1 00:02:26,650 --> 00:02:29,345 Fuck Wolverine. 2 00:02:30,158 --> 00:02:33,112 First, he rides my coattails with the R-rating. 3 00:02:33,137 --> 00:02:37,314 Then, the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. 4 00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:39,270 What a dick! 5 00:02:39,590 --> 00:02:41,511 Well guess what, Wolvie? 6 00:02:41,833 --> 00:02:44,324 I'm dying in this one, too. 7 00:02:47,544 --> 00:02:51,918 To understand why I took a catnap on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel... 8 00:02:51,934 --> 00:02:55,691 I need to take you back to the doody slopes of six weeks ago. 9 00:02:55,707 --> 00:02:58,988 I've gone international. Taking on mass murderers, gangsters, 10 00:02:58,997 --> 00:03:00,871 unspeakable monsters. 11 00:03:00,879 --> 00:03:03,996 People nobody would touch. Except me. 12 00:03:04,004 --> 00:03:06,496 I'm gonna touch them all over. 13 00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,313 Hey. It's Gail calling. 14 00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:15,110 Love the shiny suit. Really brings out the sex trafficker in your eyes. 15 00:03:17,381 --> 00:03:20,725 I don't speak Cantonese, Mister... 16 00:03:21,686 --> 00:03:23,834 Well I'm not even gonna attempt that. 17 00:03:23,842 --> 00:03:26,482 But I did take eighth grade Spanish, so... 18 00:03:26,491 --> 00:03:28,490 Donde esta la biblioteca? 19 00:03:28,506 --> 00:03:30,771 Which literally translates to... 20 00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:34,546 "I don't bargain, pumpkin-fucker." 21 00:03:44,050 --> 00:03:46,206 Uno, dos, tres, quatr... 22 00:03:58,271 --> 00:04:00,685 I'll take a glitter off your glitter fucking vodka. 23 00:04:00,693 --> 00:04:03,185 I know it's called sea breeze. Don't make me say it. 24 00:04:03,724 --> 00:04:05,419 Hit it, Dolly. 25 00:04:22,452 --> 00:04:25,631 Taking the hands off the guns of the criminals. 26 00:04:32,953 --> 00:04:35,406 Do not go in there! 27 00:04:44,855 --> 00:04:47,674 Oh, God! Oh, God! Time out! Time out! 28 00:04:47,706 --> 00:04:51,245 Cut! Just like Cyclops, can't open my eyes. 29 00:04:54,383 --> 00:04:55,734 Fuck! 30 00:04:56,899 --> 00:04:58,695 Scoutmaster Kevin? 31 00:05:05,008 --> 00:05:06,593 Too exotic? 32 00:05:09,102 --> 00:05:12,054 My world tour brought me home to this guy. 33 00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,429 Sergei 34 00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:15,180 We'll get to him in a moment. 35 00:05:15,188 --> 00:05:16,773 Because I know what you're thinking. 36 00:05:16,790 --> 00:05:19,359 "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." 37 00:05:19,368 --> 00:05:20,930 But that's where you'd be wrong. 38 00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,875 That babysitter of yours, is high as fuck right now. 39 00:05:23,981 --> 00:05:25,449 And believe it or not... 40 00:05:25,461 --> 00:05:28,507 Deadpool 2, is a family film. 41 00:05:28,524 --> 00:05:29,429 True story. 42 00:05:29,438 --> 00:05:33,117 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 43 00:05:33,281 --> 00:05:36,156 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw VII. 44 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:39,773 Holy shit-pickles. That guy's on fire! 45 00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:43,274 That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. Yeah. 46 00:05:43,548 --> 00:05:46,047 You know, you need to take out bad guys, right? 47 00:05:46,072 --> 00:05:49,408 But this guy... He was one of the worst of 'em. 48 00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:55,471 Open up with this fucking door, and let's kill this motherfu... 49 00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:03,819 Ugh... So gross. 50 00:06:03,952 --> 00:06:06,444 A panic room? Really? 51 00:06:06,859 --> 00:06:08,904 Can you come out? 52 00:06:09,132 --> 00:06:12,633 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 53 00:06:17,992 --> 00:06:21,038 Open up what you feel inside. Just not having enough confidence. 54 00:06:21,068 --> 00:06:24,319 Listen, confidence is not something you have. It's something you create. 55 00:06:24,349 --> 00:06:26,528 And you can create it any moment in time. 56 00:06:26,544 --> 00:06:29,919 A sense of confidence is nothing but a sense of power within yourself. 57 00:06:29,944 --> 00:06:32,505 A sense of certainty that you can pull something off. 58 00:06:32,507 --> 00:06:34,905 And you can create that feeling within you, in a moment. 59 00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:37,311 Start the fucking car! 60 00:06:43,638 --> 00:06:45,334 - Woo! - I shit my pants. 61 00:06:45,359 --> 00:06:47,872 Actually, that may have been me. 62 00:06:47,888 --> 00:06:49,067 Mission accomplished? 63 00:06:49,092 --> 00:06:51,075 Well, George W-sort of way. 64 00:06:51,076 --> 00:06:53,273 Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever. 65 00:06:53,298 --> 00:06:56,579 - You are living the dreams, DP. - It has been quite the run, Dopinder. 66 00:06:56,604 --> 00:06:57,931 And who'd have thought? 67 00:06:57,932 --> 00:07:00,432 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus. 68 00:07:00,457 --> 00:07:03,518 Passion of the Christ, then, me. At least, domestically. 69 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:06,558 We beat them overseas, where there's no such thing as religion. 70 00:07:06,582 --> 00:07:09,027 I do want to live the dreams, Poolboy. 71 00:07:09,043 --> 00:07:11,535 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 72 00:07:11,629 --> 00:07:14,511 - I want to fill my... - Pockets? What's your poison? 73 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,564 Little cookie cokey? 74 00:07:16,689 --> 00:07:19,595 Can't maintain an erection without buying shoes online? 75 00:07:19,634 --> 00:07:22,009 Never experienced that last one. 76 00:07:22,021 --> 00:07:24,689 - Talk to me, - I was going to say, soul. 77 00:07:24,709 --> 00:07:28,724 I want to fill my soul. I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir. 78 00:07:28,896 --> 00:07:30,224 Dopinder? 79 00:07:30,847 --> 00:07:32,964 You never cease to surprise me. 80 00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:37,025 The depth of your heart is extraordinary. 81 00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:41,315 We all need a sense of belonging. We all need a genuine sense of home. 82 00:07:41,340 --> 00:07:43,229 - a place... - I want to become a contract killer. 83 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,996 I'm sorry. What did you say? 84 00:07:45,004 --> 00:07:48,644 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu, and tried to end him... 85 00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:49,989 You kinda killed him. 86 00:07:50,005 --> 00:07:52,747 - Remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? - I don't want to. 87 00:07:52,755 --> 00:07:57,355 When Tom Cruise fed ten-year old Kirsten Dunst blood for the first time. 88 00:07:57,380 --> 00:08:00,880 Then she looked up at his smooth, handsome face, 89 00:08:00,888 --> 00:08:04,130 and said, "I want some more". 90 00:08:04,162 --> 00:08:08,271 Oh, Pool, picture me! A ten-year old Kirsten Dunst. 91 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:11,232 I'll never not picture that. 92 00:08:11,709 --> 00:08:15,318 But I can't wait to never speak of this. As soon as possible. 93 00:08:15,607 --> 00:08:16,826 We're here. 94 00:08:20,005 --> 00:08:22,950 - You're my Tom Cruise. - And you're my Kristen Dunst! 95 00:08:22,975 --> 00:08:24,614 Kristen? Kirsten? 96 00:08:29,531 --> 00:08:31,015 Sorry I'm late. 97 00:08:31,117 --> 00:08:32,650 There was a bunch of... 98 00:08:32,671 --> 00:08:36,272 Handicappable children stuck in a tree. I had to... 99 00:08:36,297 --> 00:08:37,222 You're right. 100 00:08:37,247 --> 00:08:39,246 I was fighting a caped badass. 101 00:08:39,271 --> 00:08:42,525 - Then I discovered his mom was named Martha, too. - No. 102 00:08:43,111 --> 00:08:44,205 Traffic? 103 00:08:45,197 --> 00:08:46,197 Hmm? 104 00:08:46,971 --> 00:08:49,978 - Kiss me like you miss me, Red. - Well, come here. 105 00:09:01,352 --> 00:09:03,562 I wanna shower and get out of this suit. 106 00:09:03,739 --> 00:09:07,028 - Don't you want your surprise? - Do I look like a patient burn victim? 107 00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:12,957 Happy anniversary, baby. 108 00:09:15,176 --> 00:09:16,668 The ski-ball token. 109 00:09:17,018 --> 00:09:18,840 - Our first date. - Yup. 110 00:09:20,035 --> 00:09:22,722 That's genuine high-grade lead. 111 00:09:25,527 --> 00:09:27,339 I'll keep it forever. 112 00:09:27,904 --> 00:09:30,114 Thank you, baby. 113 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,177 Open yours. 114 00:09:34,771 --> 00:09:36,208 Well that's... 115 00:09:36,334 --> 00:09:38,272 That's just the most beautiful thing I ever... 116 00:09:38,297 --> 00:09:39,780 I don't know what this is. 117 00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:41,225 My IUD. 118 00:09:41,508 --> 00:09:42,576 A bomb? 119 00:09:42,601 --> 00:09:45,501 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 120 00:09:45,812 --> 00:09:46,883 You mean your.... 121 00:09:46,908 --> 00:09:50,163 - Baby factory is open for business. - Oh, my God! 122 00:09:50,867 --> 00:09:53,343 Oh, my God! I want a boy. 123 00:09:53,530 --> 00:09:56,194 Or a little girl. Just really one or the other. 124 00:09:57,429 --> 00:09:59,624 I want our kids to have only one name. 125 00:10:00,031 --> 00:10:01,286 Like Cher. 126 00:10:01,311 --> 00:10:02,444 Or Todd. 127 00:10:03,273 --> 00:10:06,226 - You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy. - Yes, I do. 128 00:10:06,251 --> 00:10:09,468 - Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. - Let's do that. 129 00:10:18,688 --> 00:10:21,203 Does this song sound familiar to you? 130 00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,039 May. 131 00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:27,624 Connor? If it's a boy. 132 00:10:27,719 --> 00:10:29,992 May if it's a girl. 133 00:10:31,907 --> 00:10:33,805 So weird. 134 00:10:34,219 --> 00:10:36,400 Family's a lot like an "F"-word to me. 135 00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:41,445 Pile of shit father took off and bailed, and... 136 00:10:42,657 --> 00:10:46,578 It's not like I have a lot of strong role models to draw off of for Todd. 137 00:10:47,884 --> 00:10:48,930 Hey. 138 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:50,656 Look at me. 139 00:10:51,758 --> 00:10:53,789 You are not your father. 140 00:10:55,468 --> 00:10:56,686 Besides... 141 00:10:56,820 --> 00:10:59,257 I will never, ever... 142 00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:02,063 let our child be named "Todd". 143 00:11:02,697 --> 00:11:05,220 But here's the thing. Isn't that how it always works? 144 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,028 Like in Star Wars... 145 00:11:07,076 --> 00:11:09,474 Men are destined to become their father? 146 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,965 And then have consensual sex with their sister? 147 00:11:13,121 --> 00:11:15,824 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 148 00:11:16,402 --> 00:11:20,417 - No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her. - Baby, that's Empire. 149 00:11:20,809 --> 00:11:23,691 The point is, kids... 150 00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:27,965 They give us a chance to be better than we are. 151 00:11:28,018 --> 00:11:30,288 Better than we used to be. 152 00:11:31,229 --> 00:11:34,135 You're a lot smarter than you look. 153 00:11:34,643 --> 00:11:36,385 I'm gonna go make dessert. 154 00:11:36,409 --> 00:11:39,869 You get the strap-on. Let's make a superbaby. 155 00:11:40,876 --> 00:11:43,696 I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way but we can try. 156 00:11:44,352 --> 00:11:47,720 What about Krystal, with a K? 157 00:11:47,781 --> 00:11:49,508 That's too stripper-y. 158 00:11:49,766 --> 00:11:51,507 Kevin with a K? 159 00:11:51,532 --> 00:11:53,713 No. Too stripper-y too. 160 00:11:54,107 --> 00:11:55,552 Earl? 161 00:11:55,889 --> 00:12:00,178 He's gonna go straight to jail if we name him Earl. 162 00:12:01,038 --> 00:12:03,334 What about Bruce? 163 00:12:05,170 --> 00:12:07,381 - Get down. - What? 164 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:38,378 Baby? Baby? 165 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,191 I'm okay. 166 00:12:43,402 --> 00:12:46,128 Thank God, I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 167 00:16:39,906 --> 00:16:42,679 Papa, can you hear me? 168 00:16:43,819 --> 00:16:47,295 Is it just me or does "Do you want to Build A Snowman" from Frozen 169 00:16:47,311 --> 00:16:50,631 sounds suspiciously like "Papa, Can You Hear Me" from Yentl? 170 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,678 Papa, can you hear me? 171 00:16:55,612 --> 00:16:58,201 That nobody fucking realizes it. 172 00:16:58,499 --> 00:17:01,369 Go home. You've been here for three days, okay? 173 00:17:01,468 --> 00:17:05,327 You smell like somebody shit in a civil war wound after it had become gangrenous 174 00:17:05,336 --> 00:17:09,007 They should've just amputated it. Why shit in it. It doesn't make any sense. 175 00:17:09,032 --> 00:17:10,797 I love Frozen. 176 00:17:10,884 --> 00:17:14,274 I loved her. I loved her like ocean loved water. 177 00:17:14,406 --> 00:17:16,819 - An ocean is water. - More importantly... 178 00:17:16,890 --> 00:17:18,351 I liked her. 179 00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,523 I really liked her, you know? 180 00:17:20,758 --> 00:17:25,773 George Michael was right. I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck. He's dead too. 181 00:17:26,416 --> 00:17:29,580 - At least we still have Bowie. - Yeah. 182 00:17:29,885 --> 00:17:32,900 We still... have Bowie. 183 00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:34,453 I'm sorry. 184 00:17:34,515 --> 00:17:37,906 Shot after shot, it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 185 00:17:37,921 --> 00:17:41,999 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? You're making the face that you make when you're urinating. 186 00:17:42,171 --> 00:17:44,163 - Is he pissing? - I'm on it. 187 00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:45,677 There you go, Dopinder. 188 00:17:45,702 --> 00:17:49,874 You wanna be a contract killer, you're gonna handle a mop before you handle a gun. 189 00:17:49,890 --> 00:17:52,554 Although I don't quite understand how they are all similar. 190 00:17:52,570 --> 00:17:55,233 Well, they both have handles. Now leave me. 191 00:17:55,869 --> 00:17:57,298 Go home, Wade. 192 00:17:57,390 --> 00:17:59,064 I don't have a home. 193 00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:03,572 Whoa. Okay, I'm fine. Honestly, I'm fine. 194 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,814 You know what fine stands for, Wade? 195 00:18:05,822 --> 00:18:09,212 Fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional. 196 00:18:09,416 --> 00:18:11,892 According to the... 197 00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,673 Kubler-Ross. 198 00:18:13,703 --> 00:18:18,555 According to the Kubler-Ross model, denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 199 00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:20,812 Jesus Christ, Buck. 200 00:18:20,859 --> 00:18:23,351 No more speaking lines for you. 201 00:18:58,772 --> 00:19:03,053 - I'm thinking it over. - Motherfucker! Fuck. 202 00:19:05,451 --> 00:19:09,264 What the hell are you doing here? Don't you know how to knock? 203 00:19:09,319 --> 00:19:12,545 I thought you saw me. With your ears. 204 00:19:12,623 --> 00:19:16,544 - You're lucky I didn't shoot you in... - The wall? The refrigerator? 205 00:19:16,646 --> 00:19:19,153 I'm in so much pain. 206 00:19:21,106 --> 00:19:22,833 I heard the news, sweetie. 207 00:19:22,858 --> 00:19:24,943 I'm very sorry. I am. 208 00:19:24,968 --> 00:19:26,889 What am I gonna do, Al? 209 00:19:26,921 --> 00:19:29,498 Probably something terrible. 210 00:19:29,874 --> 00:19:33,405 - Knowing you. - It was my fault. 211 00:19:34,076 --> 00:19:36,201 I fucking did this. 212 00:19:36,826 --> 00:19:41,045 And all I wanna do is grab her, see her. Tell her that I'm sorry and I can't. 213 00:19:42,796 --> 00:19:44,608 She's gone. 214 00:19:44,690 --> 00:19:48,115 Sweetheart, can you speak up? 215 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,255 It's a little hard to hear you with that pity dick in your mouth. 216 00:19:51,263 --> 00:19:52,466 Now look, sugar. 217 00:19:52,505 --> 00:19:55,341 - You need to just keep living. - Thank you... 218 00:19:55,396 --> 00:19:58,692 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 219 00:19:58,753 --> 00:20:00,338 Listen to the pain. 220 00:20:00,519 --> 00:20:03,534 It's both history teacher and fortune-teller. 221 00:20:03,573 --> 00:20:06,862 Pain teaches us who we'd all be. 222 00:20:06,971 --> 00:20:10,780 Sometimes it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 223 00:20:11,226 --> 00:20:14,960 But we can't really live 'till we die a little, can we? 224 00:20:16,374 --> 00:20:17,491 Wade? 225 00:20:19,921 --> 00:20:22,240 - Wade? - I'm right here, Althea. 226 00:20:22,265 --> 00:20:26,756 Maybe that's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. 227 00:20:26,882 --> 00:20:29,334 You're absolutely right. 228 00:20:32,304 --> 00:20:34,952 I'm about to do something terrible. 229 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,889 There. All caught up. 230 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,874 You can't really live until you've died a little. 231 00:20:43,913 --> 00:20:46,280 Let's test that theory, shall we? 232 00:21:18,096 --> 00:21:20,441 I love you, Wade Wilson. 233 00:21:22,284 --> 00:21:23,721 Ness? 234 00:21:24,947 --> 00:21:26,229 Ness? 235 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:28,548 Ness? 236 00:21:28,727 --> 00:21:32,156 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 237 00:21:33,183 --> 00:21:35,709 Your heart's not in the right place. 238 00:21:35,865 --> 00:21:38,146 Wait. Hold on, what? 239 00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:40,238 Your heart's not in the right place. 240 00:21:40,263 --> 00:21:43,856 Wait, what's that, what do you mean my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 241 00:22:03,028 --> 00:22:07,168 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. You're broken. 242 00:22:07,270 --> 00:22:10,699 Oh, God. I know that voice. 243 00:22:14,316 --> 00:22:17,464 Heart's in the right place. Heart's not, what does that mean? 244 00:22:17,488 --> 00:22:19,255 You've been sleep for three days. 245 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,574 - I took the liberty of dressing you. - No shit. 246 00:22:22,614 --> 00:22:26,442 - Why can't I fucking die? - Take your mask off, Wade. 247 00:22:26,512 --> 00:22:29,762 We must talk. You need fresh start. 248 00:22:30,191 --> 00:22:32,816 With training, you can be X-Man. 249 00:22:32,841 --> 00:22:34,910 You're wasting your time, shiny Jesus. 250 00:22:34,918 --> 00:22:38,316 - I'm not X-Men material. - Understatement of the year. 251 00:22:38,394 --> 00:22:41,144 Wade, Yukio. Yukio, Wade. 252 00:22:41,199 --> 00:22:43,925 What, in the fuck-knuckles is this? 253 00:22:43,941 --> 00:22:45,730 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit. 254 00:22:45,738 --> 00:22:48,464 Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox and Friends. 255 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:52,901 I'm just surprised anyone would date you. Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. 256 00:22:53,050 --> 00:22:56,941 - I like this guy. - Give him a chance. 257 00:22:57,017 --> 00:23:00,682 - It's great seeing you like this. - Yeah... 258 00:23:00,721 --> 00:23:01,721 Bye, Wade! 259 00:23:01,807 --> 00:23:04,603 Now some ground rules while under our roof. 260 00:23:04,666 --> 00:23:09,322 Rule number one: No killing. Anyone. Ever. 261 00:23:09,347 --> 00:23:11,017 No matter how bad. 262 00:23:11,065 --> 00:23:15,221 Rule two: Label everything in refriger... Wade? 263 00:23:15,463 --> 00:23:16,767 Wade? 264 00:23:17,588 --> 00:23:22,041 Don't try to chase me. Not ready to be touched yet. 265 00:23:22,251 --> 00:23:24,690 All these elderly white men on the walls. 266 00:23:24,715 --> 00:23:26,979 Should've brought my rape whistle. 267 00:23:27,463 --> 00:23:30,276 Those were already damaged after they fell there. 268 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:34,518 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway. Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 269 00:23:34,542 --> 00:23:37,540 And how would I do that, exactly, because... 270 00:23:37,588 --> 00:23:40,049 Where the fuck is everyone? 271 00:23:40,074 --> 00:23:42,322 It's always just you and Negasonic Teenage 272 00:23:42,331 --> 00:23:44,635 - Longest Name ever. - Enough! 273 00:23:44,643 --> 00:23:46,283 I said no touching. 274 00:23:47,338 --> 00:23:50,228 What the... fuck. 275 00:23:50,541 --> 00:23:53,025 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 276 00:23:53,050 --> 00:23:55,565 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 277 00:23:55,590 --> 00:23:58,824 How about that pots with the giant pigeon wings? What do those do in there? 278 00:23:58,849 --> 00:24:02,409 Carry them three feet off the ground to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 279 00:24:02,434 --> 00:24:04,679 No, no, no, no, no. No. 280 00:24:04,695 --> 00:24:07,484 I am not X-men material, at all. 281 00:24:07,539 --> 00:24:09,054 First off... 282 00:24:10,117 --> 00:24:13,070 I'm not even a virgin. Sceond, and more... 283 00:24:13,968 --> 00:24:17,491 I should've left you in the self-pitying mess I found you in. 284 00:24:17,516 --> 00:24:20,374 But this is what friends do. They show up. 285 00:24:20,414 --> 00:24:22,242 Not when convenient or easy. 286 00:24:22,258 --> 00:24:23,390 When hard. 287 00:24:23,429 --> 00:24:26,539 And you always make it hard. 288 00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:29,231 You are unwell. 289 00:24:29,256 --> 00:24:32,210 I'm sticking my neck out for you. 290 00:24:32,217 --> 00:24:35,349 One of the assholes who killed Vanessa got away. 291 00:24:37,888 --> 00:24:40,669 - Jesus Christ. - Wade. 292 00:24:40,731 --> 00:24:45,160 Whoever they are, we track them down and bring them to justice. 293 00:24:45,397 --> 00:24:46,842 It was me. 294 00:24:49,784 --> 00:24:52,159 I'm the asshole who got away. 295 00:24:52,525 --> 00:24:55,267 I killed every last one of them. Except me. 296 00:24:55,439 --> 00:24:57,501 Couldn't kill me. 297 00:25:00,493 --> 00:25:02,657 We were gonna start a family. 298 00:25:04,337 --> 00:25:05,962 We were, uhh... 299 00:25:07,477 --> 00:25:09,508 We were gonna be a family. 300 00:25:09,988 --> 00:25:12,735 Wade, Vanessa is gone. 301 00:25:12,853 --> 00:25:14,899 She is not coming back. 302 00:25:15,304 --> 00:25:17,860 This may not be family you want. 303 00:25:17,874 --> 00:25:20,280 But, it's family you need. 304 00:25:20,363 --> 00:25:24,417 You have a good heart. It belongs here, where it can grow. 305 00:25:24,816 --> 00:25:26,472 What did you say? 306 00:25:28,096 --> 00:25:30,049 About my heart? 307 00:25:34,940 --> 00:25:37,424 I think I'm in the right place. 308 00:26:51,129 --> 00:26:52,231 Wade. 309 00:26:53,178 --> 00:26:54,326 Wade! 310 00:26:54,389 --> 00:26:58,873 Hey. I was just taking Cerebro for a spin here. Looking deep into the future. 311 00:26:59,488 --> 00:27:02,470 - This thing... - That's not how Cerebro works. 312 00:27:02,495 --> 00:27:03,541 Yes. Yes. 313 00:27:03,972 --> 00:27:06,893 - We have mission. - We have mission. We do. 314 00:27:07,034 --> 00:27:09,097 You do. You guys stay safe out there. 315 00:27:09,128 --> 00:27:12,799 - No. I want you to join. - No. You want me to join. 316 00:27:13,612 --> 00:27:15,979 - I'm sorry. What? - You are ready. 317 00:27:16,006 --> 00:27:18,262 That's a terrible idea, and it's gonna end badly. 318 00:27:18,287 --> 00:27:20,307 You wanna know how I know? I'll give you a hint. 319 00:27:20,332 --> 00:27:23,534 It's on my head and smells like Patrick Stewart. 320 00:27:23,564 --> 00:27:25,667 Be at the X-jet in five. 321 00:27:28,326 --> 00:27:30,951 Irene Merryweather, WHIT News. 322 00:27:30,974 --> 00:27:35,702 Live here on a breaking news situation at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. 323 00:27:35,741 --> 00:27:40,778 A mutant boy is appearing to have some sort of an incident with police here behind me. 324 00:27:40,803 --> 00:27:43,860 There are two police vehicles that are overturned... 325 00:27:44,461 --> 00:27:46,756 A scene of absolute chaos... 326 00:27:46,781 --> 00:27:50,422 I'll burn you! Just stay back. 327 00:27:50,461 --> 00:27:54,492 Get away from me! You wanna fucking die? 328 00:28:09,559 --> 00:28:15,801 It appears as if the X-Men are arriving with, what appears to be a trainee. 329 00:28:16,319 --> 00:28:19,123 Everyone calm down. The pros are here. 330 00:28:19,592 --> 00:28:20,943 We're the X-Men. 331 00:28:20,952 --> 00:28:23,646 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 332 00:28:23,672 --> 00:28:25,764 So, respect. 333 00:28:25,789 --> 00:28:27,519 At ease, officer. 334 00:28:28,652 --> 00:28:30,519 What are you doing? 335 00:28:30,660 --> 00:28:32,027 My job. 336 00:28:32,052 --> 00:28:34,980 You're the one who said I was ready and I frankly disagreed with you. 337 00:28:35,005 --> 00:28:39,020 But here we are. Trying to overcome our differences. Like Beyonce says: 338 00:28:39,045 --> 00:28:42,222 "Please. Please stop cheating on me." 339 00:28:42,246 --> 00:28:43,246 Hey! 340 00:28:43,331 --> 00:28:44,800 This is the fifth incident. 341 00:28:44,824 --> 00:28:47,042 This kid needs to be in the Icebox. Not here. 342 00:28:47,059 --> 00:28:50,000 Russell belongs in our care. Not in prison. 343 00:28:50,778 --> 00:28:54,567 Not getting a real "under control" vibe here, Marty. 344 00:28:54,575 --> 00:28:56,294 - It is Glenn, isn't it? - Daniel. 345 00:28:56,319 --> 00:28:59,075 I'll ask the questions. Let me talk to the kid. 346 00:28:59,098 --> 00:29:01,902 You stay here wth your weird... 347 00:29:01,927 --> 00:29:03,691 Secret sex lips. 348 00:29:05,562 --> 00:29:08,685 - You wanna die? - He's so adorable. Dunno why I packed a hollow point. 349 00:29:08,710 --> 00:29:13,022 - I'll burn your balls off. - First day. I'm so nervous. 350 00:29:13,431 --> 00:29:15,166 Did you just say hollow points? 351 00:29:15,191 --> 00:29:18,776 Yeah. Probably should've brought a super soaker. 352 00:29:19,127 --> 00:29:20,611 Hi, there. 353 00:29:21,612 --> 00:29:24,776 Stay back, or Justin Bieber dies. 354 00:29:25,018 --> 00:29:27,979 Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber. 355 00:29:29,041 --> 00:29:32,048 Wait, wait. Okay, let's not do... 356 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:33,987 Whatever that is. Okay? 357 00:29:34,012 --> 00:29:36,840 Let's just talk. It's Russell. Right? 358 00:29:36,909 --> 00:29:39,090 - Firefist. - Firefist! 359 00:29:39,121 --> 00:29:40,763 That's a great name. 360 00:29:40,788 --> 00:29:43,623 Where does it burn? Just the fist or all the way up to the elbow? 361 00:29:48,472 --> 00:29:50,190 Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 362 00:29:50,207 --> 00:29:53,292 Come quietly. Or there will be trouble. 363 00:29:53,425 --> 00:29:55,519 - You stole that from Robocop. - Robocop! 364 00:29:55,682 --> 00:29:58,994 Just stand down. You're embarassing me. Look! 365 00:29:59,064 --> 00:30:01,689 Firefi... Fire...! 366 00:30:02,393 --> 00:30:05,408 I can't say it. I'm so sorry! 367 00:30:09,572 --> 00:30:12,447 Shit. That fucking does it! 368 00:30:12,463 --> 00:30:15,635 Put your hands behind your knees and get down in your head, now! 369 00:30:15,660 --> 00:30:16,472 Wade! 370 00:30:16,497 --> 00:30:17,792 What was first rule? 371 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,487 Label everything in the refrigerator! 372 00:30:19,512 --> 00:30:22,582 - Do not escalate! - Rules are meant to be broken! 373 00:30:22,607 --> 00:30:25,980 That's the exact opposite of what they are meant for! 374 00:30:26,151 --> 00:30:27,870 Fuck! Fine. 375 00:30:28,222 --> 00:30:29,870 I'll start from the beginning. 376 00:30:29,886 --> 00:30:32,552 My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. 377 00:30:32,577 --> 00:30:34,565 - Trainee! - Shut it! 378 00:30:35,173 --> 00:30:37,262 Look! I get it. 379 00:30:37,961 --> 00:30:40,015 All right? You're scared. 380 00:30:40,163 --> 00:30:41,335 Alone. 381 00:30:41,492 --> 00:30:45,210 You got no family? I didn't have a family. You live in this dump? Well guess what? 382 00:30:45,235 --> 00:30:47,703 I used to live in a shithole just like it. 383 00:30:47,766 --> 00:30:49,117 But you know something? 384 00:30:49,142 --> 00:30:50,687 I think that is worse. 385 00:30:50,712 --> 00:30:53,453 It's a confusing time in your life right now. Your body... 386 00:30:53,516 --> 00:30:56,024 Is going through some fiery changes. 387 00:30:56,071 --> 00:30:58,625 Too far. I went too far. 388 00:31:05,016 --> 00:31:07,204 That was effervescent. 389 00:31:07,851 --> 00:31:11,721 Stay in school kid. Or don't. I didn't. 390 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:14,460 - I'm an X-Man. - Trainee. 391 00:31:14,523 --> 00:31:17,967 Fuck it. Superhero landing coming up. 392 00:31:21,733 --> 00:31:25,162 Fuck, fuck, fuck. That's so impractical. 393 00:31:45,407 --> 00:31:48,633 - I could get used to this X-Men shit. - Trainee! 394 00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:49,821 Trainee! 395 00:31:49,852 --> 00:31:53,148 - Get a collar and restrain him, now. - Calm down, squirt. 396 00:31:53,173 --> 00:31:55,937 It's over. We got ya. 397 00:31:56,885 --> 00:31:58,166 What's that do? 398 00:31:58,198 --> 00:31:59,955 Power dampening collar. 399 00:31:59,971 --> 00:32:02,908 Shuts down all mutant abilities. Can't get it off. 400 00:32:02,924 --> 00:32:05,111 Unless you've got a grenade. 401 00:32:05,136 --> 00:32:07,401 Could've used one of those in the first act. 402 00:32:07,464 --> 00:32:08,870 Thank you. 403 00:32:10,308 --> 00:32:12,675 That was absolutely thrilling. 404 00:32:12,699 --> 00:32:16,948 True heroism in action. We are in your debt. 405 00:32:17,096 --> 00:32:18,909 We can take it from here. 406 00:32:18,934 --> 00:32:22,496 Take me to the Icebox, please. Anywhere is better than here. 407 00:32:22,521 --> 00:32:25,348 Believe me son, you do not wanna go to the Icebox. 408 00:32:25,387 --> 00:32:27,133 Let's get you inside, young man. 409 00:32:27,158 --> 00:32:31,056 No, wait. Wait, you just, you guys stay there. 410 00:32:40,888 --> 00:32:42,756 Those guys hurt you? 411 00:32:43,905 --> 00:32:45,107 Who? 412 00:32:47,397 --> 00:32:50,529 Baldylocks? Jared Kushner? 413 00:32:57,475 --> 00:32:59,771 Fuck it. Four or five moments. 414 00:32:59,796 --> 00:33:02,248 - I'm sorry? - Four... 415 00:33:02,272 --> 00:33:04,631 Or five moments. 416 00:33:05,396 --> 00:33:08,864 That's all it takes to be a hero. 417 00:33:09,021 --> 00:33:11,356 People think you wake up a hero. 418 00:33:11,427 --> 00:33:13,622 Brush your teeth a hero. 419 00:33:13,646 --> 00:33:16,856 Ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. 420 00:33:17,790 --> 00:33:20,438 But no. Being a hero 421 00:33:20,463 --> 00:33:23,016 takes only a few moments. 422 00:33:23,055 --> 00:33:27,601 Few moments doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 423 00:33:30,853 --> 00:33:32,009 No! 424 00:33:35,813 --> 00:33:38,250 - Wade, what did you do? - Colossus, no! 425 00:33:38,275 --> 00:33:40,681 That kid was abused. You can tell, you can always tell. 426 00:33:40,706 --> 00:33:44,417 We have rules. You are not judge, jury or executioner. 427 00:33:44,433 --> 00:33:47,573 Fuck your rules. I fight for what's right. 428 00:33:47,581 --> 00:33:49,237 And sometimes, you gotta fight dirty. 429 00:33:49,275 --> 00:33:52,853 You let me down for the last time, Wade. 430 00:34:22,492 --> 00:34:24,890 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 431 00:34:26,648 --> 00:34:29,718 Is there like a sorting hat? 432 00:34:34,730 --> 00:34:37,347 Hard left, douchebag. 433 00:34:40,402 --> 00:34:42,324 Please. After you. 434 00:34:42,597 --> 00:34:46,065 Another disgusting mutant off the streets. God bless America. 435 00:34:46,104 --> 00:34:47,744 It's a good to talk a little. 436 00:34:50,994 --> 00:34:53,634 Nighty-night, you annoying prick. 437 00:35:25,876 --> 00:35:29,407 But I'm gonna tell you what the big lie is. 438 00:35:29,486 --> 00:35:30,759 Toilet paper. 439 00:35:30,814 --> 00:35:33,931 Toilet paper is certified appetizer. 440 00:35:34,001 --> 00:35:35,759 But then... 441 00:35:36,419 --> 00:35:38,778 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 442 00:35:38,833 --> 00:35:42,090 That's your main course. They're soft. They're moist. 443 00:35:42,114 --> 00:35:44,067 They're for babies. 444 00:35:44,146 --> 00:35:48,911 And finally. One more patch of toilet paper made me clear out that excess moisture. 445 00:35:48,930 --> 00:35:51,906 Maybe treat yourself to a glow and go if you can get you a hair dryer. 446 00:35:51,931 --> 00:35:54,687 Just about thirty seconds until you get... 447 00:35:57,585 --> 00:35:59,039 What the fuck. 448 00:36:00,157 --> 00:36:01,523 Year? 449 00:36:02,211 --> 00:36:03,531 What? 450 00:36:04,321 --> 00:36:05,977 What year is it? 451 00:36:06,149 --> 00:36:08,914 What kind of dumbass question is that to ask? 452 00:36:27,423 --> 00:36:30,899 - You're a long way from your superpowers. - Yeah. 453 00:36:30,965 --> 00:36:32,055 Okay. 454 00:36:35,631 --> 00:36:37,787 I wanted to be a superhero. 455 00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,370 Always wanted my own supersuit. 456 00:36:40,395 --> 00:36:44,395 - What happened? - When's the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 457 00:36:44,420 --> 00:36:48,332 Never. The industry discriminates. 458 00:36:48,450 --> 00:36:50,231 Fuck superheroes. 459 00:36:50,270 --> 00:36:51,928 Fuck everyone. 460 00:36:52,216 --> 00:36:54,990 The first thing I'm gonna do when I get out of here... 461 00:36:55,014 --> 00:37:00,381 Burn the Headmaster alive, and then take a selfie with the smoldering corpse. 462 00:37:00,505 --> 00:37:02,889 Who says prison isn't informative? 463 00:37:02,912 --> 00:37:04,904 Fucker hates mutants. 464 00:37:05,639 --> 00:37:09,271 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand. 465 00:37:09,318 --> 00:37:11,389 Your abilities... 466 00:37:12,412 --> 00:37:15,458 I know how seductive they are. 467 00:37:16,714 --> 00:37:18,932 Please, no more crying. 468 00:37:25,166 --> 00:37:28,845 Tomorrow, I'll find the biggest guy in here. 469 00:37:29,791 --> 00:37:31,580 I'm gonna make him my b... 470 00:37:34,236 --> 00:37:38,282 - What was that? - That is the biggest guy in here. 471 00:37:38,549 --> 00:37:42,508 Fun fact about the Icebox: though no one's ever seen it, 472 00:37:42,533 --> 00:37:44,822 they keep a monster in the basement. 473 00:37:44,916 --> 00:37:48,945 Right next to a huge steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 474 00:37:48,970 --> 00:37:50,001 Look... 475 00:37:50,885 --> 00:37:53,150 I can't protect you. 476 00:37:53,194 --> 00:37:57,516 With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 477 00:37:57,530 --> 00:38:00,811 Give me a bow and arrow, and I'm basically Hawkeye. 478 00:38:00,904 --> 00:38:06,271 Now if you'll excuse me, I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 479 00:38:06,302 --> 00:38:08,761 I'll start by making us a shank. 480 00:38:08,786 --> 00:38:12,348 - Good listening. - I saw that guard's pen and stashed it in the old, 481 00:38:12,373 --> 00:38:16,590 - prison wallet. If you know what I'm saying? - Prison wallet? 482 00:38:17,716 --> 00:38:20,387 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 483 00:38:22,192 --> 00:38:25,528 I can hear you rummaging around in there. 484 00:38:29,637 --> 00:38:32,529 Here to update you on the story reported earlier... 485 00:38:32,554 --> 00:38:36,986 After a lengthy stand-off outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation, 486 00:38:37,019 --> 00:38:40,042 two mutants were arrested and transported to the Icebox. 487 00:38:40,058 --> 00:38:42,542 Entering repair mode. 488 00:39:25,444 --> 00:39:27,287 Don't. Don't do that. 489 00:39:27,905 --> 00:39:30,725 What? Why are you winking at me? 490 00:39:34,754 --> 00:39:37,379 - I've got your back. - Oh, my God. 491 00:39:37,404 --> 00:39:40,769 - I said I'm gonna protect you. - Just leave me alone, kid. 492 00:39:41,896 --> 00:39:43,536 Oh, great. 493 00:39:44,592 --> 00:39:47,411 Well. Look at our new friends. 494 00:39:47,441 --> 00:39:50,261 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 495 00:39:50,286 --> 00:39:55,184 That's some light catalogue, but really, modelling's just a stepping stone for acting. 496 00:39:55,255 --> 00:39:57,629 I wasn't talking to him. 497 00:39:57,945 --> 00:40:01,187 Have we met? Can't place your moustache. 498 00:40:01,390 --> 00:40:04,078 - Black Tom Cassidy. - White Wade Wilson. 499 00:40:04,125 --> 00:40:07,359 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 500 00:40:07,399 --> 00:40:10,234 You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here. 501 00:40:10,250 --> 00:40:12,796 You don't look like much to me. 502 00:40:12,821 --> 00:40:17,797 First rule of the yard, fuck-face. Find the biggest guy and make him your... 503 00:40:21,192 --> 00:40:26,176 Second biggest guy. The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 504 00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:29,402 It's slippery, too. This table needs a wipedown. 505 00:40:29,427 --> 00:40:31,927 Can we get a wipedown on the table? 506 00:40:32,716 --> 00:40:36,130 - Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. - No I didn't. 507 00:40:36,138 --> 00:40:40,091 - He's my friend. - Zip it. We're not friends. 508 00:40:41,176 --> 00:40:43,731 You're about to get dick-slapped... 509 00:40:54,765 --> 00:40:58,702 I had so much fun. You were like, and I was like... 510 00:40:58,750 --> 00:41:02,539 - Please, let me die in peace. - We make a great team. 511 00:41:03,156 --> 00:41:04,765 We're not a team. 512 00:41:05,781 --> 00:41:09,812 I just saved your back there. We're friends. Partners. 513 00:41:09,875 --> 00:41:12,702 We're not partners. Or friends. 514 00:41:13,775 --> 00:41:17,884 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. It ends with me dying of cancer. 515 00:41:17,905 --> 00:41:21,571 And you winning the Icebox award for Softest Mouth. 516 00:41:23,433 --> 00:41:27,198 There's only one person in this world that I care about, and she's gone. 517 00:41:28,343 --> 00:41:30,850 You wanna survive? 518 00:41:31,738 --> 00:41:36,847 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here. Make friends with them. 519 00:41:38,285 --> 00:41:40,800 Make friends with someone. 520 00:41:41,152 --> 00:41:43,566 Anyone but me. 521 00:41:43,844 --> 00:41:46,782 Maybe even Black Tim. 522 00:41:46,954 --> 00:41:51,266 Black Evan? I don't know. All I remember is he's African-American. 523 00:42:49,473 --> 00:42:51,121 Searching. 524 00:42:51,848 --> 00:42:54,566 Cell 0-4. Located. 525 00:42:55,221 --> 00:42:57,652 The door won't open. 526 00:43:36,159 --> 00:43:38,596 That was our cell. 527 00:43:39,971 --> 00:43:44,322 What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker with a Winter Soldier arm? 528 00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,340 Get away from me, kid. 529 00:44:02,463 --> 00:44:04,127 Listen to me, go! 530 00:44:09,033 --> 00:44:11,400 Hello, Russell. 531 00:45:33,822 --> 00:45:36,040 Hello, superpowers. 532 00:45:53,168 --> 00:45:54,941 Who are you? 533 00:45:54,980 --> 00:45:56,355 I'm Batman. 534 00:46:14,645 --> 00:46:17,176 That's got some zip! 535 00:46:24,478 --> 00:46:28,072 Don't do that. Even I can't kill me. 536 00:46:28,197 --> 00:46:29,439 Talk! 537 00:46:29,713 --> 00:46:33,618 What kind of spineless shitstick tries to kill a 14-year old boy? 538 00:46:34,299 --> 00:46:38,439 You might wanna start talking because I got a long history of firing at times like this. 539 00:46:39,424 --> 00:46:44,525 The name's Cable. I'm from the future. Just walk away. 540 00:46:46,294 --> 00:46:51,481 So you're from the future. All right, three questions, then. One... 541 00:46:51,524 --> 00:46:53,848 Is dubstep still a thing? 542 00:46:53,858 --> 00:46:58,092 Two. What Sharknado are we on? And three... 543 00:46:58,116 --> 00:47:02,336 At what point do I need to say, enough with the robotic arms? 544 00:47:44,187 --> 00:47:47,632 - Dubstep's for pussies. - You're so dark! 545 00:47:47,671 --> 00:47:50,397 Are you sure you're not from the DC Universe? 546 00:47:50,476 --> 00:47:52,991 They love dubstep! 547 00:48:18,387 --> 00:48:23,019 Is that a fanny pack? I used to have one of those in ninety-ninetynever. 548 00:48:23,465 --> 00:48:27,558 - Something to remember you by. - Give me that back. 549 00:48:27,582 --> 00:48:32,738 That goes with me everywhere. Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack. 550 00:48:41,491 --> 00:48:43,842 Why are you protecting the kid? 551 00:48:44,740 --> 00:48:47,513 I don't give a fuck about him. 552 00:48:47,568 --> 00:48:50,560 He's arguably had a mother complex. 553 00:48:52,012 --> 00:48:54,497 What's this one do? 554 00:49:07,341 --> 00:49:11,403 In every film, is a moment when the hero hits rock bottom. 555 00:49:11,528 --> 00:49:15,028 In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's prized bobsled broke. 556 00:49:15,245 --> 00:49:19,909 In Human Centipede, it was when those people, signed on to be in that movie. 557 00:49:19,954 --> 00:49:24,060 But in this film, well, you're looking at it. 558 00:49:28,514 --> 00:49:29,896 Rock... 559 00:49:33,078 --> 00:49:35,468 Meet bottom. 560 00:49:46,564 --> 00:49:47,829 Ness? 561 00:49:48,744 --> 00:49:50,619 Hey, Ness! 562 00:49:51,065 --> 00:49:54,150 Ness! Can you let me in? Please! 563 00:49:54,291 --> 00:49:55,947 Please. 564 00:49:56,470 --> 00:49:58,430 Oh, Jesus. 565 00:50:01,024 --> 00:50:05,281 You're not giving a lot of direction here. I'm at the end of my rope. 566 00:50:07,229 --> 00:50:09,596 I joined the X-Men... 567 00:50:09,759 --> 00:50:12,142 Went to prison, with a... 568 00:50:15,244 --> 00:50:17,033 With a kid. 569 00:50:18,966 --> 00:50:23,005 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 570 00:50:23,122 --> 00:50:24,903 The kid! 571 00:50:38,087 --> 00:50:41,149 That's exactly what she meant. Your heart needs to be in the right place. 572 00:50:41,204 --> 00:50:45,164 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. He's never had anyone. Ever. 573 00:50:45,727 --> 00:50:48,789 - I need to be selfless. - Yeah. But was does that mean? 574 00:50:48,814 --> 00:50:52,517 It means, I'mma save Russell. 575 00:50:52,587 --> 00:50:56,602 Maybe I couldn't save Nessa, but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 576 00:50:56,627 --> 00:51:00,634 Yeah, what I mean is the word selfless. I really don't know what that means. 577 00:51:00,705 --> 00:51:02,587 - Jesus Christ. - Okay. 578 00:51:02,604 --> 00:51:04,658 Look, according to my guy, 579 00:51:04,682 --> 00:51:08,509 those muties are being transferred to a super-max 80 miles away. 580 00:51:08,541 --> 00:51:12,541 - Great. I'll pick them off along the way. - Hold your testicles there, buddy. Okay? 581 00:51:12,566 --> 00:51:17,283 We're talking about an armored convoy. And, a vicious super-soldier from the future 582 00:51:17,308 --> 00:51:21,001 - just looking to turn your skull into a fuckable ashtray. - You know what we need to do? 583 00:51:21,025 --> 00:51:24,056 We need to build a fucking team. We need them tough, 584 00:51:24,081 --> 00:51:27,915 morally flexible, and young enough so they can carry this franchise 10 to 12 years. 585 00:51:27,947 --> 00:51:32,079 - My body is an instrument of death. - Not now, Dopinder. 586 00:51:32,149 --> 00:51:36,211 - I could be of great use. - What's your superpower? 587 00:51:37,731 --> 00:51:39,474 That's adorable. 588 00:51:39,514 --> 00:51:44,731 You had the courage to check and see if there're enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser? 589 00:51:44,756 --> 00:51:47,704 Sorry you had to see that. No, I'm glad you heard it. 590 00:51:48,433 --> 00:51:52,610 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. But we're not paying medical or dental. 591 00:51:52,657 --> 00:51:55,534 It's time to get back on LinkedIn. 592 00:52:32,757 --> 00:52:35,960 Transport will begin at 0800 hours. 593 00:52:37,186 --> 00:52:40,467 - The fuck you want? - That's my fucking pudding. 594 00:52:40,551 --> 00:52:42,615 Fuck your pudding. 595 00:53:03,783 --> 00:53:05,322 Hello? 596 00:53:06,970 --> 00:53:09,072 I know you're in there. 597 00:53:24,975 --> 00:53:27,584 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 598 00:53:28,631 --> 00:53:30,256 Lonely at the top. 599 00:53:30,865 --> 00:53:33,483 They're moving us tomorrow. 600 00:53:35,377 --> 00:53:38,217 Maybe I can get you out of here. 601 00:53:38,604 --> 00:53:42,166 We can make the whole world our bitch. 602 00:53:43,423 --> 00:53:46,406 We need a secret code. 603 00:53:47,656 --> 00:53:50,796 No, that's stupid, Russell. You idiot. 604 00:53:58,257 --> 00:54:01,710 We're a team. We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 605 00:54:01,789 --> 00:54:05,093 I'm like 2Pac, and you're like Ice Cube. 606 00:54:08,485 --> 00:54:10,229 Terrific. These are all terrific. 607 00:54:10,254 --> 00:54:12,080 Meet Bedlam. 608 00:54:12,105 --> 00:54:14,324 Cool name. Superpowers? 609 00:54:14,376 --> 00:54:17,165 I can distort electrical fields. 610 00:54:17,189 --> 00:54:23,415 Including the one inside your brain. Causing anxiety, confusion, pain. 611 00:54:24,276 --> 00:54:27,714 So basically, you're Dave Matthews. We can use him. 612 00:54:28,886 --> 00:54:31,698 - I'm Zeitgeist. - Cool. 613 00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:35,128 I'd like to say you have the power to put your finger on the, 614 00:54:35,153 --> 00:54:40,096 - the pulse of society? - No. No, I spit acidic vomit. 615 00:54:40,992 --> 00:54:43,585 - You want me to demonstrate? - No, we'll take your word for it. 616 00:54:43,610 --> 00:54:46,298 Listen, we're all eating at Arby's. Okay? 617 00:54:46,323 --> 00:54:48,971 This is the Vanisher. 618 00:54:51,675 --> 00:54:52,869 But... 619 00:54:54,375 --> 00:54:56,414 Vanisher! 620 00:54:58,188 --> 00:55:00,523 - Nice! - Right? 621 00:55:01,141 --> 00:55:04,031 - He's not here, is he? - He may be running late. 622 00:55:05,546 --> 00:55:09,389 - My name's Rusty but I go by Shatterstar. - That's good. Yeah. 623 00:55:09,414 --> 00:55:11,710 Rusty is... terrible. 624 00:55:11,739 --> 00:55:14,660 - So, where are you from? - The planet Mojoworld. 625 00:55:14,684 --> 00:55:18,403 So you're an alien, I guess. How does that help us? 626 00:55:18,419 --> 00:55:21,356 I'm basically better than you at everything. 627 00:55:21,395 --> 00:55:26,785 For just once I wanna find a planet with people that are worse than me at everything. Whole bunch of functional idiots. 628 00:55:26,867 --> 00:55:30,060 - I'm gonna go there and be their Superman. - Isn't that Canada? 629 00:55:30,085 --> 00:55:32,975 You shut your goddamn trash mouth. 630 00:55:34,148 --> 00:55:35,664 - Meet... - Domino. 631 00:55:35,695 --> 00:55:37,804 - What's your shtick? - I'm lucky. 632 00:55:37,851 --> 00:55:40,859 - If you're so lucky then what are you doing here with us? - I don't know yet. 633 00:55:40,890 --> 00:55:43,593 - What's that supposed to mean? - It means that I don't know yet. 634 00:55:43,648 --> 00:55:47,951 But there's a reason why I'm here. I don't know why I know. Everything usually works out for me. 635 00:55:47,976 --> 00:55:50,538 - Luck isn't a superpower. - Yes, it is. 636 00:55:50,562 --> 00:55:53,866 - No it's not. No-nay. Mario No-pez. - Yes it is. Hmm-mmm. 637 00:55:53,898 --> 00:55:54,898 - Yeah. - Not-cho cheese. 638 00:55:54,914 --> 00:55:56,882 - No, definitely... - There's no way... 639 00:55:56,906 --> 00:55:59,832 - I, sorry I was interrupting you. - No. I interrupted you. 640 00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:02,583 - No, no, no. You can go first. - I was just gonna say, no it's not. 641 00:56:02,605 --> 00:56:05,118 I was gonna just bring it back to that, yes, it is. 642 00:56:05,164 --> 00:56:07,537 Let's meet in the middle and say no, it isn't. 643 00:56:07,562 --> 00:56:09,475 - But it is. - Okay... 644 00:56:09,756 --> 00:56:12,685 - You're hired! - Oh, lucky me. 645 00:56:12,709 --> 00:56:14,162 She's great. 646 00:56:14,576 --> 00:56:17,381 - And last, but not least. - Peter. 647 00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:21,074 Are you cat-fished here? Or... 648 00:56:21,379 --> 00:56:24,621 Any powers you wanna tell us about? Any, uh... Nope? 649 00:56:24,910 --> 00:56:29,769 I don't have them. I just saw the ad and, thought it looked fun. 650 00:56:31,013 --> 00:56:32,089 - You're in. - Yeah. 651 00:56:32,114 --> 00:56:33,216 Fuck! 652 00:56:42,900 --> 00:56:44,634 Let's go! 653 00:56:58,056 --> 00:57:01,657 This is convoy 17. Departing the Icebox. We're inbound. 654 00:57:09,504 --> 00:57:12,277 Peacetime makes people soft. 655 00:57:13,292 --> 00:57:15,691 I was born into war. 656 00:57:16,738 --> 00:57:18,784 Bred into it. 657 00:57:19,105 --> 00:57:22,331 - Okay. - People think they understand pain. 658 00:57:22,885 --> 00:57:26,322 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 659 00:57:27,306 --> 00:57:29,986 - These strains are pretty... - I've done a list. 660 00:57:30,775 --> 00:57:35,345 We're gonna work down it. Together. 661 00:57:35,619 --> 00:57:38,595 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 662 00:57:38,720 --> 00:57:41,110 Something that was not meant to bend. 663 00:57:41,134 --> 00:57:43,430 Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there. Because I'm not gonna make it to two. 664 00:57:43,447 --> 00:57:46,516 I won't even make it to one. I don't do well with pain, you know? 665 00:57:46,532 --> 00:57:49,134 I'm done for the day. 666 00:57:49,150 --> 00:57:51,469 I cried when they cancelled Felicity. 667 00:57:51,486 --> 00:57:54,782 Right. I'm really scared, I get nervous erections. I got one right now. 668 00:57:54,798 --> 00:57:58,579 Don't look at it, only make it worse. I don't want you to hurt me and I'll tell you anything, 669 00:57:58,611 --> 00:58:02,719 anything you wanna know. Except for where they are. 670 00:58:02,806 --> 00:58:08,282 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound on Cherry Duggan parkway. The monster's with him. I wouldn't fuck with him. 671 00:58:08,322 --> 00:58:12,384 Intercept the convoy. Grab the boy. Not inappropriately. 672 00:58:12,409 --> 00:58:15,954 Know what, I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either. Because he's built a team. 673 00:58:15,979 --> 00:58:20,057 - He's unstoppable. - He has an ass-pen. He'll stab you with it. 674 00:58:20,074 --> 00:58:22,480 Watch out for this guy, Cable. 675 00:58:22,488 --> 00:58:25,949 He's very short. 5'11". Not like in the comics. 676 00:58:25,980 --> 00:58:28,558 And if we succeed, we'll all go home early. 677 00:58:28,583 --> 00:58:31,614 So you go after them Cable. I warn you. 678 00:58:32,138 --> 00:58:34,556 There's a wind advisory in effect. 679 00:58:44,894 --> 00:58:47,136 A little turbulent out there. 680 00:58:53,898 --> 00:58:56,484 I don't know much about this Cable fella, but I guarantee, 681 00:58:56,509 --> 00:58:59,187 he hasn't killed as many people as melanoma has. 682 00:59:00,686 --> 00:59:03,774 - We're getting close. - As a former X-Man... 683 00:59:03,777 --> 00:59:05,475 - Trainee. - Thank you, Bedlam. 684 00:59:05,499 --> 00:59:09,437 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism in the group's name. 685 00:59:09,461 --> 00:59:11,382 "X-Men?" Men? 686 00:59:11,421 --> 00:59:15,803 The point is our group will be forward-thinking. Gender neutral. 687 00:59:15,828 --> 00:59:19,124 From now on, we'll be known as... 688 00:59:20,420 --> 00:59:21,974 X-Force. 689 00:59:21,983 --> 00:59:26,420 - Isn't that a little derivative? - I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter. 690 00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:28,981 That wasn't me. 691 00:59:35,671 --> 00:59:39,860 Hang along, we are at 1,300 feet. Intercept the convoy and grab the boy. 692 00:59:39,885 --> 00:59:43,525 - Let's bring on the carnage, baby! - Get me on the ground, watch me go! 693 00:59:43,549 --> 00:59:45,369 - Yeah! - Woo! 694 00:59:47,463 --> 00:59:51,228 I just... I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 695 00:59:51,253 --> 00:59:54,292 You know, you guys, look amazing. 696 00:59:54,370 --> 00:59:57,166 Vanisher I have no doubt you look amazing, too. 697 00:59:57,191 --> 01:00:00,347 If this is the family that I've always dreamed of having, I had... 698 01:00:00,707 --> 01:00:03,480 Shit. I missed out. 699 01:00:03,511 --> 01:00:05,456 I have struggles with that sometimes. 700 01:00:05,481 --> 01:00:09,138 - I hate to interrupt but is anybody nervous about the hard winds? - Gary. 701 01:00:09,163 --> 01:00:11,890 - My name's Peter. - I realize you're new to this. Relax. 702 01:00:11,915 --> 01:00:14,969 - You've been chosen by a higher power. - Did he just call himself god? 703 01:00:15,001 --> 01:00:17,051 - I think he did. - I'd like to go home. 704 01:00:17,076 --> 01:00:19,996 And I'd like the McRib to be available year-round! 705 01:00:20,021 --> 01:00:22,072 But sometimes dreams don't come true... 706 01:00:22,074 --> 01:00:24,071 I spend 10 years in Special Forces, 707 01:00:24,096 --> 01:00:27,510 You think we didn't jump out the plane to get a light breeze? 708 01:00:27,541 --> 01:00:29,661 Your in this shit now, moustache! 709 01:00:29,731 --> 01:00:31,890 I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. 710 01:00:31,915 --> 01:00:34,343 I'll never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. 711 01:00:34,359 --> 01:00:37,679 Hit it! 712 01:00:44,772 --> 01:00:48,076 Go! Go! Go! 713 01:01:22,281 --> 01:01:23,875 Let's get some! 714 01:01:25,243 --> 01:01:26,586 Oh, yeah! 715 01:01:26,611 --> 01:01:30,001 Convoy, 12 o'clock. On my command. 716 01:01:30,189 --> 01:01:32,400 Deploy! 717 01:01:38,826 --> 01:01:41,029 A little off-course here. 718 01:01:42,287 --> 01:01:45,287 Holy mommy fucking shit! 719 01:01:46,396 --> 01:01:50,419 There they are. Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. 720 01:01:51,286 --> 01:01:53,692 Oh, yeah. That's right, Bedlam. 721 01:01:59,331 --> 01:02:02,096 Motherfucking village! 722 01:02:02,590 --> 01:02:05,980 Shatterstar. Okay. You got this. 723 01:02:06,410 --> 01:02:08,800 Left. Left! 724 01:02:08,816 --> 01:02:11,566 Left, you idiot! 725 01:02:14,969 --> 01:02:18,656 Well, I guess we found something you're not good at. 726 01:02:19,493 --> 01:02:20,875 Vanisher. 727 01:02:20,985 --> 01:02:23,820 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 728 01:02:26,094 --> 01:02:29,703 Really? All right. We can do this with four. 729 01:02:30,133 --> 01:02:32,843 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy. 730 01:02:32,883 --> 01:02:36,164 That's the stuff. That's the X-Force spirit. 731 01:02:36,189 --> 01:02:40,601 Never underestimate a man in a moustache. Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 732 01:02:40,875 --> 01:02:44,640 - You're a goddamn superhero, you! - X-Force! 733 01:02:44,665 --> 01:02:46,290 X-Force! 734 01:02:55,684 --> 01:02:58,801 - Peter. - I got you. You'll be fine. 735 01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:01,777 You got this big guy. There we go, Peter! 736 01:03:01,833 --> 01:03:05,777 - We're X-Force, right? - We're X-Force! 737 01:03:08,740 --> 01:03:11,075 Oh, my God! What the fuck? 738 01:03:11,107 --> 01:03:13,880 Fucking acidic vomit! 739 01:03:14,928 --> 01:03:18,185 Oh, God. 740 01:03:20,723 --> 01:03:25,371 Okay, I'm over the convoy. Where did the rest of the team land? 741 01:03:25,574 --> 01:03:27,355 Good news and bad news. 742 01:03:27,387 --> 01:03:30,566 The bad news is, the whole team is dead. 743 01:03:30,645 --> 01:03:33,941 The good news is, I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. 744 01:03:33,966 --> 01:03:37,786 - He was a bit of a prick. But Paul! - Peter. 745 01:03:37,817 --> 01:03:39,889 Peter. We'll miss him most. 746 01:03:39,914 --> 01:03:42,945 But there is a slight chance Vanisher could make it. 747 01:03:43,219 --> 01:03:46,242 - Nope. No chance. He's dead. - The whole team? 748 01:03:46,267 --> 01:03:49,689 - Only the main ones, we're still good. - Fuck, you are dumb. 749 01:03:49,714 --> 01:03:54,487 Even after all this time, I still can't talk about it. Who knew these winds would be so strong? 750 01:03:54,512 --> 01:03:58,887 Everyone. Everyone on the helicopter. Everyone not on the helicopter. 751 01:04:06,821 --> 01:04:10,222 They're headed into the tunnel. 752 01:04:10,391 --> 01:04:14,422 I'm that kid's only hope. So sit tight and wait for my word. 753 01:04:14,742 --> 01:04:21,648 - Whatever. We're gonna lose them. I'm dropping in. - That's a negative, sole survivor. Luck isn't a superpower. 754 01:04:21,673 --> 01:04:25,712 - We are so fucked. - No. We are certainly not fucked. 755 01:04:28,579 --> 01:04:31,406 Seriously, I don't get it. 756 01:04:31,431 --> 01:04:34,266 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 757 01:04:35,895 --> 01:04:40,434 It's just hard to picture. It's certainly not very cinematic. 758 01:04:42,777 --> 01:04:45,434 I mean, luck? What coked out, 759 01:04:45,459 --> 01:04:47,833 - Fuck! - glass-pipe sucking, freakshow 760 01:04:47,858 --> 01:04:50,210 comic book artist came up with that little chest turd? 761 01:04:50,235 --> 01:04:53,514 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 762 01:05:03,563 --> 01:05:06,277 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 763 01:05:06,302 --> 01:05:08,793 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. 764 01:05:08,818 --> 01:05:10,943 - I'm in. - I'm sorry. What did you say? 765 01:05:10,968 --> 01:05:14,272 - I'm in. - How in the fuck are you in already? 766 01:05:14,297 --> 01:05:19,148 - Oh, shit. Cable, 12 o'clock! - Shit! New plan. 767 01:05:19,173 --> 01:05:23,243 Use all of your imaginary powers to stop Cable from killing that kid. 768 01:05:23,268 --> 01:05:25,728 I'm coming up on your six. 769 01:05:34,197 --> 01:05:36,845 That is amazing! 770 01:05:46,221 --> 01:05:50,377 - Where is he? I can't see him. - He's on top of you! 771 01:05:51,954 --> 01:05:55,539 He's going in through the back! Oh, God, he's inside! 772 01:05:55,564 --> 01:05:58,486 - You hear yourself, right? - Accidental double entendres! 773 01:05:58,502 --> 01:06:03,244 - Russell. Russell Collins! - Hands off that kid, John Connor! 774 01:06:07,504 --> 01:06:09,597 No, no, no, no! 775 01:06:12,799 --> 01:06:14,292 Shit! 776 01:06:35,994 --> 01:06:38,519 Two can play that game. 777 01:06:39,957 --> 01:06:42,136 Got it! No, I don't. 778 01:06:42,161 --> 01:06:45,301 - Showtime, momma! - Lady luck, take the wheel. 779 01:07:23,187 --> 01:07:27,882 - I'd ask who you are but you'll be dead in seconds. - I'm Domino. And doubtful. 780 01:07:43,954 --> 01:07:48,606 Hang in there, Dom! This is really hard. 781 01:07:59,685 --> 01:08:02,489 You give me back my ski-ball token. 782 01:08:04,833 --> 01:08:07,497 - You're doing great. - X-Force! 783 01:08:08,612 --> 01:08:11,065 I guess dubstep never dies. 784 01:08:22,785 --> 01:08:26,644 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch! 785 01:08:28,418 --> 01:08:30,724 That's unfortunate. 786 01:08:32,707 --> 01:08:36,035 - We got no brakes. - Figure it out. 787 01:08:39,652 --> 01:08:42,019 There's nothing I can't kill. 788 01:08:44,940 --> 01:08:48,275 Somebody knows... karate. 789 01:08:48,707 --> 01:08:51,691 Give me your best shot, one-eyed Willy. 790 01:09:05,418 --> 01:09:06,925 Oww. 791 01:09:07,528 --> 01:09:09,387 Here we go. 792 01:09:09,412 --> 01:09:13,521 - Domino, mind slowing us down? - Here goes nothing. 793 01:09:44,956 --> 01:09:47,596 Knock, knock. 794 01:09:53,920 --> 01:09:56,490 That's my boy. 795 01:10:00,801 --> 01:10:03,668 Holy... ! 796 01:10:12,498 --> 01:10:16,912 I'll be first to admit. This did not go according to plan. 797 01:10:17,943 --> 01:10:21,380 I'll also be the first to admit that that plan was written in crayon. 798 01:10:21,405 --> 01:10:24,272 Looks like Russell found a new friend. 799 01:10:24,654 --> 01:10:29,153 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass. And maybe, possibly mildly lucky. 800 01:10:29,205 --> 01:10:32,650 But Cable? Yeesh. That guy's in the mood. 801 01:10:32,939 --> 01:10:36,517 A mood that is about to get significantly worse. 802 01:10:59,072 --> 01:11:01,870 There's something that's terribly, terribly wrong. 803 01:11:07,794 --> 01:11:09,700 Oh, God. That hurt. 804 01:11:18,615 --> 01:11:23,276 Russell? Russell, where are you? 805 01:11:25,810 --> 01:11:27,004 Russell. 806 01:11:27,029 --> 01:11:31,708 Russell, you're okay. Oh, thank Go--- oh, my God! 807 01:11:31,733 --> 01:11:33,459 Juggernaut! 808 01:11:34,439 --> 01:11:38,274 I thought that was you. I shoulda worn my white pants. 809 01:11:39,109 --> 01:11:42,843 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 810 01:11:43,078 --> 01:11:46,632 Uncanny X-Men, 103, 4411, 811 01:11:46,694 --> 01:11:49,157 X-Men Unlimited 12, you know it's always 812 01:11:49,182 --> 01:11:54,163 been a dream of mine to see my face reflected in your helmet as you charge at me with murderous intent. 813 01:11:54,188 --> 01:11:55,807 I don't mean right now. 814 01:11:55,843 --> 01:12:01,104 - I'm gonna rip you in half now. - That's such a Juggernaut thing to say. 815 01:12:04,016 --> 01:12:05,889 Oh, my God! 816 01:12:05,914 --> 01:12:08,656 Oh, God, I can't feel my legs. 817 01:12:10,507 --> 01:12:13,670 Oh, well. They're right here. Got them. 818 01:12:13,695 --> 01:12:14,476 Russell. 819 01:12:14,501 --> 01:12:16,686 I have a mission. 820 01:12:16,711 --> 01:12:18,648 To get my revenge. 821 01:12:18,673 --> 01:12:22,844 - I'm going to burn that Headmaster alive. - You're not the revenge type. 822 01:12:22,977 --> 01:12:26,109 - Take it from a friend. - Friend? 823 01:12:26,164 --> 01:12:30,437 You were sick and I protected you. You said it yourself. 824 01:12:30,476 --> 01:12:32,638 I'm not your friend. 825 01:12:32,663 --> 01:12:35,506 Find someone stronger, so I did. 826 01:12:36,373 --> 01:12:42,208 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then, but I can now. What do you want me to say, huh? 827 01:12:42,583 --> 01:12:46,833 I care about you? 'Cause goddammit, I care about you, Russell. 828 01:12:47,087 --> 01:12:50,774 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? Don't you say "legs"! 829 01:12:50,915 --> 01:12:54,047 - I know you're gonna say "legs"! - Legs! 830 01:12:54,072 --> 01:12:56,349 Still hurts to hear out loud. 831 01:12:57,776 --> 01:13:01,049 What is that? What is tha--- That's not a real rope. 832 01:13:01,104 --> 01:13:03,486 You get back here, young man! 833 01:13:03,792 --> 01:13:05,330 Doms... 834 01:13:05,408 --> 01:13:07,789 Doms, get me out of here please. 835 01:13:07,814 --> 01:13:10,940 Use my arms as backpack straps. 836 01:13:13,099 --> 01:13:16,161 Think we may have found your cosmic reason for being here. 837 01:13:16,329 --> 01:13:19,868 - Pretty sure this isn't it. - X-Force. 838 01:13:32,819 --> 01:13:34,998 No child is hopeless. 839 01:13:35,023 --> 01:13:36,569 - Don't give up on the boy. - How could he just 840 01:13:36,594 --> 01:13:40,412 walk away? There was coldness in his eyes. 841 01:13:41,006 --> 01:13:43,129 You should have heard it. 842 01:13:44,795 --> 01:13:47,506 I guess family really is an F-word. 843 01:13:47,846 --> 01:13:50,166 Rub my legs, mama? 844 01:13:50,252 --> 01:13:51,712 Mama not rub your legs. 845 01:13:51,737 --> 01:13:55,244 Please. It hurt. I have growing pains. 846 01:13:57,607 --> 01:13:59,131 What in the? 847 01:13:59,318 --> 01:14:02,248 Why is your hand so tiny, and your... 848 01:14:02,273 --> 01:14:06,413 - That's not my hand. - Oh, Mary mother of Joseph! 849 01:14:06,491 --> 01:14:09,522 - That was nice for me. - Wade! 850 01:14:09,561 --> 01:14:12,389 Hey, I heard what happened with the convoy and... ! 851 01:14:15,219 --> 01:14:17,836 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 852 01:14:17,861 --> 01:14:20,244 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 853 01:14:20,269 --> 01:14:24,384 Not if you do it. Look at you, you're just straight-shirt cocking it? 854 01:14:24,415 --> 01:14:27,780 - Toddler-style? - Oh, yeah. Full Winnie The Pooh. 855 01:14:27,805 --> 01:14:31,265 - What the hell's happening? Describe it. - I wouldn't ask him to do that if I were you. 856 01:14:31,274 --> 01:14:34,358 - Here we go. - It's like he was giving birth anally 857 01:14:34,383 --> 01:14:36,712 but they quit halfway through. They got the legs out 858 01:14:36,737 --> 01:14:38,730 - and they said, "you know what? I'm done." - Happy? 859 01:14:38,755 --> 01:14:41,541 It's like he's a muppet from the waist down but this time, 860 01:14:41,566 --> 01:14:44,706 you can see the muppet's dick. God, he's got a cock the size of... 861 01:14:44,731 --> 01:14:48,402 ... double-park. I got three written... What? 862 01:14:49,222 --> 01:14:51,878 No. No. No. DP, not again. 863 01:14:51,964 --> 01:14:54,128 This has happened before? 864 01:14:54,705 --> 01:14:57,300 Jesus! Either vomit or don't. The decision is killing me. 865 01:14:57,325 --> 01:14:59,768 Why couldn't God take my hearing. 866 01:15:02,301 --> 01:15:04,920 - Wow. - Cool your pants. They're growing back. 867 01:15:04,945 --> 01:15:06,857 I'm talking about your face. 868 01:15:06,882 --> 01:15:09,864 I've never seen you without your mask before. Jesus Christ! 869 01:15:09,889 --> 01:15:13,067 - Looks like an avocado. - Your legs, though. They're cute. 870 01:15:13,092 --> 01:15:15,373 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 871 01:15:16,534 --> 01:15:20,479 I'm glad everybody dropped by. You must be wondering why I didn't call you here. 872 01:15:20,504 --> 01:15:24,339 I'll tell you why I'm here. The time-traveler's wife's 873 01:15:24,364 --> 01:15:27,434 husband beat me within an inch of my life. He was torturing me. 874 01:15:27,459 --> 01:15:30,414 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 875 01:15:30,439 --> 01:15:33,358 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 876 01:15:33,383 --> 01:15:35,749 - So we can go after him without me. - No. 877 01:15:35,774 --> 01:15:39,313 I'm doing this alone. The Juggernaut will kill you all. 878 01:15:39,360 --> 01:15:42,794 - I'll just need a couple of hours to get some legs under me. - What will you do? 879 01:15:42,802 --> 01:15:45,762 I don't care what the kid did to me. I won't let Cable get to him 880 01:15:45,787 --> 01:15:49,224 - even if I have to teabag him to death. - It's really just a sip of tea at this point. 881 01:15:49,249 --> 01:15:52,937 Zip it, Black-Black Widow. I'm flowing. The first order of business is to get me in front of Cable 882 01:15:52,944 --> 01:15:57,334 so I can put all the fucking blood out of his body and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 883 01:15:57,412 --> 01:15:59,294 Then, I'm gonna take his skin. 884 01:15:59,319 --> 01:16:02,724 And stretch it out over our homemade mating drum. 885 01:16:03,658 --> 01:16:06,213 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 886 01:16:14,003 --> 01:16:16,096 What in the ass. 887 01:16:16,121 --> 01:16:19,040 Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr? 888 01:16:19,065 --> 01:16:22,502 You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy. 889 01:16:22,768 --> 01:16:25,565 Is that really necessary? 890 01:16:27,032 --> 01:16:30,124 No. It's his Basic Instinct. 891 01:16:30,149 --> 01:16:31,967 What can we help you with? 892 01:16:31,992 --> 01:16:34,577 I'm here to proposition you. 893 01:16:36,148 --> 01:16:39,624 - He's really teeing it up, is he? - He gets to make the first joke. 894 01:16:39,649 --> 01:16:42,054 - I think we shot through him at the same time. - Good call. 895 01:16:42,079 --> 01:16:43,500 For $45 you get sucky-suck... 896 01:16:43,525 --> 01:16:45,997 - I only do over the pants. Mouths step... - Fuck! 897 01:16:46,022 --> 01:16:48,397 The Proposition has a wonderful Guy Pearce performance. 898 01:16:48,422 --> 01:16:50,249 Wait, wait, wait. I wanna do mine over. 899 01:16:50,274 --> 01:16:51,311 Give us the line again? 900 01:16:51,336 --> 01:16:52,788 I need your help! 901 01:16:52,947 --> 01:16:55,486 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are. 902 01:16:55,511 --> 01:16:58,417 But you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt! 903 01:16:58,473 --> 01:17:00,542 I can't bring him down alone. 904 01:17:00,621 --> 01:17:02,878 So here we are. 905 01:17:03,644 --> 01:17:07,165 Well we're no longer accepting applications for X-Force, unfortunately. 906 01:17:07,190 --> 01:17:08,635 Even if we were... 907 01:17:08,660 --> 01:17:10,244 There's a wind advisory in effect... 908 01:17:10,268 --> 01:17:13,447 We don't have a lot of time. Your friend's about to make his first kill. 909 01:17:13,472 --> 01:17:14,973 No offense, but if you know so much, 910 01:17:14,998 --> 01:17:17,573 why not travel back to when he was a baby and kill him then? 911 01:17:17,598 --> 01:17:22,144 - Or better yet, head back a little further. Kill baby Hitler. - I use a device to slide through time. 912 01:17:22,169 --> 01:17:24,683 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 913 01:17:24,708 --> 01:17:29,075 I got two charges. One to get me here, one to get me home. 914 01:17:29,481 --> 01:17:34,721 - That's just lazy writing. - Your boy's gonna kill the Headmaster in the orphanage tonight. 915 01:17:34,746 --> 01:17:39,761 - After that, he gets a real taste for it. - Like 10-year old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker. 916 01:17:39,831 --> 01:17:42,966 So he keeps killing. And killing. 917 01:17:43,529 --> 01:17:44,971 And killing. 918 01:17:44,996 --> 01:17:48,831 Until one day he kills the wrong fucking people. 919 01:17:50,458 --> 01:17:52,012 My people. 920 01:17:55,477 --> 01:17:57,046 Relax. 921 01:17:57,071 --> 01:17:59,789 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 922 01:17:59,814 --> 01:18:04,501 It's a goddamn fanny pack and you know it, you sick son of a bitch. 923 01:18:04,526 --> 01:18:06,947 The difference is night and day. 924 01:18:08,342 --> 01:18:10,541 You remind me of my wife. 925 01:18:11,084 --> 01:18:13,436 - I'm sorry? - I said, you remind me of my... 926 01:18:13,461 --> 01:18:17,617 No, I'm sorry that you said that. While making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 927 01:18:17,625 --> 01:18:19,562 She always joked. 928 01:18:19,703 --> 01:18:21,426 And she was funny. 929 01:18:21,451 --> 01:18:24,419 She filtered her pain. Replaced it with humor. 930 01:18:24,537 --> 01:18:27,310 Something I could never master. 931 01:18:27,335 --> 01:18:30,163 It was my fault she died. 932 01:18:31,358 --> 01:18:34,821 It was my job to stop people like him. 933 01:18:35,147 --> 01:18:39,081 I came close, a few times. 934 01:18:41,134 --> 01:18:44,048 I wasn't too happy about that. 935 01:18:44,649 --> 01:18:48,672 But he was trying to hurt me and he knew exactly how to do it. 936 01:18:52,245 --> 01:18:56,127 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand. 937 01:18:58,537 --> 01:19:00,872 He came into my home... 938 01:19:00,897 --> 01:19:04,029 And took the only thing that made it a home. 939 01:19:07,999 --> 01:19:11,725 - Sound familiar? - I'm sorry. 940 01:19:12,320 --> 01:19:14,359 No. I'm really sorry. 941 01:19:15,837 --> 01:19:17,930 But that isn't Russell. 942 01:19:18,188 --> 01:19:20,266 - It doesn't have to be him. - If you knew what I knew... 943 01:19:20,291 --> 01:19:25,220 Yeah. He's got anger issues. Maybe a small learning disability. A splash of diabetes. 944 01:19:25,252 --> 01:19:28,306 - But nothing that can't be fixed... - If you can go back... 945 01:19:28,336 --> 01:19:31,021 And stop the people that took your girl, would you? 946 01:19:31,046 --> 01:19:33,215 Of course, I fucking would. 947 01:19:33,365 --> 01:19:36,660 - But I wouldn't kill a kid. - I'm not asking you to kill the kid. 948 01:19:36,685 --> 01:19:38,339 I'll kill the kid. 949 01:19:38,364 --> 01:19:41,846 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 950 01:19:41,871 --> 01:19:44,402 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 951 01:19:44,427 --> 01:19:49,231 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend would've wanted you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 952 01:19:49,571 --> 01:19:52,923 So what's it gonna be, handsome? 953 01:19:52,948 --> 01:19:55,237 - Give me a chance to save him. - What? 954 01:19:55,262 --> 01:19:57,933 You said it. Once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 955 01:19:57,958 --> 01:20:02,003 If we can get to him before that happens, promise you'll give me a chance, 956 01:20:02,028 --> 01:20:05,020 - to put him on a different path. - Define "chance". 957 01:20:05,045 --> 01:20:07,363 I don't know. How long does it take to save someone's soul? 958 01:20:07,388 --> 01:20:10,214 - I give you 30 seconds. - That--- what? No. 959 01:20:10,239 --> 01:20:12,540 Best I can do. Take it or leave it. 960 01:20:22,922 --> 01:20:25,468 He's doing it. Look at the little fella. 961 01:20:25,493 --> 01:20:27,977 He's doing it. Here it comes. 962 01:20:28,032 --> 01:20:29,539 Jesus Christ. 963 01:20:29,564 --> 01:20:32,094 Just shirt cockin'. 964 01:20:32,868 --> 01:20:36,927 Here you go, little fella. Go on, you're doing it. 965 01:20:36,952 --> 01:20:40,373 You beautiful, hairless, twizzler-legged baby boy. 966 01:20:42,281 --> 01:20:43,217 Christ. 967 01:20:43,242 --> 01:20:44,726 That's disturbing. 968 01:20:44,751 --> 01:20:47,008 Thirty seconds. 969 01:20:51,496 --> 01:20:54,097 - Deal. - Deal. 970 01:20:55,757 --> 01:21:00,163 - I have no idea what's happening. - Probably for the best. 971 01:21:01,562 --> 01:21:04,812 And that, is why you never eat a raw starfish. 972 01:21:04,837 --> 01:21:06,385 It's just common sense. 973 01:21:07,401 --> 01:21:08,963 Where the hell are we going? 974 01:21:08,988 --> 01:21:12,112 You said it yourself. Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. 975 01:21:12,137 --> 01:21:15,823 - We need backup. - I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 976 01:21:20,072 --> 01:21:22,412 Can you turn off the music? 977 01:21:22,703 --> 01:21:25,086 You will do no such thing. 978 01:21:25,220 --> 01:21:27,407 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 979 01:21:27,480 --> 01:21:30,510 - What the hell are you... - Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 980 01:21:30,535 --> 01:21:32,254 I'm so sorry. It gets better. 981 01:21:32,279 --> 01:21:34,208 I'm not a fucking racist, you moron. 982 01:21:34,233 --> 01:21:36,904 Tell it to Black Tom. He was like a brother to me. 983 01:21:36,975 --> 01:21:40,357 I'm with the old white guy on this one. Not such a waste. 984 01:21:40,467 --> 01:21:43,302 So what exactly do you do in this future anyway, huh? 985 01:21:43,327 --> 01:21:44,422 Some kind of soldier? 986 01:21:44,447 --> 01:21:46,315 Yeah. Something like that. 987 01:21:46,340 --> 01:21:48,511 I was a soldier. Special Forces. 988 01:21:48,536 --> 01:21:53,305 - I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. - 50 years from now, you're very dead. 989 01:21:53,330 --> 01:21:56,176 Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma. 990 01:21:56,215 --> 01:21:57,172 Boom! 991 01:21:57,197 --> 01:21:58,430 Spoiler alert! 992 01:22:00,064 --> 01:22:01,461 Planets. 993 01:22:01,486 --> 01:22:03,079 Next time, Uber. 994 01:22:03,104 --> 01:22:05,047 Here's a spoiler alert: 995 01:22:05,072 --> 01:22:07,493 You're not a fucking hero. 996 01:22:07,573 --> 01:22:11,143 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. 997 01:22:11,350 --> 01:22:14,045 Well I got news for you. My heart's in the right place. 998 01:22:14,070 --> 01:22:15,687 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 999 01:22:15,711 --> 01:22:18,187 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 1000 01:22:18,220 --> 01:22:21,766 Because of you, I'll always know what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 1001 01:22:21,790 --> 01:22:24,266 I'm a grower. Not a shower. 1002 01:22:24,291 --> 01:22:26,876 - I should've finished college. - Right here! 1003 01:22:44,565 --> 01:22:46,897 I've made mistakes. 1004 01:22:46,922 --> 01:22:50,204 I wanna take it back. You trusted me, 1005 01:22:50,229 --> 01:22:54,758 I took that trust and turned it into a glory hole in an airport bathroom. 1006 01:22:54,783 --> 01:22:56,547 The one in Minneapolis. 1007 01:22:56,572 --> 01:22:58,254 You know the one. 1008 01:22:58,279 --> 01:22:59,745 Colossus? 1009 01:22:59,770 --> 01:23:02,121 I wouldn't ask for your help unless it was life or death. 1010 01:23:02,146 --> 01:23:04,230 That kid needs our help. 1011 01:23:04,255 --> 01:23:07,700 I know you're listening. He's teamed up with the Juggernaut. 1012 01:23:07,725 --> 01:23:10,835 The Juggernaut! That's like my favorite Marvel character ever 1013 01:23:10,860 --> 01:23:14,828 but you should never meet your heroes. Because honestly, he's a bit of a dick. 1014 01:23:14,945 --> 01:23:17,398 And like a lot of dicks, he's as hard as a rock 1015 01:23:17,423 --> 01:23:19,405 and causes nothing but problems! 1016 01:23:19,430 --> 01:23:21,298 - Hi, Wade! - Hi, Yukio. 1017 01:23:21,321 --> 01:23:23,710 You guys make a super cute couple. Yeah. 1018 01:23:23,735 --> 01:23:26,686 Where was I? Oh, yeah. Colossus, look... 1019 01:23:26,711 --> 01:23:29,430 I don't deserve your friendship, or your help. 1020 01:23:29,455 --> 01:23:31,163 But this kid does. 1021 01:23:31,188 --> 01:23:34,156 And I'm not gonna bail on him like everyone else. 1022 01:23:35,735 --> 01:23:37,969 Oh, come on. 1023 01:23:41,965 --> 01:23:46,511 Any chance Pigeon-wings is available? That's just fine. 1024 01:23:46,535 --> 01:23:49,042 That's fine. No, you know what? 1025 01:23:49,067 --> 01:23:52,841 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy and fucked up, 1026 01:23:52,866 --> 01:23:55,395 and not particularly convenient. 1027 01:23:55,460 --> 01:23:58,451 So stay here, in Chateau des Virgin, 1028 01:23:58,476 --> 01:24:01,452 while we go get our fuck on. 1029 01:24:03,906 --> 01:24:05,983 You're doing great. 1030 01:24:10,720 --> 01:24:14,071 So you wear that helmet because your brother tries to read your mind? 1031 01:24:14,096 --> 01:24:17,424 Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even steven. 1032 01:24:17,455 --> 01:24:20,046 Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1033 01:24:20,071 --> 01:24:22,281 And he's not alone. 1034 01:24:22,313 --> 01:24:24,774 Secure the children. 1035 01:24:28,072 --> 01:24:31,009 What do you say we go fuck some shit up? 1036 01:24:31,034 --> 01:24:32,657 "Let's fuck some shit up", 1037 01:24:32,682 --> 01:24:34,978 is my legal middle name. 1038 01:24:38,079 --> 01:24:41,016 Watch my back. I got the old man. 1039 01:24:41,079 --> 01:24:42,998 Amen, brother. 1040 01:24:48,610 --> 01:24:50,477 Time to get the chimichangas. 1041 01:24:50,532 --> 01:24:52,086 Thirty seconds. 1042 01:24:52,772 --> 01:24:55,303 I finally know why I'm here. 1043 01:24:55,444 --> 01:24:57,444 I was raised in this place. 1044 01:24:57,485 --> 01:24:59,748 But... not raised. I was tortured. 1045 01:24:59,781 --> 01:25:03,134 Wow. It's your cosmic reason for being here. Shall we? 1046 01:25:03,159 --> 01:25:05,195 This is gonna be fun! 1047 01:25:05,220 --> 01:25:07,852 Hey. Been meaning to ask you, what's with the, 1048 01:25:07,876 --> 01:25:10,383 creepy, dirty hobo-bear? 1049 01:25:10,454 --> 01:25:14,149 That's not dirt. That's the blood of my dead daughter. 1050 01:25:16,204 --> 01:25:18,141 I get gluten sensitivity. 1051 01:25:18,173 --> 01:25:21,938 One glass of wine would just.... Yeah. 1052 01:25:25,447 --> 01:25:28,471 Wish we could head back in time and take all that back. 1053 01:25:28,502 --> 01:25:30,462 We should just cue the music. 1054 01:25:55,004 --> 01:25:56,893 Welcome home, Russell. 1055 01:25:56,918 --> 01:25:58,785 We missed you. 1056 01:25:59,059 --> 01:26:01,434 Russell! You don't need to do this. 1057 01:26:01,501 --> 01:26:03,040 Let's talk. 1058 01:26:03,434 --> 01:26:06,004 Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? 1059 01:26:08,918 --> 01:26:11,339 - That's why. - This little fucker's too far gone. 1060 01:26:11,365 --> 01:26:14,333 Zip it, Thanos. We have a deal. You... 1061 01:26:14,642 --> 01:26:15,631 Hey! 1062 01:26:15,656 --> 01:26:19,999 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass. 1063 01:26:20,163 --> 01:26:22,538 My modelling hands are so soft. 1064 01:26:22,569 --> 01:26:25,358 - You should probably head back to the car. - I think I'll head back to the car. 1065 01:26:26,600 --> 01:26:29,725 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1066 01:26:32,357 --> 01:26:34,700 Your gun's amazing. 1067 01:26:34,912 --> 01:26:36,436 Say it! 1068 01:26:38,287 --> 01:26:41,763 You are an abomination! 1069 01:26:48,684 --> 01:26:51,941 Now I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1070 01:26:51,966 --> 01:26:54,623 I believe him. Every man for themselves! 1071 01:26:58,896 --> 01:27:00,528 Gotcha! 1072 01:27:04,638 --> 01:27:07,755 You okay, big guy? The sun's getting real low. 1073 01:27:07,779 --> 01:27:09,888 Ah, shit-fucker. 1074 01:27:23,039 --> 01:27:24,929 Come on, beautiful. 1075 01:27:26,561 --> 01:27:28,077 Say it! 1076 01:28:26,568 --> 01:28:28,224 You came for me. 1077 01:28:28,232 --> 01:28:31,912 I'm not giving up on you and you're not giving up on that boy. 1078 01:28:31,937 --> 01:28:33,929 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1079 01:28:33,953 --> 01:28:36,413 It's time to fight dirty. 1080 01:28:36,429 --> 01:28:38,679 - Time to see the light, Johnny. - Hey! 1081 01:28:38,703 --> 01:28:42,694 - Pick on someone your own size. - That's such a you thing to say. 1082 01:28:42,718 --> 01:28:44,749 Go get 'em, tiger! 1083 01:28:44,785 --> 01:28:47,730 Big CGI fight coming up. 1084 01:29:09,687 --> 01:29:12,335 - He's doing great. - Say it! 1085 01:29:16,293 --> 01:29:18,769 - Russell. - Bingo! 1086 01:29:33,423 --> 01:29:34,485 Great. 1087 01:29:34,510 --> 01:29:37,485 Bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1088 01:29:37,509 --> 01:29:40,641 - Can I have one of those guns? - No. 1089 01:29:40,681 --> 01:29:42,360 That's fine. 1090 01:29:43,102 --> 01:29:46,648 Just gonna use this brick. Maximum effort. 1091 01:29:52,313 --> 01:29:55,250 Who says you can't go home again? 1092 01:30:14,601 --> 01:30:16,226 Say it. 1093 01:30:16,250 --> 01:30:19,585 Say what you say everytime you torture me. 1094 01:30:19,663 --> 01:30:20,663 Say it! 1095 01:30:20,711 --> 01:30:24,655 Blessed are the wicked who are healed! By my hand! 1096 01:30:25,109 --> 01:30:30,655 Blessed are the wicked, who are healed by my hand. 1097 01:30:48,629 --> 01:30:51,004 Carny motherfucker! 1098 01:31:17,017 --> 01:31:19,751 Oh my God. Did you feel that, too? 1099 01:31:19,776 --> 01:31:22,954 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1100 01:31:24,883 --> 01:31:28,906 - You got 30 seconds, you butt-plug. - Now you're getting it! 1101 01:31:32,871 --> 01:31:35,746 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1102 01:31:40,691 --> 01:31:42,651 Orphans... 1103 01:31:42,683 --> 01:31:44,558 Oh, geez. 1104 01:31:45,558 --> 01:31:47,339 It's time... 1105 01:31:47,378 --> 01:31:51,542 - To burn for what you've done! - A child should not be burdened with such power. 1106 01:31:59,549 --> 01:32:01,627 Russell! Wait! 1107 01:32:15,187 --> 01:32:18,233 - Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet. - What more do you need to see? 1108 01:32:18,265 --> 01:32:20,622 Don't you fucking dare! He's just a kid. 1109 01:32:20,647 --> 01:32:23,006 Tick-tock. He is one. 1110 01:32:35,121 --> 01:32:38,534 I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring. 1111 01:32:58,452 --> 01:33:01,561 - I told you! Leave me alone! - Come on. 1112 01:33:01,592 --> 01:33:03,912 Listen to me. 1113 01:33:26,586 --> 01:33:29,712 That's how we do it in Mother Russia. 1114 01:33:30,973 --> 01:33:34,277 They say millenials are the hardest to reach. 1115 01:33:39,604 --> 01:33:42,588 Damn, it feels good to be a gangstah. 1116 01:33:42,768 --> 01:33:46,596 Go home, Wade. You're ruining everything. 1117 01:33:51,793 --> 01:33:54,777 - I'm getting good at this shit. - Go, go, go, go, go! 1118 01:33:57,781 --> 01:34:01,921 He dies tonight, Wade. You can't stop me. 1119 01:34:02,242 --> 01:34:04,301 He even runs like a fucking pervert. 1120 01:34:04,326 --> 01:34:07,256 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1121 01:34:07,884 --> 01:34:10,212 I have one bullet left in that gun. 1122 01:34:10,237 --> 01:34:12,994 Wait, wait, wait. Please just give me a second. I got this. 1123 01:34:13,643 --> 01:34:15,775 Stay back! Go home, Wade. 1124 01:34:15,800 --> 01:34:18,133 Let's talk! There's nothing going his way. 1125 01:34:18,509 --> 01:34:20,157 That piece of shit... 1126 01:34:20,182 --> 01:34:22,821 He deserves to die for what he did to you. He hurt you. 1127 01:34:22,846 --> 01:34:23,752 Badly. 1128 01:34:23,777 --> 01:34:26,164 Makes you wanna hurt others. 1129 01:34:26,189 --> 01:34:28,001 But if you kill him, he wins. 1130 01:34:28,026 --> 01:34:30,145 You become everything he says you are, 1131 01:34:30,170 --> 01:34:31,684 but worse. 1132 01:34:31,841 --> 01:34:33,451 You're just a kid. 1133 01:34:33,654 --> 01:34:35,672 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1134 01:34:35,697 --> 01:34:39,169 - How do you know what I want? - Because I've been inside you. 1135 01:34:39,228 --> 01:34:43,024 That came out wrong. I've been inside your shoes. 1136 01:34:43,062 --> 01:34:46,398 Which, is also off-putting. It's not a good analogy. 1137 01:34:46,422 --> 01:34:48,336 The point is... 1138 01:34:48,383 --> 01:34:50,140 There are people. 1139 01:34:50,164 --> 01:34:54,422 There are people in this fucking world besides him, 1140 01:34:54,447 --> 01:34:58,814 who will treat you right. It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1141 01:35:03,570 --> 01:35:06,218 I never should've left you there. 1142 01:35:08,219 --> 01:35:10,758 I never should have left you there. 1143 01:35:17,243 --> 01:35:19,633 I can't trust you. 1144 01:35:20,057 --> 01:35:22,986 I can't trust anybody! 1145 01:35:31,547 --> 01:35:35,165 - Wonderful, kid. - You can't stop me, Wade! 1146 01:35:36,922 --> 01:35:38,937 I got one more idea. 1147 01:35:39,516 --> 01:35:43,093 - It's just a really bad one, even for me. - Wade, what are you doing? 1148 01:35:43,117 --> 01:35:45,820 Alright, this is for all the marbles, kid. 1149 01:35:45,844 --> 01:35:48,195 You gonna trust someone tonight? 1150 01:35:48,234 --> 01:35:51,702 - Blessed are the wicked... - Then it's gotta be me. 1151 01:35:52,697 --> 01:35:55,460 Who are healed by my hand! 1152 01:37:00,817 --> 01:37:03,920 Tell me, they got that in slow-motion. 1153 01:37:08,431 --> 01:37:10,822 That's not good. 1154 01:37:11,712 --> 01:37:13,391 No, sir. 1155 01:37:20,724 --> 01:37:25,138 - You sacrificed yourself, for me? - Yeah. 1156 01:37:25,163 --> 01:37:27,663 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1157 01:37:29,436 --> 01:37:31,567 I told you I care about you. 1158 01:37:31,592 --> 01:37:34,295 You're a good kid, Russell. 1159 01:37:35,121 --> 01:37:36,315 Hey. 1160 01:37:37,416 --> 01:37:40,339 The bear. It worked. 1161 01:37:47,060 --> 01:37:48,745 Because of you. 1162 01:37:48,770 --> 01:37:51,770 No, Wade. Because of you. 1163 01:37:51,855 --> 01:37:55,083 Stop. Stop! Stop. Stop. 1164 01:37:55,108 --> 01:37:58,091 Just... Just let it happen. 1165 01:37:58,116 --> 01:38:00,186 Okay? I guess... 1166 01:38:00,211 --> 01:38:03,070 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 1167 01:38:03,249 --> 01:38:05,788 That riddle is so fucked up. 1168 01:38:10,072 --> 01:38:11,704 I'm sorry. 1169 01:38:11,721 --> 01:38:13,564 - I'm so sorry. - Don't be. 1170 01:38:13,604 --> 01:38:16,166 Don't be. I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 1171 01:38:16,190 --> 01:38:19,634 Yeah. Please, just, don't leave. I don't wanna die without an audience. 1172 01:38:19,651 --> 01:38:22,151 - We are not going anywhere. - Oh, God. 1173 01:38:22,175 --> 01:38:24,487 The Academy is watching. 1174 01:38:26,441 --> 01:38:28,073 Papa? 1175 01:38:30,058 --> 01:38:32,831 Papa can you hear me? 1176 01:38:34,183 --> 01:38:37,417 Papa can you find me? 1177 01:39:01,278 --> 01:39:03,895 Before I go, sorry... 1178 01:39:03,920 --> 01:39:06,677 I got a bit more in me. Domino... 1179 01:39:06,708 --> 01:39:11,285 I want you, to have my Adventure Time watch. 1180 01:39:13,521 --> 01:39:16,903 Sounds like that I'm the lucky one. 1181 01:39:17,542 --> 01:39:19,286 Thank you. 1182 01:39:19,810 --> 01:39:22,895 Hey, Sabrina the teenage witch... 1183 01:39:23,457 --> 01:39:26,144 It has been a pleasure. 1184 01:39:27,123 --> 01:39:29,731 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade! 1185 01:39:29,756 --> 01:39:34,982 Yeah... And you! Chrome-bone. 1186 01:39:35,490 --> 01:39:40,700 I haven't always been the best friend to you, but you've always been that to me. 1187 01:39:40,919 --> 01:39:43,106 So thank you. 1188 01:39:44,219 --> 01:39:46,437 Say 'fuck' for me. 1189 01:39:46,891 --> 01:39:51,438 Just once. Come on. We'll do it together. It's no big deal. Here we go. 1, 2, 3... 1190 01:39:53,281 --> 01:39:56,256 - Fuck. - Wow. Enjoy hell. 1191 01:39:56,281 --> 01:40:00,515 Swamp-mouth. And you. Cable. 1192 01:40:01,952 --> 01:40:05,748 You get back to your family. You tell them Wade says 'hi'. 1193 01:40:06,022 --> 01:40:09,756 And promise me. Promise me one thing... 1194 01:40:10,075 --> 01:40:12,801 That you'll start judging people not by the color of their skin 1195 01:40:12,826 --> 01:40:15,232 but by the content of their character. 1196 01:40:15,543 --> 01:40:16,730 Jesus. 1197 01:40:19,355 --> 01:40:20,597 Hey. 1198 01:40:21,066 --> 01:40:23,933 You're a superhero now, bubba. 1199 01:40:24,066 --> 01:40:25,441 Look... 1200 01:40:25,496 --> 01:40:26,831 Family, 1201 01:40:26,879 --> 01:40:30,137 is not an F-word, all right? 1202 01:40:31,950 --> 01:40:34,137 Just keep looking, okay? 1203 01:40:36,944 --> 01:40:40,154 Guys? For a second there... 1204 01:40:40,572 --> 01:40:43,891 We would've made a pretty good team. 1205 01:40:57,762 --> 01:41:00,808 Oh, it's so hard to go! 1206 01:41:01,176 --> 01:41:04,230 I just love being with all you guys so much. 1207 01:41:04,793 --> 01:41:06,652 So, so much. 1208 01:41:08,084 --> 01:41:10,816 Oh, I can feel it now. Here it comes. Yeah. 1209 01:41:10,958 --> 01:41:14,810 Feel the soul, exiting the husk... 1210 01:41:17,761 --> 01:41:19,850 Can you see it? 1211 01:41:20,356 --> 01:41:22,667 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 1212 01:41:23,573 --> 01:41:25,747 There it is. 1213 01:41:31,282 --> 01:41:34,188 No, that's the sun. Don't stare directly into that. 1214 01:41:34,398 --> 01:41:36,538 I'd just like a few final words... 1215 01:41:38,125 --> 01:41:39,890 Woodpecker. 1216 01:41:40,101 --> 01:41:41,874 Gingivitis. 1217 01:41:43,549 --> 01:41:45,595 Codswallop. 1218 01:41:49,346 --> 01:41:52,150 Do you wanna build a snowman? 1219 01:43:07,400 --> 01:43:10,212 Sorry I'm late. There was a bunch of... 1220 01:43:10,283 --> 01:43:13,447 Handicappable children stuck in a tree. No. 1221 01:43:14,365 --> 01:43:17,391 - But I did have to help a kid. - Yeah. 1222 01:43:17,416 --> 01:43:19,517 - He's got a terrible name. - Just awful. 1223 01:43:19,542 --> 01:43:21,792 I tried to tell him. 1224 01:43:22,588 --> 01:43:24,502 Is this heaven? 1225 01:43:24,786 --> 01:43:26,713 It is now. 1226 01:43:29,575 --> 01:43:31,765 I'm so sorry. 1227 01:43:32,277 --> 01:43:33,980 It's okay. 1228 01:43:53,414 --> 01:43:56,148 I missed you so much. 1229 01:44:01,076 --> 01:44:03,161 What is it? What's wrong? 1230 01:44:04,061 --> 01:44:06,264 It's not time. 1231 01:44:06,489 --> 01:44:08,645 What do you mean, it's not time? 1232 01:44:08,700 --> 01:44:10,412 I'm here. I made it. 1233 01:44:10,437 --> 01:44:12,981 - You can't stay. - No, no, no. I'm staying. 1234 01:44:13,015 --> 01:44:15,029 I'm not going anywhere without you. 1235 01:44:15,054 --> 01:44:16,389 It's okay. 1236 01:44:16,414 --> 01:44:19,242 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 1237 01:44:20,070 --> 01:44:22,945 - They need you. - Who? 1238 01:44:24,523 --> 01:44:26,327 Your F-word. 1239 01:44:27,240 --> 01:44:30,265 - Why? - You'll find out. 1240 01:44:31,403 --> 01:44:33,903 It's all right. I'll be here. 1241 01:44:34,237 --> 01:44:36,229 I love you. 1242 01:44:37,956 --> 01:44:39,745 I know. 1243 01:44:39,770 --> 01:44:43,160 I love you, too. Now, go. 1244 01:44:43,527 --> 01:44:46,160 Go on. Go, get out of here. 1245 01:44:47,129 --> 01:44:48,129 Go. 1246 01:44:50,779 --> 01:44:52,339 Hey. 1247 01:44:54,498 --> 01:44:57,350 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 1248 01:44:57,482 --> 01:44:59,123 Well, come here. 1249 01:45:17,918 --> 01:45:19,496 Don't fuck Elvis. 1250 01:45:19,521 --> 01:45:21,088 Don't fuck Colossus. 1251 01:45:21,113 --> 01:45:22,372 What? 1252 01:45:30,832 --> 01:45:32,441 Time to make the chimichangas. 1253 01:45:32,457 --> 01:45:33,168 Thirty seconds. 1254 01:45:33,192 --> 01:45:35,426 Hey, been meaning to ask you. What's with the... 1255 01:45:35,451 --> 01:45:37,044 Creepy, dirty hobo-bear? 1256 01:45:37,069 --> 01:45:39,162 That's my daughter's Teddy bear. 1257 01:45:39,187 --> 01:45:42,718 - Her name's Hope. - Oh. 1258 01:45:42,836 --> 01:45:46,742 What are you doing? Somebody swiped right. 1259 01:45:58,965 --> 01:46:01,902 Tell me they got that in slow-motion. 1260 01:46:04,562 --> 01:46:08,147 - You sacrificed yourself for me? - Hey, what's here? I... 1261 01:46:10,471 --> 01:46:11,573 Huh. 1262 01:46:12,377 --> 01:46:14,744 Genuine high-grade lead. 1263 01:46:16,986 --> 01:46:19,931 You time-sliding son of a bitch. 1264 01:46:19,956 --> 01:46:22,142 You did this for me? 1265 01:46:22,995 --> 01:46:24,409 Wait... 1266 01:46:24,502 --> 01:46:26,478 You can't go back. 1267 01:46:26,517 --> 01:46:29,288 You used the last of your fuel. What about your girl and wife? 1268 01:46:29,313 --> 01:46:31,234 No, my family's safe. 1269 01:46:31,259 --> 01:46:34,016 And I didn't do it for you. 1270 01:46:34,313 --> 01:46:36,890 Now I'm gonna stick around for a while. 1271 01:46:36,915 --> 01:46:40,149 Make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 1272 01:46:40,838 --> 01:46:45,416 - Aww. You did it for me. - No, I didn't. 1273 01:46:45,670 --> 01:46:47,077 - You did. - I didn't. 1274 01:46:47,102 --> 01:46:49,000 - Pretty sure you did. - No, I'm positive I didn't. 1275 01:46:49,025 --> 01:46:51,016 Fine. Alright. Let's flip a coin, okay? 1276 01:46:51,041 --> 01:46:53,821 Heads, did it for me, tails, you did it for me. 1277 01:46:53,846 --> 01:46:56,666 I'm not even gonna look because you did it for me. 1278 01:46:56,750 --> 01:46:58,163 - Say it again. - You did it for me. 1279 01:46:58,195 --> 01:46:59,788 - Jesus. - We must get the collar off. 1280 01:46:59,813 --> 01:47:02,672 Forget it. It's no use. These collars don't just come off. 1281 01:47:02,697 --> 01:47:06,141 Wade... I have an idea. 1282 01:47:06,630 --> 01:47:08,770 Oh, no, no, no, no. Let's not do that, please. 1283 01:47:08,786 --> 01:47:11,826 I'd rather die of cancer. That's just... Oh, God. 1284 01:47:11,851 --> 01:47:14,577 They do say, the pen is grosser than the sword. 1285 01:47:15,421 --> 01:47:17,842 - We need the code. - Try, uhh... 1286 01:47:18,053 --> 01:47:20,334 - Seven? - Settle down, Captain Lucky. 1287 01:47:20,358 --> 01:47:23,568 It's not gonna be one number. God, that's lazy writing. 1288 01:47:23,857 --> 01:47:25,778 Still got it. 1289 01:47:28,226 --> 01:47:30,929 Put that back in your prison wallet. 1290 01:47:31,890 --> 01:47:35,741 I don't know how to thank you, but I do know how to hug you. 1291 01:47:35,863 --> 01:47:38,090 - No. - Yes. Here we go. 1292 01:47:38,136 --> 01:47:41,549 Bring it in. Come on. Pelvis to pelvis. 1293 01:47:41,651 --> 01:47:45,697 Let's go tip-to-tip. There we go. The kids call this "docking". 1294 01:47:47,035 --> 01:47:49,830 - Is there a knife in my dick? - There's a knife in your dick. Yeah. 1295 01:47:49,855 --> 01:47:52,823 Just get back up a little. Already did a full Yentl. 1296 01:47:52,848 --> 01:47:55,168 Pretend like that never happened. 1297 01:47:55,277 --> 01:47:57,347 Let's go home, Russell. 1298 01:48:00,812 --> 01:48:05,218 All you dirty mutants are gonna rot in hell with the boy. 1299 01:48:05,243 --> 01:48:08,258 Your souls are beyond redemption. 1300 01:48:08,283 --> 01:48:11,696 - Let's see your soul, perv! - No! No, no more. 1301 01:48:11,723 --> 01:48:13,845 We're better than that. We're better than him. 1302 01:48:13,870 --> 01:48:16,605 No more senseless violence, no more bloodshed. 1303 01:48:16,660 --> 01:48:19,546 - We'll let karma take care of him. - The day of reckoning, 1304 01:48:19,571 --> 01:48:21,386 is here! 1305 01:48:30,577 --> 01:48:33,014 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 1306 01:48:33,123 --> 01:48:35,482 Woo! There it is, motherfuckers! 1307 01:48:35,507 --> 01:48:37,103 I think I'm a motherfucker. 1308 01:48:37,142 --> 01:48:40,648 I can hear you counting the last 30 seconds like a monkey, it was... ! 1309 01:48:40,673 --> 01:48:42,219 I want some more. 1310 01:48:42,244 --> 01:48:44,259 I bet you do, Brown Panther. 1311 01:48:44,284 --> 01:48:47,344 We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up. 1312 01:48:47,369 --> 01:48:49,760 Good call. You guys coming with us? 1313 01:48:49,828 --> 01:48:52,226 No. We'll get the kids back to the mansion. 1314 01:48:52,265 --> 01:48:54,827 - Besides, we're X-Men. - No. 1315 01:48:54,906 --> 01:48:58,290 You're X-People. I see what you did there. Puns. 1316 01:48:58,314 --> 01:49:00,587 - Bye, Wade! - Bye, Yukio. 1317 01:49:02,782 --> 01:49:05,235 What do you get when you take 8 feet of chrome, 1318 01:49:05,260 --> 01:49:08,080 one pinch of courage, a cup of good luck, 1319 01:49:08,105 --> 01:49:10,565 a dab of racism, a splash of diabetes, 1320 01:49:10,589 --> 01:49:13,339 and a wheelbarrow full of stage-four cancer? 1321 01:49:13,363 --> 01:49:16,058 Answer: a family. 1322 01:49:16,136 --> 01:49:19,144 See? I didn't lie on what kind of film this was. 1323 01:49:19,261 --> 01:49:20,894 If there's anything you take away today, 1324 01:49:20,919 --> 01:49:23,722 other than the need to google, "what the fuck is dubstep", 1325 01:49:23,747 --> 01:49:27,122 it's that we all need to belong to someone. 1326 01:49:29,718 --> 01:49:33,175 subbed by: iamdepressed