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♪Subtitles corrected by♪ XQ2☻♥
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Cm'ere.
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- Ta-ta.
- Ta-ta.
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Don't forget the checkie.
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Can't produce plays
without checkie.
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You can count on me,
you dirty young man.
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Oohh!
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Good-bye.
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Bye-bye. Good-bye.
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Bye. Bye-bye.
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Old buzzard!
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♪ Yum tiddy-yum
tiddy-yum pum-pum ...&c...
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Hold me. Touch me.
Hold me. Touch me...
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Hold me. Touch me.
Hold me. Touch me.
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Ah! Hold me. Touch me.♥
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Darling.
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Hold me. Touch me.
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Not in the hall.
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I know she's in here.
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I wonder where she's hiding.
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Where are you?
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Where are you, devil woman?
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Finders keepers
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Here I come, ready or not.
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There you are, you little flirt.
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What's the matter?
27
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Papa no want to play with baby?
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I think Papa's neck is broken.
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What a sissy!
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Meow...
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Meow?
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I wonder where old Tom is tonight.
33
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Oy!
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Oh, Bialy, Bialy, darling,
did I hurt you?
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It's only a flesh wound,
lamb chop.
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Oh, don't worry, darling.
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I'll kiss it and make it well.
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Mr. Bialystock. Mr. Bialystock.
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Oh! How do you do? Oh, my God!
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I mean...
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- I mean, excuse me.
- You mean, "oops," don't you?
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Just say, oops, and get out!
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A-a-a-a...
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Not, "a-a-a-a", "oops!"
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Oops!
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I can't abide a peeping Tom.
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One in the apartment
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just opposite my bedroom window.
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I swear, that man never takes his
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field glasses off me, for a minute.
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- Feeling better?
- Yes.
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Good.
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Let's fool around.
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Now, I'll be the innocent,
little milkmaid
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and you be the naughty stable boy.
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Oh...
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This milk is so heavy!
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I'll never reach the house.
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Help me.
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Will someone help me?
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Wait. Wait...
We can't play today.
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- I have too many appointments.
- We can't play today?
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Thursday! We'll play on Thursday.
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We'll play "The Contessa
and The Chauffeur."
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- Oh, the best one!
- Until Thursday then, Contessa mia.
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Contessa mia.
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No, darling, please, just a little.
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Money. I need money.
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All right. All right.
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The Contessa and the Chauffeur.
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00:07:06,811 --> 00:07:09,646
So, the Count hired you
this morning, Rudolfo?
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Watch the road. Watch the road.
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I can't take my eyes off you.
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How can I drive when
you drive me mad? Mad!
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Rudolfo, you dirty pig.
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Pull over.
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That's enough. Good. Good.
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We'll do the rest on Thursday.
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Now, that's a good girl.
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I'll get you your purse
and your gloves.
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Thursday...
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Thursday.
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Until Thursday, then,
you bawdy wench.
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OHH! Oh, hold me. Touch me.
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Thursday, Thursday.
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And then we'll finish playing
the Contessa and Rudolfo?
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First thing on Thursday.
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Oh! And after that, we'll play,
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"The Abduction and the
Cruel Rape of Lucretia".
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And I'll be Lucretia.
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And I'll be Rape.
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On Thursday. That's wonderful.!
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Lucretia, you forgot
the checkie.
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Can't produce plays
without checkie.
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Well, I had it with me
all the time.
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Is it all right?
I made it out to cash.
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You didn't tell me the name
of the play. - Fine. Good.
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Thursday.
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Good-bye, my powder pigeon.
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- Good bye.
- Bye-bye.
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- Ta-ta.
- Ta-ta.
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Good-bye.
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00:08:50,066 --> 00:08:53,485
He who signs the lease,
must pay rent.
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00:08:53,624 --> 00:08:55,265
That's the law.
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00:08:55,339 --> 00:08:57,784
Murderer, thief! How can
you take the last penny
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out of a poor man's pocket?
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I have to.
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I'm a landlord.
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00:09:02,847 --> 00:09:04,540
Oh, Lord, hear my plea:
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Destroy him, he maketh
a blight on the land.
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Don't listen to him, he's crazy.
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That hurt.
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I must make another call.
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Oops?
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00:09:35,968 --> 00:09:37,769
Who are you? What do you want?
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Why are you loitering
in my hallway?
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Speak, dummy! Speak!
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- Why don't you speak?
- Scared. Can't talk.
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All right.
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Get a hold of yourself.
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Take a deep breath.
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Let it out slowly
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And tell me, who are you?
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I'm Leo Bloom.
I am an accountant.
125
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I'm from Whitehall and Marx.
I was sent here to do your books,
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00:10:03,787 --> 00:10:06,795
And I'm terribly sorry
I caught you with the old lady.
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00:10:06,868 --> 00:10:09,056
"Caught you with the old lady"!
128
00:10:09,587 --> 00:10:11,685
Come in, Mister Tact.
129
00:10:28,607 --> 00:10:31,317
- So, you're an accountant, huh?
- Yes, I am.
130
00:10:31,342 --> 00:10:32,664
Then account for yourself!
131
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,601
Do you believe in God?
Do you believe in gold?
132
00:10:34,626 --> 00:10:36,647
Why are you looking up
old ladies' dresses?
133
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- Bit of a pervert, eh?
- Ahh!
134
00:10:38,792 --> 00:10:40,756
Never mind, never mind.
Do the books.
135
00:10:40,781 --> 00:10:43,780
They're over there in that desk.
Top drawer.
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00:10:45,026 --> 00:10:46,531
I'll take your coat.
137
00:10:46,888 --> 00:10:48,929
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
138
00:10:56,872 --> 00:10:59,733
How dare you, condemn me,
without knowing all the facts!
139
00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:01,219
- Mr. Bialystock - Shut up!
140
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,761
I'm having a rhetorical
conversation!
141
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How humiliating.
142
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,699
Max Bialystock.
143
00:11:08,822 --> 00:11:10,360
Max Bialystock.
144
00:11:13,863 --> 00:11:15,784
You know who I used to be?
145
00:11:16,281 --> 00:11:18,532
Max Bialystock, King of Broadway!
146
00:11:18,557 --> 00:11:20,672
Six shows running at once!
147
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Lunch at Delmonico's.
148
00:11:23,925 --> 00:11:25,673
$200 suits.
149
00:11:28,678 --> 00:11:30,071
You see this?
150
00:11:30,096 --> 00:11:32,545
This once held a pearl
as big as your eye!
151
00:11:32,570 --> 00:11:35,004
Look at me now. Look at me now!
152
00:11:36,643 --> 00:11:39,020
I'm wearing a cardboard belt.
153
00:11:47,476 --> 00:11:50,351
I used to have thousands
of investors, begging,
154
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:54,421
pleading to put their money
in a Max Bialystock production.
155
00:11:55,417 --> 00:11:57,508
Look at my investors, now.
156
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,921
Voilà. Hundreds of
little old ladies
157
00:12:04,312 --> 00:12:07,052
stopping off
at Max Bialystock's office
158
00:12:07,083 --> 00:12:10,794
to grab a last thrill,
on the way to the cemetery.
159
00:12:20,924 --> 00:12:22,890
You have exactly 10 seconds
160
00:12:22,915 --> 00:12:25,728
to change that look
of disgusting pity
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00:12:25,753 --> 00:12:28,048
into one of enormous respect.
162
00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:30,541
One, two...
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00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:33,310
Do the books, do the books.
164
00:12:35,094 --> 00:12:37,020
I appreciate that, sir.
165
00:12:47,886 --> 00:12:49,184
Window's so filthy,
166
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can't tell whether it's
day or night out there.
167
00:13:03,823 --> 00:13:06,716
That's it, baby,
when you got it, flaunt it!
168
00:13:06,741 --> 00:13:08,198
Flaunt it!
169
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A- hrumph!
170
00:13:11,855 --> 00:13:13,314
Cough.
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00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:15,142
Cough!
172
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,071
Ahem!
173
00:13:19,991 --> 00:13:22,562
I assume you're making
those cartoon noises
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00:13:22,587 --> 00:13:24,664
to attract my attention.
175
00:13:25,558 --> 00:13:27,070
Am I correct in my assumption,
176
00:13:27,095 --> 00:13:29,577
you fish-faced enemy
of the people?
177
00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:31,785
Oh, I hurt your feelings.
178
00:13:32,143 --> 00:13:33,875
Good! What is it?
179
00:13:33,967 --> 00:13:36,414
May I speak to you for a minute?
180
00:13:37,549 --> 00:13:40,174
Go! You have 58 seconds.
181
00:13:40,229 --> 00:13:42,846
Well, in glancing at your books,
I noticed in the columns
182
00:13:42,871 --> 00:13:45,081
You have 48 seconds left.
Hurry, hurry!
183
00:13:45,112 --> 00:13:48,143
- Oh, I glanced at your books,
I noticed - 28 seconds!
184
00:13:48,168 --> 00:13:50,844
You're running out of time.
Tick tock, tick tock...
185
00:13:50,883 --> 00:13:54,265
Mr. Bialystock, I cannot function
under these conditions!
186
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:56,845
You're making me extremely nervous!
187
00:13:57,353 --> 00:14:00,774
- What is that, a handkerchief?
- What? Nothing. That's nothing.
188
00:14:00,899 --> 00:14:03,513
If it's nothing, why can't I see it?
- Aahh!
189
00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:07,234
My blanket! My blue blanket!
Gimme my blue blanket!
190
00:14:07,322 --> 00:14:09,102
Oh, you no, no, no!
191
00:14:09,133 --> 00:14:10,610
Oh, no, no!
192
00:14:10,879 --> 00:14:13,464
Shh! Here. Here, here.
193
00:14:13,536 --> 00:14:15,251
Don't panic. Don't panic.
194
00:14:15,330 --> 00:14:17,322
Mmm, mmm...
195
00:14:22,003 --> 00:14:23,337
I'm sorry.
196
00:14:23,368 --> 00:14:26,276
I don't like people touching
my blue blanket.
197
00:14:26,609 --> 00:14:29,000
It's not important.
It's a minor compulsion.
198
00:14:29,025 --> 00:14:30,984
I can deal with it, if I want to.
199
00:14:31,081 --> 00:14:34,256
It's just that I've had it
ever since I was a baby, and...
200
00:14:34,447 --> 00:14:36,823
I find it very comforting.
201
00:14:43,959 --> 00:14:46,465
They come here.
They all come here.
202
00:14:46,506 --> 00:14:47,952
How do they find me?
203
00:14:47,977 --> 00:14:49,598
May I speak to you?
204
00:14:49,916 --> 00:14:51,725
Yes, Prince Myshkin.
205
00:14:51,870 --> 00:14:53,594
What can we do for you?
206
00:14:53,672 --> 00:14:56,016
This is hardly a time
for levity.
207
00:14:56,117 --> 00:14:58,497
Mr. Bialystock,
I've discovered a serious error
208
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:01,135
in the accounts of your last play.
- Where? What?
209
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,978
Well, according to the backers
list, you raised $60,000.
210
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:06,546
But the play that you
produced only cost $58,000.
211
00:15:06,571 --> 00:15:08,454
That's $2,000 unaccounted for.
212
00:15:08,495 --> 00:15:10,579
I went to a Turkish bath.
Who cares?
213
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,028
The play was a flop!
214
00:15:12,053 --> 00:15:14,930
- What difference does it make?
- What difference does it make?!
215
00:15:14,931 --> 00:15:17,816
That's fraud!
If they found out, you could go to prison.
216
00:15:17,841 --> 00:15:20,986
Who's gonna find out? It's only $2,000.
Bloom, do me a favor.
217
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,689
Move a few decimal points around.
You can do it, you're an accountant.
218
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:27,651
You're in a noble profession.
The word "count" is part of your title.
219
00:15:27,725 --> 00:15:30,268
- That's cheating.
- It's not cheating!
220
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,010
It's charity.
221
00:15:32,318 --> 00:15:33,905
Bloom, look at me.
222
00:15:34,492 --> 00:15:36,123
Look at me, Bloom!
223
00:15:36,829 --> 00:15:38,643
Bloom, I'm drowning.
224
00:15:39,786 --> 00:15:43,899
Other men sail through life.
Bialystock has struck a reef.
225
00:15:45,253 --> 00:15:48,109
Bloom, I'm going under.
226
00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:52,152
I'm being sunk by a society
that demands success
227
00:15:52,177 --> 00:15:54,043
when all I can offer is failure.
228
00:15:54,095 --> 00:15:57,014
Bloom, I'm reaching out to you.
229
00:15:58,349 --> 00:16:00,267
Don't send me to prison.
230
00:16:01,262 --> 00:16:03,228
HELLLPPP!
231
00:16:06,295 --> 00:16:09,964
Help me, Bloom. Bloom, help me.
232
00:16:11,779 --> 00:16:14,322
I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it!
233
00:16:14,550 --> 00:16:17,593
- Thank you. I knew I could con you.
- That's all right. What?
234
00:16:17,618 --> 00:16:19,703
Nothing, nothing. Do it, do it.
235
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:22,372
Right. Let's see. $2,000.
236
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,825
$2,000.
237
00:16:25,488 --> 00:16:27,013
Well, that isn't much.
238
00:16:27,199 --> 00:16:29,474
I'm sure I can hide it
somewhere.
239
00:16:29,971 --> 00:16:31,639
After all, the Internal
Revenue Service
240
00:16:31,664 --> 00:16:33,388
isn't interested in a show
that flopped.
241
00:16:33,413 --> 00:16:36,206
Yes, right. Good thinking.
You figure it out.
242
00:16:36,231 --> 00:16:38,351
I'm tired, I'm gonna take
a little nap.
243
00:16:38,376 --> 00:16:39,947
Wake me if there's a fire.
244
00:16:40,335 --> 00:16:41,888
Well, let's see...
245
00:16:42,123 --> 00:16:44,803
if we add these we get, 10
246
00:16:45,197 --> 00:16:46,660
4...
247
00:16:48,354 --> 00:16:49,768
Hm...
248
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:51,768
Amazing.
249
00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:53,941
It's absolutely amazing.
250
00:16:54,072 --> 00:16:55,739
Under the right circumstances,
251
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:58,016
a producer could make
more money with a flop
252
00:16:58,041 --> 00:16:59,868
than he could with a hit.
253
00:17:00,265 --> 00:17:01,890
Mm...
254
00:17:02,580 --> 00:17:04,855
Yes, it's quite possible.
If he were certain
255
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,615
that the show would fail,
a man could make a fortune!
256
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,474
- Yes?
- Yes what?
257
00:17:09,691 --> 00:17:12,643
What you were saying. Keep talking.
- What was I saying?
258
00:17:12,691 --> 00:17:14,895
You were saying, that under
the right circumstances
259
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:17,094
a producer could make
more money with a flop
260
00:17:17,095 --> 00:17:18,596
than he could with a hit.
261
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,479
Yes, it's quite possible.
262
00:17:20,532 --> 00:17:23,348
You keep saying that,
but you don't tell me how.
263
00:17:23,373 --> 00:17:25,708
How can a producer
make more money with a flop
264
00:17:25,733 --> 00:17:27,077
than he could with a hit?
265
00:17:27,105 --> 00:17:29,884
Well, it's simply a matter of
creative accounting.
266
00:17:29,926 --> 00:17:33,429
Let's assume, just for the moment,
that you are a dishonest man.
267
00:17:33,454 --> 00:17:35,163
- Assume away.
- It's very easy.
268
00:17:35,196 --> 00:17:38,533
You simply raise more money than
you really need. - What do you mean?
269
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:42,327
Well, you did it yourself, only, you did it
on a very small scale. - What'd I do?
270
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:45,598
You raised $2,000 more than you needed
to produce your last play.
271
00:17:45,623 --> 00:17:48,166
So, what? What did it get me?
I'm wearing a cardboard belt!
272
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:51,086
That's where you made your mistake.
You didn't go all the way.
273
00:17:51,087 --> 00:17:54,932
You see, if you were really a bold
criminal, you could have raised a million.
274
00:17:54,966 --> 00:17:57,437
But the play cost me
only $60,000 to produce.
275
00:17:57,462 --> 00:17:59,133
- And how long did it run?
- One night.
276
00:17:59,158 --> 00:18:01,539
You see? You see what
I'm trying to tell you?
277
00:18:01,564 --> 00:18:05,239
You could've raised $1 million, put
on a $60,000 flop and kept the rest.
278
00:18:05,264 --> 00:18:08,103
- But what if the play was a hit?
- Well, then you'd go to jail.
279
00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:10,564
See, once the play's a hit,
you have to pay off all the backers
280
00:18:10,565 --> 00:18:14,675
and with so many, there could never be
enough profits to go around. Get it?
281
00:18:14,722 --> 00:18:16,441
Uhuh, uhuh...
282
00:18:16,737 --> 00:18:19,447
Ahah! So, in order for this
scheme to work,
283
00:18:19,486 --> 00:18:21,827
we'd have to find a sure-fire flop!
284
00:18:21,888 --> 00:18:24,098
- What scheme?
- What scheme?!
285
00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:26,667
Your scheme, you bloody little genius!
286
00:18:26,723 --> 00:18:28,391
I meant no scheme.
287
00:18:28,416 --> 00:18:30,792
I merely posed a little
academic accounting theory.
288
00:18:30,793 --> 00:18:32,236
It was just a thought.
289
00:18:32,261 --> 00:18:36,180
Bloom, worlds are turned
n such thoughts.
290
00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:41,406
Don't you see, Bloom?
Darling Bloom. Glorious Bloom.
291
00:18:41,470 --> 00:18:42,596
It's so simple.
292
00:18:42,597 --> 00:18:45,724
Step 1: we find the worst play
in the world. A sure-fire flop.
293
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:49,189
Step 2: I raise a million bucks.
A lotta little old ladies in the world.
294
00:18:49,214 --> 00:18:51,229
Step 3: you go back
to work on the books.
295
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,747
Phony list of backers.
One for the government, one for us.
296
00:18:53,772 --> 00:18:57,239
You can do it, Bloom you're a wizard!
Step 4: we open on Broadway.
297
00:18:57,278 --> 00:19:00,401
And before you can say "step 5,"
we close on Broadway.
298
00:19:00,463 --> 00:19:04,280
Step 6: we take our million bucks,
we fly to Rio de Janeiro!
299
00:19:04,335 --> 00:19:08,132
♪ Rio! Rio by the sea-o.
- Mr. Bialystock, wait a minute.
300
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:10,070
♪ Oh me-o, oh, my-o.
301
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,015
You're holding me too tight.
302
00:19:13,711 --> 00:19:16,152
I'm an honest man.
You don't understand.
303
00:19:16,177 --> 00:19:19,554
No, Bloom, you don't understand!
This is fate, this is destiny!
304
00:19:19,599 --> 00:19:22,005
This is kismet! There's no avoiding it.
305
00:19:22,029 --> 00:19:25,323
Mr Byalistock, not more than 5
minutes ago, I doctored your books!
306
00:19:25,348 --> 00:19:28,615
That, sir, is the ultimate
extent of my criminal life!
307
00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:31,280
OOOHHH!
308
00:19:31,479 --> 00:19:33,623
I want that money!
309
00:19:34,732 --> 00:19:36,473
I fell on my keys.
310
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:41,167
You miserable, cowardly,
wretched, little caterpillar.
311
00:19:41,197 --> 00:19:43,281
Don't you ever want to become a butterfly?
312
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:47,118
Don't you wanna spread your wings
and flap your way to glory?
313
00:19:47,411 --> 00:19:49,399
- You're gonna jump on me.
- Huh?
314
00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:52,290
You're gonna jump on me!
I know you're gonna jump on me!
315
00:19:52,315 --> 00:19:54,993
- Like Nero jumped on Poppaea.
- Who?
316
00:19:55,032 --> 00:19:57,921
Poppaea! She was his wife.
She was unfaithful to him
317
00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:01,442
so he got mad and jumped on her
up and down, up and down,
318
00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:03,553
until he squashed her like a bug!
319
00:20:03,594 --> 00:20:06,675
- Please don't jump on me!
- I'm not gonna jump on you!
320
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:08,660
- I'm not gonna jump on you!
- Aaahhh!
321
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:12,777
- Will you get a hold of yourself?
- Don't touch me!
322
00:20:12,965 --> 00:20:14,629
Oh, my god, no, no...
323
00:20:15,343 --> 00:20:16,865
I'm not gonna hurt you.
324
00:20:16,890 --> 00:20:19,265
- What's the matter with you?
- I'm hysterical.
325
00:20:19,290 --> 00:20:21,879
I'm having hysterics.
I'm hysterical.
326
00:20:21,938 --> 00:20:23,823
I can't stop when I get like this.
327
00:20:23,857 --> 00:20:25,542
I can't stop, I'm hysterical.
328
00:20:25,567 --> 00:20:28,511
Oh, my god!
Oh-my-god, oh-my-god, oh-my-god,
329
00:20:29,374 --> 00:20:30,803
I'm wet!
330
00:20:31,262 --> 00:20:32,717
I'm wet!
331
00:20:32,949 --> 00:20:35,033
I'm hysterical, and I'm wet!
332
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:37,736
I'm in pain!
333
00:20:38,115 --> 00:20:39,642
And I'm wet!
334
00:20:40,181 --> 00:20:41,788
And I'm still hysterical!
335
00:20:41,813 --> 00:20:43,734
No, no, don't hit.
It doesn't help.
336
00:20:43,759 --> 00:20:45,806
It only increases
my sense of danger.
337
00:20:45,831 --> 00:20:48,829
What can I do?
You're getting me hysterical.
338
00:20:48,860 --> 00:20:50,881
Go away, go away.
You frighten me.
339
00:20:50,906 --> 00:20:53,541
- Where shall I go?
- Sit over there. - Okay.
340
00:20:55,985 --> 00:20:58,985
Okay. Okay. I'm over here.
341
00:20:59,274 --> 00:21:01,665
- This better?
- That's better.
342
00:21:02,366 --> 00:21:04,317
But you still look angry. Aahh!
343
00:21:05,617 --> 00:21:07,065
How's this?
344
00:21:08,196 --> 00:21:10,774
Good... That's good.
345
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,368
That's very nice.
346
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:17,030
I think I'm coming out of it, now.
347
00:21:18,731 --> 00:21:21,755
Yes, I'm definitely coming
out of it.
348
00:21:24,273 --> 00:21:27,194
Thank you for smiling.
That helped a great deal.
349
00:21:27,219 --> 00:21:28,928
Yeah, you know what they say:
350
00:21:28,967 --> 00:21:31,498
Smile and the world smiles with you.
351
00:21:33,265 --> 00:21:35,808
This man should be in a straitjacket.
352
00:21:36,319 --> 00:21:38,610
- Feeling better?
- Oh, much. Thank you.
353
00:21:38,635 --> 00:21:40,737
But I am a little lightheaded.
354
00:21:40,775 --> 00:21:42,859
Maybe I should eat something.
355
00:21:42,932 --> 00:21:44,537
Hysterical attacks have a way
356
00:21:44,570 --> 00:21:47,072
of severely depleting
one's blood sugar, you know.
357
00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:49,532
They certainly do.
They certainly do.
358
00:21:49,812 --> 00:21:52,272
Come, let me take you to lunch.
359
00:22:00,093 --> 00:22:01,715
You know, it's very nice of you
360
00:22:01,740 --> 00:22:03,754
to take me to lunch,
Mr. Bialystock.
361
00:22:03,810 --> 00:22:06,208
Call me Max.
You know I don't let everybody
362
00:22:06,233 --> 00:22:08,889
call me Max.
It's only those people I like.
363
00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:10,687
Okay, Max.
364
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,918
- And you can call me Leo.
- I already have.
365
00:22:15,094 --> 00:22:17,846
Well, where shall we go
for lunch?
366
00:22:18,529 --> 00:22:21,092
Well, Max, I don't know, Max.
367
00:22:21,287 --> 00:22:23,248
What do you think, Max?
368
00:22:23,567 --> 00:22:26,053
Well, Leo,
it's such a beautiful day,
369
00:22:26,081 --> 00:22:28,540
why go to a dark, stuffy restaurant?
370
00:22:28,781 --> 00:22:30,627
Let's dine al fresco.
371
00:22:30,782 --> 00:22:33,190
- This is al fresco?
- The finest.
372
00:22:33,402 --> 00:22:34,821
Thank you.
373
00:22:35,430 --> 00:22:36,856
Mm, excellent!
374
00:22:36,881 --> 00:22:39,266
Please tender our
compliments to the chef.
375
00:22:39,290 --> 00:22:40,857
Please tender half a buck.
376
00:22:40,890 --> 00:22:43,008
Of course. Here you are,
my good man.
377
00:22:43,039 --> 00:22:46,232
I'm not your good man.
I happen to own this establishment.
378
00:22:46,257 --> 00:22:47,844
Gimme the change.
379
00:22:49,724 --> 00:22:51,600
Everybody's a big shot.
380
00:22:52,938 --> 00:22:56,108
Leo, what say we promenade
through the park?
381
00:22:56,142 --> 00:22:57,725
I'd love to, but it's nearly 2:00.
382
00:22:57,764 --> 00:22:59,787
I should be getting back to
Whitehall and Marx.
383
00:22:59,812 --> 00:23:02,331
Nonsense! As far as Whitehall
and Marx is concerned
384
00:23:02,356 --> 00:23:04,855
you're working with
Max Bialystock, right?
385
00:23:04,892 --> 00:23:07,910
- Right.
- Then stick with Bialystock.
386
00:23:26,661 --> 00:23:28,575
Lovely out here, isn't it?
387
00:23:28,895 --> 00:23:31,903
I wish I could enjoy it.
I'm so nervous.
388
00:23:32,386 --> 00:23:34,512
What if someone from the office
should see me?
389
00:23:34,537 --> 00:23:35,898
Then you'd see them,
390
00:23:35,941 --> 00:23:38,266
and why aren't they
at the office?
391
00:23:40,003 --> 00:23:41,701
That's right.
392
00:23:42,291 --> 00:23:44,542
That's it, Leo. You're learning.
393
00:23:45,461 --> 00:23:46,962
Having a good time?
394
00:23:47,664 --> 00:23:49,915
I don't know. I feel so strange.
395
00:23:50,696 --> 00:23:52,363
Maybe you're happy.
396
00:23:52,961 --> 00:23:54,711
That's it. I'm happy.
397
00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:00,436
Well, what do you know about that?
398
00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:02,266
I'm happy!
399
00:24:03,327 --> 00:24:04,836
I'm happy!
400
00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:10,145
There it is, Bloom,
401
00:24:10,346 --> 00:24:12,884
the most exciting city
in the world.
402
00:24:12,978 --> 00:24:15,896
Thrills, adventure, romance...
403
00:24:16,414 --> 00:24:19,945
everything you ever dreamed of,
is down there.
404
00:24:20,463 --> 00:24:24,215
Big black limousines, gold cigarette cases,
405
00:24:24,271 --> 00:24:27,190
elegant ladies with long legs.
406
00:24:27,733 --> 00:24:30,329
All you need is money, Bloom.
407
00:24:30,952 --> 00:24:32,626
Money is honey.
408
00:24:33,124 --> 00:24:35,021
Money is honey!
409
00:24:35,133 --> 00:24:38,490
- Leo, he who hesitates is poor!
- Hmm...
410
00:24:39,578 --> 00:24:41,538
Don't let me influence you.
411
00:24:41,715 --> 00:24:43,260
It's your decision.
412
00:24:43,285 --> 00:24:45,738
But if we get caught,
we'll go to prison.
413
00:24:45,763 --> 00:24:48,048
You think you're not
in prison, now?
414
00:24:48,073 --> 00:24:50,275
Living in a gray, little room?
415
00:24:50,631 --> 00:24:55,218
Going to a gray, little job?
Leading a gray, little life?
416
00:24:55,882 --> 00:24:57,363
That's right.
417
00:24:57,426 --> 00:24:58,992
I'm a nothing.
418
00:24:59,807 --> 00:25:02,891
I spend my life
counting other people's money.
419
00:25:03,477 --> 00:25:05,367
People, I'm smarter than.
420
00:25:05,729 --> 00:25:07,391
Better than!
421
00:25:08,357 --> 00:25:10,016
Where's my share?
422
00:25:11,068 --> 00:25:13,134
Where's Leo Bloom's share?
423
00:25:14,238 --> 00:25:15,714
I want...
424
00:25:16,284 --> 00:25:17,776
I want...
425
00:25:18,218 --> 00:25:21,053
I want everything I've ever seen
in the movies!
426
00:25:21,078 --> 00:25:23,120
Leo, say you'll join me!
427
00:25:23,671 --> 00:25:25,205
I'll do it!
428
00:25:26,212 --> 00:25:29,274
- By God, I'll do it!
- He'll do it!
429
00:25:29,507 --> 00:25:31,111
I'll do it!
430
00:25:34,091 --> 00:25:35,595
I'm Leo Bloom!
431
00:25:36,844 --> 00:25:38,423
I'm me!
432
00:25:38,846 --> 00:25:40,829
I can do whatever I want!
433
00:25:41,015 --> 00:25:42,519
It doesn't matter!
434
00:25:42,975 --> 00:25:44,699
I'm Leo Bloom!
435
00:26:08,667 --> 00:26:11,604
Max, let's call it a night.
It's 2:00 in the morning.
436
00:26:11,629 --> 00:26:14,672
- I don't know what I'm reading anymore.
- Read, read.
437
00:26:14,697 --> 00:26:17,631
We've got to find the worst play
ever written.
438
00:26:20,379 --> 00:26:21,637
Ah...
439
00:26:21,898 --> 00:26:24,442
"Gregor Samsa woke one morning
440
00:26:24,725 --> 00:26:28,035
"to discover that he had been transformed
441
00:26:28,060 --> 00:26:30,104
"into a giant cockroach."
442
00:26:31,053 --> 00:26:32,653
It's too good.
443
00:26:36,932 --> 00:26:38,420
Wait a minute.
444
00:26:39,191 --> 00:26:40,701
Wait a minute...
445
00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:43,529
I've read this play.
446
00:26:44,676 --> 00:26:47,053
I'm reading plays I read this morning.
447
00:26:48,159 --> 00:26:49,759
I can't go on.
448
00:26:49,996 --> 00:26:51,478
It's too much.
449
00:26:52,294 --> 00:26:55,764
Max, let's face it, we'll never find it.
450
00:26:59,907 --> 00:27:01,737
We'll never find it, huh?
451
00:27:01,762 --> 00:27:04,901
We'll never find it?
We'll never find it, eh?
452
00:27:05,029 --> 00:27:07,868
Never find it?
We'll never find...?
453
00:27:07,893 --> 00:27:09,227
♪ Oh, Rio
454
00:27:09,293 --> 00:27:10,965
♪ Rio by the sea-o
455
00:27:11,021 --> 00:27:12,522
♪ Bialystock and Leo
456
00:27:12,547 --> 00:27:14,464
♪ Oh, me-o, oh, my-o!
457
00:27:15,067 --> 00:27:16,506
Leo
458
00:27:17,219 --> 00:27:18,695
Smell it.
459
00:27:18,881 --> 00:27:20,780
See it? Touch it, touch it.
460
00:27:20,826 --> 00:27:22,615
- What is it?
- What is it?!
461
00:27:22,654 --> 00:27:25,785
We've struck gold!
Not fool's gold, but real gold.
462
00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:27,853
The mother lode.
The mother lode.
463
00:27:28,832 --> 00:27:30,539
The mother of them all.
464
00:27:30,830 --> 00:27:32,486
Kiss it, kiss it.
465
00:27:32,710 --> 00:27:34,670
- You found a flop.
- A flop...
466
00:27:35,012 --> 00:27:36,629
That's putting it mildly.
467
00:27:36,654 --> 00:27:39,090
We've found a disaster,
a catastrophe, an outrage!
468
00:27:39,091 --> 00:27:41,418
A guaranteed-to-close-in-one-night
beauty.
469
00:27:41,443 --> 00:27:42,760
Let's see it.
470
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:46,055
This is freedom from want forever.
This is a house in the country.
471
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:47,956
This is a Rolls Royce and a Bentley.
472
00:27:47,996 --> 00:27:50,998
This is wine, women, and song
and women.
473
00:27:51,793 --> 00:27:53,731
"Springtime for Hitler.
474
00:27:54,106 --> 00:27:58,231
"A gay romp with Adolf and Eva
at Berchtesgaden."
475
00:27:58,882 --> 00:28:00,741
- Wow!
- Wow!
476
00:28:00,914 --> 00:28:03,320
It's practically a love letter to Hitler.
477
00:28:03,425 --> 00:28:06,552
- This won't run a week.
- A week? Are you kidding?
478
00:28:06,577 --> 00:28:09,503
This play has got to close
on page four.
479
00:28:09,809 --> 00:28:13,427
- Who wrote it?
- Who? Read, right there, read.
480
00:28:13,645 --> 00:28:16,086
- Franz - Franz.
- Liebkind. - Liebkind.
481
00:28:16,128 --> 00:28:18,337
- 100 - 100.
- West - West.
482
00:28:18,362 --> 00:28:19,834
- Jane street.
- Jane street.
483
00:28:19,859 --> 00:28:23,236
Franz Liebkind,
100 West Jane Street.
484
00:28:32,230 --> 00:28:35,063
- Who do you want?
- I beg your pardon?
485
00:28:35,257 --> 00:28:37,671
Who do you want?
No one gets in the building
486
00:28:37,696 --> 00:28:39,523
unless I know who they want.
487
00:28:39,579 --> 00:28:41,106
I'm the concierge.
488
00:28:41,352 --> 00:28:44,794
My husband used to be
the concierge, but he's dead.
489
00:28:44,896 --> 00:28:46,856
Now I'm the concierge.
490
00:28:48,397 --> 00:28:50,606
We are seeking Franz Liebkind.
491
00:28:50,954 --> 00:28:52,564
Oh, the kraut.
492
00:28:52,748 --> 00:28:55,638
He's on the top floor,
apartment 23.
493
00:28:55,834 --> 00:28:57,460
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
494
00:28:57,485 --> 00:28:59,486
But you won't find him, there.
495
00:28:59,713 --> 00:29:02,020
He's up on the roof with his birds.
496
00:29:02,653 --> 00:29:04,353
He keeps birds.
497
00:29:05,096 --> 00:29:08,212
Dirty, disgusting, filthy,
498
00:29:08,290 --> 00:29:10,139
lice-ridden birds.
499
00:29:11,401 --> 00:29:14,912
You used to be able to sit out
on the stoop like a person.
500
00:29:15,203 --> 00:29:17,568
Not anymore. No, sir.
501
00:29:18,617 --> 00:29:20,061
Birds!
502
00:29:20,194 --> 00:29:21,913
You get my drift?
503
00:29:22,014 --> 00:29:24,311
We get it. We get your drift.
504
00:29:24,507 --> 00:29:26,225
Thank you, madam.
505
00:29:26,570 --> 00:29:29,866
I'm not a madam! I'm a concierge!
506
00:29:39,979 --> 00:29:42,013
He's wearing a German helmet.
507
00:29:42,708 --> 00:29:44,856
Don't say anything
to offend him.
508
00:29:44,881 --> 00:29:46,450
We need that play.
509
00:29:56,774 --> 00:29:58,233
Franz Liebkind?
510
00:29:58,258 --> 00:30:00,582
I was never a member
of the Nazi party!
511
00:30:00,607 --> 00:30:03,743
I'm not responsible!
I only followed orders!
512
00:30:03,795 --> 00:30:06,547
Who are you?
Why do you persecute me?
513
00:30:06,595 --> 00:30:08,160
My papers are in order.
514
00:30:08,185 --> 00:30:10,395
I love my adopted country.
515
00:30:10,434 --> 00:30:15,082
♪ Oh, beautiful,
für spacious skies,
516
00:30:15,257 --> 00:30:17,887
♪ Für amber waves of gr...
517
00:30:17,912 --> 00:30:19,500
What do you want?
518
00:30:19,543 --> 00:30:22,754
Relax, relax, Mr. Liebkind.
We're not from the government.
519
00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:25,707
- We came here to talk about your play.
- My play?
520
00:30:26,049 --> 00:30:29,590
- You mean 'Springtime for
you-know-who'? - Yes.
521
00:30:29,615 --> 00:30:31,225
What about it?
522
00:30:31,807 --> 00:30:33,916
We love it.
We think it's a masterpiece.
523
00:30:33,941 --> 00:30:37,416
That's why we're here.
We wish to produce it on Broadway.
524
00:30:38,256 --> 00:30:39,785
Broadway.
525
00:30:40,976 --> 00:30:42,746
Oh, joy of joys!
526
00:30:43,410 --> 00:30:45,568
Oh, dream of dreams!
527
00:30:45,685 --> 00:30:47,393
I can't believe it.
528
00:30:47,418 --> 00:30:49,050
I must tell the birds.
529
00:30:49,083 --> 00:30:51,866
Birds! Birds, birds, do you hear?
530
00:30:51,898 --> 00:30:55,302
Otto, Werther, Hans, Heinz, Viktor,...
531
00:30:55,370 --> 00:30:59,457
Do you hear?
We are going to clear the Führer's name.
532
00:31:00,968 --> 00:31:05,905
♪ Deutschland, Deutschland,
über alles,
533
00:31:06,271 --> 00:31:09,923
♪ Über alles in der Welt
534
00:31:09,967 --> 00:31:13,579
Mr. Liebkind, please. People can hear.
535
00:31:14,407 --> 00:31:18,017
♪ I'm a yankee doodle dandy
536
00:31:18,197 --> 00:31:19,966
♪ Yankee doodle...
537
00:31:19,991 --> 00:31:23,005
This is not a place to talk.
Come, we'll go to my flat.
538
00:31:23,124 --> 00:31:26,525
An occasion like this calls for
Schnapps!
539
00:31:27,906 --> 00:31:30,203
♪ La yoooo...
540
00:31:30,999 --> 00:31:33,327
♪ Laaaaa..
541
00:31:43,449 --> 00:31:46,438
You know, not many people knew it,
542
00:31:47,168 --> 00:31:50,671
but the Führer was a terrific dancer.
543
00:31:52,629 --> 00:31:55,204
Really? I never dreamed that...
544
00:31:55,236 --> 00:31:58,505
That is because, that, you were taken in
545
00:31:58,804 --> 00:32:01,305
by that verdammte Allied propaganda!
546
00:32:01,330 --> 00:32:03,758
Such filthy lies! They told lies!
547
00:32:04,602 --> 00:32:08,391
But nobody ever said a bad word
about Winston Churchill, did they?
548
00:32:08,417 --> 00:32:10,602
No! "Win with Winnie!"
549
00:32:13,578 --> 00:32:15,181
Churchill!
550
00:32:15,933 --> 00:32:18,488
With his cigars! With his brandy!
551
00:32:18,513 --> 00:32:20,601
And his rotten painting. Rotten!
552
00:32:20,685 --> 00:32:22,683
Hitler, there was a painter.
553
00:32:22,715 --> 00:32:24,722
He could paint an entire apartment in
554
00:32:24,747 --> 00:32:27,018
ONE AFTERNOON! TWO COATS!
555
00:32:29,239 --> 00:32:32,331
Churchill, he couldn't even say 'Nazi'.
556
00:32:32,732 --> 00:32:36,350
He would say, "Noses. Noses."
557
00:32:36,375 --> 00:32:39,209
We wasn't Noses! We was NAZIS!
558
00:32:43,270 --> 00:32:44,841
Churchill!
559
00:32:45,230 --> 00:32:48,704
- Exactly why...
- Let me tell you this!
560
00:32:49,529 --> 00:32:52,451
And you're hearing this
straight from the horse!
561
00:32:52,476 --> 00:32:55,004
Hitler was better looking
than Churchill.
562
00:32:55,029 --> 00:32:57,384
He was a better dresser
than Churchill.
563
00:32:57,414 --> 00:33:00,338
He had more hair!
He told funnier jokes!
564
00:33:00,381 --> 00:33:03,297
And he could dance the pants off
of Churchill!
565
00:33:03,519 --> 00:33:06,387
- Exactly why...
- Churchill!
566
00:33:06,653 --> 00:33:09,091
Yes... Yes, Churchill!
567
00:33:09,271 --> 00:33:12,492
That's exactly why we want to
produce this play
568
00:33:12,684 --> 00:33:15,119
to show the world
the true Hitler,
569
00:33:15,245 --> 00:33:18,204
the Hitler you loved,
the Hitler you knew,
570
00:33:18,252 --> 00:33:20,955
the Hitler with a song
in his heart.
571
00:33:21,979 --> 00:33:24,495
♪ La, la laaa...
572
00:33:31,402 --> 00:33:33,253
♪ Yeah, yeah.
573
00:33:41,976 --> 00:33:44,318
Here, Franz Liebkind, sign here
574
00:33:44,395 --> 00:33:46,980
and make your dream a reality.
575
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:49,943
Here it is!
'Springtime for Hitler',
576
00:33:49,967 --> 00:33:52,140
signed, sealed, and delivered.
577
00:33:52,219 --> 00:33:54,780
- What's the matter?
- I'm not wearing this armband.
578
00:33:54,828 --> 00:33:57,322
I don't care how big the deal is,
I won't wear it.
579
00:33:57,347 --> 00:33:59,598
Okay, take it off, take it off.
580
00:34:07,732 --> 00:34:09,289
Taxi!
581
00:34:10,482 --> 00:34:12,125
The Blue Gypsy.
582
00:34:12,436 --> 00:34:14,654
Why are we going to the Blue Gypsy?
583
00:34:14,820 --> 00:34:17,177
'We' are not going to the Blue Gypsy.
584
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:19,288
'I' am going to the Blue Gypsy.
585
00:34:19,313 --> 00:34:22,265
I have a rendezvous with a lady
of some means.
586
00:34:26,579 --> 00:34:28,569
You see, my dear Bloom,
587
00:34:28,655 --> 00:34:31,505
phase one is complete;
the play is ours.
588
00:34:31,566 --> 00:34:35,152
We are now entering phase two;
the raising of the money.
589
00:34:35,247 --> 00:34:38,040
In the days to come,
you will see very little of me,
590
00:34:38,097 --> 00:34:40,686
for, Max Bialystock is launching himself
591
00:34:40,711 --> 00:34:42,582
into little-old-lady land.
592
00:34:42,607 --> 00:34:44,775
Adieu. Avanti!
593
00:34:56,135 --> 00:34:58,804
You're incorrigible, Bialy!
594
00:34:58,829 --> 00:35:01,592
Here's to the success
of your new play.
595
00:35:01,617 --> 00:35:03,798
Our new play, my love.
596
00:35:05,287 --> 00:35:07,788
Bialy, I'm so sorry.
597
00:35:08,248 --> 00:35:11,208
- Did I wet you?
- Think nothing of it, my dear.
598
00:35:11,501 --> 00:35:14,170
A mere trifle. A mere trifle!
599
00:35:14,546 --> 00:35:16,453
Did you bring the checkie?
600
00:35:16,590 --> 00:35:19,622
Oh, yes, I have it right here
in my purse.
601
00:35:19,902 --> 00:35:24,156
And I made it out just like
you told me, to "Cash."
602
00:35:24,180 --> 00:35:26,627
That's a funny name for a play.
603
00:35:26,904 --> 00:35:29,030
Think nothing of it, my dear.
604
00:36:09,702 --> 00:36:12,454
- Thank you, my dear.
- Say it again, Bialy.
605
00:36:12,479 --> 00:36:16,251
Edna, I swear to you on my life,
you don't look a day over 65.
606
00:36:18,015 --> 00:36:19,843
There you are.
607
00:36:21,390 --> 00:36:23,933
- I love you.
- What?
608
00:36:24,950 --> 00:36:26,502
I love you.
609
00:36:26,669 --> 00:36:28,127
What?
610
00:36:28,453 --> 00:36:30,393
- I LOVE YOU!
- Oh!
611
00:36:38,255 --> 00:36:40,965
Go, Bialy, baby, go!
612
00:36:50,266 --> 00:36:51,850
Who is it?
613
00:36:52,310 --> 00:36:54,152
It's Max Bialystock.
614
00:36:54,249 --> 00:36:58,071
Oh, good!
I thought it was a burglar.
615
00:36:58,459 --> 00:37:00,627
Wait. I'll let you in.
616
00:37:40,416 --> 00:37:42,153
Mrs. Sarah Cathcart.
617
00:37:42,623 --> 00:37:45,012
She owns 50% of the profits.
618
00:37:46,197 --> 00:37:47,990
Mrs. Virginia Resnick.
619
00:37:48,512 --> 00:37:51,092
She also owns 50% of the profits.
620
00:37:52,848 --> 00:37:54,914
Mrs. Eleanor Biddlecomb.
621
00:37:55,293 --> 00:37:57,726
She also owns 50% of the profits.
622
00:37:58,756 --> 00:38:00,648
Mrs. Alma Wentworth.
623
00:38:01,175 --> 00:38:03,532
She owns 100% of the profits.
624
00:38:03,786 --> 00:38:07,146
Leo, how much percentage of a play
can there be altogether?
625
00:38:07,171 --> 00:38:09,903
You can only sell 100% of anything.
626
00:38:10,417 --> 00:38:13,750
And how much
of 'Springtime for Hitler' have we sold?
627
00:38:14,267 --> 00:38:16,361
25,000 percent.
628
00:38:16,619 --> 00:38:19,986
25,000 percent!
629
00:38:20,643 --> 00:38:22,686
Give me that blue thing.
630
00:38:27,173 --> 00:38:30,175
Max, where are you going?
We haven't finished signing the contracts.
631
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,193
I have to see that money.
632
00:38:41,927 --> 00:38:43,801
Hello, boys.
633
00:38:44,390 --> 00:38:47,363
If you only knew
what I went through, for you.
634
00:38:50,654 --> 00:38:53,698
- Max, what are you doing?
- I'm gonna buy myself a toy.
635
00:38:53,723 --> 00:38:56,786
I worked very, very hard,
and I think I deserve a toy.
636
00:38:56,811 --> 00:38:59,196
- A toy?
- A toy!
637
00:39:02,023 --> 00:39:03,610
That's a toy?
638
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:06,295
She happens to be our
new receptionist.
639
00:39:06,336 --> 00:39:08,883
She goes with our new
surroundings.
640
00:39:09,103 --> 00:39:10,610
Ulla?
641
00:39:14,232 --> 00:39:16,701
Ulla... Ulla, I want you to meet
642
00:39:16,726 --> 00:39:19,544
my associate and partner,
Mr. Leo Bloom.
643
00:39:19,598 --> 00:39:22,153
- Goddag vor dig.
- I beg your pardon?
644
00:39:22,232 --> 00:39:24,076
Goddag vor dig. [SWE]
645
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:25,886
Oh, good dagen...
646
00:39:27,048 --> 00:39:30,614
Max, have you gone mad?
A receptionist that can't speak English?
647
00:39:30,639 --> 00:39:32,255
What will people say?
648
00:39:32,279 --> 00:39:35,888
They'll say:
Aoo, wah, wa-wa-wah...
649
00:39:35,968 --> 00:39:38,205
- What is she gonna do here?
- Shh.
650
00:39:38,476 --> 00:39:40,002
I'll show you.
651
00:39:40,199 --> 00:39:41,627
Ulla...
652
00:39:41,679 --> 00:39:43,555
go to work.
653
00:39:43,898 --> 00:39:45,686
Go to 'verk'.
654
00:40:11,970 --> 00:40:14,570
Ulla, okay. Okay, Ulla.
655
00:40:15,056 --> 00:40:16,633
Cream puff,
656
00:40:16,764 --> 00:40:19,857
sweetie pie, pussycat, okay.
657
00:40:20,105 --> 00:40:21,615
Ulla!
658
00:40:22,218 --> 00:40:23,904
Stop work!
659
00:40:30,266 --> 00:40:33,633
Would you believe it?
I met her in the public library.
660
00:40:35,770 --> 00:40:37,227
Ulla.
661
00:40:39,204 --> 00:40:41,457
Go to desk. Answer telephone
662
00:40:41,498 --> 00:40:44,917
"Bialystock and Bloom?
Bialystock and Bloom?"
663
00:40:45,093 --> 00:40:48,533
Bialyschtock und Bloom?
Bialyschtock und Bloom?
664
00:40:48,558 --> 00:40:51,160
Goddag vor dig.
Bialyschtock und Bloom?
665
00:40:51,410 --> 00:40:54,140
Goddag vor dig.
Bialyschtock und Bloom?
666
00:40:54,434 --> 00:40:55,942
Goddag vor dig.
667
00:40:56,267 --> 00:40:57,843
Nice girl!
668
00:40:58,761 --> 00:41:00,288
Hey, Bloom?
669
00:41:00,491 --> 00:41:02,008
Take a cigar.
670
00:41:02,110 --> 00:41:04,500
Max, maybe we should both...
671
00:41:04,532 --> 00:41:07,718
- What's that?
- Nothing, nothing. Go on, go on.
672
00:41:17,567 --> 00:41:19,311
Smart as a whip.
673
00:41:29,211 --> 00:41:31,026
No, no, no, no.
674
00:41:31,973 --> 00:41:33,885
No, no, no, no!
675
00:41:36,977 --> 00:41:39,103
You Swedish tease.
676
00:41:39,922 --> 00:41:41,704
Min Bialyschtock.
677
00:41:42,100 --> 00:41:43,616
You'll bury me.
678
00:41:51,956 --> 00:41:53,868
Leo, what were you saying?
679
00:41:54,163 --> 00:41:56,081
What? Oh! Max,
680
00:41:56,364 --> 00:41:59,045
maybe we should
go a little easier on the spending.
681
00:41:59,070 --> 00:42:00,890
I mean, these offices and all.
682
00:42:00,937 --> 00:42:03,161
Why?!
Take it when you can get it!
683
00:42:03,201 --> 00:42:05,003
Flaunt it, baby! Flaunt it!
684
00:42:05,028 --> 00:42:06,957
But if something should,
god forbid, go wrong
685
00:42:06,989 --> 00:42:09,055
at least, we could give back
some of the money.
686
00:42:09,089 --> 00:42:10,905
I mean, it would look
better in court.
687
00:42:10,930 --> 00:42:13,562
Stop talking like that,
you white mouse.
688
00:42:13,790 --> 00:42:15,384
Nothing is gonna go wrong!
689
00:42:15,412 --> 00:42:18,477
As a matter of fact, today,
I have taken steps to make sure
690
00:42:18,507 --> 00:42:21,477
that Springtime for Hitler
will be a total disaster.
691
00:42:21,645 --> 00:42:24,519
At 2 o'clock, we have an
appointment with, none other
692
00:42:24,544 --> 00:42:27,020
- than Roger de Bris.
- Roger de Bris?
693
00:42:27,716 --> 00:42:30,505
What? Oh, the director.
Is he good?
694
00:42:30,549 --> 00:42:32,758
- I mean, is he bad?
- He stinks.
695
00:42:33,067 --> 00:42:35,870
He's perhaps the worst director
that ever lived.
696
00:42:35,903 --> 00:42:38,304
He's the only director
whose plays close
697
00:42:38,337 --> 00:42:40,087
on the first day of rehearsal.
698
00:42:40,112 --> 00:42:41,954
Do you think he'll take the job?
699
00:42:41,979 --> 00:42:44,126
Only if we ask him.
700
00:42:44,739 --> 00:42:46,987
It's late. I'll get the car.
701
00:42:50,292 --> 00:42:51,698
Ja?
702
00:42:51,993 --> 00:42:54,464
Call chauffeur. Get car.
703
00:42:54,505 --> 00:42:56,912
Good, good. We go to motel?
704
00:42:56,981 --> 00:42:58,732
No, no, no. We go.
705
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:02,619
You? Mr. Bloom? Go to motel?
706
00:43:02,945 --> 00:43:05,067
No. No motel!
707
00:43:05,187 --> 00:43:06,952
Get car. Get car.
708
00:43:07,079 --> 00:43:08,560
Get car?
709
00:43:08,584 --> 00:43:12,214
Get car... Get car.
710
00:43:25,926 --> 00:43:27,481
Thank you, Rudolfo.
711
00:43:33,303 --> 00:43:35,971
Now, don't let anything,
he says or does, upset you,
712
00:43:35,996 --> 00:43:37,478
he's a little peculiar.
713
00:43:37,525 --> 00:43:39,117
What do you mean?
714
00:43:39,168 --> 00:43:40,734
Yes?
715
00:43:42,968 --> 00:43:46,614
I am Max Bialystock.
This is my associate, Mr. Bloom.
716
00:43:46,683 --> 00:43:49,059
We have an appointment
with Mr. De Bris.
717
00:43:49,084 --> 00:43:52,550
Oh, yes, you are expected.
Please do come in.
718
00:44:03,303 --> 00:44:05,373
How do you do? I am Carmen Ghia,
719
00:44:05,412 --> 00:44:07,541
Monsieur de Bris'
private secretary.
720
00:44:07,566 --> 00:44:09,824
Would you please remove
your shoes.
721
00:44:12,634 --> 00:44:14,072
White, white, white...
722
00:44:14,097 --> 00:44:16,010
is the color of our carpet.
723
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:21,064
Will you please follow me?
724
00:45:14,781 --> 00:45:16,248
Please.
725
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:27,106
We're not alone!
726
00:45:28,378 --> 00:45:29,962
Please sit down.
727
00:45:30,801 --> 00:45:32,161
Roger?
728
00:45:32,644 --> 00:45:33,934
Ah!
729
00:45:33,959 --> 00:45:36,731
Messers Bialystock and Bloom,
I presume?
730
00:45:37,649 --> 00:45:39,158
Forgive the pun.
731
00:45:40,193 --> 00:45:43,028
- What pun?
- Shut up. He thinks he's witty.
732
00:45:43,779 --> 00:45:45,793
Good to see you again, Roger.
733
00:45:45,818 --> 00:45:48,565
Did you get a chance to read
'Springtime for Hitler'?
734
00:45:48,590 --> 00:45:51,732
Remarkable. Remarkable!
735
00:45:53,442 --> 00:45:55,401
A stunning piece of work.
736
00:45:56,535 --> 00:45:59,164
Max, he's wearing a dress.
737
00:45:59,703 --> 00:46:01,191
No kidding.
738
00:46:01,219 --> 00:46:02,703
I, for one,
739
00:46:02,728 --> 00:46:06,094
think it is a very
important play.
740
00:46:07,592 --> 00:46:09,889
Do you know, I never realized
741
00:46:09,930 --> 00:46:12,922
that the Third Reich, meant Germany!
742
00:46:13,422 --> 00:46:16,877
I mean, it's drenched
with historical goodies like that.
743
00:46:19,075 --> 00:46:20,447
Oh, dear.
744
00:46:20,692 --> 00:46:22,540
You're staring at my dress.
745
00:46:22,793 --> 00:46:24,470
I should explain.
746
00:46:24,733 --> 00:46:27,236
I'm going to the
choreographer's ball tonight.
747
00:46:27,268 --> 00:46:29,379
There is a prize
for the best costume.
748
00:46:29,404 --> 00:46:31,008
And we always win.
749
00:46:31,168 --> 00:46:33,223
I'm not so sure about tonight.
750
00:46:33,293 --> 00:46:36,260
I'm supposed to be
the Grand Duchess Anastasia
751
00:46:36,495 --> 00:46:38,788
but I think I look more like
Tugboat Annie.
752
00:46:38,813 --> 00:46:41,277
- What do you think?
- Well, I... - Now, be cruel.
753
00:46:41,302 --> 00:46:43,682
Be brutal. Be brutal!
754
00:46:43,939 --> 00:46:46,232
Because, heaven knows, they will.
755
00:46:46,886 --> 00:46:49,761
Well? What do you think, Mr. Bloom?
756
00:46:53,713 --> 00:46:55,690
Where do you keep your wallet?
757
00:46:55,776 --> 00:46:57,557
It's gorgeous!
758
00:46:57,596 --> 00:46:59,761
You couldn't have picked
a better color.
759
00:46:59,786 --> 00:47:01,233
It brings out your eyes.
760
00:47:01,258 --> 00:47:04,468
Let's face it, Roger, that dress
is you!
761
00:47:04,596 --> 00:47:06,739
Do you really think it brings out
my eyes?
762
00:47:06,774 --> 00:47:09,175
We can't tell a thing
without your wig.
763
00:47:09,176 --> 00:47:12,122
As far as I'm concerned,
you're only half-dressed.
764
00:47:12,147 --> 00:47:14,520
Well, if you're so worried
about the wig, get it,
765
00:47:14,561 --> 00:47:16,582
o Wicked Witch of the West!
766
00:47:18,728 --> 00:47:22,050
Quick,... light his cigarette.
He likes you.
767
00:47:22,214 --> 00:47:24,628
- (I don't want to)
- (C'mon!)
768
00:47:39,995 --> 00:47:42,622
Didn't I meet you on a summer cruise?
769
00:47:43,460 --> 00:47:45,085
Mmm...
770
00:47:47,991 --> 00:47:50,325
I've never been on a summer cruise.
771
00:47:50,650 --> 00:47:52,763
Oh, quel dommage.
772
00:47:53,194 --> 00:47:55,218
♪ Hmm, hmmm, hm
773
00:47:55,496 --> 00:47:57,914
I see we're getting acquainted.
774
00:47:58,285 --> 00:48:01,454
How would you like to
go back to teasing hair, big mouth?
775
00:48:01,502 --> 00:48:03,105
Later, Roger.
776
00:48:03,256 --> 00:48:06,598
Roger, do you mind
if we talk a little business?
777
00:48:06,658 --> 00:48:08,606
Oh, please, please.
778
00:48:08,778 --> 00:48:11,144
That is what we are here for.
779
00:48:11,176 --> 00:48:15,269
I think this would be a marvelous
opportunity for you, Roger.
780
00:48:15,539 --> 00:48:17,552
Be carefu, that hurt!
781
00:48:17,971 --> 00:48:20,722
Up to now, you've always
been associated with musicals.
782
00:48:20,747 --> 00:48:24,052
Yes!
Dopey showgirls with gooey gowns.
783
00:48:24,168 --> 00:48:27,089
"Two, three, kick, turn.
Turn, turn, kick, turn!"
784
00:48:27,486 --> 00:48:30,154
- It's enough to make you puke.
- Roger...
785
00:48:30,572 --> 00:48:34,283
But now, at last,
a chance to do straight drama.
786
00:48:34,731 --> 00:48:38,026
Roger de Bris presents history.
787
00:48:39,195 --> 00:48:42,880
Of course,
I think we should add a little music.
788
00:48:43,275 --> 00:48:46,037
And that whole third act has got to go.
789
00:48:46,500 --> 00:48:49,982
They're losing the war.
It's too depressing.
790
00:48:51,503 --> 00:48:54,317
We shall have to put something in there.
791
00:48:55,513 --> 00:48:58,802
- AAHH! - What?
- I see it! I see it!
792
00:48:59,057 --> 00:49:01,206
A line of beautiful girls...
793
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:03,322
dressed as storm troopers.
794
00:49:03,347 --> 00:49:06,793
- Black patent leather boots, S-M.
- Love it!
795
00:49:06,824 --> 00:49:09,009
All marching together!
796
00:49:09,056 --> 00:49:11,715
"Two, three, kick, turn.
Turn, turn, kick, turn"
797
00:49:11,740 --> 00:49:13,352
It will work!
798
00:49:13,377 --> 00:49:15,920
That is genius! Genius!
799
00:49:16,523 --> 00:49:18,847
I speak for Mr. Bloom and myself,
when I say,
800
00:49:18,872 --> 00:49:20,617
you're the only man in the world
801
00:49:20,642 --> 00:49:22,933
who can do justice to
'Springtime for Hitler'.
802
00:49:22,958 --> 00:49:25,645
Wait a minute. This is a very big decision.
803
00:49:25,682 --> 00:49:28,364
It might affect the
course of my entire life.
804
00:49:28,627 --> 00:49:30,753
I shall have to think about it.
805
00:49:31,321 --> 00:49:34,188
- I'll do it.
- Congratulations and thank you.
806
00:49:34,312 --> 00:49:36,849
Get on the phone! Send out a casting call.
807
00:49:36,907 --> 00:49:38,723
Call every agent in town.
808
00:49:38,755 --> 00:49:41,442
I want to see everybody.
Everybody!
809
00:49:56,466 --> 00:49:58,740
- Heil! Heil, Deutschland!
- Heil! - Heil!
810
00:49:59,482 --> 00:50:01,818
- Deutschland, Sieg Heil!
- Heil! - Heil!
811
00:50:12,147 --> 00:50:14,690
This is bedlam. Bedlam!
812
00:50:15,446 --> 00:50:17,669
We must have some order!
813
00:50:20,651 --> 00:50:22,339
WOAH!
814
00:50:22,472 --> 00:50:26,017
Will the dancing Hitlers, please wait
in the wings.
815
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:28,657
We are only seeing singing Hitlers.
816
00:50:37,511 --> 00:50:39,306
Arthur Picard.
817
00:50:43,370 --> 00:50:46,101
Hello, Arthur.
Tell us something about yourself.
818
00:50:46,198 --> 00:50:50,396
I was the lead tenor
of the Albuquerque Opera Company
819
00:50:50,425 --> 00:50:52,065
for the last two seasons.
820
00:50:52,256 --> 00:50:55,301
I just finished the road tour
of 'Lilac Time',
821
00:50:55,348 --> 00:50:58,049
and last season,
I was up for the lead
822
00:50:58,092 --> 00:51:01,459
in the Broadway production of
'The Gypsy Lover'.
823
00:51:01,516 --> 00:51:04,051
- What happened?
- I didn't get it.
824
00:51:04,223 --> 00:51:06,764
Well, Arthur,
what are you going to sing for us?
825
00:51:06,789 --> 00:51:10,875
I would like to sing,
'A Wand'ring Minstrel, I'.
826
00:51:11,767 --> 00:51:13,302
Very well.
827
00:51:17,383 --> 00:51:20,861
♪ A wand'ring minstrel, I
828
00:51:20,925 --> 00:51:23,881
♪ A thing of shreds and...
829
00:51:23,973 --> 00:51:25,456
Thank you!
830
00:51:25,508 --> 00:51:26,919
♪ Patches.
831
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:28,572
Next, please!
832
00:51:28,698 --> 00:51:31,164
Jason Green. Please.
833
00:51:34,543 --> 00:51:37,086
Well, Jason, and what have you
been up to lately?
834
00:51:37,111 --> 00:51:41,612
For the last 16 years,
I have been touring with the USO.
835
00:51:42,182 --> 00:51:44,938
Well! And what are you
going to sing for us?
836
00:51:44,985 --> 00:51:47,537
'Have You Ever Heard
The German Band?'
837
00:51:47,562 --> 00:51:49,024
No.
838
00:51:49,189 --> 00:51:52,483
It's the name of the song
I am going to sing.
839
00:51:52,657 --> 00:51:54,102
Oh!
840
00:51:55,875 --> 00:51:57,484
You will play it!
841
00:52:03,578 --> 00:52:08,630
♪ Haben Sie gehört das deutsches Band?
842
00:52:08,858 --> 00:52:11,248
♪ Mit a bang, Mit a boom
843
00:52:11,295 --> 00:52:14,195
♪ Mit a bing-bang, boom-boom, bang
844
00:52:14,265 --> 00:52:19,466
♪ Oh, haben sie gehört das Deutsche Band
845
00:52:19,591 --> 00:52:21,531
♪ Mit a bang Mit a boom...
846
00:52:21,556 --> 00:52:23,015
Thank you!
847
00:52:23,050 --> 00:52:24,500
♪ Mit a bing...
848
00:52:26,550 --> 00:52:29,571
'The Little Wooden Boy'.
849
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:36,425
♪ Once... - Thank you!
850
00:52:37,778 --> 00:52:40,605
♪ Beautiful dreamer, harken...
851
00:52:40,630 --> 00:52:42,382
Thank you!
852
00:52:43,417 --> 00:52:46,582
- Oh, does that mean that I don't get...?
- I'm sorry.
853
00:52:46,764 --> 00:52:48,386
You're sorry?
854
00:52:49,204 --> 00:52:51,353
♪ Della...
855
00:52:51,393 --> 00:52:52,939
Thank you!
856
00:52:54,500 --> 00:52:58,575
♪ Citta!
857
00:53:00,834 --> 00:53:02,653
Well, that's it.
858
00:53:08,499 --> 00:53:10,977
- Hey, man.
- I beg your pardon?
859
00:53:11,720 --> 00:53:15,014
Is this where they're auditioning
'Boomerang', baby?
860
00:53:15,078 --> 00:53:18,132
I'm afraid you wandered into
the wrong theater.
861
00:53:19,775 --> 00:53:22,944
Oh, man, not again! Freak out.
862
00:53:23,705 --> 00:53:25,211
Wait! Wait!
863
00:53:25,236 --> 00:53:27,804
This is 'Boomerang'.
This is 'Boomerang'.
864
00:53:27,829 --> 00:53:30,983
- What are you saying?
- Let's hear him. What have we got to lose?
865
00:53:31,016 --> 00:53:32,475
All right.
866
00:53:32,500 --> 00:53:34,225
Young man
867
00:53:34,577 --> 00:53:36,203
what is your name?
868
00:53:38,073 --> 00:53:40,560
Man! My name?
869
00:53:42,389 --> 00:53:44,537
My name... My name?
870
00:53:44,613 --> 00:53:46,906
Lorenzo! Lorenzo, baby.
871
00:53:47,199 --> 00:53:51,160
Lorenzo St. Dubois,
but my friends call me LSD.
872
00:53:51,216 --> 00:53:53,165
And what have you done, LSD?
873
00:53:53,190 --> 00:53:56,892
Man, about 6 months. But I'm on probation,
and I'm cool, man. I'm straight
874
00:53:56,917 --> 00:53:59,259
I mean, what do you do best?
875
00:53:59,321 --> 00:54:01,879
Hey, man, I can't do that here!
876
00:54:01,966 --> 00:54:03,888
That's why they put me away, baby.
877
00:54:03,913 --> 00:54:05,811
Oh! Sing, sing.
878
00:54:05,843 --> 00:54:08,678
Thank you. Thank you so very much.
We're gonna sing.
879
00:54:08,703 --> 00:54:12,098
If I may, I'd like to call on my group.
They kinda help me a little.
880
00:54:12,138 --> 00:54:14,306
Group! Hey, c'mon, fellas.
881
00:54:14,353 --> 00:54:16,771
I would like to, sing this song.
882
00:54:16,835 --> 00:54:18,673
It's about love
883
00:54:18,807 --> 00:54:20,189
And hate.
884
00:54:20,214 --> 00:54:22,997
Psychedelically speaking,
I am talking about
885
00:54:23,185 --> 00:54:24,828
"the power."
886
00:54:35,059 --> 00:54:36,694
♪ Love power
887
00:54:37,541 --> 00:54:39,250
♪ I'm talkin' 'bout
888
00:54:39,251 --> 00:54:40,835
♪ Love power
889
00:54:42,046 --> 00:54:45,340
♪ The power of a sweet flower
890
00:54:46,342 --> 00:54:49,010
♪ Is gonna rule the earth
891
00:54:50,596 --> 00:54:53,181
♪ And there'll be a great rebirth
892
00:54:56,435 --> 00:54:59,580
♪ Love is the flower that is mine
893
00:55:00,856 --> 00:55:02,899
♪ When I'm walkin' with my darlin'
894
00:55:02,900 --> 00:55:05,151
♪ And we're holdin' hands
895
00:55:05,611 --> 00:55:07,362
♪ And life is fine
896
00:55:07,696 --> 00:55:09,697
♪ cause she understands
897
00:55:10,240 --> 00:55:13,326
♪ Walkin' down the sunny street
898
00:55:14,411 --> 00:55:18,081
♪ Givin' pretty flowers
To the people...
899
00:55:18,582 --> 00:55:20,508
♪ that we meet.
900
00:55:22,878 --> 00:55:27,419
♪ And I give a flower to the big, fat cop
901
00:55:27,584 --> 00:55:31,928
♪ He takes his club, and he beats me up
902
00:55:31,994 --> 00:55:36,283
♪ I give a flower to the garbage man
903
00:55:36,338 --> 00:55:40,538
♪ He stuffs my girl in the garbage can
904
00:55:40,604 --> 00:55:42,839
♪ And I give it to the landlord
905
00:55:42,864 --> 00:55:44,857
♪ when the rent comes 'round
906
00:55:44,882 --> 00:55:46,943
♪ He throws it in a toilet
907
00:55:46,944 --> 00:55:49,112
♪ And he flush it down
908
00:55:49,158 --> 00:55:51,197
♪ It goes into the sewer
909
00:55:51,222 --> 00:55:53,173
♪ With the yuck runnin' through her
910
00:55:53,220 --> 00:55:56,202
♪ And it runs into the river that we drink
911
00:55:56,273 --> 00:55:58,498
♪ Hey, world, you stink!
912
00:55:58,997 --> 00:56:00,665
♪ Hm! Hm!
913
00:56:00,701 --> 00:56:02,875
♪ Man, it's later than you think
914
00:56:04,420 --> 00:56:07,672
♪ So you got just one more chance
915
00:56:09,216 --> 00:56:11,903
♪ Come on, baby, while I dance
916
00:56:22,062 --> 00:56:24,188
♪ Love. Love power
917
00:56:24,690 --> 00:56:26,482
♪ I'm talkin' 'bout
918
00:56:26,529 --> 00:56:28,615
♪ Love power
919
00:56:29,319 --> 00:56:32,697
♪ The power of a little flower
920
00:56:34,408 --> 00:56:36,701
♪ You don't think about those
little flowers
921
00:56:36,702 --> 00:56:38,870
♪ Oh, no. All you think about is guns
922
00:56:38,871 --> 00:56:40,663
♪ If everybody in the world today
923
00:56:40,688 --> 00:56:42,307
♪ Had a flower instead of a gun
924
00:56:42,332 --> 00:56:43,749
♪ There would be no wars
925
00:56:43,774 --> 00:56:46,512
♪ There would be one big smell-in
926
00:56:48,046 --> 00:56:49,904
♪ Just a flower!
927
00:56:51,912 --> 00:56:53,568
♪ Hey, man!
928
00:56:56,013 --> 00:56:57,658
♪ My flower.
929
00:56:59,016 --> 00:57:01,142
♪ What'd you do to my flower, man?
930
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:04,812
♪ You hurt it. Like everything else.
931
00:57:06,585 --> 00:57:09,671
♪ Everything else. No flower.
932
00:57:16,030 --> 00:57:18,201
THAT'S OUR HITLER!
933
00:57:53,946 --> 00:57:55,679
Your Highness.
934
00:58:01,286 --> 00:58:03,496
There's the Times' drama critic.
935
00:58:04,081 --> 00:58:08,834
Watch closely as Max Bialystock
puts the last nail into the coffin.
936
00:58:09,202 --> 00:58:11,971
- Good evening.
- Good evening, sir.
937
00:58:12,043 --> 00:58:15,336
Always delighted to greet
the gentlemen of the press.
938
00:58:15,361 --> 00:58:17,782
Here you are, sir, two on the aisle.
939
00:58:17,925 --> 00:58:20,082
Compliments of the management.
940
00:58:21,431 --> 00:58:25,017
Wait, wait a moment.
There seems to be some mistake.
941
00:58:25,294 --> 00:58:28,471
There's a 100 dollar bill
wrapped around these tickets!
942
00:58:28,532 --> 00:58:30,204
That's no mistake.
943
00:58:30,570 --> 00:58:32,298
Enjoy the show.
944
00:58:32,641 --> 00:58:36,055
Mr. Bialystock,
just what do you think you're doing?!
945
00:58:36,391 --> 00:58:38,100
I'm bribing you.
946
00:58:38,533 --> 00:58:42,509
Just play ball, there's a lot more
where that came from.
947
00:59:07,352 --> 00:59:09,020
Keep this buttoned.
948
00:59:09,902 --> 00:59:12,570
Straight! Up, up! Always up!
949
00:59:16,695 --> 00:59:20,323
Gentlemen, it is magic time.
Good luck.
950
00:59:21,033 --> 00:59:22,586
Good luck.
951
00:59:24,966 --> 00:59:27,588
Tonight, Broadway, tomorrow...
952
00:59:31,620 --> 00:59:35,337
So much for Nazi feygl*.
(*bird, gay)
953
00:59:43,105 --> 00:59:44,932
He'll kill us.
954
00:59:45,786 --> 00:59:48,246
Max, come, the ouverture's started.
955
00:59:55,223 --> 00:59:56,808
Well, Max...
956
00:59:59,633 --> 01:00:01,438
this is it!
957
01:00:01,575 --> 01:00:03,367
Sorry, I'm a little nervous.
958
01:00:03,423 --> 01:00:06,384
Relax, in two hours,
our worries will be over.
959
01:00:11,083 --> 01:00:14,540
♪ Germany was having trouble
What a sad, sad story
960
01:00:14,628 --> 01:00:18,047
♪ Needed a new leader
To restore its former glory
961
01:00:18,072 --> 01:00:20,073
♪ Where, oh, where was he?
962
01:00:20,301 --> 01:00:22,551
♪ Where could that man be?
963
01:00:22,594 --> 01:00:25,179
♪ We looked around and then we found
964
01:00:25,764 --> 01:00:28,557
♪ The man for you and me
965
01:00:28,975 --> 01:00:31,943
♪ And now it's
966
01:00:31,997 --> 01:00:35,570
♪ Springtime for Hitler
967
01:00:35,649 --> 01:00:38,192
♪ And Germany
968
01:00:39,486 --> 01:00:44,323
♪ Deutschland is happy and gay
969
01:00:46,451 --> 01:00:51,247
♪ We're marching to a faster pace
970
01:00:53,208 --> 01:00:55,746
♪ Look out, here comes
971
01:00:55,794 --> 01:00:58,587
♪ The master race
972
01:01:00,006 --> 01:01:02,675
♪ Springtime for Hitler
973
01:01:02,949 --> 01:01:05,701
♪ And Germany
974
01:01:06,930 --> 01:01:12,226
♪ Winter for Poland and France
975
01:01:13,770 --> 01:01:16,656
♪ Springtime for Hitler
976
01:01:16,756 --> 01:01:19,591
♪ And Germany
977
01:01:19,954 --> 01:01:21,788
♪ Come on, Germans
978
01:01:21,820 --> 01:01:24,572
♪ Go into your dance
979
01:01:29,516 --> 01:01:31,221
♪ I was born in Düsseldorf
980
01:01:31,246 --> 01:01:33,597
♪ And that is why they call me Rolf
981
01:01:35,399 --> 01:01:37,237
♪ Don't be stupid, be a smarty
982
01:01:37,262 --> 01:01:39,657
♪ Come and join the Nazi party!
983
01:02:22,589 --> 01:02:25,750
♪ Springtime for Hitler
984
01:02:25,819 --> 01:02:28,237
♪ And Germany
985
01:02:30,138 --> 01:02:34,266
♪ Goose step's the new step today
986
01:02:37,307 --> 01:02:42,155
♪ Bombs falling from
the skies again
987
01:02:44,696 --> 01:02:49,617
♪ Deutschland is on the rise again
988
01:02:51,910 --> 01:02:54,816
♪ Springtime for Hitler
989
01:02:54,871 --> 01:02:57,456
♪ And Germany
990
01:02:59,084 --> 01:03:02,871
♪ U-boats are sailing Once more
991
01:03:02,896 --> 01:03:06,366
Well! Talk about bad taste!
992
01:03:06,429 --> 01:03:09,860
♪ Springtime for Hitler
993
01:03:09,915 --> 01:03:12,917
♪ And Germany
994
01:03:14,075 --> 01:03:16,243
♪ Means that
995
01:03:16,268 --> 01:03:18,078
♪ Soon we'll be going
996
01:03:18,103 --> 01:03:19,830
♪ We've got to be going
997
01:03:19,855 --> 01:03:24,670
♪ You know, we'll be going to
998
01:03:24,850 --> 01:03:28,911
♪ war!
999
01:03:45,348 --> 01:03:47,567
Come, let us repair to the bar
across the street.
1000
01:03:47,582 --> 01:03:50,000
We don't wanna be caught here
during intermission.
1001
01:03:50,013 --> 01:03:51,999
They'll stone us to death.
1002
01:03:57,271 --> 01:04:00,519
Er liebt Mir,
er liebt mir, nicht.
1003
01:04:00,833 --> 01:04:03,990
Er liebt Mir,
er liebt mir, nicht.
1004
01:04:04,862 --> 01:04:07,135
Du liebst mir, nicht!
1005
01:04:10,113 --> 01:04:11,791
Hey, man!
1006
01:04:12,269 --> 01:04:15,539
I lieb you. I lieb you, baby.
I lieb you!
1007
01:04:15,994 --> 01:04:18,094
Now 'lieb' me alone.
1008
01:04:20,091 --> 01:04:21,675
Harry, he's funny.
1009
01:04:21,708 --> 01:04:23,792
Hey, Murray, he's funny!
1010
01:04:27,198 --> 01:04:28,909
If you lieb me so much,
1011
01:04:28,924 --> 01:04:32,438
why don't you pay attention to me,
you big dictator?
1012
01:04:32,469 --> 01:04:33,844
Oh, you chicks!
1013
01:04:33,845 --> 01:04:35,975
You chicks! You, all alike!
1014
01:04:36,029 --> 01:04:39,350
All you think about is
lieben, lieben, lieben, lieben!
1015
01:04:39,519 --> 01:04:41,971
Don't you forget, baby, I took an oath.
1016
01:04:42,242 --> 01:04:44,628
'Deutschland über alles'!
1017
01:04:46,300 --> 01:04:49,250
So, cool it, while I map out my campaign.
1018
01:04:53,482 --> 01:04:55,711
♪ Gonna crush Poland
1019
01:04:56,778 --> 01:04:59,521
♪ And I'm goin' take over France
1020
01:04:59,666 --> 01:05:02,440
Zow, whee, yeow, zbaba-zuby-zip!
1021
01:05:02,495 --> 01:05:04,166
♪ Sieg heil, sieg heil!
1022
01:05:04,191 --> 01:05:07,485
♪ Then we're gonna take over Poland
1023
01:05:07,671 --> 01:05:10,365
♪ And then I'm a-gonna crush France...
1024
01:05:11,044 --> 01:05:14,755
♪ ...baby. Don't you know, mama.
1025
01:05:14,803 --> 01:05:17,554
♪ Then I'm gonna cross that English Channel
1026
01:05:18,472 --> 01:05:20,606
♪ And then I'm gonna kick them cats
1027
01:05:20,631 --> 01:05:22,527
♪ In the pants, pow!
1028
01:05:35,009 --> 01:05:37,510
Did you see the look on
that woman's face...
1029
01:05:37,536 --> 01:05:39,496
when the guy started to sing
1030
01:05:39,536 --> 01:05:43,122
♪ Springtime For Hitler
1031
01:05:43,147 --> 01:05:45,182
♪ And Germany ♪ And Germany
1032
01:05:46,779 --> 01:05:48,192
Shh!
1033
01:05:48,725 --> 01:05:51,255
Here's to the one and
only performance
1034
01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:53,132
of 'Springtime for Hitler'.
1035
01:05:53,517 --> 01:05:55,524
May it rest in peace.
1036
01:06:00,688 --> 01:06:02,767
Innkeeper! Innkeeper...
1037
01:06:02,824 --> 01:06:05,227
another round of drinks, here.
1038
01:06:05,705 --> 01:06:07,176
As a matter of fact...
1039
01:06:07,216 --> 01:06:10,134
a round of drinks for everybody
in the place.
1040
01:06:13,949 --> 01:06:15,501
Just think,
1041
01:06:15,679 --> 01:06:19,112
yesterday, I was a meaningless
little accountant
1042
01:06:19,159 --> 01:06:22,827
and today I'm the producer
of a Broadway flop!
1043
01:06:23,726 --> 01:06:26,452
Well, here's to failure!
1044
01:06:26,689 --> 01:06:28,126
To failure.
1045
01:06:28,151 --> 01:06:31,545
Oh, thank you.
It's very kind of you.
1046
01:06:43,308 --> 01:06:45,225
Bitte schön, mein Führer.
1047
01:06:46,311 --> 01:06:48,771
Hey, man, you're a German!
1048
01:06:50,273 --> 01:06:52,036
We're all Germans!
1049
01:06:53,438 --> 01:06:55,067
That's right!
1050
01:06:55,499 --> 01:06:58,538
That means we cannot attack Germany!
1051
01:07:01,646 --> 01:07:04,694
I mean, I got all my friends here,
you know?
1052
01:07:05,789 --> 01:07:07,414
And what about me?
1053
01:07:07,999 --> 01:07:09,875
And then there's the country club
1054
01:07:09,876 --> 01:07:11,776
and the laughs every night.
1055
01:07:11,878 --> 01:07:14,421
We got to do something...
I got it!
1056
01:07:14,609 --> 01:07:16,981
I've got it! I've got it!
1057
01:07:17,028 --> 01:07:18,977
- I've got it!
- What have you got?"
1058
01:07:19,010 --> 01:07:21,553
A medal that fell down my pants, man.
1059
01:07:21,888 --> 01:07:23,613
Get it out, baby.
1060
01:07:23,960 --> 01:07:25,711
Danke schön, baby.
1061
01:07:25,767 --> 01:07:28,644
Baby. Baby?
1062
01:07:29,005 --> 01:07:31,000
Why does he say this "baby"?
1063
01:07:31,022 --> 01:07:34,406
The Führer has never said "baby."
I did not write "baby."
1064
01:07:34,442 --> 01:07:36,360
What is it with this "baby"?
1065
01:07:36,398 --> 01:07:38,388
Will you please shut up?
1066
01:07:38,413 --> 01:07:41,016
You shut up.
You are the audience,
1067
01:07:41,116 --> 01:07:43,909
I am the author. I outrank you!
1068
01:07:45,301 --> 01:07:48,345
Barkeep, barkeep!
Another drink for myself...
1069
01:07:49,245 --> 01:07:51,126
my associate, Mr. Bloom...
1070
01:07:54,207 --> 01:07:55,808
and don't forget,
1071
01:07:55,856 --> 01:07:58,668
our good-natured inebriate,
over here.
1072
01:08:06,850 --> 01:08:08,722
Eternally grateful.
1073
01:08:11,187 --> 01:08:13,003
- A toast!
- A toast!
1074
01:08:13,028 --> 01:08:14,566
A toast!
1075
01:08:14,972 --> 01:08:16,375
To what?
1076
01:08:16,423 --> 01:08:18,057
To...
1077
01:08:20,054 --> 01:08:22,178
To toast. I love toast.
1078
01:08:22,356 --> 01:08:24,791
- To toast.
- To toast.
1079
01:08:31,583 --> 01:08:33,021
Now...
1080
01:08:33,097 --> 01:08:34,969
I'll take the lead,
1081
01:08:34,994 --> 01:08:38,438
♪ and I want you
right behind me all the way!
1082
01:08:39,752 --> 01:08:42,752
♪ By the light ( By the light)
1083
01:08:42,908 --> 01:08:47,200
♪ Of the silvery moon
(Of the silvery moon)
1084
01:08:47,228 --> 01:08:51,160
♪ I want to spoon
(He wants to spoon)
1085
01:08:51,316 --> 01:08:56,103
♪ To my honey I'll croon
(He's gonna croon love's tune)
1086
01:08:56,128 --> 01:08:59,407
♪ Honeymoon
(Honeymoon, Honeymoon)
1087
01:08:59,478 --> 01:09:03,416
♪ keep a-shining in June
(Your ...)
1088
01:09:03,442 --> 01:09:04,692
Sing out!
1089
01:09:04,717 --> 01:09:08,012
♪ (...silvery beams
will bring love dreams)
1090
01:09:08,105 --> 01:09:09,910
♪ (we'll be cuddling soon)
1091
01:09:09,956 --> 01:09:11,955
ALL RIGHT PIAF!
1092
01:09:12,011 --> 01:09:15,761
♪ (By the silvery moon)
1093
01:09:26,137 --> 01:09:28,096
It's intermission! Quick,
1094
01:09:28,146 --> 01:09:30,799
hide your faces!
They'll tear us to pieces.
1095
01:09:34,562 --> 01:09:37,606
- Give us a couple...
- I'll have a Manhattan.
1096
01:09:37,906 --> 01:09:40,431
- Here you go, Frank.
- You getting it? Good boy.
1097
01:09:40,471 --> 01:09:42,156
Two whiskey sours, please.
1098
01:09:42,185 --> 01:09:44,857
Well, so far, that's about
one of the funniest things
1099
01:09:44,882 --> 01:09:46,219
I've ever seen on Broadway.
1100
01:09:46,244 --> 01:09:48,704
I never laughed so much
in my life.
1101
01:09:48,729 --> 01:09:50,192
Absolutely hysterical!
1102
01:09:50,217 --> 01:09:52,716
I thought I'd split my sides!
1103
01:09:54,367 --> 01:09:56,535
Take it easy. Don't panic.
1104
01:09:56,560 --> 01:09:58,392
There are a lot of plays on this street.
1105
01:09:58,417 --> 01:10:01,115
They aren't necessarily talking about
'Springtime for Hitler'.
1106
01:10:01,146 --> 01:10:03,131
Would you ever believe,
in a million years,
1107
01:10:03,179 --> 01:10:06,751
you'd ever love a show called
'Springtime for Hitler'?
1108
01:10:07,485 --> 01:10:09,916
Hey, come on, let's get back!
If the second act
1109
01:10:09,941 --> 01:10:12,575
is anything like the first,
this'll run for five years!
1110
01:10:12,600 --> 01:10:14,466
♪ "Springtime for Hitler
1111
01:10:14,495 --> 01:10:16,282
♪ "And Germany"
1112
01:10:18,856 --> 01:10:21,932
Gotta think... Gotta think.
1113
01:10:22,069 --> 01:10:24,684
Mrs. Cathcart, 50%.
1114
01:10:25,063 --> 01:10:27,286
Mrs. Resnick, 50%.
1115
01:10:27,311 --> 01:10:28,895
Gotta think.
1116
01:10:28,920 --> 01:10:30,682
Mrs. Biddlecomb, 50%.
1117
01:10:30,901 --> 01:10:32,331
Gotta think.
1118
01:10:32,356 --> 01:10:34,753
Mrs. Wentworth, 100%.
1119
01:10:38,068 --> 01:10:40,443
- Leo. - No way out.
- Leo. - No way out.
1120
01:10:40,827 --> 01:10:42,851
- Leo. - No way out.
- Leo. - No way out.
1121
01:10:42,995 --> 01:10:45,382
- Leo. - No way... - Leo.
1122
01:10:46,519 --> 01:10:48,571
- No way...
- Leo, listen,
1123
01:10:48,883 --> 01:10:51,750
let's go to the theater.
Let's see what's really happening.
1124
01:10:51,775 --> 01:10:55,486
After all, we only heard from
a small portion of the audience.
1125
01:10:56,060 --> 01:10:58,520
Let's hear what the majority thinks.
1126
01:10:58,722 --> 01:11:00,655
- The majority?
- The majority.
1127
01:11:01,081 --> 01:11:02,917
- The majority!
- The majority.
1128
01:11:02,942 --> 01:11:05,110
Let's hear from the majority.
1129
01:11:05,327 --> 01:11:07,228
- Where's the majority?
- Majority.
1130
01:11:07,283 --> 01:11:09,601
- Let's hear the majority.
- The majority.
1131
01:11:09,626 --> 01:11:11,413
- See the majority?
- Majority
1132
01:11:11,438 --> 01:11:13,430
- Where's the majority?
- Majority.
1133
01:11:23,708 --> 01:11:26,302
♪ Thumm, thumm, thumm...
1134
01:11:29,014 --> 01:11:31,890
♪ One and one is two
Two and two is four
1135
01:11:31,915 --> 01:11:35,202
♪ I feel so bad
'cause I'm losing the war.
1136
01:11:39,997 --> 01:11:41,998
Excuse me. Excuse me.
1137
01:11:42,023 --> 01:11:43,916
The play here is in progress!
1138
01:11:43,941 --> 01:11:46,735
You must be quiet!
Schwein! Schwein!
1139
01:11:51,991 --> 01:11:54,887
Oh, man, we're losing everything!
Everything!
1140
01:11:54,928 --> 01:11:57,758
Where's my Goebbels?
Where's my Goebbels?
1141
01:11:57,789 --> 01:11:59,581
Get me my little Joe!
1142
01:11:59,749 --> 01:12:01,124
Send for Goebbels!
1143
01:12:01,125 --> 01:12:05,629
- Send for Goebbels!
- Send for Goebbels!
1144
01:12:11,094 --> 01:12:14,337
- Heil, baby!
- Hey, baby! What's happening?
1145
01:12:14,385 --> 01:12:17,345
I just laid the morning propaganda
programs on the people.
1146
01:12:17,392 --> 01:12:19,935
You're putting me on!
What did they say?
1147
01:12:19,936 --> 01:12:22,405
I told the people
we invaded England!
1148
01:12:22,448 --> 01:12:25,492
Hey, that's a groove, daddy!
How did we come out?
1149
01:12:25,525 --> 01:12:27,164
We beat 'em, baby!
1150
01:12:27,189 --> 01:12:29,523
Groovy! That's my Joe.
That's my little Joe.
1151
01:12:29,564 --> 01:12:31,210
I love my little Joe.
1152
01:12:32,141 --> 01:12:33,556
Joseph...
1153
01:12:33,597 --> 01:12:36,182
you are smoking
in the presence of the Führer.
1154
01:12:36,452 --> 01:12:38,372
I'm sorry, big daddy.
1155
01:12:41,249 --> 01:12:42,800
They try.
1156
01:12:42,959 --> 01:12:45,105
Man, how they try!
1157
01:12:46,320 --> 01:12:48,680
- Ja!
- Hey, what can I do for you?
1158
01:12:48,712 --> 01:12:51,128
You will please be unconscious.
1159
01:12:51,451 --> 01:12:54,311
This is an outrage.
It must stop.
1160
01:12:54,330 --> 01:12:56,462
It makes me so mad,
what they do.
1161
01:12:56,487 --> 01:12:58,402
Curtain must go down! Down!
1162
01:12:58,980 --> 01:13:00,668
What's happening?
1163
01:13:06,274 --> 01:13:08,375
I am the author of this play.
1164
01:13:08,489 --> 01:13:10,560
You are the victims of a hoax!
1165
01:13:10,616 --> 01:13:12,174
These are not my words.
1166
01:13:12,199 --> 01:13:14,525
The Führer has never
said this "baby"!
1167
01:13:14,566 --> 01:13:16,213
The Führer was sweet.
1168
01:13:16,244 --> 01:13:17,808
The Führer was kind.
1169
01:13:17,833 --> 01:13:19,650
The Führer was good!
1170
01:13:19,681 --> 01:13:21,403
Oh, he loved me!
1171
01:13:21,428 --> 01:13:24,075
Often... Often, he would say to me:
1172
01:13:24,213 --> 01:13:26,418
"Franz"... Oww!
1173
01:13:56,741 --> 01:13:58,137
Boo-boo?
1174
01:13:58,630 --> 01:14:00,106
Boo-boo!
1175
01:14:02,313 --> 01:14:05,115
- Yeah?
- We make love?
1176
01:14:05,833 --> 01:14:08,543
No. We don't make love.
1177
01:14:09,023 --> 01:14:10,585
Go to work.
1178
01:14:36,819 --> 01:14:38,535
"Congratulations,
1179
01:14:38,815 --> 01:14:41,271
"it's the biggest hit on Broadway."
1180
01:14:42,877 --> 01:14:44,447
"Congratulations,
1181
01:14:44,772 --> 01:14:46,932
"Hitler will run forever."
1182
01:14:48,626 --> 01:14:51,270
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
1183
01:14:51,620 --> 01:14:54,387
Congratulations!
CONGRATULATIONS!
1184
01:14:54,924 --> 01:14:57,782
Congratulations!
1185
01:14:57,843 --> 01:15:00,464
Have you seen the lines
at the box office?
1186
01:15:00,489 --> 01:15:02,635
It's a torrent.
It's an avalanche.
1187
01:15:02,682 --> 01:15:04,999
It's the biggest hit on Broadway!
1188
01:15:05,054 --> 01:15:07,934
You lousy fruit, you ruined me!
1189
01:15:09,595 --> 01:15:11,485
You're crazy...
He's gonna kill me!
1190
01:15:11,517 --> 01:15:12,917
Call the police!
1191
01:15:12,942 --> 01:15:14,796
Help! Help! Murder!
1192
01:15:14,821 --> 01:15:16,349
RAPE!
1193
01:15:19,824 --> 01:15:21,633
Don't let anybody in.
1194
01:15:21,684 --> 01:15:23,367
I got to think.
1195
01:15:23,932 --> 01:15:25,573
I got to think.
1196
01:15:29,925 --> 01:15:31,719
How could this happen?
1197
01:15:32,712 --> 01:15:36,344
I was so careful;
I picked the wrong play,
1198
01:15:37,044 --> 01:15:39,569
the wrong director, the wrong cast.
1199
01:15:40,289 --> 01:15:42,280
Where did I go right?
1200
01:15:47,656 --> 01:15:49,109
What are you doing?
1201
01:15:49,140 --> 01:15:51,354
Don't try to stop me,
I've made up my mind.
1202
01:15:51,379 --> 01:15:55,033
- What are you doing with the books?
- I'm turning myself in. It's the only way.
1203
01:15:55,058 --> 01:15:56,475
I'm gonna cooperate with the authorities.
1204
01:15:56,499 --> 01:15:59,001
They'll reduce my sentence,
and then, time off for good behavior.
1205
01:15:59,025 --> 01:16:02,115
Maybe I'll get a job in the
prison library. So long.
1206
01:16:02,139 --> 01:16:03,850
Leo, Leo, Leo!
1207
01:16:04,751 --> 01:16:06,486
Leo. Take it easy.
1208
01:16:06,565 --> 01:16:10,099
Relax. You're overwrought.
You don't know what you're doing.
1209
01:16:10,124 --> 01:16:12,817
You're acting out of panic.
Gimme those books!
1210
01:16:12,859 --> 01:16:16,654
- I never should've listened to you!
- I never should've listened to YOU!
1211
01:16:16,679 --> 01:16:20,269
- Ooh, how I hate you!
- Double, double, double!
1212
01:16:27,900 --> 01:16:29,859
Fat! Fat!
1213
01:16:30,501 --> 01:16:32,144
Fat Fat
1214
01:16:32,169 --> 01:16:33,672
You fatty!
1215
01:16:33,990 --> 01:16:36,066
Gimme those books, you fat walrus!
1216
01:16:36,091 --> 01:16:38,610
- Never!
- Give 'em quick!
1217
01:16:38,635 --> 01:16:41,563
You fat fatty,
give me those fat books!
1218
01:16:41,606 --> 01:16:43,241
No! No!
1219
01:16:45,548 --> 01:16:47,853
You have broken the sacred oath!
1220
01:16:47,886 --> 01:16:49,501
You must die!
1221
01:16:57,338 --> 01:16:59,252
This is not good here.
1222
01:16:59,701 --> 01:17:01,557
I am not killing you.
1223
01:17:01,660 --> 01:17:04,495
Don't you understand?
You must die.
1224
01:17:04,848 --> 01:17:06,783
Will you cooperate!
1225
01:17:07,393 --> 01:17:09,752
- Come in! - Come in!
- Come in! - Come in!
1226
01:17:10,309 --> 01:17:12,612
I hear noise. You call?
1227
01:17:13,354 --> 01:17:15,141
Where are you...
1228
01:17:17,274 --> 01:17:18,825
Boo!
1229
01:17:18,943 --> 01:17:20,575
I see you.
1230
01:17:20,888 --> 01:17:23,144
You like something? Coffee?
1231
01:17:23,614 --> 01:17:25,132
Coffee.
1232
01:17:25,444 --> 01:17:27,633
Yes... Good idea.
1233
01:17:28,240 --> 01:17:30,952
Ask the gentleman with the gun...
1234
01:17:32,079 --> 01:17:34,438
the gentleman who
is shooting at us,
1235
01:17:34,463 --> 01:17:36,393
and trying to kill us,
1236
01:17:36,704 --> 01:17:38,468
what he will have.
1237
01:17:41,383 --> 01:17:43,507
- You like coffee?
- Hm, ah...
1238
01:17:44,288 --> 01:17:47,514
Kaffee? Ja. Black, two sugars.
1239
01:17:47,645 --> 01:17:49,097
Two regular,
1240
01:17:49,144 --> 01:17:51,457
one black, two sugar.
1241
01:17:51,535 --> 01:17:52,996
Good!
1242
01:17:59,940 --> 01:18:01,760
- Champagne?
- No, thanks.
1243
01:18:01,785 --> 01:18:03,937
I have just ordered Kaffee.
1244
01:18:08,140 --> 01:18:11,419
Are you coming out
from behind this desk or not?
1245
01:18:11,474 --> 01:18:13,683
- NOT!
- Cowards!
1246
01:18:13,959 --> 01:18:16,583
Miserable, cringing cowards!
1247
01:18:17,168 --> 01:18:19,836
Clinging to life! Watch!
1248
01:18:20,647 --> 01:18:22,575
Watch und remember!
1249
01:18:22,983 --> 01:18:26,749
Franz Liebkind will show you
how to die like a man!
1250
01:18:28,956 --> 01:18:34,477
♪ Deutschland, Deutschland, über alles
1251
01:18:34,782 --> 01:18:37,657
- Please, sing.
- ♪ Über alles in der Welt
1252
01:18:37,772 --> 01:18:40,023
Soon I will be with mein Führer.
1253
01:18:40,121 --> 01:18:42,543
Und Göring! Und Goebbels!
1254
01:18:42,943 --> 01:18:44,527
Und Himmler!
1255
01:18:44,558 --> 01:18:47,260
I'm coming, boys!
1256
01:18:50,868 --> 01:18:53,600
Boy, when things go wrong!
1257
01:18:58,789 --> 01:19:01,594
Wasted a whole day
playing hide-and-seek
1258
01:19:01,633 --> 01:19:03,543
with a crazy kraut!
1259
01:19:06,436 --> 01:19:09,784
- There, there.
- Where? Where?
1260
01:19:10,831 --> 01:19:13,401
You crazy lunatic,
what are you shooting at us for?
1261
01:19:13,411 --> 01:19:15,807
Why don't you use this
where it'll do some good?
1262
01:19:15,812 --> 01:19:18,099
Why don't you shoot at the actors?
1263
01:19:21,093 --> 01:19:22,678
Franz...
1264
01:19:22,911 --> 01:19:25,069
have I ever steered you wrong?
1265
01:19:25,295 --> 01:19:28,339
- Always.
- Never mind. Listen.
1266
01:19:29,198 --> 01:19:33,125
Every night, people are laughing
at your beloved Führer. Why?
1267
01:19:33,282 --> 01:19:35,992
It is... It is that LSD.
1268
01:19:36,413 --> 01:19:39,028
Und his verdammte "babies"!
1269
01:19:40,793 --> 01:19:42,529
Here... Here!
1270
01:19:42,971 --> 01:19:44,606
Buy bullets.
1271
01:19:44,839 --> 01:19:46,633
Go. Kill.
1272
01:19:46,983 --> 01:19:49,445
- Kill the actors.
- What?!
1273
01:19:49,510 --> 01:19:52,095
- Shut up!
- Ja, the actors.
1274
01:19:52,388 --> 01:19:54,369
I must destroy the actors.
1275
01:19:55,402 --> 01:19:58,440
Stop. This is insanity!
Have you lost your mind?
1276
01:19:58,465 --> 01:20:01,145
How can you kill the actors?
What do you mean, kill the actors?
1277
01:20:01,146 --> 01:20:03,308
Actors are not animals,
they're human beings.
1278
01:20:03,333 --> 01:20:05,667
They are?!
Have you ever eaten with one?
1279
01:20:05,692 --> 01:20:07,621
Go! Go, kill! Forward!
1280
01:20:08,351 --> 01:20:11,103
- No!
- Make up your minds!
1281
01:20:11,737 --> 01:20:13,680
What are you doing?
We're trapped.
1282
01:20:13,705 --> 01:20:16,178
It's either the show or us.
There's no way out.
1283
01:20:16,203 --> 01:20:18,869
What can we do,
blow up the theater?
1284
01:20:34,792 --> 01:20:36,660
- Dynamite.
- Dynamite.
1285
01:20:36,692 --> 01:20:38,208
Dynamite.
1286
01:20:42,608 --> 01:20:44,077
- Fuse.
- Fuse.
1287
01:20:44,102 --> 01:20:45,436
Fuse.
1288
01:20:52,383 --> 01:20:53,586
Und...
1289
01:20:53,699 --> 01:20:56,336
Und now for the master connection.
1290
01:21:38,284 --> 01:21:39,886
- Haahh!
- Don't shoot!
1291
01:21:39,920 --> 01:21:41,417
It's the dynamite.
1292
01:21:41,442 --> 01:21:43,514
If you shoot it,
it will get mad at us
1293
01:21:43,539 --> 01:21:45,170
and blow us all up.
1294
01:21:45,626 --> 01:21:47,291
That is good thinking.
1295
01:21:47,777 --> 01:21:49,653
I will put this dynamite back.
1296
01:21:49,707 --> 01:21:51,158
Good.
1297
01:21:52,424 --> 01:21:55,510
Next time I produce a play,
no author.
1298
01:22:00,432 --> 01:22:02,298
- Max?
- What is it?
1299
01:22:02,893 --> 01:22:04,659
- Max?
- What?
1300
01:22:04,684 --> 01:22:06,565
Remember yesterday in the office
1301
01:22:06,590 --> 01:22:08,893
- when we were fighting?
- So?
1302
01:22:09,447 --> 01:22:12,490
I'm sorry I called you "fat, fat, fat."
1303
01:22:20,285 --> 01:22:21,828
Gentlemen.
1304
01:22:22,246 --> 01:22:25,623
We have here a technical problem.
1305
01:22:26,000 --> 01:22:29,237
I do not, not know whether
this little devil here
1306
01:22:29,262 --> 01:22:32,213
is the quick fuse,
or the slow fuse.
1307
01:22:32,638 --> 01:22:34,779
I must find this out.
1308
01:22:46,562 --> 01:22:48,247
This is critical.
1309
01:22:49,007 --> 01:22:50,304
Ja...
1310
01:22:51,350 --> 01:22:52,694
Ja...
1311
01:22:59,222 --> 01:23:01,496
Ah, ja, ja. You see this?
1312
01:23:01,537 --> 01:23:04,497
You see this, here,
what I have told you?
1313
01:23:04,538 --> 01:23:07,727
Ja. This is an example
of smartness, here.
1314
01:23:07,759 --> 01:23:10,699
I have said that this
is the quick fuse, eh?
1315
01:23:10,723 --> 01:23:12,794
And this is the quick fuse.
1316
01:23:13,422 --> 01:23:15,286
- The quick fuse!
- Aaahh!
1317
01:23:29,904 --> 01:23:33,829
♪ Oh, beautiful,
für spacious skies,
1318
01:23:33,859 --> 01:23:35,954
Has the jury reached a verdict?
1319
01:23:37,154 --> 01:23:40,148
- We have, your honor.
- How does the jury find?
1320
01:23:40,491 --> 01:23:43,568
We find the defendants
incredibly guilty.
1321
01:23:43,676 --> 01:23:46,568
Do the defendants have anything
to say in their behalf
1322
01:23:46,593 --> 01:23:49,123
before the court pronounces sentence?
1323
01:23:50,497 --> 01:23:53,079
I would like to say something,
your honor.
1324
01:23:53,104 --> 01:23:54,618
Not on my behalf,
1325
01:23:54,643 --> 01:23:57,399
but in reference to my partner,
Mr. Bialystock.
1326
01:23:57,713 --> 01:23:59,075
Proceed.
1327
01:23:59,335 --> 01:24:00,752
Your honor,
1328
01:24:01,422 --> 01:24:03,548
ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
1329
01:24:04,890 --> 01:24:08,476
Max Bialystock is the most
1330
01:24:10,354 --> 01:24:13,648
selfish man I ever met in my life.
1331
01:24:14,269 --> 01:24:15,787
Don't help me.
1332
01:24:15,937 --> 01:24:17,897
Not only is he a liar
1333
01:24:19,013 --> 01:24:20,694
and a cheat
1334
01:24:21,771 --> 01:24:24,898
and a scoundrel and a crook
1335
01:24:25,639 --> 01:24:28,663
who has taken money from
little old ladies
1336
01:24:29,395 --> 01:24:32,684
but he's also talked people
into doing things,
1337
01:24:32,709 --> 01:24:34,210
especially me,
1338
01:24:35,371 --> 01:24:37,935
that they would never,
in a thousand years,
1339
01:24:37,960 --> 01:24:39,905
have dreamed of doing.
1340
01:24:41,095 --> 01:24:42,768
But, your honor,
1341
01:24:43,720 --> 01:24:45,495
as I understand it,
1342
01:24:46,717 --> 01:24:49,339
the law was created
1343
01:24:50,122 --> 01:24:53,800
to protect people from being wronged.
1344
01:24:55,809 --> 01:24:57,417
Your honor,
1345
01:24:58,267 --> 01:25:02,096
whom has Max Bialystock wronged?
1346
01:25:02,842 --> 01:25:04,285
I mean,
1347
01:25:04,614 --> 01:25:06,573
whom has he really hurt?
1348
01:25:06,832 --> 01:25:08,281
Not me.
1349
01:25:09,480 --> 01:25:10,836
Not me.
1350
01:25:11,093 --> 01:25:12,594
I was...
1351
01:25:14,681 --> 01:25:16,273
This man...
1352
01:25:19,020 --> 01:25:21,313
No one ever called me
Leo, before.
1353
01:25:21,932 --> 01:25:25,157
I mean, I know it's not a
big legal point, but...
1354
01:25:25,935 --> 01:25:29,036
even in kindergarten,
they used to call me Bloom.
1355
01:25:29,270 --> 01:25:32,185
I never sang a song before...
I mean with someone else.
1356
01:25:32,186 --> 01:25:34,880
I never sang a song with
someone else before.
1357
01:25:35,539 --> 01:25:36,980
This man...
1358
01:25:38,340 --> 01:25:39,912
This man...
1359
01:25:40,777 --> 01:25:42,927
This is a wonderful man.
1360
01:25:44,449 --> 01:25:46,644
He made me what I am today.
1361
01:25:47,653 --> 01:25:49,073
He did.
1362
01:25:51,603 --> 01:25:53,588
And what of the dear ladies?
1363
01:25:54,625 --> 01:25:58,151
What would their lives have
been without Max Bialystock?
1364
01:25:59,932 --> 01:26:01,516
Max Bialystock,
1365
01:26:02,569 --> 01:26:05,310
who made them feel young
1366
01:26:06,330 --> 01:26:08,248
and attractive
1367
01:26:09,139 --> 01:26:10,765
and wanted again.
1368
01:26:14,977 --> 01:26:17,145
That's all that I have to say.
1369
01:26:22,402 --> 01:26:24,022
Order. Order.
1370
01:26:27,842 --> 01:26:29,969
And may I humbly add,
your honor,
1371
01:26:30,018 --> 01:26:31,958
that we've learned our lesson
1372
01:26:32,003 --> 01:26:34,297
and that we'll never do it again.
1373
01:26:38,232 --> 01:26:40,717
Eins, twei, drei, vier...
1374
01:26:42,612 --> 01:26:44,659
♪ Prisoners of love
1375
01:26:44,714 --> 01:26:46,465
♪ Blue skies above
1376
01:26:46,843 --> 01:26:49,637
♪ Can't keep our hearts in jail
1377
01:26:56,478 --> 01:26:58,312
NO! No! No!
1378
01:26:59,040 --> 01:27:02,228
Now, come on, guys,
let's put a little life in it.
1379
01:27:04,569 --> 01:27:06,195
♪ Prisoners of love
1380
01:27:06,780 --> 01:27:08,698
♪ Blue skies above
1381
01:27:09,157 --> 01:27:12,910
♪ Can't keep our hearts in jail
1382
01:27:13,578 --> 01:27:15,538
♪ Prisoners of love
1383
01:27:16,832 --> 01:27:19,495
You now own 20% of
'Prisoners of Love'.
1384
01:27:19,543 --> 01:27:21,487
Congratulations... Yes, sir?
1385
01:27:27,551 --> 01:27:29,899
You now own 30% of
'Prisoners of Love'.
1386
01:27:29,924 --> 01:27:31,884
Congratulations... Yes, sir?
1387
01:27:33,408 --> 01:27:35,200
The warden would like to make
1388
01:27:35,225 --> 01:27:37,852
a little investment in your
production.
1389
01:27:43,567 --> 01:27:45,775
Tell him he owns 50% of the show.
1390
01:27:45,819 --> 01:27:47,546
- Thanks!
- My pleasure.
1391
01:27:47,571 --> 01:27:49,559
From the top, Franz, once more.
1392
01:27:49,584 --> 01:27:51,865
Eins, twei, drei, und...
1393
01:27:52,659 --> 01:27:54,782
♪ Prisoners of love
1394
01:27:54,828 --> 01:27:56,704
♪ Blue skies above
1395
01:27:57,080 --> 01:27:59,211
♪ Can't keep our hearts in jail
1396
01:27:59,249 --> 01:28:00,958
Sing it out, men!
1397
01:28:01,501 --> 01:28:02,877
♪ Prisoners of love
1398
01:28:02,878 --> 01:28:05,212
Higher, you animals, higher!
1399
01:28:05,213 --> 01:28:07,965
We open in Leavenworth
Saturday night!☻
1400
01:28:09,176 --> 01:28:11,635
♪ You can lock us up
1401
01:28:11,636 --> 01:28:13,471
♪ And lose the key
1402
01:28:13,805 --> 01:28:17,600
♪ But hearts in love
are always free
1403
01:28:18,560 --> 01:28:20,546
♪ Prisoners of love
1404
01:28:20,580 --> 01:28:22,497
♪ Blue skies above
1405
01:28:22,522 --> 01:28:25,941
♪ 'cause we're still prisoners of love
1406
01:28:26,318 --> 01:28:30,339
♪ You can lock us up and lose the key
1407
01:28:30,364 --> 01:28:32,591
♪ But hearts in love
1408
01:28:32,616 --> 01:28:34,325
♪ Will always be
1409
01:28:37,724 --> 01:28:40,143
♪ Prisoners of love
1410
01:28:43,335 --> 01:28:45,586
♪ Blue skies above
1411
01:28:45,796 --> 01:28:47,967
♪ 'cause we're still prisoners
1412
01:28:48,006 --> 01:28:49,865
♪ We're still prisoners
1413
01:28:49,925 --> 01:28:54,227
♪ We're still prisoners of love
1414
01:28:54,511 --> 01:28:59,557
♪Subtitles corrected by♪ XQ2☻♥