1
00:00:31,918 --> 00:00:35,684
Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
2
00:00:38,958 --> 00:00:41,449
Billy Boy!
Get your ass ready!
3
00:00:41,527 --> 00:00:44,394
It's almost 5:00, and this bad boy
needs to get his drink on.
4
00:00:44,464 --> 00:00:46,557
- No, no, no. Give me that.
- Don't.
5
00:00:46,632 --> 00:00:48,862
- I'm gonna burn it once and for all.
- Stop that.
6
00:00:48,935 --> 00:00:51,563
Dude, it's been six months.
It's time to move on, okay?
7
00:00:51,637 --> 00:00:53,798
Whatever. Even if
I wanted to meet other women,
8
00:00:53,873 --> 00:00:55,170
I wouldn't even know what to do.
9
00:00:55,241 --> 00:00:57,141
I've been out of the game
for so long.
10
00:00:57,210 --> 00:01:00,202
Dude, you come out with me tonight,
I promise you will get laid.
11
00:01:00,279 --> 00:01:02,338
Yeah, it sounds very tempting,
12
00:01:02,415 --> 00:01:04,212
but Berenson needs me to update
these financial models
13
00:01:04,283 --> 00:01:05,944
for the meeting
with the foreign investors.
14
00:01:06,018 --> 00:01:07,485
So what?
It's Friday night.
15
00:01:07,553 --> 00:01:09,282
The Germans are taking
an early flight back.
16
00:01:09,355 --> 00:01:10,947
The meeting got changed
to tomorrow.
17
00:01:11,023 --> 00:01:12,854
So? Why don't you
just get somebody else
18
00:01:12,925 --> 00:01:14,483
to do your work for you?
19
00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:15,788
Who?
20
00:01:15,862 --> 00:01:19,889
Harold, I need you to update
those models for me.
21
00:01:19,966 --> 00:01:22,594
- Billy, aren't you supposed to...
- I know. Something just came up.
22
00:01:22,668 --> 00:01:24,761
I have this meeting
with these new clients tonight,
23
00:01:24,837 --> 00:01:27,635
and I'm never gonna have time
to get to those.
24
00:01:27,707 --> 00:01:30,267
So that's your
responsibility now, big boy.
25
00:01:30,343 --> 00:01:33,107
Make sure those are in
by 9:00 sharp tomorrow.
26
00:01:33,179 --> 00:01:35,477
With all the downsizing
that's been going on around here,
27
00:01:35,548 --> 00:01:38,676
we wouldn't want to have to tell Berenson
you've been slacking, now would we?
28
00:01:45,558 --> 00:01:47,082
Yeah.
29
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,060
Okay, no problem.
30
00:01:49,128 --> 00:01:50,493
Hey.
31
00:01:50,563 --> 00:01:52,895
You have a great weekend,
okay, buddy?
32
00:01:52,965 --> 00:01:55,593
I owe you one.
Just one.
33
00:01:56,102 --> 00:01:57,091
Thank you.
34
00:02:05,478 --> 00:02:09,005
Wow! That was amazing.
I cannot believe how easy that was.
35
00:02:09,081 --> 00:02:11,242
Dude, how do you think
I get all my shit done?
36
00:02:11,317 --> 00:02:13,478
I'm telling you, those Asian guys
love crunching numbers.
37
00:02:13,553 --> 00:02:15,544
You probably
just made his weekend.
38
00:02:17,456 --> 00:02:18,855
Chick magnet
39
00:02:18,925 --> 00:02:21,587
Chick magnet. Chick magnet
40
00:02:21,661 --> 00:02:23,993
Chick magnet. Yeah
41
00:02:24,063 --> 00:02:25,360
Fuck.
42
00:02:26,232 --> 00:02:27,961
An excellent point, Mr. Patel.
43
00:02:28,034 --> 00:02:30,559
You are one of the finest applicants
I have ever interviewed.
44
00:02:30,636 --> 00:02:31,830
Thank you.
45
00:02:31,904 --> 00:02:35,931
It comes as no surprise. Your father
is highly respected in his field.
46
00:02:36,008 --> 00:02:37,669
As you probably heard
from your old man,
47
00:02:37,743 --> 00:02:40,871
he and I had some pretty wild times
back in med school.
48
00:02:40,947 --> 00:02:42,107
Really?
49
00:02:42,181 --> 00:02:45,207
Yeah. We started
our own basketball team...
50
00:02:45,284 --> 00:02:47,218
the Hemoglobin Trotters.
51
00:02:47,753 --> 00:02:50,313
Hemo-globin Trotters...
get it?
52
00:02:50,389 --> 00:02:55,759
A play on the name of the famous
colored, Negro basketball squad...
53
00:02:55,828 --> 00:02:58,058
black, African-American.
54
00:02:58,130 --> 00:03:00,860
You know, people of colors.
55
00:03:00,933 --> 00:03:04,528
Let's end up with one final question,
just as a formality.
56
00:03:04,604 --> 00:03:08,540
What are some potential
symptoms of pancreatitis?
57
00:03:08,608 --> 00:03:11,600
Well, you would have
epigastric tenderness,
58
00:03:11,677 --> 00:03:13,508
diffuse abdominal tenderness...
59
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,544
I'm sorry.
Can you hold on one second?
60
00:03:18,484 --> 00:03:20,076
Kumar's phone.
Kumar speaking.
61
00:03:20,152 --> 00:03:21,915
Hey, what's up? It's me.
What are you doing?
62
00:03:21,988 --> 00:03:24,081
Nothing important. I can talk.
What's going on?
63
00:03:24,156 --> 00:03:28,422
Listen, I can't party tonight, okay?
I gotta stay late at the office.
64
00:03:28,494 --> 00:03:30,428
Dude, fuck that shit.
We had plans.
65
00:03:30,496 --> 00:03:32,521
I know, but I got
a lot of work to do.
66
00:03:32,598 --> 00:03:35,999
When has getting high ever
prevented you from doing your work?
67
00:03:36,068 --> 00:03:37,057
Jesus!
68
00:03:38,471 --> 00:03:40,735
Believe me.
I would love to come home. Okay?
69
00:03:40,806 --> 00:03:42,569
- I got a lot of work to do.
- Thank you. I'll do that.
70
00:03:42,642 --> 00:03:44,735
I got a quarter of the
finest herb in New York City.
71
00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:46,505
I'm not smoking
that shit alone, okay?
72
00:03:46,579 --> 00:03:49,309
So you need to just chill the fuck out
and prepare to get blazed
73
00:03:49,382 --> 00:03:50,974
because in the next couple of hours,
74
00:03:51,050 --> 00:03:53,177
I expect both of us to be
blitzed out of our skulls, got it?
75
00:03:53,252 --> 00:03:54,446
All right, I got it.
76
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,954
I'll talk to you later.
Where was I?
77
00:03:57,023 --> 00:04:00,390
We've got the severe anal discharge,
sometimes violent... a.k.a. Diarrhea.
78
00:04:00,459 --> 00:04:03,292
Mr. Patel, I am more than familiar
with diarrhea.
79
00:04:03,362 --> 00:04:06,229
Do you actually believe
after the way you've just behaved
80
00:04:06,299 --> 00:04:09,029
that I would ever even consider
recommending you for admission?
81
00:04:09,101 --> 00:04:10,966
No. I'm gonna
be honest with you.
82
00:04:11,037 --> 00:04:12,026
The only reason I'm applying
83
00:04:12,104 --> 00:04:13,401
is so my dad
will keep paying for my apartment.
84
00:04:13,472 --> 00:04:15,133
I really don't have a desire
to go to med school.
85
00:04:15,207 --> 00:04:17,767
But you have perfect MCAT scores.
86
00:04:17,843 --> 00:04:19,811
Yeah. Just 'cause you're
hung like a moose
87
00:04:19,879 --> 00:04:21,574
doesn't mean you gotta do porn.
88
00:04:22,114 --> 00:04:24,139
Get out! Bernadette,
show this young man to the door!
89
00:04:24,216 --> 00:04:27,777
And please bring in
some fresh diarrhe... dry towels!
90
00:05:03,422 --> 00:05:04,684
Yes!
91
00:05:04,757 --> 00:05:06,987
Right in front of the door.
92
00:05:10,262 --> 00:05:12,196
This is America, dude!
Learn how to drive!
93
00:05:12,264 --> 00:05:13,629
Better "ruck" tomorrow!
94
00:05:15,868 --> 00:05:18,701
- Extreme!
- Fucking assholes.
95
00:05:20,206 --> 00:05:21,434
Fuck.
96
00:06:00,446 --> 00:06:01,879
Okay.
97
00:06:02,982 --> 00:06:06,474
Be yourself.
Don't be nervous.
98
00:06:25,171 --> 00:06:27,833
So, Maria, what's been goin' on?
99
00:06:27,907 --> 00:06:31,866
I actually had a very long week
at work. How about you?
100
00:06:31,944 --> 00:06:34,276
Work was good.
I caught up on some sleep.
101
00:06:34,346 --> 00:06:36,974
Plus, the guy who works next to me
decided to bathe for a change.
102
00:06:37,049 --> 00:06:38,346
Really?
103
00:06:38,417 --> 00:06:40,282
So what are you up to tonight?
104
00:06:40,352 --> 00:06:42,616
Actually, I'm just gonna
be sitting on my ass,
105
00:06:42,688 --> 00:06:44,349
probably eat a whole pint
of Haagen-Dazs
106
00:06:44,423 --> 00:06:45,617
while I watch Blind Date.
107
00:06:45,691 --> 00:06:48,319
Well, that sounds awful.
108
00:06:50,396 --> 00:06:51,863
If you want some company,
109
00:06:51,931 --> 00:06:54,764
maybe you can come over
and sit on your ass at my place.
110
00:06:55,968 --> 00:06:57,435
That sounds nice.
111
00:07:44,149 --> 00:07:45,514
Bye.
112
00:07:47,453 --> 00:07:49,478
Bye. Bye.
113
00:08:05,137 --> 00:08:06,331
Kumar.
114
00:08:06,405 --> 00:08:07,702
Yo.
115
00:08:14,013 --> 00:08:15,503
Yo, Kumar.
116
00:08:17,049 --> 00:08:18,641
Yo, I'm in here, dude.
117
00:08:26,358 --> 00:08:28,019
Hey! What the hell are you doing?
118
00:08:28,093 --> 00:08:30,357
I'm trimming my pubes.
119
00:08:30,429 --> 00:08:32,727
Why aren't you
doing this in your room, man?
120
00:08:32,798 --> 00:08:35,289
The mirror's in here.
Hey, check it out. It's like a bonsai tree.
121
00:08:35,367 --> 00:08:36,356
Hey!
122
00:08:36,435 --> 00:08:38,733
Besides, man, it makes
your johnson look totally bigger.
123
00:08:38,804 --> 00:08:40,533
Please!
124
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:45,103
Are those my scissors?
Dude, I trim my nose hair with those!
125
00:08:45,177 --> 00:08:48,271
Dude, I've been cutting my ass hair
with them for the past six months.
126
00:08:51,617 --> 00:08:54,211
Get out!
Get out of my room.
127
00:09:03,429 --> 00:09:05,124
Kumar. It's Daddy.
128
00:09:05,197 --> 00:09:07,256
I hope your interview
today was good.
129
00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:09,767
I'm calling to remind you
that you have another one tomorrow
130
00:09:09,835 --> 00:09:13,293
with Dr. Wein from Cornell
at 10 a.m. Do not be late.
131
00:09:13,372 --> 00:09:15,567
- Hook it up, bi-yatch.
- Let's do it.
132
00:09:24,316 --> 00:09:25,749
Fuck!
133
00:09:29,455 --> 00:09:32,481
In tonight's top story.
A cheetah escaped earlier today
134
00:09:32,558 --> 00:09:34,321
from the Morristown Zoo.
135
00:09:34,393 --> 00:09:38,295
Oh, nice.
Sixteen Candles is on, man.
136
00:09:38,364 --> 00:09:40,764
And the award for the least
heterosexual statement
137
00:09:40,833 --> 00:09:44,234
ever made in this apartment
goes to... Harold Lee.
138
00:09:44,303 --> 00:09:46,771
Come on down, man.
Take a bow.
139
00:09:46,839 --> 00:09:48,807
Shut up, man.
It's a classic.
140
00:09:48,874 --> 00:09:50,899
It's a very beautiful story
about someone
141
00:09:50,976 --> 00:09:54,241
who feels unnoticed,
unappreciated, unloved, you know?
142
00:09:54,313 --> 00:09:56,178
- Turn it.
- It's a good one, though.
143
00:09:56,248 --> 00:09:57,272
Homo.
144
00:09:57,349 --> 00:09:59,613
Come on. Dude.
Just take one hit.
145
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:02,685
Don't you wanna be cool?
146
00:10:08,093 --> 00:10:10,288
Hey. Man.
What are you doin'?
147
00:10:10,362 --> 00:10:12,421
I'm so high!
148
00:10:13,599 --> 00:10:14,998
Nothing can hurt me.
149
00:10:16,368 --> 00:10:18,199
No!
150
00:10:18,270 --> 00:10:21,296
- Marijuana kills.
- I love that shit.
151
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,699
We're so high right now.
152
00:10:23,776 --> 00:10:25,141
We're not low.
153
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:28,611
Dude, I don't know about you,
but I'm fuckin' hungry as balls.
154
00:10:28,681 --> 00:10:30,239
No shit, dude.
Let's eat.
155
00:10:30,315 --> 00:10:32,806
No, I don't feel
like delivery tonight.
156
00:10:32,885 --> 00:10:36,013
- What about KFC?
- We've been there too many times.
157
00:10:36,088 --> 00:10:38,784
I want something
we haven't had in a while.
158
00:10:39,358 --> 00:10:42,759
Something different,
something that'll really hit the spot.
159
00:10:43,796 --> 00:10:45,821
I want the perfect food.
160
00:10:45,898 --> 00:10:48,662
Are you hungry?
161
00:10:48,734 --> 00:10:52,295
Then come to White Castle
and try our Slyder Special...
162
00:10:53,672 --> 00:10:57,938
Six burgers. Fries.
And a soft drink for only $2.99.
163
00:10:59,144 --> 00:11:03,240
Imagine all those burgers
in your stomach right now.
164
00:11:07,052 --> 00:11:10,317
Don't you like food
that's tasty and delicious?
165
00:11:10,389 --> 00:11:11,447
I do.
166
00:11:11,523 --> 00:11:13,491
Then what are you waiting for?
167
00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:16,653
Head over to White Castle.
It's what you crave.
168
00:11:18,297 --> 00:11:20,390
You sure you know
how to get there?
169
00:11:20,466 --> 00:11:22,491
I haven't been
to White Castle in ages.
170
00:11:22,568 --> 00:11:25,128
Dude, I'm telling you, there's one right by
that multiplex in New Brunswick.
171
00:11:25,204 --> 00:11:26,193
Nice.
172
00:11:26,271 --> 00:11:27,761
- Rosenberg!
- Goldstein!
173
00:11:28,407 --> 00:11:32,468
Yo, Manny and Shevitz, get up.
We're going to White Castle.
174
00:11:32,544 --> 00:11:35,342
No, we're watching
The Gift on HBO.
175
00:11:35,414 --> 00:11:37,177
No, no, no.
No watching. We're starving.
176
00:11:37,783 --> 00:11:39,478
Hey, put that back.
177
00:11:39,551 --> 00:11:41,815
No eating until we get
to White Castle. Let's roll.
178
00:11:41,887 --> 00:11:43,616
Sorry, kids,
we ain't going nowhere.
179
00:11:43,689 --> 00:11:45,919
Supposedly Katie Holmes
shows her titties in this movie.
180
00:11:45,991 --> 00:11:48,186
Is that all you Jews
ever think about... tits?
181
00:11:48,260 --> 00:11:51,661
Katie Holmes is a nice,
respectable, wholesome girl.
182
00:11:51,730 --> 00:11:54,563
And I'm gonna see her boobs.
183
00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:57,602
The things I would eat
out of her ass... you have no idea!
184
00:11:58,437 --> 00:12:00,200
That is
a completely vulgar statement.
185
00:12:00,272 --> 00:12:03,207
So is "I want to bang Britney Spears
on the bathroom floor."
186
00:12:03,275 --> 00:12:05,038
But it's true.
187
00:12:05,110 --> 00:12:06,099
Touche.
188
00:12:06,178 --> 00:12:07,406
Hey, listen, if...
189
00:12:10,716 --> 00:12:12,513
I think Kumar's a faygele.
190
00:12:12,584 --> 00:12:14,711
They're totally gay for each other.
191
00:12:14,787 --> 00:12:17,153
- Hey, you wanna suck on this?
- Uh-huh.
192
00:12:18,957 --> 00:12:20,049
What the hell are you
bringing your bag for?
193
00:12:20,125 --> 00:12:22,184
Try to get some work done
in the car.
194
00:12:22,261 --> 00:12:24,661
- Here, you're driving.
- Shit, I forgot my cell phone.
195
00:12:24,730 --> 00:12:26,857
You wanna run back and get it?
196
00:12:32,471 --> 00:12:34,564
No, we've gone too far.
197
00:12:35,474 --> 00:12:37,408
Hey, there's your girlfriend.
198
00:12:37,476 --> 00:12:38,966
You gonna talk to her this time,
199
00:12:39,044 --> 00:12:41,239
or are you gonna be
a Vagina McGinastein about it?
200
00:12:42,881 --> 00:12:44,143
What the hell are you doing?
201
00:12:44,216 --> 00:12:45,581
You could've asked her if she wanted
to come to White Castle with us.
202
00:12:45,651 --> 00:12:47,983
- Hold the elevator. Wait!
- Hey, how are...
203
00:12:49,721 --> 00:12:51,313
You're worthless.
204
00:12:52,024 --> 00:12:53,616
I'm not worthwhile.
205
00:12:53,692 --> 00:12:56,217
Just fucking talk to her once.
It won't be weird anymore.
206
00:12:56,295 --> 00:12:57,694
Look, it doesn't matter.
207
00:12:57,763 --> 00:13:00,561
The only girls who are interested in me
are girls I have no interest in.
208
00:13:00,632 --> 00:13:01,826
Like Cindy Kim.
209
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:03,492
Speaking of Cindy,
she called earlier.
210
00:13:03,569 --> 00:13:06,231
One of those Asian clubs she's in
is throwing a party at her dorm tonight.
211
00:13:06,305 --> 00:13:08,364
God, she invites me to everything.
212
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,603
So what? She's kind of fuckin' cute.
Let her touch your penis.
213
00:13:12,244 --> 00:13:13,609
Oh, look.
214
00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:15,738
It's the Brothers McFag.
215
00:13:15,814 --> 00:13:18,442
Let me guess... the one
with the purse is the catcher.
216
00:13:19,785 --> 00:13:22,413
Come on, guys, let's get ourselves
some fucking Mountain Dew.
217
00:13:22,487 --> 00:13:23,476
Extreme!
218
00:13:23,555 --> 00:13:25,648
Yeah, extreme assholes.
219
00:13:25,724 --> 00:13:27,316
Why do I
have to be the catcher?
220
00:13:27,392 --> 00:13:29,860
Dude, forget about those pricks.
Let's just get some food.
221
00:13:34,566 --> 00:13:37,660
I am so hungry. I'm gonna eat,
like, 20 of those burgers, man.
222
00:13:37,736 --> 00:13:42,366
Dude, fuckin' I will see your 20 burgers
and raise you 5 orders of fries.
223
00:13:44,576 --> 00:13:45,838
Dude, give me 35 cents.
224
00:13:52,851 --> 00:13:54,546
What's going on?
It didn't register.
225
00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:56,850
- What?
- Give me 35 more cents.
226
00:13:56,922 --> 00:14:00,153
- I don't have any more change.
- Should I just go through?
227
00:14:00,225 --> 00:14:02,716
No, no, I don't like
breaking the law.
228
00:14:02,794 --> 00:14:04,318
Yeah, I can see that.
229
00:14:05,530 --> 00:14:07,998
Hey, move your ass!
230
00:14:08,066 --> 00:14:10,193
- I'm sorry. Hold on.
- I'm going through.
231
00:14:10,269 --> 00:14:11,964
No, don't.
No. No. Hold on.
232
00:14:12,037 --> 00:14:14,904
Let me walk to a manned tollbooth
and I'll tell them what happened.
233
00:14:14,973 --> 00:14:17,908
- Sorry!
- Move, you fuckin' twat!
234
00:14:17,976 --> 00:14:19,944
- What's the fuckin' holdup here?
- Shit.
235
00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:24,910
Move, you retarded cocksucker!
Move!
236
00:14:25,717 --> 00:14:27,947
- Are you crazy?
- What?
237
00:14:29,421 --> 00:14:30,786
What are you doing?
Why you throwing the weed out?!
238
00:14:30,856 --> 00:14:33,086
- The cops are gonna catch us.
- No, they're not. Not for that.
239
00:14:33,158 --> 00:14:34,216
- Take this exit.
- What?
240
00:14:34,293 --> 00:14:35,453
- Take this exit!
- No!
241
00:14:35,527 --> 00:14:36,892
Dude!
242
00:14:36,962 --> 00:14:38,725
You know,
that was the last of our weed.
243
00:14:38,797 --> 00:14:41,288
Sorry. I get a little
paranoid sometimes.
244
00:14:41,366 --> 00:14:43,095
Now we're in Newark,
of all places.
245
00:14:43,168 --> 00:14:45,033
You know we're
gonna get shot.
246
00:14:45,103 --> 00:14:48,698
Maybe it's not as bad as they say.
Maybe it's just a bunch of hype.
247
00:14:48,774 --> 00:14:51,572
Check it out. Those guys
look like a lame version of us.
248
00:14:57,082 --> 00:14:58,276
- Holy shit!
- Holy shit!
249
00:15:03,822 --> 00:15:05,813
Let's get the fuck outta here.
250
00:15:07,092 --> 00:15:10,118
- Go! Go! Drive! Drive!
- Yeah, that was your fault.
251
00:15:10,195 --> 00:15:11,719
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you.
252
00:15:14,733 --> 00:15:16,098
Yo, check it out.
We're almost there.
253
00:15:16,168 --> 00:15:17,692
Thank God. I'm starving.
254
00:15:17,769 --> 00:15:21,762
- Hello, New Brunswick!
- Prepare to gorge yourself.
255
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:24,172
You know...
We need some tunage for this.
256
00:15:24,242 --> 00:15:25,800
Presets. Use the presets.
257
00:15:25,877 --> 00:15:27,742
Oh, come on, dude,
your whole life is preset.
258
00:15:27,813 --> 00:15:29,178
Try something new.
259
00:15:31,049 --> 00:15:33,813
Where is this place? Isn't it
supposed to be right around here?
260
00:15:33,885 --> 00:15:36,410
- Chill. We'll find it.
- Wait a second... is that the multiplex?
261
00:15:36,488 --> 00:15:38,046
- Yes.
- Sweet!
262
00:15:38,123 --> 00:15:40,717
That means the White Castle
should be right around the corner.
263
00:15:42,461 --> 00:15:43,826
What the hell
is going on, Kumar?
264
00:15:43,895 --> 00:15:45,658
That does not look
like a White Castle to me.
265
00:15:45,731 --> 00:15:48,256
Uh-uh.
Dude, we gotta check this out.
266
00:15:53,038 --> 00:15:56,405
Hey, look here, fellas. You guys gonna
have to order from the drive-thru menu.
267
00:15:56,475 --> 00:15:58,500
What happened to the White Castle?
268
00:15:58,577 --> 00:15:59,566
What?
269
00:15:59,644 --> 00:16:01,544
There used to be a White Castle
right here in this location.
270
00:16:01,613 --> 00:16:02,602
Where is it?
271
00:16:02,681 --> 00:16:04,615
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news, guys,
272
00:16:04,683 --> 00:16:07,083
but Burger Shack, they bought
this location about four years ago.
273
00:16:07,152 --> 00:16:08,141
God!
274
00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:09,983
Please tell me there's
another White Castle in town.
275
00:16:10,055 --> 00:16:11,613
- No.
- Are you sure?
276
00:16:11,690 --> 00:16:12,714
Do I look like the kind of brother
277
00:16:12,791 --> 00:16:14,349
that would be unsure
about something like that?
278
00:16:14,426 --> 00:16:16,792
Shit!
What are we gonna do?
279
00:16:16,862 --> 00:16:19,422
I don't know, man.
Should we just eat here?
280
00:16:19,498 --> 00:16:20,487
Hey. Psst.
281
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,658
There's a White Castle that's
open 24 hours up in Cherry Hill.
282
00:16:25,737 --> 00:16:27,136
It's about
45 minutes from here.
283
00:16:27,205 --> 00:16:28,968
I can make the trip
if you're willing to.
284
00:16:29,041 --> 00:16:30,770
Kumar, I got a shitload
of work to finish.
285
00:16:30,842 --> 00:16:32,332
You got that
med school interview.
286
00:16:32,411 --> 00:16:34,709
Forget about the med school
interview. It's a non-issue.
287
00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:36,270
What do you mean
it's a non-issue?
288
00:16:36,348 --> 00:16:39,511
Ding-dong!
May I interject for a second?
289
00:16:39,584 --> 00:16:42,678
As a Burger Shack employee
for the past three years,
290
00:16:42,754 --> 00:16:45,746
if there's one thing I've learned,
it's that if you're craving White Castle,
291
00:16:45,824 --> 00:16:47,485
the burgers here
just don't cut it.
292
00:16:48,460 --> 00:16:54,194
In fact, just thinking about those
tender little White Castle burgers
293
00:16:54,266 --> 00:16:56,234
with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions
294
00:16:56,301 --> 00:16:58,531
that just explode
in your mouth like flavor crystals
295
00:16:58,603 --> 00:17:00,093
every time you bite into one...
296
00:17:02,707 --> 00:17:05,335
...just makes me want
to burn this motherfucker down.
297
00:17:06,445 --> 00:17:09,573
Come on, Pookie,
let's burn this motherfucker down!
298
00:17:09,648 --> 00:17:12,048
Come on, Pookie!
Let's burn it, Pookie!
299
00:17:12,117 --> 00:17:14,085
Let's burn this
motherfucker down!
300
00:17:14,152 --> 00:17:16,746
Let's burn it down!
Let's burn it!
301
00:17:19,357 --> 00:17:23,521
So you guys maybe should just
suck it up and go to White Castle.
302
00:17:24,896 --> 00:17:28,195
You can always get
your work done in the car.
303
00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:30,530
- Let's do it.
- All right. Awesome.
304
00:17:30,602 --> 00:17:33,765
Then listen, listen... no matter what,
we are not ending this night
305
00:17:33,839 --> 00:17:35,306
without White Castle
in our stomachs.
306
00:17:35,373 --> 00:17:36,567
- Agreed?
- Agreed.
307
00:17:37,042 --> 00:17:38,270
Wise choice.
308
00:17:38,343 --> 00:17:40,402
You guys might have
wanted to stay away
309
00:17:40,479 --> 00:17:42,845
from our special sauce tonight.
310
00:17:42,914 --> 00:17:45,542
Me and Pookie,
we added a secret ingredient.
311
00:17:47,819 --> 00:17:49,810
I'll give you a hint.
312
00:17:51,857 --> 00:17:52,949
It's semen.
313
00:17:56,628 --> 00:17:57,720
Semen.
314
00:17:57,796 --> 00:17:59,127
Animal semen.
315
00:18:08,106 --> 00:18:11,405
Dude, remember when Goldstein
used to work at that burger place?
316
00:18:14,546 --> 00:18:16,980
This is the most fucking confusing
movie I've ever seen...
317
00:18:17,048 --> 00:18:18,640
she's possessed,
she's not possessed.
318
00:18:18,717 --> 00:18:20,480
Dude, that rack better be stacked.
319
00:18:20,552 --> 00:18:22,816
- Tits! Tits!
- Boobies, boobies, boobies.
320
00:18:22,888 --> 00:18:25,083
Holy shit! Whoa!
321
00:18:25,157 --> 00:18:26,454
Those aren't real.
Yes, they are.
322
00:18:26,791 --> 00:18:29,282
You know, I'm almost
completely sober right now.
323
00:18:29,361 --> 00:18:31,386
I wish we had some more weed.
324
00:18:31,463 --> 00:18:33,055
Sorry.
325
00:18:33,131 --> 00:18:35,429
Princeton.
326
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:37,400
- We're getting off here.
- Why?
327
00:18:37,469 --> 00:18:40,165
Because we're gonna sweet-talk
Cindy Kim into finding us some weed.
328
00:18:40,238 --> 00:18:41,227
- No.
- Why not?
329
00:18:41,306 --> 00:18:42,864
You talk to her on the phone
all the time.
330
00:18:42,941 --> 00:18:44,499
She calls me.
Then she rambles on
331
00:18:44,576 --> 00:18:47,374
about her East Asian
Students Club or whatever.
332
00:18:47,445 --> 00:18:48,776
Then I have to actually pretend
that I give a shit
333
00:18:48,847 --> 00:18:50,178
or else she calls me a Twinkie.
334
00:18:50,248 --> 00:18:51,442
A what?
335
00:18:51,516 --> 00:18:54,178
Twinkie... yellow on the outside,
white on the inside.
336
00:18:54,753 --> 00:18:56,015
Look, you Twinkie bitch,
337
00:18:56,087 --> 00:18:58,248
you were the one that threw
our weed out the window, okay?
338
00:18:58,323 --> 00:18:59,347
So we're going to Princeton,
339
00:18:59,424 --> 00:19:00,982
and it's your responsibility
to make sure we're high as shit
340
00:19:01,059 --> 00:19:02,822
by the time
we're eating those burgers.
341
00:19:02,894 --> 00:19:05,692
Forget it.
End of discussion.
342
00:19:05,764 --> 00:19:08,358
I am not seeing Cindy Kim.
343
00:19:08,433 --> 00:19:10,196
Harold, I'm so glad
you showed up.
344
00:19:10,268 --> 00:19:12,532
Yeah, me too.
345
00:19:12,604 --> 00:19:15,767
Did you like the hibiscus petals
I glued to the envelope I sent you?
346
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,468
Yeah, they were nice.
347
00:19:20,045 --> 00:19:22,172
Hey, dude, you know
where I can get some green?
348
00:19:25,016 --> 00:19:27,678
Dude, you know where
I can get some chronic?
349
00:19:27,752 --> 00:19:30,186
Jesus, what the hell kind of
lvy League school is this?
350
00:19:30,255 --> 00:19:31,586
Man.
351
00:19:31,656 --> 00:19:32,918
Over here, man.
352
00:19:34,059 --> 00:19:35,390
You lookin' to toke up?
353
00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:36,825
- Yes.
- Yes?
354
00:19:36,895 --> 00:19:39,591
Thank Christ. Just give me
a dime of your finest sticky.
355
00:19:39,664 --> 00:19:43,065
You wanna see
sticky-icky, my friend?
356
00:19:44,736 --> 00:19:45,828
Oh, my God!
357
00:19:45,904 --> 00:19:47,496
Whoa, man!
358
00:19:47,572 --> 00:19:49,506
Don't touch, man.
That's not cool.
359
00:19:49,574 --> 00:19:51,235
You can't...
360
00:19:51,309 --> 00:19:53,368
Jeez! This is my baby!
361
00:20:00,085 --> 00:20:01,074
Yes?
362
00:20:01,152 --> 00:20:03,143
Kenneth Park,
class of 2004.
363
00:20:03,221 --> 00:20:04,210
- Hi.
- Hi.
364
00:20:04,289 --> 00:20:06,814
Is it true you're an analyst
for Brewster Keegan?
365
00:20:08,293 --> 00:20:09,692
Yes, I'm a junior analyst.
366
00:20:09,761 --> 00:20:11,228
Awesome!
367
00:20:13,231 --> 00:20:14,755
I told you, he's good.
368
00:20:18,903 --> 00:20:21,667
- Yes.
- This is actually a two-part question.
369
00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:24,072
I'm applying for a summer
internship at Brewster Keegan.
370
00:20:24,142 --> 00:20:27,441
I was wondering, a) what's it like
being an investment banker,
371
00:20:27,512 --> 00:20:30,140
and b) would you write me
a recommendation?
372
00:20:32,317 --> 00:20:34,581
Here. That's sixt... 80 bucks.
373
00:20:34,653 --> 00:20:36,052
- 80 bucks?
- Yeah, 80 bucks.
374
00:20:36,121 --> 00:20:38,589
Yo, this is worth 40 tops, bro.
375
00:20:38,657 --> 00:20:40,557
"Bro"?
I'm not your bro, bro.
376
00:20:40,625 --> 00:20:42,092
Okay, and that's 80 bucks.
377
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:43,718
You don't feel like
getting high tonight?
378
00:20:43,795 --> 00:20:46,593
If you don't feel like getting high,
that's cool with me,
379
00:20:46,665 --> 00:20:48,724
because there's lots of people
around here. See this guy?
380
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:49,789
Hey, loser.
381
00:20:49,868 --> 00:20:52,393
Hey, what's up, George?
I smoke buds with George all the time.
382
00:20:52,470 --> 00:20:54,438
What kind of hippie are you?
383
00:20:54,506 --> 00:20:57,134
What kind of hippie am I?
Man, I'm a business hippie.
384
00:20:57,208 --> 00:20:59,472
I understand the concept
of supply and demand.
385
00:20:59,544 --> 00:21:02,274
"What's it like
being an investment banker?"
386
00:21:02,347 --> 00:21:06,010
To be honest with you,
it's actually pretty aw...
387
00:21:09,454 --> 00:21:11,149
...awesome.
388
00:21:11,222 --> 00:21:12,211
Excellent!
389
00:21:12,290 --> 00:21:15,919
As for the recommendation,
I guess I can make a couple calls.
390
00:21:15,994 --> 00:21:18,428
Actually, Harold, we should
be getting to the party.
391
00:21:18,496 --> 00:21:19,963
We can discuss all this stuff
on the way there.
392
00:21:20,031 --> 00:21:21,589
- It's just down the hall.
- Okay.
393
00:21:21,666 --> 00:21:25,625
I'm sorry. I can't go.
I have to wait for Kumar.
394
00:21:25,704 --> 00:21:27,194
You'll see him when we're done.
395
00:21:27,272 --> 00:21:29,433
Trust me,
you're gonna love this.
396
00:21:29,507 --> 00:21:32,203
Kenny's mom dropped off
a big pot of kimchi jigae.
397
00:21:32,277 --> 00:21:34,768
It's really good.
It's delicious.
398
00:21:34,846 --> 00:21:35,904
Yeah?
399
00:21:35,980 --> 00:21:37,607
That's nice.
400
00:21:38,116 --> 00:21:40,107
- 80 bucks, okay?
- Okay.
401
00:21:40,185 --> 00:21:43,245
- Hello.
- Are you guys about to smoke?
402
00:21:43,321 --> 00:21:46,256
Yes, we're gonna smoke. Do you
wanna come back to my place?
403
00:21:46,324 --> 00:21:49,225
Please, like they want to go listen
to a bunch of Phish records
404
00:21:49,294 --> 00:21:51,489
while you read
your lame-ass poetry.
405
00:21:51,563 --> 00:21:53,121
Girls, you guys wanna hang out,
406
00:21:53,198 --> 00:21:55,291
maybe smoke a little weed
and have some fun?
407
00:21:55,367 --> 00:21:57,335
- All right.
- All right.
408
00:21:57,402 --> 00:21:59,267
My poetry's not lame.
It's really good.
409
00:21:59,337 --> 00:22:01,237
- Yeah, I'm sure.
- It's great.
410
00:22:01,306 --> 00:22:02,933
We're gonna eat before this gets cold.
411
00:22:03,007 --> 00:22:06,101
What you say we meet back
in our room in about 20 minutes?
412
00:22:06,177 --> 00:22:07,610
We're in room 109.
413
00:22:07,679 --> 00:22:11,115
109. Got it.
I'll see you ladies later, huh?
414
00:22:11,182 --> 00:22:12,479
Yes!
415
00:22:12,550 --> 00:22:16,714
109. We'll see
you ladies later. Yes!
416
00:22:17,255 --> 00:22:18,586
We're getting laid, bro.
417
00:22:22,127 --> 00:22:24,027
All right, I'll see you there, man.
418
00:22:25,296 --> 00:22:28,493
20... 20... 208?
419
00:22:28,566 --> 00:22:30,898
208. Yes! 208!
420
00:22:32,036 --> 00:22:34,027
Roldy, dude,
you gotta come quick.
421
00:22:34,105 --> 00:22:37,905
There's these two filthy pussies
just aching to get boned by us.
422
00:22:38,943 --> 00:22:42,242
I mean, there are these two
very lovely young pussies
423
00:22:42,313 --> 00:22:44,247
who would like to have
a chat with you and I.
424
00:22:44,315 --> 00:22:46,806
Sorry. Harold's coming with us.
425
00:22:46,885 --> 00:22:49,012
That's bullshit. He's coming with me.
Isn't that right, Roldy?
426
00:22:50,121 --> 00:22:51,850
- Let's go to the party.
- No, no, no. Fuck that.
427
00:22:51,923 --> 00:22:55,086
Here. This is Harold's understudy.
You can do whatever you want.
428
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:56,422
Roldy, let's go.
429
00:22:57,429 --> 00:22:58,657
Sorry.
430
00:22:58,730 --> 00:23:00,561
I can't believe you were gonna
ditch me for the Joy Luck Club.
431
00:23:00,632 --> 00:23:02,065
You know what their parties are like.
432
00:23:02,133 --> 00:23:04,431
What do you want me to say?
I was under pressure.
433
00:23:04,502 --> 00:23:06,527
Just say no.
That's all it takes. Here.
434
00:23:06,604 --> 00:23:07,866
All right, take a hit of that.
435
00:23:07,939 --> 00:23:09,236
What's going on up there?
436
00:23:09,307 --> 00:23:11,707
Barracuda to Sparrow,
Barracuda to Sparrow.
437
00:23:11,776 --> 00:23:14,267
We got two high-fliers
on level three.
438
00:23:18,416 --> 00:23:20,907
I just wanna talk!
439
00:23:23,688 --> 00:23:25,121
Dude, in here, in here.
440
00:23:25,190 --> 00:23:26,680
Women!
441
00:23:26,758 --> 00:23:28,589
What if someone
finds us in here?
442
00:23:28,660 --> 00:23:31,151
Chill the fuck out. He's not gonna
look for us in the girls' bathroom.
443
00:23:33,731 --> 00:23:35,096
Shit! Come here.
444
00:23:35,733 --> 00:23:38,497
It worked on me. There's no reason
it shouldn't work on you.
445
00:23:38,570 --> 00:23:41,095
But your breasts look beautiful.
446
00:23:41,172 --> 00:23:44,073
I just want those
cute little ping-pong breasts.
447
00:23:44,142 --> 00:23:46,076
You know, that kind of go...
448
00:23:47,879 --> 00:23:49,710
Hurry up because I want
to go smoke weed
449
00:23:49,781 --> 00:23:51,578
with that dishy Indian guy.
450
00:23:51,649 --> 00:23:53,514
It's gonna be a few minutes.
451
00:23:53,585 --> 00:23:57,077
I'm about to have
the worst case of taco shits.
452
00:23:57,155 --> 00:23:58,588
Oh, God.
453
00:24:04,996 --> 00:24:07,021
Great, I think I've got
to go, too.
454
00:24:24,849 --> 00:24:28,182
Hey, Clarissa, do you want
to play battle shits?
455
00:24:28,253 --> 00:24:30,619
- Oh, my God!
- Battle shits?
456
00:24:30,688 --> 00:24:33,680
We haven't played that
since back at camp.
457
00:24:33,758 --> 00:24:35,726
I know, I know.
Wait for it.
458
00:24:41,499 --> 00:24:42,796
Hit.
459
00:24:45,904 --> 00:24:48,202
Scag! You sank my destroyer!
460
00:24:57,215 --> 00:24:58,204
Fuck!
461
00:24:59,951 --> 00:25:02,215
I can't take it anymore!
462
00:25:05,523 --> 00:25:06,990
Christy, are you still there?
463
00:25:09,761 --> 00:25:13,060
Damn! You sank my battle shit!
464
00:25:13,131 --> 00:25:14,621
Shit.
465
00:25:18,102 --> 00:25:19,126
Dude!
466
00:25:21,039 --> 00:25:23,007
She said in 20-10?
467
00:25:23,074 --> 00:25:25,304
Have you seen
a Korean guy around here?
468
00:25:25,376 --> 00:25:28,243
Yeah, only when
I open my eyes, though.
469
00:25:29,314 --> 00:25:30,508
'Tard.
470
00:25:33,251 --> 00:25:35,276
20-11.
471
00:25:43,461 --> 00:25:44,894
Yo, this party's bumpin'!
472
00:25:44,963 --> 00:25:47,727
- Who wants some Buda?
- Yeah!
473
00:25:47,799 --> 00:25:51,360
Holy shit! Kenneth Park,
class of 2004.
474
00:25:51,436 --> 00:25:54,667
Dude, I'm thinking you really screwed up
by not coming to this party.
475
00:25:54,739 --> 00:25:56,400
I screwed up?
476
00:25:56,474 --> 00:25:58,374
Can we have some pot brownies?
477
00:25:58,443 --> 00:26:00,536
I don't know.
I'm running a little low.
478
00:26:00,612 --> 00:26:01,977
A titty flash might persuade me.
479
00:26:02,046 --> 00:26:04,139
- Should we?
- I think you should.
480
00:26:04,215 --> 00:26:05,375
Okay.
481
00:26:07,952 --> 00:26:09,044
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
482
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:10,280
Hey, you!
483
00:26:11,089 --> 00:26:12,147
Shit!
484
00:26:12,223 --> 00:26:14,088
Hey!
485
00:26:15,426 --> 00:26:17,257
- Hey!
- Let's get 'em! Halt!
486
00:26:17,328 --> 00:26:19,592
- Hey.
- Hey.
487
00:26:19,664 --> 00:26:21,825
- Harold! Harold!
- No, no, no.
488
00:26:22,867 --> 00:26:24,300
- Hey, dude!
- Come here!
489
00:26:26,804 --> 00:26:28,294
Well, well, well.
490
00:26:28,373 --> 00:26:30,170
- What do we have here?
- Oh, no! That's my baby!
491
00:26:30,241 --> 00:26:32,573
Hold his throat and groin.
Come on, rookie.
492
00:26:32,644 --> 00:26:34,236
Should we go back
for the weed?
493
00:26:34,312 --> 00:26:35,711
Are you crazy?
Run! Run!
494
00:26:37,982 --> 00:26:40,974
I can't believe it, man.
We were this close to getting laid.
495
00:26:41,052 --> 00:26:42,485
Oh, dude,
you always exaggerate.
496
00:26:42,553 --> 00:26:45,021
The diarrhea twins definitely
would have had sex with us.
497
00:26:45,089 --> 00:26:47,489
What about Cindy? She was
looking kinda cute tonight, man.
498
00:26:47,558 --> 00:26:49,788
Cindy's fine.
It's just...
499
00:26:49,861 --> 00:26:50,850
- Just what?
- We...
500
00:26:50,928 --> 00:26:52,555
Oh, you'd rather have Maria.
501
00:26:52,630 --> 00:26:53,619
Look, it doesn't matter.
502
00:26:53,698 --> 00:26:55,962
I'm gonna end up with Cindy Kim
whether I like it or not.
503
00:26:56,034 --> 00:26:59,128
Can we just drop this and get
our asses to White Castle, man?
504
00:26:59,203 --> 00:27:01,330
Fine.
Maria.
505
00:27:04,442 --> 00:27:05,636
What are you doing?
506
00:27:05,710 --> 00:27:07,769
Daddy needs to urinate.
507
00:27:08,713 --> 00:27:09,805
Hurry up!
508
00:27:11,716 --> 00:27:13,343
I'm serious.
Don't take all night.
509
00:27:13,418 --> 00:27:14,851
All right.
510
00:27:56,227 --> 00:27:58,695
- Excuse me, I have to...
- Huh?
511
00:27:58,763 --> 00:28:02,756
I have to ask you.
Why are you peeing right here?
512
00:28:02,834 --> 00:28:04,028
What?
513
00:28:04,102 --> 00:28:06,764
I mean, why'd you pee
right next to me
514
00:28:06,838 --> 00:28:09,102
when you could choose
that bush or...
515
00:28:09,173 --> 00:28:11,141
This is a good bush to pee on.
516
00:28:12,143 --> 00:28:14,668
Why are you peeing on it?
517
00:28:14,746 --> 00:28:16,873
Well, no one was here
when I chose this bush.
518
00:28:16,948 --> 00:28:18,074
Oh.
519
00:28:18,149 --> 00:28:21,016
So you get to pee on it
and no one else does? Huh?
520
00:28:21,085 --> 00:28:23,417
- No, I just...
- This your bush?
521
00:28:23,488 --> 00:28:25,956
You have a special bond
with this bush?
522
00:28:26,023 --> 00:28:28,958
- No, I just thought that...
- You the king of the forest?
523
00:28:29,026 --> 00:28:30,254
- I'm sorry?
- What?
524
00:28:30,328 --> 00:28:34,025
Are you a fuckin' tree-hugger?
Is this your special bush?!
525
00:28:34,098 --> 00:28:36,623
Never mind. Forget it. I really
don't feel like getting stabbed tonight.
526
00:28:42,173 --> 00:28:43,401
Nice pubes.
527
00:28:47,145 --> 00:28:48,134
Thanks.
528
00:29:11,469 --> 00:29:13,460
Do you even know
where you're going?
529
00:29:13,538 --> 00:29:15,631
I'm gonna be honest,
I'm a little lost, but, you know,
530
00:29:15,706 --> 00:29:17,799
once we get back on the highway,
we'll be there soon, don't worry.
531
00:29:17,875 --> 00:29:19,206
We'd better.
532
00:29:20,311 --> 00:29:22,506
Shit. Now it's raining.
533
00:29:23,347 --> 00:29:24,644
Put on your wipers.
534
00:29:24,715 --> 00:29:26,273
What are you talking about?
It's just a little mist.
535
00:29:26,350 --> 00:29:28,614
Yeah, mist,
hence the mist setting.
536
00:29:28,686 --> 00:29:31,314
It's a safety issue, okay?
There we go.
537
00:29:31,389 --> 00:29:34,654
Thank you, Mr. Wizard.
What crawled up your ass?
538
00:29:34,725 --> 00:29:37,125
I'm completely on edge
right now, man.
539
00:29:37,195 --> 00:29:38,787
After all the shit that
we've been through tonight,
540
00:29:38,863 --> 00:29:40,854
I don't know
how much more I can take.
541
00:29:41,532 --> 00:29:43,864
Oh, shit! How the fuck
did that get in here?
542
00:29:43,935 --> 00:29:45,027
Oh, shit!
543
00:29:48,739 --> 00:29:51,469
He bit me!
I've got rabies!
544
00:29:53,077 --> 00:29:54,066
Oh, my God!
545
00:29:54,145 --> 00:29:56,306
Dude, get that fuckin'
cancer raccoon away from me!
546
00:29:56,380 --> 00:29:57,847
Open my window!
547
00:29:57,915 --> 00:30:00,509
Fuck you, raccoon!
548
00:30:02,954 --> 00:30:04,546
What the Christ?
549
00:30:05,289 --> 00:30:08,315
- Shit!
- Shit!
550
00:30:11,863 --> 00:30:13,694
Jesus! You all right?
551
00:30:13,764 --> 00:30:15,925
I don't know.
552
00:30:16,701 --> 00:30:18,100
Shit.
553
00:30:18,636 --> 00:30:20,194
Shit, dude,
he's coming over here.
554
00:30:21,305 --> 00:30:23,068
Probably some old blind bitch!
555
00:30:23,140 --> 00:30:27,042
- What the fuck are you doing?
- We're sorry. We're very sorry!
556
00:30:27,111 --> 00:30:29,841
- Holy shit!
- Goldstein?
557
00:30:29,914 --> 00:30:31,882
Dude, it's Rold and Kumar.
558
00:30:31,949 --> 00:30:34,509
Shit. What's going on, man?
559
00:30:34,585 --> 00:30:37,179
- What's up, dude? What's up?
- All right.
560
00:30:37,255 --> 00:30:38,654
What the hell
are you guys doing here?
561
00:30:38,723 --> 00:30:41,749
We got the munchies, so we
decided we'd go to Hot Dog Heaven.
562
00:30:41,826 --> 00:30:43,726
How about you?
How was White Castle?
563
00:30:43,794 --> 00:30:46,422
We haven't gotten there yet.
I think I may have rabies.
564
00:30:46,497 --> 00:30:48,431
Yo, dude, how were
Katie Holmes' tits?
565
00:30:48,499 --> 00:30:50,490
- You know the Holocaust?
- Yeah.
566
00:30:50,568 --> 00:30:52,502
Picture the exact
opposite of that.
567
00:30:52,570 --> 00:30:54,231
Nice.
568
00:30:55,172 --> 00:30:56,469
Boy, do you need a girl.
569
00:30:56,540 --> 00:30:58,201
If you guys
got the yellow fever,
570
00:30:58,276 --> 00:31:00,141
there's a rockin' Asian party
down at Princeton.
571
00:31:00,211 --> 00:31:01,576
Dude, I got the yellow plague.
572
00:31:01,646 --> 00:31:04,513
There's nothing sexier
than a hot Asian chick!
573
00:31:04,582 --> 00:31:06,243
Asian tits...
I wanna squeeze 'em!
574
00:31:06,317 --> 00:31:08,751
Stop. Don't do that.
Please, do not touch me.
575
00:31:08,819 --> 00:31:09,945
I'm very woozy.
576
00:31:10,021 --> 00:31:12,012
I think I have to go
to the hospital.
577
00:31:12,089 --> 00:31:14,080
You should go
to Beth Israel.
578
00:31:14,158 --> 00:31:16,490
- We gotta hit up this Asian joint.
- No, we don't.
579
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,893
We got to go to Hot Dog Heaven.
No more detours along the way.
580
00:31:19,964 --> 00:31:21,761
- This is what I'm dealing with.
- Come on!
581
00:31:21,832 --> 00:31:23,129
I'm telling you,
hit up the Asian party.
582
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,031
Did you leave the key in the car
with the engine running?
583
00:31:25,102 --> 00:31:26,194
Good luck.
584
00:31:26,270 --> 00:31:29,467
You don't have rabies. We're not
going to a hospital. You're fine.
585
00:31:40,151 --> 00:31:43,120
Uh... Yeah, I don't have rabies.
586
00:31:43,187 --> 00:31:45,815
Great. Let's just
get out of here.
587
00:31:46,791 --> 00:31:50,318
Hey, aren't those the guys
that got the shit kicked...
588
00:31:50,394 --> 00:31:53,158
I know. I know.
Let's just go.
589
00:31:54,865 --> 00:31:56,423
Just go.
590
00:31:57,101 --> 00:31:58,363
Kumar.
591
00:32:00,271 --> 00:32:02,432
- Hey, it's your dad and brother.
- Shit.
592
00:32:03,641 --> 00:32:06,303
No wonder you didn't want
to go to the hospital.
593
00:32:06,377 --> 00:32:07,901
- Hey, Dad.
- Hi, Dr. Patel.
594
00:32:07,979 --> 00:32:09,947
- What's up?
- Saikat. What's going on?
595
00:32:10,014 --> 00:32:13,279
I hope you are here to apologize for
what you did in your interview today.
596
00:32:13,351 --> 00:32:14,943
What the hell's
wrong with you, Kumar?
597
00:32:15,019 --> 00:32:17,351
God! You're 22 years old.
When are you gonna grow up
598
00:32:17,421 --> 00:32:20,413
and stop this
post-college rebel bullshit?
599
00:32:20,491 --> 00:32:23,324
- Like your life is so hard.
- Eat my balls, Saikat.
600
00:32:23,394 --> 00:32:26,158
I will not tolerate this
business from you any longer.
601
00:32:26,230 --> 00:32:28,960
You have one more
interview tomorrow morning,
602
00:32:29,033 --> 00:32:33,697
and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you
were anything short of spectacular,
603
00:32:33,771 --> 00:32:35,568
I'll completely cut you off.
604
00:32:35,639 --> 00:32:37,698
- Dad, come on.
- Daddy is not coming on anything.
605
00:32:39,877 --> 00:32:42,505
You will be there,
and you will behave.
606
00:32:42,580 --> 00:32:45,981
I have put too much time
and energy into you
607
00:32:46,050 --> 00:32:48,814
to let you go
and fuck it all up!
608
00:32:56,394 --> 00:32:59,090
You're absolutely right.
I'm sorry, guys.
609
00:32:59,163 --> 00:33:00,494
Wow, I'm sorry.
610
00:33:02,299 --> 00:33:04,665
Sorry.
It won't happen again, okay?
611
00:33:06,270 --> 00:33:07,760
Good.
612
00:33:07,838 --> 00:33:09,533
I will speak with you tomorrow.
613
00:33:09,607 --> 00:33:11,973
- Bye, Harold.
- Bye.
614
00:33:12,043 --> 00:33:13,305
See ya.
615
00:33:13,377 --> 00:33:14,674
Wow, man.
616
00:33:14,745 --> 00:33:16,906
I guess you're going
to med school after all, eh?
617
00:33:16,981 --> 00:33:20,041
Fuck that, dude.
Like I care what my dad thinks.
618
00:33:20,117 --> 00:33:21,379
I can't wait to see
the look on his face
619
00:33:21,452 --> 00:33:22,885
when he finds out I didn't go
to my interview tomorrow.
620
00:33:22,953 --> 00:33:25,353
If he wants to cut me off, fine.
I don't need his money.
621
00:33:25,423 --> 00:33:28,187
I don't understand.
You just hugged him.
622
00:33:28,259 --> 00:33:31,660
Yeah, I just needed to get
my hands on this.
623
00:33:31,729 --> 00:33:32,889
Access card.
624
00:33:32,963 --> 00:33:36,023
Two words for you, bro...
medical marijuana.
625
00:33:37,101 --> 00:33:38,125
No.
626
00:33:39,370 --> 00:33:41,634
Oh, this is stolen.
627
00:33:43,074 --> 00:33:45,065
If we get caught,
you are taking the blame.
628
00:33:45,142 --> 00:33:46,541
This is not my idea.
629
00:33:46,610 --> 00:33:48,805
We're not gonna get caught, okay?
We're gonna go get baked
630
00:33:48,879 --> 00:33:51,439
and then go eat just like we planned.
Now, just calm down.
631
00:33:51,515 --> 00:33:53,779
- We gotta find the pharmacy.
- Dr. Patel!
632
00:33:53,851 --> 00:33:55,716
Thank God I found you.
We have an emergency.
633
00:33:55,786 --> 00:33:58,380
Nurses, I need these two doctors
scrubbed, gloved,
634
00:33:58,456 --> 00:34:00,515
and ready for the O.R. Stat!
635
00:34:00,691 --> 00:34:03,159
- What the hell is going on?
- He probably thinks I'm my brother.
636
00:34:03,227 --> 00:34:05,559
Just don't worry about it.
Leave the talking to me.
637
00:34:05,629 --> 00:34:07,927
It's a godforsaken bloodbath.
638
00:34:07,998 --> 00:34:10,626
The patient was brought in
by EMS five minutes ago.
639
00:34:10,701 --> 00:34:12,999
As you can see, we have
three horrific gunshot wounds.
640
00:34:13,070 --> 00:34:14,059
It's a good thing
I found you two.
641
00:34:14,138 --> 00:34:15,799
All the other surgeons
are working on other patients.
642
00:34:15,873 --> 00:34:17,465
No, there's been a mistake.
643
00:34:17,541 --> 00:34:20,533
What Dr. Lee is trying to say
is that we need to sedate the patient...
644
00:34:20,611 --> 00:34:23,136
...or he could go into cardiac arrest.
- All right, I'll get the anesthesiologist.
645
00:34:23,214 --> 00:34:25,546
Hang on a second, nurse. What we
should probably use is marijuana.
646
00:34:25,616 --> 00:34:27,743
That'll sufficiently
sedate the patient for surgery.
647
00:34:33,791 --> 00:34:35,418
Marijuana?
648
00:34:36,293 --> 00:34:37,282
But why?
649
00:34:37,361 --> 00:34:38,851
We don't have time for questions.
650
00:34:38,929 --> 00:34:41,659
We need marijuana now,
as much of it as possible!
651
00:34:41,732 --> 00:34:43,165
Like a big bag of it.
652
00:34:43,234 --> 00:34:47,000
But, Doctor, we don't have
marijuana in this hospital.
653
00:34:47,071 --> 00:34:48,834
Shit.
654
00:34:48,906 --> 00:34:51,932
Oh, shit!
This guy's gonna die!
655
00:34:52,009 --> 00:34:54,477
Doctor, you've got to do something
or we're gonna lose him!
656
00:34:54,545 --> 00:34:56,012
I'm gonna do this
the old-fashioned way.
657
00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:58,310
Start the nitrous.
Give me two large-bore I.V. S
658
00:34:58,382 --> 00:35:00,247
and start a Ringers lactate push.
659
00:35:00,317 --> 00:35:01,341
Dr. Roldy, hold this.
660
00:35:07,424 --> 00:35:08,652
More gauze, please.
661
00:35:08,726 --> 00:35:12,093
- Doctor, the patient is desatting.
- Dude, he's desatting! He's desatting!
662
00:35:12,163 --> 00:35:14,961
The patient has a collapsed lung.
I need a 14-gauge angiocath stat.
663
00:35:21,872 --> 00:35:24,272
- That was genius.
- Thank you.
664
00:35:24,341 --> 00:35:26,138
- Great job!
- You guys did it.
665
00:35:26,210 --> 00:35:27,268
No, it's you.
666
00:35:28,779 --> 00:35:31,077
- Sexy.
- What'd you say?
667
00:35:31,148 --> 00:35:32,308
Nothing.
668
00:35:32,383 --> 00:35:33,475
Sweet-pea.
669
00:35:35,452 --> 00:35:37,545
The patient appears
to be stabilized.
670
00:35:37,621 --> 00:35:40,317
- Good work, doctors, all around.
- Great. One of you clean this up, please.
671
00:35:40,391 --> 00:35:42,655
- Put the chest tube in.
- Meow. You're moist.
672
00:35:42,726 --> 00:35:45,024
- I'm not sweating anymore.
- You're glistening.
673
00:35:45,095 --> 00:35:47,893
Soft and chocolate lips...
674
00:35:47,965 --> 00:35:51,731
- Could I get a little dab here?
- Hush now, hush now.
675
00:35:51,802 --> 00:35:54,236
Excuse me, sir.
Do you happen to know
676
00:35:54,305 --> 00:35:56,364
how to get to the White Castle
in Cherry Hill from here?
677
00:35:56,440 --> 00:36:01,241
Yeah. Take the 33 west
and take the Turnpike south,
678
00:36:01,312 --> 00:36:02,609
and there you are.
679
00:36:02,947 --> 00:36:04,847
I'm telling you, man,
that was amazing!
680
00:36:04,915 --> 00:36:06,610
Even your dad would
have been impressed, man.
681
00:36:06,684 --> 00:36:08,311
Yeah, it wasn't that bad.
682
00:36:08,385 --> 00:36:12,754
This is perfect. We're back on the road,
we got directions, it stopped raining.
683
00:36:12,823 --> 00:36:14,017
And guess what, man.
684
00:36:14,091 --> 00:36:17,822
- I'm officially done with my work.
- Oh, yeah? Nice!
685
00:36:17,895 --> 00:36:20,557
I'm telling you, dude,
things are finally starting to go our way.
686
00:36:22,433 --> 00:36:24,196
Hey, dude, check it out...
Sixteen Candles.
687
00:36:24,268 --> 00:36:25,826
Isn't that your favorite movie?
688
00:36:25,903 --> 00:36:27,029
Wow, man, that's awesome!
689
00:36:28,939 --> 00:36:31,430
Yo, look who decided
to go see it.
690
00:36:31,508 --> 00:36:32,702
Holy shit.
691
00:36:32,776 --> 00:36:35,210
See! You said you two
had nothing in common,
692
00:36:35,279 --> 00:36:37,372
but you both have the same
lame taste in movies!
693
00:36:37,448 --> 00:36:38,847
Shut up.
694
00:36:38,916 --> 00:36:40,713
Hey, we should ask her if she
wants to come to White Castle.
695
00:36:40,784 --> 00:36:43,412
No. No, no.
Forget about it. Just drive.
696
00:36:43,487 --> 00:36:45,250
Dude, come on.
It's 1:00 in the morning.
697
00:36:45,322 --> 00:36:46,983
We're an hour away from home,
698
00:36:47,057 --> 00:36:50,117
and who do we see but your dream girl
standing across the street?
699
00:36:50,194 --> 00:36:53,061
Just pretend you're a nerdy
Asian version of Tom Hanks
700
00:36:53,130 --> 00:36:55,826
and she's a hot Latina Meg Ryan
with bigger tits.
701
00:36:56,867 --> 00:36:58,801
The cars are going.
Can we go? How about that?
702
00:36:58,869 --> 00:37:01,099
- What are you doing?
- Excuse me, Maria!
703
00:37:01,171 --> 00:37:03,969
- What are you doing?
- Maria! Excuse me for a second!
704
00:37:04,041 --> 00:37:05,565
Come here!
705
00:37:05,976 --> 00:37:07,637
No! What the hell
are you doing?
706
00:37:07,711 --> 00:37:09,702
Get your hand off the gas!
Shit!
707
00:37:09,780 --> 00:37:11,714
- I'm stuck!
- Stop turning the wheel!
708
00:37:11,782 --> 00:37:13,875
- I am stuck!
- What do you mean you're stuck?
709
00:37:13,951 --> 00:37:15,009
Get unstuck!
710
00:37:26,797 --> 00:37:28,822
- You asshole!
- Wha... wha...?
711
00:37:28,899 --> 00:37:31,493
We could have seriously
injured ourselves, man!
712
00:37:31,568 --> 00:37:33,035
Yo, don't blame me, genius.
713
00:37:33,103 --> 00:37:35,594
I'm not the one who decided
to run us off the frickin' road, all right?
714
00:37:35,673 --> 00:37:37,436
Let's just get
back on the highway, okay?
715
00:37:37,508 --> 00:37:38,839
Fine with me.
716
00:37:46,383 --> 00:37:47,941
It's not funny.
717
00:37:57,494 --> 00:38:00,429
- Where's my spare tire?
- I don't know.
718
00:38:01,732 --> 00:38:03,700
Where the hell
is my spare tire?
719
00:38:03,767 --> 00:38:05,462
Oh, yeah!
720
00:38:05,536 --> 00:38:09,063
Dude, remember that time
we got really stoned
721
00:38:09,139 --> 00:38:12,836
and started throwing shit off
that bridge to see if it would float?
722
00:38:14,278 --> 00:38:16,610
What bridge? I don't remem...
What are you talking about?
723
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:18,978
Oh, shit, that's right.
That was with Goldstein.
724
00:38:20,818 --> 00:38:22,809
We borrowed your car
that night. My bad.
725
00:38:22,886 --> 00:38:26,219
Your bad? What the hell
are we gonna do now?
726
00:38:29,893 --> 00:38:31,861
- Hey!
- Hey! Excuse me!
727
00:38:31,929 --> 00:38:34,363
- Hello! Over here!
- Excuse me!
728
00:38:44,641 --> 00:38:46,871
You boys need some help?
729
00:38:53,784 --> 00:38:56,184
Thanks for helping us out.
730
00:38:59,456 --> 00:39:00,889
No problem at all.
731
00:39:00,958 --> 00:39:05,054
I seen you two stranded
out there alone in the dark,
732
00:39:05,129 --> 00:39:08,360
and I said to myself...
733
00:39:08,432 --> 00:39:10,093
"What would Jesus do?"
734
00:39:10,167 --> 00:39:11,828
Goin' down to Georgia
735
00:39:11,902 --> 00:39:15,394
Gonna get myself baptized,
gonna get myself baptized
736
00:39:15,472 --> 00:39:18,270
In the bosom of the Lord
737
00:39:22,579 --> 00:39:25,571
Have you boys accepted Jesus
as your Lord and Savior?
738
00:39:25,649 --> 00:39:27,776
- Yes.
- Yeah, he's great. Cool guy.
739
00:39:27,851 --> 00:39:30,445
Praise the Lord
and pass the ammunition!
740
00:39:30,521 --> 00:39:34,252
Name's Randy,
but everybody calls me Freakshow.
741
00:39:34,324 --> 00:39:35,916
My name's Kumar.
742
00:39:35,993 --> 00:39:37,927
How are you, Kunie?
743
00:39:39,630 --> 00:39:41,655
- This is Harold.
- Hi, Jerald. How are you?
744
00:39:42,733 --> 00:39:45,099
So where exactly
are we going?
745
00:39:45,169 --> 00:39:48,263
Don't you worry about that none.
We ain't too far from my place.
746
00:39:48,338 --> 00:39:52,035
Once we get there, I'll have
your ride fixed up in a jiffy.
747
00:39:59,483 --> 00:40:01,781
Check out those boils
on his neck.
748
00:40:01,852 --> 00:40:03,911
You gotta look.
One of them's actually pulsating.
749
00:40:04,721 --> 00:40:08,782
Shut up. He's right next to me.
He can hear you.
750
00:40:08,859 --> 00:40:10,588
Now there's some sort of puss.
751
00:40:10,661 --> 00:40:11,958
- It's disgusting!
- Shut up.
752
00:40:12,029 --> 00:40:14,793
Just one little boil.
Just look at it.
753
00:40:23,140 --> 00:40:25,802
See, isn't that the most disgusting
thing you've ever seen?
754
00:40:25,876 --> 00:40:28,037
Do you think just
because you're whispering,
755
00:40:28,111 --> 00:40:31,103
he can't hear
what you're saying?
756
00:40:31,181 --> 00:40:34,082
He's two feet away from us.
He can hear this entire conversation.
757
00:40:34,151 --> 00:40:36,346
He can hear me
talking right now.
758
00:40:36,420 --> 00:40:38,081
Don't worry about it.
He can't hear anything...
759
00:40:38,155 --> 00:40:40,180
not with all that crust in his ear.
760
00:40:48,966 --> 00:40:51,025
I heard everything you said.
761
00:40:59,676 --> 00:41:02,236
It's gonna take me a while
to fix up your car there,
762
00:41:02,312 --> 00:41:06,510
so if you boys like,
you can go on inside,
763
00:41:06,583 --> 00:41:08,881
get yourselves something
to drink, wash up,
764
00:41:08,952 --> 00:41:11,477
fuck my wife, watch TV...
anything you want.
765
00:41:11,555 --> 00:41:15,082
Mi casa es su casa.
766
00:41:15,158 --> 00:41:18,594
Just don't do anything
the Good Lord wouldn't do.
767
00:41:19,696 --> 00:41:20,685
Thank you.
768
00:41:22,266 --> 00:41:24,461
We're gonna die.
He's going to kill us.
769
00:41:24,535 --> 00:41:25,900
We're gonna die.
770
00:41:25,969 --> 00:41:29,132
Dude, am I deaf, or did he just say
we get to fuck his wife?
771
00:41:29,206 --> 00:41:30,969
He couldn't have said that.
772
00:41:33,277 --> 00:41:35,211
Who cares?
You've seen Freakshow.
773
00:41:35,279 --> 00:41:37,179
What do you think his wife
is gonna look like?
774
00:41:50,761 --> 00:41:52,524
Oh, hi, boys.
775
00:41:52,596 --> 00:41:55,121
I'm Freakshow's wife Liane.
776
00:41:55,832 --> 00:41:57,823
Can I get you some pink lemonade?
777
00:41:57,901 --> 00:42:00,995
Why don't you just go
have a seat in the living room?
778
00:42:01,071 --> 00:42:02,595
I'll be back in a jiffy.
779
00:42:02,673 --> 00:42:04,038
Thanks.
780
00:42:07,578 --> 00:42:10,547
- Hot. Hot!
- Uh-huh.
781
00:42:18,989 --> 00:42:20,684
Jesus Christ.
782
00:42:25,829 --> 00:42:29,356
Okay, it's official.
We've entered the Twilight Zone.
783
00:42:29,433 --> 00:42:32,459
- Dude, Liane is fucking hot.
- She's not ugly.
784
00:42:34,438 --> 00:42:35,871
Here you go, boys.
785
00:42:35,939 --> 00:42:37,133
- Thank you.
- Thanks a lot.
786
00:42:37,207 --> 00:42:40,233
Liane, how are things between you
and Freakshow presently?
787
00:42:40,310 --> 00:42:43,609
Oh! They've never been better.
We love each other so much.
788
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:48,583
I was just wondering,
how does a guy like Freakshow...
789
00:42:52,656 --> 00:42:55,921
...end up with a girl like you?
790
00:42:55,993 --> 00:43:00,089
Well, we met at choir practice
about four years ago.
791
00:43:00,163 --> 00:43:02,131
Freakshow was really shy
back then, you know,
792
00:43:02,199 --> 00:43:04,258
'cause of all his hideous boils
on his face and neck.
793
00:43:04,334 --> 00:43:05,596
Sure, sure.
794
00:43:05,669 --> 00:43:08,229
But he had
the most amazing voice,
795
00:43:08,305 --> 00:43:10,102
like a baby canary.
796
00:43:11,208 --> 00:43:13,267
The devil is everywhere
797
00:43:13,343 --> 00:43:16,210
Hey, Randy, what,
the devil, huh
798
00:43:16,279 --> 00:43:18,076
The devil is everywhere
799
00:43:18,148 --> 00:43:20,013
Hey, Randy, what
800
00:43:20,083 --> 00:43:23,280
After Easter service one day,
I told him how much I loved his solo
801
00:43:23,353 --> 00:43:25,287
and he finally mustered up
the courage to ask me out.
802
00:43:25,355 --> 00:43:27,448
We've been in love ever since.
803
00:43:27,524 --> 00:43:30,322
So, are you boys gonna
fuck me now or what?
804
00:43:32,763 --> 00:43:34,958
Rock, paper, scissors
to see who goes first. Ready?
805
00:43:35,032 --> 00:43:36,863
- Rock, paper...
- Wait a second.
806
00:43:36,933 --> 00:43:38,662
What about Freakshow?
807
00:43:38,735 --> 00:43:42,330
What? You assume we don't
know how to have a good time?
808
00:43:42,406 --> 00:43:43,998
I just...
809
00:43:53,050 --> 00:43:54,847
Never mind.
Rock, paper, scissors.
810
00:43:54,918 --> 00:43:58,945
Sorry, but if you boys want me,
you have to do me at the same time.
811
00:43:59,022 --> 00:44:02,014
- Huh?
- Come on, give me the double stuff.
812
00:44:02,092 --> 00:44:03,992
I'm not sure
we quite understand, Liane.
813
00:44:04,061 --> 00:44:07,462
I want you both
inside me simultaneously.
814
00:44:07,531 --> 00:44:09,522
- One hole or two?
- Whatever you want.
815
00:44:09,599 --> 00:44:12,159
Sorry. No, thank you.
No, thank you.
816
00:44:12,235 --> 00:44:14,203
Dude, if it's two holes,
it might not be that bad.
817
00:44:14,271 --> 00:44:16,000
- Shotgun anus.
- Forget it!
818
00:44:16,073 --> 00:44:17,973
I don't want our balls
rubbing against each other.
819
00:44:18,041 --> 00:44:19,906
- What, are you kidding?
- No way! Forget it.
820
00:44:19,976 --> 00:44:21,705
How about blow jobs?
Can we have blow jobs?
821
00:44:27,050 --> 00:44:28,677
Well, okay.
822
00:44:31,621 --> 00:44:32,747
Come here.
823
00:44:32,823 --> 00:44:35,519
Okay. I'm going up there.
824
00:44:35,592 --> 00:44:36,889
I wanna come, too.
825
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:40,521
- Think you could help me with this?
- You need help?
826
00:44:41,832 --> 00:44:44,733
Okay, yeah.
It's a little sticky there.
827
00:44:44,801 --> 00:44:46,894
- You can do it.
- Okay.
828
00:44:46,970 --> 00:44:48,767
I can do it.
I can do it.
829
00:45:02,919 --> 00:45:04,853
Do you wanna play with them?
830
00:45:04,921 --> 00:45:05,910
Play with them.
831
00:45:07,491 --> 00:45:10,051
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Okay.
832
00:45:10,127 --> 00:45:11,992
Let's do that.
833
00:45:14,030 --> 00:45:17,056
Well, boys, I fixed your tire.
834
00:45:20,203 --> 00:45:21,568
Hi, honey!
835
00:45:21,638 --> 00:45:25,074
What in the hell
are you doing with my wife?
836
00:45:26,042 --> 00:45:29,136
You said outside that
we could have sex with her.
837
00:45:29,212 --> 00:45:30,474
Shit! Shit!
838
00:45:30,547 --> 00:45:33,448
- I most certainly did not.
- Yeah, you did.
839
00:45:33,517 --> 00:45:34,916
- I did not!
- You did.
840
00:45:34,985 --> 00:45:37,010
- Oh, no, I didn't!
- You did, you did.
841
00:45:38,722 --> 00:45:41,156
- You sure?
- You said it.
842
00:45:45,662 --> 00:45:46,651
My mistake!
843
00:45:46,730 --> 00:45:48,254
Freakshow.
844
00:45:48,331 --> 00:45:51,425
Well, since we're all here...
845
00:45:52,269 --> 00:45:54,260
...how about a foursome?
846
00:45:54,337 --> 00:45:56,271
Who wants the first reach-around?
847
00:46:04,815 --> 00:46:07,283
Okay, let's agree to never talk
about what just happened.
848
00:46:07,350 --> 00:46:08,442
Agreed.
849
00:46:08,518 --> 00:46:11,453
That's a very good idea.
850
00:46:11,521 --> 00:46:13,284
Dude, I have no idea
where we are.
851
00:46:13,356 --> 00:46:14,653
What?
852
00:46:16,226 --> 00:46:17,659
- Is that a hitchhiker?
- What the hell?
853
00:46:17,727 --> 00:46:20,127
- Should we pick him up?
- And get chopped to bits? Are you crazy?
854
00:46:20,197 --> 00:46:22,529
You know what? We're lost. He may
know how to get back on the highway.
855
00:46:22,599 --> 00:46:25,090
Get back on the road.
This is my car.
856
00:46:25,168 --> 00:46:26,829
We are not picking up
a hitchhiker, man.
857
00:46:26,903 --> 00:46:29,633
Hey, guys, thanks
for picking me up.
858
00:46:33,543 --> 00:46:36,205
Excuse me,
are you Neil Patrick Harris?
859
00:46:36,279 --> 00:46:37,268
Yep.
860
00:46:37,347 --> 00:46:39,372
- Oh, my God, what are you doing here?
- Holy shit.
861
00:46:39,449 --> 00:46:41,383
Dude, Doogie Howser M. D. Was,
like, my favorite show growing up.
862
00:46:41,451 --> 00:46:42,440
You were my idol.
863
00:46:42,519 --> 00:46:44,749
That's great. Could we get going?
I'm bored as shit back here.
864
00:46:45,422 --> 00:46:48,050
- Go, go.
- Let's go. This is a frickin' boring spot.
865
00:46:55,498 --> 00:46:58,194
So I gotta ask you, Neil,
866
00:46:58,268 --> 00:47:00,463
did you ever get it on
with Wanda off the set?
867
00:47:00,537 --> 00:47:03,131
Dude, I humped every piece
of ass ever on that show.
868
00:47:03,206 --> 00:47:04,901
Even the chick
who played the hot nurse?
869
00:47:05,976 --> 00:47:09,878
No. I didn't go
all the way with her.
870
00:47:13,250 --> 00:47:14,410
Neil, you wouldn't happen to know
871
00:47:14,484 --> 00:47:15,815
how to get on the highway
from here, would you?
872
00:47:15,886 --> 00:47:18,013
Dude, I don't even know
where the fuck I am right now.
873
00:47:18,088 --> 00:47:19,350
I was at this party earlier tonight
874
00:47:19,422 --> 00:47:22,152
and some guy hooked me up
with this incredible X.
875
00:47:22,225 --> 00:47:24,819
The next thing I know, I'm being
thrown out of a moving car.
876
00:47:24,895 --> 00:47:28,262
- I've been tripping balls ever since.
- That's crazy, dude.
877
00:47:28,331 --> 00:47:29,764
We've been having
a pretty crazy night, too.
878
00:47:29,833 --> 00:47:31,596
We've just been driving around
looking for White Castle,
879
00:47:31,668 --> 00:47:33,033
but we keep getting sidetracked.
880
00:47:33,103 --> 00:47:34,161
Yeah, dude, you fascinate me.
881
00:47:34,237 --> 00:47:36,205
Forget White Castle.
Let's go get some pussy.
882
00:47:36,273 --> 00:47:38,571
- Huh?
- It's a fuckin' sausage-fest in here.
883
00:47:38,642 --> 00:47:41,042
Let's get us some poontang.
Then we'll go to White Castle.
884
00:47:41,111 --> 00:47:42,169
No, Neil, you don't understand.
885
00:47:42,245 --> 00:47:44,179
We've been craving
these burgers all night.
886
00:47:44,247 --> 00:47:46,579
Yeah, I've been craving
burgers, too... fur burgers.
887
00:47:46,650 --> 00:47:49,710
Come on, dudes, let's pick up
some trim at a strip club.
888
00:47:49,786 --> 00:47:52,220
The Doogie line
always works on strippers.
889
00:47:52,289 --> 00:47:55,053
Lap dance.
890
00:47:55,825 --> 00:47:58,726
There's a gas station.
I'm gonna see if we can get directions.
891
00:47:58,795 --> 00:48:00,763
We don't need...
892
00:48:02,766 --> 00:48:06,395
Hurry up, dudes, hurry up.
I'm losing wood.
893
00:48:10,206 --> 00:48:13,039
Hurry, hurry, hurry,
hurry, hurry, hurry.
894
00:48:13,109 --> 00:48:15,077
- Chill.
- We'll be right back, Neil.
895
00:48:15,145 --> 00:48:16,442
We'll be back.
896
00:48:22,552 --> 00:48:25,680
What's the deal with Neil Patrick Harris?
Why is he so horny?
897
00:48:25,755 --> 00:48:28,883
I don't know, but we can't
let him interfere with our quest.
898
00:48:30,393 --> 00:48:33,624
- Oh, God.
- Shit, these punks again.
899
00:48:33,697 --> 00:48:35,324
Late-night Math League
meeting, homos?
900
00:48:35,398 --> 00:48:37,093
Extreme!
901
00:48:40,303 --> 00:48:41,565
Let's go.
902
00:48:51,381 --> 00:48:54,373
No, no.
Pies, pies... no.
903
00:49:00,623 --> 00:49:01,988
Dude, what is that?
Is that a pterodactyl?
904
00:49:02,058 --> 00:49:03,457
I do not know what that is.
905
00:49:03,526 --> 00:49:05,460
That was extreme, dude!
906
00:49:05,528 --> 00:49:08,691
Excuse me, can you tell us how
to get to the highway from here?
907
00:49:08,765 --> 00:49:09,891
Dude, I got this.
908
00:49:21,711 --> 00:49:24,202
Dude, who knew learning Hindi
would actually pay off?
909
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:26,339
Guy says the highway is, like,
a couple traffic lights from here.
910
00:49:26,416 --> 00:49:28,350
We should be in Cherry Hill
in ten minutes.
911
00:49:28,418 --> 00:49:30,545
- Ready? One, two, three!
- No. No.
912
00:49:30,620 --> 00:49:32,713
- No.
- Extreme kayaking!
913
00:49:32,789 --> 00:49:34,256
No!
914
00:49:36,860 --> 00:49:38,157
Extreme!
915
00:49:43,299 --> 00:49:45,665
- No!
- Man, that was so fuckin' extreme!
916
00:49:46,369 --> 00:49:48,030
On a scale of 1 to 10,
917
00:49:48,104 --> 00:49:51,073
one being not so extreme
and ten being extremely extreme,
918
00:49:51,141 --> 00:49:53,109
I give this a 9.5!
919
00:49:54,677 --> 00:49:56,838
- Check it out!
- Extreme cheddar!
920
00:50:02,685 --> 00:50:05,176
- Hey.
- Extreme cashier!
921
00:50:06,589 --> 00:50:07,681
Somebody should do something.
922
00:50:09,392 --> 00:50:10,791
Yeah, you're right.
923
00:50:10,860 --> 00:50:13,488
Hey, asshole!
Why don't you leave that guy alone
924
00:50:13,563 --> 00:50:15,827
and go jerk off to some
snowboarding videos or something?
925
00:50:19,202 --> 00:50:21,067
I didn't mean you
should do something about it.
926
00:50:32,882 --> 00:50:34,713
What? You're gonna take that?
927
00:50:34,784 --> 00:50:37,651
What's up with that? Huh?
928
00:50:37,720 --> 00:50:39,449
You're gonna take that?
929
00:50:40,890 --> 00:50:41,914
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
930
00:50:41,991 --> 00:50:43,424
- Shit!
- That's right, bitch!
931
00:50:43,493 --> 00:50:45,927
You just try fuckin' with me
one more time!
932
00:50:45,995 --> 00:50:48,555
Just try it!
Thank you, come again.
933
00:50:51,534 --> 00:50:52,592
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
934
00:50:54,137 --> 00:50:56,128
Kumar, you okay?
935
00:50:56,206 --> 00:50:58,231
Yeah, dude,
I just hate those assholes.
936
00:50:58,308 --> 00:51:00,242
You know what? Fuck it, I'm hungry.
Let's just get outta here.
937
00:51:14,724 --> 00:51:17,693
Did Doogie Howser
just steal my fucking car?
938
00:51:21,197 --> 00:51:24,098
Yes. I think he did.
939
00:51:39,983 --> 00:51:42,713
You! You had to pick up
a hitchhiker! Why?!
940
00:51:42,785 --> 00:51:43,774
Calm down.
941
00:51:43,853 --> 00:51:45,286
Why did you leave
the keys in the car?
942
00:51:45,355 --> 00:51:46,913
Why? Because
it would get stolen.
943
00:51:46,990 --> 00:51:49,891
I figured that Neil Patrick Harris
was a trustworthy guy.
944
00:51:49,959 --> 00:51:51,722
Come on. How was I supposed
to know he'd fuck us over?
945
00:51:51,794 --> 00:51:54,627
This whole freaking night,
this whole night, is your fault!
946
00:51:56,466 --> 00:51:59,299
- Where are you going?
- I'm going inside to call the police.
947
00:51:59,369 --> 00:52:01,428
I don't want
to talk to you anymore.
948
00:52:04,174 --> 00:52:06,335
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
949
00:52:06,409 --> 00:52:08,206
There's a pay phone
across the street
950
00:52:08,278 --> 00:52:10,371
if you don't wanna
deal with those assholes.
951
00:52:24,060 --> 00:52:27,791
After we talk to the cops, we're
still going to White Castle, right?
952
00:52:27,864 --> 00:52:30,264
I'm not speaking to you.
953
00:52:30,333 --> 00:52:33,393
When are they fucking going
to develop button technology
954
00:52:33,469 --> 00:52:34,959
that will understand urgency?!
955
00:52:35,038 --> 00:52:38,371
- Dude, this is ridiculous. Just walk across.
- It'll change in a second.
956
00:52:38,441 --> 00:52:40,102
There's not a car in sight.
Just go ahead.
957
00:52:40,176 --> 00:52:43,373
Fine. You want me to cross?
I will cross.
958
00:52:43,446 --> 00:52:45,846
If it makes you happy,
I will cross.
959
00:52:46,883 --> 00:52:47,975
I'll do it.
960
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:54,485
Shit!
961
00:52:54,555 --> 00:52:57,183
- What...
- Sorry.
962
00:53:00,394 --> 00:53:02,954
Is there a problem,
Officer Palumbo?
963
00:53:03,030 --> 00:53:05,225
Is there a problem?
You ever heard of jaywalking?
964
00:53:05,299 --> 00:53:07,062
Yes, I have. I'm really sorry.
Won't happen again.
965
00:53:07,134 --> 00:53:09,159
That's great.
I'm writing you up a ticket.
966
00:53:09,237 --> 00:53:10,636
A ticket?
Are you serious?
967
00:53:10,705 --> 00:53:12,673
Who the fuck are you, shitwad?
968
00:53:12,740 --> 00:53:15,334
Let me apologize
for my friend here. I'm very sorry.
969
00:53:15,409 --> 00:53:17,309
I'm really glad you're here.
We've had a rough night.
970
00:53:17,378 --> 00:53:19,141
You know the show
Doogie Howser M. D.?
971
00:53:19,213 --> 00:53:22,512
Great show.
God, I love that show. "Doogie."
972
00:53:22,583 --> 00:53:25,051
Neil Patrick Harris
stole my car tonight.
973
00:53:25,119 --> 00:53:27,280
Hey, NPH wouldn't do that,
all right?
974
00:53:27,355 --> 00:53:28,686
Give me some I.D.
975
00:53:28,756 --> 00:53:31,088
Excuse me, how can you
give him a ticket for jaywalking?
976
00:53:31,158 --> 00:53:34,650
It's 2:30 in the morning.
There's not a car around here.
977
00:53:34,729 --> 00:53:35,855
Kumar, shut up.
978
00:53:35,930 --> 00:53:37,192
That's not the kind of tone
you want to use
979
00:53:37,265 --> 00:53:38,755
on a cop who can bust your ass.
980
00:53:38,833 --> 00:53:41,427
- Bust my ass?
- Yeah, Koo-mar.
981
00:53:41,502 --> 00:53:44,027
Bust your ass.
982
00:53:44,105 --> 00:53:46,767
What kind of name
is that anyhow? Koo-mar.
983
00:53:46,841 --> 00:53:49,435
What is that,
like, five O's or two U's?
984
00:53:49,510 --> 00:53:51,137
No, it's actually one U.
985
00:53:51,212 --> 00:53:52,702
Yeah, bullshit.
986
00:53:52,780 --> 00:53:56,216
Whatever happened to good old
American names like Dave or Jim?
987
00:53:56,284 --> 00:53:57,911
- Harold.
- Harold.
988
00:53:57,985 --> 00:53:59,646
- Are you kidd...
- Now that's a great name.
989
00:53:59,720 --> 00:54:01,278
- Let me take care of this.
- You should be proud of that name, son.
990
00:54:01,355 --> 00:54:03,050
As you were, ladies.
991
00:54:04,125 --> 00:54:07,253
- $220?! Are you crazy?!
- Kumar, if you don't stop...
992
00:54:07,328 --> 00:54:09,660
No, I understand exactly
what's going on here.
993
00:54:09,730 --> 00:54:12,528
Excuse me, officer, let me
take a couple of guesses.
994
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:14,568
- I'm really sorry...
- Get your hands down!
995
00:54:14,635 --> 00:54:16,865
- Okay, alright.
- No sudden moves. Back it up!
996
00:54:16,938 --> 00:54:19,236
You were probably the big asshole
in your high school, right?
997
00:54:19,307 --> 00:54:20,467
Absolutely right.
998
00:54:20,541 --> 00:54:22,099
Used to pick on guys like us
every day, right?
999
00:54:22,176 --> 00:54:23,234
With pleasure.
1000
00:54:23,311 --> 00:54:25,541
Then graduation day came,
and we went to college,
1001
00:54:25,613 --> 00:54:27,274
and you went nowhere,
and you thought,
1002
00:54:27,348 --> 00:54:29,077
"Hey, how can I
still give them shit?
1003
00:54:29,150 --> 00:54:30,777
I know, I'll become a cop."
1004
00:54:30,851 --> 00:54:33,752
Well, congratu-fuckin'-lations.
Your dream has come true.
1005
00:54:33,821 --> 00:54:35,948
Now, why don't you just take
this quiet little Asian guy
1006
00:54:36,023 --> 00:54:38,150
with the Anglicized name
that treats you so well
1007
00:54:38,225 --> 00:54:39,624
and give him a couple
of other tickets?
1008
00:54:39,694 --> 00:54:41,457
- Better yet, just take him to jail.
- Better idea.
1009
00:54:41,529 --> 00:54:43,497
Why don't you just arrest him?
Does that work out for you okay, Harold?
1010
00:54:43,564 --> 00:54:44,792
- "Great American name, Harold."
- Let's go, Harold.
1011
00:54:44,865 --> 00:54:46,799
Thanks to your buddy,
we're going downtow...
1012
00:54:52,239 --> 00:54:53,570
Oh, shit.
1013
00:54:54,642 --> 00:54:59,272
Well, thank you so much for
being understanding about Bradley.
1014
00:54:59,347 --> 00:55:01,941
I promise you
he won't ever do it again.
1015
00:55:02,016 --> 00:55:03,677
I'm sure he won't.
1016
00:55:04,418 --> 00:55:06,147
Right, Brad?
1017
00:55:06,220 --> 00:55:08,120
Yes, sir,
Officer Palumbo, sir.
1018
00:55:08,189 --> 00:55:12,250
- Mommy, can we go home?
- Get in the car, Bradley Thomas.
1019
00:55:12,326 --> 00:55:13,350
Bye, Brad.
1020
00:55:13,427 --> 00:55:15,452
Are you gonna do
something about my car?
1021
00:55:16,130 --> 00:55:17,495
First our top story.
1022
00:55:17,565 --> 00:55:20,591
The search for the escaped cheetah
continues tonight.
1023
00:55:20,668 --> 00:55:23,660
It was last spotted
in Randolph County. South of...
1024
00:55:24,805 --> 00:55:28,036
- So what are you in here for?
- For being black.
1025
00:55:28,743 --> 00:55:29,732
Seriously.
1026
00:55:30,378 --> 00:55:32,903
I am serious.
You wanna know what happened?
1027
00:55:34,248 --> 00:55:36,739
I was walking
out of a Barnes & Noble,
1028
00:55:36,817 --> 00:55:38,216
and a cop stops me.
1029
00:55:38,285 --> 00:55:41,652
Evidently a black guy
robbed a store in Newark.
1030
00:55:41,722 --> 00:55:45,317
I told him, "I haven't even been
to Newark in months."
1031
00:55:45,393 --> 00:55:47,088
So, he starts beating me
with his gun...
1032
00:55:47,161 --> 00:55:49,459
...telling me to stop resisting arrest.
- Holy shit! What'd you do?
1033
00:55:49,530 --> 00:55:51,794
I kept saying,
"I understand I'm under arrest.
1034
00:55:51,866 --> 00:55:53,959
Now please stop beating me."
1035
00:55:54,035 --> 00:55:56,401
I don't understand how
you can be so calm about all this.
1036
00:55:56,470 --> 00:56:00,497
Look at me.
I'm fat, black, can't dance,
1037
00:56:00,574 --> 00:56:02,201
and I have two gay fathers.
1038
00:56:03,110 --> 00:56:05,943
People have been
messing with me my whole life.
1039
00:56:06,013 --> 00:56:09,779
I learned a long time ago that
there's no sense getting all riled up
1040
00:56:09,850 --> 00:56:12,250
every time a bunch of idiots
give you a hard time.
1041
00:56:12,987 --> 00:56:17,185
In the end, the universe tends
to unfold as it should.
1042
00:56:18,659 --> 00:56:21,059
Plus I have a really large penis.
That keeps me happy.
1043
00:56:22,263 --> 00:56:23,355
Hey, hey, listen up, guys!
1044
00:56:23,431 --> 00:56:24,898
Multiple gunshots
fired in Millbrook Park.
1045
00:56:24,965 --> 00:56:27,160
Finally, some action.
I'm goin'!
1046
00:56:27,234 --> 00:56:29,293
- No, I'm goin'!
- Lock and load!
1047
00:56:37,445 --> 00:56:38,434
That was strange.
1048
00:56:41,782 --> 00:56:43,943
What the hell was that?
1049
00:56:44,018 --> 00:56:46,213
Rold. Is that you?
1050
00:56:46,287 --> 00:56:48,414
- Kumar?
- Are the cops still here?
1051
00:56:48,489 --> 00:56:49,820
What the hell are you doing?
1052
00:56:49,890 --> 00:56:52,415
I just called and made up some story
about a shooting in Millbrook Park.
1053
00:56:52,493 --> 00:56:54,586
- Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for?
- I'm fucking starving.
1054
00:56:54,662 --> 00:56:57,358
I figured I'd bust you out
and we'd go get some burgers.
1055
00:56:57,431 --> 00:56:59,797
Forget it. I'm not getting
into any more trouble.
1056
00:56:59,867 --> 00:57:01,528
I'm already in here because of you.
1057
00:57:01,602 --> 00:57:02,591
Hey, fuck you!
1058
00:57:02,670 --> 00:57:04,968
What did you want me to do,
stand there and take the hit?
1059
00:57:05,039 --> 00:57:06,563
You know I've never
taken a swing at you, ever.
1060
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:07,902
Well, I never got your car stolen.
1061
00:57:07,975 --> 00:57:09,272
- Fine. I'm leaving.
- Fine.
1062
00:57:13,047 --> 00:57:16,915
- Harold, how do I get out of here?
- How the hell should I know?
1063
00:57:16,984 --> 00:57:19,077
Shit! Oh, God, this isn't good.
1064
00:57:26,026 --> 00:57:27,721
My ass!
1065
00:57:31,265 --> 00:57:33,631
Sure you don't want
to get out of here?
1066
00:57:33,701 --> 00:57:35,635
And become a fugitive?
Are you nuts?
1067
00:57:35,703 --> 00:57:38,035
- The guy has all my information.
- So what?
1068
00:57:38,105 --> 00:57:40,005
We'll just take what he
wrote down about you and leave.
1069
00:57:40,074 --> 00:57:41,507
Unless you want to
stay here all night
1070
00:57:41,575 --> 00:57:43,566
and not be able to
turn in your work tomorrow.
1071
00:57:48,048 --> 00:57:49,242
Fine, hurry up.
1072
00:57:49,316 --> 00:57:52,217
Yes! All right,
we gotta find keys.
1073
00:57:52,286 --> 00:57:54,584
Oh, yes!
1074
00:57:54,655 --> 00:57:56,816
Sweet! I was hoping it would
be one of these big ring of keys.
1075
00:57:56,891 --> 00:57:59,325
- Kumar, hurry the fuck up.
- All right, yeah.
1076
00:58:05,833 --> 00:58:07,130
- Yes!
- Dude!
1077
00:58:09,370 --> 00:58:11,998
- Hey, what's that smell?
- What smell?
1078
00:58:12,973 --> 00:58:14,304
Kumar.
1079
00:58:28,122 --> 00:58:32,183
If we still have time.
We might still get by
1080
00:58:32,259 --> 00:58:35,956
Every time I think about it
I wanna cry
1081
00:58:36,030 --> 00:58:39,727
With bombs and the devil.
And the kids keep comin'
1082
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:44,533
No way to breathe easy.
No time to be young
1083
00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:50,672
But I tell myself
that I'm doin' all right
1084
00:58:50,744 --> 00:58:53,804
There's nothin' left
to do at night
1085
00:58:53,881 --> 00:58:56,816
But go crazy on you
1086
00:58:58,152 --> 00:59:01,087
Crazy on you
1087
00:59:01,155 --> 00:59:05,353
Let me go crazy.
Crazy on you
1088
00:59:06,827 --> 00:59:09,853
Crazy on you
1089
00:59:09,930 --> 00:59:13,866
Bitch! Learn how to fuckin'
make coffee, you fuckin' whore!
1090
00:59:13,934 --> 00:59:16,198
Let me go crazy.
Crazy on you
1091
00:59:16,270 --> 00:59:17,828
I love you.
1092
00:59:18,372 --> 00:59:20,067
No, no, no.
1093
00:59:20,875 --> 00:59:22,809
No, baby, come on.
1094
00:59:24,044 --> 00:59:27,036
Hey, Kumar. Kumar!
Where are you...
1095
00:59:27,114 --> 00:59:29,241
Kumar!
Still in jail, asshole!
1096
00:59:29,316 --> 00:59:30,613
Come here!
1097
00:59:34,388 --> 00:59:35,412
Kumar! The cops...
1098
00:59:35,489 --> 00:59:37,423
You thought you'd
get away with it, huh?
1099
00:59:37,491 --> 00:59:40,221
I was in bed.
I didn't fire any gun. I swear.
1100
00:59:41,462 --> 00:59:43,760
Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!
1101
00:59:43,831 --> 00:59:45,890
What are you talking about?
I'm just sitting here.
1102
00:59:45,966 --> 00:59:47,092
He's trying to break free!
Get him!
1103
00:59:47,167 --> 00:59:49,601
- Aw, shit.
- Don't move!
1104
00:59:51,505 --> 00:59:53,769
Stop resisting!
We need backup now!
1105
00:59:53,841 --> 00:59:55,706
- He's got a gun.
- That's not a gun, that's a book.
1106
00:59:55,776 --> 00:59:57,710
- Secure the book!
- Book is secure.
1107
00:59:57,778 --> 01:00:01,509
You bring this filth in here?
What is this shit?
1108
01:00:01,582 --> 01:00:04,107
Wait, wait. We gotta
do something about this.
1109
01:00:04,184 --> 01:00:06,584
We're gonna teach you
how to read now, brother.
1110
01:00:07,221 --> 01:00:09,621
If I were you, I'd leave
as soon as possible.
1111
01:00:09,690 --> 01:00:11,248
- Whose hand is that?
- Thanks, man.
1112
01:00:21,702 --> 01:00:24,569
Jesus Christ.
Thanks for getting me out, man.
1113
01:00:24,638 --> 01:00:28,734
No problem. The burgers wouldn't
taste as good if you weren't there.
1114
01:00:28,809 --> 01:00:30,174
Hey, look at this.
1115
01:00:30,244 --> 01:00:34,010
It's like we went from being
completely poor to being millionaires.
1116
01:00:35,816 --> 01:00:38,114
- What was that?
- Probably just a coyote.
1117
01:00:38,185 --> 01:00:40,085
Aren't people supposed to
be scared of coyotes?
1118
01:00:40,154 --> 01:00:41,644
That's just
'cause they sound scary, man.
1119
01:00:41,722 --> 01:00:44,850
In one-on-one combat, either of us
could take down a coyote, no problem.
1120
01:00:44,925 --> 01:00:46,085
What?
1121
01:00:49,463 --> 01:00:51,192
Now, cheetahs are another story.
1122
01:00:53,901 --> 01:00:55,869
- We're gonna die.
- No, now hold on.
1123
01:00:55,936 --> 01:00:57,403
Cheetahs are used to
eating gazelles and shit.
1124
01:00:57,471 --> 01:00:58,665
They're not known
for eating humans.
1125
01:01:00,274 --> 01:01:02,640
That is a corpse.
We're gonna die.
1126
01:01:02,710 --> 01:01:04,041
Shit!
That's not a good sign.
1127
01:01:04,111 --> 01:01:07,205
Maybe if we just stay really,
really still, he'll just go away.
1128
01:01:07,281 --> 01:01:08,441
Okay.
1129
01:01:09,383 --> 01:01:11,214
Just stay really still.
Don't move, okay?
1130
01:01:11,285 --> 01:01:13,378
Just stay right there.
Very good. Good job.
1131
01:01:13,454 --> 01:01:15,149
This isn't working.
1132
01:01:19,193 --> 01:01:22,219
He's mauling me!
He's mauling me!
1133
01:01:26,233 --> 01:01:29,066
Dude, I told you not
to bring the beef jerky.
1134
01:01:39,546 --> 01:01:41,138
He likes me.
1135
01:01:43,751 --> 01:01:45,981
Hey, Rold, I have an idea.
1136
01:01:47,855 --> 01:01:51,291
- You gotta be kidding me, man.
- Uh-uh.
1137
01:01:56,330 --> 01:01:58,423
This is either a really smart move
1138
01:01:58,499 --> 01:02:01,195
or by far the stupidest thing
that we have ever tried.
1139
01:02:01,268 --> 01:02:03,498
Well, we're about to find out.
1140
01:02:04,605 --> 01:02:05,594
Mush!
1141
01:02:07,341 --> 01:02:08,968
I told you this was...
1142
01:02:18,285 --> 01:02:19,274
Oy vey!
1143
01:02:21,789 --> 01:02:26,089
Dude, am I really high,
or is this actually working?
1144
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,651
- Both!
- This is awesome!
1145
01:02:28,729 --> 01:02:30,822
We're gonna be
at White Castle in no time!
1146
01:02:31,532 --> 01:02:32,931
That was close, huh, Roldy?
1147
01:02:37,971 --> 01:02:41,372
Harold.
I need you, Harold.
1148
01:02:49,616 --> 01:02:51,811
I need you, Harold.
1149
01:02:52,352 --> 01:02:53,944
Come here.
1150
01:02:54,021 --> 01:02:56,387
- Come here, Harold.
- Maria.
1151
01:02:56,457 --> 01:02:58,925
- Come, Harold.
- I'm coming, baby!
1152
01:02:59,827 --> 01:03:02,352
I want you to hold me.
Papi. I need you.
1153
01:03:02,429 --> 01:03:05,262
Baby, I'm a-comin'!
1154
01:03:05,766 --> 01:03:06,755
Not so fast.
1155
01:03:06,834 --> 01:03:08,495
Watch out, watch out
1156
01:03:10,204 --> 01:03:11,569
Come on!
1157
01:03:14,341 --> 01:03:19,643
Bullets... my only weakness.
How did you know?
1158
01:03:19,713 --> 01:03:20,702
Maria
1159
01:03:20,781 --> 01:03:22,271
Harold.
1160
01:03:22,349 --> 01:03:23,680
Maria.
1161
01:03:23,750 --> 01:03:26,514
Maria
1162
01:03:32,459 --> 01:03:34,256
Maria. Maria
1163
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:41,297
Watch out, watch out
1164
01:03:43,871 --> 01:03:45,805
Watch out, watch out
1165
01:03:49,042 --> 01:03:52,011
What the hell
are you doing? God!
1166
01:03:52,079 --> 01:03:53,944
You've been out cold
for the past half-hour.
1167
01:03:54,014 --> 01:03:56,209
I figured maybe if I did
some gay shit you'd wake up.
1168
01:03:56,283 --> 01:03:58,547
If we did some gay shit?
Where are we?
1169
01:03:58,619 --> 01:04:01,520
Didn't we come here on a cheetah?
Where's the cheetah?
1170
01:04:01,588 --> 01:04:03,818
It ran away. Listen, forget
about the cheetah, okay?
1171
01:04:03,891 --> 01:04:06,121
I have some bad news
and some worse news.
1172
01:04:06,193 --> 01:04:08,024
Give me the worse news first.
1173
01:04:08,095 --> 01:04:09,528
I looked at some
of the road signs up there,
1174
01:04:09,596 --> 01:04:11,826
and it looks like the cheetah
took us in the wrong direction.
1175
01:04:11,899 --> 01:04:14,026
- Shit!
- Yeah.
1176
01:04:14,201 --> 01:04:15,725
- Shit!
- Yeah.
1177
01:04:16,803 --> 01:04:18,395
All right, what's the bad news?
1178
01:04:18,472 --> 01:04:20,372
Your laptop's completely destroyed.
1179
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:21,839
What?
1180
01:04:21,909 --> 01:04:25,242
Why didn't...
Why didn't you tell me...
1181
01:04:25,312 --> 01:04:28,042
How is that not
the worse news?
1182
01:04:28,115 --> 01:04:30,083
The laptop situation
really only affects you,
1183
01:04:30,150 --> 01:04:34,086
whereas the White Castle
situation affects both of us equally.
1184
01:04:36,823 --> 01:04:38,848
Oh, no! Oh, no!
1185
01:04:38,926 --> 01:04:41,724
All my work was saved
on this computer.
1186
01:04:41,795 --> 01:04:43,763
Now I gotta go back
to the office and redo it.
1187
01:04:43,830 --> 01:04:44,854
Exactly.
First we'll go to White Castle...
1188
01:04:44,932 --> 01:04:46,957
Forget about White Castle.
There is no time.
1189
01:04:48,001 --> 01:04:49,161
Car.
1190
01:04:55,409 --> 01:04:57,309
Hello. Over here!
1191
01:05:00,047 --> 01:05:01,537
Shit.
1192
01:05:23,470 --> 01:05:24,937
Whoa.
1193
01:05:26,573 --> 01:05:27,665
Yeah. Um...
1194
01:05:28,875 --> 01:05:31,173
All right,
we'll get a pay phone,
1195
01:05:31,245 --> 01:05:33,543
get a cab back
to your office, all right?
1196
01:05:34,781 --> 01:05:36,408
Come on. You all right?
1197
01:05:46,226 --> 01:05:48,251
- Hey, check this out!
- Yeah, nice!
1198
01:05:50,964 --> 01:05:52,397
Hey, Apu!
1199
01:05:52,466 --> 01:05:54,934
Jesus. These guys
are frickin' everywhere.
1200
01:05:55,002 --> 01:05:57,869
Who's looking after
the Kwik-E-Mart while you're gone?
1201
01:05:57,938 --> 01:06:00,236
You two going
to share a curry Slurpee?
1202
01:06:00,307 --> 01:06:01,797
Fucking assholes.
1203
01:06:02,476 --> 01:06:04,740
Dude, check it out.
It's Rosenberg and Goldstein.
1204
01:06:09,783 --> 01:06:11,011
I want that.
1205
01:06:11,084 --> 01:06:12,949
What, a Hot Dog Heaven
super chili cheese dog?
1206
01:06:13,020 --> 01:06:15,784
No. I want that feeling.
1207
01:06:15,856 --> 01:06:18,222
The feeling that comes over a man
1208
01:06:18,292 --> 01:06:20,385
when he gets
exactly what he desires.
1209
01:06:20,460 --> 01:06:22,394
I need that feeling.
1210
01:06:22,462 --> 01:06:24,020
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?
1211
01:06:24,097 --> 01:06:26,361
- We gotta go to White Castle.
- Yes, yes!
1212
01:06:26,433 --> 01:06:28,060
I knew you had it in you, dude.
1213
01:06:29,202 --> 01:06:30,601
Yo, is that Cindy Kim?
1214
01:06:34,374 --> 01:06:37,707
Oh, dude, you should've boned her
when you had the chance, man.
1215
01:06:37,778 --> 01:06:39,609
Check it out.
1216
01:06:43,483 --> 01:06:45,144
Why don't you guys
just leave us alone?
1217
01:06:45,218 --> 01:06:47,049
What are you gonna
do about it, Mr. Miyagi?
1218
01:06:50,324 --> 01:06:51,757
That's extreme, man!
1219
01:06:52,592 --> 01:06:54,685
There's no sense
getting all riled up
1220
01:06:54,761 --> 01:06:57,525
every time a bunch of idiots
give you a hard time.
1221
01:06:57,597 --> 01:07:01,397
The universe tends
to unfold as it should.
1222
01:07:02,969 --> 01:07:03,958
Nothing.
1223
01:07:05,872 --> 01:07:08,067
- Fucking extreme!
- I'm so sick of their bullshit.
1224
01:07:09,676 --> 01:07:13,237
Don't worry. The universe
tends to unfold as it should.
1225
01:07:13,313 --> 01:07:16,009
What is that,
some fortune cookie?
1226
01:07:17,584 --> 01:07:21,281
Hey, I got a plan.
Follow my lead, okay?
1227
01:07:21,355 --> 01:07:23,084
- Your lead?
- Yeah.
1228
01:07:23,156 --> 01:07:24,589
Okay.
1229
01:07:24,658 --> 01:07:27,786
Whoa, what are you doing?
Oh, shit!
1230
01:07:32,199 --> 01:07:33,188
Those pricks!
1231
01:07:33,266 --> 01:07:35,461
- This is your plan?
- It's working, isn't it?
1232
01:07:37,671 --> 01:07:39,832
Come on, come on!
Get 'em, guys!
1233
01:07:39,906 --> 01:07:41,737
- Jerk-offs!
- My truck!
1234
01:07:44,411 --> 01:07:46,470
Thank you, come again.
1235
01:07:51,752 --> 01:07:54,721
Dude, that was so not extreme.
1236
01:07:54,788 --> 01:07:57,222
I know, Extreme Sport Punk
Number One.
1237
01:08:01,027 --> 01:08:02,324
I know.
1238
01:08:02,396 --> 01:08:03,954
Let's find us some tunes, baby.
1239
01:08:04,030 --> 01:08:07,431
"Cole's Extreme Mix, Volume 5"?
What is this shit?
1240
01:08:08,702 --> 01:08:11,933
And I need you now tonight
1241
01:08:12,005 --> 01:08:14,599
Those guys are fuckin' posers.
1242
01:08:15,542 --> 01:08:19,740
And if you'll only hold me tight
1243
01:08:19,813 --> 01:08:24,876
Baby. Baby. The stars
are shining foryou
1244
01:08:24,951 --> 01:08:29,445
And just like me.
I'm sure that they adore you
1245
01:08:29,523 --> 01:08:30,751
Baby. Baby
1246
01:08:30,824 --> 01:08:33,793
Go walking through the forest
1247
01:08:33,860 --> 01:08:36,420
Things'll go your way
1248
01:08:36,496 --> 01:08:38,726
Hold on for one more day
1249
01:08:38,799 --> 01:08:40,926
I know that there is pain
1250
01:08:41,001 --> 01:08:43,162
But you hold on for one more day
1251
01:08:43,236 --> 01:08:47,639
And you break free
from the chains
1252
01:08:48,508 --> 01:08:50,476
Yeah. I know that there is pain
1253
01:08:50,544 --> 01:08:53,104
But you hold on
for one more day
1254
01:08:53,180 --> 01:08:56,308
And you break free
right from the chains
1255
01:08:58,151 --> 01:09:01,314
Someday somebody's gonna
make you wanna turn around
1256
01:09:01,388 --> 01:09:03,481
- And say good-bye
- Say good-bye
1257
01:09:03,557 --> 01:09:04,922
Until then, baby
1258
01:09:04,991 --> 01:09:07,391
Are you gonna let 'em
hold you down and make you cry?
1259
01:09:07,461 --> 01:09:10,487
Don't you know
things can change
1260
01:09:10,564 --> 01:09:11,997
Things'll go your way
1261
01:09:12,065 --> 01:09:16,559
If you hold on for one more day
1262
01:09:16,636 --> 01:09:19,605
Hold on
1263
01:09:23,677 --> 01:09:24,837
Bingo.
1264
01:09:25,178 --> 01:09:28,341
Yeah, dude! Cherry Hill, man.
We're almost there.
1265
01:09:28,415 --> 01:09:29,780
I told you, man!
1266
01:09:29,850 --> 01:09:32,182
I found 'em,
and I'm gonna need backup.
1267
01:09:32,252 --> 01:09:34,447
- Oh, shit.
- Shit.
1268
01:09:34,521 --> 01:09:37,183
Fudge, dude.
Are you kidding me?
1269
01:09:37,858 --> 01:09:41,055
- What the hell are you doing?
- I'm not going back to jail, man.
1270
01:09:41,127 --> 01:09:43,994
We've come too far.
Now buckle up. Buckle up!
1271
01:09:45,732 --> 01:09:47,927
We got a chase on our hands.
1272
01:09:49,402 --> 01:09:51,666
- Ready?
- Yeah. For what?
1273
01:09:51,738 --> 01:09:53,000
Oh, shit!
1274
01:09:55,609 --> 01:09:58,305
- Where the fuck you takin' us?
- Just hold on.
1275
01:10:03,617 --> 01:10:04,914
What the...
1276
01:10:08,889 --> 01:10:11,687
It's a good thing I have an empty
stomach or else I'd puke right now.
1277
01:10:16,396 --> 01:10:17,727
We're gonna make it.
1278
01:10:18,665 --> 01:10:20,599
Everything's gonna be all ri...
1279
01:10:22,702 --> 01:10:24,567
Oh, my God!
1280
01:10:26,039 --> 01:10:27,404
Oh, shit. Holy shit.
1281
01:10:27,474 --> 01:10:29,999
- Put her in reverse. Hurry!
- Shit!
1282
01:10:30,076 --> 01:10:31,941
Let's go out the back.
I'll go first.
1283
01:10:32,012 --> 01:10:34,845
- Don't shake the car!
- Well, hurry up!
1284
01:10:42,455 --> 01:10:43,979
Hey, Roldy, check it out.
1285
01:10:56,570 --> 01:10:58,731
Shit, shit!
We're trapped, man!
1286
01:11:02,375 --> 01:11:05,071
Whoa. Not necessarily.
1287
01:11:06,046 --> 01:11:07,638
No.
1288
01:11:07,714 --> 01:11:10,080
No, not a chance.
I'd rather turn myself in than die.
1289
01:11:10,150 --> 01:11:11,515
No, dude, I know
exactly how to do that.
1290
01:11:11,585 --> 01:11:13,610
I used to do it with my dad
all the time when I was a kid.
1291
01:11:13,687 --> 01:11:16,554
Forget it! I'm not risking my life
over a bunch of hamburgers, man.
1292
01:11:16,623 --> 01:11:18,887
So you think this is
just about the burgers, huh?
1293
01:11:19,793 --> 01:11:23,285
Let me tell you,
it's about far more than that.
1294
01:11:25,131 --> 01:11:27,099
Our parents came to this country,
1295
01:11:27,167 --> 01:11:31,194
escaping persecution,
poverty, and hunger.
1296
01:11:32,038 --> 01:11:33,903
Hunger, Harold.
1297
01:11:33,974 --> 01:11:36,875
They were very, very hungry.
1298
01:11:37,978 --> 01:11:40,674
They wanted to live in a land
that treated them as equals,
1299
01:11:40,747 --> 01:11:42,806
a land filled with hamburger stands.
1300
01:11:42,882 --> 01:11:44,907
And not just
one type of hamburger, okay?
1301
01:11:44,985 --> 01:11:48,580
Hundreds of types with different
sizes, toppings, and condiments.
1302
01:11:50,557 --> 01:11:52,525
That land was America.
1303
01:11:53,159 --> 01:11:56,458
America, Harold! America!
1304
01:11:57,631 --> 01:12:01,294
Now, this is about achieving
what our parents set out for.
1305
01:12:01,368 --> 01:12:04,531
This is about the pursuit
of happiness.
1306
01:12:04,604 --> 01:12:08,540
This night...
is about the American dream.
1307
01:12:15,949 --> 01:12:18,042
Dude, we can stay here,
get arrested,
1308
01:12:18,118 --> 01:12:21,087
and end our hopes of ever
going to White Castle.
1309
01:12:21,154 --> 01:12:24,988
Or we can take that hang glider
and make our leap towards freedom.
1310
01:12:25,058 --> 01:12:27,390
I leave the decision up to you.
1311
01:12:30,196 --> 01:12:31,993
I hate you, Kumar.
1312
01:12:33,500 --> 01:12:35,195
Tilt forward.
1313
01:12:35,268 --> 01:12:36,257
- Roldy.
- What?
1314
01:12:36,336 --> 01:12:38,099
- Don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine.
- All right.
1315
01:12:41,841 --> 01:12:43,468
- Good job, Rold. Keep running.
- Thank you.
1316
01:12:43,543 --> 01:12:46,671
Hey, Roldy, there's something
I forgot to tell you.
1317
01:12:46,746 --> 01:12:48,805
- I've never hang-glided before.
- What?!
1318
01:12:48,882 --> 01:12:50,110
Jump!
1319
01:12:58,558 --> 01:12:59,547
Oh, my God!
1320
01:12:59,626 --> 01:13:01,491
- Dude, it's working!
- Oh, my God!
1321
01:13:01,561 --> 01:13:03,529
Yeah!
1322
01:13:04,164 --> 01:13:05,222
Good news.
1323
01:13:05,298 --> 01:13:07,630
I just found enough dope in the car
1324
01:13:07,701 --> 01:13:11,102
to put these skateboard punks
in jail for the next couple of years.
1325
01:13:13,440 --> 01:13:16,876
- Dude, we're so high right now.
- We're not low.
1326
01:13:24,050 --> 01:13:28,009
All right, I'm bringing her in.
Right, left, left.
1327
01:13:28,088 --> 01:13:29,521
Perfect!
1328
01:13:29,589 --> 01:13:31,784
- Shit!
- Shit!
1329
01:13:43,570 --> 01:13:45,128
God!
1330
01:13:45,205 --> 01:13:46,570
I'm gonna kill you!
1331
01:13:48,074 --> 01:13:49,507
Look!
1332
01:13:59,953 --> 01:14:01,386
We made it, dude.
1333
01:14:19,372 --> 01:14:21,306
Looks like you guys
had some night, huh?
1334
01:14:21,374 --> 01:14:24,639
I want 30 Slyders, 5 French fries,
and 4 large Cherry Cokes.
1335
01:14:24,711 --> 01:14:28,647
I want the same, except
make mine Diet Cokes, Chuck.
1336
01:14:28,715 --> 01:14:32,617
Wow. Well, that comes
to $46.75.
1337
01:14:34,854 --> 01:14:37,846
- Dude, where's my money?
- You don't have money?
1338
01:14:37,924 --> 01:14:39,221
- Dude, are you kidding me?
- No.
1339
01:14:39,292 --> 01:14:41,317
I gave mine
to that asshole at Princeton.
1340
01:14:41,394 --> 01:14:44,522
Fuck! Fuck that hippie fuck!
No! Dude, this isn't happening!
1341
01:14:44,597 --> 01:14:46,258
We didn't make it here,
and now we're broke!
1342
01:14:46,332 --> 01:14:47,594
No, no, no, no!
1343
01:14:47,667 --> 01:14:50,898
Guys, let me pay for it.
It's the least I can do.
1344
01:14:50,970 --> 01:14:52,335
The hell are you doing here?
1345
01:14:52,405 --> 01:14:54,635
You guys kept talking about
White Castle last night so much,
1346
01:14:54,707 --> 01:14:56,004
it made me start to crave it, too.
1347
01:14:56,075 --> 01:14:58,441
- Dude, where's my car?
- Where's his car, dude?
1348
01:14:58,511 --> 01:15:02,003
Yeah, sorry about that.
I told you last night I was tripping balls.
1349
01:15:02,081 --> 01:15:03,605
I don't know what came over me.
1350
01:15:03,683 --> 01:15:06,083
Your car's in the parking lot.
Here are your keys.
1351
01:15:06,152 --> 01:15:08,620
Do you realize what the hell we had to
go through after you took the car?
1352
01:15:08,688 --> 01:15:11,486
Yeah. It was a dick move
on my part.
1353
01:15:11,558 --> 01:15:15,119
That's why I'm paying
for your meal. Prick.
1354
01:15:15,195 --> 01:15:16,594
Thanks, I guess.
1355
01:15:16,663 --> 01:15:21,726
Here's 50 bucks for the burgers
and 200 for the car.
1356
01:15:22,902 --> 01:15:24,199
What happened to my car?
1357
01:15:24,270 --> 01:15:27,467
I made some love stains
in the back seat.
1358
01:15:27,540 --> 01:15:29,269
You'll see.
1359
01:15:31,978 --> 01:15:34,105
Anyway, nice meeting you guys.
I'll catch you later.
1360
01:15:34,647 --> 01:15:35,909
Where are you going?
1361
01:15:37,350 --> 01:15:39,079
Wherever God takes me.
1362
01:15:56,703 --> 01:15:58,568
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
1363
01:15:58,638 --> 01:15:59,662
Let's do this together.
1364
01:16:36,910 --> 01:16:38,502
Damn, that hit the spot.
1365
01:16:38,578 --> 01:16:41,547
- That was the best meal of my life.
- Mine, too.
1366
01:16:41,614 --> 01:16:43,172
You know what, dude?
1367
01:16:43,249 --> 01:16:45,547
I think I may actually go
to my interview today.
1368
01:16:45,618 --> 01:16:46,710
Are you serious?
1369
01:16:46,786 --> 01:16:48,276
You know, my whole life
I've just been scared
1370
01:16:48,354 --> 01:16:50,481
of being one of those nerdy
Indian guys turned doctor,
1371
01:16:50,556 --> 01:16:52,114
but tonight got me thinking.
1372
01:16:52,191 --> 01:16:54,421
There are far worse things
in this world than being tapped
1373
01:16:54,494 --> 01:16:56,655
for having a natural
ability in medicine.
1374
01:16:56,729 --> 01:16:59,357
Chick magnet. Chick magnet
1375
01:16:59,432 --> 01:17:02,458
Plus, how cool was that,
saving that dude's life last night?
1376
01:17:02,535 --> 01:17:06,437
It was somewhere between that,
getting yelled at by my dad,
1377
01:17:06,506 --> 01:17:07,495
and seeing Neil Patrick Harris
1378
01:17:07,573 --> 01:17:09,040
that I realized that I've
always wanted to be a doctor
1379
01:17:09,108 --> 01:17:11,133
but I've just been too scared
to admit it to myself.
1380
01:17:11,210 --> 01:17:13,508
- Billy, you paying for this?
- Yeah, I'll be there...
1381
01:17:13,579 --> 01:17:15,137
Good, 'cause if he wasn't,
you would.
1382
01:17:15,214 --> 01:17:18,047
Are you listening to me, Roldy?
I'm having a major epiphany here.
1383
01:17:18,117 --> 01:17:19,778
I'll be right back.
1384
01:17:19,852 --> 01:17:21,581
You're unlike any other woman
I've ever met.
1385
01:17:21,654 --> 01:17:24,145
What the fuck is going on here?
1386
01:17:25,024 --> 01:17:27,993
Harold?
What happened to you, man?
1387
01:17:28,061 --> 01:17:30,222
Never mind me.
What the fuck are you doing here?
1388
01:17:30,296 --> 01:17:32,457
I thought you and J.D.
Were busy all night with clients.
1389
01:17:32,532 --> 01:17:33,897
Isn't that why
I had to do your work?
1390
01:17:33,967 --> 01:17:36,197
- Henry, what the hell's going on?
- Back off, cock boy.
1391
01:17:36,269 --> 01:17:38,066
What I said to him
goes double for you.
1392
01:17:38,137 --> 01:17:40,037
- Did you just call me cock boy?
- Yeah, you know I did.
1393
01:17:40,106 --> 01:17:41,095
You're just stalling
1394
01:17:41,174 --> 01:17:43,108
because you're not quick
enough to think of a comeback.
1395
01:17:43,176 --> 01:17:45,110
You think I'm not quick enough.
Guy thinks I'm not quick enough.
1396
01:17:45,178 --> 01:17:47,942
Well, I've got news for you.
I am quick enough...
1397
01:17:51,351 --> 01:17:52,716
...cock boy!
1398
01:17:55,121 --> 01:17:56,679
Listen, Harold, I'm really sorry.
1399
01:17:56,756 --> 01:17:59,122
Don't bother with him. We'll take it up
with Berenson tomorrow.
1400
01:17:59,192 --> 01:18:00,955
What are you
gonna tell Berenson?
1401
01:18:01,027 --> 01:18:03,086
That I'm your workhorse?
1402
01:18:03,162 --> 01:18:05,892
That you guys think
you can party all weekend,
1403
01:18:05,965 --> 01:18:08,024
leave the work to
the quiet Asian guy in the office?
1404
01:18:08,101 --> 01:18:11,332
- No, you don't understand.
- No, you don't understand.
1405
01:18:11,404 --> 01:18:14,737
I'm not doing
your work for you anymore.
1406
01:18:14,807 --> 01:18:17,002
And if either one
of you douche bags
1407
01:18:17,076 --> 01:18:19,101
ever tries to pull
this shit again,
1408
01:18:19,178 --> 01:18:20,611
I'll go to Berenson myself.
1409
01:18:20,680 --> 01:18:22,648
I'll tell him what's really going on.
1410
01:18:22,715 --> 01:18:24,376
And I'll tell the whole office
1411
01:18:24,450 --> 01:18:27,908
how you both caught gonorrhea
from that prostitute in Atlantic City.
1412
01:18:29,188 --> 01:18:31,850
If you'll excuse me, boys,
I gotta get going. Kumar.
1413
01:18:33,393 --> 01:18:35,623
See you boys
at the office on Monday.
1414
01:18:35,695 --> 01:18:37,026
Excuse me.
1415
01:18:43,903 --> 01:18:46,872
Dude, that was awesome!
Where the hell did that come from?
1416
01:18:46,939 --> 01:18:47,928
I don't know.
1417
01:18:48,007 --> 01:18:51,033
Eating those delicious burgers
made me feel like a new man.
1418
01:18:51,110 --> 01:18:52,134
You know what?
1419
01:18:52,211 --> 01:18:54,008
Now I'm actually looking forward
to going to work this week.
1420
01:18:54,080 --> 01:18:57,538
No shit. You know,
you might be worthwhile after all.
1421
01:18:57,617 --> 01:18:59,084
I'm not worthless.
1422
01:18:59,152 --> 01:19:02,519
Hey, so those dudes
really have gonorrhea?
1423
01:19:02,588 --> 01:19:03,850
Beats me.
1424
01:19:05,858 --> 01:19:07,189
Hey.
1425
01:19:08,094 --> 01:19:10,153
- Let's get going.
- What's the rush, dude?
1426
01:19:10,229 --> 01:19:11,890
I don't have my interview
for a couple of hours.
1427
01:19:11,964 --> 01:19:14,228
I got some unfinished business
to take care of.
1428
01:19:14,300 --> 01:19:16,097
I thought those guys
were gonna do the work.
1429
01:19:16,169 --> 01:19:18,603
No, unfinished business.
1430
01:19:18,671 --> 01:19:20,866
- Maria.
- Still not following you.
1431
01:19:20,940 --> 01:19:21,929
Get in!
1432
01:19:28,581 --> 01:19:30,014
So you don't even have a plan.
1433
01:19:30,083 --> 01:19:33,211
Dude, I got love
on my side, man.
1434
01:19:33,286 --> 01:19:34,446
Trust me.
1435
01:19:34,520 --> 01:19:38,479
When I see Maria, I'm gonna
know exactly what to say.
1436
01:19:43,529 --> 01:19:44,962
- Hey.
- Hey.
1437
01:19:45,031 --> 01:19:47,898
It looks like you guys
have had some night.
1438
01:19:51,871 --> 01:19:55,500
Shit. You know what?
I left my lighter in your car.
1439
01:19:55,575 --> 01:19:57,440
Do me a favor and run down
and get it for me, please?
1440
01:19:57,510 --> 01:19:59,171
I gotta urinate.
1441
01:20:19,732 --> 01:20:22,132
You sure got a lot of baggage.
1442
01:20:33,880 --> 01:20:35,313
Maria, wait.
1443
01:20:35,381 --> 01:20:37,508
I know this is gonna seem
completely out of the blue,
1444
01:20:37,583 --> 01:20:40,643
and I know you don't know me
very well... or, um, at all.
1445
01:20:40,720 --> 01:20:42,585
But let me tell you
the best part of my day is.
1446
01:20:42,655 --> 01:20:45,146
I come home from work
and I walk through this lobby,
1447
01:20:45,224 --> 01:20:47,283
and on days that I'm lucky enough,
1448
01:20:47,360 --> 01:20:50,625
I spend ten seconds
in this elevator with you.
1449
01:20:50,696 --> 01:20:52,789
I had the craziest night
of my life tonight,
1450
01:20:52,865 --> 01:20:56,028
and I guess I learned that
if you want something or someone,
1451
01:20:56,102 --> 01:20:57,330
you have to go for it.
1452
01:20:59,505 --> 01:21:01,905
And if Liane can
marry a guy like Freakshow
1453
01:21:01,974 --> 01:21:04,704
and I can hang-glide
and I can ride a cheetah,
1454
01:21:04,777 --> 01:21:06,335
then I guess...
1455
01:21:07,346 --> 01:21:08,335
Oh, fuck it.
1456
01:21:08,414 --> 01:21:12,407
Girl, I'm spendin' my dimes
1457
01:21:12,485 --> 01:21:14,817
Give me a minute.
This is crazy.
1458
01:21:14,887 --> 01:21:16,946
- That was... I'm sorry.
- I don't even know you.
1459
01:21:17,023 --> 01:21:19,514
I had White Castle,
so I'm a little dizzy.
1460
01:21:19,592 --> 01:21:22,220
- We don't ever speak.
- We don't talk, so that was inappropriate.
1461
01:21:22,295 --> 01:21:23,557
Oh, fuck it.
1462
01:21:23,629 --> 01:21:26,427
I wanna get next to you
1463
01:21:29,869 --> 01:21:34,203
I wanna get next to you
1464
01:21:37,210 --> 01:21:38,199
Okay.
1465
01:21:39,946 --> 01:21:41,914
Now you just have to work
on your timing.
1466
01:21:41,981 --> 01:21:43,915
- Where are you going?
- Amsterdam.
1467
01:21:43,983 --> 01:21:47,146
I'll be back in ten days.
But I'll see you when I get back?
1468
01:21:47,220 --> 01:21:49,415
Yeah, let's do that.
1469
01:21:56,062 --> 01:21:57,552
Bye, Harold.
1470
01:22:00,099 --> 01:22:01,964
Bye. Bye.
I'll see you later.
1471
01:22:03,302 --> 01:22:05,236
- She touch your penis?
- What?
1472
01:22:05,304 --> 01:22:06,931
What happened?
1473
01:22:07,006 --> 01:22:11,443
Nothing much, really.
Just a little kiss action.
1474
01:22:11,510 --> 01:22:13,137
Nice. Nice!
1475
01:22:13,212 --> 01:22:15,772
Yeah. She's going to Amsterdam.
She'll be back in ten days.
1476
01:22:15,848 --> 01:22:17,679
We gotta go.
1477
01:22:17,750 --> 01:22:19,308
- Where?
- Amsterdam, man.
1478
01:22:19,385 --> 01:22:20,784
- We gotta get our bags packed...
- Amsterdam?
1479
01:22:20,853 --> 01:22:22,878
...and frickin' take the next flight out.
1480
01:22:22,955 --> 01:22:25,048
Are you freaking out of your mind?
What about your interview?
1481
01:22:25,124 --> 01:22:27,115
Dude, whatever.
I'll tell my dad to reschedule it.
1482
01:22:27,193 --> 01:22:30,026
He won't have a problem as long as
I take it seriously for a change.
1483
01:22:30,096 --> 01:22:32,963
We gotta freakin' go to Europe
and find Maria.
1484
01:22:33,032 --> 01:22:35,091
Dude, she's coming back
in ten days.
1485
01:22:35,167 --> 01:22:36,828
It's not like I'm never
gonna see her again.
1486
01:22:36,902 --> 01:22:38,130
Listen, for a hot chick,
1487
01:22:38,204 --> 01:22:40,172
ten days in Europe
can be the kiss of death, okay?
1488
01:22:40,239 --> 01:22:43,333
She's gonna have all these suave,
sophisticated guys all over her.
1489
01:22:43,409 --> 01:22:45,377
When she gets back,
she may not be available.
1490
01:22:45,444 --> 01:22:47,912
Forget it. I'll see her
when she comes back.
1491
01:22:47,980 --> 01:22:49,174
Hey, Roldy.
1492
01:22:50,716 --> 01:22:53,776
You do realize what's legal
in Amsterdam, don't you?
1493
01:22:56,355 --> 01:22:57,549
Oh, yeah.
1494
01:23:04,697 --> 01:23:07,461
In today's headlines,
Rutgers professor Tarik Jackson
1495
01:23:07,533 --> 01:23:10,366
and attorney Nathaniel Banks are
suing the state of New Jersey
1496
01:23:10,436 --> 01:23:12,961
for racial discrimination
and police brutality.
1497
01:23:13,039 --> 01:23:15,473
My family and I are outraged
1498
01:23:15,541 --> 01:23:17,975
and will settle for
nothing less than justice.
1499
01:23:18,044 --> 01:23:21,980
I still trust and love
all white people, all of them.
1500
01:23:22,782 --> 01:23:24,807
And Asians.
And Asians.
1501
01:23:24,884 --> 01:23:26,613
And a few Mexicans as well.
1502
01:23:26,686 --> 01:23:29,154
Several of the officers
suspected of brutality
1503
01:23:29,221 --> 01:23:31,519
were taken into custody
earlier this morning.
1504
01:23:31,590 --> 01:23:33,683
Run away, you mother...
1505
01:23:33,759 --> 01:23:37,593
No black mother... gonna get away
with this, so... all y'all.
1506
01:23:37,663 --> 01:23:39,255
You can suck my...
1507
01:23:39,332 --> 01:23:40,924
Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey,
1508
01:23:41,000 --> 01:23:42,991
have just arrested
a gang of hooligans
1509
01:23:43,069 --> 01:23:45,936
who are suspected of terrorizing
numerous strip malls
1510
01:23:46,005 --> 01:23:47,165
and convenience stores.
1511
01:23:47,239 --> 01:23:49,605
Officer Thurmond Brucks
found their abandoned car,
1512
01:23:49,675 --> 01:23:52,508
which contained a large bag
of marijuana.
1513
01:23:52,578 --> 01:23:54,876
And in other news,
the Muckleburg Police Department
1514
01:23:54,947 --> 01:23:56,744
are still looking for a fugitive
1515
01:23:56,816 --> 01:23:58,716
who escaped
from the police station last night
1516
01:23:58,784 --> 01:24:01,480
with a companion
believed to be his accomplice.
1517
01:24:01,554 --> 01:24:03,749
Police have released
sketches of the two fugitives
1518
01:24:03,823 --> 01:24:06,917
which they believe
to be extremely accurate.
1519
01:24:10,796 --> 01:24:11,990
Nice!