1 00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:29,946 (BOYS CHATTERING) 2 00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:54,262 Seventh-grader. 3 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,515 Sounds a lot better than sixth-grader. 4 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:03,187 (SlGHS) This is a Greg thing. l don't see why l had to come. 5 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:07,066 Because, Rodrick, this is a family event, 6 00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:09,527 and like it or not, you're part of the Heffley family. 7 00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:12,989 Yeah. That and we already paid for your ticket. 8 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:27,587 MAN ON PA: I'd Iike to give a warm welcome to Westmore seventh-graders! 9 00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:30,923 A new year of school starting. 10 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:33,593 Hi ! 11 00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,636 Rowley! Greg ! 12 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:41,142 (BOTH EXCLAlM) 13 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,518 (BUZZlNG) 14 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:47,732 Alakazam ! Alaka-zoo-wee Mama! 15 00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,192 What are you doing? 16 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,401 lt's a magic wand. 17 00:01:50,486 --> 00:01:51,569 Do you want to see a trick? 18 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,529 Only if the trick is to make the thing disappear. 19 00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,828 (EXHALES SHARPLY) Just put it in your pocket! 20 00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:02,997 You don't want to give away your best tricks in public. 21 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,249 So, how was your summer? 22 00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:07,126 (GREG SlGHS) 23 00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,212 (ALL LAUGHlNG) 24 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,593 (BREATHlNG HEAVlLY) 25 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:21,182 That sounds pretty rough. 26 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,226 The only good thing that happened 27 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,186 was l got rid of the Cheese Touch. 28 00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:26,562 Who'd you give it to? 29 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:27,814 The new kid. Jeremy Pindle. 30 00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:28,898 (GlRLS SCREAMlNG) 31 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,275 GlRLS: Cheese Touch ! 32 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:36,280 Hey, guys! Anyone for pizza? 33 00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:39,867 Hey! Thanks, Fregley. 34 00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:42,411 You know, 35 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:46,415 l can't believe people leave perfectly good food just lying around. 36 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,007 (SNEEZES) 37 00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,470 (RETCHlNG) 38 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,648 l'll save that 39 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:13,359 for later. 40 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,864 (GRUNTlNG) Let's skate. 41 00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:21,117 MAN: I'd Iike to give a shout out to Taylor Pringle! 42 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,368 Uh-oh, dork alert! 43 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:25,288 Happy birthday, Taylor! Five years young. 44 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,832 I hope your party's a blast. 45 00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:30,376 Rowley, stop pulling me down ! 46 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,086 (MAGIC PLAYlNG) 47 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,838 MAN: Ho, ho, ho It's magic 48 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:36,424 You know 49 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:39,010 Who is that? 50 00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:43,848 Her name is Holly Hills. She just moved here. 51 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:45,725 What grade is she in? Seventh. 52 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,268 She's an all-star soccer player, 53 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:48,811 has done professional modeling, 54 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,938 and was her sixth grade class president. 55 00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:54,233 She moved here from Oregon because her father got a big promotion. 56 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,485 They drive a hybrid SUV, 57 00:03:56,653 --> 00:04:00,114 live on the north side of town in a cul-de-sac near the park. 58 00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:02,867 What? l googled her! 59 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,119 She's a picture of loveliness, is she not? 60 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:07,496 She's almost as pretty as my mom. 61 00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:10,124 She's going to be very popular. 62 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,501 (SlGHS DEEPLY) 63 00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:15,254 (KlDS CHEERlNG) 64 00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:17,006 GlRL: Sit here! Sit here! 65 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:20,676 Please, everyone, sit down. We have our seats. 66 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,803 (KlDS CLAMORlNG) 67 00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:30,019 MAN: It's magic, you know 68 00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:36,609 Never believe it's not so 69 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:37,693 Excuse me. 70 00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:40,738 What? 71 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,449 l said, excuse me. You're blocking the exit. 72 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:44,951 (STAMMERS) Oh, sorry. 73 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,243 That's okay. 74 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,288 l'm Chirag Gupta. And l'm single. 75 00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:52,667 Wow. My name is. . . 76 00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,001 We know exactly who you are. 77 00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,128 Holly Hills of 432 Embury Lane. 78 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:58,172 GREG: No, we don't know who you are. 79 00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,548 We have no idea who you are. 80 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,802 (BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY) 81 00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:07,515 Okay! Well, l think l'm going to go skating now. 82 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:12,019 Please congratulate your father on his promotion from me! 83 00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:15,982 "We know exactly who you are"? You trying to scare her? 84 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,233 Does it really matter? 85 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,986 A girl like that is out of your league anyway, Gregory. 86 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:23,072 She's new. She isn't out of anyone's league yet. 87 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,741 She doesn't know the social pecking order. 88 00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,452 lf there was ever a time for me to make a move, 89 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:29,912 it's now. 90 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,039 (RODRlCK SCOFFS) 91 00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:33,791 Hey, Greg ! 92 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:36,377 Can you break a leg or something so we can leave? 93 00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:38,629 (SlGHS) 94 00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:42,008 RODRlCK: Oh ! (LAUGHS) 95 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,802 That'll never happen. Not a chance. 96 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,887 There's no way that girl will ever talk to you. 97 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,057 Yeah, well, l just talked to her 98 00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:51,892 and we'll probably skate later. 99 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,311 Really? Okay. 100 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,731 Well, you see that clock? 101 00:05:57,107 --> 00:06:00,443 They play a slow song at the top of every hour for couples skate. 102 00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:04,447 lf you're so confident, ask her to skate. 103 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:07,450 Maybe l will. 104 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,118 What you waiting for, wimp? 105 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,703 You the man ! 106 00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:12,288 (LAUGHlNG) 107 00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,376 Look, if we can get out to Holly 108 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,379 and be standing right next to her when the clock changes, 109 00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:23,632 then l can ask her to skate and she'll have to say yes. 110 00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,677 l don't know about that. 111 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,388 (lNDlSTlNCT HlP-HOP MUSlC PLAYlNG) 112 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,231 Oh, honey, hi ! 113 00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,567 Remember when we were young like this, 114 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:44,570 and we used to dance and go to parties, and things like that? 115 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:45,654 Whoo! 116 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,625 l'm going in. Cover me! 117 00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:06,801 (ALWAYS PLAYlNG) 118 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:13,891 Girl you are to me all that a woman should be 119 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,102 And I dedicate my life... 120 00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:19,814 MAN: All rockers and hardcore skaters off the rink, 121 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:22,274 unless you're looking for love. 122 00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:23,317 (GlRL WHlMPERlNG) 123 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,401 It's time for couples skate. 124 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,195 l'm making my move. 125 00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:36,831 Stop! Enough of that total lameness! Who's ready to rock? Yeah! 126 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,374 (WHOOPlNG) 127 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,794 (HEAVY METAL ROCK SONG PLAYlNG) 128 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,712 Come on, let's get out of here. Come on. 129 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,344 (GRUNTlNG) 130 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,055 (SCREAMlNG) 131 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,516 (GREG WHlMPERlNG) 132 00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,393 ROWLEY: What are we gonna do? Stay calm. 133 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,895 All we have to do is just stay here. 134 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,731 ROWLEY: Whoa! Whoa! 135 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,317 GREG: Rowley! Hang on ! 136 00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:06,527 (ROWLEY WHlMPERlNG) 137 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:10,322 (MUSlC STOPS) 138 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,783 SUSAN ON PA: Greg Heffley! 139 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,786 This is your mother. 140 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:19,081 Everything is going to be okay. 141 00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:22,835 Stay where you are, and your father is going to come rescue you. 142 00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:26,755 I repeat, everything is going to be okay. 143 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:31,010 Okay, here he comes. Here comes Frank. I see him. He's on his way. 144 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:34,430 Dad ! l know, l know. 145 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:38,225 Okay. All right, everyone, go back to skating! 146 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,310 You all right? 147 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,149 Hey, Romeo, how'd it go with the new girl? 148 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:49,320 (GRUNTlNG) Whoa! 149 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,613 (PEOPLE GASPlNG) 150 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:51,989 (RODRlCK CHUCKLES) 151 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,077 You ruined my birthday! 152 00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,205 You jerk! 153 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,543 (KlDS SHOUTlNG) 154 00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:05,920 Ow! Ow! That hurt! 155 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:13,761 (LAUGHS) 156 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,020 GREG: Rodrick! (BABY CRYlNG) 157 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,190 Here, catch ! 158 00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:36,116 Let me start by saying that having a brother is really overrated. 159 00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,494 Rowley always says he wishes he had a brother, 160 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,913 and, boy, do l wish l could give him one of mine. 161 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:44,041 l've looked into it and, unfortunately, it's not legal, 162 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,252 l mean, Manny has been telling on me 163 00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:48,170 ever since he was able to speak. 164 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,797 Bubby did it. 165 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,423 (CAT GROWLS) 166 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:55,261 Bubby did it. 167 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,345 SUSAN: Greg ! 168 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,889 And Rodrick is the king of laziness. 169 00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:01,475 Except when it comes to torturing me. 170 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:04,687 (COUGHlNG) (LAUGHlNG) 171 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,522 GREG: My mom has started writing 172 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,482 an advice column for the local paper. 173 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,276 She wrote an article last week 174 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,028 about how your brothers will always be there for you. 175 00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,240 Well, that's exactly what l'm afraid of. 176 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,075 (BOWL DROPS) 177 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,537 Hey, Bubby. 178 00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:25,624 Got to go, Mom. Later, Mom. 179 00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,084 Yeah, see you, hon. Okay, okay, wait. 180 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,669 Hold on. Wait a second. 181 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:31,130 l need a moment for a family meeting. 182 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,800 Now, your father and l have been talking. 183 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,887 Things between you two have really gotten out of hand. 184 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,639 Can l just say. . . 185 00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:41,724 You may not realize it now, 186 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:46,228 but having a brother is one of the most important relationships of your life. 187 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,731 l mean, one day you're gonna be Uncle Greg 188 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,691 and Uncle Rodrick to each other's kids. 189 00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:54,403 That's important. So you need to get to know each other. 190 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,487 What? What? 191 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,990 You need to spend more time together. What? 192 00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,367 So that's why l've come up with a new program 193 00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:04,371 that's going to reward you for spending time together. 194 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,459 l'm calling it (lMlTATES FANFARE) 195 00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:10,210 "Mom Bucks." 196 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,213 You're paying us with fake money? Yeah. 197 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:16,342 Okay, now, for every hour that you spend together without fighting, 198 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,803 for example, let's say you give Greg a drum lesson, 199 00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,765 you each earn a Mom Buck, 200 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:26,185 which you can then trade in for one real dollar. 201 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,436 Oh. 202 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:31,106 So, to start you off, l'm giving you each five Mom Bucks. 203 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:35,235 Now, if you're smart, you'll save up your Mom Bucks. . . 204 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,112 Can l cash out now? 205 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:40,366 Well, Rodrick, if you save. . . 206 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:41,950 But can l cash out? 207 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,703 Yes, but. . . 208 00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:45,913 l want to cash out. 209 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,456 Frank? l know. 210 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,124 (EXHALES) 211 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,920 Uh. . . Okay. Yes, you can. All right. 212 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,216 Okay. All right, great. We should get going, 213 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,301 because you don't want to be late for school. All right? 214 00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:01,136 Yeah, gotta go. Let's go. Okay, all right. 215 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:05,265 This Mom Bucks thing is a gold mine, muchacho. 216 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:07,267 You better not ruin it for me. 217 00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,603 GREG: Most kids hate it when summer ends, 218 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:14,191 but I have to say, right now, school is starting to look pretty good. 219 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:31,291 Welcome back. 220 00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:33,210 lt's nice not to be the new kids this year. 221 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,378 l agree. 222 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:36,797 l know. Look at all the tiny sixth-graders. 223 00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:39,174 l'm so glad that's not me this year. 224 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,843 Just a little higher. Just a little higher. 225 00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:46,890 Whoa! Greg ! Look who's in our class. 226 00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:52,146 GREG: This was my chance. If I could sit next to Holly, 227 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:54,064 I'd have the whole year to show her how great I am. 228 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:56,692 No way, Greg Heffley. 229 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,403 This is my seat. 230 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,029 No, it's not. l was here first. 231 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,783 PATTY: (GRUNTlNG) lt's mine! 232 00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:05,951 Let go! 233 00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:08,162 You know l'm stronger than you, Greg Heffley. 234 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,956 Don't make me beat you up again ! 235 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,207 Let's get something straight. 236 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,710 l was sick that day and l had something in my eye. 237 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,545 MR. DRAYBlCK: Well ! 238 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:20,757 l've never had students so eager to start the school year. 239 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:21,967 What's going on? 240 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,427 This is my seat! This is my seat! 241 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:27,514 (LAUGHS) Okay, let's start again. What are your names? 242 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:32,227 Patty Farrell, two R's, two L's. 243 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:39,568 Greg Heffley. 244 00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:44,072 Would you be related to Rodrick Heffley? 245 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:48,410 (EXHALES) 246 00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,554 l've got my eye on you, Heffley. 247 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,019 GREG: There's no way to escape. 248 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,564 (RODRlCK LAUGHS EVlLLY) 249 00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:21,777 lt's unbelievable! Even at school, Rodrick is ruining my life. 250 00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:23,070 Shh ! 251 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:24,780 (WHlSPERS) He might hear you. 252 00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:27,824 Nah. Watch. 253 00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:29,576 (BANGlNG LOUDLY) 254 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:31,662 Holy cow! 255 00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:33,956 He once slept through an entire day. 256 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,500 Do you have an amazing talent that you'd like to share? 257 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:41,380 Today, Plainview City Council announced a brand-new local contest: 258 00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,048 Plainview's Most Talented. 259 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,133 Hey! Greg ! Maybe we should. . . 260 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,593 Can it, Chunky Cheese! 261 00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:50,097 Westmore is absolutely packed to the roof with talent. 262 00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,683 The top prize is $1 ,000 and, of course, 263 00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,726 the admiration of your friends and neighbors. 264 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:58,230 This is huge. l gotta call the band. We gotta practice. 265 00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,565 This is gonna be our big break! 266 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:00,816 Uh-uh-uh. Wait a second. 267 00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,235 Aren't you forgetting something? What? 268 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,070 l showered yesterday. Smell. 269 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,822 Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. 270 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,825 We agreed that you'd give a drum lesson to Greg. 271 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:11,618 You were serious? 272 00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:12,744 SUSAN: Who knows? 273 00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:14,663 Maybe you guys will really like it 274 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,248 and we can form a family band. (GASPS) 275 00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:18,333 (COME ON GET HAPPY PLAYING) 276 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,378 Hello, world, here's a song that we're singing 277 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,797 Come on get happy 278 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:29,636 A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringing 279 00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,555 We'll make you happy 280 00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,515 (ROCK SONG PLAYlNG) 281 00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:40,022 GREG: Rodrick says he's a professional musician, 282 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,733 but as far as I know the only money he's made, 283 00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:45,736 is when Dad gave him five bucks once to stop playing. 284 00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,988 When do we get to play the real drums? 285 00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,032 Like l'd ever let you touch them ! 286 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:53,076 Watch and learn, earthworm ! 287 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:57,539 Hey, l was thinking we should enter the talent show. 288 00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,292 l could do my magic act and you could be my assistant. 289 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,793 Assistant? No way. 290 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,296 Doing magic tricks is bad enough. 291 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,590 Assisting the guy doing the tricks? 292 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:09,176 l'd never make it to eighth grade. 293 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,602 (BEEPS) 294 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:22,939 What? 295 00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:24,399 Hey, a cookie. 296 00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:26,109 Manny, what have you done? 297 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,819 l'm only three. 298 00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:30,072 What's going on? What did you do to him? 299 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,074 Nothing ! He ruined my video game. 300 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,494 Oh ! He didn't do anything on purpose. Did you, honey? 301 00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:38,705 No, l didn't. No, he didn't. He's only three. 302 00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:40,749 MANNY: l'm only three! 303 00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,710 Okay, let's go, sweetie. You want another cookie? 304 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,128 GREG: It's so unfair. 305 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,381 I have Rodrick making my life a misery on one side, 306 00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,007 and Manny attacking me from the other. 307 00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:52,803 And I'm the only one who seems to get blamed for anything. 308 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:56,264 I wonder what it'd be like to have a family that actually loves me. 309 00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:57,599 Little boy! 310 00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:01,561 We're a very rich couple with no children and so much love to share. 311 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,272 Won't you come be part of our family? 312 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:08,276 Finally! Someone l can leave my billions to. 313 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,611 (SlGHS) 314 00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,240 lndia? Why would you go there? 315 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:17,494 lndia is fascinating. lt's the jewel of Southeast Asia. 316 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,538 My father has business to take care of, 317 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,498 so he's taking the whole family. 318 00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:23,166 Can you bring me back a cobra? 319 00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,669 l want to teach it to dance! 320 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,719 MALONE: Wake up! What are you guys doing over there? 321 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,513 Get the ball ! Get the ball, kick it! 322 00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,473 (KlDS SHOUTlNG) 323 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:39,558 MAN: Kick it! 324 00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:40,642 MALONE: Kick it! 325 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,103 (ALL CHEERlNG) 326 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,313 Patty Farrell, you are the man ! 327 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:48,150 (BOYS PANTlNG) 328 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,778 Nice running, Heffley. Just have to work on the direction. 329 00:17:55,658 --> 00:18:00,203 Wow. Holly Hills is better than Bryce. And he's an all-star! 330 00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,080 Well, l'm sure your soccer skills 331 00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:03,999 made a great impression on her. 332 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:05,917 Go strike while the iron is hot. 333 00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,043 You'll see. 334 00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:08,962 When you come back from lndia, 335 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:10,881 she'll be hanging out with me. 336 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,801 CHlRAG: l would love for that to be true, Gregory. 337 00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,721 lt would provide hope for smaller boys everywhere, 338 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:21,933 but girls like that just don't hang out with guys like us. 339 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:30,525 So, listen, you don't have to worry about being in my magic show anymore, 340 00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:33,737 'cause l got Scotty from my karate class to be my assistant. 341 00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:36,114 Scotty? lsn't he like eight? 342 00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,533 He'll be eight. 343 00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,661 (BRAKES SCREECH) 344 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,039 Get in. Why? 345 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,373 What are you doing here? 346 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,625 Mom said she'll pay Mom Bucks 347 00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:48,251 if l drive you home from school. 348 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:49,628 (BOTH CHUCKLlNG) 349 00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:50,712 We'd rather walk. 350 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,381 Get in ! Now! 351 00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:57,302 GREG: What happened to the seats? 352 00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,888 l needed the room for my new equipment. 353 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:03,308 How'd you have the money for that? 354 00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,560 You know, Mom Bucks. 355 00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:09,731 There's no way. He only earned like five. 356 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,068 (BOTH SCREAMlNG) 357 00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:15,028 (TlRES SQUEALlNG) 358 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:18,114 We got to figure out what song we're playing at the talent contest. 359 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,491 Easy. Devil's Diper. 360 00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:23,203 A ballad? Really, dude? We got to lift them out of their seats! 361 00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:24,496 BEN: l got it. 362 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:27,582 Exploded Diper! Exploded Diper! 363 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:31,044 Slow down, guys! Slow down ! 364 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,380 GREG: Whoa! 365 00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:34,965 (GROANS) 366 00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:39,928 (GREG GRUNTS) 367 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,523 GREG: This Mom Bucks thing isn't working out. 368 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:54,860 Now Rodrick can get paid for beating me up. 369 00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:57,237 (SNlFFS) Oh. . . 370 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,825 GREG: Mom, why are you writing about me again? 371 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:02,909 lt's embarrassing. 372 00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:07,080 What? You know how important honesty is to me. 373 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:08,790 And, Rowley, good news. 374 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,750 l called your mom and she gave her permission 375 00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:13,295 for you to come with us to Rockin' Rapids next weekend. 376 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,881 Two days on the biggest water slides in the world ! 377 00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:16,923 lt's gonna be great! 378 00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:18,842 (WHOOPlNG) 379 00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:21,469 Thank you, Mrs. Heffley, 380 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:25,056 but l think l'd like to stay home and practice my magic act. 381 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,433 (BOTH CHEERlNG) 382 00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:28,894 (SCREAMlNG) 383 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:32,314 l just want to perfect my art. 384 00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,693 Come on, let's go upstairs. 385 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,695 Mom, can l use your computer for homework? 386 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,448 For homework, right? 387 00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:43,867 Yeah. Definitely. Homework only. 388 00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:46,036 l'm sorry, Bubby. 389 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,039 What's this? 390 00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:51,207 lt's a gift from Manny. 391 00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:53,752 He made it for you because he wanted to say he was sorry 392 00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:57,130 for breaking your video game. lsn't that cute? 393 00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:59,883 lt looks dangerous. What if l sat on that thing? 394 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,719 Greg ! What are you doing? 395 00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:06,473 (SOFTLY) Tell Manny you love his gift. 396 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:14,522 You're so lucky you don't have any brothers. 397 00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:16,775 You're kind of like my brother. 398 00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,526 And shouldn't we be looking up things 399 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,362 for your "hundred years ago" assignment? 400 00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:25,200 She looks like she was born 1 00 years ago. 401 00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:27,410 Ahhh! 402 00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:34,793 Oh, l hope she's okay. She sounded pretty hurt. 403 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:36,503 Are you kidding me? She's famous, 404 00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:38,129 and l heard she's a millionaire. 405 00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:41,883 ROWLEY: I would love to be her! 406 00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:43,301 You do know she was faking it? 407 00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:44,469 Really? 408 00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:45,720 Of course. 409 00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:47,722 Anyone can be an lnternet sensation. 410 00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:49,808 We could. l'm listening. 411 00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:51,726 You just have to work with what you got. 412 00:21:52,687 --> 00:21:54,312 (MOUTHlNG SONG LYRlCS) Wake up in the morning 413 00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:55,647 feeling like P. Diddy 414 00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:59,651 Grab my glasses on, I'm out the door I'm gonna hit this city 415 00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:03,738 Before l leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack 416 00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:07,659 'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back 417 00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:10,495 I'm talking, playing our favorite CD's 418 00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:12,497 Pulling up to the parties 419 00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:15,917 Trying to get a little bit tipsy 420 00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:18,670 Okay, three, two, one, fall. 421 00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:23,133 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 422 00:22:23,884 --> 00:22:24,926 (MUSlC STOPS) 423 00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:27,429 lt looks fake. lt has to look real. 424 00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:30,515 But how do l fake it if l'm actually falling backwards? 425 00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:32,892 Maybe you need a gimmick, so people notice you. 426 00:22:34,103 --> 00:22:35,103 Oh. 427 00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:37,647 Wear this on your head. 428 00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:41,860 Now, do it again. 429 00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:44,529 Why can't you be the one that falls backwards in the chair? 430 00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:47,949 Because l'm not the one wearing the underwear on my head. 431 00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:51,703 Tick tock, on the clock But the party don't stop, no 432 00:22:51,787 --> 00:22:53,538 Remember when l broke my arm? 433 00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:55,081 That didn't feel good at. . . 434 00:22:55,249 --> 00:22:57,125 (SCREAMlNG) 435 00:22:58,794 --> 00:23:03,089 l can't believe you sat on the tinfoil ball ! We're going to be rich ! 436 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:04,382 SUSAN: Okay, Rowley. 437 00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:07,052 Hold still. Oy! 438 00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:09,012 (SCREAMlNG) 439 00:23:09,096 --> 00:23:10,346 (SQUAWKlNG) 440 00:23:24,028 --> 00:23:27,238 My computer was supposed to be for homework only. 441 00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:29,991 You lied to me. You know how l feel about that. 442 00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:33,495 Mom, from now on, l'll be 1 00% honest. 443 00:23:33,704 --> 00:23:35,413 GREG: WeII, that Iasted about a week. 444 00:23:35,539 --> 00:23:38,750 Mom somehow didn't appreciate the completely honest version of me. 445 00:23:39,210 --> 00:23:42,545 ALL: Happy birthday, Grandpa! 446 00:23:43,506 --> 00:23:45,423 Next year, l want a chocolate cake. 447 00:23:45,508 --> 00:23:47,884 That is, if you're alive next year. 448 00:23:48,803 --> 00:23:49,803 SUSAN: Greg ! 449 00:23:49,887 --> 00:23:51,012 Honesty, Mom ! 450 00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:55,100 Mom, it's Mrs. Gillman from the PTA. 451 00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:57,644 Tell her l'm not here! 452 00:23:57,728 --> 00:23:59,521 But that would be lying 453 00:24:00,189 --> 00:24:02,023 and l don't do that anymore. 454 00:24:03,692 --> 00:24:08,029 l'm sorry, Mrs. Gillman, but my mom isn't in the house right now. 455 00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:16,871 GREG: On weekends, I try to stay as far away from my brothers as possible. 456 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:20,708 But on Sunday morning, I have no choice. 457 00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:24,212 Poopy! 458 00:24:24,713 --> 00:24:26,840 (EXCLAlMS) Huh? 459 00:24:26,924 --> 00:24:29,717 SUSAN: Greg ! lt looks like he has a candy bar on there. 460 00:24:29,844 --> 00:24:31,344 Manny! 461 00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:32,637 (GREG GRUNTS ANGRlLY) 462 00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:34,472 SUSAN: Frank, you're gonna have to do something. 463 00:24:34,557 --> 00:24:35,890 FRANK: Yeah, l'll get a rag. 464 00:24:39,728 --> 00:24:40,937 Dad, stop it! 465 00:24:41,021 --> 00:24:42,063 Hold still ! 466 00:24:42,731 --> 00:24:44,399 All right, let me see. 467 00:24:44,733 --> 00:24:46,651 You're fine. Can't even tell. 468 00:24:54,410 --> 00:24:56,494 l'm not going in with a poop stain on my pants. 469 00:24:56,579 --> 00:24:58,872 Okay, well, you can't skip church. 470 00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:01,207 No, l'm not going in like this. 471 00:25:02,459 --> 00:25:03,960 Fine. 472 00:25:04,211 --> 00:25:06,171 (ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL PLAYlNG ON ORGAN) 473 00:25:06,255 --> 00:25:08,882 ALL: (SlNGlNG) He made them every one 474 00:25:08,966 --> 00:25:09,966 Go. 475 00:25:11,802 --> 00:25:16,181 All things bright and beautiful 476 00:25:16,265 --> 00:25:21,352 All creatures great and small 477 00:25:21,437 --> 00:25:23,938 All things wise and wonderful 478 00:25:24,023 --> 00:25:25,982 What are you doing? Go! 479 00:25:26,108 --> 00:25:30,570 The Lord God made them all 480 00:25:31,405 --> 00:25:32,780 MlNlSTER: Please be seated. 481 00:25:35,326 --> 00:25:38,161 Let me just say how gratifying it is 482 00:25:38,245 --> 00:25:41,039 to see so many smiling faces here today. 483 00:25:41,957 --> 00:25:44,125 Mothers and fathers. . . 484 00:25:49,131 --> 00:25:51,633 Okay, we're up. 485 00:25:52,301 --> 00:25:53,801 Come on ! We're up! 486 00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:56,596 But everyone will see the sweater. 487 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:58,723 People are looking, okay? 488 00:25:58,807 --> 00:26:00,350 So come on. Let's go. 489 00:26:00,809 --> 00:26:01,809 Come on. 490 00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:22,580 Poop! 491 00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:25,041 He's pooped his pants! 492 00:26:26,335 --> 00:26:28,378 No, it isn't what it looks like! 493 00:26:28,462 --> 00:26:30,463 lt isn't. lt's chocolate! 494 00:26:31,632 --> 00:26:33,132 Chocolate. See? 495 00:26:34,677 --> 00:26:36,761 (ALL EXCLAlM lN DlSGUST) 496 00:26:53,696 --> 00:26:56,447 What did l say about being civil to one another? 497 00:26:56,532 --> 00:26:58,449 That's all l asked of you ! 498 00:26:58,534 --> 00:27:00,243 Well, you have blown it big time! 499 00:27:00,411 --> 00:27:02,120 Never been more embarrassed ! 500 00:27:02,246 --> 00:27:03,913 Everyone we know was there! 501 00:27:04,331 --> 00:27:07,041 (SOBBlNG) l have no idea how l'm gonna write my column this week. 502 00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:09,085 l feel like a complete fraud ! 503 00:27:09,211 --> 00:27:11,170 Well, you brought this on yourselves. 504 00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:13,214 You can kiss Rockin' Rapids good-bye! 505 00:27:13,382 --> 00:27:16,884 You two will stay here all weekend and work out your differences. 506 00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:19,470 And if you don't, l will. 507 00:27:19,555 --> 00:27:22,473 And trust me, you don't want any part of that. 508 00:27:23,851 --> 00:27:25,059 Do you understand? 509 00:27:25,728 --> 00:27:27,478 Yes. Yes. Yes. 510 00:27:28,272 --> 00:27:30,606 (SlGHlNG) All right, let's go. 511 00:27:38,574 --> 00:27:41,242 And don't have anybody over this weekend. 512 00:27:41,869 --> 00:27:43,077 Got it? 513 00:27:56,425 --> 00:27:57,842 (CHUCKLES) 514 00:27:58,635 --> 00:27:59,927 (UPBEAT MUSlC PLAYlNG) 515 00:28:00,471 --> 00:28:02,305 (SPEAKlNG) 516 00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:06,517 (MESSAGE TONE BEEPlNG) 517 00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:14,776 Snacks in the bowls, ice in the freezer, cups on the table. 518 00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:16,361 Your party better be good. 519 00:28:16,445 --> 00:28:17,904 Our party, little bro. 520 00:28:18,364 --> 00:28:19,864 (DOORBELL RlNGS) 521 00:28:19,948 --> 00:28:22,950 Wait! Whoa, whoa! We need chairs from the basement. 522 00:28:23,702 --> 00:28:24,702 For what? 523 00:28:24,870 --> 00:28:27,372 ln case we wanna play musical chairs. 524 00:28:27,498 --> 00:28:30,166 l haven't played musical chairs since the second grade. 525 00:28:30,292 --> 00:28:33,628 Well, it comes back when you hit high school. 526 00:28:33,712 --> 00:28:35,505 (DOORBELL RlNGS) Wait! You get the chairs. 527 00:28:35,589 --> 00:28:37,590 l don't want anyone to be disappointed. All right? 528 00:28:37,841 --> 00:28:39,092 Okay. All right. 529 00:28:48,435 --> 00:28:50,520 (PEOPLE CHATTERlNG) 530 00:28:50,687 --> 00:28:52,480 (LlGHT SWlTCH CLlCKlNG) 531 00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:08,621 Rodrick, help! The door's closed ! 532 00:29:08,705 --> 00:29:10,123 Yeah, and it's staying closed. 533 00:29:10,207 --> 00:29:12,083 l don't need a middle-schooler ruining my party. 534 00:29:12,167 --> 00:29:13,918 What? l thought it was our party! 535 00:29:14,002 --> 00:29:17,088 lt's my party. Now keep quiet or l'll lock you in the dryer! 536 00:29:17,172 --> 00:29:18,589 Rodrick! 537 00:29:19,716 --> 00:29:20,758 (MOCKlNGLY) Greg ! 538 00:29:23,178 --> 00:29:25,555 (PANTlNG) 539 00:29:41,989 --> 00:29:43,030 (SCREAMS) 540 00:29:43,740 --> 00:29:44,866 (GASPS) 541 00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:51,205 (SlGHS lN RELlEF) 542 00:29:52,875 --> 00:29:54,959 (GASPlNG) 543 00:30:04,219 --> 00:30:06,262 (DlAL TONE DRONlNG) 544 00:30:13,061 --> 00:30:15,354 ROWLEY: And that's magic! 545 00:30:15,439 --> 00:30:16,981 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 546 00:30:19,067 --> 00:30:21,444 Jefferson residence. Rowley speaking. 547 00:30:21,528 --> 00:30:23,613 Rowley, l need your help! Now! 548 00:30:24,865 --> 00:30:26,491 (ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG) 549 00:30:27,034 --> 00:30:28,826 (PEOPLE SHOUTlNG) 550 00:30:28,911 --> 00:30:30,578 Holy pepperoni ! 551 00:30:35,083 --> 00:30:37,084 Get inside. Open the door and let me out! 552 00:30:45,761 --> 00:30:47,178 Yes! You did it! 553 00:30:48,222 --> 00:30:50,932 (LAUGHS) lt's a really nice try, Greggy. 554 00:30:51,225 --> 00:30:55,436 But whatever you thought, l already thinked it. 555 00:30:58,398 --> 00:31:00,942 (HlP-HOP SONG PLAYlNG) 556 00:31:02,444 --> 00:31:05,905 When our band is huge, we'll have parties every night! 557 00:31:06,823 --> 00:31:09,242 But they'll be backstage parties! 558 00:31:09,326 --> 00:31:11,702 Sweet! We'll get to go backstage. 559 00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:14,247 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 560 00:31:16,625 --> 00:31:17,875 You, don't touch that phone! 561 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:20,253 Music off! (SHRlLL VOlCE) Everybody freeze! 562 00:31:20,337 --> 00:31:21,963 (NORMAL VOlCE) Freeze. (ALL SlLENT) 563 00:31:23,757 --> 00:31:26,884 lf anyone makes a sound, the party is over 564 00:31:27,010 --> 00:31:30,137 and l am a dead man. So. . . Shh ! 565 00:31:30,222 --> 00:31:31,973 (CREAKlNG) (EXCLAlMS) 566 00:31:32,558 --> 00:31:34,308 Quiet, man ! 567 00:31:36,603 --> 00:31:38,354 Get back! 568 00:31:38,981 --> 00:31:41,732 (BREATHlNG HEAVlLY) Shh ! 569 00:31:41,817 --> 00:31:43,693 Hello? Rodrick, it's Mom. 570 00:31:43,819 --> 00:31:46,612 ls everything okay? lt took a long time for you to answer. 571 00:31:46,697 --> 00:31:49,615 Yeah, everything's fine. l was just washing dishes. 572 00:31:49,992 --> 00:31:52,743 Okay, honey. Well, l just wanted to check in and say l love you, 573 00:31:52,828 --> 00:31:54,412 and l'm sorry l was so harsh earlier. 574 00:31:54,496 --> 00:31:55,621 No problem. Bye. 575 00:31:55,706 --> 00:31:57,373 Now let me say good night to Greg. 576 00:31:57,457 --> 00:31:58,416 Greg? 577 00:31:58,500 --> 00:31:59,834 Oh, uh. . . 578 00:32:00,502 --> 00:32:02,545 He can't. He's asleep. l don't want to wake him. 579 00:32:02,629 --> 00:32:05,673 No, l'm not. l'm right here. Hi, Mom. 580 00:32:06,550 --> 00:32:07,842 Hey, Rodrick. 581 00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:09,844 Hi, sweetie, is everything okay? 582 00:32:09,928 --> 00:32:11,637 Why were you sleeping so early? (EXHALES) 583 00:32:11,722 --> 00:32:15,975 Well, actually, l wasn't sleeping. l'm down in the basement. 584 00:32:16,101 --> 00:32:19,270 (CHUCKLES) The basement? What the heck are you doing down there? 585 00:32:19,354 --> 00:32:21,314 Wouldn't you rather be up here hanging with me? 586 00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:25,401 Yeah, l would, Rodrick. Why don't you come down and get me? 587 00:32:25,569 --> 00:32:26,611 Now. 588 00:32:26,737 --> 00:32:28,446 (WHlSPERlNG) l think they're trying to get along. 589 00:32:28,530 --> 00:32:30,781 Huh? That's good. Good, honey. 590 00:32:30,949 --> 00:32:34,452 Okay. Everything is cool here, right, Greg? 591 00:32:35,704 --> 00:32:38,331 Yeah, Mom. And l have your number if l need you. 592 00:32:38,415 --> 00:32:42,293 Okay, sweeties. Well, we'll see you tomorrow. Good night. 593 00:32:44,379 --> 00:32:46,339 (MUSlC STARTS PLAYlNG) 594 00:32:46,423 --> 00:32:47,882 Listen up. 595 00:32:48,300 --> 00:32:52,928 lf you do anything that embarrasses me, anything at all, 596 00:32:53,221 --> 00:32:54,805 l will. . . 597 00:32:54,890 --> 00:32:56,182 You'll what? 598 00:32:58,268 --> 00:33:01,437 Just stay out of my way, 599 00:33:03,065 --> 00:33:04,065 nerds. 600 00:33:09,404 --> 00:33:11,447 l think we should go upstairs. 601 00:33:11,782 --> 00:33:13,115 Are you kidding me? 602 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:16,827 We might not get to go to another high school party for five more years. 603 00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:18,329 We have an opportunity here, 604 00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:22,083 to see things no other kid in our grade has ever seen before. 605 00:33:22,209 --> 00:33:23,584 Like what? 606 00:33:23,669 --> 00:33:25,002 Teenage things. 607 00:33:25,128 --> 00:33:28,339 Just follow my lead, and we'll be fine. 608 00:33:28,924 --> 00:33:31,842 (DANCE MUSlC PLAYlNG) 609 00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:36,472 (GlRL GASPS) 610 00:33:39,101 --> 00:33:42,019 Hey, watch the elbows, popcorn dude. Not cool. 611 00:33:46,441 --> 00:33:48,317 (PANTlNG) That was a close one. 612 00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:50,111 (THUD) 613 00:33:55,617 --> 00:33:57,660 l didn't know you could get up there. 614 00:33:58,787 --> 00:34:00,204 RODRlCK: You should hear my band. 615 00:34:00,288 --> 00:34:02,873 We play so loud, we actually make people's eardrums bleed. 616 00:34:02,999 --> 00:34:04,542 Ew. l mean, not really. 617 00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:06,460 (RODRlCK LAUGHS) 618 00:34:06,753 --> 00:34:07,795 l think your brother likes her! 619 00:34:07,879 --> 00:34:08,879 (MUSlC STOPS) 620 00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:13,134 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 621 00:34:14,136 --> 00:34:15,678 l have to go find my friend. 622 00:34:15,762 --> 00:34:17,930 Yeah, yeah, l know. 623 00:34:20,267 --> 00:34:23,769 Reminder! You can't call if you're dead. 624 00:34:28,316 --> 00:34:30,234 (PEOPLE LAUGHlNG) 625 00:34:33,321 --> 00:34:36,031 Dude, this party is dying. Look, the girls aren't into it. 626 00:34:36,116 --> 00:34:37,825 Look, they want to dance. 627 00:34:38,118 --> 00:34:39,744 You don't ask them to dance, they're gonna leave, 628 00:34:39,828 --> 00:34:41,078 then you're just gonna be that guy 629 00:34:41,163 --> 00:34:42,830 who threw the lame party with no girls. 630 00:34:42,914 --> 00:34:44,498 Go ask the girls to dance! 631 00:34:45,333 --> 00:34:46,584 You ask them. 632 00:34:48,336 --> 00:34:49,962 (LAUGHS) No, man. You go ask the girls to dance. 633 00:34:50,046 --> 00:34:51,172 You almost did it. 634 00:34:51,256 --> 00:34:53,132 l'm not going to do it! l've seen you dance! 635 00:34:53,216 --> 00:34:54,216 l'm not doing it. . . 636 00:34:54,384 --> 00:34:57,344 Did somebody say "dance"? Break it down ! 637 00:34:57,429 --> 00:34:59,180 Rowley, no! Don't! 638 00:35:00,307 --> 00:35:02,266 That kid's dead. No, wait, man. What are you, new? 639 00:35:02,350 --> 00:35:05,686 You can't mess with a chubby kid, the girls'll freak out! 640 00:35:06,688 --> 00:35:09,815 (FAST-PACED DANCE MUSlC PLAYlNG) 641 00:35:09,900 --> 00:35:12,151 l won't call Mom. You can kill me. 642 00:35:12,235 --> 00:35:14,653 Conga! 643 00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:17,865 (JUMP IN THE LINE PLAYING) 644 00:35:17,949 --> 00:35:19,074 What is he doing? 645 00:35:19,659 --> 00:35:21,994 Who cares? l'm going to go squeeze in 646 00:35:22,078 --> 00:35:24,288 next to Rachel Lewis and Amy Ramirez! 647 00:35:24,372 --> 00:35:27,291 Shake, shake, shake, Senora, Shake your body line 648 00:35:27,375 --> 00:35:31,629 Shake, shake, shake, Senora, Shake it all the time 649 00:35:31,713 --> 00:35:33,672 My girl's name is Senora 650 00:35:33,757 --> 00:35:35,800 I tell you, friends, I adore her 651 00:35:35,884 --> 00:35:37,802 And when she dances, oh, brother! 652 00:35:37,886 --> 00:35:40,262 She's a hurricane in all kinds of weather 653 00:35:40,347 --> 00:35:42,389 Jump in the line, Rock your body 654 00:35:42,474 --> 00:35:43,974 This is great! 655 00:35:44,059 --> 00:35:46,477 l know! l wish my mom was here. 656 00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:49,313 Your parents are so cool to let you have this party. 657 00:35:49,606 --> 00:35:53,442 Yeah, really cool. And they can never know. 658 00:35:53,527 --> 00:35:55,402 You can talk about Cha Cha 659 00:35:55,487 --> 00:35:57,321 Tango, Waltz, or the Rumba 660 00:35:57,405 --> 00:35:59,448 Senora's dance has no title 661 00:35:59,533 --> 00:36:02,076 You jump in the saddle Hold on to the bridle! 662 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,703 Jump in the line, Rock your body in time 663 00:36:04,788 --> 00:36:06,288 Whoa! 664 00:36:06,373 --> 00:36:11,585 Shake, shake, shake, Senora, Shake it all the time 665 00:36:14,714 --> 00:36:16,841 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 666 00:36:33,233 --> 00:36:37,194 FRANK: Hi. You've reached the Heffley residence. Please leave a message. 667 00:36:37,487 --> 00:36:40,865 SUSAN: Hey, guys. Manny's sick. We're on our way home. 668 00:36:40,991 --> 00:36:42,408 See you in an hour. 669 00:36:42,617 --> 00:36:44,577 Holy. . . Moly! 670 00:36:48,748 --> 00:36:50,624 You are in so much trouble. 671 00:36:53,086 --> 00:36:55,337 Me? You lied to Mom, just as much as l did. 672 00:36:55,422 --> 00:36:58,424 You know how she feels about lying ! She's gonna kill both of us! 673 00:37:02,304 --> 00:37:03,554 (STAMMERS) 674 00:37:04,139 --> 00:37:06,640 You do the living room, l'll start the kitchen. Go! 675 00:37:06,808 --> 00:37:09,059 (NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH PLAYING) 676 00:37:09,144 --> 00:37:11,812 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 677 00:37:11,897 --> 00:37:14,815 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 678 00:37:14,900 --> 00:37:20,446 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 679 00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:23,407 I'd rather you didn't than did 680 00:37:23,491 --> 00:37:26,285 I'd rather you didn't get rid 681 00:37:26,369 --> 00:37:28,996 Of me at that age Such a young awkward stage 682 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,124 That is not what you do to a kid 683 00:37:32,208 --> 00:37:34,960 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 684 00:37:35,045 --> 00:37:38,088 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 685 00:37:38,173 --> 00:37:40,591 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 686 00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:43,594 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 687 00:37:43,678 --> 00:37:46,430 If this is the case Let us cut to the chase 688 00:37:46,514 --> 00:37:49,475 I'm so sorry I never let go 689 00:37:49,559 --> 00:37:52,436 I went to the doctor the kind that you talk to 690 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,522 And he said the process is slow 691 00:37:56,399 --> 00:37:58,275 (SOBBlNG) 692 00:37:58,735 --> 00:38:00,986 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 693 00:38:01,071 --> 00:38:03,280 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 694 00:38:03,365 --> 00:38:06,408 Down, down, down ! All right, let's go. 695 00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:09,787 I'd rather you hadn't than had 696 00:38:09,871 --> 00:38:12,581 If you hadn't I wouldn't be mad 697 00:38:12,666 --> 00:38:15,459 At what I'd been handed Despite it I've landed 698 00:38:15,543 --> 00:38:17,920 On both feet so don't worry, Dad 699 00:38:18,004 --> 00:38:19,296 lt looks good. 700 00:38:19,381 --> 00:38:21,090 Too good. 701 00:38:21,508 --> 00:38:24,259 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 702 00:38:24,344 --> 00:38:25,386 Let's get the kitchen. 703 00:38:27,097 --> 00:38:29,390 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 704 00:38:33,395 --> 00:38:34,436 (EXCLAlMS) 705 00:38:34,521 --> 00:38:35,896 Maybe we can paint over it. 706 00:38:35,981 --> 00:38:37,731 l don't know how to make paint! 707 00:38:38,191 --> 00:38:39,316 l got it! 708 00:38:39,401 --> 00:38:41,235 See? lt's a good thing l locked you down here. 709 00:38:41,319 --> 00:38:42,319 Now let's go! 710 00:38:45,156 --> 00:38:46,281 We're not gonna make it! 711 00:38:46,366 --> 00:38:47,408 We're gonna make it. 712 00:38:47,784 --> 00:38:48,784 (EXCLAlMS) 713 00:38:49,911 --> 00:38:51,578 Trash mine if you'd like to 714 00:38:51,663 --> 00:38:53,038 I'm sure you'd be psyched to 715 00:38:53,123 --> 00:38:55,290 Remember our name is the same 716 00:38:55,375 --> 00:38:57,334 See? Told you it would work. 717 00:38:59,087 --> 00:39:01,839 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 718 00:39:01,923 --> 00:39:07,011 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah 719 00:39:07,595 --> 00:39:08,637 (GASPS) 720 00:39:09,097 --> 00:39:10,097 Rodrick! 721 00:39:10,515 --> 00:39:12,850 The bathroom door! The door doesn't have a lock on it. 722 00:39:12,934 --> 00:39:15,310 The other door had a lock on it and this doesn't. We're dead. 723 00:39:15,395 --> 00:39:16,353 And if they find out. . . 724 00:39:16,438 --> 00:39:17,980 (SHUSHlNG) 725 00:39:20,734 --> 00:39:22,693 Greg? FRANK: Hey, guys! 726 00:39:22,861 --> 00:39:25,821 Hi. Hey, Mom, Dad. 727 00:39:25,947 --> 00:39:28,490 Hey, how's Manny? ls he feeling better? Poor little guy. 728 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,368 Yeah. He's doing okay. 729 00:39:31,453 --> 00:39:33,829 SUSAN: Wow. The house looks pretty good. 730 00:39:33,913 --> 00:39:35,914 l was expecting a real mess. 731 00:39:36,332 --> 00:39:37,499 Oh. . . (SlGHS) 732 00:39:37,584 --> 00:39:39,084 Who ate pretzels on the rug? 733 00:39:39,252 --> 00:39:40,252 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 734 00:39:41,379 --> 00:39:42,379 So. . . 735 00:39:44,382 --> 00:39:45,716 Who came over this weekend? 736 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,385 (LAUGHlNG) What? Nobody. 737 00:39:48,845 --> 00:39:51,597 You said nobody, Dad. No means no, right? 738 00:39:51,681 --> 00:39:54,141 Yeah, yeah. Good boy. 739 00:40:00,815 --> 00:40:01,857 So, 740 00:40:03,860 --> 00:40:06,153 you guys just hung out? 741 00:40:06,321 --> 00:40:07,905 Had a good time together, huh? 742 00:40:07,989 --> 00:40:09,740 Yeah, actually. 743 00:40:09,991 --> 00:40:11,950 You know, l never thought l'd admit this, 744 00:40:12,035 --> 00:40:13,994 but we had a pretty good time together. 745 00:40:15,205 --> 00:40:16,371 Really? 746 00:40:16,456 --> 00:40:18,665 Yeah. Surprised me, too. 747 00:40:18,792 --> 00:40:22,795 So you just worked it all out by yourselves? 748 00:40:22,879 --> 00:40:26,256 Yeah, l guess. l don't know. Mom, don't make a big deal about it. 749 00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:27,633 Please, just. . . Okay. Okay. 750 00:40:27,717 --> 00:40:30,177 But nothing. . . Nothing makes me happier 751 00:40:30,261 --> 00:40:31,762 than to see you two being friends. 752 00:40:31,846 --> 00:40:32,971 Right, Frank? 753 00:40:33,056 --> 00:40:34,181 Hmm? Yeah. 754 00:40:36,059 --> 00:40:37,059 Yeah. 755 00:40:38,478 --> 00:40:40,854 Okay, let's go upstairs. 756 00:40:42,398 --> 00:40:44,274 (SlNGSONG) Time for a nappy. 757 00:40:44,359 --> 00:40:45,692 (EXHALES) 758 00:40:47,195 --> 00:40:49,196 FRANK: Hey! What the. . . 759 00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:54,451 You guys got something you want to tell me? 760 00:40:55,662 --> 00:40:56,703 No. 761 00:40:57,372 --> 00:41:02,501 What was General Grant doing on the thermostat? 762 00:41:03,670 --> 00:41:04,962 l have no idea. 763 00:41:05,046 --> 00:41:06,380 No idea. 764 00:41:06,881 --> 00:41:08,382 No idea, huh? 765 00:41:10,885 --> 00:41:15,389 Don't. . . These. . . These are off limits! No touch ! 766 00:41:15,515 --> 00:41:19,476 They are not toys. They're figurines! 767 00:41:20,728 --> 00:41:21,812 l can't. . . 768 00:41:24,065 --> 00:41:26,024 (WHlSPERlNG) We have to keep them away from the bathroom. 769 00:41:26,109 --> 00:41:27,568 For the next 1 0 years? 770 00:41:27,694 --> 00:41:29,153 Listen to me. 771 00:41:29,988 --> 00:41:33,157 No matter what they ask you, no matter how hard they push, 772 00:41:33,241 --> 00:41:35,200 deny, deny, deny. 773 00:41:35,451 --> 00:41:40,080 Even if they figure it out, never ever admit to anything. 774 00:41:40,165 --> 00:41:43,542 Deny, deny, deny. Got it? 775 00:41:44,127 --> 00:41:47,504 Got it. Deny, deny, deny. 776 00:41:48,423 --> 00:41:51,425 lt sounds to me like, "Lie, lie, lie." 777 00:41:51,718 --> 00:41:54,136 l kind of wish you hadn't told me. 778 00:41:55,471 --> 00:41:58,974 Don't you understand? Rodrick isn't beating me up anymore. 779 00:41:59,058 --> 00:42:02,227 But how are they not going to notice that the lock's gone? 780 00:42:02,353 --> 00:42:04,271 Please. They're like 40. 781 00:42:04,814 --> 00:42:06,982 They can barely remember our names. 782 00:42:12,155 --> 00:42:14,781 Hi, Greg ! l've returned from halfway around the world. 783 00:42:16,159 --> 00:42:19,620 And l see that you're even further than that from Holly Hills. 784 00:42:19,704 --> 00:42:22,915 l guess your unappealing older brother was right about you. 785 00:42:22,999 --> 00:42:24,541 You have no game. 786 00:42:25,293 --> 00:42:26,460 GREG: You know what? 787 00:42:26,544 --> 00:42:30,088 I liked Chirag a whole lot better when he was in India. 788 00:42:30,173 --> 00:42:32,382 Man, l sure do miss Chirag. 789 00:42:32,467 --> 00:42:33,759 l wonder when he's coming back. 790 00:42:35,094 --> 00:42:37,638 lt's almost like l can feel his presence. 791 00:42:37,722 --> 00:42:40,641 What are you talking about? Here l am ! 792 00:42:42,185 --> 00:42:43,644 Did you just hear something? 793 00:42:43,728 --> 00:42:44,770 (KlDS LAUGHlNG) 794 00:42:44,854 --> 00:42:46,021 No. Nothing. 795 00:42:46,356 --> 00:42:49,983 Well, better get to class. Chirag would've wanted it that way. 796 00:42:50,068 --> 00:42:51,318 (KlDS LAUGHlNG) BOY: Good one, Greg. 797 00:42:51,486 --> 00:42:54,529 You may be able to dominate me physically, Greg Heffley, 798 00:42:54,614 --> 00:42:57,324 but mentally, l am the more muscular! 799 00:42:57,784 --> 00:42:59,910 GREG: It is officially on. 800 00:43:08,670 --> 00:43:09,795 Hey, Rowley. 801 00:43:09,921 --> 00:43:11,088 Hey. 802 00:43:14,968 --> 00:43:16,426 Does he know about the D-O-R-E? 803 00:43:17,512 --> 00:43:18,512 Huh? 804 00:43:18,846 --> 00:43:19,846 The door! 805 00:43:21,015 --> 00:43:24,476 Yeah. Don't worry. l already told him, deny, deny, deny. 806 00:43:24,602 --> 00:43:26,520 Hi, Rowley! What's new, huh? 807 00:43:29,607 --> 00:43:31,149 (STUTTERlNG) 808 00:43:34,779 --> 00:43:35,779 Okay. 809 00:43:38,700 --> 00:43:40,617 (WHlSPERlNG) 810 00:43:40,702 --> 00:43:43,745 FRANK: Hey, wasn't there a lock on this door? 811 00:43:45,999 --> 00:43:48,333 l must be losing my marbles. 812 00:43:48,418 --> 00:43:49,835 (ALL SlGH lN RELlEF) 813 00:43:50,044 --> 00:43:53,380 Oh. l can't take this pressure. l'm leaving. 814 00:43:53,798 --> 00:43:55,549 Okay, everybody, dinnertime! 815 00:43:56,217 --> 00:43:58,302 Actually, Mom, l have to skip dinner. 816 00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:00,137 Why? 817 00:44:00,221 --> 00:44:02,472 l've got the most important meeting of my life tonight. 818 00:44:02,598 --> 00:44:04,308 Did you say you have a meeting? Yeah. 819 00:44:04,559 --> 00:44:07,519 Like, for like a job? Yeah. Kind of. 820 00:44:07,729 --> 00:44:10,230 l'm meeting with the best guitarist in Plainview. 821 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:13,150 Now he's in between bands, and if l can get him into Löded Diper, 822 00:44:13,234 --> 00:44:15,360 then winning the talent show is a lock. 823 00:44:15,486 --> 00:44:18,613 l mean, you'd like him, Dad. He's a real professional, like you. 824 00:44:18,865 --> 00:44:20,115 Mmm-hmm. Be supportive. 825 00:44:20,241 --> 00:44:21,283 (BANGlNG ON DOOR) 826 00:44:21,367 --> 00:44:23,327 That's him. l'll get that! 827 00:44:23,745 --> 00:44:27,289 Oh, man, l barely made it here. 828 00:44:27,373 --> 00:44:29,458 Your address has so many numbers! 829 00:44:30,168 --> 00:44:32,002 All right, Bill, we should. . . Whoa! 830 00:44:33,755 --> 00:44:36,048 Do l smell pot roast? 831 00:44:44,599 --> 00:44:45,932 Oh ! Mmm. 832 00:44:47,769 --> 00:44:50,354 GREG: BiII got voted "Most Likely to Be a Rock Star" 833 00:44:50,438 --> 00:44:51,563 when he was in high school. 834 00:44:52,940 --> 00:44:54,024 BOY: You suck! 835 00:44:55,610 --> 00:44:57,277 That hasn't really worked out. 836 00:44:57,487 --> 00:44:58,612 We should be going. . . 837 00:44:58,696 --> 00:44:59,780 Sit. 838 00:45:02,075 --> 00:45:04,117 So, Bill, 839 00:45:05,453 --> 00:45:08,038 Rodrick tells me that you're a professional musician. 840 00:45:08,122 --> 00:45:11,625 So that means that you earn enough to make a living? 841 00:45:11,709 --> 00:45:13,960 Oh, yeah ! Yeah. 842 00:45:14,629 --> 00:45:18,090 Well, enough if you live in your parents' basement. (LAUGHS) 843 00:45:18,633 --> 00:45:20,717 My parents are really supportive. 844 00:45:20,802 --> 00:45:23,762 Respect your parents, boys! 845 00:45:23,846 --> 00:45:25,555 Hey! That's what Joshie says! 846 00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:26,765 Shh ! 847 00:45:26,849 --> 00:45:27,849 So. . . 848 00:45:28,893 --> 00:45:31,061 lt doesn't sound like a cakewalk, right? No. 849 00:45:31,145 --> 00:45:32,312 Why don't you tell Rodrick? 850 00:45:32,397 --> 00:45:35,399 Give him a picture of just how challenging it can really be. 851 00:45:35,483 --> 00:45:37,484 No, it's really hard. 852 00:45:37,860 --> 00:45:40,862 First of all, there's no home-cooked meals like this. 853 00:45:40,947 --> 00:45:43,198 What? Really? 854 00:45:43,282 --> 00:45:47,536 Yeah, yeah ! No, on the road, it's all 855 00:45:47,620 --> 00:45:51,456 burgers and fries and pizza. 856 00:45:51,541 --> 00:45:54,668 Then you got to deal with the fans, especially the girls. 857 00:45:55,795 --> 00:45:59,464 No, it's definitely not for everyone. 858 00:46:00,299 --> 00:46:01,466 But. . . 859 00:46:02,510 --> 00:46:08,348 lf you like rocking deep into the night and partying hard all day 860 00:46:08,975 --> 00:46:11,935 then it might be the life for you. lt's definitely for me. 861 00:46:12,019 --> 00:46:13,562 ROWLEY: lt does sound fun. 862 00:46:13,688 --> 00:46:16,523 But what if you don't play a musical instrument? 863 00:46:17,525 --> 00:46:19,734 Löded Diper always needs roadies. 864 00:46:20,027 --> 00:46:22,362 So you're joining the band? 865 00:46:22,447 --> 00:46:23,947 Yeah, brother! 866 00:46:24,031 --> 00:46:26,032 l'm in. Let's rock! Yeah ! 867 00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:27,826 (BlLL CHEERlNG) 868 00:46:32,081 --> 00:46:33,206 (CHEERlNG) 869 00:46:37,879 --> 00:46:40,672 l think l might have brought too much stuff. 870 00:46:40,756 --> 00:46:43,341 Let's see how many views our video's got. 871 00:46:43,426 --> 00:46:45,218 lt's got to be thousands. 872 00:46:45,553 --> 00:46:46,845 Maybe millions! 873 00:46:48,055 --> 00:46:51,641 Four? We only got four lousy hits? 874 00:46:52,268 --> 00:46:56,229 Greg, l can't lie to your parents about the party. l never lie. 875 00:46:56,314 --> 00:46:58,148 Joshie says a lie hurts everyone. 876 00:46:59,942 --> 00:47:02,903 Guess who wanted to join the big boy sleepover! 877 00:47:02,987 --> 00:47:04,154 Bubby, Rowley! 878 00:47:04,238 --> 00:47:05,363 Mom, no, he'll ruin it! 879 00:47:05,448 --> 00:47:08,074 He just wanted to come in and say hi to Rowley. All right? 880 00:47:08,910 --> 00:47:11,328 And Rowley's mother brought over some healthy snacks 881 00:47:11,412 --> 00:47:14,289 and DVDs that she thought were appropriate. 882 00:47:15,416 --> 00:47:18,418 Enjoy your granola bars, boys. 883 00:47:20,129 --> 00:47:21,379 (ROWLEY SlGHS) 884 00:47:23,466 --> 00:47:27,010 Andy's Magic Cushion. Let's start with that. 885 00:47:28,804 --> 00:47:32,057 Or should we watch The Foot? 886 00:47:35,269 --> 00:47:37,979 What if she comes back in and asks about the party? 887 00:47:38,064 --> 00:47:39,731 You need to relax. 888 00:47:41,275 --> 00:47:42,609 How about a healthy snack? 889 00:47:47,281 --> 00:47:48,615 (SlGHS) 890 00:47:57,500 --> 00:47:59,543 We shouldn't be here. 891 00:47:59,627 --> 00:48:02,087 We can't just let ourselves into a stranger's home. 892 00:48:02,171 --> 00:48:05,465 The place is empty. Nobody's going to mind. 893 00:48:05,633 --> 00:48:06,841 (WOMAN GASPS) 894 00:48:07,510 --> 00:48:08,510 Oh. 895 00:48:09,220 --> 00:48:10,845 Look at his face. 896 00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:14,933 WOMAN: What happened to his foot? 897 00:48:21,357 --> 00:48:23,692 It sounded like someone was hopping. 898 00:48:23,776 --> 00:48:25,735 I'm telling you, it's nothing. 899 00:48:25,820 --> 00:48:27,737 It's just your imagination. 900 00:48:27,822 --> 00:48:28,822 (EXCLAlMS) 901 00:48:30,116 --> 00:48:32,075 Did you just kick me? 902 00:48:32,159 --> 00:48:34,327 (THUMPlNG) 903 00:48:38,541 --> 00:48:40,292 (SHRlLL SCREAM) 904 00:48:47,675 --> 00:48:48,717 (GROANS) 905 00:48:48,801 --> 00:48:51,595 You know, you really need to cut your toenails. 906 00:48:51,679 --> 00:48:53,597 What was that? 907 00:49:00,521 --> 00:49:01,521 (SCREAMS) 908 00:49:04,108 --> 00:49:05,900 Turn it off! Turn it off! 909 00:49:05,985 --> 00:49:08,028 GREG: Okay. Only 'cause you're scared. 910 00:49:08,362 --> 00:49:09,904 (BOTH PANTlNG) 911 00:49:10,823 --> 00:49:12,699 Let's just go to sleep. 912 00:49:14,577 --> 00:49:17,537 ROWLEY: l wish we had watched Andy's Magic Cushion. 913 00:49:26,047 --> 00:49:29,841 l love this movie, Frank. Don't you just love this movie? 914 00:49:32,053 --> 00:49:35,055 He picked the housekeeper over the supermodel? 915 00:49:35,139 --> 00:49:36,431 (SNlCKERlNG) 916 00:49:36,515 --> 00:49:38,058 l know. 917 00:49:38,726 --> 00:49:40,435 (ROWLEY SCREAMlNG) 918 00:49:41,103 --> 00:49:43,313 lt's got me! The foot has got me! 919 00:49:43,397 --> 00:49:46,399 (BOTH SCREAMlNG) 920 00:50:00,581 --> 00:50:04,959 Greg, is there something you want to say to Rowley and his father? 921 00:50:06,545 --> 00:50:09,839 l'm sorry for choosing an inappropriate movie for the sleepover. 922 00:50:10,883 --> 00:50:13,009 At least nobody got hurt this time. 923 00:50:13,094 --> 00:50:15,845 l'm a little birdy. l'm a little birdy! 924 00:50:15,930 --> 00:50:17,389 (CRASHlNG) 925 00:50:18,265 --> 00:50:19,641 (GRUNTlNG) My knee bone. 926 00:50:25,231 --> 00:50:26,523 What? 927 00:50:35,032 --> 00:50:36,616 Mommy, look. 928 00:50:36,701 --> 00:50:40,328 Mommy is looking. Mommy's looked a thousand times! 929 00:50:40,955 --> 00:50:44,290 Mommy just needs to go to the potty for one minute, okay? 930 00:50:45,167 --> 00:50:47,127 No! No! 931 00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:53,466 SUSAN: What the heck? Where's the lock? 932 00:50:54,343 --> 00:50:55,468 Wait. 933 00:51:08,482 --> 00:51:11,317 SUSAN: Rodrick, could you come here, please? 934 00:51:11,777 --> 00:51:13,945 What happened to the lock? 935 00:51:14,780 --> 00:51:15,905 l don't know what you're talking about. 936 00:51:15,990 --> 00:51:17,991 There was a lock on this door. 937 00:51:18,075 --> 00:51:19,951 Um. . . (LAUGHS) 938 00:51:20,035 --> 00:51:21,661 l don't think so. 939 00:51:21,746 --> 00:51:24,330 Rodrick, l've lived in this house for 1 0 years. 940 00:51:24,415 --> 00:51:26,249 l've locked that door 1 0,000 times 941 00:51:26,333 --> 00:51:30,128 because sometimes it's my only moment of privacy of the day. 942 00:51:30,212 --> 00:51:31,254 l know there was a lock on that door. 943 00:51:31,380 --> 00:51:32,422 There wasn't. Trust me. 944 00:51:32,506 --> 00:51:34,674 Greg has walked in on me a million times. 945 00:51:34,759 --> 00:51:37,177 And if there was a lock, l would use it. 946 00:51:38,262 --> 00:51:40,847 ln fact, maybe you should put one on. 947 00:51:42,099 --> 00:51:43,600 So that's your story. 948 00:51:43,684 --> 00:51:46,811 There was never a lock and you have no idea what l'm talking about. 949 00:51:48,022 --> 00:51:49,606 Yes. 950 00:51:50,858 --> 00:51:54,110 Fine. l'll just go ask your brother the same thing. 951 00:52:00,451 --> 00:52:01,701 (WHlMPERS) 952 00:52:03,954 --> 00:52:06,498 Greg? Two words. 953 00:52:07,708 --> 00:52:11,211 Bathroom door. 954 00:52:18,135 --> 00:52:19,552 lt was Rodrick! He made me! lt was his idea. 955 00:52:19,637 --> 00:52:22,055 He had the party! Someone wrote on the door, so we had to change it! 956 00:52:22,139 --> 00:52:23,932 l knew it. l knew it. 957 00:52:24,016 --> 00:52:26,100 No, Mom, wait! l was exaggerating a little bit. 958 00:52:26,185 --> 00:52:28,186 lt wasn't a party. lt was a band rehearsal 959 00:52:28,270 --> 00:52:29,646 for the talent show. That's all it was. 960 00:52:29,730 --> 00:52:32,649 We said nobody could come over. He knew the rules. 961 00:52:32,733 --> 00:52:34,651 Yeah, but, Mom, if you punish him, 962 00:52:34,735 --> 00:52:36,152 Rodrick's gonna know l told on him. 963 00:52:36,237 --> 00:52:39,823 We really had a good time this weekend. But if you do this, 964 00:52:39,907 --> 00:52:42,492 Rodrick and l will never, ever be friends again. 965 00:52:43,494 --> 00:52:47,539 The idea that one day my kids won't get to know their Uncle Rodrick? 966 00:52:47,623 --> 00:52:49,666 Or have any family holidays? 967 00:52:50,376 --> 00:52:52,919 You two really have been getting along better this week, haven't you? 968 00:52:53,629 --> 00:52:55,547 Yeah. We really have. 969 00:52:55,631 --> 00:52:56,631 (SlGHS) 970 00:52:59,802 --> 00:53:00,802 (EXCLAlMS) 971 00:53:01,637 --> 00:53:03,096 Okay, if. . . 972 00:53:04,765 --> 00:53:07,100 lf l let this slide, 973 00:53:08,602 --> 00:53:12,689 and be our little secret for the sake of the family, 974 00:53:12,773 --> 00:53:14,524 and for your relationship with your brother, 975 00:53:14,608 --> 00:53:18,611 do you swear to be on your best behavior and get along? 976 00:53:19,572 --> 00:53:21,364 l swear. l swear. 977 00:53:24,994 --> 00:53:31,165 Okay. 978 00:53:34,795 --> 00:53:36,296 (SlGHS lN RELlEF) 979 00:53:45,931 --> 00:53:48,474 You didn't buckle. 980 00:53:48,976 --> 00:53:50,977 Deny, deny, deny, right? 981 00:53:55,190 --> 00:53:56,482 You know. . . 982 00:53:57,985 --> 00:54:02,655 You may not be half as lame as l thought you were. 983 00:54:06,285 --> 00:54:07,660 GREG: I couldn't believe it! 984 00:54:07,745 --> 00:54:10,288 Rodrick was actually trying to be nice to me. 985 00:54:15,544 --> 00:54:19,422 Wow! You're a Mom Bucks millionaire! 986 00:54:19,506 --> 00:54:21,424 Where'd you get these? Thrift shops. 987 00:54:21,508 --> 00:54:24,594 There's enough in here to last me until l'm 30. 988 00:54:24,678 --> 00:54:25,970 (GROANS) 989 00:54:26,805 --> 00:54:32,560 lt's about time, little bro, that you learn the secrets to an easy life. 990 00:54:33,729 --> 00:54:35,146 Rule number one, 991 00:54:35,230 --> 00:54:37,231 don't be good at something you don't want to do. 992 00:54:43,656 --> 00:54:47,116 Guys! Use clean rags, not. . . 993 00:54:47,201 --> 00:54:51,496 Just give me that! l'll do it myself. 994 00:54:53,540 --> 00:54:57,377 Rule number two, always lower Mom and Dad's expectations. 995 00:55:02,132 --> 00:55:04,717 Hey, l took a math test today 996 00:55:04,802 --> 00:55:06,469 and l'm pretty sure l flunked it. 997 00:55:06,553 --> 00:55:07,720 Oh, Greg ! 998 00:55:07,805 --> 00:55:10,974 But l got it back, and look! 999 00:55:11,058 --> 00:55:12,642 l got a C minus. 1000 00:55:13,894 --> 00:55:16,187 Well, at least you didn't fail. 1001 00:55:18,732 --> 00:55:21,067 Rule number three, never do something 1002 00:55:21,151 --> 00:55:23,444 when someone else can do it for you. 1003 00:55:23,737 --> 00:55:24,737 (EXCLAlMS) 1004 00:55:25,656 --> 00:55:28,199 "1 00 Years Ago." l remember that assignment. 1005 00:55:28,909 --> 00:55:30,660 Why write a new one 1006 00:55:30,744 --> 00:55:32,620 when there's a perfectly good paper 1007 00:55:32,705 --> 00:55:34,914 already written by your brother? 1008 00:55:37,209 --> 00:55:38,835 lsn't that cheating? 1009 00:55:38,919 --> 00:55:40,878 lsn't Mr. Draybick cheating 1010 00:55:40,963 --> 00:55:44,674 by handing out the same assignment every year? 1011 00:55:47,261 --> 00:55:50,596 New binder. Teachers dig binders. 1012 00:55:52,391 --> 00:55:53,641 GREG: The thing was, 1013 00:55:53,726 --> 00:55:55,685 Rodrick had managed to get my dad to do 1014 00:55:55,769 --> 00:55:57,979 all his homework for the past five years. 1015 00:55:58,856 --> 00:56:00,690 Which one's the space bar again? 1016 00:56:00,774 --> 00:56:03,651 Just let me do it, okay? Okay. 1017 00:56:03,736 --> 00:56:07,071 I would never actually hand in a paper Rodrick wrote. 1018 00:56:07,156 --> 00:56:09,866 But my dad? That's a different story. 1019 00:56:09,950 --> 00:56:12,827 So that's just three of the things Rodrick has taught me. 1020 00:56:12,911 --> 00:56:14,454 He has a lot of cool tips. 1021 00:56:14,538 --> 00:56:17,582 l'm not sure Rodrick's tips are really that cool. 1022 00:56:20,002 --> 00:56:22,795 Okay, so the invisible Chirag joke is still going, 1023 00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:24,922 and the whole school is in on it. 1024 00:56:25,007 --> 00:56:27,550 But it looks like Chirag's discovered our weakness. 1025 00:56:27,634 --> 00:56:29,469 Hello, Greg, Rowley. 1026 00:56:29,553 --> 00:56:31,804 Still pretending l'm invisible, l presume. 1027 00:56:31,889 --> 00:56:33,431 (WHlSPERS) l don't know if l can do this. 1028 00:56:34,683 --> 00:56:36,726 (WHlSPERS) Stay strong. 1029 00:56:36,810 --> 00:56:38,811 What is this? A corn dog. 1030 00:56:38,896 --> 00:56:42,106 Rowley's all-time favorite lunch delicacy. 1031 00:56:42,191 --> 00:56:46,402 lf you say you can see me, Rowley, it is all yours. 1032 00:56:47,488 --> 00:56:51,282 Mmm. Smell that buttermilk batter. 1033 00:56:51,366 --> 00:56:52,867 GlRL 1 : You got him, Chirag. (ROWLEY GRUNTlNG) 1034 00:56:52,951 --> 00:56:53,993 GlRL 1 : Resist it. 1035 00:56:54,078 --> 00:56:55,078 GlRL 2: Don't do it, Rowley. 1036 00:56:56,205 --> 00:56:58,956 Hey, everyone, look! There's a floating corn dog. 1037 00:56:59,416 --> 00:57:01,417 (ALL LAUGHlNG) 1038 00:57:07,091 --> 00:57:09,092 I don't want to get ahead of myself or anything, 1039 00:57:09,176 --> 00:57:12,762 but I think I may have Class Clown in the bag for dreaming this one up. 1040 00:57:12,846 --> 00:57:13,846 (HONKlNG) 1041 00:57:14,348 --> 00:57:17,934 ln conclusion, without last century's technological advances, 1042 00:57:18,018 --> 00:57:23,523 there would be no computers, cell phones, or modern medical miracles. 1043 00:57:23,607 --> 00:57:27,652 And so for that, we salute and thank our ancestors 1044 00:57:27,736 --> 00:57:29,195 from 1 00 years ago. 1045 00:57:36,995 --> 00:57:39,789 Thank you, Holly. That was excellent work. 1046 00:57:39,873 --> 00:57:42,416 l think we have time for one more. 1047 00:57:42,501 --> 00:57:46,337 l have to say that when l read this paper 1048 00:57:46,421 --> 00:57:48,464 l was a bit surprised by its content. 1049 00:57:48,549 --> 00:57:54,387 But more than any other, this one deserves to be read out loud. 1050 00:57:56,265 --> 00:57:57,348 Greg? 1051 00:57:59,726 --> 00:58:01,352 Yay, Greg ! 1052 00:58:12,739 --> 00:58:15,658 Just read it, Greg. All of it. 1053 00:58:18,579 --> 00:58:19,829 GREG: Okay. 1054 00:58:21,165 --> 00:58:25,334 "Sometimes l sit and wonder about stuff l do not know 1055 00:58:25,419 --> 00:58:29,505 "Like what the Earth was like 1 00 years ago 1056 00:58:29,590 --> 00:58:35,094 "Did cavemen ride on dinosaurs? Did flowers even grow? 1057 00:58:35,179 --> 00:58:40,057 "Did spiders rule the Earth? Were deserts filled with snow? 1058 00:58:40,142 --> 00:58:43,811 "There were no books or humans, so How were we to know 1059 00:58:43,896 --> 00:58:46,939 "What life was like 1 00 years ago?" 1060 00:58:50,152 --> 00:58:51,277 Loser. 1061 00:58:53,614 --> 00:58:58,326 Now, Greg, when we talk about how important it is to recycle, 1062 00:58:58,410 --> 00:59:01,245 we don't mean turning in your brother's old papers. 1063 00:59:08,045 --> 00:59:10,046 l thought Dad helped you with this paper. 1064 00:59:10,130 --> 00:59:12,048 Well, actually, 1065 00:59:12,132 --> 00:59:14,634 Dad started writing my papers because of that paper. 1066 00:59:14,718 --> 00:59:16,093 l looked like an idiot! 1067 00:59:16,511 --> 00:59:19,931 And the girl from the roller rink? She laughed at me. 1068 00:59:20,599 --> 00:59:21,724 Ouch ! 1069 00:59:21,934 --> 00:59:24,977 Just do something that changes her opinion of you. 1070 00:59:25,062 --> 00:59:27,939 Like, set a firecracker off in the classroom. Boom ! 1071 00:59:28,023 --> 00:59:29,398 Chicks dig bad boys. 1072 00:59:29,483 --> 00:59:33,236 Well, actually l was thinking about writing her a note. 1073 00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:35,571 You mean like one with words on it? 1074 00:59:35,781 --> 00:59:37,198 l've got it all figured out. 1075 00:59:37,282 --> 00:59:40,493 I'm gonna pass her a note with a question on it, but it'll be anonymous. 1076 00:59:40,577 --> 00:59:42,745 She'll be like, "I have to know who wrote this." 1077 00:59:42,829 --> 00:59:44,497 Then later, I'll walk up to her 1078 00:59:44,581 --> 00:59:46,874 and ask her the exact same question. 1079 00:59:46,959 --> 00:59:48,542 It'll blow her mind. 1080 00:59:48,627 --> 00:59:50,253 (WHlSPERS) A note? 1081 00:59:50,337 --> 00:59:52,088 Do you want me to spell check it? 1082 00:59:52,172 --> 00:59:54,006 (WHlSPERS) Just pass it to Holly. 1083 00:59:55,217 --> 00:59:56,509 To Holly. 1084 00:59:58,011 --> 00:59:59,345 (SlGHS) 1085 01:00:09,356 --> 01:00:10,356 (MOUTHlNG) Thank you. 1086 01:00:14,861 --> 01:00:16,112 (WHlSPERS) lt's from Greg. 1087 01:00:25,956 --> 01:00:27,123 What's going on? 1088 01:00:27,207 --> 01:00:29,834 Greg Heffley is passing me notes! 1089 01:00:29,918 --> 01:00:31,544 No, l wasn't. 1090 01:00:33,505 --> 01:00:36,424 "How do you get your hair to smell so beautiful?" 1091 01:00:36,675 --> 01:00:37,925 (ALL LAUGHlNG) 1092 01:00:53,859 --> 01:00:55,234 (SNlFFS) 1093 01:00:56,069 --> 01:00:57,820 GREG: Okay. The note was a minor setback, 1094 01:00:57,904 --> 01:01:00,573 but at least things are still going well with Rodrick. 1095 01:01:00,657 --> 01:01:02,992 It's amazing but I'm actually enjoying 1096 01:01:03,076 --> 01:01:05,536 watching Löded Diper rehearse for the talent show. 1097 01:01:05,620 --> 01:01:08,039 Bill's taken the band to a whole new level. 1098 01:01:08,123 --> 01:01:09,915 (ECHOlNG) Somebody farted. 1099 01:01:13,587 --> 01:01:16,464 l got one. l got one. l got a good one. l got a good one. 1100 01:01:17,549 --> 01:01:18,883 (ECHOlNG) Somebody farted. 1101 01:01:23,847 --> 01:01:27,183 My dad should be happy that I'm hanging out with Rodrick. 1102 01:01:27,267 --> 01:01:29,685 But I don't think he really likes Bill. 1103 01:01:29,770 --> 01:01:32,855 I think what he's worried about is l'll turn out like Rodrick, 1104 01:01:32,939 --> 01:01:36,859 Manny'll turn out like me, and, eventually, we'll all turn out like Bill. 1105 01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:38,527 Rock and roll ! 1106 01:01:39,321 --> 01:01:40,863 Rock on. Yeah. 1107 01:02:04,513 --> 01:02:07,556 HOLLY: Dear Greg, meet me in the art room before lunch. 1108 01:02:07,641 --> 01:02:10,893 There's something I want to ask you. Kiss, kiss. Holly. 1109 01:02:27,327 --> 01:02:30,079 Hi, Holly! l was glad to get your note. 1110 01:02:30,163 --> 01:02:32,164 l've been wanting a chance to talk to you. 1111 01:02:32,249 --> 01:02:37,670 And, hey, you like to paint. l'm kind of an artist myself. 1112 01:02:40,173 --> 01:02:41,257 Holly? 1113 01:02:45,387 --> 01:02:46,387 Ha! 1114 01:02:46,513 --> 01:02:48,097 (GASPS) Chirag? 1115 01:02:48,181 --> 01:02:53,519 You see me now, don't you? Game, set and match to Chirag Gupta! 1116 01:03:03,864 --> 01:03:05,739 (PANTlNG) 1117 01:03:09,870 --> 01:03:11,579 Hi, Holly. Hi, Fregley. 1118 01:03:13,206 --> 01:03:14,457 She thinks l'm Fregley? 1119 01:03:14,583 --> 01:03:15,875 That's got to hurt. 1120 01:03:17,294 --> 01:03:18,544 (SlGHS) 1121 01:03:19,880 --> 01:03:21,755 (CHATTERlNG) 1122 01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:24,049 Want to see my secret freckle? 1123 01:03:24,468 --> 01:03:25,676 BOTH: Ew! 1124 01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:27,219 (LAUGHlNG) 1125 01:03:29,598 --> 01:03:32,725 So the note to the girl didn't work out? 1126 01:03:34,895 --> 01:03:39,482 All right. Let's go. Little bro, l am taking you out. 1127 01:03:41,401 --> 01:03:43,360 And here are my other men. 1128 01:03:43,445 --> 01:03:45,488 Greg, Rodrick, l'd like you to meet my editors, 1129 01:03:45,572 --> 01:03:46,989 Mr. Salz and Mrs. Kohan. 1130 01:03:47,073 --> 01:03:49,492 Hey. Hello. Nice to meet you. Hello. 1131 01:03:49,576 --> 01:03:51,118 Where you boys off to? 1132 01:03:51,203 --> 01:03:52,703 Just taking the little brother out 1133 01:03:52,787 --> 01:03:54,830 for the evening. He could use a good time. 1134 01:03:54,915 --> 01:03:57,750 Okay, well, be safe. And be home by 9:00. 1135 01:03:59,085 --> 01:04:01,128 Yeah. See you ! 1136 01:04:02,005 --> 01:04:04,006 Bye. Bye. Have fun ! 1137 01:04:04,090 --> 01:04:05,341 Good night. 1138 01:04:05,425 --> 01:04:08,260 Now that is impressive. 1139 01:04:08,637 --> 01:04:11,597 My older boy wants nothing to do with his younger brothers. 1140 01:04:11,681 --> 01:04:14,058 MRS. KOHAN: You certainly practice what you preach. 1141 01:04:14,142 --> 01:04:16,393 l think every mother in town should read your column. 1142 01:04:17,812 --> 01:04:18,812 Thanks. 1143 01:04:28,615 --> 01:04:32,034 Mom would kill us if she saw us eating this. 1144 01:04:32,118 --> 01:04:33,786 (BOTH MOANlNG) 1145 01:04:38,959 --> 01:04:40,125 (SLURPlNG) 1146 01:04:40,502 --> 01:04:42,294 (GROANlNG) 1147 01:04:42,921 --> 01:04:45,464 Brain freeze! Brain freeze! 1148 01:04:45,549 --> 01:04:49,385 All l can say is, get ready to have your mind blown. 1149 01:04:49,469 --> 01:04:51,929 We are going to have an epic night. 1150 01:04:52,013 --> 01:04:55,349 (GROANlNG) 1151 01:04:55,433 --> 01:04:56,934 Are you okay? 1152 01:04:57,310 --> 01:04:58,978 (RETCHlNG) 1153 01:05:00,647 --> 01:05:03,190 (LAUGHS) Fake vomit. You can't beat the classics. 1154 01:05:03,608 --> 01:05:04,692 Yeah. 1155 01:05:06,987 --> 01:05:10,155 Here we go. Here we go. Here he comes. 1156 01:05:10,448 --> 01:05:11,448 (SCREAMS) 1157 01:05:11,658 --> 01:05:12,950 (PANTlNG) 1158 01:05:16,204 --> 01:05:20,416 Okay. Very funny! Very funny. 1159 01:05:23,837 --> 01:05:25,129 GREG: This is sweet! 1160 01:05:25,213 --> 01:05:26,505 l told you. 1161 01:05:30,093 --> 01:05:31,176 (EXCLAlMS lN DlSGUST) 1162 01:05:32,637 --> 01:05:36,265 (SCREAMS) 1163 01:05:43,481 --> 01:05:47,735 So, you know that girl who l sent the note to? 1164 01:05:48,278 --> 01:05:49,486 Yeah? 1165 01:05:50,030 --> 01:05:52,031 She thinks l'm Fregley. 1166 01:05:52,115 --> 01:05:54,366 (LAUGHlNG) Oh, man ! 1167 01:05:55,285 --> 01:05:58,287 l mean, hey, don't take it hard. 1168 01:05:58,371 --> 01:06:01,123 Girls act like they're not into you when they really are. 1169 01:06:01,291 --> 01:06:06,629 l mean, tons of girls act like they're not into me, but they are. 1170 01:06:06,713 --> 01:06:09,632 l know they are. l bet she really likes you. 1171 01:06:09,716 --> 01:06:10,883 (FOOTSTEPS) 1172 01:06:12,218 --> 01:06:14,053 (WHlSPERS) Check it out. Check it out. 1173 01:06:15,597 --> 01:06:16,597 Whoa! 1174 01:06:18,266 --> 01:06:19,808 (RODRlCK LAUGHlNG) 1175 01:06:24,230 --> 01:06:25,439 Who's out there? 1176 01:06:26,733 --> 01:06:27,941 No way. 1177 01:06:28,068 --> 01:06:29,318 Coach Malone? 1178 01:06:29,402 --> 01:06:31,820 Real funny, yeah? Oh, yeah ! 1179 01:06:31,905 --> 01:06:35,616 Well, you just messed with the wrong athlete! 1180 01:06:35,700 --> 01:06:36,909 Move. Move! 1181 01:06:38,453 --> 01:06:40,371 MALONE: Show yourself! Go, go! 1182 01:06:41,164 --> 01:06:44,750 You want to take me on? Yeah? You want to take me on? 1183 01:06:44,834 --> 01:06:47,711 You better bring your A game, 'cause l am a competitor! 1184 01:06:47,796 --> 01:06:49,421 Come on ! MALONE: You will come out! 1185 01:06:49,506 --> 01:06:51,674 You know l'm going to find you ! 1186 01:06:51,758 --> 01:06:52,800 Help! 1187 01:06:52,884 --> 01:06:53,926 Come on. 1188 01:06:55,095 --> 01:06:56,762 Something tickles. 1189 01:06:57,097 --> 01:06:58,597 (SCREAMlNG) 1190 01:07:03,269 --> 01:07:04,561 RODRlCK: Come on. Come on. Come on. 1191 01:07:05,438 --> 01:07:06,438 (YELLS) 1192 01:07:06,523 --> 01:07:08,065 (GREG WHlMPERlNG) 1193 01:07:08,149 --> 01:07:12,444 MALONE: You can't outrun me! l'm a superstar! 1194 01:07:12,570 --> 01:07:13,862 RODRlCK: Go, go, go, go! 1195 01:07:13,947 --> 01:07:16,073 MALONE: Everywhere you go, it's me! 1196 01:07:16,866 --> 01:07:18,575 (RODRlCK SHRlEKS) (MALONE GRUNTlNG) 1197 01:07:19,452 --> 01:07:21,328 Stupid carbs! 1198 01:07:22,205 --> 01:07:23,831 There's the mall ! Come on. 1199 01:07:24,207 --> 01:07:25,582 l can't go much further! 1200 01:07:25,667 --> 01:07:26,959 (GREG PANTlNG) 1201 01:07:37,637 --> 01:07:38,804 (PANTlNG) 1202 01:07:41,141 --> 01:07:42,224 (GROWLS) 1203 01:07:42,684 --> 01:07:44,059 Got you ! 1204 01:07:45,145 --> 01:07:46,729 (PEOPLE MURMURlNG) 1205 01:07:46,813 --> 01:07:48,355 WOMAN: Coach Malone? 1206 01:08:02,662 --> 01:08:05,456 "You can't outrun me! l'm a superstar!" 1207 01:08:05,540 --> 01:08:07,374 "Everywhere you go, it's me!" 1208 01:08:07,500 --> 01:08:08,667 Come on. 1209 01:08:12,589 --> 01:08:15,132 Oh, you boys are five minutes early. Did you have a good time? 1210 01:08:15,216 --> 01:08:16,467 A great time. 1211 01:08:16,551 --> 01:08:18,260 That is so sweet. 1212 01:08:18,344 --> 01:08:20,471 l just can't get over how well your boys get along. 1213 01:08:20,555 --> 01:08:23,766 Well, Larry, we run a pretty tight ship around here. 1214 01:08:23,850 --> 01:08:25,934 lt's all about boundaries, rules. 1215 01:08:26,019 --> 01:08:29,146 Anyway, let me show you some of those Civil War re-enactment photos 1216 01:08:29,230 --> 01:08:30,439 l was telling you about. 1217 01:08:30,523 --> 01:08:32,107 So, what did you boys do? 1218 01:08:32,192 --> 01:08:35,652 (STUTTERS) Just hung out at the mall. 1219 01:08:35,737 --> 01:08:39,948 And talked about life. Nothing special. 1220 01:08:40,033 --> 01:08:41,033 Oh, my God. 1221 01:08:44,913 --> 01:08:46,330 Rodrick? 1222 01:08:46,414 --> 01:08:48,832 Can you explain what you're doing in this photo? 1223 01:08:51,211 --> 01:08:52,252 That's not me. 1224 01:08:55,048 --> 01:08:56,215 That's not you? 1225 01:08:56,299 --> 01:08:57,382 Nope. 1226 01:08:57,759 --> 01:09:00,344 Okay. How about these? 1227 01:09:16,611 --> 01:09:19,321 l can't believe that you had a party! 1228 01:09:19,405 --> 01:09:23,075 Greg, you told me it was a couple of kids, a band rehearsal ! 1229 01:09:23,159 --> 01:09:25,577 Wait, Susan, you knew about this? 1230 01:09:26,246 --> 01:09:27,287 SUSAN: Yes. 1231 01:09:27,372 --> 01:09:28,497 Yes, l knew. 1232 01:09:28,623 --> 01:09:29,748 You told Mom? 1233 01:09:29,833 --> 01:09:31,333 l knew they had a party! 1234 01:09:31,417 --> 01:09:33,335 lt slipped out, but l took it back! 1235 01:09:33,419 --> 01:09:34,962 My instincts told me you weren't being honest! 1236 01:09:35,088 --> 01:09:36,588 l should've trusted my instincts. FRANK: Wait! 1237 01:09:36,673 --> 01:09:38,841 You knew about this, but you didn't tell me about it? 1238 01:09:38,925 --> 01:09:40,509 l still protected you ! 1239 01:09:40,593 --> 01:09:41,927 l threw Mom off your scent! 1240 01:09:42,011 --> 01:09:44,096 Great job. She has no idea! 1241 01:09:44,180 --> 01:09:47,349 We are supposed to be a team against them ! 1242 01:09:47,433 --> 01:09:48,851 They were getting along so well 1243 01:09:48,935 --> 01:09:50,352 l let it blind me to the truth ! 1244 01:09:50,436 --> 01:09:52,187 Why were you taking pictures? 1245 01:09:52,272 --> 01:09:55,357 lt was so crazy that morning, l forgot we took the pictures. 1246 01:09:55,441 --> 01:09:59,152 So l let it slide. And l am so sorry. 1247 01:09:59,237 --> 01:10:01,321 Oh, God. lt feels so good to get that out. 1248 01:10:01,406 --> 01:10:05,367 l haven't been able to look at that bathroom door for two weeks! 1249 01:10:05,451 --> 01:10:07,619 l knew that door had a lock on it! 1250 01:10:07,704 --> 01:10:11,081 And everybody was trying to make me feel like l was losing my mind ! 1251 01:10:11,165 --> 01:10:13,250 We're just gonna let ourselves out. 1252 01:10:13,376 --> 01:10:15,460 l wouldn't write a column about this. 1253 01:10:18,131 --> 01:10:19,506 (DOOR CLOSES) 1254 01:10:20,550 --> 01:10:22,885 l'm going upstairs! 1255 01:10:22,969 --> 01:10:25,178 To a bathroom that has a lock on it 1256 01:10:25,263 --> 01:10:28,515 and no one can tell me that it doesn't. 1257 01:10:30,810 --> 01:10:33,186 l have to go talk to your father. 1258 01:10:35,356 --> 01:10:37,691 l will deal with you boys later. 1259 01:10:41,195 --> 01:10:43,447 Rodrick, l really didn't tell her! 1260 01:10:43,531 --> 01:10:47,284 l mean maybe, sort of, but l made a deal with her, 1261 01:10:47,368 --> 01:10:50,495 and we had a really good time, and. . . 1262 01:10:50,580 --> 01:10:52,497 You're my brother, 1263 01:10:52,999 --> 01:10:55,417 but you'll never be my friend. 1264 01:11:04,552 --> 01:11:06,261 (SUSAN BREATHES DEEPLY) 1265 01:11:17,357 --> 01:11:19,942 Your father and l have talked and we've decided on your punishment. 1266 01:11:20,026 --> 01:11:23,612 Greg, you're grounded for two weeks. 1267 01:11:23,696 --> 01:11:26,740 Also, no video games for two weeks. 1268 01:11:27,617 --> 01:11:31,745 Rodrick, you may only drive to and from school for the next month. 1269 01:11:31,829 --> 01:11:35,707 As the ringleader, you are also grounded for a month. 1270 01:11:36,167 --> 01:11:39,795 Mom, l'm sorry, and l won't do it again. 1271 01:11:39,879 --> 01:11:41,505 l know you won't. 1272 01:11:43,091 --> 01:11:44,716 And to make sure 1273 01:11:46,052 --> 01:11:48,762 we're also not allowing you to perform in the talent show. 1274 01:11:49,973 --> 01:11:54,101 What? No. You can't do that. 1275 01:11:54,185 --> 01:11:56,311 Ground me for a year, l don't care, 1276 01:11:56,604 --> 01:11:58,605 but you have to let me play in that show. 1277 01:11:58,690 --> 01:12:00,691 This could be my big break. l'm sorry. 1278 01:12:01,150 --> 01:12:04,653 Dad? Come on. This isn't fair. l just got Bill in the band ! 1279 01:12:04,737 --> 01:12:07,698 Actually, Rodrick, that doesn't help your case. 1280 01:12:07,782 --> 01:12:09,116 Bill's kind of a jerk. 1281 01:12:10,660 --> 01:12:12,869 Our decision is final. 1282 01:12:20,962 --> 01:12:22,587 (WHlSPERS) You are so dead ! 1283 01:12:27,093 --> 01:12:29,386 GREG: Things have never been worse. 1284 01:12:29,470 --> 01:12:31,013 Our parents are super mad at us, 1285 01:12:31,097 --> 01:12:32,639 so we have to spend the weekend 1286 01:12:32,765 --> 01:12:35,851 at my grandpa's boring retirement community. 1287 01:12:35,935 --> 01:12:38,270 Holly Hills thinks I'm Fregley, 1288 01:12:38,354 --> 01:12:41,148 and my relationship with Rodrick is at an all-time low. 1289 01:12:41,232 --> 01:12:43,942 So he's made it his mission to ruin my life. 1290 01:12:45,778 --> 01:12:46,903 Quit it! 1291 01:12:46,988 --> 01:12:50,115 Why don't you tell Mom? You're good at that. 1292 01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:52,200 Grandpa doesn't like TV. 1293 01:12:52,285 --> 01:12:56,038 lnstead, he prefers to watch the lobby on the security channel. 1294 01:12:56,122 --> 01:12:58,540 l should be rehearsing right now. 1295 01:12:59,625 --> 01:13:03,837 Please, Grandpa. Please, can we watch a real TV show now? 1296 01:13:03,921 --> 01:13:06,882 TV is just a bunch of fakers. 1297 01:13:06,966 --> 01:13:09,259 This is real life. 1298 01:13:09,343 --> 01:13:11,386 lt's real life. You can't beat it. 1299 01:13:11,471 --> 01:13:12,763 (SlGHS) 1300 01:13:15,141 --> 01:13:17,809 How's about we all go down to the games room? 1301 01:13:17,894 --> 01:13:20,103 You boys like games, don't you? 1302 01:13:22,148 --> 01:13:23,648 GREG: The games room sounds fun 1303 01:13:23,733 --> 01:13:28,403 until you realize that all the games in there are from, like, the 1 800s. 1304 01:13:28,488 --> 01:13:32,616 My grandpa's favorite is a really old board game called Gutbusters. 1305 01:13:32,700 --> 01:13:36,661 Now, remember, the object of the game is to read the joke card 1306 01:13:36,746 --> 01:13:39,831 and all the other players have to try not to laugh. 1307 01:13:40,500 --> 01:13:44,169 (SNlCKERS) Good luck! There are some real rib-ticklers in there! 1308 01:13:44,253 --> 01:13:46,046 Yeah. 1309 01:13:46,130 --> 01:13:47,464 You go first. 1310 01:13:49,550 --> 01:13:52,803 "Putting economic policy before fiscal responsibility 1311 01:13:52,887 --> 01:13:55,847 "is like putting the cart before the horse." 1312 01:14:00,019 --> 01:14:01,728 (LAUGHlNG) 1313 01:14:02,897 --> 01:14:05,941 That is hilarious, Grandpa! Read another one, Greg. 1314 01:14:06,859 --> 01:14:09,194 l'm going to go change my shirt. 1315 01:14:15,118 --> 01:14:16,201 Hi ! 1316 01:14:18,996 --> 01:14:21,957 Oh, hi, Holly. What are you doing here? 1317 01:14:22,041 --> 01:14:24,501 l'm visiting my grandma. She just moved here. 1318 01:14:24,585 --> 01:14:27,045 l'm on Grandpa duty. 1319 01:14:27,130 --> 01:14:30,882 Listen, Greg, l'm really sorry for calling you Fregley the other day. 1320 01:14:30,967 --> 01:14:32,217 l don't know what happened. 1321 01:14:32,301 --> 01:14:35,679 l think it's the Greg and Freg part, my brain just flipped. 1322 01:14:35,763 --> 01:14:39,975 You called me Fregley? l had no idea. 1323 01:14:40,059 --> 01:14:41,393 Really? 1324 01:14:41,561 --> 01:14:42,853 Not really. 1325 01:14:42,937 --> 01:14:45,772 l heard it. lt was pretty rough. 1326 01:14:45,857 --> 01:14:48,900 But don't worry, l have the rest of middle school to get over it. 1327 01:14:50,444 --> 01:14:52,028 What happened to your shirt? 1328 01:14:52,113 --> 01:14:55,407 Oh, my brother spit milk on me. 1329 01:14:55,491 --> 01:14:58,034 Let me guess, he was pretending to laugh 1330 01:14:58,119 --> 01:15:00,162 at something that wasn't actually funny. 1331 01:15:00,246 --> 01:15:01,621 How did you know? 1332 01:15:01,706 --> 01:15:03,498 lt's in the Older Sibling Handbook. 1333 01:15:03,583 --> 01:15:07,085 Last week, my older sister put hair remover in my shampoo. 1334 01:15:07,170 --> 01:15:09,796 lf l hadn't smelled something, l'd be completely bald by now! 1335 01:15:09,881 --> 01:15:11,548 Why would she do that? 1336 01:15:11,632 --> 01:15:13,675 Duh ! 'Cause she's my sister. 1337 01:15:13,759 --> 01:15:17,429 lt's part of the deal. You fight and then you get over it. 1338 01:15:18,347 --> 01:15:20,473 Not my brother. He hates me 1339 01:15:20,558 --> 01:15:22,184 and he'll never get over it. 1340 01:15:22,268 --> 01:15:25,020 Of course he will. He has to. He's your brother. 1341 01:15:27,106 --> 01:15:30,192 l also have a little sister who's spoiled rotten. 1342 01:15:30,276 --> 01:15:32,777 Tell me about it! My little brother ruins all my stuff, 1343 01:15:32,862 --> 01:15:35,322 and somehow l'm the one who ends up getting in trouble for it. 1344 01:15:35,406 --> 01:15:36,990 Doesn't that drive you nuts? 1345 01:15:37,074 --> 01:15:38,158 (SCOFFS) 1346 01:15:38,242 --> 01:15:39,242 GRANDMA HlLLS: Holly! Time for dinner! 1347 01:15:39,327 --> 01:15:41,995 l got to go. lt was cool hanging out with you. 1348 01:15:42,079 --> 01:15:44,873 l'll look for you tomorrow, Greg. 1349 01:15:44,957 --> 01:15:47,542 See you later, Fregley. 1350 01:15:47,627 --> 01:15:50,170 GREG: I thought being at Grandpa's was a punishment 1351 01:15:50,254 --> 01:15:54,341 but, really, it was destiny that Holly was here, too. 1352 01:15:54,425 --> 01:15:56,468 My luck had finally changed. 1353 01:16:00,514 --> 01:16:02,599 (SNORlNG) 1354 01:16:15,821 --> 01:16:18,448 RODRlCK: (READlNG) "l've never believed in fate, or destiny, 1355 01:16:18,532 --> 01:16:20,158 "or whatever, until now. 1356 01:16:20,243 --> 01:16:22,744 "Things are finally starting to go my way!" 1357 01:16:22,828 --> 01:16:26,122 Rodrick, be quiet. Talk on the phone someplace else. 1358 01:16:26,207 --> 01:16:28,583 "l thought being at Grandpa's was a punishment 1359 01:16:28,668 --> 01:16:32,420 "but, really, it was destiny that Holly was here, too. 1360 01:16:32,505 --> 01:16:35,215 "My luck had finally changed." 1361 01:16:36,217 --> 01:16:37,842 Aww! (LAUGHS) 1362 01:16:39,762 --> 01:16:41,096 Give it back, Rodrick! 1363 01:16:41,180 --> 01:16:43,807 This stuff is priceless! No way. 1364 01:16:43,891 --> 01:16:45,350 Come on. Give it back! 1365 01:16:45,434 --> 01:16:47,269 You know what? l will give it back. 1366 01:16:47,353 --> 01:16:49,854 To Holly! Wait till she reads this garbage! 1367 01:16:50,523 --> 01:16:52,732 (THIS IS WAR PLAYlNG) 1368 01:16:52,817 --> 01:16:55,026 I don't even want to go 1369 01:16:55,111 --> 01:16:56,653 "l can't believe my luck! 1370 01:16:56,737 --> 01:16:59,030 "l finally got Holly all to myself 1371 01:16:59,115 --> 01:17:01,324 "without Chirag, or anyone else!" 1372 01:17:01,409 --> 01:17:03,201 (LAUGHlNG) 1373 01:17:03,286 --> 01:17:04,995 Give it back, Rodrick! Give it back. 1374 01:17:05,079 --> 01:17:06,788 No way. 1375 01:17:11,544 --> 01:17:13,670 Always stuck in a daydream 1376 01:17:13,754 --> 01:17:15,839 Can't focus on the other team 1377 01:17:15,923 --> 01:17:18,174 Hunted you all day and night 1378 01:17:18,259 --> 01:17:19,801 Now I'm ready for a fight 1379 01:17:19,885 --> 01:17:21,553 This is war 1380 01:17:22,680 --> 01:17:24,222 Yeah, yeah, yeah 1381 01:17:24,307 --> 01:17:28,977 This is war 1382 01:17:29,562 --> 01:17:31,313 Yeah, yeah, yeah 1383 01:17:31,397 --> 01:17:32,897 This is war 1384 01:17:33,733 --> 01:17:34,733 (GASPS) 1385 01:17:36,235 --> 01:17:38,695 'Cause I got to knock you out 1386 01:17:41,198 --> 01:17:42,198 Whoop! 1387 01:17:44,285 --> 01:17:45,577 (WOMAN SHRlEKS) 1388 01:17:46,996 --> 01:17:47,996 Oh ! 1389 01:17:50,333 --> 01:17:52,000 (RODRlCK LAUGHlNG) 1390 01:17:55,212 --> 01:17:56,588 (GASPS) 1391 01:17:57,923 --> 01:17:59,758 They say that you're the best 1392 01:17:59,842 --> 01:18:01,426 You gotta follow all the rest 1393 01:18:01,510 --> 01:18:03,219 This is war 1394 01:18:03,971 --> 01:18:06,056 Yeah, yeah, yeah 1395 01:18:06,432 --> 01:18:08,183 Record, record, record. 1396 01:18:08,517 --> 01:18:10,435 This is war 1397 01:18:11,187 --> 01:18:12,854 Yeah, yeah, yeah 1398 01:18:12,938 --> 01:18:14,856 This is war 1399 01:18:14,940 --> 01:18:17,400 I can't be your friend 1400 01:18:17,485 --> 01:18:19,903 'Cause I gotta knock you out 1401 01:18:21,530 --> 01:18:23,448 (PANTlNG) 1402 01:18:24,116 --> 01:18:25,825 (WOMAN COUGHlNG) 1403 01:18:36,003 --> 01:18:37,670 l'm in the ladies'? 1404 01:18:55,356 --> 01:18:56,731 (SCREAMS) 1405 01:18:56,816 --> 01:19:00,402 WOMAN: Peeping Tom ! There's a Peeping Tom in there! 1406 01:19:00,486 --> 01:19:04,280 Peeping Tom ! There's a Peeping Tom in there! 1407 01:19:04,365 --> 01:19:06,282 Let's get him ! 1408 01:19:06,367 --> 01:19:11,746 What do you think you are doing in there? We'll come in and get you ! 1409 01:19:11,831 --> 01:19:13,373 Take that, you Peeping Tom ! 1410 01:19:13,457 --> 01:19:14,958 WOMAN 1 : Let's get him ! 1411 01:19:15,042 --> 01:19:17,168 WOMAN 2: Get out of here! 1412 01:19:17,294 --> 01:19:19,379 WOMAN 3: Stop that pervert! 1413 01:19:19,463 --> 01:19:22,090 WOMAN 4: The little whippersnapper! 1414 01:19:22,174 --> 01:19:24,968 l've got him ! l've got him ! 1415 01:19:25,052 --> 01:19:26,553 WOMAN 5: Shame on you ! 1416 01:19:26,637 --> 01:19:28,680 WOMAN 6: l've got him in a headlock! 1417 01:19:30,182 --> 01:19:32,892 l'm not the Peeping Tom ! 1418 01:19:32,977 --> 01:19:33,977 WOMAN 1 : Where'd he go? 1419 01:19:35,146 --> 01:19:36,438 (PANTlNG) 1420 01:19:36,522 --> 01:19:37,939 (EXCLAlMS lN DlSGUST) 1421 01:19:38,774 --> 01:19:40,650 Did he just come out of the ladies' room? 1422 01:19:45,072 --> 01:19:46,531 (SlGHS lN RELlEF) 1423 01:19:48,159 --> 01:19:49,617 RODRlCK: Hey, Greg ! 1424 01:19:50,661 --> 01:19:52,495 What's new? Huh? 1425 01:19:55,374 --> 01:19:57,667 GREG: Well, my life is officially over. 1426 01:19:57,751 --> 01:19:59,502 Now that Rodrick has that tape of me 1427 01:19:59,587 --> 01:20:01,463 running around in my underwear, 1428 01:20:01,547 --> 01:20:03,465 he basically owns me. 1429 01:20:03,841 --> 01:20:04,883 (GREG GROANlNG) 1430 01:20:05,509 --> 01:20:07,385 The day of the talent show came around 1431 01:20:07,470 --> 01:20:09,929 and Mom and Dad made us both go. 1432 01:20:10,014 --> 01:20:13,391 Something about supporting the community, or whatever. 1433 01:20:13,476 --> 01:20:15,101 ROWLEY: Scotty! 1434 01:20:16,228 --> 01:20:17,645 Come on ! 1435 01:20:18,606 --> 01:20:20,148 Scotty! Come on ! 1436 01:20:20,232 --> 01:20:22,442 You don't wanna let the magic fans down, do you? 1437 01:20:22,526 --> 01:20:23,651 SCOTTY: Go away! 1438 01:20:23,736 --> 01:20:25,445 Rowley, what's wrong? 1439 01:20:25,529 --> 01:20:27,989 My assistant, Scotty, got stage fright 1440 01:20:28,073 --> 01:20:29,657 and now he doesn't want to do the show. 1441 01:20:29,742 --> 01:20:33,161 Maybe Greg would help out. He can be your assistant. 1442 01:20:33,245 --> 01:20:35,872 What? No way! 1443 01:20:35,956 --> 01:20:38,249 What? Rowley is your best friend. 1444 01:20:38,334 --> 01:20:39,918 This is important to him. You need to do this. 1445 01:20:40,002 --> 01:20:42,086 lt's okay, Mrs. Heffley. 1446 01:20:42,171 --> 01:20:44,881 Greg is just afraid that Holly Hills will think less of him. 1447 01:20:44,965 --> 01:20:46,341 GREG: Rowley. 1448 01:20:46,425 --> 01:20:49,844 Mom, can we talk in private? Sure. 1449 01:20:49,929 --> 01:20:51,596 Scotty, please. 1450 01:20:53,724 --> 01:20:55,975 Look. . . Who's this Holly Hills? 1451 01:20:56,101 --> 01:20:57,185 ls she your girlfriend? No! 1452 01:20:57,269 --> 01:20:59,812 She's just some girl who happens to be a friend 1453 01:20:59,897 --> 01:21:01,856 who l don't want to be humiliated in front of. 1454 01:21:01,941 --> 01:21:04,067 l see your point. 1455 01:21:04,151 --> 01:21:05,360 So is this Holly in your class? 1456 01:21:05,444 --> 01:21:06,528 Mom ! 1457 01:21:06,612 --> 01:21:07,904 Okay. 1458 01:21:08,697 --> 01:21:09,864 Here we go. 1459 01:21:09,949 --> 01:21:12,116 So, are you going to make me do it? 1460 01:21:12,201 --> 01:21:14,744 ROWLEY: Please, Scotty. 1461 01:21:14,828 --> 01:21:17,664 No. No, l get it. l get it. 1462 01:21:19,124 --> 01:21:20,250 Can you at least point her out to me? 1463 01:21:21,335 --> 01:21:23,378 Okay, okay, l'll stop. 1464 01:21:30,511 --> 01:21:33,638 Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, 1465 01:21:33,722 --> 01:21:37,642 welcome to Plainview's Most Talented! 1466 01:21:39,770 --> 01:21:44,399 And without further ado, Ms. Patty Farrell! 1467 01:21:50,656 --> 01:21:52,532 (MEMORY PLAYlNG) 1468 01:21:55,828 --> 01:22:02,417 (SlNGlNG) Memory All alone in the moonlight 1469 01:22:02,501 --> 01:22:06,546 I can smile at the old days 1470 01:22:06,672 --> 01:22:10,550 I was beautiful then 1471 01:22:10,634 --> 01:22:12,093 Wow, she's really good. 1472 01:22:12,177 --> 01:22:15,013 I remember the time 1473 01:22:15,097 --> 01:22:19,767 I knew what happiness was 1474 01:22:19,852 --> 01:22:26,774 Let the memory live again 1475 01:22:27,526 --> 01:22:30,153 Touch me 1476 01:22:30,237 --> 01:22:34,115 It's so easy to leave me 1477 01:22:34,199 --> 01:22:38,077 All alone with the memory 1478 01:22:38,162 --> 01:22:41,873 Of my days in the sun 1479 01:22:42,541 --> 01:22:45,877 If you touch me... 1480 01:22:45,961 --> 01:22:48,421 (WHlSPERS) Greg, she's cute. 1481 01:22:48,505 --> 01:22:49,797 She's super cute. 1482 01:22:49,882 --> 01:22:51,174 Mom ! 1483 01:22:51,717 --> 01:22:56,471 Look, a new day 1484 01:22:56,555 --> 01:23:02,268 Has begun 1485 01:23:03,896 --> 01:23:05,396 (AUDlENCE APPLAUDlNG) 1486 01:23:07,316 --> 01:23:08,733 Oh, thank you ! 1487 01:23:15,949 --> 01:23:18,368 Say hello to the boys and girls, Freggers. 1488 01:23:18,452 --> 01:23:21,663 Hello, boys and girls! l love you. 1489 01:23:21,747 --> 01:23:25,541 And tonight, when you are all fast asleep 1490 01:23:25,626 --> 01:23:31,339 l'm going to crawl through your window and give you all a big hug ! 1491 01:23:33,550 --> 01:23:34,842 (CRYlNG) 1492 01:23:44,770 --> 01:23:48,523 Hey, you could do that. Right? 1493 01:23:48,607 --> 01:23:49,774 Yeah. 1494 01:23:50,567 --> 01:23:51,567 (SlGHS) 1495 01:23:52,027 --> 01:23:53,319 (YANKEE DOODLE DANDY PLAYING) 1496 01:23:53,404 --> 01:23:57,615 A real live nephew of my Uncle Sam 1497 01:23:57,700 --> 01:24:01,285 I was born on the 4th of July 1498 01:24:01,370 --> 01:24:05,456 I've got a Yankee Doodle sweetheart 1499 01:24:05,541 --> 01:24:09,335 She's my Yankee Doodle joy 1500 01:24:09,670 --> 01:24:11,504 Yankee doodle came to... 1501 01:24:13,257 --> 01:24:16,718 You can't go on without me. l started Löded Diper. l'm the backbone! 1502 01:24:16,802 --> 01:24:20,430 Well, we got a new backbone now, dude. (LAUGHS) 1503 01:24:20,514 --> 01:24:22,515 This guy. 1504 01:24:22,599 --> 01:24:25,059 That's rock and roll, bro. 1505 01:24:27,354 --> 01:24:31,482 Did you guys see the audience? Oh, man ! lt's huge. 1506 01:24:36,238 --> 01:24:39,157 This roller-skating kid is really good ! 1507 01:24:39,241 --> 01:24:41,743 Don't you think. . . (BLATHERlNG) 1508 01:24:46,165 --> 01:24:47,331 (SUSAN GASPS) 1509 01:24:47,416 --> 01:24:50,752 Greg ! Where have you been? l've been looking all over for you. 1510 01:24:50,836 --> 01:24:54,130 Mom, you need to let Rodrick play in the talent show tonight. 1511 01:24:54,214 --> 01:24:57,216 Greg, we've been over this. He needs to learn a lesson. 1512 01:24:57,301 --> 01:24:59,927 His band is playing without him, and it's not fair. 1513 01:25:00,012 --> 01:25:01,596 And l'm sure that's very hard on him, 1514 01:25:01,680 --> 01:25:03,681 but l can't go back on the punishment. 1515 01:25:04,975 --> 01:25:06,559 Mom. Yes? 1516 01:25:08,854 --> 01:25:12,106 You let Rodrick play in the talent show, 1517 01:25:13,108 --> 01:25:14,400 l'll. . . 1518 01:25:16,278 --> 01:25:17,945 . . .do the magic thing with Rowley. 1519 01:25:19,782 --> 01:25:23,201 Really? You'd do that? 1520 01:25:25,704 --> 01:25:27,413 You'll be Rowley's partner, even though you said 1521 01:25:27,498 --> 01:25:30,833 it's totally embarrassing and humiliating? 1522 01:25:31,710 --> 01:25:34,545 You're willing to do that just so your brother can play? 1523 01:25:37,925 --> 01:25:39,008 Yes. 1524 01:25:42,888 --> 01:25:44,263 Come here. 1525 01:25:50,062 --> 01:25:53,064 l mean, how bad can it be? 1526 01:25:53,524 --> 01:25:54,732 (ALL EXCLAlMlNG) 1527 01:25:57,110 --> 01:25:58,945 (AUDlENCE MURMURlNG) 1528 01:26:03,826 --> 01:26:05,117 ROWLEY: (WHlSPERS) Scotty was right. 1529 01:26:05,202 --> 01:26:06,619 There's a lot of people out there. 1530 01:26:06,703 --> 01:26:10,665 Just start with your opening trick, like you rehearsed at home. 1531 01:26:10,749 --> 01:26:13,918 Forget about all the people. Go. 1532 01:26:16,922 --> 01:26:18,172 (EXHALES) 1533 01:26:19,800 --> 01:26:22,844 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 1534 01:26:22,928 --> 01:26:28,474 l am the Remarkable Rowley, (TlMlDLY) master of illusion. 1535 01:26:29,768 --> 01:26:35,439 And joining me onstage is my faithful assistant, Scotty. 1536 01:26:35,524 --> 01:26:36,983 Greg ! (SCATTERED LAUGHTER) 1537 01:26:38,026 --> 01:26:39,318 Greg. 1538 01:26:40,195 --> 01:26:44,365 Who looks a little cold. Maybe he needs a scarf. 1539 01:26:46,618 --> 01:26:47,743 (ALL LAUGHlNG) 1540 01:26:54,459 --> 01:26:56,836 Ew! Don't put them on me! They're still wet! 1541 01:26:56,920 --> 01:26:58,462 (ALL LAUGHlNG) 1542 01:27:01,341 --> 01:27:04,135 Sorry, Greg. Here's a peace offering. 1543 01:27:09,558 --> 01:27:10,558 (ALL EXCLAlMlNG) 1544 01:27:10,642 --> 01:27:14,437 Fly. Fly away. Be free, little friend. 1545 01:27:14,521 --> 01:27:15,521 (AUDlENCE GASP) 1546 01:27:16,148 --> 01:27:17,148 Oh. Oh. 1547 01:27:19,651 --> 01:27:21,235 That thing's dead. 1548 01:27:21,320 --> 01:27:23,738 (WHlMPERS) l think l had him in my pocket too long. 1549 01:27:23,822 --> 01:27:24,822 (BOTH GASP) 1550 01:27:25,741 --> 01:27:27,742 No hard feelings? 1551 01:27:29,244 --> 01:27:31,037 (AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG) 1552 01:27:46,511 --> 01:27:48,512 Keep going. We're a hit! 1553 01:27:48,639 --> 01:27:52,934 And now, for my grand finale, 1554 01:27:53,018 --> 01:27:56,145 the saw-the-lady-in-half trick! 1555 01:27:58,649 --> 01:28:00,024 lf you will. 1556 01:28:04,696 --> 01:28:06,530 (WHlSPERS) Push out the feet. (WHlSPERS) Okay. 1557 01:28:08,283 --> 01:28:12,286 No trap doors. No chance of escape. 1558 01:28:13,622 --> 01:28:17,333 l will now miraculously saw Greg in half. 1559 01:28:18,335 --> 01:28:20,544 Wait. Forget it! l want out! 1560 01:28:23,006 --> 01:28:24,131 What are you doing? 1561 01:28:24,216 --> 01:28:25,299 This is the showstopper! 1562 01:28:25,384 --> 01:28:27,218 Good, then stop! 1563 01:28:30,013 --> 01:28:31,681 Ow! Ow! Ow! 1564 01:28:32,891 --> 01:28:36,769 Ladies and gentlemen, the Remarkable Rowley! 1565 01:28:38,355 --> 01:28:40,898 And Greg the Great! 1566 01:28:43,402 --> 01:28:45,528 That should have been me! 1567 01:28:53,662 --> 01:28:55,830 We killed. And l didn't have to die! 1568 01:28:55,914 --> 01:28:58,416 lt was even better than it was in the rehearsals. 1569 01:28:58,500 --> 01:28:59,583 Hi. Can l have your autograph? 1570 01:28:59,668 --> 01:29:00,710 Sure. Sure. 1571 01:29:00,794 --> 01:29:03,421 Your performance was pathetic, Greg Heffley! 1572 01:29:03,505 --> 01:29:06,382 Only a moron would find humor in bird poop! 1573 01:29:07,134 --> 01:29:08,551 (DOVE COOlNG) 1574 01:29:09,803 --> 01:29:11,220 You stupid bird ! 1575 01:29:11,388 --> 01:29:12,930 (GRUNTS ANGRlLY) 1576 01:29:13,432 --> 01:29:17,226 Oh, my gosh. You guys did great. That was really funny. 1577 01:29:17,310 --> 01:29:19,186 The unitard or the performance? 1578 01:29:19,271 --> 01:29:20,479 Both. 1579 01:29:20,564 --> 01:29:22,982 Thank you, thank you ! Thank you. 1580 01:29:23,066 --> 01:29:24,817 Just do your best, honey. 1581 01:29:24,901 --> 01:29:25,985 Oh, um. . . 1582 01:29:26,570 --> 01:29:27,570 (SlGHS) 1583 01:29:27,654 --> 01:29:29,196 Can l borrow your eyeliner? 1584 01:29:30,157 --> 01:29:31,532 Yeah. 1585 01:29:36,455 --> 01:29:38,039 Looks like you guys made up. 1586 01:29:40,167 --> 01:29:41,500 We're brothers. 1587 01:29:41,585 --> 01:29:43,294 Please welcome to the stage 1588 01:29:44,129 --> 01:29:47,923 Löded Diper! Oh, yeah! 1589 01:29:48,008 --> 01:29:50,092 RODRlCK: Mom, go! Get off the stage! 1590 01:29:51,303 --> 01:29:52,803 (ROCK BEAT PLAYlNG) 1591 01:29:52,888 --> 01:29:55,765 BAND MEMBERS: We are Löded Diper! 1592 01:30:00,687 --> 01:30:02,146 (SCREAMlNG) 1593 01:30:05,609 --> 01:30:07,568 (SlNGlNG) You toId us we were losers 1594 01:30:07,652 --> 01:30:10,404 And we can't do nothing right 1595 01:30:10,489 --> 01:30:12,364 You said we'd never make it 1596 01:30:12,449 --> 01:30:17,620 But just look at us tonight 1597 01:30:17,704 --> 01:30:20,539 Exploded Diper 1598 01:30:20,624 --> 01:30:22,416 All over the place! 1599 01:30:22,501 --> 01:30:25,419 Exploded Diper 1600 01:30:25,504 --> 01:30:27,213 In your face 1601 01:30:27,297 --> 01:30:30,174 Exploded Diper 1602 01:30:30,258 --> 01:30:32,176 We can't be stopped 1603 01:30:32,260 --> 01:30:34,512 Exploded Diper 1604 01:30:34,596 --> 01:30:36,931 Your head is gonna pop 1605 01:30:37,015 --> 01:30:39,600 Exploded Diper 1606 01:30:39,684 --> 01:30:42,019 You can't keep us down 1607 01:30:42,104 --> 01:30:44,396 We're gonna hit the fan 1608 01:30:44,481 --> 01:30:46,816 And rock this sleepy town 1609 01:30:46,900 --> 01:30:48,692 (AUDlENCE CHEERlNG) 1610 01:30:52,114 --> 01:30:54,406 BEN: Get up, all you haters! 1611 01:30:54,491 --> 01:30:57,576 Dude, they love us! 1612 01:30:57,661 --> 01:30:59,703 No hard feelings, right, bro? 1613 01:30:59,788 --> 01:31:01,956 Hey, Bill, you know what? 1614 01:31:02,040 --> 01:31:05,126 When we're done tonight, you're out of the band. 1615 01:31:05,210 --> 01:31:06,293 What? 1616 01:31:06,378 --> 01:31:08,712 That's rock and roll, bro. 1617 01:31:08,797 --> 01:31:09,880 BOY 1 : (SlNGlNG) Löded 1618 01:31:09,965 --> 01:31:11,006 BOY 2: (SlNGlNG) Diper 1619 01:31:11,091 --> 01:31:12,258 Löded 1620 01:31:12,342 --> 01:31:13,425 Diper 1621 01:31:13,510 --> 01:31:14,510 Löded 1622 01:31:14,594 --> 01:31:15,636 Diper 1623 01:31:15,720 --> 01:31:17,346 Come here. Look. 1624 01:31:18,056 --> 01:31:19,431 Dad? Are we going to tell them 1625 01:31:19,516 --> 01:31:23,269 that the audience went crazy for Mom's weird dancing? 1626 01:31:24,688 --> 01:31:27,356 He's happy. She's happy. 1627 01:31:27,440 --> 01:31:30,484 l say we keep this one between the two of us, okay? 1628 01:31:30,569 --> 01:31:32,736 Exploded Diper 1629 01:31:32,821 --> 01:31:35,239 It's us, the Diper And yes, we rock 1630 01:31:35,323 --> 01:31:41,954 Exploded Diper 1631 01:31:50,422 --> 01:31:53,257 So, l just wanted to say that 1632 01:31:53,341 --> 01:31:57,094 you getting Mom to let me play last night was really cool. 1633 01:31:57,179 --> 01:31:59,221 Yeah, well, l kind of owed you. 1634 01:32:01,016 --> 01:32:03,184 Oh, and here. 1635 01:32:07,606 --> 01:32:11,192 The tape? You're giving it to me? Hey! 1636 01:32:12,110 --> 01:32:16,322 Don't make a big deal about it or l'll post it on YouTube, okay? 1637 01:32:21,036 --> 01:32:22,244 (BRAKES SCREECH) 1638 01:32:27,167 --> 01:32:28,792 Now get out. 1639 01:32:30,003 --> 01:32:31,170 Doofus. 1640 01:32:32,672 --> 01:32:33,881 Okay. 1641 01:32:34,925 --> 01:32:36,217 Later. 1642 01:32:36,968 --> 01:32:38,469 Butt-brain ! 1643 01:32:52,067 --> 01:32:55,236 You know, l guess having a big brother isn't all that bad. 1644 01:32:55,320 --> 01:32:57,196 Maybe we don't always get along, 1645 01:32:57,280 --> 01:32:59,365 but l know he's gonna be there for me. 1646 01:32:59,449 --> 01:33:03,369 Hey, l just spilled grape juice on the couch and kind of blamed it on you. 1647 01:33:03,453 --> 01:33:04,662 Later. 1648 01:33:04,746 --> 01:33:06,163 (SlGHS) 1649 01:33:09,793 --> 01:33:11,252 l'll get him back. 1650 01:33:12,170 --> 01:33:13,420 Action ! 1651 01:33:28,561 --> 01:33:29,561 (GASPS) 1652 01:33:32,065 --> 01:33:33,524 (GRUNTlNG) 1653 01:33:42,659 --> 01:33:43,659 (GRUNTS) 1654 01:34:09,019 --> 01:34:10,436 (BOTH YELLlNG) 1655 01:34:17,068 --> 01:34:18,360 (WHOOPlNG) 1656 01:34:18,445 --> 01:34:20,154 (AUDlENCE APPLAUDlNG) 1657 01:34:52,354 --> 01:34:55,356 Exploded Diper 1658 01:34:55,440 --> 01:34:57,316 All over the place! 1659 01:34:57,400 --> 01:34:58,692 Exploded Diper 1660 01:34:58,777 --> 01:35:00,778 GREG: Okay, it's uploaded. 1661 01:35:00,862 --> 01:35:01,987 In your face 1662 01:35:02,072 --> 01:35:04,615 Exploded Diper 1663 01:35:04,699 --> 01:35:05,949 ROWLEY: Holy cow. 1664 01:35:07,494 --> 01:35:09,870 This is huge! We're an lnternet sensation ! 1665 01:35:09,954 --> 01:35:12,998 RODRlCK: Greg ! You are so dead ! 1666 01:35:13,333 --> 01:35:16,210 Exploded Diper 1667 01:39:31,215 --> 01:39:32,215 English - US - PSDH