1 00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:30,119 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 2 00:00:30,338 --> 00:00:33,380 Did gyre and gimble in the wabe 3 00:00:33,595 --> 00:00:36,432 All mimsy were the borogoves 4 00:00:36,766 --> 00:00:40,308 And the mome raths outgrabe 5 00:03:08,186 --> 00:03:11,769 It is the middle of the Dark Ages. 6 00:03:11,981 --> 00:03:16,478 Ages darker than anyone had ever expected. 7 00:03:16,694 --> 00:03:21,819 An horrendous monster casts a dreadful pall of fear... 8 00:03:22,033 --> 00:03:25,035 ... over a once happy land. 9 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:28,449 As towns and villages are torn apart... 10 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:31,620 ... the helpless survivors seek refuge... 11 00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:35,751 ... behind the walls of the great city. 12 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,504 But out in the forest... 13 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,007 ... in isolated pockets... 14 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:46,098 ... still untouched by the ravages of the monster... 15 00:03:46,311 --> 00:03:50,355 ... life and business goes on... 16 00:03:50,733 --> 00:03:52,546 ... as usual. 17 00:03:54,932 --> 00:03:58,348 Thirteen, fourteen. There's another little one. 18 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,098 - Fifteen. - What are you doing, Dennis? 19 00:04:01,772 --> 00:04:03,315 Stocktaking, Father. 20 00:04:03,525 --> 00:04:06,276 - You took stock this morning. - I did. 21 00:04:06,486 --> 00:04:09,403 It never hurts to keep an account. 22 00:04:09,697 --> 00:04:11,357 In business now, Father... 23 00:04:11,574 --> 00:04:15,358 Never mind that nonsense and help with this cask. 24 00:04:15,578 --> 00:04:19,623 All right, Father. I'll finish stocktaking later. 25 00:04:21,751 --> 00:04:26,794 You see, the secret of the craft is to keep the stake... 26 00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:30,293 Take hold of the hoop. 27 00:04:32,179 --> 00:04:34,136 Dennis. Ralph. 28 00:04:37,394 --> 00:04:40,929 Good day, Mr. Fishfinger. Can I be of some assistance? 29 00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,818 - Well... - Dennis, what are you...? 30 00:04:46,195 --> 00:04:49,280 Yes, well, see, I need some barrels, Dennis... 31 00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:52,112 ...for shipping dried fish to the city. 32 00:04:52,327 --> 00:04:55,446 Big demand there, since this monster scare. 33 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,952 Goodness, prices go up all the time. 34 00:04:58,166 --> 00:05:00,836 That's great. Tell me, Mr. Fishfinger... 35 00:05:01,045 --> 00:05:04,746 ...do you believe stories about villages being destroyed? 36 00:05:04,966 --> 00:05:07,504 I haven't seen the monster myself. 37 00:05:07,719 --> 00:05:10,257 When I was in Muckley the other day... 38 00:05:10,472 --> 00:05:12,714 Muckley? That's a ways. 39 00:05:12,932 --> 00:05:14,842 Two miles or more, easy. 40 00:05:15,644 --> 00:05:18,348 Gosh, I'd like to travel someday. 41 00:05:19,147 --> 00:05:21,021 - About the monster... - Yes. 42 00:05:21,232 --> 00:05:24,270 Well, this grain merchant, over in Muckley... 43 00:05:24,487 --> 00:05:28,235 ...he claimed that he'd actually seen it. 44 00:05:29,951 --> 00:05:34,529 Turned his teeth snow-white overnight, they say. 45 00:05:38,669 --> 00:05:42,454 - Anyway, about the barrels... - Yes, well, must be cheap. 46 00:05:42,674 --> 00:05:44,465 First, must be cheap. 47 00:05:44,843 --> 00:05:50,596 We can attend to your needs. Exactly how inexpensive? 48 00:05:52,267 --> 00:05:55,268 - No more than tuppence apiece. - Tuppence? 49 00:05:55,478 --> 00:05:58,645 What are you talking about? I can't turn out... 50 00:05:58,857 --> 00:06:01,098 ...a decent barrel for that price. 51 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,278 - Father, don't you think...? - Be sensible. 52 00:06:04,488 --> 00:06:08,736 They only have to last until they get to the city. 53 00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:13,574 I don't make barrels to last two or three days, Fishfinger. 54 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,708 I make barrels to last a lifetime. 55 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:20,459 - Everybody knows. - You'll never understand. 56 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:23,544 Or you either, Dennis, I'm afraid. 57 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,251 You don't want barrels. You want bags. 58 00:06:26,512 --> 00:06:27,757 Get out! 59 00:06:27,972 --> 00:06:29,431 - Look, Father... - Out! 60 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,847 Don't come back with shoddy deals. 61 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:35,475 - Yes. Goodbye. - Tuppence! 62 00:06:35,897 --> 00:06:39,147 - I'm sorry, Mr. Fishfinger. - It's all right. 63 00:06:39,358 --> 00:06:42,445 He's given me a very good idea. 64 00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:46,315 Wait! I think I can get... 65 00:06:46,534 --> 00:06:47,863 Bye, Dennis. 66 00:06:49,162 --> 00:06:50,621 Tuppence! 67 00:07:02,385 --> 00:07:04,045 Griselda. 68 00:07:06,722 --> 00:07:09,723 - Yeah? - It is I, Dennis... 69 00:07:09,934 --> 00:07:12,259 ...come to see you. - I see. 70 00:07:13,312 --> 00:07:15,769 How are you, my love? 71 00:07:17,609 --> 00:07:19,685 Have you missed me? 72 00:07:21,030 --> 00:07:23,070 It's lovely to see you again. 73 00:07:23,283 --> 00:07:25,441 I think about you all day long. 74 00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:28,412 I dream of when I'll ask for your hand in marriage... 75 00:07:28,621 --> 00:07:34,078 ...and we'll build that cottage. I'll come home, we'll have supper. Hey! 76 00:07:34,294 --> 00:07:37,045 Roger, what are you doing? Just you... 77 00:07:37,338 --> 00:07:38,998 What? 78 00:07:42,970 --> 00:07:45,758 Oh, Griselda. Sorry. 79 00:07:45,974 --> 00:07:47,433 Griselda. 80 00:07:48,894 --> 00:07:53,935 I can't ask for your love until I can marry. Say you'll wait. 81 00:07:54,316 --> 00:07:57,732 - Say I've got a chance... - Let go! 82 00:07:57,944 --> 00:08:01,065 - Why, Griselda, why? - I've gotta scratch. 83 00:08:01,407 --> 00:08:04,112 Oh, Griselda. Griselda, l... 84 00:08:05,119 --> 00:08:09,828 - Sorry, Dennis. How's your father? - Never better, Mrs. Fishfinger. 85 00:08:14,086 --> 00:08:16,328 - Is that Dennis Cooper? - Yes. 86 00:08:17,757 --> 00:08:22,799 Hello, Dennis. You've got garbage all over your vest. 87 00:08:23,681 --> 00:08:27,050 Look after your appearance. Bad for business. 88 00:08:27,268 --> 00:08:29,973 By the way, thought you'd like to know... 89 00:08:30,188 --> 00:08:34,268 ...I got Wat the Mercer to run me up a few cloth bags. 90 00:08:34,484 --> 00:08:37,401 I wish Father could've seen it your way. 91 00:08:37,695 --> 00:08:40,947 Yes. A man's got to move with the times. 92 00:08:41,283 --> 00:08:44,902 When you take the shop, we'll do business. 93 00:08:45,121 --> 00:08:47,791 Oh, that won't be for some time yet. 94 00:08:49,376 --> 00:08:52,579 It's getting late. I'd better be going. 95 00:08:52,796 --> 00:08:54,789 Okay by me. 96 00:08:55,215 --> 00:08:57,421 Drop in anytime, Dennis. 97 00:08:57,843 --> 00:08:59,801 Goodbye, Griselda. 98 00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:27,658 Father! 99 00:09:35,050 --> 00:09:39,214 - Is that you, Dennis? - Yes, Father. 100 00:09:39,430 --> 00:09:43,891 - Come closer, Dennis. - Yes, Father. 101 00:09:48,815 --> 00:09:52,149 - What happened? - My heart. 102 00:09:53,278 --> 00:09:55,187 I haven't long. 103 00:09:56,949 --> 00:09:59,785 I'm going... I'm going to... 104 00:10:00,495 --> 00:10:01,775 Throw up? 105 00:10:02,288 --> 00:10:03,831 No. 106 00:10:06,876 --> 00:10:08,157 - Father. - Son. 107 00:10:08,378 --> 00:10:12,921 What shall I do without your guiding hand, without your skill? 108 00:10:14,175 --> 00:10:16,084 - Son. - Yes, Father? 109 00:10:17,388 --> 00:10:19,380 I'll tell you... 110 00:10:19,849 --> 00:10:23,681 ...you're going to end up just like that... 111 00:10:26,981 --> 00:10:28,641 ...Fishfinger. 112 00:10:29,066 --> 00:10:30,858 Who, me? 113 00:10:31,735 --> 00:10:35,864 I know Mr. Fishfinger's a successful businessman, but... 114 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,321 Because you've got no understanding... 115 00:10:40,538 --> 00:10:43,539 ...of craftsmanship. 116 00:10:44,083 --> 00:10:48,496 No appreciation of the beauty of wood. 117 00:10:49,922 --> 00:10:52,995 - But... - Because you're just a shallow... 118 00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:56,301 ...dull, pretentious... - Father! 119 00:10:56,513 --> 00:11:00,512 Little stocktaker! 120 00:11:00,769 --> 00:11:03,390 Oh, Father, you're delirious. 121 00:11:03,605 --> 00:11:06,808 - You don't know what you're saying. - Yes, I do. 122 00:11:07,025 --> 00:11:08,270 You whimpering... 123 00:11:08,485 --> 00:11:10,193 ...snotty-nosed... 124 00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:14,235 ...cretinous oaf! 125 00:11:14,532 --> 00:11:18,483 - I've wanted to say this for years. - We're not alone. 126 00:11:18,829 --> 00:11:21,914 You're everything I despise! 127 00:11:22,458 --> 00:11:24,166 Dad's raving, I'm afraid. 128 00:11:24,377 --> 00:11:26,583 No, he's not. 129 00:11:26,796 --> 00:11:31,921 You and your kind will drive good, honest craftsmen to the wall. 130 00:11:32,134 --> 00:11:34,542 Do you hear? To the wall! 131 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:38,630 Honestly, I was only trying to improve the business. 132 00:11:39,309 --> 00:11:42,144 You won't have my business... 133 00:11:43,230 --> 00:11:44,973 ...to improve anymore. 134 00:11:45,190 --> 00:11:51,027 Not my cooperage. Because I'm taking it with me! 135 00:11:51,239 --> 00:11:54,691 - I don't understand. - Don't understand? Damn ninny. 136 00:11:54,910 --> 00:11:56,820 I'm renouncing you. 137 00:11:57,289 --> 00:11:59,328 You're no craftsman's son. 138 00:11:59,791 --> 00:12:02,958 Get out. Out of my sight! 139 00:12:03,753 --> 00:12:06,873 Stocktaker! 140 00:12:32,241 --> 00:12:35,576 Griselda! Griselda, my angel! 141 00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:38,492 - Go away. We're eating. - Is Griselda there? 142 00:12:38,707 --> 00:12:42,325 - Is that Dennis? - Yes, sir. Can I speak to Griselda? 143 00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:47,835 - She's eating. What do you want? - I'm going away to the city. 144 00:12:48,175 --> 00:12:51,259 I'll come back and claim Griselda's hand. 145 00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:53,795 So you will, Dennis. Goodbye. 146 00:12:55,267 --> 00:13:00,180 Griselda, I'm going away. Say something. Say anything. 147 00:13:00,399 --> 00:13:04,610 - Pass the potatoes. - I heard that! You are in there. 148 00:13:05,445 --> 00:13:09,146 Darling, I'm going. I may not see you... 149 00:13:09,408 --> 00:13:11,234 That's rotten! 150 00:13:14,664 --> 00:13:17,997 For me? Griselda, you do care. 151 00:13:18,626 --> 00:13:23,122 A keepsake, something that will always remind me of you. 152 00:13:23,339 --> 00:13:26,673 I'll carry this next to my heart until we next... 153 00:13:26,884 --> 00:13:29,007 Say bye to the boy, Grisey. 154 00:13:31,556 --> 00:13:33,347 Meet. 155 00:13:41,609 --> 00:13:43,400 Goodbye, Griselda. 156 00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:27,902 No, no! Stay away, stay away! 157 00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,324 Stay away from me! 158 00:14:56,231 --> 00:14:58,769 What's that? What was that? 159 00:15:16,046 --> 00:15:18,667 Good morning, Your Majesty. 160 00:15:20,342 --> 00:15:22,168 Good morning, Passelewe. 161 00:15:22,636 --> 00:15:25,839 - Good morning. - And to you, sir. A fine day. 162 00:15:26,056 --> 00:15:28,725 Your business goes well, I trust. 163 00:15:28,934 --> 00:15:31,685 One doesn't like to complain. Your own? 164 00:15:31,895 --> 00:15:34,138 One does one's best, you know. 165 00:15:34,357 --> 00:15:36,349 I hear you're opening a shop. 166 00:15:36,567 --> 00:15:39,237 By the town gate. An area of growth. 167 00:15:39,445 --> 00:15:42,731 I agree. I trust we'll hear an order soon. 168 00:15:42,949 --> 00:15:46,448 Certainly. If your prices are competitive. 169 00:15:46,661 --> 00:15:47,775 Surely. 170 00:15:48,037 --> 00:15:51,038 What's the latest wine-to-water ratio? 171 00:15:51,249 --> 00:15:55,461 It's two wine to one water still. It can't hold at that rate. 172 00:15:55,671 --> 00:15:57,462 They're lucky to get wine. 173 00:15:57,673 --> 00:16:02,751 Is that all? I detected a certain oneness in the last consignment. 174 00:16:02,971 --> 00:16:07,763 That's odd. It was robust when it left my premises. Get a move on. 175 00:16:08,351 --> 00:16:11,387 I'll send you a sample of our new port... 176 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:14,772 Move it, you lame buggers. That would be kind. 177 00:16:14,984 --> 00:16:19,895 - Why has the king called this council? - Lord knows. Get going, you! 178 00:16:20,239 --> 00:16:24,534 I hear he is urged to take measures against the monster. 179 00:16:24,744 --> 00:16:27,033 Allowing the peasants to leave? 180 00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:32,835 It could very well be. And that would not be good for business. Move it! 181 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,201 - After you. - No, you first. 182 00:17:05,413 --> 00:17:07,536 You're too kind. 183 00:17:57,303 --> 00:18:01,431 Attention! Our Most Glorious Majesty... 184 00:18:01,724 --> 00:18:05,223 ...King Bruno the Questionable. 185 00:18:09,942 --> 00:18:14,236 Son of Olaf the Loud. 186 00:18:14,489 --> 00:18:16,861 Oh, he's coming! He's coming! 187 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:22,075 - I'm not finished yet... - Oh, look out! He's here! 188 00:18:27,460 --> 00:18:31,245 - Your Majesty. - Pay attention, Your Majesty. 189 00:18:31,465 --> 00:18:34,632 You must see it's of the gravest urgency. 190 00:18:34,968 --> 00:18:38,469 - Yes, yes. Of course. - Jesus Christ! 191 00:18:40,016 --> 00:18:42,175 Quick sire, down. 192 00:18:46,439 --> 00:18:48,266 Stop it! 193 00:18:50,027 --> 00:18:51,819 Come on. 194 00:18:54,365 --> 00:18:55,824 Bless my soul! 195 00:18:56,158 --> 00:19:00,951 Great-grandnephew... 196 00:19:01,163 --> 00:19:03,701 ...of Emperor Otto the Bent... 197 00:19:06,222 --> 00:19:08,581 ...conqueror... 198 00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,212 ...of Freedonia. 199 00:19:12,427 --> 00:19:15,428 Let him go! Get up, man. 200 00:19:15,638 --> 00:19:18,758 You'll get your rags all dirty. 201 00:19:19,851 --> 00:19:22,638 Sire. Help us, sire. 202 00:19:22,854 --> 00:19:25,523 The monster is ravaging the countryside. 203 00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:30,193 It has destroyed our homes. We haven't eaten in days. 204 00:19:30,529 --> 00:19:31,774 - Weeks. - Months. 205 00:19:32,072 --> 00:19:34,646 - Except... - I ate my shoe yesterday. 206 00:19:34,867 --> 00:19:39,493 Oh, that's nothing. I ate three toes off of my right foot. 207 00:19:39,705 --> 00:19:42,540 - Terrible... - That ain't your right foot. 208 00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:45,912 Know-it-all! Are you a doctor or something? 209 00:19:46,129 --> 00:19:50,459 I saw a doctor once. He didn't see me. I was hiding. 210 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:55,089 Your Majesty, save us from the great green beast. 211 00:19:55,306 --> 00:19:58,141 - Gray! - The side I saw was a dirty yellow. 212 00:19:58,392 --> 00:20:01,144 - No, it were more orange. - It was gray! 213 00:20:05,733 --> 00:20:08,521 Now stop it. Stop it, all of you! 214 00:20:08,737 --> 00:20:10,730 Go on, get out, get out! 215 00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:13,072 What are you doing? Get out! 216 00:20:13,284 --> 00:20:15,360 I'll read this to the king. 217 00:20:15,578 --> 00:20:17,618 - Stop it! - Go on! 218 00:20:19,833 --> 00:20:24,578 It seems, Passelewe, that my subjects are becoming a pain in the arse. 219 00:20:24,796 --> 00:20:27,203 Yes. Well, you must do something. 220 00:20:27,424 --> 00:20:32,087 Your kingdom is paralysed with fear. The city is packed with refugees. 221 00:20:32,304 --> 00:20:37,013 They're easy prey for every sharp-witted merchant and trickster. 222 00:20:37,351 --> 00:20:42,393 Past grand master of the Royal Order of Lowndes Victor, Saviour of Wales. 223 00:20:44,608 --> 00:20:47,445 - Hey! - And king. 224 00:21:08,385 --> 00:21:12,928 Your Majesty, your council meets today in solemn session... 225 00:21:13,140 --> 00:21:16,759 ...to urgently discuss the terrible havoc... 226 00:21:16,978 --> 00:21:20,643 ...wreaked by the monster all over the countryside. 227 00:21:20,857 --> 00:21:24,356 Nobody gets in here without money or possessions. 228 00:21:24,569 --> 00:21:27,322 But I've got possessions. See? 229 00:21:27,531 --> 00:21:29,026 That's only a rock. 230 00:21:29,242 --> 00:21:30,700 - Only a rock? - Yeah. 231 00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:34,610 Listen, what if this is not just an ordinary rock? 232 00:21:34,830 --> 00:21:37,950 What if this is a diamond? 233 00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:41,702 It don't shine. Now get out of here! 234 00:21:43,297 --> 00:21:44,839 Right, next. 235 00:21:45,049 --> 00:21:49,961 - What have you got? Any grain? Cloth? - I haven't got anything. 236 00:21:50,180 --> 00:21:54,510 - But it's important that I get in. - They all say that. Move on. 237 00:21:54,726 --> 00:21:58,771 You don't understand. I'm here for a job. I'm starting over. 238 00:21:58,981 --> 00:22:01,057 I've got lots of good ideas... 239 00:22:01,275 --> 00:22:06,235 Now look, sonny, shove off. Wait a minute! What have you got here? 240 00:22:06,532 --> 00:22:08,192 What's this? 241 00:22:09,076 --> 00:22:12,611 You told us you had nothing. 242 00:22:12,913 --> 00:22:15,404 - That's not for eating. - What? 243 00:22:15,624 --> 00:22:18,460 You could last for a week on that. 244 00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:21,671 Just a minute. What are you up to, sonny? 245 00:22:22,048 --> 00:22:24,456 Oh, nothing. It's a memento. 246 00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:25,792 A memento? 247 00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:29,754 My sweetheart gave it to me. 248 00:22:29,974 --> 00:22:31,682 She gave you that? 249 00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:34,509 Yes. Can I have it back, please? 250 00:22:35,396 --> 00:22:38,101 God, she must really love you. 251 00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,399 Do you really think so? 252 00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:44,654 Yeah. I've got a sticky feeling inside me just thinking of it. 253 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:48,614 - You sure are a lucky guy. - Come on, Fred. Cut it out. 254 00:22:48,827 --> 00:22:52,742 - He's not getting in. - Give him a break, just this once. 255 00:22:52,956 --> 00:22:55,079 No chance. Now push off, you. 256 00:23:03,133 --> 00:23:05,625 Just because he's got a potato... 257 00:23:05,845 --> 00:23:07,637 That's what they all say. 258 00:23:07,889 --> 00:23:11,389 - Wait a minute. - Hey, you! 259 00:23:12,311 --> 00:23:14,434 Come back! 260 00:23:18,025 --> 00:23:20,315 That's far enough. 261 00:23:21,446 --> 00:23:24,116 Let's have a look at your legs. 262 00:23:42,594 --> 00:23:44,171 Next. 263 00:23:49,059 --> 00:23:50,767 And so, Your Majesty... 264 00:23:50,978 --> 00:23:56,221 ...your great-great-great-great- great-grandfather... 265 00:23:56,442 --> 00:23:59,893 ...King Max the Vainglorious, by a tournament... 266 00:24:00,112 --> 00:24:05,155 ...chose from his knights a champion to free the kingdom from pestilence. 267 00:24:05,619 --> 00:24:10,115 Mounted on his mighty charger, Sir Bromiades waged... 268 00:24:15,795 --> 00:24:17,622 What's that? 269 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:21,791 Quickly, man. Somebody might be trying to poison me. 270 00:24:25,266 --> 00:24:29,727 - Plaster, Your Majesty. - Oh. Carry on, Passelewe. 271 00:24:30,355 --> 00:24:33,688 - Mounted on his... - The 11th... 272 00:24:34,484 --> 00:24:38,067 - Mounted on his mighty... - No, wait. Twelfth century. 273 00:24:38,279 --> 00:24:41,067 Shut up! Fool! 274 00:24:41,699 --> 00:24:42,898 Carry on. 275 00:24:43,118 --> 00:24:46,737 Until peace was once more restored to the kingdom. 276 00:24:46,956 --> 00:24:51,250 With that, King Max rode back to the cheers of his subjects... 277 00:24:51,460 --> 00:24:53,916 ...who lined the road for 50 miles. 278 00:24:54,547 --> 00:24:59,090 Fifty miles? Do you mean they cheered him all that way? 279 00:24:59,301 --> 00:25:04,463 Wow! They certainly must have respected him. 280 00:25:04,891 --> 00:25:07,892 You're right. We'll hold a tournament. 281 00:25:08,186 --> 00:25:12,765 It's years since we've heard the clash of sword against shield... 282 00:25:12,983 --> 00:25:16,981 ...the clamour of armoured knights crashing to the ground... 283 00:25:17,195 --> 00:25:22,403 ...the spurt of blood as the dagger is thrust into unprotected groin. 284 00:25:22,617 --> 00:25:25,075 Oh, no, dear. No, no, no. 285 00:25:25,456 --> 00:25:29,537 What I had in mind was a tournament à plaisance. 286 00:25:31,004 --> 00:25:32,913 A plaisance? 287 00:25:33,131 --> 00:25:37,045 Passelewe, do my ear holes hear aright? 288 00:25:37,260 --> 00:25:43,015 A plaisance, with blunted sword and collared lance? 289 00:25:43,226 --> 00:25:44,636 Where's the honour? 290 00:25:44,852 --> 00:25:48,636 Where's the glory in buffoons playing pillow fights? 291 00:25:48,856 --> 00:25:54,230 No! It must be L'outrance. To the death. 292 00:25:54,654 --> 00:25:57,192 - Please, Bruno, please. - No, no, no. 293 00:25:57,406 --> 00:26:00,573 Go with all speed and make the arrangements. 294 00:26:01,410 --> 00:26:05,195 I can't wait to tell the princess. 295 00:26:16,927 --> 00:26:19,003 Daughter? 296 00:26:19,638 --> 00:26:23,174 Still working hard, I see. 297 00:26:23,393 --> 00:26:27,308 You and the blessed Sisters of Misery. 298 00:26:27,523 --> 00:26:31,272 Well, what are you making, daughter? 299 00:26:31,485 --> 00:26:36,232 A tapestry depicting the famous siege of Castle Apcadwallader. 300 00:26:36,658 --> 00:26:41,237 See? In this portion, the king is eating his horse... 301 00:26:41,455 --> 00:26:44,872 ...on the 98th day of the siege. 302 00:26:45,084 --> 00:26:46,578 Splendid! 303 00:26:47,503 --> 00:26:50,588 Very pretty, daughter. But you were always... 304 00:26:52,050 --> 00:26:56,261 Careful, Father. Sister Winnet fell out last week. 305 00:26:58,222 --> 00:27:02,470 Daughter, our kingdom will soon be free of the monster. 306 00:27:02,686 --> 00:27:07,182 I have declared a tournament to find a champion to destroy it. 307 00:27:07,399 --> 00:27:09,522 - What, the kingdom? - Oh, no. 308 00:27:09,735 --> 00:27:13,815 - Of course not, silly. The monster. - Oh! I see. 309 00:27:14,031 --> 00:27:15,774 Yes, and not only that. 310 00:27:15,991 --> 00:27:20,404 The successful knight will win your hand in marriage. 311 00:27:20,621 --> 00:27:22,947 Marriage? 312 00:27:23,625 --> 00:27:26,626 Yes, well, you want to be married, surely? 313 00:27:26,836 --> 00:27:28,795 - Of course, Daddy. - Then... 314 00:27:29,006 --> 00:27:32,755 But I want to marry a prince. I'm supposed to. 315 00:27:33,302 --> 00:27:36,967 That's why I wait here, like all the books say to. 316 00:27:37,181 --> 00:27:41,050 Are any of the contestants princes? 317 00:27:42,062 --> 00:27:46,143 - Well, not exactly. - No? 318 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:49,526 No, but I could make one a prince, couldn't I? 319 00:27:49,737 --> 00:27:52,359 - I mean the winner. - It's not the same. 320 00:27:52,699 --> 00:27:57,159 No, not really. Well, never mind. 321 00:27:57,370 --> 00:28:02,614 Once the monster is destroyed, I will build you a beautiful bridal suite... 322 00:28:02,877 --> 00:28:05,712 ...in the lovely west tower. 323 00:28:16,223 --> 00:28:17,848 On second thought... 324 00:28:18,058 --> 00:28:21,144 ...I think the view from the lovely east tower... 325 00:28:21,354 --> 00:28:24,308 ...would be infinitely more preferable. 326 00:29:10,449 --> 00:29:12,572 - Who is it? - Excuse me. 327 00:29:12,827 --> 00:29:14,950 - Watch him. - What does he want? 328 00:29:15,162 --> 00:29:19,244 - Could I have some of your soup? - He's after our soup! 329 00:29:19,459 --> 00:29:22,247 - Somebody stop him! - Poke a hole in him! 330 00:29:22,462 --> 00:29:25,831 - I'll do anything. - Will he gather firewood? 331 00:29:26,049 --> 00:29:29,549 - What do you think? - We should poke a hole in him. 332 00:29:29,761 --> 00:29:32,929 I'll collect firewood if you let me have soup. 333 00:29:33,141 --> 00:29:35,299 Where do I get it from? 334 00:29:49,950 --> 00:29:53,200 Well, could I have a taste of the soup first? 335 00:29:53,454 --> 00:29:56,490 Just see if I like it? No, I thought not. 336 00:29:59,629 --> 00:30:04,125 Well, I'd better go then. The firewood, was it? 337 00:30:58,942 --> 00:31:01,564 So, you've discovered my diamond mine? 338 00:31:01,903 --> 00:31:06,067 - I was gathering firewood. - Liar! It's diamonds you're after. 339 00:31:06,450 --> 00:31:10,662 - Those aren't diamonds. They're rocks. - Rocks? 340 00:31:11,998 --> 00:31:15,996 Quick thinking, but not quick enough to save your skin! 341 00:31:16,210 --> 00:31:20,340 The secret of my diamond mine dies with you! 342 00:31:54,168 --> 00:31:58,416 I just dropped in to tell you to start without me. 343 00:31:58,924 --> 00:32:01,380 Perhaps another night. 344 00:33:05,037 --> 00:33:07,243 Hey! Hey! Hold it! 345 00:33:07,456 --> 00:33:10,492 Open up there! Open the door! 346 00:33:10,709 --> 00:33:13,117 Open it up! Open up in there! 347 00:33:13,796 --> 00:33:19,384 Open it! Open the door! Open the door! 348 00:34:04,852 --> 00:34:07,888 Rush hour! 349 00:34:32,757 --> 00:34:35,628 Hearken before it is too late! 350 00:34:35,844 --> 00:34:40,056 Repent! Cleanse yourselves! 351 00:34:40,265 --> 00:34:43,101 The beast is at the gates! 352 00:34:45,146 --> 00:34:48,266 The beast is at the gates! 353 00:34:49,734 --> 00:34:54,148 - Cleanse yourselves! - Horrible. Horrible. 354 00:34:54,907 --> 00:34:56,615 Repent! 355 00:34:57,159 --> 00:35:00,528 The beast is at the gates! 356 00:35:00,955 --> 00:35:03,161 Cleanse yourselves! 357 00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:06,912 All citizens, listen to me. 358 00:35:07,128 --> 00:35:11,172 - Yeah, you better bloody listen! - I hope you're listening! 359 00:35:12,008 --> 00:35:14,879 Are you listening up?! 360 00:35:15,679 --> 00:35:18,763 - You better listen up! - Shut up! 361 00:35:19,099 --> 00:35:22,100 - You were making noise. - You never listen. 362 00:35:22,311 --> 00:35:24,718 - Sin! - Sin. Sin. 363 00:35:25,063 --> 00:35:27,981 - The spikes of the pondylus. - The pondylus. 364 00:35:28,191 --> 00:35:31,477 - The crests of the dactylopters. - Dactylopters. 365 00:35:31,778 --> 00:35:33,606 - The trigla. - The trigla. 366 00:35:33,865 --> 00:35:39,025 - And the flying hogfish. - And the flying hogfish. 367 00:35:39,245 --> 00:35:44,916 Are as nothing compared to the beast that holds us prisoner! 368 00:35:45,252 --> 00:35:49,749 - The beast... - Flying hogfish? 369 00:35:50,926 --> 00:35:53,418 I seen a gliding hogfish once. 370 00:35:53,638 --> 00:35:57,552 Never flying. Not actually flying. 371 00:36:02,021 --> 00:36:07,181 Stewed mackerel! Stewed mackerel! 372 00:36:10,488 --> 00:36:14,403 Cabbages. Cabbages. 373 00:36:14,743 --> 00:36:19,405 Rats killed, lady. All very tidy. All very quiet. 374 00:36:19,623 --> 00:36:21,165 - Morning. - Oh, morning. 375 00:36:21,542 --> 00:36:26,287 - I'm afraid I haven't got any money. - Oh, that's all right. 376 00:36:26,505 --> 00:36:28,498 Thank you. 377 00:36:29,383 --> 00:36:30,497 Thank you. 378 00:36:30,717 --> 00:36:33,470 - Is that yours? - Well, of course it is. 379 00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:35,922 Whose did you think it was? 380 00:36:36,141 --> 00:36:37,801 - New to the city? - Yes. 381 00:36:38,017 --> 00:36:41,351 I came to start a new life here. Get a job. 382 00:36:41,646 --> 00:36:45,691 A job? No chance, son. Oh, thank you, governor. 383 00:36:45,984 --> 00:36:48,939 There must be plenty of opportunities. 384 00:36:49,155 --> 00:36:51,029 Morning. Thank you. 385 00:36:51,241 --> 00:36:54,741 I am a qualified cooper's apprentice. 386 00:36:54,954 --> 00:36:56,698 Cooper's apprentice? 387 00:36:56,956 --> 00:37:01,333 Well, what a coincidence. I'm a cooper myself. 388 00:37:01,544 --> 00:37:04,628 You may even have heard of me. Wat Dabney. 389 00:37:05,298 --> 00:37:07,207 Wat Dabney! 390 00:37:07,467 --> 00:37:11,381 Not the Wat Dabney? Inventor of the inverted firkin? 391 00:37:11,596 --> 00:37:13,257 The very same, lad. 392 00:37:13,515 --> 00:37:18,059 Now, if I can't get a job here, what chance have you got? 393 00:37:18,312 --> 00:37:23,223 Come here. Here. You see that plaque? 394 00:37:23,442 --> 00:37:27,107 There, under the barrel. That's a guild sign. 395 00:37:27,905 --> 00:37:31,190 To work there, you've got to be a guild member. 396 00:37:31,451 --> 00:37:35,745 But you're not, and I'm not and not likely to be. 397 00:37:35,956 --> 00:37:37,035 That's not fair. 398 00:37:37,290 --> 00:37:40,125 Fair or not, guilds have the town sewn up. 399 00:37:40,752 --> 00:37:43,670 - Morning. - What am I gonna do? 400 00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,798 It's no good going around with a long face. 401 00:37:47,050 --> 00:37:49,208 I did for weeks. Nearly starved. 402 00:37:49,427 --> 00:37:53,344 Then only this morning, I thought of this. 403 00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:56,600 Hey... 404 00:37:56,896 --> 00:37:59,683 Maybe we could team up together. 405 00:38:00,775 --> 00:38:02,234 Sure. 406 00:38:02,443 --> 00:38:05,563 - All we've got to do is... - No. Goodbye. 407 00:38:05,822 --> 00:38:08,313 I think it's a one-man business. 408 00:38:08,575 --> 00:38:11,992 What a golden chance he's missing. 409 00:38:41,485 --> 00:38:44,355 Attention! Attention... 410 00:38:44,571 --> 00:38:47,062 ...ladies and gentlemen, please. 411 00:38:47,365 --> 00:38:51,910 In my humble capacity as herald to His... 412 00:38:52,163 --> 00:38:56,244 Magnificence, King Bruno the Questionable... 413 00:38:57,795 --> 00:39:02,291 ...it is my privilege to announce... 414 00:39:06,763 --> 00:39:08,802 ...a joost... 415 00:39:09,057 --> 00:39:11,466 Sorry, a joust... 416 00:39:12,353 --> 00:39:16,730 ...to the death, to choose a champion. 417 00:39:17,817 --> 00:39:20,652 A champion to free the country... 418 00:39:20,861 --> 00:39:26,485 To free the country from the torments and ravages of the... 419 00:39:28,869 --> 00:39:30,863 Excuse me. 420 00:39:31,707 --> 00:39:33,580 Thank you very much. 421 00:39:39,715 --> 00:39:43,000 As a reward for killing the monster... 422 00:39:43,260 --> 00:39:46,545 ...the king's champion will receive... 423 00:39:46,805 --> 00:39:53,259 ...half the princess's hand and the entire kingdom in marriage. 424 00:39:55,982 --> 00:39:58,225 Correction. It is, of course... 425 00:39:58,486 --> 00:40:04,275 It is, of course, the king's hand and half the princess's kingdom. 426 00:40:05,701 --> 00:40:07,112 Excuse me. 427 00:40:10,916 --> 00:40:12,625 Yes, I see. Thank you. 428 00:40:12,835 --> 00:40:16,667 I've just received final confirmation of the final terms. 429 00:40:16,881 --> 00:40:19,502 It is, of course, the princess's hand... 430 00:40:19,717 --> 00:40:24,426 ...and half the entire kingdom. 431 00:42:17,302 --> 00:42:21,347 - Beware the Jabberwock, my son. - Cabbages. 432 00:42:21,557 --> 00:42:25,506 - The jaws that bite... - Can I have one for nothing? 433 00:42:25,894 --> 00:42:27,093 Get off. 434 00:44:12,052 --> 00:44:15,552 Hot roasted rats! Only a farthing. 435 00:44:16,223 --> 00:44:17,599 Rats on a stick! 436 00:44:17,892 --> 00:44:20,976 Shortly, one of you will own this egg... 437 00:44:21,270 --> 00:44:25,767 Get them hot! There you are, sonny. Off you go then. 438 00:44:26,276 --> 00:44:30,404 Here! Get your rats! Only a farthing! 439 00:44:30,614 --> 00:44:34,065 Turnips. Get your turnips. Turnips here. 440 00:44:34,826 --> 00:44:38,278 Turnips. Get your turnips. 441 00:44:58,977 --> 00:45:00,222 Hey, watch it! 442 00:45:14,829 --> 00:45:16,786 Jesus Christ! 443 00:45:19,875 --> 00:45:22,497 I'm sorry. I only wanted a turnip. 444 00:45:22,712 --> 00:45:24,456 Just keep walking. 445 00:45:26,133 --> 00:45:29,632 Hold up one minute. I'll have you out in two shakes. 446 00:45:29,886 --> 00:45:32,342 - Come on! - I've got it, really. 447 00:45:35,100 --> 00:45:36,678 How about that then? 448 00:45:36,977 --> 00:45:40,677 First-class service as advertised. Tell your friends. 449 00:45:44,903 --> 00:45:47,939 - Where do you want it? - By the burnishing pit. 450 00:45:48,156 --> 00:45:50,232 Over by the burnishing pit. 451 00:45:50,450 --> 00:45:55,243 Suppose you want this lot today. What happened? A tree fall on him? 452 00:45:57,791 --> 00:45:59,250 All right up there? 453 00:46:01,921 --> 00:46:05,291 You're the master armourer! Look at this arm brace! 454 00:46:05,509 --> 00:46:07,300 You call that workmanship? 455 00:46:07,511 --> 00:46:09,883 - I can't do... - Look at this jambeau! 456 00:46:10,138 --> 00:46:12,630 - What's wrong with it? - It fell off! 457 00:46:12,850 --> 00:46:14,594 You can't please people. 458 00:46:14,811 --> 00:46:18,096 I sent for the best armour. Arm braces are simple! 459 00:46:18,314 --> 00:46:21,765 I don't want to hear it! You said Friday afternoon! 460 00:46:21,984 --> 00:46:24,773 And to me, that means Friday afternoon! 461 00:46:24,988 --> 00:46:28,523 - I put three of my best men on the job. - No good! 462 00:46:29,535 --> 00:46:30,697 Get back! 463 00:46:30,911 --> 00:46:32,987 Come on, boys. Come on. 464 00:46:34,456 --> 00:46:37,243 And don't bother sending a bill, either! 465 00:46:51,558 --> 00:46:53,052 Excuse me. 466 00:46:57,689 --> 00:47:00,227 Excuse me! I couldn't help noticing... 467 00:47:00,442 --> 00:47:02,520 Get on out of here! 468 00:47:03,697 --> 00:47:08,738 It would increase your efficiency if you moved your box to here. 469 00:48:02,385 --> 00:48:04,958 You clumsy idiot! 470 00:48:05,179 --> 00:48:07,587 - Let's get out of here. - I was trying... 471 00:48:07,807 --> 00:48:10,381 - You did beautifully! - What about him? 472 00:48:10,602 --> 00:48:15,645 Come on! I'll buy you a drink. We'll go to the Queen's Haemorrhoids! 473 00:48:21,636 --> 00:48:23,878 - That better? - Oh, yeah. 474 00:48:24,097 --> 00:48:26,968 - I can't remember when I ate last. - I know. 475 00:48:27,183 --> 00:48:29,853 I once went without food for 147 days. 476 00:48:30,604 --> 00:48:32,098 147 days? 477 00:48:32,355 --> 00:48:34,763 It was the siege of Caerlaverock. 478 00:48:34,983 --> 00:48:39,396 Food was so short... What's the matter? You got a stomachache? 479 00:48:39,738 --> 00:48:42,408 I was trying to work out my next move. 480 00:48:42,742 --> 00:48:46,490 So was I. Jeez, why worry? 481 00:48:46,704 --> 00:48:51,331 I've got to! It's a big step coming from a small village to a city. 482 00:48:51,584 --> 00:48:56,412 I know! That's what attracted me to the life of a squire, the travelling. 483 00:48:56,631 --> 00:48:59,169 One day you're in Hertford hunting... 484 00:48:59,383 --> 00:49:05,672 ...the next you're in Scotland being burned at the stake. The adventure! 485 00:49:05,891 --> 00:49:10,517 Like the time we was fighting the Blessed Sisters of St. Alopecia... 486 00:49:10,729 --> 00:49:12,556 ...a band of warrior nuns. 487 00:49:12,898 --> 00:49:15,815 It sounds exciting. But how secure is it? 488 00:49:16,026 --> 00:49:18,780 - Now, you take coopering... - Coopering? 489 00:49:18,989 --> 00:49:22,442 Coopering! Hell! That's no life for a man! 490 00:49:22,661 --> 00:49:25,864 It is too. Barrels and casks are very important. 491 00:49:26,206 --> 00:49:28,614 - Now, in commerce... - Commerce! 492 00:49:29,042 --> 00:49:32,411 Rubbish! Now you listen to me. 493 00:49:32,671 --> 00:49:37,167 My knight was wounded, and there was I with my back to the wall... 494 00:49:37,384 --> 00:49:40,505 ...two great nuns coming at me with maces. 495 00:49:40,722 --> 00:49:45,680 - Fighting nuns isn't respectable... - Here, I'll show you! Come here! 496 00:49:45,893 --> 00:49:48,016 Now you try. Come at me. Put up! 497 00:49:48,229 --> 00:49:52,856 Pretend that drumstick is a mace. Oh, come on! 498 00:49:53,401 --> 00:49:55,559 Really let me have it. 499 00:49:55,778 --> 00:49:56,976 - Come on! - I can't. 500 00:49:57,321 --> 00:49:59,564 Go for me! I deflected the mace! 501 00:50:02,661 --> 00:50:05,366 Then I grabbed her like this! 502 00:50:05,581 --> 00:50:07,490 - Talk to the landlord. - What? 503 00:50:07,708 --> 00:50:10,709 Then I threw her again like this! 504 00:50:11,045 --> 00:50:13,370 - Distract him. - What for? 505 00:50:13,756 --> 00:50:17,089 She was tough, see, but I grabbed her in the old... 506 00:50:17,301 --> 00:50:19,924 - Keep him talking. - I don't understand. 507 00:50:20,264 --> 00:50:23,467 You will. Just do it! 508 00:50:23,684 --> 00:50:25,892 Now here comes the best part. 509 00:50:26,104 --> 00:50:30,932 She broke my grip. She was coming in for the kill... 510 00:50:31,151 --> 00:50:33,642 ...when I turned tail and ran for it. 511 00:50:33,862 --> 00:50:37,065 Slamming shut the castle doors, I barred them... 512 00:50:37,407 --> 00:50:41,738 ...grabbing one of the novices as a hostage. 513 00:50:42,372 --> 00:50:45,207 I fought my way up to the battlements... 514 00:50:45,416 --> 00:50:47,789 ...hacking and slashing as I went. 515 00:50:48,002 --> 00:50:51,454 All in tears, in cuts! 516 00:50:53,049 --> 00:50:57,343 Easily outdistancing the enemy, I escaped. 517 00:51:15,906 --> 00:51:18,694 Open this up! Open it up! 518 00:51:23,499 --> 00:51:24,744 What the hell? 519 00:51:29,672 --> 00:51:32,377 All right, men. Coming up right away. 520 00:51:33,635 --> 00:51:35,758 Let's have some decorum here. 521 00:51:49,194 --> 00:51:52,397 - What do you want? - Well, I was just wondering... 522 00:51:52,614 --> 00:51:56,398 - Speak up! I'm a busy man. - That's what I wanted to ask. 523 00:51:56,618 --> 00:52:00,154 I used to be a cooper's apprentice, and I was... 524 00:52:00,373 --> 00:52:03,124 Coming up. What is it? Spit it out. 525 00:52:03,334 --> 00:52:06,999 I wondered if you could tell me about the inn business. 526 00:52:07,213 --> 00:52:09,538 - I could change trades... - What, now? 527 00:52:09,757 --> 00:52:13,007 Mr. Rotcod, that party in the corner is waiting! 528 00:52:13,219 --> 00:52:16,422 Tell them it's coming up. Go away! I've no time. 529 00:52:16,639 --> 00:52:21,302 It would help if you put the ale over here and the mead over here. 530 00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:24,355 I noticed you're impairing efficiency by... 531 00:52:24,564 --> 00:52:26,439 Will you get out of my way? 532 00:52:27,443 --> 00:52:31,856 - Betty, come and give me a hand. - Your wife's not here. 533 00:52:32,073 --> 00:52:34,646 - Your wife? - Not here? 534 00:52:34,867 --> 00:52:37,869 Not here? Where is she? 535 00:52:38,914 --> 00:52:40,741 - She's... - She's what? 536 00:52:40,958 --> 00:52:42,998 I don't know. Maybe she's... 537 00:52:43,253 --> 00:52:47,582 And where's your friend, that loudmouthed squire? 538 00:52:49,217 --> 00:52:51,459 - What? - No. 539 00:52:51,678 --> 00:52:53,754 - No what? - They're not upstairs. 540 00:52:53,972 --> 00:52:57,556 I mean, they're not here. No, they're not here. 541 00:52:57,768 --> 00:53:00,176 What? 542 00:53:00,396 --> 00:53:02,638 You swine! 543 00:53:04,817 --> 00:53:07,854 I'm gonna kill him, then I'm gonna kill you! 544 00:53:08,112 --> 00:53:10,105 Right. 545 00:53:45,945 --> 00:53:47,605 You toad! 546 00:53:51,743 --> 00:53:54,697 Right! What's all this? 547 00:53:54,913 --> 00:53:58,994 Brawling in the public streets. Disturbing the king's peace? 548 00:53:59,210 --> 00:54:01,701 This man... My wife... Let go of me. 549 00:54:01,921 --> 00:54:04,922 All right, hold him, Fred. Now young fellow... 550 00:54:05,133 --> 00:54:07,706 Here, I know you! 551 00:54:07,927 --> 00:54:11,047 It was him who tried to get in the other day. 552 00:54:11,305 --> 00:54:15,255 - My wife and the squire... - The dungeon will sort them out. 553 00:54:15,477 --> 00:54:19,807 Right. Then we can put irons on their legs, eh? 554 00:54:20,024 --> 00:54:21,518 - But... - You can't! 555 00:54:21,775 --> 00:54:25,227 Destroy the monster? 556 00:54:25,446 --> 00:54:28,815 If you destroy the monster, you destroy the city. 557 00:54:29,158 --> 00:54:32,492 The long term will show that we owe the monster... 558 00:54:32,704 --> 00:54:36,454 ...a period of prosperity unprecedented in this kingdom. 559 00:54:36,709 --> 00:54:40,078 This is ridiculous. The tournament must continue. 560 00:54:40,296 --> 00:54:42,039 A champion must be chosen. 561 00:54:42,256 --> 00:54:45,293 Bruno, the merchants may be prospering... 562 00:54:45,551 --> 00:54:50,178 ...but your kingdom's collapsing. - Oh, yes. Oh, well... 563 00:54:50,389 --> 00:54:52,596 Now hear this! 564 00:54:53,601 --> 00:54:57,980 The king, that flower of chivalry, that prince of monarchs... 565 00:54:58,191 --> 00:55:01,690 ...that paragon of potentates, is going to speak. 566 00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:04,811 Hear the wisdom, witness the wit... 567 00:55:05,031 --> 00:55:10,820 ...observe the oratorical eloquence, lend an ear. 568 00:55:11,037 --> 00:55:12,235 Beautifully said. 569 00:55:12,497 --> 00:55:15,949 - To the mellow voice, the tender tones... 570 00:55:16,210 --> 00:55:19,377 ...the coruscating consonants... 571 00:55:19,713 --> 00:55:23,213 ...of His Majesty, King Bruno. 572 00:55:24,385 --> 00:55:26,093 Very lovely. Well, l... 573 00:55:26,303 --> 00:55:29,755 - who is going to give it to you straight... 574 00:55:30,015 --> 00:55:33,432 ...clarify the conundrums, dazzle us with logic. 575 00:55:34,272 --> 00:55:36,845 My lords, Your Grace... 576 00:55:37,066 --> 00:55:39,984 ...Your Honour, the king! 577 00:55:41,612 --> 00:55:43,320 Oh! Oh, yes. 578 00:55:43,573 --> 00:55:48,780 Bishop, how can you, a man of God, say that the beast is good? 579 00:55:49,037 --> 00:55:51,907 I welcome your question. 580 00:55:52,665 --> 00:55:55,240 Indeed it may seem paradoxical... 581 00:55:56,337 --> 00:56:00,749 ...but since the advent of the beast, church attendance has tripled! 582 00:56:00,966 --> 00:56:06,637 Tithing has increased. Long lines of sinners wait eagerly for confession. 583 00:56:06,848 --> 00:56:09,849 - Piety has never been higher. - Oh, bravo. 584 00:56:11,269 --> 00:56:15,019 - Well, my lord bishop... - Oh, yes. 585 00:56:15,232 --> 00:56:19,859 The king will speak. The king. 586 00:56:20,071 --> 00:56:21,695 Thank you. 587 00:56:23,407 --> 00:56:25,483 - Guard! - Sire. 588 00:56:25,701 --> 00:56:27,326 - Kill that man. - Sire. 589 00:56:27,536 --> 00:56:30,206 What? Who? 590 00:56:30,915 --> 00:56:33,786 Anyway, the most potent... 591 00:56:35,380 --> 00:56:37,456 ...most poetical... 592 00:56:37,715 --> 00:56:39,340 ...most prestigious... 593 00:56:44,138 --> 00:56:47,638 Well, Your Majesty, what is your opinion? 594 00:56:48,518 --> 00:56:51,721 - Give us guidance. - Even a hint. 595 00:56:51,938 --> 00:56:53,481 I think... 596 00:56:57,215 --> 00:57:00,002 What's that? What's going on here? 597 00:57:00,343 --> 00:57:03,013 Just one moment. 598 00:57:09,853 --> 00:57:11,644 What's going on here? 599 00:57:11,855 --> 00:57:15,605 Who dares sully my castle with unseemly brawls? 600 00:57:15,819 --> 00:57:17,859 Guards, bring them in! 601 00:57:18,780 --> 00:57:21,152 We'll show them who's king here. 602 00:57:21,408 --> 00:57:26,153 - But we have important matters... - Important matters, Passelewe? 603 00:57:26,371 --> 00:57:30,286 Surely keeping the peace in my own castle is important. 604 00:57:30,500 --> 00:57:32,708 First things first! 605 00:57:39,053 --> 00:57:42,089 They'll taste the king's justice. 606 00:57:43,265 --> 00:57:44,724 Put me down! 607 00:57:52,776 --> 00:57:53,938 Silence! 608 00:57:56,863 --> 00:57:58,405 Silence! 609 00:57:59,199 --> 00:58:01,026 Now what's this all about? 610 00:58:01,368 --> 00:58:04,819 - The squire! Behind my back! - Calm, my man. 611 00:58:05,038 --> 00:58:08,407 Remember you're in the presence of your king. 612 00:58:08,625 --> 00:58:10,534 Guards, let him go. 613 00:58:12,046 --> 00:58:13,327 Let him speak. 614 00:58:13,965 --> 00:58:16,716 Your Majesty, this man... 615 00:58:17,009 --> 00:58:18,753 This man... 616 00:58:20,763 --> 00:58:24,216 - What's going on here? - Look out, sire! Get down! 617 00:58:37,115 --> 00:58:39,274 - Hold it! - Get him! 618 00:58:54,676 --> 00:58:56,254 This is outrageous! 619 00:58:58,388 --> 00:59:01,840 - Weren't there two of them to start? - Yes, sir. 620 00:59:02,517 --> 00:59:06,136 - Where's the other one got to? - I don't know, sir. 621 00:59:12,487 --> 00:59:17,065 Right. Then it falls upon us to find this man guilty. 622 00:59:18,409 --> 00:59:21,529 Guilty? Guilty of what, sire? 623 00:59:22,372 --> 00:59:23,747 Cannibalism. 624 00:59:34,094 --> 00:59:37,130 - Keep your eyes peeled. - Right. 625 00:59:38,473 --> 00:59:41,428 Quick, down this way! 626 01:00:23,354 --> 01:00:27,020 - Check up there. - No. Come on! 627 01:00:37,077 --> 01:00:39,285 A man! 628 01:00:39,498 --> 01:00:41,158 Watch the princess! 629 01:00:42,709 --> 01:00:45,996 - A man! - At last you've come! 630 01:00:50,177 --> 01:00:52,798 - I'm sorry, barging in... - Don't be shy. 631 01:00:53,013 --> 01:00:54,757 I knew you'd come someday. 632 01:00:54,973 --> 01:00:58,888 - I was coming up the stairs... - Put this on. You turn around! 633 01:00:59,269 --> 01:01:03,599 - I don't want to bother... - You must have travelled far to come. 634 01:01:03,816 --> 01:01:07,730 Swum rivers, climbed mountains, fought battles. 635 01:01:07,945 --> 01:01:10,069 You can turn around now. 636 01:01:12,325 --> 01:01:15,659 There. Do I come up to your expectations? 637 01:01:15,870 --> 01:01:18,741 Do you find me beautiful? 638 01:01:19,082 --> 01:01:20,742 Oh, yes. Thank you. 639 01:01:21,126 --> 01:01:24,376 Oh, come, my prince. Don't be shy. 640 01:01:24,629 --> 01:01:27,749 But I can't. I'm not dressed for the occasion. 641 01:01:27,966 --> 01:01:29,165 Tush. 642 01:01:30,177 --> 01:01:34,127 You mustn't worry about those filthy peasant rags... 643 01:01:34,390 --> 01:01:37,676 ...which you were no doubt forced to don. 644 01:01:38,185 --> 01:01:42,017 Soon we'll have you attired once more in princely finery. 645 01:01:42,231 --> 01:01:44,983 No. You see, there's been some mistake. 646 01:01:45,192 --> 01:01:47,982 - My name is Dennis. - Prince Dennis. 647 01:01:48,197 --> 01:01:52,944 - No, Dennis Cooper. I used to be... - Your face. You're wounded. 648 01:01:53,162 --> 01:01:56,780 - No, it's nothing. Just a bruise. - Just a bruise? 649 01:01:56,999 --> 01:01:59,205 How brave you are, my prince... 650 01:01:59,418 --> 01:02:02,953 ...for surely it must have been a terrible blow. 651 01:02:03,172 --> 01:02:04,999 No, an innkeeper sat on me. 652 01:02:05,216 --> 01:02:07,255 You see, he thought... 653 01:02:07,468 --> 01:02:10,719 Well, this squire, you see, his wife... 654 01:02:10,931 --> 01:02:14,264 What, the innkeeper's wife was a squire? 655 01:02:14,476 --> 01:02:17,892 I've been dreaming of this day for so long... 656 01:02:18,104 --> 01:02:23,099 ...but little did I expect one so brave and valiant and wise... 657 01:02:23,318 --> 01:02:26,604 ...one who's crossed the seven seas for me... 658 01:02:26,822 --> 01:02:31,900 ...and galloped across deserts and canyons to be by my side at last. 659 01:02:32,120 --> 01:02:33,993 - My love. - Come. 660 01:02:35,123 --> 01:02:37,032 Tell me of your adventures. 661 01:02:37,291 --> 01:02:40,743 We must get to know each other before we're married. 662 01:02:40,962 --> 01:02:45,209 Married? No, I'm sorry, miss. I can't do that. 663 01:02:45,425 --> 01:02:50,421 Can't? My prince, did I hear you right? 664 01:02:51,099 --> 01:02:56,058 - It's very kind of you to ask... - No, don't tell me. I know. 665 01:02:56,355 --> 01:02:57,849 - I know. - You know? 666 01:02:58,065 --> 01:03:04,150 In your adventures, you rescued a maiden chained to a dark cliff. 667 01:03:04,363 --> 01:03:08,065 - No, not exactly. - She fell in love. You fell in love. 668 01:03:08,285 --> 01:03:14,074 There and then before the gods, you made a pact only death could break. 669 01:03:14,333 --> 01:03:16,824 - No, you're on the wrong tack. - Come. 670 01:03:17,169 --> 01:03:19,956 You must not linger in idle conversation. 671 01:03:20,714 --> 01:03:23,631 You gained entry to the castle by stealth... 672 01:03:23,842 --> 01:03:27,294 ...and now you must leave in the same way. 673 01:03:27,513 --> 01:03:28,889 I know. 674 01:03:29,182 --> 01:03:32,385 Sister Jessica, give your habit to the prince. 675 01:03:32,727 --> 01:03:35,479 - My habit, princess? - Yes, and hurry. 676 01:03:35,688 --> 01:03:38,773 But what's wrong with Sister Marian's habit? 677 01:03:39,067 --> 01:03:41,392 Don't be silly. Here. 678 01:03:45,990 --> 01:03:48,909 Now, my prince, this is the plan. 679 01:03:49,870 --> 01:03:53,323 Tomorrow is St. Talulah's Day, and by first light... 680 01:03:53,542 --> 01:03:57,242 ...a nun must depart this city and lay fresh dogwort... 681 01:03:57,462 --> 01:04:02,041 ...on the spot where St. Talulah was murdered by the Benslow Four. 682 01:04:04,303 --> 01:04:07,554 You shall be that nun. Sister Jessica? 683 01:04:09,226 --> 01:04:10,886 Sister Jessica. 684 01:04:13,397 --> 01:04:17,062 - Well, give it to the prince. - Thank you, Sister... 685 01:04:22,114 --> 01:04:24,652 Then, proceed to the western wall... 686 01:04:24,950 --> 01:04:27,193 ...but by the back streets only! 687 01:04:27,412 --> 01:04:29,701 When you get to the gate, say: 688 01:04:29,914 --> 01:04:33,081 "I have the holy dogwort for St. Talulah's spot. 689 01:04:33,293 --> 01:04:36,709 Let me pass that I might pray awhile." 690 01:04:42,594 --> 01:04:44,919 Oh, my prince. 691 01:04:45,931 --> 01:04:48,469 - Is this yours? - Yes. No! 692 01:04:48,726 --> 01:04:51,431 Please let me have it. 693 01:04:51,645 --> 01:04:55,940 Let me have it as a souvenir of our hopeless, flawless love. 694 01:04:56,193 --> 01:04:58,518 - I'll cherish it always. - I can't... 695 01:04:58,737 --> 01:05:01,358 And now, my prince, you must flee! 696 01:05:01,573 --> 01:05:04,360 No! No, don't kiss me. 697 01:05:04,576 --> 01:05:07,282 - I couldn't stand it. - I wasn't going to. 698 01:05:07,497 --> 01:05:08,576 Just go. 699 01:05:08,790 --> 01:05:11,460 Just go, my prince. 700 01:05:11,669 --> 01:05:13,211 And remember: 701 01:05:13,420 --> 01:05:17,881 "I have the holy dogwort for St. Talulah's spot." 702 01:05:18,092 --> 01:05:20,583 In Latin, my love. 703 01:06:03,098 --> 01:06:04,891 - Evening, Sister. - Evening. 704 01:06:30,462 --> 01:06:32,419 What have we got here? 705 01:06:32,672 --> 01:06:35,080 A strange face? 706 01:06:35,300 --> 01:06:37,708 And a pretty one. 707 01:06:37,928 --> 01:06:41,344 Well, now, let's have a look. Let's have a kiss! 708 01:06:41,556 --> 01:06:44,843 - Come on, sarge. She's a nun. - So she is. 709 01:06:45,395 --> 01:06:49,143 Let's have a Christian kiss. 710 01:06:55,029 --> 01:07:00,107 - What's the matter, sarge? - Put me to bed, boys. Put me to bed. 711 01:07:11,345 --> 01:07:16,257 - It's the devil in the guise of a nun! - It's a nun in the guise of the devil! 712 01:07:16,476 --> 01:07:17,638 - Get her! - Get him! 713 01:07:17,852 --> 01:07:19,892 Get them both! 714 01:07:20,146 --> 01:07:24,726 Citizens! A sacrifice must be made to the monster... 715 01:07:24,943 --> 01:07:28,360 ...that lurks in the darkness in wait for us all! 716 01:07:28,740 --> 01:07:33,616 And what better than to sacrifice one of the beast's own servants... 717 01:07:33,953 --> 01:07:38,699 ...whom we caught masquerading as a holy sister of the Mother Church? 718 01:07:44,131 --> 01:07:47,251 We will fire him into the eternal darkness... 719 01:07:47,593 --> 01:07:51,721 ...as a testimony to our piety and godliness. 720 01:07:54,058 --> 01:07:57,557 Imagine his agony as the flames rise higher... 721 01:07:57,937 --> 01:08:01,271 ...higher until he is but a ball of living fire! 722 01:08:01,525 --> 01:08:02,806 Oh, the agony! 723 01:08:03,736 --> 01:08:07,686 Imagine his horror as the mighty ballistic device... 724 01:08:07,907 --> 01:08:12,071 ...hurls him high into the depths of the blackened sky! 725 01:08:12,412 --> 01:08:15,366 Are you imagining the horror? 726 01:08:15,623 --> 01:08:18,826 Imagine the terror of his suspense... 727 01:08:19,127 --> 01:08:21,748 ...as our poor sacrifice waits... 728 01:08:22,005 --> 01:08:28,091 ...for the darkling earth to rise up and crush him to its harsh bosom! 729 01:08:28,429 --> 01:08:30,220 Oh, the suspense! 730 01:08:30,556 --> 01:08:33,889 - The incertitude! - Oh, the incertitude! 731 01:08:34,101 --> 01:08:35,560 I like suspense. 732 01:08:35,896 --> 01:08:38,268 Imagine his final horror... 733 01:08:38,523 --> 01:08:41,477 ...as his miserable life is snuffed out... 734 01:08:41,736 --> 01:08:45,734 ...in a glorious bone-crushing cascade of phosphorescence... 735 01:08:45,948 --> 01:08:51,191 ...as he finally, agonizingly smashes into the ground! 736 01:08:55,249 --> 01:09:00,291 - That's not fair, that. - No, it's definitely not fair. 737 01:09:00,505 --> 01:09:01,751 What's not fair? 738 01:09:02,007 --> 01:09:05,673 - How come he gets to go? - Why should he have the pain? 739 01:09:05,929 --> 01:09:09,049 And that bone-crushing horror. I want to go! 740 01:09:09,307 --> 01:09:11,383 - I want to go! - I want to burn. 741 01:09:11,601 --> 01:09:15,219 I want to feel my bones burst into a billion pieces! 742 01:09:15,438 --> 01:09:18,225 I want to trace across the firmament... 743 01:09:18,441 --> 01:09:20,398 ...a glowing ball of flame... 744 01:09:20,610 --> 01:09:24,312 ...a testament to our godliness and piety! 745 01:09:24,532 --> 01:09:28,197 - What does that mean? - I don't know, but I want it! 746 01:09:28,411 --> 01:09:29,869 I want it! 747 01:09:41,174 --> 01:09:44,176 - Hot! - Fire! 748 01:09:53,062 --> 01:09:55,684 Nice. 749 01:10:00,487 --> 01:10:04,022 Another glorious day for a tournament, eh, Passelewe? 750 01:10:04,241 --> 01:10:06,199 I suppose so, Your Majesty. 751 01:10:07,120 --> 01:10:08,662 You suppose so? 752 01:10:08,872 --> 01:10:10,580 Suppose so? 753 01:10:10,790 --> 01:10:14,409 Buck up, man. Buck up. It's tournament time! 754 01:10:15,378 --> 01:10:16,789 Certainly, Majesty. 755 01:10:17,297 --> 01:10:22,375 But I can't but think there must be a better way to choose a champion. 756 01:10:22,595 --> 01:10:27,138 A better way? What better than the shattering of lances? 757 01:10:27,350 --> 01:10:30,683 The flailing of the mace? The thrust of swords? 758 01:10:30,895 --> 01:10:33,386 The ring of fauchon en cuissard? 759 01:10:33,606 --> 01:10:39,727 What better way than an honest tournament, Passelewe? Yes. 760 01:10:41,156 --> 01:10:44,905 My dear, how beautiful you look. 761 01:10:47,287 --> 01:10:48,995 Yes. 762 01:10:51,333 --> 01:10:55,332 - What on earth is that? - But, Dad... 763 01:10:57,799 --> 01:10:59,341 Daddy! 764 01:11:16,862 --> 01:11:19,567 Look at that! Did you see that? 765 01:11:19,782 --> 01:11:25,203 Right in the middle of the old demi-brassarts. Jolly good. Bravo! 766 01:11:25,413 --> 01:11:28,996 Another one on the maimed list. Probably dead by now. 767 01:11:29,208 --> 01:11:31,996 A scratch. Plenty more where he came from. 768 01:11:32,211 --> 01:11:34,584 Not really, sire. 769 01:11:34,797 --> 01:11:38,712 What do you mean, Passelewe, "Not really, sire"? 770 01:11:38,927 --> 01:11:42,842 Now, which part of this is giving you difficulty? 771 01:11:43,057 --> 01:11:46,757 Well, all of it, frankly. What do you mean by it? 772 01:11:46,977 --> 01:11:53,146 I mean by saying "Not really, sire," the true situation is likely to be... 773 01:11:53,359 --> 01:11:55,565 ...ipso facto, to the contrary... 774 01:11:55,778 --> 01:11:59,361 ...and the exact opposite to that which you perceive. 775 01:11:59,574 --> 01:12:03,703 I appended, because, after all, you are the king, aren't you? 776 01:12:03,913 --> 01:12:07,364 And that's a reasonable way of addressing a monarch. 777 01:12:07,583 --> 01:12:10,419 - Daddy. - What is it, darling? 778 01:12:10,629 --> 01:12:13,998 - What is it? - Look at that brute of a knight. 779 01:12:14,216 --> 01:12:20,884 - I couldn't marry anything like that. - Of course not. You won't have to. 780 01:12:21,099 --> 01:12:23,257 He won't... 781 01:12:25,895 --> 01:12:28,102 ...win. 782 01:12:29,649 --> 01:12:32,816 Passelewe, what were we discussing a moment ago? 783 01:12:33,027 --> 01:12:38,105 - The toll of your knights, sire. - Now, just a moment, Passelewe. 784 01:12:38,325 --> 01:12:43,949 You used that "sire" for the same reason you used it in the first place? 785 01:12:44,165 --> 01:12:46,038 - Right. - Right. 786 01:12:46,250 --> 01:12:47,993 - I thought so. - Right. 787 01:12:48,210 --> 01:12:53,205 According to my records, 65% of the knights of your realm... 788 01:12:53,424 --> 01:12:56,627 ...have been killed or maimed in the tournament. 789 01:12:56,886 --> 01:13:01,134 Passelewe, that's no figure at all. No figure at all. 790 01:13:01,349 --> 01:13:07,933 Now, if it was 83.3% or 97.4%, now that is a true percentage... 791 01:13:08,148 --> 01:13:11,814 ...in the truest sense. - My dearest Bruno, do listen. 792 01:13:12,029 --> 01:13:15,896 If this continues, even until the end of the week, where... 793 01:13:16,116 --> 01:13:17,611 - Hold it! - What? 794 01:13:17,827 --> 01:13:20,994 This one I must see. 795 01:13:24,959 --> 01:13:27,830 There must be a better way of choosing. 796 01:13:31,383 --> 01:13:35,332 Ethel? Is that you, Ethel? 797 01:13:35,553 --> 01:13:38,888 I wondered what happened to you last night. 798 01:13:39,141 --> 01:13:41,811 Can't talk. Due in the lists in 10 minutes. 799 01:13:42,019 --> 01:13:44,689 I'm coming, Mother. 800 01:13:47,274 --> 01:13:50,643 Watch where you're getting the blood! Christ! 801 01:13:50,945 --> 01:13:55,571 - How else can we choose a champion? - We could call an election. 802 01:13:55,825 --> 01:14:01,864 Election? Oh, no. Nonsense. It wouldn't be fair to the knights. 803 01:14:02,082 --> 01:14:07,207 - They could draw lots. - Draw lots? 804 01:14:08,588 --> 01:14:13,831 Bless my soul. You might as well do it dip, dip, dip, my little ship... 805 01:14:14,052 --> 01:14:17,259 ...or one potato, two potatoes. 806 01:14:17,517 --> 01:14:21,182 Or even hide and seek. 807 01:14:22,480 --> 01:14:27,475 48, 49, 50! 808 01:14:27,736 --> 01:14:29,942 Coming! 809 01:14:35,952 --> 01:14:38,954 The cardinal said, "I asked for 13 vergers. 810 01:14:39,207 --> 01:14:43,074 Why have you brought me 13 virgins?" 811 01:14:43,336 --> 01:14:47,914 Now, we're in the garden and a thousand voices said as one man: 812 01:14:48,132 --> 01:14:52,675 "Ave, ave, passed through this way." 813 01:14:54,222 --> 01:14:57,473 Ave, ave, what? 814 01:14:58,102 --> 01:15:01,102 - Why do I need to say ave? - Just sit back... 815 01:15:01,313 --> 01:15:04,764 ...and let something nice happen to you for a change. 816 01:15:04,983 --> 01:15:09,028 Looks like they've chosen a champion. Can you see who it is? 817 01:15:13,617 --> 01:15:16,620 It's my boss. Christ. 818 01:15:16,956 --> 01:15:20,455 Well, congratulations, sire. We have a champion. 819 01:15:20,668 --> 01:15:23,159 Good. Where is he? 820 01:15:23,421 --> 01:15:25,829 They haven't found him yet. 821 01:15:26,049 --> 01:15:30,427 - Is that good? - Yes. That's what makes him a champion. 822 01:15:30,929 --> 01:15:33,135 I see. 823 01:15:38,438 --> 01:15:41,474 They will find him, won't they? 824 01:15:44,777 --> 01:15:49,155 - You must be very proud. - Proud, you shit? Shit! 825 01:15:49,365 --> 01:15:53,197 - Isn't that a great honour? - Maybe he'll get the honour. 826 01:15:53,453 --> 01:15:58,579 I'll get a dragon's tooth up my bum and a shilling-a-year pension. 827 01:15:58,792 --> 01:16:05,246 I'll have to sit vigil with him all night as well. Christ, what luck! 828 01:16:06,717 --> 01:16:10,216 I promised my body to a woman tonight. 829 01:16:10,429 --> 01:16:14,427 Maybe I could go and tell the lady that... 830 01:16:17,896 --> 01:16:20,269 Wait a minute. Maybe you could do it. 831 01:16:20,483 --> 01:16:23,235 Certainly I could. I'll tell the lady... 832 01:16:23,444 --> 01:16:28,189 - No, no, not that. Sit the vigil. - Me? 833 01:16:28,407 --> 01:16:32,619 I could give you my hat, my cape. 834 01:16:32,829 --> 01:16:35,500 Just keep your head down. He'll never know. 835 01:16:35,708 --> 01:16:39,576 - I can't do that. It's not right. - Who'll know? Come on! 836 01:16:49,264 --> 01:16:52,015 - A beast! - Here I am. 837 01:16:52,225 --> 01:16:54,468 Oh, not you! 838 01:16:57,606 --> 01:16:59,682 Forget it. 839 01:17:57,296 --> 01:18:01,626 - Squire? What squire? - You know what squire. 840 01:18:01,842 --> 01:18:06,837 Oh, my rheumatism. That cell was so damp. Two whole nights. 841 01:18:07,098 --> 01:18:09,174 Oh, you poor dear. 842 01:18:09,392 --> 01:18:12,892 Come, let me undress you and put you to bed. 843 01:18:13,105 --> 01:18:16,474 It must have been an awful experience. 844 01:18:16,733 --> 01:18:18,525 It was. 845 01:18:18,735 --> 01:18:23,979 Oh, Betty. Your hands are so soft and warm. 846 01:18:24,242 --> 01:18:29,367 You don't really think there was a squire up here in our bed, do you? 847 01:18:29,622 --> 01:18:34,001 - Well... - Do you? Come, let me take those off. 848 01:18:34,211 --> 01:18:36,667 And that. 849 01:18:37,214 --> 01:18:40,001 Doesn't that feel better? 850 01:18:42,136 --> 01:18:45,836 Bernard, my darling. 851 01:18:59,489 --> 01:19:00,983 Come. 852 01:19:31,231 --> 01:19:33,106 Citizens... 853 01:19:33,359 --> 01:19:35,897 ...nobles... 854 01:19:36,195 --> 01:19:38,022 ...gentry! 855 01:19:38,280 --> 01:19:40,403 The king. 856 01:19:41,867 --> 01:19:43,659 Me? Oh, yes. 857 01:19:47,581 --> 01:19:53,206 Good Sir Knight, you have proved your worth on the field of honour. 858 01:19:57,927 --> 01:20:01,592 And now you must prove yourself in mortal combat... 859 01:20:01,848 --> 01:20:06,759 ...with a monster so terrifying, so awe-inspiring, so horrible... 860 01:20:07,020 --> 01:20:12,062 ...so soul-destroying that even I would hesitate... 861 01:20:13,027 --> 01:20:17,024 ...to meet it face to face... 862 01:20:17,281 --> 01:20:22,109 ...in hand-to-hand combat. Was that all right? 863 01:20:22,828 --> 01:20:25,200 Well, I suppose so, my darling. 864 01:20:26,290 --> 01:20:30,621 And so, go forth and slay the beast. 865 01:20:32,548 --> 01:20:36,795 And take with you the royal blessings... 866 01:20:37,053 --> 01:20:42,427 ...and also the blessings of Mother Church. 867 01:20:44,060 --> 01:20:45,969 Bishop! 868 01:21:05,332 --> 01:21:08,702 - Get out of here! - Bloody sods! 869 01:21:42,707 --> 01:21:45,280 - Is that all? - That's it. 870 01:21:50,799 --> 01:21:53,753 Right. Herald? 871 01:21:55,262 --> 01:21:58,133 Have the gates opened. 872 01:21:59,975 --> 01:22:02,513 Well, carry on! 873 01:22:03,437 --> 01:22:05,845 Open the gates! 874 01:22:22,333 --> 01:22:24,409 Fare well. 875 01:22:26,879 --> 01:22:28,457 Wait! 876 01:22:36,057 --> 01:22:39,224 He took his vorpal sword in hand 877 01:22:39,435 --> 01:22:43,101 Long time the manxome foe he sought 878 01:22:43,690 --> 01:22:47,639 So rested he by the Tumtum tree 879 01:22:47,861 --> 01:22:51,480 And stood awhile in thought 880 01:22:52,116 --> 01:22:55,200 And as in uffish thought he stood 881 01:22:55,411 --> 01:22:58,744 The Jabberwock, with eyes aflame 882 01:22:58,956 --> 01:23:02,621 Came whiffling through the tulgey wood 883 01:23:02,835 --> 01:23:06,749 And burbled as it came 884 01:23:07,673 --> 01:23:09,667 Lance. 885 01:23:10,385 --> 01:23:13,635 Lance, lance. 886 01:23:32,576 --> 01:23:35,114 Come on. Come on. 887 01:24:11,910 --> 01:24:13,702 Griselda. 888 01:24:17,583 --> 01:24:20,583 Go get them, boys! 889 01:24:25,632 --> 01:24:28,171 Monster? Monster? 890 01:24:31,307 --> 01:24:33,714 Where monster? 891 01:24:38,356 --> 01:24:40,479 There he is! 892 01:24:43,278 --> 01:24:46,445 Don't let him get away. 893 01:24:47,241 --> 01:24:50,159 Monster? Monster? 894 01:25:14,895 --> 01:25:17,766 I am here, Griselda. Fear not. 895 01:25:18,023 --> 01:25:23,777 Gee, a knight! I never saw a knight before. 896 01:25:25,009 --> 01:25:27,217 Oh, Mr. Fishfinger! 897 01:25:27,471 --> 01:25:29,962 Oh, stop dribbling, woman. 898 01:25:30,182 --> 01:25:35,389 Oh, bless you. O noble lad. Oh, thank you. 899 01:25:35,604 --> 01:25:38,523 Stand aside, Mrs. Fishfinger. 900 01:25:43,114 --> 01:25:45,071 Sorry. Are you all right? 901 01:25:45,784 --> 01:25:48,322 You almost cut my arm off! 902 01:25:48,579 --> 01:25:53,537 You always were a clumsy one, Dennis Cooper. 903 01:25:53,792 --> 01:25:55,999 Shame on you! 904 01:25:56,211 --> 01:25:59,995 Get out! Jesus! 905 01:26:00,257 --> 01:26:03,756 I could get blood poisoning. Was that sword sterilized? 906 01:26:03,969 --> 01:26:08,513 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'll bind it up. I'll get bandages. 907 01:26:08,767 --> 01:26:10,806 Jesus. Get off! 908 01:26:12,479 --> 01:26:14,352 Dad! 909 01:26:15,190 --> 01:26:18,107 - What? - Look. 910 01:26:23,239 --> 01:26:26,076 Good Sir Knight. Good Sir Knight. 911 01:26:26,285 --> 01:26:30,864 We're so grateful to you for rescuing us from those foul fiends. 912 01:26:31,123 --> 01:26:33,330 Upsy-daisy. 913 01:26:34,460 --> 01:26:36,499 Very gracious of you, Sir Knight. 914 01:26:36,712 --> 01:26:41,374 We're very undeserving, really. We're just humble fisher folk. 915 01:26:41,592 --> 01:26:44,548 However, we do have this maiden daughter. 916 01:26:44,764 --> 01:26:46,674 As there is this custom... 917 01:26:46,892 --> 01:26:51,056 ...the knight quite often marries the maiden he's rescued. 918 01:26:51,272 --> 01:26:53,809 Say hello to the knight, Griselda honey. 919 01:26:54,066 --> 01:26:56,604 It was me that rescued you. 920 01:26:56,860 --> 01:27:00,728 Will you clear off? What do you say, Sir Knight? 921 01:27:01,115 --> 01:27:03,154 Good Sir Knight. 922 01:27:10,959 --> 01:27:13,035 - Well? - Hark. Be gone. 923 01:27:13,253 --> 01:27:15,578 - Wait! - Come back here! 924 01:27:15,839 --> 01:27:18,626 Sir Knight, come back, please! 925 01:27:18,842 --> 01:27:23,089 Griselda. Mr. Fishfinger. I've got to go. Sorry about your hand. 926 01:27:23,346 --> 01:27:24,676 It hurts! 927 01:27:24,932 --> 01:27:27,767 I've missed you. I've kept your potato. 928 01:27:27,977 --> 01:27:29,601 Bye! 929 01:27:30,479 --> 01:27:33,646 You really are a big disappointment to me. 930 01:27:33,900 --> 01:27:36,936 I thought you were gonna make something of yourself. 931 01:27:37,195 --> 01:27:39,436 He is the king's champion! 932 01:27:39,697 --> 01:27:44,775 Call yourself an eligible suitor for our fair Griselda? You're a vagrant! 933 01:27:44,996 --> 01:27:47,404 Hold him, Madge. Hold him! 934 01:27:47,624 --> 01:27:49,996 You leave her alone. Leave her alone. 935 01:27:54,632 --> 01:27:56,671 Go on! 936 01:28:35,633 --> 01:28:37,507 Someone at the door, dear. 937 01:28:38,344 --> 01:28:40,752 - We must make up our minds. - Gentlemen! 938 01:28:40,972 --> 01:28:43,642 - We can't delay. - Let's do something. 939 01:28:43,851 --> 01:28:46,555 This king's champion must be stopped. 940 01:28:46,770 --> 01:28:49,772 The monster must be protected. 941 01:28:49,983 --> 01:28:53,233 If he kills the monster, we'll all be ruined. 942 01:28:53,445 --> 01:28:55,105 Let me prevail upon you. 943 01:28:55,322 --> 01:29:01,574 No more argy-bargy is necessary because I have a plan. 944 01:29:07,461 --> 01:29:11,458 Behold! The Black Knight. 945 01:29:13,508 --> 01:29:15,382 Wonderful! 946 01:30:15,075 --> 01:30:16,902 We must be getting closer. 947 01:31:29,239 --> 01:31:31,991 Grease. Grease. 948 01:31:55,350 --> 01:31:57,473 Now that. 949 01:32:59,212 --> 01:33:01,335 Get him. 950 01:38:34,909 --> 01:38:38,029 And hast thou slain the Jabberwock? 951 01:38:38,246 --> 01:38:41,615 Come to my arms, my beamish boy 952 01:38:41,833 --> 01:38:45,367 - Oh, frabjous day! - The monster's dead! 953 01:38:45,586 --> 01:38:48,124 The monster's dead! 954 01:39:22,461 --> 01:39:26,161 Stop! No one's to enter the city unless they have money. 955 01:39:26,381 --> 01:39:28,623 Stop, I say! 956 01:39:42,899 --> 01:39:45,105 Oh, my God! 957 01:39:47,320 --> 01:39:50,523 Cancel those shipments of wine, grain, straw! 958 01:39:50,740 --> 01:39:52,698 Cancel everything! 959 01:40:06,507 --> 01:40:11,964 - Dennis, here she is. Griselda! - Here I am. 960 01:40:13,056 --> 01:40:14,931 It's me! 961 01:40:17,395 --> 01:40:19,684 Dennis, it was always you! 962 01:40:19,897 --> 01:40:22,104 You's the one we was pushing for. 963 01:40:22,316 --> 01:40:25,437 We'll have the wedding tomorrow. This afternoon. 964 01:40:25,654 --> 01:40:28,026 We'll get the bishop. 965 01:40:29,116 --> 01:40:30,990 Dennis, you're wonderful. 966 01:40:31,201 --> 01:40:36,160 Griselda, at last we can have the life we always wanted. 967 01:41:06,614 --> 01:41:09,401 My boy, congratulations. 968 01:41:09,617 --> 01:41:12,287 We offer you our heartfelt thanks. 969 01:41:12,579 --> 01:41:15,783 You have cleared the kingdom of a great menace. 970 01:41:16,042 --> 01:41:22,923 I am happy to fulfill my promise and to bestow upon you... 971 01:41:23,132 --> 01:41:25,505 - What's his name? - It's Dennis. 972 01:41:25,718 --> 01:41:29,846 Dennis Cooper, Your Royalshipness. That's his fiancée, my daughter. 973 01:41:30,056 --> 01:41:32,216 You, Dennis... 974 01:41:32,435 --> 01:41:35,602 ...one half of my entire kingdom. 975 01:41:38,233 --> 01:41:42,942 And the hand in marriage of my daughter, the princess. 976 01:41:43,154 --> 01:41:46,737 Come, my boy. To the palace! 977 01:41:50,413 --> 01:41:52,452 Griselda! 978 01:41:53,583 --> 01:41:56,370 I pronounce you man and wife. 979 01:41:56,586 --> 01:41:59,540 Prince and princess! 980 01:42:16,273 --> 01:42:18,231 Dennis! 981 01:42:19,235 --> 01:42:21,109 Griselda! 982 01:42:24,032 --> 01:42:28,445 Whose idea was it to run him off without a wedding? Shut up! 983 01:42:40,300 --> 01:42:42,277 Look out, sire!