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Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention please.
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Welcome to the newest,
the greatest...
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the most spectacular
show in entertainment history.
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Put your hands together for
the fabulous Feebles Variety Hour!
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~ Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles... ~
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~ We're not average ordinary people. ~
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~ Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles. ~
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~ Animal acts
and other attractions. ~
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~ Bring me a pussy
and I show you some action. ~
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~ I'm a contortionist. ~
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~ A modernist.
An hippopotamus. ~
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~ Be sure we guarantee
to amuse you. ~
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~ Wait to meet the Feebles. ~
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~ Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles. ~
15
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~ We're not average ordinary people. ~
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00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:10,323
~ Meet the Feebles,
Meet the Feebles. ~
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And now...
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here's...
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Harry.
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Yipeee! Ha ha!
Hi, folks!
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Welcome to the Feebles
Variety Hour.
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Oh boy, what a line-up
we've got for you tonight.
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But first, give a huge reception
to our very own Venus...
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that gorgeous hunk
of hippo-hood, Heidi!
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~ I'm Heidi, hi! ~
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~ I love you all. ~
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~ You're as pretty as me,
but I'm the star. ~
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~ I put on my best,
my talents are huge. ~
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~ We've got a show... ~
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~ but it's about to start
to meet the Feebles. ~
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~ Meet the Feebles. ~
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~ We're not average
ordinary people. ~
33
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~ Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles. ~
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All right you fat slag,
move your ass!
35
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How dare you speak to me like that,
you horrible, spiteful little rat!
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I've heard better singing from
a mongoose with throat cancer.
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I won't stand for this treatment
any longer.
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I'm an artiste.
I demand respect.
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Artiste, that's a good one.
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That's it!
I've had enough!
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- I'm going straight to Bletch.
- You do that darling.
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What is going on over there?
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Heidi, where are you going?
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Have you upset her again?
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You know what happens
when she gets into a tizz.
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The old cow's had it too good
for too long.
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Like it or not, Trevor,
she's the star of the show.
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There's no Feebles without Heidi.
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Come on everybody.
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We're going out live
in twelve hours.
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Heaven forbid injecting
some urgency into this occasion...
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but for God's sake
get a move on!
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Have a good rehearsal, Miss Heidi.
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Bleeetch!
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Oh, shit!
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I was just about
to pop my cookies!
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Sorry, Heidi, I was just
finishing off some paperwork.
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Trevor's been insulting me.
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Why, that foul-mouthed little rodent.
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I'll give him a good talking to.
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If it happens again,
I shan't perform.
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There there Heidi,
don't upset yourself.
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Do I smell perfume?
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You're imagining things
my sweet.
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Now you go and rest up.
Big night tonight.
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Come to my room later on?
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I'll try.
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Oh God!
Women!
69
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When are you going to dump
that huckery moll?
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Huckery moll she may be,
but she's also our major drawcard.
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Show some guts, Bletch!
Get rid of her!
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- God, wouldn't like to!
- I'm not waiting around for ever.
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Don't worry, honey.
I'm working on it.
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Excuse me, please.
I wonder if you can help me.
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I've a letter here requesting me
to report to the stage manager.
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I'm busy.
Ask somebody else.
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Oh, well, no... you see...
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Excuse me, sir.
I wonder if you can help.
79
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I've a letter here asking me
to report to the stage manager.
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I don't know man.
81
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It's been a hell of a day.
82
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I can feel a migraine coming on.
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I need a paracetamol.
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Up here!
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New boy are you?
Looking for Arthur?
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Is he the stage manager?
87
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That's what he calls himself.
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You'll never find him.
I'll take you there.
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Thank you very much.
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I had an audition six months ago
and I've just got the confirmation...
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of my acceptance
into the Feeble Chorus.
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I tell you what, kiddo.
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It's not that crash hot.
94
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They run you ragged
and they pay's lousy.
95
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I'm not worried about the pay.
96
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It's an honour just to get a chance...
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to perform in the show.
98
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I've been an admirer
of the Feebles for such a long time.
99
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Yeah?
100
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You'll find it pretty tough
on the wages they dish out.
101
00:06:21,712 --> 00:06:24,942
But if you ever want to earn
a little extra on the side...
102
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I'm always interested
in little stories...
103
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anything spicy
or even smutty.
104
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Hey Arthur!
There's a new boy to see you.
105
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There's more filth here
than in the city sewers.
106
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And I pay good money
for the right info.
107
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Here you go, kid.
Don't hesitate to get in touch.
108
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You must be Robert.
I've been expecting you.
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Pleased to meet you sir.
110
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Just call me Arthur.
111
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Here you don't want that, son.
112
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He's a non-good muckraker
from the gutter press.
113
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Got nothing better to do
than make up lies...
114
00:07:02,984 --> 00:07:05,857
and nasty stories about the cast.
115
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Ooh!
116
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That's Miss Heidi.
You'll have heard of her.
117
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I certainly have.
She's my favourite star.
118
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Excuse me, girls.
119
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Can I have your attention
for a minute?
120
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I'd like to introduce you all
to a new member of the chorus.
121
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I'm sure you'll do your best to make
him feel a part of the Feeble family.
122
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Come on, say hello Robert.
Don't be bashful.
123
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Oh, isn't he handsome?
124
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What a lovely set of quills!
125
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That's Lucille.
126
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She's just joined the chorus
as well.
127
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You two should get together
sometime.
128
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Is it true that long quills
are a sign of virility?
129
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Now look what you've done!
130
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You've gone and got him
all embarrassed.
131
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Come on Robert old son.
Uncurl, there's a good boy.
132
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I think he fancies you, Lucy.
133
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Yes, it's true love all right.
134
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See the way he looked at you.
135
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Stop it!
He's just an old hedgehog!
136
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Get up your knees!
Put your head up!
137
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Don't forget to breath!
138
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~ Funny little sandhopper
basking in the sun... ~
139
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~ dancing and a-hopping
having lots of fun. ~
140
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~ Bit of sand landed
in that hopper's eye. ~
141
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~ Little sandhopper said,
"My oh my"... ~
142
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~ I get one leg missing... ~
143
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~ one leg missing... ~
144
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~ I get one leg missing... ~
145
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~ How do I get around? ~
146
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~ Shiny shiny fishy
in the ocean blue. ~
147
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~ Swam into a sewage pipe,
pooh, pooh, pooh. ~
148
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~ Said "I'm in the shit,
better take a dive". ~
149
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~ Stuck his head out of the water
and began to jive. ~
150
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:04,295
~ I got one leg missing... ~
151
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:06,814
~ one leg missing... ~
152
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,975
~ I got one leg missing... ~
153
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~ How do I get around? ~
154
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~ All right! ~
155
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What are you doing here,
pincushion?
156
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I was just watching the chorus.
157
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- You're the new boy, aren't you?
- Yes, I am.
158
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I just started today.
I'm Robert.
159
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:37,447
You may be Robert to your friends,
but you're fly shit to me.
160
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Piss off!
161
00:09:40,811 --> 00:09:41,811
Yes, sir.
162
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Goddamn prickleback!
163
00:09:50,368 --> 00:09:51,766
~ I got one leg missing... ~
164
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~ I got one leg missing... ~
165
00:09:54,286 --> 00:09:57,244
~ I got one leg missing. ~
166
00:09:57,365 --> 00:09:58,434
~ How do I get around? ~
167
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:02,079
That Lucille's got
a cute tush.
168
00:10:02,204 --> 00:10:06,082
I wouldn't mind giving her
a poke with the old pork sword.
169
00:10:06,563 --> 00:10:07,829
~ I get one leg missing. ~
170
00:10:07,929 --> 00:10:09,071
~ How do I get around? ~
171
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:22,188
Trevor, please,
I need it, man.
172
00:10:22,598 --> 00:10:24,235
I need it.
173
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,426
I told you before,
it's coming.
174
00:10:26,556 --> 00:10:30,150
Yeah, but...
I got the shakes something bad.
175
00:10:30,275 --> 00:10:33,823
If I don't get a fix,
I won't be able to perform.
176
00:10:33,954 --> 00:10:35,785
Listen, it'll be here, all right?
177
00:10:35,914 --> 00:10:37,426
Stop bothering me.
178
00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:38,952
I can pay for it.
179
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:42,305
Thanks froggy.
This'll cover what you owe me.
180
00:10:42,432 --> 00:10:44,069
But that's all I've got!
181
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:48,628
Well, you'd better find
another fifty bucks before six.
182
00:10:48,750 --> 00:10:50,740
That's all I've got!
183
00:11:07,384 --> 00:11:09,135
Thank you everybody.
184
00:11:09,263 --> 00:11:11,651
You've all mutilated
that number rather nicely.
185
00:11:11,902 --> 00:11:14,329
We'll have another shot at it
at two thirty...
186
00:11:14,429 --> 00:11:16,332
and perhaps put it out
of its misery.
187
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,849
Excuse me, Mr. Bletch.
188
00:11:22,459 --> 00:11:23,456
Sir...
189
00:11:23,556 --> 00:11:25,813
If I could have a minute
of your time.
190
00:11:25,938 --> 00:11:28,132
I've been waiting to see you
all day.
191
00:11:28,257 --> 00:11:31,407
I've got a smashing little routine
I think will go down a treat.
192
00:11:31,536 --> 00:11:33,731
So, you want to join the Feebles?
193
00:11:33,856 --> 00:11:35,493
Oh, rather!
194
00:11:35,615 --> 00:11:39,653
Ok son, I'll give you one minute.
Impress me.
195
00:11:41,413 --> 00:11:43,802
It's one of my own compositions.
196
00:11:43,972 --> 00:11:48,123
It's called:
"Glad to Be a Guppy".
197
00:11:49,771 --> 00:11:53,479
~ I'm a fishy little fellow
with a scaly sort of skin... ~
198
00:11:53,610 --> 00:11:56,248
~ and I frolic in the shadows
when the tide is coming in. ~
199
00:11:57,448 --> 00:11:59,757
Is something the matter,
Mr. Bletch?
200
00:11:59,888 --> 00:12:02,924
I think I've got a cavity
in a rear molar.
201
00:12:03,047 --> 00:12:05,241
Would you mind
having a look for me?
202
00:12:05,366 --> 00:12:06,593
Oh, Certainly.
203
00:12:07,365 --> 00:12:10,913
It's right at the back.
204
00:12:11,044 --> 00:12:13,511
Oh, it's awful dark in here!
205
00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:22,078
Went down a treat, all right.
Heh, heh!
206
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,918
Hello, Lucille.
207
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,035
You may not remember me.
208
00:12:28,159 --> 00:12:30,752
My name is Robert
and I'd just like to say that...
209
00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:33,471
you're the most pretty girl
I've ever met.
210
00:12:33,597 --> 00:12:37,987
I was wondering if you would like
to go to the movies tomorrow night.
211
00:12:38,116 --> 00:12:39,514
Those flowers are for you!
212
00:12:41,515 --> 00:12:44,233
Maybe I should give her
the flowers first.
213
00:12:45,393 --> 00:12:48,941
Gorblimey!
The poor little blighter's smitten!
214
00:12:51,152 --> 00:12:54,905
Hi, these flowers are for you.
They are white roses.
215
00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:56,862
I hope you like them.
216
00:12:57,030 --> 00:12:59,493
You may not remember me,
but my name is Robert.
217
00:12:59,593 --> 00:13:01,943
I was wondering if you'd like
to go to the movies.
218
00:13:02,068 --> 00:13:05,696
I tried on the lace camisole
and it fitted perfectly.
219
00:13:08,186 --> 00:13:10,177
Hi, my name is...
movies...
220
00:13:10,346 --> 00:13:12,984
I'd like to Robert you with...
221
00:13:13,785 --> 00:13:18,903
Here Rob old son.
Come on in for a cup of tea.
222
00:13:25,181 --> 00:13:27,774
When are we due on the course?
223
00:13:28,060 --> 00:13:31,847
One o'clock sharp.
It's all arranged.
224
00:13:34,418 --> 00:13:36,568
How's your handicap, Barry?
225
00:13:36,738 --> 00:13:40,695
She's at home baking a cake, boss.
226
00:14:07,328 --> 00:14:08,355
Heavens, Heidi!
227
00:14:08,455 --> 00:14:11,041
You haven't been exercising,
have you?
228
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:14,363
All that excess flab must put
a terrible strain on your heart.
229
00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:18,963
If you're referring to my muscle tone,
it's never been better.
230
00:14:19,084 --> 00:14:21,882
You must have awful trouble
buying clothes.
231
00:14:22,004 --> 00:14:25,439
Still, at your age I suppose
you might as well let your figure go.
232
00:14:25,682 --> 00:14:29,151
How dare you insult me, you,
you cheap pussy?
233
00:14:30,361 --> 00:14:32,828
You shuddering great herbivore!
234
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,110
No wonder Bletch can't stand
the sight of you!
235
00:14:35,239 --> 00:14:37,195
You're lying!
He loves me!
236
00:14:37,319 --> 00:14:39,354
- He detests you!
- That's not true!
237
00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:42,071
You bore him to tears and
you're awful in bed.
238
00:14:43,157 --> 00:14:46,114
It's me he wants.
He can't get enough of me.
239
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:47,276
Liar!
240
00:14:47,476 --> 00:14:49,147
If you weren't so stupid...
241
00:14:49,315 --> 00:14:51,908
you'd know we've been
having an affair for months.
242
00:14:52,114 --> 00:14:56,823
You liar!
You liar!
243
00:14:57,793 --> 00:14:59,544
Hey, good one!
You showed her!
244
00:15:03,751 --> 00:15:06,787
Right, Robbie.
Now you got everything I told you.
245
00:15:06,910 --> 00:15:10,742
She's in there now,
so you give it your best shot.
246
00:15:11,228 --> 00:15:13,980
Are you sure that this is a good
idea?
247
00:15:14,107 --> 00:15:16,940
She'll love it.
248
00:15:24,984 --> 00:15:33,139
~ You are my amour, what I adore.
Oh Lucille! ~
249
00:15:34,421 --> 00:15:42,656
~ This is the way that I must say
how my heart feels! ~
250
00:15:42,779 --> 00:15:47,134
~ Oh, Lucille!
Oh, Lucille! ~
251
00:15:47,257 --> 00:15:50,726
~ Oohh, Luc... ciii! ~
252
00:15:54,175 --> 00:15:57,564
Keep going, keep going!
It's magic!
253
00:16:02,373 --> 00:16:05,569
~ Under the light
of the Spanish moon... ~
254
00:16:05,691 --> 00:16:11,003
~ it's for love that I croon this tune,
Lucille... ~
255
00:16:11,130 --> 00:16:12,847
~ Lucille... ~
256
00:16:13,049 --> 00:16:16,643
~ Lucille... ~
257
00:16:20,767 --> 00:16:24,554
I'm terribly sorry.
You must think I'm an idiot.
258
00:16:24,926 --> 00:16:26,722
I should never have done this.
259
00:16:27,325 --> 00:16:30,521
I promise you,
I shan't ever bother you again.
260
00:16:30,644 --> 00:16:32,474
Robert... wait!
261
00:16:33,483 --> 00:16:35,916
How did you know
I love flamenco?
262
00:16:38,281 --> 00:16:43,400
That were beautiful,
just beautiful.
263
00:16:53,677 --> 00:16:55,632
Oh, God!
264
00:16:55,796 --> 00:16:57,831
How did you get in?
265
00:16:59,555 --> 00:17:02,751
Oh, no!
Not the cold cream!
266
00:17:02,874 --> 00:17:07,821
I told you guys before,
stay out of my room!
267
00:17:13,670 --> 00:17:15,228
Stay out!
268
00:17:25,227 --> 00:17:26,579
Flipping heck!
269
00:17:34,264 --> 00:17:38,734
What am I going to do now?
270
00:17:38,983 --> 00:17:42,099
It took me six months
to train that lot.
271
00:17:49,099 --> 00:17:52,374
Not a bad little meat pattie.
272
00:17:59,696 --> 00:18:01,414
Good shot, boss!
273
00:18:03,575 --> 00:18:05,565
Your shot, Cedric!
274
00:18:21,889 --> 00:18:24,323
O thought I told you
to wipe my clubs.
275
00:18:31,246 --> 00:18:33,965
Take that you bastard!
276
00:18:42,443 --> 00:18:43,443
Shit!
277
00:18:45,322 --> 00:18:47,994
I'm on form today!
278
00:18:49,441 --> 00:18:51,237
It's a lovely course.
279
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,959
I'm tempted to join
the club myself.
280
00:18:54,079 --> 00:18:56,434
No chance of that,
I'm afraid, Cedric.
281
00:18:56,599 --> 00:18:58,953
You mean they discriminate
against Scots?
282
00:18:59,198 --> 00:19:02,189
No, we just don't like assholes
in the clubhouse.
283
00:19:02,877 --> 00:19:07,107
Sid, it's really decent of you
to have me in for a lager...
284
00:19:07,835 --> 00:19:11,144
after today's little mishap.
285
00:19:11,554 --> 00:19:14,113
No hard feelings Arthur.
286
00:19:14,233 --> 00:19:16,144
It's just my bad luck.
287
00:19:16,432 --> 00:19:19,151
This sort of thing is
always happening to me.
288
00:19:19,711 --> 00:19:23,259
Did I tell you Sanyd's slapping
a paternity suit on me?
289
00:19:23,390 --> 00:19:24,390
Is that right?
290
00:19:24,510 --> 00:19:28,024
Yeah, she reckons that kid
she dropped is mine.
291
00:19:28,149 --> 00:19:29,979
I'd like to see her prove it, though.
292
00:19:30,108 --> 00:19:32,178
She's slept with half the chorus.
293
00:19:32,308 --> 00:19:33,422
Has he?
294
00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:35,737
She hasn't slept with me.
295
00:19:36,146 --> 00:19:39,262
Oh, no.
I wasn't suggesting anything.
296
00:19:39,385 --> 00:19:43,855
Like you're a mate, Arthur.
I know I can trust you.
297
00:19:44,304 --> 00:19:47,420
Oh, Christ,
here she comes now.
298
00:19:53,421 --> 00:19:57,044
Sidney, the date's been
set down as the 16th.
299
00:19:57,144 --> 00:20:00,654
If you don't appear in court,
it'll be held over until the 21st...
300
00:20:00,779 --> 00:20:04,407
at which time you'll be compelled
to provide a blood sample.
301
00:20:05,297 --> 00:20:08,925
Sandy, why did you bring it here?
It's not mine!
302
00:20:09,056 --> 00:20:11,410
You know it's not!
303
00:20:11,535 --> 00:20:14,651
We'll let the court decide that,
shall we?
304
00:20:23,732 --> 00:20:26,245
It's got your eyes, Sid.
305
00:20:53,442 --> 00:20:56,990
~ You want a slice of the action
but you're not acting... ~
306
00:20:58,681 --> 00:21:03,195
~ You want a slice of the action
but you don't want to pay the price... ~
307
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:09,148
~ You're going to end up in traction
if you don't take my advice. ~
308
00:21:09,278 --> 00:21:11,745
~ You want a piece of the pie... ~
309
00:21:11,877 --> 00:21:13,912
~ but you don't want
to share with me... ~
310
00:21:15,636 --> 00:21:17,353
~ You want a piece of that pie... ~
311
00:21:17,475 --> 00:21:19,749
~ but you'll never get
nothing for free. ~
312
00:21:21,074 --> 00:21:22,984
~ You better watch what you say... ~
313
00:21:23,113 --> 00:21:25,229
~ 'cause that ain't my recipe. ~
314
00:21:26,512 --> 00:21:28,979
~ I'm hip to your lip... ~
315
00:21:29,151 --> 00:21:30,584
~ you'll see... ~
316
00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:35,664
~ You're just a low-down snake
with a two-time repartee. ~
317
00:21:37,949 --> 00:21:42,020
~ I'm hip to your jive,
but it don't sound hip to me. ~
318
00:21:45,506 --> 00:21:48,224
Say, who is that dame?
319
00:21:48,425 --> 00:21:52,099
That's Heidi.
Ain't she something?
320
00:21:52,224 --> 00:21:56,853
She's only been here a week
and already she's packing the joint.
321
00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:59,098
With a voice like that
she's going to go places!
322
00:21:59,942 --> 00:22:03,570
~ You want a hot potato,
but baby you're just too cold. ~
323
00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:09,178
~ You want a hot potato
to go with your sausage roll. ~
324
00:22:10,739 --> 00:22:14,332
~ Don't look at me baby,
I'm much too hot to hold. ~
325
00:22:16,217 --> 00:22:19,014
~ I'm hip to your lip... ~
326
00:22:19,136 --> 00:22:20,285
~ you'll see... ~
327
00:22:21,815 --> 00:22:23,567
Yeah!
328
00:22:25,254 --> 00:22:27,084
Thank you!
329
00:22:28,653 --> 00:22:31,803
From the gentleman
with the red carnation.
330
00:22:34,211 --> 00:22:36,281
So, you're from the East?
331
00:22:36,411 --> 00:22:38,878
I hear they've got some
great swamps out that way.
332
00:22:39,010 --> 00:22:42,126
What's a cute young think like you
doing in the big smoke?
333
00:22:42,489 --> 00:22:45,995
I'm not so young.
In two years I'll be eighteen.
334
00:22:46,095 --> 00:22:48,806
Really?
But you're so well developed...
335
00:22:49,487 --> 00:22:51,238
Vocally, I mean.
336
00:22:51,366 --> 00:22:54,357
My singing teachers said
I've enormous lung power.
337
00:22:54,485 --> 00:22:57,078
I like your style, Heidi.
338
00:22:57,524 --> 00:23:00,117
- Really?
- You've got a lot of class.
339
00:23:00,243 --> 00:23:02,074
But that sometimes ain't enough.
340
00:23:02,203 --> 00:23:04,921
I seen a lot of girls like you
ruined in this town.
341
00:23:05,042 --> 00:23:07,077
You need to make
the right connections,,,
342
00:23:07,201 --> 00:23:08,714
and that's where I can help.
343
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:12,152
Are you a producer?
344
00:23:12,279 --> 00:23:16,829
I am to be the best goddam producer
this town has ever seen.
345
00:23:16,958 --> 00:23:19,073
I got the contacts,
I got the capital...
346
00:23:19,197 --> 00:23:21,586
what I need is what you got:
347
00:23:21,717 --> 00:23:23,195
Talent!
348
00:23:23,516 --> 00:23:27,110
Heidi, I want to manage you.
349
00:23:27,995 --> 00:23:29,063
But...
350
00:23:29,514 --> 00:23:31,822
I don't even know who you are!
351
00:23:31,993 --> 00:23:35,223
They call me Bletch!
352
00:23:36,512 --> 00:23:41,027
Bletch!
What a lovely name!
353
00:23:41,990 --> 00:23:43,708
Tell me Heidi...
354
00:23:43,830 --> 00:23:47,708
do those lips kiss as good
as they sing?
355
00:23:52,547 --> 00:23:53,946
Bletch!
356
00:24:09,702 --> 00:24:11,976
Very nice, Mr. Bletch.
357
00:24:12,101 --> 00:24:15,888
Perhaps you'd like to inspect
my range of clubs.
358
00:24:25,217 --> 00:24:27,855
It's good gear,
I can assure you.
359
00:24:27,976 --> 00:24:29,694
O that I have no doubts.
360
00:24:29,815 --> 00:24:31,328
It's good stuff boss.
361
00:24:32,175 --> 00:24:33,812
When can we expect delivery?
362
00:24:33,974 --> 00:24:36,885
Meet Louie in the alleyway
at six.
363
00:24:46,610 --> 00:24:49,442
Sorry.
A touch of the ptomaine.
364
00:24:56,527 --> 00:24:59,916
It must be all this fresh air.
It gives me hay fever.
365
00:25:04,245 --> 00:25:06,758
Bad luck old chap!
366
00:25:16,041 --> 00:25:17,360
What the?
367
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:19,753
My apologies Cedric!
368
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,029
I had a bone stuck in my throat.
369
00:25:22,559 --> 00:25:24,436
My game, I think.
370
00:25:24,758 --> 00:25:25,952
Shit!
371
00:25:26,238 --> 00:25:33,950
Did I pass the audition,
Mr. Bletch?
372
00:25:35,995 --> 00:25:40,385
Oh, harder Harry, oh!
373
00:25:40,514 --> 00:25:42,788
Oh, yes, yes, oh!
374
00:25:42,913 --> 00:25:44,028
Harry!
375
00:25:45,832 --> 00:25:49,187
All those carrots
make me good in the dark.
376
00:25:49,311 --> 00:25:51,824
But it feels so good!
377
00:25:51,990 --> 00:25:54,867
They don't call it "bunnylingus"
for nothing, sweetheart.
378
00:25:54,989 --> 00:25:57,661
What about me?
Are you going to service me too?
379
00:25:57,788 --> 00:26:00,347
Sure, climb on up and
I'll give you a valve grind.
380
00:26:01,987 --> 00:26:04,136
Hey!
Hold on a moment!
381
00:26:04,466 --> 00:26:05,979
What's going on?
I can't see.
382
00:26:08,225 --> 00:26:09,624
Goddamn pervert!
383
00:26:09,745 --> 00:26:10,938
Who was it, Harry?
384
00:26:11,064 --> 00:26:13,531
Just a little creep
with a bad case of jizm pressure.
385
00:26:13,663 --> 00:26:15,938
How's your jizm pressure,
Harry?
386
00:26:16,063 --> 00:26:18,132
I can feel it coming on.
387
00:26:18,262 --> 00:26:21,492
Oh, boy,
it's going to be a gusher!
388
00:26:26,459 --> 00:26:29,019
Oh, no!
389
00:26:29,179 --> 00:26:33,329
No, no!
390
00:26:36,456 --> 00:26:39,094
No, help!
391
00:26:39,295 --> 00:26:40,648
Take that!
392
00:26:42,694 --> 00:26:45,003
Oh, no!
393
00:26:45,773 --> 00:26:47,843
Take that, you bitch!
394
00:26:48,453 --> 00:26:51,966
I beg you, please now stop it!
395
00:26:52,091 --> 00:26:53,809
Call me "sir", slut!
396
00:26:53,931 --> 00:26:54,928
Ow!
397
00:26:55,028 --> 00:27:00,242
Leave her alone!
Are you all right, madam?
398
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:02,928
Cut!
399
00:27:03,768 --> 00:27:05,166
Jesus Christ!
400
00:27:05,287 --> 00:27:09,074
You've a nasty habit of sticking
your nose in where it's not wanted.
401
00:27:09,286 --> 00:27:11,242
I'm sorry.
402
00:27:11,365 --> 00:27:14,595
You ruined my take, kid.
I never do two takes!
403
00:27:15,084 --> 00:27:17,200
I didn't know it was a film.
404
00:27:17,404 --> 00:27:19,598
Hurry it up,
I'm freezing!
405
00:27:20,083 --> 00:27:23,870
I'm sorry for interrupting.
I won't disturb you any longer.
406
00:27:24,561 --> 00:27:26,626
We'll skip the whipping.
407
00:27:26,726 --> 00:27:28,039
Let's move on to the blowjob.
408
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,878
Where's the Masked Masochist?
409
00:27:31,599 --> 00:27:33,982
Oh Christ that's all I need!
410
00:27:34,082 --> 00:27:35,147
He's carked!
411
00:27:35,278 --> 00:27:38,349
Didn't you realise
you were sitting on his face?
412
00:27:38,557 --> 00:27:42,344
I felt a bit uncomfortable, but
I thought it was my haemorrhoids.
413
00:27:42,476 --> 00:27:45,831
What the hell, maybe I can sell it
as a snuff movie.
414
00:27:54,312 --> 00:27:56,303
You'll have to find a substitute.
415
00:27:56,432 --> 00:27:58,228
I don't do self abuse.
416
00:27:59,551 --> 00:28:03,940
No sorries, Daisy.
I know just the guy.
417
00:28:21,104 --> 00:28:25,016
What do you know!
It's Dennis on a smelly minge binge.
418
00:28:25,143 --> 00:28:28,532
Oh gosh! I was just looking
for the soap powder.
419
00:28:28,662 --> 00:28:31,539
Sure, Dennis.
Have a whiff of these.
420
00:28:31,661 --> 00:28:34,936
They've got
a real distinctive bouquet.
421
00:28:37,819 --> 00:28:40,457
Dennis,
we've got a little job for you.
422
00:29:22,045 --> 00:29:25,480
Oh my god!
Next!
423
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,466
All right everybody,
from the top!
424
00:29:41,566 --> 00:29:42,594
Music, please!
425
00:30:26,345 --> 00:30:27,342
For Chrissake!
426
00:30:27,442 --> 00:30:30,416
What the hell was wrong
with that?
427
00:30:30,544 --> 00:30:33,615
Who is holding
that red pennant?
428
00:30:36,702 --> 00:30:37,851
Me sir.
429
00:30:37,982 --> 00:30:40,700
And what on earth do you think
you're doing?
430
00:30:40,821 --> 00:30:42,776
I'm patrolling the moat, sir.
431
00:30:42,940 --> 00:30:45,931
Patrolling the moat?
I see.
432
00:30:46,459 --> 00:30:50,212
You were instructed to stay
upstage left.
433
00:30:50,378 --> 00:30:53,653
Italian pennant bearers of
the XVII century were frequently...
434
00:30:53,777 --> 00:30:57,529
known to patrol the rampart
on the lookout for Turkish invaders.
435
00:30:57,655 --> 00:30:59,566
How very elucidating.
436
00:30:59,775 --> 00:31:01,651
I've been reading up on it, sir.
437
00:31:01,774 --> 00:31:03,483
My drama teacher at school
said...
438
00:31:03,583 --> 00:31:05,848
I should always research
a role thoroughly.
439
00:31:05,973 --> 00:31:08,167
Really?
Let me tell you something.
440
00:31:08,292 --> 00:31:10,805
This is a television variety show...
441
00:31:10,931 --> 00:31:13,445
not a homage to Soviet Realism!
442
00:31:13,571 --> 00:31:15,800
I asked for a pennant,
not a pedant!
443
00:31:16,130 --> 00:31:18,199
All right, again!
From the top!
444
00:31:28,366 --> 00:31:29,366
Excuse me!
445
00:31:29,726 --> 00:31:30,726
Stop!
446
00:31:30,845 --> 00:31:31,880
Shit!
447
00:31:32,005 --> 00:31:33,198
Oh, God!
448
00:31:33,324 --> 00:31:34,324
What is it?
449
00:31:34,884 --> 00:31:38,842
It's just I'm having trouble
with my motivation.
450
00:31:39,443 --> 00:31:41,906
I don't understand
why I would remain still...
451
00:31:42,006 --> 00:31:45,277
when the scene itself suggests
vigorous physical action...
452
00:31:45,561 --> 00:31:46,709
danger even.
453
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:49,717
I suppose you'd like everyone
to stop singing...
454
00:31:49,919 --> 00:31:53,115
while you come forward to do
a little war dance centre stage.
455
00:31:53,238 --> 00:31:54,235
Is that it?
456
00:31:54,335 --> 00:31:56,114
Well, it had crossed my mind!
457
00:31:56,237 --> 00:31:57,590
My god!
458
00:31:57,717 --> 00:32:00,223
Sorry guy, I hate to interrupt,
but I don't think...
459
00:32:00,323 --> 00:32:03,113
the knife thrower's assistant
is going to pull through.
460
00:32:03,515 --> 00:32:05,869
Shall I cancel Winyard's act
entirely?
461
00:32:06,154 --> 00:32:07,712
I think not.
462
00:32:07,994 --> 00:32:10,666
I've got just the substitute.
463
00:32:15,871 --> 00:32:18,430
"Dennis Does Daisy!
Take 1.
464
00:32:18,550 --> 00:32:20,302
Dennis, drop your strides.
465
00:32:21,789 --> 00:32:23,905
Come on, come on,
the camera's rolling.
466
00:32:24,029 --> 00:32:25,825
Oh for Chrissake!
467
00:32:29,027 --> 00:32:30,824
Is that the best you can do?
468
00:32:30,947 --> 00:32:32,584
Trevor do something about this guy!
469
00:32:32,706 --> 00:32:34,025
Come on, get aroused!
470
00:32:34,705 --> 00:32:35,702
I can't.
471
00:32:35,802 --> 00:32:38,582
Well, I'm not doing anything
until he cracks a fat.
472
00:32:38,704 --> 00:32:40,820
What's the matter?
Doesn't she turn you on?
473
00:32:41,863 --> 00:32:45,298
Here you go.
Will these help?
474
00:32:45,582 --> 00:32:48,141
Oh god, not another panty-sniffer!
475
00:32:48,261 --> 00:32:50,774
He's going to want me
to piss in his mouth next.
476
00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:52,538
Ok kid, do your stuff.
477
00:32:53,859 --> 00:32:56,692
Oh yes!
Yes! ¡
478
00:32:57,298 --> 00:33:00,210
Oh, God!
It's terrible!
479
00:33:00,337 --> 00:33:03,249
I feel terrible!
What's happening to me?
480
00:33:03,377 --> 00:33:06,129
What's the matter, Harry?
Not feeling too well?
481
00:33:06,616 --> 00:33:08,526
What?
Who said that?
482
00:33:08,695 --> 00:33:10,403
It's all those last nights.
483
00:33:10,503 --> 00:33:13,167
Maybe you're not getting
enough vitamins.
484
00:33:15,413 --> 00:33:17,642
Care to join me for lunch?
485
00:33:22,091 --> 00:33:26,207
Hmm, carrots!
It's not one of yours, is it Harry?
486
00:33:26,409 --> 00:33:27,842
You are sick!
487
00:33:27,969 --> 00:33:30,277
No, Harry.
I think you are.
488
00:33:30,448 --> 00:33:32,404
Give me the rundown
on your symptoms.
489
00:33:32,528 --> 00:33:36,280
I ain't got nothing,
you shit-eating journo.
490
00:33:36,406 --> 00:33:39,522
You can't suppress the media,
Harry.
491
00:33:42,205 --> 00:33:45,912
Come on, you can tell me,
I'll be very discreet.
492
00:33:46,043 --> 00:33:49,000
I'm as fit as a fiddle.
I feel fantastic.
493
00:33:49,122 --> 00:33:51,033
And I'm sick and tired of your...
494
00:33:51,162 --> 00:33:52,310
Hold it right there!
495
00:33:52,441 --> 00:33:54,426
"I'm tired and I'm sick",
says Harry...
496
00:33:54,526 --> 00:33:56,988
the Hare star of
the Feebles Variety Hour.
497
00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:59,509
Sounds like the germs
of a good story.
498
00:33:59,679 --> 00:34:01,714
Leave me alone!
499
00:34:01,838 --> 00:34:03,317
You can't hide the truth.
500
00:34:03,438 --> 00:34:06,509
Whatever you've got, I'll find it out
or I'll make it up.
501
00:34:11,116 --> 00:34:14,232
This is going to be a great scoop!
502
00:34:17,514 --> 00:34:20,311
Jesus Trevor,
have you got the stuff?
503
00:34:20,433 --> 00:34:21,990
I'm hanging out, man.
504
00:34:22,152 --> 00:34:24,824
I'll get you the money tomorrow,
I promise.
505
00:34:24,991 --> 00:34:27,107
Hello, my name's Robert.
506
00:34:27,271 --> 00:34:30,501
- Are you the new supplier?
- I've been sent by the director...
507
00:34:30,630 --> 00:34:33,063
to assist you in your
knife-throwing routine.
508
00:34:34,348 --> 00:34:36,987
- Oh, shit!
- I wondered if you'd like to practice.
509
00:34:37,188 --> 00:34:40,418
No, I don't know, man,
I really don't know.
510
00:34:40,546 --> 00:34:43,106
It's not such a hot idea.
511
00:34:44,185 --> 00:34:47,096
- Have you got any smack?
- Smack?
512
00:34:47,224 --> 00:34:49,943
Horse, liquid sky,
skag...
513
00:34:50,064 --> 00:34:52,861
snow, coke, crack,
methadone...
514
00:34:52,983 --> 00:34:54,301
benzedrine, pinkies, San Ped...
515
00:34:54,462 --> 00:34:56,330
Morning Glory, nutmeg,
blue meanies...
516
00:34:56,430 --> 00:34:58,776
aspirin, Ados, paracetamol...
517
00:34:59,301 --> 00:35:01,211
Vicks Vapour Rub?
518
00:35:03,579 --> 00:35:06,809
Oh, you don't happen to be
an asthmatic by any chance?
519
00:35:07,978 --> 00:35:10,093
Could I borrow your huffer?
520
00:35:10,217 --> 00:35:11,366
I don't take drugs of any sort.
521
00:35:11,497 --> 00:35:14,135
I don't believe it's right
to abuse your body like that.
522
00:35:14,256 --> 00:35:16,723
Oh, that's easy for you to say.
523
00:35:17,135 --> 00:35:19,409
You haven't been to hell and back.
524
00:35:19,534 --> 00:35:21,092
- Eh?
- Nam!
525
00:35:21,214 --> 00:35:24,842
- You've been to Vietnam?
- I saw the worst of it, kid.
526
00:35:28,692 --> 00:35:32,081
Tet Offensive 1968.
527
00:35:32,850 --> 00:35:35,409
Charlie had our backs
against the wall!
528
00:35:35,689 --> 00:35:37,759
There were six of us.
529
00:35:37,969 --> 00:35:39,686
No, there were five of us.
530
00:35:41,648 --> 00:35:46,436
Every gook north of Saigon
was drawing a bead on us.
531
00:36:03,601 --> 00:36:06,239
Winyard!
Cover me!
532
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,714
Jim! ¡Jim!
533
00:36:21,915 --> 00:36:23,870
Thanks Jim, I owe you one!
534
00:36:23,994 --> 00:36:27,463
I wasn't about to see my best buddy
peppered with Charlie's lead.
535
00:36:32,192 --> 00:36:34,102
Three weeks later...
536
00:36:34,231 --> 00:36:37,859
we were on a routine patrol
north of Tai Pang.
537
00:36:38,310 --> 00:36:40,379
Charlie was close...
538
00:36:40,589 --> 00:36:44,547
so close
you could almost smell him.
539
00:36:56,664 --> 00:36:58,063
Where's Eightball?
540
00:36:58,424 --> 00:36:59,981
We better go back and look for him.
541
00:37:09,740 --> 00:37:11,537
Eightball!
Thank God!
542
00:37:11,660 --> 00:37:14,253
We thought the gooks
had got you, Eightball.
543
00:37:18,218 --> 00:37:21,846
Drop your weapons and put your hands up
revisionist running dogs.
544
00:37:29,374 --> 00:37:32,809
In the days that followed
I wished a thousand times...
545
00:37:32,933 --> 00:37:36,208
that it was my head
on that stake.
546
00:37:36,332 --> 00:37:41,200
Re-education time
for fascist imperialists.
547
00:37:44,649 --> 00:37:46,241
You... read...
548
00:37:46,969 --> 00:37:48,924
You... read.
549
00:37:49,928 --> 00:37:53,158
I can't see, you bastards!
550
00:38:04,363 --> 00:38:07,241
We didn't see Chuck for two days.
551
00:38:07,362 --> 00:38:09,318
We thought he was a goner.
552
00:38:09,522 --> 00:38:13,275
But then on the third night
they brought him back to us.
553
00:38:18,359 --> 00:38:21,748
The bastards had taken his legs.
554
00:38:24,917 --> 00:38:28,067
I still say that private enterprise...
555
00:38:28,196 --> 00:38:31,153
is acceptable
at a village level...
556
00:38:31,275 --> 00:38:34,425
providing it is strictly controlled
by the party.
557
00:38:35,194 --> 00:38:40,061
We must not let petty
bourgeois aspirations...
558
00:38:40,192 --> 00:38:43,263
taint socialist pedagogy.
559
00:38:43,711 --> 00:38:48,022
Reform is the enemy
of revolution.
560
00:38:50,549 --> 00:38:54,223
The one hadn't finished with us yet.
561
00:38:54,348 --> 00:38:58,784
Their twisted communist minds
had devised one last torture.
562
00:39:34,336 --> 00:39:36,849
As I stared down
the muzzle of that gun...
563
00:39:36,975 --> 00:39:39,647
I thought of Chuck and Eightball...
564
00:39:39,814 --> 00:39:42,122
and the thousands of others
who had perished...
565
00:39:42,253 --> 00:39:45,562
in that godforsaken wilderness.
566
00:39:46,492 --> 00:39:49,051
I was not afraid to join them.
567
00:40:01,047 --> 00:40:02,526
Let's go out of here!
568
00:40:14,203 --> 00:40:15,238
Help me!
569
00:40:18,922 --> 00:40:20,991
Come on buddy, help me up!
570
00:40:22,561 --> 00:40:25,677
Winyard! Winyard!
Don't leave me!
571
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:27,869
Please!
Dear god-no!
572
00:40:42,434 --> 00:40:46,392
It was six months before
I got out that Saigon hospital.
573
00:40:46,553 --> 00:40:51,068
By then I was hooked
on every barbiturate known to man.
574
00:40:51,192 --> 00:40:53,421
Gosh!
What an awful time you've had!
575
00:40:53,551 --> 00:40:54,779
Hey kid...
576
00:40:54,911 --> 00:40:59,221
you want to express your sympathy
in some kind of material away?
577
00:40:59,469 --> 00:41:00,868
How can I do that?
578
00:41:00,989 --> 00:41:02,819
Vietnam Vets Association.
579
00:41:03,468 --> 00:41:06,061
We're badly under-funded.
580
00:41:10,866 --> 00:41:13,857
Minimum donation fifty bucks.
581
00:41:17,624 --> 00:41:18,942
Thanks, kid.
582
00:41:19,143 --> 00:41:21,656
The Association was in bad need...
583
00:41:21,782 --> 00:41:23,852
of a cash injection.
584
00:41:28,580 --> 00:41:31,935
Ooh! Ooh!
What an organ!
585
00:41:37,777 --> 00:41:41,769
Do you really think people
are interested in nasal sex?
586
00:41:41,896 --> 00:41:44,887
Sure boss.
It's the latest fad.
587
00:41:45,015 --> 00:41:46,164
You got a title?
588
00:41:46,295 --> 00:41:49,286
I thought:
"Dennis Does Daisy".
589
00:41:49,414 --> 00:41:50,971
Nah, that's lousy.
590
00:41:51,093 --> 00:41:54,129
Well how about:
591
00:41:55,212 --> 00:41:56,565
"Anal Antics"?
592
00:41:56,691 --> 00:41:58,010
Not bad.
593
00:41:58,131 --> 00:41:59,769
It's got a certain ring to it.
594
00:41:59,891 --> 00:42:02,688
It'll appeal to the intellectuals.
595
00:42:02,930 --> 00:42:05,318
Do you think it'll do as well as
our last release...
596
00:42:05,449 --> 00:42:07,200
and win the Hooker Prize?
597
00:42:09,528 --> 00:42:12,166
You know I'm worried
about Madame Bovine.
598
00:42:12,287 --> 00:42:14,800
We've lost money on
her last two pictures.
599
00:42:14,926 --> 00:42:17,155
You want her replaced, boss?
600
00:42:17,285 --> 00:42:20,117
I think the public are tired
of big udders.
601
00:42:20,244 --> 00:42:22,996
Find someone young and petite.
602
00:42:26,482 --> 00:42:29,234
Sure thing, boss.
603
00:42:30,801 --> 00:42:32,313
Bring on the next act!
604
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,194
It's the contortionist,
Arbee Bargwan.
605
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,958
I told him he wasn't needed
for half an hour.
606
00:42:38,079 --> 00:42:39,636
He'll be meditating.
607
00:42:39,758 --> 00:42:42,351
Well you'll just have
to interrupt him, won't you?
608
00:42:43,397 --> 00:42:46,115
Never mind.
I'll get him myself.
609
00:42:52,074 --> 00:42:55,782
Arbee darling,
I hate to intrude upon nirvana...
610
00:42:55,913 --> 00:42:57,744
but you're needed on stage.
611
00:42:58,033 --> 00:43:02,183
Please don't interrupt me.
I am travelling on the astral plane.
612
00:43:03,951 --> 00:43:06,537
Perhaps you could change
your flight plan...
613
00:43:06,637 --> 00:43:09,223
and grace us mere mortals
with your presence.
614
00:43:09,349 --> 00:43:11,816
I'm impervious to your cynicism.
615
00:43:11,948 --> 00:43:14,666
Listen to me,
you double-jointed freak!
616
00:43:14,787 --> 00:43:17,176
If you're not on stage
in five minutes...
617
00:43:17,307 --> 00:43:20,775
you can consider yourself permanently
disembodied from the show.
618
00:43:21,585 --> 00:43:22,813
Hey!
619
00:43:51,376 --> 00:43:54,094
Oh good gracious, Harry!
620
00:43:54,295 --> 00:43:56,569
Somebody call a doctor!
621
00:43:57,054 --> 00:43:59,124
How are we feeling, Harry?
622
00:43:59,573 --> 00:44:03,724
I feel real bad, Doc.
What have I got.
623
00:44:03,852 --> 00:44:07,400
I'll do some tests,
but I don't hold out much hope.
624
00:44:07,531 --> 00:44:10,761
There's only one disease
that fits these symptoms.
625
00:44:10,890 --> 00:44:12,527
It's the big one, Harry.
626
00:44:12,649 --> 00:44:14,446
No!
Not the big one!
627
00:44:14,569 --> 00:44:17,036
I'll have to notify
the health authorities.
628
00:44:17,168 --> 00:44:19,275
They'll want a list of
your sexual partners...
629
00:44:19,375 --> 00:44:22,006
for the last twelve months.
630
00:44:22,126 --> 00:44:24,242
It can't be true!
It can't be!
631
00:44:24,406 --> 00:44:26,316
I've taken precautions!
632
00:44:27,125 --> 00:44:29,674
Ah, tell me Doc...
633
00:44:29,774 --> 00:44:31,958
how long have I got?
634
00:44:32,083 --> 00:44:33,755
It's difficult to tell...
635
00:44:33,963 --> 00:44:36,396
but with a case
as advanced as yours...
636
00:44:36,522 --> 00:44:38,796
ten,
maybe twelve...
637
00:44:38,921 --> 00:44:41,071
- Months?
- Hours.
638
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,192
I'm sorry, Harry.
639
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:46,916
Doc, can you do me
one favour
640
00:44:47,039 --> 00:44:49,393
Sure Harry, shoot.
641
00:44:49,518 --> 00:44:53,715
Don't tell anyone.
Let me do the show tonight.
642
00:44:53,837 --> 00:44:55,315
OK Harry.
643
00:44:55,516 --> 00:44:59,747
I want to go out
with my reputation intact.
644
00:45:01,914 --> 00:45:04,222
Fat chance Harry!
645
00:45:05,953 --> 00:45:08,625
All right then Arbee,
thrill me!
646
00:45:16,270 --> 00:45:17,861
Hippy shit!
647
00:45:41,462 --> 00:45:46,170
Sorry Guv.
Should I start again?
648
00:45:46,300 --> 00:45:48,177
Move on, move on.
649
00:46:10,093 --> 00:46:11,572
Oh dear!
650
00:46:12,452 --> 00:46:14,204
Are you all right up there?
651
00:46:14,332 --> 00:46:17,960
I seem to have stuck
my head up rectum.
652
00:46:21,170 --> 00:46:24,479
You mean it's not part of your act?
Pity.
653
00:46:24,609 --> 00:46:26,917
We could call it:
"Passage to India".
654
00:46:27,728 --> 00:46:29,763
Come on, come on, uncontort!
655
00:46:30,247 --> 00:46:32,077
Somebody help him!
656
00:46:32,206 --> 00:46:35,197
It's no good Guv,
he's stuck fast.
657
00:46:36,485 --> 00:46:40,443
I am in need of assistance here,
please.
658
00:46:40,644 --> 00:46:44,476
Oh god, this is it!
This is the last straw!
659
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:54,559
Bletch!
660
00:46:54,659 --> 00:46:55,933
We've got to talk!
661
00:46:56,579 --> 00:46:58,136
We've got a crisis on our hands!
662
00:46:58,818 --> 00:47:00,887
Winyard's killed his assistant.
663
00:47:01,017 --> 00:47:02,336
Arbee's out of action...
664
00:47:02,457 --> 00:47:05,016
Sid's routine is
a complete write-off!
665
00:47:05,296 --> 00:47:09,208
We've got no alternative but
to reinstate my song!
666
00:47:09,335 --> 00:47:10,327
No!
667
00:47:10,427 --> 00:47:11,443
Bletch, I'm sorry...
668
00:47:11,574 --> 00:47:13,928
but the show is
in a shambles!
669
00:47:14,053 --> 00:47:16,161
This is a family show,
for Chrissake!
670
00:47:16,261 --> 00:47:18,208
The network would never allow it.
671
00:47:18,332 --> 00:47:20,635
But it's a superb piece of song
and dance...
672
00:47:20,735 --> 00:47:23,039
It'll go down fabulously
with the public.
673
00:47:23,210 --> 00:47:25,405
I demand it be included!
674
00:47:25,770 --> 00:47:29,283
Keep your filthy paws
off my furniture!
675
00:47:30,048 --> 00:47:32,039
We've got a wonderful new
interpretation.
676
00:47:32,168 --> 00:47:35,000
It sort of goes like this.
Watch.
677
00:47:35,966 --> 00:47:38,241
The chorus come sin stage left...
678
00:47:39,943 --> 00:47:42,236
and there's a lovely little bit
with a piano...
679
00:47:42,366 --> 00:47:44,626
and that's where I come in
from upstage.
680
00:47:44,739 --> 00:47:46,414
And I sort of pirouette...
681
00:47:46,593 --> 00:47:48,723
and the strings are swirling
around me...
682
00:47:48,837 --> 00:47:49,783
and if you can imagine...
683
00:47:49,883 --> 00:47:52,170
and the cellos re coming in
and it's just...
684
00:47:54,088 --> 00:47:57,096
And I leap across la la!
685
00:48:00,088 --> 00:48:02,510
I say, Bletch,
put me down!
686
00:48:03,177 --> 00:48:06,819
I've had just about enough
of your goddamn compositions.
687
00:48:06,997 --> 00:48:11,485
Now get back on the stage
and do your job!
688
00:48:13,956 --> 00:48:16,818
It's your loss, Philistine!
689
00:48:17,143 --> 00:48:18,167
Faggot!
690
00:48:28,101 --> 00:48:32,442
Good morning, Frau Heidi!
What will it be today?
691
00:48:33,613 --> 00:48:36,734
Just one of those tiny truffles,
please.
692
00:48:39,527 --> 00:48:41,437
This one...
693
00:49:19,998 --> 00:49:22,193
Will that be all, Frau Heidi?
694
00:49:22,307 --> 00:49:24,469
Something to take away, maybe?
695
00:49:26,583 --> 00:49:28,729
The black forest cherry cake?
696
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:38,829
Hi Harry!
Just doing a bit of undercover work.
697
00:49:38,956 --> 00:49:41,420
Heh!
That rash on your groin...
698
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:42,709
Looks pretty ugly...
699
00:49:42,835 --> 00:49:45,302
and don't taste too good neither.
700
00:49:45,492 --> 00:49:48,188
Get out of my bed, you parasite!
701
00:49:48,313 --> 00:49:50,827
Hold it right here, Harry.
That's great!
702
00:49:54,352 --> 00:49:56,206
Me nuts!
703
00:49:59,214 --> 00:50:01,989
I was sorry to hear
about your fatal disease.
704
00:50:02,109 --> 00:50:03,462
Do you have any comments?
705
00:50:03,589 --> 00:50:04,907
It's a slander,
it's libel!
706
00:50:05,028 --> 00:50:09,197
I have no fatal disease!
I'm perfectly healthy!
707
00:50:09,507 --> 00:50:12,942
Let me just see what
Dr. Quack had to say.
708
00:50:13,066 --> 00:50:14,066
Quote:
709
00:50:15,277 --> 00:50:18,336
"There's only one disease
that fits these symptoms.
710
00:50:18,464 --> 00:50:20,333
It's the big one, Harry."
711
00:50:20,433 --> 00:50:21,538
Unquote.
712
00:50:23,543 --> 00:50:25,214
Move your hand away.
713
00:50:25,342 --> 00:50:27,491
I want some shots of real tears.
714
00:50:27,621 --> 00:50:29,418
Want do you want from me?
Money?
715
00:50:29,541 --> 00:50:31,735
I'll pay you anything.
716
00:50:31,860 --> 00:50:32,975
Sorry, Harry.
717
00:50:33,100 --> 00:50:35,567
You could never pay me
what this story's worth.
718
00:50:36,099 --> 00:50:37,451
Wait! Wait!
719
00:50:37,578 --> 00:50:39,966
I'll give you
my life insurance policy.
720
00:50:40,097 --> 00:50:42,406
Life insurance?
Now you're talking.
721
00:50:42,537 --> 00:50:45,573
Come over here,
I'll sign it over to you.
722
00:50:45,696 --> 00:50:48,528
Great, I'll be able to cash it
in this time tomorrow.
723
00:50:50,574 --> 00:50:52,007
Nice try, Harry!
724
00:50:52,134 --> 00:50:54,488
I've got to go, we both
have deadlines to meet.
725
00:50:54,613 --> 00:50:56,967
Get it, Harry?
"Deadline".
726
00:50:57,572 --> 00:51:00,085
That's not a bad one.
Stop press!
727
00:51:00,211 --> 00:51:02,770
Hold the front page!
I got an exclusive!
728
00:51:12,807 --> 00:51:16,321
Here!
You stuck it in the wrong way round!
729
00:51:16,806 --> 00:51:20,718
I'm sorry.
I didn't know worms had nerves.
730
00:51:20,845 --> 00:51:24,393
Since the nightmare of Vietnam
he's been a hopeless drug addict.
731
00:51:24,564 --> 00:51:28,033
It made me realise
just how lucky I am.
732
00:51:28,163 --> 00:51:30,960
How lucky we both are!
733
00:51:33,601 --> 00:51:36,319
I'm so glad we decided
to get engaged.
734
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:39,196
Good luck for tonight, Lucy.
735
00:51:39,319 --> 00:51:41,354
- Are you nervous?
- Just a bit.
736
00:51:41,478 --> 00:51:42,547
Me too.
737
00:51:42,918 --> 00:51:45,192
Actually I'm terribly nervous.
738
00:51:45,717 --> 00:51:47,026
This is my first show.
739
00:51:47,126 --> 00:51:49,914
You'll be wonderful.
I know you will.
740
00:52:05,191 --> 00:52:07,306
I hope I'm not interrupting.
741
00:52:07,430 --> 00:52:09,705
I was just dressing
for the show.
742
00:52:09,830 --> 00:52:10,898
So I see.
743
00:52:11,029 --> 00:52:12,144
What do you want?
744
00:52:12,789 --> 00:52:14,858
A moment of your time.
745
00:52:15,068 --> 00:52:17,581
We've got something
to celebrate.
746
00:52:17,907 --> 00:52:20,215
- What's that?
- Your new career.
747
00:52:20,346 --> 00:52:24,020
Lucille, I'm going to put you
in the movies.
748
00:52:24,145 --> 00:52:25,339
Movies!
749
00:52:25,465 --> 00:52:27,651
I've been watching you
for some time.
750
00:52:27,751 --> 00:52:30,132
You've got
that indefinable something.
751
00:52:30,663 --> 00:52:32,619
Star quality!
752
00:52:33,382 --> 00:52:36,976
That's my real ambition,
to be in films!
753
00:52:37,101 --> 00:52:39,694
I've got a meaty part for you.
754
00:52:39,820 --> 00:52:42,493
Will I have to audition?
755
00:52:42,620 --> 00:52:45,179
That's what I'm here for.
756
00:52:45,299 --> 00:52:48,495
I feel woozy.
757
00:52:50,377 --> 00:52:53,174
Let me loosen your clothes.
758
00:52:53,296 --> 00:52:58,289
What beautiful white fur
you've got, my dear.
759
00:53:00,574 --> 00:53:01,927
Lucille, you left this...
760
00:53:02,054 --> 00:53:04,772
Hike!
Can't you see that we're busy?
761
00:53:05,213 --> 00:53:06,964
- Lucille!
- Oh, Jesus!
762
00:53:07,492 --> 00:53:10,608
- Robert!
- You've been drinking.
763
00:53:11,930 --> 00:53:14,842
It's OK.
I've finished with her anyway.
764
00:53:15,209 --> 00:53:18,757
Oh, go for your life, kid.
She's a real good ride.
765
00:53:19,368 --> 00:53:22,325
- How could you do this?
- Robert!
766
00:53:22,887 --> 00:53:25,320
Lucille, ho could you?
767
00:53:25,446 --> 00:53:27,323
No!
Robert!
768
00:53:27,846 --> 00:53:29,563
Wait!
769
00:53:30,125 --> 00:53:33,400
Where's she for God's sake?
Look at the time!
770
00:53:33,524 --> 00:53:36,515
It's all right, Guv.
Miss Heidi's arrived on stage.
771
00:53:36,643 --> 00:53:39,554
At last!
From the top!
772
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:52,706
~ On a magic night... ~
773
00:53:53,158 --> 00:53:55,910
~ when the way you feel... ~
774
00:53:56,357 --> 00:53:58,392
~ is a mystery... ~
775
00:53:59,516 --> 00:54:02,313
~ that will be revealed... ~
776
00:54:02,475 --> 00:54:05,227
~ Could be an angel... ~
777
00:54:05,354 --> 00:54:08,345
~ from up above... ~
778
00:54:09,393 --> 00:54:12,748
~ with a flower... ~
779
00:54:13,032 --> 00:54:14,987
~ from the garden of love. ~
780
00:54:18,030 --> 00:54:21,146
~ Garden of love... ~
781
00:54:28,947 --> 00:54:31,335
~ On another day... ~
782
00:54:31,466 --> 00:54:34,138
~ it may come again... ~
783
00:54:36,224 --> 00:54:38,260
~ It's a Valentine... ~
784
00:54:38,944 --> 00:54:40,661
~ from a special friend. ~
785
00:54:42,143 --> 00:54:44,258
~ That certain someone... ~
786
00:54:45,382 --> 00:54:47,417
~ you'be been thinking of... ~
787
00:54:48,421 --> 00:54:51,935
~ with a flower from the garden... ~
788
00:54:52,059 --> 00:54:55,131
~ the garden of love... ~
789
00:54:58,657 --> 00:55:03,332
~ garden of love... ~
790
00:55:07,855 --> 00:55:13,485
~ There are mysteries
that no one knows... ~
791
00:55:14,573 --> 00:55:19,122
~ someone offers you
a simple rose... ~
792
00:55:19,291 --> 00:55:23,488
~ There's no limit to... ~
793
00:55:52,321 --> 00:55:53,639
It wasn't my fault.
794
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:56,592
You've been over-eating again
795
00:55:56,759 --> 00:55:57,759
No I haven't.
796
00:55:59,159 --> 00:56:02,753
There is black forest cherry cake
in your cleavage.
797
00:56:03,517 --> 00:56:04,870
How did that get there?
798
00:56:04,997 --> 00:56:07,305
You know what chocolate
does to your system.
799
00:56:07,836 --> 00:56:09,507
It was only a small wedge.
800
00:56:09,635 --> 00:56:11,822
Your contract states
you are forbidden...
801
00:56:11,922 --> 00:56:14,101
to eat gateaux
on the day of a performance.
802
00:56:14,201 --> 00:56:16,946
- I was depressed.
- You're depressed!
803
00:56:17,073 --> 00:56:20,951
We're going out live in three hours,
for godsake.
804
00:56:21,072 --> 00:56:24,302
Don't speak to me like that.
You don't understand.
805
00:56:24,431 --> 00:56:27,149
None of you understand!
806
00:56:28,310 --> 00:56:31,426
Bletch... Bletch...
807
00:56:31,749 --> 00:56:36,377
Suddenly I feel very very old.
808
00:56:40,946 --> 00:56:43,175
Bletch!
Don't you want to have me?
809
00:56:43,305 --> 00:56:44,784
I must talk to you.
810
00:56:44,905 --> 00:56:46,417
Say you love only me!
811
00:56:46,544 --> 00:56:47,897
Don't you love me?
812
00:56:48,024 --> 00:56:49,979
Don't you, Bletch?
813
00:56:50,703 --> 00:56:53,091
Oh... er...
814
00:56:53,222 --> 00:56:55,018
Bletch?
815
00:57:06,538 --> 00:57:07,535
No!
816
00:57:07,635 --> 00:57:09,448
Heidi!
It's not what you think.
817
00:57:09,897 --> 00:57:10,897
Heidi!
818
00:57:24,132 --> 00:57:26,088
Miss Heidi,
what on earth's the matter?
819
00:57:33,649 --> 00:57:35,048
Damn!
820
00:57:58,482 --> 00:58:00,358
What took you so long?
821
00:58:00,481 --> 00:58:02,948
We were starting to think
you weren't going to show.
822
00:58:03,160 --> 00:58:07,914
We had some trouble
with Customs snooping around.
823
00:58:08,119 --> 00:58:09,116
Is it all there?
824
00:58:09,216 --> 00:58:10,711
Yeah, yeah.
It's all there.
825
00:58:10,838 --> 00:58:11,907
I've got to go.
826
00:58:12,038 --> 00:58:13,595
Not so fast.
827
00:58:13,877 --> 00:58:15,992
It's all there, I tell you.
828
00:58:16,396 --> 00:58:19,148
What's the hurry, Louie?
829
00:58:21,075 --> 00:58:24,510
It's one hundred per cent
pure-uncut.
830
00:58:24,634 --> 00:58:26,112
I'm sure it is.
831
00:58:26,233 --> 00:58:28,541
Barry, do me a line.
832
00:58:40,949 --> 00:58:43,018
Some contracts
for you to sign, Mr. Bletch.
833
00:58:44,068 --> 00:58:46,627
Here Dennis.
I've got a little treat for you.
834
00:58:48,026 --> 00:58:50,096
Don't mind if I do Mr. Bletch.
835
00:59:19,257 --> 00:59:20,291
Borax!
836
00:59:20,536 --> 00:59:22,766
Honest to God,
I didn't know.
837
00:59:22,896 --> 00:59:24,613
I'm as surprised as you are.
838
00:59:24,895 --> 00:59:27,852
Please Mr. Bletch,
let's talk about this.
839
00:59:27,974 --> 00:59:29,771
I think that's a very good idea.
840
00:59:29,933 --> 00:59:31,730
Where's the merchandise?
841
00:59:32,573 --> 00:59:35,928
It's... it's...
842
00:59:36,052 --> 00:59:37,723
Speak up.
I can't hear you.
843
00:59:39,091 --> 00:59:41,399
It's down on the docks.
844
00:59:41,530 --> 00:59:44,601
Mr. Big's shipping it out
tonight.
845
00:59:44,729 --> 00:59:45,923
Whereabouts on the docks?
846
00:59:47,288 --> 00:59:48,607
Shed 11.
847
00:59:48,728 --> 00:59:51,161
There, that wasn't so hard,
was it?
848
00:59:52,207 --> 00:59:55,596
What are we going to do
with all this borax?
849
00:59:56,325 --> 00:59:58,520
You seem a bit congested, Louie.
850
00:59:58,645 --> 01:00:01,158
Maybe your passages need
cleaning.
851
01:00:01,484 --> 01:00:03,155
I don't understand.
852
01:00:03,483 --> 01:00:05,075
Say "ah".
853
01:00:05,203 --> 01:00:07,318
Oh, no... no!
854
01:00:07,522 --> 01:00:10,911
No, Mr. Bletch, please!
855
01:00:20,598 --> 01:00:23,907
You liquidated him real good,
boss.
856
01:00:32,114 --> 01:00:35,708
I think it's time we paid out
Mr. Big a visit.
857
01:00:39,272 --> 01:00:40,307
Bletch...
858
01:00:40,752 --> 01:00:44,379
- I'm sorry, the show's off.
- What are you talking about?
859
01:00:44,510 --> 01:00:45,697
Heidi refuses to perform.
860
01:00:45,797 --> 01:00:49,456
The network won't proceed without her
and cancel the transmission.
861
01:00:49,556 --> 01:00:51,373
What do you mean?
Of course she'll perform.
862
01:00:51,473 --> 01:00:52,503
I'm sorry Bletch.
863
01:00:52,628 --> 01:00:56,222
She's locked herself in her room
and won't talk to anyone.
864
01:00:57,027 --> 01:00:59,256
Give me five minutes.
865
01:01:00,385 --> 01:01:02,774
It's all over.
Go home everybody.
866
01:01:02,905 --> 01:01:04,053
It's kaput.
867
01:01:04,184 --> 01:01:05,537
Finito!
Buggered!
868
01:01:05,664 --> 01:01:08,097
It's all off!
869
01:01:08,543 --> 01:01:11,614
Oh my goodness!
Steady me, Barton.
870
01:01:11,862 --> 01:01:14,580
I think I'm going to faint.
871
01:01:15,381 --> 01:01:18,611
Heidi!
It's Bletch!
872
01:01:25,458 --> 01:01:28,813
Heidi,
I want to make love to you.
873
01:01:28,937 --> 01:01:30,927
Oh, Bletch!
874
01:01:31,145 --> 01:01:36,706
You drive me crazy.
Come over here and undo my buttons!
875
01:01:38,574 --> 01:01:41,326
You mad impetuous brute!
876
01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:45,193
I knew you'd come.
877
01:02:07,525 --> 01:02:09,719
Somebody call the network.
878
01:02:09,844 --> 01:02:13,153
The show will go on!
879
01:02:32,117 --> 01:02:36,189
So I got out my razor
and slit his throat.
880
01:02:36,316 --> 01:02:38,749
Then I buggered the bastard.
881
01:02:40,293 --> 01:02:41,878
Oh, strut Cedric.
882
01:02:41,999 --> 01:02:44,466
It's bad enough getting wasted,
but...
883
01:02:44,598 --> 01:02:48,715
to have your last living memory
being rooted by a Scots psychopath...
884
01:02:48,837 --> 01:02:51,170
it's what I call a real bummer,
mate.
885
01:02:51,300 --> 01:02:52,503
What's that?
886
01:02:55,576 --> 01:02:57,023
Bastards!
887
01:03:51,738 --> 01:03:54,456
I'm buggered!
888
01:03:59,095 --> 01:04:01,689
Right men, let's load up.
889
01:04:15,690 --> 01:04:17,408
That's the lot, boss.
890
01:04:17,770 --> 01:04:19,646
Time we made ourselves scarce.
891
01:04:28,566 --> 01:04:29,563
Aaah!
892
01:04:29,663 --> 01:04:31,363
Oh, no!
893
01:04:31,485 --> 01:04:35,193
Help me boss!
894
01:04:38,763 --> 01:04:40,514
Move it, Trevor!
895
01:04:44,161 --> 01:04:47,232
Oh Jesus!
Shit!
896
01:04:49,520 --> 01:04:51,157
Drive, for Chrissake!
897
01:04:53,478 --> 01:04:54,831
Plant boot!
898
01:05:01,319 --> 01:05:04,441
God I hate arachnids!
899
01:05:24,163 --> 01:05:26,081
Christ-it's Mr. Big!
900
01:05:28,553 --> 01:05:32,864
Hello Bletch.
Where are you going?
901
01:05:32,986 --> 01:05:35,897
I'm taking what's mine.
Don't try to stop us.
902
01:05:36,025 --> 01:05:39,095
You're out of your league,
little fella.
903
01:05:39,195 --> 01:05:42,857
Kiss your arse goodbye!
904
01:05:42,983 --> 01:05:44,454
Take him out Trevor.
905
01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:57,899
Change down Trevor,
the duodenum's pretty steep.
906
01:06:03,265 --> 01:06:05,214
Which way, boss?
Left or right?
907
01:06:05,314 --> 01:06:06,744
Follow the light.
908
01:06:15,475 --> 01:06:17,523
Get me back to the theatre
double quick!
909
01:06:17,637 --> 01:06:18,694
Sure thing, boss.
910
01:06:18,852 --> 01:06:21,923
I'll have to change my suit.
I'm covered in ambergris.
911
01:06:25,600 --> 01:06:27,794
Where's Harry?
He's meant to be here!
912
01:06:27,919 --> 01:06:30,193
Move the carrot to the left.
Have you focused the spot?
913
01:06:30,318 --> 01:06:32,195
Where's Harry for God's sake?
914
01:06:32,318 --> 01:06:34,592
Don't look like
Harry's going to perform.
915
01:06:34,717 --> 01:06:35,990
He's had a bad turn.
916
01:06:36,116 --> 01:06:37,344
No problem...
917
01:06:37,476 --> 01:06:39,784
We'll bring forward
"The Garden of Love".
918
01:06:39,915 --> 01:06:41,587
We're on a roll everybody.
919
01:06:42,274 --> 01:06:45,583
Miss Heidi, you look radiant.
920
01:06:45,713 --> 01:06:48,624
Dorothy, I feel radiant!
921
01:06:48,752 --> 01:06:51,868
Tonight will be
the performance of my life!
922
01:06:52,471 --> 01:06:55,109
- Kill me if you want to, Harry.
- It's too lat.
923
01:06:55,270 --> 01:06:58,466
It won't make any difference.
The story's already gone to press.
924
01:06:58,949 --> 01:07:01,701
You overgrown maggot!
You're bluffing!
925
01:07:01,828 --> 01:07:03,307
Am I Harry?
926
01:07:03,428 --> 01:07:04,985
Extra! Extra!
Read all about it!
927
01:07:05,107 --> 01:07:07,701
Famous Feeble has
death row sex disease!
928
01:07:07,867 --> 01:07:12,780
Congratulations,
you're front-page news.
929
01:07:13,185 --> 01:07:15,857
Extra, extra!
Read all about it!
930
01:07:16,424 --> 01:07:19,221
Extra!
¡Extra, extra!
931
01:07:19,343 --> 01:07:22,061
Sex disease strikes
Feeble fraternity.
932
01:07:22,182 --> 01:07:24,331
Thank you, ma'am.
Extra, extra!
933
01:07:24,461 --> 01:07:26,372
Sex disease...
Thank you, sir.
934
01:07:29,580 --> 01:07:32,457
Jesus Christ!
Do you know anything about this?
935
01:07:32,579 --> 01:07:33,931
Not a thing, boss.
936
01:07:34,058 --> 01:07:37,845
Why couldn't that bed-hopping bunny
keep his member to himself?
937
01:07:37,977 --> 01:07:39,729
Who wrote this crap?
938
01:07:39,857 --> 01:07:41,494
I've got a good idea, boss.
939
01:07:41,656 --> 01:07:43,214
Find him!
940
01:07:44,775 --> 01:07:48,733
Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention please.
941
01:07:49,054 --> 01:07:52,081
Welcome to the newest,
the greatest...
942
01:07:52,181 --> 01:07:54,561
the most spectacular show...
943
01:07:54,692 --> 01:07:56,727
in entertainment history.
944
01:07:56,851 --> 01:07:58,807
Put your hand together...,
945
01:07:58,931 --> 01:08:02,639
for the fabulous
Feebles Variety Hour!
946
01:08:07,888 --> 01:08:11,118
~ Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles. ~
947
01:08:11,727 --> 01:08:14,604
~ We're not average ordinary people. ~
948
01:08:14,726 --> 01:08:18,513
~ Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles. ~
949
01:08:18,885 --> 01:08:21,682
This is a historic moment, Arthur.
950
01:08:22,284 --> 01:08:25,957
Tonight we rocket
into superstardom!
951
01:08:26,082 --> 01:08:29,471
It's an honour to be a part of it,
Mr. Bletch.
952
01:08:31,001 --> 01:08:33,833
~ Be sure we guarantee
to amuse you. ~
953
01:08:33,960 --> 01:08:35,836
~ Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles. ~
954
01:08:37,999 --> 01:08:41,354
Hey Trev,
I've got fifty bucks, man.
955
01:08:41,478 --> 01:08:43,433
I've got to have it.
I'm on real soon.
956
01:08:43,557 --> 01:08:46,707
This is serious, man.
Look at my hands.
957
01:08:46,996 --> 01:08:48,474
Come with me.
958
01:08:49,515 --> 01:08:50,550
Gorblimey!
959
01:08:50,675 --> 01:08:52,983
Is that a real Havana, Mr. Bletch?
960
01:08:53,114 --> 01:08:55,547
Would you like one, Arthur?
961
01:08:55,673 --> 01:08:56,992
Would I ever?
962
01:09:08,149 --> 01:09:11,458
Thanks a million, Mr. Bletch.
You're a scholar and a gent.
963
01:09:14,827 --> 01:09:18,216
I haven't had one of these
since my twenty first.
964
01:09:20,985 --> 01:09:24,977
It's a real man's smoke,
ain't it, Mr. Bletch?
965
01:09:48,577 --> 01:09:50,214
~ On another day... ~
966
01:09:51,456 --> 01:09:53,411
~ it may come again... ~
967
01:09:54,575 --> 01:09:57,168
~ it's a Valentine... ~
968
01:09:57,294 --> 01:10:00,012
~ from a special friend... ~
969
01:10:01,093 --> 01:10:02,889
~ that certain someone... ~
970
01:10:03,932 --> 01:10:06,809
Bletch,
it's going fabulously!
971
01:10:06,931 --> 01:10:08,649
I've just heard
from the network.
972
01:10:08,931 --> 01:10:11,728
They've confirmed
a syndicated series!
973
01:10:11,850 --> 01:10:16,603
And the critics!
The critics are adoring it!
974
01:10:17,048 --> 01:10:19,959
A syndicated series, eh?
975
01:10:20,607 --> 01:10:22,437
Well done, Sebastian.
976
01:10:22,606 --> 01:10:24,756
I can see the headlines now.
977
01:10:25,006 --> 01:10:27,280
"Director's Artistic Genius...
978
01:10:27,405 --> 01:10:29,759
Makes Feeble Evening...
979
01:10:29,884 --> 01:10:32,033
Outstanding Success".
980
01:10:32,323 --> 01:10:34,439
I've got to go on!
981
01:10:34,563 --> 01:10:36,154
I've got to go on!
982
01:10:36,282 --> 01:10:38,000
My public loves me.
983
01:10:38,121 --> 01:10:40,077
I can't disappoint them.
984
01:10:41,121 --> 01:10:43,839
Robert, we have to talk.
985
01:10:43,960 --> 01:10:45,677
We've nothing to say each other.
986
01:10:45,879 --> 01:10:47,789
I want to tell you what happened.
987
01:10:47,918 --> 01:10:49,317
I thought you were nice.
988
01:10:49,438 --> 01:10:50,791
I am nice.
989
01:10:50,918 --> 01:10:53,033
No, you're not.
You're loose!
990
01:10:54,236 --> 01:10:56,227
- And you drink!
- No!
991
01:10:57,356 --> 01:10:59,542
You're nothing but
a loose lush, Lucille!
992
01:10:59,642 --> 01:11:02,592
And... I never want
to see you again.
993
01:11:09,932 --> 01:11:15,846
~ The garden of love... ~
994
01:11:27,006 --> 01:11:30,156
I say everyone,
who's the dirty person...
995
01:11:30,285 --> 01:11:34,562
who did the great big stinky poo
that's blocking up the toilet?
996
01:11:34,684 --> 01:11:37,914
God Trevor, must you be
so disgusting?
997
01:11:38,043 --> 01:11:39,600
Oh, choice!
998
01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:50,671
What are you doing?
Let me go!
999
01:11:51,439 --> 01:11:54,430
You've been telling stories again,
haven't you?
1000
01:11:54,678 --> 01:11:57,987
You got a problem with the article,
write to the editor.
1001
01:11:58,117 --> 01:11:59,913
That won't be necessary.
1002
01:12:00,036 --> 01:12:02,424
Help me!
1003
01:12:03,195 --> 01:12:06,664
What do you know, boss,
a left-wing reporter!
1004
01:12:06,794 --> 01:12:09,830
We can't have a biased press,
can we Trevor?
1005
01:12:09,953 --> 01:12:11,147
No boss.
1006
01:12:18,830 --> 01:12:21,787
Now that's what I call
an impartial journalist.
1007
01:12:35,665 --> 01:12:37,939
Hello Bletch!
1008
01:12:38,424 --> 01:12:41,221
Heidi!
What the hell are you doing here?
1009
01:12:41,343 --> 01:12:42,776
Congratulations!
1010
01:12:42,903 --> 01:12:45,780
The show is a wonderful success!
1011
01:12:46,102 --> 01:12:47,171
What do you want?
1012
01:12:47,302 --> 01:12:50,179
Our encounter this afternoon
was so brief!
1013
01:12:50,541 --> 01:12:53,929
I thought you might like
a second helping.
1014
01:12:54,899 --> 01:12:55,896
Heidi!
1015
01:12:55,996 --> 01:12:58,412
For Chrissake
put your dress back on!
1016
01:12:58,538 --> 01:13:00,210
Come and sit next to me.
1017
01:13:00,577 --> 01:13:03,568
If it's too hot for you,
I can turn on the air conditioning.
1018
01:13:03,696 --> 01:13:07,529
I'm hot Bletch,
but not the way you think.
1019
01:13:08,615 --> 01:13:11,924
You're not feeling shy,
are you Bletch?
1020
01:13:14,053 --> 01:13:16,805
Do you remember that time
in Paris?
1021
01:13:16,932 --> 01:13:20,606
We didn't leave the hotel
for three whole days!
1022
01:13:20,731 --> 01:13:21,758
I remember all right.
1023
01:13:21,858 --> 01:13:24,318
I had to go to the hospital
with severe chafing.
1024
01:13:24,450 --> 01:13:25,803
Kiss me, Bletch!
1025
01:13:25,930 --> 01:13:28,602
Get away from me!
You shuddering mound of blubber!
1026
01:13:28,729 --> 01:13:31,845
Have you any idea
how revolting you look?
1027
01:13:31,968 --> 01:13:33,446
Bletch... no!
1028
01:13:33,567 --> 01:13:35,276
You disgust me!
Look at you!
1029
01:13:35,376 --> 01:13:38,244
You're old and you're fat...
and you smell bad...
1030
01:13:38,366 --> 01:13:39,358
Aggh!
1031
01:13:39,458 --> 01:13:40,432
No!
1032
01:13:40,532 --> 01:13:42,310
I was going to wait
till after the show...
1033
01:13:42,410 --> 01:13:43,883
but I might as well tell you now.
1034
01:13:44,004 --> 01:13:46,961
You're through with the Feebles!
I don't need you!
1035
01:13:47,083 --> 01:13:49,550
I've got a syndicated series...
1036
01:13:49,682 --> 01:13:51,991
and I'm grooming Samantha
to be the star.
1037
01:13:52,401 --> 01:13:53,436
No!
1038
01:13:53,561 --> 01:13:56,791
I hope you enjoyed tonight.
That was your last performance!
1039
01:13:56,920 --> 01:13:58,910
Now get out of here!
1040
01:14:34,268 --> 01:14:38,545
And now, someone
who needs no introduction.
1041
01:14:39,227 --> 01:14:41,456
Heeere's...
1042
01:14:41,586 --> 01:14:42,583
Well.
1043
01:14:42,683 --> 01:14:44,417
...Harry...
1044
01:15:03,699 --> 01:15:05,576
Yipiii!
1045
01:15:15,496 --> 01:15:16,848
Launch!
1046
01:15:17,415 --> 01:15:19,405
Come on!
Launch the carrot!
1047
01:15:23,093 --> 01:15:26,323
What am I going to do?
Oh my god!
1048
01:15:26,812 --> 01:15:29,371
Sidney, you're going to have
to fill in for a few minutes.
1049
01:15:29,811 --> 01:15:32,847
But... I've got to go the toilet.
1050
01:15:32,970 --> 01:15:34,369
Improvise!
1051
01:15:34,650 --> 01:15:35,798
Improvise!
1052
01:15:36,409 --> 01:15:39,639
But I've got a really weak bladder.
1053
01:15:42,207 --> 01:15:43,401
Say something!
1054
01:15:43,527 --> 01:15:45,676
Go on, say something!
Anything!
1055
01:15:46,606 --> 01:15:50,234
The show is going really well,
I think.
1056
01:15:57,963 --> 01:16:00,317
Goodbye, Bletch.
1057
01:16:07,879 --> 01:16:11,632
We'll drop the barrel balancing act
and bring the knife throwing forward.
1058
01:16:11,758 --> 01:16:15,352
Where the hell is Winyard?
Why isn't anybody listening to me?
1059
01:16:16,037 --> 01:16:18,869
And so without further ado
please give a big hand...
1060
01:16:18,996 --> 01:16:21,634
for our fabulous knife thrower.
1061
01:16:21,755 --> 01:16:22,755
Sidney!
1062
01:16:23,835 --> 01:16:25,711
Oh, no!
1063
01:16:25,834 --> 01:16:27,898
You philandering bastard!
1064
01:16:27,998 --> 01:16:31,587
Sandy, not in front of all the people!
1065
01:16:31,712 --> 01:16:34,179
What I have to say
I want the world to know.
1066
01:16:34,511 --> 01:16:37,388
He may look like
a lovable old pachyderm...
1067
01:16:37,510 --> 01:16:38,943
but he's a steaming great shit!
1068
01:16:39,070 --> 01:16:40,787
I don't believe it!
1069
01:16:49,906 --> 01:16:53,784
Goodbye life!
Hello death!
1070
01:17:13,819 --> 01:17:17,811
Hey Seb!
God to see you, man.
1071
01:17:17,938 --> 01:17:20,405
Pull yourself together!
You're next up!
1072
01:17:21,377 --> 01:17:25,971
Have you ever noticed
the beautiful lighting in this toilet?
1073
01:17:26,695 --> 01:17:28,810
He used me to vent
his lustful passions...
1074
01:17:28,934 --> 01:17:31,402
but as soon as I was up the duff
it was another story.
1075
01:17:31,534 --> 01:17:34,843
He had his pleasure
and left me with this.
1076
01:17:34,972 --> 01:17:36,690
Dadda!
1077
01:17:36,812 --> 01:17:38,927
Seymour, run to Daddy.
1078
01:17:39,051 --> 01:17:40,689
Dadda! Dadda!
1079
01:17:40,811 --> 01:17:42,687
Oh, no!
Look, I've got to go.
1080
01:17:42,810 --> 01:17:44,482
I've got an urgent call of nature.
1081
01:17:45,609 --> 01:17:47,600
That's right, run away!
1082
01:17:47,729 --> 01:17:49,605
That's what you've always done.
1083
01:17:52,207 --> 01:17:55,243
I don't think I'm going to make it!
1084
01:17:58,525 --> 01:18:01,482
Oh yes, a good conditioner
works wonders on my coat.
1085
01:18:02,084 --> 01:18:04,472
Oh, Sid, no!
1086
01:18:04,603 --> 01:18:07,435
Oh sorry guys.
I was bursting.
1087
01:18:07,562 --> 01:18:08,706
Oh Sid-you bastard!
1088
01:18:08,806 --> 01:18:11,235
You're supposed to wait
till it's all clear!
1089
01:18:11,481 --> 01:18:13,631
Thanks a lot, Sid!
I'm on in five minutes.
1090
01:18:21,518 --> 01:18:24,634
Goodbye life!
1091
01:18:35,474 --> 01:18:37,111
Oh, there it is!
1092
01:18:43,111 --> 01:18:45,671
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
1093
01:18:46,031 --> 01:18:47,782
Don't let me stop you.
1094
01:18:51,229 --> 01:18:54,026
I think you'll find
the safety catch is on.
1095
01:18:58,187 --> 01:19:02,542
Eat lead you man-stealing slut!
1096
01:19:19,140 --> 01:19:22,415
Oh yeah!
Hey, wow!
1097
01:19:22,899 --> 01:19:24,491
Amazing!
1098
01:19:29,417 --> 01:19:30,736
Bastard!
1099
01:19:34,296 --> 01:19:35,296
Bastard!
1100
01:19:41,133 --> 01:19:42,133
Ach!
1101
01:19:57,288 --> 01:20:00,086
That's it!
I'm left no alternative!
1102
01:20:00,208 --> 01:20:04,085
I don't care what Bletch says.
We're doing my song!
1103
01:20:04,206 --> 01:20:08,118
It's up to me to save the show,
as usual.
1104
01:20:08,365 --> 01:20:10,878
All right, everybody!
As we rehearsed!
1105
01:20:11,284 --> 01:20:12,842
Ah, please God!
1106
01:20:12,964 --> 01:20:16,353
I know I've been a bad bunny...
1107
01:20:16,483 --> 01:20:20,750
but if you make me well again
I promise... promise...
1108
01:20:20,850 --> 01:20:23,673
I'll be good
for the rest of my life.
1109
01:20:25,600 --> 01:20:27,555
- What?
- Hi Harry.
1110
01:20:27,679 --> 01:20:30,431
I've just received your test results...
1111
01:20:30,558 --> 01:20:31,832
and guess what...
1112
01:20:31,958 --> 01:20:34,630
- I made a boo boo.
- A boo boo?
1113
01:20:34,757 --> 01:20:36,792
Yeah Harry.
You're in the clear.
1114
01:20:37,156 --> 01:20:39,715
You just got a bad case
of bunny pox.
1115
01:20:40,315 --> 01:20:43,590
Take two aspirins
and stay in bed for a week.
1116
01:20:44,714 --> 01:20:46,431
I'll send you my bill.
1117
01:20:47,233 --> 01:20:50,190
Yippeee!
1118
01:20:50,352 --> 01:20:52,307
Yipeeee!
1119
01:20:52,471 --> 01:20:55,144
I'm in the clear everybody!
1120
01:20:55,271 --> 01:20:58,342
I haven't got it!
I haven't got myxamatosis!
1121
01:20:58,510 --> 01:20:59,828
I haven't got myx...
1122
01:21:08,266 --> 01:21:11,019
He wouldn't dare!
1123
01:21:11,585 --> 01:21:13,462
Oh Christ, he's not!
1124
01:21:13,665 --> 01:21:15,894
Oh yes he is, boss.
1125
01:21:23,462 --> 01:21:25,816
~ Sodomy... ~
1126
01:21:25,941 --> 01:21:27,533
~ you must think it
very odd of me... ~
1127
01:21:27,660 --> 01:21:30,379
~ that I enjoy the act of sodomy. ~
1128
01:21:30,500 --> 01:21:32,808
~ You might call the wrath
of God on me... ~
1129
01:21:32,939 --> 01:21:38,614
~ but if you try it then you might agree
that you enjoy the act of sodomy. ~
1130
01:21:44,295 --> 01:21:48,606
~ Don't worry if you feel ashamed.
It's been around for years. ~
1131
01:21:48,734 --> 01:21:52,123
~ Thousands more than can be named
are interested in rears. ~
1132
01:21:52,773 --> 01:21:55,286
~ Don't worry about hell... ~
1133
01:21:55,412 --> 01:21:57,481
~ no harm will come to your soul. ~
1134
01:21:57,611 --> 01:22:03,048
~ We're not all Pentecostal,
but everybody's got an arsehole. ~
1135
01:22:04,129 --> 01:22:06,926
~ Let me tell you about sodomy. ~
1136
01:22:07,048 --> 01:22:09,243
~ You must think it very odd of me... ~
1137
01:22:09,368 --> 01:22:12,086
~ that I enjoy the act of sodomy. ~
1138
01:22:12,207 --> 01:22:14,959
~ You may call the wrath of God
on me... ~
1139
01:22:15,086 --> 01:22:20,556
~ but if you try it then you might agree
that you enjoy the act of sodomy. ~
1140
01:22:21,204 --> 01:22:25,912
~ It might just improve your sex,
it's a hard act to follow. ~
1141
01:22:26,042 --> 01:22:29,078
~ A fact that fundamentalists
find difficult to swallow. ~
1142
01:22:30,441 --> 01:22:31,874
~ So join me as I sing... ~
1143
01:22:32,001 --> 01:22:35,514
~ of an activity that's fun. ~
1144
01:22:35,639 --> 01:22:40,951
~ Open up your ring
and try it front to bum. ~
1145
01:22:41,078 --> 01:22:43,875
~ Bum, bum, bum, bum... ~
1146
01:22:43,997 --> 01:22:45,224
~ Sodomy... ~
1147
01:22:45,356 --> 01:22:47,950
~ you must think it very odd of me... ~
1148
01:22:48,076 --> 01:22:50,953
~ that I enjoy the act of sodomy. ~
1149
01:22:51,075 --> 01:22:53,872
~ You might call the wrath of God
on me... ~
1150
01:22:53,994 --> 01:23:00,670
~ but if you try it then you might agree
that you enjoy the act of sodomy. ~
1151
01:23:04,750 --> 01:23:06,103
~ Sodomy! ~
1152
01:23:20,666 --> 01:23:22,417
- Trevor.
- Yes boss?
1153
01:23:22,545 --> 01:23:25,616
I want that fudge-packer eliminated.
1154
01:23:32,462 --> 01:23:34,292
Now put that gun down Heidi.
1155
01:23:34,821 --> 01:23:38,051
You're not solving anything
by massacring people.
1156
01:23:44,738 --> 01:23:47,934
~ Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles... ~
1157
01:23:48,057 --> 01:23:51,412
~ we're not average ordinary people... ~
1158
01:23:51,536 --> 01:23:55,494
~ Meet the Feebles,
meet the Feebles... ~
1159
01:24:27,365 --> 01:24:28,592
My god!
1160
01:24:28,804 --> 01:24:31,159
Oh god no!
1161
01:25:12,591 --> 01:25:14,148
Seymour!
1162
01:25:15,030 --> 01:25:16,145
Seymour!
1163
01:25:18,989 --> 01:25:22,663
I'm coming!
Seymour!
1164
01:25:28,106 --> 01:25:30,665
Daddy...
1165
01:25:31,505 --> 01:25:34,337
Daddy is here!
Seymour!
1166
01:25:34,464 --> 01:25:37,057
Seymour!
1167
01:25:43,501 --> 01:25:45,457
Daddy!
1168
01:26:18,171 --> 01:26:20,400
I don't care what you've done,
Lucille.
1169
01:26:20,530 --> 01:26:22,485
I love you so very very much...
1170
01:26:22,649 --> 01:26:24,526
and I want you to marry me.
1171
01:26:24,649 --> 01:26:28,196
Oh Robert, I love you too!
1172
01:26:28,327 --> 01:26:30,716
I was never unfaithful,
it was Trevor.
1173
01:26:30,847 --> 01:26:33,599
He drugged my drink
and tried to ravish me.
1174
01:26:34,166 --> 01:26:35,757
That dirty rat!
1175
01:26:40,404 --> 01:26:41,472
Heidi!
1176
01:26:44,203 --> 01:26:46,079
Put the gun down!
1177
01:27:21,551 --> 01:27:24,701
Heidi, for godsake!
1178
01:27:28,629 --> 01:27:32,701
Heidi, I still love you!
1179
01:27:38,146 --> 01:27:40,500
Bletch...
1180
01:27:51,542 --> 01:27:53,611
Kill her, Trevor!
1181
01:27:53,741 --> 01:27:55,776
It’ll be a pleasure, boss.
1182
01:27:56,700 --> 01:27:58,690
You rotter!
1183
01:28:19,613 --> 01:28:21,250
Shit!
1184
01:28:37,647 --> 01:28:42,197
Miss Heidi,
I know you're a real star...
1185
01:28:42,326 --> 01:28:45,044
but I'm afraid I'm going to
have to dob you in.
1186
01:28:47,244 --> 01:28:50,281
Could you do
one last thing for me, Arthur?
1187
01:28:51,203 --> 01:28:53,080
Anything, Miss Heidi.
1188
01:28:55,763 --> 01:28:57,994
Play
"The Garden of Love".
1189
01:29:06,798 --> 01:29:09,994
~ On a magic night... ~
1190
01:29:11,157 --> 01:29:14,353
~ when the way you feel... ~
1191
01:29:15,396 --> 01:29:18,307
~ is a mystery... ~
1192
01:29:19,275 --> 01:29:22,346
~ it will be revealed... ~
1193
01:29:23,113 --> 01:29:26,707
~ Could be an angel... ~
1194
01:29:26,832 --> 01:29:30,221
~ from up above... ~
1195
01:29:31,231 --> 01:29:35,064
~ with a flower from the garden... ~
1196
01:29:35,190 --> 01:29:39,545
~ the garden of love... ~
1197
01:29:42,667 --> 01:29:48,024
~ garden of love... ~