1
00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,842
[BELL RINGS]
2
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,962
[KEYBOARD CLICKING]
3
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:35,883
GIRL:
For generations of high-schoolers,
4
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,407
you could only be a jock, a geek,
5
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,968
a princess, a bully
or a basket case.
6
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:43,724
But times have changed.
7
00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:45,450
Jocks play video games.
8
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,807
Princesses are on antidepressants.
9
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,486
And geeks basically
run the country.
10
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,407
I thought we were living
in a brave new world,
11
00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:54,891
a place without labels.
12
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,691
But every so often, there's that
one moment in high school
13
00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:01,083
that changes your perspective
on everything.
14
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,567
[BELL RINGS]
15
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:03,767
Ooh. Showtime.
16
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,560
GIRL:
And for me, it happened senior year,
17
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,364
about a month before homecoming.
18
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:10,046
I was cruising the halls
with my two best friends.
19
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,361
Jess Harris.
20
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:18,164
I would bang her so hard
we'd both need helmets.
21
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,641
GIRL:
Yeah, that's not me.
22
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,404
Casey Cordero.
23
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,442
- I would play "Call of Duty" with her...
- Yeah.
24
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,967
- ...all night.
- Wait, what?
25
00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,885
And bang her hard too,
to the point of needing helmets.
26
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,530
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That too, yeah.
27
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:56,809
GIRL:
Nope, not me, either.
28
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,770
Shaw's over. Just Bianca.
29
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,207
[BURPS]
30
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:06,964
BIANCA:
That's me.
31
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,042
[WOMAN SCREAMING
ON COMPUTER]
32
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,729
Martin Van Buren. Nickelback.
33
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,042
Antidisestablishmentarianism.
34
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,242
[PLAYING SIMPLE TUNE]
35
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,441
Ah?
36
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,647
Jess has the hottest ass.
37
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,167
Casey has the hottest rack.
38
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,927
Bianca, she has the hottest friends.
39
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:36,525
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
40
00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:38,969
[BELL RINGS]
41
00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,724
Homecoming tickets, homecoming.
42
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,848
Hey, get your
homecoming tickets now.
43
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,571
- Half price now or double at the door.
- We're gonna be late.
44
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,404
Hey, Jess. Hey, Casey.
Homecoming tickets?
45
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,040
- Oh, we bought ours online.
- All right, cool. See you there.
46
00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:53,329
- Thanks.
- And I will not be attending, so...
47
00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,000
Oh, my God, you do this
before every dance.
48
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,003
Yeah, but I don't feel like going.
49
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,206
There's a Vincent Price marathon on,
so I gotta watch that.
50
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,761
- Who's that?
- Ugh.
51
00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:06,924
Shit, there's Señor Gomez.
I'm failing Spanish.
52
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,804
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
53
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,249
[JESS & CASEY SPEAK
IN SPANISH]
54
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:15,446
[IN SPANISH]
55
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:21,764
[IN SPANISH]
56
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,127
[IN ENGLISH]
Okay.
57
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,203
Mini Stalin, dead ahead.
58
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,089
BIANCA:
Meet Madison Morgan.
59
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:32,642
As she would tell you herself,
she's the hottest girl in school.
60
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,325
Even the gay guys wanna date her.
61
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,966
I would totally bang the shit
out of her.
62
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:38,201
But I Wouldn't like it.
63
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,490
Love.
64
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,044
Sorry.
65
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,809
BIANCA:
So, yeah, she was a bitch.
66
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,651
Were we fake friends with her?
Kind of.
67
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,447
Girls, party at my place.
I'm sure you've heard of it.
68
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,967
Can you make sure you get
an insert shot of them opening it?
69
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,281
Yep, on it.
70
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,364
Oh, yeah, I'm doing a video about
the party for my YouTube channel.
71
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,251
Wow, wait, you're having a party
on a Wednesday?
72
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,051
- On a school night?
- Yeah, I can do that.
73
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,690
Damn, dude. All right.
74
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,251
Well, yeah, we're in.
75
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,249
Ooh, um...
76
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,922
Bianca, you have to
have an actual invite to get in,
77
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,491
and I only have a certain amount.
78
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,962
But, um, if anything changes,
I'll let you know.
79
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,889
- Problem solved.
- Oh, hey.
80
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:31,525
Look at that.
81
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,521
Wonderful. Heh. Mm.
82
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,648
BIANCA: Can't wait.
Should I bring anything or...?
83
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:37,881
We'll... Okay.
84
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,769
[BELL RINGS]
85
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:43,089
Anupam and Lena, where are we
on the school-lunch article?
86
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:48,367
Uh, we thought we would make it
about how the prices of ice cream
87
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,046
have gone up 15 cents
in the cafeteria and...
88
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,851
That's a bit vanilla. Pardon the pun.
89
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,731
But you're missing the meat
of the story.
90
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,962
Our school serves pizza
five days a week,
91
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,407
paid by taxpayer money
92
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:05,167
that is used to cover us
against pizza-induced diabetes.
93
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,408
Now, that's a school-lunch story.
Boom.
94
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,403
Copy that, circle it, write it.
95
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,370
Huh? Nailed it. I'm so proud of me.
96
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,480
We came up with that idea together,
but mostly me.
97
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:17,251
Okay, next up,
final assignment, all right?
98
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,880
It's a doozy,
but it's a real feather in the cap
99
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,360
for any reporter worth their salt
100
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,926
that wants to comment
on the social life of this school.
101
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,730
Anyone?
102
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:27,366
Not all at once.
103
00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:29,411
No one?
104
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,491
No one at all? Any takers?
105
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,405
Bianca.
106
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:36,409
Just the gal I was hoping for.
107
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,682
Hello. Okay.
108
00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:40,808
I want you to step out
of your comfort zone
109
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,804
and bring your special brand
of journalistic gravitas
110
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,645
to an article about homecoming.
111
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:47,847
[BIANCA GASPS]
112
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,685
Specifically, what homecoming
means to me.
113
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:53,525
I mean, not to me. I never went
to a dance when I was a kid.
114
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:57,082
- Kind of a nerd.
- Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Arthur, heh,
115
00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,368
but, um, with all due respect, I'm...
116
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:04,367
You're honored and thrilled
to lend that Bianca Piper magic?
117
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:05,851
You wanna do your thing
118
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,844
and put some stuff in the words
and make it pop?
119
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,809
That's so nice of you.
120
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,360
You don't have to do that.
"No, you didn't. I didn't say..."
121
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:14,970
Yes, you did. And thank...
122
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,521
"No, I didn't, I didn't." Yes, you did.
123
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:19,330
And I thank you.
124
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,488
[BABBLES]
125
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:24,041
You did. And I thank you.
126
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,601
Yeah, that's not where I was going
with that.
127
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,723
I'm sorry,
"What Homecoming Means to Me"?
128
00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:33,325
What are we, 5 years old?
129
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,130
- What is this?
- Look, I'm sorry, B.
130
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,282
I know it sucks,
but maybe it's the universe
131
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,885
telling you, you need to be there.
132
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,969
Please don't start with the universe
with me
133
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:42,485
this early in the morning, okay?
134
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,927
Everything and everyone
can suck it.
135
00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:46,809
Okay, it's not the end of the world.
136
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,486
Ho, ho.
Well, that's easy for you to say.
137
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,847
- I don't have a date.
JESS: I can fix that.
138
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:57,048
- Um... Jack Rebis.
- Mm. Tiny hands.
139
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,248
JESS: Mark Warshaw?
- Smells like trash.
140
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:04,083
Charlie Piper.
141
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,685
My cousin Charlie Piper?
142
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:07,804
Well, people don't know that.
143
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,247
Okay, I will keep looking.
144
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,325
We'll find someone.
145
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,131
BIANCA: Although Jess' menu
of dudes was never-ending,
146
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,442
there was only one guy
I wanted to be my date.
147
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,363
And that's him, Toby Tucker.
148
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,250
I couldn't work up the courage
to say three words to Toby.
149
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:43,965
No, literally, three words.
150
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,364
Okay, bye.
151
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:50,571
Ugh.
152
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,408
BOY:
Whoo! We're gonna kick some ass!
153
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:57,403
- Jeez.
- I'll see you later, bro.
154
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,483
BIANCA: You know those people
you grow up with,
155
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,927
maybe you took baths with them
when you were little,
156
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,771
but now they just annoy the shit
out of you?
157
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,282
I give you Wesley Rush.
158
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,326
WESLEY: Hey, neighbor.
- Wesley.
159
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,921
Saw you watching some weird
Japanese horror movie last night.
160
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,561
Were you spying on me?
161
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,080
A, don't leave your curtains open,
162
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,601
and two, it's kind of hard to miss
a bunch of Japanese people
163
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,728
running and screaming
for their lives.
164
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,121
Looked horrible, by the way,
all that reading.
165
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:35,331
Those would be subtitles.
166
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,403
Super. Where are your girls at?
167
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,687
- Who wants to know?
- The only man in your life.
168
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,161
Mm, Wesley,
you wouldn't be in my life
169
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,800
if you were the only man left
on the planet.
170
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,490
Aw. Sticks and stones, B.
171
00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,290
Speaking of stones, rock-hard abs.
172
00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:51,805
BIANCA: No, no.
WESLEY: Touch them.
173
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,962
- No, no one wants that.
WESLEY: Graze them.
174
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,043
Hey, there you are.
175
00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,322
BIANCA: Wesley and Madison
were known around school
176
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,005
as "the Relationship Strobe Light."
177
00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:04,243
On again, off again,
a thousand times.
178
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,165
Okay.
179
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,401
[COUGHS]
180
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,605
Oh. Bianca. Well, this is awkw...
181
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:18,005
Sorry, were you just hitting
on my ex-boyfriend?
182
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:21,204
No, no. Just having some me time
at my locker.
183
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,283
- He approached me.
MADISON: Oh. Totally.
184
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,249
I agree. That could never happen.
185
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,640
I know you miss me.
186
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,124
That's a healthy thing
you've got going.
187
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,009
Later, B.
188
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,411
JESS:
B, it's a party.
189
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,204
You should wear something cute.
190
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,601
Here. Lots of options for you.
191
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,127
How about this?
192
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:48,327
Pretty.
193
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,569
- What the hell is this, underwear?
- No, it's a camisole.
194
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,800
No? Not for you? Okay. Um...
195
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:59,488
Ooh. How about this?
It's a little darker, kind of sexy. Hmm?
196
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,524
Fine. Although I did hear Toby's
gonna be at the party tonight.
197
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,205
Oh, like that would matter.
198
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,488
I mean, it's not like
she's gonna say anything to him.
199
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:12,531
- Excuse me, I might.
- Mm?
200
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,405
Maybe I'll, you know...
201
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,085
[BIANCA MURMURS
INDISTINCTLY]
202
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,170
Yeah, on second thought,
203
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:23,167
I think I'm just gonna stick
with the old lucky party shirt.
204
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,288
- Wait for it.
CASEY: Bianca, don't do it.
205
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:26,885
- Huh?
CASEY: B.
206
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,166
Says it on there.
207
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:29,446
- No.
- Mm-mm.
208
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,090
BIANCA: And, you know, maybe...
- No.
209
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,766
- ...I'll round it outwith old trusty...
CASEY: Not the flannel.
210
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:35,570
- Nice muted tones.
- No.
211
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,370
WOMAN:
That is not a good look.
212
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,251
This is a good look.
213
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,084
BIANCA:
And that's my mom.
214
00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:45,887
Three years ago my dad left her,
and she did not handle it well.
215
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,128
[SOBBING]
216
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,004
BIANCA:
But one night divine inspiration struck.
217
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,447
You can expect to go
through five stages.
218
00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,206
- The first is denial.
- No way, because I'm not dying.
219
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,250
- Second is anger.
- Why, you little... Agh!
220
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:04,890
HIBBERT:
After that comes fear.
221
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,088
HOMER: What's after fear?
HIBBERT: Bargaining.
222
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,720
HOMER: Get me out of this.
I'll make it worth your while.
223
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:13,566
- Finally, acceptance.
- Well, we all gotta go sometime.
224
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,405
BIANCA:And just like that,
she became Dottie Piper,
225
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:19,404
local celebrity
to the 40-and-over self-help crowd,
226
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:22,643
all-around rock star
and occasional mom.
227
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,882
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
228
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,247
All right, let me tell you something.
229
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,722
I was in the depression stage
about my ex,
230
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,531
but I combined my ex
with "depression,"
231
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,648
and I got "expression."
232
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,008
if you girls wanna really
knock the boys out,
233
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,403
you should project boldness
with a power pantsuit combo.
234
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,169
I'm gonna look like
Hillary Clinton, Mom.
235
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:46,651
I know, right?
236
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,088
Okay, kids, enjoy your party. I love you.
I have another seminar to prep for.
237
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,242
BIANCA: Okay, bye.
DOTTIE: Bye.
238
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,444
[ALI DEE'S
"MAKE THAT BOOTY POP" PLAYING]
239
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,520
CAITLYN: I love your outfit.
- Caitlyn, can you make sure
240
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,450
you get a shot of the desserts?
Jess, hair's looking good.
241
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,886
Ugh. She needs a blow-out.
242
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,724
Here, Kelly, take the blue ones.
243
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,168
They're sugar-free, and I know you're
trying to watch that kind of thing.
244
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,001
[ALL CHEERING]
245
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,206
What?
246
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,840
You've got to be kidding me.
247
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,164
[NOVA ROCKAFELLER'S
"MADE IN GOLD" PLAYING]
248
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,250
MADISON: Wesley?
- Agh!
249
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,004
Caitlyn.
250
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,770
Hey, Mads.
251
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,482
Really? With this?
Does she have to film everything?
252
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,530
Wesley, I'm what's known
as pre-famous.
253
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:44,206
My life is an audition for reality TV.
254
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,728
So, yeah, um,
I need to chronicle everything.
255
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,120
That was a good take for me.
Get a wide shot too.
256
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:51,730
Hey, Caitlyn, take five.
257
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,530
- Thanks.
- Ew.
258
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,684
This is why we are not dating, okay?
259
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,724
Because you, my friend,
are a juvenile dipshit.
260
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:02,888
- I could be dating college guys...
WESLEY: Yeah.
261
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,169
...or famous people or 30-year-olds.
262
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,209
That sounds like an awesome
episode of Dateline.
263
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:09,850
Enjoy those saggy balls.
264
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,970
Fine, I will. Ugh.
265
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,210
BOY:
Come on, man.
266
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:22,127
Guys, I don't see Toby.
267
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,448
- I don't know where Toby is.
- Come dance with us.
268
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,000
BIANCA:
Do you think he didn't come?
269
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,248
- Party pooper.
- No, no, guys, I don't dance.
270
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,562
JESS:
Come on, B. Come on, B.
271
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,405
BIANCA: No, no, no.
- Yeah, you do. Come on, you dance.
272
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:34,846
You do. Come on.
273
00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:37,609
- Come on.
- Okay.
274
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:39,000
- There you go.
- Hey.
275
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,686
- Hey.
- Ooh, look at those moves. Whoo!
276
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,571
- See?
- Oh, man, all this dancing
277
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,400
made me so thirsty.
I'm gonna get a drink.
278
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,284
JESS:
B, really?
279
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,806
[JESS SIGHS]
280
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,450
[SINGING]
Let you get away
281
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,080
Now, don't go away
282
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:07,523
My darling
Don't go away
283
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:12,286
WESLEY:
Hey, Billy.
284
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,010
- No, just Bianca.
- Jesus.
285
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,770
Looking very handsome tonight.
286
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,445
Why, thank you.
287
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:18,761
Having fun at the party?
288
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,442
Yeah, actually, your girls
are looking incredible out there.
289
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,045
Have they asked about me?
290
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,850
When I told them
that you were here,
291
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:30,722
their eyes filled with this, like, sparkle,
you know, with, like, childlike wonder,
292
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,247
and then they just started
dancing together.
293
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,129
- It was kind of beautiful.
- Yeah, it was.
294
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:39,080
Do they do other things together
295
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,447
that I might be able to join in on
or just watch?
296
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,410
I'm kidding.
Not kidding at all. Tell me everything.
297
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,325
Yeah, it's actually not my job
to give you pervy intel
298
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,563
- on my best friends, but thanks.
- Well, I mean, it kind of is, though.
299
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,404
People ask you questions
about them, right,
300
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,608
because that's your job
as their DUFF.
301
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,842
Sorry, as their what?
302
00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:00,168
DUFF. D-U-F-F.
303
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:01,924
Designated Ugly Fat Friend.
304
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,050
What did you just say to me?
305
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,569
It's not like a big deal, okay? I mean,
like, every group of friends has one.
306
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,650
The one who doesn't look as good,
thus making their friends look better.
307
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,485
The one who's approachable
and easy to talk to,
308
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,480
because no one's trying
to get in their pants.
309
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,928
And if you don't know
who it is, chances are it's you.
310
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,970
Say when. Say...
311
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,523
Okay, look, I didn't mean it
like that, all right? Urn...
312
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,650
The DUFF doesn't always have to be
some heinous beast, all right?
313
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,484
Take a look at Robin.
314
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:34,885
BIANCA:
Robin's, like, super cute.
315
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,805
Okay, but her friends are super hot.
316
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,849
BIANCA: Oh, God,
that is such a guy thing to say.
317
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:43,690
Guys can be DUFFs too, okay?
318
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,002
You know my boy A.J.,
freshman on the football team?
319
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,280
We're in chemistry together.
320
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,767
Now he's doing the second most
important job a DUFF can do,
321
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,440
acting as, like, the gatekeeper
to their better-looking friends.
322
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:55,006
The guy with the info people go to
before they make their move.
323
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,367
- Watch, watch.
- Is it true Wes is single?
324
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,363
Ahem. Uh, sure is, yeah.
325
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,803
Got it. Thanks, A.J. You're sweet.
326
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,522
- Hi.
- Hey, Wes.
327
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,126
See? She gets her info,
he gets to talk to a hot senior.
328
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,480
Even got a little action.
I didn't have to do anything.
329
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,404
It's kind of like us right now.
330
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:17,450
Excuse me,
that is not like us right now.
331
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:18,761
B, on an average day,
332
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,127
how many guys ask you questions
about Jess and Casey?
333
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,329
- I don't know. It's a fair amount.
WESLEY: Okay.
334
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,165
On an average day, how many guys
ask you questions about you?
335
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:34,481
See?
You friended up, okay?
336
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,047
Good for you. Good talk.
You know what? Get back out there.
337
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,690
Have some...
338
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,001
[CROWD LAUGHING]
339
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,527
Hey, what the hell was that for?
340
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,001
Stupid Wes.
341
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,083
It's not even...
342
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:21,406
[BIANCA SCOFFS]
343
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,689
Really?
344
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,849
Oh, God.
345
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,369
WOMAN [ON COMPUTER]:
I am the DUFF.
346
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,929
Impress me to get to my friends.
347
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,764
I am the gatekeeper.
348
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,883
I'm not the DUFF.
349
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,722
[BELL RINGS]
350
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,560
Hey, Duffy.
351
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,768
Shouldn't you be working
with a partner?
352
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,490
Shouldn't you be working at all?
353
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,768
Lab partner's got this.
354
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,891
BIANCA:
Oh, boy. Clearly.
355
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,930
Bill Nye over there looks
like she's about to drink that acid.
356
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,171
I work alone.
357
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,641
- Take a hint.
- Why are you so grumpy?
358
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:31,043
You know, I should be mad at you.
You ruined my favorite shirt.
359
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,005
You called me fat and ugly, Wesley.
360
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,925
What? No, I didn't.
I called you the DUFF.
361
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:39,127
Yeah, excuse me.
362
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:43,001
It's just that stands for
Designated Ugly Fat Friend, dick face.
363
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,322
You can't take it literally, okay?
364
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,324
I mean, the DUFF doesn't
actually have to be fat or ugly.
365
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,360
You know, like Tony Romo,
he's a Dallas Cowboy.
366
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,410
It's not like he rides a horse, right?
367
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,847
I have no idea
what the hell you're talking about.
368
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,004
I'm just saying,
I would never call anyone fat or ugly.
369
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:01,162
Okay? That's messed up.
370
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,687
But it's the word and it stuck.
It's a catchall.
371
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,287
Oh, my God.
Get out of here before I murder you.
372
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,046
- Are you kidding? Okay.
- I'll murder you.
373
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,963
B, where the hell'd you go?
374
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:17,963
Home. Wasn't feeling good.
375
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:20,043
Oh, well,
you didn't really miss much.
376
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,601
Yeah, except Jess making out
with Ryan Jensen,
377
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,086
the cops busting up the party,
378
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,891
and, like, everyone TP'ing
Rebecca Cutter's house.
379
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,247
She's right, it was pretty awesome.
380
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,570
Hello? Are you okay?
381
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,722
Yeah, just get the food.
382
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,531
- Hey there, Jess and Casey.
JESS: Hey
383
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:39,927
Hey, Elaine.
384
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:41,923
Hey, you.
385
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:48,925
Hey, Jeffrey.
386
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,764
BIANCA: It was becoming harder
and harder to deny the truth.
387
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,611
- Without Jess and Casey...
- Hey, Jess, Casey.
388
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,370
JESS & CASEY:
Hey, Principal Buchanon.
389
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,329
BIANCA:
...I ceased to be.
390
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,447
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
391
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,529
Girls, party at my place.
392
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,285
Hey, Jess. Hey, Casey.
393
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,411
BIANCA:
Holy shit. I was the DUFF.
394
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,601
Jess and Casey. Jess and Casey.
395
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,724
Jess and Casey.
396
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,128
Jess and Casey.
397
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,402
Why was I Bosley?
There were three Angels.
398
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,971
Okay.
399
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,800
BIANCA: You know in Batman
when that guy falls into the vat of acid
400
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,081
and becomes the Joker?
401
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,083
This was my "vat of acid" moment.
402
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:35,005
My best friends made me
the DUFF.
403
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:38,130
And that made me...
404
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:39,811
Angry.
405
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:49,090
DOTTIE: Bianca, let's go.
You'll be late for school.
406
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,527
BIANCA: The world gave me the gift
of in visibility,
407
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,286
a license to not give a shit.
408
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,528
You look crazy.
409
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,603
Crazy amazing.
410
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,002
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
411
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:29,206
BIANCA:
Oh, God, even my car's a DUFF.
412
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:31,640
[ALARM CHIRPS]
413
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,484
I couldn't even look at Jess
and Casey, they made me so mad.
414
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,804
Our entire friendship was a sham,
and everyone knew but me.
415
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,883
Hey, B, will you take a look
at my fashion piece?
416
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:46,451
I need a layman's opinion.
417
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:47,647
[BIANCA SCOFFS]
418
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,247
You're aware I'm a woman, right?
419
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,162
What? Oh, no.
"Layman," it's just a phrase.
420
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,129
I just mean
you're not a fashion expert.
421
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:57,964
Oh, so I have bad style?
422
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,007
Whoa, someone's in a mood.
Lighten up.
423
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,731
Lighten up? Because I'm so heavy?
424
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,721
Is there a problem?
425
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:08,969
Outside.
426
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,807
How could you guys not tell me
this whole time that I was your DUFF?
427
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,646
- Our what?
- Your Designated Ugly Fat Friend.
428
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,246
Yeah, yeah.
Wesley told me everything.
429
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,410
CASEY:
Ha, ha. He can't even spell.
430
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,722
That's actually pretty creative
for Wes.
431
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,042
Since when do you care
what Wesley Rush says?
432
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,083
He says crazy stuff all the time.
433
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,685
Uh, because it makes sense.
434
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:39,083
I mean, why else would two
super-hot, popular girls
435
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:40,765
wanna be friends
with somebody like me?
436
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,406
It's because you're using me
to make yourselves look better.
437
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,245
Okay, just because you think one of us
is better-looking than you...
438
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,051
Oh, my God. There it is, there it is.
You know what? No, no, no.
439
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,281
I'm glad you said that,
440
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:54,161
because it makes what I'm about to do
a whole lot easier.
441
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,968
[CELL PHONES CHIME]
442
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,251
Yeah, go ahead and check them.
443
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,409
Did you just unfriend me?
444
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,291
You bet your ass I did.
445
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:10,810
Well, fine.
446
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,725
Then I am taking you
off of Instagram.
447
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,085
Well, hallelujah, okay?
448
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,289
I don't have to look at pictures of your
artisanal cappuccinos every morning.
449
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,488
How dare you?
You love those foam faces.
450
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,369
- They're foam-tastic.
- Shh.
451
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,488
Look, we're going through
something over here.
452
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:27,130
Guess what else.
453
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,282
Unfollowed y'all on Twitter.
454
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:32,762
Oh, perfect. No more of Bianca's
almost-ironic tweets for the day.
455
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,161
Heh. Oh, that's rich,
coming from this guy
456
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:36,924
who's RT'ing them all day long.
457
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:38,366
They're pity RTs.
458
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:40,841
You know what?
459
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,844
I'm taking you off of my
We Heart It and my Vine feed.
460
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,367
Oh, great,
because I don't like your loops, okay?
461
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,410
And you know what else?
I'm blocking your ass on Tumblr.
462
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,562
And you, you're off my Snapchat.
463
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,370
Well, fine.
464
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,842
- Fine.
- Fine.
465
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,480
I'm a free woman.
466
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:04,489
And don't you dare be creeping
on my Pinterest, whores.
467
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,689
I'm so sorry, Susan.
I'll see you tomorrow.
468
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,922
BIANCA: Wes had made me
see the school differently,
469
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:16,287
and I wasn't happy about it.
470
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,762
[STUDENTS SINGING
BARBERSHOP MUSIC]
471
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,650
BIANCA: It didn't matter what group
you were in, it was unavoidable.
472
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,644
Even if you weren't in a group,
like Creepy Carrie Raskowitz.
473
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,087
I'm my own best friend.
474
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:38,720
BIANCA:
Did any of these people know
475
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,161
where they stood
in the social hierarchy?
476
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:52,929
TOBY:
Cool socks.
477
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:54,406
Really dig them.
478
00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,442
I wanna make out with your face.
479
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,725
Good, because my face wants you
to make out with it.
480
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,329
Socks?
481
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:20,250
They...
482
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,490
What the...?
483
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,803
BIANCA: I never knew
why I couldn't talk to Toby.
484
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,610
Now I did.
485
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:39,168
Because, like everyone else in school,
he knew what I was.
486
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,641
And subconsciously I knew it too.
487
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,121
- It was all so easy for Wes.
- Ha, ha.
488
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,044
Look, I'm no wine expert,
but I'm pretty sure
489
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:47,690
you mix red and white, you get rose.
490
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:49,968
BIANCA: He could talk to anyone.
FILLMORE: Wesley.
491
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:51,201
Back to work.
492
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,448
[BELL RINGS]
493
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,120
FILLMORE:
Take a seat, Mr. Rush.
494
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,811
That's your third F.
I don't know what's going on with you.
495
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,760
But the principal and I talked
and we decided
496
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,923
until you get your grades up,
you're suspended from the team.
497
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,367
WESLEY: Well, can't we talk
to Coach Grant about it?
498
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,569
Yeah, Coach Grant agrees
with my decision.
499
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,323
Okay, okay, look,
I can't lose my scholarship.
500
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,081
It's the only way
I can get into college.
501
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,766
I wish you would've thought
of that before.
502
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,240
You want me to what?
503
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,244
I don't wanna be anybody's
DUFF anymore, okay?
504
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,209
I wanna be my own person.
505
00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:48,842
I'm tired of being
the approachable one.
506
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,247
I wanna be the datable one.
507
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,328
You're asking me for dating advice?
508
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,324
Today of all days?
Are you kidding me?
509
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,521
Look, I have a crush on this boy.
510
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,246
His name's Toby Tucker.
Maybe you've heard of him.
511
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,641
Well, I can't seem to talk to him
512
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,041
without making a total ass
of myself, okay?
513
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:09,770
And you never seem
to have this problem.
514
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:13,163
- Don't you hate me?
- I'm glad you asked. Yes, I do.
515
00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:15,761
But only because you're a dipshit
and a man-whore.
516
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,649
But you're the only one
in this whole school
517
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,325
who told me
what was actually going on.
518
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,245
So you're an honest dipshit,
and that's what counts.
519
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:23,765
- Thanks?
- Can we just...?
520
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:25,445
Can we just cool it for a second?
521
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:26,761
[BIANCA PANTS]
522
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,571
Okay, here's my offer.
523
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:33,407
I will make sure you pass science
if you help me with this.
524
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,404
I mean, you got the easy part.
You could pass science in your sleep.
525
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,450
I have to reverse-DUFF you.
Are you wearing pajamas?
526
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,807
Oh, my God.
You know, I get it Wesley, okay?
527
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,327
I'm disgusting. I'm a swamp thing.
528
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,245
- I'm a regular Bela Lugosi.
- Who?
529
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,240
I can't even believe I thought that
I could ask you something like this.
530
00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:53,441
Just forget it.
531
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:57,002
You know, have fun playing intramural
Wii golf this season, dick face.
532
00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:58,966
Okay, okay, okay.
533
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:00,931
Come here.
534
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,811
Look, I'm an idiot.
535
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,440
And idiots don't exactly
give great advice.
536
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,287
Well, look at it this way.
537
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:14,966
It's not like you could make me
any more awkward, right?
538
00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:16,645
That's true.
539
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,246
See? Idiot.
540
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:23,169
So you'll do it?
541
00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:26,121
- Yeah.
- Yes.
542
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:27,406
WESLEY:
On one condition.
543
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,602
You gotta ask me in monster voice.
544
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,206
- Wesley. Monster voice?
- Yeah.
545
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:33,805
- From when we were little?
- Mm-hm.
546
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:35,928
- No, I don't... I don't remember it.
- You sure?
547
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:37,360
- Yes, I couldn't even...
- Okay.
548
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,005
[IN MONSTER VOICE]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
549
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,724
Bianca need Wesley help.
550
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:50,090
- Please, Wesley, help Bianca?
- Ha, ha.
551
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,680
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] There you go.
- Not bad. You still got it.
552
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:54,325
So easily amused.
553
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,165
- We got a deal?
- Yeah.
554
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,651
- I was just going low, that's all.
- Just...
555
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:02,446
BIANCA: Yes. All right.
- Okay.
556
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,001
So, you have to pass
the chemistry midterm, okay?
557
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:06,924
- So we'll focus on that first.
- Yeah.
558
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,481
And where do we start with me?
559
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:14,004
- The mall, noon, Saturday.
- All right, cool.
560
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,003
Will there be
a lot of walking, though?
561
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,527
Because I'll wear my Shape-ups.
Having some...
562
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:20,205
Text me.
563
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,641
BIANCA: I was nervous,
relying on the school Neanderthal,
564
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,609
but what was the worst
he could do?
565
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,684
- Are you kidding me with this?
- I'm not.
566
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:31,367
Wes, if I wanted to go shopping
and talk about girly stuff,
567
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,204
I could've done that
with Jess and Casey.
568
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,806
- I need you to give me real talk.
- Real talk?
569
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,560
You got a uniboob, your posture sucks,
and your clothes fit weird
570
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,126
because you wear the wrong size bra.
Boom, real talk.
571
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:44,089
I watch a lot of Project Runway.
What's up?
572
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,641
Step one: First impressions matter,
573
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,410
so take some pride
in your appearance.
574
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:50,688
Ladies, this is Bianca.
575
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,446
Take good care of her. I'm gonna
get the hell out of this section.
576
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:54,971
- Wes, no, don't go.
- Ach.
577
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,043
- Unibooben.
- Sí, uniboob.
578
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:02,645
[CLEARS THROAT]
579
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:06,244
- What do you think?
- Hey, look at those.
580
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,370
- You... You look great.
- Thanks. That's enough.
581
00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:11,045
- Well, I know my boobs.
- Okay.
582
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:12,924
- Can we leave?
- Definitely not.
583
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:16,408
We've got the whole place.
We are just getting started.
584
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:19,564
Step two:
Time to show the world who you are.
585
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,246
The truth is, I don't know
who you are from your clothes, okay?
586
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,643
You need to start dressing more
like you, and less like Wreck-It Ralph.
587
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,800
- Fine.
- Dressing rooms are back there,
588
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,964
and, uh, maybe try on a new attitude
while you're at it.
589
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:37,171
Get in there.
590
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,725
BIANCA:
Can we please just make this quick?
591
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,046
[WESLEY LAUGHING]
592
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:49,045
Okay, next.
593
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,480
- Try to keep it in your pants.
- Next.
594
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:59,409
- Nope.
- This one might be my favorite yet.
595
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:01,369
It... It's not that bad.
596
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,562
Okay, perfect. Hold that pose.
597
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:06,006
Are you filming me?
598
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,208
Game tape, for review.
This is what you look like
599
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:12,046
when you're not overthinking things,
actually having some fun.
600
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:16,041
If anybody ever sees this,
I'll rip your nut sack off.
601
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:17,725
I'll rip it right off.
602
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:20,527
- Okay.
- Rip it.
603
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,160
Super aggressive.
Look, if this is gonna work,
604
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:25,687
you gotta lighten up,
and you're gonna have to trust me.
605
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:32,724
All right.
606
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,121
- It's go time.
- Okay.
607
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:37,801
Here we go. Yeah.
608
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:39,291
Rub the belly.
609
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:41,444
Oh, uh-oh.
610
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,320
Oh, yeah. You got moves.
611
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,245
Oh. No. Mm.
612
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:52,845
Okay, dancing makes it worse.
613
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,891
No, no, still worse.
614
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,930
- Is that good?
WESLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
615
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:04,570
Are you twerking?
616
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:09,049
Ooh. Oh.
617
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:10,361
What's that?
618
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:12,045
Oh, my God.
619
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:16,924
This is just getting weird now.
620
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,169
Look out. Okay. Heh.
621
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:21,890
It's a little weird now.
622
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,686
- Whoo! Yeah. Whoo!
- Okay, I think... I think we're good.
623
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:26,444
We're... No? You're...
624
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:30,047
Actually, I've been meaning
to talk to you, Toby.
625
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:33,488
I'm really, really into you.
626
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,762
Don't tell me. Tell Toby.
627
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,969
BIANCA: Toby Tucker.
I didn't know you were here.
628
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:40,724
I have feelings for you.
629
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:42,326
Look at me, Toby.
630
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:44,648
Don't look at me. Look at me.
631
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,201
Put your arm around me. Whoops.
632
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:48,447
Toby, heh.
633
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,489
You're a little excited, aren't you?
Toby...
634
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:55,602
Toby, that is
unbelievably inappropriate.
635
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:57,524
But it doesn't feel bad.
636
00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:59,330
- Okay.
BIANCA: I need to talk to you.
637
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:02,689
Oh, God, I want you so bad. Toby...
638
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,688
Uh... I'm gonna change.
We should... We should go.
639
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:10,005
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
640
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,246
What the shit?
641
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,491
You're messing with the wrong girl.
642
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:25,922
Looks like the lessons are off
to a real great start there, coachy.
643
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:28,765
- Oh, did you have fun in here?
- No.
644
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:30,604
No? Hmm.
645
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,162
- You sure about that?
BIANCA [ON PHONE]: Ha-ha-ha.
646
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:34,771
Oh, God, please, make it...
647
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:36,445
- Make it go away. It's very bad.
- No.
648
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,728
Step three, okay? Smile more.
649
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:40,564
You're really cute
when you're having fun.
650
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:44,088
So we are off to a great start,
smart-ass.
651
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:57,365
Try it on.
652
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:00,770
BIANCA:
Um...
653
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:05,810
You know, I'm really tired.
I think we should just take a break.
654
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,291
Okay.
655
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:14,488
All right, what are you really looking
to get out of your boy, Tony?
656
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:15,846
- Toby.
- Tuba?
657
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,970
You wanna blow his horn?
Put your hand on his instrument?
658
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:20,685
- Little meow, meow, meow.
- Ugh.
659
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,040
Was that a little laugh?
There was a little laugh there.
660
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,646
- You laughed. You did laugh.
- I had a small stroke.
661
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,041
Yeah, like a midget jerking it.
662
00:34:30,240 --> 00:34:32,242
You get it? Because he's small?
663
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:36,284
That was...
664
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:37,965
Okay, fine.
665
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:39,929
Talking to Toby scares you, right?
666
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:44,881
The only way to get over it
is to face it right here, right now.
667
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:46,769
See Sweater Guy over there?
668
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:50,005
I want you to walk over
and get his phone number.
669
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:51,525
[LAUGHS]
670
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,124
- No.
- Be totally gangster about it, okay?
671
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,200
Just say, "I could tell from across
the room we might be into each other.
672
00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:00,045
Now that I'm here, I know it.
Your move."
673
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:02,241
- Have you met me?
- Okay.
674
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:04,084
I couldn't get through
three words of that.
675
00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:06,925
All right, walk over and say,
"Hey there."
676
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,289
- "Hey there"?
- Hop up.
677
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,124
Get up.
678
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,281
All right, deep breath.
679
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,124
Shoulders back.
680
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:17,406
Lick your lips a little bit.
681
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:22,730
Ah, don't worry about the lips.
Go, strut your stuff.
682
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,201
- Like a peacock.
- Shh!
683
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:39,407
Hey there.
684
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:42,082
Hey there.
685
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:46,690
Is that a wiener in your mouth
or are you just happy to see me?
686
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,206
No, it's a bratwurst.
687
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:52,249
Oh, yeah. No. Um...
688
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:56,485
But is there a place to get a hot dog
here in this mall or...?
689
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:58,244
Yeah.
690
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:01,728
BIANCA:
Oh. Hey-oh.
691
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,087
- Tss, pfft. Pfft.
- Right?
692
00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:05,287
- Okay-
- okay-
693
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:06,930
Bye-bye.
694
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:13,969
Did you want to go out
with me, though?
695
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:15,646
Out where?
696
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:17,564
To, uh, dates?
697
00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:19,768
To a date? On a date? To a date?
698
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:22,325
No.
699
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:23,921
No. Okay.
700
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,522
- Oh, you're good.
BIANCA: Huh?
701
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:28,125
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
702
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:29,611
- You're good.
- Oh.
703
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:30,841
Where are the cameras?
704
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:32,883
- Oh, of course.
- It's a YouTube video, right?
705
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:34,605
- It's a joke.
- It's a YouTube video?
706
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,683
Who would wanna go out
with this guy, right?
707
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:38,723
- Oh, man, you're so good.
- Thank you so much.
708
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:40,285
- Thank you.
- Totally believable.
709
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:41,441
Great. Thank you.
710
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:43,648
- How many hits did this get?
- Lot of hits.
711
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,320
I'm taking a lot of hits today.
All right, see you later.
712
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:47,606
- Cool.
- Okay.
713
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,809
- Where can I find it online?
BIANCA: Yep, bye.
714
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,209
Man, so many
unanswered questions.
715
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,840
Really good.
Thank you so much for that, teach.
716
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,968
That was an awesome lesson.
I'm humiliated.
717
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,441
Okay, look,
it was just the tryouts, all right?
718
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:03,841
We're sizing up your strengths
and weaknesses.
719
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:06,646
- And?
WESLEY: And...
720
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,121
You're horrible. I hope you like cats.
721
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:10,441
Kidding.
722
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,570
Next mission is to talk to 15 guys.
723
00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:18,009
Yeah, 15 guys,
without completely falling apart, okay?
724
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,811
Step five: Take a few hits.
725
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,365
Ahem. Nope. Okay.
726
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:32,764
I can do this.
How hard could it be? Just do it.
727
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,249
Excuse me, I, uh...
728
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:38,249
...can't do this.
729
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,687
Hey, I see you have a reusable bag.
730
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:43,490
You're not listening.
731
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,289
Hey, is this seat taken?
732
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:50,240
Oh, you're busy.
I'll come back a little later.
733
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:53,680
Oh. We have to stop
meeting like this. Heh.
734
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,446
You're always going up.
735
00:37:57,240 --> 00:38:00,080
Best part about it is it's glass.
Sure, it's cumbersome to carry around,
736
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:01,770
but I don't wanna have
breast cancer
737
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:04,566
because I'm drinking out of plastic
water bottles my whole life.
738
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:06,285
It's not really worth it, you know.
739
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:10,161
Like, in Japan, the...
You have to go? Okay.
740
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,043
Long day, huh?
741
00:38:19,240 --> 00:38:20,287
Too long.
742
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:24,968
- Just get off work?
- Kind of.
743
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,407
- Do you work here too?
- Oh, I'm at the yogurt place.
744
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:30,609
I'm a toppings consultant.
745
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:33,411
Oh, my God.
I didn't even know they had those.
746
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:37,770
I've actually been making a lot of poor
choices with my toppings lately.
747
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,247
Oh, have you?
Well, I got a card I can give you.
748
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:41,925
- I'm Allen.
- Hey, Bianca.
749
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:43,923
- Nice to meet you, Bianca.
- Nice to meet you.
750
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:45,809
All right, so,
what's the number-one mistake
751
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:47,640
that people make
when it comes to toppings?
752
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:49,450
Ooh. Good question.
753
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:50,931
- Granola.
- Granola?
754
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:52,366
- You wanna know why?
- Yeah.
755
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:58,724
Wes, I did it.
I just got that guy's number.
756
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:00,609
- Attagirl.
- I know.
757
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,922
Think I deserve a little treat.
758
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:06,607
I'm telling you, I'd really lost hope
around Guy 17, you know.
759
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:08,728
Then came Guy 21.
Couldn't shut him up.
760
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:10,325
- Easy.
- Real chatty Cathy.
761
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:12,960
Easy. All right, don't get cocky.
762
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,128
Today was only day one.
763
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:17,931
Still, it felt pretty good, so...
764
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:21,124
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
765
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,766
All right, well, you held up
your end of the bargain,
766
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,611
so I guess I will hold up mine.
767
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:28,609
Here are my chemistry notes, okay?
768
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:31,963
Live by this,
and you shall pass the midterm.
769
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:33,645
Yeah.
770
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:35,450
Uh...
771
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,962
Enthalpy, entropy-
772
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:40,770
Pauli exclusion principle?
773
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:43,002
- I was...
MADISON: Wesley?
774
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,367
- Can we run?
- She's coming over.
775
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:49,007
Oh, my God.
What a coincidence it is
776
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:50,650
- seeing you here.
- Hey.
777
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:54,202
So, um, you two, huh?
778
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,531
We're not... We're not here together.
779
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,081
We just bumped
into each other here.
780
00:40:00,240 --> 00:40:04,211
Yeah. No, obviously, I don't...
I wouldn't wanna be...
781
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:05,850
I couldn't possibly care less.
782
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:07,604
Caitlyn, can you make sure
you get a shot
783
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,211
- of them together, please?
- Yep.
784
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:13,003
That's what sucking
at life looks like. Oh.
785
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:23,124
I'm gonna, uh...
786
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,247
- I'm gonna get started.
- I have to...
787
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:28,442
I am late for an event.
788
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:31,285
- Yeah.
- So I'm gonna...
789
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,041
Mine is this way, though.
790
00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:41,882
[CAMERA CLICKING]
791
00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:46,730
What are you doing?
792
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:48,206
Ooh. Ha-ha-ha.
793
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:52,604
You caught me.
I'm uploading pictures to my profile.
794
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:55,770
Just hang on a sec.
They're still loading.
795
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,123
Sorry, your profile for what?
796
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,044
A dating site.
I signed up for all of them.
797
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,487
Match, eHarmony,
ChristianMingle, JDate.
798
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,246
JDate? You're not Jewish.
799
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:08,205
I know. That just makes me
more exotic on the site.
800
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:09,447
Note to self.
801
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:11,364
Okay, here we go.
Here's my profile pic.
802
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:13,887
- Tell me what you think. Be brutal.
- Okay.
803
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,566
Oh, uh, you're gonna use
the book picture?
804
00:41:16,720 --> 00:41:18,165
Oh, is it too formal?
805
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,527
Well, it is a little...
806
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:24,002
Well, it's either that or all the
duck-head poses people do on here.
807
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:26,606
Oh, no, no.
808
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:30,731
Dear God, it's "duck face,"
and stop that forever.
809
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:35,323
All right. I'm just trying to get more
of these thingies, these, uh, flirties.
810
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:38,211
Hmm. This is a tough conversation
for me.
811
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:40,886
Let's focus on the picture.
Uh, here we go.
812
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,930
Oh, look, arm-fold head-tilt.
That's a classic.
813
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,606
I think we can find something better.
814
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:49,489
Let's see.
Oh, yeah, what about this one?
815
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,927
- This is a good one.
- Aw, heh.
816
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:55,482
That was Florida.
Seems like a long time ago.
817
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:58,769
- Yeah, you look so relaxed and happy.
- Yeah, well, I was.
818
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:00,410
BIANCA: There you go.
- Thank you.
819
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:02,562
This girl's gonna
have the flirties rolling in.
820
00:42:02,720 --> 00:42:06,725
Well, we'll see.
This is all so new for me.
821
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:11,490
Well, it seems like we're both
trying new things, then.
822
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:15,690
What I'm talking about is
a good old-fashioned crush on a boy.
823
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:18,611
- Oh.
- Yeah, his name is Toby.
824
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:20,370
Toby.
825
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:24,049
Yeah, I was kind of having trouble
getting him to notice me,
826
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:27,170
so I've brought on a sensei.
827
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:29,927
Wesley Rush.
828
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,489
Wesley Rush?
829
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,290
- From next door?
- Okay.
830
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,442
Honey, why don't you just go
to Jess and Casey?
831
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,967
You always trust their advice.
832
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,966
I just thought I'd branch out.
833
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:44,811
Okay.
834
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,720
Actually, I mean,
what had happened was, I was at...
835
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:49,410
Was this sensei thing your idea?
836
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,291
- Uh, yeah, but I...
- Good.
837
00:42:52,720 --> 00:42:55,087
That means you're being mentally
tough and making decisions.
838
00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:56,924
That's what half of my last book
was about.
839
00:42:57,080 --> 00:43:00,209
When you become proactive,
your problems become subtractive,
840
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:02,089
and then good things
are bound to happen.
841
00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:06,882
Wow, okay.
Little of the old proactive, subtractive.
842
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:10,328
Got it. I'll remember that
if you remember no more duck face.
843
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,649
- No duck head.
- Duck face.
844
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:15,006
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
845
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:17,527
Oh, I got a flirty.
846
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:20,921
Mazel tov, Dottie.
847
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:26,681
JESS: Do you know what
you're wearing for homecoming yet?
848
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:29,127
Because I can't find anything.
Do you think short, long?
849
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:31,282
What do you think?
850
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:37,842
BIANCA: Despite missing my
ex-best friends, my mom was right.
851
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:40,128
I could sense that good things
were about to happen.
852
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:42,731
Come on.
853
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,322
JESS: It's been 2 weeks. This is crazy.
CASEY: I know.
854
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:47,050
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
855
00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:55,202
Toby Tucker,
I've loved you for a long time.
856
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:56,727
Mr. Tucker.
857
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:58,041
Wes.
858
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:01,249
GIRL [ON PHONE]:
Oh, my God. Big, fat ass.
859
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,846
Big, fat ass. Ew.
860
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,128
Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.
861
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:08,325
At least it only has six views.
862
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:13,762
[MOANING]
863
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:16,331
Oh, Toby, don't stop.
864
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:18,130
[IN SLOW MOTION]
Don't stop.
865
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:19,850
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I wanna be your wife.
866
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:22,321
How do we look together?
How do we look together?
867
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:25,165
- The most beautiful couple?
GIRL: Oh, my God.
868
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,049
ROBIN:
Is that Bianca Piper?
869
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,771
Yep. Oh, my God, that is so horrible.
870
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:32,810
I would hate it if that was me
and people saw this.
871
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:36,089
- I should totally forward this.
- Me too.
872
00:44:36,240 --> 00:44:37,969
- Viral?
- Viral.
873
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:41,923
[CELL PHONES CHIMING]
874
00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:07,287
[OINKING ON PHONE]
875
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:09,568
BIANCA [ON PHONE]:
Oh, Toby.
876
00:45:09,720 --> 00:45:11,722
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
877
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:57,689
GIRL 1: Did you read the comments
on that video?
878
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:01,083
GIRL 2: Yeah. It says, "That mannequin
just made out with a five."
879
00:46:01,240 --> 00:46:03,925
GIRL 1: Oh, my God,
he called her a five. Ha, ha.
880
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:07,004
GIRL 2: "Bianca Piper's ass
means the terrorists have won."
881
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:09,567
GIRL 1:
Ouch. I feel bad for Toby.
882
00:46:09,720 --> 00:46:12,200
GIRL 2: "Flash mob hump session
on Toby at 3:30"?
883
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:13,850
GIRL 1:
He's gotta be so embarrassed.
884
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,805
GIRL 2:
His senior year is going to suck.
885
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,641
CASEY:
Ugh, they do not clean those mirrors.
886
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:25,525
- Oh, that is awful.
CASEY: Whatever.
887
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:28,411
Listen, she's the one
that ended things with us, Jess.
888
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,325
BIANCA: I love your eyes. They're so...
- Just make that go away.
889
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:34,006
BIANCA: Toby...
JESS: Casey, shut the site down now.
890
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:35,571
Okay, fine.
891
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,369
GIRL [ON COMPUTER]:
Oh, my...
892
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,568
You know Bianca well. Do you think
she'd put this up to get attention?
893
00:46:42,720 --> 00:46:44,722
[GRUNTING]
894
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:48,768
Not likely.
895
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:51,002
Don't we just look so cute together?
896
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:53,371
ARTHUR:
Ooh.
897
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:55,564
Problem solved.
898
00:46:56,240 --> 00:46:58,288
Solved my ass.
899
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:01,808
This school, this entire school,
is filled with cyber bullies.
900
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:04,890
Do you know what that means?
That means retaliation videos.
901
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:06,565
Comments, likes, Tweets, memes,
902
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:09,525
and whatever the hell else they do
to each other nowadays.
903
00:47:09,720 --> 00:47:11,080
It's like a prison yard out there.
904
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:13,646
Look, don't you think you're
overreacting just a little bit?
905
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:15,040
Have you not seen Dateline?
906
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:17,248
Catfish? Pretty Little Liars?
907
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:18,731
- What?
- Nothing.
908
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:21,886
Look, having had experience
in this area,
909
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,601
I think we gotta deal with this
in a way that's private and sensitive.
910
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:28,684
Yes, yes, we do not negotiate
with terrorists.
911
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,128
That is the opposite
of what I just said.
912
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:33,209
[BELL RINGS]
913
00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:38,283
Attention, students.
The halls of our prestigious institution
914
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:43,048
have been compromised
by the stench of cyber bullying.
915
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,441
It is the stench of ones and zeroes
916
00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:49,605
and electronic hardware probably
manufactured somewhere in China.
917
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:53,566
But these "YOLO terrorists"
will not be tolerated.
918
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:57,321
Malloy High will now be put
under Internet martial law.
919
00:47:57,480 --> 00:47:58,561
That's right.
920
00:47:58,720 --> 00:48:00,240
BUCHANON:
Each student will be required
921
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:03,125
to turn in their phones to teachers
and retrieve at the end of the day
922
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:05,123
until we have gotten
to the bottom of this.
923
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:08,329
No more phone.
Oh, can you hear me now, jerks?
924
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:11,370
There will be no Vine,
no Flickr, no Tumblr,
925
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:14,967
- no Tinder, no Facebook, no Hulu...
- Just say no Internet. We get it.
926
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:19,165
...no Grindr, no WhatsApp,
no Instagram, no Pinterest,
927
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:21,527
no wiki anything.
928
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:23,685
That is all.
929
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:24,921
Fight on, Blue Devils.
930
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:27,287
Oh, and remember, it gets better.
931
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:29,249
- What?
FILLMORE: You heard him.
932
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:30,640
Drop them in the box.
933
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,889
You can pick them up
after school, maybe.
934
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:37,010
God, I've waited a long time for this.
935
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:39,003
All of them, Robert.
936
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:41,885
Mm-hm.
937
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:45,485
All of them.
938
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:48,601
Thank you.
939
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:50,762
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
940
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:52,601
What's that buzzing I hear?
941
00:48:58,720 --> 00:48:59,801
Dick.
942
00:48:59,960 --> 00:49:02,008
That's gross.
943
00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:04,682
Oh, I don't think he meant me too.
944
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:07,047
Hit "send," drop.
945
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:12,211
When I went to high school in the '90s,
we didn't have emoticons.
946
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:14,522
We had actual facial expressions.
947
00:49:14,720 --> 00:49:16,051
Look into it.
948
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:18,250
BOY:
What's up, narc?
949
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:20,721
BIANCA: Not only was I
the school's most famous DUFF,
950
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:22,530
I was now the least-liked
person in it.
951
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:25,570
- Thanks for destroying my life.
- I just thought of something funny,
952
00:49:25,720 --> 00:49:27,848
and now nobody's gonna know.
Hope you're happy.
953
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:29,570
These are useless.
954
00:49:29,720 --> 00:49:32,405
BIANCA:
It could not have gotten worse.
955
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:34,280
Oh, wait.
956
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:35,805
Of course it could.
957
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:48,042
[CELL PHONES RINGING
AND BUZZING]
958
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:51,281
[DOG BARKING ON PHONE]
959
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:54,171
[SIR MIX-A-LOT'S "I LIKE BIG BUTTS"
PLAYING ON PHONE]
960
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:00,043
WESLEY:
Yeah, Matt and I, last cup, boom, hit it.
961
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:01,247
You happy now?
962
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:03,365
Is this one of your lessons?
963
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:07,451
Hey, dummy humper, I found you
a new boyfriend in health class.
964
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:08,840
This is Toby too.
965
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:10,411
What do you think?
966
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:11,641
Oh, Toby.
967
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:13,889
Oh, just give it to me, Toby.
968
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:17,203
Oh, just a little pinch right there.
Just... Oh, he's dirty.
969
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:19,203
Oh, he's going to town on me, Toby.
970
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:21,328
- Oh, Toby.
- Are you gonna do anything?
971
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,290
MATT: You're my special little Toby.
I can take you home with me.
972
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:26,808
Boobs look good. New bra?
973
00:50:29,240 --> 00:50:30,685
BIANCA:
Thanks a lot.
974
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:32,291
[CROWD LAUGHING]
975
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:34,409
Oh, peaches and pears.
976
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:36,927
- Can I have peaches and pears?
- Okay.
977
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:50,408
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
978
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:56,007
WESLEY:
Hey, Bianca, it's Wesley.
979
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:03,246
Hey, look, I just...
I wanted to say that...
980
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:04,447
[GRUNTS]
981
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:07,441
Can I come in?
982
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:10,490
Mm-hm.
983
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:15,050
WESLEY:
I deserved that.
984
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:19,091
Here.
985
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:22,047
I promise,
I didn't send the video, okay?
986
00:51:22,200 --> 00:51:24,771
I overheard Madison bragging about it
to her friends.
987
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:28,242
I mean, the angles weren't even
from where I was sitting.
988
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:33,725
Why is your hand messed up?
989
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:37,282
Well, you're not the only one
running around punching people today.
990
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:39,602
No one else sees that video.
Tell everyone.
991
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:41,524
I don't know that many people.
992
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:45,207
Well, make some more friends
and tell them.
993
00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:47,561
What?
994
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:50,727
Mm.
995
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:54,884
Thanks.
996
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:58,410
I've never had anybody
go on a punching spree for me before.
997
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:00,086
Well, don't get used to it.
998
00:52:00,240 --> 00:52:02,083
Now there's rumors going around
I'm on 'roids.
999
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:06,725
- Aren't you? Heh.
- Well, irregardless...
1000
00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:11,568
- Not a word.
- Well, irregardless of that...
1001
00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:14,242
- A little peace offering.
- Oh, my God.
1002
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:17,808
Wes, the dress?
1003
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:19,405
You didn't have to do this.
1004
00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:21,801
I never should've called you
the DUFF, okay?
1005
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:23,769
That was stupid.
1006
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:26,645
- We good?
- We're good.
1007
00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:28,484
Thank you.
1008
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:31,769
You know what's not good
is I saw Toby today.
1009
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:33,325
He could barely look at me.
1010
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,370
I think I'm just gonna, like,
write him a really long letter
1011
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:37,567
just apologizing profusely
1012
00:52:37,720 --> 00:52:40,121
and, you know, maybe send him
an Edible Arrangement.
1013
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:41,520
Stop, stop. Edible Arrangement?
1014
00:52:41,720 --> 00:52:44,530
Look, you don't have to apologize
for anything, okay?
1015
00:52:44,720 --> 00:52:46,961
- Step six...
- Let's let the steps go.
1016
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:50,761
Step six: Just own it.
Grow some balls.
1017
00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:55,084
Tell him you know the video sucks,
but you're into him, and to deal with it.
1018
00:52:55,240 --> 00:52:57,208
And if he's still weird, he's a jackass.
1019
00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:59,402
Sometimes it's that simple.
1020
00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:01,608
Now, I'm off to study Hess's law
1021
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:05,446
and how it relates
to enthalpic chemical change. Aww.
1022
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:07,807
Who are you
and what have you done with Wes?
1023
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:10,042
Or maybe I'll Google celeb nip slips.
Curtains open.
1024
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:11,247
[WHISTLES]
1025
00:53:11,560 --> 00:53:13,005
- There he is.
- See you tomorrow.
1026
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:14,685
See you.
1027
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:20,726
WOMAN: Here are your phones, kids.
GIRL 1: Thank you.
1028
00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:24,447
BOY 1: Thanks.
BOY 2: Oh, yeah.
1029
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:27,244
Thanks.
1030
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:28,731
WOMAN:
Everyone, get your phones.
1031
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:30,166
GIRL 2:
Thank you.
1032
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:32,445
WOMAN:
Hey, you're welcome.
1033
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:38,405
Hey there.
1034
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:39,846
Hey, Bianca.
1035
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:44,283
Got a second to talk to a fan?
1036
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:45,965
Yeah, sure, what's up?
1037
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:49,811
I'm assuming you've seen the video.
1038
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:54,284
- Heh. Yeah.
- Um, it's true.
1039
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:57,171
I am into you.
1040
00:53:57,320 --> 00:54:00,210
And so I thought
I should just be straightforward
1041
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:01,850
and tell you to your face.
1042
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:03,650
Wow.
1043
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:05,490
I'm flattered.
1044
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:08,166
And impressed. Ha, ha.
1045
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:10,846
Not a lot of people would have
the balls to say all that.
1046
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:12,923
Well, that's my whole thing.
1047
00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:15,811
- Big old balls.
- Ha, ha. Right.
1048
00:54:17,720 --> 00:54:20,485
I think this is the first time
that you and I have ever really talked.
1049
00:54:21,840 --> 00:54:22,921
It's kind of nice.
1050
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:25,289
Yeah, it is.
1051
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:27,529
- All right, well...
BIANCA: Okay.
1052
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:28,886
- Well, yeah.
TOBY: So, uh...
1053
00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:31,646
- I'll, uh, see you around.
TOBY: Okay.
1054
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:33,290
BIANCA: All right.
- Thanks.
1055
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:35,568
- See you.
- Bye. Ha, ha.
1056
00:54:35,720 --> 00:54:37,848
Bye. We said it at the same time.
1057
00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:40,042
- Bye-bye.
TOBY: Bye.
1058
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:42,130
BIANCA:
Oh, shit.
1059
00:54:44,520 --> 00:54:46,443
We should, uh, hang out sometime.
1060
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:50,449
Yeah, I'd like that.
1061
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:53,405
- How's this Friday?
- This Friday, hmm,
1062
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:56,843
is, uh, gonna be fine for me.
It's good.
1063
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:58,240
Cool. Meet at my house?
1064
00:54:58,440 --> 00:55:01,011
- Seven o'clock?
- Yes, 7 is good.
1065
00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:02,924
- All right.
BIANCA: See you.
1066
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:05,526
- Bye. Ha-ha-ha.
- Bye.
1067
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:07,091
TOBY:
Bye.
1068
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:28,245
- Wes.
BOY: Hey.
1069
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:29,845
- What the hell?
- You embarrassed?
1070
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:32,040
- Now you know how it feels.
- Whoa, who let her in?
1071
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:34,845
- Wes?
- Whoa, Bianca, what the hell is this?
1072
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:37,367
Ah, kind of looks like a penis,
only smaller.
1073
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:38,721
[BOYS LAUGHING]
1074
00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:40,450
Wes?
1075
00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:43,761
WESLEY:
Wow, boys' locker room. Nice.
1076
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:46,082
Oh, uh...
1077
00:55:46,240 --> 00:55:49,926
I need to talk to you
about something.
1078
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,447
- So...
- Mm-hm. What?
1079
00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:55,570
- You have a question? Hmm?
- Yeah. Don't do that.
1080
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:58,491
- Hmm? Question? You do.
BIANCA: Uh... Heh.
1081
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:00,165
- Stop.
- You don't.
1082
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:03,005
Ha, ha. Come on, please.
It's important.
1083
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:04,889
- What do you want?
BIANCA: Let's go.
1084
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:07,168
- Okay.
- Ugh.
1085
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:10,124
- So you asked him out?
BIANCA: Yeah.
1086
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:11,361
- That's awesome.
- Yeah.
1087
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:13,329
What's the problem?
1088
00:56:13,520 --> 00:56:18,128
If you must know, I've never been
on an actual date before.
1089
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:21,847
Okay, okay. Sit down, sit down.
1090
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:24,128
We got this. Come here. All right.
1091
00:56:28,760 --> 00:56:31,286
Step seven: the date.
Okay, we need a plan.
1092
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:33,920
You think a football team runs
on the field without a strategy?
1093
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:35,451
Eh... Mm.
1094
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:38,524
- Exactly, no. Of course they don't.
- No, of course they don't.
1095
00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:41,650
You want this date to end with you
making out, you need to think ahead.
1096
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:44,644
So give me the vibe of the restaurant
you're going for.
1097
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:46,848
Okay, I'm thinking something
kind of trendy,
1098
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:49,128
you know, kind of hipster,
maybe unique?
1099
00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:51,601
- Done. Dave & Buster's.
- Huh?
1100
00:56:51,800 --> 00:56:55,009
- The place with the metal claw game?
- You bet your ass.
1101
00:56:55,480 --> 00:56:58,927
WESLEY:
Okay, you, Toby. Let's get started.
1102
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:03,003
Worst scenario is if you get seated at
a table right across from each other.
1103
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:06,528
Okay, no one's making out if they're
three feet apart. Simple geology.
1104
00:57:06,680 --> 00:57:08,682
You need a booth, okay?
It's better for flirting,
1105
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:12,890
not-so-accidental touching,
making out. Game on.
1106
00:57:13,040 --> 00:57:16,283
Wow, I had no idea guys like you
even thought about this kind of stuff.
1107
00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:19,887
Well, that's because you're racist
against jocks. You're a jock-cist.
1108
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:21,851
Okay, moving on.
1109
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:24,247
Okay, so how do you
set the tone at dinner?
1110
00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:28,924
Lighting matters, okay?
The darker the booth, the better.
1111
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:32,564
Lighting, dark booth.
Got it. What's next?
1112
00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:33,841
Body language.
1113
00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:36,927
Is he leaning in?
1114
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:39,721
- Is he sitting close?
- I don't know...
1115
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:41,609
WESLEY:
And then it's all about interaction.
1116
00:57:41,760 --> 00:57:44,730
Is he trying to impress you?
1117
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:48,010
Does he say complimentary things
to you?
1118
00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:50,891
If yes, chances are
he's gonna make his move.
1119
00:57:51,040 --> 00:57:53,168
And touchdown.
1120
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:54,407
Wes.
1121
00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:56,562
I always wanted to do that
to the coach's board.
1122
00:57:56,720 --> 00:57:58,688
It's big because it's on a chalkboard.
1123
00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:01,241
We gotta go. Come on.
Let's go, let's go.
1124
00:58:03,560 --> 00:58:05,767
Hey, DUFF queen, wanna show me
some of them moves?
1125
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:07,166
Shh.
1126
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:10,450
ARTHUR: Bianca?
BIANCA: Yes.
1127
00:58:10,600 --> 00:58:12,921
The video was hysterical. Eat a dick.
1128
00:58:13,080 --> 00:58:15,970
Thanks. I just had a bagel,
though, so I'm full.
1129
00:58:16,120 --> 00:58:18,805
Mr. Arthur, I'm really sorry. I...
1130
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:21,440
ARTHUR: No, don't worry about it.
Step into my hallway.
1131
00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:25,087
I don't play favorites,
but you're my favorite.
1132
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:29,767
You ever heard the phrase
"The pen is mightier than the sword"?
1133
00:58:29,920 --> 00:58:31,763
Yeah, and in this case,
1134
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:34,969
a bunch of kids anonymously typing
whatever comments they want
1135
00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:36,645
feels like an atomic bomb,
1136
00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:39,770
and that's definitely mightier
than a sword.
1137
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:43,561
So make your writing
have a positive effect.
1138
00:58:43,720 --> 00:58:46,530
As in a certain homecoming article
that's due.
1139
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,047
Oh, please, Mr. Arthur,
1140
00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:51,601
the last thing I wanna do
is go to a place
1141
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:53,922
where everybody hates me
and then write about it.
1142
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:55,969
I picked you for a reason.
1143
00:58:56,120 --> 00:59:00,091
And whatever you write, I'm running it
as our lead, so make it count.
1144
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:04,848
Inspire us. Remember,
the pen is mightier than the sword.
1145
00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:06,520
[STUDENTS SHOUTING
INDISTINCTLY]
1146
00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:08,330
Simon, get your finger out of there.
1147
00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:09,601
SIMON:
You're not my father.
1148
00:59:09,760 --> 00:59:11,250
ARTHUR:
Yes, I am your daddy, Simon.
1149
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:16,761
MAN: What do you want me to say?
I have nothing to say.
1150
00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:20,561
WOMAN: I do everything around
this house, and you don't do...
1151
00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:22,927
MAN: Oh, here we go.
WOMAN: Well, it's the truth.
1152
00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:24,520
MAN:
Wesley, will you get the door?!
1153
00:59:24,640 --> 00:59:27,041
WOMAN: Oh, don't yell at him.
He has nothing to do with this.
1154
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:29,123
MAN:
Save it for therapy, okay, honey?
1155
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:32,727
- Wesley, get the door!
WESLEY: Okay, enough, I got it.
1156
00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:34,729
Hey, ready to go get down
1157
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:38,402
- with some bro-valent electrons?
- Yeah.
1158
00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:49,408
- Do you wanna talk about it?
- I'd like to not talk.
1159
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:52,649
Hmm. Well, I know just the place.
1160
00:59:56,840 --> 00:59:59,366
WESLEY: You see why I need
that scholarship?
1161
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:04,683
WESLEY:
Hey, B, where the hell are we going?
1162
01:00:04,840 --> 01:00:07,161
My special place. You'll see.
1163
01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:09,846
- Is this where you kill me?
- Ha, ha. Yes.
1164
01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:11,963
They're never gonna find you
out here.
1165
01:00:13,000 --> 01:00:14,411
Aha.
1166
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:19,609
I give you Think Rock.
1167
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,168
- Huh?
- Wow. Um...
1168
01:00:23,320 --> 01:00:24,890
What happens here?
1169
01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:30,365
Well, it's gonna blow your mind,
but sit on the rock.
1170
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:32,050
- Unh.
- Good, good.
1171
01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:35,568
And then you think.
1172
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:37,725
Try it.
1173
01:00:42,760 --> 01:00:44,683
How'd you find this place?
1174
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:47,161
I used to run up here a lot
with Pepper,
1175
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:51,405
and she would always make
a direct beeline to this rock.
1176
01:00:51,560 --> 01:00:53,369
I remember Pepper.
1177
01:00:53,720 --> 01:00:55,324
How's she doing?
1178
01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:57,923
I guess she's okay.
1179
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:01,323
When my parents got divorced,
my mom wanted custody of me,
1180
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:04,450
and my dad wanted custody
of the dog.
1181
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:05,806
- Wow.
- Yeah, so I think that
1182
01:01:05,960 --> 01:01:08,770
pretty much sums it up right there.
1183
01:01:15,120 --> 01:01:16,645
Are your...?
1184
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:21,003
- Are your parents gonna get divorced?
- God, I hope so.
1185
01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:23,686
I just... I...
1186
01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:27,444
It's okay.
1187
01:01:28,240 --> 01:01:30,004
It's not okay.
1188
01:01:31,080 --> 01:01:32,764
But it will be.
1189
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:34,407
I promise.
1190
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:49,002
I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't...
1191
01:01:49,160 --> 01:01:51,686
Oh. No, I... It's okay, I...
1192
01:01:51,840 --> 01:01:53,968
- What, um...? Were you...?
- That... You know what?
1193
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:58,011
That was... Uh, that was practice.
1194
01:01:58,320 --> 01:02:00,129
Sorry, practice for...?
1195
01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:03,045
For step eight, okay, for...
Of the plan.
1196
01:02:03,200 --> 01:02:07,728
That was practice in case you hadn't
made out with anyone in a while.
1197
01:02:08,280 --> 01:02:09,566
Huh.
1198
01:02:09,720 --> 01:02:11,529
It's all part of the plan?
1199
01:02:11,680 --> 01:02:15,526
It's just practice, just a guerrilla-style
practice session?
1200
01:02:15,680 --> 01:02:18,126
- Sneak attack.
- Hm, hm.
1201
01:02:18,280 --> 01:02:19,930
Really?
1202
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:22,402
Mm-hm, okay.
1203
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:27,046
Is that what it felt like?
1204
01:02:27,200 --> 01:02:31,649
That I hadn't made out with anyone
in a while or whatever?
1205
01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:35,725
Well, I mean,
I'm more of a tongue guy myself, but...
1206
01:02:35,880 --> 01:02:39,407
You don't say?
I think I felt it poking out my butthole.
1207
01:02:39,560 --> 01:02:42,962
- Ha-ha-ha.
- So far down my throat. Ha, ha.
1208
01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:45,441
Are you giving me kissing advice?
1209
01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:47,605
Man, I guess I am.
1210
01:02:47,760 --> 01:02:50,001
- B.
- You need it.
1211
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:51,606
That's how people kiss.
1212
01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:55,247
Uh, in porn, maybe.
1213
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:56,606
What's wrong with porn?
1214
01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:58,410
If this was a porn movie,
1215
01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:00,720
we wouldn't be sitting on a rock
having a conversation.
1216
01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:03,201
You know,
you'd be bringing me a pizza
1217
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:06,887
or, um, you know, cleaning my pool.
1218
01:03:07,040 --> 01:03:09,327
How old is the porn
you're watching?
1219
01:03:09,480 --> 01:03:11,960
That doesn't... That's not...
That's not even a thing anymore.
1220
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:14,691
- They don't do that?
- Ha, ha.
1221
01:03:14,840 --> 01:03:16,569
All right, you know what?
1222
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:18,729
I'm gonna give you a lesson.
1223
01:03:18,880 --> 01:03:21,406
It's gonna be free.
The first one's always free.
1224
01:03:21,560 --> 01:03:23,688
All right,
this is how girls like to be kissed.
1225
01:03:23,840 --> 01:03:26,081
- We're doing this?
- We're doing this.
1226
01:03:27,360 --> 01:03:29,408
- Close your eyes. Ha, ha.
- Heh.
1227
01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:32,370
- Ready.
- Okay, okay. Lean in.
1228
01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:36,650
Hey-oh. Go slow, okay?
Let the tension build.
1229
01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:38,401
So much to learn.
1230
01:03:38,560 --> 01:03:41,404
- Okay, ready?
- No.
1231
01:03:41,560 --> 01:03:42,561
[LAUGHS]
1232
01:03:42,720 --> 01:03:45,530
Okay, now lean in.
1233
01:03:45,960 --> 01:03:47,450
Slow.
1234
01:03:50,760 --> 01:03:52,410
Oh, no.
1235
01:03:52,560 --> 01:03:53,766
That was a good one.
1236
01:03:53,920 --> 01:03:57,163
- You are a phenomenal kisser.
- Ha-ha-ha.
1237
01:03:57,320 --> 01:03:59,607
- Thank you. That's how we like it.
- What is that?
1238
01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:04,762
Are you feeling a little better?
1239
01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:07,400
- Hmm?
- Yeah, okay, a little bit.
1240
01:04:07,840 --> 01:04:09,683
You're welcome.
1241
01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:11,001
Come on, let's go.
1242
01:04:11,200 --> 01:04:13,009
We have a date
with the periodic chart.
1243
01:04:13,200 --> 01:04:15,601
The only periodic chart I know
is the one that tells me
1244
01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:18,923
what time of the month
to avoid Madison. Hey!
1245
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:21,885
- I'm not gonna high-five you on that.
WESLEY: Come on, science jokes.
1246
01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:24,560
BIANCA: Know how they say
"The hills have eyes"?
1247
01:04:24,720 --> 01:04:26,360
Well, it turns out
the shrubs have bitches
1248
01:04:26,480 --> 01:04:28,608
- who videotape everything.
WESLEY: Oh, here we go.
1249
01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:29,926
BIANCA:
Well, you don't.
1250
01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:31,520
WESLEY:
Ever been kicked in the nuts?
1251
01:04:31,640 --> 01:04:34,803
BIANCA: Oh, God,
you always come back with that.
1252
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:40,566
- Hey, B.
- Madison, how are you?
1253
01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:43,451
Do you wanna see something
hysterical? Hold on.
1254
01:04:43,840 --> 01:04:45,524
Watch this.
1255
01:04:45,680 --> 01:04:47,364
[MUSIC PLAYING ON PHONE]
1256
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:49,921
MADISON: Did you see the way
that guy looked at you?
1257
01:04:50,080 --> 01:04:52,447
- This part's the best.
MAN: Definitely not.
1258
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:55,604
MADISON:
Wait, just look at your face. Ha, ha.
1259
01:04:55,760 --> 01:04:58,604
Oh, don't worry, um,
it's a working title.
1260
01:04:58,760 --> 01:05:03,209
You know, I was thinking maybe
"retail slut" or just "slut whore."
1261
01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:05,529
You thought the first video was bad.
1262
01:05:05,680 --> 01:05:08,047
Boy, this one's gonna destroy you.
1263
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:10,005
What do you want from me?
1264
01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:13,323
Oh, I think it's adorable that Wesley
indulged you in a pity make-out.
1265
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:15,130
Oh, no, no.
1266
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:17,089
I don't even know how you...
1267
01:05:17,240 --> 01:05:19,083
But it...
That wasn't what it looked like.
1268
01:05:19,240 --> 01:05:20,651
Yeah, no shit, it's not.
1269
01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:22,848
Because Wesley and I
are getting back together.
1270
01:05:23,480 --> 01:05:27,405
- Hmm. ls Wesley aware of this?
- He will be made aware.
1271
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:31,362
- Look, Bianca, I've tried to be nice.
BIANCA: Have you?
1272
01:05:31,520 --> 01:05:33,887
Shh. So let me put this
a little differently.
1273
01:05:34,040 --> 01:05:36,520
I don't like people
thinking of my ex-boyfriend
1274
01:05:36,680 --> 01:05:38,364
hitting it with someone like you.
1275
01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:39,931
The thing you have to understand
1276
01:05:40,120 --> 01:05:43,886
is what happens in high school
is gonna stay with us forever.
1277
01:05:44,080 --> 01:05:47,289
Most people don't think that,
but then again, most people are losers.
1278
01:05:47,440 --> 01:05:51,445
- Mm. Fascinating.
- People like me matter here.
1279
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:53,523
People like you will never matter.
1280
01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:56,891
So stop messing it up
for those of us who do.
1281
01:05:57,880 --> 01:05:59,609
See you in math.
1282
01:06:02,360 --> 01:06:03,885
BIANCA:
In the past, her threat alone
1283
01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:06,008
would've been enough
to make me hide under my bed.
1284
01:06:06,160 --> 01:06:09,607
But I wasn't even trying to hook up
with Wesley Rush.
1285
01:06:09,760 --> 01:06:11,683
I couldn't even imagine it.
1286
01:06:11,840 --> 01:06:15,322
I'm horny for sex.
1287
01:06:15,480 --> 01:06:17,767
- Oh!
- Oh, hey.
1288
01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:19,729
Someone's pool need cleaning?
1289
01:06:19,880 --> 01:06:22,087
Also I brought pizza.
1290
01:06:22,720 --> 01:06:26,406
And I like to have sex with girls.
1291
01:06:26,560 --> 01:06:28,562
I'm a girl.
1292
01:06:32,960 --> 01:06:34,564
WESLEY: Ow.
- Hmm.
1293
01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:36,280
BIANCA:
Okay, maybe I could imagine it,
1294
01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:39,131
but I had to stay focused
on my Toby mission.
1295
01:06:44,280 --> 01:06:46,647
Date night.
I worked up all my courage
1296
01:06:46,800 --> 01:06:48,928
and tried on the dress
Wesley gave me.
1297
01:06:49,080 --> 01:06:52,801
In my head, I think I was expecting
some big reality-show reveal.
1298
01:06:52,960 --> 01:06:54,610
All right.
1299
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:56,603
BIANCA:
But it was just me.
1300
01:06:56,760 --> 01:06:58,649
Me in a dress.
1301
01:06:59,200 --> 01:07:01,771
BIANCA:
Ma, I'm off to my big night.
1302
01:07:01,920 --> 01:07:03,809
Whoa, look at you.
1303
01:07:03,960 --> 01:07:05,530
Wow, look at you.
1304
01:07:05,680 --> 01:07:07,489
Look at you not in a pantsuit.
1305
01:07:07,640 --> 01:07:10,211
I know. I have my first Internet date.
1306
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:13,967
We both like Thai food,
are athletically toned and lying about it.
1307
01:07:14,120 --> 01:07:15,963
Oh, my God.
1308
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:18,726
- That dress is beautiful on you.
- Thanks.
1309
01:07:18,880 --> 01:07:21,406
- Wes gave it to me.
- Oh, what are you two doing tonight?
1310
01:07:22,080 --> 01:07:24,686
Oh, no, heh, not...
I'm not going out with Wes.
1311
01:07:24,840 --> 01:07:28,003
I'm going out with Toby.
Toby's the guy that I like.
1312
01:07:28,160 --> 01:07:29,810
Right, well, that should be fun.
1313
01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:33,407
Yeah. I actually kind of feel
nervous about it
1314
01:07:33,560 --> 01:07:36,131
just because I feel like
I might say something stupid,
1315
01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:38,561
- and I don't really know when...
- Honey, stop.
1316
01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:41,929
Believe, retrieve, achieve.
1317
01:07:42,080 --> 01:07:43,969
It is a mantra
that I teach all of my clients
1318
01:07:44,160 --> 01:07:45,650
who suffer
from performance anxiety.
1319
01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:47,882
Believe it happened yesterday.
1320
01:07:48,080 --> 01:07:49,366
Retrieve your confidence.
1321
01:07:49,520 --> 01:07:50,931
Achieve your goals.
1322
01:07:51,080 --> 01:07:53,606
- Just don't conceive.
- Mm.
1323
01:07:53,760 --> 01:07:57,765
Okay. Well, I'm off to do some
believing and hopefully achieving.
1324
01:07:57,920 --> 01:08:00,366
- Love you, have fun.
- Unless there was something else.
1325
01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:03,764
Nope, I'm good. See you, have fun.
1326
01:08:12,160 --> 01:08:14,845
Hey, look at you.
1327
01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:16,889
Studying almost like
you were a real student.
1328
01:08:17,520 --> 01:08:19,727
Actually, I'm just waiting
for strangers to walk by
1329
01:08:19,880 --> 01:08:21,689
so I can show them this bad boy.
1330
01:08:22,320 --> 01:08:23,481
Hey-oh!
1331
01:08:23,640 --> 01:08:26,769
Oh, you're not the only B in my life.
Suck it, science.
1332
01:08:26,920 --> 01:08:28,649
That is actually incredible.
1333
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:30,370
I can't believe it. Congratulations.
1334
01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:32,682
Coach says I might get to play
some football this year.
1335
01:08:32,840 --> 01:08:34,080
What?
1336
01:08:34,240 --> 01:08:36,766
- I'm so proud of you. Good job.
- Ah.
1337
01:08:36,960 --> 01:08:38,530
[BIANCA CHUCKLES]
1338
01:08:38,680 --> 01:08:39,920
Wow.
1339
01:08:40,680 --> 01:08:45,846
- Ah, my dress.
- Ah? Not bad for a DUFF, am I right?
1340
01:08:46,240 --> 01:08:48,004
It's my big Toby date night.
1341
01:08:48,160 --> 01:08:50,003
Off to a nice evening
1342
01:08:50,160 --> 01:08:53,721
of talking about the finer things in life
with a fellow intellectual?
1343
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:57,043
Yes, please. Ha, ha.
1344
01:08:57,720 --> 01:09:00,690
So, I mean, how do I look?
Is this good, coach? Come on.
1345
01:09:01,880 --> 01:09:03,291
You look good.
1346
01:09:03,440 --> 01:09:06,410
Good?
Wow, that's really a rave review.
1347
01:09:06,560 --> 01:09:10,485
I just mean that you look good,
but you don't look like you.
1348
01:09:11,560 --> 01:09:14,006
What? What are you talking about?
1349
01:09:14,160 --> 01:09:18,085
- What do you mean? No, tell me.
- Nothing, nothing. You look fantastic.
1350
01:09:18,240 --> 01:09:21,005
I got my grades up, you got your date.
We're good.
1351
01:09:21,920 --> 01:09:24,605
- Are you sure? You're being weird.
- You're being weird, okay?
1352
01:09:24,800 --> 01:09:26,928
- Go.
- Okay, I'll tell you how it goes.
1353
01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:28,923
- All right.
- Okay, bye.
1354
01:09:29,080 --> 01:09:30,491
Bye.
1355
01:09:30,680 --> 01:09:32,648
Wish me luck.
1356
01:09:32,800 --> 01:09:34,290
Good luck.
1357
01:09:48,280 --> 01:09:50,521
- Hey.
- Hi.
1358
01:09:50,680 --> 01:09:52,444
Come on in.
1359
01:09:53,520 --> 01:09:56,569
- Wow, you really dressed up.
- Oh?
1360
01:09:56,720 --> 01:09:58,768
This old thing? Ha, ha.
1361
01:09:58,960 --> 01:10:00,610
Um, so hey,
where do you wanna go?
1362
01:10:00,760 --> 01:10:03,127
Because I actually heard
that Dave & Buster's
1363
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:06,329
is, like, the cool, hip new spot.
1364
01:10:06,480 --> 01:10:08,050
The place
with the metal claw game?
1365
01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:10,646
- Yeah, that's the one. Fun, right?
- Yeah. Ha, ha.
1366
01:10:10,800 --> 01:10:12,080
Well, I do love Dave & Buster's,
1367
01:10:12,200 --> 01:10:14,965
but I actually took the liberty
of making a reservation already.
1368
01:10:15,120 --> 01:10:18,044
Hope this is okay.
Thought we could eat here tonight.
1369
01:10:18,200 --> 01:10:21,363
I've been teaching myself
how to make sushi online.
1370
01:10:21,520 --> 01:10:23,682
I just thought it would be,
you know, more personal.
1371
01:10:23,840 --> 01:10:24,887
Yeah, I like that.
1372
01:10:25,040 --> 01:10:26,121
[TIMER DINGS]
1373
01:10:26,320 --> 01:10:27,970
Oh, uh,
those are the baked crab rolls.
1374
01:10:28,160 --> 01:10:30,561
Make yourself at home.
That's Japanese tea, by the way.
1375
01:10:30,720 --> 01:10:33,121
- So enjoy.
- Okay.
1376
01:10:34,360 --> 01:10:36,761
BIANCA: Nightmare. I'd only been
trained for Dave & Buster's.
1377
01:10:36,960 --> 01:10:40,248
What did Wes say? That "no one's
making out if they're three feet apart."
1378
01:10:41,120 --> 01:10:42,360
Okay.
1379
01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:47,166
Oh, Jesus.
1380
01:10:57,920 --> 01:11:00,400
Hey. Oh. Uh...
1381
01:11:00,560 --> 01:11:03,530
- Everything okay?
- Oh, yeah. No, uh, I was getting...
1382
01:11:03,680 --> 01:11:07,127
I was feeling, like, a draft over
when I was here,
1383
01:11:07,320 --> 01:11:10,563
so I just kind of scooted it on
over here.
1384
01:11:10,720 --> 01:11:13,121
- I can turn off the air.
- Oh, okay. Whatever.
1385
01:11:13,280 --> 01:11:15,123
That's probably a good idea.
1386
01:11:15,560 --> 01:11:18,291
BIANCA:
The vibe. Darker the better.
1387
01:11:20,520 --> 01:11:21,931
Okay.
1388
01:11:23,120 --> 01:11:26,761
Really? What kind of light...?
1389
01:11:31,520 --> 01:11:33,841
- What?
- Hey, Bianca. That's better...
1390
01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:37,163
- Oh. Did we blow a fuse?
- I guess we did.
1391
01:11:37,320 --> 01:11:39,846
I was just over here
looking at this picture of you
1392
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:42,890
in the tiny sweatpants,
and it got dark.
1393
01:11:43,040 --> 01:11:44,246
I don't know. It's crazy.
1394
01:11:44,440 --> 01:11:46,568
I'll just flip the breakers,
turn all the lights on.
1395
01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:50,327
Oh, you're gonna turn all the...?
Turn them all back on? Okay.
1396
01:11:50,880 --> 01:11:54,248
- What?
- Oh! Hey, let there be light, right?
1397
01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:56,402
Yeah. From the Bible.
1398
01:11:56,560 --> 01:11:58,005
Cool. That's crazy.
1399
01:11:58,160 --> 01:12:01,243
- What's the crab doing right now?
- Oh, I'll go get him.
1400
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:02,765
Okay, great.
1401
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:06,049
I can't believe you made
all this sushi.
1402
01:12:06,200 --> 01:12:09,090
This is like restaurant-quality sushi.
1403
01:12:09,240 --> 01:12:11,480
Like, look at this. Do you have
a special tool for these?
1404
01:12:11,600 --> 01:12:13,568
Ha, ha. It took a few hours.
1405
01:12:13,760 --> 01:12:16,730
If it has to do with my hands,
I usually pick it up really quickly.
1406
01:12:16,880 --> 01:12:18,644
That's actually how I got into guitar.
1407
01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:21,371
- Oh, yeah. Tell me more about that.
- I was a terrible student.
1408
01:12:21,560 --> 01:12:22,641
[TOBY LAUGHS]
1409
01:12:22,800 --> 01:12:24,689
And so my mom used to stand
outside my room
1410
01:12:24,840 --> 01:12:27,241
to make sure
that I was doing my homework.
1411
01:12:28,840 --> 01:12:30,126
Game on.
1412
01:12:30,320 --> 01:12:33,767
- What?
- I said, go on with the story,
1413
01:12:33,920 --> 01:12:35,445
because I'm loving it.
1414
01:12:35,600 --> 01:12:39,889
So then I just started writing poems,
and those poems became songs and...
1415
01:12:40,080 --> 01:12:41,969
That is so cool.
1416
01:12:42,120 --> 01:12:43,963
I want you to take me...
1417
01:12:44,120 --> 01:12:46,043
Take me on this table right now.
1418
01:12:53,800 --> 01:12:55,802
[BOTH MOANING]
1419
01:13:00,800 --> 01:13:02,928
What's up? Oh, California roll?
1420
01:13:03,640 --> 01:13:05,449
- Mm. Oof!
- Ew!
1421
01:13:06,440 --> 01:13:07,566
TOBY:
Are you okay?
1422
01:13:08,240 --> 01:13:09,730
Ah.
1423
01:13:09,880 --> 01:13:14,124
Ah, yeah, I'm just really
feeling this sushi.
1424
01:13:14,320 --> 01:13:16,129
It's really...
It's doing something to me.
1425
01:13:16,280 --> 01:13:18,282
Ha, ha. Yeah. Well, thanks.
1426
01:13:18,440 --> 01:13:21,489
No, like I said,
it's the poetry of the chord progression
1427
01:13:21,640 --> 01:13:24,166
intertwining with the poetry
of the lyrics.
1428
01:13:24,320 --> 01:13:26,049
It's like two people in love.
1429
01:13:26,200 --> 01:13:28,567
Yeah, like a midget jerking it.
Meow, meow, meow-meow.
1430
01:13:28,720 --> 01:13:29,801
[LAUGHS]
1431
01:13:29,960 --> 01:13:32,611
Yeah, funny. Actually,
that kind of reminds me of a song
1432
01:13:32,800 --> 01:13:34,564
that I wrote a few weeks ago.
1433
01:13:34,760 --> 01:13:37,331
I could play it for you later if you like.
1434
01:13:38,720 --> 01:13:40,768
- Yeah, totally.
- Yeah, totally.
1435
01:13:40,920 --> 01:13:42,684
You know, I've been working
on a poem myself.
1436
01:13:42,840 --> 01:13:45,650
There once a boy named Toby Tucker
Bianca Piper just wished he would...
1437
01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:50,328
Okay, I think
I'm gonna use the bathroom.
1438
01:13:50,480 --> 01:13:51,686
Where is it?
1439
01:13:53,080 --> 01:13:55,003
What are you doing to me out there?
1440
01:13:55,200 --> 01:13:57,282
What...?
You're not into Wesley, are you?
1441
01:13:57,440 --> 01:14:00,171
You bet your ass, you are. Whoo!
Who's number one in your brain?
1442
01:14:00,320 --> 01:14:01,840
- No. Get out.
- This guy. This guy is.
1443
01:14:01,960 --> 01:14:03,644
- Yeah.
- Get out.
1444
01:14:03,800 --> 01:14:06,929
Okay, you've gotta
pull it together, okay?
1445
01:14:07,080 --> 01:14:11,290
Toby Tucker is gonna play you a song,
and you're gonna love it.
1446
01:14:11,680 --> 01:14:13,364
Here we go.
1447
01:14:14,760 --> 01:14:16,762
[STRUMMING GUITAR]
1448
01:14:18,320 --> 01:14:20,049
Are you okay? Little cold?
1449
01:14:20,200 --> 01:14:21,804
I'm a little chilly, yeah.
1450
01:14:21,960 --> 01:14:23,928
Oh, hang on.
1451
01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:32,245
There you go. Better?
1452
01:14:32,440 --> 01:14:36,126
Yeah, definitely. Thanks.
1453
01:14:36,960 --> 01:14:39,361
So here's the song.
1454
01:14:39,520 --> 01:14:42,808
- Be gentle. I'm still working on it, so...
- Okay.
1455
01:14:42,960 --> 01:14:48,285
[SINGING]
Baby, you set my soul on fire
1456
01:14:49,080 --> 01:14:54,291
And, girl, you are my heart's desire
1457
01:14:55,600 --> 01:14:57,921
Don't you know it's true
1458
01:14:58,080 --> 01:15:01,084
In everything we do
1459
01:15:01,240 --> 01:15:03,971
I just want it to be
1460
01:15:04,120 --> 01:15:07,329
The two of us
1461
01:15:07,520 --> 01:15:09,488
I don't know exactly
how to rhyme that.
1462
01:15:09,640 --> 01:15:12,803
- Oh, no. It's so good, though.
- Thank you. I think it's great.
1463
01:15:12,960 --> 01:15:15,281
I mean, I've been working on it
for a little bit, so...
1464
01:15:15,440 --> 01:15:16,726
But enough about me.
1465
01:15:16,880 --> 01:15:19,201
I mean, how have you been,
after that video came out?
1466
01:15:19,360 --> 01:15:21,362
It's been a little tough.
1467
01:15:21,520 --> 01:15:24,922
A lot of people... A lot of people saw it.
Heh. I don't know.
1468
01:15:25,120 --> 01:15:28,761
To be honest,
the saddest part about it is that
1469
01:15:28,960 --> 01:15:31,281
I kind of got into a fight
with my best friends, and...
1470
01:15:31,440 --> 01:15:32,566
Jess and Casey?
1471
01:15:33,480 --> 01:15:36,211
Uh, yes, Jess and Casey.
1472
01:15:36,360 --> 01:15:40,445
And, um, I don't know,
it's, like, my fault pretty much.
1473
01:15:40,600 --> 01:15:43,285
I kind of wanna reach out,
but I'm not really sure
1474
01:15:43,440 --> 01:15:45,880
- what I should do about it, and...
- You should talk to them.
1475
01:15:46,000 --> 01:15:49,243
I mean, they seem like really caring,
understanding people, so...
1476
01:15:49,400 --> 01:15:51,164
Mm. Mm-hm.
1477
01:15:51,320 --> 01:15:53,243
Sorry, are you friends with them?
1478
01:15:53,440 --> 01:15:55,760
Yeah, Jess is in my drama class
and I have trig with Casey.
1479
01:15:55,880 --> 01:15:58,087
Oh, yeah. You know...
1480
01:15:58,280 --> 01:16:01,523
I mean, Jess is, like,
an amazing actress.
1481
01:16:01,680 --> 01:16:03,762
- Mm.
- And dancer.
1482
01:16:03,920 --> 01:16:04,967
Mm.
1483
01:16:05,160 --> 01:16:06,844
- And dresser.
- Okay.
1484
01:16:07,040 --> 01:16:10,169
And Casey, she's, like,
this, you know, fiery Latina.
1485
01:16:10,320 --> 01:16:11,685
You know, caliente, you know.
1486
01:16:11,840 --> 01:16:13,444
Yeah, she's very spicy.
1487
01:16:13,600 --> 01:16:18,322
But, you know, I'm not really friends
with them right now, so...
1488
01:16:23,920 --> 01:16:25,968
Is it intimidating?
1489
01:16:27,400 --> 01:16:28,845
What?
1490
01:16:29,840 --> 01:16:32,889
Being friends with...
And it's rare that I point this out,
1491
01:16:33,040 --> 01:16:35,805
because I do not subscribe to
the American ideal of feminine beauty.
1492
01:16:35,960 --> 01:16:38,770
But such powerful women?
1493
01:16:38,920 --> 01:16:41,048
BIANCA:
Oh, no. No, no, no.
1494
01:16:41,240 --> 01:16:43,447
A friend of mine was wondering,
1495
01:16:43,600 --> 01:16:46,649
do they have dates to
the homecoming dance next weekend?
1496
01:16:46,800 --> 01:16:49,201
BIANCA:
I tried to keep my composure, but...
1497
01:16:49,360 --> 01:16:51,886
[SCREAMS THEN SOBS]
1498
01:16:52,080 --> 01:16:53,570
[RETCHES]
1499
01:16:57,160 --> 01:16:59,640
Are you DUFFing me?
1500
01:17:00,840 --> 01:17:01,921
Excuse me?
1501
01:17:02,080 --> 01:17:03,411
You are.
1502
01:17:03,560 --> 01:17:05,562
This is a DUFF.
1503
01:17:06,120 --> 01:17:10,045
You're using me to try
to get closer to Jess and Casey,
1504
01:17:10,200 --> 01:17:13,204
because you think that
I'm approachable, aren't you?
1505
01:17:13,360 --> 01:17:16,603
Okay, look, when you said
that we should hang out Friday,
1506
01:17:16,760 --> 01:17:18,960
I thought you were hinting
that they were gonna be here.
1507
01:17:19,080 --> 01:17:21,447
Like, I thought you were saying
that they were into me.
1508
01:17:24,080 --> 01:17:25,889
I can't... I can't even believe this.
1509
01:17:26,040 --> 01:17:28,000
I can't believe for five seconds
I thought that...
1510
01:17:28,160 --> 01:17:30,845
- Bianca, Bianca.
- What?
1511
01:17:31,040 --> 01:17:33,361
Can I have my sweatshirt?
1512
01:17:33,760 --> 01:17:36,764
Heh, okay, you know what?
Here, you can have it.
1513
01:17:36,960 --> 01:17:38,121
Oh.
1514
01:17:40,560 --> 01:17:42,403
Oh, hell, no.
1515
01:17:45,480 --> 01:17:46,720
Mr. Sushi?
1516
01:17:48,800 --> 01:17:50,564
- The song was mine.
- Yeah.
1517
01:17:51,320 --> 01:17:53,322
I'm not surprised,
because it was a piece of shit.
1518
01:17:53,520 --> 01:17:56,091
And so are you. Have a nice night.
1519
01:17:59,760 --> 01:18:00,886
[LINE RINGS]
1520
01:18:01,040 --> 01:18:02,929
WESLEY [OVER PHONE]: Hello?
- Wes, it's Bianca.
1521
01:18:03,080 --> 01:18:04,411
Just kidding. It's my voice mail.
1522
01:18:04,560 --> 01:18:05,607
[LINE BEEPS]
1523
01:18:05,760 --> 01:18:07,603
Wes, it's Bianca.
1524
01:18:07,760 --> 01:18:11,401
So it turns out that Toby's
been DUFFing me the whole time.
1525
01:18:11,560 --> 01:18:14,131
And I've just been thinking
about some stuff, and I just...
1526
01:18:14,280 --> 01:18:17,682
I'd really like to talk to you, okay?
Call me back.
1527
01:18:28,240 --> 01:18:30,447
[MADISON LAUGHING]
1528
01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:03,845
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
1529
01:19:11,880 --> 01:19:13,405
Hey, I got your message.
1530
01:19:13,600 --> 01:19:16,410
Yeah, um, forget about it.
Just go home.
1531
01:19:16,600 --> 01:19:19,649
Look, I'm sorry about Toby.
1532
01:19:19,800 --> 01:19:21,450
Okay? He's an idiot.
1533
01:19:23,240 --> 01:19:25,766
You know, I saw you and Madison.
1534
01:19:27,840 --> 01:19:31,367
- Okay.
- You were at my special place.
1535
01:19:31,520 --> 01:19:33,010
You know, that's my Think Rock.
1536
01:19:33,800 --> 01:19:35,370
You said I could use it.
1537
01:19:35,520 --> 01:19:37,807
Not as a Motel 6, Wes.
1538
01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:39,764
You were on a date with Toby.
1539
01:19:41,800 --> 01:19:44,929
Are you seriously mad at me
right now?
1540
01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:46,320
I thought we were friends.
1541
01:19:47,000 --> 01:19:49,606
Come on, we're not friends.
1542
01:19:49,800 --> 01:19:51,848
You know,
people like you don't hang out
1543
01:19:52,000 --> 01:19:54,162
with people like me, you know?
1544
01:19:54,320 --> 01:19:57,210
That's just the way it is.
Football guys, they date hot chicks.
1545
01:19:57,360 --> 01:20:00,170
And people like me
don't date anybody.
1546
01:20:00,320 --> 01:20:02,243
I don't know why I thought
it could be different.
1547
01:20:02,440 --> 01:20:04,647
What are you talking about?
B, this isn't you.
1548
01:20:04,800 --> 01:20:09,124
Please, Wes, you're embarrassed
to be seen with me at school.
1549
01:20:09,320 --> 01:20:10,924
Okay?
1550
01:20:11,080 --> 01:20:12,605
It's just...
1551
01:20:12,760 --> 01:20:13,886
This was an experiment,
1552
01:20:14,040 --> 01:20:15,920
and it worked for you
and it didn't work for me,
1553
01:20:16,080 --> 01:20:18,811
so let's just forget it, okay?
1554
01:20:19,000 --> 01:20:21,048
- B...
- Please, just go home.
1555
01:21:37,760 --> 01:21:40,809
BIANCA: So, what does homecoming
mean to me?
1556
01:21:44,480 --> 01:21:45,720
The word "homecoming" itself
1557
01:21:45,920 --> 01:21:49,208
conjures up feelings
of warmth and comfort.
1558
01:21:51,840 --> 01:21:53,842
High school offers me none of that.
1559
01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:57,288
I know some people will tell you
that homecoming is about celebrating,
1560
01:21:57,440 --> 01:22:00,011
but to the majority of kids in school,
1561
01:22:00,160 --> 01:22:02,288
it's just another night
where you feel pressure
1562
01:22:02,440 --> 01:22:05,284
to find the perfect date,
the perfect outfit,
1563
01:22:05,480 --> 01:22:07,687
and have the perfect evening.
1564
01:22:11,560 --> 01:22:14,086
Come Monday morning,
it's back to reality.
1565
01:22:16,080 --> 01:22:18,287
I don't know about you,
1566
01:22:19,680 --> 01:22:22,524
but I'm happy to sit this one out.
1567
01:22:27,520 --> 01:22:29,409
I didn't regret hitting "send,"
1568
01:22:29,560 --> 01:22:32,609
but I did regret how I left things
with Jess and Casey.
1569
01:22:32,800 --> 01:22:36,009
CASEY:
So all of this because of some word?
1570
01:22:36,520 --> 01:22:38,727
It didn't feel like
just some word to me.
1571
01:22:38,880 --> 01:22:42,362
I think deep down I've always known
you guys were prettier than me,
1572
01:22:42,560 --> 01:22:44,440
and I felt like I couldn't talk
to you about it,
1573
01:22:44,560 --> 01:22:48,645
because you wouldn't understand what
it felt like to be your schlumpy friend.
1574
01:22:48,800 --> 01:22:52,441
But, you know, you're wrong,
because we all have our insecurities.
1575
01:22:53,000 --> 01:22:54,889
The point is, we're a team.
1576
01:22:55,040 --> 01:22:57,930
If anything, we're kind of chumps
in comparison to you.
1577
01:22:58,080 --> 01:23:00,811
Okay, now you went too far.
You had me and then you lost me.
1578
01:23:00,960 --> 01:23:03,804
Oh, no, she's right, B.
You are by far the smartest one
1579
01:23:03,960 --> 01:23:06,088
of the three of us.
You're loyal, you're funny.
1580
01:23:06,240 --> 01:23:10,131
And we can't be Bianca,
Jess and Casey without Bianca.
1581
01:23:11,840 --> 01:23:13,330
Thanks.
1582
01:23:13,480 --> 01:23:14,970
Oh.
1583
01:23:15,120 --> 01:23:16,167
Okay, you know what?
1584
01:23:16,320 --> 01:23:18,846
Tonight how about we ditch our dates
and have a girls' night?
1585
01:23:19,000 --> 01:23:20,729
- Done.
BIANCA: What? No, no way.
1586
01:23:20,880 --> 01:23:23,406
Guys, it's homecoming.
You're definitely going.
1587
01:23:23,600 --> 01:23:26,251
I just... I can't see Wes.
1588
01:23:26,400 --> 01:23:28,971
Or Toby. Or anyone, for that matter.
1589
01:23:29,120 --> 01:23:32,841
Just let me stay here and lie
amongst the pizza a little longer.
1590
01:23:33,000 --> 01:23:35,321
- Absolutely not.
BIANCA: Mom.
1591
01:23:35,760 --> 01:23:39,367
- You're listening at the door again?
- Yes, I was. This is juicy stuff.
1592
01:23:39,520 --> 01:23:40,726
Now it all makes sense.
1593
01:23:40,880 --> 01:23:43,611
Mom, I've been through
all of your stages, okay?
1594
01:23:43,760 --> 01:23:47,685
I am already at the fifth
and final stage: acceptance.
1595
01:23:47,840 --> 01:23:51,003
Honey, forget about the five stages.
I have got some real advice for you.
1596
01:23:51,160 --> 01:23:53,766
We're gonna call it, uh, stage 11.
1597
01:23:53,960 --> 01:23:55,928
Yeah, it's sort of acceptance plus,
1598
01:23:56,080 --> 01:23:58,481
where you realize who you are,
you accept it,
1599
01:23:58,640 --> 01:24:00,529
and then you, um,
1600
01:24:00,720 --> 01:24:04,122
[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
turn it up to 11.
1601
01:24:04,280 --> 01:24:06,123
Is that supposed to be
Robert Pattinson?
1602
01:24:06,280 --> 01:24:08,886
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
No, Spinal Tap.
1603
01:24:09,040 --> 01:24:10,121
The movie, Spinal Tap.
1604
01:24:10,280 --> 01:24:11,964
[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
"This one goes to 11."
1605
01:24:12,120 --> 01:24:13,645
Let's stop.
1606
01:24:13,800 --> 01:24:17,202
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
All right, honey, you're a weirdo.
1607
01:24:17,400 --> 01:24:20,324
Fine, own it.
Be the best weirdo you can be.
1608
01:24:20,480 --> 01:24:22,280
You have spent the last month
worrying so much
1609
01:24:22,400 --> 01:24:23,960
about what other people
think about you.
1610
01:24:24,120 --> 01:24:27,169
How about tonight you just worry
about what you think about you?
1611
01:24:27,320 --> 01:24:30,403
Now, I want you to get cleaned up,
I want you to go to that dance,
1612
01:24:30,560 --> 01:24:33,928
and rock that homecoming
like my Bianca Piper would.
1613
01:24:34,320 --> 01:24:36,004
Passion plus action...
1614
01:24:36,160 --> 01:24:39,130
- Oh, my God, I'm doing it again.
- No, no, it's okay, it's working.
1615
01:24:39,280 --> 01:24:42,682
You're good at this.
I'm feeling mad inspired.
1616
01:24:42,840 --> 01:24:44,763
I think I have an idea.
1617
01:24:52,480 --> 01:24:54,448
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
1618
01:25:09,680 --> 01:25:10,806
Hmm.
1619
01:25:11,000 --> 01:25:13,606
There it is. I gotta say,
this is some of my best work.
1620
01:25:13,760 --> 01:25:16,730
- You are very talented.
- It's really perfect, Jess.
1621
01:25:16,920 --> 01:25:20,606
All right, I just talked with the guys,
and I told them we're going alone.
1622
01:25:20,800 --> 01:25:24,122
- Ooh. Yes.
- Thanks.
1623
01:25:24,280 --> 01:25:25,691
So shall we?
1624
01:25:25,840 --> 01:25:26,887
[CLAPS]
1625
01:25:27,040 --> 01:25:28,326
Let's do this shit.
1626
01:25:28,480 --> 01:25:30,164
Fucking A.
1627
01:25:30,320 --> 01:25:32,163
- Mom.
- Sorry.
1628
01:25:32,320 --> 01:25:34,322
[ICONA POP'S "ALL NIGHT"
PLAYING]
1629
01:25:47,200 --> 01:25:49,601
She looks great. She's pulling it off.
1630
01:25:49,760 --> 01:25:51,603
- Dude, she's 15 years old, man.
- She's a ten.
1631
01:25:51,760 --> 01:25:53,410
I don't care about 15. She's a ten.
1632
01:26:05,240 --> 01:26:09,165
And then she was all like, "Bitch,
if I wanted your opinion, I'd ask."
1633
01:26:09,320 --> 01:26:12,244
And I was all like, "Bitch, if I cared
what you thought, I'd ask."
1634
01:26:12,400 --> 01:26:14,528
Ugh, my grandma is so annoying.
1635
01:26:14,680 --> 01:26:17,968
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Wesley, what time is it?
1636
01:26:19,280 --> 01:26:20,361
Nine-fifteen.
1637
01:26:20,920 --> 01:26:22,968
Okay, they're announcing
king and queen soon,
1638
01:26:23,120 --> 01:26:26,124
so, Caitlyn, I wanna go over by the
stage and get the very best lighting.
1639
01:26:26,320 --> 01:26:28,049
I'll be right back.
1640
01:26:52,560 --> 01:26:54,130
Wow.
1641
01:27:01,000 --> 01:27:04,129
Um, you guys,
I'll be right back, okay?
1642
01:27:07,640 --> 01:27:09,802
ROBIN: Awesome dress, Bianca.
- Thanks, Robin.
1643
01:27:09,960 --> 01:27:11,962
- Hey, Bianca, about the other...
- Shh, shh, shh.
1644
01:27:12,160 --> 01:27:13,525
Uh...
1645
01:27:14,160 --> 01:27:16,322
BIANCA: Hey.
- Hey.
1646
01:27:18,440 --> 01:27:22,286
I could tell from across the room
that we might be into each other.
1647
01:27:22,440 --> 01:27:24,886
Now that I'm here, I'm sure.
Your move.
1648
01:27:25,040 --> 01:27:26,451
WESLEY: Wow.
- How was that?
1649
01:27:26,600 --> 01:27:28,887
That was not bad.
1650
01:27:29,040 --> 01:27:30,929
Should I've gone with
"wiener in your mouth"?
1651
01:27:31,080 --> 01:27:34,289
- No, no. Definitely not.
- Ha, ha.
1652
01:27:34,440 --> 01:27:37,683
- Um...
- Wow, um...
1653
01:27:37,840 --> 01:27:39,001
You look beautiful.
1654
01:27:39,160 --> 01:27:40,924
Thanks.
1655
01:27:42,000 --> 01:27:45,686
Look, um, about what I said
the other day,
1656
01:27:45,840 --> 01:27:49,890
of course we're friends,
and that's cool.
1657
01:27:50,800 --> 01:27:57,524
But a guy I know once told me
that if you like somebody,
1658
01:27:57,680 --> 01:28:00,365
you should just
be straight-up with them
1659
01:28:00,520 --> 01:28:03,683
and tell them that you're into them.
1660
01:28:03,920 --> 01:28:07,891
So I guess that's
kind of what I'm doing.
1661
01:28:08,520 --> 01:28:10,841
Wait, you're into me?
1662
01:28:12,960 --> 01:28:14,166
Yeah.
1663
01:28:14,320 --> 01:28:16,004
Um...
1664
01:28:16,160 --> 01:28:20,927
I, uh... I kind of just got back together
with Madison.
1665
01:28:21,800 --> 01:28:23,040
Oh.
1666
01:28:24,000 --> 01:28:27,004
But that's good if you're happy.
1667
01:28:27,160 --> 01:28:28,924
- What the shit?
- Ow.
1668
01:28:29,080 --> 01:28:30,969
MADISON:
Get out of my way.
1669
01:28:33,440 --> 01:28:36,683
Wow, that is an interesting dress.
1670
01:28:36,840 --> 01:28:38,922
Who makes that, Build-A-Bear?
1671
01:28:39,840 --> 01:28:42,491
Since you can't seem
to leave my boyfriend alone,
1672
01:28:42,640 --> 01:28:45,211
I cannot wait to release
your video tomorrow.
1673
01:28:46,160 --> 01:28:49,528
Good. I'm glad you're excited about it.
Go right ahead.
1674
01:28:49,680 --> 01:28:51,967
Fine, I will.
1675
01:28:52,880 --> 01:28:56,282
Plus, Wesley would never leave me
for some DUFF anyway.
1676
01:28:56,440 --> 01:28:58,169
- Look, Madison...
BIANCA: It's okay.
1677
01:28:58,920 --> 01:29:02,720
Ooh. Madison,
you used to make me so upset,
1678
01:29:02,880 --> 01:29:04,882
but now I just feel bad for you.
1679
01:29:05,040 --> 01:29:06,610
Yeah, I'm somebody's DUFF.
1680
01:29:06,760 --> 01:29:09,604
Guess what, so are you.
So is everybody.
1681
01:29:09,760 --> 01:29:12,923
There's always gonna be somebody
prettier or more talented
1682
01:29:13,080 --> 01:29:14,809
or richer than you,
1683
01:29:14,960 --> 01:29:16,803
but it shouldn't affect
how you see yourself.
1684
01:29:16,960 --> 01:29:19,327
You label everybody
to try to keep them down,
1685
01:29:19,480 --> 01:29:22,131
but you end up missing out
on all this great stuff around you.
1686
01:29:22,280 --> 01:29:26,524
You have Wesley, and you treat him
like he's stupid, but he isn't.
1687
01:29:26,680 --> 01:29:28,603
And people don't like him,
because he's with you.
1688
01:29:28,800 --> 01:29:31,007
They like him
because he's, like, an amazing guy.
1689
01:29:31,160 --> 01:29:33,640
Look, I like myself.
1690
01:29:33,840 --> 01:29:35,808
I wouldn't wanna be anybody else.
1691
01:29:35,960 --> 01:29:39,009
And I realize now
that none of this matters to me.
1692
01:29:39,160 --> 01:29:41,640
But it does to you. It's your dream.
1693
01:29:41,800 --> 01:29:43,325
And I totally support that.
1694
01:29:43,520 --> 01:29:46,808
Just don't tear me down
for not giving a shit about your labels,
1695
01:29:46,960 --> 01:29:49,440
because in the end,
they're meaningless.
1696
01:29:49,600 --> 01:29:50,886
MADISON:
What?
1697
01:29:51,040 --> 01:29:53,646
Whatever you said
was meaningless, okay?
1698
01:29:53,800 --> 01:29:56,087
You don't even get it.
This is not my dream.
1699
01:29:56,280 --> 01:29:58,200
- I don't need to...
BUCHANON: Okay, Blue Devils.
1700
01:29:58,320 --> 01:29:59,401
Oh, my God, here it is.
1701
01:30:00,080 --> 01:30:01,605
It's happening.
1702
01:30:03,160 --> 01:30:07,290
Okay, Blue Devils,
it's time to crown our king and queen.
1703
01:30:07,440 --> 01:30:09,283
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
1704
01:30:09,440 --> 01:30:11,249
Hey, how'd it go?
1705
01:30:13,160 --> 01:30:16,721
- Actually, really good.
- This year's homecoming queen is...
1706
01:30:16,880 --> 01:30:19,008
This one's got me a little nervous.
1707
01:30:19,360 --> 01:30:21,249
...Ms. Madison Morgan.
1708
01:30:21,400 --> 01:30:22,447
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
1709
01:30:22,640 --> 01:30:24,165
Me? What?
1710
01:30:24,320 --> 01:30:25,890
Oh, my God, of course.
1711
01:30:26,040 --> 01:30:28,122
GIRL:
Madison!
1712
01:30:31,200 --> 01:30:33,043
- Congratulations, Madison.
- I knew it was me.
1713
01:30:33,200 --> 01:30:34,690
Keep it to yourself.
1714
01:30:35,080 --> 01:30:37,845
BOY: Yeah, Madison.
- All right.
1715
01:30:38,000 --> 01:30:42,085
And this year's homecoming king is...
1716
01:30:42,240 --> 01:30:44,083
Drumroll, please.
1717
01:30:45,280 --> 01:30:48,090
...Mr. Wesley Rush.
1718
01:30:48,240 --> 01:30:50,368
[CROWD APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
1719
01:30:58,240 --> 01:31:00,083
Wesley Rush.
1720
01:31:00,240 --> 01:31:02,686
Homecoming king. Come on up.
1721
01:31:02,840 --> 01:31:05,810
Wesley. Wesley.
1722
01:31:06,600 --> 01:31:07,726
Wesley.
1723
01:31:11,560 --> 01:31:12,641
BUCHANON:
Where's Wesley?
1724
01:31:21,120 --> 01:31:22,724
Aren't you gonna go get your crown?
1725
01:31:24,240 --> 01:31:26,607
No, I'm gonna get the girl.
1726
01:31:46,320 --> 01:31:49,767
BOY: Yeah, Bianca!
- Let's get the hell out of here.
1727
01:31:49,920 --> 01:31:53,083
GIRL:
All right. All right.
1728
01:31:54,160 --> 01:31:56,128
Yeah, all right.
1729
01:31:56,600 --> 01:31:58,090
Damn.
1730
01:31:58,280 --> 01:32:00,726
It was definitely the dress.
1731
01:32:00,880 --> 01:32:04,009
- That is really great.
- Yeah, he is hot.
1732
01:32:08,960 --> 01:32:10,720
Are we breaking into the newsroom
to hook up?
1733
01:32:10,800 --> 01:32:12,689
BIANCA: You bet we are.
- Who are you?
1734
01:32:12,880 --> 01:32:14,245
[BIANCA CHUCKLES]
1735
01:32:20,480 --> 01:32:21,606
- Wesley?
- What?
1736
01:32:21,800 --> 01:32:23,962
I just want to... I just want to...
One more thing.
1737
01:32:24,120 --> 01:32:26,805
- What? What?
- Just one thing.
1738
01:32:26,960 --> 01:32:29,042
No, they block out all the good sites.
1739
01:32:29,200 --> 01:32:30,929
- What are you doing?
- I just have to...
1740
01:32:31,360 --> 01:32:34,011
WESLEY: No, no, if you're doing
homework, I'm gonna kill myself.
1741
01:32:34,160 --> 01:32:36,242
It's just one quick thing.
It's for my article.
1742
01:32:36,440 --> 01:32:38,761
I'm feeling inspired.
1743
01:32:38,960 --> 01:32:41,645
- Okay, here, just rub my shoulders.
- Right.
1744
01:32:45,000 --> 01:32:47,241
BIANCA:
What does homecoming mean to me?
1745
01:32:47,400 --> 01:32:49,448
If you asked me
at the beginning of senior year,
1746
01:32:49,600 --> 01:32:51,807
I would've told you,
"Absolutely nothing."
1747
01:32:52,000 --> 01:32:54,571
But tonight,
possibly the greatest night of my life,
1748
01:32:54,720 --> 01:32:56,324
I have changed my tune.
1749
01:32:56,760 --> 01:32:59,331
You know that one moment in
high school that changes everything?
1750
01:32:59,480 --> 01:33:01,767
Okay, I think I can
probably finish this later.
1751
01:33:01,920 --> 01:33:05,322
BIANCA: It all started senior year,
about a month before homecoming.
1752
01:33:05,480 --> 01:33:08,324
I was cruising the halls
with my two best friends...
1753
01:33:13,520 --> 01:33:15,761
BOY:
Wow, she's awesome.
1754
01:33:15,920 --> 01:33:18,685
Yeah, she is. I should forward this.
1755
01:33:18,840 --> 01:33:21,969
- Viral?
- Viral.
1756
01:33:22,120 --> 01:33:24,009
I'm a DUFF.
1757
01:33:24,880 --> 01:33:26,723
I am a DUFF.
1758
01:33:26,880 --> 01:33:28,370
Yep, that's me.
1759
01:33:28,520 --> 01:33:30,727
- I'm a DUFF.
- I'm a DUFF.
1760
01:33:34,400 --> 01:33:36,926
Okay, girl, I know some DUFFs too.
1761
01:33:37,880 --> 01:33:39,120
ARTHUR:
Wow.
1762
01:33:39,280 --> 01:33:41,203
For what it's worth,
what you wrote here
1763
01:33:41,360 --> 01:33:43,203
struck a chord with me as well.
1764
01:33:43,360 --> 01:33:48,526
I mean, I know you won't believe me,
but I was the DUFF out of my friends.
1765
01:33:49,360 --> 01:33:51,203
What? No.
1766
01:33:51,360 --> 01:33:54,443
There was no cool name for it
like "the DUFF."
1767
01:33:54,600 --> 01:33:58,002
It was, like, "the dipshit,"
uh, douche bag.
1768
01:33:58,160 --> 01:34:00,811
A. Urkel. Asian Urkel.
1769
01:34:00,960 --> 01:34:03,440
- Nerd ass.
- Okay, no. Didn't need...
1770
01:34:03,600 --> 01:34:05,489
- Didn't need the help, you know?
- Oh, sorry.
1771
01:34:05,640 --> 01:34:07,324
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
1772
01:34:08,480 --> 01:34:09,606
BIANCA:
Whoa, look at this.
1773
01:34:10,160 --> 01:34:12,640
The site has thousands
of comments and likes on it.
1774
01:34:14,080 --> 01:34:15,570
But they're positive this time.
1775
01:34:15,720 --> 01:34:17,085
BIANCA:
Mr. Arthur was right.
1776
01:34:17,240 --> 01:34:19,561
Kids started writing to me
with their own DUFF stories,
1777
01:34:19,720 --> 01:34:20,801
and when I posted those,
1778
01:34:20,960 --> 01:34:24,442
more kids responded
until it just became its own thing.
1779
01:34:25,560 --> 01:34:27,847
Oh, and Wesley?
He passed science.
1780
01:34:28,000 --> 01:34:29,684
He's going to Ohio State in the fall.
1781
01:34:29,840 --> 01:34:32,160
And since I got into Northwestern,
we can visit each other.
1782
01:34:32,280 --> 01:34:33,361
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
1783
01:34:33,560 --> 01:34:34,971
BIANCA:
A lot.
1784
01:34:46,280 --> 01:34:48,203
Hey, neighbor-slash-boyfriend.
1785
01:34:48,360 --> 01:34:50,886
Hi, neighbor-slash-girlfriend.
1786
01:34:54,240 --> 01:34:55,810
You hungry? I'm hungry.
1787
01:34:56,000 --> 01:34:57,490
- Yeah, I could eat.
- Good.
1788
01:34:57,640 --> 01:34:59,449
Because I was hoping
to take you to dinner.
1789
01:34:59,600 --> 01:35:01,921
Ooh. How about a little
Dave & Buster's?
1790
01:35:02,080 --> 01:35:03,206
- Skee-Ball?
- Ah!
1791
01:35:03,360 --> 01:35:06,887
- A dark booth? Yeah.
- Ah! I love it when you talk dirty to me.
1792
01:35:07,040 --> 01:35:11,250
- Maybe we'll accidentally touch knees.
- Oh, can I?
1793
01:35:11,400 --> 01:35:13,687
[IN MONSTER VOICE]
Bianca kiss Wes now?
1794
01:35:13,840 --> 01:35:16,127
WESLEY:
Oh, monster voice sexy.
1795
01:35:16,280 --> 01:35:17,441
[BOTH LAUGH]
1796
01:35:17,600 --> 01:35:21,650
BIANCA: In the end, it's not about
popularity or even getting the guy.
1797
01:35:21,800 --> 01:35:22,961
It's about understanding
1798
01:35:23,120 --> 01:35:25,327
that no matter what label
is thrown your way,
1799
01:35:25,480 --> 01:35:27,642
only you can define yourself.
1800
01:35:27,800 --> 01:35:29,882
Take it from a DUFF.
1801
01:35:39,240 --> 01:35:41,447
[CREW LAUGHING]
1802
01:35:51,040 --> 01:35:53,884
Hit that... Hit that, uh...
That long one in the middle.
1803
01:35:54,040 --> 01:35:55,849
It's called a spacebar.
1804
01:35:59,200 --> 01:36:01,282
- Hey.
- Now, that's a classic look.
1805
01:36:01,480 --> 01:36:04,848
You could be on the cover of GQ.
Back cover.
1806
01:36:05,000 --> 01:36:07,685
Just a vest. Okay, MacGyver.
1807
01:36:07,840 --> 01:36:10,844
You talk about my son
one more ******* time.
1808
01:36:18,320 --> 01:36:20,322
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
1809
01:36:22,640 --> 01:36:23,687
Bluh!
1810
01:36:23,880 --> 01:36:26,326
I swear,
I'm just feeling the pressure.
1811
01:36:44,040 --> 01:36:45,485
If this makes it to Toshi,
1812
01:36:45,640 --> 01:36:47,642
- I'm telling you now...
- Toshi.
1813
01:36:49,840 --> 01:36:51,683
- Now I know you...
- Ha, ha.
1814
01:36:52,240 --> 01:36:53,730
- Now I know that you...
- Ha, ha.
1815
01:37:03,960 --> 01:37:05,962
- Ha-ha-ha.
- [IN JAPANESE ACCENT] This is not...
1816
01:37:06,120 --> 01:37:08,088
- This is a...
- Hmm. Not the article I want.
1817
01:37:08,240 --> 01:37:10,607
- Dad, 17 pa...
- But it article we need.
1818
01:37:10,800 --> 01:37:12,529
[BOTH LAUGHING]
1819
01:37:15,720 --> 01:37:17,768
- Hey, Trevor.
- Have fun tonight, Trevor.
1820
01:37:17,920 --> 01:37:20,241
- I hate you.
- No, you look adorable.
1821
01:37:20,400 --> 01:37:22,562
Mm. Ish.
1822
01:37:22,720 --> 01:37:24,484
I'm not happy!
1823
01:37:24,640 --> 01:37:26,529
I haven't been kissed in years.
1824
01:37:26,680 --> 01:37:29,160
MAN: Can we do one more...?
- Okay, not again.
1825
01:37:30,680 --> 01:37:32,808
[CREW LAUGHING]
1826
01:37:32,960 --> 01:37:34,564
Oh, are we making a movie?