1
00:01:58,292 --> 00:02:01,718
You must do your best tonight,
be on your toes, men.

2
00:02:01,728 --> 00:02:04,950
There's an honored guest tonight.
He's one of those men,

3
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,041
who are being feted
by the smart-set.

4
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:11,325
We'll see that he
gets what he deserves.

5
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,701
Treat him as they do a king,
in manner royal.

6
00:02:14,908 --> 00:02:18,075
Like a subject to a king,
you must be loyal.

7
00:02:18,291 --> 00:02:21,331
On this object
you must have your hearts set.

8
00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:24,071
We'll do nothing to get on his nerves.

9
00:02:24,297 --> 00:02:27,662
Again I mention:
Be on your toes, men.

10
00:02:27,846 --> 00:02:30,534
He craves attention,
he's one of those men.

11
00:02:30,713 --> 00:02:34,949
Yes sir, We will give him
just what he deserves.

12
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,700
Oh, Hives...
- Yes, Mrs. Rittenhouse?

13
00:02:47,896 --> 00:02:50,431
I'd like to make a few changes
to the assignment of the rooms.

14
00:02:50,441 --> 00:02:51,392
- Very good, Madam.

15
00:02:51,402 --> 00:02:53,991
So, would you put Mr. Chandler
in the Blue suite.

16
00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:56,022
and Captain Spalding, as guest of honor,

17
00:02:56,032 --> 00:02:58,672
will have the Green duplex
with the two baths.

18
00:02:58,682 --> 00:02:59,852
- Two, Madam?

19
00:02:59,862 --> 00:03:04,155
- Why, yes. I think the Captain
would like two baths, don't you?

20
00:03:04,289 --> 00:03:08,827
Well, if he's just returned from Africa,
he may need two baths.

21
00:03:09,245 --> 00:03:11,568
- Mr. Roscoe W. Chandler.

22
00:03:13,097 --> 00:03:16,154
- Mrs. Rittenhouse! Well, I...

23
00:03:17,203 --> 00:03:18,743
- Mr. Chandler!

24
00:03:19,638 --> 00:03:21,782
So nice to see you.

25
00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,247
- The famous Beaugard, as I have promised.

26
00:03:24,257 --> 00:03:27,195
Mr. Chandler,
how can I ever express my gratitude?

27
00:03:27,205 --> 00:03:28,982
- Oh, 'tis nothing.

28
00:03:29,118 --> 00:03:34,403
Nothing? You return from Europe
with a masterpiece valued at $100,000,

29
00:03:34,694 --> 00:03:36,817
and instead of displaying it yourself,

30
00:03:37,031 --> 00:03:40,572
you allow me to unveil it
at my party in honour of Captain Spalding.

31
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:44,816
You call that nothing?
- Mrs. Rittenhouse, I...

32
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,941
Will you please remove that to the
place where it is to be exhibited.

33
00:03:48,951 --> 00:03:49,973
- Very good, sir.

34
00:03:49,983 --> 00:03:52,314
And very careful, please.

35
00:03:52,601 --> 00:03:55,356
Mrs. Rittenhouse,
You think that is something?

36
00:03:55,366 --> 00:03:58,795
It is nothing compared to
what I would like to do for you.

37
00:03:58,944 --> 00:04:03,587
You are a very beautiful woman.
- No, no, Mr. Chandler.

38
00:04:03,597 --> 00:04:06,531
Well, maybe I'm wrong.
- What?

39
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:10,885
Please do not go, Mrs. Rittenhouse.
I love you.

40
00:04:10,895 --> 00:04:14,188
- I know. Mr. Chandler, now look...

41
00:04:14,198 --> 00:04:18,191
Hello, Mother. Playing house?

42
00:04:18,503 --> 00:04:21,565
Well, if you'll pardon me.

43
00:04:21,883 --> 00:04:23,465
Have you seen Johnny Parker?

44
00:04:23,475 --> 00:04:25,430
- I wish you'd get Johnny Parker
out of your mind

45
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,738
and show more respect
to Mr. Chandler.

46
00:04:27,998 --> 00:04:31,541
The trouble with you is you don't
take these social affairs seriously.

47
00:04:31,675 --> 00:04:34,742
What would you suggest, Mom? Suicide?

48
00:04:34,891 --> 00:04:36,724
I would suggest...

49
00:04:37,405 --> 00:04:41,184
That must be him.
- Captain Spalding has arrived.

50
00:04:41,612 --> 00:04:44,231
Splendid! I'm so glad.

51
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:47,342
My friends,
Captain Spalding has arrived.

52
00:04:47,570 --> 00:04:51,001
At last we are to meet him,
the famous Captain Spalding.

53
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:54,508
From climates hot and scalding,
the Captain has arrived.

54
00:04:54,686 --> 00:04:58,133
Most heartily we'll greet him,
with plain and fancy cheering,

55
00:04:58,143 --> 00:05:01,632
until he's hard of hearing.
The Captain has arrived.

56
00:05:01,642 --> 00:05:09,771
The Captain has arrived.

57
00:05:10,861 --> 00:05:16,466
Mr. Horatio W. Jamison,
Field Secretary of Captain Spalding.

58
00:05:24,651 --> 00:05:27,587
I represent the Captain,
who insists on my informing you

59
00:05:27,597 --> 00:05:30,133
on these conditions
under which he camps here.

60
00:05:30,696 --> 00:05:34,182
In one thing he is very strict.
He wants his women young and picked.

61
00:05:34,192 --> 00:05:37,059
As for men,
he won't have any tramps here.

62
00:05:37,484 --> 00:05:40,770
As for men,
he won't have any tramps here.

63
00:05:40,780 --> 00:05:43,659
There must be no tramps.

64
00:05:43,899 --> 00:05:47,208
The men must all be very old,
the women warm, the champagne cold.

65
00:05:47,218 --> 00:05:50,225
It's under these conditions
that he camps here.

66
00:05:50,649 --> 00:05:54,012
I'm announcing
Captain Jeffrey Spalding.

67
00:05:54,191 --> 00:05:57,610
He's announcing
Captain Jeffrey Spalding.

68
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:01,169
Oh dear. He is coming.

69
00:06:01,586 --> 00:06:05,590
At last he's here.

70
00:06:29,354 --> 00:06:31,179
Well, what do I owe you?

71
00:06:34,354 --> 00:06:37,386
What, from Africa to here, $1.85?
That's an outrage!

72
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:39,918
I told you not to take me through Australia.
You know it's all ripped up.

73
00:06:39,928 --> 00:06:42,469
You shoulda come right up to Lincoln
Boulevard. Where do you cover that stuff?

74
00:06:42,479 --> 00:06:45,760
Turn around the rear end.
I want to see your license plates.

75
00:06:46,186 --> 00:06:48,635
I'll attend to you later. Don't try to pull that..
- Captain Spalding

76
00:06:48,645 --> 00:06:51,038
Why, you're one of the most beautiful
women I've ever seen

77
00:06:51,048 --> 00:06:52,718
and that's not saying much for you.

78
00:06:52,728 --> 00:06:55,978
Captain Spalding, Rittenhouse Manor
is entirely at your disposal.

79
00:06:55,988 --> 00:06:59,934
Well, I'm certainly grateful for this
magnificent washout, ah, turnout.

80
00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:02,288
Now I'd like to say a few words.

81
00:07:02,298 --> 00:07:05,117
Hello, I must be going.

82
00:07:05,340 --> 00:07:08,156
I cannot stay.
I came to say I must be going.

83
00:07:08,409 --> 00:07:11,932
I'm glad I came,
but just the same, I must be going.

84
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,716
But my friend, you must stay.

85
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:19,383
If you should go away, you'll spoil
this party I am throwing.

86
00:07:19,393 --> 00:07:23,878
I'll stay a week or two,
I'll stay the summer through,

87
00:07:24,017 --> 00:07:26,648
but I am telling you,

88
00:07:26,850 --> 00:07:30,898
I must be going.

89
00:07:31,092 --> 00:07:34,523
Before you go,
will you oblige us

90
00:07:34,683 --> 00:07:38,422
and tell us of
your deeds so glowing?

91
00:07:38,682 --> 00:07:42,659
I'll do anything you say. In fact
I'll even stay. - Good.

92
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:48,191
But I must be going.

93
00:07:50,598 --> 00:07:54,298
There's something that I'd like to say
that he's too modest to relay.

94
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,984
The Captain is a moral man.
Sometimes he finds it trying.

95
00:07:58,139 --> 00:08:02,383
This fact I'll emphasize with stress.
I never take a drink unless...

96
00:08:02,547 --> 00:08:03,917
somebody's buying.

97
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,486
The Captain is a very moral man.

98
00:08:06,639 --> 00:08:10,372
If he hears anything obscene,
he'll naturally repel it.

99
00:08:10,595 --> 00:08:15,296
I hate a dirty joke, I do,
unless it's told by someone who

100
00:08:15,489 --> 00:08:17,365
knows how to tell it.

101
00:08:17,499 --> 00:08:20,277
The Captain is a very moral man.

102
00:08:20,575 --> 00:08:23,633
Hooray for Captain Spalding,
the African explorer.

103
00:08:23,643 --> 00:08:25,196
Did someone call me Shnorrer?

104
00:08:25,206 --> 00:08:26,953
Hooray, hooray, hooray!

105
00:08:29,998 --> 00:08:33,214
He went into the jungle,
where all the monkeys throw nuts.

106
00:08:33,224 --> 00:08:34,823
If I stay here, I'll go nuts.

107
00:08:34,833 --> 00:08:36,789
Hooray, hooray, hooray!

108
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:42,885
He puts all his reliance
in courage and defiance

109
00:08:42,895 --> 00:08:44,461
and risks his life for science.

110
00:08:44,471 --> 00:08:45,950
Hey hey!

111
00:08:46,099 --> 00:08:49,243
He is the only white man
to cover every acre.

112
00:08:49,253 --> 00:08:51,075
Hooray, hooray, hooray!

113
00:09:03,426 --> 00:09:06,901
He puts all his reliance
in courage and defiance

114
00:09:06,911 --> 00:09:08,583
and risks his life for science.

115
00:09:08,593 --> 00:09:10,042
Hey hey!

116
00:09:10,236 --> 00:09:13,397
Hooray for Captain Spalding,
the African explorer.

117
00:09:13,407 --> 00:09:16,755
He put his name on dying fame
and that is why we say:

118
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:22,129
Hooray, hooray, hooray.

119
00:09:22,456 --> 00:09:26,239
My friends, I'm highly gratified
of this magnificent display of effusion.

120
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,270
And I want you to know...

121
00:09:38,677 --> 00:09:42,459
My friends, I'm highly gratified
of this magnificent display of effusion

122
00:09:42,608 --> 00:09:43,457
And I want you to know that...

123
00:09:54,914 --> 00:09:58,666
My friends, I'm highly gratified
of this magnificent display of effusion.

124
00:09:58,829 --> 00:09:59,589
And I want you to know...

125
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:03,653
Hooray for Captain Spalding...
Well, somebody's got to do it.

126
00:10:03,817 --> 00:10:08,550
Captain Spalding, it is indeed a great honor
to welcome you to my poor home.

127
00:10:08,789 --> 00:10:10,218
Oh, it isn't so bad.

128
00:10:10,228 --> 00:10:11,718
- Needless to say, I...

129
00:10:10,999 --> 00:10:12,817
- Wait a minute, I think
you're right, it is pretty bad.

130
00:10:12,827 --> 00:10:15,825
As a matter of fact, it's one of the
frowziest-looking joints I've ever seen.

131
00:10:15,835 --> 00:10:16,480
Why Captain.

132
00:10:16,225 --> 00:10:17,620
Where did you get your wallpaper?

133
00:10:17,630 --> 00:10:18,381
Well, I...

134
00:10:17,934 --> 00:10:19,868
You're letting this place run down
and what's the result,

135
00:10:19,878 --> 00:10:21,868
you're not getting the class of people
that you used to.

136
00:10:21,878 --> 00:10:24,081
Why, you've got people here now
that look like you.

137
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,131
Now I'll tell you what we do,
we put up a sign outside,

138
00:10:26,141 --> 00:10:27,153
"Place Under New Management"

139
00:10:27,163 --> 00:10:30,003
We'd set up a 75¢ meal
that'd knock their eyes out.

140
00:10:30,013 --> 00:10:32,344
After we knock their eyes out,
we can charge 'em anything we want.

141
00:10:32,354 --> 00:10:35,407
Now, sign here and give me your
check for fifteen-hundred dollars.

142
00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:37,915
Now I wanna tell you, Madam,
that with this insurance policy

143
00:10:37,925 --> 00:10:40,777
you are providing for your little ones
and for your old age,

144
00:10:40,787 --> 00:10:44,276
which will be here in a couple of weeks now
if I am any judge of horse flesh.

145
00:10:44,286 --> 00:10:47,057
Now, Madam, I feel that the time
has come, the walrus said...

146
00:10:46,544 --> 00:10:47,825
Captain Spalding!

147
00:10:47,249 --> 00:10:48,182
To speak of ma...

148
00:10:48,192 --> 00:10:52,656
Captain Spalding, you stand before me
as one of the bravest men of all times.

149
00:10:52,666 --> 00:10:54,064
Alright, I'll do that.

150
00:10:54,411 --> 00:10:58,795
In the dark forests of Africa, there has
been no danger you have not dared.

151
00:10:58,805 --> 00:11:00,618
You mind if I don't smoke?

152
00:11:01,231 --> 00:11:03,873
Fearlessly
you have blazed new trails,

153
00:11:04,270 --> 00:11:07,893
scoffed at the lions' roar
and the cannibals' tom-tom.

154
00:11:07,903 --> 00:11:09,034
Says you.

155
00:11:09,457 --> 00:11:13,688
Never once in all those weary months
did your footsteps falter.

156
00:11:13,903 --> 00:11:18,831
Cowardice is unknown to you.
Fear is not in you.

157
00:11:19,013 --> 00:11:20,992
Pardon me, a caterpillar, Captain.

158
00:11:24,207 --> 00:11:27,111
The caterpillar must have
frightened him. Oh dear.

159
00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:30,933
Yes, well just don't stand there,
get the whiskey, get the whiskey!

160
00:11:30,943 --> 00:11:35,905
Where is the whiskey? - In my little
black bag, in the right-hand corner.

161
00:11:42,128 --> 00:11:44,979
Signor Emanuel Ravelli.

162
00:11:54,991 --> 00:11:57,970
- How do you do? - How are you?
- Where's the dining room?

163
00:11:57,980 --> 00:11:59,036
- This is a surprise.

164
00:11:59,046 --> 00:12:01,116
Say, I used to know a fella
who looked exactly like you

165
00:12:01,126 --> 00:12:03,529
by the name of Emanuel Ravelli.
Are you his brother?

166
00:12:03,539 --> 00:12:05,962
I am Emanuel Ravelli.
- You're Emanuel Ravelli?

167
00:12:05,972 --> 00:12:07,640
- I am Emanuel Ravelli.

168
00:12:07,650 --> 00:12:11,330
- Well, no wonder you look like him.
But I still insist there is a resemblance.

169
00:12:12,456 --> 00:12:14,409
- Eh, he thinks I look alike.

170
00:12:14,419 --> 00:12:16,859
- Well, if you do,
it's a tough break for both of you.

171
00:12:17,173 --> 00:12:20,584
You are one of the musicians?
But you were not due until tomorrow.

172
00:12:20,594 --> 00:12:22,642
- Couldn't come tomorrow, that's too quick.

173
00:12:23,136 --> 00:12:25,691
- You're lucky they didn't come yesterday.
- We were busy yesterday

174
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:27,695
but we charge just the same.

175
00:12:27,853 --> 00:12:29,439
This is better than exploring!

176
00:12:29,604 --> 00:12:31,117
What do you fellas get an hour?

177
00:12:31,127 --> 00:12:33,898
For playing, we get $10 an hour.
- I see.

178
00:12:33,908 --> 00:12:36,685
What do you get for not playing?
- $12 an hour.

179
00:12:36,695 --> 00:12:38,649
Well, clip me off a piece of that.

180
00:12:38,881 --> 00:12:43,123
Now, for rehearsing, we make special rate.
That's $15 an hour.

181
00:12:43,133 --> 00:12:44,622
For rehearsing?
- That's right for rehearsing.

182
00:12:44,632 --> 00:12:47,900
And what do you get for not rehearsing?
- You couldn't afford it.

183
00:12:48,806 --> 00:12:51,801
You see, if we don't rehearse, we don't play.

184
00:12:51,950 --> 00:12:55,328
And if we don't play,
that runs into money.

185
00:12:55,588 --> 00:12:58,183
How much would you want
to run into an open manhole?

186
00:12:58,431 --> 00:12:59,987
- Just a cover charge.

187
00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:03,997
Well, drop in some time.

188
00:13:04,163 --> 00:13:05,197
- Sewer.

189
00:13:05,537 --> 00:13:07,729
Well, we cleaned that up pretty well.

190
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,765
- Well, let's see how we stand.

191
00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:10,816
Flat-footed.

192
00:13:11,764 --> 00:13:15,322
Yesterday we didn't come. You remember?
Yesterday we didn't come?

193
00:13:14,462 --> 00:13:15,620
Oh, I remember.

194
00:13:15,332 --> 00:13:17,133
Yeah, that's $300.

195
00:13:17,143 --> 00:13:18,986
Yesterday you didn't come.
That's $300?

196
00:13:18,996 --> 00:13:20,052
- That's $300

197
00:13:20,062 --> 00:13:22,128
Well, that's reasonable.
I can see that alright.

198
00:13:22,138 --> 00:13:25,104
Now, today we did come. That's uh...

199
00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:25,963
That's a hundred you owe us.

200
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,297
Hey, I bet I'm gonna lose on the deal.

201
00:13:28,694 --> 00:13:32,123
Tomorrow we leave. That's worth about...
- A million dollars.

202
00:13:32,133 --> 00:13:35,314
Yeah, that's alright for me,
but I got a partner.

203
00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:38,239
The Professor.

204
00:13:58,116 --> 00:14:00,880
The gates swung open
and a Fig Newton entered.

205
00:14:01,128 --> 00:14:02,458
How do you do?

206
00:14:03,749 --> 00:14:05,189
Goodness.

207
00:14:18,872 --> 00:14:21,189
You haven't got chocolate, have you?

208
00:14:23,473 --> 00:14:28,008
He's got everything. - Hives,
take the Professor's hat and coat.

209
00:14:28,018 --> 00:14:29,820
And send for the fumigators.

210
00:14:36,188 --> 00:14:37,530
Say, don't you see there are ladies present?

211
00:14:37,540 --> 00:14:39,846
What do you think this is, a...
Put that hat down, will you.

212
00:14:39,856 --> 00:14:42,740
What are you doing here?
Get out of here. Go on.

213
00:15:51,148 --> 00:15:53,482
A little more to the right.

214
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,610
That's better.

215
00:16:05,167 --> 00:16:07,742
Now, see that the drape is well-hung.

216
00:16:07,752 --> 00:16:10,172
The mistress will inspect it
before the unveiling.

217
00:16:10,182 --> 00:16:11,695
Hello, Hives.

218
00:16:11,894 --> 00:16:13,539
- Mrs. Whitehead!

219
00:16:13,549 --> 00:16:16,871
This is a surprise.
- And how about me? - Miss Grace!

220
00:16:16,881 --> 00:16:20,722
You've grown so in the last year.
- You haven't lost any weight, yourself.

221
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,790
No, unfortunately not.

222
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:26,376
You know, Hives, it seems strange
to find you working here

223
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,773
instead of in our own home.

224
00:16:27,783 --> 00:16:29,582
Well, after you left for Europe,

225
00:16:29,592 --> 00:16:32,154
Mrs. Rittenhouse was good enough
to make me an offer.

226
00:16:32,164 --> 00:16:35,496
Lovely. By the way, Hives,

227
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,590
what's the secret about the painting?

228
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,585
No secret.
It's Beaugard's "After the Hunt".

229
00:16:40,595 --> 00:16:43,812
The original?
- Most original.

230
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:45,815
Be careful.

231
00:16:45,825 --> 00:16:48,248
Where did she get hold of that,
do you suppose?

232
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:51,866
Is it very valuable?
- Is it, it must be worth a fortune.

233
00:16:52,048 --> 00:16:56,230
With this, it looks as if we'd steal the Social
Award of the Season to Mrs. Rittenhouse.

234
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,746
Well, isn't there something we can do?
- We might shoot ourselves.

235
00:16:59,756 --> 00:17:02,256
I'd rather shoot Mrs. Rittenhouse.

236
00:17:02,524 --> 00:17:07,484
Say, I have an idea. I copied that painting
at art school a year ago.

237
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,660
Well, what of it?

238
00:17:12,311 --> 00:17:14,203
But I still don't get it.

239
00:17:14,705 --> 00:17:18,422
I'll go home and get the copy.
We'll substitute it for the original

240
00:17:18,432 --> 00:17:22,083
and when she unveils it,
what'll she have? An imitation,

241
00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:24,309
and I must admit, a very cruel one.

242
00:17:24,319 --> 00:17:27,925
Grace, you're wonderful.
- That's what I've been telling you.

243
00:17:28,310 --> 00:17:32,812
I won't be long.
- Alright. See you later.

244
00:17:35,775 --> 00:17:38,017
Oh, Hives?

245
00:17:38,871 --> 00:17:43,701
Do you still feel a bond between us?
- Most certainly, Mrs. Whitehead.

246
00:17:43,852 --> 00:17:47,182
Strong enough for you to do me
a big favor? - Anything at all.

247
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,220
Well..

248
00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:51,952
suppose I were to ask you to
take away the Beaugard...

249
00:17:51,962 --> 00:17:54,300
What, do you mean...
- Oh, just temporarily, of course.

250
00:17:54,310 --> 00:17:57,097
And substitute something of my own?

251
00:17:57,107 --> 00:18:00,124
- Well, I should consider it
rather an unusual request.

252
00:18:00,134 --> 00:18:04,538
It is, Hives, but somehow I still think
of you as one of the Whiteheads.

253
00:18:06,329 --> 00:18:10,346
You may count on me.
My soul is yours,

254
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:14,329
even though my body
may belong to Mrs. Rittenhouse.

255
00:18:14,339 --> 00:18:16,336
Why, Hives!

256
00:18:17,965 --> 00:18:20,760
Oh, Mrs. Whitehead!
- Arabella!

257
00:18:21,312 --> 00:18:25,262
May I present Mr. Parker?
- Of the Massachusetts' Parkers?

258
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:28,429
Why, no.
- Then the Southern Parkers?

259
00:18:28,439 --> 00:18:33,835
No, the Central Parkers.
You know, the Benches and Trees.

260
00:18:33,845 --> 00:18:35,977
I see.

261
00:18:36,228 --> 00:18:38,250
Meow!

262
00:18:38,504 --> 00:18:40,998
Oh, I don't like that woman.

263
00:18:41,008 --> 00:18:44,573
Well, never mind. You come over here and
sit down and tell me whom you do like.

264
00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:48,393
Oh, so that's your game.
- Now listen.

265
00:18:49,180 --> 00:18:50,954
Do you really love me?

266
00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:54,806
- Why don't you marry me and find out?
- Marry you?

267
00:18:55,073 --> 00:19:00,285
On what? Last year I sold two paintings.
One at a hundred and one at fifty.

268
00:19:00,435 --> 00:19:05,249
Could we live on $150 a year?
- We wouldn't need any money.

269
00:19:05,516 --> 00:19:09,767
I've got a charge account
in every shop on 5th Avenue.

270
00:19:10,403 --> 00:19:15,752
Well, if I had any brains, I'd give up
painting and get a regular job.

271
00:19:15,919 --> 00:19:19,657
You know, I had a cousin who made
$50,000 in Wall Street last year.

272
00:19:19,808 --> 00:19:25,086
I don't wanna marry your cousin.
I'm a darn fool. I wanna marry you.

273
00:19:25,756 --> 00:19:26,894
Say...

274
00:19:27,429 --> 00:19:30,916
we could get that old bluff Chandler
to buy a portrait from you.

275
00:19:30,926 --> 00:19:34,046
Chandler?
What does he know about art?

276
00:19:34,056 --> 00:19:38,079
Well, the less he knows,
the easier it'll be for you to sell 'em.

277
00:19:38,230 --> 00:19:42,772
They're right upstairs. You can't
miss them. Go round the other side.

278
00:19:45,065 --> 00:19:46,772
Mrs. Rittenhouse.

279
00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:52,693
Captain Spalding!
How are you?

280
00:19:53,419 --> 00:19:55,110
Tell me.

281
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,733
Are you alone?

282
00:19:56,951 --> 00:19:59,059
- Captain, I don't understand.

283
00:19:59,227 --> 00:20:00,857
What, you don't understand being alone?

284
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,685
Don't give me that innocent stuff
or you'll be alone.

285
00:20:03,695 --> 00:20:06,865
A big cluck like you
turning cute on me!

286
00:20:09,490 --> 00:20:11,834
Mrs. Rittenhouse...
- Yes?

287
00:20:12,051 --> 00:20:14,294
Oh, pardon me.

288
00:20:14,304 --> 00:20:16,687
You've been affected like this yourself,
haven't you at times?

289
00:20:16,838 --> 00:20:18,549
Oh no, Captain.

290
00:20:18,867 --> 00:20:20,039
- Well, you will be.

291
00:20:20,049 --> 00:20:21,947
Mrs. Rittenhouse...

292
00:20:22,214 --> 00:20:23,930
Ever since I've met you,

293
00:20:24,147 --> 00:20:25,821
I've swept you off my feet.

294
00:20:25,831 --> 00:20:27,567
Something has been throbbing within me.

295
00:20:27,717 --> 00:20:31,433
Oh it's been beating like the incessant
tom-tom in the primitive jungle.

296
00:20:31,583 --> 00:20:35,145
Something that I must ask you.
- What is it, Captain?

297
00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:39,785
Would you wash out a pair of socks for me?
- Captain, I'm surprised.

298
00:20:39,795 --> 00:20:42,676
Well it may be a surprise to you
but it's been on my mind for weeks.

299
00:20:42,686 --> 00:20:45,688
It's just my way of telling you
that I love you, that's all. I love you.

300
00:20:45,698 --> 00:20:48,837
- Captain, Mrs. Whitehead!
- I've never been...

301
00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:51,407
I beg your pardon. Am I intruding?

302
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:55,447
Are you intruding?
Just when I had her on the 5-yard line.

303
00:20:55,614 --> 00:20:59,514
I should say you were intruding.
I should say you are intruding, pardon me.

304
00:20:59,708 --> 00:21:02,243
I was using the subjunctive
instead of the past tense.

305
00:21:02,618 --> 00:21:05,362
Yes, we're way past tents,
we're living in bungalows now.

306
00:21:05,372 --> 00:21:07,337
This is the mechanical age, of course.

307
00:21:07,499 --> 00:21:10,858
Mrs. Whitehead, you haven't met
Captain Spalding, have you?

308
00:21:10,868 --> 00:21:12,419
Why, no, I haven't

309
00:21:12,429 --> 00:21:16,570
How are you? - How are you?
- I'm fine, thank you. And how are you?

310
00:21:16,580 --> 00:21:20,362
And how are you?
That leaves you one up.

311
00:21:20,790 --> 00:21:25,071
Did anyone ever tell you
you had beautiful eyes? - No

312
00:21:25,081 --> 00:21:28,163
Well, you have.
And so have you.

313
00:21:28,373 --> 00:21:30,529
He shot her a glance.

314
00:21:30,955 --> 00:21:33,989
As a smile played around his lips.

315
00:21:34,823 --> 00:21:38,060
Yes, I don't think I've never seen
four more beautiful eyes in my life.

316
00:21:38,289 --> 00:21:39,807
Well, three anyway.

317
00:21:39,997 --> 00:21:43,386
You know, You two girls have everything.
You're tall and short, and slim and stout

318
00:21:43,396 --> 00:21:44,778
and blonde and brunette.

319
00:21:44,788 --> 00:21:49,611
And that's just the kind of a girl I crave.
We three would make an ideal couple.

320
00:21:49,621 --> 00:21:53,027
Why, you've got beauty, charm, money.
You have got money, haven't you?

321
00:21:53,037 --> 00:21:55,402
Because if you haven't,
we can quit right now.

322
00:21:55,412 --> 00:21:59,068
The Captain is charming, isn't he?
- I'm fascinated.

323
00:21:59,078 --> 00:22:02,243
I'm fascinated, too--right on the arm.

324
00:22:02,536 --> 00:22:04,924
Fascinated, whim-wham!

325
00:22:05,161 --> 00:22:08,710
If I were Eugene O'Neill, I could tell
you what I really think of you two.

326
00:22:08,952 --> 00:22:12,151
You know, you're very fortunate
the Theater Guild isn't putting this on.

327
00:22:12,161 --> 00:22:14,163
And so is the Guild.

328
00:22:16,327 --> 00:22:19,858
Pardon me
while I have a strange interlude.

329
00:22:20,577 --> 00:22:25,437
Why you couple of baboons, what makes
you think I'd marry either one of you?

330
00:22:25,743 --> 00:22:28,026
Strange how the wind blows tonight.

331
00:22:28,285 --> 00:22:31,540
It has a thin eery voice.
Reminds me of poor old Marsden.

332
00:22:31,701 --> 00:22:34,441
How happy I could be
with either of these two,

333
00:22:34,451 --> 00:22:36,693
if both of them just went away.

334
00:22:38,283 --> 00:22:41,273
Well, what do you say, girls,
will you marry me?

335
00:22:41,283 --> 00:22:42,993
But Captain, which one of us?

336
00:22:43,003 --> 00:22:46,022
- Both of you. Let's all get married.
This is my party.

337
00:22:46,283 --> 00:22:48,791
Party... Party...

338
00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:51,728
Here I am talking of parties.

339
00:22:51,945 --> 00:22:54,255
I came down here for a party.
What happens?

340
00:22:54,449 --> 00:22:55,672
Nothing.

341
00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:57,868
Not even ice cream.

342
00:22:58,133 --> 00:23:00,512
The gods look down and laugh.

343
00:23:00,823 --> 00:23:05,149
This would be a better world for children
if the parents had to eat the spinach.

344
00:23:06,421 --> 00:23:07,994
Well what do you say, girls?

345
00:23:08,198 --> 00:23:10,464
What do you say,
are we all gonna get married?

346
00:23:10,474 --> 00:23:12,282
- All of us?
- All of us.

347
00:23:12,292 --> 00:23:15,403
But that's bigamy.
- Yes, and that's big of me, too.

348
00:23:15,553 --> 00:23:17,896
It's big of all of us.
Let's be big for a change.

349
00:23:18,047 --> 00:23:20,170
I'm sick of these conventional marriages.

350
00:23:20,180 --> 00:23:22,329
One woman and one man was
good enough for your grandmother,

351
00:23:22,339 --> 00:23:26,403
but who wants to marry your grandmother?
Nobody. Not even your grandfather.

352
00:23:26,413 --> 00:23:30,681
Think of the honeymoon--strictly private:
I wouldn't let another woman in on this.

353
00:23:30,691 --> 00:23:34,274
Well, maybe one or two,
but no men. I may not go myself.

354
00:23:34,458 --> 00:23:37,102
Are you suggesting
Companionate Marriage?

355
00:23:37,253 --> 00:23:38,490
Well, It's got its advantages.

356
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:42,172
You could live with your folks and
I could live with your folks.

357
00:23:42,557 --> 00:23:43,845
And you,

358
00:23:44,029 --> 00:23:46,042
you could sell Fuller brushes.

359
00:23:46,612 --> 00:23:48,270
Living with your folks...

360
00:23:48,778 --> 00:23:51,419
Living with your folks,
the beginning of the end--

361
00:23:51,653 --> 00:23:54,750
drab dead yesterdays shutting out
beautiful tomorrows--

362
00:23:55,001 --> 00:23:59,331
hideous stumbling footsteps--creaking
along the misty corridors of time,

363
00:23:59,532 --> 00:24:04,100
and in those corridors I see figures.
Strange figures.

364
00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:06,105
Weird figures:

365
00:24:06,115 --> 00:24:09,112
Steel 186, Anaconda 74,

366
00:24:09,122 --> 00:24:11,883
American Can 138.

367
00:24:13,557 --> 00:24:17,130
Let's see where were we?
Oh yes, we were about to get married.

368
00:24:17,140 --> 00:24:19,816
Well, what do you think?
Do you think we really ought to get married?

369
00:24:19,826 --> 00:24:22,762
- I think marriage
is a very noble institution.

370
00:24:25,597 --> 00:24:29,848
It's the foundation of the American home.
- Yes, but the trouble is you can't enforce it.

371
00:24:30,016 --> 00:24:33,561
It was put over on the American people
while our boys were over there

372
00:24:34,159 --> 00:24:36,469
and all our girls were over here.

373
00:24:37,566 --> 00:24:41,165
I've been waiting at the bottom these stairs
for years for just such a moment as this.

374
00:24:41,349 --> 00:24:44,464
Why Captain, where are you going?
- I'm sorry, ladies,

375
00:24:45,085 --> 00:24:48,416
but I'm afraid we're gonna have to
postpone the wedding for a few days.

376
00:24:48,583 --> 00:24:50,140
Maybe for a few years.

377
00:24:50,357 --> 00:24:53,841
Before I get married, I'm gonna
sow a couple of wild oats.

378
00:24:55,213 --> 00:24:58,297
The Captain's so amusing.
- Isn't he charming?

379
00:24:58,849 --> 00:25:02,539
So that's the famous Beaugard, eh?
It's a great picture, isn't it?

380
00:25:02,723 --> 00:25:07,454
Oh you've seen it before?
- Seen it, I spent 3 days in Paris copying it.

381
00:25:07,464 --> 00:25:11,136
You did?
- Well, me and a million other young artists.

382
00:25:12,575 --> 00:25:16,709
I bet your copy was better than any of them.
- Well, it wasn't bad at that.

383
00:25:17,445 --> 00:25:19,697
I'll show it to you sometime.

384
00:25:20,618 --> 00:25:22,459
- Listen.
- What?

385
00:25:22,693 --> 00:25:24,584
- Mother's going to unveil it tonight.

386
00:25:24,752 --> 00:25:25,973
Yeah?

387
00:25:26,271 --> 00:25:27,794
Suppose...

388
00:25:28,346 --> 00:25:31,710
Suppose when she unveils it,
it's not the Beaugard at all.

389
00:25:31,894 --> 00:25:33,653
Suppose it's yours.

390
00:25:33,870 --> 00:25:36,715
- You mean, put my copy in place
of the Beaugard? - Exactly.

391
00:25:36,725 --> 00:25:39,266
- Why Arabella, you're crazy.
What good would that do?

392
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,353
What good? Listen.

393
00:25:42,587 --> 00:25:46,382
They'll unveil it. Chandler
will tell everybody how fine it is.

394
00:25:46,392 --> 00:25:51,118
They'll all cheer their heads off, and then
we'll tell 'em who really painted it.

395
00:25:51,128 --> 00:25:54,892
They'll say you're a great artist.
You'll get 6 commissions for painting,

396
00:25:54,902 --> 00:25:58,295
and we can be married and
divorced in no time.

397
00:25:58,479 --> 00:26:03,233
Well, that sounds great. But what if
they don't like my painting? What then?

398
00:26:03,768 --> 00:26:06,228
Well, isn't the chance worth taking?

399
00:26:10,563 --> 00:26:14,603
I see you're admiring my picture, eh?
- Yes, yes.

400
00:26:14,613 --> 00:26:18,924
Your picture? - Yes, my picture.
- Well, it don't look like you.

401
00:26:19,410 --> 00:26:23,624
Hey wait, some place I met you before.
because your face is very familiar.

402
00:26:23,634 --> 00:26:27,057
Well, after all, I am one of the most
well-known men in America.

403
00:26:27,067 --> 00:26:30,119
The newspapers will
keep running my photograph.

404
00:26:30,129 --> 00:26:33,863
You're not Abe Kabibble?
- Nonsense

405
00:26:36,412 --> 00:26:39,509
Alright, hey wait, if you're not
Abe Kabibble, who are you?

406
00:26:39,519 --> 00:26:42,769
Now please, Chandler is my name.
Roscoe W. Chandler.

407
00:26:42,779 --> 00:26:46,199
Yeah, but I don't get about the name,
you see. Some place I met you before

408
00:26:46,209 --> 00:26:47,879
because your face is very familiar.

409
00:26:47,889 --> 00:26:51,366
Now wait, let me see, were you
ever in Sing Sing? - Please.

410
00:26:51,376 --> 00:26:55,345
No I got it. Joliet!
- Let me alone.

411
00:26:55,693 --> 00:26:57,688
Alright, alright.
Don't run away, don't run away

412
00:26:57,698 --> 00:26:58,515
Leavenworth!

413
00:26:58,525 --> 00:27:01,026
Now, listen here. I have
never been in these places.

414
00:27:01,036 --> 00:27:03,571
I've spent most of my time in Europe.
- Europe.

415
00:27:03,821 --> 00:27:08,465
I've got it now. I know,
you come from Czechoslovakia.

416
00:27:08,475 --> 00:27:10,935
You are wrong, I tell you.
I have never been there.

417
00:27:10,945 --> 00:27:12,688
- Hey, come here.

418
00:27:12,698 --> 00:27:15,567
- I tell you this...Please!
Get him away from me, would you.

419
00:27:15,577 --> 00:27:18,550
You remember him. Who was he?
He come from Czechoslovakia.

420
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,140
You are wrong, I tell you.
I told you before, you are mistaken.

421
00:27:21,150 --> 00:27:24,419
He come from Czechoslovakia.
And I know who it is.

422
00:27:24,888 --> 00:27:27,053
That's Abie, the fish peddler
from Czechoslovakia.

423
00:27:27,063 --> 00:27:29,167
- Ridiculous, I tell you. You're wrong!

424
00:27:29,177 --> 00:27:32,900
Wait, wait, wait. We prove it.
He had a birthmark, remember?

425
00:27:32,910 --> 00:27:35,389
Please, what are you trying?
Let me alone!

426
00:27:40,427 --> 00:27:45,020
There it is! There's the birthmark!
Abie, the fishman.

427
00:27:45,030 --> 00:27:47,549
I confess. I was Abie, the peddler.

428
00:27:47,559 --> 00:27:50,081
Well, how did you get to be
Roscoe W. Chandler?

429
00:27:50,091 --> 00:27:51,956
- Say, how did you get to be an Italian?

430
00:27:51,966 --> 00:27:53,960
Never mind. Whose confession is this?

431
00:27:54,112 --> 00:27:56,906
Well now, here, boys, for heaven's sake
don't say anything about this to anybody

432
00:27:56,916 --> 00:27:58,564
and I think we can come to some agreement.

433
00:27:58,574 --> 00:28:01,846
Some arrangement which will be,
uh, mutually satisfactory, yes?

434
00:28:01,856 --> 00:28:05,640
Money. Money.
- Shall we say $500?

435
00:28:05,650 --> 00:28:08,680
Fie to $500!
- Well, that is all the cash I have with me.

436
00:28:08,690 --> 00:28:12,911
$500? Well alright, I tell you what we do.
We'll take your IOU.

437
00:28:12,921 --> 00:28:15,925
I have given you my best offer
and that is all you will get.

438
00:28:15,935 --> 00:28:17,497
- That's all you'll give, eh?

439
00:28:17,507 --> 00:28:22,436
Abie the fishman!
Abie the fishman!

440
00:28:24,346 --> 00:28:26,455
Please, be quiet.

441
00:28:26,465 --> 00:28:30,569
Please, come here. Now listen here,
I have here a check for $5,000.

442
00:28:30,579 --> 00:28:33,169
Now I give it to you
- Hey, is it good?

443
00:28:33,179 --> 00:28:36,080
- Well of course it is good.
Who would give me a bad check?

444
00:28:36,090 --> 00:28:39,446
I would. See if it's good.

445
00:28:44,466 --> 00:28:47,252
Alright, if you don't want the check
then that is all you will get.

446
00:28:47,262 --> 00:28:48,772
- That's all we get?
- Yes.

447
00:28:48,782 --> 00:28:55,105
- He's Abie the fishman!

448
00:28:50,943 --> 00:28:54,141
- Please be quiet, please!

449
00:28:58,415 --> 00:29:00,738
Here, give me that handkerchief.

450
00:29:01,209 --> 00:29:03,710
My tie! Where's my tie?

451
00:29:04,578 --> 00:29:07,406
Nothing but a pair of thieves.

452
00:29:08,146 --> 00:29:10,688
I get the tie. What you got?

453
00:29:11,125 --> 00:29:12,582
The birthmark!

454
00:29:16,832 --> 00:29:19,819
Hey, hey, where's your tie?
- Well, I...

455
00:29:19,829 --> 00:29:22,842
That's a fine way for a millionaire to be
running around, open at the neck.

456
00:29:23,011 --> 00:29:25,915
Have you got garters?
- Of course I have garters. Here.

457
00:29:25,925 --> 00:29:27,884
Oh, they've taken my garters too.

458
00:29:27,894 --> 00:29:30,207
A likely story.
Turning collegian on me, eh?

459
00:29:30,217 --> 00:29:32,821
Have you got socks?
- Certainly. Here they are.

460
00:29:32,831 --> 00:29:36,620
- So you have, you have got socks. They
look pretty old to me too. Whose are they?

461
00:29:36,863 --> 00:29:39,355
Well, old socks.
Let me introduce myself.

462
00:29:39,365 --> 00:29:42,704
My name is Spalding, Captain Spalding.
- I am Roscoe W. Chandler.

463
00:29:42,714 --> 00:29:44,866
- Well, this is a treat, your treat.

464
00:29:45,103 --> 00:29:47,201
You have heard about me?

465
00:29:47,211 --> 00:29:49,743
Yes, I've heard about you for a
great many years, Mr Chandler,

466
00:29:49,753 --> 00:29:51,893
and I'm getting pretty darn sick of it too.

467
00:29:52,923 --> 00:29:55,997
Quite naturally, I've also heard
of the great Captain Spalding.

468
00:29:56,007 --> 00:29:58,226
Well, that's fine. I've heard of you
and you've heard of me.

469
00:29:58,236 --> 00:30:01,908
Now, have you ever heard the one
about the two Irishmen? - Oh yes.

470
00:30:04,010 --> 00:30:06,315
Well, now that I've got you in hysterics,
let's get down to business.

471
00:30:06,325 --> 00:30:09,705
My name is Spalding, Captain Spalding.
- I am Roscoe W. Chandler.

472
00:30:09,715 --> 00:30:13,030
- I am Jeffrey T. Spalding. I'll bet you
don't know what the "T" stand for.

473
00:30:14,081 --> 00:30:17,623
Thomas?
- Edgar. You were close, though.

474
00:30:17,776 --> 00:30:19,393
You were close though
and you still are, I'll bet.

475
00:30:19,403 --> 00:30:21,688
Now, this is what I want to
talk to you about, Mr Chandler:

476
00:30:21,698 --> 00:30:25,912
How would you like to finance a scientific
expedition? - Well, that is a question.

477
00:30:25,922 --> 00:30:28,280
Yes, that is a question, you certainly
know a question when you see it.

478
00:30:28,290 --> 00:30:29,999
I congratulate you, Mr Chandler.

479
00:30:30,009 --> 00:30:31,955
And that brings us
right back to where we were.

480
00:30:31,965 --> 00:30:34,471
How would you like to finance
a scientific expedition?

481
00:30:34,481 --> 00:30:37,581
Well, is there any particular kind
of an expedition you've had in mind?

482
00:30:37,591 --> 00:30:39,483
Well, I'll tell you, I'm getting
along in years now

483
00:30:39,493 --> 00:30:42,384
and there's one thing that I've always
wanted to do before I quit. - What is that?

484
00:30:42,394 --> 00:30:43,383
Retire.

485
00:30:43,393 --> 00:30:45,796
Now, would you be interested
in a proposition of that kind?

486
00:30:45,806 --> 00:30:48,023
You know, I've always had
an idea that my retirement

487
00:30:48,033 --> 00:30:51,030
would be the greatest contribution to
science that the world has ever known.

488
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:54,276
This is your chance, Mr Chandler. When I
think what you have done for this country.

489
00:30:54,286 --> 00:30:56,739
And by the way, what have you done
for this country? - Oh well...

490
00:30:56,749 --> 00:31:00,503
I've always tried to do what I could.
Especially in the world of art.

491
00:31:00,513 --> 00:31:04,136
Art, well I don't know how we drifted around
to that, but what is your opinion of art?

492
00:31:04,146 --> 00:31:07,614
I am very glad you asked me.
- I withdraw the question.

493
00:31:07,624 --> 00:31:10,926
This fella takes things seriously.
It isn't safe to ask him a simple question.

494
00:31:11,096 --> 00:31:13,875
Tell me, Mr Chandler, where are you
planning on putting your new opera house?

495
00:31:13,885 --> 00:31:16,384
Oh, I thought I should like to put it
somewhere near Central Park.

496
00:31:16,394 --> 00:31:19,179
I see. Why don't you put it right in
Central Park? - Could we do that?

497
00:31:19,189 --> 00:31:21,135
Sure, do it at night,
when no one is looking.

498
00:31:21,145 --> 00:31:23,195
Why don't you put it in the reservoir
and get the whole thing over with?

499
00:31:23,205 --> 00:31:25,483
Of course, that might interfere
with the water supply.

500
00:31:25,493 --> 00:31:27,630
But after all, we must
remember that art is art.

501
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:29,802
Though on the other hand,
water is water, isn't it.

502
00:31:29,812 --> 00:31:31,741
And east is east,
and west is west.

503
00:31:31,751 --> 00:31:34,152
And if you take cranberries
and stew them like applesauce,

504
00:31:34,162 --> 00:31:36,871
it tastes much more like prunes
than rhubarb does.

505
00:31:36,881 --> 00:31:37,995
Now, uh...

506
00:31:38,199 --> 00:31:39,782
Now, you tell me what you know.

507
00:31:39,792 --> 00:31:42,890
WelI, i-i-I would be very glad
to give you my opinion.

508
00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:44,846
Well, that's dandy,
I'll ask you for them someday.

509
00:31:44,856 --> 00:31:46,344
Remind me, will you?
I'll tell you what,

510
00:31:46,354 --> 00:31:48,802
Could you come to my office at
ten o'clock tomorrow morning?

511
00:31:48,812 --> 00:31:51,227
If I'm not there, ask for Mr Jameson,
that's my secretary.

512
00:31:51,237 --> 00:31:52,946
And if he sees you, I'll discharge him.

513
00:31:52,956 --> 00:31:55,755
That's a date now, Saturday at three.
No, you'd better make it Tuesday.

514
00:31:55,765 --> 00:31:58,074
I'm going to Europe Monday.
Pardon me, My name is Spalding

515
00:31:58,084 --> 00:32:00,107
Heck, I've always wanted to
meet you, Mr Chandler.

516
00:32:00,117 --> 00:32:01,657
Tell me, what do you think
of the traffic problems?

517
00:32:01,667 --> 00:32:03,308
What do you think of the
marriage problems?

518
00:32:03,318 --> 00:32:05,938
What do you think of at night,
when you go to bed, you beast?

519
00:32:06,682 --> 00:32:07,831
- Well, I'll tell you my...

520
00:32:07,841 --> 00:32:11,255
- I'd rather not discuss it any further.
Remember, there are children present.

521
00:32:11,424 --> 00:32:16,049
Well, you see, my dear Captain, in the
last analysis, it is a question of money.

522
00:32:16,059 --> 00:32:19,310
The nickel today is not what
it used to be ten years ago.

523
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,359
I'll go further than that.
I'll get off at the depot.

524
00:32:21,369 --> 00:32:23,478
The nickel today is not
what it was 15 years ago.

525
00:32:23,488 --> 00:32:25,054
You know what this country needs today?
- What?

526
00:32:25,207 --> 00:32:26,508
- A seven-cent nickel.

527
00:32:26,948 --> 00:32:30,605
Yessiree, we've been using the
five-cen'nick on this country since 1492.

528
00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:32,866
Now, that's putting you near
a hundred years, daylight savings.

529
00:32:32,876 --> 00:32:34,478
Now, why not give the
seven-cent nickel a chance.

530
00:32:34,488 --> 00:32:36,376
If that works out, next year we could
have an eight-cent nickel.

531
00:32:36,386 --> 00:32:37,597
Think what that would mean.

532
00:32:37,607 --> 00:32:39,510
You could go to a news stand,
buy a three-cent newspaper

533
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,077
and get the same nickel back again.

534
00:32:41,087 --> 00:32:44,226
One nickel carefully used
would last a family a lifetime.

535
00:32:44,236 --> 00:32:48,312
Captain Spalding, I think that is a
wonderful idea. - You do, eh? - Yes.

536
00:32:48,322 --> 00:32:51,169
Well, then there can't be much to it.
Forget about it.

537
00:32:52,059 --> 00:32:56,405
Well, tell me, Captain Chandler...
Excuse me, Spalding.

538
00:32:56,415 --> 00:32:59,500
- Spalding, that's right.
I'm Spalding and you're Chandler.

539
00:32:59,788 --> 00:33:01,202
Let's have no more of that either, eh.

540
00:33:01,212 --> 00:33:04,727
Alright. - Bad enough being Spalding.
- Well, tell me, Captain Spalding...

541
00:33:05,032 --> 00:33:07,360
Spalding is the right name?
- That's right, that's right.

542
00:33:07,370 --> 00:33:09,728
I'm Chand...
No, I'm Spald...

543
00:33:10,287 --> 00:33:11,976
Could I look at a program in a minute?

544
00:33:11,986 --> 00:33:15,620
I might be the news weekly for all
he knows, or coming next week.

545
00:33:15,630 --> 00:33:18,405
Well, tell me, Captain Spalding,
you've been quite a traveler.

546
00:33:18,567 --> 00:33:21,432
What do you think about South America?
I'm going there soon, you know.

547
00:33:21,442 --> 00:33:23,499
Is that so? Where are you going?
- Uruguay.

548
00:33:23,509 --> 00:33:25,602
Well, you go your-a-guay,
and I'll go mine.

549
00:33:25,612 --> 00:33:28,202
Say, how long has this been going on?
Let's change the subject.

550
00:33:28,361 --> 00:33:30,632
Take the foreign situation.
Take Abyssinia.

551
00:33:30,642 --> 00:33:34,688
I'll tell you, you take Abyssinia and I'll take
a hot butterscotch sundae on rye bread.

552
00:33:34,698 --> 00:33:38,372
Let's go and see what the boys
in the back room are up to.

553
00:33:45,992 --> 00:33:49,390
Let's see how yours compares
with the original. - Alright.

554
00:33:52,805 --> 00:33:56,703
I don't see any difference! - Well, look
closer. Maybe you'll find it's better.

555
00:34:05,932 --> 00:34:08,170
You seen my partner?
- No

556
00:34:17,381 --> 00:34:19,727
Oh, Mr. Raviola!

557
00:34:19,737 --> 00:34:23,231
Ravelli. Ravelli.
- Oh, Mr. Ravelli.

558
00:34:23,241 --> 00:34:25,407
I want you to do something for me.

559
00:34:25,417 --> 00:34:28,491
I'd do anything for you.
What do ya want I should do?

560
00:34:28,660 --> 00:34:31,843
You see that painting?
- You mean this piksh?

561
00:34:31,853 --> 00:34:36,073
I want you to take that out of the frame
and put this one in its place.

562
00:34:36,327 --> 00:34:40,791
You want I should take this one down
put this one upstairs, huh? - Yes.

563
00:34:41,283 --> 00:34:46,365
You want I should steal?
- Oh no, no, It's not stealing.

564
00:34:46,375 --> 00:34:50,140
Well, then I couldn't do it.
- Oh, Mr. Raviola!

565
00:35:01,041 --> 00:35:03,811
Hey, get up. Come here.

566
00:35:03,821 --> 00:35:08,227
That's all you do.
Chase the women. Oh, stop.

567
00:35:08,379 --> 00:35:10,895
Everybody here plays cards,
they don't ask us.

568
00:35:10,905 --> 00:35:13,975
Here we are to waste all our time.
We've been here all day, eh.

569
00:35:15,336 --> 00:35:18,031
How much we make? We make nothing.

570
00:35:18,041 --> 00:35:21,844
First thing you know, we're gonna live on a
charity then we go to the old ladies' home.

571
00:35:22,132 --> 00:35:26,673
How do you like that?
No, that's no good.

572
00:35:27,655 --> 00:35:32,257
These people here all got money. Now, we
gotta find someone to play with us, see.

573
00:35:32,267 --> 00:35:35,360
I'd play anything. Poker, pinochle...
- Signor Ravelli,

574
00:35:35,370 --> 00:35:40,028
I want to talk to you about the music.
What in the world's the matter with you?

575
00:35:40,038 --> 00:35:42,960
It would be nice if...
Go away from me!

576
00:35:42,970 --> 00:35:45,709
What is this?
- It's alright, just a...

577
00:35:46,149 --> 00:35:49,893
Hello, Professor. Good heavens,
what's the matter with his feet?

578
00:35:49,903 --> 00:35:53,728
We play all kinds of games.
Blackjack, soccer...

579
00:36:02,423 --> 00:36:05,101
What is the matter with your leg?

580
00:36:14,104 --> 00:36:17,359
One, two, three.

581
00:36:17,369 --> 00:36:19,291
Atta boy. Get up, buddy.

582
00:36:39,017 --> 00:36:41,187
Yeah, she can't take it there.

583
00:36:52,149 --> 00:36:55,387
Well, why don't you leave him alone?

584
00:36:57,810 --> 00:37:02,436
Now that this game is over, how about
playing some bridge? You play bridge?

585
00:37:02,446 --> 00:37:04,719
- I play bridge a little.
- What do you play for?

586
00:37:04,729 --> 00:37:08,902
Oh we just play for small stakes.
- And french-fried potatoes?

587
00:37:09,783 --> 00:37:13,160
Set it up right over there, Hives.
- Very good, madam.

588
00:37:17,404 --> 00:37:20,420
Chandler, now where is he off to?
Look at this.

589
00:37:29,265 --> 00:37:32,205
Take it away, Hives.
- Extraordinary.

590
00:37:32,215 --> 00:37:36,786
How do you want to play? Honest?
- I hope so.

591
00:37:36,990 --> 00:37:39,291
You put that right away.

592
00:37:40,202 --> 00:37:42,253
It's your own fault.

593
00:37:43,935 --> 00:37:45,596
Come along now,
we'll cut for partners.

594
00:37:45,606 --> 00:37:48,399
- No, he's my partner.
That's the only way we play.

595
00:37:48,409 --> 00:37:51,693
I'm sorry but it's against the rules of
the game. We have to cut for partners.

596
00:37:51,703 --> 00:37:56,159
Alright, we cut for partners.
I got ace of spades.

597
00:37:56,169 --> 00:37:58,130
He's got ace of spades.

598
00:37:59,053 --> 00:38:00,944
That's what you call coincidences!

599
00:38:00,954 --> 00:38:04,184
Two aces of spades?
- Yeah, he's got thousands of them.

600
00:38:04,354 --> 00:38:08,796
Well I suppose that gives him the choice
of seat. - You have the choice of seat.

601
00:38:09,441 --> 00:38:12,343
Good heavens! Not on her lap.
- Sit down.

602
00:38:12,353 --> 00:38:14,416
What's the matter with him?
- I don't know.

603
00:38:14,426 --> 00:38:16,538
- He thought it was contact bridge.

604
00:38:16,724 --> 00:38:18,898
Just a minute, now. Shuffle the cards.

605
00:38:18,908 --> 00:38:21,987
- Yeah, you gotta scrumble 'em up
a little bit, you know.

606
00:38:35,241 --> 00:38:37,785
Just a moment. I'd like to cut those cards.

607
00:39:00,224 --> 00:39:02,465
That's a winner.

608
00:39:24,275 --> 00:39:25,955
Your bid, partner.

609
00:39:26,789 --> 00:39:28,368
You pass?

610
00:39:29,561 --> 00:39:31,224
Misdeal.

611
00:39:31,818 --> 00:39:34,878
You pass? I bid one spade.

612
00:39:35,099 --> 00:39:37,637
I pass.
- Three spades.

613
00:39:38,435 --> 00:39:39,776
Four spades.

614
00:39:41,753 --> 00:39:46,479
One club.
- I don't understand this kind of bidding.

615
00:39:46,489 --> 00:39:48,901
Well, you don't have to.

616
00:39:50,784 --> 00:39:53,551
You bid four spades, eh?

617
00:39:54,453 --> 00:39:58,289
Why, I haven't a spade in my hand.
- Alright. We double.

618
00:39:58,594 --> 00:40:02,129
There's something wrong here.
I want you to go over the bidding.

619
00:40:02,139 --> 00:40:05,663
Oh, hey, she wants to
start 'em off again, the bid.

620
00:40:05,815 --> 00:40:08,460
He bids one.
- One? One what?

621
00:40:08,470 --> 00:40:10,612
- That's alright. You'll find out.

622
00:40:11,036 --> 00:40:15,384
But we have to know what he's bidding.
- We tell you later. Now I bid two.

623
00:40:15,622 --> 00:40:18,242
Two what? - Two of the same he bids.

624
00:40:18,252 --> 00:40:21,076
Now the bidding's over, see.
That's enough bidding.

625
00:40:21,281 --> 00:40:22,690
It's your lead.

626
00:40:22,893 --> 00:40:25,802
Oh no, you can't lead that.
- Why not?

627
00:40:25,812 --> 00:40:29,515
Why, we can't take it.
- Well, what should I lead?

628
00:40:29,803 --> 00:40:33,419
He'll show you.
Ace of spades. That's-a very good.

629
00:40:34,551 --> 00:40:37,572
Three of spades. Four of spades.

630
00:40:39,669 --> 00:40:41,429
You trump it?

631
00:40:43,789 --> 00:40:46,012
That's what you call finesse.

632
00:40:47,013 --> 00:40:50,119
No spades, partner. No spades.

633
00:40:58,566 --> 00:41:00,331
Ace of hearts.

634
00:41:06,753 --> 00:41:08,553
Ace of clubs.

635
00:41:11,396 --> 00:41:14,383
Dummy leads.
The dummy leads.

636
00:41:14,977 --> 00:41:18,696
I'm not the dummy.
- Well, you could be.

637
00:41:21,020 --> 00:41:22,632
Ace of diamonds.

638
00:41:24,431 --> 00:41:25,992
Hundred aces, eh?

639
00:41:26,603 --> 00:41:29,004
Two hundred? That's better.

640
00:41:30,101 --> 00:41:33,988
Ace of hearts.
Atta boy. Make a big slam.

641
00:41:34,531 --> 00:41:36,473
Make a big, big slam.

642
00:41:37,338 --> 00:41:39,292
Ace of spades.

643
00:41:43,675 --> 00:41:45,237
Ace of spades.

644
00:41:45,712 --> 00:41:48,378
That's a good guy. Plays a good game.

645
00:41:49,494 --> 00:41:52,498
Ace of spades.
Plays a fine game.

646
00:41:54,374 --> 00:41:56,745
Ace of spades.
- I refuse to play any longer.

647
00:41:56,755 --> 00:41:59,466
You're nothing but a couple of cardsharps.

648
00:41:59,476 --> 00:42:01,384
What's the matter, dear?
- My shoes are gone.

649
00:42:01,394 --> 00:42:04,093
Good gracious, he has your slippers. Come along.

650
00:42:06,352 --> 00:42:09,272
Hey, you take-a the ladies' shoes, eh?

651
00:42:35,889 --> 00:42:37,349
Quiet!

652
00:42:45,235 --> 00:42:47,628
Hide. Somebody's coming.

653
00:42:49,690 --> 00:42:53,119
Alright, I make a mistake.
Get up, come on.

654
00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:57,810
Come on. Hey, hurry up.

655
00:42:58,268 --> 00:42:59,750
You know what we to do, eh?

656
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:02,439
We gotta take that picture
and put this one upstairs, for the lady.

657
00:43:02,449 --> 00:43:05,224
Wait, no touch.
You got everything ready?

658
00:43:05,234 --> 00:43:09,911
Shovel, axe, dynamite, pineapples?
Where's the flash?

659
00:43:11,755 --> 00:43:15,014
That's-a no flash.
A flash. Here's a flash.

660
00:43:20,595 --> 00:43:24,447
That's a fish!
I no want the fish. No fish. Flash!

661
00:43:25,114 --> 00:43:26,971
Stop it. You crazy.

662
00:43:26,981 --> 00:43:30,265
When you go out in the night time,
you gotta have the flash.

663
00:43:32,094 --> 00:43:35,387
That's no flash.
That's a flisk. Flash.

664
00:43:35,540 --> 00:43:39,077
When you wanna see somebody,
you gotta have the flash.

665
00:43:39,087 --> 00:43:43,178
That's a flush.
What I gonna do with a flush? A flash.

666
00:43:43,717 --> 00:43:46,592
That's a flitz.
What I gonna do with flitz?

667
00:43:47,180 --> 00:43:48,572
What do ya got?

668
00:43:49,604 --> 00:43:51,420
That's a whaddaya-call a flutz.

669
00:43:51,606 --> 00:43:55,218
All you got is a fish and a flutz
and a flitz and a flutz...

670
00:43:56,126 --> 00:43:59,079
Stop this. Where's the flash?

671
00:44:00,317 --> 00:44:04,798
Look, when everything's light and
you wanna make 'em dark. What ya do?

672
00:44:05,897 --> 00:44:09,553
Hey, you crazy. I want no blackjack.

673
00:44:09,563 --> 00:44:14,757
My mistake, I guess. When everything's dark
and you wanna make 'em light.

674
00:44:15,164 --> 00:44:18,190
Yeah, that's a flash.
That's a flash.

675
00:44:24,483 --> 00:44:26,278
Hey, that's good, alright.

676
00:44:26,539 --> 00:44:30,891
The storm put the lights out. Now nobody
can see what we do. That's-a fine, eh?

677
00:44:30,901 --> 00:44:32,611
Where's the flash?

678
00:44:33,222 --> 00:44:35,038
Where's the flash?

679
00:44:35,666 --> 00:44:37,723
I no want the fish. Flash.

680
00:44:38,801 --> 00:44:42,616
No, no flutz.
What's-a matter for you, eh?

681
00:44:42,888 --> 00:44:45,865
Flash.
Before the people are coming.

682
00:44:46,153 --> 00:44:50,507
What's a matter? You lose it?
You gotta find it. Look for it.

683
00:44:52,242 --> 00:44:55,280
Alright, never mind.
We'll work without it.

684
00:45:05,250 --> 00:45:08,407
Hide! Hide!
Somebody's coming. Hide.

685
00:45:08,931 --> 00:45:12,134
Quiet, quiet. Shut up.

686
00:45:13,205 --> 00:45:16,922
Keep quiet.
I know where you are. It's alright.

687
00:45:18,263 --> 00:45:22,463
Oh, Captain Spalding, where are you?
- Yeah?

688
00:45:22,473 --> 00:45:24,627
Oh, Captain...
- Yes, what's the trouble?

689
00:45:24,637 --> 00:45:29,972
The storm has put the lights out and
you can't see your hand before your face.

690
00:45:29,982 --> 00:45:32,299
Well, you wouldn't get much
enjoyment out of that.

691
00:45:32,537 --> 00:45:34,978
Well, I don't know what you're gonna do
but I'm gonna take a nap.

692
00:45:34,988 --> 00:45:36,799
Leave me a call for three o'clock.

693
00:45:39,389 --> 00:45:40,832
Make it three-thirty.

694
00:45:42,017 --> 00:45:44,054
You certainly get service around here.

695
00:45:44,274 --> 00:45:47,609
Pardon me, Mrs. Rittenhouse,
did you lose a fish? - What?

696
00:45:47,619 --> 00:45:49,249
Well, somebody lost it.

697
00:45:49,435 --> 00:45:51,871
Will you take it out to the kitchen
and have it fried for me?

698
00:45:52,312 --> 00:45:53,874
Did you hear that?

699
00:45:54,675 --> 00:45:56,644
There's somebody over there.

700
00:45:57,255 --> 00:45:59,208
I say, there's somebody over there.

701
00:45:59,218 --> 00:46:02,484
- Don't be silly,
the house is just settling, that's all.

702
00:46:02,823 --> 00:46:05,599
Anybody over there?
- I don't see anybody.

703
00:46:05,955 --> 00:46:09,423
There you are. If there was anybody
over there, he'd see him, wouldn't I?

704
00:46:12,603 --> 00:46:15,601
What is it, Captain? What is it?

705
00:46:15,611 --> 00:46:18,055
You know what I think?
I think you got roaches.

706
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:31,640
Yes, you've got roaches alright.
And the biggest one has got asthma.

707
00:46:32,624 --> 00:46:34,796
Horrible! Come on, Captain.
Let us get out of here.

708
00:46:34,806 --> 00:46:37,676
This can't be the library.
This must be the operating room.

709
00:46:39,899 --> 00:46:42,564
Hey, we get the picture
and we don't make a one sound.

710
00:46:43,508 --> 00:46:45,687
Hey, somebody turned on the lights.

711
00:46:45,697 --> 00:46:48,440
Alright, we get the picture
though we may no make a one sound.

712
00:46:48,610 --> 00:46:50,681
C'mon, let's go, get outta here.

713
00:46:52,859 --> 00:46:55,847
What do you want?
Oh, the fish. Go on.

714
00:46:58,820 --> 00:47:02,832
Hey, that's some storm, eh?
A regular tornado.

715
00:47:02,842 --> 00:47:05,654
C'mon, let's go this way.
I think it's a shortcut.

716
00:47:05,664 --> 00:47:07,124
Come on, let's go.

717
00:47:09,780 --> 00:47:12,326
California.

718
00:47:16,929 --> 00:47:20,450
And now, my friends,
before we start the musical program,

719
00:47:20,460 --> 00:47:24,438
Captain Spalding has kindly considered
to tell us about his trip to Africa.

720
00:47:24,448 --> 00:47:26,746
Captain Spalding.
- Me?

721
00:47:29,639 --> 00:47:32,703
Friends, I'm going to tell you
of that great, mysterious,

722
00:47:32,713 --> 00:47:35,045
wonderful continent known as Africa.

723
00:47:35,251 --> 00:47:38,166
Africa is God's country,
and he can have it.

724
00:47:38,584 --> 00:47:43,407
Well sir, we left New York drunk and early
on the morning of February 2nd.

725
00:47:43,834 --> 00:47:48,823
After 15 days on the water and 6 on the boat,
we finally arrived on the shores of Africa.

726
00:47:49,249 --> 00:47:52,161
We at once proceeded three-hundred
miles into the heart of the jungle,

727
00:47:52,171 --> 00:47:53,570
where I shot a polar bear.

728
00:47:53,750 --> 00:47:58,149
This bear was 6' 7" in its stockinged feet,
and had shoes on him. I had him...

729
00:47:56,639 --> 00:47:59,456
- Pardon me, just a moment, Captain.

730
00:47:59,466 --> 00:48:02,703
I always thought that
polar bears lived in the frozen north.

731
00:48:02,713 --> 00:48:06,447
Oh you did? Well this bear was anemic
and he couldn't stand the cold climate.

732
00:48:06,457 --> 00:48:09,159
He was a rich bear and he could afford
to go away in the winter.

733
00:48:09,581 --> 00:48:12,365
You take care of your animals,
and I'll take care of mine.

734
00:48:12,790 --> 00:48:15,408
Frozen north, my eye!

735
00:48:16,290 --> 00:48:19,071
From the day of our arrival,
we led an active life.

736
00:48:19,081 --> 00:48:22,725
The first morning saw us up at 6,
breakfasted and back in bed at 7.

737
00:48:22,956 --> 00:48:25,390
This was our routine for the first three months.

738
00:48:25,542 --> 00:48:28,105
We finally got so we were back in bed at 6:30.

739
00:48:28,331 --> 00:48:31,486
One morning I was sitting in front of
the cabin, smoking some meat...

740
00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:35,223
Smoking some meat? - Yes, there wasn't
a cigar store in the neighborhood.

741
00:48:35,233 --> 00:48:38,757
As I say, I was sitting in front of the cabin,
when I bagged 6 tigers.

742
00:48:38,767 --> 00:48:42,319
Captain. Did you catch 6 tigers?

743
00:48:42,329 --> 00:48:43,483
I bagged 'em, I..

744
00:48:43,493 --> 00:48:46,360
I begged 'em to go away,
but they hung around all afternoon.

745
00:48:46,370 --> 00:48:49,108
They were the most persistent tigers
I've ever seen.

746
00:48:49,781 --> 00:48:52,140
The principal animals
inhabiting the African jungle

747
00:48:52,150 --> 00:48:54,805
are moose, elks and Knights of Pythias.

748
00:48:55,094 --> 00:48:57,488
You all know what a moose is.

749
00:48:57,911 --> 00:49:01,074
The first day I shot two bucks.
That was the biggest game we had

750
00:49:01,245 --> 00:49:03,443
As I say,
you all know what a moose is.

751
00:49:03,453 --> 00:49:07,237
A moose runs around on the floor and
eats cheese and is chased by cats.

752
00:49:07,452 --> 00:49:09,800
The elks, on the other hand,
live up in the hills,

753
00:49:09,953 --> 00:49:12,821
and in the spring they come down
for their annual convention.

754
00:49:12,993 --> 00:49:15,609
It is very interesting
to watch them come to the waterhole.

755
00:49:15,619 --> 00:49:18,941
And you should see them run
when they find out it's only a waterhole.

756
00:49:19,089 --> 00:49:21,516
What they're looking for
is an alco-hole.

757
00:49:21,910 --> 00:49:24,512
One morning I shot an elephant
in my pajamas.

758
00:49:24,743 --> 00:49:26,859
How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.

759
00:49:27,147 --> 00:49:29,082
Then we tried to remove the tusks.

760
00:49:29,303 --> 00:49:30,152
The tusks.

761
00:49:30,305 --> 00:49:32,815
That's not so easy to say, tusks.
You can try that some time.

762
00:49:32,825 --> 00:49:35,004
Oh, simple. Tusks.

763
00:49:35,014 --> 00:49:38,398
Pardon me, my name is Spalding. I've
always wanted to meet you, Mr. Chandler.

764
00:49:38,555 --> 00:49:40,677
As I say, we tried to remove the tusks,

765
00:49:40,728 --> 00:49:43,477
but they were embedded in so firmly
that we couldn't budge them.

766
00:49:43,681 --> 00:49:45,932
Of course, in Alabama, the tusks are looser.

767
00:49:46,084 --> 00:49:49,734
But that's entirely ir-elephant
to what I was talking about.

768
00:49:50,090 --> 00:49:53,212
We took pictures of the native girls,
but they weren't developed.

769
00:49:53,222 --> 00:49:55,452
But we're going back again
in a couple of weeks and we...

770
00:49:55,462 --> 00:49:58,145
- Very enlightening speech, Captain.
Very enlightening.

771
00:49:57,212 --> 00:49:59,374
- Hooray for Captain Spalding.

772
00:49:59,384 --> 00:50:02,146
Three cheers for Captain Spalding!

773
00:50:02,156 --> 00:50:05,187
Three cheers for Captain Spalding!

774
00:50:05,197 --> 00:50:07,808
Three cheers...
- No one asked for the chairs.

775
00:50:07,818 --> 00:50:10,104
Put them right where you got them. Go on.

776
00:50:10,114 --> 00:50:12,484
Go on with your chairs. Get out.

777
00:50:14,197 --> 00:50:15,524
Go on, go on, you!

778
00:50:16,233 --> 00:50:20,697
And now, friends, Signor Ravelli
will oblige us at the piano.

779
00:50:20,707 --> 00:50:22,122
Signor Ravelli.

780
00:50:25,116 --> 00:50:28,946
Signor Ravelli's first selection will be
"Somewhere My Love Lies Sleeping"

781
00:50:28,956 --> 00:50:30,560
with a male chorus.

782
00:51:32,015 --> 00:51:35,087
Say, if you get near a song, play it.

783
00:51:42,698 --> 00:51:44,786
I can't think of the finish.

784
00:51:47,213 --> 00:51:50,308
That's strange.
And I can't think of anything else.

785
00:51:51,642 --> 00:51:54,229
You know what I think,
I think I went past it.

786
00:51:54,966 --> 00:51:57,806
Well if you come around again,
jump off.

787
00:51:58,813 --> 00:52:01,481
I once kept this up for three days.

788
00:52:02,589 --> 00:52:05,424
You wouldn't consider hush money,
would you?

789
00:52:07,431 --> 00:52:11,165
I can't get 'em now. I've gotta wait
for inspiration. - It's about time.

790
00:52:12,466 --> 00:52:14,978
Play the song about Montreal.
- Montreal?

791
00:52:15,131 --> 00:52:17,631
"I'm A Dreamer, Montreal."

792
00:52:18,521 --> 00:52:20,422
I dunno that. I tell you what I'll do,

793
00:52:20,432 --> 00:52:23,177
I'll play one of my own compositions,
by Victor Herbert.

794
00:52:23,562 --> 00:52:25,311
Make it short.

795
00:54:32,468 --> 00:54:34,471
He plays them both well.

796
00:54:47,191 --> 00:54:49,669
Your team scored that time.

797
00:54:51,726 --> 00:54:53,253
So did the old blue one.

798
00:54:53,474 --> 00:54:55,374
Why do you push, huh?
Why do you push?

799
00:54:55,384 --> 00:54:57,707
- Let 'em alone,
they may exterminate each other.

800
00:54:58,249 --> 00:55:00,112
The best thing to have for either of them.

801
00:55:01,504 --> 00:55:03,503
And once for old Purdue.

802
00:55:16,682 --> 00:55:18,345
I was afraid of that.

803
00:55:19,024 --> 00:55:22,612
Hey, I thought I had the finish.
- I wish you did. Yours.

804
00:55:22,794 --> 00:55:24,789
Play the song
about the Irish chiropodist.

805
00:55:24,799 --> 00:55:26,044
- Irish chiropodist?

806
00:55:26,054 --> 00:55:28,041
- "My Fate Is In Your Hands".

807
00:56:03,797 --> 00:56:06,944
Is there a horse in the house?
They got everything else here.

808
00:56:06,954 --> 00:56:09,726
And now, Mrs. Rittenrotten...

809
00:56:09,736 --> 00:56:13,454
Rittenhouse. - Yes, a slight error.
I have a surprise for you.

810
00:56:13,726 --> 00:56:16,063
The man is here for the piano.
- Oh, Captain!

811
00:56:16,073 --> 00:56:17,889
No, really what I meant to say was that, uh,

812
00:56:17,899 --> 00:56:21,352
when I departed from the natives in Africa,
I was presented with a little gift.

813
00:56:21,572 --> 00:56:24,636
And this gift I am going to give
to you, at a very low figure.

814
00:56:24,646 --> 00:56:26,389
- Oh how wonderful.

815
00:56:26,399 --> 00:56:29,152
Well now, don't be too hasty. Wait'll you see.
- I can't wait...

816
00:56:30,998 --> 00:56:33,408
The whole thing was done
with the white of an egg.

817
00:56:34,036 --> 00:56:36,827
Well, what is it, Captain?
What is it?

818
00:56:36,837 --> 00:56:40,072
What is it, you ask?
This is a hope chest for a guinea pig.

819
00:56:40,082 --> 00:56:40,926
"What is it."

820
00:56:41,130 --> 00:56:42,531
This magnificent chest...

821
00:56:42,541 --> 00:56:43,346
No, this mag..

822
00:56:43,356 --> 00:56:45,243
No, this magnificent chest

823
00:56:45,582 --> 00:56:48,578
I now take great pleasure in
presenting to you with my compliments.

824
00:56:48,588 --> 00:56:51,216
- Captain, this leaves me speechless.

825
00:56:51,226 --> 00:56:54,831
Well, see that you remain that way.
- And now, ladies and gentlemen...

826
00:56:54,841 --> 00:56:56,453
Come outside and say that.

827
00:56:56,657 --> 00:56:59,054
If we will all adjourn to the library,

828
00:56:59,064 --> 00:57:03,525
Mrs. Rittenhouse has another
and perhaps a greater surprise for us.

829
00:57:03,535 --> 00:57:04,976
This way, Captain.

830
00:57:10,234 --> 00:57:15,038
Mrs. Rittenhouse, how do you pay
Hives? By the week or by the pound?

831
00:57:31,865 --> 00:57:35,820
And now it is my privilege
to reveal the masterpiece

832
00:57:35,973 --> 00:57:40,584
of François Jacques
DuBois Gilbert Beaugard.

833
00:57:40,594 --> 00:57:44,546
No trains will be sold
after the magazines leave the depot.

834
00:57:44,953 --> 00:57:46,864
"After the Hunt."

835
00:57:51,848 --> 00:57:55,413
There! I told you, you were a great artist.

836
00:57:55,803 --> 00:57:59,687
Shall we spill the beans now?
- Let's wait a minute. Something might happen.

837
00:57:59,697 --> 00:58:03,468
I'm sure we'd all appreciate
a few words from Mr. Chandler,

838
00:58:03,722 --> 00:58:07,825
who will tell us something of the life
and work of the artist Beaugard

839
00:58:07,835 --> 00:58:09,115
And keep it clean!

840
00:58:10,150 --> 00:58:12,492
Mr. Chandler!

841
00:58:17,458 --> 00:58:21,873
My friends, I am quite sure that
you are all familiar with Beaugard.

842
00:58:21,883 --> 00:58:24,899
And this is perhaps his masterpiece.

843
00:58:24,909 --> 00:58:29,577
In it he has achieved a greatness
in the handling of color and line.

844
00:58:29,587 --> 00:58:31,741
Now you will see here that...

845
00:58:31,962 --> 00:58:36,116
Wait! This is not my picture.
This is a rank imitation.

846
00:58:36,126 --> 00:58:40,102
What do you mean?
- See for yourself.

847
00:58:42,622 --> 00:58:46,991
You are right. It is not the Beaugard.
- It certainly isn't. There's a dog missing.

848
00:58:47,001 --> 00:58:51,409
Oh Captain Spalding, what shall I do?
- Telephone the dog-catchers immediately.

849
00:58:51,419 --> 00:58:53,639
They've taken the original and left me this.

850
00:58:53,649 --> 00:58:56,643
- Leave it to me.
I'll throw some light on this subject.

851
00:58:57,671 --> 00:59:01,514
Has anyone a match?
- What happened?

852
00:59:01,524 --> 00:59:04,736
Oh Hives, where are you?
Turn on the lights.

853
00:59:04,746 --> 00:59:06,951
Mrs. Rittenhouse,
did you lose that fish again?

854
00:59:06,961 --> 00:59:08,995
- Oh Captain, I'm so worried.

855
00:59:09,005 --> 00:59:13,566
Good heavens. That one is gone, too.
- Oh, this is awful.

856
00:59:13,576 --> 00:59:16,545
The crooks, they are escaping.
Follow me, men.

857
00:59:16,555 --> 00:59:18,887
Never mind the men, just the women!

858
00:59:20,933 --> 00:59:23,869
Right this way.
They went out here.

859
00:59:28,355 --> 00:59:33,057
Oh, the excitement. I never saw
anything so funny in all my life.

860
00:59:33,067 --> 00:59:35,857
This is great.
And there goes her old party.

861
00:59:35,867 --> 00:59:40,600
Good old Hives. Wasn't it funny?
- Oh, v-v-v-very.

862
00:59:40,610 --> 00:59:44,243
You're not afraid, are you, Hives?
- Oh no. I'm not afraid. Oh dear, no.

863
00:59:44,253 --> 00:59:47,870
Only, you see, well,
they were talking of having the police here

864
00:59:48,124 --> 00:59:50,253
and I wouldn't want the police suspect me.

865
00:59:50,263 --> 00:59:53,357
Why, they wouldn't suspect you.
- Oh yes, they would!

866
00:59:53,578 --> 00:59:58,732
See, the last time they suspected me,
I got four years. - Hives!

867
00:59:58,742 --> 01:00:02,731
Alright, Hives, give me the painting,
and I'll take care of it. - Good.

868
01:00:14,312 --> 01:00:18,715
Good heavens. It's gone.
- Gone? - I left it in there.

869
01:00:18,725 --> 01:00:21,588
There must be thieves at this party.

870
01:00:21,598 --> 01:00:25,288
If I'd known that,
I never would have come. Wait a minute!

871
01:00:25,984 --> 01:00:29,629
That professor!
- The Professor! I see!

872
01:00:29,639 --> 01:00:31,997
Hives, that's the fella who would plan it.
Now listen,

873
01:00:32,007 --> 01:00:34,543
we've got to get that picture away from him.

874
01:00:34,980 --> 01:00:40,957
Might I suggest some of this?
Very satisfactory in these cases.

875
01:00:41,175 --> 01:00:46,752
A few drops on a handkerchief and
the Professor will no longer obstruct us.

876
01:00:46,762 --> 01:00:49,603
You're sure it'll do the trick?
- Oh, absolutely.

877
01:00:49,613 --> 01:00:51,393
Would you care to try some?

878
01:00:51,403 --> 01:00:54,101
No thanks, Hives.
Let's find the Professor.

879
01:01:02,646 --> 01:01:06,235
I don't see how the thieves could've
gotten away or who it could've been.

880
01:01:06,245 --> 01:01:08,048
It's a good thing we substituted yours.

881
01:01:08,058 --> 01:01:10,683
Suppose the thieves had gotten away
with the Beaugard.

882
01:01:10,693 --> 01:01:13,025
Oh, and it'd be alright
if they stole mine?

883
01:01:13,035 --> 01:01:17,187
Oh Darling, I didn't mean that.
But what would Mother do?

884
01:01:17,197 --> 01:01:21,396
Why, it's worth $100,000.
How could she have replaced it?

885
01:01:21,406 --> 01:01:23,705
Oh, I understand.

886
01:01:25,473 --> 01:01:31,125
Isn't it exciting? Just think, whoever
took it was right in the room with us.

887
01:01:31,125 --> 01:01:33,670
Just like Raffles!

888
01:01:33,670 --> 01:01:37,212
Isn't it romantic?

889
01:01:39,232 --> 01:01:46,011
All the boys I've known
used to say I was made of stone.

890
01:01:46,021 --> 01:01:52,353
I would always leave them alone
in despair.

891
01:01:52,896 --> 01:01:59,344
I've been on the pan,
I've been called an electric fan,

892
01:01:59,354 --> 01:02:05,958
told I'm even much colder than
Frigidaire.

893
01:02:06,277 --> 01:02:11,308
I began to wonder
if I was all wrong.

894
01:02:11,318 --> 01:02:18,913
I thought so
till you came along.

895
01:02:19,532 --> 01:02:24,692
Tell me, dear,
why am I so romantic?

896
01:02:26,270 --> 01:02:31,179
When you're near,
why am I so romantic?

897
01:02:32,842 --> 01:02:38,129
What a grand feeling,
when your lips meet mine.

898
01:02:38,139 --> 01:02:45,672
That certain something comes
stealing up and down my spine.

899
01:02:45,682 --> 01:02:50,594
I don't know
what it is you've done to me.

900
01:02:52,087 --> 01:02:57,152
You don't know
half of the good you do me.

901
01:02:58,723 --> 01:03:04,654
Other boys bore me,
they just leave me blue.

902
01:03:04,664 --> 01:03:14,068
Oh, why am I so romantic
with you?

903
01:03:15,792 --> 01:03:21,453
Tell me, dear,
why am I so romantic?

904
01:03:22,378 --> 01:03:27,881
When you're near,
why am I so romantic?

905
01:03:28,944 --> 01:03:34,332
What a grand feeling,
when your lips touch mine.

906
01:03:34,342 --> 01:03:41,431
That certain something comes
stealing up and down my spine.

907
01:03:41,928 --> 01:03:47,304
When we touch,
close in your arms you hold me.

908
01:03:48,289 --> 01:03:53,706
I forget all that my mother told me.

909
01:03:54,897 --> 01:04:00,692
Other girls bore me,
they just leave me blue.

910
01:04:00,702 --> 01:04:11,521
But why am I so romantic
with you?

911
01:08:03,881 --> 01:08:07,756
Oh, Signor Ravelli!
I've been looking for you all morning.

912
01:08:07,766 --> 01:08:11,529
I was busy all morning. - Signor Ravelli,
you've gotta put that painting back.

913
01:08:11,539 --> 01:08:13,553
Painting? What painting?

914
01:08:13,563 --> 01:08:16,652
The one you changed
last night. You remember.

915
01:08:16,662 --> 01:08:18,879
Oh, you mean the piksh?
- Yes.

916
01:08:18,889 --> 01:08:21,814
Hey, what's-a matter for you? First you want
'em downstairs, then you want 'em upstairs,

917
01:08:21,824 --> 01:08:24,159
then you want 'em a downstairs,
then you..C'mon, Make up your mind.

918
01:08:24,169 --> 01:08:25,821
Oh I do thank you for what you've done

919
01:08:25,831 --> 01:08:29,155
but you've gotta get that painting back
before the police get here.

920
01:08:29,165 --> 01:08:35,150
The police are coming? - Yes.
- Wait, I give it to you. You put it back. C'mon.

921
01:08:39,682 --> 01:08:41,810
Where's the piksh?
- What do you mean 'Where's the piksh?'

922
01:08:41,820 --> 01:08:45,898
I put 'em in here. It's gone. Somebody
take 'em. You take 'em! - Me?

923
01:08:45,908 --> 01:08:49,506
No, I know, I know. The fish peddler.
Abie the fish peddler.

924
01:08:49,516 --> 01:08:51,848
Did Mother invite a fish peddler here?

925
01:08:51,858 --> 01:08:57,017
I don't know, but he's here.
Come on, we find him.

926
01:08:58,224 --> 01:09:00,643
Good morning, Mrs Rittenhouse.
- Good morning, Mr. Jamison.

927
01:09:00,653 --> 01:09:04,269
And how is Captain Spalding this morning?
- Oh he had a very bad night.

928
01:09:04,279 --> 01:09:07,762
He didn't sleep a wink. He went on
horseback riding in the middle of the night.

929
01:09:07,772 --> 01:09:11,184
I'm sorry. - Yes, I know.
- But we've all been pretty upset.

930
01:09:11,194 --> 01:09:15,439
Good morning, Captain.
Did you enjoy your ride?

931
01:09:17,294 --> 01:09:21,142
What in the world are you looking for?
- I lost my horse.

932
01:09:21,648 --> 01:09:24,541
Yes, he slipped right out from between me.

933
01:09:24,551 --> 01:09:27,373
I can't understand it.
I had my feet in the stirrups, too.

934
01:09:27,781 --> 01:09:29,030
I dunno, I dunno how he got awa-

935
01:09:29,040 --> 01:09:31,146
I didn't care about that
but I lost the bit you loaned me.

936
01:09:31,156 --> 01:09:35,307
Nevermind, I'll get you another bit.
- Well, that'll be two bits I owe you then.

937
01:09:35,603 --> 01:09:40,040
Captain, I hope you weren't distressed
by last night's unfortunate occurrence.

938
01:09:40,050 --> 01:09:42,805
You mean that dinner you served?
- No, the painting that was stolen!

939
01:09:42,815 --> 01:09:45,119
Was there a painting stolen?
I haven't seen a painting in three weeks.

940
01:09:45,129 --> 01:09:45,913
Jamison!

941
01:09:45,923 --> 01:09:48,412
As my secretary, why didn't you
inform me there was a painting stolen?

942
01:09:48,422 --> 01:09:49,832
What do you think I engaged you for?

943
01:09:49,842 --> 01:09:50,960
Well Captain, I didn't know it.

944
01:09:50,970 --> 01:09:53,166
- Well, you should've asked me.
I didn't know it.

945
01:09:53,176 --> 01:09:57,074
Well, I'm sorry. - You're sorry?
You're a contemptible cur!

946
01:09:57,084 --> 01:10:02,462
I repeat, sir. You're a contemptible cur.
Oh if I were a man, you'd resent that.

947
01:10:02,472 --> 01:10:04,293
Please keep quiet, will you?

948
01:10:04,853 --> 01:10:06,045
I can get along without you, you know.

949
01:10:06,055 --> 01:10:08,649
I got along without your father,
didn't I? Yes, and your grandfather.

950
01:10:08,659 --> 01:10:11,615
Yes, and your uncle.
Yes, and <i>your</i> uncle. Yes, and <i>my</i> uncle.

951
01:10:11,625 --> 01:10:14,110
- Captain! - I didn't come here
to be exonerated.

952
01:10:14,120 --> 01:10:15,943
- I beg pardon Mrs. Rittenhouse..

953
01:10:15,953 --> 01:10:19,758
Oh you do, eh? Well, I'd like to see you
crawl out of a rumble seat.

954
01:10:22,124 --> 01:10:25,474
The police are here, madam.
- Oh, the police. Have them come in.

955
01:10:25,484 --> 01:10:28,480
Oh, so that's your game, is it.
Well, you can't shut me up! - Captain!

956
01:10:28,490 --> 01:10:32,671
No, you can talk to my attorney.
Jamison, take a letter to my lawyers.

957
01:10:32,681 --> 01:10:35,573
I'll show you a thing or two.
Or three.

958
01:10:35,838 --> 01:10:38,725
Show you a thing or three. - Oh Captain.
- Sending for the police!

959
01:10:38,735 --> 01:10:42,662
Take a letter to my lawyers.
Sending for the police, eh?

960
01:10:42,672 --> 01:10:45,738
I say, take a letter to my lawyers.
- I am taking it.

961
01:10:45,748 --> 01:10:47,909
Well, read me what you have so far.

962
01:10:50,167 --> 01:10:52,517
Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga,

963
01:10:52,880 --> 01:10:56,507
care of Hungadunga, Hungadunga,
Hungadunga, Hungadunga & McCormack.

964
01:10:57,962 --> 01:10:59,248
Semicolon.

965
01:11:00,198 --> 01:11:04,087
How do you spell "semicolon"?
- Alright, make it a comma.

966
01:11:06,158 --> 01:11:10,042
Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga,
Hungadunga... & McCormack.

967
01:11:10,330 --> 01:11:12,387
Gentlemen, question mark.

968
01:11:12,845 --> 01:11:13,857
Er-r-r!

969
01:11:14,644 --> 01:11:19,256
Do you want "er-r-r" in the letter?
- No, put that in an envelope.

970
01:11:19,740 --> 01:11:20,954
Now then...

971
01:11:21,595 --> 01:11:25,892
In re yours of the 5 inst,
yours to hand and beg to rep,

972
01:11:26,534 --> 01:11:27,696
brackets,

973
01:11:28,164 --> 01:11:32,110
that we have gone over the ground
carefully and we seem to believe,

974
01:11:32,120 --> 01:11:35,488
i.e., to wit, e.g., in lieu,

975
01:11:35,498 --> 01:11:40,897
that despite all our precautionary
measures which have been involved

976
01:11:43,183 --> 01:11:47,128
we seem to believe that it is hardly
necessary for us to proceed

977
01:11:47,138 --> 01:11:52,461
unless we receive an ipso facto
that is not negligible at this moment.

978
01:11:52,471 --> 01:11:54,798
Quotes, unquotes and quotes.

979
01:11:56,506 --> 01:11:59,806
Hoping this finds you, I beg to remain...
- Hoping this finds him where?

980
01:11:59,816 --> 01:12:03,484
Well let him worry about that.
Don't be so inquisitive, Jamison.

981
01:12:03,688 --> 01:12:05,097
Sneak!

982
01:12:05,691 --> 01:12:08,619
I say, hoping this finds you,
I beg to remain as of June 9th.

983
01:12:08,629 --> 01:12:10,933
Cordially, yours, regards. That's all, Jamison.

984
01:12:10,943 --> 01:12:14,712
I'll show you where I get off.
Sending for the police.

985
01:12:15,679 --> 01:12:17,757
Vow read me the letter, Jamison.

986
01:12:17,767 --> 01:12:19,853
"Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga."

987
01:12:20,006 --> 01:12:21,762
'Hungadunga.'

988
01:12:22,038 --> 01:12:24,315
Hunga..Hung..- Hungadunga

989
01:12:24,325 --> 01:12:25,843
That's it, Hungadunga.

990
01:12:25,853 --> 01:12:29,857
"C/ o Hungadunga, Hungadunga,
Hungadunga & McCormack."

991
01:12:29,867 --> 01:12:31,685
You've left out a Hungadunga.

992
01:12:32,466 --> 01:12:34,611
You left out the main one, too.

993
01:12:35,341 --> 01:12:38,182
Thought you could slip one
over on me, didn't you, eh?

994
01:12:38,912 --> 01:12:41,810
Alright, leave it out and put in
a windshield wiper instead.

995
01:12:42,200 --> 01:12:44,371
I tell you what you do, Jamison.
I tell you what.

996
01:12:44,381 --> 01:12:47,702
Make it three windshield wipers
and one Hungadunga.

997
01:12:47,712 --> 01:12:50,623
They won't all be there
when the letter arrives anyhow.

998
01:12:50,633 --> 01:12:52,223
Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga

999
01:12:52,233 --> 01:12:54,243
"...and McCormack.

1000
01:12:54,253 --> 01:12:55,438
Gentlemen, question mark."

1001
01:12:55,591 --> 01:12:57,262
- Gentlemen, question mark?

1002
01:12:57,554 --> 01:13:00,396
Put it on the penultimate
and not on the dipthonic.

1003
01:13:00,406 --> 01:13:02,490
You want to brush up on
your Greek, Jamison.

1004
01:13:02,643 --> 01:13:04,910
Well, get a Greek and brush up on him.

1005
01:13:05,084 --> 01:13:07,541
"In re yours of the 5 inst."
- I see.

1006
01:13:07,551 --> 01:13:09,476
Now, uh...

1007
01:13:09,486 --> 01:13:13,884
you said a lot of things here that I didn't
think were important, so I just omitted them.

1008
01:13:19,159 --> 01:13:22,198
Oh Captain! Good gracious.

1009
01:13:22,843 --> 01:13:27,921
So, you just omitted them, eh? You just
omitted the body of the letter, that's all.

1010
01:13:27,931 --> 01:13:30,540
You just left out
the body of the letter, that's all.

1011
01:13:30,550 --> 01:13:34,502
Yours is not to reason why, Jamison.
You've left out the body of the letter.

1012
01:13:35,418 --> 01:13:38,459
Alright, send it that way
and tell him the body will follow.

1013
01:13:41,137 --> 01:13:43,044
You want the body in brackets?

1014
01:13:43,293 --> 01:13:46,511
No, it'll never get there in brackets.
Put it in a box.

1015
01:13:46,698 --> 01:13:50,046
Put it in a box
and mark it 'fragilly'.

1016
01:13:51,293 --> 01:13:56,234
Mark it what?
- 'Fragilly! ' F-R-A-G...

1017
01:13:56,421 --> 01:14:00,471
Look it up, Jamison, it's in
the dictionary. Look under fragile.

1018
01:14:00,658 --> 01:14:02,966
Look under the table
if you don't find it there.

1019
01:14:03,787 --> 01:14:07,579
"Quotes, unquotes and quotes."
- That's three quotes? - Yes, sir.

1020
01:14:07,589 --> 01:14:10,936
Add another quart and make it a gallon.
How much is in a gallon, Jamison?

1021
01:14:10,946 --> 01:14:14,013
Regards. - Regards,
that's a fine letter, Jamison. That's an epic.

1022
01:14:14,295 --> 01:14:14,882
That's dandy.

1023
01:14:14,892 --> 01:14:18,637
Now, I want you to make two carbon copies
of that letter and throw the original away.

1024
01:14:18,647 --> 01:14:20,875
And when you get through with that,
throw the carbon copies away.

1025
01:14:20,885 --> 01:14:23,342
Just send a stamp. Air mail.
That's all. You may go, Jamison.

1026
01:14:23,352 --> 01:14:25,728
I may go too.
- Mrs. Rittenhouse?

1027
01:14:26,376 --> 01:14:29,463
I'm Inspector Hennessey from headquarters.
- How do you do, Inspector?

1028
01:14:29,473 --> 01:14:32,535
Let me introduce myself.
I'm Captain Scotland of Spalding Yard.

1029
01:14:32,545 --> 01:14:36,157
No, I'm Captain Spalding of Scotland Yard.
Please don't make the same mistake again.

1030
01:14:36,167 --> 01:14:39,079
- I'm glad to know you, Captain.
- Well, I should think you would be.

1031
01:14:39,089 --> 01:14:40,647
Now then, Inspector, I think between the two of us,

1032
01:14:40,657 --> 01:14:43,664
we can solve the mystery of the stolen
painting, especially if you go home.

1033
01:14:43,909 --> 01:14:47,693
Inspector, please don't be too hasty
about making an arrest.

1034
01:14:47,703 --> 01:14:49,763
I don't want my guests embarrassed.

1035
01:14:49,773 --> 01:14:52,525
Don't worry, we won't arrest anybody.

1036
01:14:52,535 --> 01:14:54,596
- He's lucky if he can stay out of jail himself.

1037
01:14:54,606 --> 01:14:58,343
Mr. Jamison, would you mind taking
the Inspector and his men to the library

1038
01:14:58,353 --> 01:15:00,513
and showing them the scene of the crime.

1039
01:15:00,523 --> 01:15:03,266
Certainly, Mrs Rittenhouse.
Right this way, Inspector.

1040
01:15:03,276 --> 01:15:05,117
Come on, boys.

1041
01:15:10,173 --> 01:15:12,878
And Jamison, count the spoons.

1042
01:15:13,268 --> 01:15:15,973
Captain, I didn't know
you'd been a detective too.

1043
01:15:15,983 --> 01:15:18,030
- There's a whole lot of things
you don't know.

1044
01:15:18,040 --> 01:15:21,102
- I suppose that's so.
- You know darn well it's so.

1045
01:15:21,112 --> 01:15:24,187
Where were you on the night
of June 5th, 1774?

1046
01:15:24,335 --> 01:15:27,412
I'm afraid I don't know.
- You betcha don't know. Where was I?

1047
01:15:27,598 --> 01:15:30,990
I don't know. - Well, I don't know either
and if I did know, I wouldn't tell you.

1048
01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:32,735
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

1049
01:15:32,745 --> 01:15:35,162
Take a number from 1 to 10.
- Alright.

1050
01:15:35,172 --> 01:15:38,864
Alright, what's the number? - 7.
- That's right. 7 is right.

1051
01:15:38,874 --> 01:15:40,802
I coulda done it with one hand if I wanted to.

1052
01:15:40,812 --> 01:15:44,570
This is no mystery. I could solve this
in 5 minutes if I wanted to worry.

1053
01:15:44,580 --> 01:15:46,830
Captain, I don't want you to worry.

1054
01:15:47,001 --> 01:15:49,728
I don't want anything to interfere
with your weekend.

1055
01:15:49,738 --> 01:15:51,226
Nothing ever interferes with my weak end.

1056
01:15:51,236 --> 01:15:53,464
And I'll thank you not to get personal,
Mrs. Rittenhouse! - Oh Captain!

1057
01:15:53,474 --> 01:15:55,809
Where's my secretary? Jamison! - Captain,
I assure you, I didn't mean to offend you.

1058
01:15:55,819 --> 01:15:59,065
Oh please, Captain, you misunderstood me.

1059
01:15:59,075 --> 01:16:01,769
A more dastardly cracker I've never heard!

1060
01:16:01,779 --> 01:16:04,424
I wish I was back in the jungle
where men are monkeys.

1061
01:16:04,434 --> 01:16:09,102
Captain, I'm so sorry.
- Jamison! No, no.

1062
01:16:10,460 --> 01:16:13,491
Good morning, Mrs. Rittenhouse!
- Good morning.

1063
01:16:13,501 --> 01:16:17,457
Perfectly charming party. I wouldn't have
missed it for the world.

1064
01:16:17,467 --> 01:16:22,821
It's just full of surprises.
- So glad you're enjoying yourself.

1065
01:16:24,807 --> 01:16:27,167
Oh Hives, Hives!

1066
01:16:27,812 --> 01:16:29,975
Good morning. Some breakfast?

1067
01:16:29,985 --> 01:16:33,262
- Breakfast nothing.
Did you get the painting? - No, I did not.

1068
01:16:33,272 --> 01:16:37,139
I watched all night, but the Professor
did not sleep in his room.

1069
01:16:37,149 --> 01:16:41,010
Strange, very strange.
- Good heavens, Hives. What will we do?

1070
01:16:41,020 --> 01:16:44,158
I don't know.
Until we see the Professor...

1071
01:17:19,394 --> 01:17:22,677
You keep an eye on him
till I get back with the bottle.

1072
01:17:22,687 --> 01:17:25,421
Don't worry,
he'll not get away from me this time.

1073
01:17:36,476 --> 01:17:38,200
Did you get it? - Yes, madam. - Good.

1074
01:17:38,210 --> 01:17:40,573
Now I'll go ahead
and engage him in conversation.

1075
01:17:40,583 --> 01:17:45,867
You trail behind and when the
proper time comes, see that he gets it.

1076
01:17:45,877 --> 01:17:47,719
Very good, madam.

1077
01:17:51,536 --> 01:17:55,001
Oh hello. I've been looking all over
for you! Where have you been?

1078
01:17:55,440 --> 01:17:57,402
What is the matter with this?

1079
01:17:57,412 --> 01:17:59,742
What've you got there, the morning papers?

1080
01:17:59,752 --> 01:18:04,940
No, that isn't the one I want.
Let me see one of the others.

1081
01:18:05,279 --> 01:18:08,063
That still isn't the one I want.

1082
01:18:11,622 --> 01:18:12,756
Out!

1083
01:18:14,423 --> 01:18:16,035
Yes, out!

1084
01:18:16,045 --> 01:18:19,158
The birds... Come on up here and sit down.
I want to talk to you.

1085
01:18:23,720 --> 01:18:25,468
Don't you like me?

1086
01:18:26,062 --> 01:18:27,471
You don't?

1087
01:18:27,674 --> 01:18:31,847
Well, I like you.
I like little boys like you.

1088
01:18:32,838 --> 01:18:35,278
By the way, how old are you?

1089
01:18:36,351 --> 01:18:39,929
Five years old?
Why, you're just a baby, aren't you?

1090
01:18:47,819 --> 01:18:50,976
Oh, isn't that nice? I like that.

1091
01:18:51,383 --> 01:18:53,574
No, no, no.

1092
01:18:54,185 --> 01:18:57,769
Now all joking aside,
isn't there someone you do like?

1093
01:18:58,635 --> 01:19:00,978
Isn't there someone you love?

1094
01:19:01,963 --> 01:19:06,386
Now think again. Isn't there someone
you really and truly love?

1095
01:19:07,183 --> 01:19:08,286
Is there?

1096
01:19:09,407 --> 01:19:11,037
Tell me who!

1097
01:19:16,557 --> 01:19:19,832
Why, that's a horse!
You love a horse?

1098
01:19:27,529 --> 01:19:28,888
Come on, lift him up.

1099
01:19:34,521 --> 01:19:37,389
Come on. He's out.
- Let us get out.

1100
01:20:12,579 --> 01:20:17,533
Arabella! - John, I've been trying to find
you. Ravelli has lost the painting.

1101
01:20:17,543 --> 01:20:20,686
Well I've been looking all over for you
I just found a painting out on the terrace.

1102
01:20:20,696 --> 01:20:23,623
Was it the Beaugard?
- No - Oh, yours?

1103
01:20:26,306 --> 01:20:28,889
Well if it's not yours,
and it's not the Beaugard,

1104
01:20:28,899 --> 01:20:30,654
whose is it? Where did it come from?

1105
01:20:30,664 --> 01:20:34,699
Well, don't you see? Someone else
came along and substituted it for mine,

1106
01:20:34,709 --> 01:20:37,164
thinking they were getting
away with the original Beaugard.

1107
01:20:37,174 --> 01:20:40,108
Somebody swiped my scheme, eh?

1108
01:20:40,118 --> 01:20:44,274
Say, then Chandler never saw
your painting after all? - No

1109
01:20:44,284 --> 01:20:48,984
For all I know, you may still be a great artist.
Where is this picture?

1110
01:20:48,994 --> 01:20:52,760
It's up in my room. - Well, you go get it
and I'll get the Captain Spalding.

1111
01:20:52,770 --> 01:20:55,477
He'll get to the bottom of this.

1112
01:21:06,983 --> 01:21:09,104
And then John found the third painting.

1113
01:21:09,114 --> 01:21:11,463
- Well, that's very interesting.
Well, fairly interesting.

1114
01:21:11,473 --> 01:21:13,588
Well, we just gotta keep
a sharp look out, that's all.

1115
01:21:13,598 --> 01:21:16,931
-Oh I've gotta find it or
Mother's out $100,000.

1116
01:21:16,941 --> 01:21:19,236
Now, don't worry.
Let me work on this case for 24 hours

1117
01:21:19,246 --> 01:21:20,713
and then we'll call in somebody else.

1118
01:21:20,723 --> 01:21:23,120
You think it's a mystery now?
Wait'll you see it tomorrow.

1119
01:21:23,130 --> 01:21:24,950
Remember the Charley Ross disappearance?

1120
01:21:24,960 --> 01:21:27,882
I worked on that case for 24 hours
and they never did find him.

1121
01:21:27,892 --> 01:21:29,567
They couldn't find me for five years.

1122
01:21:29,577 --> 01:21:31,498
That's me, Captain Yard
of Scotland Spalding.

1123
01:21:31,508 --> 01:21:33,113
I always get my women, or paintings.

1124
01:21:33,123 --> 01:21:37,017
Arabella, can you mention what's happened?
You know that painting I found?

1125
01:21:37,027 --> 01:21:39,117
Well, it's been stolen from my room.

1126
01:21:39,127 --> 01:21:41,096
There you are!
I haven't been on the case five minutes

1127
01:21:41,106 --> 01:21:42,248
and there's another painting gone.

1128
01:21:42,258 --> 01:21:45,624
I bet it's not even five minutes.
I'll bet it's not over three.

1129
01:21:46,118 --> 01:21:48,666
Now they've got my watch.
This is going too far.

1130
01:21:48,676 --> 01:21:50,865
It wasn't going, and now it's gone.

1131
01:21:50,875 --> 01:21:52,475
And the door to my room was locked too.

1132
01:21:52,485 --> 01:21:55,200
- Well how could they get in?
Who could it have been?

1133
01:21:55,210 --> 01:21:59,480
Wait a minute. I think I've got a clue.
No, it's a hair, a red hair.

1134
01:21:59,490 --> 01:22:03,202
The Professor? Oh no, it couldn't be.

1135
01:22:03,212 --> 01:22:05,549
Well, he's picked out this month
by the Crook of the Month club.

1136
01:22:05,559 --> 01:22:07,458
Anyhow, we'll investigate it.

1137
01:22:11,500 --> 01:22:13,639
You know Conductor Hennessey?
- Inspector!

1138
01:22:13,649 --> 01:22:14,792
Inspect her yourself.

1139
01:22:14,802 --> 01:22:17,967
Now listen, you know that little
redheaded fellow, the Professor? - Yes.

1140
01:22:17,977 --> 01:22:21,086
Well, get that gang of flagpole sitters
of yours and see if you can find him.

1141
01:22:21,096 --> 01:22:23,523
Aye aye, Captain.
Come on, boys.

1142
01:22:24,629 --> 01:22:28,991
We'll soon get to the bottom of this.

1143
01:22:29,001 --> 01:22:30,664
Hey, what's that cop doing there?

1144
01:22:33,722 --> 01:22:37,139
It didn't take that long to find him.
- That's right, this is it!

1145
01:22:37,149 --> 01:22:41,949
Yeah, this is it, but which one is it?
- The one that was just taken from my room.

1146
01:22:41,959 --> 01:22:46,065
Oh, we've got that back. Maybe I got
my watch back. Now the fob is gone!

1147
01:22:47,507 --> 01:22:49,972
Well, I still got the pocket.

1148
01:22:49,982 --> 01:22:54,231
Anything I retain now is velvet.
Except the coat. That's Prince Albert.

1149
01:22:54,241 --> 01:22:57,292
Well, all the jokes can't be good.
You've got to expect that once in a while.

1150
01:22:57,302 --> 01:23:00,091
Say, if we could find the fellow
that painted this picture,

1151
01:23:00,101 --> 01:23:02,914
well, we'd have a pretty good clue.
- What'd you say?

1152
01:23:02,924 --> 01:23:06,975
I said, if we could find the fellow that painted
this picture, we'd have a pretty good clue.

1153
01:23:06,985 --> 01:23:11,513
You just said that. What a dull
conversationalist you turned out to be!

1154
01:23:12,107 --> 01:23:13,923
Let me see that a minute, will ya.

1155
01:23:14,754 --> 01:23:17,433
Say, this is signed "Beaugard".
There's the criminal: Beaugard.

1156
01:23:17,443 --> 01:23:19,669
No Beaugard is dead.

1157
01:23:19,679 --> 01:23:23,141
Beaugard is dead? Then it's murder!
Now we've got something.

1158
01:23:23,151 --> 01:23:25,683
What do you got, Cap?
- I've got jacks and aces. What've you got?

1159
01:23:25,693 --> 01:23:27,635
That's good. I was bluffing.
- Look at this, Ravelli.

1160
01:23:27,645 --> 01:23:30,550
Isn't there something strikes you
very funny about this picture?

1161
01:23:32,389 --> 01:23:36,862
Come, come, it isn't as funny as all that.
Did you ever see a tree like that?

1162
01:23:36,872 --> 01:23:41,283
Tree? That's a spinach.
- That can't be spinach. Where's the egg?

1163
01:23:42,012 --> 01:23:44,737
Well, it could be spinach.
Look at all the sand laying around there.

1164
01:23:44,747 --> 01:23:48,436
You mean it's an old Spinach custom?
No, it's not that, Ravelli. Anything but that.

1165
01:23:48,446 --> 01:23:52,280
No, Cap, that's alright, it's my mistake.
You know what that is, that's Coleslaw.

1166
01:23:52,290 --> 01:23:54,223
Coleslaw?
- Yeah. That's-a Coleslaw

1167
01:23:54,233 --> 01:23:57,300
Did you ever see a coleslaw like that?
- Sure, look at this one.

1168
01:23:57,811 --> 01:24:02,920
I don't want any of your lip now.
Did you ever see anything like that?

1169
01:24:02,930 --> 01:24:05,493
You know what this is?
This is a left-handed painting.

1170
01:24:05,503 --> 01:24:08,561
Look, there's a signature.
- That's right, it's in the right-hand corner.

1171
01:24:08,571 --> 01:24:11,360
This is either a left-handed painting
or a vegetable dinner.

1172
01:24:11,370 --> 01:24:13,797
Now, if we can find
the left-handed person that painted this,

1173
01:24:13,807 --> 01:24:15,814
we'll have "The Trial of Mary Dugan" with sound.

1174
01:24:15,824 --> 01:24:20,024
Well, I saw that. Goodbye. - Now, you wait
here. I'm going to need you. Now look,

1175
01:24:20,034 --> 01:24:22,194
We mustn't lose this. This is evidence.

1176
01:24:22,204 --> 01:24:25,423
Now take it to your room and
leave the door open this time and try that.

1177
01:24:25,433 --> 01:24:28,733
And not a word about this to anybody.
Not even to me.

1178
01:24:30,062 --> 01:24:34,079
Ravelli, we've got to find
the left-handed painting.

1179
01:24:34,089 --> 01:24:37,162
Now, in a case like this,
the first thing to do is to find the motive.

1180
01:24:37,434 --> 01:24:40,878
Now, what  could have been the motive
of the guys who swiped the Beaugard?

1181
01:24:41,542 --> 01:24:43,781
I got it. Robbery!

1182
01:24:44,276 --> 01:24:47,670
Would you mind going out and crossing the
boulevard when the lights are against you?

1183
01:24:47,959 --> 01:24:49,840
Si, Capt'. Sit down.

1184
01:24:50,044 --> 01:24:52,752
You understand, I got an idea
how to find this painting.

1185
01:24:52,762 --> 01:24:56,331
In a case like this that's so mysterious,
you gotta get the clues.

1186
01:24:56,341 --> 01:25:00,062
You gotta use the Sherlock Holmes
method. Now you go about 'em like this:

1187
01:25:00,072 --> 01:25:01,973
You say to yourself, "What happened?"

1188
01:25:01,983 --> 01:25:05,041
Then the answer come back:
"Something was stolen."

1189
01:25:05,407 --> 01:25:08,544
Then you say to yourself,
"What was stolen?"

1190
01:25:08,554 --> 01:25:12,379
And the answer come back: "A painting."

1191
01:25:13,409 --> 01:25:15,369
What are you, a ventriloquist?

1192
01:25:15,914 --> 01:25:19,477
Now you say to yourself,
"Where was this painting stolen?"

1193
01:25:19,487 --> 01:25:22,495
And the answer come back: "In this house."

1194
01:25:22,505 --> 01:25:24,622
Now, so far I'm right, eh?

1195
01:25:24,632 --> 01:25:28,268
Well, it's pretty hard to be wrong if you
keep answering yourself all the time.

1196
01:25:28,797 --> 01:25:32,124
Now you go a little further and you say
to yourself, "Who stole the painting?"

1197
01:25:32,134 --> 01:25:34,615
This a very, very important question, Captain.

1198
01:25:34,625 --> 01:25:37,540
You get the answer,
you got the solution to the whole thing.

1199
01:25:37,550 --> 01:25:40,183
Especially if you find the picture.

1200
01:25:40,193 --> 01:25:42,466
Now you take all the clues,
you put 'em together.

1201
01:25:42,476 --> 01:25:44,569
What do ya got huh?
- Bread pudding.

1202
01:25:44,579 --> 01:25:47,277
No, here's what we got:
Something was stolen.

1203
01:25:47,287 --> 01:25:50,929
Stolen where? In this house.
Stolen by who? Somebody in the house.

1204
01:25:50,939 --> 01:25:54,096
Now, to find the painting, all you gotta do
is go to everybody in the house

1205
01:25:54,106 --> 01:25:55,818
and ask 'em if they took it.

1206
01:25:56,027 --> 01:25:59,313
I could rent you out
as a decoy for duck hunters.

1207
01:26:00,097 --> 01:26:01,738
You say you're going to go
to everybody in the house

1208
01:26:01,748 --> 01:26:03,473
and ask 'em if they took the painting?

1209
01:26:03,483 --> 01:26:07,093
Suppose nobody in the house took
the painting? - Go to the house next door.

1210
01:26:07,103 --> 01:26:10,378
That's Great.
Suppose there is no house next door?

1211
01:26:10,531 --> 01:26:13,439
Well, then of course, we gotta build one.

1212
01:26:13,644 --> 01:26:16,980
Well, now you're talking. What kind of
a house you think we oughta put up, eh?

1213
01:26:17,133 --> 01:26:19,241
Well I tell ya Cap, you see,

1214
01:26:19,251 --> 01:26:22,241
my idea of a house is something
nice and small and comfortable.

1215
01:26:22,251 --> 01:26:24,712
That's the way I feel about it.
I don't want anything elaborate.

1216
01:26:24,722 --> 01:26:28,561
Just a little place that I can call home
and tell the wife I won't be there for dinner.

1217
01:26:28,571 --> 01:26:30,859
I see. You just want a telephone booth.

1218
01:26:31,115 --> 01:26:34,174
No, in that case
I'd get in touch with Chic Sales.

1219
01:26:34,634 --> 01:26:38,285
What do ya say, Cap,
we build right about here?

1220
01:26:38,295 --> 01:26:42,507
Here? - Yeah, right about here. - I'd like
something over here if I could get it.

1221
01:26:42,517 --> 01:26:46,009
I don't like junior crossing the tracks
on his way to the reform school.

1222
01:26:46,019 --> 01:26:48,209
I don't like junior at all, as a matter of fact.

1223
01:26:48,219 --> 01:26:52,273
Alright. We got something over there,
and believe me, that's convenient.

1224
01:26:52,283 --> 01:26:54,580
Oh that's very convenient.

1225
01:26:54,590 --> 01:26:58,924
Well look, all you gotta do is open the
door, step outside, and there you are.

1226
01:26:58,934 --> 01:27:02,508
There you are? There you are where?
- Outside.

1227
01:27:03,258 --> 01:27:06,436
Suppose you want to get back in again?
- You had no right to go out.

1228
01:27:06,777 --> 01:27:09,531
Well, don't do anything
until I hear from you, will you?

1229
01:27:10,077 --> 01:27:14,540
Say, maybe that's the painting down in the
cellar! - That's no cellar, that's the roof.

1230
01:27:14,550 --> 01:27:16,259
That's the roof down there?
- Yeah, you see

1231
01:27:16,269 --> 01:27:20,300
we keep the roof in the basement so when
the rain comes, the chimney don't get wet.

1232
01:27:20,715 --> 01:27:24,425
Well, I'm going out to get x-rayed.
I'll be back in a little while.

1233
01:27:24,646 --> 01:27:26,855
I may be wonderful
but I think you're wrong, Ravelli.

1234
01:27:26,865 --> 01:27:29,682
- Hey wait, don't get excited. Come here.

1235
01:27:29,692 --> 01:27:33,344
Now look, here's the rooms. - Those are the
rooms? - Yeah, right here's the rooms.

1236
01:27:33,354 --> 01:27:37,686
This is your room. This is my room.
And this is the maid's room.

1237
01:27:37,696 --> 01:27:39,799
I'd have to go through your room?

1238
01:27:42,632 --> 01:27:45,574
That's alright, I won't be in it.

1239
01:27:45,915 --> 01:27:49,441
Say, Ravelli,
you couldn't put the maid in your room, eh?

1240
01:27:49,451 --> 01:27:51,498
- What makes you think I couldn't?

1241
01:27:51,817 --> 01:27:54,724
Well, there's going to be a lot of
traffic in there. I can see that.

1242
01:27:55,031 --> 01:27:58,336
Well, what do ya say?
You ready to sign the lease?

1243
01:27:59,120 --> 01:28:01,741
Well, it's a little premature.
I'd like to discuss it with my husband.

1244
01:28:01,751 --> 01:28:03,642
Could you come back
this evening, when he's home?

1245
01:28:03,652 --> 01:28:06,771
Hey, you married?
- Why, I've got a girl as big as you are.

1246
01:28:06,781 --> 01:28:10,310
Alright. Get me one.
- Don't get vulgar, Ravelli.

1247
01:28:10,320 --> 01:28:12,526
Ravelli, how about the painting?

1248
01:28:12,536 --> 01:28:15,433
We take care of that alright.
Now I'll tell you what my idea is.

1249
01:28:15,443 --> 01:28:18,931
I think the kitchen should be white.
Outside, green. Inside, cerise.

1250
01:28:19,085 --> 01:28:21,313
The painting, I say!
How about the painting, Ravelli?

1251
01:28:21,323 --> 01:28:25,173
What you think I talk? That's painting,
the kitchen white, outside green...

1252
01:28:25,183 --> 01:28:28,489
The painting that was stolen!
- Stolen?

1253
01:28:28,499 --> 01:28:31,747
Don't you remember? Mrs. Rittenhouse
lost a valuable Beaugard oil painting

1254
01:28:31,757 --> 01:28:34,558
worth $100,000? Don't you remember that?

1255
01:28:35,217 --> 01:28:37,671
No, I'm a stranger around here.
I don't remember that.

1256
01:28:37,681 --> 01:28:40,437
What do you think I am?
One of the early settlers?

1257
01:28:40,447 --> 01:28:44,144
Ravelli, don't you remember Mrs. Beaugard
lost a valuable Rittenhouse oil painting?

1258
01:28:44,154 --> 01:28:47,087
worth $100,000? Don't you remember that?

1259
01:28:47,097 --> 01:28:50,309
No, but I've seen you
someplace before.

1260
01:28:51,658 --> 01:28:54,670
Well, I don't know where I was
but I'll stay out of there in the future.

1261
01:28:54,680 --> 01:28:57,203
Hey, Capt!
It come to me like a flash!

1262
01:28:57,410 --> 01:28:59,839
This painting wasn't stolen.

1263
01:28:59,849 --> 01:29:02,615
You know what happened,
this painting, Captain has disappeared.

1264
01:29:02,625 --> 01:29:05,722
And yes, it disappeared.
And you know what make it disappear?

1265
01:29:05,732 --> 01:29:08,820
You'll never guess, Cap. What do you
think make this painting disappear, heh?

1266
01:29:08,830 --> 01:29:13,568
Moths! Moths eat it!
Left-handed moths!

1267
01:29:16,989 --> 01:29:20,108
Go away.
Go away, I'll be alright in a minute.

1268
01:29:20,364 --> 01:29:24,098
Left-handed moths ate the painting, eh?
- That's my own solution.

1269
01:29:24,108 --> 01:29:28,174
I wish you were in it.
Left-handed moths ate the painting.

1270
01:29:28,600 --> 01:29:31,047
You know, I'd buy you a parachute
if I thought it wouldn't open.

1271
01:29:32,115 --> 01:29:35,057
Hey, I got pair of shoes.

1272
01:29:36,444 --> 01:29:37,583
He's crazy.

1273
01:29:37,593 --> 01:29:39,717
C'mon, let's go down and get the reward.
We solved it.

1274
01:29:39,727 --> 01:29:41,958
You solved it. The credit is all yours.

1275
01:29:41,968 --> 01:29:43,845
The painting was eaten by left-handed moths.

1276
01:29:43,855 --> 01:29:45,618
- Hey, you know, we did a good day's work.

1277
01:29:45,628 --> 01:29:49,257
How do you feel, tired? Maybe you wanna
lie down for a couple of years, eh?

1278
01:29:49,267 --> 01:29:52,925
Why don't you just lie down until
rigor mortis sets in. Now look, Ravelli

1279
01:29:52,935 --> 01:29:54,458
I'll tell you how we get the painting.

1280
01:29:54,468 --> 01:29:57,612
We go to court
and we'll get out a writ of habeas corpus.

1281
01:29:57,622 --> 01:29:59,436
You're going to get rid of what?

1282
01:29:59,676 --> 01:30:02,443
Oh, I never should have started that way,
I can see that.

1283
01:30:02,750 --> 01:30:06,410
I say, we'll go to court
and we'll get out a writ of habeas corpus.

1284
01:30:06,420 --> 01:30:09,731
Yes, corpus.
- Didn't you ever see a habeas corpus?

1285
01:30:09,741 --> 01:30:12,574
No, but I see "Habeas Irish Rose".

1286
01:30:17,519 --> 01:30:20,144
Good morning.
- Good morning.

1287
01:30:20,865 --> 01:30:24,376
Mr. Chandler, why don't you go down
to the beach with the others?

1288
01:30:24,386 --> 01:30:26,224
I'm sure you'd feel better.

1289
01:30:26,234 --> 01:30:29,020
If I had my Beaugard,
I'm sure I'd feel better.

1290
01:30:29,030 --> 01:30:31,483
Oh but we're doing everything we can.

1291
01:30:31,493 --> 01:30:34,775
Mrs. Rittenhouse! I have it!
- The Beaugard!

1292
01:30:34,785 --> 01:30:36,996
Wonderful! My Beaugard! I...

1293
01:30:37,006 --> 01:30:41,151
Wait. This is not my Beaugard, this is a
rank imitation. Where did you find it?

1294
01:30:41,161 --> 01:30:45,604
In Mr. Parker's room, madam.
- Parker?

1295
01:30:45,614 --> 01:30:49,301
One thing is certain.
The man who made that stole the Beaugard.

1296
01:30:49,311 --> 01:30:52,553
Hives, find Mr. Parker and ask him
to come here. - Certainly, madam.

1297
01:30:52,563 --> 01:30:56,245
Wait. My men will bring him in.
Go out and get Mr. Parker.

1298
01:30:56,255 --> 01:30:57,420
Now then, what's the matter with this?

1299
01:30:57,430 --> 01:31:02,930
- Well, look at here. You've only to look at it
once to see what it is. It is a rank imitation.

1300
01:31:25,283 --> 01:31:27,329
Mother, what's wrong?

1301
01:31:28,338 --> 01:31:31,216
Mr. Parker,
something very mysterious has occurred

1302
01:31:31,226 --> 01:31:33,574
and I'm afraid you're the only one
who can explain.

1303
01:31:33,584 --> 01:31:35,361
I'd be only too glad to if I can.

1304
01:31:35,371 --> 01:31:37,522
Nothing mysterious about it.
We found this in your room.

1305
01:31:37,532 --> 01:31:39,536
Now, what have you done with
the original Beaugard?

1306
01:31:39,546 --> 01:31:42,921
Come clean!
- I think it would be wise...

1307
01:31:42,931 --> 01:31:46,154
Well, I have nothing to say except that
I don't know where the Beaugard is.

1308
01:31:46,164 --> 01:31:49,629
Well, how is it we found this in your room?
C'mon, you'd better come with me.

1309
01:31:49,639 --> 01:31:52,079
You can't take him. - Arabella

1310
01:32:15,237 --> 01:32:18,571
This program is coming to you
from the House of David

1311
01:32:24,571 --> 01:32:28,204
He's either got that suit on upside-down
or there is no law of gravity.

1312
01:32:28,511 --> 01:32:30,608
Einstein or no Einstein.
- My tie!

1313
01:32:30,966 --> 01:32:34,527
Captain, what shall I do?
They're going to arrest John.

1314
01:32:34,537 --> 01:32:36,111
Who's gonna arrest John?
- I am, Captain!

1315
01:32:36,121 --> 01:32:37,796
Oh you are, eh?
Well, let me tell you something: 

1316
01:32:37,806 --> 01:32:40,859
the first thing they teach you at Scotland
Yard is never to arrest an innocent man.

1317
01:32:40,869 --> 01:32:43,811
But he's not innocent.
I'll have to arrest him, just the same.

1318
01:32:43,821 --> 01:32:46,561
By all means, or nobody will be safe here.

1319
01:32:46,571 --> 01:32:51,439
You can't arrest him. I stole it.
- Don't listen to her, Officer. I did it.

1320
01:32:51,449 --> 01:32:57,273
They're both lying. I did it.
- He's crazy. I confess. I did it.

1321
01:32:57,283 --> 01:33:00,136
Maybe nobody stole the painting.
Maybe there was no painting.

1322
01:33:00,146 --> 01:33:02,540
- That's right.
Maybe there was no painting. I saw it.

1323
01:33:02,550 --> 01:33:04,995
Cut out all the talk! Who stole the painting?

1324
01:33:05,005 --> 01:33:08,248
I did!
- Good gracious.

1325
01:33:09,390 --> 01:33:13,063
What, you? You took the picture?
Where is it?

1326
01:33:13,457 --> 01:33:15,280
Aw, that's a horse.

1327
01:33:17,610 --> 01:33:22,685
The Beaugard! That is my Beaugard!
- No, that isn't your Beaugard.

1328
01:33:22,695 --> 01:33:26,649
Don't be ridiculous. I paid $100,000
for this painting. I know what I bought.

1329
01:33:26,659 --> 01:33:28,418
Look at the signature.

1330
01:33:29,338 --> 01:33:33,368
John Parker. Somebody changed it.

1331
01:33:38,881 --> 01:33:43,688
That is my Beaugard! That is the
Beaugard, I tell you. There it is.

1332
01:33:43,926 --> 01:33:49,224
But that one, that has the color,
the depth, the soul of the Beaugard.

1333
01:33:49,234 --> 01:33:53,655
Only a master could have
produced a painting like that.

1334
01:33:53,665 --> 01:33:58,231
You mean, you painted that? - Yes, sir.
- Why, young man, you're a genius.

1335
01:33:58,241 --> 01:34:02,237
You're a genius. I commission you
to paint a portrait of me immediately.

1336
01:34:02,247 --> 01:34:06,191
Well, you'd better make wait until tomorrow.
I'm going to be busy all day. - Yes.

1337
01:34:08,900 --> 01:34:12,215
You'd better come with me, young fellow.
- Don't take him away, officer.

1338
01:34:12,225 --> 01:34:14,110
He returned the paintings.

1339
01:34:15,544 --> 01:34:18,135
Pardon me. My name is Spalding.
I've always wanted to meet you.

1340
01:34:18,145 --> 01:34:22,368
Alright. I'll let him go this time.
But I want to give you some advice.

1341
01:34:22,378 --> 01:34:26,314
You're running around with the wrong
kinda people. You wanna be a crook?

1342
01:34:28,598 --> 01:34:31,332
Why don't you go home?
- He's got no home.

1343
01:34:31,342 --> 01:34:33,730
Go home for a few nights and stay home.

1344
01:34:34,034 --> 01:34:37,903
Don't you know your
poor old mother sits there...

1345
01:34:43,300 --> 01:34:45,200
...sits there, night aft...

1346
01:34:45,925 --> 01:34:48,093
night after night...

1347
01:34:48,553 --> 01:34:52,762
waiting to hear your steps on the
stairs. - Ain't got no stairs.

1348
01:34:53,172 --> 01:34:55,985
And I can see a little light
burning in the...

1349
01:34:56,279 --> 01:34:57,618
burning in the window.

1350
01:34:57,628 --> 01:35:00,121
No you can't!
The gas company turned it off.

1351
01:35:00,513 --> 01:35:03,406
What I'm telling you
is for your own good.

1352
01:35:04,835 --> 01:35:07,386
And if you listen to me,

1353
01:35:07,396 --> 01:35:09,487
you can't go wrong.

1354
01:35:14,093 --> 01:35:17,434
This may go on for years.
- There's just one thing...

1355
01:35:21,779 --> 01:35:24,602
I can't understand
what's delaying that coffee pot?

1356
01:35:25,680 --> 01:35:30,575
Where's the cream?
- Well, you certainly surprised me.

1357
01:35:30,585 --> 01:35:34,511
Me too. I thought he had more than that.
- There's no use giving you any advice.

1358
01:35:34,521 --> 01:35:38,926
Captain, this time I'm afraid
I'll have to take him. Come on.

1359
01:35:38,936 --> 01:35:41,602
Oh, what are you doing? My dear!

1360
01:35:46,500 --> 01:35:49,466
Hey, what's the idea?
- Jamison, take a letter to my lawyers.

1361
01:35:49,476 --> 01:35:52,983
Oh no, don't!
Oh no, oh no no, not, Anything but...

1362
01:35:52,993 --> 01:35:56,919
Oh the things that I've got to go...So young..

1363
01:36:03,960 --> 01:36:07,476
C'mon now, let's get out of here
before they all wake up. Hurry up. C'mon.

1364
01:36:07,486 --> 01:36:09,154
 C'mon, c'mon, c'mon...