. Obviously.
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Been a big fan of you guys
for a while.
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Since World War II, really.
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That's when you made your
big entrance, on the scene.
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And, uh... Yeah.
Just, um, in closing...
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- Fuck the Jews!
- ALL: (SHOUT) Yeah!
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- Welcome!
- (ALL GRUNT)
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Let's fucking party!
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(ALL YELLING AND CHEERING)
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(HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
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So you guys are, like, pretty
active on social media, right?
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MEN: Yeah.
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How many times a day would you
say you tweet on average?
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- Hey, FTJ!
- FRED: Yo!
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You said you wanted
a swastika tattoo.
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Now's your chance.
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Yeah, you know, I've been
thinking about it. I'm cool.
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Come on, man.
We all got 'em!
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You guys want me to get
a swastika tattoo?
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MEN: Yeah!
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I will get a swastika tattoo.
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Um...
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Yeah.
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Hey, take over, man.
I got to take a piss.
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(TATTOO MACHINE BUZZING)
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Super cool, guys.
Thank you for this.
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This is really exciting.
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All right, here we go!
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(CHUCKLES)
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Ooh, right! Yeah!
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- (GRUNTS)
- That hurt?
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On many levels. Yes.
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(SOFTLY) Fuck!
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Hey! This you?
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You're a journalist?
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Yeah!
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We all got to be fucking
journalists in this day and age,
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mainstream media not covering
our side of the story!
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His name is Fred Flarsky.
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He writes for
the Brooklyn Advocate.
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- He's a fucking Jew!
- What?
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Look, look, look.
Okay, okay, okay. Hey!
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What are you doing here?
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You're here to fucking
embarrass us, huh?
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- Who sent you?
- (STAMMERS) No one sent me!
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It's okay. I'm... I'm...
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He's been recording us
the whole time!
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Fucking shit, man!
You infiltrated our group!
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You're gonna fucking die!
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How do you
turn this thing off?
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The fucking red button,
right there, man!
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(MEN CLAMORING)
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- (GLASS SHATTERS)
- (GRUNTING)
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Holy shit!
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(GROANING LOUDLY)
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Yeah! (LAUGHS)
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(GROANS)
Not only did I escape...
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I held onto my phone!
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Yes! Ow!
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(GROANS)
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I trusted you, man!
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Yeah, well...
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Jews win this round,
motherfucker!
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Peace! Ow.
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NEWSCASTER:
Tonight on Wembley News,
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we take an in-depth look
at Charlotte Field,
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a Rhodes Scholar,
a Pulitzer winner,
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and protege
of President Chambers,
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who tapped Field two years ago
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to be the youngest
secretary of state
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in the history of this nation.
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And honestly,
looking hotter than usual.
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Now, people are gonna say
that's sexist,
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but, she's just hot!
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NEWSCASTER 2: You know,
when we talk about women in this way,
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it is because
we respect them so much,
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and we start with their body.
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- (ALL LAUGH ON TV)
- You two are terrible.
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- Good night, Steven.
- Good night, Madam Secretary.
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Sorry for the late call,
Mr. Foreign Minister.
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Long day.
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Three bilaterals. (SIGHS)
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Listen, we're not going to be
able to do it.
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There's just not enough
traction around this thing.
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I believe in it, it's just...
I don't have Congress support.
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I don't have
the American people's support.
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I know you and I
don't like it, Chuck,
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but you know who likes it?
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88% of college-educated
Americans over 45.
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Likely voters.
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That's Gallup.
We have to make this happen.
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(WATER SPLASHING)
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(SIGHS)
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(ALARM BLARING)
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(GASPS)
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(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
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Well, I wouldn't call
the president inexperienced.
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I mean,
he did play a president
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on a very popular television
show for over a decade.
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You don't get
six Golden Globe nominations
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without being
pretty convincing.
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Um, I do think I'm funny.
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I'm sorry, I thought
this interview was about
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promoting democracy
in Eastern Europe.
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All right, next one's BBC.
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Would you be asking
a male cabinet member
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what products they use
in their hair?
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I'm just kidding.
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No, it's olive oil
and mayonnaise.
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I know. So cheap.
So much shine.
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(EXHALING)
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Good morning, Mr. President.
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(QUIETLY) Good morning,
Mr. President.
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Good morning, Mr. President.
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- Good morning, Mr. President.
- (TV PLAYING)
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Oh, hey, Charlotte.
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You caught me
watching my show. (LAUGHS)
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Mr. President. We still
recommend Option C.
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I am not nuking a tsunami!
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Oh, here it is.
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(SPEAKING ALONG TO TV)
Not now...
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Not today.
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Not in my house.
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Yes! (LAUGHING) I love that!
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(LAUGHS) Oh, me too.
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Anyway, that's not why
I called you here.
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(EXHALING)
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(SIGHS) Charlotte.
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Yes, sir?
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(CLICKS TONGUE) I will not be
seeking reelection.
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Really?
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Look, I know it's crazy,
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because I'm only halfway
through my first term.
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And you're incredibly
popular, sir.
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And I want to use
that popularity
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to transition into something
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more prestigious
than the presidency.
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I wanna make it in the movies.
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You're going to leave
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the Presidency
to go be in movies?
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- I know. It's gonna be tough.
- Ah...
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Only like, 10 guys
have made that jump
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from TV to film.
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Woody Harrelson,
George Clooney...
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Might be... Might be just two.
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I... Mr. President, have you
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given any consideration
as to whom you might endorse?
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I'm sure you're probably
thinking of McNichol
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or Crowly. Strong choices.
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So strange, because I was
considering a run in 2024.
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And I've been vetted.
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So that's all done.
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And I can't stop thinking
about what...
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What it would do
for your legacy
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to endorse the first
female president.
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I mean... Wow.
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That's a legacy.
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- Charlotte?
- Hmm?
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I would like to endorse you
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to be the next president
of the United States.
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I mean, if you think that's
a good idea, sir, I trust you.
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I'd... I'd be honored.
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I'm gonna be pulling
for Team Charlotte. Right?
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Because you've been
a great secretary.
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...of state.
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Whatever. It's a cool job.
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And, um, you've done it well.
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- Thank you, sir.
- So stay focused.
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Don't make
any major screw-ups.
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Don't kill any hookers.
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- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Probably not a problem for you.
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I don't know what you're into.
Whatever.
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And before you know it...
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(HUMMING)
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I like the sound of that.
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♪ Hey, here she comes
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♪ It's the first lady president
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♪ Who can believe
that she's actually a woman
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Thank you, sir.
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♪ She's got a big brain
And a couple other assets ♪
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TOUR GUIDE:
Oh, and here we see
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00:10:08,302 --> 00:10:10,100
Secretary of State
Charlotte Field.
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00:10:10,102 --> 00:10:11,334
Good morning.
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00:10:11,336 --> 00:10:12,633
(TOUR GUIDE CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
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00:10:12,635 --> 00:10:14,001
(QUIETLY) Yes!
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00:10:18,069 --> 00:10:20,766
So the headline is,
"You're in great shape."
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00:10:20,768 --> 00:10:23,434
- Ninety-two, that's good.
- Really good.
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00:10:23,436 --> 00:10:25,133
- Yeah.
- KATHERINE: And now, keep in mind
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00:10:25,135 --> 00:10:27,666
that these are numbers
for a female candidate.
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00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:31,067
If you were a man, you'd be
in the 192nd percentile.
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00:10:31,069 --> 00:10:33,234
- Well, that seems about right.
- Yeah.
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00:10:33,236 --> 00:10:35,334
'Cause the man... Okay.
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00:10:35,336 --> 00:10:38,367
Um, your sense of humor is 82,
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00:10:38,369 --> 00:10:40,633
which is solid. It's solid.
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00:10:40,635 --> 00:10:42,733
But, you know, we wouldn't
mind seeing those numbers
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00:10:42,735 --> 00:10:45,100
go up a few points, or more.
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00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,300
So, I'm going to get
some writing samples from
220
00:10:47,302 --> 00:10:48,834
- some funny speech writers.
- Great.
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00:10:48,836 --> 00:10:52,167
I am really interested
in knowing how people feel
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00:10:52,169 --> 00:10:54,100
- about my accomplishments.
- Yeah.
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00:10:54,102 --> 00:10:55,733
Right. You know, so we don't
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00:10:55,735 --> 00:10:59,734
drill down
on specific policies.
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00:10:59,736 --> 00:11:02,834
And that's only because
people don't seem to care.
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00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:04,234
That's interesting.
227
00:11:04,236 --> 00:11:07,600
With that said, if you could
broker some deal
228
00:11:07,602 --> 00:11:09,133
that gets you
out there talking
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00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,501
about a thing that you feel
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00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,633
really strongly about,
that would be great.
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00:11:12,635 --> 00:11:13,566
CHARLOTTE:
Well, that's perfect.
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00:11:13,568 --> 00:11:15,667
I mean, we've been
looking for an opening
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00:11:15,669 --> 00:11:17,602
to start a conversation
about the environment.
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00:11:18,402 --> 00:11:21,067
(CHUCKLES) All right.
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00:11:21,069 --> 00:11:23,834
Romantically, if I may...
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00:11:23,836 --> 00:11:26,834
Remember the stir online
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00:11:26,836 --> 00:11:29,434
when the Canadian
Prime Minister and you
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00:11:29,436 --> 00:11:31,334
were seated next to each other
239
00:11:31,336 --> 00:11:32,834
at The Global Business Forum?
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00:11:32,836 --> 00:11:34,234
Mmm-hmm.
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00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:36,367
A relationship like that
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00:11:36,369 --> 00:11:39,135
would push you
into the high 90s.
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00:11:39,569 --> 00:11:42,200
High 90s? Wow.
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00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,536
KATHERINE:
That brings us to...
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00:11:47,269 --> 00:11:49,200
CHARLOTTE: What's wrong
with my wave?
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00:11:49,202 --> 00:11:51,200
Um, I think people feel that
247
00:11:51,202 --> 00:11:54,234
that level of elbow movement
is, um...
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00:11:54,236 --> 00:11:55,734
It stresses people out.
249
00:11:55,736 --> 00:11:58,734
You know what? It's just
an area for improvement.
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00:11:58,736 --> 00:12:00,501
Okay, fine,
I'll work on the wave.
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00:12:00,503 --> 00:12:02,370
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
252
00:12:04,736 --> 00:12:06,368
- Hey.
- BOSS: Hey, Fred.
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00:12:06,370 --> 00:12:09,069
You're gonna love this.
I almost died.
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00:12:09,503 --> 00:12:11,100
You got a second?
255
00:12:11,102 --> 00:12:13,767
- Yeah.
- Come on.
256
00:12:13,769 --> 00:12:16,267
I actually have
some really great news.
257
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,435
- Really? Cool.
- Yes. (CHUCKLES)
258
00:12:18,437 --> 00:12:20,767
We were just bought
by Wembley Media.
259
00:12:20,769 --> 00:12:22,734
- What?
- Yeah.
260
00:12:22,736 --> 00:12:23,634
Are you fucking kidding me?
261
00:12:23,636 --> 00:12:25,100
I knew you'd have
a harsh reaction...
262
00:12:25,102 --> 00:12:26,268
A harsh reaction?
263
00:12:26,270 --> 00:12:27,701
- Fred, this is a good thing.
- How?
264
00:12:27,703 --> 00:12:29,301
The fucker
represents everything
265
00:12:29,303 --> 00:12:30,767
that we've been fighting
against since day one!
266
00:12:30,769 --> 00:12:33,667
The whole point of this paper is
to fight giant media conglomerates.
267
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,467
Now we've been bought
by a giant media conglomerate.
268
00:12:35,469 --> 00:12:37,734
- I do see the irony.
- Irony?
269
00:12:37,736 --> 00:12:40,401
He's gonna turn this place
into a propaganda machine.
270
00:12:40,403 --> 00:12:42,268
Not the good kind,
that's right!
271
00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:44,067
- (STAMMERS)
- The bad kind, that's wrong!
272
00:12:44,069 --> 00:12:45,435
Well, we're out of options.
273
00:12:45,437 --> 00:12:47,168
We've been running
as long as we can
274
00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:49,567
on ads for weed doctors
and escorts.
275
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:51,667
Let's get penis enlargement
ads, too.
276
00:12:51,669 --> 00:12:53,134
No one likes their dick.
277
00:12:53,136 --> 00:12:55,101
- Come on, Fred.
- This Wembley guy,
278
00:12:55,103 --> 00:12:57,634
he ran fake stories
to help get Chambers elected.
279
00:12:57,636 --> 00:12:58,601
No, they couldn't prove that.
280
00:12:58,603 --> 00:13:00,801
We proved it! I wrote
three articles about it!
281
00:13:00,803 --> 00:13:02,701
- You published them!
- I did.
282
00:13:02,703 --> 00:13:05,401
The shit that comes out
of this fucking guy's mouth...
283
00:13:05,403 --> 00:13:08,101
He said hurricanes were
caused by gay marriage.
284
00:13:08,103 --> 00:13:09,701
I don't even get
how that fucking works.
285
00:13:09,703 --> 00:13:11,301
I don't even get
the math on that one.
286
00:13:11,303 --> 00:13:13,368
- Fred, it's done, all right?
- It's done?
287
00:13:13,370 --> 00:13:16,834
They're upstairs finalizing
the deal right now. (SIGHS)
288
00:13:16,836 --> 00:13:19,601
Look, we have to cut
two-thirds of our staff.
289
00:13:19,603 --> 00:13:21,634
- Two-thirds?
- Yeah.
290
00:13:21,636 --> 00:13:24,068
But we wanna keep you on.
They wanna keep you on.
291
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:25,467
It's just...
292
00:13:25,469 --> 00:13:27,368
You just have to
tone it down a little bit.
293
00:13:27,370 --> 00:13:28,835
I don't know how I can
tone things down
294
00:13:28,837 --> 00:13:30,501
any more than
I'm toning them down.
295
00:13:30,503 --> 00:13:32,501
Okay, Fred.
You're a great writer.
296
00:13:32,503 --> 00:13:33,667
- Thank you.
- All right, you're funny,
297
00:13:33,669 --> 00:13:35,368
you take risks,
you connect with people.
298
00:13:35,370 --> 00:13:36,634
I'm sensing a twist in this.
299
00:13:36,636 --> 00:13:38,636
You have a distinct,
authentic voice, but...
300
00:13:39,769 --> 00:13:41,634
Sometimes you're
a little too much.
301
00:13:41,636 --> 00:13:42,667
I don't think I am too much!
302
00:13:42,669 --> 00:13:45,168
I actually think I'm
the perfect right portion.
303
00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:46,667
Look, you have your job.
304
00:13:46,669 --> 00:13:49,501
Okay, focus on that and just
toe the line a little bit.
305
00:13:49,503 --> 00:13:51,101
You know what? I quit.
306
00:13:51,103 --> 00:13:52,235
Oh, come on, Fred.
307
00:13:52,237 --> 00:13:54,235
You should quit, too.
Everyone should fucking quit.
308
00:13:54,237 --> 00:13:56,168
No, I'm not gonna quit,
I need my job.
309
00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:58,268
I need my fucking job, too.
I'm broke, man!
310
00:13:58,270 --> 00:13:59,668
But I can't work for that guy.
311
00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:02,068
At least let me fire you
so you can get unemployment.
312
00:14:02,070 --> 00:14:04,134
No fucking way!
313
00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:06,268
I want him to know
that I quit.
314
00:14:06,270 --> 00:14:08,602
He's never gonna know it,
he's never heard of you.
315
00:14:08,604 --> 00:14:11,168
You're gonna destroy your life to
spite a guy who's never heard of you?
316
00:14:11,170 --> 00:14:12,735
Yes! You said it best!
317
00:14:12,737 --> 00:14:13,902
That's exactly
what I'm doing.
318
00:14:13,904 --> 00:14:16,702
You're making bad decisions
and it's bumming me out, man.
319
00:14:16,704 --> 00:14:18,168
Well, that makes
two of us.
320
00:14:18,170 --> 00:14:21,735
Fuck this.
Journalism died today, people.
321
00:14:21,737 --> 00:14:24,702
Yes, hello, this is, uh,
Fred Flarsky.
322
00:14:24,704 --> 00:14:26,635
Um... I, uh,
323
00:14:26,637 --> 00:14:28,201
was just calling to say
that I was forced
324
00:14:28,203 --> 00:14:29,467
to quit my job recently,
325
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,168
making me
something of a free agent.
326
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:32,735
And I know in the past, uh,
327
00:14:32,737 --> 00:14:35,435
you said I'm not exactly what
The Times was looking for,
328
00:14:35,437 --> 00:14:38,101
but I was just calling
to see if anything's changed.
329
00:14:38,103 --> 00:14:40,235
Uh, just give me a ring.
Thank you so much.
330
00:14:40,237 --> 00:14:42,437
Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um...
331
00:14:44,170 --> 00:14:45,468
I lost my job
and I'm very sad.
332
00:14:45,470 --> 00:14:47,068
Can I come by?
333
00:14:47,070 --> 00:14:48,403
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
334
00:14:52,403 --> 00:14:53,668
LANCE: We need to
schedule a meeting
335
00:14:53,670 --> 00:14:55,668
and see what they have to say.
336
00:14:55,670 --> 00:14:57,203
Excuse me.
337
00:14:58,370 --> 00:15:01,168
Man, I can't believe
they did you like that.
338
00:15:01,170 --> 00:15:02,802
It's fucked up. I'm pissed.
339
00:15:02,804 --> 00:15:04,735
But you're gonna feel a lot
better, man, we're leaving.
340
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,435
You can leave work right now?
341
00:15:06,437 --> 00:15:08,502
Yeah, I can fucking leave.
You see this corner office?
342
00:15:08,504 --> 00:15:09,768
That's a
"I can leave this bitch
343
00:15:09,770 --> 00:15:11,735
"whenever I want"
corner office.
344
00:15:11,737 --> 00:15:13,271
Come on, man. Everybody!
345
00:15:14,437 --> 00:15:16,168
This is my best friend,
346
00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:17,702
and he just
lost his job today.
347
00:15:17,704 --> 00:15:19,568
All right?
He's at rock bottom.
348
00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,768
- It's not that bad.
- He feels like shit.
349
00:15:21,770 --> 00:15:23,435
And I'm gonna
make him feel better.
350
00:15:23,437 --> 00:15:25,134
It's been a tradition
since we were in college,
351
00:15:25,136 --> 00:15:26,502
when one of us feels sad,
352
00:15:26,504 --> 00:15:28,236
the other one
has to get him fucked up.
353
00:15:28,238 --> 00:15:32,401
I'm talking Britney Spears,
mid-2000s bald head,
354
00:15:32,403 --> 00:15:34,668
almost dropping the baby
fucked up.
355
00:15:34,670 --> 00:15:36,768
No judgement. No judgement.
356
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,135
I need my schedule cleared,
Zander.
357
00:15:39,137 --> 00:15:40,236
I don't want to do shit.
358
00:15:40,238 --> 00:15:42,468
I'm going off-grid
till tomorrow.
359
00:15:42,470 --> 00:15:43,537
Matter of fact...
360
00:15:44,637 --> 00:15:46,568
- Everybody's got the day off.
- (ALL CHEER)
361
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:49,069
Everybody's got the day off.
Y'all got the day off.
362
00:15:49,071 --> 00:15:50,169
Everybody, go home.
363
00:15:50,171 --> 00:15:52,835
I'm so appreciative
of all of you guys' hard work.
364
00:15:52,837 --> 00:15:54,568
I love
every single one of you.
365
00:15:54,570 --> 00:15:55,635
Except you, Ted!
366
00:15:55,637 --> 00:15:58,735
Bagel Friday
is for everybody, Ted!
367
00:15:58,737 --> 00:16:00,835
You don't think we know
you taking the bagels?
368
00:16:00,837 --> 00:16:02,202
WOMAN: Yeah, Ted, not cool.
369
00:16:02,204 --> 00:16:03,135
- Zander.
- ZANDER: Yeah?
370
00:16:03,137 --> 00:16:05,368
I need two cans
of the Pamplemousse LaCroix.
371
00:16:05,370 --> 00:16:06,602
- ZANDER: Uh-huh.
- I need that filled
372
00:16:06,604 --> 00:16:09,135
with Johnnie Walker Blue
and CBD oil.
373
00:16:09,137 --> 00:16:10,303
Do you want one?
374
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,335
FRED: I got fucked, man.
375
00:16:13,337 --> 00:16:16,069
Yeah, you got fucked
like a stepmom on Pornhub.
376
00:16:16,071 --> 00:16:17,235
Well, it happens to everybody.
377
00:16:17,237 --> 00:16:19,169
I've been unemployed before,
it sucks.
378
00:16:19,171 --> 00:16:20,435
But I didn't ask
for any handouts.
379
00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:23,235
I picked myself up by
my bootstraps and got to it.
380
00:16:23,237 --> 00:16:24,668
Where are we going right now?
381
00:16:24,670 --> 00:16:26,468
Best day ever, Fred.
Don't worry about it.
382
00:16:26,470 --> 00:16:28,635
I've got this dope afternoon
planned for us.
383
00:16:28,637 --> 00:16:30,435
First we're going to finish
these Pamplemousse's.
384
00:16:30,437 --> 00:16:31,401
Play at the park.
385
00:16:31,403 --> 00:16:33,435
After that we're going to
go to Peter Luger's,
386
00:16:33,437 --> 00:16:34,602
get you a nice fat steak,
387
00:16:34,604 --> 00:16:37,301
and then finish it off with
a World Wildlife Fund benefit.
388
00:16:37,303 --> 00:16:38,668
I don't know if I
want to go to some
389
00:16:38,670 --> 00:16:40,235
fancy rich person party.
390
00:16:40,237 --> 00:16:41,568
What... Oh, come on, man,
391
00:16:41,570 --> 00:16:43,169
don't be so judgmental,
all right?
392
00:16:43,171 --> 00:16:45,568
It's free booze and
there'll be pandas and shit.
393
00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:48,102
- People love pandas and shit.
- I don't know.
394
00:16:48,104 --> 00:16:49,335
All right, fine, Fred.
395
00:16:49,337 --> 00:16:50,736
Then just do nothing.
All right?
396
00:16:50,738 --> 00:16:52,669
Go home, do nothing.
397
00:16:52,671 --> 00:16:55,237
And don't kick it with your
best friend and Boyz II Men.
398
00:16:56,370 --> 00:16:57,603
Say what?
399
00:16:57,605 --> 00:16:59,335
Oh, yeah.
400
00:16:59,337 --> 00:17:00,803
Boyz II Men is bringing
their timeless blend
401
00:17:00,805 --> 00:17:04,069
of R&B, hip-hop and
new jack swing to the party.
402
00:17:04,071 --> 00:17:06,069
I thought you would
like to be there.
403
00:17:06,071 --> 00:17:07,769
Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men?
404
00:17:07,771 --> 00:17:10,836
♪ Motownphilly's back again
405
00:17:10,838 --> 00:17:11,936
(VOCALIZING)
406
00:17:11,938 --> 00:17:12,836
That's what I'm talking about,
man. Let's do this shit.
407
00:17:12,838 --> 00:17:14,803
Okay, let's have fun.
What a fun day.
408
00:17:14,805 --> 00:17:16,769
- (BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
409
00:17:16,771 --> 00:17:20,401
CHARLOTTE: I am so hungry,
it's insane.
410
00:17:20,403 --> 00:17:21,636
Why didn't you
PowerBar me?
411
00:17:21,638 --> 00:17:23,135
I tried,
you pushed my hand away.
412
00:17:23,137 --> 00:17:24,301
Oh.
413
00:17:24,303 --> 00:17:27,301
Skewered foods. I can't eat
skewered foods gracefully.
414
00:17:27,303 --> 00:17:28,703
I look like
a fucking caveman.
415
00:17:28,705 --> 00:17:30,469
Yeah, and there are
cameras everywhere.
416
00:17:30,471 --> 00:17:32,301
That's really gonna hurt
your elegance score.
417
00:17:32,303 --> 00:17:33,371
That's my best score.
418
00:17:37,771 --> 00:17:39,703
Fuck! It's all
skewered foods.
419
00:17:39,705 --> 00:17:41,369
I'm gonna take the chicken
off the skewers.
420
00:17:41,371 --> 00:17:43,301
- Take it off...
- Quickly. Quickly.
421
00:17:43,303 --> 00:17:45,268
Why do they make this
so difficult...
422
00:17:45,270 --> 00:17:47,603
Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
I apologize.
423
00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:50,168
- Jesus fucking Christ.
- Can't do things...
424
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:52,134
Just make a fucking...
Make a wall. Make a wall.
425
00:17:52,136 --> 00:17:54,004
- Yup. Yes.
- CHARLOTTE: Do you have it?
426
00:17:57,170 --> 00:17:58,769
Good. Good, good,
good, good.
427
00:17:58,771 --> 00:18:00,571
(MUFFLED) Oh, my God,
it's really good chicken.
428
00:18:02,204 --> 00:18:03,769
James Steward is approaching.
James Steward is approaching.
429
00:18:03,771 --> 00:18:04,836
What?
430
00:18:04,838 --> 00:18:06,603
Okay, he's about
nine feet away.
431
00:18:06,605 --> 00:18:08,636
His dick is probably
about seven feet away.
432
00:18:08,638 --> 00:18:10,402
- (WHISPERS) Maggie!
- MAGGIE: Six feet away.
433
00:18:10,404 --> 00:18:12,271
Five feet away.
Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit.
434
00:18:13,638 --> 00:18:15,669
- James!
- Bonsoir.
435
00:18:15,671 --> 00:18:17,503
- Hi.
- Good evening.
436
00:18:17,505 --> 00:18:19,169
(IN ACCENTED ENGLISH)
I am so sorry I missed you
437
00:18:19,171 --> 00:18:20,836
when I was at the White House
a few weeks ago.
438
00:18:20,838 --> 00:18:23,769
Oh, are you so "sorry," James?
439
00:18:23,771 --> 00:18:25,302
(LAUGHS) You're never gonna
440
00:18:25,304 --> 00:18:26,636
stop making that joke,
are you?
441
00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:28,769
- No. I'm not.
- (LAUGHS)
442
00:18:28,771 --> 00:18:30,236
- (MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
- Well, I... Oh, hello.
443
00:18:30,238 --> 00:18:31,536
- Hi.
- Oh, yes.
444
00:18:31,538 --> 00:18:33,338
- PHOTOGRAPHER: Thank you.
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
445
00:18:34,705 --> 00:18:36,738
- One more. One more.
- One more.
446
00:18:37,838 --> 00:18:40,202
Merci. Thank you.
447
00:18:40,204 --> 00:18:41,371
What do you say
we get out of here?
448
00:18:42,738 --> 00:18:45,503
Grab a drink somewhere
a bit more private.
449
00:18:45,505 --> 00:18:47,636
(MUSIC STARTS PLAYING)
450
00:18:47,638 --> 00:18:48,836
- Yes...
- Yeah?
451
00:18:48,838 --> 00:18:51,102
- (ALL CHEERING)
- Oh, my God!
452
00:18:51,104 --> 00:18:52,836
Make some noise out there!
Make some noise!
453
00:18:52,838 --> 00:18:55,135
Yeah! Check it out, y'all!
454
00:18:55,137 --> 00:18:57,269
One question,
what's the name of the group?
455
00:18:57,271 --> 00:18:58,536
CROWD: Boyz II Men!
456
00:18:58,538 --> 00:18:59,402
What's the name
of the group, y'all?
457
00:18:59,404 --> 00:19:00,736
CROWD: Boyz II Men!
458
00:19:00,738 --> 00:19:02,738
(SINGING)
459
00:19:22,605 --> 00:19:23,669
Yeah...
460
00:19:23,671 --> 00:19:24,704
I told you this
would be dope.
461
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:27,770
Yeah, uh...
This is really cheering me up.
462
00:19:27,772 --> 00:19:29,202
- (LAUGHS)
- Wow.
463
00:19:29,204 --> 00:19:30,538
(CONTINUE SINGING)
464
00:19:38,806 --> 00:19:40,236
I'm super underdressed.
465
00:19:40,238 --> 00:19:41,536
Stop complaining,
all right?
466
00:19:41,538 --> 00:19:43,469
You think
you feel outta place?
467
00:19:43,471 --> 00:19:44,637
This is one of
the brightest rooms
468
00:19:44,639 --> 00:19:46,670
I've ever been in,
in my life.
469
00:19:46,672 --> 00:19:48,471
Bright?
What do you mean, bright?
470
00:19:49,071 --> 00:19:50,302
Like white.
471
00:19:50,304 --> 00:19:52,369
- Oh, "bright" is white?
- Yeah, man.
472
00:19:52,371 --> 00:19:54,436
It's only me,
the waiters and Boyz II Men.
473
00:19:54,438 --> 00:19:56,302
I've already had three people
tell me they love my music.
474
00:19:56,304 --> 00:19:58,171
(CONTINUE SINGING)
475
00:20:02,238 --> 00:20:03,470
Duty calls.
476
00:20:03,472 --> 00:20:05,837
I'll take a snow check
on that dance.
477
00:20:05,839 --> 00:20:08,436
- Canadian for "rain check."
- Okay. (LAUGHS)
478
00:20:08,438 --> 00:20:10,472
- (SPEAKS FRENCH)
- Okay.
479
00:20:12,204 --> 00:20:13,539
(CONTINUE SINGING)
480
00:20:17,439 --> 00:20:19,570
Man, you're pounding 'em
kinda hard, don't you think?
481
00:20:19,572 --> 00:20:21,637
I got fired today, man.
482
00:20:21,639 --> 00:20:23,004
You told me you quit.
483
00:20:24,405 --> 00:20:26,504
I was forced to quit
because of...
484
00:20:26,506 --> 00:20:27,637
Yeah, okay, man.
485
00:20:27,639 --> 00:20:29,004
Lie to me some more.
486
00:20:30,839 --> 00:20:32,104
You good?
487
00:20:37,372 --> 00:20:39,539
Shit. Is the secretary
of state looking at us?
488
00:20:41,472 --> 00:20:42,672
Oh, she's looking at you?
489
00:20:44,672 --> 00:20:46,037
Fred.
490
00:20:49,171 --> 00:20:51,305
Fred. What the hell?
What was that?
491
00:20:52,339 --> 00:20:54,205
Damn. Hey, what was that?
492
00:20:55,472 --> 00:20:57,069
I...
493
00:20:57,071 --> 00:20:58,470
Kinda... I kinda know her.
Okay?
494
00:20:58,472 --> 00:21:00,403
- You kinda know her?
- Yeah.
495
00:21:00,405 --> 00:21:02,136
Nobody kinda knows
Charlotte Field, all right?
496
00:21:02,138 --> 00:21:03,537
It's like kinda knowing
a mermaid, dude.
497
00:21:03,539 --> 00:21:04,670
You tell people that shit.
498
00:21:04,672 --> 00:21:06,337
- That's exceptional.
- Okay.
499
00:21:06,339 --> 00:21:07,637
I'll tell you a story.
500
00:21:07,639 --> 00:21:11,370
So, I'm like 13,
she's like 16.
501
00:21:11,372 --> 00:21:12,706
She's my babysitter.
502
00:21:18,272 --> 00:21:20,804
She's like, perfect.
She's very nice to me,
503
00:21:20,806 --> 00:21:22,337
which goes a long way with me.
504
00:21:22,339 --> 00:21:23,770
So, we're at her house...
505
00:21:23,772 --> 00:21:25,704
She's practicing a speech
that she's writing.
506
00:21:25,706 --> 00:21:27,670
She's running for
Student Council president.
507
00:21:27,672 --> 00:21:28,971
Did you know
that every year,
508
00:21:28,973 --> 00:21:31,804
the school throws away over
500 tons of recyclable garbage?
509
00:21:31,806 --> 00:21:34,637
- And no one cares.
- I know, it's total bullshit.
510
00:21:34,639 --> 00:21:36,237
But how do you get idiots
to care about shit
511
00:21:36,239 --> 00:21:39,337
- they don't care about?
- They'll just care
512
00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:41,370
because it's the right thing
to care about.
513
00:21:41,372 --> 00:21:44,370
You're more inspiring than George
Bush and Dan Quayle combined.
514
00:21:44,372 --> 00:21:46,136
Well, that's not too hard.
515
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:47,570
(BOTH LAUGH)
516
00:21:47,572 --> 00:21:49,303
FRED: Well, she was amazing,
and she was smart,
517
00:21:49,305 --> 00:21:50,637
and she seemed to
kinda like me,
518
00:21:50,639 --> 00:21:52,403
and I felt like
we were having a moment.
519
00:21:52,405 --> 00:21:54,570
You know what I mean?
Like a romantic moment.
520
00:21:54,572 --> 00:21:55,637
Oh, shit.
521
00:21:55,639 --> 00:21:57,237
FRED: So I did something,
522
00:21:57,239 --> 00:21:59,337
that in retrospect
was highly inappropriate.
523
00:21:59,339 --> 00:22:00,639
I kissed her.
524
00:22:01,305 --> 00:22:02,637
I looked down...
525
00:22:02,639 --> 00:22:04,805
I got a fucking
13-year-old boner, man!
526
00:22:04,807 --> 00:22:07,637
- Oh!
- Hard... But not big.
527
00:22:07,639 --> 00:22:10,437
But hard. And pronounced,
"13-year-old boner."
528
00:22:10,439 --> 00:22:11,437
Sorry.
529
00:22:11,439 --> 00:22:13,405
And she looks at it.
She sees it. And she goes...
530
00:22:14,172 --> 00:22:15,237
It's okay.
531
00:22:15,239 --> 00:22:16,738
- (GROANS)
- And then,
532
00:22:16,740 --> 00:22:18,604
her boyfriend comes
into the room,
533
00:22:18,606 --> 00:22:20,303
who was in the other room
watching Blossom!
534
00:22:20,305 --> 00:22:21,370
Hey, babe.
535
00:22:21,372 --> 00:22:23,237
Points out my fucking
little boner.
536
00:22:23,239 --> 00:22:25,638
- He makes a joke!
- Whoa!
537
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,172
FRED: And they left.
538
00:22:27,807 --> 00:22:29,339
(MOUTHING) I'm sorry.
539
00:22:31,372 --> 00:22:34,439
And I'm left
standing there alone...
540
00:22:35,272 --> 00:22:36,237
...in the kitchen,
541
00:22:36,239 --> 00:22:39,237
with my little, hard
13-year-old fucking boner.
542
00:22:39,239 --> 00:22:41,403
- Hard as a rock.
- And on top of that,
543
00:22:41,405 --> 00:22:43,070
she didn't win
the fucking election.
544
00:22:43,072 --> 00:22:45,771
Bill Sterling won because
he ran on a two-prom platform.
545
00:22:45,773 --> 00:22:48,805
- Two-prom!
- Two-proms! Back-to-back!
546
00:22:48,807 --> 00:22:51,170
(SCOFFS) She didn't stand
a fucking chance.
547
00:22:51,172 --> 00:22:52,303
No, man.
548
00:22:52,305 --> 00:22:54,337
I think you're skimming over
the best part of that story.
549
00:22:54,339 --> 00:22:56,070
What's the best part
of that story?
550
00:22:56,072 --> 00:22:57,837
She says your boner was okay.
551
00:22:57,839 --> 00:22:59,638
She said, "It's okay,"
like she was trying
552
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,471
to not make me
fucking feel bad.
553
00:23:01,473 --> 00:23:03,471
Fred, you see
a fucked-up story,
554
00:23:03,473 --> 00:23:07,203
when I see a beautiful story
about a girl that you liked,
555
00:23:07,205 --> 00:23:10,337
liking your boner
in all of its okay-ness.
556
00:23:10,339 --> 00:23:12,404
You need
to talk to her tonight.
557
00:23:12,406 --> 00:23:13,671
She probably doesn't remember
who I am,
558
00:23:13,673 --> 00:23:15,371
and if she does remember
who I am,
559
00:23:15,373 --> 00:23:16,538
the last thing she wants is
560
00:23:16,540 --> 00:23:18,638
my 13-year-old-boner-having
fucking ass walking up to her.
561
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:19,705
- Look...
- AGENT M: Excuse me.
562
00:23:19,707 --> 00:23:20,738
Whoa.
563
00:23:20,740 --> 00:23:22,404
Secretary Field would
like to speak with you.
564
00:23:22,406 --> 00:23:23,638
With me?
565
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,070
With him, right?
566
00:23:25,072 --> 00:23:26,837
- Yeah.
- FRED: Right now?
567
00:23:26,839 --> 00:23:28,438
Uh, do you know why?
568
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:29,540
This way.
569
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:31,804
(SOFTLY) This is good.
570
00:23:31,806 --> 00:23:33,238
What are you
nervous about?
571
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,505
What the fuck?
Everything I just said!
572
00:23:35,507 --> 00:23:37,507
(SINGING SLOW R&B SONG)
573
00:23:45,138 --> 00:23:47,103
Oh, my God, dude,
there she is.
574
00:23:47,105 --> 00:23:49,105
(BOYZ II MEN VOCALIZING)
575
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,471
What are you gonna
say to her?
576
00:23:57,473 --> 00:23:59,071
I don't know.
577
00:23:59,073 --> 00:24:00,438
Should open with a neg.
578
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,738
Tell her she's too tall.
579
00:24:01,740 --> 00:24:03,638
I'm not gonna neg
the secretary of state.
580
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,573
- It was so nice to see you.
- WOMAN: You as well.
581
00:24:07,707 --> 00:24:10,505
Give me the signal
when you need me.
582
00:24:10,507 --> 00:24:12,638
- Hi.
- Hi.
583
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,071
A man brought me here.
584
00:24:14,073 --> 00:24:15,605
Yes, sorry about that.
585
00:24:15,607 --> 00:24:16,638
- Um...
- No, not at all.
586
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,505
I can't shake this feeling
that we know each other.
587
00:24:19,507 --> 00:24:21,137
- We do. Yeah.
- We do?
588
00:24:21,139 --> 00:24:22,538
- We do know each other.
- Okay, so I'm not crazy.
589
00:24:22,540 --> 00:24:24,837
- Uh, I'm Fred.
- Fred...
590
00:24:24,839 --> 00:24:26,137
I was shorter,
591
00:24:26,139 --> 00:24:27,571
- but other than that...
- Flarsky?
592
00:24:27,573 --> 00:24:28,638
Yeah! Holy fuck!
593
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,338
I can't believe it.
You remember.
594
00:24:30,340 --> 00:24:32,605
Oh, my God,
look at you!
595
00:24:32,607 --> 00:24:33,804
Look at me, yes.
596
00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:35,071
What are you doing here?
597
00:24:35,073 --> 00:24:37,571
My friend, Lance...
That's Lance.
598
00:24:37,573 --> 00:24:38,605
Hey, how you doing?
599
00:24:38,607 --> 00:24:41,271
He, uh, he just brought me
here to see Boyz II Men.
600
00:24:41,273 --> 00:24:42,404
I just met them.
601
00:24:42,406 --> 00:24:44,238
- You met the Men?
- Yeah.
602
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:45,838
- What was it like?
- Don't tell anybody,
603
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,338
but it was
the highlight of my life.
604
00:24:47,340 --> 00:24:48,471
Oh, I totally get that.
605
00:24:48,473 --> 00:24:49,471
And I've met
the Dalai Lama.
606
00:24:49,473 --> 00:24:52,137
Fuck him. How many hits
does he have? None.
607
00:24:52,139 --> 00:24:54,071
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Don't actually fuck him.
608
00:24:54,073 --> 00:24:55,204
- He's a wonderful man.
- Yeah.
609
00:24:55,206 --> 00:24:56,638
What are you doing
these days?
610
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:58,507
I bet it's
something amazing.
611
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,505
- It's pretty amazing.
- Yeah.
612
00:25:01,507 --> 00:25:02,571
Uh, yeah,
613
00:25:02,573 --> 00:25:05,171
but it's still in its, uh,
gestation period, I guess.
614
00:25:05,173 --> 00:25:06,338
I don't need to get into it.
615
00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:07,440
What about you,
what have you been up to?
616
00:25:08,406 --> 00:25:09,571
You're the secretary...
I'm joking.
617
00:25:09,573 --> 00:25:10,705
I know what
you've been up to.
618
00:25:10,707 --> 00:25:11,905
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)
- You're very, um...
619
00:25:11,907 --> 00:25:14,271
You know, I just, I... I just
wanna say it's, like, amazing
620
00:25:14,273 --> 00:25:15,338
to see what you've done
with your life.
621
00:25:15,340 --> 00:25:16,471
A lot of people say
they're gonna do
622
00:25:16,473 --> 00:25:18,571
all this incredible stuff
and they don't do anything,
623
00:25:18,573 --> 00:25:21,206
but you actually did it all,
so, congrats.
624
00:25:22,574 --> 00:25:24,538
Well, I'm trying.
625
00:25:24,540 --> 00:25:26,073
I think you've done it.
(CHUCKLES)
626
00:25:27,740 --> 00:25:29,039
PARKER: Oh!
627
00:25:30,206 --> 00:25:31,506
CHARLOTTE: Parker Wembley.
628
00:25:31,508 --> 00:25:32,771
I hate this guy.
629
00:25:32,773 --> 00:25:35,404
FRED: Parker Wembley, the guy
who buys and sells newspapers
630
00:25:35,406 --> 00:25:37,506
and thinks that hurricanes
are caused by gay marriage?
631
00:25:37,508 --> 00:25:38,572
You know him?
632
00:25:38,574 --> 00:25:39,771
He's coming over here.
633
00:25:39,773 --> 00:25:41,539
- Is he behind me?
- Yeah.
634
00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:45,137
- Finally. Secretary Field.
- Parker, how are you?
635
00:25:45,139 --> 00:25:47,304
You are looking
particularly gorgeous tonight.
636
00:25:47,306 --> 00:25:48,606
Thank you.
637
00:25:48,608 --> 00:25:50,771
I... I've been trying
to set a meeting with you
638
00:25:50,773 --> 00:25:53,372
for some months now,
and, uh...
639
00:25:53,374 --> 00:25:55,137
I mean, have you been
avoiding me?
640
00:25:55,139 --> 00:25:58,137
No! No.
641
00:25:58,139 --> 00:26:00,273
- Not successfully.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
642
00:26:01,740 --> 00:26:04,304
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
Who's your friend?
643
00:26:04,306 --> 00:26:06,171
- Fred.
- Hey, Fred!
644
00:26:06,173 --> 00:26:07,238
- Yes, hi.
- How are you?
645
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,204
And, uh, what is it
that you do?
646
00:26:09,206 --> 00:26:11,238
I'm a journalist,
actually. Yeah.
647
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,071
- Ooh, a journalist.
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
648
00:26:13,073 --> 00:26:15,472
Will I have read
anything that you've written?
649
00:26:15,474 --> 00:26:18,272
Probably not recently 'cause
I'm unemployed at the moment.
650
00:26:18,274 --> 00:26:20,171
Oh, I am so sorry
to hear that.
651
00:26:20,173 --> 00:26:21,439
Not your fault.
652
00:26:21,441 --> 00:26:23,372
Excuse me, Secretary Field,
we need a word.
653
00:26:23,374 --> 00:26:25,439
- Oh, okay.
- So we will have that meeting.
654
00:26:25,441 --> 00:26:26,506
- Right?
- Yes.
655
00:26:26,508 --> 00:26:28,239
Okay, good. Fred.
656
00:26:28,241 --> 00:26:29,405
- Yes?
- Best of luck.
657
00:26:29,407 --> 00:26:30,472
Oh, why, thanks.
658
00:26:30,474 --> 00:26:31,539
Things will turn around
for you.
659
00:26:31,541 --> 00:26:32,439
So nice of you.
660
00:26:32,441 --> 00:26:34,241
Darkest before the dawn
and all that.
661
00:26:35,773 --> 00:26:38,239
- I actually... I do have to...
- Yeah.
662
00:26:38,241 --> 00:26:39,605
You probably have a lot
of things to do.
663
00:26:39,607 --> 00:26:40,671
Better than this.
664
00:26:40,673 --> 00:26:41,805
It's really nice
to see you again.
665
00:26:41,807 --> 00:26:45,339
- Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great.
- (LAUGHS)
666
00:26:45,341 --> 00:26:48,372
Oh, you're backless.
Wasn't expecting that.
667
00:26:48,374 --> 00:26:50,239
- Have fun at the party.
- You too.
668
00:26:50,241 --> 00:26:51,374
Great to see you.
669
00:26:54,441 --> 00:26:57,405
I see you. I see you. Yeah.
670
00:26:57,407 --> 00:26:59,838
(LAUGHING)
671
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,274
PARKER: So I said,
"You want..."
672
00:27:03,773 --> 00:27:05,172
Hey. Hey.
What's that look in your eye?
673
00:27:05,174 --> 00:27:06,239
What are you
about to go do?
674
00:27:06,241 --> 00:27:08,072
Tonight is
about the animals, dude.
675
00:27:08,074 --> 00:27:10,072
Fuck the animals!
They're fucking gone, man.
676
00:27:10,074 --> 00:27:11,771
Too late
for the fucking animals.
677
00:27:11,773 --> 00:27:13,605
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
678
00:27:13,607 --> 00:27:15,272
Hey!
679
00:27:15,274 --> 00:27:16,771
- PARKER: Oh, Fred?
- Yeah, look.
680
00:27:16,773 --> 00:27:19,105
- What's the problem?
- I'll tell you the problem.
681
00:27:19,107 --> 00:27:20,638
- What?
- You're the problem, man!
682
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,205
You're everything that's wrong
with this fucking country.
683
00:27:23,207 --> 00:27:26,439
'Cause you're an old,
rich, white piece of shit
684
00:27:26,441 --> 00:27:29,172
and your media conglomerate
is ruining this planet!
685
00:27:29,174 --> 00:27:31,105
- Enough.
- I'm done anyway.
686
00:27:31,107 --> 00:27:32,771
I had more time with you
than I thought I would,
687
00:27:32,773 --> 00:27:34,405
so joke's on you.
Excuse me, thank you.
688
00:27:34,407 --> 00:27:36,072
Whoa, shit! (YELLING)
689
00:27:36,074 --> 00:27:37,205
(GRUNTS)
690
00:27:37,207 --> 00:27:38,506
(CROWD GASPS)
691
00:27:38,508 --> 00:27:39,739
God!
692
00:27:39,741 --> 00:27:41,272
(FRED GRUNTS)
693
00:27:41,274 --> 00:27:42,439
Cracker down!
694
00:27:42,441 --> 00:27:43,839
Oh, my God.
695
00:27:43,841 --> 00:27:45,174
GUEST: Looks like it hurt.
696
00:27:45,808 --> 00:27:47,671
Boyz II Men, back up.
697
00:27:47,673 --> 00:27:49,138
You all right? You good?
698
00:27:49,140 --> 00:27:50,305
- You all right?
- I'm okay!
699
00:27:50,307 --> 00:27:51,372
He's okay!
700
00:27:51,374 --> 00:27:52,508
How is he standing?
701
00:27:54,341 --> 00:27:56,341
(HIP-HIP SONG PLAYING)
702
00:27:57,641 --> 00:27:59,105
(SONG PLAYING ON PHONE)
703
00:27:59,107 --> 00:28:01,207
- ALL: Oh!
- Ouch!
704
00:28:03,241 --> 00:28:07,072
♪ Oh, no
That's the Ruff Ryder...
705
00:28:07,074 --> 00:28:08,138
This is so creative.
706
00:28:08,140 --> 00:28:10,074
(ALL LAUGH)
707
00:28:10,474 --> 00:28:11,706
Ha-ha!
708
00:28:11,708 --> 00:28:13,274
- CHARLOTTE: What was that?
- Thank you, Tom.
709
00:28:13,774 --> 00:28:16,105
God, that was crazy.
710
00:28:16,107 --> 00:28:17,472
I mean,
now that we know he's okay,
711
00:28:17,474 --> 00:28:20,138
it was all so hilarious.
712
00:28:20,140 --> 00:28:22,739
And so what is
the relationship exactly?
713
00:28:22,741 --> 00:28:24,372
- Was he your super?
- No,
714
00:28:24,374 --> 00:28:26,305
we grew up
next door to each other.
715
00:28:26,307 --> 00:28:27,572
- (MAGGIE GASPS)
- Yeah.
716
00:28:27,574 --> 00:28:30,440
(CHUCKLES) Fuck,
I used to babysit for him.
717
00:28:30,442 --> 00:28:32,672
- You babysat for him?
- I did.
718
00:28:32,674 --> 00:28:35,339
Wow. Time has not been kind.
719
00:28:35,341 --> 00:28:36,339
He was
such a strange little kid.
720
00:28:36,341 --> 00:28:39,539
But he was really funny.
And he was super smart.
721
00:28:39,541 --> 00:28:41,606
He did have this chip
on his shoulder, though.
722
00:28:41,608 --> 00:28:43,639
He's actually
not a bad writer.
723
00:28:43,641 --> 00:28:45,072
Wait, you've read
his stuff?
724
00:28:45,074 --> 00:28:46,272
Yeah, Brooklyn Advocate.
725
00:28:46,274 --> 00:28:48,572
Oh, God, of course,
you read that, Tom.
726
00:28:48,574 --> 00:28:50,340
Didn't that paper
just get sold off?
727
00:28:50,342 --> 00:28:51,706
Wembley Media
just bought them.
728
00:28:51,708 --> 00:28:54,272
Oh, that makes total sense.
729
00:28:54,274 --> 00:28:56,472
That's why he was
such a dick to Wembley.
730
00:28:56,474 --> 00:29:00,474
So the rest of the schedule
for the day is pretty packed.
731
00:29:04,474 --> 00:29:06,074
(CHUCKLING)
732
00:29:09,275 --> 00:29:10,772
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
733
00:29:10,774 --> 00:29:12,105
- Hi.
- Hey.
734
00:29:12,107 --> 00:29:14,806
Did you like
any of those writing samples?
735
00:29:14,808 --> 00:29:17,672
Yeah, McKenzie is good.
Bess is solid.
736
00:29:17,674 --> 00:29:22,206
And, um,
Fred's stuff isn't too bad.
737
00:29:22,208 --> 00:29:24,173
Wait, not the...
738
00:29:24,175 --> 00:29:26,639
The homeless person
that fell down the stairs?
739
00:29:26,641 --> 00:29:29,240
Yeah. He has a real voice.
740
00:29:29,242 --> 00:29:31,839
And he knows me.
I mean, he knew me.
741
00:29:31,841 --> 00:29:33,506
And that's probably
a good thing
742
00:29:33,508 --> 00:29:36,406
if he's going to be
writing for me.
743
00:29:36,408 --> 00:29:38,439
Bringing someone like that
onto the team,
744
00:29:38,441 --> 00:29:41,139
I have to say,
feels a little reckless.
745
00:29:41,141 --> 00:29:44,606
His writing is really good.
And it's funny.
746
00:29:44,608 --> 00:29:46,639
I think he can get that
number up by a few points.
747
00:29:46,641 --> 00:29:48,342
And if he doesn't,
we fire him.
748
00:29:49,208 --> 00:29:50,273
Okay.
749
00:29:50,275 --> 00:29:51,275
Okay.
750
00:29:51,808 --> 00:29:53,275
Fred Flarsky it is.
751
00:29:53,708 --> 00:29:55,075
Thanks.
752
00:29:57,175 --> 00:29:59,175
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
753
00:30:00,242 --> 00:30:01,242
All right, bye.
754
00:30:02,741 --> 00:30:04,541
- (PHONE RINGING)
- (MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY)
755
00:30:05,541 --> 00:30:06,774
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
756
00:30:07,674 --> 00:30:09,306
Unknown!
757
00:30:09,308 --> 00:30:11,106
I don't give a fuck.
Answer that shit.
758
00:30:11,108 --> 00:30:12,472
- What?
- Answer it!
759
00:30:12,474 --> 00:30:14,106
What if it's The Man
trying to get at me?
760
00:30:14,108 --> 00:30:15,807
No, it's the universe
trying to talk to you.
761
00:30:15,809 --> 00:30:17,073
Really?
762
00:30:17,075 --> 00:30:18,539
- Gang.
- Gang.
763
00:30:18,541 --> 00:30:20,306
Do that shit, man.
Fred, don't fuck with me.
764
00:30:20,308 --> 00:30:21,840
All right. Hello. Gang.
765
00:30:21,842 --> 00:30:23,672
- Mr. Flarsky?
- What?
766
00:30:23,674 --> 00:30:25,206
Wait, slow down. What?
767
00:30:25,208 --> 00:30:27,106
- You're unknown. Pardon?
- Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky.
768
00:30:27,108 --> 00:30:29,206
- Hello?
- Go on.
769
00:30:29,208 --> 00:30:32,807
This is Maggie Millikin
from Secretary Field's office.
770
00:30:32,809 --> 00:30:35,106
Hello, Maggie,
who works for Secretary Field.
771
00:30:35,108 --> 00:30:36,773
- Whoo!
- Hello?
772
00:30:36,775 --> 00:30:38,073
(WHISPERS) That's good!
Talk to her.
773
00:30:38,075 --> 00:30:40,740
- Hello?
- How can I help you?
774
00:30:40,742 --> 00:30:42,707
The secretary would like
to meet with you immediately.
775
00:30:42,709 --> 00:30:44,073
We will send a car over.
776
00:30:44,075 --> 00:30:45,773
Can you give me
the most convenient address?
777
00:30:45,775 --> 00:30:47,607
- What is she saying?
- Secretary would like
778
00:30:47,609 --> 00:30:48,707
to meet with me immediately
779
00:30:48,709 --> 00:30:49,742
and they're going
to send a car?
780
00:30:52,141 --> 00:30:54,807
Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn.
781
00:30:54,809 --> 00:30:57,240
- I'm sure you can find it.
- I will google it.
782
00:30:57,242 --> 00:30:59,273
Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn.
Stay right there.
783
00:30:59,275 --> 00:31:00,340
Okay.
784
00:31:00,342 --> 00:31:02,506
Uh, I'll see you soon.
785
00:31:02,508 --> 00:31:04,775
(GROANING) Oh,
I feel so scared.
786
00:31:05,575 --> 00:31:06,707
Do I look okay?
787
00:31:06,709 --> 00:31:08,173
Do I look funny?
788
00:31:08,175 --> 00:31:09,405
- Why are these pockets here?
- LANCE: It's okay.
789
00:31:09,407 --> 00:31:10,673
God fucking damn it!
790
00:31:10,675 --> 00:31:12,540
Why am I wearing
these fucking stupid pants?
791
00:31:12,542 --> 00:31:13,773
They're too tapered!
792
00:31:13,775 --> 00:31:16,206
Who wears these silly-looking,
fucking tapered cargo pants
793
00:31:16,208 --> 00:31:18,339
and see the fucking
secretary of state?
794
00:31:18,341 --> 00:31:19,840
You can't think like this.
You have to be positive.
795
00:31:19,842 --> 00:31:21,339
- Mr. Flarsky?
- FRED: Oh, shit.
796
00:31:21,341 --> 00:31:22,475
Mr. Flarsky.
797
00:31:25,075 --> 00:31:26,173
Wish me luck, man.
798
00:31:26,175 --> 00:31:27,707
Yeah, you don't need luck, man.
She said it was okay.
799
00:31:27,709 --> 00:31:28,773
Luck is for losers.
800
00:31:28,775 --> 00:31:30,773
You've got destiny
on your side.
801
00:31:30,775 --> 00:31:33,573
You're good. Fred.
802
00:31:33,575 --> 00:31:35,108
You buy the body.
803
00:31:35,742 --> 00:31:37,008
That doesn't mean anything.
804
00:31:37,642 --> 00:31:39,440
(ENGINE STARTS)
805
00:31:39,442 --> 00:31:41,106
LANCE: Fred, put your
seat belt on.
806
00:31:41,108 --> 00:31:43,575
Take care of my friend.
All right?
807
00:31:44,642 --> 00:31:46,840
- I look normal?
- You look cool.
808
00:31:46,842 --> 00:31:48,242
I love you, Fred!
809
00:31:48,809 --> 00:31:50,675
Nut boys for life!
810
00:32:06,742 --> 00:32:09,707
Empty your pockets
and take off your backpack.
811
00:32:09,709 --> 00:32:11,075
Empty my pockets?
812
00:32:13,209 --> 00:32:14,609
All right. That's...
813
00:32:15,709 --> 00:32:17,142
Let's see how this goes.
814
00:32:20,243 --> 00:32:22,273
Not a regular cop, I assume.
815
00:32:22,275 --> 00:32:25,640
Got bigger fish to fry than
just normal cop shit, right?
816
00:32:25,642 --> 00:32:27,675
So, uh, okay. Let's do it.
817
00:32:28,275 --> 00:32:29,440
(EXHALES)
818
00:32:29,442 --> 00:32:33,174
That's prescription.
For anxiety. Uh...
819
00:32:33,176 --> 00:32:36,740
This is if you can't dance for
a long time and you want to.
820
00:32:36,742 --> 00:32:39,406
That's prescription as well,
for, uh, lack of energy.
821
00:32:39,408 --> 00:32:40,673
That's energy powder.
822
00:32:40,675 --> 00:32:44,275
These are to wrap
the anxiety medication in
823
00:32:45,142 --> 00:32:48,207
when inhaling it medicinally.
824
00:32:48,209 --> 00:32:50,673
That's if you want to vaporize
the anxiety medicine,
825
00:32:50,675 --> 00:32:52,342
which I have
a prescription for.
826
00:32:53,342 --> 00:32:54,675
And that's a blunt.
827
00:32:57,109 --> 00:32:59,109
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
828
00:33:00,709 --> 00:33:02,042
Ooh.
829
00:33:03,709 --> 00:33:04,709
Hi.
830
00:33:08,742 --> 00:33:10,440
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
831
00:33:10,442 --> 00:33:11,509
MAGGIE: Wow.
832
00:33:13,675 --> 00:33:15,140
Will you sign this, please?
833
00:33:15,142 --> 00:33:17,340
- What is it?
- It's an NDA.
834
00:33:17,342 --> 00:33:18,406
A non-disclosure agreement?
835
00:33:18,408 --> 00:33:20,708
- That's right.
- Okay.
836
00:33:20,710 --> 00:33:22,373
- (WHISPERS) Oh, my God.
- CHARLOTTE: Fred.
837
00:33:22,375 --> 00:33:24,174
- Yeah.
- Hey, nice to see you again.
838
00:33:24,176 --> 00:33:25,507
- Hi, you too.
- Come on in.
839
00:33:25,509 --> 00:33:26,507
Take a seat.
840
00:33:26,509 --> 00:33:28,708
Good to see you were
not injured from that fall.
841
00:33:28,710 --> 00:33:30,540
Oh, yeah, you know what?
842
00:33:30,542 --> 00:33:32,140
I actually think
the brim of my hat
843
00:33:32,142 --> 00:33:33,708
kind of protected
my face ultimately.
844
00:33:33,710 --> 00:33:36,107
So, thank God I was
underdressed in the end, right?
845
00:33:36,109 --> 00:33:38,074
Well, as long as you're good.
846
00:33:38,076 --> 00:33:39,473
- I'm okay.
- Yeah. Great.
847
00:33:39,475 --> 00:33:40,542
FRED: Uh...
848
00:33:42,342 --> 00:33:42,943
Why am I here?
849
00:33:42,945 --> 00:33:43,334
What I'm about to
share with you
850
00:33:43,336 --> 00:33:43,732
is, obviously,
highly confidential.
851
00:33:43,734 --> 00:33:44,758
Oh, yeah.
852
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:46,192
Keep it
on the down low.
853
00:33:47,693 --> 00:33:50,358
President Chambers will not
be seeking reelection.
854
00:33:50,660 --> 00:33:51,724
Really?
855
00:33:51,726 --> 00:33:53,390
(SOFTLY) Yes.
856
00:33:53,392 --> 00:33:57,390
That's fucking sick!
That's awesome.
857
00:33:57,392 --> 00:34:00,490
Are you telling each American
individually the good news?
858
00:34:00,492 --> 00:34:01,556
I mean, but seriously.
859
00:34:01,558 --> 00:34:02,724
Did he just realize
he sucks at it
860
00:34:02,726 --> 00:34:04,456
and decide
not to do it anymore?
861
00:34:04,458 --> 00:34:08,390
He just wants to move
into film and make movies.
862
00:34:08,392 --> 00:34:09,858
- Really?
- Yeah.
863
00:34:09,860 --> 00:34:11,758
That's cool. That's a tough
transition to make.
864
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:14,591
Not many actors have made
the leap from TV to film.
865
00:34:14,593 --> 00:34:16,323
You got George Clooney,
you got Woody Harrelson...
866
00:34:16,325 --> 00:34:17,390
Jennifer Aniston.
867
00:34:17,392 --> 00:34:18,991
Mmm, did she though?
868
00:34:18,993 --> 00:34:20,691
You don't think Jennifer
Aniston's a movie star?
869
00:34:20,693 --> 00:34:21,758
Just 'cause
you star in movies
870
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:22,824
doesn't mean
you're a movie star.
871
00:34:22,826 --> 00:34:24,958
The point is...
872
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:27,760
He's going to endorse me
for president in 2020.
873
00:34:28,259 --> 00:34:29,323
Wow.
874
00:34:29,325 --> 00:34:30,658
- I know.
- Mazel tov.
875
00:34:30,660 --> 00:34:31,791
(CHUCKLES) So.
876
00:34:31,793 --> 00:34:33,858
We're headed to
an environmental summit
877
00:34:33,860 --> 00:34:35,289
hosted by King Gustav
878
00:34:35,291 --> 00:34:36,924
and the Swedish Royal Family.
879
00:34:36,926 --> 00:34:39,224
At the summit,
I'll be announcing
880
00:34:39,226 --> 00:34:41,323
that the world's
three largest polluters
881
00:34:41,325 --> 00:34:42,691
have signed on
to the most comprehensive
882
00:34:42,693 --> 00:34:44,691
and exciting
environmental deal ever.
883
00:34:44,693 --> 00:34:45,958
You know,
after I have some dairy,
884
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:47,824
I'm one of the world's
three largest polluters.
885
00:34:47,826 --> 00:34:48,991
Excuse me?
886
00:34:48,993 --> 00:34:51,391
We'll address
rising sea levels,
887
00:34:51,393 --> 00:34:52,991
combat deforestation
888
00:34:52,993 --> 00:34:55,324
and protect
the world's pollinators.
889
00:34:55,326 --> 00:34:58,424
I'm calling it the Global
Rehabilitation Initiative.
890
00:34:58,426 --> 00:34:59,691
Internally,
we're referring to it
891
00:34:59,693 --> 00:35:00,991
as "Bees, Trees and the Seas."
892
00:35:00,993 --> 00:35:02,524
CHARLOTTE: Soon after that,
893
00:35:02,526 --> 00:35:04,858
I hope to announce that
100 countries have signed on.
894
00:35:04,860 --> 00:35:07,357
- Wow.
- At which point...
895
00:35:07,359 --> 00:35:09,724
I will resign
as secretary of state.
896
00:35:09,726 --> 00:35:12,724
Using this initiative
as a springboard,
897
00:35:12,726 --> 00:35:14,924
I will announce
my presidential run in 2020.
898
00:35:14,926 --> 00:35:16,526
- Cool.
- So...
899
00:35:18,426 --> 00:35:20,991
I need some writers
to punch up my speeches.
900
00:35:20,993 --> 00:35:23,324
I read your work
and I really like it.
901
00:35:23,326 --> 00:35:24,524
That's... Wow.
902
00:35:24,526 --> 00:35:26,224
You mentioned
you were between jobs.
903
00:35:26,226 --> 00:35:27,191
So it's a really good fit.
904
00:35:27,193 --> 00:35:29,758
It's so nice of you
to think of me at all,
905
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:32,257
honestly, with everything
going on in your head.
906
00:35:32,259 --> 00:35:33,557
I look forward
to working with you.
907
00:35:33,559 --> 00:35:34,559
Thank you.
908
00:35:36,693 --> 00:35:39,559
Um... So, uh,
when do you need to know by?
909
00:35:40,826 --> 00:35:42,958
(CHUCKLING) What?
I don't understand.
910
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:44,992
When do you need to know if
I'm going to take your, uh,
911
00:35:44,994 --> 00:35:46,559
your punch-up job?
912
00:35:47,961 --> 00:35:49,424
Right now.
913
00:35:49,426 --> 00:35:51,992
Oh. Uh...
Then I guess,
914
00:35:51,994 --> 00:35:54,691
maybe... Maybe, uh, no?
915
00:35:54,693 --> 00:35:56,959
Maybe no, I don't know.
I don't know!
916
00:35:56,961 --> 00:35:58,059
You know what,
Madam Secretary,
917
00:35:58,061 --> 00:35:59,992
he's not interested.
We tried, it didn't work out.
918
00:35:59,994 --> 00:36:02,760
So I can give you
some writing samples...
919
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:09,758
What don't you know?
920
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:12,290
This whole Seas, Bees
and Trees thing.
921
00:36:12,292 --> 00:36:13,925
Is it actually
going to do something?
922
00:36:13,927 --> 00:36:15,591
Or is it going to be
one of those things
923
00:36:15,593 --> 00:36:17,624
that maybe only sounds like
it's gonna do something,
924
00:36:17,626 --> 00:36:19,357
but doesn't
actually do something?
925
00:36:19,359 --> 00:36:21,892
I only wanna come work for you
926
00:36:21,894 --> 00:36:23,457
if it's actually
gonna do something.
927
00:36:23,459 --> 00:36:24,759
It will do something.
928
00:36:24,761 --> 00:36:26,624
This is a perfect document.
929
00:36:26,626 --> 00:36:28,925
They all start out that way
and then they get watered down.
930
00:36:28,927 --> 00:36:29,859
Fred.
931
00:36:29,861 --> 00:36:32,324
Not only does this
initiative sound good,
932
00:36:32,326 --> 00:36:33,190
it's going to do good.
933
00:36:33,192 --> 00:36:35,557
It's gonna save
the fucking planet.
934
00:36:35,559 --> 00:36:37,725
Not to mention,
pay your rent.
935
00:36:37,727 --> 00:36:38,992
So, are you in?
936
00:36:38,994 --> 00:36:41,627
Or do you have something
more important to do?
937
00:36:42,627 --> 00:36:44,292
Than save the planet with you?
938
00:36:45,994 --> 00:36:48,625
No, I don't. (CHUCKLES)
I'm in.
939
00:36:48,627 --> 00:36:50,457
Phew! (CHUCKLES)
940
00:36:50,459 --> 00:36:51,727
Let's save the planet.
941
00:36:52,393 --> 00:36:53,357
That was...
942
00:36:53,359 --> 00:36:55,459
What just happened?
She's good. (LAUGHS)
943
00:37:19,927 --> 00:37:20,992
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
944
00:37:20,994 --> 00:37:21,961
FRED: Uh, hey.
945
00:37:23,894 --> 00:37:25,892
I had some jokes, uh,
I was gonna run by you,
946
00:37:25,894 --> 00:37:27,326
maybe, if you have a second.
947
00:37:30,627 --> 00:37:33,226
What are you...
What are you looking at?
948
00:37:36,427 --> 00:37:37,625
- (GASPS)
- (YELPS)
949
00:37:37,627 --> 00:37:38,692
- Jesus!
- Oh, my God!
950
00:37:38,694 --> 00:37:40,925
Why would you just barge
in here while I'm sleeping?
951
00:37:40,927 --> 00:37:42,458
- You were sleeping?
- Yes!
952
00:37:42,460 --> 00:37:44,224
I was micro napping.
953
00:37:44,226 --> 00:37:45,992
- That's what you call that?
- Yes.
954
00:37:45,994 --> 00:37:47,659
Sorry, I didn't realize
you were sleeping.
955
00:37:47,661 --> 00:37:49,225
You were standing
and your eyes were open.
956
00:37:49,227 --> 00:37:50,291
Do you need something?
957
00:37:50,293 --> 00:37:51,392
I have some jokes
that I wrote
958
00:37:51,394 --> 00:37:53,392
that I was gonna run by you
if you have a second.
959
00:37:53,394 --> 00:37:54,859
Yeah, that was actually
a really good nap.
960
00:37:54,861 --> 00:37:56,892
Great. Seemed very restful.
961
00:37:56,894 --> 00:37:57,894
(SIGHS) Okay.
962
00:38:00,794 --> 00:38:01,725
Whoa.
963
00:38:01,727 --> 00:38:05,325
I feel like these jokes
are a little angry.
964
00:38:05,327 --> 00:38:07,625
Oh. I thought maybe
they were, like, emphatic?
965
00:38:07,627 --> 00:38:09,525
"With every
fracking drill thrust,
966
00:38:09,527 --> 00:38:12,358
"we are literally
butt-fucking Mother Earth"?
967
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:13,525
It can be normal fucking.
968
00:38:13,527 --> 00:38:14,892
It doesn't have to be
in the butt.
969
00:38:14,894 --> 00:38:15,959
I can take that part out.
970
00:38:15,961 --> 00:38:17,525
Yeah, listen, Fred.
971
00:38:17,527 --> 00:38:18,925
If I'm angry,
I'm hysterical.
972
00:38:18,927 --> 00:38:20,525
If I'm emotional,
I'm weak.
973
00:38:20,527 --> 00:38:22,258
If I so much as
raise my voice, I'm a bitch.
974
00:38:22,260 --> 00:38:23,525
My job's hard.
975
00:38:23,527 --> 00:38:25,492
Not as hard as mine.
976
00:38:25,494 --> 00:38:27,291
I think maybe, like,
part of the problem
977
00:38:27,293 --> 00:38:29,558
is that, like, a lot of humor
is based on,
978
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:31,692
like, personal experiences.
979
00:38:31,694 --> 00:38:32,592
I was thinking, you know,
980
00:38:32,594 --> 00:38:34,558
you cared a lot
about the environment
981
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:35,725
- since high school.
- Mmm-hmm.
982
00:38:35,727 --> 00:38:39,458
So maybe include
some stories about that.
983
00:38:39,460 --> 00:38:40,827
- High school?
- Yeah.
984
00:38:42,394 --> 00:38:43,659
You think that's funny?
985
00:38:43,661 --> 00:38:44,759
I think it's a good area.
986
00:38:44,761 --> 00:38:46,825
Nostalgia,
pop culture references.
987
00:38:46,827 --> 00:38:47,926
People love that.
988
00:38:47,928 --> 00:38:49,759
Jimmy Fallon's made
an entire career off of that.
989
00:38:49,761 --> 00:38:51,926
When I think about school,
I just think about studying.
990
00:38:51,928 --> 00:38:53,525
No, you did
so much more than that.
991
00:38:53,527 --> 00:38:56,225
I think your whole 1991
platform was pretty on-point
992
00:38:56,227 --> 00:38:57,558
when you were running
for Student Council.
993
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:00,392
I remember you said,
"Everyone at this school
994
00:39:00,394 --> 00:39:02,592
"pretends to care
about the underdog,
995
00:39:02,594 --> 00:39:03,760
"but the planet Earth is
996
00:39:03,762 --> 00:39:04,960
"the biggest underdog
of them all."
997
00:39:04,962 --> 00:39:06,258
Something like that.
998
00:39:06,260 --> 00:39:07,358
I said that?
999
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:08,760
Yeah, you did say that.
1000
00:39:08,762 --> 00:39:10,659
You were in the kitchen,
making pizza.
1001
00:39:10,661 --> 00:39:13,458
We were making signs
for your election.
1002
00:39:13,460 --> 00:39:15,693
And you were
wearing that shirt.
1003
00:39:15,695 --> 00:39:17,659
I don't know if it was
a strawberry or a flower,
1004
00:39:17,661 --> 00:39:18,895
it always confused me.
1005
00:39:19,427 --> 00:39:20,492
It was both.
1006
00:39:20,494 --> 00:39:22,425
Oh, there you go.
1007
00:39:22,427 --> 00:39:24,258
That's all I remember
about that night, though.
1008
00:39:24,260 --> 00:39:25,793
Uh, that's where my memories
1009
00:39:25,795 --> 00:39:29,291
concerning that evening
expire.
1010
00:39:29,293 --> 00:39:31,760
I learned a lot
from that election.
1011
00:39:31,762 --> 00:39:33,325
Yeah, that kids are
probably more likely
1012
00:39:33,327 --> 00:39:34,726
to vote for two proms
1013
00:39:34,728 --> 00:39:37,225
than a very elaborate
recycling program.
1014
00:39:37,227 --> 00:39:38,826
- (CHUCKLES)
- Not only kids.
1015
00:39:38,828 --> 00:39:41,760
Yeah, that's true.
1016
00:39:41,762 --> 00:39:45,593
Did you know he asked me out
to one of those proms?
1017
00:39:45,595 --> 00:39:46,760
- Bill Sterling?
- Yeah.
1018
00:39:46,762 --> 00:39:47,926
After he beat you?
1019
00:39:47,928 --> 00:39:50,260
- Yup.
- Prom one or prom two?
1020
00:39:51,595 --> 00:39:52,593
Oh!
1021
00:39:52,595 --> 00:39:55,425
What a fuckhead!
You're way better than prom two.
1022
00:39:55,427 --> 00:39:56,526
(SIGHS AND LAUGHS)
1023
00:39:56,528 --> 00:39:59,225
I went to zero proms,
by the way, for the record.
1024
00:39:59,227 --> 00:40:01,325
I think you're the smart one
in this situation.
1025
00:40:01,327 --> 00:40:03,426
Yes, that's why
I didn't go to prom.
1026
00:40:03,428 --> 00:40:06,662
'Cause I was too smart. Uh...
1027
00:40:08,795 --> 00:40:11,726
Cool. I'll get to work on
that speech stuff.
1028
00:40:11,728 --> 00:40:12,728
Great.
1029
00:40:13,260 --> 00:40:14,325
Hey, Fred.
1030
00:40:14,327 --> 00:40:16,291
Yeah.
1031
00:40:16,293 --> 00:40:18,593
You know, if you want to try
some non-joke stuff,
1032
00:40:18,595 --> 00:40:19,526
just go ahead.
1033
00:40:19,528 --> 00:40:22,526
Really? Like the main part
of the speech?
1034
00:40:22,528 --> 00:40:24,561
Yeah. Just write.
1035
00:40:25,762 --> 00:40:27,428
Cool. Awesome. Thanks.
1036
00:40:27,994 --> 00:40:29,158
If you take another nap,
1037
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,559
you should put on, like,
a bicycle helmet or something.
1038
00:40:31,561 --> 00:40:33,459
'Cause you're gonna tip over,
there's turbulence.
1039
00:40:33,461 --> 00:40:35,226
That's actually
a really good idea.
1040
00:40:35,228 --> 00:40:36,359
It is. I want you
to be careful.
1041
00:40:36,361 --> 00:40:37,493
- Yeah.
- We need you.
1042
00:40:37,495 --> 00:40:38,595
(CHUCKLES)
1043
00:40:40,428 --> 00:40:42,428
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (BAND PLAYING)
1044
00:40:43,994 --> 00:40:46,194
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
1045
00:40:53,828 --> 00:40:55,393
- Ambassador.
- Welcome to Sweden.
1046
00:40:55,395 --> 00:40:56,693
Nice to see you again.
1047
00:40:56,695 --> 00:40:57,695
Yeah, you too.
1048
00:40:59,828 --> 00:41:01,393
I look forward to seeing you
tonight at dinner.
1049
00:41:01,395 --> 00:41:02,493
Yes.
1050
00:41:02,495 --> 00:41:03,860
Uh, Madam Secretary,
1051
00:41:03,862 --> 00:41:05,226
I have some ideas
I wanna throw by you.
1052
00:41:05,228 --> 00:41:06,426
Yeah, soon, Fred.
1053
00:41:06,428 --> 00:41:07,660
Tom, do you have the schedule?
1054
00:41:07,662 --> 00:41:09,361
- TOM: Yes, of course, ma'am.
- (SIGHS) All right.
1055
00:41:12,428 --> 00:41:13,628
MAGGIE: In the back, Flarsky!
1056
00:41:15,294 --> 00:41:16,693
TOM: Then at 8:15, you have
a fitting for tonight's gala.
1057
00:41:16,695 --> 00:41:19,626
Then at 8:45, a call with
Iraqi Prime Minister Masum,
1058
00:41:19,628 --> 00:41:21,693
9:15, a call
to Brazilian President Temer
1059
00:41:21,695 --> 00:41:22,860
about deforestation issues.
1060
00:41:22,862 --> 00:41:26,259
2:15, you have a call with
U.K. Foreign Secretary Green
1061
00:41:26,261 --> 00:41:28,459
to discuss your tour
of Scotland in a few weeks.
1062
00:41:28,461 --> 00:41:30,626
2:25, then you have
a call with New York Times
1063
00:41:30,628 --> 00:41:32,859
to comment on POTUS'
latest Instagram attack
1064
00:41:32,861 --> 00:41:35,226
on Prime Minister Bharath
of Kashtar.
1065
00:41:35,228 --> 00:41:36,292
At 5:45,
we're meeting with the head
1066
00:41:36,294 --> 00:41:37,359
of Sweden's
Diplomatic Protocol,
1067
00:41:37,361 --> 00:41:40,292
Ingrid Minervudottir,
to discuss tonight's schedule.
1068
00:41:40,294 --> 00:41:41,593
Okay. And then after that?
1069
00:41:41,595 --> 00:41:42,893
Also, Parker Wembley
keeps trying to get
1070
00:41:42,895 --> 00:41:44,393
- some face time with you.
- Oh, God.
1071
00:41:44,395 --> 00:41:46,626
Parker can wait.
Okay, Fred. Go.
1072
00:41:46,628 --> 00:41:47,928
Yeah, sure. Um...
1073
00:41:48,595 --> 00:41:50,726
So, uh, you know,
1074
00:41:50,728 --> 00:41:52,559
based on what we were
talking about last night,
1075
00:41:52,561 --> 00:41:55,426
I just took a stab at
the whole speech, basically.
1076
00:41:55,428 --> 00:41:57,359
(CLICKS TONGUE)
That's good.
1077
00:41:57,361 --> 00:41:59,926
- Thank you.
- This part isn't.
1078
00:41:59,928 --> 00:42:02,493
Okay, well, you said you
didn't want to sound too angry.
1079
00:42:02,495 --> 00:42:04,926
I also don't want to sound
like I have a head injury.
1080
00:42:04,928 --> 00:42:06,626
Okay. Uh,
I'll go change it.
1081
00:42:06,628 --> 00:42:07,993
Great. Thanks.
1082
00:42:07,995 --> 00:42:10,226
Okay, here we go.
1083
00:42:10,228 --> 00:42:11,626
- (SIGHS)
- So...
1084
00:42:11,628 --> 00:42:13,228
All right.
1085
00:42:14,294 --> 00:42:15,393
Fred.
1086
00:42:15,395 --> 00:42:16,826
Yeah?
1087
00:42:16,828 --> 00:42:19,361
Do you have any grown-up
clothes to wear tonight?
1088
00:42:23,461 --> 00:42:24,459
I was gonna...
I was thinking
1089
00:42:24,461 --> 00:42:26,727
of zipping this up
all the way, like to here.
1090
00:42:26,729 --> 00:42:27,661
That's kind of
a little more...
1091
00:42:27,663 --> 00:42:29,292
It's, like,
slightly more buttoned up.
1092
00:42:29,294 --> 00:42:30,326
MAGGIE: You know what,
Madam Secretary,
1093
00:42:30,328 --> 00:42:34,359
I would be delighted
to dress Fred for tonight.
1094
00:42:34,361 --> 00:42:35,627
Thank you, Maggie.
I'd be thrilled
1095
00:42:35,629 --> 00:42:37,860
to have you dress me
for tonight's event.
1096
00:42:37,862 --> 00:42:38,960
What a fun adventure.
1097
00:42:38,962 --> 00:42:41,292
Get a little makeover.
All right, have a good one.
1098
00:42:41,294 --> 00:42:42,494
Thank you, Fred.
1099
00:42:42,496 --> 00:42:43,393
FRED: Why, thank you.
1100
00:42:43,395 --> 00:42:44,694
MAGGIE: ...and then
it's saying hello,
1101
00:42:44,696 --> 00:42:45,826
you'll sit down,
we'll have dinner,
1102
00:42:45,828 --> 00:42:47,226
- I'll pull you up...
- Where's Flarsky?
1103
00:42:47,228 --> 00:42:48,326
Why are we waiting?
1104
00:42:48,328 --> 00:42:49,926
What, is he doing his hair?
1105
00:42:49,928 --> 00:42:51,529
- (SIGHS)
- Um...
1106
00:42:51,928 --> 00:42:53,694
Oh.
1107
00:42:53,696 --> 00:42:56,328
- TOM: What the...
- (CHARLOTTE LAUGHING)
1108
00:43:00,496 --> 00:43:01,793
What the fuck
are you wearing?
1109
00:43:01,795 --> 00:43:03,826
She bought me
this shit. Okay?
1110
00:43:03,828 --> 00:43:05,627
It's a traditional
Swedish suit.
1111
00:43:05,629 --> 00:43:08,427
I don't see another
fucking Swede up in here
1112
00:43:08,429 --> 00:43:09,727
dressed like this.
1113
00:43:09,729 --> 00:43:11,926
It's all I could do
on such short notice.
1114
00:43:11,928 --> 00:43:14,594
You just take the jacket off,
it's going to make it better.
1115
00:43:14,596 --> 00:43:18,161
It's just... Make it look...
Oh, my God.
1116
00:43:20,762 --> 00:43:22,594
Better with
the jacket on? Great.
1117
00:43:22,596 --> 00:43:24,594
Razzing the new guy, I get it.
Fuck you, Maggie.
1118
00:43:24,596 --> 00:43:25,727
Calm the Smurf down.
1119
00:43:25,729 --> 00:43:26,795
Bring a fucking suit
next time.
1120
00:43:31,562 --> 00:43:32,793
(CLEARS THROAT)
1121
00:43:32,795 --> 00:43:33,860
Do you like the speech?
1122
00:43:33,862 --> 00:43:35,027
Yes, the speech is good.
1123
00:43:35,029 --> 00:43:37,527
Oh, you're going to have to
stay way back there, Fred.
1124
00:43:37,529 --> 00:43:39,293
Just stay back, Flarsky.
Okay? She's got to focus.
1125
00:43:39,295 --> 00:43:40,360
On what?
1126
00:43:40,362 --> 00:43:41,560
Getting India and China
to agree
1127
00:43:41,562 --> 00:43:42,627
to be a part
of this initiative.
1128
00:43:42,629 --> 00:43:44,960
They haven't even agreed
to be a part of it yet?
1129
00:43:44,962 --> 00:43:47,394
They will, we just have to
sort out a few details.
1130
00:43:47,396 --> 00:43:48,494
We just wrote
a whole speech
1131
00:43:48,496 --> 00:43:49,661
about how
they're on-board already.
1132
00:43:49,663 --> 00:43:50,862
Don't worry, Fred.
1133
00:43:51,862 --> 00:43:53,627
You just stay here
and make sure
1134
00:43:53,629 --> 00:43:56,826
nobody from Candy Land
needs their car parked, okay?
1135
00:43:56,828 --> 00:43:58,227
I don't know
why you needed a writer.
1136
00:43:58,229 --> 00:43:59,394
Those are sick burns.
1137
00:43:59,396 --> 00:44:00,793
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1138
00:44:00,795 --> 00:44:03,293
CRIER: Secretary of State
Charlotte Field
1139
00:44:03,295 --> 00:44:05,329
of the United States
of America.
1140
00:44:07,696 --> 00:44:09,560
Your Majesty.
Your Highness.
1141
00:44:09,562 --> 00:44:10,895
- Your Highness.
- Pleasure.
1142
00:44:16,862 --> 00:44:18,329
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- Oh.
1143
00:44:20,562 --> 00:44:22,927
No, thank you.
I'm working right now.
1144
00:44:22,929 --> 00:44:24,562
And you know you are, too.
1145
00:44:25,963 --> 00:44:27,094
I do know that.
1146
00:44:27,096 --> 00:44:29,494
But you dressed me like
Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date,
1147
00:44:29,496 --> 00:44:31,794
so I'm going to drink
to make you uncomfortable.
1148
00:44:31,796 --> 00:44:34,496
Honestly, Fred, your entire
life makes me uncomfortable.
1149
00:44:35,829 --> 00:44:37,394
(MAN SPEAKING SWEDISH)
1150
00:44:37,396 --> 00:44:38,827
FRED: Oh no, fuck me.
1151
00:44:38,829 --> 00:44:41,327
(MAN SPEAKING SWEDISH)
1152
00:44:41,329 --> 00:44:42,961
- Yes.
- (CONTINUES IN SWEDISH)
1153
00:44:42,963 --> 00:44:46,560
We both shop in the same
mystical village, I see.
1154
00:44:46,562 --> 00:44:48,961
- (CONTINUES IN SWEDISH)
- Yes, you look great.
1155
00:44:48,963 --> 00:44:50,327
- Congratulations.
- Skal.
1156
00:44:50,329 --> 00:44:51,894
Skal. Skal to you, too.
1157
00:44:51,896 --> 00:44:54,796
- (SPEAKS SWEDISH)
- Yes. (SPEAKS SWEDISH)
1158
00:44:56,896 --> 00:44:57,896
Jesus.
1159
00:45:00,496 --> 00:45:03,494
Hey, we're making
a few revisions to the speech.
1160
00:45:03,496 --> 00:45:04,494
What?
1161
00:45:04,496 --> 00:45:06,661
So we're losing the "Seas" part,
so go cut that,
1162
00:45:06,663 --> 00:45:08,628
and then brainstorm
a couple of other funny lines
1163
00:45:08,630 --> 00:45:09,727
for the "Trees" section, okay?
1164
00:45:09,729 --> 00:45:10,961
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1165
00:45:10,963 --> 00:45:13,628
Losing the Seas part, why?
1166
00:45:13,630 --> 00:45:15,028
Because India wouldn't go
for it. So we had to pivot.
1167
00:45:15,030 --> 00:45:17,794
That's not a pivot,
that's a third of the whole fucking shit.
1168
00:45:17,796 --> 00:45:20,260
Are you kidding me?
That's it, it's just gone?
1169
00:45:20,262 --> 00:45:21,360
Yeah, it's gone.
1170
00:45:21,362 --> 00:45:22,327
And there's nothing
we can do?
1171
00:45:22,329 --> 00:45:23,427
No. And you don't
have to worry about it.
1172
00:45:23,429 --> 00:45:27,461
Just go over to the computer.
Start typey-typing.
1173
00:45:27,463 --> 00:45:28,463
Well, no.
1174
00:45:29,463 --> 00:45:30,961
I'm not gonna do that.
1175
00:45:30,963 --> 00:45:32,861
So you quit,
resignation accepted.
1176
00:45:32,863 --> 00:45:34,428
I will rewrite the speech.
1177
00:45:34,430 --> 00:45:35,528
Oh, the fuck you will!
1178
00:45:35,530 --> 00:45:36,629
What the fuck?
1179
00:45:37,729 --> 00:45:39,694
(ALL GASP)
1180
00:45:39,696 --> 00:45:41,629
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1181
00:45:46,430 --> 00:45:47,863
- MAGGIE: You don't...
- FRED: Let go!
1182
00:45:52,597 --> 00:45:53,896
(GUEST GASPING)
1183
00:45:55,929 --> 00:45:57,028
FRED: Look out. Excuse me!
1184
00:45:57,030 --> 00:45:58,727
MAGGIE: Stop running!
Stop running! Stop running!
1185
00:45:58,729 --> 00:45:59,827
Fred, stop running!
1186
00:45:59,829 --> 00:46:01,629
(GUEST MURMURING)
1187
00:46:02,497 --> 00:46:03,497
Fred...
1188
00:46:04,330 --> 00:46:05,463
(EXCLAIMS)
1189
00:46:08,563 --> 00:46:09,627
Why did you do that?
1190
00:46:09,629 --> 00:46:11,561
Because I will not
have you damage
1191
00:46:11,563 --> 00:46:12,894
the integrity of my writing!
1192
00:46:12,896 --> 00:46:14,894
The integrity of your writing?
1193
00:46:14,896 --> 00:46:17,428
You're a punch-up writer,
you're not Maya Angelou!
1194
00:46:17,430 --> 00:46:18,927
What is going on?
1195
00:46:18,929 --> 00:46:20,627
What's going on
with you, bruh?
1196
00:46:20,629 --> 00:46:21,661
Did you just
call me "bruh"?
1197
00:46:21,663 --> 00:46:24,428
- She's the secretary of state.
- Is he high?
1198
00:46:24,430 --> 00:46:26,627
MAGGIE: He is wasted,
but he's also just stupid.
1199
00:46:26,629 --> 00:46:28,296
Meet me in the conference
room, I'll handle this.
1200
00:46:30,996 --> 00:46:32,528
What's the deal, Fred?
1201
00:46:32,530 --> 00:46:35,328
What's the deal?
What's the deal? What are...
1202
00:46:35,330 --> 00:46:37,294
The only reason I'm here
is 'cause you told me
1203
00:46:37,296 --> 00:46:38,594
you cared about this shit,
1204
00:46:38,596 --> 00:46:40,861
and in the time I come
out here to have a smoke,
1205
00:46:40,863 --> 00:46:43,694
you fucking got rid of a massive
element of the whole thing.
1206
00:46:43,696 --> 00:46:46,995
I got two out of three.
I only lost one.
1207
00:46:46,997 --> 00:46:50,228
That one was the seas.
1208
00:46:50,230 --> 00:46:52,661
It covers 75% of the planet!
1209
00:46:52,663 --> 00:46:54,594
- It's a pretty big one!
- Bring down your voice.
1210
00:46:54,596 --> 00:46:55,694
You know why I'm upset?
1211
00:46:55,696 --> 00:46:57,794
This is exactly what I thought
was going to happen.
1212
00:46:57,796 --> 00:46:59,928
And I even said it.
I said it in your office.
1213
00:46:59,930 --> 00:47:02,694
I don't want to write
for some bullshit politician.
1214
00:47:02,696 --> 00:47:03,962
I wanted to write for you.
1215
00:47:03,964 --> 00:47:05,694
Because I thought you cared
about this shit.
1216
00:47:05,696 --> 00:47:08,495
Until you're running the game,
you have to play the game.
1217
00:47:08,497 --> 00:47:10,428
Well, then, by the time
you win the game,
1218
00:47:10,430 --> 00:47:13,560
you don't know who's scoring
touchdowns on whose nets,
1219
00:47:13,562 --> 00:47:15,428
and you don't know
who's hitting home runs
1220
00:47:15,430 --> 00:47:16,895
in whose fucking end zones!
1221
00:47:16,897 --> 00:47:18,461
- What are you talking about?
- I don't know sports.
1222
00:47:18,463 --> 00:47:19,694
Let me try it with food.
1223
00:47:19,696 --> 00:47:21,962
You wanna open a restaurant.
But all you got is chopsticks.
1224
00:47:21,964 --> 00:47:24,661
No! I don't have time
for this, okay?
1225
00:47:24,663 --> 00:47:27,361
If you want to quit,
then just fucking quit.
1226
00:47:27,363 --> 00:47:29,228
- I don't give a shit.
- Yeah, you don't give a shit.
1227
00:47:29,230 --> 00:47:30,261
- No, I don't.
- You used to fucking give a shit,
1228
00:47:30,263 --> 00:47:32,495
but now you don't
give a shit about anything.
1229
00:47:32,497 --> 00:47:34,228
You cared more about
recycling in high school
1230
00:47:34,230 --> 00:47:36,330
than you do this shit and it's
very disappointing to me.
1231
00:47:37,529 --> 00:47:39,828
Fuck this.
I've got a speech to give.
1232
00:47:39,830 --> 00:47:40,995
Oh, yeah, good luck
giving it,
1233
00:47:40,997 --> 00:47:42,328
it's on my computer
in the snow.
1234
00:47:42,330 --> 00:47:43,828
I have copies, you idiot.
1235
00:47:43,830 --> 00:47:46,196
You just threw your computer
in the snow, that's it.
1236
00:47:47,296 --> 00:47:49,562
Oh, no! Shit!
1237
00:47:50,730 --> 00:47:52,795
Oh, God damn it!
1238
00:47:52,797 --> 00:47:55,527
It's soaked!
I need a bowl of rice!
1239
00:47:55,529 --> 00:47:57,263
I need a big bowl of rice!
1240
00:47:58,597 --> 00:48:01,828
God damn it! Why didn't I
back this thing up?
1241
00:48:01,830 --> 00:48:03,397
All my shit's on here.
1242
00:48:13,730 --> 00:48:15,230
CHARLOTTE: Fred. Look.
1243
00:48:18,930 --> 00:48:20,131
Wow.
1244
00:48:23,997 --> 00:48:26,163
I've never seen
anything like that.
1245
00:48:28,530 --> 00:48:29,530
No, I...
1246
00:48:30,463 --> 00:48:32,497
I've seen pictures of it,
but I never...
1247
00:48:33,697 --> 00:48:34,697
...actually...
1248
00:48:36,630 --> 00:48:38,730
I never saw it. (SNIFFLES)
1249
00:48:39,697 --> 00:48:41,331
Are you crying right now?
1250
00:48:42,263 --> 00:48:43,263
It's pretty.
1251
00:48:47,764 --> 00:48:48,764
Yeah.
1252
00:48:51,331 --> 00:48:52,331
Fred?
1253
00:48:52,764 --> 00:48:53,764
(SNIFFLES) Yeah?
1254
00:48:55,264 --> 00:48:57,495
If you ever pull
some shit like that again,
1255
00:48:57,497 --> 00:48:58,830
I'll have you thrown in Gitmo.
1256
00:49:01,331 --> 00:49:03,197
Yes, Madam Secretary.
I'm sorry.
1257
00:49:04,930 --> 00:49:07,430
You better hope this fucking
speech goes over well.
1258
00:49:10,231 --> 00:49:14,428
I've often gravitated
toward the underdog.
1259
00:49:14,430 --> 00:49:18,862
The band of misfits who fight
back against the bullies.
1260
00:49:18,864 --> 00:49:21,730
In high school, I would talk
about the underdog a lot.
1261
00:49:23,463 --> 00:49:26,262
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox,
1262
00:49:26,264 --> 00:49:29,664
rambling on and on about
the injustices of the world.
1263
00:49:32,730 --> 00:49:35,295
Which makes you
extremely popular,
1264
00:49:35,297 --> 00:49:37,795
especially when everybody
would rather be watching
1265
00:49:37,797 --> 00:49:39,862
Beverly Hills, 90210.
1266
00:49:39,864 --> 00:49:41,497
(ALL LAUGH)
1267
00:49:43,897 --> 00:49:46,561
But that is why I am happy
to announce
1268
00:49:46,563 --> 00:49:49,828
an initiative that would make
my 16-year-old self proud.
1269
00:49:49,830 --> 00:49:52,329
In what is now being dubbed
"The Underdog Speech,"
1270
00:49:52,331 --> 00:49:54,595
the secretary of state
opened up about her childhood
1271
00:49:54,597 --> 00:49:55,896
and passion
for the environment
1272
00:49:55,898 --> 00:49:58,495
by announcing
a bold new initiative...
1273
00:49:58,497 --> 00:50:01,595
...turns out she has always
been an Andrea Zuckerman
1274
00:50:01,597 --> 00:50:03,764
in the body of a Kelly Taylor.
1275
00:50:05,630 --> 00:50:07,430
- Hey.
- Hi.
1276
00:50:08,597 --> 00:50:10,295
Oh, wow, you shaved your neck.
1277
00:50:10,297 --> 00:50:11,561
I did. I cleaned it up.
1278
00:50:11,563 --> 00:50:13,763
Got my whole back.
Went all the way down.
1279
00:50:13,765 --> 00:50:14,929
Looks good.
1280
00:50:14,931 --> 00:50:16,763
Trying to make a good
impression, I guess, anyway...
1281
00:50:16,765 --> 00:50:18,829
I, uh...
1282
00:50:18,831 --> 00:50:22,328
I just wanted to apologize
to you, again,
1283
00:50:22,330 --> 00:50:25,662
for acting a little crazy,
you know.
1284
00:50:25,664 --> 00:50:27,328
I'm gonna...
1285
00:50:27,330 --> 00:50:28,561
I'm going to really try
to tone it down
1286
00:50:28,563 --> 00:50:32,231
and not, you know, make you
risk global, uh, humiliation.
1287
00:50:32,597 --> 00:50:33,698
Good. Great.
1288
00:50:34,330 --> 00:50:35,461
Also.
1289
00:50:35,463 --> 00:50:36,996
I googled speech writing
1290
00:50:36,998 --> 00:50:38,796
and it was
actually very informative.
1291
00:50:38,798 --> 00:50:39,763
What I learned
1292
00:50:39,765 --> 00:50:41,063
was that in order to write
better for you,
1293
00:50:41,065 --> 00:50:44,495
I should kinda get to know you
better and get in your head,
1294
00:50:44,497 --> 00:50:45,629
and everything
I already know about you,
1295
00:50:45,631 --> 00:50:46,829
I kinda used
on the first speech.
1296
00:50:46,831 --> 00:50:48,295
So, what I did
1297
00:50:48,297 --> 00:50:49,696
was I wrote a ton of questions
1298
00:50:49,698 --> 00:50:51,461
that will maybe help me
capture your voice,
1299
00:50:51,463 --> 00:50:52,763
if you have a minute.
1300
00:50:52,765 --> 00:50:54,629
I actually have seven.
1301
00:50:54,631 --> 00:50:56,796
Seven. Okay, great.
Yeah. I'll take it.
1302
00:50:56,798 --> 00:50:58,294
- All right.
- Seven minutes in heaven.
1303
00:50:58,296 --> 00:50:59,629
(CHUCKLES) Um...
1304
00:50:59,631 --> 00:51:01,596
- Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)
- So. Ah... I guess...
1305
00:51:01,598 --> 00:51:02,763
Just like...
What are you into?
1306
00:51:02,765 --> 00:51:03,963
What kind of shit you into?
1307
00:51:03,965 --> 00:51:05,829
Well, this is
pretty much it.
1308
00:51:05,831 --> 00:51:07,629
I mean,
secretary of state stuff.
1309
00:51:07,631 --> 00:51:09,929
Do you have any hobbies?
Anything? Do you watch TV?
1310
00:51:09,931 --> 00:51:11,562
Do you watch Game of Thrones
or anything like that?
1311
00:51:11,564 --> 00:51:13,262
Oh, I'm fully aware
of what happened
1312
00:51:13,264 --> 00:51:14,763
in every season
of Game of Thrones.
1313
00:51:14,765 --> 00:51:16,596
Because you watch it?
1314
00:51:16,598 --> 00:51:18,729
Because I read synopses
on every episode.
1315
00:51:18,731 --> 00:51:20,396
That can't actually work.
1316
00:51:20,398 --> 00:51:22,294
I couldn't believe
when Khaleesi's dragon
1317
00:51:22,296 --> 00:51:23,665
(WHISPERS)
came back as a White Walker.
1318
00:51:24,331 --> 00:51:25,629
(WHISPERS) Whoa!
1319
00:51:25,631 --> 00:51:26,729
- See?
- What about movies?
1320
00:51:26,731 --> 00:51:27,996
Do you watch movies?
1321
00:51:27,998 --> 00:51:30,261
Synopses of all
the award contenders.
1322
00:51:30,263 --> 00:51:31,596
You used to love movies!
1323
00:51:31,598 --> 00:51:33,696
You made me watch
Encino Man 30 times.
1324
00:51:33,698 --> 00:51:36,329
"Wheeze a little juice!"
1325
00:51:36,331 --> 00:51:38,396
(LAUGHING) You still do the
worst Pauly Shore impression
1326
00:51:38,398 --> 00:51:40,230
in the history of mankind.
1327
00:51:40,232 --> 00:51:42,663
I can't believe you're
still doing "The Weasel"
1328
00:51:42,665 --> 00:51:44,295
and you haven't seen
any of the Marvel Universe.
1329
00:51:44,297 --> 00:51:47,232
Those movies are sick.
You're like frozen in time.
1330
00:51:47,831 --> 00:51:49,496
I am Encino Man.
1331
00:51:49,498 --> 00:51:50,496
(FRED SCOFFS)
1332
00:51:50,498 --> 00:51:53,329
All right, what is your
favorite book as a kid?
1333
00:51:53,331 --> 00:51:55,362
The Velveteen Rabbit. You?
1334
00:51:55,364 --> 00:51:56,696
Fear and Loathing
in Las Vegas.
1335
00:51:56,698 --> 00:51:58,863
- Oh, that explains a lot.
- (CHUCKLING) Yeah.
1336
00:51:58,865 --> 00:52:00,763
(GREETS IN VIETNAMESE)
1337
00:52:00,765 --> 00:52:03,262
I'm so sorry
for what we've done to you.
1338
00:52:03,264 --> 00:52:04,829
Best drug experience?
1339
00:52:04,831 --> 00:52:06,763
I could get summoned
at any moment
1340
00:52:06,765 --> 00:52:08,262
to deal with
an international crisis,
1341
00:52:08,264 --> 00:52:09,596
I can't do that on acid.
1342
00:52:09,598 --> 00:52:10,863
What about Molly?
1343
00:52:10,865 --> 00:52:11,996
Who's Molly?
1344
00:52:11,998 --> 00:52:13,596
(SIGHS)
1345
00:52:13,598 --> 00:52:15,295
REPORTER: Secretary of State
Charlotte Field
1346
00:52:15,297 --> 00:52:18,396
continues on her impressive
20-country world tour
1347
00:52:18,398 --> 00:52:19,796
to garner more support
1348
00:52:19,798 --> 00:52:21,529
for her ambitious
environmental initiative.
1349
00:52:21,531 --> 00:52:23,362
And all in a private jet,
no less.
1350
00:52:23,364 --> 00:52:24,863
You know what would
save the environment?
1351
00:52:24,865 --> 00:52:26,663
Charlotte Field
grounding her ass.
1352
00:52:26,665 --> 00:52:28,262
I know where I'd like
to ground her ass.
1353
00:52:28,264 --> 00:52:30,596
(LAUGHS) Oh, I walked
right into that one.
1354
00:52:30,598 --> 00:52:32,796
Must Have Been Love
by Roxette.
1355
00:52:32,798 --> 00:52:35,329
- Oh! That's just fucking hot.
- Right?
1356
00:52:35,331 --> 00:52:36,796
- I got a new one.
- (MUFFLED) What?
1357
00:52:36,798 --> 00:52:38,229
I got to change
my favorite song.
1358
00:52:38,231 --> 00:52:39,863
- You have too many.
- I've done it a few times.
1359
00:52:39,865 --> 00:52:42,897
Broccoli by DRAM,
featuring Lil Yachty.
1360
00:52:42,899 --> 00:52:44,462
All those words
1361
00:52:44,464 --> 00:52:46,362
- are the name of a song?
- Yeah.
1362
00:52:46,364 --> 00:52:47,362
CHARLOTTE: I don't
really think I have one.
1363
00:52:47,364 --> 00:52:49,629
FRED: You gotta have one.
Everyone has one.
1364
00:52:49,631 --> 00:52:51,596
Well, I don't embarrass
that easily.
1365
00:52:51,598 --> 00:52:53,496
Yeah, I hear that.
I don't either, really.
1366
00:52:53,498 --> 00:52:55,596
- Yes, you do.
- No, I don't!
1367
00:52:55,598 --> 00:52:58,529
(LAUGHING) Oh, my God. Okay.
1368
00:52:58,531 --> 00:53:00,766
What's your favorite
sexual position?
1369
00:53:02,431 --> 00:53:04,596
I mean, you know, front.
1370
00:53:04,598 --> 00:53:06,295
- Normal. Front facing normal.
- (LAUGHING) Oh, my God.
1371
00:53:06,297 --> 00:53:07,864
- What kinda question is that?
- That's all it took.
1372
00:53:07,866 --> 00:53:08,830
Look at you.
1373
00:53:08,832 --> 00:53:10,930
Well, what's your favorite
sexual position?
1374
00:53:10,932 --> 00:53:12,964
- Don't be gross, Fred. Hi.
- Yeah, see?
1375
00:53:12,966 --> 00:53:15,164
What's your favorite
sexual position?
1376
00:53:15,866 --> 00:53:17,666
It's too complicated
to explain.
1377
00:53:18,832 --> 00:53:20,598
- Really?
- I told you mine.
1378
00:53:21,297 --> 00:53:23,295
Oh, God, okay. (SIGHS)
1379
00:53:23,297 --> 00:53:25,764
I just got back
from a trip to New Delhi.
1380
00:53:25,766 --> 00:53:27,730
- Yeah?
- I got called into a meeting
1381
00:53:27,732 --> 00:53:30,329
with the Joint Chiefs,
and I was a little nervous.
1382
00:53:30,331 --> 00:53:32,462
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1383
00:53:32,464 --> 00:53:36,496
And my stomach was a little
weird from all the curry.
1384
00:53:36,498 --> 00:53:37,565
Oh, no.
1385
00:53:38,264 --> 00:53:39,231
Delhi belly.
1386
00:53:41,499 --> 00:53:45,462
Well, we were in a motorcade
and we couldn't stop.
1387
00:53:45,464 --> 00:53:46,799
- Oh, no.
- Mmm-hmm.
1388
00:53:47,599 --> 00:53:48,864
God...
1389
00:53:48,866 --> 00:53:52,864
I ruined a really nice
Dolce & Gabbana bag.
1390
00:53:52,866 --> 00:53:55,295
- You puked in it?
- Nope.
1391
00:53:55,297 --> 00:53:58,497
Oh, no!
In a moving vehicle?
1392
00:53:58,499 --> 00:54:01,329
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN ON TV)
1393
00:54:01,331 --> 00:54:03,563
Do you actually understand
what's happening right now?
1394
00:54:03,565 --> 00:54:05,964
Yes, I speak Russian.
1395
00:54:05,966 --> 00:54:08,430
FRED: The Russian
Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope.
1396
00:54:08,432 --> 00:54:10,799
Do svidanya,
motherfuckers!
1397
00:54:11,632 --> 00:54:13,666
- (GASPS)
- (GUNFIRE ON TV)
1398
00:54:15,298 --> 00:54:17,630
Oh, my God, they just
shot the pirate guy!
1399
00:54:17,632 --> 00:54:18,864
But he's keeping
the team together.
1400
00:54:18,866 --> 00:54:19,930
I know.
1401
00:54:19,932 --> 00:54:21,330
I don't think
I can handle that.
1402
00:54:21,332 --> 00:54:22,397
- Oh, it's okay.
- No,
1403
00:54:22,399 --> 00:54:24,530
I really liked him
in the movie.
1404
00:54:24,532 --> 00:54:25,797
Don't worry,
just keep watching.
1405
00:54:25,799 --> 00:54:28,530
FRED: You know,
the Philippines gets a bad rap.
1406
00:54:28,532 --> 00:54:30,363
Because it's pretty nice here.
1407
00:54:30,365 --> 00:54:32,764
You'd never know civil war
was about to break out.
1408
00:54:32,766 --> 00:54:34,230
This is good.
1409
00:54:34,232 --> 00:54:35,397
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
1410
00:54:35,399 --> 00:54:40,430
Hey. What if we use
this line to start with?
1411
00:54:40,432 --> 00:54:41,697
Yeah, "I'm going to
start this speech
1412
00:54:41,699 --> 00:54:43,296
"by saying the same thing
I said to my boss
1413
00:54:43,298 --> 00:54:45,764
"at Blockbuster Video
when I was 16.
1414
00:54:45,766 --> 00:54:46,964
- "I quit."
- (LAUGHING)
1415
00:54:46,966 --> 00:54:49,397
- That's not bad.
- I love that.
1416
00:54:49,399 --> 00:54:51,363
This is really fucking good.
1417
00:54:51,365 --> 00:54:53,530
Look at you, you get me, Fred.
1418
00:54:53,532 --> 00:54:55,730
I totally get you.
1419
00:54:55,732 --> 00:54:57,563
♪ All I want for my birthday
1420
00:54:57,565 --> 00:54:59,397
♪ Is a big booty ho
1421
00:54:59,399 --> 00:55:00,864
♪ All I want
for my birthday... ♪
1422
00:55:00,866 --> 00:55:02,597
I couldn't be happier
that out of all the shit
1423
00:55:02,599 --> 00:55:04,397
I played you
from the last decade,
1424
00:55:04,399 --> 00:55:05,964
that what you've liked
the most is 2 Chainz.
1425
00:55:05,966 --> 00:55:08,363
- It's catchy.
- It's awesome.
1426
00:55:08,365 --> 00:55:09,499
(CHUCKLES)
1427
00:55:12,967 --> 00:55:15,832
So, are you, like, dating
the prime minister of Canada?
1428
00:55:18,332 --> 00:55:19,864
- No. No.
- No.
1429
00:55:19,866 --> 00:55:21,664
I feel like I read...
Did I read that
1430
00:55:21,666 --> 00:55:23,630
in some shitty tabloid
that you guys were dating?
1431
00:55:23,632 --> 00:55:26,463
- Maybe it's not true.
- No, I'm sure you did. It's...
1432
00:55:26,465 --> 00:55:29,296
They like to write about it,
but no. I...
1433
00:55:29,298 --> 00:55:32,296
We're not, we... We flirt.
1434
00:55:32,298 --> 00:55:33,697
- Yeah. Okay.
- Kind of.
1435
00:55:33,699 --> 00:55:36,399
It's weird.
We made out once.
1436
00:55:37,265 --> 00:55:38,332
Dope.
1437
00:55:38,666 --> 00:55:39,865
You asked.
1438
00:55:39,867 --> 00:55:41,931
No, hey! I've hooked up with
1439
00:55:41,933 --> 00:55:44,363
my fair share
of world leaders, too.
1440
00:55:44,365 --> 00:55:46,432
I 69'd Fidel Castro once.
1441
00:55:47,365 --> 00:55:48,632
You thought
his beard was big.
1442
00:55:49,365 --> 00:55:50,430
Um...
1443
00:55:50,432 --> 00:55:53,463
But how does that work
with you? Do you, like...
1444
00:55:53,465 --> 00:55:55,397
Do you, like, date?
1445
00:55:55,399 --> 00:55:59,198
Uh... Yeah. I date.
1446
00:55:59,900 --> 00:56:01,831
Generally, you know,
1447
00:56:01,833 --> 00:56:04,363
with people who have
similar lifestyles to me.
1448
00:56:04,365 --> 00:56:05,867
People who travel a lot.
1449
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:11,465
It's hard to keep
those things alive. I...
1450
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:15,230
I mean, who wants to
follow me around the world
1451
00:56:15,232 --> 00:56:17,566
and hope I have five minutes
to be affectionate?
1452
00:56:18,465 --> 00:56:19,831
- Yeah.
- And honestly,
1453
00:56:19,833 --> 00:56:21,598
guys don't really
want to date women
1454
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:22,898
who are more powerful
than them.
1455
00:56:22,900 --> 00:56:24,499
They think they do, but...
1456
00:56:25,767 --> 00:56:27,598
It's a dick shriveller.
1457
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:29,698
- Uff.
- Mmm-hmm.
1458
00:56:29,700 --> 00:56:31,931
Dick Shriveller is my favorite
Batman villain though.
1459
00:56:31,933 --> 00:56:33,633
- So...
- (CHUCKLING SOFTLY)
1460
00:56:35,332 --> 00:56:37,263
You gonna ask
why I'm still single?
1461
00:56:37,265 --> 00:56:39,765
- No, I get it.
- (LAUGHING)
1462
00:56:39,767 --> 00:56:41,867
- It makes sense.
- Yeah. It adds up.
1463
00:56:47,733 --> 00:56:49,598
- (WHOOSHING)
- (GASPS)
1464
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:51,598
- (EXPLOSION)
- (FRED GRUNTING)
1465
00:56:51,600 --> 00:56:52,731
We're right in front
of the window.
1466
00:56:52,733 --> 00:56:54,731
- (GUNFIRE)
- (EXPLOSION)
1467
00:56:54,733 --> 00:56:56,331
What the fuck is happening?
1468
00:56:56,333 --> 00:56:57,964
Insurgents are fighting
the army.
1469
00:56:57,966 --> 00:56:59,865
- Are we in danger?
- Yes! Yes!
1470
00:56:59,867 --> 00:57:01,531
Madam Secretary,
we need to leave now!
1471
00:57:01,533 --> 00:57:02,865
- (GUNFIRE)
- FRED: Fuck!
1472
00:57:02,867 --> 00:57:04,232
AGENT: This way!
1473
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:07,598
All right, guys, come with me.
1474
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:09,198
- Come on.
- (ALL SCREAM)
1475
00:57:33,533 --> 00:57:34,665
Secretary Field, this way!
1476
00:57:34,667 --> 00:57:36,633
- I got her, secure them!
- (FRED GRUNTS)
1477
00:57:37,633 --> 00:57:38,700
This way.
1478
00:57:42,233 --> 00:57:43,400
You'll be safe in here.
1479
00:57:44,700 --> 00:57:46,731
Oh, fuck! Are you okay?
1480
00:57:46,733 --> 00:57:47,731
Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?
1481
00:57:47,733 --> 00:57:49,731
I'm okay. Yeah. (STAMMERS)
We're okay. Okay.
1482
00:57:49,733 --> 00:57:53,731
- Okay.
- Okay. Okay. Holy shit!
1483
00:57:53,733 --> 00:57:56,964
(EXCLAIMS) Oh,
we could have just died.
1484
00:57:56,966 --> 00:57:59,765
Oh, my God, I'm freaking out
a bit right now.
1485
00:57:59,767 --> 00:58:00,831
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
I'm having a hard time
1486
00:58:00,833 --> 00:58:01,965
catching my breath
a little bit.
1487
00:58:01,967 --> 00:58:03,032
You don't seem like you're
freaking out very much.
1488
00:58:03,034 --> 00:58:06,364
I am! I'm employing
a Navy SEAL breathing technique,
1489
00:58:06,366 --> 00:58:07,631
for dealing with panicking.
1490
00:58:07,633 --> 00:58:09,864
It's just gonna take about
90 seconds to work.
1491
00:58:09,866 --> 00:58:12,831
90 seconds? I need more than
fucking 90 seconds!
1492
00:58:12,833 --> 00:58:14,564
I need 90 fucking years!
1493
00:58:14,566 --> 00:58:17,264
I'm fucked up for life
from this shit, yo!
1494
00:58:17,266 --> 00:58:19,998
I have so many regrets,
did so many terrible things!
1495
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:23,431
When I was 12, I peed on a dog
to impress an older kid.
1496
00:58:23,433 --> 00:58:25,733
The dog didn't like it.
The older kid didn't either!
1497
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:27,665
It was just pointless.
1498
00:58:27,667 --> 00:58:29,431
- (EXPLOSION)
- What the fuck?
1499
00:58:29,433 --> 00:58:31,500
Holy shit! Fuck!
1500
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:34,799
Is there more? Is there
gonna be more?
1501
00:58:34,801 --> 00:58:35,998
- Fred.
- Is there more?
1502
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:37,398
You're gonna
have to calm down.
1503
00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:38,631
I don't think I can.
1504
00:58:38,633 --> 00:58:40,431
Sit down with me.
1505
00:58:40,433 --> 00:58:41,564
And breathe.
1506
00:58:41,566 --> 00:58:43,931
- Four seconds in.
- (BREATHING HEAVILY)
1507
00:58:43,933 --> 00:58:44,998
Four seconds out.
1508
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:46,831
Four seconds in.
1509
00:58:46,833 --> 00:58:48,498
(GASPING)
One, two, three, four...
1510
00:58:48,500 --> 00:58:51,364
- Four seconds out.
- One, two...
1511
00:58:51,366 --> 00:58:54,231
- Four seconds in.
- One, two, three, four...
1512
00:58:54,233 --> 00:58:55,732
You don't have to count
while you're doing this.
1513
00:58:55,734 --> 00:58:56,865
...four. It helps me.
1514
00:58:56,867 --> 00:59:00,564
- (WHEEZING) One, two, three, four...
- There you go.
1515
00:59:00,566 --> 00:59:02,898
One, two, three, four.
1516
00:59:02,900 --> 00:59:04,801
- One, two, three, four.
- (EXHALING DEEPLY)
1517
00:59:05,668 --> 00:59:07,466
One, two, three, four.
1518
00:59:08,668 --> 00:59:10,701
- You got it.
- (SIGHS) That actually works.
1519
00:59:11,734 --> 00:59:13,266
Those guys are good.
1520
00:59:14,967 --> 00:59:16,501
(EXHALING DEEPLY)
1521
00:59:17,833 --> 00:59:19,532
We did almost just die,
though.
1522
00:59:19,534 --> 00:59:20,599
We actually did almost die.
1523
00:59:20,601 --> 00:59:22,264
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank God.
1524
00:59:22,266 --> 00:59:23,398
That actually
makes me feel better.
1525
00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:24,532
Means I didn't overreact.
1526
00:59:24,534 --> 00:59:27,266
Oh, God, no, you completely
overreacted. (LAUGHING)
1527
00:59:28,333 --> 00:59:29,501
Yeah, maybe.
1528
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:33,800
I can think of worse ways
to go
1529
00:59:34,867 --> 00:59:36,534
than here with you. (CHUCKLES)
1530
00:59:37,867 --> 00:59:39,766
Honestly, this has been like,
1531
00:59:39,768 --> 00:59:42,567
the best few weeks
of my entire life.
1532
00:59:45,933 --> 00:59:47,264
You don't have to say it
back to me.
1533
00:59:47,266 --> 00:59:48,532
I know it's not true for you.
1534
00:59:48,534 --> 00:59:50,565
I saw you sing with
Bruce Springsteen last year,
1535
00:59:50,567 --> 00:59:51,931
at that benefit concert.
That was probably
1536
00:59:51,933 --> 00:59:53,399
a way better week.
1537
00:59:53,401 --> 00:59:56,231
Just as an example. (CHUCKLES)
1538
00:59:56,233 --> 00:59:58,666
Well, this is
a pretty close second.
1539
00:59:58,668 --> 01:00:00,765
Really? To The Boss?
1540
01:00:00,767 --> 01:00:01,831
Yeah.
1541
01:00:01,833 --> 01:00:04,166
Wow. That's nice.
1542
01:00:10,800 --> 01:00:12,167
Uh...
1543
01:00:17,833 --> 01:00:20,898
I feel like maybe you want me
to kiss you right now,
1544
01:00:20,900 --> 01:00:22,865
but I don't want to make
the same stupid mistake
1545
01:00:22,867 --> 01:00:24,298
I made 25 years ago.
1546
01:00:24,300 --> 01:00:26,167
Wouldn't be a stupid mistake.
1547
01:00:26,867 --> 01:00:28,467
Wait... Really?
1548
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:36,599
We've secured the location.
1549
01:00:36,601 --> 01:00:39,467
But we need to move you.
The helicopter is standing by.
1550
01:00:40,567 --> 01:00:42,267
Thank you, Agent M.
1551
01:00:46,833 --> 01:00:48,232
FRED: Holy shit.
1552
01:00:48,234 --> 01:00:49,298
That helicopter was way louder
1553
01:00:49,300 --> 01:00:50,698
than I thought
it was gonna be.
1554
01:00:50,700 --> 01:00:52,668
- MAGGIE: Fred, enough. Enough.
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
1555
01:00:53,534 --> 01:00:54,632
We're safe here though?
1556
01:00:54,634 --> 01:00:56,298
- MAGGIE: Yes!
- TOM: Oh, my God, Fred!
1557
01:00:56,300 --> 01:00:57,365
AGENT: This way.
1558
01:00:57,367 --> 01:00:58,601
FRED: This place
looks really nice.
1559
01:01:02,534 --> 01:01:03,999
Fred, I need you
to come work
1560
01:01:04,001 --> 01:01:05,831
on that speech with me,
right now.
1561
01:01:05,833 --> 01:01:07,901
- Right now?
- Yeah. Right now.
1562
01:01:08,767 --> 01:01:09,868
Okay.
1563
01:01:13,968 --> 01:01:16,232
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)
1564
01:01:16,234 --> 01:01:17,399
Hang on, get my pants off.
1565
01:01:17,401 --> 01:01:18,733
Okay, I gotta, too. Shit.
1566
01:01:20,234 --> 01:01:21,632
- CHARLOTTE: We're doing it?
- Yeah!
1567
01:01:21,634 --> 01:01:22,698
- CHARLOTTE: Do it faster.
- Let's do it.
1568
01:01:22,700 --> 01:01:23,700
They're coming off!
1569
01:01:25,667 --> 01:01:27,667
Fucking tapered pants. Shit!
1570
01:01:29,001 --> 01:01:30,200
Fuck!
1571
01:01:31,701 --> 01:01:33,365
CHARLOTTE: Okay, just leave
it! Just leave it! Leave it!
1572
01:01:33,367 --> 01:01:34,832
- FRED: Okay.
- Okay. Yeah.
1573
01:01:34,834 --> 01:01:35,899
Should I go in, then?
1574
01:01:35,901 --> 01:01:37,565
Yeah, enter.
1575
01:01:37,567 --> 01:01:40,832
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no!
1576
01:01:40,834 --> 01:01:42,966
- I'm gonna come really soon.
- Me too.
1577
01:01:42,968 --> 01:01:44,432
- Really?
- Yeah!
1578
01:01:44,434 --> 01:01:45,499
- Oh, God!
- Oh!
1579
01:01:45,501 --> 01:01:46,899
BOTH: Oh, boy!
1580
01:01:46,901 --> 01:01:49,732
(BOTH MOANING LOUDLY)
1581
01:01:49,734 --> 01:01:52,666
- Oh, God! Okay.
- Oh, my God!
1582
01:01:52,668 --> 01:01:54,566
- I'm coming out.
- Okay, come on.
1583
01:01:54,568 --> 01:02:00,365
Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck!
1584
01:02:00,367 --> 01:02:03,602
Wow. Oh, my God,
I'm sorry.
1585
01:02:04,502 --> 01:02:05,699
I don't know
what happened.
1586
01:02:05,701 --> 01:02:07,899
I usually last
way longer than that.
1587
01:02:07,901 --> 01:02:09,300
- You know?
- Not me.
1588
01:02:10,334 --> 01:02:11,265
That was weird.
1589
01:02:11,267 --> 01:02:12,466
We both said, "Oh, boy"
when we came...
1590
01:02:12,468 --> 01:02:14,433
- Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
- ...at the same time.
1591
01:02:14,435 --> 01:02:15,966
- That's never happened before.
- I've never said that.
1592
01:02:15,968 --> 01:02:19,232
- Yeah.
- Super strange.
1593
01:02:19,234 --> 01:02:20,932
- Oh!
- Should we do that again?
1594
01:02:20,934 --> 01:02:22,600
Yeah, my hands are shaking,
I need a minute.
1595
01:02:22,602 --> 01:02:24,234
(EXHALES)
1596
01:02:27,300 --> 01:02:28,932
Hmm.
1597
01:02:28,934 --> 01:02:31,866
- Who's this little guy?
- (LAUGHING)
1598
01:02:31,868 --> 01:02:33,766
I was a writing an article
about neo-Nazis
1599
01:02:33,768 --> 01:02:35,500
and I had to get a bottom half
1600
01:02:35,502 --> 01:02:36,932
of a swastika
tattooed on me...
1601
01:02:36,934 --> 01:02:38,766
- Oh, my God.
- ...so they wouldn't kill me
1602
01:02:38,768 --> 01:02:40,766
and I didn't want that,
1603
01:02:40,768 --> 01:02:43,899
so I added little shoes and
I made him a little stick man
1604
01:02:43,901 --> 01:02:47,366
and I named him
Adolf Stickler.
1605
01:02:47,368 --> 01:02:49,433
You'd never know
he had little swastika legs.
1606
01:02:49,435 --> 01:02:50,899
- No.
- He's so happy about it.
1607
01:02:50,901 --> 01:02:51,966
I know, they just
look like pants.
1608
01:02:51,968 --> 01:02:54,599
You'd never know he was born
in the fires of hatred.
1609
01:02:54,601 --> 01:02:56,268
(LAUGHING)
1610
01:02:58,001 --> 01:02:59,801
Man, I am hungry.
1611
01:03:02,435 --> 01:03:03,932
What time is it?
1612
01:03:03,934 --> 01:03:06,601
I couldn't tell you
what fucking day it is.
1613
01:03:07,734 --> 01:03:10,699
And where...
Where are we right now?
1614
01:03:10,701 --> 01:03:11,999
I don't have a clue.
1615
01:03:12,001 --> 01:03:13,266
You don't know?
1616
01:03:13,268 --> 01:03:14,466
No. They just
dropped us here.
1617
01:03:14,468 --> 01:03:16,734
They just took us here
on the helicopter.
1618
01:03:38,801 --> 01:03:39,866
AGENT M: Good morning,
Mr. Flarsky.
1619
01:03:39,868 --> 01:03:41,235
Jesus!
1620
01:03:43,301 --> 01:03:44,634
You scared me, man.
1621
01:03:50,368 --> 01:03:52,967
Could you maybe not tell
anybody about this?
1622
01:03:52,969 --> 01:03:54,768
They wouldn't
believe me anyway.
1623
01:03:56,402 --> 01:03:57,468
Fair enough.
1624
01:03:58,534 --> 01:03:59,869
Good luck, man.
1625
01:04:01,835 --> 01:04:02,902
Thank you.
1626
01:04:11,902 --> 01:04:14,299
(ON RADIO)
These helicopters are scary.
1627
01:04:14,301 --> 01:04:17,435
It's gonna be fine, Fred.
Just breathe.
1628
01:04:19,301 --> 01:04:20,433
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
1629
01:04:20,435 --> 01:04:22,900
FRED: One, two, three, four.
1630
01:04:22,902 --> 01:04:24,902
One, two, three, four.
1631
01:04:37,002 --> 01:04:38,900
I feel so happy right now!
1632
01:04:38,902 --> 01:04:40,633
Like,
I'm beginning to realize,
1633
01:04:40,635 --> 01:04:42,366
I may have never been happy.
1634
01:04:42,368 --> 01:04:44,867
This might be the first time
I ever felt happy.
1635
01:04:44,869 --> 01:04:46,333
And it feels good.
1636
01:04:46,335 --> 01:04:49,333
This is like, the best shit
that's ever happened.
1637
01:04:49,335 --> 01:04:51,266
There's like this crazy big
banquet thing tonight,
1638
01:04:51,268 --> 01:04:52,867
and she gave me
like a tuxedo to wear.
1639
01:04:52,869 --> 01:04:53,933
And it's not like a date,
1640
01:04:53,935 --> 01:04:55,533
but it kinda
feels like a date.
1641
01:04:55,535 --> 01:04:58,233
How do I not fuck this up?
Seems impossible.
1642
01:04:58,235 --> 01:05:00,466
Dude, you just need to give
yourself affirmation, man.
1643
01:05:00,468 --> 01:05:02,266
You need to... (STAMMERS)
1644
01:05:02,268 --> 01:05:04,335
You need to say that
you're worthy of love, man.
1645
01:05:05,301 --> 01:05:06,600
I am worthy of love.
1646
01:05:06,602 --> 01:05:08,266
All right, now you gotta
say it 10,000
1647
01:05:08,268 --> 01:05:09,767
more times,
until you believe it.
1648
01:05:09,769 --> 01:05:11,233
Okay, look, I gotta go.
1649
01:05:11,235 --> 01:05:13,566
I have no fucking clue
how to tie a bow tie.
1650
01:05:13,568 --> 01:05:15,233
All right, man. Hey!
1651
01:05:15,235 --> 01:05:16,235
Be bold!
1652
01:05:23,435 --> 01:05:24,602
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
1653
01:05:32,635 --> 01:05:33,967
Hi.
1654
01:05:33,969 --> 01:05:36,633
You look really pretty.
(CHUCKLES)
1655
01:05:36,635 --> 01:05:37,869
Thank you.
1656
01:05:38,769 --> 01:05:41,833
You look really pretty, too.
1657
01:05:41,835 --> 01:05:42,900
Thank you.
1658
01:05:42,902 --> 01:05:44,334
Thanks for the suit.
1659
01:05:44,336 --> 01:05:45,466
We should probably head in.
1660
01:05:45,468 --> 01:05:46,568
- Shall we?
- FRED: Yeah.
1661
01:05:50,002 --> 01:05:52,767
Wow. This is awesome.
1662
01:05:52,769 --> 01:05:54,433
It's cool being
in Argentina.
1663
01:05:54,435 --> 01:05:55,833
I think the guys
who killed my grandparents
1664
01:05:55,835 --> 01:05:57,635
are hiding here somewhere.
(CHUCKLES)
1665
01:05:58,369 --> 01:05:59,468
Shit, they got a band.
1666
01:06:01,468 --> 01:06:04,900
Do you wanna, uh, dance maybe?
Or grab a drink?
1667
01:06:04,902 --> 01:06:06,433
So there are representatives
1668
01:06:06,435 --> 01:06:08,300
from over 75 countries
here tonight.
1669
01:06:08,302 --> 01:06:09,833
She has three hours
to get out there,
1670
01:06:09,835 --> 01:06:10,867
- shake her money maker...
- Yeah.
1671
01:06:10,869 --> 01:06:12,600
...and get as many
commitments as possible.
1672
01:06:12,602 --> 01:06:14,267
- This is a work event.
- Of course, yeah. I get it.
1673
01:06:14,269 --> 01:06:17,533
We could, uh, maybe at the end
of the night, have a drink.
1674
01:06:17,535 --> 01:06:19,667
Yeah, if you have time.
Cool.
1675
01:06:19,669 --> 01:06:21,733
- We'll see.
- Yeah.
1676
01:06:21,735 --> 01:06:23,535
All right. Okay.
1677
01:06:27,535 --> 01:06:28,869
I know what's going on.
1678
01:06:32,236 --> 01:06:34,667
- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.
1679
01:06:34,669 --> 01:06:35,733
There's nothing going on.
1680
01:06:35,735 --> 01:06:37,901
Don't fucking bullshit me,
Fred.
1681
01:06:37,903 --> 01:06:40,600
'Cause my EQ is through
the goddamn roof.
1682
01:06:40,602 --> 01:06:43,667
And I understand and intuit
the nuances of social dynamics
1683
01:06:43,669 --> 01:06:44,633
like you wouldn't believe.
1684
01:06:44,635 --> 01:06:47,566
The two of you are having sex
with each other.
1685
01:06:47,568 --> 01:06:49,400
There's no way you could
discern something like that.
1686
01:06:49,402 --> 01:06:50,635
Charlotte told me.
1687
01:06:51,402 --> 01:06:52,334
Really?
1688
01:06:52,336 --> 01:06:54,400
No, but you just did,
you fucking idiot.
1689
01:06:54,402 --> 01:06:57,400
Fuck! Shit!
That was fucking very clever.
1690
01:06:57,402 --> 01:06:58,566
Jesus, well,
you know what, yes.
1691
01:06:58,568 --> 01:07:00,600
Okay. We're sexing
one another down.
1692
01:07:00,602 --> 01:07:01,500
- So?
- Ew.
1693
01:07:01,502 --> 01:07:02,868
Honestly, it's probably
weirder to me
1694
01:07:02,870 --> 01:07:04,001
- than it is to you.
- Look,
1695
01:07:04,003 --> 01:07:05,167
I can't believe
I have to say this,
1696
01:07:05,169 --> 01:07:08,402
but just so you know, there's
no way the two of you work.
1697
01:07:09,602 --> 01:07:11,333
Why would you say that?
You don't know that.
1698
01:07:11,335 --> 01:07:13,400
The public will never accept
the two of you together,
1699
01:07:13,402 --> 01:07:14,768
so neither will she.
1700
01:07:14,770 --> 01:07:16,366
Honestly, Fred,
it doesn't matter
1701
01:07:16,368 --> 01:07:17,333
if you get it or you don't,
1702
01:07:17,335 --> 01:07:19,001
'cause the truth is,
she is going to realize it
1703
01:07:19,003 --> 01:07:20,267
for the both of you,
1704
01:07:20,269 --> 01:07:22,366
then you'll have
your heart broken.
1705
01:07:22,368 --> 01:07:23,701
And that could be
kinda fun to watch.
1706
01:07:23,703 --> 01:07:25,402
Ambassador Plenipotentiary...
1707
01:07:42,536 --> 01:07:43,770
PARKER: Madam Secretary!
1708
01:07:44,870 --> 01:07:46,400
Excuse me.
1709
01:07:46,402 --> 01:07:47,534
- Ah!
- Parker.
1710
01:07:47,536 --> 01:07:49,601
- Nope. Nope. Uh...
- (KISSING)
1711
01:07:49,603 --> 01:07:51,467
(PARKER LAUGHING)
1712
01:07:51,469 --> 01:07:54,834
You know, we still have not
found time to sit down.
1713
01:07:54,836 --> 01:07:56,001
You know,
it's not gonna happen.
1714
01:07:56,003 --> 01:07:57,634
I'm not gonna find time.
1715
01:07:57,636 --> 01:08:00,234
I will get my way on this.
1716
01:08:00,236 --> 01:08:01,567
I don't even know
what you mean by "this,"
1717
01:08:01,569 --> 01:08:04,001
but please have at it.
It's all yours.
1718
01:08:04,003 --> 01:08:05,434
- May I have a word?
- Can you excuse me?
1719
01:08:05,436 --> 01:08:06,668
We're in the middle
of a conversation here.
1720
01:08:06,670 --> 01:08:09,334
- Of course. Yes.
- Oh, my God. You are a...
1721
01:08:09,336 --> 01:08:11,834
You look
absolutely wonderful.
1722
01:08:11,836 --> 01:08:13,734
- CHARLOTTE: Oh.
- (JAMES SPEAKS FRENCH)
1723
01:08:13,736 --> 01:08:14,968
(CHARLOTTE CHUCKLES)
1724
01:08:14,970 --> 01:08:16,467
(IN ENGLISH) I have to say,
I have been
1725
01:08:16,469 --> 01:08:18,701
so impressed
by your initiative.
1726
01:08:18,703 --> 01:08:20,467
Does this mean
I can add Canada
1727
01:08:20,469 --> 01:08:22,467
to the list of countries
taking part?
1728
01:08:22,469 --> 01:08:24,634
(CLICKS TONGUE)
On one condition.
1729
01:08:24,636 --> 01:08:25,534
Let me guess.
1730
01:08:25,536 --> 01:08:28,267
You want fewer restrictions
on lumber.
1731
01:08:28,269 --> 01:08:29,603
I don't care about lumber.
1732
01:08:30,903 --> 01:08:32,436
I just want to dance.
1733
01:08:33,703 --> 01:08:34,870
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
1734
01:08:35,870 --> 01:08:36,934
Sure.
1735
01:08:36,936 --> 01:08:39,001
(SLOW TANGO MUSIC PLAYING)
1736
01:08:39,003 --> 01:08:40,870
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
1737
01:09:00,569 --> 01:09:01,636
Whoa! (CHUCKLES)
1738
01:09:02,836 --> 01:09:04,336
Wow.
1739
01:09:05,703 --> 01:09:06,934
You know
when you see something,
1740
01:09:06,936 --> 01:09:10,267
and it just looks right.
1741
01:09:10,269 --> 01:09:12,334
Like a Kangol hat
on Samuel L. Jackson.
1742
01:09:12,336 --> 01:09:13,336
MAGGIE: Mmm-hmm.
1743
01:09:14,703 --> 01:09:16,603
(MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO)
1744
01:09:22,971 --> 01:09:24,670
(WHISPERING)
I'm worthy of love.
1745
01:09:26,369 --> 01:09:27,703
I'm worthy of love.
1746
01:09:30,336 --> 01:09:31,636
What the fuck
are you saying?
1747
01:09:32,536 --> 01:09:33,536
Nothing.
1748
01:09:41,837 --> 01:09:43,837
(MUSIC STOPS)
1749
01:09:52,436 --> 01:09:53,771
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
1750
01:09:59,269 --> 01:10:00,603
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1751
01:10:06,704 --> 01:10:07,704
Bonjour, ma'am.
1752
01:10:27,504 --> 01:10:28,837
(LAUGHING)
1753
01:10:40,704 --> 01:10:41,704
Excuse me.
1754
01:10:43,771 --> 01:10:45,302
Agent E, look alive.
1755
01:11:00,871 --> 01:11:02,236
- Hi.
- Hey.
1756
01:11:03,004 --> 01:11:04,637
I hear you have
a crush on me.
1757
01:11:06,004 --> 01:11:07,370
I do. (CHUCKLES)
1758
01:11:08,937 --> 01:11:10,737
Kinda have
a crush on you, too.
1759
01:11:12,437 --> 01:11:13,604
Well, that's cool.
1760
01:11:16,871 --> 01:11:18,969
Hey, I know I asked earlier.
1761
01:11:18,971 --> 01:11:20,535
But, uh...
1762
01:11:20,537 --> 01:11:22,537
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1763
01:11:24,237 --> 01:11:25,570
Do you want to dance with me?
1764
01:11:28,404 --> 01:11:29,404
It's a dope song.
1765
01:11:30,570 --> 01:11:31,802
Really fucking good song.
1766
01:11:31,804 --> 01:11:32,935
Maybe the best song
ever written.
1767
01:11:32,937 --> 01:11:33,937
Yeah.
1768
01:11:42,437 --> 01:11:45,303
(SINGING ALONG)
1769
01:11:51,337 --> 01:11:53,504
(BOTH SINGING ALONG)
1770
01:12:26,004 --> 01:12:27,537
(SONG CONTINUES)
1771
01:13:07,380 --> 01:13:08,447
(GASPS)
1772
01:13:20,546 --> 01:13:22,178
I want you to
fuck me from behind
1773
01:13:22,180 --> 01:13:23,347
and slap my ass really hard.
1774
01:13:26,013 --> 01:13:27,211
What?
1775
01:13:27,213 --> 01:13:28,544
What?
1776
01:13:28,546 --> 01:13:30,810
Nothing. What,
did I say "what"?
1777
01:13:30,812 --> 01:13:32,111
Am I being too bossy?
1778
01:13:32,113 --> 01:13:34,876
No. No. No. No. Not at all.
No. No.
1779
01:13:34,878 --> 01:13:36,411
I am. I am.
I'm your boss all day,
1780
01:13:36,413 --> 01:13:37,278
and now I'm bossing you
in bed.
1781
01:13:37,280 --> 01:13:38,810
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it that way.
1782
01:13:38,812 --> 01:13:40,011
No. Not at all.
1783
01:13:40,013 --> 01:13:41,877
My brain, honestly, just went
into shock a little bit...
1784
01:13:41,879 --> 01:13:43,011
Yeah, but you hesitated.
1785
01:13:43,013 --> 01:13:46,044
No, it's just not how
I imagined you liking things.
1786
01:13:46,046 --> 01:13:49,144
You know what? We'll do exactly
what you were imagining.
1787
01:13:49,146 --> 01:13:51,144
And then you turn me around
and slap me on my ass
1788
01:13:51,146 --> 01:13:52,380
and then choke me
a little bit.
1789
01:13:53,146 --> 01:13:54,146
Oh, my God.
1790
01:13:58,813 --> 01:13:59,980
(EXHALES)
1791
01:14:01,879 --> 01:14:02,946
Whoa.
1792
01:14:12,946 --> 01:14:13,946
Frederick.
1793
01:14:14,546 --> 01:14:15,779
Margaret.
1794
01:14:20,546 --> 01:14:22,345
Hey, you forgot this...
Oh, fuck!
1795
01:14:22,347 --> 01:14:24,111
- Gross!
- Um...
1796
01:14:24,113 --> 01:14:25,445
I thought you guys
hated each other.
1797
01:14:25,447 --> 01:14:27,544
- We do hate each other.
- We do. Big time.
1798
01:14:27,546 --> 01:14:29,477
- We are also fucking.
- Ugh.
1799
01:14:29,479 --> 01:14:30,578
How long
have you been fucking?
1800
01:14:30,580 --> 01:14:31,911
That was probably 20 minutes.
1801
01:14:31,913 --> 01:14:32,978
Not right now!
1802
01:14:32,980 --> 01:14:35,178
- Oh.
- A lot of questions. Um, I...
1803
01:14:35,180 --> 01:14:36,345
I would say
anywhere between
1804
01:14:36,347 --> 01:14:38,211
two and five...
Three and a half times.
1805
01:14:38,213 --> 01:14:40,044
I would say on my end, five.
1806
01:14:40,046 --> 01:14:41,511
Three and a half sounds right.
1807
01:14:41,513 --> 01:14:43,877
I don't know how you're tallying that shit.
That's sick.
1808
01:14:43,879 --> 01:14:46,311
Okay, first of all,
there's a woman present.
1809
01:14:46,313 --> 01:14:47,944
There's a woman
in there, too?
1810
01:14:47,946 --> 01:14:49,844
- Excuse me.
- Easy.
1811
01:14:49,846 --> 01:14:51,044
- And I got it.
- Sorry.
1812
01:14:51,046 --> 01:14:52,411
- Again.
- Sorry, I'm...
1813
01:14:52,413 --> 01:14:54,278
A woman is present
and that woman is me.
1814
01:14:54,280 --> 01:14:55,877
- You?
- TOM: We're talking about her.
1815
01:14:55,879 --> 01:14:57,811
Trust me, I know, Fred.
1816
01:14:57,813 --> 01:14:58,877
Tom, I got this.
1817
01:14:58,879 --> 01:15:00,311
- Ugh!
- I'm gonna say goodnight.
1818
01:15:00,313 --> 01:15:01,511
You tuck that in.
Goodnight to you.
1819
01:15:01,513 --> 01:15:02,378
And I will take my leave.
1820
01:15:02,380 --> 01:15:05,412
No. No way.
I'm not touching that shit.
1821
01:15:05,414 --> 01:15:07,877
- It's not the worst instinct.
- Guys, just...
1822
01:15:07,879 --> 01:15:08,944
Those hands
have been places.
1823
01:15:08,946 --> 01:15:10,445
MAGGIE: Goodnight.
1824
01:15:10,447 --> 01:15:12,944
With France's commitment,
U.S. Secretary of State
1825
01:15:12,946 --> 01:15:16,312
Charlotte Field's noble
Rehabilitation Initiative
1826
01:15:16,314 --> 01:15:18,346
has secured the support
of 100 countries.
1827
01:15:18,348 --> 01:15:20,445
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- (GASPS)
1828
01:15:20,447 --> 01:15:21,712
The president
wants to talk to you.
1829
01:15:21,714 --> 01:15:24,844
We've set up the tent in the next
room, Madam Secretary.
1830
01:15:24,846 --> 01:15:26,113
Tell him hi.
1831
01:15:30,547 --> 01:15:33,178
Mr. President. Bonjour.
1832
01:15:33,180 --> 01:15:34,445
CHAMBERS: (ON VIDEO)
Charlie, bonjour.
1833
01:15:34,447 --> 01:15:38,011
Hey, what's this I hear about
an environmental treaty thing?
1834
01:15:38,013 --> 01:15:39,811
Oh, it's the Global
1835
01:15:39,813 --> 01:15:41,911
Rehabilitation Initiative,
sir.
1836
01:15:41,913 --> 01:15:44,411
It's been on your desk for the
last three weeks. (CHUCKLES)
1837
01:15:44,413 --> 01:15:46,511
Yeah, well,
we ran it up the flagpole
1838
01:15:46,513 --> 01:15:48,944
and it's ruffling
some feathers.
1839
01:15:48,946 --> 01:15:51,078
Sir, you are the flagpole.
1840
01:15:51,080 --> 01:15:54,511
There are actually quite a few
flagpoles in this joint.
1841
01:15:54,513 --> 01:15:56,279
We need you to revise it.
1842
01:15:56,281 --> 01:15:57,281
Sir?
1843
01:15:58,181 --> 01:16:00,281
We need you to kill the trees.
1844
01:16:04,281 --> 01:16:05,511
Why would he do that?
1845
01:16:05,513 --> 01:16:08,545
Because he's funded by a
bunch of fucking rich assholes
1846
01:16:08,547 --> 01:16:10,179
and I probably pissed
one of them off.
1847
01:16:10,181 --> 01:16:11,877
Can I just say
the optics of this
1848
01:16:11,879 --> 01:16:13,578
are actually
not that different?
1849
01:16:13,580 --> 01:16:15,378
The initiative still has
the same name.
1850
01:16:15,380 --> 01:16:17,145
It sounds
very impressive,
1851
01:16:17,147 --> 01:16:19,279
which is ultimately
all that matters.
1852
01:16:19,281 --> 01:16:21,979
I actually cared about this.
1853
01:16:21,981 --> 01:16:23,545
Now what am I
fucking left with? Bees?
1854
01:16:23,547 --> 01:16:24,877
I don't even like bees.
1855
01:16:24,879 --> 01:16:26,145
Do you have to
listen to him?
1856
01:16:26,147 --> 01:16:29,312
Yes. I have to listen to him.
1857
01:16:29,314 --> 01:16:32,145
Because unless he endorses me,
I won't win.
1858
01:16:32,147 --> 01:16:35,079
And this whole fucking show
would have been for nothing.
1859
01:16:35,081 --> 01:16:37,145
Well, maybe you don't need
his endorsement to win.
1860
01:16:37,147 --> 01:16:38,511
You know?
People are digging your shit.
1861
01:16:38,513 --> 01:16:40,179
And your numbers are good.
1862
01:16:40,181 --> 01:16:42,378
You know what, Fred?
She needs a little alone time.
1863
01:16:42,380 --> 01:16:43,912
Right, she probably just needs
a friend right now.
1864
01:16:43,914 --> 01:16:44,979
MAGGIE: Time to go, buddy.
1865
01:16:44,981 --> 01:16:46,845
CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God.
1866
01:16:46,847 --> 01:16:50,081
Maggie, just give me a second
alone with Fred, please.
1867
01:16:56,214 --> 01:16:57,214
(DOOR OPENS)
1868
01:16:59,281 --> 01:17:00,281
(DOOR CLOSES)
1869
01:17:33,356 --> 01:17:34,987
(CHARLOTTE SIGHS)
1870
01:17:34,989 --> 01:17:37,386
I don't wanna
do this job anymore.
1871
01:17:37,388 --> 01:17:38,455
I fuckin' hate it.
1872
01:17:39,356 --> 01:17:41,520
I mean, what's the point?
1873
01:17:41,522 --> 01:17:44,822
Every time I do something,
it just gets undone.
1874
01:17:45,388 --> 01:17:46,620
I'm sorry.
1875
01:17:46,622 --> 01:17:48,420
I just wanna be
a normal person
1876
01:17:48,422 --> 01:17:50,187
and not give a fuck
about anything
1877
01:17:50,189 --> 01:17:52,220
just like
the rest of the world.
1878
01:17:52,222 --> 01:17:54,287
Yeah, most people don't
give a shit about anything.
1879
01:17:54,289 --> 01:17:55,989
I bet it's really nice.
1880
01:17:57,156 --> 01:17:58,987
That's what I want.
1881
01:17:58,989 --> 01:18:01,089
I don't know
how to give that to you.
1882
01:18:04,522 --> 01:18:06,089
Let's get fucked up.
1883
01:18:06,488 --> 01:18:07,554
Fucked up?
1884
01:18:07,556 --> 01:18:10,020
- Yeah.
- Like a few beers fucked up
1885
01:18:10,022 --> 01:18:12,287
or more than that fucked up?
1886
01:18:12,289 --> 01:18:14,256
Like super fucked up.
1887
01:18:20,089 --> 01:18:22,554
I want to smoke
a Molly with you.
1888
01:18:22,556 --> 01:18:23,987
(SNORTS)
1889
01:18:23,989 --> 01:18:25,156
What?
1890
01:18:25,922 --> 01:18:27,654
That's not, um...
1891
01:18:27,656 --> 01:18:29,320
That's not
how you take it, but...
1892
01:18:29,322 --> 01:18:30,220
How do you take it?
1893
01:18:30,222 --> 01:18:32,087
It's a pill.
You take it in your mouth.
1894
01:18:32,089 --> 01:18:33,621
But I don't know
if you wanna do it.
1895
01:18:33,623 --> 01:18:34,953
Why not?
1896
01:18:34,955 --> 01:18:36,887
I just don't know
if it's a good idea.
1897
01:18:36,889 --> 01:18:40,256
As your boss, I'm ordering you
to get me a Molly.
1898
01:18:41,189 --> 01:18:42,356
Oh, man.
1899
01:19:12,356 --> 01:19:13,521
You good?
1900
01:19:13,523 --> 01:19:15,487
(ECHOING)
I don't feel anything.
1901
01:19:15,489 --> 01:19:17,487
You don't feel it?
1902
01:19:17,489 --> 01:19:19,287
No, I don't feel
a fucking thing.
1903
01:19:19,289 --> 01:19:22,090
Ooh! Wow.
1904
01:19:22,556 --> 01:19:25,088
...Was right.
1905
01:19:25,090 --> 01:19:28,987
Holy fuck...
1906
01:19:28,989 --> 01:19:30,321
(GRUNTING) No!
1907
01:19:30,323 --> 01:19:32,654
My jaw feels
really weird.
1908
01:19:32,656 --> 01:19:33,987
Yeah, that's the drugs.
1909
01:19:33,989 --> 01:19:35,587
Drugs love a jaw.
1910
01:19:35,589 --> 01:19:38,021
- I want more.
- No, no, no, no.
1911
01:19:38,023 --> 01:19:39,421
Maybe in like an hour.
1912
01:19:39,423 --> 01:19:41,123
We should do it now.
1913
01:19:45,057 --> 01:19:46,922
(FIREWORKS BURSTING)
1914
01:20:04,389 --> 01:20:06,256
(ALL CHEERING LOUDLY)
1915
01:20:09,956 --> 01:20:12,155
Yes, motherfuckers!
1916
01:20:12,157 --> 01:20:14,088
I could do this forever!
1917
01:20:14,090 --> 01:20:15,487
We're gonna.
1918
01:20:15,489 --> 01:20:17,988
I know I've been like...
1919
01:20:17,990 --> 01:20:20,220
I've been, like, playing it
pretty cool.
1920
01:20:20,222 --> 01:20:22,220
Like I've probably been
a little hard to read,
1921
01:20:22,222 --> 01:20:23,888
and I've been acting
kinda, like, aloof,
1922
01:20:23,890 --> 01:20:25,554
maybe like I don't
care that much.
1923
01:20:25,556 --> 01:20:28,988
But I don't wanna do that
anymore. I really like you.
1924
01:20:28,990 --> 01:20:31,287
You haven't been
playing it cool at all.
1925
01:20:31,289 --> 01:20:33,954
You just followed me
into the bathroom.
1926
01:20:33,956 --> 01:20:35,188
Yeah, to talk.
1927
01:20:35,190 --> 01:20:37,321
- I really like you, too!
- Really?
1928
01:20:37,323 --> 01:20:38,954
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1929
01:20:38,956 --> 01:20:40,921
(BOTH YELLING)
1930
01:20:40,923 --> 01:20:43,587
- Madam Secretary!
- Yeah! Whoa!
1931
01:20:43,589 --> 01:20:45,421
Madam Secretary!
Listen to me!
1932
01:20:45,423 --> 01:20:47,554
Dance with me,
Steven! Dance!
1933
01:20:47,556 --> 01:20:48,655
We have a situation.
1934
01:20:48,657 --> 01:20:50,023
- Huh?
- (SPEAKING INAUDIBLY)
1935
01:20:58,356 --> 01:21:00,220
- (STAMMERS)
- FRED: Yo.
1936
01:21:00,222 --> 01:21:03,254
How much longer is this
Molly stuff gonna last?
1937
01:21:03,256 --> 01:21:05,021
We just re-upped.
1938
01:21:05,023 --> 01:21:07,220
You kept saying you wanted
to take more, so we did.
1939
01:21:07,222 --> 01:21:10,289
So we have another
maybe four or five hours.
1940
01:21:11,457 --> 01:21:13,588
Yeah. Why?
1941
01:21:13,590 --> 01:21:15,422
I'm in so much trouble.
1942
01:21:15,424 --> 01:21:16,488
FRED: What's happening?
1943
01:21:16,490 --> 01:21:18,088
I'm gonna be
in so much trouble.
1944
01:21:18,090 --> 01:21:20,289
What's happening?
Are they outta water?
1945
01:21:21,156 --> 01:21:22,321
One of our U2s went down
1946
01:21:22,323 --> 01:21:25,220
while performing a standard
fly-over in Kashtari airspace.
1947
01:21:25,222 --> 01:21:26,321
The pilot was able to eject,
1948
01:21:26,323 --> 01:21:29,322
but it appears he was taken
by the Kashtari military.
1949
01:21:29,324 --> 01:21:31,021
Thank you, General.
1950
01:21:31,023 --> 01:21:32,522
Prime Minister Bharath
is refusing
1951
01:21:32,524 --> 01:21:35,021
to return the pilot
to United States custody.
1952
01:21:35,023 --> 01:21:36,988
He's personally hurt
by the many insults
1953
01:21:36,990 --> 01:21:38,488
hurled at him by POTUS.
1954
01:21:38,490 --> 01:21:40,388
Good job. All right.
1955
01:21:40,390 --> 01:21:41,923
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
1956
01:21:43,156 --> 01:21:44,457
It's gonna be okay
in there, right?
1957
01:21:45,424 --> 01:21:46,856
That's up to you, ma'am.
1958
01:21:48,090 --> 01:21:50,490
(EXHALES) Oh, God.
You got this.
1959
01:22:03,624 --> 01:22:05,490
(CLEARING THROAT)
1960
01:22:06,424 --> 01:22:07,555
(CLEARS THROAT)
1961
01:22:07,557 --> 01:22:10,089
I can hold onto your sunglasses for
you, if you'd like.
1962
01:22:10,091 --> 01:22:15,123
Oh, no. I have alopecia.
In both eyes.
1963
01:22:16,223 --> 01:22:18,223
(CLEARING THROAT LOUDLY)
1964
01:22:19,257 --> 01:22:20,324
(PHONE BEEPS)
1965
01:22:21,490 --> 01:22:22,954
Hello.
1966
01:22:22,956 --> 01:22:23,921
BHARATH: (LOUDLY ON PHONE)
Secretary Field!
1967
01:22:23,923 --> 01:22:25,022
CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God!
1968
01:22:25,024 --> 01:22:27,888
Hello, Bharath? Hey.
1969
01:22:27,890 --> 01:22:31,255
I hear we have
a situation here?
1970
01:22:31,257 --> 01:22:34,357
One that we both
probably want resolved.
1971
01:22:36,190 --> 01:22:38,622
Very quickly...
1972
01:22:38,624 --> 01:22:41,221
You're not going to bully me
this time, Madam Secretary.
1973
01:22:41,223 --> 01:22:42,922
Your man will stay here
1974
01:22:42,924 --> 01:22:45,889
until your president
personally apologizes to me.
1975
01:22:45,891 --> 01:22:46,891
Over Instagram.
1976
01:22:48,090 --> 01:22:51,057
- He won't do that.
- Yeah, no. Yes...
1977
01:22:52,157 --> 01:22:54,355
- (WHISPERS) Yo.
- Yes?
1978
01:22:54,357 --> 01:22:55,922
Can I level with you?
1979
01:22:55,924 --> 01:22:57,455
Can I fill you in
on something?
1980
01:22:57,457 --> 01:22:58,488
Go ahead.
1981
01:22:58,490 --> 01:23:00,155
Me and Charlotte,
we're fucked up right now.
1982
01:23:00,157 --> 01:23:01,088
We're on drugs.
1983
01:23:01,090 --> 01:23:02,622
First of all, I don't
wanna talk about that.
1984
01:23:02,624 --> 01:23:04,322
Why? We can't talk
about the drugs.
1985
01:23:04,324 --> 01:23:05,655
Do you know
we're on drugs?
1986
01:23:05,657 --> 01:23:08,190
I don't wanna talk
about that in this room.
1987
01:23:09,390 --> 01:23:10,557
- What's happening?
- (MOUTHING)
1988
01:23:12,024 --> 01:23:13,088
We're on drugs
right now.
1989
01:23:13,090 --> 01:23:15,155
(LAUGHING LOUDLY)
1990
01:23:15,157 --> 01:23:16,922
That's funny.
That's a funny joke!
1991
01:23:16,924 --> 01:23:18,889
FRED: What's a joke?
We're on fucking drugs...
1992
01:23:18,891 --> 01:23:20,121
(MOUTHING)
1993
01:23:20,123 --> 01:23:21,255
Are we going somewhere?
1994
01:23:21,257 --> 01:23:22,490
(MOUTHING)
1995
01:23:23,090 --> 01:23:24,989
What is that?
1996
01:23:24,991 --> 01:23:27,255
What is happening?
We're on drugs right now.
1997
01:23:27,257 --> 01:23:29,955
So you're admitting that
the United States government
1998
01:23:29,957 --> 01:23:32,188
ordered these planes
to spy on my country?
1999
01:23:32,190 --> 01:23:33,255
No.
2000
01:23:33,257 --> 01:23:34,422
(MOUTHS)
2001
01:23:34,424 --> 01:23:37,522
No! No! Of course not!
2002
01:23:37,524 --> 01:23:39,623
That's what it sounded like.
Face it.
2003
01:23:39,625 --> 01:23:40,855
You have no leverage here.
2004
01:23:40,857 --> 01:23:44,121
Match his aggression, Madam.
It's the only way out of this.
2005
01:23:44,123 --> 01:23:46,589
I don't know, he seems
really fucking pissed off.
2006
01:23:46,591 --> 01:23:48,088
Get more fucking pissed.
2007
01:23:48,090 --> 01:23:49,491
Let him know
who's really in charge.
2008
01:23:51,290 --> 01:23:52,824
- (GRUNTS)
- (BANGS)
2009
01:23:54,390 --> 01:23:56,090
(SOFTLY) Oh, my God,
that really hurt.
2010
01:23:57,324 --> 01:23:59,088
I gotta be honest,
I'm not...
2011
01:23:59,090 --> 01:24:02,288
I'm not feeling
all this aggression stuff.
2012
01:24:02,290 --> 01:24:05,955
I'm into more of,
like, a chilled vibe.
2013
01:24:05,957 --> 01:24:08,591
You know, just feeling...
2014
01:24:09,525 --> 01:24:11,458
God, are those Gauloises?
2015
01:24:12,458 --> 01:24:14,057
Just, I'm so...
2016
01:24:15,358 --> 01:24:17,824
I'm just gonna bum one.
2017
01:24:19,924 --> 01:24:21,221
Just give me one sec.
2018
01:24:21,223 --> 01:24:22,291
Don't worry.
2019
01:24:30,458 --> 01:24:31,523
Bharath.
2020
01:24:31,525 --> 01:24:33,258
- Hello?
- Listen.
2021
01:24:34,525 --> 01:24:36,458
Mmm. Mmm.
2022
01:24:38,157 --> 01:24:42,956
You and I are in
the same boat, my friend.
2023
01:24:43,525 --> 01:24:45,189
How is that the case?
2024
01:24:45,191 --> 01:24:46,589
We both have to
deal with my boss
2025
01:24:46,591 --> 01:24:49,988
and we both think
he is an asshole.
2026
01:24:49,990 --> 01:24:52,055
You also think
he's an asshole?
2027
01:24:52,057 --> 01:24:53,556
Oh, my God,
he's such an asshole.
2028
01:24:53,558 --> 01:24:55,423
His stupid fucking TV show
2029
01:24:55,425 --> 01:24:57,356
was like,
good for three episodes
2030
01:24:57,358 --> 01:24:59,222
and then it just didn't make
any sense.
2031
01:24:59,224 --> 01:25:01,358
(SIGHS) Fuck,
it feels good to say that.
2032
01:25:04,391 --> 01:25:05,391
Listen.
2033
01:25:07,558 --> 01:25:11,623
You need to keep this
on the real DL.
2034
01:25:11,625 --> 01:25:15,056
We both know
that the U.S. does not
2035
01:25:15,058 --> 01:25:18,189
negotiate with terrorists.
2036
01:25:18,191 --> 01:25:23,589
But, we do negotiate
with homies.
2037
01:25:23,591 --> 01:25:26,222
So if you give us
our guy back,
2038
01:25:26,224 --> 01:25:30,356
I'm gonna hook you up
with a sweet aid package.
2039
01:25:30,358 --> 01:25:33,389
So not only do you not have to
keep a guy hostage,
2040
01:25:33,391 --> 01:25:37,156
which is a pretty
shitty thing to do.
2041
01:25:37,158 --> 01:25:38,955
I mean, I've done it myself.
2042
01:25:38,957 --> 01:25:41,024
Don't tell anybody,
super classified.
2043
01:25:42,024 --> 01:25:43,623
It sucks, I hate it.
2044
01:25:43,625 --> 01:25:48,922
Yeah. So,
why don't we instead
2045
01:25:48,924 --> 01:25:52,589
save a ton of lives?
2046
01:25:52,591 --> 01:25:55,989
I mean, that's pretty
fucking awesome, right?
2047
01:25:55,991 --> 01:25:57,591
I think this is
a really good idea.
2048
01:26:01,058 --> 01:26:02,224
What do you say?
2049
01:26:04,957 --> 01:26:06,391
Ma'am.
2050
01:26:11,258 --> 01:26:13,456
Hostage saved, motherfuckers!
2051
01:26:13,458 --> 01:26:16,189
- Yeah, yeah!
- (BOTH CHEERING)
2052
01:26:16,191 --> 01:26:19,156
- She did it! She did it!
- She did it!
2053
01:26:19,158 --> 01:26:21,889
I'm here with Secretary
of State Charlotte Field.
2054
01:26:21,891 --> 01:26:24,323
Who, after a tense and
complicated negotiation
2055
01:26:24,325 --> 01:26:26,256
with Kashtar,
has secured the release
2056
01:26:26,258 --> 01:26:29,289
of the pilot of the U.S.
spy plane that went down
2057
01:26:29,291 --> 01:26:31,423
over Kashtari airspace.
2058
01:26:31,425 --> 01:26:33,489
I know, right.
(SOFTLY) Crazy.
2059
01:26:33,491 --> 01:26:34,557
REPORTER: And this is all
in the midst
2060
01:26:34,559 --> 01:26:37,156
of the success of
your environmental initiative,
2061
01:26:37,158 --> 01:26:40,590
which I understand has secured
the support of 100 countries.
2062
01:26:40,592 --> 01:26:42,156
- CHARLOTTE: Yes, um...
- Ooh, sore subject.
2063
01:26:42,158 --> 01:26:43,889
I'm very happy
to announce that
2064
01:26:43,891 --> 01:26:46,624
not only do I have the support
of those 100 countries,
2065
01:26:46,626 --> 01:26:49,323
but the president himself
called me personally
2066
01:26:49,325 --> 01:26:51,424
just to tell me how psyched
he is about this initiative...
2067
01:26:51,426 --> 01:26:54,390
- Did he call? Did he call?
- That didn't happen.
2068
01:26:54,392 --> 01:26:55,624
...don't change a word,
2069
01:26:55,626 --> 01:26:58,557
especially the part, uh,
with the trees.
2070
01:26:58,559 --> 01:27:00,189
- That's a lie.
- CHARLOTTE: So, all in all,
2071
01:27:00,191 --> 01:27:01,289
I'm just... Well,
2072
01:27:01,291 --> 01:27:04,222
I kinda feel like I'm just
kinda crushing it right now.
2073
01:27:04,224 --> 01:27:06,526
Thank you so much. So...
Thank you.
2074
01:27:07,224 --> 01:27:08,290
Thank you.
2075
01:27:08,292 --> 01:27:10,624
The incredible
Charlotte Field.
2076
01:27:10,626 --> 01:27:12,955
Who clearly still feels
the effects
2077
01:27:12,957 --> 01:27:16,257
of the intense all-night
hostage situation. (CHUCKLES)
2078
01:27:16,259 --> 01:27:18,492
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERS)
2079
01:27:28,559 --> 01:27:31,424
After negotiating the release
of Lieutenant Gary Smith...
2080
01:27:31,426 --> 01:27:33,357
Charlotte Field's popularity
continues to skyrocket...
2081
01:27:33,359 --> 01:27:35,089
In the newest Gallup poll,
68%...
2082
01:27:35,091 --> 01:27:38,390
...are women mentally unfit
to hold the presidency?
2083
01:27:38,392 --> 01:27:40,223
Here to chat about it
is Chris Brown,
2084
01:27:40,225 --> 01:27:42,590
Jeremy Piven,
and Brett Ratner.
2085
01:27:42,592 --> 01:27:45,390
In the wake of her successful
hostage negotiation,
2086
01:27:45,392 --> 01:27:47,590
Charlotte Field's poll numbers
keep going up.
2087
01:27:47,592 --> 01:27:48,955
MALE REPORTER:
I'd like to apologize
2088
01:27:48,957 --> 01:27:50,190
to Charlotte,
and anyone out there
2089
01:27:50,192 --> 01:27:53,426
who was upset yesterday when
I called her Booby-McBoobson.
2090
01:27:55,225 --> 01:27:56,426
Give me
the president's office.
2091
01:27:57,292 --> 01:27:59,357
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- Yep?
2092
01:27:59,359 --> 01:28:00,990
MAGGIE: Can I talk to you
for a second?
2093
01:28:00,992 --> 01:28:02,490
Of course.
2094
01:28:02,492 --> 01:28:04,457
We got some new polling that
I thought I'd share with you.
2095
01:28:04,459 --> 01:28:05,590
All right.
2096
01:28:05,592 --> 01:28:07,157
MAGGIE: It feels like
everything
2097
01:28:07,159 --> 01:28:08,390
is kinda falling into place
for us.
2098
01:28:08,392 --> 01:28:10,023
So we thought
we'd dig a little deeper
2099
01:28:10,025 --> 01:28:11,424
and make sure
there are no surprises.
2100
01:28:11,426 --> 01:28:13,157
- Why are you acting so weird?
- It's good.
2101
01:28:13,159 --> 01:28:15,059
We got some really
helpful feedback.
2102
01:28:16,292 --> 01:28:18,023
From the public.
2103
01:28:18,025 --> 01:28:21,290
So we asked
a thousand constituents
2104
01:28:21,292 --> 01:28:23,023
how they would feel
2105
01:28:23,025 --> 01:28:26,090
- if, say, Princess Di...
- CHARLOTTE: Hmm.
2106
01:28:26,092 --> 01:28:27,459
...if she were to
start dating
2107
01:28:28,359 --> 01:28:29,359
Guy Fieri.
2108
01:28:31,059 --> 01:28:32,956
I don't even know
who that is.
2109
01:28:32,958 --> 01:28:34,457
MAGGIE: They
don't like that.
2110
01:28:34,459 --> 01:28:37,057
- CHARLOTTE: Yeah.
- MAGGIE: Or Kate Middleton
2111
01:28:37,059 --> 01:28:39,257
were to start dating
Danny DeVito.
2112
01:28:39,259 --> 01:28:40,357
I see where you're
going with this.
2113
01:28:40,359 --> 01:28:41,657
Pretty negative reaction.
2114
01:28:41,659 --> 01:28:44,324
Or if Jennifer Lawrence
2115
01:28:44,326 --> 01:28:47,492
were to start dating this
potato in a teal windbreaker.
2116
01:28:48,559 --> 01:28:50,457
They would be very upset.
2117
01:28:50,459 --> 01:28:51,956
You did a lot of work,
2118
01:28:51,958 --> 01:28:53,923
- and I...
- Well, but, can I just finish?
2119
01:28:53,925 --> 01:28:56,157
No, that's, like, a lot of...
I get it.
2120
01:28:56,159 --> 01:28:58,057
Madam Secretary.
I have no desire
2121
01:28:58,059 --> 01:29:00,090
- to limit your romantic life.
- Good.
2122
01:29:00,092 --> 01:29:02,923
But the optics of you and Fred
2123
01:29:02,925 --> 01:29:05,390
will make a presidential run
very challenging.
2124
01:29:05,392 --> 01:29:06,625
Fred is a journalist.
2125
01:29:06,627 --> 01:29:08,956
Who's written some
extremely fucked-up stuff.
2126
01:29:08,958 --> 01:29:11,958
No. That's exposed some
really fucked-up stuff.
2127
01:29:13,092 --> 01:29:15,324
And I just want to know
for myself,
2128
01:29:15,326 --> 01:29:18,324
you're comfortable with putting
everything on the line for a hookup?
2129
01:29:18,326 --> 01:29:20,057
Oh, my God. (CHUCKLING)
2130
01:29:20,059 --> 01:29:21,223
Why are we having
this conversation?
2131
01:29:21,225 --> 01:29:22,558
This is insane.
2132
01:29:22,560 --> 01:29:25,457
I don't have to explain myself
to you.
2133
01:29:25,459 --> 01:29:27,190
I'm sorry. I really don't
understand this.
2134
01:29:27,192 --> 01:29:28,591
And I fucking love you,
Charlotte.
2135
01:29:28,593 --> 01:29:29,591
I want you to be happy.
2136
01:29:29,593 --> 01:29:31,190
But more than that,
I want you to be in charge.
2137
01:29:31,192 --> 01:29:33,123
And I want you
to be president.
2138
01:29:33,125 --> 01:29:35,259
For the sake of the future
of our country.
2139
01:29:39,259 --> 01:29:40,925
Look, there's another option.
2140
01:29:42,292 --> 01:29:43,591
There's a guy who works
for the Secret Service
2141
01:29:43,593 --> 01:29:47,657
whose job it is to handle
the mistresses...
2142
01:29:47,659 --> 01:29:49,223
Maggie. You're gonna
have to stop.
2143
01:29:49,225 --> 01:29:51,458
And there are a series
of tunnels in the White House
2144
01:29:51,460 --> 01:29:53,059
- that Woodrow Wilson...
- That's enough.
2145
01:29:55,327 --> 01:29:57,057
Fred is not an idea
2146
01:29:57,059 --> 01:29:59,491
that I'm floating by you
for your approval.
2147
01:29:59,493 --> 01:30:01,527
And you're getting very close
to crossing a line.
2148
01:30:07,260 --> 01:30:08,558
Okay. Got it.
2149
01:30:08,560 --> 01:30:09,992
Goodnight, Madam Secretary.
2150
01:30:11,460 --> 01:30:13,460
(INDISTINCT TV CHATTER)
2151
01:30:15,925 --> 01:30:18,023
When I grow up,
I want to be Charlotte Field.
2152
01:30:18,025 --> 01:30:19,391
Because she's smart and pretty
2153
01:30:19,393 --> 01:30:21,023
and she's going to be
president.
2154
01:30:21,025 --> 01:30:22,992
(SIGHS)
2155
01:30:24,327 --> 01:30:25,858
(BUZZER BUZZES)
2156
01:30:29,260 --> 01:30:32,091
I will be that
little girl's president.
2157
01:30:32,093 --> 01:30:35,325
Thank you,
and God bless America.
2158
01:30:35,327 --> 01:30:38,491
MAGGIE: Massive applause.
Massive cheering.
2159
01:30:38,493 --> 01:30:40,624
At that point, I think
the stage would descend,
2160
01:30:40,626 --> 01:30:44,425
right, and then Lil Uzi Vert
or Charli XCX
2161
01:30:44,427 --> 01:30:46,890
would join hands
with the Harlem Boys Choir...
2162
01:30:46,892 --> 01:30:48,558
Well, I said we'll figure
that out later.
2163
01:30:48,560 --> 01:30:50,458
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
2164
01:30:50,460 --> 01:30:51,991
Uh, Madam Secretary,
2165
01:30:51,993 --> 01:30:53,360
the president would like to
see you right now.
2166
01:30:54,093 --> 01:30:55,226
Shit.
2167
01:30:56,260 --> 01:30:57,325
Damn it!
2168
01:30:57,327 --> 01:30:58,592
The nation is at war!
2169
01:30:59,493 --> 01:31:00,691
I find myself torn.
2170
01:31:00,693 --> 01:31:05,291
Torn between my personal love
and my love of country...
2171
01:31:05,293 --> 01:31:06,957
Sir, is this a good time?
2172
01:31:06,959 --> 01:31:09,991
Oh, hi, Charlotte.
No, I'm just running lines.
2173
01:31:09,993 --> 01:31:11,024
- Oh.
- CHAMBERS: All right.
2174
01:31:11,026 --> 01:31:12,826
Clear the room. Everybody,
just Charlotte, please.
2175
01:31:14,226 --> 01:31:16,258
(INAUDIBLE)
2176
01:31:16,260 --> 01:31:17,260
Thanks.
2177
01:31:18,126 --> 01:31:19,360
(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)
2178
01:31:20,559 --> 01:31:22,193
Is everything okay, sir?
2179
01:31:23,260 --> 01:31:25,460
PARKER: Oh, look who it is.
2180
01:31:26,193 --> 01:31:28,991
She's here at last.
2181
01:31:28,993 --> 01:31:31,425
You gotta love that
secret door. Sit down.
2182
01:31:31,427 --> 01:31:32,826
(DOOR CLOSES)
2183
01:31:34,360 --> 01:31:35,891
(SIGHS)
2184
01:31:35,893 --> 01:31:37,391
This feels like an ambush.
2185
01:31:37,393 --> 01:31:39,425
Well, in the
entertainment world,
2186
01:31:39,427 --> 01:31:41,590
we call this a surprise
walk-on.
2187
01:31:41,592 --> 01:31:43,024
You see, Charlotte,
2188
01:31:43,026 --> 01:31:45,590
we have a number of
business interests
2189
01:31:45,592 --> 01:31:48,458
and that, you know,
may be gravely affected
2190
01:31:48,460 --> 01:31:50,425
by this agreement of yours.
2191
01:31:50,427 --> 01:31:52,924
Yeah. Uh, aside from
getting into film,
2192
01:31:52,926 --> 01:31:55,557
I'm looking to use
my connections as president
2193
01:31:55,559 --> 01:31:57,591
to expand
my investment portfolio.
2194
01:31:57,593 --> 01:32:00,258
Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher
type thing, you know.
2195
01:32:00,260 --> 01:32:03,191
I mean, that guy is killing
with acting and investing...
2196
01:32:03,193 --> 01:32:06,024
I think what the president
is trying to say,
2197
01:32:06,026 --> 01:32:08,924
is that the server farm
we want to build in Alaska
2198
01:32:08,926 --> 01:32:12,358
is sitting on 10 miles of land
which will now be
2199
01:32:12,360 --> 01:32:14,260
protected by your initiative.
2200
01:32:15,060 --> 01:32:16,325
Move your server farm.
2201
01:32:16,327 --> 01:32:18,191
PARKER: We want to
build it in Alaska.
2202
01:32:18,193 --> 01:32:19,957
There's plenty of room
for expansion.
2203
01:32:19,959 --> 01:32:22,924
Charlotte. I'm surprised
that it's come to this.
2204
01:32:22,926 --> 01:32:24,625
You're usually so agreeable.
2205
01:32:24,627 --> 01:32:27,058
But I watched you
undermine me
2206
01:32:27,060 --> 01:32:29,091
on TV the other day.
2207
01:32:29,093 --> 01:32:31,158
TV of all places.
2208
01:32:31,160 --> 01:32:33,191
That's my medium. All right?
2209
01:32:33,193 --> 01:32:36,891
You used TV against me!
2210
01:32:36,893 --> 01:32:39,359
That was your first mistake.
2211
01:32:39,361 --> 01:32:42,292
Look, I'm about to give you
the easiest ultimatum
2212
01:32:42,294 --> 01:32:44,361
that you're ever,
ever gonna receive.
2213
01:32:46,160 --> 01:32:47,891
Drop the tree thing.
2214
01:32:47,893 --> 01:32:50,326
- Or?
- PARKER: Or...
2215
01:32:50,328 --> 01:32:56,326
We will release the content
of your friend's hard drive.
2216
01:32:56,328 --> 01:32:59,058
We found
a lot of interesting stuff
2217
01:32:59,060 --> 01:33:00,658
when we hacked
into his webcam.
2218
01:33:00,660 --> 01:33:02,926
Now here is a little taster.
2219
01:33:06,126 --> 01:33:09,225
Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred.
2220
01:33:09,227 --> 01:33:11,058
Uh, you want
to come to my room
2221
01:33:11,060 --> 01:33:13,225
and have sex with me
really fast?
2222
01:33:13,227 --> 01:33:16,326
Oh no, don't worry. I'll find
ways to kill time today.
2223
01:33:16,328 --> 01:33:18,125
It's cool. Just let me know
when you're back.
2224
01:33:18,127 --> 01:33:19,194
Great.
2225
01:33:20,328 --> 01:33:21,525
(HANGS UP PHONE)
2226
01:33:21,527 --> 01:33:23,591
(FORWARDING)
2227
01:33:23,593 --> 01:33:25,359
CHARLOTTE: (ON VIDEO)
...important to me.
2228
01:33:25,361 --> 01:33:27,991
That's a good speech.
2229
01:33:27,993 --> 01:33:29,991
CHARLOTTE: The band of misfits
fight back...
2230
01:33:29,993 --> 01:33:31,893
- Nice dress.
- ...against the bullies.
2231
01:33:33,227 --> 01:33:34,425
Never giving up.
2232
01:33:34,427 --> 01:33:35,558
Never laying down.
2233
01:33:35,560 --> 01:33:37,094
(FORWARDING)
2234
01:33:38,627 --> 01:33:40,125
CHARLOTTE: In high school,
2235
01:33:40,127 --> 01:33:41,394
I would talk about
the underdog a lot.
2236
01:33:43,660 --> 01:33:46,392
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox
2237
01:33:46,394 --> 01:33:49,125
rambling on and on
about the injustices
2238
01:33:49,127 --> 01:33:50,294
of the world.
2239
01:33:52,460 --> 01:33:54,192
Which makes you
extremely popular...
2240
01:33:54,194 --> 01:33:55,925
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
2241
01:33:55,927 --> 01:33:57,491
...especially when everybody
would rather be watching
2242
01:33:57,493 --> 01:33:59,259
Beverly Hills, 90210.
2243
01:33:59,261 --> 01:34:01,225
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
2244
01:34:01,227 --> 01:34:03,094
(CHARLOTTE CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
2245
01:34:07,094 --> 01:34:09,092
Oh, wow.
2246
01:34:09,094 --> 01:34:11,227
(CHARLOTTE CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
2247
01:34:14,094 --> 01:34:15,894
Oh, boy!
2248
01:34:18,927 --> 01:34:21,525
Oh, no...
2249
01:34:21,527 --> 01:34:22,992
Yucky.
2250
01:34:22,994 --> 01:34:25,292
(CHARLOTTE SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY ON VIDEO)
2251
01:34:25,294 --> 01:34:26,358
FRED: (ON VIDEO) Oh, boy!
2252
01:34:26,360 --> 01:34:28,061
What the fuck?
2253
01:34:29,393 --> 01:34:34,358
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry this happened.
2254
01:34:34,360 --> 01:34:36,092
- You don't have to be sorry.
- What do we do?
2255
01:34:36,094 --> 01:34:38,092
This is what everyone
was afraid was gonna happen,
2256
01:34:38,094 --> 01:34:39,159
because of me.
2257
01:34:39,161 --> 01:34:40,592
And now it's happening
because of me.
2258
01:34:40,594 --> 01:34:41,892
- Do I get a publicist?
- No.
2259
01:34:41,894 --> 01:34:43,125
- Do I do a publicity tour?
- Stop.
2260
01:34:43,127 --> 01:34:44,292
Do we have
a press conference?
2261
01:34:44,294 --> 01:34:47,261
Fred, listen to me.
I took the deal.
2262
01:34:48,894 --> 01:34:49,958
What?
2263
01:34:49,960 --> 01:34:51,292
We scratched the tree thing
2264
01:34:51,294 --> 01:34:53,892
and I have a real shot
at becoming president.
2265
01:34:53,894 --> 01:34:58,992
And some billionaire
motherfucker
2266
01:34:58,994 --> 01:35:02,925
gets to blackmail you?
Using me?
2267
01:35:02,927 --> 01:35:05,192
Doing something
that everybody does?
2268
01:35:05,194 --> 01:35:07,192
Out of a policy
that you cared about,
2269
01:35:07,194 --> 01:35:08,659
since you were
in middle school.
2270
01:35:08,661 --> 01:35:10,391
Since I've known you,
you've cared about this.
2271
01:35:10,393 --> 01:35:11,992
And now you're just gonna
get rid of it?
2272
01:35:11,994 --> 01:35:16,192
I'm trying to compromise here
for a bigger goal.
2273
01:35:16,194 --> 01:35:17,325
Well, I don't think
you should right now.
2274
01:35:17,327 --> 01:35:18,426
Oh, my God!
2275
01:35:18,428 --> 01:35:20,025
Of course
you don't think I should.
2276
01:35:20,027 --> 01:35:22,025
You never compromise
for anything in your life,
2277
01:35:22,027 --> 01:35:23,659
which gives you
the perfect excuse to fail.
2278
01:35:23,661 --> 01:35:26,559
Well, it's better than
maybe bending over backwards
2279
01:35:26,561 --> 01:35:28,025
for anyone who asked,
2280
01:35:28,027 --> 01:35:29,459
to the point that
you don't even know
2281
01:35:29,461 --> 01:35:31,059
why the fuck you're doing
this shit anymore!
2282
01:35:31,061 --> 01:35:32,659
In my world,
in order to achieve
2283
01:35:32,661 --> 01:35:34,592
what I'm trying to achieve,
I have to compromise.
2284
01:35:34,594 --> 01:35:35,659
Oh, why,
because you're a woman?
2285
01:35:35,661 --> 01:35:37,059
Yeah, motherfucker.
2286
01:35:37,061 --> 01:35:38,292
Okay, that makes sense.
2287
01:35:38,294 --> 01:35:40,892
And because I'm not giving up
everything I've ever wanted
2288
01:35:40,894 --> 01:35:43,192
just because it doesn't
live up to your moral code.
2289
01:35:43,194 --> 01:35:45,459
I don't care if this tape
comes out. I really don't.
2290
01:35:45,461 --> 01:35:47,492
- Oh, my God, Fred.
- I'll be okay.
2291
01:35:47,494 --> 01:35:49,361
You don't have to
do this for me.
2292
01:35:51,394 --> 01:35:53,262
You're not doing this for me.
2293
01:35:54,461 --> 01:35:55,992
(SCOFFS) Obviously.
2294
01:35:55,994 --> 01:35:59,925
Look, you and I both know
2295
01:35:59,927 --> 01:36:01,892
the woman who stands
beside the guy
2296
01:36:01,894 --> 01:36:04,226
that's coming on his face
gets way more scrutiny
2297
01:36:04,228 --> 01:36:07,226
than the guy who's actually
coming on his face.
2298
01:36:07,228 --> 01:36:08,992
Don't know if that's
happened enough
2299
01:36:08,994 --> 01:36:10,559
for there to be, like,
a precedent for it.
2300
01:36:10,561 --> 01:36:13,259
So, who knows? Maybe that
won't be the case this time.
2301
01:36:13,261 --> 01:36:15,060
Who knows? Maybe people
will think it's romantic.
2302
01:36:15,062 --> 01:36:16,592
I'm jerking...
I'm jerking off to you.
2303
01:36:16,594 --> 01:36:18,226
You don't know how people
are gonna react.
2304
01:36:18,228 --> 01:36:20,228
I'm not taking that risk.
2305
01:36:21,394 --> 01:36:22,894
(SIGHS)
2306
01:36:24,195 --> 01:36:25,261
I can't do it.
2307
01:36:26,661 --> 01:36:28,128
Okay.
2308
01:36:34,195 --> 01:36:38,062
So the video doesn't come out,
what happens to us?
2309
01:36:43,394 --> 01:36:47,559
I was talking to Maggie,
and she knows
2310
01:36:47,561 --> 01:36:50,026
this consultant who could
scrub your history.
2311
01:36:50,028 --> 01:36:51,559
We could make sure
nothing else like this
2312
01:36:51,561 --> 01:36:53,928
pops up and surprises us.
2313
01:36:54,461 --> 01:36:55,626
And then we just...
2314
01:36:55,628 --> 01:36:57,060
We work on your image,
2315
01:36:57,062 --> 01:36:58,993
and we figure out
how we want to
2316
01:36:58,995 --> 01:37:01,459
present ourselves
as a couple to the public.
2317
01:37:01,461 --> 01:37:02,594
That's all.
2318
01:37:07,895 --> 01:37:10,026
- Okay.
- Okay.
2319
01:37:10,028 --> 01:37:11,192
How long...
How long will it take,
2320
01:37:11,194 --> 01:37:14,160
do you think, to create
2321
01:37:14,162 --> 01:37:17,060
an image of me that we can
present to the public?
2322
01:37:17,062 --> 01:37:20,627
Just through the first couple
months of the campaign.
2323
01:37:20,629 --> 01:37:23,192
You think? But you don't
know that, right?
2324
01:37:23,194 --> 01:37:24,492
It could take longer
than that.
2325
01:37:24,494 --> 01:37:26,893
In a couple of months,
you could find that it's not a good moment
2326
01:37:26,895 --> 01:37:29,426
to introduce
a new boyfriend, right?
2327
01:37:29,428 --> 01:37:31,627
And then we'd have to wait
a couple more months.
2328
01:37:31,629 --> 01:37:34,227
I don't know how long
it's gonna take, Fred.
2329
01:37:35,095 --> 01:37:37,359
And then meanwhile,
2330
01:37:37,361 --> 01:37:39,261
you're pretending
not to date me.
2331
01:37:40,428 --> 01:37:43,292
And you're scrubbing
my Internet history?
2332
01:37:43,294 --> 01:37:45,060
So my articles are gone.
2333
01:37:45,062 --> 01:37:46,993
And you, like, sneak me around
2334
01:37:46,995 --> 01:37:48,959
like I'm Marilyn Monroe
and you're JFK?
2335
01:37:48,961 --> 01:37:50,126
Is that what
we're talking about?
2336
01:37:50,128 --> 01:37:53,259
I just want to be clear,
that's what we're talking about.
2337
01:37:53,261 --> 01:37:55,595
And we have to do that
because I'm...
2338
01:37:57,128 --> 01:37:58,294
...not right.
2339
01:38:00,128 --> 01:38:02,893
And then once we present us
to the world,
2340
01:38:02,895 --> 01:38:07,429
we present a version of me
that isn't... actually me?
2341
01:38:11,128 --> 01:38:12,194
Yeah.
2342
01:38:15,529 --> 01:38:16,595
(FRED SIGHS)
2343
01:38:21,562 --> 01:38:22,995
I can't do it.
2344
01:38:25,127 --> 01:38:27,226
I wish
2345
01:38:27,228 --> 01:38:30,329
that I was the type of person
that could, but I can't.
2346
01:38:39,495 --> 01:38:41,095
You don't have to do it.
2347
01:39:02,195 --> 01:39:04,193
FRED: Don't know what the fuck
I was thinking.
2348
01:39:04,195 --> 01:39:08,126
Why the fuck
I thought someone like her
2349
01:39:08,128 --> 01:39:09,959
and someone like me
could work?
2350
01:39:09,961 --> 01:39:13,093
She's a fucking politician.
Like, I don't even know her.
2351
01:39:13,095 --> 01:39:15,660
Like, I don't know who she is.
2352
01:39:15,662 --> 01:39:18,627
She has no moral compass.
2353
01:39:18,629 --> 01:39:21,293
She's working with fucking
Democrats one day,
2354
01:39:21,295 --> 01:39:22,927
Republicans the next
fucking day.
2355
01:39:22,929 --> 01:39:23,994
I mean, what's wrong
with working
2356
01:39:23,996 --> 01:39:25,360
with Democrats
and Republicans?
2357
01:39:25,362 --> 01:39:27,093
That's...
That's the whole country.
2358
01:39:27,095 --> 01:39:30,293
Uh, yeah,
except fuck Republicans,
2359
01:39:30,295 --> 01:39:31,960
I guess is the problem
with that.
2360
01:39:31,962 --> 01:39:35,360
Speaking as an American,
shouldn't you see both sides?
2361
01:39:35,362 --> 01:39:38,160
Yeah. I see
one side's fucking wrong.
2362
01:39:38,162 --> 01:39:40,660
- (SCOFFS)
- What's the problem here?
2363
01:39:40,662 --> 01:39:42,327
I'm a Republican.
2364
01:39:42,329 --> 01:39:44,093
You're fucking joking
right now.
2365
01:39:44,095 --> 01:39:47,293
Member of the GOP!
Yeah, you know me.
2366
01:39:47,295 --> 01:39:48,627
You're a Republican.
2367
01:39:48,629 --> 01:39:49,527
Yeah, I'm a Republican!
2368
01:39:49,529 --> 01:39:51,994
The shit has worked out
so far for me.
2369
01:39:51,996 --> 01:39:53,560
What the fuck, man?
2370
01:39:53,562 --> 01:39:55,093
All that shit
you're always saying to me!
2371
01:39:55,095 --> 01:39:56,293
- Yeah.
- Pull yourself up
2372
01:39:56,295 --> 01:39:58,960
by your bootstraps. And being
in charge of your own destiny.
2373
01:39:58,962 --> 01:40:01,193
- Republican shit.
- Oh, and it worked on me.
2374
01:40:01,195 --> 01:40:02,927
And it works
on a lot of people.
2375
01:40:02,929 --> 01:40:04,093
Oh, that's fucking sick.
2376
01:40:04,095 --> 01:40:05,193
That's right.
2377
01:40:05,195 --> 01:40:06,560
Ugh! That's gross!
2378
01:40:06,562 --> 01:40:08,493
That Republican shit,
you put it in my brain
2379
01:40:08,495 --> 01:40:10,593
and it made me feel good.
That's fucked up, man!
2380
01:40:10,595 --> 01:40:12,060
Come on. See, this is what
I'm talking about,
2381
01:40:12,062 --> 01:40:13,160
your negative way of thinking.
2382
01:40:13,162 --> 01:40:14,427
I don't even know you!
2383
01:40:14,429 --> 01:40:15,293
- What do you mean?
- Ugh!
2384
01:40:15,295 --> 01:40:16,894
I'm the same dude
from two minutes ago.
2385
01:40:16,896 --> 01:40:17,960
Your best friend.
2386
01:40:17,962 --> 01:40:19,193
Why'd you never tell me this?
2387
01:40:19,195 --> 01:40:21,327
'Cause I knew you'd act exactly
how you're acting right now.
2388
01:40:21,329 --> 01:40:22,994
Wait a minute.
2389
01:40:22,996 --> 01:40:25,493
You're always talking about how, like,
the universe has a plan for all of us...
2390
01:40:25,495 --> 01:40:26,460
Take it easy.
2391
01:40:26,462 --> 01:40:28,393
There's someone watching
over us at all times.
2392
01:40:28,395 --> 01:40:30,360
- Yeah.
- Does that mean...
2393
01:40:30,362 --> 01:40:31,496
I'm a man of Christian faith.
2394
01:40:32,095 --> 01:40:34,126
What the fuck!
2395
01:40:34,128 --> 01:40:35,628
Now, come on now!
We pray for you!
2396
01:40:35,630 --> 01:40:37,126
Don't pray for me! Keep it!
2397
01:40:37,128 --> 01:40:39,193
- Lord.
- Oh, stop it. Ignore him, God!
2398
01:40:39,195 --> 01:40:41,160
- He doesn't mean that.
- Don't pray for me!
2399
01:40:41,162 --> 01:40:42,327
You are trippin' right now.
2400
01:40:42,329 --> 01:40:43,393
I'm not fucking trippin'!
How could you be Christian?
2401
01:40:43,395 --> 01:40:48,093
I wear this cross, every day,
since you've known me!
2402
01:40:48,095 --> 01:40:49,260
What did you think it was for?
2403
01:40:49,262 --> 01:40:51,661
I thought it was... (SIGHS)
2404
01:40:51,663 --> 01:40:53,226
...a cultural thing.
2405
01:40:53,228 --> 01:40:54,962
You mean like,
'cause I'm black?
2406
01:40:56,295 --> 01:40:57,430
That's what
I thought, yeah.
2407
01:40:58,095 --> 01:40:59,160
That might be.
2408
01:40:59,162 --> 01:41:01,394
But that don't mean
what you said ain't racist.
2409
01:41:01,396 --> 01:41:03,461
- You're right.
- Yeah, I know I'm right!
2410
01:41:03,463 --> 01:41:05,126
- Fuck.
- That's racist as shit!
2411
01:41:05,128 --> 01:41:06,361
All right, dude...
2412
01:41:06,363 --> 01:41:08,226
I love you, man.
2413
01:41:08,228 --> 01:41:11,226
But you're very judgmental.
They don't want politics
2414
01:41:11,228 --> 01:41:13,361
to get into this,
because you've never really
2415
01:41:13,363 --> 01:41:15,160
been good at looking at shit
2416
01:41:15,162 --> 01:41:17,026
from other people's
perspective, Fred.
2417
01:41:17,028 --> 01:41:18,461
- I know.
- It might explain
2418
01:41:18,463 --> 01:41:21,194
why you haven't been able to look
at this through Charlotte's eyes.
2419
01:41:21,196 --> 01:41:22,261
I'm sorry.
2420
01:41:22,263 --> 01:41:24,194
I'm sorry you couldn't be
who you are around me,
2421
01:41:24,196 --> 01:41:26,594
and you had to
hide your true self.
2422
01:41:26,596 --> 01:41:27,927
That's really fucked up.
2423
01:41:27,929 --> 01:41:28,993
That's all right, man.
2424
01:41:28,995 --> 01:41:32,927
But my love for the GOP
and the G-O-D
2425
01:41:32,929 --> 01:41:34,661
has nothing to do with us.
2426
01:41:34,663 --> 01:41:36,594
I'm racist.
You're a Republican.
2427
01:41:36,596 --> 01:41:39,026
I don't know
what the fuck's going on.
2428
01:41:39,028 --> 01:41:40,394
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
2429
01:41:40,396 --> 01:41:42,561
JAMES: Polls suggested
I should get into yoga,
2430
01:41:42,563 --> 01:41:44,261
which I did and it turns out,
2431
01:41:44,263 --> 01:41:45,561
I don't really like yoga.
2432
01:41:45,563 --> 01:41:49,027
Don't you sometimes just wish
you could say,
2433
01:41:49,029 --> 01:41:50,227
"Fuck the polls"?
2434
01:41:50,229 --> 01:41:55,528
Well, polls say that people
find my laugh unattractive.
2435
01:41:55,530 --> 01:41:57,328
So I shouldn't laugh
in public.
2436
01:41:57,330 --> 01:41:58,461
That was a bit of a bummer,
2437
01:41:58,463 --> 01:42:00,960
because I really,
I like to laugh.
2438
01:42:00,962 --> 01:42:02,394
- A lot.
- Hmm.
2439
01:42:02,396 --> 01:42:04,528
Um, but we came up
with another laugh
2440
01:42:04,530 --> 01:42:06,261
that was better.
That's more, uh...
2441
01:42:06,263 --> 01:42:08,094
- Presidential, I guess.
- Hmm.
2442
01:42:08,096 --> 01:42:09,628
(LAUGHING)
2443
01:42:09,630 --> 01:42:10,628
That's good.
2444
01:42:10,630 --> 01:42:12,261
It's a lot of teeth
and not too much sound.
2445
01:42:12,263 --> 01:42:14,927
- Yeah.
- (SLURPS) Mmm.
2446
01:42:14,929 --> 01:42:17,094
So, um, after dinner,
2447
01:42:17,096 --> 01:42:18,661
how about we go
for a drink somewhere?
2448
01:42:18,663 --> 01:42:19,927
Ooh.
2449
01:42:19,929 --> 01:42:23,094
I know this great little place
that's not too far from here.
2450
01:42:23,096 --> 01:42:25,428
It's called Mini Bar.
2451
01:42:25,430 --> 01:42:29,628
It's quite exclusive, you need
a little key to access it.
2452
01:42:29,630 --> 01:42:33,927
And you get charged
as you remove the bottle.
2453
01:42:33,929 --> 01:42:35,528
- Hmm.
- It's actually more of
2454
01:42:35,530 --> 01:42:37,261
a small fridge than a bar.
2455
01:42:37,263 --> 01:42:39,127
- And it's in my room...
- No, I get it.
2456
01:42:39,129 --> 01:42:40,561
I'm inviting you
back to my room.
2457
01:42:40,563 --> 01:42:43,229
- I...
- (HIGH-PITCHED LAUGH)
2458
01:42:45,229 --> 01:42:47,294
- That was my real laugh.
- Mmm!
2459
01:42:47,296 --> 01:42:48,428
- (CHUCKLING)
- I don't know why
2460
01:42:48,430 --> 01:42:50,830
they told you
not to use that laugh.
2461
01:42:52,229 --> 01:42:53,363
- It's...
- (SLURPS LOUDLY)
2462
01:43:00,163 --> 01:43:02,061
Big day tomorrow,
Madam Secretary.
2463
01:43:02,063 --> 01:43:04,428
(CAR RADIO
PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
2464
01:43:04,430 --> 01:43:06,296
Yeah. Big day.
2465
01:43:25,063 --> 01:43:26,294
(SIGHS)
2466
01:43:26,296 --> 01:43:28,597
Okay. "Hey, it's Fred."
2467
01:43:37,597 --> 01:43:39,464
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
2468
01:43:51,996 --> 01:43:53,063
Hello?
2469
01:43:54,664 --> 01:43:56,262
Beep.
2470
01:43:56,264 --> 01:43:58,597
Oh, uh, guess I got
your voicemail. Um, hi.
2471
01:43:59,431 --> 01:44:01,662
It's Fred.
2472
01:44:01,664 --> 01:44:05,127
I guess I wanna start
by saying I'm really sorry.
2473
01:44:05,129 --> 01:44:07,228
You were right
about everything
2474
01:44:07,230 --> 01:44:09,331
and I was wrong
about everything.
2475
01:44:11,029 --> 01:44:15,395
And we should go along
with the plan.
2476
01:44:15,397 --> 01:44:19,029
I can be Marilyn.
I can be your Marilyn.
2477
01:44:19,996 --> 01:44:21,495
I'd rather be
your Lady Bird,
2478
01:44:21,497 --> 01:44:25,097
because, you know,
LBJ put a ring on that finger.
2479
01:44:25,597 --> 01:44:27,027
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
2480
01:44:27,029 --> 01:44:30,429
But I would do anything
to continue,
2481
01:44:30,431 --> 01:44:32,130
to be able to be with you.
2482
01:44:35,962 --> 01:44:37,130
Okay, bye.
2483
01:44:48,997 --> 01:44:49,997
(KNOCK ON DOOR, DOOR OPENS)
2484
01:44:51,464 --> 01:44:53,195
So, we're losing
the trees, huh?
2485
01:44:53,197 --> 01:44:56,128
Yeah. POTUS talked me
out of it.
2486
01:44:56,130 --> 01:44:58,395
I know that meant
a lot to you. I'm so sorry.
2487
01:44:58,397 --> 01:45:00,262
Hmm, nothing we can do
about it.
2488
01:45:00,264 --> 01:45:01,662
We need his endorsement.
2489
01:45:01,664 --> 01:45:03,997
- Yep.
- Yep.
2490
01:45:06,664 --> 01:45:09,097
And I am sorry
about you and Fred.
2491
01:45:12,230 --> 01:45:15,395
You know,
he called last night.
2492
01:45:15,397 --> 01:45:17,529
He said he'd do it,
he'd go along with the plan.
2493
01:45:17,531 --> 01:45:20,928
(EXHALES) Really? Wow.
2494
01:45:20,930 --> 01:45:23,030
That's a shock.
2495
01:45:24,464 --> 01:45:28,195
Um... Okay.
2496
01:45:28,197 --> 01:45:29,595
I'll... I'll start
to make arrangements.
2497
01:45:29,597 --> 01:45:30,597
No, Maggie.
2498
01:45:31,464 --> 01:45:33,062
There's nothing to do.
2499
01:45:33,064 --> 01:45:35,030
At the end of the day,
it was never gonna work.
2500
01:45:37,930 --> 01:45:41,095
Well, today is
such a good day,
2501
01:45:41,097 --> 01:45:43,062
and I am so excited.
2502
01:45:43,064 --> 01:45:44,529
We should be psyched.
2503
01:45:44,531 --> 01:45:47,128
So psyched. (CHUCKLES)
2504
01:45:47,130 --> 01:45:49,262
All right,
I will see you out there.
2505
01:45:49,264 --> 01:45:50,331
All right.
2506
01:46:09,498 --> 01:46:10,863
LANCE: Hey, man.
2507
01:46:11,532 --> 01:46:12,598
Can I get a beer?
2508
01:46:14,197 --> 01:46:17,362
- Thanks for coming.
- No problem, bro.
2509
01:46:17,364 --> 01:46:19,995
How you feelin' though?
2510
01:46:19,997 --> 01:46:22,028
(EXHALES) Okay, you know,
you were right.
2511
01:46:22,030 --> 01:46:23,228
I called her.
2512
01:46:23,230 --> 01:46:25,062
I left a message.
She didn't call me back.
2513
01:46:25,064 --> 01:46:27,095
So... Whatever.
2514
01:46:27,097 --> 01:46:28,432
Sure you wanna watch this?
2515
01:46:29,398 --> 01:46:30,830
Yeah, I have to.
2516
01:46:33,097 --> 01:46:35,662
Madam Secretary,
I'd like to introduce you
2517
01:46:35,664 --> 01:46:36,596
to Lil Yachty.
2518
01:46:36,598 --> 01:46:38,496
He's going to be
performing after the speech.
2519
01:46:38,498 --> 01:46:40,028
Pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Yachty.
2520
01:46:40,030 --> 01:46:42,363
I'm a big-ass fan. I'm so
excited to vote for you.
2521
01:46:42,365 --> 01:46:44,432
- I'm sorry, it's game time.
- (CLEARS THROAT) Okay.
2522
01:46:46,897 --> 01:46:48,930
- (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
- (AUDIENCE CHEERING)
2523
01:46:56,498 --> 01:46:58,398
(CHEERING CONTINUES ON TV)
2524
01:47:02,465 --> 01:47:04,163
Good morning!
2525
01:47:04,165 --> 01:47:07,131
Thank you, everyone,
for being here with me today.
2526
01:47:08,398 --> 01:47:09,995
Let me start
by saying something
2527
01:47:09,997 --> 01:47:12,363
I haven't said since I was 16
2528
01:47:12,365 --> 01:47:14,430
and worked
at Blockbuster Video.
2529
01:47:14,432 --> 01:47:16,332
(LAUGHTER)
2530
01:47:16,664 --> 01:47:17,961
I quit...
2531
01:47:17,963 --> 01:47:20,096
- (CHUCKLES)
- I helped write that joke.
2532
01:47:20,098 --> 01:47:21,296
Oh, yeah?
That's a good joke.
2533
01:47:21,298 --> 01:47:23,396
...as secretary of state,
2534
01:47:23,398 --> 01:47:25,029
in order to run
2535
01:47:25,031 --> 01:47:28,196
for president of
the United States of America.
2536
01:47:28,198 --> 01:47:30,131
(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
2537
01:47:31,398 --> 01:47:33,332
(CHUCKLING) God bless.
2538
01:47:36,165 --> 01:47:38,662
And I'm honored
2539
01:47:38,664 --> 01:47:42,396
to have the full support
of President Chambers,
2540
01:47:42,398 --> 01:47:45,096
a man I greatly admire.
2541
01:47:45,098 --> 01:47:48,463
A man who is
an extraordinary leader.
2542
01:47:48,465 --> 01:47:50,332
Man, you know
who you should date?
2543
01:47:51,532 --> 01:47:53,065
Taylor Swift.
2544
01:47:54,231 --> 01:47:56,229
Hell, yeah.
I could see that.
2545
01:47:56,231 --> 01:48:00,163
Why... Why do you think
I could date Taylor Swift?
2546
01:48:00,165 --> 01:48:01,962
Fred, you were dating
Charlotte Field.
2547
01:48:01,964 --> 01:48:03,463
That's the most powerful woman
on Earth!
2548
01:48:03,465 --> 01:48:04,996
Oh, I get it.
2549
01:48:04,998 --> 01:48:07,098
I don't know what me and
Taylor Swift have in common.
2550
01:48:08,332 --> 01:48:12,263
Y'all white. Ya ain't got
a care in the world.
2551
01:48:12,265 --> 01:48:13,496
That's true.
2552
01:48:13,498 --> 01:48:15,465
But this campaign
is not about me.
2553
01:48:16,165 --> 01:48:17,996
It's about you.
2554
01:48:17,998 --> 01:48:19,229
It's about us.
2555
01:48:19,231 --> 01:48:20,430
(WOMAN WHOOPS)
2556
01:48:20,432 --> 01:48:22,029
It's about how together,
2557
01:48:22,031 --> 01:48:26,096
we can build the future
our fellow Americans deserve.
2558
01:48:26,098 --> 01:48:27,831
(ALL CHEERING)
2559
01:48:29,198 --> 01:48:32,163
I have dreamt
about this moment
2560
01:48:32,165 --> 01:48:34,396
(EXHALES) ever since
I was a little girl
2561
01:48:34,398 --> 01:48:36,498
growing up
in the nation's capital.
2562
01:48:39,131 --> 01:48:42,663
And I know
that if that young girl
2563
01:48:42,665 --> 01:48:46,131
could see me
standing up here right now...
2564
01:48:48,964 --> 01:48:50,131
(SIGHS)
2565
01:48:51,432 --> 01:48:54,098
She would be so...
2566
01:48:56,198 --> 01:48:57,330
(CLICKS TONGUE)
2567
01:48:57,332 --> 01:48:59,031
She would be...
2568
01:49:05,466 --> 01:49:06,598
What's happening?
2569
01:49:08,198 --> 01:49:11,831
She... She would be so
disappointed in me, actually.
2570
01:49:13,532 --> 01:49:17,063
Yeah, the truth is, that girl
2571
01:49:17,065 --> 01:49:18,263
would want me to be honest
2572
01:49:18,265 --> 01:49:20,929
and have integrity and not be
2573
01:49:20,931 --> 01:49:24,333
blackmailed by evil people
with evil agendas.
2574
01:49:26,565 --> 01:49:28,397
So instead, I'm just gonna...
2575
01:49:28,399 --> 01:49:31,530
I'm just gonna tell the truth,
and whatever happens, happens.
2576
01:49:31,532 --> 01:49:33,496
- So here we go.
- (FEEDBACK ON MIC)
2577
01:49:33,498 --> 01:49:37,163
Parker Wembley
and our dumb-fuck president...
2578
01:49:37,165 --> 01:49:38,463
Whoo!
2579
01:49:38,465 --> 01:49:39,663
...are doing some
evil shit together.
2580
01:49:39,665 --> 01:49:41,397
And because
I just told you now,
2581
01:49:41,399 --> 01:49:44,996
they're going to release
a video of a guy I dated
2582
01:49:44,998 --> 01:49:47,331
jerking off all over himself.
2583
01:49:47,333 --> 01:49:48,331
Release the video.
2584
01:49:48,333 --> 01:49:50,397
Get the fucking thing online.
Get it online!
2585
01:49:50,399 --> 01:49:52,898
But don't slut shame me. I...
2586
01:49:54,199 --> 01:49:55,266
I like him.
2587
01:49:55,998 --> 01:49:57,563
I like him a lot.
2588
01:49:57,565 --> 01:49:59,565
Fred, you gotta go to her.
2589
01:50:01,665 --> 01:50:03,929
Go get her ass, man.
2590
01:50:03,931 --> 01:50:05,266
And he jerks off.
2591
01:50:07,598 --> 01:50:09,663
And so do all of you.
2592
01:50:09,665 --> 01:50:10,929
Hell, yeah!
2593
01:50:10,931 --> 01:50:13,130
So deal with it.
2594
01:50:13,132 --> 01:50:14,598
Deal with it, America.
2595
01:50:20,299 --> 01:50:22,066
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
2596
01:50:23,532 --> 01:50:25,563
Hey! I'm Fred!
2597
01:50:25,565 --> 01:50:27,230
Is that an XL?
2598
01:50:27,232 --> 01:50:28,496
I've got five stars in it,
2599
01:50:28,498 --> 01:50:29,997
if you could speed
this shit up, man!
2600
01:50:29,999 --> 01:50:31,331
We'll give you extra tip,
real tip.
2601
01:50:31,333 --> 01:50:32,663
Not Uber tip! Cash tip!
2602
01:50:32,665 --> 01:50:35,032
- (ALL CLAMORING)
- AGENT M: Get back! Get back!
2603
01:50:38,099 --> 01:50:40,199
- Where are we going?
- I don't know.
2604
01:50:41,398 --> 01:50:42,932
(ALL CLAMORING)
2605
01:50:44,132 --> 01:50:45,396
MAGGIE: She's leaving?
Where is she going?
2606
01:50:45,398 --> 01:50:47,197
Shit, I don't know.
This isn't on the itinerary.
2607
01:50:47,199 --> 01:50:49,364
Tom, you have to think past
the itinerary!
2608
01:50:49,366 --> 01:50:50,297
I can't.
2609
01:50:50,299 --> 01:50:52,130
LANCE: Fred, I just got
a Wembley news alert
2610
01:50:52,132 --> 01:50:54,331
- with your name on it.
- FRED: Don't open it!
2611
01:50:54,333 --> 01:50:57,030
FRED: (ON VIDEO)
Oh, yeah! Oh, boy!
2612
01:50:57,032 --> 01:50:58,430
(LAUGHING) Oh, Fred!
2613
01:50:58,432 --> 01:51:01,430
Oh, no. Oh, no.
2614
01:51:01,432 --> 01:51:02,630
Hey, it's all right, man.
2615
01:51:02,632 --> 01:51:04,297
You know,
we all got our things.
2616
01:51:04,299 --> 01:51:05,997
I don't bust a nut
on my face.
2617
01:51:05,999 --> 01:51:08,197
- But, like...
- It's not like a thing I do!
2618
01:51:08,199 --> 01:51:09,363
(GUFFAWS)
2619
01:51:09,365 --> 01:51:11,197
Do you think that'll,
like, go viral?
2620
01:51:11,199 --> 01:51:14,032
(SCOFFS) This is the news!
2621
01:51:14,633 --> 01:51:16,299
(LAUGHING) Oh, shit.
2622
01:51:24,232 --> 01:51:27,463
Excuse me. Move, damn it!
This man is in love.
2623
01:51:27,465 --> 01:51:29,331
Secretary Field
just drove away,
2624
01:51:29,333 --> 01:51:31,396
no comment
as to her destination.
2625
01:51:31,398 --> 01:51:33,531
We're gonna keep tracking
this story for you...
2626
01:51:33,533 --> 01:51:35,363
CAMERAMAN: Yo, check it out.
It's the come-guy!
2627
01:51:35,365 --> 01:51:37,064
- MAN: Yeah, that's him!
- REPORTER: Oh, sir,
2628
01:51:37,066 --> 01:51:38,264
just a couple of questions.
We're live right now.
2629
01:51:38,266 --> 01:51:41,396
No! I'm come-guy?
2630
01:51:41,398 --> 01:51:43,097
No comments at this time,
thank you! Thank you!
2631
01:51:43,099 --> 01:51:44,230
Thank you!
2632
01:51:44,232 --> 01:51:46,332
Do not touch him!
Do not touch him!
2633
01:51:59,841 --> 01:52:00,907
Hi.
2634
01:52:01,907 --> 01:52:03,074
Holy shit.
2635
01:52:05,174 --> 01:52:06,707
Did you see my speech?
2636
01:52:07,941 --> 01:52:10,674
Yeah. I think
everyone saw it.
2637
01:52:11,141 --> 01:52:12,141
Yeah.
2638
01:52:14,941 --> 01:52:16,874
You know,
your video's out there.
2639
01:52:17,774 --> 01:52:19,274
Yeah, I caught that.
(CHUCKLES)
2640
01:52:26,274 --> 01:52:28,241
Here's the deal.
I love you.
2641
01:52:30,008 --> 01:52:32,106
I know I do.
2642
01:52:32,108 --> 01:52:35,074
Because I've never been
so scared in my entire life.
2643
01:52:38,041 --> 01:52:42,740
And I once shared an elevator
with Saddam Hussein.
2644
01:52:44,074 --> 01:52:46,241
Just me and Saddam.
2645
01:52:49,308 --> 01:52:51,174
And this is way scarier.
2646
01:52:54,108 --> 01:52:55,640
I love you.
2647
01:52:58,775 --> 01:53:01,239
Okay, you're really gonna have
to say something right now.
2648
01:53:01,241 --> 01:53:02,842
'Cause I'm freaking out.
2649
01:53:05,707 --> 01:53:07,975
I've been in love with you
since I was 12 years old.
2650
01:53:10,441 --> 01:53:12,306
(BREATHING SHAKILY)
2651
01:53:12,308 --> 01:53:13,775
(CHUCKLES)
2652
01:53:19,308 --> 01:53:21,308
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
2653
01:53:29,074 --> 01:53:30,074
Oh.
2654
01:53:31,775 --> 01:53:32,840
Hello?
2655
01:53:32,842 --> 01:53:35,906
Hey, Fred, uh, there's
a million people out here
2656
01:53:35,908 --> 01:53:38,306
and they want to talk to the
candidate and the come-guy.
2657
01:53:38,308 --> 01:53:40,141
So, I figured they'd hit you.
2658
01:53:51,842 --> 01:53:53,708
(ALL CHEERING)
2659
01:54:01,007 --> 01:54:02,341
LANCE: Fred!
2660
01:54:03,308 --> 01:54:04,842
Fred!
2661
01:54:10,141 --> 01:54:13,072
A crazy day.
2662
01:54:13,074 --> 01:54:15,307
But I'm really glad
you're all here.
2663
01:54:15,309 --> 01:54:17,375
I'd like to introduce you
to someone.
2664
01:54:18,741 --> 01:54:19,808
This is Fred.
2665
01:54:20,442 --> 01:54:21,708
Hi, there.
2666
01:54:23,309 --> 01:54:25,307
- My boyfriend.
- (ALL CHEERING)
2667
01:54:25,309 --> 01:54:26,675
Whoo!
2668
01:54:29,974 --> 01:54:31,906
You kind of
know him already,
2669
01:54:31,908 --> 01:54:34,005
but you'll get to
know him a lot more
2670
01:54:34,007 --> 01:54:35,309
in the next few months...
2671
01:54:36,509 --> 01:54:39,139
'Cause he's gonna be right by
my side on my campaign trail.
2672
01:54:39,141 --> 01:54:40,842
(ALL CHEERING)
2673
01:54:44,041 --> 01:54:45,375
(CHEERING LOUDER)
2674
01:54:49,775 --> 01:54:51,641
Wakanda Forever!
2675
01:54:59,842 --> 01:55:02,107
Charlotte! Charlotte!
2676
01:55:02,109 --> 01:55:04,708
ALL: (CHANTING)
Charlotte! Charlotte!
2677
01:55:05,875 --> 01:55:07,340
LANCE: I started the chant!
2678
01:55:07,342 --> 01:55:09,275
I started that chant!
2679
01:55:13,008 --> 01:55:14,706
...that I will
faithfully execute
2680
01:55:14,708 --> 01:55:17,940
the office of the president
of the United States.
2681
01:55:17,942 --> 01:55:19,307
REPORTER:
What a momentous day,
2682
01:55:19,309 --> 01:55:20,806
our first female president.
2683
01:55:20,808 --> 01:55:22,739
I never thought I'd see it.
2684
01:55:22,741 --> 01:55:24,440
Well, I mean, a lot of people
are gonna say
2685
01:55:24,442 --> 01:55:26,440
this is a historic moment
for women everywhere,
2686
01:55:26,442 --> 01:55:28,706
but do we really want
her finger on the button
2687
01:55:28,708 --> 01:55:30,040
when it's that time
of the month?
2688
01:55:30,042 --> 01:55:31,906
I wouldn't want
my wife making any decision
2689
01:55:31,908 --> 01:55:33,240
during that time
of the month.
2690
01:55:33,242 --> 01:55:35,073
You know what?
Fuck you guys. I quit.
2691
01:55:35,075 --> 01:55:36,673
Looks like it's someone's
time of the month.
2692
01:55:36,675 --> 01:55:38,207
- (LAUGHS) Oh!
- Looks like Aunt Flow
2693
01:55:38,209 --> 01:55:40,073
is going to work down at
the Red River Casino... Oh!
2694
01:55:40,075 --> 01:55:41,307
Jesus Christ!
Quick, quick, cut!
2695
01:55:41,309 --> 01:55:45,673
Hi! I'm the First Mister of
the United States of America.
2696
01:55:45,675 --> 01:55:47,140
My name is Fred Field.
2697
01:55:47,142 --> 01:55:48,307
I took my wife's last name.
2698
01:55:48,309 --> 01:55:52,373
And, uh, I'm gonna give you
a tour of the White House.
2699
01:55:52,375 --> 01:55:55,340
We're starting with the
portraits of the first spouses.
2700
01:55:55,342 --> 01:55:57,207
Here we have
Mamie Eisenhower.
2701
01:55:57,209 --> 01:55:58,273
Jackie Kennedy.
2702
01:55:58,275 --> 01:56:01,107
We have the beautiful
Lady Bird Johnson's portrait.
2703
01:56:01,109 --> 01:56:03,840
And that leads us
into my portrait.
2704
01:56:03,842 --> 01:56:06,107
It was painted by
Todd McFarlane,
2705
01:56:06,109 --> 01:56:08,674
who created the Spawn comics,
of course.
2706
01:56:08,676 --> 01:56:10,342
The first versions
were a little over the top.
2707
01:56:12,075 --> 01:56:14,140
Hi, guys.
2708
01:56:14,142 --> 01:56:16,006
FRED: I used to think the best
way for me to change the world,
2709
01:56:16,008 --> 01:56:17,906
to make it a better place
was through journalism.
2710
01:56:17,908 --> 01:56:19,373
Then I realized
that's not at all the case.
2711
01:56:19,375 --> 01:56:22,973
Really, the best thing I could
be doing for the world
2712
01:56:22,975 --> 01:56:25,973
is just supporting
this amazing person
2713
01:56:25,975 --> 01:56:27,774
and just trying to
learn from her
2714
01:56:27,776 --> 01:56:29,307
and kinda just trying to be
2715
01:56:29,309 --> 01:56:31,840
the best first mister
I can be.
2716
01:56:31,842 --> 01:56:34,407
I actually got a tattoo
of the first mister insignia.
2717
01:56:34,409 --> 01:56:37,207
- He did.
- There we are.
2718
01:56:37,209 --> 01:56:38,373
CHARLOTTE:
You're wearing mittens.
2719
01:56:38,375 --> 01:56:39,774
FRED: Got little mittens on.
2720
01:56:39,776 --> 01:56:42,273
If you think of where this tattoo
started to where it ended up.
2721
01:56:42,275 --> 01:56:44,207
It really has
an amazing arc to it.
2722
01:56:44,209 --> 01:56:47,140
INTERVIEWER: What are some of
the perks of your new roles?
2723
01:56:47,142 --> 01:56:50,441
Well, I finally get to enact
my vision for America.
2724
01:56:50,443 --> 01:56:52,674
I finally got to find out
who killed Kennedy.
2725
01:56:52,676 --> 01:56:53,906
- Oh, my God. Don't you dare.
- I won't say.
2726
01:56:53,908 --> 01:56:55,073
- Don't.
- I won't say.
2727
01:56:55,075 --> 01:56:56,173
Fred, I'm not
kidding around.
2728
01:56:56,175 --> 01:56:57,240
It's not who you think!
2729
01:56:57,242 --> 01:56:58,774
Don't do it.
2730
01:56:58,776 --> 01:56:59,842
It's pretty surprising.
2731
01:57:00,776 --> 01:57:02,273
He's my Mister.
2732
01:57:02,275 --> 01:57:04,908
I'm her Mister.
And she's my president.
2733
01:57:08,186 --> 01:57:11,933
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org