1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:07,283
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

2
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:11,016
<i>♪ Christmas ♪</i>

3
00:00:11,111 --> 00:00:15,617
<i>♪ Well, it's Christmas time,
pretty baby ♪</i>

4
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,855
<i>♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪</i>

5
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:22,195
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

6
00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:26,635
<i>♪ Well, it's Christmas time,
pretty baby ♪</i>

7
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,570
<i>♪ And the snow is on the ground ♪</i>

8
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:33,042
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

9
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:37,138
<i>♪ Well, you be a real good little girl ♪</i>

10
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:39,343
<i>♪ Santa Claus is back in town ♪</i>

11
00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:44,549
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

12
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:48,422
<i>♪ Got no sleigh with reindeer
No sack on my back ♪</i>

13
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:53,157
<i>♪ You're gonna see me comin'
In a big black Cadillac ♪</i>

14
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:56,895
<i>♪ Whoa, it's Christmas time,
pretty baby ♪</i>

15
00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:59,266
<i>♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪</i>

16
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:03,569
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

17
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:10,172
<i>♪ Well, you be</i> a <i>real good little baby
Santa Claus is back in town ♪</i>

18
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,545
<i>♪ Christmas ♪</i>

19
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,607
- What the fuck?

20
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,418
- [yells in foreign language]
- [arguing, indistinctly]

21
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:18,719
<i>♪ Hang up your pretty stockings
And turn off the light ♪</i>

22
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:21,589
- [speaks in foreign language]
- [blabbers]

23
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:24,390
<i>♪ Down yum chimney tonight
Ooh ♪</i>

24
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:27,193
You think I want this piece of shit?
Fuck you!

25
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:30,428
<i>♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪</i>

26
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,973
<i>- ♪ Well, you be a real good little baby ♪
- Hey, hey, hey!</i>

27
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,771
- Get away!
- Fuck you!

28
00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:40,538
[head valet] Horny drunk!

29
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:46,984
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

30
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:51,648
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

31
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,225
<i>[Willie] Let's just say my whole life</i>

32
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,955
<i>has been one long fucking
miserable nightmare most of the time.</i>

33
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,496
<i>And pure shit on a good day.</i>

34
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:00,929
[whispers] Goddamn it.

35
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:04,068
<i>[Willie] Yeah, I guess there have been
a few dull bright spots here and there.</i>

36
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,125
[whispers] Fuck it.

37
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:06,936
<i>Like</i> a <i>piece of ass
who didn't look me in the eye</i>

38
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,600
<i>or wanna show me pictures
of her fucking vacation.</i>

39
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:13,110
<i>Or a good drunk
when I didn't choke on my own vomit.</i>

40
00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:15,737
<i>- Ah!
- I even almost had</i> a <i>friend once.</i>

41
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:18,305
<i>Sure, he was</i> a <i>mouth-breathing,
snot dripping 8-year-old</i>

42
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,646
<i>who couldn't find his fat ass
with both hands,</i>

43
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,243
<i>but he was clueless enough to think</i>

44
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:25,984
<i>I wasn't the worthless piece of shit
everybody else thinks I am.</i>

45
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,353
<i>Including me.</i>

46
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:33,590
<i>I also found what was the closest thing
I ever had to an actual girlfriend.</i>

47
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:38,364
<i>She liked the job I had at the time,
especially while I was in uniform.</i>

48
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:41,302
<i>Sounds like a happy ending, don't it?</i>

49
00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:42,472
<i>- But, you see...
- [unzips pants]</i>

50
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,942
<i>you can only puke in somebody's lap
so many times</i>

51
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,274
<i>before the romance takes</i> a <i>shit.</i>

52
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:51,848
<i>And the kid,
he still creeps around every now and then</i>

53
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:53,349
<i>and I still chase him off.</i>

54
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,215
<i>For his own good.</i>

55
00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:59,622
<i>So you see, happy endings are bullshit.</i>

56
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,524
<i>Actually, there aren't such things
as endings at all,</i>

57
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,391
<i>because when some shit gets over with,</i>

58
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:07,465
<i>some other whole thing starts
that sucks ass.</i>

59
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,660
<i>Merry fucking Christmas.</i>

60
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,135
[Scoffs]

61
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:14,364
[remote control thuds]

62
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:23,177
<i>♪ Oh, there's no place like home
For the holidays ♪</i>

63
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:27,707
<i>♪ 'Cause no matter
how far away you roam ♪</i>

64
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:36,854
<i>♪ When you pine for the sunshine
Of</i> a <i>friendly gaze ♪</i>

65
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:42,594
<i>♪ For the holidays
You can't beat home sweet home ♪</i>

66
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:49,739
<i>♪ I met a man who fives in Tennessee ♪</i>

67
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:54,779
<i>♪ And he was headin' for Pennsylvania ♪</i>

68
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:58,406
<i>♪ And some homemade pumpkin pie ♪</i>

69
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:04,747
<i>♪ From Pennsylvania folks are trav'ling ♪</i>

70
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:08,793
<i>♪ Down to Dixie's sunny shore ♪</i>

71
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:12,694
<i>♪ From Atlantic to Pacific ♪
[gulps]</i>

72
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,962
<i>♪ Gee, the traffic is terrific ♪</i>

73
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:18,935
Goddamn it.

74
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:24,475
<i>♪ Oh, there's no place like home
For the holidays ♪</i>

75
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,776
<i>♪ For the holidays ♪</i>

76
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,144
<i>♪ You can't beat home sweet home ♪</i>

77
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,614
[sighs deeply]

78
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:41,485
- [grunts, gags]
- [knocking on door]

79
00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:45,256
- [Thurman] Willie?
- [knocks on door]

80
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:49,824
- Willie? It's me, Thurman.
- [Willie gagging]

81
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:54,338
Willie, what are you doing?
Did you get yourself stuck up there?

82
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,972
- [grunts] '[groans]

83
00:04:58,064 --> 00:05:02,103
Okay, I'll go. But this package
came to my house for you, Willie.

84
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,809
There's a lot of money in it.
And a phone.

85
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:05,975
And a note.

86
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,079
What? Chair!

87
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:13,448
- Chair?
- Chair!

88
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:15,182
Chair.

89
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,328
Give me the goddamn chair.

90
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,759
- Willie, you fell.
- [Willie groans]

91
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:26,661
Goddamn. Are you
a complete fucking retard?

92
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,674
No. The Hungry Hoagies people tested me.
I'm top of the spectrum.

93
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,937
So they made me
a full-time sandwich consultant.

94
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:36,503
- Well, I'm glad you followed your passion.
- What's that smell?

95
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:40,149
Is the oven on?
Are you making Hot Pockets?

96
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,312
We do hot sandwiches
at Hungry Hoagies now.

97
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:44,651
But I always burn my hand
getting them out of oven.

98
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:47,988
Darlene says I should put butter
on my hand, but that's stupid.

99
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:51,188
We only put butter on food.
Hand isn't food.

100
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,794
<i>♪ Merry Merry Christmas ♪</i>

101
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,729
<i>♪ Christmas everywhere ♪</i>

102
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,196
<i>♪ Merry Merry Christmas ♪</i>

103
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,367
I know we left on bad terms.

104
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:08,036
But you gotta understand,
it was only business.

105
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,374
We were partners.

106
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:12,006
And I broke that sacred bond.
It's not an excuse.

107
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:13,983
But Lois got all up in my kitchen.

108
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,715
Crazy bitch had me all turned around
with her magical Laotian pussy.

109
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:21,987
- Don't blame it on the snapper.
- I was pussy-blind. I'm ashamed.

110
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,086
You tried to murder me, you little prick.
Remember that?

111
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,358
And not with some
little nubbin-dick gun,

112
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:29,692
but with adult
man-sized bullets.

113
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:33,397
- And now I'm hereto make it up to you,
- Why are you even out of the joint anyway?

114
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:36,997
Some pity case
on account of you're a genetic defect?

115
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,703
You know, they used to
sterilize guys like you.

116
00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:42,770
Keep the world from becoming
some Negro Land of Oz.

117
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:46,043
Shut the fuck up!
Early release. Overcrowding.

118
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:48,017
Well, it must've been packed to the gills

119
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,611
if they couldn't cram
your three-foot ass in there.

120
00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:54,681
We got a job, Willie. That two grand
is just to show I'm serious.

121
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,056
Can you still crack a safe?

122
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:58,392
Or did you get carpal tunnel
from jacking off'?

123
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:02,365
- I can crack just fine, thanks.
- I'm talking millions this time.

124
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,567
- Where at?
- Chi-Town.

125
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:08,572
I thought you were all done
with the gooks.

126
00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:12,236
Chicago, you racist moron fuck!

127
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:15,246
I got an associate out there
who has got this thing all lined up.

128
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:18,442
- What associate?
- I'm not at liberty to disclose just yet.

129
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,074
But they know your work.

130
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:24,088
And they want to bring us in and put us up
in some fine-ass metropolitan digs

131
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,646
and finance the whole operation.

132
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,323
You're outta your fucking skull.

133
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,554
What are you gonna do?
Try and kill yourself again?

134
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,927
That's none of your
goddamn business what I do.

135
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,897
Don't let the door hit you in the ass.

136
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,799
Or I won't let it hit me in the ass.
Whatever the fuck it is.

137
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,132
Did you
even score once while I was away?

138
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:42,833
I'm talking two mil here.

139
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:45,341
That's a lot of fat-ass bitches
and whiskey.

140
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,305
Fuck you.

141
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,973
Why do you have to go so soon?
We just got back together.

142
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,074
Cut that shit out.
We're not back together.

143
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,484
Guess you don't know what today is.

144
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:58,614
[sighs] I don't even know
what fucking year it is, kid.

145
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,589
It's my birthday.

146
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,093
- Today is your fucking birthday?
- Uh-huh.

147
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,254
I'm 21. Officially a man.

148
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:09,198
Goddamn. You're 21 already.
That's creepy.

149
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:12,463
- Are you still gonna pop my cherry?
- Am I gonna what?

150
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:14,767
No! Fuck no!

151
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:18,370
But you said that when I was 21
that you'd pop my cherry.

152
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:21,378
I said I'd get it done by somebody else.

153
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:25,109
Besides that, I'm a fucking guy.
You didn't turn funny, did you'?

154
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:27,476
Am I funny?

155
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:31,486
So you haven't done it with anybody yet.

156
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:34,855
Not a man or a woman
or an animal or anything.

157
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,552
No, I waited for you.

158
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:41,394
- But surely, you jerked off or...
- You mean masturbate, don't you?

159
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:44,196
Well, if you wanna be scientific,
yeah, I guess so.

160
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:45,291
My friend Ronnie says,

161
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,838
ifs when you play with your wiener
and think about your mother.

162
00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:51,138
I did it once, but it felt weird.

163
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:54,474
She's in heaven with God,
you know. Watching me.

164
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,578
[car honking]

165
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:08,186
Okay, so here's how it's gonna go down.
He's already asked me where his cherry is.

166
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,694
So you could tell him
to put his dick in your purse

167
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,730
and he wouldn't know
any fucking difference.

168
00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:14,890
It's gonna be the easiest 20 bucks
you ever made.

169
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:17,662
Twenty bucks? [scoffs]

170
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,726
You must be high
on some strong shit, Willie.

171
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:23,103
A hundred. Or I'm gonna carry my ass
outta this old piece of a room right now.

172
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:25,676
All right.
Fifty, or <i>I'll</i> just go get your mother.

173
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:27,867
Sixty.

174
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:29,669
All right.

175
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,342
And nothing up my ass.
You done took all that, Willie.

176
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,440
[softly] Okay.

177
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,453
Well, let's get to it.
I gotta pick up my grandson from ballet.

178
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,921
- Can I fix you a sandwich?
- [chuckles] No.

179
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,856
- I got your sandwich, baby.
- Willie, I made you a sandwich.

180
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,862
I ain't sticking around.
Just give it to Opal after.

181
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,420
Now, listen, here's how it works.

182
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:49,693
She's gonna pull her rig off.
And she's gonna get on all fours.

183
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:53,033
Now, you stand behind her
and drop your rig.

184
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,870
Then, you're gonna see something that
looks like some kind of Japanese food.

185
00:09:56,930 --> 00:10:00,036
It ain't, so don't eat it.
That's the bulls-eye.

186
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,774
Then you just start tugging
on your little soldier.

187
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:05,406
Wait till he gets to attention,
then poke him in there.

188
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:08,043
Keep poking it in there till he spits up.

189
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,351
[Willie] You're gonna need a raincoat.

190
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,753
She'll have one,
so don't worry about that.

191
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:15,258
As soon as you're done,
run to the bathroom, wash your crotch.

192
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:18,660
That way, you don't wake up wondering
why you got oatmeal in your carpet.

193
00:10:18,751 --> 00:10:21,231
Breathe through your mouth
so that you don't puke.

194
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,894
Shouldn't be a problem for you.
You got it?

195
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,438
- [whispers] You got 60 bucks?
- No.

196
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:29,337
- What you got?
- I have $20.

197
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:30,772
Keep it down.

198
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:35,171
[whispers] I have 20.
- Give it to her after.

199
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,679
[car honking]

200
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:38,908
- Later, Opal.
- Mm-hmm.

201
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,679
Come on, baby. Come on.

202
00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:43,982
Get a bite of this pumpernickel bread.

203
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,615
Damn it, Willie. Hurry up!
We're gonna miss our train.

204
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:50,024
You see me walking backwards, asshole?
I'm coming.

205
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,464
[Opal] Kid, get over here
and take your pants off.

206
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,295
[Thurman] No!

207
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,698
<i>[door closes]</i>

208
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,662
- Ah, fuck.
- [engine accelerates]

209
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:04,173
<i>♪ Sleigh bells ring
Are you listening? ♪</i>

210
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:08,041
<i>♪ In the lane snow is glistening ♪</i>

211
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:12,344
<i>♪ A beautiful sight
We're happy tonight ♪</i>

212
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:15,510
<i>♪ Walking in</i> a <i>winter wonderland ♪</i>

213
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:22,218
<i>♪ Gone away is the bluebird
In his place is a new bird ♪</i>

214
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,226
Here's your ID.

215
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:30,225
- "Randall Cook"?
- What the fuck wrong with that'?

216
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,530
Randall sounds Irish.
I want something whiter.

217
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,629
I'm Davis, you're Cook.
End of fucking story.

218
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,642
You got one job this time. Open a safe.

219
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:42,475
Till then, just keep your drunken
deviant fucking mouth shut.

220
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,081
You know what you need?
You need some pussy.

221
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:48,550
I'll see if I can find you
a cat somewhere.

222
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,318
Put that shit away.

223
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,688
[Willie] "Giving City Foundation.

224
00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:03,324
Bringing food and shelter
to those in need."

225
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,926
Hold the fucking phone.

226
00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:09,734
I traveled all the way across the country
to rob a goddamn charity?

227
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,433
Why? You got a problem with that?

228
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,602
Yeah, you damn right
I got a problem with it.

229
00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,582
No way these assholes
have 2 million bucks.

230
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:20,276
Will you keep it down, man. Moron.

231
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,212
[softly] I don't know.

232
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:25,688
["Joy to the World" playing]

233
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:29,283
- I see they made you some chairs already.
- Fuck you.

234
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,063
He's Cook. I'm Davis.
We're here for the orientation.

235
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:41,200
Empty your pockets.
Place any metal items in the tray.

236
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:44,737
[thudding]

237
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:47,208
[slashes]
- What's that?

238
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,277
- Cough medicine.
- Let me see that.

239
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,208
[guard sniffs]

240
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:59,287
That's a level three contraband.
I'm gonna have to compensate that.

241
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:00,881
The fuck you are.

242
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:04,793
All right, big shot.
You can stay out here with your GD flask.

243
00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:07,922
- We'll get it on the way out.
- Gina!

244
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:09,898
[guard] Show these boys to the line-up.
They're late.

245
00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:12,300
Meeting started ten minutes ago.

246
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,770
But I think I can sneak you guys in.
Come on.

247
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,770
["Joy to the World" playing]

248
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:32,020
- Hey, Diane! I got two more.
- Come on in, fellas.

249
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:34,614
- Goddamn.
- [Marcus] That's Diane Hastings.

250
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,160
She and her husband run the joint.

251
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,560
[Diane] So like I was saying,
finish filling out these forms

252
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:41,360
and you can drop them off
at the front desk, please.

253
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:44,264
And then, you can go to the common room
and pick up your uniforms.

254
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:47,100
I bet that pussy got lips
like an orangutan.

255
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:52,775
- Excuse me, Mr...
- Um, Cook. Randall Cook.

256
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,711
- What's up?
- Have you been drinking?

257
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:59,477
Uh, I don't know. Some vodka...

258
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:02,782
Because we don't allow alcohol
or drugs of any kind at Giving City.

259
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:03,946
Why's that?

260
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:08,390
You may not be aware of this, Mr. Cook,
but we're a charity.

261
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,492
When you walk out those doors,
you're representing us.

262
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:14,464
- So please try and make us look good.
- Oh, we'll make you look great.

263
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,625
- [Marcus] Promise.
- Yeah.

264
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:19,163
[Willie] Mmm.

265
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,694
A hard-on?

266
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,137
[Marcus] You sick fuck.

267
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,233
I'm the one that's been in prison
for ten years.

268
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:27,743
It's just a semi.
Don't get all bent out of shape.

269
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:29,404
Shut the fuck up.

270
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:31,311
Ho, ho, ho. What's up, Santas?

271
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,771
Hey, don't forget to remind people,

272
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:35,317
if they don't have cash,
they can always text in their donation.

273
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:37,378
Give me some. Yeah.

274
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,684
Hey, Di. ls it the midget
that's fully proportional?

275
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,290
- Or is it the dwarf?
- [Diane whispers] Regent.

276
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,458
- What?
- You can't say that word.

277
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,484
Hey, I'm gonna be home
late again tonight.

278
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,530
End-of-the-year accounting stuff. [scoffs]

279
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,327
See you, babe.

280
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:50,833
[woman] Thank you
for helping us out again.

281
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,700
Goddamn it.

282
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,397
Sir? This way, please.

283
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:56,838
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.
Don't be touching me.

284
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,376
- Merry Christmas.
- Yeah, whatever.

285
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:00,775
Lying little fuck.

286
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:03,370
You didn't tell me I'd have to get
in the fucking suit again.

287
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:07,282
I thought it would be a bonus.
And I just wanna remind you of something.

288
00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:10,718
It's Christmas.
A time for forgiveness. For family.

289
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:12,586
I'm gonna remind you to fuck yourself.

290
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:15,386
Ronald Davis.
I was told you have a suit to fit me.

291
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:18,452
Oh, yes. I have it right here.

292
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:23,423
No. I need a Santa suit.
This is an elf suit.

293
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,127
I'm supposed to be a Santa.

294
00:15:25,224 --> 00:15:28,762
Oh, sorry about the confusion.
That's all we have in your size.

295
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:35,210
Uh, I do have a gingerbread man costume
in a child's large, if you prefer.

296
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,770
I guess there is a God.

297
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,746
[woman] Step right up. Don't be shy.

298
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:42,878
Shitstick! What's it been?
Fifteen years? Twen...

299
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:50,422
Well, one thing hasn't changed.
You still hit like your fucking father.

300
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:54,056
<i>Fucking associate. No goddamn way.</i>

301
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,463
[chuckles]

302
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,593
Not working with that poison bitch.
Never again.

303
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,797
You tricked me, you little shithole!

304
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,099
You know fucking well you did.

305
00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:04,402
But I thought your dad
was the one you hated.

306
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:08,002
I hate him more than anything
in the goddamn world! Except her.

307
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:09,738
[siren wailing]

308
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,679
[Marcus] Willie, stop! Willie!

309
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:15,753
Okay, shitstick, just give me back
the money for the train ticket,

310
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:16,912
then we're square.

311
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,856
Or you could do your dumbass self a favor,
a! least hear me out before you quit.

312
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:28,425
[Sunny] Boy, you been selling
your blood for booze?

313
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:32,126
You look like a fucking albino scarecrow.

314
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:35,604
Anyway, still good to see you.

315
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,834
Uh, I can't say I feel the same.

316
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,346
Goddamn, what a shit hole.

317
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,143
- You conned me, you little prick.
- [Marcus] Fuck you!

318
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:48,117
Make yourselves at home.
Bedrooms mine.

319
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:51,951
That sofa folds out,
so you guys can fight over that.

320
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,854
I got chicken feet in the fridge.

321
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:58,653
- So that's what smells like nut sack.
- Boy, have a beer.

322
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:03,626
- I even got minis for the midget.
- Don't you ever fucking call me that.

323
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:07,227
Hey, listen, little man,
I don't speak politically correct,

324
00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:10,739
so if you got a problem with that,
you take it up with the Lollipop Guild.

325
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:14,403
Shut the hell up!
Just break it down for him, Sunny.

326
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,810
[Sunny] I'll break it down, all right.

327
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:20,078
Giving City is a charity
at 98 cents every dollar

328
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:22,015
goes to this A-hole at the top.

329
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:23,576
Regent Hastings.

330
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:26,748
He takes in tens of thousands
in donations,

331
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:29,383
and he squirrels them away
in an offshore account.

332
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:33,931
- And how are you supposed to get it?
- You mean, how are we supposed to get it?

333
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:38,400
These little buckets here,
they're filled with cash,

334
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,027
up to the brim, every day.

335
00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:44,541
And then at night, they store that cash
in the safe in Regent's office.

336
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:47,840
And that's our target. Right here.

337
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,244
Christmas Eve,
they have a big charity concert.

338
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,509
So while the kids and volunteers
are all singing,

339
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,712
the money's just sitting there,
waiting for an armored transfer.

340
00:17:55,775 --> 00:18:00,224
That's our take window.
Last year, the haul was almost 2 mil.

341
00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:03,624
- And how do you know all this shit?
- Because I work there, dumbass.

342
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:06,356
It's a part of my release from the joint.
I've been there 3 months.

343
00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:08,626
Just did a little digging,
a little Googling,

344
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,895
a dry hand job to Isaac
in Accounting. Boom.

345
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,904
The concert's in five days.

346
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,804
Meantime, we wear the suit,
hit the pavement,

347
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,041
we ring the bell,
just like the rest of the volunteers.

348
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:20,305
[Willie] All right.

349
00:18:20,399 --> 00:18:23,869
Well, it looks to me like you jackals
already got the whole job figured out.

350
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,746
What do you need me for'?
You can crack a fucking safe.

351
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,920
Well, I'd like to say
it's because I've missed you, my angel.

352
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:33,446
But I got a touch of the Parkinson's
and my hearing ain't what it used to be,

353
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:35,389
so I'm gonna need you on the safe.

354
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,587
Mmm.

355
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:41,223
And when do you pull your little
Roy Rogers pistol out on me again?

356
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:44,325
I said I was sorry.
You gotta let that shit go, Willie!

357
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:46,334
No, I think I'll hang on to it.

358
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:47,961
[Sunny] Oh, Christ.

359
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,631
If I cut ties with every numbnut
who tried to shoot me,

360
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,574
I never would've gotten pregnant with you.

361
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:56,603
[Sunny] Come on, boy.
Be just like old times.

362
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:58,307
- Old times?
- Mm-hmm.

363
00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:01,908
You mean a living fucking nightmare?
Why didn't you say so? I'm in.

364
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:05,281
You gotta be shitting me.
Good luck with the shakes.

365
00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:09,315
Willie, come on.
Just give it a chance. [sighs]

366
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:10,792
<i>[door closes]</i>

367
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,798
[gate creeks]

368
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,337
What, you don't trust your mother?

369
00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:22,804
Yeah, I trust her
about as far as I can throw you.

370
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,206
And I trust you
about as far as I can throw her.

371
00:19:25,297 --> 00:19:26,935
Come on, Willie, I need this.

372
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:30,537
And I know your sorry ass does too.
Look at you, man.

373
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:34,676
[coughs]

374
00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:44,826
Okay, if you want me in on this,
it's you and me against her.

375
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,329
You got it?

376
00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:49,855
She don't get a fucking nickel
of what's in that safe' Get me?

377
00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:53,528
- We'll out her out after the grab.
- Damn right.

378
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:56,640
<i>[door closes]</i>

379
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:05,478
I knew you couldn't stay away.
You always were your mama's boy.

380
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,144
You just pipe down
about the family stuff, okay?

381
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,517
I'm in this for the dough, period.
You get me'?

382
00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:13,352
Well, it's starting to feel
like Christmas.

383
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:14,755
[bell ringing]

384
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:17,054
Spare some change.

385
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:19,925
Think about somebody
besides your fucking selves.

386
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,659
We gotta get eyes on that safe.
Need to know the make.

387
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,259
Now you're asking
the right questions, shitstick.

388
00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:27,394
The trash chute's the best way in.

389
00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:29,204
I'm gonna need a hand
getting into position.

390
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,936
Recon. Good. We'll go tonight.

391
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,238
Look at those cheeks!

392
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:36,745
[chuckles]

393
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:39,282
That's the ugliest fucking baby
on the planet.

394
00:20:39,371 --> 00:20:42,011
- I guess the abortion didn't take.
[chuckles]

395
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:46,523
Well, bless your heart.
Cheap little fucker.

396
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,559
Fucking dimes? Are you shitting me?

397
00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:51,618
- This ain't no strip joint.
- What a fucking Sokes family.

398
00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:54,357
[Marcus] This is what happens
when you screw your cousins.

399
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,525
I taught this muskrat everything he knows.

400
00:20:56,589 --> 00:21:00,401
- Well, you don't know shit, then, do you?
- Hey, listen, before we had midget...

401
00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:04,297
Excuse me... little people, we had Willie.

402
00:21:04,396 --> 00:21:07,639
He was my original elf.
Remember those times, Willie?

403
00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:10,043
- There ain't enough booze to forget it.
[chuckles]

404
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:13,311
Well, he'd get panic attacks.
It was embarrassing.

405
00:21:13,405 --> 00:21:17,148
I had to make him stay outside
when I was turning a trick or bowling.

406
00:21:17,243 --> 00:21:20,087
Wait a fucking minute,
you were embarrassed?

407
00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:23,320
Isn't that kind of like the pot
calling the other cot a fuck kettle,

408
00:21:23,415 --> 00:21:25,193
- or whatever it was?
- What the fuck you say?

409
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:27,595
[laughs] He's home-schooled.

410
00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:29,394
[Sunny laughing]

411
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,394
I need a refill.

412
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:37,168
- And another fucking corner.
- Stop it, Willie.

413
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:40,005
What? We're gonna steal this shit
any fucking way. Who cares?

414
00:21:40,099 --> 00:21:42,909
But if we get fired,
we got no access to the building.

415
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:46,142
And if we got no access to the building,
we got no access to the safe.

416
00:21:46,238 --> 00:21:47,945
And if we got no access to the safe,

417
00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:52,456
there's no reason for me to be standing
out here, freezing my fucking nuts off.

418
00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:54,055
You mean your nuts
haven't been scraped off

419
00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:56,582
because they're so low
to the ground already?

420
00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:58,629
You know every time you're passed out,

421
00:21:58,684 --> 00:22:01,096
I lay them on your forehead
and take a picture of it.

422
00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:04,259
I got a whole Instagram of that shit
of me tea-bagging you.

423
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,827
Four thousand followers and counting,
motherfucker. Ha-ha!

424
00:22:07,927 --> 00:22:09,133
- [Sunny laughs]
- [bell rings]

425
00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:11,506
Well, knock yourselves out.
I'm getting the fuck out of here.

426
00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:13,703
Aw, come on,
we're having family time here.

427
00:22:13,799 --> 00:22:17,713
He's always been too goddamn soft.
Probably because he was born early.

428
00:22:17,803 --> 00:22:21,341
Hell, I didn't even know
I'd given birth until I tripped over him.

429
00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:25,883
[phone ringing]

430
00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:28,849
- Hello.
- Hi, Willie.

431
00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:30,484
Kid, how'd you get my number?

432
00:22:30,549 --> 00:22:31,960
[Thurman] The cherry pop lady
<i>gave</i> if to me.

433
00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:32,985
Oh, Jesus.

434
00:22:33,052 --> 00:22:35,794
I cleaned your apartment, Willie.
And I fed your insects.

435
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:37,334
They're getting really big.

436
00:22:37,389 --> 00:22:38,967
[Thurman] Do you want me to get you
a Christmas tree <i>?</i>

437
00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:42,302
- What? Why would I want a tree?
- So we can spend Christmas together.

438
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:44,241
<i>[Willie over phone]
I'm in fucking Chicago, kid.</i>

439
00:22:44,897 --> 00:22:46,501
So you're not coming back for Christmas?

440
00:22:46,565 --> 00:22:50,741
- No, I'm not coming home for Christmas.
- Chicago's in the Midwest, Willie.

441
00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:52,447
<i>[Thurman]
They have Hungry Hoagies there too.</i>

442
00:22:52,471 --> 00:22:54,542
Well, good.
I'll tell them you said hello, okay?

443
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,745
Except I don't know anyone
at that Hungry Hoagies.

444
00:22:56,842 --> 00:22:59,120
All right, listen, you gotta quit
fucking calling me, okay?

445
00:22:59,144 --> 00:23:01,681
- You're burning my minutes.
- But what if it's an emergency?

446
00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:03,886
Fine! If it's an emergency,
call me, all right?

447
00:23:03,983 --> 00:23:06,020
Otherwise, leave me the fuck alone, okay?

448
00:23:06,085 --> 00:23:08,156
Okay. I'll only call if it's an emergency.

449
00:23:08,754 --> 00:23:10,324
- Bye.
- [phone snaps]

450
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:13,233
[Andy Williams' "It's the Most Beautiful
Time of the Year" playing]

451
00:23:13,325 --> 00:23:19,367
<i>♪ It's the most wonderful time
of the year ♪</i>

452
00:23:19,431 --> 00:23:23,038
[Willie] Okay, feed the kids.
Come on. Give it up.

453
00:23:23,102 --> 00:23:25,275
You've seen them babies with beer bellies.

454
00:23:25,371 --> 00:23:29,251
Ho, ho! Come on, you got Jesus
and the lambikin's watching over you,

455
00:23:29,341 --> 00:23:31,252
checking their list twice.

456
00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:33,550
Here you go, lady,
how about a little money?

457
00:23:33,612 --> 00:23:35,724
You know what,
you'd better hope the orphans don't riot.

458
00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,625
They'll eat your fat ass
right off the bat.

459
00:23:37,716 --> 00:23:40,754
You know, a lot of these kids
don't got any arms and legs and shit.

460
00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:42,697
You're lucky. See, ma'am?
Yours got all their parts.

461
00:23:42,721 --> 00:23:45,895
- [woman] There you go.
- There you go. Thank you. See you later.

462
00:23:45,958 --> 00:23:47,718
- Damn. Mama ain't bad.
- [Jolly Santa] Whoa!

463
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,639
Whoa-ho-ho! My spot.

464
00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:53,404
You are standing on my spot.

465
00:23:53,465 --> 00:23:56,105
Really? That's funny, I don't see
your fucking name on it anywhere.

466
00:23:56,135 --> 00:23:58,376
Well, in fairness,
I did leave it unattended,

467
00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:01,782
but that's only because
I had to run off to the little boys' room.

468
00:24:01,874 --> 00:24:03,785
What are you,
a fucking game show host or something?

469
00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:06,312
- Dial it back a notch.
- But now I am back.

470
00:24:06,412 --> 00:24:08,824
- Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
- [bell rings]

471
00:24:08,914 --> 00:24:11,053
'Tis the season of giving!

472
00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:15,826
And if you don't have cash,
you can always text XMAS 999...

473
00:24:15,921 --> 00:24:19,232
Bullshit. No fucking way.
Fucking cash only.

474
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:20,634
- Ten dollars or more.
- Okay.

475
00:24:20,726 --> 00:24:22,270
- Hundreds are better. What?
- [speaks indistinctly]

476
00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:24,968
I am going to have to ask you
to watch your language

477
00:24:25,064 --> 00:24:26,668
when you're representing the suit.

478
00:24:26,765 --> 00:24:29,644
And I'm going to have to ask you
to suck my fucking dick.

479
00:24:29,735 --> 00:24:30,805
I'm warning you.

480
00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:35,579
Nothing and no one is getting in the way
of me spreading my joy!

481
00:24:35,641 --> 00:24:36,847
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

482
00:24:36,942 --> 00:24:39,115
You know what,
I think you're some kind of pervert

483
00:24:39,178 --> 00:24:42,182
and you're afraid I'm muscling in
on your fucking fondle territory.

484
00:24:42,281 --> 00:24:46,195
- That's what I think.
- I see what's going on here. Yes, I see.

485
00:24:46,285 --> 00:24:48,094
- You are hurting inside.
- Ls that right?

486
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:50,190
And there's only one thing
that can change that.

487
00:24:50,289 --> 00:24:52,269
- Yeah? What's that?
- A hug.

488
00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:54,436
- Are you out of your goddamn mind?
- A hug from Santa!

489
00:24:54,460 --> 00:24:56,167
No, I don't need
no fucking hug from Santa.

490
00:24:56,261 --> 00:24:58,639
- Let go of me, motherfucker.
- Melt all that stress away!

491
00:24:58,697 --> 00:25:00,108
Would you cool it, pal?

492
00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:02,177
You're scaring all the kids away.
You know what I mean?

493
00:25:02,201 --> 00:25:04,511
- You are a fucking pedophile!
- [grunts]

494
00:25:04,603 --> 00:25:06,605
[grunts]

495
00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:08,345
- Let go of me.
- [Jolly Santa] Aw!

496
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,386
"[thuds]
- [Willie] Fuck!

497
00:25:10,476 --> 00:25:13,480
- [Jolly Santa] Ooh!
- Fucking asshole!

498
00:25:13,545 --> 00:25:16,185
- Fucking shit.
- [grunts]

499
00:25:16,281 --> 00:25:18,124
Fucking asshole.

500
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:21,187
This guy's a pedophiliac, here,
and he's after all your kids.

501
00:25:21,286 --> 00:25:23,031
- You better get out of here.
- [siren wailing]

502
00:25:23,055 --> 00:25:27,902
- You fucking perverted fucking asshole!
- [9a$Pi"9]

503
00:25:29,495 --> 00:25:31,133
[Willie] What the fuck?
Hang on a second.

504
00:25:31,196 --> 00:25:34,575
He's the fucking kid diddler, not me.
I'm a hero!

505
00:25:35,634 --> 00:25:36,840
[grunts]

506
00:25:39,338 --> 00:25:43,013
- Sure you won't die up there?
- I've done smaller spaces, trust me.

507
00:25:43,075 --> 00:25:47,854
Well, if you don't make it, son,
I got a cigar box, make a nice casket.

508
00:25:47,913 --> 00:25:49,654
Who you calling "son"?

509
00:25:49,715 --> 00:25:52,515
Well, I'm proud to say that my pussy
is color-blind, so you never know.

510
00:25:52,918 --> 00:25:53,988
.[bangs]
"Oh!

511
00:25:55,654 --> 00:25:59,864
Whoa! You go, little sperm.
Get up in there.

512
00:26:01,527 --> 00:26:03,905
Well, you don't see
something like that every day.

513
00:26:03,996 --> 00:26:07,239
[Pants]

514
00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:12,443
- [exhales] [bottles clinking]

515
00:26:13,772 --> 00:26:17,515
Ow! Bottles! Recycle that shit!

516
00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:23,084
Oh! What the fuck is than Oh, shit! No!

517
00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:32,766
Hey.

518
00:26:34,793 --> 00:26:37,569
I always wanted to fuck me a Santa.

519
00:26:37,629 --> 00:26:40,610
Well, I always wanted to shit
on a tattooed dick

520
00:26:40,699 --> 00:26:42,542
so we're perfect for each other.

521
00:26:43,902 --> 00:26:47,782
- Cook, let's go.
- See you in my dreams, chief.

522
00:26:50,275 --> 00:26:51,720
[Diane] Thank you. [sighs]

523
00:26:52,978 --> 00:26:55,151
You're not the first volunteer
to go off the rails.

524
00:26:55,247 --> 00:26:57,989
Lucky for you, Giving City
has a high standing in the community,

525
00:26:58,083 --> 00:26:59,391
so you won't get charged.

526
00:27:00,719 --> 00:27:02,824
You can turn in your suit
when you clean yourself up.

527
00:27:02,921 --> 00:27:05,162
Now, hang on a second. You're firing me?

528
00:27:05,257 --> 00:27:07,498
I rooted out a pervert.

529
00:27:07,593 --> 00:27:09,834
You should be throwing me
a fucking parade.

530
00:27:09,928 --> 00:27:13,000
And we're very grateful.
But you reek of whiskey.

531
00:27:13,098 --> 00:27:15,169
You know the rules
and you're flouting them.

532
00:27:15,267 --> 00:27:16,473
Flouting?

533
00:27:16,568 --> 00:27:20,516
I never sucked jizz out of nobody's ass.
I mean, with a straw.

534
00:27:20,606 --> 00:27:22,847
I believe that's felching.

535
00:27:22,941 --> 00:27:24,750
[Diane] Not that I would know.

536
00:27:24,810 --> 00:27:30,419
Uh, happy holidays, Mr. Cook.
Consider your freedom a gift from me.

537
00:27:31,183 --> 00:27:36,257
Well, hang on a second. Hang on!
I only had one drink.

538
00:27:36,321 --> 00:27:39,666
And that was just to keep warm out there.
I'm freezing my nuts off.

539
00:27:39,758 --> 00:27:42,796
And if we're being honest here,
you, you guys should be supplying us

540
00:27:42,861 --> 00:27:45,205
with some kind of electric underwear
or some shit.

541
00:27:45,297 --> 00:27:50,610
Oh, well, if we're being honest,
I don't like being lied to.

542
00:27:50,669 --> 00:27:54,845
- Please. I need this.
- Why do you care so much?

543
00:27:54,940 --> 00:27:59,889
[scoffs] Why do I care? Why do I care.

544
00:28:01,446 --> 00:28:05,394
[softly] I'll tell you why I care.
Because the world's a fucking shit hole.

545
00:28:05,484 --> 00:28:08,488
But when I put this suit on,
I feel like...

546
00:28:08,554 --> 00:28:13,003
Well, I feel like General MacArthur
must have fell when he put his uniform on

547
00:28:13,058 --> 00:28:14,833
and went and killed all them Filipinos.

548
00:28:14,893 --> 00:28:17,840
Look, I, I put up with
a lot of shit from kids...

549
00:28:17,896 --> 00:28:23,903
[stammers] For the kids.
I won'! piss on the suit. I really won't.

550
00:28:24,002 --> 00:28:27,245
I mean, give a broke-dick
motherfucker a chance, will you?

551
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:33,316
Fine. I'll give you a second chance.
If you give me a chance to help you.

552
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,325
All right.

553
00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:39,723
[clattering]

554
00:29:14,686 --> 00:29:16,359
How we looking, Alice?

555
00:29:16,421 --> 00:29:17,900
Well, according to this report,

556
00:29:17,956 --> 00:29:20,527
Giving City's gonna lose
a record amount of money this year.

557
00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:23,266
Ugh, every time you say that,
my dick gets so hard.

558
00:29:23,362 --> 00:29:26,070
- Okay.
- Hey, why don't we just do it right now.

559
00:29:26,131 --> 00:29:27,542
- Come on.
- No.

560
00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:29,519
[Regent] I'll up your commission
to five percent.

561
00:29:29,568 --> 00:29:32,276
[Alice] Make it ten, and I'll let you do
that thing with my shoe.

562
00:29:32,371 --> 00:29:34,282
Both shoes. And you have to watch.

563
00:29:34,373 --> 00:29:36,717
Deal.

564
00:29:37,776 --> 00:29:38,811
[Sighs]

565
00:29:39,578 --> 00:29:42,923
- [man] You can't smoke here, sir.
- [Willie] So call the fucking law.

566
00:29:42,981 --> 00:29:45,052
And while they're rolling
their fat asses down here,

567
00:29:45,117 --> 00:29:47,927
I'll be smoking like an old Buick,
all right?

568
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:53,326
Arrested? Christ! William.

569
00:29:53,425 --> 00:29:57,100
- Not arrested. I was detained.
- Yeah. Shot of gin.

570
00:29:58,497 --> 00:30:02,468
What were you thinking?
You could have fucked this whole thing up.

571
00:30:02,567 --> 00:30:04,342
- I handled it.
- Mmm.

572
00:30:04,436 --> 00:30:06,473
Told her I'd go to an AA meeting with her.

573
00:30:06,571 --> 00:30:11,350
[scoffs] Don't buy their shit, William.
No such thing as an alcoholic.

574
00:30:12,277 --> 00:30:13,847
Just a sign of a weak liver.

575
00:30:13,945 --> 00:30:16,653
[sighs] I said I fucking handled it.
What are you, deaf?

576
00:30:16,748 --> 00:30:20,161
Well, you talk like you have a cock
in your mouth, shitstick.

577
00:30:20,252 --> 00:30:21,663
[Sunny laughs]

578
00:30:21,753 --> 00:30:24,029
Hey, you know why we call him "shitstick"?

579
00:30:24,756 --> 00:30:27,669
Because even when he was a baby,
he tried to butt-fuck everything.

580
00:30:27,759 --> 00:30:31,002
- Goddamn it.
- Stuffed monkey, neighbor's dog.

581
00:30:31,096 --> 00:30:34,441
I'm telling you,
if it had a butt, he'd try to fuck it.

582
00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:36,501
He's with his little nub, going.

583
00:30:36,601 --> 00:30:38,672
[Sunny laughs]

584
00:30:39,538 --> 00:30:43,281
Anyway, I think you ought to be working
the sexual angle with her,

585
00:30:43,342 --> 00:30:46,687
because I know for a fact
that that husband isn't getting it done.

586
00:30:46,778 --> 00:30:48,724
That guy never rocked a clit in his life.

587
00:30:48,814 --> 00:30:52,318
And that is one piece of motherly advice
I hope you took to heart.

588
00:30:52,384 --> 00:30:56,230
You motorboat that O-button
till she's speaking in tongues.

589
00:30:57,155 --> 00:31:02,195
- You know what "son" means, right?
- When did you turn into such a pussy?

590
00:31:05,030 --> 00:31:08,910
- Don't worry, I'm fine.
- I'm not worried.

591
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,913
I just don't want you hacking up
your lung in my drink, okay?

592
00:31:12,003 --> 00:31:15,849
Not a chance.
Nah, this chassis' built to last.

593
00:31:15,907 --> 00:31:19,320
You know,
I smoked two packs of menthols a day,

594
00:31:19,378 --> 00:31:21,483
washed it down with a liter of this gin...

595
00:31:22,347 --> 00:31:26,193
And I could still fill that shot glass
with this man's jizz.

596
00:31:26,885 --> 00:31:32,028
- I said I don't give a shit, okay?
- Fine. I get it. You're mad at me.

597
00:31:32,090 --> 00:31:34,934
You think I was really ready
to be a mom at 13?

598
00:31:35,026 --> 00:31:37,905
[Sunny] Huh? We were gonna wait
at least another year.

599
00:31:37,996 --> 00:31:40,408
I mean, the one time
your son of a bitch father

600
00:31:40,499 --> 00:31:43,105
didn't put it in my ass,
I had to go and get pregnant.

601
00:31:43,201 --> 00:31:46,614
- Shit happens.
- That's fucking beautiful.

602
00:31:46,705 --> 00:31:49,413
Look, I'm not gonna pretend
I was a perfect mother.

603
00:31:49,508 --> 00:31:50,509
Yeah, no shit.

604
00:31:50,575 --> 00:31:54,216
You made me take the fall for you
when I was 11.

605
00:31:54,279 --> 00:31:56,725
Well, there's no sense in us
both going down.

606
00:31:56,782 --> 00:32:01,595
Besides, it made a man of you.
You are who you are because of me.

607
00:32:01,686 --> 00:32:04,030
No, I'm not anything like you.

608
00:32:04,089 --> 00:32:07,764
Yeah?
Well, you keep telling yourself that.

609
00:32:07,859 --> 00:32:10,601
Now where's your fucking midget?
It's getting late.

610
00:32:11,029 --> 00:32:14,306
[moaning]

611
00:32:14,399 --> 00:32:15,443
<i>[cell phone ringtone rings]</i>

612
00:32:15,467 --> 00:32:17,970
<i>♪ Pop that pussy
Hey, pop that pussy, baby ♪</i>

613
00:32:18,069 --> 00:32:20,743
- [Alice] What" What is that?
- [ringing stops]

614
00:32:20,806 --> 00:32:21,807
Shit!

615
00:32:21,907 --> 00:32:24,285
[Alice]What, do you have
a speaker up there?

616
00:32:24,376 --> 00:32:26,219
[Regent] Dorfman, get up here.

617
00:32:26,278 --> 00:32:32,058
You sure it was a phone ring?
Might have just been the fan turning over.

618
00:32:32,117 --> 00:32:36,156
Well, Dorfman, last time I checked,
fans don't "Pop That Pussy."

619
00:32:36,254 --> 00:32:38,495
No, I suppose they don't.

620
00:32:38,590 --> 00:32:40,729
No, I think Diane hired someone
to spy on me.

621
00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:43,932
- Diane? That doesn't sound like her.
- I want you to watch her.

622
00:32:43,995 --> 00:32:46,908
Anything unusual, I wanna know about it.
And cover the whole building.

623
00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:49,172
I'm talking microphones,
cameras, everything.

624
00:32:49,267 --> 00:32:52,271
Copy. Ladies' room
is already taken care of.

625
00:32:53,905 --> 00:32:56,010
[Sunny chuckles] He's fucking Alice.

626
00:32:56,107 --> 00:32:58,986
[scoffs] Go figure.
- Why the fuck would you call me?

627
00:32:59,077 --> 00:33:01,148
Well, you're the genius
who left your ringer on.

628
00:33:01,246 --> 00:33:04,659
Because you the only two people I know.
Why would you call?

629
00:33:04,749 --> 00:33:08,026
- What's she doing
with that shoe? Oh, God!

630
00:33:08,119 --> 00:33:10,861
He heard a noise in the fucking vent.
What's the big deal'?

631
00:33:10,956 --> 00:33:14,927
He heard "Pop That Pussy" in the vent,
and that is a big fucking deal.

632
00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:16,165
Think she knows?

633
00:33:16,261 --> 00:33:19,003
- [Sunny] Who?
- You know, the redheaded gal, Diane.

634
00:33:19,097 --> 00:33:20,608
That her husband's
fooling around with the help?

635
00:33:20,632 --> 00:33:23,875
I'm saying, do you think she knows
that her fucking husband

636
00:33:23,969 --> 00:33:26,142
is ripping off the goddamn charity?

637
00:33:26,204 --> 00:33:28,844
Who gives a shit?
As long as she doesn't get in the way.

638
00:33:28,940 --> 00:33:32,478
- Can you crack the safe?
- Of course I can crack the fucking safe.

639
00:33:32,544 --> 00:33:35,684
Probably take me about three minutes.
Three and a half tops.

640
00:33:35,780 --> 00:33:38,784
Well, you shave a minute off that,
you may be good for something.

641
00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:42,229
- What about the alarm system?
- It's a Centaur 2100.

642
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,790
We power it down,
we have ten minutes before it reboots.

643
00:33:45,857 --> 00:33:48,565
But I'm gonna need a key
to the electrical room to access it.

644
00:33:48,660 --> 00:33:51,641
- It's the only way in.
- Ah, shit, how are we gonna get that?

645
00:33:51,696 --> 00:33:53,573
[keys jangle]

646
00:33:57,836 --> 00:33:59,380
[Marcus] Don't even
think about it, Willie.

647
00:33:59,404 --> 00:34:02,044
That big bitch is mine.

648
00:34:03,675 --> 00:34:05,916
He should show you some respect.

649
00:34:06,011 --> 00:34:09,151
- You're the talent, not him.
- [Diane] Hey, Randall!

650
00:34:09,214 --> 00:34:10,591
Mind giving me a hand over here?

651
00:34:10,682 --> 00:34:12,360
I've gotta get this stuff
to the auditorium.

652
00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:16,491
He'd love to, darling.
Strong, strapping man like him.

653
00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:18,933
Clitoris, son. Do it for Mama.

654
00:34:19,024 --> 00:34:20,401
Thanks, Sunny.

655
00:34:20,492 --> 00:34:23,439
She's so sweet. I wish I had
a hundred volunteers like her.

656
00:34:23,528 --> 00:34:26,702
Oh, yeah, she's something.
I'm sure they only made one of her.

657
00:34:29,568 --> 00:34:31,047
[coffee pours]

658
00:34:33,505 --> 00:34:34,916
How you doing, beautiful?

659
00:34:35,006 --> 00:34:36,917
- [Marcus] Gina, was it?
- That's right.

660
00:34:37,008 --> 00:34:41,889
- Ronald. We haven't officially met.
- Well, hello, Ronald. Officially.

661
00:34:41,947 --> 00:34:45,554
I bet you got no idea
how beautiful you really are.

662
00:34:45,617 --> 00:34:48,223
I don't know,
I think I've got some idea.

663
00:34:48,286 --> 00:34:50,562
- Oh, you do, do you?
- Maybe a little.

664
00:34:50,622 --> 00:34:53,626
I don't mean to be indiscreet,
but I do pretty well.

665
00:34:53,725 --> 00:34:57,070
So if you can't bring your A game,
don't even try.

666
00:34:57,128 --> 00:35:00,132
Sweetheart, I'm not sure
you could handle my A game.

667
00:35:00,231 --> 00:35:02,734
You get one hit of me
and you'll be addicted.

668
00:35:02,801 --> 00:35:04,792
[chuckles] I like
your confidence.

669
00:35:04,817 --> 00:35:07,433
I'd light you up like
the Fourth of July-.

670
00:35:07,472 --> 00:35:10,976
Look, Ronald,
I'm just gonna cut to the chase here.

671
00:35:11,076 --> 00:35:13,579
I am strictly first-class.

672
00:35:13,645 --> 00:35:18,924
I'm talking Chrysler 300,
factory-direct, fully loaded.

673
00:35:18,984 --> 00:35:21,988
And after that... lobster.

674
00:35:22,087 --> 00:35:24,590
Now if you think you can handle that,

675
00:35:24,656 --> 00:35:29,264
then maybe, just maybe,
I'll pencil you in.

676
00:35:29,327 --> 00:35:31,307
Bye.

677
00:35:31,396 --> 00:35:36,004
<i>- ♪ Joy to the world, the Lord is come ♪
- [Diane giggles]</i>

678
00:35:37,335 --> 00:35:38,439
Aren't they great?

679
00:35:39,471 --> 00:35:42,350
Regent likes to focus on the business,
but I'm like you.

680
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:44,750
I am all about those kids
and the Christmas concert.

681
00:35:44,809 --> 00:35:46,482
[Diane] We all participate.

682
00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:50,526
Volunteers, staff.
If you're interested, you could join us.

683
00:35:50,615 --> 00:35:52,094
You outta your goddamn mind?

684
00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:54,858
I ain't dancing around
with a bunch of candy canes and shit.

685
00:35:56,254 --> 00:35:59,497
Because I'm all about
the birth of Christmas'

686
00:35:59,591 --> 00:36:02,504
You know, the wise guys

687
00:36:02,594 --> 00:36:06,041
kicked him out of the hotel
and the ejaculate conception

688
00:36:06,131 --> 00:36:09,044
and the drummer that didn't have shit
to give him but some perfume...

689
00:36:09,134 --> 00:36:14,049
And the King Midas or one of them
threatened to cut the kid in half,

690
00:36:14,139 --> 00:36:16,813
tum him into gold and but, see, I...

691
00:36:16,875 --> 00:36:20,618
It's a heavy deal for me.
Pretty damn heavy.

692
00:36:20,679 --> 00:36:23,387
Are you talking about
the true meaning of Christmas?

693
00:36:24,382 --> 00:36:27,056
- Exactly.
- Right.

694
00:36:27,152 --> 00:36:29,325
Don't forget about the meeting
tomorrow night at 7:30.

695
00:36:29,387 --> 00:36:33,460
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, it's only scary the first time.

696
00:36:33,525 --> 00:36:34,868
[camera clicking]

697
00:36:46,004 --> 00:36:48,006
- Does this bus go to Chicago?
- [bus driver] No.

698
00:36:48,073 --> 00:36:50,679
Son, this bus goes
to the Arrowhead Premium Outlets.

699
00:36:51,643 --> 00:36:54,715
- Is that close to Chicago?
- [bus driver] No.

700
00:36:54,813 --> 00:36:56,918
[sighs] Okay.

701
00:37:00,018 --> 00:37:02,362
How do I look?

702
00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:05,993
You look like one of those trolls
that gang-fucked Willy Wonka.

703
00:37:06,057 --> 00:37:09,698
[Sunny laughs] Good one, shitstick.

704
00:37:09,761 --> 00:37:13,038
Hey, Shaft, you ready to stick it
to this chick tonight?

705
00:37:13,098 --> 00:37:14,418
Bitch, let me tell you something.

706
00:37:14,499 --> 00:37:18,743
When I was at the pen,
everyone called me tripod.

707
00:37:18,837 --> 00:37:20,043
[laughs]

708
00:37:20,105 --> 00:37:21,914
Well, if your legs are six inches long,

709
00:37:22,006 --> 00:37:24,350
that's not that big
of a fucking deal, see.

710
00:37:24,409 --> 00:37:27,117
Now, if you're six foot five
and they called you tripod,

711
00:37:27,212 --> 00:37:29,715
- then you're talking about something.
- [laughs]

712
00:37:29,781 --> 00:37:34,389
Miserable fucks, both of you.
- Mm. [burps]

713
00:37:34,452 --> 00:37:38,730
- Goddamn, did you eat your own shit?
- No, I've been eating caramels.

714
00:37:38,790 --> 00:37:42,260
[Sunny] You know how caramels
make Mama belch. Remember?

715
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,465
No. No, I don't.

716
00:37:44,562 --> 00:37:46,769
[Sunny] No, come on. You remember.

717
00:37:46,865 --> 00:37:49,641
Look, when you were a baby,

718
00:37:49,734 --> 00:37:54,149
I used to chew and feed you caramels,
just like a mama bird does.

719
00:37:54,239 --> 00:38:00,087
I'd chew and chew and chew
till they were all milky.

720
00:38:00,145 --> 00:38:01,488
Goddamn.

721
00:38:01,579 --> 00:38:04,753
And then I'd... [spits]
spit them right in your little mouth.

722
00:38:04,816 --> 00:38:07,660
And you'd just,
you'd just squint your little...

723
00:38:07,752 --> 00:38:11,165
Can't you see I'm trying to eat
a fucking pizza here?

724
00:38:14,492 --> 00:38:18,065
I swear to God, a fucking electric oven.

725
00:38:18,129 --> 00:38:23,602
[Leo Delibes' "The Flower Duet" playing]

726
00:38:40,118 --> 00:38:41,791
[keyboard clicking]

727
00:38:47,625 --> 00:38:53,041
Anyway, it took this new set of teeth
to finally see the light.

728
00:38:56,034 --> 00:38:58,981
- Jesus, I already need a fucking drink.
- [shushes]

729
00:38:59,037 --> 00:39:01,347
[man] People ask me
if I miss my old teeth.

730
00:39:01,439 --> 00:39:06,650
But sometimes, you have to
lose something to gain something.

731
00:39:09,681 --> 00:39:14,391
Now, I'm dating again,
and I'm ready to find The One.

732
00:39:14,485 --> 00:39:16,530
- [applause]
- [group leader] Thank you for that, Jason.

733
00:39:16,554 --> 00:39:20,798
- With no teeth, he ought to try dudes.
[softly] Terrible.

734
00:39:20,859 --> 00:39:22,167
Would anyone else care to share?

735
00:39:24,529 --> 00:39:25,837
Anyone?

736
00:39:27,332 --> 00:39:28,692
[group leader] The stage is yours.

737
00:39:29,801 --> 00:39:33,806
- Hi, I'm Diane and I'm an alcoholic.
- [AA group] Hi, Diane.

738
00:39:33,872 --> 00:39:36,216
Maybe next time,
you'll feel comfortable speaking.

739
00:39:36,307 --> 00:39:38,184
I don't know about that.

740
00:39:41,980 --> 00:39:43,516
- [sighs]
- [Diane] Okay. Fine.

741
00:39:43,581 --> 00:39:46,084
Maybe you can just talk to me
if that's easier.

742
00:39:46,184 --> 00:39:49,358
Do you ever feel like you hit rock bottom?

743
00:39:50,321 --> 00:39:51,664
You gotta be shitting me.

744
00:39:52,924 --> 00:39:55,700
I sure did. In my late 20's.

745
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,331
You know, some people
can have one drink and they're fine.

746
00:39:58,396 --> 00:40:01,673
I am not that kind of person. I get wild.

747
00:40:01,733 --> 00:40:04,680
- I'm all ears. How wild?
- What?

748
00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:07,444
You mean like sex stuff?
That kind of thing?

749
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:09,274
Yes.

750
00:40:09,374 --> 00:40:11,945
Alcohol led me to make
some not-so-good choices.

751
00:40:12,043 --> 00:40:14,114
But I've cleaned up my life.

752
00:40:14,212 --> 00:40:16,715
- I met Regent...
- Wait a minute, hang on. [chuckles]

753
00:40:16,781 --> 00:40:20,092
You picked that douche bag up
when you were sober?

754
00:40:20,184 --> 00:40:22,596
He was different
when he was in the Peace Corps.

755
00:40:22,687 --> 00:40:24,132
He helped me find focus.

756
00:40:24,222 --> 00:40:28,762
You don't understand, it was bad.
Three-ways, five-ways...

757
00:40:28,860 --> 00:40:31,966
Five-ways? How many holes do you have?

758
00:40:32,063 --> 00:40:36,102
- Anyway, the drinking had to stop.
- Yeah, I guess so.

759
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,578
It was probably making you forget
all the fun you had.

760
00:40:39,771 --> 00:40:41,944
I'm talking about addiction, Mr. Cook.

761
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:44,384
Like sex? Or booze?

762
00:40:45,743 --> 00:40:47,552
Listen, I'll tell you what,

763
00:40:47,612 --> 00:40:49,922
I'd like to get you in
that back seat there.

764
00:40:49,981 --> 00:40:53,622
And tear your little panties off
and get that ass in my face

765
00:40:53,718 --> 00:40:56,995
and just fuck that pussy
like you can't imagine.

766
00:40:57,755 --> 00:40:58,961
Excuse me?

767
00:40:59,824 --> 00:41:02,065
You filthy, dirty...

768
00:41:02,126 --> 00:41:04,204
Well, I thought that's what
we were talking about here.

769
00:41:04,228 --> 00:41:05,502
Get out of my car!

770
00:41:06,998 --> 00:41:08,671
- Damn, no sweat.
- [Diane] Unbelievable.

771
00:41:08,766 --> 00:41:11,576
- [Willie] Goddamn.
[camera clicking]

772
00:41:11,636 --> 00:41:13,747
- [Diane] I'm trying to help you.
- [Willie] Look, I'm sorry.

773
00:41:13,771 --> 00:41:16,308
- I fucking read you wrong. I was just...
- [tires screech]

774
00:41:22,113 --> 00:41:24,525
[Gina] Well, thank you, Ronald.

775
00:41:24,615 --> 00:41:27,994
- That was some fine crustacean.
- Yeah.

776
00:41:28,086 --> 00:41:30,191
Maybe we should take this upstairs.

777
00:41:30,288 --> 00:41:31,926
- Hmm.
[Marcus] What?

778
00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:34,971
When it's right, it's right.
I feel it, you feel it?

779
00:41:35,026 --> 00:41:38,166
- You're really fun, but just...
- I'm not tall enough for you?

780
00:41:38,262 --> 00:41:39,832
- What?
- Go on and say it.

781
00:41:39,931 --> 00:41:43,208
No! Your height has nothing to do with it.
I don't even see height.

782
00:41:43,301 --> 00:41:45,508
What's the trouble, then, baby?

783
00:41:45,603 --> 00:41:48,516
You're just not my type.
I'm into older guys.

784
00:41:48,606 --> 00:41:52,315
You know, like, older Jewish guys,
older Irish guys, dads.

785
00:41:52,377 --> 00:41:55,654
Not my dad, other people's dads.
They're the best.

786
00:41:55,713 --> 00:41:58,258
You know, they're usually into anal.
But their wives won't give it up.

787
00:41:58,282 --> 00:42:03,356
But I don't mind. I'm just into, you know,
more mature, experienced guys.

788
00:42:03,454 --> 00:42:06,401
Guys who are well-traveled,
cultured and into butt stuff.

789
00:42:06,491 --> 00:42:09,995
Bad boys, you know. Guys who don't
give a fuck and treat me like shit.

790
00:42:10,061 --> 00:42:14,510
A guy who if I asked him to choke me,
would enjoy it just a little too much.

791
00:42:14,565 --> 00:42:17,307
Damn, girl, I wouldn't pick you out
for that kind of shit'

792
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:19,871
Christmas in general gets me so drenched.

793
00:42:19,971 --> 00:42:22,315
I mean, a guy breaks into your house,
eats your food

794
00:42:22,373 --> 00:42:24,410
and then punishes you
because you were naughty.

795
00:42:24,509 --> 00:42:26,921
I think I'm gonna go upstairs
and watch It's a Wonderful Life

796
00:42:27,011 --> 00:42:28,888
and rub one out right now.

797
00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:32,425
But thanks for the lobster.

798
00:42:35,053 --> 00:42:37,260
Ain't that but a bitch!

799
00:42:37,355 --> 00:42:39,198
Done ate ten pounds of lobster

800
00:42:39,257 --> 00:42:41,601
and I didn't even get a chance
to smell that pussy.

801
00:42:41,692 --> 00:42:44,571
Damn. Shit.

802
00:42:50,068 --> 00:42:51,775
[Diane] Fine, get in.

803
00:42:51,869 --> 00:42:54,509
Regent and I haven't had sex
in over a decade.

804
00:42:54,572 --> 00:42:56,074
We stay together for the charity.

805
00:42:56,174 --> 00:43:00,714
I'm a good girl, Mr. Cook,
but sometimes I need to be bad.

806
00:43:00,778 --> 00:43:03,224
Now get your filthy ass in the car.

807
00:43:03,281 --> 00:43:06,091
[chuckles] See, that's what I thought.

808
00:43:06,184 --> 00:43:08,221
[Diane moans] Oh, yeah!

809
00:43:08,286 --> 00:43:11,130
Fuck me like the dirty little slut
that I am.

810
00:43:11,222 --> 00:43:13,065
- [moans]
- Call me Santa.

811
00:43:13,124 --> 00:43:15,126
- What?
- Call me Santa.

812
00:43:15,226 --> 00:43:18,298
Don't be weird. Tell me how dirty this is.

813
00:43:18,396 --> 00:43:21,275
- Call me Santa.
- Shut up.

814
00:43:22,567 --> 00:43:25,275
And spit on me. [moans]

815
00:43:25,369 --> 00:43:26,439
'[Diane] Fuck!

816
00:43:29,273 --> 00:43:33,483
- Tell me how dirty it is. [moans]
- Okay.

817
00:43:33,578 --> 00:43:36,616
Uh, it's a dumpster in an alley.

818
00:43:36,714 --> 00:43:38,819
It's pretty, pretty fucking dirty,
I guess.

819
00:43:38,916 --> 00:43:42,830
- Tell me it's fucking dirty!
- Okay, it's fucking dirty.

820
00:43:43,955 --> 00:43:45,798
- It's dirty.
- [moans]

821
00:43:45,890 --> 00:43:49,428
Yes, ifs dirty. [chuckles]

822
00:43:49,494 --> 00:43:56,002
- [Diane] Oh, oh, fuck me. I'm so dirty.
- Yeah.

823
00:43:59,737 --> 00:44:03,310
It was a one-time thing.
That never happened.

824
00:44:04,475 --> 00:44:05,476
All right.

825
00:44:14,485 --> 00:44:16,260
[television playing]
- What the fuck?

826
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,493
I'm not missing The Bachelor finale.

827
00:44:18,589 --> 00:44:22,298
I gotta see who the dingleberry
gives his last rose to,

828
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:25,000
Goiter Face or Drunk Slut.

829
00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:29,205
Fuck! Oh! Get out of my brain!

830
00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:33,009
- Hey, Homeo, you got the key?
- I'm gonna need a little more time.

831
00:44:33,104 --> 00:44:36,711
[sighs] Christ, am I the only one getting
anything done here tonight?

832
00:44:36,807 --> 00:44:37,808
[poop splashes]

833
00:44:39,043 --> 00:44:41,614
And I thought my family was fucked.

834
00:44:41,679 --> 00:44:44,216
[Sunny] ls he always this fucking useless?

835
00:44:44,315 --> 00:44:47,489
- [woman in television] Ow!
- Oh, call the medic!

836
00:44:54,325 --> 00:44:59,832
<i>♪ Frosty the Snowman
Was</i> a <i>jolly happy soul ♪</i>

837
00:44:59,897 --> 00:45:04,471
<i>♪ With</i> a <i>corn cob pipe and</i> a <i>button nose
And two eyes made of out coal ♪</i>

838
00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:09,416
<i>♪ Frosty the Snowman
Is</i> a <i>fairy tale they say ♪</i>

839
00:45:09,507 --> 00:45:12,351
<i>♪ He was made of snow
But the children know ♪</i>

840
00:45:12,410 --> 00:45:14,856
<i>♪ How he came to life one day ♪</i>

841
00:45:14,912 --> 00:45:19,019
<i>♪ For Frosty the Snowman
Had to hurry on... ♪</i>

842
00:45:19,083 --> 00:45:22,553
- Do you know Willie?
- Willie? No.

843
00:45:22,653 --> 00:45:26,362
- [driver] Who the hell is Willie?
- Can I ride the bicycle now?

844
00:45:26,424 --> 00:45:27,528
[laughs]

845
00:45:31,095 --> 00:45:33,268
[Regent]
Why the fuck were they at an AA meeting?

846
00:45:33,364 --> 00:45:34,434
[Dorfman] I don't know.

847
00:45:34,532 --> 00:45:37,274
- Maybe he's an alcoholic.
- Brilliant insight, Dorfman.

848
00:45:37,368 --> 00:45:39,177
No, I'm wondering why they were together.

849
00:45:40,037 --> 00:45:41,209
I wanna know who he is.

850
00:45:41,272 --> 00:45:44,378
Find out everything.
Schools, arrests, financials, meds.

851
00:45:44,442 --> 00:45:46,615
Whatever's out there on this guy,
I wanna see it.

852
00:45:46,711 --> 00:45:48,122
COPY-

853
00:45:48,212 --> 00:45:51,125
Yeah, do I need to seduce that girl
myself to get that key?

854
00:45:51,215 --> 00:45:53,695
Because I can. Wouldn't be the first time.

855
00:45:53,751 --> 00:45:56,254
Please don't make me picture that.
I'm on it.

856
00:45:56,354 --> 00:45:58,197
Well, you better be.

857
00:45:58,256 --> 00:46:00,395
Or else I'll get her done.

858
00:46:00,458 --> 00:46:03,439
I need full dossier on a Randall Cook.

859
00:46:06,397 --> 00:46:08,377
Yes, I said "dossier."

860
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:12,778
I'm sorry. I was under the impression
that was the correct nomenclature.

861
00:46:13,704 --> 00:46:15,206
"Nomenclature"

862
00:46:16,307 --> 00:46:18,150
Fine! A file, then.

863
00:46:18,242 --> 00:46:19,880
<i>Asshole.</i>

864
00:46:19,944 --> 00:46:21,389
<i>♪ Everybody shake your ungh ♪</i>

865
00:46:21,445 --> 00:46:23,322
<i>♪ Shake it to the left
Shake it to the right ♪</i>

866
00:46:23,414 --> 00:46:25,334
<i>♪ Shake it to the east, baby
Shake it ail night ♪</i>

867
00:46:25,416 --> 00:46:27,225
<i>♪ Shake it to the left
Shake it to the right ♪</i>

868
00:46:27,285 --> 00:46:29,129
<i>♪ Shake it to the west, baby
Shake it all night ♪</i>

869
00:46:29,153 --> 00:46:30,655
<i>♪ Move your feet
Come on ♪</i>

870
00:46:30,755 --> 00:46:32,325
[car horn hunks]

871
00:46:32,423 --> 00:46:36,769
Shitstick! Let's go!
I got a side gig, just the two of us.

872
00:46:37,628 --> 00:46:40,973
- I'm busy.
- [Sunny] I said get in the van.

873
00:46:41,065 --> 00:46:43,341
I said I'm fucking busy!

874
00:46:43,434 --> 00:46:44,970
[car horn hunks]

875
00:46:45,970 --> 00:46:49,508
[car horn continues honking]

876
00:46:49,607 --> 00:46:52,918
One fucking thing I get to enjoy
and you shit on that too.

877
00:46:52,977 --> 00:46:56,982
[Sunny] So I help field incoming calls
for the Santa appearances

878
00:46:57,081 --> 00:47:00,324
and shows and whatnot,
so I snagged this one just for us.

879
00:47:05,089 --> 00:47:09,196
Every year, these rich assholes throw
this huge party to benefit the needy kids.

880
00:47:09,293 --> 00:47:12,137
And this year, they requested
Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus.

881
00:47:12,196 --> 00:47:16,042
So, while you're playing Santa,
I'm gonna clean these buggers out.

882
00:47:16,133 --> 00:47:17,339
Hang on a second here.

883
00:47:17,435 --> 00:47:20,609
I'm gonna spend my whole day
with a bunch of damn kids on my lap?

884
00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:23,208
- I'm retired from that shit anyway.
- Give me that.

885
00:47:23,307 --> 00:47:25,287
Give me that, you fucking lush.

886
00:47:25,343 --> 00:47:28,881
- I need you sharp.
- Goddamn it.

887
00:47:28,979 --> 00:47:33,359
<i>♪ Dashing through the snow
In</i> a <i>one-horse open sleigh ♪</i>

888
00:47:33,451 --> 00:47:37,991
<i>♪ O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way ♪</i>

889
00:47:38,055 --> 00:47:41,366
<i>♪ Ha ha ha
Bells on bobtails ring ♪</i>

890
00:47:41,459 --> 00:47:43,905
<i>♪ Making spirits bright ♪</i>

891
00:47:43,994 --> 00:47:48,409
<i>♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
And sing these songs tonight ♪</i>

892
00:47:48,499 --> 00:47:51,173
- Hey, keep those coming, will you?
- Mm-hmm.

893
00:47:51,235 --> 00:47:53,806
<i>♪ Jingle all the way ♪
- [sighs]</i>

894
00:47:53,871 --> 00:47:56,078
[car horn honking]

895
00:47:56,173 --> 00:47:58,483
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.

896
00:47:58,542 --> 00:48:01,853
Seriously, you need to
give my bike back. Now.

897
00:48:01,912 --> 00:48:04,358
[Thurman] Where are the cherry pop ladies?

898
00:48:07,351 --> 00:48:09,991
- [hisses]
- Oh, Gina!

899
00:48:11,088 --> 00:48:12,897
On, hey!

900
00:48:12,990 --> 00:48:17,598
- You're not mad, are you?
- Mad? No. Because I get you.

901
00:48:17,695 --> 00:48:19,538
You a woman of high standards,

902
00:48:19,597 --> 00:48:21,042
- refined taste...
[slaps]

903
00:48:21,098 --> 00:48:23,738
- What's up, girl?
- Ooh. You know what's up, playa.

904
00:48:23,834 --> 00:48:27,213
[hisses, moans] I'm sorry, what?

905
00:48:27,271 --> 00:48:30,878
["Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
playing in piano]

906
00:48:30,941 --> 00:48:32,716
[laughter, chattering in the background]

907
00:48:34,345 --> 00:48:36,552
What the hell are you looking at me
so funny for'?

908
00:48:37,748 --> 00:48:40,627
Sorry, Santa. I had to go.

909
00:48:42,119 --> 00:48:45,396
[Willie] Oh, is that you?
I thought it was me.

910
00:48:46,924 --> 00:48:50,895
Hey, Greta. Could you, uh, get me a rag
and a real drink, please?

911
00:48:50,961 --> 00:48:52,304
Of course. I'll be right back.

912
00:48:57,368 --> 00:49:00,941
Come on. Get out of here.
Put a fucking diaper on.

913
00:49:01,038 --> 00:49:02,415
[clanging]

914
00:49:06,043 --> 00:49:09,581
- Hey, you're wet.
- No shit. What can I do for you?

915
00:49:09,647 --> 00:49:13,322
Will you be able to find me
at my grandma's house in Grand Rapids?

916
00:49:13,417 --> 00:49:18,560
Because no one's going to be
at our Chicago house for two weeks.

917
00:49:18,622 --> 00:49:23,093
Oh, yeah. Don't worry. <i>I'll</i> find you.
But, hey, do Santy a favor, will you?

918
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:25,401
You know the address
of where you're not gonna be?

919
00:49:25,463 --> 00:49:28,569
Write it down on a piece of paper
and bring it back to Santy, will you?

920
00:49:29,567 --> 00:49:30,687
All right, honey. Good girl.

921
00:49:32,102 --> 00:49:33,137
What do you want?

922
00:49:33,237 --> 00:49:36,275
<i>Want Minecraft, Halo 5 Guardians,
Rise of the Tomb Raider,</i>

923
00:49:36,340 --> 00:49:39,321
<i>Project X Zone Two, Assassin's Creed
Chronicles Trilogy, As»</i>

924
00:49:39,410 --> 00:49:41,856
Yeah, yeah. That's great, that's great.
I, I don't know.

925
00:49:41,946 --> 00:49:43,757
- Call of Duty Black Ops <i>III...</i>
- I don't know what you're talking about.

926
00:49:43,781 --> 00:49:45,124
I have no idea what that shit is.

927
00:49:45,182 --> 00:49:48,186
You could be speaking fucking Swahili
and I wouldn't know any better.

928
00:49:48,285 --> 00:49:50,993
- Grand Theft Auto V.
- Nah, I don't care.

929
00:49:56,494 --> 00:49:57,768
What can I get you?

930
00:49:57,828 --> 00:49:59,774
A stuffed cow that moos
but doesn't poop.

931
00:49:59,830 --> 00:50:03,937
- Some duct tape so I can build a boat.
- What?

932
00:50:04,001 --> 00:50:08,472
A stuffed cow that moos but doesn't poop.
Some duct tape so I can build a boat.

933
00:50:08,539 --> 00:50:10,018
Okay.

934
00:50:11,442 --> 00:50:14,218
Have a seat. What can Santy Claus get you?

935
00:50:14,311 --> 00:50:16,655
A penguin. It doesn't have to be alive.

936
00:50:20,551 --> 00:50:21,723
[jangling]

937
00:50:24,855 --> 00:50:26,732
[vibrator vibrates]

938
00:50:28,325 --> 00:50:31,135
- What's up, champ?
- I want a hand grenade.

939
00:50:31,195 --> 00:50:32,902
Yeah, well, I want a hand release,

940
00:50:32,997 --> 00:50:35,068
but you don't see me
holding my breath, do you?

941
00:50:35,165 --> 00:50:38,738
- What's a hand release?
- It's kind of a compromise.

942
00:50:38,836 --> 00:50:42,010
Anyway, Santy ain't no arms dealer,
so I can't help you out.

943
00:50:42,072 --> 00:50:44,245
See you later.

944
00:50:47,077 --> 00:50:48,317
[indistinct chatter]

945
00:50:52,750 --> 00:50:54,093
Let's go.

946
00:50:56,554 --> 00:50:59,330
[kids laughing]

947
00:51:01,725 --> 00:51:03,602
'[Thudding] 'Oops!

948
00:51:03,694 --> 00:51:05,765
Walk. Don't run!

949
00:51:07,197 --> 00:51:10,076
That's quite a grip you got there.
What are you, a lumberjack?

950
00:51:10,167 --> 00:51:13,444
- Shot put. Olympic alternate.
- Nice.

951
00:51:13,537 --> 00:51:16,211
Hey, listen, can you kind of stay up
on the business end

952
00:51:16,273 --> 00:51:18,014
and stay away from the nuts?

953
00:51:18,075 --> 00:51:21,420
[Willie moans]
Maybe if you put your thumb up my ass?

954
00:51:21,512 --> 00:51:24,220
[waitress] No, I don't do that. [moans]

955
00:51:24,281 --> 00:51:27,854
- Kiddums.
- Goddamn it. That's my mom.

956
00:51:27,918 --> 00:51:31,422
- Time to get a move on,
- [waitress] Ew. Your mom?

957
00:51:31,522 --> 00:51:33,058
Yeah. Help me zip this shit.

958
00:51:33,123 --> 00:51:34,966
- What? Ugh.
- [zips]

959
00:51:35,059 --> 00:51:37,539
[car engine starts]

960
00:51:42,199 --> 00:51:43,906
[Willie exhales]

961
00:51:44,401 --> 00:51:46,745
Davis! Davis!

962
00:51:47,771 --> 00:51:50,650
- Where's your friend at?
- I ain't got any fucking friends!

963
00:51:50,741 --> 00:51:52,049
Hey, watch your language.

964
00:51:52,109 --> 00:51:55,613
Why don't I watch my dick go in and out
of your wife's pussy lips while I'm at it?

965
00:51:55,713 --> 00:52:00,253
Oh, yeah? Well, joke's on you
because my wife died six months ago. Boom!

966
00:52:00,317 --> 00:52:05,164
Like that will fucking stop me?
Rigor mortis just make the pussy tighter.

967
00:52:05,255 --> 00:52:07,326
Oh. Where's Cook?

968
00:52:09,660 --> 00:52:11,970
- [clinking]
- [Sunny] You see that?

969
00:52:12,062 --> 00:52:15,339
Huh? [chuckles] Yeah.

970
00:52:15,432 --> 00:52:18,675
- We still got it, kid.
- Yeah, I guess so.

971
00:52:18,769 --> 00:52:21,409
It was always supposed
to be this way, William.

972
00:52:21,472 --> 00:52:25,978
You, me. Before I fucked it all up.

973
00:52:27,578 --> 00:52:30,081
But even when I was in the joint,
I thought of you.

974
00:52:30,147 --> 00:52:33,959
And I always had a drink
on your birthday... January third.

975
00:52:35,085 --> 00:52:36,996
- [sniffs] Seventh.

976
00:52:37,087 --> 00:52:40,159
- August fourth.
- Fourth?

977
00:52:40,257 --> 00:52:42,464
And August. Yeah.

978
00:52:42,526 --> 00:52:47,635
Well, fuck a duck.
Anyway, uh, the point is that I miss this.

979
00:52:47,698 --> 00:52:53,114
Just think of the damage we could do.
Just the two of us. All the time.

980
00:52:53,937 --> 00:52:56,474
Hey. You know what? I got you a gift.

981
00:52:56,540 --> 00:52:59,646
You never got me a gift
in my entire fucking life.

982
00:52:59,710 --> 00:53:00,814
[Sunny] Well, boohoo.

983
00:53:00,878 --> 00:53:05,020
You think it was raining presents
in my backyard when I was a kid?

984
00:53:05,115 --> 00:53:09,029
Look, I'm trying to make up
for lost time here.

985
00:53:09,119 --> 00:53:12,623
- You know, be a better...
- Parent?

986
00:53:14,658 --> 00:53:18,037
Yeah. I found this in the bedside table.

987
00:53:18,128 --> 00:53:19,172
- Think fast.
- [vibrator vibrates]

988
00:53:19,196 --> 00:53:22,075
- The fuck?
- [laughs]

989
00:53:22,166 --> 00:53:25,375
- Don't do that.
- Oh, that's for me.

990
00:53:25,469 --> 00:53:26,971
[chuckles] Shut up.

991
00:53:27,037 --> 00:53:29,074
Pew-pew.
- Don't touch me with the fucking thing.

992
00:53:29,173 --> 00:53:30,652
[chuckling sniffs]

993
00:53:30,708 --> 00:53:35,020
No, seriously. I did get you a gift.

994
00:53:35,079 --> 00:53:38,993
- I want you to have this.
- What the fuck's that for?

995
00:53:39,049 --> 00:53:44,863
The midget. He tried to kill you once.
I'm not gonna give him a second chance.

996
00:53:44,922 --> 00:53:50,201
- I think he knows better by now, okay?
- Hey, hey, hey.

997
00:53:50,260 --> 00:53:54,333
You're my shitstick. And nobody's
gonna mess with you on my watch.

998
00:53:59,269 --> 00:54:00,270
I'm fine.

999
00:54:01,171 --> 00:54:06,245
[coughing]

1000
00:54:07,044 --> 00:54:09,388
We gotta get rid of this van and split up.

1001
00:54:09,446 --> 00:54:11,221
- Hey, pull over right here.
- What for?

1002
00:54:11,281 --> 00:54:13,056
[Willie] Just fucking pull over, okay?

1003
00:54:17,421 --> 00:54:19,628
Okay, just wait right here.
Keep it running.

1004
00:54:20,891 --> 00:54:22,302
Be right back.

1005
00:54:32,603 --> 00:54:34,378
[vibrator vibrates]

1006
00:54:35,439 --> 00:54:37,214
- Wow,
- [car door opens]

1007
00:54:37,274 --> 00:54:38,480
Okay, go, go, go, go, go!

1008
00:54:38,575 --> 00:54:40,452
- Hey! Hey! Open the door!

1009
00:54:43,781 --> 00:54:47,058
[shopkeeper] Fuck!
- What you got?

1010
00:54:47,117 --> 00:54:49,256
Here, drink this.

1011
00:54:50,988 --> 00:54:54,265
- You sweet little muskrat.
- Don't get all choked up.

1012
00:54:54,324 --> 00:54:55,997
I'm just tired of that fucking coughing.

1013
00:54:57,294 --> 00:54:58,568
Ahhh.

1014
00:54:58,629 --> 00:55:02,509
- I hadn't gotten 'tussed up in a while.
- [Dorfman] Yeah.

1015
00:55:02,599 --> 00:55:05,637
Nothing but an old address
somewhere outside Albany.

1016
00:55:05,736 --> 00:55:07,977
- Nothing else? Shit.
- The guy's a ghost.

1017
00:55:08,071 --> 00:55:10,017
Okay, call Detective O'Neill
at Precinct 12.

1018
00:55:10,107 --> 00:55:13,316
- Have him run a facial rec.
- Fuck yeah. Facial rec.

1019
00:55:13,410 --> 00:55:16,857
- That's a level-nine surveillance.
- Yeah.

1020
00:55:32,462 --> 00:55:34,499
Yes! Oh! Oh!

1021
00:55:34,598 --> 00:55:37,135
[moans]

1022
00:55:37,201 --> 00:55:38,942
- Don't hold back.
- Don't hold back?

1023
00:55:39,002 --> 00:55:42,882
What do you want, a fucking jackhammer?
Goddamn, I nearly broke my fucking pelvis.

1024
00:55:42,973 --> 00:55:45,351
No, I mean hurry up and cum.
I can hear someone.

1025
00:55:45,442 --> 00:55:47,217
- [g roans]
- Call me "Santa."

1026
00:55:47,311 --> 00:55:49,518
- [pants]
- Fine.

1027
00:55:49,613 --> 00:55:51,286
- Fuck me, Santa.
- Louder.

1028
00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:53,294
- Fuck me, Santa!
- There you go.

1029
00:55:53,350 --> 00:55:55,557
Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!

1030
00:55:55,652 --> 00:55:59,623
Fuck me, Santa!
Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!

1031
00:55:59,690 --> 00:56:01,169
[Diane] Fuck me, Santa!

1032
00:56:01,225 --> 00:56:04,365
Fuck me, Santa!
Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!

1033
00:56:04,461 --> 00:56:06,421
- [Willie] No, more.
- [Diane] Oh, fuck me, Santa!

1034
00:56:06,463 --> 00:56:09,069
[Diane] Fuck me, Santa!
Fuck me, Santa!

1035
00:56:09,166 --> 00:56:11,669
- [groans]
- Oh.

1036
00:56:11,735 --> 00:56:14,079
[gasps]
- Merry fucking Christmas.

1037
00:56:20,377 --> 00:56:22,357
- [Willie] All right, then.
- [Diane] That also...

1038
00:56:22,412 --> 00:56:25,689
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know, I know!
Uh, it never happened. I get it.

1039
00:56:26,984 --> 00:56:32,058
Um, I ain't exactly what you call
the romantic type, you know.

1040
00:56:32,155 --> 00:56:34,761
I don't go in for all the sappy shit.

1041
00:56:34,858 --> 00:56:40,536
But, um, I gotta tell you,
you got gigantic titties.

1042
00:56:40,597 --> 00:56:45,910
- And that's no shit.
- Um... thanks?

1043
00:56:46,003 --> 00:56:49,041
- No sweat.
- [cell phone rings]

1044
00:56:49,106 --> 00:56:51,108
- See you.
- [car door closes]

1045
00:56:53,710 --> 00:56:55,712
- [cell phone rings]
- Fuck.

1046
00:56:55,779 --> 00:56:58,521
- This better be an emergency.
- Willie, where are you?

1047
00:56:58,582 --> 00:57:00,858
I'm in Chicago,
but I can't find you anywhere.

1048
00:57:00,918 --> 00:57:04,024
Wait, hang on a second.
What are you doing in fucking Chicago?

1049
00:57:04,087 --> 00:57:06,260
I wanted to surprise you for Christmas.

1050
00:57:06,356 --> 00:57:08,563
The best Christmas gifts
are always a surprise.

1051
00:57:08,625 --> 00:57:12,767
Are you off of your goddamn nut?
Is that what you do?

1052
00:57:12,863 --> 00:57:15,174
<i>[Willie over phone] You follow people
all the way across the fucking country?</i>

1053
00:57:15,198 --> 00:57:16,802
Not everyone. Just you.

1054
00:57:16,900 --> 00:57:20,609
- [Thurman over phone] Are you surprised?
- No, this shit happens every day.

1055
00:57:20,704 --> 00:57:24,151
- [Thurman] It <i>does?</i>
- No. On what fucking planet»?

1056
00:57:24,241 --> 00:57:26,243
<i>[Willie] Never mind.
What the fuck are you doing?</i>

1057
00:57:26,310 --> 00:57:30,781
Uh, Willie, it's really cold here.
I didn't bring a coat. Only my gloves.

1058
00:57:30,881 --> 00:57:33,555
[Willie] Goddamn it.
You gotta be shitting me.

1059
00:57:33,617 --> 00:57:36,223
<i>Do you got</i> a <i>pencil
or some shit to write on?</i>

1060
00:57:40,657 --> 00:57:42,330
[knocking on door]

1061
00:57:51,001 --> 00:57:54,278
- [knocking continues]
- Who is it?

1062
00:57:59,309 --> 00:58:02,483
- Who the fuck are you?
- Grandma Willie!

1063
00:58:04,281 --> 00:58:05,351
[man talking on TV]

1064
00:58:05,449 --> 00:58:07,660
[Thurman] And Willie was in such a hurry
to get me my elephant

1065
00:58:07,684 --> 00:58:09,062
that I guess he forgot to pay for it.

1066
00:58:09,086 --> 00:58:13,432
And that made the policemen really mad.
So they followed him back to the house.

1067
00:58:13,490 --> 00:58:15,993
And Willie ran really fast
and he almost got to the door,

1068
00:58:16,093 --> 00:58:19,131
but then they shot him
like eight times in the back.

1069
00:58:19,196 --> 00:58:21,836
In the cowboy movies,
they say that's not even fair.

1070
00:58:21,932 --> 00:58:25,971
And this is the first present
Willie ever got me for Christmas.

1071
00:58:26,036 --> 00:58:27,106
With his blood.

1072
00:58:29,373 --> 00:58:33,480
- Willie, you're home!
- Goddamn, kid. Watch the spine bone.

1073
00:58:33,543 --> 00:58:36,149
I was just telling your mom
how you're a hero.

1074
00:58:36,213 --> 00:58:39,023
Yeah, yeah. Hang on a second.

1075
00:58:39,116 --> 00:58:42,290
You didn't bring a fucking coat,
but you brought that elephant?

1076
00:58:42,352 --> 00:58:45,561
- You didn't tell me to bring a coat.
- I didn't tell you to come.

1077
00:58:45,655 --> 00:58:49,535
- Is this your spawn?
- Do I look like I made him?

1078
00:58:49,626 --> 00:58:51,037
Well, if this ain't
fetal alcohol syndrome,

1079
00:58:51,061 --> 00:58:52,631
then what the fuck is it?

1080
00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:56,337
- He keeps trying to make me a sandwich.
- That's what he does.

1081
00:58:57,734 --> 00:58:59,145
- Elf!

1082
00:59:00,871 --> 00:59:02,316
Hey! You get that key?

1083
00:59:04,508 --> 00:59:05,509
You got smaller.

1084
00:59:09,312 --> 00:59:13,385
- [sighs]
- What the... Am I tripping?

1085
00:59:13,483 --> 00:59:15,759
You might be, because,
you know, certain pussy

1086
00:59:15,852 --> 00:59:18,992
has hallucinogenic aftereffects
if you eat too much of it.

1087
00:59:19,056 --> 00:59:23,004
I found out the hard way once
when I messed with my own kind.

1088
00:59:23,060 --> 00:59:27,031
One time, I ate too much turkey bacon,
I didn't poop for two weeks.

1089
00:59:27,097 --> 00:59:28,940
For four weeks.

1090
00:59:33,170 --> 00:59:36,845
- The key, shorty.
- Okay, first of all, fuck you!

1091
00:59:36,907 --> 00:59:40,047
See that? I told you.
I knew he didn't have it in him.

1092
00:59:40,110 --> 00:59:43,887
And second of all,
what in the fuck is he doing here?

1093
00:59:43,947 --> 00:59:46,860
- That is not how you serve a sandwich.
- Willie.

1094
00:59:46,917 --> 00:59:48,954
I'm working on it, okay?

1095
00:59:49,052 --> 00:59:51,089
[clears throat] Hey, kid, listen.

1096
00:59:51,188 --> 00:59:54,362
This is really not the right place
for you to be, okay?

1097
00:59:54,424 --> 00:59:58,031
Because there's not enough beds?
I only counted one, plus a couch-.

1098
00:59:58,095 --> 01:00:00,598
- Exactly.
- You should get bunk beds, Willie.

1099
01:00:00,697 --> 01:00:02,008
[Willie] Yeah, maybe we'll do that.

1100
01:00:02,032 --> 01:00:04,535
But, uh, in the meantime,
let's you and me head out, all right?

1101
01:00:05,769 --> 01:00:08,147
Bye, Elf. Bye, Willie's mom.

1102
01:00:08,238 --> 01:00:11,811
My mom's in Jesus' house with Mary
and Joseph and the talking walnut.

1103
01:00:13,577 --> 01:00:16,421
- You 100 percent sure he's not yours?
- Yeah.

1104
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:19,461
Well, then, cut him loose.
Set some boundaries, for chrissake.

1105
01:00:19,549 --> 01:00:23,087
You can't have every stray
following you around like a lost puppy.

1106
01:00:23,153 --> 01:00:25,895
- [Sunny] Jesus!
- I said I'm going, okay'?

1107
01:00:25,956 --> 01:00:30,496
Can we get a Chicago pizza?
It's like pizza, but in Chicago.

1108
01:00:30,594 --> 01:00:33,336
Yeah, we'll get a pizza. No sweat.

1109
01:00:38,802 --> 01:00:42,272
This is really fun, Willie.
I didn't even know you had a mom.

1110
01:00:42,339 --> 01:00:46,481
- What'd you think? I was just hatched?
- Well, where were you born?

1111
01:00:46,576 --> 01:00:51,753
I was born in the Pulaski County Juvenile
Detention Center in Little Rock, Arkansas.

1112
01:00:51,815 --> 01:00:55,957
- Oh, that sounds really nice.
- Well, it wasn't nice.

1113
01:00:56,019 --> 01:00:59,796
And she's a mean fucking bitch,
so don't go getting any ideas, all right?

1114
01:00:59,856 --> 01:01:03,303
Well, sometimes you're not nice.
But you're still Santa.

1115
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:08,105
Listen kid, seriously.
You're all grown-up and shit now, okay?

1116
01:01:08,165 --> 01:01:11,806
- You gotta stop that.
- Well, I know you're not the Santa.

1117
01:01:11,868 --> 01:01:13,541
But you're still my Santa.

1118
01:01:22,212 --> 01:01:23,350
Come on. Let's go.

1119
01:01:29,886 --> 01:01:31,559
[cell phone vibrates]

1120
01:01:36,359 --> 01:01:39,203
[cell phone vibrates]

1121
01:02:06,089 --> 01:02:07,193
[softly] Fuck.

1122
01:02:46,796 --> 01:02:50,039
[Willie] Fuck! Fucking pussy!

1123
01:02:56,239 --> 01:02:59,709
[indistinct chatter]

1124
01:02:59,776 --> 01:03:02,620
Look at all the Santas!
I really get to stay here?

1125
01:03:02,712 --> 01:03:05,386
Goddamn right.

1126
01:03:05,448 --> 01:03:08,088
So how long is the kid staying here?

1127
01:03:08,151 --> 01:03:10,153
Hell if I know,
I ain't his fucking secretary.

1128
01:03:10,253 --> 01:03:15,896
- You run the joint.
- [chuckles] Cook, you crack me up.

1129
01:03:15,959 --> 01:03:17,165
I what?

1130
01:03:18,728 --> 01:03:22,232
Boarding room's downstairs on the left.
Any bed that's not taken.

1131
01:03:26,069 --> 01:03:28,242
Alrighty, here we go.

1132
01:03:28,305 --> 01:03:30,342
Now listen,
don't be sitting on any toilet seats.

1133
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:33,512
If you gotta take a shit
just stand over it, couple of feet away,

1134
01:03:33,610 --> 01:03:35,112
take aim and blow it in there.

1135
01:03:35,178 --> 01:03:37,681
'Cause I'm pretty sure crabs can jump.
All right'?

1136
01:03:37,781 --> 01:03:40,193
Don't let anybody muscle up on you
in the showers either,

1137
01:03:40,283 --> 01:03:41,591
because they'll try.

1138
01:03:41,651 --> 01:03:44,825
And if a fight breaks out, go straight
for the nuts or gouge an eye out.

1139
01:03:44,921 --> 01:03:46,332
[vomits]

1140
01:03:48,692 --> 01:03:51,263
I don't think I like it here, Willie.

1141
01:03:51,328 --> 01:03:53,808
Then you should go home,
like I told you to start with.

1142
01:03:53,863 --> 01:03:56,366
But it's not home if there's nobody there.

1143
01:03:56,466 --> 01:03:58,639
What about Granny?
I'm sure she misses you.

1144
01:03:58,702 --> 01:03:59,976
- [Thurman] She died.
- When?

1145
01:04:00,036 --> 01:04:01,037
[Thurman] Two years ago.

1146
01:04:01,137 --> 01:04:04,175
Same day as the President's Day sale
at Blue Mesa Toyota and Scion

1147
01:04:04,274 --> 01:04:06,550
where they put the "whee" in wheels.

1148
01:04:08,011 --> 01:04:09,354
Well, Granny had a good run.

1149
01:04:09,446 --> 01:04:12,325
She was about
150 fucking years old, anyway.

1150
01:04:12,382 --> 01:04:15,989
Look at this, this is not so bad.
Look, you got bunk beds.

1151
01:04:16,052 --> 01:04:17,827
[Willie] Look at that.

1152
01:04:17,887 --> 01:04:21,460
Ow! Goddamn, kid! Fuck!

1153
01:04:21,524 --> 01:04:23,536
- Will we have Christmas together?
- Fuck, I don't know.

1154
01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:26,166
- But, Willie...
- No "but, Willie." Goddamn it!

1155
01:04:26,229 --> 01:04:29,676
I've been chasing your ass off
ever since I fucking met you.

1156
01:04:29,733 --> 01:04:33,545
Do you not take a hint?
I fucking told you that I ain't that guy.

1157
01:04:33,636 --> 01:04:36,549
Life sucks a big, giant dick, kid.

1158
01:04:36,639 --> 01:04:39,142
But you're a fucking man now
and you gotta face up to it.

1159
01:04:39,209 --> 01:04:41,211
Welcome to the shit show.

1160
01:04:42,045 --> 01:04:44,582
- But you're my family.
- No, I'm not yourfamily.

1161
01:04:45,482 --> 01:04:47,052
[Sighs]

1162
01:04:47,150 --> 01:04:53,226
- Okay. I'll try to be a man. For you.
- No, not for me. For you.

1163
01:04:54,758 --> 01:04:56,969
- Even though I'm all alone.
- [Willie] You're not all alone.

1164
01:04:56,993 --> 01:05:00,839
[chuckles] Are you shitting me?
I mean, look around here.

1165
01:05:00,897 --> 01:05:03,503
[Willie] You got all these great guys.

1166
01:05:03,566 --> 01:05:08,879
Except that one jerking off over there.
And that one watching him jerk off.

1167
01:05:08,938 --> 01:05:12,385
You know what, just kind of stay
in this section right here, okay?

1168
01:05:14,711 --> 01:05:16,520
[breathes nervously]
- You'll be fine.

1169
01:05:18,548 --> 01:05:20,050
[man coughs]

1170
01:05:26,423 --> 01:05:28,198
<i>[door closes]</i>

1171
01:05:29,092 --> 01:05:30,093
Hey.

1172
01:05:31,461 --> 01:05:34,442
- Where the hell have you been?
- What are you, my fucking mother?

1173
01:05:34,531 --> 01:05:36,477
I've been dealing with the kid, all right?

1174
01:05:36,566 --> 01:05:39,308
Oh, well, don't lose your focus.
We still need that key.

1175
01:05:39,402 --> 01:05:42,611
I tried seducing the girl myself
but she's strictly dickly.

1176
01:05:42,705 --> 01:05:45,447
Concert's tomorrow night.
So you better step up, buddy boy.

1177
01:05:45,542 --> 01:05:47,146
I thought the midget was doing it.

1178
01:05:47,243 --> 01:05:49,780
Marcus couldn't fuck his way out
of a wet paper bag.

1179
01:05:49,879 --> 01:05:52,485
I'll make sure she knows you got
the hots for her.

1180
01:05:53,917 --> 01:05:56,761
- Really?
- That's what he told me.

1181
01:05:56,820 --> 01:05:58,731
Oh, here he comes.

1182
01:05:58,788 --> 01:06:00,768
Of course you may have to make
the first move,

1183
01:06:00,824 --> 01:06:02,735
- because he seems like the shy type.
- Okay.

1184
01:06:02,792 --> 01:06:06,638
Hey. We still good for tomorrow? The plan.

1185
01:06:06,729 --> 01:06:10,677
- Cutting her out after the grab. Right?
- Yeah, yeah. We're good.

1186
01:06:11,501 --> 01:06:15,506
Come on, shitstick.
Bring it on home to Mama.

1187
01:06:19,242 --> 01:06:20,482
[softly] Goddamn.

1188
01:06:26,015 --> 01:06:29,292
<i>♪ I just can't wait till Christmas day ♪</i>

1189
01:06:30,687 --> 01:06:33,964
<i>♪ My favorite time of the year ♪</i>

1190
01:06:36,793 --> 01:06:38,773
[thuds]

1191
01:06:38,828 --> 01:06:40,034
[Gina] Hey, Cook!

1192
01:06:41,998 --> 01:06:43,341
[Gina] Hey, Cook!

1193
01:06:47,270 --> 01:06:48,840
Mind if join you?

1194
01:06:52,509 --> 01:06:56,616
It's okay to like what you see.
I like what I see.

1195
01:06:57,981 --> 01:06:59,051
[Gina] Oh, yes!

1196
01:06:59,482 --> 01:07:04,898
Oh, oh, yes!
Oh, oh, yes! Yes, oh, come get there.

1197
01:07:04,988 --> 01:07:08,731
Oh, God! Oh, make Mama cum. [moans]

1198
01:07:08,825 --> 01:07:11,305
Don't say "Mama." No mom stuff!

1199
01:07:11,361 --> 01:07:14,535
[grunts] You don't stop till I say stop!

1200
01:07:14,631 --> 01:07:18,477
- Okay, flip over.
- Fine. Bring it.

1201
01:07:22,038 --> 01:07:24,484
Are you washing your fucking hands
right now?

1202
01:07:24,541 --> 01:07:25,542
No.

1203
01:07:25,642 --> 01:07:29,522
Oh, wait, wait. That's not my... Huh.

1204
01:07:29,579 --> 01:07:31,058
[Gina] on, my God!

1205
01:07:31,147 --> 01:07:35,220
Oh, my God! That feels amazing! Holy shit!

1206
01:07:35,318 --> 01:07:38,424
[moans]

1207
01:07:41,190 --> 01:07:45,229
Harder! [moans]

1208
01:07:45,328 --> 01:07:46,773
Harder! Yes!

1209
01:08:03,046 --> 01:08:08,860
<i>[choir singing]
♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪</i>

1210
01:08:08,918 --> 01:08:14,800
<i>♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪</i>

1211
01:08:16,559 --> 01:08:22,237
<i>♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪</i>

1212
01:08:25,702 --> 01:08:29,275
<i>♪ Silent night ♪</i>

1213
01:08:29,372 --> 01:08:31,249
- ♪ Holy night ♪
- [Thurman] Oh, my gosh.

1214
01:08:31,307 --> 01:08:34,880
You guys are really good at singing.
I like to sing in the bathtub.

1215
01:08:34,944 --> 01:08:37,982
I'm a soprano. My friend Ronnie says
I sound like Mariah Carey.

1216
01:08:39,449 --> 01:08:44,398
- Hello. What's your name?
- I'm Thurman. Thurman Merman.

1217
01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:47,094
For real? Ha!

1218
01:08:48,458 --> 01:08:50,438
Would you like to join us, Thurman?

1219
01:08:52,762 --> 01:08:54,400
This looks like it might fit.

1220
01:08:56,165 --> 01:08:58,577
- I get to wear this?
- Of course you do.

1221
01:08:58,635 --> 01:09:02,777
You're a Santa now, Thurman.
Go ahead, put it on.

1222
01:09:07,577 --> 01:09:09,079
It's got a lot of paper trash in it,

1223
01:09:09,145 --> 01:09:13,093
so I think it should be a light landing
for both of you. Okay?

1224
01:09:13,149 --> 01:09:14,492
- [door closes]
- So..

1225
01:09:14,584 --> 01:09:18,657
Where the fuck have you been? We gotta
lock everything down for tomorrow.

1226
01:09:18,755 --> 01:09:22,032
[keys jangling]
- That's my boy!

1227
01:09:22,125 --> 01:09:25,766
- Shit. How'd you get that?
- He tapped that security girl.

1228
01:09:25,828 --> 01:09:30,504
[Marcus] Ha-ha. Very funny.
Wait... for real'?

1229
01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:34,207
I didn't exactly have to talk her into it.
She was wetter than Lake Michigan.

1230
01:09:34,303 --> 01:09:36,476
Matter of fact, I think she roofied me.

1231
01:09:36,539 --> 01:09:39,315
[Sunny] Ah, rohypnol.
Excellent icebreaker.

1232
01:09:39,375 --> 01:09:42,117
Of course, it's harder for the girl
because she's gotta get off

1233
01:09:42,178 --> 01:09:44,124
- before the drugs soften the noodle.
- Yeah.

1234
01:09:44,180 --> 01:09:45,887
Ya! You no good motherfucker!

1235
01:09:45,982 --> 01:09:47,159
- What the fuck?
- [Marcus] You...

1236
01:09:47,183 --> 01:09:48,761
- [Willie] God!
- [Sunny] Get off of him!

1237
01:09:48,785 --> 01:09:50,496
- Hey! Get off of him you little shit!
- [grunts]

1238
01:09:50,520 --> 01:09:52,097
- [Marcus] I'll kill your ass!
- [Willie] Let go of me!

1239
01:09:52,121 --> 01:09:53,862
- Motherfucker!
- Get off of him!

1240
01:09:53,956 --> 01:09:56,459
- [grunts]
- Oh, jeez, I'm sorry.

1241
01:09:56,526 --> 01:09:58,665
[Marcus] Hey, goddamn pussy!
You motherfucker!

1242
01:09:58,728 --> 01:10:01,174
Just get off of him. Hey! [groans]

1243
01:10:01,230 --> 01:10:04,211
- [thuds]
- [Willie] Goddamn it!

1244
01:10:04,300 --> 01:10:06,712
-[Willie] Ow!

1245
01:10:08,538 --> 01:10:10,848
- [coughs, groans]
- [Willie] Goddamn!

1246
01:10:13,176 --> 01:10:16,214
My first shot at a good piece of ass
after nearly ten years

1247
01:10:16,312 --> 01:10:19,088
and you gotta go
and take a dump on that too.

1248
01:10:19,182 --> 01:10:20,893
- [Marcus] Fuck you!
- It was just business.

1249
01:10:20,917 --> 01:10:23,488
You just ruined
a perfectly good piece of pussy

1250
01:10:23,553 --> 01:10:25,533
with that diseased-ass dick of yours.

1251
01:10:25,588 --> 01:10:29,695
I'm glad I tea-bagged your drunk ass,
you fucking piece-of-shit motherfucker!

1252
01:10:29,759 --> 01:10:33,104
Would you get it together?
Tomorrow is go time.

1253
01:10:33,196 --> 01:10:36,268
- [Marcus] I need some air.
[coughs]

1254
01:10:38,000 --> 01:10:39,001
[Sighs]

1255
01:10:39,068 --> 01:10:44,416
Now, see? Who the fuck does he think
he is talking to you that way?

1256
01:10:44,507 --> 01:10:48,011
- That's it. We're cutting him out.
- What? Fuck no.

1257
01:10:48,077 --> 01:10:51,183
I mean, he's just steamed a little bit.
He'll be fine.

1258
01:10:51,247 --> 01:10:53,557
Okay, you wanna share
half of your take with him?

1259
01:10:53,616 --> 01:10:56,358
- Be my guest.
- You know, I don'! fucking get you.

1260
01:10:56,419 --> 01:10:58,865
I mean, you're the one
that brought that little shit in.

1261
01:10:58,921 --> 01:11:03,597
No, shitstick. I brought you in.
You're the safe cracker.

1262
01:11:03,693 --> 01:11:07,641
He can't even crack his own ass.
Fuck that.

1263
01:11:07,730 --> 01:11:10,438
We're going to Mexico. [coughs]

1264
01:11:10,533 --> 01:11:13,980
[grunts] It's loaded now.
You're good to go.

1265
01:11:14,070 --> 01:11:15,708
[Sighs]

1266
01:11:16,973 --> 01:11:18,884
You did this whole fucking thing

1267
01:11:18,941 --> 01:11:22,115
just to have me to go
to shit-ass Mexico with you?

1268
01:11:22,211 --> 01:11:26,751
I just thought it might be fun to spend
Christmas with the only family I got left.

1269
01:11:26,816 --> 01:11:31,663
- Why's that such a surprise?
- Well... [chuckles]

1270
01:11:32,822 --> 01:11:37,635
You know, they'd grant Charles Manson
fucking parole if it wasn't for one thing.

1271
01:11:37,727 --> 01:11:41,732
- He's Charles Manson.
- I get it.

1272
01:11:41,798 --> 01:11:47,305
Maybe I don't blame you.
But things change at the end of the road.

1273
01:11:48,171 --> 01:11:50,947
- [knocking on door]
[Thurman] Willie?

1274
01:11:51,007 --> 01:11:53,578
- [Thurman] Willie, you in there?
- Get rid of him.

1275
01:11:56,946 --> 01:11:58,926
- Is this an emergency?
- No.

1276
01:11:58,981 --> 01:12:01,593
I just wanted to invite you
to the Christmas concert tomorrow, Willie.

1277
01:12:01,617 --> 01:12:02,687
I'm singing in the choir.

1278
01:12:02,785 --> 01:12:06,255
We're doing all the Christmas carols,
"Silent Night," "Deck the Halls,"

1279
01:12:06,322 --> 01:12:09,531
"Jingle Bells," "Veni, Veni, Emmanuel."
That one's in Latin.

1280
01:12:09,625 --> 01:12:13,095
I know you're busy, but it's only for
an hour and all the parents are coming.

1281
01:12:13,162 --> 01:12:15,267
And I know you're not my real family,

1282
01:12:15,331 --> 01:12:18,676
but when you don't have real family,
then you have to make a new one.

1283
01:12:18,768 --> 01:12:20,579
And it's actually better
because then you get to pick the people

1284
01:12:20,603 --> 01:12:22,048
who are in your family.

1285
01:12:22,138 --> 01:12:23,481
And you're the family I picked.

1286
01:12:25,007 --> 01:12:27,214
And that's why I followed you to Chicago.

1287
01:12:27,310 --> 01:12:29,310
Because I didn't want you
to spend Christmas alone.

1288
01:12:31,113 --> 01:12:34,151
So can you come? And then maybe
after we can go to SantaCon or...

1289
01:12:34,217 --> 01:12:37,061
I, I can't. I can't come.

1290
01:12:43,226 --> 01:12:47,538
- Look, I'll try to make it. Okay?
- Okay. I'll look for you, Willie.

1291
01:12:47,630 --> 01:12:49,374
I'll look for you
and I'll wave like this. Okay'?

1292
01:12:49,398 --> 01:12:51,309
Yeah. Okay, All right. Good deal.

1293
01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:55,247
- All right. I'll see you.
- Bye, Willie.

1294
01:12:55,338 --> 01:12:56,874
<i>[door closes]</i>

1295
01:12:56,973 --> 01:13:01,012
What are you, the fucking FBI?
That place is gonna be crowded.

1296
01:13:01,077 --> 01:13:02,522
He won't even know I'm not there.

1297
01:13:02,578 --> 01:13:04,182
- Good.
- [Thurman] Good night, Elf!

1298
01:13:04,247 --> 01:13:06,207
For a minute there,
I thought you were going soft.

1299
01:13:06,249 --> 01:13:08,320
[muttering]

1300
01:13:09,886 --> 01:13:13,732
I hate your guts, motherfucker.
But business is business.

1301
01:13:13,823 --> 01:13:15,097
Let's do this.

1302
01:13:17,827 --> 01:13:20,831
[indistinct chattering]

1303
01:13:20,897 --> 01:13:22,574
- Hi, thank you so much for coming.
- Okay?

1304
01:13:22,598 --> 01:13:24,703
- You look gorgeous.
- Amazing. Hi, good to see you.

1305
01:13:24,767 --> 01:13:26,940
[engine revving]

1306
01:13:28,004 --> 01:13:31,076
- Time?
- Concert starts in five.

1307
01:13:32,375 --> 01:13:33,854
[applause]

1308
01:13:40,850 --> 01:13:43,057
As you know,
Christmas is a time for giving.

1309
01:13:43,119 --> 01:13:45,599
And we want to thank you all
for being here tonight.

1310
01:13:50,693 --> 01:13:54,869
All right, let's sync them up, boys.
At 7:45, the power goes down.

1311
01:13:54,931 --> 01:13:56,035
That's on me.

1312
01:13:56,098 --> 01:13:59,079
You got ten minutes to get
to Regent's office, crack that safe,

1313
01:13:59,135 --> 01:14:01,445
grab the money,
throw it down the garbage chute

1314
01:14:01,537 --> 01:14:04,643
and then get the hell out of there
before anybody knows what's hit them.

1315
01:14:04,740 --> 01:14:09,951
Now please join me in welcoming
the Giving City Children's Choir.

1316
01:14:10,046 --> 01:14:11,753
[applause]

1317
01:14:13,582 --> 01:14:17,394
And without further ado, I would like
to introduce our choirmaster, Renee.

1318
01:14:17,453 --> 01:14:19,296
[applause]

1319
01:14:19,388 --> 01:14:22,801
You got a match? Well, send it over!

1320
01:14:22,892 --> 01:14:26,965
Now we're gonna get this party started
with an old favorite.

1321
01:14:27,063 --> 01:14:29,441
<i>[choir singing]
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪</i>

1322
01:14:29,498 --> 01:14:31,978
<i>♪ Fa la la la la la la la la ♪</i>

1323
01:14:32,068 --> 01:14:36,847
<i>♪ Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la la la la la ♪</i>

1324
01:14:36,939 --> 01:14:42,013
<i>♪ Sing we joyous all together
Fa la la la la la la la la ♪</i>

1325
01:14:42,111 --> 01:14:47,254
<i>♪ Heed/ass of the wind and weather
Fa la la la la la la la la ♪</i>

1326
01:14:47,316 --> 01:14:53,790
♪ Fa la la la la la la la la
La la la ♪

1327
01:14:55,691 --> 01:14:56,965
[applause]

1328
01:14:57,026 --> 01:14:59,529
- This is all your handiwork.
- [Willie] Huh?

1329
01:14:59,628 --> 01:15:03,041
The money you helped us raise,
it gave Christmas to these kids.

1330
01:15:03,132 --> 01:15:05,112
You're part of the family now.

1331
01:15:13,009 --> 01:15:14,044
Hmm.

1332
01:15:16,312 --> 01:15:18,849
[Gina] Ugh! Boring.

1333
01:15:20,883 --> 01:15:24,057
Ooh, no teeth' That's hot.

1334
01:15:30,860 --> 01:15:31,895
Oh'

1335
01:15:35,798 --> 01:15:39,905
Oh, yeah. Who's got the pussy lips now,
motherfucker?

1336
01:15:41,370 --> 01:15:43,648
- I never gave you this.
- [choirmaster] Thank you. Thank you.

1337
01:15:43,672 --> 01:15:44,673
Room 523.

1338
01:15:44,740 --> 01:15:46,518
[choirmaster]
I'd like to call to the stage now

1339
01:15:46,542 --> 01:15:50,149
a very special member of our choir.

1340
01:15:50,212 --> 01:15:54,183
Please say hello to Thurman Merman.
Thurman?

1341
01:15:54,250 --> 01:15:55,854
[applause]

1342
01:15:55,918 --> 01:15:58,831
["Silent Night" playing]

1343
01:16:02,324 --> 01:16:06,363
<i>[sings] ♪ Silent night ♪</i>

1344
01:16:06,429 --> 01:16:10,741
<i>♪ Holy night ♪</i>

1345
01:16:10,833 --> 01:16:14,110
<i>♪ All is calm ♪</i>

1346
01:16:15,037 --> 01:16:18,416
<i>♪ All is bright ♪</i>

1347
01:16:18,507 --> 01:16:25,516
<i>♪ 'Round yon virgin mother and child ♪</i>

1348
01:16:27,283 --> 01:16:33,928
<i>♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪</i>

1349
01:16:35,257 --> 01:16:42,141
<i>♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪</i>

1350
01:16:43,933 --> 01:16:49,576
<i>♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪</i>

1351
01:16:52,041 --> 01:16:55,921
<i>♪ Silent night ♪</i>

1352
01:16:55,978 --> 01:17:00,290
<i>♪ Holy night ♪</i>

1353
01:17:00,382 --> 01:17:06,992
<i>♪ Shepherds quake at the sight ♪</i>

1354
01:17:08,324 --> 01:17:15,173
<i>♪ Glories stream from heaven afar ♪</i>

1355
01:17:16,599 --> 01:17:23,346
<i>♪ Heavenly hosts sing hallelujah ♪</i>

1356
01:17:24,240 --> 01:17:31,124
<i>♪ Christ the savior is born ♪</i>

1357
01:17:32,781 --> 01:17:37,753
<i>♪ Christ the savior is born ♪</i>

1358
01:17:39,321 --> 01:17:41,130
[cheering and applause]

1359
01:17:41,190 --> 01:17:42,828
Find them. All of them!

1360
01:17:48,330 --> 01:17:53,330
[beeping]

1361
01:17:59,441 --> 01:18:00,545
[beeps]

1362
01:18:04,180 --> 01:18:05,818
[applause]

1363
01:18:05,881 --> 01:18:07,326
Go! Go, go, go, go!

1364
01:18:07,383 --> 01:18:09,056
[cheering]

1365
01:18:09,151 --> 01:18:11,654
Gina, check the security cameras.

1366
01:18:11,720 --> 01:18:13,028
Copy, checking.

1367
01:18:14,557 --> 01:18:15,558
Oh, shit!

1368
01:18:20,296 --> 01:18:21,297
[beeps]

1369
01:18:25,234 --> 01:18:28,340
- Three minutes, Willie, come on!
- Shut the fuck up! I can't hear.

1370
01:18:28,404 --> 01:18:30,975
- Just hurry your ass!
- [beeps]

1371
01:18:37,813 --> 01:18:38,883
What the hell is this?

1372
01:18:38,981 --> 01:18:40,458
Wait, bring up my office,
I wanna see the safe.

1373
01:18:40,482 --> 01:18:42,689
I can't, sir.
It still has eight minutes to reboot.

1374
01:18:42,751 --> 01:18:44,162
What? Call the police!

1375
01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:45,722
- Let's go, come on!
- I'm on it.

1376
01:18:46,522 --> 01:18:50,060
Well, that can't be more
than half a million, 600 tops.

1377
01:18:50,159 --> 01:18:51,832
Well, fuck, that's all we got.

1378
01:18:51,894 --> 01:18:54,534
- [gun clicks]
- Perfect amount for my cut.

1379
01:18:57,733 --> 01:19:02,876
Are you shitting me? Really?
You know the old lady's right.

1380
01:19:05,441 --> 01:19:07,580
Not so big now, are you?

1381
01:19:24,727 --> 01:19:27,469
Come on, come on,
come on, come on. [hissing]

1382
01:19:29,365 --> 01:19:30,969
[Regent] Motherfuckers!

1383
01:19:31,066 --> 01:19:36,106
- Lock it down. The whole building!
- We're on a level-ten lockdown.

1384
01:19:36,205 --> 01:19:37,479
Lockdown level ten.

1385
01:19:39,475 --> 01:19:41,386
- Get in!
- You get in!

1386
01:19:41,443 --> 01:19:43,443
[Regent] Evacuate the concert!
And search everyone.

1387
01:19:51,253 --> 01:19:52,425
'[Thudding] [gasps]

1388
01:19:52,488 --> 01:19:55,901
- [Sunny] Halle-fucking-lujah!
- [Willie and Marcus grunt]

1389
01:19:55,958 --> 01:19:58,063
On, baby!

1390
01:19:58,127 --> 01:20:00,664
[police car sirens wailing]

1391
01:20:00,763 --> 01:20:02,242
'Oh!

1392
01:20:03,399 --> 01:20:05,310
Sweet Jesus, you made it!

1393
01:20:05,401 --> 01:20:08,245
What's the fucking Santy Claus outfit
all about?

1394
01:20:08,304 --> 01:20:10,011
Now step the fuck back!

1395
01:20:10,105 --> 01:20:13,177
- [giggles] What are you doing, runt?
- It's called thinning the herd.

1396
01:20:13,275 --> 01:20:16,654
World's gonna be a better place
without the fucking Sokes in it.

1397
01:20:16,745 --> 01:20:19,089
I'm gonna live like a king this time.

1398
01:20:19,148 --> 01:20:22,493
- A fucking sultan!
- Not in this lifetime, Sparky-.

1399
01:20:22,584 --> 01:20:26,293
- The bag goes with me.
- You mean with us.

1400
01:20:26,355 --> 01:20:30,030
- No, I mean me.
- What the fuck did you just say?

1401
01:20:30,125 --> 01:20:34,267
When I said this was my last job,
I meant it was my last job with you.

1402
01:20:35,931 --> 01:20:39,640
I knew I should've left, second
I saw your miserable fucking face.

1403
01:20:41,370 --> 01:20:43,008
Why did I forget?

1404
01:20:43,105 --> 01:20:46,518
Nice job on the safe, though.
Yeah, I'm real proud of you.

1405
01:20:46,608 --> 01:20:48,986
Well, you know something, Mama?

1406
01:20:49,044 --> 01:20:51,046
Maybe you're not as smart
as you think you are.

1407
01:20:51,146 --> 01:20:54,616
- Did you forget about this?
- [police car sirens wailing]

1408
01:20:54,683 --> 01:20:57,527
Oh, how could I have forgotten?

1409
01:20:58,554 --> 01:21:01,899
Go ahead. Shoot me, shitstick.

1410
01:21:17,373 --> 01:21:19,080
They're blanks, Willie.

1411
01:21:19,174 --> 01:21:23,850
You really think I'd be dumb enough
to put real bullets in that gun?

1412
01:21:23,912 --> 01:21:27,485
Well, I ain't afraid of you, bitch!
I'll blow a hole through your ass so...

1413
01:21:27,549 --> 01:21:29,358
[grunts]

1414
01:21:31,387 --> 01:21:32,991
[Willie] The fuck?

1415
01:21:33,055 --> 01:21:34,999
[police] Drop your weapons!
Put your hands in the...

1416
01:21:35,023 --> 01:21:38,368
Hey, hang on a second. She's got
the money, I'm just a fucking guy!

1417
01:21:38,427 --> 01:21:40,429
[gunfire]

1418
01:21:42,364 --> 01:21:43,843
[gunfire]

1419
01:22:04,686 --> 01:22:07,189
Willie! Hey, Willie!

1420
01:22:11,860 --> 01:22:14,568
[pop music playing]

1421
01:22:17,599 --> 01:22:20,443
- [bouncer] Ticket please.
- [beeps]

1422
01:22:20,536 --> 01:22:23,483
[cheering]

1423
01:22:24,473 --> 01:22:30,719
[loud pop music playing]

1424
01:22:30,779 --> 01:22:32,986
[police car sirens wailing]

1425
01:22:37,753 --> 01:22:40,427
[police] Let us through right now.
We're chasing a suspect.

1426
01:22:40,489 --> 01:22:43,095
[indistinct dialogue]

1427
01:22:44,493 --> 01:22:47,667
[crowd cheering]

1428
01:22:52,634 --> 01:22:55,672
[cop speaking indistinctly]

1429
01:23:11,820 --> 01:23:15,859
- Come here.
- [grunts]

1430
01:23:24,500 --> 01:23:26,980
[giggling]

1431
01:23:32,140 --> 01:23:34,211
- [grunts]
- [man] Come on, man.

1432
01:23:47,956 --> 01:23:49,697
[Pants]

1433
01:23:52,394 --> 01:23:55,068
- Hey!
"[groans]

1434
01:23:55,163 --> 01:23:59,509
- Found this on the coffee table.
- Well, hoo-fucking-rah, William.

1435
01:23:59,568 --> 01:24:02,242
Well, give me the fucking bag.
I'm taking this back to the kids.

1436
01:24:02,337 --> 01:24:04,544
I'd rather them have it
than your sorry ass.

1437
01:24:04,640 --> 01:24:08,349
- Don't test me, boy.
- You're gonna shoot me too?

1438
01:24:08,410 --> 01:24:10,321
- [fireworks exploding]
- [grunts]

1439
01:24:10,379 --> 01:24:12,586
[crowd cheering]

1440
01:24:12,681 --> 01:24:19,098
- [groans] You fucking shot me!
- I told you I would. You never listen.

1441
01:24:20,522 --> 01:24:21,592
[grunts]

1442
01:24:21,690 --> 01:24:25,536
[Sunny] Let go of the bag, William.
Let go of the bag.

1443
01:24:25,594 --> 01:24:29,041
Goddamn it, let go of the fucking bag!

1444
01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:34,438
[cheering]

1445
01:24:36,738 --> 01:24:39,014
[man] Money!

1446
01:24:40,108 --> 01:24:42,918
[man] It's raining money!

1447
01:24:47,516 --> 01:24:48,927
[man] She's got a gun!

1448
01:24:51,687 --> 01:24:53,360
[Thurman] Willie!

1449
01:24:57,459 --> 01:24:58,870
[police] Drop the weapon! Get down!

1450
01:24:58,927 --> 01:25:00,929
The fuck is going on? Hey, goddamn it!

1451
01:25:01,396 --> 01:25:04,434
[Willie] I caught a fucking
midget-murdering fucking armed robber.

1452
01:25:04,533 --> 01:25:06,069
I'm a goddamn hero.

1453
01:25:24,119 --> 01:25:27,100
Don't worry, Willie. I'm okay.
It's just in my butt.

1454
01:25:29,658 --> 01:25:30,659
Willie?

1455
01:25:30,759 --> 01:25:33,603
- [heart rate monitor flat lines]
- No!

1456
01:25:36,164 --> 01:25:38,144
<i>[Willie] Oh, f...</i>

1457
01:25:39,101 --> 01:25:43,413
- [Willie groans]
- [woman] Stand clear.

1458
01:25:43,472 --> 01:25:45,247
[grunts]

1459
01:25:45,307 --> 01:25:50,256
Oh! Fuck me!

1460
01:25:50,312 --> 01:25:52,258
- [exhales]
- [sighs]

1461
01:25:52,314 --> 01:25:55,261
- Merry Christmas.
- Yeah.

1462
01:26:01,189 --> 01:26:04,329
<i>[Willie] Well, I guess this is
what they call a happy ending.</i>

1463
01:26:04,426 --> 01:26:08,340
<i>But as far as Christmas miracles go,
shit, I don'£ know.</i>

1464
01:26:08,430 --> 01:26:11,206
<i>That asshole Regent ended up
getting busted</i>

1465
01:26:11,299 --> 01:26:14,473
<i>while I got off clean by rafting out
my steaming pile of shit mother.</i>

1466
01:26:16,605 --> 01:26:20,178
<i>Guess I did learn one thing about family
from that crazy bitch.</i>

1467
01:26:20,275 --> 01:26:23,518
<i>And that is, if yours happens to be
a bag of dicks, then fuck them.</i>

1468
01:26:23,612 --> 01:26:26,218
<i>- [Willie] Start over.
- ♪ Oh yeah candles burning low ♪</i>

1469
01:26:27,549 --> 01:26:29,495
<i>♪ Lots of mistletoe ♪</i>

1470
01:26:30,519 --> 01:26:33,625
<i>♪ Lots of snow and ice ♪</i>

1471
01:26:33,689 --> 01:26:36,636
<i>♪ Everywhere we go ♪</i>

1472
01:26:36,692 --> 01:26:39,332
<i>♪ Choirs singing carols ♪</i>

1473
01:26:39,394 --> 01:26:42,136
♪ Right outside <i>my</i> door ♪

1474
01:26:42,197 --> 01:26:45,201
<i>♪ All these things and more ♪</i>

1475
01:26:45,300 --> 01:26:47,507
<i>♪ All these things and more, babe ♪</i>

1476
01:26:47,569 --> 01:26:55,569
<i>♪ That's what Christmas means to me
My love ♪</i>

1477
01:26:56,244 --> 01:26:58,383
<i>♪ Yeah ♪</i>

1478
01:27:00,215 --> 01:27:03,856
<i>[Willie] So maybe there is no such thing
as a Christmas miracle, or whatever.</i>

1479
01:27:07,222 --> 01:27:11,398
<i>But I've worn the suit enough to know</i>
a <i>perfect Christmas gift when I see one.</i>

1480
01:27:15,897 --> 01:27:20,437
<i>And like the kid says,
"The best gifts are always a surprise."</i>

1481
01:27:27,576 --> 01:27:30,682
<i>So if a happy ending is staring at you
right in the fucking face,</i>

1482
01:27:30,746 --> 01:27:35,456
<i>then just say, "All right,
I guess I'll take it "</i>

1483
01:27:35,550 --> 01:27:38,963
<i>♪ And wish you a Merry Christmas, baby ♪</i>

1484
01:27:39,054 --> 01:27:40,624
<i>♪ Wish you a Merry Christmas, baby ♪</i>

1485
01:27:40,722 --> 01:27:46,866
<i>♪ And such happiness in the coming year ♪</i>

1486
01:27:46,928 --> 01:27:50,239
<i>♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪</i>

1487
01:27:50,298 --> 01:27:52,642
<i>♪ All these things and more, baby ♪</i>

1488
01:27:52,734 --> 01:27:59,447
<i>♪ That's what Christmas means to me
My love ♪</i>

1489
01:27:59,541 --> 01:28:02,420
[groans]

1490
01:28:02,544 --> 01:28:03,921
[howls]