1
00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:11,674
So it's 6:00 p.m. in the nighttime,
which is when I wake up.
2
00:02:11,758 --> 00:02:14,844
This is always really scary part for me.
3
00:02:20,058 --> 00:02:22,393
Yes! Nighttime.
4
00:02:23,061 --> 00:02:26,689
So, now I'm going
to wake up my flatmates.
5
00:02:28,441 --> 00:02:30,777
I really love living in
a flatting situation.
6
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:34,322
Wake up! Wake up, everyone!
7
00:02:34,781 --> 00:02:37,450
I like to hang out with other vampires.
8
00:02:37,534 --> 00:02:39,244
I like the company.
9
00:02:40,245 --> 00:02:41,955
Awaken!
10
00:02:42,038 --> 00:02:44,207
Awakey-wakey!
11
00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:48,294
I just really like
having a good time with my friends.
12
00:02:48,378 --> 00:02:51,214
Deacon, hi!
13
00:02:51,381 --> 00:02:53,216
Hey, Deacon.
14
00:02:54,926 --> 00:02:56,678
How was your night, last night?
15
00:02:57,428 --> 00:03:00,306
I transformed into a dog and had sex.
16
00:03:00,390 --> 00:03:01,516
Cool!
17
00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:04,060
We're gonna have
a little flat meeting in the kitchen
18
00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:06,062
in about 15 minutes, okay?
19
00:03:06,688 --> 00:03:08,273
- Okay.
- Okay.
20
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:09,941
- Should I close this?
- Yes.
21
00:03:11,609 --> 00:03:12,610
Vladislav?
22
00:03:12,694 --> 00:03:14,404
Oh!
23
00:03:15,989 --> 00:03:17,365
Sorry! Sorry!
24
00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,328
What?
25
00:03:22,412 --> 00:03:24,330
- Hey.
- What time is it?
26
00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:27,959
Um... We're going to
have a flat meeting in about 10 minutes.
27
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,042
Twenty.
28
00:03:29,085 --> 00:03:30,253
Okay. Is there...
29
00:03:44,726 --> 00:03:47,896
So,
we're in Petyr's room.
30
00:03:47,979 --> 00:03:49,939
I'm just going to wake him up.
31
00:04:08,124 --> 00:04:09,417
Petyr?
32
00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:12,086
Petyr?
33
00:04:15,131 --> 00:04:16,799
Petyr, wake up.
34
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:20,260
Hey, listen.
35
00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:23,932
We're just having a flat meeting
upstairs in about 10 minutes.
36
00:04:24,015 --> 00:04:25,266
You don't have to come,
37
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:29,228
but I thought I'd extend an invitation
to you just in case.
38
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,480
Um...
39
00:04:30,563 --> 00:04:33,775
There's a lot of stuff
on the floor down here, Petyr.
40
00:04:33,858 --> 00:04:35,985
Like this, it seems... I don't...
41
00:04:36,569 --> 00:04:39,280
Oh, it's a spinal column. Yuck.
42
00:04:39,364 --> 00:04:40,698
And I was thinking,
43
00:04:40,782 --> 00:04:43,701
maybe I should just
bring a broom down here for you
44
00:04:43,785 --> 00:04:47,288
if you wanted to sweep up
some of the skeletons.
45
00:04:47,372 --> 00:04:48,831
I don't know. You know, maybe...
46
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:51,584
Okay.
47
00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:55,421
I got you this chicken.
48
00:04:59,592 --> 00:05:00,969
Is Petyr coming?
49
00:05:01,052 --> 00:05:02,261
Should we be worried?
50
00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:04,013
Petyr's 8,000 years old.
51
00:05:04,097 --> 00:05:06,224
We're not going
to have Petyr at the meeting.
52
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:09,268
Okay, so I wanted to have a quick chat
53
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:11,312
about flat responsibilities
54
00:05:11,396 --> 00:05:15,608
because, guys, I think
that we're not all pulling our weight here.
55
00:05:15,692 --> 00:05:18,695
We're not just
pointing the finger at you, Deacon.
56
00:05:18,778 --> 00:05:20,154
You're a cool guy, but you're not
57
00:05:20,238 --> 00:05:22,156
pulling your weight in the flat.
58
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,909
Well, I'm glad to hear that I'm cool.
59
00:05:25,618 --> 00:05:26,845
No, that's not the point though.
60
00:05:26,869 --> 00:05:28,371
- You missed it.
- No, I know, I know.
61
00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:30,540
Yeah, it's not a flat meeting
about how cool you are.
62
00:05:30,623 --> 00:05:31,624
I do my flat chores.
63
00:05:31,708 --> 00:05:32,810
- No, you don't!
- Yes, I do.
64
00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:34,520
No, you don't. This is why we're
having the flat meeting.
65
00:05:34,544 --> 00:05:35,753
The point is, Deacon,
66
00:05:35,837 --> 00:05:38,172
that you have
not done the dishes for five years.
67
00:05:38,256 --> 00:05:39,298
Vladislav is right.
68
00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:42,010
It's unacceptable
to have so many bloody dishes
69
00:05:42,093 --> 00:05:43,803
all over this bench like that.
70
00:05:43,886 --> 00:05:46,014
I'm so embarrassed
when people come over here.
71
00:05:46,097 --> 00:05:48,391
What does it matter?
You bring them over, you kill them!
72
00:05:48,474 --> 00:05:49,475
Yeah.
73
00:05:49,559 --> 00:05:51,227
Vampires don't do dishes.
74
00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:54,981
Deacon's like the
rebellious young vampire.
75
00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:58,985
He's always doing crazy things,
saying crazy things.
76
00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:02,113
He's just like the young bad boy
of the group.
77
00:06:02,864 --> 00:06:04,073
Okay, so
78
00:06:05,575 --> 00:06:08,953
one day I was selling my wares,
79
00:06:10,246 --> 00:06:13,041
and I walked past this old creepy castle,
80
00:06:13,124 --> 00:06:14,834
and I look at it and think,
81
00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:17,670
"Very old and creepy."
82
00:06:17,754 --> 00:06:21,215
And then this creature flies at me.
83
00:06:21,299 --> 00:06:24,385
It dragged me back to this dark dungeon
84
00:06:24,886 --> 00:06:26,929
and bit into my neck.
85
00:06:27,472 --> 00:06:29,724
And just at the point of death,
86
00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:34,479
this creature forced me
to suck its foul blood,
87
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:37,857
and then it opened its wings like this
88
00:06:38,357 --> 00:06:41,903
and hovered above me, screeching,
89
00:06:43,988 --> 00:06:46,616
"Now you are vampire."
90
00:06:47,742 --> 00:06:49,285
And it was Petyr.
91
00:06:51,621 --> 00:06:53,498
And we're still friends today.
92
00:06:53,998 --> 00:06:55,291
Vlad, you were great.
93
00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:58,711
You put out the recycling,
which was really cool.
94
00:06:58,795 --> 00:07:03,216
And the other day,
I dragged a man's body down the hallway
95
00:07:03,299 --> 00:07:05,676
and noticed that there was no dust.
96
00:07:07,303 --> 00:07:10,223
Like, I kind of...
I kind of swept the hallway.
97
00:07:10,306 --> 00:07:13,559
Vladislav is just
like this older vampire
98
00:07:13,643 --> 00:07:16,062
who grew up in the medieval times.
99
00:07:16,145 --> 00:07:19,065
And to be living this long
100
00:07:19,148 --> 00:07:21,192
and to have seen
the things that he's seen
101
00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,612
and still kind of have it together...
102
00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:25,696
Ow!
103
00:07:25,780 --> 00:07:27,156
I mean, hats off to him.
104
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,075
Bloody hell!
105
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:30,660
Sorry!
106
00:07:30,743 --> 00:07:32,495
He's a really great guy.
107
00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:34,539
A bit of a pervert.
108
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:38,126
He has some pretty old ideas
about things.
109
00:07:38,209 --> 00:07:40,920
- But we should get some slaves.
- Yes.
110
00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:44,298
When I first became a vampire,
111
00:07:44,382 --> 00:07:46,259
I was quite tyrannical.
112
00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:50,555
I was known for, uh,
torturing a lot of people.
113
00:07:53,558 --> 00:07:55,685
This is my torture chamber.
114
00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:59,188
I don't come in here often anymore.
115
00:07:59,856 --> 00:08:03,609
I tended to torture
when I was in a bad place.
116
00:08:03,693 --> 00:08:08,614
My thing was I would
poke someone with implements.
117
00:08:08,698 --> 00:08:11,409
I was known as Vladislav the Poker.
118
00:08:13,786 --> 00:08:16,455
It's been like this the whole time, okay?
119
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:20,042
Viago is a little pedantic.
120
00:08:20,126 --> 00:08:22,253
The washing and the rubbish, I did that.
121
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:26,257
Deacon, on dishes,
and it's still hasn't moved in five years.
122
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,885
He was an 18th century dandy,
123
00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:31,679
so he can be very fussy.
124
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,014
He nags and nags.
125
00:08:33,097 --> 00:08:34,765
...went in the lounge the other day,
126
00:08:34,849 --> 00:08:38,895
and there was
blood all over my nice antique couch.
127
00:08:38,978 --> 00:08:40,688
Which one, the red one?
128
00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:42,648
Well, it's red now, yeah.
129
00:08:42,732 --> 00:08:45,401
If you're going to eat
a victim on my nice clean couch,
130
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:48,279
put down some newspaper on the floor
and some towels.
131
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:49,530
It's not hard to do.
132
00:08:49,614 --> 00:08:53,159
We're vampires.
We don't put down towels.
133
00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:55,161
Some vampires do.
134
00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:57,205
Well, not serious ones.
135
00:08:57,288 --> 00:09:00,333
When you get four vampires in a flat,
136
00:09:00,416 --> 00:09:03,002
obviously there's
going to be a lot of tension.
137
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:06,505
There's tension in any flatting situation.
138
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,925
It's settled then. We'll all do our jobs,
139
00:09:09,008 --> 00:09:11,302
starting with a certain Deacon...
140
00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:12,678
I will do my dishes!
141
00:09:12,762 --> 00:09:14,305
Good, then do them!
142
00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,534
This is bullshit.
143
00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:18,160
I became a vampire when I was 16,
144
00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:20,997
and that is why I always look 16.
145
00:10:21,706 --> 00:10:22,832
In those days, of course,
146
00:10:22,915 --> 00:10:25,084
life was tough for a 16-year-old.
147
00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:38,848
Vampires have
had a pretty bad rep.
148
00:10:39,265 --> 00:10:43,644
We're not these mopey old creatures
who live in castles.
149
00:10:43,728 --> 00:10:46,689
Well, some... Most of us are. A lot are.
150
00:10:46,772 --> 00:10:48,024
But there are also those of us
151
00:10:48,107 --> 00:10:49,358
who like to flat together
152
00:10:49,442 --> 00:10:52,194
in really small countries,
like New Zealand.
153
00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:04,957
I was a Nazi vampire.
154
00:11:12,423 --> 00:11:14,467
After the war,
which the Nazis lost...
155
00:11:15,301 --> 00:11:19,388
I don't know if you know
that the Nazis lost that war.
156
00:11:19,472 --> 00:11:21,557
If you were a Nazi, after the war...
157
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,268
And if you were a vampire...
158
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:29,690
And if you were a Nazi vampire,
159
00:11:30,608 --> 00:11:31,734
no way.
160
00:11:31,817 --> 00:11:33,069
I was out of there.
161
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:20,658
Ja, I came to this country for love.
162
00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:24,203
Uh... There was a girl, human girl,
163
00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:28,416
and I thought she was fantastic.
164
00:12:28,499 --> 00:12:30,876
She was absolutely amazing.
165
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,545
I was smitten.
166
00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:36,382
Her family emigrated to New Zealand.
167
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:38,342
And I thought,
168
00:12:38,426 --> 00:12:40,886
"You know what? To hell with it.
I'm going to go.
169
00:12:40,970 --> 00:12:43,597
"I'm going to chase her
and tell her how I feel."
170
00:12:43,681 --> 00:12:45,599
I told my servant Phillip,
171
00:12:45,683 --> 00:12:47,476
"Send me to New Zealand."
172
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:51,230
He put the wrong postage on my coffin,
173
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:54,567
so the whole journey
took about 18 months.
174
00:12:56,694 --> 00:13:00,656
And when I got here,
she had found someone else.
175
00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:03,993
She had fallen in love
176
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:07,788
and she was married.
177
00:13:19,175 --> 00:13:21,218
She gave me this before she left.
178
00:13:23,512 --> 00:13:24,972
There she is.
179
00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:28,434
That's me. I put myself in there, too.
180
00:13:31,020 --> 00:13:32,688
She told me it was pure silver.
181
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:37,860
Unfortunately,
we vampires cannot wear silver.
182
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:00,716
Yeah.
183
00:14:02,218 --> 00:14:04,929
That's about as long as I can wear that.
184
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:34,124
Tonight,
we are going out into Wellington Central.
185
00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:36,001
It is important that we look good.
186
00:14:36,085 --> 00:14:37,604
Yeah, it's really good, yeah. Like it.
187
00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:40,881
One of the unfortunate things
about not having a reflection
188
00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:44,760
is that you don't know
exactly what you look like.
189
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,679
Whoo!
190
00:14:46,762 --> 00:14:52,768
Look, a ghost cup floating all by itself.
191
00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:55,604
We can give each other feedback
192
00:14:55,688 --> 00:14:58,148
and help each other out
until we're looking great.
193
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,985
Yes,
some of our clothes are from victims.
194
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,070
You might bite someone and then
195
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:05,781
you think,
"Ooh, those are some nice pants."
196
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:07,741
- Should I wear these?
- No. Change it.
197
00:15:07,825 --> 00:15:10,744
When you are a vampire,
you become very sexy.
198
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,251
We are trying
to attract victims to us.
199
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,961
Not sure about the waistcoat.
200
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:22,715
I go for a look which I call,
"Dead But Delicious."
201
00:15:22,798 --> 00:15:26,635
We are the bait,
but we are also the trap.
202
00:15:26,719 --> 00:15:29,054
Hello, ladies.
203
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:53,454
And voila,
we are ready to go into town and party...
204
00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:55,539
Vampire style.
205
00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:08,052
When we go into town,
we must try to blend in.
206
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,345
Just walking the streets.
207
00:16:09,428 --> 00:16:11,764
Coming into town, um, is really cool
208
00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:13,849
because just for one brief moment,
209
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:15,643
- I feel...
- Homos!
210
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,318
The trouble with being a vampire
211
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:27,613
is you have to be invited in to go in.
212
00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:30,366
We'd like to come into
the bar, please.
213
00:16:30,449 --> 00:16:32,009
Can you invite us into the bar, please?
214
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:34,119
$5, you can walk in.
215
00:16:34,203 --> 00:16:35,954
Will you invite us in?
216
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:40,751
If the humans found out
what we were, they would destroy us.
217
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:43,337
There are between
60 and 70 vampires
218
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,214
in the Greater Wellington region.
219
00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:46,340
Obvious vampire.
220
00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:47,716
- Julie.
- Hello.
221
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,218
How embarrassing.
222
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:52,805
He's a guy I used to work with,
when I was human.
223
00:16:52,888 --> 00:16:54,348
- Before, when I was human.
- Gone?
224
00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,368
Yeah, he's gone.
I've been draining him all night.
225
00:16:56,392 --> 00:16:57,726
I've been a very thirsty girl.
226
00:16:57,810 --> 00:16:58,811
Hey, guys.
227
00:16:58,894 --> 00:17:00,771
Being bitten as a little
boy or a little girl,
228
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,773
you're always going
to look the same age.
229
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:03,875
What are you doing tonight?
230
00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:05,210
Are you going to kill some perverts?
231
00:17:05,234 --> 00:17:06,336
Yeah,
we're meeting a pedophile.
232
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:07,361
- Cool.
- Yeah.
233
00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,113
Okay. Let's just go to Big Kumara.
234
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,007
- Have a good night, guys.
- Yeah. You, too. Bye.
235
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:13,534
Big Kumara is vampire-owned
and operated,
236
00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,369
and so we can always get in.
237
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:19,206
It's the hottest night spot
for vampires in Wellington.
238
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:20,666
Come on in, guys. Come on in.
239
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:22,029
- Thank you. Thanks.
- Thank you.
240
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:33,137
Perhaps you could bring
some people to the house.
241
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,723
- Sure.
- Perhaps some virgins?
242
00:17:35,806 --> 00:17:36,974
Virgins? Yep, okay.
243
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:39,685
Any kind of preference
in terms of gender or...
244
00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:41,228
Maybe some ladies?
245
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:42,855
Yep, ladies.
246
00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:44,815
Perhaps a guy.
247
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,066
One of each?
248
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,568
One of each should be cool.
249
00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:50,154
My relationship
with Deacon is...
250
00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,990
Well, I'm his familiar. He's my master.
251
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,951
He tells me what to do, I do it.
252
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,248
We have that kind of
master-servant relationship,
253
00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:01,999
which works nicely, actually.
254
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,082
- Hello.
- Hello.
255
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:04,710
It's a little bit of blood.
256
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:07,337
- Um... My husband, he's a hemophiliac.
- Okay.
257
00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:08,881
You know, someone that bleeds a lot.
258
00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:09,964
Yeah.
259
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:11,175
Any kind of age range?
260
00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:12,301
Young.
261
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:14,219
But not kids?
262
00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:15,554
Not kids.
263
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,181
18 to 30?
264
00:18:17,723 --> 00:18:19,725
Definitely younger than yourself.
265
00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:21,894
Okay. So, 18 to 30.
266
00:18:21,977 --> 00:18:23,121
- So, it's a dinner party.
- Great.
267
00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:25,039
- I'll be there. You'll be there.
- Yes, dinner party.
268
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:26,207
The guys'll be there. We'll all be there.
269
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:27,232
Yes, we will dress up.
270
00:18:27,316 --> 00:18:30,152
- Okay, great.
- And then eat them.
271
00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,321
- Okay. Great.
- Should be fun.
272
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:34,299
I was just wondering
if we could talk about the...
273
00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:36,909
Do you know of a night dentist?
274
00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:38,368
Because I have this thing here.
275
00:18:38,452 --> 00:18:41,413
I was just wondering
if we could talk about the deal.
276
00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:43,081
- Hmm?
- The deal.
277
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:44,833
The dishes?
278
00:18:44,917 --> 00:18:46,502
No, you know, the deal.
279
00:18:46,585 --> 00:18:50,798
The deal is that he is going
to give me eternal life,
280
00:18:50,881 --> 00:18:52,841
um, which is
281
00:18:53,801 --> 00:18:55,344
very exciting.
282
00:18:55,427 --> 00:18:57,322
Well, I just feel like
I've kind of reached my potential,
283
00:18:57,346 --> 00:18:59,681
and I wouldn't
want to kind of get any older before...
284
00:18:59,765 --> 00:19:02,267
I just feel like I'm the best version
of myself that I can be.
285
00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:04,454
It's just that it's been
four and a half years, and I just...
286
00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:05,813
But it's doing your pot plants,
287
00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:07,231
I'm doing your dry cleaning,
288
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:08,833
I'm now doing your dishes,
and I'm doing...
289
00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:10,126
- I'm just wondering...
- And the dentist.
290
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,169
- And the dentist.
- The dentist.
291
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:12,504
And it's just taking an awful long time.
292
00:19:12,528 --> 00:19:14,172
- So I was just wondering if I...
- Be gone!
293
00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:15,364
Okay.
294
00:19:16,073 --> 00:19:17,908
- See you later.
- Okay.
295
00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:30,230
One of the most
unfortunate things
296
00:19:30,254 --> 00:19:32,631
about being a vampire is that
297
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,592
you have to drink human blood.
298
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,136
I like to make a real evening of it.
299
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,220
It's lovely.
300
00:19:39,263 --> 00:19:40,931
Play some music,
301
00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:43,642
maybe give them some nice wine.
302
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:44,893
It's their last moment alive,
303
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:47,896
so why not make it a nice experience?
304
00:19:49,523 --> 00:19:52,985
So, tell me what you do. What do you...
305
00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:54,736
I'm thinking about
going to uni, actually.
306
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:57,698
Oh, you are? Let's put this over there.
307
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:01,827
University, ja?
308
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:04,621
Yeah, but after that I'm gonna travel.
309
00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:07,708
Yeah, really wanted
to go overseas for ages.
310
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:09,793
So I'm saving up, and I'm gonna go
311
00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:13,630
to Spain and Italy and London and...
312
00:20:13,714 --> 00:20:14,798
Yeah.
313
00:20:17,134 --> 00:20:21,096
Okay. Excuse me. Just put that there.
314
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:26,768
Here we go.
315
00:20:34,610 --> 00:20:37,154
Shit! Shit!
316
00:20:44,995 --> 00:20:47,331
Well, that didn't go so great.
317
00:20:47,748 --> 00:20:50,626
Um... I hit the main artery.
318
00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:54,212
So, yeah, it's a real mess in there.
319
00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:55,297
Um...
320
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:59,009
On the upside,
I think she had a really good time.
321
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:18,362
So it's quite late,
322
00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:22,783
and I've managed
to find a woman up watching television.
323
00:21:22,866 --> 00:21:25,827
And she seems like
she'd be a good victim.
324
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:30,165
I'm just going to use hypnosis on her.
325
00:21:32,793 --> 00:21:34,252
See me.
326
00:21:36,505 --> 00:21:38,048
See me.
327
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:43,095
She can't see me from that angle.
328
00:21:43,553 --> 00:21:46,264
Vladislav used to be
extremely powerful.
329
00:21:46,348 --> 00:21:48,767
He could hypnotize crowds of people.
330
00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:51,561
Great orgies. 20, 30 women.
331
00:21:51,645 --> 00:21:53,855
He could turn into
all sorts of animals,
332
00:21:53,939 --> 00:21:56,108
but now he never get the faces right.
333
00:21:56,191 --> 00:21:59,987
He would kill anybody.
Men, women, children.
334
00:22:00,070 --> 00:22:03,490
Burning everything. It was totally great.
335
00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:06,994
But he suffered a humiliating defeat
336
00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:09,413
at the hands of his arch nemesis,
337
00:22:10,372 --> 00:22:11,707
The Beast.
338
00:22:19,423 --> 00:22:21,967
And he's never been the same.
339
00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:23,552
See me.
340
00:22:25,554 --> 00:22:27,180
See me.
341
00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:30,892
See me.
342
00:22:33,270 --> 00:22:34,688
See me.
343
00:22:36,815 --> 00:22:38,358
Would you like to come inside?
344
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:43,739
Mmm. Mmm.
345
00:23:02,090 --> 00:23:03,341
- Oh!
- Ah!
346
00:23:03,425 --> 00:23:04,551
Jackie, welcome!
347
00:23:04,634 --> 00:23:05,635
- Hello.
- Come in.
348
00:23:06,595 --> 00:23:09,014
This is Nick. Ex-ex-boyfriend.
349
00:23:09,097 --> 00:23:10,515
- And Josephine.
- Nice house.
350
00:23:10,599 --> 00:23:13,560
And this is Deacon,
my overseas friend from Europe.
351
00:23:13,643 --> 00:23:17,189
Deacon and his
friends need victims.
352
00:23:17,272 --> 00:23:20,150
Hi. Please come in. Welcome.
353
00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:22,235
They can't be people
354
00:23:23,111 --> 00:23:26,031
that I actually invest in or like
355
00:23:26,114 --> 00:23:27,949
because, of course,
they will become victims.
356
00:23:28,033 --> 00:23:29,951
Hi, Josephine?
357
00:23:30,327 --> 00:23:32,579
No, I sat next to you in English.
Remember?
358
00:23:33,288 --> 00:23:35,290
Um... Uh,
you used to call me the Jaxocist.
359
00:23:35,957 --> 00:23:37,793
No, you did. No, you did. Yeah.
360
00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:39,377
No, you started that.
361
00:23:40,003 --> 00:23:41,606
You were the one that
started calling me that,
362
00:23:41,630 --> 00:23:44,591
and then everyone...
Then it kind of caught on. Yeah.
363
00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:47,094
Okay, bye then. Bye.
364
00:23:47,385 --> 00:23:48,512
She's in.
365
00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:54,559
Do you like that, Nick?
366
00:23:54,643 --> 00:23:56,603
Yup. Good choice.
367
00:23:58,230 --> 00:24:00,857
I will go and prepare dinner.
368
00:24:00,941 --> 00:24:02,150
Please.
369
00:24:04,194 --> 00:24:06,238
Nick, are you a virgin at all?
370
00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:07,906
Ah, what?
371
00:24:07,989 --> 00:24:10,867
Doesn't seem like... Are you a virgin?
372
00:24:10,951 --> 00:24:12,160
Ah, yes.
373
00:24:12,244 --> 00:24:13,662
Um... No.
374
00:24:13,745 --> 00:24:15,705
You were a virgin
when we were seeing each other?
375
00:24:15,789 --> 00:24:16,790
Yeah, I was 12.
376
00:24:16,873 --> 00:24:18,500
You said he was a virgin.
377
00:24:18,583 --> 00:24:22,671
I think we drink virgin blood
because it sounds cool.
378
00:24:22,754 --> 00:24:24,339
I think of it like this.
379
00:24:24,422 --> 00:24:26,716
If you're going to eat a sandwich,
380
00:24:27,217 --> 00:24:28,844
you would just enjoy it more
381
00:24:28,927 --> 00:24:31,054
if you knew no one had fucked it.
382
00:24:31,138 --> 00:24:33,598
Let's concentrate
on Josephine then.
383
00:24:33,682 --> 00:24:35,183
Are you a virgin?
384
00:24:35,267 --> 00:24:36,393
I'm not, no.
385
00:24:36,476 --> 00:24:38,019
Okay, I'm really sorry
386
00:24:38,103 --> 00:24:41,148
because I totally pinned her as a virgin.
387
00:24:41,231 --> 00:24:44,317
She looks like a virgin,
she talks like a virgin. I mean...
388
00:24:44,860 --> 00:24:46,862
Who would have sex with her? I wouldn't.
389
00:24:47,362 --> 00:24:48,530
I would.
390
00:24:49,364 --> 00:24:50,365
Oh.
391
00:24:52,367 --> 00:24:53,535
Thank you.
392
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:54,786
Okay, there's two dinners.
393
00:24:54,870 --> 00:24:55,954
- Yum.
- Nick.
394
00:24:56,705 --> 00:24:58,582
Do you like biz-ghetti?
395
00:24:59,082 --> 00:25:00,792
Uh... Yep. Usually like it.
396
00:25:01,168 --> 00:25:03,211
But be better if it was warm.
397
00:25:03,295 --> 00:25:05,046
So this is my favorite trick.
398
00:25:05,130 --> 00:25:08,466
We present our guest
with a plate of biz-ghetti.
399
00:25:09,050 --> 00:25:12,512
And then I will say,
"Why don't you eat some biz-ghetti?"
400
00:25:12,929 --> 00:25:15,557
Please, Nick, eat some biz-ghetti.
401
00:25:17,684 --> 00:25:21,438
I didn't realize
you enjoyed eating worms, Nick.
402
00:25:21,521 --> 00:25:23,440
- No. No.
- They are worms.
403
00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:26,943
There's worms
wriggling around on my plate.
404
00:25:27,027 --> 00:25:28,296
It is wormlike,
but not actually worms.
405
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:29,487
This is merely biz-ghetti.
406
00:25:29,571 --> 00:25:31,823
We stole that idea
from The Lost Boys.
407
00:25:31,907 --> 00:25:33,491
But I put a nice twist on it.
408
00:25:33,575 --> 00:25:35,493
Nick, how did it feel
409
00:25:35,577 --> 00:25:37,412
to have a snake for a penis?
410
00:25:39,915 --> 00:25:42,500
Jackie, my penis has disappeared.
There's a cobra snake.
411
00:25:42,584 --> 00:25:44,228
- Penis trick.
- No one's gonna mistake your penis
412
00:25:44,252 --> 00:25:45,462
for a cobra, Nick, okay?
413
00:25:45,545 --> 00:25:46,898
- Believe you me.
- What did you put in my spaghetti?
414
00:25:46,922 --> 00:25:49,424
No, it is just a normal penis.
415
00:25:49,925 --> 00:25:51,134
I'm out. I'm out.
416
00:25:52,469 --> 00:25:54,971
Josephine, do you like biz-ghetti?
417
00:25:57,891 --> 00:26:00,477
Look, these freaks spike my spaghetti,
418
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:01,978
make my cock turn into a snake.
419
00:26:02,062 --> 00:26:03,939
This is not cool. Not cool.
420
00:26:10,862 --> 00:26:12,280
You don't think this is weird?
421
00:26:13,823 --> 00:26:15,158
For fuck's sakes.
422
00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:22,791
Jackie!
423
00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:24,292
Jackie!
424
00:26:24,918 --> 00:26:25,919
Sorry, Nick.
425
00:26:26,002 --> 00:26:27,087
What are you doing?
426
00:26:28,213 --> 00:26:29,422
Jackie!
427
00:26:34,469 --> 00:26:36,012
Shit! Shit!
428
00:26:42,352 --> 00:26:44,104
What the fuck?
429
00:26:46,231 --> 00:26:47,983
Nah. Nah.
430
00:27:03,790 --> 00:27:04,916
Fuck off.
431
00:27:09,504 --> 00:27:10,672
Where am I?
432
00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:34,404
Fuck.
433
00:27:37,115 --> 00:27:38,116
Fuck!
434
00:27:48,626 --> 00:27:49,878
Freaks!
435
00:27:59,721 --> 00:28:02,891
Oh, no, Petyr got him.
436
00:28:02,974 --> 00:28:04,559
Poor guy.
437
00:28:05,060 --> 00:28:06,686
Who let Petyr out?
438
00:29:05,829 --> 00:29:06,830
Hey, guys!
439
00:29:08,456 --> 00:29:09,999
Hey, what are you guys doing?
440
00:29:10,750 --> 00:29:12,210
What are you doing, Nick?
441
00:29:12,293 --> 00:29:14,003
Come into the house.
442
00:29:15,046 --> 00:29:16,816
- Hi, my name is Nick.
- Hey, guys. What are you up to?
443
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:18,425
I've been a vampire for two months.
444
00:29:20,218 --> 00:29:23,721
Probably, I reckon the best thing
about being a vampire is flying.
445
00:29:23,805 --> 00:29:24,973
Like I've always wanted to...
446
00:29:25,056 --> 00:29:26,450
I think everyone has always wanted to fly,
447
00:29:26,474 --> 00:29:28,309
and now I can do it.
448
00:29:38,653 --> 00:29:41,364
Nick, why don't you use the front door?
449
00:29:42,157 --> 00:29:43,533
Why would I? I'm flying.
450
00:29:44,242 --> 00:29:45,368
Petyr bit me,
451
00:29:45,660 --> 00:29:46,744
sucked all my blood out.
452
00:29:46,828 --> 00:29:49,831
I woke up in his basement,
and he offered me some blood.
453
00:29:50,331 --> 00:29:51,611
I just thought it was something,
454
00:29:51,666 --> 00:29:53,460
some German thing that these guys do.
455
00:29:53,793 --> 00:29:56,880
This transition into becoming
a vampire was pretty hard.
456
00:29:57,422 --> 00:29:58,649
I looked like shit to start off with.
457
00:29:58,673 --> 00:30:01,509
I had a massive gash in my neck.
458
00:30:02,051 --> 00:30:03,487
You could see the inside of my neck.
459
00:30:03,511 --> 00:30:04,846
I had blood all over my top.
460
00:30:05,763 --> 00:30:07,974
And then I came home,
and I was sweating.
461
00:30:08,057 --> 00:30:09,934
I was either really hot or really cold.
462
00:30:10,018 --> 00:30:12,979
It was like a hangover times 10,
I reckon. It was really bad.
463
00:30:19,819 --> 00:30:22,030
It was quite similar to having the flu,
464
00:30:22,113 --> 00:30:23,833
except the only difference
would probably be
465
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:25,867
that my eyes bleed heaps.
466
00:30:27,827 --> 00:30:29,245
Are you guys not cold?
467
00:30:29,871 --> 00:30:30,890
I don't know, I can't explain it.
468
00:30:30,914 --> 00:30:32,957
It was just... Yeah, just real hot and cold
469
00:30:33,041 --> 00:30:35,543
and bloody eyes and flying and stuff.
470
00:30:36,085 --> 00:30:38,379
The neighbors can see you
flying around the house.
471
00:30:38,463 --> 00:30:40,263
You want to draw attention
to this house, hmm?
472
00:30:40,298 --> 00:30:42,675
You've got a whole documentary
crew following you around.
473
00:30:42,759 --> 00:30:44,719
I am doing an erotic dance
for my friends,
474
00:30:44,802 --> 00:30:45,887
and you ruined it.
475
00:30:45,970 --> 00:30:47,096
I was in the zone.
476
00:30:47,180 --> 00:30:48,473
My friends were loving it.
477
00:30:48,556 --> 00:30:50,242
I love it. I saw the end of it.
It looked great.
478
00:30:50,266 --> 00:30:53,353
I don't know if I'm being...
If I'm accepted yet.
479
00:30:53,436 --> 00:30:55,772
But, I don't know,
I think it's getting there.
480
00:30:55,855 --> 00:30:57,917
I know they're old and stuff,
but they're quite naive
481
00:30:57,941 --> 00:30:59,317
when it comes to the real world.
482
00:30:59,901 --> 00:31:03,404
So, I don't know,
it'll be cool to just hang out with them.
483
00:31:03,488 --> 00:31:04,548
They can teach me some stuff.
484
00:31:04,572 --> 00:31:06,616
I can probably teach them a few things.
485
00:31:14,082 --> 00:31:17,335
At the start it was like,
"Oh, no, I'm dead."
486
00:31:17,919 --> 00:31:19,671
It's kind of affected my friendship
487
00:31:19,754 --> 00:31:21,923
with normal people, my family and stuff.
488
00:31:22,006 --> 00:31:24,592
But the way I see it,
I've got a whole new family.
489
00:31:24,676 --> 00:31:26,052
They accept me for who I am,
490
00:31:26,135 --> 00:31:27,535
and I accept them for who they are.
491
00:31:29,430 --> 00:31:31,891
Even though one of them killed me.
492
00:31:31,975 --> 00:31:33,476
Where should we go tonight?
493
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:34,644
Let's go to The Big Kumara.
494
00:31:34,727 --> 00:31:35,788
Why don't we go
to Boogie Wonderland?
495
00:31:35,812 --> 00:31:37,522
We never get into Boogie Wonderland.
496
00:31:37,605 --> 00:31:39,941
No. My friend Richie is the bouncer.
He can get us in.
497
00:31:40,024 --> 00:31:42,360
- What? Really?
- He'll invite us in.
498
00:31:42,443 --> 00:31:43,861
Stu is keen. Stu loves it.
499
00:31:43,945 --> 00:31:45,280
Who? Is that Stu?
500
00:31:45,363 --> 00:31:46,698
Uh, this is my friend Stu.
501
00:31:46,781 --> 00:31:47,781
- Hey.
- Hey.
502
00:31:47,824 --> 00:31:49,826
He works in computers and stuff.
503
00:31:49,909 --> 00:31:51,469
Originally, he went out with my sister,
504
00:31:51,494 --> 00:31:53,037
and then they broke up.
505
00:31:53,121 --> 00:31:54,289
I didn't really get into it.
506
00:31:54,372 --> 00:31:56,791
It's got nothing to do with me. And...
507
00:31:56,874 --> 00:31:58,418
You can't hear me.
508
00:32:00,295 --> 00:32:02,213
All right. So, basically,
509
00:32:02,297 --> 00:32:03,737
Stu doesn't know that I'm a vampire,
510
00:32:04,132 --> 00:32:06,342
and he doesn't know
that my friends are vampires.
511
00:32:06,426 --> 00:32:09,053
He just thinks that
I've just met some colorful friends.
512
00:32:09,137 --> 00:32:10,305
This is jasmine.
513
00:32:10,388 --> 00:32:11,448
I brought him round to the house,
514
00:32:11,472 --> 00:32:14,684
and they all thought
I'd brought a meal for everyone.
515
00:32:14,767 --> 00:32:19,188
It just really, really sucks
that I can't eat him.
516
00:32:19,731 --> 00:32:22,900
I just want to... Ah!
517
00:32:22,984 --> 00:32:25,153
Look at it. He's the reddest guy I know.
518
00:32:26,112 --> 00:32:27,363
All right. You can hear me.
519
00:32:28,364 --> 00:32:30,450
You like computer-based stuff, mainly?
520
00:32:30,533 --> 00:32:32,535
- Yeah. Geo databases.
- Yeah.
521
00:32:32,619 --> 00:32:34,162
Yeah. Computers mainly.
522
00:32:35,538 --> 00:32:38,958
Let's have a vote. For Boogie
Wonderland or The Big Kumara.
523
00:32:39,334 --> 00:32:40,710
Big Kumara.
524
00:32:42,754 --> 00:32:44,130
- Right.
- Great.
525
00:32:45,089 --> 00:32:46,674
Careful, Stu. Hurry up.
526
00:32:47,508 --> 00:32:50,637
I don't think Nick should have
been turned into a vampire.
527
00:32:52,013 --> 00:32:53,473
He's such a dick.
528
00:32:54,474 --> 00:32:56,074
How are you, brother?
Looking great, man.
529
00:32:56,142 --> 00:32:58,936
Gentlemen, you are most welcome.
530
00:33:06,611 --> 00:33:08,112
We're in Boogie Wonderland!
531
00:33:08,196 --> 00:33:10,948
So here we are at Boogie Wonderland,
532
00:33:11,032 --> 00:33:14,369
and it is so much fun.
533
00:33:14,452 --> 00:33:15,953
They have an electric floor.
534
00:33:16,037 --> 00:33:17,413
This is amazing!
535
00:33:17,497 --> 00:33:19,374
I'm just so happy to be here.
536
00:33:20,083 --> 00:33:21,793
This place is pretty cheesy.
537
00:33:21,876 --> 00:33:24,003
Also, did you see the jacket he wore?
538
00:33:24,796 --> 00:33:26,798
He's wearing the same jacket as me.
539
00:33:26,881 --> 00:33:28,025
Not exactly the same. It's...
540
00:33:28,049 --> 00:33:29,133
It's pretty close.
541
00:33:35,056 --> 00:33:36,349
What? Of course not.
542
00:33:36,432 --> 00:33:38,643
I'm just loving being a vampire
at the moment.
543
00:33:44,315 --> 00:33:46,818
There's the Fat Ladies Arms,
544
00:33:46,901 --> 00:33:48,903
on Wednesdays they do
a Fear Factor competition.
545
00:33:49,404 --> 00:33:51,204
You can win T-shirts
and hats and spot prizes.
546
00:33:52,740 --> 00:33:54,617
I can smell werewolves.
547
00:33:54,909 --> 00:33:56,828
We're just about to
walk past some werewolves,
548
00:33:56,911 --> 00:33:58,830
so some shit might go down.
549
00:33:58,913 --> 00:34:01,290
Look out, guys.
Don't catch fleas.
550
00:34:01,457 --> 00:34:02,750
- What's that, mate?
- Deacon.
551
00:34:02,834 --> 00:34:04,585
- Sorry, what?
- Keep going, keep walking.
552
00:34:04,669 --> 00:34:06,563
What? We heard that, mate.
We've got sensitive hearing.
553
00:34:06,587 --> 00:34:07,588
- Have you?
- Yeah.
554
00:34:07,672 --> 00:34:09,400
What are you filming?
Is it a music video, is it?
555
00:34:09,424 --> 00:34:11,300
We don't want any trouble.
556
00:34:11,384 --> 00:34:12,611
Well, then why did you start it then?
557
00:34:12,635 --> 00:34:14,512
I do. Have I got your heckles up, huh?
558
00:34:14,595 --> 00:34:16,848
Why don't you go
smell your own crotches, huh?
559
00:34:16,931 --> 00:34:18,492
- Come on, Deacon. Stop it.
- What are you talking about?
560
00:34:18,516 --> 00:34:20,101
We don't smell our own crotches.
561
00:34:20,184 --> 00:34:21,686
We smell each other's crotches.
562
00:34:21,769 --> 00:34:23,396
And it's a form of greeting.
563
00:34:23,479 --> 00:34:25,082
You're on camera, mate.
Don't... Don't do it.
564
00:34:25,106 --> 00:34:27,191
- What?
- It's okay, 'cause I know this guy.
565
00:34:27,275 --> 00:34:28,443
It's Count Fagula.
566
00:34:29,944 --> 00:34:31,446
Hey, hey, hey. Don't swear.
567
00:34:31,571 --> 00:34:32,571
Sorry, they...
568
00:34:32,613 --> 00:34:33,674
Yeah? We're werewolves,
not swear-wolves.
569
00:34:33,698 --> 00:34:34,699
What are we?
570
00:34:34,782 --> 00:34:36,117
Werewolves not swear-wolves.
571
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:37,344
- "Faggot" is not a swear word.
- No.
572
00:34:37,368 --> 00:34:38,595
That's a very offensive word
to call people.
573
00:34:38,619 --> 00:34:39,972
It's offensive, but is it a swear word?
574
00:34:39,996 --> 00:34:42,331
Well, unless you're talking
about a bundle of sticks.
575
00:34:42,415 --> 00:34:44,751
Chase this bundle of sticks, werewolves.
576
00:34:44,834 --> 00:34:46,270
No, no, no.
It's not real. It's just...
577
00:34:46,294 --> 00:34:47,646
Don't get it! Nathan, it's not real.
578
00:34:47,670 --> 00:34:49,606
- He's just going to take off his gloves.
- All right.
579
00:34:49,630 --> 00:34:52,341
Oh! Shit, man.
What the fuck did you do that for?
580
00:34:52,425 --> 00:34:54,745
Hey! Don't swear. We're gonna lose it.
We're gonna lose it.
581
00:34:55,386 --> 00:34:56,447
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, calm down.
582
00:34:56,471 --> 00:34:58,741
- Calm down. Dion. Dion.
- Shit, I've still got my glasses.
583
00:34:58,765 --> 00:35:00,558
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
- Hey, hey.
584
00:35:04,312 --> 00:35:05,497
Do the breathing. Do the breathing.
585
00:35:05,521 --> 00:35:06,647
Okay. Do the breathing.
586
00:35:06,731 --> 00:35:08,000
Count to 10, mate.
That's all right. Come on.
587
00:35:08,024 --> 00:35:09,376
- Count to 10, human again.
- Hold it.
588
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:10,735
Count to 10, human again.
589
00:35:10,818 --> 00:35:11,861
Count to 10, human again.
590
00:35:11,944 --> 00:35:13,005
It's all right. It's not a full moon.
591
00:35:13,029 --> 00:35:14,989
Thanks a lot, guys.
Enjoy your night. Yeah.
592
00:35:15,072 --> 00:35:16,508
Should be ashamed of yourselves, man.
593
00:35:16,532 --> 00:35:18,075
Great. We didn't want this to happen.
594
00:35:24,832 --> 00:35:26,125
Come on, guys.
595
00:35:26,209 --> 00:35:28,211
Hey, say it,
don't spray it, bitch.
596
00:35:28,294 --> 00:35:29,295
Clifton!
597
00:35:29,378 --> 00:35:30,755
Why are you swearing all the time?
598
00:35:30,838 --> 00:35:32,173
Well, he riled me up.
599
00:35:32,256 --> 00:35:33,758
- Were they actually werewolves?
- Ja.
600
00:35:33,841 --> 00:35:35,092
Are you okay, Stu?
601
00:35:37,762 --> 00:35:40,765
I just don't really know
how to approach this,
602
00:35:40,848 --> 00:35:42,168
'cause I've never done it before.
603
00:35:42,850 --> 00:35:46,729
Um... And he is a good friend,
and I don't want to...
604
00:35:46,813 --> 00:35:48,773
I don't want to break that friendship.
605
00:35:48,856 --> 00:35:50,399
But, then again, what do you do
606
00:35:50,483 --> 00:35:52,283
when someone tells you
that they're a vampire?
607
00:35:53,361 --> 00:35:56,280
I'm expecting him to be angry.
He might be scared.
608
00:35:56,364 --> 00:35:59,116
I'm expecting a lot of things
to bubble to the surface.
609
00:35:59,951 --> 00:36:01,869
You probably notice there's been...
610
00:36:01,953 --> 00:36:04,914
I've been going through
a few changes lately.
611
00:36:06,207 --> 00:36:07,875
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah?
612
00:36:08,334 --> 00:36:11,379
Like I don't show up for lunch anymore.
613
00:36:12,088 --> 00:36:13,089
Yeah.
614
00:36:13,172 --> 00:36:16,300
And how I've changed
all our tennis games
615
00:36:16,384 --> 00:36:17,552
to nighttime tennis games.
616
00:36:17,635 --> 00:36:18,719
Right.
617
00:36:19,095 --> 00:36:21,389
And how you went
from beating me every time,
618
00:36:21,472 --> 00:36:24,058
and now how I've won the last three?
619
00:36:25,893 --> 00:36:27,103
Yeah.
620
00:36:27,186 --> 00:36:29,689
So, the reason I brought you here
621
00:36:30,523 --> 00:36:34,443
is to tell you that I'm a vampire.
622
00:36:38,656 --> 00:36:40,366
Stu took it pretty well.
623
00:36:40,449 --> 00:36:43,411
He's definitely my best mate,
and I'm not gonna eat him.
624
00:36:43,494 --> 00:36:46,289
If they ever offer you spaghetti, um,
625
00:36:46,372 --> 00:36:47,707
you shouldn't eat it.
626
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,377
I think they offered me biscotti.
627
00:36:51,460 --> 00:36:53,212
Vampire mates don't eat human mates.
628
00:36:53,629 --> 00:36:55,673
And no matter
how much I wanted to eat him,
629
00:36:55,756 --> 00:36:57,758
I'll never eat him because he's my mate.
630
00:36:57,842 --> 00:36:58,885
Eh, Stu?
631
00:36:58,968 --> 00:37:00,011
Yeah.
632
00:37:00,303 --> 00:37:01,429
Yeah.
633
00:37:03,139 --> 00:37:05,766
Stu is great.
634
00:37:06,893 --> 00:37:08,269
We really like him.
635
00:37:08,352 --> 00:37:10,438
At first I wanted to kill him,
636
00:37:10,938 --> 00:37:14,525
but now I'm glad
I spent the time to get to know him.
637
00:37:14,609 --> 00:37:18,779
Ja, of course he looks delicious,
with his big red cheeks.
638
00:37:18,863 --> 00:37:20,406
But we've all got an agreement
639
00:37:20,489 --> 00:37:22,700
that we're not going to eat Stu.
640
00:37:22,783 --> 00:37:23,951
- Right?
- Right.
641
00:37:24,327 --> 00:37:26,537
The guys upstairs, they're loving him.
642
00:37:27,163 --> 00:37:28,623
At the start they were a bit,
643
00:37:28,706 --> 00:37:30,791
"Who is this human
you're bringing into the house?"
644
00:37:30,875 --> 00:37:32,435
But it took them literally two minutes,
645
00:37:32,501 --> 00:37:34,670
and they like him more
than they like me, I reckon.
646
00:37:35,129 --> 00:37:37,298
I am knitting a scarf for Stu.
647
00:37:37,965 --> 00:37:40,217
- Try and attack. Use your legs.
- Okay.
648
00:37:42,053 --> 00:37:43,137
Wow!
649
00:37:43,262 --> 00:37:44,889
- Step back, and block...
- Okay.
650
00:37:44,972 --> 00:37:47,391
And punching high. Yep.
651
00:37:47,475 --> 00:37:49,060
- Hi.
- Yep.
652
00:37:49,143 --> 00:37:50,937
I'm just... What I'm trying to say is,
653
00:37:51,020 --> 00:37:52,647
'cause I know that you...
654
00:37:52,730 --> 00:37:53,940
You turned me into a vampire.
655
00:37:54,315 --> 00:37:56,150
Maybe don't do that to him.
656
00:37:56,233 --> 00:37:58,069
He's a vegetarian.
657
00:37:58,152 --> 00:38:01,322
The last thing
he'd want to do is eat a live being,
658
00:38:01,405 --> 00:38:02,445
or eat blood, or eat meat.
659
00:38:03,783 --> 00:38:05,576
- I am controlling this.
- Get it. Get it.
660
00:38:05,660 --> 00:38:07,203
It's quite amazing to see
661
00:38:07,286 --> 00:38:10,039
how far technology can go forward
662
00:38:10,122 --> 00:38:11,749
if you're not paying attention.
663
00:38:13,876 --> 00:38:15,503
"One message received."
664
00:38:15,878 --> 00:38:17,546
Oh!
665
00:38:19,674 --> 00:38:22,093
"There is
a crucifix behind you."
666
00:38:22,510 --> 00:38:23,594
So, down on that one.
667
00:38:23,678 --> 00:38:25,179
Halfway down will focus it.
668
00:38:25,262 --> 00:38:26,389
Maybe smile.
669
00:38:31,143 --> 00:38:33,771
- Anything you want to find, you...
- Yeah.
670
00:38:33,854 --> 00:38:35,690
- You can type in...
- You write it into this.
671
00:38:35,773 --> 00:38:40,653
I had lost a really nice silk scarf
in about 1912.
672
00:38:40,736 --> 00:38:41,904
Yes, now Google it.
673
00:38:41,988 --> 00:38:46,409
Stu is the first human friend
that I've had for a long time.
674
00:38:46,492 --> 00:38:49,453
With humans, there's a tendency to die.
675
00:38:50,913 --> 00:38:51,956
Yeah.
676
00:38:52,039 --> 00:38:53,249
We can look at her photos.
677
00:38:53,708 --> 00:38:56,127
- Oh, yes.
- Or we could poke her.
678
00:38:58,379 --> 00:38:59,630
Yes.
679
00:38:59,714 --> 00:39:01,924
Can we see
a movie of a sunrise?
680
00:39:03,926 --> 00:39:05,428
Oh shit.
681
00:39:05,511 --> 00:39:06,887
Ooh! Nice.
682
00:39:06,971 --> 00:39:10,307
If we push "Images,"
then we can see pictures of virgins.
683
00:39:10,391 --> 00:39:12,226
- Ja, ja, ja.
- Yes.
684
00:39:14,228 --> 00:39:15,271
No, go back. Go back.
685
00:39:15,354 --> 00:39:18,399
I don't think she's a virgin
if she's doing that.
686
00:39:32,246 --> 00:39:36,083
There he is, yeah.
This is my old servant, Phillip.
687
00:39:36,167 --> 00:39:37,168
So we're gonna call him.
688
00:39:37,251 --> 00:39:38,252
Ja.
689
00:39:40,004 --> 00:39:41,589
And maximize the screen.
690
00:39:45,676 --> 00:39:47,237
My God, that's him.
That's him. That's him.
691
00:39:47,261 --> 00:39:49,263
That's Phillip. That's Phillip.
He looks so old.
692
00:40:37,144 --> 00:40:39,939
Just click that. Yeah, that one.
693
00:41:22,356 --> 00:41:24,066
...data about where things are.
694
00:41:24,150 --> 00:41:25,442
Oh, like, Google Maps stuff?
695
00:41:25,526 --> 00:41:26,861
Yeah, kind of like Google Maps,
696
00:41:26,944 --> 00:41:29,697
but more layers of information.
697
00:41:29,780 --> 00:41:30,882
The movie Twilight. Have you seen it?
698
00:41:30,906 --> 00:41:31,907
Yeah.
699
00:41:31,991 --> 00:41:34,118
Okay, I'm the main guy in Twilight.
700
00:41:34,201 --> 00:41:36,537
You know the main guy? Twilight?
701
00:41:36,620 --> 00:41:37,621
That's me.
702
00:41:37,705 --> 00:41:38,849
There's cameras
following me around.
703
00:41:38,873 --> 00:41:40,040
They could've chosen anyone.
704
00:41:40,124 --> 00:41:42,251
How many people
have you told you are a vampire?
705
00:41:42,334 --> 00:41:43,334
Not many.
706
00:41:43,377 --> 00:41:45,629
I heard that girl talking about it.
707
00:41:45,713 --> 00:41:47,464
She said you're a vampire.
708
00:41:47,548 --> 00:41:48,548
Yeah, I told her.
709
00:41:48,591 --> 00:41:50,301
- Who else?
- Who did you tell?
710
00:41:50,384 --> 00:41:51,760
Uh... I told her hot friend.
711
00:41:51,844 --> 00:41:53,196
You can't tell everyone that you're
712
00:41:53,220 --> 00:41:54,471
a vampire.
713
00:41:54,555 --> 00:41:56,056
Who is that guy?
714
00:41:56,140 --> 00:41:57,617
- I don't know, but I trust him.
- Oh!
715
00:41:57,641 --> 00:41:59,202
- Keep it under your hat.
- You can't tell everyone.
716
00:41:59,226 --> 00:42:00,226
All right, I won't.
717
00:42:00,269 --> 00:42:01,270
I'm a vampire!
718
00:42:03,689 --> 00:42:04,940
Vampire!
719
00:42:05,024 --> 00:42:07,067
Yeah, got a bit of a eye condition.
720
00:42:07,359 --> 00:42:08,777
What's wrong with them?
721
00:42:08,861 --> 00:42:11,155
Uh, vampire eyes. Can't go into the sun.
722
00:42:11,780 --> 00:42:14,742
Oh, my God, are they your fangs?
For real?
723
00:42:14,825 --> 00:42:17,786
For real real. It's too real real.
724
00:42:17,870 --> 00:42:19,079
I'm a vampire, though.
725
00:42:19,163 --> 00:42:20,456
- You're a vampire?
- Yeah.
726
00:42:20,539 --> 00:42:22,291
I'm a vampire hunter, man.
727
00:42:22,374 --> 00:42:23,375
No, you're not.
728
00:42:23,459 --> 00:42:25,085
- I am.
- Fuck you, piece of shit.
729
00:42:25,169 --> 00:42:26,754
I'll Skype you.
730
00:42:26,837 --> 00:42:28,672
I can float. I can transform into stuff.
731
00:42:28,756 --> 00:42:30,007
Same.
732
00:42:30,090 --> 00:42:31,175
No, you can't.
733
00:42:31,258 --> 00:42:32,718
Yeah. I'll show you.
734
00:42:33,677 --> 00:42:35,763
You show me.
Show me some of your vampire stuff.
735
00:42:35,888 --> 00:42:36,972
What have I got? Um...
736
00:42:42,770 --> 00:42:44,688
Don't lie about transforming into shit.
737
00:42:51,779 --> 00:42:52,947
Twilight!
738
00:42:53,030 --> 00:42:54,114
Shut up, Nick!
739
00:42:54,823 --> 00:42:56,200
You're not Twilight.
740
00:42:56,283 --> 00:42:58,369
- What's your problem?
- You are my problem.
741
00:42:58,577 --> 00:43:00,287
Telling the world that we are vampires.
742
00:43:00,371 --> 00:43:01,431
And I'll tell the whole world
743
00:43:01,455 --> 00:43:02,557
that you're an asshole now, as well.
744
00:43:02,581 --> 00:43:03,832
Shut up!
745
00:43:04,500 --> 00:43:05,501
- You shut up!
- Guys...
746
00:43:05,584 --> 00:43:06,728
- You shut up!
- No, you shut up!
747
00:43:06,752 --> 00:43:08,045
- No, you shut up.
- You shut up.
748
00:43:08,128 --> 00:43:09,129
I'm Dracula, man!
749
00:43:09,213 --> 00:43:10,523
- You're not Dracula!
- I'm Dracula, man!
750
00:43:10,547 --> 00:43:13,259
You don't even
know who Dracula is, you idiot!
751
00:43:16,929 --> 00:43:18,089
- Ooh! Bat fight!
- Bat fight!
752
00:43:27,606 --> 00:43:29,149
Oh, Deacon!
753
00:43:30,109 --> 00:43:32,111
That wasn't fair, man.
754
00:43:32,194 --> 00:43:33,404
My fuckin' jacket, man.
755
00:43:33,487 --> 00:43:35,614
I don't care about
your stupid jacket.
756
00:43:37,324 --> 00:43:38,575
Deacon!
757
00:43:38,659 --> 00:43:39,827
Are you okay, mate?
758
00:43:56,010 --> 00:43:57,970
- Hey, Stu?
- Mmm-hmm?
759
00:43:58,053 --> 00:43:59,221
How's your worms?
760
00:44:01,515 --> 00:44:02,599
What?
761
00:44:02,683 --> 00:44:04,351
You're eating worms.
762
00:44:08,856 --> 00:44:11,859
Can you do that shit
where you turn it into worms?
763
00:44:11,942 --> 00:44:12,943
No, it...
764
00:44:13,027 --> 00:44:14,111
Doesn't work on chips.
765
00:44:14,194 --> 00:44:15,195
Only works on things
766
00:44:15,279 --> 00:44:17,239
that already look like worms.
767
00:44:17,323 --> 00:44:19,116
Maybe noodles.
Do you want some noodles?
768
00:44:19,199 --> 00:44:20,784
But he knows now.
769
00:44:22,202 --> 00:44:24,121
Oh, no, I wouldn't eat that.
770
00:44:27,207 --> 00:44:28,208
Why?
771
00:44:38,469 --> 00:44:39,845
Are you okay, Nick?
772
00:44:41,221 --> 00:44:42,556
All right?
773
00:44:49,063 --> 00:44:50,773
He ate a chip.
774
00:44:50,856 --> 00:44:52,691
I can't eat salads now. Great.
775
00:44:52,775 --> 00:44:55,778
What, I can't sunbathe.
I can't watch daytime TV.
776
00:44:55,861 --> 00:44:57,780
I can if I... Yeah, I guess I could.
777
00:44:58,072 --> 00:44:59,990
More than anything it's just the chips.
778
00:45:00,074 --> 00:45:01,909
It's my favorite food. I can't eat chips.
779
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:05,329
This is... I don't... It's just I hate...
780
00:45:05,746 --> 00:45:07,748
I'll say it. I'm over being a vampire.
It's shit.
781
00:45:08,374 --> 00:45:10,125
So, don't believe the hype.
782
00:45:27,393 --> 00:45:28,560
Jackie!
783
00:45:30,979 --> 00:45:32,314
Jackie, can I come in, please?
784
00:45:32,398 --> 00:45:33,440
Okay, off to bed, guys.
785
00:45:33,524 --> 00:45:34,525
Hello, children.
786
00:45:34,608 --> 00:45:36,378
- Don't look at the man.
- Hey, little killdies.
787
00:45:36,402 --> 00:45:38,404
Natasha, don't look at the man.
788
00:45:39,947 --> 00:45:41,227
I was going to bite you tonight.
789
00:45:41,281 --> 00:45:42,491
Really?
790
00:45:42,574 --> 00:45:45,786
But now I can't because there's
this Nick being a vampire.
791
00:45:45,869 --> 00:45:48,098
Sorry, I thought you killed him
two months ago, didn't you?
792
00:45:48,122 --> 00:45:49,873
No, I didn't. No, he's a vampire.
793
00:45:49,957 --> 00:45:50,999
What do you mean?
794
00:45:51,083 --> 00:45:52,709
He jumped in front of your place.
795
00:45:54,253 --> 00:45:56,338
All I'm saying is that, um,
796
00:45:56,964 --> 00:45:58,048
you know, if I had a penis,
797
00:45:58,132 --> 00:46:00,801
I would have been bitten years ago.
798
00:46:00,884 --> 00:46:02,511
I may have to penalize you.
799
00:46:03,929 --> 00:46:07,349
Perhaps another couple of years.
Perhaps 10 years. Hmm?
800
00:46:07,433 --> 00:46:10,018
Like one big circle
just biting each other's dicks.
801
00:46:10,102 --> 00:46:12,104
They don't even wear shirts.
They wear blouses.
802
00:46:12,187 --> 00:46:15,399
It's just this big
homoerotic dick-biting club,
803
00:46:15,482 --> 00:46:18,694
and I'm stuck here
ironing their fuckin' frills.
804
00:46:18,777 --> 00:46:20,779
Also clean the bathroom, please.
805
00:46:20,863 --> 00:46:22,948
There's blood everywhere.
It is gruesome.
806
00:46:23,574 --> 00:46:25,659
Okay, see you tomorrow.
807
00:46:30,330 --> 00:46:31,665
Off to bed, please.
808
00:46:45,012 --> 00:46:46,555
Katherine.
809
00:46:47,097 --> 00:46:50,851
She was so charming and nice.
She was everything I wanted.
810
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,521
Unfortunately, ja, she was married.
811
00:46:55,814 --> 00:46:57,816
Sure, I wanted to kill the guy.
812
00:46:57,900 --> 00:47:00,277
I thought about chopping his head off,
813
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:03,780
draining him of every drop of blood
that he had.
814
00:47:03,864 --> 00:47:05,115
Who wouldn't?
815
00:47:06,283 --> 00:47:09,620
But then I also saw how happy she was,
816
00:47:10,829 --> 00:47:12,956
and that made me kind of happy.
817
00:47:14,374 --> 00:47:16,084
And I didn't want to ruin it for her,
818
00:47:16,168 --> 00:47:18,712
so I did the honorable thing,
819
00:47:18,795 --> 00:47:23,509
and I just stepped back,
and let her live her life.
820
00:47:45,531 --> 00:47:46,633
...coming from Petyr's room.
821
00:47:46,657 --> 00:47:47,658
What?
822
00:47:49,368 --> 00:47:50,536
Petyr!
823
00:47:51,245 --> 00:47:52,788
Petyr!
824
00:47:52,913 --> 00:47:54,331
Where is it? Petyr!
825
00:47:54,414 --> 00:47:56,291
- Petyr!
- Petyr!
826
00:47:57,876 --> 00:47:59,503
Petyr! Get water!
827
00:47:59,586 --> 00:48:01,588
Petyr, get out of the sunlight.
828
00:48:01,672 --> 00:48:03,006
Water! Get water!
829
00:48:03,090 --> 00:48:05,592
- Get water!
- Petyr, get away from the sunlight.
830
00:48:05,676 --> 00:48:08,971
Get in the shadows.
Petyr, get out of the sunlight.
831
00:48:09,054 --> 00:48:11,765
Get out of my way!
832
00:48:12,641 --> 00:48:13,892
- I'm going in!
- No.
833
00:48:13,976 --> 00:48:14,977
I'm coming, Petyr!
834
00:48:15,060 --> 00:48:17,020
- Deacon, no, it's sunlight!
- I'm coming for you!
835
00:48:17,104 --> 00:48:18,772
It's sunlight out there!
836
00:48:18,855 --> 00:48:21,984
It's sunlight! It's sunlight!
837
00:48:27,906 --> 00:48:29,616
I was too late.
838
00:48:38,458 --> 00:48:40,294
Turn that thing off.
839
00:48:41,086 --> 00:48:42,462
Our friend has just been killed
840
00:48:42,546 --> 00:48:44,339
in a fatal sunlight accident.
841
00:48:59,354 --> 00:49:01,648
So this is what
I think happened.
842
00:49:01,732 --> 00:49:05,652
The Vampire Hunter
has broken through the window here,
843
00:49:06,653 --> 00:49:10,490
has impacted the table,
breaking the table leg.
844
00:49:10,574 --> 00:49:12,326
Then he has come this way,
845
00:49:13,035 --> 00:49:14,077
towards the tomb.
846
00:49:16,204 --> 00:49:18,832
Crucifix! Cover the crucifix!
847
00:49:21,752 --> 00:49:25,505
And then Petyr has burst from the tomb,
848
00:49:25,589 --> 00:49:29,009
pushed the tomb lid
onto the Vampire Hunter,
849
00:49:29,092 --> 00:49:31,720
and then the sunlight
has come through here
850
00:49:31,803 --> 00:49:33,555
and burned Petyr alive.
851
00:49:34,306 --> 00:49:37,643
I think this is just a table leg,
which is sanded down.
852
00:49:37,726 --> 00:49:39,436
Do you think he hand-sanded that or...
853
00:49:39,519 --> 00:49:41,855
- Yes. Imagine that stuck in your...
- Your leg.
854
00:49:42,439 --> 00:49:44,524
It's quite shocking
down here, Nick.
855
00:49:44,608 --> 00:49:47,903
Look, here's our sweet Petyr
856
00:49:47,986 --> 00:49:50,113
- burned to a sizzle.
- Oh! Fuck. Yeah.
857
00:49:50,197 --> 00:49:51,365
I can't figure out this.
858
00:49:51,490 --> 00:49:52,616
This is the Vampire Hunter.
859
00:49:52,699 --> 00:49:54,427
- Is this his front or his back?
- Oh, who's this guy?
860
00:49:54,451 --> 00:49:57,120
Look at his bloody
head on back-to-front.
861
00:49:57,204 --> 00:49:58,264
Twist it the other way, the other way.
862
00:49:58,288 --> 00:49:59,289
This way.
863
00:49:59,373 --> 00:50:01,958
See who this guy is here.
864
00:50:03,418 --> 00:50:05,712
- Hmm. Typical macho type.
- Yuck!
865
00:50:05,796 --> 00:50:06,797
Hideous.
866
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:08,215
Oh, shit.
867
00:50:09,299 --> 00:50:10,926
I know that guy, actually.
868
00:50:11,009 --> 00:50:12,135
You know him?
869
00:50:12,219 --> 00:50:13,637
- Yeah.
- What?
870
00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:15,389
I saw him the other night in town.
871
00:50:16,139 --> 00:50:17,808
- Told him I was a vampire.
- What?
872
00:50:17,891 --> 00:50:20,143
I thought he was joking.
He said he was a vampire hunter.
873
00:50:20,227 --> 00:50:22,062
You let a vampire hunter into our house?
874
00:50:22,145 --> 00:50:23,790
I didn't let him in.
I just gave him my email.
875
00:50:23,814 --> 00:50:25,023
- He didn't...
- Nick!
876
00:50:25,649 --> 00:50:26,983
I will tear out your tongue
877
00:50:27,067 --> 00:50:28,694
- and shove it down your ass!
- Deacon...
878
00:50:28,777 --> 00:50:29,778
Guys...
879
00:50:31,238 --> 00:50:32,572
Fucking hell!
880
00:50:34,074 --> 00:50:35,492
I'm going to kill you!
881
00:50:42,749 --> 00:50:44,292
Tear out your tongue!
882
00:50:46,878 --> 00:50:48,755
You kill Petyr with
your big mouth!
883
00:50:49,423 --> 00:50:50,590
It was a mistake!
884
00:50:50,674 --> 00:50:51,800
Get up. Take a breath.
885
00:50:52,342 --> 00:50:54,428
Get up
and stand on this ceiling like a man.
886
00:51:01,268 --> 00:51:03,079
We can talk about this, okay?
We can talk about it.
887
00:51:03,103 --> 00:51:04,271
I'll kill you!
888
00:51:04,354 --> 00:51:05,439
I'm already dead!
889
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:07,524
Stu, stay back.
890
00:51:12,404 --> 00:51:13,739
There's someone at the door.
891
00:51:13,822 --> 00:51:15,365
I'll go. I'll go.
892
00:51:23,123 --> 00:51:24,624
Oh, shit.
893
00:51:26,126 --> 00:51:27,126
Yeah, good evening, sir.
894
00:51:27,169 --> 00:51:28,170
Hello, Police.
895
00:51:28,253 --> 00:51:30,630
Hi, I'm Constable O'Leary.
This is Constable Minogue.
896
00:51:30,714 --> 00:51:31,941
We're just responding to reports
897
00:51:31,965 --> 00:51:33,675
of a possible forced entry,
898
00:51:33,759 --> 00:51:36,136
and also
a rather large amount of shrieking.
899
00:51:36,219 --> 00:51:37,447
Just wondering
if maybe we could come in,
900
00:51:37,471 --> 00:51:39,055
just have a wee look around.
901
00:51:39,139 --> 00:51:40,223
Okay.
902
00:51:40,515 --> 00:51:42,809
What's with the... Hello.
What's with the, um, camera?
903
00:51:42,893 --> 00:51:45,413
Yeah, obviously we're just here
'cause there was a phone call from
904
00:51:45,437 --> 00:51:47,731
a member of the public
about a bit of a disturbance.
905
00:51:47,814 --> 00:51:49,858
Um... Some loud noises,
906
00:51:49,941 --> 00:51:51,781
- possibly a forced entry, wasn't there?
- Hmm.
907
00:51:51,818 --> 00:51:53,487
And also maybe
a bit of smoke coming out.
908
00:51:53,570 --> 00:51:55,006
So we're just checking over the scene,
909
00:51:55,030 --> 00:51:58,200
making sure everything's above board,
so to speak,
910
00:51:58,283 --> 00:52:00,443
and making sure no one's in danger,
that kind of thing.
911
00:52:00,494 --> 00:52:01,929
We might go up
and have a wee look up there,
912
00:52:01,953 --> 00:52:03,580
if that's all right with you.
913
00:52:03,789 --> 00:52:07,250
- Just part of the job. Yep.
- Come on, mate, you lead the way.
914
00:52:07,334 --> 00:52:08,334
Okay.
915
00:52:08,376 --> 00:52:10,337
- Smells a bit weird in here, too, mate.
- Yeah.
916
00:52:10,420 --> 00:52:11,963
What do you call that?
917
00:52:13,673 --> 00:52:15,217
Barbecue.
918
00:52:18,178 --> 00:52:21,765
You will not notice anything
out of the ordinary.
919
00:52:22,224 --> 00:52:23,683
No, we certainly hope not.
920
00:52:23,767 --> 00:52:25,560
Let's just keep going.
921
00:52:25,644 --> 00:52:26,829
- Yeah, hi there, guys.
- Hello.
922
00:52:26,853 --> 00:52:27,896
- How are you?
- Good.
923
00:52:27,979 --> 00:52:29,439
- Hey, fellas.
- Hello.
924
00:52:29,523 --> 00:52:31,858
Is this the room we've heard
all the shouting coming from?
925
00:52:31,942 --> 00:52:33,151
That was me.
926
00:52:33,235 --> 00:52:35,087
Yeah, okay.
We've had a couple of reports, okay?
927
00:52:35,111 --> 00:52:37,548
There's a couple of people not that
happy about the level of noise here.
928
00:52:37,572 --> 00:52:39,217
- Okay. The neighbors?
- You can't keep screaming
929
00:52:39,241 --> 00:52:40,301
when there's this many
people around, mate.
930
00:52:40,325 --> 00:52:41,719
You've got neighbors on either side.
931
00:52:41,743 --> 00:52:42,911
Really nervous.
932
00:52:42,994 --> 00:52:44,788
I've hypnotized those cops.
933
00:52:44,871 --> 00:52:46,248
I'm not a great hypnotizer,
934
00:52:46,331 --> 00:52:48,250
so it could wear off any second.
935
00:52:48,333 --> 00:52:50,961
I really hope that those guys
don't kill those police
936
00:52:51,044 --> 00:52:53,088
because it will mean
more police will come,
937
00:52:53,171 --> 00:52:54,631
possibly even Christians,
938
00:52:54,714 --> 00:52:57,300
which is totally the last thing
we need in this house.
939
00:52:57,384 --> 00:52:58,844
I can see you're having a good time.
940
00:52:58,927 --> 00:53:01,555
End of the day,
we've got to keep the peace, okay?
941
00:53:01,638 --> 00:53:03,139
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
942
00:53:03,890 --> 00:53:05,183
See what I'm seeing?
943
00:53:05,267 --> 00:53:06,434
What's that, Minogue?
944
00:53:07,602 --> 00:53:08,728
You're joking.
945
00:53:10,146 --> 00:53:11,565
Not a smoke alarm in sight.
946
00:53:11,648 --> 00:53:13,316
No smoke detectors, mate.
947
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,819
Rule number one, smoke detectors.
948
00:53:15,902 --> 00:53:17,112
Okay.
949
00:53:17,195 --> 00:53:19,823
Rule number two,
maybe not so many barbecues inside.
950
00:53:19,906 --> 00:53:21,366
- Sort it out, fellas.
- Okay.
951
00:53:21,741 --> 00:53:23,869
Barbecue smells really strong
down here, doesn't it?
952
00:53:23,952 --> 00:53:25,012
- What kind of marinade...
- Yeah.
953
00:53:25,036 --> 00:53:26,097
What kind of marinade did you use?
954
00:53:26,121 --> 00:53:27,247
Who's this guy?
955
00:53:27,539 --> 00:53:31,167
Um... That's a friend
who came to our party.
956
00:53:31,251 --> 00:53:32,586
Mate, are you all right?
957
00:53:32,669 --> 00:53:34,063
- He's drunk.
- That's what I thought.
958
00:53:34,087 --> 00:53:35,338
- Drunk guy.
- Yeah.
959
00:53:35,422 --> 00:53:37,716
Look, you can't
just leave him down here like that, okay?
960
00:53:37,799 --> 00:53:39,259
This guy's not having a good time.
961
00:53:39,342 --> 00:53:41,094
He's gonna feel
terrible tomorrow morning.
962
00:53:41,177 --> 00:53:42,971
Well, his soul is in hell, so don't worry.
963
00:53:43,054 --> 00:53:44,240
Well, I don't know where his soul is,
964
00:53:44,264 --> 00:53:45,700
but all I am saying is,
where is his blanket?
965
00:53:45,724 --> 00:53:47,159
Okay, just check on him in the morning.
966
00:53:47,183 --> 00:53:48,578
There's a big slab of concrete on him.
967
00:53:48,602 --> 00:53:49,704
- Yeah.
- You could move that.
968
00:53:49,728 --> 00:53:50,830
That's definitely not
gonna be comfortable.
969
00:53:50,854 --> 00:53:53,082
- See anything else in here, Minogue?
- No, I've seen enough.
970
00:53:53,106 --> 00:53:54,983
- Okay.
- Hang on a minute.
971
00:53:55,066 --> 00:53:56,151
What have we got here?
972
00:53:57,944 --> 00:53:59,070
- What is that?
- This?
973
00:53:59,154 --> 00:54:00,155
- This?
- Oh, this?
974
00:54:00,238 --> 00:54:01,948
You can see it as clearly as I can.
975
00:54:02,032 --> 00:54:04,618
Adhesive, mate. That's a flammable.
976
00:54:04,701 --> 00:54:06,453
Then you've got a lamp on top of that,
977
00:54:06,536 --> 00:54:08,204
directly underneath a power source.
978
00:54:08,288 --> 00:54:09,414
That is quite bad, guys.
979
00:54:09,497 --> 00:54:10,808
- It's very bad.
- It's a very bad combination.
980
00:54:10,832 --> 00:54:12,268
And no smoke detectors again,
are there?
981
00:54:12,292 --> 00:54:14,377
- No.
- Yes, there are.
982
00:54:14,461 --> 00:54:16,463
Yes, there are.
I see them, yeah. That's good.
983
00:54:16,546 --> 00:54:17,815
- Lots to think about, guys.
- Okay.
984
00:54:17,839 --> 00:54:18,983
Yeah, lots to think about there, guys.
985
00:54:19,007 --> 00:54:20,359
- Well, shall we carry on?
- Next flat meeting. Ja?
986
00:54:20,383 --> 00:54:21,861
Yeah, good thinking. That's the thing.
987
00:54:21,885 --> 00:54:23,279
Just have a bit of dialogue about it.
988
00:54:23,303 --> 00:54:24,471
Okay.
989
00:54:24,554 --> 00:54:26,056
They've got a really good point.
990
00:54:26,139 --> 00:54:27,182
Wait. Let's kill them.
991
00:54:27,307 --> 00:54:28,308
No.
992
00:54:28,391 --> 00:54:30,727
Well, let's just see
what other safety points they have,
993
00:54:30,810 --> 00:54:32,812
and then maybe we'll kill them.
994
00:54:41,613 --> 00:54:46,493
I call into session
this trial of Nick of Wellington.
995
00:54:51,623 --> 00:54:53,333
Read the charges.
996
00:54:53,792 --> 00:54:55,669
"Problems we have with Nick.
997
00:54:56,670 --> 00:54:58,088
"Number One."
998
00:54:58,171 --> 00:55:00,090
You brought a human into our house,
999
00:55:00,173 --> 00:55:01,925
which is a big no-no
in the vampire world.
1000
00:55:02,008 --> 00:55:03,259
Stu is okay, though?
1001
00:55:03,343 --> 00:55:04,594
Yeah. Stu is fine,
1002
00:55:04,678 --> 00:55:07,138
so I guess we'll just cross that one out.
1003
00:55:07,639 --> 00:55:08,640
Uh...
1004
00:55:12,102 --> 00:55:13,728
- Thank you, Stu.
- Thank you, Stu.
1005
00:55:13,812 --> 00:55:16,356
So, the new Number One.
1006
00:55:16,439 --> 00:55:19,150
"Nick's been
telling people he's a vampire.
1007
00:55:19,234 --> 00:55:21,111
"That, in turn, resulted
1008
00:55:21,194 --> 00:55:25,532
"in an unwanted visit
from a vampire hunter.
1009
00:55:25,615 --> 00:55:27,283
"Crime Number Two."
1010
00:55:27,367 --> 00:55:29,285
This is quite a biggie, Nick.
1011
00:55:29,369 --> 00:55:31,955
The Vampire Hunter who killed Petyr.
1012
00:55:33,081 --> 00:55:34,708
That actually should've...
1013
00:55:34,791 --> 00:55:36,292
That should've been Crime Number One,
1014
00:55:36,376 --> 00:55:38,378
but we wanted to build up to that.
1015
00:55:38,461 --> 00:55:39,629
Number Three,
1016
00:55:39,713 --> 00:55:41,339
Deacon doesn't like that you wear
1017
00:55:41,423 --> 00:55:43,216
the same jacket as him,
1018
00:55:43,299 --> 00:55:46,678
and he would like you
to find your own original style.
1019
00:55:47,679 --> 00:55:52,517
For these crimes of which,
we, the Vampire Council, find you guilty,
1020
00:55:52,934 --> 00:55:56,730
you shall be banished
from our flat indefinitely.
1021
00:55:56,896 --> 00:55:58,815
- Indefinitely.
- Indefinitely.
1022
00:55:58,898 --> 00:55:59,898
So I can come back?
1023
00:55:59,941 --> 00:56:03,278
No, no.
"Indefinitely" means there is no end.
1024
00:56:03,361 --> 00:56:04,380
- I thought it was like...
- I just think it...
1025
00:56:04,404 --> 00:56:06,031
No,
"indefinite" means that it's not
1026
00:56:06,114 --> 00:56:07,657
a definite thing, it can be changed.
1027
00:56:07,741 --> 00:56:08,801
- Does it, though?
- Yes, but it's long.
1028
00:56:08,825 --> 00:56:10,469
It could be tomorrow,
it could be six months.
1029
00:56:10,493 --> 00:56:12,096
- No, it is not tomorrow.
- No, it won't be tomorrow.
1030
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:14,056
- Forget about it. You're banished.
- It's at least six months.
1031
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:15,331
- You're banished.
- That's it.
1032
00:56:15,415 --> 00:56:16,809
But, Stu,
you can visit if you like.
1033
00:56:16,833 --> 00:56:18,126
Thank you.
1034
00:56:18,793 --> 00:56:22,422
For your crimes,
you will be made to suffer
1035
00:56:22,714 --> 00:56:25,050
the Procession of Shame.
1036
00:56:25,133 --> 00:56:28,261
I asked them, Nick.
I asked them not to pass that sentence.
1037
00:56:28,344 --> 00:56:30,513
We should do this immediately,
in my opinion.
1038
00:56:30,597 --> 00:56:31,598
You didn't ask.
1039
00:56:32,057 --> 00:56:34,434
You didn't ask. You were saying yes.
1040
00:56:37,896 --> 00:56:39,707
- I didn't. Well, I...
- Well, this is what's going to happen.
1041
00:56:39,731 --> 00:56:41,399
I still think it's quite extreme.
1042
00:56:42,442 --> 00:56:45,862
Let us do the Procession of Shame now.
1043
00:56:47,781 --> 00:56:48,781
- Shame.
- Shame.
1044
00:56:48,823 --> 00:56:50,033
Shame. Shame. Shame.
1045
00:56:50,116 --> 00:56:51,201
Shame. Shame. Shame.
1046
00:56:51,284 --> 00:56:52,285
Shame!
1047
00:56:52,368 --> 00:56:53,620
- Bad vampire!
- Shame.
1048
00:56:53,703 --> 00:56:54,704
Shame.
1049
00:56:56,247 --> 00:56:57,499
Should we go, Stu?
1050
00:57:03,171 --> 00:57:04,214
Bye, Stu.
1051
00:57:20,897 --> 00:57:21,981
That was a shame.
1052
00:57:46,256 --> 00:57:48,758
So today we have an invitation
1053
00:57:49,843 --> 00:57:52,595
to the big event of the year.
1054
00:57:52,679 --> 00:57:54,139
Breaking it open.
1055
00:57:54,973 --> 00:57:56,432
They have burned the edges.
1056
00:57:56,516 --> 00:57:57,934
Like a treasure map
or something.
1057
00:57:58,017 --> 00:57:59,853
It looks very authentic,
doesn't it?
1058
00:58:00,478 --> 00:58:02,021
"Dearly departed..."
1059
00:58:02,355 --> 00:58:03,606
That's us.
1060
00:58:04,232 --> 00:58:06,484
"The Wellington Vampire Association
1061
00:58:06,568 --> 00:58:09,612
"in conjunction with
the Lower Hutt Vampire Witch Club
1062
00:58:09,696 --> 00:58:12,282
"and the Karori Zombie Society
1063
00:58:12,699 --> 00:58:15,869
"invites you to attend
The Unholy Masquerade
1064
00:58:16,327 --> 00:58:19,455
"on the night of the 6th of June,
1065
00:58:19,706 --> 00:58:22,709
"starting at 6:00 p.m."
1066
00:58:23,835 --> 00:58:24,835
666.
1067
00:58:24,878 --> 00:58:25,962
Oh, yeah.
1068
00:58:26,045 --> 00:58:27,672
The Unholy Masquerade, of course,
1069
00:58:27,755 --> 00:58:30,592
is great time
for the undead community of Wellington.
1070
00:58:30,675 --> 00:58:32,218
There's zombies there,
1071
00:58:32,302 --> 00:58:36,848
vampires, banshees,
all having a dance together.
1072
00:58:36,931 --> 00:58:38,850
It's always a big deal for me.
1073
00:58:38,933 --> 00:58:39,934
Love it.
1074
00:58:40,018 --> 00:58:42,395
One year I went
to The Unholy Masquerade
1075
00:58:42,478 --> 00:58:44,564
dressed as Whoopi Goldberg
1076
00:58:44,647 --> 00:58:50,069
from Sister Act 1
and Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit.
1077
00:58:50,153 --> 00:58:53,531
It didn't go down so well
because she was a nun.
1078
00:58:54,324 --> 00:58:57,285
We vampires don't like nuns.
1079
00:58:57,368 --> 00:59:00,038
Of course the big deal of
The Unholy Masquerade is,
1080
00:59:00,121 --> 00:59:02,373
every year they announce
a Guest of Honor.
1081
00:59:04,500 --> 00:59:06,961
And I don't know
if I should be saying this,
1082
00:59:07,670 --> 00:59:09,422
but I heard a little rumor
1083
00:59:09,505 --> 00:59:12,425
that the Guest of Honor this year
1084
00:59:13,426 --> 00:59:14,802
might be me.
1085
00:59:15,970 --> 00:59:17,513
The location...
1086
00:59:17,597 --> 00:59:18,699
Oh, where?
Yeah, where is it?
1087
00:59:18,723 --> 00:59:19,723
Oh, the location.
1088
00:59:19,766 --> 00:59:21,184
The Cathedral of Despair.
1089
00:59:21,267 --> 00:59:23,603
And the Guest of Honor will be...
1090
00:59:27,106 --> 00:59:29,108
Who is it? Show me.
1091
00:59:35,907 --> 00:59:36,908
Mmm.
1092
00:59:38,034 --> 00:59:40,870
Okay. Okay.
1093
00:59:41,663 --> 00:59:43,414
Okay. Okay, that's fine. That's fine.
1094
00:59:43,498 --> 00:59:44,791
Okay?
1095
00:59:47,085 --> 00:59:48,795
I can't believe it!
1096
00:59:51,256 --> 00:59:54,092
Vladislav has
1097
00:59:54,175 --> 00:59:57,387
just had a reaction to the information
1098
00:59:57,470 --> 01:00:00,390
that the Guest of Honor will be, um...
1099
01:00:00,473 --> 01:00:01,641
The Beast.
1100
01:00:05,144 --> 01:00:09,315
The darkest part of my mind
is reserved for The Beast.
1101
01:00:09,399 --> 01:00:11,210
We could tell you a thing or two
about The Beast.
1102
01:00:11,234 --> 01:00:13,987
You should pray
that you never have to see The Beast.
1103
01:00:14,070 --> 01:00:15,863
This one is called The Beast.
1104
01:00:15,947 --> 01:00:19,033
And I said,
"Get your hands off my balls, Beast!"
1105
01:00:19,117 --> 01:00:20,827
He may have told you some stories
1106
01:00:20,910 --> 01:00:23,413
about his great battle with The Beast.
1107
01:00:23,496 --> 01:00:25,915
Yeah. "Oh, I fought The Beast on a cliff.
1108
01:00:25,999 --> 01:00:28,418
"Oh, I fought The Beast in a swamp.
1109
01:00:29,002 --> 01:00:30,586
"And then one time I fought The Beast
1110
01:00:30,670 --> 01:00:32,714
"in the toilets of a nightclub."
1111
01:00:33,172 --> 01:00:34,465
Difficult battle.
1112
01:00:34,549 --> 01:00:37,593
I hope you never see The Beast.
1113
01:00:38,428 --> 01:00:40,263
The Beast.
1114
01:00:49,355 --> 01:00:52,608
You can't go to the ball as Blade.
He's a vampire hunter.
1115
01:00:52,692 --> 01:00:55,111
Yeah, but vampires
love Wesley Snipes, so it's...
1116
01:00:55,194 --> 01:00:56,529
No, it's inappropriate.
1117
01:00:56,612 --> 01:00:58,531
Okay, Vlad, the green jodhpurs
1118
01:00:58,614 --> 01:01:01,034
or the black leather with the dragon belt?
1119
01:01:01,117 --> 01:01:02,177
I'm having a mild crisis here.
1120
01:01:02,201 --> 01:01:03,262
Just wear the pants you're going to wear.
1121
01:01:03,286 --> 01:01:04,346
Which pants do you want to wear?
1122
01:01:04,370 --> 01:01:06,140
Just look at the pants, Vlad.
Turn around and look at them.
1123
01:01:06,164 --> 01:01:07,373
They're just pants!
1124
01:01:07,457 --> 01:01:09,125
- Shit, man!
- Holy shit!
1125
01:01:09,709 --> 01:01:11,044
Oh, you look terrible.
1126
01:01:11,127 --> 01:01:12,170
The black pants.
1127
01:01:12,587 --> 01:01:14,088
Thank you. Get dressed.
1128
01:01:14,172 --> 01:01:16,257
I don't know if I feel up to it, really.
1129
01:01:16,341 --> 01:01:17,359
You don't look that great,
1130
01:01:17,383 --> 01:01:18,885
but if you eat someone on the way
1131
01:01:18,968 --> 01:01:20,487
- and rejuvenate a little bit...
- I'm fine. I just...
1132
01:01:20,511 --> 01:01:22,231
You could probably
wear a mask or something.
1133
01:01:22,305 --> 01:01:25,641
Just leave me to do
my dark bidding on the Internet.
1134
01:01:25,725 --> 01:01:27,268
What are you bidding on?
1135
01:01:27,352 --> 01:01:29,437
I'm bidding on a table.
1136
01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:31,356
- Are you coming or not?
- Not.
1137
01:01:31,439 --> 01:01:33,691
I'm gonna go change.
We're leaving in 10 minutes.
1138
01:01:34,859 --> 01:01:35,860
Have a good time.
1139
01:01:47,080 --> 01:01:48,623
- Hello.
- Great!
1140
01:01:52,418 --> 01:01:54,295
We tend to often, you know,
1141
01:01:54,379 --> 01:01:57,048
without getting into
that kind of stuff.
1142
01:01:57,131 --> 01:01:59,634
Which I'm really sick of that.
But, you know, it's just,
1143
01:01:59,717 --> 01:02:03,054
it's harder for us
to actually chase people down.
1144
01:02:03,137 --> 01:02:06,557
Can I introduce Gary and Alicia?
They're...
1145
01:02:07,767 --> 01:02:09,685
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi there.
1146
01:02:09,769 --> 01:02:10,937
Hi, how's it going?
1147
01:02:11,020 --> 01:02:13,022
Less groaning. Less groaning, guys.
1148
01:02:14,899 --> 01:02:17,360
So we are at The Unholy Masquerade.
1149
01:02:17,443 --> 01:02:20,321
It's great. This is my mask,
1150
01:02:21,072 --> 01:02:22,990
which I made for the occasion.
1151
01:02:23,074 --> 01:02:25,076
- Ah!
- Hey!
1152
01:02:25,368 --> 01:02:27,161
- Jackie.
- Yeah.
1153
01:02:27,578 --> 01:02:28,578
This is undead party.
1154
01:02:28,621 --> 01:02:29,622
Yeah, I'm a vampire.
1155
01:02:29,705 --> 01:02:31,207
- You'll have your...
- I'm a vampire.
1156
01:02:31,290 --> 01:02:32,708
I'm a vampire.
1157
01:02:33,459 --> 01:02:34,459
- Great.
- Yeah, yeah.
1158
01:02:34,502 --> 01:02:35,837
So, um, who bit you?
1159
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:36,921
Oh, Nick.
1160
01:02:37,463 --> 01:02:38,881
- Oh, great.
- Yeah.
1161
01:02:38,965 --> 01:02:40,049
Right, okay.
1162
01:02:40,133 --> 01:02:41,342
Deacon!
1163
01:02:43,761 --> 01:02:47,223
It's pretty rude
because she was my servant.
1164
01:02:47,306 --> 01:02:49,892
She was a pretty useless servant.
I wouldn't worry about it.
1165
01:02:49,976 --> 01:02:51,060
Yes, but still.
1166
01:02:51,144 --> 01:02:53,479
I would've been appreciated
if you had asked.
1167
01:02:53,563 --> 01:02:54,915
- Unlike some of these people.
- How's Stu?
1168
01:02:54,939 --> 01:02:56,941
- Stu's good. He's there.
- Oh, he's here.
1169
01:02:57,024 --> 01:02:58,401
- Stu!
- Stu!
1170
01:02:58,484 --> 01:02:59,819
- Hi!
- Hey, hey!
1171
01:03:00,153 --> 01:03:01,362
- How are you?
- Hey.
1172
01:03:03,489 --> 01:03:06,534
Has anyone looked at you
like they want to eat you at all?
1173
01:03:07,285 --> 01:03:08,285
Uh, no.
1174
01:03:08,327 --> 01:03:09,537
Can you hear me at the back?
1175
01:03:10,163 --> 01:03:13,166
On behalf
of the Wellington Vampire Society,
1176
01:03:13,958 --> 01:03:17,545
uh, the Lower Hutt Vampire
and Witch Club,
1177
01:03:17,628 --> 01:03:20,423
and the Karori Zombie Society,
1178
01:03:20,506 --> 01:03:22,300
we welcome you here tonight.
1179
01:03:22,383 --> 01:03:25,136
We're raffling a live meat pack this year.
1180
01:03:25,219 --> 01:03:27,059
You can inspect the prize
over here to my left.
1181
01:03:28,347 --> 01:03:29,825
- It's a wonderful prize.
- No, wait a minute.
1182
01:03:29,849 --> 01:03:34,145
Tickets are only $10 each,
or $45 for a book of five.
1183
01:03:35,104 --> 01:03:38,357
Now, without further ado,
it's my very great pleasure
1184
01:03:38,441 --> 01:03:41,694
to introduce to you
this year's Guest of Honor,
1185
01:03:41,986 --> 01:03:43,654
Pauline Ivanovich.
1186
01:03:45,948 --> 01:03:47,158
Thank you.
1187
01:03:49,827 --> 01:03:51,454
That's The Beast.
1188
01:03:51,537 --> 01:03:52,598
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
1189
01:03:52,622 --> 01:03:57,084
The Beast is the name I give to
my ex-girlfriend, Pauline.
1190
01:03:57,168 --> 01:03:59,128
She prefers Pauline.
1191
01:03:59,212 --> 01:04:01,964
We had a very intense relationship.
1192
01:04:02,048 --> 01:04:05,468
We were very sexually explosive.
1193
01:04:05,718 --> 01:04:10,806
Last time I saw her, she impaled me
and called me an asshole.
1194
01:04:10,890 --> 01:04:15,061
She said all kinds of things
that really hurt me,
1195
01:04:15,144 --> 01:04:18,606
and all this
while I was impaled on a lamppost.
1196
01:04:19,065 --> 01:04:22,193
Well, everyone,
I will be mingling around,
1197
01:04:22,276 --> 01:04:26,489
and I really hope that I will meet
1198
01:04:27,406 --> 01:04:28,783
all of you.
1199
01:04:44,924 --> 01:04:45,925
Hello.
1200
01:04:46,008 --> 01:04:47,426
That's the new guy.
1201
01:04:47,510 --> 01:04:49,929
Do you know what kind of vampire he is?
1202
01:04:50,012 --> 01:04:52,014
- If he is a vampire.
- Did you see his face?
1203
01:04:52,098 --> 01:04:53,140
Hello.
1204
01:04:53,599 --> 01:04:55,017
Oh. Oh.
1205
01:04:56,018 --> 01:04:58,020
- Hello.
- Hi, how are you?
1206
01:04:58,104 --> 01:04:59,355
This is Deacon.
1207
01:04:59,438 --> 01:05:00,439
Hello, Deacon.
1208
01:05:00,523 --> 01:05:01,750
- This is Stu, our friend.
- Stu?
1209
01:05:01,774 --> 01:05:02,960
G'day, Stu. How are you, mate?
1210
01:05:02,984 --> 01:05:03,985
- Whoa.
- Good.
1211
01:05:04,068 --> 01:05:05,254
- Hi. Stu.
- Stu. Julian, hello.
1212
01:05:05,278 --> 01:05:07,154
You've got really warm hands, Stu.
1213
01:05:07,238 --> 01:05:09,198
Are you a demon?
1214
01:05:09,282 --> 01:05:10,551
- No, he's not a demon.
- No, no.
1215
01:05:10,575 --> 01:05:11,951
I'm a software analyst. I...
1216
01:05:12,034 --> 01:05:13,369
- Hey, Stu, Stu...
- A male witch?
1217
01:05:13,452 --> 01:05:14,805
- You're a male witch.
- It's kind of a technical...
1218
01:05:14,829 --> 01:05:16,956
Stu, you should go dance,
um, with anyone.
1219
01:05:17,039 --> 01:05:18,666
- Sure.
- Okay, take your time.
1220
01:05:18,749 --> 01:05:23,504
I like Stu. He's not vampire, so he...
What, he's a zombie or...
1221
01:05:23,588 --> 01:05:24,589
Male witch?
1222
01:05:24,672 --> 01:05:28,509
He's not, uh... He's neither.
He's more of a human.
1223
01:05:30,136 --> 01:05:31,929
Excuse me. Excuse me. Hi.
1224
01:05:32,013 --> 01:05:34,599
Nick, hey. Nick...
1225
01:05:35,516 --> 01:05:38,311
Do you mind if Stu is killed?
1226
01:05:38,394 --> 01:05:40,313
Uh, I don't feel that good about it.
1227
01:05:40,396 --> 01:05:45,776
Can I just ask you a personal question?
1228
01:05:45,860 --> 01:05:47,737
- Sure.
- Are you, um...
1229
01:05:50,781 --> 01:05:53,909
Are you pre-deceased?
1230
01:05:54,660 --> 01:05:55,745
Uh...
1231
01:05:57,079 --> 01:05:59,141
If anyone's gonna eat him,
it's gonna be us, but we're not...
1232
01:05:59,165 --> 01:06:00,207
We're past that.
1233
01:06:00,291 --> 01:06:01,917
They can just go fuck themselves.
1234
01:06:02,001 --> 01:06:03,878
Nick, it is your fault, okay?
1235
01:06:03,961 --> 01:06:07,048
You brought a human
into this den of vampiressness.
1236
01:06:07,131 --> 01:06:08,483
- What, a plus one?
- You're not helping.
1237
01:06:08,507 --> 01:06:09,675
- Yes, you did.
- My plus one.
1238
01:06:09,759 --> 01:06:12,011
Lovely talking to you.
I've got to shoot off now.
1239
01:06:12,094 --> 01:06:13,429
See you later on.
1240
01:06:18,184 --> 01:06:19,977
As soon as one vampire takes a bite,
1241
01:06:20,061 --> 01:06:21,301
- it's a blood frenzy.
- Frenzy!
1242
01:06:21,354 --> 01:06:22,456
Okay, we've got to get him out.
1243
01:06:22,480 --> 01:06:23,480
Okay, let's go.
1244
01:06:23,522 --> 01:06:26,525
- Okay, follow me, follow me.
- Excuse me. Sorry, guys.
1245
01:06:27,526 --> 01:06:30,363
Okay, Stu,
put that over your bloody red face.
1246
01:06:30,946 --> 01:06:32,424
- Just going out.
- Going outside for a cigarette.
1247
01:06:32,448 --> 01:06:33,449
Oh, hey.
1248
01:06:33,532 --> 01:06:34,676
Okay, not that way. Not that way.
1249
01:06:34,700 --> 01:06:35,700
This way. This way.
1250
01:06:35,743 --> 01:06:36,786
Is there another way? Oh.
1251
01:06:36,869 --> 01:06:38,120
Not this way.
1252
01:06:39,330 --> 01:06:41,540
- Back away from the vampires.
- Guys...
1253
01:06:41,624 --> 01:06:42,792
Excuse me, everyone!
1254
01:06:42,875 --> 01:06:45,169
Can I have your attention, please?
1255
01:06:46,462 --> 01:06:50,800
Some of the vampires
forget Unholy Masquerade rules.
1256
01:06:50,883 --> 01:06:52,051
They brought a human...
1257
01:06:53,427 --> 01:06:58,182
...and they don't let us to feast on him.
1258
01:06:59,558 --> 01:07:01,477
This is a total misunderstanding.
1259
01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:04,980
There was on the invitation...
And this actually pertains to you.
1260
01:07:05,064 --> 01:07:07,441
The invitation, it said, "Plus one,"
1261
01:07:07,525 --> 01:07:09,443
- but it did not specify...
- Hey, mate. Look...
1262
01:07:09,527 --> 01:07:12,029
If it could be a human,
or if it could be a werewolf.
1263
01:07:12,113 --> 01:07:14,532
Yeah, but you could be a vampire hunter
for all we'd know.
1264
01:07:14,615 --> 01:07:16,200
He could be texting his mates saying,
1265
01:07:16,283 --> 01:07:17,719
"I've got them all in the one place.
1266
01:07:17,743 --> 01:07:19,745
"Come on over
and we'll have a vampire barbecue."
1267
01:07:19,829 --> 01:07:21,580
Well, he's not. He's not doing that.
1268
01:07:21,664 --> 01:07:23,392
Well, we don't know that, do we?
How do we know that?
1269
01:07:23,416 --> 01:07:25,042
He's wearing a bowtie. Look at him!
1270
01:07:25,126 --> 01:07:26,206
Stu, tell them what you do.
1271
01:07:26,252 --> 01:07:28,379
Come on, Stu. Tell us what you do.
1272
01:07:28,462 --> 01:07:30,107
- Come on, Stu.
- Tell them what you do, Stu.
1273
01:07:30,131 --> 01:07:32,067
- Uh, hi, my name is Stu. I'm a...
- Don't fuck it up.
1274
01:07:32,091 --> 01:07:33,318
- I can't hear, Stu.
- Louder, louder.
1275
01:07:33,342 --> 01:07:35,553
Uh, hi, my name is Stu. Um, I work in IT.
1276
01:07:35,636 --> 01:07:36,637
- I can't hear.
- Louder.
1277
01:07:36,721 --> 01:07:38,365
Speak up, Stu. They can't hear you.
They cannot hear you.
1278
01:07:38,389 --> 01:07:40,683
Hi, my name is Stu.
Uh, I'm a software analyst.
1279
01:07:40,766 --> 01:07:43,436
I work for a geographic
information systems company.
1280
01:07:43,519 --> 01:07:44,729
Sorry, what is it?
1281
01:07:44,812 --> 01:07:46,814
I work for a company
that does, um...
1282
01:07:46,897 --> 01:07:50,317
Basically, we take, like, business
requirements from organizations,
1283
01:07:50,401 --> 01:07:52,862
and we, um, analyze those requirements,
1284
01:07:52,945 --> 01:07:55,823
and then we build software
to fit those requirements.
1285
01:07:55,906 --> 01:07:58,159
He is a virgin. He is a virgin.
1286
01:07:58,242 --> 01:08:00,578
I can smell a virgin at a thousand paces.
1287
01:08:00,661 --> 01:08:03,456
Go on then. Go a thousand paces away
and smell yourself.
1288
01:08:04,665 --> 01:08:06,041
I can't wait anymore.
1289
01:08:09,462 --> 01:08:10,796
No!
1290
01:08:19,472 --> 01:08:22,224
There shall be no eating of the human.
1291
01:08:22,308 --> 01:08:23,851
Who are you all of a sudden?
1292
01:08:23,934 --> 01:08:28,522
You have forgotten
your former lover so quickly.
1293
01:08:31,650 --> 01:08:32,943
Georgie?
1294
01:08:33,736 --> 01:08:37,656
No, not Georgie. Like, five years after.
1295
01:08:39,116 --> 01:08:42,119
Wait a minute. Just one moment.
1296
01:08:42,203 --> 01:08:43,537
Viago...
1297
01:08:43,621 --> 01:08:46,165
No, I've got it.
That's got it. Takes away from...
1298
01:08:48,959 --> 01:08:50,669
Hello, Beast.
1299
01:08:50,753 --> 01:08:51,837
Hello, asshole.
1300
01:08:51,921 --> 01:08:53,714
Hey, don't call me asshole.
1301
01:08:53,798 --> 01:08:55,382
Don't call me Beast.
1302
01:08:55,466 --> 01:08:57,444
- This is Vladislav.
- Yes, they're absolutely the same.
1303
01:08:57,468 --> 01:08:59,863
This is my ex-boyfriend. You know,
the one who fucked that witch?
1304
01:08:59,887 --> 01:09:02,556
All right. That's old business.
That's personal business.
1305
01:09:02,640 --> 01:09:03,682
Nice to meet you, asshole.
1306
01:09:03,766 --> 01:09:04,767
This is my lover.
1307
01:09:04,850 --> 01:09:07,478
You will not feast on the blood
of the human known as Stu.
1308
01:09:07,561 --> 01:09:10,439
Listen, asshole,
this is human and this is the rules.
1309
01:09:10,523 --> 01:09:12,024
And what is cameras doing here?
1310
01:09:12,107 --> 01:09:14,068
One, then another one. What is this?
1311
01:09:14,151 --> 01:09:15,431
We're making a documentary on...
1312
01:09:15,486 --> 01:09:16,588
This is a private secret
society, mate.
1313
01:09:16,612 --> 01:09:17,613
Exactly.
1314
01:09:17,696 --> 01:09:19,841
You don't go bringing your
bloody cameras into everything.
1315
01:09:19,865 --> 01:09:22,451
You will not eat Stu,
and you will not eat the camera guy.
1316
01:09:22,535 --> 01:09:23,619
Maybe one camera guy...
1317
01:09:23,702 --> 01:09:25,555
I'm up to about bloody here with you
at the moment.
1318
01:09:25,579 --> 01:09:27,957
And all your mates behind there,
whoever the hell they are.
1319
01:09:28,040 --> 01:09:29,625
We're gonna eat the human being,
1320
01:09:29,708 --> 01:09:31,520
and there's nothing
you can do about it, all right?
1321
01:09:31,544 --> 01:09:34,129
Now back off
and let my missus get her way.
1322
01:09:34,213 --> 01:09:35,881
Oh, there's nothing I can do about it?
1323
01:09:35,965 --> 01:09:37,967
- That's right, mate.
- Well, what about this?
1324
01:09:39,802 --> 01:09:41,512
Rip his head off.
1325
01:09:41,887 --> 01:09:43,222
What do you want?
1326
01:09:43,722 --> 01:09:45,432
Vampire fight!
1327
01:09:46,058 --> 01:09:47,560
Get him, Vladislav.
1328
01:09:58,988 --> 01:10:01,115
Rip his head off!
1329
01:10:02,575 --> 01:10:03,826
He's killing him!
1330
01:10:03,909 --> 01:10:07,746
It is forbidden for vampires
to kill vampires.
1331
01:10:10,833 --> 01:10:11,959
What the...
1332
01:10:12,042 --> 01:10:13,085
Vlad! Oh!
1333
01:10:14,169 --> 01:10:15,421
What?
1334
01:10:16,213 --> 01:10:18,299
Are you okay, love? Get out!
1335
01:10:19,300 --> 01:10:21,218
We should probably go, Stu.
1336
01:10:22,136 --> 01:10:24,388
It was great to see you, Pauline.
1337
01:10:24,471 --> 01:10:25,472
Asshole!
1338
01:10:25,890 --> 01:10:27,641
- Bastards!
- Yeah, Stu.
1339
01:10:28,642 --> 01:10:29,350
That was great how we both...
1340
01:10:29,351 --> 01:10:30,352
He's a murderer.
1341
01:10:30,436 --> 01:10:33,856
We both together
equally destroyed that guy.
1342
01:10:33,939 --> 01:10:36,483
Yeah, but it was more Stu
with the giant stick.
1343
01:10:36,567 --> 01:10:39,820
I hope this doesn't make it awkward
for you and The Beast.
1344
01:10:39,904 --> 01:10:42,781
No, I think
it's opened up new possibilities.
1345
01:10:43,282 --> 01:10:44,325
Oh, no.
1346
01:10:45,200 --> 01:10:47,119
- Here we go again.
- Here we go again.
1347
01:10:47,202 --> 01:10:51,081
Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu! Stu, Stu, Stu!
1348
01:10:51,165 --> 01:10:55,377
Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu...
1349
01:10:55,461 --> 01:10:58,213
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop!
- Listen, listen!
1350
01:10:58,297 --> 01:10:59,298
You smell that?
1351
01:11:01,175 --> 01:11:02,593
This way.
1352
01:11:04,136 --> 01:11:05,387
Werewolves.
1353
01:11:06,180 --> 01:11:07,181
Oh, no.
1354
01:11:07,264 --> 01:11:08,450
Look what the cat
dragged in, huh.
1355
01:11:08,474 --> 01:11:09,475
Piss off.
1356
01:11:09,558 --> 01:11:11,060
Keep walking.
Don't hassle us tonight.
1357
01:11:11,143 --> 01:11:12,811
There has been no hassle here.
1358
01:11:13,187 --> 01:11:16,315
Well, let it stay that way.
Keep chaining yourselves up.
1359
01:11:16,649 --> 01:11:18,317
Guys, where's your tracksuit pants?
1360
01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:19,902
It was, um, washing night.
1361
01:11:19,985 --> 01:11:21,362
My missus couldn't wash them
1362
01:11:21,445 --> 01:11:22,756
'cause there was too much
blood on them. So...
1363
01:11:22,780 --> 01:11:24,215
When your legs expand,
they grow into the tracksuit.
1364
01:11:24,239 --> 01:11:25,240
Oh.
1365
01:11:25,324 --> 01:11:27,076
Those jeans are gonna rip completely.
1366
01:11:27,159 --> 01:11:28,911
You've lost all those trousers, guys.
1367
01:11:28,994 --> 01:11:30,996
Declan, that tree is far too thin.
1368
01:11:31,080 --> 01:11:32,331
Look at it. It's like a branch.
1369
01:11:32,414 --> 01:11:34,708
You know how big you get
when you transform.
1370
01:11:34,792 --> 01:11:36,794
That's the wrong tree for you.
1371
01:11:37,336 --> 01:11:38,379
Anton, I've...
1372
01:11:38,629 --> 01:11:40,297
Oh, no, you've forgotten the combination.
1373
01:11:41,173 --> 01:11:42,591
Why did you get a combination lock?
1374
01:11:42,675 --> 01:11:43,968
I lost my key last time.
1375
01:11:44,176 --> 01:11:45,511
Okay, well,
it's probably 4 zeros.
1376
01:11:45,594 --> 01:11:46,905
That's the factory setting, is it?
1377
01:11:46,929 --> 01:11:47,930
Fuck off to a tree.
1378
01:11:48,013 --> 01:11:50,265
Hey!
Werewolves, not swear-wolves.
1379
01:11:50,349 --> 01:11:52,768
Yeah, I know.
But on transformation nights it's all right.
1380
01:11:52,851 --> 01:11:54,311
All right? I'm getting stressed out.
1381
01:11:54,395 --> 01:11:55,604
I was just reminding you.
1382
01:11:55,688 --> 01:11:58,273
Stop talking and chain yourself up,
you dickhead!
1383
01:11:58,357 --> 01:11:59,733
Honestly, we're transforming.
1384
01:11:59,817 --> 01:12:01,068
All right, we'll keep walking.
1385
01:12:01,151 --> 01:12:02,545
- Yeah, keep walking.
- Well, we're walking.
1386
01:12:02,569 --> 01:12:03,838
By the way, I find that offensive.
1387
01:12:03,862 --> 01:12:05,114
Is it fur?
1388
01:12:05,197 --> 01:12:06,615
Oh, for crying out loud.
1389
01:12:06,699 --> 01:12:09,576
Don't look at the fur, everyone.
Get back to your trees, okay?
1390
01:12:09,660 --> 01:12:11,304
- That's disgusting, man.
- You're wearing fur.
1391
01:12:11,328 --> 01:12:12,454
- Declan!
- Anton!
1392
01:12:12,538 --> 01:12:14,039
- That's not real fur.
- Oh, shit!
1393
01:12:15,207 --> 01:12:16,207
Right.
1394
01:12:16,250 --> 01:12:18,544
Honestly, get out of here.
Take your humans!
1395
01:12:18,627 --> 01:12:20,796
The guy in the bowtie,
he's gonna go first!
1396
01:12:20,879 --> 01:12:23,007
Camera crew, get out of here!
1397
01:12:23,090 --> 01:12:24,758
Quick! Take all your clothes off
1398
01:12:24,842 --> 01:12:26,468
that you want to keep, everyone!
1399
01:12:26,552 --> 01:12:28,012
Get that army surplus jacket off.
1400
01:12:28,095 --> 01:12:29,722
You've only just bought that, Nathan.
1401
01:12:31,807 --> 01:12:33,684
Get that camera
out of my face!
1402
01:12:33,767 --> 01:12:35,769
Guys, guys, guys.
Let's go. Let's go. Come on!
1403
01:12:37,479 --> 01:12:39,648
Run, Stu! Run! No!
1404
01:12:41,608 --> 01:12:43,152
Let's go, let's go!
1405
01:12:48,449 --> 01:12:50,284
- They're coming, guys!
- Shit!
1406
01:12:50,659 --> 01:12:51,994
I got one!
1407
01:13:10,012 --> 01:13:11,597
My leg! My leg!
1408
01:13:16,977 --> 01:13:18,103
Oh, God!
1409
01:13:18,520 --> 01:13:19,813
Stu! Stu!
1410
01:13:19,980 --> 01:13:21,523
Stu!
1411
01:13:26,153 --> 01:13:27,196
Stu!
1412
01:13:28,447 --> 01:13:29,823
Get away! Argh!
1413
01:13:30,949 --> 01:13:32,367
Stu, are you all right?
1414
01:13:32,451 --> 01:13:33,702
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
1415
01:13:33,786 --> 01:13:34,787
Stu!
1416
01:13:36,038 --> 01:13:37,081
Stu!
1417
01:13:38,290 --> 01:13:39,875
Fuck off, asshole!
1418
01:13:40,793 --> 01:13:41,794
Fuck off!
1419
01:13:43,295 --> 01:13:46,006
Fuck off! Get off, dick!
1420
01:13:48,133 --> 01:13:49,927
You stinking gang of assholes!
1421
01:13:52,721 --> 01:13:54,389
No, no, no, no. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
1422
01:13:55,349 --> 01:13:57,101
Stupid werewolves!
1423
01:13:57,184 --> 01:13:59,895
Look away, Nick! Don't look at the blood!
1424
01:13:59,978 --> 01:14:01,897
No, Stu! Stu!
1425
01:14:02,689 --> 01:14:05,275
He was a really good dude.
Leave him alone!
1426
01:14:05,359 --> 01:14:06,360
It's too late for him!
1427
01:14:06,443 --> 01:14:07,945
Don't look at the blood, Nick.
1428
01:14:08,028 --> 01:14:09,029
Stu!
1429
01:14:20,624 --> 01:14:22,417
There he is.
1430
01:14:24,169 --> 01:14:26,088
He's probably still a little upset,
1431
01:14:26,171 --> 01:14:30,175
having seen his best friend
disemboweled by werewolves.
1432
01:14:32,886 --> 01:14:35,430
Nick, I found you.
1433
01:14:37,516 --> 01:14:38,600
Whoa.
1434
01:14:40,978 --> 01:14:42,980
That was pretty full-on, eh.
1435
01:14:48,986 --> 01:14:51,446
But this is what happens
when you are a vampire.
1436
01:14:52,531 --> 01:14:54,783
You have to watch everyone die.
1437
01:14:56,869 --> 01:15:00,080
Your mother and father. All your friends.
1438
01:15:00,873 --> 01:15:02,291
Sometimes brutal.
1439
01:15:04,918 --> 01:15:08,297
Like slipping and falling
onto a giant spike,
1440
01:15:08,380 --> 01:15:12,718
or falling asleep
in an autumn pile of leaves
1441
01:15:13,385 --> 01:15:16,638
and having some of them
block your windpipe.
1442
01:15:17,598 --> 01:15:23,187
Or making the simple mistake
of fashioning a mask out of crackers,
1443
01:15:23,270 --> 01:15:28,400
and being attacked by ducks,
geese, swans.
1444
01:15:29,443 --> 01:15:31,236
Or simply dying of old age.
1445
01:15:34,406 --> 01:15:36,366
But even old age is brutal.
1446
01:15:37,284 --> 01:15:39,828
Watching your friends grow old.
1447
01:15:40,120 --> 01:15:42,289
They can't piss.
1448
01:15:42,372 --> 01:15:45,250
And they say stupid things,
and their brains go,
1449
01:15:45,334 --> 01:15:48,170
and they can't remember anything.
1450
01:15:50,088 --> 01:15:53,592
And then, one day,
they can't even remember who you are.
1451
01:15:55,260 --> 01:15:56,595
And you wish they were dead.
1452
01:15:57,596 --> 01:15:59,181
And then they do die.
1453
01:16:03,018 --> 01:16:05,604
No. If I know Stu,
1454
01:16:06,521 --> 01:16:09,191
this was probably
the way he wanted to go.
1455
01:16:09,733 --> 01:16:12,069
Disemboweled by werewolves.
1456
01:16:13,278 --> 01:16:16,240
Blood and guts splayed onto the trees.
1457
01:16:16,698 --> 01:16:18,617
His face torn to shreds.
1458
01:16:28,961 --> 01:16:31,171
I hope I made you feel better.
1459
01:16:37,719 --> 01:16:39,972
Uh, well, from what we can
see and what we can gather,
1460
01:16:40,055 --> 01:16:42,307
it looks like
there's been a bit of a dog attack.
1461
01:16:42,391 --> 01:16:45,227
That's really what happens when you
get, you know, dangerous dogs
1462
01:16:45,310 --> 01:16:47,062
out on the streets, not being looked after.
1463
01:16:47,145 --> 01:16:48,480
This is not good.
1464
01:16:49,273 --> 01:16:50,816
No, not good at all.
1465
01:16:51,775 --> 01:16:54,569
There's nicer ways to go
than being torn apart by, uh,
1466
01:16:54,653 --> 01:16:56,196
what looks like a pack of dogs.
1467
01:16:56,280 --> 01:16:57,880
- More than just one.
- Yeah, I'd say so.
1468
01:16:57,906 --> 01:16:59,676
These attacks are becoming
more and more frequent.
1469
01:16:59,700 --> 01:17:01,636
They're happening on a monthly basis,
and it's just...
1470
01:17:01,660 --> 01:17:03,078
It's no good for anybody, okay?
1471
01:17:03,161 --> 01:17:05,414
Especially not the dogs.
Certainly not the community.
1472
01:17:05,497 --> 01:17:08,583
Here, O'Leary. I got the bastard.
One of them here.
1473
01:17:08,667 --> 01:17:10,353
And that's what I'm talking about.
Look at it.
1474
01:17:10,377 --> 01:17:12,504
End of the day,
this dog is gonna have to be put down.
1475
01:17:12,838 --> 01:17:14,172
What a shame.
1476
01:17:15,716 --> 01:17:17,509
Look what you did. Eh?
1477
01:17:18,343 --> 01:17:19,862
Now, he's got the scent again, hasn't he?
1478
01:17:19,886 --> 01:17:21,406
He wants to go again. He's not finished.
1479
01:17:21,430 --> 01:17:22,472
Yeah.
1480
01:17:50,751 --> 01:17:54,796
They say that vampires'
hearts are cold and dead.
1481
01:17:55,297 --> 01:17:57,341
Definitely dead.
1482
01:17:57,424 --> 01:17:58,717
Bye, Stu.
1483
01:17:58,800 --> 01:18:00,510
He would've loved this scarf.
1484
01:18:00,594 --> 01:18:02,763
It's a lovely loose knit.
1485
01:18:03,347 --> 01:18:06,767
But I don't know.
I think I still feel things inside it.
1486
01:18:10,979 --> 01:18:12,147
Deacon!
1487
01:18:13,398 --> 01:18:14,566
Deacon!
1488
01:18:14,649 --> 01:18:15,984
Deacon, wakey-wakey. Hey.
1489
01:18:16,068 --> 01:18:17,068
Viago...
1490
01:18:17,110 --> 01:18:20,489
You were asleep in here with the
curtains open. It's nearly morning.
1491
01:18:20,572 --> 01:18:22,574
- Oh.
- You want to get sizzled to a crisp?
1492
01:18:23,158 --> 01:18:25,827
You know you've got
to think a little bit about these things.
1493
01:18:25,911 --> 01:18:27,329
Okay. Sorry, Viago.
1494
01:18:27,412 --> 01:18:28,538
No, it's okay.
1495
01:18:28,622 --> 01:18:30,832
- Night-night.
- Night-night. Okay.
1496
01:18:56,858 --> 01:19:00,320
Received at 4:20 a.m.
1497
01:19:21,967 --> 01:19:22,968
Ah!
1498
01:19:23,301 --> 01:19:24,970
- Stu!
- Hey, Deacon.
1499
01:19:25,262 --> 01:19:27,389
- Stu!
- How's it?
1500
01:19:27,472 --> 01:19:28,473
Good to see you.
1501
01:19:28,557 --> 01:19:29,599
Look at his face.
1502
01:19:29,683 --> 01:19:31,059
I saw them tear you to shreds.
1503
01:19:31,143 --> 01:19:32,727
Look, he looks like Seal.
1504
01:19:32,811 --> 01:19:33,812
They didn't kill me.
1505
01:19:33,895 --> 01:19:34,896
It looks cool.
1506
01:19:34,980 --> 01:19:36,231
Thank you, thank you.
1507
01:19:36,314 --> 01:19:37,607
Meet some of our friends.
1508
01:19:38,024 --> 01:19:39,025
Anton...
1509
01:19:39,109 --> 01:19:40,944
Deacon. Hi, Anton.
1510
01:19:41,027 --> 01:19:42,279
Anton.
1511
01:19:45,449 --> 01:19:47,325
I must have blacked out.
1512
01:19:47,409 --> 01:19:49,244
And then I remember an ambulance.
1513
01:19:49,327 --> 01:19:50,787
He's going into shock,
O'Leary!
1514
01:19:50,871 --> 01:19:52,231
- Yeah, yeah. I'm on it.
- O'Leary!
1515
01:19:52,289 --> 01:19:53,832
Yeah, coming.
1516
01:19:53,915 --> 01:19:55,459
Okay. Just calm down, mate.
1517
01:19:55,542 --> 01:19:56,877
Calm down. Grab his legs!
1518
01:19:57,419 --> 01:19:58,420
Just hang on a moment.
1519
01:19:59,671 --> 01:20:00,839
Looks like rabies,
doesn't it?
1520
01:20:00,922 --> 01:20:02,642
And I don't know how
long after that it was,
1521
01:20:02,716 --> 01:20:05,260
but I, like, woke up and it was daytime.
1522
01:20:10,557 --> 01:20:12,476
And I couldn't find my clothes.
1523
01:20:14,769 --> 01:20:18,148
Those werewolf guys, um,
eventually found me,
1524
01:20:18,523 --> 01:20:21,443
and they had some...
They lent me some pants.
1525
01:20:23,111 --> 01:20:25,155
So, yeah,
those guys have been supporting me,
1526
01:20:25,238 --> 01:20:26,865
'cause I was quite confused.
1527
01:20:29,075 --> 01:20:31,235
Yeah, these are the guys
who turned me into a werewolf.
1528
01:20:33,205 --> 01:20:34,664
Did you knit your own jersey?
1529
01:20:34,915 --> 01:20:36,208
- Yes.
- Oh, yeah.
1530
01:20:36,416 --> 01:20:38,251
- I knit.
- Is that the moon, or...
1531
01:20:38,376 --> 01:20:39,377
Yes.
1532
01:20:39,461 --> 01:20:41,087
Hopefully, we won't, you know...
1533
01:20:44,049 --> 01:20:45,425
Oh, this is a nice place.
1534
01:20:45,509 --> 01:20:50,180
Please,
don't lick anything or pee on anything.
1535
01:20:50,263 --> 01:20:51,806
We were worried at first, you know.
1536
01:20:51,890 --> 01:20:54,330
We thought, "Oh, they're just
going to urinate on everything."
1537
01:20:54,768 --> 01:20:56,937
But they're actually really polite
and pretty clean.
1538
01:20:58,396 --> 01:21:00,690
There was obviously that werewolf smell,
1539
01:21:00,774 --> 01:21:04,361
which permeated the entire house
for the first half an hour.
1540
01:21:04,444 --> 01:21:07,197
But we opened some windows
and got rid of that.
1541
01:21:07,280 --> 01:21:08,823
When Stu first
suggested the idea,
1542
01:21:08,907 --> 01:21:10,659
I thought, "No way. You know,
1543
01:21:10,742 --> 01:21:12,869
"walking into the vampires' den.
That's ludicrous."
1544
01:21:12,953 --> 01:21:14,204
That's my hand.
1545
01:21:14,287 --> 01:21:16,081
But I thought,
"Well, we'll give it a shot."
1546
01:21:16,164 --> 01:21:18,500
You know, I mean,
I'm the alpha male, so I made the call.
1547
01:21:18,583 --> 01:21:20,502
- I'm the alpha male.
- Yes.
1548
01:21:20,585 --> 01:21:23,505
So, generally,
all the other guys follow me.
1549
01:21:23,588 --> 01:21:24,631
- To Stu!
- To Stu!
1550
01:21:24,714 --> 01:21:25,715
Thanks, guys.
1551
01:21:25,799 --> 01:21:27,509
What have you done to your face?
1552
01:21:27,592 --> 01:21:29,844
I got attacked by some werewolves.
1553
01:21:29,928 --> 01:21:32,973
Ooh, I met a werewolf.
Seemed a very nice person.
1554
01:21:33,682 --> 01:21:35,183
So Katherine is a vampire now.
1555
01:21:35,267 --> 01:21:36,268
Yes.
1556
01:21:36,351 --> 01:21:38,019
Yeah, we decided to get together.
1557
01:21:38,103 --> 01:21:39,580
We just thought,
"To hell with it," you know?
1558
01:21:39,604 --> 01:21:41,106
"What have we got to lose?"
1559
01:21:41,481 --> 01:21:44,025
I was just sitting, doing nothing,
1560
01:21:44,109 --> 01:21:47,112
and he came floating in and over to me,
1561
01:21:47,195 --> 01:21:49,823
and I recognized him. It was wonderful.
1562
01:21:50,949 --> 01:21:52,093
That's right. I bit you on the neck.
1563
01:21:52,117 --> 01:21:53,159
That's right.
1564
01:21:55,245 --> 01:21:57,372
And I don't mind being a vampire.
1565
01:21:57,455 --> 01:21:58,999
I'm enjoying it.
1566
01:22:00,625 --> 01:22:03,211
Some people freak out a bit
about the age difference.
1567
01:22:03,295 --> 01:22:06,298
They think,
"What's this 96-year-old lady doing
1568
01:22:06,381 --> 01:22:08,842
"with a guy four times her age?"
1569
01:22:08,925 --> 01:22:10,468
And, you know, I don't care.
1570
01:22:10,552 --> 01:22:11,845
It doesn't make any difference.
1571
01:22:11,928 --> 01:22:14,097
No, they can call me "cradle-snatcher."
Who cares?
1572
01:22:14,556 --> 01:22:17,684
I decided to bite her,
and we're gonna be together forever.
1573
01:22:17,767 --> 01:22:19,185
- Wonderful.
- Yeah.
1574
01:22:35,035 --> 01:22:38,788
Pauline and I are
tentatively back together.
1575
01:22:38,997 --> 01:22:41,333
But it's not long before you remember
1576
01:22:41,416 --> 01:22:43,918
why it was you broke up in the first place.
1577
01:22:49,007 --> 01:22:50,133
We'll start in our bedroom.
1578
01:22:50,216 --> 01:22:53,219
I need it totally boarded up
or blacked out somehow.
1579
01:22:53,303 --> 01:22:54,804
My husband is my familiar,
1580
01:22:54,888 --> 01:22:57,724
so there has been a dynamic shift there.
1581
01:22:57,807 --> 01:22:59,768
You could buy a BeDazzler.
So write that down.
1582
01:22:59,851 --> 01:23:01,251
- Yeah.
- Because... That's B-E-D...
1583
01:23:01,311 --> 01:23:04,105
I feel like
I'm who I'm really meant to be now.
1584
01:23:04,272 --> 01:23:06,191
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
1585
01:23:06,274 --> 01:23:07,359
Great.
1586
01:23:08,193 --> 01:23:09,903
But I am your master.
1587
01:23:09,986 --> 01:23:11,738
- Okay?
- Yeah.
1588
01:23:12,364 --> 01:23:14,658
Yeah, these guys have
to laugh at my jokes. Right, guys?
1589
01:23:14,741 --> 01:23:16,201
Yeah.
1590
01:23:16,785 --> 01:23:17,786
That is a good one, man.
1591
01:23:17,869 --> 01:23:19,972
I always look round
and make sure they're all laughing.
1592
01:23:19,996 --> 01:23:21,873
If I see one of them is not quite laughing,
1593
01:23:21,956 --> 01:23:23,142
I'll go, "Hey. Are you laughing?"
1594
01:23:23,166 --> 01:23:25,919
And then often I'll test you.
What were you laughing at, Clifton?
1595
01:23:26,002 --> 01:23:27,629
- Eh?
- What are you laughing at now?
1596
01:23:27,712 --> 01:23:29,631
- Just then?
- Yeah, but what?
1597
01:23:29,714 --> 01:23:31,049
Oh, I don't know, 'cause you...
1598
01:23:31,132 --> 01:23:32,532
Oh, test failed! Test failed! Yeah!
1599
01:23:34,094 --> 01:23:36,721
You're laughing now.
What are you laughing at now, though?
1600
01:23:36,805 --> 01:23:37,889
I don't know 'cause...
1601
01:23:37,972 --> 01:23:39,641
Oh, another failure!
1602
01:23:40,892 --> 01:23:42,727
Well, what are you laughing at, Stu?
1603
01:23:42,811 --> 01:23:44,312
I was laughing with the group.
1604
01:23:44,396 --> 01:23:47,440
Yep. That's good. That's good.
Yeah, he's in. See? Yeah.
1605
01:23:47,524 --> 01:23:49,609
Just pay attention. Pay attention.
1606
01:23:49,693 --> 01:23:50,694
Laugh with the group.
1607
01:23:50,777 --> 01:23:51,778
Laugh with the group.
1608
01:25:28,082 --> 01:25:30,668
You will not remember
the last hour and a half
1609
01:25:30,752 --> 01:25:32,754
of what you have just seen.
1610
01:25:33,630 --> 01:25:37,717
You will forget the contents
of this movie.