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NARRATOR: Welcome
to Camp Blue Finch,
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00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:52,007
where romance in the sun
can turn deadly!
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00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:56,040
Best summer ever!
(CHEERING)
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00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,280
This is the summer
that's going to change your life.
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00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,521
NARRATOR: Where
the days are warm...
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00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,728
Hey, Nance,
that guitar is choice.
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Thanks, Blake.
Bitching hair.
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00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,362
...the girls are cool...
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00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,090
Did I miss the Kumbaya circle?
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00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,527
...the nights are always hot.
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00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:15,088
And evil lurks
around every corner.
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Gosh, you startled me.
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So, I just go down
that path all the way?
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A guy like you can go
anywhere he wants.
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(CHUCKLES)
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NARRATOR:
And any moment, Billy can strike.
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(SCREAMING)
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(GROANING)
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(SCREAMING)
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00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:37,844
They won't be singing Kumbaya.
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They'll be screaming Kum Ba No!
(SCREAMING)
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Pack your bags
for Camp Bloodbath...
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You just messed
with the wrong virgin.
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...where the only marshmallow
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that will roast is your sanity.
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(CHUCKLES FAINTLY)
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(SIGHS)
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Well, they'll let me know.
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You know you're too good
for this crap, right?
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The casting director was all like,
"I know you from somewhere."
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And I went, "Really?
Oh, it's probably
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00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,768
"my arc on CSI as
a bipolar mistress."
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00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,446
And he's like,
"No, I got it. Camp Bloodbath. "
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00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:57,521
(GROANS)
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00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,284
Am I ever going to
live that movie down?
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00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,806
I mean, it was 20 years ago.
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Honestly, if you
ever become an actor,
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00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:04,685
don't ever do a slasher flick.
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You wouldn't catch me dead in a movie.
You're the actress here.
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Damn straight.
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And I'm no actress.
I'm a movie star.
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(BOTH LAUGHING)
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00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:16,721
(SIGHS)
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Mel's?
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Mel's.
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(GEAR STICK CLICKS)
Let's rock and roll.
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MAX: So, we owe
the electric company
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00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:32,882
$174.88 by next Monday...
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00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,804
You remember Frank?
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00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:36,881
He told me he was
going to take me
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00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,610
to Palm Springs this weekend.
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No message.
No text.
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No surprise.
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You know, it's just
he said we were exclusive.
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00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,688
Well, he said it,
he doesn't act like it.
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Whatever.
What do I know?
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You must think I'm a total zero.
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00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:54,286
Screw him, Mom.
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00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,283
And screw his shady
hotel in Palm Springs.
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00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,324
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, my God.
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00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,004
Look at you taking care of me.
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00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,560
What happened to
that little girl
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00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:04,840
I used to dance with
in the backyard?
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00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:06,729
She grew up and is
trying to figure out
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00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,167
where this $174
is gonna come from.
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00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,682
What are you doing?
Are you crazy?
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00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:16,927
(GASPS) Our song!
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00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,081
(TURNS VOLUME UP)
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00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,604
Mom. We need to
figure this out.
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00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,285
(MOUTHING)
♪ Her hair is Harlowe gold
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00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,644
♪ Her lips sweet surprise
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♪ Her hands are never cold
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You're such a dork.
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00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,927
♪ She's got
Bette Davis eyes ♪
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Everything in my life, I got wrong.
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00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,689
But you,
I got you right.
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I love you.
You know that, right?
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♪ She's pure as
New York snow
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00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:49,441
♪ She's got
Bette Davis eyes ♪
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What?
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Nothing.
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00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,081
Nothing.
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00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,649
(TURNS VOLUME UP)
♪ She'll unease you
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00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,447
(MOUTHING)
♪ All the better just to please you
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00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:05,686
♪ She's precocious
and she knows just
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00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:10,084
(MOUTHING)
♪ What it takes to make a pro blush
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00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:14,404
♪ She got Greta Garbo
stand off sighs
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00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:18,405
♪ She's got
Bette Davis eyes ♪
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(GASPS)
Max, those are really expensive...
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(TIRES SCREECHING)
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00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,450
(ALARM BLARING)
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00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:12,281
(ALARM TURNS OFF)
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00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,404
AUNT PEARL: Gertie's here.
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00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,809
Coming, Aunt Pearl.
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00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:49,446
So, when Chris asked you to study,
was he like,
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00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,045
"I want you to come study"?
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Or was he like,
"I want you to come.
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00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,651
"Study."
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00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,041
Please. I'm only going,
so I don't flunk Classics.
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00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,122
Come on, you know that he
broke up with Vicki last week, right?
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00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,009
And she is a mess.
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00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,242
Have you seen the veiled
suicide note/poem
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00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,442
she posted on her Facebook page?
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(CHUCKLING)
It's so hilarious.
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I read it out loud to myself.
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A lot.
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00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:17,441
Hmm.
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00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,324
Hey, just keep on keeping on.
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00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,731
What does that even mean?
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00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,768
Something my therapist
tells me all the time.
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You have a therapist?
Mmm-hmm.
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Does that help you deal?
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Mmm. No, not really.
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She's a physical
therapist, so...
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(HORN BLARES)
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CHRIS: Okay. So, the
myth of Persephone.
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Max, you want to take this one?
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Sure.
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She's the daughter of Zeus
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and she eats pomegranate seeds,
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and then Hades kidnaps her
to the underworld.
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Yeah. Okay, good.
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So, they go back
to the underworld
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and Persephone is freaking out,
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and Hermes is like,
"It's okay, it's okay.
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"Just keep looking forward,
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00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,890
"or we'll be
stuck here forever."
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Max, do you want to jot
any of this down or...
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00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,644
Oh, no, it's okay, Max.
I've already got a copy.
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You can copy from me later
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00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,963
or I can give it to you
if you... If you want.
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I'm gonna stop talking.
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00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:08,807
(CHRIS CLEARS THROAT)
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00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,727
Oh, shit.
Max, hey, wait.
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Did you not get my messages?
Duncan. No.
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Please, come on. Please.
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Seriously, no.
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The Bath-maticians
were so excited when I told them
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that Amanda Cartwright's
daughter was my sister's best friend.
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Step-sister.
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00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,648
Why would you say that?
That's so hurtful.
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Please, Max,
I promised that you'd be there.
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I am the assistant
general manager
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00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,123
of the varsity.
Think of my reputation.
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Wait. What are
"Bath-maticians"?
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Uh, Camp Bloodbath fans.
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It's kind of our
awesome nickname.
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Did you know that a nickname
immediately becomes uncool
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when you give it to yourself?
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You know what, Gertie?
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00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,568
When my dad told me that I was
going to get a sister, I cried
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because that's all
I'd ever wanted.
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But not like this.
Not like this.
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Don't.
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Look, Camp Bloodbath
is like the granddaddy
156
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:02,289
of all campsite
slasher films, okay.
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00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:03,725
Amazing production design,
158
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,041
insane music,
over-the-top acting.
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It's a cult classic.
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Max's mom plays Nancy,
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this sort of
shy girl-next-door
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who gives up her butterfly
to some dumb jock,
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and Billy Murphy comes along
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(IN AN ACCENT)
and chops her ass up on a waterbed.
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(SCOFFS) Sorry, Duncan.
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Tell your cult, maybe
I'll see them next year.
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I'll do all your
Classics assignments
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for the rest of the year.
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Papers, your homework,
all of it.
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Gertie told me that
you were failing.
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Please, Max, what do you say?
You wanna graduate, or not?
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Max!
(GASPS)
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Gertie!
Oh, you scared me.
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00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,164
Well, this will be fun, huh?
175
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,250
Being trapped in a movie theater
with a bunch of nerds.
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Yeah, sure.
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00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,209
You know what was fun, though?
178
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:03,443
Watching Chris today,
ogle over you.
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00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,601
Shut up.
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00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,000
What? That's a word, right? Ogle?
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00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,281
He likes you so much,
it's so cute.
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00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,361
Gertie. Get real.
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00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,403
He's like a giant, okay?
So, imagine us together.
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00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,170
Hey!
I'd need stilts to kiss him.
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Hey!
Hi.
186
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What are you doing here?
187
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I figured you needed
some, uh, moral support.
188
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Why, should I go?
Because I can if this is weird...
189
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,602
No, don't be crazy, Christopher.
190
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:28,250
We're so happy you're here.
191
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,561
I'm going to go popcorn up,
see you inside.
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00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,247
(CHUCKLES)
193
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,484
Wow. Your mom
was gorgeous.
194
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:47,085
I'm sorry. That's a weird
thing to say, isn't it?
195
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:49,046
Kind of.
(CHUCKLES)
196
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,840
It's kind of cool we get to honor her
memory this way, right?
197
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,121
Um...
198
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,567
Today's the anniversary
of her death.
199
00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:58,884
I, uh...
200
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:01,726
I don't know what to say.
201
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:03,960
Me neither.
202
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,291
At least,
I get to see her,
203
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,441
even if she is being chased
by a psycho with a machete.
204
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:11,561
(CHUCKLES)
205
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,809
(HORN HONKING)
GIRL: Stop, stop, stop.
206
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,166
Oh, great.
207
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,606
Hey! What a coincidence!
208
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,569
This is Tyson.
We've been hanging out
209
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,290
(CHUCKLING)
and he's so funny.
210
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:27,081
My abs are like shredded
from laughing so hard.
211
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:28,491
Anyway, Tyson wanted
to come here tonight
212
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:32,042
and I was like, "Oh, my God, no."
But here we are.
213
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,202
So, you win, Tyson.
214
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,726
So, you didn't see my post about it,
or anything?
215
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,569
No, I don't go on
your stupid Twitter,
216
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,802
which, by the way, has lost
three more followers today.
217
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,043
Anyway, see you
guys inside, okay?
218
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,281
(CHUCKLES) Go.
219
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,326
I'm so wiped from
all these applications.
220
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,402
Even my safety schools,
Stanford and Cornell,
221
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,204
I'm not gonna just
half-ass them, you know.
222
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:54,406
It's just not my style.
223
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,211
I am lucky that
I even made it out tonight at all.
224
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:58,845
Thank you, Adderall.
225
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,005
Where'd Terry go?
226
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,923
Terry? Tyson?
Tyson.
227
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,402
Oh, yeah, he just
got like super-sick super-fast.
228
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:08,481
Mmm.
229
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,881
Oh, no, not the
super-sick super-fast.
230
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:16,882
Max, are they doing this
because it's, you know, the anniversary?
231
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,848
Yeah, I'm here
for an appearance.
232
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,081
I didn't think you'd...
233
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,322
Come on, Max.
Of course, I would remember.
234
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,483
I have really good memory.
It's not just the Adderall.
235
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,286
Hey, do you want anything?
236
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:29,805
I'm gonna go get a popcorn
237
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,008
and then we can
dump M&M'S into it.
238
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,924
That way, every handful is,
like, kind of suspenseful?
239
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:36,841
Sure.
240
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,251
Hey, Chris, I'm just
gonna have a Diet Coke
241
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,771
and a child-size popcorn,
242
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,080
but make sure to dump
half of it into the garbage.
243
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:42,286
You remember, right?
244
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,601
You know what,
I'm just going to come with you.
245
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,160
She is the worst.
246
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:48,800
(SCOFFS)
She's like a living nightmare.
247
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,124
I can't believe
you used to be friends with her.
248
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,440
Look, she's probably
gonna pee on him
249
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:53,726
just to mark her territory.
Gertie!
250
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:54,847
Max!
251
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,122
Hey, hey, you came.
Oh, God.
252
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:58,965
All hail, Max!
(CHUCKLES)
253
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,969
Sorry, I don't know why
I worshipped you then,
254
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,166
I'm just excited to see you.
255
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,847
You're also really weird.
You're very strange and weird.
256
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,321
I can put you down
for the Q&A, right?
257
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,129
After the show, do a little Q.
258
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:12,361
No.
259
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,090
And a little A
260
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,367
I'll put you down as a maybe.
Okay, glad you're here.
261
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:17,887
Oh!
262
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,571
(CHANTING INCOHERENTLY)
263
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:22,929
All right. (GROANS)
264
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,880
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
265
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:46,885
♪ Oh, Mickey,
you're so fine
266
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,086
♪ You're so fine
you blow my mind ♪
267
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,801
Hey, guys, we're here!
268
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,764
Whoo!
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
269
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,002
KURT: Someone wake up
Sleeping Beauty back there.
270
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,081
(SIGHS)
271
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,444
Are we there yet?
272
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:09,521
(CHUCKLES)
273
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:12,361
You okay?
274
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:15,801
Yeah.
275
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,448
NANCY: It all
happened so long ago.
276
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,131
Little Billy Murphy
went to camp here decades ago.
277
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:26,928
And he was always picked on
for being different, ugly.
278
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:30,528
And then one summer,
the hottest one on record,
279
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,246
the counselors decided
to play a little prank on him.
280
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,201
No one really knows
how Billy was
281
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,851
before it happened.
282
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,604
The counselors hated him,
283
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,921
and the other kids
bullied him mercilessly.
284
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,328
Stop! Go away!
285
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,122
BOY: Billy, open up.
286
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:55,531
BOY 2: I know
how to get him out.
287
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:03,883
(FIRECRACKERS BURSTING)
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
288
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,169
(BILLY SCREAMING)
289
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:14,841
(SIGHS)
290
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,807
Soak this moment in, babe,
291
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,042
because you're always
gonna remember me.
292
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,050
What does that tattoo mean?
293
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,043
It was given to me in juvie.
294
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,841
I was caught stealing cherries.
I'm a... I'm a cherry thief.
295
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,842
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
296
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:37,481
Neat. (CHUCKLES)
297
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,041
Oh.
298
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:55,725
Nice legs.
299
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:57,886
What time they open?
300
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,929
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
301
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:09,041
Kurt?
302
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:18,361
Kurt?
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
303
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,242
I'm going to get some air.
304
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,565
(NANCY SCREAMING)
305
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,090
(AUDIENCE SHRIEKING)
306
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:37,721
(MAX GASPS)
307
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,243
(AUDIENCE CLAMORING)
308
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:47,761
(GRUNTS)
309
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:50,525
The exits are blocked!
310
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:52,801
Duncan, is there an exit
behind the screen?
311
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:53,927
Yes. Yes.
312
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:57,766
MAX: Come on!
Go, go, go.
313
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,441
(AUDIENCE SCREAMING)
314
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:06,161
(SCREAMING)
315
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,041
CHRIS: Go, go, go.
316
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,290
(BIRDS TWITTERING)
317
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:36,845
(COUGHING)
318
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:46,041
(COUGHING)
319
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,764
Max! Oh, God!
What happened?
320
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,042
Where the hell are we?
I don't know.
321
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:52,281
Did the theater burn down?
322
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,524
That was the scariest
thing I have ever seen.
323
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,651
You're alive!
Oh, thank God!
324
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:00,721
What does poison ivy look like?
325
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:01,881
Because I think I got...
326
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:02,961
Help me.
327
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:04,531
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
328
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,001
Guys, somebody's coming.
329
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,049
♪ Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
330
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:11,531
♪ You're so fine
you blow my mind
331
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,602
♪ Hey, Mickey
Hey, Mickey
332
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,324
♪ Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
333
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:17,925
♪ You're so fine
you blow my mind
334
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:19,690
♪ Hey, Mickey
Hey, Mickey
335
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,971
Hey, do you guys know
the way to Camp Blue Finch?
336
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,208
Tina!
Yeah?
337
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:28,851
♪ Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
338
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,371
♪ You're so fine
you blow my mind
339
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,771
♪ Hey, Mickey ♪
340
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,530
Oh, my God.
341
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:40,931
I'm having a psychotic episode.
342
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,129
We all saw
the same thing, right?
343
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,441
Maybe it's a dream.
A collective dream.
344
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,722
If this is a dream,
then there's a very strong chance
345
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:49,529
that my dad's going
to come up to us naked
346
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,921
and offer us some pecan pie.
347
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,322
But don't take any.
It is not pecan pie.
348
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:56,881
(VOMITING)
Oh.
349
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,163
Maybe we're dead
and this is heaven.
350
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,241
This can't be heaven.
351
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,845
Max is here and she's Jewish.
352
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:06,967
Oh, right.
353
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,411
Well, maybe it's Jewish heaven.
354
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:11,241
Look!
355
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,242
♪ Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
356
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,367
♪ You're so fine
you blow my mind
357
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,649
♪ Hey, Mickey
Hey, Mickey
358
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,205
♪ Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
359
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:21,486
♪ You're so fine
you blow my mind
360
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,164
♪ Hey, Mickey ♪
361
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,811
Hey, do you guys know
the way to Camp Blue Finch?
362
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,206
(SHUDDERS)
Uh, yeah.
363
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,851
Just keep going
the way you're going.
364
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:32,846
Oh, wow, okay.
Thanks so much.
365
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:39,008
We're not dead.
We're insane!
366
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,050
No, we're not.
367
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:43,487
And I don't think we're
in the Valley anymore.
368
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:44,601
(WATCH BEEPS)
369
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,370
Is anybody getting any bars?
370
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:50,771
ALL: No.
371
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,729
Eight, seven...
(MAX AND VICKI SIGHS)
372
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,882
...six, five...
373
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,007
(WATCH BEEPS)
374
00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,724
♪ Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
375
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,006
♪ You're so fine
you blow my mind
376
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,560
♪ Hey, Mickey
Hey, Mickey ♪
377
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,766
Hey, do you guys know
the way to Camp Blue Finch?
378
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,127
Yeah, actually we're counselors,
379
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,965
and we can show you
if you'd just give us a ride.
380
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,769
Oh, rad! Yeah, hop in.
381
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:15,887
Tubular!
382
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,201
Dude, what are you doing?
383
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,290
Do we have a choice?
We're kind of stuck.
384
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:22,407
Let's go.
385
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:23,726
GERTIE: Max.
386
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:25,641
(SIGHS)
387
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:29,967
Come on, guys.
388
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,651
You guys coming?
389
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:37,521
♪ Hey, Mickey ♪
390
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,562
TINA: I can't believe
you guys are counselors, too.
391
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:46,489
We've never had
this many before.
392
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:47,607
When the kids
get here next week,
393
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:48,886
they're gonna be so pumped.
394
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,610
KURT: Hey, where are
you guys' suitcases?
395
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,887
Because, honestly, your clothes,
396
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,121
they're disgusting.
397
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:55,770
Says the guy in the crop top.
398
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,001
What's up?
399
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,606
Are you guys poor people?
Are you guys poor?
400
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,445
Uh, we packed light. Yeah.
Mmm-hmm.
401
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:03,726
What did you pack, Tina?
402
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:07,168
The basics, bikini, mouthwash, diaphragm.
403
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:09,851
(CHUCKLES)
Hell, yeah, you did.
404
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,524
'Cause they're
gonna get so naked.
405
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:13,721
How did you know?
406
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:17,202
Spring break, forever.
407
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:20,921
Hey, guys, we're here!
408
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,286
Whoo!
(CHUCKLES)
409
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:25,446
KURT: Someone wake up
Sleeping Beauty back there.
410
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:28,730
(NANCY SIGHING)
411
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:33,681
Mmm.
412
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,765
Are we there yet?
413
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:36,881
(NANCY YAWNS)
414
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:45,960
Oh, hi!
415
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,049
I'm Nancy.
What's your name?
416
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,491
(VOICE BREAKING) Max.
417
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,082
First time away from home?
418
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:57,446
It's okay.
419
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,682
It's hard to be away
from your parents, huh?
420
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,805
Best summer ever!
(CHEERING)
421
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,884
(CROW CAWING)
422
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,003
Oh! Yes.
423
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:33,921
Whew.
424
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,523
Well, kiddo, this is the summer
425
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,967
that's going to
change your life.
426
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:41,521
No kidding.
427
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,482
Hey, Nance,
that guitar is choice.
428
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,324
Thanks, Blake.
Bitching hair.
429
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:47,401
Ah.
(CHUCKLES)
430
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,964
Okay. So, we're
in the movie.
431
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,727
Uh-huh. How do we get outta here?
Yeah, I like that question.
432
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:54,926
That's a really,
really good question.
433
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,684
Duncan, can you answer
that question, please?
434
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,285
What are you talking about?
435
00:22:58,360 --> 00:22:59,486
It's 1986!
436
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:00,920
Our homes don't exist yet.
437
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:02,530
They're probably just
landfills waiting to be
438
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,011
turned into crappy subdivisions.
439
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,764
We don't exist yet.
440
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,410
I know for a fact my
parents haven't met
441
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,528
because I was
an unplanned child.
442
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,682
Anyone wanna help me
pick some strawberries?
443
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,207
No, but I'll give you a hand
with those melons.
444
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,244
Talking about her boobs!
You guys get me, right?
445
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,004
(CHUCKLING) Yeah, we do, brother.
446
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:22,561
(CHUCKUNG)
447
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,411
Kurt is insatiable.
448
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,482
Um, okay,
so Mimi's in the woods,
449
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,006
that means everything
is right on schedule.
450
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:31,681
She hooks up with that hiker.
451
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,250
But then she gets killed, right?
452
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,847
Yeah, exactly.
Everyone who has sex in this movie dies.
453
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:37,921
It's awesome.
454
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,524
(CHUCKLES)
I got into bodybuilding big time.
455
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,045
Yeah. Oh, my God,
can I touch it?
456
00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:43,531
Yeah, touch it.
Oh, wow.
457
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,130
The backside's just as hard.
458
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,201
Touch the backside.
459
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:49,122
That's right. Everyone.
460
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:50,811
I'm with Gertie on this one.
461
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:51,927
Let's just take
their van and bail.
462
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,206
What do we have to lose?
463
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:54,770
Yeah, did I say that?
I did? Okay.
464
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,045
We actually probably
shouldn't talk to them.
465
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,364
Oh! What's up, funbags?
466
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,966
Funbags. Right.
Yay, feminism.
467
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,850
Listen, we need to borrow
your van for a little while.
468
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:08,251
Is that okay? Yeah?
469
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,410
I don't know. (EXHALES)
What's in it for me?
470
00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:14,487
How about my friends
don't kick your ass?
471
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:17,761
(LAUGHING RAUCOUSLY)
472
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:19,321
(LAUGHING)
473
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,768
Oh! This guy's your friend?
474
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,171
Yeah, right.
You want to go?
475
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,527
No, no. God, no.
Bicep, smash.
476
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,762
And that would kill you.
That's a karate technique.
477
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,410
No, I don't.
I've never actually
478
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:30,970
fought anyone before in my life.
479
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:32,849
Yeah, well, I have.
So many times.
480
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,046
Seven times.
481
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:40,611
Hey, this is so weird.
Do me a favor and just zing me.
Just get me.
482
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:44,691
Fine. How about
you go suck a turd?
483
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,645
(SNICKERING)
484
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:48,290
The writing is so bad.
485
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:54,324
Okay, tell you what.
You find the keys and the van's yours.
486
00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:58,121
Oops.
487
00:24:58,320 --> 00:24:59,401
Really?
488
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:00,561
(GROANS)
489
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:02,165
I'm glad that you die.
490
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:03,241
What?
DUNCAN: Nothing!
491
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,767
What she meant to say was,
that we all die eventually.
492
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,645
Technically, we start dying
the moment we're born.
493
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:10,767
Yeah, right.
494
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:15,089
Yes, but not to overwhelm you...
Okay.
495
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:16,690
I liked you when you were
laughing at my jokes.
496
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,125
Now, I just think you're weird.
497
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:19,406
Okay, let's just go get the...
498
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:20,686
Sorry. Let's go
get the keys.
499
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:22,281
(DUNCAN CHUCKLING)
500
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,648
Oh, hey, you wanna
give me a hand?
501
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:40,961
Sure.
502
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:42,600
All right.
Let's rock and roll.
503
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,363
Oh, my God.
It really is you.
504
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,811
What?
Nothing.
505
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:49,961
KURT: Whoo!
506
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,002
All right!
Push-up time!
507
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:54,521
So, um...
508
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,051
Kurt told me he
wants to do it later.
509
00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:01,490
Wow. Just like that?
510
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:02,800
I know! (CHUCKLES)
511
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,406
And it's like, I can't
stay a virgin forever, you know?
512
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:06,561
And he's been
with a lot of girls,
513
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,165
so he can probably, like,
514
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,288
I don't know, help me along.
515
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,001
You shouldn't have sex!
516
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:13,081
Why?
517
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,563
Because I heard
that sex can kill you.
518
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:19,247
Max. Sex isn't
anything to be afraid of.
519
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:20,731
I mean, Tina's already
done it twice today,
520
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,325
and look at her,
she's totally normal.
521
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:27,921
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
522
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,331
She says the best
feeling in the world
523
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,522
is getting stoned and
doing it on a waterbed.
524
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,642
Don't hang around Tina.
525
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,927
No, but I told myself
that I was going to
526
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,411
lose my virginity this summer.
527
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,289
Get drunk!
Not necessarily in that order.
528
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:41,930
Please, just trust me.
529
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:44,291
You sound like my mom.
530
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:46,761
Right back at you.
531
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:48,126
Hello, hi.
532
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,806
Uh, we have to go get everyone.
Let's go.
533
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:52,760
We will pick this up again.
Is that understood?
534
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:54,251
In the meantime,
535
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,240
just stay away from Kurt
and keep your shorts on.
536
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:58,201
Okay.
537
00:26:58,760 --> 00:26:59,921
CHRIS: What are you doing?
538
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,130
Dibs on the one that looks like
Ricky Schroder.
539
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,925
Their hair's so flat.
It's making me sad.
540
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:09,722
That girl with the freckles
is sort of cute.
541
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:10,887
You know, none of them
542
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,849
are on the counselors' roster.
543
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,126
Where did they come from?
544
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:24,443
We are never gonna
find these keys.
545
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,682
Not with that attitude,
we're not.
546
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:28,925
Though,
you are correct.
547
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:30,964
(MIMI HUMMING)
548
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,445
Let's go back. Now.
549
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,170
Shh.
It's happening.
550
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,409
CHRIS: We have to warn her.
DUNCAN: No. No.
551
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,323
Just think of them as animals
552
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:46,640
on a nature preserve, okay?
553
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:50,167
Our duty is not to disrupt,
but to observe.
554
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:52,765
(GASPS) Oh!
555
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:56,243
Oh, gosh,
you startled me.
556
00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:58,328
MAN: Sorry,
I'm looking for town.
557
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,602
So, I just go down
that path all the way?
558
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,405
(MOUTHING)
MIMI: A guy like you
can go anywhere he wants.
559
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,121
I can't believe we're just gonna
560
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,089
casually watch
someone get murdered.
561
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:08,446
What is this, Detroit?
562
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,204
(CHUCKLES) Mmm.
563
00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:13,121
(DISTORTED ECHOING)
564
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,521
What is that noise?
It's Billy. He's coming.
565
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:19,611
Let's get out of here then.
No, no. Stay, stay.
566
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,402
(MOANING)
567
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:30,721
(GASPS)
568
00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:32,167
Did you hear something?
569
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:33,366
Baby, I didn't hear a thing.
570
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:34,481
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
571
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:42,124
Give me a second.
Go over there. Get ready.
572
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:55,651
(BONES CRACK)
(BODY THUDS)
573
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,165
Okay! Where's the beef?
574
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,047
(SCOFFS)
(LEAVES RUSTLING)
575
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,930
Come on, man!
I said, where's the...
576
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,001
(SHRIEKS)
577
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:09,361
(GASPS)
578
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,923
(CHOKING)
579
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,006
(CRACK)
580
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:18,561
(ALL EXCLAIM)
581
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:20,641
(GASPS)
582
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:22,521
Run!
583
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,011
Go, go, go, go!
584
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:25,446
DUNCAN: Guys, guys,
wait, wait, wait.
585
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:26,851
Duncan!
586
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:28,331
What are you doing?
587
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:29,845
Duncan.
588
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,526
It's okay.
He won't hurt us.
589
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:34,365
He would've
killed me by now, okay?
590
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:37,524
I think it's because we're not
actually part of the movie,
591
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:39,523
he doesn't really
know what to do with us.
592
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:41,284
Isn't that right, Billy Boy?
593
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:44,047
Man, you are big and scary.
594
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,484
I wonder if all this blood
is just corn syrup, you know?
595
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:47,846
Like these characters
are walking around
596
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:49,843
with just corn syrup
in their veins, you know?
597
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,370
Let's give it a shot here.
598
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:53,921
(GROANS)
599
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:58,086
Oh, God.
No, that is, um...
That is not corn syrup.
600
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:00,481
That is...
Oh, God, that's blood.
601
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:01,841
(SIGHS)
602
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:03,684
All the more reason for us
to get the hell outta here.
603
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:04,966
No, no. Look,
everything in this world
604
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:06,769
is running exactly on schedule.
605
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:08,251
Besides, to leave,
606
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,246
we probably have to wait
until the movie's over, or something.
607
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:12,845
Well, when is that
going to happen?
608
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:14,524
Okay, look, movies like this end
609
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,602
when the final girl
kills the main bad guy
610
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:17,761
and the credits roll.
611
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:19,205
It's actually
pretty sick in this one.
612
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,680
She kicks up the sword and
she kills him with his own machete
613
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:22,767
and she's like...
(MIMICS MACHETE STRIKING)
614
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:24,769
And Billy's like...
(VOCALIZES) It goes
right through his hands.
615
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:26,649
Like... (VOCALIZES)
616
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:31,202
Head splits open. Pfft!
Punches it. (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
617
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:32,964
Brain goes out...
618
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:34,041
CHRIS: Duncan!
Ugh.
619
00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:37,689
Anyway, this smoking
hot girl called Paula,
620
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,001
she arrives in the next reel,
she's the final girl.
621
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:45,288
Oh, yeah, she is the only one
in this movie who doesn't die.
622
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,283
All we've got to do
is stick with her
623
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:48,725
and we're going to have
the best seats in the house.
624
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,610
Trust me, this last battle
will blow your minds.
625
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,523
Okay, selfie time.
GERTIE: Duncan!
626
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,086
(DUNCAN SHUDDERING)
627
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:15,330
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
628
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:28,121
(ALL SIGHING)
629
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,250
I think I almost
just pissed my pants.
630
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:35,560
You did piss your pants.
631
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:36,721
What? No, I didn't.
632
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:38,325
(MACHETE SWISHING)
(ALL GASP)
633
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:45,281
(GASPS)
634
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:49,120
(GROANS)
635
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:51,208
(ALL SCREAMING)
636
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,002
CHRIS: Let's get
out of here!
637
00:31:58,320 --> 00:31:59,360
Wait! Where are you going?
638
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:00,845
You're gonna miss
the slumber party.
639
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:02,724
You came back! Yay!
640
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:05,605
(ALL PANTING)
641
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:06,921
This way!
642
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:08,087
Wait! Where are you going?
643
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:09,650
You're gonna miss
the slumber party.
644
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:11,768
You came back! Yay!
645
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,005
What is happening?
646
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:17,725
Wait! Where are you going?
647
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:19,040
You're gonna miss
the slumber party.
648
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:21,043
You came back! Yay!
649
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:23,682
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
650
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,567
I don't think
Billy's the only problem.
651
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:31,130
It's the movie.
652
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:32,531
The movie won't let us leave.
653
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,568
♪ Michael,
row your boat ashore
654
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,644
♪ Hallelujah
655
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:50,044
♪ Michael,
row your boat ashore
656
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,484
♪ Hallelujah
657
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:57,003
♪ Sister,
help to trim the sails
658
00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:00,284
♪ Hallelujah
659
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,808
♪ Sister,
help to trim the sails
660
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:07,009
♪ Hallelujah
661
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,404
♪ Jordan's river
is deep and wide
662
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:13,804
♪ Hallelujah
663
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,164
♪ Got a home on the other side
664
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,444
♪ Hallelujah ♪
665
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:22,404
Come on, everyone.
Sing along!
666
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:27,082
(SOFTLY) Duncan is dead.
We have to warn them.
667
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:28,764
Please. They're morons.
668
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,649
I wanna know where
they keep the hardware in this dump.
669
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,200
I want chainsaws and
I want big-ass knives,
and I want them now.
670
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:35,927
What am I gonna
tell our parents?
671
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:39,886
I don't want to die here, guys.
672
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:44,089
Me neither.
There's got to be a way to get home.
673
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:45,480
(HORN TOOTING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
674
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,009
Did I miss the Kumbaya circle?
675
00:33:58,160 --> 00:33:59,400
Paula, you're just in time
676
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,289
to start setting up
for the slumber party.
677
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:04,682
Yeah, we took a vote
and you get to share my sleeping bag.
678
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:06,884
Thanks, Kurt.
But I'm saving myself
679
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:08,803
for someone who
doesn't have a needle dick.
680
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:10,881
Yeah right, it's like
681
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:14,282
a hammer dick, if anything.
682
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:15,407
It's a sledgehammer.
683
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:17,007
Uh, who are they?
684
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,847
NANCY: Oh, they're
the new counselors.
They're super nice.
685
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:22,365
We don't have new counselors.
686
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:25,171
Well, now we do.
687
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:28,045
All right, guys,
let's split up into groups and get busy.
688
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:29,121
Whoo!
689
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:34,929
MAX: That's her.
That's Paula.
690
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:36,126
She's the final girl, right?
691
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:37,201
She's the one that kills Billy.
692
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:39,089
We just have to stay with her
till the end of the movie.
693
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,242
I'm sticking to that bitch
like white on rice.
694
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,891
Okay. Now, we just have
to keep Billy away from us.
695
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:45,246
MAX: It's just
like Duncan said.
696
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,049
The moment a top comes off,
Billy shows up.
697
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:48,969
Vicki, stick with Paula and Tina.
VICKI: Mmm-hmm.
698
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,008
Gertie, you take Blake.
Chris, take Kurt.
699
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:52,491
No, I want Chris
to stick with me.
700
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:54,085
No, we have to cover everyone.
701
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:55,207
I'll stick with my mom.
702
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:56,606
You know that's
not your mom, right?
703
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:58,728
CHRIS: Vicki!
Don't defend her.
704
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:00,962
This delusional shit
is gonna get us all killed.
705
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:05,246
(MUTTERS)
706
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:12,927
Ooh! Whoa!
707
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:14,843
Look at the pair on her!
708
00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:17,241
I would just motorboat
those for hours.
709
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:18,771
Yeah, but look
at those articles,
710
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:21,170
I could read those
all night long.
711
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:23,809
What are you, a fag?
712
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,884
You don't like some
nice big hoots?
713
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:28,121
Hooting!
714
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,927
My dads are gay.
So, shut the hell up.
715
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,447
Yeah, right!
Gay guys can't have kids.
716
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:35,602
They're too busy going to discos
717
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:36,880
and having sex with each other.
718
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,002
It's actually
a pretty cool lifestyle.
719
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,405
(WHISTLING)
720
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:44,967
Oh!
721
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:46,725
Hi.
Hey.
722
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:48,086
I really like your pin.
723
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:49,446
Oh, thank you.
724
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,126
Where'd you get yours?
725
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:54,531
My friends gave them to me.
726
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:56,250
Where'd you get yours?
727
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,163
Um, I made it, actually,
728
00:35:58,240 --> 00:36:02,131
at this, like, prison
pen-pal convention thing.
729
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:04,249
Oh, that's awesome!
730
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,288
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
731
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:11,521
Hey, what's up
with this cassette?
732
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:13,011
There are no holes in it.
733
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:16,000
Give me that.
734
00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:19,608
What are these?
No, no. Bad!
735
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:22,646
Not for you. Very bad!
736
00:36:23,240 --> 00:36:24,241
(SIGHS)
737
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,202
It's too bad all the girls
are so busted, huh?
738
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:34,050
The only way you or I
are going to get any
739
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:35,770
is with angel eyes over there.
740
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,126
What? Are you nuts?
741
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:43,689
No, no, no. These girls
are slamming, my man.
742
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,646
And I am going
to do all of them.
743
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:47,847
(GRUNTS)
744
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,207
Yum! By the way,
what's with you and Max?
745
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:51,281
Are you guys...
746
00:36:55,240 --> 00:36:56,401
Are you guys having sex?
747
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,721
Because if not,
I wouldn't mind
748
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,643
bench pressing her
with my dumbbell.
749
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:02,768
Oh! (GRUNTS)
Listen, brah,
750
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:04,569
you're not bench pressing
anyone with your dumbbell.
751
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,166
If I so much hear your dumbbell
took a Pilates class...
752
00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:09,368
What?
...I'm gonna cut it off.
753
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:12,405
I swiped a whole
case of this stuff
754
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:13,970
from my uncle before coming.
755
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:16,040
I'm gonna need it
if I'm stuck here for the summer
756
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,970
instead of souping up
this bitching firebird I found in...
757
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,168
Yeah, yeah, yeah, great.
Where do they keep the chainsaws here?
758
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:22,521
What?
759
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,001
We might want to find out, right?
Where they keep them?
760
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:26,241
Because you never know
761
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:28,482
when you might need a chainsaw.
762
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:31,361
Why do we need a chainsaw
for a slumber party?
763
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:35,242
I know what's going to
go down at this camp,
764
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:37,243
and it's not pretty.
765
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,401
Uh, so, where's that
other guy you came with?
766
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:45,961
Uh...
767
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:47,731
My brother.
Mmm-hmm.
768
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:49,723
Yeah, he's, uh...
769
00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:52,563
He's napping somewhere.
770
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:53,681
(TWIG CRACKING)
(GASPS)
771
00:37:54,240 --> 00:37:56,288
Okay, let's go.
You want to go?
772
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:59,125
Yeah, let's.
You got all the wood you need.
773
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:16,607
(DISTORTED ECHOING)
774
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:17,920
Mom, no!
775
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:21,285
(SIGHS)
776
00:38:25,240 --> 00:38:27,322
Get dressed. Now.
Oh, my God, Max!
777
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:28,970
What are you doing here?
Get out!
778
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:30,326
Nancy, if you go
through with this,
779
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:31,606
you're going to get hurt.
780
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:34,126
Kurt said he liked me, okay.
He said it.
781
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:37,371
Yeah, they always say it,
they just don't act like it.
782
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,122
God. You must think
I'm a total zero.
783
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:47,881
(SIGHS)
784
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:55,121
I just wanted to feel
grown-up, special.
785
00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,082
You are special.
(SCOFFS)
786
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:01,921
I'm the shy girl with the
clipboard and the guitar.
787
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:03,286
Special to who?
788
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:06,731
Special to me.
789
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:12,850
Who are you, Max?
790
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:14,321
(DOOR OPENING)
791
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:18,491
Soak this moment in, babe,
792
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:20,244
because you're always
gonna remember me.
793
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:21,361
Oh, shit.
794
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:22,681
Ooh!
795
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:25,206
Two for the price of one.
796
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:27,408
You babes just couldn't wait,
could you?
797
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,045
We're leaving.
Too late.
798
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,922
Genie's already out of the bottle.
Make a wish.
799
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:34,361
Ew.
Ew.
800
00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:36,241
(DISTORTED ECHOING)
801
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:38,047
Where's Max?
802
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:39,804
I don't know.
Do you hear that?
803
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,291
(DISTORTED ECHOING)
804
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:47,291
(BREATHING SHAKILY)
805
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:58,208
What'd I say, huh?
Leave her alone!
806
00:39:58,320 --> 00:39:59,481
(GERTIE SCREAMING)
807
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:08,122
Lock the windows!
Shut the curtains!
He can see us!
808
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:10,009
Who is he?
809
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,924
Max. You have to
tell them about Billy.
810
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:15,322
Oh, God. He's here.
811
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:21,924
Not Billy Murphy?
I mean, he's just a legend.
812
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:23,525
Oh! I love legends.
813
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:28,124
Loch Ness, Bigfoot,
Bon Jovi. All of them.
814
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:31,323
It all happened so long ago.
815
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,406
Little Billy Murphy went
to camp here decades ago.
816
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:51,684
And he was always
picked on for being...
817
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:53,882
Um, guys?
818
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:56,008
...different, ugly.
819
00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:59,401
And then one summer...
This is bad.
820
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:01,323
...the hottest one on record,
821
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:04,370
the counselors decided
to play a little prank on him.
822
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:08,211
What's happening?
823
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:20,081
Oh.
824
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:23,522
This is...
What, are we home?
825
00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:26,444
Oh, God, why am I colorblind?
Am I having a stroke?
826
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:30,166
I think we're in a flashback.
827
00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:31,730
♪ Lollipop, lollipop
828
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:33,370
♪ Oh, lolli, lolli, lolli
829
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,010
♪ Lollipop, lollipop
830
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:36,684
♪ Oh, lolli, lolli, lolli
831
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:38,091
♪ Lollipop, lollipop
832
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,049
♪ Oh, lolli, lolli, lolli
833
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:41,326
♪ Lollipop ♪
834
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:44,290
NANCY: It started as
just another ordinary day.
835
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,129
But little did they know...
What the hell is that voice?
836
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:47,920
...something was about
to go horribly wrong.
837
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:49,764
No one really knows
how Billy was
838
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:51,490
before it happened.
839
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:54,882
The counselors hated him,
and the other kids bullied him mercilessly.
840
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:56,291
Stop!
841
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:57,771
Where'd you get
these clothes, huh?
842
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,327
Guys, that's Billy.
Come on, Billy.
843
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,447
Hey, what are you
little idiots doing?
844
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:09,443
Billy's in there,
and he's been in there forever.
845
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:11,409
NANCY: Billy locked
himself in the outhouse,
846
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:13,323
thinking he'd be safe,
but he was wrong.
847
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,131
Billy.
Billy, open up.
848
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:18,683
I know how to get him out.
849
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:31,400
(FIRECRACKERS BURSTING)
(BILLY SCREAMING)
850
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,006
NANCY: Billy had third-degree
burns all over his body
851
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:41,650
because of
the counselors' prank.
852
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:45,602
And the only thing that could
distract Billy from his terrible pain,
853
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,650
was thinking about
what had been done to him.
854
00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:52,202
And during those long,
agonizing nights in the burn ward,
855
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:55,170
Billy's fear was slowly
replaced by something else.
856
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,968
(GASPS)
Hatred.
857
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:01,167
His face would
never be the same.
858
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:02,726
And so, he made a mask
859
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:05,041
to hide his scars
on the outside,
860
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,202
but his anger
grew on the inside.
861
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,765
All Billy wanted was
to make everyone as afraid
862
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:13,525
as he was
on that terrible day.
863
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:15,764
He started his reign of terror
864
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:18,446
by returning to
exact his revenge.
865
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:31,521
(GASPS)
866
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,411
He killed
eight counselors that night.
867
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,324
One for every month
he spent in that hospital bed.
868
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:39,129
And legend has it
Billy still lives
869
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:41,043
in these woods
in his own little shack,
870
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,441
waiting for new counselors
to cross his path,
871
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,888
waiting to get revenge
again and again.
872
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:50,444
(ALL BREATHING HEAVILY)
873
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:02,487
(KURT SCREAMING)
874
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:04,244
The car! The car!
875
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,527
Guys, you can't leave!
Literally!
876
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:11,961
(SHRIEKS)
877
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:13,681
(TINA GRUNTS)
878
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:17,043
Get up! Get up! Stop!
Don't come any closer.
879
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:19,282
Okay, just listen.
We can explain.
880
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:22,330
You can't leave.
None of us can.
881
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:23,481
Not until he's dead.
882
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:24,561
Until who's dead?
883
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:27,005
Billy Murphy.
What?
884
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:29,647
(REVVING)
(SCREAMING)
885
00:44:29,720 --> 00:44:31,131
Drive! Drive!
886
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:36,525
Look, I'm just
trying to save you.
887
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:38,841
Why? Why are you
trying to save me?
888
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:40,410
Well, because you're my...
889
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:45,166
My first friend here.
890
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:48,326
(TIRES SCREECHING)
891
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:49,890
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
892
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:51,530
Help me.
I'm not dead!
893
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:53,603
Duncan!
You're alive!
894
00:44:53,720 --> 00:44:54,721
(SCREAMING)
(SHRIEKS)
895
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:57,281
(GASPS)
896
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,366
No, you killed Duncan!
897
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:04,490
Let's just go to a hotel
and just relax for the night
898
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:06,688
and maybe we can
get into something.
899
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:09,161
(ALL EXCLAIM)
900
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:13,721
Oh, my God, Kurt!
Oh, my God!
901
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:15,564
Paula! She's alive!
902
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:16,926
Paula, don't move!
903
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:19,481
(ALL EXCLAIM)
904
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:25,006
Shit!
905
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:26,321
(EXPLOSION)
(SHRIEKS)
906
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:33,721
I can't believe
they're all dead.
907
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,406
They were never alive.
908
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:38,562
They weren't real.
Neither are you.
909
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:40,961
Because this is just a movie,
910
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:44,886
and Paula was the only one
that could kill Billy.
911
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:46,371
We're screwed.
912
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:49,881
(CROW CAWING)
913
00:45:50,720 --> 00:45:53,246
What does she mean, "just a movie"?
914
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,924
So, we're in a movie?
915
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:04,125
But this is a horror movie,
916
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:07,211
and Billy Murphy's
really after all of us.
917
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:08,960
Why do I have to wear
all this stuff again?
918
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,365
Because you're scripted
919
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:12,040
to do a striptease
at the slumber party,
920
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,521
and when you take your top off,
Billy comes running.
921
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,651
But why does he hate my boobs?
922
00:46:17,720 --> 00:46:19,006
Because they're not big?
923
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,970
So, wait,
is new wave real?
924
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:24,088
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
925
00:46:24,240 --> 00:46:26,447
But I'm not real.
926
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:29,281
You're only real in the movie.
927
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:31,931
So, yeah, you're real here.
928
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:34,686
Oh, cool.
929
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:36,964
Guys, we just wanna get home.
930
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:38,644
But, okay...
931
00:46:38,720 --> 00:46:40,609
But you said Paula was the
only one who could kill him.
932
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:42,921
And she just died.
933
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:46,482
Exactly. Which is why
we need to nominate a new final girl.
934
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:49,771
And I'm willing to be it.
935
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:50,881
(CHRIS CLEARS THROAT)
936
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:52,401
(CLEARS THROAT)
937
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:56,526
What?
Well, you're not a virgin.
938
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:58,564
I am, too, a virgin!
939
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,162
I technically am that...
940
00:47:02,240 --> 00:47:03,446
Whatever, what does it matter?
941
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:05,642
Because it just does, Vicki.
942
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:07,725
You have to be
a virgin in this movie
943
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:09,450
in order to kill Billy, okay?
944
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:13,923
And the only
true-blue virgin here is Max.
945
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:17,566
I'm not the only virgin.
946
00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:20,125
(SOFTLY) Gertie,
you're a virgin.
947
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,441
No. Not anymore.
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
948
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:24,005
Last summer,
with that guy Gerry.
949
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:26,005
He had the like weird mustache
950
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:27,161
and he, like, winked, remember?
951
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:28,441
Isn't he autistic?
952
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:33,605
Yeah. Yeah, he is.
But he's also very romantic.
953
00:47:33,720 --> 00:47:36,451
Damn, superfreak.
I like!
954
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:39,004
Okay, let's make a plan.
Yeah.
955
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:41,442
CHRIS: We need to
get Billy's machete.
956
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:42,567
The one he's holding?
957
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:44,324
Yeah. Duncan said
that's the only way to kill him.
958
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:45,527
Everything else
just slows him down.
959
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:47,330
So, we're supposed to
just pry it from his hands?
960
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:50,450
Well, we don't really have
any other options. Okay?
961
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:52,762
Look, we just have to get
his machete into Max's hands
962
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:54,365
so she can chop his head off,
end the movie,
963
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,124
and we can all go home.
964
00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:00,486
No. No way!
I can't do this.
965
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,569
See? She's even saying
that she can't do it.
966
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:05,246
Vicki! Enough! Jesus!
Can you just shut up for a second?
967
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:07,360
God! I can't believe
I put up with you for so long.
968
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:10,763
Max, you got this.
No.
969
00:48:11,240 --> 00:48:13,720
Max. You can do this.
970
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:15,406
If it wasn't for you,
we'd all be dead
971
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:16,845
burning in the theater
right now.
972
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:18,285
Yeah, and look where I got us.
973
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:22,846
I can do it. I can
be the final girl.
974
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:23,961
I'm a virgin, too.
975
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:25,844
I didn't sleep with Kurt.
976
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:28,082
So, now I guess I'll
be able to save myself
977
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:29,366
for George Michael after all.
978
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:30,970
I wouldn't hold
your breath, honey.
979
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:32,485
Why?
980
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:36,165
It doesn't matter. Nancy,
you can't be the final girl.
981
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:38,328
It's not in your DNA,
or whatever.
982
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:40,243
You're the shy girl with the
clipboard and the guitar.
983
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:41,480
You get laid
and then you die.
984
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:43,010
You're just part
of the body count.
985
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:44,127
No offense.
986
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:48,081
(SOBBING)
987
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,090
That came out wrong.
988
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:55,168
Thanks a lot.
Max.
989
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:58,204
VICKI: I was just
trying to help.
990
00:48:59,960 --> 00:49:01,928
(CRYING)
991
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:09,361
Nancy?
992
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:16,763
Am I really gonna die?
993
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:21,961
Yeah.
994
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:25,609
So, I guess I never grow up,
995
00:49:27,240 --> 00:49:29,607
or fall in love or have kids.
996
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:34,327
I had this dream that
when I graduated college,
997
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,801
I would meet a guy.
998
00:49:37,720 --> 00:49:40,087
And we'd have
a baby. A girl.
999
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:44,723
And if she ever needed me,
I would do anything for her.
1000
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:45,801
Anything.
1001
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:52,410
I would've made
a really great mom.
1002
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:56,490
The best.
1003
00:49:58,080 --> 00:49:59,081
(CHUCKLES)
1004
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:02,808
God, this totally sucks!
1005
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:04,370
It's so bogus!
1006
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:06,528
I should have known
something was up with this place.
1007
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:07,681
I mean, think about it.
1008
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:10,445
What the hell kind of
summer camp has waterbeds?
1009
00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:11,521
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
1010
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:22,487
What do we do now?
1011
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:28,771
We fight.
1012
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:33,248
All right, guys.
No more junior varsity bullshit.
1013
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:35,527
We gotta lead with
a pro-style offense.
1014
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:37,125
Something Billy
won't see coming.
1015
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:39,089
We have to use everything
we have at our disposal.
1016
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,003
I was thinking the best
opportunity for an ambush
1017
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:43,401
would be the slumber party,
with a few tweaks.
1018
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:44,800
That means it's
just a question of
1019
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:46,251
luring him here at
just the right time.
1020
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:47,440
How are we going to do that?
1021
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:48,720
I think I have an idea.
1022
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:52,171
GERTIE: "Operation Booby Trap?"
1023
00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:55,210
CHRIS: Yup. And Tina's
going to be the bait.
1024
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:57,927
(CRACKING)
1025
00:51:42,720 --> 00:51:43,721
(VICKI SNIFFLES)
1026
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:45,806
Vicki, are you crying?
1027
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:48,120
I'm fine.
1028
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:56,250
Gertie, I'm sorry for
that time in junior high
1029
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:58,766
when I told everyone to start
calling you "Ba-chunk-adunk."
1030
00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:01,241
And then I covered
your locker in bacon.
1031
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:03,482
That was so crappy.
1032
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:05,608
And I'm so sorry.
1033
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:07,925
I'm such a bad person.
1034
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:09,570
You're not. It's okay.
1035
00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:11,165
If it makes you feel better,
1036
00:52:11,240 --> 00:52:13,322
last summer, I'm the one
who spread the rumor
1037
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:14,646
that said you had
a weird disease
1038
00:52:14,720 --> 00:52:16,085
where you're
always on your period.
1039
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:18,570
Wow. That's evil.
1040
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:20,005
Thank you.
1041
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,609
Hey, Max, if I'm
going to die tonight,
1042
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:27,125
then I don't want to die
without telling you
1043
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:33,048
that when your mom died,
you shut down completely.
1044
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:36,008
And just cut me
out of your life.
1045
00:52:37,240 --> 00:52:40,084
And I missed you.
I missed our friendship.
1046
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:43,002
And then you two
became best friends
1047
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:45,321
and, I don't know,
I got jealous.
1048
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:47,687
And so, I did
some really bad things
1049
00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:49,330
and I'm not proud of them.
1050
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,051
Vicki.
No, no, no, just let me finish, okay.
1051
00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:54,441
I know that I've become a...
1052
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:55,851
A bitch?
1053
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:57,285
Yes, thank you.
1054
00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:01,610
But the thing is, Max,
I've always looked up to you
1055
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:04,241
because you were
always the brave one.
1056
00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:07,284
So, be brave again.
1057
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:10,770
Vicki, you don't have to die.
1058
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:14,728
I'm the mean girl in
the '80s horror movie.
1059
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,451
And we're past the mid-point,
so, you know,
1060
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:21,921
I'd say that I've
overstayed my welcome.
1061
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:23,641
(SIGHS)
1062
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:30,690
(VICKI SOBBING)
1063
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:35,645
(GASPS) Ooh!
1064
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:39,643
Oh, no, no, no!
Uh-uh. No. No, Tina.
1065
00:53:39,720 --> 00:53:42,451
Tina, hey. Yeah. No.
1066
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:45,967
You know not to take off
any of your clothes until we say so, right?
1067
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:48,761
Yeah? No sex.
1068
00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:51,203
(SCOFFS) How could anyone
think about sex
1069
00:53:51,280 --> 00:53:53,009
when I have this rad gadget?
1070
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:54,721
What is this thing, anyway?
1071
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:55,961
It's a phone.
1072
00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:57,761
(LAUGHING)
1073
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:01,441
Yeah. Please,
I'm not that gullible.
1074
00:54:02,400 --> 00:54:05,449
Um, hello, operator? Yes,
I'm trying to make a call
1075
00:54:05,520 --> 00:54:06,521
but I can't
1076
00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:08,364
because my phone's
not plugged into anything.
1077
00:54:08,680 --> 00:54:09,681
(LAUGHING)
1078
00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:11,241
Oh, my God, kill me.
1079
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,402
Guys, it's almost time.
Let's get ready.
1080
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:14,681
VICKI: Okay.
1081
00:54:18,760 --> 00:54:19,921
How you holding up?
1082
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:23,366
Been better.
How about you?
1083
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:28,248
I'm really scared.
1084
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:30,127
Uh...
1085
00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:32,124
Uh, are the arrows ready?
1086
00:54:32,720 --> 00:54:35,291
Yeah, I'm on it.
1087
00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:43,201
(GASPS)
1088
00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:46,005
"Adderall."
1089
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:48,081
(CHUCKLES)
1090
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:55,967
God, your parents must be
freaking out right now.
1091
00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:57,804
You've been gone for hours.
1092
00:54:57,880 --> 00:55:00,247
They must be
so worried about you.
1093
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:01,481
Not really.
1094
00:55:01,640 --> 00:55:04,883
I never knew my dad.
And my mom's away.
1095
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:09,131
What's she like?
1096
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:14,927
She, uh... She was so
beautiful and funny.
1097
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:19,283
She never knew
how awesome she was.
1098
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:21,446
How'd she die?
1099
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:24,323
I never said she died.
You said "was."
1100
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:26,607
So, I just figured.
1101
00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:29,123
It's okay. You don't
have to tell me.
1102
00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:33,284
Here, I want you to have this.
1103
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:40,682
It's a friendship bracelet.
So, you don't forget me.
1104
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:44,246
How could I ever forget you?
1105
00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:48,566
You know,
if this all works out,
1106
00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:50,369
I'm really gonna miss you.
1107
00:55:50,440 --> 00:55:51,930
When you go home, I mean.
1108
00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:55,521
Oh, God, I sound totally molded.
1109
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:57,602
I know we just met,
it's silly for me to say that.
1110
00:55:57,760 --> 00:56:00,081
It's just...
I guess it's like,
1111
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:02,003
who am I going to
talk to after you leave?
1112
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:04,128
You know? Tina?
1113
00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:06,611
(SOFTLY) She's not very smart.
1114
00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:10,331
Maybe you don't have to.
I don't?
1115
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:12,370
I mean, I carpool
with her to camp,
1116
00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:13,726
it's kind of inevitable.
1117
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:16,246
No, I mean, maybe you
don't have to stay here.
1118
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:19,002
Look, I know in the movie,
you're supposed to die,
1119
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:20,884
but that doesn't mean
you have to, right?
1120
00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:23,166
Right.
1121
00:56:23,240 --> 00:56:24,651
And if you don't die,
1122
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:26,649
then that means
you'll be around at the end of the movie,
1123
00:56:26,720 --> 00:56:27,960
when we leave.
1124
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:29,361
Right.
1125
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:33,644
So, then who's to say
you can't just come home with me?
1126
00:56:34,720 --> 00:56:35,960
Oh, my God.
1127
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:39,284
Where's home?
The Valley.
1128
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:41,521
The Valley.
1129
00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:43,081
(SIGHS)
1130
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:44,440
I don't know, Max, I don't know.
1131
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:47,006
You're just... You're kind of
blowing my mind right now.
1132
00:56:47,080 --> 00:56:48,650
No, think about it!
1133
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:51,409
If you come home with me,
1134
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:53,164
you can be whoever you want.
1135
00:56:53,240 --> 00:56:54,844
You don't have to be
the shy girl
1136
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:56,445
with the clipboard
and the guitar.
1137
00:56:56,520 --> 00:56:58,488
You could be...
I could, like, go to college.
1138
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:00,409
And drive a convertible.
Right. Totally!
1139
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:01,851
An go shopping at the mall.
1140
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:03,201
Actually, people
don't really shop
1141
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:04,770
at malls anymore.
They shop online.
1142
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:05,881
What's online?
1143
00:57:06,600 --> 00:57:08,841
Never mind, I made that up.
Just keep going!
1144
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:12,481
Okay! I wanna shop online
and I wanna start over.
1145
00:57:12,560 --> 00:57:15,803
You know, I could be
different in the Valley.
1146
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:30,603
What if I don't make it, Max?
1147
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:35,204
This time, you will.
1148
00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:37,001
VICKI: Hey, guys.
1149
00:57:39,120 --> 00:57:41,282
Hi. So sorry to interrupt,
1150
00:57:41,360 --> 00:57:43,966
but, um, we have
a bit of a situation.
1151
00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:46,881
(MUMBLING)
1152
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:52,369
Tina, are you...
I'm great! I'm amazing!
1153
00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:54,169
She ate your Adderall?
1154
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:56,442
Tina, hey. Eyes here.
1155
00:57:56,720 --> 00:57:57,721
Hmm.
1156
00:57:58,400 --> 00:57:59,447
Yes.
1157
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:02,171
How many of my, um,
Tic Tacs did you have?
1158
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:05,688
They're not Tic Tacs!
And I had, um, three.
1159
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:08,042
No, 10 or 30!
1160
00:58:08,120 --> 00:58:10,327
It was 30!
Maybe we need to re-strategize.
1161
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:13,290
No, no, no.
I got this. I got this.
1162
00:58:13,560 --> 00:58:14,721
Tina.
1163
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:15,847
Are you sure you can...
1164
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:18,730
Look, man, I got
this, all right?
1165
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:22,402
I got this!
I so got this.
1166
00:58:23,360 --> 00:58:24,441
VICKI: She'll be fine.
1167
00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:26,244
I really think
she's more focused now.
1168
00:58:26,360 --> 00:58:28,044
Right, Tina?
Yes!
1169
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:29,640
(FLY BUZZING)
1170
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:34,121
Guys. Let's start.
1171
00:58:34,880 --> 00:58:35,881
(MAX SIGHS)
1172
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:42,767
All right, guys.
This is it. Sound off. Ready.
1173
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:45,365
Ready! Ready! Ready!
1174
00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:46,767
CHRIS: Totem pole?
1175
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:47,841
BOTH: Ready!
1176
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:49,883
CHRIS: Stereo?
Ready.
1177
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:51,530
CHRIS: Arrows?
BOTH: Ready!
1178
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:57,408
All right then, Nancy,
unleash the beast.
1179
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:05,449
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1180
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:08,491
♪ Wow!
1181
00:59:09,440 --> 00:59:10,487
(SINGER LAUGHS)
1182
00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:16,251
♪ Well, swinging on the front porch,
swinging on the lawn
1183
00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:18,561
♪ Swinging where we want
'cause there ain't nobody home
1184
00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:21,405
♪ Swingin' to the left
and swingin' to the right
1185
00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:23,926
♪ if I think about baseball
I'll swing all night
1186
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:25,206
♪ Yeah
1187
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:27,810
♪ Yeah, yeah
1188
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:29,640
♪ Huh!
1189
00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:32,081
♪ Swingin in the living room,
swingin' in the kitchen
1190
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:34,811
♪ Most folks don't 'cause
they're too busy bitchin'
1191
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:37,121
♪ Swingin' in there 'cause
she wanted me to feed her
1192
00:59:37,200 --> 00:59:40,329
♪ So I mixed up the batter
a' And she licked the beater
1193
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:43,006
♪ I scream, you scream,
we all scream for her
1194
00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:45,845
♪ Don't even try 'cause
you can't ignore her
1195
00:59:45,920 --> 00:59:48,241
♪ She's my cherry pie
1196
00:59:48,320 --> 00:59:51,051
♪ Cool drink of water
Such a sweet surprise
1197
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:53,600
♪ Tastes so good
make a grown man cry
1198
00:59:53,680 --> 00:59:56,126
♪ Sweet cherry pie
(ULULATING)
1199
00:59:56,320 --> 00:59:59,290
♪ She's my cherry pie ♪
1200
01:00:03,880 --> 01:00:05,962
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, he's coming.
He's coming!
1201
01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:08,401
He's coming!
Not yet. Wait to move!
1202
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:10,244
No, no! He's so close!
1203
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:12,010
(SCREAMING)
1204
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:15,165
NANCY: Tina!
1205
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:18,291
Cut the rope!
1206
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:25,120
(SQUISHING)
1207
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:30,564
Gertie.
Yeah?
1208
01:00:31,640 --> 01:00:32,641
I love you.
1209
01:00:33,640 --> 01:00:34,721
Oh, screw it.
1210
01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:57,083
(GRUNTS)
(GERTIE SCREAMING)
1211
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:04,768
Everybody in the kitchen!
Now! Now! Go now!
1212
01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:12,286
It's okay.
It's gonna be fine.
1213
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:14,841
(GERTIE GASPS)
1214
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:17,208
Gertie, come on.
Hurry up!
1215
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:23,411
MAX: Go!
1216
01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:42,964
CHRIS: Go, go, go! Go!
1217
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:46,561
Come on, Nancy. Come on.
1218
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:51,401
(GASPS)
1219
01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:54,121
(BUCKET RATTLES)
1220
01:01:55,120 --> 01:01:56,121
Shit!
1221
01:01:56,880 --> 01:01:57,961
It's stuck!
1222
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:07,330
We're stuck!
We're stuck!
1223
01:02:08,600 --> 01:02:10,409
(GROANS)
No!
1224
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:22,964
Max, it's okay.
1225
01:02:24,640 --> 01:02:25,721
Just go.
1226
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:32,325
CHRIS: Go.
1227
01:02:36,160 --> 01:02:37,571
(WHIMPERING)
1228
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:43,961
(GRUNTS)
1229
01:03:03,600 --> 01:03:09,448
(IN SLOW MOTION)
What's happening?
1230
01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:16,049
It's slow motion.
1231
01:04:16,920 --> 01:04:20,845
(IN SLOW MOTION)
MAX: Jump!
1232
01:04:30,720 --> 01:04:31,721
(ALL GASPING)
1233
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:36,960
Flashback! Flashback! Flashback!
NANCY: What?
1234
01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:38,690
Just say the words!
What words?
1235
01:04:38,760 --> 01:04:40,920
Billy Murphy was a kid
who went to camp here years ago.
1236
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:42,644
Tell me the
story again! Hurry!
1237
01:04:43,320 --> 01:04:44,890
He was always picked on
for being different, ugly.
1238
01:04:44,960 --> 01:04:46,291
CHRIS: Keep going.
Don't stop!
1239
01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:47,930
And then one summer,
the hottest one on record,
1240
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:50,287
the kids decided to play
a little prank on him.
1241
01:04:56,320 --> 01:04:57,367
(ALL SIGHING)
1242
01:04:57,440 --> 01:04:58,680
Where the hell are we?
1243
01:04:58,760 --> 01:05:00,171
A flashback!
A flashback!
1244
01:05:01,440 --> 01:05:03,044
Does that mean we're safe?
1245
01:05:05,200 --> 01:05:06,201
(GASPS IN TERROR)
1246
01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:12,447
♪ Lollipop, lollipop
Oh, lolli, lolli, lolli
1247
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:16,207
♪ Lollipop, lollipop
Oh, lolli, lolli, lolli ♪
1248
01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:18,282
Holy crap, this thing is heavy.
1249
01:05:18,680 --> 01:05:19,681
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1250
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:22,331
NANCY: Guys, where's Billy?
1251
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:24,165
NANCY: Billy locked
himself in the outhouse,
1252
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:26,242
thinking he'd be safe,
but he was wrong.
1253
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:27,845
Oh, my God, that's me!
1254
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:29,047
Ugh.
1255
01:05:29,120 --> 01:05:31,407
That's what I sound like?
1256
01:05:31,840 --> 01:05:33,729
(FIRECRACKERS BURSTING)
(BILLY SCREAMING)
1257
01:05:37,480 --> 01:05:39,209
Look at him run!
MAX: Wait.
1258
01:05:39,360 --> 01:05:40,850
Where's Billy going?
1259
01:05:41,520 --> 01:05:42,521
Wait.
1260
01:05:57,560 --> 01:05:59,164
I don't know that part of camp.
1261
01:05:59,240 --> 01:06:00,810
I've never seen
that cabin before.
1262
01:06:04,960 --> 01:06:05,961
(GASPS)
(NANCY SHRIEKS)
1263
01:06:06,120 --> 01:06:08,282
Shit! End the flashback! End it!
1264
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:09,765
Just skip to the end!
1265
01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:11,490
Legend has it Billy
still lives in these woods
1266
01:06:11,560 --> 01:06:13,449
waiting for new counselors
to cross his path,
1267
01:06:13,520 --> 01:06:15,409
waiting to get
revenge again and again.
1268
01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:19,891
Did we leave him there?
1269
01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:22,691
I wouldn't count on it
Let's move.
1270
01:06:29,480 --> 01:06:30,481
(SCREAMING)
1271
01:06:37,600 --> 01:06:38,806
Oh, my God!
Are you okay?
1272
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:40,201
Yeah, I'm fine.
1273
01:06:40,280 --> 01:06:41,486
NANCY: (SCREAMING)
Max!
1274
01:06:41,720 --> 01:06:44,041
(SOBBING) Max!
No!
1275
01:06:44,280 --> 01:06:45,611
Let me go! Let me go!
1276
01:06:45,680 --> 01:06:47,364
She's gone, Max.
No! She's alive! She's...
1277
01:06:47,480 --> 01:06:49,244
Max, she's gone.
1278
01:06:50,840 --> 01:06:52,171
No. She's not.
1279
01:06:52,240 --> 01:06:53,605
(THUNDER CRACKING)
1280
01:06:54,920 --> 01:06:56,445
(CHRIS GROANING)
1281
01:06:57,640 --> 01:06:58,641
MAX: Come on.
1282
01:07:13,120 --> 01:07:14,849
(GRUNTS)
1283
01:07:23,760 --> 01:07:26,161
Keep pressure on it.
Don't move, I'll be back.
1284
01:07:26,640 --> 01:07:28,130
Max, she's dead.
1285
01:07:30,520 --> 01:07:32,761
She's supposed to die,
just like the rest of them.
1286
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:34,723
No, she's lived
this far into the movie,
1287
01:07:34,800 --> 01:07:36,131
longer than she ever has before.
1288
01:07:36,200 --> 01:07:37,645
She's not real.
1289
01:07:38,960 --> 01:07:40,041
None of this is real.
1290
01:07:40,160 --> 01:07:41,161
Yes, she is!
1291
01:07:41,240 --> 01:07:42,446
Max, wait.
1292
01:07:46,320 --> 01:07:48,482
I don't wanna die alone.
1293
01:07:53,680 --> 01:07:56,843
Listen to me.
You're not gonna die.
1294
01:07:57,600 --> 01:07:59,443
Nobody else is dying tonight.
1295
01:08:01,440 --> 01:08:02,441
(SHUDDERING)
1296
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:04,684
I know exactly where
he's taken her.
1297
01:08:31,320 --> 01:08:33,288
(DOOR CREAKING)
1298
01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:37,049
(THUNDER CRACKING)
1299
01:09:04,280 --> 01:09:05,281
(DOOR CREAKING)
1300
01:09:17,880 --> 01:09:18,881
(THUNDER CRACKING)
1301
01:09:36,880 --> 01:09:38,211
Hey, Nancy.
1302
01:09:41,680 --> 01:09:43,808
Max? Max!
1303
01:09:49,800 --> 01:09:50,801
(NANCY GASPS)
1304
01:09:54,360 --> 01:09:55,964
He was right there.
1305
01:10:00,440 --> 01:10:01,441
(GASPS)
1306
01:10:04,480 --> 01:10:05,481
(GRUNTING)
1307
01:10:11,960 --> 01:10:13,007
(NANCY GRUNTING)
1308
01:10:22,960 --> 01:10:24,689
(CHOKING)
1309
01:10:32,480 --> 01:10:33,481
No!
1310
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:38,529
(GRUNTING)
1311
01:10:45,160 --> 01:10:46,161
Get up!
1312
01:10:48,080 --> 01:10:50,162
Come on, let's get out of here.
1313
01:10:51,040 --> 01:10:52,644
Come on, come on.
1314
01:11:04,680 --> 01:11:06,011
MAX: Chris.
1315
01:11:06,080 --> 01:11:07,650
NANCY: Max, over here.
1316
01:11:08,720 --> 01:11:10,324
Sit down.
1317
01:11:16,440 --> 01:11:17,521
Am I dying?
1318
01:11:17,600 --> 01:11:20,570
No. I know how to fix it.
1319
01:11:21,440 --> 01:11:23,124
You're not the
final girl yet, Max.
1320
01:11:23,200 --> 01:11:25,521
Because of me.
I'm still alive.
1321
01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:27,566
No.
Yes.
1322
01:11:27,640 --> 01:11:31,008
No! I'm already dying,
so you could survive!
1323
01:11:31,280 --> 01:11:33,123
You can be the final girl.
1324
01:11:33,200 --> 01:11:35,202
No, Max. No.
1325
01:11:35,960 --> 01:11:38,122
That's not who
I'm supposed to be, remember?
1326
01:11:38,680 --> 01:11:41,047
I'm just the shy girl
with the clipboard and the guitar.
1327
01:11:41,640 --> 01:11:43,608
Yeah, but you wanted
to change that.
1328
01:11:44,520 --> 01:11:46,602
Honey, let me do this.
1329
01:11:47,080 --> 01:11:48,491
No.
1330
01:11:48,800 --> 01:11:52,486
Max, I'm not afraid.
1331
01:11:55,720 --> 01:11:57,484
I wanted to save you.
1332
01:11:58,440 --> 01:12:01,842
Oh, Max, you did.
1333
01:12:02,960 --> 01:12:04,928
You did, Max.
1334
01:12:05,000 --> 01:12:08,402
Just by letting me
be here with you.
1335
01:12:09,400 --> 01:12:13,405
I've never felt more real
or more alive ever before.
1336
01:12:13,480 --> 01:12:14,606
No.
1337
01:12:14,800 --> 01:12:18,122
No, Mom, you belong
at home, with me.
1338
01:12:19,200 --> 01:12:23,250
Look, your name is Amanda Cartwright,
and you live in Encino,
1339
01:12:23,320 --> 01:12:26,688
and you love
Bette Davis Eyes and Mel's Diner.
1340
01:12:26,760 --> 01:12:30,401
And you wanted to be
the biggest movie star,
1341
01:12:30,480 --> 01:12:32,323
more than anything in the world.
1342
01:12:35,240 --> 01:12:36,800
(VOICE BREAKING)
And you had a daughter.
1343
01:12:40,040 --> 01:12:41,530
You have a daughter.
1344
01:12:44,520 --> 01:12:46,124
(SOBBING)
1345
01:12:46,200 --> 01:12:48,202
I'm not going back without you.
1346
01:12:51,800 --> 01:12:53,802
I don't wanna lose you again.
1347
01:12:54,720 --> 01:12:55,960
Max.
1348
01:12:57,640 --> 01:13:01,804
I'm not lost.
I'm right here, all right?
1349
01:13:02,280 --> 01:13:04,681
You'll always know
where to find me, okay?
1350
01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:07,764
But you have to let me go.
1351
01:13:09,080 --> 01:13:10,730
You have to let me go.
1352
01:13:24,240 --> 01:13:25,730
(SOBBING)
1353
01:13:29,680 --> 01:13:31,330
(SNIFFLES)
1354
01:13:34,160 --> 01:13:35,571
Bye, Max.
1355
01:13:45,080 --> 01:13:46,491
I love you.
1356
01:13:50,640 --> 01:13:52,688
That's what
I never got to tell her.
1357
01:13:54,000 --> 01:13:55,365
Don't worry.
1358
01:13:56,400 --> 01:13:59,609
Wherever she is, she knows.
1359
01:14:00,920 --> 01:14:02,843
You were right about
one thing, you know?
1360
01:14:03,680 --> 01:14:04,841
What?
1361
01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:07,484
I'm a movie star.
1362
01:14:07,720 --> 01:14:09,324
(CHUCKLES)
1363
01:14:30,040 --> 01:14:32,281
♪ Her hair is Harlowe gold
1364
01:14:34,320 --> 01:14:36,926
♪ Her lips sweet surprise
1365
01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:40,925
♪ Her hands are never cold
1366
01:14:42,080 --> 01:14:44,606
♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes
1367
01:14:44,680 --> 01:14:46,887
♪ She'll turn her music on you
1368
01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:51,087
♪ You won't
have to think twice
1369
01:14:52,800 --> 01:14:55,121
♪ She's pure as New York snow
1370
01:14:56,480 --> 01:14:59,370
♪ She got Bette Davis eyes
1371
01:15:02,200 --> 01:15:03,884
♪ And she'll tease you
1372
01:15:04,200 --> 01:15:05,884
♪ She'll unease you
1373
01:15:06,280 --> 01:15:09,841
♪ All the better
just to please you
1374
01:15:10,320 --> 01:15:13,927
♪ She's precocious
and she knows just
1375
01:15:14,160 --> 01:15:18,404
♪ What it takes
to make a pro blush
1376
01:15:18,520 --> 01:15:22,730
♪ She got Greta Garbo
stand off sighs
1377
01:15:22,800 --> 01:15:26,725
♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes
1378
01:15:27,600 --> 01:15:28,601
(THUNDER CRACKING)
1379
01:15:32,200 --> 01:15:34,806
♪ She'll let you
take her home
1380
01:15:36,280 --> 01:15:38,282
♪ It whets her appetite
1381
01:15:40,320 --> 01:15:43,085
♪ She'll lay you
on her throne
1382
01:15:44,120 --> 01:15:46,726
♪ She got Bette Davis eyes
1383
01:15:46,800 --> 01:15:49,485
♪ She'll take
a tumble on you
1384
01:15:50,640 --> 01:15:53,041
♪ Roll you like
you were dice
1385
01:15:54,760 --> 01:15:57,127
♪ Until you come out blue
1386
01:15:58,360 --> 01:16:01,170
♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes ♪
1387
01:16:03,840 --> 01:16:05,080
(THUNDER CRACKING)
1388
01:16:49,920 --> 01:16:51,968
You just fucked
with the wrong virgin.
1389
01:17:10,320 --> 01:17:11,321
(GRUNTS)
1390
01:17:14,240 --> 01:17:15,241
(GRUNTS)
1391
01:18:01,080 --> 01:18:02,081
(GRUNTS)
1392
01:18:13,120 --> 01:18:14,724
(MACHETE THUDS)
1393
01:18:18,600 --> 01:18:19,886
(BIRD CHIRPING)
1394
01:18:22,280 --> 01:18:23,520
(CREAKING)
1395
01:18:27,520 --> 01:18:28,521
(EXHALES)
1396
01:18:58,120 --> 01:18:59,281
It's over.
1397
01:19:31,800 --> 01:19:32,961
What is happening?
1398
01:19:33,080 --> 01:19:34,206
I don't know.
1399
01:19:40,040 --> 01:19:41,530
(WHIRRING)
1400
01:19:41,600 --> 01:19:42,886
Hold on tight!
1401
01:19:43,680 --> 01:19:44,886
(GRUNTS)
1402
01:19:45,360 --> 01:19:46,930
(WHIRRING INTENSIFIES)
(GRUNTS)
1403
01:19:53,760 --> 01:19:55,171
(WHIRRING STOPS)
1404
01:20:01,520 --> 01:20:03,045
(MAX MOANS)
1405
01:20:20,360 --> 01:20:22,601
GIRL: This food is so disgusting.
1406
01:20:23,080 --> 01:20:24,320
BOY: Speak for yourself, girl.
1407
01:20:24,400 --> 01:20:26,084
This tapioca pudding
is incredible!
1408
01:20:26,560 --> 01:20:29,723
GIRL: You've had like 15 of
those in the last 30 minutes.
1409
01:20:29,880 --> 01:20:31,450
I counted them, 15!
1410
01:20:31,880 --> 01:20:34,281
BOY: Little known fact,
I can't stand tapioca pudding.
1411
01:20:34,440 --> 01:20:35,805
GIRL: Then why
did you eat 30 of them?
1412
01:20:35,880 --> 01:20:37,689
BOY: Let me eat my
feelings in peace.
1413
01:20:38,520 --> 01:20:39,851
(GASPS) Max!
Hey!
1414
01:20:40,760 --> 01:20:41,886
You're awake!
1415
01:20:44,800 --> 01:20:45,801
(SIGHS)
1416
01:20:49,840 --> 01:20:52,047
When you get a second,
(SOFTLY) try the pudding.
1417
01:20:54,240 --> 01:20:55,685
Wait, where are we?
1418
01:20:55,760 --> 01:20:57,922
We're home.
1419
01:21:01,280 --> 01:21:02,566
But was it a dream or...
1420
01:21:02,640 --> 01:21:04,210
No, not at all!
1421
01:21:04,280 --> 01:21:05,805
Remember?
Ugh.
1422
01:21:06,200 --> 01:21:08,362
That is a machete wound,
1423
01:21:08,440 --> 01:21:10,807
poorly stitched
by an incompetent doctor.
1424
01:21:10,880 --> 01:21:12,609
I'm actually more
concerned about tetanus
1425
01:21:12,720 --> 01:21:14,529
because the machete
had a bit of rust on it,
1426
01:21:14,640 --> 01:21:17,564
and I did not see
the doctor give me a shot.
1427
01:21:17,680 --> 01:21:21,401
Duncan, I love you
and I'm so happy you survived,
1428
01:21:21,520 --> 01:21:23,204
but do you hear yourself when you say things?
DUNCAN: God.
1429
01:21:23,280 --> 01:21:24,566
Do you hear the words
in your head first?
1430
01:21:24,640 --> 01:21:25,801
DUNCAN: And she's back.
1431
01:21:26,440 --> 01:21:27,851
(FAINTLY) I feel like
the jock at high school
1432
01:21:27,920 --> 01:21:29,649
just gave me his promise ring.
1433
01:21:44,560 --> 01:21:46,130
(DISTORTED ECHOING)
1434
01:21:51,040 --> 01:21:53,281
Doctor, stop.
Oh, come on.
1435
01:21:54,080 --> 01:21:55,525
DOCTOR: My shift's
almost over.
1436
01:21:55,600 --> 01:21:57,204
NURSE: I have
to do my rounds.
1437
01:21:57,320 --> 01:21:59,687
And what beautiful
rounds they are.
1438
01:22:00,480 --> 01:22:02,323
Oh, my God.
Of course.
1439
01:22:06,240 --> 01:22:08,368
Of course, what?
1440
01:22:16,400 --> 01:22:17,481
The sequel!
1441
01:22:21,960 --> 01:22:22,960
This is so great!
1442
01:22:23,040 --> 01:22:24,880
The sequel is
so much cooler than the original.
1443
01:22:26,360 --> 01:22:27,361
(GRUNTS)
1444
01:22:32,560 --> 01:22:33,561
Mark.
1445
01:22:33,880 --> 01:22:34,881
(SIGHS)
1446
01:22:34,960 --> 01:22:36,962
Let me just wipe my sweat off
with this tampon.
1447
01:22:37,040 --> 01:22:39,202
(MAN LAUGHING)
MAN 2: Blooper!
1448
01:22:41,720 --> 01:22:44,724
How about you go suck a turd?
1449
01:22:45,200 --> 01:22:47,521
That's perfect,
so perfectly bad.
1450
01:22:47,840 --> 01:22:52,209
Like that's Bad.
Michael Jackson Bad?
That guy's talented.
1451
01:22:52,320 --> 01:22:53,810
King of Pop.
Yeah.
1452
01:22:56,600 --> 01:22:58,682
Wasn't expecting that.
1453
01:22:59,400 --> 01:23:00,401
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
1454
01:23:03,840 --> 01:23:05,126
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
1455
01:23:05,400 --> 01:23:06,401
(BUCKET RATTLES)
1456
01:23:07,000 --> 01:23:08,445
No!
Shit.
1457
01:23:08,520 --> 01:23:09,640
(WOMAN LAUGHING)
It's broken!
1458
01:23:12,080 --> 01:23:15,766
Oh, God, you killed Duncan.
You smell great, by the way.
1459
01:23:16,280 --> 01:23:17,725
Oh, you killed him!
1460
01:23:17,800 --> 01:23:19,211
I promise I won't tell the cops
1461
01:23:19,280 --> 01:23:20,441
if we just go have sex!
1462
01:23:20,840 --> 01:23:22,683
Right now! Now!
1463
01:23:23,640 --> 01:23:25,085
(SCREAMING)
(SHRIEKS)
1464
01:23:28,320 --> 01:23:29,446
I'm not even scared.
1465
01:23:33,560 --> 01:23:34,971
Oh, God, Jesus.
1466
01:23:35,920 --> 01:23:37,126
Oh. (BLEEP)
Chris.
1467
01:23:37,240 --> 01:23:38,241
One more time!
1468
01:23:38,680 --> 01:23:39,886
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
1469
01:23:40,760 --> 01:23:42,285
I've only had sex one time
1470
01:23:42,360 --> 01:23:43,885
and it was with
my cousin Heather!
1471
01:23:43,960 --> 01:23:46,201
Honestly, that
wasn't your fault,
1472
01:23:46,280 --> 01:23:49,204
and I won't
tell the cops if we have sex.
1473
01:23:50,520 --> 01:23:51,726
Let's (BLEEP)
1474
01:23:52,960 --> 01:23:54,564
(MAN LAUGHING)
1475
01:23:55,560 --> 01:23:58,450
Look, Chris, you and I
don't know each other well.
1476
01:23:58,520 --> 01:24:00,522
So, lose the familiarity.
1477
01:24:00,600 --> 01:24:01,931
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1478
01:24:02,000 --> 01:24:03,525
What a rude little
girl you're being.
1479
01:24:05,440 --> 01:24:08,967
She's not like this at home.
She's just showing off.
1480
01:24:09,720 --> 01:24:11,722
You guys have to learn
how to not break.
1481
01:24:11,800 --> 01:24:14,167
DUNCAN: I'm scared.
1482
01:24:14,400 --> 01:24:16,448
Oh, I get it, because
you've only had sex with one person
1483
01:24:16,520 --> 01:24:20,002
and I'm freaking
double-digits slayer over here.
1484
01:24:20,080 --> 01:24:21,605
You probably don't
even know this move.
1485
01:24:21,800 --> 01:24:23,006
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
1486
01:24:24,600 --> 01:24:25,601
(MAN CHUCKLES)
1487
01:24:27,360 --> 01:24:28,920
I feel like I'm
walking out like Kramer.
1488
01:24:30,640 --> 01:24:31,641
Jerry.
1489
01:24:32,320 --> 01:24:33,526
(MAN LAUGHING)
1490
01:24:34,400 --> 01:24:37,244
Well, all my bones are broken
except for the one.
1491
01:24:37,880 --> 01:24:40,247
(STUTTERS) I'm actually
talking about this arm.
1492
01:24:40,320 --> 01:24:42,527
My penis is severely injured.
1493
01:24:42,600 --> 01:24:44,443
It's like split in
three different parts.
1494
01:24:44,760 --> 01:24:46,364
(MAN LAUGHING)
1495
01:24:50,520 --> 01:24:52,170
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
1496
01:24:53,200 --> 01:24:54,850
Okay, okay,
people are dying.
1497
01:24:54,880 --> 01:24:56,689
(SCREAMING) Oh, my God!
(SCREAMING)
1498
01:24:57,000 --> 01:24:58,331
(MAN LAUGHING)
1499
01:24:58,720 --> 01:25:00,404
It's not "Ew."
1500
01:25:00,480 --> 01:25:02,244
(SEDUCTIVE LY)
It's not "Ew."
1501
01:25:03,840 --> 01:25:05,604
Too sexy?
Was it too sexy?
1502
01:25:06,520 --> 01:25:07,965
MAN: Impossible.
1503
01:25:08,080 --> 01:25:09,570
Ever since I was a little boy,
1504
01:25:09,640 --> 01:25:12,086
I've dreamed of being
the final girl. (LAUGHING)
1505
01:25:12,760 --> 01:25:13,761
(MAN LAUGHING)
1506
01:25:15,280 --> 01:25:18,284
I want you to come study.
1507
01:25:20,960 --> 01:25:21,961
(BLEEP)
1508
01:25:22,360 --> 01:25:23,361
One more time.
1509
01:25:25,520 --> 01:25:29,684
Well, Vicki, you're a virgin.
No, you're not, you're a slut.
1510
01:25:30,560 --> 01:25:31,686
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
1511
01:25:32,240 --> 01:25:34,481
GERTIE: He had, like,
the weird mustache.
1512
01:25:38,360 --> 01:25:39,521
(CHUCKLING)
Yeah, right!
1513
01:25:39,600 --> 01:25:41,364
A phone that I can
put in my mouth?
1514
01:25:41,880 --> 01:25:43,564
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
1515
01:25:45,880 --> 01:25:47,882
Oh! (CHANTING INCOHERENTLY)
1516
01:25:49,600 --> 01:25:50,601
From the movie.
1517
01:25:51,040 --> 01:25:52,326
Oh, Jesus!
1518
01:25:55,080 --> 01:25:56,081
(BLEEP)
1519
01:25:56,400 --> 01:25:57,890
Ow! (CHUCKLES)
1520
01:25:58,600 --> 01:25:59,601
(CHUCKLES)
1521
01:26:02,560 --> 01:26:04,403
All right, see you in there.
1522
01:26:04,760 --> 01:26:06,842
(GROANING)
(MAN LAUGHING)
1523
01:26:09,760 --> 01:26:11,091
(SCREAMING)
1524
01:26:12,720 --> 01:26:13,721
That's a cut!