1 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,577 2 00:00:15,118 --> 00:00:17,985 3 00:00:18,021 --> 00:00:21,388 4 00:00:21,425 --> 00:00:24,087 5 00:01:04,668 --> 00:01:06,067 6 00:01:25,422 --> 00:01:26,855 Hey, buddy. 7 00:01:30,992 --> 00:01:33,358 Do me a favor. My girlfriend don't like her tuna. 8 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,828 - Oh, I'm sorry. - It's fine. 9 00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,330 What do you mean? You just said it was undercooked. 10 00:01:37,365 --> 00:01:39,959 - Tell the guy. - It's fine, Anthony. The guy is busy. 11 00:01:40,001 --> 00:01:42,936 Stacy, he's a monkey wrench. It's his job. Look. 12 00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:46,369 Oh, let me get that for you. 13 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,602 See? Just tell him what you want and he'll do it. 14 00:01:48,643 --> 00:01:50,907 - I'm not even that hungry. - You know what? 15 00:01:50,945 --> 00:01:54,142 Look, this is a little raw. Just put a little fire on it, all right, buddy? 16 00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:57,447 Uh, sir, tuna is a very delicate fish. 17 00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:58,975 Whoa. You think you're better than me? 18 00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:01,215 No, I don't think I'm better than you, sir. 19 00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,951 Well, you talk to me like I never ate a piece of fucking fish before. 20 00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:05,925 I'm sure you've had some fish before, sir. 21 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:09,123 You know what? Tell the chef to cook it nice. 22 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:12,326 And here, we need more butter. 23 00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,766 Okay. I will be right back. 24 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,861 - Yeah, you will. - Thank you. 25 00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,599 Now we got no butter. 26 00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:23,474 Dave, can I get a re-fire? 27 00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:26,105 What did you just say to me? 28 00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:28,775 The guy on table five wants it cooked a little bit more. 29 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,785 No, they asked for it medium rare. It's perfect. 30 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,253 If he wants it cooked more tell him to go shove it up his ass. 31 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:37,155 You want me to tell that guy to cook this in his ass? 32 00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,853 Yeah, within the inside of his anus. 33 00:02:39,894 --> 00:02:43,227 - Come on, Dave. - Fine. 34 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,431 Dave, come on. 35 00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:50,130 Fuck him if he doesn't know what medium rare is. 36 00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:51,502 Are you kidding me? 37 00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:55,100 When I said cook it nice, I didn't mean bring it back looking like a fucking turd. 38 00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:57,736 Sir, I actually do not cook the food. I am just a waiter. 39 00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,370 Oh, a smart guy. 40 00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,971 You want to get smart with me, smart guy? 41 00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,575 Oh, great. What are you gonna do, kick his ass? 42 00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:05,017 Yeah, maybe I am. You want me to? 43 00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:06,849 Sure, go ahead. 44 00:03:06,888 --> 00:03:08,913 You always got to beat the shit out of the loser. 45 00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:11,424 Like the waiter at the Macaroni Grill, the waiter at the Olive Garden, 46 00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:13,017 the waiter at Buca di Beppo. 47 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,756 Sir, here at the Slammin' Salmon there are no problems, just solutions. 48 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:18,594 You know what? Here, you puck ass bitch. Here. 49 00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:19,930 You like that? How about some of that? 50 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:22,663 Tell me what that tastes like. And you better say like shit. 51 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,830 Like shit. 52 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:27,534 Good, now get the fuck out of here and bring us some swordfish instead. 53 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,167 I'll be right back. 54 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,939 And you better not spit that out. 55 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,741 Okay, I will not. 56 00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,247 Thank you. 57 00:03:37,552 --> 00:03:39,611 Up yours, you shit bird. 58 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,322 You've got to be fucking fucking me. 59 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,951 Were you just eating that piece of fish on the floor? 60 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,723 You have no idea. This guy made me eat it. 61 00:03:48,763 --> 00:03:49,957 Oh, really? 62 00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:53,489 A customer shoved the food in your mouth and told you you had to eat it? 63 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,798 Yeah. He actually told me I couldn't spit it out too. 64 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,327 Oh man, that's crazy. What? 65 00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:00,863 And I'm the Prime Minister of Narnia. 66 00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:03,944 You're paying for that piece of fish. 67 00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:05,445 It was a send back. 68 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,071 Then you should have put it in the send back area. 69 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:09,412 - You're paying for it. - You know what? 70 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:13,147 Fuck this, Carl. I quit. 71 00:04:13,187 --> 00:04:15,018 Fine, but I'm not the one you have to tell. 72 00:04:15,056 --> 00:04:17,786 You've got to tell the Champ. 73 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,797 And I know you don't have the guts to do it. 74 00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:28,966 All right then, I'll just leave. Screw the Champ. 75 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:31,972 You really think you can walk out of here without telling the Champ? 76 00:04:32,006 --> 00:04:33,940 You remember Marty Millman? 77 00:04:33,975 --> 00:04:37,570 Marty Millman is breathing through a hole in his throat right now. 78 00:04:37,612 --> 00:04:41,139 Rich, he will find you and ass fuck you 79 00:04:41,182 --> 00:04:42,945 in the face or in the mouth. 80 00:04:42,984 --> 00:04:45,475 Fine. Fine, I'll tell him to his face. 81 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,350 - Okay, fine. - I'll tell him myself. 82 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:49,219 - Okay, go for it. - I'm gonna go right now. 83 00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:50,951 - Okay, good luck. - I'm not afraid of him. 84 00:04:50,992 --> 00:04:52,653 - Okay, bye-bye. - I'll see you soon. 85 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,786 - We'll be here. - Carl. 86 00:04:54,829 --> 00:04:57,525 In his face, right? 87 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,228 Shit. Fuck it. Fuck this. 88 00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:38,398 Hey, Carl. Rich Parente is not a quitter. 89 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:42,399 Whoa! 90 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:53,484 Guess we ain't getting our swordfish. 91 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:57,818 Ow. 92 00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:21,381 Dude, last night was sick. 93 00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:24,748 I was rolling with my boys down at Club Merengue 94 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,015 and they called last call. 95 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,420 So I reminded them it's now daylight savings 96 00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:31,687 and we got an extra hour. 97 00:06:31,726 --> 00:06:35,492 And in that hour I had five Smirnoff Ices... 98 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:39,933 and I walked out of there with a Bangladeshi hooker. 99 00:06:40,935 --> 00:06:43,995 I banged her deshi all night long. 100 00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:48,103 Where'd you go pimping last night, playboy? 101 00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:51,043 I too had a wild night last night. 102 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,740 I made sweet hot love to an orangutan. 103 00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:55,840 Really? A bachelor party? 104 00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,817 - Oh yeah. - What'd it smell like? 105 00:06:57,852 --> 00:07:00,343 - Bananas mostly. - Really? 106 00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:02,878 Guy, I'm pulling your leg. 107 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:06,188 I did not fuck an orangutan last night. 108 00:07:06,227 --> 00:07:08,127 I have student teacher evaluations coming up. 109 00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:10,027 Keep going, playboy. I'm listening. 110 00:07:10,064 --> 00:07:12,294 - There's one kid who... - Hey. 111 00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:17,869 So, did you hear who's coming back tonight? 112 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:21,636 Yeah, Connor. God, I can't believe it. 113 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:24,166 Can you imagine being the star of a TV show 114 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,701 and then having to come back and wait tables? 115 00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:28,408 I know. It's humiliating. 116 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:32,348 Hey, do you think you guys will get it on again? 117 00:07:32,386 --> 00:07:35,583 Yeah right. He should be so lucky. 118 00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,454 You don't get two bites of the apple, 119 00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:40,483 especially when it's Golden Delicious. 120 00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:42,723 Oh, yeah. 121 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:45,061 - Chow down. - Yes! 122 00:07:45,099 --> 00:07:47,397 - Mm-hmm. - I'm starving. 123 00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,834 What you pigs are eating is the blackened cod. 124 00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:53,738 It comes with rosemary mashed potatoes and tempura mushrooms. 125 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,401 It's blackened because... hey! 126 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:59,242 It's blackened because I bought 60 pieces last Tuesday and it's gone bad. 127 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:03,114 I'll give a free dessert to whoever sells the most of this shit. 128 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,879 - You bitch. - Guys. 129 00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:07,615 I hate to be a ball buster, but somebody was toking marijuana 130 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:10,590 in the coat checkroom last night and that is a big no no never. 131 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,888 Rich, you put me on for a double tomorrow. 132 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,417 You said you needed money for ballet school. 133 00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:16,361 I do, but I also told you 134 00:08:16,397 --> 00:08:18,558 that I'd get shin splints if I work a double. 135 00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:20,794 - Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. - That's right. 136 00:08:20,835 --> 00:08:22,928 Shin splints, okay, you're right. I will change that right away. 137 00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,369 Who the hell is that? 138 00:08:24,405 --> 00:08:26,669 Oh, that's our new busboy. 139 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,698 Donnie, could you come over here, please? 140 00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:32,041 Donnie is Dave's twin brother. 141 00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:34,639 Straighten your fucking bow tie. 142 00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:37,412 No, you went too far. Back. 143 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,711 I'll warn you guys now, he's a complete retard. 144 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:43,120 - I told you not to call me that. - You what? 145 00:08:43,157 --> 00:08:45,557 - I said you're the retard. - You're the retard! 146 00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:47,322 - You're the retard. - You're the retard. 147 00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,988 - You're the re... - Shut up! 148 00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:53,423 - Weird. - Donnie Kanogi, hi. 149 00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:56,061 - You a douchebag like your brother? - No, I... 150 00:08:57,972 --> 00:08:59,906 - Donnie Kanogi. - Tara. 151 00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:03,137 Don't worry about it. My sister's a dick too. I get it. 152 00:09:03,177 --> 00:09:05,509 Ladies and gentlemen, straight from TV land, 153 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,480 our old friend Connor Rhodes! 154 00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:09,243 What's up? What's up? 155 00:09:09,283 --> 00:09:11,046 I missed each and every one of you. 156 00:09:11,085 --> 00:09:13,315 Look at him. Look at this guy. 157 00:09:13,354 --> 00:09:15,345 - Hey. - There you go. 158 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:18,153 We watched you every single Sunday for two weeks. 159 00:09:18,192 --> 00:09:19,989 Hot stuff. 160 00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:21,756 - Dude! Ha ha! - Whoa! 161 00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:24,389 Oh, you did get a nose job. 162 00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,366 No no, my hair is longer and it makes my face look tiny. 163 00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:29,767 We noticed it looked smaller on TV 164 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,771 but we thought it was makeup. 165 00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:36,401 It's strange, I know, but the camera actually takes 2 Ibs off your nose. 166 00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,274 I think you took 2 Ibs off your nose. 167 00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:41,770 Nice one, Dick P. But seriously, I did not get a nose job. 168 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,680 Hey, true to form, you're an hour late. 169 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:47,244 - Nuh-uh. Daylight savings. - Then you should be an hour early. 170 00:09:47,288 --> 00:09:48,880 - Oh. - Pretty good, huh? 171 00:09:48,923 --> 00:09:52,017 All right, everybody, hit the floor. Let's have a big night tonight. 172 00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:53,686 - Whoo! - Let's see some pep in that step. 173 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:56,093 - Let's do it. - Oh, I'm Donnie. 174 00:09:56,130 --> 00:09:57,893 - Welcome back. - Thank you. Nice to see you. 175 00:09:57,932 --> 00:09:59,559 - Good to see you. - You look good. 176 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,727 - You do too. - How are you doing? 177 00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:04,260 Mmm. 178 00:10:04,305 --> 00:10:06,739 Wow, frosty. 179 00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,503 So are you gonna be all right with this? 180 00:10:08,542 --> 00:10:10,806 Yeah yeah. Well, you know, I spent a shitload of cash I didn't have. 181 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,209 So... got to eat. 182 00:10:12,246 --> 00:10:14,043 Go to work. 183 00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:16,276 - Okay. Working, huh? - Yeah. 184 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,731 So what, you like quit to be on a TV show? 185 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:37,032 Yeah yeah, I got a lead role on "CFI Hotlanta." 186 00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:39,471 - No way. - Yeah. 187 00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:42,304 Connor walked out of here in a blaze of glory. 188 00:10:42,343 --> 00:10:44,709 Uh-huh. 189 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,474 Uh-huh. 190 00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,378 Uh-huh. 191 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,178 Uh-huh. 192 00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:52,742 Yeah! Yeah! 193 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,845 I'm famous! Whoo! 194 00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:58,585 I'm famous! Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya! 195 00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,320 Whoo-hoo! 196 00:11:00,361 --> 00:11:02,625 Mm-mmm. 197 00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:05,393 Cole slaw never tasted so good. 198 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:06,922 Whoo-hoo! 199 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:09,435 Fucking big nose. 200 00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:12,098 Suck it. Eat a dick. Eat a dick. 201 00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,300 Suck it. Lick it. Stick it. 202 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,002 Double dick it. 203 00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:19,570 And fuck you! 204 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,376 - Cole slaw! - Yeah. 205 00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:28,411 They killed me off after two episodes. 206 00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:31,253 - Aw, how come? - Because every time he came on TV 207 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,418 America threw up in their mouths just a little bit. 208 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,586 Oh, yes. 209 00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:38,621 Actually, it's because the actress who plays the police commissioner 210 00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:41,657 and I took a little trip to Ejacuidor together. 211 00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:44,796 Whoa, wait. Isn't that Morgan Fairchild? 212 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,999 It is Morgan Fairchild. 213 00:11:47,041 --> 00:11:48,201 - What? - All right. 214 00:11:48,242 --> 00:11:49,402 - Dude! - She's hot! 215 00:11:49,443 --> 00:11:52,105 But the creator of the show, this guy named Dick Lobo, 216 00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:55,013 got jealous and suddenly Detective Shep Winford 217 00:11:55,049 --> 00:11:58,780 would up dead in a petting zoo with the killer's sperm in his shoes. 218 00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:01,481 Wait, his sperm was in your shoe? 219 00:12:01,522 --> 00:12:03,786 Whatever, dude. Tell us about Morgan Fairchild. 220 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:06,088 Was she wet? Was she dry? Did she laugh? Did she cry? 221 00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,287 All right, day one of shooting, 222 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:12,094 Morgan Fairchild is giving me the stink eye something fierce. 223 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:16,660 At the end of the day she says, "I want to see you in my trailer." 224 00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:19,570 So I knock on the door, open it up and go in 225 00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:23,667 and Morgan Fairchild is wearing the tiniest piece of lingerie. 226 00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:27,009 I mean, it's not even lingerie. It's like Silly String. 227 00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,515 - What color? - See-through. 228 00:12:29,550 --> 00:12:31,814 - See-through? - Like a spider web. 229 00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:33,285 That's so hot. 230 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,413 She says, "I've got a little welcome present for you." 231 00:12:35,456 --> 00:12:38,619 Takes out a gift wrapped box, opens it, 232 00:12:38,659 --> 00:12:42,527 reaches in and pulls out, and I shit you not, 233 00:12:42,563 --> 00:12:46,124 the biggest, blackest... 234 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:48,464 - Welcome to Slammin' Salmon. - Thank you. 235 00:12:48,502 --> 00:12:50,094 - Just one? - Just one. 236 00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,367 - No no no. - Not my section. Not my section. 237 00:12:52,406 --> 00:12:54,340 - He's definitely coming back. - No he's not. 238 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,501 - No no no no. - No no no no. 239 00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:59,034 - Ah! - Damn it! 240 00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:01,570 You do not seat one person at a four top. 241 00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,014 Sorry, Guy. 242 00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:05,883 Can you please wait until I get back to finish that story? 243 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,479 - I can't wait. - No dice, Jim Rice. 244 00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:11,013 - Come on. - They've spoken, Guy. 245 00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,616 God! 246 00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:15,025 Shit. 247 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:18,088 All right, she reaches in and pulls out, and I shit you not... 248 00:13:18,132 --> 00:13:20,896 Hey, sport. How are you? 249 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,732 Welcome to the Slammin' Salmon. I'm Guy. 250 00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,170 Well, hello, Guy. I'm Horace, and thank you. 251 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:29,232 Oh no! 252 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:33,675 Sounds like someone told a great story. 253 00:13:33,714 --> 00:13:35,944 Yes it does. 254 00:13:42,456 --> 00:13:45,789 Connor, I just sat you. Welcome back. 255 00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:48,789 It's good we didn't get a booth. 256 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:51,593 Don't forget your Slammin' Salmon smile. 257 00:13:51,632 --> 00:13:53,122 Is that a real thing? 258 00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:55,101 - Do I need to know that? - Yeah. 259 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:58,070 Honey, I'm not hungry. Can we just split a couple things? 260 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,674 Hi, welcome to the Slammin' Salmon. 261 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:04,836 - Okay. - Oh my God, I know you. 262 00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:07,745 - Really? - Oh yeah, I definitely know you. 263 00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:10,443 - Where do I know you from? - Maybe he's in your spinning class. 264 00:14:10,484 --> 00:14:13,385 - He looks like a spinner. - Honey, he's not a spinner. 265 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,786 Oh, God, it's driving me crazy. 266 00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:17,687 I know I've seen you somewhere before. 267 00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:20,249 Is it from TV do you think? 268 00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:21,784 Oh! 269 00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:24,160 Yes, I've got it. 270 00:14:24,198 --> 00:14:26,564 Yeah, you waited on me last time I was here. 271 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,398 Duh. 272 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:33,304 Well, I left for a while to be one of the leads on "CFI Hotlanta." 273 00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:38,768 No way. I'm the black woman from "Law & Order," so... 274 00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:41,713 - You're so funny. - Thanks. 275 00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:45,377 - I'll have a Merlot. - Dry Sack, rocks. 276 00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,355 Ladies and gentlemen, 277 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,792 from Hell's Kitchen, New York, 278 00:14:54,828 --> 00:14:57,661 the Doctor of Destruction, 279 00:14:57,698 --> 00:15:00,667 the Captain of Crunch, 280 00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:04,102 the Heavyweight Champion of the World, 281 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:07,163 Slammin' Cleon Salmon. 282 00:15:11,445 --> 00:15:15,142 Thank you. I hope you find the seafood to be succulent. 283 00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:17,707 And if you need anything, anything at all, 284 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:20,185 remember... ding... ring the bell. 285 00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:23,712 And come back soon, or else I'll ring your bell. 286 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,119 Oh, look at that. You've been working out. 287 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,221 Let's see. Come here. Yeah. Okay. 288 00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:33,290 Nuts, I need a drink. 289 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:36,632 $200 for a babysitter? I mean, come on, that's a lot of money. 290 00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:38,535 No, you're totally worth it. 291 00:15:38,572 --> 00:15:40,506 I know how much you love Norah Jones. 292 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:43,134 I love her too. I bought the tickets. Front row seats. 293 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,701 My favorite song? Um... 294 00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:48,146 "Don't Know Why"? 295 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:50,376 Round one. 296 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,977 Oh my God. Oh my God. I've got to go. I love you. 297 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:55,648 Well, if it isn't the King of Siam. 298 00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:58,715 - Make yourself at home. - Okay. Hey, Champ. 299 00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:00,886 Didn't mean to sit in your chair. Sorry about that. 300 00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:02,394 I'm just being humorous. 301 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:05,660 But I do want to talk about something serious. 302 00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:10,193 Are you familiar with Japanese albino hunting? 303 00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:12,967 Can't say that I am, no. 304 00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:15,497 Oh my God, it is all the rage in Japan right now. 305 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,840 What they do is they set a bunch of Japanese albinos 306 00:16:17,878 --> 00:16:19,709 loose in the forest and you hunt them. 307 00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,407 And you shoot them? 308 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:24,383 No no, it's just for sport. Strictly catch and release. 309 00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:26,215 Who is it?! 310 00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,312 Round one. 311 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,123 Your drink, Champ. 312 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,422 Oh, crazy straw. 313 00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,394 Mmm. Wow, that's good. 314 00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:38,193 So my first time hunting these albinos 315 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,358 an albino ran right past me. 316 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,301 I got so nervous I smacked him in the head 317 00:16:43,337 --> 00:16:45,328 and almost depacitated him. 318 00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,840 It's decapitated, Champ. 319 00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,535 Whatever, motherfucker! 320 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,545 Hmm. Hmm. 321 00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,410 Round one. 322 00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:55,710 Now where was I? 323 00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:58,718 You were talking about Japanese albino hunting. 324 00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:01,220 Oh yeah. So I bet the head of the Yakuza 325 00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,779 20 grand that I could catch more albinos than him. 326 00:17:03,824 --> 00:17:06,292 I mean, look at me, come on. I'm an athlete. 327 00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:08,385 Well, you know what? I got my ass kicked. 328 00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:11,056 And now I've got to pay him 20 grand by tomorrow. 329 00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:13,589 Sounds like someone has to go to the ATM machine. 330 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,567 Yeah, you would think that. 331 00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,435 But I'm a little cash-poor right now. 332 00:17:18,472 --> 00:17:21,964 I bought some land on the moon next to John Travolta. 333 00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:24,408 Smart. Real estate is a very safe investment. 334 00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:25,843 So here's what you've got to do for me. 335 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,847 I need you to make 20 grand tonight 336 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,406 or else these guys are gonna come and take the restaurant. 337 00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:33,146 Champ, the most the restaurant 338 00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,086 has ever made in one night is 15 grand. 339 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:37,647 Oh, boo hoo hoo. I don't care. 340 00:17:37,691 --> 00:17:40,125 I wish you would have told me. I would have had more waiters on tonight. 341 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,287 I wish Nino Gutierrez would have told me 342 00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:45,492 he was gonna sock me with a hard right in the Fracas in Caracas. 343 00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:48,023 And now look at him. 344 00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,265 He's dead. 345 00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,570 I can see that. 346 00:17:55,609 --> 00:17:57,975 So figure it out. 347 00:17:58,011 --> 00:18:02,038 If you don't get me 20 grand by tonight I'm gonna lose the restaurant. 348 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:04,880 If I lose the restaurant I'm gonna be mad. 349 00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:07,614 And if I'm mad I'm gonna beat the shit out of you 350 00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,178 and break all your arms. 351 00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,349 Champ, I'm gonna need those arms. 352 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,086 I got three kids. 353 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:15,856 All the more reason to keep it open. Okey-dokey? 354 00:18:15,896 --> 00:18:17,056 Okey-dokey. 355 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:18,564 I'm gonna skedaddle. 356 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,930 I'll be back to check on you later. 357 00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:24,633 Bam! 358 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:26,138 Round one. 359 00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:28,539 Oh boy. 360 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,566 Everybody listen up, please. 361 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,771 Hello, everyone listen to me, please. 362 00:18:32,813 --> 00:18:34,781 Champ wants a big night tonight. 363 00:18:34,815 --> 00:18:37,978 So he is offering a prize to the top selling waiter. 364 00:18:38,018 --> 00:18:40,816 - Ooh, is it cash? - It's not cash, but it's something better. 365 00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:43,186 - What, a blowjob from your mother? - Oh! 366 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:46,215 No no, it's not a blowjob from my mother, okay? 367 00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,727 The prize for the top selling waiter, 368 00:18:48,762 --> 00:18:52,892 two front row seats to the Norah Jones concert this week. 369 00:18:52,933 --> 00:18:54,560 Oh my God, oh my God! I love Norah Jones. 370 00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,569 Oh my God. 371 00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,764 - Right? Right? - Sweet, I'm in. 372 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,534 Are you serious? You like Norah Jones? 373 00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:02,201 No, she's a slag. 374 00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:04,142 But think of all the tang that's gonna be at that show. 375 00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:07,044 I'll be up to my elbows in tang. Like a fucking astronaut. 376 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,742 With a space helmet on. 377 00:19:09,783 --> 00:19:11,944 You're a weird fucking dude. You know that? 378 00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,886 I am so gonna win this. Do tips count? 379 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,786 Tips count. Champ loves great service, right? 380 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:20,520 Okay, give me your tips as you get them and I'll post it up on the board, okay? 381 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,084 - All right. - Now everyone, 382 00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,722 get out there and move some fish. 383 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,096 I've never lost at anything in my life. 384 00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:36,037 Look at this good-looking group of men. 385 00:19:36,076 --> 00:19:38,977 So are you boys hungry? 386 00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,673 Starving. 387 00:19:40,714 --> 00:19:44,548 Mmm, well you know what they say about a man with a big appetite. 388 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,677 It's all true. 389 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,018 Good. 'Cause you know what? 390 00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:51,353 You're gonna have the 4-Ib lobster tonight. 391 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:54,121 - Okay. - Okay? And so are you. And you. 392 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,822 I just have to tell you, I am a huge fan. 393 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,093 "Dogs of the Sahara" is a perfect movie. 394 00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:02,761 And your acting in it is sick. Like hospital sick. 395 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:05,635 Wow. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. 396 00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:09,369 Seriously, I think you discovered, like, a new emotion in that movie. 397 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:12,503 Really? I didn't know. Thanks again. 398 00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:14,241 Well, what kind of emotion? 399 00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:17,011 Well, you know, it's like he's like brave 400 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,517 but naive. 401 00:20:18,552 --> 00:20:20,520 You know? Like braive. 402 00:20:20,554 --> 00:20:22,749 Okay. 403 00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:24,518 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 404 00:20:24,558 --> 00:20:26,958 - Sorry, I never do this. - What's your name, pal? 405 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,257 - I'm Connor. - Connor, I'm Marlon. 406 00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:31,696 And this is my girlfriend Samara Dubois. 407 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,995 Oh, I read "US Weekly." I know who this is. 408 00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:36,662 The interior designer who stole your heart. 409 00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:38,136 That's right. 410 00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:40,469 I hired her to decorate my chill chalet. 411 00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:43,840 She said, "First things first. You should just call it a 'chilet.'" 412 00:20:43,877 --> 00:20:46,607 I fell in love with her right then and there. 413 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,341 I just put the two words together. 414 00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,406 Chilet. I love that. 415 00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:54,649 New guy. Sorry. 416 00:20:54,688 --> 00:20:57,851 - So what's this? - Little tradition here at the Salmon. 417 00:20:57,891 --> 00:21:01,327 Anytime a busboy breaks something he does a shot of Blue Curacao. 418 00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:03,556 Is it cool to drink on the job? 419 00:21:03,597 --> 00:21:06,464 Do you need to ask your big brother for permission? 420 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,195 Do you want to try shaving with this? Okay, yeah, let's see. 421 00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:11,703 I'm older by eight hours. 422 00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:13,569 Hi-yaa! 423 00:21:13,607 --> 00:21:15,700 And don't worry. No one will ever know. 424 00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:17,403 Cool. 425 00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:19,912 - Hey, Conman. - Mr. Spencer. 426 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:22,813 I was wondering if you could help me out. 427 00:21:22,849 --> 00:21:25,340 Oh my God, this is really sudden. 428 00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:29,517 I'm proposing to Samara tonight. 429 00:21:29,556 --> 00:21:33,151 Wow, somebody finally put a saddle on you, huh, bronco? 430 00:21:33,193 --> 00:21:35,525 Um, yeah. When we order dessert, 431 00:21:35,562 --> 00:21:37,689 could you put the ring in it so she can find it? 432 00:21:37,731 --> 00:21:41,258 Yeah yeah yeah. Let's get her drunk so she says yes. 433 00:21:43,403 --> 00:21:46,702 That's a custom-made ring, yeah? 434 00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:48,867 It's safe with me. You have my word. 435 00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:50,273 Cool. 436 00:21:52,078 --> 00:21:53,443 - Wow. - Wow. 437 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,539 - Send back - Oh, out of the way. It's a dessert. 438 00:21:55,582 --> 00:21:57,709 - Somebody sent back a dessert. - Oh my God. 439 00:21:57,751 --> 00:21:59,548 Mmm. 440 00:21:59,586 --> 00:22:01,713 When somebody sends back a dessert you've got to move fast. 441 00:22:01,755 --> 00:22:03,814 They're like wild jackals at their mother's teat. 442 00:22:03,857 --> 00:22:06,223 I've got to get lemons. Tara, will you watch my section? 443 00:22:06,259 --> 00:22:09,092 - Mmm, yup. - This is good! 444 00:22:15,769 --> 00:22:18,033 - What's up, Mamma Mia? - Uh-oh. 445 00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:21,404 The old follow me down to the walk-in fridge game, huh? 446 00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:23,306 - Uh-huh. - Oh. 447 00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:27,302 Frankly, I didn't expect to see you here at the Salmon again. 448 00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:30,578 Yeah, well, I figure I'm here three or four months tops. 449 00:22:30,617 --> 00:22:32,585 And then I'm moving to California to do some modeling. 450 00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:35,679 Well, don't you have to be like tall, 451 00:22:35,722 --> 00:22:38,919 muscular and really hot to model? 452 00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:42,450 No no, not anymore. You'd be amazed what they can do with CGI these days. 453 00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:44,258 Right. 454 00:22:44,297 --> 00:22:46,424 I like the new nose, by the way. 455 00:22:46,466 --> 00:22:49,094 It's so funny that you all think that. 456 00:22:49,135 --> 00:22:51,433 'Cause it's the same nose it always was. 457 00:22:51,471 --> 00:22:52,938 - Really? - Uh-huh. 458 00:22:52,972 --> 00:22:56,100 - Want to take a closer look? - I just might. 459 00:23:08,955 --> 00:23:11,651 - You fucking love it. - Yeah. 460 00:23:15,128 --> 00:23:16,789 Oh my God! Oh yes! 461 00:23:16,830 --> 00:23:18,855 - So fucking hot. - Yeah. 462 00:23:21,768 --> 00:23:25,636 Wow. You know what? I'm not your tickle friend anymore. 463 00:23:25,672 --> 00:23:27,833 Well, you are saying no 464 00:23:27,874 --> 00:23:30,035 but a couple of your friends are saying yes. 465 00:23:30,076 --> 00:23:32,306 It's cold in here, asshole. 466 00:23:41,654 --> 00:23:43,349 Why do they call you Nuts? 467 00:23:43,389 --> 00:23:45,516 Because I'm crazy. 468 00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:46,923 You don't look crazy. 469 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,087 Oh, I'm insane. 470 00:23:49,129 --> 00:23:51,654 You should see me without my meds. 471 00:23:51,698 --> 00:23:54,132 At my last job, I didn't take my meds one day, 472 00:23:54,167 --> 00:23:57,261 hour later I was walking around naked with peanut butter in my hair 473 00:23:57,303 --> 00:23:59,703 telling people my name was Zongo. 474 00:23:59,739 --> 00:24:03,470 I delivered an old lady a cup of hot water with my balls in it. 475 00:24:03,510 --> 00:24:05,569 Yeah, talk about your Red Zinger. 476 00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:08,911 Yeah, but I don't remember any of it. 477 00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:11,917 My balls were red though. 478 00:24:13,453 --> 00:24:15,921 - Are you serious? - Totally. 479 00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:18,014 No, I'm joking. 480 00:24:18,057 --> 00:24:19,854 But it is true. 481 00:24:26,599 --> 00:24:28,931 - Sir. - Huh? 482 00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:31,027 Are you ready to order your entree? 483 00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:33,504 Oh, I haven't even looked at the menu. 484 00:24:33,540 --> 00:24:36,008 Oh, that's my party people. 485 00:24:36,042 --> 00:24:37,373 Yeah! 486 00:24:38,745 --> 00:24:41,407 Hey, all right. 487 00:24:41,447 --> 00:24:44,439 You've been here for an hour, sir. Surely you must be hungry. 488 00:24:44,484 --> 00:24:47,214 Oh, I am. I'll take a look. 489 00:24:47,253 --> 00:24:50,654 In the meantime, I'll have a drink. 490 00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:53,921 Tell me, Guy, what goes well with Tolstoy? 491 00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,861 Dom Perignon, Cristal, perhaps a Chateau Margaux, 492 00:24:56,896 --> 00:24:59,126 or even a 1945 Rothschild. 493 00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:01,156 Well, I'll take all four. 494 00:25:01,201 --> 00:25:03,431 - Really? - No. 495 00:25:03,469 --> 00:25:05,903 I'll just have a cup of hot water 496 00:25:05,939 --> 00:25:08,737 with a wedge of lemon. 497 00:25:09,776 --> 00:25:11,767 Living on the edge. 498 00:25:13,479 --> 00:25:16,448 - Oh no, here. - Hold on, hold on. 499 00:25:16,482 --> 00:25:18,109 Oh! 500 00:25:19,118 --> 00:25:21,143 Oh, come on. 501 00:25:24,157 --> 00:25:25,590 Oh, Jesus. 502 00:25:25,625 --> 00:25:27,786 Nuts, you fucker. 503 00:25:27,827 --> 00:25:29,158 Uh-oh! Dick P, a little help? 504 00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:31,925 - What are you guys doing? - Dicking around, bro. 505 00:25:31,965 --> 00:25:34,365 - Yahtzee! - What are you doing with the booze? 506 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,836 Donnie, leave us. Grab me an olive from the bar, please. 507 00:25:41,174 --> 00:25:44,632 Dave Kanogi's brother. I'm hazing the shit out of him, dude. 508 00:25:44,677 --> 00:25:46,770 Maybe you should be selling the shit out of the food, dude. 509 00:25:46,813 --> 00:25:48,110 - Tara. - Yes? 510 00:25:48,147 --> 00:25:49,876 You love Norah Jones. I mean, "Come Away With Me." 511 00:25:49,916 --> 00:25:51,679 You love that song. I've heard you humming it. 512 00:25:51,718 --> 00:25:53,515 Yes, I also hum the Macarena. 513 00:25:53,553 --> 00:25:55,544 It doesn't mean I want to go to the Macarena concert. 514 00:25:55,588 --> 00:25:58,216 - Oh, snap. - Well, Norah Jones is different. 515 00:25:58,258 --> 00:26:00,624 I mean, she's cool and folksy and jazzy. Come on. 516 00:26:00,660 --> 00:26:04,357 Rich, look, I'm in medical school, okay? I don't have time to go to a concert. 517 00:26:04,397 --> 00:26:08,265 - What about you? - I'm not sure who Norma Jones is. 518 00:26:08,301 --> 00:26:09,996 - Is she the puppeteer? - No. 519 00:26:10,036 --> 00:26:13,472 Here's the thing. Norah Jones is for chicks and weepy dorks like you. 520 00:26:13,506 --> 00:26:16,339 If I'm gonna make the Champ richer, I want a real prize. 521 00:26:16,376 --> 00:26:18,105 Till then, you tell him to go fuck a cow. 522 00:26:18,144 --> 00:26:20,510 - What's up? - Oh, snap! 523 00:26:28,688 --> 00:26:30,883 Hey, retards, you want to answer the phone? 524 00:26:30,924 --> 00:26:33,290 Oh, I'll do it. I'm only the manager. 525 00:26:34,627 --> 00:26:37,619 Good evening. Persuasions Spa and Casino Resort. 526 00:26:37,664 --> 00:26:40,827 I'm Stanley Bellin. How may I persuade you? 527 00:26:40,867 --> 00:26:43,961 Hey, Stanley. It's Rich Parente calling on behalf of Cleon Salmon. 528 00:26:44,003 --> 00:26:47,234 Yeah, the Champ would like to book his regular suite. 529 00:26:47,273 --> 00:26:50,401 Oh, I'm afraid the suite 530 00:26:50,443 --> 00:26:52,638 is not available for Mr. Salmon. 531 00:26:52,679 --> 00:26:55,113 What do you mean? Why not? 532 00:26:55,148 --> 00:26:58,117 'Cause last time Mr. Salmon's pet kangaroo 533 00:26:58,151 --> 00:27:00,244 defecated in our kitchen. 534 00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:02,914 Oh, well, that kangaroo is no longer with us. 535 00:27:02,956 --> 00:27:05,891 The Champ actually killed him during a sparring session. 536 00:27:05,925 --> 00:27:07,722 I'm so sorry to hear that. 537 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:11,161 Unfortunately I will have to politely say no. 538 00:27:11,197 --> 00:27:12,926 Is that Stanley? 539 00:27:12,966 --> 00:27:15,764 - Let me talk to him. - Don't tell him it's me. Just... 540 00:27:15,802 --> 00:27:17,269 Yes, Champ. It's Stanley Bellin. 541 00:27:17,303 --> 00:27:18,600 Fuck. 542 00:27:18,638 --> 00:27:20,868 Tell him I said I want the Emperor Suite 543 00:27:20,907 --> 00:27:23,205 or I'm gonna shove his ass up his ass. 544 00:27:23,242 --> 00:27:27,372 Uh, of course Mr. Salmon can stay in the Emperor Suite. 545 00:27:27,413 --> 00:27:29,210 I was merely joking. 546 00:27:29,248 --> 00:27:32,240 Tell him to make the reservation under King Kamehameha. 547 00:27:32,285 --> 00:27:34,845 All right, Kamehameha. 548 00:27:34,887 --> 00:27:36,980 How many Ms? 549 00:27:37,023 --> 00:27:40,151 And it better be free or I'm gonna knock Stanley into Bolivian. 550 00:27:40,193 --> 00:27:43,458 Yeah, he said that he was hoping it would be free 551 00:27:43,496 --> 00:27:45,088 or he was gonna knock you into Bolivian. 552 00:27:45,131 --> 00:27:46,860 But I think he means oblivion. 553 00:27:46,899 --> 00:27:48,867 Whatever, motherfucker! 554 00:27:48,901 --> 00:27:51,529 It'll be free. It'll be free. 555 00:27:51,571 --> 00:27:53,869 Guys, listen up. New deal, okay? 556 00:27:53,906 --> 00:27:55,771 Champ is very serious about selling big tonight. 557 00:27:55,808 --> 00:27:57,901 So there's a new prize. 558 00:27:57,944 --> 00:27:59,969 A four-day, three-night stay 559 00:28:00,013 --> 00:28:03,471 at the Persuasions Spa and Casino Resort Hotel in Key Largo. 560 00:28:03,516 --> 00:28:05,484 - That sounds awesome. - Really? 561 00:28:05,518 --> 00:28:06,849 Wait a minute, is that the gay key? 562 00:28:06,886 --> 00:28:08,615 It's the straight key, Guy. 563 00:28:08,654 --> 00:28:10,622 What if he wanted the gay key? 564 00:28:10,656 --> 00:28:11,953 Why would I want the gay key? 565 00:28:11,991 --> 00:28:15,154 - I thought you said you... - All right, listen listen listen. 566 00:28:15,194 --> 00:28:16,752 It's a great prize. Come on. 567 00:28:16,796 --> 00:28:19,026 Persuasions Spa and Casino Resort Hotel. 568 00:28:19,065 --> 00:28:20,464 - That's awesome. - Hell yeah, Dick P. 569 00:28:20,500 --> 00:28:22,491 Here are the current standings, okay? 570 00:28:22,535 --> 00:28:24,935 Nuts, Tara, let's pick it up a notch, okay? 571 00:28:24,971 --> 00:28:26,302 Enthusiasm! 572 00:28:26,339 --> 00:28:28,967 My suggestion to you guys, sell the cod. 573 00:28:29,008 --> 00:28:30,873 One of the most expensive items on the menu. 574 00:28:30,910 --> 00:28:32,969 $38.95, okay? 575 00:28:33,012 --> 00:28:35,173 Let's get out there and turn 'em and burn 'em. 576 00:28:35,214 --> 00:28:38,047 All right? 577 00:28:38,084 --> 00:28:40,075 Come on, sell some cod. 578 00:28:40,119 --> 00:28:42,713 Well, you have got to try the cod. 579 00:28:42,755 --> 00:28:45,019 Is it fishy? I don't really like fishy fish. 580 00:28:45,058 --> 00:28:47,458 Oh, no no no. The cod is the least fishy of the fishes. 581 00:28:47,493 --> 00:28:51,156 It's so unfishy it's not even classified as a fish. 582 00:28:51,197 --> 00:28:52,926 I'll take one. 583 00:28:54,333 --> 00:28:57,302 Do yourself a favor, order the cod. 584 00:28:57,336 --> 00:29:01,170 Is it a fishy fish? I like my fish fishy. 585 00:29:01,207 --> 00:29:02,902 Cod is definitely the fishiest fish there is. 586 00:29:02,942 --> 00:29:05,502 And a fishy fish is a healthy fish. 587 00:29:05,545 --> 00:29:07,035 Ha! 588 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:08,980 Did you know that cod is a flying fish? 589 00:29:09,015 --> 00:29:10,915 It's flying off the shelf tonight. 590 00:29:10,950 --> 00:29:13,248 Is it flakey? I like flakey. 591 00:29:13,286 --> 00:29:15,379 Very flakey. The Eskimo name for cod 592 00:29:15,421 --> 00:29:18,015 is actually ponacana which means flake fish. 593 00:29:18,057 --> 00:29:20,685 Huh. 594 00:29:20,726 --> 00:29:23,194 It's a rare Moroccan midget cod. 595 00:29:23,229 --> 00:29:26,392 It's almost impossible to catch so the portions are tiny. 596 00:29:26,432 --> 00:29:28,059 You might want to get two per person. 597 00:29:28,101 --> 00:29:30,695 Moroccan midget cod? I've heard of that. 598 00:29:30,736 --> 00:29:32,328 It's really good. 599 00:29:32,371 --> 00:29:34,896 I usually don't swear at my tables, but you people look really cool. 600 00:29:34,941 --> 00:29:37,034 So it's fucking delicious. 601 00:29:37,076 --> 00:29:39,010 We'll get fucking two each. 602 00:29:39,045 --> 00:29:41,912 Good order. 603 00:29:41,948 --> 00:29:43,506 Hey! 604 00:29:45,384 --> 00:29:49,286 - I've got to ask you something. - Okay. 605 00:29:49,322 --> 00:29:50,914 Were you on "CFI Hotlanta"? 606 00:29:50,957 --> 00:29:53,755 Uh, yeah, I was. 607 00:29:53,793 --> 00:29:55,124 I knew it. 608 00:29:55,161 --> 00:29:57,288 I said you were on "The Bachelorette," dude. 609 00:29:57,330 --> 00:29:59,423 Well, they're both good shows, I suppose. 610 00:29:59,465 --> 00:30:00,932 I love both of those shows. 611 00:30:00,967 --> 00:30:03,060 Hey, Conman, when you're ready, 612 00:30:03,102 --> 00:30:05,127 I think we're ready for desert. 613 00:30:05,171 --> 00:30:08,504 We'll have a brownie, one scoop of vanilla ice cream 614 00:30:08,541 --> 00:30:10,008 and two spoons. 615 00:30:10,042 --> 00:30:12,408 Mmm, carbs. 616 00:30:12,445 --> 00:30:15,642 Yeah, I will get that right out to you. 617 00:30:17,750 --> 00:30:19,911 You know, oysters are an aphrodisiac. 618 00:30:19,952 --> 00:30:23,820 More oysters, more aphrodisia. 619 00:30:25,758 --> 00:30:28,727 That is if you guys think you're gonna get lucky tonight. 620 00:30:28,761 --> 00:30:30,524 I probably will. 621 00:30:30,563 --> 00:30:32,827 What's up, boys? Did you dirty ho-daddies 622 00:30:32,865 --> 00:30:35,163 wish this perfect angel a happy birthday yet? 623 00:30:36,636 --> 00:30:38,934 Oh, it's your birthday? 624 00:30:38,971 --> 00:30:40,734 Yeah. 625 00:30:40,773 --> 00:30:42,536 Where's your birthday suit? 626 00:30:44,277 --> 00:30:45,904 Stop. 627 00:30:45,945 --> 00:30:49,472 - You're so bad. - I can be worse. 628 00:30:54,086 --> 00:30:55,951 Donnie, have you ever noticed that redheaded people 629 00:30:55,988 --> 00:30:57,455 breathe through their mouths? 630 00:30:57,490 --> 00:30:59,287 Like orangutans? 631 00:30:59,325 --> 00:31:01,589 Yeah, exactly like orangutans. 632 00:31:01,627 --> 00:31:03,424 Coincidence? 633 00:31:03,462 --> 00:31:04,986 Happy birthday? 634 00:31:05,031 --> 00:31:06,862 Donnie, leave us. 635 00:31:06,899 --> 00:31:09,629 Bring me a cocktail onion from the bar, please. 636 00:31:09,669 --> 00:31:12,763 What can I say? I thought I'd help you get a big tip. 637 00:31:12,805 --> 00:31:14,432 Just like the old days. 638 00:31:14,473 --> 00:31:16,532 And while we're at it... 639 00:31:16,576 --> 00:31:18,635 may I ask for your hand? 640 00:31:18,678 --> 00:31:20,839 Ooh, I accept. 641 00:31:21,847 --> 00:31:24,475 You know, if you and I work together, 642 00:31:24,517 --> 00:31:26,951 we will definitely win this Key Largo prize. 643 00:31:26,986 --> 00:31:28,180 Mmm, no. 644 00:31:28,221 --> 00:31:30,280 Come on, Mia. Why are you being so difficult? 645 00:31:30,323 --> 00:31:31,881 I want my tickle friend back. 646 00:31:31,924 --> 00:31:33,653 - You do? - Ooh! 647 00:31:35,228 --> 00:31:36,752 Rich, did you just take a bite of that? 648 00:31:36,796 --> 00:31:38,559 Rich? 649 00:31:38,598 --> 00:31:39,963 Something's stuck. 650 00:31:42,268 --> 00:31:44,395 Jesus Christ, there was a diamond ring in that brownie. 651 00:31:44,437 --> 00:31:46,598 It was in the send back area. It was up for grabs. 652 00:31:46,639 --> 00:31:49,506 - You said it was a send back. - I said I want my tickle friend back. 653 00:31:49,542 --> 00:31:51,669 What the fuck is a tickle friend? 654 00:31:53,813 --> 00:31:56,077 Cough it up. 655 00:31:56,115 --> 00:31:57,639 Come on! 656 00:31:57,683 --> 00:31:59,708 I'm not choking. I swallowed it. 657 00:31:59,752 --> 00:32:02,414 Get it out. 658 00:32:19,272 --> 00:32:21,672 Clam chowder for the gentleman. 659 00:32:21,707 --> 00:32:24,232 One, two, three. 660 00:32:26,045 --> 00:32:29,014 The salmon and haricots verts for the lady. 661 00:32:29,048 --> 00:32:32,415 One, two, three. 662 00:32:32,451 --> 00:32:34,442 Soup spoon. 663 00:32:34,487 --> 00:32:37,115 One, two, three. 664 00:32:37,156 --> 00:32:40,717 Is there anything else I can get you this evening? 665 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,024 I think we're fine for now. 666 00:32:43,062 --> 00:32:44,689 Thank you. 667 00:32:44,730 --> 00:32:47,164 One, two, three. 668 00:32:49,201 --> 00:32:51,192 Uh, enjoy your wine. 669 00:32:54,073 --> 00:32:56,667 Oh! 670 00:32:57,710 --> 00:33:00,235 Dude, it's heading down to Funkytown. 671 00:33:00,279 --> 00:33:01,906 I can't feel it anymore. 672 00:33:01,947 --> 00:33:03,710 - What is that thing? - It's a stud finder. 673 00:33:03,749 --> 00:33:06,240 Stud finder? Sounds like a gay dating service. 674 00:33:06,285 --> 00:33:07,775 Heyoo! 675 00:33:07,820 --> 00:33:09,481 Can we just get the ring, please? 676 00:33:09,522 --> 00:33:11,581 - Tara. - What? 677 00:33:11,624 --> 00:33:14,320 We need medical help. Rich just swallowed a really important diamond ring. 678 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,885 Um, is it still in the esophagus? 679 00:33:18,698 --> 00:33:20,632 Okay, well, it's too deep to expunge by vomiting. 680 00:33:20,666 --> 00:33:22,691 It could tear the esophageal tissue on its way up. 681 00:33:22,735 --> 00:33:24,100 After all, it is a diamond. 682 00:33:24,136 --> 00:33:25,797 Hardest substance known to man! 683 00:33:25,838 --> 00:33:29,774 Look, my advice... you have to pass it anally. 684 00:33:29,809 --> 00:33:32,573 - Oh, shit. - Hope it doesn't turn into coal. 685 00:33:32,611 --> 00:33:34,602 Dude, you better pray it doesn't fork off into your dick. 686 00:33:34,647 --> 00:33:36,308 Ouch. 687 00:33:36,349 --> 00:33:37,941 Nuts, what was with that counting thing at the table? 688 00:33:37,983 --> 00:33:40,008 Counting? 689 00:33:40,052 --> 00:33:41,485 Did you take your meds today? 690 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:44,216 Meds? Yeah, 3:30. Took 'em before I came here. 691 00:33:44,256 --> 00:33:46,884 Next one is at 8:30. 692 00:33:46,926 --> 00:33:48,257 Right now. 693 00:33:48,294 --> 00:33:50,785 Wait, did you account for daylight savings? 694 00:33:50,830 --> 00:33:53,458 Daylight savings. No. No. 695 00:33:53,499 --> 00:33:55,558 Well, that means that your body actually thinks it's 9:30. 696 00:33:55,601 --> 00:33:57,296 You were supposed to take your meds an hour ago. 697 00:33:57,336 --> 00:34:00,169 Uh-oh. Not good. 698 00:34:00,206 --> 00:34:02,868 Okay, look, why don't you take them and I'll watch your section? 699 00:34:02,908 --> 00:34:04,466 Yeah. 700 00:34:04,510 --> 00:34:06,535 Probably all those cock rings jangling around in there. 701 00:34:06,579 --> 00:34:08,012 Nuts, Nuts, Nuts, where are you going? 702 00:34:08,047 --> 00:34:10,607 I've got to get something out of the coat room. Just take a second. 703 00:34:10,649 --> 00:34:13,618 Can you watch these guy's tables? I got a diamond ring in me, man. 704 00:34:14,887 --> 00:34:17,219 That's all right. I'll get it later. 705 00:34:30,903 --> 00:34:33,098 - Was he just skipping? - What? 706 00:34:33,139 --> 00:34:35,664 - Was he just skipping? - Pig in a poke. 707 00:34:35,708 --> 00:34:37,198 Let's get back to work. 708 00:34:37,243 --> 00:34:39,871 I think I got a pretty good bead on a lunch box. 709 00:34:50,756 --> 00:34:51,984 What's up, buddy? 710 00:34:52,024 --> 00:34:55,050 Okay, there's been a bit of a snag. 711 00:34:55,094 --> 00:34:56,391 Okay, what? 712 00:34:56,429 --> 00:34:58,226 Someone ate your engagement ring. 713 00:34:59,932 --> 00:35:02,799 You're fucking with me. That's good. 714 00:35:02,835 --> 00:35:05,030 No. I put the ring in the brownie 715 00:35:05,070 --> 00:35:07,334 and I turned my back for just one second 716 00:35:07,373 --> 00:35:09,773 and a member of the staff ate the brownie. 717 00:35:09,809 --> 00:35:12,642 You stupid cock. That was a $450,000 718 00:35:12,678 --> 00:35:14,236 South African Bing diamond. 719 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,272 I want to speak to the manager and the asshole who ate it now. 720 00:35:17,316 --> 00:35:20,410 Did you know some dumb fuck ate my ring? 721 00:35:20,453 --> 00:35:23,513 Yes, sir. And I'm terribly sorry about that. 722 00:35:23,556 --> 00:35:24,887 So what are you gonna do about it? 723 00:35:24,924 --> 00:35:26,619 I'm trying to pass it. 724 00:35:26,659 --> 00:35:28,923 - Come again? - I'm trying to pass it. 725 00:35:28,961 --> 00:35:32,055 Anally. Coffee, cigarettes, laxatives. 726 00:35:32,097 --> 00:35:35,396 - It was you? - Uh, yes it was. 727 00:35:35,434 --> 00:35:40,098 That was a $450,000 South African Bing diamond you just ate. 728 00:35:40,139 --> 00:35:42,437 Uh, your meal is on the house tonight. 729 00:35:42,475 --> 00:35:43,703 Screw the meal. 730 00:35:43,742 --> 00:35:47,644 If you don't fuck out that shitting diamond and fast I'm gonna kick your ass. 731 00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,376 And Conster, there will be a sequel to that. 732 00:35:53,252 --> 00:35:55,311 Como se dice "Cleveland steamer"? 733 00:35:55,354 --> 00:35:56,912 Don't worry about it. 734 00:35:56,956 --> 00:35:58,787 Yo, Dave. 735 00:35:58,824 --> 00:36:01,224 No, don't even say it. 736 00:36:01,260 --> 00:36:02,625 The woman said it's cold. 737 00:36:02,661 --> 00:36:05,095 - It's steaming. - I know. 738 00:36:05,130 --> 00:36:06,427 Fucking customers, huh? 739 00:36:06,465 --> 00:36:09,434 I mean, I told her to cook with her ass and then go fuck herself but she insisted. 740 00:36:09,468 --> 00:36:11,766 I like you, Guy. 741 00:36:11,804 --> 00:36:13,999 Jamie, nuke the dick out of it. 742 00:36:14,039 --> 00:36:16,803 Si, se�or. 743 00:36:26,385 --> 00:36:29,115 Hey, what's that blue shit on your lips? 744 00:36:29,154 --> 00:36:30,416 Nothing. 745 00:36:30,456 --> 00:36:32,788 - Blue Curacao. - Are you drunk? 746 00:36:35,427 --> 00:36:37,622 Asshole, I got you this fucking job. 747 00:36:37,663 --> 00:36:39,790 You screw this up, I'm telling Mom. 748 00:36:39,832 --> 00:36:41,823 No! 749 00:36:41,867 --> 00:36:43,960 Come on, Se�or Dave, get him! 750 00:36:46,639 --> 00:36:49,164 Get him, Dave. Come on, man. 751 00:36:50,676 --> 00:36:52,439 I'm gonna stick your fucking face in the oven. 752 00:36:52,478 --> 00:36:54,275 I fucking hate you! 753 00:36:59,685 --> 00:37:01,312 Come on, se�or! 754 00:37:01,353 --> 00:37:03,821 Twins are disgusting, man. 755 00:37:03,856 --> 00:37:07,257 Want me to put your head in the oven? 'Cause I'll do it! I'll do it! 756 00:37:07,293 --> 00:37:09,193 I'm sorry. 757 00:37:09,228 --> 00:37:11,594 The kitchen just told me we're out of the brownies. 758 00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:13,530 So would you like the souffl� instead? 759 00:37:13,566 --> 00:37:15,625 It takes an hour to prepare. 760 00:37:15,668 --> 00:37:17,192 I don't think that we actually need... 761 00:37:17,236 --> 00:37:19,067 - Oh, we'll take it. - Honey. 762 00:37:19,104 --> 00:37:21,163 Now tell me all about your plans for the living room. 763 00:37:21,206 --> 00:37:23,367 Okay, 764 00:37:23,409 --> 00:37:26,469 where is my boyfriend and what did you do with him? 765 00:37:28,747 --> 00:37:31,215 Okay, think pillows. 766 00:37:31,250 --> 00:37:33,582 - I'll leave you two alone. - Starting with the bathtub... 767 00:37:33,619 --> 00:37:36,486 Oh, thank you. 768 00:37:36,522 --> 00:37:38,854 I'm a ballerina, you know? 769 00:37:38,891 --> 00:37:42,588 And I'm putting myself through the Bilitnikoff Ballet School. 770 00:37:43,829 --> 00:37:46,457 Well, you certainly got the body for it. 771 00:37:46,498 --> 00:37:49,899 And it stretches in every direction. 772 00:37:52,104 --> 00:37:55,198 Uh, here's a little something extra 773 00:37:55,240 --> 00:37:57,868 for the Sugar Plum Fairy. 774 00:37:57,910 --> 00:38:01,402 Oh, thank you. 775 00:38:02,648 --> 00:38:05,014 What are you looking at, Liz? 776 00:38:05,050 --> 00:38:07,985 - You are so winning this contest. - Oh, yeah. 777 00:39:06,945 --> 00:39:09,937 Oh... 778 00:39:09,982 --> 00:39:11,540 shit! 779 00:39:16,321 --> 00:39:18,380 Don't cry. It's gonna look fine. 780 00:39:18,424 --> 00:39:20,984 Oh, gently gently gently. Ah! 781 00:39:21,026 --> 00:39:23,119 This looks all right. Was this a cream-based soup? 782 00:39:23,162 --> 00:39:24,993 Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I think so. 783 00:39:25,030 --> 00:39:27,828 - Does that make a difference? - Sometimes. 784 00:39:27,866 --> 00:39:30,801 Okay, well, it looks like first-degree burns. 785 00:39:30,836 --> 00:39:32,827 It could lead to some epidermal scarring. 786 00:39:32,871 --> 00:39:36,807 I want you to go home and get some rest and drink plenty of water. 787 00:39:36,842 --> 00:39:39,868 I am not going home. I'm in first place. 788 00:39:39,912 --> 00:39:42,210 Hey, that's the spirit, Mia. Get out there. 789 00:39:42,247 --> 00:39:44,078 What? Rich, no. Look, she needs to rest 790 00:39:44,116 --> 00:39:47,108 and put some ichthammol or sulfadiazine on her face. 791 00:39:47,152 --> 00:39:50,644 Yeah, Rich, she needs ichthioldizine. 792 00:39:50,689 --> 00:39:53,522 Thank you, Donnie. At least someone here has a heart. 793 00:39:53,559 --> 00:39:55,891 - Thank you. - Um, all right. 794 00:39:55,928 --> 00:39:57,520 You guys are right. You're right. 795 00:39:57,563 --> 00:39:58,996 Mia, you should go home. 796 00:40:00,132 --> 00:40:02,794 Did Baryshnikov go home 797 00:40:02,835 --> 00:40:05,565 when he twisted his ankle at the Bolshoi Festival? 798 00:40:05,604 --> 00:40:07,162 I, uh... 799 00:40:07,206 --> 00:40:11,108 Did Vladimir Putinski walk away when he sprained his toe 800 00:40:11,143 --> 00:40:13,873 doing "The Marzipan King" at the Ballet des Elys�es? 801 00:40:13,912 --> 00:40:16,608 I'm guessing by your tone, no. 802 00:40:16,648 --> 00:40:20,778 Okay, did Joe Theesman quit baseball when he broke his leg? 803 00:40:20,819 --> 00:40:23,219 Um, it's actually Joe Theismann, 804 00:40:23,255 --> 00:40:24,688 and he never played football again. 805 00:40:24,723 --> 00:40:28,250 Either way, I am tougher than you are, motherfucker. 806 00:40:28,293 --> 00:40:31,160 Shh, what's that? 807 00:40:31,196 --> 00:40:34,222 Oh no. Oh, shit. Okay, I'll be back. 808 00:40:34,266 --> 00:40:37,235 - Look, Mia, just sit down, okay? - Yeah yeah. Don't touch. 809 00:40:37,269 --> 00:40:38,998 The Captain of Crunch, 810 00:40:39,037 --> 00:40:42,097 the Heavyweight Champion of the World, 811 00:40:42,141 --> 00:40:44,701 Slammin' Cleon Salmon. 812 00:40:47,045 --> 00:40:48,979 You've got to be kidding me. 813 00:40:49,014 --> 00:40:51,915 I am here. Undefeated, baby. 814 00:40:51,950 --> 00:40:54,077 - The king is here. - You're number one. 815 00:40:54,119 --> 00:40:55,984 How you doing? Come here and give me a hug. 816 00:40:56,021 --> 00:40:57,716 Mmm, you look good. 817 00:40:57,756 --> 00:41:00,589 Hey, get a carrot for the SS Fudgealicious, okay? 818 00:41:00,626 --> 00:41:02,560 I assume that's the horse? 819 00:41:02,594 --> 00:41:06,360 Never assume. When you assume you make an asshole out of yourself. 820 00:41:07,933 --> 00:41:10,231 All right, thank you. Go back to eating. 821 00:41:10,269 --> 00:41:11,930 Enjoy yourselves. Forget it. It's not about me. 822 00:41:11,970 --> 00:41:15,531 Hey, Rich, tell Dave to cook that swordfish. 823 00:41:15,574 --> 00:41:18,441 I won it from Emeril Lagasse in a thumb-wrestling contest. 824 00:41:18,477 --> 00:41:20,570 I broke this thumb. Bam! 825 00:41:20,612 --> 00:41:22,876 He cried like a baby. 826 00:41:22,915 --> 00:41:25,110 Hey, look, me and Mr. Yamamuri, 827 00:41:25,150 --> 00:41:27,118 we want the best seat in the house. 828 00:41:27,152 --> 00:41:28,551 We want the royal treatment, Rich. 829 00:41:28,587 --> 00:41:30,145 Uh, Champ, you can't. 830 00:41:30,189 --> 00:41:32,919 I mean, we need those tables if you want to earn the 20 grand. 831 00:41:32,958 --> 00:41:35,620 That's nice, Rich. Check this out. 832 00:41:35,661 --> 00:41:37,788 If you don't find me a table, 833 00:41:37,830 --> 00:41:41,391 I'm gonna shove him up your ass. 834 00:41:41,433 --> 00:41:44,891 Champ, isn't he Yakuza? 835 00:41:44,937 --> 00:41:47,770 Come on, man. Don't be racist. No, he's not Yakuza. 836 00:41:47,806 --> 00:41:51,674 Mr. Yamamuri is gonna make the first Slammin' Salmon candy bar in Japan. 837 00:41:51,710 --> 00:41:53,701 Check it out... a layer of chocolate, 838 00:41:53,745 --> 00:41:57,647 nougat, peanut, more nougat and salmon. 839 00:41:57,683 --> 00:41:59,776 Yeah, I know it sounds nasty, but trust me. 840 00:41:59,818 --> 00:42:02,309 They love that fish candy over in the Orient. 841 00:42:02,354 --> 00:42:04,618 Now I'm saying that to say this: 842 00:42:04,656 --> 00:42:07,489 shut the fuck up, get me a table, 843 00:42:07,526 --> 00:42:10,359 or I'm gonna use your nuts for cufflinks. 844 00:42:10,395 --> 00:42:12,522 - Coming right up. Great. - All right. 845 00:42:12,564 --> 00:42:14,395 - Candy bar sounds delicious. - It is. 846 00:42:14,433 --> 00:42:16,765 - Okay, be right back. - All right. 847 00:42:16,802 --> 00:42:19,236 You're gonna love this waitress. She's a ballerina. 848 00:42:19,271 --> 00:42:22,365 Graceful like a swan. Tell Mr. Yamamuri. 849 00:42:24,476 --> 00:42:27,001 Hey, Champ. 850 00:42:28,947 --> 00:42:31,381 What the fuck happened to you? 851 00:42:31,416 --> 00:42:33,509 I got burned with soup. 852 00:42:33,552 --> 00:42:36,817 Don't you know you're supposed to blow on it first? 853 00:42:36,855 --> 00:42:38,083 Yes, Champ. 854 00:42:38,123 --> 00:42:40,353 Well, don't just stand there. Get out of here, soup face. 855 00:42:40,392 --> 00:42:41,825 You're offending my Tokyokan guest. 856 00:42:41,860 --> 00:42:44,795 - Get me the smart girl. - Tara? 857 00:42:44,830 --> 00:42:47,628 - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm gonna get her for you. 858 00:42:47,666 --> 00:42:50,294 And tell her to bring me some champagne. 859 00:42:50,335 --> 00:42:53,270 I am so sorry, but her soup face scared the shit out of me. 860 00:42:53,305 --> 00:42:55,000 My voice is not that high. 861 00:42:57,175 --> 00:43:00,076 This says eight hours. I need something faster. 862 00:43:00,112 --> 00:43:02,012 I hear eye-drops work on some people. 863 00:43:02,047 --> 00:43:04,572 One glass of apple juice and I can fill up a mailbox. 864 00:43:04,616 --> 00:43:07,585 - Yogurt. - Cheddar cheese. 865 00:43:07,619 --> 00:43:11,487 Tara, the Champ wants you to wait on him. 866 00:43:11,523 --> 00:43:14,219 Oh, okay. 867 00:43:15,260 --> 00:43:18,559 - Cause of the... - Oh, yeah. Right. 868 00:43:23,201 --> 00:43:26,659 Mr. Yamamuri say he think if Muhammad Ali 869 00:43:26,705 --> 00:43:29,196 was still young man no one ever defeat him. 870 00:43:30,709 --> 00:43:33,200 Yeah, well, if ifs and buts was candies and nuts, 871 00:43:33,245 --> 00:43:35,270 we'd all have a merry Christmas. Tell him that. 872 00:43:39,851 --> 00:43:41,512 No, I didn't say that. 873 00:43:41,553 --> 00:43:45,182 If ifs and buts was candies and nuts, 874 00:43:45,223 --> 00:43:47,487 we'd all have a merry Christmas. 875 00:43:47,526 --> 00:43:48,891 Yes, Champ-san. 876 00:43:48,927 --> 00:43:50,986 - I translate... - Say it! 877 00:43:53,365 --> 00:43:57,461 If if and but was candy and nut, 878 00:43:57,502 --> 00:43:59,834 we all have a merry Christmas. 879 00:43:59,871 --> 00:44:02,362 Thank you. Was that so hard? 880 00:44:02,407 --> 00:44:05,308 - Hey, Champ. - Mmm. 881 00:44:05,344 --> 00:44:06,811 Oh. 882 00:44:06,845 --> 00:44:09,712 Dave, what did you do? Did you blow Papa Smurf? 883 00:44:12,150 --> 00:44:14,880 Blow Papa Smurf. 884 00:44:16,388 --> 00:44:19,585 We got a couple of stiffs over here. 885 00:44:19,624 --> 00:44:21,421 Champ, would you like to order some appetizers? 886 00:44:21,460 --> 00:44:24,122 Yes, I would like to order some encrapments. 887 00:44:24,162 --> 00:44:26,790 I will have the frutti del mare, 888 00:44:26,832 --> 00:44:29,232 the oysters del cabana 889 00:44:29,267 --> 00:44:31,497 and the clams casino. 890 00:44:31,536 --> 00:44:33,902 And for the entree I want that swordfish that I caught. 891 00:44:33,939 --> 00:44:36,840 Oh, and Dave, make sure you cook the nose too. 892 00:44:36,875 --> 00:44:39,173 I want to see what that tastes like. 893 00:44:39,211 --> 00:44:40,678 You got that, Dave? 894 00:44:40,712 --> 00:44:43,340 Oh, and I want maraschino cherries on everything. 895 00:44:43,382 --> 00:44:46,283 Did you know that the word maraschino 896 00:44:46,318 --> 00:44:49,549 came from the boxer Rocky Maraschino? 897 00:44:49,588 --> 00:44:52,614 Uh, it's actually Rocky Marciano. 898 00:44:52,657 --> 00:44:55,558 Whatever, motherfucker! 899 00:44:55,594 --> 00:44:57,892 Okay. Okay. Okay. 900 00:44:59,231 --> 00:45:02,200 How do you say motherfucker in Spanish? 901 00:45:02,234 --> 00:45:04,702 Most guys go surf 'n' turf. 902 00:45:04,736 --> 00:45:07,637 But I like a guy who goes surf 'n' surf 'n' turf 'n' turf. 903 00:45:07,672 --> 00:45:09,367 You know, actually, could you give us a minute? 904 00:45:09,408 --> 00:45:13,071 And we will call you when we need you. 905 00:45:13,111 --> 00:45:16,547 You men always say you're gonna call. 906 00:45:16,581 --> 00:45:18,606 Okay, actually I'm just trying to keep my appetite here. 907 00:45:18,650 --> 00:45:20,743 But thank you... 908 00:45:20,786 --> 00:45:22,845 for groping me 909 00:45:22,888 --> 00:45:24,947 and bringing your face into our dinner. 910 00:45:26,625 --> 00:45:29,458 These are the days I thank God I have a perfect face. 911 00:45:36,201 --> 00:45:37,566 Sorry. 912 00:45:42,441 --> 00:45:44,466 Hmm. 913 00:45:45,844 --> 00:45:48,142 - Hey, you. - Oh. 914 00:45:49,681 --> 00:45:53,310 So I'm gonna take you up on your offer about working as a team. 915 00:45:53,351 --> 00:45:56,445 Oh, I don't know. 916 00:45:56,488 --> 00:45:58,683 I think I would drag you down. 917 00:45:58,723 --> 00:46:00,213 No. 918 00:46:00,258 --> 00:46:02,556 Best of luck to you. 919 00:46:03,895 --> 00:46:06,386 Get it out of the soup! Get it out of the soup! 920 00:46:06,431 --> 00:46:08,991 Will somebody please kill this thing?! 921 00:46:09,034 --> 00:46:12,526 He's strong! He's strong! 922 00:46:12,571 --> 00:46:15,540 What the fuck is taking so long? 923 00:46:18,610 --> 00:46:20,805 Oh! 924 00:46:22,380 --> 00:46:24,610 You have to dominate the swordfish. 925 00:46:24,649 --> 00:46:27,379 Only then can you saut� it. 926 00:46:27,419 --> 00:46:29,546 Thanks, Champ. 927 00:46:29,588 --> 00:46:31,522 Rich, numbers! 928 00:46:31,556 --> 00:46:33,888 Here you go. 929 00:46:33,925 --> 00:46:35,256 Are we at 20 grand yet? 930 00:46:35,293 --> 00:46:36,692 We're at 12,000. 931 00:46:36,728 --> 00:46:38,593 That's not even halfway. 932 00:46:38,630 --> 00:46:41,224 - Um, actually... - In my office! 933 00:46:43,168 --> 00:46:44,760 Everybody in my office! 934 00:46:46,338 --> 00:46:48,329 No no no, not the customers. 935 00:46:48,373 --> 00:46:50,068 You guys sit down. 936 00:46:50,108 --> 00:46:52,474 Wait staff in my office. 937 00:47:07,692 --> 00:47:11,355 So I guess nobody wants this trip to the Bahamas. 938 00:47:11,396 --> 00:47:14,194 Um, it's actually Key Largo, Champ. Persuasions. 939 00:47:14,232 --> 00:47:17,497 You know what? Don't say another word. 940 00:47:17,536 --> 00:47:20,699 'Cause you've proven yourself useless, wouldn't you say? 941 00:47:20,739 --> 00:47:22,798 Say it. 942 00:47:22,841 --> 00:47:27,039 I am useless with a capital Y. 943 00:47:27,078 --> 00:47:29,308 I am useless 944 00:47:29,347 --> 00:47:31,247 with a capital Y. 945 00:47:31,283 --> 00:47:34,775 That's right. Now then, when I was in your position, 946 00:47:34,819 --> 00:47:37,049 I would have rabbit-punched my own mother 947 00:47:37,088 --> 00:47:39,022 for a trip to the Bahamas. 948 00:47:40,625 --> 00:47:43,093 Are you telling me you wouldn't want to be on a beach right now 949 00:47:43,128 --> 00:47:44,959 sipping on a strawberry daiquiri? 950 00:47:44,996 --> 00:47:47,760 - I would like that very much. - Well, too bad! 951 00:47:47,799 --> 00:47:50,427 'Cause strawberry daiquiris are for closers! 952 00:47:50,468 --> 00:47:52,265 Not for pussies! 953 00:47:55,273 --> 00:47:56,672 Hey, numbnuts. 954 00:47:56,708 --> 00:47:58,972 Yeah, Champ? 955 00:47:59,010 --> 00:48:01,638 You're gonna be polishing my fist with your teeth. 956 00:48:02,714 --> 00:48:04,443 I'll get to you later. 957 00:48:04,482 --> 00:48:07,815 Who is Guy "Meatdrapes"? What kind of name is that? 958 00:48:07,852 --> 00:48:10,252 It's Metdrapedes, sir. 959 00:48:10,288 --> 00:48:12,279 It's Greek. 960 00:48:12,324 --> 00:48:14,690 Well, I think you're pronouncing it wrong. 961 00:48:14,726 --> 00:48:16,660 This says "Meatdrapes." 962 00:48:16,695 --> 00:48:19,255 It's actually pronounced Metdrapedes. 963 00:48:19,297 --> 00:48:21,265 Well, why doesn't it sound like that when I say it? 964 00:48:21,299 --> 00:48:23,096 "Meatdrapes." 965 00:48:23,134 --> 00:48:25,432 I don't know. 966 00:48:25,470 --> 00:48:27,768 You don't know much, do you, Guy? 967 00:48:27,806 --> 00:48:29,535 No, sir. 968 00:48:29,574 --> 00:48:31,769 Well, if a trip to the Bahamas 969 00:48:31,810 --> 00:48:34,278 ain't gonna get the molasses out ya asses, 970 00:48:34,312 --> 00:48:36,803 maybe $10,000 will do the trick. 971 00:48:36,848 --> 00:48:39,180 - What? - What? 972 00:48:39,217 --> 00:48:42,118 - 10,000 bucks? - That's right, new prize. 973 00:48:42,153 --> 00:48:45,816 Top waiter leaves here tonight with 10 grand in his pocket. 974 00:48:45,857 --> 00:48:49,224 Do you know what 10 grand feels like in your pocket? 975 00:48:49,261 --> 00:48:51,525 It feels like a third cock. 976 00:48:51,563 --> 00:48:55,021 Jesus, how many cocks you got, Champ? 977 00:48:56,801 --> 00:48:58,701 Are you lampooning me, Meatdrapes? 978 00:48:58,737 --> 00:48:59,999 No, of course not, sir. 979 00:49:00,038 --> 00:49:02,802 - You want a punch in the eye, Guy? - No, please. 980 00:49:02,841 --> 00:49:04,809 I can make your face look like a pie, Guy. 981 00:49:04,843 --> 00:49:06,640 Oh, God, no. 982 00:49:06,678 --> 00:49:08,646 Oh! 983 00:49:18,156 --> 00:49:20,386 Excuse me. I didn't mean to do that. 984 00:49:20,425 --> 00:49:23,189 But now you know the deal. 985 00:49:23,228 --> 00:49:25,458 The waiter that comes in first place 986 00:49:25,497 --> 00:49:27,795 gets $10,000. 987 00:49:27,832 --> 00:49:31,233 Whoever comes in last gets a broken rib sandwich. 988 00:49:31,269 --> 00:49:34,067 And I wasn't even trying to hurt him. 989 00:49:34,105 --> 00:49:37,438 - Are you about to cry, Guy? - No, of course not. 990 00:49:37,475 --> 00:49:39,238 Loosen up your tie, Guy. 991 00:49:39,277 --> 00:49:41,472 Did you hear what I just said? 992 00:49:41,513 --> 00:49:43,447 It was a rhyme. 993 00:49:43,481 --> 00:49:46,882 If you're not gonna cry, then put it in his eye. 994 00:49:46,918 --> 00:49:51,548 Punch to the gut and make him smell like a skunk. 995 00:49:51,589 --> 00:49:54,149 If he runs out of meat then he's... 996 00:50:03,335 --> 00:50:05,235 So what are you all staring at? 997 00:50:05,270 --> 00:50:07,465 Don't nobody want $10,000? 998 00:50:07,505 --> 00:50:10,133 Get the hell out of here now! 999 00:50:10,175 --> 00:50:12,336 - Get out of my way. - I've got this thing in the bag. 1000 00:50:12,377 --> 00:50:13,776 Bullshit, big nose, it's already over. 1001 00:50:13,812 --> 00:50:15,780 Um, Champ, 1002 00:50:15,814 --> 00:50:17,748 I don't mean to tell you your business, 1003 00:50:17,782 --> 00:50:20,444 but if you have to make 20 grand tonight and you give away 10, 1004 00:50:20,485 --> 00:50:23,113 it works counter to what you're trying to do. 1005 00:50:23,154 --> 00:50:26,521 Richardo, believe it or not, I ain't a numbers man. 1006 00:50:26,558 --> 00:50:28,617 I punch people for a living. 1007 00:50:28,660 --> 00:50:31,925 And I'm gonna punch you if you don't make that money tonight. 1008 00:50:31,963 --> 00:50:34,591 Okay, that's good math. I'm on it. 1009 00:50:45,810 --> 00:50:48,438 - You really mean that? - Oh, yeah I do. 1010 00:50:49,948 --> 00:50:51,939 Wow, that is so cool. 1011 00:50:51,983 --> 00:50:54,213 It's that couple's 20th wedding anniversary. 1012 00:50:54,252 --> 00:50:57,881 Really? They look so young. 1013 00:50:57,922 --> 00:50:59,651 Well, they've been married since they were 16. 1014 00:50:59,691 --> 00:51:02,125 Can you believe? That's amore. 1015 00:51:03,194 --> 00:51:07,187 Gordon, send those kids a bottle of champagne. 1016 00:51:07,232 --> 00:51:09,029 Apparently they've been married for 10 years. 1017 00:51:09,067 --> 00:51:11,831 But she didn't want to get pregnant until the cancer went into remission. 1018 00:51:11,870 --> 00:51:14,964 Well, it went into remission last week. 1019 00:51:15,006 --> 00:51:17,839 Oh, will you send them a bottle of your best champagne? On us, of course. 1020 00:51:17,876 --> 00:51:19,741 - It'd be my pleasure. - Thank you. 1021 00:51:19,778 --> 00:51:21,746 You see that man over there? 1022 00:51:21,780 --> 00:51:24,476 He's the one who pulled me from the burning car. 1023 00:51:24,516 --> 00:51:25,983 He's my hero. 1024 00:51:26,017 --> 00:51:27,985 After three years in a wheelchair, 1025 00:51:28,019 --> 00:51:30,010 he walked into her arms. 1026 00:51:30,054 --> 00:51:32,716 It was "Oprah"'s highest rated episode. 1027 00:51:32,757 --> 00:51:35,658 And they're sitting right over there. 1028 00:51:35,693 --> 00:51:39,129 I am gonna stuff it in your ass tonight. 1029 00:51:39,164 --> 00:51:41,962 Well, that's gonna be an extra 50 bucks. 1030 00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:45,197 That's okay. Shellfish makes me horny. 1031 00:51:45,236 --> 00:51:47,966 - Good, 'cause I got crabs. - Who doesn't? 1032 00:51:48,006 --> 00:51:51,442 Excuse me, sir. Compliments of the house. 1033 00:51:58,016 --> 00:52:00,246 What is this, some kind of hidden camera thing? 1034 00:52:00,285 --> 00:52:03,220 - Are you miked? - Are you miked? 1035 00:52:03,254 --> 00:52:06,087 I was just kidding about the anal. 1036 00:52:07,826 --> 00:52:09,157 I was just bored at the hotel. 1037 00:52:09,194 --> 00:52:11,253 I was looking for something to do with my cock. 1038 00:52:11,296 --> 00:52:13,389 Perfectly natch. 1039 00:52:13,431 --> 00:52:16,594 Come on, take a look at her. You wouldn't kick in that back door? 1040 00:52:16,634 --> 00:52:19,262 - I'm not ashamed. - Fuck this! 1041 00:52:32,317 --> 00:52:35,650 Yeah, Guy. Number two with a bullet. 1042 00:52:35,687 --> 00:52:38,178 Congratulations. 1043 00:52:38,223 --> 00:52:39,622 Burn. 1044 00:52:39,657 --> 00:52:42,182 I would like to see you try and sell with a burned face, 1045 00:52:42,227 --> 00:52:44,525 you orange tanned prick! 1046 00:52:44,562 --> 00:52:47,030 Oh, sucks to be you, Hiroshima. 1047 00:52:48,633 --> 00:52:49,998 10 grand! 1048 00:52:50,034 --> 00:52:54,596 I got my eye on a leather couch with a velvet dick hole in it. 1049 00:52:54,639 --> 00:52:56,129 Oh, yeah? Well, check out the scoreboard. 1050 00:52:56,174 --> 00:52:58,074 You got to get by me first, fake 'n' bake. 1051 00:52:58,109 --> 00:53:01,169 - Aha-ha! See ya. - Oh, I am going to own this. 1052 00:53:12,457 --> 00:53:15,085 Hi there. Hey. 1053 00:53:15,126 --> 00:53:17,094 Is that Norma Jones? 1054 00:53:17,128 --> 00:53:18,891 That's Nutella the pop star. 1055 00:53:18,930 --> 00:53:21,160 Yeah, you take Norah Jones, Fergie and Beyonce 1056 00:53:21,199 --> 00:53:22,666 and mix 'em together, you get Nutella. 1057 00:53:22,700 --> 00:53:26,158 Ah. Who's Beyonce? 1058 00:53:26,204 --> 00:53:29,196 - Nutella, Nutella. - There he is. 1059 00:53:29,240 --> 00:53:31,037 Good to see you. 1060 00:53:31,075 --> 00:53:33,270 Mwah mwah. 1061 00:53:33,311 --> 00:53:36,371 Nutella thinks it's always good to see you too, Champ. 1062 00:53:36,414 --> 00:53:37,972 Give 'em the best seat in the house. 1063 00:53:38,016 --> 00:53:41,213 Thank you, baby. Y'all see all that chocolate? 1064 00:53:41,252 --> 00:53:43,277 - I know, I love chocolate. - I heard that. 1065 00:53:43,321 --> 00:53:44,754 - Right this way. - All right. 1066 00:53:44,789 --> 00:53:47,155 - Perfect, that table. - Come on. 1067 00:53:47,191 --> 00:53:50,160 - Thank you. - Yes! 1068 00:53:50,194 --> 00:53:52,458 Come on. 1069 00:53:52,497 --> 00:53:55,523 - Hey, sexy Patty. - Hey. 1070 00:53:55,567 --> 00:53:57,296 Hey, if you give me the best tables for the rest of the night 1071 00:53:57,335 --> 00:53:58,962 I'll take you to Persuasions with me. 1072 00:53:59,003 --> 00:54:00,834 Oh, I thought you were taking Mia. 1073 00:54:00,872 --> 00:54:03,670 No, I would rather take you-a. 1074 00:54:03,708 --> 00:54:05,801 Oh my God, you are so funny. 1075 00:54:05,843 --> 00:54:07,174 You've got a great sense of humor. 1076 00:54:07,211 --> 00:54:08,678 Oh, you have great posture. 1077 00:54:08,713 --> 00:54:10,146 I used to have scoliosis. 1078 00:54:10,181 --> 00:54:12,479 You can't tell. 1079 00:54:16,421 --> 00:54:17,888 Good evening, Miss Nutella. 1080 00:54:17,922 --> 00:54:21,221 We are so honored to have you with us tonight. 1081 00:54:21,259 --> 00:54:24,126 Can I just say that I love your song 1082 00:54:24,162 --> 00:54:26,357 "Too Sincere For You"? 1083 00:54:26,397 --> 00:54:30,094 For you... It's up here. 1084 00:54:30,134 --> 00:54:31,931 Got it. Nutella thanks you, baby. 1085 00:54:31,970 --> 00:54:34,438 Now can we order fast? 'Cause Nutella is hungry. 1086 00:54:34,472 --> 00:54:36,064 Of course. 1087 00:54:36,107 --> 00:54:38,098 So what should we have? 1088 00:54:38,142 --> 00:54:42,169 Well, the Champ ordered two bottles of Cristal, 1089 00:54:42,213 --> 00:54:44,511 four lobsters troubadour, 1090 00:54:44,549 --> 00:54:46,380 an Alaskan king crab, 1091 00:54:46,417 --> 00:54:49,909 oysters carbonara and a round of swordfish. 1092 00:54:49,954 --> 00:54:52,388 Well, we will take five of that. 1093 00:54:52,423 --> 00:54:54,721 - Fantastic. - You treat Nutella right, 1094 00:54:54,759 --> 00:54:56,556 Nutella treats you right. 1095 00:54:56,594 --> 00:54:58,528 - I know what you're saying, girlfriend. - All right, girl. 1096 00:54:58,563 --> 00:55:01,828 - Okay, right. - Show 'em what you're working with. 1097 00:55:19,751 --> 00:55:22,686 Okay, great. There we go. 1098 00:55:24,856 --> 00:55:27,757 No. What? What are you doing? 1099 00:55:27,792 --> 00:55:29,919 - Why am I on the board? - I am giving you a section. 1100 00:55:29,961 --> 00:55:32,054 Congratulations, you are in the competition. 1101 00:55:32,096 --> 00:55:33,495 What are you talking about? I'm a busboy. 1102 00:55:33,531 --> 00:55:36,261 - You were a busboy. - Get your hands off me. 1103 00:55:36,300 --> 00:55:37,790 But now you're a waiter. 1104 00:55:37,835 --> 00:55:40,565 No, I don't know the first thing about waiting tables. 1105 00:55:40,605 --> 00:55:43,073 It's very simple. You ask the people what they want, 1106 00:55:43,107 --> 00:55:45,473 and then you bring it to them. A monkey could do it. 1107 00:55:45,510 --> 00:55:49,002 I'm four hours behind these guys and I'm shitfaced. 1108 00:55:49,047 --> 00:55:50,844 - Bring those tables out. - No no no! 1109 00:55:50,882 --> 00:55:53,214 Great, stick them wherever they fit. 1110 00:55:53,251 --> 00:55:54,946 Please don't do this. 1111 00:55:54,986 --> 00:55:57,386 Rock shrimp and scallop linguini. 1112 00:55:57,422 --> 00:56:00,186 Stay close to the shitter. I call it my pants down pasta. 1113 00:56:00,224 --> 00:56:02,124 Be sure to eat all the cream. Hey, douchebag. 1114 00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:04,822 Dave, you've got to tell the guy I'm a fuck-up, yeah? 1115 00:56:04,862 --> 00:56:07,422 No no no, you'll do great. You made it through six months of college. 1116 00:56:07,465 --> 00:56:09,990 - Come on, Dave. - Sounds like waiter material to me. 1117 00:56:10,034 --> 00:56:11,968 This is delicious. 1118 00:56:12,003 --> 00:56:15,871 I hope the Champ knocks every tooth out of your fucking head. 1119 00:56:15,907 --> 00:56:17,966 I hope the Champ knocks your tooth out. 1120 00:56:22,280 --> 00:56:24,475 Ah! 1121 00:56:25,616 --> 00:56:28,517 Shots shots shots. Come on, get it into ya. 1122 00:56:31,556 --> 00:56:34,320 Hello, gentlemen, and welcome to the Salmon Slammin'. 1123 00:56:34,358 --> 00:56:37,725 My name is Donnie. Can I start you off with something to drink tonight? 1124 00:56:37,762 --> 00:56:40,356 We've already got some drinks, haven't we, mate? 1125 00:56:40,398 --> 00:56:42,366 Sounds like you're from the UK. 1126 00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:45,767 Are you in a band like Oasis or Herman's Hermits? 1127 00:56:45,803 --> 00:56:48,465 No, we're not. 1128 00:56:48,506 --> 00:56:51,339 Are there any answers I can question you from the menu tonight? 1129 00:56:51,375 --> 00:56:54,674 All right, Donnie, why don't you tell us something good on the menu, eh? 1130 00:56:54,712 --> 00:56:56,612 Well, the Blue Curacao is excellent. 1131 00:56:56,647 --> 00:56:58,842 Private joke. 1132 00:56:58,883 --> 00:57:01,147 Just get us some more shots, all right? 1133 00:57:01,185 --> 00:57:03,813 Then I will just clear these shot glasses out of the way for you. 1134 00:57:03,855 --> 00:57:05,948 Hey hey! 1135 00:57:10,561 --> 00:57:12,791 You fucking cunt. 1136 00:57:12,830 --> 00:57:15,628 I'm not drunk. 1137 00:57:28,746 --> 00:57:31,010 So how is everything tonight? 1138 00:57:31,048 --> 00:57:34,211 Oh, truly splendid, Guy. Thank you. 1139 00:57:34,252 --> 00:57:36,777 Well, we're really really busy tonight. 1140 00:57:36,821 --> 00:57:38,721 Yes, I can see that. 1141 00:57:38,756 --> 00:57:41,247 So is there anything else I can get for you tonight 1142 00:57:41,292 --> 00:57:43,487 or just the check? 1143 00:57:43,528 --> 00:57:46,156 Well, I wouldn't mind a cup of tea. 1144 00:57:46,197 --> 00:57:49,724 Get the fuck out of here. 1145 00:57:49,767 --> 00:57:51,826 Excuse me? 1146 00:57:51,869 --> 00:57:53,359 Are you reading "War and Peace"? 1147 00:57:53,404 --> 00:57:54,735 Get the fuck out of here. I love that book. 1148 00:57:54,772 --> 00:57:58,037 Oh, well, perhaps you'd like to come to my book club. 1149 00:57:58,075 --> 00:58:02,375 Yeah, last week we read Flaubert's "Madame Bovary." 1150 00:58:02,413 --> 00:58:04,608 It really brought the... 1151 00:58:04,649 --> 00:58:06,879 house down. 1152 00:58:06,918 --> 00:58:08,749 Hey, kid. 1153 00:58:08,786 --> 00:58:10,083 I like you. 1154 00:58:10,121 --> 00:58:12,282 I think they put you in a really tough situation. 1155 00:58:12,323 --> 00:58:14,382 I'm gonna help you out and give you one of my tables. 1156 00:58:14,425 --> 00:58:16,120 Really? Thanks. 1157 00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:18,355 Yeah, see Donald Trump over there? 1158 00:58:20,364 --> 00:58:22,264 Knock yourself out. 1159 00:58:25,036 --> 00:58:27,561 - Mmm-mmm. - Ooh, Connor. 1160 00:58:27,605 --> 00:58:29,971 - Hmm? - I just sat you a six. 1161 00:58:30,007 --> 00:58:31,440 Six. 1162 00:58:31,475 --> 00:58:33,204 Mmm, thanks, Patty. 1163 00:58:36,180 --> 00:58:38,910 So you just keep whacking him in the knee. 1164 00:58:40,985 --> 00:58:43,453 Painful, but better than a punch in the face. 1165 00:58:49,961 --> 00:58:53,226 - Connor? - Hey, Morgan. 1166 00:58:53,264 --> 00:58:55,732 Hi. 1167 00:58:55,766 --> 00:58:57,666 You remember Dick Lobo, 1168 00:58:57,702 --> 00:59:00,136 - the producer of "CFI Hotlanta." - Hey. 1169 00:59:00,171 --> 00:59:01,729 Of course. 1170 00:59:01,772 --> 00:59:03,706 And the entire rest of the cast. 1171 00:59:03,741 --> 00:59:06,437 Yeah, Ron, Mary Kay, Jojo. 1172 00:59:06,477 --> 00:59:09,139 Um, what are you guys doing here? 1173 00:59:09,180 --> 00:59:12,149 Oh, we're in town to shoot this fabulous crossover promo 1174 00:59:12,183 --> 00:59:13,514 with "CFI Miami." 1175 00:59:13,551 --> 00:59:15,041 Oh, cool. 1176 00:59:15,086 --> 00:59:17,316 You know, somebody suggested that if I was in Miami 1177 00:59:17,355 --> 00:59:18,822 this is the place to come. 1178 00:59:18,856 --> 00:59:20,619 That was me. 1179 00:59:20,658 --> 00:59:23,126 Right. Right. 1180 00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:25,287 Yeah, so what are you doing here? 1181 00:59:25,329 --> 00:59:27,923 You researching a role for TV or something? 1182 00:59:27,965 --> 00:59:29,728 Not really. 1183 00:59:29,767 --> 00:59:32,429 I actually just work here. So... 1184 00:59:32,470 --> 00:59:35,200 Keeping it real, huh? 1185 00:59:35,239 --> 00:59:38,572 - Good for you, dog. - All right. Okay. 1186 00:59:40,144 --> 00:59:43,307 So can I get you all started off 1187 00:59:43,347 --> 00:59:45,508 with something to drink? 1188 00:59:45,549 --> 00:59:49,849 I told myself I wasn't going to put 1189 00:59:49,887 --> 00:59:54,449 my thumbprint into every dessert 1190 00:59:54,492 --> 00:59:55,959 and yet... 1191 00:59:58,763 --> 01:00:00,594 That's impossible. 1192 01:00:00,631 --> 01:00:02,531 I never touched that one. 1193 01:00:02,566 --> 01:00:03,999 You know you're gonna have to start over now. 1194 01:00:04,035 --> 01:00:05,366 I know. 1195 01:00:06,437 --> 01:00:09,099 I told myself I wasn't going to put... 1196 01:00:09,140 --> 01:00:10,937 This is undefeated, you are... 1197 01:00:10,975 --> 01:00:13,034 should be depleted. 1198 01:00:13,077 --> 01:00:14,635 When you go against me 1199 01:00:14,679 --> 01:00:17,239 you're gonna be needing a paramedic. 1200 01:00:17,281 --> 01:00:20,216 P-a-r-a-dic. Paramedic. 1201 01:00:22,520 --> 01:00:25,353 Zongo's in the house! 1202 01:00:34,432 --> 01:00:36,730 Hey, he's onto something. 1203 01:00:36,767 --> 01:00:38,359 You guys see Nuts? 1204 01:00:38,402 --> 01:00:41,735 I want all the wait staff skipping just like Nuts now. 1205 01:00:43,741 --> 01:00:46,710 God damn it, I said now! Skip! 1206 01:00:46,744 --> 01:00:49,212 Skip, everybody! 1207 01:00:49,246 --> 01:00:51,476 Keep skipping. Keep skipping. 1208 01:00:51,515 --> 01:00:53,244 If you're in one place, hop up and down. 1209 01:00:53,284 --> 01:00:56,048 - There you go, man. - You doing all right? 1210 01:00:56,087 --> 01:00:59,716 Skip it like you mean it! Keep skipping! 1211 01:00:59,757 --> 01:01:01,190 What the fuck? 1212 01:01:01,225 --> 01:01:04,626 1213 01:01:02,162 --> 01:01:05,461 1214 01:01:08,435 --> 01:01:10,835 That's great. 1215 01:01:13,371 --> 01:01:15,430 I love it. We'll take all of it. 1216 01:01:15,473 --> 01:01:17,634 - Nuts, Nuts, come here. - Tara, Tara, Tara. 1217 01:01:17,675 --> 01:01:20,576 Rich, he's over the edge. We have to help him. 1218 01:01:20,611 --> 01:01:22,203 Let it slide. He's selling like crazy. 1219 01:01:22,246 --> 01:01:25,306 - You don't care? - I totally care. 1220 01:01:27,284 --> 01:01:29,309 Rich, look at him. He's totally out of control. 1221 01:01:29,353 --> 01:01:31,548 That doesn't bother you? 1222 01:01:31,589 --> 01:01:34,490 - Keep up the good work, okay? - Rich, come on. Something's wrong. 1223 01:01:34,525 --> 01:01:36,254 If you need anything ask for Zongo. 1224 01:01:37,895 --> 01:01:39,658 In second place is Connor. 1225 01:01:39,697 --> 01:01:43,030 And in first place, Nuts/Zongo. 1226 01:01:43,067 --> 01:01:45,092 - Nuts is in first? Jesus Christ. - What? 1227 01:01:45,136 --> 01:01:47,331 Rich, he's bazonkers. Get him off the floor. 1228 01:01:47,371 --> 01:01:49,771 - Yeah. - Look, aren't we all a little bazonkers? 1229 01:01:49,807 --> 01:01:52,332 Rich, why are you doing this? Is it because of the Champ? 1230 01:01:52,376 --> 01:01:54,241 That's ridiculous. We have a job to do. 1231 01:01:54,278 --> 01:01:56,143 Nuts and Zongo should at least count as two different people. 1232 01:01:56,180 --> 01:01:57,272 - I agree. - Yes. 1233 01:01:57,314 --> 01:01:59,839 Look, if it's any consolation, you're all really close together. 1234 01:01:59,884 --> 01:02:01,784 - Oh. - Except for you, Donnie. 1235 01:02:01,819 --> 01:02:03,810 Oh. 1236 01:02:03,854 --> 01:02:06,254 Oh my God. Excuse me. I've got to go. 1237 01:02:09,326 --> 01:02:12,489 - Got to be an asshole about this. - I ain't losing to some lunatic. 1238 01:02:14,365 --> 01:02:16,765 If you don't like mauve we can totally do some kind of texture 1239 01:02:16,801 --> 01:02:18,325 mosaic finger-painting. 1240 01:02:18,369 --> 01:02:20,166 Excuse me. 1241 01:02:20,204 --> 01:02:22,570 I just wanted to let you know that the chef 1242 01:02:22,606 --> 01:02:24,597 is pushing out 1243 01:02:24,642 --> 01:02:27,304 your dessert from the oven. 1244 01:02:27,344 --> 01:02:29,539 It'll just be a few minutes. 1245 01:02:29,580 --> 01:02:33,676 Well, that is fantastic, Detective Shep Winford. 1246 01:02:33,717 --> 01:02:36,379 Now why don't you track me down another drink? 1247 01:02:36,420 --> 01:02:38,786 And tell them to put some booze in it this time, yeah? 1248 01:02:38,823 --> 01:02:40,791 Coming right up. 1249 01:02:40,825 --> 01:02:42,656 - Are you sure you want another one? - Yes. 1250 01:02:42,693 --> 01:02:44,627 Maybe a virgin rum and Coke. 1251 01:02:44,662 --> 01:02:47,722 - That would just be Coke. - Oh, that sounds delicious. 1252 01:02:47,765 --> 01:02:49,699 Whoo! What's up, noodle dicks? 1253 01:02:49,733 --> 01:02:52,702 That table over there just ordered two rounds of premium tequila. 1254 01:02:52,736 --> 01:02:54,226 Now are y'all just gonna sit here 1255 01:02:54,271 --> 01:02:56,364 while they make you look like a bunch of fucking pussies? 1256 01:02:56,407 --> 01:02:58,807 Hell no, dude. We'll take three rounds. 1257 01:02:58,843 --> 01:03:00,242 Shit yeah! What are y'all, Phi Taus? 1258 01:03:00,277 --> 01:03:02,871 - Phi Taus! - Come on now, give it to me. 1259 01:03:02,913 --> 01:03:04,676 - Give it to me good. - Let's take him down. 1260 01:03:04,715 --> 01:03:08,242 - I know where he keeps his meds. - Yeah. 1261 01:03:08,285 --> 01:03:10,583 I want some booze in my belly. 1262 01:03:10,621 --> 01:03:12,350 Yeah, baby! 1263 01:03:12,389 --> 01:03:15,187 Fidel, this is for a pissed-off movie star, so give it some balls. 1264 01:03:16,494 --> 01:03:18,189 Mm-hmm, yeah. Do it. 1265 01:03:18,229 --> 01:03:21,164 Go and go. That's what I'm talking about. 1266 01:03:21,198 --> 01:03:22,961 Hola, diablo blancos. 1267 01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:25,434 Zongo like vodka. 1268 01:03:25,469 --> 01:03:27,903 Hey hey, you doing okay, Zongo? 1269 01:03:27,938 --> 01:03:30,736 - Mmm. - Hello, Zongo. 1270 01:03:30,774 --> 01:03:32,537 You've got to take it, Zongo. 1271 01:03:32,576 --> 01:03:35,170 Nobody puts Zongo in a cage. 1272 01:03:35,212 --> 01:03:38,841 No one's trying to put Zongo in a cage, Zongo. 1273 01:03:38,883 --> 01:03:41,784 Okay. I'll take it. 1274 01:03:41,819 --> 01:03:44,447 - It's so big! - Get him! 1275 01:03:50,227 --> 01:03:52,593 Zongo, calm down. 1276 01:04:05,709 --> 01:04:07,142 What the fuck? 1277 01:04:07,178 --> 01:04:09,476 Hey, Mr. Lobo. 1278 01:04:09,513 --> 01:04:12,073 - Men's room? - Just down the hall. 1279 01:04:12,116 --> 01:04:14,812 Miami. 1280 01:04:14,852 --> 01:04:16,945 Open. There. 1281 01:04:16,987 --> 01:04:19,820 Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. 1282 01:04:19,857 --> 01:04:22,485 Easy. Easy, Zongo. Easy. Shh. 1283 01:04:22,526 --> 01:04:24,721 Easy. That's good. 1284 01:04:24,762 --> 01:04:27,492 - That's good. - Get him up. 1285 01:04:31,268 --> 01:04:33,498 Hey, you look better. 1286 01:04:33,537 --> 01:04:35,129 Yeah, I'm better now. 1287 01:04:35,172 --> 01:04:37,936 I am gonna win this thing, face or no face. 1288 01:04:37,975 --> 01:04:41,240 Got a birthday table and I've got 'em in the palm of my hand. 1289 01:04:41,278 --> 01:04:44,247 - So you want to sing with me? - Yes, I do. 1290 01:04:44,281 --> 01:04:46,909 Get your poop in a group. 1291 01:04:49,720 --> 01:04:52,780 - Any second now. - Believe it when I see it. 1292 01:04:58,929 --> 01:05:01,227 Sorry. 1293 01:05:03,634 --> 01:05:06,125 - Ahem. - Oh shit. 1294 01:05:06,170 --> 01:05:07,831 Connor, hey. 1295 01:05:07,871 --> 01:05:10,066 Mr. Lobo, I just need a minute of your time 1296 01:05:10,107 --> 01:05:11,631 to talk about why you fired me. 1297 01:05:11,675 --> 01:05:15,202 Connor, please. I don't know what you're taking about. 1298 01:05:15,246 --> 01:05:17,544 It's okay, I understand. 1299 01:05:17,581 --> 01:05:19,481 I mean, you cast me to play a big-nosed cop 1300 01:05:19,516 --> 01:05:21,814 and I got a nose job. It was stupid. 1301 01:05:21,852 --> 01:05:23,752 I didn't even know you had a nose job. 1302 01:05:23,787 --> 01:05:25,812 Looks pretty good though. Turn your head that way. 1303 01:05:25,856 --> 01:05:27,824 Yeah. Who's your doctor? 1304 01:05:27,858 --> 01:05:30,224 I've got a 12-year old daughter with a fucking beak. 1305 01:05:30,261 --> 01:05:33,059 She's got bean bag tits and a big caboose too. 1306 01:05:33,097 --> 01:05:35,429 That poor girl's gonna have a hard road ahead. 1307 01:05:35,466 --> 01:05:37,400 Mr. Lobo, I know I made a mistake. 1308 01:05:37,434 --> 01:05:40,494 Look, kid, I didn't fire you for having a small nose. 1309 01:05:40,537 --> 01:05:43,529 Mr. Lobo, I am not gonna turn you in to the nose police. 1310 01:05:43,574 --> 01:05:45,508 You kill me, man. 1311 01:05:45,542 --> 01:05:48,443 It was hard growing up with that nose. 1312 01:05:48,479 --> 01:05:51,448 You are a real fucking moron, you know that? 1313 01:05:51,482 --> 01:05:54,178 - What? - You read the script, didn't you, shithead? 1314 01:05:54,218 --> 01:05:57,654 It's all nose jokes. "I've been nosing around. I smell a rat." 1315 01:05:57,688 --> 01:06:00,020 And then you show up with that little cat nose. 1316 01:06:00,057 --> 01:06:01,820 Doesn't make any sense. 1317 01:06:01,859 --> 01:06:04,384 Do you realize how hard it is to rewrite an entire season? 1318 01:06:04,428 --> 01:06:07,158 - No, sir. - You were a kid with a big nose. 1319 01:06:07,197 --> 01:06:09,427 You got on TV but you fucked it up. 1320 01:06:09,466 --> 01:06:12,367 You. Who? You fucked it up. 1321 01:06:14,338 --> 01:06:16,806 Look, Mr. Lobo, I found out about this place 1322 01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:19,104 that does nose enlargements. 1323 01:06:19,143 --> 01:06:22,601 And if all goes well I could actually have the money to do it by tomorrow. 1324 01:06:22,646 --> 01:06:24,079 Oh. 1325 01:06:24,114 --> 01:06:28,141 The new honker is gonna be a goddamn fire hose. 1326 01:06:28,185 --> 01:06:29,812 What are we supposed to do? 1327 01:06:29,853 --> 01:06:34,256 Bring back Detective Shep Winford from the dead with a big nose? 1328 01:06:34,291 --> 01:06:36,156 This isn't fucking "X Files." 1329 01:06:40,064 --> 01:06:41,554 Goodbye. 1330 01:06:43,500 --> 01:06:47,197 So you didn't donkey punch Morgan Fairchild. 1331 01:06:47,237 --> 01:06:49,467 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1332 01:06:59,950 --> 01:07:04,011 Hey, wasn't I in last place an hour ago? 1333 01:07:04,054 --> 01:07:05,521 Yes, you were. 1334 01:07:05,556 --> 01:07:08,457 - Was Zongo here? - Oh, Zongo was here all right. 1335 01:07:08,492 --> 01:07:10,983 Sold 18 entrees to a party of six. 1336 01:07:11,028 --> 01:07:13,496 I don't remember any of that. 1337 01:07:13,530 --> 01:07:14,895 Not even the Champ offering 10 grand? 1338 01:07:14,932 --> 01:07:17,924 - 10 grand for what? - Top seller. 1339 01:07:23,307 --> 01:07:26,367 Fucking dodo bird. 1340 01:07:45,529 --> 01:07:47,656 Nuts? 1341 01:07:47,698 --> 01:07:49,757 Are you okay? 1342 01:07:49,800 --> 01:07:53,201 I am Zongo. 1343 01:07:53,237 --> 01:07:55,000 Ugh. 1344 01:07:55,038 --> 01:07:57,006 I am still going to win this contest 1345 01:07:57,040 --> 01:07:59,531 because I can hold it together under pressure. 1346 01:07:59,576 --> 01:08:02,204 Welcome to the Slammin' Salmon. 1347 01:08:02,246 --> 01:08:04,146 Be graceful and amazing 1348 01:08:04,181 --> 01:08:06,149 'cause that's what I am. 1349 01:08:08,919 --> 01:08:11,149 Donnie? 1350 01:08:11,188 --> 01:08:14,021 Who the fuck is Donnie? 1351 01:08:14,057 --> 01:08:16,719 I'm Donnie, Mr. Salmon. 1352 01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:19,251 Good try, Dave. 1353 01:08:20,497 --> 01:08:22,863 No, I'm Dave's twin brother. 1354 01:08:23,934 --> 01:08:25,424 And you know what? Another thing, 1355 01:08:25,469 --> 01:08:27,835 I don't care how severe her peanut allergy is. 1356 01:08:27,871 --> 01:08:29,429 Wow! 1357 01:08:29,473 --> 01:08:32,067 Did anybody ever tell you you guys look exactly alike? 1358 01:08:32,109 --> 01:08:33,667 Every day. 1359 01:08:33,710 --> 01:08:36,110 Is that why you wear the blue lipstick? 1360 01:08:36,146 --> 01:08:38,376 Either way, I hope you like hospital food. 1361 01:08:38,415 --> 01:08:41,782 No, I was recently a busboy. 1362 01:08:41,819 --> 01:08:44,447 - I wasn't a part of this thing. - Yeah, you know what? 1363 01:08:44,488 --> 01:08:47,924 Excuses are like assholes. Everybody's got one, 1364 01:08:47,958 --> 01:08:50,188 but don't nobody want to admit it. 1365 01:08:50,227 --> 01:08:53,663 Now get your ass out of last place 1366 01:08:53,697 --> 01:08:56,757 or I'm gonna use your spine for a jump rope. 1367 01:09:00,604 --> 01:09:02,094 What the fuck? 1368 01:09:03,540 --> 01:09:06,373 I'd still hit that. 1369 01:09:12,149 --> 01:09:14,014 - I got it. - Nice. 1370 01:09:15,452 --> 01:09:18,387 Dude, where's the South African Bing diamond? 1371 01:09:21,058 --> 01:09:22,821 Shit! 1372 01:09:26,096 --> 01:09:28,963 Ladies, hello and welcome to the Slammin' Salmon tonight. 1373 01:09:28,999 --> 01:09:32,560 Let me tell you about some of the more delicious things on our menu. 1374 01:09:32,603 --> 01:09:35,629 Uh, we have a boneless fillet of... 1375 01:09:38,141 --> 01:09:41,042 champion... 1376 01:09:41,078 --> 01:09:44,309 also a very nice black eye... 1377 01:09:46,550 --> 01:09:50,042 sock-eyed salmon. It's very nice. 1378 01:09:52,155 --> 01:09:54,350 It's saut�ed... 1379 01:09:54,391 --> 01:09:56,291 heartbeat... 1380 01:09:58,462 --> 01:10:00,487 He's watching me. 1381 01:10:17,347 --> 01:10:20,748 Little story for you, Dave II, before you get back to work. 1382 01:10:20,784 --> 01:10:24,276 When I was training for the Dispute in Beirut, 1383 01:10:24,321 --> 01:10:27,950 I used to run 10 miles a day with a baby camel strapped to my back. 1384 01:10:30,294 --> 01:10:32,922 So you can understand how bemusing I find it 1385 01:10:32,963 --> 01:10:34,658 that you're trying to run away from me. 1386 01:10:34,698 --> 01:10:36,859 I was... 1387 01:10:36,900 --> 01:10:39,562 Don't run. Just take it. 1388 01:10:44,174 --> 01:10:46,005 Okay, here we go. Here we go. 1389 01:10:46,043 --> 01:10:48,136 Here's to "CFI Hotlanta" 1390 01:10:48,178 --> 01:10:51,306 and its record 15 Emmy Award nominations. 1391 01:10:51,348 --> 01:10:53,043 - Yay. - Hear hear. 1392 01:10:54,051 --> 01:10:55,279 Oh. 1393 01:10:55,319 --> 01:10:57,310 Connor. 1394 01:10:57,354 --> 01:10:59,151 Come here. Come here a second. 1395 01:10:59,189 --> 01:11:02,124 Come here. Come here. 1396 01:11:03,894 --> 01:11:06,795 Hey, buddy, we couldn't have done it without you, man. 1397 01:11:06,830 --> 01:11:09,025 - Hear hear. - Hear hear. 1398 01:11:09,066 --> 01:11:10,863 Thanks a million. 1399 01:11:10,901 --> 01:11:13,495 Oh, Connor, have you met our newest cast member? 1400 01:11:13,537 --> 01:11:15,027 This is Steve Lemmaduche. 1401 01:11:16,673 --> 01:11:18,368 Hey, buddy. What's crackin'? 1402 01:11:18,408 --> 01:11:20,501 Call me Duche. 1403 01:11:22,079 --> 01:11:24,547 Hey, what are those guys eating over there? 1404 01:11:24,581 --> 01:11:27,709 Over there? That's the salmon. 1405 01:11:29,519 --> 01:11:31,851 Oh yeah. That smells beautiful. 1406 01:11:31,888 --> 01:11:33,549 Hustle me out one of those. 1407 01:11:33,590 --> 01:11:36,184 And a chocotini, dry. 1408 01:11:36,226 --> 01:11:37,591 Thanks, pal. 1409 01:11:37,628 --> 01:11:39,061 The Duche. 1410 01:11:39,096 --> 01:11:41,064 Connor. 1411 01:11:41,098 --> 01:11:44,727 Look, I just know you're gonna find another show really soon. 1412 01:11:44,768 --> 01:11:46,895 Thank you, Morgan. 1413 01:11:46,937 --> 01:11:50,998 And that being said, I also know that I ordered my ahi tuna seared, 1414 01:11:51,041 --> 01:11:53,532 and, baby, this is not seared. 1415 01:11:53,577 --> 01:11:56,671 I'll get that right back to you. 1416 01:11:56,713 --> 01:11:58,738 Thank you. 1417 01:12:06,957 --> 01:12:10,415 Donnie? What are you doing? 1418 01:12:12,763 --> 01:12:14,094 Are you crying? 1419 01:12:14,131 --> 01:12:16,099 No. 1420 01:12:17,100 --> 01:12:20,331 What is that? It's not coming off. 1421 01:12:20,370 --> 01:12:22,304 The Champ is gonna kill me. 1422 01:12:22,339 --> 01:12:24,398 There's no way I can get out of last place. 1423 01:12:24,441 --> 01:12:26,204 Donnie, he's not gonna kill you. 1424 01:12:26,243 --> 01:12:29,269 Didn't you hear? Last place is a broken rib sandwich. 1425 01:12:29,312 --> 01:12:32,645 You see? Breaking your ribs won't kill you. 1426 01:12:34,718 --> 01:12:37,653 Okay, Look, Donnie, why don't you take one of my tables? 1427 01:12:37,688 --> 01:12:39,713 The McNaultys. They're great tippers 1428 01:12:39,756 --> 01:12:42,281 and they've got a huge check. My gift to you. 1429 01:12:42,325 --> 01:12:44,259 Shut up. You need that money for school. 1430 01:12:44,294 --> 01:12:46,854 Nutella's check is over $1000. 1431 01:12:46,897 --> 01:12:49,229 Once I close her out, I'm gonna shoot past everyone. 1432 01:12:49,266 --> 01:12:51,291 Take the table. 1433 01:12:51,334 --> 01:12:53,825 - Really? - Yeah. 1434 01:12:53,870 --> 01:12:57,271 - How would I pay you back? - I don't know. 1435 01:12:57,307 --> 01:13:00,606 Take me out for a broken rib sandwich sometime. 1436 01:13:00,644 --> 01:13:03,135 Help me up. 1437 01:13:03,180 --> 01:13:04,772 Come on, you lush. 1438 01:13:09,786 --> 01:13:12,084 Welcome to the Slammin' Salmon. 1439 01:13:12,122 --> 01:13:13,646 My name is Zongo. 1440 01:13:13,690 --> 01:13:16,318 How is everyone feline this evening? 1441 01:13:17,761 --> 01:13:21,253 The '62 salmon is "purrfect." 1442 01:13:21,298 --> 01:13:24,563 Would anybody like to try? 1443 01:13:24,601 --> 01:13:27,627 Oh, yes. Everybody take a sip. 1444 01:13:27,671 --> 01:13:29,662 Mmm, delicious. 1445 01:13:29,706 --> 01:13:32,834 How about you, ma'am? How does that taste? 1446 01:13:32,876 --> 01:13:35,436 How does that taste? How does that taste? 1447 01:13:35,479 --> 01:13:37,106 How does that taste? 1448 01:13:37,147 --> 01:13:39,615 How does that taste? How does that taste? 1449 01:13:39,649 --> 01:13:42,049 How does that taste? How does it taste? 1450 01:13:42,085 --> 01:13:44,212 How does it taste? How does that taste? 1451 01:13:44,254 --> 01:13:46,484 How does it taste? 1452 01:13:50,961 --> 01:13:52,622 Ow! 1453 01:13:54,965 --> 01:13:58,457 Definitely the hardest substance known to man. 1454 01:13:58,502 --> 01:14:00,697 Mmm! Mmm! 1455 01:14:00,737 --> 01:14:03,535 Mmm, so good. 1456 01:14:03,573 --> 01:14:05,564 Mmm. 1457 01:14:05,609 --> 01:14:08,874 Mmm. Mmm. 1458 01:14:15,452 --> 01:14:16,919 Oh my God. 1459 01:14:16,953 --> 01:14:19,854 - Oh, I love it. - I'm glad you like it. 1460 01:14:19,890 --> 01:14:21,619 Yes. 1461 01:14:21,658 --> 01:14:23,751 Yes, I'll marry you. 1462 01:14:29,466 --> 01:14:33,027 - I love you so much. - I love you too, baby. 1463 01:14:33,069 --> 01:14:35,060 - Tara, Tara, Tara. - What? 1464 01:14:35,105 --> 01:14:36,504 Can you go check on Nuts, please? 1465 01:14:36,540 --> 01:14:38,030 Why do I have to do it? Rich, I'm slammed. 1466 01:14:38,074 --> 01:14:39,541 'Cause you're a doctor, come on. 1467 01:14:39,576 --> 01:14:41,840 I'm not even close to being a doctor. I'm a second-year med student. 1468 01:14:41,878 --> 01:14:43,505 I'm making half of this shit up. 1469 01:14:43,547 --> 01:14:45,538 Come on, isn't it part of your Hippocrastic Oath? 1470 01:14:45,582 --> 01:14:48,415 Hippo what? Look, don't put this on me, okay? 1471 01:14:48,451 --> 01:14:50,578 He got punched out by that gigantic mongoloid 1472 01:14:50,620 --> 01:14:52,520 because you denied him his medication. 1473 01:14:52,556 --> 01:14:55,855 You sold him out just like you sold out Mia and that poor kid Donnie. 1474 01:14:55,892 --> 01:14:58,258 And all because you're afraid of Cleon. 1475 01:14:58,295 --> 01:15:00,456 God, you're a real spineless pussy, Rich. 1476 01:15:02,732 --> 01:15:05,929 Hey, three of them. 1477 01:15:05,969 --> 01:15:07,459 Oh, Jesus. 1478 01:15:07,504 --> 01:15:09,404 Look at these babies. 1479 01:15:09,439 --> 01:15:12,636 - Honey, hi. - Hey. 1480 01:15:12,676 --> 01:15:14,007 What are you doing here? 1481 01:15:14,044 --> 01:15:16,979 Well, the kids couldn't sleep so I thought we'd pop in and say hi. 1482 01:15:17,013 --> 01:15:19,880 Mrs. Rich Parente in the house. 1483 01:15:19,916 --> 01:15:21,315 - Hey, Champ. - Hey. 1484 01:15:21,351 --> 01:15:24,377 Oh, Cleon. 1485 01:15:24,421 --> 01:15:27,413 I don't mean to be mean, but, baby, you need some Listerine. 1486 01:15:29,359 --> 01:15:32,157 That's my little sister. Always tells it like it is. 1487 01:15:32,195 --> 01:15:34,823 Oh, look at the little babies. 1488 01:15:34,865 --> 01:15:37,129 Hey, it's Uncle Cleon. 1489 01:15:37,167 --> 01:15:39,431 Damn, they all look the same. 1490 01:15:39,469 --> 01:15:42,131 What'd you do, fuck a Xerox machine? 1491 01:15:42,172 --> 01:15:44,800 Watch your goddamn mouth in front of my kids. 1492 01:15:44,841 --> 01:15:47,105 - It's Uncle Cleon. Watch it. - No no, not too close. 1493 01:15:47,143 --> 01:15:49,737 - Okay, easy now. Okay. - Keep your guard up. 1494 01:15:49,779 --> 01:15:52,771 How the hell did you wind up with the Champ's sister? 1495 01:15:52,816 --> 01:15:55,114 Well, believe it or not, 1496 01:15:55,151 --> 01:15:57,517 the Champ introduced us and we fell in love 1497 01:15:57,554 --> 01:16:00,990 and had these babies. And here we are. 1498 01:16:01,024 --> 01:16:04,482 When I first was made aware of Richardo here, 1499 01:16:04,527 --> 01:16:07,087 he cracked his head open running out of my office. 1500 01:16:07,130 --> 01:16:09,496 And I thought right away, this guy 1501 01:16:09,532 --> 01:16:12,126 is such a pussy. 1502 01:16:12,168 --> 01:16:14,261 I knew he was such a pussy 1503 01:16:14,304 --> 01:16:17,068 that he would never ever cheat on my sister. 1504 01:16:17,107 --> 01:16:19,041 No, I'm serious. 1505 01:16:19,075 --> 01:16:21,270 You want to know what my nickname for him was? 1506 01:16:21,311 --> 01:16:23,802 Cunty McTwat. 1507 01:16:23,847 --> 01:16:25,508 'Cause he was such a pussy. 1508 01:16:28,251 --> 01:16:31,311 Why isn't anybody laughing? 1509 01:16:31,354 --> 01:16:33,788 - That's amazing. - Hey, babies, yes. 1510 01:16:33,823 --> 01:16:35,654 The middle one has your head. 1511 01:16:35,692 --> 01:16:37,091 Don't touch... no no no. Okay. 1512 01:16:39,329 --> 01:16:41,092 Okay, we've got some movement, you guys. 1513 01:16:41,131 --> 01:16:43,497 Oh! 1514 01:16:43,533 --> 01:16:45,433 This is bullshit! 1515 01:16:45,468 --> 01:16:48,869 You gave Donnie all of Nuts's huge tables. 1516 01:16:48,905 --> 01:16:50,338 Guy, it's anyone's game still, all right? 1517 01:16:50,373 --> 01:16:52,705 There's only 250 bucks separating first and last. 1518 01:16:52,742 --> 01:16:54,710 - It's anyone's game. - That's awesome. 1519 01:16:54,744 --> 01:16:56,507 You better not be lying, 'cause I will cut you. 1520 01:16:56,546 --> 01:16:59,037 All right, one hour left. Go get 'em, guys, all right? 1521 01:16:59,082 --> 01:17:01,516 - Okay okay. - Mia Mia Mia. 1522 01:17:01,551 --> 01:17:03,314 I just sat the last table. You got 'em. 1523 01:17:03,353 --> 01:17:06,811 It's the Miami Dolphin's offensive line and they're starving. 1524 01:17:06,856 --> 01:17:10,087 Good luck. Sorry, but, you know... 1525 01:17:10,126 --> 01:17:11,753 This is so not over. 1526 01:17:11,795 --> 01:17:15,356 - You're gonna burn, baby. - I'm not losing this thing. 1527 01:17:15,398 --> 01:17:16,865 I'm not losing this thing. 1528 01:17:17,968 --> 01:17:19,663 All right, if you ladies are like me, 1529 01:17:19,703 --> 01:17:21,466 you can eat a shitload of lobster. 1530 01:17:21,504 --> 01:17:24,530 I am not leaving until you people are heaving. 1531 01:17:24,574 --> 01:17:27,566 So that's four orders of the Alaskan king crab legs. 1532 01:17:29,112 --> 01:17:31,774 Eat it, fuck nut. 1533 01:17:36,286 --> 01:17:37,947 Hey, how are you? 1534 01:17:37,988 --> 01:17:40,252 I couldn't help but overhear you ordered the king crab. 1535 01:17:40,290 --> 01:17:43,384 Well, we came in here dead set on the San Francisco cioppino, 1536 01:17:43,426 --> 01:17:47,385 but that young lad made those king crab legs sound irresistible. 1537 01:17:47,430 --> 01:17:49,660 It's just that you look like good people. 1538 01:17:49,699 --> 01:17:52,668 And the chef asked us not to sell the king crab 1539 01:17:52,702 --> 01:17:56,138 because it's a week old. 1540 01:17:56,172 --> 01:17:59,767 Why would that waiter recommend something that's turned? 1541 01:17:59,809 --> 01:18:02,107 It's one of the most expensive items on the menu. 1542 01:18:02,145 --> 01:18:05,603 You can figure it out. But please, you didn't hear it from me. 1543 01:18:05,648 --> 01:18:08,412 My name is Guy. 1544 01:18:08,451 --> 01:18:11,579 I like him more. That's the man I trust. 1545 01:18:14,324 --> 01:18:18,192 Hi, guys. Welcome to the Slammin' Salmon. 1546 01:18:18,228 --> 01:18:20,526 My name is Mia and I'll be your waitress. 1547 01:18:20,563 --> 01:18:23,054 I apologize for my appearance, 1548 01:18:23,099 --> 01:18:25,533 but I was in an explosion. 1549 01:18:25,568 --> 01:18:27,331 Is this like Make a Wish Foundation? 1550 01:18:27,370 --> 01:18:29,361 Yes, definitely. 1551 01:18:29,406 --> 01:18:31,101 That's great. 1552 01:18:31,141 --> 01:18:34,633 What a brave lady. I mean, showing your face in public like this. 1553 01:18:34,677 --> 01:18:36,440 - Thank you. - Tell you what, Mia, 1554 01:18:36,479 --> 01:18:39,676 we're starving, so would you start us off with some appetizers? 1555 01:18:39,716 --> 01:18:41,946 Of course. 1556 01:18:41,985 --> 01:18:44,510 We'll take two t-bone steaks. Two each. 1557 01:18:44,554 --> 01:18:47,284 - Two each. - Okay. 1558 01:18:47,323 --> 01:18:49,223 Put some calamari on there. 1559 01:18:49,259 --> 01:18:51,693 Good luck on your nose job. 1560 01:18:51,728 --> 01:18:53,286 Thank you, Mr. Lobo. 1561 01:18:53,329 --> 01:18:54,853 Give me a call when the bandages come off. 1562 01:18:54,898 --> 01:18:57,867 - Okay. - We're doing "CFI Greektown." 1563 01:18:57,901 --> 01:19:01,496 You might be right for Detective Stavros Popadropolis. 1564 01:19:01,538 --> 01:19:04,006 - Okay. - Feel like I'm gonna give birth. 1565 01:19:04,040 --> 01:19:05,473 Thank you, Mr. Lobo. 1566 01:19:05,508 --> 01:19:08,671 Thank you, Connor. It's so good to see you again. 1567 01:19:08,711 --> 01:19:10,440 Great to see you too, Morgan. You look terrific. 1568 01:19:10,480 --> 01:19:13,677 - Oh, thank you. - Hey, man, you're a hell of a waiter. 1569 01:19:13,716 --> 01:19:16,742 Don't quit your day job. Boop. 1570 01:19:16,786 --> 01:19:19,346 Get lost. 1571 01:19:19,389 --> 01:19:22,825 Oh, enjoy not winning 10 grand, sucker. 1572 01:19:22,859 --> 01:19:25,191 Oh, honey, that's so cute. 1573 01:19:25,228 --> 01:19:29,164 But I still have Nutella and, whew, it is a huge check. 1574 01:19:29,199 --> 01:19:31,463 Don't worry though. When I'm done with school 1575 01:19:31,501 --> 01:19:34,026 I'll fix your nose for free. Any shape you want, okay? 1576 01:19:34,070 --> 01:19:36,504 Button nose, cute little clown nose. 1577 01:19:36,539 --> 01:19:39,303 Ooh, a brown nose. That works well for you. 1578 01:19:44,848 --> 01:19:49,217 And I came in here dead set on the San Francisco cioppino. 1579 01:19:49,252 --> 01:19:51,243 I'm very sorry, sir. We will change your order right away. 1580 01:19:51,287 --> 01:19:53,016 - And Guy will be your waiter. - What? 1581 01:19:53,056 --> 01:19:55,684 Donnie, the table is Guy's now. 1582 01:19:55,725 --> 01:19:57,920 No no no. No, it was... 1583 01:19:57,961 --> 01:20:00,794 - See? I can step up to the plate. - Finally. 1584 01:20:03,766 --> 01:20:06,758 Some pitchers of beer, that bucket of jumbo shrimp, 1585 01:20:06,803 --> 01:20:08,498 that spinach artichoke dip, 1586 01:20:08,538 --> 01:20:11,029 and of course that 8-Ib lobster you were talking about. 1587 01:20:11,074 --> 01:20:13,201 - Yes. - And that should do it. 1588 01:20:13,243 --> 01:20:15,234 Okay. 1589 01:20:15,278 --> 01:20:17,212 Oh, baby girl, what's wrong? 1590 01:20:17,247 --> 01:20:19,977 It's just you guys are so nice. 1591 01:20:20,016 --> 01:20:22,780 And this is my biggest check ever. 1592 01:20:22,819 --> 01:20:25,583 I just really needed this. 1593 01:20:25,622 --> 01:20:27,817 And you're the nicest waitress we've ever had. 1594 01:20:27,857 --> 01:20:31,293 You know, Mia, I know you were pretty once. 1595 01:20:31,327 --> 01:20:33,295 Thank you. 1596 01:20:43,740 --> 01:20:45,970 That's disgusting. 1597 01:20:48,077 --> 01:20:50,011 I'm gonna be sick. 1598 01:20:58,154 --> 01:21:02,147 I just wanna win. 1599 01:21:05,795 --> 01:21:08,059 And, um, word to your mother. 1600 01:21:08,097 --> 01:21:09,621 All right, girl. 1601 01:21:17,373 --> 01:21:20,240 Nutella, I'm sorry. This isn't the check that I gave you. 1602 01:21:20,276 --> 01:21:23,211 Yeah it is. Champ comped us. 1603 01:21:23,246 --> 01:21:26,409 I throw a little knee right there. 1604 01:21:26,449 --> 01:21:29,316 It bends him down. Bam! 1605 01:21:30,954 --> 01:21:33,980 Well, were you dissatisfied with the service? 1606 01:21:34,023 --> 01:21:36,685 - You didn't leave a tip. - Do the math. 1607 01:21:36,726 --> 01:21:39,490 20% of nothing is nothing. 1608 01:21:39,529 --> 01:21:41,895 Come on, y'all. We outie. 1609 01:21:52,141 --> 01:21:54,006 Shit. 1610 01:22:23,806 --> 01:22:25,501 Here you go. I didn't want to interrupt. 1611 01:22:25,541 --> 01:22:26,838 Thank you. 1612 01:22:26,876 --> 01:22:28,901 Have you read this? 1613 01:22:28,945 --> 01:22:30,674 Uh, no. I can't say that I have. 1614 01:22:30,713 --> 01:22:33,580 I did not know anything, 1615 01:22:33,616 --> 01:22:35,811 anything at all till now. 1616 01:22:38,955 --> 01:22:41,515 You remind me of a young Andrew Bolkonski. 1617 01:22:41,557 --> 01:22:44,219 Oh, thank you. 1618 01:22:44,260 --> 01:22:45,659 No, thank you. 1619 01:22:45,695 --> 01:22:47,322 Thank you. 1620 01:22:57,907 --> 01:23:00,137 Uh... 1621 01:23:00,176 --> 01:23:02,110 I'm sorry, sir. I think you made a mistake. 1622 01:23:02,145 --> 01:23:04,079 I can't take that much money. 1623 01:23:04,113 --> 01:23:07,048 I didn't make a mistake. What's your name? 1624 01:23:07,083 --> 01:23:09,313 Donald Kanogi. 1625 01:23:09,352 --> 01:23:11,786 I'm dying, Donald Kanogi. 1626 01:23:13,189 --> 01:23:16,454 My doctor told me I have a month to live. 1627 01:23:16,492 --> 01:23:20,223 Have you ever heard of schistophosiasis? 1628 01:23:20,263 --> 01:23:21,958 No, I haven't. 1629 01:23:21,998 --> 01:23:23,590 Well, I've got it. 1630 01:23:23,633 --> 01:23:25,931 - I've got it hard. - Oh my God. 1631 01:23:25,968 --> 01:23:29,165 All I wanted to do tonight was to sit quietly, 1632 01:23:29,205 --> 01:23:31,264 have a nice meal, 1633 01:23:31,307 --> 01:23:33,741 read a little Russian pre-existentialism. 1634 01:23:33,776 --> 01:23:37,109 It was pretty crowded, but unlike the other waiter, 1635 01:23:37,146 --> 01:23:40,115 you were content to let me sit here nonetheless. 1636 01:23:40,149 --> 01:23:42,379 And I thank you for that. 1637 01:23:43,619 --> 01:23:45,450 But, sir... 1638 01:23:45,488 --> 01:23:47,752 No, young man, 1639 01:23:47,790 --> 01:23:50,054 you can't take it with you. 1640 01:23:50,093 --> 01:23:52,789 Now if you'll excuse me, 1641 01:23:52,829 --> 01:23:56,526 I've got a lot of living to do before I die. 1642 01:23:58,134 --> 01:23:59,658 Do svidaniya. 1643 01:24:27,029 --> 01:24:28,360 Oh! 1644 01:24:31,768 --> 01:24:33,929 That poor man. 1645 01:24:33,970 --> 01:24:36,438 You know, it really puts things into perspective. 1646 01:24:36,472 --> 01:24:39,532 Fuck him and the horse that rode over him. 1647 01:24:39,575 --> 01:24:43,067 That's Guy. Big heart, big hair. 1648 01:24:43,112 --> 01:24:46,081 That's me. Throw big dick in there, you got a box trifecta. 1649 01:24:46,115 --> 01:24:49,141 You know what? It's way too late for that kind of chatter. 1650 01:24:49,185 --> 01:24:51,153 - Heyo, I've got the totals. - All right. 1651 01:24:51,187 --> 01:24:53,883 - Who wants to see some results? - Oh, I do, I do. 1652 01:24:53,923 --> 01:24:57,188 - Oh, yeah. - Gather round. This is pretty exciting. 1653 01:24:57,226 --> 01:24:59,922 - Gather around, everybody. - All right. 1654 01:24:59,962 --> 01:25:02,453 - I'm excited. - Good. 1655 01:25:02,498 --> 01:25:04,056 - Are you guys ready? - Yes. 1656 01:25:04,100 --> 01:25:06,898 Okay. First, before I start, let me just say 1657 01:25:06,936 --> 01:25:09,734 - I'm really proud of you guys. - Thank you. 1658 01:25:09,772 --> 01:25:11,933 Very proud. I think you did a great job tonight. 1659 01:25:11,974 --> 01:25:13,839 - Thank you. - Here we go. 1660 01:25:13,876 --> 01:25:16,538 In third place... 1661 01:25:18,114 --> 01:25:20,514 - is the waiter... - Oh, Jesus Christ. 1662 01:25:20,550 --> 01:25:23,075 ...who did a good job tonight... - Say it, you big dog. 1663 01:25:23,119 --> 01:25:26,919 - Come on. ... and his name is Nuts. 1664 01:25:26,956 --> 01:25:30,414 - Hey, Nuts. - In the pickle jar, all right. 1665 01:25:30,460 --> 01:25:31,722 - Great. - Okay. 1666 01:25:31,761 --> 01:25:33,058 - Bring it. - Here we go. 1667 01:25:33,095 --> 01:25:36,258 In second place, and runner up, 1668 01:25:36,299 --> 01:25:39,666 is... 1669 01:25:39,702 --> 01:25:41,727 - Come on. - Connor. 1670 01:25:41,771 --> 01:25:43,238 What? Who won? 1671 01:25:43,272 --> 01:25:45,968 Drum roll, please. Drum roll. 1672 01:25:46,008 --> 01:25:48,306 Great, thank you. 1673 01:25:48,344 --> 01:25:51,939 And the winner of the $10,000 prize 1674 01:25:51,981 --> 01:25:54,108 and the big contest 1675 01:25:54,150 --> 01:25:57,517 tonight is... 1676 01:25:57,553 --> 01:26:00,078 - Oh! - Tara. 1677 01:26:00,122 --> 01:26:02,750 - Oh my God! - Honk the goose. 1678 01:26:02,792 --> 01:26:04,817 - What? - Oh my God, I won? 1679 01:26:04,861 --> 01:26:06,419 How is that even possible? 1680 01:26:06,462 --> 01:26:10,421 Well, the guy who got hit by the horse gave her a $1,000 tip. 1681 01:26:10,466 --> 01:26:12,832 I had that table. That's my table. 1682 01:26:14,103 --> 01:26:16,071 Jesus, Donnie. 1683 01:26:16,105 --> 01:26:18,835 You gave me a table, I gave you a table. 1684 01:26:18,875 --> 01:26:22,572 That is the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me. 1685 01:26:22,612 --> 01:26:24,477 Well, when the Champ kills me, 1686 01:26:24,514 --> 01:26:26,414 just see to it I get a decent burial. 1687 01:26:26,449 --> 01:26:28,383 You're not gonna die. 1688 01:26:28,417 --> 01:26:30,146 I'll give you mouth to mouth. 1689 01:26:30,186 --> 01:26:33,383 Stick a sock in it before I puke. 1690 01:26:34,690 --> 01:26:37,124 Richardo. It's time. 1691 01:26:37,159 --> 01:26:40,925 All right, if you guys will excuse me for one second... 1692 01:26:40,963 --> 01:26:42,294 All right, baby, 1693 01:26:42,331 --> 01:26:45,164 what is the final take? 1694 01:26:45,201 --> 01:26:48,295 Am I sitting in the lap of luxury or what? 1695 01:26:48,337 --> 01:26:50,601 Well, we made... 1696 01:26:50,640 --> 01:26:53,370 $19,017. 1697 01:26:53,409 --> 01:26:55,138 Wow. 1698 01:26:55,177 --> 01:26:58,010 $19,017. 1699 01:26:58,047 --> 01:26:59,412 Pretty good. 1700 01:26:59,448 --> 01:27:02,246 But last time I checked, 1701 01:27:02,285 --> 01:27:05,948 19 is lower than 20, right? 1702 01:27:07,156 --> 01:27:09,818 That makes you a grand short, short shorts. 1703 01:27:11,594 --> 01:27:13,858 What's that? 1704 01:27:13,896 --> 01:27:15,955 - The waiter's tips. - Problem solved. 1705 01:27:15,998 --> 01:27:18,831 I'll just take a grand out of that then. 1706 01:27:18,868 --> 01:27:20,597 No no no, hold on. 1707 01:27:20,636 --> 01:27:22,831 Excuse me, Champ. About the 10 grand. 1708 01:27:22,872 --> 01:27:25,033 - Not now, Tara. - The what? 1709 01:27:25,074 --> 01:27:26,371 The $10,000. 1710 01:27:26,409 --> 01:27:28,570 Oh, there is no $10,000. 1711 01:27:28,611 --> 01:27:31,273 That was all predicated on an illusion. 1712 01:27:31,314 --> 01:27:33,441 I don't understand. 1713 01:27:33,482 --> 01:27:37,248 Okay, I'll break it down. If I needed to make 20 tonight, 1714 01:27:37,286 --> 01:27:40,949 why would I give away 10? That makes no sense. 1715 01:27:40,990 --> 01:27:42,890 Right, Rich? 1716 01:27:42,925 --> 01:27:44,950 Right. 1717 01:27:44,994 --> 01:27:46,359 Thank you. 1718 01:27:46,395 --> 01:27:48,329 Adieu. 1719 01:27:54,503 --> 01:27:57,267 Champ. 1720 01:27:59,275 --> 01:28:01,470 This money belongs to the waiters. 1721 01:28:01,510 --> 01:28:03,501 And you owe Tara $10,000. 1722 01:28:03,546 --> 01:28:04,945 Whoa. 1723 01:28:04,981 --> 01:28:07,609 What the hell is wrong with you, Richardo? 1724 01:28:07,650 --> 01:28:10,244 You offered a prize and now you owe her. 1725 01:28:10,286 --> 01:28:13,084 You want to make something of it? 1726 01:28:16,626 --> 01:28:18,560 Yeah, I do. 1727 01:28:18,594 --> 01:28:21,563 Just do what you promised, you motherfucker. 1728 01:28:21,597 --> 01:28:23,895 - Oh! - What? 1729 01:28:25,735 --> 01:28:27,999 Well well well, 1730 01:28:28,037 --> 01:28:30,369 looks like somebody's little acorns 1731 01:28:30,406 --> 01:28:32,271 done grew into big nuts. 1732 01:28:32,308 --> 01:28:34,674 You're finally acting like a man. 1733 01:28:34,710 --> 01:28:36,905 But you're too little too late. 1734 01:28:36,946 --> 01:28:39,176 I still got to pay the Yakuza 1735 01:28:39,215 --> 01:28:41,080 20,000 yen. 1736 01:28:41,117 --> 01:28:43,779 Wait, yen or dollars? 1737 01:28:43,819 --> 01:28:45,980 Same thing, stupid. 1738 01:28:46,022 --> 01:28:48,320 Yen is Japanese for dollars. 1739 01:28:48,357 --> 01:28:50,416 Oh. 1740 01:28:50,459 --> 01:28:52,359 Actually, Champ, 20,000 yen 1741 01:28:52,395 --> 01:28:55,887 is about 170 American dollars. 1742 01:28:55,931 --> 01:28:58,832 Ah-so. 1743 01:28:59,935 --> 01:29:03,234 In circumspeculation that makes sense. 1744 01:29:03,272 --> 01:29:06,002 When I was in the Orient I used to wonder to myself 1745 01:29:06,042 --> 01:29:08,374 why is everything so small 1746 01:29:08,411 --> 01:29:11,608 yet so expensive? 1747 01:29:11,647 --> 01:29:13,512 Good work, Dr. Doolittle. 1748 01:29:14,517 --> 01:29:16,781 170 for me. 1749 01:29:16,819 --> 01:29:18,582 10 grand for you. 1750 01:29:20,523 --> 01:29:22,616 What do you think I should do with the rest of it? 1751 01:29:22,658 --> 01:29:24,353 I think you should give it to the waiters. 1752 01:29:24,393 --> 01:29:27,453 - I think they earned it. - Yeah, I guess so. 1753 01:29:27,496 --> 01:29:31,125 I was wrong to think they could be replaced by robots. 1754 01:29:31,167 --> 01:29:33,465 Nice one, Rich. 1755 01:29:33,502 --> 01:29:35,834 Feed, my pretties, feed. 1756 01:29:37,973 --> 01:29:40,305 Oh my God! 1757 01:29:48,451 --> 01:29:50,043 Money money money! 1758 01:29:50,086 --> 01:29:51,986 Oh God. 1759 01:29:52,021 --> 01:29:54,512 Wow, Rich. 1760 01:29:54,557 --> 01:29:57,390 - That was legendary. - Thank you. 1761 01:30:03,799 --> 01:30:07,428 Well, I guess I should thank you properly for what you did. 1762 01:30:10,973 --> 01:30:12,406 Aw! 1763 01:30:12,441 --> 01:30:14,204 That's so nice. 1764 01:30:43,906 --> 01:30:46,340 Whoa. Oh, just... 1765 01:30:46,375 --> 01:30:49,003 Okay, oh oh oh. 1766 01:30:49,044 --> 01:30:52,172 Okay okay, what the fuck, Donnie? 1767 01:30:52,214 --> 01:30:53,806 You see that, Donnie? 1768 01:30:53,849 --> 01:30:56,079 That's how you kiss a girl, you fucking fruit cake. 1769 01:30:56,118 --> 01:30:59,383 I hate you. 1770 01:30:59,421 --> 01:31:01,446 Nice going, dog. 1771 01:31:01,490 --> 01:31:03,515 Oh, God. 1772 01:31:03,559 --> 01:31:05,550 It tastes like tartar sauce. 1773 01:31:05,594 --> 01:31:07,585 Wait wait wait wait. Hold on. 1774 01:31:07,630 --> 01:31:09,894 I almost forgot. 1775 01:31:09,932 --> 01:31:13,459 I still got to kick the shit out of the low man. 1776 01:31:13,502 --> 01:31:16,130 Is he fucking serious? 1777 01:31:16,172 --> 01:31:17,469 Oh God. 1778 01:31:20,843 --> 01:31:23,539 Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself, huh? 1779 01:31:23,579 --> 01:31:25,638 Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? 1780 01:31:25,681 --> 01:31:28,809 Why are you hitting yourself? Have you gone crazy, huh? 1781 01:31:28,851 --> 01:31:30,318 Are you crazy, man? 1782 01:31:30,352 --> 01:31:32,149 All right, come on. Let's get this over with. 1783 01:31:32,188 --> 01:31:34,247 I've got to get home and watch "Dancing with the Stars." 1784 01:31:34,290 --> 01:31:35,951 Nick Lachey is doing the jitterbug. 1785 01:31:35,991 --> 01:31:37,253 He's good. Have you ever seen him? 1786 01:31:37,293 --> 01:31:38,920 - No no. - You've got your guards up. 1787 01:31:38,961 --> 01:31:40,758 - You want to fight? - You're just kidding, right, Champ? 1788 01:31:40,796 --> 01:31:44,027 Don't be so scared. You should learn to control your fears. 1789 01:31:44,066 --> 01:31:46,193 Take me for instance. I'm afraid of the dark. 1790 01:31:46,235 --> 01:31:48,465 But you'd never know it 'cause I have mental discipline. 1791 01:31:48,504 --> 01:31:51,098 You know what I'm saying? I don't even use a nightlight no more. 1792 01:31:51,140 --> 01:31:53,836 - Okay okay. - Whoa whoa, what's up? 1793 01:31:53,876 --> 01:31:55,571 What? What's up? What's up? 1794 01:31:55,611 --> 01:31:59,672 1795 01:31:57,215 --> 01:32:01,413 1796 01:32:01,453 --> 01:32:05,048 1797 01:32:05,090 --> 01:32:07,024 1798 01:32:07,058 --> 01:32:11,017 1799 01:32:13,631 --> 01:32:15,531 1800 01:32:15,567 --> 01:32:18,331 1801 01:32:18,370 --> 01:32:21,271 1802 01:32:21,306 --> 01:32:23,467 1803 01:32:23,508 --> 01:32:28,104 1804 01:32:29,547 --> 01:32:32,880 1805 01:32:32,917 --> 01:32:37,581 1806 01:32:37,622 --> 01:32:40,955 1807 01:32:40,992 --> 01:32:44,359 1808 01:32:46,765 --> 01:32:48,665 1809 01:32:48,700 --> 01:32:50,497 1810 01:32:50,535 --> 01:32:55,165 1811 01:32:55,206 --> 01:32:58,505 1812 01:32:58,543 --> 01:33:00,443 1813 01:33:00,478 --> 01:33:04,380 1814 01:33:11,389 --> 01:33:13,289 1815 01:33:13,324 --> 01:33:15,155 1816 01:33:15,193 --> 01:33:17,161 1817 01:33:17,195 --> 01:33:19,220 1818 01:33:19,264 --> 01:33:21,164 1819 01:33:21,199 --> 01:33:22,723 1820 01:33:22,767 --> 01:33:26,362 1821 01:33:26,404 --> 01:33:28,634 1822 01:33:28,673 --> 01:33:30,937 1823 01:33:30,975 --> 01:33:35,139 1824 01:33:35,180 --> 01:33:38,707 1825 01:33:38,750 --> 01:33:42,049 1826 01:33:42,086 --> 01:33:45,351 1827 01:33:47,792 --> 01:33:51,558 1828 01:33:52,797 --> 01:33:54,458 What's up, noodle dicks? 1829 01:33:56,999 --> 01:33:58,466 That to-do-you... 1830 01:34:00,302 --> 01:34:02,964 Whoo! Hey, noodle dicks. 1831 01:34:03,005 --> 01:34:05,599 God damn it. Come on. 1832 01:34:05,641 --> 01:34:07,802 Whoo! What's up, noodle dicks? 1833 01:34:07,843 --> 01:34:11,210 That table over there just ordered two rounds of premium tequila. 1834 01:34:11,246 --> 01:34:13,339 Now you guys... now you guys... 1835 01:34:13,382 --> 01:34:15,373 Shit! 1836 01:34:15,417 --> 01:34:17,612 I missed each and every one of you. 1837 01:34:22,758 --> 01:34:25,955 I don't like that shit. I don't like the dark. 1838 01:34:25,995 --> 01:34:28,486 Y'all didn't fucking see "Green Mile"? 1839 01:34:28,530 --> 01:34:30,293 I am afraid of the dark. 1840 01:34:30,332 --> 01:34:32,732 - That's fucked up. - Cut. 1841 01:34:34,269 --> 01:34:36,669 Oh my God, that's crazy. 1842 01:34:36,705 --> 01:34:38,570 And I'm Barack Obama. 1843 01:34:38,607 --> 01:34:40,302 And I'm Osama bin Laden. 1844 01:34:40,342 --> 01:34:41,832 And I'm Obama bin Laden. 1845 01:34:41,877 --> 01:34:43,276 And I'm Shaquille O'Neal. 1846 01:34:43,312 --> 01:34:46,543 And I'm Gloria Estefan from the Miami Sound Machine. 1847 01:34:51,420 --> 01:34:53,285 I can do it. I can do it. 1848 01:35:00,929 --> 01:35:03,329 - Can you do a faster one, please? - Okay. 1849 01:35:07,903 --> 01:35:10,497 Cut. 1850 01:35:18,480 --> 01:35:20,505 Good, let's go from the top again. 1851 01:35:20,549 --> 01:35:23,040 Is it gross? All right, cut. 1852 01:35:23,085 --> 01:35:24,552 Cut cut cut. 1853 01:35:24,586 --> 01:35:26,213 It wasn't gross. I just thought I'd put it back. 1854 01:35:31,527 --> 01:35:33,222 Well, you know what they say: 1855 01:35:33,262 --> 01:35:35,321 All the good ones are either gay or crazy. 1856 01:35:35,364 --> 01:35:37,093 Or fat. Or gassy. 1857 01:35:37,132 --> 01:35:39,259 Or Dutch. Or uncircumcised. 1858 01:35:39,301 --> 01:35:42,395 - Ew! - What does that mean? 1859 01:35:42,438 --> 01:35:44,201 Cut! 1860 01:35:44,239 --> 01:35:46,901 And she throws an elbow across like this. 1861 01:35:46,942 --> 01:35:49,206 So I want to grab her... I started to do like that. 1862 01:35:49,244 --> 01:35:51,212 Body shot, body shot, body shot, body shot. 1863 01:35:51,246 --> 01:35:52,611 We were in the clinch like this 1864 01:35:52,648 --> 01:35:54,616 and I started to go, "Bitch, what the fuck are you doing?" 1865 01:35:54,650 --> 01:35:56,481 So I'm like... and I'm trying to hit him. 1866 01:35:56,518 --> 01:35:58,543 And we cover up like this and I'm moving around. 1867 01:35:58,587 --> 01:36:00,145 I'm like, "This dude is..." 1868 01:36:00,189 --> 01:36:01,554 no, don't turn your back. Stay right here. 1869 01:36:01,590 --> 01:36:04,081 Last week on "Heroes." 1870 01:36:04,126 --> 01:36:06,822 Yeah, cut. Yes. Very good. 1871 01:36:25,447 --> 01:36:27,176 'Cause I'm bored. 1872 01:36:27,216 --> 01:36:29,810 Cut. Cut.