1
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,284
How are the numbers?

2
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,532
Incredible.

3
00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:48,121
Absolutely incredible.

4
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,416
Congratulations.

5
00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:55,961
I'm leaving you.

6
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,134
Did you hear what I said?

7
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,224
I'm leaving you.

8
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,771
Yeah, I heard. Yeah. Yeah.

9
00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,852
I'm not kidding.
I know.

10
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:19,576
Look, I think it's an excellent decision on your part.

11
00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:21,904
You do?

12
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,203
You're a fantastic person,

13
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:29,877
and the last year's been great, really.

14
00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:32,672
You're beautiful.

15
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,174
The sex has been wonderful.

16
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,503
You're kind and supportive.

17
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:41,340
You wait for me with dinner when lwork late.
You're amazing.

18
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,927
And it's driving me out of my fucking mind!

19
00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:49,682
You know, with numbers like this,

20
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,312
this should be the happiest day of my life,

21
00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:55,692
and instead I have to worry about whetherl make you
happy all the time!

22
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:00,867
Jessica, sweetheart,

23
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,948
you make me feel like being a better person,

24
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:08,204
and I'm not a better person.

25
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,165
I'm me.

26
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,882
I feel sorry for you.

27
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:22,722
Don't.

28
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,300
I certainly don't.

29
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:31,265
In fact, I envy myself deeply.

30
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,554
- Morning.
- Morning.

31
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,302
Good morning, Mr. President.

32
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,388
And congratulations.

33
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:55,224
It's good to have you with us for another four years.

34
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:58,105
Thank you, Thomas. It's good to be back.

35
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:01,529
Would you like me to turn on the TV, sir?

36
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,777
Oh, no. That‘s okay.

37
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,992
Hey, I'll tell you what.

38
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:13,121
How about the paper?
The paper, sir?

39
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:15,627
Yeah. Oh, what the heck?

40
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:19,665
We'll see what the New York Times
has to say about things.

41
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,588
Bet they're eating some crow this morning.

42
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,635
We have a copy anywhere?

43
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,213
We can get one, sir.

44
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:29,800
All right, get one. And scare up my reading glasses.

45
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,679
I'm going to read the newspaper.

46
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,268
Shall I bring it to the workout room, sir?

47
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:39,772
No, uh, I'm gonna read my paper right here in bed.

48
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,986
Take it a little easy this morning.

49
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,064
Well, you deserve it, sir.

50
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,992
Yes, I do.
It was a heck of a fight.

51
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,285
Yes, sir, a heck of a fight.

52
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:52,910
The important thing is, the good guys won.

53
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:15,679
Cut!

54
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:29,780
Cut!

55
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:45,674
Cut!

56
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:50,297
This guy is pathetic! He's ruining every shot!

57
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,390
You, come here!

58
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,685
I'm sorry, sir.
Sorry?

59
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,887
Is that what you're going to say

60
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,268
when you endanger your brothers on the holy mission?

61
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,771
No. Just stay out of the shot.

62
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:04,319
Yes, sir.

63
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:08,653
My wife's cousin. Otherwise,
I send him back home tomorrow!

64
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,993
Okay, everybody, from the top, huh?
Let's shoot this puppy!

65
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,411
Come on.
Come on.

66
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:10,878
One, pah!

67
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:13,464
Singular sensation

68
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,890
Every little step she takes

69
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,518
One, pah!

70
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:21,054
Thrilling combination

71
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,765
Every move that she makes

72
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:28,941
One smile and suddenly nobody

73
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,694
else will do

74
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:36,282
You know you’ll never be lonely

75
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:39,206
With you-know—who

76
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,080
One moment

77
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,251
Oh!

78
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:45,875
What is this?

79
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,376
Was I being loud?

80
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,879
You could hear it down into the valley.

81
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:51,963
Hey...

82
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,756
That was rare.

83
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,340
You are lucky it was me who found you,

84
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,595
not one of the others because they would

85
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,143
cut your throat!

86
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,305
I'm so sorry.
I like show tunes.

87
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:07,518
I grew up listening to them.
My mother had a collection of 50 records.

88
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,728
Your mother was killed by an American bomb.

89
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,233
I know that.

90
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,656
That is why I'm here.

91
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,655
Look, I've got some news for you.

92
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,528
Your papers came through.

93
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:22,081
You are leaving next week
for Frankfurt, and from there to Orange County.

94
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:25,619
You'll be staying at our mutual cousins'. They know
nothing of your purpose there.

95
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:28,456
You are to just wait until your sleeper cell
contacts you.

96
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,711
When will that be?

97
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,551
Never.

98
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:43,770
I can't. I just can't, I can't, I can't. I can't
possibly. I can't do it.

99
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:48,267
It's too horrible.
Please, not another season, please.

100
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,649
I beg you, don't make me do it.
Don't make me do it.

101
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,150
Don't make me do it.
Everyone's ready for you, sir.

102
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:57,154
Right, terrific. Okay, let's go!
Let's rock and roll, yeah?

103
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:02,789
Good morning. Good morning, everyone.
Lovely to see you again.

104
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:06,535
Or, rather, not see you.
Can we have the house lights, please?

105
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:07,915
Now?

106
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,708
Now?

107
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,466
Not next Tuesday. Cheers. Boo!

108
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,838
Boo!

109
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:17,762
Here we are again.
Here we are yet again.

110
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:21,925
Here we are, producing the most
popular show on television.

111
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:26,013
The show to which not only America,
but now the whole world is glued. Yay!

112
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:32,652
Which brings me to the task at hand.

113
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,946
When you're on top,
there's only one place to go.

114
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,024
And where is that?
Down!

115
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,817
Who said that?

116
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,578
"Down" is an incorrect answer.

117
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:51,166
The answer is "up." Up!

118
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,421
Because if you go down, do you know what happens?

119
00:09:55,512 --> 00:10:00,006
All those people who were buttering you up and smiling
at you just moments ago

120
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,513
leap on you and kick you and kick you

121
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:07,312
and kick you and kick you and kick you
until you shut up.

122
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,772
Down is not an option.

123
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:22,111
So let's go out there and get some great contestants.

124
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,614
And I don't just mean talented.
I mean human.

125
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:30,501
And by human, I mean flawed.
And by flawed, I mean freaks.

126
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,586
Bring me some freaks.

127
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,715
Let's make this a show that even I would watch.

128
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,678
Is it them?
Is that them? Don't run!

129
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,966
Wait, wait, wait!
Your hair!

130
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:48,227
Okay, okay, okay.
Stop, Mom. All right. Go!

131
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,561
Oh, Goddess,
please, please, please.

132
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:02,400
Sally Kendoo?
Yeah.

133
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,326
We're from American Dreamz.

134
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,410
I know. And we're here to tell you...

135
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,412
You've been selected to perform on the show.

136
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,084
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

137
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,128
Why do you do that?
Do what?

138
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,421
You know what.

139
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:19,000
Just once I would like to tell when...
What are you doing?

140
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,294
Sorry. Screaming.

141
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,842
Yes! Yes! Stop!
Stop, stop screaming.

142
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,343
Stop.
- Dude.

143
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:29,094
I'm really sorry. We're gonna have to
do this all over again.

144
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,022
You're gonna
have to go inside, and come out

145
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,939
and jump forjoy all over again

146
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,564
because we didn't get it on camera.

147
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,690
Okay.

148
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,283
Yes! I got it! I got it!

149
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,456
She's good.
- Yes! Yes!

150
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,661
There's my guy.

151
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,871
Congratulations, Mr. President.

152
00:11:56,966 --> 00:12:00,333
You said we'd tear them a new one
and we tore them a new one.

153
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:01,963
Excuse me.

154
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,762
The big guy up there tore them a new one.
He smited them.

155
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,010
Smote. Smote, smited, whatever.

156
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,966
What's with the papers?
New puppy?

157
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,053
They're newspapers.
I can see that.

158
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:13,980
Hi, Mrs. P. You look beautiful.
Good morning, Wally.

159
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,480
So, Mr. P, you ready to meet the press? Not right now.

160
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,526
Mr. P, we discussed this.

161
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:22,572
I mean, it was your idea to meet the press
after the big win.

162
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:26,948
Herald in a new era of openness, what with
our overwhelming mandate.

163
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:31,240
Yeah, I know. It's just that there
is a lot of stuff in here.

164
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:34,163
It... There's a lot of interesting things.

165
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:37,746
Well, yeah, there is a lot of stuff. They have to
fill the pages with something.

166
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,331
But I think "interesting" is stretching it.

167
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,126
Well, for instance, did you know

168
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:47,430
that there are two kinds of Iraqistanis?

169
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,473
I mean, uh, actually,

170
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,222
three kinds of Iraqis.

171
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,895
Do you mean, Sunnis and Shiites
and Kurds?

172
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,731
You knew about this?

173
00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:59,017
So did you.
You knew this, Mr. P.

174
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,524
Yeah, but... It's in your weekly digests.

175
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,525
It's not like in this country,

176
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:07,734
where whites and blacks and Latinos all get along,

177
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:11,663
and there's no prejudicial deal between them.
I mean, these people,

178
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:14,536
they have some long-standing beefs with each other.

179
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:18,540
Look, honey. American Dreamz is coming on again soon.

180
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,289
That's great. Great.

181
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:25,385
Mr. President, we have to get you dressed and prepped.

182
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,302
The press is waiting for you.

183
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,722
You mean,
they're all out there waiting for me?

184
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,299
They certainly are.

185
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,980
Well, | just want to sit here and read for a while.

186
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:44,107
I think I deserve a break.
I'm kind of exhausted.

187
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,654
Mr. P, we need...

188
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:49,155
I am not going out there right now, g-damn it!

189
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:53,954
Move it. Fun in a bucket.
Fun in a bucket, everybody.

190
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:56,078
All right, all right.

191
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,914
Hey, Willie, where's Sally?
Get her down here!

192
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,586
Oh, you know how girls are.
Yeah.

193
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:04,291
Hey, man. That's some girlfriend you got. When you
gonna marry that girl?

194
00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:05,875
We're talking about it, Uncle Fitz.

195
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,710
We're thinking maybe next spring, huh?

196
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,466
All righty. All right!

197
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:19,810
Hey, Sally, it's you-know-who. Come on in, Willie.

198
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,600
The door's locked, babe.

199
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,615
What are you doing up here, Sally,

200
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,493
when everybody's down there celebrating your triumph?

201
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:40,042
Great.
I'm really excited for them.

202
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,541
And they're really excited for you.

203
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:46,545
You know, I am, too.
I don't think I've ever been prouder in my life.

204
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:47,921
You know what?

205
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:51,763
I was pretty excited for myself, too,
for like a half-hour.

206
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:56,134
And then it sunk in that this means nothing.

207
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,515
Nothing?

208
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:02,064
Sally, this is your dream.
You've always wanted to be on TV.

209
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:05,268
No. I've always wanted to be a star.

210
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:06,902
Isn't that the same thing?

211
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:11,278
No, Willie, it's not the same thing. Any idiot
can be on TV nowadays.

212
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:15,570
All you have to do is swap your wife or eat
a sheep's anus or something.

213
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:19,032
Yes. Yes, but you are gonna sing.

214
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:21,708
Yeah. I'm gonna sing.

215
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,954
I'm gonna sing.
And I'm not good enough.

216
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,922
I'm not good enough!

217
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:29,300
Seven years!
No, you know what I am?

218
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:33,300
Lam the best karaoke singer in this county of Ohio.

219
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:35,131
I'm going to go all the way out there, right?

220
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,386
And I'm gonna come right back home

221
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,968
and lose in the first round because I'm just...
I'm not good enough!

222
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,143
No way.
Yes.

223
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,311
No way.
Yes.

224
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:44,482
No way, no way, no way.
You're cute.

225
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:47,151
You got a great voice.

226
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,570
You got personality.

227
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,523
And you got a great voice.

228
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,902
Why, I think you're gonna win the whole damn thing.

229
00:15:56,706 --> 00:16:00,745
And if for some reason those folks have their heads
up their stinkholes,

230
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,746
and you don't win, for whatever reason,

231
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,828
I'm not gonna love you any less.

232
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:08,001
I'm gonna love you more because I see your real beauty,

233
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:11,050
and I don't need no TV show to show it to me.

234
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,838
Honey, I got some big news today, too.

235
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:23,437
I'm being made assistant manager, plumbing fixtures.

236
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,690
Assistant manager.

237
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,519
And you know what happens next.

238
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,771
Manager, plumbing fixtures.

239
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,612
Willie?

240
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,446
I think it's time we broke up.

241
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:41,868
What?

242
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:46,211
Lt's just... I don't think it's working anymore.

243
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:49,084
Sure it is. It's going great.
Not really.

244
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,507
No, your life is here.

245
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,630
And my life is...

246
00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,003
Or maybe it's...

247
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,722
But either way, see, I can't take you with me.

248
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,893
But I love you.

249
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,441
I love you. Damn it, you can't do this to me.

250
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,689
No, listen.

251
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,522
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't take it.

252
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,698
You stay up here and cry.

253
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,943
I'm going to go down and greet my fans.

254
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,657
Sally!

255
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,792
Hi, everyone! Now, who'd like to hear a little song?

256
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:30,830
Yeah!

257
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:41,216
She's a very freaky girl

258
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:44,685
The kind you don't bring home to mama

259
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,938
She's a super freak Super freak

260
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:52,439
She's super freaky

261
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:56,030
Wrong!

262
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,149
Do you want this?

263
00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,818
Do you?

264
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,244
Well, then get your ass in gear!

265
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:04,492
Iqbal, darling.
What?

266
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,326
Your cousin Omer is arriving any minute.

267
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:10,833
Okay, I'll be up in a moment. I'm doing something here.

268
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:15,337
No, not in a moment.
A moment with you stretches into an hour.

269
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,339
Your cousin has come halfway around the world.

270
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,216
Let's show him some hospitality.

271
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:20,968
You come up right now!

272
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:24,971
Don't get me upset today, okay? You know
I don't like to get upset.

273
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,613
Nazneen!

274
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,818
What a home. It is, oh, stupendous.

275
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,278
What, this old place?
Nazneen!

276
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,455
Nazneen!

277
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,159
There you are. Aunt Nazneen.

278
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:52,120
This young man thinks our little home is stupendous.

279
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:56,499
What, this old shack?
Let me see you. Let me see you.

280
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:58,212
Hey, Omer!

281
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,712
Could this be little Shabnum?

282
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,301
Call me "Shazzy." Everyone does.

283
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:06,008
I'm so excited you‘re here.
It's been, what, 10 years, right?

284
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,685
Yes. We're gonna party like rock stars!

285
00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:10,138
Okay.

286
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,185
Oh, Omer. Omer.

287
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:16,611
I am so, so sorry about your mother.

288
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:20,114
You know I loved her very, very much.

289
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:23,989
I told herto leave Baghdad. It's too dangerous.

290
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:27,116
But she was headstrong.

291
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,870
No, no, Nazneen.
This is a happy day. Remember.

292
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,076
Oh, yes, of course, sweetie. Yes, honey.

293
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,036
Hey, Iqbal, this is your cousin, Omer!

294
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:37,373
Oh, hello.
Hi. Long time no see.

295
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,590
Come on. Come on, everybody.
Come on, sweetheart.

296
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:44,263
Come on, let's be happy.
- Yes.

297
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:48,093
The President hasn't made a public appearance
for the last three weeks.

298
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,807
What about the rumors that he has a mystery ailment?

299
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:52,638
There is no mystery ailment.

300
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:56,726
As we all know, the campaign process
takes a lot out of a person.

301
00:19:56,821 --> 00:20:00,985
And the President has been enjoying the intervening
time to rest and reflect

302
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:04,112
Is it true that he left President Putin on hold
for 30 minutes

303
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,410
when the Russian president called to congratulate him?

304
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:07,862
Absolutely not.

305
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:10,664
The President and Mr. Putin had a nice talk.

306
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,493
The President considers him a close friend

307
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:17,705
while, of course, deeply mistrusting
his undemocratic tendencies.

308
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:22,926
Sir, what about the rumors that the President had
a nervous breakdown?

309
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,298
Nervous breakdown?

310
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:30,218
Look, fellows, I would like to remind everyone
that we're still at war here.

311
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:33,396
The terrorists are looking to exploit
any sign of weakness.

312
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,347
And it's not a question of if

313
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:40,278
but when they're going to launch a major attack
ending life on Earth as we know it.

314
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,943
So let's just try and keep a positive attitude.

315
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:48,069
Okay, that's it.

316
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:05,844
Poopie.

317
00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:09,598
Poopie!

318
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,592
Oh, hey, Poopie.

319
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:15,229
When did you get up?
Four hours ago.

320
00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:18,270
It's time for you to get dressed.

321
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:20,313
I picked you out a nice suit.

322
00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:23,316
We both think you need to get up
and get out of this bedroom.

323
00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:25,989
Who's "we"?
Hi, Mr. P.

324
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:30,278
Oh, hi, Wally, I didn't hear you come in.
I guess you were distracted.

325
00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:34,240
Wally, be careful with that pile.
That is the Canadian press.

326
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:35,825
Canadian press?

327
00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:39,912
What on Earth are you doing reading the Canadian press?

328
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:42,669
Who outside of Canada gives a shit
about the Canadian press?

329
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,876
Wally, language.
They're our neighbors.

330
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,460
Our neighbors?

331
00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:49,843
Sir, you are worrying me here.

332
00:21:50,184 --> 00:21:52,596
I don't know how long I can cover for this.

333
00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:56,270
Well, there is nothing to cover for.

334
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:04,604
I'm just... I'm just trying to figure out a few things.

335
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:08,566
If you wanted more info, sir, why did you cancel
the weekly briefings?

336
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:13,121
Because I'm not sure
I'm getting the straight poop from them. That's all.

337
00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:15,789
I mean, Iran and North Korea

338
00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:19,118
are notjust like Dr. Octopus and Magneto.

339
00:22:19,213 --> 00:22:21,750
You don't like cartoons?
Fine, they're gone.

340
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:24,207
Joe, we're trying to help, here.

341
00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:28,552
Linda?
Well, uh, we were wondering

342
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:32,590
maybe you ought to take some of these.

343
00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:35,972
What,
your hormone pills?

344
00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:38,805
They're not hormone pills.
They're happy pills.

345
00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:41,231
They make you happy when you're sad.

346
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,644
Well, hold on here.

347
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:49,653
Are you sad?
No. I'm happy.

348
00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:53,323
But I think you're a little sad maybe.

349
00:22:53,831 --> 00:22:57,164
I think maybe you ran so hard,

350
00:22:57,585 --> 00:23:01,248
you fought so well for this wonderful victory,

351
00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:05,839
so that you could help your country, and...

352
00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:08,922
You fought so well

353
00:23:09,263 --> 00:23:12,096
for a wonderful victory.

354
00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:16,554
Fought so well
for the wonderful victory that you...

355
00:23:16,645 --> 00:23:20,388
Now you have the wind, the wind knocked out of you.

356
00:23:20,566 --> 00:23:23,353
You're wondering, what was the point of it all.

357
00:23:23,444 --> 00:23:25,560
Why you? Why now?

358
00:23:25,988 --> 00:23:29,151
Why did the Lord pick you out of all people?

359
00:23:29,617 --> 00:23:31,778
What are your special qualifications?

360
00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:33,780
And did the Lord even pick you?

361
00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:37,329
Or was itjust having really, really powerful friends?

362
00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:41,166
Are you saying the Lord didn't pick me?

363
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,619
The Lord did pick you.
He picked you.

364
00:23:43,714 --> 00:23:46,296
Of course, he picked you, honey.

365
00:23:46,634 --> 00:23:50,422
The thing is, wejust can't have a President

366
00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:53,254
who stays in his pajamas all day.

367
00:23:53,557 --> 00:23:55,093
Come on, sir.

368
00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:58,263
The country needs you.

369
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,220
I like the country.

370
00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:05,433
Well, that's good, because you're its President.

371
00:24:25,756 --> 00:24:28,498
Hello, William.
Hi, Mrs. Kendoo.

372
00:24:28,759 --> 00:24:32,126
I just came by to, uh, say goodbye to Sally.

373
00:24:33,097 --> 00:24:35,304
Well, have you up and joined the Army?

374
00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:38,723
I have, Mrs. Kendoo.

375
00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:42,595
Ijust feel like, since Sally dumped me,
my life has been meaningless.

376
00:24:42,690 --> 00:24:46,182
So I'm trying to find meaning by defending my country.

377
00:24:46,986 --> 00:24:49,819
And Ijust wanted to tell Sally that.

378
00:24:50,197 --> 00:24:53,610
Well, William, that's very sincere of you,

379
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:56,780
but Sally isn't here.

380
00:24:56,870 --> 00:25:00,033
She's in New York, meeting with agents.

381
00:25:00,708 --> 00:25:03,666
Agents? They're folks that, uh...

382
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:09,463
They act greedy and mean for you so you can
seem like a nice person.

383
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,961
But Sally is a nice person.

384
00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:17,179
So I'm not gonna get to see her, then, am I?

385
00:25:17,558 --> 00:25:19,549
I'm afraid not, William.

386
00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:27,223
Well, you, uh... You just tell her

387
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,441
that, wherever I am, I'll be thinking of her.

388
00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:32,065
And I got her face tattooed on my arm.

389
00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:34,147
It's from our prom photo.

390
00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:38,192
Well, it's beautiful work.

391
00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:43,288
Well.

392
00:25:47,671 --> 00:25:50,003
Now | feel like a terrible person.

393
00:25:50,090 --> 00:25:54,709
Oh, you can't help it if that boy wants to go do
something foolish like get a tattoo.

394
00:26:00,893 --> 00:26:03,259
I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored.

395
00:26:03,353 --> 00:26:05,890
I'm bored, bored, bored of these contestants.

396
00:26:05,981 --> 00:26:08,688
I want some variety, okay?

397
00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:12,943
I want someone to love. I want someone to pity.
I want someone to laugh at.

398
00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:14,611
I want someone to masturbate over.

399
00:26:14,698 --> 00:26:16,438
Possibly, we have that already.

400
00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:20,196
I want... I want an Arab.

401
00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:22,823
I'm part Arab.

402
00:26:22,915 --> 00:26:24,280
No, don‘t be ridiculous.

403
00:26:24,374 --> 00:26:27,366
No. Mother's Syrian. Dad's Korean.

404
00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:29,042
Good God. All right, then.

405
00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:32,292
Bring me a fellow Arab. And a Jew.

406
00:26:32,382 --> 00:26:34,338
Bring me an Arab and a Jew.

407
00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:36,667
What about an Arab Jew?

408
00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:38,093
Don't be funny.

409
00:26:38,180 --> 00:26:40,466
Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt.

410
00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:43,344
Martin, I've got the White House on the phone for you.

411
00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:46,848
No, love. Ldon't think you have.
I think I do.

412
00:26:51,026 --> 00:26:53,017
Hello? Martin Tweed.

413
00:26:53,237 --> 00:26:54,647
No commercials.

414
00:26:54,738 --> 00:26:57,275
Don't be ridiculous.
We can't do no commercials.

415
00:26:57,366 --> 00:27:00,108
The PR benefit to you will more than make up for it.

416
00:27:00,202 --> 00:27:03,911
With all due respect, we are the number one show
on TV.

417
00:27:03,997 --> 00:27:07,489
We are watched by college freshmen,
grandmas in retirement homes,

418
00:27:07,584 --> 00:27:09,495
death-row inmates, nuns.

419
00:27:09,586 --> 00:27:12,578
We hit every demo.
That is the reason you've come to us.

420
00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:14,789
You need the PR more than we do.

421
00:27:14,883 --> 00:27:17,499
We're talking about the President of
the United States here.

422
00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:20,176
Yeah, a President who hasn't been seen
in public for weeks.

423
00:27:20,264 --> 00:27:22,050
There are rumors he's gone bonkers.

424
00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:26,475
He hasn't gone bonkers. Doing great.
Feeling good. Has a good sense of humor,

425
00:27:26,562 --> 00:27:28,894
tremendous popular appeal.
Man of the people.

426
00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:31,563
That's why we want to get him out there in a big way.

427
00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:33,891
I heard you're also booking
him on Larry King and Oprah.

428
00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:35,726
That's correct.
- No, that is incorrect.

429
00:27:35,821 --> 00:27:38,107
If he does our show, he cannot do any other show
before our show,

430
00:27:38,198 --> 00:27:40,405
and he cannot do another show for at least a week
afterwards.

431
00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:41,857
But those are talk shows.

432
00:27:41,952 --> 00:27:44,489
The President's old friends with Larry,
and he loves Oprah.

433
00:27:44,580 --> 00:27:46,696
Don't we all?
Still, those are my terms.

434
00:27:46,790 --> 00:27:49,281
No other TV appearances.
Two commercial breaks.

435
00:27:49,376 --> 00:27:50,991
No commercial breaks.
Two.

436
00:27:51,086 --> 00:27:52,667
One.
One.

437
00:27:54,131 --> 00:27:55,996
One commercial break.

438
00:27:56,175 --> 00:27:59,133
Okay.
Okay. Great! Great!

439
00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:04,638
Looks like the President's gonna be a guestjudge
on American Dreamz.

440
00:28:06,977 --> 00:28:09,138
Hi.
Hello.

441
00:28:09,813 --> 00:28:12,304
Oh, well, now he looks as strange as you two do.

442
00:28:12,399 --> 00:28:14,811
Nonsense. He looks adorable.

443
00:28:14,902 --> 00:28:18,065
He barely let us spend anything on him.
All this stuff was on sale.

444
00:28:18,155 --> 00:28:20,316
Thank you so much. This is more than I need.

445
00:28:20,407 --> 00:28:23,399
You see?
You two need to learn a lot from this fellow.

446
00:28:23,493 --> 00:28:26,451
Darling, we must get him his own credit card.

447
00:28:27,414 --> 00:28:28,654
Why not?

448
00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:31,578
Hey, Omerizer.
Want to see something cool?

449
00:28:31,668 --> 00:28:33,408
Watch out. Super-gay-meister might jump you!

450
00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:36,165
Shut up, hairy she-male!
Let's go.

451
00:28:37,841 --> 00:28:40,298
She's a super freak Super freak

452
00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:42,376
She's super freaky

453
00:28:59,696 --> 00:29:00,731
Wow.

454
00:29:02,658 --> 00:29:03,818
Bravo!

455
00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:06,608
Okay. Thank you.

456
00:29:06,703 --> 00:29:08,318
Thanks.
Oh, the shaking.

457
00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:11,371
Okay, now you're just making fun of me. Stop.

458
00:29:12,501 --> 00:29:13,911
No! No!

459
00:29:14,002 --> 00:29:17,460
No, you are extremely talented, cousin.

460
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:22,466
Not only as a singer but as a dancer.
You have pizzazz, my friend.

461
00:29:23,178 --> 00:29:24,384
Really?

462
00:29:24,721 --> 00:29:26,928
You really think so?
Yes.

463
00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:28,714
Wow.

464
00:29:28,809 --> 00:29:31,050
How strange to not be met with mockery.

465
00:29:31,144 --> 00:29:32,509
Who mocks you?

466
00:29:32,604 --> 00:29:35,311
Uh, everyone! That's why no one's allowed down here.

467
00:29:35,399 --> 00:29:38,266
Oh, this is a spectacular set-up you have.

468
00:29:38,485 --> 00:29:39,941
You think so?

469
00:29:40,362 --> 00:29:43,820
Oh, gosh! I really wish you would have
been here last month!

470
00:29:43,907 --> 00:29:46,148
L taped an audition for American Dreamz.

471
00:29:46,243 --> 00:29:49,701
Had to have Shazzy run the camera. She couldn't
stop shaking with laughter.

472
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:52,780
So how do you work the lighting in here?
Oh, I'll show you.

473
00:30:15,772 --> 00:30:19,515
Hey, how long you been in Iraq?
Fourteen months.

474
00:30:19,609 --> 00:30:23,522
Wow. Fourteen months.
You must have seen a lot of stuff.

475
00:30:24,281 --> 00:30:26,237
This is my first day here.

476
00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:28,611
In fact,
Ijustjoined the Army two weeks ago.

477
00:30:28,702 --> 00:30:31,614
I had kind of an accelerated basic training.

478
00:30:31,955 --> 00:30:35,914
I was pretty surprised
when they said, "Pack your bags. You're going to Iraq."

479
00:30:36,084 --> 00:30:38,746
Honestly, I thought they were joking.

480
00:30:40,130 --> 00:30:42,462
Hey, you got any advice for me?

481
00:30:43,842 --> 00:30:45,628
Don‘t get shot.

482
00:30:46,470 --> 00:30:48,006
"Don't get shot."

483
00:30:48,305 --> 00:30:50,136
Okay. Will do.

484
00:30:52,559 --> 00:30:54,220
What was that?

485
00:30:54,811 --> 00:30:56,893
I think you just got shot.

486
00:30:57,814 --> 00:30:59,350
My tattoo!

487
00:31:00,692 --> 00:31:03,183
First off, I think you're really talented,

488
00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:05,360
and you have a chance to win this whole thing.

489
00:31:05,447 --> 00:31:07,984
A chance? She's going to win it all, mister.

490
00:31:08,075 --> 00:31:10,066
Mom, shut up.
Go on, Chet Krogl.

491
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,276
Thank you. I know she's gonna win, Martha.

492
00:31:12,371 --> 00:31:13,907
That's why I'm representing her.

493
00:31:13,997 --> 00:31:17,410
But winning American Dreamz isn't just about talent.

494
00:31:17,501 --> 00:31:19,958
You have to have a story.

495
00:31:20,212 --> 00:31:23,704
Now, the whole "poor white trash" thing is great.

496
00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:25,755
Well, we're not white trash.

497
00:31:25,842 --> 00:31:29,050
No. No, no, no. Of course not, of course not.

498
00:31:29,137 --> 00:31:30,923
But it doesn't hurt to imply that you are.

499
00:31:31,014 --> 00:31:33,426
Look what it's done for Britney Spears.

500
00:31:33,517 --> 00:31:36,554
See, everyone in America thinks they're middle class.

501
00:31:36,645 --> 00:31:38,931
So they like to have someone to look down on.

502
00:31:39,022 --> 00:31:40,228
We are middle class.

503
00:31:40,315 --> 00:31:43,807
Mom, shut your gaping pie hole.
Go on, Chet Krogl.

504
00:31:44,194 --> 00:31:46,776
Human interest is what wins these things.

505
00:31:46,863 --> 00:31:49,195
Now, absent father's not bad.

506
00:31:49,366 --> 00:31:50,776
You two are divorced, right?

507
00:31:50,867 --> 00:31:53,859
Well, uh, Daddy lives with another man in Chicago.

508
00:31:53,954 --> 00:31:55,615
Another man.

509
00:31:55,789 --> 00:31:56,778
Hmm.

510
00:31:56,915 --> 00:31:59,748
Maybe? Well, no.

511
00:32:00,210 --> 00:32:03,122
Let's not feature that.
That's too much of a wild card.

512
00:32:03,213 --> 00:32:04,749
Now, one thing that is important, Sally,

513
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,001
is that you not appear to want it too much.

514
00:32:07,092 --> 00:32:09,333
I'm just singing for the love of singing.

515
00:32:09,428 --> 00:32:11,293
As long as I get to get on that stage

516
00:32:11,388 --> 00:32:15,597
and perform in front of that incredible audience,
I'm happy.

517
00:32:16,226 --> 00:32:17,966
Not bad. Not bad.

518
00:32:19,938 --> 00:32:22,429
Now, of course, on the inside, you do need to want it
really badly.

519
00:32:22,524 --> 00:32:25,641
Mr. Krogl, I'd rather jab my eyes out with
toothpicks and eat them

520
00:32:25,735 --> 00:32:28,226
than lose this thing.
Okay. Awesome!

521
00:32:28,530 --> 00:32:33,524
Um, there's sort of this Hollywood thing.
The camera puts on 10 pounds.

522
00:32:33,618 --> 00:32:35,199
So you're gonna want to lose 20.

523
00:32:35,328 --> 00:32:36,693
Screw you.

524
00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:39,704
I control my weight swings.
No one else.

525
00:32:39,916 --> 00:32:41,247
Having a little extra meat,

526
00:32:41,334 --> 00:32:44,792
taking it off, packing it on can really make people
root for you.

527
00:32:45,630 --> 00:32:47,461
Hasn't hurt Oprah.

528
00:32:49,843 --> 00:32:50,832
I love Oprah.

529
00:32:52,637 --> 00:32:54,093
We're busy!

530
00:32:55,682 --> 00:32:58,515
Could you get that?
Yes.

531
00:33:04,733 --> 00:33:07,975
Oh, my Lord! Sally, you better get over here.

532
00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:15,945
It's William. He's back. And I think he's been wounded.

533
00:33:17,787 --> 00:33:19,698
Oh, my God.

534
00:33:19,831 --> 00:33:20,866
Oh.

535
00:33:21,333 --> 00:33:23,289
I know. Poor William.

536
00:33:25,962 --> 00:33:28,203
I don't think he's going away.

537
00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:30,998
Who's William?

538
00:33:31,134 --> 00:33:33,125
It's Sally's old boyfriend.

539
00:33:33,220 --> 00:33:35,461
She broke up with him a few weeks ago.

540
00:33:35,555 --> 00:33:37,216
Yeah, it just wasn't gonna work.

541
00:33:37,307 --> 00:33:40,515
Every time he smiled, I wanted to hit him
in the head with my shoe.

542
00:33:41,019 --> 00:33:43,635
So he's a returning war veteran injured in Iraq?

543
00:33:43,730 --> 00:33:45,186
That's right.

544
00:33:46,858 --> 00:33:48,064
Yep.

545
00:33:49,110 --> 00:33:50,816
Sally, remember what I said

546
00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:53,611
about human interest being the thing
that wins American Dreamz?

547
00:33:58,662 --> 00:33:59,777
Hi, William.

548
00:34:00,247 --> 00:34:03,205
Hi, Sally. I'm back.

549
00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:04,956
Brought you some flowers.

550
00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:07,705
Oh, gosh. Thank you, William.

551
00:34:09,130 --> 00:34:10,586
I got injured in Iraq.

552
00:34:11,716 --> 00:34:14,503
Yeah, I can see. I'm so, so sorry.

553
00:34:17,180 --> 00:34:20,843
Well, I... Ijust came
to say hi, so...

554
00:34:21,101 --> 00:34:22,841
Yeah. But, William, um,

555
00:34:23,186 --> 00:34:26,644
I'm actually really happy that you're home

556
00:34:26,773 --> 00:34:28,934
and you're back

557
00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:32,521
and you're alive.

558
00:34:34,197 --> 00:34:36,654
Oh, oh, sorry, sorry.
No big deal. No big deal.

559
00:34:36,741 --> 00:34:39,608
Um, listen, I'm so happy to see you, too. I...

560
00:34:47,294 --> 00:34:49,751
Sally, who's the guy with the video camera?

561
00:34:49,838 --> 00:34:51,123
Nobody. He's just my agent.

562
00:34:51,214 --> 00:34:52,499
Oh, cool.

563
00:34:53,133 --> 00:34:55,294
Keep going. Don't mind me.

564
00:34:56,344 --> 00:34:59,086
This is Linda Garvey reporting
live from the White House.

565
00:34:59,180 --> 00:35:02,297
It is his first official state visit
since his re-election,

566
00:35:02,392 --> 00:35:04,599
and the President is hosting the Premier of China.

567
00:35:04,686 --> 00:35:07,849
Unfortunately, news cameras weren't allowed
inside for the meeting.

568
00:35:08,231 --> 00:35:10,722
I am terrified of North Korea.

569
00:35:12,152 --> 00:35:14,359
I keep having this nightmare.

570
00:35:14,696 --> 00:35:16,561
The sirens are going off,

571
00:35:16,656 --> 00:35:20,774
and then someone rushes in and tells me that the
North Koreans are attacking.

572
00:35:21,369 --> 00:35:24,987
So I run to get my Bible, but I can't find it.

573
00:35:25,582 --> 00:35:28,415
And then the sky goes dark.

574
00:35:30,795 --> 00:35:33,081
Do you ever have nightmares?

575
00:35:34,966 --> 00:35:36,957
Vamp. Improvise.

576
00:35:43,058 --> 00:35:45,925
Bye-bye. Sure you don't want to sleep over?

577
00:35:46,186 --> 00:35:48,768
All right. Next time.
Bye, now.

578
00:35:52,817 --> 00:35:53,932
Well,

579
00:35:55,528 --> 00:35:57,940
I think that went really well.

580
00:35:58,823 --> 00:36:01,314
He seems like a real nice guy.

581
00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:03,691
Yes, he's very nice.

582
00:36:03,870 --> 00:36:07,112
Very nice, for a communist dictator.

583
00:36:07,874 --> 00:36:09,910
What the hell is going on here, Joe?

584
00:36:10,001 --> 00:36:12,834
I mean, have you had a frigging nervous breakdown?

585
00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:15,541
Uh, no.

586
00:36:16,299 --> 00:36:20,508
"Uh, no," is not a very reassuring answer.

587
00:36:20,845 --> 00:36:24,303
Joe, you remember when we first met?

588
00:36:24,557 --> 00:36:27,674
When I came up to you
at that fundraiser for your dad, and I said,

589
00:36:27,769 --> 00:36:29,225
"You're gonna make one hell of a President."

590
00:36:29,312 --> 00:36:32,554
And you said, "You mean my dad is." And I said,
"No, pal. You are."

591
00:36:33,775 --> 00:36:36,608
I kind of remember it. I was pretty toasted.

592
00:36:36,778 --> 00:36:39,815
Is that what's happening here?
Are you getting toasted again?

593
00:36:39,906 --> 00:36:43,148
Do you have a bottle hiding somewhere?
No! Of course not.

594
00:36:43,243 --> 00:36:44,949
'Cause I'm there for you.

595
00:36:47,997 --> 00:36:49,533
It's just that

596
00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:54,793
there are some things that kind of seemed
pretty black-and-white.

597
00:36:55,630 --> 00:37:00,841
And now they're kind of becoming a little gray-seeming.

598
00:37:01,094 --> 00:37:04,086
I'll tell you one thing that isn't gray-seeming.

599
00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:05,590
Your numbers.

600
00:37:05,682 --> 00:37:08,719
The only demo where you have an approval
rating above 30 %

601
00:37:08,810 --> 00:37:10,095
is with children under the age of five.

602
00:37:10,186 --> 00:37:11,676
You know what they're saying out there?

603
00:37:11,771 --> 00:37:13,181
Yeah, I've been reading the papers.

604
00:37:13,273 --> 00:37:16,310
They're saying
you've disappeared. They're saying you've gone cuckoo!

605
00:37:16,693 --> 00:37:18,149
Look, Mr. President.

606
00:37:18,236 --> 00:37:20,272
We have a lot of important work to do.

607
00:37:20,363 --> 00:37:24,151
We're making democracies, and you have to keep your eye
on the prize!

608
00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:29,698
First off, no more newspapers.

609
00:37:29,789 --> 00:37:32,121
In fact, no more reading. Back to the regular briefing.

610
00:37:32,208 --> 00:37:34,699
Second off,
we're gonna up the dosage on your medicine.

611
00:37:34,794 --> 00:37:36,830
Third off, we‘re going on a publicity blitz

612
00:37:36,921 --> 00:37:40,379
to show the world that you're still going strong,
still have the common touch.

613
00:37:40,467 --> 00:37:44,255
And to start off with, you're gonna be a guest judge
on American Dreamz.

614
00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:50,469
Are you sure that's dignified?
Oh, it will be dignified.

615
00:37:51,436 --> 00:37:55,270
And charming. And populist and on-message

616
00:37:55,940 --> 00:38:00,775
because you'll be wearing this.

617
00:38:02,655 --> 00:38:04,145
Uh, what is that?

618
00:38:06,409 --> 00:38:08,821
Hey, Omer. Want to go to the mall?

619
00:38:09,621 --> 00:38:11,327
We just went last weekend.

620
00:38:11,414 --> 00:38:13,575
Yeah. Now we're going again.

621
00:38:13,833 --> 00:38:16,290
Why? Did you forget to purchase something?

622
00:38:19,547 --> 00:38:23,210
If you do not mind, I think I will pass
on the mail today.

623
00:38:23,468 --> 00:38:26,301
I would like to just stay here and relax.

624
00:38:26,554 --> 00:38:29,170
Okay. Bye!
Bye.

625
00:38:52,789 --> 00:38:55,201
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

626
00:38:55,291 --> 00:38:58,328
You're too kind. You're too kind, really.
Thank you very much.

627
00:38:58,419 --> 00:38:59,784
Thank you.

628
00:38:59,879 --> 00:39:03,167
And now a piece from the classic,
Guys and Dolls.

629
00:39:05,885 --> 00:39:07,876
This is really a new low.

630
00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:11,296
This Iqbal guy can't sing.
Neither can the Hasidic guy.

631
00:39:11,599 --> 00:39:13,635
What? The Hasidic guy rules.

632
00:39:13,726 --> 00:39:16,763
Wait! I hear singing.
Start the camera. Start the camera.

633
00:39:17,063 --> 00:39:20,226
Luck be a lady tonight

634
00:39:20,316 --> 00:39:23,353
Luck be a lady tonight, pah!

635
00:39:23,778 --> 00:39:27,191
Luck if you've ever been a lady to begin with

636
00:39:27,282 --> 00:39:29,944
Luck be a...
Tonight

637
00:39:32,829 --> 00:39:34,239
May | help you?

638
00:39:34,330 --> 00:39:38,824
You do not understand.
I have no desire to be on a television show.

639
00:39:39,127 --> 00:39:40,992
But you have real talent.

640
00:39:41,087 --> 00:39:42,293
Do you really think so?

641
00:39:42,881 --> 00:39:46,624
But it is a moot point, because it is not I
you are looking for.

642
00:39:47,010 --> 00:39:48,750
It is my cousin, Iqbal.

643
00:39:48,845 --> 00:39:51,302
I want him.
No, I don't want him.

644
00:39:51,556 --> 00:39:53,467
I need him. I love him.

645
00:39:53,558 --> 00:39:56,391
That is it. That's my Arab.
Lqbal's out. Omer's in.

646
00:39:56,477 --> 00:39:57,967
Okay. We're working on it.

647
00:39:58,062 --> 00:40:01,725
Now here's a tape that Sally Kendoo's agent sent over.

648
00:40:01,983 --> 00:40:04,144
The white-trash girl from Ohio.

649
00:40:04,235 --> 00:40:07,602
Apparently, she has a boyfriend who was injured
in the Iraq war,

650
00:40:07,697 --> 00:40:10,188
and this is footage of their reunion.

651
00:40:14,203 --> 00:40:16,285
Now look at this right here.

652
00:40:16,372 --> 00:40:18,033
Did you get that?

653
00:40:18,374 --> 00:40:19,489
Whoa.

654
00:40:20,084 --> 00:40:22,325
Give me that. Give me that. Give me that.

655
00:40:24,881 --> 00:40:26,621
Did you get that?

656
00:40:31,346 --> 00:40:32,677
Dirty bitch.

657
00:40:48,488 --> 00:40:50,774
Oh, my God. It's Martin Tweed!

658
00:40:50,990 --> 00:40:52,105
Martin Tweed, everyone!

659
00:40:57,664 --> 00:40:58,699
Oh, my God!

660
00:40:58,790 --> 00:41:00,621
Get back. Get back, everyone!

661
00:41:15,682 --> 00:41:17,172
Mr. Tweed.

662
00:41:18,142 --> 00:41:20,349
Come on in.
Thank you very much.

663
00:41:20,436 --> 00:41:22,347
Mrs. Kendoo?
Oh, yes.

664
00:41:23,314 --> 00:41:25,100
And a lot of other Kendoos.

665
00:41:26,109 --> 00:41:29,977
Can I get you some hot bundt cake or how about a beer?

666
00:41:30,071 --> 00:41:32,562
No, thank you very much.
I'm on a strict sashimi diet.

667
00:41:32,657 --> 00:41:35,649
Martin, Chet Krogl.
We met at upfronts a couple of years ago.

668
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,108
Right. Yeah, Chet Krogl.

669
00:41:37,203 --> 00:41:39,694
I don't want to talk to you.
Okay. No problem.

670
00:41:39,789 --> 00:41:43,623
Do you know what? Do you think I might go upstairs
and talk to Sally in private?

671
00:41:44,085 --> 00:41:46,201
Oh, yeah, absolutely.

672
00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:13,695
Cool car. Thank you very much.
Thank you.

673
00:42:14,157 --> 00:42:17,194
Not easy renting a Ferrari
in Padookie, Ohio.

674
00:42:20,246 --> 00:42:23,238
I'm surprised that you're here, cause I thought

675
00:42:23,332 --> 00:42:26,449
we were supposed to meet for the first time
onstage at the show.

676
00:42:26,544 --> 00:42:29,502
Yeah. Normally, we would.
I never produce these segments.

677
00:42:29,589 --> 00:42:32,456
But I heard Padookie was an exciting town.
Thought I'd check it out.

678
00:42:34,927 --> 00:42:37,043
That was a joke.
I'm aware.

679
00:42:37,847 --> 00:42:39,462
You didn't laugh.

680
00:42:39,682 --> 00:42:41,388
It wasn't funny.

681
00:42:43,019 --> 00:42:44,099
No.

682
00:42:45,855 --> 00:42:48,688
But why didn't you laugh just to kiss my ass?

683
00:42:48,941 --> 00:42:51,023
I figure you didn't need me to kiss your ass.

684
00:42:51,110 --> 00:42:55,524
I mean, I'm sure you have people kissing your ass
24 hours a day.

685
00:42:56,783 --> 00:42:58,614
And I guess, like, not kissing your ass

686
00:42:58,701 --> 00:43:01,283
is like kissing your ass for most people.

687
00:43:02,622 --> 00:43:04,283
Absolutely right.

688
00:43:06,292 --> 00:43:09,705
It's weird. One can become quite detached from reality
when one's famous.

689
00:43:09,796 --> 00:43:11,002
Really.

690
00:43:11,714 --> 00:43:14,126
That sounds so cool.

691
00:43:14,217 --> 00:43:16,458
Yeah, it can be.

692
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:24,679
So, Sally, I've seen your tapes, and
I think you're very talented.

693
00:43:25,269 --> 00:43:28,352
Really? You do?
Well, moderately.

694
00:43:29,190 --> 00:43:30,976
But beyond that...

695
00:43:31,234 --> 00:43:32,644
Beyond that?

696
00:43:33,361 --> 00:43:35,192
I think I like you.

697
00:43:37,323 --> 00:43:39,154
I don't mean romantically,
I mean,

698
00:43:41,077 --> 00:43:43,568
I think I like you as a human being.

699
00:43:49,377 --> 00:43:51,368
So have you ever been in a Ferrari before?

700
00:43:51,462 --> 00:43:53,327
Yeah, yeah, tons of times.

701
00:43:55,675 --> 00:43:58,883
You know, sometimes, I'll be driving my Enzo
down Mulholland Drive,

702
00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:02,383
really gunning it. I'll look at the little railing
at the side of the road

703
00:44:02,473 --> 00:44:04,805
and the steep drop just beyond that, and I'll think,

704
00:44:04,892 --> 00:44:08,601
"Wouldn't it be great just to shoot off the edge
of the cliff?"

705
00:44:09,230 --> 00:44:12,063
Wouldn't that be fun?
Mr. Tweed, I...

706
00:44:12,150 --> 00:44:15,108
No, no, no, no, no. Don't call me "Mr.
Tweed." Call me "Tweedy."

707
00:44:15,194 --> 00:44:18,812
Like "Tweety Bird," but with a "D"?
Exactly, yeah.

708
00:44:19,532 --> 00:44:23,866
You know, my mum used to say to me,
"Martin, you have no talent.

709
00:44:23,995 --> 00:44:25,826
"No one will ever love you."

710
00:44:25,913 --> 00:44:29,497
Well, look at me now, Mum!
Look where no talent will get you!

711
00:44:29,792 --> 00:44:32,124
You jealous, drunk old bitch.

712
00:44:32,336 --> 00:44:34,122
Really, that's...
That's great.

713
00:44:34,213 --> 00:44:37,580
But, Tweedy, can you...
Can you help me win?

714
00:44:37,842 --> 00:44:40,675
Because I would do absolutely anything
to win this show.

715
00:44:40,761 --> 00:44:44,049
I'd love to help you, Sally,
but there's only so much I can do.

716
00:44:44,140 --> 00:44:46,756
It's down to you.
You've got to make the people love you.

717
00:44:46,851 --> 00:44:50,184
The way that they love you?
Nope. Nobody loves me.

718
00:44:51,022 --> 00:44:54,560
My mum was right about that.
But it's fine. I don't care.

719
00:44:55,026 --> 00:44:58,359
I don't want the fake bullshit that passes for love
in this world.

720
00:44:58,446 --> 00:45:02,439
Well, you don't have to worry about me. I'm not
even sure that I like you.

721
00:45:02,992 --> 00:45:04,573
Wow.

722
00:45:04,660 --> 00:45:06,651
My God, I can't believe I just said that out loud.

723
00:45:06,746 --> 00:45:08,486
I never say stuff like that out loud.

724
00:45:08,581 --> 00:45:10,867
Oh, I think you are a rapacious little bitch.

725
00:45:10,958 --> 00:45:13,745
Well, Ithink
you're a self-involved, preening idiot.

726
00:45:13,836 --> 00:45:16,748
Sociopathic, egomaniacal, Madonna wannabe.

727
00:45:16,839 --> 00:45:18,795
No-talent, famous-for-being-famous,

728
00:45:18,883 --> 00:45:20,999
third-rate, Regis Philbin clone!

729
00:45:23,387 --> 00:45:26,003
So, at the mail today, I upgraded my plan
to 5,000 minutes,

730
00:45:26,098 --> 00:45:27,213
but it's a family plan.

731
00:45:27,308 --> 00:45:30,266
Thank you, Auntie.
- You should've gotten 10,000.

732
00:45:30,436 --> 00:45:32,222
Um, Iqbal?
Yeah.

733
00:45:33,147 --> 00:45:34,808
Something very odd happened today.

734
00:45:35,316 --> 00:45:36,647
It's funny, really.

735
00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:40,647
You see, uh, these people from the American Dreamz
television show came by.

736
00:45:44,116 --> 00:45:46,402
Yeah?
And, uh...

737
00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:50,862
And?
And, uh, I was using your stage,

738
00:45:50,957 --> 00:45:52,913
and they heard me singing, and they want me to be
on the show.

739
00:45:53,501 --> 00:45:54,616
Mmm.

740
00:45:56,462 --> 00:46:00,922
I'm sorry. Did you say they want you
to sing on the show?

741
00:46:01,050 --> 00:46:02,165
Mmm-hmm.

742
00:46:02,385 --> 00:46:03,465
Isn't that amusing?

743
00:46:03,636 --> 00:46:05,467
Holy crap.
- Shazzy.

744
00:46:06,305 --> 00:46:08,466
Congratulations, Omer!
Thank you.

745
00:46:08,557 --> 00:46:10,798
"Congratulations, Omer!"
That's what you have to say!

746
00:46:10,893 --> 00:46:12,679
"Congratulations, Omer!"

747
00:46:13,145 --> 00:46:15,978
Do you know how hard I have worked
to get on this show?

748
00:46:16,065 --> 00:46:17,896
You've stolen my dream!

749
00:46:17,984 --> 00:46:21,522
I'm so sorry. I told them. I told them
they had made a mistake.

750
00:46:22,113 --> 00:46:23,228
But do not worry.

751
00:46:23,322 --> 00:46:27,190
Iwill... IwiII simply refuse to be on
the television show. Yes?

752
00:46:27,285 --> 00:46:29,776
Yes, and then they must take you instead.

753
00:46:29,870 --> 00:46:31,656
They don't want me.

754
00:46:32,456 --> 00:46:35,163
Nobody wants me!

755
00:46:35,543 --> 00:46:38,376
Nonsense, sweetheart. We all love you.

756
00:46:39,630 --> 00:46:42,872
Is that going to make me famous?
I don't think so.

757
00:46:52,226 --> 00:46:55,263
Next week,
the exciting premiere episode of American Dreamz.

758
00:46:55,354 --> 00:46:58,642
Which of these hopefuls will live the next
American dream?

759
00:47:04,113 --> 00:47:07,150
Wait. Rewind the TiVo.

760
00:47:12,872 --> 00:47:14,203
Pause it.

761
00:47:17,752 --> 00:47:20,209
Hello.
Hello, Mrs. Riza.

762
00:47:20,629 --> 00:47:23,587
Is Omer at home, please?
- Yes, he is.

763
00:47:24,383 --> 00:47:26,795
Who shall I say is asking for him?

764
00:47:26,886 --> 00:47:29,298
Just some friends.

765
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:33,301
Come in, please.

766
00:47:40,191 --> 00:47:43,399
Sun block, anyone?
- Yes. Thank you, Auntie.

767
00:47:43,486 --> 00:47:44,601
Sure.

768
00:47:45,154 --> 00:47:48,317
Now, lam going to bring you boys a little treat.

769
00:47:48,783 --> 00:47:50,114
Thank you.

770
00:47:57,708 --> 00:48:00,199
Very cushy situation you have here.

771
00:48:02,088 --> 00:48:05,251
No pool?
No. No, just the Jacuzzi.

772
00:48:10,346 --> 00:48:14,134
The Western Command has learned of you
being chosen to sing and dance

773
00:48:14,225 --> 00:48:18,559
on a hedonistic television show aptly named
American Dreamz.

774
00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:22,893
Wow. You guys heard about that?

775
00:48:25,319 --> 00:48:27,150
It's all a big mistake, you see.

776
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:30,230
They got me mixed up with my cousin

777
00:48:30,658 --> 00:48:34,526
because I would never engage
in such a frivolous activity.

778
00:48:35,121 --> 00:48:38,579
In fact, I'm going to tell them
I will not be on the show.

779
00:48:38,707 --> 00:48:40,868
You are to do no such thing.

780
00:48:41,127 --> 00:48:43,209
You are to perform on the show.

781
00:48:43,295 --> 00:48:45,832
And you must get to the championship round

782
00:48:45,923 --> 00:48:48,130
because judging the championship round

783
00:48:48,217 --> 00:48:52,176
will be none other than the President of
the United States of America.

784
00:48:53,389 --> 00:48:54,879
The President?

785
00:48:55,182 --> 00:48:57,389
When you are onstage with the President,

786
00:48:57,476 --> 00:49:00,092
you will have smuggled in an explosive belt.

787
00:49:00,354 --> 00:49:02,766
And you are to martyr yourself,

788
00:49:02,857 --> 00:49:06,099
killing, in the process, the head of the serpent.

789
00:49:07,111 --> 00:49:09,602
What if I don't make it to the final round?

790
00:49:09,697 --> 00:49:12,780
Omer, folks don't call me "The Torturer"

791
00:49:12,867 --> 00:49:15,028
because I don't like to torture people.

792
00:49:15,119 --> 00:49:16,154
You know what I mean?

793
00:49:19,206 --> 00:49:22,664
Now, who would like to try some grapefruit sorbet?

794
00:49:26,547 --> 00:49:28,003
In a busy political week

795
00:49:28,090 --> 00:49:30,456
capped by a marked increase in his approval ratings,

796
00:49:30,551 --> 00:49:32,007
the President has stepped back

797
00:49:32,094 --> 00:49:34,506
into the public eye in a string of high-profile events.

798
00:49:34,597 --> 00:49:37,384
Earlier this week, he hosted the Ukrainian President,

799
00:49:37,475 --> 00:49:40,717
lifted weights with the head of the Organization
of African States,

800
00:49:40,811 --> 00:49:42,893
spent some time with his dog, Henry,

801
00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:46,313
and chatted with Carmen Electra at a black-tie event.

802
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:47,856
Thank you.
You come back now, all right?

803
00:49:47,943 --> 00:49:49,479
Okay.
Nice meeting you. Okay.

804
00:49:51,322 --> 00:49:54,906
After weeks of seclusion, suddenly,
the President is everywhere,

805
00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:56,323
even signing on to guest judge

806
00:49:56,410 --> 00:49:59,823
the finale of the top-rated television show
American Dreamz.

807
00:49:59,914 --> 00:50:02,246
You hear that? We're back.

808
00:50:03,375 --> 00:50:05,240
All right. Now hold still.

809
00:50:08,005 --> 00:50:09,211
It tickles.

810
00:50:09,298 --> 00:50:12,040
You want to wear this thing all night? Then sit still.

811
00:50:16,180 --> 00:50:19,638
This thing is incredible.
Great reception.

812
00:50:21,227 --> 00:50:24,219
I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier.

813
00:50:24,688 --> 00:50:28,556
Hell of a week, sir! You really got back on message.

814
00:50:28,651 --> 00:50:31,267
That's because you're telling me what the message is.

815
00:50:31,362 --> 00:50:32,602
Exactly.

816
00:50:33,781 --> 00:50:36,773
I just love that Carmen Electra. Thanks.

817
00:50:37,368 --> 00:50:39,609
I would have never had the courage to go up

818
00:50:39,703 --> 00:50:42,285
and talk to her by myself face to face.

819
00:50:43,207 --> 00:50:44,697
Engaging girl.

820
00:50:45,751 --> 00:50:47,412
Good night, Mr. President.

821
00:50:59,098 --> 00:51:01,885
One and two. Three and four.

822
00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:03,344
Five...

823
00:51:04,228 --> 00:51:05,343
Hey.

824
00:51:06,063 --> 00:51:07,143
What are you doing?

825
00:51:07,231 --> 00:51:10,439
Nothing. Nothing.
I'm just rehearsing some dance steps.

826
00:51:10,526 --> 00:51:11,732
Oh.

827
00:51:11,860 --> 00:51:13,350
Look, Iqbal.

828
00:51:14,321 --> 00:51:16,277
I am so sorry...
Stop.

829
00:51:18,075 --> 00:51:21,567
I don't want your pity.
Does it look like I need pity?

830
00:51:22,496 --> 00:51:25,112
No, no, no.
You have far too much dignity.

831
00:51:25,207 --> 00:51:29,200
If these people know nothing about talent,
there's not much I can do about it, is there?

832
00:51:32,089 --> 00:51:35,047
So let's see it.
Let's see your dance steps.

833
00:51:36,844 --> 00:51:38,175
All right.

834
00:51:41,515 --> 00:51:44,427
One and two. Three and four.

835
00:51:44,935 --> 00:51:46,050
What?

836
00:51:46,145 --> 00:51:48,511
Oh, there's no way you're gonna win this thing.

837
00:51:49,106 --> 00:51:51,097
I know. I fear as much.

838
00:52:00,659 --> 00:52:02,240
Are you sure?

839
00:52:02,328 --> 00:52:04,614
Do it. Before I change my mind.

840
00:52:06,665 --> 00:52:08,951
Okay. Now this is just the bass track.

841
00:52:09,043 --> 00:52:10,499
It's good to practice moves to.

842
00:52:10,586 --> 00:52:13,043
Mmm-mmm, ldon't like this kind of music.
It's just a bass track.

843
00:52:13,422 --> 00:52:14,912
It's just for rehearsal!

844
00:52:16,592 --> 00:52:17,832
Okay.

845
00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:24,054
Now, one problem you have is you move like a
re-animated corpse in a zombie movie.

846
00:52:24,141 --> 00:52:25,381
Not good.

847
00:52:25,643 --> 00:52:27,224
You need to loosen up.

848
00:52:28,103 --> 00:52:30,139
Okay. Come on, let's go.

849
00:52:30,230 --> 00:52:32,221
Free-form jazz dancing, right now, immediately.

850
00:52:32,358 --> 00:52:34,565
Iqbal, why are you helping me?

851
00:52:35,152 --> 00:52:37,063
I destroyed your dream.

852
00:52:38,113 --> 00:52:39,273
Yeah.

853
00:52:40,032 --> 00:52:41,317
You did.

854
00:52:41,867 --> 00:52:43,653
But that was yesterday.

855
00:52:44,078 --> 00:52:47,411
Today, I've turned a page on a new chapter in my life.

856
00:52:47,581 --> 00:52:51,119
I'm not sure being a performer
was ever what I was really meant for.

857
00:52:51,460 --> 00:52:54,952
I'm more of a behind-the-scenes player. A puppeteer.

858
00:52:55,089 --> 00:52:56,795
A Svengali, if you will.

859
00:52:58,634 --> 00:53:00,170
As of today,

860
00:53:01,011 --> 00:53:02,751
I'm your manager.

861
00:53:04,014 --> 00:53:08,599
This is Martin Tweed, and I am
in the small town of Padookie, Ohio.

862
00:53:09,061 --> 00:53:11,552
Our first dream starts right here,

863
00:53:11,647 --> 00:53:15,731
where local chanteuse Sally Kendoo
hopes her dream comes true.

864
00:53:16,527 --> 00:53:19,610
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

865
00:53:19,780 --> 00:53:24,490
It was always Sally's idea to perform, not mine.

866
00:53:25,619 --> 00:53:28,531
I mean, she's been wanting to do this since
she was six months old.

867
00:53:28,997 --> 00:53:30,328
Sing!

868
00:53:31,917 --> 00:53:35,660
She did it before. She's just shy.
Come on, honey. Sing!

869
00:53:36,088 --> 00:53:39,956
The last remaining business on Main Street is
Harry's Hangdown Bar and Grill

870
00:53:40,426 --> 00:53:42,542
where Sally works as a part-time waitress.

871
00:53:42,928 --> 00:53:44,839
The Hangdown is a home away from home

872
00:53:44,930 --> 00:53:47,262
for the largely unemployed male population of Padookie.

873
00:53:53,021 --> 00:53:54,602
Come Oh! Yeah!

874
00:53:54,982 --> 00:53:58,019
Sally's high-school sweetheart
is a decorated war veteran,

875
00:53:58,110 --> 00:53:59,816
a real American hero.

876
00:54:01,655 --> 00:54:05,489
And halfway across America, hailing from
halfway around the world,

877
00:54:05,576 --> 00:54:08,989
Omer Obeidi lives with his cousins, the Riza Family.

878
00:54:09,204 --> 00:54:11,866
A refugee from the mayhem of the Middle East.

879
00:54:11,957 --> 00:54:15,825
I cannot believe my good fortune
to be competing on the Show.

880
00:54:16,837 --> 00:54:19,670
This is truly an American dream come true.

881
00:54:20,549 --> 00:54:21,709
Now.

882
00:54:22,259 --> 00:54:23,465
Now.

883
00:54:23,677 --> 00:54:26,669
America, you will be Omerized.

884
00:54:28,724 --> 00:54:32,216
Like any American kid,
Omer likes to hang out at the mall

885
00:54:32,311 --> 00:54:34,051
where his posse all know him.

886
00:54:34,313 --> 00:54:36,099
Omer! American Dreamz, baby!

887
00:54:36,190 --> 00:54:38,272
Yo, Big O! I like your style.

888
00:54:38,358 --> 00:54:40,974
O-mizzer!
That's my dawg right there!

889
00:54:41,069 --> 00:54:42,934
Keep it real, man!
Remember that. Keep it real.

890
00:54:43,030 --> 00:54:44,895
There may not be peace in the Middle East,

891
00:54:44,990 --> 00:54:46,981
but there is Middle East in this piece,

892
00:54:47,075 --> 00:54:51,660
as we visit cantor Sholem Glickstein,
recent Israeli immigrant.

893
00:54:51,997 --> 00:54:53,407
I wish Omer luck.

894
00:54:53,791 --> 00:54:56,999
I wish all of the contestants luck,
because I'm coming for them.

895
00:54:57,085 --> 00:54:58,200
Do you hear that?

896
00:54:58,295 --> 00:55:01,708
Do you hear that?
I am coming for you, bitches! I am coming for you!

897
00:55:01,965 --> 00:55:04,206
Huh? Looks great.

898
00:55:04,343 --> 00:55:07,176
Big day tomorrow, boss.
You fired up?

899
00:55:07,554 --> 00:55:10,671
Yes. I am fired up.

900
00:55:14,812 --> 00:55:16,473
Debra?
Yes.

901
00:55:17,356 --> 00:55:19,096
Do you think I'm lovable?

902
00:55:20,150 --> 00:55:21,435
Lovable?

903
00:55:21,693 --> 00:55:25,106
Yeah. Yes, sure, very.

904
00:55:26,657 --> 00:55:27,988
Frank?

905
00:55:29,493 --> 00:55:32,576
I love you. That's all I know.

906
00:55:36,416 --> 00:55:38,407
Okay, thanks. You can go.

907
00:56:01,567 --> 00:56:04,980
Welcome! Welcome! Welcome back, America!

908
00:56:05,487 --> 00:56:07,148
Boo!
- Boo!

909
00:56:07,906 --> 00:56:10,272
I'm Martin Tweed, and I am so delighted to be back

910
00:56:10,367 --> 00:56:12,403
with another exciting season of American Dreamz.

911
00:56:14,413 --> 00:56:18,122
We have some amazing dreamers who are gonna perform
for you tonight.

912
00:56:18,208 --> 00:56:20,870
Some will triumph. Some will sink back into obscurity.

913
00:56:21,003 --> 00:56:23,790
Only one will become America's newest sensation.

914
00:56:23,881 --> 00:56:25,087
It's up to you, America.

915
00:56:25,173 --> 00:56:28,006
Only you have the awesome power to lift someone up
into the heavens

916
00:56:28,093 --> 00:56:29,424
and create a new star.

917
00:56:29,511 --> 00:56:31,672
And here are your dreamers!

918
00:56:42,941 --> 00:56:45,182
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Come on, watch your step! Watch your step!

919
00:56:45,277 --> 00:56:48,144
GO, go, go, go! Come on, get on up!

920
00:56:48,238 --> 00:56:50,854
Let's go! GO! Move it out! Move it!

921
00:57:14,765 --> 00:57:18,223
I’d like to dedicate this song to a real American hero.

922
00:57:18,435 --> 00:57:21,097
My boyfriend, William Williams.

923
00:57:24,691 --> 00:57:29,230
He risked his life for our freedom,
and that's a real American dream.

924
00:57:34,993 --> 00:57:41,034
Mommy, don't drink me to bed tonight

925
00:57:41,750 --> 00:57:47,620
What's gotten into your head tonight?

926
00:57:48,006 --> 00:57:50,622
Did I make you mad?

927
00:57:51,385 --> 00:57:54,092
Is that why you're sad?

928
00:57:55,222 --> 00:58:01,138
Daddy, where have you been all my life?

929
00:58:01,853 --> 00:58:04,560
Mommy said that

930
00:58:04,773 --> 00:58:07,606
You got a new wife

931
00:58:07,859 --> 00:58:11,101
And there’s nothing to do

932
00:58:11,405 --> 00:58:14,238
But I know that’s not true

933
00:58:14,533 --> 00:58:18,025
And there’s no one to hold me

934
00:58:18,495 --> 00:58:21,157
Close when I cry

935
00:58:21,790 --> 00:58:24,702
To rock me so gentle

936
00:58:24,918 --> 00:58:27,910
Till the storm passes by

937
00:58:28,839 --> 00:58:31,330
And I’m just a kid

938
00:58:31,675 --> 00:58:35,042
But I know it ain't right

939
00:58:36,847 --> 00:58:43,719
So, Mommy, don't drink me to bed tonight

940
00:58:58,827 --> 00:59:00,158
Sally.

941
00:59:02,664 --> 00:59:04,495
I think you're terrific.

942
00:59:04,833 --> 00:59:08,872
In fact, I think you have star quality.

943
00:59:09,588 --> 00:59:11,374
Thank you, Mr. Tweed.

944
00:59:14,217 --> 00:59:15,923
Sally Kendoo.

945
00:59:19,681 --> 00:59:22,423
Girl, let's not be friends

946
00:59:22,517 --> 00:59:24,508
’Cause we've shared too much

947
00:59:24,603 --> 00:59:29,518
Girl, you know that I'm yearning for your touch

948
00:59:29,608 --> 00:59:33,977
'Cause I can't be less than your everything

949
00:59:34,362 --> 00:59:36,648
'Cause I'll lay down and cry

950
00:59:36,740 --> 00:59:39,072
I’ll curl up and die

951
00:59:39,159 --> 00:59:43,823
Don't let this be how my story ends

952
00:59:43,955 --> 00:59:46,287
It’s love or goodbye

953
00:59:46,374 --> 00:59:48,990
So let's not be friends

954
00:59:49,294 --> 00:59:51,831
I’m a rocking man

955
00:59:51,963 --> 00:59:55,000
I’m a genuine rocking man

956
00:59:55,092 --> 00:59:59,301
I’m a rock, rock, rock, Rocking man!

957
01:00:01,056 --> 01:00:04,389
I’m a rock, rock, rock

958
01:00:04,601 --> 01:00:06,637
I never felt

959
01:00:07,104 --> 01:00:09,811
This way

960
01:00:10,565 --> 01:00:16,481
Before

961
01:00:16,905 --> 01:00:21,114
Girl, you know I want you I got a rocket launcher

962
01:00:21,201 --> 01:00:23,988
So, baby let's get raunchy tonight

963
01:00:24,079 --> 01:00:26,115
Let's get raunchy tonight

964
01:00:26,206 --> 01:00:29,994
I don't want to taunt you
Or take you out and flaunt you

965
01:00:30,085 --> 01:00:32,792
So, baby Let's get raunchy, all right

966
01:00:32,879 --> 01:00:35,621
Let's get raunchy, baby

967
01:00:44,558 --> 01:00:45,547
Sholem.

968
01:00:46,601 --> 01:00:48,717
I only have two words for you.

969
01:00:48,937 --> 01:00:50,268
Maze! Tov!

970
01:00:50,939 --> 01:00:53,521
No, you were wonderful.
Really, wonderful.

971
01:00:54,985 --> 01:00:58,022
Good news, Pauly.
I don't want to be your friend.

972
01:00:58,113 --> 01:01:00,695
In fact, you make me want to projectile vomit.

973
01:01:01,950 --> 01:01:06,910
Bobby, I think my ears are actually bleeding.
You are like a musical Ebola virus.

974
01:01:07,164 --> 01:01:08,995
Cindy, uh...

975
01:01:09,916 --> 01:01:12,157
I’m afraid I have felt this way before.

976
01:01:12,252 --> 01:01:15,961
And it was just before I tried to kill myself.
Sorry, love.

977
01:01:18,216 --> 01:01:19,422
Sorry.

978
01:01:21,887 --> 01:01:23,343
I hate you!

979
01:01:24,222 --> 01:01:25,712
Nice girl. Cindy.

980
01:01:35,108 --> 01:01:36,188
Hmm.

981
01:01:36,443 --> 01:01:37,774
Here he is.

982
01:01:40,238 --> 01:01:41,694
Fantastic, Omer.

983
01:01:48,538 --> 01:01:51,029
Don't clap.
No, no, of course.

984
01:01:55,629 --> 01:01:57,244
To dream

985
01:01:57,339 --> 01:02:00,081
The impossible dream

986
01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:05,294
To fight

987
01:02:05,388 --> 01:02:09,427
The unbeatable foe

988
01:02:10,727 --> 01:02:12,968
To bear

989
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:17,189
With unbearable sorrow

990
01:02:18,944 --> 01:02:22,653
To run where the brave dare not go

991
01:02:22,739 --> 01:02:25,856
What the hell is that?
He looks like he stepped on a scorpion.

992
01:02:26,034 --> 01:02:28,616
This is my quest

993
01:02:28,703 --> 01:02:31,740
To follow that star

994
01:02:31,831 --> 01:02:34,618
No matter how hopeless

995
01:02:34,709 --> 01:02:37,576
No matter how far

996
01:02:37,671 --> 01:02:40,128
To fight for the right

997
01:02:40,382 --> 01:02:43,294
Without question or pause

998
01:02:43,385 --> 01:02:46,627
To be willing to march into hell

999
01:02:46,721 --> 01:02:50,259
For a heavenly cause

1000
01:02:50,350 --> 01:02:52,636
GO, Omer. Go.

1001
01:02:53,395 --> 01:02:57,183
To reach the unreachable star

1002
01:02:59,359 --> 01:03:01,850
You have been Omerized! Pah!

1003
01:03:15,500 --> 01:03:16,706
Omer,

1004
01:03:17,502 --> 01:03:19,413
that was strange.

1005
01:03:19,838 --> 01:03:21,248
Strange,

1006
01:03:22,632 --> 01:03:24,168
but rather wonderful.

1007
01:03:25,010 --> 01:03:27,046
I think I have been Omerized.

1008
01:03:27,137 --> 01:03:29,344
I think I might be Omer-sexual.

1009
01:03:53,455 --> 01:03:55,491
Oh, my God!

1010
01:03:58,585 --> 01:03:59,791
Yes!

1011
01:04:00,420 --> 01:04:02,581
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

1012
01:04:02,922 --> 01:04:04,162
Yes!

1013
01:04:28,448 --> 01:04:32,782
They came on boats from across the sea

1014
01:04:34,621 --> 01:04:37,033
From faraway places

1015
01:04:37,123 --> 01:04:39,705
And far distant lands

1016
01:04:41,336 --> 01:04:43,292
And still they come

1017
01:04:43,671 --> 01:04:47,129
To a place where they're free

1018
01:04:48,051 --> 01:04:50,133
They fly in on planes

1019
01:04:50,303 --> 01:04:53,511
With hope in their hands

1020
01:04:54,057 --> 01:04:56,673
Sometimes it feels

1021
01:04:56,976 --> 01:04:59,888
Like we're stuffed to the seams

1022
01:05:00,355 --> 01:05:04,724
But it's everyone's God-given right

1023
01:05:06,319 --> 01:05:09,527
To follow their dreams

1024
01:05:09,614 --> 01:05:11,821
My American dream

1025
01:05:12,784 --> 01:05:15,651
Will come true for me

1026
01:05:16,037 --> 01:05:17,777
My American dream

1027
01:05:17,872 --> 01:05:21,581
For all to see

1028
01:05:23,128 --> 01:05:26,211
Every woman and man

1029
01:05:26,673 --> 01:05:30,040
Has their own destiny

1030
01:05:31,052 --> 01:05:35,170
To dream American Dreamz

1031
01:05:35,473 --> 01:05:37,634
Dreamz with a Z

1032
01:05:37,725 --> 01:05:42,094
To dream American Dreamz

1033
01:05:42,188 --> 01:05:45,021
Dreamz with a Z

1034
01:05:46,401 --> 01:05:48,983
We began the show with 50 dreamers.

1035
01:05:49,529 --> 01:05:51,770
Now we're down to just three.

1036
01:05:54,993 --> 01:05:56,358
Boo.
- Boo!

1037
01:05:57,328 --> 01:05:58,864
How are you doing?

1038
01:05:59,581 --> 01:06:01,162
You all right?

1039
01:06:02,542 --> 01:06:04,783
And the two finalists

1040
01:06:12,677 --> 01:06:16,295
will be revealed after this commercial break brought
to you by American Motors,

1041
01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:20,132
introducing The Tank, 50 % larger than the next
biggest SUV on the road,

1042
01:06:20,226 --> 01:06:21,511
because you need it.

1043
01:06:22,187 --> 01:06:25,475
And we're out!
Come on, people. Hair and makeup, let's go, let's go.

1044
01:06:26,608 --> 01:06:28,974
All right. Give me some room over here, Travis.

1045
01:06:29,068 --> 01:06:32,856
Calm, calm, calm, calm.
Thank you, thank you very much.

1046
01:06:33,198 --> 01:06:35,814
Here you go. And you're supposed to be drinking this.

1047
01:06:35,909 --> 01:06:38,025
Must I?
Contractually, yes.

1048
01:06:38,119 --> 01:06:40,451
Your envelope.
Thank you.

1049
01:06:41,748 --> 01:06:43,784
All right, let's wrap it up.
Let's get it started.

1050
01:06:43,875 --> 01:06:44,910
Let's get the chairs out.
Let's go.

1051
01:06:45,001 --> 01:06:46,957
Get the lead out.
Big smiles, everyone.

1052
01:06:47,045 --> 01:06:50,378
Big smiles. And we're back. Three, two.

1053
01:06:50,757 --> 01:06:54,750
Mmm. Excuse me. Delicious. That's wildly refreshing.

1054
01:06:55,345 --> 01:06:59,133
And now, America, you have voted.

1055
01:07:10,944 --> 01:07:12,650
Sholem Glickstein?
Yeah.

1056
01:07:24,791 --> 01:07:26,122
You are

1057
01:07:28,545 --> 01:07:30,501
not a winner.

1058
01:07:35,760 --> 01:07:38,502
This week‘s winners who will move on to the
championship round

1059
01:07:38,596 --> 01:07:41,429
are Sally Kendoo and Omer Obeidi. And don't forget,

1060
01:07:41,516 --> 01:07:44,178
on next week's finale, special guest judge,
the President.

1061
01:07:53,027 --> 01:07:54,187
Honey?

1062
01:07:55,363 --> 01:07:57,445
I have a confession to make.

1063
01:07:59,909 --> 01:08:02,150
I haven't been taking my happy pills.

1064
01:08:02,245 --> 01:08:03,485
Oh.

1065
01:08:04,247 --> 01:08:07,159
Actually, I haven't been taking mine, either.

1066
01:08:07,292 --> 01:08:10,534
But you don't seem sad.
Well, I guess I'm not.

1067
01:08:11,296 --> 01:08:14,959
At first, those happy pills really helped me a lot.

1068
01:08:15,466 --> 01:08:20,051
But, eventually, I think they
were just kind of like placebos.

1069
01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:23,387
Placebos? Aren't they illegal?

1070
01:08:25,143 --> 01:08:29,352
No, Poopie. It means fake.

1071
01:08:33,067 --> 01:08:34,477
Well, yeah.

1072
01:08:34,652 --> 01:08:35,812
Well.

1073
01:08:38,948 --> 01:08:40,233
You know,

1074
01:08:41,284 --> 01:08:44,993
I guess I kind of feel like I'm a placebo.

1075
01:08:48,124 --> 01:08:51,161
I mean, I've had speech writers

1076
01:08:51,586 --> 01:08:53,702
writing for me all my career

1077
01:08:53,796 --> 01:08:56,879
and advisors telling me what positions to take.

1078
01:08:59,093 --> 01:09:03,006
I can't even remember why I wanted to get into
politics to begin with.

1079
01:09:04,641 --> 01:09:07,428
I think it's 'cause my mom wanted me to.

1080
01:09:08,519 --> 01:09:11,056
Show my dad any idiot could do it.

1081
01:09:12,190 --> 01:09:15,682
Maybe I ought to just chuck the whole thing.
What do you think?

1082
01:09:16,277 --> 01:09:18,689
Starting with that American Dreamz deal.

1083
01:09:18,780 --> 01:09:20,941
Don't you say that.

1084
01:09:22,325 --> 01:09:26,489
Do you remember what I said the first time I met you?

1085
01:09:27,288 --> 01:09:28,448
Yeah.

1086
01:09:28,748 --> 01:09:30,864
"Hey, jerk-off, you spilled your beer on me."

1087
01:09:33,127 --> 01:09:34,663
After that.

1088
01:09:35,421 --> 01:09:37,628
When you went and got that towel

1089
01:09:37,715 --> 01:09:41,674
and borrowed that T-shirt from one of your frat
brothers for me.

1090
01:09:42,512 --> 01:09:45,299
I said, "Now that there is a good guy."

1091
01:09:45,723 --> 01:09:47,839
And I still think so today.

1092
01:09:49,102 --> 01:09:53,436
So you just go on and be on that show.

1093
01:09:54,649 --> 01:09:59,143
And then, afterwards, we will tell Wally
no more earplugs, okay?

1094
01:10:01,364 --> 01:10:04,026
Well, how am I gonna knowwhat to say?

1095
01:10:05,535 --> 01:10:08,117
Well, we will think of it together.

1096
01:10:10,957 --> 01:10:12,197
Mmm-hmm.

1097
01:10:13,126 --> 01:10:14,582
Mmm.

1098
01:10:18,715 --> 01:10:20,706
Look at this! "Omer Mania!"

1099
01:10:21,050 --> 01:10:23,883
"America's newest mascot, adorable, hmm,

1100
01:10:24,345 --> 01:10:26,961
"Omer Obeidi has 'Omerized' the whole country."

1101
01:10:28,182 --> 01:10:30,093
It should have been me.

1102
01:10:31,018 --> 01:10:33,760
I mean, great, Omer! They love you!

1103
01:10:35,022 --> 01:10:36,307
Room service.

1104
01:10:37,859 --> 01:10:41,397
Hey, what are you gonna say
when you meet the President?

1105
01:10:41,612 --> 01:10:43,352
Uh, sorry?

1106
01:10:43,740 --> 01:10:46,402
"Sorry?"
Omer, you crack me up.

1107
01:10:46,534 --> 01:10:50,777
Okay, we got two orders spicy tuna hand rolls,
a plate of fresh fruit,

1108
01:10:50,872 --> 01:10:52,453
and some chimichangas.

1109
01:10:59,672 --> 01:11:02,379
Oh, you guys go ahead and start eating. I, uh...

1110
01:11:02,592 --> 01:11:06,335
I have to go talk to the waiter
in private for a moment.

1111
01:11:08,556 --> 01:11:09,716
SO...

1112
01:11:10,808 --> 01:11:13,720
You have become quite the famous man.

1113
01:11:14,687 --> 01:11:16,803
You know why they vote for you?

1114
01:11:16,898 --> 01:11:18,183
Because they like me?

1115
01:11:20,568 --> 01:11:23,275
Because you are a figure of fun to them.

1116
01:11:23,905 --> 01:11:27,238
They see you prancing and singing and they can
forget the terrors

1117
01:11:27,325 --> 01:11:30,613
they've inflicted on our lands
with their soldiers and weapons.

1118
01:11:31,329 --> 01:11:33,411
It could be. Yes, I guess.

1119
01:11:33,498 --> 01:11:35,409
But I have to hand it to you.

1120
01:11:35,500 --> 01:11:39,368
You have put us in a wonderful position to
strike them a crippling blow.

1121
01:11:43,174 --> 01:11:45,165
About that crippling blow.

1122
01:11:45,802 --> 01:11:47,508
I really don't know how I'm supposed to do it.

1123
01:11:47,595 --> 01:11:50,086
You see, really, there Is a lot of security there.

1124
01:11:50,181 --> 01:11:53,264
All you have to do is get me and the rest of your
brothers on the guest list

1125
01:11:53,351 --> 01:11:55,262
for the studio audience.

1126
01:11:55,394 --> 01:11:59,137
We will smuggle in the explosive device In pieces,
assemble it there,

1127
01:11:59,273 --> 01:12:01,013
and then you must only retrieve it

1128
01:12:01,108 --> 01:12:04,771
in the toilet-seat-cover dispenser
in the men's bathroom.

1129
01:12:04,987 --> 01:12:07,899
Then, when you meet the President

1130
01:12:08,241 --> 01:12:11,028
and shake his hand live on television,

1131
01:12:11,118 --> 01:12:13,234
you will ignite the device.

1132
01:12:13,996 --> 01:12:16,453
And I will see you in paradise.

1133
01:12:17,750 --> 01:12:19,706
You will be killed, too?

1134
01:12:20,002 --> 01:12:23,039
Not yet. It's a pretty small bomb.

1135
01:12:23,631 --> 01:12:26,293
But I'll see you up there in a few years, I'm sure.

1136
01:12:29,470 --> 01:12:33,804
So I'm just curious. How is this, uh,
Martin Tweed in person?

1137
01:12:37,895 --> 01:12:40,227
Sally, Sally, Sally. I am so proud of you.

1138
01:12:40,314 --> 01:12:43,522
I always knew you hada great voice, and now
the whole world knows it, too.

1139
01:12:43,609 --> 01:12:46,271
William, no, no. I have not won yet.

1140
01:12:46,362 --> 01:12:47,977
Everybody seems to be forgetting that.

1141
01:12:48,072 --> 01:12:51,530
You know, folks, mmm, they love that Middle Eastern guy.

1142
01:12:51,617 --> 01:12:53,323
They love you more.

1143
01:12:53,578 --> 01:12:57,412
They love us more. You know how many hits we got
on our website last night?

1144
01:12:57,498 --> 01:12:59,159
Sixteen million.

1145
01:13:00,001 --> 01:13:02,208
Congratulations.
Thank you.

1146
01:13:03,129 --> 01:13:04,790
God, William.

1147
01:13:04,881 --> 01:13:07,964
You make me feel bad. Why do you care so much about me?

1148
01:13:08,134 --> 01:13:09,465
Why?

1149
01:13:10,511 --> 01:13:14,550
Because, honey, you are my dream girl.

1150
01:13:14,807 --> 01:13:16,172
Yuck. Ugh!

1151
01:13:16,267 --> 01:13:18,474
I can't stand looking at those damn French fries
anymore.

1152
01:13:18,561 --> 01:13:20,267
Just cover them up or something.

1153
01:13:20,938 --> 01:13:22,894
Sally Kendoo, I love you.

1154
01:13:23,024 --> 01:13:25,356
Okay? I love you.

1155
01:13:25,568 --> 01:13:28,184
I love how you binge eat and then starve yourself.

1156
01:13:28,279 --> 01:13:30,486
I love how pretty you sing, whether it's in the shower

1157
01:13:30,573 --> 01:13:32,689
or in front of millions of TV viewers.

1158
01:13:32,783 --> 01:13:37,322
I look at you, and | see that same girl that I fell
in love with in high school.

1159
01:13:38,039 --> 01:13:40,872
And I'd like to know, right here and now,

1160
01:13:41,667 --> 01:13:46,001
if you'd help to make my dream come true and marry me?

1161
01:13:47,214 --> 01:13:48,624
Oh, my God.

1162
01:13:50,259 --> 01:13:51,715
Oh, my Lord.

1163
01:13:51,802 --> 01:13:54,088
Hold it right there! Nobody move.

1164
01:13:54,180 --> 01:13:56,262
Chet, what are you doing?
I'm calling the camera crew.

1165
01:13:56,349 --> 01:13:58,385
No, you're not.
Put the phone down, Chet.

1166
01:13:58,559 --> 01:14:00,925
Chet, put the phone down
right now!

1167
01:14:01,020 --> 01:14:02,351
Chet, put the phone down!

1168
01:14:02,438 --> 01:14:05,054
What? Are you kidding me?
This is great stuff.

1169
01:14:07,234 --> 01:14:09,190
And, William, stand up, please.
But...

1170
01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:10,609
Stand up.

1171
01:14:11,072 --> 01:14:14,735
Now, please understand.
I am so touched by your proposal

1172
01:14:14,825 --> 01:14:17,783
and the sweet things that you just said to me,

1173
01:14:18,245 --> 01:14:20,736
but right now is a really bad time.

1174
01:14:20,831 --> 01:14:22,412
Do it on the Show!

1175
01:14:22,500 --> 01:14:24,491
On the show?
Absolutely.

1176
01:14:24,585 --> 01:14:26,291
That's a great idea.

1177
01:14:26,379 --> 01:14:27,459
Really?
- Yes.

1178
01:14:27,546 --> 01:14:29,628
And do that thing about how,
every time you look at her,

1179
01:14:29,715 --> 01:14:31,876
you see the same girl you fell in love with
in high school.

1180
01:14:31,968 --> 01:14:35,005
You were listening?
I'm in the other room, man, so, yes.

1181
01:14:35,096 --> 01:14:38,338
And you. Hey, you! Are you still into
winning this thing?

1182
01:14:38,432 --> 01:14:41,515
Because this is what we in the biz call
"incredible television."

1183
01:14:41,602 --> 01:14:43,467
People are going to be in their living rooms, sobbing.

1184
01:14:43,562 --> 01:14:45,018
And then they're gonna be crawling over each other,

1185
01:14:45,106 --> 01:14:48,018
trying to get to the phone so they can call up
and vote for you!

1186
01:14:50,194 --> 01:14:54,608
Well, I'm up for it if you are, Sally.

1187
01:14:54,782 --> 01:14:56,113
Yes! This guy!

1188
01:14:56,200 --> 01:14:57,861
We are gonna get into this with the producers.

1189
01:14:57,952 --> 01:14:59,692
Can I see that ring for a second?

1190
01:14:59,787 --> 01:15:01,243
Wow, that's great.

1191
01:15:01,497 --> 01:15:03,453
We're gonna get a bigger one so that it plays on TV,

1192
01:15:03,541 --> 01:15:04,951
but there is nothing wrong with that ring.

1193
01:15:05,042 --> 01:15:06,498
Now, here's what I'm thinking,
Okay?

1194
01:15:06,585 --> 01:15:08,200
It's gonna be a special built around the wedding.

1195
01:15:08,295 --> 01:15:09,831
Do you sing at all, William?
I can sing a little bit.

1196
01:15:09,922 --> 01:15:11,128
I thought you could sing a little bit.

1197
01:15:11,215 --> 01:15:13,877
I think we're gonna call it
"Sally and William, sealed with a kiss."

1198
01:15:13,968 --> 01:15:15,378
What do you think about that?
I love that.

1199
01:15:15,469 --> 01:15:17,380
Yeah, I think everyone's gonna love that.

1200
01:15:53,007 --> 01:15:54,338
Hey, Omer?

1201
01:15:55,134 --> 01:15:56,920
Can I buy you a beer?

1202
01:15:57,219 --> 01:16:00,677
Oh, no, no, no, no. I do not drink. But thank you.

1203
01:16:06,353 --> 01:16:09,937
Hey, do you ever wonder why you're doing this whole
competition thing for?

1204
01:16:12,359 --> 01:16:14,020
Only every day.

1205
01:16:18,741 --> 01:16:21,027
But then I think of my mother.

1206
01:16:22,036 --> 01:16:24,368
She loved all types of singing.

1207
01:16:25,498 --> 01:16:27,409
It keeps me going on.

1208
01:16:34,632 --> 01:16:36,588
When I was 10 years old,

1209
01:16:37,760 --> 01:16:39,546
I weighed 200 pounds.

1210
01:16:41,555 --> 01:16:44,092
That is large.
Yeah.

1211
01:16:47,061 --> 01:16:50,929
And I told myself I would lose
90 pounds by the time I turned 14

1212
01:16:51,023 --> 01:16:52,058
or I would kill myself.

1213
01:16:54,735 --> 01:16:56,350
SO I lost the weight.

1214
01:16:56,570 --> 01:16:57,901
And, um...

1215
01:16:59,365 --> 01:17:01,651
I suddenly was really popular.

1216
01:17:01,742 --> 01:17:06,111
I had a whole new group of friends.
I had this cute boyfriend.

1217
01:17:06,580 --> 01:17:08,946
Even my teachers liked me better.

1218
01:17:09,917 --> 01:17:11,782
And my mom and I walked around the entire house,

1219
01:17:11,877 --> 01:17:15,495
collecting all the pictures of me when I was
fat and burned them.

1220
01:17:18,801 --> 01:17:20,337
I love my mom.

1221
01:17:27,309 --> 01:17:28,640
SO...

1222
01:17:30,437 --> 01:17:32,018
Good luck tomorrow.

1223
01:17:36,777 --> 01:17:39,143
Sorry I'm gonna have to destroy you.

1224
01:18:02,720 --> 01:18:04,711
Here is your chewing gum.

1225
01:18:05,055 --> 01:18:07,216
Remember, no blowing bubbles.

1226
01:18:13,022 --> 01:18:15,058
IS this really necessary?

1227
01:18:15,149 --> 01:18:19,017
Just a little bit higher. Oh, that's good.

1228
01:18:20,237 --> 01:18:23,695
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Give me a little bit more in here.

1229
01:18:23,782 --> 01:18:25,989
Take my moustache down a little bit, too.

1230
01:18:30,539 --> 01:18:33,326
My cousin's gonna bein the finale.

1231
01:18:45,638 --> 01:18:47,048
William?
Yeah, yeah.

1232
01:18:47,139 --> 01:18:49,130
Okay. Omer's gonna go on first.

1233
01:18:49,225 --> 01:18:52,012
Then, after Sally is done,
we're gonna hit you with a spotlight.

1234
01:18:52,102 --> 01:18:54,559
Then you're gonna go onstage and do your proposal.

1235
01:18:54,647 --> 01:18:55,762
Got it?
Got it.

1236
01:18:55,856 --> 01:18:58,393
All right. It's happening.

1237
01:18:59,526 --> 01:19:01,266
She's very excited.

1238
01:19:01,445 --> 01:19:03,561
It's a joyful moment.
Joyful.

1239
01:19:05,366 --> 01:19:08,449
Hi, Tweedy.
Hi, Sally.

1240
01:19:12,289 --> 01:19:15,952
Just wanted to say good luck tonight.

1241
01:19:16,043 --> 01:19:17,658
Mmm, thank you.

1242
01:19:17,836 --> 01:19:19,952
Could you just give us a quick second, please?

1243
01:19:20,047 --> 01:19:21,878
Sure, no problem. Thank you.

1244
01:19:27,346 --> 01:19:28,461
So, um...

1245
01:19:29,640 --> 01:19:31,505
I think you're going to win.

1246
01:19:32,851 --> 01:19:35,058
Novelty contestants never win the whole thing.

1247
01:19:35,145 --> 01:19:36,385
That's why I've been helping him along.

1248
01:19:36,480 --> 01:19:38,345
Thank you.

1249
01:19:42,027 --> 01:19:43,983
Hey, is something wrong?

1250
01:19:45,030 --> 01:19:46,190
No.

1251
01:19:47,533 --> 01:19:50,195
I mean, nothing beyond the usual creeping dread.

1252
01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:58,203
All right. Well, I'm sure you know at this point

1253
01:19:58,294 --> 01:20:01,252
that William is supposed to
propose to me on tonight's show.

1254
01:20:01,547 --> 01:20:02,662
Yeah.

1255
01:20:03,674 --> 01:20:06,962
Do you think it's bad of me to accept a proposal
from a man I don't love

1256
01:20:07,052 --> 01:20:09,634
in order to manipulate people into voting for me?

1257
01:20:11,015 --> 01:20:14,132
"Bad." Such a nebulous word, isn't it?

1258
01:20:14,268 --> 01:20:17,726
You know what I think?
I think everyone wants something.

1259
01:20:17,813 --> 01:20:19,474
William wants you.

1260
01:20:20,107 --> 01:20:24,020
Why?
Because he has this idea in his head Of what you are.

1261
01:20:25,154 --> 01:20:26,735
I don't think he cares if it's true or not,

1262
01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:29,234
just so long as he keeps his fantasy alive.

1263
01:20:29,325 --> 01:20:31,532
So I think he deserves what he gets.

1264
01:20:31,618 --> 01:20:34,655
He deserves to be miserable?
Why not?

1265
01:20:35,581 --> 01:20:37,367
You are, aren't you?

1266
01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:40,995
Despite your newfound fame and adulation?

1267
01:20:42,046 --> 01:20:43,126
Tweedy,

1268
01:20:43,213 --> 01:20:45,454
I sometimes feel like you're the only person
in the whole world

1269
01:20:45,549 --> 01:20:47,460
who really gets me.

1270
01:20:49,803 --> 01:20:50,883
Yeah.

1271
01:20:52,139 --> 01:20:55,427
Sometimes, I look at you, and I see my own reflection.

1272
01:20:56,101 --> 01:20:57,682
It's revolting.

1273
01:20:59,063 --> 01:21:02,931
And attractive.

1274
01:21:09,114 --> 01:21:10,445
Martin,

1275
01:21:12,201 --> 01:21:16,444
I'm not physically attracted to other people,
but if you want me,

1276
01:21:18,290 --> 01:21:19,575
I'm yours.

1277
01:21:21,502 --> 01:21:25,461
The problem is I find that, whenever
I become intimately involved

1278
01:21:26,548 --> 01:21:28,413
with a woman I admire,

1279
01:21:29,593 --> 01:21:32,756
it rapidly degenerates into mutual loathing.

1280
01:21:34,223 --> 01:21:36,259
I don't want that to happen to us.

1281
01:21:43,357 --> 01:21:45,063
Having said that...

1282
01:22:16,348 --> 01:22:18,009
Omer, are you okay?

1283
01:22:18,100 --> 01:22:21,092
Great. Great. Just a little nervous, I guess.

1284
01:22:22,271 --> 01:22:24,762
I just feel confused.
About what?

1285
01:22:24,940 --> 01:22:26,521
About this country.

1286
01:22:26,608 --> 01:22:28,189
You know, there are so many nice people here,

1287
01:22:28,277 --> 01:22:30,939
but it does so much harm in the world.

1288
01:22:31,363 --> 01:22:32,398
So?

1289
01:22:32,489 --> 01:22:36,198
So... Soto what degree is this
country culpable for its actions?

1290
01:22:36,952 --> 01:22:40,615
Are Americans to blame for America? And beyond that,

1291
01:22:41,498 --> 01:22:43,409
can causing someone else to suffer

1292
01:22:43,500 --> 01:22:46,116
ever truly ease one's own suffering?

1293
01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:50,921
Omer! You're wigging out.
That bitch deserves to suffer!

1294
01:22:51,633 --> 01:22:52,839
What bitch?

1295
01:22:52,968 --> 01:22:54,299
Sally! Who are you talking about?

1296
01:22:55,471 --> 01:22:56,802
Fifteen minutes, Omer.

1297
01:22:58,640 --> 01:23:01,507
Well, see, I think the dress works cause it flows nice.

1298
01:23:01,602 --> 01:23:03,809
The dress is gonna be a hit.

1299
01:23:05,731 --> 01:23:07,722
Hey, I'm gonna go run lines with Sally.

1300
01:23:07,816 --> 01:23:08,931
Well, don't be long.
- Okay.

1301
01:23:09,276 --> 01:23:10,265
Yeah.

1302
01:23:42,643 --> 01:23:45,350
Mr. President, it's such an honor to have you here.

1303
01:23:45,437 --> 01:23:47,098
Happy to be here.
Oh!

1304
01:24:19,179 --> 01:24:20,510
Whoa.

1305
01:24:23,559 --> 01:24:27,518
"Press here to explode yourself."

1306
01:24:30,274 --> 01:24:33,357
Where's Martin? Where the hell is Martin?
Has anybody seen Martin?

1307
01:24:33,443 --> 01:24:34,478
He's in there.

1308
01:24:34,736 --> 01:24:36,943
What the hell is he doing in there?

1309
01:24:37,614 --> 01:24:40,230
What are you doing? This isn't pretty.

1310
01:24:40,325 --> 01:24:41,440
What?

1311
01:24:48,417 --> 01:24:51,500
That's Sally and Mr. Tweed?
Yep.

1312
01:25:00,929 --> 01:25:03,591
Are you seeing anybody?
What?

1313
01:25:09,688 --> 01:25:12,179
It looks so much bigger on TV.

1314
01:25:12,649 --> 01:25:14,310
Hey, watch my foot, huh?

1315
01:25:17,070 --> 01:25:20,562
So do you feel filthy?
Not really.

1316
01:25:21,283 --> 01:25:22,864
How do you feel?

1317
01:25:28,373 --> 01:25:29,783
It's weird.

1318
01:25:31,543 --> 01:25:34,455
I don't actually loathe you. You, either.

1319
01:25:47,893 --> 01:25:50,134
Right. The President here yet?

1320
01:25:50,228 --> 01:25:52,389
Yeah! How you doing, everybody?

1321
01:25:55,776 --> 01:25:58,734
How many Omer fans do I have with me tonight?

1322
01:25:59,905 --> 01:26:01,065
Yeah!

1323
01:26:02,407 --> 01:26:06,400
And how many Sally fans do I have?
She can hear you in the back!

1324
01:26:09,748 --> 01:26:14,037
And now your host, Martin Tweed!

1325
01:26:23,303 --> 01:26:25,043
That's Martin Tweed.

1326
01:26:30,811 --> 01:26:33,223
Welcome, America.

1327
01:26:33,730 --> 01:26:36,847
Welcome, world. Welcome, everyone else.

1328
01:26:37,901 --> 01:26:39,391
Boo!
- Boo!

1329
01:26:43,198 --> 01:26:45,564
We've been through so much together.

1330
01:26:45,659 --> 01:26:49,572
We've laughed. We've cried. We've formed attachments.

1331
01:26:50,664 --> 01:26:53,246
And now, we’re down to just two.

1332
01:26:53,375 --> 01:26:56,867
And to help me help you judge tonight,

1333
01:26:56,962 --> 01:26:59,294
we’re welcoming a very special guest.

1334
01:26:59,506 --> 01:27:02,373
The President of this great country,

1335
01:27:03,093 --> 01:27:06,301
President Joseph Staton!

1336
01:27:10,350 --> 01:27:12,762
Thanks for having me on your show.

1337
01:27:22,279 --> 01:27:23,644
SO...

1338
01:27:23,739 --> 01:27:27,197
What do you think of these two great contestants,
Mr. President?

1339
01:27:27,826 --> 01:27:32,069
I think they exhibit what's best about America.

1340
01:27:34,082 --> 01:27:36,994
The spirit of resolve... The spirit of resolve

1341
01:27:37,085 --> 01:27:40,577
that makes this the greatest country in the world.

1342
01:27:42,841 --> 01:27:44,001
They know what they want...

1343
01:27:44,092 --> 01:27:46,504
They know what they want, and they go out and get it.

1344
01:27:46,595 --> 01:27:47,880
All right.

1345
01:27:49,347 --> 01:27:50,507
I'll be right back!

1346
01:27:50,599 --> 01:27:52,590
Omer! Where are you going?

1347
01:28:01,777 --> 01:28:04,268
Where's that interference coming from?

1348
01:28:04,613 --> 01:28:06,604
Turn that frigging thing off!

1349
01:28:06,698 --> 01:28:09,030
And turn that frigging thing off!

1350
01:28:10,952 --> 01:28:12,158
Oh!

1351
01:28:21,213 --> 01:28:23,454
Okay. Okay.

1352
01:28:24,591 --> 01:28:26,923
America, Mr. President,

1353
01:28:27,177 --> 01:28:32,137
without further ado, let me introduce America's
favorite Middle Eastern import,

1354
01:28:32,891 --> 01:28:35,257
Omer Obeidi!

1355
01:28:59,626 --> 01:29:01,457
Where the hell is he?

1356
01:29:01,586 --> 01:29:03,622
I don't know where he is... I'm going on!

1357
01:29:14,391 --> 01:29:15,847
GO, Omer!

1358
01:29:19,229 --> 01:29:21,891
My wife loves this guy.

1359
01:29:24,484 --> 01:29:28,898
And now the end is near

1360
01:29:30,574 --> 01:29:32,235
That's a bad call. That's Frank's song.

1361
01:29:32,325 --> 01:29:33,986
People aren't gonna respond to that.

1362
01:29:34,619 --> 01:29:36,405
Bold choice of song.

1363
01:29:36,955 --> 01:29:38,536
My friends

1364
01:29:39,291 --> 01:29:41,452
I’ll say it clear

1365
01:29:42,502 --> 01:29:45,084
I’ll state my case

1366
01:29:45,589 --> 01:29:48,205
Of which I'm certain

1367
01:29:49,551 --> 01:29:54,090
I’ve lived a life that's full

1368
01:29:54,973 --> 01:29:57,055
I’ve traveled each

1369
01:29:58,101 --> 01:30:01,389
And every highway

1370
01:30:02,272 --> 01:30:05,856
But more, much more than this

1371
01:30:07,235 --> 01:30:08,850
I did it

1372
01:30:09,487 --> 01:30:13,526
My way

1373
01:30:14,910 --> 01:30:19,495
I’ve loved I’ve laughed and cried

1374
01:30:20,415 --> 01:30:22,451
I’ve had my fill

1375
01:30:22,542 --> 01:30:24,658
Mr. President, what are you doing?

1376
01:30:24,753 --> 01:30:26,118
My share oflosing

1377
01:30:28,924 --> 01:30:32,587
And now, as tears subside

1378
01:30:33,094 --> 01:30:35,255
I find it all

1379
01:30:36,348 --> 01:30:38,464
So amusing

1380
01:30:39,935 --> 01:30:41,550
To think

1381
01:30:42,395 --> 01:30:44,761
I did all that

1382
01:30:45,565 --> 01:30:48,056
And may I say

1383
01:30:48,985 --> 01:30:52,102
Not in a shy way

1384
01:30:52,572 --> 01:30:54,153
Oh, no

1385
01:30:55,033 --> 01:30:57,115
Oh, no, not me

1386
01:30:57,661 --> 01:30:59,322
I did it

1387
01:30:59,996 --> 01:31:03,454
My way

1388
01:31:03,833 --> 01:31:07,325
For what is a man?

1389
01:31:07,712 --> 01:31:09,794
What has he got?

1390
01:31:10,757 --> 01:31:13,624
If not himself

1391
01:31:13,927 --> 01:31:15,463
Then he has naught

1392
01:31:15,553 --> 01:31:17,544
William Williams, you're a moron.

1393
01:31:18,014 --> 01:31:22,348
A moron. Stupid moron! Stupid moron!

1394
01:31:23,311 --> 01:31:26,519
And not the words

1395
01:31:26,731 --> 01:31:29,973
Of one who kneels

1396
01:31:30,068 --> 01:31:32,730
The record shows

1397
01:31:32,821 --> 01:31:35,403
I took the blows

1398
01:31:35,615 --> 01:31:37,856
And did it

1399
01:31:38,034 --> 01:31:42,949
My way

1400
01:31:48,503 --> 01:31:50,164
I love you, Mom.

1401
01:31:55,093 --> 01:31:56,754
He nailed it!

1402
01:31:58,138 --> 01:31:59,799
That's my cousin!

1403
01:32:11,568 --> 01:32:13,229
We're gonna stand up.

1404
01:32:25,415 --> 01:32:27,531
Omer, meet the President.

1405
01:32:28,460 --> 01:32:29,870
Nice to meet you, sir.

1406
01:32:29,961 --> 01:32:31,792
He's talking to him.

1407
01:32:33,506 --> 01:32:36,589
Uh, what'd you think of Omer tonight,
Mr. President?

1408
01:32:36,968 --> 01:32:38,629
What did I think? Um...

1409
01:32:39,637 --> 01:32:40,797
Um...

1410
01:32:41,222 --> 01:32:42,462
Mr. President?

1411
01:32:42,557 --> 01:32:43,637
What did I think?

1412
01:32:43,725 --> 01:32:46,057
Mr. President? Can you read me?

1413
01:32:46,895 --> 01:32:48,385
Ithink

1414
01:32:51,775 --> 01:32:53,231
Iliked you.

1415
01:32:53,985 --> 01:32:55,350
Thank you, sir.

1416
01:32:57,572 --> 01:32:58,937
GO ahead.

1417
01:33:00,366 --> 01:33:01,446
Do it!

1418
01:33:01,534 --> 01:33:03,741
And Ijust want to say,

1419
01:33:04,079 --> 01:33:06,240
in terms of the Middle East,

1420
01:33:08,500 --> 01:33:12,493
that it looks like the problems over there
are never going to be solved.

1421
01:33:13,421 --> 01:33:14,661
What?

1422
01:33:14,756 --> 01:33:16,087
I mean never.

1423
01:33:16,716 --> 01:33:19,332
Never, never, never, never, never.

1424
01:33:20,595 --> 01:33:21,926
And so

1425
01:33:24,641 --> 01:33:26,472
I'm sorry about that.

1426
01:33:26,559 --> 01:33:29,141
What the hell was that? I never said that!

1427
01:33:29,229 --> 01:33:30,890
Oh, Poopie.

1428
01:33:36,069 --> 01:33:37,605
Mr. President?

1429
01:33:38,196 --> 01:33:40,027
I deeply hope,

1430
01:33:40,990 --> 01:33:42,821
for all of our sakes,

1431
01:33:43,743 --> 01:33:45,233
that you are wrong.

1432
01:33:45,995 --> 01:33:47,576
I hope so, too.

1433
01:33:50,291 --> 01:33:51,781
Nice singing.

1434
01:33:54,087 --> 01:33:55,577
WeII...

1435
01:33:55,672 --> 01:33:57,082
On a brighter note,

1436
01:33:57,173 --> 01:34:00,631
we'll be back after a short break
with the enchanting Sally Kendoo.

1437
01:34:00,718 --> 01:34:05,553
And then you all will decide who is the winner of
American Dreamz.

1438
01:34:10,562 --> 01:34:13,224
That's it! Show is over!

1439
01:34:13,314 --> 01:34:15,475
What are you talking about?
There's another contestant.

1440
01:34:15,567 --> 01:34:16,807
Sorry, I'm taking my guy out!

1441
01:34:16,901 --> 01:34:19,734
Your guy! Your guyjust went way off reservation!

1442
01:34:19,821 --> 01:34:22,278
Talk about depressing. Half the
audience want to shoot themselves!

1443
01:34:22,365 --> 01:34:24,071
And you, Sir, are no Oprah!

1444
01:34:24,534 --> 01:34:27,276
I'd kind of like to see how Sally does.

1445
01:34:27,662 --> 01:34:30,620
All right, you. Where is the you-know-what?

1446
01:34:32,083 --> 01:34:34,825
And we're back in three, two.

1447
01:34:34,919 --> 01:34:36,455
Get off the stage!
Get off the stage!

1448
01:34:36,838 --> 01:34:38,248
We're back!

1449
01:34:38,339 --> 01:34:41,672
And now all the way from Padookie, Ohio,

1450
01:34:41,759 --> 01:34:45,627
America's newest sweetheart, Sally Kendoo!

1451
01:35:16,336 --> 01:35:19,544
Where the hell is William? He's supposed to be up here.

1452
01:35:21,925 --> 01:35:24,211
I would like to dedicate this song

1453
01:35:24,302 --> 01:35:27,044
to someone very special in the audience,

1454
01:35:27,430 --> 01:35:28,966
my boyfriend.

1455
01:35:29,641 --> 01:35:31,177
William Williams!

1456
01:35:47,033 --> 01:35:48,398
What? No!

1457
01:35:48,618 --> 01:35:51,234
No, he's supposed to propose after she Sings!

1458
01:35:51,496 --> 01:35:53,487
He's an idiot!
Yeah.

1459
01:35:54,916 --> 01:35:57,749
Excuse me a moment. This moron's missed his cue.

1460
01:36:00,463 --> 01:36:03,250
Let's all welcome Sally's sweetheart.

1461
01:36:03,341 --> 01:36:06,174
Decorated war veteran, William Williams!

1462
01:36:10,723 --> 01:36:14,307
I think, perhaps, William has
something he wants to ask Sally.

1463
01:36:15,520 --> 01:36:16,726
Sally?

1464
01:36:18,523 --> 01:36:20,013
Yes, William?

1465
01:36:20,692 --> 01:36:22,853
How could you do this to me?

1466
01:36:26,572 --> 01:36:28,483
How could I do what to you?

1467
01:36:30,368 --> 01:36:32,859
How could you sleep with Mr. Tweed?

1468
01:36:39,919 --> 01:36:41,034
Whoa!

1469
01:36:42,171 --> 01:36:43,160
Boo!
- Boo!

1470
01:36:43,256 --> 01:36:44,541
I'm serious.

1471
01:36:45,383 --> 01:36:47,123
Well, seriously, William,

1472
01:36:47,218 --> 01:36:49,630
I think it's common knowledge
Iwould never ever, ever, ever

1473
01:36:49,721 --> 01:36:51,837
sleep with a contestant on American Dreamz.

1474
01:36:51,931 --> 01:36:54,138
I saw you through the keyhole.

1475
01:36:57,228 --> 01:36:58,684
He nailed her.

1476
01:37:01,316 --> 01:37:03,807
I guess you two think I'm stupid.

1477
01:37:04,360 --> 01:37:07,102
I guess you all think I'm stupid.

1478
01:37:07,947 --> 01:37:10,609
Well, I'll show you how stupid I am.

1479
01:37:11,200 --> 01:37:13,782
I'm going to blow myself up with this bomb I found.

1480
01:37:19,250 --> 01:37:22,458
William, don't joke around about something like that.

1481
01:37:22,545 --> 01:37:24,410
Oh, I am not joking!

1482
01:37:27,091 --> 01:37:28,627
What the fuck?

1483
01:37:29,010 --> 01:37:31,922
Great idea! On-air proposal, Chet Krogl!

1484
01:37:32,013 --> 01:37:33,298
Keep rolling! Keep rolling!

1485
01:37:33,389 --> 01:37:36,005
Get back to your camera! Get back to your camera!

1486
01:37:36,100 --> 01:37:37,636
Come back! Come back!

1487
01:37:37,935 --> 01:37:39,516
Get back to that camera!

1488
01:37:39,604 --> 01:37:40,764
Oh, no.

1489
01:37:49,947 --> 01:37:51,357
Mr. Williams?

1490
01:37:51,741 --> 01:37:55,654
Mr. Williams, do not do this. It is not worth it.

1491
01:37:56,454 --> 01:37:59,116
Your death will not solve any problems.

1492
01:37:59,207 --> 01:38:02,415
It'll solve the problem of me feeling miserable.

1493
01:38:04,545 --> 01:38:06,911
William? I'm the President.

1494
01:38:08,925 --> 01:38:10,881
I know who you are, sir.

1495
01:38:11,511 --> 01:38:13,297
Now, as your Commander and Chief,

1496
01:38:13,388 --> 01:38:16,755
I'm gonna have to ask you not to blow yourself up.

1497
01:38:18,309 --> 01:38:21,051
Now, I've had dark days myself, William.

1498
01:38:21,646 --> 01:38:25,480
Days where Ijust wanted to lie in bed and dream.

1499
01:38:26,776 --> 01:38:28,232
Never get up.

1500
01:38:32,115 --> 01:38:34,447
But I have come to think

1501
01:38:34,700 --> 01:38:37,692
that it is better to deal with
reality,

1502
01:38:41,791 --> 01:38:43,998
no matter how unpleasant it is.

1503
01:38:45,837 --> 01:38:47,202
That's my guy.

1504
01:38:53,845 --> 01:38:55,506
No disrespect, sir,

1505
01:38:57,265 --> 01:38:59,506
but if I can't have Sally Kendoo,

1506
01:38:59,600 --> 01:39:01,136
then I don't want to go on living.

1507
01:39:02,353 --> 01:39:03,638
William, wait...

1508
01:39:03,855 --> 01:39:05,811
Stay there! Stay there!

1509
01:39:08,317 --> 01:39:10,774
My American dream

1510
01:39:11,112 --> 01:39:13,603
Will come true for me

1511
01:39:19,537 --> 01:39:21,869
My American dream

1512
01:39:22,707 --> 01:39:25,039
For all to see

1513
01:39:25,293 --> 01:39:27,329
William! In here.

1514
01:39:27,837 --> 01:39:30,749
Every woman and man

1515
01:39:31,299 --> 01:39:34,462
Has their own destiny

1516
01:39:38,347 --> 01:39:41,510
To dream American Dreamz

1517
01:39:41,934 --> 01:39:44,016
Dreamz with a Z

1518
01:39:44,103 --> 01:39:48,472
To dream American Dreamz

1519
01:39:48,649 --> 01:39:50,731
Dreamz with a Z

1520
01:39:52,236 --> 01:39:55,148
To dream American Dreamz

1521
01:39:55,239 --> 01:39:57,275
Dreamz with a Z

1522
01:40:04,415 --> 01:40:05,495
What happened?

1523
01:40:43,788 --> 01:40:46,029
Yes! Yes! Yes!

1524
01:40:47,250 --> 01:40:49,741
You won this thing. You won it.

1525
01:40:49,877 --> 01:40:51,333
Where are you going?

1526
01:40:51,420 --> 01:40:52,751
Listen, those three gentlemen right there.

1527
01:40:52,838 --> 01:40:54,294
They were the ones with the bombs.

1528
01:40:54,382 --> 01:40:57,215
You see? Back there, those three.
They were the ones with the bomb.

1529
01:41:05,851 --> 01:41:07,182
Go!

1530
01:41:10,982 --> 01:41:15,942
Mr. President! Stop! Stop! Stop!

1531
01:41:27,790 --> 01:41:30,497
All right, everyone, please. Please, shut up.

1532
01:41:31,961 --> 01:41:33,451
It's starting.

1533
01:41:34,964 --> 01:41:39,207
Last season's finale was the
highest-rated show in television history,

1534
01:41:39,302 --> 01:41:41,543
as my boyfriend, William Williams,

1535
01:41:41,637 --> 01:41:44,925
suffering from hallucinations
caused by posttraumatic stress

1536
01:41:45,016 --> 01:41:46,847
tragically lost his life.

1537
01:41:47,393 --> 01:41:49,224
There was a silver lining, though,

1538
01:41:49,312 --> 01:41:52,896
as he was voted the surprise
winner of American Dreamz.

1539
01:41:53,274 --> 01:41:55,765
I know he would have been so thrilled.

1540
01:41:56,152 --> 01:41:57,813
Fellow runner-up, Omer Obeidi,

1541
01:41:57,903 --> 01:42:01,862
has been touring the country with
a repertory of Broadway hits.

1542
01:42:02,158 --> 01:42:03,318
Go, Greased Lightning

1543
01:42:03,409 --> 01:42:05,570
You're burning up the quarter mile

1544
01:42:05,661 --> 01:42:08,027
Greased Lighting Go, Greased Lighting

1545
01:42:08,122 --> 01:42:10,909
Stop! Stop! Stop!

1546
01:42:11,334 --> 01:42:12,995
This isn't a hoedown!

1547
01:42:13,502 --> 01:42:15,618
Special guest judge, President Staton,

1548
01:42:15,713 --> 01:42:18,420
recently returned from a Mid-East fact-finding tour

1549
01:42:18,507 --> 01:42:20,168
with his new Chief of Staff.

1550
01:42:20,259 --> 01:42:21,999
You choose first, Poopie.

1551
01:42:23,638 --> 01:42:25,924
I guess I'll go for the newspapers first.

1552
01:42:26,015 --> 01:42:28,347
You take the intelligence reports
and summit briefing,

1553
01:42:28,434 --> 01:42:30,345
and then we‘ll switch.

1554
01:42:30,436 --> 01:42:33,928
And I have some pretty big shoes to fill.

1555
01:42:35,900 --> 01:42:37,390
Welcome!

1556
01:42:37,652 --> 01:42:41,440
Welcome back to another season of American Dreamz.

1557
01:42:41,530 --> 01:42:45,523
I am so excited to be your new host. It's such
a dream come true for me.

1558
01:42:46,118 --> 01:42:50,612
And I'd like to dedicate this season to someone
who was very special to us all.

1559
01:42:51,123 --> 01:42:53,785
The great Mr. Martin Tweed.

1560
01:42:55,461 --> 01:42:57,122
Aw!

1561
01:42:57,880 --> 01:43:00,542
We will miss you so very much.

1562
01:43:01,759 --> 01:43:05,001
But now, on to an exciting new season!

1563
01:43:05,096 --> 01:43:07,178
And here are your dreamers!