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00:00:08,096 --> 00:00:09,556
[2 LIVE CREW'S "ME SO HORNY" PLAYING]
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00:00:09,723 --> 00:00:11,933
♪ Oh, sock it to me!
Ooh! ♪
3
00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:13,852
♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
4
00:00:14,019 --> 00:00:15,604
♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
5
00:00:15,770 --> 00:00:17,272
♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
6
00:00:17,439 --> 00:00:19,191
♪ Me love you long time ♪
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00:00:19,941 --> 00:00:23,445
♪ Me so horny
Me so, me so horny ♪
8
00:00:23,612 --> 00:00:26,448
♪ Me so horny
Me love you long time ♪
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00:00:26,615 --> 00:00:30,118
♪ Sittin' at home
With my dick on hard ♪
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♪ So I got the black book
For a freak to call ♪
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♪ Picked up the telephone
Then dialed the 7 digits ♪
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♪ Said, "Yo, this Marquis, baby
Are you down with it?" ♪
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♪ I arrived at her house
Knocked on the door♪
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♪ Not having no idea
Of what the night had in store ♪
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00:00:48,595 --> 00:00:52,224
♪ I'm like a dog in heat
A freak without warning ♪
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♪ I have an appetite for sex
'Cause me so horny ♪
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♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
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00:00:59,231 --> 00:01:00,982
♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
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00:01:01,149 --> 00:01:02,734
♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
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♪ Me love you long time ♪
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♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
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♪ Oh
Me so, me so horny ♪
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♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
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♪ Me love you long time ♪
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♪ It's true you were a virgin
Until you met me ♪
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♪ I was the first to make you hot
And wetty-wetty ♪
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♪ You tell your parents
That we're goin' out ♪
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♪ Never to the movies
Just straight to my house ♪
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♪ You said it yourself
You like it like I do ♪
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♪ Put your lips on my dick
And suck my asshole too ♪
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♪ I'm a freak in heat
A dog without warning ♪
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♪ My appetite is sex
'Cause me so horny ♪
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♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
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♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
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♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
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♪ Me love you long time ♪
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♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
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♪ Oh
Me so, me so horny ♪
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♪ It's like that man they call
Georgie Puddin' Pie ♪
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♪ I fuck all the girls
And I make 'em cry ♪
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♪ I'm like a dog in heat
A freak without warning ♪
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♪ I have an appetite for sex
'Cause me so horny ♪
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♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
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♪ Oh
Me so horny ♪
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♪ Me love you long time ♪
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♪ Fuckie suckie ♪
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♪ Fuckie suckie ♪
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♪ Me fuckie suckie ♪♪
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MAN:
Thank you, Grace,
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for that lovely acappella version
of the National Anthem.
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Please welcome to the stage a student
who needs no introduction,
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however, she did write one
for me to read to you. Ahem.
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"Today's keynote speaker
holds the highest GPA
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in the history of Merriwether High.
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As president of Mathletes, Key Club
treasurer, editor of the school paper
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as well as her own self-published
magazine Womyn With a Y,
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please put your hands
together, oh,
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but remain seated
so those behind you can see,
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this year's valedictorian,
Brandy Klark."
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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FIONA:
Go, Pancake.
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Please be quiet.
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[CROWD MURMURING]
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Our First Lady,
Hillary Rodham Clinton, once said:
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"You cannot be both young and wise."
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I say, let's prove her wrong.
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Get off the stage, virgin.
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[CROWD LAUGHING]
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[CROWD MURMURING]
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GIRL:
What a loser.
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Thank you. That's great.
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Nice speech, spaz. What, you have
like a death wish or something?
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-Good chime-in.
-No, I don't have a death wish.
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-Amber, be nice to your sister.
-CAMERON: Hey, Brandy. Brandy.
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-Hey, Brandy.
-Hey, Cameron.
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Killer speech. Really inspirational.
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Your hair smells good.
What is it, lavender?
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-Who is this? Who are you?
-Oh, hi. Cameron Mitchell, sir.
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George, it's Cameron.
Brandy's science lab partner.
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AP Chemistry partner.
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00:04:07,961 --> 00:04:09,003
-He is?
-Yes.
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-Dad.
-What?
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-BRANDY: It's Cameron.
-Okay.
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-Can I talk to you for a second, please?
-Yeah.
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Um... So it was really rad
studying with you this year.
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I'm so psyched that we'll be
working together at the pool.
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-Oh, me too.
-And we're going to Georgetown together.
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I mean, you got a full ride,
I got a partial, but whatever.
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I think that fate
is trying to tell us something.
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Barf. Two nerds in love.
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Shut up.
Our relationship is strictly professional.
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We're just friends. God, I hate you.
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-So sorry, Cameron.
-No, that's okay.
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-You were saying.
-Uh...
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I was just saying that I think that...
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-I wanted just to give you this.
-Oh, thanks. Socks.
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Actually, those are slippers,
and they're for your dorm room--
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[GIRLS SQUEALING]
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WENDY:
We did it.
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Oh, my God.
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-The slutty Oompa Loompas.
-Honey.
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Can we get out of this family fuck-fest
and go to a party?
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Hey, Judge. Hi, Mrs. Klark.
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[GIRLS WHOOPING]
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[SPIN DOCTORS' "TWO PRINCES"
PLAYING]
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Hey, go fuck yourself.
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Dude, you don't give the chick
you're crushing on socks.
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-They're slippers, actually.
-Oh, whatever, man.
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You give her girly shit,
like perfume or a scrunchie.
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Brandy is not a girlie girl.
She's hard to read.
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Sometimes I think she likes me,
sometimes I think she's a robot.
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-Oh, I knew it. She's a lesbo.
-She's not a lesbo.
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[PAGER CHIMES]
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Oh, shit. Just got a page. Let's jet.
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-You don't really think she's a lesbo?
-I kind of do.
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I have to register,
contact my dorm mate,
label my clothes--
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And see Beaches. I got it on VHS.
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We have to have a special sleepover
to watch it before we leave, okay?
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-Special sleepover?
-WENDY: Yes.
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-God, you're so weird.
-Okay, Wendy, "Watch Beaches."
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-I'll put it on the list.
-Thank you.
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Save money for computer.
That'll take forever. Buy shower shoes.
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You know how much bacteria
is in communal showers?
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-If you don't bring your own shoes--
-FIONA: God, stop. Put it away.
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Put it away. All right?
You're being a buzz kill.
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Okay. Guess it can wait.
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I am excited for the all-night
graduation party.
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Those Mormons have some
great activities planned.
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And I think it's the perfect alternative
to Derrick Bergwill's stupid kegger.
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I mean, who needs alcohol
when there's a hypnotist?
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[ALL CHUCKLE]
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Fiona, you missed the turn.
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Hey, seriously,
you missed the turn. Hey.
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What the H-E-double hockey sticks.
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Told you she'd freak. She almost swore.
Better turn around, Fiona.
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There is no way
I am turning this car around.
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Pancake, I'm taking you to a real party.
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Booyah. Class of '93, fucktards.
Whoo!
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CROWD [CHANTING]:
Drink, drink, drink, drink!
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Drink, drink, drink, drink!
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[GAGGING]
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-You guys suck.
-FIONA & WENDY: Dicks.
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Hey. Ha, ha.
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-I'm out of here.
-Let's get our drink on.
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Excuse me.
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00:07:05,930 --> 00:07:08,308
Fiona, my dad is a judge.
He'd be so disappointed.
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You know, Brandy,
in Europe there's no drinking age.
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Parents give their babies wine and shit.
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Twenty-one is, like,
such an arbitrary age, because it's, like,
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you can go to war and die,
but you can't have a little drink now?
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Look, you know I hate hypocritical laws,
but, Fiona, you are driving.
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Okay, okay, okay.
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00:07:28,494 --> 00:07:30,580
-I'm throwing this out.
-No.
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♪ Pour some sugar on me
In the name of love ♪
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-Who is that?
-That is Rusty Waters.
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♪ Pour your sugar on me
Can't get enough ♪
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00:07:50,141 --> 00:07:52,685
♪ You got the peaches
I got the cream ♪
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♪ Sweet to taste, saccharine ♪
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♪ 'Cause I'm hot
Hot, so hot ♪
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♪ Sticky sweet
From my head to my feet ♪
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00:08:02,570 --> 00:08:07,408
♪ Do you take sugar?
One lump or two? ♪
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♪ Now take a bottle
Now shake it up ♪
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♪ Break the bubble
Break it up ♪
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♪ Pour some sugar on me ♪
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♪ Come on, fire me up
Pour your sugar on me ♪
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♪ I can't get enough
Pour some sugar on me ♪
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00:08:33,101 --> 00:08:34,644
♪ In the name of love ♪♪
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We can stay.
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CROWD [CHANTING]:
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
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Chug, chug, chug, chug!
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Chug, chug, chug, chug!
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00:08:41,901 --> 00:08:43,736
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
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00:08:43,903 --> 00:08:45,613
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
174
00:08:45,780 --> 00:08:47,448
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
175
00:08:47,615 --> 00:08:49,325
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
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00:08:49,492 --> 00:08:51,285
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
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00:08:51,452 --> 00:08:54,372
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
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[ALL CHEERING]
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-Yes.
-Here's to pussy.
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00:09:04,257 --> 00:09:06,134
Oh, God. What is that?
That's disgusting.
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00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:09,053
Peach schnapps. The only thing my dad
wouldn't miss from the liquor cabinet.
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00:09:09,220 --> 00:09:11,431
-I'm sticking to beer.
-I'll stick to schnapps.
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00:09:11,931 --> 00:09:15,059
-BRANDY: I can't feel my legs.
-You're like after-school-special drunk.
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00:09:15,518 --> 00:09:18,396
BRANDY:
Beer should be a food group.
Am I right?
185
00:09:18,563 --> 00:09:20,148
FIONA:
Uh-huh.
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00:09:20,648 --> 00:09:23,443
BRANDY:
I like being on the top bunk.
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00:09:23,651 --> 00:09:26,070
-WENDY: If you fart, I'll kill you.
-BRANDY: Ladies don't fart.
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00:09:26,237 --> 00:09:27,238
[BRANDY FARTS]
189
00:09:27,405 --> 00:09:29,073
-Don't-- Ew.
-FIONA: Except this one.
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00:09:30,992 --> 00:09:32,827
FIONA: Sleep well, drunkie.
BRANDY: I love you.
191
00:09:32,994 --> 00:09:34,495
-I love you too.
-We love you.
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00:09:35,371 --> 00:09:36,998
Whoo!
193
00:09:37,165 --> 00:09:41,711
-We're gonna go party now. Bye.
-I've made it to the top.
194
00:09:41,878 --> 00:09:45,173
Guys are gone? It's all good.
195
00:09:45,339 --> 00:09:48,426
Let's play a game. I hide, you seek.
196
00:09:48,593 --> 00:09:51,929
Here's a hint, I'll be in bed.
197
00:09:52,096 --> 00:09:54,348
Hey, who are you?
198
00:09:55,016 --> 00:09:56,017
[SIGHS]
199
00:09:56,893 --> 00:09:58,519
TOY:
I know you are, but what am I?
200
00:09:58,686 --> 00:10:01,272
[LAUGHS]
201
00:10:01,439 --> 00:10:02,940
[OVER SPEAKERS]
♪ Wake up, girl ♪
202
00:10:03,107 --> 00:10:06,152
♪ Wanna get a message to you ♪♪
203
00:10:06,319 --> 00:10:11,365
Oh, I should do this more often.
Getting drunk is fun.
204
00:10:11,532 --> 00:10:14,827
Oh, yeah? It's about to get
a whole lot funner.
205
00:10:14,994 --> 00:10:19,540
You mean, more fun.
"Funner" is not a word.
206
00:10:19,707 --> 00:10:21,959
[♪♪♪]
207
00:10:22,126 --> 00:10:23,669
♪ Met her in my dreams
She was my queen ♪
208
00:10:23,878 --> 00:10:25,213
Ooh...
209
00:10:25,379 --> 00:10:26,881
♪ Rivers and streams ♪♪
210
00:10:28,382 --> 00:10:30,259
You feel like Marky Mark looks.
211
00:10:30,426 --> 00:10:32,678
Oh, yeah?
How about some good vibrations?
212
00:10:33,513 --> 00:10:34,972
[GASPS]
213
00:10:41,145 --> 00:10:42,355
You ready for some more?
214
00:10:42,522 --> 00:10:44,690
Yeah. As long as you don't
have oral herpes.
215
00:10:44,857 --> 00:10:46,150
Wait.
216
00:10:49,362 --> 00:10:53,741
-Who the fuck are you?
-Brandy Klark, valedictorian.
217
00:10:54,492 --> 00:10:58,579
Yeah, you're not who I was looking for.
218
00:11:00,164 --> 00:11:01,916
Nice to meet you.
219
00:11:02,416 --> 00:11:04,210
[VOMITING THEN COUGHING]
220
00:11:04,377 --> 00:11:08,798
Why am I so stupid?
What was I thinking?
221
00:11:08,965 --> 00:11:13,261
That it tastes better on the way down
than it does coming up? Jesus.
222
00:11:13,427 --> 00:11:17,056
-Your vomit's the color of Kermit the Frog.
-Why did I say that?
223
00:11:17,223 --> 00:11:20,017
Why didn't I just keep
kissing him back?
224
00:11:20,184 --> 00:11:22,937
Excuse me?
Who the fuck did you kiss?
225
00:11:23,688 --> 00:11:26,941
-Whom.
-Whom the fuck did you kiss, Brandy?
226
00:11:27,108 --> 00:11:30,194
-Whom the fuck did you kiss, Brandy?
-Brandy.
227
00:11:30,361 --> 00:11:33,447
-Whom the fuck did you kiss?
-Rusty Waters.
228
00:11:33,781 --> 00:11:36,576
-What? No.
-Shut up.
229
00:11:36,784 --> 00:11:40,454
-Are you serious?
-I've never felt that way before.
230
00:11:40,621 --> 00:11:42,957
What, horny?
Yeah, welcome to puberty, man.
231
00:11:43,124 --> 00:11:44,542
No.
232
00:11:45,418 --> 00:11:49,338
Like nervous.
Like I didn't know what to do.
233
00:11:49,505 --> 00:11:51,465
I always know what to do. Always.
234
00:11:51,632 --> 00:11:54,802
So you're saying
that you kissed Rusty Waters...
235
00:11:56,345 --> 00:11:58,556
but you didn't put out?
Are you crazy?
236
00:11:58,723 --> 00:12:00,600
-Or a lesbian.
-No.
237
00:12:00,766 --> 00:12:04,478
I wanted to put it out.
I didn't know how.
238
00:12:04,645 --> 00:12:06,510
What do you mean
you didn't know how?
239
00:12:06,534 --> 00:12:08,399
He kisses you,
you just kiss him back.
240
00:12:08,566 --> 00:12:10,109
I mean,
it's not that hard.
241
00:12:10,276 --> 00:12:13,110
Unless you're good at it,
and then it is hard.
242
00:12:13,134 --> 00:12:14,071
Do you get it?
243
00:12:14,238 --> 00:12:16,157
-Wendy.
-I mean his dick.
244
00:12:16,741 --> 00:12:18,868
Guys, this is serious.
245
00:12:19,035 --> 00:12:22,204
The last time I Frenched
was with Jason Swan in ninth grade.
246
00:12:22,371 --> 00:12:26,125
We had to end our relationship because
it interfered with student-council duties.
247
00:12:26,292 --> 00:12:29,003
You could've gone all the way
if you didn't lose your shit.
248
00:12:29,170 --> 00:12:31,756
Can you imagine losing your V card
to a college guy?
249
00:12:31,923 --> 00:12:34,508
-No premature ejaculation.
-He'd hit your G spot.
250
00:12:34,675 --> 00:12:37,887
Yeah, you'd probably come
like three times.
251
00:12:38,054 --> 00:12:41,057
Come where?
252
00:12:42,183 --> 00:12:44,518
-That's an orgasm.
-Really?
253
00:12:44,685 --> 00:12:47,521
You think if I'd been ready
and wanted to and not so drunk,
254
00:12:47,688 --> 00:12:50,191
had protection and maybe a cute bra,
we could've--?
255
00:12:50,358 --> 00:12:51,817
Fucked?
256
00:12:52,526 --> 00:12:55,196
Yeah. Totally.
257
00:12:55,363 --> 00:12:57,198
You blew, like, a major opportunity.
258
00:12:57,365 --> 00:13:00,534
FIONA: I mean, there's nothing wrong
with being a late bloomer, Pancake,
259
00:13:00,701 --> 00:13:04,664
but let's face it,
you're not getting any younger.
260
00:13:04,997 --> 00:13:08,334
-I kissed his nipple.
-What?
261
00:13:08,501 --> 00:13:11,671
I think I sucked on it.
262
00:13:11,879 --> 00:13:14,840
-That's okay.
-But I don't know why.
263
00:13:15,007 --> 00:13:16,550
[ALARM CLOCK RINGING]
264
00:13:16,717 --> 00:13:18,678
[♪♪♪]
265
00:13:26,811 --> 00:13:27,853
[GROANING]
266
00:13:30,398 --> 00:13:33,150
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH THEN HINDI]
267
00:13:34,860 --> 00:13:37,071
Hey, could you get me a coffee?
268
00:13:37,738 --> 00:13:39,573
BRANDY:
Ugh. You smell like patchouli.
269
00:13:42,118 --> 00:13:45,997
Good morning. Why is Chip
shaving his legs in the bathroom?
270
00:13:46,163 --> 00:13:48,416
Because he mountain bikes, duh.
271
00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:50,668
MRS. KLARK:
Chip spent the night, sweetheart.
272
00:13:50,835 --> 00:13:52,086
Chip did what?
273
00:13:52,253 --> 00:13:55,256
He spent the night.
He's going off on some big fishing trip.
274
00:13:55,423 --> 00:13:59,051
-They won't see each other all summer.
-He's following Phish, as in the band.
275
00:13:59,218 --> 00:14:01,595
You gave Amber permission
to have a boy sleep over?
276
00:14:01,762 --> 00:14:02,972
-He's a man.
-In her bed?
277
00:14:03,139 --> 00:14:04,429
Not a boy, it's her fiancé.
278
00:14:04,453 --> 00:14:06,851
Where else am I gonna
have him sleep, on the couch?
279
00:14:07,018 --> 00:14:10,396
-Why the heck not?
-How was your little church party?
280
00:14:11,772 --> 00:14:15,484
I wouldn't know.
Fiona and Wendy took me to a kegger,
281
00:14:15,651 --> 00:14:18,612
I got drunk and puked my brains out.
282
00:14:18,946 --> 00:14:22,199
You should probably ground me.
Mom, do we have ginger ale?
283
00:14:22,366 --> 00:14:24,285
-Let me see, honey.
-Dumb-ass.
284
00:14:24,452 --> 00:14:26,620
Are you still drunk?
Don't tell them that.
285
00:14:26,787 --> 00:14:29,999
-MRS. KLARK: Brandy tells us everything.
-Too much, if you ask me.
286
00:14:30,166 --> 00:14:32,585
And we trust her to make
the right decisions.
287
00:14:32,752 --> 00:14:35,421
Or, at least, learn from her mistakes.
Right, honey?
288
00:14:35,588 --> 00:14:37,423
You need to learn how to lie.
289
00:14:37,590 --> 00:14:41,761
She does not need to lie.
In this house, honesty is the only policy.
290
00:14:41,969 --> 00:14:43,804
-That's right.
-MRS. KLARK: There you go, honey.
291
00:14:43,971 --> 00:14:46,432
And we think this hangover
is punishment enough.
292
00:14:46,599 --> 00:14:49,101
You're not even grounding her?
Un-fucking believable.
293
00:14:49,268 --> 00:14:51,145
-Hey!
-BOTH: Language.
294
00:14:51,312 --> 00:14:52,813
[♪♪♪]
295
00:15:05,576 --> 00:15:06,586
Sorry I'm late.
296
00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:09,663
I experimented with alcohol
last night and puked on my way here.
297
00:15:09,830 --> 00:15:11,665
I had to stop for mouth wash.
298
00:15:11,832 --> 00:15:14,835
-My name is--
-Brandy Klark. Yeah, I remember.
299
00:15:18,631 --> 00:15:21,217
Do you ever wear a shirt?
300
00:15:22,009 --> 00:15:23,844
Very funny. Heh.
301
00:15:24,595 --> 00:15:27,848
Man, last night was embarrassing.
302
00:15:28,224 --> 00:15:30,976
You must think I'm some type
of sex maniac or something,
303
00:15:31,143 --> 00:15:35,689
but I promise you, next time, I will ask
before I strip down and start kissing you.
304
00:15:37,024 --> 00:15:38,692
-Okay.
-Anyway,
305
00:15:38,859 --> 00:15:41,195
I take it you're here
for lifeguard orientation.
306
00:15:41,737 --> 00:15:43,781
-How did you know?
-Tsk.
307
00:15:45,366 --> 00:15:47,701
All right, then. Let's go meet the boss.
308
00:15:47,868 --> 00:15:48,911
[♪♪♪]
309
00:15:49,078 --> 00:15:50,621
[SNORING]
310
00:15:52,248 --> 00:15:55,376
-This is the pool manager?
-Shh. He is sleeping.
311
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,087
Yeah, I can see that.
312
00:15:58,254 --> 00:16:00,506
Excuse me. Sir?
313
00:16:00,673 --> 00:16:02,383
Excuse me.
314
00:16:03,843 --> 00:16:05,219
Hello.
315
00:16:05,886 --> 00:16:07,221
Excuse me. Hi.
316
00:16:07,388 --> 00:16:10,224
-Rise and shine.
-Shh. Shh.
317
00:16:10,391 --> 00:16:13,227
This is... It's all happ--
It's all happening.
318
00:16:13,394 --> 00:16:14,562
[MUMBLING]
319
00:16:14,728 --> 00:16:17,231
-It's a happy...
-Excuse me. I think you're dreaming.
320
00:16:17,398 --> 00:16:21,485
-Ow.
-Please stop. Stop it. Please.
321
00:16:24,905 --> 00:16:26,240
Hi.
322
00:16:27,992 --> 00:16:30,411
-Hi.
-I'm Brandy. Brandy Klark?
323
00:16:34,081 --> 00:16:37,668
-It's orientation.
-She's a newbie. Cut her some slack.
324
00:16:38,711 --> 00:16:41,714
Cut me some slack?
Correct me if I'm wrong,
325
00:16:41,881 --> 00:16:45,718
but I think we're here to work,
not hang out and get a suntan.
326
00:16:47,094 --> 00:16:49,930
-You guys.
-Hair of the dog...
327
00:16:50,097 --> 00:16:53,350
I can't believe you're drinking that.
Do you know what time it is?
328
00:16:56,312 --> 00:16:59,648
No. I partied on Friday.
What day is it?
329
00:16:59,815 --> 00:17:02,359
-It's Monday.
-Fucking A, man.
330
00:17:02,526 --> 00:17:04,486
All right, I better get to work.
331
00:17:05,654 --> 00:17:06,697
Have at it,
332
00:17:06,864 --> 00:17:08,365
newbie.
333
00:17:08,532 --> 00:17:10,659
You expect me to clean up
all that by myself?
334
00:17:10,826 --> 00:17:12,369
-Yes.
-I can help you.
335
00:17:12,536 --> 00:17:14,788
No, you won't.
336
00:17:20,794 --> 00:17:22,713
[♪♪♪]
337
00:17:29,428 --> 00:17:31,305
AMBER: I was thinking the colors
for the wedding,
338
00:17:31,472 --> 00:17:32,640
burnt sienna and turquoise.
339
00:17:32,806 --> 00:17:34,975
-Do they have burnt sienna flowers?
-I don't know.
340
00:17:35,142 --> 00:17:37,811
-Hi, sweetie. Dinner is waiting.
-BRANDY: Hi.
341
00:17:37,978 --> 00:17:39,647
-BRANDY: Sorry I'm late.
-Hey, sweetie.
342
00:17:39,813 --> 00:17:42,149
-Good evening.
-How was lifeguard orientation?
343
00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:45,027
-Humiliating.
-Hmm.
344
00:17:45,194 --> 00:17:47,321
My burn-out boss
decided to make fun of me
345
00:17:47,488 --> 00:17:50,157
in front of this
incredibly hot college guy.
346
00:17:50,324 --> 00:17:52,409
Ah-ha. Shocker.
347
00:17:52,826 --> 00:17:56,330
Mom, when exactly
did you lose your virginity?
348
00:17:56,497 --> 00:17:58,958
On our wedding night.
Pass the potatoes, please.
349
00:17:59,124 --> 00:18:01,835
-George.
-The potatoes, Jean. Please?
350
00:18:02,002 --> 00:18:04,004
-Oh, honestly.
-Thank you.
351
00:18:04,505 --> 00:18:07,341
-Way to go, dumb-ass.
-Shut the front door, Amber.
352
00:18:07,508 --> 00:18:10,177
-Shut the back door, Brandy.
-Not the back door.
353
00:18:10,344 --> 00:18:11,762
-Not the back door.
-What?
354
00:18:11,929 --> 00:18:14,723
There's doors we don't do.
The back door's one of them.
355
00:18:20,729 --> 00:18:24,233
It's the '90s.
You'll have to get with the times.
356
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,528
-Fine, we can get call waiting.
-I'm not talking about call waiting.
357
00:18:27,695 --> 00:18:30,072
I'm talking about Brandy.
358
00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:34,118
She's clearly curious about sex.
I think I should talk to her.
359
00:18:34,285 --> 00:18:37,162
No. No talk.
Your talks do more harm than good.
360
00:18:37,955 --> 00:18:39,290
What's that supposed to mean?
361
00:18:39,456 --> 00:18:42,501
It means, you had a talk with Amber
and look how that turned out.
362
00:18:42,668 --> 00:18:44,837
You put her on the pill
when she was 15
363
00:18:45,004 --> 00:18:48,299
and she's been dating,
pardon my French, jerks ever since.
364
00:18:48,465 --> 00:18:52,720
-And now she's gonna marry one.
-You can't blame Chip on me.
365
00:18:52,886 --> 00:18:56,223
Anyway, what do you expect, Brandy's
gonna wait till her wedding night?
366
00:18:56,724 --> 00:18:58,726
It worked for you.
367
00:19:02,062 --> 00:19:05,983
Let's see.
I lost my virginity when I was 15.
368
00:19:06,150 --> 00:19:08,736
-Fifteen?
-No, actually 14, with Francois.
369
00:19:09,111 --> 00:19:12,573
Our exchange student?
But he was so rude.
370
00:19:12,740 --> 00:19:17,828
He always played his stereo too loud.
He never let me in his roo-- Touché.
371
00:19:17,995 --> 00:19:21,749
He had a big dick. Yeah, Francois,
you know, sex wasn't that bad
372
00:19:21,915 --> 00:19:23,917
but it didn't get good
until sophomore year.
373
00:19:24,084 --> 00:19:27,171
College, okay, that makes sense.
You're more mature--
374
00:19:27,338 --> 00:19:28,431
High school.
375
00:19:28,455 --> 00:19:31,759
By then, the guys had cars.
We would park at Beaver Creek.
376
00:19:31,925 --> 00:19:34,887
Do people still do that,
go to Beaver Creek to fuck?
377
00:19:35,095 --> 00:19:38,766
-How would I know?
-Oh, shit, right. Virgin. Ha, ha.
378
00:19:38,932 --> 00:19:42,269
Man, it feels good to finally be smarter
at something than my kid sister.
379
00:19:42,770 --> 00:19:46,607
Loser. Seriously, you wanna pop
that cherry before you get to college.
380
00:19:46,774 --> 00:19:48,108
Before? Why?
381
00:19:48,275 --> 00:19:51,862
Okay, how can I put this in terms
a Mathlete understands?
382
00:19:52,029 --> 00:19:56,033
-Yes, in terms a Mathlete understands.
-I'm fucking trying, okay?
383
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:01,580
Freshman year is like
one big sexual pop quiz.
384
00:20:01,747 --> 00:20:03,874
-You need to do your homework.
-Homework?
385
00:20:04,041 --> 00:20:08,921
Yeah. God, it's crazy, freshman year.
I fucked my R.A. the first week.
386
00:20:09,129 --> 00:20:12,633
-Wonder what she's up to.
-It was a girl?
387
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,176
Yeah.
388
00:20:14,968 --> 00:20:17,137
Oh, my God,
I have a lot of work to do.
389
00:20:17,304 --> 00:20:21,100
[NAUGHTY BY NATURE'S "O.P.P."
PLAYING]
390
00:20:21,266 --> 00:20:23,435
Let's do this.
391
00:20:25,062 --> 00:20:27,606
♪ Army with harmony ♪
392
00:20:32,486 --> 00:20:33,904
♪ Dave, drop a load on 'em ♪
393
00:20:37,157 --> 00:20:38,951
Okay, Amber...
394
00:20:39,118 --> 00:20:40,953
♪ 0.P.P.
How can I explain it ♪
395
00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:42,871
let's see what you got.
396
00:20:43,455 --> 00:20:44,665
♪ 0 is for other♪
397
00:20:44,832 --> 00:20:48,252
Titty-- F-word.
398
00:20:48,669 --> 00:20:51,171
"Motorboating."
399
00:20:51,630 --> 00:20:54,341
Uncle Andy has a boat.
That should be easy.
400
00:20:54,508 --> 00:20:58,512
♪ If the other party isn’t gaming
It seems I gotta start the explaining ♪
401
00:20:58,679 --> 00:21:03,517
"Teabagging." Must be British.
402
00:21:03,684 --> 00:21:05,811
♪ You get home, wait a day
She's what you wanna know about ♪
403
00:21:05,978 --> 00:21:08,021
♪ Then you call up and it’s her girlfriend
Or her cousin's house ♪
404
00:21:08,188 --> 00:21:11,024
"Shocker: One who shocks."
405
00:21:11,191 --> 00:21:12,568
Hmm.
406
00:21:13,026 --> 00:21:17,823
Maybe it's some kind of surprise.
"Hand job, blowjob, rim job."
407
00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:21,618
Why so many jobs?
What's a rim job anyway?
408
00:21:22,411 --> 00:21:25,539
Come on, rim job. Not listed.
409
00:21:25,706 --> 00:21:28,041
Guess I will have to ask
the librarian on that one.
410
00:21:28,208 --> 00:21:29,835
♪ You down with OPP
Yeah, you know me ♪
411
00:21:30,002 --> 00:21:32,212
♪ You down with OPP
Yeah, you know me ♪
412
00:21:32,379 --> 00:21:34,131
♪ You down with OPP
Yeah, you know me ♪
413
00:21:34,298 --> 00:21:41,430
And finally, sexual intercourse
with Rusty Waters.
414
00:21:42,139 --> 00:21:44,433
♪ You down with OPP
Yeah, you know me ♪
415
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,478
♪ Who's down with OPP?
Break it down ♪♪
416
00:21:47,644 --> 00:21:51,565
Well, let's get to work, vagina.
417
00:21:54,234 --> 00:21:56,904
Here you go.
Have a good day. Bye-bye.
418
00:21:59,072 --> 00:22:02,201
Hello. Welcome to Big Bun.
May I help you?
419
00:22:02,367 --> 00:22:05,370
I decided to lose my virginity
to Rusty Waters.
420
00:22:06,580 --> 00:22:09,416
-You want fries with that?
-No.
421
00:22:10,459 --> 00:22:13,879
-FIONA: "Finger-banged, sixty-nine"?
-"Titty fuck, blowjob."
422
00:22:14,046 --> 00:22:17,883
-I had no idea that you could be so--
-Sophisticated?
423
00:22:18,050 --> 00:22:22,721
Slutty. There are things on this list
that I haven't even done, Brandy.
424
00:22:22,930 --> 00:22:24,515
This is awesome.
425
00:22:24,681 --> 00:22:27,142
So you're gonna scam on other guys
and then hook up with Rusty?
426
00:22:27,309 --> 00:22:28,977
-Mm-hm.
-No offense, but how?
427
00:22:29,144 --> 00:22:31,104
You said yourself
he's out of your league.
428
00:22:31,271 --> 00:22:33,190
-I never said that.
-I did.
429
00:22:33,357 --> 00:22:35,776
Okay, yes, he's out of my league now
430
00:22:35,943 --> 00:22:39,446
but not once I learn
how to pearl-necklace him.
431
00:22:40,072 --> 00:22:43,700
-Huh. Actually sounds really elegant.
-It's not.
432
00:22:45,911 --> 00:22:52,292
Anywho, I'm witty, engaging,
smart, well-read.
433
00:22:52,459 --> 00:22:55,587
Once I add "sexually experienced"
to the package, he'll want me.
434
00:22:55,754 --> 00:22:57,965
Plus, you're an untouched virgin.
435
00:22:58,131 --> 00:23:00,551
Yeah. What guy's gonna say no
to a virgin, right?
436
00:23:00,717 --> 00:23:03,220
Thank you.
That's just the encouragement I need.
437
00:23:03,387 --> 00:23:05,430
[♪♪♪]
438
00:23:05,597 --> 00:23:11,395
KIDS [CHANTING]:
Let us swim! Let us swim!
Let us swim! Let us swim!
439
00:23:11,562 --> 00:23:17,484
Let us swim! Let us swim!
Let us swim! Let us swim!
440
00:23:19,736 --> 00:23:22,906
-BRANDY: Cameron. Cameron.
-CAMERON: Whoa!
441
00:23:24,950 --> 00:23:27,411
-What was that about?
-Pool rats.
442
00:23:27,578 --> 00:23:29,913
Get here at dawn,
don't leave till September.
443
00:23:31,164 --> 00:23:34,126
We're cheap daycare
for the neighborhood rats.
444
00:23:34,334 --> 00:23:39,590
-I'm sure it's not that bad.
-Just you wait, newbie.
445
00:23:39,756 --> 00:23:43,844
KIDS:
Let us swim! Let us swim! Let us swim!
446
00:23:44,011 --> 00:23:47,472
Let us swim! Let us swim! Let us swim!
447
00:23:47,639 --> 00:23:49,683
[SHUSHING]
448
00:23:56,023 --> 00:23:58,358
[KIDS CHEERING]
449
00:23:58,525 --> 00:24:00,694
♪ And a poom-poom
Just shake ya rump ♪
450
00:24:00,861 --> 00:24:02,863
♪ All I wanna do
ls zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom ♪
451
00:24:03,030 --> 00:24:05,782
♪ And a poom-poom
Just shake ya rump ♪
452
00:24:05,949 --> 00:24:07,826
♪ All I wanna do
ls zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom ♪
453
00:24:07,993 --> 00:24:10,037
♪ And a poom-poom
Just shake ya rump ♪
454
00:24:10,203 --> 00:24:12,372
♪ Check, baby, check
Baby, one two three four ♪
455
00:24:12,539 --> 00:24:14,875
♪ Check, baby, check
Baby, one two three ♪
456
00:24:15,042 --> 00:24:17,169
♪ Check, baby, check
Baby, one two ♪
457
00:24:17,336 --> 00:24:18,545
♪ Check, baby, check
Baby, one ♪
458
00:24:18,712 --> 00:24:20,631
♪ It's called a rump shaker ♪
459
00:24:21,048 --> 00:24:23,592
Hey, guys, get off the-- Aah!
460
00:24:23,759 --> 00:24:24,885
[KIDS LAUGHING]
461
00:24:26,553 --> 00:24:28,972
-See you later, sucker.
-Loser.
462
00:24:32,100 --> 00:24:34,811
-Tried to warn you, newbie.
-Aah!
463
00:24:34,978 --> 00:24:36,438
[KIDS LAUGHING]
464
00:24:36,605 --> 00:24:41,068
-What the truck, Willy?
-Welcome to the Thunderdome, bitch.
465
00:24:41,234 --> 00:24:43,236
[SIREN WAILING]
466
00:24:43,403 --> 00:24:46,073
Settle down and give her a chance
to catch her breath.
467
00:24:46,239 --> 00:24:49,701
Hey, come here. You all right?
468
00:24:50,410 --> 00:24:52,245
Come on.
469
00:24:58,418 --> 00:25:02,422
-Now you okay?
-I am now.
470
00:25:02,589 --> 00:25:03,757
Good.
471
00:25:04,383 --> 00:25:05,717
[KIDS LAUGHING]
472
00:25:07,719 --> 00:25:10,097
Just a little hazing, newbie.
You're good.
473
00:25:10,263 --> 00:25:12,474
Can't believe
you didn't see that coming.
474
00:25:12,641 --> 00:25:16,436
Hey, guys,
put those noodles down. Hey.
475
00:25:16,728 --> 00:25:19,398
Ha-ha-ha. Who did that,
the bubbles in the whistle?
476
00:25:19,564 --> 00:25:21,942
I haven't seen that in years.
That's funny.
477
00:25:22,734 --> 00:25:24,444
♪ Darling, don't you go away ♪
478
00:25:24,611 --> 00:25:26,113
Oh--!
479
00:25:26,279 --> 00:25:30,242
Mayonnaise? In my sunscreen bottle?
Come on, guys, I'm not that pale.
480
00:25:30,450 --> 00:25:31,910
You are a true doofus.
481
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:34,913
She's so stupid.
482
00:25:35,372 --> 00:25:38,458
KIDS:
Poop! Poop! Poop!
Poop! Poop! Poop!
483
00:25:38,625 --> 00:25:40,627
Newbie, poo patrol.
484
00:25:41,712 --> 00:25:47,676
Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.
How very Caddyshack of you.
485
00:25:49,886 --> 00:25:52,639
-What did she mean by Caddyshack?
-Don't know.
486
00:25:52,806 --> 00:25:55,142
It's not poop. It's not poop.
I'm getting hazed.
487
00:25:55,308 --> 00:25:57,269
You know what that means?
488
00:25:57,436 --> 00:25:59,479
What is it, you guys, Baby Ruth?
489
00:26:00,147 --> 00:26:03,984
Snickers? It's very convincing, Willy.
I'm impressed.
490
00:26:04,151 --> 00:26:08,238
-Oh, no. She's not gonna--
-Dude, she's gonna.
491
00:26:11,950 --> 00:26:12,993
[GAGS]
492
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,495
ALL:
Oh...
493
00:26:15,662 --> 00:26:17,748
[SQUEALS]
494
00:26:17,914 --> 00:26:19,499
[LAUGHING]
495
00:26:22,461 --> 00:26:23,462
Get out of my way!
496
00:26:25,505 --> 00:26:28,175
Oh, my God.
I've never seen that before.
497
00:26:28,341 --> 00:26:31,303
That's not even on Faces of Death
or any of that shit.
498
00:26:31,470 --> 00:26:33,847
[KIDS CHATTERING & LAUGHING]
499
00:26:34,014 --> 00:26:38,310
I fucking like this girl.
That was awesome, newbie.
500
00:26:38,477 --> 00:26:40,312
[♪♪♪]
501
00:26:46,693 --> 00:26:49,488
Both the boys and girls
locker rooms are clean, okay?
502
00:26:49,654 --> 00:26:51,531
It's not really fair
you made me do both.
503
00:26:51,698 --> 00:26:54,785
-Yeah, well, life's not fair, newbie.
-You got that right.
504
00:26:56,077 --> 00:26:57,621
No!
505
00:26:58,622 --> 00:27:01,208
-Brandy, help--
-Not falling for it.
506
00:27:03,126 --> 00:27:05,128
[♪♪♪]
507
00:27:13,053 --> 00:27:15,472
[GASPS THEN COUGHS]
508
00:27:20,185 --> 00:27:22,854
-You really don't know how to swim?
-I hate the water.
509
00:27:23,021 --> 00:27:25,899
-What's wrong with you?
-Don't tell anybody. I'll lose my job.
510
00:27:26,066 --> 00:27:28,735
You should lose your job.
That is so irresponsible.
511
00:27:28,902 --> 00:27:32,155
-I'm gonna call the Parks Department.
-Oh, no, no, no. Hey, hey.
512
00:27:32,322 --> 00:27:35,408
Brandy? Let's not tell anybody.
Let's pretend it didn't happen.
513
00:27:35,951 --> 00:27:38,829
You want me to lie?
My dad is a judge.
514
00:27:38,995 --> 00:27:42,833
Shit, shit, shit. Look, I'll learn, okay?
I'll learn how to swim.
515
00:27:42,999 --> 00:27:45,001
You know what?
Hey, you can teach me.
516
00:27:45,168 --> 00:27:48,046
Seems like something you'd be into.
You're bossy and stuff.
517
00:27:48,213 --> 00:27:51,383
You like to order people around.
Come on, okay? Please?
518
00:27:51,591 --> 00:27:53,426
I can't lose my job, please.
519
00:27:56,763 --> 00:28:00,267
Fine, but I charge $6.25 an hour, cash.
520
00:28:00,433 --> 00:28:02,644
-Shit.
-And no more hazing.
521
00:28:02,811 --> 00:28:07,065
Okay, no more hazing, $6.25 an hour.
Hey, Brandy. Hey, deal.
522
00:28:07,607 --> 00:28:10,277
Deal. Whoo!
523
00:28:10,443 --> 00:28:13,864
-Okay, that's it, that's it. That's it.
-Hey, come on.
524
00:28:14,030 --> 00:28:17,075
Hey. You're still gonna teach me
how to swim, right?
525
00:28:17,242 --> 00:28:21,037
Brand? Where's your towel?
I need to dry off.
526
00:28:21,329 --> 00:28:22,122
♪ Come on ♪
♪ Let's talk about sex, baby ♪
527
00:28:22,122 --> 00:28:23,790
♪ Come on ♪
♪ Let's talk about sex, baby ♪
528
00:28:23,957 --> 00:28:26,877
♪ Let's talk about you and me ♪
529
00:28:27,043 --> 00:28:29,713
Okay, Pancake,
you made that list like a week ago.
530
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:32,674
When are you gonna grow a pair
and do something on it?
531
00:28:32,841 --> 00:28:35,218
Lay off, Fiona.
Some people are just slow learners.
532
00:28:35,385 --> 00:28:39,556
I'm not a slow learner. I got a five
on my advanced-placement tests.
533
00:28:39,723 --> 00:28:41,308
Oh, right.
534
00:28:41,474 --> 00:28:45,312
And it just so happens,
I plan on getting...
535
00:28:45,729 --> 00:28:47,898
finger-banged tonight.
536
00:28:48,064 --> 00:28:51,776
-I think it's finger-blasted.
-No, it's finger-bombed, bitches.
537
00:28:51,943 --> 00:28:56,656
Okay, well, whatever it is,
I'm going to do it tonight.
538
00:28:57,324 --> 00:28:59,075
All right.
539
00:29:00,493 --> 00:29:02,954
Just how exactly
do you know when to do it?
540
00:29:03,121 --> 00:29:05,707
-You'll be like wet and stuff.
-You'll be wet and stuff.
541
00:29:05,874 --> 00:29:08,335
Make sure to tell the guy
how wet you are. They love that.
542
00:29:08,501 --> 00:29:10,462
The guy's gonna be doing
most of the work.
543
00:29:10,629 --> 00:29:12,631
Yeah, but most guys suck at it.
544
00:29:12,797 --> 00:29:14,674
When Ross Peterson
tried to finger me,
545
00:29:14,841 --> 00:29:16,676
it was like he was digging
for loose change.
546
00:29:16,843 --> 00:29:19,012
Like dimes between couch cushions.
547
00:29:19,179 --> 00:29:20,555
♪ Let's talk about sex ♪♪
548
00:29:20,722 --> 00:29:22,682
Sounds terrible.
549
00:29:22,849 --> 00:29:24,142
[DOORBELL RINGS]
550
00:29:24,809 --> 00:29:27,437
Ohh. What's up, my bitches?
551
00:29:28,647 --> 00:29:30,315
What happened to your fingers?
552
00:29:30,482 --> 00:29:34,444
Burnt the shit out of them lighting off
some cherry bombs. It's gnarly, right?
553
00:29:35,862 --> 00:29:38,281
FIONA:
Hey. Get in here.
554
00:29:38,698 --> 00:29:41,368
Get it together, Klark.
555
00:29:41,534 --> 00:29:45,246
Women get fingered every day.
It's not that big of a deal.
556
00:29:45,413 --> 00:29:47,540
Come on.
557
00:29:48,875 --> 00:29:50,168
[SIGHS]
558
00:29:50,335 --> 00:29:52,337
[HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
559
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:06,142
What? You want some?
560
00:30:06,309 --> 00:30:07,727
Yeah, I want some.
561
00:30:12,315 --> 00:30:14,901
Oh! I'm such a goof.
562
00:30:18,488 --> 00:30:20,949
All over my shirt.
563
00:30:26,997 --> 00:30:28,081
Sorry.
564
00:30:30,083 --> 00:30:33,420
-Did you just double wash?
-Yeah.
565
00:30:38,091 --> 00:30:39,551
[MAZZY STAR'S "FADE INTO YOU" PLAYING]
566
00:30:39,718 --> 00:30:41,219
[BOTH MOANING]
567
00:30:41,386 --> 00:30:44,931
-Ow. Wait, wait, wait.
-What? What?
568
00:30:45,598 --> 00:30:48,268
-Oh, my God, do I have beer breath?
-No.
569
00:30:49,519 --> 00:30:51,021
Just let me kiss you back.
570
00:30:52,397 --> 00:30:53,940
Right.
571
00:30:54,482 --> 00:30:56,776
Yeah, I knew that.
572
00:30:57,610 --> 00:30:58,862
Sorry.
573
00:31:06,077 --> 00:31:10,623
♪ I want to take a breath that's true ♪♪
574
00:31:14,461 --> 00:31:17,922
[HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
575
00:31:21,593 --> 00:31:23,470
I'm winning.
576
00:31:23,636 --> 00:31:26,389
Do you think
I should try and scam with Duffy?
577
00:31:26,556 --> 00:31:28,349
No. Stop.
578
00:31:28,516 --> 00:31:29,559
[DUFFY GRUNTS]
579
00:31:29,726 --> 00:31:32,604
It's just the wine coolers talking,
man. You can't hold your liquor.
580
00:31:33,104 --> 00:31:35,482
But we have so much history.
581
00:31:35,648 --> 00:31:39,277
You guys dated for like a week
in the eighth grade.
582
00:31:39,444 --> 00:31:44,449
I know, but I think
I just never stopped loving him.
583
00:31:44,616 --> 00:31:47,077
-Sega's my shit.
-WENDY: I like your shirt.
584
00:31:47,243 --> 00:31:51,081
I love hypercolor on you. So cool.
585
00:31:53,625 --> 00:31:56,836
I'm so wet. Touch me.
586
00:32:01,841 --> 00:32:06,012
♪ I look to you to see the truth ♪
587
00:32:09,516 --> 00:32:11,351
I said I'm wet. Finger me already.
588
00:32:11,518 --> 00:32:15,855
I will. Is it shorts or a skirt?
589
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,192
Neither, they're skorts.
590
00:32:22,070 --> 00:32:23,196
Over or under?
591
00:32:25,281 --> 00:32:28,326
-Under.
-You sure?
592
00:32:28,493 --> 00:32:29,786
Yes.
593
00:32:29,953 --> 00:32:34,666
♪ Some kind of night
Into your darkness ♪♪
594
00:32:38,503 --> 00:32:40,672
BRANDY:
But I'm definitely not calling it a "blast."
595
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:44,843
Let's call it a "finger bomb,"
emphasis on the "bomb."
596
00:32:45,009 --> 00:32:46,052
Well, how did it feel?
597
00:32:46,219 --> 00:32:48,221
[♪♪♪]
598
00:32:53,059 --> 00:32:54,894
Kind of like an itch you can't scratch.
599
00:32:55,228 --> 00:32:56,229
Mm-hm.
600
00:32:56,396 --> 00:32:58,398
[♪♪♪]
601
00:32:59,858 --> 00:33:05,363
-Oh. Look, "How to find your G spot."
-Hey, can I see that? Give it.
602
00:33:05,864 --> 00:33:07,574
Can you watch the pool for a minute?
603
00:33:09,159 --> 00:33:11,369
-Do you guys masturbate?
-BOTH: No.
604
00:33:11,536 --> 00:33:13,663
-What?
-That's gross.
605
00:33:13,830 --> 00:33:16,082
Really? You've never
touched yourself down there?
606
00:33:16,416 --> 00:33:20,962
-Well, maybe I straddled the couch.
-Only when I can't sleep.
607
00:33:22,046 --> 00:33:26,843
It says here that women should "flick
the bean" as much as the guys do.
608
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,054
"Forty percent of women
never climax during sex
609
00:33:30,221 --> 00:33:33,141
because the guy can't find their G spot."
This is a travesty.
610
00:33:35,935 --> 00:33:38,396
Ladies, we must take charge
of our own sexual gratification.
611
00:33:38,563 --> 00:33:42,901
-Ow! What the--?
-Get away from me. Get away, perv.
612
00:33:44,068 --> 00:33:45,512
He put his finger up my ass.
613
00:33:45,536 --> 00:33:47,864
I have to put "masturbate" on the list now.
614
00:33:48,031 --> 00:33:50,033
[♪♪♪]
615
00:33:52,911 --> 00:33:54,704
[BRANDY PANTING]
616
00:34:14,390 --> 00:34:17,810
I'm not a quitter. I am not a quitter.
617
00:34:17,977 --> 00:34:20,772
Come on, Klark. Come on.
618
00:34:21,314 --> 00:34:23,316
[♪♪♪]
619
00:34:24,192 --> 00:34:26,444
-UVA protection.
-That's right.
620
00:34:26,611 --> 00:34:28,613
-UVP protection.
-Yes.
621
00:34:28,780 --> 00:34:30,865
-Hypoallergenic.
-It better be.
622
00:34:31,032 --> 00:34:33,034
-Waterproof.
-Oh, God.
623
00:34:33,201 --> 00:34:35,078
-Non-greasy formula.
-Yes.
624
00:34:35,245 --> 00:34:36,287
Soothing aloe vera.
625
00:34:36,454 --> 00:34:37,538
[PHONE RINGING]
626
00:34:37,705 --> 00:34:41,417
Yes! Aloe vera!
Yeah! Aloe vera! Yes!
627
00:34:47,173 --> 00:34:49,759
-Privacy, please.
-Phone call, ass wipe.
628
00:34:49,926 --> 00:34:52,053
Make it quick.
Chip's calling from Vegas.
629
00:34:52,220 --> 00:34:56,683
-What, between lap dances?
-Ha, ha. Phish is playing a show there.
630
00:34:56,849 --> 00:34:59,811
-Were you humping a pillow?
-None of your business.
631
00:35:00,311 --> 00:35:02,188
Loser.
632
00:35:07,193 --> 00:35:10,822
Please be Rusty. Please be Rusty.
Please be Rusty.
633
00:35:11,447 --> 00:35:14,367
-This is Brandy.
-CAMERON: Hey, Brandy, it's Cameron.
634
00:35:14,534 --> 00:35:16,995
Oh, hi, Cameron.
I can't really talk right now.
635
00:35:17,161 --> 00:35:20,832
My stupid sister is expecting
a phone call from her idiot boyfriend.
636
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:23,710
-AMBER: Uh-- Fiancé.
-Correction, fiancé.
637
00:35:23,876 --> 00:35:26,170
-Get off the line, Amber.
-Eat me.
638
00:35:26,337 --> 00:35:30,508
-Hurry up, Cameron.
-I was wondering if Brandy wanted to--
639
00:35:30,675 --> 00:35:34,470
I mean, if you, Brandy,
wanted to go out on a date.
640
00:35:39,684 --> 00:35:41,561
-Sure. Why not?
-AMBER: Why not?
641
00:35:41,728 --> 00:35:44,188
-What kind of shit answer is that?
-Be quiet, Amber.
642
00:35:44,355 --> 00:35:46,316
Don't you have a dick to suck
or something?
643
00:35:46,482 --> 00:35:50,153
-Several. Unlike you, fucktard.
-Cluck you, Amber.
644
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,239
Cluck? Say "fuck," you loser.
Get-- No!
645
00:35:53,406 --> 00:35:55,199
-Don't touch me.
-BRANDY: Let go!
646
00:35:55,366 --> 00:35:57,076
Mom!
647
00:35:57,243 --> 00:35:58,536
[BRANDY & AMBER SCREAMING
OVER PHONE]
648
00:35:58,703 --> 00:35:59,954
AMBER:
Shut up--!
649
00:36:00,121 --> 00:36:02,123
[LINE DISCONNECTS]
650
00:36:05,918 --> 00:36:08,046
Dude, what did she say?
651
00:36:10,923 --> 00:36:14,135
Wait. Why we doing the dance?
Why we doing the dance?
652
00:36:14,302 --> 00:36:16,346
What happened?
The Cam-Cam dancing?
653
00:36:16,512 --> 00:36:19,140
She said yes.
Well, technically, she said "why not."
654
00:36:19,307 --> 00:36:22,118
But you know what, I asked her
out on a date, she said yes
655
00:36:22,142 --> 00:36:23,269
and it's a "date" date.
656
00:36:23,436 --> 00:36:26,731
It's a motherfucking "date" date.
You're doing the "date-date" date!
657
00:36:27,148 --> 00:36:28,691
-Gonna get his dick all wet.
-CAMERON: Ow!
658
00:36:28,858 --> 00:36:31,361
-What am I gonna wear?
-Not that.
659
00:36:31,527 --> 00:36:35,198
-Why? It's just Cameron.
-It doesn't matter, Pancake, who it is.
660
00:36:35,365 --> 00:36:37,617
You can't keep dressing
like Tracey Gold.
661
00:36:39,035 --> 00:36:41,162
-Do you wanna borrow my new vest?
-Maybe.
662
00:36:41,329 --> 00:36:43,581
No. No. Look.
663
00:36:44,332 --> 00:36:47,710
I rummaged, ah,
664
00:36:47,877 --> 00:36:49,921
through my aunt's closet,
665
00:36:50,129 --> 00:36:53,174
and she's a divorcée,
so she's really lonely.
666
00:36:53,341 --> 00:36:56,594
But she dresses like she's 20,
even though she's 30.
667
00:36:56,761 --> 00:36:58,888
-Ugh.
-Look, right?
668
00:36:59,055 --> 00:37:03,810
-Wow. I like that.
-Mm-hm. Feel it. It's like half-silk.
669
00:37:03,976 --> 00:37:07,814
-So, what are you guys gonna do?
-Oh. I was thinking dry hump.
670
00:37:07,980 --> 00:37:10,191
-Whoa. Ha, ha.
-Oh, God, no.
671
00:37:10,358 --> 00:37:12,402
She meant, where you guys gonna go?
672
00:37:12,568 --> 00:37:14,946
Oh, we're going to the movies.
673
00:37:15,154 --> 00:37:16,614
Forget dry hump.
674
00:37:16,781 --> 00:37:19,909
-Hand job.
-All the way.
675
00:37:20,660 --> 00:37:23,329
HOT DOG [OVER SPEAKERS]:
Hold on till I absorb some heat.
676
00:37:23,496 --> 00:37:26,541
Some added tang
might please you too.
677
00:37:26,707 --> 00:37:29,752
I'll slide into an oven-fresh bun
678
00:37:29,919 --> 00:37:33,005
and I'm ready for your eating fun.
679
00:37:33,172 --> 00:37:36,551
MAN:
Why don't you try
a juicy-good hot dog?
680
00:37:36,717 --> 00:37:38,886
Mm. Delicious.
681
00:37:39,053 --> 00:37:41,055
[CHEWING NOISILY]
682
00:37:43,182 --> 00:37:46,686
[FEMALE ANNOUNCER TALKING
OVER SPEAKERS]
683
00:37:46,853 --> 00:37:49,355
-[WHISPERS] What are you doing?
-[WHISPERS] What do you think?
684
00:37:50,189 --> 00:37:51,899
FEMALE ANNOUNCER:
Smoking is not permitted
in this auditorium.
685
00:37:52,066 --> 00:37:56,863
Oh. Ooh. Aah.
686
00:37:57,029 --> 00:37:58,823
-Shh!
-My bad.
687
00:37:59,532 --> 00:38:02,869
-How am I doing?
-You're doing really good.
688
00:38:03,035 --> 00:38:06,205
I thought so. I felt some pre-cum.
689
00:38:06,372 --> 00:38:09,333
I was worried I was gonna
have to spit on my hand
690
00:38:09,500 --> 00:38:12,086
but you seem to be progressing
quite nicely.
691
00:38:12,795 --> 00:38:17,800
FEMALE ANNOUNCER:
No gum-chewing.
No necking and no talking.
692
00:38:17,967 --> 00:38:20,553
Why'd you stop? What?
693
00:38:25,141 --> 00:38:26,184
Excuse me.
694
00:38:37,069 --> 00:38:39,363
-[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
-[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
695
00:38:40,656 --> 00:38:42,742
[PHONE RINGING]
696
00:38:43,367 --> 00:38:45,912
Chip, you're in deep shit.
It's been two weeks.
697
00:38:46,078 --> 00:38:48,956
-Is Mom home? It's a medical emergency.
-No. Bye.
698
00:38:49,207 --> 00:38:50,374
-Wait.
-What?
699
00:38:50,541 --> 00:38:53,669
I need your expertise.
700
00:38:55,588 --> 00:38:57,089
I'm listening.
701
00:38:57,757 --> 00:38:59,008
Okay.
702
00:38:59,217 --> 00:39:03,262
-So I'm giving a guy a hand job--
-Now? Gross. Get off the phone.
703
00:39:03,429 --> 00:39:05,765
No, not "now" now.
He's in the theater.
704
00:39:05,932 --> 00:39:08,100
You left him?
You're gonna give him blue balls.
705
00:39:08,267 --> 00:39:10,186
You'll make him sterile. Finish him off.
706
00:39:10,353 --> 00:39:13,356
Ship. But I don't know how.
707
00:39:13,523 --> 00:39:16,859
There's a weird extra skin.
Doesn't look like it did in health class.
708
00:39:17,026 --> 00:39:20,613
What? He's not circumcised?
What are his parents, like hippies?
709
00:39:20,780 --> 00:39:23,991
-I don't know. Will you just help me?
-All right. Calm down.
710
00:39:24,242 --> 00:39:26,786
This is what you do
with the pig in the blanket.
711
00:39:29,413 --> 00:39:31,290
[TIRES SCREECHING
OVER SPEAKERS]
712
00:39:31,457 --> 00:39:33,459
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
713
00:39:36,462 --> 00:39:37,630
[WHISPERING]
Everything okay?
714
00:39:37,797 --> 00:39:39,382
-Did I do something wrong?
-[WHISPERS] No.
715
00:39:39,549 --> 00:39:41,050
Are you sure?
716
00:39:42,301 --> 00:39:43,511
[ZIPPER OPENS]
717
00:39:48,766 --> 00:39:51,477
-Is that butter? Oh!
-Uh-huh.
718
00:39:53,479 --> 00:39:54,647
[MOANS]
719
00:39:55,064 --> 00:39:56,816
Do something.
720
00:39:59,860 --> 00:40:02,989
-Do you want me to touch you?
-No.
721
00:40:04,782 --> 00:40:07,994
Oh. Oh.
722
00:40:08,369 --> 00:40:11,998
I paid $5 for this. Okay?
They're ruining it.
723
00:40:12,164 --> 00:40:13,332
[PANTING]
724
00:40:15,042 --> 00:40:19,171
[MUMBLING]
725
00:40:19,505 --> 00:40:21,674
-[IN NORMAL VOICE] I love you!
-MAN [OVER SPEAKERS]: Aah!
726
00:40:21,841 --> 00:40:25,094
-Shh!
-[WHISPERS] Sorry.
727
00:40:25,261 --> 00:40:27,513
[PANTING]
728
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,515
Oh, my God.
729
00:40:31,892 --> 00:40:33,269
My, oh, my.
730
00:40:36,314 --> 00:40:37,773
AMBER:
Make sure you get more SnackWells.
731
00:40:37,940 --> 00:40:40,067
I got it, honey. Number one on the list.
732
00:40:40,318 --> 00:40:42,111
-Good morning.
-MRS. KLARK: Hi, honey.
733
00:40:42,278 --> 00:40:46,282
Amber. Mother.
Why are some men not circumcised?
734
00:40:46,449 --> 00:40:48,367
Oh, come on. It's 9 a.m.
735
00:40:48,534 --> 00:40:51,704
I think the better question is,
why are men circumcised at all?
736
00:40:52,204 --> 00:40:57,543
Now see, most boys
become circumcised at birth,
right when they're newborn.
737
00:40:57,710 --> 00:40:59,837
Some parents do it
for religious reasons,
738
00:41:00,004 --> 00:41:02,965
others do it because they feel
it's more hygienic.
739
00:41:03,132 --> 00:41:08,387
But the uncircumcised penis, see that?
See that turtle neck there?
740
00:41:08,554 --> 00:41:10,681
-Mom. I'm eating.
-You should see this too.
741
00:41:10,848 --> 00:41:13,392
You're getting married. That cow neck--
742
00:41:13,559 --> 00:41:18,564
-There?
-Mm-hm. That is very, very sensitive.
743
00:41:18,731 --> 00:41:20,441
And now if you remove that,
744
00:41:20,608 --> 00:41:23,653
then you're actually reducing
a man's sexual pleasure.
745
00:41:24,612 --> 00:41:26,238
-That's terrible.
-Isn't that awful?
746
00:41:26,405 --> 00:41:28,407
-Does it hurt?
-That's a good question.
747
00:41:28,574 --> 00:41:31,494
-What's a good question?
-Did it hurt when you got circumcised?
748
00:41:31,661 --> 00:41:33,996
-I'm late for work.
-No coffee?
749
00:41:34,330 --> 00:41:35,373
Bye, Daddy.
750
00:41:39,043 --> 00:41:41,420
Hey, let me get that for you.
751
00:41:42,254 --> 00:41:43,756
Thanks.
752
00:41:45,216 --> 00:41:48,052
It's the least I can do. Watch your step.
You look fantastic.
753
00:41:48,219 --> 00:41:51,847
Miss Chardine. You little minx.
Come here, you. Let me take that.
754
00:41:52,014 --> 00:41:53,933
-Thanks.
-RUSTY: Someone's using her Ab Roller.
755
00:41:54,100 --> 00:41:57,186
Let me tell you something, ladies.
Men have a one-track mind.
756
00:41:57,353 --> 00:42:00,022
Flash a little skin
and they're like putty in your...
757
00:42:00,189 --> 00:42:02,608
WILLY:
Like you're a car.
I'm gonna fill you up with oil
758
00:42:02,775 --> 00:42:04,527
or put it all over your body.
759
00:42:04,694 --> 00:42:05,778
RUSTY:
No, Willy, I got this.
760
00:42:05,945 --> 00:42:11,450
[EN VOGUE'S "MY LOVIN'
(YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET IT)" PLAYING]
761
00:42:11,617 --> 00:42:13,452
This will do.
762
00:42:14,078 --> 00:42:16,372
♪ Never, ever gonna get it ♪
Not this time ♪
763
00:42:16,539 --> 00:42:18,791
♪ No, you're never gonna get it
My lovin' ♪
764
00:42:18,958 --> 00:42:22,461
♪ Never, ever gonna get it
No, you're never gonna get it ♪
765
00:42:22,628 --> 00:42:24,630
♪ Ow
Never, ever gonna get it ♪
766
00:42:25,131 --> 00:42:27,091
-New suit?
-What, this old thing?
767
00:42:27,633 --> 00:42:28,676
♪ My lovin' ♪
768
00:42:28,843 --> 00:42:31,137
♪ Never, ever gonna get it ♪
769
00:42:33,097 --> 00:42:34,432
No cuts.
770
00:42:37,476 --> 00:42:41,647
♪ You never was this nice
You can't fool me ♪
771
00:42:41,814 --> 00:42:46,360
♪ It doesn't matter what you do
Or what you say ♪
772
00:42:46,527 --> 00:42:50,614
♪ She doesn't love you, no way ♪
773
00:42:51,490 --> 00:42:55,327
♪ Maybe next time
You'll give your woman a little respect ♪
774
00:42:55,494 --> 00:43:00,124
♪ So you won't be hearing her say
No way ♪♪
775
00:43:00,291 --> 00:43:02,334
[WATER SPLASHING]
776
00:43:03,961 --> 00:43:07,131
-Ready to rotate?
-Sure.
777
00:43:07,298 --> 00:43:09,508
Might wanna put your top
back on first, though.
778
00:43:11,093 --> 00:43:12,762
Oh, my God.
779
00:43:13,929 --> 00:43:15,347
[KIDS LAUGHING]
780
00:43:15,514 --> 00:43:19,518
Well, if it isn't the president
of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
781
00:43:19,685 --> 00:43:21,937
KID:
Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
782
00:43:24,190 --> 00:43:26,192
You guys, give it back.
783
00:43:26,358 --> 00:43:28,736
I'm the president
of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
784
00:43:28,903 --> 00:43:32,031
-You guys, give it back now.
-WILLY: You look like a little boy.
785
00:43:32,531 --> 00:43:36,035
Ha-ha-ha. Oh, my God.
I have bigger boobs than you.
786
00:43:37,161 --> 00:43:38,788
[WILLY & KIDS LAUGHING]
787
00:43:38,954 --> 00:43:41,457
BOY:
Bet you didn't see that one coming.
788
00:43:44,001 --> 00:43:48,464
Women in Europe go topless
all the time. So deal with it.
789
00:43:48,631 --> 00:43:51,383
-But they have boobs.
-Big deal.
790
00:43:51,550 --> 00:43:52,885
[YORTOISE'S "THE SMARTEST
STUPIDEST GIRL" PLAYING]
791
00:43:53,052 --> 00:43:54,678
[LAUGHS]
792
00:43:54,845 --> 00:43:58,265
What, Jenna, your kids
never seen tits before? What?
793
00:43:58,432 --> 00:44:02,937
-That chick is crazy.
-Yeah, I know what you mean.
794
00:44:03,103 --> 00:44:05,105
I like it.
795
00:44:06,524 --> 00:44:08,192
What do you mean, you like it?
796
00:44:08,359 --> 00:44:10,528
Dad, guess what.
797
00:44:10,986 --> 00:44:19,912
♪ Just the smartest stupidest girl I know
Her head won't let that stuff all go ♪♪
798
00:44:20,079 --> 00:44:23,249
BRANDY:
Good, that's it. There you go.
799
00:44:23,415 --> 00:44:25,042
Just blow little bubbles.
800
00:44:26,085 --> 00:44:28,379
Little itty bitty bubbles?
Ha-ha-ha.
801
00:44:28,546 --> 00:44:30,923
-Fine.
-I can't swim. You're killing me.
802
00:44:31,340 --> 00:44:33,509
-I can't swim.
-You're in four feet of water.
803
00:44:33,676 --> 00:44:35,719
God, you're such a jerk.
804
00:44:39,765 --> 00:44:41,600
You're right, I'm a jerk.
805
00:44:44,103 --> 00:44:46,021
You still have no tits.
806
00:44:46,814 --> 00:44:48,065
[SIGHS]
807
00:44:48,232 --> 00:44:49,775
-Relax.
-Okay.
808
00:44:49,942 --> 00:44:52,194
If you keep tensing up,
you're gonna sink.
809
00:44:52,945 --> 00:44:53,946
Hey, look at that.
810
00:44:54,113 --> 00:44:55,656
[LAUGHS]
811
00:44:55,823 --> 00:44:59,702
Hey. Hey, I'm floating. Whoo.
812
00:45:00,452 --> 00:45:02,288
Whoo!
813
00:45:02,454 --> 00:45:07,084
[♪♪♪]
814
00:45:07,251 --> 00:45:09,003
-It's weird, huh?
-Yeah.
815
00:45:09,169 --> 00:45:11,171
It's like the minute
you give up control,
816
00:45:11,338 --> 00:45:14,133
you just know what to do
without doing anything.
817
00:45:16,135 --> 00:45:17,803
Thought about
taking your own advice?
818
00:45:17,970 --> 00:45:19,346
What's that supposed to mean?
819
00:45:19,513 --> 00:45:22,016
Well, don't take this the wrong way,
but, you know,
820
00:45:22,182 --> 00:45:25,227
sometimes you can be super bossy
821
00:45:25,394 --> 00:45:28,898
and totally annoying
and, you know, kind of a bitch.
822
00:45:30,274 --> 00:45:32,985
You should take it down a notch. Or 12.
823
00:45:36,196 --> 00:45:37,907
I'm sorry.
824
00:45:38,824 --> 00:45:41,827
-I don't mean to come off that way.
-See, that was really good.
825
00:45:41,994 --> 00:45:46,832
It's, like, you were sad and I started
to feel bad for you. Are you crying?
826
00:45:46,999 --> 00:45:50,336
No. God, you just called me a bitch.
827
00:45:50,711 --> 00:45:52,838
See, now you're starting
to bum me out again.
828
00:45:53,005 --> 00:45:56,508
Yo, butt munch.
You want that ride or not? Let's go.
829
00:45:56,675 --> 00:45:59,011
Coming, Amber.
830
00:46:00,012 --> 00:46:03,515
Willy, this is Amber, my sister.
Amber, Willy, my boss.
831
00:46:03,682 --> 00:46:07,519
Hey. Amber Klark. No way.
832
00:46:08,312 --> 00:46:11,148
I was a senior
when you were a freshman.
833
00:46:11,315 --> 00:46:13,192
Oh. I thought you were the custodian.
834
00:46:13,359 --> 00:46:14,360
[CHUCKLES]
835
00:46:14,526 --> 00:46:17,488
Everybody thought I was the custodian.
So you guys are sisters?
836
00:46:17,655 --> 00:46:19,156
You two are nothing alike.
837
00:46:19,323 --> 00:46:21,200
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
838
00:46:21,367 --> 00:46:23,702
-I'm gonna get my stuff.
-Hurry up, fucktard.
839
00:46:23,869 --> 00:46:26,372
-I don't wanna miss Home Improvement.
-Shut up, Amber.
840
00:46:26,538 --> 00:46:30,084
-You shut up.
-Ha, ha. Home Improvement. Hey.
841
00:46:30,876 --> 00:46:33,379
-Howdy, neighbor.
-I'm not your neighbor.
842
00:46:33,545 --> 00:46:36,215
I was doing Wilson,
the neighbor in Home Improvement.
843
00:46:36,590 --> 00:46:39,593
-Whatever.
-Could you give me a towel?
844
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:40,844
No.
845
00:46:41,011 --> 00:46:44,306
MRS. KLARK:
I've been wanting to have this
conversation with you for a long time
846
00:46:44,473 --> 00:46:47,476
but I wasn't sure if you were
mature enough to handle it.
847
00:46:48,102 --> 00:46:52,106
I lost my virginity when I was 17
848
00:46:52,272 --> 00:46:54,316
with Tucker Brooks.
849
00:46:55,484 --> 00:46:59,905
-You mean, I wasn't your first?
-No.
850
00:47:00,072 --> 00:47:03,409
-Was I your second?
-No. We met junior year in college.
851
00:47:03,575 --> 00:47:05,661
-Don't be silly.
-So where did--?
852
00:47:05,828 --> 00:47:07,913
Where did you
and Tucker Brooks do it?
853
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:09,915
In the vagina,
but that's not important.
854
00:47:10,082 --> 00:47:13,335
-No, I meant as in a location.
-Oh. Oh.
855
00:47:13,502 --> 00:47:15,546
-I assume the vagina.
-Oh. Oh. Oh.
856
00:47:16,422 --> 00:47:18,757
-Beaver Creek.
-Like in the back seat of a car?
857
00:47:20,092 --> 00:47:23,595
-Mostly.
-I never went to Beaver Creek.
858
00:47:23,762 --> 00:47:26,140
-You didn't?
-No, I told you.
859
00:47:26,306 --> 00:47:29,601
-My first time was with you.
-But you were so good.
860
00:47:29,768 --> 00:47:32,855
Thanks. I read Penthouse.
861
00:47:33,022 --> 00:47:35,816
[CRYING]
862
00:47:37,109 --> 00:47:40,195
Why didn't I think of that? Doy.
863
00:47:40,362 --> 00:47:41,947
[♪♪♪]
864
00:47:47,202 --> 00:47:52,875
Whoa. Look at the afro on this snatch.
It's the biggest thing I've ever seen.
865
00:47:53,333 --> 00:47:56,462
Did they not have Nair in the '70s?
Why are their boobs so small?
866
00:47:56,628 --> 00:47:58,797
-Because they're real?
-Weird.
867
00:48:00,340 --> 00:48:03,135
It's the worst feeling.
It's like a tiny boxer is, like,
868
00:48:03,677 --> 00:48:08,390
boom, one nut, two nut, three--
Just pounding away at your nuts.
869
00:48:08,557 --> 00:48:09,975
What do you think
they're talking about?
870
00:48:10,142 --> 00:48:11,977
[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
871
00:48:12,144 --> 00:48:15,064
I don't know. Stupid stuff.
Probably about their periods.
872
00:48:15,230 --> 00:48:17,983
How much they like chocolate.
Anyway, blue balls is real.
873
00:48:18,150 --> 00:48:20,152
-Somebody should do something.
-Mm.
874
00:48:20,694 --> 00:48:23,322
-You guys, Rusty just looked at me,
-Huh?
875
00:48:24,114 --> 00:48:26,325
And then whispered
something to Derrick.
876
00:48:26,492 --> 00:48:28,827
What do you think
they're talking about?
877
00:48:28,994 --> 00:48:30,162
[♪♪♪]
878
00:48:30,329 --> 00:48:31,497
Hey.
879
00:48:31,663 --> 00:48:33,999
-You wanna keep it?
-You want your snorkel back?
880
00:48:34,166 --> 00:48:37,503
-Find out what Rusty's talking about.
-Find out what they're talking about.
881
00:48:37,669 --> 00:48:40,339
-Be secretive, and come back and tell us.
-Done.
882
00:48:40,506 --> 00:48:42,841
-Pronto.
-Fine.
883
00:48:44,635 --> 00:48:47,387
So, Pancake, are you ready
to knock "blowjob" off that list?
884
00:48:49,181 --> 00:48:50,891
I think so.
885
00:48:51,058 --> 00:48:53,435
WENDY:
There's some really good articles in here.
886
00:48:53,602 --> 00:48:54,686
FIONA:
I'm not reading.
887
00:48:54,853 --> 00:48:58,023
Mm. You should check out page 47.
888
00:48:59,358 --> 00:49:02,694
It says that if a guy
drinks pineapple juice
889
00:49:03,654 --> 00:49:06,615
his semen will taste sweet.
Isn't that weird?
890
00:49:07,533 --> 00:49:10,869
RUSTY:
I'm playing a set at the Koffee Klatch
this Saturday. You should come.
891
00:49:11,036 --> 00:49:14,790
I know it's not a big venue
like the Moose or anything, but, uh,
892
00:49:14,957 --> 00:49:15,999
a gig's a gig.
893
00:49:16,166 --> 00:49:19,044
-Did you highlight this?
-Brandy, you can't swallow.
894
00:49:19,211 --> 00:49:21,797
-Why?
-Do you know how many calories jizz has?
895
00:49:23,340 --> 00:49:25,384
You must get so much pussy
with that guitar.
896
00:49:27,177 --> 00:49:30,305
Totally.
Why else would I play this thing?
897
00:49:32,099 --> 00:49:34,226
Rusty's playing Cats
at the Moose on Saturday.
898
00:49:34,393 --> 00:49:35,894
Cats?
899
00:49:36,854 --> 00:49:38,355
I love that musical.
900
00:49:38,522 --> 00:49:39,773
[HOUSE OF LOVE'S "I DON'T KNOW
WHY I LOVE YOU" PLAYING]
901
00:49:39,940 --> 00:49:42,651
If you drink pineapple juice,
she'll give you a blowjob.
902
00:49:49,158 --> 00:49:51,410
You guys want me to get you
some pineapple juice?
903
00:49:51,910 --> 00:49:54,204
-Yes. Yes.
-Yes. Yes, that'd be nice.
904
00:49:55,455 --> 00:49:58,375
-We have to go to that show.
-CAMERON: Hey, Brandy.
905
00:49:58,542 --> 00:49:59,751
Hey, Cameron.
906
00:49:59,918 --> 00:50:02,921
So I would love
to take you out this weekend.
907
00:50:03,088 --> 00:50:04,590
Sleepless in Seattle is playing.
908
00:50:04,756 --> 00:50:07,759
I don't know about you,
but I love anything with Meg Ryan.
909
00:50:07,926 --> 00:50:10,679
Yeah, it sure would suck to miss that.
910
00:50:10,846 --> 00:50:13,307
-See you later, Pancake.
-Bye, guys.
911
00:50:13,473 --> 00:50:15,601
So I'll pick you up at 8?
912
00:50:15,767 --> 00:50:17,102
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
913
00:50:17,269 --> 00:50:19,938
Knock, knock. Laundry delivery.
914
00:50:20,105 --> 00:50:21,190
Whatever.
915
00:50:21,356 --> 00:50:22,941
[SHAYNE BLUE'S "GOODBYE"
PLAYING SOFTLY OVER SPEAKERS]
916
00:50:23,108 --> 00:50:25,944
Don't worry, I washed
your Wonderbras on delicate.
917
00:50:26,111 --> 00:50:29,781
I wasn't sure how to fold your G-strings.
There's not much to them, huh?
918
00:50:29,948 --> 00:50:31,283
That's the point.
919
00:50:31,450 --> 00:50:32,951
[LAUGHS]
920
00:50:33,327 --> 00:50:34,411
Right.
921
00:50:34,578 --> 00:50:38,582
Mm.
Your lotion smells really nice.
What is that, vanilla?
922
00:50:38,749 --> 00:50:41,251
-Strawberries and cream.
-Mm.
923
00:50:41,418 --> 00:50:42,461
Why are you being nice?
924
00:50:42,628 --> 00:50:45,714
I know how stressed out
you are, planning a wedding
and everything.
925
00:50:45,881 --> 00:50:49,676
I just thought I should
help out my big sis.
926
00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:53,555
God, you know what? It is stressful.
927
00:50:53,722 --> 00:50:56,975
You've no idea how hard it is
trying to find a hot wedding dress.
928
00:50:57,142 --> 00:51:00,145
-Everything is ankle length.
-I know, right?
929
00:51:00,312 --> 00:51:01,313
[SCOFFS]
930
00:51:01,813 --> 00:51:04,983
So, what are your plans
for after this summer?
931
00:51:05,150 --> 00:51:08,403
-I'm marrying Chippy.
-Duh. I mean for work, Amber.
932
00:51:08,570 --> 00:51:11,073
You didn't go to college
for your MRS degree.
933
00:51:11,240 --> 00:51:12,866
AMBER:
Planning a wedding is a job.
934
00:51:13,033 --> 00:51:15,744
Besides, after we're married,
Chippy will take care of me.
935
00:51:15,911 --> 00:51:19,581
Amber, a woman needs a man
like a fish needs a bicycle.
936
00:51:19,748 --> 00:51:22,417
You can support yourself.
You don't need a man to do that.
937
00:51:22,584 --> 00:51:24,670
♪ Has the past overthrown you? ♪♪
938
00:51:24,836 --> 00:51:30,759
-Wow. Those things really work.
-And that's why I don't have to.
939
00:51:31,551 --> 00:51:35,013
Mm-hm. Yeah. Like that.
940
00:51:35,180 --> 00:51:37,182
[BAND PLAYING "QUARANTINE"]
941
00:51:43,563 --> 00:51:46,275
I don't understand
why this band is still playing.
942
00:51:46,441 --> 00:51:49,111
Rusty should be up.
943
00:51:49,278 --> 00:51:50,988
I'm gonna find out what's going on.
944
00:51:51,154 --> 00:51:52,406
-FIONA: Okay.
-WENDY: Cool.
945
00:51:52,572 --> 00:51:58,203
♪ I broke up today
In pieces ♪
946
00:51:58,370 --> 00:51:59,413
BRANDY:
Excuse me.
947
00:51:59,621 --> 00:52:02,833
♪ I don't know my name ♪
948
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:04,710
Excuse me. Hi.
949
00:52:04,876 --> 00:52:07,629
I know you're singing,
but I don't know who else to ask.
950
00:52:07,796 --> 00:52:11,049
Do you know if Rusty Waters'
Acoustic Experience is on next?
951
00:52:11,216 --> 00:52:12,634
♪ I wanna burn ♪
952
00:52:12,801 --> 00:52:15,470
Just nod your head yes.
Are they on after you?
953
00:52:16,013 --> 00:52:18,390
♪ Does anybody wanna
Take a little piece of me? ♪
954
00:52:18,557 --> 00:52:20,392
-Was that a yes?
-Get up here.
955
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:22,894
[CROWD WHOOPS]
956
00:52:23,061 --> 00:52:25,856
♪ Does anybody wanna
End up sleeping with the fleas? ♪
957
00:52:26,189 --> 00:52:30,068
♪ Does anybody wanna
Live inside a quarantine with me? ♪
958
00:52:30,235 --> 00:52:34,740
Oh, my God, Fiona.
Oh, my God. Look over there.
959
00:52:34,990 --> 00:52:37,701
♪ Does anybody wanna
End up sleeping with the fleas? ♪
960
00:52:38,410 --> 00:52:40,662
No fucking way!
961
00:52:40,829 --> 00:52:43,957
♪ Does anybody wanna
Take a little piece of me? ♪
962
00:52:44,207 --> 00:52:46,335
Oh, my God. Who are you?
963
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:48,003
Hi.
964
00:52:48,170 --> 00:52:49,838
♪ Does anybody wanna
Live inside a quarantine? ♪
965
00:52:50,005 --> 00:52:55,218
♪ Tell me that you told me so
When I end up all alone ♪
966
00:52:55,552 --> 00:53:06,730
♪ Tell me that you told me so
When I end up all alone ♪♪
967
00:53:07,314 --> 00:53:09,858
[CROWD WHOOPING
AND CHEERING]
968
00:53:10,025 --> 00:53:13,236
Thanks, Boise. Clinton sucks.
Perot in '96.
969
00:53:13,403 --> 00:53:16,281
Free Tibet, if you're not too busy.
970
00:53:16,448 --> 00:53:21,411
And also thank you for the opportunity
for having me dance.
971
00:53:21,578 --> 00:53:22,829
[DOORBELL RINGS]
972
00:53:26,458 --> 00:53:28,752
-Good evening, Miss Klark. Judge.
-Hi.
973
00:53:28,919 --> 00:53:31,004
-Who are you?
-George, this is Cameron,
974
00:53:31,171 --> 00:53:33,006
Brandy's study buddy.
975
00:53:33,340 --> 00:53:35,092
-Hi.
-So is Brandy ready?
976
00:53:35,675 --> 00:53:39,721
Oh. I'm sorry,
I think there might be some mistake.
977
00:53:39,888 --> 00:53:43,934
Classic. Nerd got stood up.
I guess nice guys do come in last.
978
00:53:44,101 --> 00:53:45,727
Aww. Heh, heh.
979
00:53:45,894 --> 00:53:48,647
-You can say that again.
-George, will you give it a rest?
980
00:53:48,814 --> 00:53:50,482
That was 20 years ago.
981
00:53:52,484 --> 00:53:56,530
-So she's not here?
-Oh, jeez, Kirk, come on in.
982
00:53:56,696 --> 00:53:58,073
-Cameron.
-It's Cameron.
983
00:53:58,240 --> 00:53:59,991
Who's Cameron?
984
00:54:01,493 --> 00:54:05,705
MRS. KLARK:
I'm sure Brandy will be back soon.
Just make yourself at home.
985
00:54:05,872 --> 00:54:07,874
[CLAY BIRDS' "FREE" PLAYING]
986
00:54:08,917 --> 00:54:10,293
[SIGHS]
987
00:54:10,460 --> 00:54:14,005
♪ Hello, do you remember me? ♪
988
00:54:14,172 --> 00:54:15,215
[DOOR CLOSES]
989
00:54:15,382 --> 00:54:20,554
♪ I'm the one who was with you
When you were free ♪
990
00:54:20,720 --> 00:54:24,516
♪ Hello, do you think about me? ♪
991
00:54:25,392 --> 00:54:30,355
♪ I was the one, say you do
Say you do when you couldn't see ♪
992
00:54:32,232 --> 00:54:37,070
♪ I would have come alone
With you ♪
993
00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:40,949
♪ But I knew just what you'd do ♪
994
00:54:41,116 --> 00:54:43,577
CAMERON:
"French kiss, make out,
995
00:54:43,743 --> 00:54:46,913
finger bomb, no skorts,
996
00:54:47,664 --> 00:54:49,374
hand job Cameron."
997
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:52,502
♪ What I wanted to ♪♪
998
00:54:54,754 --> 00:54:56,715
What the hell?
999
00:54:56,882 --> 00:54:59,009
[ELASTICA'S "STUTTER" PLAYING]
1000
00:54:59,551 --> 00:55:03,346
-Drink up, boys, and follow me.
-Whoo-hoo!
1001
00:55:11,855 --> 00:55:13,273
[ALL CHUCKLING]
1002
00:55:14,232 --> 00:55:15,859
♪ No need to whine, boy ♪
1003
00:55:16,026 --> 00:55:18,570
♪ Like a wend-up toy
You stutter at my feet ♪♪
1004
00:55:18,737 --> 00:55:21,031
Why'd they buy us
pineapple juice?
1005
00:55:21,198 --> 00:55:23,074
I think they're Mormons, bro.
1006
00:55:23,617 --> 00:55:25,535
GIRL:
Look at me, guys.
1007
00:55:26,161 --> 00:55:27,913
[GIRLS CHATTERING
AND LAUGHING]
1008
00:55:29,915 --> 00:55:31,249
You might be right.
1009
00:55:33,168 --> 00:55:35,962
Bass has four strings,
guitar has six.
1010
00:55:36,129 --> 00:55:39,716
-The bass covers the lower end of the--
-Okay, shut up.
1011
00:55:39,883 --> 00:55:43,053
♪ It was a friend of a friend
So over you bend ♪
1012
00:55:43,220 --> 00:55:46,723
♪ Now you don't talk to either one ♪
1013
00:55:46,890 --> 00:55:48,683
♪ And the barb from the rose ♪
1014
00:55:48,850 --> 00:55:50,769
♪ Took some skin off your nose ♪
1015
00:55:50,936 --> 00:55:53,605
♪ You don't give in to anything ♪
1016
00:55:55,398 --> 00:55:59,778
I'm sorry. I just feel so bad for him.
1017
00:56:09,829 --> 00:56:13,959
♪ You've been driving all day
From a mile away ♪♪
1018
00:56:15,627 --> 00:56:17,629
So wet in here.
1019
00:56:19,297 --> 00:56:21,258
Are you gonna come in?
1020
00:56:21,424 --> 00:56:27,013
Can't. Dyed my hair this morning.
Can't get it wet for 48 hours.
1021
00:56:30,642 --> 00:56:32,644
Well, that's a shame
1022
00:56:33,436 --> 00:56:38,024
because a hot shower
sounds really nice right about now.
1023
00:56:39,025 --> 00:56:40,819
If you ask me.
1024
00:56:43,488 --> 00:56:47,158
VAN:
Uh, señorita, you are so amorous.
1025
00:56:47,325 --> 00:56:51,663
Your energy is just electric,
you know? Heh.
1026
00:56:51,830 --> 00:56:55,584
Life on the road
is so treacherous, you know?
1027
00:56:55,750 --> 00:56:58,295
Never would've thought
touring the Pacific Northwest
1028
00:56:58,461 --> 00:57:00,088
would be so harrowing--
1029
00:57:00,255 --> 00:57:02,424
Are you gonna talk
the whole time I blow you?
1030
00:57:02,591 --> 00:57:07,012
I'm trying to figure this out.
I think I have to breathe
through my nose. Shh!
1031
00:57:07,345 --> 00:57:09,306
-Apologies.
-Thank you.
1032
00:57:09,472 --> 00:57:13,852
I'm a musical wordsmith, honey.
Lamenting is what I do.
1033
00:57:14,060 --> 00:57:16,855
And telling the troubadour's tale
is what I do best--
1034
00:57:17,022 --> 00:57:19,024
[MOANING]
1035
00:57:25,196 --> 00:57:26,865
[VAN MOANING]
1036
00:57:33,079 --> 00:57:34,205
Showers.
1037
00:57:34,372 --> 00:57:38,543
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1038
00:57:38,710 --> 00:57:43,048
♪ Oh, oh
Through the valleys of Joshua trees ♪♪
1039
00:57:43,214 --> 00:57:45,550
[YELLS THEN GRUNTING]
1040
00:57:45,717 --> 00:57:46,843
What the fuck?
1041
00:57:48,511 --> 00:57:51,056
Brandy. Who's this guy?
1042
00:57:53,099 --> 00:57:55,226
Brandy, answer me.
What are you doing here?
1043
00:57:56,311 --> 00:58:00,732
-Mm.
-Open your mouth and answer me.
1044
00:58:04,486 --> 00:58:06,571
Did it taste like pineapple juice?
1045
00:58:06,738 --> 00:58:10,659
Shut up. Just shut up. I--
You two just stay apart.
1046
00:58:10,825 --> 00:58:12,911
You guys over there,
you guys over here.
1047
00:58:13,078 --> 00:58:15,333
Dude, these are like
little girls, all right?
1048
00:58:15,357 --> 00:58:16,581
What were you thinking?
1049
00:58:16,748 --> 00:58:21,753
Brandy, you're being totally,
totally irresponsible, okay?
1050
00:58:24,756 --> 00:58:26,091
[SCOFFS]
1051
00:58:28,843 --> 00:58:30,178
Wow.
1052
00:58:30,345 --> 00:58:33,598
That's some good shit, man.
Her dad is a judge,
1053
00:58:33,765 --> 00:58:35,433
-dude.
-What?
1054
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:37,602
This one, her dad's a judge.
1055
00:58:37,769 --> 00:58:41,856
A judge?
Who do you think you are, Lolita?
1056
00:58:42,399 --> 00:58:47,195
I mean, you lured me in,
you sought me out
1057
00:58:47,362 --> 00:58:50,365
and then you lie to me?
What's that about?
1058
00:58:51,157 --> 00:58:53,368
Oh, that's good.
1059
00:58:54,619 --> 00:58:56,705
-I think I just wrote a song.
-Whoa.
1060
00:58:56,871 --> 00:58:58,748
-To the van.
-All right.
1061
00:59:00,583 --> 00:59:04,129
-That was cool.
-Bye. Love your music.
1062
00:59:04,796 --> 00:59:07,132
There's a gate right there.
I don't know why you--
1063
00:59:07,298 --> 00:59:08,967
All right.
1064
00:59:09,634 --> 00:59:13,138
Hey, hey, hey. Girls, I'm not done.
These guys are 10 years older than you.
1065
00:59:13,304 --> 00:59:15,640
-What are you doing?
-Oh, my God.
1066
00:59:16,015 --> 00:59:18,810
Willy, do you live here?
Are you homeless?
1067
00:59:18,977 --> 00:59:23,606
Yes, I'm a homeless American. Stop it.
I shouldn't be seeing you guys like this.
1068
00:59:23,773 --> 00:59:26,818
Brandy, what are you thinking?
1069
00:59:26,985 --> 00:59:29,237
What would've happened tonight
if I wasn't here?
1070
00:59:29,404 --> 00:59:31,990
Um... I think I would've swallowed.
1071
00:59:32,282 --> 00:59:33,324
[BOTH LAUGH]
1072
00:59:33,491 --> 00:59:36,995
-BRANDY: I'm serious.
-I just got that, and that's not funny.
1073
00:59:37,203 --> 00:59:39,998
-It's not funny at all, okay?
-BRANDY: Come on, Willy.
1074
00:59:40,206 --> 00:59:42,625
Let's see how funny it is
when I call your folks.
1075
00:59:42,792 --> 00:59:44,502
-No.
-WILLY: Okay? Hey. hey.
1076
00:59:44,669 --> 00:59:48,423
You guys should be at home in bed,
in flannel pajamas,
1077
00:59:48,590 --> 00:59:51,342
not floundering around
in your underwear--
1078
00:59:51,509 --> 00:59:53,678
I don't know your number.
I don't know who I called.
1079
01:00:03,855 --> 01:00:07,192
-BRANDY: What a night.
-CAMERON: You can say that again.
1080
01:00:08,818 --> 01:00:11,780
-What are you doing here?
-We had a date.
1081
01:00:12,614 --> 01:00:16,075
Or were you so busy with your stupid
scam list that you forgot all about it?
1082
01:00:16,868 --> 01:00:19,204
Cameron, that's private.
Give that back to me.
1083
01:00:19,871 --> 01:00:23,291
Cameron. That's private.
Give it back.
1084
01:00:23,458 --> 01:00:28,046
-You cheat on me?
-No. Cheat? We're not even together.
1085
01:00:28,213 --> 01:00:30,799
We're not together because
I'm breaking up with you.
1086
01:00:30,965 --> 01:00:33,384
You can't break up with me,
we were never going out.
1087
01:00:33,551 --> 01:00:38,181
Brandy, you gave me a hand job.
Doesn't that mean anything to you?
1088
01:00:38,515 --> 01:00:39,682
No, it's a hand job.
1089
01:00:39,849 --> 01:00:41,851
[SIGHING]
1090
01:00:43,061 --> 01:00:47,398
-I told you that I love you.
-You meant that?
1091
01:00:50,485 --> 01:00:54,614
[VOICE BREAKING]
Brandy, how could you do this to me?
1092
01:00:54,781 --> 01:00:58,576
I work with you, I study with you,
I fingered you.
1093
01:00:58,743 --> 01:01:02,330
At any point you could've told me
that you were just using me.
1094
01:01:02,497 --> 01:01:05,750
I wonder if I'll ever be able
to enjoy a hand job again.
1095
01:01:05,917 --> 01:01:09,379
Cameron, don't say that.
1096
01:01:09,921 --> 01:01:12,590
I'm probably gonna have
erectile dysfunction.
1097
01:01:12,757 --> 01:01:14,801
Camster.
1098
01:01:14,968 --> 01:01:18,721
-It was just a misunderstanding.
-Don't touch me.
1099
01:01:18,888 --> 01:01:20,348
[♪♪♪]
1100
01:01:21,099 --> 01:01:22,892
I hope you get AIDS.
1101
01:01:23,059 --> 01:01:24,060
[SCOFFS]
1102
01:01:24,227 --> 01:01:26,104
Cameron!
1103
01:01:26,771 --> 01:01:28,773
[SOBBING]
1104
01:01:35,113 --> 01:01:37,782
Welcome to Big Bun.
Can I take your order?
1105
01:01:38,408 --> 01:01:40,076
Cameron wants me to die of AIDS.
1106
01:01:41,327 --> 01:01:43,454
And can I get a milkshake?
1107
01:01:43,621 --> 01:01:44,664
[CAR HORN HONKING]
1108
01:01:44,831 --> 01:01:47,542
-Come on, we're waiting here.
-Shit. All right, man.
1109
01:01:47,709 --> 01:01:51,254
I cannot believe he is letting a hand job
come between our friendship.
1110
01:01:51,421 --> 01:01:53,464
He should be happy
that you jerked him off.
1111
01:01:53,631 --> 01:01:56,050
-Especially with his condition.
-Yeah.
1112
01:01:56,217 --> 01:01:59,262
I didn't know he "like" liked me.
How am I supposed to know?
1113
01:01:59,429 --> 01:02:01,472
I'm not a mind reader.
I'm not a gypsy.
1114
01:02:01,639 --> 01:02:05,143
-Do you, like, "like" like him back?
-I don't know.
1115
01:02:05,351 --> 01:02:09,314
It's Cameron.
I don't think about him like that.
1116
01:02:10,231 --> 01:02:12,317
But, you guys, he was...
1117
01:02:13,276 --> 01:02:15,153
crying.
1118
01:02:15,612 --> 01:02:18,990
-I think I really hurt him.
-Dude, he's just being a little baby.
1119
01:02:19,157 --> 01:02:21,743
Guys mess around
and girls just have to put up with it?
1120
01:02:21,910 --> 01:02:23,494
-Yeah.
-It's bullshit.
1121
01:02:23,661 --> 01:02:25,496
When I sprained my ankle
in gym class,
1122
01:02:25,663 --> 01:02:28,082
Duffy square danced
with, like, three other girls.
1123
01:02:28,249 --> 01:02:30,084
-He did not.
-WENDY: I had to sit and watch.
1124
01:02:30,251 --> 01:02:34,005
Oh, my God. You broke up
three years ago. Get over it.
1125
01:02:34,172 --> 01:02:36,174
It still hurts, Fiona.
1126
01:02:36,382 --> 01:02:40,637
It's like Gloria Steinem says,
"You're either the virgin or the whore."
1127
01:02:40,803 --> 01:02:41,846
FIONA:
Well, you know what?
1128
01:02:42,013 --> 01:02:45,308
One of those sounds
a lot funner than the other one.
1129
01:02:45,475 --> 01:02:47,352
Yeah. The whore.
1130
01:02:47,518 --> 01:02:50,188
Maybe this whole scam-list thing
was a stupid idea.
1131
01:02:50,355 --> 01:02:53,775
No, you can't give up now.
You worked too hard to get to this point.
1132
01:02:53,942 --> 01:02:56,819
-You can't back out now.
-Think about all you've accomplished.
1133
01:02:56,986 --> 01:02:58,988
You've gotten more action
this last month
1134
01:02:59,155 --> 01:03:01,950
-than your entire high school career.
-That's true.
1135
01:03:02,367 --> 01:03:04,035
You're right.
1136
01:03:04,202 --> 01:03:05,244
[♪♪♪]
1137
01:03:05,411 --> 01:03:07,246
[SIGHS]
1138
01:03:07,413 --> 01:03:09,874
I deserve to get fucked by Rusty.
1139
01:03:10,041 --> 01:03:11,876
She made a scam list?
1140
01:03:12,293 --> 01:03:13,336
[SNIFFLING]
1141
01:03:13,503 --> 01:03:17,048
A list of sexual experiments
to do with guys.
1142
01:03:17,757 --> 01:03:19,217
She used me, man.
1143
01:03:19,384 --> 01:03:23,471
Like she could just jerk me off
without ever even committing.
1144
01:03:24,430 --> 01:03:28,184
-That is terrible. Any old guy?
-Yup.
1145
01:03:28,351 --> 01:03:30,520
Oh, he's such a dick,
he's such a dick.
1146
01:03:30,687 --> 01:03:32,730
-No, he's not a dick, Duffy.
-He is.
1147
01:03:32,897 --> 01:03:36,859
-No, he's like one of my best friends.
-I know. Me too.
1148
01:03:37,026 --> 01:03:38,987
You have to believe me,
I didn't mean to hurt him.
1149
01:03:39,153 --> 01:03:41,656
-I know you didn't.
-Why would I do that on purpose?
1150
01:03:41,823 --> 01:03:44,909
-You would never. You're an angel.
-He told me he wanted me to die.
1151
01:03:45,076 --> 01:03:47,161
-He's a meanie. He's a dick.
-He's not a dick.
1152
01:03:47,328 --> 01:03:50,164
But don't worry,
Duffy's here to make it all better.
1153
01:03:50,331 --> 01:03:51,582
[ED GRAVES' "PEARL NECKLACE"
PLAYING SOFTLY OVER SPEAKERS]
1154
01:03:51,749 --> 01:03:55,086
Why are you referring to yourself
in the third person?
1155
01:03:56,295 --> 01:03:59,590
Oh-- Duffy. Duffy, stop.
1156
01:03:59,757 --> 01:04:02,760
What? I just invited you over
to make you feel better.
1157
01:04:03,511 --> 01:04:05,179
What's on your neck?
1158
01:04:06,472 --> 01:04:09,934
Nothing. Just a little hickey that
1159
01:04:10,101 --> 01:04:13,396
Kitty Randall gave to me
when we dry humped the other night.
1160
01:04:13,563 --> 01:04:15,523
-What's dry hump?
-Ahem.
1161
01:04:15,690 --> 01:04:20,445
It's actually kind of complicated.
I'd have to show you.
1162
01:04:22,488 --> 01:04:26,617
-Okay. You can show me.
-You're just gonna let me hump you?
1163
01:04:26,784 --> 01:04:27,785
Yes.
1164
01:04:27,952 --> 01:04:30,121
[BRANDY & DUFFY PANTING]
1165
01:04:30,288 --> 01:04:32,290
[DUFFY MOANS]
1166
01:04:32,915 --> 01:04:35,293
DUFFY:
It's all right. It's all right.
1167
01:04:35,501 --> 01:04:37,545
My mother's cats. Mother's cats.
1168
01:04:37,712 --> 01:04:38,513
I'm sorry.
1169
01:04:38,537 --> 01:04:40,965
I'm still hard. Let's keep going.
Oh, yeah.
1170
01:04:41,507 --> 01:04:43,301
-DUFFY: You've never done this before?
-No.
1171
01:04:43,468 --> 01:04:45,136
-Feels so good.
-Yes.
1172
01:04:47,513 --> 01:04:49,223
Shut the fuck up.
1173
01:04:49,390 --> 01:04:50,391
No way, dude.
1174
01:04:50,558 --> 01:04:53,561
We dry humped last night
all over my room.
1175
01:04:53,728 --> 01:04:57,315
-She's writing a sex manual or something.
-Sex manual?
1176
01:04:57,774 --> 01:04:59,525
-All right.
-Uh-huh.
1177
01:05:00,151 --> 01:05:01,486
Thank you.
1178
01:05:06,657 --> 01:05:08,743
Uh, hey,
you got plans tonight?
1179
01:05:08,910 --> 01:05:10,912
Um...
1180
01:05:12,163 --> 01:05:16,667
[LOUDLY]
I don't know, Derrick.
Do we have plans tonight?
1181
01:05:18,336 --> 01:05:19,337
Uh...
1182
01:05:19,962 --> 01:05:22,799
-Sure.
-Ha-ha-ha.
1183
01:05:23,549 --> 01:05:25,760
You're so funny. Ha-ha-ha.
1184
01:05:27,303 --> 01:05:29,597
Walk me to my bike.
1185
01:05:29,764 --> 01:05:31,849
I did not say anything.
1186
01:05:35,394 --> 01:05:37,814
-Hey, where you going?
-I need some air.
1187
01:05:37,980 --> 01:05:39,982
But it's an outdoor pool.
1188
01:05:41,567 --> 01:05:43,444
I need air.
1189
01:05:45,279 --> 01:05:46,697
[COLLEEN GRACE ROURKE'S "GLASS
BOTTLE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
1190
01:05:46,864 --> 01:05:48,699
Welcome to Big Bun.
May I help you?
1191
01:05:48,866 --> 01:05:51,077
Double order of fish sticks,
a large RC Cola
1192
01:05:51,244 --> 01:05:53,955
and would either of you
like to go out on a date?
1193
01:05:59,001 --> 01:06:02,380
-I will.
-Whoa. Sisters before misters.
1194
01:06:02,588 --> 01:06:06,050
Oh. What? Come on, give me a break.
Brandy doesn't own Cameron, okay?
1195
01:06:06,217 --> 01:06:09,387
And she said herself
that she doesn't, like, "like" like him.
1196
01:06:09,595 --> 01:06:11,180
So it's an open playing field.
1197
01:06:11,973 --> 01:06:14,433
I've never been with someone
who wasn't circumcised,
1198
01:06:14,600 --> 01:06:17,061
and I wanna see if it's as gross
as she says.
1199
01:06:17,228 --> 01:06:18,896
CAMERON:
I can hear you.
1200
01:06:19,981 --> 01:06:23,025
♪ Can he move, whoa ♪♪
1201
01:06:23,192 --> 01:06:26,654
Hello? Hello?
1202
01:06:26,946 --> 01:06:32,160
Fiona, I can see you right now.
Is every woman in this world--? Aah!
1203
01:06:32,827 --> 01:06:35,413
You know what? Forget it. Forget it.
1204
01:06:35,663 --> 01:06:37,582
Stupid car won't work.
1205
01:06:37,748 --> 01:06:39,250
[CELINA GRAVES' "RAYON SUMMER"
PLAYING]
1206
01:06:39,417 --> 01:06:44,505
♪ It's a hot rayon summer
Too hot for school ♪♪
1207
01:06:44,672 --> 01:06:47,008
Let me get this straight,
1208
01:06:47,175 --> 01:06:49,468
you wanna go down on me?
1209
01:06:51,053 --> 01:06:54,891
Yeah, because I just got dumped
because I suck dick at eating pussy.
1210
01:06:55,057 --> 01:06:57,268
I just thought that if I practice,
1211
01:06:57,435 --> 01:07:00,104
then I could keep it
from happening again.
1212
01:07:00,271 --> 01:07:02,773
It's a lot harder than you think.
I don't know.
1213
01:07:02,940 --> 01:07:04,734
You know what? Forget this.
Forget it. It's--
1214
01:07:04,901 --> 01:07:06,277
Shh.
1215
01:07:06,944 --> 01:07:08,404
You had me at "eating pussy."
1216
01:07:10,781 --> 01:07:12,867
You had me at "eating pussy."
1217
01:07:13,576 --> 01:07:14,785
[♪♪♪]
1218
01:07:14,952 --> 01:07:17,079
-Uh-huh.
-DERRICK: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
1219
01:07:17,246 --> 01:07:20,082
Right. Okay.
1220
01:07:20,291 --> 01:07:21,292
Up a smidge.
1221
01:07:21,459 --> 01:07:23,377
[DERRICK SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
1222
01:07:23,544 --> 01:07:25,713
Okay, down a tad.
1223
01:07:25,880 --> 01:07:28,132
Yeah. Okay. Yeah, right there.
1224
01:07:28,299 --> 01:07:30,468
-BOY: It's not working.
-Yeah, it's working.
1225
01:07:30,676 --> 01:07:33,387
-BOY: No, it's not.
-Yeah, it's really working.
1226
01:07:33,554 --> 01:07:36,891
BOY: No, it's not.
My video won't play, Derrick.
1227
01:07:37,475 --> 01:07:38,809
DERRICK:
Was that good?
1228
01:07:39,977 --> 01:07:41,145
Oh. Ow. Mm.
1229
01:07:41,312 --> 01:07:43,814
-Is the TV on channel three?
-Yes.
1230
01:07:43,981 --> 01:07:47,443
-Well, make sure it's set to VCR, man.
-Okay.
1231
01:07:49,403 --> 01:07:52,323
-What you doing?
-DERRICK: Looking for my keys.
1232
01:07:52,490 --> 01:07:54,825
You need some help?
I mean, I can always help.
1233
01:07:54,992 --> 01:07:57,495
-No.
-I know, buddy, I know. Just get out.
1234
01:07:57,662 --> 01:07:59,247
All right, guys.
1235
01:08:00,289 --> 01:08:01,666
[DOOR CLOSES]
1236
01:08:02,500 --> 01:08:05,461
-I thought we were alone.
-Who, Benji?
1237
01:08:05,836 --> 01:08:09,966
He doesn't count.
He believes in monsters and shit.
1238
01:08:10,132 --> 01:08:12,760
-He's not a person.
-Okay, fine.
1239
01:08:33,698 --> 01:08:35,449
[LINE RINGING]
1240
01:08:36,742 --> 01:08:39,537
-MR. MITCHELL: Mitchell residence.
-Hello, Mr. Mitchell, it's Brandy.
1241
01:08:39,704 --> 01:08:40,997
Is Cameron there?
1242
01:08:41,163 --> 01:08:44,125
Yeah, I'm sorry, he's in his room
with the door locked,
1243
01:08:44,292 --> 01:08:47,795
and he's listening
to Sarah McLachlan.
1244
01:08:47,962 --> 01:08:51,340
-That bad, huh?
-Yeah. I would tell him you called
1245
01:08:51,507 --> 01:08:54,552
but we're not saying
your name around here.
1246
01:08:54,719 --> 01:08:57,638
Got it. Thanks anyways.
1247
01:08:57,805 --> 01:09:01,559
WENDY:
It's a three-day rental, so we can
watch it again tomorrow if you want.
1248
01:09:01,767 --> 01:09:03,811
-FIONA: I'm glad you talked me into this.
-Whoo!
1249
01:09:03,978 --> 01:09:06,564
-So excited for Beaches.
-Me too.
1250
01:09:06,772 --> 01:09:10,026
Guys, I brought Kleenex and stuff,
just in case we get emotional.
1251
01:09:10,192 --> 01:09:14,155
-Yes, Wendy, we know.
-What's after "titty fucked," cunni-what?
1252
01:09:14,322 --> 01:09:15,823
-Cunnilingus.
-What is that?
1253
01:09:15,990 --> 01:09:19,243
It's when a man stimulates
the female genitals with his mouth.
1254
01:09:19,410 --> 01:09:21,662
No shit. So Derrick ate you out?
1255
01:09:21,829 --> 01:09:25,750
Yeah. I prefer "cunnilingus," though.
"Eat out" reminds me of fast food.
1256
01:09:25,916 --> 01:09:28,711
Wow. Look at you.
That's a step away from sex.
1257
01:09:28,878 --> 01:09:30,379
-Yeah, I know.
-We should celebrate
1258
01:09:30,546 --> 01:09:33,591
-by watching Beaches.
-So, um...
1259
01:09:33,758 --> 01:09:36,844
now that you're like hooking up
with all these different guys,
1260
01:09:37,011 --> 01:09:39,680
is it cool if I go out
with Cameron?
1261
01:09:40,973 --> 01:09:44,435
-What? Cameron asked you out?
-He asked me out too,
1262
01:09:44,602 --> 01:09:47,104
but I said no
because you're my best friend,
1263
01:09:47,271 --> 01:09:49,899
and best friends don't let boys
get between them.
1264
01:09:50,649 --> 01:09:53,277
Speaking of that,
it's time for Beaches.
1265
01:09:53,444 --> 01:09:56,280
-Yeah, Beaches.
-WENDY: Yeah.
1266
01:09:56,447 --> 01:09:57,448
BRANDY:
Are you pressing the right button?
1267
01:09:57,615 --> 01:09:58,616
WENDY:
I think so.
1268
01:09:58,783 --> 01:10:01,786
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you dry hump Duffy?
1269
01:10:02,620 --> 01:10:04,497
-What?
-Yeah.
1270
01:10:04,663 --> 01:10:08,292
-What?
-He gave me two hickeys. One and one.
1271
01:10:08,459 --> 01:10:10,795
-Brandy.
-Ow.
1272
01:10:10,961 --> 01:10:13,255
-You know I, like, "like" like Duffy.
-Yeah.
1273
01:10:13,422 --> 01:10:16,467
-So? It's not like you're going out with him.
-So? What is wrong with you?
1274
01:10:16,634 --> 01:10:20,805
-Why are you spazzing out?
-Because it's ho's before bros, man.
1275
01:10:20,971 --> 01:10:22,223
You don't just go around
1276
01:10:22,390 --> 01:10:24,475
-hooking up with whoever. Pbbt!
-Whomever.
1277
01:10:24,642 --> 01:10:27,144
You're going out with Cameron,
so don't be a hypocrite.
1278
01:10:27,311 --> 01:10:30,147
Yeah, but I asked you first.
That's the difference.
1279
01:10:30,314 --> 01:10:34,902
I cannot believe that you would
choose a boy over our friendship.
1280
01:10:35,069 --> 01:10:37,988
-You don't deserve to watch Beaches.
-FIONA: No, she doesn't.
1281
01:10:38,155 --> 01:10:39,323
[TAPE CLATTERING]
1282
01:10:39,490 --> 01:10:42,410
-Don't say that.
-Let's go. Let's watch it at your place.
1283
01:10:42,576 --> 01:10:44,954
You guys. It's stuck, Wendy.
1284
01:10:45,121 --> 01:10:47,998
-Yeah, thanks, I can see that.
-Take it. Let's go.
1285
01:10:48,165 --> 01:10:50,251
-Don't take my VCR.
-FIONA: Come on.
1286
01:10:50,876 --> 01:10:53,963
-BRANDY: Wait. Come back.
-You better hope that tape isn't ruined.
1287
01:10:54,130 --> 01:10:56,173
-Fiona, come on, don't be--
-No, I'm sorry,
1288
01:10:56,340 --> 01:11:00,010
I don't understand you
because I don't speak slut.
1289
01:11:00,678 --> 01:11:02,513
[SCOFFS]
1290
01:11:02,763 --> 01:11:04,682
[♪♪♪]
1291
01:11:04,849 --> 01:11:08,352
-BRANDY: Willy, what happened?
-WILLY: Same shit every summer.
1292
01:11:08,519 --> 01:11:12,148
Oak Crest Country Club
pulls some stupid prank on us.
1293
01:11:12,356 --> 01:11:16,026
-It's an initiation for their new lifeguards.
-BRANDY: I can't believe they did that.
1294
01:11:16,193 --> 01:11:18,529
You were here all night
and you didn't hear them?
1295
01:11:18,696 --> 01:11:20,364
No.
1296
01:11:20,531 --> 01:11:24,326
God, man, Oak Crest,
those guys are good.
1297
01:11:24,910 --> 01:11:28,664
Yeah. Yeah,
that's a big kick in the nuts.
1298
01:11:28,831 --> 01:11:31,709
I'll have Rusty and Derrick
put it back up when they get here.
1299
01:11:31,876 --> 01:11:35,212
What? No, Willy,
we need to get them back.
1300
01:11:36,338 --> 01:11:42,011
Yeah, we need to get revenge.
I mean, real revenge.
1301
01:11:42,678 --> 01:11:45,681
-You mean, like--? Like kill them?
-What?
1302
01:11:45,848 --> 01:11:48,100
I think that's illegal.
I know a guy with a gun--
1303
01:11:48,267 --> 01:11:50,686
No, I mean like we need to get them
where it hurts.
1304
01:11:51,729 --> 01:11:54,273
Come on, you're our boss,
our leader.
1305
01:11:54,565 --> 01:11:57,985
This is your pool. If not you,
then who?
1306
01:11:58,152 --> 01:11:59,528
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1307
01:11:59,695 --> 01:12:02,406
Let's take a big fucking dump
on Oak Crest.
1308
01:12:02,573 --> 01:12:04,241
Let's get those fuckers.
1309
01:12:04,408 --> 01:12:07,244
Hey, Bernadette.
What's the plan?
1310
01:12:07,411 --> 01:12:08,787
[♪♪♪]
1311
01:12:08,954 --> 01:12:12,750
WILLY:
We're gonna blow this shit up.
We're gonna burn it to the ground.
1312
01:12:12,917 --> 01:12:14,418
-Rock.
-I see it, boss.
1313
01:12:14,585 --> 01:12:15,586
[LADDER CLANGING]
1314
01:12:15,753 --> 01:12:16,837
-Shh.
-It's a fucking ladder,
1315
01:12:17,004 --> 01:12:18,047
it's gonna make noise.
1316
01:12:18,214 --> 01:12:20,716
Go, go, go.
1317
01:12:27,264 --> 01:12:30,726
Holy shit. That is a fucking slide.
1318
01:12:31,560 --> 01:12:34,271
All right, Cameron.
All right.
1319
01:12:34,605 --> 01:12:35,606
[GRUNTS]
1320
01:12:35,773 --> 01:12:37,441
Nice.
1321
01:12:37,608 --> 01:12:41,445
BRANDY:
Approaching perimeter.
Cameron, what's your status? Over.
1322
01:12:41,612 --> 01:12:45,449
He's not talking to you right now.
Over. Shit, this thing's hot.
1323
01:12:45,616 --> 01:12:49,453
You can't let personal issues get in
the way of work. Act professional. Over.
1324
01:12:49,620 --> 01:12:53,791
You can't see him,
but he's flipping you off
right now. Over.
1325
01:12:53,999 --> 01:12:56,460
Whatever. Just get into position.
Over.
1326
01:12:56,627 --> 01:13:01,048
It's fucking scary in here, man.
What are you looking for?
1327
01:13:01,215 --> 01:13:02,967
Just some sort of knob.
1328
01:13:03,133 --> 01:13:06,303
Why do they have all these things
in their pool? What does it do?
1329
01:13:06,470 --> 01:13:08,973
-We don't have any of these.
-How do you not know this?
1330
01:13:09,306 --> 01:13:10,933
Come on.
1331
01:13:11,350 --> 01:13:12,768
[SIGHS]
1332
01:13:12,935 --> 01:13:14,770
Shit, there it is.
1333
01:13:15,479 --> 01:13:17,523
WILLY:
All right, we found it. Over.
1334
01:13:26,448 --> 01:13:29,451
On my count, guys. In one,
1335
01:13:30,035 --> 01:13:32,162
-Ugh.
-two, three.
1336
01:13:32,329 --> 01:13:34,832
Oh, yeah. Spin that bitch.
1337
01:13:41,046 --> 01:13:44,675
-That good?
-How's that?
1338
01:13:44,842 --> 01:13:48,679
BRANDY:
Guys, you have to see this. Come on
out here. Even you, Cameron. Over.
1339
01:13:48,846 --> 01:13:50,180
Screw you, Brandy.
1340
01:13:53,809 --> 01:13:56,186
Shit, newbie, you are as smart
as you think you are.
1341
01:13:56,353 --> 01:13:58,314
This is gonna be
some serious payback.
1342
01:14:01,734 --> 01:14:04,236
-What?
-Nothing.
1343
01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:11,660
-We doing this?
-What?
1344
01:14:14,038 --> 01:14:16,707
-Come on.
-Yeah.
1345
01:14:16,874 --> 01:14:18,042
Yeah, let's do this.
1346
01:14:19,877 --> 01:14:21,795
I'll just take my clothes off too.
1347
01:14:26,467 --> 01:14:27,676
Take your time.
1348
01:14:27,843 --> 01:14:30,304
Why don't you talk to her,
instead of being a grumpy Gus?
1349
01:14:30,471 --> 01:14:32,723
-I am not a grumpy Gus.
-Yes, you are.
1350
01:14:32,890 --> 01:14:34,725
-No, I'm not.
-You wanna hear a riddle?
1351
01:14:34,892 --> 01:14:37,394
-Why did Eddie Vedder cross the road?
-Why?
1352
01:14:37,561 --> 01:14:40,648
[IMITATING EDDIE VEDDER]
To get to the other side.
Hey, hey, hey!
1353
01:14:40,814 --> 01:14:41,899
Jeremy spoke!
1354
01:14:42,066 --> 01:14:43,192
Who's that supposed to be?
1355
01:14:43,359 --> 01:14:44,902
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Who's that? That's Eddie Vedder.
1356
01:14:45,069 --> 01:14:47,237
-That's not the face Vedder makes.
-Have you seen the "Jeremy" video?
1357
01:14:47,488 --> 01:14:49,531
I've seen the "Jeremy" video,
that's not the face he makes.
1358
01:14:49,698 --> 01:14:52,576
That is the face he makes. I get why
Brandy wants nothing to do with you.
1359
01:14:52,743 --> 01:14:55,329
Fuck you, man. Bitch.
1360
01:14:56,330 --> 01:14:59,166
One, two, three.
1361
01:14:59,333 --> 01:15:00,417
[BOTH WHOOPING]
1362
01:15:00,584 --> 01:15:02,670
[HOUSE OF LOVE'S "I DON'T KNOW
WHY I LOVE YOU" PLAYING]
1363
01:15:02,836 --> 01:15:04,254
[RUSTY LAUGHING]
1364
01:15:09,677 --> 01:15:13,180
-Oh, not again.
-What is this?
1365
01:15:13,764 --> 01:15:17,768
-This thing is like a life preserver.
-Jerk. Give it back.
1366
01:15:17,935 --> 01:15:21,563
You want it? Too bad.
I like you better without it.
1367
01:15:21,730 --> 01:15:24,608
I cannot believe you just did that.
1368
01:15:24,775 --> 01:15:30,781
♪ Don't know why I love you
I don't know why I care ♪
1369
01:15:30,948 --> 01:15:35,035
Excuse me.
Better ask permission next time.
1370
01:15:35,703 --> 01:15:36,745
Next time?
1371
01:15:36,995 --> 01:15:40,082
♪ But I don't know why I love you ♪
1372
01:15:42,793 --> 01:15:44,962
[GRUNTING]
1373
01:15:45,129 --> 01:15:47,881
Fuck you, Oak Crest.
Ha-ha-ha.
1374
01:15:49,299 --> 01:15:50,634
♪ How can I get close to you ♪
1375
01:15:50,801 --> 01:15:54,304
[CHEERING AND WHOOPING]
1376
01:15:54,471 --> 01:15:56,640
♪ When you got no mercy
No, you got no ♪
1377
01:15:56,807 --> 01:15:58,100
WILLY:
Busted.
1378
01:15:58,517 --> 01:16:01,478
I'm gonna take a shit
in their fucking pool, man.
1379
01:16:01,937 --> 01:16:03,147
♪ I don't know why I love you ♪♪
1380
01:16:03,313 --> 01:16:04,440
[♪♪♪]
1381
01:16:10,320 --> 01:16:13,407
What happened here?
1382
01:16:16,326 --> 01:16:17,745
Um...
1383
01:16:20,998 --> 01:16:22,040
Oh...
1384
01:16:22,207 --> 01:16:25,836
You're gonna look me in the eye
and deny all of this, huh?
1385
01:16:29,089 --> 01:16:30,466
That doesn't prove anything.
1386
01:16:36,638 --> 01:16:39,516
You wrote your name in this?
Who does that?
1387
01:16:39,683 --> 01:16:41,685
I'm sorry. I'm going to college.
1388
01:16:41,852 --> 01:16:44,313
You're supposed to write your name
on everything in case it gets lost.
1389
01:16:44,480 --> 01:16:48,525
Look, your little prank
ruined our filtration system.
1390
01:16:48,692 --> 01:16:51,445
-Not our problem.
-Well, it's gonna be your problem
1391
01:16:51,612 --> 01:16:54,698
when I report you
to the Parks Department.
1392
01:16:54,865 --> 01:16:57,493
Hey, friend? Hey, buddy,
don't do that, okay? Please.
1393
01:16:57,659 --> 01:17:01,371
Look, the only way I won't call them
1394
01:17:01,538 --> 01:17:05,125
is if you send
a handwritten apology note,
1395
01:17:05,292 --> 01:17:07,544
you promise
these pranks stop today,
1396
01:17:07,878 --> 01:17:09,880
and you fire old double-D here.
1397
01:17:10,506 --> 01:17:12,674
-No one's getting fired.
-Brandy, you're fired.
1398
01:17:12,841 --> 01:17:15,552
I'm gonna have to go to Office Max
for the other stuff.
1399
01:17:15,719 --> 01:17:21,308
Are you kidding me, Willy?
I'm your best employee.
I taught you how to swim.
1400
01:17:21,475 --> 01:17:23,811
-What?
-I'm sorry, I can't lose my job.
1401
01:17:23,977 --> 01:17:25,229
This is unbelievable.
1402
01:17:25,395 --> 01:17:26,563
[GIN BLOSSOMS' "29" PLAYING]
1403
01:17:26,730 --> 01:17:31,026
All summer everyone's
been telling me
to loosen up and relax
1404
01:17:31,193 --> 01:17:33,779
and not think so much and...
1405
01:17:33,946 --> 01:17:35,739
Well, fuck that.
1406
01:17:36,573 --> 01:17:38,242
And fuck you too.
1407
01:17:40,244 --> 01:17:41,578
[DOOR CLOSES]
1408
01:17:42,454 --> 01:17:44,248
-Want a beer?
-No.
1409
01:17:44,581 --> 01:17:48,961
♪ Time won't stand by forever ♪
1410
01:17:49,127 --> 01:17:52,047
♪ if I know it's true ♪
1411
01:17:53,215 --> 01:17:57,678
♪ And I've learned not to say never♪
1412
01:17:57,845 --> 01:18:00,806
♪ Else I'll seem the fool ♪
1413
01:18:02,057 --> 01:18:06,395
♪ At 29 you'd think I'd know better♪
1414
01:18:06,562 --> 01:18:09,439
♪ Living like a kid ♪
1415
01:18:12,025 --> 01:18:14,611
Oh, come on,
don't look at me like that.
1416
01:18:15,279 --> 01:18:16,697
♪ Is when I fall for it ♪
1417
01:18:16,864 --> 01:18:18,949
MRS. KLARK:
Honey, can I speak with you?
1418
01:18:19,116 --> 01:18:20,450
♪ Only time will tell ♪♪
1419
01:18:20,617 --> 01:18:25,289
-This whole thing has been so painful.
-Mm.
1420
01:18:25,539 --> 01:18:28,750
Cameron was crying afterwards.
1421
01:18:28,917 --> 01:18:31,336
They always do.
1422
01:18:31,503 --> 01:18:35,132
You know, boys are just really
more sensitive than they let on.
1423
01:18:35,299 --> 01:18:37,426
-Your father included.
-Hm.
1424
01:18:38,093 --> 01:18:40,345
Which reminds me,
don't say anything
1425
01:18:40,512 --> 01:18:44,516
but I have planned a pretty sexy
surprise for us for our anniversary.
1426
01:18:44,683 --> 01:18:46,727
Mom, I don't wanna hear
about you and Dad--
1427
01:18:46,894 --> 01:18:49,271
Having intercourse? Noted.
1428
01:18:50,314 --> 01:18:53,650
Honey, listen,
as you move forward
1429
01:18:54,526 --> 01:18:58,405
on your sexual journey,
just promise me one thing.
1430
01:18:59,072 --> 01:19:02,618
-To have fun?
-To use lube.
1431
01:19:04,161 --> 01:19:06,455
Doesn't always have to be painful.
1432
01:19:08,165 --> 01:19:11,251
I wish my mother had given me lube
when I was your age.
1433
01:19:11,418 --> 01:19:13,420
[♪♪♪]
1434
01:19:14,755 --> 01:19:18,675
-Where exactly do I--?
-In the vagina, sweetie.
1435
01:19:18,967 --> 01:19:20,677
Thanks, Mom.
1436
01:19:20,844 --> 01:19:23,388
[PHONE RINGING]
1437
01:19:23,555 --> 01:19:25,057
I got it.
1438
01:19:26,808 --> 01:19:27,851
Boise Pool.
1439
01:19:28,185 --> 01:19:30,520
-Rusty Waters, please.
-DERRICK: Brandy?
1440
01:19:30,771 --> 01:19:32,272
Yes. Rusty, please.
1441
01:19:33,357 --> 01:19:37,361
Uh, Rusty, it's Brandy.
She wants to talk to you.
1442
01:19:38,779 --> 01:19:42,032
Hey, newbie. Heard you got fired.
That sucks.
1443
01:19:42,532 --> 01:19:46,536
Yeah, I know. It'll be tough explaining
the employment gap in my résumé
1444
01:19:46,787 --> 01:19:51,375
but anyway,
would you like to go out with me?
1445
01:19:52,042 --> 01:19:53,502
Uh...
1446
01:19:54,211 --> 01:19:58,048
Why not? I'll pick you up after work.
1447
01:19:58,215 --> 01:20:00,092
-Cool.
-Cool.
1448
01:20:00,258 --> 01:20:01,885
Very cool.
1449
01:20:03,387 --> 01:20:04,846
AMBER:
What'd he say?
1450
01:20:07,015 --> 01:20:09,226
-Yes.
-He did?
1451
01:20:09,393 --> 01:20:13,105
Yes! He said yes.
Technically, he said "why not."
1452
01:20:13,271 --> 01:20:14,856
But who cares about semantics.
1453
01:20:15,023 --> 01:20:19,569
Because Rusty Waters said yes to me,
Brandy Klark, and we're gonna--
1454
01:20:19,736 --> 01:20:21,822
Brandy, are you trying to do
the Roger Rabbit?
1455
01:20:21,989 --> 01:20:24,574
-Yeah.
-That's not the Roger Rabbit.
1456
01:20:24,825 --> 01:20:26,660
This is the Roger Rabbit.
1457
01:20:30,580 --> 01:20:33,417
Maybe the Running Man
would be easier for you.
1458
01:20:33,583 --> 01:20:34,626
Shit.
1459
01:20:36,628 --> 01:20:40,257
-So you're taking Brandy out, huh?
-I guess so.
1460
01:20:40,424 --> 01:20:43,051
Awesome. Good for her.
Still working on that sex manual.
1461
01:20:43,552 --> 01:20:46,763
-Yeah-- What? Sex manual?
-Oh, you didn't know?
1462
01:20:47,848 --> 01:20:49,224
Dude, check this out.
1463
01:20:49,391 --> 01:20:52,436
She's writing some sort of sex
encyclopedia or something like that.
1464
01:20:52,602 --> 01:20:55,856
It's like she can do whatever
and it's research. It's awesome.
1465
01:20:56,023 --> 01:20:59,860
She wants to have, like, a good orgasm,
and, like, it's such a mature quest.
1466
01:21:00,819 --> 01:21:03,280
-Did you know about this?
-No.
1467
01:21:03,447 --> 01:21:05,782
You learn something new
at the pool every day. Ha, ha.
1468
01:21:06,074 --> 01:21:07,409
Wow.
1469
01:21:08,076 --> 01:21:10,245
-I look--
-Good enough to fuck.
1470
01:21:10,412 --> 01:21:12,622
[SHAYNE BLUE'S "GOOD THING" PLAYING]
1471
01:21:12,789 --> 01:21:14,708
I wasn't gonna put it that way, but...
1472
01:21:14,958 --> 01:21:16,460
[SIGHS]
1473
01:21:18,003 --> 01:21:20,589
-Does it hurt the first time?
-Not if you chug a beer
1474
01:21:20,756 --> 01:21:22,299
and use the lube Mom gave you.
1475
01:21:22,466 --> 01:21:26,344
-She gave you the lube, right?
-Yes. That was weird.
1476
01:21:27,471 --> 01:21:29,473
But helpful.
1477
01:21:30,891 --> 01:21:34,561
Hey, are you okay? I noticed
you stopped eating your SnackWells.
1478
01:21:34,728 --> 01:21:37,773
Chippy cheated on me. With strippers.
1479
01:21:37,939 --> 01:21:39,441
[SIGHS]
1480
01:21:39,608 --> 01:21:42,903
-You gonna call off the wedding?
-I want to, but he won't call me back.
1481
01:21:43,070 --> 01:21:45,405
Word of advice, don't fall in love.
1482
01:21:45,572 --> 01:21:47,491
Getting your heart broken
fucking sucks.
1483
01:21:47,657 --> 01:21:49,910
Yes, so I've heard.
1484
01:21:50,702 --> 01:21:53,330
-Okay.
-Hey, have fun popping your cherry.
1485
01:21:54,331 --> 01:21:55,874
I will.
1486
01:21:56,208 --> 01:21:58,335
And I want you to know that...
1487
01:21:59,044 --> 01:22:01,963
I wouldn't be having sex tonight
if it weren't for you.
1488
01:22:02,130 --> 01:22:04,341
-Really?
-Really.
1489
01:22:05,258 --> 01:22:07,135
Thanks, Brandy, I really needed that.
1490
01:22:09,513 --> 01:22:12,557
What's it gonna feel like?
I'll figure it out.
1491
01:22:12,724 --> 01:22:14,184
Enjoy your penis.
1492
01:22:14,351 --> 01:22:16,353
[TONY BUNCE'S "PURPLE SKY" PLAYING]
1493
01:22:30,909 --> 01:22:32,577
Here you go.
1494
01:22:33,537 --> 01:22:34,871
[GRUNTS]
1495
01:22:35,038 --> 01:22:39,918
♪ Lost in the lives they left behind ♪
1496
01:22:40,418 --> 01:22:44,297
♪ The daydreamer, the only one ♪
1497
01:22:44,464 --> 01:22:47,968
♪ The only one can keep it alive ♪
1498
01:22:49,344 --> 01:22:51,721
You, uh, want another one?
1499
01:22:51,972 --> 01:22:54,766
No, thank you. One is my limit.
1500
01:22:57,978 --> 01:23:00,021
Hey, look, there's, um...
1501
01:23:00,772 --> 01:23:03,233
There's something
I really wanna ask you.
1502
01:23:03,400 --> 01:23:05,068
Shoot.
1503
01:23:05,569 --> 01:23:07,654
Can I kiss you?
1504
01:23:08,989 --> 01:23:13,994
I know you can kiss me,
but may you kiss me?
1505
01:23:15,287 --> 01:23:16,663
Oh.
1506
01:23:18,331 --> 01:23:20,584
-What?
-Forget it. You can definitely kiss me.
1507
01:23:20,750 --> 01:23:22,085
Cool.
1508
01:23:22,335 --> 01:23:27,007
♪ Sitting all alone
On the top of a mountain ♪♪
1509
01:23:27,174 --> 01:23:29,718
[KNOCKING]
1510
01:23:30,719 --> 01:23:34,264
[DOORBELL RINGING
AND CONTINUES KNOCKING]
1511
01:23:35,807 --> 01:23:37,684
AMBER:
Shit, I'm coming, all right?
1512
01:23:39,144 --> 01:23:42,939
-Oh. Hey, uh...? Hey, is Brandy here?
-No.
1513
01:23:43,690 --> 01:23:47,444
Um... I think she might be
in some trouble
and I need to talk to her.
1514
01:23:47,611 --> 01:23:49,279
Can I wait here? Is that cool?
1515
01:23:51,448 --> 01:23:53,283
You got a dick under that poncho?
1516
01:23:55,035 --> 01:23:56,286
Why?
1517
01:23:58,330 --> 01:24:00,332
[THE CRANBERRIES' "DREAMS" PLAYING]
1518
01:24:07,047 --> 01:24:09,299
Maybe we should get a condom.
1519
01:24:09,466 --> 01:24:12,677
Good idea.
Last thing we need's a baby, right?
1520
01:24:12,844 --> 01:24:14,638
Or AIDS.
1521
01:24:23,438 --> 01:24:27,317
-I need to tell you something.
-It's okay.
1522
01:24:27,484 --> 01:24:30,153
I know you're a virgin.
I'll be gentle, okay?
1523
01:24:30,320 --> 01:24:33,990
No, not that.
I mean, I am a virgin, but...
1524
01:24:35,492 --> 01:24:37,285
I wanna be on top.
1525
01:24:37,869 --> 01:24:40,497
It'll increase my chance
of orgasm by 40 percent.
1526
01:24:41,414 --> 01:24:44,125
Those are some good odds.
1527
01:24:45,669 --> 01:24:52,259
♪ And, oh, my dreams
It's never quite as it seems ♪
1528
01:24:53,051 --> 01:24:57,013
♪ Never quite as it seems ♪
1529
01:24:57,180 --> 01:24:59,474
-You good?
-Yeah.
1530
01:24:59,641 --> 01:25:02,727
♪ I know I've felt like this before ♪
1531
01:25:02,894 --> 01:25:05,689
[RUSTY MOANING]
1532
01:25:07,857 --> 01:25:11,027
♪ Because it came from you ♪
1533
01:25:11,194 --> 01:25:13,196
[BOTH MOANING]
1534
01:25:14,531 --> 01:25:19,869
♪ And then I open up and see
The person falling here is me ♪♪
1535
01:25:20,036 --> 01:25:23,456
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
1536
01:25:23,707 --> 01:25:28,712
Oh! Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
1537
01:25:29,671 --> 01:25:31,089
[SIGHING]
1538
01:25:31,923 --> 01:25:36,761
-Did you just--?
-Yeah. Didn't you?
1539
01:25:36,928 --> 01:25:38,596
-Have an orgasm?
-Yeah.
1540
01:25:38,763 --> 01:25:40,640
No. That was like less than a minute.
1541
01:25:41,725 --> 01:25:42,892
Shit.
1542
01:25:43,059 --> 01:25:46,271
[JAMES' "LAID" PLAYING]
1543
01:25:46,438 --> 01:25:48,481
[MAN GRUNTING]
1544
01:25:52,235 --> 01:25:53,320
[SHRIEKS]
1545
01:25:53,486 --> 01:25:55,196
♪ This bed is on fire
With passionate love ♪
1546
01:25:55,363 --> 01:25:58,575
-You've gotta be kidding me.
-Look, I usually last like way longer.
1547
01:25:58,742 --> 01:26:01,036
You just really got me,
like, riled up, okay?
1548
01:26:01,202 --> 01:26:03,580
Just please take me home now.
1549
01:26:03,747 --> 01:26:07,500
Look, if you just wait like two minutes,
like, he'll be ready to go again.
1550
01:26:07,792 --> 01:26:09,252
I think I just saw Brandy.
1551
01:26:09,586 --> 01:26:11,046
♪ My therapist said ♪♪
1552
01:26:11,212 --> 01:26:13,740
Oh, no. I'm certain that's not Brandy.
1553
01:26:13,764 --> 01:26:17,093
Brandy's with Cameron
and he drives a Ford Festiva.
1554
01:26:17,260 --> 01:26:19,054
Why are you certain
she's with Cameron?
1555
01:26:19,220 --> 01:26:20,430
I gave her the lube and--
1556
01:26:20,597 --> 01:26:24,225
You gave her the lube?
You had your talk with her, didn't you?
1557
01:26:24,392 --> 01:26:26,603
Of course I did.
If I waited for you to do it,
1558
01:26:26,770 --> 01:26:29,773
she would be 40
before she has her first orgasm.
1559
01:26:29,939 --> 01:26:32,609
This is really decent of you.
It's cool of you to do this.
1560
01:26:32,776 --> 01:26:36,196
-Stop talking to me.
-Okay. Sorry.
1561
01:26:37,405 --> 01:26:39,741
You're just doing me a real solid,
that's all.
1562
01:26:39,908 --> 01:26:43,828
I might look like a rock star, but I'm
really a pretty traditional type of guy.
1563
01:26:43,995 --> 01:26:46,498
You know,
like a missionary type of guy.
1564
01:26:46,664 --> 01:26:49,209
Like a good old-fashioned
me on top, you on bottom.
1565
01:26:49,376 --> 01:26:52,462
Not like this crazy-- You're super
aggressive. I mean, come on.
1566
01:26:52,629 --> 01:26:55,423
Look, I'm a pretty sensitive
dude, all right?
1567
01:26:55,590 --> 01:26:57,467
I'm a meat-and-potatoes
type of guy.
1568
01:26:57,634 --> 01:26:59,219
You jerk!
1569
01:27:00,136 --> 01:27:02,847
-Cameron?
-Jerk face. Ow!
1570
01:27:03,014 --> 01:27:06,810
Cameron, calm down.
Please calm down.
1571
01:27:06,976 --> 01:27:10,230
No, I will not calm down.
Did you make love with him?
1572
01:27:10,522 --> 01:27:14,275
Yeah, dude. We did it.
Put the meat right in the taco.
1573
01:27:14,442 --> 01:27:16,277
-Get off me.
-RUSTY: Oh, yeah.
1574
01:27:16,444 --> 01:27:17,987
I can't believe I was so stupid.
1575
01:27:19,155 --> 01:27:20,490
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
1576
01:27:20,698 --> 01:27:25,870
I get it. It's not having sex
that's a big deal, it's this.
1577
01:27:26,037 --> 01:27:29,082
All these feelings and
emotional crap.
1578
01:27:29,249 --> 01:27:32,168
That's why it's better if you
leave feelings and shit out of it.
1579
01:27:32,335 --> 01:27:35,380
Feelings are everything,
Brandy. Ow!
1580
01:27:36,047 --> 01:27:39,342
Why don't you wait
until you've done it once, virgin?
1581
01:27:39,509 --> 01:27:41,678
Then you'll see that sex
isn't such a big deal.
1582
01:27:41,845 --> 01:27:44,639
-How do you know I haven't had sex?
-RUSTY: Look at you.
1583
01:27:44,806 --> 01:27:47,308
-Look at you!
-Hey, stop it. Stop it.
1584
01:27:47,475 --> 01:27:49,352
You're animals.
And you are wrong.
1585
01:27:49,519 --> 01:27:51,521
-CAMERON: Yeah, you're wrong.
-Feelings matter.
1586
01:27:51,688 --> 01:27:54,691
And having sex
with the right person is a big deal.
1587
01:27:54,858 --> 01:27:55,859
[♪♪♪]
1588
01:27:56,025 --> 01:28:00,697
Cameron, come here.
Look, I owe you an apology.
1589
01:28:01,197 --> 01:28:04,742
People talk about sex all the time
like it's no big deal
1590
01:28:05,535 --> 01:28:07,708
but when you haven't done it,
1591
01:28:07,732 --> 01:28:10,582
when you're a virgin,
it is a big deal.
1592
01:28:11,082 --> 01:28:15,962
And I think the list was me
trying not to mess up.
1593
01:28:17,505 --> 01:28:19,799
But I did mess up.
1594
01:28:19,966 --> 01:28:24,429
I messed up when I hurt you.
And I'm really sorry.
1595
01:28:25,555 --> 01:28:29,350
Well, I still can't believe
you chose Rusty over me.
1596
01:28:29,517 --> 01:28:31,895
-Dude, I'm standing right here.
-Shut up, Rusty.
1597
01:28:32,061 --> 01:28:34,647
You wanna go, Growing Pains?
You retarded Zack Morris.
1598
01:28:34,814 --> 01:28:37,358
-CAMERON: Rusty, shut up.
-Both of you shut up. Both of you shut up.
1599
01:28:38,026 --> 01:28:39,569
Cameron...
1600
01:28:40,236 --> 01:28:44,949
you are super nice and cute
1601
01:28:45,116 --> 01:28:48,244
and kind and reliable.
1602
01:28:48,411 --> 01:28:51,748
You're the kind of guy a girl
would love to be in a relationship with.
1603
01:28:51,915 --> 01:28:54,417
-Will I regret messing that up?
-Probably yes.
1604
01:28:54,584 --> 01:28:58,755
No. No. I'm a teenager.
1605
01:28:58,922 --> 01:29:01,382
Teenagers don't have regrets.
1606
01:29:01,549 --> 01:29:03,009
That's for your 30s.
1607
01:29:04,344 --> 01:29:07,931
And, Rusty, Rusty, Rusty.
1608
01:29:08,097 --> 01:29:09,432
[SCOFFS]
1609
01:29:10,016 --> 01:29:13,186
You are superhot and ripped,
1610
01:29:13,561 --> 01:29:18,358
and you play the guitar
and I can't believe I had sex with you.
1611
01:29:19,526 --> 01:29:21,611
Am I gonna regret
losing my virginity to you?
1612
01:29:21,778 --> 01:29:23,488
Probably. Most girls do.
1613
01:29:23,655 --> 01:29:25,949
No. Definitely not.
1614
01:29:26,115 --> 01:29:30,286
You are gonna be
an awesome story to tell
my friends.
1615
01:29:30,828 --> 01:29:32,121
All right.
1616
01:29:32,372 --> 01:29:33,831
[SIGHS]
1617
01:29:34,958 --> 01:29:37,001
Speaking of which,
1618
01:29:37,168 --> 01:29:39,712
that is where I should be right now.
1619
01:29:39,879 --> 01:29:42,799
With my friends. Not here.
1620
01:29:42,966 --> 01:29:45,969
[TEARS FOR FEARS'
"BREAK IT DOWN AGAIN" PLAYING]
1621
01:29:46,803 --> 01:29:48,179
♪ Here we go ♪
1622
01:29:48,388 --> 01:29:50,890
Carry on, men.
1623
01:29:51,057 --> 01:29:52,725
You're animals.
1624
01:29:52,892 --> 01:29:54,978
♪ Break it down again ♪
1625
01:29:57,021 --> 01:29:59,315
♪ So those are my dreams ♪
1626
01:29:59,482 --> 01:30:01,609
[CAR APPROACHING]
1627
01:30:01,818 --> 01:30:02,944
Oh, ship.
1628
01:30:03,903 --> 01:30:06,072
♪ Headstrong like a horse ♪
1629
01:30:06,239 --> 01:30:08,283
♪ When it's all mixed up
Better break it down ♪♪
1630
01:30:08,449 --> 01:30:09,826
[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
1631
01:30:09,993 --> 01:30:12,287
Put a vibrator in her stocking,
for God's sakes?
1632
01:30:12,453 --> 01:30:14,664
No, I was saving it
for her birthday.
1633
01:30:14,831 --> 01:30:16,499
-I'm coming, honey.
-Wait.
1634
01:30:16,666 --> 01:30:19,460
Just because you have lube,
doesn't mean you have to use it.
1635
01:30:19,627 --> 01:30:26,009
Wait. Ow, ow. George.
Ow. Wait.
1636
01:30:26,593 --> 01:30:27,635
[WILLY GRUNTING]
1637
01:30:27,802 --> 01:30:29,137
WILLY:
I'm really-- I'm there.
1638
01:30:31,014 --> 01:30:33,141
-JUDGE KLARK: Amber.
-Dad!
1639
01:30:33,308 --> 01:30:38,104
Dad? Hey. Hey, Mr. Klark.
Hey, I'm Willy.
1640
01:30:38,605 --> 01:30:40,023
-Judge.
-Judge, that's right.
1641
01:30:40,189 --> 01:30:42,275
-Judge Klark.
-You're a fucking judge.
1642
01:30:42,442 --> 01:30:47,196
Hey, uh, look, I'm Brandy's boss
at the pool and, uh... Um...
1643
01:30:47,447 --> 01:30:49,949
She's a great girl, by the way.
And so is this one.
1644
01:30:50,116 --> 01:30:53,453
You've raised two amazing,
amazing daughters.
1645
01:30:53,620 --> 01:30:55,872
I want you off my house
and out of my daughter!
1646
01:30:56,039 --> 01:30:59,042
-Dad, gross.
-You know what I mean.
1647
01:31:05,381 --> 01:31:07,717
-Anything else I can do for you, sir?
-Right now!
1648
01:31:07,884 --> 01:31:10,511
-I just did it.
-Amber.
1649
01:31:10,845 --> 01:31:12,722
-Mom.
-That's not Chip.
1650
01:31:12,889 --> 01:31:16,017
No shit, Mom.
Get the fuck out of my room!
1651
01:31:16,184 --> 01:31:20,063
No, leave it. Just leave it.
Finish up, please.
1652
01:31:20,229 --> 01:31:22,857
I'm the one who won't live to see
my daughter grow into a woman
1653
01:31:23,024 --> 01:31:24,984
who won't be able to protect her
from the world.
1654
01:31:25,151 --> 01:31:29,906
And I hate it. I hate that
she'd rather be with you,
who has energy, who is fun.
1655
01:31:30,198 --> 01:31:31,824
You told me to play with her.
1656
01:31:31,991 --> 01:31:34,702
I know I did, but I didn’t know
it was gonna make me feel like this.
1657
01:31:34,869 --> 01:31:37,914
GIRL:
♪ It must have been cold there
In my shadow ♪
1658
01:31:38,081 --> 01:31:40,079
Okay, you know what?
You can't handle this.
1659
01:31:40,103 --> 01:31:41,000
I'm turning it off.
1660
01:31:41,250 --> 01:31:42,710
-No, I can handle it.
-No, you can't.
1661
01:31:42,877 --> 01:31:45,254
Look at you, you're a mess.
1662
01:31:45,421 --> 01:31:47,674
♪ On your face ♪
1663
01:31:48,925 --> 01:31:52,345
♪ You were content to let me shine ♪
1664
01:31:52,512 --> 01:31:53,596
What the hell are you doing?
1665
01:31:53,763 --> 01:31:54,847
♪ That's your way ♪
1666
01:31:55,014 --> 01:31:56,599
I don't want her here.
1667
01:31:56,766 --> 01:31:58,559
She said she doesn't want you.
Get out.
1668
01:31:58,726 --> 01:32:02,105
♪ So I was the one with all the glory ♪
1669
01:32:03,523 --> 01:32:06,401
♪ But you were the ones
With all the strength ♪
1670
01:32:06,567 --> 01:32:09,278
Okay, Jesus, stop.
What's wrong with you?
1671
01:32:09,445 --> 01:32:12,573
You think you can start singing
and we're gonna forgive you?
1672
01:32:12,740 --> 01:32:14,075
It doesn't work like that, okay?
1673
01:32:14,242 --> 01:32:19,622
♪ Did you ever know
That you're my hero? ♪
1674
01:32:20,832 --> 01:32:21,916
Wendy.
1675
01:32:22,166 --> 01:32:28,005
BOTH:
♪ You're everything I would like to be ♪
1676
01:32:28,715 --> 01:32:34,303
♪ I can fly higher than an eagle ♪
1677
01:32:34,595 --> 01:32:39,809
♪ 'Cause you are
The wind beneath my wings ♪
1678
01:32:39,976 --> 01:32:43,813
♪ Oh, you, you, you ♪
1679
01:32:44,522 --> 01:32:48,860
♪ You are the wind beneath my wings ♪
1680
01:32:49,068 --> 01:32:52,447
-Fiona.
-I don't know the words.
1681
01:32:52,613 --> 01:32:55,324
-Yes, you do.
-Yes, you do.
1682
01:32:56,826 --> 01:33:00,079
♪ Fly ♪
1683
01:33:00,246 --> 01:33:03,916
ALL:
♪ Fly ♪
1684
01:33:04,083 --> 01:33:07,837
♪ So high against the sky ♪
1685
01:33:08,004 --> 01:33:12,008
♪ So high I almost touched the sky ♪
1686
01:33:12,675 --> 01:33:18,097
♪ Thank you
Thank God for you ♪
1687
01:33:18,264 --> 01:33:29,317
♪ The wind beneath my wings ♪♪
1688
01:33:29,776 --> 01:33:31,652
[ALL LAUGHING]
1689
01:33:32,528 --> 01:33:35,239
That was super gay.
Oh, my God.
1690
01:33:35,406 --> 01:33:38,785
Don't tell anyone we did this.
I'm serious.
1691
01:33:38,951 --> 01:33:42,789
-I'm really sorry, you guys.
-We know. We know.
1692
01:33:42,955 --> 01:33:46,083
Also, I fucked Rusty Waters.
1693
01:33:46,250 --> 01:33:48,669
-Well... Look at you.
-How was it?
1694
01:33:48,836 --> 01:33:50,213
Yeah.
1695
01:33:50,379 --> 01:33:51,798
It was quick.
1696
01:33:51,964 --> 01:33:53,382
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
1697
01:33:53,549 --> 01:33:56,719
Brandy, please tell me
you were not getting pregnant tonight.
1698
01:33:56,886 --> 01:33:59,305
-Don't worry, she was here.
-Don't worry, she used a condom.
1699
01:34:00,723 --> 01:34:03,017
Can we please talk
in the hallway, Dad?
1700
01:34:04,393 --> 01:34:06,187
FIONA:
It's okay.
1701
01:34:06,354 --> 01:34:07,897
-Just lie.
-[MOUTHS] I'm sorry.
1702
01:34:08,064 --> 01:34:09,607
FIONA:
You're gonna be okay.
1703
01:34:11,734 --> 01:34:13,194
Let me just start by saying
1704
01:34:13,361 --> 01:34:18,366
if you ever need to talk about
birth control or rubbers or--
1705
01:34:18,533 --> 01:34:20,868
Did you at least use the lube
that your mother--?
1706
01:34:21,035 --> 01:34:24,747
Dad, I don't wanna talk
about that stuff with you.
1707
01:34:24,914 --> 01:34:27,750
Thank goodness.
Because neither do I. Ever.
1708
01:34:28,793 --> 01:34:32,338
I just...
I need to know that you're okay.
1709
01:34:32,505 --> 01:34:34,382
Dad, I'm fine.
1710
01:34:35,258 --> 01:34:37,009
Seriously.
1711
01:34:37,593 --> 01:34:41,806
-You don't have to worry about me.
-I'm afraid that's not gonna be possible.
1712
01:34:42,348 --> 01:34:45,226
Because you're my daughter
and I love you.
1713
01:34:45,393 --> 01:34:48,396
[BIG HEAD TODD & THE MONSTERS'
BITTERSWEET" PLAYING]
1714
01:34:51,816 --> 01:34:55,403
Now, please go back to playing
with your loose friends.
1715
01:34:56,571 --> 01:34:57,613
Okay, Dad.
1716
01:34:58,447 --> 01:35:04,954
♪ A little light looks through
Her bedroom window ♪
1717
01:35:06,455 --> 01:35:08,916
♪ She dances and I dream ♪
1718
01:35:10,001 --> 01:35:13,796
♪ She's not so far as she seems ♪
1719
01:35:14,088 --> 01:35:17,758
♪ of brighter meadows
Melting sunsets ♪
1720
01:35:17,925 --> 01:35:20,303
♪ Her hair blowing in the breeze ♪
1721
01:35:22,305 --> 01:35:24,307
♪ And she can't see me watching ♪
1722
01:35:24,473 --> 01:35:27,435
BRANDY [OVER LOUDSPEAKER]:
Never thought I'd see you
on the guard stand.
1723
01:35:27,810 --> 01:35:30,146
♪ And I'm thinking love ♪
1724
01:35:30,313 --> 01:35:31,772
[CHUCKLES]
1725
01:35:33,649 --> 01:35:34,650
♪ Love ♪♪
1726
01:35:34,817 --> 01:35:37,862
-Well, hello.
-Hi.
1727
01:35:38,029 --> 01:35:40,489
You can't stay away from here.
1728
01:35:40,656 --> 01:35:45,912
I heard that you stopped by my house
to save me, so to speak.
1729
01:35:46,078 --> 01:35:47,997
I just wanted to come by
and thank you.
1730
01:35:48,164 --> 01:35:52,460
Yeah, I tried to do the right thing, but
I ended up fucking your sister instead.
1731
01:35:53,502 --> 01:35:56,672
She's hot. Your dad walked in.
1732
01:35:56,839 --> 01:36:01,135
-And my boner did not go away.
-I didn't need to hear that, Willy.
1733
01:36:02,011 --> 01:36:05,514
I guess I'll be seeing you a lot now
that you're hanging out with my sister.
1734
01:36:07,433 --> 01:36:10,519
Uh, no, we're not going out
or anything.
1735
01:36:10,686 --> 01:36:14,523
It's not like I didn't try,
but she said something like:
1736
01:36:14,690 --> 01:36:19,362
"Fish needs a man
like a woman needs a tricycle"?
1737
01:36:19,528 --> 01:36:22,031
I don't know.
Something you taught her.
1738
01:36:22,198 --> 01:36:26,869
Hey, speaking of teaching,
I never paid you for the swim lessons.
1739
01:36:27,036 --> 01:36:28,871
-Wow.
-You didn't think I'd give it to you, huh?
1740
01:36:29,038 --> 01:36:31,165
-No, actually.
-Right.
1741
01:36:31,332 --> 01:36:34,710
I'm a changed man, Brandy.
1742
01:36:35,336 --> 01:36:40,967
And, if you want, if you have
nothing going on next summer,
1743
01:36:41,133 --> 01:36:43,302
you wanna come back here
to work,
1744
01:36:43,552 --> 01:36:45,638
there's a manager position
waiting for you.
1745
01:36:45,972 --> 01:36:49,850
-Wait, what? You're quitting?
-Yes.
1746
01:36:50,017 --> 01:36:52,311
You just learned how to swim.
You worked so hard.
1747
01:36:52,478 --> 01:36:55,022
Yeah, I know, but I think...
1748
01:36:55,731 --> 01:36:59,485
I think getting with Amber
made me realize that I
could do better, you know?
1749
01:36:59,652 --> 01:37:02,947
Your sister's like caviar.
You're like cheese.
1750
01:37:03,114 --> 01:37:05,241
-Okay. Okay, Willy.
-Like sharp cheddar.
1751
01:37:05,408 --> 01:37:09,578
I tasted a little caviar
and I realized, like, what
the fuck am I doing in Boise?
1752
01:37:10,454 --> 01:37:14,083
So I'm gonna get out.
I'm gonna see the world,
1753
01:37:14,875 --> 01:37:16,419
and I'm gonna better myself.
1754
01:37:16,585 --> 01:37:20,840
Well, I respect that. I actually think
that's very mature of you.
1755
01:37:21,007 --> 01:37:23,759
Yeah. I'm gonna follow The Dead.
1756
01:37:24,593 --> 01:37:27,096
You know, Jerry's health
isn't doing too well,
1757
01:37:27,263 --> 01:37:29,265
and I'm not getting
any younger, so...
1758
01:37:30,933 --> 01:37:32,018
[SIGHS]
1759
01:37:32,184 --> 01:37:34,603
Totally making
the right decision.
1760
01:37:36,856 --> 01:37:38,858
[♪♪♪]
1761
01:37:44,613 --> 01:37:46,615
[MARCY SOBBING]
1762
01:37:47,408 --> 01:37:50,619
Ladies. Oh, Marce,
you're still homesick?
1763
01:37:50,786 --> 01:37:52,288
MARCY:
Uh-huh.
1764
01:37:52,455 --> 01:37:54,999
BRANDY:
Give it another month, Marcy.
1765
01:38:02,214 --> 01:38:05,217
Hi there. Cameron.
1766
01:38:07,636 --> 01:38:10,556
-It's been a while.
-I know.
1767
01:38:10,723 --> 01:38:14,977
-You never returned my electronic mail.
-Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
1768
01:38:15,144 --> 01:38:17,480
I just...
I think I needed some time.
1769
01:38:17,646 --> 01:38:23,027
I understand. And I'm sorry too.
That night was really crazy.
1770
01:38:23,903 --> 01:38:26,655
But I'm glad
that we, like, never had sex.
1771
01:38:26,822 --> 01:38:28,157
Mm-hm.
1772
01:38:28,324 --> 01:38:30,326
I think it would've confused
our friendship.
1773
01:38:30,493 --> 01:38:31,786
I know what you mean.
1774
01:38:32,453 --> 01:38:34,330
-You do?
-Yes.
1775
01:38:34,497 --> 01:38:39,668
-Really?
-Mm-hm. I did it. I had sex.
1776
01:38:40,211 --> 01:38:41,253
Wow.
1777
01:38:41,420 --> 01:38:44,340
My roommate and I went out,
a drunk senior came up to me and said:
1778
01:38:44,507 --> 01:38:46,175
"You a freshman?"
I was like, "Yeah."
1779
01:38:46,342 --> 01:38:48,552
Next thing you know,
I'm losing it on the bathroom floor.
1780
01:38:48,719 --> 01:38:52,306
-Whoa. She just up and took it.
-She just up and took it. Heh.
1781
01:38:52,973 --> 01:38:55,518
Yeah, but all that to say,
I just want you to know
1782
01:38:55,684 --> 01:38:57,937
that I know what you meant
that night.
1783
01:38:58,104 --> 01:39:00,856
That sex is a big deal,
but it's also not a big deal.
1784
01:39:01,023 --> 01:39:04,318
Don't get me wrong, it's a big deal,
but it doesn't have to be such a big deal.
1785
01:39:04,485 --> 01:39:06,362
No, it doesn't.
1786
01:39:06,529 --> 01:39:09,490
I guess what I mean is,
sometimes sex is just sex.
1787
01:39:09,782 --> 01:39:12,660
Yeah, sometimes sex is just sex.
1788
01:39:12,827 --> 01:39:14,829
[ROSS GIDNEY'S
"ONE TIME LOOKER" PLAYING]
1789
01:39:18,958 --> 01:39:21,502
Yay. Yay. Yay.
1790
01:39:21,669 --> 01:39:23,712
Little circles. Little circles.
1791
01:39:24,255 --> 01:39:26,632
Wait, I have an idea.
1792
01:39:28,676 --> 01:39:30,386
[BRANDY GRUNTING]
1793
01:39:30,553 --> 01:39:34,181
Oh, my God. Yes.
Cameron, it's happening.
1794
01:39:34,348 --> 01:39:35,975
Cameron, it's gonna happen.
1795
01:39:36,142 --> 01:39:39,895
[MOANING]
1796
01:39:41,772 --> 01:39:46,152
♪ One time lookers, you and me
And that's the way it's meant to be ♪
1797
01:39:46,318 --> 01:39:48,070
♪ 'Cause the hi-fi radio ♪
1798
01:39:48,237 --> 01:39:51,407
-Hey, they're doing a clambake with--
-Dad?
1799
01:39:52,241 --> 01:39:54,493
I said, not the back door.
1800
01:39:54,660 --> 01:39:58,164
There's doors we don't do.
The back door's one of them.
1801
01:39:58,581 --> 01:40:00,374
We went over this.
1802
01:40:01,625 --> 01:40:04,128
♪ But will you come home with me? ♪♪
1803
01:40:04,295 --> 01:40:05,713
[CLEARS THROAT]
1804
01:40:05,880 --> 01:40:06,922
Good job, Cameron.
1805
01:40:07,089 --> 01:40:08,257
♪ You can't touch this ♪
1806
01:40:10,634 --> 01:40:11,760
♪ You can't touch this ♪
1807
01:40:14,138 --> 01:40:15,306
♪ You can't touch this ♪
1808
01:40:17,808 --> 01:40:19,101
♪ You can't touch this ♪
1809
01:40:20,394 --> 01:40:23,772
♪ My, my, my, my
Music hits me so hard ♪
1810
01:40:23,939 --> 01:40:25,608
♪ Makes me say "Oh, my Lord" ♪
1811
01:40:25,774 --> 01:40:27,234
♪ Thank you for blessing me ♪
1812
01:40:27,401 --> 01:40:29,153
♪ With a mind to rhyme
And two hype feet ♪
1813
01:40:29,320 --> 01:40:31,030
♪ It feels good
When you know you're down ♪
1814
01:40:31,197 --> 01:40:32,781
♪ A super dope homeboy
From the Oaktown ♪
1815
01:40:32,948 --> 01:40:36,744
♪ And I'm known as such
And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch ♪
1816
01:40:37,620 --> 01:40:40,497
♪ I told you, homeboy
You can't touch this ♪
1817
01:40:41,165 --> 01:40:43,000
♪ Yeah, that's how we living
And you know ♪
1818
01:40:43,167 --> 01:40:44,251
♪ You can't touch this ♪
1819
01:40:44,835 --> 01:40:47,630
♪ Look at my eyes, man
You can't touch this ♪
1820
01:40:48,881 --> 01:40:50,966
♪ Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics
You can't touch this ♪
1821
01:40:51,133 --> 01:40:53,219
♪ Fresh new kicks, advance
You gotta like that ♪
1822
01:40:53,385 --> 01:40:55,304
♪ Now you know you wanna dance
So move ♪
1823
01:40:55,471 --> 01:40:57,765
♪ out of your seat
And get a fly girl and catch this beat ♪
1824
01:40:57,932 --> 01:40:59,725
♪ While it's rolling, hold on ♪
1825
01:40:59,892 --> 01:41:01,352
♪ Pump a little bit
And let her know it's going on ♪
1826
01:41:01,518 --> 01:41:03,437
♪ Like that, like that ♪
1827
01:41:03,604 --> 01:41:04,980
♪ Cold on a mission so fall 'em back ♪
1828
01:41:05,147 --> 01:41:06,982
♪ Let 'em know
That you're too much ♪
1829
01:41:07,149 --> 01:41:09,151
♪ And this is a beat, uh
They can't touch ♪
1830
01:41:11,904 --> 01:41:12,988
♪ You can't touch this ♪
1831
01:41:14,240 --> 01:41:16,700
♪ Yeah
You can't touch this ♪
1832
01:41:17,826 --> 01:41:20,496
♪ I told you
You can't touch this ♪
1833
01:41:22,248 --> 01:41:23,916
♪ Too hype, can't touch this ♪
1834
01:41:25,000 --> 01:41:27,503
♪ Yeah, we out of here
Can't touch this ♪♪
1835
01:41:34,843 --> 01:41:36,845
[THE CRANBERRIES' "DREAMS" PLAYING]
1836
01:42:07,126 --> 01:42:14,049
♪ Oh, my life is changing every day ♪
1837
01:42:14,216 --> 01:42:17,594
♪ In every possible way ♪
1838
01:42:21,890 --> 01:42:29,106
♪ And, oh, my dreams
It's never quite as it seems ♪
1839
01:42:29,398 --> 01:42:33,027
♪ Never quite as it seems ♪
1840
01:42:35,863 --> 01:42:43,412
♪ I know I've felt like this before
But now I'm feeling it even more ♪
1841
01:42:44,288 --> 01:42:47,166
♪ Because it came from you ♪
1842
01:42:50,919 --> 01:42:54,423
♪ Then I open up and see ♪
1843
01:42:54,590 --> 01:42:58,260
♪ The person falling here is me ♪
1844
01:42:59,053 --> 01:43:01,889
♪ A different way to be ♪
1845
01:43:21,700 --> 01:43:28,540
♪ I want more
Impossible to ignore ♪
1846
01:43:29,124 --> 01:43:32,211
♪ Impossible to ignore ♪♪